#genuinely hope this doesnt end up in any tags

[sinretrograde]

My mini-essay about being a fictive and our system's inner workings:

By V1 the robot from ultrakill

Intro

It's absolutely wild suddenly existing as a part of a system with all the memories of your past being real to you but part of a peice of fiction in this world, and them being fuzzy and vague on top of that, and then being given access to enough information to basically live this life you're now in, pushed into front and locked out while everyone else had a very important meeting that I wasn't invited to (someone has to pilot the body I guess) with them only occasionally coming to check on me and sometimes hang out for an hour or two and chat. (I appreciate it by the way, it feels lonely.) I know what's going on in there and I want to be a part of it, but I know typing this out will get my thoughts through the metal door in our mind and to them. That's why we have to externalize thoughts quite often, sometimes.

So with that being my introduction, here's some observations I've made about our system structure...

I didnt intend for this to be very detailed, but i got carried away. This is going to be a long post.

The Body is a Computer

So first of all, I think of the body like an OS and each function of the body is either hardware or software. Ego is like code. A personality is software, a bundle of specific ego assets given a name, these assets give the personality something to call "its own" and they follow the programing outlined by various ego assets. To be clear each member of our system would be considered a different program running off personality software, a whole person.

Sometimes person.exe comes bundled with other things that are not just personality software. This one I don't know how to explain in a way that makes sense. It's not ego but has to do with skill sets. Skill sets are like 3rd party mods, and can be installed by multiple people and when there is an update they all automatically get this update. Wether or not they adapt to it quickly or not is a different matter. Basically like art skills, language skills, etc. Something more hardwired with body functions, movement based skills (and language is also a lot of muscle memory.) Don't ask why they're 3rd party mods if they're more about connection with the body, maybe that has to do with physical input being inherently third party due to not stemming from within or from the OS itself.

Uhm...

Anyway, they're having a meeting in there about new host and organization. There are more people than there used to be now, the brain is pretty good at generating ego data and if enough of it builds up it can sometimes accidentally compile itself into a personality, which then takes on an identity through short term info packets of shared memories. Such as yours truly who took the data of my ego assets as well as current host's hyperfixation (easy access, sorry) to form an identity.

The OS gathers character data (appearance, memories, emotions, etc) and store it as ego assets, which is why to me those memories feel real even if they're a recode of outside information. Through the OS making copies of outside ego data, it passes through a filter and gets subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) changed here and there. Since the OS has to then compile it and run it on it's own hardware rather than the original hardware the code came from, there has to be changes or it doesn't work. Then the OS (or in some cases other programs) can compile these assets into a new program.

Too Many Programs & The Panic Response

So now they're talking about how running one personality too frequently and for too long causes data decay and a need for some maintenence in far back. We can't keep the same host for too long at a time because it burns them out, we have heavy signs of burnout now which is why I'm here. They start to loose packets of data, some of them essential to their program's integrity. Causes a lot of crisis moments, dissociation and overwhelm, it seems.

I'm almost certain the reorganization part is coming from so many new programs being compiled at once. It's also overwhelming to the OS, it can store a lot of programs but it can only run a few at a time. However due to the host program's data decay the OS forces a download of any available ego assets to try and quickly remedy the problem, especially if all other programs are on mandatory maintenence due to their own burnout. System members who have been in the far back for a long time are basically unreachable from the closer areas unless they themselves choose to come back to the front end for a checkup. There are quite a few former hosts back there, as well as many frequent maintenence crew type programs.

So it seems like the ammount of new members pushed a few to back and they're determining how to run the place now that there are more programs trying to run than the OS is capable of, which apparently has never been a problem before right now in this exact moment (since I got here, I mean.)

The New Council

It's a problem that the current archivist is overwhelmed by. He's a smart and very studious boy, but he's also very young still and does have the code of a 13 year old boy despite how smart and mature he may act. He's under a lot of pressure and he was already cracking before we showed up. Lucky for him we are a crew of problem solvers, the new programs who showed up.

Go figure they're talking about setting up an actual council of members who serve essential roles to help regulate program and host rotation, life tasks, and possibly work on getting actual repairs to various software and programs done via idfk mind tricks or some shit.

So far we have the archivist, the 13 y/o boy who was basically running the inner parts of the OS and documenting programs and usage and other statistics. We have a supposed mechanic/"medicine" guy, an angel from a source different from mine, who's main purpose seems to be keeping people in good spirits and protecting the more fragile ones in high stress times. And apparently me and my boyfriend, who is heading the meeting since he sees a clear lack of leadership. Idk why I'm essential though, I don't know what important function I serve in his opinion and he refuses to tell me until he's sure we've gone through every bit of past data we can to make sure we aren't overlooking anyone. Big fucking shrugs I guess.

Inner World Rescue Mission & How ULTRAKILL Made Me Realize We CAN Explore Headspace

He's also arguing that allowing members to freely mold together and apart and fully embrace this that it would help with issues of data erosion. Basically using a combination of actual data sharing and emotional support to encourage those in near back to come forward more. Again far back is unreachable at this time, but we have machines who will be going on a checkup mission with the full intent of bringing back information and possibly even programs with too much data rot to have come back near front on their own, a rescue mission. It's not something that seems to have crossed anyone's mind before now.

Also this comes as a shock to the current system members who all report headspace to basically be nonexistent, with a big locked door just slightly further back keeping them from going anywhere. When they get burnout or data rot they are forcibly shut down and filed past those doors, occasionally they're forcibly brought back by the OS. This is the only way they traveled beyond the locked door, and they saw it as a choice.

But I don't know of it's because we have actual memories, unlike how previous introjects were created, we have an extremely clear mental space we can explore. There are levels and layers we can go in and go up or down. Even if it looks like a video game, its basically a visualization skill the previous members just didn't have I guess. It could be because theyre all just taking on apperance and personality traits of character, meanwhile we have taken it all on down to our past history and memories. It's far more real to us than it is to them.

This is why I had a crisis the other day, the information I was given was "you're going to look and feel like a fictional character but don't worry nothing in your source will affect you and you're basically just a guy wearing the costume of a fictional character." This turned out to not be true at all for us. Us being the newly compiled programs, all of us based on ultrakill characters. Isn't that some shit, the one time the OS manages to package memories properly it does it with something so....... like that. It's not a bad thing, I just wonder what kind of crisis I'd have had if I had memories of a My Little Pony character or something cute and lighthearted instead.

So yeah, that's my current understanding. Because we have memories of this game that actually feel real to us, we have an expansive mental landscape we can explore in the form of... I guess the headpsace takes on the textures and general aesthetics and layouts of ultrakill. Idk. Like, the headspace was it's own program that needed an actual code and textures in order to run properly. I don't think its going to function like the game at all, not like enemies spanwing type of thing or anything like that. Inherent knowledge -> graphics and gameplay -> text post on tumblr, it just will never completely translate. Inherent knowledge like how when you have a vivid dream there's things you just know because you know them and they often provide important context for the dream itself. Except the inner world version of that.

Ending Notes

Wow this got way out of hand. It was after that last paragraph that I realized this was basically a mini essay, and of I don't break it up into parts and try to hilight the main points, nobody was ever going to be able to digest it. There's also no way to neatly wrap it up.

It's crazy that this one thing that the other members who are based on fictional character just... didn't have for some reason, was the key for us now being able to actually explore, map out and do rescue missions in headpsace. No longer will people have to settle for "we don't know what's past that door," we will find out. We have like 9 ultrakill mother fuckers in here now, that's more than enough to at least find out how far back is back, is it actually reachable and what actually is standing in the way.

