#i wanna put her in a salad spinner
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Why does no one talk about how fire the soundtrack is. Like when i heard the soundtrack was on spotify i threw on Pale Blue Glow and i literally ascended. It felt like i was put into a salad spinner of happiness if that makes sense. When i grow up i wanna be the soundtrack (i already am grown up but a man can dream.) ALSO MINX??? THAT SONG??? LIKE ITS LITERALLY THE BEST. SO IS INDULGENCE. Guys i will shave my beard just so i have a chance at being as fine as Oleander and the soundtracks that come with him. (My gf got me into Obscura she doesnt mind me saying this about other guys dw because im a bi king) ok thats all. KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, nonny!
Folks do talk about the soundtrack, but frankly I'm always eager to see more praise given to Cajsa and her work!
And oh boy, Cajsa's work on Oleander is something else, isn't it? I'm going to have to ask her if we can share an alternate version of it sometime, because that version is also magnificent.
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character opinion bingo for frank and/or margaret?
Character Opinion Bingo
Tysm for sending this in! And what a pair, lmao. I'll do 'em both! The people who know me on discord are unfortunately aware that besides Flagg, Frank fucking Burns has become my brand (to my own disdain). And I adore Margaret with all my heart. It's only right that she wound up my first bingo!!
Frank's the first one and Margaret's the second!
Frank Burns
I am so normal about them: I'm probably one of the very few people on this planet that looked at Frank Burns and went "now that's the one I wanna write more of." If you so much as look up the tag #frank burns on my account... you'll get exactly what I mean. I fucking hate-love him and love-hate him and vice versa. Horrible person with horrible values but with such a pathetic and harmless ferrety demeanor about him that most of what I feel for him ends up being pity.
I have so many headcanons about them: LORD KNOWS how much I have to say about his ass. once again, present in the tag. But I'd also like to add onto that the fact that I've planned out and am currently writing a whole character study fic series on him. Literally ask me about Frank Burns, I'll kiss you.
They are so silly: worm-eating Ferret-faced bitch who somehow fails at things that one can't even fail at
They didn't get bullied enough: ...
SQUEAK: Me sequeazing the ever-loving fuck out of his character till I get the bottom of it.
Bastard: It's just an objective truth idk what to tell ya.
Margaret Houlihan
I am so normal about them: If she stepped on me, fed me a grenade then chopped my head off I'd probably think she was right for it and, as a wrecked ghost, thank her.
I have so many headcanons about them: Not as many as Frank ( unfortunately ) but just enough for me to cross this off. I don't get to share everything I think about her often but trust me, Major Houlihan does not leave my mind. Especially her relationship with the military and what her role in the show, even after her growth, says about the treatment of women at the time.
A beast unleashed: Ever seen her beat someone up? The woman's a champion and I stan her for it. Never get on Margaret Houlihan's bad side unless you're in a suit and armor.
My friend's favorite, the blorbo by proxy: A lot of my friends seem to adore Margaret above all and boy do I not blame 'em for her. I also can't go about mentioning her without shouting out the Margaret pioneer that is @almostpleasantrebel whose Margaret-centric fics on AO3 have attached me to the character at a deeper level than I ever thought was possible for me. Thanks a bunch, Moll!
Puts them in a salad spinner: I would. I did. I will. Yes.
Literally I would kiss them: Who the fuck wouldn't???
I fuck with this aesthetic so hard: Military lady with nuances to her character and an ever-growing sense of humanity!? Yes, please. Hello.
#thanks again for sending this in! Loved getting to organize my opinions on both of 'em tbh#frank burns#who eats worms#margaret houlihan#who can stuff me in a can#mash 4077#character opinion bingo#inbox games#m*a*s*h#mashposting
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”blorbo”
��I want to put him in a salad spinner”
“I wanna eat your art”
“I want to shake him around”
“he’s my wife”
“she’s my husband”
“yeah josh I don’t fucking care if she’s a Skyrim fish, I’m gonna marry her”
“skrungle”
“foaming at the mouth”
“AAAARRRGHHHFFFRRHDJFHFHFHFJ”(this is considered a polite and normal response to things you like)
“gguh”
“climbing the walls”
“violently shaking”
most of these are responses to seeing a good art or a good collection of words, not a bad one
tumblr is full of phrases that we are all so desensitized to that they're just normal, but if you say it to a person in real life its so funny to them its a one-hit insta kill
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4081d6da573c73dcc2214d549e8512f1/dca6f5f58fb50826-33/s540x810/099d968c590edc53602e7dffbdf681f28e124113.jpg)
hey bbg heard you like uncomfortably pretty aesthetics
*slides in my weirdcore oc Memory in a sexy way*
the picrew i used btw: https://picrew.me/image_maker/1879610
#weirdcore#weirdcore oc#weirdcore art#weirdcore picrew#i love her sm#i wanna put her in a salad spinner#silly lil bear butterfly gal#i can do a full ass lore drop on her
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I wanna know all about game night with Severus, Lucius, and Narcissa at the Manor. What do they play? Who wins most? Who loses most? Who's most competitive? Who let's who win on occasion? Snacks? Cocktails? I want it all. (Please, thanks, love you.)
