#i wanted a crocodile pun

[echoing-gravity]

Can Marinette Bench press a building?!

(Ladybugs, also known as lady beetles or ladybird beetles, are able to carry objects that are up to 1,000 times their own weight due to the unique structure of their exoskeletons. An exoskeleton is an external protective covering that provides support and protection to the insect's body. This covering is made up of a material called chitin, which is a strong and lightweight polymer. The exoskeleton also gives ladybugs their characteristic shiny, hard shells. Ladybugs use their powerful leg muscles to lift and carry heavy objects, such as large leaves or other insects. The unique structure of their exoskeleton allows them to distribute the load evenly across their body, making it possible for them to carry heavy objects without being weighed down. Additionally, their strong legs and other muscles are equipped to sustain this weight too)

But like with her legs???

I wanna see a MLB x DC fic where Marinette is working with young justice and like a building fucking falls on them but marinette just fucking kicks it away. Or picks it up. Itd be even more absurdly funny if she wasn't transformed and the super strength is like a kwami side effect.

WHAT IS MARINETTES WEIGHT? IS THERE A CANNON ANSWER??? DO I HAVE TO PULL A MATPAT AND DO PIXEL MEASUREMENT MATHAMATICAL BULLSHIT???? I WANNA KNOW IF SHE CAN LOFT A BUILDING OR NOT!!!

[freakattack]

OK obligatory don't give money to general mills but i did yell WHAT out loud because for years I have been saying that i wish the monster cereal guys had little merchandise animals because i just think it feels right. And wouldn't you know

[lumiolivier]

Another Round

Series: One Piece

Chapter: One Shot

Word Count: 2400

Rating: T

Pairing(s): Cross Guild x Reader (YN)

The treasure needs to be shared, doesn't it? And Perona is an agent of chaos.

a/n: Hey! Since the first one was so well received and because someone's going to have to follow the rules, have a part two. And if you're not careful, I just MIGHT put out a part three! Take THAT, Mom! Also, just a side note, words cannot describe how badly I want this to be turned into a cosplay crack. I would be so happy if this because a cosplay crack. I wish I had cosplay friends in near proximity.

@laws-wife-things Because you asked so nice for a tag. <3

It was another quiet evening in Mihawk’s castle.  Things had just finished winding down after dinner.  Mihawk and Crocodile were sitting comfortably in the study.  Mihawk with his knitting needles.  Crocodile with his crocheting.  While you were in the kitchen, finishing up the dishes.  It was something you insisted on.  Everyone had their therapeutic activity.  And things were well.  This time, Mihawk and Crocodile were certain where Buggy was.  He sat at the island, watching you with the dishes.  The poor thing was recovering from a nasty headache he had no recollection of getting.  Perhaps he was getting sick.  Perhaps it was stress.  Or perhaps it was having a nine iron repeatedly smacked into the side of his head.  He may never know.  But in the study, both Mihawk and Crocodile worked on their respective projects, living in the cloud of smoke Crocodile made for both of them.  Not that Mihawk truly minded.  It mingled in with his wine and gave it an interesting flavor profile.  The evening would prove to be a quiet one.  And no one was complaining.

Except Perona.  Perona, who loved to cause a little chaos in the house.  And she knew right where her favorite button was.

“Hey, YN?” Perona sat next to Buggy with an ice pack on his head and his face buried in the countertop, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, Perona,” you put up the last plate in the cabinet and let the water drain out of the sink, “What is it?”

“Well…” Perona thought, “Remember when we were playing fuck, marry, kill in the attic?”

“Not really,” Buggy grumbled into the granite, “Were we playing fuck, marry, kill today?”

“Yes, Buggy.” You put a gentle, loving hand to his shoulder.  You knew how Crocodile could get when it came to you.  And you knew how Mihawk could be.  Mostly because you were still just a little sore from what happened after that game was over.  But every little ache still felt so good.  Still, you felt bad that Buggy had to take the brunt of it, “What about it, Perona?”

“I had an idea for another one,” Perona grinned, “If you don’t mind playing again.”

“You know what?” You hopped up on the counter.  It was your favorite place in all the castle.  Something about sitting on the counter felt so grounding to you.  Or maybe it was because it was one of Crocodile’s favorite places to catch you off guard.  If he only knew what you and Buggy had done on that island…and on the kitchen table.  But you kept that to yourself, “Alright, Perona.  Hit me.  What do you got?”

“Fuck, marry, kill,” Perona smirked, “The big boys of the Straw Hat Pirates…”

“Really?” You winced, “Isn’t one of them practically your brother?”

“It’s purely hypothetical, YN…” She reminded you, “Come on.  Zoro, Luffy, Sanji.  I know you know what they’re all like.  Go.”

“Fine…” You took a moment to think about it.  It was just to humor Perona.  It’s not like any of this was going to ever happen, “I’d have to fuck Zoro, marry Sanji, and kill Luffy.”

“Well,” Buggy approved, “At least I’m not the one on the chopping block.”

“Pun intended, Buggy?”

“Maaaaaybe.” You hated that you loved the clown.  But he made you giggle.  Even though it was one of those things that was so stupid, it cycled back around to being funny.

“I need an explanation, YN,” Perona begged, “What do we got going on in that little head of yours?”

“Yeah,” Buggy listened intently, “I’m a little curious, too.  You’re killing the little rubber pain in the ass.  That one, I get.  But what’s going on with the other two?”

“Alright, alright,” you settled them, “Let’s start right off the bat why I’m killing Luffy.  Think about it.  If I kill Luffy, think of how much easier it would make life on Mihawk and Crocodile.  Although, I feel like it’s the same situation as when we played this with you being the one I kill, Buggy.”

“Because killing Buggy would also make it so much easier on Mihawk and Crocodile?” Perona teased.

“Again,” Buggy glared, “I have feelings, Perona.  Hurtful.  Incredibly hurtful.”

“Don’t be such a baby,” Perona gave him a little shove, “It’s fine.  Again, we’re playing a game of hypotheticals.”

“Not necessarily that,” you went on, “Mostly because he just got caught up in the crossfire.”

“Oh…” Buggy let it go, “But what about the other two?”

“We’ll start with Zoro,” you decided, “Look at him.  He’s got that pretty face, that killer body…It’s like if I were to put Mihawk and Crocodile in one body.  And I’d be totally here for it.  But then again, I know his reputation.  I’d be begging him to find the clit and he’d get turned around at my shoulder somehow.”

“Bless his heart,” Perona clutched her chest.

“But I have a feeling that once he does find it,” a little smile crept across your face, “First of all, it’ll be entirely by accident.  But once he does find it, he’ll find it over and over and over and over and Perona, you can ask anyone here.  They’ll all tell you the same thing.  Overstimulation to the point where I’m drooling on myself?  That’s the shit right there.”

“Absolutely,” Buggy picked his head back up and pulled you into his lap, “We know what you like, doll.  It’s too bad we can’t all be in the same room.”

“It is kind of a downer,” you agreed.  You had been begging for all three of you taking you at once for almost as long as you’ve been with them, but you understood.  Crocodile was too huge.  Mihawk was too greedy.  Buggy was too…Buggy.  If Buggy got involved while either one of them were with you, it was either an immediate turn off or it would turn into someone leaving with a black eye.  And it wasn’t going to be Mihawk or Crocodile.

“But,” Perona brought them back, “You said you were fucking Zoro, killing Luffy…Why are you marrying the chronic pervert?”

“I don’t see him like that.” You sighed out, “I’m marrying Sanji for all the right reasons.  Put a woman in front of that man and he is on his knees.  He is doing everything he can to make sure she is taken care of.  He is doing everything to make sure she is happy.  And if he can’t do that, he’s going to go self-flagellate in her name.  Not to mention, I’ve seen that man fight.  Not that I’m doubting Zoro’s ability to protect me, but Sanji can do just as well.  And I still get all the worship I want.  I wouldn’t have a husband.  I would have a male wife and I love that for me.  I’d be totally cool with that.”

“You know,” Perona thought, “That doesn’t sound like a half bad idea.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Buggy chimed in, “What do you mean, that doesn’t sound like a half bad idea?  You’re saying you’d take a weenie like the pretty boy cook over someone like, say, Crocodile or Mihawk?”

“In a heartbeat,” Perona nodded, “First of all, Mihawk’s like my dad, so…Uh…Ew.  And Crocodile’s not my type.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love a good size difference, but I’m not looking to get split in half.  No offense, YN.”

“None taken.” You understood.  Someone like Crocodile wasn’t for everyone.  You, on the other hand, weren’t opposed to being split in half.

“Especially since I know he’s packing a family sized soup can down there now.”

“Thank you, Perona,” Buggy squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to suffocate the mental image of Crocodile naked out of his head.  There was no way he wouldn’t have been terrifying to see, “The last thing I want to think about is Crocodile’s trouser snake.”

“It definitely does the job,” you confirmed.

“YN!”

Perona laughed hysterically, rocking herself back and forth above the island, “Oh, YN.  I love you so much.  You’re the best and the worst and that might be the best part about you.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” you giggled with her, “But yeah.  That’s how that would work for me.  What about you, Perona?”

“What about me, Perona?” Perona asked, coming down from her high.

“Same question,” you retaliated, “Fuck, marry, kill.  Zoro, Sanji, Luffy.”

“Let’s see…” Perona thought it over, ‘Probably…Fuck male wife, marry stretchy, kill Zoro.”

“Give me your reasoning,” you insisted, “Show your work.”

“Alright,” Perona obliged, “Fuck Sanji because…What the hell?  Why not?”

“He is not hard to look at,” you agreed, “Go on.”

“Marry Luffy because he’s kind of a cutie,” Perona pointed out, “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” Buggy grumbled.

“You’re just jealous that I won’t touch you,” Perona argued, “And kill Zoro, so I can bring his earrings back as a trophy for Mihawk and claim my rightful place as his favorite.  Not that I’m not there already.  And let’s be honest.  If I brought Zoro’s earrings back, I’d be stealing them before the day was over.  At least one of them.”

“Love you, too, Perona,” Zoro wandered in and cracked the fridge open.

“Wait,” Perona blinked a couple times in total disbelief, “Zoro, when the hell did you get here?  What?  Did you try to find the bathroom on the Sunny and take a wrong left turn?”

“Very funny,” Zoro rolled his eyes, “No.  Mihawk let me in.  He said I could have a snack before bed.”

“Does that mean the rest of the crew is here, too?” Perona wondered.

“And I know you want to sleep with my crewmates?” Zoro grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, “Yeah.  They’re all on the dock.  But I’m just here to check in with Mihawk.  You know how he worries.”

“I don’t want to sleep with your crewmates,” Perona clarified, “We were playing a simple game of fuck, marry, kill.  And we happened to get some of your crewmates.”

“Who brought it up?”

Perona hated that she was backed into a corner, but she conceded anyway, “I might have.”

“And?” Zoro looked over to you.  It wasn’t often he came around and even more scarce when he pays you much attention, “How’d you answer?”

“I didn’t kill you,” you promised.

