#i was about to go to bed but then this dawned on me and i. i had to make it.

[elflutter]

— road trip

bf!joel miller x f!reader

synopsis

car sex with joel on the way home from a weekend trip ;)

wordcount: 4.8k | masterlist

tags/warnings: explicit (18+ mdni), no use of y/n, semi-public sex, unprotected piv, creampie, light dom/sub, fingering, oral sex (f. recieving), fluff, age gap (joel is 37 reader is 27), established relationship, pet names, teasing joel for being "old"

a/n: this morning i went back to proofread and properly edit this, so it all should read a litle smoother now!

You cursed under your breath when you got out of the shower in the hotel room this morning. Wrapped in a fluffy white towel, squeezing excess water from your hair, you searched through your suitcase. Digging through every article of clothing you’d packed for your cousin’s wedding once, then again. You couldn’t find it. Huffing out a defeated sigh, you plopped down on the mattress. You were out of clean underwear.

“Dammit.”

The sound of the shower quited, and a moment later Joel stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped low around his waist. Your eyes raked over his body, little droplets of water clinging to his tanned skin, taunting you. Laying in bed this morning, mind still pleasantly hazy in dawn’s rosy light, you’d fallen apart on his mouth. He had made you come again in the shower, this time on his fingers. But heat still pooled in your belly at the sight of him, relaxed and unguarded. He hadn’t given you his cock yet today, and you ached for it.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

Falling back against the fluffy sheets with a soft thump, you let your towel fall away. Bearing your body as you threw an arm over your eyes and groaned.

“’M out of panties.”

The words were muffled behind your arm. Despite your current nakedness, despite the intimacy you shared with Joel, your cheeks heated at thought of being indecent beneath your clothes all day. Being exposed like that as you turned the key cards back in at the checkout desk, not to mention the risk of running into someone else staying in the block of rooms reserved for the wedding. Surely they wouldn’t be able to tell, right? People went commando all the time. It didn’t have to be sexual.

But then, you thought about the trip back to Austin. Pussy bare and dripping in the passenger seat of Joel’s truck, the hand he’d rest possessively on your thigh. And your cheeks heated for an entirely different reason.

Joel hummed, and the bed dipped with his weight. He propped himself on one arm so his face hovered just above yours. He wore a devilish smirk, morning light illuminating a glint in those deep brown eyes that meant nothing but trouble.

“Don’t sound like such a bad thing to me, pretty girl.”

His voice was low and rough, and you ignored the feeling blooming in your stomach. Trying very hard to fight the smile spreading across your face, you batted at his chest playfully.

“You old perv!” A giggle escaped your lips, unable to hold it back, like champagne bubbling over a newly opened bottle.

Joel ignored your dig at his age, graceful as always when you teased him. Barley ten years older than you, and you’d never let him forget it.

Instead, he ran a hand up your curves, fingers splayed wider than yours ever could. He cupped your breast with a barely there touch, sending strokes of electricity from your chest to your cunt. His gaze drank you in, greedy bordering on gluttonous. Like he was drunk on you from sight alone. Like this hotel room was a museum and you were its finest work.

“Can ya blame me when you look like this?” Joel pressed kisses from your earlobe to your collarbone between his words. “My gorgeous fuckin’ girl.”

If your cheeks were warm before, now they were on fire. You thought he’d surely be able to feel it, your face heating the space between you like a furnace.

You had been dating Joel going on three years now, but he could still get blood rushing to your cheeks—and lower—  with the briefest touch of those big hands and even bigger mouth. Sure of himself and what he wanted in a way that was so damn attractive.

His hard cock pressed against your side, hot and leaking. He’d barely let you touch him this morning, had devoted himself to worshiping your body. Didn’t want any distractions, he’d said. Now, you couldn’t help but buck your hips, pussy empty and clenching. Aching for him to fill it. A pathetic whine filled the air, high and breathy as it fell from your open mouth. Joel’s lips curved into a smile where they were buried in the crook of your neck.

“That pretty pussy’s droolin’ for me, baby, ain’t she?”

The damn mouth on that man. You nodded frantically, words casting a spell on you until all you could think was Joel, Joel, Joel.

The bed dipped when he shifted, his elbows resting on either side of your face. “Tell you what, sweetheart. You keep her nice’n wet for me on the trip back, and I promise I’ll fill her up just right when we get home. Think you can do that for me, baby girl?”

Another nod, eyes wide and pleading. “Y-yeah Joel, shit,” you laughed. The warm sound broke the tension that had pulled tight between you, the submissive role you so gladly fell into when he talked to you like that. A smile in your voice as you continued, “you really are a dirty old fuck, y’know that?”

“Thirty-seven’s old now, huh?” He challenged you, a teasing glint when he looked at you.

“Fuckin’ geriatric.”

You had done so damn well, packing your things and getting into the truck barely even thinking about the distinct lack of panties beneath your dress. The first few minutes of the drive went smoothly, but when Joel pulled into a gas station before leaving Dallas and sent you in to grab some snacks, your mind finally wandered just like you knew it would.

Knees pressed together, you slipped out of the passenger seat, determined not to give anybody a show. Anybody besides Joel, that is. Flashing him a little smile, you tried to ignore how the rub of your thighs together provided the perfect amount of friction on your bare cunt. Tried to ignore how the AC blasting in the little convenience store felt as it cooled the air under your dress. Tried to ignore the thrill of using the restroom when you knew all you had to do was pull up your dress and you’d be completely exposed.

Your mind raced, thoughts swirling as you tried to pick out some road trip snacks. You knew your taste, you knew Joel’s, but the task was made much more difficult by the throbbing between your legs and the fear that everyone who walked by you could tell how you ached. After pacing the snack aisle for what felt like an eternity, you finally grabbed Bugles and Takis to share, legs feeling like liquid as they carried you over to the cashier and out to the car.

Back on the road, the tangy scent of Takis filled the air when your gaze fell on Joel. He pretended not to care for them, but he always ate his half of the bag a little too eagerly. Joel’s eyes were on the road while he took each finger between his lips, hollowing his cheeks to suck off the red dust staining them. Your thighs rubbed together of their own accord, and a quiet moan escaped your lips involuntarily.

The light smirk playing on Joel’s lips told you he’d heard, though his eyes never left the highway.

“Gettin’ impatient, huh baby?” His southern drawl only added fuel to the flames in your belly.

“Don’t tease me, Joel, I feel like I’m on fire!”

“Think you’re bein’ overdramatic?” Joel arched a brow, glancing at you out of the corner of his eyes.

You pouted, just a little. “No.”

“Have some Bugles. You’re gettin’ hangry.”

Maybe you were, but the h certainly didn’t stand for hungry.

Admittedly, the Bugles did help the next few minutes pass a little faster. But eventually, you ran out of snacks; and were left, again, with only the dripping mess between your legs to keep you company. Joel had fallen quiet, no music on the radio, a taunting smirk painted across his face. Smug bastard.

Head resting on the window, the trees on the side of the highway filled your vision. A mottled mass of green, eyes blurry and unfocused—valiantly trying to think of anything except the ache between your legs. An hour had passed already since leaving Dallas, and you had another two to go. Two more hours before you’d be home and Joel could run his big hands underneath your little sun-dress and explore your curves, cup your bare pussy.

Head falling back against the headrest, you looked over at Joel, eyes wide and pleading.

“Can I touch myself?”

When your voice came out all high and breathy, you knew he could hear how desperate you were. It felt like your body melt into the passenger seat if you didn’t get some kind of relief right now.

“Greedy fuckin’ girl, aren’t you? How many times did I make you come this morning?”

Eyes on the ceiling, you gathered your voice to answer him. “Twice.”

“Twice, and it ain’t even noon yet, baby girl. Pussy achin’ again already?”

You whined in response.

“’N you had the nerve to go and say I’m the damn perv here,” Joel’s grumble was dark, sending even more wetness to your already soaked panties. The tone in his voice sent the sweetest chill down your spine— hunger and anticipation an intoxicating cocktail burning through your veins. “Filthy fuckin’ brat.”

His name fell from your lips in a high pitched plea.

Joel let out a breath through his nose, the low hiss of it filling the air between you. Finally, he sighed. You and Joel might like it when he talks dirty like you don’t have him wrapped around your little finger, but you both know the truth. He’d do anything you asked him.

“Fine.” Joel’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Go ‘head and touch yourself, baby.”

You went limp with relief in the passenger seat, your hand ghosting across your nipples, down your stomach. Your eyes flitted to the road outside Joel’s pickup for a moment; judging the risk of someone seeing against the desire pooled deep in your core. The road wasn’t too busy, the windows slightly tinted so that you should be safe enough from prying eyes—as long as nobody looked too closely. You could be discrete.

 Finally, tossing caution to the wind, you hiked up the hem of your dress to expose your soaked cunt, the leather seat cool against the bottom of your thighs. The world went up in flames for a moment, as you dragged a single finger through your folds, breath catching as you felt just how much arousal had already pooled between your legs. Your finger met no resistance as your slick eased its passage, until it teased at your entrance as you babbled Joel’s name incoherently.

All you could think as one finger, then another pressed inside you was how empty you still felt. How you needed more. Needed Joel’s cock to carve out a spot inside you until you could feel him in your lungs.

Curling your fingers against that spongy spot inside, you raised your thumb to trace little circles around your swollen clit. Moans and the squelch of your pussy filled the cab, eyes closed and head thrown back. The warmth low in your belly spread and spread from your fingers to your toes, and you could feel yourself teetering on the edge.

Joel’s gravel-rough order pulled you from your reverie. “You’re gonna look at me while you come.”

     When you opened your eyes to obey, they caught on his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. His eyes so wide they could pop right out of his skull as they glanced away from the road to meet yours for just a moment. The bulge starting to strain behind the zipper of his jeans. His jaw clenched, warm light dancing through the window over his form.

Your orgasm finally hit you, the steady pulse of your cunt swelling to a crescendo as the tension in your belly snapped. Waves of pleasure crested against you, again and again. As you came, his name tasted sweet on your tongue, gaze tracing over his profile as he switched the blinker on to change lanes. Fingers slowed their pump in and out until only your thumb was left moving—tracing lazy circles over your clit until the pleasure verged on pain. Finally, hand stilled, with a tremble, a stuttering breath left your lungs.

Lolling your head to the side, your brows drew together when you processed the sound of the blinker, the movement as Joel switched into the middle lane. Your eyes fell on the bright blue sign reading Rest Area - 1 Mile.

Joel followed your line of sight from his peripheral vision, a little smirk playing on his lips.

“Figured we’d stop so you can use the restroom, baby.” He reached his hand to rest on your upper thigh, just inches away from where your own was still nestled inside your cunt. “Don’t want’ya gettin’ an infection down there, now do we?”

His words stirred a pleasant sensation in your middle– but this time, it wasn’t arousal. Your own soft smile stretched across your cheeks that he’d even think of that. How he was taking care of you like this even on top of driving the both of you the two-hundred miles it took to get back home.

After another moment, you pulled your fingers out from between your legs; mesmerized at the creamy spend that coated them. Touching your middle finger to your thumb, then pulling them apart as a thread of your come stretched into the space between.

You knew you were distracting Joel from the road, when you saw him watching from the corner of his eye. But he didn’t seem to mind the split focus while he watched you play with your own come between your fingers.

His voice came out hoarse.

“Taste it for me, baby.”

Joel swallowed thickly as you sucked the digits between your lips. Your cheeks hollowed,  lapping at your finger. You moaned at the depravity of it, the heady taste of yourself against your tongue. Finally, you let the fingers out with a slick pop, licked clean, throat working as you drank down your mess.

If his bulge was straining before, it was practically bursting through the denim now, fully hard beneath the fabric. Pride swelled within you, that you could still have that effect on him without a single touch. His eyes remained on the road, the deep brown drowned out by darkened pupils.

“Taste good?”

You pulled your dress back down as you answered him.

“Not as good as you, Joel.”

Your stomach sunk a little when you heard the tick tick tick of blinker as the metal roof of the rest area and old fashioned windmill came into view—disappointed that your fun was over. You always wondered who decided to make this rest area look more like a farm than a public building– Texas was fucking weird.

Your disappointment was short-lived. There was plenty of parking right out front, but Joel pulled around to the mostly-empty lot behind the building meant for semis and RVs. You threw him a quizzical look, and he adjusted his hard-on in his pants in lieu of an answer. Oh. Oh.

He found a spot in the back corner, the area empty save for you two. His head fell back against the seat before his eyes raked over you. Joel’s expression would have been unreadable if his pupils weren’t so blown out. You could feel his gaze burning your skin, stilled while he stared at your lips—still damp from sucking your fingers clean.

Tongue darting out restlessly, you waited for him to speak. The fire built in your belly all over again; his eyes on you a lit match thrown into kindling.

“Ain’t too busy.” Joel’s head nodded his head to parking lot.

“No, it isn’t,” you answered– wide eyes trained on his face. Your voice sounded wobbly in your ears. You weren’t sure if it was due to your present desire or the after-effects of your prior climax. Maybe both.

“Thought I’d have some fun with my girl.”

You nodded, words stuck in your throat.

“Before you go in there and clean up that pretty pussy.”

You nodded again, a little whimper escaping your lips.

The click of Joel’s seatbelt filled the air, before he reached over to unbuckle yours. Crowding you against the passenger-side door, you could feel the rumble in his chest as he spoke. The words dark with authority.

“Get in the backseat.”

The Texas sun bore down on you in the moment it took to fumble your way down to the asphalt and climb back up the side steps and into the back seat of the pickup. Your hands fiddled with each other as Joel did the same, the slam of the car door behind him as he got into the back on the driver’s side.

A swallow caught in your throat at the look in Joel’s eyes, mouth hungry and pupils blown out with lust. The smell of sex drowned out any lingering aroma of the snacks from earlier, your heady arousal seeping down your thighs and onto the flimsy fabric of your dress. Your core throbbed, Joel’s gaze weighing heavy on your skin.

His name tumbled from your lips; a plea more than anything. And that broke the spell lingering between your bodies. The tension in the air had pulled so tight that the only thing it could do next was snap.

Joel was on you in an instant– broad shoulders filling your space, large palms cupping your breasts through the smocked bodice of your dress. Your fingers tangled in his chestnut curls, shining in the warm sunlight. Tugging on it, urging his mouth to capture yours. His scruff scratched against the softness of your cheek as you moaned into the kiss; mouths slotting against each other like puzzle pieces.

His tongue moved against yours, teeth nipping sweetly at your bottom lip. Your movements against each other were hungry, hands exploring each other and leaving a trail of desire in their wake.

Little puffs of air ghosted against your lips as Joel breathed through the kiss, his jean-clad thigh slotting between your legs. The friction had you keening into his mouth, the sound pathetic and more than a little desperate. Your hips moved of their own accord, grinding into your boyfriend’s leg.

Joel finally broke the kiss, propping a palm against the passenger-side window to get a better view of where you rutted against him.

“Y’look like a damn bitch in heat.” The words were tinged with wonder, not degradation. Joel could never help but marvel at how desperate he could get you. The way you wanted him just as bad as he wanted you.

Through lowered lashes, you looked up at him, reaching for the bulge straining against his jeans. A ragged moan tore from his throat at your touch, and your smirk said it all. And you’re no better, cowboy.

Calloused hands ghosted up your thighs, pushing up your dress until it was bunched just above your belly-button. His fingers, pressing at the soft plush of your thighs, tracing the outline of your hips, flames licking to where you wanted his touch so desperately. His hands trailed back up to cup at the base of your skull, lips hungry where they pressed against yours once again. You drank each other in for a moment, your hips desperately seeking friction to quell the heat at your center. When he pulled back from your lips, Joel kissed down your body, following the path that his fingers had just taken. Brushing his lips behind behind your ear, against your collarbone, your breast, your stomach, your hips. Stoking the fire within you higher and higher until finally– finally engulfing himself in your flames.

Joel’s scruffy beard scratched against your inner thighs as he pressed a featherlight kiss against your clit before wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard. Hands tangled in his curls, you fell apart while he made out with your puffy cunt. You were still dripping with the release you found on the highway, nub still swollen and sensitive from your desperate fingers. He devoured you, each lap of his tongue sparking tingling waves of pleasure that had you jolting beneath him. One hand found the softness of your tummy as he pressed you against the seat to hold you still.

The needy sound of your whimpers and Joel’s grunts against you filled the air as he pulled you closer and closer to the edge. When he repositioned to push two fingers into your aching heat, lips never parting from where they worked, you tumbled over that cliff. Free fall, as you writhed against his mouth and fingers, working you through your climax.

Joel’s parted from you, grin was wolfish, his grip digging into your waist as he sat back and pulled you up with him. His dark eyes found yours before he spoke.

“Open up, sweet thing.”

The pet name was soft, but his voice was rough with dominance. Your mouth fell open for him, tongue hanging out lewdly. He pressed his fingers against it, before you tasted your release for a second time that day.

“Good fuckin’ girl. It taste even better on my fingers?”

You nodded around his fingers with a muffled mhm. Skirt pooled on his lap, you dragged your bare cunt along the outline of his hardness. You were beyond fucked out, two orgasms deep—four if you count the ones from the hotel room—but you still ached for that primal satisfaction only his cock could give you. Your touch brushed across his abdomen, hiking up his t-shirt to expose the soft skin underneath. Joel evidently got the idea, his next words coming out rough and low.

“You gonna let me fuck you now?”

Again, you nodded, your sound of affirmation still muffled.  Joel’s dark chuckle at your predicament sent electricity zinging down your spine with a moan. You barely had the presence of mind to be grateful that he wouldn't make you wait until you got home, like he had said. When he finally pulled his fingers out of your mouth, you whined at the emptiness. Your lips found the stubble at his jaw, kissing and nipping at the skin there as his belt came undone with a clang.

Hands fumbling around Joel’s, both of you worked to pull his jeans and his boxers down just enough to free his length. Your eyes were locked on his crotch as his cock sprang up against his belly button, the tip red and leaking. You never grew tired of the sight, his hardness long and wide, the head bulbous where precome dripped out onto the tan skin of his stomach.

Hips lifting, you bunched the fabric of your dress around your waist while Joel helped position himself at your entrance. You finally sunk down on him, savoring that sweet sting as he filled your warmth. You let Joel sweep you away in the sensations his body could give you– the gentle roll of your hips against his, the ghost of his breath across your lips as your foreheads rested against one another. The way your skin heated up under his gaze. The warm tone of his voice, sending pinpricks from your toes to the tips of your ears. It was so easy to forget that you were in the middle of a parking lot on the side of the highway when Joel could fill your senses so completely. Easy to forget that anybody could pull into this lot behind the rest stop, park beside you, and watch exactly how Joel Miller ruined you in the backseat of his pickup.

“Takin’ me so well, baby girl. Lettin’ me fill your tight little hole.”

His words were the sweetest encouragement, stoking your desire as it burned around where he was buried within you. You felt so good, so full, but you needed more. Muscles tightening, your pace increased, fingers tangled in his hair. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, and the familiar scent of pine and citrus enveloped you—still lingering on his skin from the shower he took at the hotel. Tiny whimpers fell from your lips as you began to truly bounce atop him, gasping each time he brushed that perfect spot within you.

“That’s fuckin’ right, bounce on this cock.”

You rode him until your thighs burned, skin slick with arousal and sweat, mewling pathetic little uh uh uh’s as you thrust up and down on Joel’s lap again and again and again. You were painfully close, but your muscles were too sore to keep up the motion. Joel tutted in mock-sympathy when you went limp in his arms.

“All tired out already?” He shook his head. “Woulda thought you’d have more stamina than a ‘dirty old fuck’ like me.”

You whined against his neck, almost regretting your earlier teasing. You knew it was all in good fun—but you also knew it gave Joel perfect ammunition for this little dynamic. Fingers dug into your cheeks, pulling you back up to meet his eyes. The deep brown glinted with barely restrained hunger. Yeah, there’s no way he’d let you off easy. Not that you would want him to.

“I’m sorry, Joel, y’know I was kidding.”

You tried so, so hard to be convincing, whining out the words. Joel didn’t buy it for a second.

“Call me fuckin’ geriatric, and you don’t even have the decency to keep goin’ until I’m finished. You’re gonna act like a brat, then I’ll fuck you like one.”

His harsh grip left your face and found the plush curve of your hips, fingers digging in as he urged you to lift your them. When you did, Joel set a brutal pace as he rutted up into you. Your head lolled to the side and you let him fuck out every thought you’d ever had. By the end, the only thing left was Joel. The hint of cinnamon as you kissed. The rough skin of his calloused hands roaming across your body. The deep plunge of his cock. You could have sworn he was rearranging your guts.

As you got closer and closer, Joel finally thumbed little circles on your clit; swollen and needy. His touch was light, and it sent fireworks dancing behind your eyelids.

“That’s right—fuck. Make a mess on my cock, baby girl.”

Joel’s voice was strained like he was just as close to the edge as you were. It didn’t take long after that before your walls fluttered around him, his pace never slowing as he fucked you through your climax. His thrusts got more and more erratic until his hips stilled, cock pumping his spend deep inside.

You both spent a few moments catching your breath, relaxing into each other’s embrace. His lips were soft as they pressed into the crown of your head before he pulled out of you with a slight groan. His voice was soft, too, when he spoke.

“Not so bad for an old man, huh?”

A smile played at the sides of your lips. You shifted your head on Joel’s shoulder to look up at him, his eyes warm and twinkling when they met yours.

“You know I just like to tease you.” A beat passed before you added, because you just couldn’t help yourself, “Grandpa.”

Joel’s fingers digging into your sides were swift and fierce, tickling you until you were a writhing mess in his lap, bright laughter filling the air. You ended up laying on your back across the leather seats, Joel’s head resting on your belly.

Your eyes were closed, but you could hear the smile in his voice. “You’re such a little shit.”

“It’s why you love me,” you sing-songed, fingers carding through his hair.

“Yeah, baby girl.” Joel pressed a kiss against your abdomen. “I guess it is.”

You rested in silence for a few more minutes, putting off cleaning up as long as you could. After all, Joel had been right, it was important to piss out any risk of a UTI. And the seats needed to be wiped down before you could pick up Sarah from Tommy’s on the way home. But with Joel in your arms, all of that felt far away as you lingered in the afterglow together for just a little while longer.

fuck neil druckmann, support palestine

a/n: thank you for reading!! inspo has been slower lately and life has been busy and i have been busy reading a lot of joel fic, but i am still planning to finish vampire!logan at some point. this was supposed to be a quick fun write, but i ended up shelving vampire!logan for two weeks to get this one done whoooops

btw i know the detail about the rest stop having a windmill is odd but... i did research to find the exact rest stop they would be passing at that point in the drive between dallas and austin and it actually has a fucking windmill lmao

tagging some friends who showed interest in the wip and/or have let me ramble in dms about the wip... thank u for that!!🏷️ @sceletaflores @eupheme @avocado-writing @joelsgoldrush

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[fangirlmermaid]

You're it for me

Summary: Wanda is sick of being pregnant and her powers took over when she saw you sleep peacefully beside her

pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Warning: Pregnancy, Cursing, boobs are mentioned (oh no!!), and Pregnancy fetishism (I guess) is mentioned but not played out!

Note: I promise I won't only write pregnant fic or popstar!reader, if you guys have any ideas DM me, I think I have that open. Also another fanfic so quickly???

(Might be some grammar and punctuation errors) (Kind of long)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like clockwork, Wanda woke up at two in the morning. She sighed in frustration as she felt the twins kicking her.

You and Wanda always talked about starting a family together. She even found a way to make the baby's blood related to you both.

Wanda said she would carry the babies. Ever since the whole fighting Thanos, Wanda wanted to lay low and live a normal life with you (her wife) on your guy’s farm.

Wanda rubbed her eight-month-pregnant belly, hopefully, it would lure Billy and Tommy back to sleep. Wanda couldn’t wait to be a mother but she wanted these nine months to be over. She was tired of always having to go to the bathroom, of something hurting, and not getting a full night's sleep.

Wanda glared at you who was passed out snoring lightly. How dare you rub it in her face that you could sleep without interruptions. You rolled onto your side, your back facing her.

If you both decide to have more kids, Wanda decided that you're carrying them.

Once the babies had calmed down, Wanda placed her hand on your stomach. With Wanda’s swollen belly, it’s been hard to have you close to her. This is how Wanda has been cuddling you since her bump got big. She hates it!!!!

Wanda sighed in frustration when she felt the twins kicking her again. Wanda tried to lean close to your ear “You’re carrying them” Wanda stated for next time. Wanda stayed there waiting for the babies to tire themselves out.

Next Day

Beep Beep Beep Beep You hit snooze on your alarm, in your opinion, the worst part about working on a farm is having to wake up at the ass crack of dawn because you have a shit ton of things to do.

You throw your legs over the bed about to get up, but you stop. You sit there frozen too scared to move. Did something… No, no, that’s crazy.

You were about to get up but that’s when you felt it again, something flutter inside you.

You pulled your quilt off and you gasped at what your eyes laid on. Your stomach was swollen, and your pajama shirt which was originally a little big on you is now bunched up under your boobs.

You rubbed your eyes hoping you were hallucinating but nope, it was still there.

Your shaky finger poked the stomach, and at first, nothing happened. Then you poked it again, and the bump was rocking side to side causing you to jump a little.

Your heart was running, no matter how hard you tried to come up with how it happened it wasn’t logical.

You felt whatever was inside of you hit your ribs hard, almost as if it punched you.

“Ow” You whispered not wanting to wake up Wanda.

You lightly slap the bump which causes it to punch you in the ribs again.

“Bitch!” You yelled glaring at your stomach

“Love, what’s wrong?” Wanda asked

In a panic, you threw the blanket over your shoulder making sure to cover your stomach. You didn’t want Wanda to stress because you love her and it could hurt the babies.

Grabbing the short bed frame to help you up, you felt like someone gorilla glued five sixteen-pound bowling balls to your stomach. “Fuck, it’s heavy” You mumbled placing your free hand under your stomach for support.

You slowly turned around “Nothing baby, go back to sl-”

Your eyes widen, Wanda isn’t pregnant anymore. Like her bump just vanished.

You felt ashamed of how long it took you to figure it out.

You let the blanket slip onto the ground, exposing Wanda to your state.

Wanda’s mouth dropped, she looked down at her flat stomach and then back at you.

