#and constantly having to rely on my friends in my major to help me with work bc it doesnt click for me

[sunflowerrboyy]

i think the biggest heartbreak at the moment is just now when i realized i fucked up and chose the wrong major

[your-local-granny]

okay before i forget. i've been trying to put my finger on why people saying phoenix and maya are 'sibling-coded' pisses me off so much and I think a big part of it is how important mia is to both their introduction and also the foundation of their relationship and how calling phoenix and maya 'siblings/sibling-coded' waters down all of their relationships

phoenix wishing that maya was mia is a very big part of maya's arc as well as a big sticking point in phoenix and maya's relationship. phoenix spends the majority of turnabout sisters wishing that 'the chief' was there and when maya fails to channel her he shows outward disappointment. this is something that maya obviously picks up on and internalizes as we see throughout the rest of the games. most notably maya shows remarkably little self-preservation, throwing herself at von Karma's taser and in contempt of court to help edgeworth (and by extent, phoenix). she openly admits to feeling useless when she can't channel mia and phoenix never refutes this out loud until he of course presents the bullet to her showing that she wasn't useless. phoenix is notably bad at expressing his thoughts/ and feelings so its honestly debatable whether this gets through to maya but thats neither here nor there

on the other side of it, maya wishes that phoenix would be the caring adult figure that she was missing for most of her life (and especially after mia dies) and phoenix does not do a great job of being that figure. he likes her sure, and they're good friends, but he's definitely not nurturing or sensitive whenever maya is in distress. at the end of turnabout sisters when mia tells maya to "take care of phoenix" for her, maya starts calling him nick (because that's what mia said phoenix's friend calls him) and their dynamic for the most part is solidified. maya is not able to find mia in phoenix and accepts him as his own person and a part of her life as a friend.

phoenix has a more complicated journey with viewing maya as her own person partially because of the whole spirit-channeling thing, and partially because maya is younger than both the chief and himself. phoenix is constantly looking to a mentor for guidance and feels out of his depth for most of the cases in the trilogy. he frequently wishes that mia could be there, and is shown to value maya's ideas less, or at the least question them more at face-value. nevertheless, by the second game phoenix relies on maya greatly as shown with how he copes (or fails to cope) with her absence in rfta and 2-4, and 3-5. phoenix views her as both an integral part of his life and support structure, but also views her as someone he has to put on a brave face for, much like pearls. maya is phoenix's young friend that he leans on and wishes to protect.

maya's love for her sister is a core theme that spans the entire trilogy and culminates in maya almost dying in 3-5. phoenix's love for mia is a constant driving force that pushes him past what he believed himself capable of, and encourages him to trust those who become those closest to him. phoenix and maya's relationship is colored by their own relationships to mia, and how they view each others relationship with mia. they both represent a part of her that they never knew as well as a part of her they can keep loving in her place after she is gone, but most importantly, neither of them will ever be mia. no one else can be maya's big sister and no one else can be phoenix's mentor. they meet each other as two strangers set adrift by the same lost mooring, and though they'll never be secure in the way they were before meeting each other, they have a friend to help keep themselves afloat.

[fairuzfan]

Sorry one more thing I wasn't going to talk about but if you had asked me about the binational state/land thing maybe... in 2016, I might have given a somewhat positive answer but I think that since then, Israeli society has become exponentially more racist and anti-Palestinian. Since then we had the Abraham Accords, Sheikh Jarrah, Massafir Yatta, the highest child martyr count in years, and now finally a full blown genocide. Many Palestinians who previously advocated for equality in a single state look at all this, especially in recent months and think "how can I live side by side with these people?"

The vast majority of Israeli society is not against war for the sake of the Palestinians, they're against war for their own safety. They say as much. Hell, look at standing together. The founder guy says "our security is tied in with the Palestinians'". So if it wasn't tied with the Palestinians', you wouldn't care? And I get sometimes you need to introduce people to ideas gently, but their entire organization language emphasizes "shared pain" when there is an oppressor/oppressed dynamic they aren't even hinting at. How can anyone achieve safety if you won't even admit you have power over your Palestinian org members?

Even Brothers in Arms claims to want to "strengthen democracy" but they completely ignore Palestinians have never experienced democracy in "Israel". So what's the point strengthening your own standing when the most disadvantaged still are at rock bottom?? Plus your whole group represents the IOF reservists/members, you have no intention of helping Palestinians when you are the primary oppressors. And this is not an insignificant group in israel!

Not many Israelis are willing to put themselves on the line to protect or even advocate for Palestinians. I mean 7+ months into a genocide and what did israeli society do other than protest *netanyahu*? Hold up flour bags during the flour massacre??? The people serving in the idf are your friends and family and community. Tel Aviv is an hour away from Gaza. Surely you can do *something* physical!! They had people at their Gaza borders starving Palestinians on purpose and people just... watched it happen. Not to mention the IOF, which many Israelis are a part of, participates in the genocide and has been lauded for their "heroism". I look at that and I think "how can I expect you to seriously consider my rights as a person? How do I know you won't miss your old status and reclaim it?"

We've seen Israelis *celebrate* and *ridicule* our martyrs and people. So like where us the good faith in all this? Where can we work with some of these people and think "Yeah I believe they'll respect my inherent dignity as a person"?

Which binationalism relies on this. You need to have good faith between communities for this to actually happen. But when one community won't even acknowledge it's status as an oppressor at the height of oppression? Then what?

Israel as a country has never faced any retribution for its actions for 75 years. No one is holding them accountable. The country teaches propaganda in its schools about the Nakba. There is not serious consideration for Palestinian rights in Israeli society. Why would they suddenly decide to participate in a project that puts Palestinians as equal to Israelis when they learned all their lives that Palestinians are ruthless, unreasonable people who can't be reasoned with, and Israelis are logical, poor victims who are actually the ones who need protection from the Palestinians!

It just is mind boggling because I see people constantly complain about the way they hear things from Palestinians these days like "all Israelis need to leave". And they go on to say "why would you be so hateful/why would you say that" and don't think for a minute they're experiencing a televised genocide of their people (which they could have ended up in their shoes! People forget that Gaza has multiple refugee camps! Any one of us could have lived there!) And conversely are looking to Israeli society for them to do anything and they see nothing. At least think for a moment why they would say these things given the context of the situation. There's a genocide going on! And you're worried about what the people who are experiencing their people's genocide are saying because you're worried for the society conducting said genocide?? Let's deal with the matter at hand first!!!!!!

[cyrintheum]

Introducing Strohl as an ESFJ! + ARGUMENT WHY HE IS ESFJ

Hello everyone, It’s really jarring how much intuitive bias PDB has. Just because he leads in a group and has a plan doesn’t automatically mean he’s an ENFJ. If he has Ni-Se in his stack, then where’s the desire of his to have a grand plan on his country and even some Se sensory pleasures like blade-riding? He is obviously Si-Ne since he internalizes memorable moments in the past, him being eloquent with his words, and he even comes back with witty jokes and comebacks. I also made this new and improved argument with the help of my friends in order to properly present my argument better and more concisely.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

I’m gonna cut through the chase here. It's already obvious that he is a Fe dom, so I won’t try to flesh out that part here. I’m gonna explain Si and Ne on this part.

Introverted Sensing (Si): Here’s the important part. His bond mostly focuses on trying to rebuild his past hometown, and he constantly tries to relive the events that transpired through it. He also wants to build a future where everyone gets their ruined cities rebuilt, since he does not want them to happen ever again. In a way, Si thinks about the past, but not just the past. It considers the past as a factor, and also thinks about the future due to the past. Ni is more of an unconscious effort seeing the future due to current happenings. Next, he constantly brings up his parents' teachings on doing laundry, cooking, and even honing your swords. This highlights his familiarity with traditional values his parents imposed on him. A Ni user is more likely to be rebellious with traditional teachings, due to it being one of the most stubborn cognitive functions. 

