#i want to cry and literally nothing is wrong im just ready to cry fuck everything

[tiyoin]

pt.2 | 📍pt.3 | pt.4

im fighting my demons to go to my classes today, so I wrote some more

there was something so... paralyzing about going to class.

after what happened you couldn't budge going back. its been a week yes. but time didn't change emotional residue that stuck and clung to you whenever you thought about leaving the ramshackle.

backpack strapped to your person and hands clenching the straps, you were ready to go to school. yet with each passing second you stood at the door. quiet, contemplating.

you've been through so much worse than this! this is the easy stuff! just open that door, walk to class, sit, learn / day dream, and run back to ramshackle while you waited for your second class.

easy enough right?

wrong.

the splinters in the door didn't seem to move the harder you stared at it. the longer your eyes glazed over each discoloration of the wooden door. yet the more you looked at it the more the handled disappeared and the more wall-like it became.

you could do this. its not like you're going to die. right? "scratch that" you muttered, thinking about how this school has had a handful of overboots in the past few months. who knows if you accidentally trip and fall, having your pencil in the side of your backpack fly out and stab someone in the eye.

causing an overboot.

boom, instant death.

or! what if you got yourself a treat from the cafeteria today (lunch) and accidentally trip?? causing yourself to not only look like a fool in front of the entire school, but maybe you got your treat on one of the leeches!

instant death.

you let out an exasperated sigh. fuck. your hands that were once clutching the straps of your backpack were now rubbing against your eyes aggressively.

you wanted to cry. your mind relenting as your tear ducts sprung into action and steadily glided down your face.

why couldn't you do this one simple thing??

its literally so easy. just move your sorry butt and get to class. it's okay because yuu is there, grim is there....... okay, so yuu and grim are there-

your mind thought back to silver and kalim. ever since you interacted with the two your mind has been in limbos about whether you should call them your friends or not. I mean, should they even be on the podium for a poetical friendship?

what if they didn't want to be your friend? what if this was all some sort of elaborate school wide joke to make you look like a fool? like some kind of loser?

dropping your hands to your side, you started fanning yourself. the insidious thoughts swirling in your mind as they kept spiraling and spiraling. each thought was more outlandish than the last as you tried to breathe.

you had noticed your breathing pick up. trying everything in your power to control your emotions, yet it was useless. each self assured thought battled valiantly against each worry. yet Seth each good thought there were about 10 bad thoughts there to counter.

fuck.

why were you such a failure? its literally class. you dont even have to talk! just go there!

but that's exactly what spooked you enough to throw your bag on the floor. you couldn't be there with all those eyes on you.

with a defeated, angry huff you stormed to the dusty, stripped couch. tears long exchanged for angry growls and grumbles as you plopped yourself on it before standing up. you walked back and forth in front of the couch because you had to do something-anything. you needed to distract yourself from these thoughts.

yet the one thing you wanted to do was so out of reach for you, ... yet it was right there.

you were trapped in a glass house with nothing but your fear keeping the door closed.

"oi what's the the racket!"

you paused your pacing. 'when did I start pacing?' you thought to yourself for a moment. shrugging it off, you looked around to try and find the person who's voice that belonged to.

yet there was no one. no ghosts nor grim-

"what're you doing stand'n there like a chicken? dont'cha got class?" you followed the voice to the stairs. and low and behold was the magnificent grim. paws at his hips with a judge look, right before he yawned.

'cute' you thought with a deep breathe.

your fanning motions slowed down with each step grim descended. you didn't bother listening to his yapping as you walked closer to your furry companion.

"I uh..."

"couldn't do it?" he asked bluntly. your cheeks heated up as you nodded softly, a bit embarrassed that someone as... grim like, could point that out.

he sighs once he's at a step that's eye level with you. he pointed with a smirk "listen, I normally dont do this, but the great and powerful grim must show his henchmen some beevlence"

"benevolence" you corrected

grim rolled his eyes, giving you a deadpan expression "yeah, that's what I said"

you gave him a thin lipped 'uh huh' as he continued.

"so! I'll let you carry the great grim to class!'

'... this little shit is capitalizing on your anxiety to catch a free lift! that little asshole

but then again... free emotional support animal

but it's the principle-

yeah and we're going to be having another meeting with that bird-brain if we dont keep up attendance.'

you battled with yourself for a moment. weighing the pros and cons of using each other. grim would definitely not shut up about it when you're carrying him... but... free hugs.

"oi, why you making faces?"

"sorry, I just got lost in thought" you smiled sheepishly. taking a deep breath, you looked him in the eye. "okay, that works for me"

grim cheered before complaining how tried he was from gym yesterday. yet you faintly recall the feline scouting out a place under the bleachers to take a cat nap under.

yet you also recalled how Vargas found him (you and yuu snitched) and made him run 5 extra laps because of all the new engird he must have💪

you laughed to yourself at the memory. your mood slightly lighting as you shooed off another one of grim's questions.

bending down, grim clambered happily in your arms as you adjusted your hold on him. making your way back to your discarded book bag, you carefully bent down, making sure not to drop the... fat cat.

there was no way to say it nicely.

fluffy? soft? fun-sized?

slinging the bag on your back, you paused for a moment to adjust the straps and the cat in your hold. once were both situated and you were positive weren't going to move, you made your way to the door.

you tried focusing on grim. on his soft fur, random yapping, and even the warmth his ears protruded.

once you were back at your oaky wall, you took a deep breathe. the deepest oe you took all day. closing your eyes, you shot your hand towards the door and aggersivly opened it.

and to your surprise; there was no one there.

no dragon to smite you where you stood

no annoyingly obnoxious person waiting to point out your flaws,

no towering upper class-men ready to stare you down the moment you read on their radar

not even meteor.

there was nothing. and yet you still paused. still hesitated.

your eyes surveyed the courtyard in front of you, searching and scanning for anything besides from trees and distant buildings. anything besides the overgrown weeds and cracked cobblestone.

"oi c'mon, we'll be even later than the late bell! hurry it up!"

jolting at the interruption. you reached for the door before closing it. now you were trapped outside. grim hurried you again, starting to squirm in your arms in annoyance.

your mouth and feet work in unison as you kept your eyes locked on the gate.

"how would you describe yourself grim?"

and you know what, the walk wasn't as bad as you thought.

--

its a bit shorter than the rest (so far) but I had to build a bit to the next part.

[yellowharrington]

jaded - chapter 4, carmy berzatto x reader

pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx

warnings: smoking mention, minors dni with this story please.

word count: 2k

a/n: ok literally i am the worst ever and i totally didn't finish this fic even tho i started it so im finally posting the last part literally MONTHS later!!! sorry besties but i couldn't have an unfinished fic out there in the world so... if u fuck w this story at all thank u for reading it and all the encouraging and nice things people have said, it literally made me want to complete this fic so thank u <3

summary: tying up loose ends.

and it's a fuckin' shame that it ended like that you broke your own heart, but you'd never say that we went to hell, but we never came back

masterlist | chapter 3

It all just feels numb.

Sun coming up over the horizon and a light snowfall onto the street below. Your home is quiet, no pans in the kitchen making French omelettes, no TV playing outside the bedroom door as you sleep. No toothbrushing in the bathroom or running shower water, warm and steamy, inviting you in.

It’s not that you weren’t expecting his answer. Or, lack thereof. It’s that he couldn’t make up his fucking mind. First, he’s cooking you an omelette in your favourite pan with a cup of coffee made exactly the way you like it. He’s spending every evening on the couch with you, your hands splayed out against his stomach, comfortable beneath the waistband of his sweats. You’re in his sweater, baking fresh warm cookies so he can have one before bed, smudges of chocolate against your lips as he pushes you up against the counter, hot skin on cold tile.

Next, he has that look on his face, where he’s somewhere else. Thinking of her, in a dreamland where he can make it right again, and it all feels like it comes crashing down. The sweet nothings don’t exist in this realm, there’s no happiness here.

And when you do have to face him on Monday, it’s back to cold shoulder, nothing different. Yes chef, no chef, thank you chef. 

Sydney tries to make conversation, and you feel bad because you won’t bitch about Carmy like you usually would. Richie’s having secret meetings with Natalie, probably more about Claire, but you don’t even think to join in. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much, and it’s hard enough to go outside and take a fucking break from it all, let alone be in the same cramped kitchen with him. There’s no solitude, just aching, just disappointment.

“Did you order me a new cake pan, chef?” It’s directed at Tina, who looks up at you with the same wistful softness as she always does, smiling before nodding in your direction. You don’t hear her slide over to you, but when she suddenly appears at your station, you can tell she just knows something’s wrong.

“What’s up with you?” she asks, clipboard finding it’s way to the counter beside you, where a piping bag lays. “You’re not yourself. Something… wrong. Don’t tell me a boy did this to you.” The tears prick at your eyes and you swallow it all before you can get out a word, because yeah, it all fucking aches and the hurt feels like it’s sitting right behind your eyes, in your throat, ready to come out.

“It’s nothing. It is a boy but, boys are stupid and I’m not gonna cry over one,” you sniffle, before untying your apron and letting it hang loose on your body. “Not worth it.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Your blood runs cold when she gestures just outside to the bright light of the door, where Carmy sits, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.

Luckily the kitchen is empty when you reply, only so she can hear, “how did you know?”

“I saw the way you looked at him this morning.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Fuck no. Between you and me, chef.”

You sighed relief, letting your front hit the counter as the stress left your body. “Thank fuck. Yeah, I don’t know, we were-“

“Fuckin’?” Tina’s got a sly smile on her face that makes it impossible not to laugh with her.

“Yeah, I guess. It felt like more than that. But apparently he’s still hung up on Claire so, I guess that ends it.”

She exhales slowly, joining you in a lean against the counter. “Jeff makes mistakes, everyone knows that. He’s moody and sad and he’s got fuckin’ problems, that kid, I tell ya.” She pauses for a second, eyes meeting yours, sincere. “But he’s good. I just don’t think he can handle himself, is all.” She takes a beat, letting her soft hand lay over yours, “He doesn’t let himself have the good shit because it always gets ruined. But you’re good. He’s scared of you.”

“He should be scared of me. I’m gonna fucking kill him,” you mutter, letting your floured hand meet your forehead in annoyance. “I’m not responsible for fixing his shit.”

She nods, agreeing with you, a hand cupping yours on the counter. “No, you’re not. I’m just saying he could use someone like you to bring him back to Earth, is all.”

-

When Carmy does make it back inside, he’s thumbing through paperwork at the desk, hand through his hair stressfully pulling at the strands. He’s trying so hard not to stare at you from where he’s sitting, noticing your cold gaze, somewhere far away. He takes out his phone to scroll through it mindlessly, procrastinating, when he meanders his way to the text icon and opens up your thread. A few texts here and there, mostly just asking about plans to come over, the occasional sexy photo or recipe idea.

[sunday, 10:26] they don't have fresh sourdough. should we just make some this aft?

[saturday, 4:35] i hate when you go in on saturdays

[saturday, 4:36] Photo Recieved

[saturday 4:36] don't you wish you were home with me?

[tuesday, 12:22] is balsamic glaze overdone? lmk. miss u.

It feels a little too domestic, seeing the way he so effortlessly became comfortable with you, a warmth and excitement that was just never there with Claire. It’s raw and it’s guilty and he’ll beat himself up over it forever, but it was never going to be perfect with her, no matter how hard he tried.

