#i used two different art programs for this which was wild

[pencilofawesomeness]

Red, the color of life—in the beginning, the end, and blurred space in-between.

-

for @theguildawards Discord Server Event: Colors of the Sky

I was assigned "red" which was super exciting because of all of the implications I could make with it. (*insert evil sad boi stick loving laughter here*) I had to go with Erza Scarlet and commit to the bit. Also I finished this a month+ ago and I am super hyped to finally post~

[alfheimr]

My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes

i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:

this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.

the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.

this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.

i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.

for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.

note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!

note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!

with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?

the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.

so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.

these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!

you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.

this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.

let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.

gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:

some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.

for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.

here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.

i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?

i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.

yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.

i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.

i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.

the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.

typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!

this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.

let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.

just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #38 | 2.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

How is it already almost March omfg.

Anyways Happy Valentine's Day month!!! This year, I was swamped with work, so I didn't get a chance to make Valentine's Day art. I did make a Valentine's piece last year though.

BUT we did have beloved @magunalafay make these Valentine's Day cards this year for the community!!! <3 If you missed it, well Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

She made these as a gift, and I love her very much. Maguna u r so talented

This month was pretty busy for me, but I'm super happy with the progress made this month ^^ I feel like I've started the year off in a pretty good groove after it being all over the place for a hot second, yay!!!

This past month, Etza and Druk's routes. With the revamped demo finishing its revisions, it left a lot more time for me to focus writing on full route development.

If you missed the announcement, I FINISHED Etza's first draft!!! YAAAYYY!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

That means 4/6 routes are finished in terms of the base writing, which is so exciting to MEEEEE. I've always seen Etza's draft as The Milestone because with their route finished, it would mean the four Central routes are done writing. And to me, while there's a good chuck of writing left, we are nearing the end of it.

There's only two routes left and that means it's about ~100k words which is CRAZY compared to when I had ~300k to write (:cries:). Even if that sounds like a lot, once I start chipping away at those routes, that 100k goes into the "double digits" aka 90k...80k... etc. and that makes me want to pee my pants

We also finished editing Druk's route, yay!!! So we reached a lot of milestones this month ^^

We are nearing the end of the Vui background commissions. It's very bittersweet; I'm so used to mentioning him in my devlogs now </3 There's only like 3(?) more BGs left for him to make, and then all of the BGs for the game will be finished. Very Wild! I think Alaris will have 25ish BGs, and they are all Stunning.

It's been a while since I showed you all a BG, so I'll give you all a preview of one I just got in!

Isn't it cozy? Guess whose house hehe

I personally have been doing a lot of sprite work this month to finish the final art assets for the demo. I added some expressions to Druk and Aisa that I'd been procrastinating (I don't even know why I was procrastinating them). And I finally finished Mom and Kimura's updated sprites! Patreon already saw them, but I'll show the new versions here too ^^

Preview of Mom (left) and Kimura (right) updated sprites. Now everyone's sprite styles are cohesive YAY!!

Aside from sprite work, much of my "art" time has been on finishing up/putting together the last of the screens for the GUI. Specifically, I got THIS BABY up and running. She is my crowning glory.

Memory Screen to Replay Unlocked Free Time Dates

Oh my god.... You all have NO IDEA how much of a pain this was to code. There is a transparency gradient going on in the left and right B&W previews (courtesy of community programming angel feniks/shawna).

And then the effort to have the Titles and Descriptions of the Previewed Date change tilted me on Multiple Occasions. But we finally got it to work thanks to bestie @siyo-koy pointing out I just coded one stupid "if" statement wrong LJAFSLIEFJIEJ. But the effort was WORTH IT because I'm so proud of her!!! I hope you all like it too as a way to relive Free Time Dates. I had a lot of fun with the Titles and descriptions.

I also put together the Stats and Affection Screens

Preview of Personality Stats & Affection Screens

So I coded both of them a bit differently from each other. The Personality Screen shows you a breakdown of your traits so far. Think of it like a pie graph! So in the preview picture, your choices indicate you are 33% Brave, 16% Charismatic, etc. I felt like this was a more natural way to portray personality rather than how many bravery points you've collected so far!

And then for Affection, it works in a more traditional way, where it counts it based on how many you've gotten out of the total amount you can get. This way, as the story progresses, how close you are to the person reflects how much your relationship as developed!

I've also added little descriptions underneath each that change depending on the percentage. So for example, if you have gotten 82% of the affection points for Kuna'a, the description of your relationship might change as well hehe

Other than that, I've mainly focused on getting the demo together. We released the beta demo earlier this month (? LOL). And the feedback has been so kind!!

A lot of this month was spent polishing so that the demo can be ready for early access and eventually public release. I updated sprites, made sure music crossfades with each other so that transitions between soundtracks feel smoother, I added/polished all of the screens I needed to (e.g., Memory Room, Full Credits, Cleaning Music Room, Adding Stats Screens), and I FINALLY as of yesterday added the Voiced Lines!!

One thing I added in the Extended Demo that I'm really happy with is the use of Extended Pronouns (courtesy of Angel Feniks). Below is a preview of how it works now!

Preview of Extended Pronouns Function. Credit to Feniks

Basically, you can choose multiple pronouns for yourself, including custom pronouns (e.g., xe/xem, fae/faer, etc.). On top of that, you can choose how often you'd like the pronouns to alternate (e.g., every line versus every scene) and what kind of terms you'd like to be used for you (e.g., neutral vs. masculine vs. feminine)!

Overall, the demo is getting closer and closer to release!!! Early Access will hopefully be ready by the end of this week or next, so if you all would like access to it, please feel free to subscribe to my Patreon for this upcoming month! Available to Wyvern tier ($5) and up.

I didn't have any time to really play any games this month because I was drowning in work LMFAOSLJIEF. I did play the Threads of Bay demo by @lavendeerstudios and it was GORGEOUS! Very cute game with lovable characters and charming visuals. Andrew, I will have your number

Every other section was really long, so I'm going to throw it here even though it's not market research. But Intertwine recently hit 600 ratings, which is crazy. Thank you for still enjoying that game even if it's not one that is my main focus anymore. I'm really happy people still like it :on the verge of tears:

Anyways, this has been a long devlog. Here's to continuing to Ball in March. Hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you soon! <3

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

AB, Mogwix and Co.

This was a piece of art did by one of the other amazing players at my D&D table for The Wild Beyond the Witchlight campaign and I love it! The robot with the hat is my PC, Environmental Analysis Automaton A-B4 or AB for short. They're a Circle of the Shepherd Druid trying to find their creator who went missing at the Witchlight Carnival under mysterious circumstances.

The other member of our party include Buttercup, the minotaur college of lore bard, Pan, the half elf college of eloquence bard/fey pact warlock, Mogwix, the goblin wizard, and Goramorn, the dragonborn way of the dragon monk.

I've been playing them for a while now and thought I'd share some of what I wrote about their creation.

Also, after this campaign wraps up we'll be starting a Curse of Strahd campaign which we will be streaming on twitch! Let me know if any of you are interested in watching or at the very least would like to hear about my PC for that campaign.

Memory Banks: 00.00.00.00.001

Visual data: 

Environment: enclosed, wood interior, man made 

Danger rating: Yellow; tripping and magical hazards  

Lifeforms: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Human Male

Audio data:

Human Male:

…there was light. Ah! Yes! Third time’s the charm, or eleventh in this case. 

 Alright Environmental Analysis Automotom Prototype A-B4, let’s see if you’re the one. Oh, that really is mouthful isn’t it? We’ll have to come up with something different. Of course, if all goes well you’ll be able to do that yourself some day, eh?

Why anyone would want to scrap you is beyond me. Well you know what they say, man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

 Oh, well…I suppose I shouldn’t say that. Readings look like you’re picking up everything audio and visual. Excellent. Was a bit worried about your memory banks. Obviously for an analysis unit all you’d really be worried about are the plants and the like pertaining to your programming. Admittedly it was a spotty job. But the storage is just about perfect. Probably will need to work on expanding it. Wouldn’t want you to have to erase memories to keep new ones. 

Oh well, details to be sorted later. Made a bit of a mess myself. 

Welcome to the world A-B4. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to be spectacular. 

Analysis:

Environment: Moderately hazardous

Humanoid: Mostly harmless

Memory Banks: 00.00.00.00.102

New Program: Designation: Speech 

Audio Data: 

Julian:

Sorry AB. Seems as though I might have crossed the wrong wires. Your visual input is temporarily down, but let’s test out this new feature. 

Oh there have been so many things I’ve been wanting to ask you. Your vocabulary should be up to snuff. I took special care in your speech pattern recognition. Best way to learn is through doing, after all. Doing in this case having been listening to my rambling for the last few months. Hopefully it did us both some good. 

I think it did. It’s how children learn at any rate. 

Alright, first question: what is your name? 

Searching…

Statement: Designation: Environmental Analysis Automotom Prototype A-B4

Julian:

No, not your designation. What is your name?

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

What do you want to be called? 

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

Well, I do suppose it’s still a bit early for you to have proper wants now isn’t it? Still got a lot of programming to get through. We’ll save your name for later. Hopefully you won’t resent me calling you AB in the future. 

I hate to ask what your thoughts on me now are.

Statement: Answer. Analysis of Human Male, Designation: Julian. Wizard. Middle Age. Diet: Tea. Sleep pattern: Inconsistent. Communication: Heavily Verbal. Danger level: Yellow. 

Julian: 

Now that’s a shining endorsement, I must say. 

Statement: Understood. Analysis confirmed. 

Julian:

Alright, next on the list, fine tune your audio input to recognize irony. 

And I’m hardly middle aged. I don’t plan to die at seventy. Well, seventy-two if you’re getting technical, but I’m nowhere near the top of the hill let alone going down it. 

Statement: Understood. 

Julian:

Let’s just get your eyes working properly again. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.200

New Visual Data: Still Image: Tiefling Female. Expression: Unknown. 

Audio Data:

Julian:

Happy. See the smile? She’s happy. 

Facial Expression: Happy. 

Statement: Understood. Smile means happy. 

Julian:

Alright. Now let’s go back to this one. 

New Visual Data: Still Image: Dragonborn Male. Expression: Happy. 

Julian:

Understandable confusion. See how his brow creases. That’s anger. 

