#i usually dont care for YA
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âWhat happens when you know you canât win a fight?â âAvoid it,â Haim said. âWhen you canât?â âGo down teeth thrashing, claws grasping, blood in your veins, death in your eyes,â Daidi said, in some voice that was scarcely her own.
. The Sapling Cage (Margaret Killjoy)
#the sapling cage#margaret killjoy#finished it this morning#and its SO GOOD#i usually dont care for YA#(no shade just not my genre)#but its so so good and i enjoyed it a lot#lizardreading
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pap pap
#karkat vantas#gamzee makara#pale gamkar#gamkar#gamkat#gamzee x karkat#homestuck#the inspiration of this was cuz of work lmao#cuz i usually like............lmfao slap people around jokingly at work and stuff#but apparently its like real painful for them LMFAO a friend told me i have like............. shovel like hand =))))))))))))#it was funny and like she knows i dont do it on purpose but aasoifuoiasdbgsg ghhhh#and ya the same day i was with this other friend and told him how my hands are So Strong he should be careful#cuz i could rip his cheeks apart if i held his face and he was like ok :D and leaned in with his face all smiling n shit#and my brain was like BOOM BOOM POW THATS GAMKAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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annoying + likes being annoyed
#my art#adventure time#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#trans#lesbian#idk of this would be in character or not#i think if a girl was hot enough id let her grab my glasses off my face and bettys pretty hot so maybe#i have more betty art but it might be too late to post it idk when the times to post art is#usually i dont care but these r like colored pieces so id rather they not like. cringeflop#idk maybe might depend on how this post does#thats all#nd in case i dont see ya again good morning good evening and goodnight
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ive changed my mind have another dualities s5 sc
#veni.txt#oh my dualities they make me want to eat my headphone wires#i hate them so bad /aff#also like#i havent at all changed my mind abt the dr**m shit i still hate him BUT#i dont want this blog to be a place where im posting negative things like that#i have plenty of ccs i dislike but i dont post abt them bc theres no point#like ya i could post abt why i hate xyz creator but id rather post abt ro and sticklers and dualities#i mean why would i post abt dr**m when i can post abt how this s5 vod specifically made me feel. OUGH.#bc mapicc was so like worried? protective? of ro after he was banned and revived#he almost killed bacon. his TEAMMATE. for killing ro and not giving the heart back over him and parrots troll#i still think ro being banned in s5 and coming back so squishy is why mapicc is still so worried for him even in s6#like him telling ro to leave the fight during the big war for spawn after bfb tried targetting him a few times#and even if That Specifically could just be him thinking smartly bc of the war he also refused to even hit ro w his sword when ro asked#for the sfx. and it Was ro specifically bc he was happy to smack bacon and offered to crit him instead#nd like he knows damn well bacon is down bad on hearts as well LOL#idt he ever wouldve killed bacon bc id consider bacon one of mapiccs lil chungus friends he cares for too#but like still im clinging to my dualities propaganda bc i think mapicc has a different type of care for ro then he does his usual like#âthis person is my friend but also a chungus so i want to make sure they dont get banned or stomped onâ#that he has w like planet and bacon yk?#okay i became the tag monster again sry gang#anyways im squeezing dualities until they pop i hate them so bad /aff
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yeah, you don't have to reblog the art, but if you rly want to know why reblogs to artists are more impactful..imagine this
a little kid runs up to their mother and is really excited to show them the drawing they spent a lot of time on of their mom and this kid holding hands. the mom goes "mmhm thats nice" but didnt actually look at them.
the kid gets upset and the mom says "why are you upset? i saw it, im not ignoring you" yeah they got acknowledged but no they didnt get acknowlegement.
theres no connection between artists and the people who enjoy their art/fandom. its intentional to reblog art, its showing you liked it enough to take the second to reblog it, its on your blog by your choice, that's so kind of you
like im sorry that these kinds of posts are annoying, but i just feel really protective of those joining tumblr to show ppl their art or fanart and getting crickets because theres no traction. how are they supposed to interact with their fandom if their fandom doesnt interact with them?