Wanda slowly made her way over to you, she was trying to pretend she wasn’t freaking out.

Wanda poked your stomach nothing happened, then she poked again and the twins kicked you hard.

“Fuck” you hissed bending over in pain, Wanda apologized.

“How did this happen?” Wanda asked her eyes staying on the bump, you shrugged “I don’t know! You’re the one with the red wiggly woos!” You whispered yelled.

Realization hit Wanda, she looked down at her hands before giving you a nervous smile. Your shoulder dropped “What did you do?!” You panicked, Wanda couldn’t meet your eyes “Last night Billy and Tommy woke me up, seeing you sleeping peacefully made me mad. So I placed my hand on your stomach while I cuddled you and I said your…carrying…them” Wanda's voice grew quiet your eyes widened and your mouth dropped too stunned to speak “I totally meant for next time!” Wanda explained pointing her finger at you.

You started to hyperventilate. You’re not prepared to give birth, you barely even read the parenting books Wanda bought for you. Your body hasn’t been preparing for the two human beings you're going to be pushing out. What if something happens and you have to go into surgery or you die?!

Also, how are you going to explain to people how you are suddenly eight months pregnant? You always do the socializing part of business so Wanda doesn’t have to!

“Love, Love” Wanda called rubbing your back “You need to calm down” Wanda explained in a hushed tone. You knew she was right but how could you be calm in this moment?

“Wanda, Alan is coming over around lunch to pick up some apples for the farmers market” You stated, Wanda squeezed your arms “Let’s get you back to bed, and I’ll look at the book” Wanda assured. You nodded, Wanda grabbed your hand to ease you back into bed, and she placed a mountain of pillows to support your back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wanda sat in the kitchen at the dining table flipping through the Darkhold, she didn’t even know what she was looking for.

Deep down Wanda was happy to have a break from being pregnant, she knows that you are right of course but still. There’s a part of her hoping you change your mind to stay that way.

“Ah, shit!” a voice from outside yelled, Wanda look out the window where she found you waddling towards the chicken coop with a basket in your hand. Wanda closed the book “What is she…” Wanda trailed off walking towards the back door.

Wanda walked towards you crossing her arms over her chest “Um, (Y/N)” Your wife called, you let out a soft hmmm while throwing chicken feed onto the ground “What are you doing?” Wanda wondered her voice stern, you kept throwing the chickens their food “What does it look like?” you sassed still focusing on your task. Wanda finally reached you, she pulled the empty basket out of your hands and placed it on the ground “Not resting like you should be” Wanda stated. You faced your wife sighing in frustration, “Wanda I have things to do, I can’t lay in bed” you reminded, Wanda stood behind you placing a hand on your hip and her other hand grabbing your hand “I’ll do the chores, I don’t want you on your feet until I figure out how to undo this” Wanda told guiding her wife back inside the house.

Wanda eased you back into bed “There we go, love” Wanda smiled pulling the blankets up to your chest. You groaned pushing the blanket under your bump “It’s so itchy” you whined scratching your belly, Wanda grabbed the lotion from her bedside table.

Wanda’s eyes landed on you. Seeing you carrying her children made her smile. It also turned her on, but she knew that was the last thing on your mind.

“Baby?” Your voice brought Wanda back. “Sorry, Love.” Wanda blushed, squirting the lotion onto your bump. Billy and Tommy started to move around “Do they ever stop?” You groaned throwing your head against your pillow, Wanda chuckled as she rubbed the lotion into your skin. Wanda loved that she got to take care of you for a change, she could get used to this. Maybe she could brainwash everyone into thinking that you were the one pregnant all along.

“That feels so good thank you, baby” you moaned, your breathing hitched, You were making it harder for Wanda to not go down on you. Wanda could only smile, “I got chores, do you need anything?” Wanda interlocked your hand with hers you shook your head, Wanda gave you a quick peck on the lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pain shot down your back causing you to wake up “Motherfucker” You hissed placing your hand on your back. You opened your eyes seeing that it wasn’t a dream and that you’re still very pregnant. Wanda is a fucking boss for dealing with this shit for eight months.

You stood up hoping a quick walk around the house could relieve the back pain.

After you waddle around the house, you head toward the kitchen where you see Wanda at the dining table flipping through the Darkhold.

Wanda looked exhausted, she had paint smeared on her cheek. She sighed in frustration, she kept drifting to sleep. From growing your babies to doing a shit ton of chores along with researching on how to reverse the pregnancy. You sighed guilt had a grip on your heart, you looked down at your bump placing a hand on it before looking up at Wanda. Your mind was made up.

You entered the kitchen “Hi, Love” You smiled, Wanda rubbed sleep out of her eyes “Hi, love” Wanda gave a sleepy smile. You sat in the chair next to Wanda whose attention went back to the Darkhold, both of you sat in silence. You twist your wedding ring to soothe your anxiety trying to find the nerve to tell Wanda, hopefully she would understand.

You grabbed Wanda’s hand gaining her attention “What’s wrong?” Wanda wondered her voice laced with concern, you gathered your courage “I don’t want you to reverse this anymore” You admitted pointing to the baby bump Wanda knit her eyebrows “What?” Wanda asked, you took a deep breath “You’ve been crushing it at carrying these two. Seeing you in pain hurts me and I wish I could’ve done something to help you. So let me carry them, you deserve a break” You admitted, you knew your little speech was corny but it was the truth, Wanda’s eyes glossed looking relieved “I love you! You are IT for me! We are never getting divorced” Wanda admitted squeezing your hand, you gave a light laugh “I thought that was a no-brainer” You smiled, and Wanda kissed you passionately.

Honk Honk

You pulled away “Alan’s here” You smiled brushing your nose against your wife’s, Wanda groaned before leaving to meet Alan outside.

[uhbambii]

A Quiet Morning in the Dellamorte Villa

The dawn light crept through the gauzy curtains of the Dellamorte villa, painting the bedroom in soft golds and shadows. Rook stirred beneath the weight of the silk sheets, her hair spilling across the pillow. Her eyes opened slowly, the remnants of a rare, peaceful sleep fading as her gaze landed on the man beside her.

Lucanis Dellamorte, famed heir to one of the most dangerous families and a Crow through and through, lay sprawled on his back, his sharp features softened by sleep. His dark hair framed his face in messy strands, and his angular jaw was shadowed with faint stubble. Despite the peaceful scene, there was something distinctly Lucanis about the way he lay there—an awareness in his stillness, a subtle control even in his rest. He was never really unguarded.

Rook allowed herself a moment to admire him, a rare indulgence. The two of them were not exactly the sort of people who could enjoy idle comforts. But here, in the quiet of his villa, with no one watching and no knives in the dark, she felt safe enough to linger.

Sliding out of bed carefully, she cast a glance over her shoulder. Lucanis didn’t stir. Her lips curled into a faint smirk as her eyes caught sight of his discarded shirt from the night before. Why not?

She slipped the oversized button-up over her shoulders. The fabric hung loosely on her frame, brushing her thighs. It smelled like him—spiced wine and gourmand, danger wrapped in charm. She rolled the sleeves up her arms and padded silently toward the kitchen, a thought forming in her mind.

Muffins.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The Dellamorte villa’s kitchen was absurdly lavish and well-stocked, for someone who rarely ventured home. Rook found the ingredients she needed with minimal fuss. She worked quickly, her Crow training making her as silent in a kitchen as she was in the shadows.

Rook stirred the flour in a bowl, humming softly under her breath, when a familiar voice cut through the quiet.

“Well, this is unexpected.”

She jumped slightly, spinning to see Lucanis leaning casually against the doorway, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was shirtless, his dark eyes glittering with lazy amusement, his hair still mussed from sleep.

“You’re lucky I didn’t have a knife in my hand,” she said, her tone dry but her lips curving into a smile.

“And here I thought nothing could catch a Crow by surprise,” he replied, pushing off the doorway to saunter toward her. “But this… cara mia, this is a sight I wasn’t expecting to wake up to.”

His gaze slid pointedly down to the shirt she wore, his shirt, the top buttons undone to reveal just enough to make his smirk deepen. “Is this your way of staking a claim? I didn’t realize you were so territorial.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she shot back, turning back to the bowl. “I was cold. And you’re lucky I’m feeling generous. I was going to make muffins.”

“Muffins,” he repeated, the word dripping with exaggerated disbelief. “I must still be dreaming. Rook, the infamous Crow, is baking muffins in my kitchen? What’s next—embroidering handkerchiefs?”

“Keep talking, and I won’t save you any.”

Lucanis laughed softly, his voice low and rich as he stepped closer. His hands settled on her waist from behind, his presence warm and undeniably distracting. “You know,” he murmured near her ear, his breath brushing her neck, “you’re whisking that flour like it’s a target, you’ve received contract on. If you want these muffins to be edible, you’ll need to be gentler.”

Rook tried to focus on her task, but the way his hands slid along her hips wasn’t helping. “And what would you know about baking?”

“More than you’d think,” he said, his tone smug. “The Dellamorte name didn’t always keep me well-fed, you know. I had to learn a few things back when I was going through training.”

She snorted. “You? Starving? Hard to imagine.”

“Hard to imagine you in a kitchen, cara mia. Yet here we are.”

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t fight the smile tugging at her lips. Lucanis always had this way of disarming her, slipping past her defenses with that wicked grin and sharp wit.

He leaned closer, his hands tightening slightly on her waist as he teased, “Though I must say, this shirt looks far better on you than it ever did on me.”

“Are you going to help, or just stand there and flirt?”

“Why not both?” His voice was low, and before she could respond, he turned her to face him, lifting her effortlessly onto the cool marble countertop.

“Lucanis—”

He silenced her with a kiss, slow and deliberate, his lips brushing hers with maddening precision. One of his hands trailed up to tangle in her hair, the other remaining firm on her waist. The kiss deepened, his usual charm giving way to something more intent, more real.

When he finally pulled back, Lucanis lingered, his dark eyes locked on hers, warm and brimming with a familiar, maddening confidence. His fingers traced a slow, deliberate path down her arm, and a crooked smile played on his lips. "You know," he murmured, his voice low and rich, "you don't have to sneak off in the morning to make muffins. You could just wake me up. Though I can't promise we'd get out of bed anytime soon."

Rook raised an eyebrow, fighting the flush that crept into her cheeks. "And what exactly would you do, Lucanis mio, if I did?"

His grin widened, the kind of grin that usually preceded trouble. He leaned in closer, watching her carefully. "Oh, I can think of plenty of ways to make it worth your while. None of them involve flour."

Her lips twitched into a smirk, but she turned her face before he could see the warmth blooming across her face. "You're trouble, you know that?"

"I've heard rumors," he replied, stepping back just enough to grab the whisk from her hands. "But if you're sneaking around in my shirt to bake muffins, I must be doing something right." His eyes roved over her, slow and deliberate, lingering just a little too long. "It's a good look, by the way.”

Before she could reply, he stepped between her legs, settling his hands on her bare thighs. His lips hovered just above hers, close enough that her breath caught. "You could have stayed in bed," he murmured, his voice a velvet promise. "And I could've kept you... busy."

"Some of us like to start our mornings productively," she managed, though her voice was softer than she intended.

"Productive?" he teased, his eyes scanning hers as he spoke. "You're in my shirt, with no pants, making muffins in my kitchen. And here I was thinking you just wanted to drive me insane."

She smirked, leaning in just enough to brush her lips against his in a quick, teasing kiss. “Maybe I did,” she murmured, her tone as sweetly provocative as the look in her eyes.

Lucanis let out a low groan, his hands tightening briefly on her thighs before sliding up to rest on her hips. His forehead came to rest against hers, his voice a husky whisper laced with amusement. “Strega mia, one day you’re going to be the death of me.”

Her smirk widened, her hands slipping to his shoulders as she tilted her head playfully. “Is that a complaint?”

“Far from it,” he replied, his lips brushing against the corner of her mouth in a maddeningly light touch. “If I go, at least I’ll die happy—and very, very distracted.”

Rook laughed softly, pushing against his chest just enough to make him step back. “Well, I wouldn’t want to deprive Treviso of its most charming Crow just yet.”

“Il più affascinante, per favore,” he laughed with a wink, retreating only far enough to grab the whisk again. His gaze swept over her once more, lingering on her bare legs and the way his shirt clung to her. “Though if you keep parading around my kitchen like this, amore mio, I might be tempted to retire early.”

“Tempted?” she shot back, sliding off the counter and standing toe-to-toe with him. “I’d think you’d have better self-control than that, Amorino.”

He leaned in, close enough that their noses nearly touched, his voice dropping to a seductive purr. “With you? Self-control doesn’t stand a chance.”

She arched an eyebrow, fighting the grin threatening to break free. “You’re full of it, you know.”

“And yet, you tolerate it,” he quipped with a grin, echoing her earlier words as he turned back to the mixing bowl.

Rook leaned against the counter, watching him work, her smirk softening. Despite all his bravado and charm, there was something grounding about the way Lucanis moved in his own space, so at ease yet so attuned to her presence. She could feel it—the way he made her a part of his world without ever saying a word.

“So,” he said, breaking the silence as he gave her a sly glance. “Breakfast today, cara mia. Tomorrow… dinner?”

“Tomorrow?” she asked, feigning surprise. “You’re awfully confident I’ll still be here.”

Lucanis grinned, setting the whisk down and stepping closer to her again. His hands slid around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he murmured against her ear, “Oh, I’m very confident. After all, tesoro, I always get what I want.”

Her heart gave an unsteady flip, but she kept her smirk in place as she leaned back to meet his gaze. “And what is it you want, Lucanis?”

“You,” he said simply, his voice low and unguarded as his dark eyes held hers. Then, just as quickly, his lips curved into a devilish smile. “But I’ll settle for muffins… for now.”

Rook let out a soft laugh, shaking her head as she pushed him toward the stove. “You really are trouble.”

“And you love it,” he tossed over his shoulder as he turned back to the batter.

She didn’t respond, her gaze lingering on him for a moment longer than she intended. Because, damn him, she did.

———————————————————————————

Is it possible to fall in love with my own writing???

IM EATING IT UPPPP!!!

———————————————————————————

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Meet the Family 5

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your boss needs a last-minute favour for the holidays.(petite!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen

Note: Today is my friday bc I booked time off to go see my grammy!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

You don’t dare enter the suite again until you hear snoring. You’re cautious as you move around in the low rhythm of Lloyd’s slumber. It begins to dawn on you slowly what you’ve agreed to. You’re used to controlled doses of him. You go to work, do his bidding, then clock out. There might be a few late nights but this is too much. 

One million dollars. You repeat it to yourself like a mantra. With that money you can but your way free of this man once and for all. Hell, you might go back to school so you can be an insufferable boss one day. That might actually make your mother proud. 

You shut yourself in the bathroom and try to wake yourself with a shower. It’s nice but your fatigue is even more obvious as you emerge. Your coffee sits cold and forgotten next to scraps of bacon and an empty cup. 

You go back down to the dining hall and sit to enjoy your coffee without the threat of another awkward moment. You rub your forehead as you lean your elbow on the table and sip. Not bad for hotel brand. 

You return to the room and knock before you let yourself in. You hear stirring in the bed as you do but nothing as lewd as last time. Lloyd groans and whimpers. 

“My head,” he moans. 

“It’s almost ten,” you say. “What time is this brunch at?” 

He whines again and drags a pillow over his head. You open your carry-on and pull out your travel tube of pain killers. You cross to him and grab his hand, shoving the capsules into his palm. 

“Get up,” you say, “what time?” 

He clasps onto your fist and rips the pillow off. He tugs on you as he sits up. His eyes are blood shot and his forehead creased with agony. You want to laugh in his face. Serves him right. 

“Twelve,” he pouts. 

You wrench your hand free and go to the mini fridge. You grab him a bottle of water and toss it onto his lap. He catches it with a flinch. 

“Woah, watch the gems,” he warns. 

“I gotta go get my luggage. Find something appropriate,” you look down at the grey sweatshirt and leggings meant for the flight home. “Get yourself together.” 

You turn and grab your jacket. You’re really not looking forward to this. You agreed to it, though, and you won’t be Lloyd. You’re not going to gripe about a decision you made. One million, one million, one million... 

You go out to your car and grab your bag. You haul it back up and after another cautious tap on the door, you push your way into the room. The bathroom door is open as the shower thrums and Lloyd’s groans underline the hum. You shut it and prop your bag up on the chair. 

You pick out the cashmere cream blouse with the twisted neckline and a pair of soft beige wool trousers. Presentable but not high effort. These people are not going to stress, not any more than he already has. 

You change and search your toiletry bag. You use the wall mirror to get ready as you hear the shower crank off. Lloyd’s clumsy steps slap the tile and he crashes into the door from the inside. You make no effort to check on his as you blend in your blush. 

“Urghhhhh,” he appears like a yeti from a snow drift, staggering with his head nearly beneath his shoulders. “I feel like a sorority girl after rush week.” 

“That’s gross,” you reprimand as you put the blush stick away. “I think maybe this is a good lesson. Take it easy on the mimosas at brunch, huh?” 

“Hair of the dog,” he insists as he clutches the top of the towel and stumbles to the bed. “You wanna get out my Gucci suit. You can iron the jacket--” 

“Excuse me?” You turn. 

“Please, my beloved,” he whines. 

“N. O.” You say. 

“I’m paying you--” 

“That wasn’t what we discussed.” 

“Wives iron suits,” he retorts. 

“In 1952.” You bounce back. “Lloyd. This is business. We sell this thing to your family so you can get your money, and I can get mine, and that’s that. This is a shell. Okay?” 

“Hmph,” he grunts. He sucks his teeth as he thinks and you turn back to the mirror. You see his reflection. You don’t like that twinkle in his eyes. “Well, if we really want to sell this thing, we gotta make it seem natural.” He stands up and wobbles as he braces his forehead. He takes a breath and lumbers towards you, “you gotta act like you’re into me.” 

He brings his hand down and squeezes your ass. It’s more painful than you expect. You’re reminded of that unceremonious pinch issued by another of his bloodline. 

You spin to face him and slap his hand down, “ow. Don’t do that.” 

“Like I said, you’re not going to be engaged to guy you can’t stand. Okay? So you gotta get into it,” he reaches around you with both arms and cups your ass, pulling you flush to him. You drop your mascara and smack his upper stomach. 

“Lloyd,” you growl. 

“Put a little honey in it,” he kneads your ass as you squirm. 

“Let go--” 

“You know I’m right,” he wiggles his hips and the towel slips off. 

“Oh, god!” You push on him harder. 

“Mm, you know, I never realised how tiny you are. I could just...” He bends his knees as he slides one hand down your thigh and the other up your back. He angles to scoop you up. You squeal in surprise. “Ah, easy as pie. Just like me, Pixie stick. 

“Lloyd, put me down,” you writhe in his grasp. “This isn’t okay!” 

“Should we consummate now--” 

“Ew, oh, no.” 

“Ew?” He echoes. “What’s ew about it? I’m rich, I’m attractive--” He pauses as he turns and tosses you toward the bed. You land in a heap with a yelp. “And I’m strong.” 

You don’t have a chance to recover before he’s on top of you. He catches your hands before you can swipe at his face and he pins them above your head. He straddles you, shamelessly naked, and snickers. 

“Trust me, my thrust game is on point,” he rolls his hips and you close your eyes. 

“Lloyd, off. Now.” 

“I’m tryna get off, Pixie, trust,” he leans over you until you feel his breath. “We could have lots of fun. After three years of tension, you know it’s inevitable.” 

“Tension?” You hiss, “oh, I don’t think it’s the kind you think.” 

“You’re stressed. I’m offering you relief. A little extra bang for your buck, here.” 

“No,” you grit out between your teeth, twisting your wrists in his grip and you kick your legs. You don’t like the way it makes the whole bed jostle. “Just get off of me. Please.” 

“I’m trying to get in you,” he snarls. 

Your eyes snap open as his nose comes down next to yours. He leers down at you as his irises no longer sparkle. His features are sinister as he puffs down at you like a wild beast. Your heart jumps into your throat. He’s no longer just a nuisance, he’s a danger. 

You open and close your fingers, “we’ll be late if you don’t.” 

He stares down at you. You feel him breathing, shallow and rabid, as your own heartbeat thumps in your chest. He doesn’t have to stop and there’s really nothing you can do to make him. 

“Mom’s already mad at me,” he grumbles and pushes himself up. He slowly drags himself off and turns his back to you. You watch the muscles tauten and bring yourself up on your elbows. 

“I’ll iron your suit,” you relent. “Just put some underwear one.” 

He scoffs as you carefully roll away from him. You move as if any sudden motion might antagonize him. He gets up and grabs his phone from the night stand. He huffs as he lights up the screen. 

“This licks ass,” he growls. 

You go to his suitcase and open it. You search out the label with the G on it and hold up the red blazer. “Is this the one?” 

He looks at you as he chews his cheek. He nods and quickly goes back to his phone, tapping on it with his thumb. You roll your eyes and find a pair of black slacks to match. You take it all out and unfold the ironing board from the wall. 

You nearly wince as he approaches. He passes you and goes to his bag, bending to sift through it. “You know, I usually like to hang free.” He rips something from the suitcase, “but for you, I’ll tie the hog down.” He stands and steps into the briefs one leg at a time. He snaps the band and puts his hands on his hips. “Happy?” 

“Not really,” you mutter. 

“Yeah, me neither,” he sighs. 

❄️

In the daylight, the Hansen’s mansion appears even more pristine. As you come up the long walk with the elaborate set stone, Lloyd neatens his mustache with a small mother of pearl comb. You give him a side glance but say nothing. He hasn’t stopped fidgeting since you got in the car. 

You get to the front door and prepare yourself for another encounter with the worst people you’ve met. For all your time working for the man next to you, you should be perfectly honed for the task. Still, you’re not sure you can be ready for that bunch. 

Lloyd lets himself in and you follow. As you unzip your booties, he clears his throat. “Hey, mom, we’re here.” 

He receives no answer but you can hear the din humming from another room. He takes off his jacket and hangs it. You put yours next to his. His cheek ticks with dread and he forces his chin up. 

You follow him to the dining room and as he enters, he receives no welcome. A few stray looks are aimed at you but no one acknowledges your arrival. Lloyd clears his throat and sits. You claim the seat next to him and peer around. How jolly of a holiday. 

As your boss shifts beside you, you hold back a yawn. You haven’t got enough sleep for this nonsense. Lloyd sits forward and reaches for the jug of orange juice. Another hand reaches out to catch the crystal decanter. 

“Let us get the formalities out of the way, son,” William snarls. “You owe your mother an apology.” 

Lloyd rescinds his reach and flinches, “an apology?” 

“Yes, you humiliated her last night, storming off like that.” 

Lloyd blinks, as genuinely confused as you’ve ever seen him. His throat bobs and his eyes brows arch, “Mom,” he looks at Gwenyth as she puts her posture as straight as she can. “I’m sorry.” 

“Are you? And what about this one? I’d say she started all this trouble,” she accuses as she points at you with a red acrylic. 

You nearly scoff. Instead, you match her energy. “I have nothing to apologise for.” 

“Pixie,” Lloyd hisses. 

“No, why should I apologise? Tell me exactly what I did and I’ll let you know if I’m sorry.” 

“Pix, what are you doing?” Lloyd murmurs. 

“Well, you...” Gwenyth begins. “You said—You--” 

“You accused me of being out for money. I’m not. You insulted him,” you gesture carelessly to Lloyd, “repeatedly. So, I’m not entirely sure what I did that offended you so much. I’ve been pleasant but it doesn’t mean you can walk all over me.” 

“You are defiant,” she yaps shrilly. 

“I’m being honest. And to apologise wouldn’t be honest,” you shrug. “Now, if you would rather we leave, I’m more than happy to pack up. Obviously, I can’t meet your high standards.” 

“Pixie,” Lloyd whispers. 

The table is silent as you stare across it. You feel the fire burning under your skin. You’re not sure where that came from. Maybe it’s because none of this really matters. You don’t need to impress them. You just need to get that courthouse contract signed and you can be on your merry way. This is all just pretense. 

“Hm,” William pushes the jug toward Lloyd, “you hold onto that one. She’s clever.” 

“William,” Gwenyth yowls and swats her husband’s arm. 

“She has a point,” he says. 

“But--” 

“Suppose we are a bit hard on the boy,” he argues. 

“Or maybe he’s just a disappointment,” Lillian preens. “Daddy, please. He waited forty-three years to meet expectations.” 

“Better late than never,” Benson snorts. “I’d prefer never.” 

There’s a bit of laughter, though Gwenyth and Lillian continue to glare across at you. You would be intimidated if you were concerned about their opinions. But they are nothing compared to your grandmother’s eternal glower or your mother’s grim sighs. You might be better prepared for this than you thought. 

“Exactly what she said,” Lloyd swipes up the jug and stops himself, reaching for your glass instead of his. He fills it and presents it to you with a smirk. “We didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“All this waiting and for what,” Gwenyth fans herself and sniffles. “And he chooses this prissy little--” 

“Gwen,” William warns curtly. “Please, do not spoil another meal.” 

“Me? Spoil? I never.” She whines. 

“Hm, yes, we will not mention Easter then,” William tuts. “Let us just enjoy today. After all, I’m sure she could be at home with her own family.” 

You could and you would rather be. Yet, that is one thing you can blame on Lloyd. The more you think of it, you can blame every single snipe and jab on him. After all, he snared you into this. You might have been easily bought but that doesn’t excuse his machinations. 

You look at him with no effort to conceal the revelation. He meets your eye and his brows twitch. He bares his teeth sheepishly. Your eyes narrow as you center every ounce of exhaustion, chagrin, and general distaste in his direction.  

“You okay, honey pie?” He asks softly. 

You reach for your glass and examine it, “is there prosecco in this? If not, could I request some?” You turn back to the table. You hear Lloyd gulp and feel him shift before he reaches to touch your arm. It’s your turn to indulge. 

[lvnleah]

our little footballer.

find the series masterlist here!

May 2028 | 3 years old. 

“Mumma! Mummy!” Finley's voice rang through the house, bright and eager, just before the bedroom door swung open. The sound of his small feet pattering on the floor signalled the start of the day. The sun hadn’t even risen fully yet, but Finley was already wide awake. 

“Wake up! I play football today!” he shouted, his excitement contagious. 

