#i wanna call myself an asshole like i always do but i cant even do that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sylsaccount · 2 months ago

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rare ramble post

it is so hard to be like. yes i am a trans woman. yes i believe that i am biologically male. yes i hate males and i am literally kam about everything. yes i do not think of myself as a man but if someone were to ask me "does kam include all male people in general" i would say yes bc its kind of biased for me to say no and i dont think its worth it to spend the resources to figure out the like 0.001% of good ones. not that kam is a thing i realistically believe in just like. theoretically you know. idk.

its weird trying to live mostly separatist but not earnestly being part of the group u wanna separate with you know? and like. i literally dont believe in gender yet i am a gender haver. that is simplifying it for sure, its not like the way i think about things isnt consistent, but on the outside it seems like i dont make any sense. i dont get along with most rad-aligned ppl for obvious reasons, and i dont get along with other trans people for obvious reasons. ive met a lot of detrans folks lately that i get along with, but i am not and i doubt will ever be detrans myself.

ig i should say i dont get along with trans women, not trans people lol. ive known plenty of trans men over the years, some of which have been close friends. the truth is 99% of trans women act "like males", at least in my experience. and like. i just cant deal with that lol

i just made a post saying im the only real gender abolitionist so its kind of funny that i say "like males". i am not a biological essentialist nor do i like calling behaviors "masculine" or "feminine". yet any woman reading this knows exactly what im talking about. even the ones that claim to be the "good ones" that are "actually women" etc. are walking caricatures. if i have to see one more instance of that hsts slaaay yassss motherrrrr i love sabrina carpenter shit i will blow my brains out (you are fortunate if you have not encountered this group. i personally find them just as evil as those knee sock programmer catgirldick types)

i cant help but wonder if someone similar to me from an outside perspective would judge me the same way, u know? a lot of my interests are stereotypically male, i am autistic, i am kind of an asshole. ofc at the end im always like. well i have actual feminist values and i cant stand males and i always prioritize women over everything so like. its just me being anxious over nothing i think.

this is mostly unrelated but ive also been thinking a lot abt the ppl who follow me. ive had an influx of followers as of late, but there r others who have followed me for a long time. its kind of funny looking through... i have ppl that i know for a fact hate trans ppl. me being trans is not something ive ever specifically hidden, but its also not something i bring up a lot. i just realized bc of that weird anon the other day that its the first time ive explicitly mentioned it on my blog in a couple years. i couldnt help but be worried abt it! at the same time, i have some old friends i dont rly talk to anymore... a couple of which, despite knowing that i am respectful towards other individual trans ppl and that i am not truly transphobic, im sure have taken issue with the types of things i reblog and strongly personally disagree. yet as im looking over who im following, it doesnt look like ive lost mutuals from either camp.

id like to talk to more people too. its hard to dm people for me, as i think it is for many people here. i have some mutuals i would love to talk with, but i am kind of an ass, and they are kind of an ass, and thats why we follow each other, so its like... they may not even wanna be bothered like that u know? i know what its like when u have some coworker or acquaintance u like well enough but then they start trying to be buddy buddy with u and they become a nuisance. i dont wanna be that!!! i am extremely misanthropic myself so its easy to imagine being on the other end

my friend group (some irl and some online) has a little discord group chat we use. we just added someone new and its been very nice. i really do love meeting new ppl when i vibe with them...

u could say. sylvia why dont u just go meet people irl. well, unfortunately, i cannot tell people irl that i have extremely regular homicidal fantasies and think 50% of the population should kill themselves. i cant rant abt all the dystopian shit i am subjected to on a regular basis, bc they dont view it as dystopian. i cant even discuss my own life and perspectives on things because SOMEONE is going to have their feelings hurt (despite me being the one who has trauma abt it -_-). on the computer there are lots of intelligent people with interesting lives who r also kind of losers and hate everything. i like those people.

i dont rly have a point on any of this. just thoughts ive been having.

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stargazer0001 · 9 months ago

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there is something deeply wrong with me but I dont know what it is

like bestie im not talented im traumatized. Im not wasting a gift im trying to keep myself from plunging a knife in my chest and bleeding out in my bed. Like void, please shut the fuck up.

but then when other people vent to me, even if I TRY to care, I just dont. Like im sorry. I want you to feel better. But wtf am I meant to do. Like sorrows, sorrows, but I cant even deal with my own emotions what makes you think I can help with yours???????? And then I TRY. I TRY to help knowing that I cant, I TRY to care even though I dont, I TRY to make it known that I want them to feel loved and cared for, but nothing works. And then I feel like a piece of shit who deserves to rot away in a corner for all eternity!!!

Oh and speaking of rotting away, SCHOOL. I can't pay attention. Like if its not interesting I just zone out and start questioning my reality. And then im like 'wtf are we doing now'. Its actual torture what. And when I TRY to pay attention and actually LEARN I literally just end up drawing on my paper or my mind starts to wander. BUT THEN THE FUCKING THINGS MY TEACHERS ARE SAYING MAKE NO SENSE!! LIKE GIRLIE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME THROUGH A THOROUGH STEP MY STEP PROCESS HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS. And then I DONT SPEAK UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HAND CHOPPED OFF THEN SPEAK TO A TEACHER. Like. Then, everyone else seems to immediately understand everything?? Some people talk back to teachers??? Some people WANT to talk to teachers??? Who are you and how. Oh and then my classmates??? Literally horrible. I want them to die. Thankfully i have a couple friends in my classes which makes it a bit more bearable, but NO KEENAN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, STOP DANCING AND SCREAMING, STOP BEING SO UNBEARABLE, STOP BEING A DICK. LIKE DUDE I BET YOU DONT EVEN GOT ONE. LITERALLY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. And its this one certain friend group who is actually the WORST. Like im TRYING to pay attention and then all of a sudden one of these kids starts yelling at another, stuff is thrown, and nothing gets done. BUT THEN THE TEACHERS DO NOTHING. THEY DONT CARE. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE TALKS EVEN ONCE ITS IMMIDIATELY PRINCIPLES OFFICE???? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST KILL ME.

oh and then out of school isn't even better at all. I just want to waste away in my room. Everything always hurts and I just want to be with friends but I know that nobody can or wants to hang out with a sad waste of oxygen like me. And then when im trying to go to bed I just hear the crashing of glass, my parents having a screaming match, and then my mom going back to drinking her sorrows away while my dad continues to try and sleep. Like please im so tired just let me go into my happy place and attempt to die in my sleep. And then whenever its even around 6:00 my mom immediately starts acting drunk even if she's had nothing so what the fuck is up with that. And then she tries to gaslight me into doing things??? Like at this point im immune. I dont even give any fucks anymore because I tried doing that and it just got me hurt. So why even care anymore. So what the fuck is the point in trying to live laugh love when I just wanna off myself. Like no. Die cry hate is my new motto at this point.

and then, to top it all off, if I try venting ANYTHING to the one person I know who understands, he just asks 'oh, is it your time of the month?'

like please just kill me at this point. Take me out of the hell called living. Im so close to just dying please help.

#vent #holy fuck this is long but I needed to just get this out #i know I shouldn't vent online but I have nobody to talk to this about and I dont got any bottles left to put this in #Star.TXT document #pleease dont be concerned abt me its just me being not okay again #its just this time i posted about it

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troph4eum · 7 months ago

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Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

#music #philosophy #trophaeum #ilyjin #SoundCloud

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tears-of-boredom · 1 year ago

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played the first two episodes of Tell me Why today. damn. still wanna know the context behind why they call her by her first name. and also i kept calling Tyler gay in my mind and i kept reprimanding myself for that because its not a good habit to call literally every dude gay. but also...was i wrong. see if you call every single dude "gay as fuck" you'll be right some of the times at least. world philosophy right there. i have no idea what "world philosophy" means. i just say shit and hope it sounds right most of the times. oh and also i feel bad cuz i dont remember alyson's friend's name, like i somehow mi.....its michael isnt it. yeah theyre name is michael. at least i hope so. anyways so their vibe is so me. like we are on the same wavelenght vibe-wise. except i dont got game like him. man has rizz not gonna lie. smooth mother fucker. i did blush at those dialogues. you know the ones if youve played ep2. my mans got rizz like no other. also he's hot. and has a septum piercing. and i did call him gay as well just out of habit. tbh i really missed the opportunity to call alyson gay. i need to get on that tomorrow when i continue the game. to be honest i think its because i call attractive people gay. i dont know why really, but if i see an attractive person, i will call them gay as fuck. ig because in those moments i myself feel gay? idk. and sorry alyson, ig youre just not my type. girl's real pretty but i like my women with a bit more moustache ya know. and that isnt a way to say that i dont like women. i mean that whole heartedly: i lfind women who have moustaches attractive. mostly just because facial hair looks good on about anyone. clean shaven face aint my thing just in general. which is why im so fucking sad that i cant grow shit on my face. like bro cmon i have testosterone in me. atleast some amount. give me a fucking moustache.