Question: Showing teeth indicates happiness and anger?

Julian:

I’d say it’s usually either or, but yes. The subtleties are in the eyes. Mouths may lie, but the eyes always tell the truth. We’ll get more into the nuances once you get the basics down. 

Question: What is lie?

Julian:

Deception. It’s when a person says one thing but means another. 

Question: Like irony? 

Julian:

Ah no…well, sort of. It comes down to intent really. It’s when somebody makes a false statement and indends for another to believe them. 

Question: Why lie? 

Julian: 

Any number of reasons. Some people lie in order to trick somebody into doing something they want. Other times people lie in order to comfort another. 

Statement: Definition unclear. 

Julian:

Fair enough. I think this is just something you’ll have to wait to figure out when you’re older. 

Statement: Understood. Question will remain unanswered. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.01.002

Julian:

I do hope you don’t find these memories too boring once you properly wake up. I mean, most days are boring, but from what I understand you’ll be able to remember everything that’s ever happened to you, this included. 

I can only imagine what you’ll think of me. Try to be charitable. I’d argue no parent in the world has put this much effort into the actual creation process. 

Oh Gods, me a father? That doesn’t sound right. I’m not old enough– Well, I am plenty old enough, but I never saw myself as the fatherly type. 

Forget I said anything. Or, no, don’t forget. That’s not an order. Just an expression.

I’m really not giving you much of a leg up if I’m your example am I?  We’re going to have to make sure you get out more.

Memory Bank: 00.00.01.095

Visual Data:

Environment: Lab

Danger Rating: Yellow, tripping and magical hazards

Lifeforms: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Elf Male

Facial Expression: Surprised, subcategory: Unknown

Audio Data:

Unknown Elf: 

What in the nine hells? 

New Visual Data:

Lifeform: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Julian

Facial Expression: Surprised, subcategory: Put-out

Julian:

What are you doing back here?

Elf Male:

I should be asking you the same thing. You’re not seriously considering this. 

New Visual Data:

New Facial Expression: Elf Male

Facial Expression: Angry, subcategory: Very

Julian:

There is a reason why I keep my work private. 

Elf Male:

It’s one thing to work with automatons, maybe dabble in trying to awaken one for a period of time, but this? Do you realize what magic you’re tampering with?

Julian:

What I’m doing is just taking the awaken spell and to its most logical conclusion. Where exactly am I going too far? 

Elf Male:

To create a sentient creature they require a soul. You think you can just create a soul out of whole cloth?

Julian:

Last I checked quite a number of creatures create new souls every day, oftentimes by accident. 

Elf Male:

You know what I mean. Those are living, breathing, biological beings touched by the divine. This is a machine. Whatever programs or even magic you put into it, all it will ever be able to do is pantomime mortal emotions. It will forever be soulless unless you give it one or somehow deluded yourself into thinking you could create one. 

Julian:

I am making no claims to my personal ability to isolate the soul. My only claim is that something doesn’t require biological parts to have one. 

AB has no baseline instincts, not even survival. They were initially programmed for cold, calculated analysis of raw environmental data. All I’m doing is attempting to give them the ability to ask why and the choice to find the answer. 

Curiosity, in its purest form. That’s where it all starts. I give them the baseline ability to recognize emotions in others and the rest writes itself. How they decide to react will ultimately be up to them as they grow to understand and empathize with the world around them. Now look me in the eye and tell me that’s not any child you’ve ever met in your life. 

Elf Male: 

All without a soul to guide them. 

Julian:

You really haven’t met many children, have you?

Elf Male:

This isn’t a joke, Julian. Gods, do you not hear yourself?

Julian:

What exactly am I doing wrong? I’m not hurting anyone. No bodies are being exhumed. No souls have been stolen. No deals have been struck. All I am doing is what every wizard has done which is explore the full extent of our reality. 

Now either you’re right and what I end up making will merely pantomime mortals. Or I’m right, and I will have proven that souls are not given to us by some divine entity. What we call a soul is created within ourselves for each other. No gods required. 

Elf Male:

I can only hope I’m right.

Julian:

And I can only feel sorry for you. 

Visual Data:

Elf Male: Out of range

Analysis:

Elf Male: Potentially harmful

New Visual Data:

Lifeform: Julian

Facial expression: Sad, subcategory: unknown

Question: Are you sad?

Julian:

Not sad, AB. Disappointed perhaps.

Statement: Understood. Expression is disappointment.

Question: What is disappointment?

Julian:

It’s when you hoped something would be different from what it actually is. 

I wish I could tell you people like him are a minority. I wish I could say that others will see you and fully accept you as the person you will become. 

Some of them will. I think most people will want to. It’s hard to say. There is a great deal of ignorance and fear in the world, and a lot of people are content to leave it that way. 

Do try to be patient with us though. We’re only mortal. 

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

I guess what I mean to say is, go into the world assuming people want to be kind.

Statement: Understood.

Question: And this can cause disappointment? 

Julian:

More often than not, but you’ve got to do it anyway. 

Statement: Understood. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.01.269

Audio Data:

Julian: 

I really do hate to admit it AB, but perhaps Dustain was right. Arcane magic will only get us so far. You’ve progressed nicely, but something is missing. Just that last little umph. 

Don’t worry, I’m not about to ask a god for help. Bastards would just rub in our faces. 

The awaken spell is the baseline of all of this. Perhaps that’s the best place to start. The magic innate in nature is separate from the divine. You’re not so different. Metal is merely refined elements found in nature. Just because you’re man made shouldn’t exclude you. 

Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t have wiped all that analysis programming. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.02.154

Julian:

Now this is silly, isn’t it. I’m not even sure if this is going to work. But, I think I’ve got a lead on something that might finally wake you up. Not sure when I’ll be coming back, if I will. Of course, if I don’t come back, you’ll hardly care, now, will you? But, you might care, someday. Depends if this works. Memories are funny like that. They change the more you remember them. That was the point of all my ramblings anyway. 

What am I trying to say here? Wish me luck? Wish us luck? 

I can’t wait to meet you.

[hezuart]

Why did you switch from animation to reviews? Also, do you still plan on doing CGI like you mentioned multiple times?

oH BOY..... you may need to sit down for this one

So it all started back in 2012. I was around 14 years old and just saw Rise of the Guardians and Wreck it Ralph. The stories, the characters, the world-building, the animation... now I never really went to movie theaters as a kid, but as a teen I started going and I instantly fell in love.

I went to community college for a few years and made some amazing friends. Loved some of my teachers and we participated in fun events like the 24-hour challenge and Campus Movie Fest. I had gotten in the top picks for Campus Movie Fest at some point and was supposed to go to the Cannes Film Festival in France to showcase my short film, but then the pandemic hit and it got canceled indefinitely.

So get this, for community college, I got a certification in 3D Animation and Video Game development. It's basically an AA degree but without general ed. (Why do you need general ed to get a degree in something? Math and PE have nothing to do with Animation. College is ridiculous. People have to pay you more simply because you were forced to spend more money in college. Wild.) Out of the 20 classes I had taken to get this certification, only 3 of those courses were hands-on 3D animation. And only one of those courses was hands-on video game development and I dropped out of that class because it was PC only and I only had a Mac at the time. I applied to the class without realizing it was accommodating only to PCs. So even my certification is barely reaching the basics for the title of it, but I did take another online course or two for 3D animation which I have a different certification for.

Now even with my 3D animation, I was never taught the physics engine. I was never taught hair or cloth simulation, but I do have modeling, rigging, animating, and texturing experience. For gaming, I have very little experience. I've only modeled things and found my way around Unity, but otherwise, I suck at coding. I hate coding with a passion. Making a video game without coding isn't really possible.

Now, when the pandemic hit, a lot of things were shutting down. I had no idea where I wanted to go next. People kept asking me where I was going for my higher education, but I kept getting warned not to waste money on college if you're trying to become an artist, especially at University. It's a money pit, and competition is so high, you're not guaranteed a job, you're just gonna be in debt. Even colleges like Cal Arts, who charge over $1K per class, I've been told are a "Pay to get in" kind of place. Where the money is used to nab professionals from their work to teach students or talk about their company or programs, and through that, you get a bigger chance to get your foot in the door because you know someone. I've unfortunately been told that's the more realistic way to get into animation: networking. If you're a shy introvert who doesn't know any famous people, you need to be extremely talented and unique to stand out to get the chance of being noticed. I don't really want to suck up to people nor do I want to waste thousands of dollars and 5 more years on college that I may not even need (let alone be able to afford) especially if there are online classes that may be even more valuable.

Now after I got out of college and started applying a few places, I discovered a LOT of unfortunate information.

Most animation these days is done overseas. South Korea, India, Japan, and Canada are the big ones.

Invader Zim, Steven Universe, Miraculous Ladybug, The Simpsons, OK KO, Star vs the Forces of Evil, Kipo and the Age of the Wonder Beasts, Adventure Time, Twelve Forever, and the Powerpuff Girls Reboot were animated in South Korea. The Ghost and Molly Mcgee is animated in Canada.

(The first four seasons of the Simpsons were animated in America until it switched to South Korea and India.)

2D traditional animation is no longer viable. Puppetry is the industry standard because it's the cheapest. Luckily, Toon Boom Harmony has allowed us to push the boundaries of 2D puppetry. Puppetry these days, if done well, can look really great, like Tangled the Series, but if you don't have Toon Boom Harmony, you're probably not gonna be hired.

Not even all 3D is made in the USA. If it's Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar, then it's usually USA. But streaming service movies, like Sea Beast, Kid Cosmic, The Willoughbys, and Klaus, while they claim to be a "Netflix Original" that "Netflix Animation" animated, that's a lie. Klaus was animated by Yowza! Animation in Canada. The Willoughbys: Bron Animation, Canada. Kid Cosmic: Mercury Filmworks, Canada. Sea Beast: Sony Pictures Image Works, Canada. (X)

Go Go Cory Carson is written and storyboarded in America, but the animation is shipped out to be done in France. Sonic Boom is also French Animated.

Even Sony Pictures? Open Season, Surf's Up, Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, SMurfs, Hotel Transylvania, Over the Moon, The Angry Birds Movie, Sea Beast? Sony Pictures Imageworks is based in Canada. They're doing all the animation for them. It's not animated in America, it's merely funded by them.