Oh ho game night? The Legendary Malfoy-Snape Game Night? Thank You so much anon!
There is a huge sign that says "Leave your dignity at the door."
Winning- They all have their talents it all just depends on the game.
Most Competitive- All of them, but Narcissa will take you down.
Most Laid Back- C'mon now. We all know that that's not possible id winning comes with bragging rights.
Loosing- Most Likely Lucius because if it's a muggle game Severus and Narcissa will team up just to see the cute little nose scrunch that Lucius dose when he's irritated.
If it's Poker. Strip Poker. Both of them bitches are going down.
"Uh oh. He put his hair up"
(Luce looks ravishing with his hair in a bun and he knows it, but he mostly does it to keep the long strands out of his face)
"This is the only game that you are completely invested in. You pervert."
"Hmmm... If I'm a pervert why are staring at my chest?"
*blushes* "..... Shut up"
Snacks- All of them. It just depends on whose turn it is to host.
Severus has a more laid back, chill environment. Whether it's at his flat in london (HC? Maybe.) or at Spinner's End.
Fast Food? Yes. Especially McDonald's. (@sneverussape thanks for putting me on.)
Burgers. Chicken Nuggets. Fish and Chips. Yes.
Sometimes Severus will make the more cultured snacks that he grew up with during his childhood. (Sticky Buns, Koshered Food, oh and most definitely Hamantaschen, etc.)
The Malfoys are bougie through and through. They'd have entire platters of food stacked high.
Cakes and Cupcakes with every frosting imaginable.
They had an image to maintain
(They both secretly enjoyed Severus' simplicity more though they would never admit it aloud.)
There was a few months after the first Wizarding War where Severus tried to improve his mental health and Body Image.
He ate healthier foods.
Like Salads with the little crispy bread balls (what are those called?)
Cucumbers with Dressing.
And on game nights Narcissa and Lucius would help him replace the more hearty foods like Steak and with Salmon or Shrimp. (They'd eat up all of Sev's Greek Yogurt and Fruit though.)
Drinks-
Alcohol? Probably. Even though it lower inhibitions.
Most likely different muggle Juices and Sodas.
Lucius loves Dr. Pepper.
Narcissa prefers Sprite and Sunkist. The darker soda gives her gas.
Severus will probably drink anything as long as it isn't laced or poisoned.
Games-
(Not all of the games they play but the ones that I am most familiar with.)
Monopoly
Not for the weak. Only true Slytherins can succeed.
Lasts forever
"That hotel was NOT right there when I left"
"Yes it was"
"You two are cheating"
"No we aren't"
"How did I end up in Jail then?"
".....Tax Fraud"
Twister
"Accidental" Sexy Touches
"Lucius.... Your hand is not supposed to be there"
"The spinner said Blue and guess what's directly above blue" *smacks ass and leaves hand there*
"...... I hate you"
*evil chuckle* "oh I know"
"Cissa you can't tickle me that's cheating"
"I play to win, so fall bitch"
Uno
Number one way to get your ass kicked
Severus most definitely "cheats" on this game, just to make it more interesting
He'll make up rules and different versions of the game on a whim
Legilimency? You bet your pimp cane.
"Don't you dare change the fucking color you piece of toad shit"
"Eat my ass."
"Will do babe. Right after you draw 4 cards"
"You wanker"
"Nope, that's what I have you for"
"I'm withholding sex for a week if I don't win"
"Lu Sweetheart... You and I both know you won't last a week. You can barely last an hour without jumping either me or Severus"
Truth Or Dare
Someone always ends up streaking through the Manor or Skinny Dipping.
Severus with Make-up? Yessir.
Lucius in a Crop Top and a mini Skirt? Lol Yes
Narcissa Lip Syncing to the Pussycat Dolls? You bet your ass.
Lucius and Severus dressing as one another and pretending to be each other. (I need a fanfiction on that now lol)
"Cissa....Cissa....Cissy.... Cissy.... C'monnn I wanna go cuuddddle"
"I do NOT sound like that... And I'd never say something as inane as 'I wanna go cuddle'... And stop pouting I don't pout."
"Yes you do"
"Fine then be like that" *clears throat*
"I am Dracula bleh bleh bleh"
"Fight me bitch"
*Narcissa in the Background red in the face and dying of laughter*
TBC....
(Thank You Anon for this wonderful Ask I'm sorry it took so long)
#severus snape#snape#pro snape#slytherpride#slytherin#lucius malfoy#narcissa malfoy#lucissa#snucius#snarcissa#snucissa#severus snape headcanon#Snucissa Headcannon#spinners end#severus and the malfoys are bad influences on each other#malfoy manor#Malfoy-Snape Game Night#ask#snape ask
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she is my favorite silly lil guy i just wanna pop her in my mouth full chicken nugget style. or put her in that one salad spinner and watch her spin
misty haters dni
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Dinner With Friends (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}
Title: Dinner With Friends Rating: PG-13 Length: 3500 Warnings: Family Fluff and extremely mild angst. Notes: You can find the Maybe Today, Maybe Forever Timeline here. And release order here. Set in January 1998. Shout to the one and only Tiernan for supplying the twist in this chapter. Summary: Reader and Javier host the Murphys for dinner.
