#i wanted to start drawing a fernando thing and as always have gotten dragged into staring at pics

[skitskatdacat63]

Deeply unwell 2 am behavior when I blast Closer on repeat and download Fernando pictures 🫠

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER FOUR: SILENCE COMES AND GOES

Author’s note: Hello! We continue with this, I would like to thank everyone once again for all the likes and reblogs the story has gotten so far, couldn’t be happier! Enjoy (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.9K **

It is possible that Harry is ignoring the big elephant in the room, as he spreads some jam in his crumpet, well aware of Fernando and Jack exchanging knowing looks. He takes a bite of the savoury treat and hopes none of them dare to confront him, at the same time he wants to be questioned about why he hasn't called Alma yet.

Harry spent the last two weeks grumpy and frustrated.

He's called his therapist way too many times. He has no idea where he went wrong in his healing process. They were back to square one, whispered his tired heart.

Jack is surprised too, his friend got on so well with Alma at the party and apparently even went the extra mile asking for her number then he spent the following fourteen days acting as if she didn’t exist. Didn't even text her like Gemma suggested. He sips his coffee and sighs for the millionth time that day.

The musician is infuriated at himself and desperate that he wants to have Fernando demand an explanation for his behaviour towards his sister. Harry's not a confrontational guy, but he's going mad. Might be losing it. He wanted to scream at the two men before him that he did plan on calling Alma, but then he got so sad. Now he's afraid it's too late.

"Do you want another one?" Fernando holds the plate with crumpets in front of Harry who takes one more and thanks him before grabbing the jam. "Do you reckon you'll be man enough to call my sister within the next couple of days?" Harry chokes on his food while Jack's laughter booms through their home.

Nobody has ever called him out like that. Harry's still unsure whether to be grateful or scared. Maybe a bit of both he thinks after composing himself again from the fit of coughs, he knows Fernando is still waiting for an answer.

"Is she upset about it?" A hint of relief and pride linger on Harry's voice. Jack shakes his head, knowing that he's avoiding the question. Something he's very good at.

"That's not what I asked." Fernando's clipped tone leaves no room for the musician to beat around the bush anymore.

"I was really nervous about calling her, kept putting it off until days turned into weeks... I'm not sure how to go about it," he plays with his rings and looks away from the inquisitive gaze of his companions.

"How did you get Taylor to go out with you?"

"What?" Harry and Jack ask at the same time.

"You must've asked her I guess," Fernando shrugs. "What is so scary about Alma that puts you off? Are you interested in just a shag and you're worried she'll decline or tell the media about it?" Harry is shaking his head vigorously and the dark haired architect leans a bit closer towards him, "you're so full of sh-”

"Alright let's take a break," Jack's soothing tone brings his house mate back from the rage path he was following. But Harry knew that he was right.

It had been a year already, he moved to a new house, one where his ex never set foot into and still her ghost was everywhere. He has this crazy need to destroy everything that can relate to her. Her favourite cardigan is kept away in a box full of Polaroids and books that are all her.

The real reason why he didn't dare to call Alma is because whatever he felt at the beginning of his previous relationship, or any other one, was at least ten times less intense, than what he was feeling now. Seeing the menace before them, his heart and mind decided to leave him courage-less towards the situation. It's less painful to think what could've been than to know it and see it being taken away from you. Again.

But he deserves to be happy, that's what Gemma reminded him the other day.

"I gotta go," Fernando announces before rising from his seat, walking inside the house and upstairs to his room. Jack tries to tidy up the table a bit, not daring to look at his apparently mute friend. When Fernando comes back down he steps outside to the patio where they had brunch, one last glance to a very ashamed Harry and he sighs. "Brigit's Bakery Classic Afternoon Tea Bus. Alma’s been dying to get tickets but never has the time to actually book it," he explains adjusting his jacket's collar. "It's not too late." With that he turns on his heel and leaves the house.

Harry takes their mugs and places them in the sink, he notices Jack is going around the kitchen putting away the butter and milk in the fridge.