Leah groaned softly as Finley climbed up onto the bed, his small but surprisingly strong hands gripping the duvet as he scrambled over to her side. He didn't hesitate before plopping himself right down onto her chest, causing her to let out a playful “Ooft!” in protest.

“When did you get so big, huh?” she asked, her voice still thick with sleep as she blinked her eyes open to look at him. “You’re still a baby!”

Finley giggled, his blonde curls bouncing as he sat proudly on top of her, his eyes shining with excitement. “Me a big boy now, silly Mumma!” he declared, puffing his little chest out. “I play football today!” He wiggled with joy, barely able to contain himself as he repeated the words.  

From your side of the bed, you smiled at the scene, watching the two of them. Leah looked at you with a tired but affectionate smile. 

Leah gently lifted Finley off her chest and sat him between the two of you. “And what time is it, Mr. Big Boy?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.  

Finley frowned, his face scrunching up in concentration. “It’s... football o’clock!”  

You and Leah both laughed at that. “Football o’clock, huh?” you said, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “Pretty sure it’s still early, bubs.”

“Early birds score goals, right?” Leah added with a grin. She sat up, rubbing her eyes before planting a quick kiss on Finley’s forehead. “Alright, alright. Let’s get you ready for your big day.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Finley scrambled off the bed, hopping down and running toward his tiny closet where his kit and boots waited. Leah had laid them out the night before, knowing full well he’d be up at the crack of dawn, ready to go. 

“Look!” Finley called out, holding up his mini Arsenal kit with pride. “I’m gonna score a goal today! Beffy said I’m the best striker!”

Leah smirked, glancing over at you with that playful gleam in her eye. “Beffy said that, did she?”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile. “You know she’s been trying to claim him as a striker since he was born.”

“Well, we’ll see about that,” Leah said, “He’s got defender written all over him.”

Finley, still holding his kit, looked over at you both, confused. “What that?”

Leah walked over, crouching down to his level. “It means you stop the other team from scoring goals. Like how Mumma does.”

“Oh,” Finley said, considering this for a moment. Then his face lit up. “But I want to score goals like Beffy!”

Leah laughed, shaking her head. “Alright, little striker. We’ll see how you do today.”

You got up as well, heading toward the kitchen to make breakfast while Leah helped Finley into his kit. His little boots were placed neatly by the door, and you could hear him excitedly chatting away as Leah knelt down to lace them up. 

By the time breakfast was ready, Finley was already fully dressed, bouncing from foot to foot as he waited impatiently. 

“Look, Mummy!” he called out, running toward you in his mini kit, his boots thudding against the floor. “I’m ready!”

“You sure are,” you said, smiling as you set his plate down. “Now let’s make sure you eat something before all that running around.”

Finley, never one to sit still for long, hurriedly ate his breakfast, his legs swinging beneath the table. He had gotten so big over the past three years and you sometimes wondered where your tiny baby had gone. 

He was now in preschool for two days of the week and was a little chatterbox, you and Leah never heard a minute of silence anymore. 

A few weeks ago, Leah had insisted on getting him the best pair of boots, even though you knew he'd outgrow them in a matter of months. She’d picked up a tiny pair, with bright blue stripes running along the sides. 

“He looks so grown up,” Leah said, her voice cracking just a little.

You smiled and shook your head. "He’s three, Leah. He’s still a bubba."

After what felt like an eternity to Finley, the time finally came to head out. The drive to the local park was filled with the sound of Finley’s non-stop chatter. He talked about scoring goals, saving shots, and how Beth and Lia were coming to watch him just like he’d asked them to. His excitement was infectious, and even though Leah tried to stay calm, you could tell she was as eager as Finley was to see him play.

When you arrived, Finley hopped out of the car and immediately started bouncing up and down, his energy at an all-time high. 

“There’s Beffy!” he squealed, pointing as Beth, Lia, and Viv got out of their car. 

Beth knelt down to greet him, pulling him into a hug as he ran into her chest. “There’s my little striker! Ready to score some goals today?”

“Yes!” Finley replied, nodding enthusiastically.

Viv chuckled, ruffling Finley’s hair. “You're going to be so good, Finn!”

Finley seemed to consider this for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m gonna score goals!”

Lia smirked, nudging Beth. “Looks like you’ve already won him over.”

Leah crossed her arms with a teasing glare toward Beth. “We’ll see about that.”

The session began soon after, and as Finley joined the other kids, the rest of you stood on the sidelines, watching proudly. His excitement was still there, but there was a determination in his little face as well—a little frown identical to Leah’s. 

When the ball finally came to him, he took a deep breath, and with one swift kick, sent it straight into the net.

The cheers from the sidelines were deafening.

“Striker!” Beth shouted, grinning as Leah just shook her head with a smile. “See, what did I tell you?” Beth grinned, nudging Leah. “Natural-born striker.”

Leah shook her head, but there was no denying the joy in her eyes. “Beginner’s luck.”

But then it happened again. Another shot, another goal. This time, Finley turned to the sidelines, arms raised high as if expecting a stadium’s worth of applause. And that’s exactly what he got. You and the girls clapped and cheered like you were in the stands of the Emirates.

Beth was the first to run over, scooping Finley into her arms again. “Two goals! He’s definitely following in my footsteps.”

Leah laughed, though her eyes never left Finley. “We’ll see. He’s still got time to be a defender!”

Lia smirked, leaning in toward you. “I’m betting on goalkeeper.”

The session eventually came to an end, and Finley ran over, red-faced and grinning, sweat dampening his blonde curls. He plopped down on the grass, looking up at you and Leah with a satisfied sigh.

“Can I play for Arsenal one day,” he asked as you handed him a juice box. 

Leah knelt down next to him, “You just might, buddy. But remember, it’s all about having fun.”

As you all made your way back to the car, Finley chattered non-stop about the session. His excitement was infectious. Leah squeezed your hand as you both walked behind the group.

“Our little footballer,” she said quietly, her voice filled with pride.

You smiled, squeezing back. “Yeah, our little footballer.”

And though it was just the first of many football sessions to come, you both knew it was the start of something special. 

[kurishiri]

18.5 . . . “ a meaningless emotion ”

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— 🤍 his side story, chapter 18. this is one you can purchase on your second play through of his route.

— cw: the very end may be considered suicidal ideation.

Alfons: ...I think I’ve had just about enough of this blasted sob story.

I slipped out of the bed and changed——if I loitered around the castle, running into her would be a pain.

(Today there’ll be some merrymaking happening amongst the eccentric nobility.)

It wasn’t as though I wanted to go out of my way to go there, but it was a perfect way to kill time.

—— Time skip ——

Alfons: Alright then, what shall we bet on next?

Drunken man: I got it! How about this oil painting that my old man said was his most valued one, not that I know anything about it!

Crossdressing woman: Did you steal that? Vincent… huh, who is this? Never heard of him. Isn’t it just a cheap thing?

Alfons: Hehe, I must say it’s quite unlike nobility to worry over the value of the good.

Crossdressing woman: But it’s not so exciting, you know, it’s better to have something that shows its value.

Alfons: Well then… how about I give a dream where “this painting is worth 500 pounds?”

Man smoking a cigar: Oh, that’s a good idea.

Whether it was nobility, drunken people at some street corner of the bar, the orphans at the East End, and what have you, they weren’t so different.

They would find any pleasure they could through gambling, liquor, or sex, so they could live while avoiding their pains and worries.

Drunken nobleman: Hey, Al, is that rumor about you having a recent favorite true?

Noble lady with gloves: Al, you mustn’t become someone’s partner! We need you to stay a star of all single nobles.

Alfons: Yes, yes, such was my intention.

Drunken nobleman: So you say, but your heart’s already taken by that person, isn’t it?

Alfons: Hehe, I digress.

Man smoking a cigar: …Let’s just leave it at that. If we question him any more, he may never come again, and that would sure put us in a bind.

Man smoking a cigar: Even if his heart’s got its sights set on someone, it’s fine as long as he shares some of that pleasure… isn’t that right?

Noble lady with gloves: Well, I suppose. Ahh, I hope my father gives up on matters of my marriage soon…

(‘My heart’s already taken by that person’… huh.)

When I heard those words that seemed to embody the soul of romanticism,

Kate was the one and sole person who came to mind, and for a moment, I felt called out.

——You hurt me so much and leave me in the dust, but now you decide to commit? That’s just cruel…!

At some point, the little robin had made its home within my mind, making an angered face and suddenly turning away.

(Hehe… it’s not as though I’m committing.)

Alfons: Perhaps I do have some guilt left in me… ah, it’s a straight flush.

Drunken man: Al’s win again?!

As I was staring in a daze at the trump cards raining and fluttering down,

just as I had intended, time melted away into idleness.

I ended up drinking through the night until dawn and having a meat pie from a street seller for breakfast, I returned to the castle, and——

Alfons: Oh?

In a stroke of bad luck, I happened upon Roger and Miss Kate walking together.

Kate: Ah... w-welcome back.

Roger: Hey there, Al.

Leaving aside the mentally strong former doctor who, regardless whether he was aware he was being hated on, would initiate a conversation with a light tone and carefree smile,

Miss Kate very obviously looked awkward.

(I can’t even flatter your acting skills.)

She was the complete opposite of me, who had a lot of practice when it came to plastering on a smile.

Alfons: Well I’ll be, are you on your way to a most friendly outing, the two of you?

Kate: Ah, no, we’re...

Roger: What, curiosity got you piqued?

As if to make a point, Roger wrapped his arm around Kate’s shoulder snugly.

Kate: Roger!? What are you doing—

Roger: Alright then, let me fill you in. We’re gonna be spending the whole entire day holed up in a locked room, just the two of us. Let’s get along now, yeah?

(This man needs to get a hobby.)

(I hardly have any intention of hopping on that cheap provocation.)

Alfons: Oh my, is that so? It would appear you’ve found yourself a lovely playmate while I was not around. I’m happy for you, Miss Kate.

Kate: …

I gave a smile to convey I didn’t think anything of it, and Miss Kate, as though hurt, furrowed her brows.

(Aha, you poor soul, you.)

I figured she probably wasn’t clinging to Roger in hopes that he would heal her broken heart.

I knew very well that she was hardly the type to be able to do such things.

Her single-mindedness in facing me no matter how much I refused or hurt her was staunch to be sure.

(And that’s exactly what makes her different from me… I suppose.)

(Well, whether she’ll make it out safely from the basement after being alone with this man is a different story…)

(But it doesn’t have anything to do with me, so.)

The moment I tried to leave, Miss Kate opened her mouth, as though trying to pull me back.

Kate: Alfons..!

Alfons: ? Yes, what is it?

Kate: ...I still very much like you.

Alfons: ...Come again?

Roger: ... (O_O)

It was such a sudden confession of love, I stiffened out of instinct.

(………Has she gone bonkers?)

(You do know I’m the man who played your feelings of love, and to top it all off, told you it was all a ‘nuisance’ and left the bed, right?)

And yet she still insisted on pouring these dazzling words on me; what else could I think her as, if not crazy?

Kate: Even if this all amounts to a nuisance to you... this is the ‘truth’ for me, so.

Alfons: .........

(Ah, now I’ve done it. This should be the part where I laugh it all off.)

I needed to make her think that, no matter how earnestly she threw her feelings at me, they would never get through, so she could give up on me.

(So that these feelings of love she holds for me amounts to nothing but garbage…)

(I need to laugh at her, to deny her——)

My mind knew that, and yet for some reason, my lips couldn’t form a smile.

Kate: Okay, we’re going, Roger.

Miss Kate, seeming as though she wanted to run from my silence, ran down the staircase leading to the basement.

Roger: Pfft, haha... I feel like I haven’t seen you so dumbfounded in forever.

As Kate’s footsteps grew more distant, I heard an unpleasant laughter.

I hated how this man would not seem to pay any mind to the feelings of others like that.

Alfons: ...Oh, believe me, she is far from the first who’s rendered me so positively dumbfounded like this.

Roger: Hmm? So is it safe to say she’s no different than anyone else to you then?

R: Because if so, I may or may not end up stealing her away for real.

While slowly turning for the staircase, those egoistic lips showed a provoking smile.

Roger: After all, it’s not like you’d really care what happens to a toy you don’t need anymore, right?

Alfons: ………

Perhaps the reason I felt displeasure rise up from within me was because the one before me was a man filled with haughty arrogance.

Or was it because she was the one getting stolen?

(Whichever it is, I shouldn’t care for the answer.)

(Because, in any case, I didn’t have such a choice to step even further into her life to find the reason for this temporary displeasure.)

If that was the case, thinking on it was foolish. And yet——

Her lips, which were trembling as she declared how she ‘still liked me,’

the palms of her hands, which were gripped tightly together as though grasping onto courage,

and those eyes that looked so directly at me, as if to say to not misunderstand,

were all engraved into the back of my mind, refusing to let go.

The heavy footsteps going down the staircase grated on my ears, severely so.

For the feeling of a favorite toy being stolen away, it felt extremely bitter.

(Is this… jealousy? Me, of all people? But, how?)

The notion of getting something I said I didn’t need taken away, and then still feeling displeased over it and whatnot, was much like a child’s selfishness.

And besides——

(…The most I was able to do was imitate love, feeling nothing but emotional disconnect.)

Alfons: …I suppose the biggest mystery to one is themself.

Labeling the jealousy I felt that bubbled up from somewhere in me as ‘meaningless,’ I threw it behind me.

Thinking on it more would only make my helplessness more clear than it already was.

Hoping to idle the time away, I walked to my room, when all of a sudden, a certain question came to mind.

(Come to think of it, if they’re not doing anything shady, then what in the world are those two doing in the basement…?)

For a moment, I felt a sense of unease.

Miss Kate, who had said she ‘still liked me,’

was with Roger, the one who spouted off some nonsense about ‘changing fates’ and whatnot,

and they were in the basement, where a lot of documents concerning ‘Cursed ones’ were abundant, which would mean…

Alfons: …Now that just can’t be. She wouldn’t be so much a fool as to not know when to not give up, would she.

I denied it with my voice, but my chest got more and more filled with that uneasy feeling.

(What if, even after I pushed her away this far, it was already too late?)

(What if she poured even more of her feelings into me, continuing to spend more time with me——?)

Alfons: …Should that time ever come,

A: Perhaps I should simply up and disappear, just like that.

← back next →

masterlist🪞 ╱ ko-fi ☕️ ╱ comms 🤍

NOTE: this is the last his side story i will translate, and the last chapter i will translate concerning alfons main story. thank you for accompanying me so long in this translation, to those who have read it all! it really means a lot to me! i enjoy translating for al lots, and i hope that came through as you were reading overall 🥹🙏

to those who will be reading his route in en, i hope you enjoy what this roller coaster of a route has to offer! theres a lot of complexities woven into his route thats sure give you something to think about. i translated this last chapter to close off the project, putting in my best wishes for you 🫶

i have heard from those who have read what i did for elbies main story that reading my tl has helped enhance their reading experience in en, and i hope this can do the same for you! or if you cant afford the premium stories or dont want to grind for these his side stories, i hope i could provide a way for you to access them more freely. again, thank you to everyone who has supported me, read my tls, interacted with these posts, etc.

its largely thanks to you that i can close this project and look back on it with positive memories! 🪞🤍✨

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ tags🏷️ ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ @drachonia

[midnightmah07]

i miss sending things to your inbox but since I don’t have any oc x canon of yours currently being done, have some sleepyhowls

It wasn’t the way they acted around each other that gave it away—at least, not for Jack. It was the way he looked at Dawn. As though any blink might rob him of some small, precious detail. Ace never missed the chance to tease him for it. Constantly.

“You painted your nails?” Jack asked, taking her small hand in his.

“Huh? Looks the same to me,” Epel muttered with a shrug.

“Vil let me borrow some nail polish,” Dawn explained with a chuckle. “It’s a little lighter than the last one. I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“Of course he noticed. He’s in lo—” Ace started, only to yelp and wince as a sharp kick landed under the table. Wonder who could’ve done that.

Later that night, the teasing was long forgotten, but Jack’s gaze wasn’t. He sat quietly across from her, his sharp eyes never leaving her. The others were fast asleep, their impromptu sleepover stretching later than expected. Yet Dawn, plagued by her usual insomnia, sat awake. Jack, ever stubborn, had stayed up with her.

“You should really sleep, Jack,” Dawn said softly, her voice tinged with concern. A faint smile curved her lips. “You don’t have to stay awake because of me.”

“I can take it,” Jack grumbled, suppressing a yawn. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Well, I do, because you’re awake for my sake,” she replied with a gentle laugh. And again, she noticed the way he looked at her. It wasn’t predatory, not like the sharp gaze of a wolf hunting its prey. No, it was something softer, something almost tender.

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked away, trying to escape the intensity of his eyes.

“Wait,” Jack murmured, standing slightly taller as he stepped closer. His ears twitched, and his voice dipped low, almost vulnerable. “Please… don’t look away, Dawn.”

“I want to look at you,” he said, the words leaving him without hesitation.

Dawn’s breath hitched. Her hands fidgeted with the sleeves of her pajama top as warmth crept into her cheeks. That look—it wasn’t the intense stare of a wolf or even the playful glint of a puppy. No, it was something else entirely. Something… overwhelming.

“I… I should go to sleep,” she finally stammered, her voice unsteady. “You should try to do the same.”

Jack nodded, his stoic demeanor slipping back into place. “Yeah… goodnight.” With that, he laid back onto his makeshift bed, his eyes finally breaking away from hers.

Dawn stood frozen for a moment, her thoughts swirling. Her heart was still racing from his words, his gaze, the intensity of the moment. She returned to her spot, pulling the blanket over her, but sleep wouldn’t come—not because of her insomnia, but because of the warmth that lingered.

For the first time in a while, the night didn’t feel so heavy. And it wasn’t insomnia keeping her awake. It was him.

Girls (me) when SleepyHowls:

THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOSH IM GONNA FAINT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HOW ARE THEY SO ADORABLE. JAIL. RIGHT TO JAIL. THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. YOU'RE GOING TO PRISON FOR WRITING SOMETHING SO FLUFFY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME AND *EXPLODES*

I'm sobbing. Crying even. I can't do this no more. I'm gonna pass out.

[starlost-mochi-x]

lonely st. series finale ✧ chapter x : a new dawn

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)

warnings: mentions of injuries, lil bit angsty, some romance (not saying who but it's a surprise!), sad jisung :(( he's the best, i can't be bothered to write any more warnings. also i have no clue how basketball works so any basketballer stays out there pls don't come for me

a/n: it's done! i cried writing this last chapter but the ending is worth it i swear. thank you so much for all of the love, it means the world, and i'm so glad to have written this series for all of you <3 please read this post before you open this chapter if you haven't already 💫

series masterlist | skz masterlist

Hyunjin leapt and shot a hoop for the umpteenth time; he glanced over at the closed double doors of the gym as the ball thudded against the ground.

The gym was quiet and dark; the lights were turned off, and Hyunjin could only see because of the moonlight that spilled into the room from the high windows, unobstructed by other buildings and illuminating the lines and boundaries of the court.

Retrieving the ball, he sat down in the middle of the court, glancing around the darkened gym. He wasn't supposed to be in there to begin with; it was eleven pm and he was supposed to be in bed, sleeping.

Yet again, he hadn't been able to.

Feeling so restless that even sleepy Jeongin began to become disturbed by his tossing and turning, he'd decided to take a walk and figured that it wouldn't have hurt to shoot a few hoops to try and tire himself out. The last game of the tournament was tomorrow; they'd be heading back to school early and competing there.

Hyunjin contemplated his performance so far; he'd done pretty well, and worked harder than he'd thought he could. Every game except one which was a draw, they'd won so far.

There was one match left and Hyunjin had no intention of breaking the winning streak. Not when he and his teammates had worked so inexplicably hard.

He touched the bandage on his wrist, deep in thought; the friction burn was healing, and the bruise was beginning to fade, little by little, but after five whole days, there had been no real improvement. His wrist still hurt when he moved it too far to the left and it ached dully when he flexed his forearm.

He'd been told to leave the bandage on so as to prevent infection; at first, he hadn't minded, but soon the addition of the wrap to his body had become nothing more than a constant nuisance, something he'd had to stop and adjust during games.

The nurse who had wrapped it to begin with had given him a sling, or brace of some sorts; it was sleek and black, wrapping up his forearm and securing at the base of his thumb. He didn't wear it during the night, but he smiled at the memory of when he'd shown it to his teammates.

"It looks like a spy glove," Jeongin had told him with a grin.

Hyunjin wasn't sure what that had meant, but at least it had made little foxy Innie smile. He flexed his fingers absentmindedly, realising that the younger member hadn't been as happy as he had been at the start of the tournament.

They were doing just fine in terms of the competition, but Hyunjin knew his team members well, and if the evidence of overwhelming, strained practices and sleepless nights was enough to go by, he could tell they all just wanted to go home.

He felt the exact same way; the last few days had stung more and more without Y/n. He'd told her everything that had happened as often as he could, whether it was over the phone or through text.

He found he liked calling her better; it was nice hearing her voice, especially when he put it on speaker and let her tone float around him. It was like she was sitting right beside him as he talked about everything that had happened.

Deciding to get up and head back to bed, he put the basketball back into the netted ball bins near the door and slipped out of the gym, pressing the large flat button to raise the hoop. It ascended into the ceiling with a soft whirring sound and Hyunjin slipped round the corridor, walking towards his dorm.

He checked the time; he'd been gone for about an hour and a half. Hopefully the other members were asleep by now, and if he was lucky, he would be able to dress down and slip into bed before anyone even stirred.

Checking round the corner for any potential adults or figures of authority, Hyunjin hurried silently down the hallway to his dorm. It wasn't like anyone was out this time of night, but he still felt wary, and he couldn't help but think what might happen if any of the coaches if they caught him sneaking around in the dead of night.

Quietly opening the door to his dorm room and flinching at the click of the lock, he slipped inside and shut it as quietly as possible. The room was dark; he froze for a second, trying to determine whether anyone was awake. Hearing nothings but soft breathing and the occasional shuffle from Jeongin's bunk, he tiptoed over the his corner of the room, toeing off his socks and gently placing them down next to his sneakers.

It was completely dark in the room; Hyunjin stretched a hand in front of his face and saw nothing. He squinted and tried to adjust his watering eyes to the pitch blackness of the room as he slipped off his hoodie, then his shirt.

It was freezing cold; the dorms usually became cold by night, therefore they'd been supplied with extra bedsheets and blankets, and been told to dress warm for the night, but Hyunjin quite liked not having layers on when he slept. He liked the feeling of the coolness against his skin; it seeped through his skin and made him feel light, airy, and clean.

It was especially welcome as the sweat cooled and evaporated off of his skin; it meant he didn't have to freshen up. Now standing in nothing but his usual shorts, he felt his way to his bottom bunk, clumsily settling into the sheets and turning to face the wall.

He jolted and let out a muffled yelp as someone rolled over and slung a warm arm around his middle. Recognising the size and build of it almost instantly, he let out a shaky breath.

"Shit, Felix," he whispered. "You scared me."

From behind him, Felix smirked so hard Hyunjin could almost hear it in the dimness of the room. "Sorry."

"Why are you in my bed and not yours, sleepy chicken?"

Felix tugged him closer, nuzzling his face into Hyunjin's nape and whispering into the skin. "I got cold and Innie told me to leave him alone. Jisung's dead to the world and he tends to unknowingly thwack me if I sleep next to him, so I came to your bunk. Surprise, you weren't there."

Hyunjin let out a soft scoff. "My bad."

"It is your bad," Felix agreed. "Out talking to Y/n again?"

Hyunjin stiffened slightly and lightly pinched Felix's hand, resting on his hip. "No. I couldn't sleep, so I went to shoot a couple hoops."

Felix hissed. "You could have gotten in so much trouble."

His friend let out a soft, exasperated noise. "I can't help it. Besides, I've had a lot to think about."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Felix's voice was soft and thoughtful, though a little teasing. "Like what?"

"The winning streak our team has. My forearm injury. Y/n. You. The mess with Jisung. Also, my hair's growing longer and I don't know how to cut it myself." Hyunjin blew a strand of it out of his eyes as if to demonstrate his point.

Felix chuckle softly, murmuring. "Maybe you should ask Y/n to cut it for you when you get back."

Hyunjin was silent for a moment. "I really miss her, Lix."

"I know. I miss her too."

Hyunjin turned and shuffled, facing his friend. Felix tangled their legs together for warmth, shivering. Noticing his discomfort, Hyunjin pulled him gently closer and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, his voice becoming even softer than before.

"Do you think she really might like me?"

Felix nodded softly, the quiet brushing sound of his head against the pillow being Hyunjin's only confirmation. Quickly getting up to reach for his phone, which he'd thrown on the floor (Hyunjin swore he would never treat his own device like that) he settled back into his friend's bed and opened to his homescreen.

The sudden brightness made both boys hiss and Hyunjin let out a muffle groan. Felix, however, was undeterred, and navigated with watering eyes to his messages, where he opened up the chat he had with Y/n.

Turning his phone to Hyunjin, Felix pointed to several messages from her that had been sent not long ago.

"She sent these to me after I called her to check something back at home," he whispered. "It was really late, and she was crying."

Hyunjin's eyes widened as he realised the date. It was the almost exact same time and the same date from when she'd told him to look in his bag. Where he'd found the bandaids, and the little note she'd left for him inside the innermost pocket.

The exact same date, where she'd texted Felix crying, and the exact same date where Hyunjin had sat in the middle of the lamplit dorm, tears streaking down his cheeks as he'd cried to himself.

He cried because he had missed her, he wanted to see her, and he couldn't help the tidal wave of emotions that had surged over him after Y/n had ended the call; overwhelm, tiredness, longing, sadness. On top of all of that, she was just really sweet and the sentimentality of the gesture had brought tears to his eyes. Jisung had always joked about how soft he was for affectionate gestures, and Hyunjin was grudgingly beginning to see how he had a point.

He took Felix's phone and read through the messages from after the phone call with her had ended.

