#i want to make myself believe that it's not grandpa's time to r word yet

[dybalassunshine]

istg if Argentina lose to Brazil, I will disappear from the face of the earth. I can no longer console myself with "somos campeones del mundo" uh-huh. I NEED A WIN OVER THE BRAZILIANS ANYHOW!

[juniorgman187]

The Bones (Reid Series) Part 2

Summary: After doing an even deeper dive on Valerie’s past, Spencer finally meets her, but his invasiveness isn’t the worst part ... the worst part is he might actually like her. 

Playlist: “The Bones” by Maren Morris & Hozier  (BONUS: song includes major foreshadowing) Category: Series, Fluff, Soft Angst, Eventual smut and *NSFW content Pairing: Spencer Reid POV x Fem!OC - Valerie Content Warning: invasion of privacy, allusions to Maeve’s death, arrhythmia Word Count: 3.4k

Part 1 |

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

After firmly deciding not to weave Penelope into my tangled web, I was met with the arduous burden of conducting my own research. 

Firstly, I would need a computer - yeah ... a computer. That’s how far I was willing to go for this pursuit. I once vowed never to fall victim to modern technology’s clutches, and yet here I was, doing my research on a public library’s computer. To my credit, I hadn’t gone out and bought one, I was merely using my resources.

With the need for a device out of the way, all that was left was the knowledge of what to look for. But that didn’t pose a problem either.

Funny enough, with as many rules and restrictions as there are regarding patient privacy and confidentiality, all it took was matching dates of news stories with hospital records to complete my research. I was fairly certain I was only scratching the surface of information about Valerie as opposed to the sea of things I could’ve uncovered if I asked for Garcia’s help, but there are only so many lines a person can cross in one week. 

This was my limit.

Call me naive, but I was actually quite surprised with just how expansive the internet is. To an almost relentless degree, I would open an article and it would lead me to ten more about the same topic. It was this never ending rabbit hole that seemed to spiral on forever. I kept digging deeper and deeper until I could no longer dig. 

I’d officially hit rock bottom. 

It took me a grand total of just two hours to unearth all the ‘dirt’ I could on a young Valerie Bishop. 

Local 16-year-old Wins Nevada’s Statewide Art Contest! Published by Henderson Press. 

Valerie, just a sophomore in high school at the time, was donning what any experimental teen girl would’ve worn in the early 2000s - bootcut jeans and a sequin blouse over top of a plain camisole. And if I zoomed in close enough, I could spot the evidence of a sparkly blue shadow coating her eyelids. Surprisingly, though, that wasn’t the first thing I noticed. 

It was that smile. That tooth-achingly sweet smile. 

Though I never got the chance to see Maeve truly smile, that’s what I imagined it would look like. 

The photographer must’ve caught her midway through a laugh, at least that’s what the image of her slightly open-mouthed grin told me. Meanwhile, her two tiny hands were clenching her overbearingly large trophy while her artwork stood behind her as the background.

It didn’t take me long to figure out why her painting won. Simply put, there was no need to see anyone else’s art to know that they couldn’t possibly compete with hers. 

Hers was an abstract rendition of what I believe to be a forest of some sort. The detail is what I was most drawn to. It would’ve been unbelievable on its own but the fact that she was 16 when she painted it? That’s what was unbelievable to me. 

If that’s how talented she was at that age, I could only imagine how much more talented she became with time. However, I lost the chance to investigate the current state of her skill before a related article from The Cleveland Gazette about Valerie succeeded this one. 

From Award-Winning Artist to Henderson’s Hero

Read my interview with 17-year-old Valerie Bishop to find out more about her struggle with arrhythmia and how she turned her pain into a project! 

By Kelli Gallagher from the Cleveland Gazette. 

Gallagher: Thank you so much for letting me interview you, Valerie. 

Bishop: Of course! I’m happy to. 

Gallagher: You’ve become somewhat of a hero in Henderson, Nevada, haven’t you?

Bishop: I wouldn’t call myself a hero ... but if everyone else wants to - I’m fine with that. (laughs)

Gallagher: Don’t be so modest! I mean, what you’ve done is so incredible, and you’re only what? Seventeen?

Bishop: Yes, ma’am. I just turned seventeen this past August. 

Gallagher: Wow, I can’t believe how young you are and yet you’ve already accomplished so much. I saw that you won a statewide art contest last year. Tell me more about that. 

Bishop: That’s a funny story actually. My Grandma Sheila was the one who entered me in that contest. I didn’t even know about it until I won it. She’s always surprising me, though. In fact, she’s the one that surprised me with my first ever art supplies, when I was about eight or so. They were these super expensive oil paints, and I knew she couldn’t afford them, so I told her we should return them and get something cheaper, but she said, “Nonsense. When the bones are good the rest don’t matter. A house don’t fall when the bones are good.” That was kind of her saying. 

A house don’t fall when the bones are good. 

The bones. 

Gallagher: I’m interested to know more about your relationship with your grandma. If I’m remembering correctly, she was also diagnosed with arrhythmia a while back too, right?

Bishop: Yes, she was, but that’s never slowed her down. And as for our relationship, my grandma and I have always been close, but arrhythmia, in a weird way, has brought us even closer. She has always been my biggest supporter and the fact that we’re both on this journey together makes her my biggest supporter even more so. 

Gallagher: Absolutely. Now, I also heard that you’ve started a fundraising program to possibly start a gallery and studio in Virginia Beach. If you don’t mind me asking, why Virginia Beach? Is there any special significance? 

Bishop: Actually, that’s where my grandma met my grandpa, and they got married and started a family there, too. So if Grandma Sheila hadn’t been there to meet him, she wouldn’t have had my mom, and that would mean I wouldn’t have been here either. I like to think Virginia Beach is where it all started. In a way, it’s where my bones are. That solid foundation in Virginia gave me everything I have today.

Gallagher: That is just incredible. I’m so glad to see your fundraising project is thriving, but I can’t imagine any of this has been particularly easy for you. You were diagnosed right around the time your senior year was starting right?

Bishop: Yes ma’am. 

Gallagher: So what brought you from Henderson to Cleveland?

Bishop: Well, actually, I didn’t want to move, especially not before I graduated, but Cleveland has the best cardiovascular hospital in the country and my health is far more important than graduating in the same state I grew up in. So when my parents were willing to move me and my sister out here, I saw it as a privilege rather than something to be sad about. 

Gallagher: I am so inspired by you, Valerie.

Bishop: (laughs) Really, why?

Gallagher: Despite everything that’d been thrown at you, you are still so grateful. I hope you never lose that. 

Bishop: I promise you I won’t.

Gallagher: So one last thing before I go, what is one hope you have for your future self?

Bishop: I hope, future self, that your ‘bones’ are still strong.

Gallagher: Beautiful. Thank you so much again for doing this, Valerie. I sincerely hope you reach your goal and you get to open up that gallery and studio in Virginia Beach. 

At the bottom of the article, there was a footnote from Kelli Gallagher. 

Exactly 10 years later, Bishop was able to move to Virginia Beach and open up her gallery and studio. 

By the end of the article, I felt a genuine sense of pride for Valerie, and I know I had virtually no right to know these things about her, but I could still be proud of her for them right?

I would never fully get my answer to this question before I crossed the final boundary. 

After exhausting all that I could gather from the internet without Penelope’s assistance, the only thing left for me to do was actually meet her in person. However, this would prove to be a bigger obstacle that it seemed. I decided to delay the daunting task until the next day. A decision partially influenced by the phrase, ‘sleep on it.’ I prayed I’d gain clarity on what to do when I woke up the next morning, but even with a night’s rest, I was still undecided as I drove to Virginia Beach once more.

To sit in my car that was conveniently parked right in front of the gallery was a poor choice. Because with every passing second, the temptation to walk in grew, but the fear of regret dampened those impulses. The more I thought about it, the more I psyched myself out. Between my two choices, to freeze or to fight, I should’ve taken the third - to flee. But I was here now and I couldn’t leave empty-handed for a second time. 

After a moment’s indecision, adrenaline coursed through my veins to give me the courage to get out of my car. When I felt an outdoor breeze blow over me, I knew there was no going back now. Right when I walked in, the little bell above the door rang, solidifying that I was officially crossing the threshold, and whether I liked it or not, she was going to see me after hearing me walk in.

“I’ll be right with you!” A small voice called out from somewhere in the back. She was hidden from my immediate sight, and somehow that made it so much worse. It was now I that was waiting for her, instead of her unknowingly waiting for me. 

As though I were prey getting ready to escape a predator, I stayed put by the door. It gave me a full view of the entire place anyway. 

Scoping out my surroundings, I spotted the paintings that were carefully measured and placed on the walls, almost to perfection. I had no time to notice anything more before the person in the back walked out. 

Immediately when I saw her, I knew.

“You’re … not Valerie.” I couldn’t help sounding so disappointed but luckily, the woman that came out took no offense to my observation. 

“No, I’m not,” She laughed. “But I can get her for you-”

“No wait!” I uselessly leapt forward to stop her from saying, “Vee! There’s someone out here to see you!” But that’s precisely what she did anyway. Evidently oblivious of my previous protests, she politely smiled back at me. “She’ll be right out.” 

For the second time that day, I waited with bated breath, anxiously anticipating the arrival of Valerie. And I was almost too focused on subduing the pounding of my heart to realize that she was actually walking out of the back right now. 

“Hi, sorry about that!” A new voice chirped. 

Valerie. 

The moment I laid eyes on her, it became clear to me that the pictures in her files hardly did her justice. Nothing could compare to the real sight of her. I was only able to catch the profile of her face when I saw her in the cafe, but in her entirety, I began to wax nostalgic. Though her face and hair and body had transformed into that of a grown woman’s features, I could still identify the same tooth-achingly sweet smile that a younger Valerie once wore on the front page of the Henderson Press. She was no beast to conquer, she was just a girl, smiling at me in that same gentle way. 

Her expression just as well showed no indication of recognition, not that she would recognize me, considering my letter was anonymous and unless she pulled the same stunt I did, she wouldn’t ever recognize who I was. 

“I’m Val,” She made her greeting to me while untying her dirtied waist apron, and it was merely the action that caused my gaze to fall to her hips, but when she shed the apron, I was still staring. There was something sort of mesmerizing about the way they swayed as she approached. It wasn’t until they stopped swaying completely that I realized they did so because there was no more distance to advance - she was already right there in front of me, patiently watching me stare. 

“Val?” I blinked hard to revert my gaze while also playing into the part that I had no idea who she was. 

“Mhm. Short for Valerie,” She confirmed happily. “Like the Amy Winehouse song.” 

This time, I genuinely didn’t know what she was referring to, and my confused countenance prompted her to clarify, “You don’t know that song?” 

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she began to playfully sing, “Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water ...” 

While she watched my face and waited for the recitation of the song to jog my memory, I was just as much studying her face. I could tell she was only kidding when she sang, evidenced by the laugh that followed her rendition, but it sounded so unironically good that I had to question what other talents she possessed. 

“Um, I was actually thinking more like Valerie, the martyred medieval saint, whose name stood for strength and health.” No sooner than the words spilled from my mouth did I recognize the freudian slip - the simultaneous coincidence and confession. The coincidence was that, now, with Maeve’s heart beating in her chest, she lived up to her name - she was newly strong and healthy. But I worried, she would see the correlation I drew between her name and her successful transplant and would realize that I knew more about her than I let on. Did I just give away too much?

“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name earlier. What was it?” Her casual dismissiveness of my previous statement did nothing to ease my worries. Was she beginning to piece everything together?

“Oh, right!” I said dumbly. “S-Spencer. I’m Spencer.” I was such a blubbering bundle of nerves that I actually reached out to shake her hand - a stranger’s hand. 

“Nice to meet you, Spencer,” She softly laughed, which was hopefully not out of the enjoyment of seeing me squirm. “What can I do for you?” 

A loaded question, don’t you think? What can you do for me, Valerie? Well, for one thing, you could’ve answered my letter, but to say something as bold as that would require me to admit the real reason I was here, and how could I do that without mentioning how I found you in the first place?

“Um ...” Whose birthday is the soonest? “My friend Emily’s birthday is coming up and I was wondering if I could possibly buy a painting from you as a birthday present.” 

There was the faintest perceptible skepticism in her expression, but that could’ve just been my paranoia talking because in the next breath, she didn’t suggest a proclivity to my deceit. “Yeah, of course! Do you know what her favorite medium is? Or her favorite artist? Or her favorite style of art?” 

For every addition to the question, I wordlessly shook my head no. Was my lie already unraveling? Could she see right through me?

“No worries. If you want, you can walk around the gallery and tell me if you see anything you think she’d like.” She made her offer to me sweetly, then disappeared into the back room again. I tried to follow her with my eyes for as long as I could, but from where I was standing, I couldn’t see very far into it. I wandered a little further into the center of the gallery to possibly catch a glimpse of what was occupying her time back there, but when I heard the chattering of two voices, Valerie and the other woman, coming from the same general direction, I realized I was completely alone in this part of the studio.

With no one around to bear witness but these portraits, I could’ve easily slipped out and made my escape, and I might’ve even done it had it not been for the unmistakable gravitational pull forcing me to stay here and walk about the room. 

Making my way throughout the gallery, I would pause every now and then when a painting would stand out to me, which was often, considering each picture was impressive. 

But there was one painting in particular that piqued my interest. It made me feel something I’d never felt before. 

It wasn’t special by any means. By rights, I shouldn’t have even noticed it, for it wasn’t the largest painting, nor the smallest one - it wasn’t even the most average painting. But it felt exceptionally ... Valerie. I had no doubt in my mind that she painted this one - in fact, I had a good bet that she painted most of these portraits, if not all of them - but this one. There was just something about it that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

“So,” A draft was created from where Valerie swiftly and unexpectedly joined me at my side. “What do you think?” 

“Um, there’s definitely something,” I struggled to find the word. “appealing about this one.” Almost as soon as the word came out of my mouth, I knew it was only a matter of time before she called out the inadequacy of my answer. 

“Appealing?” She repeated in mockery. “That’s the best you got? Come on, you’ve been standing here for like ten minutes. There must be something about it you like.” 

“I’m not sure.” I honestly admitted with a shrug.

“There’s no wrong answer.” She assured me, but I found that hard to believe. 

“So if I said I see a grizzly bear attacking a UFO, that wouldn’t be wrong?”

“Nope,” She popped the p. “If that’s how you interpret it then that’s how you interpret it. Just because someone else sees it differently, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.” It would’ve sounded like complete bullshit or nauseatingly cheesy coming out of someone else’s mouth, but her delivery felt so genuine. It actually moved me. 

As she said this, she turned her head in my direction to look up at me, causing her shoulder to brush my upper arm, sending a wave of goosebumps all over my body. 

She was so close. 

But I was so unbothered by her proximity that I didn’t even notice exactly how close she really was. If someone else had invaded my personal space like that, I would’ve moved in the opposite direction just on instinct, but I didn’t even think to do that with Valerie. I was so comfortable with her being there. 

But was that just because a part of her was once Maeve’s? Was the entire foundation of my likening to Valerie built upon that single attribute?

Was that my bones?

“Um,” I began fidgeting with my hands to self-soothe. “I like it. I don’t know why. But I like it. How’s that for an answer?”

There was a pause before her response that compelled me to look at her, but when I did so, she was already looking at me. “I’ll take it,” She nodded. “It’s the biggest compliment to me if my art can make you feel something.”

Was it the art that made me feel something ... or you?

“I’ll tell you what,” She walked over to grab something from the front desk. She came back with a small piece of cardstock. “I’m going to an art exhibition next weekend. Why don’t you come with me and see if you can’t find something for Emily there?”

She handed me the paper, which was actually her business card. “You don’t have to have an answer for me today, but call me when you do.” She seemed to think that was the end of the conversation, but I still had more questions. 

“You’re inviting me?” was the first question that came to mind, albeit the dumbest one.

“Yeah, you can be my plus one.”

I gulped to dislodge the lump in my throat. “Like-like your date?” 

She furrowed her brows with mild confusion. “Um ... sure, if that’s what you wanna call it,” which was the last thing she said to me before vanishing within the back room again. 

I peered back down at the card and tapped it gently on the palm on my hand as though to register its presence really being there. 

For all intents and purposes, this card was meaningless. But to me, it was the formal consenting - nay, invitation - to reach out to her again. She was willingly extending this line of contact to me. 

No more public library computers. No more files. No more ‘research.’ Just her number - a way to reach her without veering off my moral compass. 

Despite this, I still had no clue whether or not I was going to accept her offer.