"What are you waiting for Romeo?" The blue eyed man asks, stopping in front of a blushing Harry.

They're both quiet for a minute. Harry's heart is racing and can feel his hands get clammy. He hasn't felt someone's faith in a long time, and he's not sure if he's happy or pressured that Fernando and Jack are pushing him to call Alma, he doesn’t even know if she will give him a chance. Harry's wishing to be the kind of guy to take out his mobile and make the call, maybe even crack a witty joke that will have Alma laughing in that loud way he remembers and not be awkward with asking her out on a date. As if he wasn't completely mortified by being rejected.

Harry was sure he would ruin it, not just the call but the date and everything else that was actually going to happen between them without even trying first.

"Hello?" She answers after the third ring, confused at the unknown number calling her.

"Yeah it's me," Harry nods to Jack who urges him to finish whatever sentence he's trying to form, "I believe I owe you some coffee."

"Harry?" Alma tries to fight back a laugh. A wide smile splitting her face after recognising who is the mystery caller.

"Yes! Sorry I forgot you didn't have my number." Jack is red with second hand embarrassment for his friend and decides to start the dishwasher just to keep his eyes from the train wreck happening in his kitchen. "I'm sorry for not calling sooner."

"You're calling now, 's all that matters... I'd love to get that coffee. Next Thursday works for you?" He nods feverishly and remembers he's on the phone.

"Of course, I'll pick you up at five if that's alright."

"Make it half past five please, that's when my shift ends. I'll text you the address." She throws the latter smoothly as an excuse to initiate conversation until they meet again and Harry is oblivious about it.

"Sure great, perfect I'm... really looking forward to seeing you," he plays with the tea towel on the counter, his back turned to Jack, a million butterflies fluttering in his stomach when he hears the coy chuckle his confession got out of her. "Have a good day, see you later."

"See you later, Harry" Alma's goodbye is full of hope and endearment, just like the one he got before she walked away from him that morning after Freddie’s birthday party.

After ending the call, he mentally scolds himself for dreading it so much. It went so much better than expected, even got a laugh out of her. Perhaps Harry needed to stop making decisions based upon his fears and more taking in consideration the other person. He always thought he knew best, it's what he's been told for so many years and although he needs to be making big choices most of the time, perhaps now he could share that responsibility. Felt dead nice for a change.

"That wasn't so bad." He admits to Jack before drying the now clean dishes with a towel.

"I'm proud of you, now tell me, where are you guys going for that coffee?" Jack's eyes are full of curiosity and excitement, it's impossible for Harry not to feel a chill go down his spine at the prospect of planning the date. He thinks about what Fernando suggested, but it would be too obvious that it wasn't his idea entirely.

Alma deserves something exclusively planned by him.

"Don't know yet, perhaps somewhere nice and quiet" he ponders and his friend agrees.

Last time Harry had a proper first date was about two years ago or so. He cooked aubergine parmigiana following Jamie Oliver's recipe and baked some biscuits for dessert that he enjoyed with his companion overlooking the Pacific Ocean from his home's balcony. Back then it seemed to be the right choice to keep it low-key, a simple dinner at his, no risk at all to be bothered or watched. But Harry knew that at some point it got old, being overly discreet was easily mistaken for being ashamed of the relationship. That kind of thing can do a lot to someone's confidence, little by little until it's all too much to bear.

If he could only learn not to care about the world's prying eyes.

Harry doesn't want to drag anyone into the scrutiny of the media until he knows it's an incorruptible bond. The inevitable thought of forever, something he believes might not exist for him, at times. He did think Taylor was it, even Kendall for a while, which is why he dated more publicly back then, until she came along and the love Harry felt was so grand it made him overly protective of them. Countless times he tried to explain that this was the first time something was working in spite of all the circumstances that came with his life and he was trying to cherish it, keep it to himself. Nurture it until it was as tough as old boots.