anyways yeah i forgot to say that tyler is hot too. and also one thing is specific: theres one scene where i got this vibe that he wasnt angry at a person because there was a reason to be angry at them, but because, well,, when youve been angry at someone for so long, and people confront you about it, sometimes you just get stuck on like, defending yourself. defending your anger. even if there isnt a reason for it anymore. you dont want to feel like all the time youve been angry at them, you were wrong to be so. and when you get riled up, its hard to calm down and regocnise that forgiving someone in the present, doesnt invalidate the feelings you had of them in the past. and you just get stuck having this tunnel vision where you are angry at this person. doesnt matter why, you just are. because youve always been angry at them.

yeah so, i was probably just reading into that scene a bit too much, but i just related real hard alright. its the one with tyler and alyson talking to brown for the second time. it just fucking hit me. and then there was that later scene with tessa. and,, the vibes were just different. it was much calmer, and no one said anything that would've made him feel the need to be defensive. they had a conversation. and i think, if tyler and brown could manage to let out their steam, and then have a calm conversation, tyler would probably forgive him.

i just. i know that feeling so well. being mad at someone just because, well, you hate them. and you dont even remember why, but wouldnt you be such an asshole if this whole time youve been angry at them for no reason. so you double down. think that whatever it is that made you hate them, it was bad enough to warrant your grudge. and you nitpick all of their actions to find little things that annoy you, or something about their behaviour you didnt like, or maybe you didnt like the tone of voice they used that one time. and when your anger is running out of steam, you remind yourself of all those little things. and its hard to talk to anyone about it, because everytime you do, you find that there isnt really a reason for your feelings. and confronting that is hard, especially if youre doing with the person you are angry at. and the smallest of things they say or do in that calm moment can feel like an attack on your character. belittling you. or maybe they just laugh. and you dont like how lightly they seem to be taking this conversation. they arent taking it seriously. they arent taking you seriously. and you go quiet and add that conversation into the pile of reasons to hate them.

another media post that turned into venting. sorry. and yes that was about my mother, surprise surprise. though ive got testimony from third parties(mys sister), about how my mother sucks, and that evidence will last me for a while. im not even trying to forgive her at this point, im just trying to save myself.

she likes to say that im stubborn and resiliant. when adults ask what kind of person i am. i guess sometimes i feel stubborn in my anger, but that does not last for good things. i have no patience for myself, and no resilience to keep trying. i am pretty stubborn when it comes to proving people wrong. but most of the time im just trying to prove them that im not as good or smart as they think. showing that i dont have "potential for anything, if you set your mind to it". showing that i dont have the strenght to get out of bed. proving that "only a week of school" isnt easy for me.

god okay i dont want a repeat of yesterdays whole ordeal so im forcing myself to cut this now. sorry for the typos, i cant dwell on this longer.

#tearful stuff

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television-pil0t · 2 years ago

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I don’t wanna be touched I wanna be loved. I wanna feel loved. I wanna stop crying. I don’t wanna be needy I wanna be needed. I don’t wanna hurt this much but I don’t wanna die. I wanna handle it myself but I’m at my breaking point. LMAO IVE BEEN HERE FOR A DAMN WHILE! SINCE JULY APPARENTLY! I wear the same clothes to school everyday. I don’t wanna try. My head hurts and it’s spinning. I’m tired of bleeding. I’m tired of punching and burning myself. I’m tired of finding every way out of this. I hate being worried he’s cheating on me. I hate how nonchalant he can be. I hate that i have any problem with him whatsoever GOD IM SUCH A ASSHOLE! WHY AM I LIKE THAT! WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT FROM HIM! IM THE ONE THAT LET HIM BACK IN MY LIFE AND NOW IM COMPLAINING IT BITCH ITS YOUR FAULT ITS ALL YORU FAULT! Why do I complain so much. Am I asking to much to be loved a little bit more? Yes. Because he’s giving me all he can. We talked about it before. God he’s fucking trying. I’m gonna throw up I hate myself. I’m never gonna be good at art. Programming is a joke. I’m shit at technology. MF probably dosnt EVEN really want me around anymore. He used to talk about how much he wanted me. He said he needed me once. My dad used to hug me. I used to have worth. I used to be worth something. Why did this happen. I used to have so much to me. I used to be so nice. Why did he touch me. WHY DID HE TOUCH ME! WHY DID MIDDLE SCHOOL HAPPEN! GOD I WISH I WAS JUST MOLESTED ON THE INTERNET WHY DID IT HAPPEN IN REAL LIKE! WHY DID HE RUIN MY LIFE! I used to be so fucking nice! I used never be obsessed with someone! I was fucking normal! Why did he have to hit me. Over and over and over! I used to be so fucking nice I CANT GET OVER THAT I USED TO BE NICE! Now I’m such a asshole! Manipulative ass FUCKING BITCH! Using there mental illness as a landing pad when I do something wrong and have the gall to act like I’m better than everyone. MF you wanna go protest. Protest against yourself you fuck up. All this because a guy in 8th grade? All this because some guy when you were 5? Get the fuck over it! SHIT AS IF I CAN BLAME THEM! I’m just a fucking asshole! My bf probably still sends nudes to the gc. He still probably talks shit. He probably likes his friends. LMAO HE PROBABLY FUCKING FLIRTYS WITH THEM ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND I JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE “you get jealous so easily” MF I JUST WANNA DIE GOD DAMN IT IM CRYING AGAIN! I JUST WANNA FEEL SAFE! I WANT SECURITY! I WANT A FUCKING APOLOGY! I WANNA BE TREATED BETTER! EVEN MY PARENTS FUCKING HATE ME! HIS PARENTS WILL TO WHY WOULD I EVEN GO OVER THERE IM A AWFUL FUCKING PERSON WHY AM I ALIVE I SHOULDVE DIED YEARS AGO! I’m a fucking pussy that’s why. I just wanna be ok so fucking back. God it hurts. I cant keep going but I refuse to stop. I don’t wanna die. I just want better. I need better. I can’t be surrounded by fucking hell and be expecting to thrive in it! I’m the the rose in concrete god damn it! I was just a kid. FUCK I ALWAYS SAY THE WRONG THAT! AND THE WORST PART LMAOOO HE DOSNT EVEN TELL ME WHEN I SAW SOMETHING WRONG! HE JUST TALKS SHIT ABOUT ME LMAOO!! “Lol you never learn” YEAH I FUCKING CANT! CALL ME OUT PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME! I can’t talk to my own bf about my issues not only has he given up by I just feel like he would say “damn boi it’s not that serious” I scream! Maybe if I scream until I bleed I’ll finally be heard. By everyone. I’m tired of this. I’m not ready to be a adult. I’m not ready for any of this shit. God my heart hurts so bad. I feel like I’m just in year one. So much anxiety. Nothing to ease the pain and who’s fault is that. Mine. As always. Who am I crying to? Who am I asking for help? Nobody. Because it never goes well. I just wanna be told I’m loved. Im needed. Tell me it’s gonna be fucking alright because this world sucks. Im not gonna be able to leave out of my apartment until 26 at this rate because of government and inflation and my bf is just saying “save money” UGH LOOK AROUND!! WERE ALL TRYING! It’s so hard to make ends meet! It’s so hard!!

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flagellant · 2 years ago

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Okay so. Sorry for the length here.

i used to think that atheist just meant that i dont believe in anything right?? But ive been following you and bones for long enough to know that thats not all it is cos that the ppl that claim that title are mostly annoying and also assholes.

i just dont believe in anything. And i was raised by a witch that was raised by a witch and so on. Like, i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more proof that theres nothing than there is that theres something, yk?? And for me personally, i just dont care. Like a god or whatever could introduce themselves to me tomorrow and if they arent gonna or cannot improve my situation immediately i simply do not care about their existence.

i didnt realise that the majority of ppl that call themselves atheist were generally exactly as narrow and close minded as any religious extremist group. Thats genuinely fkn frightening wow.

i enjoy your blog so much cos even tho i dont believe in anything i truly think that having beliefs is overall a good and helpful thing and i learn a lot about what different ppl believe and how to be more like. idk ig accommodating?? To those things. i like learning about what ppl believe in cos i cant prove its not true, right?? All information is good and useful information. And whatever somebody believes in is a part of them so knowing and respecting it is just basic if you care even just a bit about them.

But im not just here to tell you about what youve taught me and shit i also wanna ask a question....if not atheist, what should i call myself?? Like in situations where i need to or care about explaining my position on these things?? Like i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more or less proof that im 'right' than any religious person. Also, i was raised the way i was so ive seen magic and when i was small at least 30% of my friends were probably ghosts of some kind and ik that probably means something to a lot of ppl but it doesnt to me and even if its actually important i just dont care. Like ik that theres a lot going on its just not got anything to do with me. So what do i call that?? Is that agnostic?? Cos the way i understand that (which ig is probably wrong) is that the person believes in something they just dont have enough info to decide on what. Thats not me. So if i must give it a name what would you say i should call it?? Please and thank you.