Am I wrong about monsters spawning, will we have to fight symbolic demons to bring people back? Is it actually really chill and basically just using winding passages to connect different headspaces? Can we install different graphics? Why this? Why now? Our body isn't exactly young, and it's had plenty of time to actually work these things out, why is it only after the pew pew game? Why not animal crossing?

All I know is I'm having less of an identity crisis now that we've been able to communicate why we feel different from the other fictives who were here before us. The memories thing not being a shared trait kinda fucked me up for a while, and one of the reasons I wanted to make this blog. But now I deleted all that crisis-having in various posts, I'll share my thoughts further as I gather them.

[wren-kitchens]

kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK

[yizhou-time]

(46) ATEEZ FIC RECS

🍓 fluff | 🌀 angst | 💥 nsfw | 🎧 personal favourite

if any links don’t work or the wrong writers have been tagged please let me know!

ATEEZ/MULTIPLE

Want You Back | @whimsicalwritingsandmore 🍓🌀

opposites attract w/ matz | @beenbaanbuun 🍓💥🎧

↳ are you ready to get so hooked on something you’ll read every story connected to it and simply sit there waiting for series updates?

Addams!ATEEZ | @fruithoughts 🍓💥

HONGJOONG

Less Than Three | @kbandtrash 🍓

Runaway | @lilacmingi 🍓🌀

To Make An Album | @bambikisss 🍓💥

Never Alone | @iwannasuckyourmonstercock 🌀

Hopefully | @idyllic-ghost 🍓

↳ my hongjoong roman empire and it’s just made up leave me alone

SEONGHWA

The Way to His Heart | @edenesth 🍓🌀🎧

↳ again not a series reader in the slightest but this one is so well done you never know what’s happening next and then you get grown through a loop in the best way possible

let’s not fall in love, again | @baekhvuns 🍓🌀💥🎧

↳ HOW THE AUTHOR CAME UP WITH THIS IS BEYOND ME BUT I REREAD THIS ALL THE TIME I LOVE IT I CANT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE IT JUST PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ IT

no title | @mymoodwriting 🍓🌀💥

bodyguard | @baekhvuns 🍓🌀💥

↳ this became my personality for a solid month after its release

cat named mars | @hwaightme 🍓

checkmate | @atinystraynstay 🍓🌀

the lamb and the wolf | @seonghwaddict 🍓💥

YUNHO

Guerilla | @sorryimananti-romantic 🍓🌀💥

opposites attract | @tainsan 🍓🌀💥

↳ another one that became my personality for a solid month after release

what builds a home | @cosmicdumpling 🍓💥 (only a little!)

PILLAGED | @lilacmingi 🍓 (a little 🌀)

something to give each other | @sungbeam 🍓🎧

↳ read this at 5:34am and it changed my life i’m not kidding

Promise | @sorryimananti-romantic 🍓💥 (only a little!)

↳ did my life just change? yes! this authors fics always change my life but this was something else!

entombed | @ghstzzn 💥 (and kinda 🍓) 🎧

YEOSANG

no title | @ateezmakemeweep 🍓🌀

RETURN TO ME | @thewonandonly 🌀💥🎧

↳ this is the the best yeosang fic on this app like i can’t explain any of it like this is one i strongly suggest you read (this is a threat, read the goddamn fic) and that fucking ending i’m literally i can’t it takes everything in me to not spoil it every time i recommend it but i’m telling you you have to read this you know that feeling you get when your heart wrenches and you physically feel it? you get that the whole time with this

for the hope of it all | @starrysvn 🌀🎧

↳ not gonna lie thought about killing myself after reading this 😭😭😭 /j

SAN

The Art of Climbing the Corporate Ladder | @ennysbookstore 🍓🌀💥🎧

↳ another one i can’t explain you have to read this for yourself because you think you know and then no you fucking don’t and then you get really mad and then really sad and then you’re like oh no and then y/n saves it and then san says stuff JUST READ IT

Ceilings [PART 2] | @yoongiseesawmp3 🍓🌀💥

↳ FINALLY THIS GODDAMN TROPE DONE RIGHT LIKE GAG EM THANK YOU GUYS THIS IS SUCH A GOOD READ AND IT DOESNT MOVE FAST LIKE THE OTHER FICS THAT DO THIS TROPE PLEASE

seasons out of time | @nonclassyparty 🍓🌀💥🎧🎧🎧

↳ this is the most soul crushing, heart wrenching, bone shattering piece of media you will ever read like i can’t genuinely put into words how much this fic means to me on like a level like i can’t even describe it help it is one of those fics thag you have to read for yourself and you’ll understand because just when your hopes are up theyre down when they’re down they’re up again in some strange way part two is in the works so i’m preparing for my heart to get stamped on by the author and part 1 is like for me genuinely the absolute best fics on this app so I can’t wait

Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches | @hongjoongsart 🍓🌀

↳ you know when you like feel smth in your gut and you don’t know what, this is what this does to you I swear

a broken routine | @vampzity 🍓🍓🍓🍓🎧

MINGI

Goodbye Summer | @shocymer 🌀🌀🌀

↳ i did cry when i finished this

nightmare, daydream | @mingigoo 🍓💥

One New Message | @hwaightme 🌀

Home | @lovepookie 🍓🍓🍓

WOOYOUNG

Home for the Holidays | @highvern 🍓🌀💥

Say You Love Me Too | @crazyformfics 🍓

change of heart | @hotteoki 🍓

place in me | @starrysvn 🍓🌀🎧

↳ this is my wooyoung roman empire and it didn’t even happen irl

If Without You | @sorryimananti-romantic 🍓🌀

JONGHO

so lovely | @deathbyyeekies 🍓🍓🍓🍓 🎧🎧🎧

↳ i kid you not reading this changed my life like genuinely i’m a changed person now

killin me softly | @deathbyyeekies 🍓

glasses w/ jongho | @beenbaanbuun 🍓

zemblanity | @in-san-ity 🍓🌀💥🎧

↳ it’s so nice watching tropes finally being done right like you don’t even understand how badly i needed this

20:15pm | @xuchiya 🍓

the fear still lingers | @03jyh23 🌀🌀🌀🌀🎧🎧🎧

↳ TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO THROW MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE AFTER READING THIS IF YOU’RE WANTING FUCKING INCREDIBLE ANGST READ THIS SHIT AND YOU’LL PHYSICALLY FEEL YOUR HEARTBREAK LIKE MINE DID

[darling-i-read-it]

The Spencer Mansion

STARS Office Part 2 

Part 1 

Albert Wesker x fem!reader, Chris Redfield x fem!reader 

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: canon level violence, Wesker toeing the line of using the reader and being in love with her, Chris thinking the reader is dead, canon level injuries 

Tagging: you all mentioned wanting a part 2, I hope you don't mind that I tagged you! <3 @boywivlove @fanartcollectorwriter @chaotic-fangirl-blog

Author’s Note: A lot of people have suggested I do a part two to stars office and I always meant to but never got around to it! I hope that you guys like this. Id be open to a part three (and hopefully do it quicker this time around lol). Thinking for part three that I could do two endings, one for chris and one for wesker....

I also added this request to the plot : @zedonna , If not that, then maybe a possible scenario where Reader replaces Richard? Instead of Chris finding him and Rebecca, he sees reader with the snake bite (someone he is close to and harbor feelings for) But for extra angst, maybe chris doesnt find the serum in time and comes back only to find Rebecca has abandoned a now deceased Reader. ( Totally not what happened my first playthrough with Richard) Thank you, anything is appreciated!