I should also clarify: I only want to participate in stylized animated media. I don't want to do CGI for hyper-realistic films, which eliminates most of the animation jobs out there these days. It's just not my thing. The insane amount of details and uncanny valley are just so unappealing, I can't do it.

The closest animation studios are still far away. Most companies are located in LA. I'm over 7+ hours away from there. LA also has a high poverty rate, terrible air quality, is overcrowded, and is just generally not a good place to live, especially if you're low middle class. You're not gonna survive there.

Pixar is located in Emeryville, a few minutes north of San Fransisco city. Emeryville is the most crime-ridden city in that area. They tell you not to walk home alone at night. You're more likely to get robbed there than anywhere else according to the population ratio there. There are a lot of gangs that hide up there, and there's a lot of poverty there, even outside of San Fransisco. It's basically a trash pit. Not an ideal place to live, and commuting through 3-hour SF city traffic is also not gonna work. (X)

I have also been informed some people who work at Pixar are petty that the interns use their facility. Pixar has a heated pool, soccer field, gymnasium, and a few other nice things on their property. I was informed there was a person or two who got mad that an intern was using their basketball court.... when the intern was on break. As though they weren't part of Pixar, as though they had no right to touch the property. Apparently, they also used to make the interns push around little tea carts to serve refreshments as a way to "talk to the fellow animators" to probably get them interacting, but hearing that the interns were basically chored with butler duty to bother the animators hard at work seems like such a forced thing. That makes me uncomfortable. Of course, the person who told me these stories has been working with Pixar for over a decade or two now, so things could be very different as the years went on. Pixar itself on the inside of the animator building is gorgeous. They all decorate their office spaces in crazy ways, it looks like a movie set. But they have a bar and "whiskey club". They're apparently allowed to drink at work and have often had parties that got a little out of hand. There's also an old chain smoker room where the founders used to play poker and spy on people outside of their room with hidden cameras; I've even been inside. I don't think they use it anymore, though I'm not totally sure. Some of this info was fascinating, but the drinking made me uncomfortable. I kinda want to work with sober people here.

The sex ratio in the animation industry is also interesting and unfavorable. 70% of the animation and art school ratio is women, but only 34% of the actual animation workforce is women. 34% female to 66% male. More women study animation than men, but more men get hired and hold positions than women. Animation, ironically, has always been a male-dominated workplace. This unfortunately contributes to the "you have to know someone" or "be rich" to get-in situation. Men know a lot more men and not as many women. So the 30 to 40-year-old guys hire the other guys they know rather than a young poor girl with a passion. This makes it even more difficult for me to get in. (X)

20th Century, Netflix Animation, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Bento Box, Vanguard Animation, Universal Studios, Titmouse, 6 Point Harness, ShadowMachine- all LA / South California.

There are a few places I could apply to, but what they do, I just don't care for. Niantic(Pokemon Go), Lucasfilm(Effects), Whiteboard Animation(Marketing), Sharpeyeanimation (Marketing), EA games (Mass Effect, Battlefield, Dragon Age 2, all those hyper-realistic war, sports, or fantasy games.)

So whether it's outside of the USA or within the USA, I need to move. I don't have the money for that yet.

Just find a company that does remote work, right? It should be easy, especially in pandemic times! Wrong. Most animation companies don't permit remote work. It's probably a security issue. But I've done research on this. The only big animation company I've found (so far) that allows remote work (or is HIRING for remote work) is Mainframe Studios in Canada. They have a 3D animation job list, and I guess they focus on animating Barbie movies(???). (X) But that's about it. And even if you're a remote worker, there's a high likely hood you still need a Visa to be allowed to work for a company belonging to another country. So that's a whole other legal process to deal with.

Disney is becoming a huge corporate monopoly over American animation. They bought Blue Sky only to kill them off. (Disney also just recently laid off 7,000 people due to their stock price drop and failed movies they released the past year with deliberately bad marketing for political reasons. (X) Disney also bought Pixar and is pushing for sequels because weird or bad, sequels and terrible live actions make them a LOT of money. Did you know Disney's terrible Lion King CGI remake is amongst the top 10 highest-grossing movies ever made? It's criminal. (X)

Because Disney is such a big name in the USA, there's a huge association of animation = children's media, which is not true. Animation at the Oscars also has its own category, when it's not a genre, is a medium. Disney often wins at the Oscars too because no one sees the other animations. Granted, Disney has an insane marketing budget in comparison, but it's clear no one cares to seek out animation outside of heavy CGI live-action these days. No small-time studios, no limited releases, no anime. The fact that Disney also now OWNS the Oscars is SUS as hell. (The fact that Disney-owned ABC threatened the Oscars, forcing them to cut 8 categories or else there wouldn't be a show that year is wild. There isn't even an oscar for stuntmen. What the fuck, Hollywood?) (X)

Dreamworks nearly went bankrupt and sold itself to Comcast back in 2013. Comcast also owns Illumination. Dreamworks has been focusing on making bad tv show adaptions of their IPs. So yes people, Jack would sooner meet the Minions than meet Elsa. Disney is the biggest corporate monopoly, but it's definitely not the only one. The animation industry in America is snuffing out its competition by buying it out for itself. It's insane the kind of power they have.

Competition is HIGH. Because of this, the only ways to get in? If you're rich or you know someone. Pixar gets over 3,000 intern applications every summer. Less than 100 are seen by actual hiring managers. The most interns Pixar has ever taken in a single year were 12. The least they ever took in a single year was two. A 12 to 3,000 ratio is not favorable. That's a 3% chance to get into a big-shot animation company.

And again, because remote work isn't permissible to new hires, you need to live in the area to commute to the campuses. This is one of the reasons why LA is so crowded.

If you get into an animation company purely remote and maybe even for a different country? You are the luckiest person alive.

Programs are expensive. The animation industry is very strict on what programs they use. The industry standard for 2D puppetry is Toon Boom Harmony; the industry standard for 3D animation is Maya, and the industry standard for video game development isn't as clear but Unity is one of them.

Some of these programs are free, as long as you are a student. If you are attending college or a certain online program, you can use your school-issued email through them to apply to get the program for free for about a year. Otherwise, if you're using it to make your own animations solo?

Autodesk Maya: $225 a month or $1,785 a year (X)

and guess what? Maya removed its free render service. Arnold is now built in by default, however, if you want to BATCH render (Meaning render a full scene or several slides) it will slap it's ugly watermark over it.

Fun fact, this very rendered watermark can be seen accidentally in a single frame for the Kingdom Hearts Frozen cutscene

Well, you need to batch render if you're trying to animate so let's see what Arnold costs- $50 monthly to $380 annually.... are you kidding me?! The rendering PLUG-IN BUNDLED TO MAYA COSTS MORE TO USE THAN THE OWN PROGRAM?! (X)

Now, there are other rendering plug-ins you can probably use with Maya. But they all have their ups and downs and their own costs as well. (X) Pixar's Renderman is $595 per license. I can't seem to get info on Octane. V-ray solo is $39 monthly while premium is around $60 monthly.

Now there IS Blender, an alternative to Maya. It is free and I have it. That is ideal to work in for people like me. I tried it a while back, but I hated the interface windows. It was hard to work on it when you can't close them properly. It's possible they've fixed this in an update, but I haven't touched the program in over three years so I wouldn't know. It's different from Maya a little, so it has ups and downs in comparison too. But Blender is a savior to 3D artists everywhere.

Toon Boom Harmony isn't as bad but still high: Lowest price is $27 monthly / $220 annual and the highest is $124 monthly / $1,100 annual (X)

Unity has a basic version that is free, but Unity Plus is $399 yearly while Unity Pro is $2,040 (X)

So some programs are clearly more viable than others. But imagine you're trying to model, texture, rig, animate, simulate, and render a short film all by yourself in Maya. That's gonna take you over a year or two, and you'll have several thousand dollars out of your pocket by the time your free trial ends. And might I say, for an industry-standard program, Maya sucks. It's almost unusable without those plug-ins for not only rendering but also for the models to even be able to SELECT their BONE rigs.

Do you want to practice on your own when school is out of session? Fuck you! Fuck subscription services! Welcome to capitalist hell, baby!

Again, using Blender is more viable, but you're still going to be basically doing everything yourself. That's gonna take years. Do you have the patience for that? Do I?

Because of the pandemic, movies aren't even hitting theaters anymore. They're going straight to streaming services. Streaming services of which, gain sole rights to and can take media off their platforms at any time without warning. Thanks, Discovery+ ! Does everyone remember the HBO Max Animation & DC purge? It could happen to other streaming services too. Piracy will save the future of animation at this point. (X)

And again, Streaming services like Netflix will purchase films and claim they made them by slapping their logo over it; but no, they either bought the distribution rights or produced them through funding and maybe storyboarding. Often times from a Canadian film studio. (Link again X)

Even stop motion companies like LAIKA are losing money and may have to shut down or be bought out in the future, especially considering how much work and money they put into their films vs. how much money they actually make. (X)

All of this? Naturally made me fall into a depression. My god, the layers of hopelessness. My animation and modeling is pretty average too. I'm decent. I can maybe make a good shot. But I can't blow people away like James Baxter can. I mean, I shouldn't compare myself to people. If I worked really hard, maybe I could get into a good company. But again, I have to move! A part of me gave up. I don't really do 3D animation anymore, though part of me misses it.

I still 2D animate. I'm trying to make a short film and though my college friends who were working on it with me have given up, I have done my best to keep going. Even if it has been produced at a snail's pace for the past three years, I still intend to finish this animation. It's gonna be beautiful when it comes out, and it will be a wonderful portfolio piece regardless.

So with nothing else to do and no other kind of job experience really under my belt(plus my family is prone to covid so getting a job in the pandemic was just kind of out of the question) I decided to go to youtube. I heard some people can make a little money on there, but the truth is I had actually wanted to become a youtuber for a few years prior. I've always looked up to animators and reviewers on youtube, I've loved the stories they tell and their incredibly detailed analysis essays on movies, tv series, books, etc. I wanted to be one of them. I wasn't sure exactly what I'd do, so I just followed the Youtube Partnership program set up which took a few months, and then jumped in! I found I only had the time to upload once every month or two. I had a ton of audio issues and I'm not outputting at the proper 1920 x 1080 quality that I should be doing either. It's a huge learning process that I still haven't perfected, but I'm taking notes to try and get better.

