#i wanna keep my negativity separate this time around. this space is gonna be for everything else.

[faceless-sunflower]

Thought I'd do something new, even if it's just for a little bit. Hello!

(Adult, they/he, happy to try out other nouns but not confident with neopronouns (/grammar and habit issues). Would like to mind my business a little more than shove my nose into other people's.)

[rawdogmeharry]

will you write something about reader and harry having a 12 year age gap, but fans and everyone are really supportive of their healthy relationship? like they’re so in love. lots of fluff and maybe a tinge of smut? 🥺 love your writing 🥺🥰

old man

or, the one where Harry’s family loves Y/N and he loves her even more.

]part 2: old bones]

sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy babe <3 and thank you very much, that’s lovely to hear!!

requests go here:)

masterlist

•

“What d‘ya say, baby, red or white wine?“ Harry ponders, leaning one hip against the kitchen counter and holding up the two dark glass bottles in his hands, showing them to Y/N.

“I dunno, I‘d say red but Anne‘s not really a fan of it, so let‘s just take the white,“ she shrugs her shoulders, little animated hearts dancing around in her eyes from watching Harry look so fucking effortlesly hot for no damn reason. His sheer button-up that shows his vast collection of body ink and the way his black jeans fit snugly on his juicy thighs are the reasons her panties are drenched inside out.

Little does she know, he‘s thinking the exact same thing.

She stands in the kitchen doorway, dressed in a tight, sand colored turtleneck, black bell bottomed pants and the pointed-toe nude Louboutin heels Harry had gotten her for her last birthday, looking like Harry‘s next meal. All he wants to do, is take those pants, shove them down to her thighs, bend her over their glass dining table and bury his face in her cunt and ass.

But, they‘ve got places to be and people to see at the Styles-Twist family gathering.

Dead puppies, grandma boobs, cow udders is all that circles his head because nothing else can bring his boner down.

“Hey, where‘d you go?“ Y/N waves her hand in his face, seeing his spaced out face and eyes weirdly zoned in on her tits.

“Huh?“

“Y‘zoned out on me, Har, y‘okay?“ she slowly walks towards him with her brows furrowed, her heels making a really satisfying noise on the gray kitchen tiles.

“Oh, yeah, ‘m fine, kitty, just thinking ‘bout how pretty y‘are,“ he grins and tugs her in close by her love handles, then gradually migrates his hands down to her ass and gives it a firm squeeze once she‘s fully enclosed in his arms. And about how hard I want to fuck you, you fucking Goddess, he thinks to himself.

“Let‘s go then, bub, don‘ wanna be late. Been a while since we last saw your mum, I‘ve missed her,“ she smiles up at him. “And, wanna get home as soon as possible as well, also been a while since we used those handcuffs, huh?“

Harry watches as she bites her bottom lip and feels her dainty hands stroking up and down his back, and just as he‘s about to ram her against the wall to spank her and remind her how daddy doesn‘t like to be teased like that, she quickly slips out of his embrace and spanks his firm bum, telling him “let‘s go, Har“ and giving him a pointed look as if to silently tell him that she knows exactly what he‘s thinking.

‘‘‘

“Oh, yeah, since ‘m on winter break right now, me ‘n Harry started re-watching Friends, but my old man can barely keep his eyes open past 11, so it‘s been goin‘ really slowly,“ Y/N giggles, and that‘s the only part of the conversation Harry hears as he‘s approaching his lovie and Gemma, the two of them talking alone on the outside bench of Anne‘s back garden.

He feels finally free after hearing his uncle talk about the new corn he‘s been growing and how the high fiber content has really helped with his digestion for the past half an hour, and all he wants to do is throw Y/N over his shoulder, go home and fuck the ever living shit out of her. Maybe they won‘t even make it inside the house, he thinks, maybe he‘ll just take her in the car in the driveway.

“Hey, is the old man you‘re talkin‘ about supposed to be me?“ he pretends to be offended with raised brows and mouth open in mock offense, throwing his arm around his lovie‘s shoulders and leaning against the side of the bench in a hunched over sitting position with his bum right at the edge.

“Well, I don‘ really have any other old men watchin‘ Friends with me,“ she shrugs, her eyes regaining the light they get whenever Harry‘s around.

“Better not,“ he says in a stern tone, expression softening once again as he feels her hand on his thigh, rubbing softly in reassurance.

Then, he hears someone else giggle beside his baby, completely forgetting that Gemma‘s been sitting beside Y/N, because all he sees, knows and breathes is Y/N.

“You guys are so cute,“ Gemma giggles again and Harry notices just how tipsy his sister is from the sparkly look in her eyes, no doubt from the delicious wine set out on Anne‘s kitchen island. “Can I tell you a secret?“

“Go ‘head, Gem,“ he chuckles, brushing his fingers through lovie‘s soft hair, “jus‘ don‘ be mad at me if y‘gonna be embarassed by it for the rest of y‘life.“

“Oh, shut up,“ Gemma rolls her eyes, “I may be drunk, but ‘m not stupid, it‘s nothin‘ embarassing. Jus‘ wanted to tell you both how glad I am you two ended up together.“

“We‘re glad too, Gem, thank you,“ Y/N smiles at her, a fond look taking over her face from the realisation at how lucky she got with her sister-in-law. Or actually, Harry‘s whole family, really, and she feels beyond grateful for how accepted and loved she feels in it.

“No, like, ‘m sayin‘ just-just how grateful I am my brother ended up with someone so amazing, so understanding and just—overall such a great person. Really, at first, me ‘n mum were a bit skeptical because of—you know—the pretty big twelve year age difference and all, and Y/N bein‘ only eighteen when y‘met. But over time when we got to know you, you‘re mature beyond your years and I wouldn‘t wish Harry any other person. ‘M really glad that all the negative comments, looks and hate y‘both got at the start of your relationship didn‘t break you up or put any tiffs between you. Y‘gained the fans‘ trust, didn‘t let them overwhelm you. Just proves that no hardships can separate you‘s, you‘re meant to be.“

And Y/N‘s got tears in her eyes at the end of Gemma‘s mini speech, because she couldn‘t imagine hearing nicer words from her boyfriends family. If everyone genuinely thinks all of this about her, she‘s quite literally the luckiest person in the world.

Harry watches as Y/N doesn‘t hesitate to give Gemma a big, fat hug once she‘s done talking and all he thinks is how right Gemma is.

How right she is by saying that Y/N is the most fucking amazing thing to ever happen to him, how nothing can separate them and how they‘re meant to be. That‘s all  Harry thinks about all day every day, and to think that his sister and probably the rest of his family have the same outlook on their relationship is like putting in the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Y/N pulls away from the hug and subtly wipes at her undereyes, “thank you, Gem. I just-I don‘ really know what else t‘say except thank y‘so much.“

“No, but seriously,“ Gemma grins at the next part she‘s about to say, “jus‘ the other day me and mum were talkin‘ about the adorable little buggers you‘d make with your good genes and all an-“

“Okay, Gem,“ Harry chuckles and takes the almost empty wine glass from her hand, “thank y‘for the kind words, but tha‘s all for tonight, I think.“

Gemma pouts, “hey, why‘d y‘take my wine?“

“C‘mon, let‘s go find Michal, he‘ll know what t‘do with ya,“ Harry smiles at his sister and helps her up from the bench and watches as she uncoordinately trots towards the door, heading inside of the warm house where the rest of his family are chatting away amongst eachother.

He stays behind and quickly leans down to whisper in Y/N‘s ear, gripping her thighs in both of his hands, “bathroom upstairs. In five minutes. Daddy doesn‘t like to wait.“ And walks away, catching up to his sister and leads her away to her boyfriend. He wants her, and he wants her now, because he physically cannot contain all of the love and absolute appreciation he has for her inside of him any longer.

Y/N just sits there with clenched thighs and an irregularly beating heart.

‘‘‘

“Fuck,“ Harry pants against his lovie‘s neck, keeping her hands pinned to the wall above her head by her wrists, “how are you this fucking beautiful, huh?“

“Fuck, please do something, Har,“ she mewls into his ear, desperately wanting to grind against something and longing to feel his cock lodged deep into her pussy.

“That‘s not my name,“ Harry growls and grips her wrists tighter.

“Daddy. Daddy, please fuck me, just-please, do something.“

“God, bunny, y‘drivin‘ me crazy. Can‘t fuck you here, don‘t want m‘family t‘hear you screamin‘ fo‘ daddy to fuck y‘ass harder. Gonna make it home, first. Or halfway.“ He grinds against one of her thighs and his cock is leaking so much precome he‘s sure there‘s gonna be a wet stain on his dark jeans once they get out of this Goddamn bathroom.

“Just stop talking, Daddy,“ she pants out, not really caring for the consequences of talking back to daddy at this exact moment and slots her lips to his own, immediately sucking his tongue into her mouth.

And Harry thinks he‘s gonna let her off for this one, because they both need it so much that the bloody rules daddy made can fuck right off through the window.

He moans into her mouth and takes his tongue out of it, quickly pulling back and looking into her eyes, “put your hand into your panties and feel how wet y‘are for me.“ And let‘s go of her wrists.

She does as she‘s told, feeling so fucking thankful for the small amount of friction she gets from her fingers quickly brushing on her clit as she passes it to her weeping hole and rubs her her pointer finger at the entrance of it.

Taking her hand out of her pants, she shows Harry her shiny, slick fingers coated in her juices.

“Suck on them like you‘d suck my cock.“ He rasps out with his hands put on either side of her head.

She takes them into her mouth and moans at her own mouth-watering taste, sucking her fingers to the back of her throat and gagging on them like she‘d gag on Harry‘s cock.

Harry moans out from the filthy sight and locks their lips together for a final time, “five minutes to say goodbye t‘everyone and then I want y‘in the front seat of m‘car with your pants in the back.“

[neocatharsis]

Ten on his new Represent capsule, grappling with creativity, and evading genre lines.

As Ten Lee - a vocalist and dancer in K-pop groups NCT (with whom he debuted in 2016) and Super M, and Chinese group WayV - is musing over his proclivity for partnering music or visual styles in a way that others deem strange, he veers off on a tangent. “Anything can be matched… except juice and coffee,” he says, suddenly. “Those two should never be.” Ten is infamously anti-fruit. It stems from a mistaken process of association in childhood where “I had the image of a spider and the image of fruit mixed up,” he laughs awkwardly, “so now whenever I put fruit in my mouth, I think there’s spiders in my mouth.”

Random abstractions such as this pepper his rapid-fire conversation, like small fireworks fizzing through the dark. Excitable, enthused and sharply alert, if Ten’s energy was visible it would be a shimmering mantle of gold and silver dust. As a dancer, he moves with a sinuous, controlled power that can shift from elegant to explosive on a single beat. As a visual artist, the Bangkok-born, multilingual 25-year-old recently added the title of designer to his growing list of achievements, launching an already sold out collaboration with the bespoke merch platform Represent.

Aptly, he named his collaboration “What is ??? THE ANSWERS”, for although being a chameleonic artist is one of Ten’s greatest strengths, the personality traits that enable this created within him question marks around how he saw himself fitting into the world. “People ask me, ‘What kind of music do you like?’ And I say, ‘I like R&B but hope it sounds rock’. And they’re like, ‘That doesn’t make sense’.” It was troubling to Ten that people began telling him who he was and how he should be, instead of accepting him as is.

In a recent Instagram Live, the myriad of Ten’s contrasts tumble forthwith. He’s the doting cat-dad. His inner emo, who loves rock music, shows off dried roses, with the stern, black, geometric lines of the large tattoo on his inner right arm sometimes visible. But he’s also delicate in a way, with his butterfly tattoo and hair lightly permed, who names daisies as his other favourite flower, and plays Fousheé’s breathy TikTok hit, 'Deep End'.

“Have you seen the image where I have my name in a cross in lots of different languages?” He pulls the image up on his phone. The design sits on his Represent long sleeve tee. “I was thinking [about this], like, what you’re saying... Ten has this luvvie flower side and a very ‘rawwrr!’ side. I’m always like, ‘Ten, what kind of person are you?’ I do ask myself that, too, because everything I like is so different [to the other].” He could have conceded, and reined himself in. He’s pushed back instead. “I thought, ‘I can be anything I want, I can be this in the morning and this at night. I can be any person I want to be’. And that’s what makes me comfortable and happy.”

On his Instagram, Polaroids feature scrawled messages, like “Don’t tell me what to do!” and “Whatever! I’ll do it my way”. The designs of his collaboration seek to challenge being boxed in by other people’s standards, thus limiting ourselves. The recurring symbol of a cross tipped with arrows is a nod to the Chinese letter for 10, but doubles as a plus sign. He’s added it to his Instagram, writing “TEN_+•10” in his bio. “A plus sign can mean that you’re adding on and growing.” He points to another version of the arrow-cross, one with short diagonal dashes between its points that symbolise light. It means, he says, “that I’m radiating. I’m burning, I’m active, I’m doubling myself.” He touches his forearm, where crowning his geometric tattoo is a blazing sun. “I have this, like, if you want to be the light, you have to burn. I relate to that.”

This isn’t to say Ten’s self-exploration is complete. While celebrating his strengths, the artwork also portrays parts of himself not yet conquered. He admits to being a chronic overthinker: “Even very small things that happen to me, I rethink a thousand times, and I get stressed out because of the things I do. Like, the main theme [here] is me overthinking but trying to find an answer even though it doesn’t have any answer.” Fittingly, spiral shapes dominate his designs, looming large amongst bright, bold shapes that evoke 80s Pop Art and graffiti, though Ten shies away from defining himself as “fully an artist, I’m not in the position to say things like that yet.”

“I’m still learning and trying new things. You learn by getting different elements from different people and I’m in that stage now.” He enjoys wandering the infinite halls of Instagram and Pinterest where he screenshots art that he likes, lost in the images, often for hours. He explains that he’s mostly influenced by whatever his current visual obsession is. “I’m interested in tattoos lately so my paintings look like tattoo designs. I’m that person who, when they see stuff, it goes into my brain and instantly comes out from my hands,” he laughs.

Ten’s introduction to art and design was through his mother, who believed music, art and sport were more important in a child’s development than traditional academia. “She didn’t care if I got an A* or not, just don’t get an F or a D,” he grins. Like any kid forced to do something, Ten railed against spending his weekends at art school. He attended but he didn’t draw. He befriended his teacher and other pupils and, as they worked, he chatted. “I was a very talkative kid! When I came to SM Entertainment (in 2013), I had a lot of my own time because my parents were in Thailand and I was alone. I had to absorb all the new culture and adapt to a new environment.’” When he felt surrounded by “negative energy”, he began drawing, enamoured with the space and freedom it offered because in art, as he often says, “there’s no right answer.”

There is, however, sometimes a middle ground. His goal was to make the Represent collection accessible to his diverse fanbase. “I wanted to make things that people can easily wear because it was my first project to make something with clothes and it’s a collab. If you go too far out, no one will get it. If you go too far back, people won’t reach for it. So finding the middle ground is important but that’s the hardest thing to do. If it’s my own project, I’ll be like, ‘I’m the president of this brand, I’m gonna make all the weird clothes that I can imagine!’”

He sought second opinions to ensure his designs landed the way he hoped. “I have a lot of good friends around me - my choreographer, (SHINee and Super M member) Taemin hyung, my manager. I randomly ask people I’m comfortable with and have known for a long time, like Mark (Lee, of NCT and Super M). Mark has the same kind of perspective as me, but I’m a person who is arrghhh!” He waves his hands in the air. “And he’s very calm. I need a person who is opposite of me because when I’m in a mood, I talk nonsense - ‘I wanna do this, I wanna do that, I wanna make this!’ - and Mark’s like,’Bro, calm down’,” he says in a rather uncanny impression of the Canadian-Korean.

Ten works fast when he’s drawing. He has to. He describes his personality as someone who can't wait until the next day to do something. “I’m very impatient,” he smiles. “If I’m going to paint or draw, I’m going to finish it in, like, two hours. I can’t sit down for three hours.” When inspiration hits him, it’s off the back of deep contemplation, sometimes about the mundane - “Like, why do the cats come to me when they’re hungry only? Is it selfish or instinct? - at other times, something affecting him emotionally.

But whereas his job as a singer and dancer sees him project his energy outwards, art offers the opposite. He’s often alone in his room when he works. As is for many artists, the right mood is fundamental. “When I’m in a good mood, I can’t draw,” he half-sighs. It’s also a multi-sensory process. “Smell or the temperature of the room, that really helps me draw. I light three or four candles. And when I draw, it’s kind of heavy, the feeling,” he explains. “It feels like you’re sinking into something, into yourself, and everything seems so small. Everything narrows down into me, my pencil, the paper.”

The more work he does in different creative mediums, the less Ten’s desire is to keep them separate. His art, dance and music influence each other, whether it’s customising his own collaboration pieces, a choreography video in an art gallery or dancing underwater with a film crew. When someone tells him that something won’t work or match up well, he refuses to let the idea go until he’s attempted it.

“I’ve had that since I was young. I think everything is possible. If you don’t try, you don’t know. When people say it’s impossible, like dancing in water for three minutes, I’m like, then let’s make it possible. You don’t need to walk a straight line [in life], you can walk this way,” Ten says, pointing along an invisible line before switching sharply in direction. “Then go back on track, go that way, come back. No one should tell you to walk in a line, I don’t see the point of that.”

© Clash Magazine

[danniburgh]

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 15

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +4.1k

Chapter warnings: smut! unprotected sex (p in v), some rough touches, javi being soft and... secrets???

A/N: This chapter is set between season three, episode seven and eight. // yet another long one with plot but we have love!!!! keep bracing yourselves, next part is gonna be HEAVY

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

←previous // next→

gif: @bestintheparsec

After you landed in Bogotá you and Javier hopped into his suv without even saying a word to Feistl and Van Ness.

You knew he was as or more exhausted as you but he still drove all the way to your building with a blank expression; you drifted off again in the passenger’s seat and when he pulled over he grabbed your hand to wake you up.

When you opened your eyes he pulled your hand to him and grabbed you by the nape of your neck, you whined out in surprise as he smashed his lips on yours. His mouth moved hungrily, his tongue invaded your mouth without your permission, you tried to keep up at the same time your body was waking up completely. You pushed him away by the chest when he bit your lip way harder than you would have liked.

“What’s going on?” you asked him, his face quirked in frustration, his brow furrowed, his eyes darkened by something else than just lust.

“Just let me touch you” he whispered and threw himself to you, his hand landed on your hip and the other on your breast, tugging hard through the shirt you were wearing, his shirt. You smacked his hand away again.

“Javier, stop!” he separated himself from you “I like things rough, I really do, but this is angry and I need to know what’s going on inside here” you raised your hand to his temple.

“Please, just let– just let me touch you” his voice was thinner than a thread, you cupped his face and he leaned into your hands, he looked incredibly tired, frustrated and angry, he grabbed your wrists and brushed a finger against the back of your hand, closing his eyes. You knew he was furious about what happened in Cali, you could see it in his body language, and the way he didn’t talk to anyone on the way back, not even with you, you could see it in the way he was forcing himself to move without breaking something or punching someone, he was just seeking physical contact, you knew that, that was something you had learned about him in the very short time you had been… whatever you were, he was a very touchy person, so it was logical that he wanted to touch you after feeling incredibly negative emotions about something going wrong at work, and then you wondered if that was why he was always going to brothels, just to fuck the negative feelings off. 

You moved your hands from his face to his neck and pulled him to you over the console in the middle, he let out a big sigh and dropped his hands to your waist and pulled you to him, clenching you in his embrace. You felt Javier hiding his face in the crook of your neck and you just held him, you moved one of your hands to his hair, waiting until he wanted to let go, just realizing your headache had disappeared.