“I didn’t ask if you killed me,” Zoro sipped his water, “How’d you answer?”

If there was one thing you knew about Roronoa Zoro, it was that he was incredibly protective of his captain.  And if you knew you spared Sanji over Luffy, you wouldn’t be living much longer.  But he could always tell when you were lying, “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you, too,” Zoro scoffed.

“No,” you rolled your eyes while Buggy laughed behind you, immediately catching your attention, “Something to say, Buggy?”

“Sorry, doll,” Buggy brought himself back down, “That wasn’t at you.  You just caught the stray.  It’s just hard to believe that the second greatest swordsman in the world, demon of the East Blue, barely microcelebrity Roronoa Zoro is not the brightest bulb in the spotlight.”

“Fuck you, too, clown,” Zoro snapped at him.

“Zoro,” Perona hushed him, “Go on, YN.  Answer his question.”

“Fuck Zoro, marry Sanji, and…” you braced yourself for whatever came next, “Kill Luffy.”

Zoro unsheathed his sword.  Just a little, “You want to kill Luffy?”

“Settle down, Zoro,” Mihawk came into the kitchen, “Put your toys away.  She doesn’t get to play with you.”

Zoro slipped his sword back in its sheathe.  Although, in a perfect world, he would’ve more than defended his captain.  Until his dying breath if he had to, no matter who decided to get in his way.  And that included you.  So, you were right to be a little leery around Luffy’s guard dog.  But you got up from Buggy’s lap and moved toward Mihawk, getting a little kiss to your forehead, “Hi there, hawk eyes…”

“Hello, darling,” Mihawk pulled you into his side, “Did he frighten you?”

“Of course not.” You were lying.  Zoro scared the hell out of you.  Especially when he got that look in his eye like he was ready to run into a fire and not give the third degree burns a thought. 

“You know,” Mihawk nudged you toward the door, “Crocodile’s looking for you.”

It must be his turn, you thought.  Granted, you had Mihawk the night before, but you were more than ok with having Crocodile tonight, “Ok.  Is he in his room or is he in the study?”

“Study,” Mihawk gave you one last kiss, “Go on.  Don’t keep him waiting.”

“Yes, sir.” You left Mihawk to handle his kids and his Buggy while you went up to handle Crocodile.  On your way up the stairs, you were already stretching your jaw.  Because your jaw was about to come unhinged like a snake. 

However, when you poked your head into the study, there was no sign of Crocodile aside from the fresh burn mark in the arm of his chair and a pile of scrap yarn on the floor.  Maybe he left, you thought?  So, there could only be one other place he could be.  So, you went down the hall instead.  Sure enough, you could smell a freshly lit cigar coming from Crocodile’s room.  When you first came to Mihawk’s castle, you were told how your sleeping arrangements would go.  You would have your own room, but you would rarely sleep in it.  You would only sleep in it for a week every month.  Mostly because they wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as you could when you were suffering with your regularly scheduled stab wound in your uterus.  But for the rest of the time, you would spend a week in Crocodile’s room, a week in Mihawk’s room, and a week in Buggy’s room.  Tonight was a Crocodile night. 

And there he was, laying on his bed, waiting for you, “There you are, Princess…I was wondering when you were going to get here.

‘Looking for me?” you crawled in next to him, letting him wrap his massive arms around you.

“You know it’s my favorite week,” Crocodile left little kisses all over your neck, his teeth gently grazing you, sending chills down your spine.

“It is,” you squirmed underneath him, “Are you going to be gentle with me, Sir Crocodile?”

And Crocodile laughed, “Of course not.”

[lemonmaid]

"I was reincarnated as a baby in a video game that I originally trapped in!"

Finally, the long wait sequel 😭

Warnings: fluff? Malleus is delulu

A/N: I've had to rewrite this four times due to my shit just not saving and I kinda got burned out and gaveup? I'm sorry if the ending looks rush, I will try to make a final at one point

"Sebek!!! Please for the love of the sevens, please quiet down! You're making the baby cry!"

"HOW CAN I? THERE IS A BABY IN THE WOODS! IT CAN BE A DEMON!".

Silver and Sebek bickering, it was almost reminiscing. Well if only they haven't left this place only a couple of hours ago just to re-land back into this place.

'Sliver, Sebek, please! I'm crying because I'm a fucking baby. Come on guys? Don't you recognize me?'

(Name) thought about it, if a couple of hours back in their world was only a few decades for this world- (Name)'s faced paled, 'Oh my God, do I even look the same? Do I have a tail or ears now? Lets just pray I have magic this time'.

"Maybe they're hungry?"

"Let's take them to Master!"

On the way to the castle, the two still bickered, leaving (Name) to remember what it was like before.

(Name) looked around, nothing looked too familiar but Silver and Sebek looked older. Silver had grown out his hair, holding it in a ponytail like Lilia. Sebek had also grown scales on the side of his face, like his grandfather. 'How long has time passed?' (Name) wondered.

Thunder was getting louder as they reach the castle, light spread in the sky. Causing (Name) to involuntary cry, 'Everything is so much louder as a baby' (Name) noted.

"Hey hey, shhhhh, it's okay little one, no more crocodile tears" Silver commented.

"STOP THAT"

"stop what"

"Puns!"

'Yep, just like old times' (Name) sighed.

As they reached the gate (Name) noticed that the Valley of Thorns wasn't so much a valley anymore but a fully flourished town, bustling with those old 1920 wind-up cars.

Sebek turned to Sliver, "stay here while I go fetch us a car, I don't think we could walk anymore with that thing hold us back".

As Sebek left it was just Silver and (Name), Silver had a sad look in his eye while looking at (Name). "You know it's kinda funny... we are kinda of the same".

Thunder roared in the sky. Sliver looked up to the clouds, "it seems like Malleus is upset again, maybe father cooked again" he chuckled.

'Silver has matured...' (Name) wanted to tell Sliver how proud they were, but all that came out was small cooing.

(Name) fell alseep in the car, their small baby mind and body made it exhausting to do anything, even thinking was exhausting.

"Hmm, they seem a bit malnourished". Lilia stared at the sleeping child.

Sebek scoffed, "Well of course, we found them in the labyrinth".

Malleus sat on his high thrown, watching the three bicker around the sleeping babe 'Reminds me of a certain tale'.

Malleus was uninterested, Sebek requesting an audience, rather demanding. Malleus could careless about a baby found in the middle of a labyrinth, he was more concerned about the shining light that came from said labyrinth. He thought about the perfect, he thought that they finally came back after all these years, maybe they had change their mind? Maybe they realized that this world was better than their own magicless, depressing, pathetic-

"Mallllleuus~ you're ruining that family relic we call throne with your nails".

Malleus scoffed, " I don't have time for this. Where is the perfect? Did you two come empty handed?".

Malleus's loud voice awoke (Name), startling them. Malleus aged like wine, his piercing green eye stared into their soul.

Sebek coughed before yanking (Name) out of Silver's arms. "Master! We found them where the light ended...... There was no perfect....".

Green magic engulfed their tiny body bring them close to Malleus.

"Now be careful Malleus~ they are just a babe".

As (Name) floated in the air, Malleus stared into their soul. "You're telling me... that this is all the sevens have blessed us with? How.... generous". Thunder echoed through the throne room, lighting flash. Sometimes (Name) forgot how powerful Malleus was. This was the man who could change the weather based on his mood.

As (Name) floated closer, the more scared they became, not of malleus but how utterly helpless they were, stuck in a baby's body.

"Hmmm, I smell no magic in them, but their eyes..... me of a certain human....from many years ago". (Name) floated into Malleus arms, his breathing hitched. Wrapping their tiny arms around the man, hugging him. Feeling his breathing change and how the storm that roared slowly soothed.

Malleus smiled fondly at (Name) their eyes locked.

"You shall be called "(Name)" in rememance to my dear friend, no, someone who was very dear to me. Now, now do not argue young one That is an honor. I have alot of respect for this name".

'How original Malleus'

"And you shall call me father aswell".

'WHAT' (Name) wailed.

The kingdom of thorns rejoiced when Malleus announced his new "hier", the kingdom could be heard throughout the night celebrating.

Malleus rocked (Name) back and forth as they slept.

Malleus looked at (Name) fondly, “How old do you think they are Lilia?”

Lilia sighed as he watched the celebration down below.

“I do not know, but I do know that the-”.

Malleus growled, “I do not care for what those old bag of”, he breathed, calming himself before he could awake (Name).

Lilia looked at the scene before him, reminding of himself in the past. Scared and alone with a baby, trying to fill a hole on his heart that was empty at the time.

“since the perfect’s birthday soon, that shall be (Name)’s new birthdate, (birthdate), that's soon, right Lilia? We must have a celebration!”.

Lilia sighed looking at the boy he could call a son, “I'll call the Rosehearts-”.

A celebration in deed, it reminding (Name) of that one scene in Shrek 2. No, it was that scene. A large red carpet to the entrance of the castle, the throne room decorated way to elegant for a baby's birthday, clothing to elegant for a mere child's birthday. (Name) watched boredly in Malleus lap, watching many make conversations. Some would occasionally walk up to the two, bow, leave a gift for (name) and walk away.

“Well look what that cat dragged in” Malleus teased.

‘Leona! Ruggie!’ (Name) involuntary cooed. The two obviously aged, while the Fae barely tinted. Leona’s hair gotten darker and Ruggie got taller.

“What poor person had the unfortunate to bed with a lizard?” Leona snickered.

Ruggie sighed, “Leona! Best behavior man-”

“Yes Leona, best behavior we wouldn't want another PR incident”. Malleus smiled.

‘election? I thought the Sunset Savannah was a monarchy? Is Leona trying to turn it to a democracy?’ (Name) was in deep thought, just how much has changed.

Lilia walked up to the three, “Boys couldn't you pick another day to brawl? Leona, hold your comments, aren't you trying to get supporters on your side for an election?”.

As (Name) was in deep thought, they were then host into Leona's arms.

"What's their name?"

"(Name)".

Leoma looked at Malleus with disgust and rage, "you think you can replace them!?".

Malleus glared, "I could never replace (Name) that is (Name)!".

Leona felt rage boil within him, staring down at (Name).

"Your scent... it smells like"

'Come on Leona, you can recognize me!'

"Like shit! Does anyone around here know how to take care of a baby? Their diaper is full!"

'DAMN IT'

"Stop that crying, you have no reason to cry".