When going to Brilehaven, you are met with him reminiscing on his childhood in that city. "My parents took me once when I was a boy. I remember the day we arrived, and waking up to the smell of the ocean.” “The place was crowded beyond belief. Everything was so different from our hometown in the countryside.” Another thing, in one of his bonds, Strohl vividly remembers how he met Will, as well as the time where he mentioned that, “The roads were so rough we could hardly keep our arses on our seats, but there you were, reading a book of all things.”

According to Emma Jung’s description of introverted sensation, Si absorbs every single detail of the sensory experiences outside them. It’s like a person whom you’ve told a joke about in the morning, and they will still laugh about it in the night. Those lines show that every single detail of him internalizing sensory experiences into his internal self, attaching personal sentiments due to his parents when they were going to Port Brilehaven, not just remembering the past. This also applies to the time where he remembered travelling alongside Will in the carriage.

In comparison to an ENFJ, Ni is a function that relies on the unconscious. It produces unconscious images imaging the future that pertain to what’s happening right now. They are also big-picture thinkers who have a subjective plan at hand. Think about Louis who is an ENTJ. He has a grand plan of turning everyone into humans for the sake of equality. In comparison to Strohl, he is more focused on trying to rebuild his past glory and the old ruined cities, instead of making a long-term plan that revolutionizes the whole country.

At the end of the game, he reminisces about meeting Will in the recruitment center, and he states that he still sees the same about him. There’s just a lot of moments in the game where he constantly uses Si without even trying hard to remember about his past events whether it is about his traumas or not. An ENFJ would literally try harder to internalize and imagine the inner sensations that they experienced, since they have trickster Si. Their Ni-Se would push those away to make plans for the future.

Extroverted Intuition (Ne):

He came up with the idea that they should bring a person’s head instead of a monster when he knew that there are bounties that are people too. Everyone else had the same idea when he thought out of the box. Based on his past knowledge, he inferred that bounties also include criminals, hence he proposed the idea of bringing a head of a criminal in the competition to sway the audience. Another moment when he noticed that the Drakodios negated the protective magla by associating it with the king’s magic. He already knew that fact, and his intuition was triggered by external objects in reality that was happening at the moment. He even tested the lance and said that this changes everything about the situation.

In one quest, he wants to see what other possibilities the ring has by urging Will to wear it, since he remembered that the ring has a sketchy backstory. Based on Carl Jung, extroverted intuition always seeks new possibilities through seeking on what can be done in an object. It looks out for opportunities that can be done. An Ni user would just assume automatically that the ring shouldn’t be worn due to its dubious history.

Aside from the serious things he does with Ne, he also likes to reply with comebacks and make jokes about things that a Ni-Se user would have a harder time conjuring up with.

Conclusion:

So here’s the thing, Strohl doesn’t even try hard to remember his past experiences, as he constantly makes references about his past, while they’re just doing the most mundane tasks at hand. An ENFJ would be more likely to talk about the future since Ni is their auxiliary function. Literally when even doing the laundry he just casually brings up how much he is a master of laundry, as well as mentioning his parents phrases and values in it. His goals have also changed in his bond, as well as having trouble realizing his own ideals. This signals that he has trickster Ni in his stack, since he doesn’t think about his long-term goals. This concludes my argument for him. I will add more comments if I continue to find more evidence of him being an ESFJ.

References:

Wikipedia. (2024, November, 3). Jungian cognitive functions. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungian_cognitive_functions

Sharp, D. (1987). PERSONALITY TYPES: Jung’s Model of Typology. Wayback Machine. https://web.archive.org/web/20190722141945/http://innercitybooks.net/pdf/books/personalitytypes.pdf

[girlfromflor]

56 DAYS (sjy) | PREQUEL

pairing: enemie!jake x fem!reader | part one

summary: after your best friend jay made you share an apartment with jake – “the guy you don’t like” –, you have to decide whether you should or not give into the feelings he makes you experience, something possibly pleasant and definitely memorable.

genre: "enemies" (reader is in denial) to lovers, accidental roommates, summer love, also has a bit of angst

warnings: none except tension, a bit of angst and bestfriend!jay (yes, he's a warning himself), its mentioned that reader likes to be alone

wc: 1532 | playlist: 56 days.

a/n: this works like a prequel, i guess. also english is not my first language, let me know if there are any mistakes, please? tell me if you wanna be tagged in the sequel♡

sharing an apartment with a man is quite an experience. with your best friend jay it’s not at all simple and with his best friend jake it’s even less so. jay can be both an angel and a demon when he wishes and you can bet he really wanted to this time. a couple of weeks after you two started living together, he decided he would travel to his hometown. and you wonder how he could run away at the first opportunity he got. well, it’s not like he’s moving out. however, spending your summer break in another country when your best friend needs help and support is not exactly the best way to prove yourself as a nice roommate – or an exemplary best friend, for that matter. jay always been a present and honest friend with you, you could always rely on him for all the things you needed. although, it was constantly obvious he didn’t support how you lived your love life, according to him you “don’t know how to enjoy what life has to offer”.

ever since you graduated high school and started college he keeps bugging you to go on a date with one of his closest friends, jake. you, on the other hand, had an impenetrable reluctance when it came to this certain topic. you had met jake through jay, who met him at college. you didn’t know much about jake’s life, except the fact that he shared majors with jay. you did have a strong opinion about his personality though and you could describe it in three main ways: he is incorrigible, absolutely cocky and totally enchanted by you – apparently, at least. that’s what he demonstrated every time you both met and maybe it was for that exact same reason that you made it so explicitly clear you didn’t like him. which is a total and complete lie. you have nothing against him, if anything you think he is considerably funny and somewhat intriguing. handsome for sure and even a bit attractive, on a day you were feeling generous. the problem is that he:

doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up;

is exhaustively insistent;

wants you really, really, really bad.

and jay knows the latter very well. so much so that he would always say a thing or two just to test the waters and see if your opinion of jake had changed. to see if there was any remote chance you would admit that, deep down, you liked jake’s mischievous and flirtatious ways even just a little bit. which you did, but it wasn’t like you were ever letting them know, especially when you were so used to being alone – being so used to wanting to be alone made it hard to think of him anything other than a nuisance. although, with the way jay talked about how jake thought you were just so cute you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have him for yourself. jay knew you weren’t going to let jake any close to you, since he felt how hesitant you were about people in general. he felt like he had to do his magic and, for both his friends' happiness, he took matters into his own hands.

the first time you’ve realized that jay tried, in a not-so-subtle way, to throw you at jake was at one of the first parties you attended after you entered college. after a few – many – cups, jay was very happy and more than ready to put his cupid abilities into action. with everyone gathered in a circle that looked more like a square and five rounds after an unorganized “truth or dare” had begun, jay knew it was time to test your patience – real hard. 

“dearest best friend, truth or dare?” his drunken voice, a bit more high-pitched than usual, could be heard and you, without really thinking where this would lead to, answered, “dare, jay.”

it was too late to back away and it took you a while to take in everything that unraveled next. when you came to your senses, you were already being locked in with a disoriented looking jake, who had just been dragged from the makeshift dance floor to the bathroom you would share for the following seven minutes. jake released a laugh that was a mix of disbelief and pure amusement. although he had talked jay’s ear off about how pretty he thought you were and that he would never deny a kiss of yours, he didn’t really expect something to happen. he didn’t expect jay to make you two meet at the party, let alone in such a specific way. but he wouldn’t waste this opportunity in a thousand years. it had been weeks since he accidentally ran into you in the college hallways while looking for jay, who was conveniently walking next to you. that was when jay introduced you two and since then, jake hadn’t been able to get you out of his head. “hey there, pretty,” he said, still smiling.