First of all thank you for your thoughtful response!! It's always good to hear that sometimes I get listened to lmao. That said, I think a lot of the issue here might be miscommunication--atheist isn't like, a dirty word or poisoned concept. From what I can tell that you described, it fits you well. Apathetic atheism is pretty prevalent and to be clear these weirdos getting mad at me are best defined as antitheistic atheists--people who don't believe in the existence of higher powers and are against the idea of such in others.

It's admittedly a little tricky in your case specifically. Depending on exactly how the apathy is, agnostic might be a better fit for you, but at that point I'd just suggest you use the word you feel most comfortable with identifying yourself. Don't forget that you don't need to justify yourself to others when it comes to something as personal as this. So long as you aren't hurting people just do what you want.

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butwhatifidothis · 2 years ago

Note

On the note about how claudes writing in hopes is just fucking horrific and well feels pretty racist. i just did not like how they enforced the whole "he's actually a schemer therefore he's a backstabbing asshole" on not JUST a brown character but a brown character who's inspiration is from west asia aka the middle east which its a pretty standard stereotype used in the west

this is gonna go slightly personal but i myself am middle easterner by birth and three houses claude felt like a breath of fresh air on a more positive depiction of a west asian inspired character (even though i was kinda curious if he rlly was super sus or not lol) and then seeing he's willing to call out almyran bandits who are posing as the navy in alois and shamirs paralouge just felt. nice yknow that hes gonna go and tell to their faces that "your pillaging and plundering is the reason why we're getting shit on" and he's not a bloody conquerer and more "ok i just want people to get along and not be judged from where they come from" and hes more neutral between the two lords in a sense like it just FEELS NICE because i live in a region that 2/3 of the place is in SHAMBLES and we rarely get positive rep in media. and hes kinda the reason how i slowly started to embrace my culture after years of internalized racism. plus theres some aspects in his design, his real name 'khalid' and the instrumentals of his theme "golden deer and the crescent moon" just felt so familiar to me (plus adding nader whos name means rare or unique in arabic and he just looks like how i imagine gilgamesh would look like in an anime lol its kinda funny)

so you could imagine how fucking appalling it was for me to witness this shit in golden wildfire. like "yeahhhh lets make him out of character and make him sort of appease the empire and collaborate with them" like this ALREADY gave me bad vibes. like ok im fine with him making treaties and plans that could be risky. thats how strategies goes. but going on and try to invade another nation because you forcefully want them to surrender someone you want to get rid of because itll end the war apparently. thats not the man who said something about wanting change but does not agree on CONQUERING AND UNNECESSARY BLOODSHED . like ok i get he might not like rhea too much at first but he couldve just what he does best in three houses is probably idk TALK HER ON WHY FODLAN IS SO ISOLATIONIST??????!?. like im trying to like some aspects thats making him slightly different but i just CANT. dont get me started on how dirty almyras been portrayed in hopes. like i can acknowledge VW having writing issues (its my first route and i still enjoy the interactions) but having GW as your first route because haha im biased was just "ok so we can just. oh. OH NO". and before anyone goes around saying this means i hate edelgard. i dont. nor do i adore her. im pretty neutral about her (gasp this almost sounds completely impossible to some knuckle heads) but i feel like there was prolly some restraints to her writing. and i DESPISE this fandom when they try to say "oh if you like claude like this then you like dimitri" or "oh if you like claude that way then you like edelgard".

how about shut the fuck up and enjoy the fact hes trying to be different than the two because there are claude fans that like both dimitri and edelgard and others just dont care because its not their business. stop thrusting us into this dumb shit like we're just a status type to be harassed for these two characters. theres so many other things i wanna say but frankly im too tired

anyways this was long so tldr; claude deserved better. thank you for coming to my ted talk

It's just. Not good.

Like I said, I always try to give writers/creators in general the benefit of the doubt when something like this happens, since it's entirely possible that they weren't aware of what exactly it is they're writing. But that doesn't mean that the end result still isn't something that, bare minimum, is very upsetting to the groups of people involved. I’m so sorry that Hopes made you so uncomfortable, after 3H had finally given a character that deviated from such shitty tropes.

Because, like, say what you will about Almyra's writing in 3H - how they weren't fleshed out, how they already had some uncomfortable aspects to them (like invading for literally no reason) - but at the very least they didn't actively engage in pillaging. That was never once implied to have been something that they did, so the fact that Hopes just randomly throws that into the mix is... Not Good. Very Bad, in fact. Especially when combined with Hopes lack of any mention whatsoever about the Gonerils taking Almyran soldiers as slaves to work for their household (and the abuse the Almyrans suffer while being there), and when combined with how it’s a Fodlan (white) character who has to tell the naughty little Almyran to not plunder. Say what you will about 3H's depiction of Almyra and how untouched it was, that doesn't mean that Hopes had to make the Almyran King so incompetent at his job as to be genuinely dangerous - literally anyone with Nader's favor could manipulate him into signing off anything they want like Clyde does. Shahid is an entirely new character! They had all the free reign in the world to make Shahid damn near anything (within reason), and they make him... a stupid, power-hungry, violent invader. And nothing else. Again, "attribute not to malice" and all that, but to straight up ignore the troubling new additions Hopes gives to Almyra - some, again, with NO backing from 3H to explain them at all - isn't the right way to go about it either imo.

I've talked at extensive length about the absolute character assassination Claude went through in the majority of the game, but holy fucking shit am I with you on that stupid take. "The only people who hate Hopes!Claude/think Hopes!Claude is OOC are Dimitri stans" because apparently only Dimitri stans are able to see Claude's lack of curiosity or intellect, or how his newfound proclivity to use violence first and thinking second is diametrically opposed to how he ever acted in 3H, or the inherent contradiction in "Claude's goals are to better foreign relations, now watch as he actively uses and worsens Faerghus' foreign relations with Sreng for his own gain," or how him bringing up the war between Faerghus and the Alliance that happened centuries ago as an excuse to invade Faerghus now is ANOTHER thing that literally completely goes against the entire point of his character. Claude fans would of course obviously no-brainer know that these mutually exclusive traits between his 3H and Hopes renditions could totally for-realsies surely coexist and be consistent.

Although, ngl, I myself have said that it's mostly Edelgard fans that like this rendition of Claude. Not that there's no way a Claude fan couldn't at least find some things to enjoy about Hopes!Claude, but that it seems that a laaaarge majority of his fans are people who prefer the lady lord over him. And, well, it makes sense considering that a big thing a lot of Edelgard fans - not even just stans tbh - tended to do with Claude is just make him Edelgard's snarky yes-man who just mindlessly believes whatever it is she says... and, well, Clyde is either just a snarky yes-man to Edelgard who just mindlessly believes whatever it is she says, or he's getting chewed out/killed for going against her. Unless it's AG! ...where by the time Claude is having any part in the story Edelgard is no longer the actual threat anymore and is just a puppet of Thales. In the route where he doesn't ever actually directly confront her at any point. Clyde is almost a typical case of how Claude would be written in, like, an Edel///claude fic or something like that.

Man am I so glad for those leaks because if I had gone into GW completely blind like I intended to then OOF I would’ve been incomprehensibly pissed. Not just at the OOC writing, but, just, everything about it, once the second part hit - KNOWING about what happens with Faerghus and Sreng didn’t make actually sitting through it any more bearable, just because Clyde and the GD in general were such massive fucking penises to the people they were LITERALLY INVADING AND KILLING THE PEOPLE OF, so diving in without the heads up might’ve made me spontaneously combust. Without even going into how utterly against Claude’s character it is to do that in the first place, or the not-lowkey racist aspects of how certain things were handled, GW is such a sludge to play through if you’re paying even an iota of attention to the story.

I can definitely get the frustration in getting kinda the tug-of-war treatment from the fandom lmao, where Claude isn't so much Claude than he is "like Dimitri" or "like Edelgard" in this-or-that way. Now, I certainly understand - and partake in - the occasional comparison, just because there are some ways Claude is akin to/different from Dimitri and Edelgard that are genuinely interesting to me. But, like, to use your phrasing as an example: there's like, literally 0 people who ever say "if you like Dimitri in this way you like Claude." The other two aren't ever used as, like, a barometer or some shit to gauge whether you like Claude, while that is in fact how Claude ends up being used in the fandom a good bit of the time. Cuz apparently you can't, just, like, be a Claude fan or anything lmao.