[horseimagebarn]

Ok so thanks for the answer vis a vis the centaur situation I appreciate it a lot and I'm not trying to convince you to change your ruling but unfortunately you used the word taxonomy which triggered one of my damn neurodivergences. I hope you don't mind but my response will be to deposite these few paragraphs in your inbox I'm sorry in advance if this comes off as aggressive or condescending or just plain annoying I'm just sensing an opportunity to infodump to someone who might be interested in tbe topic so I'm seizing it I'm sure you know what it's like

Anyway there's a disconnect between pragmatism and scientific rigor that people are blind to which vexes me and biological taxonomy is a particular pet peeve of mine the biggest instance of it is crocodiles and alligators which are really the same damn animal for all intents and purposes but that's not relevant

Naturally when one thinks of horses one thinks of domestic horses specifically (Equus ferus cabellus) but I'd argue that certain pictures of donkeys (Equus africanus) look more like domestic horse pictures than certain pictures of Przewalski's horse (Equus ferus przewlaskii) despite the latter being classified as the same species and the former not

And I feel that for a horse image barn the resemblence of a picture to an archetypical horse image should be a higher priority criterion for inclusion than some criteria that biological taxonomy relies on like the presence of specific haplotypes which isn't even a word anyone knows and if you go to its Wikipedia article you get a definition of it that's not really relevant to this ask

So yeah in conclusion I wouldn't tie the in/ex-clusion of images to scientific taxonomy but to Vibes if I were the admin of this or a similar blog but I'm not and you are so you can like do whatever

Also I won't be submitting the centaur image I wanted to submit but can I still send it as an ask I like showing it to people spreading it around etc it's kind of cursed but also funny and I like it a lot and I understand why it's not horse enough to your taste but it's definitely horse adjacent and I want to share it

as a fellow animal wikipedia delver i agree that taxonomy is not the end all be all of the human perception of animals however what i meant to imply is that the differences between centaurs and horses are large enough to be considered taxonomical and are not debatable even in a taxonomical sense due to their many massive differences also i have posted przewalskis horses before as they are true horses and this is horseimagebarn not assimagebarn or centaurimagebarn even though i love donkeys just as much and would own a donkey over a horse any day

i did just take my adderall and am bored at work so i have to humbly yet lengthily disagree with you that taxonomy is not important in both cases presented while the crocodilian assumption you make has bruised my heart as i love alligators and i find them far cuter than crocodiles due to the differences in their jaw structure that makes their bottom teeth fit into their mouth instead of jutting out like crocodiles (which is one of the many actual and notable physical differences between them alongside choice of salt or fresh water etc) i wont get into that and will focus on horses since thats the point of this blog using actual punctuation and capitalization for the first time in this blogs history ill be referring to przewalskis horse as takhi as it is also known so i dont make a typo which i know i will

long ass (donkey pun) post warning

Taxonomy can of course be vague at times or muddied, but it is not an invalid study. All human knowledge is constantly evolving, and mistakes are inevitably going to be made, but that does not make our efforts invalid. It is beneficial for us to know how evolution works. Taxonomical differences are real and worth considering, even if mistakes are made sometimes. Two animals looking similar is not a valid reason to ignore their taxonomical differences, nor is it okay to ignore similarities because they look different—if we went by that logic, every dog breed would be a totally different species.

Speaking of, here's a little more on the whole appearance thing before we get into the science:

The other day, I was watching a video about the actual horses that existed in antiquity, and they are far more similar to takhi than you might think. I'll link the video if I can find it, apologies for a lack of a source on this right now, but the gist of it was that horses of yore were much shorter and stouter than modern horses. The tall, thin horse often seen in modern depictions of ancient time is inaccurate, as is the thick, muscular draft, which didn't become common until later on. Back then, people wanted horses that were sturdy—most people didn't care as much about specific breeds or having the hugest and prettiest horse on the block, especially when food to maintain larger animals like modern horses wasn't always guaranteed, and having such a huge animal could be dangerous and more difficult. Their horses were more similar to ponies than our big guys now, and ponies aren't a separate species. The selective breeding of horses to become taller and leaner made them appear way different from the takhi, but just like dogs, they remain extremely similar to those of their taxa despite looking different on the surface. For example, take a look at the ancient fjord horse breed next to the takhi...in fact, sometimes takhis are called Mongolian ponies! We can even see this in ancient art earlier in the horse's domestication:

Anyway, science:

Firstly, the takhi isn't wholly classified as the same exact species as the true horse, our domesticated Equus ferus caballus. Both Equus ferus callabus and Equus ferus przewalskii are considered subspecies of caballines, or true horses, meaning they're more like cousins (I know it's a cliche to say this, but I mean it), with donkeys and zebras as, like, their nephews twice removed. If the takhi was considered the exact same species as the domestic horse with no acknowledged differences, it would be considered a breed of horse, not a subspecies (though breeds are typically manmade, they are not always—see the word "typical" in the dictionary definition). This means that it does have recognized, distinct differences from the standard domesticated horse that have been taken into consideration in their taxonomy—it is not like the two are blindly considered the same exact thing.

Mistakes have been made in Equus taxonomy in the past, but continued research has led to a retaxing of the genus as early as the 1980s. In the 2012 review article "Discordances between morphological systematics and molecular taxonomy in the stem line of equids: A review of the case of taxonomy of genus Equus," by E. Kefena et al., a number of scholars reviewed the methods with which the Equus genus has been taxed in the past and how they have changed in the past few decades.

According to that article, equines are an incredibly plastic genus. They are very good at adapting to their environments, which led past taxonomists to overcount the amount of Equus species that existed in the past and therefore miscategorize the history of the genus in general. Many were actually just adapted versions of the same thing. This is what we see in the horse and takhi—they are similar but have adapted to their different environments and niches.

In 1986, two molecular scientists, George and Ryder, performed the first DNA-based molecular taxonomy on all living equus species, publishing their findings in the article "Mitochondrial DNA evolution in the genus Equus." By mapping equus DNA and constructing a phylogenetic tree, they were able to take a closer look at the actual genetic disparities between equus species.

George and Ryder found that "[In the mtDNA (mitochondrial DNA) cleavage map,] the percent sequence difference between E. przewalskii and E. caballus individuals was found to range between 0.27% and 0.41%. ... Overall, the amount of divergence presented here is small and not much greater than the 0.36% divergence reported for mtDNA differences found among the human racial groups (Brown 1980; Cann et al. 1984)."

So, horses and takhis are incredibly similar. Using these findings, they separated equus species into three clades: "One that groups the zebras, a second that groups E. africanus [African wild ass] and E. hemionus [Asiatic wild ass, aka the hemione], and a third that associates the true [caballine] horses E. przewalskii and E. caballus as a unit. However, as stated previously, the E. africanus-E. hemionus clade remains enigmatic."

They later state that "E. hemionus and E. africanus appeared more karyotypically [chromosomally] similar to each other than to other equids," hence why they were considered a clade despite being "enigmatic." Kefena et al. explain this weird enigma further, and, notably, compare it to the takhi: "Next to Przewalskii's horses, hemiones were the first species to be diverged from the stem line of extant equids, suggesting that they might be closely related to caballine horses than to asses, though they are monophyletic with donkeys than with horses. On the basis of these evidences, morphological resemblance between species doesn't guarantee genetic similarity between equid species." This means that asses and horses have distinct genetic differences that far outweigh those between takhi and domestic horses, despite the fact that donkeys and takhi look more similar. The hemione looks very similar to the African wild ass, and it is closer to it genetically, but it is not the same due to the way it evolved—it broke away from the general line earlier than any other ass. The takhi is the same; it diverted earlier than other horses, but remains very genetically similar—more than any other extant Equus species. And, even with the takhi's extra chromosomal pair, George and Ryder also found that they and horses were also very close karotypically, giving them incredible similarities both mtDNA-wise and chromosome-wise. Despite that different chromosome, horses and takhis can successfully interbreed and produce fertile offspring, unlike horses and donkeys.

Kefena et al. "MYBP" stands for "Millions of Years Before Present" Funnily enough, G&R also say, "There has been little to no dispute over the close relationship that exists between E. przewalskii and E. caballus; thus the addition of E. caballus to the E. przewalskii branch should be easily accepted." Which is so weirdly on the nose that I feel compelled to say that it's on page 544 so no one thinks I'm making it up. So, with their genetic similarities, their actually surprisingly similar appearances, and their sequential DNA similarities, the Przewalski's horse and the domesticated horse do belong in the same category when compared to other equines like donkeys and zebras. They're not identical, but they're in the same room of the larger equine house. And, check out the tarpan, Equus ferus ferus, another subspecies of Equus ferus and the most recently extinct of them all, alongside the current Equus ferus species (and a concept of the original Equus ferus pre-domestication by Cameron Clow on Artstation)! They're all friends:

Conclusion

you can send me centaurs if you want i just wont post them

[estcaligo]

Since I'm absolutely unhinged totally normal about Sebek, I've made some infoposts, mostly about crocodiles, but sometimes about lightning too. In any case, it's all about Sebek! Check them out if you want. I personally think some of them are quite interesting.

This one is my favourite (croc lore)

No.2 favourite (croc lore)

Very important crocs x thunderstorms post (croc lore)

Crocodile's heart (croc lore)

Crocodile's swimming abilities (croc lore)

Not lore but Sebek's/Crocodile's eyes (fav post)

Types of crocs

Crocodile pear pun

About lightning

bonus:

🐊Croccodile stimboard 🐊⚡️ Sebek stimboard⚡️

[quinloki]

What do you think the punishment for willingly going with teach is when they’re hunted down, caught and brought back to the moby dick?

Its getting me thinking, it would definitely be a lot greater because someone almost died

Would thatch be the main one dishing it out? (Pun intended)

Oh Nonnie wants me to go dark dark, huh?

Cw: dark themes, sensory deprivation, gas lighting, mentions of amputation and torture as possibilities, referring to reader as a toy or thing,

I feel like there would be a lot of depravation - and Thatch would definitely be the one who would decide when it was over, considering his near death experience.

I feel like you’d be isolated, some small interior room with no windows, no clothes. You get food when they give it to you, and maybe a bucket.

The irony being it wouldn’t be all that different from being consumed by Teach’s Devil fruit power.

If they do let you out of the room, your senses are still bound - blind folds, ear plugs, hands and feet bound, etc. you still need sun and exercise and such, it’s a punishment not an execution.

But you lose all rights for a while. No one will speak to you. No matter what you say or how you beg or apologize it won’t matter. There’s no safe word to spare you, no apology you can offer.

Once you’re near to breaking from it all, the binds will come off. They’ll have a conversation with you, tell you how they forgive you, how good you did enduring your punishment, how they know you’ll never abandoned them like that again.

And you agree.

The next few days you’re tangled up in all of them until you pass out. You’re sure things don’t end at that point, you’re always clean and bandaged the next day, if not sore to your bones. It’s only when Marco’s powers can’t quite heal you that they start to let you truly rest.

Now, admittedly, I can see punishments being far worse - actual torture, possible mutilation, branding, even amputation (not gonna run away without legs, no matter what you promise, etc.) but I personally don’t see any of them being *that* kind of yandere or dark.

Honestly, they’re just too powerful to feel a need to go to such an extreme. Izou and Marco are too strategic to let someone push them to that point. Thatch probably wants his sweet little doll completely unmarred as well. They wouldn’t risk anything Marco couldn’t heal, and gratefully his healing for others is limited.

Yandere Doffy, or Teach too. Buggy even. I can see them being that kind of twisted. (Doffy promises you won’t miss your legs, he can string you along so easily.)

Crocodile… nah, he’s too much of a planner and a controller. He doesn’t like breaking his things either.