All that I did know was that I wanted to see her again. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 3 COMING SOON!

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[gloves94]

Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 5

Warnings: None   Rating: PG-13   Pairings: Zuko/OC   Summary:  “You have everything you’ve ever wanted.” “No.” He said softly. “Not everything…”  His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before. “I guess not.” She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes.

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T

"Admiral Zhao is not allowing ships in or out of this area." A soldier from Commander Zhao's fleet had stepped into Team Zuko's. He had basically barged in an demanded that the prince hand over all information in regards of the Avatar. And here Iroh the ever optimistic thought they were here for a game of Pai Sho.

"I've got nothing to report to Zhao," Zuko stated coldly as he looked at the floor and then glared at the soldiers that stood before him. "Now off my ship!" He roared casting Tsai to jump slightly as he pointed them out.

'Who is this Zhao?'

Tsai knew that it wasn't hard to get under Zuko's skin, but there was something about this man that seemed to really irritate him. Or maybe it was the fact they had been sailing northeast without a single sighting in the past couple of days. Not knowing much about the war or its generals or commanders she remained clueless to his man's identity, but would he would he have to crawl over her dead body if she was just going to let somebody take her destiny of bringing peace to the Fire Nation world. Approaching the table she read over a wanted poster that some of the soldiers were looking at.

"It says here that the Avatar can create tornadoes and run faster than the wind," one of the soldiers read aloud in awe. "Pretty amazing!" Another said.

Tsai blinked twice taken aback when an image of a boy no older than twelve which was painted on the poster. He was just a child, a bald child with eager eyes and a tattooed arrow pointing down the middle of his forehead. "But he's just a child," she gaped in surprise. All this time she had been imagining a very old man. But if he was a child- why on Earth hadn't Zuko been able to capture him?

She didn't know much about air benders. No one did, after all they had been extinct for the past one hundred years. Part of her wished the ship had a library where she could research information about the Avatar, but wait maybe there was something she could do...

"Tsai, care to join us for a game of Pai Sho? I think they are getting better," Iroh called. "I'll pass for now. I have to write to my family," it wasn't a complete lie. "Good luck gentleman," she smiled sweetly at the men making some of them swoon.

Xxx

'Brother,

I hope you are well. I know I have been gone less than a week. I hope you don't miss me too much. I also wish I could tell you where I am, but it is hard to pin point. We are presently sailing northwest hot on the Avatar's trail. Can you believe it?

Iroh has been a most gracious host. I enjoy spending time with him, he really reminds me of grandpa, and the prince well- tell mother not to get too excited, but he does have some redeeming qualities (and a terrible temper as well).

Mecha, I need to ask you yet another favor. Please send me all information you might have on air benders or air bending. Turns out the Avatar is only a child! A slippery one that is if he's had Prince Zuko chasing him all over the world with no success.

Lots of love to the family,

- Your Sister Tsai'

Tsai came down from the commander tower after having sent out a fire hawk home to her brother. Coming down she encountered a fire show of the prince angrily kicking and punching bold strokes of dangerous fire in all directions. He even appeared to be radiating anger.

"Hey, you O.K.?" She found herself asking once again. She put her hands on her waist as she eyed him carefully barely dodging a fire blast which headed in her direction. Part of her suspected that had not been an accident. He wore a maroon training tunic that showed off his toned arms.

"Perfectly fine," he grumbled. Obviously not pleased. "Is it because of that man Zhao?" She pressed on. "We can't give up yet! We can still find the Avatar before him," she said in a determined tone. "We?"He scoffed incredulously.

As far as he knew Tsai brought nothing to table except for maybe tea and Pai Sho. She nodded holding a fist to her chest a determined glint in her honey brown eyes. "I know we can do it!"

"She's right Prince Zuko," Iroh suddenly appeared. "I was becoming worried when you hadn't ordered your men in the past hour."

"How? With Zhao's resources, it's just a matter of time before he captures the Avatar," he stated upset. He turned and lowered his voice into almost a whisper, "My honor, my throne, my country... I'm about to lose them all." A somber gust of wind passed by.

Seeing him like this. Seeing anybody like this broke the girl's mushy heart. She looked at him sadly.

"But you have something Zhao doesn't have!" She said animatedly.

Both Iroh and Zuko turned to look at her with expecting eyes. "Something worth fighting for!"

His fists clenched at his sides in fury. "That's absolutely useless!" He roared in frustration. She flinched a little at his tone. I mean she was only trying to help...

"Prince Zuko, a word from Zhao's men. Apparently the Admiral has the Avatar on his compound grounds."

Tsai closed her eyes not wanting to witness the volcano that was about to explode in front of her. 'Talk about bad timing.' Her hair was whipped wildly by several heat waves.

Shutting her eyes even tighter she set her mind to it, she was determined to do something about this. If Zhao had the Avatar that meant that the odds of her having a chance at achieving her grandfather's dream would be destroyed.

Xxx

It was already the evening. Zuko braced himself for the battle that he would encounter tonight. He put his twin blades on his back and shed his princely identity becoming a Blue Spirit of the night. He was ready to sneak out when a gentle knock made him freeze on the spot.

"H-Hey," a voice said softly.

It was Tsai.

"I'm really sorry about today. Just know I'm going to try my best to help out more from now on. I understand if you're still upset. Well, have a good night then." He hadn't realized that he had been holding his breath all of this time. He slowly released it when he heard her foot steps trail off.

Meanwhile Tsai tip toed around the ship until she reached the deck where some of the soldier's were currently lounging keeping their night guard.

"Gentleman," she coed in a soft voice.

Their jaws dropped at the sight. One wolf whistled inappropriately. They were basically salivating at the sight of the lady before them. Her eyes were coated with cleverly applied dark make up, more than she usually wore. Perfect for an evening look. Her lips were rogue and her features had been professionally contoured. Crimson hair cascaded down her back in full waves. "Anybody feel like taking me ashore?" She popped her hip to the side dramatically batting her eyelashes.

A few moments later Tsai was ashore standing outside the gates of the Pohuai Stronghold  She noted the way it was heavily armed and had no trouble batting her eyelashes getting inside. One of the few advantages of war was that these men hadn't seen a woman in ages.

xxx

"Tell me, how does it feel to be the only airbender left?" Zhao taunted the Avatar as he rounded him in a chamber. "Do you miss your people?" He pressed on leaning maliciously close towards the boy.

Taking in a massive breath the Avatar blew the man hard against the metal door making him lose his balance and ungracefully fall on his face. "Blow all the wind you want. Your situation is futile. There is no escaping this fortress and nobodyis coming to rescue you." He scowled.

"Admiral Zhao," a soldier suddenly entered the chamber. "You better come quick Sir." he urged, "Y-You've got an important guest," he adjusted his helmet his face slightly turning scarlet.

Zhao raised an eyebrow with intrigue. He had not been expecting anybody. Could it have been that Fire Lord Ozai had sent a personal gift to him? He ran a hand through his hair combing it down in a narcissistic matter.

Xxx

Tsai had been brought to a waiting room which wasn't nearly as elegant as the one in her home. She sat comfortably with a relaxed expression on her features, her poise and feet had been placed in a strategic way which she knew highlighted her best features. (She had also stuffed her bra with two apples although she would never confess that to anyone). She wore a flattering emerald green kimono dress that fit her in all the right places a jade butterfly clip held half of her hair up elegantly.

"I wasn't expecting any company tonight." A man whom Tsai assumed to be Admiral Zhao walked in. He air of arrogance seemed to follow him. He was a middle-aged military man with dark gray hair and sharp sideburns that made his features appear more angular. A smug smirk twisted on his lips. "Ms. Haru of Hu Xin," his eyes scanned her body tracing every curve and inch of her visible skin.

"I had heard tales of the man, the myth, the legend-"

Tsai almost threw up in her mouth. She could not believe she had just said that. It was official she had been reading way too many cheesy plays. As disgusting as this was, she had a plan, and a part to play if she wanted to succeed. She rose to her feet slightly draping one of the sleeves down to display a bare shoulder. "Had to come see it myself. Meet the infamous Admiral Zhao." She spoke as she rounded him. His eyes followed her, enjoying every minute of having his ego stroked. "Congrats on the promotion," she spoke lowly in an attempt to sound both older and more mature. How old was he anyways?

"How old are you Haru?" He said with an edge of suspicion raising up an eyebrow. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to ask a lady for her age?" She let out a throaty chuckle as she flirted. "I'm almost twenty," she lied with skill tossing him back a look.

Tsai lied through her teeth the entire night. She had managed to convince a high ranking military officer, an admiral, that she was around town visiting her cousin and upon hearing the news that the now 'famed' admiral was in town, well she just had to visit. It was such an absurd lie and Zhao appeared to be such an ego maniac that he totally ate it up. The two were currently sitting on one of the sofa seats. Both were drinking some wine that the admiral had been reserving for a special occasion. With every minute that passed he inched closer and closer to her wanting more than just hand holding or gentle strokes. Tsai's ruse was beginning to collapse. She had to get out of here and fast. She chuckled nervously as the man stroked her waist and slowly inched his hand lower and lower. He was also leaning in closer-

"Ah-I'm-Um.. I need to use the restroom!" She declared jumping to her feet. The Admiral collapsed on the sofa and turned to look at her with an elbow propped holding his head up. "Don't be long," he purred.

Knowing him he probably found his intimidation to be 'endearing' or something twisted amongst those lines.

The girl tiptoed out in to the hallway and let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding once she was out of his sight. Great- now she had to find the Avatar. If she was Zhao were would he keep the Avatar? Probably close by, tall in this tower. She rushed up the stairs running as fast as she could. She really had no time to waste.

Xxx

The Blue Spirit had successfully infiltrated Zhao's compound base. He snuck in floor by floor until he reached the top of the tower. However, he was surprised when he did not encounter any soldiers. Only evidence of a conflict. Abandoned helmets rolled down the empty hallways. Marks of conflicts, stains of blood and slashes had scarred the walls of the military compound.

There was also water in the floor and a wooden bucket which had been smashed to bits and pieces.

'Just- what happened here?' Zuko thought to himself. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. Somebody had beat him to it. There was somebody else here.

xxx

Aang heard what sounded like punched being thrown followed by painful screams. He brazed himself and kept his eyes focused on the steel door that was across from him. It was then that the door opened and a beautiful woman walked in. She exhaled sharply quickly running her hands through her wavy red colored hair combing it back into place. His jaw dropped as she ran towards him. Her emerald dressing robes fluttering behind as she did.

"There's no time," she stood before him and upon closeness Aang realized she was only a teenager. One in a very poor disguise. "Who are y-" He began to ask. "No time," she hissed glaring and pulled an apple from the inside of her robe slamming it against his open mouth silencing him. She appeared to be picking at the locks with the back of her hair pin. It was then that the door behind the two was once again shut.

xxx

Both Aang and Tsai couldn't believe what they were seeing an individual wearing black with a Blue Spirit theater mask entered the room. Aang bit the apple hard the fruit collapsing on the floor as he swallowed almost choking on the piece of apple.

Xxx

Zuko blinked twice, shook to his core. He was thankful for the mask for it hid his expression of shock and disbelief. Was he hallucinating?

'How had- there was no way- but- it had to be.'

Pulling out his twin blades be began an elaborate display of mastery over the blades. The Avatar let out a loud scream. The lady wearing the emerald dress kimono stood before him pushing him behind, shielding him with her body.

"Shh!!" She hissed as the Avatar screeched for his life. The masked individual came closer and evenly sliced the Avatar's hand restrains. Aang felt his arms drop as the blood rush back to them. The Avatar and his lovely savior looked at the masked individual in shock.

Xxx

Zuko stood mere inches away from her. Now he was more certain than ever. It was most definitely her. It was Tsai and she appeared to be wearing some type of disguise. Regardless, she looked-

He shook his head. He snapped back to reality realizing that both his uncle's royal guest and the Avatar were starring at him with their eyes the size of golf balls. He lowered his weapons also freeing the Avatar's feet. Tsai and Aang exchanged a look as Zuko walked towards the door. "What's going on?"

The red-headed beauty slowly walked over to the Blue Spirit. Her light brown eyes were focused on him. Friend or foe? She measured her opponent. There was something familiar about his stance, about his posture, something that she couldn't put her finger on.

It was impossible. Zuko remained in shock. Not a single hair out of place, her clothes remained impeccable with no signs of struggle. He looked at her hands both resting at her sides without a weapon.

Also- how on Earth had she even gotten of the ship?

"I think he's here to save you," she spoke after making a decision. Sticking a hand into her dress she pulled out an apple from her chest, her expression serious. "Listen here," She reached for the spirit's dark shirt and fisted it pulling the mask close to her face. She paused for a moment attempting to catch a glimpse of any notable feature underneath the mask. "I have important things to do, places to be-" she hissed out. Her grip becoming tighter.

Zuko had never seen her like this, had never seen her eyes hold such darkness in them.

"I'm entrusting you with the Avatar Blue Spirit and I've got news for you. If anything happens to him. If there is a scratch on his bald head, a broken limb, if any harm comes to him-" Her hand trembled slightly before the apple she had been holding in her hand was crushed into a juice mash just with her grip strength. The message was loud and clear. "Got that?" She finished menacingly before letting go pushing the masked individual slightly.

"Wait!" Aang called out. "Who are you?!"

It was too late. She was gone.

xxxxx

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CHAPTER MASTERLIST

[izzyizumi]

I can hear it now I can feel the encore This endlessly thrumming beat Let it RING OUT once more {Jou Kido appearance} I just want to know what’s out there Beyond the furthest reaches of the sky I set my sights on the beyond In my desire for an infinite shine {Mimi Tachikawa appearance} [+Tachikawa Family] No matter how hard it got You gently wrapped me in those kind arms of yours These feelings too overflowing to express in words {Takeru Takaishi appearance} [+platonic Takaishi-Ishida Brothers] Let me express them to you now Take your voice And this dream of mine Let’s bring them together {Sora Takenouchi appearance} This LIVE {LIFE} is beautiful Let my song dance and rise high above {Koushiro Izumi & Tentomon appearance} Though this may be goodbye It would make me happy if YOU could KEEP SMILING Even if I can’t see you anymore This place will always be special to us

{Yamato Ishida appearance} No matter how many times I’m reborn or travel the stars I want to find you again I’ll embrace you in my kisses {Taichi Yagami appearance} Let my love RING OUT to the farthest futures {Hikari Yagami appearance} [+WIZARDMON friendship] Take your voice And this dream of mine Let’s bring them together This LIVE {LIFE} is beautiful Let my song dance and rise high above This love of mine This song of mine The voice calling for it all This encore is forever I wish you endless happiness {Adventure Chosen & Digimon} I sing out in THIS moment because IT WON’T LAST F O R E V E R {02} I can hear it now I can feel the ENCORE This endlessly thrumming beat Look, a rainbow spans the sky Instead of saying goodbye Let me hear you call for me one more time Believe that it will start once more in the future A call for us and only us {tri.} We’ll CREATE TOMORROW This love of mine This song of mine The voice calling for it all This encore is forever I wish you endless happiness I wish for the beginning of eternity Our love lasts through the encore

{ WE L O V E ... }

- M A M O R U . M I Y A N O ; E N C O R E

“When my {Quality of Life} is so diminished that I can no longer enjoy even eating, {when I can only be fed through a feeding tube lying in a hospital bed}, That’s when it might be time for me to go.”

“... BUT I’M NOT A F R A I D.”

- Dedicated to my Grandmother C., Z”L*, (*May her memory be a Blessing) 1926 ~ August, 2015 (passed near 89 years old) - Jewish, she also lived through the years of the Holocaust, (1941~1945) and her entire Jewish family got safely through those years. [Not long before WWII ended, she met my Grandpa.] My grandmother was one of my closest family members. When I was little (around 8 years old myself when first watching), she wholeheartedly supported my strong interest in Adventures/Digimon when I was first getting into this series, even if she didn’t know anything about it, (other than small bits I told her) even she could see how much I loved it. (Because she was one of my closest family members, she was also the one who overall learnt the most about my health. When I was, few years after discovering Adventure as a child, diagnosed Autistic and with generalized Anxiety disorder as well, she continued to support me all throughout, educated herself & our other interconnected family about my conditions, and continuously encouraged my interests and growth.)