Taglist: @grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @pedropascalito @rogrsnbarnes @thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex @ham4arrow @hiscyarika @plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale @roxypeanut @just-add-butter @snivellusim @amarvelousmandalorian @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper @awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie @swhiskeys @lady-tano @beskar-droids @space-floozy @cable-kenobi @longitud-de-onda @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @seeking-a-great--perhaps @frietiemeloen @arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn @cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato @coredrive @pascalesque @theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar (if I forget to tag you, I’m sorry)
“Stevie!” You called out when she started barking loudly — Josie had ensnared her into a game with Olivia and Emily and her patience seemed to be wearing as thin as your own.
“Did you really have to name her Stevie?”
Steve questioned, shaking his head slowly as he leaned against the kitchen counter and watched you press the button on the top of the lettuce spinner.
“I love Stevie Nicks.”
He pointed at you, “And that is bullshit.”
You rolled your eyes. “You’re just jealous that Sofía isn’t Stevie.”
Steve glared, “Well if it starts with ‘S’.”
“I’m sorry, do you have an issue with our daughter being named for Javier’s late mother?” You questioned, folding your arms across your chest briefly, before you emptied out the tossed lettuce into a larger bowl.
“Not when you put it that way.” Steve huffed, shaking his head as he took a swig of beer. “How are… things going?”
You glanced over your shoulder at him, “The drought was quenched almost five months ago. Thank God.”
Steve blanched, “I don’t need to know about that.”
“You asked.”
He narrowed his eyes, “About how things are going.” He rubbed at the back of his neck.
You laughed, shrugging your shoulders. “I’m doing better. There’s still difficult days, but I work through them.” You chewed on your bottom lip. “And Javier is good at helping me.”
“He’s always been more than willing to give you a hand.” Steve said with a slow shake of his head. “The two of you were inseparable.”
You felt a faint blush rise to your cheeks. “I know. And we still are.” You grabbed a handful of freshly washed radishes and started cutting them down into smaller pieces for the salad. “He’s still just as stubborn about everything.”
“Shit. Isn’t he?” Steve snorted, rocking his head to the side.”I don’t know how you put up with that grumpy son-of—“
“Mommy!” Josie called out from the threshold of the kitchen. “Mommmmmy.”
You sat the knife aside and turned back to look at her, hands on your hips. “What’s up?”
“I’m hungry.”
“Dinner is almost ready.” You assured her. “Why don’t you go check on daddy outside?”
“Okay mommy.” Josie beamed at you. “Does daddy have sissy?”
“Aunt Connie does, rugrat.” Steve told her, “She’s out in the backyard with your father.”
“Thank you.” She said politely before leaving through the back door, followed by Emily and Olivia.
“She gets away with everything doesn’t she?”
“With Javier? Oh, yeah. I’m the strict parent. Always.” You shook your head with a laugh. You didn’t actually mind filling the role of the strict parent, mostly because Javier was a marshmallow of a father.
“I wouldn’t have guessed that.” He remarked as he took a drink of his beer, “You’ve always been the fun one. Javier? I didn’t know that fun was in his vocabulary.”
You rolled your eyes, “For the record, he was actually very fun in Colombia.”
“Really?” Steve gave you a skeptical look. “I think that might be the rose colored glasses talking.” He gestured to you with the bottle. “You were the positive influence he needed.”
“Yeah,” You agreed. “He would’ve worked himself to death, if I hadn’t been there.” You scooped up the radishes you’d cut, tossing them into the bowl of lettuce. “Can you get the croutons out of the oven?”
“Look how fancy you are. Making homemade croutons.” Steve teased as he grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the pan out of the oven.
“Josie will only eat a salad if there’s croutons in it.” You explained to him. “Javier hates the store bought croutons.” You grabbed the carton of cherry tomatoes, flipping the plastic lid up so you could rinse them off under the sink.
You glanced back towards the backdoor as it slid open, a parade of tiny humans reemerging, followed by Connie and Javier.
“Hot food, coming through.” Javier warned, clicking his tongue against his teeth to get the girls to move faster. “Come on kiddos.” He shooed them out from under foot as he veered towards the kitchen counter and sat the two plates of grilled burgers down. “Ever try to keep three girls away from a grill?”
You pursed your lips thoughtfully as you turned to face him, tilting your head to the side. “I tried it once, which is why I sent them out to you.” You grinned at him.
“It’s fucking hard.” He chuckled before he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome.” You used the dish towel and swatted him in the ass with it. He caught you by the belt loop as you stepped past him, pulling you in for another kiss.
“Need any help?” Connie questioned as she cradled Sofía to her chest, looking between the two of you.
You shook your head, “You brought the potato salad and you’ve kept her occupied so I could get everything else ready.”
“Do you have ranch?” She questioned as she looked towards the bowl of salad, “It’s the only way we can get Olivia to even humor eating something green.”
Javier nodded, “Josie likes it on broccoli.” He stepped around you and pulled open the fridge to grab the bottle of ranch, as well as the other salad dressing options.
“How do you get her to eat raw broccoli?” Connie questioned. “It’s an uphill battle to get anything green into the girls.”
“Josie likes food.”
You rolled your eyes, “Josie will eat anything Javier asks her to eat.”