“why are you laughing, huh?” you asked, clearly uncomfortable at having to share such a small space with someone you barely knew, but deep down grateful that that someone was jake – because despite it being an embarrassing situation, you trusted that he would never hurt you.

“it’s nothing…” he answered you, but that wasn’t going to do it. so he felt obligated to add up an almost inaudible “i’m just happy… that you’re here.” 

and you sighed, pissed off by how easily that simple phrase managed to get to you. “shut up, jake.” sounding low-key aggressive and rolling your eyes, you pressed your back against the door and carried on, “don’t treat me like that, i won't fall for your charms.”

he faked being completely offended, his eyes comically widened and his hand exaggeratedly splaying over his chest, right over his heart. “do you think i'm trying to charm you? me of all people?” though after his little act of innocence he went back to having that smug look on his face and added, “i think you’re too conceited, pretty.” his feet moved to slowly approach you and you immediately regretted the position you chose to stay in, because now you were cornered. his hands moved up to support themselves against the door, one on each side of your head and since you had no way out, you tried your best not to look at his inviting mouth – the one that looked way too kissable for his own good and that was getting closer and closer. 

“and just how well do you know me to state that? nearly nothing, right?” you spoke, but your voice was nothing more than a whisper. a small pout formed on your lips, out of pure spite for not wanting to stay there with him much longer, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself. you wanted to kiss him, you needed that.

jake, on the other hand, seemed like he was having the time of his life. your body was contradicting every word you ever said and he wanted so badly to tease you, just a little bit more. just enough to make you give in to your obvious wishes. “oh princess, don’t talk to me like that. if you haven’t noticed, that’s exactly what i'm trying to do here…” one of his hands left the door to play with a loose strand of your hair and your whole body tensed. “you know? trying to get to know you better… but you won’t help me.” and you could feel his warm breath on your cheek. that was it, you were going to kiss jake at that very moment and not an inch in your body seemed to be against it.

only, you didn’t kiss. much to the boy’s dismay – and, secretly, yours too – you were interrupted. the sound of the key unlocking the door was deafening in the deep silence that had hung between you both. jake felt pure anger bubble up inside him at the missed opportunity. you looked around the room, flustered, trying to compose yourself as if you were guilty of something that didn’t even happen and jake backed away from you, even though his whole body begged otherwise. jay’s voice was a very needed welcome and you managed to release a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding. as you turned your back on jake and left the room in a hurry, you lightly caressed your heart over your shirt, in a failed attempt to try and soothe it’s uncontrollable rhythm. jake was left speechless and slightly out of breath, trying really hard not to run after you as he glared jay.

but jay was too curious to notice, eagerly asking “dude, what happened? you look like you ran a marathon…”

jake only sighed, then he spoke, “nothing happened. like, literally nothing…” and as he softly pushed past jay, he tried to ignore the annoying ache in his heart, forcing himself to think that there was nothing to worry about, this wasn’t the end yet – ‘i will have another chance’, that’s all that went through his mind.

[sunflowergraves]

Unpacking Will Solace’s Character

I’ve seen a lot of Will Solace hate since TSATS and it’s really starting to bother me. As a person that relates heavily to Will’s character, it’s upsetting to see him get bashed across the internet, especially considering we’ve never actually gotten to know his character. Personally, I feel like a lot of people are basing his character around headcanons and fanfiction (which I am guilty of) and were disappointed when he wasn’t who we saw him as. 

It doesn’t help that the only time we got to see Will’s POV it was short and through the eyes of others. He’s also not this big hero like all the characters in the PJO universe. His powers aren’t that strong, he’s not a prophecy child, and his talents are mediocre. Will is the most human demigod we’ve ever been introduced to. I can understand why his character doesn’t feel multi-dimensional compared to everyone else, but in my opinion, he was fleshed out very well. 

Yes, there are a few things I was disappointed by. I wish they talked about Will’s past more and his grief over his dead siblings. I wanted him to have his own weapon, even if it was an old bow he never used or a lyre like Apollo used in TOA. But I will always love that they changed him from the calm, collected counselor healer to an anxious, depressed, self-doubting person because it fits him so well. How could he not feel these things after losing friends and family? After being abandoned by everyone around him? Or being forced to take on the caretaker role of the entire camp because he was the only one left? 

I’m going to continue this down below, so if you don’t want major spoilers for TSATS, don’t continue reading. Also this is long as hell in case you just want to skim. 

Every time Will was mentioned in the books, it was from someone else’s POV and it was a few lines at best. 

Will has always been described as the cool, relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of guy. He was the person with a level head and knew exactly what to do. But guess what? Underneath that cool exterior was an anxiety riddled people pleaser who threw himself at every problem because that’s what he was told to do. The Apollo cabin was always the head medic team. After Lee and Michael died, Will was basically thrust into that position of power. He was trusted to take care of his younger siblings, trusted to take care of the entire camp. If he let them down, it was going to cost lives. Of course he’s going to be scared and nervous, but he can’t show that. Would you want a doctor with shaky hands and sweat running down their neck? Would you want to be taken care of by a person who doubted and second guessed themselves out in the open? 

As someone who was given a lot of responsibly and forced to grow up at a young age, I completely understand this. You want to try to make everything better for others around you, you get scared when you fuck up, and you HATE when people can’t rely on you. That’s why you will never show how scared you are to fuck up. You will never let people get inside your head because if they can’t rely on you, what good are you? Breaking out of the role that everyone else gave you because they trusted you is scary and hard. 

Nico is probably the only person who knows what Will really thinks. Will trusts Nico with his anxiety and overthinking because he’s comfortable enough around him to show that side. He knows he doesn’t have to Mr. Hero in front of Nico and that’s such a precious and important bond to make with someone. 

Will was valid for being whiny and irritated for most of the book. 

First, Will has ANXIETY. If you don’t know what it’s like to live with anxiety, count yourself lucky. It feels like your thoughts are attacking you constantly. It’s like an uphill battle between rational thought and absolute chaos. I can’t get in my car without thinking of all the ways I could die before I buckle my seatbelt. Imagine going to SuperHell for the first time in your life! Not only that, but people told Will constantly that as a child of Apollo he was basically fucked. The three strongest demigods that made it back almost went insane! Of course Will is going to be upset, irrational, irritated, and uncomfortable. 

In TOA, he voiced several times how he thought it was a bad idea and that he really didn’t like it. This is not a new thing for Will’s character at all. For him to be willing to cross a line he had made concrete shows that he loves and cares for Nico. But that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable. 

Second, for anyone saying he could have stayed at camp instead of going has never sacrificed their comfort for someone else. There are so many instances in my life where I went way out of my comfort zone because I knew my friends/family wanted me there. Did I complain? Hell yes. Did I still do it? Hell yes! If Will had said, “Nico, I can’t do this and I refuse to at least try,” I would have lost so much respect for his character. Instead he sucked it up, even when he was already practically dying before they got there. 

Three, Will was worried about Nico. He’s never experienced Tartarus, he’s never been to the Underworld. While Will has definitely faced his share of demons, he’s never stood in Nico’s shoes. So when his boyfriend is having vivid nightmares and hearing voices, he’s going to try and rationalize it for Nico because that’s what he has done his entire life. Will is the “healer.” He is supposed to fix things, not let them traipse off to hell like it’s a vacation spot. 