*call with 'y/nnie ⛓️' ended. call duration 00:01:43* lix 🌻: he'll be back soon, y/nnie. don't worry! y/nnie ⛓️: is he doing okay? lix 🌻: he's good i think lix 🌻: he was kinda upset a couple days ago because of all the pressure that's been heaped on him lix 🌻: and he's been a little tense y/nnie ⛓️: i could tell after we talked on the phone y/nnie ⛓️: he sounded really tired too lix 🌻: if his voice is anything to go by, you sound exhausted lix 🌻: but please don't cry y/nnie ⛓️: i'm sorry for calling you and disturbing you from whatever you were doing, lix lix 🌻: nonono don't be sorry!! i understand lix 🌻: i think he misses you too lix 🌻: ...but you already know that

Hyunjin turned the phone towards the real Felix laying beside him and glared at him pointedly.

"You gonna keep exposing me like this?" He whispered.

Felix whispered back accusingly. "I didn't say anything exposing to her. You literally told her you missed her."

"Oh, right. My bad."

Felix scoffed and it turned into a quiet laugh, muffled by Hyunjin's large hand over his mouth.

"Don't wake the others," he huffed out, though a smile teased the corners of his mouth.

His friend nodded, both of them bathed in the bright blue glow of Felix's phone screen, which was still held aloft between them in Hyunjin's hands.

"I really do miss her, Lix."

His friend's voice was soft. "I know. Are you planning to tell her, though? How you feel?"

Hyunjin sighed. "I want to, but I just don't know."

Felix propped himself up on his elbows and began stroking Hyunjin's hair out of his face. "If you don't tell her, she might go a long time without having you by her side. In that way."

"But I'd rather have her friendship than nothing at all," Hyunjin glanced at him desperately.

"Well, we're heading back tomorrow, for the final game, so maybe you can tell her then."

Hyunjin sighed and settled down further into the sheets, feeling heat radiating off of Felix's body. "Maybe."

From the other side of the room, Jisung, who had been silently listening from his bunk, closed his eyes, and slept.

Hyunjin sighed and pushed the ball bins back into the gym's storage cupboard. The boys' teams had spent the entire morning helping to clean and pack up the courts for the end of the tournament, and though it had initially sounded like an easy task, it turned out to be quite the opposite.

Hyunjin was sweating by the time he'd packed up his assigned area; he'd been told to check all of the storage cupboards and count the balls, before scouring the courts for any strays left over. He'd been running back and forth through the gyms all morning.

Wiping his forehead with a sweaty hand, he wondered where all of the others had gone. Each member had been given a set of different tasks, and though they had initially planned to leave for the school campus early in the morning, the date had been changed so that they were leaving later that afternoon.

Hyunjin didn't mind; he'd grown quite accustomed to the polished courts and the dorms where he'd spent so much time. He sat down in the middle of the court and leaned back on his hands. His wrist was almost healed; there was still a noticeable burn mark, and the inside of his forearm was painted in shades of fading purple and green.

He chuckled as a shout snapped him out of his thoughts; Jeongin had been sent to the gym next door to organize the basketball gear, and Hyunjin thought he heard a faint thudding, most likely the basketballs he'd spent all morning collecting tumbling out of the bins and onto the courts.

"Shit, Innie," he groaned aloud to himself. "That took me all morning."

Getting up, he stretched his hands far above his head, letting out another groan, and decided to go check on his younger member to see what kind of chaos he'd managed to cause this time.

Stepping out of the double doors and wincing at the sunlight that just so happened to be shining in his face, he shielded his eyes with a hand and began walking through the pathway that led to where Jeongin was. He passed another gym and paused as he heard a familiar laugh from inside.

Curiosity, or perhaps nosiness getting the best of him, he peeked into the gym, noticing two figures sprawled out on the polished wooden floors. Checking left and right, and then cautiously poking his head into the gym, he looked around, trying to find something he could hide behind.

Noticing a storage cupboard to the right, which had been left ajar, he braced himself and dropped to his hands and knees, glancing across to make sure he wasn't seen. He took off his sneakers too; the last thing he wanted was for Felix and his little girlfriend to hear him squeaking his way across the court.

He hoped the storage cupboard was empty; a quick glance around showed him that it was. Satisfied with his hiding spot, he poked his head a little around the door to spy on his friend.

He felt a little bit bad; after all, they assumed they were alone; but he couldn't help it.

Besides, Hyunjin thought with a grudging grin, It's about time he gets a girl.

The girl in question, who Hyunjin had previously assumed to be a volleyballer, was leaning against one of the basketball bins at her back, legs stretched out in front of her. Felix was leaning on one hand, nodding along attentively to something she was saying. Hyunjin bit his lip to keep the smile from his face; it was honestly really cute.

He watched as Felix reached up a hand to run it through his hair, his eyes not leaving the girl's face. She didn't look away either as his hand came down, suspiciously close to her own. She made to fake-stretch and rested her hand closer to his friends.

He rolled his eyes. Get on with it already, man.

Felix apparently must have heard his telepathic message, because he inched his hand forward, just barely touching hers. Hyunjin's smile grew as he saw her hand inch forward too, til their fingers were loosely laced together against the polished floor of the court.

Even though Hyunjin was a short distance away, he could see Felix's cheeks heating up, taking on a soft pink hue matching the girl's ears. If he was being honest with himself, Hyunjin was halfway through wanting to clap and cheer and halfway through wanting to throw up, but he kept quiet and hidden nonetheless.

Felix adjusted himself so he was a little closer; his fingers moved to lightly run his thumb along the back of the girl's hand. He was smiling as sincerely as Hyunjin had ever seen it. Even brighter than the sun. Was that possible?

He was busy pondering that thought when his vision came back into focus, just in time to see Felix press his mouth to hers.

Hyunjin's jaw dropped and he knew he should look away, give his friend privacy, but he was so enamoured by the sight of his forever-bitchless friend finally getting some game that all he could do was stare with his mouth open.

Felix tilted his head a little and brought a hand up to gently run it along the side of her face; the girl's hands were clutching at his shoulders and she was beginning to lean back. Felix blindly reached beside her head, still kissing her, and pushed the ball bin that she was leaning on away, sending it rolling back a metre. He leaned forward just as the girl leaned back, propping herself up on the floor.

O-kay, time to stop watching them now-!

Hyunjin turned and covered his mouth as he leant against the wall of the storage cupboard, in disbelief. He'd just seen his friend kissing a girl.

Hyunjin now had two choices; stay until they had finished with the lovey-dovey notions, or risk being seen as he left. He decided to stay in the storage cupboard after a moment of strategic thinking. If the faint sounds of kissing and sighing were anything to go by, they wouldn't be done for a while.

Looking around the small, dark room while he waited, Hyunjin noticed another door hidden behind a small rack of tennis equipment to his left. Getting up as quietly as he could, he moved to the door and turned the handle, wondering whether it led to a smaller cupboard.

It didn't. It led out into the sunshine, and Hyunjin realised it was the back door to the gym. He sighed in relief and shut the door behind himself.

Deciding to actually go and find Jeongin, and see if he needed any help, Hyunjin set off towards the other gym opposite, peeking inside just in case he happened to walk in on anyone else.

Jisung and Jeongin were inside, much to Hyunjin's relief, and he walked to them, feeling a bit shaky on his legs. They were sitting in the middle of the court, playing some sort of game on Jisung's phone, and apparently finished with their tasks. Hyunjin sighed thankfully; at least their jobs were done. He'd already decided not to tell them anything for fear of upsetting Felix.

Jeongin looked up as he approached, smiling. It dropped as he tilted his head at the older boy in concern.

"Captain, why is your face so red?"

The bus ride back to the school campus was long and uneventful; the boys had started off chattering and laughing, throwing snack wrappers at each other, and teasing other endlessly, but had eventually fallen silent as the ride progressed. Hyunjin sat next to Jeongin this time, Felix having decided to sit with Jisung.

Looking through the gap in the seats, Hyunjin noticed Felix smiling at his phone, his cheeks still a bit red. His hair was a little disheveled too and Hyunjin smiled to himself as he turned and leant back against his seat, closing his eyes.

At least someone had the guts to confess.

He looked out the window, contemplatively intertwining his hands as his brow furrowed, wondering what he should do. He had followed through with his plan so far; he'd grown closer to Y/n through texts an calls, and he had a slight feeling that she might like him, but he still wasn't any closer to finding out whether Jisung harboured any sort of affection towards her or not.

Truthfully, he hadn't been talking to him much, only when they were on the court. Otherwise, they'd only been talking when absolutely necessary, and as Hyunjin reflected, he began to feel guilty for how much he'd been neglecting his friend. He wondered if Jisung had any idea about what was going on. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.

He could only hope it was the latter.

He knew for sure that Jisung had caught onto his avoidant behaviour; he'd overheard him talking to Felix about how he felt like he'd done something wrong, or perhaps said something that might have upset Hyunjin, and as a result, made his captain avoid him.

He'd felt pretty bad after that; Hyunjin kicked himself for letting the negative feelings fester in his heart for so long. He should have just talked to him about it. But there was still a part of him that felt that Jisung liked Y/n too, and if he knew that he had competition, things could have turned nasty between them.

And yes, Hyunjin liked Jisung, and he was a close friend, but Hyunjin had finally found a potential other half in Y/n, and he wasn't sure what he was willing to put on the line if it meant being on the receiving end of her affection.

Was it worth losing Jisung for Y/n?

Hyunjin groaned softly and let his head fall against the window, the vibrating sensation of the bus's movement reverberating through his head, shaking up his thoughts. It was still sunny outside, and he closed his eyes, letting the sunshine filter through onto his skin, painting the insides of his eyelids in a coral sheen.

He jolted as Jeongin's head fell slowly on his shoulder; looking down, he realised the younger boy had fallen asleep. Brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes, he kissed his friend's head affectionately and he decided to attempt to fall asleep himself, trying to get comfortable in his seat.

Maybe some rest would clear his mind.

"Okay, so you two can play defence for the first half, because we've watched some of the other team's plays and they always go for the left side, so you two block them there. Innie, make sure you get in front of the other team's shooter, so we have a clear view of the net."

Jeongin nodded. "Okay."

Hyunjin stood and regarded each of his teammates in turn. They were prepared. For once, he felt focused, sharp, and fire ran through his veins as he took his position on the court, the center.

The final game.

The court was packed to the brim; the school had even hung several banners in the boys' team colours to encourage them. They could win a home game.

Students, teachers, and even the principal had come down to spectate the game, filling out the bleachers. Those who couldn't find somewhere to sit were happy enough to watch the game from the side of the court, provided they didn't distract any of the boys playing.

Hyunjin had previously felt rather nervous upon entering the court, seeing that everyone was there, but he'd told himself to focus, putting all thoughts out of his mind while he zoned in. The game was his only priority right now; everything could be dealt with after.

Including Y/n.

He hadn't seen her in the crowd; he hoped she was in there somewhere, spectating. He wanted her to be here, but he didn't have time to scan the bleachers and the crowd, instead deciding that the team should run through the tactics one more time. He'd enlisted Felix to tie his hair back; it hadn't worked the first time. His bangs were too short to be tied back, but too long and distracting to have in his face.

Grudgingly, he'd allowed Felix to loosely braid it, so that he had one of either side, his hair in a tiny little bun at his nape. It felt a little strange; it'd been so long since he had a haircut. He was used to having no hair against his neck, since he liked it short, but he found that he didn't mind the longer length either.

Also, Y/n had teasingly told him she liked the style on him when he'd sent her a picture of the group over text.

So he'd kept it.

Shaking his head, Hyunjin kept his eyes on the ball as the referee held it between them, poised to blow the whistle. There was gradual silence as the crowd settled down, waiting in anticipation to see who would get the upper hand first.

To no one's surprise, and to the enormous annoyance of the other team's center, Hyunjin's fingertips brushed the ball, sending it almost halfway down the court, where his teammate intercepted it and began dribbling towards the hoop.

Hyunjin landed lightly and quickly adjusted the black sleeve protecting his injury, before racing down the court.

Twenty minutes later and Hyunjin was beginning to become weary and exhausted; his coach called a timeout and went through a couple strategies, much to the team's relief. It'd been one of the toughest games so far, and as Hyunjin glanced up at the scoreboard, he realised they were currently at a tie.

He exhaled forcefully as the game started up again, moving to defend an opponent as Felix moved down the court with the ball. He noticed two of the other team's members moving towards Jisung as Felix passed the ball to him, and shouted out a warning.

One of the opponents budged Jisung hard with his shoulder, attempting to take the ball, and he spun, leaning over with the ball to his middle to stop them from taking it. Jisung looked up as the other opponent covered the closest team member; there was nowhere for him to pass. He glanced up at the clock as Hyunjin began to move towards him. Thirty seconds.. he could either wait it out and keep the ball, or risk passing.

If they take the ball, though, he thought. I have to keep it on our side.

Desperately, he looked to Hyunjin, who was currently being marked by an opponent. The clock began to count down, the crowd's cries becoming increasingly loud and frantic.

Twenty seconds.

Jisung barely managed to pass the ball to his friend, almost tripping, and Hyunjin exhaled as he moved towards the hoop, faster than he'd ever done in his life.

Much to his dismay, an opponent to his left brushed his arm as he reached for the ball, and nudged Hyunjin's injury, sending a shooting pain up his left arm. Crying out and dropping the ball, stumbling, he made to recapture it before someone whizzed past and stole it.

Jisung.

He had three opponents marking him now, and a clear shot of the hoop. They caged him in and Hyunjin fell unsurely, clumsy on his feet. His arm was beginning to throb sharply and it became hard to focus on anything else. He could only stand as Felix hoisted him from the ground and watch as Jisung dribbled the ball where he stood, looking for an opening.

Ten seconds.

Jisung made to move towards the hoop and was shoved roughly in the side. Hyunjin let out an outraged yelp but Felix held him back, just as Jisung fell down, shooting desperately at the hoop in a last-ditch attempt.

The buzzer rang as the ball hit the floor.

Everyone turned to look at the referee; they'd all missed the opportunity to see if the ball had gone in, and that too during the ending buzzer. There was silence as he debated the verdict, before lifting his left hand and signaling a point to Hyunjin's team.

The crowd roared in ecstasy, but Hyunjin was distracted; Jisung was on the floor, back to him, clutching his right leg.

Skidding to his knees beside his teammate and raising a hand for the medic, he glanced down desperately at his friend.

"Jisung," he gasped, panting.

His face was twisted in pain, his lips parting as he groaned softly, chest heaving. Hyunjin let the hair tie slip from his locks, his bangs falling into his face as he cradled Jisung's head.

Their coach and two medics came to assess his friend; one of them moved to take off Jisung's shoe. His ankle was already beginning to bruise severely, the swelling evident against his pale skin. Jisung cried out just as the medic attempted to move it gently to the left.

"Sung," Hyunjin whispered, the guilt flooding his system all of a sudden. "I'm so sorry, I- I got jealous, and I hurt you, and I didn't meant to ignore you for the entire tournament, it's just-"

Jisung was being helped into a sitting position, still managing to shoot Hyunjin a pained grin as he panted. "I know, Cap. Relax."

"Sung, I swear, I should have-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know you like her, by the way."

Hyunjin's head snapped up. The medics took no notice, and their coach stood to direct the others off the court. The crowd was now chattering amongst themselves, and Hyunjin was glad they weren't dead silent, staring at Jisung and his now-hurt ankle.

"Y-you knew?"

Jisung rolled his eyes despite the pain. "Yeah, I knew. It wasn't hard to tell. Besides, I decided to let you be mad at me for a while because I figured you had enough going on. You're welcome."

Hyunjin's eyes filled with tears despite the public situation. "Thanks. I'm so sorry, Jisung."

His friend waved a hand, his head lolling back a little as he hissed, the medic moving to cushion his foot. "Ah- shit, yeah, it's all good, man. I don't like her, by the way."

Hyunjin blinked at him. "You don't?"

"She's nice and all, but nah."

Hyunjin let his shoulders sag in relief. Touching Jisung's hand, he smiled at him just as a tear ran down his cheek. He felt overwhelmingly happy all of a sudden; they'd won the championship, he'd made up with his friend, and now he could finally relax now that Jisung didn't like Y/n. Of course, there was still the matter of whether Y/n liked him, or anyone for that matter, but Hyunjin brushed that thought to the back of his mind, letting it sit quiet and forgotten for the time being.

Jisung smirked at his friend, his face sweaty and flushed. "Felix has a girlfriend now. That volleyballer chick. He confessed to her before we left and they're planning to meet up. Think it's about time you did the same thing, Hyunjinnie."

Hyunjin's eyes met his friend's a little sadly. "I don't know where she is."

"Felix said he saw her walking down the corridor by her form class earlier. Apparently just chilling out by herself since we don't have classes because of the game."

Hyunjin squeezed Jisung's hand. "I don't want to leave you."

His friend waved a hand. "Go. I'll be fine, they're probably going to take me to the infirmary. We'll see you later, okay?"

Hyunjin nodded and stepped back, letting the medics lift his friend and sling an arm over each of their shoulders, carrying him off the court.

He congratulated his team briefly and shook hands with the other team before slipping out of the gym. An increasing sense of urgency settled in his stomach, each step he took fueling the fire that had been burning in his heart since he'd realised what Y/n meant to him.

Please, he thought desperately as he broke into a run. Please let her be here. I don't care that she didn't watch my game, I just want to see her.

He skidded around a corner and saw a figure sitting in one of the window alcoves, a sketchbook laying open beside them. The page was blank. Hyunjin's heart leapt so high and hard he thought he might lean over and throw it up.

Y/n.

He cried out her name and broke into an even faster run, skidding to a stop beside her. His sneakers screeched against the floor and he doubled over. It wasn't for long, though, and as he hauled himself upright, he felt a pair of arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders.

He clung to her, burying his face in her neck. She didn't seem to care how sweaty he was; her hand came up to cradle the back of his head, undoing the braids from his hair, fingers shaking.

"Hyune," she said quietly. He realised she was crying as he pulled back.

"I missed you so much," he murmured, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I missed you too. It felt like forever, I was so alone-"

Hyunjin shook his head, an unexpected tear running down his cheek. "You're not alone. You said it yourself, you never have been."

She nodded vehemently, still holding onto his shoulders. Hyunjin stepped back a little, his arms still wrapped around her waist. He took a deep breath steeling his resolve.

"Y/n, I have to tell you something."

Her voice was quiet. "Me too."

Hyunjin's heart was thudding so hard it hurt. Now that he finally had the opportunity to tell her how she made him feel, he suddenly found he didn't have the words. It all rushed out of his head in an instant as Y/n looked up at him with wide, wet eyes.

"I don't know how to tell you," he whispered.

"Show, me then."

Hyunjin inhaled sharply, his eyes not leaving her gaze. Taking her chin in a shaking hand, he stroked it affectionately across her jaw.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, throat bobbing as he swallowed.

She did.

Hyunjin leant forward slowly. Surely she knew what he was doing, touching her like this, talking to her so softly. But she didn't back away, didn't back down, just stood close to him, held in his arms, and let Hyunjin kiss her.

She tasted salt and sweat and affection and she tilted her head a little, letting her hands touch his face, though shakily and experimentally.

Pulling back after a minute, Hyunjin rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. He was still holding her waist, and her eyes were still closed. Hyunjin watched a tears slip down her cheek and brushed it away with a warm thumb before it reached her jaw.

"Please don't cry," he murmured to her.

"I'm not..."

Hyunjin chucked softly, feeling so overwhelmed he could do nothing but hold her as if she was an anchor in a stormy sea. "Am I that bad of a kisser?"

Y/n opened her eyes, looking away from him. This time, there was no teasing remark, no playful insult, and it made Hyunjin's heart soar so high he felt like he was floating. He stroked her cheek as he looked back at him, both their tears falling freely.

"You're not alone," he whispered. "You'll never be alone, Y/nnie. I promise."

Y/n nodded, running a hand over her shoulder as Hyunjin pressed two fingers to her cheek, wiping away her tears.

"I know."

Hyunjin chuckled quietly, still holding her. "Yeah? How do you know?"

Y/n smiled up at him, eyes wet. She felt a little embarrassed, but to Hyunjin, she was the most beautiful person in the world, even if she was crying.

She touched his cheek.

"Because now I have you."

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[opalsiren]

'sabrina carpenter is soooo male gaze-y' okay name one female public figure who doesn't have to cater to the male gaze, at least to some extent, in order to maintain their position in the public eye. if you don't like her make-up or costumes that's fine but don't act like it's some salient feminist critique to say wearing lingerie makes you an instrument of patriarchy when every single female popstar has to conform to a certain standard of femininity to reach acclaim. there is certainly room for a convo about why we only listen to music and watch films when the women creatives involved have flawlessly styled hair and a full face of make-up and impracticable clothes on 25/8, and how these standards implicate women in general. but critiquing this one single individual woman for being an arbiter of patriarchy smacks of weirdness. like just say you don't like her hair and go we don't need to act like sabrina carpenter herself invented patriarchy

[sasha-whos-askin-racket]

Just sent my little brother a youtube video depicting the new Until Dawn ending and now we are theorising like crazy and this is genuinely the most conversation we have had with each other in over a year.

When the original game came out, I was 12 and he was 8, and he's turning 18 next month and I haven't lived with him in over three years, and we've only spoken a handful of times since our dad died, but I so much as mention Until Dawn and now we're yapping away endlessly and this is SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

[misscammiedawn]

Some days you just know you did a bad job acting out your personality and are worried you'll be fired for giving an unconvincing performance.

Let's hope tomorrow's show has a bit more heart in it.

[boxwinebaddie]

Wait so did Ike knoww about Stan and Kyle dating? Also I'd love to hear abt Kyle and Ikes sibling relationship thats so adorable

soooooo long story short:

...y-yes. yes, he Does know.

hOWEVER, IKE DOES NOT KNOW RAVEN IS STAN THOUGH, THAT IS SENSITIVE INFO THAT IKE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH, OFC, BUT IT WOULD PUT HIM IN DANGER AND KY WANTS TO KEEP HIM SAFE.

but long story Long...

i'll leave it in the crotch. xx

( edit: so...my bad, baby. i accidentally went on a crazy TANGENT about ike and jerseykyle's relationship bc i love them a lot and their dynamic is very complicated, so if you want that info about how ike found out about ravesey dating...i gotta put it in another ask.

bc this...got Very long.

you don't have to read this. soz. >.> )

oookay!~ so i got REALLY excited about this because rm!jerseykyle and ike's relationship is super duper special to me, in that, as sp fanfic writer girlie who tends to lean away from a more gentle, kindly, introspective kyle and much more heavily into the potential brutal parts and menacing aspects of kyle's personality when i develop my style dynamics with, ofc, jers being the most brutal of all ncu kyles...

...the way that he speaks to ike -- gently, softly, tenderly -- the way that ike disarms him, the way that j.k. unravels around ike, bends for him, it's one of the ONLY instances written into my actual published canon where we see jers be extremely vulnerable. ( not crying, lmao! )

however, i will say, it was not ALWAYS like that!

*rings the cd re-education bell*

LORE TIME!

so, per my rm!take on the south park lore, ike, ofc, was adopted from canada around age five and he...was Perfect. he was this lil gorgeous, perf, lovely thing, no health problems, dark hair, i like to think his eyes are dark brown, closer to black, sweet kid, easy-going...

...and very NOT like kyle.

and, interestingly enough, i think, At First, that sheila and gerald were super obsessed with ike, cooed over him, he was the baby, y'know? which made jerseykyle MAD jealous of ikey and an Anti from day one.

which is also v interesting because rm!ike, really just fkn Worshipped jerseykyle, wanted to be close to him, wanted his approval, craved that brotherly relationship with him, idolized him...and kyle was NOT having it, dawg! like, it took him so long to even let stan in and let his cold, black heart be light and bright enough in some spots to do That, so he pushed ike away, constantly told him to fuck off/get lost

( i do think that ike's vocab being more vulgar/him being precocious comes from wanting to impress kyle/being influenced by him ), also ike was really fkn smart from the jump in a way kyle wasn't like, to me, jerseykyle has worked hard for everything, studied hard, fought hard, and ike was naturally a child prodigy and didn't have to work that hard for anything, all while being gentle and docile and kind.

-- but going back to STAN for a minute...as a direct contrast to how jerseykyle treated ike growing up...gods angel saint ravenstan was always EXTREMELY KIND to ike. stan never had a brother: okay, he had shelley but his relationship with shelley was even more complex than ike and kyle's relationship used to be and the way shelley treated ravenstan was similar to the way jersey was treating ike, so he Deeply Sympathized with that and endeared himself to ike, encouraged him, and the more kyle pushed him away, the closer ike got to stan.

stan and ike i think ALSO had very similar interests in that they both liked louder, heavier music, revolutionary/counter culture stuff, fighting the MAN, sports ( namely hockey ) i think as a gift, actually, that ravenstan gave ike his wayne gretsky hockey yersey and ike STILL has it ( yes, kyle was jealous ), stan encouraged him to be different and carve his own path in life and while kyle, obvi, was the person most effected by stan's untimely passing...it did also do a number on ike who seriously considered stan like a brother to him and was one of the only other people who Never misgendered stan.

SPEAKING OF STAN DY*NG THOUGH: this was when everything sort of...Flipped. because when stan 'died', whatever part of kyle that could love things also died with him along with a lot of his stability.

so on top of all of his health issues, kyle got really, REALLY gnarly ptsd, would fly into blind rages, got randomly triggered by things and see stan everywhere, have really, really sever panic attacks, had to be put on several medications, got into TOOOONS of fights, etc.

and ike...was just sweet, introverted, lovely ike. stayed in his lane, did his work quietly, existed quietly...while kyle was Loud and VOLATILE.

also, to tie in Another ask where someone asked me while sheila didn't take care of ike as well as she could...fair warning, i am a liiiittle defensive abt this topic because it wasn't that she didn't want to take care of ike or meant to neglect him AT ALL, it's just...when you have a a child who has a lot going on mentally and physically, is more of a firestarter, is more aggressive or more outwardly mentally unstable...

