#i want 2 be clear that i have many nuanced thoughts about what is going on here

[bellamysgriffin]

Dana Watches Gilmore Girls: A House is Not a Home (5x22)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

octavinelle’s “happy endings”

***SPOILER WARNING: This post will go into detail about the dreams Azul, Jade, and Floyd experience in the book 7 part 10 update.***

OKAY, so there’s a debate in the TWST fandom about whether or not Azul and the twins consider each other “real” friends or just business partners. I’ve shared my own thoughts on this topic in the past (which you can read here!). After the most recent main story update, it’s now more clear to me than ever that they do treasure each other even if they don’t express that in traditional ways.

Let’s discuss them in order that they appear in book 7 part 10!! I know there’s some vagueness surrounding how much of the dream is Malleus actively controlling the scenarios (hence the limited and shallow scope of them) and how much the dreams actively pull from the innate desires of the dreamer, but for the sake of the argument let’s assume the latter is more influential in shaping and structure of the dreams.

First up, Floyd!

So Floyd is known as the “I do what I want when I feel like it” guy. He hates two main things: 1) being told what to do/having his freedom restrained and 2) being bored. To ensure that Floyd is happy, the dream consistently shifts to locations so he vanishes explore and experience new things.

What you might notice is that Azul and Jade aren’t around in Floyd’s dream. This doesn’t mean they don’t exist or that Floyd doesn’t know who they are though. When asked, Floyd replies that Azul is simply doing his own thing (focusing on his business ventures/schemes) and Jade is there supporting him, thus leaving Floyd to his own devices. The fact that Jade and Azul are still present in Floyd’s dream, just not in an immediate capacity, makes complete sense.

In the waking world, Floyd loves to stir up trouble with his brother and Azul. The thing is, Floyd also dislikes it when they tell him off, order him to do something he’s not in the mood for, or punish him for acting out. Yes, Jade for the most part enables Floyd to misbehave, and yes, Azul has largely learned by now that it’s best to sit back and let Floyd fuck off/finish throwing a tantrum rather than intervene. However, there are still times when they order Floyd around or get upset with him. For example, Azul scolds Floyd for damaging the vault where they keep the contracts in book 3 and for not selling the drinks he’s supposed to in book 5. We see numerous examples across vignettes as well: Jade forces Floyd to stand in line at a famous patisserie for Trey as penance for eating special fruits meant for a VIP client (Trey Labwear vignettes), Azul and Jade wring Floyd for his eel slime (Azul Ceremonial Robes vignettes), Azul orders Floyd to secure the rights to Sam’s Mystery Drink even though Floyd shows a clear disinterest in the task (Floyd Dorm Uniform vignettes), etc.

In spite of these grievances, Floyd doesn’t entirely despise Jade and Azul, nor would he be happier without them. They’re an important part of his life, hence why they still linger in the dream, just in the periphery where they can’t butt in with whatever Floyd wants to do. Jade and Azul aren’t present and compliant since that, too, would quickly bore Floyd. He loves those two goobers in part because they’re chaotic and unpredictable, not because they’re yes men to his every action. The dream might not be able to keep up with that demand; it only seems to operate in extremes rather than conjure enough nuance to keep Floyd stimulated and content. This is why all the places Floyd already visited bored him; he got showered with too many conveniences and eventually got fed up with it all.

If you need even more damning evidence, all previous dreams would manifest someone closely tied to the dreamer in an attempt to keep them in the dreamscape. Who does Floyd’s dream summon? AZUL AND JADE. If Floyd genuinely found them annoying or didn’t want them near, the surely the dream would spawn other people. BUT NO, it specifically spawned THOSE TWO in an effort to convince Floyd. It can be argued that they could very well be a source of hatred since Kalim and Neige showed up for Jamil and Vil respectively, but I genuinely think Floyd doesn’t feel that degree of negativity toward Jade and Azul; the kind of hatred that Jamil and Vil have for their respective counterparts has never been expressed by Floyd toward Jade or Azul.

Floyd reacts to dream!Jade and Azul in a manner that’s very different from the dreamers that came before him… with anger. And a LOT of anger too. He immediately clocks them as phonies and, he, fully waking, demands to know who the fakes are, because they certainly aren’t Jade and Azul. Floyd points out their faces and voices may resemble theirs, but they’re acting in a way that they never would (suggesting a “boring” way of living). That pisses him off to the point where he cuts the fakes down all by himself. Brutal violence aside, this tells us a lot about Floyd... as well as Malleus.

We see that Floyd has become lethargic and bored despite the dream's attempts to sate him, which just demonstrates that Malleus, whose magic has a hand in crafting these realities, has a shallow understanding of what makes people happy. (Edit: to be clear, Malleus having a “shallow understanding” of happiness is not a personal take; this is a direct statement made by Idia in-game and this is where I am pulling my phrasing from.) He thinks that removing all obstacles and challenge to what you want is what leads to a happy ending when, in truth, it clearly isn't the case for Floyd, who craves stimulation and change. While Malleus is motivated outright controlling the details of Floyd’s dream down to the wire, his autonomous magic has decided to get rid of any challenges Floyd may face in his pursuit of happiness. (I would continue about the Malleus portion, but since this post is about the Octatrio, I will instead direct you to this post, which shares many of my own thoughts ^^) I think that's why Floyd truly "woke" when he was faced with dream!Azul and Jade; a part of him recognizes how wrong it is for the two people he chose to spend his time with because they're so fun are now turning around and preaching complacency. It tells us just how well Floyd knows those two and values their... unique perspectives, shall we say?

Next, just Jade!

What's immediately fascinating about Jade's dream is that it's also underwater, despite Floyd and co. suspecting it would be on land/in the mountains. Floyd even changes from his merform to his human form prior to hopping to Jade's dream because he was under the impression that it would be on land. This ends up not being the case, although Malleus's magic does manifest the underwater equivalent of "mountains", which are volcanic vents at the bottom of the sea.

We see Jade happily exploring alongside a dream!Azul and dream!Floyd, who are both very different than the real ones. Dream!Azul has big, watery eyes and is much more of a coward and crybaby than the real Azul is. He also seems to be very dependent on Jade, who derives great joy from watching dream!Azul flail about while trying to attain his goals (in this case, access to a gold vein). This is in-character with what we already know about Jade; he amuses himself by watching others struggle--especially Azul, whom Jade frequently teases, such as tricking him to dance as a mummy in the first Halloween event and comparing Azul's greedy attitude to the positive traits of other dorm leaders. Jade also prefers to have control over the circumstances, so he likes it when people defer to his word or advice. So what better to hand him than an Azul that listens to his every word and also provides entertainment value in his tears?

As for dream!Floyd, he presents with a very goofy face and seems to lack his usual aggression and flippancy. Instead, he has a fixation on eating other sea life around him (crabs, shrimp, etc.) and happily goes along with Jade's mountain exploration. Like dream!Azul, dream!Floyd acts dependent on Jade to guide him and even acts cowardly in a fight. Now we can sort of get a glimpse of how Jade feels about Floyd too. Dream!Floyd's pliant and agreeable nature may come in part from the dream seeking to provide Jade with more free entertainment, but it could also be that Jade wants Floyd to share in his interests. But here Floyd is not gung-ho about mountains; instead, he acts very innocently, almost like a kid going along with whatever his parents decide to do for the day. It gives me the impression that Jade doesn't see Floyd as threatening but as someone cute and child-like. This idea is reinforced when, in an attempt to keep Jade dreaming, dream!Azul tells him that Floyd is cute and not some thug (like the real Floyd is). AND JADE 100% BUYS IT. He 100% believes that dresm!Floyd is the "true" one, that his Floyd and Azul would be useless without his support.

Idia makes an important comment at this point in book 7. He explains that Jade is having a hard time waking up because he believes in himself too strongly. That also means that Jade is distrustful of others; he is the only person he counts on. This reflected in how dream!Azul and dream!Floyd present. Both are heavily reliant on Jade to tell them what to do. In real life, too, Jade uses his competency to get into others' good graces (including the notoriously hard to please Vil; see his Dorm Uniform vignettes) so then he can reap the benefits that relationship offers. Jade is just that confident that he can succeed. Indeed, he often is the one coming close to tasting success when all others have failed. If we look back at Ghost Marriage, Jade was about to win over Eliza's heart before Floyd rudely interrupted and pointed out the flowers Jade was gifting were poisonous. Back to Idia's comment; because this is dream's Jade world, he's perhaps too invested in the dream that he has made, thus Jade is choosing to believe the dream that he conjured over the reality staring him in the face. It takes fistfighting with Floyd AND a jolt from Sebek's UM to properly shock some sense into Jade. He is otherwise too stuck in his own head to consider a truth that isn't one he has constructed for himself.

Still, I find it revealing that even though Jade is essentially stuck in his own headspace, dream!Floyd and dream!Azul are the only other people around. Floyd and Azul’s dreams feature way more NPCs, but Jade’s dream is pretty lonely. He could theoretically have several influential people to whisper in the ears of, but instead Jade’s desire is grounded… just being able to explore nature with his twin and Azul. They’re the ones he chooses to spend his time with. No one else. And Jade actively, fiercely defends this simple thing despite usually not being one to resort to violence right off the bat. The only major time in the main story where Jade does this is in book 2, when be noticed that he’s being tailed and does not appreciate the violations of his privacy. That’s exactly what this dream sequence is. It’s another violation of his privacy, and he detests that. You shouldn’t be here interrupting his happy, chill time with his friends business associates. It’s best for you to clear out.

I think it's also worthwhile to note that Floyd and Jade's waking sequences mirror one another. To quote myself from another post:

Something I find interesting is that the twins’ moments of waking mirror each other’s usual approaches to a task. Floyd usually foregoes a plan and prefers to use his fists to get the job done. However, he is slowly roused by reminiscing about his memories at NRC and the promise of being presented with a challenge. The final blow that shocks him awake is the presentation of a dream!Azul and dream!Jade who attempt to lure him deeper into the dream. Floyd doesn’t fall for it; in fact, he gets mad instead, and that fury, so biting and clear, snaps him awake. The opposite is true for Jade. He is someone who meticulously plans before acting, and would rather control the circumstances and use other roundabout methods before resorting to violence. But ironically, the master manipulator Jade is the one who falls for his own dream’s manipulations—all because he trusts himself above all else. He only wakes up because of a very strong physical force (ie Sebek’s UM) striking him. Prior to this, Jade was putting up a very good fight and the blows be was taking were not sufficient to wake fully him. So… Floyd, the brother who prefers brawns, woke up after reflecting and experiencing strong cognitive dissonance between his fake reality and bis true reality. Jade, the brother who prefers brains, woke up after being smacked the right amount. They woke up after experiencing an intense shock related to what is essentially the opposite of their preferred problem solving strategies.

And last but not least, Azul!

We’ve arrived at what I think is the juiciest part to dissect on the subject of the Octatrio’s friendship. To start off with, everyone suspects that Azul’s dream will be one in which he is a highly successful businessman with Mostro Lounge as a chain with even more locations stretching as far as the Coral Sea’s depths. That isn’t the case though! They quickly come to learn that Azul is the leader of Golden Trident, a reigning Coral Rush team. In this dream’s reality Azul was always popular and well-liked. Because he was never bullied, he never started up his shady business in middle school and thus never attracted the interest of the twins. Notably, Jade and Floyd still exist in the dream (as Azul remembers the Leeches from elementary school), but they never got close.