Four, this is a 15 year old. Fuck, even now at the ripe ole age of 20, I’d still be shaking in my boots terrified at the thought of going somewhere that is practically a jailhouse for the worst creatures in creation. Will has little to no experience on the field (He ran from six guards without even trying to pull out a weapon. The worst thing he’s ever said to his enemies was “anemic loser” and didn’t even want to kill Octavian. Every battle before that he had an older sibling to look up to and care for him). So yeah, I’d just be a tad bit nervous and annoying.  

Will asking Persephone how to love someone from the Underworld was honest and raw. 

This scene broke me in ways I can’t even describe because of how real it felt. If you’ve ever been in a deep and caring relationship (friendship counts) you should understand. Like Persephone said, love is something you choose and it’s complicated and messy even for people who were practically made for each other. For Will to ask how to love someone from the Underworld shows that he is actively choosing to understand and love Nico. 

I get that most people interpret Will’s lines as “How do you love someone so filled with death?” but really he’s asking how do you love someone who acts like he doesn’t want to be loved? How do you love someone that pulls away from your light no matter how desperately you try to give it them? How do you love someone who hides parts of themselves from you? 

Will is a healer, he fixes things. It’s not until this scene that Will realizes the only thing Will needs to fix is his perspective on Nico. That darkness and hurt and trauma is okay. It’s also a scene where Will realizes he doesn’t have to force down his own trauma anymore. 

Will loves Nico and it’s so obvious he scared to lose him. He thinks he’s weak and broken and incapable of helping Nico escape his trauma. His insecurities shadow him and he’s confused about how to navigate this relationship because he thinks he needs to be the leader. How can he lead if Nico won’t let him? How can he help when he doesn’t know how? Persephone’s scene was Will’s chance of finding guidance from someone who could understand exactly what he’s thinking

People in their late 40′s still can’t get relationships down. Why are we pushing unrealistic relationship ideations on a 15 year old who doesn’t even know who he is yet?

Will was not useless. 

Sorry that the relationship duo isn’t Mr. Badass and Mr. Badass 2.0. Will not being a fighter is refreshing to see because honestly I’m quite tired of seeing badass couples in every book/movie. Not everyone is strong and powerful and super awesome. Will is a nerd that likes healing people. Why isn’t that enough? 

“He’s described as having muscles,” “He’s a field/combat medic,” “He fought in the wars,” “He carries people all the time,” “He trains with the Apollo cabin.” Okay and? I was raised to work hard and protect myself. I work out and I know how to use a bow and knife. Does that mean I want to? No. 

I’d also like to point out that almost everyone in camp is described as having muscles. You kind of have to when your life motto is Try not to die or get eaten. Also they train on lava walls, jump eight foot pits, and weapons. I get a little bit of muscle going on my silly little walks, I’d be fucking jacked if I was actively training. 

Second, Will has never once been described fighting monsters/demigods. I don’t doubt that he’s had a few encounters, but the boy practically specializes in RUNNING AWAY. He’s a feral little animal that finds injured demigods and sprints them away to the medic center while occasionally bashing monster heads in. He’s strong because he needs to be, not because he wants to be. Strength also doesn’t equal battle prowess. 

Not to mention, he hates killing! He didn’t want to kill Octavian despite Octavian being the actual worst. He runs away as a distraction even though he had weapons on him. He got upset when Nico threw Sherman Yang out of the chariot in TOA. Monsters are different, but monsters are also scary. Will is terrified of demon pigeons, you really think he’s willingly gonna go one-on-one with anything bigger than his pinky? 

I’ll admit, I hated that he didn’t have a weapon in Tartarus. I thought it was really stupid and out-of-character because my anxious ass would have loaded up. Still, it was kind of funny when they described Will bashing rocks over monster’s heads during their fight with Nyx. 

My final point for this: Will was Nico’s support system and that was the point. Will knew he wasn’t going to throw hands with anyone. He went because he knew Nico needed him even when Nico told him to stay. Will was going to trek through SuperHell with the love of his life and hold his hand to remind him that he was loved. Will wanted Nico to know that he’d literally go to Hell and back for him and that’s what mattered. 

Nico didn’t ask Will to be the Hero. Nico states several times that the reason he loves Will is because he wants to heal and he’s so stubborn to find the good in everything. And that’s exactly what Will did. He offered support, care, and reminders. He was going to understand and love Nico, even through the darkest parts of his life. 

Will is one of the best support systems in a PJO couple duo. 

It makes me incredibly sad to see people call Will toxic when he gave his entire life to support Nico. I won’t deny that he complained a lot and said hurtful things and that he occasionally belittles Nico’s feelings. But Will didn’t know he was doing those things. He thought he was helping Nico navigate his PTSD. How is someone who is still emotionally developing his own character supposed to know how to take care of someone else’s? 

Will also clearly showed love and affection towards Nico. He met all his friends and was polite to them even when they looked scary. Will risked his life several times before they got to Tartarus and still insisted on continuing. Built a Minecraft house for his boyfriend and left him a KitKat bar because he knew he would feel fatigued (also Will brought KitKat bars, meaning he was already thinking of Nico’s health beforehand). He tried to be useful by scouting ahead because he felt like he was being a burden on Nico. He kissed him, called him silly nicknames, hugged him, respected his boundaries (asking to hold him instead of trying to comfort him immediately), and oh yeah, went to Tartarus when he was obviously quaking in his flipflops. 

He also helped Bob when he had no idea who/what he was, comforted Nico when he was beginning to lose hope, acknowledged his mistakes and admitted he needed to try harder, realized he didn’t need to fix Nico and that his boyfriend was perfect the way he was, and learned that Nico wasn’t going to leave him. 

Love is complicated. Love is something you choose. And Will chooses to love Nico. Also for everyone saying a year is long enough to learn/realize these problems already and have them solved, you need to take the rose tinted glasses off. I’ve been with my partner for almost four years, and I’m still learning things about our relationship. We argue, we don’t always meet eye-to-eye. Our own trauma and experiences surface and it gets difficult. But do we just call it quits and throw everything into the trash? No. We talk, we problem-solve, we come back and try to understand each other even if we don’t know how to do that. A year is nothing. A year is puppy love and excitement. It’s like your favorite movie on repeat. All the problems are ignored because you don’t want to see them yet. 

So for a pair of 15 year old's who just came to terms with their sexuality, I think that they are doing pretty damn good at this love thing. 

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Even though we’ve had Will for years, we’ve never gotten to know his true character until now. It’s raw and weird and doesn’t fit the mold of Will Solace, son of Apollo we all created him to be. You can still hate his character or whatever, I’m not going to try to change your mind. But don’t hate on everyone else who loves him and loves this book. 

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

[syoddeye]

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

because i can't be Normal, here are 11 mini moodboards + blurbs lmao. thank you canva. some of the photos are low res, that's my b.

disclaimer: this is clearly for fun. i don't want to hear about how wrong i am lol.

Price: Maybe this is because the strong visuals from Ursa Major by @the-californicationist is rotting my brain (affectionate), but my favorite dude likes workwear and high quality clothing. I don't think he prioritizes fashion, but at the same time, he puts on Hard Pants whenever he leaves the house because you never know who he might meet! (You. At the store. Where he gets that pesky can of whatever off the top shelf for you.) Need to commission an artist to draw him as Tom Selleck.

Rudy: Inspired by Bayardo. Rudy likes moto style, worn-in/lived-in clothing, and cleans up real nice. I could see him gravitating more color and knit button downs/polo shirts. I didn't include much western/cowboy stuff, but I imagine Alejandro's aesthetic rubbing off on Rudy since they've known each other for decades.

Ghost: To no one's surprise, his favorite color is black. But, he wouldn't wear clothes that draw even more attention. He's already a big fella, I just don't see him trying to stand out on purpose. He favors darker neutrals, layers, regular cloth or paper face masks, and workwear. Pretty plain aesthetic. Just a Guy™.