That night was spent writing down ideas for that first date. Number one was The river café, near Putney Bridge, a place free of paparazzi. Number two, Rail house café, lovely spot to share dinner. Number three The sanctuary café, located in a beautiful building with a quirky environment. Number four and his personal favourite Lola's bakery, their service was so warm and intimate, he remembers the cinnamon Chelsea bun and his mouth waters instantly. So, drawing a big circle around the fourth option he smiles before going to bed that night.

Saturday morning finds Harry at his grandparents’ old home, carrying a bag full of ingredients for a vegetarian lasagna he is planning to cook for his grandfather and his mum. He immediately banishes Anne from helping in the kitchen. She observed him follow the recipe, cooking for no longer than ten minutes the garlic, thyme and aubergine, and then crumble over the chilli carefully. He lets her grate the Parmesan when the sauce isn’t thickening and reducing like it was supposed to. With a bump of her hip, she nodded towards a couple of tomatoes, Harry smiled before tipping them in, breaking them with a spoon and five minutes later, the sauce was ready.

His mother is a marvellous woman, like the good son he is, Harry doesn't want to make her sad, ever. The last time he visited her, recently broken hearted, they spent it baking, cooking, eating sweets and drinking hot chocolate at the rear terrace. Once he had enough of moping around, he decided to make it up to her and create good memories from that visit. They explored the local parklands as if it was the first time, shared ice cream, got tipsy on cheap red wine and chatted from dusk till dawn.

A few hours later, after eating the delicious meal and tidying up the kitchen afterwards, Harry watches his mum talking to his grandad, holding his shaky hand in hers and caressing it in a soothing way. The elder man’s Parkinson is getting worse with time, he feels so useless, specially because it affects his favourite people. He wants to know what his mother is thinking when she joins him back in the kitchen. There is some anguish dancing in her kind eyes, but Harry knows better than to push her to share something she is not ready to.

"I have a date next Thursday," he chokes out, in hopes of distracting her, and it works. Anne's head whips towards her youngest child, evidently shocked and yet proud. It's been years since Harry shared that kind of information with her.

"A proper date?"

"Yes," he wants to add how nervous it makes him. "I dunno how serious it'll get... just met her once, properly I mean, we saw each other on the tube's carriage three times prior to it. Coincidentally of course, Gem said it is something straight out of a film."

"Who is she?" His mother is giving him that look, the one that says how giddy she is to know absolutely everything about the person that got her son so skittish, that he started to rearrange the containing of the cupboards entirely.

"Her name is Alma," he doesn't know where to start, if he spills all the ways in which he thinks she is wonderful, they'll end up pulling an all-nighter.

"And she's a...?"

"Cashier during the week, Spanish teacher on the weekends and occasional interviewer for her Youtube channel." Anne raises her eyebrows, impressed and wondering why such a busy girl agreed to go on a date. Must like him a lot of course, she thinks watching her son pour hot water on a mug, and dunking a tea bag in it afterwards.

"Where did you meet her if not on the tube?'' She is curious and weary. This wouldn't be the first time her youngest spawn overlooked certain things from strangers. Very little things in Harry's life were coincidences nowadays.

"Remember Jack Robinson?" his mum nodded, how could she forget the cheeky chap that helped Harry escape almost every night from his dad's house in the summer, just to go skate in Southbank's center until midnight. Anne admitted to not liking the bloke for a while, but gave him another chance after watching him grow into a responsible adult. "He's in charge of my home renovation, extension whatever it is called. Invited me to Freddie's birthday party and she was there." The dreamy look on his eyes when reminiscing the moment brought out a wide smile on his mum's face followed by her loud laughter.

"Oh Harry, you've got that look." it was the truth. He looked completely gobsmacked by his mother's reaction, but he couldn’t deny the peace he felt when knowing that she was already fond of the girl that he couldn’t get out of his mind.

"It’s too soon to tell!” He doesn’t want to dive into it, not yet. 

"How did you really meet? I want all the details." Anne asked, taking a seat at the coffee table and Harry told her everything.