Original Posters [Mine] commentary: I made this quick A.M.V edit a handful of days ago to this gorgeous song by Miyano, one of my favorite JPN voice actors/singers, {You may know him as: Dent[o] in JPN Pocket Monsters, Tamaki in Ouran, Rin in Free!, Tokiya in Utano*Prince-sama (where this song comes from), Konoha, Haruka & “Clearing Eyes” in Kage-Pro, among many more} mainly made with thoughts of general appreciation for this series in mind. I also made it with thoughts of my Grandmother in mind, who passed late August 2015, (yes, August). Tri had been announced, but wouldn’t yet air until November. I didn’t start much more actively blogging about Digimon until a bit later on, starting from a couple years later, because I was still heavily grieving. However, I still enjoyed reblogging Digimon posts I enjoyed to other blogs I had at the time even in the pre-Tri and early Tri years.

This was made very quickly, so it’s not perfect, has minimal editing, and the 1st Adventure portion is straight from the final battle with no editing done to it, but it fit the music well enough, so I included it as-is for now. I’ll probably re-arrange scenes if I remake it later and include much more other, varied scenes from Adventure, (for example, during end of Yamato’s portion, I was also thinking of the Yamato&Sora+Jou scene from the end of Dark Masters Arc).

(^One of my favorite Adventure scenes regardless of personal favs) But until I can edit those in, I’m just leaving this as it is. The middle portion with 02 is edited slightly more timed to music. A major Tri ending spoiler for the final battle’s result appears during the end. Kizuna is not included in here as of yet, but it may be in the future, along with Adventure 2020. All of this will probably be rearranged in a remake overall, but I’m keeping the general themeing & feel as-is for now, along with the Tri ending scenes.

Because this was made in appreciation of this series and out of respect to and with thoughts of my grandmother, please be respectful when interacting with this post. Thank you.

{& Pretty soon, in a few days, I’m getting my 2nd C.O.V.I.D shot.} (So I’m posting this now as-is, but I’ll see if I can work on it more later. It’d be nice if I could manage to finish it in time for August 1st, but we’ll see.)

{because every August, I think of not only this series, but also my grandmother.}

(August 2021 will be the 6th-year anniversary of her death.) Please remember this if you interact with my blog during the month of August. Or just during the summer in general.

This blogs’ queue will be ongoing in general for a while after this post.

{Additional note: this post is mainly intended GENERAL CHARACTER/SERIES SUPPORT-FOCUSED. please remember + RESPECT this when interacting} {my other major ship/O.T.P. is Taichi x Koushiro, though I’d probably keep this A.M.V. more gen[eral] overall later} [I also enjoy various other ships with all characters on the side anyhow]

[Note: commenting/tagging positively/respectfully is ok!] (Please AGREE TO BANNERS BEFORE interacting) (Note: click on the images/banners to enlarge!)

[markrosewater]

Answers to “In Other Words”

Song #1

 __________________________________________________ (Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree)

 Christmas tree roller

Leave the Merry Christmas

Then we have pumpkins

We do some songs

 Rockin' around the Christmas tree

Let the Christmas spirit ring

Later we'll have some pumpkin pie

And we'll do some caroling

 Song #2

 __________________________________________________ (Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)

 Kuia caught deer in a big city

We will be back home in a day

There is nothing wrong with Saints

However, I really think,

 Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Walking home from our house Christmas Eve

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

But as for me and grandpa we believe

 Song #3

 __________________________________________________ (Silent Night)

 Good night!

Everything is quiet and everything is clear.

Girls and mothers and babies.

Newborns are soft and gentle,

Rest in peace

Rest in peace in heaven

 Silent night, holy night!

All is calm, all is bright.

Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.

Holy infant so tender and mild,

Sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace

 Song #4

 __________________________________________________ (Jingle Bells)

 Heart Heart

Categories in every direction

How good a reason?

Equestrian

 Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one horse open sleigh

 Song #5

 __________________________________________________ (Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

 My God, you ask me

Ice is built on the fence

Hello, we are happy today

In winter, go to natural places

 Sleigh bells ring, are you listening

In the lane, snow is glistening

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight

Walking in a winter wonderland

 Song #6

 __________________________________________________ (All I Want for Christmas Is You)

 No disinfection is required

It is something that is important

There is nothing wrong with that

Under the tree

That is all there is to it

It’s the best thing you can get!

Share your power

Well, at least I didn't go down without explaining myself first.

 I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

 Song #7

 __________________________________________________ (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)

 There I saw Santa's mother

The snow under his chin turned to snow

Oh that video

If my father had seen his mother, he would have received Santa Claus last night

 Then I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus

Underneath his beard so snowy white

Oh, what a laugh it would have been

If Daddy had only seen mommy kissing Santa Claus last night

 Song #8

 __________________________________________________ (Last Christmas)

 Had a heart attack last year

But I left the next day.

This year, I will stop crying.

Give it to someone

 Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears

I'll give it to someone special

 Song #9

 __________________________________________________ (Santa Baby)

 Push Santa under a tree for me

She was a very, very good girl

Dear Santa, go down to the toilet early in the morning tonight

 Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me

Been an awful good girl

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

 Song #10

 __________________________________________________ (Step Into Christmas)

 Go to Christmas

Let's meet

We can see snow and ice forever

Eat, drink and enjoy

Come with me

Go to Christmas

Free admission

 Step into Christmas

Let's join together

We can watch the snow fall forever and ever

Eat, drink and be merry

Come along with me

Step into Christmas

The admission's free

 Song #11

 __________________________________________________ (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

 Red Eagle R.

My nose is clear

If you see?

It can be hard to say

 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw it

You would even say it glows

 Song #12

 __________________________________________________ (I’m Getting’ Nuttin’ for Christmas)

 I'm going to be Christmas soon

Obsession with parents

I'm going to be Christmas soon

I'm not crazy so I'm not angry

 I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Mommy and daddy are mad

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

 Song #13

 __________________________________________________ (Baby, It’s Cold Outside)

 I can't wait (but the man is cold).

I have to go (but the baby isn't there)

I am lost

Something like this (I hold it in my hand like snow)

 I really can't stay (But, baby, it's cold outside)

I've got to go away (But, baby, it's cold outside)

This evening has been (Been hoping that you'd drop in)

So very nice (I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)

 Song #14

 __________________________________________________ (Deck the Halls)

 Bar on board with sacred branches

 Deck the halls with boughs of holly

 Song #15

 __________________________________________________ (I Had a Little Dreidel)

 I have an elastic band

They made land

Dry when done

Then I play the string.

 I have a little dreidel

I made it out of clay

And when it's dry and ready

Then, dreidel I shall play.

 Song #16

 __________________________________________________ (Oh Christmas Tree)

 And Christmas, oh Christmas

The beauty of your articles

 O Christmas tree, o Christmas tree

How lovely are thy branches

 Song #17

 __________________________________________________ (Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)

 Boring birthday!  Angelic Messenger:

"Birthday of the king's child!”

 Hark! the herald angels sing:

"Glory to the newborn King!

 Song #18

 __________________________________________________ (Little Saint Nick)

 This is especially true in the north,

Christmas story

It happens

The most popular cat is completely red

Skiing throughout the year

 Well way up North where the air gets cold

There's a tale about Christmas

That you've all been told

And a real famous cat all dressed up in red

And he spends the whole year workin' out on his sled

 Song #19

 __________________________________________________ (Santa Claus Is Coming to Town)

 This would be nice

Crying is bad

She couldn't swallow it

I will give a reason

Christmas is coming home

 You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

 Song #20

 __________________________________________________ (The Christmas Song)

 Apparently he was killed

His coat was full of his nose

He left the day before Christmas

The Eskimo is a popular destination

 Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir

And folks dressed up like Eskimos

 Song #21

 __________________________________________________ (The Chipmunk Song)

 But not yet

Time for dolls, time for fun

We were fine, but we could not continue

Quick Christmas dinner fast

 Christmas, Christmas time is near

Time for toys and time for cheer

We've been good, but we can't last

Hurry Christmas, hurry fast

 Song #22

 __________________________________________________ (It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas)

 It looks like Christmas

Where are you going?

Fifth and tenth, and correct

With reeds and light silverware

 It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Everywhere you go

Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again

With candy canes and silver lanes that glow

 Song #23

 __________________________________________________ (Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!)

 Unfortunately, the weather is not good.

But fire is important

I have no choice

Free the stone

 Oh, the weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

And since we've no place to go

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

 Song #24

 __________________________________________________ (Sleigh Ride)

 It's snowing outside.

Come on, this is a good time for you to ride a horse

 Outside, the snow is falling, and friends are calling, "yoo-hoo!"

Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you

 Song #25

 __________________________________________________ (You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch)

 You are a tough guy

You are overweight

You are proud of Aloe Vera

They also use stereo systems.

Cat, bad girl

And a black skirt

 You're a mean one

You really are a heel

You're as cuddly as a cactus

You're as charming as an eel

Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana

with the greasy black peel

 Bonus Song (worth 5 points)

 __________________________________________________ (Frosty the Snowman)

 Listen to me

This is a purse

All eyes are on the egg

 Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul

With a corncob pipe and a button nose

And two eyes made out of coal

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Putting it Out There (A Biracial Child)

I’ve always wanted to address this, I just never knew where or how to. But, as I write, I see the influences come into play more and more (More so when I am writing my B.B fanfic and the Tourist), so I thought, now is a good time as any and this is the only account and platform I feel safe (maybe because I don’t have 200+ friends or followers here who know me outside of social media). I also feel as if this prospective of life isn’t given much attention or heard. 

I, as some may know cause I had commented as such, am a biracial child. My father is a Caribbean Hispanic male and my mother of German and Italian descent. 

This does not mean I have the best of both worlds. In fact, most of the times I feel alienated. 

Born in the early 90′s, the song “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin was every where. My mother would tell me that song was about me, now I was 5-6ish. I thought she referred to me liking cats, and trying to go out to perform a crap version of ‘Singing in the Rain’ along with the love for magic. 

No, it wasn’t so innocent. It was straight up because of my skin tone. I looked like the girl the song was describing. I had no idea. Nor did I realize a silent war was raging in my family. 

Growing up was...hard to say the least. It is even harder when you have racism on both sides pointing fingers at each other. On my mother’s side, my aunt and uncle wouldn’t allow me to visit unless it was a holiday to which there was pressure from the family. Out of spite, they would invite my much older siblings father over to cause a fight (The man did not celebrate christmas). Meanwhile my other aunt would tell me over and over again I was Italian. In the end, during these events I would end up alone and not know why. 

Now lets turn to the other side of the family, my father’s. My first words had been Spanish. Yet, I lived with English speaking relatives... guess who stopped speaking Spanish for a long while. When visiting my family on his side, none of of my relatives would address me, only if they had to because my father was not around. These people knew how to speak English, very well even though they had moved from their native island. They just refused to speak to me. This sucked cause where it was 3 people on my mother’s side, it was 16 aunt’s and uncles on my fathers not counting the dozens of cousins I had. So, as the other family events, I ended up alone not knowing why. 

The answer was rather simple but much to complicated for my child self. Both sides of my family was and still is completely racist. My white mother was near exiled for being with a man many would consider black (he considers himself Spanish and oddly doesn’t get the fascination on why his skin matters or makes me worry about him when he is stopped by cops...). I was the ‘mixed’ baby, a simple of her family’s shame. 

My father’s side could not care what color my mother was, only that she was not Spanish. For those who don’t know, Spanish can be an array of color, its cool. But, she was no Spanish, did not speak Spanish and therefore my father was exiled by everyone but his own mother for many years (which is why we ended up in family events, my mama wanted to see her youngest grandchild by her baby boy). This meant being put at the back table, being openly mocked, and never told of big family events like babies or weddings. 

This only lead to more fighting at home and in the end even my own siblings, alienated me. It was a pretty lonely experience. 

This carried on to school and friendships. Elementary was not fun, but I felt the effects more in Jr. and High school. In elementary I was grouped with the other Spanish kids, because starting in late summer I had my Spanish tan on and therefore, I was not white to other white kids. But I did not speak Spanish. At one point I spoke gibberish to just to be able to hang with the Spanish kids at recess. It worked and I still don’t know how. 

In Jr. ahhhh... at one point my family was making good money, which originally, it once took the income of five adults to keep us afloat, now it just took 2. My father and my grandpa (who I will talk about later). We moved to a ‘nicer’ neighborhood. In the early 2000′s that mean, a white neighborhood. Boy, did I stick out. 

Now you might think “But you grew up in NYC, said you were from Brooklyn” well, here is a fun fact. Nothing is more segregated than NYC schools. The north did not do busing like the south did, so white schools stayed mostly white while schools in low income areas stayed mostly black or other minority races. I was a very tan child going into a white neighbor hood to a white school. Lets top it off that I played video games and Yu-Gi-Oh, HA! 

I received hell. I had legit parents sneer at me, and girls asking me if I had sex because I was Spanish. A 12 year old, got hit on by 15 year olds because they thought my race made me easy. I was 12, all I wanted was to collect cards and play Pokemon on my stupid advance, I had no time for boys unless they were anime. But... someone (more than likely their parents) had set these ideas in their head on how Spanish people, more so girls, acted. 

Then I realized, I really liked all things Gothic. A Spanish Goth.... it pains me to think about it. Everything from poser, to faker, and ‘trying to act white’ was laid on me. I could not wait for Jr. High to end. And when it did, a whole 180 happen. 

I was no longer Spanish. I did not know why, just everyone referred to me as ‘the ONLY white girl’ in the school and that is not a joke. My school, was dubbed the worse in all of Brooklyn and shut down, which I believe it was dubbed that because of the 1% white population... I was the 1 after my second year when the other white kid (who was a boy people asked was my boyfriend) graduated. Now, in high school it wasn’t the kids who gave me hell. It was the teachers. 

In fact, high school led me to meet others who were also feeling alienated. One of which I am very close to, a black man who is Jewish (adopted by a white couple) and gay. He did not where he belonged either. In the mid-00′s to be a black gay man living near the ghetto was dangerous. I can’t count how many times he had to hide who he was so he wouldn’t get shot. Nor could I count how many times my other friend coped with being a biracial black man who loved anime and being goth so much he was bullied for it when we weren’t together (who I ended up dating throughout high school). 

Suddenly being labelled white get me an acceptance I was not expecting. I ended up being popular against my best efforts and people who I did not know knew me. At 15 I did not get what had changed, because no one had told me yet. No, I figured it out at 16, when I was placed in senior English because of my grades. My English teacher told me, I was white, in the worse why I could ever imagine. 

My English teacher, a beautiful black woman who celebrated her African roots, gave an assignment one day. I was one out of five in a class of thirty who did it, because I did it in her class the day before. I played sports, so did half the other kids, I did not have time after school. This did not sit well with her, she was mad, which was an understatement. So, she turned to the class and said

“This is why our people end up in Jail or having babies to early. Because like black people don’t take education seriously.” Then called be out by name and continued “is why she will end up being successful, because white people know the importance of an education.” 

First off, she was very racist towards EVERYONE, second I at 16, who was always called Spanish in school was now labelled white in front of everyone by an adult. I was both confused and terrified as my boyfriend who knew my family cared JACK SHIT about education looked ready to kill her. Luckily, he just walked out of class and waited for me as I was too studded to move. 

I later asked him if he thought I was white, he admitted he did until he saw my father and called me biracial. For the first time in 16 years, I had been called biracial. Went home, did not tell anyone what happened, asked my mother if I was biracial and she said yes. To shorten this up, this was what life felt like, 

At home, I had no race. Neither side welcomed me. 

In school, I was told I was Spanish and had to fake my way in the Spanish group.

Jr High, I am now trying to distance myself from everyone as being Spanish makes me a target. 

High School, I thought being Spanish would be a good thing. Now everyone is telling me I am white. 

I had not idea who or what I was. 

All I ever wanted was to be me. I wanted to understand why my family never got close to me, and I wanted friends who were friends because I was me. 

It was like I was being ripped to pieces. I could be what others wanted or be no one at all. I had no idea what to do. If people at the new school found out I was Spanish, would I become a target again? I was allowed to freely play games, watch anime, and be my gothic self if I were white. But that also meant I could not hang out with my friends who lived in the Ghetto, shouldn’t like rap, R&B, and reggaetón or use the slang I grew up always using. 

To be a Spanish person trying to be white

or 

A white person trying to be black/another minority of color. 

I had watched as the former got my friend (boyfriend at the time) kicked out of classrooms as he was compared to those involved in columbine shooting from teachers since he was different. Also the hell he received from other boys for cosplaying and playing anime based card games. At one point it was so rough he thought about dropping out and I begged him to stay along with his mother. I was so afraid of going through that again.

So I kept my mouth shut. 