...that tends to require more immediate attention ( especially since kyle was sooo unhinged that he was constantly in police stations, juvie, the psych ward ) and sheila's attention more helicopter parent-y in that she wanted to keep kyle safe, whereas geralds attention was more negative, felt kyle was a failure/embarrassment :/// </3 )

so ike, by COMPARISION to jersey, was VERY low maintenance, did not require to be constantly watched to make sure he didn't hurt himself or others, and so, unfortunately while sheila loved him very much ( gerald just wasn't very interested in him as the second kid other than that he not act up/argue w/ him ) he got swept under the rug because of how pliable and pleasant he was personality wise.

so sheila really does Adore ike, she just doesn't worry about him nearly as much and because of how glaring jersey's issues were, she also mistakenly assumes he's mostly fine where...i really do think ike has pretty gnarly depression, tbh. he is stan coded, i mean that. i will say that him acting out is starting to cause a stir in their house.

anyways...i am sorry this is such a MESS but jerseykyle was watched with laser focus and because of this, ike got off scott free most of the time and received almost no attention. like all his accomplishments went unnoticed or were pretty normalized because the standard he set v young being smart/capable, set the bar high. ilysm, ikey. </3

tldr; ike was The Good Child

and jersey was The Bad Child.

but, in being 'good', he got extremely overlooked by his parents.

thiiiiiiis...is where jerseykyle stepped in. so basically his entire life he was staunchly anti-ike, but he warmed up to ike a lot after stan died because they bonded over talking about him a lot/that grief, and also grew up under intense scary jewish matriarch sheila broflovski and the serious shit show that was having gerald as a father...who jersey actually regularly took shit from so ike wouldn't have to, i.g. when ike did something less than perfect or did misbehaved or fucked up, kyle always took the fall for it and was the messed up problem child, so that ike would essentially spared from gerald's mental abuse/wrath.

ike was also kind of the only person j.k. had in the world, so kyle looked after him because...again...ike is very stan coded, kyle is very protective of the lil gentle hearted people and he basically raised ike in the stead of his parents which forced him to be hard on him in a way that sheila and gerald were not hard on ike...which created a lot of dissonance when ike was becoming a teen and kyle was in hs.

so, essentially while when they were little kids, ike followed kyle around, wanted kyle to like him, thought kyle could do no wrong, as he got older and kyle started to nitpick him, actually care about him and start enforcing rules/curfews on him because no one else did, ike developed a rebellious streak and started to not like or listen to kyle because he was like, bro, whatever, you're so boring, it's one party, oh my god, just because you're boring doesn't mean i have to be!!!!

it's mostly just skin deep though, ike is only irritated because jerseykyle is mad overprotective, hard core and did not gentle parent him as an older brother at like, i shit you not fourteen, like i am so sorry but jerseykyle raised ike basically, and inspite of actin like a heartless monster...loves ike very, very much ( even if he can't say it ) and ike also loves kyle very much. jerseykyle is pretty much the only other person besides firkle, tricia, etc. ( i'll get into that in a diff ask ) that truly gave a shit about him and put weight behind his actions.

so jerseykyle is like ike's older brother/dad, rags on him about doing his homework and being an edgelord

( ike has been acting out a lot, one, because he's finally starting to come into his personality more, which, imo, my hc is that ike is p popular but mostly by accident sort of how stan was because he's pretty and very nice, ike is captain of the hockey team, his accent is cute, gets good grades ( he is slacking right now tho bc hes being edgy as hell ), is a lil skater boy gamer boy, IS V INTO TRUE CRIME, JOURNALISM AND ACTIVISM, creating positive change, exposing injustice, enjoys punk rock music, thinks emo boy stuff is neato,

IKE IS THEEEE DAWN SPAWN OF EVER AND I MEAN THAT, he is a raven of crimson dawn FAN BOY, he is obsessed; i mean that...and despite wanting to make waves in that way, like, he really is kind of an antisocial DORK but lots of girls like him, he gets invited to parties, firkle gets invited by proxy even though people think they are a crazy demonic satan worshiping freak of nature...but ike's super bestie, ofc...their relationship is also interesting...BUT YEAH! IKE! <333 )

also per rm canon, jers does miss ikes birthday every year bc going to south park triggers the fuck out of him which he feels very, very badly about, rags on him but is very pro ike doing what he wants to with reason of not acting like a goddamn FOOL and doing his laundry, his emo dirt bag phase is making kyle's eye twitch ooooof, him bleaching his hair and sticking a safety pin through his lip the second ravenstan walks through their front door while ravesey are secretly broken up and jk is extra mad at him; ITS A HOT MESS EXPRESS, Y'ALL!!!!

if you made it this far...i have to put the answer to the FIRST part of your question with all that dialogue in another ask so feel free to re-ask me that, but to reference it a little...ike is so team ravesey like it is actually painful, that is his ROMAN EMPIRE. firkle actually really does not like kyle bc they think he is lame as hell, help, and is anti-ravesey bc they think romance is a distraction,

( okay, spoiler, but firkle is in love with ike, ike does not know this, ike is super fkn oblivious and is actually very bi, so it's not like he's just not aware he is not straight, he just....actually has no idea, rip, he also has a crush on a girl in his class, it DOES make firkle want to actually dome themself to hear about it 25/8, stupid Feelings, smh, firkle b hating jersey and is lowkey a little jersey coded ) anyways they think kyle dating raven of crimson dawn is going to interfere with the band, their music, their sound and is a hater. like boooo! come on, FIRK! :/

BUT IKE IS A ROMANTIC!!! IKE IS THE JR. RAVESEY CAPTAIN!!!!

tldr; kyle and ike have a complicated relationship but love each other very much and ike does eventually learn about ravesey secret dating bc they are the brothers of ever and cannot hide shit from each other BUT I GOTTA PUT IT IN ANOTHER ASK, I AM SO SORRY, BABY, YOU GOTTA ASK ME AGAIN ABOUT THAT! but i hope this thrills you?

-uncle nina, ceo of insane hs isaac moisha broflovski lore

[purplebass]

All this booping made me forget that yesterday Sinner won again, so this is a sign I have to really write the adsom tennis AU that would feature a tournament like the Essen Tasch but with tennis and all the antari (so yeah even the ones who aren't from Red London) will participate... but yeah, you'll hear about it once I grasp more of the storyline lol

[sunflowerrboyy]

i think the biggest heartbreak at the moment is just now when i realized i fucked up and chose the wrong major

[impuratdawne]

every time i think about changing my main accounts handle i remember how perfectly my urls match up and back out of the settings with tears in my eyes

[every1woo]

all my live reactions :P

𝒯𝑂: 𝑆𝑂𝑀𝐸𝑂𝑁𝐸 𝐹𝑅𝑂𝑀 𝐴 𝑊𝐴𝑅𝑀 𝐶𝐿𝐼𝑀𝐴𝑇𝐸 ༉

𝓘N THIS STORY 〃 a life lived as a human among the fae is one hard-earned. the folk are built of indescribable beauty, and of debauchery and mischief. for some, a life lived subservient to the folk is just fine; but to those who dream of something more, they would spend their lives clawing and biting to make it happen.

you, looking for a way to escape a life as a faerie’s human servant, put a new foot forward thinking that any life could be better than that. but, when your first assignment as a king’s spy is alongside a brooding, icy faerie man, you begin to wonder what your place in this foreign world really could be.

wc ➳ 20.2k

pairings faerie!taehyun x human!reader, faerie!yeonjun x human!reader

warnings angst, heated kissing, violence, blood, jealousy jealousy jealousy, controlling and obsessive behavior, a bit of a gross nightmare, magic spell places over a human, a bit of traditional values, i think that’s all…

playlists ⑊ yeonjun ˒ taehyun ˒ series

…🪶 ashlynn's note guys. really. that’s all i have to say. i love u and once again if u see a typo or like whack sentence…… no you didn’t. also my back hurts help

← ⑊ →

You’ve come to a thought, in all your aimless idling about the estate. Running your fingers over the surface of all the things you’ve done and the decisions you’d made leading you into this reality, you’ve been caught on one particularly worrisome divot: the geas. 

They hadn’t exactly given you a time frame, but you surmise that you’re quickly approaching the limit. You've entertained the fantasy that they’ll just consider the both of you dead, but it’s just that: fantasy. You know it’s a ridiculous thought. There’s a plethora of things that they might first assume before coming to the conclusion that you’ve met your ends. Though the geas’ workings are a bit elusive to you, you can imagine that all it would take is a tug to check whether or not you’re alive. So, if you ever really wanted to call this place home, you’ve got to do away with it. You’ve got to. Otherwise, all your wagering to stay here would be in terrible vain. You imagine how much of a fool you already look to Taehyun, considering your entanglement with the prince, and how he’d warned you repeatedly. It’s not your fault that he decided to stay here along with you, but you feel nauseous imagining your own mistakes getting the both of you killed.  

Embroidering whorling designs on the hems of your coverlets or sweating away your energy with practicing blocks and parries, you’d also let your mind wander off to fill the silence. It was then that you’d remembered what Beomgyu had offered you in his attempts at luring you. I could dissolve that geas for you.  

You sit, legs spread out ahead of you, in the little spot that you’ve found yourself frequenting these days: pressed against the side of your wardrobe, just enough room for your feet to brush against the wood framing of your bed without having to bend your knees. Taehyun has recently been bringing an influx of faeries to work the estate—all indebted to him or his father. Or, well, that’s what he tells you, anyway. You choose to believe him, but still, you wonder about the circumstances of those debts. The brownie assigned to your care, named Conifer, is long-limbed with bark for skin that crawls up from her spindly fingers and toes, just to end at her shins and fore-arm, and insists on bathing you and preparing your clothes each day. When you refuse her, she loiters around the doorway anxiously watching you prepare yourself with her watery black eyes until you decide to make her life just a bit easier and allow her to do her work. You don’t exactly adore the scrape of her sharp fingers on your scalp while she does your tresses up, though. Their presence reminds you of the servants you’d see running around Yeonjun’s place.  

In this corner, you avoid them. It’s a nice spot to betray your own resolution; his letters are only a grab of the handles away. You try not to, but you read them. Often. When your memories really get kicking, when you’re sickened by twinkling, desperate eyes looking up to you from the ground, you read them.  

“You look sorry.” Beomgyu settles opposite from you, his back against your bed. 

Scoffing at him, you pull yourself out of a slouch. “Oh, wow. Thank you. You have a way with words,” you quip, hiding the letters you’d fished out indulgently away behind you. 

He furrows his brows. “I meant it.” 

You drag in some air and release it slow. “I know. I’m sure I do.” 

He points at you with the hand he has rested on his knee. “Does it have something to do with the letters?” 

You hadn’t hidden them fast enough. Shame crawls a warm red path over your cheeks and ears. Nobody has made any comments at you for your longing, but it feels pitiful to be doing so. You shake your head. “No. I was just... thinking. About something you said when we first met.” 

Strong brows shoot up over lazed eyes. “I think I said many things,” he says, “you’ll have to tell me.” 

“That you could dissolve my geas,” you say, fiddling with your fingers. 

His eyes consider you. “It bothers you.” 

“It does,” you say. “It was a mistake. I should’ve refused it.” Hope flutters in your chest like a dead weight. You shun it away before reality can rip it out for you. 

Deadpanned, and not particularly delicately, he tells you, “I cannot break it.”  

Nodding, you wilt. It’s what you were expecting, anyway. That would be too easy. "Why not? You said it yourself that you could.” 

“A geas is a type of magic cut from the fabric of a promise. It’ll exist until the faerie that placed it over you chooses to revoke it. I couldn’t reach in and cut the line like I would another sort of enchantment.” He presses his mouth into a line. “I was under the impression that you were brought up here. Hadn’t you known that a promise is binding?” 

 Wincing, you answer, “Yeah. I did.” And yet, you made it. It was perhaps the biggest mistake you’ve made in your entire life. You now understand Taehyun’s aversion when he first made his appearance at the den. You were too tunnel-visioned to really listened to him, then. You run your hands furiously through your hair. “Still... you said you could. How did you say that, if it was a lie?” 

A wicked smile cracks over his lips—one that looks as though he’s sharing a joke that only the both of you might understand, but you’re far from being in on it with him. “A bit late to be learning how our kind play, I believe. I was able to say that because I made myself think it true. It is not plain, and it is not fair, but it’s what it is.” 

“That makes no sense,” you say, shaking your head. “You can’t believe something is true over what you already know is the truth. You’d have to acknowledge the other thing’s truth to do that.” 

He grimaces. “That you believe that is why you’ve found yourself here. It’s paradoxical, maybe, but we’re good at that. Loopholes exist where you look hard enough for them. If you don’t intend to get caught up, you just never accept a Faerie deal, there’s no other way to it.” 

Running fingers over the grooves in the wood of the floor, you say, “I suppose I shouldn’t ask you to work up an enchantment that might counteract it, then.” 

“Perhaps I could,” he says. 

Perked up and mouth dropped open, you’re ready to ask him a waterfall of questions. He cuts in before you can even start. “It wouldn’t rid you of the original magic, and I can make no promises to you that it’d be watertight.” 

“I’ll take anything,” you say. With narrowed eyes, you add, “After that whole speech about finding loopholes to lie, and to never trust faerie magic, though...” 

He frowns at you. “I see how it is.” 

“What? I mean, you said it a few seconds ago. I think getting tripped up into another Faerie trick, like, literally seconds after you warned me about them would be a bit ironic.” 

“We’re no longer friendly,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You laugh. Him considering you friends is news to you. The word is delicious. You want to say it more. “Oh, please. We’re only friends when it benefits you. How can I be so sure you aren’t tricking me?” 

“Now, we’re really not friendly.” 

A laugh bubbles past your lips once again, and you crawl over to him to try and make amends. “You’re the one who said it.” 

He turns his face from you. “Spare me.” 

“Seriously though, do you mean it? That you’d help me?” you ask. The proposition is too shiny to not consider. 

“It’s not as if I could harm you in any way,” he tells you, dropping the theatrics. “I think I’d like something in return for it, though.” 

You frown. Of course, in Faerie, there are no favors. “What would you want?” 

The kelpie’s eyes roam over your room for a moment, but it’s mostly for show, because his eyes come back on you with intent. He lifts his head at you in a pointing gesture. “Those letters,” he says.  

Frown deepening, you sit back. “The letters?” you say, trying to rein in your face. You don’t want him to see how awfully you want to cling to them. Having them is inconsequential when stood beside dealing with the geas, but still... “The ones from Yeonjun?” 

Eyes dancing with interest, he nods. “Those.” 

You pull them from behind you. They look a lot less pretty now, envelopes dented with your touches. You can’t see why he’d have any interest in them; they weren’t even for him. “Why?” you ask him. “They’re just letters.” 

Beomgyu nod his head in acknowledgment. “They are,” he says. “So why do they bother you as they do?” 

Pausing, you consider his words. Why do they? Yeonjun is a liar. You weren’t special—just a mission to him. You should hate him; seeing those letters full of flowery words and proclamations of love should anger you. And they do, they do anger you, but that doesn’t stop you from reading them. You’re not sure what you’re searching for in them. Closure? Proof of his lies? Or, excuses? 

Beomgyu has no interest in the letters. It’s his way of telling you that you need to grow a spine. You suppose it’s about time that you do just that. 

“Here.” You push them off into his hands. “You’ll do it, then?” 

The corners of his lips turn up. “Maybe...” 

You hiss and reach for your letters, but he tugs them toward himself and holds them safe out of your reach. 

“Give those back, you prick,” you say. “You don’t get them for free. It’s called a deal. You said you’d help me.” 

With his eyes dancing with wild mischievous intent, he pretends to think. “Did I?” 

You land a smack on his upper arm, groaning when it only sends his face more viciously taunting. That playing glint in his eyes is welcomed, though. At least you know he’s only playing. Otherwise, you might be more worried that he is genuinely screwing you over. “Stop playing tricks,” you say, furled out from gritted teeth. “You know you did. This is what got you here in the first place, idiot. I’m being serious.” 

His lip curls, and he relents. “Do not remind me.” 

“Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time?” you say, sending eyes with dagger points his way. “C’mon. Magic.” 

Looking kicked, he grabs your hand. It sends you back to the day you’d gotten that awful geas and the way Cricket had done the same thing. You’re going to fix that mistake. 

“I was just having my fun. I suffer a terrible drought of it here.” 

Your skin tickles, and you know he’s working on it. Heart doing nervous laps, you say, “Well, look whose roof we live under. It’s no wonder.” 

He likes that, wicked delight crackling over his features in just the same way his magic crackles through your veins. It’s a far cry from the last time you’d felt a sensation like this. It feels as though a beast of the wild is crashing through your bones like they’re hollow. It’s untamed, but you know just by the thrumming of it that his magic is much more refined and ancient than the geas’. Its claws brush up against your very core.  

You try and blink away the daze, deciding to distract yourself away from it with speech. “You know, I was thinking.” 

He raises his eyebrows, listening. His magic doesn’t falter as he offers you his attention; no need for his concentration. Not when he’s had centuries to become intimately familiar with it.  

“That maybe Yeonjun is a gancanagh,” you continue.  

A gancanagh—sugar-mouthed faeries with the power to send those around them enamored with them with only as much as their words. They’re better known for their other, and in your opinion more fitting, name: love-talker. You’d been so taken by Yeonjun, so weakened by him. The idea that perhaps it was all to the effect of some magic... You’re not sure whether it consoles you or makes it hurt more. Then again, it could also just be you trying to justify the mistakes you’d made. Your mind bends and twists around the thought, maybe the magic. Or, maybe, frustration. 

“A gancanagh,” he says. Beomgyu considers the notion for a moment, but still works his magic through you. “I’m not sure.” 

Not sure? You press the issue. “How are you not sure whether or not the prince is a gancanagh? I know you stay in your forest, but I imagine that you’d know that.” 

“Hmm.” He turns your arm as if trying for a new angle. “I believe that the prince’s mother is one of the sorrier kinds that the High King takes. He has his Ladies, and he has his courtesans. It seems that he was not so proud of her, since her name never reached my lands.” 

A bout of nausea rolls over your skull. His magic is so potent. The tidbit of information is enough to have you perking up despite it. “You think that his mother is a courtesan?” 

“Well, I know she is not a favored Lady. I know nothing of her. She could be gancanagh, or she could be any other thing.” He shoots you a pointed look. “I’m curious as to why you ask.” 

Skin clammy, you wipe at your cheek. “How long does this take?” you ask. 

“As long as I make it take,” he says, tilting his head off to one side. “Why are you worried of the prince’s heritage?” 

You know he’s fishing answers out of you. Shrugging, you tell him, “It was a genuine thought.” 

Nausea and buzzing subside as he releases your arm. “The King has many children. Only some were really considered for their father’s throne, though. I know that the young prince was never one of them. I suggest thinking on that.” 

You blow out a shuddering breath, controlled and small, to compose yourself under the weight of this new magic. “That’s it?” you ask, brushing some hair away from your face. “What did you do?” 

“Mostly, blocked.” 

“Elaborate,” you say, running fingers over your skin as if you might feel the magic there. 

Taken with amusement, he answers, “If the one who placed the geas there tries and play that card, they’ll find the pathways blocked.” He slumps back onto your bed. “It does not mean that the original magic is gone. It is still very much there. Just... hindered.” 

Your head swims. It’s not gone, but this... You know that your sleep will come to you easier now. Maybe it’s not foolproof, but this is much better. Much. 

“No more deals,” he tells you. “You’ve only got so much of yourself. Each time you fill yourself up with our magic, you lose that space. You will never be whole again, but you ought to savor what you’ve got left. You can only make the best of it.” His mud brown eyes are not joking, now. 

Blinking, you fumble out a nod. 

You’ll never be whole again. You hope that’s more a clever wording than the truth, but with the chill that grips your belly and brushes over the overfilled parts of you, you fear you can’t help but believe it. 

❆

You hate it. 

Drowning in it—you hate it. You hate the scarlet red of it, you hate the sticky spray of it on your skin, hate the cries of agony that follow its ceremony, and the feel of its blazing warmth fresh from the body. You’re choking. Swimming up with thrashing arms, it’s so thick that you make no way.  

The liquidity turns to sturdy arms. They cage you, grab your heart and twist, point daggers at your chest and they whisper words in your ears that you don’t want to remember. Your place is in the dirt, they say. You are nothing. A boot in your neck chokes you. You want to scream and cry that you are good, that you didn’t want to hurt them, that you’ll just mind your place if they take their boot off from your neck, but you can’t. You have no voice. 

The metallic tang of the blood follows you, even as you find yourself standing in Court. It stains the muddy floor a wretched color. A thousand eyes blaze on your skin.

You feel them looking at you. You want them to stop, but they laugh and laugh. Yeonjun joins them, looking up at you with vile mock.

“You think I’d beg for you?” he sneers. His sweet voice is warped and twisted into something ugly and mean that grates at your ears and heart. His laugh echoes, and then you’re looking up at him as he hovers over you. “You don’t deserve my begging. I hate you.”

Metal burns your nose, and when you look between the two of you, he’s bleeding from the stomach—from the dagger you’d plunged there. He looks up at you, livid eyes piercing you. “Look. Look what you did. You killed me.”

You shake your head frantically, going to hold his face. You try to tell him no, no you didn’t—you didn’t kill him, but still—

Shooting up, you grasp for breaths and clutch at the bedding. Heart thudding in your chest, you find Taehyun stood in your doorway, looking dragged from sleep. 

You adjust your sleep gown, disheveled with sleep and ridden up your thighs. Still piecing together consciousness, you croak out a, “Huh?” 

There, tickling at the back of your mind, you still smell blood. 

“I thought something was wrong,” he says, taking in the room with a thorough sweep. “You sounded...” Taehyun starts, but does not finish. “Since you’re doing fine, I’ll leave you to sleep.” 

“Stay?” you blurt, before he can turn and leave you here. Your voice comes out thinner and more fragile than you’d meant it to.  

Brows shooting up, Taehyun is hesitant to step into the room. “It’s probably hours before sunrise,” he says. “You don’t want to fall back asleep?” 

You shake your head. No, you don’t. If you do, then you’ll be back to drowning. You might not even be able to fall asleep at this point. The taste lingers. You’re still panting a little when you say, “I don’t want to bother you, but... Please.” 

Taehyun relents apprehensively, stopping just before the end of your bed. Moonlight blooms over his face from the window. It makes a show of his sharp cheek and jaw lines and emphasizes the feathering of his jaw around a hard swallow. “You were having a bad dream,” he says, an observation rather than a question. “About what?” 

Him standing over you like that; it doesn’t feel so easy to tell him that you’re haunted by what you’ve done. You wince at him and send a gesture up. “You don’t have to stand there. You can sit here.” You pat at the opposite end of your bed. 

He flexes one hand, a rare anxious gesture from him. “I wouldn’t just invite myself into a lady’s bed.” 

Well, he didn’t have to put it like that. 

You say, “I’m inviting you to sit down next to me, Taehyun...” 

It’s a few moments before he does, bed dipping beneath him. Like this, it feels much less like an interrogation. Insects buzz outside, singing their song to the stars and mercifully filling up the moment that you take to pluck up composure. He watches you, but doesn’t say anything. He waits. 

Catching a few strands of your scattered thoughts, you say, “Do you get nightmares sometimes? About the people you’ve killed?” It’s blunt and not much, but it’s all you have in you. It’s a thought that has served as a thorn in your side for quite a while now, too. Is it only you who’s had a prison made of their own mind? 

 Will it ever go away? 

Resolutely, he shakes his head. “No. I don’t.” 

“Oh.” You hold yourself a little harder, as if the chill that passes over you is a draft from the window and not bitter dread. “How? How can you not be bothered by it? They’re dead, and they’ll never be coming back. They had as many thoughts and wants as we did. They had mothers that might weep to know they’re gone. I can’t... I don’t stop thinking of them.” 

“It’s a bit too late for me to start feeling sorry for it,” Taehyun says. “You can’t let it rule you. Not everybody is good, and they were not. If they try to hurt you, you hurt them first. If they lay their hands on you, you cut them off.” 

You grow tense as he explains, eyes so heavy that you can practically feel the dark hollows beneath them. “Not even when you hurt someone for the first time? It didn’t bother you then?” 

He eyes you. The pine smell of him so close to you is both familiar and a distant memory. “I saw blood too early for it to ever haunt me.” 

Turning finally, you find his eyes. “I feel so guilty.” Your body buzzes with the need to curl into him, to have him comfort you for it, but you know that he won’t receive it the way you want him to. The way Yeonjun had.  

But you need it. You need it so bad right now. 

“That won’t absolve it. Guilt will not raise them from the dead,” he says. It’s forthright, but he doesn’t mean it to disconcert you. “You’re tearing yourself up inside, but there’s justice in protecting yourself.” 

Swallowing around tension, you nod. He’s right; you had every right to kill those times. You’ve known that the whole time. So, why does it still visit you in the deep hours of the night? You chant his words in your head, as if to beat them into your skull. If you try hard enough, you will. 

“What happens?” he asks, when the both of you have been quiet for too long. It’s strange to see him making attempts to fill silence. “In the dreams, what happens?” 

Shifting into a cozier position, you lean into the headboard by your shoulder. Some of the adrenaline has worked itself away, but remembering it is still bitter.  

You don’t miss the flickering of his eyes over the expanse of your thigh. You might’ve explained it away as a quick glance if that... look had not passed over his face. Restraint—darting eyes and his throat bobbing. It seems that his concern about being in your bed was about more than just propriety. 

“Mostly, blood.” You make a distraction out of the hemming of your blanket, pinching and picking at it. “So much of it. Sometimes the dreams are different, but... it’s always the common theme.” 

Acknowledging that, he dips his head in a slow, shallow nod. “We’ll start training you on the bow, then.” 

“The bow?” you ask.

“I think that the long range will be better for you,” Taehyun elaborates.

You drink his face in once more. In it, you see him reaching out a hand—it’s shaky and awkward and untrained. But under all that, you see that he’s trying. In the silver moonlight, the bow does not look so bad.

Taehyun doesn’t leave you until dawn cracks through the windows.

❆

You wish that you had your gloves. It’s freezing today—wind whipping your hair and teeth chattering even through your extensive layering. You have, like, two pairs of woolen stockings on. But Taehyun said that you’ll need to be able to grip the bowstring good, and so you abandoned them when you’d dragged all this on. 

He’d made good on his word. Now, you’re out in some shallow neck of the woods, and he’s pointing out the trees that you’re supposed to be using for targets. They’re obscured in the onslaught of snowy haze. You want to gripe that he’d picked the worst day to drag you out here, but really, you know it was a fully intentional choice. 

“No bullseye for now, just try and hit them wherever you can manage.” Taehyun makes a gesture up at the array of trees. “Don’t forget that the wind is blowing west. You’ll have to adjust for that.” 