“Boss?”

Richie appears in the office, leaning against the door frame before noticing Carmy’s disheveled look. “Yeah?”

“You look worse than usual.”

“Thanks. What do you need?”

“Well, I was gonna ask if you ordered more eggs.”

“I, uh, yeah. Yeah, I think Sydney did.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

It’s like Richie could see right through him.

“Nothin’. Stupid shit.”

Richie steps into the office, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

“Cousin.”

Richie can be sweet when he wants to be, and when he’s got a hand on Carmy’s shoulder and a somber look in his eyes it’s like he already knows how Carmy feels.

“Why do I suck so bad at being a fuckin’ normal person?”

Richie sits next to him, a look of surprise. “Is this about Claire bear?”

“Yes, well - yeah, and also no. Kinda. I don’t know.”

“Is it about Miss Buttercream out there?”

He gestures to you outside the door, zesting some orange on top of the cake you were finishing up. Carmy stifles a laugh.

“We all know you’re porkin’ her.”

“Don’t say that,” Carmy laughs, hand coming up to his face to rub his eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been kinda, dating, I guess? I still don’t know what counts as having a girlfriend.”

“So what did you do?”

He gnaws at the skin of his thumb and lets his eyes flicker up to Richie’s. “Fucked it. Last night, I, uh,-“ his hand finds his warm forehead. “I really like her, like a lot. But she asked about Claire and I said the wrong thing, like I always do and uh, she didn’t like it.”

“She’s good,” Richie starts, letting his hands find his aproned thighs as he sits at the corner of the desk. “Claire was good for you too. But she didn’t… get it. Not like she does,” he gestured vaguely to your station outside the door. “Claire was never gonna get the restaurant and the kitchen and the fuck of it all.”

Richie's hand extends to cup Carmy's shoulder.

“Look, do whatever you want, but there isn’t really someone who matches you like she does. Claire’s history now, drunk phone calls don’t mean she’s still in love with you. If that’s what you were thinking.”

Carmy sits back in the creaky chair. “Nah, not that. I just don’t know how to do it right.”

“It’s not about doing it right,” Richie’s got sincerity in his eyes. “It’s about fuckin’… trying shit. Just go and make a move and see.” Carmy watches you hang up your apron on the hook and grab a hoodie before fucking outside. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks Richie.”

“Good luck.”

- 

“I’m sorry.”

Carmy’s voice takes you out of your trance as you stare into the back alley of the restaurant. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?”

“You can talk, I’ll listen.”

The crackle of his lighter, orange flame against white snow. You can see his breath slipping from between his lips as he exhales out of the corner of your eye.

“I feel like a fuckin’ asshole,” he starts, plunging his other hand in his pocket. “I don’t know what to say.” A beat. “Can you look at me?” It’s gentle, a question, not a demand.

You turn to look at him. Cold blue eyes, darkened by the brightness around you. “You’re not second best to me. You’re it, this is it. I like this, I, I fuckin’,” he takes a breath, “I love… this. I want this.”

“You hurt my feelings, Carmen,” tears brimming your eyes and coating your lashes. “If you’re not done with Claire, I don’t… I don’t care. If I am your second choice, fine.” 

“You’re not.”

“Even if I was. But don’t fuck me around if you don’t want me.”

“I do.”

“Are you sure? You weren’t sure last night.”

“I get it if you don’t trust me. I get it. I haven’t given you a reason to.” He searches for the right words, but chooses to take a tentative step towards you. “I’ll beg for you,” he’s quiet, unlike Carmy. “Anything.”

Your eyes meet his briefly, a soft smile pulling at your lip. “I’m not saying yes, okay?” He nods. “But I am saying I would appreciate a ride home tonight. If you’re serious.”

“I’m serious.”

“Good.”

-

The walk up to your apartment is easy. His heavy steps behind your light ones, hands sliding up the bannister as you unlock your door. He’s on your heels, a little behind. When he steps in your apartment, it’s familiar. Browned butter, vanilla, laundry. 

“Do you want dinner?” He’s tentative, letting his shoes sit next to yours on the mat. His jacket goes up on the hooks by the door, together. 

“Are you offering?”

“Yes.”

Carmy shows love through food, that’s how he always is. You can tell he’s feeling particularly sorry about it all because he’s bringing out a big pasta pot and a saucepan, pulling the only fresh ingredients left in your place and putting them next to the stove top. Your t-shirt finds its way into the laundry basket, an old sweater thrown over your bare skin.

You hate how normal it all feels, because it’s scary. To think of a domestic life with him, where there’s another girl lingering in the background of his thoughts that he has unfinished business with. Insecurities of who is better, prettier, happier, warmer… if he had the chance, would he leave? Would he jump ship?

He sits next to you while you eat, thighs against thighs, and comfortable silence blanketing your small apartment. He hasn’t gotten into one of the many pairs of pyjamas he’s left at your place, or taken his usual after-work shower, or taken out the frozen cookie dough to thaw. You can tell he’s not sure if he’s welcome here for good, yet.

When your food is done, he pushes the plates away and takes a calloused hand to wrap around yours. There’s sharpie marks small knife cuts on his fingers. 

“Are you gonna stay the night?” You ask, still not meeting his gaze. 

“Am I welcome to?” He doesn’t sound like himself, and you can feel his warm breath near the top of your head as you turn towards him. Your body collapses a little then, folding slightly at the middle to have your head fall right into the centre of his chest.

“Yes, Carmen,” you nod, letting your eyes flicker up to meet his. “You can stay for as long as you want.”

His hand slipped from yours then, sliding around your side and up your back. He pulled you into his embrace, lips wrapped around yours in a soft capture. Your hands found their way under his t-shirt, only slightly, his warm skin against the palms of your hands, pulling him impossibly closer. 

And when you lay in bed with him that night, your face burrowed into the softness of his chest, you know the days of waking up alone are over. 

[crazykitsch]

Can you do a jealous Fermin one pls, it starts a little angsty but ends in fluff 🙏🏻 I’ll leave it to your imagination

Fermin Lopez: you & me

pairing: fermin lopez x reader

warnings: none

❝I don't care about your first love. This should be your last one. Nothing like your last one. You look better on me, that's fashion.❞

I am not the jealous type. Atleast.. I like to think i’m not, others might disagree.

However my boyfriend, Fermin, sure does know how to make me jealous. I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, but it does sometimes (always) get to me when I see him and his ex girlfriend Valerie (who was also his first girlfriend). They broke up about 1,5 year ago and still remained friends.

I honestly just don’t get it, whats her deal? Me and Fermin are perfect for eachother and look great together. No need for her to butt in.

Right now we’re at Lewandowski’s house for a lunch for all Barca players and their girlfriends. Somehow Valerie is here since Pedri is single and he’s good friends with her so he invited her.

Im sitting next to Fermin and right next to him is, ofcourse, Valerie.

I AM a girls girl but I really do fucking hate her, sorry. I feel like she knows whats shes doing and how to get on my nerves. Should I name an example? Right now she is ‘talking’ with Fermin. Any person who doesn’t know them would definitely assume they’re a couple. But they’re not. I am sitting here, talking to no one, while being on my phone just scrolling on Instagram, I don’t know what to do.

I suddenly hear an annoying voice giggle so I immediately look at Valerie. I see her and Fermin laughing together at God knows what and she leans towards his shoulder and rests her head there. What the fuck. Now i’ve seriously had enough of her bullshit. How does Fermin not notice she’s still into him?

I sit here for a minute thinking of all the things I wanna do to her AND him. I decide to not do anything right now and instead I get up and go to Robert Lewandowski, I say goodbye to him and a few of my friends here and grab my jacket. Fermin has the car keys but I do not feel like talking to him so I just walk home. It is a 30 minute walk and as im walking I start to think about everything. I suddenly start crying and text my friend

~

PRIVATE CHAT: lola <3 & y/n 🎀

y/n 🎀:

lola?

lola

lola

please answer

lola <3:

hi

hi

hi

whats wrong bb

y/n 🎀:

im literally so fucking done

are you home?

walking in your street

lola <3:

walking ??

y/n come over now

~

My tears have stopped and I knocked on Lola’s door. She opens it very quickly and lets me in. ‘Y/n what happened?’ she says and I can’t help but cry again. It might seem dumb to other people but I just really don’t like it when others try to take what belongs to me. ‘Lunch at Lewandowski’s, fucking Valerie getting on my nerves again, Fermin doing nothing.’ I say. We walk into her living room and sit on her couch. She hugs me as she says ‘Boys are really stupid, you know? Especially Fermin. He has such a pretty, smart, amazing girlfriend.’ I don’t know what to say so I just nod and hug her. ‘Do you want to spend the night?’ she asks and I nod again.

We just sit there watching tv and i’ve calmed down a bit. Right now it’s almost dinner time so we decide to cook pasta together. During dinner I suddenly remember I haven’t updated Fermin at all..

‘Do you think I need to text Fermin? I didn’t tell him where exactly I was going.’ I asked, I know I probably should but I don’t know if im ready for an argument. ‘If you’re ready for that you should.’ Lola says. I take a minute to think about it and say ‘I’ll do it tonight.’

It’s currently 8pm and me and Lola are on the couch watching a movie. We’re both so tired that after an hour we accidentally fall asleep. Stupid. I know.

I wake up the next morning and see that it’s 6am. I wake up Lola and say ‘Did I text Fermin? Or did I forget?’ okay now i’m really stressed. ‘Ehm.. I dont know, I think you didn’t’. ‘Fuck!’ I grab my phone and the first thing I see are all his notifications..

~

PRIVATE CHAT: fermin 🩷 & y/n ❤️

fermin 🩷:

where did you go to?

is it because of Val?

fermin 🩷:

just got home, where are you?

fermin 🩷:

im worried

fermin 🩷:

okay youre not funny anymore

where are you

fermin 🩷:

come home now y/n

fermin 🩷:

its midnight. please come home

fermin 🩷:

alright i’ll take it as a sign youre not coming home

~

Oh my god. I’m so stupid??? I show Lola the texts and she tells me to hurry and go home so I do.

She gives me a ride to my house and right now im standing in front of our door. I hesitate for a second but then I knock and I see Fermin standing there. Before I can even figure out what to do or say he pulls me into a hug and says ‘I’m so grateful you’re okay dont do that again please.’ I don’t know how to react. What I did WAS a bit wrong, but he’s not innocent either. Should I mention that i’m still mad? Or should I just let it slide? But if I let it slide Valerie will only get more and more touchy and comfortable with him..

‘Fermin?’ I say as I pull out of the hug. ‘I left yesterday because i’m so fucking tired of you and Valerie. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed but that girl is still into you. She knows exactly how she can get on my nerves and she never fails to do so. I don’t want to be that girl to make you pick sides but I would really appreciate it if you, my boyfriend, would see how she’s acting and tell her to stop.’

I can tell he doesn’t really know what to say. Before I can say something he says ‘Y/n Valerie is a friend of mine, nothing more. If she really does bother you i’ll break all contact with her right now because I don’t want you to go away anymore.’ I see him grabbing his phone and I can see he’s removing her number and unfollowing her on everything. I mumble a little ‘Thank you’ and he says ‘If you feel like that again please just tell me and if i deny it keep telling me, alright?’ I nod yes and hug him again.