Even though Youtube is fun, I only make $300 a month, and that isn't even consistent. With patreon, I make maybe another $80 or $100 on top of that, so overall $400 a month average. That's really nice and pretty cool! But it's not enough to survive.

Now I work part-time at a coffee shop. My mental health is a lot better and I love my coworkers. I make roughly $400 a week in comparison to the $400 a month. It's still not enough to live off of (the cheapest rent around is over $1,000 a month, not ) and it's still a temporary job in the long run. I intend to work here for maybe another two years to save up money.

But what do I do now?

Am I welcome in animation spaces anymore?

As a critic of popular media, it could be likely that they could fire me or deny my application because of my critique of their past films or tv series. They could see my youtube persona and assume I'm a raging untrustworthy nitpick instead of a passionate, kind person.

Vivziepop's Spindlehorse company? What Viv was doing was a dream. I was so inspired by her. She made her own company, made a super successful pilot, and was even creating more jobs for traditional, high-quality animation. However, for Hazbin Hotel, she required more funding, which is why she sold it off to A24, who now has corporate say in the show. A24 is known for letting creators be more lenient, but otherwise, Viv won't have full control over it anymore unless she managed to get them to sign something over to her; but with the rumors of her being kicked off season 1? I don't know anymore.

Her own company Spindlehorse; they rely on youtube revenue and/or merch sales to fund Helluva Boss. That's a tricky business practice, but it's kept them afloat so far.

However, Spindlehorse is hiring a lot of people as of late. This could be a bad sign; that people might be leaving the company due to potential mistreatment or unhappiness. With the way the show is going, I don't really want to be part of that company regardless, but maybe before season 2 of Helluva Boss, I would have considered applying. Had I made any critique videos prior, there's no way they'd accept me. "Aren't you that one YouTuber that said my writing is bad for season 2 episode 2?" And you expect me to hire you?" Like yeah, that application process would go down well. Not. By critiquing artists' work, some of them are very sensitive. I'd be kicked out for a lot of things, when really, we artists should be critiquing each other all the time, trying to improve. That's how the writer's room always is, ahaha... hours of fighting goes down in those meetings. It's intense, but fun.

But yeah, it's such a shame. Even small companies need to sell out to corporate to survive. Either that or be HEAVILY crowd-funded, which again, can be a slippery slope.

I see a ton of small projects on Twitter looking to hire people, or looking to become a big studio to release a pilot or game. I've joined a few of them, but most are unpaid because of COURSE they are, and then these projects?? Just don't go anywhere. Because it's unpaid. Because we can't afford to work on a project for free. IRL comes first. Some of these projects seem so great but they don't go anywhere, and it's hard to have faith in start-up studios anymore. (Game creators might have a chance, but tv series or films? Good luck, folks.)

At that point, should I just make my own company? I don't have the money or knowledge for such a thing! It's insanely expensive to start a business and get licensing. So much paperwork, so much everything! And the USA Government is so behind in understanding technology. If you want to create a remote business and/or copyright something, you're still required to put an advertisement in a local newspaper about it, even if your business isn't selling to locals. 💀 The number of fees and ridiculous legal hoops you need to jump through... it's a ridiculous waste of time and money. But you need to do it. The question is, am I willing to do it? Am I willing to tackle such an insane thing by myself?

I want to keep my internet persona and IRL persona separate, but can I? I value having a private, quieter life away from the screen. I worry about getting doxxed one day because of the nature of the internet. I worry about people finding my IRL resumes or profiles for work I want to do outside of youtube for security's sake. My art style is unique and very recognizable. I don't have a lot of private art that is worthy of being in a portfolio. But for absolute safety, I'd need to password-protect my websites or portfolios so the public doesn't have free access to them; only companies I'm applying to. But at that point, does password-protecting my resume and portfolio make it less likely I'd be hired due to the inconvenience? Due to the private, hard-to-find nature of my work? Being a YouTuber with great story skills and art skills with a fanbase could be a big plus to getting hired somewhere, but it could also be a horrible disadvantage that would get me fired. It's a double-edged sword that I cannot work around and I don't know what to do.

I've considered the video game industry, but even that isn't ideal. A lot of the indie ones I adore aren't made in the USA. Gris and Monster Camp were made in Spain. Ori and the Blind Forest: Austria. Hollow Knight: Australia. Little Nightmares and Raft: Sweden. LIMBO & INSIDE: Denmark. Outlast, Don't Starve, Spirit Farer, Bendy and the Ink Machine: Canada.

SuperGiant Games did Hades, Transistor and Bastion and is located in SF, but they're not hiring. Janimation, a multi-media company located in Texas isn't hiring. Frederator in New York isn't hiring.

I don't want to work for a studio that does nothing but first-person shooters or sports games. If I want to get into the gaming industry, I probably need to crowdfund and make a company to make a game myself.

If I make my own game, which I've wanted to do for a long time now and still want to... I can't code. I guess I could try to hire someone that could? But a game to the extent I want... I'd need to start small. I'd need to practice. It's several years of work. Will it even be worth it? I don't think I can do it alone. I'd need crowdfunding and workers; which again, here comes the "make my own studio" issue...

Do I even want to animate anymore? I prefer traditional animation in comparison to puppetry. I prefer 2D animation to 3D animation simply because it is more accessible. But even then, I'm finding myself drawn more and more to writing, storyboarding, and character design. If I were a 3D animator, this is mostly what I'd be working with all day: Naked models in an empty room. I'd do none of the physics simulation or texturing or lighting.

Animating naked & bald people all day... I don't know... 3D Animation kind of lost its appeal. You only work on such a small portion of a film, you almost never have the bigger picture. You won't see the final result until the film is done. As an animator, you're almost kept in the dark. Maybe that's how they want it anyway, since leaks are a huge issue they keep quiet under strict NDA.

But yeah, anyway... I'm an artistic digital generalist. I can do almost anything. 3D animation, storyboarding, writing, photo editing, illustration, rendering, modeling and so much more. It's hard to choose what you really want to be in this industry. I feel like Barry Benson dfklgjdflkjg

I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore. There's gotta be a solution to this but I just can't figure it out. I don't want to give up my youtube channel so I can be an animator. I don't want to give up a safer, quiet countryside house to be able to survive financially. Am I even willing or able to move countries? Is my career more important than friends and family?

I think I'm thinking too much about everything. I should start small. Move less than an hour away first and move in with roommates to get a feel for independence instead of jumping into it immediately. Get a job at a small time company, maybe not for what I want at first, but it'll get me some experience and maybe I'll learn some things along the way to understand where I can go next. Take it slow and don't panic too much over trying to be a young big shot. Take things one day at a time? That's my current goal, I suppose.

So you know... to answer your question... why did I switch to youtube for a current career? Because of a classic existential & career crisis in my 20s. Will I ever go back to 3D animation? Maybe. Maybe one day.

[kynamo]

hello!! i just wanted to ask a few questions if that's fine

1) ur style is amazing!! i enjoy how soft it all looks - its not a question just wanted to say that

2) why do you like bkdk? not trying to be rude or anything! i'm really curious is all

3) what brushes/programs do you use, i've been curious about it for a while now

Whoa my first ask!

thank you so much!!! I'm glad you enjoy my style so much, it makes me happy to see people enjoy my art

I'll answer your third question first as that will be a much shorter response HA; I use Clip Studio Paint, as for my brushes I use all sorts of brushes that I've downloaded from the shop. But the brushes I've been using the most lately is one called 6B Pen! the content ID is: 1995920 if that helps :)

as for your second question... this will be a lengthy response! and a bit of spoilers too the further I talk (1.2k words! goddamn)

I've honestly loved both Deku and Bakugo since the beginning! Their dynamic is one of the most interesting dynamics I've seen in a while personally. I was really into MHA back in 2016-2017 (my irls that knew me then will know this as a fact) and I was a HUGE Deku fan. I remember when the panels of Bakugo getting kidnapped happened and that was WILD. I knew since the beginning that these two were not gonna just disappear from each other's lives, they were connected to each other.

Witnessing Bakugo's development made me root for him and love him. A lot of people want him to change his entire personality which doesn't make sense to me, like he wouldn't be Bakugo without the attitude. He's a flawed character who has changed for the better. I'm honestly glad it took him a while to apologize. You actually got to see the progression of him realizing that he fucked up and is genuinely sorry for what he’s done. If it had been done any sooner the apology wouldn’t have been as impactful. He wouldn’t have been as genuine otherwise. That’s HIGHLY important to him as a character. There’s so much I can say about him as a character as there’s quite a lot of depth to him that I heavily enjoy!

I’ll leave Bakugo with one final thing as I’ve said so much already gejdndn but!! I think one of the major things some people struggle with when it comes to change is that change doesn’t always mean changing every aspect of yourself. Changing every part of yourself can sometimes make you feel lost or like an impostor in your own skin. I think it’s important for Bakugo’s character to have the development to understand he isn’t invincible, that he can lose, he’s made mistakes and has been trying to make up for it, and it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel but you can no longer bottle it up like once before. Those days are over. But that doesn’t mean he has to change the core part of himself. He’s learned his own way of what it means to be a hero.

Yeah Bakugo is loud! He’s proud! He’s witty! He’s able to adapt to situations and he’s quick to think about what he needs to do to reach absolute victory! He’s learned the lesson that he doesn’t have to be nice, but he needs to be kind. Those are two very different things. He’s never gonna stop swearing and being a bit of a menace but you know you always got someone in your corner when you need it with him.

Deku to me is also an incredibly interesting character. In the beginning he wasn’t super confident about himself, he had to play catch-up to all of his peers when they’ve had their quirks since they were 4! That means he had to work harder, be smarter, to be adaptable as he wasn’t able to use OFA to its full potential. While everyone had years worth of practice when it came to trying to get into UA, he had less than a DAY. There was also a giant secret that was his responsibility to keep at such a young age.

A secret… that he immediately told Bakugo about.

Deku who wasn’t confident in himself, someone who was told he could never do it, a boy who had no power of his own, yet he had a soul/heart of a hero. He naturally wanted to save. The kicker is his first need to save came about because of Bakugo. Deku saw Bakugo and his body moved on it's own. There's so much to unpack with that alone! But Deku obviously had his development occur over the series.