Before we get into the Octatrio’s dynamics, I want to say that the setup of this dream already tells us that a lot of Azul’s desire to become a successful business owner really stems from the longing to be accepted as he is. He uses his businesses and accumulation of contracts to reinforce and inform his self worth. Azul has formed a false belief and identity entering around the concept of success and likability equating to talent and material goods. This explains why he’s so fixated in his public image and being perceived as smart, confident, reliable, and trustworthy, and why he loses it so quickly when he’s denied his collection of golden contracts. Azul is insecure as heck about his shortcomings (athleticism being one of them) and the dream may be latching onto that, as well as his desire to be liked by his peers, to overcompensate.

A little thing I'd like to call attention to is that Jade refuses to divulge the private details of Azul's past in which he was bullied. This is significant because most other instances of the twins bringing up Azul's past usually results in them making fun of him for it and continuing to rag on him to the point where Azul becomes annoyed and tells them to quit it/reminds them that they swore to not talk about it. In those other instances though, the twins never tread that far; they'll at most comment about how different Azul looked or acted back then. They never went so far as to point out how badly he was bullied and here we see Jade respecting Azul's privacy by vocalizing that he refuses to release that information. And this JADE we're talking about, the one who has zero qualms with scoping out prospective new students for their personal info so Azul can later hold it against them (Jade Ceremonial Robes vignettes). Jade even blackmails older students to attain what he wants (Ortho Athletic Gear vignette). It says a lot that, when given the option to openly blab about what Azul experienced and have a laugh about it, Jade clams up.

sdjbaslidbasib OKAY I GOT SIDETRACKED, BACK TO AZUL'S DREAM. So he remembers the Leeches from elementary school, meaning that their existence was not entirely purged from his dream world. It's just a different timeline of events since he wasn't bullied in this reality. Azul is quite friendly to the twins and invites them to join his Coral Rush team at his mother's restaurant for a celebratory dinner. When we arrive at the restaurant, Azul and his team mates start to make fun of the land creatures for very similar things that he actually got bullied for in the waking world. (For example, being clumsy and uncoordinated in their swimming.) He's no longer the bullied, he is a bully. In a twisted way, Azul is getting validation of his own identity by looking down on others; this mirrors his behavior pre-OB in book 3, as he also mistreated his anemone'd peers back then. Tellingly, the only people he doesn't bully are... that's right, Jade and Floyd. Azul instead asks them to play Coral Rush with him. Again, this parallels what we saw in book 3: Azul is asking the twins to essentially "join" him in the midst of him abusing his power and lording over others. He still cares deeply about Jade and Floyd's approval specifically. Nowhere is this demonstrated so clearly as the method by which the twins finally get Azul to start questioning the construct of the dream. They start smashing up the restaurant but then grow bored and make as though they're going to casually leave. That triggers a memory from book 3 in which Azul is angrily shouting about how he'll always be alone. Alone. That's what Azul fears, being that lonely little octopus crying in his pot. That's why he's surrounded by adoring team members and fans in his dream. That's why he breaks down emotionally and OBs after the twins refuse to hand over their UMs to him in book 3. That's why he becomes distraught enough to shake the dream at the suggestion that Jade and Floyd, his two closest friends, are threatening to leave him. In book 4, Azul tries to be cool and play off this fear as the inevitable, that he's fully aware that the Leeches will discard him if he stops being entertaining to them, and that he's prepared for that when it happens. But... is that really the truth, given how Azul reacts in book 7? Everything leading up to this moment seems to imply Azul was just lying to himself, perhaps in an attempt to quell his own anxieties about the possibility. And given how Azul is shown to be calculated in cultivating a put-together public persona, I would not be shocked to learn that. It wouldn't make him seem strong or confident if he displayed weakness or fear over losing his right-hand men. I don't even know that he's purposefully telling a lie. It could very well be something Azul tells himself and believes in, but deep down he cannot truly know how emotional he would get if it ever happened.

As soon as Azul starts to wake, the mermobs of his Coral Rush team are the ones who come in and pull him deeper into the dream. Interesting to have just mobs doing this rather than a dream!Jade or dream!Floyd, given how important they seem to be to Azul. Maybe that's just how the surface level of the dream works? Like, it prioritizes lavishing Azul with general attention rather than the attention of two specific people since, in this dream's reality, Azul never bonded with Jade and Floyd (so those two wouldn't be as convincing?).

When Azul is being dragged into the darkness, Jade and Floyd don't go after him. Instead, they kinda just sit back and claim it's Azul's choice to dream more deeply so who are they to interfere? It takes some convincing from Ortho to convince the twins to pursue Azul into the next layer of the dream--but after the twins depart, Ortho wonders if Jade and Floyd being this cold is actually their way of showing trust. This sort of behavior is why I stress so often that we cannot take what the Octatrio do and say at face value all of the time. They have completely different ways of expressing that they care, and they don't always mean what they insist they mean. (KEEP THIS IN MIND BECAUSE IT COMES BACK INTO PLAY SOON.) In the second layer of Azul's dream, we revisit the events of book 3 had he been successful. He's setting that final class trip picture on fire and relishing in his total conquest of Night Raven College. Azul has ~500 golden contracts, the UMs of the other dorm leaders, and even has Crowley under his thumb--and this time, there's a dream!Jade and dream!Floyd to enjoy that victory with him. The rescue squad has to trick Azul into accidentally sanding his own contracts again, and it's that loss that finally breaks him. Again, we see how much of his own self-worth and value Azul places in that which he collects. It all ties back to that fear of not having anything of worth--not even allies to call his own--if he loses what he believes makes him desirable. At this point, Azul begins to sink into that final layer of his dream (the part where he confronts his OB self). This time, the twins lunge after him, calling out Azul's name and instructing him to grab onto them (+ Jade tells Floyd to help him pull). UM, HELLO????? The "take my hand" imagery, that symbol of trust and connection, from all the way at the start of the game is rearing its head here 😭 AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN CRAZIER???? The twins just... let go after that??? But not because they don't give a crap about Azul--no, it's because they care and believe that he can fend for himself, that he's no longer a weak person who cries and needs their support to stand on his own. Jade sends him off with a "good luck" and Floyd asks of Azul to not go to hell. Azul casually says the same right back to them before descending. And, just as the twins suspected, Azul is able to win against his inner demons and return to them, safe and sound. They were right about Azul, and Ortho was right about the Leeches. For as cold as Jade and Floyd seem to act, it's actually a front for how much they care.

In the segment where Azul faces his Phantom, he cites that the weight of everything he has taken from others has made it difficult to move. Taken literally, it of course could refer to the tentacles of his merform making it hard for him to swim. Metaphorically though? It can easily mean that he can't achieve personal growth if he's burdened by the weight of his sins (stolen talents, items, etc.). These things he stole may glitter, but they are not gold and he now realizes they aren't things he actually finds valuable. Azul wants to go out there and find things of "real value". I interpret this to mean intangible things that can't really have a price put to them, things that cannot be bought in stores... like friendship, the very thing he has with the twins but failed to call it that this entire time.

Everything in these dreams, and more specifically Azul's dream, demonstrates the Octatrio's mutual respect and trust in one another. Jade and Floyd acknowledge Azul as a strong individual, and Azul's subconscious reveals that he deeply values the twins and seeks their approval even when they've been removed from the picture.

[brooklynisher]

Hey all, you ever hear of Jaunty?

[x]

Do you WANT to learn more about Jaunty?

Well I dug deep, and found some things I never thought I could find. I'm really excited to share what I've found with y'all. This post is sort of a little journey of how I found Jaunty.

There's a few sections to this.

Skip to But where does Jaunty come from? If you just want answers

Is Jaunty even a real character?

Jaunty, from what I originally found, is SUPPOSEDLY a Steam Powered Giraffe character. But where have we seen this character before? Was it the comic? Was it the timeline? Maybe in a song cover? Does the band ever talk about Jaunty?

And to answer all of your questions, no! At least not that I knew of. The only source of Jaunty’s existence is here.

The Steam Powered Giraffe Wiki

So that makes this whole thing pretty complicated right? The wiki has info, and it’s not too inaccurate most of the time, but some of the lesser known/more nuanced information tends to get scuffed.

It really doesn’t help knowing that David has mentioned before that the information on the wiki wasn't that accurate.

What I’m saying is, the only proof we have for the existence of this character is on what might be one of the more unreliable sources of SPG information.

But despite that, this page is special in the fact that SUPPOSEDLY it was uploaded by Steam Powered Giraffe themselves!

[x]

However, there isn’t really much of any information on this user at all. All we know is that they founded this wiki, added a few characters and a bit of information, and then became inactive. Really our biggest reasoning for believing that this was an actual SPG member is the fact that they are the founder and have been around for a very long time.

Okay, suspicions aside, let’s see what I found about this thing.

What the wiki tells us

One, this image was touched by the founder of this wiki twice, it was uploaded in 2011, and in 2014 they protected the page, which means only the administrators can edit the page.

[x]

Both are pretty major years for SPG being the year Upgrade left the band and the year Rabbit transitioned, but there’s not many connections you can make with that.

This user was first active in 2010 and last seen in 2015 [x]

Cool dates to have, but not a lot to work with. It mainly gives us a clear vision of what SPG was looking like at the time of the creation of this page. I can see this thing being used for a special, slightly themed show.

Of course, the information the wiki alone offers is very limited, but we know two things for sure. One, this character is a robot being under the category of robots, and two, these photos were taken by Cineria.

[x]

So, here's the problem, you'd think that by having the name of the photographer, we could get far with that, but unfortunately, it is such a vague name, that there is just no way we could figure out who Cineria actually is. It really doesn't help that they don't seem to be a professional photographer. The only page I could find that connects both the name Cineria and Steam Powered Giraffe is this one.

Useless information

I started searching for stuff by reverse searching it. It wasn't really successful, as I was expecting, but I did find one thing.

A different source.

This source doesn't go anywhere must you know. The ORIGINAL site, florist.buketbunga.com is still up an active serving as an Indonesian site for selling flowers, but this very specific link is broken, and the Wayback Machine doesn't know a thing about it.

The good news is, the link title alone gives us a ton of stuff to work with! Appropriately, the last part of this link translates to "Flower Bouquet Florist Shop Address Nearest 24 Hours Online", which makes sense.

What DOESN'T make sense is everything else coming before it. Specifically the Team Fortress 2 Wiki. This made me believe that someone used these sites to create a scam link, but it's weird because somehow, it's relevant?

Yandex was able to match these images of Jaunty to this site, and what's crazier, Jaunty is in the title of the link! But it's not just Jaunty, it's the Jaunty Explorer.

I did some searching, and discovered that the Jaunty Explorer originates from a TF2 livestream charity event called Tip of the Hats! Donations can earn you medals known as the Jaunty Explorer ($10 Donations), the Jaunty Ranger ($30 Donations), and the Jaunty Mountaineer ($100 Donations). They can come in many different color variations, but here are the main ones.