It’s now a few hours later, 11 pm, and Fermin needs to go to Ciutat Esportiva Joan Camper for football training. ‘Y/n do you want to come along? Your support brings luck.’ he says and I smile and nod yes.

When we arrive there I see my friend Mikky and sit next to her. All of a sudden she says ‘How are things between you, Fermin.. and Valerie?’ I laugh and say ‘Me and Fermin are good now, Valerie is still the same bitch she was before.’ We both laugh while we sit there watching our boyfriends train.

After training, which took them like 3 hours we go home. He says he’s all sore and hurt but im pretty sure he’s just saying that so we can cuddle which I dont mind. I’m sitting on the couch as he lays on top of me.

‘Was fun watching you train today.’ I say as I start playing with his hair, ‘You were talking with Mikky the entire time though.’ he says. I kiss his head as I say ‘Needed to catch up.’ I can hear him hum and notice he’s been getting a bit more tired. I turn on the tv to watch my favorite show and notice Fermin has fallen asleep. I smile and kiss him one more time before fully concentrating on the show.

A/n: I’m soooo sorry this took longer than expected. I’ll try my best to work on more requests today!!

[no-see-um-incorrect]

Ok soooo im having a really fucked day mentally…….. so here’s how my favorite ASMR boys would help you during your mentally fucked days 

Seth🏕️

He’s been there. He knows how it is. 

He’ll pick you up throw you over his shoulder, grab the softest blanket in the house and a whole box of your favorite cookies/comfort snack. He puts on your favorite playlist/movie/TV show

Put you on his lap with the blanket over you and hold you close. gently kissing your neck and shoulders. He doesn’t say much. he doesn’t have to say much. he’ll listen, he’ll nod. But rarely will any words be spoken unless prompted 

Charlie🍕🐭

He knows you. You guys literally grew up together, trying to hide it from him is pointless. 

He’ll walk up to you and give you a big hug. (as big as the skinny bitch can muster) and he won’t let you go until you are willing to sit down and talk about it.

“it’s OK Casper”

“let it out……I’ll be here when you’re ready”

“Your not a burden babe… you’re never a burden”

After you’re done talking, you lay in bed together and cuddle until you both asleep

Milo🐾

We already know how good Milo is at this kind of thing.

Provided that you’re not already in panic zone. Milo can always tell when his sweetheart is not doing well.  he goes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.

(provided that you have the same reaction as me that would make you cry right then and there.)

He listens, he holds you close, he makes it better.

You’d think he was taking lessons From caelum for how quickly he makes “the knots” go away. Sure some knots will always be there and he knows that. But he will try his hardest to make you feel safe and loved.

If I do caelum I just might cry While typing this

Sam❤️

(What is it with broken southern men) Sam. much like Seth also knows what it’s like.

“I got ya darlin’….you’re safe here”

Sam holds you close to his chest. And just lets you vent while he softly rubs your back. He’ll use his flannel sleeve to wipe off any stray tears.

You can ask if you’re being too much. You can tell him you didn’t want to be a burden. 

But he won’t have any of it.

“darlin do you think it’s a burden when I share my sorrows with you?”

“No.” (If you say yes. f@ck you)

“then why do you think I’d be burdened with hearing yours?”

Once the vent session is done, and your tears are dried. He’ll give you all the kisses, and whisper all the sweet nothings. And get you back to feeling like you’re on top of the world. 

 Auron📚

(Didn’t think I was gonna bring him out did ya)

We know that he’s not the softest guy in the world, but when he is it’s good.

He realizes that you’re not acting your normal self and will request a meeting with you (whilst also clearing the next two hours of his schedule)

He sits on the couch in his office (he’s loaded He has one) you sit down next to him, and he pats his lap.

“come here. rest your eyes rook” you lay your head in his lap, and he  runs his fingers through your hair. He won’t push you to talk. He’ll just wait until you’re ready.  but if he feels that you’re not telling him because you don’t want to bother him. He’ll reassure you.

“we may be on work hours,  but I want you to know i’m still here….. you can interrupt me at any time of the day or night if you need anything”

The rest is up to you.

Guy🍕

It doesn’t matter if you are the best at hiding it. if literally nothing in your demeanor changes, if you’re just the same as you always are,

he knows 

“Honeyyyyy~ what’s wrong”

Hide your emotions all you want you’re gonna end up talking about it. he’ll kiss all over you, Whispering little praises, make extremely lewd comments. you know guy being guy just a lotmore than usual. and somehow even he’s confused about this. It makes you feel better. 

Sorry if this sucks, my hands were shaking the entire time and I still don’t have my glasses fixed. Love y’all, and I wish you well 





[imaginespazzi]

stated it will never not tickle me that you give a preamble about how much you don't like the chapter before dropping the most earth shattering amazing chapter ever.

I mean, don't get too cocky I have multiple bones to pick with you, but it was really good ok?!

Before I dive in here, I wanna wish you an extremely amazing vacation! As an Italian American I want to warn you that Italian girls are incredible sexy and if that other person you were fucking with is still being fickle, you should def bang some Italian chick, and get some inspiration for writing smut because you are currently EDGING US TO DEATH.

August 2025

Wow it just occurred to me that in this universe Azzi went back for her 5th year, so at the time of the proposal Azzi is 22 and still planning on spending another year at UConn? Paige what are you doing.

"She’s cut off by the sound of excited chatter filling up the air and Azzi doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s just entered the premises."

By excited chatter do you mean women yelling PAIGE I LOVE YOU and screaming and throwing their panties at her?

No rings. It feels wrong. But then again, nothing has felt right for three months.

gut punch for us PaigeWithLotsOfLesbianRings-sexuals

“I see Jewell and Téa,” Paige cuts her off immediately, her legs already moving in a rush, “I’ll see y’all later.”

ok this may be out of pocket but I think Paige and Tea would make a really hot couple. I mean if Azzi left her for you Nivi, and that is the only reason P would be single ok?

Paige shrugs, tugging on Azzi’s hand to pull her closer, “you said you don’t wanna fight and I- I don’t want you to go,” the confession hangs between them as Paige’s hands fall to Azzi’s waist, “so- let’s just- let’s pretend.”

you loooove writing heartbreaking scenes that take place in the back parking lot of a bar where they talk about pretending huh? “Sshhhh just- let me have this okay,” Paige’s voice trembles as she leans her forehead against Azzi’s, “if I can’t have it for real, please just let me pretend.”

well now I have to go commit myself to a psychiatric hospital because I am crying while reading a fanfic about a real life couple who are on the university of Connecticut women's basketball team. Great!

if only you’d just let me hold you in front of the world

Annnnd Paige's impending panic attack in the present day story is going to be about…

April 2033

“you look phenomenal.”

ok after I read this line my inner monologue was literally "wow big word Paige", so the next line you wrote is technically plagiarism

“Foreplaying,”

ok I loved this cause it was finally a reference to something sexual between them. Up until now its technically been a chapter of the book of Mormon.

“You know I’d take you with me if I could Stephie,” Paige says, “but I’ll make it up to you tomorrow I swear.”

so at this point Paige just wakes up, gets ready for the day, goes to Azzi's for the entire day, then gets home and immediately goes to sleep?

“Well it could be if you’d just let me fuck you after,” Paige grumbles and Azzi’s mouth falls open at the bluntness of it.

def not in the Book of Mormon anymore Fine. Okay. Whatever. I won’t go. You have the time of your life with fucking Clementine or whatever-”

this line is line is extremely Paige accurate

April 2029

“she needs to hear how much I fucking hate her. Azzi do you hear me? I can hear you breathing. I know you’re there. Did you hear what I said?”

wow stab and twist

Ok honestly justice for Olivia, girl deserves to be fucking furious.

"How do I make it go away? Please tell me how I make it go away? How did you make it go away?”

oh ok, im crying again

April 2033

Paige’s hand resting on her lower back as the blonde guides the two of them through the crowd in search of their teammates.

ok mystics game reference

“and I supposed there’s no point in introducing Azzi to you since y’all came together,”

ok in this Universe is it not canon that most womens basketball fans know these two are a couple? Like is it common knowledge to these other players that they are non-platonic or is it a pre-leak reality? “and it is really good to see you Azzi. I have missed you.”

ok I can just hear this in a French accent and Paige just making the most disgusted American face possible “you sit Clémence. You already have a drink. I was gonna go get one for myself and I’ll get Azzi’s too. Besides, Azzi's more of a fruity drink girl. Az I’ll get you a piña colada-”

This proves Paige is no rizzler at all, because a rizzler would know that a woman does not want a sugary frozen blended drink at a club “I would have liked to stay but they needed the cap space so they could sign her. She- she’s quite expensive

oh, ok, so now you have me feeling sympathy for this French fry? You are the QUEEN of writing 'the other woman'

It makes Azzi clench her thighs together as she tries to focus on Clémence.

NEVER BEEN FURTHER FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON

“It’s funny you’re acting like such a fucking prude when you have a bastard chi-”

I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW

“Let’s go,” the blonde’s voice is eerily low, “we’re going home.”

wow Paige, weird time to be all domestic n shit

“Baby-” the word slips out from Azzi’s lips before she can catch it. She hasn’t used it for someone other than Stephie in so long that it feels foreign on her lips and yet, it fits exactly right.

OMG Azzi showing uninhibited emotion this is crazy

“we hooked up a couple of times,”

thats it?! wow Clem has no game, I am proud to be an American - where at least i know im freeeeee

“You don’t get it yet do you,” Azzi whispers, reaching up to cup Paige’s face, “baby you are the exception to all of my rules.”

oh now im crying from my eyes AND my vagina. But most of all I'm MAD- MAD at you for ending the chapter there, and not showing us the SEX, then going at least two weeks without a chapter - EDGING US TO DEATH. 🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻🤱🏻

Ahahaha tbf I'm a bad judge of my own writing because reading it lowkey makes me die the first time 😭

Well as much as I can confirm that Italian women are in fact stunning, I am a) on vacation with my family which includes my strict-ish parents and b) my situationship is in a pretty good place right now

That is in fact exactly what I mean by excited chapter

Listen if Azzi every leaves her for me, idc who that blonde decides to do at that point. Téa is drop dead gorgeous tho.

There are apparently some common tropes that I must write about these two i.e back of the bar heartbreak, phone calls...I have a formula

If it helps, in real life those two are being disgustingly domestic visiting each other's families and acting like an old married couple where one of them builds while the other appreciates the scene so...

LMAO same braincells fr so it's not actually plagiarism

BOOK OF MORMOM 😭😭😭

Yep that's a very apt description of Paige's day really.

Fun little tidbit that I named the character Clémence solely so I could make a clementine joke.

In GH Pazzi were firmly a secret the whole time

I enjoy writing the "other woman" as a woman who was wrongly "other-ed" if that makes sense?

Listen I think we should all clap for Azzi because girlie's taking some steps, baby ones fs, but STEPS!