I took on the military standard of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. My father never came to the school because he worked so much so no one knew. Everyday, I just took what my English teacher said to be without any force back. When Obama was voted in, she told me I had no right to celebrate, that my people had JFK and that Obama was for all the minorities to celebrate. I fell into a dark hole of hating myself. My home life was awful and now school I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t comfortable with. I started ditching classes, got into more fights than I would care to admit, did some really shady stuff and began hurting myself. 

The only joy I got was when I busted my ass grades wise and got out of school six months early. I did not have to go to school anymore and I could lock myself away to be no one but myself. It was lonely but I found company in books and my art. Through art I was allowed to be me and no one could take that away. 

When I returned for Graduation I June, did I get the final laugh on that English bitch. My mother and father showed up, she asked if my father was a cab driver helping my mother as she had gone blind. I told her, rather happily, that was my father. She went from joy to sheer disgusts faster than you can blink. For years she kept talking about who ‘mix babies’ never got any where as their fathers were never around. Yet, despite me hardly showing up, I gradated top of my class, never had a baby nor was I ‘loose’ (In fact I feared sex as a teenager), and my mixed couple parents as she lovingly called it, were together. 

She walked away from me and never said a word since. 

But now school was over, college was starting. I still hadn’t figured out who I was. Was I white/Italian or Spanish. In college I learnt no one was going to tell me who I was anymore, nor did they care. At home, it was still a battle of the races. Finally, one of my cousins spoke up and declared I wasn’t Spanish as I knew nothing of the language. At home, my aunt and uncle decided I was Spanish and called me a ‘Spick’ as a joke. I did not take it as one and therefore I was called ‘uptight’. 

My siblings also informed me, if I wanted free college to put down Spanish on everything unless it was the census. Then I should be white. Sometimes I still run into people who think I am one over the other. I had people come up to be speaking Spanish to be highly offended when I tell them I don’t speak the Language well. (I tried learning but it is hard when motivation is not there). 

In recent years, I had someone at work tell me how they met a Spanish person, shockingly where my father works, and then described in detail my father and then tell me they thought he was illegal since he looked the type. All because they thought I was white... proud to say that person got fired for being racist.I did also inform them that was my father to their response was “you’re one of them”. 

It never ends. 

No, the reason why I haven’t been driven insane is because of my late grandpa. My grandpa was a man I adopted to be my grandfather. My biological grandfathers on both sides died long before I was born and the man I adopted was close to the family and acted like a father to my parents. He was a good man and the reason I had a childhood. 

He once went through the same, Italian/Jewish, you wouldn’t think there would be a problem but when he was growing up that equaled Catholic/Jewish, to which he too was either pinned in the middle or rejected by both sides, this is the 1930′s-1940s. He gave me the best piece of advance ever. 

To be myself. 

That if I were myself, then it did not matter. The moment I stopped being who I am, that passing or faking would never tell me who my real friends were. That if he, could love me for who I was, a weird girl who liked boy things and drawing strange looking characters, then anyone else could. Being a stranger to myself would never bring happiness. So, after years of not listening to that, I finally decided to listen to my Grandpa. 

I know who I am, I know the history of my families. They might not like that I am not what they want me to be, but they don’t have to live with me. I have to live with who I am. My friends are my friends because they know who I am, not who they think I should be. 

So for all my biracial brothers, sisters and them’s, be yourself. Don’t try to force yourself into a mold, it isn’t worth it. None of it is worth it. 

Look yourself in the mirror and say your name. Say it loud and let everyone know they can not define who you are, and so what if they say you don’t belong, guess what? You do if you want. You belong because YOU say so, because that blood runs in your veins as well as theirs. So you get to make that choice! 

Make that choice of being you! Define yourself to YOUR standards. 

Don’t let anyone take that away. I know I won’t.

So here I see myself! A strange fox who changes coats with the seasons, that loves anime and video games, who plays Yu-Gi-Oh and listens to opera and Metal while can twerk and get low to Daddy Yankee! Who eats sushi and makes a mean chicken cutlet but can also make the best empanda with beans and rice with the rest of them!

And no one can take that from me.

[tommyparkerr]

Promises BONUS III | Peter Parker x Reader

So...this is it, guys. The end of the road. :’( On the bright side, though, I’ve had so, so, so much fun with this series and I feel like I grew a lot as a writer through this. I explored a lot of new scenes and emotions and POVs which gave me an idea for a new series I want to start with an OC (@dahliaspidey​ knows exactly what I’m talking about here), and I never would have felt confident enough to write it if I hadn’t written Promises. These bonuses were kind of a last hoorah for me to finish off the series because I had so much left to say about Peter and Y/N’s future that I couldn’t not share it. 

I want to thank everyone who has shown me support through this series, and even though it doesn’t have as many notes as I’d hoped when I first started writing, it’s been good for me. Especially now that I want to write an OC, and we all know how those go. However, I know now how to write for myself and that I’m always going to have someone who supports me. So, if that’s you you haven’t gone unnoticed. I appreciate you so much, and even if you only stick around long enough to leave a like I want you to know I appreciate you, too. :)

Anyways...Onward! This is the bonus I’ve been wanting to write since the very beginning, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It encompasses what this entire series was built off of: angst, frustration, tears, and a good dose of fluff to make up for it. I love you all!<3

Words: 6.6k

Warnings: Angst, tears, sadness, mentions of anxiety...then f l u f f

-Masterlist-

P R O M I S E S  -  B O N U S  T H R E E :

“Mary-Jane Parker, you get back here right now!”

The four-year-old simply giggled from her hiding place in the closet, a large hand sneaking from behind her to cover her mouth. When it served no help in muffling the noise, which only seemed to grow louder at the attempt of being quieted, the hand offered her another one of her favorite cookies. She took it without hesitation, shoving it into her mouth and smearing chocolate on her white shirt. 

“Oh, c’mon–did you really have to do that?” the cookie-offerer whispered in distress, attempting to brush away the mess she’d created. “We had a deal, Miss Virginia Parker, and now your mom’s going to kill me and it’ll be all your fault.”

Mary-Jane Virginia Parker smiled a toothy grin, tipping her head back to look at the man behind her. “Sowy Gwanpa Pops,” she said through the mouthful of cookie she still had, her words coming out jumbled and skewed but nevertheless warming the fifty-year-old’s heart. 

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about–how am I supposed to be mad at you when you say stuff like that? Please, please never learn how to pronounce your ‘r’s, because it’s the cutest damn–dang, sorry, and please don’t tell your mom I said that–thing I’ve ever heard.”

The girl giggled again and reached a hand out for the Chips Ahoy! package her grandpa still held. He rolled his eyes but gave her another, this time taking one for himself as well.

“How long aw we gonna hide fwum Mommy?” she asked after chewing and swallowing and grabbing another. Tony knew he was going to get into huge trouble by letting her have so many cookies and agreeing to hide her so she didn’t have to take a nap, but it was Christmas Eve and he just wanted as much time with his granddaughter as possible before the Parkers headed back home to Queens.

So, Tony shrugged. “Until nap time is over, I guess.” 

The girl’s eyes widened as if she couldn’t believe it was possible to hide for so long. “But what if Mommy finds us?”

“You’ve played hide-and-go-seek before, right? The tag version?” 

She nodded quickly, loving every opportunity she got to show her grandpa how much she knew. “I love that game, Gwandpa Pops! Sophia and Maggie and I play it all the time! I can wun fastah than anyone on the playgwound!”

Tony grinned, a sense of pride filling him even if there was no definite proof that was true. But with half of Peter's DNA in her, it was possible. Though, they wouldn’t know that for sure until she was older. Much older, hopefully. “Good. When your mommy finds us, we’re going to run faster than you ever have on the playground, all right?”

“All wight,” Mary-Jane nodded, now on a mission. “Can I have anothuh cookie pwease?”

Suddenly the closet door was yanked open and light filled the previously dark area. Mary-Jane reacted quicker than any of them could have hoped to themselves (except Peter, of course), snatching the package of cookies from her grandpa before squealing and sprinting through her mother’s legs into the hallway. 

“Oh, I see how it is!” Tony shouted after her, now cookie and granddaughter-less. “Take the cookies and leave the old man to die!”

Of course, if the giant grin on his face said anything, he didn’t mean a single word.

There was a sigh and Tony sheepishly looked up, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, before you say anything, I haven’t seen my granddaughter in, like, a whole month now, so if you want to steal her away from me on Christmas Eve to go take a nap like some wimpy little kid-”

Tony ignored the exasperated, “-she is a little kid, Tony-” from his wife and went on.

“-then maybe you should let her come stay at Grandpa’s more often. I’m just saying.”

While Pepper simply looked frustrated, a guilty look suddenly overtook Y/N’s face. It still didn’t change the fact that Tony was at the mercy of the two scariest women on earth right now, but at least he wasn’t alone. He had Peter, who looked oddly entertained but slightly guilty as well.

“Peter, can you go find our daughter, please?” Y/N said, sighing. “Tell her no nap, but we do have to have a family discussion in the living room.”

“Wait...” Tony said, looking between his wife and daughter-in-law with practiced caution. “Am I in trouble or not? Because on the one hand ‘no nap’ sounds like I won, but the family discussion part sounds like I’m walking to my deathbed.”

“Trust me, old man,” Pepper said with a roll of her eyes as she practically yanked him upright. “If we wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead ages ago.”

It was times like these where Tony was reminded just how terrifying his wife was. “Somehow, I know that’s absolutely true,” he agreed.

Pepper smirked, ushering Y/N to follow along behind them as they made their way to the living room. “Good to know old age hasn’t stolen all of your brains yet.”

Tony was about to protest when Peter and his granddaughter made their appearance, Mary-Jane sitting on her father’s shoulders while each of them chomped down on a cookie. 

“Hey, Gwandpa Pops! Daddy wants to give you a cookie too since you only got one.”

Tony grinned and took the package Peter was stretching out to him, his eyes gleaming with mischief. Suddenly he wasn’t so sure about the situation but took the package anyway, looking inside it to find...nothing.

Tony looked up and glared. “You little sh-”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Pepper interrupted, giving Tony a dirty look. Tony winced and plopped down on the couch while Peter and Mary-Jane howled with laughter. Peter only shut up when Y/N gave him a nasty look of her own, which in turn made Tony snicker. Peter gently lowered Mary-Jane down and told her to go play in her room, then sat next to Tony.

“You’re whipped,” Tony whispered low enough so the girls (who were settling down on the couch across from them) couldn’t hear.

“At least I only answer to two women and not three,” Peter shot back, obviously referring to his wife and daughter. Tony chuckled, inconspicuously pointing to Pepper.

“I’ll believe that when I see you tell her no, Parker.”

Peter scowled but didn’t respond.

The mood in the room dropped from humorous to serious way too quickly for Tony’s liking, concern overtaking him when he saw Y/N holding Pepper’s hand and Peter suddenly leaning forward practically radiating anxiety. Although Tony knew there was nothing said that he hadn’t picked up on, he was positive he must’ve missed something that caused the mood in the room to become what it is. He thought about saying something but decided to let Y/N do the talking, which was probably the smartest choice considering his wife’s deadly stare.

“Okay, um…” Y/N looked at Peter, who nodded at her in support. “So, first things first, I guess. Um...well, the good news is that we’re pregnant again. A little girl.”

Tony simultaneously felt joy and dread fill his heart, and from the looks of it, Pepper was experiencing the same thing. This was nothing like the announcement for Mary-Jane, and the growing anxiety made his knee start to incessantly bounce.

“And?” Tony prodded impatiently. 

Pepper’s jaw dropped. “Tony,” she hissed, her eyes aflame.

“What are you mad at me for?!” Tony exclaimed. “It was silent and I don’t do well with silence, you know that! And whenever there’s good news there’s bad news and I really don’t want to allow my head more time to dream up worst-case scenarios that keep me up all night! I was simply speeding the process along, that’s all!”

“Pepper, it’s okay,” Y/N assured her with a small smile. “Really. We all know Tony’s a blabbermouth, anyway. Were you really expecting anything else?”

“Hey, since when did it become ‘Gang up on Tony’ day? Because I elect to make it ‘Gang up on Peter’ day instead,” he said, ignoring Peter’s sputtered protests.

“Woah, that’s totally unfair!” he exclaimed. “And it’s so not cool.”

Tony shrugged, leaning back on the couch. “Yeah, well, life’s uncool. Deal with it, kid.”

“But you can’t just do that-”

“Of course, I can. I’m Tony Stark-”

“And I’m your son-”

“The doctor doesn’t know if the baby will make it through the pregnancy.”

The room fell deadly silent after Y/N’s interruption, and the hint of a smile that had started to form on Tony’s face dropped. His heart stopped beating for a minute and his head went blank, completely lost on how to process the information. When he finally snapped back to reality, he saw that Pepper had a hand over her mouth in shock but that her eyes were filled with tears, Y/N was wringing her hands in anticipation, and the boy next to him...well, Peter looked utterly defeated.

“How…” Pepper’s voice shook. “How far along are you?”

“Eighteen weeks,” Y/N answered, looking down at the floor. “We just found out the gender yesterday before we came here. I’ve been on strict bed rest for the past six weeks which is why...well, why we haven’t been here.”

Tony suddenly felt guilty for throwing his granddaughter’s missing presence in their face now. He’d meant it as a joke because he was sure they had their reasons and that they weren’t purposefully keeping her from him, but...he would’ve never guessed that their reason was this.

“Does Mary-Jane know you’re pregnant?” Tony asked, feeling some of his anxiety slip away at Peter’s shake of the head.

“No. We...we didn’t want to tell her yet in case...in case…” The rest of the sentence was never spoken but fell just as heavy upon the room’s occupants as if it were.

After a bit of silence, Y/N spoke up again. “It doesn’t mean that we will lose her, it’s just...it’s just not highly likely that we won’t.” At that she started to cry, no longer able to hold back her trembling jaw and dam in her eyes. Pepper immediately brought her into her arms, and Tony was about to make his way over as well when Peter suddenly jumped up and ran down the hall. He debated for a moment where to go and who to comfort, because it was plainly obvious Y/N needed all the support she could get right now and that meant that Peter probably did too, but he also wasn’t sure if Peter’s running off meant he wanted to be alone. Lucky for him, Pepper opened her eyes to see his turmoil and nodded her chin toward where Peter had gone. Following his wife’s instructions, because her instincts were always right, he shot up, placed a kiss on Y/N’s head, then went off to chase Peter down.

“Pete?” he called out after searching for him for what felt like ages. And, yes, he could’ve just asked FRIDAY, but this time he preferred to find him himself. “Peter, bud, where are you?” Tony didn’t get a direct answer, but he did see a certain room light on without any noise to accompany the sign of life inside. He took a breath before opening up the door.

Bright pink walls and a littered room floor filled his view, Barbies and stuffed animals and storybooks scattered all over the place like an intricate booby trap. Luckily there weren’t any Legos within the mess; he’d stepped on enough of Peter’s to last a lifetime. And, in the midst of it all, he saw the boy he’d been looking for.

Tony quietly lowered himself to the ground next to Peter, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl in front of him. 

“She’s always needed her afternoon nap,” Peter said, his eyes not looking away from his daughter. Tony smiled at the Spider-Man toy she held as she slept, curled into a ball that made her look ten times smaller than she already was. “One time when she was two, she got so grumpy with us for not making her take a nap that she just laid down on the floor and took matters into her own hands. Slept hard as a rock,” he chuckled. 

“And now here we are,” Tony said with a grin, not doubting for a second that the story wasn’t true. Mary-Jane Virginia Parker had been stubbornly independent since the day she was born, each passing day growing into a stronger leader than she was the day before. 

“Here we are,” Peter agreed, a smile on his face. “Seven hundred and thirty days later and we’re in the exact same position.”

They both were quiet for a while, Peter eventually reaching out to brush Mary-Jane’s curly brown hair out of her face. It seemed that touching her was all it took for him to break, as his entire body immediately began to shake.

Tony didn’t dare touch Peter for fear he’d really start to cry and the four-year-old would wake up to the scene. “Let me get her into bed and I’ll meet you down in the lab, okay, Pete?”

Peter nodded and quickly stepped out of the room without a single comment; Tony thought it would be harder to get him to leave but, then again, Peter probably hadn’t wanted to wake Mary-Jane and cause her to ask questions they couldn’t answer about why her dad was crying.

Tony’s knees popped and his back protested as he picked up the little girl and carried her to her bed, tucking her in and giving her a kiss. He took a moment just to look and take her in—his only granddaughter and the only person he could love more than anyone else in the world. And now he was supposed to get two—two beautiful baby girls—and so was Peter and so was Y/N and so was Mary-Jane, but now it was possible she’d be taken away from them before they could get to know her and it wasn’t fair. 