[x] [x] [x]

There are TWO connections between this and SPG. One, the shared name of Jaunty, and two, hats. Steam Powered Giraffe is pretty big on hats. But, bad news, these are completely unrelated. Main reasoning? The image of Jaunty was posted to the wiki back in 2011, while Tip of the Hats as an event started back in 2013. Can't even take the "SPG was inspired by TF2" route with that.

Okay, but what even IS it?

Now we get into the visual aspect of this!

I tried to see if there was at least any way to identify what this is, but that solely relies on observational skills. There are two images of this thing, but the image with the blue background is much easier to make out.

[x]

There's a lot that's going on with the design of Jaunty. Unfortunately, I'm not smart enough to identify what half of the doodads are. This machine, whether it's an actual machine or just a prop, is definitely a one of a kind as I couldn't find anything like this.

I talked with @boneinator about this, and he was able to read the text: "STAND CLEAR!" on the top of the doors of this machine which lead him to believe that it might be a time machine of sorts.

What we both managed to agree on when it came to the design of this thing however, was that it looks like a cabinet.

Now, like I said, this thing has a one of a kind design, so it's not going to look exactly like one thing or another, but it has similar features to other things such as to this cabinet

[x]

Two longer doors on the upper half, and two smaller doors/drawers on the bottom. Is that actually what it is? I didn't know, but there is a resemblance.

One thing that's REALLY interesting about this machine is the intense amount of steam it lets out.

[x]

So it's definitely a very active machine.

But where does Jaunty come from?

Something I've been wondering is how much of this is actually connected to SPG.

Is it theirs? Is this a part of a bigger thing? Is it just associated with them?

A bigger thing. There is one example of a big SPG show that comes to mind, and it was not just them.

During their 15 Year Anniversary Livestream, the band was asked about their favorite memories. Bunny mentions that one of her favorite memories was at a show called Clockwork Vaudeville. This was one of the band's first time having a massive audience. According to her, this was a time traveling show, and they performed alongside others.

I looked into it and found that the full name of this performance is called Clockwork Vaudeville Circus Cabaret. And there, I found a little advertisement for it as well!

The Kickstarter for this show started in late 2010

I did some more searching and realized there is a bunch of video from this show out there though all these clips are recorded at random intervals. Assuming that the uploader posted these clips close to the date of the actual show, we can see that this show took place in February of 2011!

About one month after this show, this page was added to the wiki.

I checked the clips, and guess what.

[x]

Right there in the corner, there was Jaunty.

But that's not all

Not only have a found a video that contained Jaunty, I found a video that contained Jaunty in action!

[x]

Unbelievably enough, it was a video of the band performing Honeybee alongside a pole dancer. And thanks to the title, we now know that this show took place February 19, 2011

Which all this confirms 100% that Jaunty IS a time machine.

Now with all things considered, Jaunty is not necessarily an "SPG character" as in they didn't create it. It's hard to say if Jaunty is even a character at all at this point! But it does exist in their world and they actively interact with it!

Who cheered? I cracked the code!

[fivelasanctum]

Tragic Misunderstanding?

Now tell me if this is a stretch or not. I think the whole 'dumping' during the fight with Bennifer was more of a misunderstanding than Lila just ending things with Five right then and there. Prior to her yelling "it's over five!" He and Diego had been fist fighting intensely for a good amount of the fight. All Five's resentment toward Diego being a possible obstacle to his happiness with lila rushing out. He had to restrain himself when they returned to the house (for the most part) We remember how protective and defensive Five was for Dolores when she would be touched or referred to rudely. Lila was real and had become his partner and lover in all ways. So feelings would be more volatile towards Diego. What with kissing and touching on her. That and Diego ordering him to "Stay away from my wife!" That set Five off since I believe he has seen lila as his wife in a manner of speaking from all the years spent together. Serving the roles that a husband would for a wife. Protector, provider and a source of love and comfort. Five also was present when lila told Diego she wanted a break. Which let's be honest, is often the kiss of death for relationships. Surprised it took them so long to let the walls down and finally be together ^^

When five and diego were fighting, lila jumped in front of them to scold them both for fighting at a time like that. Five said "He wanted to kill him." A bit of old, rage filled five from the previous seasons creeped out. Think Lila was frustrated and losing her temper over all the testosterone with their brawling. That and Allison almost dying, the tentacles whipping around causing many of their family members to almost lose their life or at the very least be seriously injured. Why she locked eyes with him for a long moment since he was murderous. Saying how it was over. Think she meant the fighting over her. Time and place for all that. Not in such a dire situation like the one they were presently in.

Understandable that Five would assume the worse with her harsh words. His heart broke in the Greenhouse when she used her sharp tongue to diminish their relationship (for a moment anyway). Five is extremely perceptive and well tuned to her tells and every nuance with her. Being together constantly for 7 years would do that. Far more than The Handler when she mentioned she knew everything about lila essentially when she tried to deny feeling anything for Diego in season 2. So I hope he read between the lines. Still didn't prevent his heart from hurting...his greatest fear is loneliness. Think due to the kids, thought he would be forsaken in favor of returning to the 'broken marriage'. So when she says those words, he looked between her and Diego and assumed the worse. That he truly lost her and she made her decision. Quickly blinking away. Now what gave life to this theory was Lila's wide-eyed expression and uttering "shit." Right after he did what five usually does, blinked away when it did suit his fancy. Someone who meant to break up with the other party wouldn't look stunned with the 'Oh shit' face when the person gets the hell out of there to lick the emotional wounds. That looks like a clear, 'what have I done?' Expression. Then to add insult to injury, she couldn't very well leave since everyone was in the midst of being attacked by the world destroying bennifer monster. Even if she did choose to go after him, he blinked away first so her opening to borrow and mimic his blink ability left with him. Since five and his power are the only ways to reach that waypoint alternate timeline subway station.

He does return. Mentioning how he didn't intend to come back. That focus on Diego's face possibly meant he had hoped he stayed gone since Lila loves him and all. Anyway, when Five does come back it's pure relief in seeing him return. Having thought she probably wouldn't have laid eyes on him again with everything that transpired and her inability to follow him.

[secriden]

love sea episode 2 rewatch thoughts:

in hindsight, this opening should've clued us in that this episode was going to be horny as fuck.

ok so if episode 1 was about establishing mahasamut, i think the purpose of episode 2 is really to give us a much more nuanced introduction to tongrak. what's fascinating is that the show chooses to impart this insight to us through a rather unusual medium: sex (and, specifically, tongrak's attitude about sex).

we open with kinky kinky beach sex and it tells us that tongrak is impulsive, hedonistic, and tends to give into the emotions of the moment (something that, as the series develops, he does with increasingly self-sabotaging results; eg. when he lashes out at mahasamut after the 1st run in with prin or when he runs off to appease jak when he gets fearful in episode 9).

it also tells us that tongrak is very comfortable with his physical wants and needs. sure, mahasamut kinda flusters him because he awakens desires that are more intense than he's is used to, but tongrak's still grounded enough in his sense of self that he can roll with it pretty quickly and becomes an active, willing, even enthusiastic participant. (it's not going to be his physical desire that drives a wedge between them; its going to be the emotional connection that ends up being terrifying to tongrak.)

this episode also lays a ton of groundwork to set up why and how intensely mahasamut and tongrak are drawn to each other.

a lot of it, early on, is purely physical.

mahasamut and tongrak clock that they're compatible in their (D/s) kink immediately and they embrace this with gleeful abandonment. other people have made this point a lot more clearly than i could ever hope to (see @williamrikers excellent analysis of mutrak's kink dynamic), so i won't belabour the point, but i would like to point out how thoroughly the show wants the audience to know that these two are a perfect match physically and sexually (specifically with their particular kinks) and that they are incredibly comfortable with that.

(an aside: one thing i adore about peat's portrayal of tongrak's submissiveness in the beach scene is the way he starts out being the initiator in the kiss - in the gif above, it's tongrak that grabs mahasamut and yanks him into the kiss at first - but once its clear that mahasamut is on board, tongrak is almost constantly angled up, head tipped back, responding to mahasamut's cues but making no attempt to direct whats happening. there's so much surrender in the pliant way peat holds himself as they kiss and the way he goes from pulling mahasamut into the kiss to just clinging to his torso as he lets mahasamut take control. even when he reaches for mahasamut's dick, the second mahasamut pins him down and gives him an instruction, tongrak makes no attempt to redirect and just goes with what mahasamut wants. there's just such great detail in this portrayal of surrender.)

but what makes this encounter different (from the many, many other ones they've both had) is going to be how neither of them were able to keep this connection as purely physical for very long. (this is what episode 3 is for, though, so lets put a pin in that thought.)

back to insights into tongrak's character: we also get an escalation/confirmation about how tongrak views sex (and relationships) as purely transactional. tongrak's entire backstory is grounded in the idea that 'everybody has a price' because that's what his parents showed him. to tongrak, every human interaction is about finding the right things to give (usually money in his case) to get what he wants and this has allowed him to rationalise that feelings and emotions (both his own/the other person's) don't matter.

tongrak firmly believes that as long as he's offering something of sufficient (monetary) value, he's perfectly within rights to demand what he wants without consulting mahasamut's feelings, wants, or thoughts about the matter. in fact, he thinks of mahasamut as kind of an object for his sexual gratification and/or convenience. this is why he feels no remorse about kicking mahasamut out after they have sex even though mahasamut clearly wants to cuddle/come down from the physical high together. the next morning, it never pings to him that he should be guilty about how he treated mahasamut.

(look at his face. he's such an entitled diva. i love him so much.)

not only is this attitude - in reality - a very inaccurate way to view human beings (because as a species we are creatures very much led by our emotions), but it is the source of tongrak's own dissatisfaction and unhappiness. he never acknowledges any of his own emotional needs and so cannot manage or address them in a meaningful or healthy way.

so to summarise tongrak understands and is comfortable with his physical desires but does not know how to even acknowledge his emotional ones whilst impulsively being led by them in the heat of the moment: already we can see that this is a recipe for disaster and tells an unspoken story of pain and trauma.

(i also want to mention how well mahasamut continues to respond to tongrak's specific brand of caustic entitlement. he doesn't bother making a big deal about tongrak throwing money at him, but he also never names a price for his 'services' either. he blatantly refers to tongrak as his "owner" but also makes it clear that it's not tongrak's money that's keeping him around, but rather mahasamut's own desire for tongrak. it's like he'll act in tongrak's play but he won't quite stick to the script either. its so, so effective because he doesn't trigger tongrak's fight or flight response but he's still undermining and proving tongrak's assumptions wrong at every turn. this is what allows mahasamut to worm his way behind tongrak's walls whilst simultaneously chipping away at them.)

one last little bit of (this time non-sex-adjacent) insight into tongrak: he has a great capacity for compassion. (which will, eventually, turn into love.)

mahasamut, at this point, is mostly just an incredible lay to tongrak. but already he shows care and concern for mahasamut that's separate from what he can offer tongrak. he's concerned at a (relatively minor) hint that mahasamut has been mistreated in the past and then again concerned that mahasamut will suffer the repercussions of any hit to his reputation. [note: this is informed by a backstory regarding homophobia on the island that's from Khom/Connor's story in Love Sand, but even without that insight we can see tongrak's concern is for mahasamut.] (again, this is something the show is setting up to callback to later when tongrak gets offended on mahasamut's behalf when he thinks the waiter made fun of mahasamut.)

these little glimpses give us such a contrasting perspective on tongrak compared to episode 1, where he was mostly just a rich, entitled, and fairly unlikable character. we're being shown that what we've seen so far is really a mask as tongrak's true character slowly starts bleeding through as he has more interactions with mahasamut.

and then the episode closes on heartbreak: You're aware aren't you? Love is just a figment of our imagination.

tongrak's expression right before he says this is filled with resignation and disappointment. he hates that he has to say it but he feels its his duty to burst mahasamut's bubble. he genuinely believes this and so to him he's just doing mahasamut a favour by telling him a Truth about life. for us, this is the final crack in the mask and we see just how lost and fragile and hurt tongrak truly is.