Yandere Akainu would be terrifying. That’s a real body horror story if ever there was one. Yandere Shanks would only be less extreme cause that observation haki of his gives him so much control.

Yandere Kid could get ugly - he doesn’t mind breaking his things. I just think he puts effort into avoiding it because it feels like he did something wrong if he’s forced to break a toy.

[i-have-a-mouth-so-i-must-scream]

Cross Guild Angst

🦅🗡️🤡✨🚬🐊

Currently stuck in bed due to a bad cold (clogged up nose and skull splitting headache), and just going through my old playlists.

Listening to a male cover version of Charlotte Lawrence's "Joke's on You" and my mind immediately came up with a Cross Guild Polycule angst scenario where Croc and Mihawk did/said something that triggered the clown's insecurities real bad and deeply hurt Buggy. So bad that it left the clown feeling like their whole relationship is a lie and that it's all just a big joke at his expense 😢🤡.

Que Buggy's heartbreak and quiet resignation that nobody will ever want or truly love him for him. He bottles up all his emotions and turmoil, and just accepts that reality.

So, slowly and steadily, Buggy starts pulling away from the both of them emotionally while acting like nothing has changed, so that when the shoe comes down and his so called lovers come clean about the whole situation, how they only needed something to entertain themselves with, like toying with him and his emotions, the fallout wouldn't hurt him as much as they think it will.

Basically Buggy going all, "Haha! How silly of me! No one could ever possibly want me! I'm a cowardly failure and a hack with no redeeming qualities! It was real dumb of me to ever consider these two powerful and handsome men would even consider loving me! lmfao!... It's okay though!... I just should have seen it sooner... Silly me lol..." 🤡😅😂🤣😄😌🥲😢💔💔💔

Unbeknownst to the Star Clown, Crocodile and Hawk Eyes have slowly started to notice that something was up with their clown. Their interactions were getting colder, his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes anymore, he stopped bothering them at all but, when he does it's strictly for business, his expressive eyes have lost that warm sparkle that he had for them and worst of all, any private time they have with him seems almost... detached, in some way (no devil fruit pun intended).

When they ask (confront) him about it, the clown just laughs it off like it's some hilarious inside joke between the three of them. They brush it off as Buggy being dramatic and everything just carries on like nothing happened.

They don't realize until it literal months later that what they did/said caused him so much grief that his insecurities flared up so bad that he started believing that they never did love him in the first place. That they were that cruel to use him like that.

By then, Buggy had quietly moved all his stuff back into his private tent and had stopped sleeping with them altogether.

He was still Buggy the Star Clown. Loud, flamboyant and overly flashy Emperor of the Sea... but he wasn't their Buggy anymore.

All in all, I just wanna see those two goons unknowingly fumble the bag and have a total "Oh, shit!" moment and scramble to get their heartbroken clown back.

[empressofmankind]

Hooked On You

[Crocodile x F!OC]

Explicit with a capital E

Word count: 1.7k / 5 pages

(A/N) Featuring Crocodile and Shivs when they were still a thing. I don't know what force of nature even kept these two together. Actually, I do. Its shared and unresolved heinous trauma, and coping through mutual enabling with a side dish of codependency. They have so many problems. Gambling problems. Drinking problems. Marital problems. Who's gonna tell them sex isn't therapy? I am counting on you, Robin.

This is the same time frame as 'The House Always Wins', so ten years prior to the actual story and likely after hours at Rain Dinners. There's a joke in here somewhere about trouble in Paradise - literally, as that is where Arabaste is located. I haven't a clue in which larger fic I will stick this, but it is likely a long way off and it felt selfish not to share it.

Tag(s): Absolutely inappropriate use of that hook. Does it count as foreign object play? Probably. Its not a knife but I am going to say knife play because it is a stabbing weapon. I am sure the knife crowd is down. Thoroughly drunk sub, though he ain't sober either. We get a whiff of that daddy vibe of his, too. Obsessive and controlling behaviour? Definitely. Edging? The worst. Begging? Totally. Absolutely filthy language. I keep forgetting how foul-mouthed he is. Some mild degrading? Yes. What else? Are they still dressed? Yes. Married? For better and for much worse. Size difference? Still relevant. Power imbalance? Yes, she's so drunk. And so horny. He could turn her any which way rn.

My sincerest apologies for this title being the worst pun known to man, but the besties were asnooze and I had to make do.

🐊 🐊🐊

Hooked On You

“Ssh,” Crocodile said, his eyes hooded as he gazed down at Shivs, sprawled in his lap and across the couch. Her sparkly cocktail dress hitched up to her waist, showing off dark stockings against pale thighs. Who knew where she'd lost her heels? He stroked a red bang from her eye. It gazed up at him, large with need and drink. Again.

“Careful, honey,” he rumbled as his gaze lingered on her bare pussy. Watching her labia part against the smooth metal as he gingerly ran the tip of his hook between them. Felt her shudder, heard her quiet, plastered moan as her legs twitched towards each other. He didn't like it when she drank this much. “Keep those pretty thighs apart or you'll hurt yourself.”

He spread her open with two fingers, her inner folds slick and shimmering with her juices already. And touched the curved tip against the small, moist folds concealing her entrance. The breathy huff that drew from her fogged his thoughts with hazy lust, the ravenous beast within him stirring from its slumber. She was such a needy thing, and he wanted to see it. Wanted to see her eager little hole contract around the metal, grip at it with no hope of finding purchase. Watch her sweet juices run rivulets down its curve as she came for him, and only him.

She rolled her hips, and he stopped her promptly. Her protesting whine was as slurred as her speech had been. She squirmed, but he kept her put. His hook wasn’t sharp, per say, but it would not give in the way his cock would if she foolishly shoved her needy little cunt into it.

He waited till she stilled, fingertips brushing the edge of lace between stocking and thigh. When he dipped the cool tip between her moist inner folds, her legs twitched further apart for him. And the gluttonous creature inside Crocodile burred happily, devoured the pretty sight. He lightly, carefully, dragged the tip along her inner walls, searching for the sensitive spot just a little ways inside of her on memory alone.

A whimper, when he found it.

Her pitched moan as music to his ears when he stroked it again.

“Oh-ah!” 

Her hands shot down, weakly, drunkenly, scrabbling at the metal as she tried to tug him closer, feel more, feel everything, just the way she would if it were his fingers dug knuckle deep into her moist cunt. But it wasn’t.

“Shh,” Crocodile shushed against her red hair as he gathered her wrists away before she hurt herself with her blind need. She glanced up at him with such drunken lust that he almost forgot he was upset with her.

“You’ll hurt yourself if you’re not careful,” he said, his hooded gaze on her parted lips, her panting breaths. And kissed her as he pressed the tip of his hook against that sweet, sensitive spot, gradually increasing pressure until she squirmed in his lap and moaned into their kiss.

“What is it?” he whispered against her bated breath as he paused and devoured the garbled, indecipherable plea that spilled from her lips. “You want me to fuck you with it? Is that what you want, doll?”

“Y-yes, p-plea-ah!”

Her precious mewls and the way she writhed in his hold with barely contained need spilled like gasoline onto the smouldering fire of his own desire.

“I can’t do that, honey,” he said as he gingerly guided it deeper, tracing the inward curve of her tight vagina, a passage he knew so well. “It’ll hurt you.”

She twisted in his lap and he had to pin her hips down, palm flat against her belly, to stop her rocking into his touch. She absolutely could hurt herself with her reckless, drunken actions.

“N-need. You-ah,” she whined in a tone that made him so hard. Made him want to toss her around, pull up that firm ass and fuck her sopping pussy full of cum like she deserved. A low, guttural groan clawed its way from his throat as he pressed her narrow hips down, pushed her butt unto his aching cock as he held her put. He wrestled the rapacious beast down, but only just. 

Soon, he promised himself.

“G-gim. Me. Ah-shole,” she complained. Her hands fisted into the cushion and the fabric of his pants, her knuckles bright and bruised.

“Ts-tsk. That is no way to talk to your husband.” He carefully withdrew his hook, her slick cunt making a delicious noise around the metal. “Don’t I take good care of you, sweetheart?”

“N-ngh-eed,” she whined as he slid the tip back into her with a smooth, languid push that followed the curve of her tight passage as far as it would go. “N-need you. T-to-oh-OH!”

“To what?” He mused against her hair as he stroked her lower belly, watched the muscles there clench and tremble at the lightest touch. The urge to bury his cock into her warm, snug hole clawed at his sanity like a living thing. He needed to have her. But he wanted to see. Wanted to watch her cramping pussy grasp at the metal as she came for him mewling his name. 

“You need a little help?” Crocodile said as he traced his fingers down to her pubes. “Is that it, doll?”

Shivs nodded, fingers digging into fabric and his thigh, barely managing a reply. “Y-yuh.”

He ran his fingertips in broad, lazy circles around her sensitive bud, never quite touching it. “You need a little help to make your sweet cunny make you feel so good?”

“Y-yes.”

“Why should I? You’ve been nothing but trouble.” He slid his middle finger down through her wet folds, teasing the hot, slick skin where his hook dug into her sensitive, pliable hole. “Tossing patrons, wrecking the floor, ransacking the bar. Why should I reward that kind of behaviour?”

“Am s-so,” she babbled as she arched her hips towards his touch. It felt good. Bad. Better than she’d ever thought it could.

“What was that, doll?”

“Am s-sor,” she wheezed as his thumb ghosted across her clit. “Ror-ry.”

“Didn’t quite catch that.”

“I s-said I am s-sorry!”

“Are you?”He teased her sensitive bud, delighted in the way she twitched, the way her toes curled. “Such sweetly false promises from my darling wife.”

“F-fuck you, C-croc-odile.”

Her fist came at his face half-heartedly, trembling from drink and desire. He caught it and pressed kisses against her bruised knuckles. “Yes, you will.”

When he reached down to rub his ring and middle finger across her clit, her fist latched onto his shirt, her fingers digging into the expensive fabric as she arched into his touch and hook, both, with the loveliest raw cry. He relished how much she wanted it.

He gathered her closer to him, keeping her hips locked against his own to stop them moving. He massaged her needy bud firmly, rubbing his fingers roughly against her the way he knew she craved. “Say my name again.”

“Hnn. Mmm. Croco-dile,” she whined drunkenly.

A deep grunt escaped him, his cock throbbing beneath her as he rubbed her aching bud between his fingers. He drew his hook back, lightly caressing the tip along her inner walls, searching. 

“Again.” 

“Croc-oh-dile!”

He could tell from her pitch he’d found it. The spot he knew would make her see stars.

“Once more?” he rumbled into her ear as she trembled against him, so ready to reward him. To show him what he wanted, needed. He watched her tether for a breathless moment, watched her slick pussy clench around his hook. Then nudged her across with a sudden, sharp tap into that sweet, sweet spot.

“Cro-oh. Ah! Yes!” she wailed, and he savoured the way his name broke as she lost it.  “P-plea-uh. Yess!” 