He struggled with this idea that he had to do this alone. He was isolated from his peers due to having to keep this massive secret from them. You can see he got close to his friends, but he didn't really talk to them about himself. Yeah they were close! But he kept a lot of his guard up around them still.

He was friendly but he wasn't open.

It was interesting to witness this arc of his over time how he became more confident in himself and in his abilities to save. But there was also another set of developments that were occurring that has led us to his vigilante arc. This need to be a hero led him down isolation. He became fearful because Shigaraki figured out his weakness.

Deku doesn't want to admit to his own feelings.

Deku keeps it locked up.

And that to me is when shit gets real fascinating.

I said earlier that Bakugo has become more open over time. He's accepted his feelings and isn't trying to bottle it up any longer. Deku on the other hand who is seen having his heart on his sleeve never tells anyone what he is really thinking. Every once in a while does he actually say what's truly on his mind (“I could admire All Might from a distance, but you were right there. This amazing person in my life! That's why I always… I always… chased after you!” - Deku says this in chapter 119!) but other than that he keeps his cards rather close to his chest (“When the urge to win is stronger than the desire to save, I tend to run my mouth a little more without thinking. You'd think I'd hate myself for that, but…somewhere deep inside… It's because you're who I picture when I think of ‘victory.’” - Deku's thoughts in chapter 120!).

It wasn't until recently that we, as the readers - have been entirely closed off from what Deku is thinking. Yet there has been a new possibility that has just opened up: Bakugo's thoughts.

"Because for all of his triumphs, he was still just a damned nerd." (chapter 348!)

Holy fuck??

Everyone is pretty much certain at this point in time that Bakugo was the one narrating chapter 348. Deku closed his thought process off but Bakugo has opened up his. Quite the fucking development if I do say so myself. They somehow swapped! And I can talk for two hours about this (and I have actually! the power of neurodivergency is so real) but I should cut this much shorter HELP

This all adds up to why these guys are my favorite out of the whole series. Their separate development including how their arcs go with each other and bounce off one another is so fucking cool!! They're foils of each other and it just works. I've always been interested in characters and how they'll change over the course of time and these two have really made my brain rattle.

It's due to this that to me they just work overall. Shit you don't even have to see them in a romantic light if you really don't want to. But to me: they're partners in every sense of the word. Their relationship cannot be broken, they're always meant to have the other in their lives. And that's why I ship them.

Plus to me they're just so silly... how could you not love them???

THANK YOU IF YOU REACHED THIS FAR?? and thank you anon for asking!!!

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

🎬💭🦋💘💡🧪🤩 💛

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

Last time I said Lovesick, but that's kind of cheating since I already fancast that.... so let me try something new.

I want to make a miniseries out of Princes & Pickpockets! Tom Holland for Midoriya. He just gives the energy I want midoriya to have within it (and since they're from a fantasy land, I don't really have to narrow it down to Japanese/Asian actors). Also.... I kinda want a Kpop idol to be Todoroki.... the grace... the elegance... I'm a Jimin fan so... he's the one on my mind rn. I also can't stop laughing over the idea of Tom Holland being betrothed to Park Jimin😂 no wait, I actually wanna think about this I might make another post for this casting lmfao

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

A lot of the times it's songs honestly. I like making playlist for the storyline!

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

I love writing the angry characters who feel too much but refuse to let it show. Keith, Katsuki, Rody, Chuuya. They feel... close to home lmfao

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

I personally love to write angst. I love digging into the aches and worries. I actually find it really hard to write fluff because I worry it's too cheesy or unrealistic and half the time I don't even know how couples are supposed to act once everything is settling

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

This should be an illegal question lmfaoooo oh man. Theres... stilverse, the soukoku fic, two rddk ones..... then there's concepts I haven't posted which are like... another four???? God t.t let's not talk about it lmfao

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

I do, to the point where it's not even all that necessary. I know so much about queer Japanese artists rn (enough to ramble, not enough to educate tho...) and I research a lot of cultural aspects to make sure it's authentic. I used to research dance a lot in order to describe it. For a while I was actually in a fitness program that taught basic kickboxing/jiu-jitsu, and I used that to create an ATLA battle scene. It's honestly really fun to me. You won't believe how much research has gone into STILverse since they all have different jobs and I wanted to give them complex lives to interweave and ahhhhhh yes, yes I do research.

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

Honestly, happenstance. I found fanfiction which led me to finding pages on Facebook of fans who would post imaginary snippets and that led to me writing and eventually I found Tumblr and started posting here. I was really surprised when I got responses and feedback from other fans, and I realized there was a lot of layers to fandom. Role-playing and fanfiction and art and cosplay and just the general discussions. I've been lucky enough not to encounter toxicity (wild considering the fandoms I've been in) so it's all been really enjoyable!

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

Ahhh. Honestly, this is something I learned in college in my poetry classes not quite through fanfiction, but the most impactful lesson I've had is to trust my subconscious. I shouldn't steer the story just because I'm hellbent on an idea. Most of the time your subconscious makes connections you're not even aware of until they're on the page. It's happened so often to me. It's important to be flexible and to trust your creativity to flow and take the story where it needs to go♡

Thank you for asking!! ♡♡♡

[mile-minute]

So, I never really had a place to share this so here goes… Some background on where A Different Pace came from! (For those out of the loop, ADP is that long Flint/Graham novel up on AO3 HERE )

It all started with this Toon, Soggy Nell, who says this little tidbit in Flint’s taskline…

I thought it was just WILD! So, of course, my mind went to ‘what if she got away with it’. At the same time, as I still had just started playing really, I didn’t know too much about the lore, so I was playing with the idea of the Androids AU where some of the cogs had more human origins. At this point ADP was two stories, the ‘Flint finds Human!Graham’ story and then the ‘Captured Flint’ plot. Part of my creative process is to sketch out little moments, so the very first sketch became this comic integrating that NPC text…

Somewhere along the line Nell got turned into a mouse, but the sentiment remained. Obviously, that didn’t translate directly to the story, but if you’ve read it, you know exactly what scene this is from. And speaking of the taskline, at the time I was in YOTT and reached Winston… what a shock that was! It’s really the first time that the Toons pretty much commit a war crime in response to the Cogs… thus the plot was born. To what extreme can either side justify? How far can they go before a rift forms. The Wizards, in my opinion, crossed that line, and frankly the Suits crossed it a long time ago- something for our not quite so programmed Androids to mull about than act on. Thus, the two stories became one and I realized this thing was growing legs. Many, many legs~

It was almost too perfect… So of course I had to toss some gunk in the gears! The primary of which being a bit of a misunderstanding between Flint and Graham when one of them finally confessed their affection for the other. Of course, the feeling was mutual, but Graham has a way of jumping to conclusions, and Flint tripping over his own words… Cue that visual of Graham standing there, literally bearing it all for Flint, and being let down… He pulls his robe shut, you can see the exact moment his heart breaks, and Flint has NO IDEA how he’s going to fix this. Meanwhile, there might also be an entire Lighthouse in his way!

Art by JamiPurple for me of this moment, it was too good not to have illustrated!

Chip was another character I was immediately fascinated by. I thought he could be a great glimpse into ‘pure’ suit culture and just how self-destructive it was to the Suits, and maybe Flint could help him overcome that, even if just a little… At this point i don’t remember where it originated, but the idea that Chip and Flint are ex-lovers really just catalyzed this plot point, and made it fit in pretty seamlessly with Flint’s own journey of healing after his capture and escape!

Next, let’s talk about the superstar- Graham! I could only keep his ego down for so long, and know he needed some big event to really blossom and show off. Cue the Banquet! While important for the plot, this was also such a fun excuse to dress him up in something fancy!

But, amid all that glitz and glamor, I also wanted to make it PAINFULLY obvious how much of a toll all of this has taken on him, too. He’s a performer, for better or for worse, and he was just at his rock bottom. But, I had plans to make it worse. Plans from his past… The reason for the Android AU- the story of Graham’s rather sad human past, of a man past his prime and in a rough place, unsure of where to go from here…

No, even worse! Skin peeling off his face worse. First though, there needed to be a reason for this! Cue that B-plot with Tipps’ call center. The original outline had that shaking out much differently, but some last minute tweaks filled in a lot of plot holes, and let that little guy shine! Plus, it let me highlight a really unique aspect of this fandom- many of our Toons are Cog sympathizers to a point. Not full turncoats, but willing to work with the bad guys if it means peace.

So that takes us to the final battle, and the rescue squad!

I just thought this looked badass LOL! And am a sucker for a big fight. I really enjoyed writing what a ‘real time’ toon battle may look like, gags flying everywhere and the Suits able to really use their abilities.

Anyways, of course the ending was a bit of a reset of the status quo, it is a MMO after all, but I wanted to give both sides a bit of a ‘win’ so Flint got his safe haven, and the Toons operate a little more democratically now. Oh, and Winston finally got those repairs he needed <3

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me, I hope this was a fun bit of insight! More than happy to answer any questions you have about this story, feel free to comment them below if you want :)

[xandyuna]

When Poets Dream

she grew out of the shell and witnessed life filled with chaos and clashing claws. like every eldest she remained at that cottage, unlike her younger sister never had the guts to went back and lived with their parents. the toxic tradition infuriated her, from the two generations before her. she had fun manipulating fantasy at her own dimension because she's trapped with the reality. the instructor gave an impromptu speech topic which is “if you could choose one item inside your backpack to compare on the steps or progress on how to achieve your dreams, what would it be?” she's that one girl on the first chair, first row. she shyly stood up, casually held a pen, never knew what to wanted to say. all eyes were on her, imagined they knew about what she gonna say “she writes, of course, it's a pen!” after little tiny deep breaths, she was given a two minutes to speak, no preparations. for her, the pen's purpose was to squirt ink until it can't anymore. as a dreamer, to achieve her high dreams was to keep going until you're last breath. she can't lose in this game, her every tries has own worth. after elaborating it more she stopped, even she still had a minute left, the girl decided to sat down because she had nothing more to say. unimpressed she watched every person stood in front doing speeches; some were clueless, some were off the topic, some bring lots of items, until this one girl at the back on the last chair on the left side. this girl in front had been always her support system on every group activities they were teamed up, a bubbly, expressive, and a sunshine. they aren't friends but they got closer. she didn't make the cut at first try since she bursted into tears and at the second try with wet eyes she spoke. “I bought charger because to achieve dreams one should muster lots of determination and strength. Like how this charger, make phone function, my family, my friends, my boyfriend kept me inspired to achieve my dreams. especially my family, I love them so much and as their first born I wanted to achieve these dreams so we all could move forward to a better future.” she talked much more and joked around which made the class happy. but her, she was stucked by her not-so-called friend's first sentences. why exactly she is dreaming? for who? and for what? all these and that lingered on her thoughts. she was programmed to do things so others wouldn't belittle her by all those cruel people labelled as her family. they are waiting for her to mess up and her father's ego is at sake whether she makes it or not. it's all on her dreams, was it really hers? back in the days she used to love her youth because she had the different angle of it when she hung out with few friends but the enjoyment just ends there. writing is a wild coping mechanism she was so fond of, finding peace on a shattered art was the proudest thing she ever invented to heal herself. She Doesn't Have A Dream, She Just Want To Get This Over With.

