#i want to actually cry rn tho like
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I need 2 explode actually rn. Fuck. There are so amny things i need 2 do and i dont have the. Emotional energy. To do any of them. I want to sink into my bed and hibernate but. Even that sucks. I need to explode.
Yknow what would fix me rn tho. There r a ton of things i need 2 buy. But i dont have the money 2 buy anything rn. Capitalism dying forever would fix me.
And getting some impulse control as well. And like. Not doing thinhs. W/o thinking abt it for like. A decent chunk of time b4hand
#day thoughts#i want to actually cry rn tho like#everythings going wrong in such tiny ways#its like a very slow falling tower#or a wall being destroyed with a fork#and nothings big enough in any way to have a meltdown abt#but i just feel so#fucking#like a puddle#i need to cry
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Having thoughts about Davetrap... Honestly the fact that he's So sentient is so tragic to me. It's like he said he's still a person he just looks different. Even the fact that he still needs food and is eating rats (which he ripped foxy's leg to do so better, unforgivable) yet seems capable of leaving but thing is WHERE to, y'know... I think this is a reality for most non human characters in this game but him being in such a state of disrepair definitely doesn't help, i mean, he literally couldn't be sold off, something he was clearly upset about (I also like that he called the maze shit a gig like that's cute, that's just his job).
Like its just, Dave was never much of anything, at all, we don't even know if this guy has a fucking home, but he still had some things in his favor, he was still somewhat well put and social and shit, so for him to be left like this it's like... I said it like thrice but its tragic its just tragic, man OT2
#luly talks#dsaf#dsaf davetrap#davetrap#dsaf dave#dave miller#im. kinda pained rn. like physically. i think i pulled a muscle too but also my eye spill is acting up#and i have a headache so forgive me not being able to make this post better but i hope my rips my hair off is being conveyed properly#like he's just. so... normal. for the standards he's being held at#HE'S A BETTER WORKER THAN JACK BY ALL MEANS FOR CRYING OUTLOUD#i actually am Not forgetting the henry tape that mentions this is the second time dave has been put thru this but i dont remember#the details and i wont look for them bc henry makes me Way too upset in those tapes but if someone wants to quote him be my guest#though i think i did see a fic where dave had to eat a rat im sure it was a fic and not the tape#i thiiiiiinkkkkkkkkk#but yeah its just. he is just kind of tied by hands and feet yknow!#like its super cruel. like he is too far removed from humanity physically to be considered a person. even if he wanted to...#just do anything. get a job. be able to afford shit. live. it'd be fucking Hard#he's literally a fucking cryptid. and his mental state only helps to worsen this. in typical these cunts fashion#nobody dehumanizes them like they dehumanize themselves PRAYING EMOJIIIIIII#its just sad. i'd fix him. i'd fix him so fast. i'd patch him up and wash him. i'd be beautiful. i'd do it. trust me bro. trust me.#<- (has no experience w mechanisms nor textiles arts)#<- ((makes it up w a big and genuine heart tho))
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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well i have the free time rn so ...... i made that diy cherry magic meta . make of this whatever you will but also if you get it even slightly wrong i will haunt you into the afterlife so watch out <3
#cherry magic#my post#yeah its just 30 images in a row with no explanation no words nothing. what about it.#actually i wanted it to be longer but thats the image limit on here and i didnt wanna have to split it up so i actually held back#could do another one like this if i feel crazy enough another day tho . theres a lot more of these sitting in my head rn#alright thats all (for now) im gonna go cry about them again adios
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I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me 😔 if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
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-. wait, I'm back, i need to post some thoughts on poppy playtime real quick because i'm running out of places to infodump this stupid thing i noticed about mommy & miss delight in, so forgive me dash, this is to satisfy my blorbo brain, i'll be out of your hair in a minute, spoilers for chapter 3
i am so obsessed with the way mommy & miss delight vocalize knowing who you are.
first off, miss delight vocalizes recognizing you, mommy includes knowing who you are in her villain speech. LIKE, i'm violently, vibratingly, neurotically overthinking this, but i love languages, i love the fine details of the way people communicate, i am obsessed with how a single change in wording and cadence can apply such a wholly drastic different meaning to any given information, how complex lying can be once you start toying with language etc etc.