Kate: "Sy, that's a lot of Gillian Anderson." AND? What about it? Anyway, I think younger!Kate saw If These Walls Could Talk 2 and emulated Amy's (Chloë Sevigny) style for a number of years. I think with her work and maturation of style, her style is more utilitarian/streamlined, but when she dresses up, ooh baby. Some of Maya Erskine's outfits in the new Mr. and Mrs. Smith show also scream Kate to me. Obviously we have a vest outfit here, because if there is one thing lesbians love, it's utility. /jk

Nik: Similar to Price in that he values clothes that can hold up under normal-to-heavy use. Every outfit does have to highlight a chain. My guy is probably sitting on a small mountain of money, too, but the clothes he picks for himself are unlabeled.

Ale: He's a smooth operator 🎶 No, but to me he's like Soap - Alejandro knows he's good-looking. He has the range and the confidence to pull off most anything. I think similar to Rudy, I imagine him leaning more towards moto aesthetics, with more cowboy/western vibes. Not afraid of color. Lest we forget, he owns a ranch, so throw in workwear, too. Tucked in shirts, belt buckles. Another minor point of inspo is Donald Glover from Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Gaz: It's coincidence two photos contains glasses BUT I think in my dream world, Gaz dresses the way Elliot Knight's stylist dresses him. Which is to say wonderfully. Gaz tends toward neutrals, pieces that are easy to layer, and can fit into more than one look. He's probably somewhat up on fashion and style, not obsessed, but aware of what he looks good in. Not afraid to chat up a sales associate for help.

Soap: He knows he's nice to look at. He knows his arms are drool-worthy. The moment the weather's pleasant enough, he's sleeveless. I also know he probably dgaf about fashion but let's feed my delusions. Streetwear, athleisure - He's got to be able to move freely, feel comfortable, and show off his build.

Farah: Ignore the bags lol. If anything, she's carrying something crossbody and functional. Anyway, Farah's a leader and has been from too young of an age. I think this translates to how she carries herself and what she wears, yeah? I think she aligns with Soap+Gaz+Ale in the Can Wear Anything group. My soft as fuck HC is that Price gave her a few band shirts at some point in time.

Alex: Generally aware of what he looks good in. He relies on his more fashion inclined friends and loved ones to send him ideas or buy him clothes outright because he does not go out of his way to shop. He constantly wears that a single jacket he got One compliment on it six years ago. Like Ghost, he's Just a Guy™. A very handsome one.

Valeria: She's a business woman, right? 👀 Valeria's aesthetic is a mixture of all black everything/glam/utilitarian but make it fashion. In my deepest of dreams, her fashion style is more fluid, and she eats up everything she wears. Again, kind of falling into the idea that confidence makes any style possible on her.

character ask game questions here!

[valtsv]

honestly as much as i try not to pathologize my behaviors having the words "psychosis" and "delusions" and feeling like i have a legitimate claim to them had helped me a lot to cope with those things. like about a year ago i was convinced that i was a horrible evil person incapable of meaningful human connection because i couldn't help but think that everyone was lying to me constantly about everything regardless of how logical it would be for them to do so or how close we were, even if we were friends i trusted and had known for years (like, even someone saying "i went to the store today" or "i slept well" would make me think "okay but what if they're lying and just saying that and actually they're just trying to get you to let your guard down and confess everything"). i regularly get episodes where i'm convinced i'm being followed and monitored constantly and that my dad/the government/a vague but malicious figure or agency has installed recording equipment in my house and bugged all my devices. i lost nearly a month to amnesia when i started university during which i believed i had been attending classes only to discover that the notes i thought i remembered taking didn't exist, and when asked to explain myself i had no answer (fortunately they could tell that my confusion and distress were genuine and didn't kick me out). i became convinced i was being haunted after becoming hyperfixated on a major historical disaster and was unable to shower without clothes on or sleep properly for weeks because i felt like ghosts were watching me and following me everywhere i went, silently judging me and how i lived. and without the words "delusions" and "hallucinations" and "psychosis" to describe my experiences, i was terrified. i had no idea what was happening to me or who i could turn to for help. i couldn't even rely on myself. but now i have those words i have an anchor that keeps me from completely losing my mind even when i'm deep in an episode. a part of me knows that because i experience delusional episodes, if i just hold on and try to keep that possibility in mind, things might get better again. i might be able to get a reality check, or the symptoms might improve. it's not a perfect fix of course, but it helps.

[rabbithaver]

i finally decided to actually write out some of my major headcanons for Silver. i like him a lot as a character and i think people overlook him too much lmao

I genuinely believe that Silver has been decoupled from the timeline completely. This means that changes to the future made in the present do not affect him. He may not remember the specific events of 06, but he absolutely remembers growing up in an apocalypse and frequently has lines that support this in the comics. Him being unaffected by changes to the timeline explains why his personal history has not changed, despite the future being saved multiple times. ALSO, Ian Flynn has confirmed that Silver is not in control of when or how he travels through time -- I believe that whatever or whoever is sending him back and forth is the same thing that separated him from the timeline.

Silver is deaf, pushing about 70% hearing loss. It's not congenital -- his hearing sucks because he's from a timeline where things blew up constantly and he had no hearing protection. He relies mostly on lip-reading and guesswork, but wants to learn ASL when he gets a chance... if he gets the chance. Time is wibbly-wobbly for him. (I should note that this one is personal to me -- I myself am HoH due to otosclerosis and I'm definitely projecting my declining hearing on him lmao)

I know Silver is canonically the exact same height and weight as Shadow and Silver, but I personally don't find that very... likely. All three of these dudes are 3'3" and 77lbs EXACTLY? Nah. Shadow and Sonic, maybe, but not Silver. I headcanon Silver as being smaller and lighter than the other hedgehogs because he grew up in a timeline where food was hard to find, and thus didn't grow as much. He's very scrawny and basically has almost no meat on his bones, but you'd never guess because he's got The Fluff.

Elaborating on the food thing: his relationship with eating is probably totally screwed. Think about it: he spent his whole youth eating whatever he could get his hands on, and he probably had to eat as quickly as he could so he could stay on the move. The idea of eating to enjoy the flavor is like, completely alien to him. He also tends to stash food away for later, as he's not used to knowing when his next meal will be. He does it entirely out of habit, even when food is abundant.

Silver's immune system probably sucks. Every time he goes back to the past, he catches some illness. This is largely because he's not used to the pathogens 200 years earlier, but I also like to imagine this is because he's got some sort of autoimmune disorder.

You cannot tell me this boy does not have asthma. I am aware that this is kind of a fandom in-joke, but it makes total sense. If he grew up in a world of smoke and flames, his lungs probably look like burnt toast. Someone get him an inhaler please.

Silver has PTSD and severe anxiety, both due to his personal history growing up in a hellscape and also because repeatedly going back to the future to find his time in disarray due to events in the present is probably traumatic as all hell. His biggest trigger is most likely building collapse, but I can't imagine he doesn't have kind of a hard time with explosions after the Eggman War. His cheerful optimism and helpful attitude is his effort to deflect from his trauma.

Expanding on the anxiety thing; Silver struggles when he doesn't have something to do. We actually see this in canon in the 2022 Annual story "Future Growth." He has no idea how to function when he doesn't have a mission to focus on. Being in the past with no clear directive is insanely triggering for him and he totally fails to cope.

While I'm talking about his mental illnesses, I want to make it explicitly clear: he is REALLY good at hiding this stuff. His friends in the Resistance/Restoration don't find out about his issues for years, and this is specifically because he instinctually hides anything that could be perceived as a weakness. He's been conditioned to hide any and all weaknesses because it was the only way to survive in the post-apocalypse. Being visibly affected by your trauma is a quick and easy way to get dead, so he simply... doesn't. This kid cannot stop masking his trauma at all until he's literally at his breaking point.