In general Hopes made it... not the most fun to be a Claude fan :/ Glad I could give ya a place to vent because I know that there’s a lot to vent about lol

#ask #anon #Fire Emblem Warriors Three Hopes spoilers #Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes spoilers #though just a slight correction: it was general bandits (affiliation unclear) who were posing as the Almyran navy #but whatever lol that's kind of a nitpick #Claude for all his flaws in his writing managed to avoid falling into the typical and shitty Invading Middle Eastern trope #through wanting to always resolve things with diplomacy first and violence last #even if he had planned on using less-than-honorable ways of going about that he still always went the route with the least bloodshed #so seeing Hopes throw that all away just so he can be obsessed with expanding his influence and invading others #is. um. Fucking Terrible. to say the least #and GOD to go back to the initial days of Hopes' leaks/release and see EVERYONE pretty much unanimously shit on Clyde #where all these ''BuT hE wAs AlWaYs LiKe ThIs GuYs'' peeps weren't nearly so prevalent/annoying/condescending #it'd be one thing if GW (and SB) were Like That if I could at least go to others to rant/vent about it #but now GW (and SB) exists AND there's tons of people who try their damndest to tell me that if I don't wholly accept Clyde with open arms #then I'm not a ''real'' fan of Claude #ugh. so fuckin' annoying man #also sorry if this response was all over the place lol #clyde discourse

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ground-riot-jack · 3 years ago

Text

Number 1 | K. Bakugou |

idk what this is man, an origin story maybe?? idk bakugou is an asshole and reader is a badass

The ratings where in, this is it, the big moment. After years of hard work and dedication, you’re finally about to find out if you made it the number Number 1 Hero Spot. You walk out on the stage with the other Top 5 heroes, one being your long term boyfriend, Bakugou. You’d been dating since highschool and worked at the same agency that he created.

“And for our number 2 Hero, we have...Ground Zero! Number 1... Angel! Thank you heroes for protecting and sacrificing your lives for us!” The announcer practically yelled at the large crowd of people.

You couldn’t believe it. You did it. You were the number 1 hero in all of Japan and your boyfriend was right behind you. The lights of the stage felt like power surging through your body. Your large white wings fluttered in excitement. You took your place at the number one podium and felt warm tears of joy stream down your face, you feel pata on your back and can hear congratulations swirling around but you can barely stand up straight.

Soon someone hands you a microphone, the crowd quieting down.

“Thank you all so much, I will work hard every single day until my body gives up to make sure this great nation is protected. I’ve worked very hard to get here so thank you all for recognizing my hard work and determination. I wanna thank Ground Zero, for being the best partner and for helping me get where I am. It won’t be easy but I will take this number 1 spot and wear it with pride. Thank you, i love you all” You spill out happily, you turn and grab onto Katsuki, hugging him and congratulating him on Number 2. You’d both climbed so high and so quickly since you’re UA days, it’s made you happy that you’ve come so far with the person you love most.

Bakugou however, didn’t look happy. It was extremely rare to see a smile on his face, but at the very least you’d expected his bored face. But now, he looked angry. He looked like he was ready to level the city withy he scowl pressed on his face.

“babe, what’s wrong? you good?” You grab his large bicep, getting him to look at you. His bright red eyes snap to yours and you feel locked in with how much animosity they hold.

“I’m ready to go home” He spits out before turning and walking back to the car you’d both arrived in.

You took a few more pictures with fans before following your grumpy boyfriend. As soon as you sat in the car, you could feel the tension thick in the air.

“Ok seriously babe, what the hell is wrong? We got the top spots, that’s amazing!” You turn towards him as the driver head back to your place.

“It’s nothing” He managed to say through his teeth with his are locked together with how tight he’s clenching his jaw.

“It’s something, you’re getting ready to blow this car up”

“I said it’s nothing, Angel” He speaks, the name oozing in malice and anger. Suddenly it clicked.

“You’re jealous that I got the number one spot while you got number two. jesus christ katsuki, could you be any more pessimistic. Why can’t you just be happy for me that i’ve reached a goal i’ve been trying to get my whole life? Number two is in no way shape or form bad.” You huff and fall back against the seat, you watch Bakugou clench and unclench his fists while staring out the window.

“I have to be number one and be better than All Might” He growls quietly, you knew it was a somewhat sensitive subject, but you couldn’t believe your ears.

“All might? Katsuki, you’re 23 years old, you can’t truly expect to be better than All Might right now? All might wasn’t even this good at this age yet, you’re way ahead of schedule. You can’t be happy for me because you wanna be better at 22 years old than All Might was in his prime? You’re delusional katsuki.”

“I HAVE TO BE NUMBER ONE”

“THATS FINE BUT WHY CANT YOU BE HAPPY THAT TOUR GIRLFRIEND IS NUMBER ONE?”

“BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE ME”

“so you think I don’t deserve this katsuki? You think what? I haven’t worked hard enough? I’m nor strong enough? I’m not good enough? WHAT IS IT KATSUKI? Why don’t I deserve to be number one? Why do you think your were unfairly judged?”

You both stared at each other in silence for a while, anger boiling into the atmosphere. You understood the only thing that drove bakugou in highschool was his need to be number one. You were both adults now, and you were in love with each other. You’d hoped that you’d made a big enough impact on bakugou that your life and love together would be enough of a motivator to be great, the way it was with you.

You felt that car pull into your large home, and immediately jumped out, racing up to your shared bedroom. You got out of your hero costume and into leggings and a tank top. You took off all your makeup and picked the confetti out of your wings. You looked up as Bakugou walked in the room.

“Im not sorry that I’m not settling for number two, I never will and you know it, but i am sorry for yelling at you and the way I acted.” Katsuki grumbled while looking at the floor. Usually, his awkward and hesitant apologies warmed your heart and made you gush at how cute your angry boyfriend was, but now you find yourself staying angry.

“That’s not an apology katsuki. You refuse to be happy for me, even though you promised you would be. You refuse to even acknowledge how much work I put into this to be number one. I am THE youngest Hero to hit number one and you can’t even say good job babe. Instead you get angry and jealous and mean because it wasn’t you. Never mind the fact that you jumped from 10 to 2 which is THE biggest jump anyone’s seen in years bakugou. You won’t even let yourself be happy at what you’ve done, because you’re too busy being jealous” You poke his chest, finally standing in front of him.

“It’s not a bad thing to want to be the best” He crosses his arms, getting defensive.

“Of course not babe, I want you to be the best too. So why don’t you want me to be the best?”

“It’s not that, it’s-“

“It’s what Katsuki?”

“I made a promise to myself-”

“YOU MADE A PROMISE TO ME KATSUKI. You gave me this fucking promise ring and told me that you you’re gonna support me no matter what. That we were gonna work hard to get to where we need to go and we were gonna do it together. You promised me you’d be by my side. That’s the difference between us babe. You need to be number one for yourself, I need to be number one for us. You’ve forgotten that” You wipe your tears and move around the tall man in your way. It hurt that Katsuki couldn’t see this was bigger than his highschool days. This was your life together. You hadn’t spoken to All Might or even Midoriya in years, so why was it so hard for him to accept you as a permanent part of his life.

“Baby, i’m sorry I just. I get one track minded and I was so hopeful that this was finally the day. I needed so bad to be number one-“

“THIS IS NO LONGER ABOUT BEING NUMBER ONE KATSUKI, THIS IS ABOUT HOW YOU CANT SEE THAT YOURE TREATING ME LIKE A SIDE CHARACTER. I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND!! For fucks sake katsuki, we live, work, sleep, eat do and do everything together, so the fact that I’m not even one of the reasons you go out and do what you do hurts because this” You pause and gestured to everything around you. “This is the reason I wake up every morning, you are the reason I fight crime and your reason is, a childhood rivalry. You’re am adult now, you’re supposed to be friends with midoriya and all might and you’re supposed to be over this whole thing. This isn’t supposed to be the thing that drives you. I’m not saying I have to be too of the list but it would be nice to be on the list” You sigh and look at your boyfriend. You knew this wasn’t healthy to yell at each other like this, but you needed him to understand where you’re coming from.

“Baby, Of course you’re my reason for waking up and being a hero, I would do anything to protect you, it’s just I always pictured me at Number 1 with my agency and you and a family. I have a need, a primal urge to be number one and that’s never going to change. Doesn’t mean i don’t love your dumbass”

“Well I’m number one Katsuki, and I earned the hell out of it. I worked my ass off day and night for weeks and months and years so that I could have this. And to see you pout and complain and look me in my face and tell me you don’t think I deserve this spot hurts more than some cute little apology where you call me dumbass lovingly. So i’ll ask you again, why don’t you think I deserve this spot? What makes you better?” You squinted your eyes at the tall man and clench your jaw.

“Im physically stronger-“ You interrupt your boyfriend by grabbing his arm and kicking his legs out from under him, using your wings to flip him over in his back, pinning him down.

“You’re so close minded katsuki, that you don’t even know what i’ve. been doing for the past 8 months. I an the number one hero you think i didn’t train to be stronger than everyone around me?” You ask, hurt laced in your voice.

“Fine, you deserve this spot. You’re the best.”

“You dont meant that, I’m gonna make you fucking mean it Katsuki. One day you’re gonna see me and i’m gonna be the best and you’re gonna be in awe of my power and then you’ll finally see that i deserve this.” You push off of him and stand up your wings tucking close to your body.