miss delight recognizes you in the second voice line she speaks over the speakers, the first one is just some parody of a classic school announcement, but in the second one she literally recognizes you in the line, she sounds casual about it, maintaining her established speech patterns/tone, expressing surprise at you having survived, then something that sounds like disappointment and discovering the reason you're there, and then she extends a warning to you to leave the place before catnap finds out you're there. i mean, sure, she's completely lost it, she talks to her mace and hears it talk back to her, so how reliable can she possibly be, but still. she's got that deal with catnap that keeps her fed, but she still declares her willingness to fuck you up in absolute glee once you show no signs of leaving. once you show no signs of leaving. like, i am obsessed with the voice lines here. in relation to the thing with mommy, though, i love what her recognizing you after doing a double-take, essentially, implies about who player character could be:
someone miss delight had some marginal exposure to, but not enough to recognize upon first glance (sure, ten years, but you were an adult then and now you wouldn't change that drastically without some plot points that would have been too important to not mention, and the nightmare tape implies you weren't there at all on That Day so you have no disfigurements, PLUS the thing with mommy i'll get to in a minute)
someone she doesn't feel vengeful or even particularly hostile towards, if anything, she seems positively inclined if she takes the time to tell you to piss off before you prove yourself to 'not be a good listener' at which point she practically announces 'weLP! gonna hunt you down, then~' (which is also interesting because she actually only comes for you after you activate the generator and after first destroying the generator, as if she was waiting to see if you were trouble, kind of like some interpret to have been the case for huggy wuggy who only came for you when you started reactivating machinery, toy making machinery, the central piece watches you lmao)
someone she does absolutely enjoy killing if given the chance, so not someone she'd been fond of, though this point is wonky because she's lost it
MOMMY, whom i adore btw, goes about mentioning that she too knows who you are in a completely different way, which in on itself could imply a wide variety of things, one among them for example that poppy told her lmao, but honestly, the way mommy talks to you in general is so? i'm probably just overthinking things but i love overthinking about this lmao so bear with me
mommy has four voice lines before she off-handedly indirectly mentions knowing who you are:
when she nabs your red hand
before musical memory
after musical memory
before wack-a-wuggy
after wack-a-wuggy
she mentions knowing you in her 'villain speech' before the start of statues.
she says 'a new playmate' at the beginning, which doesn't necessarily need to imply you're new to her, just that you're new as opposed to the toys she usually 'plays with' or that you've never played with her; she gives you instructions without feeling the need to provide details, along the lines of 'you know what musical memory is, or at the very least where it's located'; she also says 'it'll be just like old times', which could be in reference to the situation in general or something that ties you two together (don't out me for thinking player character could be stella but i'd fuck with it, ask me about it i'll be wholly incoherent but we can get a laugh out of it).
she does provide you with a detail about the wack-a-wuggy game, but you can be familiar with information and the other party might still 'reveal' it to you as a way to introduce a concept, a conversation, a topic, you name it. the line is
'The toys in this game used to have strings attached to them, so they could be pulled back when they got too close to the children. Hmm... Have fun.'
can be interpreted as 'here's information you're not familiar with that i'm giving you as sadistic warning' but if you're deranged like me also as 'this might be information you know, i'm just giving you a sadistic indirect warning that this is no longer the case', both would be evil because mommy is evil but i think she's fun
also, mommy never feels the need to explain anything to you, not really; she describes the rules of her game, but she doesn't stop to wonder if you know what the game station even is, that this used to be a place for kids to be at, mommy just straight up knows the entire time that you used to work there and weren't some rando curiously exploring the place, maybe poppy told her, maybe no rando would have made it as far into the factory to reach her, maybe she simply saw you and knew right away that you were a former employee, BUT doesn't that imply she recognized you instantly? and why doesn't she kill you right after she grabs poppy? (sure, "it's a videogame she can't do that there would be no game" we're doing this game theory style, hold them accountable for suspension of disbelief and 'il patto narrativo', design the game in a way that would make it illogical/impossible for her to kill you then and i'll buy it, but tbh she probs just wanted to fuck around with you, SHE'S FUN)
these are the pre-statues voice lines
It was always so sad to see the kids go... They called me "Mommy" because I was the closest thing they ever had to one. But they'd come for games, and never come back. They left Mommy to die alone. Mommy didn't deserve that! But you? You worked here. So if anyone deserves to die alone, it's you.