Javier felt the fog inside his head clear slowly, he stopped thinking about everything that had gone wrong in the last ten hours and started thinking about when was the last time he had been held like that before you, thinking how good it felt to get drunk in someone else’s scent, to get drunk in your scent. After he relaxed his body he still cling to yours, loving the contact way too much to let go. He allowed himself to think more about you, to think on how fast you had become something… else, someone important, someone that felt real, someone safe, who he could really be himself with, he smiled slightly when he realized the amount of intimacy that was in the embrace you were entangled in, he wouldn’t rather have that with anybody else.

“Do you feel better?” you whispered to him when he started moving his hands through your back “you wanna talk about it or do you want something else?”

“I want to be inside you” he murmured against the skin of your neck.

“I’m pretty sure that can be arranged” you tugged his hair slightly and felt his smile on your skin.

Less than three minutes later you were opening your apartment’s door with Javier’s mouth nibbling on your neck and his arms wrapped around your waist. His touch wasn’t hurried like the kiss he had given you earlier, his kisses were now patient, slow and wet, waiting for you to open the door.

Once you did he walked you inside and he even took the time to appreciate your space and give you a small smile when you turned around in the embrace to face him.

“See why I like yours better?” you whispered before he could close the distance between your mouths, curling your arms around his neck.

“Your’s cozier” he mumbled, ripping a smile out of you then kissing it.

He pulled you impossibly closer to him, your chest was on his and his hip brushed your body, you could feel his bulge getting harder through the fabric of his jeans and your pants. You walked backwards towards the living room without breaking the kiss, his lips were taking your breath away and giving it back slowly, you could feel the warmness of his hands squeezing ever so slightly your waist and you thought you couldn’t get more wet.

You bit his lip softly and he let out a groan that made your legs feel like they were made of clay. Javier broke the kiss and snaked one hand through your body to cup your jaw. His gaze was pinned to yours and you let out a sigh when you noticed his pupils incredibly dilated, making his gorgeous brown eyes look black. His lips moved as if he was about to say something but was hesitating to, you saw his eyebrows relax and gave him a soft smile. You wanted to think that you knew what he was about to say and at the same time you were telling yourself that you didn’t. Even if you were reading it in his face, you lied to yourself that he wasn’t telling you anything.

Javier was sure you could read his expression and again, as he did everytime he got to be alone with you, he was counting on it. He had no words, he was bad with them in situations like those, so he was really trusting that you could read in his adoring gaze what he was feeling in the moment.

Your breath hitched and for a moment your instinct told you to run the hell away, but he kissed you again and you hated him for making you forget everything about everything. Even about yourself.

He tugged at your/his shirt and started unbuttoning it.

“Please wear my clothes everyday” he muttered against your lips, making you giggle.

“I could but they look better on you” you whispered back as he opened the garment that had quickly become one of your favorites of his, and slid it off your shoulders. His lips traced kisses from your mouth to your jaw and then to your neck, you tilted your head to the side to give him access to it and sighed when he gently bit the skin between your neck and your shoulder. His hands were roaming freely through your back and his fingers swiftly unhooked your bra, you took it off and moved to unbutton his shirt while one of his hands cupped your breast and his thumb played with your nipple. He was still attacking the skin of your neck and drawing out moans from your throat when you forced his hands away from your body to take his shirt off, he obliged and took a step back to strip off of it, letting out a groan at the brief loose of contact, you stood there for a moment, admiring his naked torso, your sight was blurred with desire for him but before he could grasp you and kiss you again you grabbed his hand and guided him to your room with a smirk adorning your face.

Javier stood in front of you and cupped your face in both hands to steal your breath away once again, your hands slid from his chest to his waist to unbuckle his belt and work on getting him out of his insultingly tight jeans. He shivered under your touch once your hand got inside his pants and you brushed his erection with your fingers painfully gently while the other played with the hem of his pants.

“Take this off, please” you whispered, without a word he obeyed and pulled them down along with his briefs to his ankles, stepping out of them and forgetting the garment on one of the corners of your bedroom.

You didn’t hesitate to follow, you smiled to yourself when you remembered you hadn’t had the chance to change out of your clothes since the night you slept with him for the first time and that somehow turned you on even more.

Javier was pumping himself while taking the sight of you stripping out of your clothes and shoes, you bit your lower lip at him and without a second's notice, his lips were flush against yours once more, his hands, hot and heavy, wrapped themselves on your waist, you turned him around and walked towards the bed. Your palms rested on his chest and once you knew the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress you pushed him delicately and made him sit in front of you.

He immediately buried his face on your chest and started leaving soft wet kisses on your skin, his saliva felt incredibly hot on you and you sighed when his mouth got hold of one of your nipples.

You straddled him, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting your hands play with his hair and burrow themselves in the short brown curls.

Javier moved from one breast to the other, his arms trapping you against him, you let out a gasp when he gently tugged your nipple with his teeth.

You could feel his hands exploring the skin of your back, sending shivers down your spine, you tugged softly the hair of his nape to make him look at you and you kissed the bridge of his nose, he smiled at you and you slid your hand to brush the wrinkles in the corner of his eye with your thumb.

“You’re really pretty” you whispered, moving your hips to the front so your core grazed slowly against his erection, he closed his eyes and moaned out loud.

He had never been called pretty before without any other adjective after it, and he felt quite surprised at himself because he liked it. Javier didn’t consider himself as a conventionally handsome man, he knew he had an appeal, he had worked on his flirt game for years until almost perfect it, he knew what he could offer and he knew what he could do to somebody, but the idea of him being perceived as other than handsome or hot never crossed his mind. Yet, hearing it in your voice, he settled in the fact that he didn’t want any other person to call him like that but you. There were a lot of things he only wanted to happen with you. And the sudden realization that you, somehow, even with the little time you’ve known each other, knew exactly how to love him, hit him like a scorching wave of hot air.

One of his hands left your back and got between your bodies to align himself up to you, there would be another time to play more and to get to know your body in other ways than just burying himself inside you, but in that moment he needed to feel you clench around him, he needed to anchor himself to you and you only. You felt him throb as he looked at you and rubbed the tip through your wet folds; you sighed in anticipation and patiently waited for him to slide inside you. He filled you slowly, you could feel the way he was stretching you as you sank into him, his eyes not leaving yours and his free hand covering your upper back to hold you close to him.

“Perfect” he mumbled against you, resting his forehead against yours as his now freed hand snaked to your shoulders and placed itself on your nape, you felt a familiar sting in your throat at his praise, you wanted to tell him you weren’t at all perfect. And again, in that moment, with him inside of you and making you feel fuller than ever, with his large hands cherishing as much of your skin as they could reach, with his smoky breath mixing with yours and his tired eyes taking you in, there wasn’t another thing you wanted more than to tell him the truth.

You started rolling your hips slowly and almost absentmindedly, Javier let out a sigh and closed his eyes, letting you take control of him again, he tightened his embrace and you could feel the thin layer of sweat that made his chest glisten under the daylight that came in through your bedroom window.

He kissed you, his plush lips moved softly on yours, you let his tongue enter and roam around your mouth as one of his hands traveled down to your hip and gripped your flesh lightly to guide your movements. His kiss was making you forget every thought you had inside your head, the way he was leading your hips made him bottom up and reach higher inside you, grazing against that specific sweet spot that made you shudder on top of him, you sighed his name once, twice, three times against his lips and he smiled.

Javier moved his hand from your hip to the small of your back and stood up, he turned around to lay you down on the bed, hovering over you, still filling you, still kissing you. He leaned on his elbow to avoid crushing you with his body, you wrapped your legs around his waist and he started rocking his hips, dangerously slow, incredibly steady, as if he was trying to reach further inside you, as if he was trying to bury his whole body in you.

He savored the feeling of your core accommodating itself to the new angle, he took in every single one of the noises you were letting out, his hands tried to roam all over your body, his eyes outlined the shape of your body under his and he tried to memorize every sensation, every gasp and moan and shudder, yours and his, he tried to breathe in as much of your scent as he could, he broke the kiss and tried to store in his mind the way your face quirked in pleasure, your eyes closed shut, your mouth half opened, your cheeks blushed and your forehead covered in a barely noticeable layer of sweat.

You realized you had your eyes closed when he kissed your lids, then the bridge of your nose as you had kissed his before, then each cheek, then your chin, and finally your lips again. You tried to remember the last time you had felt that full, the last time you had felt as cared and worshiped as you were feeling under him and you failed. You snaked your hands on his back and dug your nails smoothly on his skin, he groaned and you thought of that sound as one of the most beautiful things you had ever heard.

He tried to lift your leg higher on his back, you let out a gasp, feeling a tug on the muscle of your calf.

“Ouch, ouch” you whined, Javier stopped moving and opened his eyes to look at your face, frowning.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispered worrily, you smiled and shook your head, trying to move your leg from his grip.

“Cramp” Javier smiled at your chuckle, he pushed himself back and kneeled on the bed, pulling out of you almost completely, he grabbed your ankle and stretched your leg, you laughed when you felt your toes curl.

“Does it hurt?” he smirked at you, you shook your head again, watching him as he put your ankle on his shoulder and started massaging your tightened muscles. You moaned at the touch, at the loss of him inside you and at the relief in your muscle and threw your head back on the bed, he kept kneading your flesh and you laughed again. “what?”

“I just realized how tired I am” you muttered, he chuckled.

“You wanna stop?” you looked back at him with a playful frown, fuck no. His smile grew wider and he placed two kisses on the skin of your calf “better?”

“Much” you bit your lip “c’mere” you opened your arms for him and he leaned down forward, you reached down to grip his cock and align it again, he got inside easier than before and without a second thought renewed his movements, rolling his hips to bottom up rougher. You moaned his name again and the burning sensation inside you made you close your eyes.

Javier’s picked up the pace and started thrusting faster, in a way you could feel him graze against your cervix.

“Harder” you sighed, if you hadn’t closed your eyes you could had seen the satisfied smirk that crossed his face, he bit his lip as he shifted on top of you to rock inside you with more strength, he let out a moan when he felt your breath hitch and your walls clench him in, he could feel you were close so he slid his hand from the mattress to your breast, cupped the flesh and played with a nipple “more” you breathed out he leaned closer to you and licked your lips open, the wet brush of his tongue made you clench again and his hand snaked to your clit, rubbing painfully slowly with one finger. 

You stopped breathing for a brief moment when you felt a bundle of flames forming inside your lower belly and as if he was reading your mind instead of your body he circled his finger faster.

“Oh my– Javier!” you cried his name like a prayer as you felt your body explode from the inside out on his ear made him lose rhythm for less than a second.

“Come on, preciosa,” he felt you shaking and clenching and gasping and panting under him and when your walls tightened around his throbbing length for the last time as you rode out your orgasm, he let go, spilling himself inside with a loud moan, “oh, baby” he crashed on top of you and you held him against your body, the thought of you being his crossed his mind ever so briefly and he smiled with his face hiding inside the crook of your neck, your hand burying itself on his sweat-wet hair, his hand brushing your shoulder, your chest rising in need for air, you felt his lips brushing lightly on your skin and for the briefest of moments you felt three hazardous words wanting to slip out of your mouth.

Not now, not today. Most probably, not ever.

You didn’t realize you had fallen asleep until you felt the loss of his body weight, you opened your eyes and found him sitting next to you, just looking at your body, bare and spreaded out on the wrinkled duvet. He smiled at you and without a word stood up and walked naked out of the room, you sighed for the thousandth time that day and grinned when you heard the shower turning on.

A half hour shared shower later that was hot and steamy solely because of the water, he was getting dressed while you were standing in front of your closet with only a grey pair of dress pants and a white bra on, browsing for something to wear to the meeting you had later with the ambassador. You pulled out two button up blouses and held them next to each other, one was baby blue and the other plain white.

You felt his arms curling around your naked waist and his chin resting on your shoulder, his stubble grazing over the shoulder bone, he pressed his chest against your back and you smiled at the comforting sensation of his body heat against your nearly bare back.

“I like the blue one better,” he whispered, you let out a chuckle.

“You think?” you tilted your head to consider his choice, he took advantage of your movement and buried his face on your neck, he hummed in affirmation as he licked over your jugular, making you moan and laugh at the same time “Javi, stop, it tickles”

He chuckled, let a gentle kiss just below your jaw and broke the embrace so you could put on the blue shirt.

“I have to go home to change” he brushed his mustache with his thumb as he looked at your deft fingers buttoning the shirt, you nodded.

“Have you seen my phone?” he looked around the bedroom floor.

“Your satelital?” you asked as he walked out of the room into the living room.

“No, the other one, I can’t find it” he lifted your/his discarded shirt from the floor and threw it to the couch when the device wasn’t under.

“Maybe in the truck?” you suggested, he walked in back and raised an eyebrow “why don’t you go check, I’m gonna dial so it rings” he hummed, agreeing, took a step closer to you, gave you a quick kiss and walked out of the room, you followed him and went to grab the phone from the kitchen wall, you saw him getting out of your apartment and waited a few minutes to let him reach the suv. You dialed his phone number and he picked up at the third tone “where was it?”

“Under the seat” you chuckled “a’right, pick you up in fifteen, okay?” you frowned, in the middle of his sentence the line cut for less than a second, barely noticeable, you had heard something like that before.

“Great, what are you gonna wear?” you asked, stalling, trying to make him talk more to maybe hear the cut again and confirm what you were suspecting, you listened and gripped the receiver as close to your ear as you could, you heard him getting inside the truck and starting the ignition, the line cut again, you choked down a grunt.

“I don’t really care” he replied, his voice cut again, you tried to keep the line open for a few more seconds.

“Wear something pretty” you tried to tease him, you heard him chuckle and the line cut again, fuck “see you later, handsome” you hung up the phone and disconnected the telephone wire you took down the whole thing off the wall. You put it on the counter and found the small hole to open the cradle. Inside, beside the circuits, the button pad and the amplifier, there was a small black square connected to the commutator. “fuck” you hissed, taking in out, it could be held just on the tip of your finger, it was significantly smaller than the other’s you had seen before. 

For a moment you actually put thought on who would have tapped your phone and laughed humorlessly because you already knew the answer. You put the little device on the counter and shook your head, intercepting your home phone was stupid as fuck because you never used it.

And then, like flicking a switch, it came to you. They knew that. They didn’t just tap your phone. I was almost certain that they had wired your house.

“Shit” you hissed again, louder. Where the fuck would the microphones be hidden?, you started roaming around the outlets on the walls, looking for something slightly moved or out of the ordinary. 

You walked inside your bedroom and towards one of the end tables, the one with the lamp, you moved it and found a thin gray wire sliding inside the socket on the wall “dammit” you grumbled. Your fingers followed the wire to the base of the lamp, you lifted it and under it you found an almost too small microphone. Right in the bedroom.

Right in the bedroom where you just made love with Javier, screamed his name and gave yourself to him for the second time.

You pulled it out with a frustrated grunt, rolled it on your fingers and stuffed it inside your pocket.

How you didn’t see it coming was beyond you, you knew what they were capable of, but didn’t actually think they would doubt you that much.

Everything was starting to get messy, and before you could wonder how much time those taps had been inside your house, you knew you had to call them out. You knew from there the only way was down.

←previous // next→

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[rollercoasterwords]

hi, i hope you're doing well! i loved your fandom post as a noob and it served as an opportunity for me to understand any pre-conceived notions of fandom i may have as someone who's just dipping her toes in the playground.

this might be weird to ask (feel free to ignore) but i'm someone who tends to get into a fit of analyzing + focusing on various parts of a story, the characters, their characterization (non negotiable for me), relationships and so forth. however i also see fandom as a playground where you're exploring and experimenting with canonical happenings with whatever degree of accuracy or play. is it bad if that's my frame point regarding fandom and fics?

do you have any tips for navigating ao3 or making the best of it in terms of extensions? i don't have any fandom friends and as i mentioned before, i like reading fics and noting what works and doesn't work for me. however, i don't think there's any kind of option on ao3 for me to organize or leave comments for myself so i remember?

ooo and final thing (not sure if you addressed it), how the hell do you navigate fandom discourse when some takes are just so loud and wrong lol?

sorry for the ramble,,, thank you for your posts 💗💗

hi ty i'm glad you enjoy my posts! one thing i wanna reiterate tho--i am not an expert by any means on like fandom lmao my thoughts are just my thoughts like. i myself have only been involved in the marauders fandom for a single year and there are people who have a lot more time and experience interacting with these spaces.

as far as what you're talking about with like analyzing fics...i'm not entirely sure i understand the question? like, i don't think it's a bad thing to spend time thinking about characterizations and stuff as long as you're acknowledging that this is a space where people are allowed to experiment and play around with stuff however they want, and there's no like Single Truth about the way any story needs to be written.

as far as navigating ao3 and having a way to leave comments for yourself--you can bookmark fics and write notes in the bookmarks and leave tags and stuff! one thing to keep in mind though is that writers can see the stuff you put down in bookmarks, so if you have any negative commentary (even if it's just personal stuff you like or dislike that you want to keep track of for yourself) i'd say it's best to keep that bit private or just make like a separate spreadsheet or something. or if you really want to keep track of it all on ao3 then think up a rating or tagging system for yourself that won't clue a writer in if you didn't like their fic. like instead of putting down like...3/5 stars or whatever be like "pink is stuff i love, orange is stuff i like, purple is stuff i dislike" and then you can just tag pink orange and purple and a writer seeing it isn't gonna know what that means and get their feelings unnecessarily hurt, y'know?

and navigating fandom discourse....honestly i feel like i just avoid it lmao like i post my thoughts and shit on my blog but this is my own little corner of the internet, y'know? like honestly i'm not trying to insert myself into any fandom discourse or drama because it's just not worth it to me because this is literally just a hobby. like...it's fanfiction. if i see shit that really bothers me because it's so loud and so wrong i rant about it to my sister mostly or like to friends. or i write about it on here where i'm pretty isolated and just sharing thoughts with like The Circle Of Mutuals. but there are always going to be people being loud and wrong about things on the internet and sometimes you just have to accept it and move on for your own peace of mind lol

[vintagedolan]

mint chocolate

you’ve been in love with ethan since the early days of your childhood friendship, but what happens when it’s too late to tell him?

word count: 5k

warnings/tags: fluffy fluff lets go ladies

also shoutout to @gloriousgrant​ for this request, ily bby!!

feel free to send in requests! and check out my masterlist if you wanna :)

An elephant’s memory. That’s what your mom had always said - you had an elephant’s memory. Never forgot a detail, a friend, a face. Which is why you could still remember the first halloween party you ever got invited to, all the way back in preschool, as clearly as you could remember what you had for breakfast yesterday.

You didn’t remember the party though, but that was because you didn’t go. It had been a simple decision once you’d found out from eavesdropping on the mom gossip that only 33 of the 35 kids from your class had gotten the cute personalized invitations in the mail. 

Your four year old self said it best - “If etee and gray aren’t going, I’s not going.”

You didn’t realize until you were older that you words had made Lisa cry, overwhelmed and grateful that her boys had a friend at school when everyone seemed to be against them. So, she’d decided to make it the best halloween that she possibly could for her kids, and for you. 

And thus, over way too much sugary candy, smores, trick or treating and the watchful eyes of your mom and Lisa, the trio was born on Halloween night, 2004.

The three of you held strong through elementary school - sat next to each other until the teacher separated you for talking too much, shared your lunches every day. Lisa would even send an extra piece of candy on Friday’s for you in Ethan’s lunch - little pieces of mint chocolate that they kept at the salon for clients. Recess was always your favorite time, because the boys were wild, always finding something more fun than the playground equipment, like trees to climb or hills to roll down. You were fine with that - there were too many kids on the playground anyways. And when little scrawny David tried to kiss you at the top of the slide Ethan shoved him down, getting himself time out for the next three days.

You sat with him in the mulch every day until he was allowed to play again. 

Middle school was where the bumps in the road came along. Grayson went, in his mother’s words, ‘girl crazy’, and in his brother’s words, he ‘became a player’. Turns out, middle school girls don’t trust their boyfriends to have girl best friends, and Grayson fell into the trap, desperate to people please and get a date to the dance. Every time he broke up with them he’d come back, apologize, want to be your friend again, and you let him, because you loved him, even if he was a dick sometimes. 

