#i wanna watch it for the third time this has killed me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mistiell · 3 months ago

Text

Oh, Your Love is Sunlight

summary: While on a supply run with your (insanely attractive) neighbor and friend, Joel, you nearly die twice. Once to an infect, and second to hypothermia, when you fall through the ice while trying to take a short cut home to Jackson. Joel spends the night trying to warm you up and keep you alive, and the morning after, you both come to a realization.

wc: 8k (Yikes, sorry y’all)

warnings: VOMIT (For my fellow emetephobics, I put ** at the start and end of the part), Fem! Reader, canon typical violence, graphic description of killing an infected, hypothermia, near death experiences, body heat as a survival tactic, like brief indirect mention of Star Wars that might be inaccurate bc I’ve never seen it (DONT COME FOR ME, I JUST HAVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO IT), Worried and protective Joel, very very briefmention of original characters towards the end bc i needed people and didnt feel like searching the wiki, slightly jealous Joel but it passes quickly. if i missed anything lmk. NOT PROOFREAD (will likely come back to fix any mistakes later)

a/n: Hello i have returned with a fic i started last year and just finished (oops lol), and it is my longest fic to date so enjoy! This will likely have a smutty part 2 if i ever get around to it.

**NOTE: I've linked ways to help Palestine here. If you're in a position to donate anything at all, please do! If not, you can reblog the post that's linked so it gets out to more people.

---

You don’t hate Joel Miller, but you really hate him right now.

Tommy was supposed to do this run with him – something about guitar strings for Ellie that they couldn’t get awhile ago – but something had come up. Joel had come to you to ask if you’d go with him instead, and your will to please him overrode your vehement dislike of sub-zero temperatures. It’s become apparent in recent months that you just can’t say no to the man; a flaw that you are actively going to work on fixing when you get back, you decide as you trudge through what has to be double digit inches worth of snow.

“Remind me why we couldn’t have ridden the rest of the way?” You huff, lifting and heaving your heavy winter boot yet another step after him. You really wish it were safe to wear snowshoes out here. It would make travelling through this shit so much easier. Alas, while it’s great for travelling faster over snow, the same can’t be said for escaping any infected you may have the misfortune of running into out here.

He sighs, but reminds you again for the third time in thirty minutes, “Horses can’t make it through this way in the winter.”

“Couldn’t we have found a way around?”

Bemused, he shoots you a sidelong glance, “Unless you wanna walk home in the dark, no. Sun’s already too low for my likin’.”

“It’s barely afternoon, Joel.”

“Might be past that by the time we head back.”

“Might be isn’t will be.”

Shaking his head, he breathes an exasperated chuckle. You’d think he was genuinely annoyed if this wasn’t your routine. You try to vex him, he pretends it’s working. He looks fond as he shakes his head, “D’ you gotta be so goddamn argumentative all the time?”

“‘Course.” You grin puckishly, “Part of my charm.”

He snorts, lifting a tree branch and letting you duck under his arm, a little bit of snow flaking off the nettles and dusting your hair and eyelashes, “Charm ain’t exactly the word I’d use.”

“Yeah? What word would you use, then?” You ask, turning to look at him just as he ducks under the branch after you. As he straightens, you realize you’re so close, you have to tilt your head back a little to look at him.

It’s only when you’re this close to him that you’re reminded of just how broad he is. Broad shoulders, broader chest. One of his hands could encompass nearly a whole half of your face, you’re sure. Leaving the two of you in spouts of steam, you watch your breaths mingle and dance in the space between you. Humming a low rumble, his mouth twists and eyes narrow as he pretends to think, and you almost forget what you’ve asked until he replies, “Annoyance.”

Moment lost. You roll your eyes. “Aren’t you sweet.”

He chuckles, the sound rich in his chest as he continues on and prompts you to do the same. As you emerge from the treeline, you spot your destination a ways away. A small, rundown town centre. You can just barely see a sign with a treble clef peaking out from behind the large building blocking your view.

“You’re sure this area’s clear, right?” His silence unnerves you. “Right?”

“Should be.” His brow creases. He looks about as reluctant to be doing this as you are, but Ellie needs new strings and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get them before her birthday. The things you do for those you love, you suppose, “Keep a look out, just in case.”

“Yup.” You sigh, popping the ‘P’.

The town is a frigid wasteland when you make it onto the main street, storefront windows smashed to bits with snow drifts sloping up the walls and creeping inside, blowing snow whooshing up in swirls like mini tornados across the open spaces. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as you traverse the street, nerves buzzing with the anticipation of danger that is ever present out here.

More walking, before glass crackles underfoot as you step through the mangled metal frame of the music store’s front door, careful to avoid the jagged pieces still jutting out of the rust-flaked steel. The two of you split up to look around, Joel making his way over to a wall that houses a couple of fair quality acoustic guitars while you survey a few shelves lined with CD’s and tapes on the other side of the room.

“Y’know guitar strings ain’t gonna be over there, right?” He calls, and you roll your eyes.

“Obviously. I figured I’d try to find something for her, too.” An album cover catches your eye and you slide it out, tilting your head uncertainly. It looks old, but you recognize some of the songs off the list on the back, “You think she’d like ‘Heart’?”

“What, the band?” You call back in confirmation, and he hums out a breath in thought as he picks over his side of the store, “I reckon she might.”

“‘Heart’ it is, then.” You murmur to yourself, slinging your pack from your shoulders and kneeling to unzip the main pocket.

Something clatters somewhere ahead of you, and you freeze, head snapping up in the direction of another door, wooden this time. You watch and wait, unblinking, palming the hilt of your pistol. Quads, hamstrings, calves wound tight and poised to move quickly, you rise slow into a half crouch, holding your breath. Something bumps again, chittering, hard enough this time that the door shudders in the corroded frame.

“Joel-!”

The door flings open and hits the adjacent wall with a BANG!, and with a guttural, inhumane cry, something flings its body at you chest first, knocking you off your feet. Your shoulders slam into the tiled floor with a hollow thud, knocking the air from your lungs and taking your ability to scream with it. You flail, forearm pressed hard against the infected’s fleshy throat as you fight wildly while trying desperately to breath, scream, something.

A large hunk of Cordyceps encompasses a quarter of it’s face, rubbery ridges stretching several inches from the surface of its skin. One wild, bloodshot eye meets yours, pupil blown and lids split so wide with hunger you can see where the yellowed white begins to curve into its skull. Your heart thrums painfully in your throat as you realize you’ve nothing to do but stare back and pray Joel gets the hell over here before the thing tears into you. Its teeth gnash, still shrieking, mouth opening so wide you can see the mottled grey of its rotting tonsils behind flashes of bloodied incisors. Its rancid breath has your stomach churning.

A strong arm wraps around its neck from behind, and then it’s off you, and you’re staring wide eyed at the ceiling listening to the cracking of bone, a far off, dying keen. The wet squelch of brain matter and rotten cerebrospinal fluid spilling out of its skull and likely splattering over the wall is muffled but just as terribly, egregiously sickening. Its only once you’re pulled up by the shoulders and spots dance across your vision that you realize that you’ve still yet to take a proper breath.

Joel takes your face between large palms, lips moving with no sound beyond the ringing in your ears. You watch his mouth wrap around your name, then the words ‘Breathe’and ‘Please’ several times over as he pats feeling into your cheeks. Over his shoulder, the thing lays motionless, its head so mangled, its just a wet mess of reds and greys and sharp fragments of bone. Your stomach rolls. **You twist out of his hold just as it contracts and spills its contents over the grimy floor, black pressing into your peripherals until you finally shut your eyes, retching. A hand smooths over your shoulder blades while the other collects any loose strands of hair and holds them back behind your nape. **

Its easier to breathe by the time you’re done, and you can finally hear his voice again, low and soft as he soothes, “S’ alright, you’re okay.”

“Oh, fuck.” You rasp, throat burning something awful as you spit the acrid taste from your mouth

“I know, I know.” He turns you to him by your shoulders as soon as you’re done and looks you over, gaze frantically jumping between your face, neck, shoulders, arms. “Did it get you?”

You blink dumbly at him.

“What?” Your mind is still catching up to the present moment, and it takes too long for you to process what he’s asked.

“Were you bit?” His voice is high, shaking and scared, his hands on your shoulders like vice grips.

“N-No.” You force out just so he’ll calm down. You’re not actually sure yet, adrenaline still prickling in your extremities, so really, you could be. Its just that seeing him so genuinely panicked is more than a little disconcerting. His hold on your shoulders starts to ache, and you squirm, “Joel, you’re hurting me.”

He lets go like he’s been burned before gently pushing your jacket and shirt collar to your right, then left as you slide your sleeves up a little to check your wrists. No bites, no scratches. You both breathe sighs of relief.

“You get the strings?” You rasp, and he looks at you incredulously.

“You almost died n’ you’re worried ‘bout the guitar strings?” You shrug, and he breathes a laugh, beard scratching under the pads of his fingertips as he rubs at his mouth, “Christ, you are gonna be the death of me.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah, I got the damn strings.” With a quiet grunt, he rises, holds out a hand, “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Clapping your hand into his, you let him hoist you to your feet.

---

Walking, freezing, joints aching, the sun looms low in the sky, stealing away with it slowly the light of day. Joel holds up two fingers to the horizon and scowls. You sigh, trek onwards, a shiver jittering down your spine and making your teeth chatter briefly, causing you to accidentally nip the tip of your tooth paste coated finger as you attempt to rid your mouth of the remnants of your earlier close call.

“You alright?” He asks for what has to be the thirtieth time as you spit into the snow and wipe your mouth with your sleeve.

For the thirtieth time, despite feeling a little gross, you answer, “Fine.”

“Y’sure?” He rubs a gloved hand roughly along the length of your shoulders, warming the nape of your neck even through layers. “You’re shiverin’.”

You want to curl into his side. Slide under his arm, wrap yours round his back and squeeze so close you’d have to mirror his gait so you don’t trip over his ankle. You shake your head minutely. The cold is weakening your resolve.

“I’m okay. Just wanna get home.” You try to sound normal, like his touch isn’t setting you on fire.

He gives you a soft squeeze and retracts his arm. You mourn the loss swiftly and silently, “You n’ me both.”

The shadows around lengthen considerably as you keep going. Glancing up at the sky, the sun has dipped lower, turning the sky a dusted pink. You scowl at the realization that he was right. At this rate, you won’t make it back to Jackson before dark.

“We’re not makin’ good time.” He articulates your thought with a sigh, brow creased.

“We could pass over the lake?”

He hesitates, then makes a face like he’s smelled something rotten, “S’ not a good idea.”

“It’s been frozen over since November.” You argue. It’s nearly March now, but the snow is still crisp under your boots and the wind is cold enough that your cheeks and nose are numb. It’s the quickest way back, you know he knows that.

There’s a pause as he contemplates whether or not it’s worth the risk. There are about a hundred things that could go wrong, and you watch him mull over them all in the minute it takes for him to finally reply, “Fine. But if you fall in, you’re gettin’ yourself out.”

There’s no truth to it. He might scold you, but he’d do it while breathing life back into you, cursing you between each exhale. Your breath comes out in puffs of fog as you chuckle, “Deal.”

By the time you reach the crossing, the sky has taken on a lovely lavender hue that serves as a less lovely reminder that you’re quickly running out of daylight. Joel hums doubtfully as he eyes the ice, sizing up the distance between the two of you and the bank on the other side.

The lake isn’t very large to begin with, and the path crosses a narrow strip where the water tapers in like the neck of an hourglass. It’ll take you fifteen minutes or so to get all the way over to the other side. In the height of winter, you can even get the horses safely across. But while it’s still well below freezing, and the ice looks thick enough to jump on from here, it could be weaker further out.

Hands in his pockets, Joel frowns, “I really don’t know about this.”

“It’s fine.” Emboldened by thoughts of your warm bed and a steaming cup of tea waiting for you on the other side, you step onto the ice and turn back to him, “See?”

“Mm-hm.” He hums, displeased as he follows after you carefully.

Ten minutes of walking and you’re already a little ways passed the halfway mark. Joel’s had his eyes on the dark abyss beneath you nearly the entire time. “If you keep looking down like that, you might fall.”

“N’ if I don’t, both of us might fall.” His use of ‘fall’ means something different to yours. Humming, you turn your gaze forward again.

“We’re close, now. The ice is stronger closer to the edges, right?” You already know the answer. There’s no point in asking, but you do anyway just so he’ll talk.

“Mm.” He grumbles. That stubborn crease between his brows has deepened, you find when you glance sidelong at him.

“Exactly. We’re fi-.” An ear splitting crack bounces off the ice, to the trees, and back again in a terrible echo as the ice splinters beneath you. You nearly slip in your haste to stop. The both of you go stiff as statues. You’re petrified. Joel looks doubly so.

“Joel.” You whisper, as if your voice weighs enough to be the extra bit that sends you plunging into the icy depths below. The chalky cracks are in stark contrast to the dark backdrop of the water beneath. Just how deep must it be for you to be unable to make out anything below you?

You feel like you might be sick.

“Hey. Look at me.” Tears hot with panic well in your eyes as you do as he says, and the look on his face makes it worse. You know that look. He thinks might lose you, and he’s decided he won’t let it happen. His breath trembles, but his voice doesn’t waver, “S’ gonna be alright, yeah?”

You manage a nod, and only then does he look down, then left, scouring the ice and treeline barely fifteen feet away. Back to you, and you both realize he’s to far to reach you. Second time you’ve almost died today, and this time he can’t come to your rescue.

“M-Maybe I can...” You bend your knees a little as if to move and he throws a hand out.

“Don’t-!”

The ice gives, and the fear takes up so much space you’ve barely room to take a breath before you’re engulfed in painful cold. It bites at your face as you attempt to swim up. The water muffles everything but the sound of your heartbeat as you fight against the weight of your clothes and backpack. You make the mistake of opening your eyes and find yourself swimming up, up, up through far too much nothing. It hurts to kick your legs hard enough to propel yourself, and it takes what feels like forever for you to breach the surface. You take in a heaving lungful of air as Joel calls your name.

He’s on his belly, body parallel to the edge and arm outstretched, but not close enough for you to grab just yet, “Don’t pull yourself up. Just- Just get your arms on the ice n’ kick your legs a little, alright? Can you do that?”

“Uh-huh.” It comes out jittery, jaw vibrating, teeth clacking together painfully as you hook your arm clumsily up over the lip and do as he says. The lower half of your body gradually rises until you’re level with the ice, and it’s then that he beckons you closer.

“Now scooch forward.”

You kick your legs harder and carefully pull yourself toward him until your chest is out of the water, then your torso. The ice dips a bit as you reach for his outstretched hand, and as soon as he’s got yours, he pulls hard enough to get you the rest of the way out, nearly wrenching your shoulder out of the socket. The moment you’re close enough, he wraps his arms tight around you and rolls you both away from the hole in the ice.

Panting, trembling, he keeps you there in his arms moments longer than he probably should.

“Don’t you ever do shit like that again.” His voice breaks on ‘ever’. “Gonna give me a fuckin’ heart attack. Too old for this shit.”

“I didn’t fuckin’ do it on pu-purpose.” You slur with lips too stiff to fit around the words right. Even your tongue feels frozen, but you think that’s probably more from the shock, “Thought y’said I’d have’ta get myself out.”

He huffs a short laugh, incredulous and utterly relieved. “Had a change a’ heart.”

“C’mon.” Carefully, he shifts onto knees before standing. He doesn’t let go of you once as he helps you to your feet, “Gotta get you warmed up ‘fore you freeze.”

He says it like there’s somewhere warm waiting for you just beyond the ice. You’re too tired to be outwardly pessimistic. “Yeah.”

You should be anxious as he shuffles the two of you to shore as quickly as is safe. When you make it there, he stops you only to peel off your mitts and scarf before ushering you forward. It’s freezing, you’re soaked. It’s a recipe for a very miserable death, you think dismally. But you trust Joel, and the tight grip he has on you makes you relax, even when you’re toeing a very fine line between life and death. You know he won’t give up on you easily. If you started spontaneously disintegrating tomorrow, he’d carve out pieces of himself just to keep you whole. There is no way in hell he’ll let a little cold take you from him.

“Y’see that?” You lift your head sluggishly to see a small opening tucked into the drop off of a very large, rocky hill. “Just gotta make it there, alright?”

You try for an ‘okay’ but all that comes out is a small hum as you slump further against him. Maybe you’ve relaxed too much, “M’ tired.”

“I know, darlin’, I know.” The pet name sparks something in you, and you try to foster it, let it liven you up a little. Darlin’ Darlin’ Darlin’ like a mantra over and over in your head. He squeezes your arm roughly, and you peel your eyes open as he pleads, “Just a little further n’ you can sit down, okay? Promise.”

Sit down, not sleep. You know you can’t sleep until you’re not at risk of freezing to death anymore. By the time you reach your destination, you can barely feel your fingers and toes.

Joel has to duck to get the two of you out of the cold and into the cave, but he manages. It’s warmer in here, you think. Although maybe its not warmth, but just the absence of the wind nipping at your skin. You’re a little alarmed that you can’t tell the difference.

Sliding down the wall to sit clumsily, you watch him as he slings both his and your packs from his shoulders. You vaguely wonder when he’d managed to take yours. The zipper clinks sharply as he sets it down and reminds you suddenly.

“The CD.”

He frowns, “Huh?”

“Ellie’s birthday gift.” You clarify through the haze rolling over your brain. “The ‘Heart’ CD. I left it.”

He blows a short huff out his nose as he reaches into his back pocket, sliding said object from the denim and giving it a waggle.

“Oh.”

Breathing a very small laugh, he shakes his head, “You’re welcome.”

Theres a short lull, although it feels like longer. He looks you over, jaw working before, “You’re gonna have to strip.”

You blink owlishly, “Huh?”

Cheeks and neck flushing a lovely rose, he clears his throat, “Your clothes are soaked. You’ll freeze if you keep ‘em on.”

“Oh.” That checks. You’re sure your face would be on fire if your blood wasn’t slush in your veins, “Right.”

Tentatively, you attempt to peel your jacket off while he unrolls his sleeping bag, but your arms won’t cooperate with you. They’re slow and hard to maneuver. It feels more like operating two arcade crane machines simultaneously, and you huff after failing to get the cuff of your sleeve unstuck from your wrist.

“Here.” He sighs, kneeling in front of you to tug it the rest of the way off and toss it aside. It’s stiff as it lands, mostly frozen. When he looks back at you, the corners of his mouth twist down, and he takes one of your cheeks in a big, calloused hand, thumbing under your eye. You were right. It does encompass nearly the entire side of your face.

“What?” You ask weakly, head lolling until the full weight of it rests in his palm.

“Nothin’.” He replies quietly, shaking his head. You watch his gaze dip to the hem of you shirt before it meets yours again, wary, “Can I... You want help?”

All you can do is nod. It’ll be quicker – safer – if he does it for you, you justify, as he carefully slips his fingers just under the hem and lifts. His knuckles feel like brands where they brush over your ribs, and you jolt reflexively.

He pulls it over your head and off your arms, “You alright?”

“F-Fine.” Just being undressed by the man you think you’re in love with. No big deal.

He gets off your boots next. Wetting his chapped lips briefly, his fingers twitch as he glances down at your jeans, “These too?”

It takes a second for you to realize he’s not asking if you want them off, but rather if you want help getting them off. You swallow, then through chattering teeth, “Uh-huh.”

Wordlessly, he undoes the button, then the zipper without dawdling, strictly business. You plant your palms and use what little strength you have left to lift your butt from the floor so he has room to wiggle them down your thighs. They slip over your calves and past your ankles with ease, taking your socks with them.

“You, uh...” Again, he clears his throat. “You can get in the sleeping bag ‘fore you take off the rest.”

Drawing your knees in makes your bones ache, and you list to one side when you attempt to shift your weight forward onto your feet. He catches you roughly by the shoulders and soothes, “Easy. C’mere.”

He helps you over and into the sleeping bag, zipping you up. It takes effort, but you manage to unhook your bra, throwing it near your other clothes weakly. Joel’s got a gloomy look on his face as he scrubs a large hand over the length of your bicep. The warmth from the friction seeps through the fabric and into your skin, but it doesn’t feel like enough.

“You’re wet too.” He looks down at himself at your observation. The front of his clothes are indeed wet. The fact that he’s not near freezing is a miracle.

He hums, hand still heavy on your arm, “Only got one sleepin’ bag.”

“Body heat. S’ better for kee-keepin’ warm anyway, right?” A strange look crosses his face, then, and you feel a little silly for suggesting it. “Only if you want.”

Only if he’s comfortable.

Tentatively, he asks, “You alright with that?’

“Mm-hm.” It sounds too eager. You’re too tired to care.

He hesitates a moment, before nodding, “Alright.”

You mourn the loss of his touch briefly as he stands, moving your packs closer before sliding off his jacket. He lifts his shirt just enough for you to catch a glimpse of the soft slope of his abdomen before seemingly remembering himself.

“Don’t look.” He mumbles, suddenly shy. You do as he says, listening to the shucking of fabric, the clinking of his belt buckle, the zipper of his jeans.

The soft sound of socked feet padding quickly over stone as he rushes to escape the cold. He hisses as he slots himself in behind you.

“Christ, woman, you’re like ice.” His skin is blessedly warm as his torso presses hot against your back.

“Think I don’t know that?” You quip with no malice, body wracked with shivers that aren’t entirely to blame on the cold anymore.

Puffs of his breath fan over your ear as he chuckles, “Wasn’t thinkin’ when I said it. Sorry.”

“S’ okay.” You lift your head so he has space to stretch out his arm, and the curve of your cheek bone fits snuggly into the crook of his elbow. You find his bicep makes a very comfortable pillow, “Your arm’s gonna fall asleep.”

“You comfortable?” He asks, and you nod, “Then I don’t much care.”

You pray he can’t feel your heart palpitating in your chest as you whisper, “Okay.”

The heat radiating off of him could rival a space heater cranked up to the highest setting. It’s doing wonders, thawing your own body and slowly bringing your temperature back up to something more human, less breathing corpse. He’s stiff as a board, though. The arm that isn’t under your head must be tucked tight against his side, and his bare legs are as far from yours as he can get them in the too-small sleeping bag. You want him and his warmth closer.

“You can touch me, Joel.” He stills, and it occurs to you how that must have sounded. “I mean, you’re not going to make me uncomfortable. You can relax.”

“Alright.” His voice is a low rumble in your ear as his hand just barely creeps over your bare waist. He’d be leaving goosebump in his wake if they weren’t already there. “This okay?”

It takes a moment to find your voice.

“Yeah.” It feels funny in your throat. You swallow in an attempt to fix it, “S’ good.”

You feel him finally relax, and try not to jump when he snakes his arm – his very naked arm – around your front, forearm flush against the soft flesh of your stomach and knuckles a little more than a hairs width from the underside of your breast. If you tilted your head just a bit and strained your eyes all the way to the side, you think you could catch a glimpse of his collarbone. You’re too cozy in his hold to move.

“Feelin’ any warmer?” Eyelids fluttering, you hum contentedly. The tip of his nose smushes firm into your shoulder as he murmurs, “Can’t fall asleep yet.”

“Please?” It must come out strangely by the way his breath hitches, “M’ warm enough. Swear.”

“That’s a load a bull if I ever heard it.” He snorts. The vibrations of his voice leave your skin humming, and it coaxes you further into him, “You’re lukewarm at best.”