“Just-give me a week babe. I promise I’ll make it up to you and I’ll show you I am happy for you, it’s just difficult being let down like this. I’m a sore loser and you know it.” Bakugou grabs your shoulder and pulls you close to his chest.

“You haven’t even said you’re proud of me yet. or that you love me. or even good job katsuki. You don’t believe i’m your heart that i deserve this do you?” You look at him, heart in your throat.

“I believe I should be number one. Every time.” Katsuki mutters in your hair like it was a compliment. You push him back, rage filling your body.

“You’re fucked up katsuki. I’m fucking leaving” You spit, throwing on a jacket and shoes, heading towards your front door.

“Where the hell are you going?!” Bakugou snarls as you move past him.

“Katsuki, I love you with every fiber of my soul, but right now looking at your face makes me wanna throw you across town and beat the shit out of you. I’ll be back tomorrow maybe” You mumble the last part, not really sure how long you wanna be away from your hot headed boyfriend.

“you can’t just fucking leave y/n, how do you expect to be number one of you can’t even stay and win a fight against your boyfriend.” Katsuki let’s out a dry laugh, causing you to turn away from your front door.

You lunge at Katsuki, ready to punch him until he understands you’re the number one hero. You two roll around fighting and spewing things typically reserved for villains. Bakugou pins you down on the floor, his knee on your chest and his hands holding both your wrists beside your head. You close your eyes and focus all your energy into your chest, a faint ball of white light glows from your heart. Ktsuki looks at it with realization before the energy is expelled from you and your boyfriend is sent flying across the living room.

“You did not just use Power Surge on me.” He growls. wiping the sweat from his brow.

“I did, and i’m fucking leaving and your not gonna say shit or so help me god katsuki, i will shoot a beam of light so bright and hot that you wake up blind, burnt and fucking single.” You use your wings to send you flying straight to your front door, you look back at your confused boyfriend once more before taking to the sky.

Bakugou began the cleaning process, shocked and confused. Why didn’t you understand he wants to be happy for you, he truly does, but his pride won’t let him get away with not winning. He decided to let you fly off to calm down for the night, opting to call and talk to Kirishima. The two friends ended up talking for a bit longer than expected, bakugou trying to get kiri on his side, not his girlfriends. It didn’t work however, Kirishima understood that bakugou would let his emotions cloud his mind, even when it came to you. By the end of the conversation, bakugou was almost has heated as he was while fighting you. He concluded the best option was to head to his agency and train for the night.

He arrived and decided to do some things around the office before heading to the training and workout wing of his large building. While going thru last minute files, there’s a knock on his door.

“Ground Zero, i wasn’t expecting you to be here so late.” A stranger smiles in Bakugou face as he opens his office door, his secretary smiling sheepishly.

“Who the hell are you?” He cocks his head and tries to figure it out before he’s told, one of those weird habits he’s picked up being a hero.

“My apologies. I’m Niko Takeyama, I work for the Hero Commission. How would you like to be the number one hero by this time next month.”

#bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bakugou smut #bakugou imagine #katsuki bakugo imagine #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years ago

Text

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s son (Part 2)

Tony Stark x son!reader

warnings:

a/n: had to split it into 2 parts bc i hit the text limit dhshaggags

prompt: continued

part 1

~sokovia was ur first big mission~

“why is y/n here, stark?” -cap

“the first mistake was letting me become a father”

“good god, tony...”

you having the time of your life crushing robots

“WHEEEEEE”

also proving useful by saving avengers a handful of times

“thanks for the assist, stark clone” -clint

rip pietro

rhodey was actually the most worried about you if we’re being honest, he didn’t understand why they let you in this one???

“y/n? y/n, talk to me! are you alive?”

“yes, uncle rhodey! i’m perfect, stop worrying!”

“i love you, kid! be safe!”

✨a good family you’ve got✨

soon the avengers broke up bc your dad cant get along with steve and it was just really awkward

but you chose your dad’s side

“sorry, steve! he pays my allowance!”

peter was actually a little okay, you know!! spazzy at first, but he was cool

“dude, you’re y/n stark! you’re tony stark’s very own son! i’m talking to mr. stark’s only child!”

“yep, that’s me. i’m what earned tony the title of ‘DILF’”

teenage teamup? ofc

“am i doing alright?”

“looking a-okay, pete!”

tony was worried fighting steve would traumatize you so he made you wait at the hotel with happy and peter

“don’t do anything to embarrass me, y/n. i dont want to see you on the news for something stupid”

you and peter ended up hanging out in your room and watching tv and ordering room service

“how do you do that so smoothly? i’d just freak out and go get it myself”

“years of experience as a spoiled rich brat”

absolutely positively being up all night and trying to fight your exhaustion

“you two seem to be getting along well. couldn’t be me” -happy

“for someone named happy, you never seem to be happy”

“not around teenagers, no”

“i remember when you loved me, ‘uncle happy’”

peter texted you every day after that

whenever flash picked on peter for “never meeting tony stark” he’d show a picture of you and him taking selfies in the lab together yes you invite him over much to the dismay of everyone else around you

plus tony was out of town and you were finally trusted enough to be left alone unchecked so like, happy would just leave at the first sign of peter

“that’s not real!”

“jealous?”

you actually showed up for homecoming on a dare (but in disguise)

didn’t wanna attract all the attention, you just wanted a high school experience

but you got called into avengers tower to help move early on :/ bad timing too cuz peter had to fight his first villain and u missed it

“dude, how do you feel?”

“bruh sound effect number two”

“oh my god”

FRIDAY heard him and pulled up the sound and you were WEAK you couldn’t stop laughing

“please....i think i broke a few ribs. cant laugh until tomorrow”

tony offered peter the avengers gig and peter said no, you were very disappointed but u understood that not everyone wanted to be in the spotlight like that

but you and peter obviously still hung out

oh, tony proposed! they interviewed you on sight!

“y/n, how does it feel to know that you’re going to have a stepmom soon?”

“you guys are aware that pepper helped raise me, right? right?!”

moving on, life was smooth for a while, there was some wedding planning, talk of you being a best man (which rhodey fought you on)

“no, i’ve known your dad longer!”

“i’m his son!”

i n v a s i o n

oh boy that was rough

bruce was surprised that you had fucking grown so much in the past 3 years good lord

“y/n...your VOICE”

“puberty, i know. when’s it gonna happen to you?”

“it hurts more when it’s from a teenager”

“uh, did you forget my birthday?”

peter’s back! peter’s back!

finally, man

“spider-kid, i could use an assist!”

“on the way!”

“aliens, why did it have to be aliens?”

up up and away for tony and peter, leaving you on the ground with all the earthly chaos and fear

“you two are the absolute worst, you know that? DAD, PETER, GET BACK DOWN HERE”

“no can do, kid. i—” *cuts off*

“oh great, no service on the space donut, huh? find a damn wifi password and call me back you asshole”

pepper was probably having a heart attack bc the news stations were having a field day but you were one of the only active avengers left, meaning you had to help clean this up

“bruce, we gotta get going”

“what? where?”

“upstate”

patching up the avengers as best as you could to take care of the threat

but you guys always win, this should be a cake walk, right?

wrong.

this was bad, very bad

after a lengthy battle with thanos in wakanda, you had failed. thanos got the stones, he snapped. the world was in ruins. but you didn’t get to see that part

you dusted away

“tell dad i’m sorry and i love him”

tony finally came back to earth hoping to see you, but upon seeing pepper’s face, he knew you were gone

“he did everything he could, tony! he didn’t deserve it!”

she was extremely upset, she saw you like a son of her own

soon, her and tony restarted their life and had a daughter, dad always wondered what it’d be like to have a little girl. it was different, it really was

she was eager to meet you

morgan stole pictures of you to hang up in her room

“when i meet y/n, im gonna give him a big hug! then we’ll have a tea party!”

tony has a picture of you and peter in the kitchen, he misses the two of you, but found comfort in the fact that you may be with each other

an ounce of hope, he had to try something

save his only son, and his other son

when he got to 2012, he was disappointed that he hadn’t let you become an avenger yet because he couldn’t see you here

yada yada he fucked up now he’s in the 70s and he fixed the fuck up and now hes in 2023

and bruce snapped

and you were all brought back and the way you kicked ass was inspiring

tony had to see his son now. right now.