There is no way he doesn't have intense Survivors' Guilt. Going back to the Metal Virus arc in the comics, he's the only survivor of a shuttle crash in Issue #25. All of those people died. They actually died - if they were zombots, they would've survived that crash, but because they were still healthy, they didn't have the ability to recover. Silver probably feels that because he was trying so hard to get survivors to the shuttle, he led those people to their deaths. I specifically am pointing to his dialogue here as evidence of this:

He probably dreads going back to the future. Like, think about it. He's admitted to being lonely (IDW #8) in his own time -- probably because his history separates him from the average person! The only friends he really has are in the past, the vast majority of whom are likely long dead by the time he's born. And while his friends are always happy to see him, I can imagine he has a lot of anxiety thinking about the fact that they inevitably start to associate his arrival with something bad coming down the line. That's rough, buddy.

He's very proud of his ruff and he takes really good care of it. It's super thick and very soft. However, when he's having a rough time, he's not as thorough, and it tends to show. If you know him really well, you can get an idea of his current mental health just by looking at the state of his chest fur. A happy Silver is fluffy, a struggling Silver looks like he was left in the washing machine.

Silver has a really hard time with media that involves apocalyptic worlds. He knows that it's just fiction, but it reminds him of the fact that he's the only one who remembers the apocalyptic hellscape he grew up in. It reminds him that as much as his friends want to support him, they can't truly understand what he's been through; his background is only real to him. It just leaves him feeling lonely and sad, so he avoids it as much as possible.

Silver doesn't sleep well in real beds. Maybe it's just a lifetime of growing up surrounded by an apocalypse, but he has a really hard time getting comfortable in a real bed. For months during the Eggman War, he'd spend hours tossing and turning before finally giving up and curling up on the floor in a corner. It's just not what he's used to at all.

anyway i think about him a normal amount :)

[sekhithefops]

Anyone who tells a queer person "Just Move to a Better State" doesn't get it.

So, as some of you know I've got an account on Bluesky, one of the social media websites that arose from the ashes after Elon Musk completely fucked up Twitter beyond how fucked it was even on it's worst day.

Recently I shared this article, hoping to spread some good news to my fellow members of the LGBTQA+ community:

And some smarmy jackass replied with this:

Yeah... anyone who says this is an asshole who doesn't get the realities of these situations.

I grew up in Kentucky. Yes, the state where Mitch "the Lich" McConnell was spawned (we're trying to get rid of him but that asshole hid his phylactery really good okay?) As some of you might guess, my own home state has issues with people who try to push these sorts of laws.

I've been told by others, in the past, to just move to a better state.

I tried it once infact, I moved from the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (I lived right on the border between Ohio and Kentucky at the time) to another city where I was going to live with a gay couple I met online who were friends with my, at the time, partner.

... you probably see where this is going already, but I'll continue.

The city definitely had a good LGBTQA+ presence, but here's the thing. I stayed there only six months before all but fleeing back to Kentucky.

Why?

Several reasons.

NOBODY wanted to hire "the new kid in town." I had a horrible time finding a job that would satisfy my roommate. They knew I had only worked retail in the past and, at the time, had no college under my belt at all. I tried getting jobs in multiple places. I tried getting hired on as a 911 operator, at several higher end stores, and such. You know where I wound up working? A shitty little Circle K station. It was the ONLY place that would hire me and paid a pittance. I could barely help with bills at all.

My roommate was a judgemental asshole. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, "Just because someone is part of a minority doesn't mean they can't also be a small minded prick." One of my roommates judged me for EVERYTHING. Nothing I did was good enough, and if he found out something he didn't like he would hang it over my head and never stop giving me shit for it. I hated it. I hated it within weeks of arriving but I didn't want to leave because that would be 'admitting defeat' or some bullshit (it was ten years ago, I forget exactly how I justified it.)

I had to give up all the friends and family I had in the move. The part of the country I moved to was a place that I had never been before. I had no friends there, I had no family there. All I had to rely on was my two roommates. One of them clearly didn't want an extra roommate but went along with it because his boyfriend wanted it (I feel bad for him these days,) the other one... see item 2. This also leads into item four...

Because I had no friends and family there, I had no safety net. Asshole roommate constantly reminded me if I didn't get a 'better job' (and good luck to me on that given the circumstances) I'd be out on my ass, in a totally unfamiliar city. I had no help there besides them and he knew it, and he held that over me every chance he got.

Finally, after six months, I managed to move back in with my mother in Kentucky. This story does have a happy ending though. I wound up splitting up with my at the time partner (who in hindsight really wasn't a good match for me, though I hear they're doing much better these days,) and it was the wake up call I needed to get some college education. That didn't go great, but having even partial college on a resume helped me get a job that was far FAR better than retail work which I've held for over five years now.

I realized too that while Kentucky isn't great on progressiveness as a whole... the part of the state I'm from actually is. We're part of the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (which basically means "if it wasn't for state lines we'd just be part of Cincinnati") and there's actually a really big LGBTQA+ community around here. These days I see Pride bumper stickers everywhere, and there's several houses nearby with Pride flags as well.

In Kentucky. Yes, that Kentucky.

But my point is... even assuming a person CAN move, it doesn't mean that it'll fix everything. In my case those six months were absolutely hellish despite living with a queer couple in a major city. My life only improved AFTER I moved back to Deep-in-the-Red-State Kentucky. Because the part I'm in has a good community, I have friends and family who support me, I have a good job here, and I have a good life here in spite of what some idiot in the state capitol is up to.

In closing, I have this to say: If you hear someone talking about queer issues in their home state and your first instinct is to tell them to just move to California or New York or some other state... just shut the hell up.

[schizoid-culture-is]

More on the pwSzPD x pwBPD topic: I'm questioning if I have SzPD, and whether or not I do in terms of diagnosis, I have basically all the symptoms and thought processes. I've had a high number of pwBPD in my life, I'm pretty sure 9 total now.

I agree with what someone else said about our calm and unemotional disposition being comforting for pwBPD. I've heard from a lot of pwBPD that they feel judged by others but not me. I think part of it comes from the fact that pwBPD read into a lot of reactions, and since I don't have many, there's less things to trigger them.

However, sometimes these relationships can be exhausting for me, because the pwBPD needs a lot of validation, especially verbal validation like enthusiasm and compliments, and I'm just not able to give that. Also, they can blow up on small things, and I don't really know how to apologise since I wouldn't blow up even if someone slapped me in the face, and I have super low empathy.

(TW for abuse) I've also had multiple (4) pwBPD abuse me emotionally and sometimes physically. I think some of my schizoid symptoms started getting a lot worse during one of these periods, since some of the abuse relied on isolation tactics and scrutinising my reactions/emotions. (TW over)

This is a really interesting concept to me, since my biological father has BPD and I always thought that so many pwBPD came into my life because of that, but I'm starting to think maybe not, and maybe it's more evidence towards me possibly being schizoid.

Currently my closest friend is a pwBPD who I've known for over a year. They actually were interested in me romantically (still are?) but I'm not interested in dating at all. We still have a positive relationship, it can become a little suffocating at times since they constantly want to buy me gifts and food, and sometimes put long paragraphs trying to comfort or show affection to me, but I know it comes from a good place. They were actually the first person to tell me they thought I was schizoid. And it doesn't hurt that the plushies they buy me are cute and help me when I'm feeling super numb.