“Word’s got ‘warm’ in it, doesn’t it?”

He tuts at you. You can hear his smile as he grumbles, “Don’t get smart with me.”

“You love it.”

He chuckles in strange way, “I do.”

Silence. Laying in his arms comes more naturally to you than it probably should. Especially given the fact that the two of you are mostly naked. And warm. So, so warm. Fatigue weighs down your eyelids. You’ve done so much today, you deserve the rest, it whispers.

“You fallin’ asleep over there?”

“Mm-mm.” You grumble, peeling your eyes wide open for a second to wake yourself some before they slide halfway shut again of their own accord, “Some old man keeps yapping in my ear every time I drift off.”

“You watch your mouth.” He growls, joking. Something stirs in your belly. You curse yourself for being too tired and too weak to do anything about it.

You settle for teasing instead. “Or what?”

He scoffs, “Frozen half to death, but still got ‘nough brains to give me lip, huh?”

“Mm-hm.” More silence. The sound of his breathing starts to lull you away into something too far from consciousness, and you drag yourself from it woefully, “F’ you want me to stay awake, you’re gonna have to talk my ear off, cowboy.”

“‘Bout what?”

“Anything.” Everything. Even if you weren’t trying to stay awake for the sake of staying alive, you’d let him ramble about whatever he wanted as long as he’d let you listen.

“Alright.”

He talks about the things he has to do when you get back to Jackson. Apparently, his work room needs a good tidying. When that gets too dull, he tells you about the movie he and Ellie watched last week for movie night. He asks obvious questions throughout explanations to keep you awake. ‘The guy working with the small green... thing, what was his name again? Right, now where was I?’ It feels like a good few hours before he lets you start to drift off. You fall asleep to the sound of his voice, the feel of his warm body tucked in close to your back, and dream of deep space and empires beyond your comprehension.

---

By the time you wake, sunlight is pouring in through the mouth of the cave, and the snow just beyond burns a horizon into your vision when you blink your eyes open. You stretch your legs out a little only to find them tangled between Joel’s. The movement must wake him because he takes a slow, sleepy breath, and squeezes closer.

“Joel?” You breathe. He startles.

“Wh-?” His head lifts and he tightens his hold on you for a split second, head on a swivel. When he realizes there’s no threat, he sighs heavily. You shudder when his arm slides over your bare stomach as he moves to scrub a hand over his face, “Christ.”

“Sorry.”

“S’ fine. My fault for fallin’ asleep.” He drawls, voice gravelly. You shift, and he scoots back just enough to let you turn over, “Time is it?”

“Definitely past dawn.” His eyes dart behind you, and he scowls at the sun. Yours follow the lean tendon in is neck as he lets his head fall back, and you suppress the urge to trace the length of it with your finger.

He curses, and it occurs to you that he hasn’t made much of an effort to disentangle himself from you. Now of sounder mind and warmer body, you notice the hair of his legs prickling against yours. You notice your bare chest pressed close to his, the steady rise and falls of them both as your breaths sync. Eyes trail up his collar, his neck, his face. Russet eyes bore into yours, and your breath hitches. They flick down to your lips. The little space left between you is charged; static electricity that spiders over your skin and lifts the hair on your arms.

“You, uh,” His hand skims over your skin once more; gentle, tentatively affectionate, as if he’s afraid to touch you now that you aren’t in need of his warmth. It settles into the curve of your waist like it’s meant to be there. He’s still staring at your lips. “You feelin’ any better?”

“Yeah.” You breathe. He looks back up at you, then, “Much.”

“Good.” He murmurs just as soft. His eyes dip back down to your lips.

You must be dreaming. Or dead. Or some other state of being beyond reality. Because there is no way he’s leaning in. There’s no way the tip of his nose is brushing yours. There’s no way he’s close enough that you can feel each one of his exhales fanning over your mouth.

“Joel...” It comes out a sigh, barely audible. You’re not even sure you’ve actually said anything aloud until he responds.

“Tell me to stop.” The words leave his lips in a low whisper and settle heavy on yours. You hold your breath as his hand sweeps over your ribs, the length of your collar. It envelops the entire side and back of your neck, igniting your skin as he draws a feather-like line over the edge of your jaw, “Tell me to stop, n’ I will.”

Any minute now, your heart is going to burst through your ribcage. You’re sure of it. Mind blank, you can’t think of anything to say. But you don’t want him to stop. You’ll never want him to stop. A shuddered breath, and you timidly press your the tip of your nose into the apple of his cheek, lips barely a hairs width from his. He turns his face just so, and you almost jump when his cupid’s bow just barely grazes your upper lip.

Your name sounds from somewhere far away, followed by his. The two of you startle, and in an instant, the moment is gone.

“Goddamn it, Tommy.” He huffs under his breath, rolling out of your space as much as he’s able within the confines of the sleeping bag. As glad as you are that someone’s found you, the man’s timing could not be any fucking worse.

“We best get dressed.”

“Yeah.” Your cheeks warm as he begins shimmying out from next to you, gaze catching on his broad chest, the soft muscle of his stomach, the hair trailing from his abdomen down somewhere lower, beneath the thin fabric of his boxers. You close your eyes before you can see anything more.

With him gone, you’re cold again. The frigid air nips at your bare chest, and you snuggle deeper into the sleeping bag until he’s done dressing. His clothes appear to be dry and fit to wear again. Yours are a different story, frozen solid in the shapes they landed in when you tossed them into a pile last night.

“Here.” Something soft plops down in front of your face, and when you open your eyes, there’s a stack of messily folded clothes on the stone floor with a sheepish looking Joel bent over his backpack a little ways away, “You can borrow those.”

Something warm and syrupy fills your chest and squishes between your ribs as you murmur, “Thanks.”

Keeping his gaze on the floor, he only hums in response. You take that as your cue to slide yourself out of the warmth of the sleeping bag. The only thing of yours that doesn’t need to be thawed is your bra, though it’s still cold against your skin as you slide your arms through the straps. Joel’s long sleeve is next. It’s soft, and smells like cedar and something uniquely him. You resist the urge to bury your nose in the fabric, too afraid he’ll decide to look up and catch you doing it.

When you’re done, you make your way to him and catch the quick once over he gives you.

“Like what you see?” You grin. He rolls his eyes.

He jerks his nose in the direction of your belongings, grumbling, “Get your stuff.”

You oblige, slinging your pack over your shoulders and stepping out into the sun after him. It blinds you, and the backs of your eyes ache as you blink to adjust them to the light. Luckily, the weather is significantly better today. No unexpected squalls, blue skies, and just a little warmer than yesterday.

“Tommy?” Joel suddenly calls out into the woods, his volume startling you bad. He grimaces, looking disproportionately apologetic, “Sorry.”

“Sorry?” You scoff, grinning playfully and shaking your head, “Nuh-uh, that was totally unforgivable.” You bump his shoulder with yours, “You’re really gonna have to make up for that.”

A dampened smile turns the corners of his mouth up as he bumps you back lightly, breathing a laugh, “Not a chance.”

“Joel?” Tommy calls back, closer than before. “This way!”

He’s brought a search party. A fair sized one, judging by how many voices respond at varying distances. It’s not long until you spot two people on horseback through the trees, one with familiar curls and a newer face with sandy blonde hair.

“Joel!” Tommy sounds utterly relieved as he slides off his gelding and engulfs him in a hug, clapping him over the shoulders before pushing him back, stern, “What the hell happened? We all thought you’d gotten yourselves killed!”

“One of us almost did.” Joel mutters, shooting a look at you. “Twice.”

Tommy gawps, looks like he’s about to ask before sighing in resignation. “You can tell me about it on the way home. Ellie’s been losin’ her mind since last night. Girl hasn’t slept a wink. Had to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn’t take off to find y’all by herself in the dark.”

Joel tuts and shakes his head, scrubbing a hand over his face, “You find our horses?”

“Yeah, Maria and Bev found ‘em early this mornin’.” He leads the two of you back towards his horse. “You’ll have ‘ta ride back with us.”

“I’ll ride with Jamie.” Jamie’s sort of new to Jackson, newer to you considering you’ve only been there about a year and he’s got a quarter more on you. He’s friendly, you like him. You have a feeling Joel holds a very different sentiment as he glowers, displeased as the man helps you up.

“Hold on tight.” He grins. Joel looks about one more dazzling smile from murdering him in cold blood.

He’s quiet the whole ride back, broody with his face set in a scowl. Tommy makes conversation here and there, asks what happened again and nearly breaks his neck when he whips his head to look at you in shock. You get similar reactions when you make it back to Jackson and explain.

“Joel!” Ellie flings herself at him and nearly bowls him over in her rush to hug him. You’re next, though with noticeably less force. You must still look a little rough, “What the hell happened?”

“We were passin’ over the lake n’ she fell through the ice.” He omits the part before that where you’d nearly gotten your face eaten by an infected, and for that, you’re thankful.

She pales, looking at you like you’ve grown an extra head, “You what?!”

“I’m fine.” You rush to reassure, glaring at Joel where he’s slipping the reigns off Tommy’s horse out of the corner of your eye, “It’s nothing to worry about now.”

“Like hell it ain’t.” He grumbles under his breath as he carefully slips the bit from the horse’s mouth and gives him a pat on the cheek, muttering a clipped ‘hey’ when you thwack his shoulder as hard as you’re willing. He gives Ellie a short, well meaning lecture that’s met with a very prompt dismissal consisting of some very colourful language as you move to help Jamie with his mare. Maria stops you with a hand on your wrist.

“Jamie’s got it, you go home. I don’t want to see you working for the next couple of days, alright?”

“But-?”

She cuts you off with a firm shake of her head. “That wasn’t a suggestion.”

“Alright.” You sigh, handing Jamie the reigns. As you’re leaving, you barely catch Joel whisper a ‘thank you’ to her and whip around to glower at him. “You’re responsible for my involuntary sick leave?”

“Necessary sick leave. And no, I’m not. You’re just known to be lackin’ in the self preservation department, so we gotta have some for you.” He teases, bumping your shoulder a little in a way you think is supposed to be playful. “C’mon. I’m walkin’ you home.”

“Yeah? Finally done with your brooding?”

He clicks his teeth, “M’ not brooding.”

“Not now, but you were.”

“Was not.”

“Was too.”

“Quit it.” He breathes a laugh, shaking his head. You grin, victorious.

“I’m serious, you scowled the whole way back. Between the cold and the time it took to get here, I was a little worried your face would get stuck like that. I’d never get to see that charming smile again.”

He rolls his eyes. “How would you ever survive?”

You both chuckle, before falling into comfortable silence. You pass house after house, before taking a right onto your street. Through their front window, you can see a couple you’ve yet to meet properly stands in their living room, swaying in an embrace, gazing at each other with an appreciation you only come to grasp when you’ve nearly lost someone. The man slides a hand from her waist to her cheek, thumbing the underside of her eye, and you’re reminded of the feel of Joel’s calloused palm holding your frigid cheek.

You frown, pulling your prying eyes from the sweet scene as you near your own home, “Hey, why’d you... hold my face for a second out there?”

He flushes, clears his throat with a frown, “Your pupils were so big, could barely see any colour.”

As you reach your porch, he looks deep in thought and- Worried? Rattled, maybe. Moreso as he softly admits, “You scared the hell outta me, y’know.”

“Yeah, I know.” In a rare act of bravery, you take his warm hand and squeeze, gazing at him earnestly, “I’m really sorry.”

He visibly softens, the perpetual wrinkle in his brow smoothing into something warmer, a little hesitant, dare you say even timid. You watch his gaze flick over your face before he squeezes back cautiously, “S’alright. Was my fault. Knew we shouldn’t a’ crossed that way this time a’ year.”

“Don’t blame yourself. I suggested it, it was my fault, too.” You reply, firm but gentle.

He looks down with a hum, scuffing the toe of a heavy boot over the concrete path that leads to your house. There’s a small silence, and you’re trying to find the words to assure him you were both idiots for trying to pass over that damn lake when he pipes up again.

“I meant it, before,” He smiles cautiously, unsure of himself, “Don’t ever pull shit like that again.”

You laugh, glad the mood has shifted to something lighter, still holding his hand as you shake your head, “I meant it too! I didn’t do it on purpose.”

He chuckles, looking down to your linked hands. You watch his expression carefully, and something bittersweet twists his lips when he gives yours one last squeeze before pulling away.

“See you ‘round, yeah?” Your heart sinks to your stomach and hollows it out, making room for a strange disappointment. Something that feels a little like grief as you watch what could have been as it slips through your fingers and takes half a step back from your porch.

“Yeah.” It soughs out on a breath that leaves your lungs too quick, and you take another, controlled and slow. You nod, smile tight lipped, “See you around, Joel.”

You turn, make it up the wooden steps of your porch and through the threshold of your door. It shuts, and you just stand there, snow melting off of your boots and coat and soaking into the door mat below. It feels wrong, leaving whatever happened between you undiscussed, and the hollow feeling pulses achingly in your throat. There’s something there, something palpable. Something that could be real, if only you would reach for it. You wish he would have reached for it. You wish you would reach for it now. But it’s impulsive. It’s reckless. He knows that, that’s why he left it alone. It needs more thought, you rationalize.

You turn on your heel and reach for the door handle. He’s already standing there with a hand raised to knock when it opens, looking as startled as you are.

“Listen, I-.” He clears his throat, shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. It’s endearing to see him so bashful, “What happened out there... I couldn’t not say somethin’.”

There’s too much air in your chest. Your vocal cords feel more like wind chimes – unpredictable, and at the mercy of something more so. You don’t trust your breath to sway them the way you want them to.

“Yeah?” You try anyway. It drifts out soft and hangs in the air.

“Yeah.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, glances over your shoulder with a sniff, then chuckles nervously, “Hadn’t actually thought about what that somethin’ would be ‘fore I did this.”

You chuckle with him; startled, shy.

“Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?” He asks like it’s easy, but the colour in his cheeks give him away. They’re a bit too pink for it to be just a cold flush.

Your stomach does a strange flip. You’ve waited months for him to ask, too afraid to ask yourself without knowing what his answer might be. You dig your thumbnail into the side of your index finger and rejoice at the pinch. He’s real, and he’s really asking.

The sound you make is halfway between a laugh and a sigh, “This is a little backwards, isn’t it?”

He frowns. “What d’you mean?”

“I mean, usually you take a lady out to eat before you sleep with her.” You simper, your teasing tentative. He stares at you, stunned, for a long, unbelievably nerve wracking moment.

“I take it back. I’ll eat by myself.” He laughs, shaking his head. He stays standing on your porch.

“Wha-,” You gape, laughing as you thwack his arm, “Hey, you already offered, you can’t take it back now!”

He smiles so terribly, wonderfully soft. “So I take it you do, then?”

God, it has to be illegal to look at someone like that, you think. It’s got to be some sort of health hazard, the way you feel as though you might just go into cardiac arrest right here on your porch. You smile, giddy and trying your damndest to smother it into something just a little less eager, “I’d love to have dinner with you, Joel.”

“How ‘bout tomorrow night? My place?”

“Yeah.” You can’t help the grin that sneaks up on you, “Yeah, that’d be good.”

He smiles back, soft and warm in a way you have a feeling is reserved for you, “Pick you up a six.”

“You’re right across the street, Joel.” You laugh, gesturing to the house maybe fifty paces from yours if you took long enough strides.

He chuckles along with you, “So?”

“So, I could just come over.”

“You could.” He shrugs a shoulder, grinning something that makes him look years younger; the ghost of a cheeky, twenty-something year old buried under as many years and then some, breathing his first breath in decades with heartbeat restored, “But what kind a’ gentleman would I be if I didn’t walk you there?”

“Alright.” You smile soft, committing his expression to memory. “I’ll be waiting.”

“Countin’ the minutes.” He takes your hand again and steps in close, leaning in to press his warm lips to the apple of your cheek, beard prickling ticklishly. Good god, you can’t feel your legs. Your is heart bouncing between your ribs so quick its making you a little lightheaded. You wonder if he’s grinning because he could feel the heat rising off your skin. He squeezes your tingling fingers and lets his slide from them slow like he’s loathe to leave. “See you ‘round.”

“See you around, Joel.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller/reader #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #tlou #tlou fic #joel x reader #joel x you #joel x y/n

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afro-hispwriter · 11 months ago

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Ewan Mitchell drabble

Ewan Mitchell x reader

Summary- you've been trying to get Ewan to watch Game of Thrones with you.

Warnings- language?, dirty minds?

Wc-480

"This is the perfect time Ewan, I'm rewatching the show you can watch it with me. Please!" You pleaded with a pout at the man.

"No.”

"Please, just one episode, or if you really like it, or the first 6 seasons at least."

"No." He flopped on the couch.

"Ewan!"

"Yes love?" He raised an eyebrow at you.

"Please, one episode." You climbed into his lap and hooked your hands on the back of his neck. "I will do anything you want for a week."

Ewan licked his lips and grabbed your wrists to bring them to his mouth. He kissed them both and looked up at you.

"Even." He let your wrists go and grabbed your hips instead to pull you in closer. He pushed his face up so his nose brushed against yours. "That steak recipe your mother served us last week?" Your shoulders slumped and your eyes rolled.

"No fun." You started sliding off his lap but he tightened his grip.

"Not everyone has a dirty mind like you."

"Just one episode and I will never bother you about it again." You fiddled with the silver chain on his neck.

"I doubt that but it's still no, and you know why."

"Ewannn." You elongated. "Season 2 has yet to air and even then, you have to wait for them to announce if they are renewing it for a third season."

"I need to keep an open mind."

"You can still do that with one episode." You smiled brightly, Ewan threw his head back and scoffed in amusement. His Adam’s apple moved and you ducked your head down to place a light kiss on either side.

“Nope, none of that.” Ewan lifted his head and grabbed your chin. “You will not tempt me.” You pouted once again and moved your face out of his grip, then leaned over to grab the table next to the couch for your phone.

“Guess I will just have to call Tom and see if he wants to come over and watch it with me.” You said, pretending to be annoyed. You slid off his lap and sat next to him. You pretended to dial your friend when Ewan snatched the phone out of your hand and tossed it on the coffee table. The six-foot man practically flattened you into the couch. You giggled but it was silenced by Ewan’s thin lips being placed on yours.

“One episode.” He says after pulling away. Your face brightened.

“You won’t regret it.”

“Are you serious? They’re just going to kill Ned just like that?” Ewan says in disbelief as he stands before the large TV. “When does the little shit Joffery die?” He turns to you in search of an answer. You smirked and crossed your legs.

“Guess we’ll have to keep watching.”

A/n- low key wanna do mini Ewan drabbles

#ewan mitchell #ewan mitchell x reader

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mediumgayitalian · 1 year ago

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Plink.

“Psst, hey! Nico!”

Plink. Plink.

“Nico! You up?”

Plink.

Plink plink plink. Plink —

“What in the world,” Nico hisses, yanking open his window, “is going — oh.” He blinks. “Will?”

Will grins. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighbourhood,” he says, voice not nearly quiet enough for someone who is at direct risk of being devoured. “Thought I’d drop by. Can I come in?”

If Nico were smart, he would say no, actually, it’s like four in the godsdamn morning, go the hell back to your cabin. What is wrong with you.

Instead, he says, “We live in the same neighbourhood, dweeb-face, this is a camp,” and opens his window all the way. Will grins at him, wide and glinting in the dark, and yanks himself in head-first, somersaulting onto the floor and staying there, sprawled on the polished marble floors.

“Hi,” he says again, grin shifting into something more crooked.

Nico breaks away, hiding a smile with rolled eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s ridiculous to want to see you?”

“Before dawn? Yes!”

“Aw.” He settles against the ground, tucking his hands behind his head and letting half lidded eyes trace over Nico’s form, over the sleepy shape of him. Nico shivers. “I was awake, you know. I dreamt of you.”

Cool the fresh hell down, Nico screams at his brain. Out loud, he says, “Shut the fuck up,” and ignores Will’s snickering. How dare he, honestly. For someone who gets clowned as often as he does he is not nearly humble enough. Apollonian genes, indeed.

“What, you don’t dream of me?”

When Will lies, his throat swells up and he breaks out in hives. Nico is at the top of the leaderboard for getting the reaction out of him, with Cecil at a close second and Kayla no slouch in third place. Will is highly manipulable. It’s a good time for everyone around (even Chiron, who is, to his own irritation, lumbering behind at spot #42).

Nico, however, has no such holdups. Nor is he inclined, at any point in time, to fluff up Will’s ego, no matter how he looks when he’s cocky. Nico has self control. Mostly. (Well, at times.)

“Of course not. My subconscious would never do that to me.”

“You’re mean to me, di Angelo.”

“You like it.”

Nico watches, fascinated, as Will’s loudmouth snaps right shut; as his face burns sacred cow right in the low light of the cabin, as he squirms.

“Oh,” he says, gleefully.

“Can it, di Angelo —”

“Oh ho ho ho —”

“I’m gonna curse your ass with haiku disorder, do you know what that is, ‘cause I’ll show you, dickhead —”

Nico crouches down and pokes Will hard in the cheek, and he doesn’t even flinch — he just goes redder. Nico guffaws.

“Dude! Have some — dignity, oh my —”

“Shut up! Shut up! You’re so horrible, gods, I am leaving —”

“Oh, come here.” Will is dragged easily from the windowsill, because he is a big fat faker. There are actual claw marks on the infirmary door from the last time Austin brought Nyssa to drag him out.

“I don’t wanna stay where I’m unwanted,” he laments, bouncing on the bed when Nico shoves him. He takes the inch Nico gives him and burrows deeply under the blankets, throwing a melodramatic hand over his eyes. Nico rolls his own eyes, hoping if he rolls then hard enough Will can tell regardless of whether or not he’s looking, and crawls in after him. He makes sure to kick him at least thrice. “I can take a hint, you know.”

“Medical arts were the wrong career path for you. It’s not too late, you know. I’m sure you could shadow Nicholas Cage or something —”

“I am going to kill you with hammers —”

Nico evades gus clumsy attacks with ease, snickering as he pins him to the bed, smirking when he gives up fighting with a huff.

“I’m glad you came when you couldn’t sleep,” Nico says, after a moment for them to catch their breath. “But the point of that agreement is for you to then shut the fuck up and sleep. Here. So.”

“I’m trying,” Will grumbles. “But you’re being mean and it’s crushing my soul. How am I supposed to sleep with a crushed soul?”

“Oh my gods.”

“Okay, okay! Put the pillow away, jeez, I’m sorry. Meanie.”

Nico rolls his eyes again, settling down next to him. Will takes longer to settle, because he’s annoying, but right before Nico is ready to smack the shit out of him again, he calms down, burrowing stilling once he’s turned on his side.

“…Thank you.”

“Whatever, goober. Go to sleep.”

The smile is obvious in his voice. “Goodnight, Nico.”

“Goodnight, Will.”

“In the morning can we —”

“Goodnight, William.”

“Okay, okay. Night.” He pauses. “Love you.”

Nico shoved his grinning face into his pillow. “Love you too.”