But looking at Peter and Y/N and how strong their first daughter turned out to be, he hoped—he knew—that that baby girl was going to live. She was going to defeat every odd in the book and come out stronger than anyone could have hoped; she was going to be the biggest miracle they’d ever experienced because there was no other option. 

She was going to live. She had to. 

Tony eventually made his way to the lab, feeling both hesitant and eager to get to his kid as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure he would have the right words to say, but he could try. 

He’d lost too much in his life, and fate be damned if it was going to try to take that baby girl away from him too. 

When he got down to the lab, he half expected to see Peter sobbing in a corner somewhere he couldn’t easily be seen. However, it wasn’t what he got. Instead, he got what looked like a lifeless Peter sat on a workbench with head in hands, his body absolutely still. Tony carefully approached him, not sure what to do. He received no reaction as he got closer, leading him to perch himself on the seat beside his unusually quiet kid. Tony didn’t know if he was supposed to break the silence or not, but luckily he didn’t have to wonder long.

“Hey.”

Tony winced at the sound of his voice, raw and ruined. Maybe he’d stayed in the room with Mary-Jane longer than he thought he did–long enough, at least, for Peter to cry until his lungs gave out.

He lifted his hand and dropped it onto Peter’s shoulder, choosing to go with silent acknowledgment rather than verbal. Apparently that was all Peter needed to break down again, as his voice dropped to a whisper and he brokenly sobbed, “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, Dad. I can’t-I can’t lose one of her. I can’t lose her, Dad, I can’t.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who Peter was referring to, and normally Tony would have made some sort of quip about his ingenuity, but now all he did was reach over and wrap his kid up in his arms. Peter laid his head on his shoulder, and his hands shook as he clutched onto Tony’s AC/DC shirt. Tony couldn’t help it when tears pricked his eyes and a lump formed in his throat; seeing Peter like this–so broken, so afraid, so helpless–hurt more than he ever imagined it could. And Tony was afraid too, because that was his granddaughter and his kid and his daughter-in-law the world was messing with, but he had to be strong now. If not for Peter and Y/N, then for himself.

“You won’t,” Tony said, his voice firm but quiet. “You won’t lose her.”

Peter didn’t respond at first. “How do you know that?”

“Because I’m a genius,” Tony automatically quipped and immediately regretted it when he felt Peter stiffen. “Sorry, sorry–not the time for my not-so-genius wit, I know.” He took a deep breath. “Look, Pete, I know it seems like this is the end of the world for you, but let me tell you something: That baby you’re mourning right now? She’s still alive. Her heart is still beating and her brain is still thinking, yet you’re acting like she’s already gone. She’s alive, Peter. She’s alive, and she’s yours, and she needs every ounce of love and encouragement she can get so she can grow.”

“She’s not a plant, Dad,” Peter mumbled, voice muffled by Tony’s shirt. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Hear me out, okay? Yeah, maybe she’s small right now or the doctor is expecting some sort of health issues, but even if she was born a little small or with six toes, you’d still love her, right? And you better say yes, because if you don’t this whole plan I had laid out in my head just went to shit.”

Peter smiled–just a little bit–and Tony felt accomplished.

“Of course I would. I do.”

“Then what are you doing sitting here crying for her?” Tony asked seriously, pulling Peter off his shoulder and looking him straight in the eye. He was simultaneously going for tough love and compassion, making his next few sentences come out assertive yet soft. “You love her, so act like it. Look–if Mary-Jane told you she wanted to play on the soccer team but was horrifyingly bad at it, you wouldn’t stomp on her dreams, would you? You’d encourage her, Pete; you’d cheer her on, no matter what. Mary-Jane is strong and brilliant and braver than I ever could be–what do you think makes this little girl any different?”

It was silent for a long time as Peter simply stared at Tony with eyes full of unshed tears. Then he started to smile–a watery smile but one nonetheless. 

“She is brilliant, isn’t she?” he tearily laughed. 

“Of course she is,” Tony said. “I’m her grandpa.”

Peter smirked. “Grandpa Pops.”

Tony playfully glared as he pulled Peter back in for a half hug, half noogie. “Get over here, you little twit.”

—

The call came in the middle of the night at approximately 2:33am, disturbing Tony’s and Pepper’s rest alike (though Tony had only been asleep for an hour now). Pepper stumbled out of bed to grab the phone–whether it was his phone or his wife’s he didn’t know. He was expecting her to simply decline the call and take care of whichever important business person forgot time zones were something that existed in the morning, but she instead of picked it up with a too loud, “Hello?” 

Tony groaned and grumpily mumbled, “Who the hell-” but was interrupted by the ‘zip it’ motion given by his wife. He turned over and put a pillow over his head, grumbling to himself and fully planning to murder whoever was calling at 2:33 in the morning. That was until he heard the next words from his wife’s mouth.

“Right now? She’s in labor right now?!”

Suddenly Tony was more awake, moving the pillow off his head and shooting upright. He looked at Pepper to hopefully get some answers, but all he got was a frantic waving toward the closet. Luckily Tony picked up on it and threw the sheets off of him, nearly tripping over his own feet as he picked out clothes for the hospital. 

“Peter–Peter calm down, okay, hun? Take a breath–Peter, slow down!”

Tony’s heart clenched and he finished slipping on his chosen AC/DC shirt (he still couldn’t believe that the kid mistook them for Led Zeppelin) only to leave his pants behind as he rushed to Pepper. She was still trying to get Peter to calm down–unsuccessfully, it sounded like–but before she could say anything further Tony impatiently stuck his hand out and said, “Give me the phone, Pep.”

She looked relieved, not even bothering to tell Peter she was handing over the phone before depositing it into Tony’s hand and going to get dressed herself. 

As Tony put the phone to his ear, he immediately heard the ramble the kid was in the middle of, panicked and breathless. He didn’t waste any time in reacting. “Peter? Pete, it’s me, kid. Breathe. I mean it, Underoos. Breathe. Breathe, and then we can talk, okay? I’m not talking to you until you pause for a minute and breathe.”

The rambling died almost immediately, replaced by gasps for air that were partially caused by not breathing for a good minute and a half and partially by the anxiety Tony was sure was coursing through the kid. Tony let the silence go on for a few more seconds before speaking again. “Okay, kid, that’s a good start. Now, when you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, I’m listening.”

Surprisingly, Peter took a few more breaths before beginning to explain. “It’s Y/N–she’s in labor right now. We just got to the hospital and the doctors are getting everything ready and oh my go-”

“Breathe, Pete. Remember?”

He took in a choked breath. “Yeah–right. Right.”

Tony waited a moment or two, contemplating on where to lead the conversation. “What’s up, kid? Are you all right? Is Y/N all right?”

“I don’t–I mean, yeah, Y/N’s fine, I’m fine, but like–what if it’s not, Mr. Stark? What if it goes wrong and something happens?”

“Listen to me, Peter,” Tony said seriously. “Everything is going to be okay. Remember almost five months ago when you didn’t know if you’d even make it to today? Well, today is here, Peter, and it’s waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and pull yourself together to go be with your wife and soon-to-be daughter. You got that? I know anxiety can be a pain in the ass, but you cannot let it win this time, okay, bud? There’s too many people who need you in that room right now, your unborn daughter being one of them. So know that Pep and I will be there, but you’ve got somewhere to be right now, and it is not in the hospital waiting room. You go there after little Anthony is born, okay?”

That managed to get a small laugh out of Peter, and Tony smiled in relief. “We’re not naming her Anthony, Mr. Stark; we’ve been over this.”

“Sorry Pete, you’re cutting out and I totally did not hear what you just said. But we’ll be there soon to meet little Miss Anthony Junior,” Tony joked as he sat on the bed and worked on putting on the pair of pants that Pepper handed to him; she was rolling her eyes and shaking her head at where their conversation had turned back to, but she had a smile on her face which told him she wasn’t truly annoyed. Besides, it had only ever been a joke; there was no way Tony would let them really name their daughter Anthony, which was why he found it so humorous when he entertained it.

Peter laughed again, then went quiet. Tony frowned. Just as he was about to check the phone to see if the call had dropped somehow, Peter spoke up. “Thank you, Dad.”

Tony genuinely smiled and finished putting his sweatpants on as he replied, “Anytime, Pete.”

The call ended.

—

The waiting room ended being pretty empty when they got there. Tony guessed it had something to do with the fact that it was three in the morning, but he knew for a fact that nothing good happened after midnight (nonetheless on a Friday night) so he was pleasantly surprised when he found that the only people he had to share a waiting room with was Pepper, May, Mary-Jane (who was sleeping on May’s lap when they arrived), Rhodey, Happy, and one night shift nurse who seemed close to falling asleep at the lack of patients. Rhodey and Happy had shown up a couple hours later at a more respectable hour, but only because Tony hadn’t called them until then. 

They all took turns dozing off, making sure at least one of them was awake in case Peter would make an appearance. So far it had been radio silence, which was either really good or really bad, but no one but Tony seemed overly anxious about that so he forced himself to relax. He took Mary-Jane from May when she excused herself to the bathroom and went on a coffee run at about seven o’clock, knowing that at this point no one was going to be sleeping anymore; it had been close to four and a half hours now, so in about an hour they could start taking bets on when the next Parker would show up. Of course, there were no guarantees it would even happen until late afternoon, but he knew no one would bet that in order to avoid jinxing it. They were all eager, and hearing absolutely nothing for almost five hours was hard for all of them.

The waiting room started to fill up as time went on, but for a Saturday morning it wasn’t too bad. The poor night shift nurse left at seven o’clock, and May winced in empathy when she tripped over her feet trying to get to the time clock. 

It was approximately seven-thirty when they started taking bets: May with her best guess being 9:30, Pepper with an optimistic 8:15, Rhodey with a strangely specific 9:52, Happy with a not-so-optimistic 11:45, Mary-Jane with a wild guess of 13:13 not knowing what exactly they were all talking about but wanting to participate anyway, and Tony with a guess he never got to speak because a familiar, more exhausted version of Peter Parker showed up. No one seemed to notice but him yet, so at Tony’s questioning look and Peter’s nod of his head, he wore a smile as he spoke past his throat suddenly closing up, “Seven thirty-seven?”

All heads snapped to the doorway now and May was the first to react, jumping up and rushing to her nephew to give him a hug. Peter closed his eyes and accepted the action, practically sinking into her arms. Mary-Jane went next, shouting an excited, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”

Soon the entire room followed, laughing and smiling through happy tears, and Tony had never seen Happy cry before, but now he was and he would hold it against him forever if not for the fact that he was crying too. All of those months endlessly stressing and worrying over Y/N and baby, praying that they would simply make it to tomorrow, finally could fade away. And the relief that resulted from that was enough to make tears arise in even the most emotionless man’s eyes. 

“Not that I’m saying I don’t appreciate the hugs, but I think there’s some others who would like to see you as well,” Peter’s voice spoke, and suddenly everyone was stepping back and looking to him expectantly. He ran a tired hand down his face, accepting the coffee May handed him with a grateful smile. “There can only be two of you back there at one time for right now, excluding Mary-Jane. Everyone’s fine, but Momma and babies are exhausted and can’t handle everyone’s excitement all at one time.”

Only silence followed his statement, the only one not seeming to pick up on the heaviness of what Peter just said being the recently turned five-year-old currently clinging to her dad’s neck. Peter attempted a sly smirk, but it only came out as a half-smile.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, still staring. “Did you just say babies? As in plural? As in babies, not baby?”

Peter’s smile grew slightly. “Oh, yeah–fun fact: Did you know it’s possible for an entire baby not to show up on a single ultrasound? Because I sure didn’t. Seems kind of ridiculous, right? But I guess that’s Parker luck for you. Leave it to us to beat the impossible; first becoming half-spider, then being discovered and mentored by the Tony Stark, somehow managing to get a girl way out of my league, then having a baby we weren’t even supposed to have, let alone two of them.”

May let out a breathy laugh and lifted a hand to her mouth to keep her cries muffled. Pepper did much the same, laughing as tears shone in her eyes. Rhodey simply laughed and clapped him on the back while Happy grinned and rested a hand on May’s shoulder. Tony still stood there, seemingly speechless, until Peter turned to him for a reaction.

“How do you miss a whole ass baby?”

Pepper gasped and hit him across the arm but he paid no attention to her, only staring at Peter as he threw his head back and laughed and May put her hands over Mary-Jane’s ears. Tony finally started to break out into a grin since the new announcement, itching to get his hands on his two new granddaughters. 

When Peter finally settled down, his extended laughter probably due to sleep deprivation and complete and utter exhaustion, he held Mary-Jane closer to him and placed a kiss on her head before turning his gaze to Tony and May. He softly smiled, his eyes tired but never so alight with happiness. “Did you want to meet them?”

“Do you even have to ask?” May responded, using a tissue to dab at her eyes. Peter looked at Tony now, raising a brow inquisitively. He rolled his eyes, sniffing in an attempt to hide his previous tears (though he was sure there was no use, proven by Rhodey’s quiet snicker at the action).

“What Aunt Hottie said, kid.”

Peter nodded and turned to everyone else sympathetically. “I promise you’ll get to meet them soon. I just...we just feel like May and Tony should be the first considering…” He trailed off, his eyes begging them to understand. 

Pepper stepped forward and kissed the boy on the cheek, smiling comfortingly at him. “Don’t worry about it, Peter. We understand, I promise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rhodey said with a smirk. “Letting the proud parents go first and everything–it’s tradition.”

Tony rolled his eyes at his friend and shoved him half-heartedly back toward the waiting room but didn’t attempt to deny it. After all, Peter was his son and Y/N was practically a daughter, and he knew May felt the same. 

As Peter led them back to the room, Mary-Jane participated in making funny faces from her place in her father’s arms, facing her Grandpa Pops and Grandma May and currently competing with them both to see who could make the goofiest face. Peter looked behind him at one point to see Tony’s attempt and burst into laughter, May hurriedly telling him to shush (as though she wasn’t laughing) before they woke up the babies. And considering they were right outside the door, it was probably a valid concern. Not one that stopped Mary-Jane, however, from squirming out of her father’s arms and opening the door himself, running into the room and yelling, “Mommy!”

Peter cursed and quickly followed, grabbing her just in time to keep her from jumping onto Y/N. Y/N looked at her husband gratefully and relieved before smiling at her daughter and gesturing for Peter to lay her down beside her.

“Hey, baby,” she greeted, combing her fingers through her hair. “Did you have a fun time with your grandparents and uncles?”

Mary-Jane nodded and snuggled into her mother’s side, closing her eyes with a yawn. “We played lots of games and I won them all.”

Y/N now turned her gaze to Tony and May, who were standing in the door still, transfixed as they watched Peter walk to the other side of the room to carefully scoop up a tiny, sleeping baby with a pink hat. She smiled at them, her eyes even darker than Peter’s, and said, “Who would’ve thought that all this time we were worrying for just one baby Parker, we were actually worrying for two?”

May laughed and finally stepped inside, going over to her daughter-in-law and giving her a gentle hug. “You did good, sweetheart.” 

“May?” Peter interrupted quietly. When she turned around, he nodded his head toward the bundle in his arms and asked, “Do you want to hold her?”

May hurriedly nodded and stepped back, sitting on one of three chairs beside the bed. Tears reappeared in her eyes as Peter lowered the baby girl down into her arms and she choked on them as she whispered, “She’s so beautiful.”

Peter smiled and lowered himself beside her, staring lovingly at his aunt and newborn daughter. “She is, isn’t she?”

May only laughed and ran a gentle finger down the girl’s cheek. “Oh, Peter. She’s perfect.”

Tony blinked and fell out of his stupor, stupidly stumbling forward until he could peer around May’s shoulder at the tiny bundle of joy. He didn’t have to stare for more than a tenth of a second to decide that she was, indeed, perfect. He smiled, biting the inside of his cheek to fight the tears wanting to flood his eyes. 

“What’s her name, Underoos?”

Peter looked at May with a loving grin. “We thought Bailee May sounded pretty good to us, if it sounds good to you.”

May snapped her head around to look at both her nephew and his wife, her lip trembling. “You...you’re serious?”

Y/N spoke up, her eyes drooping but her mind still conscious enough to respond. “Never been more serious.”

May choked on a sob, reaching an arm to Peter to pull him into an awkward yet suffocating embrace. “Of course. Of course, it sounds good to me, you guys.”

When Peter pulled away he stood, nodding at his seat while he looked at Tony, obviously wanting him to sit. Tony obeyed but couldn’t ignore the wide grin spreading on Y/N’s face as Peter went to get Baby Girl Number Two.

There was only one problem.