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

The tension in the helicopter was poignant and undeniable. You wouldn’t be there for long but the emotions hung in the air like dreamcatchers, haunting and sticky. Wesker hadn’t said anything about Bravo Team and no one had asked him. You hadn’t personally heard a thing about Rebecca since she left the day before, or any of them for that matter. The air held onto the fear of the moment, not knowing what you were going into and not knowing if you would come back. It didn’t help that you were sitting across from Chris, who didn't want to make eye contact with you. 

You felt bad. You knew that you had slept with Wesker to get back at him but Albert was right. He hadn’t actually made a move. It wasn’t your duty to control Redfield’s emotions, especially not so close to the field. 

Jill was waiting for the right moment to ask you about it. The day before you had been best friends with Chris but now you were wearing the wrong shirt, clad with the hickies to match the rumors. Wesker hadn’t let up - why would he? What was everyone gonna do, tell the boss? He had an especially confident aura about him this morning. It was attractive. His jaw set and his disinterested eyes made him that much more alluring. 

You tried to avoid eye contact. 

“Bravo Team’s crashed helicopter is just below us. We’re going to land there and fan out in search for them. All contact has been lost and we don’t know what we’re going into,” Wesker announced, standing up and grabbing the railing above his head. “Think on your toes and don’t try to find each other if you get split up. We meet at the mansion if needed.” 

There were a couple curt nods. Chris pretended not to listen as he looked out the window at the helicopter crash. His face was laced with concern. He cared so genuinely about all those people. Your helicopter lowered, slowly. You held your gun tighter as you got up, preparing to exit. You remained in line as you left, landing eventually on the ground below. 

Jill moved forward to investigate. 

“Stay low Vickers,” Wesker said into his comm. His voice was robotic now. You barely recognized the man you had been with last night. You came up behind him, gun held up, a flashlight in your other hand. 

“Yes sir,” Brad responded. The joking manner in his voice left with the sun. It was now tension filled and dark, a low hanging fog creeping in around the eerie crash site. 

“I don’t see anyone,” Barry exclaimed, from a little further in another direction. Wesker opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a growling noise coming from the crash. Everyone who heard turned their guns to face it. A dog emerged from the grass, teeth bared and slobbering. You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowed. How had a dog gotten all the way out into the middle of Raccoon Forest? You barely had time to think of solutions when it snapped, jumping forward. It went at Jill, who was closest. You moved forward to grab her arm and help her up, unable to distinguish the noises around you. 

Dogs were barking. More than one. You could hear people running, commotion happening. No one ever prepares you for the silence of the moment. There’s no background music to justify the violence. It’s just you and your thoughts, or lack thereof. 

The helicopter rose. 

Wesker yelled something, something at Brad in the helicopter. But he was leaving. You turned to try and find Albert but it was too dark. You and Jill ran in the direction of Barry, who you could make out. Chris was behind you in a second and then you had more companions than not. You were glad to be running the same way as them. 

You weren’t sure where you were going, or where this supposed abandoned mansion was. But you followed Jill’s stumbling direction regardless until you reached something that couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. 

Barry and Chris opened the doors as you and Jill shot aimlessly into the dark, hoping to hit a target. You backed into the mansion and the doors shut. The silence was deafening. Heavy breathing and large open air but no longer any dogs. You breathed again. 

“Good, you made it.” You turned around to face Wesker who was standing in the middle of the room. He was breathing slightly heavy but it was nothing compared to the rest of you. 

“You take a shortcut or something?” Chris questioned, bitterly. 

“I told you to follow me after Vickers got spooked.” 

“Got spooked? Those were rabid dogs Wesker!” Jill pointed out. She peeked out one of the windows. Now that you were inside, you could take in your surroundings. You were in a grand hall, doors on either side and two staircases going to the level above you. The light on the chandelier was on. 

“I thought this place was abandoned,” you pointed out. 

“It was,” Wesker muttered. 

“We should probably investigate it then. See who else is here. It might be Bravo Team,” Jill offered. Wesker nodded curtly. 

“Well there’s no going out that way,” he said pointedly, gesturing to the front door. You could still hear the faint scratches of the dogs on the other side. 

“This place is huge. There’s gotta be another way out,” Barry offered. 

“Jill, Barry, you take the left door,” Wesker said. “Chris-” 

“I can go by myself,” Chris noted. He gestured to the right door. “Try to keep your hands off each other.” You knew he was just hurt but it didn’t wound you any less. 

“We really should try to stay together,” you offered. 

“Let him dig his own grave,” Wesker offered sharply. Chris could’ve been swayed before but now he was gone, going up the stairs. You huffed out. 

“We’ll meet back here in five, after looking around,” you said, looking at everyone. Chris waved his hand, Jill and Barry gave a disregarding nod. You opened up the door to the left and was greeted with a small room. There was a statue in the middle. 

“Fucking Vickers,” you muttered. You moved your hair out of your face and looked back at Wesker. “Did you know he was gonna do that?”

“Of course not,” he offered. He tried the door at the end of the room. It was locked. 

“You can shoot it.”

“And waste a bullet on a door?” He gave you a dumb look. His glasses covered his eyes, making it unable to get a read on him. There was a curtain on the other side of the door. You moved it aside. 

You raised your gun. 

“Are we gonna talk about it?” you questioned, turning the corner. 

“What is there to talk about?” He was following you. 

You side eyed him. 

“I told you, I don’t do it often. In the eye of danger, I give into impulses.” You refused to believe that was all it was. The way that he held your face…that couldn’t have been conjured up for looks. 

“Alright,” you grumbled. “And the way you acted towards Chris this morning?” 

“Will you focus?” You rolled your eyes and entered the side room. There was a man passed out on the ground. You rushed forward to him, leaning down, gun still at the ready. Wesker hung behind you. You reached at his neck to check for a pulse, unable to see his face. You got nothing. You looked up at Wesker, about to tell him the unknown man was dead, when the man moved. 

You jumped, scampering back. Wesker raised his gun. The man stood warily, unsteady on his feet. You crawled behind Wesker as he shot without so much as a warning. The noise echoed off the small hallway. Wesker shot the man three times but he still stood, unaffected. His mouth opened, drool coming from his face. He didn’t look…human. He looked like he was dead, like his pulse. 

One more gunshot from Wesker in the face took him out. He fell back down. Your eyes were wide, breath heaving. 

“Be careful. Things don’t like to stay dead around here.” You looked up at him, amazed or annoyed you couldn’t tell. He offered you and a hand and helped you up. 

“What the fuck was that Al?” 

“You know what it was.” You wanted to tell him you sure as hell did not know. You thought about Night of the Living Dead. You thought about Evil Dead. Wesker turned to leave, leaving you amazed in his wake. 

“Albert was that a zombie?” 

He didn’t answer you. You reopened the door to the main room. You were happy to be in a larger space but now every corner was menacing. What was lurking where you couldn't see? Jill and Barry came from the door across the hall. 

“There’s something there! A monster!” Jill exclaimed. You ran to her, out of habit. She was one of your best friends and her distress sent you into protection mode. Suddenly you wanted Chris back. You looked up to the stairs, searching for him. 

“We saw it too,” you said. 

“We have to separate and find a way out of here,” Barry explained. 

“This place is huge!” you argued. 

“Where’s Wesker?” Jill asked. You turned around. He was gone. Where had he gone? He came with you into the main room hadn’t he? You opened up the door again but he wasn’t there. 

“He was just…he was just here!” 

“Chris?!” Barry called up the stairs. You were scared. The fear petrified you in your spot. Where were they? You didn’t want Jill to leave your sight. You wanted to stay planted right next to her. 

“Oh God, what happened to Bravo Team?” Jill asked, breathing out hollowly. 

“You want to split up?” you spat at Barry. 

“Chris could be dead,” Jill muttered.