Ethan was another story. Sure, he had a few 6th grade girlfriends who constituted an after school hug as a date, but the first negative thing they said about you had him bounding down the hallway to your locker to reassure you that he was, once again, a ‘single pringle’.

With Grayson off having Lisa drive him and the girl of the month to the fro-yo shop twice a week, it left space for you and Ethan to get even closer than you already were. You took stupid pictures on his families computer, edited them to high heaven with the strongest contrast and put stupidly fonted “<3″ and “bffz foreva” all around your faces, set them as your blackberry backgrounds. You watched movie reruns and renamed the characters and talked about how Ethan wanted to be an actor someday. You played hide and seek in the Dolan’s backyard, always giving away your hiding spot when one of you got too spooked and ran to the other one. You were allowed to spend the night if you stayed in the living room, which meant you took the couch, Ethan took the floor, and usually Grayson ended up curled up in the recliner, wanting to be a part of the fun once he got home and realized he was missing out. 

Things got worse in 8th grade. The bullying was incessant with the boys growing popularity on vine, and since the three of you were always seen as a unit of sorts, you got pulled into it. There were so many jeers in the hallways that you couldn’t keep track of them. The trio reunited, Grayson clinging to you as one of the few friends he could trust. It became texts of ‘lets eat lunch by the band room, no one will bother us over there’ and ‘hey, I heard Jillian earlier, u ok?” snuck under science room tables. You got suspended for punching a guy who wouldn’t shut his mouth about Ethan in September - your parents were pissed but you didn’t care - no one was going to fuck with your friends. 

Your reprieves were after school when you could hang out like you always had... well, after they got done with football or lacrosse or wrestling practice. They’d come home sweaty, smelling like gym mats, texting you to come over. If your mom couldn’t take you over Lisa would come pick you up - even Cameron got you a few times, acting like it was a chore but secretly glad that her brothers had someone, anyone, to rely on. You went to every single one of their games and matches, wrote 47 and 8 on your cheeks in face paint and yelled as loud as you could, ate celebratory ice cream with them when they won. 

Things got, somehow, even worse freshman year of high school. The bullying was even more intense, with threats posed against both of them, and against you. Ethan got secretive for the first time in his entire friendship with you. One minute he was even more clingy than usual, and the next day he was quiet and distant. It took you calling him out on it one night for him to finally fess up.

And it was those four painful words that made you realize that you were in love with Ethan Dolan.

“We’re moving to LA.”

You cried. Ethan cried. Grayson cried. Lisa cried. 

But you dried your tears, put on a brave face, told him how proud you were of him, of both of them. They were chasing their dreams, making it happen for themselves in a way that you could only admire. What type of friend would you be if you tried to hold them back?

You made the most of the last month that they were still in New Jersey, hanging out every minute that you could, helping them look at apartments in LA online, watching them film videos for their channel, supporting them every step of the way. 

You lost track of how many times you had to reassure Ethan that you’d be fine in high school without him, even if it wasn’t true. He’d told you over and over to just pretend like you weren’t friends with them anymore - anything to get the bullying to stop. You told him no way in hell. 

You stayed the night at the Dolan’s house in October, the night before they got on the plane to move out. It was fun, an early halloween celebration of sorts, mixed with a going away party that had you laughing as much as it had you crying. 

The real kicker came around midnight, after Grayson had fallen asleep in the chair that he was much too big for now, and you and Ethan were left in the silence. 

“I’m gonna miss you. So much. I don’t know what life looks like without you,” you admitted with teary eyes, toying with his fingers.

“I’m gonna miss you more. But I’ll always be here to visit, and it’ll be just like old times.”

You doubted that, but you weren’t going to say it. The thought of not seeing him everyday, having him so far away, surrounded by new people, new girls - it put a lump in your throat that you couldn’t quite get the words “I’m in love with you” around. You’d realized that it was more than just friendship for you as soon as he told you he was leaving - but you couldn’t bring yourself to put that on him when he already felt guilty enough for leaving you behind.

So you just nodded at his promises of flying you out to LA when they got enough money, showing you all around California, tried to believe him when he said you were always going to be his number one, and fell asleep against his chest. 

You rode with them to the airport, held their hands the whole way in the backseat and kept your head held high as you hugged them and sent them through security.

You sobbed the whole way home. Even after you managed to pull yourself together a little bit, when you got that made it, miss you already text that signaled they had landed that night, a whole new wave of tears made their appearance. 

You knew it would be hard, but you didn’t realize just how lonely you were going to be without both of them, but especially Ethan at your side. 

But there was a silver lining.

It was in those next few months that you realized that Ethan always kept his promises. He facetimed you whenever he could, showed you around their apartment, asked you to explain how to make mac and cheese cause he was ‘gonna starve’. He sent you pictures of everywhere cool he visited in LA, even sent you postcards sometimes just for fun. And when he came to visit a month later he stopped at your house first, knocking incessantly until you opened the door and threw your arms around him. Once the tears had stopped - the ones you let flow and the ones he blinked back, he reached into his bag and pulled something out.

“Look what I found in the airport in LA. Your favorite.” He placed the mint chocolate bar in your hands with a grin, proud of himself for putting such a big smile on your face. 

And so, the tradition began. 

Every time he came back to New Jersey he was on your doorstep, and every time he brought you one of those little chocolate bars. It didn’t matter that he was home to see his family, because any time you brought it up he’d wave you off, reassure you that ‘you are family bub’, making you fall more and more in love with him every time. 

When he had the money, he flew you out to California, showed you all his favorite places. He took you to the beach, on hikes, made sure you got the full cali experience with him at your side.

There were times over the years where he visited less, or visited more. But It didn’t matter if it’d been a week or 3 months since you’d seen him - the butterflies were all the same when you saw him again. 

You were sure to catch up each time you reunited, going down the list of everything you might of missed, even if you still talked every day. It went like so:

One: how’s the channel going? To which he would ask “how’s school?”

Two: any new friends? He’d ask the same.

And then came question number three, your least favorite:

Got a girlfriend?

You’d wait with bated breath every time, sighing out in secret relief when he’d say “nah, don’t have time” or “no, LA girls are weird”. And then you’d go on with whatever you had planned that day, whether it was just hanging around your old Jersey stomping grounds or sit in your room, and eventually your apartment when you moved out, heart a bit lighter.

Maybe that’s why it hurt so bad on his last visit when he’d hesitated on that question, looked down at his hands.

The most painful four words you’d been told changed that afternoon, when he finally answered.

“Yeah, I do actually.” 

You’d always known it was going to happen eventually - you’d been preparing for it in the back of your mind for a while now. You saw the comments on every post he made, the replies to his tweets, thousands and thousands of adoring girls, and it only grew every single day. Maybe it had been dumb to think that he’d ever realize just how in love with him you were, dumb to think that maybe, maybe, he saw you that way too. 

So, you put on your brave face, forced that smile to spread over your face and ran through the motions.

“Really?! What, since when?!” had never sounded faker than when they came out of your mouth, laced with false enthusiasm. 

And you listened to him tell you all about her, Allison, a girl he’d met at an LA party that he didn’t want to go to. You nodded at the right times, smiled and asked questions you didn’t care to know the answers to. 

You secretly wished hearts made a noise when they broke - maybe it would have stopped the conversation, saved you from having to see his face light up when he said her name, the blush that spread across his cheeks when he told you about his first date with her. 

Three months passed - and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t run at least part of that conversation through your head every day since you had it. It was nice that Ethan wasn’t the type to put his relationship out to the public - a front row seat would only make it worse, you were sure. 

You decided it was time to try, to really try to find someone that wasn’t Ethan. Sure, you’d talked to people in the past, but you’d never gone all in when trying to find someone to be with, because, well, there was really only one on your mind anyways. 

Which was why it was weird to answer one of Ethan’s usual what’re you up to this week texts with not much, work, hanging out with my parents, got a date tomorrow night. You all still working on the candle launch stuff?

At his kitchen counter in LA, Ethan frowned as he read it. Date.

“What?” Grayson asked, reading his twin’s face as he washed the pans from dinner.

“Y/N’s going on a date.” 

“Huh. Well, good for her,” he shrugged, looking down at the water running over his hands, eyes flickering up to Ethan’s face, trying to figure out if he should say what he’s thinking. Fuck it, if he gets pissed he gets pissed. “How do you feel about that?”

That got Ethan’s attention off his phone screen.

“How do I feel about that? What’s that supposed to mean?” The defensiveness in his tone had Gray tensing up a bit.

“It’s just a question bro.” 

“I have a girlfriend Grayson.” 

Grayson stopped scrubbing, annoyed at his brother’s tone. He’d tried to be supportive, loving - but he was getting tired of Ethan complaining about his relationship woes and not doing anything about it. 

“Yeah, who you said you wanted to break up with twice last week, for the record. And you’re the one that brought up Y/N, not me,” he pointed out, knowing that if he was already gonna piss his brother off, he might as well say everything he wanted to say. 

“You never liked Allison,” Ethan snapped.

“Fuckin facts, cause she’s manipulative and fake.”

“No she isn’t.” He threw Grayson a glare, pressing his hands together until his knuckles popped.

“If you actually believed that you would have hit back with an actual argument just now. I mean jesus Ethan, she told you you couldn’t go back to see Y/N for god’s sake. That used to be your fuckin’ dealbreaker back in the day, why would you put up with that shit now?” 

“I didn’t put up with it, I told her it wasn’t negotiable and I went to Jersey anyways!” He was yelling now, hands gripping the edge of the counter.

“Yeah, and then she gave you the silent treatment for a week when you got back like a fuckin’ six year old. That’s some middle school shit and you know it E. You don’t have to put up with that, you can find somebody who treats you better.” 

“Will you fucking stop Grayson?” He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “I’ve got enough shit going on right now, I don’t need you in my head too.” 

“Fine. But friends don’t get jealous when their friends go on dates, especially not when that friend is across the fucking country. Just so you know.” He watched his brother put his face in his hands and felt that familiar pang in heart that made him add a “I’ll be in my room if you wanna talk about it” before he walked out.

Grayson had mastered the art of keeping tabs on Ethan without him knowing. So even from his room he heard him leave, and based on how long he sat in the driveway with the car running, he knew exactly where he was going.

So, he wasn’t fully surprised when Ethan came into his room three hours later without knocking and laid down on his bed next to him without a word, staring up at the ceiling.

“So...”

“So.” Ethan repeated. 

“Did you uh...”

“Break up with her?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I did.” 

“Cool. How’d she take it.”

“About exactly how you'd expect.”

“Ugly sobbing?”

“So much ugly sobbing.” 

“Sounds on brand.”

The conversation faded into silence, only the hum of the fan spinning in the corner filling the room. Grayson let it go on for a few minutes before he spoke up again.

“So.”

“So.”

“You goin’ back to Jersey?”

Ethan perked up at that one, sitting up slightly and turning so he could look at his brother. He quirked an eyebrow, waiting for the explanation. 

“C’mon bro. You can’t act like Y/N doesn’t have anything to do with this. I mean, you should have dropped Allison a while ago, but it’s not a coincidence that the idea of Y/N going on a date was what made you do it now. You should just tell her how you feel. Put it all on the table.”

He pondered that for a minute, staring up at the white ceiling.

“I hate sharing a brain with you, you fuck,” were the words he eventually chose, rolling over and pulling out his phone. Grayson smirked when he saw what he searched - American Airlines.

“Not my fault we split into two goops.”

Ethan typed in the flight plan he’d done more than any other - LAX -> EWR. 4 hours and 56 minute, like usual. There was one leaving in just over an hour and a half, and the knot that formed in his stomach was all too familiar. It came around every time he waited on the doorstep of her apartment in New Jersey, waited for her to show up at the door with that bright smile that had never changed, never wavered. He’d do anything to have her smiling like that all the time.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do this.” 

Grayson’s brows furrowed, knitting together above his eyes. “What?”

“What if she gets mad that I ruined her date. I don’t wanna fuck that up for her. She could be happy with the guy.” The words tasted like metal on his tongue. 

“Oh c’mon Ethan. She’s only dating somebody because you’re dating somebody. Well, were, I guess.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know how she feels about me.”

“You’re forgetting that I’ve been her friend for just as long as you have. You just gotta trust me on this bro. It’s not a coincidence that she starts going on dates when you tell her you’ve got a girl.”

“So many coincidences,” Ethan huffed.

“So many not coincidences,” Grayson corrected, raising his eyebrows and waiting for him to give in. 

“Am I just supposed to show up at her house? I’m not gonna get to Jersey until-” he did the time change math that was second nature by now “- shit, like 2am? That’s kinda sus.”

“Right, because showing up at her house isn’t the first thing you do every time we go home anyways.” Grayson rolled his eyes. “What time’s the flight?” 

“In like an hour and a half.”

“We can make it, just pack a bag real quick, I’ll start the car up.”

“Okay. Okay.” Ethan nodded, standing up and waiting for a minute before he fully decided that holy shit, he was finally gonna do this, and then he was running down the hall towards his room.

“And don’t wear shorts! Put on some fuckin’ pants and look decent at least!” Grayson called after him with a grin.

“I can dress myself bro, fuck off!” 

It turns out, Ludacris mode on a tesla comes in handy when you’re trying not to miss a flight. They sped all the way to LAX, barely time for a hug and a “text me when you get there” before Ethan was running through TSA precheck and barely making the last boarding call of Flight 8333. He took the numbers as a sign that he was doing the right thing, that everything was going to work out.

The nerves really hit when he got settled in his seat on the plane, tattooed thigh bouncing on the floor, covered by his Louis pants. His shoes didn’t match the outfit very well, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He hadn’t had much time to do anything but run through the terminals - he hoped he didn’t stink, didn’t forget anything.

Fuck. The chocolate. 

He twitched in his seat, ready to run back out and head to that little convenience store where the manager knew his name, knew he was only there to get a diet root beer for the flight and a mint chocolate bar. But it was no use - the place was probably closed, and it wasn’t like he could get off the plane anyways.

So he put his headphones in, turned on his playlist and closed his eyes as they started to taxi down the runway, praying that maybe he could sleep. Behind his eyelids, memories of you played like a mixture between a slideshow and a movie - little snippets and still images of times he had committed to memory, swore he would never forget.  

You, with your toes in the California sand for the first time, so excited to see the beach and the ocean waves crashing, face lighting up as you ran towards the water. Your fourth grade halloween costume - the first year the three of you had coordinated, all of you going as little skeletons. Sitting in the middle school hallway with lunch balanced carefully on your legs, swapping sandwiches and laughs. You hugging him goodbye when he left for LA, how he never wanted to let go, wished he could take you with him more than anything else. Every visit, every time he counted down the days before he could make it back to see you.

He couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with you, wasn’t trying to convince himself that it would be wrong to ask you to try long distance, wrong to ‘hold you back’ or ask you to support someone, to love someone, so far away. It almost felt childish now, the thought that the two of you were going to end up with anybody else. His nerves prickled at the daunting task that he knew was awaiting him when the plane wheels touched down again, so he focused on your face instead, trying to breathe.

It was both the longest and quickest flight of his life somehow. 

He got a rental car - it was no smooth cat, but it would do - text Grayson that he was safe, and headed out in the familiar direction of your apartment before he could stop himself. He hadn’t made it four minutes down the interstate when the rain started falling, slow at first until it grew into a downpour that was roaring against the car. 

His wipers worked double time, keeping his windshield just clear enough for him to find his way to your parking lot. 

Heart in his throat, he threw his door open, stepping out into the rain before he could talk himself into turning around, jogging to your door and knocking.

In your bed, your eyes shot open. You waited for another knock, heart beating fast when you heard it, and then the constant rhythm of them afterwards. You rolled over, checked your phone.

2:16am.

“Who in the fuck,” you grumbled, sitting up and rubbing at your eyes as you headed out the door of your room in your pajamas, confused and concerned. If it was your drunk neighbor again, you were going to kill him. 

Popping up on your tiptoes, you peeked through the peep hole, breath catching in your throat. 

There was no way.

You blinked hard, looked again.

You knew that face, and you threw the door open, relief and panic playing tug of war on your heartbeat.

“Ethan? What- what the hell are you doing here? Are you okay? Is something wrong?” It wasn’t unlike him to show up and surprise you, but it had never been in the middle of the night. Still, he looked perfect as always, even with his drenched hair plastered to his head and soggy clothes. 

“I’m okay.” 

“Okay... well come inside, come outta the rain,” you reached out to grab his shirt, pull him inside, but he caught your hand, holding on tightly.

“I gotta say something first, and then you can decide if you wanna let me in.” He was too formal, more serious than you were used to and it had your stomach in knots. 

“You’re scaring me a little E.” 

“Don’t be scared. It’s just me.” His eyes shone, even in the dark, with a familiarity that settled you a bit and you nodded, waiting for him to say whatever it was. 

“I don’t know why I never thought it was okay for us to love each other. No, that’s not right, that’s not what I meant to say. I... hang on.” 

He took a deep breath, rainwater spraying a bit off his lips when he pushed it out and tried again.

“A long time ago, when we were kids, I convinced myself that we couldn’t love each other, because I couldn’t handle losing you. You’ve been my rock, my only constant outside my family for my entire life, and I don’t think I would have made it without you. So I just decided that we couldn’t love each other like that. And that was selfish. Because I’ve always been in love with you I think. Back then I don’t think I realized what it was. But now, when I look back, I think that’s what it was.”

You’ve always been the person I wanna see every day, especially when I can’t. The first person I think of when I wake up, the one I’m thinking about when I go to sleep. You’re my favorite human on the whole planet, and if soulmates are real I think that’s us. I don’t know why I ever tried to be with anybody else when you were here the whole time.”

And I know it’s not fair for me to put all this on you right now, especially when you tried to be supportive of me with other girls. But that text, you telling me you were going on a date. It slapped me in the face, made me realize just what I was about to give up, what was about to slip through my fingers if I didn’t get my shit together and just tell you everything. So... here I am. I’m here, and I love you... I’m in love with you. And I just needed you to know that. I’m in love with you Y/N. Always have been. And I kinda think that you could be in love with me too. Or at least, I hope maybe you are.” 

He had been looking at you the whole time, but you saw the nerves take over as he realized everything he had just said out loud, as he watched you, waited for your reaction. 

“I...” Your brain was spinning, unable to understand how everything you’d been waiting your whole life to hear had just come out of his mouth, all at once. 

It wasn’t a conscious decision - more of an instinct. Two steps forward out into the rain and then you were throwing your arms around his neck, up on your tip toes to finally, finally, press your lips to his like you’d dreamed about doing so many times. 

Your fantasies hadn’t done it justice. He was so warm, so familiar, so Ethan. His hands went to your waist, fingers curling and pulling you against him as he leaned in so hard that you leaned back with him, smiling as your hands came around to hold his face, hold him to you, unwilling for the moment to ever end. 

You didn’t even notice the rain.

“Am I dreaming?” You hadn’t meant to say it out loud but it slipped past your lips anyways, making Ethan’s chest swell and his smile get even brighter as he pulled back enough to look at you.

“No baby. This is real. This is us, right here, right now.” 

"No fuckin’ way,” you breathed, running your thumbs over his cheeks before he kissed you again, walking you backwards into the house and out of the downpour and over to the couch. 

“I love you. So much. Sorry I forgot your chocolate by the way,” he grinned after he sat down and pulled you onto his lap, gazing up at you like you hung the moon and stars.

“You’re so much better than mint chocolate. I love you too.” You kissed him again just because you could, relishing in the feeling of him there with you, not a worry or a care in the world.

[harrysgoldenline]

do you think you could write something about harry being protective ?

My Hero

“Stay close to me.” Harry mumbles in her ear, his hand right around her as they follow close behind the security guard.

She leaned into his shoulder as he lead in front of her, trying to shield her eyes from the bright flashing lights that she has never gotten used to. When they reached the car, the paparazzi crowded around them, their questions being yelled louder and louder.

