#i wake up everyday and think about you
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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Do you guys think that when Leola first died, Aaravos filled at least a few books with his memories of her so that he wouldn’t forget her even if millennia passed
(He didn’t have to before of course, since they were supposed to have a whole life together)
(And now he can’t lose her in more ways than one)
#I bet he was terrified of forgetting her#the happiest moments in his life#maybe he had those books in his prison with him#maybe he read them every night#how else would she feel him holding her in his mind#with his heart?#can you guys tell I’m obsessed with them rn#why do I wake up and choose pain#I mean ig Aaravos didn’t CHOOSE the pain and yet he woke up with it everyday#guys omg I think I might ACTUALLY never shut up about them#sorry#tdp#tdp season 6#tdp spoilers#tdp s6#aaravos#the dragon prince#tdp aaravos#tdp Leola
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They were sitting outside, revising for exams. Evan and Dorcas, Barty and Pandora, cross questioning each other while Regulus silently revised from his notes.
"And this one?" Pandora asked Barty, pointing at a star on the astronomical chart.
"Oh, That's Regulus. The heart of Leo constellation." He replied.
Regulus. The heart of Leo constellation.
These were really common words. Regulus has heard, read them thousands of times, in astronomy lessons, in test questions etc.
But unexpectedly, he doesn't know why, right now hearing these words took him four years back, to that Christmas.
They were sitting around the dining table at Black Family's Christmas feast. 11 year old Sirius sat there, with his eyes downcast as their mother berated him yet again for bringing shame to their family by being sorted into Gryffindor. Regulus saw how Sirius would bite his lip at one insult, how the spoon would shake in his hand at other. Regulus himself felt all those emotions for Sirius at the time, he could feel the clouds of sadness rumbling over Sirius and he couldn't help but feel the same.
When the dinner ended and they were told to go back to their room, ever so obedient Regulus left the dining room without a glance back.
On the way back to his room however he was suddenly pulled aside and what met him was Sirius; smiling ear to ear and the black clouds of sadness seemed to be replaced by welcoming white clouds adorned by Sirius' smile that felt like sunshine, like home, like Sirius.
"Reg!" Sirius exclaimed.
"What?" Regulus asked, dazed at the suddenness.
"Do you know what your name means?" Sirius' eyes shimmered.
"Huh?" Regulus furrowed his brows, dumbfounded at the sudden question.
"Do you know what your name means?" Sirius repeated.
"Yeah..?" Regulus raised his brow, confused.
Sirius tutted, shaking his head. "Regulus. The heart of Leo constellation." Sirius said, looking up at Regulus, his eyes sparkling.
"Yeah..? I know." Regulus nodded lightly.
Sirius shook his head again, clasping his hands on Regulus' shoulder, shaking him. “It’s the heart of the Leo constellation!” He beamed.
“Yes, Sirius, I know,” Regulus nodded, trying not to sound exasperated.
“Well, Leo is a lion, right?” Sirius asked, looking a bit put out that Regulus didn't immediately understand his point.
“Yes?”
“And Gryffindor’s mascot is a lion, right?”
“Yes?”
“So,” Sirius breathed out, motioning his hands like he was explaining an easy concept to a child and then pointed at himself, grinning “I’m a Gryffindor," he pointed at Regulus "You’re Regulus," he paused. "You’re my heart.”
Regulus blinked, as if frozen for a second and then his eyes turned crescent-shaped, and his face broke into the widest smile ever.
At that moment he felt enveloped by warmth, he felt happiness as if he got his Hogwarts letter, as if as if...
But right now he felt his chest tighten, his throat constricting.
As his eyes zoomed to the other side of the black lake where four Gryffindors boys sat, laughing amongst themselves. His eyes locking on the boy with shoulder length black hair, as he swallowed hard.
Sirius won't be coming home for Christmas anymore.
Sirius won't be coming home anymore at all.
And Regulus, as Sirius said, Sirius' heart, he actually took Regulus with him and left this shell.
----
Inspired by @my-castles-crumbling this post.