He shrugged, “It’s true.”
“I wish Steve had that effect on the girls.” Connie laughed softly, “He can get them to eat plenty of candy.”
You snorted. “He loves his Werthers.”
She widened her eyes dramatically, “I swear to God, every pocket is full of wrappers!”
Javier clicked his tongue against his teeth, “Should’ve done the patch, rather than going cold turkey.”
“That would make sense,” Connie made a face. “Oh well.” She bounced Sofía in her arms as she started to wake up, “Did you see California is set to ban smoking inside bars?”
“They’ll just ignore it,” You countered, grabbing a tray and putting the salad and the salad bowls on it. “But it’s progress.”
The three of you headed into the dining room, where Steve had managed to corral the girls into their chairs.
“I don’t want a burger, mommy.” Josie complained as Javier sat the plate of burgers down on the table.
“You’re not eating a burger, babydoll. You’re having a soy one with me.” You promised her, pointing to the second plate that contained two burgers that were considerably thinner than the actual hamburgers.
“I want chicken.”
“Princesa, you’re eating what we made for you.” Javier warned her, sitting down beside her, across the table from you.
“Do we have everything?”
“French fries?” Olivia questioned.
“Your mother made potato salad,” Steve told her, pointing to the Tupperware tub.
You sat down beside Connie, taking Sofía from her so you could get her settled into her highchair beside you. You used your fork to grab a potato out of the dish of potato salad, plopping it onto Sofía’s highchair tray. You smashed it up with the fork, “You wanna try a bit of potato?”
Sofía seemed skeptical. She reached down and squished the potato between her fingers.
You tapped your finger against your lips, “You eat it, sunshine.”
Sofía gurgled and threw herself back against her seat, smearing the potato all over her face.
“Close enough.” Javier chuckled, shaking his head as he slathered mayonnaise on a bun for Josie.
“More!” She urged, hanging on his arm.
“Josie.” You gave her a look across the table.
Sofía kicked her feet against the highchair as she leaned over and tried to reach the tub of potato salad that was well outside of her reach. “You like that?” You questioned, grabbing another potato and putting it on her tray, smashing it up for her again.
She dramatically hummed her delight.
“Look at that, she’s not always a grumpy baby.” Steve remarked with a short laugh. “I worried she was a carbon copy of her father.”
Javier glared at him, subtly flipping him off so Josie couldn’t catch him.
You worked on fixing your own burger, glancing around the table to make sure everyone had what they needed. You really hated playing host. An ideal situation was a box of pizza thrown in the center of the table for everyone to fend for themselves. But Steve and Connie were such gracious hosts, you felt like you had to do the same.
Javier had lived on grilled cheese, whiskey, and cigarettes for the majority of his bachelor years. He wasn’t one to complain. He wasn’t actually half bad in the kitchen when he put a little effort into it.
“How’s things at the hospital?” Javier questioned Connie in between bites of burger.
Connie grabbed her napkin and wiped her mouth off before answering, “Good. I’m not working as many double shifts as I was there for a while. I’ve actually had days off that felt like days off. No catching up on sleep.”
“With my transition out of the DEA, it’s been nice to have her around more.” Steve added. “Hun, did you tell her about that lady you’re working with?”
You arched a brow, looking at Connie expectantly.
“Oh! I totally forgot,” She laughed, taking a sip of water before she continued. “We’ve got a new medical social worker working on the floor that looks so much like you. I did a double take the first time I saw her. Do you have a secret younger sister?”
“Nope.” You shook your head, reaching for your bottle of beer and taking a swig. “Is my doppelgänger nice at least?”
“An absolute sweetheart.” Connie said with a grin, taking another bite of her burger before adding, “She’s actually from Medellín.”
Javier dropped his fork, causing it to clamp against his plate. You shot him a curious look, a brow arching upwards.
“Colombia?” He questioned, taking a drink of beer to keep from choking on the bite of burger he’d swallowed nearly whole.
“Is there another one?”
Steve cleared his throat, “You hadn’t mentioned she was from Colombia.” He looked between you and Javier with a knowing look.
“I believe she came here as a political refugee. I didn’t ask for specifics.” Connie shrugged, “Why?”
The look on Javier’s face made the lightbulb come on. Holy shit.
You leaned an elbow against the table, turning towards Connie. “Her name wouldn’t happen to be Elena, would it?”
Connie’s brows shot upwards, “Yeah! Wait — do you know her?”
“Some of us better than others.” Steve muttered under his breath, much to Javier’s horror.
“Yeah.” You nodded your head slowly, “She was great. I’m glad she’s gotten herself out of that situation.” You looked towards Javier then, smiling a little. “I guess that promise of safety had follow through.”
Javier rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, “I had no idea she was in Miami.”
“It’s fine, Javi.” You assured him, “It’s a small world.” You watched him as he nodded his head slowly, staring down at his plate of food. Of all the people that the two of you had known in Colombia — the sheer irony that Elena had made her way to Miami was… something else.
“I feel like I’m missing something.” Connie remarked, looking between the three of you curiously. “What am I missing?”
“Not in front of the kids.” Steve stated with a shake of his head.