#reblogging art#tumblr discourse#maybe??? i feel its not a discourse and yet i see it far too often being Big Emotions#and a lot of resentment for ppl who are willing to put themselves out there and ask of your consideration#the tumblr starving artist is attention starved#'no one likes my art. they dont care so it must be me thats the problem'#that. thats how i feel usually and i stopped drawing because i just felt ignored#not making this about me but this is common and i feel bad#dont be mean to someone asking for reblogs on their art. their art is tied to their emotions. please be kinder about it...#sorry i rambled too long. ive just had this rolling around in my head for some time now and i finally had the words for it#y bye loVE YA--
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"No matter where I go to offer aid, Link remains at my side"
ever since i read that in game all i could picture was this
#anyways i love zelink#and yes i made this into a sticker just for my heart to be content#zelda botw#zelda totk#zelink#oh yes im trying to post more here#tomorrow i'll ran out of art to post but who cares#no but like#they make me so emotional#i love them so much#theres so much i could say about them but id rather just post my art and vanish#please scream in the tags i love seeing what other people have to say about them AS LONG AS ITS POSITIVE YES#oh ya btw i dont usually do chibis#if this is even a chibi style#but ive been kinda trying (ive made like three drawings lmao) and i really liked the result so yes#hopefully someone else does
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tfw you go through an entire day waiting for meetings/calls/people to get back to you just to find 30 minutes before you were supposed to do any given thing that itâs been cancelled so now youâve wasted the better part of your day waiting & preparing for stuff that didnât even end up happening and now you have work you have to be doing instead of doing something else thatâs actually enjoyable . đ
#vent#vagueposting#not about anyone on here but shrug emoji#sigh. Iâm so tired of being the person who puts in all the effort to organize stuff with my friends who seem to not care at all.#and Iâm so tired of being committed to things that it seems like no one else is#itâs just. disheartening#I donât usually vent on here but I donât feel like confronting anyone and I donât wanna make any of my friends listen to my Woes#I do that too much#so. sorry about the negativity anyone who sees this I just needed to scream into the void for a second ya know#itâs just . itâs not anyoneâs fault and shit comes up and people are sometimes just like that. so itâs fine.#but it makes me tired and it stops me from doing stuff I want to be doing#which I know thatâs a me problem and partially an executive dysfunction problem and I wish I was able#to not spend all day psyching myself up for an interaction and be able to just drop it and say whatever when it doesnât end up happening#but thatâs not something I can fix in the short run yanno#so. vagueing about it on tumblr I guess is the safest option lol#anyways. back to your regularly scheduled programming as soon as I get out of art block dont worry#I say as if anyoneâs gonna read this lol#honestly I hope no one does Iâm kind of in a Debbie downer mood rn and I donât like being like that. which is why Iâm putting it here ig#shrug emoji
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i recently brought that story up to my mom and told her how much it ruined my life and she completely forgot she had told me and she was just like lol ... sorry
#the earrings one . SHE WAS SO DETAILED WHEN SHE TOLD ME TOO AND IT WAS LIKE JUST B4 I WENT TO GET MY EARS PIERCED FOR THE FIRST TIME .#im not actually mad its quite funny but also omg sometimes i think abtit and i like fullbody shudder and im glad i dont wear earrings#anymore... even tho i have been wanting to get repierced#ive made a rule that im not allowed to get piercings again until i 1. move out and 2. start being better at taking care of my self#when i had my piercings i was preeeetty good at taking care of them despite everything but still yk. one of my ear piercings is kind of a#mess bc i. well this is kind of narsty so tw for potentially kind of painful story#but like i tried to force an earring into it one time and Well now i have like. the original piercing and then a little branch path LOL.#its more healed now it used to be like. a noticeable lump in my ear for a while#noticeable if u touched it#but ya. idk if its fixable or not Oh well#i dont think i rly am a jewelry guy anyways rly it usually scares me sensory wise#but i kknd of miss having piercings especially my septum ....#im pretty sure i got my septum pierced b4 i got my nose pierced. idr tho#i was craaaazy back then. If u remember my septum piercing story you understand if you dont ughhh im sick of typing . pay more attention in#connorclass (joke)#or just wait until the next time i talk abt my septum i repeat myself all the time
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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. noncoherent but also thoughts
#i have such mixed feelings on the solas varric save everyone meme#bc on one hand ya that is whats going on in that dialoge but also!! its not!!#solas *is* trying to save everyone from his pov on several levels (the spirits the ancieny elves the modern people too to an extent*)#*the extent being how far he views them as people/everyone being semi dependant on his relationship with the inquisitor i believe#and he is trying this is his third fucking attempt we know of to save everyone#(which of course he will keep trying and keep trying as alone as possible he isnt named pride for no reason he doesnt have a place -#-in the dalish pantheon for no reason)#and then varric..#my god where do i even begin with varric's pov#da2 varric is EXTREMELY you cant save everyone (so why bother to try) and so very much out for himself (and those he cares about -#-bc those are *his* friends and his friends are part of his life)#but for those outside his circle? varric does not give two shits about anyone outside in da2#dai varric has learned over the past 10 years little. imo. he's learned his friends are affected by things he cannot control (hello.) but#he clings to the idea he can control things he can write their (his) story bc if he cant (and he knows he cant its why he tries so hard) -#then its been meaningless the whole time and he's back at square one#varric has learned the you have to try thing the fucking hard way and tbh he doesnt really believe it (at least not in dai)#i REALLY wanna see dav varric and what development he's had (sorry i havent read the comics and probably wont theyre hard for me to see/read#god i wish i could see what my tags are bc i dont remember where i cut several of these off fuck mobile tagging but anyways#i want tosee what direction varric has moved in - his dialogue inthe trailer is deeply interesting to me. specifically. since it does seem#to imply a real shift in his pov but im Suspicious bc while varric has always cared deeply and has been tryung very hard to keep his friends#read his#life comfortable he's really never picked any sort of side in his life varric is deeply centrist bc he benefits from not rocking the boat#(usually.)#(dai trapped him imo and hes not there to save the world by a long shot)#but dav seems to position him into an instigator role a real shake it up and point role#very interesting to me i wanna see where it goes#anyway.#im gonna take more headache meds and open indeed and blow myself up
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Ok but you arenât serious about wanting to see teenagers have sex on television, right?