He watches you take up an arrow, quiet as you clumsily wiggle it around until it sits in a spot that feels relatively correct. 

“Higher,” he finally says. “Find the rest for the arrow, and then you’ll find the nocking point on the string.” 

You fumble with the placement some more, freezing fingers not as agile as they could be. Just as he said, the arrow falls into a place where it sits comfortably. “This?” 

He hums, voice closer. “That’s good. Now, you lift it just like that. Don’t lose that hold, and pinch the back of the arrow, behind the feathers, with your knuckles.” 

Raising the bow, you’re so concentrated on keeping the arrow in place that it shocks you how hard it is to pull the bowstring. The further back you pull it, the more force it demands from you. You only manage to bring it halfway before you stop. “Woah.” 

Wind stops brushing your cheeks and hair so hard, and Taehyun’s voice comes from right beside you this time. “Harder than you thought it’d be, huh?” he says, smirk in his voice matching the one you find on his mouth when you turn to look at him. “It’s going to be hard for a while. You’ve got to build up the muscle for it. For now, you just have to power through it.” 

You try again, finding the spot where your muscles protest and then going beyond it. Your arms tremble, some spot in the middle of your chest aching with it. You sift through the trees, rushing to find one to release the arrow on before you can no longer maintain the hold. 

“Stand straighter.” He reaches over to adjust your arm, pulling the string-wielding one even further back and forcing your chest further open. Your arms burn. You’re not sure how much longer you can hold like this. 

“Hurry,” you say. 

“Go ahead.” 

Deciding on the nearest tree, you let the string go from between aching fingertips. It misses and passes the tree to land somewhere in the foliage behind it, but not as awfully as you’d expected. Hissing, you shake out your arms and stretch your shoulders to try and kill the burn, but it lingers. “You made that look a lot easier than it really is,” you tell him. 

“My first shot looked a lot like that,” he says, leaned back into a tree. “That was a great first try. I should’ve had you on the bow earlier.” He motions to the bow. “Show me another one.” 

Arms still ringing, you sloppily repeat. None of the arrows meet their mark, and you get worse with each. You’d done so well with the first one, though. Frustration sparks in your chest, catching into a flame when this one misses as well. The cramping in your shoulders and the gnawing of frost at your fingers do not help your temper. “Guess that was beginner’s luck,” you say, jaw tense. “I can’t shoot for shit, now.” 

Pushing himself off the tree, Taehyun approaches you once more and says, “It helps if you breathe out before letting the arrow go, but it’s mostly that your arms are tired. Today isn’t about aim, it’s about repetition.” Now in front of you, his eyes dart down to your mouth, but it’s a split-second look. You’d have missed it with a blink. You want to ask him why he keeps looking at you like that—like how he had in your bed that one night. You don’t want to make the air awkward, though.  

To be more honest with yourself, you’re afraid to ask. You’re afraid what the answer might be; you have don’t even have the foggiest clue. “Maybe we should go back. I’ll just stick with what I know.” 

“So, you’ll just give it up when it gets hard?” he says, a little ticked off. A muscle in his jaw feathers.  

You wonder what he’s thinking, beyond just what he’s saying. What he feels beyond what he’ll let you see. The reason that Taehyun dropped the spy life the moment you’d told him you’d stay here with Yeonjun is still just as elusive to you. You’re no fool—you’d seen the look that passed over his face when you had. It had brought a chill down your spine, something hollow but also desperate. Taehyun does not seem like the type taken to puppy love. He does not seem like the type to follow whims, either. So, what is this? You’re unsure what to make of it, and what to make of him.

You two had been snapping teeth and blazing arguments, but what lays beneath that? Why does the impenetrable man let you get under his skin the way he does? 

“Yes,” you say, just to ruffle some feathers. “I’ll just keep working on swordplay.” 

He catches the bait. “Then, what are we out here for? I thought close combat was bothering you.” Flakes of fluffy snow sit on his hair, white petals against black. “And, it doesn’t hurt to diversify your skillset. Not with a war looming.” 

Frustration gives way to softness. Taehyun doesn’t have to be out here. He has no obligations to help you with your ridiculous, pitiful dreams. You’re thankful for it, no matter how rugged he comes across while doing it. “I’m just messing with you. You make it too easy,” you say, offering him a smile. Beneath it, you’re left reeling with the reminder about the war. In your choosing to omit it from your thoughts, you’d just about forgotten about it. Anxiety comes crashing back through the crumbling dam. By now, the King has absolutely realized that Yeonjun is not coming back. Does he think that the north has hurt him or holds him hostage? He might start the war himself, then. A thought dawns upon you. That might’ve been the intention all along—to have him start things, to remain faultless. Taehyun had said that the Queen is a scheming sovereign. 

“War,” you say, licking over chapped lips. “Do you think it’ll really happen? That it’ll come to battles?” You can’t help worrying. You’ve chosen your side in staying here. What if that was the wrong choice? What if your betrayal comes around to bite you? Or, what if the north’s reputation for brutality ends up doing the job before it ever can? You feel surrounded by death—surrounded by walls of violence, where too far in one direction would be your end. “It’s not as if I’ll be fighting, though.” 

Face solemn, he says, “Let’s start heading back.” 

That draws no complaints from you, tucking fingers under your arms to try and save them. He hadn’t answered your question, though. “Taehyun?” 

Brittle leaves and brush crunch underfoot. “It’s coming.” 

Narrowing your eyes at him, tensed in the shoulders, you ask, “Why are you acting like that? Are you hiding something from me?” 

The both of you pause to let a dryad scurry off, snow falling off its bark skin in chunks as it crashes through the forest and away from you. These woods are a lot fuller than the ones you’d found Beomgyu in. 

“Taehyun,” you repeat. Your stomach is sick. Skin burning, you get flashes of memories—of Yeonjun’s guilty eyes that night. It rushes through your bloodstream like icy water. This feels like an overreaction, but your body does not align with your stuttering heart. You can’t tamp it down. “What is it? I don’t like secrets.” Your voice comes out fragile, like it’ll break in the frigid air like ice and fall down to the ground in a crash. 

His face is hard. You don’t like that, either. 

“You’re not going to be fighting, but I know what is planned. It’s messy; messy and dirty. And dirty wars are not afraid of collateral damage.” 

Frowning, you ask, “How do you know what’s planned?” 

“It’s a general’s job to know the war he leads his army into.” 

You stop dead. “Are you serious?” you snap, voice on a tight leash. “Seriously, Taehyun?” He keeps walking, forcing you to tear your feet from their spot to follow him. Jogging to match his stride, you say, “So, you’re just going to take up his will? You’re going to lead a war, like him? What about me, Taehyun? What happens to me?”  

It seems that he’s fully taken over his role as heir to his father and his estate, but why? Why, if he sheared off his own ears to escape that legacy? Taehyun’s moral code has exceptions for violence, but he said it himself—he doesn’t like senseless killing. Not like what would come with taking on this role.  

“Being general secures me a seat while they discuss their plans. It means I have sway in what happens. This is not for my enjoyment, or for power, like how my father saw it,” he says, measured and steady. “You’ve not seen a Faerie war. They’re given to dramatics, and they span... they span long. If something is going to happen, it’s better off that I’m in the room that they discuss it. Otherwise, we’re just sitting here and crossing out fingers that we don’t get caught in the crossfire.” Head held high, he adds, “This is my duty.” 

Anxiety warms your frozen bones. “Duty?” you say through a caustic laugh. “You’ll be going to war, Taehyun.” 

“Not petty battles. If something more drastic happens, I suppose I would, but being a foot soldier is not my role in this. Maybe my father would’ve, just to see the blood and carnage, but not me,” he says, as if that makes it any better. 

“I don’t like this.” 

“They know we were here as spies. They could decide at any moment to kill us. As general, my position would protect us.” He levels you a stare, hard. “You decided to stay here for him, so this is what I have to do.” 

A terrible sickness settles in your stomach with his words. These are the consequences to your actions, for your overenthusiasm, but you feel more like a burden than sorry for yourself.  

You want to tell him to stop paying the prices; that it’s not his job, but a chilly breeze sings in your ears that it’s much too late for that.  

  ❆

Biting back complaints and the prickling of tears, you let Conifer work on your hair. She’s merciless with the tugs and pins, fingers threading through strands to tug them up into the frilly and loose updo.  

“Why do I need to be dressed?” you ask her, watching her work dutifully behind you through the mirror. 

“My Lady,” she says around a pin she holds in between her lips. “One moment.” 

“You don’t have to call me Lady, or anything,” you tell her, wincing at the sound of it. “I’m no more a Lady than you.” She’d come into your room, nervously plucking at the pine needles on her forearms as she informed you that she needed to get you prettied up. It’s random, but you’d perked up immediately. It’s been so long since you’ve done anything—so long since you had a reason to look pretty and drag on glittering dresses. Not doing the work yourself is strange, though. You wonder if this is what your life would’ve been with Yeonjun, with servants waiting at every corner to pamper you and make sure that your hands never again see any type of hard work.  

You shake those thoughts away. That’s not your life here in Taehyun’s estate. It does you no use comparing. You’re not so used to this, anyway. It gets under your skin a bit, though you know they’re working off debts in his service.  

“Oh, the Lord would prefer that I do,” she says. A sharp pin scrapes up against your scalp as she pushes it in, securing up a willowy tress. All Yeonjun’s gifts—the dress she’d laid out for you, and the jewels she garnishes you in. How strange is it to have Taehyun’s servants dressing you in Yeonjun’s things? You still don’t know why he even bothered with bringing them in. You all were managing before. It's not as if any of you are the type to demand being waited on, anyway. You all have lived in more humble means. Beomgyu literally comes from the forest. And, why would it even matter how she addresses you to Taehyun? 

It wouldn’t be fair of you to demand her to call you otherwise, then. You nod. “I’m sorry you have to work for me.” 

“Oh, it’s no bother, dear. I’m grateful that the Lord has chosen such a way for me to pay him for my debt.” She tugs a few tendrils loose. It looks now more like the style is worn in by a good night spent dancing and laughing than freshly combed up. “There are worse ways to do so.” 

That’s right. For her, servitude is only a result of some extrenuating circumstance. Your servitude was nowhere near your fault. That’s where the difference lies; why she can be so blithe about it. 

“What happened?” you ask. It’s an invasive question, sure, but you prefer to ask it straight. No buttering it up or smoothing over words. 

“The late General spared my life on a whim. I’d worked this estate for years, even watched the boy grow into his manhood, until the General passed and the young Lord went disappearing. No reason to work an empty estate. And now, by bloodline, my debt is owed to him.” 

You frown. Serving under Taehyun’s father, only because he decided out of the kindness of his heart to not murder you, sounds harrowing.  

“But, that’s of no importance, dear. The Lord is expecting you; the Queen holds council soon.” Hastily, Conifer slides one last pin in, just for safe measure. “It’s terribly important that you maintain good manners, dear. Stay by the Lord, and do not speak unless they speak to you.” 

Council? He’s expecting you to come with him to a war council? You pause, but she ushers you up and away. 

Bounding down the stairs in a flurry of feet, you hold your skirts in a death grip, heart clenching with nerves. Once, you’d been a mirror to this—panicking over attending Court for the first time. That was nothing. If you had been oblivious to Court propriety, sitting in on a Faerie council in the presence of the Queen and her entourage... You’re screwed. So, so screwed. 

Taehyun waits beside the blackthorn tree. Noticing you, he greets, “Ready?” 

“You’re serious about this?” you say. It’s hard to speak around the lump in your throat. “Why do I have to come? It seems more like a risk than anything.” 

Brows furrowed, he adjusts his tunic. “You’re smart, aren’t you?” he says, cadence flat and matter-of-fact. “It’s not a risk. I’m bringing you so that they know you’re with me. You won’t have to come to any more after this, unless it’s what you want.” 

Frowning, you say, “I feel as though they’ll react not so kindly to a human just... waltzing into a war council. You really think they’ll just let me come and sit in?” The Queen will be there, and all the terrifyingly massive players in the Unseelie Court, and then... You. You’ll just have to make yourself seem important enough to be there. Taehyun is one of those invaluable players now, you suppose. The General. Your mind still struggles to wrap itself around the enormity of that.  

Will Yeonjun be there? He’s no doubt got the status. You pick at your fingers viciously. You’re not ready to see him again; not sure if you’ve fortified your walls enough for that yet. You might crumple with just a glance, but to sit in the same room as him? 

“They’ll trust my judgement,” he says. The lines of his face do not carry the same confidence that his voice does. “You’re not just stumbling in. You’re walking in with me.” 

“But, I’m sure they’re all very aware by now that we were spies. Doesn’t that leave a stain on your word?” 

He reaches up to a low-hanging branch, dark and bristling with thorns, and snaps off the very ends of them into thin poles of twig armed with spikes. The thistles remind you of his eyes—in fact, the whole tree does. Barbed and dark and sturdy; the House of Blackthorn could not have better chosen their symbol.  

“They made me their general,” he says, circling until he’s come behind you. “They’ve already made up their minds.” 

Tugging at your hair tells you that he’s wiggling those sticks, black and sharp, into the updo, as if they’re accessories. It’s like what he’d done with those berries just before you’d gone to Court for the first time, but these twigs do not act like a ward like they had.  

You turn to interrogate him and his sudden interest in your hairstyle, but confusion splinters off into nothing when his cold hand brushes at the back of your neck. In a heart-pounding moment, his sword-roughened fingers drag down the length of your jaw from behind. He grabs your chin his hand and turns your face further toward your shoulder. Snowflakes and the breeze and the stars all stand frozen around you. Or, maybe, you haven’t got the will to pretend they exist while he’s leaning down so that he’s right in your ear and whispering with puffed breaths that raise chills on your skin. 

Under his breath, low and just for your ears, he says just one word. It’s one that you don’t recognize, curling in a way that you doubt your tongue would be able to even pronounce. As quickly as the moment had come, he releases your face. Snow crunches under his feet as he retreats. 

Blinking for a moment, you spin on your heel to follow him. You make a point to not catch his stride fully, though. He absolutely should not see how ruffled you are. “What does that mean?” 

He doesn’t answer, only leaving you in a flustered, charged silence. You beg the wintry breeze to carry away your racing thoughts, or at least to lick at your cheeks and cool them. Whatever it was that he’d said, you can only assume it to be in an ancient Faerie tongue. 

With a stuttering heart, you follow him. You’ll just have to whistle in the dark. If you don’t do it scared, you won’t do it at all, and you’re always scared. 

❆

Inside the council room, a handful of who you assume to be the Queen’s most important advisors sit around a circle table. On that table stand war maps and a collection of letters and objects no doubt important to plans and intel. 

In one of those seats sits Yeonjun. Of course, he’s here. You’d anticipated as much, but that doesn’t change the way you jump right out of your skin the split second your eyes meet. It’s a fiery exchange, sending sparks up your spin and rendering your mind a blistering mess. His eyes are hard. He doesn’t shy away from it the way you do, tearing yourself away to sit in the seat next to Taehyun’s.  

It’s not just Yeonjun’s eyes that burn on your skin. They’re wondering why you’re here. You itch to dip out and away from their scrutiny. 

“Do I have to say anything?” you say, voice barely anything but a whisper as you lean over to Taehyun. “Like, announce myself or anything?” 

“Not now,” he says. “Not unless you’re asked to.” 

Fidgeting with your dress under the table, you dip your head in a shallow, quick nod. You’ll just mind your own, unless you’re forced to do otherwise. You can’t risk saying something that’ll end up screwing you both over. 

Chairs scrape the floor, faeries standing and dipping at the waist. You follow them. Your back is to the door, but you don’t need to see to know who’s arrived. The Queen. 

She sits in her seat, at the head of the table, and everybody else follows. You swallow hard. Her eyes, hardened and storm-colored, pin each of the attendees as she sweeps the room. A diadem of twigs and rotted leaf lays on her tangle of hair. The Unseelie Queen; she looks the part. Breath catches in your throat when her eyes come to you. 

When she opens her mouth to speak, jagged teeth reveal themselves from behind grey lips. “The human girl. Does the Blackthorn house claim her?” she asks. Her voice commands the air—both slackened and imposing. 

Yeonjun’s eyes bare down on you.  

Taehyun answers her. “Yes. She is my retinue.” 

One of the council members, with a haughty, long face and a sneer to match it, says, “Is this the girl that you sang so profusely to us for, prince? The spy girl?” His ruffled sleeves flourish as he gestures. He’s dressed especially plummy among them, but they all are dressed in glittering robes and tunics. This faerie no doubt thinks highly of himself, though, to be poking at Yeonjun.  

Yeonjun had spoken of you here?  

You feel a little frozen. Becoming the center of their attention is the very last thing you’d wanted. Rather than sinking back into your seat, you claw at your insides to keep your head held high. You do exchange a quick glance with Taehyun, who’s mouth is pulled taut.  

He takes it in stride. “Yes, it is.” 

“You beseeched us for her safety, but...” the black-haired faerie continues, “She’s sat beside our General.” A cruel smile plays on his lips. He knows exactly what he’s doing. “And I believe it to be unprecedented that a human joins us here, your highness.” He turns to the Queen, a smile that tells exactly of the game he’s playing. 

“Not here,” the Queen snaps. “We haven’t the time for this. Who cares. Let’s not waste what slight time we have, with all of us in attendance.” 

The black-haired faerie snaps his mouth shut, but a nasty attitude lingers. 

Another speaks up. “Your majesty, is there not something to be said of the exclusivity pertaining to who we meet here with?” 

She drums her fingers on the arm of her seat. Bored. “Be gone with it. I did not know you’d become so wary of humans.” 

That stings. You’re not even worthy of being a threat. Jaw tightened, you grit your teeth. 

“She has ears,” he says. “And a well-working mouth, I’m sure, and we have delicate issues to discuss.” 

None of them press any further as she sends them a pointed stare. They begin offering up and discussing their positions and knowledge, much of it lost on you. All you’re thankful for is that most of it is bickering over how to approach the war, and not plans for full-fledged schemes.  

Taehyun offers up his approach a few times, his voice carrying strong and his shoulders squared. Yeonjun does not speak much at all.  

And when it’s over and everybody disassembles, you know you’ve got to leave. Fast; fast enough that Yeonjun will not be able to corner you into a conversation that you are too flimsy to be having. As you do, though, you war against every instinct in your body—heart and feet and arms ringing pleas in your bones. You can’t. Really, you can’t. 

“Pretty.”  

That voice, smooth but also so very sullen now, shatters your frenzied bubble. You go solid and frozen to the ground. 

“Pretty, look at me,” he grits out, voice cracked down and raw.  

When you don’t, he steps around you. His eyes dart up, taking in something on your head, and then his jaw ticks when he finds something he doesn’t like. The blackthorn twigs in your hair. 

He’d looked sullen and detached when sitting at the table, but here, up close, he looks awful—far and beyond worse than you’ve ever seen him. It’s as if you’d ripped the heart right out of his chest and asked him to go on living without it. In the hollowness there’s a sadness, but there’s also a blazing anger. 

A frozen hand takes your upper arm and tugs hard. “Come on. We’re leaving.” Taehyun’s voice is hard. 

You stumble forward with him, summoning the will within you to not look back while you do. You do not want to watch his face as you leave. You absolutely cannot. Your gut twists viciously.  

You’re pathetic, missing him the way you do. 

❆

When you get the first letter, you accept it from the servant uneasily. You don’t even ask whose letter it is. The wax seal tells you enough, but you’d know even without it. Yeonjun has broken his silence. 

It confuses you. Taehyun had intercepted his letters when he sent them before. Why does he not bother, now? It doesn’t feel like a kindness. It feels intentional—like a gambit. Beomgyu had made a point to take those original letters from you. You know he meant well in the cheeky way that he shows his companionship, but you’re spineless after all, and they come at a very weak moment. Just as you’ve built up wavering pillars, he reaches in and crumbles them down as if they were nothing.  

ℐ 𝑘𝓃𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝓊 𝑡𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑘 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝑡’𝓈 𝑙𝒾𝑒𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝑡 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝑟𝓉 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓁. 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝒾𝑛𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝑡 𝓅𝒶𝑟𝓉 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝑙. 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝓇𝑦 𝒷𝒾𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝑙. 𝐹𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝓇𝑦 𝓂𝑜𝓂𝑒𝑛𝓉 ℐ 𝑙𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝑡𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝒹. 𝒩𝑜 𝑙𝒶𝓉𝑒𝑟 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉. 𝒲𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝒹; 𝒲𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝑣𝑒𝒹 𝑡𝑟𝓊𝑒.  

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑦 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉𝒾𝑛𝑔 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑦 𝒸𝒾𝓇𝒸𝓊𝓂𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑡𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝑙𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 ℐ’𝒹 𝒽𝓊𝑟𝓉 𝑦𝑜𝓊. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝓌 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉’𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝑟𝓊𝑒. 𝒟𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝑘𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝑟𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝑙𝒾𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓈𝑜.  

𝒴𝑜𝓊𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓊𝑛𝓉 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝑡𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝑦 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝑙𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝑛, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑦𝑒𝓉 ℐ 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉.  

𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝑛𝒹 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝓊𝑟 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓈𝑡 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝑣𝑒 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝑡 𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓎 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉; 𝐼 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑙𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒹𝑟𝑜𝓅 𝑜𝑓 𝒾𝓉. 𝒯𝑒𝓁𝑙 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝑓𝒾𝓍 𝑡𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝑛𝒹 ℐ’𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝑣𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝑒, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝒶𝓈𝑘 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑛𝑜𝓉 𝒹𝑜 𝑡𝒽𝒶𝓉.  

𝒴𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒿𝓊𝑛 

You’re able to let this one roll off your shoulders, but the next few are not so easy. 

𝐼 𝑤𝒾𝑠𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ℎ𝑎𝒹 𝑠𝓉𝒶𝓎𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑙𝒾𝓈𝑡𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒. 𝐼 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝑟𝓈𝑡𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑤𝒽𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃’𝑡, 𝑎𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑒𝑡, 𝐼 𝑠𝓉𝒾𝓁𝑙 𝑤𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ℎ𝒶𝒹. ℐ’𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝒾𝑠𝑡𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊.  

𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 ℐ 𝑝𝓁𝒶𝑔𝓊𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝓊𝑟 𝑚𝒾𝓃𝒹. 𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝑓𝒶𝒸𝑒 𝑤𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝓈 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑡, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℐ 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝑡 𝑏𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝓊 𝑏𝒶𝒸𝑘 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒, 𝑡𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝑟 ℎ𝑜𝓂𝑒: 𝑚𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓂𝑠. 𝒲𝒾𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒, 𝓃𝑜𝓉 ℎ𝒾𝑚. 𝒩𝑜𝓉 ℎ𝒾𝑚.  

𝒫𝑒𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝑙 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝑡 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑒𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝑏𝓊𝑡 𝐼 𝑤𝒾𝓁𝑙 𝓃𝑜𝓉. 𝒯ℎ𝒾𝓈 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝑡𝒽 𝓊𝓃𝑓𝒾𝓃𝒾𝑠𝒽𝑒𝒹 𝑤𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑔𝑟𝒾𝑒𝑣𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒𝑠.    

𝑁𝑜. 𝒯ℎ𝒾𝓈 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝑠𝓃’𝑡 𝑒𝓃𝒹.   

𝒴𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒿𝓊𝓃 

The letters change with your prolonged silence, too. 

𝒮𝑒𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑟𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝑏𝓎 ℎ𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒, 𝒶𝓈 𝒾𝑓 𝓎𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓈… 𝒟𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑤𝒶𝑛𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝒸𝑟𝒶𝓏𝓎? 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 ℐ’𝓋𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝓉 𝓈𝑜 𝑜𝑢𝓉 𝑜𝑓 𝓂𝓎 𝑜𝓌𝑛 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝒹𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑤. 𝐼𝑓 𝓉ℎ𝒶𝓉 𝑤𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝒾𝑛𝑡𝑒𝓃𝑡𝒾𝑜𝑛, 𝓎𝑜𝓊 ℎ𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝑢𝓇 𝓂𝒶𝑟𝑘 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙. 

𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑛𝑢𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝒾𝓈 𝑏𝒶𝑛𝒾𝓈ℎ𝓂𝑒𝑛𝓉 𝒾𝑓 𝓎𝑜𝑢 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉, 𝑏𝓊𝓉 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝑔𝑒𝓉ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝑛. 𝐼𝑡'𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝑙𝓎 𝑓𝒶𝓉𝑒, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌ℎ𝑜 𝒶𝓂 𝐼 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒𝒹𝒹𝓁𝑒 𝑤𝒾𝑡ℎ 𝑓𝒶𝑡𝑒?  

𝒴𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒿𝑢𝓃 

It’s jarring, it’s more of that desperate pleading that you’ve been trying so hard to escape, and it’s burrowing deep down into the tender parts of your heart like a stake. 

There are some letters that are even more frenzied than that. They’re testaments to his promises: this doesn’t end. 

You had been sorely mistaken in thinking that Yeonjun would just step away. Terribly mistaken. Deep in your belly brews the feeling that this is not going to go over as smoothly as you hoped it would. In retrospect, how had you ever thought you could cleanly tear him off you? This is not like ripping off a bandage—quick and painful—no, this will be much, much more unpleasant than that. Yeonjun had done a delicate job of veiling just how wretchedly he loves you, but you’d seen peeks of it. Flickers and moments of potent neediness and jealousy, quickly smoothed over with something more groomed and palatable. Now, you see it in full force. As soon as given the need to unveil himself, he was not afraid to. As long as it brings him you. 

But he will not get you. You’re not yet so foolish to go falling back into his arms. Not after you’d done just that, and then learned what trusting him just based off his inability to lie meant. It’s not as if you’re not already slowly wanting to forgive him for the fact that his initial job was to kill you. In weak moments, you construct excuses. But if you brush off lie after lie, where is the limit to the lies you’ll accept, if only just for him? There would be none. That is a dangerous beast to toe.  

You think you know now, why Taehyun lets you read those letters freely.  

  ❆

Lifting your fist to knock on the door, you bounce on your heels. Taehyun tells you to come in, voice muffled behind the door. 

Stepping in, you drink in the sight of his quarters. Not once in the months that you’ve spent here have you been in his room. In the center is the bed, bedding coal black. His desk is cluttered with maps and stray daggers. Taehyun works on the strap to his leather baldric, looking up to you.  

“Where are you going?” you ask him.  

“They called me for council,” Taehyun answers. He straightens up. “What’s up?” 

You purse your lips. “Oh,” you say. “Nothing. I was just seeing what you were up to.” 