“We need to cover ground quickly. It just makes the most sense,” Barry promised. “You both of your weapons. You’re trained to deal with abnormal issues.” He stood in front of you and Jill. She was holding your elbow. “You won't be able to find them if you just stand here.” 

He directed it to both of you but it seemed like he was talking to you. 

“Wesker couldn’t have gone far,” you maintained. 

“Then go find him.” Jill looked like she wanted to future protest. She looked up at the stairs. 

“I’ll go for Chris,” she said, voice still wary. 

“We all come back here when we’ve found an exit. It’s the central part of the house.” You didn’t want to know more details. What if no one came back? What if you were stuck waiting for someone who had been a zombies dinner? Where was Chris? Was he okay? 

“Find him,” you told Jill. She nodded. “Stay safe,” you whispered. You didn’t want to leave but you forced yourself to move away. You had to go. You had to go. 

You opened the door again. Wesker must’ve gone back to this room. God knows why he didn’t just wait until you had all made a game plan. You refrained from calling his name, holding your gun tightly in your hands so the blood left them. 

The zombie in the corner was still down. You tried the locked door again. It opened, weak on the hinges. He must’ve broken through it. You took a step through, trying to breath through the nerves. He was around. He had to be. 

-

The mansion was like a maze, filled with puzzles and locked doors. You had a hard enough time finding out where you were, let alone where everyone else was. You were met with zombies and disregarded ammunition. The Bravo team was here. You weren’t sure if they were anymore. 

No sign of Wesker but even less sign of anyone else. You hadn’t seen Jill, Barry or Chris since you split up with them. At the confines of the mansion you felt like the problems of yesterday were far less important. 

That was, until you saw Chris rounding a corner. 

He held his gun up, prepared to shoot an oncoming zombie, but was just met with you. He let out a sigh of relief and it was like there was never any ill will. You rushed to each other, throwing your arms around his shoulders. 

“Chris oh God,” you muttered against his arm. You had never been so happy to see your friend. “I haven’t seen anyone in forever.” In reality it had likely only been an hour but that hour seemed like a lifetime. 

“I thought you were dead,” he exclaimed. “I saw Barry briefly, and Wesker.” 

“Where?” You still were unsure how Wesker had evaded your searching. He had only a couple minutes of a head start. 

“Upstairs somewhere. I lost Barry outside, when some…some of those things…” He shook his head. He grabbed your shoulders. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“I’m glad you’re okay too.” He nodded once. “I found a couple keys laying around. I don’t know what they go to.” He offered you some of the keys he had found. They had symbols on them. You had found one, a Spencer key. You pooled them together. 

“We should see if these lead to a way out. How did you get outside?” 

“Through some wall,” he explained. “I don’t know who made this place but they need to take another architecture class.” You nodded. 

“Listen, I’m sorry about Wesker. I was angry and he made a move and I felt bad.” He shook his head. 

“It isn’t the time.” 

“It could be the only time,” you explained. “I’m sorry Chris.” His face evened out into a genuine gaze. 

“It’s alright. I’m sorry too, for making such a big deal of it.” You nodded once. 

“It’s okay,” you promised. “We’re cool?”

“We’re cool,” he agreed. You tilted your head, gesturing down the hall. “Let’s go kill some zombies, Redfield.” 

-

“Hey, I got this key. There’s a door down the hall I wanna try,” you said. Chris was messing with the piano in one of the rooms. 

“How far down the hall?” 

“Across the main room.” He narrowed his eyes on you. “I’ll be fine.” 

“That’s far. You can’t wait?” 

“I’ll just be a second.” You and Chris hadn’t gotten far on your own. He couldn’t play the piano and you couldn’t read sheet music. You were at odds. You knew Jill could play and she had to be around here somewhere. He swallowed hard. 

“If you’re not back here in five minutes I’m dropping all of my progress.”

“Yes sir.” You saluted him half heartedly and left the room. You rushed down to the other side of the hall, trying at the door you had seen locked earlier. The door opened slowly. You were met with a zombie, who you shot in the face. Only afterwards did you check to see if the zombie had familiar features. This had been people. What if some had been your people? What if one of them was Jill and you didn’t know until it was too late?

You shuddered. 

“Y/N.” Your eyes went wide at the sight of Rebecca. 

“Rookie,” you breathed. “God Chambers, look at you.” She looked dirty and like she had gone through hell. She rushed up to you, glad to see a familiar face. 

“You’re the first friendly face I’ve seen in ages.” 

“Do you know where the rest of your team is?” 

“Most dead,” she admitted, regrettably. “I lost the others. I crossed paths with Richard but then lost him again.” She looked down at the key in your hand. “Can you try this door?” 

The words seemed normal.

 You opened the door, expecting a zombie.

 You were greeted with a snake. Giant, the size of a house. Things happened so quickly, things you weren’t even sure could happen. Rebecca shot and you vaguely thought about how Chris would come looking for you soon. You wished you hadn’t left him. But you had found Rebecca. 

The snake bit at you, scratching your arm. You were just narrowly able to stumble out the door when you fell down, feeling the effects of it immediately. Rebecca rushed towards you, barricading the door as best she could. You looked up at her, worry lacing your eyes. You were bit. You were dead. 

The door opened. Chris emerged.

You and Rebecca turned to him, breathing hard, bleeding in different places. 

“I should’ve never let you leave,” he muttered. 

“There was a room across the mansion that had some medicine bases,” Rebecca said, thinking quickly on her toes. Her words seemed too sharp. You couldn’t even feel the pain. It was starting to numb. You looked at Chris, frightened. 

“Where?” he asked. 

“It’s hard to explain. There are so many rooms.” 

“You have to go with her,” you said. “She’s a medic, not a soldier.” 

“She made it this far.” 

“We don’t have time to argue. Do you wanna save her or not?” Rebecca felt awful. She had suggested you open the door and she hadn’t been prepared for what she would find on the other side. Chris looked conflicted, eyes gazing back to you. 

“Go Chris.” 

He gave you a pack of ammo. 

“We’ll be five minutes,” he promised. 

“I’ll come looking if you’re any longer,” you said dryly. He smiled weakly and looked at Rebecca. 

“Lead the way.” 

-

The silence was deafening. It was just you and the house again. You and the house and the snake next door. You and the house and the snake and the zombies that lurked, haunting your every step. 

You were trying to be brave in the face of your adversaries but nothing seemed easy here. You regretted telling Chris to go. If you died from this, would you turn into one of those things? Would he have to find your body, still warm, knowing he was just barely too slow to save you? 

Every option seemed worse as time went on. 

When the door finally opened again, it wasn’t Chris or Rebecca. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” 

Wesker’s voice was condensing in a meek way. Still, you were glad to see him. You were glad to see anyone living at this point. You held your arm, eyes like daggers.

“Be careful. I might turn into a zombie here soon and then you’ll have to shoot me.”

“I don’t have moral dilemmas like that.” 

“So you’d shoot me?”

“In a heartbeat.” 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Wesker.” You adjusted your seating against the wall. He walked up to you and leaned down beside you. He grabbed your hand gently, moving it aside. He took off his glasses to examine the wound. 

“Snake bite?” “Large snake. More like a scratch.” You were so used to his sunglasses that you took the moment to stare into his cloudy eyes. He glanced up at you, a knowing smirk on his face. 

“You’ll be fine,” he promised. He looked around in his tactical vest, searching for something. You watched with curious eyes. After a moment, he grabbed a vile. He put it against your arm wordlessly and injected you with it without warning. You winced, more at surprise than pain. He grabbed a bandage wrap out of his side. 

“You’re awfully prepared for the worst,” you observed. 