I think you'll like next chapters babes ;)

[hyenagurl]

This sounds mean but is coming from a well-meaning place: why are you upset about that moid coworker. So he was nice to you, until you come to work with hickeys (kinda trashy but we’ll let it slide) and now he’s a dick. So he’s nice until he is shown evidence you had a romantic encounter with someone else. This moid is the equivalent of “add nice tokens until sex comes out.” The fact he switched up so fast the second he thought you fucked someone else ⁉️ He was never a nice guy, he never liked you, he wanted to smash and that’s it. He doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as something to be used and discarded- once he saw someone “used” it first, he moved directly to discarding. Use your head babe, he showed his true colors. xx luv ya

no no youre right but 😭 well it just sucks to have someone show their colors like this. part of what hurts is that it really was night and day, like a complete 180, and nobody notices but me and insists its just bc he got dumped when this started happening well before that…

ive been keeping my eye on him too. hes friendly with everyone. it feels like hes going out of his way to chat everyone up - and then when im talking to someone nearby he does his best to look away. yesterday i did something bad mannered without thinking about it (tore open a packet of aspirin, spat out a piece of it😭) and he came over and was like “why would you do that, that was disgusting and inappropriate.” he has never lectured me like that. and it was the first time he spoke to me in like days. i thought he was joking!

but that was not the worst. today it came to a head, i saw him smirking and i snapped. i asked to speak to him privately (after him initially ignoring me, with an “i guess… 🙄”) and we went to the back. he kept working while i was trying to speak to him, and when i moved in front of him, he could barely even look me in the eye and he had this big dumb nervous grin on his face, and kept laughing like “haha whats the problem? 😅” granted i kept him off guard and i honestly hadnt meant to, but still. i couldnt believe how rude he was being, even if he was nervous. he used to be so courteous!

i was angry and fighting back tears bc i would literally rather die than cry in front of a man like that, so i kept my voice as calm as i could be and was like “whats going on? i understand youre going through something hard rn, but it feels like somethings wrong between us and idk why.” he brushed it off again, still laughing and smiling, and i said “well youve been acting differently for weeks, and you only speak to me now just to lecture me.” he rambled some more bullshit, like “idk sometimes i just dont have anything to say.”

yeah, right. if theres not a problem, then who just has nothing to say to someone in a matter of a DAY?

i couldnt do anything with that and i was pretty upset, so i just told him id be here when he was ready to talk and made sure to stay away from him. then after weeping in the group chat, i was a huge mess, and then my other (male) but honestly sweet coworker saw and figured out what happened and comforted me..

okay so yeah. this is whats so upsetting. its not so much i miss our flirty dynamic - its that a coworker is pulling psychological petty high school bullshit over seemingly nothing - or worse, you and i are right, and hes icing me out for having a sex life! i feel like im going nuts!!!!

[sugaroto]

Panelele* story time

*Panhellenic exams, aka will define whether I go into uni or not

Day 1: Essay, aka greek

Our theme was feminism and women's rights. I think i did ok? Tho I finished like an hour earlier and then started panicking cause I finished earlier and didn't dare to leave the classroom. I literally checked everything like 15 times and even counted my words on theme Γ and Δ (Γ =literature exercise, Δ=essay) and then I panicked again cause I was -20 words on the essay

A good thing is that the day before I was reading some old essays of mine and I happened to read one I had written about human rights (this was probably the best one I've ever written since I got 25/30) and I remembered 2 paragraphs I had about women and wrote everything on my essay, tho it was a little messier of course but at least I had the ideas ready?

One thing the whole school agreed on is that once we got out we all laughed on [that one guy] (misogynist, racist, homophobic etc kinda guy) that probably failed

Most of us dislike him and once we got out we were like "GUYS. HIM" And then laughed about it. Sorry not sorry. He wants to be a politician, I hope he wont succeed. The country is already bad as it is

Also, a lot of people (online) were commenting on Text 2, cause "I was so glad when I saw feminism was the theme, but once I read text 2 I was dissapointed to see it still misogyny"

Which yeah, I get where they're coming from, the author was like "new feminism is bad and likes victim-culture, classic old feminism is good" and... also the description said something about identity of genders which sounded very queer to me so I thought the author might originally be attacking trans people but the actual text did not mention trans people

Also. None of that matters. Yeah the text was bullshit, was my job to listen to it? No my job was to find what gave away that the author was using comparison on the second paragraph. I literally had to find the words "on the contrary" and "but" (αντιθέτως, όμως) and say why they meant comparison

I was so focused on that that when I noticed something was weird with the text I just went like "Huh... weird ....*circles*ΑΝΤΙΘΈΤΩΣ"

Also, the whole point is to keep it neutral and not be controversial, I could write that all women are witches that should be burn if it was my opinion but if I wrote it reasonably and fair enough it'd still be acceptable

Probably the most controversial in my essay was the mention of "hijab" which I tried to be very neutral about

Day 2: ancient greek

2 parts, γνωστό & άγνωστο aka (known & unknown)

Known: what we have been taught in class, texts from ancient dudes we have to know the meaning about

Unknown: text we've never seen before in our lives but we're supposed to know enough grammar and translate it ourselves and answer questions about grammar

Known: absolute bullshit. Aristotle. Fuck you Aristotle. We were sure we'd have the text about Alexander, but no it had to be Aristotle's town. I didn't know shot I messed up on that part

Unknown: disaster. The text was some dude whining to Socrates cause his son wanted a σοφιστη teacher, the grammar ruined me. I wrote σχε, the right was σχες, I wrote αγενου, the right was αγενους, I wrote ραον/ραδιον, the right was ραδιον/ραον. I was crying two days about it. The whole word is considered wrong. I get nothing for the effort of trying to figure out that έχειν becomes σχε(ς) in β' πρόσωπο προστακτικής αορίστου β or something and also that is a fucking ανώμαλο

Also. They were this close 🤏 to fail me, cancel me before we were even given the exam

Cause, in order to do all that grammar shit, we need to make a draft

So since we had to be in the room for the next 50 minutes or something waiting, I started making a draft of some very basic nouns and verbs bc knowing me I'd forget everything once I was given the exam

And im like "sorry is it OK I wrote with a pencil?"

"YOU WROTE? THIS CAN GET YOU CANCELED ITS CONSIDERED CHEATING" *αντιγραφή as in "copying" as if I have the answers next to me and I'm copying them

And im like "I didn't copy them," I literally just wrote them and birthed the thoughts out of my fucking mind what the fuck is the difference if I do it now or in 30 minutes

And im like should I erase it? It's pencil I'm not cheating I literally JUST ANAPNOH GAMOTO OLOI OI MALAKES EPITORITES SE MENA

And they call some other teachers and I guess who was supposed to be the boss was like "nah keep it who cares its ok"

And then, when I was done with the exam, cause I had shitted my pants cause of that, I started erasing the draft just in case AND THE MOMENT I DID this freaking bitch gets up and goes and talks to the the other teacher while looking at me and then they call the boss again and I hear him whispering "it's ok"(δεν πειράζει)

But I was so sure they would cancel me the moment I got up so I sat there for like 30 minutes in fear that if I got up they'd tell me "sorry you failed cause you erased the draft we let you keep"

Day 3: latin

We're given the exam right?

I start writing

The teacher brings her chair next to my desk and rests her hand on my desk

(THE PAIN OF HAVING TO SEAT ON THE FRONT FUCKING DESK)

Ok... maybe she wants to do her job which is to keep an eye on students. She's not bothering me yet

She grabs my ID card (we were given those in order to participate) and reads it...

Ok...

She lets it down

She grabs my sharpener and looks at it, she lets it down

Why. The. Fuck. Is. She. Touching. My. Things.

She gets bored and starts drumming her fingers on the desk. I give her a death stare( and so does my friend on the other desk) but look back down as soon as she looks back at me

She SPEAKS TO ME "Είναι πολλά τα θέματα;" (does the exam has a lot of parts?)

Considering they almost failed me the other day (different people) and im not allowed to... like have a chit chat- like this is a serious exam there's seriously a police officer outside- I don't know what to do I just shrugged at her

"Ok let me see then" AND SHE GRABS THE EXAM FROM MY HANDS WHILE I WAS FUCKING WRITING TO "SEE" AND IM LIKE "πρέπει να γραψω"(I have to write) and SHES LIKE OH YEAH RIGHT AND GIVES IT BACK

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

I THINK THATS ILLEGAL AND I FELT ASSAULTED

THIS IS LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT EXAM IN MY LIFE SO FAR AND SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO BOTHER ME CAUSE SHES BORED

YOU CANT JUST GRAB MY EXAMS LIKE THAT

ALSO IT WAS DEAD SILENCE IN THERE UNTIL I SPOKE "I HAVE TO WRITE" AND PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME BUT THE ONES THAT WERE CLOSE HAD PICKED UP ON THE FACT THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG WITH HER

My friend who I'm together in tutoring class and was sitting on the other side of the classroom was like was that sugar? But she didn't dare to look up or speak bc she understood something was off

Like

WHAT the actual fuck

Do they check the teachers before they bring them in? Wtfwtfwtfwtfwtwtf

I couldn't focus after that

Thankfully Latin is my fave class and the texts we had to translate were easy

But holy fucking shit

And I did do a mistake on the translation cause I wrote "αναδεικνύει" instead of "ανταποκρίνοταν" so I later when I was checking my answers I asked where I had to write the right word bc there was no space so I needed to leave a note and she was like "I don't think we can answer now that everyone has left" (we were only 3 students in the class by then) WELL MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE A MISTAKE IF SOMEONE DIDN'T GRAB MY EXAMS WHILE I WAS TRANSLATING

Day 4: History

History is my worst class. The teachers were normal. Nobody tried to fail me before I was given the exams.

I didn't have high hopes for history because I've never gotten a good grade but my tutor believes I was lucky enough cause everything that was on the exam was something I liked and knew(according to her, according to me I hate it all)

The good news is that on the first πηγή* my answer was very big, first time that happens I always fail on my πηγές

Also there was a question about what the first government of Crete did and I had no idea what the first government of Crete even was but I remember there was a list of 12 things that were done in Crete so I just wrote that cause it was the only thing I knew

Turns out that was the right answer, I found it out by pure luck

Also turns out there were 9 things, but in the end I had only found 5 so ok

*πηγή they give us a bunch of texts and we have to write "according to the text and then according to what I know *answers questions*"

Day 5: I still have English on Saturday and idk what will happen. That was a choice exam

[carpedzem]

Dude this is fucking horrible to me I watched Quackity a lot 😭 In these situations I tend to think like "what could have caused this?" because tbh? I'm always a little denier, I always think "maybe this happened because this or this happened in his life and it was a big misunderstanding", but this? This sucks. I felt the littlest bit of what Dream probably has felt and I can tell you, it's no fucking good. Because when MY best friends started ignoring me, started looking like they didn't want much to do with me aside from frequenting me at school and only if there was no other choice for them then we hanged out, I wanted to rip my hair out, scream and cry and slam my head into the fucking wall. It's not a good feeling. It fucked with me a ton, my mental health got at the lowest it's ever been. And I didn't have TONS of people waiting for me to breathe a word so they could stalk me and go to my house and harass me on the internet every day. I had a lot of friends and my parents supporting me and helping and still, it was bad. Dream has friends and fans supporting him, of course, but he also has a ridiculous amount of people ready to commit literal fucking crimes just because they're slightly pissed at him.

I'm just so damn disappointed man. I really loved Quackity and it hurts knowing that this is probably going to get worse. I hope everyone is ok and if I dare say something, it's take your time. Take a break, mute socials, think about the situation (or don't!), talk with someone about it if you need to. Block tags, block people. Your well being is more important than taking a stance right now and participating in discourse.

Maybe I am still a little delusional, maybe I still hope somewhere that this all was a giant misunderstanding, but still, I think this behaviour is not good, to say the least.