From the first glance he stole her way to the last phone call he had yesterday at Jack and Fernando's house, his hands flew several times to tussle his hair and the dimple on his left cheek was exquisite, when telling his mother, how she asked him to dance with her. He spared no detail, from her intoxicating Moschino perfume to her raspy accented voice. By the time he finished, his mum's mug was empty but her heart was full. For so long she wondered if she would ever witness the beauty of Harry in love again and enjoy first-hand the way he spoke about that person in the sweetest manner, the high-pitched tone of his voice when finally admitting how nervous he actually was about this first date.

"Right, well in that case, stop thinking about how everything is going to go wrong." Easier said than done, Harry thinks but nods. "I'm sure whatever you planned will sweep her off her feet." Anne knew how much of a romantic her boy was, he went all out in that department. His best quality and Achilles heel.

"If the cupcakes from that place don't... I could literally do it." Harry plucks a banana from the fruit bowl before them and narrows his eyes when his mum rolls her eyes at him playfully.

His mother's reassurance made him feel less hopeless, the next day when they went to Sheffield's city center, she even picked out a couple of new mugs. 'Just in case we have new visitors at home.' Harry groaned but failed to hide the dreamy look in his eyes, he even crossed his fingers behind his back as he watched her pay for the cups. The thought of Alma meeting his mother in the near future —and the rest of his loved ones— excited him to an unfamiliar degree, like the first time he saw the seaside with his own eyes at a very young age, like that time he sang in front of a considerable amount of people, like a warm hug of his late grandmother. The idea that she may like him enough to agree to a second date is stuck on his brain, despite that they haven't even survived the first one.

Anne saw him enjoy himself the rest of that afternoon and the next morning before he had to go back to London. She sighed and watched him drive away, standing in her front door for a few more minutes, rejoicing on the memory of Harry's toothy grin. Usually she was careful and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but not this time. There was a bit of certainty in the unfamiliar situation, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, she decided to patiently wait and see. She hummed a familiar tune while putting away the new additions to her crockery. The same song her son decided to play on his journey back home.

Qué será, será. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Qué será, será.

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[baxarts]

Intern Stories: Aviya Hersntadt, Spring 2019 Education Intern

Maya Gonzalez June 27, 2019

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of sitting down with our 2019 Education Intern, Aviya Hernstadt, and reflecting upon her time with us this year. Throughout the year, we had worked alongside each other at various BAX Youth Education events. I’d gotten to know her, and recognize the countless things she’s done to support the BAX community throughout her time here. We grabbed some coffees, found a sunny spot outside, and got to talking.

When did your internship start?

AH: I officially started in the beginning of February, with a two-week overlap training period with Brooke [our former Education Intern] at the end of January.

How would you describe your role in the EDU Dept. as an EDU Intern?

AH: So many things. I’d say it definitely requires wearing a lot of hats; for me I think the biggest part of the role is After School Pick Up and spending time with the kids on, you know, the weekday afternoons that I’m there, and Saturdays. Saturdays also include making connections with parents, and getting to know all of the families at BAX, which has been really cool ‘cause Saturdays are less structured; it’s pretty much just me and Roxy [BAX Education Assistant], sometimes a few other people, in terms of admin; so it’s really nice to do your own work then get to know families and provide support there for BAX.

And then on the admin side,  it’s kind of filling in all the gaps, I would say, which gives me a little taste of everything; like just a kind of peek into every aspect of Education planning and everything that goes into that.

This conversation turned into a comprehensive review of the inner workings of the Education Department:

AH: Both Lucia [Scheckner, Education Director] and Ashley [R. Thaxton-Stevenson, Education Manager] supervise me and they have different roles so that’s also been interesting; learning the difference between their roles; between what  a Manager and a Director is, and the type of work that goes into that and the kinds of decisions that are made on each level. Seeing Lucia work and thinking about the decisions that she makes has made a big impression on me; she decides so many big picture things that trickle down into so many details;  and when the details come to me it’s easy to not see that big picture part of it. It’s interesting to think about that trickle-down of information and decision-making; and to witness what it takes to run a performing arts school. A lot of what BAX does was established before Lucia and Ashley stepped into these roles, but its constantly being re-thought, it’s not like they’re just repeating what past employees have done.