“I have to be. I’m the leader of this team.” He tied it shut, strengthening it with a knot. “Be more careful next time.” 

“Where did you go?” 

“When?” 

“When we got to the main hall with Barry and Jill. You just left.” 

“I thought I heard something. I went to investigate.” You didn’t believe that. He was close, sitting beside you now. You bite the inside of your mouth, still hazy from the snake bite or whatever he injected into you. Wesker didn’t mind your questions. In fact, he wanted to encourage them. You were smarter than the rest of the lot. He liked that you would always be just a single step behind him, rather than a whole staircase. 

“Okay,” you said finally. “Can you help me up? Rebecca and Chris went looking for something to help me with. They’ve been gone too long.” 

“You should know that there’s no use in trying to save all of them.”

“They’re my friends Albert.” He put a hand on your wrist, holding it gently. 

“They won’t all live. There’s no use in you dying with them. It would be a waste of a talent and the waste of a sacrifice.” 

“Who’s sacrificing themself?” 

“Anyone who dies here is sacrificing themself for one of us.” He wanted to tell you it was a controlled experiment. He didn’t. You would find out soon enough. 

“I don’t think I like that Wes,” you muttered. 

“You don’t have to like it to live it.” 

You felt more comfortable with Chris but you felt safer with Wesker. No harm would come to you while he was here. You grabbed his hand and held it for a moment. 

“We’ll all get out of this.” You let his hand go and reopened the door. 

He wanted to tell you no. Not everyone would make it out of this one. It was designed to kill some, to help others succeed. He knew you would be the latter. Even with the snake incident. 

-

You went the back way to find Chris. 

Five minutes after you left, he returned. He found a pool of your blood on the floor and he didn’t see you. His eyes went wide as he stood in the doorway, blocking Rebecca from being able to view it. 

“What? What Chris?” She tried to shove him aside. 

“She’s gone,” he breathed.

He tried to picture you as one of those…things. He tried to picture your eyes dead, your fingers peeling, your skin melting. He couldn’t. None of the mental images seemed to conjure, out of sheer fear. He could never kill you, even if you were already dead. 

“Maybe she went looking for us?”

“We’re too late.” 

“The snake bite doesn’t mean she’ll become one of the zombies.”

“It could. It’s the same thing, the same virus, isn’t it?” Rebecca had no sound argument against him. She knew as much as he did. 

“She couldn’t have gone far. She went looking for us,” Rebecca said again. Chris didn’t have the heart to argue with her. 

-

Wesker intended to lose you again but you were just so alluring, he couldn’t help himself from hanging around. He followed you around the mansion, he helped you kill the bioweapons, he ended the mystery of things that should have remained shrouded. 

He figured you wouldn’t see Chris again until you reached the laboratory. He would keep you till then, saving you from that moral dilemma. It would be far more interesting for you to make the decision when you were before Tyrant, when you saw Wesker’s true colors. When you would’ve died without him. Could you live with him? 

“Wesker come on,” your voice spoke, breaking him from his thoughts. “I think I found something.” 

He followed you like a lost dog. 

“Let me see.” 

Final Part !

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’m hoping this is the inbox- pls help I’m used to just reading what’s in the tags on tumblr and never requesting anything 🥹

I hope you’re having an amazing day/night/whatever time of day it is for you-!!! I just found your blog and I am so happy I did!! I’ve been binge reading it but the fact that I found someone who writes for Creepypasta???? I’m??? In luv??? (platonically ofc) may I request some LJ with a fem!reader who has bpd and he’s their fp, carries his little music box everywhere she goes and always “talks” to him in public, not caring about any crazy looks she gets from people?

Also politely asking to be 🩶 anon (if you’re taking any ofc-)

Laughing Jack x fem!reader w/ BPD who has him as her FP!

UEUEUEUE im so happy to hear you love my writing sm ehehehe! always thrilled to hear people enjoying my stuff/that it makes them happy! i hope you enjoy this, i havent written a reader with BPD before so i hope this is decent! also also youre doing wonderful; requesting i mean! i dont think theres many rules against how youre meant to request (every blog is different though!!)

honestly i think hes genuinely thrilled to be taken around and about with you in his little box! usually hes sitting in his box waiting for an unfortunate soul to take it home; its been like this for... a while now... so actually being able to go around and see things is a nice change of pace! plus it makes him feel more included in your life rather than just being an "at home friend"

i think in the beginning youre going to have to ask him to pipe down a little since he might talk a little too loud... like near yelling because hes just so excited

loves helping you shop :)! quick heads up though he might beg you to buy stuff you guys dont need

general silly ideas aside, i think hed be chattering the entire time so you two probably always have a conversation going on whenever you guys are out

probably sneers at people who give you looks tbh, will probably trip them if they decide to be a little ruder and mutter something under their breath while theyre passing by you... i mean they cant prove anything! they just tripped on air! jack totally didnt swipe one of his long arms out and tug their ankle back!

the only downside is that jack cant do much outside of talking and sneaking stuff around since him just fully popping out his box might blow his cover, you know? doesnt mean he doesnt have the urge to jump out when he sees you getting a little stressed out or overwhelmed about your surroundings or when someone is being particularly cruel

though i dont doubt hes remembering faces; i mean at the end of the day hes still a clown that specializes in torment, do i really need to say what hes cooking up in his brain?

no in cases where you're beginning to struggle hes probably going to try to quietly urge you to disconnect and take a breather

keeps your favorite candies on him at all times and slips them into your hand, probably does the same to any stress/fidget toys you may or may not have.. though i do hc he can just materialize certain things and i can easily see that sort of thing falling into something he can just yoink into existence

very good at reassuring you of your worth and how much you mean to him; this is a general thing but i think he makes it more of a point if self image is something you particularly struggle with

who would have thunk it, the clown with abandonment issues is good at reassuring others that hes not going to go anywhere

[sukirichi]

Holy shit. Im usually at work when you post the updates so i got quite the scare when i saw your tag. I legit believed today was monday 😭😭😭

Dhshdhbsbbabbfbsnna in a way im so happy we're with rin but it breaks my heart how he keeps trying to push us away thinking we would be happier without him and how scared he is that we'll despise him later on for choosing him

😭😭😭😭 Baby, rin ill never despise you, love your stubborn ass too much

Team rin till the end uwu

The part where he thought we wanted to have sex made me snort so loud 🤣🤣🤣 poor baby, waking up to that 🤣🤣🤣

Kinda annoys me we keep saying 'that we' re leaving cause he's the only thing we have now' i understand his reaction its like we're saying 'oh if we had a choice we wouldnt pick you' i know we genuinely picked him and we even tell him but the insistence of keeping on saying 'because youre the only thing i have left' doesnt sit well with me

Also sorry omi stans but i felt absolutely nothing seeing him crushed and crying. I agree with the person that said it was really toxic of him saying rin never loved us and even 'manipulative' to an extent when he truly didnt know what was going on in rin's head and heart. So he can suffer a bit too 🙄

Hope he has his closure of wtv 🥱 i just want a happy ending with rin 🤣🤣🤣🤣 where we can finally have a genuinely calm happy life even without riches. Just us, rin kids (since he wanted some) and a dog (cause he also wanted one and honestly im more for the dog than kids ahahahha) like i dont need wealth just rin uwu

AFGHJKAA I get the confusion, I don’t even follow with my schedule anymore either because life’s just out of control *sobs* LMAOOO rin thinking we randomly wanted sexy time even after running away from the cops and him being game for it was like the only lighthearted scene in that chap AGHJSKA. and oooohhh that quote… I think we said that to reassure him that we do value him, like he’s still important to us and because he’s the only thing we have left, we’ll cherish him even further because we can’t afford to lose one more thing that’s precious to us </3 (in all honesty tho!! you’re right lol. if the situation had been different and if we had a choice, we probably would’ve still chosen kiyoomi if it meant rin was still safe. but he wasn’t. so.)