“y/n, dear god! you’re okay! oh, man. i love you so much, kid. i missed you”

“i love you too. and i can’t believe you went to space without me, meanie”

“get over it”

ah, back to old times

peter and you obviously had to team up for this one! come on, what a story to tell!

and then, a snap and the warriors began to fade. you turned around and saw him on his knees

“no...”

you rushed over to where peter already was and tried to hold back tears, to be strong for him

“hey, dad. i’m here. no more missed goodbyes, okay? i’m here.”

you sat beside him and held his hand while the rest of your family made their peace with him and he finally slipped away

“y/n...are you okay?” -peter

“not even a little”

peter was worried about you, but you were worried about peter

mutual worry

meeting morgan was...surprising

pepper forgot to tell you they had a daughter while you were gone

she was so sweet and for the first month you lived at the cabin, she slept in your room

you got NO space

“i love you y/n”

“love you too” *thinking about dad bc she just reminds you of him so much*

“i love you y/n”

“love you too, morgan”

over and over

peter and you had sleepovers a lot, usually at his house bc you were the only one besides ned allowed over bc of all the spider-stuff

ned fanboyed over you

also sleepovers at peter’s were a nice break from being at tony’s cabin where you were constantly reminded that he wasn’t there

“y/n, i’m going to europe for a field trip! it’s gonna be awesome!”

“dude, you’re gonna love it. are you bringing your suit?”

“no, this is my offical vacation. no spider-manning”

“good for you, man!”

peter sent you all the pictures he took on his phone

all of them

Peter-Man: And this one is me and Ned in our crappy hotel room. And here’s the river. And here’s MJ covered in birds, and here’s the airplane, Mr. Harrington fell asleep on me

you had to come to europe once you heard what was going on

happy and you picked up peter and he was a mess

“you gave away dad’s glasses?”

“i think we’re past the point that i am not smart”

“jesus, peter. you should have called me about them. i would have taken them off your hands if you weren’t ready for them”

having to make sure that you guys didn’t get hurt bc this was honestly your guy’s first solo pair-up

there wasnt much backup here

finally, you defeated the evil (who apparently held a very large grudge against you. sorry mister beck) and were able to go back home

“call me if you need anything, pete”

“i will. i promise.”

and the next thing you know...peter’s identity was exposed

“i left him alone for one day!”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiant // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

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between-two-fandoms · 4 years ago

Text

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so, and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been. Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

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nachotrash · 4 years ago

Text

MORE INCORRECT QUOTES WITH MY MOOTS

ft: @catchmewiddershins @lilikags and @paradise-creator // no haikyuu boys this time

Pauline: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this? Wid, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

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Pauline: We're having a baby. Shiyu: Oh, congradu- Wid, slamming adoption papers onto teh table: It's you, sign here.

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Pauline: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Shiyu, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Wid, whispering: Because I have little hands. Shiyu: Because they have little hands.

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Wid: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

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Lili: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

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Wid: Pros and cons of dating me. Wid: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Wid: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

(cons. you're the smart one😔)

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Shiyu: Sure, you're verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?

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Pauline: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

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Shiyu: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

(*lipbites in 166 cm*)

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Wid: I don't dab. I stab.

(nOw WhEarE HAvE i SeEn ThIs BeFoRe)

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Shiyu: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

(t-pose to assert dominance)

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Shiyu, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because... Shiyu, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

(lmao baby nacho really be bold)

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Shiyu: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

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Lili: It's not ugly, just aesthetically challenged.

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Pauline: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

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Pauline: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? Pauline: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

(we are the squad now)

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Lili: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

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Wid: Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. Wid: I need my socks.

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Pauline: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

(yes yes you are how dare you)

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Shiyu: Yeah I'm LGBT. Shiyu: cuLt leader. Shiyu: God hates me personally. Shiyu: cowBoy hat. Shiyu: *sniffles* Trying my best.

(my asexual ass be like;)

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Wid: *plays shreksophone* Wid: Woo. Wid: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity. Shiyu: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

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Shiyu: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Pauline: Killed without hesitation.

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Pauline: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

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Pauline: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

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Pauline: I hate Lili. Shiyu: "Hate' is a strong word. Pauline: I have strong opinions.

(oh no)

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Wid: How does that even work? Shiyu, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Wid: Your face doesnt make sense.

(...fair enough)

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Pauline: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

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Pauline: My stomach growled super loud in French. Pauline: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class. Shiyu: Bonjour. Lili: Le growl. Wid: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

(reminds me of the 'ill speak french between your legs' tumblr legend and im wheezing)

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Shiyu: *tapping fingers on table* Lili: *taps fingers back furiously* Wid: …What’s going on? Pauline: Morse code. They’re talking. Shiyu: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - Lili: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

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Shiyu: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely. Wid, Lili, & Pauline: Okay. Shiyu: If you don't want to die, give me all your money. Wid: Bold of you to assume I have money. Lili: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die. Pauline: Bold of you to assume I can die.

(pauline is a goddess. goddesses cant die)

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Lili: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Wid: Strong. Shiyu: Weak. Pauline: An idiot, is what your are.

(as long as you dont flinch or scream youre strong. unless you get punched in the gut by someone like ushijima ofc)

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Shiyu: Those darn tall old people. Wid: Darm em' indeed. Pauline: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough. Lili: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead. The Squad: Lili: Hahaha. Lili: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

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Wid: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Pauline. They're mad at you. Pauline: No, it's Shiyu. They're just being gramatically correct! *meanwhile* Shiyu: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them. Lili: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. Shiyu: I stand by my choice.

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Wid: What do we think of Shiyu? *pause* Lili: *sighs* Nice pal. Pauline: I think they're gay.

=------------

Wid: Where is Shiyu? Pauline: I'll do you one better, who is Shiyu?? Lili: Here's a better question, why is Shiyu?

(i dont know man. ive been trying to figure it out for the last few years)

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Wid: On the count of three, what’s your favorite cake? Wid & Lili: One, two, three- Wid & Lili: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks! Shiyu: Our turn, Pauline! One, two, three- Shiyu: Vanilla! Pauline: I’ve never had cake before. What is cake?

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Pauline: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Wid: A doll. Shiyu: A cinnamon roll. Lili: A sweetheart. Pauline: Pauline: ...stop it.

(cant deny the truth bby)

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Wid, Pauline & Shiyu: *screaming* Lili: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Shiyu?! Wid: Wait, why are you asking Shiyu that when Pauline and I are also here? Lili: Because Shiyu wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

(i mean... its true )

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Pauline: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Wid: Fucking Shiyu and Lili were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

(manifests dvalin cause i wanna ride on their back and fall off)

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Lili: Wake me up- Wid: Before you go go Shiyu: When September ends Pauline: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(cant wake up- WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

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Shiyu, watching Pauline & Lili panic : What's going on? Wid: Pauline is having a midlife crisis and Lili is just having a crisis.

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Lili: *Gasp* Pauline: wHAT?? Lili: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Pauline: *inhales* Wid, in another room with Shiyu: Why can I hear screeching?

(shiyu: same shit different day)

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Shiyu: Christmas is cancelled. Wid: You can't cancel a holiday. Shiyu: Keep it up, Wid, and you'll lose New Year's too. Wid: What does that mean? Shiyu: Lili, take New Year's away from Wid.

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Pauline: So, are they your friend or... Lili: They’re like Wid, but if Wid was ordered to be around you. Pauline: Oh, so Shiyu. Lili: Precisely!

(if its about how annoyed i always look then you ahve a point)

----------------

Wid: You’re just being paranoid. Again. Pauline: When have I been paranoid? Wid: Um, when you first met Lili you thought they were an undercover cop…? Pauline: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera! Wid: And last year you were sure Shiyu was a mermaid! Pauline: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?! *Later, when Pauline’s theory is proven wrong* Wid: Do you have anything to say for yourself? Pauline: I still think Shiyu is a mermaid.

(id gladly be one)

--------------------

*Wid drunkenly wanders around the manor and Lili is drunkenly giggling* Shiyu, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Pauline. Pauline, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

----------------

Wid: We need to distract these guys. Lili: Leave it to me. Lili: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Pauline & Shiyu: *immediately begin arguing*

(*pulls out dictionary*)

------------------

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Shiyu, with Wid and Lili behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Shiyu: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Shiyu: Pauline FUCKING FELL OFF!

----------------------

Wid: What is love? Pauline: An emotional minefield. Shiyu: A neurochemical reaction. Lili: Baby don't hurt me.

(BECAUSE FUCK EMOTIONS)

--------------------

Pauline: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions? Wid: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you. Lili: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two. Shiyu: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am no longer taking suggestions.

------------------

Shiyu, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Pauline: Gray. Lili: Grey. Shiyu, turning to Wid: Now tell them what color you think it is. Wid: Dark white.

#incorrect nacho

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wherearemyglassesbro · 4 years ago

Note

yes please ramble about genshin impact

I wanna talk about play style babes ❤️😭 so I WILL 🤪🤪

Disclaimer! Every character is amazing in their own way! Anyone can be a main dps or any play style is great!! This is just my opinion, which isn’t worth much lmao

Everyone shown will be written about from left to right!!!