#uh idk man#well you can tell i am very very novice at writing#like this is my first writing..haha#black brothers#they are everything to me#EVERYDAY i wake up and think about them and CRY-#sirius black#regulus black#sirius and regulus#sirius#regulus#the blacks#marauders era#marauders#the marauders#the marauders era#hp marauders#noble and most ancient house of black
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feel like theres a balance to strike between "people putting guidelines to being a christian (you need to read your Bible everyday, you need to need to never miss church, you should never be anxious... etc.) and saying that not doing them is sinning is wrong" and "you DO need to grow in your faith and be consistent"
#julia.txt#is not reading your Bible everyday a sin? no not really#SHOULD you do it? yes!!! how do you want to live according to God's will if you dont acquaint yourself with God's will everyday?#the flesh doesnt take a day off#is it a sin to miss church? no! should you do it? also no!!#(with the caveat of being sick or any other unavoidable circumstance)#you cannot grow closer to God if you do not commune with Him and worship Him#and that INCLUDES other meetings than sunday#i just see too many people dismiss church easily#like oh i made plans with my friends i cant come oh i took a meeting i cant come#if you want to be serious about your walk with God you cant dismiss church that easily#is it a sin to be anxious? no!!!! of course not!!#but we cannot let ourselves wallow in it either#we cant think oh im anxious its just my disposition its my mental state#we have to WORK on it. how many verses are there about God taking care of us. how many times has He assured us that He will not leave us#does that mean you'll wake up one day and you wont have anxiety anymore ? no#but it DOES mean that God can alleviate it#and. i feel it necessary to point out that if you KNOW its God's will that you do something#and you dont do it#thats a sin. you're going against God's will#knowingly#romans 14 20!!#all things indeed are pure#but it is evil for the man who eats with offense#<- if i do something that violates my conscience it is a sin for me even if it might not be In Itself a sin#we cant call everything legalism and use it as an excuse to not grow#faith posting
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i am in no way a rangers fan or a fan of trouba on the ice, but this discourse about him supporting his wife’s career is some of the stupidest shit i’ve heard.
#everyday i wake up and think oh hockey discourse can’t get worse#and it does#two thoughts can coexist#you can want him off your team#and you can be a decent human being to his family’s situation#it’s not just about the player. it’s about the whole family#anyways. clearly i have a lot of thoughts about this if anyone reading this has read my ‘the blue’ au#k rambles about things#rangers#jacob trouba
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Snootles Rant: Lonely AF edition
Snootles does not feel well (she's fine just being dramatic) and is going to rant about being down bad (like seriously being horny on main right now do not perceive me)
*slumps on the floor* I wanna be a housewife so bad
I don't wanna work, I just wanna stay home and crochet/knit and then make some food
And then get absolutely pinned by my beast of a husband
Is that too much to ask????
Is it too much to ask for a big burly man to absolutely ruin me in bed but then he's dedicating himself to me in other ways???
I just wanna live on my own, at least. Crochet a bunch of flowers and vines and shit and decorate my place with them. I want friends I can just surprise with little crochet hearts or flowers and take on dinner dates.
*my ill figure pushes an image towards you* *muttering* I just need to be under him
The photo in question:
Fuck I also love him
*holds these two pictures and cries more*
WHY MUST I BE CURSED?? I AM NOT PHYSICALLY WELL ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS BEAUTY AT THIS HOUR
*it's late I should really go to bed*
Instead I shall complain more because as hard as I've tried to stay horny off main, I am unfortunately a weak-willed woman
And I am a simple woman with simple needs.