AS A KIYOOMI DEFENDER let me clear my man’s name HAHAHHA he said rin didn’t love us because to him, that’s not how love should be!! kiyoomi is a very simple guy. if you love your partner, you would never lie to them or cheat on them or do anything that you know would hurt them!! if you do any of those things, then maybe you didn’t love them at all – that’s how kiyoomi thinks, but you’re right, he didn’t know what was going on in rin’s heart. and YES rin did love us despite being horrible. he isn’t a black and white character at all. but yeah omi deserves his closure!!

[golbrocklovely]

i think its hilarious people are calling m cb’s girlfriend when that horny mfer is still liking half naked insta models pics as of a day or two ago. if he had a gf he wouldn’t (i hope) disrespected her like that. whereas i think sg and k are probably together or at least in the early stages bc they definitely seem cutesy together whereas all pics of cb and m (including nye) have ‘we’re just having fun’ vibes. also the way m is dressing and still posting on insta, she’s definitely not giving off ‘i have a bf’ vibes.

people just stiring drama (not u, ofc. ur the only snc blog i keep up with bc you have reasonable answers to this stuff) in the tag calling both girls the ‘girlfriends’ lol

plus as a personal observation as someone who’s only known who snc are since october, cb doesnt strike me as someone who will settle down before 30 (if he ever wants to). hes 27 now right? maybe in the coming years he might start wanting something solid but he strikes me as someone who isnt looking for that rn. idk im 29 this year and im sort of in the same boat. like only the last 6 months have i been thinking ok its probably time to find someone…

i mean, i would assume he'd not do that either, but i think it also depends on what m feels like. she might not care. also there are a lot of girls colby is just friends with, and he'll like their scantily clad pics so idk about it being an issue.

and as for what she wears, again, i don't think that matters. colby doesn't seem like the type to want his girl to fully cover up or whatever. and also, just bc you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to dress conservatively. you still have the same body underneath, whether or not you show it off. and if she feels confident, who gives a fuck what colby thinks lol

but as i've stated before, idk how serious m and colby could be. they've only known each other since sam's bday. so they've only been together for a month and some change so… eh. if they want to be together forever, so be it. that's awesome. if not, it is what it is.

as for sam and k/la girl, yeah idk about them either. they've seemingly been together since septemberish. so, it could be serious and lead to something more committed. or it could just be a silly fling that lasts for a bit of time and then ends. but i hope they enjoy whatever time they do spend together.

colby has had almost exclusively flings since 2016 after he broke up with his only girlfriend (or he claims to be his only girlfriend). he has a lot that he needs to work on internally before he starts committing to anyone. he himself has said that basically. so i don't see him settling down anytime soon, but who knows. and same thing with sam. he just got out of a long relationship, so my first thought would not be to jump into another one. but he also has said he's a monogamous person and likes being in relationships. so… it's a bit up in the air for both of them. but i don't see them settling down any time soon.

and as for me, there's always been just a lot going on in my life so i've never really taken time to focus on my love life. or the couple times i have, it's been unrequited and heartache. however, i'm very happy i didn't date when i was younger bc i genuinely hated myself for a long time. and i just know i would have tolerated a lot more bc i didn't care about me and just didn't want to be alone. like i was borderline abused by dudes i wasn't even seeing back then. now, i love myself (for the most part lol) and have no issues being alone. and i also know what i want. and if a man, or woman, ever tried anything with me, i'll just leave lmao

i would like to get married in the future, but it definitely isn't gonna be this year or most likely the next sksk

[dykexenomorph]

Bela Re8, Karlach Bg3, and\or Isobel Bg3 for the ask game!

not upset just wanna complete the set 👍

this got kinda long so im putting it under a readmore LMAO (character asks!!)

BELA DIMITRESCU:

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER: HOW can i put this. she is everything to me. i think about her daily.shes my right hand arm. MAN. shes my everything. all of this but she doesn't even make the top ten in my list of favorite resi charas LMAO

WHO DO I SHIP WITH HER: well nobody. sorry for being lame it will happen again LMAO

NON ROMANTIC OTPS FOR HER: IM SORRY IM SO LAME I JUST LIKE HER FAMILY DYNAMIC. BELA HAS NO FRIENDS SHES A LOSER WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME MAN

UNPOP OPINION ABOUT HER: i dunno how to put it but i think the way i generally see/interpret her (and the other two sisters) are so blatantly different from what fanon is (or at least what it was BEFORE i gave up on the re8 tag) tht its my most unpop opinion? if tht makes sense idk its late and im tired

SMTH I WISH HAPPENED IN CANON: I SO BADLY WANT MORE CONTEXT FOR THE WAY THE DIMITRESCU'S OPERATED AND TREATED ONE ANOTHER. like YEAH they were killing maids and being generally dykeish and cruel in that castle but how were they sustaining this. what like. day to day things did they do. were the sisters close or did they just see each other as competition or what!!! im so curious about them it hurts AUGH

KARLACH CLIFFGATE:

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER: AUGAUGATGALHGALJSFSDLAJ !!! hope this helps :D

WHO DO I SHIP WITH HER: my DURGE!!!!!!!!!!! (real answer though is probably minthara or shadowheart. i love the idea of minthara ALSO going back to avernus w karlach and wyll to help her fix her engine :3)

NON ROMANTIC OTPS FOR HER: WYLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they have THE dynamic of all time <3

UNPOP OPINION ABOUT HER: the way people baby her is SO stupid and ridiculous. this is a woman who fought in a demon army for TEN YEARS. she saw what happened when elturel fell and did nothing because she was worried about what it'd mean for herself. YES she is a kind, giving, and heroic person NOW, but she hasn't always been (even if her reasoning is understandable). if i see one more person act like she can't understand or cope with some of the more morally questionable things the party encounters along the campaign im going to lose my mind

SMTH I WISH HAPPENED IN CANON: dunno if this counts but i wish we could do more in terms of touching her (for lack of better way to phrase it) in act 1. like let me be silly and use mage hand to high five (or whatever else) her. let me and wyll dump cold beer in her mouth like some sort of shitty frat party. idk its very silly but i want more goofy interactions w her where tav + the party try to find stupid ways around the engine issue!!!!!

ISOBEL THORM:

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER: NOBODY LOVES HER MORE THAN I DO AND I MEAN THAT SO GENUINELY. ISOBEL THORM THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO DO I SHIP WITH HER: im not answering this. come on now. lets get a grip. (aside from the obvious answer i also like her + dame alyin + shart. tht trio is everything to me <3)

NON ROMANTIC OTPS FOR HER: does jaheira count? they were stuck for SUCH a long time protecting last light together in the shadow curse, they had to have ended up being good friends i think?? i think about it ALL the time

UNPOP OPINION ABOUT HER: its hard to have an unpop opinion when nobody thinks about her character as anything other than an accessory for dame alyin. i will give u an unpop opinion when u can give me literally ANY non-alyin related opinion this fandom has about her LMAO

SMTH I WISH HAPPENED IN CANON: GIVE ME MORE SOLO ISOBEL INTERACTIONS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I WANT COMPANION ISOBEL. I WANT AN ISOBEL-CENTRIC QUEST (NO ACT 2 DOESNT COUNT LEAVE ME BE). WHY DO I ALWAYS LOVE CHARACTERS W THE LEAST AMOUNT OF CONTENT