Harry stopped and took her hand, dragging her in front of him by her hand and letting her in the car first as he offers a polite wave and nod to the paps before he slides in after her, shutting the door quickly and signaling the driver to head off to the after party.

The lovers sat in the back of the car quietly, engaging in soft conversations and giggles as Harry tries to calm her, telling her not worry about the party and what none there may think of her.

“Mr. Styles, Miss. Y/LN, we have arrived.” The driver announces.

“Thank you!” The pair both exclaim, getting out of the car before thanking him again and wishing him a good night.

Harry reaches his hand out to her, once agin leading her into this building, appreciating the much fewer number of paps on their walk this time and soon enough they were inside, dropping their coats off at coat check before walking into the extravegent event.

“Wow” Harry admires, extended his arm out and spinning her, “you look absolutely flawless, my love.”

“Stop it.” Y/N blushes, leaning into him and kissing his jaw, her hands rubbing down his suit jacket, “you look so handsome, I love this suit.”

“Yeah?” He smirked arrogantly, entering the large ballroom filled with all kinds of A-List celebrities, “I’m gonna have to keep you close, not gonna let anybody steal you away.”

Y/N laughs, rolling her eyes, wondering how he could actually think that could be possible and the two head to get drinks. Harrys arm tight around her waist as they push through the crowd of people, soon ordering their drinks.

***

“Dance with me!” Y/N slurred, trying to pull Harry up from the barstool after a mutual friend walked away to go to the bathroom, her hands tugging on the material of his shirt, “please please please please!”

“Babe, whats gonna happen when he comes back and we’re gone?” He chuckles, spreading his legs a bit wider and pulling her to stand between them.

“I reeaalllyy wanna dance.” She pouted, arms resting on his shoulders and she bites her lip, looking up at him seductively, “please?”

He sighs, a smirk covering his face and he pulls her close, pressing a hard passionate kiss onto her lips. Her fingers instantly weave through his hair as his tug on her waist, the couple getting lost in one another.

She crawls up onto him, squealing a bit as he squeezes her hips, pulling back and nipping at her neck.

“Im going to go to the toilet quick, then we can dance.” He playfully grumbles, lifting her up and placing her feet on the floor and she stumbles a bit, his hands quickly meeting her hips to steady his intoxicated girlfriend.

Harry stands, brushing his shirt a bit and looking around at the still full, wild party and blushes, still noticing in the dark room a few people were eyeing them.

“Can I come with?”

“No, button. Stay here.” He chuckles, ordering her a water from the bartender, “drink this it’s yummy!” He laughs, raising his eyebrows dramatically as he holds it before her, “I’ll be right back.”

Harry departs from her with a quick kiss, making his way to the bathroom and turning around and seeing her sipping on the water as she turns back and forth slightly on the spiny barstool.

Y/N giggles to herself, watching other drunk celebrities stumble and dance around the space, very easily distracted and entertained in her inebriated state.

“Boo!” A voice says in her ear as hands squeeze her arms, Y/N jumping in suprise.

She turns to see one of her and Harry’s mutual friends they met a few months back, Chris. She gives him a smile and a wave before wrapping her lips back around the straw.

“Where’d Harry go?” He asked before looking towards the bartender and ordering shots and eyeing her up and down and smirking, “he give you that water too? Does he not think you can handle her alcohol?”

“Ummmm...” she stumbles, looking around before the thought reenters her mind, “he’s in the uh- Harry went to the... the bathroom! And yeah he did- but I can I can!”

“I must’ve walked right past him then, the line is huge.” He chuckles before sliding her a shot, “Well if you can, take this shot with me doll.”

Her eyes slowly meet the glass before looking up to his face, not quite sure why he added the pet name but with the amount of alcohol she has already ingested she wasn’t exactly in the right mind to react to situations.

“Okay” she hiccuped, lifting the glass and giggling when Chris hit his glass with hers and they both down them quickly.

“I don’t know what Styles is talking about! You’re doing great, gorgeous!” He smirked, plopping down on the barstool next to her and throwing his arm over her shoulder, “lets do a few more and then dance.”

“Oh, um I don’t- I think Garry and I.-“ she giggles, “I mean HARRY and I are going to dance when I come back- when HE comes back from the bathroom.”

“Cmon, lets go.” He dismissed, standing from the stool and helping the drunk girl stand, practically dragging her over to the dance floor.

“Chris, Stop.” She weakly argues, trying to push the larger man away but failing.

Chris continues walking, holding her arm tightly as they walk further and further away from where they were sitting, Y/N’s vision getting blurrier the more they are moving.

The next thing she knows she stumbles to the ground, looking up and seeing Harry standing before her.

Harry grabs Chris by the shirt, teeth gritted and he shoves him against the wall, “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Harry screamed, “answer me! Why were you trying to take her out of the building?”

“I-I’m sorry she asked me to take her to your car!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” Harry spits, the commotion causing attention and security comes, before Harry’s fist could meet Chris’s nose.

One guard helps Y/N stand, asking her to explain the situation as well as asking her if she knew either of the two men. The intoxicated girl tried her best, explaining how she came with her boyfriend and then their friend gave her more drinks and dragged her out to the dance floor.

“You gave her drinks?” Harry grunted, trying time lunge at him, “what the fuck did you put in them!?”

The guards hold both of the men back, trying to get the story out of both of them before they take Chris away for separate questioning and Harry sat with Y/N as they had the car pull up to the back door.

“Harry, I wanna go home.” She whimpers weakly, tiredly leaning into him “I don’t feel good.”

“I know, my love. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you.” He shakily replied, rubbing his fingers through her messy hair.

Soon enough, their car pulled up and thankfully they were able to exit out of a side door and weave around all paps. Harry carefully helped her into the car, having her head lay in his lap on the car ride home, his fingers softly massaging her scalp.

The two sat, and laid, quietly in the back of the car, neither of them knowing what to say and Y/N finding it hard to keep her eyes open as exhaustion washed over her.

Harry carried her into their home once they arrived, helping her slide out of her dress and he put one of his t-shirts on her, grabbing a makeup wipe and helping her remove it before tucking her into bed. He couldn’t help but feel immensely guilty, knowing what happened, even more so what was about to happen.

He felt nauseous, thinking about what would have happened if he wouldn’t have seen them heading to the door. What he would of done, what would have happened to her.

Harry didn’t sleep much, laying awake for hours before inevitably falling asleep from exhaustion, both psychically and emotionally.

The couples didn’t awake until around 1pm, only really getting out of bed to go to the bathroom, get snacks or Advil in between Netflix marathons of different shows and movies.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N suddenly broke, cuddling into his chest, “I’m sorry I made us have to leave the party early because I drank too much and then h-he-“

“Hey, stop tha” Harry cooed, sitting up and pulling her up with him, brushing hair out of her eyes, “you have nothing to apologize for, you didn’t do anything wrong. I should’ve been there to protect you- If I wouldn’t have seen you...”

She cuddles further into him, sniffling and wiping the tears off her cheeks, “I ruined it, I shouldn’t have drank so much... I couldn’t even push him away and then their was this huge scene and everyone was looking.”

“Baby girl, that guy is a prick. You shouldn’t have to limit yourself because there are creeps out there. And what do you mean? Are embarrassed?” He consoles, lifting his face and being met with teary eyes and she nods, wrapping her arms back around him and burying her face in his neck, “you have nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart. Okay? Nobody thinks of you negatively.”

She nods slowly, her fingers tangling into his hair, “thank you for saving me... I was so scared, Bubby. I didn’t know what was happening- what... what was gonna happen.”

“I know baby, me too. I was terrified. But I found you, I’ll always be there when you need me.” He explained, softly kissing her lips, “I’m never letting you out of my sight again. I love you so much and I will never stop protecting you.”

“I love you too, Bubs. So much. You’re my hero.”

He smirks, kissing her again and wiping away her tears before letting out a soft laugh, “I guess this means from now on we’re going to the bathroom together.”

[thatblondeperson]

So I learnt from that Tim Drake Guy's tumblr that Steph is a bully and abusive with Tim is that true. I ask since I know you seem to agree with a lot of the thoughts expressed on that blog. Can you help me find some examples of Tim/Steph comics. I was going to get YJ but the same tumblr blog says it's bad

So I want to preface with some very solid advice I've learned from being in fandom. It's really hard to learn anything from any blog because so much of it is opinion based, that the line between headcanon and canon gets far too muddied too often, and there's also always going to be biases that come from very personal spaces. It's important to take everything that every blog says ESPECIALLY in the DC fandom, with a very large grain of salt because half the fandom really doesn't actually seem to source their information with anything other than out of context panels, shitposts, or their own perfect ideals of what they want to gleam from the pages of each comic. It's all interpretive, and I'm sure that sounds a little bit petty, but I'm adding myself in here too because I have my own opinions separate from others, despite my firm ideology in staying as close to canon as I possibly can.

As far as that blog, I actually strayed away from them because I no longer agreed with a lot of what was being said. It got to the point where it was getting very unnecessarily negative all the time, and I want no part in this ship war that drives practically every bit of drama in the Tim fandom. I think that there is a lot of merit to some of the opinions on that blog, and they're clearly an expert on Tim in many ways. I knew them personally, so I can attest to that. But I think they also read only what they WANT to read on every page, and I think that makes for a lot of gaps where misinformation can leak in. That got filled with a lot of straight up wrong assessments of Stephanie Brown, and unfortunately that blog was already prime traffic for antis to spew unnecessary hate, so once the blog itself got on board, I tapped out.

No, Stephanie is not an abuser or a bully. I think tumblr throws around the word abuse far too casually. At most, Steph teases Tim, but never to a malicious or purposefully hurtful extent. She pokes at him, just like you would with a best friend. He barely even protests. A simple "Steph..." every now and again, but he even teases her back often and jokes with her. She's not an abuser, in fact, she herself is a victim of severe abuse in her childhood. Her flirting at the beginning of her and Tim's relationship is a bit intense, but she's 15, and doesn't know how to catch his attention. Her boyfriend was clearly way older than her and did not treat her well, her father abused her mother, and she was sexually harassed by her father's friends. She's never seen a healthy relationship to know how to act. Once they get together, she mellows out and is actually very compassionate and kind with Tim, and especially supportive.

A lot of haters throw around all this terrible stuff she did.

They say she stole Robin from Tim. He stepped away from the mantle, and she thought she caught him cheating, and Bruce opened up the opportunity for her.

They highlight a time when she almost blew Tim up. Bruce told her to do something drastic to force Tim to be a better Robin. Should she have thought it through? Yes. But she was young, and still desperate to prove herself.

Steph is a loose canon throughout a lot of her appearances. She doesn't always think before she acts, and that is one of her major flaws. She gets into trouble often, and that causes a lot of tension between her and Tim, often from him becoming overprotective of her.

Steph starts out fairly cynical in the beginning and softens up over time. After the explosion stunt with Tim, she does get her act together and she goes through a fantastic character arc where she really improves upon herself. She becomes a beacon of hope, but she really already was one. She's always been a source of light for Tim. She's a constant tether for him throughout their relationship, and she constantly bringing him back to reality. I think their dynamic is really great, and it does hurt me a lot how often she gets dragged through the mud now. It's tumblr, what can you do?

It's also interesting to me how often Steph is called out for being the unhealthy one, and they never talk about how Tim was the shitty boyfriend way more often:

Kept his identity from her but didn't respect keeping hers private

Kissed her when he was dating someone else at the time (he's actually kinda known for subtle two-timing, but this is hardly brought up by fans)

Essentially stalked her for a while

Often told her she needed to stop being Spoiler (overprotective nature yes...but still)

Interesting how the relationship is only toxic because of Steph. Hell she even gets shit for getting upset that Greta straight up tried to kill her in Young Justice, because they think it was selfish of her that she was desperate to learn Robin's identity. Yeah sorry...murder vs wanting to know your crushes name? Which is worse?

I'm also not going to sit here and demand that everyone love Steph. It's ok that people don't like her, I could give 2 shits, but if they're gonna spew hate, I'd prefer it be rooted in truth. Some of what I see written about her is just so so wrong...there's a trend in anti culture to even write her as Tim's rapist which YIKES. That's so beyond a healthy amount of dislike for a character.

Anyway, comic recs!!!

Detective Comics 647-648. (First appearance of Steph/Spoiler with classic "love at first brick" moment.)

Robin 57-65 (First date issue which is the cutest thing ever. Robin does a little flip at the end because he's so happy. And the chronology of Steph being pregnant which Tim was supportive of the whole time. Super sweet)

Robin 100-104 (Steph gets sick and Tim brings her soup. Lots of cute domestic moments, and you get more into Steph's past)

Robin 111 (more about Steph's past with Tim being super supportive, also the infamous piano issue which is a personal favorite of mine)

Robin 116 (very cute moments after Tim forgets his bday and everyone, Steph included, surprises him)

Robin 119 (supportive bf Tim, strikes again)

Robin 120 (Steph being an amazing supportive gf)

Batgirl 8 (Steph's run, where she and Tim collide again for the first time in a long time. Awkwardness and tension ensues, Tim tries to make a move)

Red Robin 10 (more crossover, very fun. More awkwardness and tension)

Convergence Batgirl (Not the best run, but a nice bit of closure for the pre flashpoint universe. Very sweet and wholesome.)

There's way more that I could list but I'm awful with issue numbers tbh. I know the stories, but I don't have the catalogue memorized. Better people than me have probably made a masterlist of TimSteph comics lol

I don't think you should let any blog turn you away from any particular series. I think if you wanna try out the new YJ, go for it!! I'm very cynical to anything published post 2011, but YJ is the only thing I've consistently read that's NEW, in years. I find it fun. Is it the best? No, not by miles, and it gets stuck with a lot of nonsensical filler often. But it's still a very cute and fun run.

I hope this ask gave you a lot of good info! I also recommend the very long post that should be just below this that goes into a lot of fandom misconceptions about Stephanie brown with more picture examples to highlight everything. Thanks for the ask, anon! I hope you have a lovely time reading these comics and hopefully many more!!

🖤💜❤😊😊😊❤💜🖤

[spaceskam]

our fainted thrill carries on (8/13)

another part of my season 2 fix it! enjoy the pain! warning for sexual content and angst

ao3

Michael was lured back to life by soft kisses on his chest.

A soft, slightly confused hum vibrated in his throat as his eyes slowly opened. The window, though it was covered with a thin curtain, showed that it was still dark outside. That didn’t stop those lips from moving up to his neck or those fingers from gliding across his stomach. His eyes left the window and went to Alex. It took him a few seconds to remember how exactly that happened.

“‘S early,” Michael grunted, voice hoarse and mind still a little foggy. It was hard to remember anything with Alex pressed up against him and kissing his skin.

“Yeah,” Alex whispered softly, pulling away just enough to look him in the eye. He was soft from sleep, eyes still a little tired and cheek red from being pressed against Michael’s skin all night. It was like he’d just woken up only a few seconds before Michael and immediately wanted his attention. That made his heart beat a little harder. “I’m sorry, you can go back to sleep if you want. Just, I have work and you have work and I wanted‒”

Michael silenced Alex by flipping them over, laying on top of him as he slowly woke himself up more. Alex smiled so wide, stretching just a little and using that as an excuse to arch his bare body into Michael’s. He was so relaxed, so happy, and Michael could hardly make sense of it. Did he always look like this when they hooked up or was this special somehow?

It didn’t really matter though as Michael nudged his nose against his cheek, pressing feather-light kisses to his jaw. Alex craned his neck to give him more space. Michael could hear him breathing, feel the way his arms wrapped around him, taste his skin. Everything was Alex. Everything was always, always, always Alex.

He kissed every inch of his skin that he could reach before dragging his tongue across the length of his jaw. Alex hummed, weaving his fingers into his hair and giving it a little tug to show his approval. Then Michael paused for a minute, letting himself enjoy the stillness of just being pressed against him and being allowed to have this. He wanted him so badly, he wanted them to be able to be in love and happy. He had been in love and happy. He trusted Alex to have good reasons to keep something from him. Part of him still trusted that he did.

But, fuck, that was harder to convince himself of when Alex was basically the only one he trusted.

Michael’s hands went to his thighs, hoisting them up to his hips and earning a little surprised gasp from the man himself at the escalation. Alex still held him close, though, and his thighs tightened around his hips as Michael dragged his teeth over a sore spot he’d made on his neck the night before. He was usually pretty good about not leaving marks, but last night he couldn’t help himself.

The mix of betrayal and absolute desire for Alex again made it hard to control himself.

Alex tilted his head, nudging Michael away from his neck to capture his lips in a kiss. Considering his mind was still hazy and the mood felt just right, Michael kissed back and let himself enjoy it. No matter what happened, no matter how bad he felt, he always enjoyed kissing Alex. Even last night when he felt like everything was shit, he could bury himself in that feeling. 

“I love you,” Alex whispered into his mouth as Michael mindlessly tried to bury himself again and it made it harder. It felt wrong hearing that. Everyone lied to him about everything, what did love have to do with that?

So, as a way to silence him, he slid his arm between them and took Alex in his hand. He sucked in a breath, but he kissed him back just as fervently. Michael tried to forget everything except for his breaths, except for his skin, except for his lips, except for the whine he gave when he bit the bruise on his neck, except for the way his eyebrows met in the middle and his jaw dropped when Michael did that thing he liked. Because he knew what he liked. Because he knew Alex.

Or did he?

Because it didn’t seem to matter. The more he tried to silence him, the more he swallowed the confessions that felt hallow and made him feel even more unwanted than before, the more they came. Alex liked to give affirmation, but what had once been ‘god, you’re hot’ had turned into ‘fuck, I love you’. And how was he supposed to take that? Why did he have to change it?

You don’t lie to people you love. 

Alex finished with no warning, messy and hot and all but plastering their chests together. He cursed and apologized with his hands still weaved into his hair, but Michael didn’t care. He had a lot of bigger worries than something like that. This was nothing new. Alex put his hand on his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss, sharing breath as he moved to reciprocate. Michael stopped him by pushing to his knees and letting Alex’s legs slide off him.

He stared down at him. Alex looked slightly confused, but too blissed out to really put it together. When was Alex going to tell him the truth? What happened to honesty?

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Michael said. Alex grabbed his hand.

“Wait,” he breathed, sitting up and reaching for a kiss. Michael accepted it. “Let me join?”

And wasn’t it impossible to tell him no?

-

“Well, aren’t you bubbly.”

“Sorry,” Alex said, but he couldn’t deny it. His leg had been bouncing all day, vibrating with excited energy. Things were going good. Better than good. Not only had they had a massive fucking breakthrough, but he had Michael.

“Don’t apologize, happy looks good on you,” Cam said, giving him a smile.

They’d all met up after work to head to the school together, but Alex knew he was annoying. He’d been annoying all day and he didn’t give a shit. He’d never been so goddamn happy in his life. Finally, things were good. Finally. 

“Wanna spill what’s got you so giddy? Because I know it’s not just what we found out last night,” Kyle pointed out. Which was true. They decided to let Cam do a little digging into her father’s side of the family and see what she could find. She apparently didn’t get along with her parents and hadn’t spoken to them in a very long time, so it made sense that that was why she hadn’t been pulled into M.V.C. by them. Point is, that meant there was a possibility they had no idea what she knew. Shit was going to be great.

“Well… I don’t know if you wanna hear about it,” Alex said, chewing on his bottom lip as he replayed the night before and the morning. They still needed to have a good, cohesive talk, but it’d been years since he had to use foundation to cover up a hickey and he felt too young to care for the time being. 

“We’re your friends and you clearly wanna talk,” Kyle said. Alex didn’t need much more of a push.

“Guerin and I hooked up last night. And this morning, but, yeah, last night. Like, for real. Like, a thing. A thing, us,” Alex said, laughing to himself. He couldn’t wait to see him again, to kiss him. He couldn’t get enough. They were finally on the same page in the same book on the same sentence.

