#i want someone to care

[v2isfuckingdead]

not even horny atp i just want to feel wanted

[moonieyuns]

i've never craved to be loved and understood more than i have now.

[gayday]

how to not feel a constant and painful sense of FOMO jealousy and envy over everyone and everything ever because i have nothing and get nothing and can do nothing about it

[hopeworth]

everything is a transgender allegory except being transgender which is about being alive

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[davidytenny-ovariesexplodeywodey]

Trigger warning ! This is an uncomfortable topic of SA and abuse.

Maybe not the time or place for this but I'm trying to heal and find closure. I have been told I can't because I never got to speak my truth. I'm doing it here because it is safer to me and I don't know anyone personally but I just need to say it. Also dunno if I'm allowed to post this?

But when I was five years old I was SAd by my brother's friend. Stephen King. I'm so sick of never saying it or their name. Never getting to tell anyone cus I might ruin their life.

And again when I was 14-21

I was groomed and gaslit and then SAd by my brother's other friend. Ryan badorrek.

Tried to say something and was told I was overreacting and saying it for attention.

That's all. I just wanted to say it and their names.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

obligatory beach divorce doodling

bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut

[eltehdork]

.

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[garbean]

I love dunmeshi for the like.. built in horror of consumption. Like they eat to survive, they eat to honor their prey, they eat to possibly mourn someone. Laios eats monsters because he wants to learn more about the things he loves, Senshi eats monsters to feel included in the ecosystem because he didn't fit in with the outside and with most creatures in general, Chilchuck DOESN'T eat as much as he could because eating too much could kill all the party members, Marcille eats monsters and hates it but she still does it because she'll die before she could save Falin.

[down-for-tea]

I just drag everyone around me down. How can I go and pretend everything is perfectly fine when it's not? I know I have to, but how?

It's easy for him to just cut me off and act normal because he never felt the way I do for him. He's been doing it the whole time. Plus, he's off while I'm still mid-week.

I need to be alone for a while. I thought I was ready for another relationship, and maybe I was, but now this shit has got me so fucked up. My previous LTR, I wasn't getting laid. This situationship, I was only getting laid (and only like once a week if I asked him to make time for me).

When we ended the call, he was cold and said I fucked with his career. Yeah maybe I did because I'm a dumb bitch that wears her heart on her sleeve, but I'm not the one who started it?

He said I wasn't a rebound before, but then he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, so please explain how that's not a rebound.

Now who do I talk to? My friends who said this was a bad idea? My therapist who said this was a bad idea? I have to tell my parents I'm not seeing him anymore either so that's even better /s. Now I can't trust anyone at work because I asked the manager not to let him find out I let it slip, and man just threw me under the bus I guess.

My bad, I totally should've realized that he has an obligation to his job and the company before he does to me as a person. I'm just dumb all around and maybe my solution should just be to come to work and only talk to people when I have to.

Maybe I should just shut everyone out because I only cause them problems. Maybe a different manager was right and I shouldn't make friends at work because the lines get blurred.

Part of my stupid romantic heart hopes that if I drastically change, he'll see how much he hurt me and apologize, but I know he won't because he believes he's 100% in the right with how he handled our conversation.

[sadagios]

double victory, was it? (it doesn't feel like one)

i saw a post about 3L!Grian meeting SL!Scar, but since SL!scar never died i figured he can't see any of the winners nor join them before the next session, and they appear before him as shadows. also, i thought 3L!Grian would be really happy to see a scenario where scar didnt die by his hand and actually won.

❀ bonus sketch ☘

[memein-n-dreamin]

Feeling v emotional and alone tonight

[ciderjacks]

An old friend

[apersononearth011]

WHY WILL NO ONE SAY THIS SHIT TO MEEEE

If we get this line in the show I’m suing. And if we don’t get this line in the show I’m also suing. For emotional damage either way.