(and the way peat sells this part - the cold almost clinical look in his eyes when he says the line. the tiny pout of his lips like tongrak can't help but feel sad about it, even though he accepts it as reality. the cold, flat tone peat uses to deliver the line when tongrak's usually quite expressive and uses lots of inflections and intonations in his speech. ugh <3)

but this is also really important because this is why we, the audience, start to care about tongrak. mame takes us on this journey, sets us up to wonder why tongrak's the main character when he starts out kinda of awful and then shifts the ground out from under us by showing us his soft, wounded underbelly. we can't help but want him to be loved, now, and this is why we become invested in 'tongrak mahasamut'.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Y'know, if Lila was just a one-off character for Volpina and we never saw her again, a few tweaks in that episodes writing could have made it a good lesson about not letting your temper get the best of you, even in a situation where your anger is justified

This is in reference to the post where I discussed how terrible Volpina's lesson is and I agree with the proposed change. If Marinette has to be in the wrong here, that's the only way to make it kind of work. In fact, this is what I thought the episode was trying to do on my first watch. When the next season started with Lila gone, I thought, "Okay, so that episode was supposed to be about being the better person and having a more measured response when you've been wronged. I don't think it did that lesson super well, but I can see what they were going for and we'll give them some grace. Definitely one that I wouldn't just give to a kid, though. Way too high a risk of them internalizing a very wrong message."

I only gave the writers that grace because I assumed that Ladybug had truly humiliated Lila out of Paris off screen (remember, we only see Ladybug out Lila to Adrien even though Lila was lying to everyone) and that is a pretty extreme punishment for a teenager making a dumb choice. Even then, saying that Ladybug was in the wrong feels a little too victim blame-y for my tastes. Lila was the one telling the lies and using Ladybug's name for clout on a city-wide scale or possibly even a national/international scale depending on the Ladyblog's viewership. By telling those lies, Lila was harming Alya's credibility and presenting herself as a sort of authority on Ladybug, a position that she was going to use to her advantage as we saw with her manipulating Adrien. She was also putting herself at risk if Gabriel or other villains believed the lies and saw her as a way to get to Ladybug.

That means that the lies Lila told aren't exactly minor, victimless crimes like the lies Marinette and Adrien tell to hide their identities. Lilia's lies needed to be outed on the same scale that they were broadcast and there's no kind way to do that. It's going to have a brutal edge no matter how pretty the words are.

There are times when it's right to be "the better person" and let a thing go, but it's hard to view this as one of them because this was not a nuanced situation. There was no reasonable option other than issuing a public retraction and Ladybug didn't even go that far! She had a single, private confrontation with Lila and then let the matter rest. A better version of this episode might see Alya and Marinette giving a really mean retraction on the Ladyblog that they then feel bad about because they should have been more professional, but that's about it as far as possible improvements go.

If we look at what the episode actually gave us, it feels like another Gamer situation. An episode that blames Marinette for impure motivations while ignoring anyone else's faults, creating a nonsense moral that just makes me mad. Ladybug-is-wrong-for-confronting-the-liar-for-impure-reasons is certainly a take. It's just not one that I'm ever going to agree with. To give a recent, real-world example, do people really feel that James Somerton was the wronged party because his many, many lies and instances of plagiarism were outed in a brutal public takedown? (Context part 1 & part 2, though part 2 is the one to watch if you only want to see why letting lies from respected sources go unchecked can be so messy.)

To be clear, I don't think that Lila's lies were Somerton bad in Volpina, but they were starting to go down that road and they arguably reached Somerton levels by season five. Fakes identities, almost getting Marinette expelled, using her lies to get social power from Gabriel, the list goes on, which is yet another reason to hate Volpina. Its nonsense moral is a big part of why Lila could do all of that. Ladybug should have outed Lila! Society suffered and will continue to suffer because she didn't. That's why you have to stop misinformation as soon as you possibly can, but that wasn't actually the moral of Volpina. The moral was that Ladybug was in the wrong for being mean to the liar. Maybe if she'd been nicer, then Lila wouldn't be so evil now which is a very gross moral! Volpina really does feel even more victim blame-y now that Lila is the new big bad.

That's a good segue to circle back and finish off my original topic: I gave the writers grace for Volpina until Lila returned and established that she'd never been publicly outed. At that point, Volpina lost any chance at me giving it charity. The lesson was worse than I thought and I was fully justified in hating it. It's one of the ones I use when I explain why I wouldn't want a child getting into Miraculous because the problem with Volpina's moral is pretty straightforward.

[micamicster]

HII MICA i just wanted to ask your thoughts in the new season now that youve finished it, especially your favorite moments, episodes, and songs!!

Ok here are my long awaited (sorry babe!) season 2 thoughts! This really got away from me haha but long story short: I loved it ❤️

Long story medium: Nida Manzoor has done it again—beautiful, vibrant, funny, and poignant. A season 2 that succeeds in expanding the world and deepening our understanding of the characters. And the songs are great!

Long story LONG: under the cut <3 (and also I’ve reread this and i have managed to avoid any major spoilers so if you haven’t watched yet this post should be safe!)

I went into this season VERY apprehensive. I think the first season is a practically perfect season of television, and over the last few years I’ve had plenty of time to think of all the ways a second season could fail to deliver. But as the credits rolled on season 2 episode 1 my sister and I just sat there grinning at the screen like you guys we are SO back!!!!

Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The writing: Nida Manzoor has a knack for putting her finger right on the sore spot—right on the place where the show is most likely to receive criticism, and digging in. Not in a gotcha, bad faith sort of way, but by pulling those issues apart and showing how painful and complicated and nuanced these questions of representation and responsibility really are. Not to give too many spoilers but whew. Her episode fives! Other people can speak to this better than me but this seasons episode 5 was raw, painful, pointed… simultaneously a criticism of art and representation as political commentary, and like the only possible political commentary that could be made under these conditions. Fictional battles with censorship, identity, representation, and responsibility meet the very real world, where Nida Manzoor is producing a real show. To quote manzoor herself, “i don’t want to give the answer to the audience because i don’t have it—I don’t want to ever feel like I’m preaching or delivering a sermon about anything; instead, just posing the question.” It’s such a good show guys.

Character Arcs: The arcs given to the band members who were secondary characters in season one were executed beautifully. Getting more insight into Taz, Ayesha, and Bisma (and giving more to do to their incredible actresses!) was exactly what I’d hoped for from a season 2.

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part A: While I loved (and badly wanted!) more time with the other girls, I did miss the tight focus on saira and Amina as narrative foils and drivers of each others character development that season one had. Not just from a shipping perspective! (although we all know I’m guilty of shipping for sure lol). But I did miss their relationship, and a longer season would have given us more time to spare from the other important arcs going on to return to things I loved about season one.

Compared to season 1: One difference I noticed was how the surrealist elements aren’t only contained to Amina/her narration anymore, but that other characters have them or interact with them (Bisma pausing her arguments, Ahsan trying and failing to interrupt the spotlight on Amina and Billy). I thought it was a great way to show how much closer the characters have become (that Ahsan would even notice Amina’s little fantasy!) and also as a way to give narration over to different characters (Bisma being the clear pov in those fights as compared to Amina narrating things she’s only heard about in season 1). Another difference is how each episode of season 1 is so well-contained and precise, while I feel the show sprawls more in season 2 as a result of expanding the world and becoming more of a true ensemble show. This isn’t a criticism—shows need to expand in order to continue to grow! Just an observation, which leads us to:

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part 2: Around episode 4 and 5 I wondered if they were going to be able to tie everything up, given how many complex issues and conflicts had been raised. I had no reason to doubt—Nida Manzoor brought these conflicts and arcs to deeply satisfying conclusions, without feeling like these issues lost nuance or were reduced in complexity for the sake of a finale. It’s incredible what all she managed to achieve in 6 episodes! That said, I would have loved to have been able to see more of the characters journeys, and one or two more episodes would have given things more room to breathe. I would have loved to see more of Taz’s work with other artists, or Saira becoming more comfortable with the idea of herself as a mentor. Bisma’s arc in particular I thought could have used more time, although Faith Omole’s stunning performance of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood does beautiful emotional work for her arc (and tbh for everyone else’s arcs—it’s a centerpiece of the episode and a great example of what a song can do for character, emotion, and arc in a musical narrative). Which brings us to!

The performances/songs: Putting these two together to say that every actress delivered an incredible award-worthy performance, juggling comedy and dramatic acting skillfully. And the songs! Villain Era is on fucking repeat in this house. Already said Misunderstood is amazing but it should be said again. Nina is pretty much the toughest act in the world to follow but Faith fucking does it. Stunning ❤️ Speaking of Faith her doing the voices in Oops I Did It Again was the happiest I’ve been all year oh my god this show is so much funnnnnnn everyone watch it it’s so! fun!

[toastofthetrashfire]

My Top Shows 2023

Doing this at the last minute but here goes--the top 10 shows I watched in 2023!

*Note: I rate my shows on a letter scale cause I don't like narrowing it down to a specific number. (S-standout As-Strong Bs-Fine Cs-There's some problems Ds-ooof)

1. Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

This one instantly became an all time favorite. It covers themes about grief and loss in a deeply empathetic and humanizing way along side the supernatural elements. I don't know if it's because I've experienced loss myself or because it's a universal experience, but I love shows like this that help you understand what it means to grieve and heal in a familiar yet new light. It reminded me a lot of Natsume Yuujinchou (another favorite) in that respect.

Aside from the larger themes, you have a distinct directing style, quirky sense of humor, well-rounded cast of characters, and excellent acting (the lead actor was also in Your Name Engraved Herein and he's just as standout here). In addition to all that, the show gives us a main trio of characters whose strengths are deliberately not their wits. This is used for humor but also to make more meaningful points about connection, empathy, and different ways of thinking (yes, I headcanon the main trio as neurodivergent).

Rating: S+

2. The Eighth Sense

This show! Another piece that is deeply rooted in exploring trauma and loss. This time within the framework of a romance. I'm usually pretty hesitant with stories that bring disability into romance, especially mental illness. There's a tendency to lean into the idea that love cures all and other not so great tropes. The Eighth Sense does a great job balancing that line, giving us romantic beats without wading into them uncritically. In the end, healing and love are things we choose not something guaranteed, but there's still an immense hope in that. I'm an giant sucker for shows that tackle both queer and crip experiences with nuance and grace, and the Eighth Sense hit that mark for me (so much so it even had me writing a little meta). On top of that it has beautiful cinematography and visual choices.