He struggled to keep her trashing in check as her orgasm ripped through her. Forcefully pinned down her narrow hips as they bucked against his firm grip. He kept the pressure on her little cum spot, rubbed her clit through her peak. His hungry gaze fixed on her sopping pussy, watching her tight hole spams around his hook. Her sweet cum gushing out, running down the slick metal and dripping from its curve.

She was perfect like this, and all his. 

And always would be.

“My darling wife is such a pretty slut, and ever so sweet to me,” he murmured into her ear as she calmed down, her panting breath slowing, steadying. The sweet trembles racking her body subsiding. “Able to cum on anything I put in her needy little hole. Even my hook.”

He drank in her blissful, fucked-out look as she gazed up at him through heavy lashes, the caress of too much alcohol lingering behind her flushed cheeks and bright eye. Her lips were parted, an edge of teeth visible. 

He withdrew his hook, and groaned at her meek whine and the way she reached for it. She was such a needy little thing. The ever-hungry creature within him stirred with a satisfied burr, never quite done feasting on her, devouring her every word, action, noise, sin. 

“You know what I am going to do after this?” 

He brushed her fussy touch from his hook, caught her fingers in his own as he rested the slick metal against her flat belly. The ravenous beast roared, no longer tolerating being ignored.

“I am going to wreck your pretty cunt and stuff it full of cum until you come apart beneath me,” he said as he pressed a kiss against her bruised knuckles, catching her bright, greedy gaze. “You need that, don’t you, honey?”

He didn’t wait for an answer.

🐊 🐊🐊

Horny hell seat reservations - @ruledbyproblematique @littlemountainwolf @fanaticsnail @tiredemomama

[luffyvace]

Boa Hancock & Neferatari Vivi x female reader for women’s day!!

ik I’m late to women’s day guys!! But I’m still gonna participate! (Totally not an excuse to write for some of my fav op girls that I haven’t written much for yet)

Hancock x a fem reader would be like the ultimate alternative timeline to her not falling in love with luffy lol

let’s say your in the kuja pirates specifically,

that would make more sense as to how you got closer since your on the same crew and obviously get to interact with her more versus just fan girling in the crowd lolol 😂

just the same as luffy, she’d realized her love for you after getting worried for your safety and feeling ill (love sick 😀) mid expedition at the fact that you might be hurt

when everyone gets back to the boat she tried to unsuspectingly scope you out (tried because she was actually frantically searching for someone and wouldn’t say who as everyone panicked-) and as soon as she saw you she sighed in relief! But soon after, she started blushing and she felt a warm fuzzy feeling!

what was this? Is this what they call..? Love?!

it was such a joyous feeling..! She couldn’t believe she was feeling such intense emotions at your presence alone!

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”all right..!”

”right..!”

”right..”

Your words echoed over and over again in Hancock’s spinning head. You..we’re worrying for her?! Your so…kind!- So!- so!- your such a selfless woman!!

and yeah that’s pretty much how it went HAHAH

you can pretty much guess you’ll get special treatment from then on, she’s in love with you after all!! Naturally it’s her duty to protect her lover! 😊 (you haven’t even asked her out yet Hancock! - Glorisa)

she invites you into the palace and gives you the best food and treatment straight away!! Put your feet up dear! Are you hot? tired? Do you need water?? “Hurry up and bring the giant fans! My lover is hot!”

no pun intended even though you are 😉

“lover..? Lady hebihime..! May I ask what your talking about..😅”

”o-oh! W-well..I was just thinking…maybe…we could go on a date..?! ☺️😅”

“ME?? Hebihime!! I- I’m honored but what brought this about?! This is….strangely sudden, you know? Not trying to be rude!-”

”Hancock!”

”eh??- I mean!- hebihim-”

”Hancock!! Y-you..can call me Hancock..if you’d like!- I mean if you’d prefer to call me something else like a pet name, honey or dear m-maybe-…!”

”But!- hebihime-”

“-And to answer your question! What brought this about……I’m not sure myself…I have no idea actually, I found myself worrying about you and when I saw you again….When I saw you..! When I…..Kyaaa! 😍”

”Hancock!! Are you all right?! What happened!?

“ !!….You…! You!- You said my name!! This must be..! This must be!! What they call!- Engagement!~ 😍😍”

”huh?? 😀 hebihime?-“

“No! Go back! Don’t call me hebihime anymore!! We’re getting married next month so!- So call me by my name from now on! Okay honey?! 😍💗”

*mutters while being carried bridal style by Hancock* “I’m getting married…to the hebihime..😵‍💫💫”

and yes you actually did get married the next month :)

being the wife of the pirate empress is the liiiife 😎👍 you get whatever you want, whenever you want and however much you want of it!! Without a question! Your words are as absolute as sold gold on the island of women! Hancock will likely even ignore elder nyon/Glorisa for you <3

and yeah you can pretty much just imagine your dream life for the rest! Expect that to become your reality when married to Hancock bc even thanos snap can’t compare 🗿😭

Vivi is such an awesome girl - honorable mention okay? 😤👏

let’s say your not a straw hat tho :) just for funzies :3 imagine you’ve lived on alabasta just as long as she has and even infiltrated Baroque works with her. And also helped save alabasta!

best friends to lovers anyone?? Lesbian edition >:> 👩‍❤️‍👩 🧡🤍💖🏳️‍🌈

after it’s all said and done, and crocodile is defeated, you two say cya to the straw hats and you help Vivi rebuild her kingdom

somewhere during the time things start looking up as for alabasta’s cleanup, she confesses! Oops spoiler :}

“hey!!..I’ve been looking all over for you 😅”

“Oh hey Vivi! What is it?”

”oh nothing I just, well it’s not nothing…can we talk? Uh- you know..in private?”

”oh yeah sure! Come inside I was just cleaning up heheh, excuse the mess..”

“It’s nothing! Really, it’s fine no need to be so formal…we’re close, right?”

“Yeah :) what is it you wanted to talk about though? Is it something bad I’m nervous 😃”

”Oh! Nononono! Nothing bad nothing bad!-“

*sigh of relief* “hah, that’s good 😅”

*awkward yet adorable giggles come from both you and Vivi*

“well..what I wanted to talk about was…us, as in…who we are”

“Oh no Vivi don’t come out and tell me we’re aliens now we’ve barely finished cleaning up alabasta! 😭😂😂”

”what?? Hey! No! I-I’m trying to be serious here! 🤦‍♀️“

”OH! Oops 😄 go ahead go ahead!”

“I meant who we are as in, as a….relationship! Like- um..we’re friends right? Soo..if we could be……”

“Vivi..you mean..?”

”YEAH! 😭😅 I mean if- if we could be..more, if- if you want if not we can just stay friends-“

”No! I- hahah, I honestly never thought you’d ask, like- literally! I’ve kinda been waiting but you never did so is assumed-“

lots of awkward laughing and explaining of feelings ensue from there 💗(🏳️‍🌈😜)

actually being in a relationship with her includes training, yes training, because you never know what could happen. Just as crocodile happened and no one knew he would. So from now on she wants to be prepared, she refuses to be blindsided again—for the sake of her people!

she’s a cute mix of awkward, kind and a tad bit shy 💗 it’s like, she almost wouldn’t know how to act around you if you weren’t so close, but you are! So that makes things easier :)

she’s highly knowledgeable and I feel she’d have quiet a bit of hobbies. if you like to do similar things she’d love to partake in those activities with you! But if you have different interests, exploring each one as you teach her about them would be fun too! <3

Vivi is a literally princess, which means as her lover you get princess treatment! 😘 (all puns intended) She can afford it after all! Pell and Vivi’s father would adore you! You make Vivi so happy, how can they not?!

she talks about you more often than you know 🤫 “Dad!! Don’t tell her that!- it’s kind of embarrassing you know?!” oops Vivi heard him

well anyway 😊

Vivi is a very caring and protective lover as seen with Nami (when she stayed by her side the whole time she was ill). So of course that’s not any different when it comes to you, it’s highly likely Vivi knows first aid so if you get a minor injury? Be more careful!! 🩹❤️‍🩹💋 A major injury?! Hurry! Rush her to the royal hospital! Quickly! Giver her the best treatment! It’s okay, relax, she’s here 💖

Vivi will be with you through thick and thin and her loyalty is unwavering. She may not be the strongest banana in the bunch but she’ll certainly defend you with all she has if it comes down to it! 😤💪

Also!!! Can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet!!- Karoo!!!! Karoo loves you <33 Vivi thinks your bond is adorable, especially how Karoo always lets you ride on him :} you bring him snacks and drinks and he runs to you each time. If your tired of walking he’ll carry you without complaints as well so that’s a perk!

I feel the other spot billed ducks would love you as well! Karoo probably tells them how great you are 🤗 You might even like one of them enough to make them your duck! (I would, they seem cooler than a freezer 😎👍)

Okayyy~ lovely readers, followers and anyone new here..!

I hope you enjoyed these headcanons!!~

[ideas-4-stories]

Inspired by the "buggy gets stabbed with a seastone knife but defeats the assassin" anon and subsequent post.

Buggy really would have had SO MANY SCARS. He's immune to cuts and chops and slices. Not blunt force trauma, burns, bullets, whips, etc. Also he was a pirate apprentice on GOL D. ROGER'S SHIP!! He ate that devil fruit young, sure, but he was still a pirate before then and I highly doubt that that, nor whatever his early life was, would lead to pristine, unblemished skin.

Also - freckles. Give Buggy Freckles 2024.

Anyway, yeah, Buggy would have a MOSAIC of scars and tattoos - many of which have meanings the likes of which are lost to most. Also projection, but Buggy has a medusa tattoo somewhere on his person. Yes the one who did the tattoo for him was on the crew, and still is. Yes they are also the defacto therapist on the island. It's good pay and they get to add Names to the I'll Kill Them One Day list ((it's a whole book. With five volumes. It's on going.))

I have... an angry idea. For Buggy shrugging off seastone wounds and using his own injury as an opening. Roger would have wanted the boys STRONG but happy and safe. He saw so much of himself in Shanks that the attention was perceived as preferential treatment. Shanks was the heavy hitter with potential and skill and charisma -

Buggy was the supporting cast.

Rayleigh, unable to help Roger through the illness, through so many things, projected that onto Buggy ((Very Pearl + Connie, if you know Steven Universe, before Steven stepped in to set that record straight)). Ray would make sure Buggy was strong enough for Shanks. He put that kid through the WRINGER, and it was arguably hell. Buggy came out stronger but also far more terrified - so much so that he struggled to even utilize that strength in any true way. Rayleigh declared it a failure. Apologized to Buggy for 'failing to make him good enough'.

This did a number on him.

One thing that lasted was his frankly unsettling tolerance to water and seastone. He still works on it, and he never quite dropped it. He always has at least one seastone earring in because it's both smth he HAS to do and also it slows down his brain a little, dulling the edge of his normal panic. Like a crystal girlie but far more literal.

This isn't his first rodeo with seastone weapons either - he may have been in the East, but he was still a decently renowned criminal with a hefty bounty. He's an old hand at this!

Still hurts like a bitch though.