“That wasn’t already happening?” Cam asked at the same time Kyle asked, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No, it wasn’t happening, we were trying to navigate things without sex,” Alex said, squirming slightly as he continued to think about it. How the hell had he actually even gone that long? He’d been without him for hardly a few hours and all he wanted was to fuck until they were both numb. “But I think we’re in a good enough place where we can separate it and be adults about a relationship and alien bullshit.”

“And you’re sure?” Kyle clarified. Alex nodded.

“I’ve never been so sure about something in my life.”

“Well, then I support you.”

“Not gonna lie, it’s kinda weird seeing you so excited,” Cam said, “But I’m happy for you, Cap.”

The drive seemed to drag on for way longer than it needed to be and Alex was nearly crawling out of his skin. He felt so young and stupid, checking his phone over and over to see if Michael had texted him. He hadn’t, but he knew he was busy. Alex just couldn’t wait to see him.

To keep his mind distracted, he made a mental checklist of all the things they needed to talk about once they got home that night. The revised boundaries of their relationship, the third head of the trident, who the little boy was, and making sure they both wanted the same thing going forward. They’d been doing good, but they’d been known to let sex cloud their judgment and Alex was determined to avoid that.

They were going to be better.

Michael was already there, rummaging through his truck, whenever they pulled up at the school. Kyle and Cam gave Alex a little look that caused him to roll his eyes, but they both quickly went inside and left Alex alone with Michael. He was more than a little grateful for that.

“Hey, Cowboy,” Alex called as he walked up to him, taking off the hat of his uniform. Michael looked over at him and sighed before turning back to his truck, pushing himself up and into the cab more. Alex took slow steps towards him, trying to gauge his body language. Had he had a bad day? “Hey,” he said again, softer this time, “You okay?”

“I am fine, so fine,” Michael said, slamming the door shut after coming out of the truck empty handed. Confusion hit Alex like a train and he instantly reached out to grab his wrist, stepping into his space. Michael looked past him rather than at him. It hurt more than words could say.

“Talk to me,” Alex said, trying to coax him into calming down rather than making it worse. Michael was a paragon of making his negativity contagious. Alex refused to let it happen today. “What happened? What do you need?”

Michael took three heavy breaths before looking at him, making eye contact so deliberate that it was nearly breathtaking. But, then again, Michael was breathtaking. Alex took another step, their chests pressing together. It was reminiscent of that morning, only with an extra barrier of clothing between them. Alex couldn’t help but think that, if it was gone, he’d feel better.

He brought his hand up to his cheek, watching the way his eyes closed at the feeling. Alex gently rubbed his thumb over his cheekbone and stepped in just a little closer, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Michael swallowed and released a slow breath.

“Talk to me,” Alex repeated, staying close, “What upset you and how do we fix it?”

Michael opened his eyes and stared at him for all of two seconds before Alex’s back was shoved into the side of the truck. He skipped any form of sweet kisses, going straight for raunchy and explicit. It was all tongue, all teeth, all pressing against him in the most mind-numbing way. 

He reciprocated easily despite the publicness of it all, reveling in how badly Michael seemed to want him. He liked being wanted. More importantly, he liked being wanted by him. So he matched his speed and his desire, holding him close and getting his fix. He genuinely didn’t know how he’d ever gone with him.

Still, Alex made a startled noise as he took it even a step further, wedging his knee between Alex’s thighs and grinding his hips down with a little too much force.

“Michael,” Alex said, pulling away to catch his breath. His hands grasped his hips, separating them just a little. “Hey, we’re here to work on bringing Max back, remember? We can do this later.” 

Michael stared at him for a moment before nodding his head, peeling off of Alex and stepping too far away too quickly. Alex reached for his hand again.

“Hey,” he said, “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, walking out of Alex’s grasp and towards the school. 

Dread seeped into Alex’s body as he began to realize that maybe they weren’t quite as on the same page as he thought.

-

What was the proper way to call someone out for being a liar?

“His heart is slowly repairing itself, yes, but, at this rate, it won’t be healed perfectly for years. We need something else or this is pointless,” Liz rattled off. Michael was staring at Alex, watching him handle the alien glass pieces with delicate, familiar hands. He was so fucking obvious.

“It’s not pointless,” Isobel argued. Liz just gave her a faux-sympathetic smile.

“Maybe we could make an alien-friendly LVAD?” Kyle suggested.

“Yeah, but then what? If we give him and LVAD, then he’ll spend his life waiting for a transplant that’ll never come,” Liz said.

“Maybe we use these,” Alex said, holding up the glass, “It’s living like their bodies, right? Why couldn’t we construct a pacemaker or something once he gets to a certain stage. Sure, not perfect, but tons of people live just fine with them.”

Liz’s face lit up. “Yes. Yes, we could definitely do that. Michael, this‒” 

“No,” Michael said easily, shaking his head, “No, we’re not destroying or altering any of the ship pieces.”

The room fell quiet, the four of them sharing looks between each other and Michael. It was like they couldn’t come up with a reason why he might not want that. It was almost laughable.

“Michael, this is Max,” Isobel said. Michael shrugged.

“So? That ship is the only option I have to get the hell off this planet and I’m not letting you take it from me,” he said, his eyes involuntarily drifting to Alex. He looked hurt by that, but not surprised. Just hurt as if all of his fears had been confirmed. Michael shook his head. “And you knew that.”

“Okay, you’re just being selfish now,” Liz said, “We need your help.”

“And it’s not just your ship, Michael. Max and I have just as much of a right to it as you do,” Isobel said. Michael scoffed.

“Bullshit. Neither of you cared about ever finding it, you just care now. It’s mine and I say no,” Michael insisted.

“So, what, you’re still just gonna fuck off the planet?” Alex asked, voice showing just how obvious it was that hurt his feelings. How funny was that?

“Well, I wish I could, but I can’t,” Michael said, “Because someone has been keeping fucking pieces from me.”

Again, he could hear a pin drop. Alex just stared at him and Michael could see the gears turning in his head, his walls building and his mind calculating a perfect response. Michael hated it. He just wanted fucking honesty. Why was it so hard to get?

“So you found that,” Alex said simply, voice hardened. Michael gave a sharp laugh, throwing his arms out in disbelief.

“That’s all you have to say?! I call you out for fucking lying to me for months and that’s it?! When did you find it, Alex? Did you ever plan on telling me about it? I just, I have given you so many chances to tell me! I’ve asked you over and over if you were hiding something, and you always said no! What was the fucking point, Alex?! What was the point of acting like we’d changed or grown or done something different when you were just lying?” Michael unleashed, finally feeling like he was getting it off his chest. Suddenly, he could breathe again.

“We have changed,” Alex said. Except he wasn’t angry like anticipated, not even a shred antagonistic. He just looked torn and desperate. He looked like he did at Caulfield. Michael had to physically take a step back. “I didn’t mean to lie.”

“You did, though. You and Sanders were the only two fucking people who had no reason to lie to me and you both did. Both of you! Why am I surrounded by liars, huh?” Michael demanded. Alex’s eyes were slowly but surely getting teary like things were falling into place. Good. Michael didn’t like when they fell into place either.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice tight as he willed his tears away, “I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

“Because I didn’t want you to leave!” Alex yelled, roughly wiping his face with his hand, “I just, I wanted you. Here. With me.”

Michael became increasingly aware of the fact that they weren’t alone, but it seemed Alex was forgetting about it more each second. 

“So you lied to be selfish,” Michael simplified.

Alex made a hurt little noise and took a shaky breath, his bottom lip quivering before his hands went to cover his face. It was strange. Such a big part of Michael wanted to make it stop, wanted to say they could talk it out, wanted to hold him so he wouldn’t cry in front of their friends. But that little part that couldn’t let it go felt like it had lit his entire fucking body on fire and he just couldn’t.

“What was last night then?” Alex asked as he dropped his hands after composing himself for a moment, “What was the point of that? If you think I’m selfish and a liar, why would you do that? Was that some kind of punishment? Because it worked. I feel punished.”

Michael didn’t answer. He didn’t have one. He was just pissed for even more reasons than he’d entered the room with. Alex quickly excused himself and left the room and Michael followed it up by shattering all the beakers on the lab. That anger he felt was all consuming, filling him to the brim with betrayal and self-hatred and he was struggling to see where the line between the two was.

“Way to go,” Kyle scoffed, quickly making his way to follow Alex out of the room. That left Isobel, Cam, and Liz all staring at him like he was the asshole. Which he probably was.

“The third head of the trident is Cameron,” Cam announced, eying him with distaste, “So, Alex, Kyle, and I will do just fine dismantling that side of things, we don’t need your help. We’ll keep you safe, don’t worry. You’re still a dick.”

With that, she left the room as well. And then there were three.

“Really, Michael?” Isobel asked, “What the fuck was that? Last time we talked, you were on cloud nine, what was the point of all that? And what do you mean Sanders was lying to you? And how come there are the only two you trust?”

“Isobel, please, just… give me a minute,” he said, digging the heels of his hands against his eyes.

How the fuck was he going to learn how to go back to sleeping alone?

-

“Boys are stupid.”

“Let’s burn them.”

Alex huffed a laugh, tugging his blanket a little bit tighter around him as he leaned his head on Rosa’s shoulder. He felt stupid and childish as she stroked his hair, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. She’d been like a big sister to him and, while things had changed dramatically, she was still right there when he needed her. And, right now, he needed her. 

“I just can’t believe he decided to be such a dick,” she scoffed. Alex swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “He could’ve just said he wasn’t ready to be in a legit relationship.”

“What, you think that’s what set him off?” 

“Think about it, he admitted he knew about you having that piece for awhile, what changed expect getting closer to actually having to be in a devoted relationship?” Rosa pointed out. Alex shrugged slightly.

“Maybe. I think it was Sanders that tipped him over the edge.”

“Yeah, but that’s still stupid. If he’s going to take it out on you, then he’s a ticking time bomb and not worth your efforts,” she explained. He huffed a laugh.

“Says you. You dated a lot of ticking time bombs,” he pointed out.

“Which is exactly why I know,” Rosa said, “But maybe now’s the time to just… start taking a step back. He’s a piece of shit.”

Alex was hit with another wave of tears that he, personally, felt were pathetic. 

“I thought you liked him.”

“I do,” Rosa sighed, “Well, I did. He was super immature about that. And that’s coming from me.”

Alex laughed a little and tried to believe that she was right, sinking into her side a little bit more as they tried to change the subject. It didn’t matter how much they tried, though, because Alex’s mind was stuck on Michael. He didn’t want to sleep alone. Actually, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep alone. He already knew his night was going to consist of, staring at the cameras until the sun rose. 

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Rosa asked once it hit midnight. Alex had to be up for work in a few hours and, well, he needed to at least pretend he was going to sleep. So he smiled.

“Yeah, I’m a big boy, I can handle myself,” he insisted. She made a face and shook her head.

“Gross. Now get some sleep and if he tries to come here, I’ll kick his ass.”

“Sounds good,” Alex agreed.

Eventually, she went down into the bunker and he went to his bedroom. All the doors were locked, all the windows were locked, and all the cameras were on. He sat in bed, his laptop open as a distraction. He refused to lay down, unable to stomach the idea of smelling Michael on his sheets, and just scrolled through whatever would keep his mind distracted.

It was hard to rationalize how he’d fucked up so badly. He should’ve just told him whenever Michael asked if he was hiding anything. But, then again, wouldn’t Michael just find something else to be pissed about? Wasn’t that what he was good at? Maybe this blissful little blip in time was a fluke. Maybe this wasn’t real. Maybe they couldn’t have good things.

And yet, when Alex’s phone lit up with a text, he dove towards it like it was the last drop of water in the desert.

Michael: i’ll come get my stuff when you’re at work tomorrow.

Alex stared at it, waiting for more to come. Waiting for an apology or even an elaboration on anything he said or, fuck, he’d even be happy with anything other than that. He put his head in his hand as he waited, desperately needing something to tell him he hadn’t just been fooling himself this whole time.

Tell me you love me, Alex thought about typing, but he didn’t. That was desperate and he didn’t want to sound it. But, god, he wanted to hear those words again. Just one more time and he’d be okay.

And then the little text bubble popped up again.

Michael: it wasn’t a punishment. It was a distraction.

Alex realized then that he either had fallen in love with the stupidest man in the world or the cruelest.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 9: Little Graduation (originally posted on March 15, 2021)

AN: It's good to be back in business! Steven Universe: Alternate Future has returned at last, and with it, the plot begins to thicken. If I were to compare all four parts to RWBY, the previous one is Volume 1 (goofy fun times with some fighting), this one will be Volume 2 (a fine mix of both), Part 3 is Volume 3 (everything goes to hell), and finally Part 4 is a mix of Volumes 4 & 5 (dealing with the aftermath of Part 3, but things will get much better at the end.) Anyways, can Steven keep a lid on his negative emotions? How long before he learns what Black Rutile has planned for him? And will he be both physical and mentally strong enough to fight one last evil Gem? Tune in and find out!

Synopsis: As Steven prepares a party for Little Homeschool's first graduating class, his fears of growing apart from his friends slowly become reality.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Matthew Moy as Lars

Kate Micucci as Sadie

Indya Moore as Shep

Brian Posehn as Sour Cream

Lamar Abrams as Buck

Reagan Gomez Preston as Jenny

Erica Luttrell as Padparadscha Sapphire

Kathleen Fisher as Fluorite

Enuka Okuma as Rhodonite

Ashly Burch as Rutile Twins

Deedee Magno Hall as Morganite's Pearl

Charlyne Yi as Morganite's Ruby

Laura Bailey as Titanite

Michaela Dietz as Blue Lace Agate

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

--

"Teens by day, hey! We're all right." Steven began singing along to Sade Killer and the Suspects' hit song as he drove away from home one relaxing day in Beach City. "Teens by day, but every night we're Sadie Killer and the Suspects! Whoa, Sadie Killer and the Suspects!"

Steven continued singing as he drove through Beach City until he made a stop at Lars's interstellar pastry shop Spacetries. Today was a special day, and Lars was going to be an essential part of it.

"Hey, Blue Lace." Steven greeted the Agate as he entered the shop.

"Hey, Steven." Blue Lace replied with a wave. "If you're looking for Lars, he's right over there." She added before getting back to rolling some dough.

"Hey Steven, here to pick up the cake?" Lars asked while looking over the order Steven placed.

"Yeah," Steven answered. "but I also wanted to check up on you. How are things?"

"Oh, y'know, same old same old." The pink man replied just as the door opened behind the pair. "Wait, is that-"

"Hey Steven, hi Lars!" Sadie Miller cheerfully greeted the duo. When Steven and Lars turned around, they saw that Sadie had changed a lot since they last saw her. Sadie's hair was now fully blonde again and in a ponytail. She wore a pink headband, had a white shirt with a blue one tied around her waist, and black pants. "Long time no see, you two."

"Sadie!" Steven cheered at the sight of his old friend. "Oh my gosh, I can't remember the last time we were together in a pastry establishment!"

"Yo Sadie, I got your moon cakes." Lars said, presenting a box with a moon symbol on the sides to his former co-worker and handing it to her.

"Thanks, Lars." Sadie responded gratefully as she took the box of moon cakes.

"So, how are things going with you and Shep?" Lars followed up.

"What?" Steven asked, completely confused about who the pair were talking about. "Who's Shep?"

"Shep's my new partner." Sadie said to Steven. "They're real cool & chill, and I can't believe we've been dating for two months now!"

"That's cool, I guess." Lars said awkwardly. "Tell them I said hi for me."

"Will do, Lars." Sadie replied as she left the store. "See you again someday."

"Shep, someday?" Steven continued asking, still unaware of what was going on. "Is there something I'm missing?"

"As Sadie said, Shep's her new partner." Lars reiterated for his ex-girlfriend. "They met while the Suspects were touring, and love was just in the air for them from there. I met them myself, and I find it nice Sadie fell for someone who isn't a real piece of work like I was back in the day."

"Yeah, you were kind of a jerk back then." Steven chuckled nostalgically. "Which reminds me, why did Sadie say "see you again someday"?"

"Oh, that." Lars said, nervously rubbing his neck. "Really wish I told you earlier, but I'm gonna be going back to space once the Off-Colors graduate tonight."

"Wait, you're leaving Earth so soon?!" Steven gasped at the shocking news. "But what about the shop?!"

"Don't worry, Steven, I'll cover for him!" Blue Lace called from her counter.

"Thanks, Blue Lace! I always could count on you." Lars said to his employee before returning to Steven. "I'm just ready to move on, cause that's just life. You get what I'm saying, right? I mean, now that Little Homeschool is all finished, what do you wanna do now?"

"I, uh…" Steven began stumbling over his words at the thought of thinking about what to do next now that he's saved the universe from the Diamonds' tyranny and resolving most of his issues with his family.

"Hey, graduation cake's ready!" Lars declared, derailing Steven's train of thought. "See you tonight, Steven, okay?"

"Okay." Steven replied.

--

"When me and my partners first discovered fusion, it was the most wonderful experience any of us had shared, and couldn't bear to be torn apart from then on." One of Fluorite's components, a large green Gem named Titanite, said to an audience of fellow Gems and humans later that night at the big graduation ceremony. Behind her stood her lovers, Lavender Jade, Iolite, Rubellite, Indicolite & Verdelite, along with the Ruby & Pearl that make up Rhodonite, the Rutile twins, and Padparadscha Sapphire. "Even when we declared pariahs for our love, we refused to let it get us down. Now, centuries later, we're finally free to express ourselves without fear of persecution, and we couldn't be happier. Thank you, Steven, for everything."

The audience began cheering as Titanite bowed and returned to her partners to give them all a big hug, which resulted in them all forming Fluorite once again. "Oh my." She said slowly. "It really has been so long since we've been apart."

As Fluorite took her place alongside the other Off-Colors, Ruby and Pearl were next. "As Titanite said, fusion was the most wonderful time we spent together." The Pearl stated. "In fact, Fluorite was the first cross-Gem fusion just like us that we encountered, and our little Off-Color family grew from there."

"The Morganite we formerly served refused to let us fuse because she feared it would endanger her status until she finally had us replaced." The Ruby added. "When we got the news, we fled as soon as it was broken to us while Shattering Robonoids chased us down. But thankfully, we were able to survive, and now, here we are."

The audience cheered again as the pair of Gems kissed on stage, once again merging into Rhodonite before she took her place alongside the Off-Colors. Next to make a speech were the Rutile twins.

"My sister here and I popped out as one Gem due to some incident with the Injectors that created us." The left Rutile explained. "We weren't even supposed to live, but we did anyways because all the other Rutiles ran from us."

"We were nearly shattered right then and there, but Fluorite found a way to help us escape, and there we stayed." The right Rutile added. "At least, until Steven and Lars came into our lives, on the run as well. We helped them out, and they helped us in return. And we couldn't be more grateful."

As the Rutiles left the mic, Padparadscha Sapphire became the last Off-Color to give a speech. However, hers was a lot shorter. "I'm going to give a grand speech at the graduation ceremony tonight!" she declared brightly. "Oh, what fun!"

The crowd began laughing before Steven took the mic for himself and led Padparadscha away. "Thank you, Paddy, that was very moving." He joked, prompting more laughter. "We're all so proud to see our graduates grow and stay together as everyone goes their separate ways while moving onto bigger and better things. Well, besides me, of course. I'll be staying right here in Beach City, teaching the next generation of Little Homeschool graduates. Okay, now move those tassels!"

The Off-Colors each moved the tassels on their caps.

"Now, let's give a hearty con-grad-ulations to our first alumnae of Little Homeschool!" Steven exclaimed, prompting everyone to cheer.

--

Soon after, the Off-Colors left the stage while a party celebrating the ceremony commenced. Steven wandered around the beach, looking around at Gems and humans interacting before seeing Sadie interacting with someone he never saw before. They were dark-skinned and wearing a backwards cap, a crop top, nose ring, purple joggers, blue and white high-tops, four colorful bracelets, and a dark green backpack.