Rating: S

3. Moonlight Chicken

A beautiful show all around! P'Aof constantly knocks it out of the park with every show he directs, but I felt particularly strong about Moonlight Chicken. I adore the way it centers on themes of home and community. It even inspired some meta and a bit of personal reflection for me on what it means to choose home as someone who is queer and disabled. The show gives us the messiness that comes with navigating new and old relationships and somehow also the simplicity of it all. And of course, the show includes a Deaf character and handles his story with nuance and clear care.

Rating: S

4. Shadow

Singto, Fluke, and Fiat in a queer horror show--sign me up! It wasn't as scary as I expected, more psychological (which is good because I am so picky about what types of horror are too much for me vs what I enjoy). I loved the way the show played with time and reality and drew upon various religious practices to create a unique atmosphere. I also adored the attention to small details that make the piece ripe for analysis. I will probably be eyeing clocks and tech in many shows to come. It's also a show that is bringing up themes about queerness, mental illness, domestic violence, and historical trauma. I'm continually drawn to pieces that are queer and crip, so I suppose it's no surprise that this one drew me in too.

I know this show was divisive, about as many people thought it stuck the landing as didn't. I happen to land in the former category. I adore media that makes me stop and think, and given the amount of meta the show had/has me writing, I'd say it well and truly tickled my brain. The show didn't always go where I most wanted or expected but I think that challenged me even more to really think about what the show might be trying to do (my thoughts on that here, spoilers though).

Rating: S

5. Our Dining Table

Japan does a lot of things well, but I'm particularly fond of their slice-of-life. Our Dining Table fits right in there with food and found family at the center. It's warm and cute, but has a depth beyond it's soft exterior, delving into loss, loneliness, and what it means to be fully seen by those around us. All of this tied up in a queer bow. It was easily the show I was most excited to watch each week when it was airing.

Rating: S

6. Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Another one I fell in love with this year! While it has plenty of tropes, cutting through the core of all of this is the growing friendship between the main trio, especially between Li Lian Hua and Fang Duo Bing. Their relationship and personal growth as characters was really beautiful to watch, on top of it just being a fun show with a great balance of humor and drama. Plus Fang Duo Bing's mom 😍

Rating: S

7. One Room Angel

Another solid entry out of Japan. As much as I love Japan's bright slice-of-life offerings like Our Dining Table, they also excel at stories that don't shy away from heavy or complex emotional themes. And I'm noticing as I tackle this post that I really resonate with heavy themes. One Room Angel has it's lighter moments and own quirky humor. But it also tackles depression and suicide as it explores the journey of finding enough connection and meaning in life to keep moving forward.

Rating: S

8. I Feel You Linger in the Air

I Feel You Linger in the Air was such a beautiful show! I'm so happy we got a historical thai bl this year and that it was so so lovely. I really liked last year's To Sir With Love but it does have it's Lakorn/soap style that is a bit more of an obstacle for me. IFYLITA certainly has it's drama, but it feels more tightly drawn. Throw in a little time travel and beautiful love scenes and it was a delight to watch.

Rating: S

9. My Beautiful Man S2, Eternal

When I watched the first season of My Beautiful Man I liked it but wasn't exactly sold. I read a bit of meta from the community which changed my tune a bit. But it wasn't until watching season 2 and Eternal that something really clicked. I immediately went back and watched season 1 after finishing the film and oh boy did I fall in love. Not only do S2 and Eternal give us great character growth and forward motion to Hira and Kiyoi's relationship, and they feel like a natural expansion of the first season in the best way possible. What can I say, I love the whole series!

Rating: A+

10. Kiseki: Dear to Me

Kiseki: Dear to Me feels like an outlier to me. It's hard for me to put my finger on just what made it click for me, but I was so into it when it was airing. I recognize that plot wise this show is a bit of a mess, but at the same time it hit something just right in my brain. Perhaps it was the emotional intimacy the actors portrayed? They did a fantastic job drawing me in. Apart from that I couldn't take my eyes off of Ai Di's impeccable fashion choices, and the many many cameos were quite fun.

Rating: A+ YMMV

A few close contenders:

My School President (S) *split airing 22' and 23'

Tokyo in April Is... (A+)

Laws of Attraction (A)

Bed Friend (A)

The End of the World with You (A)

Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend (A)

If it's with You (A)

Our Dating Sim (A)

Love Tractor (A)

The Warp Effect (A) *split airing 22' and 23'

The New Employee (A) *split airing 22' and 23'

La Pluie (A-)

Midnight Museum (A-)

[calaisreno]

Rise

621 words / Prompt: Family

Today’s mini-fic is a little bit that didn’t make it into The Last Envoy. After the war, Sherlock returns and visits Mummy. 

1946

Mycroft told me that Mummy was failing a bit, but that was not what I saw when I looked through the garden door and saw her snipping flowers to put in a vase. She looked like the woman I’d last seen four years ago, before I went to Oxford, still tall and straight, graceful and beautiful.

Four years seemed a lifetime. Years filled with separation and waiting, spent in places only war can create. 

“Happy Birthday, Mummy,” I said, smiling. 

She turned then, and I could see that her hair was whiter, her movements slower. She lay down the scissors and put her arms around me, still holding two roses. I felt her hands tremble against my back.

“My boy,” she whispered. “My dearest darling.”

She knew me, but in her mind I was always the son she’d lost, so many years ago. A bright little boy she’d called Sherlock, as well as the man Mycroft had named after that child. 

“How are you?” I could see a brightness in her eyes and was glad that her mind was still active. 

“I’m fine,” she replied, holding me at arm’s length now and examining me with that sharp gaze. “You look surprisingly well. Doctor Watson has been taking good care of you.”

“He has. Switzerland is a very healthy place to live. Up in the mountains, the air is crystal clear. I’m sure I’ll miss it and will need to visit again some day, but for now I’m happy to be back.”

We sat, and Rose brought us tea. 

“Mycroft told me about your experiences. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s heart-breaking that people can do such things.”

I did not speak; a question should not be answered until it is asked.  

“How is John?” she asked.

“He’s fine. He would have come with me, but he had to be at the hospital today.”

“He’s a good man. I’m glad you have him.” 

“I’m very lucky.” 

We sipped our tea in silence. I could hear the bees humming in her flowers. Closing my eyes, I recalled the first time I saw bees travelling between the flowers in Mycroft’s garden. I imagined a day when I could no longer sit in Mummy’s garden, watching the bees and talking to her.  

As if she could hear my thoughts, she smiled and spoke to me. 

“I’m seventy-five years old today, Sherlock. With luck, I may have several more birthdays.”

“I hope so, Mummy.” 

She gave me that familiar look, the one that means she wants to share something personal, words for my ears alone. “You once described to me how the Beta view time as an arrow, always travelling up, leaving the past behind. It’s a good way to look at ageing, which often feels like loss. I’ve decided that as the years pile up, I will rise above them, into the future.”

In my mind I sometimes felt myself looking back as my ship moved up and away from Beta, my home planet, until it sparkled, a tiny point of light in the trackless black universe. I remembered everything about my home, every one of the people who loved me. They were moving quickly into the past, growing smaller as I looked back. I was flying away from them, but still too far away from my destination to see the life I would have on a planet that couldn’t be seen from Beta. In my memories, they were always looking up, watching me leave them.

That is how it would be for this woman who had become my second mother. In my memories, she would always live. 

One day, I would be a Memory too.

I smiled. “We all rise.” 

—

For a bit of context, an excerpt from The Last Envoy, Chapter 2:

1938

“How old are you?” I asked.

She raised her chin, a sign of pride. “I am sixty-seven years old.” She leaned forward and patted my knee. I wasn’t sure what this meant. “You’re a lovely boy, Sherlock. I want to teach you something important.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Women don’t like being asked their age,” she said. “I don’t mind because I’m an old woman and you are a lovely young man. You don’t know all of the social nuances, but you’re a quick learner.”

“Why do women not like to be asked their age?” It seemed to me that any human ought to be proud of living so long. 

She sighed. “It’s a bit complicated. Men don’t mind saying their age. You must understand that the role of women in our society is to produce children and raise them. For that, we have to project youth and good heredity, as evidenced by our beauty. A woman hates to think that she is no longer useful, so we continue to foster the illusion that we are still young and beautiful, even when it is a ridiculous fantasy.”

“Why do you think you are not useful?” I asked. “Women are not just breeding machines; they have brains. You had an important job; you’re obviously an intelligent woman who would do a better job running the country than most men.”

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. “I do not disagree. But these are the roles that nature has given us and society requires. Perhaps one day, we will rise above nature and society.” 

@totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes

[birdofmay]

FAQ (updated 9 September 2024)

Medical content: 1. Can I use AAC if I'm not nonverbal? 2. Nuances of being nonverbal 3. Why your brain can't make sense of speech 4. What's CAS? 5. Apraxia vs. dyspraxia 6. Verbality level 7. Alternative terms for losing speech 8. Autism levels 9. Support needs 10. irl contact with me 11. Asking for my opinion

Personal content: 1. Frisian vs. German 2. The Frisian language 3. Metal recommendations 4. Why I have extensive knowledge on metal

Medical questions start here

"Can I use AAC if I'm not nonverbal/nonspeaking?"

Yes. Absolutely. Unless it's a last cookie scenario (you're taking the last cookie even though someone else in the room would need it more), AAC isn't limited. If you benefit from AAC of any kind, use it. You even help to normalise it that way.

Just make sure not to dominate discussions about AAC users who can't speak at all.

"Why do you guys say that nonverbal means you can't speak at all? There's more nuance to that!"

True, but when we gave more nuance, suddenly verbal people thought that they "by definition" are nonverbal/nonspeaking too.

I never learned to speak, but I can sing and make sounds with my mouth and say single words (up to 3 on a good day). And I'm medically considered nonverbal because I can't voluntarily say these words etc.

In my experience it's better to give as little nuance as possible to people who don't know much about us (otherwise they're confused by too much information) and only talk about nuances once they understand the basics...

...which sometimes happens soon but sometimes never at all...

"Sometimes I listen to people and my brain can't make sense of what they say, what's that?" - Maybe....

an ADHD thing

a sensory overload thing

receptive language issues

auditory processing disorder

aphasia

...or check out how language processing and auditory processing works in general, autism can make these things hard without it being an additional disorder ☝🏼

"What's CAS?"

Childhood apraxia of speech (also known as Developmental Verbal Dyspraxia) is a condition where individuals struggle to "let their mouth do what their brain wants" - it's as if mouth and brain don't cooperate

It comes in mild and severe cases and is lifelong (but it's possible to make a lot of progress, depending on the symptoms)

Normally language comprehension isn't impaired, it's just speaking that doesn't work

Check this external Cleveland Clinic link that explains it very well

"Are apraxia and dyspraxia the same? Can regular dyspraxia affect the mouth?"

Apraxia and childhood apraxia of speech aren't the same; usually apraxia is due to brain damage of some kind, and CAS isn't. Dyspraxia often is used to refer to developmental conditions, which is why CAS is also called developmental verbal dyspraxia. Unfortunately, apraxia and dyspraxia are often used interchangeably, so it's necessary to always make it clear what we mean first.