Sorry for the long ask, take care. <3

I lost a very important friend bc they started ignoring me as well and i was also desperate i went to their home and cried for a fucking hour begging them to explain why and i heard nothing and i even sometimes think about them and what went wrong and it was so fucking terrible i had a support of other people and noone was threatening my family. Idk what is happening with q but hes clearly not in his right mind and idk he might dig himself out of this hole but im not waiting for him anymore enough is enough

everyone take care 😞💙

[itsmymeaningoflife]

11x19 spoilers

* the flashbacks at the start of the eps are actually quite cute and emotional

* Daryl is such a protector. I don’t remember the last time he interacted with Eugene and he jumps right in to save him

* The titles having more and more blood on them each ep is pretty cool too

* I literally do not give a shot about the Pamela story line

* Okay Lydia and Elijah are the fucking cutest. LET THEM BE HAPPY AMC

* Bit of a side note- I really think Aaron is an underrated character. He’s been around fo so long and he’s literally not done anything wrong ever and I LOVE HIM

* Rosita, my queen. I want to be like you when I grow up.

* Absolutely feral for Daryl Dixon.

* Daryl and Rosita’s friendship is one of the better things we’ve had in s11. I love their dynamic

* Eugene telling Daryl that he is not leaving without his love…👀👀… idk man I’m gonna remember this scene just incase it’s a bit of foreshadowing

* What an odd zoom in shot. But this place the road group are holding up at seems pretty cool.

* LYDIA MY GIRL I LOVE YOU. You bag that sweet boy and don’t let him go. Don’t feel guilty about it

* Im actually enjoying seeing Aaron in a bad mood. Nothing better than seeing the placid nice guy get irritated.

* Pamela, just kill him. I don’t care that your son was a monster of your own making. He was a twat.

* HEY PRINCESS WELCOME BACK. And yes girl you protect your friend. I get Mercer is doing his job and he doesn’t owe our group anything at all but like COME ON MAN.

* “I don’t think I can, again, you know” I know that Aaron is thinking about a) losing Eric and b) losing his chance at happiness with Jesus in this moment

* AARON MY MAN IM SOBBING. “I’d do anything to take back one of those no’s just to have one more day together” IM OUT IM OUT

* NAH NAH NOT CLIMBING WALKERS? Now?!? Really?!! Okay

* “He would’ve been ashamed of you” yes girl drag him

* NOT EUGENE TRYING TO SQUARE UP TO DARYL IM DEAD. Nah the second hand embarrassment from this scene I am cringing so hard. Daryl has had enough of his shit and knows that Eugene to his core won’t be the one to put himself on the line, it’s his survival strategy

* Daryl is a better man than me. It still shocks me how level headed Daryl has become

* YES YOU DO DESERVE MORE PRINCESS. I love her and Zekes little bond too

* Lance is actually an interesting character but like… why are they making him such a bottom I’m crying

* Princesses trauma is so fucking heartbreaking. I love her. And yes, yes it should be better.

* “Because of what happened to me- when I see a man, I see a monster” I think every woman can relate to that line to some degree Jesus Christ that hit hard

* Hell nah this music with walkers approaching Aaron and Lydia is so creepy

* Jerrys fight scene is amazing. Very cool

* Hell nah these ain’t whisperers Aaron

* IVE NOT BEEN THIS ON EDGE FOR A WALKER SCENE IN SO LONG!! JERRY BEHIND YOU

* USING DOORKNOBS, CLIMBING LADDERS, PICKING UP ROCKS?!!! I’m out

* I’m thinking the same thing Jerry, how the hell did a Walker do that

* I absolutely love the idea of different types of walkers but at this late stage? All I can think is that they’re introducing the idea here and will explore it more in one of the spin offs because there’s not enough time to unpack all of that

* KING JERRY YES GIVE IT TO ME. And the fact he instantly said “Queen Nabila?” That man is so pure.

* ROSITA AND EUGENES GOODBYE BEING SO SIMILAR TO EUGENE AND ABRAHAMS IS KILLING ME. This is really the end huh?

* Okay the passing on Eugenes necklace thingy for Coco made me more emotional that I thought I ever could be toward Eugene

* Mercer realising that Eugene is being braver than he is

* WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK. Who are these guys jumping Rosita

Preview for 11x20

* Caryl heavy ep LETS GOOOOOOO!

* Daryl sounded so afraid when he was telling Carol that they took the children. I’m so ready for them to light shit up and get their babies back

This ep was probs my least fave so far but I didn’t hate it. Not a massive fan of Eugene and he was quite central to this ep so that’s probably why. Super excited for next week

[sapphicmemos]

I posted 248 times in 2022

That's 91 more posts than 2021!

36 posts created (15%)

212 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@buckleyxwheeler

@el-fandom-birb

@rxally-borxng

@timesnewronance

@ronancebuckley

I tagged 108 of my posts in 2022

#ronance - 57 posts

#robin buckley - 9 posts

#nancy wheeler - 9 posts

#the ronance brainrot is real - 8 posts

#stranger things - 6 posts

#ronance fic - 4 posts

#lgbt - 3 posts

#the owl house spoilers - 3 posts

#robin x nancy - 3 posts

#sapphicmemos reviews! - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#like nancy can’t flirt to save her life but robin just does (sometimes without meaning to) and nancy is like oh my flirting is working

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Nancy Wheeler Characters: Robin Buckley, Nancy Wheeler, Steve Harrington Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Jealous Nancy Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler Has a Crush on Robin Buckley, Robin Buckley Has a Crush on Nancy Wheeler, how do i project on the both of them at the same time, Not Beta Read, who the fuck do i give this to beta read like???, i hav a playlist dedicated to this fic im writing, i have no posting schedule. sorry., Mentioned Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, theyre breaking up later bc they are both gay <3, Oblivious Nancy Wheeler, Oblivious Robin Buckley, hehehehehehe Summary:

it’s not necessarily that she wants to like, own robin or anything. it’s just moments like these - when guys are blatantly flirting with the girl and she makes no move to acknowledge it - she feels the slight urge to grab the girl’s arm and drag her away to where no one can see her, except nancy herself.

she feels something, like some heat in her stomach that just makes her angry to the point of screaming and crying. but if she confronts any part of these feelings that is an entire can of worms she’ll have to open up and she’s not ready to deal with that in the middle of a store, family video at that.

or

nancy wheeler doesn't get jealous. but the thought of other people trying to flirt with robin does rub her the wrong way.

35 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#4

no words. i’m not gonna say a word. but i will go fully delusional if i don’t get a robin and nancy scene.

90 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#3

gf that starts a petty debate/argument over nothing just to see what the other is gonna do and gf who falls for it everytime.

92 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#2

y’all netflix argentina is my new best friend

they’re feeding into my delusions <3

167 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i like the idea that nancy cannot cook at fucking all like she just cannot cook while robin somehow always makes a fucking gourmet meal.

like the reason nancy sucks is because she’s too scared of over seasoning or overcooking or doing literally anything wrong in the kitchen. like it gives her extreme anxiety. she actually made plans to either date/marry someone who can cook or depend on eating out for the rest of her life.

and robin gets so bored sometimes she just fuckjng taught herself. like her parents were working late and she was like 11 in the house by herself and they left no food for her and she doesn’t have the money to order out so she just fucking winged it and cooked for herself with whatever’s in the kitchen.

i wanna say like before they started dating nancy somehow ended up saying that she cannot cook to save her life and robin’s like “i’ll teach you! it’s honestly easier than you think! :D” and nancy doesn’t know how to tell robin it’s more likely with the both of them in the kitchen it’s more likely that everything ends up on fire

so they do this thing where they both cook the same dish for the other to try and robins literally trying to get her to let loose in the kitchen and nancy is just so fuckjng worried and robin is like “im not gonna hate you if you put a little bit more pepper than what’s recommended” but nancy is like robin is so nice for lying to my face about this she’s so sweet

so they eat each others food and nancy is like this fucking amazing and robin is just like “nancy you took this off the stove way too early but beside that it’s fine” (she’s slightly lying, but she doesn’t mind teaching nancy how to cook and trust herself with non emergency things) and nancy is barely listening because all she’s thinking is about how great robin is and she’s a great cook???? she’s all like ‘oh if robin was single (because how could robin not be dating someone it’s robin she’s amazing) and if i were a guy i’d propose to her right in this moment’

nancy later realizes that that was not a platonic thought to have about a Very Platonic™ best friend of hers

idk i might put this in the jealous nancy fic (WHICH IM FINISHING THE FIRST CHAPTER OF ISTG ITS JUST THAT DANCE IS A LOT RN)

425 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

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[taxfraudhousewife]

hey toga it’s me again

holy shit every time i open instagram and see motaz post literally anything i tweak the fuck out

i come from there to here to cry to you again

he makes me think of you

these parasocial nothings are all i have of you

except for one

i met a boy who makes me think of you

as you can see israel has completely fucking shattered my psyche

i’m crushing on boys who make me think of you

it’s bad

i know

but anyway i come from there to here to cry to you again

i always do that

i wish i could show you every concerning gaza update

i wish you’d whisk them away with educated faith

im not ready to watch it by myself

it feels worse than crimea and donetsk

worse than kashi

worse than albion

i knew existence was supposed to be terrible and unfair

i thought it was the natural order of things to suck

how many times can i claim ITS NOT FAIR

before i have to grow callouses in the wrong places

it’s not fair

there is nothing more powerful than a white girl clawing for long unappreciated privilege

little more powerful than a white girl who knows her privilege intimately

if they want a white womans tears i will give it to them

i’ve never been muslim enough or chinese enough

but i will always be white enough

(until they decide im not)

they will regret the day they made me white

i’ll never be you but i promise to be worse

i will be the hyper specific weapon that is saskatchewan ukrainian

i’ll swallow every ounce of pain that comes with looking like what i’ll never be

i’ll turn myself on your enemies cause i’m related to mine

and breathe fire

cause making art is hard and i am so tired

i don’t think i’m capable of making something out of anything other than pain

i couldn’t sing about you til i assumed you were dead

couldn’t draw the motherland til i knew id never see it

i didn’t even know i could draw until i tried to draw how much it hurt

didn’t know i had pretty words til i tried to write about how much it hurt

but this is not a pain i can turn into art

i have tried and you might know it

if you hear my prayers you know my words are heavy and horrible and schizophrenic

you know that every poem is just the same lines in different orders

i miss you

you’re the only one who understands

i’m angry and reactionary and no better than them

you’re the only one who can point me in the right direction

i’m shitting my fucking pants watching an extinction event

you’re the only one who can save the world

only it wasn’t you so it has to be me

but you’re the only one who could’ve ever made me capable of saving the world

[ozziebaker]

I'm scared

I've been through and seen enough in my life that it has left me numbed to the sheer violence and tragedy of it all. I've thought for years now that when the time comes, I'll be ready.

It wasn't some macho bravado bullshit, it really felt that way. And the things that have happened, I reacted that way. I hate to say it, because it sounds so cheesy and like... I'm not trying to seem cool i swear I'm being real right now, im in such a bad place that I've no energy or care to try to seem cool. So I'll say it like it is because it's my truth:

I've stared into the eyes of death, and I've felt nothing.

especially after that accident in 2019, when the towing was picking up the truck I was driving after it smashed into the wall... I was looking at the twisted metal. and as a mechanic, i KNEW what kind of force it took to do that. I KNEW, and i had other people tell me... that i was lucky to get out with nothing. nothing.