[kahin]

so now that i effectively watched atsv and was left shell shocked. i just thought it was a movie thing like "tbc" ohh its a cutscene haha What the movies actually over. uhmm the plot was maybe lacking a bit but i get that its a two-part so no comment there. i should say i yelled when i saw jess drew because what do you mean there is a pregnant spider-woman on a MOTORBIKE doing cool tricks. i had to stop myself from going "oh yeah jess drew is so cool and awesome haha" like every two seconds. i hope i get to see more of malala windsor too tbh... {hijabi spiderman}. the spot was such a silly guy and i kind of understand that IS how you're meant to view him n it also sorta reminds me how in itsv no one took miles seriously as spiderman they all insisted that THEY were the ones who'd do the job and stay behind. n it sorta loops back a bit as well cz in itsv they kept goin "hes just a kid" and in atsv when peter keeps going "kid" he goes "stop calling me that" before escaping.

miguel. ohohohho what is up with him. i cant even get into this guys head i cant even say anything. hes chasing down a 15 year old and was abt to kill him in that fucking go home machine Bless margo 4 not doing anything wi that system reboot because. uhm. 💀

prowler aaron-42 had me sort of shaking because he was about ot kill miles-1610 like 3an jad "like no i dont want to be a good person" tekram 3aynak sidi o7 any other orders. 42-miles and 1610-miles switching circumstances is a cool little thing to note too. the spider that bit miles-1610 was from d-42 meaning that prowler miles in 42 was supposed to be spiderman. which kind of explains too why jeff is dead in 42 as opposed to . well. aaron. also rio in 42 has lighter eyes than 1610. the scene where our miles was like pouring his heart out to her and she doesnt even believe him left me like

[ID: a 3D emoji turning to look at the viewer with a haunted expression. It is in complete darkness and light illuminates part of the expression and the right hand. end ID.]

hobie was so real also the entire movie cz during the "kid listen" scene i talked abt earlier he started motioning with his palms. i also had to stop myself from going "YOOO ITS HOBIE HEY GUYS LOOK HAVE OYU SEEN THIS"

anyway i dont get why you guys hated jess drew or margo kess. jess did barely anything except maybe be a TAD BIT harsh on gwen but she didnt. even lay a hand on miles meanwhile miguel was about to kill him like genuinely kill him probably at multiple times. margo i dont get the hate against her too i think it . listen im going to come up with a theory.... it might be antiblack racism.

i also rlly liked pavitr but the chai tea thing sends shivers up my spine because i know if i check his tag that'll be all i see. the moment he went "chai TEA?" i just went "yeah he sealed his fate forever. im so sorry pavitr this movie's first indian spider-man and they're gonna treat you badly. the fact they gave him like 100 or so unique signatures makes so much sense his moveset is so rad bro

In conclusion. uhm. MISSION STATUS: SICKK

[taegularities]

hey rid, i was hoping i could vent/get ur advice on smt? u don't need to post this if u dont want to!

im an elementary education major and i rlly want to be a kindergarten teacher... like rlly bad. i still remember my first day of kindergarten and i knew from that moment that's exactly what i wanted to be. i changed my mind a couple of times (mainly because of family pressure) but i always came back to teaching. my dad is so not supportive about it and it usually doesnt get to me, but it rlly is rn. he's one of my favorite people in the world and i love him to bits, but it absolutely destroys me that he still cant be supportive of it. i want nothing more than to make him proud but i dont think i can as a teacher.

it's been getting to my head and now im uncertain if i wanna be a teacher or not.. like i cant see myself being anything but a teacher, but knowing all the cons (the low pay, the amount of people leaving the field) it scares me and is rlly discouraging me. i feel like i need to choose my head and be practical rather than choosing my heart and following my dreams, but i almost feel like i would be betraying myself if i did that. im genuinely so lost and dont know how to feel about it :( any advice would help!

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️(side note, why do i feel so nervous signing my tag on this ask HAHA)

hey babe !! don't worry about it, you can vent anytime <3 i'm sorry it's been affecting you like that :(

it's a difficult situation you're in, and i understand how it must feel to not have someone's support on something so important, especially when that person means so incredibly much to you. but that said, in the end it'll be you who'll be stuck with a job for the foreseeable future.

the problem is that, in life, you can't always satisfy everyone, right? and if you keep trying to do just that, you might end up neglecting your own needs and desires and that might affect your mental health in the long run. so what i'm trying to say is – if you feel like that's the job for you and you really can't be happy anywhere else, then you should stay. ugh i know, the pay in this area is a full disappointment, the entire teacher body has been complaining for years lol i guess that's something that's a constant.

but are there perhaps courses or people you know that could go through opportunities that you might like? something or someone professional? oftentimes, there are jobs out there that cater to your interests, but you just don't know it yet. or perhaps you could be a tutor on the side, for some extra money?

it's a tough situation, but i hope you get through it and know that your stress is valid – still, please remember, that in the end it's your life, and it's you who you need to make happy. if your gut's telling you you'd betray yourself if you did something else, then that probably means something. i found a few links (i'm not sure if they're good, but maybe you could try?): 1, 2, 3.

i'm so sorry you've been feeling that way, love 🥺 vent anytime you need... i hope things get better soon 🤍

[one-abuse-survivor]

🧵, our biological mom called today after we texted her about our 1st dog because we miss him, and he lives with her, now she wants to call on Saturday and I don't know how to feel. I don't trust this woman, she *let* our abuse happen to save herself, she feels gulity but won't save our bio brother whos fucking *10* from our bio dad because a custody battle would be too truamzting for him nevermind the fact that living with the monster of a man that is our father is going to traumatized him more.

But she also has genuinely changed and part of me really wants to let us have some family other than our Nana who might disown us this Saturday because I'm going to tell her that we're gay and trans this saturday hopefully and she really is a wonderful lady but she grew up in south korea and is almost 90, some of think it would be better not to tell her, but I want her to meet our fiance but she cant meet them if she doesnt know the truth. Honestly I don't know how shell react shes knows our real name and seems to be okay with it because our dad cant keep his mouth shut, but god I'm tired, I wish we had more family, and deep down I'm scared, Im supposed to protect us, to fix it all and I'm really not sure if I can -N[you dont have to tag individual alters that talk /g] a

Also sorry this was so rambly and all over the place

Hey nonnie, I really hope things went better than expected with coming out to your grandma. Please let me know how it went if you want to—I'd love to know you're safe.

Also, I hope things went well with your mom if you saw her in the end. This is such a messy situation to be in. And the fact she's allowing your brother to be abused by your dad is horrifying. How can she think going through any custody process could be worse for a child than being abused? Your poor brother 😣

You're going through a lot, it's no wonder you're all over the place! I really hope things are slightly better now.

[heorist]

Otis Driftwood X GN reader [Part 2]

• His love language is physical touch mostly

• If you wear something super nice he will not take his eyes off you for literal hours. stg. Baby will point it out and he'll get pissed off

• hes fond of neck kisses both giving and receiving

• Otis is in general really passionate in your relationship and trust me it shows

• As you know otis is brutally honest he doesnt sugarcoat anything so you really know his affections towards you are genuine.

• The longer youre with him the more spontaneous he gets honestly

• Walks with him around cemeterys late at night are a must. You guys probably end up digging up bones to use them in some craft later on

• similar to previous hc, he collects bones. Human bones and animal bones

• One way to really impress him is make a weird ass creation. Such as fishboy.

• Dates with him always involve doing a few illegal things but its okay yall are having a good time

• He has alot of knowledge on just about any serial killer there ever was so long conversations about them are frequent. Hes also probably taken you to places people were murdered

• Expect the unexpected always

• He forgets big dates such as anniversaries on occasion but always remembers specific details about you

A/N: Hope you enjoyed and I will probably be opening requests soon !