Sorry this is so gosh darn long. I just discovered your blog, it's incredible because all of this stuff are the "feelings"/experiences I've had since about 10-11 years old. Even though I've had some not so good experiences with pwBPD, two major characters of a story I'm writing have SzPD and BPD respectively and are close friends and potentially one-sided romance (BPD -> <3 -> SzPD). Though it's in a mostly healthy way, where they help each other heal from trauma.

Thank you for reading this monster of a post, I love your blog!

Its interesting to see someone bring up one experience they have, and then multiple other schizoids saying "This is me too!", thanks for this ask anon! And i'm glad to help people figure themselves out :]

[skaterfc]

Ooo what’s Niki up to in your rewrite? Does she still join the syndicate?

How perfect to follow the Jack Manifold question!! :D

Yes, she still joins the Syndicate, and the Syndicate even has a bigger cast of members this time around! But eventually, in the epilogue of the story basically, she sort of retires from the syndicate and goes to live in Snowchester.

At first, in her Team Rocket mindset and her post-doomday mental heath crisis, joining the syndicate is great for her mental health. Having people to rely on and that listen to her is really important to her and really helps this first stage of her character growth! She is still working on her underground city underneath Kinoko Kingdom with the hopes that one day all her friends will come down to live there with her. (i especially wanna say that this is totally a metaphor, at least in my version, for her wishing that people could be there with her in her bad mental state she could have people to relate to. But as a consequence would have the other people's mental health suffering as well. the best thing for her would be to leave the underground, but she couldn't see herself doing that, leaving to live with the syndicate. After all, when you are in the depths of depression and mental health crisis, you can't see a world where you are ever out of it).

Niki DOES NOT help to free Dream from prison. In fact the syndicate has no involvement with Dream's prison breakout, thats all Punz and Enderwalk!Ranboo. Then once dream does break out, as I said in the last post, he gets up to some SHIT and the server decides to form a rebellion to strike back at him!

When the syndicate allies with the Rebellion to take down dream, she moves into the underground area the rebellion is stationed out of. A side effect of this being that now she is constantly around the people that she sort of hates and used to be her best friends back in L'manburg. But this tight nit community, being around these people constantly, actually is the next big step to her healing arc. Where she is reminded that what she was searching for all this time was the community and sense of belonging that L'manburg gave her. In fact, this experience of her reconnecting with Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, and even cWilbur, encourages her to show some of the newer members who never got to see Golden-Age L'manburg what it was really like. This changes their perspectives becuase they always thought it was either like new L'manburg or worse and they never understood why these guys had so much devotion to it. But now they do! She also starts up a little bakery shop in this underground area and works to expand and decorate it to make it feel more home-y.

She's then later involved in 2 major battles against dream, as well as the final fight! And like I said, after the whole thing is said and done, She goes to live in snowchester with Tubbo, Jack and Puffy. (oh yeah, she's still dating puffy! though they prolly had some rocky moments with everything going on) To help once again foster that sense of community and be around people that care about her. She doesn't quit being apart of the syndicate though.

Thank you so much for the question!! Love getting to put my character knowledge to the works! If you think there is anything aggressively ooc in here, let me know! the rewrite is not technically finished yet and I want to make sure everything is sound as can be!

[o-sachi]

─── A Letter for @lumiambrose ✦

If you have received this, it means you signed up for Sachi's Selfship Event !

WIFEY. Thank you for being my first requester for this event, but thank you even more for being an amazing friend. You match my freak too much that it scares me sometimes /j. And you already know how much I adore Saemi. That's all. You know the rest. ILY <3

✉️ Attachment: ABCs with Sae Itoshi

[B] Best Quality Sae definitely admires your independent nature. He likes that you can be your own person as you go about your life and reach your own goals. It's an important quality for him because he needs a partner that can keep up with him as an equal rather than someone who will constantly rely on him. Sae also likes your work ethic. You're able to balance multiple things at once while still giving him time. He's a pretty busy dude as well, but he manages his time properly. I suppose it helps him feel like you're living at the same pace.

[C] Comfort He's not... really good with words and he lets you know that. Sometimes he does offer practical advice when you seem receptive of it. But in times that you simply need a shoulder to cry on, he'll be there for you. He might not speak much, but he'll hug you, hold your hand, and rub your back. He definitely gets you food to cheer you up as well. It surprises you sometimes how he's able to remember all your food preferences—even the ones that you only picked up recently. Similar with Rin, he gets you ice cream when you're down in the dumps or even when you're stressed out. Pretty much, Sae is a firm believer of actions over words.

[G] Gifts INSANE GIFT GIVER. Sae gives you gifts like it's nothing to him (it is nothing to him; he's rich, y'know). If he remembers your food preference, then best believe that he remembers every little thing that you point out to him. Show him a random piece of jewelry you found online? You'll find it on your nightstand a few days later. He's THAT type of guy. Of course, he has given you major gifts on your anniversary or on your birthday—stuff like rings and handbags. But he's also a frequent gifter—showering you with stuff every now and then (mostly clothes). His favorite gift that he received from you was a metal bracelet with a Spanish saying engraved on it's inner side.

[H] Hugs Truth be told, he'd rather hug it out than talk it out. Although, at first he wasn't a good hugger. He'd hug you back—stiff as a board—like you were just a buddy of his. But through time, he does get better. In fact, when you two are alone, more often than not he'll have you in his arms. Sae's also a big fan of back hugs. When you're standing up by the kitchen counter, he'll sneak up on you and wrap his arms around your waist. Or if you're sitting down (coding/playing Valorant again), he'll wrap his arms around your shoulders—asking you what's taking you so long. (Clingy sometimes, but won't admit it lol). Of course, this also applies to him being the big spoon and you the little spoon. We all know he has a thing for back(sides).

[I] Intimacy I know it's ironic since he's not much of a talker, but I feel like you achieve deeper connection by... talking. And it's not just the normal kind of conversation; it's more like the kind of conversation he'd only have with someone he trusts completely. It's the kind of conversation that he'd pour out his honest feelings. Sure, he'd still be using that same monotone voice, but you can tell that he's sharing things he wouldn't dare tell another soul. In short, showing each other your vulnerabilities is how you get closer. He takes romance VERY seriously. He isn't the type to get into flings. Knowing that you came out of a long-term relationship, Sae will make sure to do even better than your last. (He has an ego on him, what can I say?)

[J] Jealousy Oh boy... SO JEALOUS. He'll deny it and insist that there is not a single jealous bone in his body (liar). He tries to be subtle about it though, but he fails miserably. It starts off with the lingering death glares, then it proceeds to him asking several "innocent" questions. But if you confront him, he'll gaslight you because why would he be jealous when he's THE Sae Itoshi? It also pisses him a bit knowing that you would never reach his level of jealousy... not that he'd do anything to make you jealous in the first place.

Also the type to give you silent treatment if you act oblivious to it or make fun of him for being jealous...

[K] Kisses His kisses are usually quick, especially the ones in the morning before he leaves for practice or if you ask him for one. If you start whining about how that kiss was so "lame," he'll tease you by kissing you again with that same energy. But glare at him once and he'll sigh before pulling you in for a proper kiss. He's so stubborn and for what? He can be passionate if he wants to though. But I feel like you'd be a better kisser than him (sorry, Sae, just facts). He likes giving you forehead kisses though. When he does, then you know he missed you a lot.

[N] Nicknames He says petnames are for childish people. Oh, but watch him eat his words when he starts calling you "Amor". Apparently, it rolls off the tongue well, so you can't really blame him. It did come naturally though. Like one day he accidentally uttered that and decided to own up to it because he is not going to lose aura points right now.

"You know that's also a petname, right?" / "No it's not." / "..." / "It's not corny, so it doesn't count." / "Sure, whatever floats your boat."