There also is a second definition of dyspraxia and apraxia: dys- means something is impaired and a- means that it's impossible to do/absent. This, again, is why it's important to make it clear what we mean. Medical settings use all of these definitions - yep, that's kind of chaotic 😅

Normal dyspraxia can definitely affect the mouth and the whole face. My sources are people I know from disability programs and therapy, but I've seen papers about that too at some point.

Many people with CAS have normal dyspraxia too (as two different diagnoses), but not everyone.

Yes, CAS can affect fine- and gross motor skills, but that doesn't always make it regular dyspraxia too

"I don't know what my verbality level would be considered!"

Me neither! But check out my masterpost

and don't forget that "unreliably speaking" is for people with "full body apraxia" to describe the brain-body disconnect only.

"I've heard that we shouldn't say "going nonverbal", what other words can we say instead?"

Here, a nice little list!

"I don't know my autism level!"

Me neither, only the DSM-5 has autism levels, I don't have an autism level either.

I was diagnosed with severe autism because they made me take several additional "severity tests" after the normal diagnostic tests.

If your country uses the DSM-5, maybe you've been diagnosed when they still used the DSM-4. Or you simply weren't assigned a level, not every professional does that.

"I don't know what support needs I'd be considered!"

Me neither, but check out my support needs masterpost

A "general rule of thumb" is "Help with IADLs = low support needs, help with IADLs and some BADLs = medium support needs, help with IADLs and most or all BADLs = high support needs", but these categories aren't as strict as they seem.

Do you have care needs? No? Then you're not high support needs, you're most likely low or low-to-mid support needs.

My country re-assesses my support needs regularly; if you're medium or high support needs and weren't medically neglected your whole life, you'd normally know that you're medium or high support needs already, because that's tested (if you're not sure, check the documents). But testing is different from country to country.

Unless, of course, something happened recently that you now suddenly need a lot of help, definitely more than before. In this case there likely wasn't any testing yet. But in that case I can't help you either, because I don't test you.

Note because this still is a common misunderstanding: The DSM-5 says for example "Autism level 1: Requires support", but the support that's meant there has nothing to do with the support needs we're talking about in this and in the linked post. It's a little unfortunate that both say "support" because people always think it's the same when it really really isn't ☝🏼

"How should people who want to be friends with you in real life act, so that you're not overwhelmed?"

See, that's the main difference between my (severe) autism and most people on Tumblr. I'm not interested in real life friends. Chatting via messenger is the most relaxing kind of communication for me.

My parents, carers, accompanying people, etc. tell others exactly what to do or not to do so that I'm not overwhelmed. But you'd mostly speak to them instead of me anyway because direct contact is overwhelming.

"What's your opinion on this term/view/discourse/political topic/debate? Is [thing] offensive?"

I have a language disorder that makes it hard to understand the meaning of things and to connect the word to the meaning of the word. Unless it's a thing of my everyday life, I most likely won't understand this thing or I don't know anything about it.

I may sound quite articulate on here, but I have brain damage from birth; there are many things I don't understand, especially if it's in complex language.

I don't understand politics or money, and I don't understand laws on disability, unless they affect me personally and are those of my country.

------------------------

Personal questions start here

"Wait, you say you're Frisian, but I just saw a post where you said you're German. Are you both or what?"

I quote Wikipedia: "Frisia is a cross-border cultural region in Northwestern Europe. Stretching along the Wadden Sea, it encompasses the north of the Netherlands and parts of northwestern Germany."

My family on my dad's side is East Frisian & my family on my mum's side is North Frisian

By definition, North and East Frisia is in Germany

"Do you speak Frisian?"

Frisian isn't just one language. Google Translate may say "Frisian", but that's actually West Frisian of the Netherlands.

My dad's family speaks East Frisian Low German because the East Frisian language (except for Sater Frisian) is extinct

My mum's side lost their North Frisian language version because it was forbidden multiple times. It is actively revived, but my grandparents are too old to re-learn it successfully

I understand my dad's Low German, but I don't speak it myself

"I'm new to metal. Do you have recommendations?"

Here's a brief overview for beginners!

"How do you know so much about metal? 😮"

Both of my parents AND grandparents are metalheads; my "holiday long car rides" childhood nostalgia songs are mostly Thrash Metal and worse.

While my dad isn't autistic, he's definitely the one I got it from. He has hyperfixated on metal and metal bands since metal came into existence. And he loves to infodump.

Discovering new music is one of my interests. Music is my way to socialise and to understand the world, so when my family still was my only social contact, of course all of this research energy would flow into metal 😄

[aotopmha]

I recently decided to step into FFXIV's Extreme content with Dawntrail's first and second EX trials.

Technically I have done a few of the fights unsynced, but that trivialises them, so doesn't really represent the content well. (I think I did Bismarck, Ravana and just recently Sophia just for getting a sense for how soloing content looks like and what issues you might run into.)

(Spoilers!)

I decided to wait with my post(s) about them either until I have completed my mount farm for both or until the farming got tedious enough to where I got tired of it to get a sense of the complete gameplay loop.

And apparently I got fairly lucky with both mounts, getting EX 1's 20ish clears in and EX 2's 60ish clears in.

So, here are my impressions of the entire journey.

Firstly, I want to talk about getting into the content in the first place because I know many are in a similar position to mine: hesitant to try because of the reputation of the difficulty of the content and (in my specific case) the needed time commitment.

I was pretty unsure whether I would gel with it because I was especially rocky with using the rotation of any of the classes I play and I just don't like dedicating large swathes of time to a single bit of gameplay.

But this experience taught me several things:

1. Technically, I think all you need to step into the content is the appropriate item level gear for the encounter.

Having basic knowledge of the rotation of your class and knowing the unique attributes and differences between tank, melee and healer jobs helps as well, but going in without knowing much is fine.

This is because if you are unsure or hesitant about anything, blind and beginner groups aiming to learn do pop up in Party Finder, particularly during busier times in the day.

If you are unsure of anything, join the respective group and you will actually usually get answers or directions to get answers.

I think you don't *technically* even need food (though it is certainly useful and very much recommended).

Generally, I think Party Finder also does ask for you to familiarise yourself with some general terminology (which you can by looking it up), but even that I mostly learned as I went through different groups.

2. Progress has actually, truly very little to do with how well you play your job and everything to do with how well you understand the mechanics of the fight. My rotation was a complete mess for most of it for either fights.

I've seen it said in various ways that in this game mechanics matter above all, but I think it really needs to be a true selling point for newbies. You don't need to be great with your rotation in progression groups (or even farm groups, though I think there is some nuance to that, just like having food).

3. As I said, my personal biggest hesitation actually wasn't the difficulty, but the time commitment and this experience confirmed to me that I'll probably be sticking with EX content at maximum because everything above this time commitment would probably be too much for me.

I know especially later Savage fights and Ultimates would probably get frustrating to progress to me because they are not only more mechanically intense, but longer fights in general.

Obviously, never say never, and I also know there are easier and harder extremes, but I like the hour lockout and the rough mechanical intensity of these two and it swinging harder or easier, but staying in the same ballpark as these two would be perfect.

Secondly, I think there are two ways to judge each fight.

How fun the fight was to progress through until the first clear and how fun it was to play over and over for farming purposes.

As a springboard, before I go into both aspects, I'll give my general thoughts on both EX fights.

As a tank main especially, Valigarmanda had some of the most satisfying mechanics to keep track of and resolve out of any piece of content I've played so far.

Mountain Fire and its back to back tank busters are obviously the star because you have to think about and use the right mitigation in the right way for your entire party to not die while keeping positioning in mind, but Ruin Foretold is also super fun to do because you have to stay in front of the party and keep positioning in mind, as well.

Outside of the tank aspect, a lot of the other mechanics in the Valigarmanda fight actually aren't super "unique" so to speak, but they are very satisfying to resolve.

I really enjoy the variation of donut/cone AoE/circle AoE you have to keep track of, for example and how that changes in relation to the fire/thunder/ice phases.

Combine all of this with fairly little downtime and you've just got a fight that executes fairly typical FFXIV encounter design really well.

(While having really cool stuff for tanks.)

Zoraal Ja is kind of the opposite for me. It has fairly typical FFXIV encounter design, but is not *as* satisfying to resolve.

I think Projection of Triumph and Drum of Vollok are the most fun mechanics of the fight because the conga line of explosions is a blast (hah) and the flinging from one platform to another is fun, but other than that, even the alterating donut/AoE grid, as unique as it looks, isn't that interesting in terms of substance.

I didn't "hate" any of it, but I also didn't fully love any of it.

With Valigarmanda, I thought the first half was just harder to progress than than the second, but still felt very satisfied when I got the clear.

With Zoraal Ja, I kind of expected another phase.

For contrast between the two ways to judge fights, while I had fun progressing Valigarmanda, it's during farming when I truly grew to love the fight because I just really liked doing it and once I got the weapons for all of the jobs I have and the mount, I felt sad I had no reason to go back.

In turn, when I progressed Zoraal Ja EX, I was intrigued about what would come next and liked seeing how it all came together, but when I first cleared, I felt a little bit underwhelmed. And when I got the mount 60ish clears in, I was truly tired of it.

A great fight is probably one that is both really fun to progress and really fun to farm, but some will probably be more fun to progress and some will probably be more fun to farm.

Progression is all about discovering the fight. With these two fights, I initially joined blind groups, then moved on to groups with a strategy in mind and I think I enjoy doing it like this the most rather than going to a guide right away because that's just how I play all video games and how they fundamentally work?

You just play it and if you're stuck, you look up a guide. In fact, manuals, guides, which explained gameplay mechanics of games, used to be a very popular bundle item with games and you'd use it if you're stuck.

I think farming is when all of the fun optimisation options truly come in because you just know the fight now. I mentioned how using food isn't technically mandatory, but getting everything out of your rotation, never getting hit and using food will get you faster clears; it's just more convinient.

With all of this said because I did have a bunch of fun, I am now, in fact, planning to do all of the extremes eventually!

One of my long-term goals has been to unlock all of the roulettes in the game and mentor roulette is among them.

And you need to do pretty much all of the EXs except the newest ones for it, so I was unsure about setting this as a goal because I didn't know if I would enjoy the content, but based on these two fights I do, so there's now a whole bunch of content I've not gotten to explore for me to explore.

Now, whether I can find groups for them synced, rather than just steamrolling them unsynced to get them done at all, is another aspect of doing the fights entirely.

One final observation I have is that I saw some pretty negative impressions on Party Finder in terms of how players treat each other, but my experience has been 95% positive.

You can immediately tell the vibe of a party by how they react to an unfortunate vipe because usually if too many happen in a row, people just accept it's not working out and disband.

Sometimes farm parties aren't really farm parties. Sometimes you can tell everyone knows the fight and you just have a series of unfortunate pulls.

The most I have encountered in terms of annoying behaviour are just some players demanding perfection, not being patient and not handling others screwing up very well.

But then you have a few occasions where someone just won't shut up and it immediately takes the fun out of playing.

These fights can be cleared with a good amount of mistakes. Adjusting/thinking fast can get you another clear. So if someone is annoying or hyper-critical/sarcastic the entire way through, it's probably not a party that will last long.

But I'm once again appreciative that this kind of experience is really rare. I really, really was expecting a much worse experience with seeing all of those stories about flinging insults and toxicity and how it's the higher-end (or even specifically the "midcore level" between normal and ultimate) content community where the toxicity really happens.