And those needs are currently to get fucking decimated by one of the above men. Fuck it, if not both
#god the things i'd let Captain Price do to me#I just wanna *sniper shot*#It'd be better if I didn't finish that sentence let's be honest#they can destroy me but i'm okay with that#Captain John Price and Sgt Kyle Garrick live in my head rent free#fucking thinking of Gaz whispering “good girl” in my ear and I am deceased#Price saying “That's my girl” at literally anything I do and I am immediately weak#EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND THINK ABOUT HIM *pictures of Gaz and Price*#*cries harder*#the way I need either one of these men is just shameful#Honestly for me though y'all do you#But like now I'm having Gaz feelings#am I going to bed? No#I'm gonna consume all the Gaz x f!reader stuff I can#and hit the Price x f!reader smut again#I hope nobody's reading these#But if you are lemme know#Lemme know how fucking crazy I am and how proud you are of me for finally getting this off my chest#kyle gaz garrick#captain john price#snootles rants
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#what does it mean if you keep waking up with your heart racing painfully and you're shaking and panicked like every morning? :'(#even when you don't remember having a nightmare or a big upset right before falling asleep#and not even like something big and scary happening today :( i'm visiting friends i miss and im on speaking terms with all my loved ones :(#also feeling very fatigued and tired :( have i been having nightmares even on the nights i don't remember them?#i've been getting adequate lengths of sleep... is my body still thinking it's in crisis mode when i wake up? :(#i know probably nobody can help or knows the answer but i'll give it a shot anyway#also every single morning it takes an hour or two or three for specifically frankie to calm down and not be um :'(#like very angry and defensive and hurt and paranoid and stuff and it seems he always needs time and caffeine to help him calm down#and tobacco now too but i'm starting to get really worried about our health in general about all of this :'(#we've always had a really hard time eating any food before four hours after waking up is it something to do with that?#thank you for reading and listening to anyone who made it this far i don't want my headmate and i to experience morning scaries everyday :')#my post
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Okay you season 4 made me crazy, I can no longer tell if it's a good or a bad show, I don't know if it's queer baiting,I don't know if it's clever, I don't know if the dialogue is intentionally garbage, reality is optional I guess and I miss Rhys feel like pure shit just want him back
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i should remake my pinned and just have "new ash post is this about fated or the qsmp" as the entire post. all i know is post about dead unfinished things, eat hot chip, and lie
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND THINK ABOUT ORIGINS SMP AND THE QSMP AND FATED AND I SCREAM ABOUT JT ALRIGHT#I MISS LUNCH CLUB !!!!!!! AND SMPLIVE !!!!!!!! MY BAAADDDD#soap youve damaged my literal soul <- JOKINGG JOKING JOKING LOVE YOU MAN
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abolish the monarchy but let’s not stop there. abolish the entire uk actually
#everyday i wake up and it gets worse. so excited you guys.#more anti trans legislation….. backed by labour…… yay…….#dgmw so glad everyone is getting over the tories. but god does anyone care. i think the only party that gives a shit about trans people rn#is the greens. and fuck knows they won’t win.#I love politics !!!!!!!!! I love that my entire livelyhood depends on it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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not putting the fandom post on blast but posing “goth or catholic” as if they’re mutually exclusive shows how no one knows what goth is anymore lmao
#babe why do you think there’s so much catholic imagery in goth fashion. WAKE UP#like yeah I doubt a super devout catholic would be goth but most Catholics are not super devout lmao#shut up m#idk everyday I see posts about Catholicism that were clearly written by Protestants and it’s always funny to me#I’m not catholic anymore but I grew up in a pretty catholic area and went to catholic school as a kid so
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on what account do your base your idea of yourself on? do you base it on your past actions, thoughts, ideas? how far back? do you account for how you have changed? do you base it on what you are doing in your day to day? I force myself to be brave. does that mean I am brave? am I simply feigning the personality of bravery? or is that what a brave person is to begin with? what is a brave person? say your current actions conflict past actions, but you feel your current actions (positive, negative, or neutral) don’t reflect you. what is “you” ? how are you defining you? for how long can you continue with your current actions before your past actions become irrelevant?