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soft-pine · 6 months ago

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spn20rewatch: 1.18 something wicked

say your desk is covered with a pile of paperclips. something wicked is the magnet you drop in the middle and then they all stick to it; they're all connected.

it's all here. the parentification, the neglect, the way john treats dean which sam doesn't witness, the extreme likelihood that john was using his kids as bait, and the intentional, specific, glorious, lovely ways dean has specifically chosen not to be like his dad.

in the flashbacks, we see dean is in charge of feeding and looking after sam for (at least) three days in some random motel room with the shades drawn. he's not even supposed to go outside. he doesn't have a number for john, just the instruction that if john's not back by a certain time, he's supposed to call pastor jim.

we see john giving dean instructions and responsibility (and criticisms) which he's not giving to sam.

dean is at most 11 years old (ep takes place in 2006. dean says the case from when he was a kid was 16-17 years ago (1989/1990). john's journal places it in 1988; dean was 9)

crucially, even as an adult, dean barely talks to sam about what he remembers of the case when he was a kid. he lets go of little bits at a time and absolutely necessary to the case. but he does not want to process what happened. even when he's so torn up that he breaks down and explains what happened, he doesn't want to talk about it. in part, of course, because he's ashamed of failing to kill the shtriga. but also because dean keeps john's secrets (9.07). and even when he doesn't, sam is not who he tends to process with.

but it's deeply impactful to have an episode where we get to see how dean was treated as a child versus how he treats the kids he meets.

dean is so kind to children throughout season 1, from lucas in 1.03 to lily and charlie in 1.05 to michael here. there is something so great about the way he is both clear that the bad things aren't these kid's fault, while also understanding kids have agency and insight.

i know dean is torn up about using michael as bait for the shtriga but feels he doesn't have much of a choice in order to stop the thing. but the conversation he has with michael is so thorough it really gets me.

DEAN: This camera has night vision on it so we'll be able to see clear as day.... Are we good? SAM: A hair to the right... There, there. MICHAEL: What do I do? DEAN: Just stay under the covers. MICHAEL: And if it shows up? DEAN: We'll be right in the next room. We're gonna come in with guns. So, as soon as we do you roll off this bed and you crawl under it. MICHAEL: What if you shoot me? DEAN: We won't shoot you. We're good shots. We're not going to fire until you're clear ok? Have you heard a gunshot before? MICHAEL: Like in the movies? DEAN: It's gonna be a lot louder than in the movies. So I want you to stay under the bed, cover your ears, do not come out until we say so. You understand? DEAN: Michael, you sure you wanna do this? DEAN: You don't have to, it's ok, I won't be mad. MICHAEL: No I'm ok. Just don't shoot me. DEAN: We're not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.

what a specific contrast that is with

DEAN hesitates, terrified. As he does JOHN bursts through the front door, gun raised. JOHN: (Shouting) Get out of the way! DEAN ducks and JOHN shoots the shtriga multiple times with his hand gun.

something wicked is up there with monster at the end of the book for episode titles that'll make you crazy if you think about it too much.

some other thoughts are just, the first time i watched this scene i thought i was going to explode with love:

DEAN: Yeah well, first of all, I'm not going to open fire in a freakin' pediatrics ward.... Second, wouldn't have done any good, because the bastard's bullet proof unless he's chowing down on something. And third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a really good thing cause I probably would have just burned a clip in him on principle alone.

moral compass boy i would die for you a thousand times and get up and gladly do it again.

and nothing - i mean nothing - hits like dean's voice cracking over the "if it means anything sometimes i do too." like i could actually go insane.

also watching supernatural is how you fill up a computer disc with pictures of dean looking ever so beautiful. like. look at him!! ethereal!!

also also ilu microaggression michael. they should have brought you back in the finale, king.

#spn20rewatch #1.18 #1x18 #something wicked #dean studies #dean and john #i love him so much when hes angry #if deans anger has no enthusiasts assume im dead #not a deans anger defender because hes right hes right hes right hes right #moral compass boy #help im so behind but my farm season is almost over and then its spn time babeeeeey

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rory-cakes · 8 months ago

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You Seriously Didn't Know?

Oikawa Tooru was a volleyball-brained idiot. All his past relationships knew it, and so did all of his teammates. However, they didn't realize how much until the first week of his 3rd year.

L/n Y/n was cool. I mean, the kinda cool that gets her own fan club as soon as she starts school. You could tell she had multiple piercings but only ever wore her studs to school. She had well-manicured nails, but there were calluses on her palms. She wore the uniform so well. She gave off an ora of respect, and everyone soon watched what the new upperclassman would do.

L/n Y/n had gone to an all-girls high school until her final year when she transferred to Aoiba Josai due to her school going under. She had been the girls' volleyball team manager back at her old school. Unfortunately, the girls' volleyball club at her new school had been disbanded after the last 3rd years graduated.

That's how we ended here in the present. Team Captain Oikawa Tooru, the most popular boy in his year, is silent for once. He watches as the coach talks to the pretty new girl, red in the face.

"Oi! Shittykawa! Stop gaping at the pore girl and get to practicing!" Iwaizumi is so close to throwing a ball at the pretty boy's head.

Suddenly, Oikawa turns to him with a massive smile, "Iwa-chan! I think I've found the love of my life!!"

Is he that stupid? Is all Iwaizumi can think as he looks between the girl and his best friend. Welp! He'll learn the hard way.

"Y/n-chan~"

"Yes Oikawa-san?"

Oikawa pouted.

"How come you still won't call me by my first name!?"

Y/n just raised a brow.

"I don't recall giving you permission to call me by my first name, Oikawa-san, but you don't see me pestering you about it?"

Pfft- The other third years tried to hold in their laughter as their captain got shot down for the fourth time that week.

It was Tuesday.

It has been two months since L/n Y/n joined the boys' volleyball club as their manager. In those two months, Oikawa Tooru has tried every trick in the book to woo the pretty transfer student, but nothing seems to work.

He was so close to straight-up confessing, but he didn't wanna make things awkward.

"Oi! Oikawa-san! Coach said you wanted a practice match with karasuno right?"

"Yeah! That's right."

"Well, you got it! It's in a week, and they agreed to your dumbass terms."

"Yes, Tobio-chan, I can't wait to crush your spirit!"

The manager made a weireded out face and smacked the captain over the head.

"You got issues, man."

"Koko!"

"Hello, my love."

The two women smiled as they stared at each other. They hadn't had much time to spend together as they both had club activities.

Y/n leaned in and kiss her lover's forehead as she brought her into a hug.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Kiyoko's grip tightened around Y/n's waist and nuzzled into her neck. Their teams were great and they loved spending time with them was too much.

"We have a practice match against your team."

"I know." Kiyoko's voice was a little muffled as she spoke against her girlfriend's neck, her breath sending a shiver down Y/n's spine.

"I think if your team wins the captain of mine with throw a fit."

Kiyoko giggled and pulled back, looking into her lover's eyes.

"We'll just have to see then won't we?"

Y/n smiled and leaned in,"I guess we will."

chu~

The day of the Karasuno vs. Aoba Josai practice match finally came, and Oikawa was late and missing.

"I swear I'll kill him."

"I won't stop you, but try not to do it in front of the other team. Fewer witnesses that way."

"Manager-san, you scare me sometimes."

"Good!"

Karasuno finally entered the gym. The captain, Sawamura Daichi, spots a familiar face on the other side of the court.

"Hey Kiyoko?"

Kiyoko looks up from her clipboard, "Yes Daichi-san?"

"Isn't that Y/n? I thought she went to an all girls school?"

Sugawara butted in, "No, she transfered right? Cause the school closed down?"

"Koushi is right. She became the manager about two months ago, that's how we were able to secure this practice match."

Sugawara started nudging his manager,"Using your connections huh?"

Kiyoko blushed, "Nothing of the sort. It was just convenient timing."

"Course, Course."

---

On the other side of the gym Y/n's teammates kept wondering why karasuno seemed to know their manager.

Iwaizumi finally asked, "Hey, L/n?"

"Yes, Iwaizumi?"

"Do you know people at karasuno? They keep looking at you."

"Oh? Yeah! My girlfriend is their manager, and I've met the second and third years on their team!"

"Really? Is that why it was so easy to set up a practice match?"

"More or less."

"Okay."

Man, Oikawa will get the wake-up call of his life today if he bothers to show up.

"ALL RIGHT LINE UP!"

Karasuno won by a hair.

They knew that but DAMN it felt good.

Y/n noticed Oikawa missing after the murder of crows left and decided to follow them and look for him, knowing his antics would likely get him in trouble.

"There's not much time left 'til the tournament. I look forward to seeing you there."

"OI!"

Oikawa flinched and looked ahead. There stood his manager and love of his life looking very pissed off.

"WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT TORMENTING OTHER TEAMS OFF THE COURT!!!"

Karasuno's third years just smiled at the scene, used to the girl's antics.

"Y/n-chan~ but whyyyy?"

"It's foul play, and you know it!"

"Y/n it's okay, his little speal gave us motivation!"

"You're too nice daichi."

Oikawa looked startled.

"Wait, Y/n-chan you know them?"

"Yeah our manager Kiyoko is her girlfriend."

GIRLFRIEND!?

"Oh! I had no idea! Excuse me, please."

"Wonder why he went pale?"

"Y/n-chan is GAY????"

"You seriously didn't know?"

"NO??"

"Wow, for someone who's bi, your gaydar is shit."

"No wonder she never flirted back with me."

"For your information Oikawa-san, even if I did like men, I would have gone for Iwaizumi, not you."

"I appreciate it."

"Oof! Salt in the wound!"

"SHUT UP!"

A/N: Hope you liked this!! I needed more wlw shit on this app and had this idea for a while.

201 notes · View notes

webslingingslasher · 2 years ago

Note

taylor swift song request lesgooo!!! end game from reputation where y/n has a really big reputation as a 'bad girl' and peter (good boy loml) ends up tutoring her, and sees she isn't all bad...

first off, i am so sorry this took so long, you may not even be on my page anymore, but this struck something in me & i couldn't stop.

second, i switched up the request a little because if you listen to the song, (in a non snooty way lmao) taylor is the one expressing she wants to be with this person but she has a bad repuation and everyone's heard about it, and it's a lot to commit to because of the talk surrounding her.

---------

Everyone had it wrong.

You were good. And kind. And smart. And talented. And confused. And lost. And just like every other kid in the school. You were good. You stayed to yourself. You didn’t gossip. You didn’t judge. You didn’t tattle. You were good.

So why did everyone hate you so much?

It was your brother’s fault. His reputation preceded yours and it ruined everything for you.

He was the one that picked fights.

He was the one that pushed teachers to the limits.

He’s the one that sold dope from his locker.

He’s the one that hooked up with a girl in the teacher's lounge.

And the third floor bathroom.

And the girls locker room.

And underneath the bleachers.

He’s the one that made everyone think you were just alike.

It ruined everything about high school so far.

Jokes, rumors, lost friendships, people refusing to date you.

It was childish and unfair. You wanted one person on your side, the one person you watched in class, the one person that was nice to you in a school of jekyll’s. And you couldn’t have him.

“Hey, still coming later?”

Peter Parker had a smile that could make the devil buckle. He was sugar, spice and everything nice. Long time crush, but the part where you’ve been smeared into a good for nothing whore, made nothing possible.

“You sure you still wanna do this? I don’t mind asking Mrs. Stu-”

Peter called your name like you were telling a joke, “it’s my honor to tutor you! Don’t blow me off.”

You want to protect him. You like him too much. He hangs around you long enough and accusations with his name start flying around with yours.

“If you’re so desperate,” grinning brightly, “I’ll see you later.”

Peter was so kind to tutor you. Your teacher asked on your behalf, she said she thought you’d be a good pair and you couldn’t deny the extra help, too bad Peter had to be the one on the chopping block. He was being a good samaritan and you knew what it would cause for him, even with the alone time you’ve been craving, you’d keep him pushed away at all costs.

You didn’t want the fallout to burn him, you’re used to the sting and he’s someone that shouldn’t feel anything but a loving touch.

Even if it would kill you, you’d have to pretend to be disinterested in Peter Parker and watch him walk away.

Oh, the things you do for love.

—------------

You’ve never felt so paranoid in your life. You swore everyone was looking at you, or maybe they were looking at Peter. Telling themselves it seemed fit that a nerd would be trying his shot with the school whore, because it’s not like you’d say no.

“Hi, can I sit?” Peter pointed at the patch of grass next to you, your eyes squinted as you looked up at him, it was hard reading his expression. You were the shade but he was standing under the sun, everything was washed out and too bright.

“Um, here?” you pointed at the same spot, taking a chance to look around, you felt eyes all over you. “Yeah, I mean, unless you want me here?” He pointed at a patch on the other side of you, “or here,” gesturing next to your feet, “you know what? You choose, I’m the guest.”

He’s so nice. Gentle, even. You hadn’t experienced someone so kind, so golden hearted, in a minute. His kindness shouldn’t be his weakness or his downfall. With one last scope of the scene you assume he could stay for a moment, at least you could figure out where to meet later.

You give Peter a smile and pat the first spot he pointed out, “you can sit,” answering his original question. His backpack hit the ground first, jimming himself closer to the tree behind you to rest his back on. Peter’s fingers picked pieces of grass, you assume in boredom.

“So,” you both speak at the same time, a soft exhaling laugh at the symmetry. You wave Peter along, the sooner he gets it out the sooner he can leave, the quicker he is with you the less he’ll be attacked.

“Wanna meet at the library?”

And have everyone see? Have his reputation smeared like your own? There’s a reason you don’t have many people around you, you can’t believe he doesn’t see it.

“No,” he’s taken a bit back by your blunt tone. Peter hums low, “your place?”

You scoff, “absolutely not.”

There’s no other option then, “alright, my place it is. Wanna come with me after school? We could take the bus, unless you prefer the subway.”

God, there’s nothing in the world you want more. It was too dangerous, if you got close enough it’d be too hard to rip it away. If you were seen leaving school with him, going to his house with him, it’d be over for him. You would give him the mark of cain.

It hurts more than you’d like to admit, you take your turn at plucking small weeds, avoiding his face. He’s hard to say no to.

“I can’t. But, I’ll come over tonight.”

You hate how happy he sounded when he answered, it was so unfair. You were a good kid, your brother was the bad one, but you dealt with all the repercussions. Your heart felt so weighed down, you wanted nothing more to reach out and hold Peter’s hand.

You wanted a boyfriend.

You wanted a friend.

You wanted love.

You wanted to feel accepted and heard and validated and supported by one person.

But you couldn’t have him.

“Cool. Wanna give me your number?” It’d be better than talking in person, easier to keep him away from you unless absolutely necessary. You nod, finally looking at him when you hand over your phone, he’s got a giant smile and you have to look back down at a patch of weeds with a single dandelion poking from it.

“Yours?”

Peter’s fingers brush yours when he hands his over, a warm jolt spreads down your wrist and into your elbow. It makes you feel alive, it’s a welcomed feeling. You try to forget it immediately.

His screen is cracked and scratchy as you type your number in, feeling him watch over your face you scan the crowd of people. You swear you see someone pointing, you shove his phone back in his hand, scrambling to stand.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way, I have to go.”

He’s not allowed to care this much. It’s unfair.

“You don’t want to have lunch with me? I have half a sandwich if you want it, I know we only have like, ten minutes left but if you want it, it’s yours.”

‘If you want it, it’s yours.’

Does he mean it? Is there a limit to what could be yours?

Too bad you’ll never know.

“Thank you, but I can’t.” He almost looks disappointed, you have to stop making things up.

“You sure? I don’t mind sharing with you.”

You do. He can’t suffer the same consequences you do, it’s too isolating. Lonely. You were lonely. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll see you later, Peter.”

Peter takes his time unwrapping his homemade sandwich from cellophane, he takes a bite from half and moans, outstretching his hand with the other half, still wrapped up. “Here, take it to go. My aunt made it, if you try hard enough you can taste the love.”

He’s god damn irresistible.

You take his gift, slowly backing away, “thanks, I’ll search for it.”

Peter’s smile hurts your eyes, “good, it isn’t hard to find.” He’s adorable, even when he’s wrong.

It must be his superpower.

—-------------------

Peter’s aunt was two things.

A lot, and very kind.

You can see where Peter gets his aggressive pleasantry from, the moment she opened the door she was eager to please you. May wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug, her voice cheery in your ear.

“Oh my goodness, it is so nice to put a face to the name.”

Politely patting her back you swallow thickly, she’s heard all about you and your make believe history. She’s kind but you know in the back of her mind she’s hoping you’d leave her nephew alone, get what you need from him and leave.

“Nice meeting you too, you make a killer sandwich, by the way.”

She gasps, pushing you away by your shoulders, moving her head to catch her eyes. An unfamiliar smile crosses her face, you don’t know what it means but it feels as welcoming and radiant as Peter’s.

“Oh, good! He shared.”

May said it like it was planned, like she could tell you were confused she broke your attention away. “I made cookies, because everyone knows you need sugar to help you focus.” A wink, she was so gentle, it’s something about those Parker’s.

You play along, it’s nice to be welcomed for once. Even if it’s until you’re gone, the moment she tells Peter she knows all about you and to keep his distance.

“I think I read a story on that once, nine out of ten dentists agree, right?”

And just for a moment you let yourself dream, floating on your imaginary high of Peter Parker when his aunt laughs at your joke, her smile slowly dimming while she looks at your face, deep in thought. A confident head nod.

“Peter was right about you.”

You should take it negatively, but you don’t. There’s something about her that tells you she only means well. It must mean she hasn’t heard the bad things, but once she does, she’d be eating her words.

But damn, if you aren’t curious about what Peter said. Was he nice, did he hint at a crush, did he make his aunt believe you were someone you’re not?

“Peter was right about what?”

The devil himself appeared from nowhere, his body standing next to yours, so closely you can feel hints of his cotton zip up hoodie brushing your arms. You closed your eyes to breathe slowly, the sight of him with his hands flat on the kitchen counter, leaning his weight into the laminate, his hoodie strings dangling in a tempting way.

In a way you want to pull him closer by them, curling the fabric around your fingers and tugging him until his mouth is on yours.

You’re easy to read, you can see it on May’s face the second you open your eyes. You know in an instant she knows that you like her nephew. Even more surprisingly, she looks excited with the knowledge.

Her eyes flicker back to her nephew, “how lovely you said our guest was, what else did you say?”

You can see Peter freeze, “May,” it’s a warning tone. His aunt bulldozes, “wasn’t it something about how pr-” You don’t know what she says, Peter speaks over her. “May!” Jumping in your spot, caught off guard by his sudden tone and volume change, Peter moves a hand to your arm, “sorry,” it was delicate, it was him saying he was only sorry towards you, sorry for catching you off guard.

Fighting past his numbing touch, you smile, “it’s okay, I didn’t know you could be so stern.”

You need to see a therapist, because you swear you shared a moment. “Only when it’s something I’m passionate about.”

He’s talking about you, he has to be. You want him to be.

You have no idea how you’ll keep yourself from tying to him. But you’ll give it a fighting chance.

“You know what I’m passionate about?” Peter shakes his head, it’s hard to look away from his eyes, you never knew brown eyes could be so pretty. But you do, attention directed to fresh made chocolate chip cookies.

“Cookies.”

Peter won’t let you off that easy, “what kind?”

You bounce different flavors over in your head, “you’re opening pandora's box, parker. I mean, are we talking grocery store, homemade, or bakery?”

His arms crossed over his chest, “well, now I need to know every answer.”

You blow out a breath like you’re about to compete in the olympics, “alright, off the shelf grocery, you can’t go wrong with double stuffed oreos. But, personally, those keebler elves, with the fudge? I love em, my mom stopped buying them cause I’d eat half the pack in one sitting, so now my dad sneaks them to me. But, I mean, you can’t go wrong with those little bakery sugar cookies, you know, the ones that stick to the roof of your mouth?”

Peter bites back a grin, you weren’t lying, you really were passionate.

“I know what ones you’re talking about, they’re gross.” It’s the most offensive thing he could say to you. “You’re wrong, but okay.” He laughs, “opinions can’t be wrong,” you pull your head back, “they absolutely can, yours is proof.”

You look for support from his aunt but she’s long gone, you didn’t even see her back away.

Peter rolls his hand, amping you on, “homemade?”

You spit the answer quickly, “butterscotch oatmeal.” He’s never heard of them, or tasted them, but if you love them, he thinks he would too. “You’ll have to bring me some to try, they sound tempting.” Agreeing with him, “you’d never go back.”

“Bakery?”

“That’s the tricky one, it’s a rare find, not every place has them. But it’s my all time favorite flavor of anything ever made, s’mores.”

Peter loves it, your favorite treat was s’mores and it fit you.

His personal mission was tracking one down and bringing it to you.

“S’mores? Really?”

You nod, “really, really. If you find one you’ll have to try it, unless you have another wrong opinion and don’t like s’mores.”

“Nah, I love s’mores.”

Peter Parker was too good of a person to bring down. You need to shut down your admiration, because his alienation would hurt the most.

—---------------------

This wasn’t good. No, this was bad. This was really bad.

Peter Parker just called open season on himself and it was all your fault.

You should’ve refused for him to be your tutor, that was the mistake. The moment it was agreed upon it was over. You should’ve never gone over to his house, if you hadn't then you would’ve never told him about your favorite cookie, and he wouldn’t have gotten you one.

It happened in third period, he approached your seat and set a small white box in front of you. Your eyes flickered from the box to him several times before you asked, “what’s this?” A gift, you knew that much, he’s given you a gift and Jeffery Stewart was watching it go down. Peter would have an hour until he was tied to you.

“Open it,” slowly opening the cardboard your heart skips three beats, once for each cookie. You’ve never felt so seen, dare you even say loved? He listened, that’s what it was. He listened to you and he tracked them down and presented them to you, he was proud.

Peter Parker has made everything about your current life harder.

“Oh my god, where did you find these?”

He shakes his head, like it doesn’t matter where he sourced them, what matters is that he did.

“You were right, they’re hard to track down, it took me three days. Surprisingly, they’re mostly seasonal.”

You tsk, contemplating tearing one in half right now. “It’s so wrong, isn’t it? I mean, you can buy s’mores stuff all year long, so it doesn’t make sense.” Fuck it, it’s selfish, but he went above and beyond.

Splitting a cookie, you hand half over, cheersing yours with his. You throw your head back and hum the second you bite down, they’re the best ones you’ve ever had. You weren’t sure if it was because they were that good, or because it felt like they were purchased with care.

“Holy shit, Peter. These are unearthly.”

He’s in the same boat, he can understand why they’re your favorite now.

Nodding excessively, “my world has changed for the better.”

“Yeah, mine too.” It was a slip, you didn’t mean to say it. It came out without thinking, you said it sincerely, and he knows it. Peter finished the rest of his cookie and licked his thumb, “good, I’m glad to hear it.”

This was bad. This was very bad.

Because Peter Parker lays his hand on your desk and leans in, really closely, it makes you stop functioning all together. He needs to leave, he needs to back away, he needs to leave you alone. He doesn’t know what he's doing to himself, but you’re too selfish to stop it.

Even with Jeffery Stewart staring you down like a dog in heat, a wicked grin spreads while he ropes over the many rumors he’s about to flood the halls with.

“Wanna come over tonight?”

Lost in a world of a million thoughts, all of them being about the distance from his lips to yours. Blinking back to attention you groan, “I don’t really feel like studying tonight, my brain is mush.”

Peter nods, then moves in, just an inch closer, you feel like you’re about to die.

“Not what I asked.”

“I don’t-”

“I asked if you wanted to come over, not if you wanted to study.”