He'd absolutely make the dumbest puns too. "Don't worry, I'm in STABle condition! :oD"

"You need stitches, you utter buffoon."

"That wasn't very- hnn- knife of you."

"Please pass out from bloodloss."

"You cut me so deep, Hawkyyy- OW?!"

"Seas save me"

Crocodile is fighting between yelling louder, committing three felonies, laughing, and shutting the clown up. Be it by choking him or kissing him is up for debate. The doctor, used to Buggy's antics, just hands him a fidget toy. "Don't touch the wound, my supplies or try to move yet. Solve the rubix cube before you even consider getting up."

"Boring-"

"I'll tell the kitchen to make hotdogs if you do."

Buggy is now very focused on the pretty color cube.

Oh, referring to this post gotcha!

Yeah, Buggy totally would because he’s a chemist, working with all those bombs and the guy looks like he would trip sometimes while working. Buggy has to have burn scars (I’m pretty sure somewhere, someone said that Buggy has star-shaped, firework burns on his hands. Part of the reason he hides his hands away, I like that idea even that means Buggy got hurt) Now it an idea that I got when I was half-asleep, that I read in the morning with confusion… a cannonball… I don’t why my sleepy brain decided that, but now thinking about it would have to be a ricochet cannonball that he survived from (to be honest Buggy seems like a person who would survive a cannonball to the head, like some Monkey family we know) Then with probably the logical route of bullets, whips, etc… are from being hunted by marines and enemies of the Roger Pirates before he somehow blends into the background and people forgot about him.

I would say Buggy would have eaten his devil fruit around nine years old, for the AU I’m trying to writ… Also freckles… HELL FUCK YEAH!!! I love that idea; it would be so cute on him!!! Scattered all around his body, totally seen him connecting them into shapes and patterns when he’s bored and has nothing else to do.

Definably, he’s a pirate, of course he has many scars, and Buggy having at least 10 tattoos ranging from large too small. I don’t think Buggy ever has sat someone down to explain them, or maybe he has and stopped because people not understanding. Ooooooo, I look up what the Medusa tattoo means, I like to think it’s for survival and strength. With my idea for two long tattoos, I think they would be a mixture of different flowers with hidden things between them - like hidden treasure to find, those tattoos have meanings as well as some funny ones around his body as well. Because it’s Buggy, of course, he will at least have one fucking funny one.

I love an idea their defacto therapist, I think I’ve already have a OC for the job and yes, love the book called I'll Kill Them One Day list. Love that it has five volumes, you know some of those names are crossed off and it continues to grow.

This is an angry idea indeed, poor Buggy… as we see that Buggy is not supporting cast, with his followers (they are like cult followers in a way) and his crew. Basically pushed to the side for Shanks to be the one in the spotlight as the “leader” of the two (I definitely doubt that Shanks didn’t look up to Buggy during sometimes when they were cabin boys)

Oh fuck, no wonder why Buggy hasn’t talk to Rayleigh and makes my idea of them meeting as cold and awkward. Like Rayleigh would greet with nicknames from long ago, expecting the same as what he remembered last of Buggy, only to have Buggy to greet him coldy. Either, with Dark King Rayeleigh or Slivers Rayleigh instead of nicknames that he use to call Rayleigh.

Why…why projected his problems onto Buggy! Like of course that did a number on Buggy, ecspeaily after Ray apologized to Buggy for ‘failing to make him good enough’... You can’t say that to a fucking child, you know they will think it’s all their fault! I mean look at Buggy, he already has enough problems with his self-esteem, he doesn’t need anymore!!!

Poor Buggy, going thtough hell because Rayleigh wants him strong like him to keep Shanks safe because he’s being as stupid as Roger. It makes sense that Buggy can’t use his strength because of being afraid and worrying so much (Buggy is definitely a worry-wort)

I agree with Buggy has an high tolerance to water and seastone, I mean Buggy seemed to of been a really good swimmer from how angry he is from Shanks scaring him and making him swallow the Bara Bara fruit (if not, then it’s a headcanon for me that he’s a really good swimmer before he swallowed the devil fruit) You think he would just stop going into the water? I mean I can see Buggy finding those small pools of water on a beach… I forgot what they are called, anyway you think he wouldn’t go in them to feel the sea? I think Buggy would.

Oooooo a seastone earring or some other type of seastone jewelry on his body. That’s interesting, I’ve never thought about it. The seastone helps him corrals his chop chop powers from doing all the time as well. Calming his brain, dulling the edge of his normal panic is a clever way, bro probably found how much seastone he needs to do so. From this post, Buggy has to have some edibles mixed into brownies or some other type of pastry (it’s now a headcanon for me) Dude has to have some drugs to calm down with the stress that Crocodile and Mihawk have put him through.

Yeah, it's definitely not Buggy’s first rodeo with seastone weapons, I can see Buggy being hunted by people during the time after Roger was killed and I see that’s the time where most of his seastone wounds came from. I wonder now if Buggy hordes the seastone weapons that people attacked him with?… I’ve decided yes, Buggy would keep them.

I stand for Buggy making the dumbest and baddest puns when he is hurt, especially when he gets attacked by seastone weapons. It takes his mind off of the pain they give him (Also the banter between Buggy and Mihawk you made is chefs’ kiss)

Both Crocodile and Mihawk just being done with Buggy and quite disturbed by how Buggy handles his pain. Mihawk wants him to shut up and sit still, while Crocodile is fighting between screaming, committing felonies (like he hasn’t committed felonies more than enough), laughing his ass off, then wanting to either choke Buggy or kiss him to shut the clown up. That’s so them, and Buggy is getting a little shit like always.

This doctor is just like the doctor OC; Kuo-Lee, I’ve created to be the Buggy Pirates medic. Really, being done with what Buggy does and uses things to keep him still. This is so right, handing him a fidget toy, saying that if he is good than he’ll tell the kitchens to give their captain is favorite food. Yeah, that will make Buggy sit as still as he can, to be honest, Buggy isn’t one to sit still.

[helluvaoutlaw]

Striker's Family

Here's my version of Striker's family, a canon-divergent one.

And yes, they're all dead.

Each character I created has their own art piece made by

GardenGoyle on Twitter.

The commission took her a long time (understandably so, since I asked her to draw five different characters), but she was extremely professional and talented, and overall did a wonderful job.

Enjoy!

Anvil, Striker's father:

Anvil was a stoic and reserved man.

Half imp and half reptile demon, he used to be a blacksmith, and he embodied hard work, dedication, and an unyielding spirit.

Anvil was a demon of few words, letting his actions speak for him. He showed his love and care not through words, but through his protective nature and small, thoughtful gestures. His strong sense of duty and responsibility made him a dependable figure, someone who was always there when needed, even if he didn't say much. Despite his tough exterior, Anvil had a good heart, and his iron will was matched by the depth of his quiet love for his family.

I took inspiration by @umnokorito works about their version of THICC!Striker, which you can find here:

(and yes, I asked them permission to use her idea of a more crocodile version of Striker, wanting to use the same concept for his father)

June, Striker's mother:

June was a lively and spirited Wrathian imp, full of energy and wit.

She was smart, sassy, and always brought a sense of cheerfulness to those around her. Before marrying and becoming a full-time housewife, she worked at a diner, but her passion for life extended beyond work; she loved dancing and singing, often filling her home with music. She taught Striker how to play guitar, passing on her love for music. June was also very protective of her family and was quick to defend them, especially when anyone criticized them. Unlike her husband, she was more expressive, both in her joy and in her anger, showing her fierce love openly.

Cole, the Mentor:

Cole was a laid-back imp, often appearing drowsy and slow, but beneath that exterior, he was an extremely skilled gunslinger with quick reflexes and incredible aim.

He possessed sharp wits and a unique sense of humor, especially fond of puns. Cole lived by his own code of honor, valuing justice above all else. When he took Striker under his wing as a child, he became both a mentor and a father figure, teaching him everything about cowboy life, gunslinging, and survival.

Cole had a strong sense of justice, particularly against the rich and powerful, whom he despised for their mistreatment of lower demons. His rebellion against oppression, along with his unmatched skills, deeply shaped Striker's worldview and abilities, making Cole an essential influence in his life.

Ember, Striker's wife:

Ember was a rowdy, passionate, and tomboyish imp woman who loved having fun and was always ready for action.

Before settling down on a small farm with Striker and having a child, she worked as a bounty hunter, thriving in the thrill of the chase. She was also an expert mechanic, proudly owning a motorcycle and a dune buggy, preferring them over horses, much to Striker's amusement. Ember's vibrant energy and adventurous spirit made her a perfect match for Striker, and she remained his great love, bringing excitement and joy into their lives together.

She's the reason why Striker has a gold capped fang: they were chasing the same criminal, and she punched Striker in the face so she could get the bounty first.

Jackson, Striker's son:

Jackson was an intelligent and curious child, far ahead of his age in terms of knowledge.

He had a deep love for reading, especially sci-fi and fantasy, and dreamed of becoming a veterinarian when he grew up. Despite his bright mind, he was very shy, often preferring the comfort of his books and the company of his pet horned lizard, Felix.

Jackson adored both his parents and shared a close bond with them. He also had a passion for collecting minerals, spending hours examining and categorizing his finds. His gentle nature and love for animals reflected the kindness and curiosity that defined him.

There we go, I'll probably add more details later, but for now this will do.

If you want to know more about my Striker's origins, follow the link.

Please let me know what y'all think!

@keenie-bopper @second-wife-playbook @grandma-susan

@umnokorito

@ultio-angelus

[princess-of-the-corner]

Miraculous Sonic

(Listen, I have had a DAY, so I’m going to relate a discussion I had with my 4-year-old Nephew about this, cause honestly, It’s pretty funny)

premise: What animals would the Miraculous Ladybug characters be, if they got dropped into the Sonic World?

First, my nephew had to make me understand that just because a character had a certain miraculous, it didn’t mean they were that animal in Sonic. Because Sonic is a Hedgehog, but he would ABSOLUTELY have either the Monkey or the Black Cat, you see. The reasoning is OBVIOUS, apparently, because he did not feel the need to explain.

(Again, keep in mind - my nephew is 4)

so

Marinette - a mouse. Nephew’s argument was that she reminded him of the mice in Disney’s Cinderella (animated). This is his favourite movie. 

Sabine & Tom - Sabine is also a mouse, but Tom is a rat, apparently. Because they are bigger, you see.

Adrien - this was very divided. He’s either a golden retriever, or a cat. Specifically, nephew’s best friend’s cat, Caramel (basically a blonde tabby, with gray-green eyes, and a few brown spots), only with “an actual tail” (Caramel’s tail had to be half-docked at some point). He also argued that, if he’s a cat, Adrien should be declawed, because Gabriel wouldn’t let him keep his claws (Jesus, kid). If he’s a dog, nephew said Gabriel would put him in a fancy prong-collar, or possibly a shock one (JESUS, KID).

Emilie & Gabriel - Emilie is a dog, a very fancy, sleek golden retriever/poodle mix. Gabe is apparently a Sphinx cat. I pointed out they wouldn’t be able to have a kid together. He argued that since Adrien is a Senti, this did not matter.