“Daddy, you gotta eat your veggies.” Josie said sweetly, pushing the bowl of salad towards Javier. “Don’t you wanna be big and strong like me?”
“Of course I do, princesa.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“Javier, it’s fine.” You said firmly, shifting in your seat so you could brush your foot against his leg beneath the table. “Don’t get yourself bent out of shape over this.”
“I’m not getting ‘bent out of shape’.” He shot back, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stared at you. “I just can’t believe… of all the cities.”
“What am I missing?” Connie questioned, nudging you in the arm.
You sighed, chewing on the inside of your bottom lip. “Elena was one of Javi’s informants. When was that?” ‘89 to ‘92?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Steve agreed with you, pushing his potato salad around on his plate.
Javier was so tense you could see the corded muscles of his throat as he stared straight ahead at you.
“So she was an informant informant?” Connie questioned, brows furrowed as she looked towards you.
“Yeah.” You nodded, “And it’s not nearly as big of a deal as Javier is acting like it is.”
Javier raked his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily as he sank back in his chair. He scratched at his lightly scruffy jaw, not quite meeting your gaze as he looked across the table at you. “It’s a big deal to me.”
Connie looked between the two of you, “I really didn’t mean to start something.”
“You didn’t.” You assured her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Hey Javi, did you leave the grill on?”
He gritted his teeth together before he gave a stiff nod, scooting his chair back and getting up from the table.
“Daddy, where are you going?” Josie asked with her mouth full of her burger.
“Daddy left the grill on.” Javier offered, meeting your gaze as you got up from the table.
“Uh-oh!” Josie said with a sing-song voice, entirely oblivious to the situation.
“We’ll hold the fort down,” Steve promised you as you followed Javier through the kitchen and out the backdoor into the yard.
He walked a few paces ahead of you, before he stopped with his back to you. You considered staying rooted to the spot where you stood, but instead you moved towards him and curled your arms around his middle, resting your cheek against his back. “Javi,” You started, trying to keep your voice steady. “This is such a non-issue.”
“For you.” He retorted, resting his hands over yours. “I feel like every time we take one step forward, something happens that sets us back. Every fucking time, baby.”
“But it’s a non-issue,” You assured him, squeezing him a little tighter. “I liked Elena the handful of times we worked together. I’m thrilled that she’s thriving. Hell, I’m glad she’s here. Miami isn’t so bad.”
Javier turned in your embrace, his hands settling at your hips. “I didn’t know she was here.”
“I didn’t think you did.” You reached up and cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb over the rise of his cheekbone as you met his gaze. “Look, I know that’s a period of history you’re not particularly fond of, but… It doesn’t bother me. At all.” You tilted your head to the side, “I thought we were working past this.” You gestured between the two of you. “There’s no other shoe waiting to fall.”
His Adam’s bobbed as he looked down at you, “I just can’t fucking believe she’s in Miami.” He shook his head slowly. “Of all the goddamn places.”
“I think she had a cousin here.” You recalled, “Shit, that was a long time ago.”
Javier nodded his head in agreement, “Yeah.” He ran his hands over your hips slowly, “Last time I saw her was right after you told me…”
“Did you tell her?” Your brows furrowed.
“I did, yeah.” He recalled, “I mean she knew about you…”
“I know she did.” You reached you and played with the hair that sat against his forehead. “I thought you didn’t tell anyone.”
He shrugged a shoulder, “It slipped out. I figured it didn’t really matter that she knew. She was happy for us.”
You smiled fondly, “I think we should meet up with her.”
“What?”
“Catch up, see how she is…”
“Baby—“
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” You raised your eyebrows. “Hell, she might not even want to see either of us.” You shrugged your shoulders. “I just think it’s too ironic that she’s working at the same hospital as Connie.”
“I’m not going.”
“That’s fine, I’ll go then.” You rose up on your toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You need to stop worrying so much, Javi.” You brushed your nose against his as you raked your fingers through his hair at his temples. “I trust you.”
Javier curled his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him. “What’d I do to deserve you, baby?”
“Still trying to figure that one out.” You teased, kissing the tip of his nose. “Come on. Connie’s going to be stressing that she’s single-handedly destroyed our relationship if we don’t get back inside.”
“She was mortified.” He chuckled.
“Not nearly as much as you were.”
“I was praying for the earth to open up and swallow me whole.”
You rolled your eyes. “You felt that way in the sex sho—”
Javier cut you off, covering your mouth with his hand. “Don’t.” He warned you.
You poked him in the stomach and when he didn’t remove his hand, you swept your tongue over the palm of his hand. That worked. He quickly pulled his hand away, wiping his hand off on the front of his jeans.
“If you want to shut me up, you’re going to have to wait until we’re alone.” You told him, putting your hands on your hips, before walking backwards towards the back door. “But until then, we have guests to entertain.”
“It’s just Steve and Connie.” Javier followed after you, his arms crossed across his chest.
“Who are guests we’re entertaining.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “And you’re going to finish your food, otherwise Josie is going to believe she can skip dinner too.”
“Fine.” He huffed quietly, shaking his head as he slid the sliding door shut behind him. “But we’re dropping this conversation. I don’t wanna talk about an informant in front of the girls.”
You gave a mock salute, “Sure thing.”