Archers:

Fischl: annoying. I can’t stand her voice lines and she’ll stay at level 20 until everyone else is level 90 and I take pity on her and level her up like everyone else. Her charged attack confuses me and she’s just. Annoying. She’s been on my team ONE time! Her first and last time

Venti: This bitch...I’m blessed to have him. His ult attack is epic!! Once I get him artifacts to increase Anemo damage it’s all over for you assholes :) I typically don’t enjoy archers or catalysts because I like being up close and personal with whatever I’m fighting so I can SEE my sword hit it y’know? But Venti makes domains and fighting camps of enemies so easy!! Treasure hoarder camps? Obliterated. Though keep in mind, I really only have him on my team for his ult and charged attacks, everyone else deals the rest of the damage

Amber: She used to have a permanent spot on my team before I found out Venti was actually really good...Didn’t fully understand the game yet :) she’s good! Basic and easy to understand play style! Once I got Bennet though...She is no longer my go-to Pyro :’) sorry girlie...

Diona: I’m sorry but no ❤️ I personally can’t stand playing as the tiny characters. Her voice lines are cute and from what I’ve seen, she’s a great healer!! But I won’t use her, it’s just too much of a hassle since she’s so small. She can’t climb or run as fast as taller characters and it’s just annoying to be so much shorter than whatever I’m fighting :/

Childe: I don’t have him but I got to play as him in his story quest as his play style was??? Confusing??? The whole switching from bow to swords was confusing and hard to keep up with cause I’m just mashing buttons babey!!! If I’m being honest, if I had him I wouldn’t use him much. He’s cool and I love him as a character but he just wouldn’t fit in my team anywhere! That pains me to say...;-;

Ganyu: Regretting skipping her banner :/ I didn’t do her character trial either but I finished her story quest and uh...I missed out! That’s what I get for giving into the ‘cryo Amber’ mindset! Her play style is very fun! I love her ult attack...Damn...I missed out man she would have been awesome on my team for sure.

———————

Claymores:

Beidou: 100/10, she is SO useful!! She’s on my secondary team and even though she’s only a level 40, she’s a C6!! She’s my ONLY C6 character so I’ve been dumping all of my electro materials into her lately, she is SUCH a hard hitter I love her! I love electro and ice or fire reactions!! She’s the queen of them babe. Shes fast and strong...Pirate woman...

Razor: I’m conflicted cause he’s fun to play as but I have a lot of beef with him. The first problem is a problem I cause myself because one hit and he’s dead. If I don’t have a shield up, he’s a goner two seconds into any fight. My other gripe is that his ult doesn’t carry over to other characters. An example of that is Kaeya’s ice ring or Noelle’s shield! Those carry over between character switches but Razor’s does not. Annoyingggggg!!!

Chongyun: Admittedly, I kinda gave up on building him. There’s only room for one cryo character on my team and that’s Kaeya. His fighting style isn’t all that special but I feel like the game is trying to get me to level him up cause the last 4 domains I’ve done, I’ve been paired with level 80 Chongyun players and they were pretty awesome so...When I have the materials to spare, I might have to invest in this guy lmao

Xinyan: I JUST got her like last week or something so she isn’t leveled up a whole lot but oh man...Her ult is sick. I LOVE the rock and roll theme for her, she’s just awesome! I don’t see her becoming part of either of my main teams but I will definitely use her for domains once I can spare materials to level her up ;-;

Noelle: I used her alllllll the time until I got Zhongli. Her shield is fantastic, you really can’t go wrong with a shield! Other than that...I can’t really say anything else about her :’) her play style is similar to the other claymores which doesn’t really allow her to stand out much

Diluc: he’s an honorable mention. I don’t have him...But I want him so bad. My pity is at 50/50 so I’ll either get Hu Tao or him!! (Or Qiqi, Mona, Keqing or Jean but I don’t wanna talk about that). People make him so strong, even when he’s lower leveled he still hits hard! I’d love love love to have him on my team

—————

Catalysts:

Lisa: the og catalyst...I like her as a character but man oh man...She just doesn’t fit on any team! Her play style is fun! Her voice lines are flirty, she’s just a fun character uggghhh I’d love to actually play with her more! Beidou is just the better electro for my team so Lisa will sit on the sidelines for awhile :’)

Ningguang: I poured all of my geo resources I to Zhongli so she literally never got the chance to even be on a team. I leveled her up enough to get that free wish but...Yeah...I have only played as her during a character trial even though I have her! Idk, she just wouldn’t fit on my team. Some people make her super strong which I admire!!

Barbara: fantastic I love everything about her! She and Bennet swap places on my main team every hour or so but when she’s paired with Kaeya, she’s just awesome!! She just works well with others! And she sings :’) other than that her play style isn’t exactly anything special! She’s just a character I can swap out a lot and she just FITS in my main team?? Amazing

Mona: Still in the process of leveling her up, I really enjoy her play style! Not a fan of catalysts but... I did something the other day when I switched artifacts around and now she does pretty good damage?? Idk what I did but she’s more fun to play as now! My only gripe is when she sprints, she turns into a puddle! So when I want to dodge or do short bursts of sprinting she leaps in and out of the floor like STOP IT HAJSLSSK the splashing is SO LOUD for WHAT lmao I love her though! Solid spot on the secondary team

Sucrose: she is so underleveled but I made an all Anemo team just for giggles...And now I want to actually buff her up. It’ll take a lot of time and material farming but she has a lot of potential to work well with Pyro and hydro characters with her swirl effect!! :)

Klee: Again, not a fan of the kiddos. I don’t even remember when I played as her, it might have been her trial or in a story quest somewhere but I just didn’t enjoy her play style. She throws bombs which don’t always go off immediately so I’m sitting there like ???? Blow up??? And then they don’t? Confusing!!!

——————

Swords:

Kaeya: Oh yes my big sexy man hello sir 👀 he is never leaving my team!! Never! I’ve formed an emotional attachment to him and uh well he’s level 74 now and overpowers all of my 5 stars except Zhongli. When he’s paired up with Barbara and they both activate their water/ice swirls?? That’s my favorite thing in the whole world I LOVE freeze reactions! Ugh absolutely flawless! My only gripe about his play style is that sometimes he turns away when firing his ice and I’m like NO THE OTHER WAY it’s called auto aim or something idk, most characters do it at some point...It’s just ten times more annoying when he does it :)

Jean: I got Jean very recently so she isn’t at her best yet but WOW she is an amazing healer!! Like wow, she’s giving Bennet a run for his money. I have no complaints about her! Her play style is kinda basic. I do love how she can just blow enemies away though, that’s fun!! Especially in co op when I can blow my teammates off cliffs :) I don’t really use her though...She isn’t on my main or secondary team...rip

Bennet: Benny’s adventure team!!! He and Barbara swap spots on my main team a lot! He’s a great healer! Not as good as Barb but I’m still working on him!! He’s kinda just there for moral support, he’s too under leveled to really do any damage :’) he’s just...a cute lil guy :’) I like having him on my team :’) his play style is very basic which makes it easy to swap him in and out for other characters

Xingqiu: his ult and charged attacks take FOREVER to load!! I love him as a character but I have no patience for load times. Off to the sidelines he goes! He’s cool and fun but man!!! In the heat of battle I don’t have time to wait!! I need that hydro burst so I can get an elemental reaction!! I don’t have 30 seconds to wait, my liege!!

Aether: there’s a difference between Anemo traveler and Geo traveler!! Geo traveler is better BUT when he produces thise rock balls?? That’s beyond obnoxious especially in domains. STOP MAKING BALLS IN DOMAINS!!! You’re just raising enemies into the air and now your teammates can’t reach!! The geo ult is good though :) Anemo traveler is alright, I cant complain but geo is just superior :)

Albedo: I don’t have him but I tried him out during his character trial...He’s hot but I’m just not a huge fan of his play style. He summons an elevator...Eh. If I had him he would kinda just...sit on the sidelines

Keqing: oh wow she is just SO AWESOME!! If I got her instead of Diluc I honestly wouldn’t be mad. I’d have to frantically rearrange my teams for he to fit somewhere but it would be worth it. Her character trial showed me how fast she is and how fast her ult/charged attacks charge up! Her ult looks AMAZING and if I activated a shield around her and Kaeya’s ice thing I think she’d obliterated domains! I’d love to have her on my team golly jeez

Qiqi: Again, not a fan of the small characters :( people use her in domains all the time and she’s an awesome healer! But if I had her I probably would not use her :/ anti child

————————

Polearms:

Zhongli: I can’t imagine NOT using him on my team. Having a shield is a must because I’m a huge wimp!! And I’ve finally built him enough that he will occasionally do 10k damage...Only when he feels like it I guess. It’s happened like 4 times and I just scream every time it’s awesome!! His burst attack is awesome and I know I’ve said it already but I enjoy being up close when fighting, not standing and shooting from the side. When his shield is up, this man takes zero damage and just deals hits left and right!! He’s a staple for my team for sure

Xiao: I really loved his story quest and his fighting style is fun HOWEVER he is just....Annoying to fight with. He takes damage with his own ult attack???? That’s obnoxious! And then I have to make room on my team for a support when I play with him :/ it isn’t a huge deal, I enjoy playing with Barbara and Bennet but my dream team (Zhongli, Venti, Kaeya and Xiao) just can’t work out cause Xiao’s constantly on life support. Other than that, I like his dash attacks and even though his ult kills him, it deals a lot of damage! Still building him up to add him to the main team :)

Xiangling: I love her, she’s adorable and I love Gouba but I just poured all of my materials into Bennet and everyone else so I never got the chance to properly build her. She’s kinda just stuck at level 31....Waiting for her chance to be on a team. I used to use her often when I was like ar20! I’ve kinda grown away from her, I’m not even sure why I guess :’) her play style is fine! I just like...Other characters more ;-; I feel mean saying that lmao she’s very fun!! Just not what I’m looking for

Honorable polearm mentions:

Hu Tao: She literally comes out tomorrow but I’m not gonna wait to try her out before posting this. Her play style looks very fun! The way she phases through enemies is strange but very cool!!! I’m a bit confused about the way she moves but hey! I’ll get to do her character trial and see for myself! Very excited about her being introduced to the game

Rosaria: we haven’t gotten a preview of her fighting style but I feel bad about leaving her out! She’s close to being released! She deserves recognition!