this is where Mommy officially states via implication that she recognizes you at the very least as former employee. i say 'via implication' because she doesn't actually ever stop to tell you 'i know who you are' or 'i recognize you' the way miss delight does; miss delight notices while watching you, to mommy on the other hand, this information was such a given that she did not feel the need to reveal it to you.
mommy loves to scare the shit out of you, and to play with you, she'd most likely gleefully gloat if she could use the information that she recognizes you to scare you, but she doesn't. the emphasis of that part is not on her knowing who you are, but on her declaring that your role as former employee makes you guilty and deserving of capital punishment lmao
she recognizes you, she recognizes you as an employee who had enough power to be an accomplice (which works for the nightmare tape, again, is this stella-); would mommy lump all employees into being worthy of blame for what happened? maybe, she is particularly hostile towards all employees, after all, but it is interesting nonetheless to interpret it as her recognizing that you are guilty in some aspect solely for working in the position you worked.
still, to recognize you as an employee - if you're most definitely not dressed in a uniform omg why would you-- - she'd have to... know you were one (unless she's hostile to all adults, but GOSH, always adding the antithesis as afterthought must be so exhausting to read lmao)
gosh, i'm losing my train of thought, damned neurodivergent brain, but basically: mommy states her recognizing you as an established fact that doesn't need to be re-established, not to her, and not to you. she shares it with you as a statement she doesn't assume you would find surprising to hear out of her.
sure, this is all according to my interpretation of tone of voice and whatnot compared to patterns in other auditive story telling, not to mention it's unclear how reliable deranged characters are BUT ISN'T IT INTRIGUING, ISN'T IT WORTH THE BRAINROT
i also love that it's mommy & miss delight so openly vocalizing recognizing you, two characters directly tied to stella in one way or another; i mean, that player character is most likely a high-ranking employee is pretty much a given at this point, but stella was head of playcare but also of game station. do you see my vision. it would tie in neatly with the nightmare tape and with the reversed radio tape in the nightmare sequence, 'you missed the meeting', and the guilt described, which goes beyond survivor's guilt and paints you/player character as someone who feels like an accomplice, like someone who, had they been there, could have made a difference. or who, via inaction/ignorance/passivity let the things that happened happen, which works for stella, who, as the hartmann incident tape confirms, did not know what was happening.
and... i tired myself out and have to log off again, if you read any of this, remember matpat is retiring in march
on a separate note, could this bigger bodies mommy (our mommy ♥) be ms harper
#;ooc#poppy playtime chapter 3#poppy playtime spoilers#i didn't want to make it small text because when i did my brain started crying so#assuming most of y'all are neurodiverse like i am let's hope this makes it more readable and#if you have 'open read more automatically' or however it's called that it doesn't jumpscare you#ANYWAYS i spent so much time on this post that i have to log off again pardon for the sudden brainrot#but i've been thinking about this for days and even tho it still is wonky once written down i'm glad i did lmao#BTW in case this wasn't clear: this is what my brain is hyper-focusing on rn#came back to add the picture my sister suggested it#ANWAYSY NOW I'M OFF I'LL BE BACK LATER TONIGHT MAYBE#Personals May interact with this one actually
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formal literary analysis is just fanfic for nerds
#i'm trying to write an analysis on the way the wizard of oz has been historically interpreted rn and it is going so bad#apparently i'm the only person who has ever put together just like. an actual paper (not a magazine article) comparing and contrasting#the various allegorical readings of oz?? and unfortunately i cannot analyze my own old writing#i need to pick a new topic but the paper is due tomorrow morning im so tired this is awful. im crying thinking about it#i have spent the past two days combing through oz analysis. i have not found a single source that doesn't directly just do its own analysis#i need analysis of the analysis does that make sense. and it has to be from the past five years. i am falling i am failing#i am drowning help me to breathe etc. this is torture and i cannot find a singular fucking source#JUST TELL ME ABOUT MORE THAN ONE INTERPRETATION!!! THAT IS ALL I FUCKING WANT FROM YOU JUST TELL ME THERES MULTIPLE WAYS#TO INTERPRET THIS 100 YEAR OLD BOOK. I KNOW YOU KNOW YOU MENTIONED IT IN UR INTRO#screaming crying throwing up. i gotta pick a new topic. im so tired. ignore this#anyways this post was an excuse for me to vent in tags sorry#free to rb the post if you want tho idc. i have a point u gotta admit#lit#toasty talks#wizard of oz