sorry to say anon but i like my teenage characters awful tortured & having the worst and/or fucked up sexual experiences ever
#i dont actually care if a teen story has sex in it or not its just that i mostly gravitate towards âheavierâ or darker ya stories which#a lot of the time show or talk abt sex in some way . not that lighter ya isnt good or anything its just not my usual cup of tea#asks
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Pie time đĽ§
#ace tries cooking#shes ugly as hell <3 but i dont even care its food and im hungry#its nearly 11pm because thats the level of procrastination im at atm but i can finally eat the pie i made after the pastry took forever to#be done and i got impatient and turned the oven to max for last quarter or so of an hour and our oven doesnt have any labels#so i dont even know how hot that is#but ya girl got no money and needed to cook so had to use what she still had in the flat cus no groceries until i get paid since i paid#for summer rent i just cant afford it so i made a lil chicken pie with the last two chicken thighs i had some carrots and onions all from#the freezer with some potatoes and gravy and made some garlic and thyme shortcrust pastry instead of buying puff pastry like i usually do#for pies and i always got butter and flour so why the fck not make my own pastry? gotta stop being so lazy now i got leftovers for the week#even if my gravy betrayed me and pooled out onto my pastry in two places smh
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I feel so conflicted everytime I see autistic Kanade hcs cause I wanna be like so true bestie but y'all gotta stop just listing her depression symptoms when chosing reasons </3
#rat rambles#sekai posting#similar with mafuyu but its less complicated as it usually becomes boderline ableist Fast#like idk I like playing around in the overlap between neurodivergence and depression in characters and how they both influence eachother#so I rly rly dont like it when these guy's depression is watered down to just. oh ya theyre sad. and everything else abt them is autism#like let them coexist and also for the love of god be careful with autistic mafuyu hcs jesus christ#anyways I think kanade's ramen thing is more of a depression thing than an autism thing sorry gang#I think it can be both if u believe in urself but its not a same food thing its a motivation thing#as someone who eats microwaved ramen nearly every day because of both just trust me Im an expert /j#its simply the token only thing she can reliably force herself to make thats not good for her but its the best she can do#ramen is also that 4 me but also muffins sometimes weirdly enough? like dude itd be so much faster tp jusr like scramble an egg and yet#idk my brain choses what 3 max things Im allowed to make any given day not me
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.
Ignore
#delete later#as awful as the past couple of weeks have been in terms of intrusive thoughts and random waves of panic and intense emotions and#blankness. there have also been random patches that have been. okay. and that is how i know my medication is working#bc the times ive been like this and not medicated? there has been no reprieve#like although i feel. awful and useless and am internalising my work failures in a non helpful way that im trying to fight#i am having moments of#hey we're okay. they raised an issue in a way that was gentle bc youre a good employee usually. and honestly although you#feel terrible for fucking up. someone you care about very much died a month ago. you have been experiencing a mental health#almost crisis (i refuse to call it a full crisis bc im not self destructing really badly) and quite frankly the fact that you're functioning#at all is. pretty decent. youre trying. i am of course having moments where im convinced that they hate me and want to fire me immediately#but that has no evidence. and the fact that i know it has no evidence is a pretty insane piece of progress#shout out to my therapist from two courses ago who drilled the moral shit into my head.#she genuinly helped me a lot with this.#also was really really hoping for the usual christmas bonus this year bc my finances are tighter than usual but the company had a#lean year so no bonuses for anyone. so dont have the leeway to try out sliding scale therapy for a while. but it is what it is.#this will pass. its just been a rough four months and i havent had a break. ive also been waiting fir thr other shoe to drop at work#and it finally has so i can at least stop torturing myself over maybes. im getting my meds. i can refer myself to nhs depression#therapy. which will be mostly useless and the same as it always is but it tends to help me feel like im trying to progress which is still#helpful in some small way. it will be what it will be. one day at a time and all that jazz#this is also how these things go for me. i lose it slowly over a month or so. have a horrific couple weeks until a day of a genuine#full breakdown. i survive that day and the day after and then slowly start clawing myself up again. ive just had a few breakdown#days this time. what can ya do. is what it is. im sure I'll have another breakdown soon as i can tell im not done crying#and will almost certainly have a breakdown at my parents bc i am not good at hiding the dead eyed look and mum will#definitely clock im being weirder than usual with food and touching things. so there'll be a#anyway nevermind. ill do what i must