And i think that's when i knew that something was very wrong with me. because i didn't care. i looked at the wreck, and i knew that i couldn't give a fuck if i had died inside that thing.

literally four hours later i was back on the road. i didn't stop. because it didn't matter - my life didn't matter. and when two weeks later the spare truck caught fire inside the cab, while i was driving, my sincere reaction was annoyance. Life man. it keeps getting in the way.

I've been close to death, and i stayed calm, i did what i had to do and i survived. but the stakes were so low. it didn't fucking matter to me

but now. im scared. i think for one of the first times in my life, I'm really fucking terrified. because this isn't some job, or an accident, or some stupid idea of mine. it's me. I'm going to be the one to take my life. and I'm scared because i know that I'm capable. i know that my actions won't be a cry for help, or an impulse decision. it'll be a carefully executed maneuver. I'm a fucking mechanic ain't I? i know how to build, how to modify, how things function. i know how to properly attach a rope and how thick it has to be so it doesn't break and i know how to calculate for the drop.

and it's terrifying. to share my body, my skills, this obstinate and ruthless mind, all that made me a good technician, someone who gets. the. fucking. job. DONE. to cohabitate. with someone who can and probably will murder me. myself.

because he's weighted the pros and the cons. he's looked at the data: years of memories and experiences. and he's come to the conclusion that it's just not worth it. it's too much pain, too much humiliation, too much compromise. he thinks it's enough. he thinks it's been enough for awhile now. and he's a solutions guy. he has to act, thats what he's been trained for his entire life. fix things.

i can't be fixed. I was born defective. came off the assembly line with faulty parts. and you know what mechanics do when the diagnose a piece of machinery with a manufacturing defect? they scrap it.

I'm scared. I'm so alone and there won't be anyone or anything that can stop me. And I'm so fed up and so tired. I know that there's a way to end the pain. to dix this situation. i know i can do it.

And suddenly, i don't want to die. I want to hang on, please, I'm begging, just give me something, anything to hold on to

but i cant find the thing. everything keeps slipping through my hands. and im scared because i can feel the patience running out, and i dont know when but soon, soon it's going to be too late.

[jenanddomo]

1.10.23

wackass day ever fr. i cant even fuckin listen to tame impala n lana del rey the same bc i fucking breakdown crying. i hate crying so much especially rn bc it just keeps getting worse. i hate myself so much bc i really did let myself go, i fr gave too much love. i cant believe he likes another girl bruh.. like its makin me question everything. are they messing ard? does his bsf know? are they even gon get together? idk why he likes her or how tf he even caught feelins for her i just feel so fuckin disgusting. i just wan throw up. what does she even have that i dont. i just feel like i got thrown aside so fast..it happen so fast? was he ready to move on already? all those notes he put on insta was for her. hints was for her , i hate myself for being delusional.

i was so damn delusional. i feel so damn weak rn bruh i just cant do nothing anymore. just lookin at everything makes me cry. everything reminds me of him n i just hate it. i dont want to go to school tmr but it just sucks cause i have a stupid test tmr.

i just cant believe he caught feelings for you.. like i fr won the i love you more argument i never hoed after fr. loyal asf but i just wan know what the fuck does she have that i dont.

it screwed me up

it screwed my head

i thought i was enough

but clearly i wasnt n i was just being delusional

i always looked at the good part

i need to accept the bad part

i cant do this

i miss him already

i love him so much but ik damn well he doesn’t feel the same. i just want to know whyy?

why do u like her?

why wasnt i enough?

it sucks cause im never fuckin enough for any1

i thought for once

he was the loml n i would make it work

i thought i was ur everything

im not

im not

im not

i cant sleep

i cant sleep when my emotions are this bad

she fr was the other woman, i always had bad vibes from her n boom it happened , i cant believe it. tf yall gon do esex? fr gettin on my nerves , im so mad n sad at the same time . but im mostly mad at myself

i wish i can just go back in time n never get in that relationship. i fr got too attached, he was my everything. i would literally wait for him to wake up just so i can talk to him bc i loved talkin to him n only him. i cant believe i thought he would do the same for me. he prob waited for her , he prob texted her faster, that sucks knowing that?

it sucks

i keeep crying

i need to get over him

but my heart n head just wants him

i cant even like

say wrong time right person

it was just wrong

that sucks

i just wanted to be his

i wanted to be his everything

i wanted to be his wife n cook for him n actually do stuff for

i wanted to grow old with him

i love him so much

i love him more than myself

he was the only guy that made me truly happy even when we werent together, he was the only one that kind of understood me , he let me ramble , he was perfect but igz

i wasnt for him

anyways

peggy hill worst character in king of hill

[floralbfs]

I AM LITERALLY GOING TO FUCKING DIE

[magical-frogwitch]

Fez x Lexi

“Damn Lexi, you’re google.”

“What- I mean you think?”

“Hell yeah.”

Lexi blushed at the given compliment from Fezco. The two had frequent long discussions at the gas station. Although Fez was trying to organize a business while Lexi doing homework. The two found great company from each other.

Fezco started as he was being handed forty dollars from a frequent customer, “Lexi at this point im going to be shocked as hell from you not knowing something than being a literal prodigy.”

Lexi begin to smile harder, cheeks getting redder. “I don’t think I know everything.”

“Maybe, but you’re one of the smartest people I know.” Fez smiled to her and politely thanked his customer from buying off of him.

The two started at each other’s eyes enjoying each other’s face when suddenly Lexi looked away and focused her attention on the floor. Fez took that as maybe continuing to work however Lexi wasn’t tapping away at her keyboard but staring worriedly at the floor.

Wanting to know the problem Fez stopped from what he was doing and focused on the brunette. “What’s up lex?”

“Oh nothing, just can’t believe I’m friends with a leprechaun.” Lexi answered with a forced out giggle.

Fez proceeded to laugh at one of her jokes but then shook his head. “Nah I’m being serious. Is someone fucking with you?”

Remembering Fez beating the shit out of Nate she furiously shook her head and said a bit louder than needed a “No”.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Lexi had a huge problem. Everyone seemed to ditch her and get bored of her one way or the other. So she can’t help but want to spend so much time with them before they leave again. She’s not blaming Rue for her now attachment issues. Believe me she’s not, more people than Rue had ditched her. It’s rather an explanation of why she’s like this.

She bit her lip. Dug her nails on the palms of her hand. Looked down feeling guilty than ever. “Am I clingy?”

“Nah. Trust me I wish you and I talk more often.”

“Are you going to leave me soon?”

Fez’s eyes widen. His mouth slightly in an “o” like shape. “No. Lex why are you asking me that?”

Lexi tilted her head up, trying hardest not to cry. And proceeded to ramble, “Everyone seems to leave one way or the other. Sometimes I feel like I’m a weight on their shoulders or I’m like a huge burden. It hurts you know. Like I love all of my friends so much but why do they seem to leave yet want me when they need something. Am I the problem-“

Cutting her off Fez got up and hugged Lexi. Soothed her back, lightly pressed her head down on his shoulders, and allowed her to sob and sob and sob until she was ready to be let go.

“You’re not the problem Lex, I promise you’re not.” He whispered to her making her sob louder.

“Thank you Fez. Thank you so much.” Lexi sobbed.

He whispered, “You’re wrong I should be thanking you.”

[prettyboykatsuki]

am i warm enough for you?

➳ tags ;; soulmate au, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst but mostly fluff, some-what canon compliant, bakugo katsuki is bad at feelings, lots of Feelings™, you guys are adults but the end of the fic but the fic is sfw, alcohol, drunk confessions

➳ wc ;; 5.6k..

➳ plot summary ;; you see your soulmate in dreams - sometimes in bits and pieces and other times in full. bakugo is less than inclined to admit he even has a soulmate - and you learn how to cope with it, one day at a time.

bakugo learns that this soulmate shit is no joke. that has to be why he keeps falling for you so helplessly.

➳ a/n ;; i wasn’t even gonna comeback this early but it felt so wrong not to post on my bfs birthday so alas </3 for anyone who cares to know this is @elysianseraph but with my new url. nice to see u all <3

this was originally posted on 4/20 but im reposting cause it didn’t show up in the tags dskjds

It’s hazy.

A cloud of smoke settles over your body, permeating your lung. It smells like sugar, like burning, like smoke and a little like leather. You can feel your toes curl and your hands moving but your body is separate from you in a way you can’t describe. It’s a pleasant kind of warmth that spreads, creeping up from behind your neck till it’s soft and cradling your skull. It’s soft like the touch of a mother, like wool over your ears.

It’s a pleasant feeling, that’s all. Almost cozy but there’s a fading sense of distress that chills in your lungs as you encompass it. Your hands are too small to reach forward, and truthfully the sensation is so powerful that you’re afraid to reach out. You’re 6 years old, so all you know is how it makes you feel. You can’t remember many details, but you feel pleasant. Something about it is soft, but there’s a sharp edge right at the end that has your lungs gasping for air.

It’s a flash of colors. Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red. Orange. Red.

And then it fades into a feeling again. A blurry feeling. You feel conflict, then concern, then inadequacy in heavy waves almost like it’s drowning you. It’s the first time you’ve experienced such a pain, so your wailing and wiping tears away with chubby fingers and saying a name you don’t know and can’t remember.

Ka. You know the sound, Ka. But you don’t know of anything more. It repeats rhythmically in your mind like a knock on the door, rapping with urgency - but it doesn’t do anything to jog your memory. Someone is trying to be let in but you don’t know how to answer them, and you’re still crying. The distress, the inadequacy shakes you and all you feel is frustration in short simple bursts.

Your first encounter with your soulmate is written this way in your memory. A sense of urgency laced with frustration - but they’re not towards you. It’s him, his feelings - you can feel them even deeper then he can. They pierce you in a way that makes it hard to breathe, no matter how you try to escape them it’s an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. The only way to escape the feelings of a dream is either to control them, or to face them and swim through the fog.

Soulmates have an urgency to them, in general. His is different, you can tell as much. Your first soulmate dream leaves the heaviest impression and each one thereafter is like pieces of a puzzle.

Sometimes you simply share random dreams, like a split screen in a video game - the two of you witness different parts of the same dreamverse. Other times, and honestly - most times, you’re experiencing their emotions or feelings. You experience their core memories, their life, in flashes and bits and pieces.

It’s not enough to know them or who they are, it’s like know everything about them except the things that matter

Sometimes you meet too. Just barely.

MEETING 1:

The room is white. When you blink, colors flash in order - red, pale yellow, orange, forest green and you know. You blink a few more times, stretching your hands out in front of yourself. Curling your hands into fist then into stretched palms, you lean forward and stretch. You wriggle your toes - notice you're wearing shoes. Clothes from your closet. Strange.

You take a look around the room but there isn't much to see. There’s a wall in front of you with a glass divider and a mirrored empty room. The room across from yours has spiky decor littered against the walls. An orange dresser, plastic grenades and play guns. You know who it is without a second warning - and a foggy part in the back of your head tells you that it’s him, again but with more force. You don’t see anything in your room, but you figure he might. All of it is confusing to you.