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y2 daigo dinner but make it healthy <- theres seltzer instead of booze <- this does not negate the heart attack in a can right next to it
#snap chats#fyi never make a post on tumblr mobile because it will never go through and you'll want to kill someone !!!!!!#anyway hi everyone :) back from nyc :) i have THE LAMEST stories to tell tomorrow but rn im giggling at my new kirbies#and the christmas gifts i got my bro but moving on Before Anyone Starts and i swear to god I Will Kill You if you say 'well actually'#i know daigo is more of a whiskey man and they dont put whiskey in a can but for the bit we will act like he drinks beer sometimes#i wanted to make jokes for a while abut daigo drinking liquid death to try and contol his binge drinking so let me have this#i already made jokes about daigo drinking monster. probably. maybe. definitely to someone at least.#i dont even like energy drinks but.... heh... guess you could say..... i was... drawn like a... moth to a flame... hehe..#butterflies and moths are cousins suck my gonads. anyway my fave moth is the luna moth and my fave butterfly is the dragonfly-tail butterfl#theyre so silly looking and the colors are so pretty......#highkey tho this post relevant to the times cause of that fuckin redbull post i made LOLOLOL#playable daigo but he drinks monster instead of tauriner oh god THERES TAURINE ON THE FUCKING CAN#shaking crying throwing up im so fucking smart#ok im gonna drink both of these now <3 because im a glutton <3 BYE
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the little prince is earnestly an extremely good movie except i can never watch it again bc the one time i did i fully cried for 30 straight minutes abt the ending
#just choking out to my sister 'they're. never. gonna. see. each. other. aGAIIIIIN' (sobs)#her: 'but he's going home to his planet! his flower needs him!'#me (beyond inconsolable): 'BUT SHE'S NOT NICE TO HIM!!!!!!!!'#and yes if my partner were here she would insist i add that i cried so hard i did in fact throw up on myself :/ whatever.#also this happened like. 4 months ago skdjfhdjskjdhfjds#my posts#it's such a good fucking movie. makes me want to die from sadness tho#but all this to say. i am v emotionally constipated rn#so i did consider watching it tonight to help me actually cry#but i dont think i can handle that rn djfhgfjdks
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i screamed.
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#i forgot abt the manga for a bit. GOT NERVOUS TO READ BCS I'LL GO. HDFKLASJDFLKSJDFLKADSJF YK#( apollo's watching over my shoulder n said to write that i'm ugly. like. artemis is ugly. sobs )#oh my god. i can't read this. i just want to change all my pfps now n. be delusional. daydream. FUCK#EMET-SELCH YOU'RE SO UNFAIR 😭😭#& yotsuyu ma'am you're so pretty pls step on me hahahaha#n then alphi my bb first year he's so adorable i love love love him so much. my bb boy my dearest#AYMERIC YOU'RE SO LOVELY N HAURCHEFANT YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS I'LL CRY#the rest of them too but. rn my brain. is in school mode. i cannot. handle this. rn. oh my god. help#GAIA N RYNE WAHH THEY'RE SO CUTE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 🥹🫶🏼#i'm enjoying this so much but i'm just skimming through to look at stuff#guys i love final fantasy xiv so much.#alphinaud at the end of the second chapter is so me actually#i froze when i saw emet-selch w the book. i have no words. oh my god.#GAIA N YSAYLE INTERACTION MY GIRLS I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i have. assignments to do tho lmfaoooo that's enough for now. actually maybe i'll just quickly skim to the end of this chapter#i'm too shy to add more pics bcs. the 4th chapter. BUT. ALPHINAUD SAVING THE LIL KID I'M SO IN LOVE 🥹🥹🥹🥹🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#alphi n alisaie. i'm emotional. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 😭😭 alphi's soft smile there though.. i'm. so. in love.#alphi w the kid. alphi n alisaie. hdflaksdjfldk i love alphi so much my dear alphi :c#i want to ramble so much help me. but. SCHOOL. HFDALKDSFJDLKFJ SOBBING BYE#just some snippets from the manga yes. don't mind me
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me rn having the biggest hots for leon kennedy and astarion sorry LMFAOOO <3