I’ve been a part of a lot of different conversations at BAX that have given me a taste of these processes. For example, after the Teen Arts Conference, Lucia, Ashley, Charlie [Community Outreach/Youthworks Intern] and I all sat down and discussed how the conference went, what worked/didn’t work, and what it all means for the future of the Conference.

Is there a project that sticks out to you that you worked on during your time at BAX? Any projects that you really enjoyed working on?

AH: Yes. In the waiting area on the second floor we have this inspiration board. There’s always some kind of engagement project on it. The most recent one, that’s still up there, was made during NYCDOE’s Civic Engagement Week. The week is about encouraging schools to have conversations with their students, asking questions like: what it is to be an active citizen? How can you help your community? We kind of BAX-ified this idea; we designed a project around the questions: What does it mean to be an active member of your community/how have you uplifted your community, who are some leaders in your community/ what communities are you a part of (your school, BAX, your religious center, your neighborhood, your family?) And kind of popping those kernels of what you can do to uplift your community. So when we first did it, I created and left out a mostly blank poster; I wanted to frame it as like a BAX community poster. I had some kids working on it in After School Pick Up, just kind of asking them different questions and encouraging them to draw something or write a story to add on to the poster. It didn’t really take off that way, so during Spring Break Charlie and I led a lesson plan with each age group (NanoBAXers; K-2nd graders and Mega/ GigaBAXers; 2nd-5th graders), prompting them to sort of write or draw something. We kind of hodge-podged it all together and it became this awesome poster. And that was a really cool moment. We had a really successful lesson plan; we started the conversation, then broke up into groups, and we framed it around one story they had when they helped their community, or someone in the community helped them, kind of making the simplest possible version of asking these questions of how we can support our community members.

As an arts educator it’s always nice to get more experience and to, you know, lead a structured activity, especially within the structures that BAX provides, and to get feedback on it. BAX is definitely the kind of educational environment that I want to be in.

Let’s talk a little more about the process leading into you starting here at BAX/how did you find us?

AH: BAX was somewhat on my radar; I took classes at BAX in high school; I performed at BAX once. So when I moved back home after graduating college, I found Dance to the People. I was in a piece with Maira Duarte [BAX in-house teacher and co-founder of Dance to the People], The Tampon Piece, and we had all our rehearsals at BAX, so I was around the building once or twice a week.  I remember looking at a board and seeing that there was a Drag class for kids and I was just like, this is awesome! What is this place? And that really got my gears turning. Then I saw that they had a job posting for this internship.

 Interns are invaluable at BAX. We have so much going on all the time and it’s so helpful to have people there who can sort of be around and be present for that and also be supportive pillars of it.

What as an individual do you feel you have brought to BAX?

AH: My independent study project has been looking at our language accessibility at BAX. I speak Spanish, and when I first started interning here, every once in a while I’d be sent an email that needed to be translated to Spanish.

It really got started when we got a new Spanish speaking family in the spring and I was the only person in the Education Department who could interact with them and translate meetings, e-mails and paperwork. So I started to wonder – do we have any systems in place for this?

At different points there have been people in the office who speak Spanish and it pretty much always just works out. The Education assistant before Roxy (current Education Assistant) was a native Spanish speaker so she was doing all of this work, but it was kind of invisibilized because she was just doing it, and there weren’t other people checking or directing it because it was work that she was the only one able to do. What does it mean to have one person on staff who is taking on all of that work?

I’ve taken on the project of looking at similar institutions and seeing what their practices are, what kind of accessibility they have, and then thinking about what’s realistic for BAX in the short term, and speaking with staff to identify some pipe dreams that we have for the long term. So that includes talking to Lucia, Ashley and Fernando [Maneca, Marketing & Communications Director], and also translating specific documents; simple e-mail templates in Spanish that can be dated and sent out at different occasions.

It’s been really cool to be able to provide that service for BAX, interacting with families and putting effort into working with the families that don’t speak English. As much as all of our staff feels so strongly that all families are a part of this community, there’s a barrier there in relaying that message. I’m not a native speaker by any means, I feel confident in my language abilities but I am humble with that. Of course I can’t say everything; it would be helpful to have a native speaker on staff.