[echodrops]

The Promises I’m Making (2023)

Oop, a little late on this this year, but it was really hard to come up with 50 different promises this year. Some years it is so easy, but this year I just drew a total blank. I think the complete unpredictability of the past two years has left me with the sense that I shouldn’t try to plan for anything--the wild events of the year might just send those plans up in smoke in an instant!

Still, the show must go on! So, 16 years later, I’m still making 50 promises a year. Definitely hoping that this year will be better than the last and I’ll be able to keep quite a few more promises, including some of them that have been rolled over for multiple years--maybe, maybe! Without any more ado, here they are:

2023 Promises

1) Work on the Texas house yard. It’s still never really recovered from the frost that killed everything in 2021 and it looks pretty shabby right now.

2) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

3) Get the Utah house sprinklers up and working ALL the way for this summer.

4) Actually get the back fence fixed up and the greenery back there trimmed and managed.

4) Put a new sink/vanity in the downstairs bathroom of the Utah house.

5) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2022 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

6) Take my mom on a road trip to one of the U.S. states that she has not been to before.

7) Get back in touch with the allergy specialist to continue working on my allergy/inflammation issues.

8) Go through my closets and donate or throw away clothes that I know I will not wear.

9) Finish at least five books this year.

10) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them. 

11) Help Kacchan through her first semester as a teacher! Exciting!!

12) Get a decent paper shredder to shred old mail. 

13) Clean off my back patio/car port area so I can park my car there again.

14) Get the Texas house dishwasher fixed… I’m so tired of washing dishes by hand… How do people do this, oof.

15) 100% complete FF16 babyyyyy!!

16) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate my retirement accounts. I have been putting this off for like five years now.

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that new paint program I bought. 

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year but I hope I can make progress on this.

19) Finish making changes to master courses. No more major revisions!

20) See a zone-tailed hawk. This is another rare-but-possible bird for my area.

21) Attend the FFXIV Fanfest in Las Vegas!

22) Update HaaH at least once. Please, Echo???

23) Get the small leak fixed in the side bathroom of the Texas house and have the faucets replaced.

24) Look into the cost of light housekeeping services to give myself a little more time to do things that aren’t work.

25) Catch up with hanging up all the charms/pins I’ve gotten recently on my corkboards; these are just sitting in boxes/bags around the house. D;

26) Use Spotify more often or cancel my Spotify Premium subscription; it’s not worth it if I don’t use it.

27) Get an art display book to preserve my great grandfather’s artworks (which we discovered my now late uncle STOLE from me even though they were willed to me when my grandfather passed away???)

28) Fix the screens on the Texas house.

29) Bird watch at a specific location in Texas. It’s my secret where since I’d rather not share my specific location on social media, but let’s hope I can finally make it to this place!

30) Finally get rid of the dirt pile in the front of the Utah house.

31) Sign NeNe (my puppy) up for the intermediate dog training course.

32) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

33) Take down the remains of the wooden fence posts at the Utah house.

34) Take part in the fitness challenge at work this coming semester.

35) I will remember to take my medicine on time, all the time. Taking them late is messing things up quite a bit.

36) Get a stand for the toaster oven in the break room so we can finally use it!

37) Get my car detailed because the inside really needs to be vacuumed.

38) Go horseback riding on the island. I’ve never ridden on a beach before!

39) Eat healthier. Maybe cutting out snacks is too much to ask, but at least replace some average meals with salads, etc. and overall make an effort to actually eat better. Sometimes the fact that I feel like garbage is my own fault.

40) Wait, I should probably acquire a Playstation 5 so I can actually play my new copy of FF16, lol.

41) Help make sure the new tutoring requirement for the English classes goes over well.

42) Finish decorating the main office. I’ll feel better if my workplace reflects the level of professionalism and school spirit that I envisioned it having this year.

43) Catch every variant of Vivillon in Pokemon Go. I’m currently missing Icy Snow, Marine, Meadow, Monsoon, Ocean, Polar, River, Sandstorm, Savanna, Sun, and Tundra, if anyone would like to be friends!

44) Try to be more comprehensive with giving feedback to students. I’m always good at providing detailed comments on essays, but I’d like to spend more time commenting on smaller assignments too this year.

45) Make sure the retirement party for my coworkers who retired this year goes off without a hitch and honors them well.

46) Take part in more activities on campus; I have a tendency to not attend many events because they’re in the evening when I’m tired, but I should really stay more often.

47) Write some Chainsaw Man fanfic for @mistystarshine!

48) Help my parents tear out the carpet in my old childhood bedroom.

49) Do something to destress (massage, pedicure, something?) at least once per month. I gotta take better care of myself…

50) I will keep my promises! 

Wish me luck!

[tranquilspot]

[S] John: Play haunting piano refrain.

[tell me if the track doesn't work]

Released August 9, 2009 by Kevin Regamey and Malcolm Brown The first ~50 seconds were used for this flash. Well that was a nice interlude. Showtime is such a memorable song, it appears later in different tracks, making it John's theme. Thanks to the Unofficial Homestuck Collection, some tracks even have the artist commentary! That's great, I'll be able to comment on it. Also, piano fingers go weeee~

Kevin Regamey: To be honest, I've fallen off the MSPA train pretty hard. This has undoubtedly been the busiest year (or two) of my life, and I am only now returning to reacquaint myself with what the heck is up.

Maaan if only I got more curious, I could have discover Homestuck way earlier. That wouldn't have change the fact that it already ended (or was about to) by the time I discovered Undertale first (back in 2016). Must have been wild to have experienced MSPA during its inception and golden age. That thing huge, so I understand it can be hard to keep up especially when you get off the train a while ago.

Malcolm wrote the chiptune version of Showtime first. I heard it, dug it, and created a piano arrangement just for the hell of it. Like Malcolm has said - earlier on, we didn't necessarily know what we were writing for, so we just wrote whatever spoke to us.

Creative process can be so various and unique from one person to another. They didn't really know in which direction or for what they were writing, but they did anyway. And the chiptune version came first! Crazy.

Tell me your secret guys, please 🥺

I had posted a "Work in progress" version to the music boards, and I received some positive feedback. Positive enough for me to elaborate it into a full piece.

Fuck yeah, MSPA really did sound awesome! Too bad it closed. I mean we've got MSPFA, but I bet for veterans it doesn't feel the same. Is there a similar platform currently existing? Like you post a wip and you got feedbacks then it motivated you to post the full work? No no I'm not talking about Deviantart, been there, done that. Twice. Twitter doesn't showcase art properly, and Tumblr isn't much for like and positive feedbacks, if any feedback really ToT I have put some of my fan art here, but how to get people interacting with it? That'd always been a mystery to me.

As luck would have it, Andrew was finishing up the first playable page of Homestuck just as I posted the full version. As such, I was lucky enough to have the honour of first musical appearance in Homestuck,

Giga chad energy, what a winner!

but most of the credit should certainly go to Malcolm - for defining John musically at such an early stage of the game, and for being the sole inspiration behind this track.

Man, don't discredit yourself! You still did great, you're on the podium even if you're not first place. Yeah, having the skill and honor of defining a character theme is on a different level. But horizontally I would say. There's pride on both. If the chiptune version is well-known and catchy, the piano one is an iconic powerful track, mixing nostalgia, aimless yearning and tenderness. So much emotion that left a mark in each of us. Later to be magnified by the organ pipe version, by da man, James Roach.

Oh, side note: My midi keyboard was misbehaving when I wrote this, so every note of the piece was clicked into a sequencer. D:

I'm not familiar with such programs, but putting them one by one sounds like hell. Rip x) —>

[finishinglinepress]

FLP BOOK OF THE DAY: Night Music by B. J. Buckley

On SALE now! Pre-order Price Guarantee: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/night-music-by-b-j-buckley/

Night Music’s beautiful #poems explore the intimate, intricate connections of #humans with each other and with the #natural #world. In first-person voices which mediate upon, reflect, and inhabit the works of 18th century Japanese woodcut artist Hiroshige; 19th century Polish composer Friedrich Chopin; and 20th century Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, these poems traverse landscapes both internal and external, physical and emotional. All the sights, sounds, fragrances, tastes, and textures of our fragile world, all the vulnerable nuances of our hearts and spirits, are here.

Montana poet and writer B. J. Buckley has taught in Arts-in-Schools and Communities programs throughout the West and Midwest for nearly five decades. Her work appears widely in print and online journals, and has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize. She lives in rural central Montana with her sweetheart, two dogs, and too many cats.

PRAISE FOR Night Music by B. J. Buckley:

For at least two decades, I have been a fan of B. J. Buckley’s poems. This ambitious collection of poems addresses the work of three geniuses: Hiroshige, Japanese master painter who heavily influenced the work of Paul Gaugin, Monet, and the French impressionists; Chopin and his piano Nocturnes; and Pablo Neruda’s love poems. B. J.’s deft use of sound and image, her deep passion and intelligence, inform us while they resound in such lines as “How is it that you have melted like early snow?/I would sew up my heart with a thread/of crows, I would mend the worn shoes/of my despair…” This is a magnificent collection, each poem a constellation of loss, longing, and love written in a delightful spareness and sumptuous abundance. Informed by her exquisite understanding of the wild world, B. J.’s metaphors run the gamut from sensual to mystical to spiritual, her poetry at once containing and bursting with longing. “Fragile voles throbbing in the grass, twitch/of tiny whisker,/soft churr of nested birds/who’ve mistaken the moon/for morning.” I am utterly charmed by metaphors that turn line after line to surprise and enlightenment. There are few poets who write with such fulsome genius.