The room is spinning, everything is a blur. He’s flirting, Peter Parker is flirting with you in front of an audience. He’s fearless, it’s impressive. There’s no way he doesn’t know about your reputation, the things people say about you, the things you do.

Suddenly, a chill creeps up your spine. What if he knows exactly what people say, what if that’s why he’s being sweet, what if that’s why he’s acting like he cares? Fuck it, you’ll call him out on his bullshit, but privately, you don’t need any extra attention.

“Sure. Same time?”

“Same time,” it’s set in stone when the bell rings, Peter knocks his knuckles on your desk before he walks away. It’s unfair how much you hate to see him pull away from you.

—------------------

The upside to being cynical is that when things don’t work out, like you plan, you’re not that hurt, because you called it the whole time.

Just like Peter, you knew the second it circled back to him he’d be gone. It proved to be true when you heard mumbles by your locker, eyes flicking to you and back, quicker whispers shared.

From what you’ve gathered, either Peter has seen your nipple piercings or he’s given you nipple piercings. Not that you had them, but that didn’t matter. What now mattered was that Peter was directly tied to you and your boobs were involved, that’s enough alone for him to get a clap on the back while you’re being shamed for even acknowledging your body autonomy.

What a lame rumor, Jeffery Stewart could’ve gone to the moon with theories but this was the one he settled on? Usually he was a bit more creative, his last one ended up with you and the guidance counselor in the principal's office informing you that it was a safe space, and that if the school’s janitor came onto you it wasn’t your fault.

It took three weeks for people to totally forget it, but those few weeks you’d hear claps and wolf whistles when you passed by the janitor's closet made you feel like you were on the constant verge of vomiting.

Usually it wouldn’t bother you, but once they involved Peter’s name you felt sick. Everything you feared itching to life, and right when you heard a third possibility you couldn’t stay silent, slamming your locker door shut and giving wild eyes to the girl talking to her friend on your right.

“Which one is it, Lindsey? Was he holding my hand while I got them done, did he see them, or did he do them? I don’t know about you, but if I heard three totally different versions of a story I’d question the authenticity of the claim.”

It didn’t matter who was watching, you couldn’t hold it in.

You felt like you were on fire, you could see her sputter, like she didn’t expect you to call her out. You felt like the walls were closing in on you, she didn’t start the rumor but she was helping it spread and she was the closest person you could explode on.

“C’mon, Lindsey. Which one? I want to hear your side, unless you think it went down a totally different way. What? Scared to talk?”

Your throat’s closing, you can’t stop, you step closer, you shout at her.

“Which one, Lindsey!” The hall was dead silent, for the first time you had no cares about who was looking.

Her shoes squeak as she backs up, her eyes wide and blinking, a flash of terror, it makes you want to squeeze her and shake her, try to get her to understand this was what it felt like to be you.

“Fucking answer me!” Your voice cracked, she whimpered, fat tears falling.

“None! I don’t believe any of them!”

She doesn’t. You can see it written all over her face, she was just talking to talk, knowing you could hear every word she produced. It just made you feel sad.

“You can hunt other women as much as you want, Lindsey. But the collusion doesn’t save you from the same hunt.”

Lindsey nods, like she understands. But you know she doesn’t, you know she’ll keep being the same, until they turn on her, and then she’ll wonder why no one stands up for her and how anyone could believe the jargon they say about her. And on that day, you’d be nodding with the crowd.

—-------------

If Peter told his aunt about today she had an excellent poker face. Because she was more than happy seeing you when she opened the door, hugging you close before she could even shut it.

“Hi, sweetheart! How are you doing?” Politely hugging back, you talk back in her ear. “Hi, Ms. Parker, I’m good, how are you?” A squeeze before you’re released, her hands warm on your shoulders.

“Oh, please, just call me May. Did Peter give you the cookies?”

You nod while biting back a grin, she might have a clue for how you feel about her nephew but you’re not announcing it either. “Good,” she’s got something in her that makes you feel like she’s more of a wingwoman than aunt.

“Peter’s in his room, I won’t be back until late, are you sleeping over?”

You feel off balance for a second. May’s leaving you and Peter alone, for several hours, and then suggests you’ll be spending the night. She really is a wingwoman. It makes you second guess everything Peter might have told her, it’s clear she can see your mental gymnastics when she pats your arm.

“He said you guys are gonna hang out, maybe watch some movies. I just meant, will I be surprised if I come home to you two cuddled up somewhere.”

Is she saying not to fuck in the common areas?

“Are you saying-”

“Keep it in his room.”

Mortified. She must assume the worst out of you, you’ve only met her twice and her thought was that the second you were alone you’d be fuck bunnies. To be fair, Peter is really attractive. She can tell how embarrassed she’d made you and she’s quick to jump over it.

“No accusations and no shaming. I’d just rather be clear to both of you. Peter had a worse conversation, be glad.”

You take that as her permission, and that she likes you. She has to, she just implied she’d be cool if you and Peter hooked up. Even if the world hated you, having her approval made you feel like you had someone to impress again.

“Okay, I understand and accept the rules and boundaries of your home.”

May laughs, hooking her purse over her shoulder she pats your arm again. “You’re a good kid, don’t forget that.”

And that made you want to curl up and cry, you haven’t had unprompted support like that in years. It worked, because you’d never, not once, cross any boundary of her’s. In fact, after that? You’d die protecting hers.

“Thanks, May. See you later.”

A wink, “See you later, honey.”

You took a second to breathe, and look over yourself in the mirror before approaching Peter’s door. Knocking for a second and opening it when he answered, he spun one eighty in his desk chair, a blur of blue plaid until he settled.

Before he had a chance to speak you did, “did your aunt give us permission to have sex, or am I tripping?”

Peter’s grin dimmed, he looked to his closet doors while his cheeks tinged pink. “I promise you, whatever she said to you, is nowhere near as bad as my talk.”

“She mentioned that, was it all about the ins and outs of pleasuring a woman?”

Peter’s avoiding eye contact, you came here to tell him he should keep his space but watching him shrink under your questions made you feel powerful. Each blush he gives makes you want to dig in further.

He more or less shrugs, it’s a damn bold line, you don’t even know what you're saying until it comes out in full.

“Tell me, Parker, could you please me?”

Seconds tick, you can hear it on his clock, finally he looks at your face. Any trace of a blush fallen, it makes you feel choked.

“I’m not sure, but I’d love to find out.”

Panic. He’s not supposed to say that, he’s supposed to back down. You’re supposed to back him down.

Peter can’t go down this road and it’s your job to block his path, but you can’t stop yourself from moving out of his way.

“I mean, since you already know about the nipple piercings…” you trail your words, expecting a sneer. Instead he laughs, a full on body laugh, it makes you smile, just the pure happiness radiating from him.

For once a rumor is just something you can laugh about.

“Psh, of course I knew about them. I mean, isn’t that the third time you’ve had them?”

It was. You didn’t realize it but that was the third time the rumor was reused. You didn’t notice but he did, did he notice all the other ones too? All the ones that stated how bad you were? Did it even matter if he believed them, you didn’t think so, at least not at this point, you just didn’t want him to suffer the same fate.

Peter pats the top of his bed, “take a seat,” your stomach lurches, the thought of being in his bed enough to ignite you in flames. His aunt said keep it in his room and he’s luring you right in, your palms feel like they’re sweating. If he heard all the rumors about you sleeping around and thought you were like that, he was about to be disappointed.

Holding your eyes shut and squeezing fists you rush the words out, the quicker said the quicker this would be over.

“I’m a virgin!”

Instead, he looked utterly confused, looking around his room like he was trying to figure out where the explosion came from. Settling on a low release of words, his eyebrows furrowed in, “so am I?”

Just to be clear, “I’m not looking to change that tonight, so if that’s why you wanted-”

“No!” Peter almost slips on the floor he stands so quick, “that’s not at all why I wanted, I just thought…” He doesn’t know how to say it, he almost said he thought you needed a friend, but that could be offensive, or worse, he’d be friendzoning himself for you.

“Thought what, I’d be an easy piece? Cause I know you’ve hea-”

“I asked Mrs. Sturgis if I could tutor you!”

You stop talking, his words looping in your brain. That doesn’t make sense, because if he did ask then that means he wanted to tutor you, that means there was a deeper meaning, that means when his aunt said he talked about you it went further than what was said at school.

“Please,” he pleaded your name, “come sit? Just for a second.”

You follow his command and sit on the edge of his bed, watching Peter pace as he combs his hands through his hair. He’s nervous.

“I don’t know how to talk to you, my brain is just… you make me really nervous.”

“Why did you ask to tutor me?”

Peter stops moving to look at you, it was easier to answer when you asked.

“So I could talk to you.”

It’s a start, “why?”

“I just wanted you to trust me. I hear what everyone says, and I don’t believe a word of it, but I didn’t want you to think I was asking for the wrong reasons, or making a joke out of you.”

Your face scrunches, “you thought, I’d think, that you asking to tutor me, directly, would be a joke?”

Peter shakes his head, sitting back in his chair and taking a second to answer you.

“No, I think if I asked you out on a date you’d think it was a joke.”

You laugh, “well, yeah… It’s not like you…”

Except he does, and you can see it all over his face. He really, really does. With the new knowledge you don’t know how to act, suddenly aware Peter Parker sees you in a different light. He doesn’t see you as his student, he sees you as a potential mate.

You only know fight or flight, and your flight option was crawling further up his bed, backing away until your back hit the wall, a dull thump produced. You give a barely audible, “ow,” your brain racing with thoughts, trying to catch up with his admittance.

“You okay?”

You’re thankful he can’t see you, the top bunk perfectly cutting your head from his viewpoint.

“Peachy,” you can barely speak.

“Cool, cause it seemed like you kinda freaked when I implied I wanted to ask you out.”

You nibble on your thumbnail, “implied or asking?”

“I’d rather ask when I can see you.”

How is he so calm, he was the one that was just pacing the floor talking about how nervous he was. Now he’s a smooth talker.

“Is that why you asked to tutor me? So you could ask me out?”

“Maybe, but you also need a tutor.”

Rude. Fair, but rude.

“So, you like me?”

You wish you could see the smile he has, you know he has one, you can hear it in his laugh.

“What would give you that impression?”

You shrug, but he can’t see. “I don’t know, you’re not nervous anymore.”

“I don’t have to be, the girl I like likes me too.”

You gasp, you’ve said no such thing! There was absolutely nothing to base his accusation off of. You mock his words.

“What would give you that impression?”

Another laugh, you wish you could see that laugh. But once you emerge it’s over, it means he’s signed his life away to be with you. An act of selflessness you didn’t know was possible.

“Look at yourself, you’re hiding cause you’re petrified to be asked out.”

“No, I’m not. I’m protecting you, cause if you don’t ask, you won’t be ridiculed.”

You imagine he looks offended, because he sounds it.

“Do you think I give a shit what anyone thinks?”

“It’s isolating, Peter. I’d feel like I’d bring you down, and you don’t deserve that.” You take a breath, “you’re very kind, and I really like that.”

“You’re kind too, and smart, and really, very, pretty. And I think once you have a boyfriend and a friend group, things won’t be so bad and everyone will forget why they teased you.”

You hum, playing with your nails and chewing at your bottom lip, silence took over. It was a rush of a lot of emotions, you’re shocked and excited. You’re also panicked and jittery. It was everything you feared and wished for at once.

Peter Parker is asking to be in your life, no matter the cost.

That’s the bravest thing you’ve ever witnessed.

Clearing your throat, “who would be my boyfriend?”

Peter pretended to think about it, “you could have whoever you want.”

“Anything you want, it’s yours.” An immediate flashback to the first day he sat with you, you mumbled out the words and scooted, just an inch, from the wall.

“What was that?”

You announce it, moving forward another inch, “anything you want, it’s yours. You said that at lunch the first day you sat with me, do you still mean it?”

There’s just something you’ve been dying to do, something you’ve been wanting to do. And he said whatever you wanted.

“Whatever you want, I mean it.” He sounds sincere too, you move forward a few inches.

“Have you kissed anyone before?”

Peter doesn’t understand the correlation but he’ll entertain it. “Yes?”

You offer up more information, hoping he’d catch the hint. “I haven’t.”

He doesn’t. “That’s no biggie, I think over half the school-”

You speak over him, “but, I want to.”

It takes Peter a second to register it, and when he does he almost collapses.

“Oh. I see. Um, want me to come in there, or you come out here?”

Your heart races, he’s so willing to do whatever with no qualms, you just asked and he’s delivering. You were about to have your first kiss with your number one crush, and he liked you too.

“Wait, you’re gonna do it?” You’ve never been so excited. Or anxious. Were these the butterflies people talk about?

“I’m sorry, did I read that wrong?”

“No, you’re just… right now?” You think you’ll puke all over him, that’s why you’re stalling.

You can see Peter drum his fingers over his pants, “do you wanna hold off for a second? I’ll do it whenever you want.”

Your heart clenches, “Peter,” you groan out his name, “stop being so nice, it hurts.” Waiting a moment before continuing, “I’m gonna suck, and you won’t like me anymore.”

God, you wish you could see the cocky grin smear, you can hear it, but you want to face him more than anything. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose. He knows you can’t stay hidden forever.

“Wanna bet?”

Why not? If you really think about the last year and change of high school, what else would you really have to lose?

Plus, he was really cute.

Overwhelmed with the knowledge of knowing you were about to have your first kiss, you slowly shimmied to the edge of the bed, right where you were before you hightailed it backwards.

Peter looks even better than you’ve pictured, his hair fluffy from where he ran his hands through it. A greeting smile rested on him, and his bright brown eyes warmed. “Well, hello there, I was afraid you got lost.”

Sucking the life force from your bravery, “I was told there would be kisses out here.”

A surprised look crossed Peter before he fell back into neutral, pushing off his desk to glide over in front of you, his knees knocking yours, suddenly you feel panicky again. “There absolutely can be.”

Peter catches your nerves and figures it’d be easier to actually get it over with, because the second he would pull away all panic would hit near bottom ground. Using what little skill he has, he rests his right hand on your thigh while his left cups your face.

You suck in a breath, following his guide when he brings your face up to his. Peter swipes his thumb across your cheekbone and you feel everything in you be set ablaze with desire.

You wonder if he can feel how warm your cheek is under his touch, if he does, he doesn’t comment. When you give him no disagreement he leans in, he can hear your breath hitch, it brings him a little pleasure to be the ‘cool’ one in the situation.

When he’s closer than you would’ve ever imagined he gives you a grin, “hi.” It was a hushed whisper, you give him one back, “hi.” Your eyes flash from his gaze to his mouth, you were caught, it makes you look down at your hands.

Your mind spirals, why hasn’t he kissed you yet, and also, what do you do with your hands? Giving it a shot you press them against Peter’s chest, but it feels like you’re pushing him off, so you move to his shoulders but it doesn’t feel quite right.

“Want some help?” Peter caught on to your struggle, of course he did, he just notices the little things with you. He doesn’t even pull away, just bringing his hand that was on your thigh to bring your left hand around his neck. Your right hand outstretched to rest on his ribcage, when you look back he seems much closer, this time he’s looking at your mouth.

“Do-”

Peter cuts you off, a hushed whisper, “I’m gonna kiss you now,” you breathe in sharply, “oh, okay.” Peter can’t fight the smile, “is it?”

You don’t get a chance to answer, his mouth is on yours, and it’s heaven. You feel like you’re floating, his lips velvety smooth, the only way you know how to show your shock and appreciation is by gripping his shirt. Peter’s bottom lip favored your top lip, moving into his kisses awkwardly. He was much more experienced, but he didn’t make you feel overwhelmed, it felt like he was guiding you.

You didn’t feel like you were doing much, but it felt like everything you imagined. It made you dream of a day where you could do this with him whenever you wanted. It felt like he was pulling away, you refused to part and followed him, holding tight to his flannel. It failed when he was able to push you away with ease.

Peter sounded slightly winded, you were blinking with stars in your eyes, your heartbeat in your throat, and just a little shy to look at him. “Funny thing about kissing, you gotta breathe to keep doing it.”

You're new to it, gulps of fresh air weren’t as refreshing as him. You wanted to kiss him again, but you didn’t want to put him out, and you still weren’t sure how to initiate or ask for it.

Peter tapped on your knee, “wanna take me out for another test drive or are you happy with your purchase?”

He wanted to do it again.

That’s a good thing.

“If I buy it, does that mean the test drives stop?”

“Of course not. That just means you don’t need to ask to drive it.”

You lean in this time, “but I have to ask now?”

Peter speaks against your lips, “it would be the customary thing to do.”

“Well then,” you speak softly and look at him, “would you kiss me again?”

Your eyes close when he brushes against your mouth, a kiss is pressed to the corner of your cheek, “depends, are you planning on purchasing?”

Boldly, you give him a chaste kiss, “everyone at school is gonna hate my new car.”

Peter kisses your cheek, “best in show, baby. Best in show.”

You take a deep breath, it wasn’t a bad thing to need someone. And it wouldn’t be bad to let yourself have them.

Peter Parker heard everything everyone said but he wasn’t even listening, it felt dizzying, for the first time someone saw the real you, the good you and wanted you. He wanted nothing and everything at the same time. You liked him, maybe a bit too much, and the risk of losing him was enough to send you flying. But the chance of love, and hope and trust was even bigger.

Someone wasn’t scared to have a big reputation with you. Peter Parker was proud to have the same big enemies as you.

And for that reason,

“Sold.”

#peter parker blurb #peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm! peter parker x reader #tasm peter x reader #peter parker fluff #tasm!peter fluff #my writing

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jungshookz · 1 year ago

Text

smitten: y/n (reluctantly) agrees to go to jimin's big halloween bash and she forgot how much she actually hated parties

➺ pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre; smitten!miniseries!! bff!kook and smitten!y/n!! university!au!! honk honk humour!! the boohoo angsty wattpady fic of your dreams!! the pining and yearning is off the charts!! jimin’s still an asshole but what’s new!!

➺ wordcount; 9.2k

➺ summary; putting on a smile while watching ji-eun cuddle up to jungkook is already hard enough, but when y/n is (reluctantly) invited to jimin’s massive halloween party, she can’t help but even more out of place.

➺ what to expect; “you know, you’re my best friend and i wanna make sure that everything is… good between us.”

➺ currently playing on cee.fm; favourite crime [olivia rodrigo]

➺ smitten: part one [the almost confession]; part two [the incriminating note]; part three [the date]

»»————- 👻 ————-««

you’re pretty sure you’re in hell.

you’re not sure what you did in your past life to have deserved this, but past-life y/n must’ve killed a baby or set an entire village on fire or something to that degree because you’re pretty sure that in this current timeline, you’re in hell

you stay quiet as you munch on your (slightly soggy, unfortunately) sandwich, scrolling through your phone (but not really paying attention to your instagram feed because apparently you’re a glutton for punishment and you keep wanting to look up and just stare at jungkook and ji-eun in all their coupley glory) while your foot taps anxiously against the ground

you know that if you say you can sit somewhere else to give the two of them some privacy that jungkook will insist that you stay, but you feel like the longer you sit here the faster the people around you will see that you’re just a big ol’ monster truck sized third wheel

you could lie and say that you have to go to the library to get some work done, but jungkook’s really good at knowing when you’re lying to him (apparently you have VERY obvious tells which you were very unaware of) so that’s not going to be a feasible plan either

it’s just that being here is incredibly uncomfortable but it seems like the only option you have is to stay and sit through it — which, again, reiterates your point of you being pretty sure you’re being punished for something you did in your past life

“my handsome boy…” ji-eun giggles lightly, reaching over to adjust the collar of jungkook’s jacket before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, “i like this jacket a lot.”

“yeah?” he gives his girlfriend a boyish grin, looking down at his jacket before looking back up at her, “lucky for you, you can borrow it anytime you’d like-“ you glance up at them, the little voice in your brain stopping you from interrupting them to say that that is a nice jacket because you chose it for jungkook — and you feel like that comment could potentially lump you into the pick-me-girl-best-friend category which you’d very much like to avoid

“borrow? no, i’m stealing it-“

“no way! i got this thrifted for, like, fifteen bucks, i’m not letting you steal it-“

“alright, then you better sleep with one eye open the next time i stay over at yours because this is a nice jacket-“

you can’t help but look over at the empty seat next to you on the bench as you let out a quiet sigh… you have never felt so horribly single in your entire life.

and it doesn’t help that it’s cuffing szn this cuffing szn that all over your social media — your tiktok feed has not been very friendly to you as of late, the app flooded with countless videos of cute couples bundling up for the colder seasons

if anything you need to be cuffed to the wall before you go crazy and rip your eyelashes out from frustration

unsurprisingly, jungkook and ji-eun are a couple now, but really, are you surprised? jungkook is great, ji-eun is great, they went on a great first date (thanks to you, let’s be honest) and all the dates after that went well too because it lead to jungkook asking ji-eun if she wanted to be exclusive with him

you knew that things were going well when jungkook started hanging out with you less and less

and then when they officially got together, you didn’t think it could possibly get any worse but your already puny twice a week hangouts turned into two hours a week before he’d zip off to spend time with ji-eun

in fact, within the last two weeks, he’s only hung out with you once… which is fine, because you understand the honeymoon stage and you understand how giddy people can be when they get into a brand new relationship and just want to spend all their time with this new person

you know for sure that if you were the one who’d gotten into a new relationship, you’d definitely want to spend as much time with your person because why wouldn’t you want to do that? you really can’t blame the guy

you have other friends you can hang out with, but it’s just not as fun because even when you’re having a good time with them, your mind keeps wandering back to what jungkook is doing with ji-eun

and of course, when jungkook mentioned to you over a quick lunch one afternoon that he was planning on asking ji-eun to make things official, it’s not like you could tell him that it was a horrible idea and that he shouldn’t be dating ji-eun without ruffling feathers and raising brows of suspicion

the only person it would be a horrible idea for would be you, and you’re not enough of a dickhead to ruin a potentially good thing because of your own desires

and obviously, she said yes because why wouldn’t she say yes?

…

you know, there really isn’t a way for you to talk about this situation without sounding like the most bitter person on the planet, so perhaps you should move on now

“okay, i’m putting you two on drinks duty for the party!” jimin seems to appear out of thin air and you turn your head to look at him standing at the front of the table with an armful of flyers and the usual bossy, snarky persona that literally drains you every time you have an interaction with him, “unless you’re too busy making out to handle that.”

“no, we can handle it-“ ji-eun rolls her eyes playfully, pulling away from jungkook before reaching over and plucking the list from jimin’s slim fingers, “jesus, jimin. twelve bottles of vodka??”

“i’ll give you my credit card, just put all the charges on it-“ jimin shrugs, sliding in next to you before nudging you over a little, “this is going to be my greatest party yet. i’m charging $10 an admission and i’m renting out this huge house- i don’t think you can even comprehend how massive this party is going to be. it’s gonna be so much better than last year’s one.”

“i remember hearing about your party last year!” you chime in, offering jimin a polite smile even though he’s not looking at you, “it sounded like it was super fun.”