But nah, the worst I had is someone calling the party WoW players and most bad parties were just kind of with a "I think a break is good." mentality.

So, I very much enjoyed my time with these fights and look forward to any of the others.

(Though if someone has some good tank extremes to recommend, I'd probably jump to those first! I enjoyed Valigarmanda a lot. Susanoo looks like a lot of fun, for example.)

[thegoodduckfan]

It's 4 AM (5 AM by the time I was done writing) and I'm having random thoughts about Barks, so I might as well share them.

I think one of the reasons my go to first Uncle Scrooge story recommendation is The Life and Times is because Carl Barks' greatness is a lot more subtle and nuanced than Rosa's greatness.

When I describe or read a Don Rosa story, the things that make his comics great are very easy to describe. I usually go to "These are adventures witha ton of historical research, great art and amazing comedy". And while some of this is true to Barks too, I don't think his greatness is quite as clear.

Usually when I write about why I think Barks is great (write because I don't want to overwhelm people I'm recommending comics to) I usually feel like I need to go into more details, and subtle elements to explain why I love them.

think it's due to the fact that a lot of Barks' greatness comes from subtlety, yes, but also the way he tells the stories as comics, which is a lot harder to explain in 2 minutes. My enjoyment of Barks comics comes from the act of reading ifself, that's a very broad thing. But I don't think I have a much better way of saying it.

Barks has great art, but that great art is also paired witj great storytelling. When I read Barks, it's very easy to follow due to how well the art flows from panel to panel. And because word balloons aren't too long for comics, which a lot of writers seem to forget. And the relatively small amount of dialogue there is paced masterfully, with how the syllables flow into each other with a clear rythm. It makes his comics just fun to go through, even without taking into account the contents of the stories. Which are great too btw.

Barks' stories are almost always led by very human desires and situations. For example, the many stories Donald just tries to get more money, now that's not the deepest motivation out there, but it's very human. I also really like the ones Donald gets stuck doing an adventure because he got stuck with a weird jobs, and his supervisors can't be bothered to help. Though my personal favorite driving forces in his stories is probably boredom. One of my favorite Barks stories are driven by the Donald's desires to get out of his boring life, and do something great. That's been done to death, but I think what stands out to me is how this resolves. This specific story is the Golden Helmet. It deals with the ultimate power the Helmet gives. Donald set out on an adventure to stop an evil guy, and his comically evil lawyer from finding the helmet. During this adventure where he almost dies multiple times he finds the golden helmet and succombs to its temptation, and almost took over America. That got him lost at see, and after he was rescused e decided that maybe this life of adventures, like the vikings had it isn't all that's it's cracked out to be, and he finds peace in his current position. What I really like about this is how after Donald tried to escape his boring life, he accepted it, but not only that, by the end of the adventure Donald is also willing to engage in his boring life more, and enjoy it more.

And the best part is that you're not beaten over the head with it. These things aren't really stated, but they're shown through little bits in the story. Donald taking more interest in his regular life mostly comes down to him not onl6 directing to the section of the museum he's searching like in the start of the story, but going with him there because he's getting interested in lamp shades himself. It's subtle, but it's not invisible, it's there and you may have a different interpretation, but that's what I got.

Another great one is Tralla La, where Scrooge gets tired of how everyone wants his money, and dealing with his company, so he must escapes to a remote valley in the Himalayas without a concept of money. But eventually Scrooge gets back exactly where he started then he became the richest duck in Tralla La (measured by bottle caps). This also gets more brilliant when Scrooge tries to get things back to normal by giving everyone bottle caps, and Scrooge thought it worked because everyone stopped obsessing over bottle caps (money). But in reality, this didn't cause the people to stop being greedy, it just stopped them from exchanging goods. I thought it was really clever and again, it's not really in your face. There is also a brilliany technich Barks used that takes adventage of the human mind: the difference between million and billion, humans know the difference but we can't visualise it. And Barks used it as a central plot point in this story and you don't realize until the exact moment Barks wants you to.

Overall I think Barks is not very blunt in his comics, even the ones where a character is very blunt about their views, it gets countered by another character. Like in my personal favorite ending: Only a Poor Old Man. Donald tells Scrooge how his money brings him nothing but worry and that Scrooge is only a poor old man. And Scrooge considers it for a moment, but then responds (in his own head): "No man is poor who can do what he likes to do every once in a while" and it counters Donald, because they're both right.

Barks also really likes to show how different characters feel differently about certain concepts like money, almost each major character has their own unique approach to it. And it adds so much nuance to the comics imo.

And I think that's my main point, I really enjoy Barks comics but I have to think to understand why I enjoyed them so much. Unlike with Rosa, when the answer's pretty simple after I've read it. I think this element of thinking adds a lot of value to Barks' comics for me, but it also makes me not initially recommending them. Because I think that the more simple experienced offered in Roaa stories has a bugger chance of hooking people on these ducks.

[rahuratna]

Hi! I woke up this morning unmotivated and wanting to stay in bed for longer (because I finished JJK season 2). But then you replied, and I literally jumped out of bed this morning with renewed energy to make breakfast and go for a run 🫶

The part where you mentioned about a sense of belonging was so good. Like, for me, it brings up the question of to what extent did his cult make Geto feel like he belonged? Was he able to find some sort of twisted fulfillment out of it? This is where sometimes I wish it wouldn’t be up to the audience’s interpretation. Like a concrete answer would be very nice.

I think it would be very interesting to compare the dynamics between Gojo and Geto versus Geto and his followers. Geto was like a moral compass to Gojo since Geto was the one who convinced him why he shouldn’t kill the cult members applauding for Riko’s death. But afterwards, it seemed like Gojo didn’t need Geto by his side more. Not just in terms of having someone strong to fight alongside with, but also for moral guidance. While Geto was losing himself, Gojo continued to fight with a clear purpose: to get stronger so he can be able to redeem himself with what happened to Riko and allow others to have the opportunity to truly live. To elaborate off of your idea of Geto wanting a sense of belonging, perhaps a fraction of it was also a desire to be needed. Gojo no longer relied on Geto for moral direction, or that’s what it seemed liked on the outside as they grew apart. Contrast this with Geto’s followers relying on him for protection and purpose, and it has me thinking about the subtle nuances between belonging and being needed (excluding the monkeys). Of course it’s also important to consider the difference of relationship between best friend and best friend versus cult leader/parent figure/guardian and follower. It makes me wonder…

Was Geto able to find a similar meaning with his um… cult… like with his former friendship? Even though Gojo and Geto’s differences grew wider, was possible to still salvage their rifted friendship? And if so, would Geto have been happier or worse off staying… could he still find connection with Gojo and the others if he had opened up, or would he still have lost his original sense of purpose no matter what…

So many what-ifs. I haven’t read the manga (yet) but I’m planning too. Though I’m not sure if I can emotionally handle it LOL. Tears will be shed 😭 I think there are so many characters to explore more in depth, like Megumi and Maki. Thank you again for these lovely conversations! 💞💞💞

Hello! Finally got a chance to sit down and answer this little gem of an ask. Your thoughts on how Gojo didn't need Geto as his moral compass after a while really hit me somewhere. That rings so true, when I really stop to think about it.

Their relationship was one of mutual respect, but also a type of co-dependency, without either of them really knowing it. Growing out of the shackles of that need for support, of a friendship that provided an anchor in normality, must have been such a common, but heartbreaking thing to happen in the world they inhabited. We see a similar theme with Nanami and Haibara, except in that case, Haibara was removed from the equation with a shocking permanence and Nanami never recovered fully from the effects.

When I think about the experience of growing up and into the world you inhabit, of losing the innocence you only recognize when you're older, I find that there are a few other prominent moments in my memory that define this. One of them is coming to an understanding, for the first time, that there are certain things that you will always have to face alone, and you will have to learn how to face them with dignity, if not bravery.

My experience certainly isn't universal, but in some way, it helps me understand Gojo's process of growing into and integrating into the world of sorcerers, becoming the 'strongest', willingly donning the mantle of a weapon of mass destruction to be fired in directions he assumed partial control of. It was sad, but small wonder to me that he missed his friend's growing isolation and depression when he was so focused on this form of self-development.

I personally don't think Geto ever found the same level of trust or companionship. He certainly had the complete trust and faith of the members of his group, and seemed to cultivate that air of found family, but he seemed to have an air of loneliness about him, a veil between himself and the world, thinly disguised as scorn and hateful prejudice.

While I'm still reading the manga myself and learning more about his character, I feel like Geto's path was a tragic, but inevitable one. Even if his friends did identify his growing depression and attempted to help him, they would not have had the answers to the issues that plagued him, in a way that was totally unique to his personality and view of the world. I think the rift between him and Gojo would have shown itself sooner or later, even if he didn't become a curse user. They would still have been exceptionally important to one another, but probably inhabiting different spheres and ideologies within the same world.

At the end, I think Geto was alone, just like Gojo, and that Gojo knew this when he found him. Even though it sounds pretty bleak, I don't think Geto found that place even within his cult, but I do think they soothed his torment in some small way. They may not have allowed him to realise his dreams (unattainable as he probably knew they were) but he did face his death, with readiness, a form of dignity. And he probably did it for Gojo, who was the one he wanted to see most at the end.

[thestrangestthing89]

This situation with Noah isn't a new problem in the fandom. These fans have been harassing everyone for months in them name of progressive causes they aren't well-informed about. This is obviously not specific to the Stranger Things fandom. Go anywhere online and you will likely see a bunch of teens screaming about something even though they clearly skipped the step of educating themselves. Not only have I been the target of the dumbest shit, but so many other people have too. No one can post here without someone getting self-righteous and yelling about it. I have been accused of the following simply for posting something to my own blog: - I've been called misogynistic because I said El wasn't the main character. A thing the writers have said several times now (it's Will). The writers aren't misogynistic either. - I've been called misogynistic because I said El has character flaws like everyone else. - I've been called a condescending bitch when I politely tried to explain what misogyny actually is. A thing you'd think they'd be interested in learning if they actually cared about that cause (clearly they don't or I wouldn't have been called a bitch so much). - Been called racist because I said Hopper wasn't copaganda, even though I explained clearly why I thought this was. - Got called racist because I pointed out that Lucas was often filling his Ranger role and that's why he is helping Mike in S3 (the boys all play their D&D characters). But the trendy thing to say at the time was that he was being written in racist way so obviously this means I'm racist too. - Had multiple people say I was silencing them when I wrote my own damn post (not a response to theirs) about many of the above topics. I just simply disagreed with their points and that isn't allowed here. - Had someone I never interacted with spread a rumor that I sent them anonymous hate filled asks even though I had no fucking clue who they were. And those posts were anonymous so they have no idea who actually sent them. They just wanted my attention. But I never sent anyone an anon ask before anyway so this was just bizarre. But a several people believed it. - Pretty much every adult on here has been accused of pedophilia for watching a show with kids on it. This gets pretty relentless sometimes. I'm sure I could think of several others and other people have had a lot as well. The thing about this as someone who has actually experienced things like misogyny first hand is that being called this is incredibly upsetting, especially when you are being called this by someone who doesn't know what they are talking about and doesn't care about the impact of these words. They just want you to shut up and stop telling them they did something wrong.

