#i want it to hurt
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You know what would crush everyone's hearts? If season 2 (or any later season) had episodes dedicated to each of the main characters, where their life on Earth is shown, and each of those episode ends in their tragic death with sad violin soundtrack and the camera slowly moving away while the screen fades to black.
#you don't understand#i want to suffer#i want it to hurt#hazbin hotel#alastor#angel dust#husker#nifty#sir pentious#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#angel dust hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel husk#husker hazbin hotel#nifty hazbin hotel
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Her padawan braid is the only thing that reminds her of him (unless there’s something I’ve missed)
Especially if he posed the idea of her having one
Especially if he braided it a few times
I don’t think she’d get rid of it, even with their parting. If she didn’t care about him, had no genuine attachment to him, didn’t have even a sliver of hope that she’d see him again, I think she would’ve cut it. I think she would’ve stopped after a while and sat on her howler and cut it off if she really didn’t think there was a chance
Of course she’s upset. She looks absolutely miserable and depressed not being with him. She is lost and feels abandoned by him. She’s left to the planet that she called a wasteland.
But I think she’s holding onto a string of hope and the attachment she still has. Her attachment didn’t fade the second she left that hill. They’re not Jedi. It’s not like she’s not allowed to be attached in that way. He’s trained her. He’s raised her, probably in most senses of the word. Of course she’s going to be attached to him and upset at what’s become of them
It’s exactly why she’ll keep that braid. The hope that he’ll come back. That he’ll leave whatever power he’d found and come back. That the guy who’s raised and trained her and who has had faith in her abilities and who’s comforted her and told her stories of his past and encouraged her—the hope that, somehow, he’ll come back
#can she please keep it.#if we get a season 2#please let her keep it#I want it to hurt#ITS ALWAYS THE FATHERS AND DAUGHTEFS#THEY GET SEPARATED#ONE OF THEM DIES#BOTH DIE#ITS ALWYAS SOMETHING#I have to go to bed it’s so late#im hurting for many reasons#ahsoka tv#ahsoka spoilers#baylan skoll#shin hati
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Horny while ovulating is next level
#I just need to be railed#like seriously#i need my holes stuffed full#I want it to hurt#cnc k!nk#me#queer#rambles#overstim kink#rough kink#sadist kink#bd/sm relationship#jos speaks
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I hope I bleed when I lose my virginity.
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Some of the comments I get on youtube make me understand why Rabi and Mikoto wanted to end it all.
If anything, I think they were too nice about it actually.
#Magia Record#Mikoto Sena#Rabi Himuro#like 'oh i won't let it hurt' or whatever#no#i want it to hurt#all of us are sinners#we are all going to hell
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hhhhrrrrhgggggggg
#he def grips the headboard#i want his dick so far down my throat it leaves bruises#i want him so fucking bad#i want it to hurt#id let him do ANYTHING to me#so down bad#outlast#outlast fanfiction#outlast fandom#outlast trials#leland coyle#officer coyle
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i lied actually im perfectly fine. im completely normal
#voice of a guy whos entire life is spent caught between rising and falling mental stability#reassurance that i wont be abandoned makes me cry#being told someone is proud of me makes me cry#the concept that someone could miss me is just outside of my understanding#ive been ill longer than ive been healthy#i cant remember the last time i woke up feeling rested#ive never woken up with the feeling of “oh that was a good sleep. im ready to face the day”#im never ready. every morning is empty#im a gutted fish. im a dissected frog#i am baring everything for the chance of attention#i would livestream hurting myself if i thought itd get me attention#if i thought itd make people care about me#pain is penance. pain makes up for me being alive. im not even meant to be alive and ill never get over that#not in the sense of “you were an accident”. more in the sense of i am not meant to Be here. probability-wise#miracle baby ends up terribly depressed and frequently suicidal#there are so many times i should have died#ive had. what 3? near death experiences?#2 i know for a fact really Should have killed me#and part of me is. kind of disgustingly glad it didnt#i am a hypocrite i know#im terrified of death#and in reality i dont even want to die. not really#not in the way people think when you say suicide#a coma maybe. thats what im after#i want to try and fail#i want it to hurt#i want to hurt. i want to be in pain so maybe itll fix me and itll make up for how i am#ive been thinking about it and wondering if i could hire someone to help me with it#the whole being in pain part of it#ideally itd be someone i CARE about. or ADMIRE. or LIKE doing it
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Just left a final so terrible that the ENTIRE CLASS hung back in the hallway as we left one by one and had group therapy. We were speaking to eachother like old friends and I have never met these people outside of this one course. I offered a girl I hardly talk to free tutoring if we ever have class together again. I swapped bong pictures with the girl who sits in the back. Community is truly all there is left after disaster.