"Oh, hey Steven, I never got the chance to introduce you to my new partner." Sadie called for Steven. "I'd like you to meet Shep."

"It's nice to meet you, Steven." Shep greeted Steven.

"So, is it true that you and Sadie have been dating for almost two months?" Steven asked Shep.

"Yeah, that's true." Shep replied. "We met during one of Sadie's concerts a while back, and after exchanging numbers, things just fell into place."

"You know, some people say you don't really get to know them until you get stranded on an island with them." Steven chuckled, though Shep didn't get his joke.

"Uh, do people really say that?" Shep wondered. "Whatever. Sadie and I are going to get cake; then we'll perform at 7."

"That's right." Sadie laughed before the two of them left for some graduation cake. "See you then Steven."

"Wait a sec; I thought you were performing with the Suspects?" Steven halted Sadie for a bit.

"Actually, Shep and I are planning to do a song together." The ex-donut girl said, gesturing to her non-binary partner.

"Uh, cool. Can't wait to get it." Steven replied nervously.

"Cool." Shep smiled as they left with Sadie. "Catch you later."

Steven noticed Lars was also going to get some cake and tried to block his path. "I wouldn't go over there if I were you."

"Is something the matter Steven?" Lars asked his younger friend. "I mean, the cake was just what you ordered."

"No, it's about Sadie and Shep." Steven revealed while gazing at the couple.

"Oh, nice." Lars grinned. "I'll stop by and say hey."

"But, aren't you okay?!" Steven tried to call for the pink man.

"Aren't you?" Lars repeated Steven's question, causing the half-Gem boy to put on a fake grin.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Steven replied before he spotted Jenny Pizza sitting on the stage, having herself a drink. "'sup, Jenny?"

"Hey Steven!" the Pizza girl greeted Steven. "Looks like everyone's enjoying the graduation so far."

"Yep, everyone but me." Steven said sorrowfully. "I guess it looks like everyone's got something new going on."

"Yeah, it's not a bad thing, though," Jenny replied before she began pointing at both of her fellow Cool Kids. "Sour Cream has regular gigs as a DJ in Empire City." She explained while Sour Cream laid on Fluorite's massive head, and Buck conversed with Rhodonite at the refreshments. "And Buck's got into medical school, so he's gonna be saving lives in like, 20 years. Meanwhile, I've been going all out on my new phone jackets."

"What's that?" Steven asked before Jenny pulled out her phone, which was wearing a miniature coat to demonstrate.

"It's my new online business," Jenny explained. "We, and I'm using the royal we here, make the finest jackets suited for your mobile device."

"Aw, it's got little pockets!" Steven cooed in amazement at the jacket's features before he made another discovery. "And it's got its own little phone too! How are you going to find time to make and sell these?"

"Well, I'm gonna have a lot of time now that the Suspects are breaking up." Jenny casually revealed to Steven's alarm.

"Seriously, what?!" Steven yelled in shock.

"I suppose Sadie didn't tell you." Jenny guessed, just as Sadie and Shep returned from eating cake.

"Hey Steven, you ready for us?" Sadie asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure!" Steven suddenly remembered and walked over to the microphone. "So, is everyone having a good time tonight?" he asked the audience, and they cheered in response. "Who here's a Sadie Killer and the Suspects fan?! Cause tonight's performance only has one member."

"Oh boy." Lars muttered.

"So, please welcome to the stage," Steven continued, but then stopped to ask the two musicians. "Uh, what's your band called again?"

"We haven't thought of a name yet." Sadie admitted.

"Uh-huh, well, could've asked me." Steven giggled nervously before he began to walk offstage. "I'm really good at naming bands."

As Steven left, Sadie turned the microphone to her. "This is a little something Shep and I have been working on lately." She announced. "We hope you all like it."

"We will accept any criticism afterward." Shep stated when Sadie pointed the microphone to them before playing their recorder, cuing Sadie to sing.

"When I was younger and I hated fun," Sadie sang. "I was always looking back on what I should've done. I used to live my life in fear, of all the bad performances that led me here. But, I'm looking forward, I'm looking forward. I'm looking forward now."

While the song continued, Lars turned away from his ex on stage and proceeded to walk away.

"Lars?" Steven said to the donut boy turned space hero.

"Oh, hey Steven." Lars calmly greeted his friend, who began to run after him.

"Lars, wait up!" Steven called. "Hey Lars, where are you going?"

"I'm just gonna bounce, only wanted to spend time with the old gang before the Off-Colors and I go off-world," Lars answered. "Big parties really ain't my thing."

"But, you're leaving Earth tomorrow!" Steven cried as his body began taking on a faded pink hue. "When can I ever see you again?"

"You can see me whenever." Lars tried to assure Steven. "I've got the same powers as that lion of yours, so you can just pop out of my hair whenever you want."

"W-w-w-wait, please don't go!" Steven begged the space captain.

"It's been real Steven." Lars said farewell, or so he thought.

"Lars," Steven muttered before he fully turned pink. "STOP!"

Suddenly, Lars found himself bumping into a pink wall that slowly grew into a massive dome that trapped everyone at the ceremony.

"Steven, what's happening?!" Lars yelled as he pounded on the wall of the dome.

"I have no idea either!" Steven exclaimed in response.

"Really, you got no idea where this dome came from?!" Sour Cream yelled.

"Let's hope it doesn't end up like in that book!" Buck replied.

"I think this dome was created by someone having some powerful emotions, and I think we all know who it is." Steven declared before pointing to who he thought it was. "Lars!"

"Wait, what?!" everyone else gasped in shock.

"I don't think that's right!" Lars said defensively.

"No, I'm sure I'm right!" Steven lied to get out of opening up about his own feelings. "We won't get out of here until you work things out with Sadie! I'm pretty sure you guys haven't even talked since you got back, Lars!"

"We actually did, a few times." Sadie revealed solemnly. "Look, Steven, we did try to reconnect, but things just didn't work out between us. Plus, there's also the fact that despite how much we changed, we just weren't right for each other."

"Sadie knows I miss her, and I'm just too happy that she found someone to love herself." Lars added, prompting a touched reaction from Shep.

"And I know Lars is happier being with the Off-Colors in space." Sadie said.

"But when did this happen?!" Steven cried in disbelief. "I wasn't there for any of that!"

"That's because it was private!" Sadie answered.

"Yeah, I mean, you can't just stick yourself into other people's lives like the universe revolves around you and things only happen with you around." Lars pointed out. "Trust me; I know what that's like. Mostly the universe revolving around you part."

The crowd inside the dome was silent for a tiny bit, except for Jenny letting out a cough.

"But, I thought you were leaving because you were jealous of Shep." Steven broke the silence.

"I'm leaving because traveling through space is tons of fun." Lars declared. "Adventure is out there, as they say, and there's still tons of adventures for me and the Off-Colors to go on. Heck, we can even teach other planets what you taught us!"

"Okay, so there's nothing to work out then." Steven realized, but then he noticed something. "Hey, is it getting claustrophobic in here, or is it just me?"

The dome began to shrink more and more, despite everyone's best efforts to push it back.

"Steven, you want to get rid of this dome already?!" Rhodonite panicked while helping the Cool Kids try to keep the dome from shrinking.

"I'm trying, okay?!" Steven yelled anxiously. "Just gotta concentrate real hard!"

"Hey, Steven?" Shep stepped forward to comfort Steven.

"Not now, Shep, still concentrating!" Steven tried to ignore Shep.

"Please, listen to me." Shep urged the boy.

"Look, if I don't get rid of this dome quick, all my friends will die!" Steven screamed, now on the verge of tears.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Lars quipped in the possible face of death.

"Okay, but your magic's connected to your feelings, correct?" Shep theorized as they looked around them. "This is just a hunch, but it seems you made this dome because you're sad your friends are leaving, and want them to stay with you."

"I don't see what you're talking about." Steven replied.

"No, listen, you'd be surprised at how observant I can be." Shep assured Steven. "I think maybe you're figuring yourself out, and you want some friends to help you."

"Okay, you're right!" Steven confessed. "I've always been trying to help my friends, but now it seems like they don't need me anymore! I don't know who I am without them!"

"Aw, Steven, you're great. But you still need to let us go and live our own lives." Sadie convinced him while the dome began to squeeze them all together.

"I know, but I don't want to hold any of you back." Steven let out his current feelings as he felt himself get crushed between the dome and Fluorite's body. "I just can't help it if my big ol' heart still loves you all."

"Awww, Steven!" Jenny squealed in delight.

"We'll all still be friends." Sadie assured her little friend.

"Even if some of us are lightyears away." Lars added hopefully.

"You guys." Steven giggled before he returned to his normal color, and the dome finally disappeared.

"Hm, that wasn't the worst party we've been to." Jenny stated before she began to leave.

"Yeah, see ya Steven." Sour Cream added, beginning to walk away as well.

"At least there was no toxic air involved." Buck concurred.

"It was nice seeing you again." Sadie said, hugging Steven.

"Yeah, it was nice seeing all of you again too," Steven replied, now happier than he was earlier. "You two make a good couple."

"Hey, thanks." Shep replied gratefully. "You want a CD of our song?"

"How about a tape?" Steven suggested to them.

"Got your back." Shep said, handing Steven a tape of the song they just played. "Okay, take it easy."

As the couple left, Steven was now left alone with Lars. "Uh, Lars?"

"Gotta make this quick, Steven." Lars answered. "Me and the Off-Colors gotta," He stuck his tongue out and made a raspberry sound.

"First off, I'm sorry for what happened," Steven said meekly. "And second, do you think I can be a bit too controlling?"

"This coming from the guy who took over my body because you wanted me to be a nicer person." Lars chuckled. "But it's still cute you didn't want me to leave."

"I don't want you to leave!" Steven exclaimed.

"Hey, buck up Steven." Lars comforted the half-Gem. "As I said earlier, you can visit me anytime."

"It's just, for a second, we were all together on Earth again." Steven sighed heavily. "Maybe I just don't like graduations. Maybe I should leave Little Homeschool."

"Hey, come here." Lars then brought Steven in for a hug while the Off-Colors stood by watching. "Are you going to let go anytime soon?"

"Just a couple more minutes." Steven replied.

--

The next day, the Crystal Gems had begun welcoming new students to Little Homeschool. But Steven, having now quit teaching at the school, was still a little gloomy from last night.

While Sadie and Shep's song played in Steven's car, he drove out into the woods and then laid down on the roof, gazing up at the night sky. Just what was next for him?

--

"Lars of the Stars is back in business, baby!" Lars cheered as he once again made himself comfortable in the captain's seat of the Sun Incinerator. "So, what should we do now gang? Something good? Something bad? A bit of both?"

"You lead the way, captain." Rhodonite turned back to her human captain with a smile.

"Y'know what, let's just fly around and see what happens!" Lars declared after giving it some thought and ordered the Incinerator to blast off into the starry yonder.

Close by, another spaceship loomed behind the Sun Incinerator, and its captain had the Off-Colors by the tail.

"Finally." Emerald declared to herself as she spied on her prized ship flying around. "After so much waiting, I have you in my sights."

Emerald then pulled up a holographic screen that presented her with Black Rutile, and she eagerly awaited further commands from her cape-wearing master.

--

So opens the curtain on Part 2. Will we see Lars and the Off-Colors again, and will Emerald finally get her precious Sun Incinerator back? But enough about them for now, wait until later this part while we start dealing with more Earth-based matters, like plants for example! See you then!

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

[cycat4077]

Sheltering An Outcast

Summary: Sonny goes undercover during “Sheltered Outcasts” 17x19 Pairing: Sonny x Reader  Warnings: fluff and smoochies with a sprinkle of angst...and maybe a bit of Sonny in only a towel ;) Words: 2848 (sorry it’s a bit long...)  AO3 here

Part 6 of the Changes verse (but it can be stand-alone too). (Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5)

It’s evening and you're flaked out on your couch, an empty ice cream container sitting by the wayside, when your phone rings. "Hey Sonny, what's up?" you answer, spirits brightened by the sound of his voice. "Finally finished that difficult case you were working on?"

As you were discovering, some cases posed ridiculous hours, keeping the two of you apart with only the occasional evening together amidst the chaos. Text, calls and Skype eased the separation, but there was nothing better than physically being by his side.

"Yeah, it’s done," replies Sonny. "Thank goodness too. It was a tough one, doll." You hear a heavy sigh on his end and your heart goes out to him. "You busy?" he then asks hopefully, and when you answer in the negative, he adds, "Wanna spend the night?"

A rush of excitement spreads through you. Of course, you want to spend the night! Running around, you stuff a change of clothes into a bag and hop awkwardly, struggling to slip on your pants.

The commute over leaves time to reminisce about the nights you and Sonny actually do get to share at each other's apartments. They're sweet and intimate times. Nothing sexual, just precious moments together without any rush to go home.

Those times bring out the domestic side of Sonny too, being that he always makes sure you feel welcome. For instance, even though he blatantly detests peanut butter, you opened his cupboard one day to find a jar simply because he knows you like to eat it for breakfast.

You also love being privy to his little habits. After practically every shower, Sonny darts between the bathroom and bedroom having forgotten his clean clothes in the latter. With only a towel around his waist, he’ll tell you jokingly not to look, though you can't help sneak a peek at his bare torso still coated in a sheen of water as he runs by.

It’s all these little things that make you fall even more in love with him and excite you for a future with your Italian detective.

-x-

Arriving at Sonny’s apartment, he opens the door and you throw your arms around his neck. Enthusiastically, you pepper kisses across his nose and cheeks, purposefully leaving his lips for last.

Sonny’s smile stretches from ear to ear. Clearly, the affection you shower him with washes away any remaining stress from his latest case. "What'd I do to deserve all that lovin'?" he teases, taking your coat and closing the door.

"Hmmm…" you pretend to think on it. "Gotta be that Italian charm." Winking, you begin shimmying out of your pants, revealing pajama shorts underneath. You then glance over your shoulder and notice Sonny still standing by the door with mouth slightly agape. His baby blues are quite obviously glued to your behind. "Hey, detective!” you call out, batting your lashes and smirking. “My eyes are up here!" It’s hard not to take at least a little pleasure in flirty bouts like these since they never fail to flush Sonny’s cheeks or jumble his words.

"Y-yeah, I-I know, doll. It's just," he closes the distance towards you. "You're so beautiful." Sonny's voice seems to catch in his throat causing your heart to do the same in your chest. He reaches out to cup your face, a thumb brushing tenderly along your cheek. "I'm gonna miss this..."

Your eyebrows knit together. "What?"

Sonny shuts his eyes firmly as if he's guarding a confession and releases a breath through his nose. "I have ta go undercover for a while."

Your eyes widen. "When?!"

Your boyfriend rests his hands on your shoulders, bracing you. "Tomorrow." You pull yourself out of his grasp. "Doll, please!” he begs. “I just found out myself! There's been a few assaults around this shelter for convicted sex offenders and we need a guy on the inside."

How could he just spring this on you? A cramped space packed with ex-cons struggling to get their lives together hardly seems like the safest assignment. What if they don't believe his cover? What if they find out the truth? He could be bashed over the head and no one would give a damn! How could Sonny, a man without an ounce of evil in his body, ever pass for one of them? Sure, he could come off as a little brash sometimes, but not sex offender-levels of it! And how the hell long would he need to be there for, anyway?!

You don't realize that you asked that last part aloud until Sonny responds. "I'm not sure. It all depends on what we can find out and how fast. I hope not too long but who knows..." To say his demeanor is apologetic is an understatement. He isn't any more enthusiastic about this whole thing than you are.

"Why you?!" you protest, half frustrated, half terrified. "Because...because I need you to be careful, Sonny!" The way you say his name is more a desperate plea than an outburst of anger.

"I will! I promise! But I'm still technically the new guy, so it’s kinda on me to take the U.C. assignments no one else wants." And he's right. There's nothing he can do about it. You just have to cherish falling asleep in his arms tonight and pray he stays safe.

-x-

“What about this?” you ask poking your head out of the closet to hold up a tan and green plaid shirt. It’s definitely seen better days.

Sonny turns around from where he’s packing a duffle bag on the bed. “Yeah, that could work,” he agrees. “But where’d ya find it?”

“It was in this box back here labelled ‘Dom’,” you state, parting the dress shirts and suits hanging above your head for a second look.

“That’s dad’s stuff.” Sonny crosses the room and helps you tug the box free from the back corner. “Ma insisted I bring them along when I moved ‘because ya neva know when ya might need ‘em’,” he mocks, attempting his best impersonation of his mother. “I guess she was right.”

“Mothers usually are,” you quip before pulling out a faded pair of thick, denim jeans. “Will these fit?”

Sonny takes the pants to examine their size. “’Should,” he confirms. “They’re from the eighties or somethin’. Dad’s appetite for Ma’s cookin’ sure has made him pack on the pounds over the years…” he chuckles, stretching the waistline back and forth.

“Hey, now! Since I started eating your cooking my jeans fit tighter too!” you say jokingly as you pat your tummy in defence of the Carisi patriarch.

“Jean size doesn’t matter, doll, as long as the heart’s happy ‘n the stomach’s full.” Sonny’s blue eyes lock onto yours, delivering a sincere smile. “And my heart is the happiest it’s ever been.”

Your cheeks flush and you avert your gaze like a bashful teenager. You may not have supermodel proportions, but your heart flutters knowing that Sonny loves you all the same.

The old clothes are the perfect match for Sonny’s alias. Later, as the morning sun trickles through the New York City streets, ‘Dominick Smith’ joins you in the living room clad in an old grey hoodie and his father’s faded jeans. Things are a bit baggy but they’ll do. The two of you spend the next little while rehearsing ‘Smitty’s’ backstory, unnerved that Sonny has to be convincing as someone with such a disgusting past.

“Oh, I almost forgot the ring,” Sonny declares as he jogs to the case-info envelope on the table.

“Huh?” you question as your line of sight follows his movements.

He shakes out a gold wedding band and rejoins you. “Dominick Smith has a missus, rememba? And apparently he wants to better himself so he can go back home to her.”

“Oh, yeah,” you say foolishly, eyes glued to his finger while he delicately slips on the ring. You know it’s stupid, but for a moment your hopes were high and your heart pounded at the inside of your chest. You can’t help but wish the ring was real; that it would symbolize that he is yours forever.

Sonny’s eyes dart between yours and where they’re fixated on his hand. “You okay?” he asks quietly which brings you back to reality.

“Y-yeah,” you manage, forcing a smile.

He then reaches into his pocket and produces a key. “I hope you don’t mind me askin’, but since I dunno how long I’ll be gone for, would ya mind checkin’ in on my place every now and again? Y’know, just ta make sure that no one’s broken in or whateva.”

“Of course, babe,” you reply, accepting the key. But your clouded mind gets the better of you and your eyes widen when you realize your words.

“Babe?” he questions, a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I-uh…” You’ve never called him anything other than ‘Sonny’ since the two of you started dating and you’re just not sure if he’s comfortable with anything different.

However, before you have a chance to articulate an excuse, your Italian detective leans his forehead against yours and sneaks in a swift kiss. “I could get used ta you callin’ me that,” he grins. And you can’t help but giggle. This sweet man keeps giving you more reasons to love him.

With spirits lifted, you stand back and place a hand on your hip before drawing a finger up to your lips to study his appearance.

“What?” Sonny questions, scanning himself over self-consciously.

“Something’s not quite right…” You take a couple steps forward and tangle your fingers in his hair. It’s soft and uncharacteristically floppy without any gel. You continue to muss it up, carding through it and enjoying the texture.

“You done?” he asks, pursing his lips, unamused.

“Almost,” you utter as you poke your tongue out of the corner of your mouth. “There!” You step back to admire your handiwork.

Sonny leans over to glance in the wall mirror. A horrified expression overtakes his features. “What did ya do?!” he exclaims.

You throw your head back and laugh. “I made you look the part a little more, silly!” His dark locks now stick up in multiple directions.