When Peter lifted Baby Girl Number Two out of the cradle, it was, in fact, not a baby girl at all. A blue hat adorned this baby’s head, along with a little blue blanket, and Tony wondered why he thought that both of them had to be girls, but he didn’t care.

“That’s not a girl,” he managed to say as Peter handed the baby over to him. He took the third chair beside him, leaning over to tuck his beanie back over his ear. 

“No, I’d say not,” Peter laughed, Y/N chuckling as well. It was only then that Tony realized Mary-Jane had been unusually quiet, chancing a glance over to see her fast asleep against her mother’s shoulder. He smiled, and looked back down at the other sleeping Parker he held in his arms. It was silent for awhile as the room’s occupants admired the view, and for once Tony was completely content with the quiet. 

A tiny noise escaped the equally tiny lips of his only grandson (his favorite grandson, now), and his little fists clenched and unclenched as he sleepily wiggled around. Without a second thought, Tony gently reached for his hand and stroked the back of it. 

“What’s his name, Pete?” May whispered, Tony just barely picking up the question as his attention was focused solely on his grandson. 

“Benjamin,” Peter answered, looking at his aunt with a sad but content smile. “I think he would’ve liked that.”

May bowed her head with a matching smile, nodding ever so slightly. “I know he would’ve liked that.”

“His full name is Benjamin Anthony,” Y/N spoke, sensing that Peter was too lost in thought to finish and May was too deep into her emotions to recognize that Peter hadn’t fully answered her question. But Tony was listening. “Benjamin Anthony Parker.” He froze, staring at his daughter-in-law with wide eyes. She simply smiled and nodded once in his direction. “No, we weren’t going to name our baby girl Anthony, so when we got a boy...well, that was really a no-brainer.”

Tony stared for a few more seconds at a clearly amused Y/N before turning to Peter. Peter was wearing the same look. The only thing he had to offer was, “Dad, meet your namesake. Benjamin Anthony, meet your grandpa.”

Another noise escaped the boy’s tiny mouth as if in acknowledgment, causing Tony to look back at him. Suddenly the weight he felt in his arms wasn’t only physical weight but the weight of his love. And as he looked around the room at his ever-growing family, that weight only grew heavier. But he welcomed it, the weight warm and pleasant and filling his heart with light. 

Tears pricked his eyes and he turned back to the bundle he was holding, sniffing as he murmured, “Hey there, Ben. Guess you’re our little miracle. I think you and I are going to have a lot of fun times together, but just remember to admit nothing and deny everything.” Ben started wiggling again, uncontent with his inability to move even while asleep, causing Tony to chuckle. “Your chance of not having ADHD was already screwed with your dad’s genes, but with me in your name it’s practically a double whammy and I can’t even say I’m sorry about that right now. God, the world doesn’t stand a chance, does it?”

Ben made a noise again, and Tony would’ve commented on it had it not been followed by the opening of his eyes. He was speechless, mesmerized by the baby blues that he knew would turn brown like his sister’s when he got older. But they were absolutely perfect now, as were the little fingers now wrapping around one of Tony’s own. The tears that were swimming in his eyes fell, and he didn’t even try to hold them back. He smiled wider and with more love than he had in a long time, leaning closer and whispering, “Let me tell you something, Ben: you’re my whole world–you and your sisters and your mom and dad and grandma. And I promise that I won’t let you go a single day without feeling loved, because I love you so much, buddy. I promise I’ll never stop loving you–not for a month, or a day, or even a single second.”

Ben’s eyes fluttered back closed and he fell back into sleep, but his fist refused to let go of its grip on Tony’s finger. Tony closed his own eyes and gently touched his head to Ben’s, being careful not to let any tears drip on his face. 

“I promise,” he whispered. “I promise.”

—

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[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter four (the strange girl)

Happy birthday Joey, baby boy 💜💜♎️🥰😋😘

I hope it’s nothing more to do for me to sit upright and feel the warmth of the black hole on my face. I can’t seem to feel anything else around me other than the warmth and dead weight of the heavy gravity pulling me to the side. How did I get here?

I have never valued my own flesh more until now.

The hole looms above my body as it drags me inside of it.

No. No. I can’t let you win. Not this time. Not here, not now.

I feel my hair drifting back from my head.

Someone help me. Someone help me please!

I feel myself bleeding from the immense weight. I need my hover board—where the hell is it? No. Don’t tell me the hole sucked it up like a fucking vacuum cleaner. I don’t wanna die—no. No! I’m too young to die!

Mom! Mom!

I fall face first into the cobwebs. I lift my head right as I feel my feet and my legs tugging back from me at the speed of nothing. I clamber onto the webs so as to get away from the hole but I can already feel myself being made into spaghetti. When I said “kill me now” that time, I didn’t mean it like this!

I claw at the cobwebs to try and keep myself on the ground, but I can’t tell where is the ground.

I peer down the hole in between cobwebs to find something moving down there. A snake?

The black hole has a death grip on me but I persist. I can’t let it win. God, I can’t believe I am actually being pulled apart.

The thing down the cobwebs wriggles closer to my face. It’s not a snake.

Their eight legs crawl out from the interior of the webs. There must be dozens of them, each of them creeping up from the darkness up onto my face.

I’m being pulled apart. And I can’t scream, or breathe.

I open my eyes to the sight of the dark loft wall before me. I roll onto my back part of the way to look up at the dark ceiling. I sigh through my parted lips.

Just a dream, and the result of my not having my dream catcher with me. No black holes, no spiders crawling up my upper body and poisoning me with their venom. I hope the Man in Black didn’t follow me out here from the complex just to freak me out like that.

I reach up from underneath the warm blankets to feel my face. My skin is cold: I tug the covers up over my head and I find myself enveloped inside of a dark, warm cocoon. I bring my knees up a bit to feel even cozier, and I bring my arms against my stomach to feel the softness of my skin. I’m still full from that lovely soup Cindy made for me, and I’m still quite comfortable. It’s not my own bed but it’ll do the trick for me for the time being.

It’s times like this when I feel most myself. I’m a soft kind of guy. Not soft like my dad or my grandpa, but the fact I’m a hockey player and yet I have never lost a bit of that gentle feeling to my flesh, and all I want to do is cuddle with something, or someone. Nah, something. I don’t feel like holding another body.

I keep my eyes closed in an attempt to return to sleep but all I can think about is that woman, that girl laying in the bed next to me. I listen to her heavy breathing as it cuts through the silence right then. I try to sing “Oh, Sherrie” to myself but I’m too exhausted to think of the melody. I also cannot think of that song without thinking of Anthrax, either. I sang that song for Scott and Frankie on that day, and now I’m back to square one.

I roll onto my back but I never open my eyes. I can still hear her breathing heavy in the bed next to me. What was her name again? Maisie? Mabel? I only remember the first two letters. Ugh.

I roll my head over the plush pillow underneath my head and keep my hands atop my chest. I stretch out my legs and try to relax underneath the warm covers but can’t. This woman next to me is driving me crazy.

I push the covers back from my face only to be greeted by the cold air hanging over me there in the room. I gaze up at the darkness around me. At least there aren’t any ghosts here in Black Orchid.

I roll my head over the pillow and, in the dim light, I make out the sight of her silhouette laying on the edge of the bed next to me. Cindy and Mrs. Hamilton must have lay her there without trying to wake me. I need answers from her but I also don’t want to wake her. If nothing, I can create a distraction of some sort so it looks like I woke her on accident. I sit upright in the bed and slide my legs out from underneath the covers: the floor feels like ice underneath my bare feet; meanwhile the cold air in the loft sends a wave of chills over the bare skin on my chest. Everything is still dark, but I can make out the first rays of daybreak filtering in through the window on the other side of the room. But at the same time, I can’t remember if there are things on the floor before me or not.

But before I can do anything else, she stirs right there in the bed before me. I freeze in place at the sound of the blankets rustling. I rub my eyes in time to make out the sight of her rolling over onto her back. I don’t move as I watch her sit upright and stand to her feet in front of me. She presses her body right up against me: the crown of her head reaches the base of my chest. She runs her hands up my sides and feels me up. I wonder if she’s still asleep.

“Hey,” I whisper to her. She stops right in place. I can see her eyelids fluttering and she gasps at the sight of me.

“Oh—Oh, my God,” she speaks with a soft voice and a heavy, distinctive British accent. “What was I doing?”

“I was getting up for a moment,” I start; she hasn’t lowered her hands from my sides yet; “and then you stood up in front of me and started touching me.”

“Oh, dear—forgive me, love. I have such a dreadful habit of... sleepwalking. My mind is so active that I can’t—” Her voice trails off. I see her staring at me right in the face; I can feel her breath on my chin.

“—help it.”

I make out the dark shapes of her eyes dropping their gaze down to my waist, and then the whole rest of my body. With the incoming morning light, I watch her lips drop open at the sight of my legs; then she returns her gaze to my face. She lifts one hand from my side and slips her fingers into my hair, right at the base of my head.

“You are so—exquisite,” she remarks, her voice trembling.

“What do you mean?” I ask her as her fingers entwine around the ringlets at the back of my head. Her eyes glean over my face before locking onto my eyes, staring back at me against the milky faint light of the rising sun.

“Silky and—gorgeous, actually. Precious, in fact. You’re beautiful. You have to be the most beautiful man in the world. Your skin is flawless, your hair is soft and lush, your body is so slim and so delicate, and your eyes are so—so—so lovely. I’m getting weak just looking at you...”

Her voice breaks and she collapses right into my chest: she yanks on my hair all the while. But I manage to catch her with my body and clasp onto her before she can fall onto the floor like a rag doll. I stagger forward to catch myself, and I push forward to ultimately bring her back to her bed. I fall onto my hip while keeping her in my arms, and then I let go of her. She falls onto her back which allows several strands of her wavy dark hair to span over her face. Her words ring through my mind—me, the most beautiful man in the world. I don’t know how to react to that. I flash back on last night with Gwendolyn calling me sexy and almost kissing me; right then, the girl’s head rolls over on the comforter to face me, but she doesn’t open her eyes.

“You saved me again,” she breathes out from partially parted lips. I shift around on the top of the comforter for a better look at her face and neck. Wow, and I thought I was thin: the skin under her jaw is taut, thus giving rise to the bone. I hope either Mrs. Hamilton or Cindy, one of the ladies downstairs, will wake up soon so we can have breakfast, she must be hungry.

And then I remember the date. I lean over her face with one hand planted on the other side of her head. Not once does she open her eyes for me.

“Hey,” I whisper to her.

“Yes?” She almost sighs the word.

“Today’s my birthday.”

She cracks a smile at me as her head rolls in the opposite direction.

“Happy birthday, beautiful boy,” her voice slurs and I know she’s falling back to sleep. And I still can’t recall her name.

Oh well. 

I run my fingers through my hair and give it a slight toss before I make a return to my bed. I crawl back underneath the covers, which are still warm, and lay on my side. I nestle down inside of the soft mattress and the soft pillow underneath my head. I can’t stop thinking about her touching me, and her touch on my chest and the back of my head haunts me. The memory of it runs through my mind so much that I end up dozing off again: the next thing I know, I’m awaking to the sound of Mrs. Hamilton’s voice from downstairs and the warm smell of coffee.

I roll over onto my back to see her still laying in the same position as before, still fast asleep.

I climb out of bed once again, this time to put my clothes back on and head downstairs to the lush main room, where Lizzy greets me with a sweet smile and a big bone china mug of coffee for me.

“Good morning, and happy birthday, Joey baby,” she says with a kiss on my neck. The feel of her lips on my neck sends my toes into a tight curl.

She then beckons me to one of the cold spindly black tables clustered near the main stage, a shiny black square lined with silver paint and glass bulb lights with a silver pole jutting straight up to the ceiling, and gestures for me to have a seat.

“Breakfast will be ready soon,” she explains to me, “and we didn’t know how you like your coffee so we just left it black.”

“Oh, it’s perfect,” I reassure her.

“Goodie! But right now—the fair Gwendolyn has a little something for ya.” She steps away and, right from behind the pole enters Gwendolyn. Dressed in a black lace bra and a matching pair of little low rise black lace panties,  underneath a lacy gray teddy, the bottom of which is lined with red rubies, she looks like she dolled herself up just for me. She had put on dark red eyeshadow, crimson lipstick, and lush blood red stilettos.

“Oh fuck,” is all I can say. She tosses her kinky black hair back with a flick of the head and shows me a come-hither look accompanied with a hand pressed to her hip: she still has a fistful of stardust woven in her hair.

“What can I do for you, baby doll?” she asks me, placing her other hand on the pole.

I hesitate, and I think back to last night once again. It may have just been part of her job but there’s no denying that look of lust in her eye for me. Besides, a stripper is a stripper, and that I can’t refuse. I take a sip of my coffee before returning to her. I swallow it down, lean back in my chair, and give my own hair a toss back from my face.

“How ‘bout you stick your toy box out for me and then I’ll shove my face right into your chest and blow?” I suggest to her. She flashes me a mischievous smirk.

“Anything you want, birthday boy,” she tells me, and without another word, she opens her robe and starts to dance for me. Yeah, the snow outside can take its sweet time letting up because I’m gonna be here a while.

[flirting-with-psychology]

survey by xxbieberburnham

A - Accidents Have you ever been in a car accident? No

Do you have a lot of scars? Some 

Have you been in a fist fight with someone? No

Have you ever seriously hurt someone by accident? Not that I know of, but I have minorly hurt people by accident

Have you ever had stitches? Yes

B - Beauty Would consider yourself beautiful? It comes and goes. Not really lately

Are you self consicous of how you look? Yes

Do you wear a lot of make up? Not a ton, and none right now when I’m stuck at home all the time

Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? I’ve thought about it a little but probably not

What do you think makes a person beautiful? It’s subjective and even for my opinion, it’s hard to give hard rules to it, they just either are or they’re not

C - Consequences What is the longest you’ve been grounded for? Probably a few weeks

What would you do if you became pregnant? Get an abortion

Do you ever think about how your actions affect people? Sometimes

What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? Something permanent, like permanently disabling me or killing someone I love

What is one thing you wish you didn’t do because it wasn’t worth it? Idk

D - Dealing When you’re mad at someone how do you show it? I can get passive aggressive with my boyfriend, with my parents I argue with them

Name a time when you had to be strong. When I had braces

Have you ever dealt with divorce? My parents got divorced

When people don’t accept you, how do you react? Get self conscious and probably more boring and awkward

Have you ever lost someone to death? Yes, my grandpa, my cats, and some more distant family members

F - Family Is there anyone in your family you don’t talk to? Most of my extended family I don’t talk to much just because we never got close

If you had to choose: friends or family? Family

Do you have any siblings? No

How often do you spend quality time with your family? More than I would like

G - Growing How tall are you? Do you wish you were taller or shorter? I’m 5′6″ and I like my height

Do you think you’ve grown up in the past year? No

Do you think you’re mature for your age or still childish? Still childish

Are you scared to think that one day you’ll turn 30, then 40 & 50? Yes, it feels like I’m running out of time

Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? Yeah

H - Hope Love - real or not? Real

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I’d say I’m a stressimist - I hope for the best but I have too much anxiety

Do you believe in fate or that everything happens for a reason? No

Do you believe that after we die, your spirit is still alive? Probably not

What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? That things will change

I - Idols Who is your idol? I don’t really have one

What makes this person an idol to you? - Has this person done anything good to help other people? - Does this person have good style? - What does this person do for a living? - J - Jokes Tell me an inside joke between you and your friends. Blender

Are you usually the person to make people laugh or the other way around? Other people make me laugh

Do you cry when you laugh hard? Not usually

Do you get in trouble for laughing or talking in class? Like once or twice ever

Are you good at making jokes? Sometimes

K - Knowledge The prupose of school: learn, hang with friends or cause trouble? Learn and develop a social life

Do people refer to you as dumb, smart or average? School smart but street dumb

What kind of grades do you usually get? As in high school, As and Bs in college

What is your favorite subject to learn or talk about? Science, lately

L - Love Are you currently in love? Not quite

Do people around you show a lot of love? Some do

Is love worth it? Yes

Do you hate it when people say “I love you” & they’ve been dating for a day? It’s a little weird

Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone or is it just a word? It depends

M - Money Do you believe money makes the world go round? Currently yes

How much money do you have on you now? Like $15 in cash

Are you saving up for anything? Not really

Would you rather win 1 million dollars or find true love? Right now in my life, probably a million dollars. I would like true love at some point but I’m not ready for it yet and a million dollars would really improve my situation

On a scale 1-10, how important is money to you? 8

N - Nothing to lose Would you ever go on a game show? Maybe but probably not

Do you play the lottery? Yeah

Ever been to Las Vegas? Yes

Have you ever made a bet and then lost? Not major

Do you give your all in a relationship? I think so

O - Openess How long does it take you to open up with someone? It depends. And it’s gradual

What does it take for you to fully trust someone? A lot apparently

Do you trust people too easily? In some ways. I trust strangers to be honest too easily

Are you comfortable with everyone? No

Do you tell your parents and friends everything? Most things

P - Positive Is your outlook on life positive or negative? Negative lately

Have you ever had a moment with someone & it didn’t end positively? Several times

Do you agree with: best to have loved than never loved at all? Yeah

Do you see most things as negative or positive? Depends

Has anything bad happened but something good came from it? Some. In college there was one night where I went home early from a dance because a guy I liked didn’t like me back, but I came home at exactly the right time to meet a different guy (it didn’t work out with him but we became good friends)

Q - Questions When faced with a problem, do you solve it on your own or ask for help? Usually ask for help

Do you like to take quizzes? Yes

If you could ask the president one question, what would it be? Why are the democrats being such cowards to the republicans?