Before you can blink, there’s a loud thud coming from the other side of the glass. It’s a silhouette, the outline of a face - but nothing clear. Dream logic dictates you can’t know a face you’ve never seen, yet somehow you know his outline. Spiky, he’s spiky everywhere.

“Hello?,” you call out, overly tentative. The figure pauses, seems to take in whatever they must be seeing. You’re not sure what response you’re expecting, really. There’s no expectations at all.

“...Who the fuck are you?,” says a pitchy, male voice. He sounds like he’s your same age, a highschool boy. His throat is rough, yet not overly deep. It’s almost scratchy.

“Uhm,”

You’re not sure how to reply. You can see him through the glass, but not really. Still, you take note of his shadows like they’re going to tell you anything more. You shove your hands in your pockets, messing around with something inside.

“Uh.. your soulmate, I think,” you reply.

Scratching the back of your neck as an awkward silence settles, you take a few minutes to try and figure what more to say.

“We met when we were kids once too,” you explain awkwardly. He must know, has too - this soulmate thing is a two way thing, but his silence is deafening. You just want to feel this space. Is it always this awkward?

“Red. Orange. Pale Yellow. Forest Green,” you repeat, like a mantra. You hear him take in a sharp breath, and freeze. For some reason, you’d like to avoid upsetting him. He doesn’t seem like he’s taking to the information too well.

“I don’t have time for this damn bullshit… whatever quirk you’ve got to mimic this - cut it the fuck out,”

Hostile.

You pause, not sure how to feel. Half of you is offended, the other half is confused - had you done something to upset him? You can feel how he feels - but you don’t understand it. You sit with your mouth agape, like a fish out of water. Unsure of how to proceed, you scoff a little.

“Woah.. this isn’t a quirk thing. We’re.. soulmates? That’s already a thing,”

More silence. You’ve.. he doesn’t seem upset, but you can tell he’s not all that keen to the idea. It’s a bare minimum improvement that you find yourself valuing, without your consent. He breathes again, throat even more hoarse than before. His voice is angry but it doesn’t fit his responses, his feelings - so you don’t pay attention to his madness. Something is off.

“... I’m not supposed to have a soulmate. No fucking way I have a soulmate,” he grits. You step back, stumbling. You didn’t have any expectations.. but this wasn’t what you had been expecting at all. You feel uneasy, sick. It must be a shared feeling if the way he leans against a wall counts for anything.

A beat of silence passes before you open your mouth to speak.

“... I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that,” you admit. He scoffs.

“Nothing you damn extra. Leave me the fuck alone,”

You don’t reply, too stunned. This was your soulmate? This.. asshole? Not that you were a peach entirely either, but this was supposedly the person that the universe had decided for you?

You shake your head. Maybe you’re just being rash? He could be a nice guy behind all the chaos. You try your best to hold onto that, that this was literally someone chosen for you before you gave up all hope. You sigh, cracking your neck.

“You can say whatever you want but.. we’re here, you know? It’s more productive to just go with it.. isn’t it?,”

“Go fuck yourself,”

“After meeting you, I’m not exactly over the fucking moon about it either. It is what is,”

“You’re not my fucking.. soulmate or whatever the fuck. Leave me alone,”

Your heart both aches with anger and sadness. You don’t know what to do. What does this shit-head know about you, anyway? You know he’s been through some shit, same as you - what makes him so entitled? You swallow the lump in your throat. It hurts. It pierces. Stupid soulmate bonds.

“Yeah? Alright. Fuck you too,”

You see him pace around for a longer before he disappears in a cloud of smoke. You didn’t even catch his name, and you’re not sure you wanted too. It must be morning, but at least you're away from him. It feels lonely, but it must just be you.

Your eyes flutter open but your heart is heavy with regret. You don’t know who it belongs to, but you’ve got class in an hour and not enough time to think about it. If he doesn’t want to meet you that’s fine.

It’s fine. Not like you wanted to meet your soulmate anyway.

__

You don’t have another meeting with your soulmate for months. Lately your dreams have little if anything to do with him or where he is, how he’s been. You have some of those split screen ones, where you know he’s there but neither of you acknowledge each other, even in spirit, like how you did before. When you wake up feeling angsty, you don’t know how to distinguish the feeling but you don’t try.

You wonder idly if he can feel your apathy, if he cares enough too. Maybe he also mistakes it for his own? It seems likely.

It’s a weekday where you’re getting ready for remedial classes at your school. First year advanced courses were no joke, and you find yourself regretting your choice to participate in them.

Still you get dressed anyway, put your uniform on and brush your teeth - wash your face with your eyes half open and look presentable. No one's home in the morning, the house is empty of any life but you. Food becomes a last minute priority, so you make an egg sandwich with cheese and eat it on the way to the train station.

You stare down at your feet as you step outside, music drowning out the noise of your surroundings aptly. The walk to the station is long and the ride is longer, but the streets are packed edge to edge. Musutafu is busy this time of year - the U.A. Sports Festival is taking place today and everything seems to reflect that. You barely manage to squeeze past all the strangers on the subway - clearly on their way to see it.

When you get to school, you're greeted by a mostly empty classroom with a teacher. These classes were straightforward as always, do the work you need to correct, have it approved and leave. It repeats until your finished with all the assignments and you get to be done. You give a respectful nod to your teacher before grabbing your work from your bag.

It goes on and on - occasionally, you hear an excited gasp and quiet chatter from classmates. It’s about the festival, the happenings - but you’re too caught up in completing your work that day and trying to get the fuck out of their as soon as possible.

Shit like that didn’t matter to you, anyways. It’s just a festival.

You leave around the same time the festival seems to have ended, the streets flooded with people - you miss the first station and wander towards an electronics store a block away from your highschool.

It’s the winners on TV. A guy with split hair - Shouto Todoroki, Endeavors son. A guy with a bird head, and a blonde with red eyes - muzzled to the pole.

When you see them, your heart stops. You can feel anger, an unfamiliar rage and humiliation building in your chest. It feels the word has stopped as you watch from afar, through screens. Your soulmate seems upset about something, but you wouldn’t know what.

And that blonde on TV, you wonder if you know him from somewhere.

MEETING 2:

Red.Orange. Pale Yellow. Grey. Black. Forest Green. Red. Red.

You feel him before you even know what’s happening - and it catches you completely off-guard. You haven’t had a proper soulmate dream in two years. Smoke clouds your lungs, the taste of sugar burning your tongue as you cough yourself into awareness. This time, you’re not in a room but it’s a campground. In the middle of the space is a bonfire, burning warmly. This one feels more vivid, more real.

But you know it’s not, your body feel unusually light and your hands can’t hold anything for too long. You know it’s a dream, but you sit in the chair anyway. It feels like you're floating. You feel oddly warm. Dread builds in the pit of your stomach. Even though it’s been so long since you’ve spoken to your soulmate - you can’t forget the terrible first encounter. It sticks to the roof of your mouth - a bitter memory that fills you with unexplainable, irrational resentment.

But it’s not like you hadn’t been seeing him, to an extent. You’ve seen all his memories in bits and pieces - all of them tragic and painful. This time, you see people but they come in the form of small scraps. Spiky Red. Electricity. Tape. Pink with Horns. Music. Green. So much green and red - like Christmas, you’ve called it. You’ve seen disappearances, fear, anguish - so much anguish.

In the weeks after All Might’s fall, you were in so much pain - you couldn’t stop crying for days. It’s been enough time to know what feelings were yours and which were his - and these ones felt so much like him. It went on for nearly a year - you’d almost got accustomed to it. If tears showed up to blot the ink of your lecture notes, you didn’t think twice about it. You tried to keep yourself calm, steady - in hopes you could lend your soothing to him. Even if he hated your guts, you could barely believe so much sadness could exist in one person. You didn’t know what happened but whatever it was - it must’ve been terrible. At the very least, you felt sympathy.

Sympathy was enough to get by for a long time. A neutral, level-headed sympathy that helped soothe some of your own hurt.

All that said, you were hardly expecting to see him again - especially not this soon. You don’t remember the last time you thought about him in anything other than passing - actively. It’s one thing to know what's happening - you’ve felt him passively everyday for damn near two years.

But it’s another thing to see him in front of you, force yourself to acknowledge him as your soulmate even if he insists on not doing the same.

You squirm in your chair, noticing that you’re wearing PJ’s instead of clothes. Just a hoodie and sweats, none of which fit you quite right. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fiddling with the stray strand of thread loose.

“What the fuck is this shit?,”

Your stomach drops. Unsure of what to say, you opt to say nothing at all. Just let him be, sit quietly in your dreams and mind your business. Maybe he’ll wake up soon and it’ll all be over.

You can’t see him from the corner of your vision but you can hear him shuffle. The way he touches things, noticing how they make noise but don’t feel quite right in his hands. How it feels real but doesn’t, how it is real and isn’t. Surely, he’s noticed you by now. The lingering silence makes you squirm.

“...It’s you,”

You flinch, lifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze. His expression is unreadable, but it’s different from before. In a fleeting moment, something occurs to you.

You can see him. What he looks like. Blonde with red eyes, and a sharp chin and thin waist. You know it must mean you’ve seen him before - perhaps you’d even seen each other, but for your life you can’t remember where you’ve seen his face. It’s right there, on the edge of your mind, but you’re stumped.

“Hello?,”

“Oh,” your reply comes short, strained. Your eyes flutter as you press your lips into a flat line. “Uh, hi,”

The blonde sits in the chair, slumping down. His eyes go towards the flickering flames without another word and you decide it’s best not to engage. It stays like that for a while, a beat of silence - not awkward but not comfortable, passing by without another thought. It all feels real, present - not like normal dreams. This must be the special kind of soulmate thing you find yourself feeling resentful towards.

His eyes are heavy. Relief is overwhelming him, with an iron grip and he’s worried you can feel it. If you can, you don’t say a word.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,”  he admits.

The words sound tender passing through his mouth, unmistakably so - but you don’t get your hopes up. Instead, you give him a placating laugh, leaning forward towards the fire and mirroring him.

“I didn’t think so either,”

When it falls silent, it feels comfortable. It’s not like either of you have anything to say to each other right now, with no manual on how this was supposed to go. If he even wanted to go there.

“I can.. see you,” you start. He squints.

“You couldn’t before?,”

This takes you by surprise. You shake your head.

“No..Could you? See me, I mean?,”

Bakugo feels heat rise to his skin. Oh. Huh.

“Yeah,” he replies, a sharp inhale leaving his lungs “I can see you,”

There’s something tense in the air. It’s a strange sensation - to know the deepest and most intimate parts of someone without even knowing their name proper, or where they went to school, or what they normally eat for breakfast. All that connects you are these mutual feelings, shared grief that holds you two to the title of soulmates. This odd bond.

“..d’ya still think I’m a quirk wielding villain?,” you laugh, or try too - you’re doing your best to cut the tension. He can feel your hurt all the way from your sit, so deep in his gut - it’s been haunting him for years. How many nights of sleep he’s lost knowing there are soft and helpless tears coming from these suppressed feelings. He doesn’t know how to say sorry, so he sighs and rubs the back of his neck. He’s changed a lot in two years - but not enough to be good at this.

“No, I don’t,”

“Oh,”

He smiles, just a little. It’s gentle, casts shadow on his face from the light of the fire. It’s warm, everything feels warm and better and invigorating. When you look at him and his uneasy expression - you know he feels it too.