Javier caught you by the belt loop, pulling you towards him. “I mean it.”
“I’m not going to bring it up again.” You promised, curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “As much as I love torturing you I’m not cruel, Javier.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Thank you.”
You smiled up at him, “No ‘thank yous’ needed, babe.” You took his hand into yours, interlacing your fingers as he headed back for the dining room. Steve and Connie had managed to keep the kids entertained in your absence.
“She’s had about a full little potato.” Connie told you as she gestured to Sofía, “I think most of it got into her mouth.”
“She gets really into her food.” You chuckled, releasing Javier’s hand as you both returned to your own seats.
“Where’d you go daddy?” Josie asked, tilting her head to the side as she licked the dressing off a piece of radish, only to dip it into her salad bowl again.
“Like I told you,” He reached over and smoothed his hand over the top of her head. “I left the grill on.”
Connie gave you a wary look as you picked up your burger and took a bite. “So…”
“Everything’s fine.” You assured her, looking towards Steve then, “So have you heard any rumors in the DEA about the article?”
“Oh, I have.” He pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek and shook his head. “I hope you don’t plan on looking for a job in the federal government.”
You feigned offense, “If I ever did, you’d know I had been abducted by aliens.” It was still bizarre to consider that you had spent so much of your early adulthood working towards a role in the very institution you wanted to pull down.
“Baby, you know I have a class of students that would love to see you teaching.” Javier pointed out, beaming with pride. “End of last semester, I had her come in and give a lecture for the department.”
You rolled your eyes, “It was a fifteen-minute talk.”
“With a forty-minute question and answer section.” Javier insisted, his eyes meeting yours with an adoration that warmed your heart.
“I would only disappoint them,” You licked a drop of mayonnaise off your thumb as you sat your soy burger back down. “They already think you’re a tyrant when it comes to papers and grading.”
Steve laughed, “Isn’t that because you do most of the marking for him.”
“And I go easy on them.” You grinned. “My teachers didn’t take any corners with me and I worked my ass off to get here.”
“I don’t know if I can picture you as a teacher,” Connie said, giving you a once over. “No, I can’t.”
“Thankfully,” Javier started with a teasing tone. “They’re college students and not children.”
“And what does that mean?” You questioned, looking in between the two of them. “I am a delight.”
“You certainly lectured us a lot. Back in the day.” Steve joined in.
“Was I wrong?”
“Rarely.” He agreed.
“Well, we can't all be Professor Peña, now can we?” You quipped, nudging Javier’s foot under the table.
He scratched at his jaw, shaking his head. “No, we can’t.”
“But I’m always interested in dropping in to torment you and Monica.”
“Do the other students know that you’ve all but adopted her?” Steve questioned.
You started to answer, but Olivia was quick to announce, “I’m adopted!”
Josie turned towards Javier, “Am I adopted?”
“No princesa, you weren’t adopted.” Javier assured her as she grabbed at his arm.
“Was sissy adopted?”
“No. Remember your mommy grew her in her belly?” Javier reminded her, giving Connie a sympathetic smile, before his eyes flickered towards your face. “Out of the mouths of babes.”
“Seriously.” You laughed as you shook your head, reaching for your beer. “To answer your question, no. They don’t know.”
“Trying to keep things unbiased.” Javier explained as he scooped Josie into his lap, much to her delight. “She actually earned herself a B- on a test this week she should’ve aced.”
“You didn’t tell me that.” You frowned. “Why?”
“Her attentions a little stretched right now.”
“Of course it is.” You rolled your eyes, “Oh to be young and in love.”
“Old and in love isn’t too bad, is it?” He countered with a wink.
You grinned, “It’s pretty good too.”
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Lair review for @fitzfr
You have a wonderful earth based clan! Your dragons are all so beautiful and well dressed! Some if not most have lore which I will read later when I have more time at my hands. What I read so far is fascinating! You gave me seven dergs to choose, bu it was difficult to narrow it down to actual seven lmao. I was a bit confused about your sales tab because most of the dragons in there have skins and/or familiars so I didn’t choose from them even though you have some beauties stored in there!
Okay, let’s start with:
1. Fitz I only now noticed that he is your namesake lmao. He is a seer who settled in your clan it says in his lore, waiting to see how this one prophecy will play out (what prophecy is it? what is it about?). I love seer characters. I don’t know why bu they always feel special and usually have an interesting story. I like his colors a lot! and his apparel looks good on him. I saw the kitty only on my third look at him tbh. I love how the jaguar gene makes it looks like dragons wear eyeliner. It suits him well!
2. Lonnie I said it in previous review posts and I’ll say it again: I love everything related to stars and space, including astronomers. Obsidian Skink/Spinner is a great color&gene combi, the slight hue of blue looks nice. The dark primary/secondary color makes the metal runes stand out. And again: I love how the runes gene makes the colors glow. I love that accent so much and it looks so great on her! You kept the apparel simply which works really good on her. Her lore is sad and full of angst. I hope that she will be happy at some point again!
More under the cut!
3. This unnamed Guy Look at this handsome goaler. His colors are beauiful and the gene combination looks so god on him! And that accent! Absoultely gorgeous. He looks like he serves in some old and forgotten temple, or guards a grave of a ruler whose name is long lost. I really dig his aesthetic! And the art in his bio is cute as hell!