#example: you have to get up early everyday for your job/school/etc but you like to sleep in. you consider yourself a nocturnal person#but it’s hard for your body to keep up with staying up late so you begin waking up early consistently - even on the weekends. you naturally#do it and never sleep in anymore#would you still consider yourself a night owl#even though you mentally know that in the past you liked to sleep in - there is no new evidence to back up that you are in fact a night owl#your current actions say you like to wake up early#i feel like it always boils down to the question of: are you your actions or your thoughts#am i brave because I carry out brave actions? I am a cowardice at heart.. but none of my actions say that. but do they have to?#am I a brave cowardice then? shaking as I reach every goal#is it possibly to exist as both? should it be possible to only exist as one?#drives me nuts to think about this kinda stuff. it’s why I hate filling out that mbti test#am I answering these questions based off of past actions that I may or may not identify with anymore if I don’t have a recent example?#if I don’t go out how can I answer social questions? if I do go out because I didn’t leave my house for 2 years and am catching up on all#the social time I missed BUT it still feels out of character for me - how do I answer??#they ask for my actions I can give them my actions but the lack of asking my feelings and vice versa is what gets to me#I have to end this cause I can seriously go on forever
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grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet
#snap chats#i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm.#anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home#i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset#do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking#that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think#i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both#everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it#ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant#im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours#and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule#unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean#ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore#i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe#idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting#maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for..#also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end#wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow#but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die#sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month#ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️
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one thing about me is, i'll always always always value creativity and experimental ideas and stories and new structure-breaking narratives above established "commonly valued" creations, even if the creative idea's execution is less than ideal, even if the established story is "perfect and spotless". Like, i literally dont care, unconventional and paculiar and unexpected works of art are infinitely more valuable to me whether in subpar execution state or in perfect structure. If you did it differently and did it your way your creation will always be more important to me than any predictable and "proper" narrative made in complete and utter obedience of well reinforced explicit and implicit rules. "this is very well made in all the technicalities look at all these clean details—" catch me give a fuck. It's cliche, repetitive, it's boring, i dont care. We live in a time where obedience of known metrics seemingly ranks higher than any form of outside-the-box creativity and i'm done with it. Say something new, say something personal, say something earnest and paculiar and weird or i'm out of this theater.
#in semi continuous of the same notes; if you look up in the dictionary the definition of madness is me asking for feedback on my writing#from people who are knee deep in traditional structures and have not tried a single new imagery in their entire life#like babygirl they wont love you!!!! by definition they're looking at you from a place of dismay because you're going#against their ingrained value; you're undermining the predictable known forms they love so dearly!!!!#there's no way someone like that can offer any kind of coherent and geniune feedback on your work because –hear me out–#THEY DONT FUCKING VALUE WHAT YOU DO#like their baseline attitude is ''i couldn't care less if what you created didn't exist it's irrelevant to me'' THAT'S NOT A PERSON#WHO'S GONNA HELP YOU HONE YOUR CRAFT THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR CRAFT#''i dont like poetry but–'' ''i dont write in this style but–'' ''i dont read these kinda stuff but–'' the conversation is over.#there's no buts. by the principle of being outside the framework you do not have the level of appreciation expertise and nuance it takes#to offer valuable and applicable feedback and your take may be fun but it's irrelevant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also another form of the barely disguised disdain is ''your creation will only be valuable if it's executed to utter perfection'' and no.#everyday i wake up and see mediocre people#celebrating utterly bland and boring mediocre writing like it's the last day of their fucking lives.#i'll not be held to standards of ''perfect performance'' just because you dont have the balls#to say that you dont enjoy and have no appreciation for creativity and experimental efforts#''it needs to be better'' is just a polite way of saying#''i dont love this but i feel bad about it so i'll trick you and myself into thinking i'll love it if it's done faultless''#there's no stage in which an effort in creativity will be faultless to you because the fault#to you#IS the creativity and deviation from the norms.#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway good morning in this house we have absolutely zero value for bland cliche stereotypical generic things 🌸✨️#on art#on writing
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hate my stupid ass company. why do i have occurrences for using sick time. why can i not switch days i am actively trying to work with you. like why is that also an occurrence. why do they not drop off after 90 days im gonna eat raw wood
#personal#i’m so fucking sick#i got home around 8:30#did not wake up till 8#i mean other than tossing and turning and weird fever dreams#no but i’m sweating bullets just sitting up i keep coughing i’m so fucking cold#and yesterday i thought i was never gonna be warm again i had a blanket but had goose bumps and was shiver the whole day#with a back heater too!!!!!#my boss was like they’re thinking of reviewing the system bc it’s too harsh uh they fucking better#this is ridiculous#it’s mainly my section too bc i know my supervisor friend#as long as you have ur hours he doesn’t care#i think he doesn’t care about using sick time either but haven’t confirmed that#everyday like what will i quit over. occurrences or pee time
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