“so, you guys are on drinks, so that’s covered-“ jimin makes a tick on his clipboard before nodding to himself, “decor is covered, catering is covered, rent for the night is covered…”

you poke your tongue against the inside of your cheek, slumping in your seat a little and resisting the urge to roll your eyes

you still have no clue what jimin’s problem is with you, but at this point you’ve gotten used to the way he acts like you literally do not exist at all

you mentioned it to jungkook one time, wondering if maybe you were just looking too far into it and that there was nothing to take personally to which he responded with an enthusiastic nod and a “no, i also get the vibe that he doesn’t like you and i have no idea why… just let him be an ass if he wants to be one, don’t stoop to his level. life is too short to waste energy on weird people.”

so if jimin wants to continue being an ass to you, you’re just gonna let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back

“funny enough, y/n and i were gonna go to your party last year, but the kids in y/n’s building were trick or treating so we decided to stay home and watch horror movies and hand out candy instead-“ jungkook clears his throat, eyes flickering over to you for a brief second, “we also, like, decorated the doorway like it was a haunted apartment to freak the kids out. and y/n had this great idea to have a cauldron filled with warm spaghetti and she told the kids it was brain stew-“

“oh my god, i forgot about that-“ you snort, “i feel like we should’ve done, like, warm pudding instead or something, but the spaghetti kinda had the same effect and my kitchen smelled like an italian restaurant for two weeks after that-“

“let’s talk costumes!” jimin interrupts you, smacking his palm down on the table before pointing his pen at ji-eun and jungkook, “please don’t show up in anything tacky.”

“we were thinking barbie and ken!” ji-eun grins, “not tacky, totally trendy — i know we probably won’t be the only barbie and kens in the room, but it’s just so trendy and i loved her pink sequinned cowboy outfit- or if that’s not available, i think the 80s skater costumes were a vibe-“

“i can’t whait to talk about horshes and capitahlism wiv a bunch of ovher kensj.” jungkook laughs lightly with a mouthful of sandwich, dabbing his mouth with his napkin before crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it at you

you scowl playfully when it bounces off your forehead and lands on the ground

“you could go as allen, y/n. that’d be pretty funny.” jungkook swallows his bite, and you want to tell him that he doesn’t have to include you in every part of the conversation because you can practically see the pity for you radiating off of him in waves

you know for a fact he feels bad that he’s not been able to hang out with you as much lately because every time you do hang out he always brings you a drink or a snack with sympathetic little puppy dog eyes

and every time you have lunch with him and ji-eun he’s always making an effort to include you in the conversation — especially when jimin is around because again, it’s pretty clear the guy doesn’t like you

you and jungkook spent an entire afternoon trying to figure out why he didn’t like you so much, but you couldn’t come up with any conclusive results, so now whenever jimin is around, jungkook makes even more effort to include you in the conversation

“allen was my favourite character, so that’s not even a bad idea.” you chirp, pulling out one of the flyers from jimin’s neat pile before looking at it for the details

“oh, right. yeah, you can come too, i guess.” jimin clears his throat quietly, taking the flyer back from you with a chuckle, “…you don’t seem like you’d have anything crazy going on on a friday night.”

“i can come too? i thought that everyone was invited to this thing?” you raise an eyebrow, pointing to the little note on the flyer, “all it says is general admission.”

“…right.” jimin smiles sweetly at you, “and i suppose i’ll waive the fee for you since you’re… friends with jungkook.”

“how sweet of you.” you respond curtly, offering a smile just as sweet before letting it drop as soon as he looks away

you are absolutely dreading having to go to this party.

»»————- 👻 ————-««

“are you sure you don’t want us to come and pick you up? ji-eun has space in her car, you’d just have to sit in the back with all the drinks n stuff-“

“i’m good, jungkook, really-“ you mutter, pausing for a second to smudge out your lipstick before leaning back in your chair and turning side to side to look at your finished look

not that this is jungkook’s fault, but the fact that the two of you really haven’t been hanging out as often gave you a lot of time to think about what you wanted to dress up as for jimin’s halloween costume, and after a solo spooky movie binge the other weekend, you decided that you wanted to dress up as emily from the corpse bride

sure, it’s been done so many times — but you love the movie and you love emily and you had so much time to get everything you needed for this costume so why not dress up as her??

you reach up to adjust your blue wig, tugging at it slightly to make sure it’s nice and secure

“i’m just gonna uber there! plus, my place is kind of out of the way if you guys are already headed to jimin’s.” you clear your throat, “thank you for the offer though. make sure to let ji-eun know i really appreciate the gesture.”

“okay, i will…” jungkook murmurs, and you can tell by the tone in his voice that he wants to say something but he’s holding himself back, “i guess i’ll see you at the party, then? we’ll probably be there in about forty minutes.”

“yes, i’ll see you guys at the party.” you nod, wiping the leftover blue lipstick on your fingers on a tissue before reaching over to get ready to press the hangup button

“y/n?” jungkook’s voice crackling out from your phone speaker makes you pause, and you pull your hand back

“yea?”

“we’re- we’re good, right?” the question is somewhat of a surprise to you due to its weirdly serious, non-jungkook nature, your eyes flickering down to look at the contact photo you have set for your friend

he grins like a maniac at the camera, eyes wide and lit up with excitement at the cheesy corn dog he’s holding in front of him

the corner of your mouth twitches in a fond smile at the memory of that day — jungkook was convinced he’d be able to eat three corn dogs in one sitting and the day ended with him basically destroying your toilet and then refusing to let you use it until the smell cleared out

“what do you mean?” you clear your throat quietly, lips parting to say something else before you press them together and decide against it

“i mean- i know we haven’t been hanging out a lot lately so i just-“ jungkook coughs, “you know, you’re my best friend and i wanna make sure that everything is… good between us.”

“i-“ you pause again, gaze averting to the side as you think about his comment

if you’re being completely honest, you don’t think everything is good between the two of you — the first reason why being the fact that you are still completely and utterly head over heels in love with him, and the second reason being that he’s in a relationship with someone else and you’re really not sure how much more of this you can take before you go insane

but this isn’t exactly something you can hash out over a crackly phone call, and you’re really not in the mood to potentially destroy two relationships at once

you really don’t know what you’re going to do about this emotional mess, but what you do know is that you’re going to have to take it day by day until you’re eventually ready to face it head on — and tonight, your only job is to smile, enjoy being young, and have lots of fun at what you’re sure is going to be an amazing party despite it being hosted by someone who hates your guts for no reason

“we’re- we’re good, kook.” you manage to push out, despite the words practically fighting their way out of your mouth, “you’re my best friend, too.”

“okay. so i’ll see you soon?”

“yea.” you look at yourself in the vanity mirror, wondering if the sadness in your eyes will make your costume that much more believable, “i’ll see you soon.”

»»————- 👻 ————-««

the six pack of lime seltzer water (you got the fancy kinds in glass bottles) clinks in their cardboard carrier as you walk on the sidewalk, blue heels clicking against the pavement as you follow the path leading up towards the house that-

“holy shit.” your jaw drops at the sheer size of this literal mansion — what looks to be an endless number of burgundy bricks separated by neat, thin layers of cement that are stacked on top of each other, two large, white columns that cast identical shadows on the curved sidewalk leading up to the large, black front door, and not to mention, the insane halloween decorations: huge spider webs stretched over the door and windows, fairy lights wrapped around the columns, a stack of pumpkins sitting by the front steps kardashian-style

you don’t like jimin but you have to hand it to him, he sure can throw a party

“s’cuse us, sorry!” a trio of girls dressed up as sluttier versions of the powerpuff girls brush past you, bubbles turning around to shoot you a grin, “love your costume, by the way!”

“oh, thank you!” your face immediately breaks into a wide grin, “you guys look great, too-“

the random compliment lifts your mood up slightly — you know you’re more than capable of making friends anywhere you go, so if jungkook is too busy mingling with the other couples, you know you’ll be fine

and hopefully jimin will be too busy playing host to give you any attitude tonight

you lift your dress up as you make your way up the steps, the corners of your mouth lifting in an excited smile when you see taehyung standing by the door greeting people and collecting their $10 by… having them tuck the bills into the waistband of his boxers

“magic mike?” you laugh, taehyung’s right eye dropping in a wink before thrusts his hips towards you

“you know it, baby-“ he coos, reaching over to pinch the fabric of your dress to pull you towards him, your cheeks flushing when you stumble into his chest, “be nice to me and i’ll give you a lil lap dance in one of the private rooms-“

“taehyung, i swear to god, do not let any of those bills fall into your boxers because i’m not touching anything that touched your penis-“ jimin pops up behind taehyung dressed in a veryaccurate joker costume, his usual blonde hair dyed completely green for the look

“hi, welcome to the party, $10 an admiss-“ the sweet smile immediately drops from his face when he realises it’s you, jimin leaning back slightly, “wow, corpse bride!” jimin nods, looking you up and down, “seems fitting.” he mutters under his breath, watching as taehyung tapes the neon orange bracelet around your wrist

“nice to see you too, jimin.” you raise an eyebrow, lifting the six pack up with your other hand, “i didn’t want to come empty-handed, so i brought some drinks!”

“you brought six drinks for a house party? six sparkly waters, too… interesting.” jimin scoffs lightly, plucking the carrier from you before offering you a saccharine sweet smile, “how thoughtful of you. drinks are in the kitchen - first two shots are free, and then it’s $15 a shot after that. cocktails are $5 each, mocktails are $3- you seem like a shirley temple girl anyway- and all of it can be paid through venmo. the bartender will answer any other questions you have. bathrooms are upstairs, and the results to the costume competition will be announced at the end of the night. there are fifteen winners, and the votes are made by everyone here, so you might have a shot at winning something here.” jimin steps aside, gesturing towards the party, “have fun!”

“thank you, jimin.” you smile politely, stepping into the house and immediately rolling your eyes as soon as you turn away from him

so you weren’t able to completely avoid his dickheadedness, but hopefully that’ll be your only interaction with him tonight considering he’s probably going to be busy playing businessman all night

$15 a shot is kind of insane, though

you keep your phone pressed flush to your chest as you manoeuvre your way through the packed floor, the neon lights flashing and disco ball glimmering from above making it damn near impossible to navigate this place without bumping into backs and stepping on toes

the DJ pumps his arm up into the air as he continues spinning his fingers against the discs, the crowd going wild as the song builds up to the chorus

you can already tell that most of the people here are drunk (you can smell it, too) and you know, if you can’t beat ‘em, why not join them?

you can find jungkook later, and alcohol is definitely going to make this night a little easier to handle

“hi!” you smack your hands down on the marble countertop when you finally make your way to the bar, the vampire bartender turning to glance at you over his shoulder before tossing a cloth over his shoulder, “i want- something. shots, a drink, anything-“ your voice is already straining from the way you’re basically screaming over the music but this seems to be the proper way to communicate at a party like this

“wait, y/n?” your eyes light up when you realise that it’s none other than namjoon in charge of the drinks (and you wonder if your friendship with him will mean he gives you more drinks without charging you for it) and you let out a gasp as you lean over the counter to grasp onto his wrist

“namjoon!” you grin, “oh my god, thank god, finally someone i know at this damn party. why didn’t you tell me you were going to be here??”

“why didn’t you tell me you were gonna be here?! i haven’t seen you at the library at all, otherwise i definitely would’ve talked to you about it- what can i get for you?”

“top-shelf tequila, baby. i saw the list of brands that jimin bought - i want the most expensive one.” you raise an eyebrow, namjoon laughing to himself before nodding

“alright, i gotcha- you need any chasers with that?”

“you got cranberry juice?”

“for you, i’ve got anything-“ namjoon smirks, holding a finger up to excuse himself

it’s five seconds later that you’re presented with not one, not two, but three shots of tequila, namjoon winking at you as he slides the cranberry juice chasers over to you as well

“you better take these before jimin realises i’ve given you a freebie- i’m about to take a break here, someone else is gonna come in a sec to replace me- you wanna dance?”

“um, of course i do!” you can’t help but squeal excitedly, “take one with me!” you push a shot glass towards him, namjoon shrugging before picking up the shot and downing it in less than two seconds

you take your second shot, eyes squinting as the burn of alcohol trickles down your throat

you immediately shudder, reaching for the cranberry juice and tossing it down the hatch

“oh, jesus-“ you hiss, shuddering against before sticking your tongue out in disgust, “god, that cranberry juice does not help whatsoever-!” you don’t get much of a chance to say anything else before namjoon has his slender fingers wrapped around your wrist, giggles bubbling out of your mouth as he drags you towards the crowded dance floor to join the rest of the drunken crowd

»»————- 👻 ————-««

okay, so maybe this party didn’t turn out to be as bad as you thought it was going to be!

“that- oh my god-!” you throw your head back in laughter when namjoon pulls out the worst dance moves you’ve ever seen, your eyes pinching shut as you clutch at your stomach

you’re not sure how much time has passed (to be fair, it’s gonna be hard to tell how much time has passed when you’re at a massive house party with flashing lights and nothing but the sound of speakers booming to guide you) but you know you’ve been having a lot more fun with namjoon than you’ve had with jungkook these last few weeks) ((in fact you’re having so much fun that you almost forgot you were supposed to be heartbroken that the love of your life is with someone else, but also, that could probably be the alcohol taking over))

you know at some point you’re going to have to go over and say hi to jungkook eventually because you don’t want him to think that you’re purposely ignoring him or something — after all, it’s not his fault that he likes ji-eun and it’s not something you can pin on him and grill him for — but for now, you’re going to dance a little more, sing a little more, and-

“i gotta pee!” you gasp all of a sudden, realising that you haven’t peed once since coming here and there’s a lot of tequila sloshing around in your system

“what?” namjoon furrows his brows, reaching up to tap against his ear, “too loud, can’t hear you!”

“i gotta go pee!” you repeat yourself, pointing towards the staircase leading upstairs, “’m gonna go pee n then ‘m gonna come right back-“

“oh, pee?” namjoon nods, finally catching your words before stepping aside a little, “okay, i’ll be right here!”

»»————- 👻 ————-««

the silence of the bathroom is more than welcome as soon as you step in and flick the lights on, not at all surprised to see a pair of elegant looking wall sconces lighting up the space

you squint your eyes as you lean into the mirror, double checking that your makeup is still somewhat intact and you don’t look insane

“hm. not bad.” you mutter to yourself, turning your head from side to side before nodding, reaching down to pull the endless amounts of tulle up so you can hopefully not piss all over yourself in your tipsy state

…

you set the lid down as the toilet flushes, turning the tap on and rinsing your hands underneath the cool water

“oh, damn-“ you wince when you realise you’re washing some of the blue body paint away and you quickly turn the tap off, shaking the water off your hands before reaching for a neatly folded cotton towelette of course, because regular paper towels aren’t fancy enough for a park jimin party

you give yourself one last glance in the mirror (you could use a little more lipstick but it’s dark down there so no one’s going to be able to tell anyway) before flicking the lights off

“oops! i’m sorry-“ you apologise instinctively when you open the door and stumble right into someone, taking a few steps back before looking up to see that it’s jimin, “oh, hey…” you clear your throat quietly, standing up a little straighter before offering him a meek smile

you always feel like you’re in trouble when you’re around jimin and it’s the worst feeling in the world

like he’s the principal and you just got caught cheating on a test and he’s about to call home to tell your parents as punishment

or he’s an officer and he’s about to test you with the breathalyser and you know you’re going to fail because you definitely can’t walk in a straight line right now

“why am i not surprised that you clearly don’t know how to handle alcohol?” jimin snorts, holding his hands out in case you fall over, “you better not throw up all over me, this suit is custom made-“

“i wasn’t throwing up in the bathroom, i just went in there to pee-“ you roll your eyes, placing both hands on your hips before shaking your head, “you are ridiculous, you know that? even if i was throwing up in your stupid fancy toilets, the normal thing to do would be to ask if me i was okay and if i needed some water! you- you are just so self-centred and just-“

“yeah, uh-huh-“ jimin reaches up to pat the side of your face with a smile, “by the way, if you were looking for jungkook, he’s at the VIP booth with ji-eun and the rest of us.”

“oh, perfect!” you nod, thankful for the information, “i’ll pop over and say hi in a bit, i think it’d be good to sit down too because my heels are kind of killing me and i wouldn’t be surprised if i had, like, a million blisters right now-“

“woah, i never said you were allowed to be in the booth with us.” jimin scoffs, pressing a hand against your shoulder to keep you from moving, “silly girl.”

your lips part slightly as you look at him, and for a moment the only thing that can be heard is the faint boom and bass of the music playing from downstairs

“are you… serious?” you ask, unsure if jimin’s joking with you or not

the bored expression on his face tells you that he is indeed, super serious

all of this just feels so incredibly cliquey and immature and stupid and you know that you’re supposed to be the bigger person because jimin clearly won’t be and you like to think that you’re ten times more emotionally mature than him but he’s making it harder and harder for you to not want to shred up his nice suit with a pair of scissors and cuss him out in front of everyone

“i’m dead serious. i’m just telling you this so that you don’t embarrass yourself when your drunk ass stumbles over and tries to join us.” jimin says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the entire world, “enjoy the rest of the party, sweetheart.” he brushes past you to head into the washroom and-

“you’re a fucking dickhead, you know that?” you snap, jimin stopping in his tracks before turning his head slightly so you can just make out the side of his face, “i think i’ve been nothing but nice to you ever since i met you, and to be honest, i can’t even think of one reason why you are constantly so fucking rude and overall just unpleasant to me. i don’t say anything when you purposely cut me out of the conversation, i don’t nag when you ignore my questions and comments but respond to everyone else’s, and most importantly, i’ve never called you out for being a jackass when i think i’ve had every chance and opportunity to. if you have a problem with me, then just say so so that we can hash this stupid weird rivalry out and just get along. your best friend and my best friend are in a relationship, and i think it’s in everyone’s best interest that we at least try to get along-“

“oh, shut the fuck up, y/n.” jimin scoffs, turning around to face you, “you know, you always act like you’re better than everyone else, that’s why i don’t like you.”

you feel your shoulders stiffen at the comment before you shrug, crossing your arms over your chest, “well, i’m sorry if i’ve given you that impression but that’s not my intention, i don’t think i’m better than you, i don’t think i’m better than everyone else, and i can’t control how you feel about me but-“

“oh my god, even when you’re confronting me about being a dickhead to you you’re still being a sensible goddamn person, it’s like you’re purposely trying to piss me off-“

“okay, well, i’m not going to apologise to you for literally being myself because there’s nothing i can do about it. this is a you problem, not a me problem, so if you insist on being such an unreasonable drama queen for however long we’re going to have to spend time together, then i think the solution here is just for you to ignore me — which, you’re already doing a stellar job of, congratulations — and in return, i’ll happily ignore you.”

“i hate when people aren’t themselves. i pick up on that shit right away, and i gotta tell you, y/n, you might be the fakest person of them all.”

“what the hell are you talking about?”

“i think we both know you’re hiding something from all of us. i think you’re hiding something from yourself, too. i think you’re lying to yourself.”

there’s a pregnant pause in the conversation and for a second you want to ask him what exactly he’s implying here, but…

“alright, jimin, well-“ you turn around to head towards the stairs, “you’re fuckin’ being weird, and i’m just trying to have a good time, so i’m just gonna go back down-“

“yeah, have a wonderful rest of your evening, corpse bride-“

you resist the very strong urge to whip around and literally just strangle the man, but you remind yourself that before you had this little interaction you were actually having a very good time

“y/n!” jungkook stands at the bottom of the staircase as you make your way down, being careful not to trip over your heels, “hi!”

“jungkook! oh, there you are- i was wondering where you were-“ you loop an arm with his as you drag him through the hoards of people and towards the bar (you really need a drink and it looks like namjoon is back on the clock)

“there you are!” he laughs lightly, reaching over to tap your hand gently, “i’ve been texting you all night trying to figure out where you were but- is your phone on do not disturb or something?“

“no, it’s not! i’m sorry, i should’ve checked my phone-“ you smile sheepishly, “i’ve been dancing with namjoon this whole time but- where are you guys sitting?”

“i don’t know, some area that jimin squared off for us and a few others- ji-eun’s been asking about you, she wanted to say hi-“

“oh! oh my god, yeah, i should probably go say hi to ji-eun-“ you gesture for namjoon to get you some water and he nods, grabbing a cup and filling it up for you, :your ken costume turned out great, by the way-“ you laugh, patting jungkook’s bare chest, “it’s, uh- it’s really giving horses and the patriarchy.”

“thank you, thank you- and your costume turned out so cool too, we should watch corpse bride again when we eventually have another movie night-“

“sure! sure, for sure.” you clear your throat quietly, a moment of awkward silence settling in between the two of you

your friendship feels so… different now

like there’s this unspoken air of something in between you and jungkook like an invisible brick wall

and maybe it’s the liquid courage currently sloshing around in your body and the leftover exhilaration from finally calling jimin out on his bullshit, but now you have the urge to talk to jungkook about the weird tension

“hey, kook, listen-“ you reach up to scratch the back of your neck, “there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you but i’ve definitely been putting off for a while…”

all of a sudden, a drum roll begins to boom from the speakers, the spotlights darting around the crowd before shining towards the main stage at the front of the room, whoops and cheers bouncing off the walls as jimin waltzes his way towards the microphone, a cocky smirk on his face as he raises his hand to get people to quiet down

“oh, shit, the costume competition results!!” jungkook nudges your side as the two of you turn to face the front, “we can talk about it later, i wanna see who won what- i voted myself for best ken costume, so-“

you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding and you nod, thankful for the interruption

maybe it’s a good thing you were interrupted

telling him in the middle of a party probably wasn’t the best idea, anyway

»»————- 👻 ————-««

once again, you really have to hand in to jimin

the man truly knows how to throw a party, because it seems like just about everyone is having the time of their lives — and this costume competition just made things so much more fun

there are definitely a lot of good costumes here tonight and jimin decided to change it up with twenty-five different categories to go through so he’s kind of speed running through the names

most scary costume, most realistic costume, most well-made costume: he’s got a lot of categories to get through

you keep a content smile on your face as the costume contest continues to go on, enjoying jimin’s commentary to the point that you nearly forget that the two of you hate each other and he totally just disrespected you like he’s never disrespected you before twenty minutes ago

“i wonder how that guy made it look like his head was floating… that shit was so cool.” jungkook claps his hands along with the crowd and you nod enthusiastically

“i know, right?! i’m sure he probably took it off tiktok or something - we can definitely look it up after the party and maybe we can try to recreate-“ you stop yourself mid-sentence, suddenly remembering that you guys haven’t exactly been the closest as of late so it feels weird to be offering to do something together, “um-“ you clear your throat, offering a half-hearted shrug, “yeah, we can, like, look it up later or something. maybe you and ji-eun can figure it out and let me know.”

“yeah! or- you know, you and me-“ jungkook licks over his chapped lips, “like- you know, like- old times or whatever-“

“yeah, yeah- maybe! maybe-“

“now, before i announce this special category, i have something to read because-“ jimin sucks in a breath through his teeth before cocking his head to the side, “well, let’s just say it’s some context for the best simp costume of the night.”

you can’t help but frown at the strange category — out of all the halloween costume competitions you’ve been to, “best simp” has certainly never been one that you’ve seen before

“just wanna remind everyone that this is just a costume competition, everything is based off the costume you’re wearing.” jimin adds, taking a slip of paper out of his back pocket before unfolding it with nimble fingers, “so, uh- you know. don’t take anything seriously, you know? just gotta loosen up and have fun.”

your brows dip slightly at the weird disclaimer

…

something about this doesn’t feel right.