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#^___^ me smiling innocently#bg3 is on the MIND !!! i dearly want it so badly. turns out my dad played 1/2 (not sure which) a looong time ago#but he never got too far i think bcs he's busy... :P but hey i love him. wow. it's really cool he knows it too (ofc he does lmfao)#me and him (handshake emoji) also never getting far in da origins yet bcs we have it on xbox bcs of him getting it a long time ago#but there's that bug in the mage tower... :( funny we both went thru it LMFAO <//3 anyway i got it on steam so i've been playing#again but not recently anymore since 1. ffxiv took over my life last days of summer again 2. summer is over back school so rip#anyway can u tell i love fantasy :)) da and bg babeyyy !!! my type is going to make you guys cry i'm so obvious#zevran... fenris... astarion... i have a thing for ppl w blond/white hair :P idk my fav in inquisition yet and idk anything abt bg1&2 yet#but Yeah. GHBSHJGBSHJG..... da origins is kinda funny (lack of better word) to me btw bcs i like all four main romance options#but it's hard to explain (i have a story behind stuff i want to share but it's tiring and annoying of me /hj !!!!!)#anyway i like blond elves if it wasn't obvious. yes i also like link and zelda from loz. yes i like legolas. yes i like#...anyway! so where does re fit in this? uh. u see i'm a coward actually i'm too scared to play re LMFAOOO#BTU I ADORE THE LORE and the characters and the game franchise and shit ^_^ just. i shld really watch it sometime#instead of reading wikis all the time and just soaking up all the knowledge but i'm. a Coward. okay#i can't even play bloodborne despite how nerdy i am over it... it's so scary to poor little me... i'm a coward (it's the harsh truth).....#anwyay i'll conquer my fears one day but that day is NOT SOON !!! i wna get into re properly tho aside from just being a nerd#so i'm too scared to play but i'll watch playthroughs sometime (and admire leon) <3 yeah. another blond. i know. shut up.#is this my life rn am i just infatuated w blonds and white haired guys. it's gna be hell if i continue nier replicant rn too huh#uh. goodnight!
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Repost of a Wang Yibo in watercolor I did in 2020 taking ispiration from my favourite photoshoot of his
#my art?#why a repost and not a reblog you might ask?#because I feel like I was too annoying in the original caption but I don't want to edit the post#anyway reposting because I took it out to hang it on my wall again and was like -wth?? how did I do this??-#like yeah it's not perfect etc#but I'm 99% sure I would NOT be able to do sth like this rn#I continue to believe I do my most elaborate pieces while possessed i would not know how to explain this#or my mahmood poster#or my wwx in the red dress#or lwj with the pearl dress (which you don't know but trust me)#every time I start working on sth I feel like the meme of patrick star with a hammer in hand and a wood plank nailed to his head#do i actually learn sth when I do art?? or do I just somehow manage to do things#and then if I find the magical motivation or a willing spirit I manage to do it again?#otherwise I just cry and struggle and quit?#don't know guys this is too much of a mistery#anyway bazaar photoshoot <333#wang yibo#my beloved#actually#for this or like mahmood I can almost understand#i guess that since it was strictly a copy of a reference it was a tad easier knowing where to place the colors for example#tho still I don't know how the rendering had such a result#update: okay I'm going through a sketchbook of that time period and I was practicing a lot with watercolors so maybe that helped#also I was truly using wyb as my muse and guinea pig#i have a piece of him in acrylics and one done with chalks this with watercolor some attempts with crayons#okay ow getting kinda sad cause I'm realizing I used to do art so so often even if it was all copying references#and I think I was also still reading at the time? uhmmmmmmmmm#jhjhkh lots of pencil and pen drawings as well somebody had just watched cql#i do have some xiao zhans but I have always had more difficulty drawing him dkw#arting
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ok very interesting quest in hsr
#theyre getting better at this writing shit#hsr spoilers#tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got#his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho#i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday#also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body#so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . 🧍♀️#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary#hsr#they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars#and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses#robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting#murdered for shock value in 2.0#ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy#hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots#chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex#oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell#and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????