4. Izar hoooooooooo boy this is such a beauty! Her colors are gorgeous as hell and woah the apparel you put on her really really flatter her overall design! I love the references for her human appearance you put into her bio, so pretty! I figured that she might be some sort of healer because of the herbal pouch and the book. Her lore is pretty angsty and I hope her future will be less painful!
5. Sappho Sappho was the og lesbian in ancient greece. Is this nocturne lady also a lesbian? I love her colors, the accent goes so well with it! I can’t stop looking at her rich colors! You chose the apparel well! The red and nightsky silks go well with her base colors, and the green of the cloak gives some contrast. She looks very powerful and regal, and very comfy in all those flowy fabrics. I wanna steal her outfit for myself.
6. Raddhi Raddhi is sch a beautiful name. It rolls smoothly over my tongue. Also I’m in love with his skin; This kind of deep, rich green is one of my favorite colors. He looks like a carving made of jade. The golden apparel looks good on him! Like Sappho he looks regal and powerful. What is his role in the clan? He could be part of some sort of ruling organ maybe? He certainly looks like an authority figure.
7. Arjun A fiery boy, both in element and character from what I gathered from his lore. His colors look great and the genes make him look like a flame in ashes. I like that the light halo makes the fire halo more glowy (and it somehow reminds me of carrot salad. What the fuck brain). We’re bad eyesight buddies! It’s sad that he feels self conscious about his eye sight tho.
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Salt of the Sun
I enjoy guns and wearing makeup. Not necessarily at the same time, but why not go to the shooting range with a little lipstick? I like cooking for my friends, the kitchen is my temple. I enjoy watching the Bruins kick ass in hockey. Go Bruins!
The reason I like the term queer is because it fits me to a tee.
I am anatomically a 24-year-old, adult woman. Being queer does not make one a hermaphrodite. We seem to get this whole physical anatomy versus sexual expression versus sexual preference thing all mixed up. Any intelligent citizen can tell you're they're three different things entirely. But they're also mysteriously connected like a Chinese foreign investor and the Greek national debt are all tied up in your junk bond mortgage. Like a hot mess. That's what makes you interesting, even if we all seem incomprehensible at first.
I just don’t identify with stereotypically female or male characteristics. Take the blue and pink salad spinners, for example. His and Hers. His salad and her salad. Spin your salad blue for boys, spin your salad pink for girls. What the hell difference does it make? Whatever pesticides aren’t washed off the lettuce are going to give you cancer anyways, no matter what your gender is.
Sometimes guys think I'm anatomically a boy. I have my hair cut real short and sometimes I don't wear makeup when I don't feel like it. I'm only five foot eight and rather flat-chested, but I've got a nice ass, so it's really a toss-up. On that note, I went to the beach last week sans maquillage. In my zone, reading Camus on the coast of Maine outside of Portland, watching the Canadians migrate to their favorite Summer swimhole and listening to them speak French... this is my element. A little girl was afraid to go into the water and a man, probably her Dad, dunked her under the water real fast and rose her up like she was baby Simba, except this girl was screaming and crying that she wanna go back, wanna go back, wanna go back to Mommy. Sometimes Fathers don't realize how the early trauma they put their kids through can really fuck them up. My Father used to wrestle with me as a kid, playfully at first, but one day he pinned me down, my little arms and legs squished under his huge gut. He wouldn't let me get up until I pretended to stop breathing. Ever since then, I hate being under someone else, sexually or otherwise. Then I really start to freak out and have to explain the whole story. Most people are understanding of this kind of trauma, or at least they pretend to be understanding. Sometimes they never call or text me back, but that could be for other reasons.
My book down in front of my face and my eyelids getting rather heavy, I lie down on my stomach and close my eyes behind sepia-tinted sunglasses. For a few minutes I feel the breeze lap the back of my neck and the sun really going at it on my upper thighs, those pesky pale things. I'm wearing a blue tank-top, I burned my back a few days ago so it was still a little sensitive. With my eyes closed I drift off into a land where there are just orange auras moving around real lazily, like globes of energy, slow dancing to "Wonderwall" at a high school dance. The auras would sometimes blend into each other and become brighter, and then move apart. It was beautiful. I wasn't really there, but I was everywhere at the same time, just kind of floating amidst and above them. Then I feel a pungent garlic breath punch my face.
I open my eyes and get up on my elbow real fast, adjusting my eyes to the light. A man comes into focus, also lying down on the beach, his skin like a leathery, orange handbag and his face shiny with too much sun lotion. He wasn't that old, maybe mid 50's, but he looked like a beach addict, a real beach bum. His curly salt-and-pepper hair looked well-washed at least, and his arms were big like tree limbs and rather endearing.
"Hey man," he says, exposing some bleached, glow-in-the-dark white teeth, and continues, "What are you reading?"
"Well I wasn't reading, I was asleep... but anyways, I've been reading Camus."
"Came us!" He says, picking up the book and nodding his head over and over again, "I've heard of him, he's like a French revolutionary or something?"
"Not exactly, I mean he's pretty recent, like 1960's I think he died? Anyways some of his ideas were pretty revolutionary I guess you could say."