“dear j, this is something that i’ve wanted to tell you for a while but have never had the courage to until now. throughout our entire friendship, you’ve been so kind and loyal and honest with me, and i think that you deserve the same, so this is me being honest with you.” jimin speaks into the microphone, reading the words off the slip of paper with a tone of amusement laced in his powder-soft voice, “to be honest, i’ve liked you for nearly a year now, and i’ve tried so many times to push those feelings down but it’s clear that my feelings aren’t going anywhere anytime soon…” he recites, a smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth as he puts the piece of paper down, “any thoughts on who the winner could be? or should i keep going?”

your eyelids flutter slightly at the weird change in mood of the lines and a strange feeling of familiarity of those words

“me at that one hot english professor.” a voice pipes out from the crowd and that gets a round of laughter

you laugh along politely, but you can’t help but feel as though something is off

something is off

something is very, very off

“i cherish you as a friend and the last thing i want to do is to make things weird, so… you don’t have to worry about my feelings, you know?”

oh my god.

you feel the blood immediately drain from your face when you finally realize why these lines are so familiar — it’s because they’re from the note you wrote for jungkook when you were going to tell him you liked him.

your brain begins to work overtime to figure out how the hell jimin got his hands on that note and why the hell he’d think it’d be okay to read it aloud to this massive group of people and what the hell he’s even doing right now

“what i’m trying to say is that i like you, j. i like you so much that i don’t know where to even put my feelings, and i’m sick of holding my feelings back and pretending that i’m fine with being just your friend.”

you know that jimin’s never really been a fan of you, but even this seems like too much of a dickhead move even for him

you pluck at the cuff of your sleeve anxiously, tracing your steps all the way back to the day you were going to tell jungkook about your feelings for him and the note that you’d accidentally given him that you were hoping was rotting away somewhere in a dump yard but clearly isn’t

jungkook said he’d given ji-eun the note to spit her gum out into

but what if she uncrumpled the paper and saw the note?

and what if jimin was there when she uncrumpled the note?

and then they read it together and ji-eun mentioned that you were reciting this aloud in the bathroom and-

your heart starts to race in your chest and you feel the hairs prickle on your arms as anxiety begins to bubble in your stomach, and you know that no one’s looking at you but you feel like everyone’s looking at you

you feel sick

you feel like you’re going to throw up and explode at the same time

“how could you like someone for a year and not tell ‘em?” jungkook snorts, nudging you with his elbow, “who do you think the poor sucker is who said that?”

“beats me.” you breathe out, feeling yourself shrink slightly when you notice jimin starting to scan the audience, clearly laser-focused on finding you, “i have to- um, i think i need some fresh air, it’s a little warm in here-“

“oh- okay-“ jungkook doesn’t get the chance to say much else before you’re turning around, pushing yourself through the crowd of people and trying your best to stay calm

just breathe

in and out

in and out in and out in and out oh my god HURRY UP MOVE MOVE MOVE-

you’re sure that no one will notice if you slink out through the back

and you can always text namjoon later and say that it was great spending time with him but you had a personal emergency and needed to leave the party earlier

and if jimin decides to expose you, at least you’ll be gone and out of this house and nowhere near any of these people and you don’t have to look at their stupid sympathetic faces and you don’t have to deal with-

“and the best simp of the night goes to our lovely corpse bride.”

you freeze when the spotlight lands on you, your heart going a hundred miles a minute as it starts to beat harder and faster in your chest

you only manage to turn your head weakly to glance over your right shoulder, catching jimin in your peripheral view before you’re slowly twisting around to face him, feet glued to the ground

“why don’t you come up here and accept your sash, corpse bride?” jimin smirks, plucking the satin sash from (a shocked looking) taehyung’s arms before raising it up in the air slightly, “congratulations on winning, you get two free drinks from the bar. one for you and one for… well, probably also you. get on up here and claim your coupons!”

you feel your face burning bright red in humiliation and you’re unable to tear your eyes away from jimin, your hands clenched into tight fists at your sides

this is a nightmare

this is actually a nightmare

this is traumatising in so many ways

the music seems to quiet down, a loud silence washing over the room as people look at you with expressions of confusion on their faces, everyone clearly a little thrown off at the weird category

eyes, there are just a million pairs of eyes on you and you feel like you can’t move or breathe or even do anything but stand still in shock

it’s only then that you notice the calculating look on jungkook’s face, his eyelids fluttering slightly before his eyes widen and his head snaps up and over to look at you

his lips part slightly as his eyes dart over the features of your face and you feel your entire body flushing in humiliation and shame, forcing your eyes away from your friend and back to the dickhead on the stage

“you are really something else, park jimin.” you manage to mutter out before turning on your heel and pushing your way through the crowd, people stepping aside to let you out

“aw, where are you going? you had a great costume, that’s all we were trying to say!” jimin laughs, actually laughs into the microphone before shrugging, tossing the sash over his shoulder before moving on, “alright, well, more drinks for me, i guess. the next category is best couple’s costume-“

“y/n- y/n, wait!” jungkook’s voice is the one thing you hear among the music and bustle of the crowd but he’s the last person you want to talk to right now so you pick up your pace upon spotting the front door

tears blur your vision as you finally burst out into the open air, your chin trembling as you try your best to keep your composure and not completely burst into tears

“oh my god, oh my fucking god-“ you whimper, sucking in large breaths of air

run, run, run, the only instinct you have is to run, and you reach down to yank both heels off before taking off into a sprint, the grass slightly damp beneath your bare feet

it feels very cliché to be running out of a mansion in a big poofy dress, but you can’t even take the moment to laugh at yourself because the only thing you can focus on is the fact that everything has changed completely and you’re forced to face reality a lot sooner than you would’ve liked

“y/n, come on!” you turn to glance over your shoulder to see jungkook hot on your trail, “you can’t just run away from a discussion you don’t want to have, we need to talk because we both know that things have been off since i started dating ji-eun and now-“

“okay, well, now you know, then!” your chest heaves as you come to a stop to catch your breath (you have no idea why you thought running would be a good idea, you get winded after thirty seconds on the treadmill), spinning around to face your friend who skids to a stop, tripping over his feet a little before standing up straight, “the secret’s out, jungkook. we finally solved the puzzle. i love you. i’ve loved you for so long that i don’t even remember when i started feeling this way, but all i know is i love you. you’re the first person i think of when i wake up and you’re the last person i think about before i fall asleep. i would literally drop everything i was doing if you needed me, and you’re the only person i want to spend my free time with.” all the words that you’ve been holding in for the last who knows how long finally spill out, your mouth running uncontrollably, “i love you so much that i helped you set up your date with ji-eun, i love you so much that i’m willing to run in the rain just to get you a teddy bear and a bouquet that’s not even going to me, jungkook, i-“ you blubber, reaching up to wipe at your eyes, “i don’t know what to do. there is no one else in the world i’d rather be with than you, jungkook, and i- to be honest, maybe it’s a good thing that jimin did what he did because you do deserve to know the truth and you do deserve to know how i really feel about you. if this didn’t happen i think i’d just keep it to myself for the rest of my life, but you deserve to know this. i love you, jungkook. i love you and i don’t know if i can keep being friends with you if you’re dating someone else because it’s actually killing me on the inside-“

“i love you, y/n,” jungkook breathes out, and you feel yourself letting out a breath that you didn’t even know you were holding

relief

for the first time in a long time, you feel relieved, like a massive weight’s just been lifted off your shoulders

you feel your heart soar in your chest, and suddenly it’s like all the humiliation and shame has completely washed away, and suddenly you have the feeling to run back into the house to thank jimin for doing this because you know you wouldn’t have said anything if it weren’t for this slightly traumatising experience

“i love you, i do, but… not in that way.” his shoulders droop slightly and you feel your heart beginning to crackle like a delicate glass sculpture, each splinter creating more damage than the last, “i love you like you’re the first person i call when i get good news because i know you’ll be proud of me, or when i get bad news because i know you’ll be there to comfort me. i love you, like i envision you standing next to me at my wedding fixing my tie or calming me down when whoever i end up marrying is walking down the aisle. i love you like you’ll be fun auntie y/n who spoils my kids with shopping sprees at the mall and who allows them an extra scoop of ice cream after dinner. i love you because you make me a better person, i love you because you encourage me to be the best version of myself i can possibly be. i love you because you remind me to be smart and kind and humble and honest and i trust you to be the one to put me in my place if i ever need it but i-“

“stop.” you feel nauseated hearing all of these words coming out of his mouth, telling you that he loves you because and he loves you because but not just i love you too. “just stop, jungkook.” you know that you can’t control someone else’s feelings but you can control your own reactions, and if jungkook would’ve kept rattling on you don’t know what you would’ve said but you know you probably would’ve lashed out at him

and it’s good that you finally got your answer, right? he loves you, but not in that way — not in the way that you love him

“y/n, please-“ jungkook whispers, reaching out for you, his eyebrows scrunching together when you take a small step back, wrapping your arms around yourself, “please, i can’t lose you as a friend, you mean so much to me-“

“i need some time.” you manage to force out, the sickening feeling of humiliation and shame and embarrassment and disappointment and frustration and anger swirling around in your stomach, “i just need some time.”

“how much time?”

“you should probably go back to the party.” you clear your throat quietly, offering your friend a weak smile, “i heard you and ji-eun were up for best couple’s costume. not saying that jimin rigged the system or anything, but-“

“y/n, how much time?” jungkook’s looking at you with sad puppy-dog eyes, and though it breaks your heart to see him like that, you need to put yourself first for once

every instinct inside of you screams to console jungkook, to reassure him and let him now that you’ll still be around but you just need some space from him and the whole situation

your eyes begin to water again as you press your lips together, shaking your head quietly, “i’m gonna go see if i can catch the bus home.”

»»————- 👻 ————-««

(- “the FUCK is wrong with you, huh?!” jungkook barks, slamming jimin up against the wall before grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt, “you sadistic fuck, who in their right mind would ever fucking do that to another human being?!”

“i’m the sadistic one?” jimin laughs, reaching up to wrap his fingers around jungkook’s wrists, “are you fucking serious? you’re the one whose been dangling yourself in front of y/n like a damn carrot to a starved rabbit-“

“what are you talking about?”

“you can’t stand here and honestly say that you didn’t have an inkling that y/n liked you more than a friend. i’ve seen the way you talk to her, i’ve seen the way you look at her, i’ve seen the way you are around her- you think i’m the evil one? at least i don’t take advantage of my friends who are CLEARLY head over heels in love with me and would obviously do anything i wanted them to do and ask them to help me set up a date that i’m taking someone else out on-“

“get a fucking life and mind your own damn business for once, you motherf-“)

🎙️ console y/n or call out jimin because what the hell was that?! (talk to my characters!)

📚 why not explore the rest of the library while you're here? (go say hi to yoongi and y/n in la vie en bonsai!)

💫 or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles and mini series!)

🌟 or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!)

701 notes · View notes

hoemainexpansion · 24 days ago

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I Sold My Soul & All I Got Was This Clingy Demon! - Summary: Seven years ago, you were on your way home from school with your best friend Utahime only to find it surrounded by police. That day, your parents' lives were taken from them and the case still remains unsolved to this day. Due to the murderer still out there, your paranoia continues to grow day by day, sometimes to the point that you can’t rest even when you should feel safe in your own home. You decide to test out a protection spell in a book gifted to you by your friend and in an attempt to summon some courage, you accidentally summon a demon who now has your soul locked in a contract. His job is to protect you and help you find out if you’re being stalked and who killed your parents, but he’s also incredibly silly and seems to be falling for you. His jealousy sometimes makes interacting with others difficult which also makes solving this case hard, but his powers also allow him to see and feel things that others can’t, including law enforcement. So, maybe his attachment to you isn’t the worst thing? ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

CHAPTER ONE: Please Don't Kill Me Mr. Demon, I Wanna Be in the Sequel!

⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

The seven year anniversary just passed and while people say that things get better with time, you feel nothing but a growing sense of dread.

You remember it like it was yesterday, and that’s part of the problem.

You were fifteen years old and all you could think about was the typical teenager shenanigans that seem so trivial to you now.

You had just been let out of school for the weekend and were walking home with your best friend Utahime like you always did. The two of you lived pretty close to each other, literally just a block away but still on the same street. So when she saw you walking to class one day, she introduced herself and the two of you have been best friends ever since.

Normally your boyfriend Choso would also walk you two home and then go his separate ways once he made sure you arrived safely, but he ditched all his classes that day which left you and Utahime to fend for yourselves.

As you were walking home on the day, literally the worst day of your life, you and Utahime had been giggling and planning for all the exciting teenage events coming up. Choso asked you to prom even though it wasn’t his thing because he knew how badly you wanted to go. And both you and Utahime’s sixteenth birthdays were coming up around the same time, hers being February eighteenth and yours being the twenty-third, and you were planning to do something together for the occasion.

True crime docuseries always have people who say stuff like, “it was a normal day… until it wasn’t.” And you always thought, ‘duh!’

But they're not wrong.

It was just a normal day… then it wasn’t.

And it still feels like nothing is ‘normal.’

About a block before the one that your house was located on, you saw a large police presence in every way. There were about a dozen cop cars, there was police tape blocking off all entrance to the street in all directions. You could see an ambulance, a fire truck, and a few guys in jumpsuits and wearing goggles. The street was packed, and that didn’t even include all the pedestrians standing around and watching.

You know that when something big like this happens, police aren’t supposed to let anyone enter or let anyone leave. But you’re hoping that they’ll take pity on you as a minor and allow you to go home to your parents. Utahime continues to wait with you as you look for an officer to beg.

When you first try to walk through, as expected, you’re stopped.

“Please! My house is right there!” You start to point to your family home and once he sees where you’re pointing, you see his face shifts. He agrees to let up past the caution tape, but he still won’t let you go home. Instead, he walks you to a police car and has you wait in the backseat.

You look back to see Utahime still watching you. She probably wanted to make sure that you at least made it inside with everything going on, but now she looks scared and it starts to make you feel the same. You’ve been at school all day, why the hell would you be put inside a fucking police car?

You do your best to look around and see exactly what house seems to be causing all the commotion, but you can’t. Between all the cars, the trucks, and people walking around, it obstructs your line of vision.

After a few minutes of freaking out in the backseat, a man starts to make his way over to the police car, over to you. If you weren’t panicking so much, you’d say he was beautiful. Hell, he’s still beautiful. He’s wearing an all black suit with a deep purple tie and shiny black shoes. You can tell that he has long hair based off of the fact that it’s tied up in a bun and he’s removing his latex gloves as he reaches the car.

He opens the door and introduces himself, “hello there. My name is Suguru Geto and I’m a detective. May I ask what your name is?”

You tell him your name and he shakes your hand after removing the gloves completely. He seems nice and has a kind face, but you know that he didn’t come over here to be friends. You wouldn’t be sitting on the back of a police car and speaking to a detective unless they thought you did something and you’re just wondering what.

So you decide to ask, “am I in trouble?”

He furrows his brows at your question. “Why do you think that?”

“Well, I am in the back of a police car. What happened? Why can’t I go home?”

“Which house is yours?” You give him your exact address and things just continue to get more vague. “I would like for you to come down to the station and have a talk with me. Can you do that?”

You just get more confused but you don’t want to argue with a cop, so you just agree. After doing so, he reaches out his hand to help you from the car and lets the previous cop you spoke to know that he’s taking you to the station.

“Can my parents come with me?”

“We’ll discuss all that at the station, okay?”

He seems so polite and you don’t want to cause a fuss, so you agree. He leads you to an all black charger and opens the passenger side door and gestures for you to get inside. Unfortunately, due to where he’s parked, moving around this area doesn’t give you any clues as to what’s going on.

You hate this.

What the fuck is happening?

The police watching the entrance to the street remove the caution tape to allow him to pass through and you see Utahime standing there, just staring at you. All you can do is shrug and that catches Geto’s attention.

“Is something the matter?”

“Oh… no. My friend and I walk home together and she’s been standing there the whole time. I just feel bad that I don’t know what to tell her.”

“Does she live on that street?”

“Yes, but she’s a block up.”

“That area isn’t blocked so she should be good to go home.”

He doesn’t say anything else and the less answers that you get, the more paranoid you become. You pull out your phone and decide to text Utahime. Maybe verbalising some of these fears will help you calm down. But when you pull out your phone, you see that she already texted you. How the hell didn’t you feel that?

Utahime: What the hell is going on?

Utahime: Where are you going?

You: This detective is taking me to the police station to talk.

Utahime: Fucking talk about what???

You: I don’t know.

Utahime: What about your parents?

You: He said we’ll discuss them when we get there.

You: I wonder if they think that they did something.

Utahime: Not your parents. They’re good people.

That makes you smile considering everything that's going on. You send her one last text letting her know that you’ll tell her what’s going on once you finally find out and then you put your phone away.

“Everything okay?” You hear Geto ask you.

“My friend is worried, I just wanted to let her know where I’m going.”

He hums and then it’s silent for the rest of the car ride. As he continues to drive, you just look out the window and watch the scenery pass you by as your mind continues to race with nothing but negative thoughts.

At first you were wondering if this had anything to do with you or if it was a mix up, based on this chain of events, that answers that question. Were your parents arrested and they’re executing a search warrant and that’s why you can’t see your parents until you get to the station? Did something happened to them? Certainly not… right? They would have already told you… you hope.

Fuck.

This is stressful.

“We’re here,” Geto’s voice rips you out of your thoughts and your anxiety continues to skyrocket. He walks over to the other side of the car to open the door for you and then you follow closely behind him. You’ve never been to a police station before and that fact alone is doing a number on you and making you feel scared.

When you get inside, those feelings get worse. This is the coldest building you’ve ever been inside. Everything is grey, it seems every door needs access to get through, and just has a clinical and unfeeling vibe.

You can’t wait to go home.

Eventually you come to a room that feels a little more personal and that makes you feel a little better.

This room has a bit more color than the rest with shades of blue creating a more calming feeling which you assume was the point. In the center but close to the window, you see what looks like a mahogany desk. You’re not a carpenter, but your dad loves mahogany furniture and this looks similar to his desk at home. There’s a big black chair on the side closest to the window with a smaller but similar looking one on the side closer to you.

“Have a seat, let’s talk.”

Here we go.

You take a seat and Detective Geto walks around his desk and takes a seat on the other side. While he’s doing whatever he’s doing on his phone, you look at the photos he has displayed.

“My wife and daughters,” he says once he catches you looking.

“Sorry,” you sit back in your seat and just play with your hands.

“No apologies necessary. I do have them on display.” Good point.

He pulls out a book and a pen and then his attitude shifts. But not in a mean way, but to a more serious one. You have a feeling that everything is a lot more serious than you thought.

“Once again, may I have your full name?” You give him your name and spell it just to be sure that it’s correct. “Your address?” You tell him and look for any tells on his face that may help reveal to you what’s going on, but apparently he’d be a master at poker. “Parent’s names?”

“My mom’s name is Setsuna and my dad’s name is Ryosuke.”

“What do they do for work?”

“They own a restaurant, but only my dad works there. My mom does sometimes, but she likes being a stay at home mom more.”

He continues to write but doesn’t ask you to elaborate on your answers. “Any siblings?”

“No. Just me.” He hums and you can’t take it anymore. “Will you please tell me what’s going on? When can I see my parents? What’s happening?”

He puts his notebook and pen down on his desk and wheels his chair around the desk to take a seat next to you. He grabs your hands and then destroys your fucking world with his next words.

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you like this. But something happened to your parents, and they didn’t make it.”

“What?” You feel like you didn’t hear him right because surely that wouldn’t be the case. Right? It’s just a normal friday, nothing felt out of the ordinary. If something like that happened, you’d feel it right?

“Your parents are gone. I’m so sorry,” he says it in such a sincere tone that you can only believe he truly feels bad, but does he really mean your parents?

“What happened?”

“It appears that someone broke in and that they didn’t make it.” You’re getting real tired of these vague ass answers. He must sense that’s how you felt because he speaks again before you can ask him to elaborate, “I don’t want to hurt you with the details. But I’ve seen everything myself and I wouldn’t lie to you.”

You can’t believe what the fuck is going on and you have to call your mom to talk about it. You pull your phone out of your pocket and try to call her, but there’s no answer. Detective Geto just watches you, not in a condescending way, it’s almost like he knew you were going to do this and he’s letting you go through the motions.

You call twice and there’s no answer so you call your dad next, but nothing. It’s then that it hits you. He wasn’t making this up, he didn’t mistake your family for anyone else. This is real and it’s the worst fucking day of your life. All that you can do at that point is cry, so you do.

Detective Geto rests his hand on your shoulder and just lets you get it out. You can’t believe this, it was just a normal day. Things aren't supposed to happen on normal days.

“What happens now?” You ask him between sobs. “Can I see them? Where do I go? Can I go home? What the hell is happening?”

He leans down a bit to get closer to your level, “I can’t let you go home, it’s a crime scene. I’m sorry. And I won’t let you see them because I don’t want you to remember them that way. But I promise that I’ll do everything that I can to solve this.”

After talking and crying some more, you give him the phone number of Utahime’s mom and she agrees to take you in for the time being. It was apparently that or a foster home, but he said it still can’t be permanent until a whole legal process goes through blah blah blah.

He drops you off at your best friend’s house and that was the day that everything changed.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

It’s been seven years since the awful events of that day and they always replay in your head for the weeks leading up to it and the few weeks after. That’s how you found yourself completely lost in thought as your best friend rambles about… something.

“Helloooo,” she makes a knocking gesture with her hand, “anybody home?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m home. Sorry, just got distracted.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just the usual.”

“We can stay in if you want. We don’t have to do anything.” You love how supportive she is and you appreciate the offer. But you’ve canceled a lot of plans throughout the years and you want to take advantage of some of your youth.

“Naw, let’s go out. But don’t think I’m going to be getting on stage.” Utahime came across a club that is having a karaoke competition and you agreed to go with her. She’s really committed to it too, like she made an outfit and everything. You know that karaoke is about having fun, not being the best vocalist. But you’re still not getting on stage with the voice that fills your body, but you’ll cheer her on.

Once she hears you agree, she starts pulling out everything that she needs to get ready. You get in the shower while she starts putting her face on and start to get a little excited about tonight. When you get out of the shower, you see that Utahime has laid out which eyeshadow palettes she wants you to use tonight and you get to work on your face. It’s really cute how excited she is about singing in front of a room of drunk people.

“Ya know, Nanami is going to join us tonight.”

Kento Nanami.

Ugh.

What a beautiful man.

He’s a professor at one of the universities in the area and you actually met him when the both of you were doing your internships. How he managed to work his way up the ladder so fast will always be impressive to you, but tonight, he’s just Kento.

“What’s your point?” You ask as if you don’t already know exactly what her point is.

“I’m just saying… it’s been a while since you dated someone. You could use a little fun in that way,” she says cautiously.

In her defense, she’s not wrong. You haven’t dated anyone since literally high school. Choso was your only boyfriend and you haven’t even thought about being with anyone else. After everything happened, you stayed together for about a year before you realized that you couldn’t give him the attention he needed and broke things off with him. He was super understanding but you still felt bad about it. He may have had a punk rock look, but he was actually a total softie and you really loved being with him. Sometimes you wonder how different things would have been had that worked out. Even after the breakup, he was still there for you as a friend. But eventually, you slowly drifted apart and it’s been a few years since you’ve spoken. He and his brothers actually have a semi successful band right now that’s cleverly named “Choso and the Kamos” that you came up with years ago when you saw he was the lead singer and you think that’s cute that they kept it.

“I know, but I like having him as a friend. I don’t want to risk losing him too if this doesn’t work out. But you can date him,” you say with a smile.