Amelie & Felix - Amelie is the same as Emilie, because they are twins, but Felix is apparently a grey cat.

Nathalie - a German Shepard. He refused to elaborate.

Alya - Alya is apparently an African Grey Parrot. Because she wants to be a reporter, so she “parrots” things she sees and hears (he didn’t know the exact pun, but that was the gist).

Nino - Gecko. Species unspecified, but he showed me a picture of a brown-striped gecko with tiny headphones, so I assume that’s where that came from.

Alix - “you know the snakes with legs? The speedy one! She’s that!” He refers to several lizards as “snakes with legs”, but based on context, I assume he means the basilisk lizard, which is very fast and can run on water. He occasionally calls it “Scaly Jesus”, cause that’s what his uncle calls them, to the disapproval of the grandparents, and the laughter of the rest of us.

Kim - Kim is a tiger, because they like swimming. But a smaller tiger.

Rose - He kept saying she was the “real bouncy hamster” I think he meant Chinchilla? This one was less clear, but I THINK Chinchilla was what he was talking about? It might also have been gerbil, but he doesn’t like gerbils, so I think Chinchilla is a safe bet.

Max - Raven, because ravens and crows are smart.

Juleka & Luka - wolves, or wolf-dogs. Cause they howl, “and that’s BASICALLY singing.”

Mylene - This one was a bird. Not sure, again, but I THINK he meant a bird of paradise? Love bird? “One of the small, rainbow ones. With ‘tenna.”

Ivan - a bear. He also felt no reason to explain this one.

Nathaniel - monkey. One with a “Looooooooooooong tail” apparently. He once saw a small monkey with orange fur, and he loves that one in particular.

Marc - a raccoon. Because they have thumbs (???).

Chloé - a hummingbird. Specifically, the bumblebee hummingbird, because they are his favourite. (“It would fit in my mouth! But I don’t one in my mouth! But it could fit!”)

Sabrina - otter, because that’s his Auntie Sabrina’s favourite animal, so that means ML!Sabrina is an otter.

Lila - ferret/weasel, they are interchangeable to him. 

Anarka - also a wolf. He spent a while drawing what I’m fairly certain was a wolf with a pirate’s hat.

Jagged Stone - is a crocodile, because he has Fang. I asked what that would make Fang, in this universe. Fang is apparently, to quote, “the safety guy. And they have kisses”, so Sonic version of Fang is apparently Jagged’s bodyguard/boyfriend?

André - a very big toad. Nephew said all his political rivals would be flies (o…k?).

Audrey - praying mantis, cause they scare him.

Fu - a tortoise, cause he’s been alive FOREVER.

-

These are absolutely perfect and I love them.

[wordy-little-witch]

What are the Strawhat Pirates reaction to Atlas?

All in all?

I can really see Nami and Zoro being Wildly Uncertain About This Child. For one, he's a tiny Buggy Seraphim. For another, he's.... gosh he's kinda dripping with trauma somehow?? Not sure how to react to all of that, really.

Zoror eventually settles on semi-distant acceptance. His not-dad adopted this one so it's kind of like having a step brother? Adopted brother? Small sibling. He doesn't know. Kid's pretty funny though, he's about this.

Nami meanwhile oscillates between Indifference and Wanting To Be The Cool Cousin. She isn't sure how to react or treat the kid ((interacting with children is.... wonky for her)). But once she and Atlas both warm up to each other, That's Her Best Friend. Matching sunglasses, both sipping fancy coffee/juice, Heavily Judging the fashion sense of those around them. ((Nami also knows SOME sign bc after Belle-mére's death, she had a stint of being semi verbal and Hachi taught her some)).

Usopp is SO EXCITED and also high key terrified. Kids, to him, kinda.... circumvent the Horrors. 11/10 Babysitter, cries when Atlas dubs him big brother Usopp, can and will put this child in his bag and go on "'"adventures"'". He's honestly less intimidated by Atlas than he is Birdie and Angel, but very quickly warms up to all three. Is one of the boys' most favorite Strawhats.

Sanji takes one look at this kid and goes "Oh. What the fuck happened here???" Atlas has some trauma red flags, and given that he is currently being raised by Buggy, Mihawk and Crocodile, he kind of immediately gets suspicious and defensive with them. Soon warms up and realizes that they are not in fact hurting the kid (any of them, since all three are a little Not Good in varying visibility), that the redflags are genetic memory imposed and that the three Guild leaders are actively trying to help. Regardless, while he is semi awkward with the kids, he makes it his mission to spoil them with fun snacks, treats, etc.

Chopper is sliiightly over protective but to comical results. Has a boo-boo kit that rarely gets used, and even when it does, it's mostly for playtime. Speaking of, PLAYMATE PLAYMATE PLAYMATE. Chopper really loves them all, and while he does worry a lot, he adores all three of the boys. Atlas specifically piques his interest as a doctor and a friend. AuDHD to AuDHD communication

Robin Is A Wine Aunt And She Is Thriving. She's relatively hands off but still vigilant to make sure everyone is safe. Atlas specifically tugs her heart strings, and when he lit up when she greeted him fluidly in sign, she damn near melted. He's so cute. She enjoys babysitting him especially ((Birdie and Angel too but in different ways)) because Atlas, much like his mama and much like auntie Robin, has a THIRST for knowledge. He loves reading and telling her all about his newest interests. She thinks he's cute as a button.

Franky thinks the seraphim are fascinating from a clinical stand point and outright abhorrent from an ethical perspective. He's just glad they have a family now, especially one that loves them so much. He also enjoys anyone who thinks something is SUPERRRR. Excitable kids? Excitable kids who are basically family themselves? Can't get more super than that. ((Absolutely the type of uncle-figure who loads them up on sugar, soda, etc and sends them home.))

Brook was nervous at that first meeting ngl. He's a skeleton. He's funny, yeah!! But kids.... are hit or miss - usually the latter. Except these little guys think he's SO COOL and their little starry eyes are adorable and charming and his heart is fit to burst - if he had one that is yohohoho~ ((Bonus points, Atlas loves skeleton puns and they can go for HOURS if not stopped or evened out by a third party)). And the littlest Seraphim is also... very cuddly when he's tired. It worried Brook at first, when he was there around nap time and Atlas wandered to him. Bone isn't exactly the best for cuddles, after all. But At just shook his head with a smile and replied warm inside, all I need, Brook-uncle gives good hugs. Sleep please? And who is Brook to turn down a sleepy child with such a sweet smile? Also the kid likes music, so extra bonus points!!!

Jimbei wasn't exactly hard certain on anything going into this, but Atlas is charming and cute and called him uncle and listen he's a simple man with a big heart and cute kids have a free pass to nuzzle right on in there against his will. He's one of few Buggy, Mihawk and Crocodile would trust fully with the kids longer than a few hours at a time. He probably teaches the kids martial arts and then releases them to cause safe chaos.

And best for last -> Luffy Is Vibrating. The kids are like. Step-sibling/cousins, and he LOVES them!!! So much!!!! Atlas is cuddly and Luffy is cuddly!! Atlas likes pranks and LUFFY LIKES PRANKS!!!!! They're two peas in a pod, and somehow when the two get together, Luffy actually has the braincell, much to everyone else's terror. He's protective and warm and playful and kinda.... almost mature. It's adorable. Atlas had some reservations - new people is hard enough but the hat... - and when Luffy seemed to pick up on that, he let it hang behind his shoulders. And when Atlas inevitably looks at it, so lost and mixed, Luffy would probably offer it over with a soft smile. And Atlas would cry. And Luffy would hold him as best he can with rubbery warm arms and a heart bursting with care. ((And when Buggy catches sight sometime later of the boys all playing and he sees his littlest boy laughing freely with a painfully familiar hat tipping over his eyes, swamping his kitty cat beanie, as a dark haired young man chases after him with a grin? Well... his tears are private, and so is the hurt and healing within))

[silvyadrakkon]

3 Under-Discussed Writer’s Block Busters

You all know me as an artist, but my first love will always be writing. And writer’s block is REAL. 

So I thought I’d throw out a few of my moderately unusual writer’s block busters to help my fellow authors.

Of course, the most common “answers” to writer’s block are:

Just keep writing, even if you don’t want to. (Something is better than nothing.)

Write now, edit later. (Leave your perfectionism at the door.)

Find what makes you most creative. (Play music, write during the same time of day, find good snacks, write in the right setting, and so on).

These are definitely helpful tips—things you 100% want to do whether you have writer’s block or not, but they’re not much use against more stubborn forms of creative constipation.

That’s where my three failsafe fix-its come in. They have always worked for me, no matter the situation. 

1. Change your writing method.

Story time! I haven’t been able to write for personal prodjects on a computer for four years—about as long as I’ve been writing and editing for my career. I associate my computer with business—even now that I’m between jobs.

My creativity freezes up whenever I try to work on one of my stories, and I get really distracted. Eventually I end up down a rabbit hole looking up limnic eruptions or different types of crocodiles, having only written a paragraph of a completely unrelated story. 

I swapped to hand-writing stuff just after my son was born, and that worked for a long time. I filled several notebooks with some great content (that will eventually be ready for you to read). But then my kid started walking, and I became his favorite chair.

If I have a pen, my kid wants it. And he won’t take a decoy pen. He specifically wants the pen in my hand, so writing when he’s awake is kind of out of the question. (I can only draw when he’s awake because I can balance my tablet on the back of our sofa.) Plus, those of you with munchkins know that you’re generally doing other responsible adult things when the kiddo is asleep, making writing then rather difficult.

I learned I can get a lot of writing done on my phone in the Apple Notes app. It sure beats doom-scrolling Tumblr and is a vast improvement over my retro minesweeper game when I’m spending some quality time in the bathroom. It’s also something I can write with when standing up, sitting on the couch, or hiding behind the baby gate on our stairs.

Can’t get the words out on Google Docs? Switch to Microsoft Word. Getting distracted on your computer? Handwrite your story—in a notebook or even on colorful construction paper. Don’t be afraid to experiment, even across the same story.

2. Get a second opinion.

I have a character floating around my WIPs who’s an absolute blast to write (I can unleash my full punning arsenal), but he’s also an ENFP, meaning we see the world in completely different ways. I often find myself stuck on how he would get out of the really nutty situations he often gets himself into. Thankfully, my ESFJ husband has really strong Extroverted Intuition (an ENFP’s dominant Jungian function), so I can often turn to him and ask, “What would be the dumbest could-work way you’d fix this problem?”

Asking for a second opinion is surprisingly low on most writer’s block fix-it lists, but it is by far one of the most helpful. I’ve been my mom’s developmental story consultant since I could read, and it’s been a great way for her to really churn out the novels. (It’s also a great motivation to finish your story because at least one person will be wanting to read it when you’re done.)

Even if you don’t take someone’s advice, it might still spark something that’ll propel your story forward.