"Ok," He says, sitting up straight and side-glancing a few times over at my ass. An awkward pause of silence interrupts us, then a bee comes over and hovers above my side. I try to brush it away.
"Be careful not to hurt it!" He shouts, brushing my thigh with his surprisingly soft fingers, "Bees are our friends, we need them to pollinate all the flowers along the beach and give life to this otherwise dead world. They give life to the flowers, the flowers make fruit, we eat the fruit. But those damn cell phone towers are killing them off all over the place! I’m gonna take my hatchet and cut em down.”
“I don’t know if you can cut through steel cell phone towers, they look like pretty sturdy structures. Anyways last I heard it was farmers spraying their crops with nasty chemicals was the thing that’s done the bees in.”
He just leers at me for a moment and replies, “I remember the day those towers went up and things started to change. Let’s just knock one down and see what happens. You look like a pretty strong boy, you could help me pull it down.” He grabs my though and gives a strong squeeze.
Strong boy? True I’m strong, I always alternate between the shooting range and going to the gym every alternate day. That way I’ve got a sharp eye when I have a rifle, and I can wrestle when I need to.
“I’m not a...” I rethink my words, not wanting to explain what queer is, “not as strong as you think.”
“Well we could find out.” He looks over to the bushes at the edge of the beach. There’s nobody around but us, we’re at a No Swim section of the beach and all the respectful Canadians are down further at the lifeguarded section.
“Huh..? What do you...” I say as he squeezes my thigh again. I hate when random guys touch me like they’re testing the ripeness of an avocado.
“You play football? What grade are you in?”
“Eleventh. No, track and field,” I lie.
“Oh a junior, that‘s a good year. A rough one, but good. You’re in your prime.” He winks a nasty, long wink. There’s sand in his eyelashes. Then stands up and reaches for my hand. “Come on, let me show you something. Want to go see in the bushes?”
“Ok.”
We walk over, my hand in his big, soft one.
When we get to the bushes he says, “Now I want to show you something, but you don’t have to do anything. Just sit there.” He immediately pulls down his speedo to reveal a hard, veiny dick. He starts touching himself and making low, guttural noises, almost pig-like. His face was turning bright red. With all that orange skin, it was like watching a giant red pimple appearing on the skin of a grapefruit.
Then he starts touching my hair, and that sets me off. Up until this point, he was just putting on a show. It all seemed harmless, maybe to just show off his manhood in a softcore kind of way. To show who is the alpha male to the beta male.
I want to punch him in the groin, but I resist.
Instead, I take him in my mouth for two seconds, and he screams with surprise and pleasure. The thing smells fishy, combined with the burnt smell of sun lotion spread over the flesh of his lower abdomen. It immediately repulsed me almost to the point of gagging.
Then I bite, hard. Like an enchanted apple, though I’m the enchantress. And the apple is now forever cursed.
He lets out a beast-like yelp, and pushes against the sides of my head. It felt like my eyes would pop out the front of my face like a Looney Tunes character upon discovering that their tail is on fire. I stand up and run real fast until I feel it’s safe to. Then I turn around and see the dude doubled over on the ground, it looks like he’s crying.
I realize there’s something salty tasting in my mouth. I spit. Blood-tinted saliva. I spit until I can’t spit anymore and I run to the ocean and start throwing massive amounts of salty ocean water in my mouth to rinse.
Then I look back again. The man is still doubled-over, writhing in pain. I think he’s even sobbing. I gather my things and put them in my backpack and attach my bicycle helmet to my head. As I walk away towards where I locked my bike, an idea strikes me.
I run back real stealthily to where the man in sobbing and yell, “Hey bee fucker! You wanna try this?” And I pull down my bikini bottom, exposing my female anatomy. I shaved it that morning, so it is literally here in broad daylight.
He looks over at me and just stares, tears coming down his face. “You could have said,” he begins to say, and repeats, “could have...”. Then he starts to laugh. It sounded at first like a nervous laugh, the kind of slow, forced laugh when you’re not sure if someone is going to hurt you. Then it continued and became louder, and louder, and he gasps for air in between each one. Maniacal. Like he will never stop.
I yell back, “Could have said what?”
Suddenly he stops laughing, and says dryly, “No.”
I gulp what feels like a golf ball in my throat and turn the other way very delicately, and then start to walk fast. Like a suburban mom in the morning, but faster. When I get to my bike, I look back towards the bushes and don’t see the man anymore.
Maybe he rolled down into the ocean waves like a beached whale trying to return to wherever he came from?
On my bike, I feel free again. On my bike, I am invincible.
On my bike, I am alone.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/631bb0598f47c8984fbf2879bb90c4d6/tumblr_inline_oobw1c87Ke1ra4jca_640.jpg)
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6779ec5868bf2b8f88f6445c613c763e/1a0a8be36c00b84c-81/s540x810/82ccb426a2ec6bc2dd9b876b09f3d09747b8ed35.jpg)
Hey girlies guess what i finalky found the balls and motivation to make a spooky month oc at last :D
#spooky month#spooky month oc#gay gay homosexual gay#Emo ass mfer#i wanna put her in a salad spinner#Lil silly gal#art#artists on tumblr#oc
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