Honestly, you’re not entirely sure why you’d stumbled in here. It had just felt right in that moment. It couldn’t hurt to try and mend the tensions that lay between you two, anyway. If this is going to be your home, it’s better off that way. 

Taehyun nods slowly, as if he’s not entirely sure what to say. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. 

A smile tugs at your mouth. Beneath the confident, hardened exterior, Taehyun is stiff in the face of emotional connection. “Didn’t want me to join you for this one?” 

He shakes his head, the lines in his shoulders stiffening as if the thought were offensive. 

Scoffing around a laugh, you say, “I didn’t do that bad, did I?” It’s more to pester him than offense—you’d had your fill. And you want to know what’s changed; why he’s suddenly averse to you joining.  

Jaw shifting, he says, “No, you didn’t.” Taehyun brings his hand up and adjusts his collar. “I’d just prefer it.” 

You change tack. His face has fallen a bit, and you’d intended to lighten things up. “It’s fine. That was boring anyway,” you say, “Besides, I’d prefer it here, with the army of servants waiting to see to my needs.” Tilting your head to one side, you give him a grin chock-full of mock pretension. 

His brow furrows. “The servants? Do you not like it?” 

Shrugging, you answer, “I don’t hate it. It’s nice to have help getting ready, though, I guess. Makes me feel special.” To quell your own gnawing curiosity that’s been festering beginning the moment the first one had arrived, you add, “Why’d you do it, though?” 

His face flickers. “The estate needs to be run. They have duty to do so. If it were going to be anybody, it’s them.” 

You know that look. Living with Taehyun, you’ve got to become fluent in the face and even the most subtle changes. What he doesn’t speak in words, you’re forced to find there. Try as he might to fortify his mask, water will always find and slip through the cracks as slivers of true emotion crack through his face. He’s not telling you the truth. You narrow your eyes. 

“Yeah. I understand that. I just thought we were doing fine before, I guess.” 

“I thought...” he says. “Did the prince not keep servants?” 

Your frown deepens. Why would it matter whether or not Yeonjun has servants? Of course he’d have attendants; he’s a prince of Faerie. Mind churning for a moment, you stumble upon a thought. Or rather, it stumbles upon you. 

Taehyun had brought servants here because he figured that, because of your time with Yeonjun, you’d want that. It bothered him to think that Yeonjun could provide something for you that he couldn’t. He’d gone out and tracked down faeries indebted to him and his father because that got under his skin. You think to that morning he’d woken you up, spitting venom, because Yeonjun had sent you those dresses. And in his arm, he’d held a single crystalline gown. 

“Taehyun, why did you tell Yeonjun about our kiss?” 

For a split second, he’s taken aback, shifting as though you’d lit a fire under his feet. The air hangs heavy—so, so thick. It’s so stiff that you have to breathe with conscious effort. This silence, tense and on the brink of snapping, stretches for an eternity. Your mind reels; you’re just as caught off guard as him. You haven’t the faintest clue where you’d trudged up the nerve, but you had, and now you’re terribly curious to know his answer. The memory had hovered around, blazing and impossible to brush off, from the very moment the words had tumbled out from Yeonjun’s lips. How had you even lasted this long, pretending it hadn’t happened? All off that electric curiosity comes to a head here—now—and you do not know if you’ve prepared well enough for the truth of it. 

As silent as it is, the moment buzzes. It’s deafeningly loud, just as it is deafeningly quiet. His silence answers just as well as words.  

His answer slices the air, cutting through the tension like a scalding knife. “The prince told you that?” 

You step toward him, looking up at him through your lashes. “He did," you say, quick and dismissive. “Why did you tell him? When?” 

A flash—a flash of something untamed and deep like the woods—renders his eyes dark. You remember that look; he’d scarcely let you see it. It had scrawled under your skin the first time he had. Something in it strips you down to your very bones, where you are nothing more than buzzing soul and heat. Taehyun approaches you in dark, languid steps. You’re lightheaded, breaths lodged deep in your chest. Any semblance of clarity you might have had becomes a lost cause as he takes your face in his hands and leaves you no other option than to meet those smoldering eyes. Bitterly cold hands bite into the soft skin of your cheeks. Cold-blooded. 

Your head spins. “Taehyun?” you say, short and breathless. Even just a naked whisper of his name, you struggled to manage it. Him, here, in front of you, is both so real that it rattles you down to you core and so intangible that you wouldn’t dare believe it. And yet, blistering eyes pierce through the mist, and you know that it is sickeningly real.  

“Fuck,” he says, mouth turned down and at war with the rest of his face. He’s so close that you feel the word on your face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” His throat bobs. “I don’t know who this is.” 

In a stumble of clumsy feet, you clash with the desk in a rattle. There’s hardly any perch for you, but in a scramble, you curl your fingers white-knuckled around the edge. He has you pinned between him and the wood with nowhere to breathe and nowhere to think. A controlled, shaky breath comes tumbling from behind your lips. Electricity crackles in the air between you, and you’re weak to it. You turn your head away, clawing for some semblance of control or respite from the bare intensity. 

Despite your shock, somewhere deep, deep down in your belly, you know that this is only the fruit of some howling storm that has been swirling—swirling and churning and gaining power. You’d felt the trembling of it, the promise of something explosive and imminent, as oblivious as you were to its source. Now, the ground cracks open beneath you, and it will accept nothing other than to swallow you whole. 

“Do you not think of me as a man?” he grits out. Since you’ve decided to blatantly avoid his gaze, he gets down right into your neck. “Well, I am. And you brought him here. Brought him into my home, and you let him touch you. ” 

Taehyun had been there that day.  

It’s as if time itself slows down around you. This moment inflates into something infinite. Everything that he’d done, every little thing that you’d struggled to digest, is laid out before you. He’s holding your hips as if you’ll fade around the edges and leave him here. There’s something raw beneath the growled words; something desperate. 

Belly flipping ruthlessly, you speak, but they’re not coherent thoughts. “I... didn’t think that...” 

He’s quick to cut you off, rearing back to look you in the eyes once more, forcing you to do the same. And he holds you there. “Do you think that he can provide for you better than me? That I can’t provide you your needs?” 

Your heart is a ravenous, wild thing in your chest. All that he’d done: the dress, the servants, finding Beomgyu, staying here in the north, demanding that you don’t depend or even associate with Yeonjun, urging you to not attend Court because he knew Yeonjun would be there—was because it was supposed to be him. And it was killing him because finally something had managed to drive right through that suit of ice armor he struggles so hard to keep up, right down to where his real emotions slumber, and he is forced to feel something. In all that banishing emotion away, he’s now faced with this blazing consumption, and he is utterly lost. 

Taehyun curses, a relenting of his will, before he’s taking your lips to his. It’s a ravaging, fervent meeting, clashing teeth and roaming hands with no destination. He lifts you up onto the desk, and then his hand finds the hair at the very back of your head. You remember this wild dance of tongue and mouth—the first time he’d put his mouth on you, it’d been just the same. You’re gasping and clawing at his shoulders.  

What on earth are you doing? 

His hands are all over you. It’s as if he can’t get enough, as if he’s catching up to all that had been bursting at the seams in his mind. His lips taste like finally. When he’s forced to release your lips for air, it’s not as if he gives you any real room to breathe—his lips fall like glowing ashes down the column of your neck. You’re helpless to the whines he takes from your lips. He melds your bodies into one clumsy thing, pushing you down into the desk in a clumsy clatter. He wholly overwhelms you, and you think that it is a conscious effort. He intends to wiggle his way into every little corner, every little space, until you have no room for thought but him. If the drunken haze that’s rendered your thoughts sluggish is anything to speak of his efforts, he’s succeeded. 

You catch yourself halfway down, before your back makes it down onto the desk. His mouth is back on yours, spinning with the sting of your scalp as he guides you through his kiss. His hands reach your upper thigh, making slow work of bunching the fabric. 

“If you knew,” he says, appreciating the bare skin as if it were as precious as jewel and gold the same way he had that night in your bed: as if every inch were just as intimate as a glimpse of your cunt. “If you knew what I think about doing to you.”  

Blood roars beneath your skin. The confession that Taehyun has thought about touching you like this, or the fact that he’s been battling against his own mind in the onslaught of those thoughts, sheds a new light over so much. Beneath that stony face, he’d been needing you.  

Through the licking of your bottom lip and the buzzing behind your skull, you see Yeonjun’s face. Your stomach does a flip. You’re not supposed to feel guilty. You shouldn’t, but guilt slices like a molten dagger through the haze. How can you be here, doing this, when he’s out there aching for you? As far as you distance yourself from his sphere, you’re still reminded of who taught you your body now that another man touches you. You imagine how hurt he’d be if he saw you now. 

You rage against those thoughts. You owe no guilt to the man that had only ever approached you because you were his target. 

Taehyun’s gaze meets yours. You must’ve gone quiet, or maybe still. Perhaps it’s your eyes that gives it away, though, because he does not like what he finds in them. In a blink, he’s retracting back into his shell.  

“You’re thinking of him,” he spits. His voice is so caustic and venomous as it falls out that your skin burns. “Even while I’m touching you.” 

You want nothing more than to reach in and pull that fire and raw emotion back out. He pulls away. Your skin is painfully empty of his touch. Chest aching, you say, “Taehyun, wait. Please. I wasn’t.” The lie rolls off your tongue too easily, but you can’t stand the chill fallen over your form. 

His face is far off and distant, his jaw set tight. He runs a hand through his hair, made a mess with your touch, the action punctuated by a barbed laugh. 

He doesn’t even say anything more to you when he leaves the room. He just leaves. You sit for a few minutes, legs dangling and blood roaring.  

Taehyun has kept a lot beneath a jaded and aloof front, but it seems that even he has a tipping point.  

❆

“That reeks,” Beomgyu says. He’s sat on the basin, legs dangling down. 

The water embraces you in a delightful lukewarm that disarms your nerves and has you drowsy. “Soap?” you say with a subsequent rich snort. You scoot, bathwater lapping at the walls of the tub when you bring your knees to your chest. The round tub is big enough for you to sprawl out, but you prefer sitting right up against the wall. Only the suds and perfumed oils sitting in a thin, hazy film on top of the water protect your decency from Beomgyu’s eyes. With the servants insisting on helping you wash, though, you’ve become indifferent to bathing in front of others. It’s not as if you’ve got to worry about him leering, anyway. He doesn’t blink at your nakedness. You appreciate the company. “It smells clean. You know, so you don’t smell like straight mud.” 

“Mud is not such an offensive smell as that,” he says, nose crinkling. “You lather yourself in smells that are wholly unbelievable.” 

Laughing, you feign sending a spray of water droplets his way. “Well,” you muse, “We are not hewn from the same stone. We have to clean ourselves.” While your worldly body demands that you maintain hygiene with soap and water, the folk wash for leisure. You don’t bemoan it, though. It’s your reality—always will be—and you delight in coming out feeling fresh. “And your earthy... musk... is just as terrible to me as this is to you. So...” 

“Agree to disagree.” He sits still. Beomgyu is always eerily still—you’ve come to the realization that it’s because he doesn’t breathe. No rising or falling of his chest meant he could sit in absolute repose. You’re not entirely used to it, even now. How could anything be a living, talking being, without breath? There he sits, though.  

Echoes of your washing fill the room. You sigh. With each scrub, you imagine carving away both any dirtiness and any heavy thoughts. It doesn’t work, of course. You feel no less heavy. If only it were that easy. 

“Taehyun is general now,” you say, frown tugging at your face. “For the Queen.” Remembering it makes you feel impossibly heavier. It had been a secretive move, but still... He had become the one thing that has haunted him for you. His words yesterday said as much. You buzz at that memory, heart racing at just the memory. It had been a battle pretending your first kiss hadn’t happened, but this was different. Terribly different. 

You blink, trying to bring yourself together when Beomgyu says, huffing out a humorless laugh, “He is only his father’s son.” 

Sighing, you sink lower into the water. The kelpie wouldn’t be himself without some snide remark in Taehyun or his father’s expense. You know why he’d done it, now, but you’re awful and can’t help but consider what him being general might mean. Taehyun has a strict moral code; you don’t think he’ll go around killing in cold blood. Still, in order to retain his standing, he’ll have to carry out the council’s will. It’s a slippery slope; you fear the he’ll become the thing he’d once hated at your expense. With a sickened stomach, you hold your knees closer. You don’t want that. “He said it was to make sure we’re no longer targets. You know, since we came here as spies and all that,” you say, voice softening as thoughts grow louder. 

Agitated, Beomgyu slips off the basin. “Why would he have bothered with finding me, then, if he had already made other plans?” 

Spinning water with a finger and watching it swirl, you say, “I know for a fact it’s why he did it. It’s just that I don’t like it. I mean, getting involved in the war is one thing. We were already involved to some degree, anyway. Becoming the general is a whole other thing.” 

A wicked delight crackles across Beomgyu’s face, and you brace yourself for whatever has excited him so. “If you would deign it with your word... We could be gone from this estate. Anywhere that pleases us, free from the fool.” 

“Of course,” you say, rolling your eyes and watching him pace the floor. “It’s always dramatics with you. We’re not running away. Good try, though.” 

He pauses, grimacing down at you. You suppress a laugh. Maybe you could’ve entertained his grand plan. At least, for a moment. Your fingers have pruned up, but you have no will to drag yourself from the warmth. Let you just stay like this, cocooned in its welcoming arms, for a bit longer. Then, you’ll find it within you to face the memory of Taehyun’s hands and the gravity of what he’d let slip. 

❆

Dust motes flutter when caught in the light. You, with bare feet padding on the chilly morning floors, plow right through them. A clattering, so lively in the still sleep-ridden estate, floats out from the kitchens. You follow it. 

Beomgyu stands, lanky and strange as always, watching a servant work dutifully on a meal. You frown. It’s a bit early for any of your usual meals. 

“Hanging around in the kitchen? Thought you didn’t eat,” you say.  

He gives you a distracted grumble. “I can eat. I just don’t need to.” 

An eye roll slips. “That’s even worse. You asked for a meal to be made for you, just so that you can taste it,” you say, hand on your hip. “Very inconsiderate.” 

Disconcertment lines his face at that, looking back over at the servant. “I did not ask for a meal.” 

“Yeah... Okay. Anyway, do you know where Taehyun has gone? Out?” 

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No, I don’t believe he’s gone anywhere,” he says, eyeing you. “You’re searching for the Lord?” 

“I mean, I was just wondering where he is. I didn’t see him around, or anything.” 

“Oh, pull your stake from my heart,” he grumbles and scratches at his neck. “I fear you’ve abandoned me in my loathing, with who else am I to escape this place? ” he says.  

“There you go again,” you say, relenting to conversation. Conversation with Beomgyu makes you feel lighter. “If we ran away, we’d make it like... a week.” 

He cocks his head to the side. “You’d last a week. I’d be just fine.” 

“Oh, you think so?” you scoff. “And where would we go?” 

Now, he’s really riled up, throwing his arms up, exasperated. “To the forest,” he deadpans. “I... come from the forest. Of course I’d go to the forest.” 

Mouth pulled into a grin that you know will irk him, you say, “Sounds like a nice place. For you. You just want to get out of here, you don’t care about what happens to me. I’m hurt. This is supposed to be our escape plan, not Beomgyu’s.” 

He likes that, lips curling at the corners. “Well, I pride myself in my cleverness, and it’s not as though I’ll be leaving this rotten place by my own means,” Beomgyu says.  

“Oh, you’re just so clever.” You’ve become too familiar with that impish grin—he’s joking. But you don’t doubt for a second that if you were to propose running away, Beomgyu would be elated. He makes the jokes for a reason, anyway. It’s become a sort of game; him suggesting it, and you shutting it down. “And is that why you deign to bless me with your presence? Plotting and scheming?” 

“Don’t give me your sarcasm,” he huffs. “I deign you with my presence because I ought to. What else should I do?” 

“You love me,” you say, tableware and platters clattering and mingling with the sound of your voice. “I know it.” You drag out the last syllables in a taunting melody. 

 The servant who had been busy with making the breakfast, a hob you don’t really recognize, pokes in to tell you that it’s finished, so you move your conversation over to the table. Pulling out the chair, you eye the plates. It’s more extravagant than you usually eat here. It reminds you more of Court food or what few meals you’d had with Yeonjun: a honeyed meat and some fire-roasted burdock root. Beside it is a bowlful of salt, but it’s only by yours. You dip your head at the faerie, careful of course not to say thank you. That would mean that the faerie has done you a favor, and then you’d be expected to repay it. A simple gesture works just fine. 

Beomgyu doesn’t sit, nor does he take any interest in eating. Instead, he hovers at the far end of the long table, telling you, “I do not love anything.” 

Raising your brows at him, you say, “Whatever.” You salt the bitter root before forking it. “What are you so antsy for, anyway? Isn’t your whole thing that you sit around in a swamp for the entirety of your existence? What’s that, to staying in an estate for a bit? I think that you just like to complain to me.” 

He laughs, rocking on his heels. “It’s about free will,” he says, “And, maybe I do. Though, isn’t it a wonder that you complain to me just as much?” 

You’ve finished your plate. “Fair.” 

Taehyun emerges from a room. Your belly does a little surprised flip. You knew he was still here, but you’d hoped to avoid him. When you’d first arrived here, the estate had felt massive. Now, it’s not so much the same.  

 He doesn’t mention it, though. Instead, he surveys the table, and then his brows knit. “You’ve cooked?” 

“Not us. It was being made when I got up. There’s some for you, too, though. If you’re hungry.” 

His frown deepens, but he nods and wanders off into the kitchen. You understand. You’d been confused when you’d went into the kitchen to find a meal being made so early. It’s as if the servant is new and unfamiliar with schedules. Turning to Beomgyu, you say, “Anyway. Would sneaking out for one night appease you?” You push around the last bits of your breakfast, too full to eat anymore. “Maybe you just need to get the thrill out of your system. I have a tree by my window, that might up the ante rather than sneaking out the front door.” You give him a tongue-in-cheek raise of a brow. 

“Well, I don’t think it’s sneaking if you discuss it a room away from who you’re sneaking around,” he answers, picking at the wood of the table. “And, no.” 

At a crash, you both are whipping your heads toward the doorway. The hob servant is sprawled out on its knees. Taehyun’s face has gone cold, and he holds his sword out at the faerie in a point. Your eyes go wide, and you hop up out of your seat. “What are you doing?” you say, taking in the scene. Adrenaline sparkles in your pulse. One second, you’d been enjoying your morning, the next Taehyun has one of his servants at sword point. It’s whiplash.  

Despite your initial shock, though, you pull together the pieces—about the strangeness of the routine, and the unusual meal, and the unfamiliar faerie. You go to share a look with Beomgyu. In the narrow twitch of his eyes, you deduct that he’s come to the same conclusion. And, you’d eaten that whole meal.  

“Face me.” Taehyun barks out the command, looking down on the hob with a chilling severity. 

The faerie does slowly, bowing its head to avoid Taehyun’s face in an attempt to placate him. Taehyun says, “Who have you weaseled yourself into my estate for?” His voice carries, strong and unforgiving. It penetrates down to your marrow. You’re sure the hob feels it worse, though. There’s a long few moments with no answer. Either they won’t say it, or they can’t. They dip their head further. “If you think that your silence will earn you a quick death, it will not. Speak now, or give me your hand. I’ll have your fingers.” 

“Taehyun,” you say, shooting him a hard stare. “Are you serious?” Your stomach goes nauseous. You’ve seen Taehyun kill before, but a punishment like that, meant to inflict agony... It shocks you. 

Taehyun looks at you strangely, eyes at war with the rest of him. He says to you, keeping his sword on the hob, “Am I serious? You just ate all of that, who knows if it was poisoned.” Now stood behind the hob, he takes it by the scruff and lines the deadly edge of his sword up to its neck. 

Your heart does a little trick. You absolutely had eaten that food without question. Why would you question it? It hadn’t come to your mind at all that somebody might infiltrate this estate. With Taehyun’s new role, it only makes sense. You don’t feel bad, though. Not like when you had been poisoned at The Hovel. You’d felt that pretty fast and hard. Right now, you feel fine. As much relief as that brings you, it does beg the question: if they’d come here to do harm, why wouldn’t they utilize such a blaring opportunity? The hob had just... made you food. 

“I have every right to protect my home, and those who live in it.” Taehyun grabs harder, picking the hob up and pressing his sword in closer. The hob squeezes its narrow eyes shut. “It’s my duty.” 

It’s always duty, with Taehyun. The sight of the faerie bracing, knowing that Taehyun will hurt or kill it, worms under your skin. Your fingers strain in trembling fist. You can’t handle the awful sight, no matter if the faerie had intended to harm you. 

You think you know who’d sent the hob to come and be eyes on the inside of Taehyun’s estate, anyway. 

Beomgyu scoffs hoarsely from beside you. “I watched the fool make it. She’s not fallen sick, had she?” His bored eyes shine with distaste. "You, general, just miss the taste of blood on your tongue. You miss it dearly, I know. It’s a terrible hunger to have.” He exchanges the word Lord with one that you can acknowledge hits as a much lower blow, considering his past. Beomgyu would never miss the opportunity to remind Taehyun that from which he comes from. To that regard, you are thankful for not knowing who your parents are. No matter where you end up, at least you’ve had the power to mold your own legacy. Taehyun’s follows him, grim and stained red.  

“Taehyun, can’t you just make an exception this once? Beomgyu’s right. If they’d have wanted us hurt, they had a pretty good opportunity to. But, they didn’t.” You flex your fingers hoping to expel some nerves and step closer to where he’s stood. Making a point to catch his eyes and hold them hostage, you add, “We’d be hypocrites to kill for spying. You know that. Who are we, to call it justice and kill over this? That’s not fair.” 

He holds your eyes, pausing. “Exceptions are dangerous,” he says, but his voice is changed. There’s something other than ice-cold resolution there. You release a breath of tension.  

“I get that, but...” You search his face. “Please.” 

The estate is quiet aside from the huffing of the hob for a second. The look in Taehyun’s face changes, and then he’s throwing the faerie to the ground. He sheathes his sword with a crisp click that you’ve never been more elated to hear, and he snaps, “Get out. Go. Tell whoever the hell sent you here that I won’t take so kindly to this again.” 

The hob does not waste even a second in making good on their second chance. It scrambles up and away in a scramble of furious legs and arms. 

Beomgyu shakes his head and goes to retreat off to wherever he spends a majority of his time, now that the show is over.  

Taehyun, looking disconcerted with his arms folded and brows lifted, says, “Somebody is sending their people here, and now I’ve set a precedent. I look weak. Those wolves will pounce on any stretch of weakness they can find.” 

You sigh. “I know,” you say. “I know, Taehyun. Thank you.” You don’t tell him that the wolf he speaks of is Yeonjun, and that the spy was not here to kill or collect intellect from him.  

It seems that the prince has made his move. 

❆

“You think that was the end of it?” Beomgyu says. “No. That was nothing beyond a glimpse. A life spent beside his blood-drinking father is undeniable. How the gentry kids learn Court snark, the Lord learned to take butchery as a trophy.” 

Shooting him a glare, you slot the arrow in its home and pull the bowstring taut. It comes much easier, now. Your chest doesn’t tremble, and you can properly hold it there comfortably enough to actually aim. Finding the bullseye of woven straw, you narrow your eyes down. You find the center of the spiral, further down the field now that you’ve gotten a better handle on your archery. Like Taehyun had said, you aim a little left to make room for wind direction. You release a slow breath in a smooth, silver stream of breath. Wind whistles around the arrow as it dances down the flat of powdery snow. It pierces the center left with a far-off thud. Not a bullseye, but you’re glad to meet your mark.  

You reach for another arrow. “Or,” you say, “Growing up with his father taught him to be a better man for it.” 

The kelpie, having watched you practice out here for at least thirty minutes, looks up to you from where he sits squatted on the ground. “You don’t believe that,” he scoffs. He drags a finger in the snow. The ground around him is a work of muddy shapes, where he’s worked the snow so much that the wet ground beneath it has begun turning it to brown slush. “The brute is no different. Ardently as he may detest the former general, he has followed his tracks in the snow. Reluctance makes him no better.” 

Cupping your hands over your mouth, you puff out warm breaths that soothe your stinging nose and stiff fingers. It lasts only a small, gratifying moment. You puff out a sigh and take the bow back into your hands. You thought you’d gotten over this conversation, decided to determine for yourself what kind of man Taehyun is, but... When he took up his role as general, you were set back an infuriating mile. Things are even muddier, now. You know he has a reputation to keep up as general, and that he made an exception for you in letting that spy go. If he doesn’t present a strong front, it’ll put you all in danger. That doesn’t stop abrasive thoughts from sticking under your skin, though.  

“Don’t even try and act like you care about violence,” you tell him, giving him a high brow. “It’s not as if you don’t trick people and drag them down into your swamp for your own enjoyment. You just dislike Taehyun.” You bring back the string and let another arrow go. It lands somewhere near the first.  

He doesn’t deny that, a rotten smile splitting across his face.  

Your next shot lands beside the bullseye. Letting out a triumphant sound, you say, “Did you see that?” 

Beomgyu hums. “That one was good.” He stands up to full height with creaking bones and adds, “But, aren’t you getting bored of this? I say we find something more interesting to waste precious time with.” 

You frown. “More interesting...” 

He nods, enthused.  

“That sounds like a terrible idea, coming from you. Interesting is subjective, and I don’t think I’d like to learn your interpretation of it,” you say, voice sewn with suspicion. You lean your bow against the tree, though. Hitting so close to the center was enough gratification to appease you for the day. “And how can I be sure that this isn’t part of an escape plan?” 

He groans. “Let me play some, won’t you? I have a place that will please the both of us.” 

You feign long consideration, but you’ve already decided. As cold as you are, and despite your weary arms, you’re jumping at the opportunity to escape the strong walls of the estate. You’ve got a funny tingling in your veins that pleads with you to go and do something. Wherever Beomgyu may take you, you’ll just appreciate the distraction from muddled thoughts and recycling anxieties. You nod finally. “Fine. Don’t bring me anywhere weird, kelpie.” 

Though, you never know what you’re getting into, with Beomgyu. 

❆

Well, the dusted walls of a once-great residence around you are not the worst you imagined when thinking where Beomgyu might take you. 