“HA! I’ll keep that in mind. But I think I’d like a little bit more of a bad boy. Little less of a history expert.”

“Hey! He can make history hot!” You now feel the need to defend him.

“How? History is not hot.”

“Don’t you know the history of dildo’s and other sex toys?”

“No. What is it?”

“I don’t know. But I bet he does and that he could make it sexy!”

The two of you just stare at each other in silence before bursting out in laughter. What a silly conversation that went absolutely nowhere.

You take the rest of the time to finish getting ready while listening in silence. Utahime even plays her chosen song a few times before getting dressed and getting ready to finally make your way out the door.

“I gotta make a call before we leave,” you tell her while heading to another room for some quiet.

“He still watching you like a hawk?”

“You could say that.”

Yeah, he does watch you ‘like a hawk.’ But since the piece of shit who did that to your parents is still out there, you can’t really blame him. It is in his nature to be protective. You scroll through your contacts to look for his name before dialing his number.

One ring. Two rings. Three–

“Hello?” Comes the silky voice from the other side.

“Suguru?”

“Hi dear. How are you?”

“I’m good. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going out with Utahime to a club that’s having a karaoke contest tonight.”

You hear him chuckle on the other end. “What are you going to sing?”

“I’m not. You’ve heard me before. Are you crazy?”

“You have a beautiful voice,” and that’s the supportive dad in him.

Well, adoptive dad in your case. After everything went down with your parents, you were, to be blunt, broken. It’s not super common, but it happens sometimes where a cop will adopt a child in a case they worked on if they have nowhere else to go, and that’s what he did. As much as you love Utahime and her family and consider them you’re own, there was only so much they could do when they didn’t really know what to do. You spent everyday on the phone with Suguru trying to get information and see what was going on with your parents' case and he witnessed himself how you weren’t getting better.

He spoke with Utahime’s mom and after getting her approval, he took you in. You still got to go to your school because he didn’t want to uproot you too much at one time. But still, you think it was good for you overall. You had built in siblings and living with a cop definitely made you feel more safe. That was part of the problem at Utahime’s, the paranoia. But living with people who understand this life helped you get through that and you love them for that.

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what a dad would say.”

He just laughs on the other end. “I am a dad, you know?”

“I just wanted you to know so that you don’t worry.”

“Got it. Please send me the name of who you’re with and exactly where you’re going. Also, if you make any detours.”

“Got it. Love you!”

“Love you. Talk to you later.”

When you told people of the rules he had on his girls, people thought he was crazy until they remembered you were the daughter of what they were calling ‘the worst murder in fifty years.’

But honestly, you love the caution. You share your location with those closest to you. You always tell someone where you’re going and if you make a last minute change, you tell them. And if you think you’re going to be even a minute late, you let someone know. Some people think it’s strict, but you think it’s a good thing. It may not prevent something from actually happening to you, but at least it’s a start if something does. One of the first problems in an investigation is not knowing where to start, this helps eliminate that.

After you get off the phone, you go back to Utahime’s room to see that she’s changed into her costume. “Damn. You’re really committed to this.”

“Hey! This is a classic and it’s going to be awesome.” You hold your hands up in surrender because this level of dedication is pretty cute of her. It’s definitely one of the things that’s kept a smile on your face throughout the years. “Get dressed, he’s almost here.”

You want to be cute, but don’t want to go too over the top. You put on a tight argyle skirt in various shades of pink and white along with a silk white button up and leave most of the buttons on top undone. Then you pair it with a striped cardigan in the same shades of pink with cuffed sleeves and put on a pink tie to complete the school girl look. You don’t usually wear this much color, but this way you get to match with your friend. Plus, you bought this expensive ass set from Trashy a long time ago and you’re gonna find a reason to wear it if it kills you, and tonight is that night. You put on a pair of white thigh highs and pink pumps and the look is complete. You have a pink phone purse you got a long time ago and you’re gonna use that tonight as well. You’ve always wanted to see people’s reactions when they see you talking on the receiver so maybe that’ll happen.

You go back to Utahime’s room to see that she’s now covered in a big coat and just finished putting her shoes on.

“Woooooh! You look hot!”

You giggle and thank her. “I’ve been needing an excuse to wear this so here we go.”

“Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight,” she says while wiggling her brows.

“Maybe everyone else but me,” you say in response. You don’t think your first time is going to be with some random guy you met at a club, no offense to anyone who’s done that. You would just like it to have a little bit more meaning. You haven’t dated anyone since you’ve dated Choso and the two of you never had sex which means that you’re still a virgin at twenty one and you have no issue with it being that way until you meet the right person.

But you do have on a cute matching panties set in case the wind pulls a Seven Year Itch on you outside the venue.

“Kento’s here!”

The two of you make sure all the lights and appliances are turned off before locking up and going out. When you step outside, you see Kento standing by his car wearing a powder blue button up and black slacks. If you’re going to admit one thing, it’s that this man is beautiful in all the ways, but you’re not going to ruin a friendship just because your vagina is yelling at you to make questionable choices.

“You two look nice,” he says while opening the doors for you.

“Thank you!” You both shout in unison. You can’t wait until he sees what she has on underneath.

Utahime jumps in the back seat in an attempt to force you up front with him. You know that she means well, but nothing is going to happen with this man. He closes the doors behind you and then walks around to get back in on the driver’s side.

“He’s hot,” she whisper yells after the doors close and she’s not wrong.

“Alright, where are we going?” He asks after getting back in and starting the car. She puts the address into the gps on his phone and you start to make your way to the club.

Your friend’s excitement is definitely rubbing off on you. Not enough to get on stage with her, but enough to at least go and enjoy the night.

But if you’re being honest, something still feels a little bit off. But you don’t want to say that out loud because you know that they’ll cancel the night to go home and make sure you’re okay. You’ve had enough sad nights at home throughout the years and you’d really like those to change. But you still can’t help the feeling that you’re being watched.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

When you arrive at the club, you see that it’s actually way more crowded than you expected it to be. You see a line of people outside but due to whatever connections Utahime has, you don’t have to wait in it. But even when you get inside, it’s still pretty busy. Who knew people liked to sing in front of a room full of strangers so much? You almost sprint to an empty table when you see the entire group leave and decide to set up there for the night.

“I’ll go get us some drinks, what would you like?”

“A Shirley Temple, no alcohol,” you tell him.

“Same for me, but with alcohol. Any alcohol,” she adds.

He nods and goes to the bar. Thank goodness for him because if you had to wait, you would just let yourself dry out like Spongebob in that one episode where he was desperate for water.

As you continue to look around, you see that the two of you are getting a lot of looks.

“I think someone has a few admirers,” you say to her.

“Psshh, please. They’re looking at the girl who’s serving their schoolgirl fantasy right now.” You just laugh because you have a feeling that by the end of the night, she’ll be getting more attention. “How are you feeling?”

That catches you off guard. “I’m good… happy.”

“That wasn’t convincing.”

“I’m sorry. I am happy, just thinking about the future. Suguru has been doing research on all the listings I’ve sent him to make sure the area is as safe as can be before I pick a place. And then he wants to see it in person.”

“Maybe I should marry a cop,” she returns. “It seems like they could take a lot of weight off my shoulders. But I still wish you weren’t leaving me,” she says with the most dramatic pout.

“I’m not leaving you, I’m just getting my own place, and you’re more than welcome to come over anytime that you want.”

Living with Utahime was only meant to be temporary and if things continue at the same pace, they will be. She has a cute two-bedroom apartment that she’s been letting you stay at until you get the moving process finalized, but that takes a little while when your adoptive father has a lot of hoops to jump through first.

You love living with Suguru and your new family, but you don't want to live off of their kindness forever. Since you planned on moving to a place a little closer to work and in a more social area, you decided to stay with her while finding a place to cut back on how much you have to travel. It wasn’t easy to convince Suguru that this was a good move for you, but he agreed as long as you let him make sure everything was as safe as can be, but he still doesn’t like that you’re further away.

You love all of your chosen family, but you’re ready to take this big step. Your job pays enough for you to survive on your own and you just want to know what it feels like to be completely independent. You know that there’s always someone there for you if you need the help, but it’s time to take this leap.

“I know, but still. I just like knowing that someone is always there with you,” she says while throwing her arms around your shoulders.

You love that part too, but you don’t want people to feel responsible for you.

“I know. But I’ll take all the safety precautions and continue to keep in touch as much as I do now. Plus, I’m not moving out of the country, probably just like twenty minutes away.”

“I know, but I’ll still miss you.”

“I’ll still miss you too. But no more sad stuff, this is your big night so let’s enjoy it.”

She perks up at that and leaves a kiss print on your cheek and you decide to just leave it there. Maybe if a man wants to hit on you, he’ll see it and think that you have a girlfriend.

Kento finally returns with the drinks and you sit around and chat for a little while as you wait for the competition to start.

“So, how’s professor life?” Utahime asks him as she takes a sip of her drink.

“I have to spend the next few days grading papers on the Dancing Plague of 1518 so that’s how it’s going.”

“I’m sorry, you have to grade papers on the what?!” You’ve never heard of that and you’re certain that it’s not what it sounds like. But after he explains the events, you realize that it is exactly what it sounds like. You don’t think that you’d consider your previous history classes so boring if they focused on topics like that. You continue to listen to him explain weird things from history and now you see the appeal of the subject.

But before you can get much further into another topic, the host of the competition steps up to the stage.

“How is everyone doing tonight?” There’s a bunch of cheers and applause before he even gets all of the words out. “Tonight is the annual karaoke competition so I hope everyone is ready!” More cheers and more applause.

He starts to go on a rant about how things are going to work. Basically, whoever wants to compete has to go sign in, get a number, give them their song, and then when the competition starts, wait for their number to be called. There’s three prizes depending on if you land in first, second, or third place. He doesn’t say what the prizes are but you have a feeling they’re not really the reason that anyone is here.

“Watch my drink!” Utahime shouts before running over to sign in.

“She’s really excited about this, huh?” Kento says while sipping his soda.

“She’s been preparing for weeks. I really think that she could take first place.”

He seems surprised but not in a ‘I don’t think she can way,’ but more in a ‘damn she’s dedicated’ way. You’re excited for her.

After a few minutes, she comes back with a sticker on the left side of her coat, right above her breast.

“I’m number twenty-one!”

Looks like you have a few performers to get through before it’s her turn then. Oh well, tonight should be fun.

After all the contestants have signed in, they start prepping the music and announce that the contest will officially start in fifteen minutes. You’re tempted to make a list in your phone ranking your favorites just to add another level to this.

Also, you like making lists.

“Aright, everybody ready to get this show on the road?” The host holds his microphone to the crowd and everyone starts to cheer. You can’t believe how hyped up people are. Maybe next year you’ll compete too. “Okay, contestant number one, get up here!”

You see a guy with swooped over black hair that in the right light, almost looks like there’s tips of blue. That’s interesting. He’s in a navy blue t shirt and jeans and as soon as he steps on stage, he grabs the microphone and turns around. Damn, these people are really putting on a show. The music starts and it’s playing Standing Next to You by Jungkook and you have to admit, this guy commits. He did as much dancing as he could without affecting his breath control and it was a pretty good way to start out the night. When he’s done, he gives a dramatic bow and confidently strides off the stage.

The next person to walk up is a young woman with blue hair tied up in a ponytail. She also has on a slight schoolgirl get up and is wearing a yellow sweater vest with a pleated skirt and white knee socks. She’s cute and that’s evident by the ‘oooohhhssss’ coming from the audience when she steps up. But she completely blows your expectations out of the water when she starts rapping Super Freaky Girl by Nicki Minaj. It’s not bad, but you were expecting more Barbie Girl Barbie and not Onika Barbie but she’s cute.

The third performer is another young man but this one has purple hair and it actually looks pretty good on him. It’s definitely a colorful group in here tonight and you love how non-natural hair colors have become more accepted in society. Your parents always let you do what you want, but you do remember as a kid people saying that you’ll never get a job with hair like that so seeing this makes you happy. He also surprised you when he starts singing and his song of choice is Firework by Katy Perry. You’re starting to think that your favorite part of this night is just the surprise.

A few more performers go by and you’re blown away by the song choice everytime. They’re not necessarily the most obscure songs, they just don’t look like they’d be the ones singing them. There’s still a few people to go before it’s Utahime’s turn so you decide to run to the bathroom.

When you get to the ladies room, you’re pleased to see that there isn’t a long line like you’d usually expect in a place like this. When you step inside, you see that there’s only one person aside from yourself and that’s good because it means that you won’t take too long. You pee as fast as you can, wash your hands thoroughly, and make your way back to your table.

After you step back out and start walking back, you hear what sounds like someone calling your name. You turn around and see that nobody is there which gives you pause. You would have bet money that someone called your name, but maybe it is just your mind playing tricks on you. But you put on a smile and go back to your table to rejoin your friends because you don’t want them to sense anything. When you sit back down, they’re on performer eighteen and you start to get excited and nervous for your friend.

“Nervous?” You ask.

“Excited.”

Before you know it, the host is calling for contestant twenty-one to step up to the stage and both you and Kento pull out your phones. You know what song she’s doing because you saw her outfit and if they were cheering for everyone else, you know that they’re going to love her.

The music starts and everyone is already hyped up for her.

“I know I may be young, but I’ve got feelings too,” she says into the microphone. Everyone is cheering to the point that you may not even be able to catch her voice on video.

Good for her.

“Always sayin’, little girl, don’t step into the club. Well, I’m just tryin’ to find out why ‘cause dancin’s what I love,” she continues to sing while swaying her hips back and forth. She still has on her coat, but you can see her moves regardless and she looks good.

“All I know is I’m so happy when you’re dancin’ there,” she sings while throwing her coat on the stage behind her in the most dramatic pop star fashion ever.

You’re living for her.

“She’s really good,” Kento says. You excitedly agree and it seems like everyone else does too.

But now she’s at the best part, “now watch me,” She puts the microphone back on the stand and does the entire I’m a Slave 4 U dance. And she does it with the utmost precision that you’d think she was a backup dancer or Derrick Barry. You know she was practicing, but you didn’t know it was this much but it was totally worth it. She’s fucking serving.

When her performance is over, the host hands her the coat she’d thrown off and everyone is cheering for her, probably louder than they did for anyone else.

You still have fourteen more people to get though until this is over, but this renewed something in you because you know that she has to place in the top three. Unless Britney herself walks out, there’s no way that someone is topping your girl after that.

She runs over to the table and you stand up to give her a big hug. “That was fucking incredible!”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

Kento even stands up to hug her as well with a kind smile on his face, “you were amazing.”

“Thank you! Next time you guys should do it too!”

“I’m afraid my hips don’t possess those skills,” he says and everyone laughs.

You all take a seat to wait for the competition to finish. But only a few minutes later, a waitress comes over to hand a drink to Utahime.

“It came straight from the bar, but that gentleman over there sent it over,” she points at him and then walks away.

It’s a cute drink. It looks like one of those fruit things that you don’t realize has a lot of alcohol in it until you’re already drunk. But it’s nice. It almost looks like a sunset in a wavy glass and has an umbrella in it with a sliced strawberry on the rim. She takes a sip and then points the straw to you so you can try it too. You typically don’t drink, but you’ll try stuff like that. After confirming that she’s right, it is good, she waves at the man who sent it.

He’s tall with tanned skin and spiky black hair. Basically, her type. He waves back at her and that cements whatever she was feeling for him already.

“I’m gonna go talk to him really quick,” she says while running up to meet him.

That leaves you and Kento to enjoy the show so you’re not going to complain. By the time contestant number twenty-five is going up on stage, she returns to the table.

“We exchanged phone numbers.”

Both of you are happy for her and you all continue to just drink and watch the show.

Before you realize, they’re at the last person, number thirty-five and it seems like the time flew by. And contestant thirty-five went out with a bang and you’re here for all of it.

He looks young, like he just turned twenty one twenty one minutes ago young. He has pink hair and a bright smile and you can tell that he’s living his best life before he even starts. He’s wearing a red and black leather jacket with matching red pants and black shoes. You were excited to see what he was going to do and he doesn’t disappoint. The music starts and it’s fucking Thriller. You’ll never say no to someone playing Thriller ever. His voice is actually really good and if this was a recording on streaming, you’d add it to your playlist. But he makes sure to select the extended version and does the entire dance and it’s really clean. He’s definitely the best person besides Utahime and you’re impressed. When he’s done, he thanks everyone and steps down and can’t help thinking that he’s a total cutie pie.

“Alright everybody, time to vote!” The host says when stepping back up to the stage. They do the voting by those sound things that you really don’t understand and the three highest are the winners.

“Alright, third place goes to contestant number two!” You were a little surprised at first but when you remember that rap in the middle of the song, you understand it. You can’t understand why that song didn’t go as viral for people lip singing that as they did Super Bass but whatever. She steps up to the stage and grabs her third place trophy and that thing is actually pretty big. It looks like something you’d get if you won a sports competition, definitely big enough to make room on a shelf. You thought people would just get ribbons but maybe this is way more official.

“Okay, and now, second place. That goes to… contestant number thirty five!” The cutie with the pink hair steps out and moonwalks across the stage to grab his trophy. You can’t help but laugh because that was kind of awesome. It’s definitely something that you’d do if you could moonwalk. Hell, you’d moonwalk out of an argument if you could.

But you’re more excited when he places second because that means that you’re beautiful friend is going to place first, there’s no way it’s anyone else.

“Okay everyone, ready for our big winner?!” Everyone starts to cheer. “The number one spot goes to contestant number one.” You knew it.

Utahime actually looks a little surprised though and freezes for a moment before smiling and running up the stage. That fucking trophy is like half the size of her but she looks good with it. Kento takes a bunch of photos like a proud parent at graduation before she leaves the stage.

“Alright everybody, that wraps things up. Thanks for being here with us and we’ll see you next time!” He says before putting the microphone on the stand and walking away.

“Can you believe that I won?” She asks in disbelief.

“Hell yeah I can, you were incredible!” You hug her again and Kento heads to the bar to close out your tab so that he can take you guys home.

When he returns, he holds her trophy for her so that she can redress her coat and you start exiting the club, but you do catch her doing one of those old school ‘call me’ signs to the spiky haired man she just met. When you reach the car, you get back in the front and she climbs in behind you and Kento immediately starts the drive back home.

“Tonight was a good night,” she says.

“Yeah, it was,” you can’t help but agree. You actually forgot about how paranoid you were for a while.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

When you return home, you do your usual routine. And by usual routine, you mean checking every room to make sure that nobody is hiding inside.

This actually started before everything that happened with your parents. They told you that it’s better to be safe than sorry and you instilled that in Utahime as well. So when you enter her apartment, you start turning on lights and checking every room, every closet, under the beds, you even look under the couch even though a baby couldn’t fit under there let alone a full grown adult with bad intentions.

After you both finish checking the apartment, you retire to your separate rooms and start getting ready for bed. First, you pull out your phone and send a text to Suguru so that he knows you made it home safely or he’ll have the entire city shut down by morning. You make sure to wipe off all of your makeup instead of sleeping with it on like you have a bad habit of doing. You make sure to throw your dirty clothes in the laundry right away instead of leaving them on the floor for the night and taking care of them tomorrow. You take a really quick shower and then throw on a giant tee shirt and climb into bed.

You thought that once you got home you would be able to fall asleep instantly but that doesn’t appear to be the case. You were hoping that once the excitement from the night wore off that you’d be able to just crash, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

You can’t prove it, but you still feel like you’re being watched. But you already checked the entire room and there’s no one in here and you’re many floors up in this building so it can’t possibly be someone outside hiding in the bushes.

This feeling usually comes around the anniversary of what happened to your parents, but this past year it’s felt like it’s becoming more frequent. You really hope that it’s just paranoia but since that asshole still hasn’t been caught, it fills you with a sense of dread.

You continue to toss and turn for about an hour before you’re able to sleep but even when you do, it doesn’t feel too restful.

When you wake up in the morning, you see that you made it up before Utahime and decide that you’ll be the one to cook breakfast today. You don’t do anything too fancy, you just cook up some rice, some vegetables, and some fish before searching through the cabinets for dishes to serve everything on.

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t even hear Utahime entering the kitchen. She has to literally tap you on the shoulder and it almost feels like you jump out of your skin.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just lost in thought,” you tell her. Based on her face you can tell that you didn’t convince her and you feel bad because you don’t want to start the day off like this.

“Talk to me. What’s going on?” She says after you set the table and take a seat to start eating.

“Nothing. I’m f–”

“Don’t say you’re fine,” she cuts you off. “You think I can’t tell when you’re not feeling well?”

She probably knows you better than anyone so you’re not going to insult her intelligence like that. “I’ve just been feeling off for the past few days. Well, a few weeks really.” More like months.

“How so?” She asks while taking a bite of rice.

“Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m being watched. I can’t explain it. I just always feel like someone is there even when I know they can’t be.” You don’t know how to explain it so that’s the best that you can do for now.

“When do you feel like this?”

“Lately? All the time. But it’s worst at night.” You exhale before continuing because you know that you sound crazy. “I know that it’s most likely nothing and probably just because ‘that’ time of year is here, I just need to relax.” You try to downplay it.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be moving out right now.”

“Utahime.”

She cuts you off again. “I’m not trying to manipulate you, I’m being serious. I know you get like this sometimes, but not as much as it seems like it’s been lately. Maybe you should wait until this passes before you get a place on your own.”

You’re not surprised that’s what she said because that’s what you’d tell someone else. “But what if it’s nothing? It probably is nothing. It’s been seven years of these fears and nothing has come of them. I think I just need to find new ways to relax and ways to feel safe. You know, the power of positive thinking and all that.”

She lights up like a lightbulb the second those words leave your lips. “I have an idea!”

“What?”

“Come with me to the shop!” She exclaims.

You know what shop she means, she means the wicca shop. Over the past few years, Utahime has been practising wicca because she said it was a good way to feel a connection to nature and she’d rather support a Goddess. She said it makes her feel empowered and you’ve always supported that.

“How is that going to help me?”

“We’ll get you some protection items. Once you have them, maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

“Are you sure?”

“Come on. You’re the one who just said ‘power of positive thinking.’” She has you there. “Plus, if you’re still going to move out, it’ll make me feel better knowing that you have some things to help you.”

If it’ll help assuage her fears, you’ll do it. “Fine, I’ll go.” She starts to get super excited. “But it has to wait until I find a place and Suguru approves.”

“That’s fine. It’ll be good to wait because then I can sage the place when we get there.”

The two of you continue to eat breakfast before going your separate ways to start the day.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

“Is this just your way of trying to get me to move back home?”

“Have I ever minced words when it came to something that I want? Yes, I’d like you to stay home where I know you’ll be safe. But if you must embark on this journey, I just want to do my part,” Suguru says while pulling into the lot of the fourth apartment of the day.

He picked you up shortly after breakfast so that he can view everything in person and he rejected the first three places pretty quickly. You’re running out of options unless you move further away and you’d really like to avoid that.

This place is a gated community which he felt better about, but that doesn’t make it foolproof in his eyes. When you step out of the car, it seems that the apartment manager is already waiting for you outside the building.

“I don’t recognize you so I bet you’re the ones I’m showing the unit to today?” He says with an extended hand to shake yours.

“Yes, but he’s a little picky,” you say while nudging Suguru.

“I just want to make sure she’s safe,” he says.