When someone does something wrong do you ask them about it or let it go? Depends on how well I like them

Do you own plaid shorts? Don’t think so

R - Respect How do you show respect for someone? Idk, being polite

What can someone do to lose respect for them? Be a jerk or a huge idiot

Do you respect your parents, teachers or authority? I respect my parents although I don’t always show it, and I respect most teachers. I show respect for authority most of the time but I don’t always feel it

If you’re disrespectful to your parents, whats your punishment? Getting yelled at mostly, sometimes getting things or privileges taken away

If someone is mean to you, are you mean back? I can be passive aggressive

S - School If you’re still in school, what grade will you be going into? I’m done with school When will you graduate high school/college? I graduated college in 2017

After high school, what do you plan on doing? I planned on going to college and I did

Do you like or hate school? I liked school and I wish I could go back

Have you ever been expelled or suspended? No

T - Temptation Have you ever done something wrong but inside it was okay? I have justified things to myself

Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? Not really

Did you ever cheat on someone? No

Do you give into temptation easily or are you independent? I give in very easily to snacks, shopping, and procrastination 

U - Unique Do you do a lot of things because your friends are? Not really, my friends don’t do enough things so I often have to go off on my own

Do you follow trends or do whatever you want? Maybe a little but only if I like the trend, otherwise I don’t

Do you give in easily to peer pressure? Depends. If I have strong feelings about it then no but if I’m neutral then I go along to fit in

What makes you different from people your age? I still want to be doing college things

V - Value What’s the most expensive thing in your room? My laptop

What’s more valuable: your life or the ones around you? My life, sorry I’m selfish

What’s something you value? Not because it’s expensive but it means a lot? Sentimental stuff, I can never throw anything away

If there was a fire in your house/apartment what would you grab? My laptop, my crush log, my favorite stuffed animals

Do you think the past or future is more valuable? The future

W - Wishes If you had three wishes, what would they be? Shapeshifting powers, unlimited money, immune to disease

Would you rather wish yourself to be happy or others? Myself

Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe? Not just from believing

Have you ever had a wish come true? Yes

Do you find wishing on things to be a waste of time? No, it doesn’t take much time

Y - You Are you more independent or social? In between. I’m more social than my introverted friends but more introverted than my social friends

What’s something that makes you mad when you see it? Customers putting things back in extremely wrong places

Do you have potential to do anything you want? I don’t feel like it lately

Do you believe people are born a certain way? In some ways

What color are your eyes? Brown

Z - Zest Are you currently happy with your life? No

When change occurs, do you get scared? Usually

Do you like to try new things or meet new people? In theory and sometimes in practice

What is the most motivational thing on earth? Having a passion

Do you have a motto? Carpe diem?

Last questions Do you hate how the letters on the keyboard aren’t in ABC order? Not anymore

Do you drink water? Yes

What did you have for breakfast? Toad in the holes

Do you like convertibles? They’re cool to ride in every so often, but I wouldn’t want to own one

Do you like the American or British way of spelling words? American

What colors are on your country’s flag? Red, white, and blue

Can you skateboard? Not even a little bit

Do you like long hair? Yes on girls, sometimes on guys if they know how to take care of it. I like having it on me

Do you like Fiber One bars? No

What does your sleeping bag look like? Gold outside, red plaid inside

Do you like to save your results after a survey? I have a survey tag

Do you like Sour Patch Kids? Yes If you could have your own show, what would it be about? Maybe something like Black Mirror where each episode is a different concept

Ever rode on a jet? Yes

[seriestrash]

New Years Wish

❄ Day Nine ❄

A/N: Fits within the TV series universe. It’s Chritmas of their third year in college and they’ve been dating since Ski Lodge. Awwww.

Summary: Distance has put a strain on Riley and Lucas’ relationship. After an argument on New Years Eve, Riley makes a wish she might later regret.

Word Count: 2933

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄❄

It’s been almost six and half years since the nature trip that finally united Riley and Lucas. Now in their third year of college the couple are still together. As loved up as the couple may be it hasn’t always been easy. 

Riley has a tendency to push Lucas away when she’s feeling down and lately that’s a lot. Lucas has always held on tightly despite Riley’s efforts but recently he’s felt his grip slipping and it terrifies him.

Deep down Riley’s only acting this way with the pushing, because she’s missing Lucas. The logic sounds strange but Riley’s always been the one that struggles with confidence within the relationship. On a subconscious level Riley’s constantly pushing because she’s always waiting for them to snap.

Since Lucas attends college in Austin and Riley attends college in New York, distance has put a strain on their relationship. This holiday season, Lucas has made the trip to New York to be with Riley. At first it was lovely to reunite but as the days went on, deeper issues seemed to surface and the strain from the distance becomes evident to them both. 

It’s New Years Eve and true to form Riley and Lucas had a slight disagreement about their plans that night and it turned into a major argument. So major in fact Riley breaks up with Lucas. It all began when Lucas brought up Farkle’s party that night. Farkle was having a big party on the rooftop above his family penthouse apartment. Lucas was interested in going and catching up with their friends as he’s only around Zay in Austin but Riley was adamant that she wanted to say in. 

It’s not exactly secret that Riley can be insecure and at times she borders a depressive state. Today was one of those days. Riley was feeling down and didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed. Lucas of course has made the trip to New York and wants to make the most of the festive period with his loved ones that reside in the city. 

In the Matthews apparent - that was currently vacant other than the couple, as Cory, Topanga and Auggie were in Philly for NYE- Riley and Lucas had been going back and forth for a while. Riley kept telling Lucas to just go without her if it meant so much to him. 

“I want to ring in the new year with you, that’s what’s important to me.” Lucas kept saying. 

Finally in the heat of the moment Riley lets out a frustrated breath and says, “Maybe we should just break up!”

Lucas stops dead in his tracks and gives Riley a dubious stare. “You don’t mean that.” 

“Honestly it’s been a long time coming.” Riley says not even looking at Lucas. 

“We had different ideas about how to spend New Years Eve that’s nothing to end our relationship over.” An involuntary laugh escapes him. 

“It’s not just that.” Riley frowns. 

“Well what is it then?” Lucas challenges. “Give me one legitimate reason why we should break up.”

Riley just fumbles over her words as she’s unable to string a sentence together. 

“See.” Lucas rubs at his forehead for a second. “You’ve done this our entire relationship- Heck, you’ve done this before we were even dating. You always have one foot out the door.” 

“That’s not true.” Riley shakes her head but even she doesn’t believe it. 

“Yes it is.” Lucas is frustrated. “You’ve always had it in your head that we’re temporary it’s like you expect that we are going to fall apart.” 

Riley is silent. Lucas softens and says, “For someone who believes the best in the world you can’t find any belief in us.” 

“Distance.” Riley mumbles. 

“Distance?” Lucas repeats. 

“You’re far away and I miss you and that hurts.” Riley shrugs a shoulder. 

“You can’t break up with me because you miss me.”

“I can do whatever I like.” Riley says. “If missing you is damaging me then I can break up with you. It’s my choice, not yours.” 

“We have been together for six and a half years and I’ve loved you longer than that.” Lucas says. “I’ll go over to Farkle’s and give you space but I don’t accept that we’re broken up, not now…If this is what you really want we can talk over breakfast tomorrow.” 

“Lucas, you’re just delaying the inevitable.” Riley mumbles. 

“Why is it inevitable?” Lucas asks. “Tell me why two people who love each other and want to be together are inevitably going to break up? You can’t tell me it’s distance because we make it work. I’ve already told you I’ll move back to New York the second I graduate. So if you can give me a better reason than that I’ll leave right now and I’ll never bother you again.” 

Riley is quiet. 

“Happy New Years, Riles.” Lucas says in a sad way. “I’ll see you in the morning to talk.” With that he was gone. 

An emotionally distraught Riley flops down on the sofa and cries into her sofa cushion. The last thing Riley thinks before she wept herself to sleep was, “I wish Lucas and I never started dating.” 

Sometime later, Riley’s woken when a cold burst of wind whistles loudly as snow blows through an open window. 

Groggily, Riley rises from the sofa and wanders over to the bay window behind the family christmas tree, as she’s closing it she notices the time on the clock in the kitchen. 11:03pm. It’s not even the new year yet, Riley thinks to herself. Riley lets out a loud sigh and figures she might as well go to bed. Riley goes to turn the television off but as she turns towards the living room she practically jumps out of her skin in fright. 

Bizarrely, sitting on the sofa with hands neatly folded in her lap is her. Obviously not her but it was like Riley was looking in a mirror, a slightly more mature mirror. 

“You weren’t really thing thinking of going to bed were you?” Riley hears her own voice and it’s not coming out of her mouth. That was enough to make her let out a scream. 

“Hush would ya?” She stands up from the sofa and casually approaches Riley. 

“Am I dead?” Riley’s eyes are wide. 

“Gosh I really was dramatic.”  The clone giggles. “You’re not dead because I’m not dead. I’m you… Well you’re me… I’m the future you… You can call me R so it’s not confusing.”  

“The future me?” Riley is blinking as she doesn’t believe her eyes. How could she be looking at a version of herself that’s maybe ten years older than she currently is?

“Well I’m one version of your future.” She says. 

“I don’t understand.” Riley says. “I don’t understand any of this…Why are you- how are you here?” Riley shakes her head. “This is a dream. I’m not really talking to an older version of myself, that would be ridiculous.” 

The older Riley reaches forward and pinches the college aged Riley on the arm. 

“Ouch!” Riley squeaks. “What was that for?” 

“It felt like a pinch me moment.” R shrugs. 

“Why are you here?” Riley questions. 

“You made a wish. I’m here to show you what would happen if that wish was to come true.” 

“What wish?” Riley furrows her brows. 

“Come with me.” The R motions towards the door.

As bizarre as everything was to Riley the strangest thing was that she followed the thirty something year old version of herself out of the apartment and towards the roof. 

“Where are we going?” Riley struggles to keep up with her older self. 

“I’m granting your wish.” She says as she disappears around a corner. 

“What wish?” Riley asks for the second time. As Riley steps out onto the roof she bumps into R’s back. 

“Shh.” R says. “This is it.” 

Riley steps out from behind herself and notices another Riley, this time younger and she’s talking with Farkle. 

“Another me?” Riley shrieks. “But why?” 

“Shh.” R says again. “Just watch.” 

Riley turns to the adolescent version of herself and Farkle with a sigh of acceptance like crazy was her new norm. 

“I just need a little more time.” The younger Riley says. 

“No more time, we made a deal, Riley. We’re not starting off the New Year with lies between friends.” Farkle says. 

Riley knits her brows in confusion but realisation takes a hold of her. Riley had lived this exact moment before. She was in the eighth grade and Farkle was threatening to out her feelings for Lucas.

“Can they see us?” Riley whispers. 

“No.” R shakes her head.

“Why are you showing me this?” Riley questions.

“You’ll see in three… two… one!” R counts and right on queue it’s like Smackle walks right through them to get to the teenage Farkle and Riley. 

The girl genius claims her territory over Farkle but before they can walk off Riley stops him. 

“Farkle wait.” She calls. 

“You’re out of time, Riley.” Farkle turns to her says. “It’s time to tell Lucas how you feel.” 

“I want to be with Charlie at midnight.” Riley says. “I don’t know how Maya and Lucas makes me feel but I know I want to be with Charlie. He’s sweet and he likes me and I like him. Please don’t ruin that.” 

“That’s what you want?” Farkle studies her face. 

“That’s what I want.” Riley nods. “Please, please don’t make things weird if they don’t have to be.” 

“Okay.” Farkle nods after he believes Riley’s words to be true. 

“That didn’t happen.” Riley turns to R with a frown. “I told Charlie I couldn’t be with him at midnight and Farkle told Lucas I still loved him.”

“Yes but you wished you and Lucas never started dating.” R says with an eyebrow raise. “I’m the you that never started dating him and after midnight you’ll never have started dating him too. ” 

“What?” Riley asks quietly as she’s shocked. 

“Right here on this roof I stood with Charlie as we counted in the new year. Farkle never outed my feelings and I never participated in a love triangle. Lucas never gave me a purple jellybean on the nature trip and we never become official.” R continues, “Lucas never accidentally said told me he loves me for the first time after I cried during a kids movie and he never gave me his jacket after I sat in chocolate cake at my Aunt Morgan’s wedding and he took me to prom or held my hand during my grandpas funeral.”

“I get it.” Riley cuts in, unable to listen to her memories being erased. 

“You were the one who wished you and Lucas never dated.” R says. “This was a pivotal moment in setting you two back on the path of becoming official.” 

“Are you- we happy?” Riley questions sheepishly. “Without all those memories with Lucas?”

R holds up her hand to show off her sparkly wedding ring. “We get married.” 

“To Charlie?” Riley questions .

“No.” R shakes her head. “We don’t end up with Charlie but we end up with someone like him.” R says. “Someone sweet who cares for us and we care for him but as perfect as he’s still not Lucas.” 

“But we’re still friends with Lucas right?” Riley asks. 

R is quiet.

“All I’ve ever wanted is for Lucas and I to stay the best of friends.” Riley says. “You’re telling me that I never complicate things with a relationship and I still lose Lucas?” 

“What do you mean still lose him?” R furrows her brows. “Earlier tonight you wished away your relationship after Lucas fought you against breaking up. How have you lost him?”

Riley looks around the rooftop now filled with middle schoolers. Riley spies her young self sitting on the bench with Charlie and Lucas is standing with Maya. 

“Are you saying Lucas and I are meant to be together?” Riley turns to R again. “Is that what this is? Are you showing me that not being in a relationship with him is exactly why I actually lose him?” 

“I’m here to grant your wish.” R says simply. 

“How is it that I can lose him as a friend just because we didn’t date?” Riley questions. 

“You and Lucas were never destined to be friends.” R says. “But you do get a say in how things work out. If you don’t want to be with Lucas then the universe will listen.” 

“What happens to Lucas… Do he and Maya?” Riley questions.

R just shrugs and turns her attentions to the middle schoolers.

“7…6…5…” The teens around Riley start counting. 

“No!” Riley says. “That’s not fair.”

R just continues watches the younger Riley and Charlie. 

“4…3…2…” The teens continue. 

“1.” R turns to Riley with a smile. “Welcome to our future.” 

“No!” Riley prostests. She looks to her younger self who hugs Charlie. Fireworks light up the sky above them. 

Farkle looks over to Riley for a moment and then to Lucas and Maya. The college aged Riley holds her breath and waits for him to blurt out her truth but he doesn’t he just turns his attention back to Isadora with a smile and Lucas and Maya sheepishly ring in the new year  together.

“No, no, no, no!” Riley chants. “This is wrong. It’s all wrong.” 

“This is what you wished for.” R says. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Riley frowns. “Why would I wish away six and a half years with Lucas?” 

“I don’t know.” R says. “Those aren’t my memories, remember?” 

Riley turns back to her younger friends. “No. I still love Lucas.” Riley says. “I still love Lucas.” She gets louder but no one knows she’s there. 

"I still love Lucas!” Riley shouts and as she does she jolts awake. Riley is now sitting up on her living room sofa, a cold breeze is blowing through the open window. Riley is out of it for a moment, she’s confused as to why she’s no longer on the rooftop. She rubs her eyes realising it was a dream. A terrible horrible dream. Riley tries to shake her head clear. She looks over to the clock and notices it’s thirteen minutes till midnight. If she hurried she might be able to make it to Farkle’s apartment. Riley grabs her coat and quickly runs for the door as she opens it she makes into Lucas’ chest and the collision sends her staggering backwards for a moment. 