This is all happening because they are watching a show that is overwhelming them and they can't deal with people discussing it in a more nuanced way than they are. This wouldn't be happening if there were more adults here to drown it out. But as it is, no one can actually discuss this show and it has nothing to do with Noah. It's because kids are watching when they shouldn't. And they have weird, boundaries with the fandom and the cast that are constantly causing problems. This didn't happen back in the first 2 seasons because it was only adults watching. I'm not saying adults can't be problematic too, but most of this shit is from people who are way too young to handle this. And now we are all getting lectured by 14 year old foreign policy experts. It's not ok and they need to spend a lot of time learning about how to interact with people online better. This isn't the shows fault. But they can make it clear who this is actually for. Because these kids are going to throw a fit over everything. They always do. They aren't going to like S5 either. They are only watching because it's cool and they have FOMO. They can't understand it and are constantly insulting it and everyone associated with it and the fandom. Seriously, amp up the horror. Make it rated R. A lot of us would really love to be able to discuss this show and can't because of how awful it is here.

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 11

The end is nigh! Everybody takes a giant leap of faith in the mother of all transition eps, and we end on several cliffhangers of how those leaps will land Will Ray finally get his threesome? Will Nick agree to be Boston's boyfriend? Will Mew move in with Top? What is the actual factual deal with Boeing? WILL CHEUM GIVE BOSTON THE APOLOGY HE DESERVES? Last week y'all were split on who you were rooting for, with Boston and Boeing tied for your hearts. Here's the runners and riders this week.

🔺1. Nick (2)

I'm not sure I'm ready to be anyone's boyfriend.

So many boys to choose from, that's my baby. I chose Nick as my fighter from jump and that was so the right decision. Baby boy is beating them off with a stick, and committing to nothing and nobody in the process. He might be in love with Boston, but he's actually thinking about what 'in love' means to him, after the mess his 'love' caused. He likes Dan, but won't lead him on. Helping Boston with Atom let him see a version of his own feelings and actions that have made him a bit contemplative it feels like, and I'm curious to see what decisions he actually makes in the finale.

🔺2. Boston (3)

But you might be my exception.

Speaking of contemplation, Boston is definitely calibrating and rethinking some of his basic assumptions about life and people. Atom is an avatar of how and why Boston probably landed on his 'I HATE DRAMA' train, while Nick is an avatar of 'oh, I might have conflated people's feelings with 'drama' when they aren't quite the same thing'. He wants to maybe try monogamy, and you know what, that's his right, and he feels safe to try it with Nick. I have a lot of thoughts about how much Boston must trust Nick to take that leap, even on a short-term/trial basis, and I love the nuance in how this has been written.

🔺3. Yo (and Plug) (10)

I should protect my heart first, shouldn't I?

MOM AND COOL STEPDAD ARE BACK TOGETHER! This has been a very tight runner, but I love it. I love that Plug was able to take a deep breath and swallow his hurt over Yo wanting to protect herself. I love that Yo was able to step outside of herself and take a leap of faith that Plug does love her. Using Yo and Plug as a thematic reinforcer has been effective for me, and I hope we get to see them one last time in the finale.

🔺4. Top (8)

I'm gonna make you love me even more.

Force has been doing a thankless job incredibly well playing Top. When I tell y'all I know Tops, big dick swinging Big Men On Campus, Roc Nation Brunch types, successful on the outside but a total mess within, looking for a saviour, convinced that this One Thing or One Person, if they could just get them, it would mean that they're winners and not the losers they have nightmares about being...and Force is playing that so well. The other thing about these types is that the hole inside they're trying to fill is always an empty space, no matter who or what they try to stuff in there. There will always be a next thing that could save them. I've legit never seen this type portrayed this well on screen, and I look forward to seeing where he lands because he could literally go either way.

🔹5. Sand (5)

Well, someone who's completely my type dumped me for someone else.

YES SAND SPEND THAT MAN'S MONEY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU ALL ALONG! If he's going to call you a whore whenever he gets mad at you, and you're gonna accept that and forgive him every time, at least reap some goddamn benefits. On the other side of things, we see that Sand's simpness is not confined to Ray; this is just what he's like when he falls for somebody. Boeing reappearing makes that clear. That man cheated and dumped him and he still can't send him packing when he turns up again. 'We can be friends' NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T GUY, THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS.

🔹6. Mew (6)

You asked for a chance and I gave it to you.

As I said earlier this week, there's nothing wrong with Mew that couldn't be solved by giving him a pair of stilettos and a flogger, and I stand by that. Mew is struggling so hard with the feeling that he has somehow lost, and it's making him lowkey crazy. Top abasing himself and Mew getting to punish him would go a long way to making these two work, if that's what they want. Sometimes kink is 100% the answer to a complicated relationship, and these two are COMPLICATED. So much ego and image is wrapped up in these two's expectations of each other, they are never actually vulnerable, even when performing vulnerability. But one thing kink absolutely requires is vulnerability. I'm voting for Mew to realise his dom desires before the end.

🔹7. Ray (7)

If you say so, then I won't be jealous.

Ray makes a valiant attempt at proper boyfriendism this ep, and it's actually pretty effective...right up until he's faced with the prospect that Sand's squishy centre is more about who Sand is than it is about Ray being extra special somehow. Sand's mom told him: this is how he is with people he cares about. So when somebody Sand clearly cares/cared about, Boeing, shows up, Ray gets a front row seat and he doesn't like the view. How he handles what happens next is gonna tell us whether or not Ray has learned a goddamn thing.

🔻8. Boeing (1)

I just want to be with someone tonight.

There's a definite pattern to the rankings at this point, in that a character hitting the #1 is doomed to take a nosedive in the next ep, and Boeing is no exception. His game remains unclear at this point, but he does give the sense of having had plan A fail and moving on to plan B, taking a not-unrealistic leap of faith that Sand will allow him back into his life. This show has been pretty good about writing real people not cartoon villains, so I'm pretty sure Boeing's got his own human story animating his actions, and I'm curious to find out what it is.

��9. Atom (10)

He didn't do anything to me.

Well he apologised and told the truth in the end, even if he had to be threatened to do it, that counts for something...

🔻10. Cheum (9)

What did he do to you this time?

...but if she doesn't apologise for the fucked up things she said to Boston I'm gonna lose it I swear.

[troperrific]

@amoransia

Hi! I agree!! I do think Leah also cares immensely for Priest as a person; I think I generalized the Church side way too much on this post. I should've made it clearer, lol. Actually, while I was typing this reply, I thought that maybe she does care for him, but she'd still be capable of putting those feelings away for the greater good, but then I remembered how she was willing to give away the location of Asmodeus' purified wing in order to save -

Barbara, instead of focusing on exorcizing Beelzebub 🧐 So yeah, I think you're completely right!! Leah's more conflicted about it than Imuri is (since she's not human), so it's not as clear as Imuri's disagreement, if that makes sense?

Hope you don’t mind me answering this as a post, because I have waaaay too many thoughts about this.

So, when I was talking in the tags about who’s currently thinking about Priest as a person, it was more about inner reasoning and what takes priority rather than whether what they’ll have Priest do after.

Like, the inner reasoning that takes priority to the Witches and the Church as factions, regarding waking Priest up, is his role as a key piece in the grand scheme of the fate of the world. Essentially, it’s about what he symbolizes and what he can do rather than him as a person.

With Imuri, like you said, it’s about who he is specifically to her. Her beloved, the guy she’s in love with. It’s a personal reason, so she’s the one seeing him as a person.

It’s difficult to say what weights more in Leah’s mind, but the reason she presents to Imuri in chapter 70 so they can go get Priest together does explicitly mention that they should do so because a) it’s their responsibility that he reached such a point and b) she wants to talk and apologize to him. This sort of inner reasoning does make me think she’s still thinking of him more as a person than a soldier or a weapon or a symbol.

But whether she’d put her feelings aside for the greater good or choose to prioritize Priest as a person and friend is a more complicated matter.

First, because although the situation with Barbara does show Leah is willing to choose her loved ones over the world, it’s worth mentioning that Barbara is much closer and more important to Leah than Mr. Priest.

That nuance is important. This is also why Priest worries about Imuri first and then about other people more as the series progresses.

And second, well…

Because Leah has swayed between the two for pretty much the whole manga.

In a more ‘lower stakes’ way, but sure. One of the clearest examples is regarding her role in separating Imuri from Priest.

In a general sense, Leah sorta takes the middle way when it comes to her role as a “spy”. On one hand, she abides by the Church’s orders to spy on Imuri and Priest, and is often intruding on their dates or lurking nearby. On the other hand, she acts more like a chaperone than anything else, and still lets them interact plenty, because she sees how happy Priest is around Imuri, even if that’s technically detrimental to her mission in separating the two.

There’s a scene in… chapter 54, I think, where Leah and Barbara are at their hotel during the aftermath of Priest destroying the school, and despite Barbara questioning her, because they should be monitoring Imuri and Priest as per orders, Leah does not follow them to the remains of the school, allowing them that moment of privacy and intimacy and comfort, while she thinks about the way Priest relies on Imuri, emotionally speaking (and we do see how he needed that time alone with Imuri, to be comforted and vulnerable and forgiven. it’s doubtful he would have gotten that had Barbara and Leah followed them).

So here you have Leah prioritizing Priest as a person.

But back in Part 2, Leah did go against Priest’s wishes to respect other people’s privacy, going behind his back and doing her best to collect samples for DNA analysis from both Leviathan and Imuri on the basis of pure suspicion and try to hack Imuri’s phone and laptop.

An example of Leah prioritizing her duty to the Church and the greater good.

So Leah has not fully committed to either thing as of yet, in my opinion.

I have no idea what’s Leah going to do about this situation, or she’s ever going to pick a stance about Priest’s situation, but it’s worthy mentioning that there have been quite a few panels dedicated to her hesitation:

So who knows what her (possible) eventual decision will be.

Her caring about Priest aside, there are other factors that influence her hesitation between the two “choices”: the fact that she’s the only character who doesn’t really use ideological or philosophical arguments to justify herself, her dislike of overriding other people’s agency and even beliefs (to the point she’ll apologize to Barbara for not letting her die, and call it “stabbing her in the back”, because it denied Barbara’s own resolution), her lack of confidence in her own judgment, her belief that she (and thus her actions) is insignificant and inconsequential, her self-perceived debt to the Church (they not only saved her, but her actions caused a domino effect that killed 79 of their exorcists) and consequently, her submissiveness to her superior officers, her great sense of empathy (she’s always listening and watching others, trying to understand multiple sides and people), etc.

Leah is probably the only character who doesn’t implace her values onto Priest, nor does she want nor expects anything from him.

But her occasional passiveness also doesn’t help (though, admittedly, there’s very little she can do to actually help him).

Considering that this is the Sloth arc, I wonder if Leah will be pushed to make a decision (as uncertainty and inaction can sometimes fall under the sin of sloth)…

Sorry for rambling, this was such a long-winded way to say that I don’t know what Leah would choose.

But, regardless of what she chooses, she’d definitely see herself as a betrayer (be it because she chooses the world over her friend, or makes a decision that’d still hurt Priest and choose him over the world).

Thus her placement as the Judas to Mr. Priest’s Jesus in Part 2.