Weirdly enough, he's fine if you call him anything though. Amor, love, baby, babe... actually, he's only fine with those. Anything else makes him cringe a bit.

[R] Rituals First thing that came to mind were your annual vacations. Well, you annually go out, but you do so multiple times in a year. You both enjoy travelling and experiencing different cultures, so why not do it together? It's an absolute must for you to travel on your birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines, Christmas, and other relevant holidays. He makes sure you travel first-class, of course. (Random thought, but I feel like he always posts a story of flutes of champagne on his flight... like wherever y'all are going.. soft launch vibes, y'know?).

[W] Wildcard He has a folder on his phone of just pictures of you (mostly funny faces and ones of you asleep because he's secretly a menace). He won't tell you that though. Also, when he has to make a "rare" post on his social media about you—like, say, a birthday greeting—he'll be typing and deleting over and over again because he can never come up with a caption that contains enough feelings, but not too much? Does that make sense? He's so prideful sometimes istg. But, deep down, he's so madly into you.

Thank you for participating. I hope you like it :3

Want to participate? Give this a read.

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.

[noodle-shenaniganery]

Hello, world. I had a story idea about two gay autistic people, and I figured I might as well share it on the gay autistic people website.

Alright. So:

1. The first character I want to talk about is Nolan. He is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and cerebral palsy (and potentially other stuff but that’s the main two). Nolan has mid-high support needs, is very minimally verbal, is an almost-full-time wheelchair user, and is not intellectually disabled (he actually has a slightly higher IQ than normal), although he is assumed to be by most people around him. He also has dark skin (he’s probably Black but it’s not as relevant to the story so I haven’t fully decided).

Nolan’s main issue is that he is tired of not being taken seriously by the people around him. He is constantly infantilized and even though he is almost an adult at the time of the main plot, he is treated like a toddler by the vast majority of people around him.

His parents, who are white and adopted him when he was very young (they have a little bit of a savior complex about it), are rather overbearing and don’t take well to any attempts by Nolan to communicate that, while he knows he needs a lot of help, he also needs space and to be allowed to be his own person. Overall, though, he’s kind of given up on trying to establish any control over his own life when the story starts.

2. The second character I want to talk about is Anthony. He is also autistic and also has ASPD, but was incorrectly diagnosed with only ADHD. He is white, able-bodied, and is seen as a “troublemaker” by the teachers at his school. He either has already been to juvie before or is treated as though he will.

His parents are emotionally neglectful and his family has a history of substance use issues. They are on the poorer side of the socioeconomic spectrum in comparison with most other families that have children which attend Anthony’s school.

Anthony feels like he is being “held back” by the people (and especially adults) around him. People don’t really give him the chance to prove himself, so he just kind of goes with the stereotypes and tries to pretend he doesn’t care. He’s always had issues with doing and understanding things, but was never really helped.

Nolan and Anthony go to the same school. They meet—most likely through a school program aiming to “socialize the disabled students”—and end up connecting with each other. They kind of bond over feeling misunderstood by other people. Over the course of the story, they grow to rely on each other a lot.

Anthony pretends to be a “goodie two-shoes” kid who is trying to be nice to Nolan by hanging out with him, and Nolan’s parents believe him. Anthony ends up making elaborate lies about hanging out with Nolan at his house while they’re out spray painting a wall or sneaking into a club.

They end up in what can best be described as a secretive queerplatonic relationship. They’re more than friends—they kiss and whatnot on a weekly basis—but saying that they’re “boyfriends” just doesn’t feel quite right for them.

I’m not entirely sure as to how the plot would go, but the climax would probably be some kind of big confrontation with Nolan’s parents where they get caught in one of their lies and Anthony ends up yelling at Nolan’s parents about how miserable they’ve been making him.

There’s a shit ton of other stuff that I have in my head about this story, but this is most of it. Please tell me what you think of it if you can?

As always, if any of this is offensive or anything like that, please let me know. 👍

[endlessthxxghts]

Goodbye, 2023.. Hello, 2024!🥂

Hello, beautiful people.💚 2023 is now coming to an end, and although there is so much I have to say about these past 12 months at a personal level, I’ll try to keep it brief (in roughly 800 words LMAO) and stick to our beautiful fandom world I love so dearly. 

I am absolutely not new to reading fan fiction—to reading all these fucking amazing stories that keep my hyperfixations well-fed😅 As a matter of fact, for the majority of this year, that’s what my tumblr consisted of—purely reading😅 

What I am new to, however, is actually contributing to this beautiful fandom. I’ve always loved writing, and I’ve written a few tiny stories for myself in the past. I just never would’ve thought—on one random day in September—that I would post them for the world, and I never would’ve thought that they were good enough to be loved by so many of you. It baffles me—still, after every new story I’ve put out, I still get surprised and feel a tremendous amount of gratitude for the love you guys give to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I’m learning to love myself more and more every single day, and in that, I’m learning to appreciate my abilities. To appreciate the skill that I’ve honed, and in doing so, I want to give back in the way that I can—through writing stories that put the biggest of smiles on our faces that our cheeks hurt, through writing stories that we can see a figment of ourselves in it, through writing stories that make us feel a plethora of emotions but ultimately make us feel loved.

I don’t mention this often, but I am physically disabled, and because of that, I have to physically rely on another person to help me with everything—showering, feeding me, using the restroom, etc. Ever since I could remember, I vowed that I would give back to everyone in the only way I can: through my verbal abilities (hence why my career goal is to become a clinical psychologist💚), and—naturally because of that—through my writing abilities. My only hope in this world is that I can provide others with the warm and welcome feeling that I’ve been surrounded by all my life, even if I can’t take any action to do so. I’ll always find a way. 

But okay, I digress (this is me keeping it brief, I apologize). I also wanted to take a moment to specifically say thank you to those who read my work. I’ve only been posting and writing for you guys since late September—only a little over three months!—and I have nearly 800 of you constantly cheering me on and providing me with the sweetest of support I thought could never exist for someone like me. I seriously wouldn’t be here without you guys. You seriously have no clue what your words do to me; they are my driving force, the fuel that keeps me going, the hugs I need when a story gets a little too complicated for my easily-frustrated brain because I just want it to be perfect for you. Thank you. With my entire heart, my entire soul, my entire existence: thank you. I can’t wait to see where 2024 takes us. I love you all. So much. 

And I want to give a special special thank you to a few people—whether we message each other, or we just constantly have given each other unconditional support, or simply I just admire and am inspired by you—who mean so much to me. Your support and guidance as I began my journey is irreplaceable. I’ve learned so much from each of you in our own unique way, and I’m inexplicably excited to enter 2024 with you guys by my side. I’m truly honored to be able to know you, even if it is solely online. @katiexpunk @janaispunk @toxicanonymity @bearsbeetsbeskar @farmerlarrry @joels-shitty-puns @tightjeansjavi @mandoisapunk — All my love to you beautiful people, and I can’t wait to continue being one of your loudest cheerleaders throughout 2024.

And to @javierpena-inatacvest… I don’t know what I was expecting out of making my presence more known on this lil platform, but I definitely wasn’t expecting to make a best friend out of this. And I definitely wasn’t expecting a lifelong best friend, at that. You don’t know this, but you entered my life at a time that I was struggling. There was something I was missing… something I was needing. Little did I know, that something was you, and I’m endlessly grateful. Your existence in my life is truly one that is irreplaceable. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky—but whatever God or all-knowing being did this, I’ll be giving them offerings now and until the day I die. Thank you for letting me in, and thank you for letting my crazy ass be a part of your journey. I love you, friend.🌚💚

Happy 2024, everyone!! This will be our year for prosperity in every aspect of  our lives. I just know it. 

Endlessly yours, L. 💚