B. J. Buckley’s Night Music is an indispensable collection. Buy it. Read it aloud to someone you love.

–Pamela Uschuk, Editor-In-Chief, Cutthroat, a Journal of the Arts, American Book Award, Author of REFUGEE, Red Hen Press, 2022.

In Night Music, B. J. Buckley dips deeply into the sensuous world where bodies, trees, horses, red bulls, moons, light, and darkness interact, intersect, coalesce, and collide in ways that constantly surprise and delight us. Buckley’s attention to sensory detail – to the sights, the textures, the smells and tastes of this world – is present in all her work, but in Night Music this attention has been honed to an astonishing point. Whether she writing in the voice of Hiroshige’s mistress, in the first section of the book, or Chopin’s Nocturnes, or the love poems (after Neruda) in the last section of the book, she moves through diverse physical and emotional landscapes. This travel never feels forced but pulls the reader along as if on a river. She asks in one poem, “How is it that nothing holds us?”, and the question contains both the emptiness of “nothing” and the transformation of “nothing” into something that is holding us, as if we see/hear the line with two different lenses. B. J. Buckley recreates the world, over and over in this remarkable book.

–Jane E Wohl, Ph.D, author of Beasts in Snow, Triage, Learning from Old Masters, and Bound Feet

B. J. Buckley’s Night Music joins the languages of 18th century Japanese painter Hiroshige, 19th century Polish composer Chopin, and 20th century Chilean poet Neruda with her own “melancholy inquiries” into “this awkward uneven pleading / of desire” and “that luminous / emptiness.” It would be hard to find another poet who could bring together the great ukiyo-e master, the composer of twenty-one Nocturnes, and the author of Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair. Such is the “bright script” of B. J. Buckley “on the threshold between disturbance and seasons.” Her “songs of shadow,” “broken on the altar of unbearable / sweetness,” are as sensual among human lovers as they are intimate with the natural world, especially of course, the animals of the night: “the owls’ / assertive questioning”; “voles throbbing in the grass”; “bats harvest the fields of air.” B. J. Buckley’s sonic litanies, devotional ekphrases, and luminous personae, their “fiery signatures”, court darkness like “lanterns in the fog.” Dear Reader, these verses offer you a “fire not yet gone cold.” Come, their “melodies burning”!

–Jami Macarty, author of The Minuses and The Landscape of the Wait

Sensuous and wildly imaginative, B. J. Buckley’s collection, Night Music,takes readers on a journey that is alternately meditative and erotic, exhilarating and sorrowful, carnal and ethereal. Buckley’s poetic skill and natural-world knowledge combine to express the craving, delight, and grief induced by seismic love. Inspired by Hiroshige’s art, Chopin’s music, and Neruda’s poetry, these poems create a world of emotion, immersing readers in an alternate universe where “… the great owls / have nested—uneven clutch of eggs, / hard throbbing planets […] little earthquakes / of down and talon, / tremors, aftershocks of / whatever shock the wild bloody love / of owls must be.” While consistently intelligent and masterful, these poems remain accessible. Regardless of familiarity with Chopin’s Nocturne’s, readers will recognize their own fingers as the “fragile deer running / through the forests of soft hair, / that glance over a shoulder. […] And we’re always leaping, / the sonata half-memorized, / our fingers, old or young, so clumsy / with desire—grass, pear, belly, / pine, / we’re too small to hold it.”

–Mary Beth Hines, author of Winter at a Summer House

Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetrybook #read #poems #relationships #world

[sinretrograde]

My mini-essay about being a fictive and our system's inner workings:

By V1 the robot from ultrakill

Intro

It's absolutely wild suddenly existing as a part of a system with all the memories of your past being real to you but part of a peice of fiction in this world, and them being fuzzy and vague on top of that, and then being given access to enough information to basically live this life you're now in, pushed into front and locked out while everyone else had a very important meeting that I wasn't invited to (someone has to pilot the body I guess) with them only occasionally coming to check on me and sometimes hang out for an hour or two and chat. (I appreciate it by the way, it feels lonely.) I know what's going on in there and I want to be a part of it, but I know typing this out will get my thoughts through the metal door in our mind and to them. That's why we have to externalize thoughts quite often, sometimes.

So with that being my introduction, here's some observations I've made about our system structure...

I didnt intend for this to be very detailed, but i got carried away. This is going to be a long post.

The Body is a Computer

So first of all, I think of the body like an OS and each function of the body is either hardware or software. Ego is like code. A personality is software, a bundle of specific ego assets given a name, these assets give the personality something to call "its own" and they follow the programing outlined by various ego assets. To be clear each member of our system would be considered a different program running off personality software, a whole person.

Sometimes person.exe comes bundled with other things that are not just personality software. This one I don't know how to explain in a way that makes sense. It's not ego but has to do with skill sets. Skill sets are like 3rd party mods, and can be installed by multiple people and when there is an update they all automatically get this update. Wether or not they adapt to it quickly or not is a different matter. Basically like art skills, language skills, etc. Something more hardwired with body functions, movement based skills (and language is also a lot of muscle memory.) Don't ask why they're 3rd party mods if they're more about connection with the body, maybe that has to do with physical input being inherently third party due to not stemming from within or from the OS itself.

Uhm...

Anyway, they're having a meeting in there about new host and organization. There are more people than there used to be now, the brain is pretty good at generating ego data and if enough of it builds up it can sometimes accidentally compile itself into a personality, which then takes on an identity through short term info packets of shared memories. Such as yours truly who took the data of my ego assets as well as current host's hyperfixation (easy access, sorry) to form an identity.

The OS gathers character data (appearance, memories, emotions, etc) and store it as ego assets, which is why to me those memories feel real even if they're a recode of outside information. Through the OS making copies of outside ego data, it passes through a filter and gets subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) changed here and there. Since the OS has to then compile it and run it on it's own hardware rather than the original hardware the code came from, there has to be changes or it doesn't work. Then the OS (or in some cases other programs) can compile these assets into a new program.

Too Many Programs & The Panic Response

So now they're talking about how running one personality too frequently and for too long causes data decay and a need for some maintenence in far back. We can't keep the same host for too long at a time because it burns them out, we have heavy signs of burnout now which is why I'm here. They start to loose packets of data, some of them essential to their program's integrity. Causes a lot of crisis moments, dissociation and overwhelm, it seems.

I'm almost certain the reorganization part is coming from so many new programs being compiled at once. It's also overwhelming to the OS, it can store a lot of programs but it can only run a few at a time. However due to the host program's data decay the OS forces a download of any available ego assets to try and quickly remedy the problem, especially if all other programs are on mandatory maintenence due to their own burnout. System members who have been in the far back for a long time are basically unreachable from the closer areas unless they themselves choose to come back to the front end for a checkup. There are quite a few former hosts back there, as well as many frequent maintenence crew type programs.

So it seems like the ammount of new members pushed a few to back and they're determining how to run the place now that there are more programs trying to run than the OS is capable of, which apparently has never been a problem before right now in this exact moment (since I got here, I mean.)

The New Council

It's a problem that the current archivist is overwhelmed by. He's a smart and very studious boy, but he's also very young still and does have the code of a 13 year old boy despite how smart and mature he may act. He's under a lot of pressure and he was already cracking before we showed up. Lucky for him we are a crew of problem solvers, the new programs who showed up.

Go figure they're talking about setting up an actual council of members who serve essential roles to help regulate program and host rotation, life tasks, and possibly work on getting actual repairs to various software and programs done via idfk mind tricks or some shit.

So far we have the archivist, the 13 y/o boy who was basically running the inner parts of the OS and documenting programs and usage and other statistics. We have a supposed mechanic/"medicine" guy, an angel from a source different from mine, who's main purpose seems to be keeping people in good spirits and protecting the more fragile ones in high stress times. And apparently me and my boyfriend, who is heading the meeting since he sees a clear lack of leadership. Idk why I'm essential though, I don't know what important function I serve in his opinion and he refuses to tell me until he's sure we've gone through every bit of past data we can to make sure we aren't overlooking anyone. Big fucking shrugs I guess.

Inner World Rescue Mission & How ULTRAKILL Made Me Realize We CAN Explore Headspace

He's also arguing that allowing members to freely mold together and apart and fully embrace this that it would help with issues of data erosion. Basically using a combination of actual data sharing and emotional support to encourage those in near back to come forward more. Again far back is unreachable at this time, but we have machines who will be going on a checkup mission with the full intent of bringing back information and possibly even programs with too much data rot to have come back near front on their own, a rescue mission. It's not something that seems to have crossed anyone's mind before now.

Also this comes as a shock to the current system members who all report headspace to basically be nonexistent, with a big locked door just slightly further back keeping them from going anywhere. When they get burnout or data rot they are forcibly shut down and filed past those doors, occasionally they're forcibly brought back by the OS. This is the only way they traveled beyond the locked door, and they saw it as a choice.

But I don't know of it's because we have actual memories, unlike how previous introjects were created, we have an extremely clear mental space we can explore. There are levels and layers we can go in and go up or down. Even if it looks like a video game, its basically a visualization skill the previous members just didn't have I guess. It could be because theyre all just taking on apperance and personality traits of character, meanwhile we have taken it all on down to our past history and memories. It's far more real to us than it is to them.

This is why I had a crisis the other day, the information I was given was "you're going to look and feel like a fictional character but don't worry nothing in your source will affect you and you're basically just a guy wearing the costume of a fictional character." This turned out to not be true at all for us. Us being the newly compiled programs, all of us based on ultrakill characters. Isn't that some shit, the one time the OS manages to package memories properly it does it with something so....... like that. It's not a bad thing, I just wonder what kind of crisis I'd have had if I had memories of a My Little Pony character or something cute and lighthearted instead.