“Ah, protective dad. Gotcha!” How do words feel sweet and sad at the same time? “Well, I promise that this is a really good unit. As you can see, we’re gated in. We also have security over here at the entrance to the building and a twenty four seven concierge who sees who comes in and out at all times,” he rambles while leading you to the apartment. “We have security cameras everywhere and key cards for entry. It definitely makes it easier to track who comes in and out and all of those things are logged.” You follow him inside the elevator and he presses the button to go to floor fourteen.

“How long are these things logged for?”

“The key card logs are saved until someone moves out and security camera footage rolls over every thirty days.”

“If something happened, how difficult is it for law enforcement to get access to that footage?”

The manager looks a little surprised at first but he answers anyway, “we’re very accommodating to law enforcement. We want all of our tenants to be safe so if there’s a concern that they’re not, we want to do everything that we can.”

Suguru hums seeming pleased with that answer. “How strict are you with giving access to a tenants unit?”

“Very strict. The only people who are allotted access are tenants and whoever they approved. But in order for someone else to be granted access, they must be logged in through the concierge and given their own key card. We’re very strict about the sharing of key cards and there will be consequences if it turns out that six people are using the same one.”

“What does someone have to do to be given access?”

“They have to apply for one and give their personal information including their name and provide a copy of their identification card.”

“What if some guy came in and was super charming and said he was my daughter’s boyfriend and he happened to forget his card? Would he be allowed in?”

“Absolutely not,” the manager responds. “And if that happened and was reported, it would be logged, they’d be banned from the building, and the person who allowed them in would be fired. We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to our tenants privacy or safety. In order to be given access, you must prove that you had a card in the first place and if you’re not on file, there’s no exceptions.”

You look up at Suguru and see a pleased look on his face.

“What do you think?” You ask him.

“Let’s see once we get inside.”

At that moment, the elevator doors open to a sparkling clean hallway. It’s all white with tiled floors and the occasional table which is nice. You’ve never seen a decorated hallway. There’s a few paintings on the walls and all the doors are black, creating a sleek look. You like it already and you just hope that Suguru does as well.

You finally come to a unit and you’re excited to see what it looks like in person. The manager opens the door and gestures for you to walk inside.

You step inside and you’re already praying that Suguru approves because you love it here. The first thing that you see are the giant floor to ceiling windows that allow the view to take your breath away. To your left, there’s a kitchen with all black appliances, which you love and an island in the center to prep food. Further off, there’s a door leading to the bedroom which has a lush grey carpet and a giant walk in closet. This room also has giant windows, not quite floor to ceiling, but you like them anyway. There’s another door leading to the bathroom that has one of those claw foot tubs you always thought were so cute and a walk in shower as well with glass doors. When you move to the opposite side of the apartment, there’s another bedroom that mirrors the previous one, it’s just a little smaller. You were thinking that you could turn the additional bedroom into a craft room or a studio or something. You don’t know, you’re just excited. Aside from the bedrooms, the apartment has clean and light colored hardwood floors and the windows have automated curtains like you see in a hotel. But the best part, the entire place is furnished. You want to live here so bad.

You go back to the livingroom where you see Suguru speaking with the manager to get his opinion.

“So… what do you think?”

He takes a look around the room before responding, “it’s nice.”

That’s not helpful.

“But………..???”

“What makes you think there’s going to be a ‘but?’” You pout and he laughs before asking the manager for a little bit of privacy. He steps outside to give you a moment to speak. “I like it.”

“Okay, but what does that mean? Do you trust it?”

“I don’t trust you anywhere but at home with your family. But if I had to pick a place to allow you to take this big step in your life, I suppose this would be the one.”

Your eyes widen because you think he just said what you’ve been hoping he’d say all day.

“Does that mean… you approve?”

“I approve. As long as we continue our safety precautions and you don’t allow a bunch of strangers in here because you’re throwing parties. And I want to vet anyone who you plan on giving a key card to first. That’s not a debate.”

“Deal!” You agree enthusiastically. You give him the biggest hug before running to the door, swinging it open, and telling the manager that you’ll take it.

You spent the next hour in his office signing paperwork and getting everything situated. You make sure that Suguru is given complete access to everything. He gets a key card and you make sure that if there’s ever an issue, that the people working know that you approve for him to have access to your personal information. Normally they wouldn’t give someone somebody else’s business regardless if they’re family, but you list him on the paperwork as a safe person to do so.

After getting your keys and leaving, you go to lunch with Suguru to celebrate this big step in your life. You’ve been busting your ass saving up money and with your regulars, you know that you’ll be okay. You’re just happy that he approved this.

You can’t wait to tell Utahime.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

“Congratulations!” She shouts once you return home. “Off to the wicca shop we go!”

You knew that she wasn’t going to let that go and you’re so excited that you’re not going to stop her. You just run off to your room to get a coat and then you meet her at the car.

It’s a quick ride to the shop and it feels like it gets shorter every time you go. You’ve been with her plenty of times, but you’ve never actually gotten anything for yourself.

Looks like that’s about to change.

Even though you’ve never purchased anything, you have always loved coming here. It’s a cute shop and it has a really cozy feel. There’s things hanging from the ceiling that have carvings in them. There’s a wall of books, a wall of bottles, a wall of jewelry, there’s everything it seems. The walls are painted a deep purple and the carpet is a dark shade of red and you just love the ambiance.

“Okay, here we go!” She starts pulling out what she says are protection crystals and puts them in the basket. “We’ll find somewhere to store these at your place, maybe one in each room. “This one will help with clearing out negative energy, I think it’ll be good for you. This one will help promote positive energy and a harmonious environment, we’ll get this one too.”

You don’t know much about this stuff but she seems pretty knowledgeable so you’re going to trust her.

“We also need to get sage,” she starts leading you in the direction of herbs and other things. Truthfully, you’re not a fan of the smell but maybe she’s on to something. “Let’s also get a spellbook.”

“A spellbook? For what?” You know nothing about spells.

“If you start to feel uneasy, these will help. The right spell can invoke a feeling of protection so when you feel like you’re losing it, here they are.” She picks up a book that says it’s full of protection spells and you take a look at it.

Being a fan of old school Charmed, you always thought stuff like this was cute but you didn’t know until recently how much it can help people. You just haven't tried it for you… yet.

“I think we’re good.” You follow her to the cashier and smile when you meet her eye. She’s an older woman who you've seen as the only person ever working here, but she’s really sweet.

“How are you two young ladies doing today?” She asks.

“My friend just got her first place and I’m getting her some stuff for protection.”

She smiles and picks up a bracelet from the shelf behind you, “here take this.”

It’s a purple bracelet that looks similar to one of the crystals Utahime picked up. It gets more beautiful the longer you look at it and you’re going to try it out.

“How much?” You ask her and she waves you off. You try to pay for the rest of the items but Utahime won’t let you do that either. So you put the bracelet on and follow her out of the store.

“Have a good day!” The woman yells as you start to walk out.

“You too! Thank you!” The both of you say to her while waving.

What a sweetheart.

When you get back to the car, you start giving Utahime directions to your new place and her jaw drops when she first sees the building.

“Damn! You make this kind of money as a server?” She seems completely blown away.

You’ve been working as a server at a gentlemen's club and it’s allowed you to build up regulars and you do pretty well. This place actually costs a little bit more than you wanted to pay, but it was worth it to meet the requirements that Suguru has.

After you make it through the gate and the doorman, you lead her to the person at the front desk to get her in the system. You give them your information and they link her to your account and give her a card. Suguru already approved her as one of the people who he believed could be trusted with access to your new home so at least you know that he won’t be mad about this.

After making sure it’s safe for her to roam the building with you, you get in the elevator to head up to your floor.

“This place is niiiiiceeeeee,” she says and you laugh.

“I looked like crazy for something Suguru would approve of.”

“Shit. I approve of it! I kinda wanna live here!”

“You can come anytime you want and stay anytime you want,” you say to her.

“What else does this place have?”

“I haven’t looked for anything yet, but there’s supposed to be indoor and outdoor pools, a jacuzzi, a gym, and something else. I can’t really remember. I looked less for the amenities and more for the safety protocols.”

She nods her head, seeming impressed and it makes you more excited that the most important people in your life approve.

You get to your door and open it with the key card which is a feature that you love and open the door for her to step inside.

“I love it!” She cries out and you just chuckle. She sets the bags down on the kitchen counter and starts to run around the apartment like a madman. “How’d you get everything moved in so fast?”

“It came furnished already.”

Her jaw drops again and you’re feeling even more proud of your decision.

“Nice. But now, let’s make sure it’s safe for you.” You nod your head and she begins.

The first thing that she does is place the protection crystals in various rooms. So far there’s one for every room excluding the kitchen but since there’s no wall blocking it in, she thinks it’ll be okay to count as just one giant room. Then she lights up the sage and starts to cleanse the area. You take a seat and allow her to do her thing because you’ve heard of people doing this, but you don’t really know the process.

After she’s done, she puts the sage out in a dish on the counter and then comes to sit next to you on the couch.

“I’m really proud of you,” she says in a calm tone. “You’ve been through so much and now you’re achieving so much. I’m really happy and I know that they’d be proud.”

You feel tears start to prick your eyes but you’re grateful for her words. You always wonder what they’d think, but it’d probably be the same thing she does.

“Thank you Utahime. You’ve been there the entire time and I couldn’t have done it without you.”

She rests her head on your shoulder before bursting out, “I fucking love this place!”

The both of you laugh before getting up to leave. You don’t stay at your new place tonight because you just got it today which means that you have nothing here. You’re going to go home with her and then pack things up tomorrow and start moving them over.

For the first time in a while, you feel good.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

“Rise and shine sweet cakes!” Utahime bursts into your room like a bat out of hell this morning.

“Sweet cakes? Is that a nickname?” You grumble while slowly waking up.

“It is for you, my sweet cakes.” You just laugh and crawl out of bed.

“Just let me take a shower and then we can start the day.” She nods and leaves the room.

How is it that being in a shower can make you feel powerful? It gives you the energy boost that you need and you’re ready to start getting shit done. You have some stuff at Utahime’s that you have to pack up but most of everything left at Suguru’s was packed when you decided to come here so this should be a relatively easy process.

When you step into the kitchen, you see basically your entire family. Utahime is putting another pot of coffee on and you see Suguru along with your adoptive sisters Nanako and Mimiko and your adoptive mother Manami sitting at the kitchen table.

“How are you dear? Excited for today?” He asks.

“Yeah. Thank you everyone for coming to help.”

They all mumble some sort of ‘you’re welcome’ and you’re happy to see them.

“I brought a truck with your stuff from the house so you don’t have to make too many trips. But I’d still like you to come home to make sure I didn’t leave anything behind,” he says.

“Okay. Thank you!” You’re practically beaming today. You get a cup of coffee and then Manami and Utahime follow you to the room to pack things up before they along with Suguru carry it out. Nanako and Mimiko hate packing because they hate moving, but they wanted to come once they checked the website for your complex and want to check out the pool. They’re adorable. You went from being an only child one day to the oldest sister and this must be part of it.

You ride in the car with Manami and the girls while Utahime rides with Suguru. She constantly says he’s too protective, but she loved having him around when she got a new boyfriend and he interrogated the fuck out of him. She swears that he’s a human lie detector test and she gets a lot of good advice from him. You couldn’t have been taken in by a better family.

“Do you really have two pools?!” Nanako asks from the backseat.

You laugh before responding, “I haven’t seen them yet. But there should be.”

“Is it true that there’s a spa too?!” Mimiko asks this time.

“I hope so. But I guess we’ll see today.”

Manami is just laughing the entire drive over. “It seems like you’re going to be having a lot of guests,” she says.

She’s probably not wrong.

Just like when you arrived with Utahime, your young companions' eyes look like they’re going to burst out of their head. You give Manami the code to enter the gate and everyone looks super excited. After parking, you run inside to ask them if you can use the bellhop cart to move up some boxes. Not only do they approve, they send someone to help you. And who is the bellhop boy?

Thriller.

A young man with that pink spiky hair comes to greet you with the cart and this is just further proof that it really is a small world.

“Hi ma’am, I’m Yuji. How can I help you today?”

“Hi Yuji,” you introduce yourself and you’re still in shock that he’s the one working here. “I just have some boxes to move upstairs, is that okay?”

“Of course!” He says eagerly and starts to follow you outside.

“Hey, this might be a weird question,” he looks over at you once you start with that. “But are you the Thriller boy or are my eyes playing tricks on me?”

He starts laughing and you assume that confirms that thought. “Yeah, I went with my friends. But I don’t remember you performing.”

“I didn’t. I went with my friend and she won.”

“I know who you’re talking about! She was great. One of my friends actually voted for her over me.”

“I’m sorry about that,” you say but can’t hold back a chuckle.

“It’s fine. I probably would have too. It was still a fun night.” You agree because all in all, it was.

When you get to the truck, you see Suguru starting to pull out bins and boxes and load them up on the cart. Once it’s full, you start going back inside to drop off the first load before going back down for the next one. Luckily, it only took you two trips. Yuji turned out to be Superman and was able to push anything you put on there and that allowed you to get it done very quickly.

But as soon as he and Utahime saw each other, they were chatting and Suguru was in detective mode like he had to vet another person.

After everything is completely dropped off, you thank him and Suguru tips him before he goes on his way.

“I’ll see you around!” He waves before walking off and he truly is the sweetest kid.

You, Utahime, and Suguru take a seat on the couches while everyone else is running around the apartment and having the time of their lives.

“You should turn this one into a photo studio,” Nanako says when coming out of the additional bedroom.

“Naw, you should use it to make crafts and stuff. You can make clothing, animals, whatever,” Mimiko disputes. They’re adorable. “Okay, where’s the pool?”

You spend the rest of the time exploring the complex with them and it’s even nicer than you realized. There are two pools as advertised, the jacuzzi as well, a spa, an area for pets, and a gym. Thank god for your regulars who are absolutely going to be paying your rent.

After a long tour and ordering in, everyone finally starts to say their goodbyes.

“Congratulations on your new place, honey. We’re so proud of you,” Manami says before giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“We’ll be back for the pool,” Nanako and Mimiko say in unison.

“I’m happy for you dear,” Suguru hugs you tight and you thank him. For what? You’re not sure. Probably everything.

After bidding their goodbyes, they leave and that has just you and Utahime left alone.

“I should probably get going too,” she says.

You’re disappointed, but you understand. You give her a hug before walking her to the door.

“Call me if you need anything.” You nod, but that’s not enough for her. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to sit here and wallow in misery. If you need anything, I’ll come back. Even if you just wanna talk, please let me know. We do have to plan our birthdays!”

You agree and with that, she turns to leave and it’s officially your first night in your new apartment by yourself.

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

It’s been a few days since you’ve moved into your new place and you’re loving the experience so far.

Mostly.

You’ve been keeping to yourself by just going to work and coming home so that you can adjust to this new experience. But you have been keeping in contact with your family and friends like you promised. You even ran into Yuji twice as you were coming and going and it’s always nice to chat with him for a bit.

Work has been good and on one night, you made enough in tips to cover your rent for next month and that makes you feel more stable on your decision to stay here. You put the cash in the safe in your closet because you never visit the atm at night and plan to do it early the next day that you go out.

It’s been nice but you’re starting to have a vague feeling of paranoia again. But you haven’t been having it when you’re at home so you’re assuming that there is something to Utahime’s practices. But when you leave, you can’t shake the feeling of there being a set of eyes on you.

How can that be? You didn’t move far, but you did move so if someone was watching you, how would they be able to trail you without Suguru or you noticing? Hell, even Utahime is great at noticing if there’s a car behind her.

You keep trying to push those thoughts to the back of your head by convincing yourself that it’s just you. After all, you have felt this way for a while, but nothing‘s ever been acted on. That’s proof that it’s all in your mind, right? Surely someone with ill intentions would’ve acted by now, right?

This is fucking stressful.

Luckily you have the night off and you decide to go through this book of protection spells that Utahime got for you.

“There’s a spell in here for everything,” you mumble to yourself.

You see something that says they protect your home, some that say they protect your job, some that say they protect your relationships, etc. While those are good things to have, that’s not exactly what you’re looking for. You just want to feel safe when you leave, so you’re hoping you find something that does the trick.

Eventually, you do.

There’s a spell in here for just general protection and that’s what you’re looking for. It calls for candles, crystals, sage, talismans and you’re starting to realize why it says it’s all around protection. It requires you to throw everything plus the kitchen sink in here so you’re not surprised.

You do your best to follow the instructions because the last thing you want to do is call Utahime for help. You don’t want her to worry about you feeling the need to do this so you’re just going to try your best.

Luckily, you already have everything that you need. The day after you moved in, she made a quick stop to drop off a bag full of extra items she thought would help make you feel safer and more comfortable, so it looks like you have all the ingredients necessary. You sit down on the floor and start placing the candles equidistant apart to form a circle, light them, and get in the center. You start placing the crystals in between them on the inner layer of said circle, and place the talisman whatever because at this point you’re phoning it in. You’re just desperate for anything to work.

You say the spell and at first, nothing happens. It does feel like your apartment got quieter than it was before, but that can’t be a thing, right? You don’t know what you were expecting to happen, you just thought it would be something. But like you’ve been discussing, maybe it’s just the state of mind. As soon as you’re about to blow out the candles and pack them away, they blow themselves out.

“What the fuck?” You audibly choke out. Yeah, the air conditioner is on, but it doesn't blow across the room hard enough to blow out fucking candles. You sit, frozen, only moving your eyes to get a look around the room. Even if someone was here, there’s no way that they could sneak up behind you and blow out seven candles in a circle without you noticing. You continue to wait to see if anything else happens, but nothing does. You assume it was a fluke or that they were just shitty candles and make a move to start picking them up again when one starts to move away from you. It’s almost like there are magnets in your hand and the candle, forcing them to repel each other and now you’re starting to freak the fuck out.

“Is someone there?”

You start to look around the room, but you still don’t see anyone. Everything else is just as you left it when you sat down, and you can’t understand what the hell is going on.

You suddenly feel something is on the back of your neck, like a lover breathing against you, and it causes you to jump from where you’re sitting, knocking over several candles. But as you look around, you see that you’re still alone. You wonder if you can get up and make a run to the front door without being caught by whatever is in here doing this to you. But as you start staring down the door, do you hear a voice come from behind you.

“Hey.”

You turn around to face the windows again and still don’t see anyone there. But now you know for a fact, someone is there. It’s not music on your phone and the TV is not on. It’s just you and whoever managed to sneak in without you noticing and now you’re understanding Suguru’s paranoia. You really hope he doesn’t have to learn about you on the news in the morning.

I……. I have money.“ Is all you can get out. Most people who break in it’s for the purpose of robbery so you’re hoping that you can bribe them for your safety.

“What am I going to do with that?“

Okay, it’s really official now, you’re not losing your shit and someone is in here with you. But how can they sound so close but still be out of view. Did a fucking ventriloquist break in here and they’ve been throwing their voice from behind the couch? You sit frozen for a moment before you decide that you’re gonna turn around and make a run for the door as fast as possible. You decide that you’re gonna look behind yourself for just a moment to make sure that no one is blocking your exit and when you turn your head, the voice speaks up again.

“Pretty jumpy for a girl who summoned a demon, aren’t ya?”

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

This time when you turn around, there is what appears to be a grown man sitting on the floor directly in front of you with the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“Why do you look so scared? You’re the one who brought me here.”

How the hell are you supposed to get yourself out of this situation?

“How did you get in here?” You ask, hesitantly. Maybe if you can seem rational, he won’t feel the need to attack you.

“What are you talking about? I just said that you brought me here.“ Is he fucking with you right now because it feels like he’s fucking with you right now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I came home alone, and I’ve been alone all day.”

“Sure, probably. And then you invited me in, so now I’m here.”

“What the hell do you mean I invited you in?’” Is it just you or is he being incredibly vague?

“You summoned me, duh.“ And that’s all he says before rolling his eyes. Nice to know that the man who broke into your house is bored of you. Asshole.

You decide that fuck it, you’re gonna make a break for it. He’s sitting in front of you by the windows and all you have to do is stand up and bolt for the exit. And that’s what you do.

You stand up and start to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction towards your front door, only glancing back wants to see that he’s still sitting in place. But when you start to turn your head forward to watch where you’re going, you run head first into him, face right in his chest. How the hell could that have happened? Are there two of them?

“Damn, you brought me here and you were just going to leave me like that?“

“Please let me go,” you start to beg and starting to tear up.

“You can go anytime you want. I just have to go with you.” What the hell is he talking about when he says ‘has to go?’

“No. I’m so sorry for whatever I did. Please don’t hurt me! Please let me go.” Suddenly all the worst moments of your life start to flash and you wonder if this is how your parents felt on that awful day. You should’ve listened to Suguru and you should’ve stayed at home. Or you should’ve listened to Utahime when she basically inferred that you weren’t ready to live on your own. But now you have to face the consequences of those actions.

“Why are you crying?” He looks genuinely perplexed by your reaction as if any woman wouldn’t be terrified to find a tall ass man in their home when they thought they were alone.

“Are you going to hurt me?” You already know the answer, but it just felt like instinctual to ask.

“Why would I hurt you? I’m here to protect you,” he says as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“What are you talking about?” Maybe if you can reason with him on a human level, he’ll let you go. It works on some of those investigation discovery shows you’ve watched throughout the years.

“You wanted protection. You summoned me to protect you. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“What do you mean I summoned you?”

“Didn’t you read the spell from the book?” You nod your head yes. “And you did the ritual?” You nod in agreement again. “Then you summoned me to protect you, now I’m here.”

So this man is basically trying to gaslight you into thinking that he came out of a fucking book.

“How did you move so fast? Or is someone else here?”

“That’s just one of my powers, babe.“

Oh, you really see what’s going on now. Either an improv comic or the most attractive drug addict on the craziest street drug broken and he’s so messed up that he doesn’t even know what he’s doing or saying at this point because what the hell does he mean when he says powers?

“What do you mean powers? People don’t have powers,” you feel like your head is spinning and you just wanna go to bed.

“People don’t. But demons do.”

Demons? Oh, this is absolutely where your life ends because nobody’s going to refer to themselves that and let someone else live.

“Demons aren’t real.”

“How can you say that? You just summoned me!“ He actually sounds hurt by you saying that and you’re really struggling to figure out how you’re gonna walk your way out of this situation. He’s so unpredictable that you don’t know if he can be reasoned with, at all.

“I wanted protection, I didn’t want a demon.”

“Well, you got one!“ He says with a smile. He might actually be kind of charming if he wasn’t a fucking lunatic.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Prove it?” He asks you.

“Yes. You don’t look like a demon. You just look like a guy,“ you don’t want to offend him, but maybe he gets offended like Pennywise in the second movie and if you insult him, he’ll just lay down and take a nap.

“I chose this form because I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Well, I’m already scared. The least you can do is confirm your identity.”

He smirks before his appearance starts to shift. His ethereal blue eyes start to glow bright enough to probably light up a pitch black room and smoke starts to appear when you have to stop him.

“Okay! “Okay! I get it! You can stop now.” You start waving your arms around to get him to cut off the theatrics. If you weren’t convinced before, you are now.

He chuckles at your response as if it’s the most entertaining thing in the world. “You’re cute. This should be fun.” That’s the last thing he says before. Going to take a seat on your couch.

Fuck.

What a hell of a morning.

What did you do?

‎⋆˙⟡♡✧˖°

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