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When you create a boyfriend because you're all alone
#I'm staring into the wall#there's so much wrong right now#I had 2 packages of chocolate and am day 2ish of no magnesium and the depression is starting to kick in#not depression but like. mood bad no good things in the world. wanting to cry a little bit#I know I should have something bc my sugar is probably crashing#but I am so fully unhungry rn#Dr basically said I wasn't allowed to be hungry anymore smh#this is so clearly caused by my bad decisions which makes it so much worse#this may have to be a midnight depression food moment idfk#depersonalizing in that awkward state where the words that I'm saying/typing don't feel right#Fuck I don't know#I also maybe think another alter is appearing which#if I'm right#is like a demon offshoot of Sheldon#Sheldon but he's evil now#(not actually. more like Sheldon's role in the system if that role is evil)#well I'm sure he'll have a great deal of fun in the problematic factive community TT#idk if he'd even care about being in a system tho dhlfglfgk#tyhgththhthhgh#Frick.
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I dunno I think they might share a couple similarities
Some ramblings about the concept of bloody tears below…
Someone was wondering about Tonari crying blood in the OP on Reddit some time ago and tbh it always made me wonder, I’d just get distracted by how pretty that 1 second was lol. This is interesting tho, I guess it acts as a fake death knell. It’s arguably the only thing that was 100% lie the opening, if that was the intended symbolism. It might not be, idk 🤔 If anyone is more familiar with the symbolism I’d love to hear your thoughts. Or who knows, maybe they just did it cuz it looked beautiful. And damn if my girl doesn’t look beautiful 😔
Then there’s Giorno, who, due to childhood trauma, is incapable of crying. He trembles instead. It’s not a detail that’s crazy important to the overall story, but it does shed some light on more emotional scenes where he begins to shake. That said, there’s a scene towards the end of the arc where his stand gets hit over the eye and shatters. I always thought it’d be cool for the scene if his eyes went read and he “cried blood” à la Castlevania. He technically does this in other stand battles, sustaining an injury around his eye in one fight, and having streaks of blood fall from his forehead and down his cheeks in another; but the final battle comes directly after he knows how many of his friends have died . It woulda been neat little detail, but maybe Araki didn’t want to overuse it after having done something similar twice. Still a cool thought tho!
Actually I can’t believe I forgot about Fushi also “crying blood” on Jananda towards the beginning of the tournament. While I think his tears can fall under this explanation, I think he more closely falls under the same explanation as Giorno. Both the idea that he can’t cry due to normal means, but also the fact that he’s thinking about Gugu while this happens, so he really is overwhelmed with emotion tbh.
#Tonari#Tonari Dalton#Giorno Giovanna#my art#To Your Eternity#Fumetsu No Anata E#Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure#WOWWWWWW I NEVER POSTED THIS#ITS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS AND I JUST NOTICED. MY BADDD#anyway… these are like… 2 of the 3 biggest interests in my life rn#the third being Sasaki To Miyano but uhhh none of them cry blood tho I mean it might be funny if I made Sasaki-#anyway thank you for sitting through the first edition of ‘Nova Rambles’ finally she isn’t doing it (mostly) in her tags#I would ramble more about Fushi but I literally just thought of it while I was cleaning up the previous rambles…#so feel free to tell me what you think in the notes#if I’m just plain wrong that’s cool I just want to know 👀#fun fact I accidentally burned Giorno’s bloody eye with a tea light candle#before I forget lol. I posted the results on Instagram#but I may reblog this post with the damage later#there’s actually a circular stain on Mizuha’s birthday drawing because of that#it’s hidden in the Barbie post but I repurposed it to be a biiiiig love fluffball instead#bc that girl is so loved we love you Mizuha#Shit I wasn’t trying to ramble#my bad lol
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