Sonny narrows his eyes and gives you a hard look. However, the slightest of smiles plays at the corner of his mouth and you know he secretly enjoyed it.

Then Sonny’s watch lights up, giving off a beep which catches both your attentions. You know what it means and so does he. It’s time.

Tears begin to rim your eyes. “Please be careful,” you speak in a shaky voice. You wish you could protect him and keep him safe throughout this whole ordeal.

“I will be,” he reassures. “This will all be over soon.” Sonny steps towards you and gathers you in his arms. The two of you lock into an embrace and you feel a squeeze that’s filled with desperation. It’s then that you understand just how nervous Sonny actually is about all this. You hug him a little tighter, both clinging to one another like a life source.

“I love you,” he says lingering his touch along your arms.

“I love you, too.” You lean up and kiss him before burying your face in his chest for one last embrace.

-x-

“On my way home now to shower and change before I have to head back. So, I have a few minutes if you're free." Is what his text reads.

You don't think you've ever made it to Sonny's apartment in such record time. After five days of no contact and being consumed by a worry that made you feel like throw up 24/7, his return lifts a giant weight off your shoulders.

You eagerly knock on the door and a disheveled looking man in the same old grey hoodie and faded blue jeans opens it. His hair is greasy and he looks a little pale, though you suppose nearly a week of cruddy food and shoddy sleep will do that to a person. None of that matters, however, because a large smile of relief spreads across your face from knowing he’s safe and naturally, your first instinct is to jump into his arms.

But this time Sonny stops you. "Don't, doll. I stink,” he scrunches his nose in disgust.

A laugh bubbles free from your chest. "Okay, babe!"

"Lemme go shower 'n brush my teeth, then ya can kiss me," winks Sonny as he welcomes you into his apartment. It seems this undercover gig hasn't completely broken his spirit.

"Hurry up then, stinky!" you chide, hopping onto his couch impatiently.

Sonny runs off in the direction of the bathroom and in no time, you hear the whoosh from the faucet and spray of the shower.

A few minutes later, the water shuts off and a familiar darn it! resonates from within. You smile to yourself knowing exactly the cause and perch over the sofa arm to watch the show.

As predicted, the door opens and a billow of steam releases into the hall. The patter of wet feet follow as Sonny comes scurrying out, darting into the bedroom for clothes. You're about to unleash a cheeky catcall when you notice a large purplish splotch resting above the white towel tied around Sonny's waist. You immediately jump up to intercept him before he can duck back into the bathroom. "What the hell is that?" you demand, tone no longer light and flirty.

"What?" he questions, perplexed.

"That!" you point to his discoloured side.

He contorts to glance in the direction of your finger. "Oh."

You continue to stare him down when he fails to provide an explanation.

"It's nothing, doll," he lies, clutching his clothes to his chest. But your disapproving eyes forces him to confess. "Okay...I got jumped. It wasn't by the guys in the shelter though! It was outside 'n they were targetin' everyone they thought could be a suspect in the most recent assault."

They?! You're suddenly overwhelmed by his close encounter. "Oh my God, Sonny! Are you all right?!" He could have come out of this a whole lot worse.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It'll heal. Actually, it was one of the guys from the shelter who came to my rescue. Who knew..." Sonny's voice trails off as his mind drifts.

But all you care about is Sonny. Focusing on the bruise, you hesitantly reach out and give it a light touch. His skin is warm and damp, yet turns to goosebumps under your fingertips.

Sonny gazes down at you silently and you shift your eyes to meet his. It's only been five days but it feels like a lifetime since you've seen his handsome face. The gentle curve of his lips. The blueness of his eyes. Suddenly he feels so close. Nothing but a towel separates you. Your heart rate picks up as every inch of you aches for the man you love.

"I gotta go get ready.” The tension snaps with Sonny’s soft grin and breathy voice.

"I know," you say reluctantly. "I missed you."

"Missed you too, doll." His left hand finds the back of your neck, cradling your head as he leans down with closed eyes to place a kiss to your lips. Maybe it's the steam from the shower, but it's the type of kiss that makes your insides melt. Then Sonny parts and slips back into the bathroom.

Lightheaded, you make your way back to the couch and sit down. Twenty minutes later the door opens again and the Sonny Carisi you're most familiar with steps out. A three-piece suit and crisp tie. Slicked back hair and smooth cheeks. Though he looks perfect to you, Sonny is still fretting over his hair, combing it back at the temples to work in the last of the gel.

"How do I look?" he inquires, holding his arms out to the sides.

"Handsome as ever!" you give a cheerful smile.

Sonny grins. "Sorry I have ta run, but I need ta get back to the precinct. We've got a major lead in the case."

"All good," you wave dismissively. "I'm just glad you're all right and that I got a chance to see you."

Sonny echoes your sentiments while scurrying around to gather his things. You get up once he starts heading for the door. "I dunno when I'm gonna be back t’night," he frowns. "I'd love ya to stick around but don't wanna keep ya waitin'."

"No worries. Besides, you're gonna need a good night's sleep after almost a week in that place." You smile up at Sonny lovingly and take the apartment key out of your pocket. "Here."

"Nuh-no! That's your copy now, doll." He folds your fingers towards your palm, enclosing the key within.

"Really?" You're ready to burst with joy.

"Really," he confirms with a kiss.

"Well in that case," you smile against his lips, "maybe I'll sneak back in here tonight and we can indulge in some mediocre takeout and bad tv."

"Ya read my mind, doll,” he beams. “Ya read my mind."

Notes: Hope you enjoyed this one! It was originally just going to be angsty but I tried to liven it up a bit with some flirty stuff.

Also, here’s a bit of a preview of what’s next. Let’s just say that there’s trouble in paradise... (Full version up now!)

"Doesn't matter. I want to be with you -" "No." Sonny cuts you off firmly. It's the first time he's raised his voice to you in any way. It shakes you to your core, leaving a horribly sour feeling in the pit of your stomach. You try to dismiss it because you know he's tired and scared but the tears still fall when Sonny hangs up the phone.

[maximumninjavoid]

Mining for Unobtanium 33

Ah, the angst. Oh, here it comes. There’ll probably  be some more smut. But for now? ANGST. Angsty angst. Ninety three followers. Slowly creeping towards 100. Never thought I would see the day. Honestly.

WARNING. Angsty as f*ck. 18 and over, Adult themes. Teh Secks.

I found a job in Thailand, and was negotiating a start date for right around the time he went back to filming. I just hadn't figured out how to actually make my exit. I did what came naturally to me in difficult times. I got out the heavy weight paper, and the good pens and started to write. " Look, love, I've got to go. Its for the best, really. No woman worth you will start dating you with me lurking around, peeking out from behind potted palms. And I KNOW you want a family. A traditional one. Like everyone else in your family. You are perfect husband material, and you're going to be the most doting dad that ever there was. I hope you have a daughter. She will wrap you around her finger like taffy. And enough boys for rugby, of course. You know I still want to be a part of your life, I just know that it may not be possible. I promise you will always know where to find me, and if you really need me, I will always have your six. Text me the phrase we agreed upon, and I will drop everything and be right at your side, as fast as I possibly can. Whenever, wherever. That's my word bond to you. While I draw breath, I am yours. But, Hen, you must understand I love you far too much to keep you from your dreams, or worse, to have you wake one day and see those beautiful eyes tinted with regret or resentment. I couldn't bear it. Find a woman who loves you for you. If you retired, and built ships in boats ( and how DO they do that, anyway?) She should love you just as much as if you were fifty feet tall in Times Square. Make sure she's self entertaining. If you get lost on a quest, she needs to be able to find her own things to do, that she loves, and you'd best encourage those things. Share her passions like I know she will want to share yours. Don't fall for that stalker shite, sugar. I know, I'm going to tease you about that till the Fourteenth of forever. That's funny. Never let your PR people pick your dates. Somebody who's rude to staff or servers or underlings NEVER EVER gets a second date. If KAL doesn't like her, run away, FAST. Find a woman who makes you laugh. And who loves sex and intimacy as much as you do, and make sure she understands that those are two separate things. There will come a time when sex will not be as spontaneous, when you've got to work at making time to be a couple, and not mummy and daddy. Never take each other for granted. Appreciation and honest kind words go so far. Harsh words cause the deepest wounds, tear open the oldest scars. Be gentle with each other. If you can, make her part of your team, and you of hers. Support her work enthusiastically. If you're not worlds away, show up for her things, and the kids things. Nothing is as adorable as the performances of small children, and before you know it, they won't want to spend any time with you..Always foster her independence. It gives her room to grow and she will never run out of ways to contribute. If you give her more than three babies in four years, GET THE WOMAN SOME HELP. And for everyone's sake a nice OLD lady, older than I am. There is no win in the mixture of post partum depression, struggling to get your figure back and some chippie in your house falling all over your husband and "stealing your children".  And that woman who comes to help? Her NDA better be tighter than a camel's ass in a sandstorm. I'm trying so hard to not forget anything. I know you and I know once you read this you're going to be quite cross with me and I won't hear from you for a while. You'll be licking your wounds, as will I.” I stepped out to smoke, it didn't help. This was going to be ugly crying. I blew my nose, splashed cold water on my face, and soldiered on. I picked up the pen, not even enjoying the feel of a good pen in my hand, unappreciative of its heft and balance, giving no fucks about the way it glided across the page. I might as well be writing in my own blood. “Cross with me. My talent for understatement, I suppose. You'll be furious. And I'm sorry. I know, its insulting and insufficient. But I am sorry. And you know I would use the fragments of my broken heart to mend yours, but I am not wizard enough to make this what it can never be. I meant what I said. If you need me, I will be there.  Be honest with her, about what part I play in your well being.... That at some point you may need to surrender your control. That even Daddies need Daddies. And for both your comfort and your honor,  I can promise not to annihilate your marriage vows while providing that for you. You CAN do what it is we do with out sex. It just isn’t as fun. I don't think now that you've opened Pandora's box that it will close easily. I believe the things you've found there resonate too deeply for you to just dismiss them. It is why you came looking in the first place, because you knew that those pieces were missing, there were voids to be filled. But remember, you can’t play these reindeer games with everyone. This can’t get out, can’t be public, so be careful.  I know your heart, I have the measure of you. I have no concerns that you'll be callous or unnecessarily cruel. You'll find that edge and ride it like some fucking prize stallion in a steeplechase, but you won't ever be abusive and there will always be love and passion behind what you do, its who you are. Thank you my dearest, for allowing me the opportunity to pass on my skills, and my knowledge. The people that taught me would be so pleased to meet you, to see your heart, your passion, your skill. Bless you for letting me tell you my stories. I know now that they will not disappear. You will never know how much of a gift that was for me, and I can never repay you. All my love in this life and the next..... And I signed it. I folded it and put it in the envelope, and started gathering my things. Time was running out. I sent a box or two back to the States, made arrangements for someone to look after my house, and researched flights. I could be in Bangkok in less than three days, and with a negative Covid test, no quarantine. Going back to work would get me out of my own head, and I knew, if I stayed there, in my head;  very bad things were in store for me. They had sent my visas, my work documentation, they emailed my offer letter, and had sent an open ended return ticket. Most of what I needed I could obtain when I got there, and the idea of having a custom tailored wardrobe was very appealing. Plus,  its a rainforest jungle. Shorts and t shirts, wraps, sandals, not much more than that, really. Maybe a swimsuit or two. With my vacation days I could see all the places on my bucket list and or do medical tourism. Its funny, to be gone for this long and have it not be that big of a deal, in a pandemic. No one was even looking for me. Now I needed to start working on the Long Goodbye. When he came home that evening I had dinner waiting.  Kal's dinner too. I wasn't fucking around. Soft lights, candles, that red wine he liked, I wasn't going to miss a trick. I was all put together, everything shaved, lotioned, make up that looked like I hadn't any make up. I mean, I can't do fresh faced anymore. During dinner we talked and I worked so hard not to lose it completely. I smiled and laughed in the appropriate places, held up my end of the conversation. At the conclusion of the meal I started to tidy up and he followed me into the kitchen. Music was playing and I was humming as I did the dishes. I didn't realize he was leaning against the doorway, watching me. He crossed the space in just a few steps, one arm at my waist and spun me around to face him. I squeaked, startled. He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss, took my hand and danced around the kitchen with me ...... Henry singing  in my ear "Ooooh, I been missing you And the way you make me feel inside What can I do? I can tell you’ve got your pride now, baby Come to me (oh well, oh well) Let me ease your mind (oh babe) I’ve got the remedy, yes I do Now give me just a little time (Here in my mind, Girl, I wanna shake you down) I wanna rock you down (I can give you all the lovin you need) I’m gonna love you (Come on let me take you down) Oh well or well (We’ll go all the way to heaven)* Gregory Abbott “ Shake You Down” I was pulled up tight against him, one of his legs in between mine as we slow danced,  my head on his shoulder, I was practically purring. Back in the day we called that cock dragging. He led magnificently, I didn't think about how clumsy I usually was or where my feet were going, he just guided me around the kitchen singing to me, dancing. I looked up at him, lost in those deep soulful eyes....

" You were three when this song came out" I laughed. " I have several older brothers and the music you love brings back great memories. " As the song ended he dipped me, practically to the floor, and I didn't panic. His strong arms had me I was secure and knew I wouldn't fall. Well, not from being dipped.He ran his tongue up my sternum, between my breasts, up my neck to finally claim my mouth.

@indigosaurus​ @fishcustardandclintbarton​ @tinareher​ @whyyoudothistomecavill​ @littlefreya​ @angryschnauzer​ @dancingwendigo​

@michellemybelles-world​ @geraltsbottomsbottom​

[thecanadianowl]

Justice league Snydercut review

Wow talk about a long movie. Remember Mass Effect's 3 shit endings that were later improved (sorta) with DLCs. Well that is kinda how this movie is.

Before we start this, I just wanna say that I was very impartial throughout the whole snydercut movement. I wasn't part of it but I do see the good that they did in regards to some of their charities and with how the fandom itself has been painted in a negative light. So its good that they got what they have been demanding for quite some time. Snyder as director for me, I really am not the biggest fan of. His movies have some great cinematic moments that look amazing but the context around it is what muddles it for me.

Is it better than Whedon's JL? YES. To start I'll look at some of the things that I do like.

I do like how it was split into parts.  Gives it that miniseries/Comic book feel

Thank god they removed that stupid cringy flash landing on top of Diana's chest scene.

Darkseid looks good. I know some people have issues with it but I liked it. I mean looking at it first glance has me convinced its Darkseid. His voice isn't too bad either. Reminds me a bit of Injustice 2.

As much as I have issues with Darkseid being introduced so early I do like that he had a brief confrontation/glaredown with the League, foreshadowing a possible in person encounter and that the League needs to expand if they are going to fight against Darkseid.  

Steppenwolf's design has greatly improved and looks better than before.

Loved the scenes between Alfred and Diana.  Wish there was more of that.

I loved how the movie added Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash attempting to stop Superman from getting to Batman. I also liked how in this version,  Batman pleading to Clark's humanity telling him that world needs him and he needs to snap out of it.  Also bonus for taking out that scene of Batman on the ground groaning about how old he is getting.

Okay seeing Clark get the black suit and having the voiceovers of both his father's merge together works in terms of Clark's arc into becoming the person he was meant to be. Also like the use of Zimmerman's Ideal of Hope score wished they let it play out a little longer.  Probably my favourite moment in the film is where Superman just takes Steppenwolf's Axe like its nothing and freezes it.

Now to go into some of the more critical stuff that bugged me when watching.

For a movie that is 4 hours long, pacing issues were bound to happen. I think the first example of this can be found in the opening with the Superman scream wave (which started to get a bit hilarious when his screams could be heard every now and then) hitting all three mother boxes. they are shown individually reacting to it and it takes time, where it could have just showed them together or an compilation of each of the motherboxes waking up. I know it Snyder's thing but tone down on the slow mo. Like some instances its fine (like with bullet time or Flash's scenes) but other instances I'm just like alright I get it.

The scene involving Cyborg transferring money into that single mother's bank account. Is he gonna do this for all the people suffering just like her? or just for that one person? I mean if you can hack into the world monetary system, you can solve a lot of financial issues affecting  the majoirty and not just one person. Did I miss the scene but why did Cyborg go from helping one poor person, suggesting the potential good he can do to change the world for the better  to "Fuck the world". Seems a bit inconsistent in character. Especially since he knows who Diana is (from what he says)  and that Parademons are after the motherbox. Maybe her offering help, you should take it? idk Vic. Also the whole Auto defense system malfunction, would it not be better if this was established beforehand where we see Vic struggling to maintain his body's autonomy leading up to the Superman confrontation? Prior to that it seemed he had it under control and his biggest conflict throughout the movie seemed more to be with him coming to terms with his new body. With that being said, Cyborg's character here is much more interesting and better than it was originally. I can see why Ray Fisher is so pissed (well that and the abuse he faced).  I am glad this was improved and gave the character a lot more to do.

The movie still has the same issue as before in regards to the whole motherbox plot and how convenient it was that all three are located on earth. You would think that with the involvement of Darkseid/Steppenwolf that separating them to distinct locations across space would make it more difficult to collect them. I mean we know that the Green Lanterns exist (we saw one get chomped), you'd think that they or the guardians would take one and secure it on Oa. The pushback to this would be "well there was only one green lantern and he died, so how could they retrieve the box?" which begs my question, why send only one? I mean it has been established that Darkseid is a known conqueror of worlds, you'd think the Guardians would be smart enough to send more than one Lantern to aid Earth in their fight.  Did they not think it would be a good idea to have the corps be more involved/keep an eye on earth since it is the only planet that was able to repel Darkseid's forces?

Why is it that the best idea of security when it comes to humans is to bury it? Would it not be better in optics to look over it and know its location instead of dropping it somewhere on the off chance that someone might find it due to being  curious or the land changing/altering  making the box more easy to attain? A situation as dire/serious as this, you would think that the Amazons/Atlanteans would have been better prepped with armor/weapons for such an event. I mean you have the arrow of Artemis that shoots quite a distance to give Diana a message but not some kind of weapon that hurts/cripples Steppenwolf? Or better yet, how about the moment that the boxes started acting up after Superman's death, that Atlantis/Themiscarya would put aside any differences they had with one another and to the outside world to come together to secure the boxes?  How could Darkseid forget the name of the only planet that was able to force him to retreat? nor does he know that it harbors the anti life?

Did this movie break Aquaman's continuity? because from the dialogue between Mera and Arthur, its implied that Atlanna abandoned/left Arthur at Tom's doorsteps whereas in the movie,  we see Atlanna spend a couple of years with Tom and raising baby Arthur before she was forced to come back. You'd think Zack being a producer for the Aquaman  movie would have edited that line or made it more clear. Well that or James Wan F'ed up when making the movie.

"I've never seen a being as strong as Steppenwolf" Did Diana just forget Ares aka the god of war who killed the Greek Pantheon/Old gods and orchestrated the first World War? Hell from the looks of the flashback it seemed Ares (I'm assuming its Ares, if its Hades, my bad) was getting some good hits in on Darkseid, who is superior to Steppenwolf.  While we are on the topic of Diana, it's a bit odd that Snyder who  was a producer on WW84 where one of the biggest focuses on the movie that Patty Jenkins talked about was how Diana doesn't solve her problems with violence (even though her primary weapons in this movie are a sword and shield but okay. Then again New 52 hasn't done a good job in disproving that), yet in this movie we see her using her gauntlet smash to fucking kill the one remaining terorrist. Like sure you can argue that they were terrorists and deserve to die, but given how easy and quick it was for her to take out the previous guys, why do something that runs the risks of destroying the very building that you are in (with hostages). I mean from the look of the blast and how much debris fell from the building outside, and it was a miracle no one (but the terrorist) got hurt/killed.

Why did Steppenwolf  kidnap  them in the first place? Just use that mind extracting device you used on the Atlantean soldier to see if they know. Seems like a waste of time to collect them in one location only to interrogate them later.