My thumbs are cramping....remember that every character is awesome and they all have back stories and cool voice lines! This is all my opinion and my team builds! Nothing against these guys and gals! :)

#this took 80 years I have arthritis now #I’m so tired but I had to shit this post out before bed lmao

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years ago

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 5 years ago

Text

Home - Part 4

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" I asked him shaking my head.

"What do you mean what am i doing here?.... I'm here to see my wife of course" he replied smugly with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Thats funny! Last time i checked you no longer have a wife!"

"You'll always be mine Y/N"

"Thats where your wrong Jack, i haven't been yours for a very long time" i said through gritted teeth "why can't you just leave me alone??! You didn't want me when we were married but now we're divorced you decide you want me back?...Is that it?"

"I always wanted you baby...."

"Really??.... that why you were sleeping with my best friend?"

"I made a mistake...."

"So did i....the day i married you!"

He stepped closer trying to intimidate me, i'd hit a nerve with that comment.

"You dont mean that....."

"Dont i?? why else would i divorce you and move far away from you.... i left everything to get away from you Jack"

"We can sort this out, it can be good again"

"Not interested, now please leave"

"Im not leaving until you agree to try again....."

"Your such a fucking child! How did you even find me anyway? You didn't know about this place and i didn't tell anyone where i was going"

"I'll aways find you Y/N your mine"

"For the love of god....." i rolled my eyes and went to take a step back from him. His hand reached out grabbing my arm and pulling me close before i got far, i started to struggle and try to push him away but he wasn't moving, i felt myself start to panic.... i had done so well not showing Jack how scared i was that he was here but seeing that look in his eyes and the way he grabbed me.... my facade was falling fast.

"Hey!" a voice yelled from behind and i looked around Jack to see Bucky and Steve climbing out of a black van and marching towards us, death glares on their faces.

"Get your damn hands off her!" Bucky growled grabbing the back of Jacks coat and pulling him away with such force Jack fell on the floor. Bucky and Steve stood protectively in front of me glaring down at the man.

"Who the fuck are you?" Steve asked Jack who was already getting to his feet and straightening out his jacket.

"Im her husband asshole!"

"Ex husband!" I corrected him "and I've told him to leave!"

"You heard the lady, your not welcome here" Steve said as Bucky turned to me and looked me over for any signs Jack had hurt me. He placed a hand against my cheek and smiled a tight lipped smile "you okay doll?"

"Im fine Buck" i nodded "little shaken.... thank you for coming" i added quietly so only he would hear and rested my forehead against his chest as i tried to calm down now Bucky and Steve were here.

"The girls...."

"Their fine, i made sure they stayed away and didn't hear anything"

"Oh i see how it is, this your new guy? Think his better than me?? Im not good enough for you now huh??" Jack started ranting looking at me and Bucky.

"My guess is you were never good enough for her, you were lucky she even gave you the time of day pal" Steve smirked.

"Oh you fucking him too?? Wow Y/N you really have changed....." he was cut off when Bucky's hand flew out and grabbed him around the throat.

"Why dont you shut your fucking mouth! Im gonna tell you this once so you better fucking listen or so help me god i will bury you!!..... stay the fuck away from my family!!" Bucky growled lowly so the girls wouldn't hear, he had angled his body so they wouldn't be able to see what he was doing "i find out you've been back here or anywhere near Y/N.... you'll regret it" Bucky shoved Jack away from him and came to stand beside me.

"I just want whats mine!! She's my wife!!" Jack said loudly still not giving up.

"Not anymore she's not" Bucky said with a smirk as he put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer "Steve get this punk outta here would ya?"

"Would be my pleasure Buck" Steve grinned grabbing Jack and dragging him back to where his car was parked.

"You okay doll?.... I'm sorry bout that i just thought maybe he would leave you alone if he thought you'd moved on"

I nodded quickly holding a hand over my mouth trying to hold in the sob trying to escape.

"His gone" Steve said walking back over to us shaking his head "what a asshole"

"You guys go eat with the girls, i just need a minute" i told them before rushing inside, i didn't want to cry in front of everyone.

Once inside and out of view of everyone my tears finally escaped, i made my way to the bathroom and sat on the closed lid of the toilet as i cried.

"Y/N?..." Bucky's voice was quiet from the other side of the door "are you okay doll?"

I quickly wiped my my tears away and took some deep breaths before opening the door "I'm okay...."

"Liar" he scoffed with a small smile making me laugh.

"What? Did my red puffy eyes give me away?"

"I dont know what you mean"

"Funny"

"Come here" he said pulling me into his arms, i didn't put up a fight i just let myself fall into Bucky's arms.

"You should be with the girls...."

"Their fine, their with Steve. You wanna talk about it?"

"Not much to say, i dont know how he found me Bucky! he had no idea about this house...." i said shaking my head "im gonna have to leave now...."

"What??" He pulled back to look at me in shock "what do you mean your going to leave?"

"He knows where i am!! he'll come back for me Bucky"

"You could get a restraining order..."

"I tried before and no one would help me. Thats why i left!"

"Well you didn't have an awesome lawyer on your side before"

"I cant ask you to help me with this..."

"You didn't, i offered"

It was quiet between us for what seemed like ages but was probably only seconds.

"Y/N, can i ask you something?"

"Yeah"

"Your relationship with Jack, did it get violent?"

I tensed up instantly and i knew Bucky felt it, all i could do was nod, i heard Bucky take a deep breath as his arms tightened around me.

"I wont let him hurt you again i promise".

"Thank you Bucky" i smiled up at him before heading to the fridge to grab a bottle of water "I'm so glad you and Steve were there. What are you guys doing here anyway? i thought you'd still be working"

"I finished earlier than i thought and then called Steve to come help me with your sofa. A friend of ours had a van so we borrowed that so we can take your old one for you"

"You didn't have to do that..... but your amazing for doing it" i reached up and kissed him on the cheek "thank you".

"Of course" he nodded nervously scratching the back of his neck as a blush spread across his face.

"We should probably go make sure Steve's okay with the girls"

"Yeah your probably right, lets go enjoy that picnic.... from what i saw it looked good!"

"Steve's probably eaten everything by now" i laughed knowing how much the man ate.

"I'll kick that punks ass if he hasn't saved us something".

"Everything okay?" Steve asked looking up as we approached him and the girls.

"As long as you havent eaten everything its good" i laughed sitting down.

"We're good then" Steve smiled nudging my shoulder playfully.

"We'll get your sofa sorted once we've eaten" Bucky said picking up a sandwich as Rosie climbed into his lap.

"There's no rush, lets just enjoy the rest of the afternoon".

The new sofa was finally in and the room already seemed more cosier.

"It looks good sweetheart" Steve smiled looking from the sofa to me "its very you"

"Thanks Steve"

"I think its safe to say the girls approve" Bucky chuckled looking at the three sleeping girls spread out over the sofa.

"Yep looks like it" i smiled at the sight.

"Right, let us take this sofa, i'll get the car and then come back for them"

"Okay" i nodded "thats fine"

"I'll be 20 minutes tops" Bucky promised before leaving with Steve.

20 minutes later as a promised Bucky was back with his car minus Steve who apparently had 'stuff' to take care of whatever that meant.

"Y/N why dont you come and stay with us tonight?" Bucky asked turning to me "it'd make me feel better if you would, at least until i know Jack's not hanging around"

"Are you sure you dont mind? I dont wanna impose...."

"I wouldn't ask if i minded doll" he grinned "go grab your stuff, pack for a couple of days at least".

"Okay" i nodded "thank you Bucky" i said with a smile before going upstairs to pack a bag.

A/N - wow two updates in one day!! 😂 i was thinking maybe the next part i’ll do from Bucky’s POV? What do you think?

A/N 2 - Face claim for Jack is Jai Courtney in my head.

A/N 3 - I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you that has liked, shared and commented on this fic, it really does mean a lot to me. ILY 💕

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