Challenges?

AH: Working with kids can be the most refreshing, light-hearted, easiest thing and then one question can kind of throw you into a tailspin:  how do I answer this, what’s my place in answering this. There have been a lot of those moments, of like ok what does this child need, how can I serve them, can I serve them, or do they just need to be alone. I think it’s about giving the kids respect, hearing out all sides, being able to say something constructive and something reaffirming to each kid involved.

It’s been rewarding getting to know the individual kids that I spend time with at BAX. I really care about them, I’m sad to leave this position. I’ll be a counselor this summer so I’ll see a lot of them; but it’s just been really special getting to know them.

And on the administrative side, I’ll have ongoing projects that take a few days, I have reoccurring projects, like something I do on a weekly basis, an then I ‘ll have short-term projects that take an hour to finish; keeping track of all of the work in a timely manner has been a learning curve for me.

I graduated college a year ago now. I’ve been working odd jobs, babysitting/working in a restaurant, and this internship is my first real experience with a workplace environment. I’ve had various summer internships, but this is my first time on the other side/in the real world. It’s very different being out of school than in school ‘cause in school you’re going back every fall, but at BAX, while I’m here, I want to soak up all this information and stick all these tools in my pocket, understand how an office functions-even though this isn’t your typical office.

What are you walking away with from this internship?

AH: Honestly, the knowledge that a work environment and a place like this exists, where people are so supportive of each other. I mean I have just felt so incredibly supported at BAX. There have been multiple times where I’ve been supported in my own personal practice by the Education Department. There was a dance workshop that I really wanted to take, a choreographer was visiting from Europe and it was kind of like a one-time thing, and Lucia and Ashley totally supported me in doing it. It was a really last minute thing but they supported me because they wanted me to cultivate and keep alive my own artistic practice, understanding that that directly feeds into a professional working practice, as an educator, as an admin, all of that.

So things like that, understanding what you’re worth; as an artist especially its really easy to get in the mindset of just like throwing everything you have into your work/job and letting all these different jobs/positions just take, take, take from you. Because the artist’s life is such an atypical life. It’s atypical to give value to your personal practice, and to spend an hour in the studio and recognize that that is work, that’s not just fun, its work; you know, naming that and giving that value. And that BAX supports that with every single person who comes through these doors, is worth so much. I’m so lucky to be where I am. I have friends whose employers don’t care about their personal lives, emailing them at 9:30pm with something that they have to finish. The amount of respect that exists at BAX is so special; now that I know how good it can be and how much I can be worth, I am worth that, and I shouldn’t settle for anything less.

It all comes back around and it all works because everybody’s all in, everybody’s committed.

I’ve also gained a ton of experience with problem solving, especially with kids. I’m really excited to be a counselor in BAX’s Summer Arts Program this summer. I’m not ready to say goodbye and I’m not done learning yet, and I’m really excited to step into a new role at BAX. I think that’s gonna be really cool; to see all the teaching artists in action; summer’s a whole different ball game and I’m excited to see that. As a counselor I’m gonna be in all the classes, helping support all the classes which will be huge for my own professional teaching practice, you know seeing the different skills that teachers use, different activities, different tools for your tool box. More tools please!

Any post summer plans?

AH: I’ve been teaching with Wingspan Arts so I hope to continue that in the fall, maybe take on more classes than I had during the spring I’m also gonna continue working with Dance Action, Carmen Caseras. I’d love to be able to stay at BAX in some capacity if I can. I know that BAX is the kind of environment I want to be in.

Pictured, left to right: Lucia Scheckner, Education Director, Ashley R. Thaxton-Stevenson, Education Manager, Brooke Rucker, Fall 2018 Education Intern, Charlie Fischetti,2018-19 Community Outreach/YouthWorks Intern, Aviya Hersntadt, 2019 Spring Education Intern. Photo taken by BAX Staff after the 2019 Teen Arts Conference.