So yeah, that's my current understanding. Because we have memories of this game that actually feel real to us, we have an expansive mental landscape we can explore in the form of... I guess the headpsace takes on the textures and general aesthetics and layouts of ultrakill. Idk. Like, the headspace was it's own program that needed an actual code and textures in order to run properly. I don't think its going to function like the game at all, not like enemies spanwing type of thing or anything like that. Inherent knowledge -> graphics and gameplay -> text post on tumblr, it just will never completely translate. Inherent knowledge like how when you have a vivid dream there's things you just know because you know them and they often provide important context for the dream itself. Except the inner world version of that.

Ending Notes

Wow this got way out of hand. It was after that last paragraph that I realized this was basically a mini essay, and of I don't break it up into parts and try to hilight the main points, nobody was ever going to be able to digest it. There's also no way to neatly wrap it up.

It's crazy that this one thing that the other members who are based on fictional character just... didn't have for some reason, was the key for us now being able to actually explore, map out and do rescue missions in headpsace. No longer will people have to settle for "we don't know what's past that door," we will find out. We have like 9 ultrakill mother fuckers in here now, that's more than enough to at least find out how far back is back, is it actually reachable and what actually is standing in the way.

Am I wrong about monsters spawning, will we have to fight symbolic demons to bring people back? Is it actually really chill and basically just using winding passages to connect different headspaces? Can we install different graphics? Why this? Why now? Our body isn't exactly young, and it's had plenty of time to actually work these things out, why is it only after the pew pew game? Why not animal crossing?

All I know is I'm having less of an identity crisis now that we've been able to communicate why we feel different from the other fictives who were here before us. The memories thing not being a shared trait kinda fucked me up for a while, and one of the reasons I wanted to make this blog. But now I deleted all that crisis-having in various posts, I'll share my thoughts further as I gather them.

[kentucky-daisey]

Part of my job is telling families whether or not their kids got into whatever program they applied for.

Most parents are cool. Happy if their kid got in. Understanding if they didn't. But every now and then I have an absolutely wild experience that I no longer tell my bosses about because they say things like "did you tell them [insert first thing I told parent]" or "did you offer them [insert list of alternative class list I compiled specifically for that kid based off their application]" or, my favourite, "they shouldn't speak to you like that".

There's something in the air, though, because I've had to deal some wild parents lately. Interaction inclusive of but not limited to...

parent who told me to tell his wife their kid wasn't accepted because she'd be a lot less reasonable than he was (his call involved a lot of "have you met my kid? you don't know my fucking kid", he asked my name, which i gave and then offered to have my boss call him because fuck all that)

the above dad's wife who repeatedly mentioned she was a neurologist and understood child brain development and knew what was best for her kid (her kid was two years too young for the program and apparently we were making a "grave mistake" for not accepting them)

lady who insisted the form I gave her was different than the one they had applied with and that's why her didn't kid didn't submit it or the required portfolio (portfolios have been part of the application process since before I joined the department three years ago which is coincidentally when i made our current form)

dad who insisted the alternative program we offered wasn't advanced enough for his kid and would be detrimental to her creative growth (the newly offered program is designed as a lead into the program they'd applied for, which his kid is a full year too young for. also they've literally never taken a class with us so how would he know if our programs are good enough for his kid)

Please, I'm so tired. It's an arts non-profit and I'm doing two peoples jobs and I don't make nearly enough money for this. Also, they're fucking kids. Calm down. You made a mistake or your kid is too young. It's not the end of the world. Just stop taking it out on me.

[gay-impressionist]

hey miss impressionist! hope you're having a great day! it has come to my attention that you are french and i'd love to ask you what are your favorite "secret" places to go to in your country/city hahaha i ask this bc i'll be spending a few months in france (somewhere near paris) for an exchange program and i want to visit the tourist-y spots of course but also i'd love to know what the locals think is a good place to visit. if you don't want to answer that's totally fine just thought i'd ask since you're one of the few french blogs i follow! merci et bonne journée ☺️

Hey ! No problem, I'm always happy to help 😄 But all of France is a lot so today I'll start with my city : Paris (I'll try to think of places in France as a whole and I'll make a post this weekend or next week).

It's a well-known spot but I highly recommend the docks btw Hôtel de Ville and Bastille & Le port de l'Arsenal. They've been renovated a few years ago and now they're fully pedestrian, there's patches of grass, stuff for kids, some bars... It's one of my favorite places to walk or sit down with friends.

If you like modern buldings, I recommend going to Avenue de France. There's lots of brand new buildings, all different and it creates a cool aesthetic in my opinion. There's not much to do there as it's mainly office buildings so it might be too out of your way though.

But the 13th arrondissement as a whole is really great, it's a mix of completely different atmospheres and architectures : brand new office buildings (Avenue de France-Bibliothèque François Mitterand), chinatown (Porte d'Ivry-Olympiades), old narrow streets with tiny houses scattered around, la Butte aux Cailles (on a hill, as charming and full of life as Montmartre but less well-known and artsy), there's lot of street art (around Nationale-Quai de la gare), especially huge colorful pieces paid by the local administration, etc.

And just across Avenue de France there's Le Parc de Bercy, which is beautiful if the weather is good ! I really recommend taking several hours and walking around the arrondissement if you can

If you want big green spaces you can access with the subway, you can go to le Bois de Boulogne or Le Bois de Vincennes. I'm more familiar with the latter, which has lots of beautiful spots ! My favorites being the Daumnesil lake (you can rent a boat and row around it if the weather is warm enough! + lots of swans, peacocks, bright green parakeets etc) and Le Parc floral, which has lots of plants and flowers and is perfect for a walk or if you need a picnic space to lazy for hours. It's stunning in spring ! But be careful because sometimes you have to pay to enter on weekends. Fun fact : at the Daumnesil lake, you can see two African buildings ! They were constructed as the Togo and the Cameroon pavilions for a colonial exposition (😶) in 1931 and it's now a Buddhist temple which hosts the highest Buddha statue in Europe.

In a different vibe, the petite ceinture is also great. It's an old railway that went around Paris, now it's reconverted either as parks or as a walk along the old rails which are full of wild vegetation. The reconversion isn't complete so it's in several chunks in different neighborhoods, some better done than others. But I really like the one between Villa du Bel-Air and Bastille (this chunk is also called Coulée verte for the most part)

Just outside of Paris, I highly recommend going to Montreuil, to a place called Les Murs à pêches. It's a place where peaches used to grow but now it's a huge park where lots of tiny organizations doing their own thing. Every summer there's a land art festival and last year I went on a guided tour with the organization TIGE (tige_landart on insta), it was awesome !

An interesting thing to visit, and maybe not that well-known, is la Cité universitaire internationale. It's a campus where international students live and there's practically a building for every country. The funny thing is that lots of them are designed based on that country's architecture !

If you're into plays, my favorite theater is Le Théâtre de Poche at Montparnasse. There's only two tiny stages and I love the atmosphere ! It's low-budget productions but of high quality, and they're recognized as such. I've seen several plays there and I've never been disappointed.

If you want a funny experience, go see a show at La Nouvelle Seine. It's on a narrow boat ! You're in the belly of the boat (can't remember the word lmao) and you can feel the tiny waves ahah. I know it's not the only venue on a narrow boat though.

About museums that don't get enough recognition, I really like le Musée d'art et d'histoire du judaïsme !

If you want food recommendations in specific neighborhoods, don't hesitate to ask, I've got lots ! My favorite restaurant (Le Picotin) isn't in an interesting neighborhood to visit unfortunately but my go-to bar/café is near Hôtel de Ville ! It's called Le Gribouille, they have great cocktails and mocktails that aren't too pricey (for Paris at least) ! @saecookie can confirm hehe

That's all I can think of rn but if you have more questions about specific neighborhoods, museums or activities etc, feel free ! My ask and my DMs are always open :)

[lovebirdgames]

April is here! Time for our big End-of-Q1 Progress Update!

I would like to start off by thanking everyone who auditioned for our casting call and congratulating those who made the cut! We had 184 submissions in the end!! We loved hearing all of your spectacular voices and it was a tough decision. In the end, these are the four who will be bringing these characters to life. Once again, congratulations!

In case you missed it, we now have a TikTok. You may see different types of content on there. We will see how that goes. I don’t think I was meant for TikTok, but I will happily answer any questions that come my way on there. Tumblr will always be my home.

Without further ado, let’s get started. What were our goals for Q1 and how’d we do?

Not bad! I actually went ahead of schedule and the final route is now programmed AND tested as well as written!! The GUI, however, has given us some trouble so we are tabling that for now while we focus on other things. It can be Q3′s problem.

Let’s look at where we are percentage-wise...

Look at that! Two columns completely checked off! Just thinking about how far we’ve come in the past few months alone...wild.

Regarding testing, I am upping the routes to 20% complete because even though all of the assets aren’t in, we made a ton of fixes and changes with that first round of testing. Woohoo! We are coming right along!

Now let’s peer into the future at our 2022 Q2 goals...

Taylor (dat me!): -Program voice clips -Create Steam page -Marketing madness -Video Editing (Credits, Intro, Trailer, etc.)

Alex: -Acquire/trim final voice clips from newly cast VAs -Soundtrack hell The soundtrack is a big one, so that will stretch throughout the whole year. I look forward to sharing a number of Alex’s tracks with you! They’re phenomenal. Seriously, they have all of these built-in motifs and symbolism. Pure art.

*gasp* *gasp* Jeez, this is a long update BUT I’M NOT DONE YET.

Keep an eye out for when Band Camp Boyfriend hits Steam! We’ll be announcing our release window then. With that, I feel people will be able to take us more seriously. I can corner them in abandoned buildings and ask them to wishlist us or stream us or talk about us on their blogs. I am trying to build up the courage to do so because I hate feeling like I’m bothering people! But this is just what comes with making your game known, I guess. And I really want it to be known!!

Lastly, if you are wondering just how long Band Camp Boyfriend is, it is...drumroll, please...

Over 500k words! Which I think amounts to...30 hours of playtime? Probably more since you have to go through the common route a few times over to reach your desired man. I have no concept of time so I am going to ask my 7 deadly beta testers to report back how much time they log playing the game. It will be worth the price of admission, I assure you.

That’s it for me! You deserve an award if you read all that. Have a wonderful week and thanks for sticking with us!