“By the way, uhm - what’s your name? Ka.. something? Right?,”

His eyes shoot up in surprise. He nods a little.

“Katsuki Bakugo,” he replies, expectantly. You seem surprised that he wants to know yours.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” comes your reply.

“Nice to meet you,” says him, Bakugo - your soulmate.

“Nice to meet you too,”

__

Getting to know Bakugo is unusually easy. You get the feeling it wouldn’t be, in the case that you were anything but soulmates - but Bakugo has never known being this intimate with someone other than you. Despite himself, how much he hates himself - you never seem too. Even though you feel and see all the ugliest parts of him - have since he was small enough to still be innocent, you always treat him the same.

Your conversations are short, and shallow. Regardless, he’s not used to talking so much about himself. But you’re always curious, so much so Bakugo doesn’t have the heart to see your countless questions go unanswered.

You keep a little notebook of all of your encounters. You remember them by heart but write them down too, just in case you miss something. You ask about his friends - Spiky Red and Soft Green, referring to them that way even after you’ve known their names. You ask about his work - the life of a dangerous hero, and if he ever gets nervous flying through the air.

Admittedly, he’s mean to you. He teases you so frequently, he’s lost count of all the times you’ve huffed and puffed at his sarcastic remarks. Still, you never turn away from him. You stand with your foot down and your arms crossed over your chest - insistent on making him feel flustered too. And it works, somehow - because you know all too much about Bakugou and always gets him right where he’s most conscious about. You don’t have to tease him about his feelings since you know them like the palms of your hand.

But these shallow conversations always mean a little more to him that he knows how to verbalize, and half the time he doesn’t need to do that at all. You’ve learned the masterful of working around him quietly, making all the parts of that feel too big to love - something small and fragile. Somehow, you’ve made being with him, even as friends - feel like less of an impossible feat but a dream.

Katsuki Bakugo has been in love with you since he was 6 years old. There must be some feelings we cannot share with our soulmates, because he has no idea if you feel it or not. He just knows he does, somewhere deep in the cavern of his heart, he loves you.

You never cross the barrier of romance with him, though. A paralyzing fear seems to settle in your bones when you breach too close to love and intimacy - and Bakugo understands those feelings, even if he doesn’t know exactly why they’re there. It’s not something you’ve decided to tell him yet, but he feels it in the same way he feels your loneliness. You may be kind but you’re more guarded than he is, and not fearless but reckless.

But he still finds himself aching to love and be loved by you, no matter how much he hates it. The yearning still manages to swallow him, even late into the night.

MEETING 3:

It’s been a while since your last meeting with Bakugo but not long. You were 21 now, but your dream visits were frequent. When you weren't speaking or seeing him through dreams - you were watching him on TV. You’d been yet to meet with him in real life but to you, that was okay. Seeing him like this had been more than enough.

Today was different. Normally, that bonfire was always a back-drop to these little encounters but it was a field today - a filed with rolling hills and hundreds of flowers and tall grass that made you feel itchy. The sun was permanently stuck right before it set but it was so warm everywhere. When you get there, there’s a blanket on the top of one of the hills. You sit on it cautiously and watch the wind pass. Everything is tinged orange, and red - you know he’s there with you before he appears.

When he does, he seems different. You glance over at him as he stumbles towards you in a stupor, and when he does finally sit - you get a whiff of alcohol coming from his neck and mouth. It’s strong enough to make a little dizzy. Blinking owlishly, he sits crisscross besides you, staring a little at the surroundings.

“..the fuck?,” he slurs. You can’t help but break out into a laugh. He nearly falls over, body swaying so you bring his head down to your shoulder wordlessly, a furious heat running all over your skin. Even though you can’t feel him, the gesture makes you feel something in your belly.

“Why’re you so drunk?,”

“Birthday,” he mumbles. Your eyes widen in surprise. Bakugo is seemingly unfazed, eyes drooping with tiredness. He’s completely inebriated.

You feel yourself grow tender. You’d have to wake up and remember the days date. Despite all the times you’ve met, you had no clue about his birthday or how he celebrated. You feel your heart ache at the idea you’ve spent the latter half of it together, in your own way.

“Happy Birthday, Bakugo.”

“Bakugo this, Bakugo that,” he growls, a little incoherent “We’re supposed to be fucking soulmates and you still call me by that.. damn name.”

He hiccups a little as you sit there stunned. You blink.

“.. You think of us as soulmates?,”

“Are you some kind of moron?,”

You scowl, flicking his forehead with your thumb and forefinger. He makes a noise of indignance.

“Well, how would I know? When we first met, you didn’t seem enthused about it,”

Bakugo sighs tiredly.

“I was 15 and an asshole - clearly I don’t fuckin’ feel that anymore,”

You seem surprised again.

“..You don’t?,”

Instead of swearing at you, he closes his eyes and gets closer to you. The liquor runs through his system like liquid courage and he nods a little.

“Not at all,”

“What do you..”

“What do you think I mean?,” he barks a laugh. You feel your pulse under your skin, drumming against your chest like a hammer. You can’t even breathe.

You’ve had feelings for Bakugo from the second proper meeting you’d had with him. It was clear as a day that he was your soulmate for good reason, that inexplicable draw that kept your heart from ever belonging to anyone else. You tried to - tried to go on dates and see other opportunities through but he was always so one of a kind.

Yet, you’d given up all hope that it would mean anything to harbor these feelings, convinced that Bakugo simply wasn’t interested in you In doing any of this. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want - so you kept your distance with hope that he’d still be in your life. It was enough, or you’d wanted it to be.

It’d be a lie to say that you hadn’t started thinking about it more and more as the days pass. What it would be like to see him, touch him and love him and be with him for real - these passive daydreams gone vivid. If he could see your dreams, he must know about them. But you didn’t know how to approach it - how to approach love at all.

That’s the thing with soulmates. You’re told that you’ll just have the answers, destiny will do the hard work but that’s far from true. Because even now, with Bakugo leaning  on your shoulder with this confession lingering in the air - you don’t know what to do.

“Stop being so nervous,” he mumbles. You stumble a little over yourself.

“Sorry,”

He chuckles.

“You really need me to say it, huh?,” he sighs. He picks himself. If he’s drunk and reckless, then fuck it - he’s gonna take it all the way. He drops his head onto your lap with a tired sigh.

“I think you’re my soulmate, you fuckin’ idiot,” he admits.

And it’s hard to say, because feelings don’t come easy for Bakugo Katsuki - but it’s the least he can do. All Bakugo Katsuki has ever known is to be lonely. It’s a loneliness that he’d forced on himself. Bottling up all the anger and sadness and swallowing it. It’s long since sunk it’s claws into him. That overwhelming, all consuming ugly feeling that lingers underneath that superiority complex.

That no one would ever, could ever love the ugliness that lingers in him. That no one who knew him for what he truly is, could care for him. Deku was the first of many disbeliefs and not much had changed.

Except for when it did. Except for when he met you - in a dream, and you were real and beautiful even at 15. That the universe hadn’t been playing some sick joke on him when he kept seeing you in his dreams, so soothing to his teenage loneliness. You were real and that was so fucking scary.

But you loved him anyway. Looked out for him when he was at his lowest - the soothing beat of your heart  in the days after All Mights end . When he cried himself into sleep and dreamed of you. God, how he dreamed of you. Not especially romantic dreams, but dreams of how you made breakfast. How you watched cartoons on Sunday and read manga in your classes instead of the assigned work. How you fell asleep on the train station and always ate icecream after big tests. How you were especially mundane and how he got to be apart of that everyday routine.

After all, you see dreams of each other, but Bakugo has no clue what your dreams of him look like. His have always looked like you though.

When he was worthless and empty and unable to give you anything meaningful, to apologize or put his pride away - you had loved him anyway. Felt for him with clumsy hands and held on, not letting go. Even when he was begging for you to leave him alone, in fear of this all being nothing more than a cruel dream - you held on tightly to him. With your silly notebook questions and dumb names.

Bakugo Katsuki has never known what it means to love someone who isn’t you. Even if you found someone else and there was someone better than you for him, he would grit his teeth and bear it. He wonders if he’ll ever believe he deserves you. He wants to believe you’re his soulmate - to believe you wont ever leave. To believe that he did something right enough that the universe could give him someone like you.

And he wishes he could say all this, but he can’t - he just closes his eyes and hopes you can feel it.

“You’re so mean,”

“Isn’t that why you like me?,” he grins.

And you can feel his sincerity. He should feels yours too.

“I love you, actually,”

He gasps, a sharp breath that stabs his lungs. He feels sober from the confession.

His voice is gravelly when he speaks.

“Yeah, shit - me too,”

__

Your heart beats rapidly in your chest. The address is correct, it has to be with the way this place looks. Only a hero could live here, with the floors that lead up to skies. He lives on 3rd floor, so you swallow your fear. You give yourself a thumbs up in the glass window pane of the building before entering through the doors.

When you get there, a box sits. You press the button next to his place, bouncing on the balls of your feet until you answer.

“Hello?,”

His voice feels different in real life. You  cough.

“Uh, hi,” you greet awkwardly “I’m here,”

“Oh,” he says. You hear something buzz and then him again. “Come on up,”

And you do. The elevator ride feels like it stretches mild, classic piano echoing against the empty walls. You feel yourself feel sick but you’re not sure it’s from the movement. All you can do is fidget and wait.

When the doors open, you peak your head out into the hallway. He’s the first one on the left, just as promised. You can see a welcome mat - forest green, and something in you knows that it’s the right one.

You step up and knock, three times precisely. Your heart is all the way in your ears and everything in you is filled with unease and excitement.

When the door swings open, the world stops. You gape like a fish out of water in disbelief. He’s tall and big like he promised he’d be, but you’re unprepared. His chin is scruffy, eyes full of sleep. Strong chest and arms that seem to crowd your vision, you don’t know what do.

His expression is full to the brim with feelings you’ve never seen. He steps aside with his head ducked down.

“Come in,”

“Ah.. right,”

You take your shoes off and place them in the slippers meant for you - they fit you just right, and it can’t be a coincidence. Your heart swells up a little as you take your coat off, hanging it on the rack. You can feel his eyes as they linger on your silhouette.

“So -,”

Before you can get a word out, you feel strong arms wrapped around your waist. His scruff brushes against the skin of your neck as he holds you tightly too him. The warmth of his breath lingers on your neck - and he hiccups, a sob stored in his rib cages let out with a howl. The tears blur your vision too. You can feel his drip onto your shoulder as you snivel into his neck. Your legs feel weak, but he holds you up at the door - the only thing keeping you standing.

You cling around him tightly, your nails digging into the meat of his shoulders. It’s him, your soulmate, Katsuki Bakugo. He’s real and holding you - and he smells like leather and sugar and a fireplace. He’s warm and strong and overwhelming and your crying into his shoulder with so much feeling you don’t know what to do. You hit him weakly, unsure of what do with yourself and he laughs.

“Damn you, shitty woman - makin’ me fucking cry,” but his voice is strained. It’s like something connected, how you feel each other so intimately in that moment. Not only because you’re soulmates, but because you love each other so deeply. Your heart feels heavy.

When you pull away, you manage to give him a warbly smile.

Your hands cradle his face - so handsome and wonderful. You lean forward, emboldened, and peck him. He melts into your touch like he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life. It makes you grin.

Maybe you don’t realize that he had.

He’d been waiting for you all this time.