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#gif#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#i keep wanting to (once again) make a post abt how like. im Not tryna be parasocial or creepy or. whatever. re: one joe keery#n i know by making this post talking abt the post i keep wanting to make im still kinda making that post but Shaddup âď¸ i just wanna get it#out my brain. but like the main reason i dont is bc 1: ive made that post. kinda. in some way. im Sure. and 2: who tf even cares LMAOOO lik#i truly dont think anyone here cares like tht n i have a solid. 200 followers on this site n maybe like 10 are actually active n its My Blo#literally im such a nobody ik it doesnt really matter. but also im like. 'what if thats what makes it seem Weird tho. like some loner stalk#'*stalker girl or whatever.' but THEN its like if i keep tryna INSIST IM NOT!!! it feels like. 'the lady doth protest too much đ' and AGAIN#I KNOW ITS NOT THAT DEEP!!!! I KNOW no one here cares. like No One is payin tht kinda attention to my blog#i think its just bc its a crush on a celeb n ive never really been that kinda person so idk how to Deal. esp in this day n age where there#ARE creepy superfans out there tht exist ykwim??? like yeah ive had 'celebrity crushes' but thts always been like 'ugh x is so attractive!'#n never really like a 'i wish i could date x.' or an 'id date x if they asked'. does tht make any sense??#basically i think im realizing im (i was??) more demiromantic than i thought i am (was???) bc ny crushes have like 90% of the time been on#ppl i Know to some level. like acquaintances at Minimum and typically actual friends. which i thought (still kinda think?? correct me if im#(wrong) is normal/typical?? bc i thought demiro was a deeper kinda connection before getting romantic feelings?? all that is to say:#i dont usually crush on ppl i dont know so this kinda crush (and on a celeb!! laameee) is weird to me n again: idk how to act đ§đ˝ââď¸#so anyways thats why i keep wanting to make tht post n then not making the post n why i decided to make This post explaining my thoughts#on the post that i Didnt Make#anyways if u actually read all this ur a real one fr and thank u for hearing me out i just wanted to get tht out fr#feel free to dm me any thoughts/opinions/corrections/concerns/whatever idk. this shits always rattling in my brain sooo ya#edit: damn... i rly wrote a fkn essay in these tags... anyways--
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literally the pet rooms at work are the evillest not bc the pets are bsd at ALL theyve all been either well behaved or very timid and avoidant so its not like they get in the way. theyre bad bc my heart wants to just pet the kittys forever
#the other day enzo who is this very very sweet shihtzu was left in the room#usually he goes on a walk with his owner while im cleaning. yk. tbey walk to town#but that day rhey didnt go on a walk so enzo was in the room with me and he was very excited at first but then realized i couldnt play with#him and then he just sat by the door sadly Lol#hes a smart dog though i think he can tell when im working vs when im just hanging iut bc umm yesterday his owner had some stuff he needed#to tell me. and enzo was all over me jumping ip so i was just.petting him the entire time his owner was talking#theyre a very very sweet duo the guy is obsessed with his dog.. the guys name is angelo BTW. hes italian if you couldnt tell#but he like. writes poems for his dog and for his late wife and its all very very sweet. he loves enzo a lot :*?#it makes me so . like babyfever but for little doggy i literally want a dog so badly i Legitimately cannot get one right now but i want .#a little dog . i want one so bad#but. as i said i shant jntil i 1. am not Sleeping in a garage and 2. get my life under control#bc i can barely take care of myself atm and it just. yk. it wouldnt be responsible of me to get one#i prolly wont be ableAt least until i move out of this house#either back home or to a new place whos to say. not me i dont know i havent decided.#but yas. enzo is the onlyyy doggy i have in all my rooms.. i have a few cat rooms though#my favorite cat is probably willy hes such a sweetie. hes okd and so fat and he isnt afraid of me at all#<- sort of a detriment bc he loves to lay on the bed while im trying to strip it. and i have to slide my hand under the covers and pry him#up. and then he makes The saddest meow ever and gets up. hes so cute#most of the other cats i dont rly see a lot... rheres maybe 3? others aside from willy and 320's cat (i dont know her name bc she Refuses#to hold still long enough for me to read her collar lol)#but the others i dont know their names Aside from oliver who is 208's cat....
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