“You told I’d me be pleased,” you say, voice bouncing off the walls and coming back to you hollow. It was the residence of some gone gentry folk, you know. Why that would be of any interest to you, you’re not sure. It’s pretty, sure. You’d fought snow and numb fingers to get here, though. You frown at him expectantly. 

“You have a sorry amount of trust in me. You would be, if you’d just open your eyes to it,” he cuts back.  

You hum. “Sure.” Raking your eyes over the baseboards, brown wood carved into leaves and acorns, and then down the still halls, you make an effort to see anything differently. Of course, it does nothing. Beomgyu speaks strangely, and he hadn’t actually meant to look differently. Despite your conclusion, you still see a stale and forgotten place. You cross your arms over your chest and say, “I get it. This was just an escape plan. And I’m gonna get your ass. Do you know how far of a that walk was?” 

“This would be a nice to stay, if we were to forget a certain Lord’s estate...” he muses, tilting his head off to one side. “But no.” 

Looking around, your eyes catch on the film of dust on the floor down the hallway that shoots off from the tall dining hall that you stand in. More specifically, you’re concerned with the set of footsteps leading down it. Your feet tell you to dart. “Beomgyu?” you say, eyes wide as you look over to him. “Who’s here?” 

“Should we go find out?” he says, thick set of brows jumping in a playful twitch. 

He sets off down the hallway. You follow, internalizing the new surroundings with large drinks. You’re not sure why you ever thought this would end with him taking you out to the forest to watch will-o'-the-wisps dance in twinkling balls of light, or going to watch a babbling brook work its way over the earth. 

A tall man steps out from a room. You jump, pulling Beomgyu back, as if he weren’t some ancient faerie beast capable of managing himself. He cracks a laugh. The man looks between you two. Your tongue darts out to wet dry lips. He’s no doubt wondering who you are, just the same as you’re wondering who he is. You whisper to your cavorting heart that Beomgyu is magically compelled to not shove you into harm’s way, and it seems that he knows who this is. 

You notice the man’s round ears, and his soft and humble features, and the earthliness, and the imperfection-flecked skin. Familiarity bursts in your chest—you’re looking into the face of another human. “Who is this?” you whisper over to Beomgyu. 

“This is Soobin,” he announces, answering your whisperings with his full chest. “A friend, and a human, as I think you’ve noticed.” A proud gleam flashes over his eyes. “I believe that you owe me your thanks now.” 

The man, Soobin, dips his head at you. Dull, brown eyes study you. “I am,” he says. 

Searching for words, you open and close your mouth a few times. A nervous thrill wraps you up. You’ve wanted to get to know and be friends with your kind for your entire life. “Why are you here?” you ask, making a gesture at the residence. “It looks abandoned. Very abandoned.” When you’d first arrived at Taehyun’s estate, it’d been left alone for quite a while in Taehyun’s leaving it behind. This, though, looks much different than that. You wonder who this place belonged to, and why it’s no longer in use. 

Sullen eyes answer yours. They remind you of Beomgyu’s, the old tiredness. It’s strange, seeing that look reflected on such a young face. How does Beomgyu known him, anyway? Soobin answers, “I was a glamoured servant here. Until the faerie died.” He continues talking as he returns to the room from which he’d come from. This room, off and away from the massive inner hall that makes up the majority of the residence, is fresher. Where dust balls and had taken over what was once most definitely a place busy with servants and the host of many feasts, this room is alive and no doubt where Soobin lives. “Then, the glamour died, and I came back to myself.” He sits down onto a foot bench in front of a green-sheeted bed. This must’ve been bedroom for the faerie he’d served. Now, it’s his. He brings his hands up. Where the soft skin of an easy life should sit, there’s worn and ruined skin in its place. “I wasn’t conscious when I’d been working it, but when I came back... my body ached. It ached so bad, and at first, I had no idea why or... where I was. All I knew was that I’d been worked into the ground.” 

Your heart hangs like stone in your chest, looking at his broken hands. When you’d been taken from the human world, you’d been so young that it made no difference to you. Growing up here, it’s all you’ve ever known. Not every human is brought here how you had been, though. Some are snatched up from their adult lives; fallen to some faerie trick hidden in plain sight. Slip up, and you’re stolen away to come do work in this wretched realm. You don’t know what’s worse: what happened to you, being raised here and molded into a meaningless servant, or that. The faerie had stolen time from his life that he will never get back—and he remembers none of it. Glamoured servants had always stricken a gut-wrenching sick feeling in you, whenever you’d seen them. With gone eyes and hollowed out cheeks, they’d look right through you like mist and continue on with their prescribed duties. Like a husk of a living being. 

Even now, Soobin’s body tells the story of the taxation. This faerie must’ve seen humans as cattle. “Why stay here?” you ask, making a seat out of a sofa along the wall. The cushions accept your shape graciously; made affable by time and use. Beomgyu trades the cushioned seat for the floor in front of your crisscrossed legs. He lolls his head back, coarse hair tickling at your skin. 

Beomgyu answers. “Because he has no place else to go, and his awful stubbornness keeps him here. There are no rides back to the human world, if you’re not willing to give something away for it.” 

Soobin, looking more annoyed than genuinely angry with Beomgyu’s words, says, “I’m not going to give your kind any more of me than I was already forced to. I’ll find a way. Eventually.” 

Eventually. The word is heavy coming out from his mouth, falling out like a dud; not even he believes it. “How long have you been here?” 

“I... don’t know.” He shifts, watching the flooring rather than looking at the two of you as he speaks. “Since I was taken here? I have no idea. I don’t remember a lick of it. But from what I do remember, long. Centuries, maybe.” 

Your fingers, raking paths through the tangles in Beomgyu’s hair, freeze. Looking up at him, you tilt your head. It sounds like it should be a hyperbole, an overdramatization to describe what feels like an eternity spent here in this old place. But he doesn’t deliver it as such. No, his voice doesn’t joke at all—his eyes stare hard and lack the light of life. “What?” you say. Your voice crackles with a confused flare. “What do you mean, centuries?” 

“He means that he’s been making this his home for centuries,” Beomgyu says. 

“No,” you say, willing your glare to burn holes through the back of his head below you. Of course, he doesn’t stir or notice at all. “I mean, that’s not possible. We don’t live that long.” Nonetheless, he looks no older than you. Anything above twenty years is no less unbelievable than centuries.  

“You don’t?” Beomgyu says. You hear the patronizing smile through his words. “I have known him long. And yet, he lives... How strange is that?” 

You deliver a punishing shove at the back of his head. “You know what I meant, idiot.” 

Simpering, he says back to you from over his shoulder, “You’re not so much the sweet girl I remember meeting. Spend enough of your time here, and even the human’s body slows. The makeup of his human flesh has not aged for quite some time. Neither will yours.” 

A lifetime spent dreading how fast your life will dwindle away comes crashing down over you. You blink hard at the impact. You’d been haunted; followed around by the dark and heavy promise of a soon death, of deteriorating joints and a forgettable name. That had all been in vain? The enormity of that realization... it comes overhead like dark and swirling water, sucking you down where no amount of kicking or thrashing will clear a way. It swallows you. A bitter anger kindles down in the depths from which that fear had nestled itself. So, Nut-hatch had made the very conscious decision to lead you to believe otherwise. 

“You’ve reached maturity, and you will stay this way for until you leave Faerie. The years will begin coming to you, as long as you remain there; where time flows differently through the veins,” Beomgyu continues. “He only wishes to spend his blessing of time decaying away here.” 

The two of them begin talking back and forth about whatever it is that Beomgyu says, but a loud silence like fog in your head has their words more like background noise. You’d lived for so, so long thinking that you were running out of time. The tick of a terrible clock sounded off in the distance in a haunting echo in everything you ever did. It’s why you ever rallied the nerve to up and leave the life you’d been dragged into. You’d been so scared of wasting what little life you had—fear welled up high and told you that time was running out to do it. Would you have ever even left, if you’d not thought yourself so rushed? Your face feels hot. 

Soobin saying your name, loud and questioning, draws you out just enough to hear him say, “How did you get tricked?” 

You swallow and clear your throat, sitting up straighter. “What do you mean?” you ask, mental inertia coloring your words lost. “Tricked?” Doing a re-survey of the room, you stop on the windows. Day has begun weaning off into the gray of eventide.  

“How did you end up as a servant, I mean,” he elaborates. 

“Oh,” you say, nodding your understanding. “Sorry, I got distracted. I was taken when I was little, so I didn’t get tricked, or anything.” Nut-hatch didn’t have to trick you to bring you here like most faeries do when taking humans from their world, because you had no will. It’s the loophole in their governing nature; though they might not be able to just take humans without a promise or debt or something of that sort, they can take away the newly born. As long as they leave behind what they believe to be a replacement as payment. 

“You’re a changeling,” he says, as if realizing out loud. His eyes meet yours, dead and gone and bitter. “You should’ve killed that faerie. They all deserve it.” 

The acidic rancor there has you balking. Kill Nut-hatch? You may still harbor resentment—deep, deep gnarly gashes and crevices that you’d had to fill, and it just so happens that enmity did the job well. You understand his anger, but the thought of killing your stealer for self-gratifying revenge doesn’t make you feel good. Not in the way he suggests it should. In a sick way that only a child with a cavity in their chest where the love for a parent should be could manage, you consumed her role as your owner and digested it down into something you could cling on to. And, with chubby little desperate hands, you had. Perhaps she would spit in your face if you were to return to her now—because you’d failed to fulfill your purpose for her—you could not fathom hurting her. You pull back the sour face twitching at your muscles and say, “How do you feel about that, Beomgyu? I thought you were friends.” 

He shakes his head. “If you make senseless bets, you’re already the fool. You can’t act so surprised when you’re then asked to put on the fool’s hat and to dance,” he says, pointed derision like an arrow at Soobin.  

Whatever that means. The folk speak with adages and idioms, but Beomgyu’s verbiage is infested with it.  You scuffle down your laugh when Soobin does not share your humor. 

“How was I supposed to have thought I’d be making a bet with a faerie? Nobody even knows this shit is real, there. It’s all just folklore and scary stories. It’s not fair ground if I didn’t even know that I was doing it. And now, here I am: everybody I ever knew and loved is long, long dead.” 

His words are seething with hatred, and yet they’re barren. It’s carved him up inside, dug him out into a shell with only this awfulness left. It shakes you a bit. You’d been so eager to find another human to know or to bond with. This, though... Your brain feels rattled around in your skull. You hope to never become this.  

“So, no. We are not friends,” Soobin says. “He only comes here to enjoy my misfortune, and our kind live with the need for interaction. I tolerate it, I guess.” 

You husk out a laugh that doesn’t find your eyes. “Well, that’s not very nice, Beomgyu,” you say, stressing his name with false reprimand. “He enjoys my suffering too,” you tell Soobin. You nudge Beomgyu with your dangling leg, trying to drag the nonplussed kelpie back into the conversation to save you. 

“Of course, he does. It’s why they take us from our world: our pain is no more than like playing with a beetle to watch it struggle, and then killing it when it’s no longer fun. We’re bugs. Or, dirt. I’m sure you’ve heard that before. They love to tell us that.” 

You have. That memory is one that you prefer shoved down and compact where you can’t let it remind you what your designated role really is. You’ve been so good about ignoring it, too. With a quick glance to the windows and the dark that’s fallen outside, you say, “I think we need to go, Beomgyu. We didn’t bring any lights...” 

The kelpie drags himself up from the ground and away from the room without any sharing of pleasantries. You offer Soobin a quick goodbye and are next out of the room, feet moving like the wood flooring has gone to hot coals. 

Even in the round edges of a human face, you had not found the resonance that you’ve longed so hard for. Humans have the capacity for unshaking violence and vacant souls too, it seems. Perhaps it was never that you were looking for a human to see yourself reflected in—you’d just bloomed cloudy hopes of finding eyes that will see you clearly and deeply. Those hopes had been misplaced. 

 But, if not in another human, then who? 

❆

It’s utterly black outside—a moonless night. Kicking your restless legs out from your blankets, you stumble down the stairs. 

You can’t find sleep, even behind closed eyes. Behind your eyelids, you see Yeonjun’s storm-clouded face and you taste Taehyun on your mouth. You’re harassed by guilt cruelly, and feel the weight of your conversation with Soobin deep in your chest.  

How you end up at Taehyun’s door once again, you’re not sure. It’s a wholly inappropriate hour of the night, and you ought to have learned your lesson the last time you’d found yourself here. You don’t know why your sleepy legs lead you here. You’re better off plaguing Beomgyu with your restlessness instead. Why you’re stood here before this door... It’s beyond you. 

Though, you’ve been desperately unable to shove down the urge to stick your toes in the water and see just how icy they are. He’s pointedly avoided you, and you have no grasp on where you two are going after this. An innate feeling, settled heavy like stone in your chest, tells you that everything has changed. 

Once you’ve knocked and cracked the door open, though, a nervous tide creeps up on you. You should pivot and be back to your room. You would, if you were smart, but as Taehyun sits up with a mess of dark hair and sleep-dusted cheeks, you’re compelled by something other than your mind. It’s something strangely human, waking up in a groggy haze. The sight of sleepiness on the ever-composed Taehyun is jarring. It’s gone in only a blink, though, as he shakes it away. 

“Is something wrong?” he says. He may have brushed away the fog in his brain, but he’s powerless to the husk still weighing his voice down. It sends a strange thrill through you.  

You shake your head, throat dry. 

He frowns. “You’re having dreams again?” 

The gentle question has you pausing. It’s so out and away—so far beyond what you expect from him. Taehyun has never been one to ask around about how you’re feeling. He’d much rather skirt around such things, and pretend them away. Emotional nuance is a lost cause on him. Or, that’s what you’d thought, anyway. What’s changed? “No,” you tell him, pursing your lips. “I just... wanted to talk to you.” 

Taehyun sits more fully upright. “About what?” he says. You don’t miss how his shoulders straighten and stiffen. 

On bare feet, you shuffle over to his bed. “Nothing,” you tell him. You hadn’t exactly planned on coming here. Of course, he thinks you’ve come here to address what had happened. But... that’s not why you came here. At least, you think it isn’t. You don’t know. “Can I sit?” You gesture at the foot of his bed. He nods, eyes trained right on you. Pressing one knee into the coverlets, you climb in. 

The buzzing and hum of wind dance in the air between you. You’re not sure what to say; it’s so heavy with every single thing. It’s hard to keep things light with him, when even the silence is painted with intensity.  

You settle with just saying, “I couldn’t sleep.” 

He licks his lips, nodding. “I’d only just fallen asleep,” he says. “Always something to think about.” 

You can relate to that. The melody of a serene, content mind seems like a distant memory. “Sorry,” you say. You hadn’t meant to ruin his rest. Rigidity intrudes on the flow of conversation. You don’t remember ever being this awkward. 

He dismisses that with a shake of his head. “I’ll manage,” he says. “When I came back yesterday, you and the kelpie weren’t here. Where did you go?” 

This is exactly what had been keeping your mind awake. You had wanted to think of anything but that, but maybe talking to somebody about it will be nice. “Beomgyu took me somewhere,” you say. You laugh softly as he makes a face. “Yeah, I know. It was some old, run-down place. And there was this human there.” 

You pause, filtering through the memory. Taehyun doesn’t speak, his eyes watching you with an attentive slowness. He’s just listening. Continuing, you say, “It was weird, because... Well, we were talking, and... He was nice. It was nice, talking to another human and seeing my features on him.” 

You give a passing glance over at his ears. 

“And Beomgyu is a jerk, but I don’t think I learned that yesterday,” you say. You ramble, perhaps filling the space where the uncomfortable memory sits before you can let it bother you. It doesn’t help that the air is so quiet. Your mouth moves quick to make it less so. “But... this guy. He’s centuries old, and just lives inside that place. I’d been so excited to have someone who could understand me like that, but then he started saying stuff that made me feel... just, bad for him, I guess. He was so angry and bitter.” 

Taehyun watches you speak, and then nods. Tinged with his sleepy husk, he says, “Not everybody stays good when they live for so long. He let it rot him.” 

“Yeah. It was really like he was rotted. Not bad, I guess,” you say. “It made me worry that I’ll end up that way, someday. Even though we came here differently, I still feel that sort of anger sometimes. I don’t like it, though.” 

“I don’t think you will,” he says. 

His voice feels so strangely soft. You don’t know how to respond to this, coming from him. Long, quiet beats only decorated by the crackling of bushes scraping up and down the windows, fall over you two again. Your gazes intertwine, dancing together in a way that is also different. “Thank you,” you tell him, your voice meek. “I hope that’s true.” 

The longer you’re sat there in Taehyun’s bed, the plush warmth of it and his presence serving as some sort of scarecrow for your pestering thoughts, your eyes grow heavier and your words more useless. Here, in his room and in his presence, it’s as if those thoughts and their terrible claws cannot reach you. You prattle on to him about sleepy nothings, but he doesn’t seem to mind that you’re stealing his sleep from him. He only listens, eyes watching you melt down into something softer on the surface of his bed. 

❆

When you’d woken up this morning, you’d popped up in a frantic flurry. Instead of on your own bed, your dreary eyes were met with the walls of Taehyun’s room. You had fallen asleep in Taehyun’s bed; talked yourself into a solid sleep. You had been so thankful that he was not there when you’d been drug from your slumber by the feel of foreign bedsheets on your skin. 

Even thinking about it now, your ears glow red. Had he been annoyed? You frantically shove those thoughts away. 

There’s a thump from outside. You lean over from your spot on the bed and try to get the best look out you can manage, but it’s at an angle. You see nothing but winter’s flurries there.  

Your head drops back down to the threadbare fabric in hand. Beomgyu, after a long-winded back and forth, had relented to letting you patch up his clothes. Well, just his shirt. When he’d handed it over to you, it had been a valiant internal battle to not run off and drown the thing in soaped water. For now, you settle for just patching up the mangiest bits. It gives you something to be busy with. 

Taehyun has been especially busy lately. You’re not sure why; he doesn’t exactly go around singing about his stresses.  

This time, there’s three resounding and deliberate knocks at the pane of your window. Your working fingers come to a stop, head popping up. A nervous rattle thrums up and down your spine. It could have been a straying tree branch knocking a song with the wind’s encouragement, but they’d been so sure and pronounced. You let the shirt down and slip off the bed. Keeping your approach down to whisper, you creep toward the window. 

Yeonjun, nose gone pink, sits on a sturdy branch. 

For a moment, you stand there taking in the sight of him there; a prince of Faerie, crouched up and in a tangle of branches as he waits for you. It’s absurd. Not only that, it’s dreadful. You’ve done well, tearing yourself away from him. So, so well. Recently, all that hurt has painted its face and made itself anger. At the sight of his face, it sparks in your chest. But it’s a dull, slow flame, oh so reluctant. This anger feels different than other angers. It bothers you so deeply that you can’t place a finger on why. 

And you want to let that anger sit there and fester, hoping that it will work at eroding away your still-connected heartstrings like rot. Even through the glass of the window, you feel them—red and reinforced and tugging you toward him. 

It’s ridiculous. This is ridiculous and pathetic, letting him send you fragmented just with this. You’ve become the sort of girl that you’d snort over in sappy lover’s ballads and odes, the kind that you’d looked down on for their lack of spine. How different it is, when it comes to your turn. Despite it all, you reach out and push the windows open. Even with the sputtering flame you foster, he’s frozen and does not look like he’s going to give up just at this. If you were to pretend he wasn’t there and flop back down into the bed, you think that he might sit there brazen and let the ice freeze him from the inside out. Or, he’ll find some other way to speak with you. The glint in his eyes, the only light reflected in flatness, tells you as much. 

“This isn’t cute, or... romantic, like you think it is, Yeonjun. Not like last time. It’s just hurtful,” you tell him. 

Breath like smoke, Yeonjun says, “I don’t mean to hurt you. It kills me that I do.” His voice is sweet and smooth like malt liquor. It grips your mind in dazzling claws. 

You shake your head, staying a reasonable distance from him and the window. “You’re not supposed to be here. You have to go,” you tell him, pulling the leash to the collar you’ve put on yourself taut. “It’s icy. Climb down safe, please.” 

Of course, that doesn’t budge him. “Not supposed to be here? Why, because you don’t want it, or because he’ll be angry at you?” he says. His pretty face has gone sour. “Look at you. You’ve lost so much weight. He’s not taking care of you, pretty. Come home to me. I know you know where it is; I see the look on your face. I know that you lie to me with your words, but you were never good at hiding your face.” 

You stay rooted to your spot; you won’t be so weak to words again. No matter how sweet and soft they feel against your shining, weeping wounds. He put that hurt there. Leaning into it would just be self-destructive. 

“Please. It hurts both of us to be away, so why do it? I know that I’ve hurt you, and I’ll spend every last of my waking breath letting you know that it was a mistake. I’ll leave it all behind—none of it matters,” he continues. “Make me your servant. Ask me to swear my life away to you, and I’ll drop to my knees and put it on my beating heart right now.”  

Your throat feels dry. He’d swear himself in your service, give you the ability to control him as you will. It’s an unfathomably massive show of trust and dedication. You don’t want that, though. Not one bit. His frantic professions punch you in the gut nonetheless. Had you been losing weight? You haven’t even noticed. Yeonjun did, though—at a glance, he’d known you’ve been hurting.  

“Yeonjun, please. You’re not making this easy for me. Just give it time; we’ll get over it. Eventually, we’ll forget each other,” you say, jaw aching with protest at each heavy word. Now faced with the reality of a much, much longer life, your own words bite you. It means, though, that you have so much time to build yourself up into something solid and beautiful. And, somewhere down the road, you’ll think of this and be unaffected. Won’t that day come any sooner, though? 

“Forget each other?” he says, laugh like poison. “No, we won’t forget each other. Time doesn’t fix it. I promise you that I know that all too well. Our love is not the kind you can forget. It will just hurt forever.” 

“Go on,” you say. “Lie to me again. I want to hear it.” 

Eyes shining and unable to lie, he says, “I love you.” 

Swallowing thickly, you back away and get ready to close the window.  

He climbs in through the window in a quick move. You don’t even have time to protest it before he’s saying, “Ask anything of me. Any last thing that you want of me, but do not ask me to watch you in his arms. I will not.” 

There it is again—that dread. You want it to go easy, but of course it never was going to. “Stop it,” you say, mustering up a shaking finger to point at him. “Stop. Just go.” 

His face goes hard. “That bastard is off to a war camp. Soon. He becomes more like his father every day, doesn’t he?” His soft hands, warm and cradling, find your face. “You don’t have to punish me by being with him. Come be safe. All he’s done is throw you out in the path of danger. If he cared for you, it would have never happened.” 

Darting between his eyes, breaths come quick to you. “What?” you say. It’s the one word you can pull out from the chaos that he’s wrought onto your thoughts. A blizzard erupts, and through the whipping breeze and shards you don’t think to pull away from him or take his hands off of you. 

So, that’s why Taehyun had been busy. What does that even entail for you? Are you going to be here? Does he expect you to pack up and go there with him, to travel for a war that you don’t even care for? 

“All I ever did was protect you, pretty. I know that, in hindsight, it all seems shady. But I promise you that I did. They were never going to hurt you, and neither was I,” he says, his voice thick and strong with conviction. 

Metal rings, the sound of a quick blade being unsheathed.  

“Leave,” Taehyun snarls. He holds his sword at point, right on Yeonjun. It’s an emphatic promise of what he’s capable of and what he’ll do. 

Flame, wild and melting you around the edges, eats up every last bit of oxygen in the room. It leaves none for you to breathe. It crackles and pops between them, where their gazes meet and feed it. Everything else has gone still. Even the wind, it seems.  

Sword held fast and unmoving, Taehyun says, “You send your people into my home, and now you sneak in yourself. I won’t be walked over. Leave now, or you waste my courtesy.” 

So, he’d come to that conclusion as well. He’s so still—his face carved of ice into sharp edges.  

When Yeonjun sends a look your way, you shake your head at him. You have no clue what he’s thinking, but you want none of it. Your stomach does a violent flip. “Yeonjun, go. I want you to go. Please.” 

His features lined with flame; he looks from you to Taehyun. “Your violence will be the fall of you,” he says, jaw tight as he pushes out toward your door. Not without a final glance sent to you, though. The promise you see there is a dreadful one. 

You refuse to meet Taehyun’s daggered look. Beomgyu’s shirt lays forgotten on your bed. You’re half tempted to grab it and resume work; to continue on and escape this. 

“That didn’t take very fucking long, did it?” he says. “Right back into his arms.” 

Your drag your hands down your face. “I didn’t tell him to come here,” you snap. “It’s none of your business who I talk to. How about we talk about you leaving? When did you plan on telling me, huh? I don’t like secrets, Taehyun.” 

Taehyun slips his sword back into the sheath. It clicks back in place. “None of my business?” he says. He repeats the words back at you with an asp’s curl. “When he’s in my home, in your room, it’s my business.” 

“Would you stop?” you say, exhaustion sputtering out your fight. “With Yeonjun, I always know what’s going on. With you? I don’t know what to expect,” you say. “Tell me. When were you going to tell me that you’re going?” 

His face morphs into something different: one of those bone-chilling ones that you don’t know how to explain. He doesn’t answer for a few beats; you can see his mind turning itself over. “This was going to happen. I told you that,” he says. “And I was going to tell you.” 

You let out a long sigh, your shoulders loosening with it, when this time his voice isn’t so venomous. He’d been so busy lately. Being general assured that, especially now that things are moving. “When? How long will you be gone?” you say. “What if something happens to you, Taehyun? What are Beomgyu and I supposed to do?” You include Beomgyu in your proposition, but you’re not sure whether he’d stay with you or run off into the tree line the moment he finds he’s free. Then, really, who would you have? 

“You’ll be there,” he says. “You can come. I prefer it. If you stay here, you’re vulnerable to attacks. This estate is known to be mine, and now that I’ve become the general... I can’t say that it’s safe.” He’s come so close that now his eyes look down on you. They don’t feel acidic on your skin. “And nothing will happen to me. I promise it, nothing will happen to me or you. Or that kelpie. I’ll win this war.” 

Around a thick swallow, you nod.  

You don’t doubt that Taehyun has the skill or the wits to do so. You only can hope that he doesn’t destroy himself trying to prove it; to both you and himself. 

…🪶 ashlynn's note i know, i know. we made big moves this chapter. AHHHH! taehyun…… taehyun…..

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