Okay, I'm sorry but even in this cut I still don't like Miller's Barry Allen. He isn't as bad as he was in the theatrical cut but man does it stick out. When he is helping to escort the kidnapped civilians out, why doesn't he just grab them and transfer them to a safe distance? He even makes a comment about how slow they are going. Can I also just say how weird it is for Barry to take time saving Iris to caress her hair and look at her more creepily in slow mo? Like yeah its in slow mo but still I think your priority should be to get everyone to safety as quick as possible and check if anyone else could get hurt.  I will admit that Barry's speech as he is running so fast to reverse time at the end was really good. Tho the more I think about all the slow mo Flash scenes are good.

They still kept the "Let's use the mother box to bring back Superman plot". Why? This is a piece of tech that you don't fully understand how it works and you are going on the whims of someone you just met. Especially if they come back as a different person/mindset all together.  If Superman 's death was the reason that allowed for the Mother box to call to Steppenwolf/Darkseid, what the hell were they doing prior to Superman's arrival on earth? I mean we've seen how easy it was for Steppenwolf to attain the two boxes even if they were guarded, so why the wait ?. I get that Batman is going through an arc and trying to change from the person he was but how does go from "1% chance of absolute certainty" to "let's go on a whim and have faith" when it comes to resurrecting Superman? 

Its gonna be awkward as to how Clark will explain his sudden return from the grave around the same time Superman came back.

I was wondering when the Knightmare scene will play out. Jared leto's Joker isn't over with me, it seems way too try-hard to be edgy. Other than that yeah, not much I can say about it. Tho do we seriously need another iteration where Superman (or someone with Superman like powers) is evil?

I also love how nonchalant Bruce is about J'onn appearing in front him. However the revelation that J'onn was that army general all the time breaks so much of continuity (and just why now did you decide to show up and help and not idk the time Zod invaded and nearly  terraformed earth, HELL WHY TF DIDN'T SHOW UP TO HELP THE LEAGUE IF YOU KNEW ABOUT DARKSEID, I'M SORRY TO RAG ON BUT REALLY THIS CAMEO JUST OPENS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AN "PALPATINE WAS BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG" KIND OF THING ).

In terms of getting a sequel, I am not sure if WB is going to go through with it given that their current vision seems to be a different route than the one Snyder intended so who knows. Despite my criticisms I do believe this is Snyder's best DCEU film to date and probably one of his better films. You could tell that he put in a lot to make this. The movie itself does have issues mostly due to the plot surrounding the motherbox as well as pacing. I would say it's worth the watch at least once, though I think its best to watch it in doses rather than one sitting. Ultimately this is the version that we should have gotten and I can see why so many people who were supportive of Zack wanted or vouched for him to finish it. Regardless, I think the very least I am happy for Snyder. If you like Snyder's previous stuff, you will like this one, if you don't, your perception of the film won't change significantly other than some cool bits here and there.  

[prouvaireafterdark]

I'd love “Why wasn’t I invited?” for Malex!

Also on AO3

***

“Yo, Guerin!”

Michael’s head swivels in the direction of the shout, somewhere on the other side of the Wild Pony. He’s surprised to find a dude he’s never seen before waving him over to a table surrounded by a bunch of other dudes he’s also never seen before.

Michael approaches warily. The guy who called him over looks nice enough, even if his friends are all looking at him like they know something he doesn’t. Well, almost all of them. One man with dark hair has his forehead touching the table next to a mostly empty pint of beer.

“I owe you gentlemen money or somethin’?” Michael asks once he’s in front of them. He studies the faces around the table a little more closely. Military, if he had to guess, going off their regulation haircuts and built frames, but, yeah, still not ringing any bells.

Mystery Guy and his friends chuckle. “You picked a winner, dude,” he says and elbows his friend who currently looks like he’s trying to shrink himself out of existence. Who is also, Michael now realizes with a start, wearing a very familiar yellow flannel.

“Alex?”

Michael’s newly minted boyfriend lifts his head off the table, looking uncharacteristically sheepish.

“Hey, Guerin,” he says with a blush on his cheeks, eyes a little unfocused from the beer he’s clearly been drinking.

Michael feels the urge to sweep Alex’s bangs off his forehead and muss his hair a little, but he’s not about to violate their PDA rule, especially not in front of his Air Force buddies.

“Hey,” Michael smiles at him before his eyes dart to their audience and the table littered with pitchers of beer and a box of store-bought cookies someone must have sneaked in. “Looks like there’s a party going on over here. Why wasn’t I invited?” he asks before he can stop himself, before that voice in his head tells him that maybe it’s because Alex doesn’t want him here.

A wave of hurt washes over him, tightening up his chest, at the realization. If Alex wanted him here, wanted him to meet his friends, he would have texted him. He would have invited him, but… he didn’t. And when Michael showed up, he even looked like he was trying to hide. Michael suddenly feels like his entire world has been thrown off balance, the only thought ringing in his head that Alex doesn’t want him.

Mystery Guy breaks through his thoughts with a bright grin. “Well, I think you just were, man. Have a seat,” he says, gesturing to the empty space on the bench beside Alex.

“Nah, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Michael says, smiling through onslaught of negative thoughts swirling around his head. “You kids have fun though.”

“What? No, Michael—“ Alex says abruptly, his hand reaching out to circle around Michael’s wrist as he turns to leave, his brow creased in confusion when Michael looks back at him. “Stay.”

“You sure you don’t mind?” Michael asks him, hesitant and searching Alex’s expression for any sign of insincerity.

He finds none as Alex assures him, “Of course not,” with a smile and releases his wrist to grasp his hand.

“Okay,” Michael says, his doubt slowly melting away under Alex’s unflinching gaze.

“Good, it’s about damn time we got to know the infamous Michael Guerin,” Mystery Guy says.

“Seriously,” another guy agrees from down the table.

“Infamous, huh?” Michael asks as he sits down beside Alex, surprised to feel Alex’s hand settle on his knee under the table without hesitation. His touch relaxes Michael considerably, makes him feel grounded again.

“Oh yeah,” the guy across from him answers. “He wouldn’t tell us your name at first, but we’ve known about you for years now.”

“Alex’s one who got away,” Mystery Guy sighs dreamily.

“Guys,” Alex complains, but he’s smiling as he does. “Can you not?”

“No, no, I wanna hear this,” Michael says, leaning forward and propping his elbow on the table, his chin resting on the heel of his palm. “Please, go on.”

And go on they do.

It’s not like Michael doesn’t know that Alex continued to have feelings for him during the decade they were apart, but getting confirmation about it from these strangers, Alex’s friends, makes it more real somehow, like their connection exists to more people than just the two of them. The thought warms Michael from the inside out, his insecurities from a moment ago forgotten. Alex loves you, he reminds himself.

Michael also learns that Mystery Guy’s name is Tom. He and the rest of Alex’s friends—Carlos, Jimmy, Ryan, and Gabe—go on to share stories about what a stone cold badass Alex was in the field and all the shenanigans they got up to overseas, mercilessly teasing one another the way only people who have fought and bled together can.

It’s nice, getting to know the people that were there for Alex when he couldn’t be. Before long, though, it’s late and several of their number have an early morning so they go their separate ways with tentative plans to do this again sometime.

Michael offers to drive Alex home even though he’s more than likely sobered up enough by now to drive himself. Alex smiles at him and takes him up on it.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Alex asks as they walk through the parking lot toward Michael’s truck.

“Yeah,” Michael answers. “It was nice to put some faces to the names.”

“Good,” he smiles. “I’m glad you stayed.”

“Me too,” Michael agrees.

It’s not until they’re sitting in his truck, Michael’s hand about to turn the key in the ignition that Alex asks him, “How come you almost didn’t?”

“Hm?”

“Earlier, when you first saw us, you seemed—I don’t know. Sad, for a minute there. Is everything okay?”

“I wasn’t sad,” Michael lies, and Alex frowns at him.

“Michael,” Alex says softly. “Talk to me.”

Michael chews on his bottom lip and looks down at the dashboard. “It’s nothing,” he shrugs.

“Bullshit,” Alex says, cupping Michael’s face in his palm so he’ll meet his eyes. “What happened?”

“It’s stupid.”

“If it made you upset, it’s not stupid.”

Michael sighs in resignation. “Why were you hiding when I came over to the table?”

“Hiding?” he asks, head cocked to the side.

“Yeah, you had your head on the table like you were trying not to be seen when your friends waved me over.”

“I wasn’t hiding,” Alex explains. “You just—Gabe caught me staring at you when you walked in and they started teasing me about it. And then when they called you over I just thought ‘fuck, now they’re gonna give both of us shit’ and I was just being a little dramatic about it.”

“Oh.” Michael lets that sink in a minute.

“Why?” Alex continues. “What did you think the reason was?”

Michael hesitates.

“Michael, please,” Alex whispers. “This isn’t gonna work if we keep holding back with each other.”

It’s that, the suggestion that Alex will leave him if he can’t learn to communicate, that finally rips the truth from Michael. “I thought… I don’t know, I thought maybe you didn’t want them to meet me, that you didn’t… want me there.”

A stricken look passes over Alex’s face. He swallows before he says, “Michael, come here.”

“What?”

“Come here,” Alex repeats, and pats the part of the bench nearest to him. Michael scoots over and when he’s close enough Alex throws an arm over his shoulders and pulls Michael even closer so they’re flush together, hip to hip.

“I love you,” Alex says, looking at him right in the eyes so he knows he’s telling the truth. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah, of course, I do,” Michael nods, and he does, even if he needs the reminder sometimes.

“If—if you’ve ever doubted that then that’s on me and I’m so sorry—“

“Alex, it’s okay—“

“It’s not okay!” Alex counters, outraged. “I never want you to feel like you’re not loved or wanted or—“ Alex’s pitch has risen, his voice growing thick with emotion and Michael reaches for him, pulling him into a fierce hug.

“I don’t, Alex, it’s okay,” Michael murmurs in his ear as Alex clings to him. “I know that you love me. I just thought maybe you weren’t ready to have your Air Force buddies meet your delinquent boyfriend, that’s all.” He says it like a joke, but Alex makes a small noise of protest and pulls back to look at him.

“I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m ashamed to admit,” Alex says at last, his voice shaky, “but loving you has never and will never be one of them, okay? Every single day, I’m proud to be with you.”

Michael closes his eyes, utterly overwhelmed by the truth of Alex’s words, the love in his heart almost too much to bear. No one’s ever told him that before, and honestly? After years of feeling like Alex’s dirty little secret, it’s something he really needed to hear.

He feels Alex’s fingers on his neck and allows himself to be pulled back into his embrace, settling against him with his left hand curled around Alex’s hip.

“And you say you’re not good with words,” Michael says into the collar of Alex’s shirt.

Alex laughs softly and pets his hair. “You’re staying over tonight,” he says, voice matter of fact as he kisses the crown of his head. “And when you wake up, we’re going to the Crashdown for breakfast.”

“Oh yeah?” Michael asks, interest piqued.

“Mhmm,” Alex confirms lightly. “Gotta show off my gorgeous, delinquent boyfriend, don’t I?”

Michael laughs and holds on to him tighter.

[artificialqueens]

There's No One There, 3/? (Group fic) - Marmalade

Summary: One student missing multiple classes without warning can be explained away but when more girls start disappearing, it can’t be dismissed. Jaida, Jackie, Gigi, and Crystal may not be friends but if it’s to figure out what’s going on, they’re willing to work together.

A/N: Hii, I’m just going to make a habit of putting the summary in front of each submission. In other news, I’m not vibing with the pen Marmalade but I haven’t figured out a new name yet and we’ve reached a point in the story writing where I’ve had to make a separate notes page to keep my flow right. I’ve been trying to come up with an all girls boarding school mystery for ages now and it feels good having one.

—–

The search for Widow kicked off to a worrying start. Gigi chose to accompany Crystal, mainly to avoid stepping in mud with Jaida and Jackie as they walked around the school asking about Jan. Widow hadn’t been in any of her usual spots and none of the four shared a class with her after lunch forcing them to resume their search after the school day had ended. Their final bet was checking her dorm.

“What’re we gonna do if we go and she’s not there either and we have another missing person?” Crystal asked as she reached into her pocket to pull out some of the candy she had grabbed yesterday. Gigi was keeping a few feet of space between the two of them in the hopes that it wouldn’t seem like they were hanging out but Crystal’s outstretched arm offering her pieces of candy destroyed the illusion. Gigi begrudgingly took the piece of candy and inspected the label.

“I don’t know. Tell the others and wait for them to come up with a plan instead?” Crystal let out a laugh. “…What flavor is duranzo?”

“Peach? Ooooor maybe orange? I don’t know, my mom never actually taught me Spanish. I just know that brand’s like, good fruity taffy things.”

“Oh, can’t then.” Gigi handed the piece back to her.

“How come?”

“Does it matter? We’re trying to find a missing girl; are we close to Widow’s dorm yet?”

“Yeah! It’s just a little farther ahead!” Crystal powerwalked down the hall until she arrived at her friend’s dorm, her curled hand raised to knock before she stopped. There was a whisper behind the door, she heard it but couldn’t make out any details, and she waited a moment for the voice to speak again but nothing else came. Gigi had caught up to her so Crystal finally knocked.

“Widow, are you thereee?”

There was a faint sound of shuffling before the door opened and a sudden chill took both girls by surprise. At first the door only cracked open, Crystal leaned to the side to flash a smile and the door opened wider, revealing Widow to be thankfully not missing. There were dark circles under her eyes but she somewhat returned the smile before she spotted Gigi, her brows knitted together.

“Since when do you two hang out? Whatever- what do you want?”

“Since now, sort of.” Gigi interjected.

“I wanna know what’s been bothering you! A lot of weird stuff’s been going on and I’m worried about you.”

Widow let out a quiet, wheezy chuckle and shook her head.

“What’s so funny?”

“Well, for starter’s you brought someone neither of us know basically at all to have a serious conversation.”

“We can talk in private if you want, can I come in?”

Widow looked back into her dorm and then to Crystal. “…Now’s not a great time for that.”

“Why, who were you talking to in there?”

Widow opened her mouth but closed it without saying a word. Her eyes narrowed inquisitively and she looked over Crystal’s face like she was trying to find something. “You wanna know what my problem is? This damn school. The same walls, the same people, the same shit every god damn day, it can drive a bitch crazy and this place is damn good at it. Trying to make sense of it is a complete mess.”

“Maybe it’s a mess because you’re trying to do it all yourself?”

“…Fine.” It was only one word and yet it made Crystal’s face light up. “I’ll tell you because I know you won’t judge me if I tell you but I don’t know Gigi like that. Not here though, the walls have got ears or something, just meet me in town this weekend, okay?”

-

“I can’t believe we haven’t found a single witness. It’s not like she could jump through space.” Jackie said as she wrote another name down on the list. They knew the walk around the school was unlikely to turn up any tangible clues but both girls had expected to find some students that would be able to provide useful information. Jackie had been able to gleam was that Jan had now missed two full days of class without anyone seeing head or tails of her but that was about it.

They made their way back to the school’s entrance, curious if Crystal and Gigi had better luck then them. Standing in the doorway was Vice Principal Visage, they passed by her without paying her any mind only for her to stop them.

“Jaida, Jackie, will you both come with me?” She phrased it like she was asking but the both knew they had no option.

“What did we do?” Jackie asked but Miss Visage didn’t answer, only spinning on her heels and beckoning them after her, keeping them in silent suspense as they made their way to the principal’s office. Jackie gulped and held her notebook close her chest.

Crystal and Gigi sat on chairs outside of the headmaster’s office and got onto their feet upon seeing Miss Visage. She opened the door to the headmaster’s office without knocking and poked her head in. “The girls are here.”

“Send them in.” Miss Visage swung the door open and ushered them inside. At his desk was the headmaster, Rupaul, his fingers steepled together. There were only two chairs in front of his desk and the girls weren’t sure which two of them ought to sit down, or if they even should sit.

“I’ve been hearing that you four have been really on edge recently, care to tell me what’s this all about?”

There was a beat of silence before all of them but Gigi stumbled over each other trying to explain. The headmaster put his hand up to silence them and then gestured to Jackie to go first.

“Sir, last week Nicky stopped showing up to classes and now Jan’s missed two days’ worth of classes. Both of them were acting out of character before then and, well, we’re concerned that something might have happened!”

The headmaster didn’t respond right away, instead twisting his fingers together. Finally, he stood up and turned to the cabinets behind him, patiently going through them until he deposited two files onto his desk and sat back down, pressing his hand down on top of the manila folders.

“Giving out student information to anyone outside of their immediate families is a violation of student privacy…” A small, reassuring smile formed on his face. “-so, this doesn’t leave this office. Let’s see…” He picked up the first folder and looked through it. “Ah, Nicky. I’m sure you’re aware that most of her family still lives in France, her sister is getting married and from the sound of it, Nicky was left out on a lot of the planning. She left on a flight last Thursday for the wedding but between you and me, I think her parents are letting her skip more class than necessary, and she’s scheduled to return by the time class starts up after the break. Going to be interesting to see how she catches up on all her missed work.

Now Jan, Jan had been coming in to see the counselor a few times. Juggling grades with extracurriculars and her social life got overwhelming I suppose. One of the campus security guards caught her trying to leave campus without permission and we contacted her parents. After a long discussion they decided to have Jan sent home, now they’re trying to decide if returning to school is still the right choice for Jan, unfortunately, we’re expecting their final answer sometime during the break.”

“But- that doesn’t sound like the Jan I know!”

The headmaster hummed and nodded, putting the folders back in their places. “Do you girls know why you’re here?”

“In the office?”

“At this school.”

“Be…cause you don’t charge tuition?” Gigi replied dryly with a raised eyebrow.

“Because we saw something great in each and every one of you. The girls at this school aren’t here because they have the highest test scores or because their parents shelled out a lot of money to put them here, they’re here because each of them has the potential to do something amazing in whatever field they choose. That’s why we try to keep the school’s cost as low as possible, so that girls who otherwise wouldn’t have a chance can have this opportunity. This school is hard, you knew that when you applied but the sad truth is that not everyone can handle it.

All those voices in your head that tell you ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you should quit’ that’s your inner saboteur trying to tear you down. Your job is to quiet those voices but some girls can do it better than other. If you ask me, you four need to worry about yourselves. In a matter of days, you’ve managed to make yourselves completely paranoid. Put down the magnifying glasses and go do something you enjoy! Like you, Crystal, I know you’re an artist. I’m going to challenge you to put all that creativity onto a canvas. This goes to all of you, I want you to find an outlet for all this negativity because what you’re doing now isn’t helping. Okay? Now get out there, go learn something, kiddos.”

The four girls were released back into the hall where they found themselves rooted in thought.

“So that’s it?” Gigi was the one who broke the silence. “We worked ourselves up over nothing? Two days of anxiety and work that we didn’t have to put ourselves through?”

“Maybe we all just wanted there to be a mystery that we filled in the blanks?” Jackie conceded. She feathered through the pages of her book until she found her page of notes. It felt absurd now, childish even.

“Look, child, maybe we did go off the rails but-! If something had happened, we would have been on top of everything. Of course, now we’re getting court marshalled to find hobbies but you know.” Jaida’s lips pulled into a smile and she laughed but no one really joined in.

“Guess we’re done then. No more of-“ Gigi gestures vaguely to the group. “-whatever this is. We can go back to our normal social circles now.” It was an odd realization, none of the girls had ever hung out with one another and yet they fell so quickly into a groove for the sake of a mystery. Now that the mystery was gone there was nothing to keep them together anymore. An awkwardness settled between them like the strangers they were until it was so heavy that they were repelled to their separate directions.

Crystal had remained quiet through out the dissolving of the group, even if they were wrong about Nicky and Jan, Widow still had something going on and Crystal was going to talk to her friend about it. As she took her leave, Crystal heard a hushed murmur and stopped, looking back over her shoulder at the other girls but they were already out of earshot with no one else in the hall.