#like heres the thing man#i dont do most things well#but the one avenue in which i truly excell is academics#and specifically really difficult english courses#i approach college like sweats approach dark souls#i want it to hurt#so me? i almost certainly passed that exam#my grade in that class will be a b at a minimum and thats because i deadass gave up on a whole bunch of assignments#but that exam was some grade a horseshit and i know it#just because i could do it does not mean it was fair#and it was so not fair#and anybody in that course who is not an english freak like me was going to have a terrible time#which was most of the class#i had like lowkey survivors guilt bro#this course is the first course ive truly dogged on in the course evaluations#and i just sat among my peers and was like its not your fault you did all you could#you did your best#you turned something in#and you are all so smart and i hope you mever feel stupid just because of a class#that is not designed for you#its like how i used to feel stupid in math classes because of my issues reading numbers#it was not made for you and you are so smart in so many other ways i promise#im built for this kind of thing and i am not built for much else#you are built for something else entirely and that is okay#and even if you were stupid who the fuck cares#you are alive#you care and you grow and you try to learn#i hope every single one of them knows that#i really really do
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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We are well beyond canary in the coalmine warning levels with the way trans people and particularly trans women are treated on this site.
Maybe you've heard the metaphor of allowing wolves and sheep to share the same space, welcoming everyone. You end up with just wolves because allowing them in that space makes it unsafe for any sheep. Or the story about how a nazi goes into a dive bar and is refused service. The bartender then explains to someone else at the bar that if you serve them once they tell their friends and before you know it you're the nazi bar they all go to and normal customers don't feel safe.
Terfs and other bigots are seeing these targeted harassment campaigns succeed against trans women and rejoicing. They see Tumblr ban them and officially stand by those decisions as endorsement for their harassment. It's a sign to bigots across the internet that Tumblr is a good place for them.
And what's more is that a lot of us probably don't realize just how much trans women contribute to Tumblr. The women banned recently were sources of site-wide memes and posts I wasn't even aware originated from them.any years old memes and references can be traced back to trans women on this site.
How many of these folks have to be removed before this is no longer a site you want to be a part of it? Sure you cultivate your own experience, but you can't follow or interact with people who aren't here. And if I wanted to interact with the nazis and terfs I'd go to reddit.
I encourage everyone to reblog this. Trans women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking out against the bigotry they're experiencing. They shouldn't be the only ones risking their blogs being nuked by staff. We have to stand with them.
#i didnt want to make this a post about how their being oppressed impacts you too#but honestly trans women contribute way more to this site's culture than pretty much any other single group of people#taking them out#and especially the more well known ones#absolutely destroys community#i think not just the trans community here though it definitely does that#but its also tearing away at the overall site community#if tumblr doesnt get shit under control this will hurt them more in the long run than anything else#protect trans women#thats what youve gotta do staff
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dunno why I find it so hard to let myself be loud in bed but I always try to suppress and sound I make. I think I just need someone to fuck me til I'm so past that embarrassment that I'm begging and screaming for more
#i just need to get brutally fucked#i want it to hurt#like i csn feel myself trying to supress any noise i might make#someone needs tp come fuck those inhibitions out of me#op#nsft#ftm nsft
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shattered glass B-127
#bumblebee#b 127#goldbug#shattered glass#transformers one#transformers#orion pax#d 16#i think its funny if this alt version of bee doesnt talk much but hes always thinking the meanest things LOL#basically if bee grew really resentful instead#he would be crying tears of joy watching optimus tear alpha trion in half#he wants REVENGEEE!!!#i think this version of bee would follow optimus soley because he killed the bot that put him down there#megatron would try to convince him to stay but bee would think hes too weak#also... optimus killed the guy who hurt him...#optimus cares about him...#he wouldnt want to get left behind again would he...#what has megatron done for him?
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i think ppl on twitter mistaking my need for biting for biting random people as something sexual when all i literally want to do is violently bite people.
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the “chara did nothing wrong” vs “chara is a murder hobo” debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole “chara offed asriel” comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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