“Riley, I’m so sorry.” Lucas apologises as he tries to steady her. Instead of acknowledging the pain Riley just throws her arms around Lucas in an embrace. 

“Lucas, what are you doing here I was just about to go to Farkle’s?” Riley asks quickly. 

“I was at the party and I wished I was with you… I shouldn’t have left in the first place. I know how you get scared about us sometimes, It’s my job to hold us together and prove to you that you have nothing to be afraid of.” 

"I am afraid, I’ve always been afraid of ruining what we have. I’ve been afraid of losing you and being afraid of that isn’t enough to end the relationship.” Riley shakes her head. “I don’t want to marry someone who I care for and cares for me because they’re not you.” 

Lucas knits his brows at her last statement. 

“I still love you.” Riley says. “I could have wished that we never met on the subway but I didn’t because I still need you in my life but I never got a say in how you were supposed to be in my life because I believe the universe has a plan for us. You are the universes plan for me, Lucas.” 

“Riley, you’re not making any sense.” Lucas tries to hold her gaze but Riley was just blankly staring as she thought back to her dream. 

“I had a dream that you never found out how I really felt about you back in middle school.” Riley finally meets his gaze. “I don’t want you to ever not know how I feel about you.” 

“I know you love me, Riley.” Lucas is soft. “And I know you get scared. I’m okay, like I said I just have to try and make you feel safer.”

“No I’m not scared.” Riley shakes her head. “Well I was scared but I’m not anymore. We are two people that love each other and want to be together, how could that possibly not work out for us?” 

“I don’t know.” Lucas shrugs with a cute smile. “I for one am willing to do anything to assure it works out, even if I have to transfer to a school here in New York.” 

“You don’t have to.” Riley shakes her head again. “In eighteen months we’ll have graduated and then we can live together in New York or Texas or Australia for all I care. I just know that we’re stronger than distance and we’re going to be together.” 

“That was some dream, huh?” Lucas looks at Riley with love in his eyes. 

“You have no idea.” Riley laughs. 

Suddenly fireworks flash and Riley and Lucas turn their heads towards the window.

“We missed the countdown.” Riley frowns. “And you missed the party, I’m sorry.” 

“I already told you what’s important to me is that you’re standing with me at midnight.” Lucas smiles. “And here we are.”

“I love you.” Riley smiles. 

“I love you too, happy new years.”

End notes: this turned out different than I thought but im still okay with it… I hope you enjoy it too!!! heres the anons that inspired this piece!! 

tweaked them both but they still inspired me so thank you very much!!!

[funkypanda]

I'm not THAT evil but you SHOULD do every uneven number and every even number. c:

So what you’re saying is, you’re just as evil as I thought you were.

1: Full name

Alvin Wong. I don’t have a middle name.

2: Age

24. Turning 25 on September 29th

3: 3 Fears

Heights. Loneliness. Creepy crawlies.

4: 3 things I love

Video games. Music. Learning.

5: 4 turns on

Neck kisses. Making out. Intelligence. Cute butt.

6: 4 turns off

Ignorance. Bad breath? IDK there’s a few.

7: My best friend

Skylar Lu. Big ol Asian dude.

8: Sexual orientation

Straight.

9: My best first date

I don’t think I’ve had a good one.

10: How tall am I

6′ or 6′1″

11: What do I miss

Physical affection.

12: What time were I born

I think it was at like 9:30 PM

13: Favourite color

Purple!

14: Do I have a crush

HARDCORE HOLY SHIT

15: Favourite quote

“Knowledge is power. Guard it wisely.” or “An open mind is like a fortress, with its gates unbarred and unguarded.”

16: Favourite place

Taipei, Taiwan.

17: Favourite food

Vietnamese cuisine in general.

18: Do I use sarcasm

What do you think?

19: What am I listening to right now

Tired by Alan Walker

20: First thing I notice in new person

Their eyes. Always.

21: Shoe size

Men’s 12

22: Eye color

Dark brown

23: Hair color

Black/dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

My style of weird punk rock skater.

25: Ever done a prank call?

Yes a few times.

27: Meaning behind my URL

I was called panda back in high school a lot and I played the sax.

28: Favourite movie

Rogue One.

29: Favourite song

I’ve been obsessed with Down by Marian HIll lately.

30: Favourite band

A Day to Remember.

31: How I feel right now

Really satisfied.

32: Someone I love

My old LoL friends.

33: My current relationship status

Single but hopefully not soon?

34: My relationship with my parents

We’re not super close but we’re family still

35: Favourite holiday

Christmas when I have someone cute to spend it with.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

None unfortunately.

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

SO MANY TATTOOS. Razer’s 3-headed snake. Colonel Mustang’s transmutation circle. Al’s blood seal. etc etc

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

I... I don’t remember.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

I mean. I hate her guts. 

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

Not really but I love them.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

Not yet. But I’m planning on it.

42: When did I last hold hands?

Uhhhhh its been a few months I think.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

Way too long.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

Nah I love my hairy man legs.

45: Where am I right now?

In bed at home.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

Probably Jamie. But she’s also gonna be drunk with me lmao

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

Loud. I’m a punk.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

Yep. But its a necessity.

49: Am I excited for anything?

Most things. As long as I’m interested in it.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yeah I do.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Almost every day.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Earlier tonight.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

I mean more power to her.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

Not that I know of.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I didn’t really do anything.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Adam Savage from Mythbusters. He seems so genuine.

57: What do I think about most?

The unknown of the universe.

58: What’s my strangest talent?

Jumping to conclusions with little to no information.

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

Not strange.

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

As a photographer, behind.

61: What was the last lie I told?

I’m okay.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? 

I guess on the phone. I don’t like my face.

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No to ghosts. Yes to aliens.

64: Do I believe in magic?

Not really.

65: Do I believe in luck?

Absolutely.

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Its like 70 degrees and humid.

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Actually I just reread The Martian.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

Not especially? I’m indifferent.

69: Do I have any nicknames?

Not really.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

Hip and lower back from sleeping on the floor.

71: Do I spend money or save it?

GOD I SPEND SO MUCH MONEY.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

Nope!

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

Does kitty cat toe beans count?

74: Favourite animal?

Otters I think.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Talking to a cutie.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Natas

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

In Too Deep by Sum 41

78: How can you win my heart?

Be nerdy with me.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

S C R E M

80: What is my favorite word?

Hullo?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@miidoriilol​ @mama-hellscream​ @pearlmaiden​ @crowfeather-queen​ @funkypanda​

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Can ya’ll just... Get along?

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

Negative.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

The power to control luck and probability.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Do you want to finish school?

86: What is my current desktop picture?

100 Thieves logo.

87: Had sex?

Oh yes.

88: Bought condoms?

Most definitely.

89: Gotten pregnant?

Negative.

90: Failed a class?

Yup.

91: Kissed a boy?

I have not. 

92: Kissed a girl?

Multiple. At different times.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

No but its a cliche I’d love to experience.

94: Had job?

A couple

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Multiple occasions.

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

No cuz bullies are shit.

97: Had sex in public?

Yep once.

98: Played on a sports team?

Nope not really.

99: Smoked weed?

Yep.

100: Did drugs?

Not really.

101: Smoked cigarettes?

I’ve tried it. I hate it.

102: Drank alcohol?

Oh yeah

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Nope.

104: Been overweight?

All the time.

105: Been underweight?

Never.

106: Been to a wedding?

 Two I think.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

On multiple occasions.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

LOTS OF TIMES.

109: Been outside my home country?

More times than I can count.

110: Gotten my heart broken?

Yup.

111: Been to a professional sports game? 

A few. They’re always fun.

112: Broken a bone?

Never.

113: Cut myself?

Uhhh a few times.

114: Been to prom?

Yup and it sucked.

115: Been in airplane?

I love traveling.

116: Fly by helicopter?

Never but I’d love to.

117: What concerts have I been to?

ADTR, Blink-182, Sum 41, Green Day, and a few others.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

Not really into it.

119: Learned another language?

Learned Mandarin as a young child.

120: Wore make up?

Nope but I’m not against it.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

Nope I lost it at 20

122: Had oral sex?

Yes

123: Dyed my hair?

Never tried.

124: Voted in a presidential election?

Yup. I voted for Obama and Hillary.

125: Rode in an ambulance?

Yup

126: Had a surgery?

Never.

127: Met someone famous?

YEP BUT I DIDN’T KNOW AT THE TIME.

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

A little bit.

129: Peed outside?

Yeah a few times lol

130: Been fishing?

With my grandpa a bunch of times.

131: Helped with charity?

Yeah! And honestly it does feel great.

132: Been rejected by a crush?

Multiple times.

133: Broken a mirror?

Yeah its surprisingly satisfying.

134: What do I want for birthday?

THE FUCKING ADIDAS DRAGONBALL Z SNEAKER COLLAB COLLECTION.

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

Probably none.

136: Was I named after anyone?

Nope.

137: Do I like my handwriting?

Not even a little

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

I had a megazord that I loved to play with.

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Right now? My Hero Academia.

140: Where do I want to live when older?

Taipei, Taiwan

141: Play any musical instrument?

Yup! I played the sax.

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

Self harm.

143: Favourite pizza topping?

Mushrooms.

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

Kind of? not really.

145: Am I afraid of heights?

Oh yeah.

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

LMAO all the fucking time

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Uhhhhh story of my life?

148: What I’m really bad at

Lots of things. Focusing. 

149: What my greatest achievements are

Learning coding and ethical hacking.

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

“I don’t love you anymore” “I’m glad your grandpa is dead so he wouldn’t have to see how disappointing you are.”

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Pay off all of my parent’s debt and save the rest.

152: What do I like about myself

I’m actually really sweet and cute.

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@pearlmaiden

154: Something I fantasize about

Being successful.

155: Any question you’d like?

@pearlmaiden you didn’t ask me a question

[spazzon-glitter]

with a mind to heal and a heart trying to remember how to pump after detaching away from familiarity. Welcoming my new reality as I go through R E C O V E R Y.

You might’ve noticed a bit of a change on my blog. Yes! I am currently going through a format change! Otherwise, I’m glad you’re back and connecting with me on my personal thoughts.

How’s recovery looking, you may ask. To tell you the truth, my ego’s been bruised. Badly. I’ve contemplated this post for weeks and couldn’t come close to finishing it. My thoughts have been roaming around through multiple channels in different directions. I have not been myself lately… I have these expectations where I’m supposed to be a better version of who I used to be and yet I can’t even look in the mirror and recognize who I’ve become.

Photography by: Craig

In the end, there’s no real solution or a magic wand to remove all the pain and unfortunate events in your life away. I stand here, debating whether I should continue sipping on this drink, filled with about 5 different alcohol or if I should put it down and walk away. Decisions. (I know you’re no good for me, but I still want you anyway.)

My first post in June. I wanted to be productive but who was I kidding! After the breakup in January, a lot has happened. I was very calm and kept to myself in the two months after then the next two, I spent my company around bad habits. I was trying to bury them in wild nights out and days escaping nightfall. No one said it was going to be easy and whoever thought that I moved on with someone new… wrong. I haven’t.

We sit here wondering what’s for us and forcing things to be with us alongside our journey but to the stars, moon and universe we are strung in this orchestra playing the same song they’ve arranged for us. So no matter how many heartbreaks and deaths we’ve lived, it was all meant for something. Don’t you agree? We give our lives a purpose. A meaning. An understanding.

Let’s clear the air then. Let’s hit refresh. Let’s find the meaning to life, reason and our existence. Let’s find Maichi.

I finished my spring semester gracefully and reconnected friendships (as per usual). You lose some and you gain some. Balance. I then went through with another “breakup” with one of my best friends and it felt like another heartbreak all over again, but it was different this time around. I sat there laughing and thinking about how ridiculous of a situation it had become. I had no energy to give to anyone anymore so I turned back inside and said I was going to give 100% to only myself and no one else. Self love.

Acceptance. It’s a hard pill to swallow and yes, I’m still hung up on him (some days but rarely now if I’m being honest). I like to call it a relapse where I have my off days and good days. Those bad days take me into another realm and I cry in the morning regretting my decisions. Now, if that’s not going to be a wake up call for me, then I don’t know what is…

The time to change is now. Progress is what I need.

So… this is me.

5 months in and still having troubles finding myself. I’ve been clouded and am now taking a step back to re-energize.

I like to believe that we all are travelers. Each part and section of our lives are cut into fours. 1) Our childhood. 2) Our stage going into adulthood. 3) Our marriage years with children. 4) Then our grandma, grandpa years.

We travel into this world with nothing on our backs but the family we grew up in. As we continue to pace and push ourselves to the new day, we’re brought to be placed in and with those who will teach us a little bit about ourselves and of course, something about them. We never really leave empty handed if you think about it. I never say never but here I am using it. Think of it this way, they’re bearing you with a gift. The gift of themselves. Inspiring you, moving you and pushing you to your limits either good or bad they are what provides you with knowledge so that you can be better and bigger for what’s next to come. While you stay bitter and let the world ruin you, you start to deteriorate all the magic and light you found. Don’t lose it. Remember how it felt when you touched it? That spark? That lightness? That high? Keep it with and in you.

I was soaring. I was always reaching for new heights. I tweeted something along the lines of people not being comfortable with growth and they naturally want to stay the same, but me, I’m not that person. I’m not that kind of soul. My potential is the only thing that I have left to keep striving for.

After coming from missing someone who doesn’t miss me, I stopped and faced the music. I looked in the mirror and said, “it’s over.” When you say it out loud and the words come slurring from your mouth from crying that’s when it hits you. You’re trying to accept it, inhale the truth and then you sit there, lying on the ground, sobbing, you realize, now it’s just you, alone… without your “other half.” Without the other person you thought you were gonna grow old with.

I’ve spent so much of my time investing in others and not myself. I was busy trying to keep busy and distract from what was calling. I wanted to live in this dream forever. Cloud nine. The perfect family. The perfect boyfriend. The perfect job. I was making money. And lots of it. I was having time for little getaway trips with the love of my life. Adventuring out. Seeing nature. Sunbathing. With little to no movement, I told him, I didn’t want stagnancy. I wanted more. I always have since I was in younger. I had big dreams. Big things. I felt like I was made for so much and I wasn’t afraid to look back when the time was near. I was ready to drop everything I had here and leave. To find myself. To find my “calling.” To find purpose. I found it. All within that year. So I settled, for a bit.

I like to fill my soul with trips. Love. But little did I know, being blindsided, I lost it. I lost all of it. I never built myself around comfort and I felt it. It was nice to come home to my person. Eat dinner. Watch a show together, shower then sleep. Repeat. Did I really want this? We both wanted more, I know that. But we both just didn’t want the same things, I guess.

Majority of my nights are spent in the bathtub, detoxing my stress and anxiety I have from time to time. Less reading nowadays but definitely more carefree attention to nature. I sit watching the clouds move above me and sometimes lay up in the sun so I can feel alive again. The zombie feeling that I’m in is very familiar. So familiar that it’s almost comforting. I walk around trying to feel something but I don’t feel anything. Most days, that is. Numb.

I wanted you to take us to a higher cloud. Higher than 9. Even though it hurt, I’d do it all again. I wouldn’t imagine myself doing this with anyone else and even though I was high, on top of the world, I knew I had to come down. It had to end. Reality was back. Reality was calling my name. It was summoning me.

People say that I’ve moved on quickly and didn’t let this effect me at all but it has. Trust me. All my friends that I’ve gone out with has seen me drunk talk about him. Drunk or not, I’m still missing him and they know it. BUT happiness looks better on me.

Photography by: Maimee Vang

I choose to walk away from this gracefully. With my head high, chin up, eyes tear free, and a smile plastered on my face. I choose me. Even though they didn’t turn out how I would’ve wanted it to be, I still am glad it happened the way it did. There’s still so much to say and I could talk about it all day long, but I know I have to move on… I have to let go. My entirety right now is focused on moving forward and being happy with who I am. Regaining trust in people. Faith in myself, love and life. Remembering how there’s still a world of opportunity if I reach it and being able to have confidence to grab it with both of my hands. Possibilities are endless.

Thank you for staying with me for this long. Thank you for reading till the end. I am taking a mental break on my social media (instagram/twitter). I may be updating on my blog. So please feel free to check in. Otherwise, welcome to my new journey. Me. Maichi. Without Chris. I’ll have days where I’ll reminisce so excuse me.

Taking care of myself.

xx, missmaichi

Moving Gracefully with a mind to heal and a heart trying to remember how to pump after detaching away from familiarity.