3. Change your story’s direction.

Adapted from The Writing Life by Annie Dillard

Writing, in many ways, is a lot like digging a silver mine. As you rummage around your own head for precious nuggets (those really impactful scenes readers remember forever), you’re setting up a sturdy narrative shaft, using exposition and rising action to fortify walls so your story doesn’t collapse on itself.

Experienced miners know when a shaft isn’t structurally sound. They won’t willingly enter or work on a mine that could cave in on them, gauging the safety of the mine through small clues—clues their demanding boss is completely blind to. 

Your creative subconscious is a miner, and you, its employer. While not always, writer’s block could be an early sign that your story is about to collapse. Perhaps you’ve accidentally let a plot hole grow too large to fill with easy edits, or maybe the way you’re taking your story will fall flat, leaving you and your readers unsatisfied. Sure, you can force your creative subconscious to continue, but you’ll end up with a lot of unusable content in the end.

If you think you’re in a mine shaft writer’s block scenario, go back several plot points and start writing in another direction. If that doesn’t work, go back a few more plot points. While doing so may temporarily upset the plans you had for the novel, it will let you continue writing in peace and produce a better finished product.

[eliotquillon]

alex rider for the ask game :3

my favourite female character:

wow there’s just so many women in this series i can’t possibly choose! jk lmao.

for me it is sabina. my diva, my queen, the only character to consistently call alex on his shit and point out that for all his protests he keeps agreeing to do ‘one more mission’….i will never understand why people hate her (other than misogyny lmfao). i will forever be mad about that weird era of crocodile tears—never say die where ahorz turned her into a bit of a wet wipe because skeleton key/eagle strike sabina is so funny and headstrong and willing to give as good as she gets. i think she is one of the most realistic characters in the series (pun name aside) and her refusing to believe alex in eagle strike doesn’t make her evil or a fake friend…it makes her a teenage girl who was being gaslit by an intelligence agency. from sabina’s perspective the story is basically a horror movie: her best friend is being blackmailed and forced into putting his life at risk over and over, and there’s nothing she can do. there was never anything she could do. he chose danger and adventure over wanting to stay safe with her and her family and there was never any point in trying to change his mind because he is always going to be a little bit out of reach. i love her, and i think she balances alex out so well. forever mad that the tv adaptation didn’t have the foresight to realise that introducing kyra (who i love btw don’t get it twisted) and keeping her as a series regular was going to create some balancing issues with sabina, so they just turned tv sabina into a spineless caricature of all her worst traits because they didn’t need to worry about making her likeable like they did with kyra. book sabina i will love you forever.

my favourite male character:

am i allowed to say ‘the ghost of john rider that is perpetually haunting the narrative’. because to be clear it is the ghost of john rider that is perpetually haunting the narrative.

in all seriousness this is so difficult…i genuinely do love whatever the fuck is going on with the unreliable portrait of john that gets drawn throughout the series, but given that his only real appearance is in russian roulette (a book so filled with continuity errors/unreliable narration that for my own sanity i HAVE to assume that yassen is deliberately lying in at least parts of it) i don’t know if he sincerely counts as a ‘character’. although for what it’s worth i do fundamentally think that whoever john really was, he wasn’t a cut and dry ‘good person’ like we keep being TOLD to believe (too much contradiction going on with him for that).

it’s probably either general sarov OR alex himself. general sarov is cut and dry my favourite villain, is in my favourite book, and i could talk about his decision to shoot himself instead of alex (when sarov was 100% on the edge of victory!) forever. he’s such a tragic figure and i always find myself wishing that we’d gotten more villains like him…characters who genuinely weren’t cut-and-dry evil, whose motivations were actually kind of reasonable apart from the fact that the endgame/means to get to it were all wrong. but since i’m probably gonna talk a lot about skeleton key anyway i’ll put a pin in that. ALEX in the meantime…i love him so much. i love his smug one-liners, i love his fits of bad temper, i love that he never does what he’s told. and i also love how wistful he is. there’s a lot of moments, especially in the earlier books, where it’s clear that alex was actually already pretty fucked up from the simple fact of not knowing his parents. he’s been grappling with that big gnawing question of ‘who am i, really’ for a long time. he has so much guilt and shame. killing is for grown-ups and he’s still a child. i never really got into any of the other ‘teen spy’ novels when i was a kid and i think the reason why i latched onto alex rider specifically is because he is such a good protagonist. as an adult he is still so interesting because it becomes so much clearer how scared and insecure he is a lot of the time. i love him.

my favourite book/season/etc:

my fave season of the show is s1 fyi. ANYWAY.

as previously mentioned my fave book in the series is skeleton key. it is so many things. it’s a coming of age story. it’s a reverse whodunnit. it’s a story about grief. it is so, so uniquely of its time. alex continuously tries and fails at playing happy families (the pleasures, troy and turner, sarov) and never quite hits any of the right notes in any of them because he doesn’t know what it would look like. sarov would rather burn the world than admit that he sent his son to die in a useless proxy war and that it was his fault. it is the last book that was published before the war on terror started in earnest. i know it doesn’t really add to any of the overarcing stuff going on (no scorpia and no rider family drama) and nor does it have many of the other popular elements of the series (again, no scorpia and no rider family, but also no k-unit, no yassen, no julius, barely any whump, alex is basically beaten fair and square by sarov at every term) so i know this is probably an unpopular opinion. but there’s something so gentle about it. it’s so heartbreaking. it’s the point of no return - this is the first time alex chooses to do mi6 a favour instead of strictly being blackmailed into it. sarov killing himself even though he’s on the precipice of victory just because alex has made it explicitly clear that he will never be his son, that he can’t ever really turn back the clock, just fucking guts me. i don’t think this is necessarily the best-constructed book in the series (scorpia is, objectively, the best IMO), but it is my favourite.

also the american edition is totally different to every other edition and features a completely different version of the cia scenes, primarily to make the special agents more sympathetic and less like they fucking hate a child. which is just so cool. i mean the censorship stuff isn’t cool but the difference in editions is fascinating.

my fave episode (if it’s a tv show):

i can’t remember if it’s ep7 or 8 of season 3 but the tv show’s take on what happened at albert bridge. that episode. it was so, so good. i cannot imagine a better way to film it. i loved the interspersing of present with past and they cast john rider SO fucking well. i have a lot of mixed feelings about season 3 (i thought the decision to veer right back into being very book accurate after doing a pretty good job of making it explicitly clear that this was a retelling/its own distinct spin was…confusing) but that episode was perfect. i also really like s1ep8 (because i’m obsessed with kyra).

my fave cast member:

if we’re talking about the show again: marli siu as kyra. she is so fucking cool. and also adding kyra to the show, for all it opened up a can of worms, was the best thing guy burt ever did. i adore kyra so much.

if we’re using cast member to mean ‘recurring main character who isn’t one of my two named favourites’: i have a bit of a soft spot for crawley. i have no idea why, but something about him consistently being described as looking like a second-rate private school teacher forever tickles me. he’s just some guy but he cracks me up for some reason.

my favourite ship:

across the whole AR multiverse of madness, it is probably alex/kyra. i blame them for my sudden het ship renaissance tbh. i was rooting for them like i have never rooted for any heterosexual couple before (although arguably neither of them are het LOL). i think i fainted when they finally kissed in s3.

but if we’re doing book-only (since most of my answers have skewed that way)…hmm. i think i will have a forever fondness for sabina and alex’s invisible string thing they have going on. not friends not lovers but a secret third thing. i also like the toxic yaoi of john/yassen a lot because the fuck is going on THERE. i don’t fuck with alex/yassen because it personally icks me, but like i very much see the vision of yassen recreating the dynamic he had with john but with alex (and the roles reversed). john/yassen most toxic mentorship of all time spread the word.

a character i’d die defending:

sabina pleasure lol. i have in fact made some very snippy posts in the past because like…listen. obviously you are allowed to dislike her. you can dislike any character for any reason. but she has been DISPROPORTIONATELY hated on by the AR fandom. it is pure misogyny. her existence is not ‘getting in the way’ of making any other alex ship canon because sabina/alex isn’t even canon! claiming you dislike her because of ahorz’s bad/inconsistent writing is fair but you cannot say that and then, at the same time, praise the likes of ben daniels (whose identity has been swapped multiple times as a result of bad writing) as your fave character. she reacts badly to the truth in eagle strike but this was not her fault! she was being gaslit! if alex forgave her then i think maybe the fandom can let this go! she is one of the only shreds of normality left in his life and one of her chief functions is to call out alex’s shit and serve as a reality check to him. she did nothing wrong for REAL!!

a character i just can’t sympathise with:

i think it goes without saying that we’re not really meant to sympathise with a lot of these characters, so let me be controversial: mrs jones!!!!

like listen. i’m sorry to hear your kids got kidnapped yeah i actually am like obviously i’m gonna be upset about that innit yeah and tulip you know the only thing is yeah is that no-one can force me to be your mate or anything yeah and i don’t want to be mates wiv you alright? i know mrs jones is meant to be the ‘softer’ option to blunt. i know we are meant to believe, especially in the reboots, that she is better than him. but she isn’t. she talks a big game about how making alex work for them is wrong and that she’s against it, but she is never willing to put her money where her mouth is. she’s the one to goad alex into going to cairo in scorpia rising. in a lot of ways, i think her softer coating makes her a lot more insidious than blunt. this is one of the reasons i kind of went off the tv show towards the end: they made show!jones WAY too nice and sympathetic, and that’s just not who she is.

and don’t get it twisted: i think she’s fascinating. i love her character and her different faces are so, so interesting in a series that tends to stick women in the whore or mother box respectively. but i do not sympathise with her. i like her character, but i don’t like HER.

a character i grew to love:

am i allowed to say sabina again. because it is, genuinely, sabina. it took me YEARS to come around on her and then when i finally did it it was so worth it. but maybe i can’t say sabina for three different answers LOL.

this is genuinely a difficult question because there are a lot of characters in this series that i don’t LIKE but i LOVE in the sense that i find them interesting. i think jack has genuinely grown on me over the years, mostly as a result of the secret weapon short stories. it didn’t seem like it when i first read the series as a kid, but she’s so young, and she is functionally helpless—she wants to look after alex, but she’s an illegal immigrant with no blood relation to him, who at best is another way for mi6 to exploit him and at worst is a way for scorpia to exploit him. i have a lot more sympathy and respect for her now. and on a similar (yet wildly different) note: i hate ian rider, but he has slowly grown into the alex rider character i think about the most. what the fuck was up with him. what was up with him and john. did he know what he was doing when he raised alex to be a child soldier? is there a reason why yassen killed him but spared alex despite both of them being john’s blood relatives? i’m just so!!!

my anti otp:

sorry guys…it is yalex, i’m afraid. like i said: i can see the vision, but i can’t personally get past them meeting when alex is 14 and yassen is in his 30s. even in aus where they meet as adults i still get squicked out. honestly wish i could get over my aversion to it (at least a little) because i have read some FANTASTIC fics that had background yalex rumblings and i’m almost definitely depriving myself of a bunch of amazing fic by not really being willing to read anything where they’re at the forefront, but it’s just not for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