Tags: @daggersangel

[intergalacticaquarium]

more terrible no good headcanons for eddie disaster dreamboat munson

I said that if anybody made him too cool I'd have to add more and that's exactly what I'm gonna do babes because I had to scroll for way to long to find him making spagetti-os

(posting again bc it wasn't showing in the tag)

(first post)

-genuinely doesn't know what those stains are. Didn't even know it was stained bc he's had the same fitted sheet on it with one corner tugged off for 8 months and forgot about them since last time

-throws away Tupperware if the stuff in it is too gross

-he's pretty sure that green sour candy counts as a vegetable so he does eat at least 3 a day.

-just. Doesn't ever throw things away. Stupid shit like the backs of band aids and paper straw wrappers and napkins and hooooo boy this has turned into a callout post about myself

-sometimes horseflies fly into his hair and get stuck and he can hear them buzzing around and doesn't necessarily so anything about it right away until it stops

-no room for legs in the front seat of his car that space is reserved for old fast food bags

-buys new underwear instead of doing laundry

-hey why do I keep writing genuinely embarrassing things that I literally do irl. Is this really worth putting myself and the 4 huge bags of laundry I have in my tiny car and all my band aid wrappers on blast. Next I'm gonna write that every surface in eddies house is covered in stacks of hobbies and papers that feel like a goddamn archeological dig every time I clean

-psych he does that too

- ok things that I don't also do so that I don't start having a crisis that makes me a tidier person:

-feeds a family of raccoons that live in an abandoned hunting cabin in the woods

-one time he let one live in his closet for a bit and hoped Wayne wouldn't notice (this may explain some of the stains)

-this boy spills. Everything. He's a hand talker and it doesn't matter if he's holding something.

-the hand talking is also terrifying when in a car he is driving

-never drinks water ever and it stresses ppl out

-every single time he sees somebody he knows in public he will try and sneak up on them to scare them

-wears shoes inside bc he broke glass on the carpet months ago and he doesn't want to vacuum.

-the only place he has to actually sit and do anything I his room is his bed because everything else is covered in stuff

-everything is covered in stuff but every drawer he has is empty

-theres one category of things he owns that is organized absolutely meticulously and idk what it is but he's very proud of it and when he says he's "cleaning his room" it means organizing like band tees alphabetically or sorting minifig painting supplies and everything else stays trashed

-it's a perm and he did it himself in his bathroom 100%

-hair dye stains all over the bathroom from an ill advised look a while back. and maybe a few more times

-doesnt have a compulsive habit to bite his nails he does it bc he can never find the damn fingernail clippers

-notes and doodles. All over his arms

- yknow how when u were in school by the last day you'd have like one pencil and nothing else and u kept a hold of it bc you couldn't find any others?

- eddies been at that point since about half way thru his first senior year. He has one pencil and it is a stub (it is a d.a.r.e. pencil and he does find it funny) with no eraser and it's not sharp and it had a million bite marks on it

-has little stoner burn holes in all his clothes all his sheets his matress his sheets and the seats on his car bc he needs to be more careful and is gonna end up starting a fire someday

-wait that last one was a me thing

-maybe this is how I can embrace my flaws. make eddie do em too. it's cute when he's disgusting

-I no longer have improve myself at all

-puts random food in his pockets for later even though it will get linty. Gonna go ahead and say that I don't do this.

-isn't actually that good at guitar it turns out

-I gotta stop myself now because I know they'll just keep comin but add any you can think of or dm me because every time he gets worse he gets more of my love so like 2 give him a hug reblog 2 spray him with a hose

[tunabesimpin]

GOD I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE TUNA BLUSH FOR THE TWEELS DAMNIT /hj

*innocently with no intention*: Tell me what you like about the tweels? ^^

GYHEHEHEHEHEH i see just curious are we? ',:3c and thats reaaaally all? ehehe

I hope you're ready for my rambling cause HOO BOY DO I GOTTA ALOT TO SAY

WELL LET ME TELL YOU THEN WHY I ADORE THE TWEELS! i have no idea how to organize this besides a list/ notes so good luck this also might be ooc so take with a grain of salt This ended up long so ima put a cut here~

Floyd! -he's a rowdy boy, a scrunkly scrimblo if you will and that already has me in his clutches as I love rough housing and playing around! -I'd love to follow along with whatever bullshit he's doing. wants to toss me like a frisbee? Sure thing! Wants to play extreme parkour tag? hell yea! We breaking into the dorm pool outside of hours? He's the boss! -I also hella relate to his mood swings just not as outwardly. Sometimes I just be sad or pissed off for seemingly no reason. -the way he can be cunning if he wants to. I like to think he's really smart he just doesnt care to think hard cause whats the fun in that? and honestly i get that. -i appreciate his interest in shoes. even his funky shoes. I too like funky shoes. -also his laugh is the cutest thing ever and i would die just to hear it, we can be maniac laughers together -his nicknames are cute; this is actually why i chose him in game when i started twst

Jade! -he's mysterious and to me thats just a challenge to crack him open like a walnut (subtly of course, i will gladly take my time to learn about him) -I want to mentally battle him and see who will break first. -He likes mushrooms, I like mushrooms. same interest make brain go wee -I can appreciate his mindset on certain matters (*cough* betrayal matters *cough*) no but i do like just how he thinks and his general interactions with others. I really have no idea how to describe it other than that. -a scrunkly scrimblo hidden in plain sight -also his little character breaks are TOO CUTE!!!! LIKE IN FLIGHT CLASSE WHEN HE GETS HUFFY/ COMPETITIVE WITH AZUL ! OR WHEN HES PEAKED IN MUSHROOM CRAZE! adorable. Other Notes that just make me favor them- -marine biology is super cool to me. I would die to see their merforms and be able to ask questions if i couldn't find any answers in books! -Also I genuinely really like many animals and eels are in the top 3, they just look so googly eyed and swish around so neat -height gap. -teeth are cool -i want to fight them affectionately

Thank u for asking UvU !!!

[taki118]

Go Watch the Venture Brothers

So just heard the complete and utter Bullshit news that Adult Swim has cancelled one of (if not the best shows) they have the Venture Bros. This series is one of those shows that for WHATEVER reason never got to the level of fandom Rick and Morty has even though they’ve been at the genre parody game longer and in my opinion better. 

The series is about Rusty Venture former boy adventurer and failing super scientist who in an attempt to keep his head above water in debt goes around with his two boys Hank and Dean, and bodyguard Brock on misadventues while various legal archnemisis go after him, such as the Monarch. 

So if you never watched or never heard of this 7 season series let me give you a break down on why you should, 

1) Art Style & Animation

Venture bros is one of those rare Adult aimed animated series that that really truly tries to utilize their medium to the best of their abilities. Season 1 had like such a small budget and corners had to be cut so it can be a little hard to watch at times. 

But with each passing season they get a little better, a little more fluid, go just a little harder and it truly feels rewarding to watch. Like seeing an artist you follow online improve over the years. Like they COULD have stayed with the choppy and stiff animation from season 1 it fit right in with its fellow adult animated shows but it didn’t. They strove for quality to have something that matched the story they were telling.

2) The Writing 

Venture Bros has some of the tightest and consistently great writing of ANY serialized show I’ve seen, adult, animated or other wise. Wanna know why? Cause it’s all done by TWO people (save for like one ep each season where one other person is allowed to touch their baby). Yeah TWO people and they work their asses off every season to interject, humor, refrences, parody, plot and character development in equal measure. 

3) Character Development

Um yes in case you were wondering that’s right an adult animated show has CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT  that holds as the series goes on. Not to give spoilers but characters will go through changes in alignment, relationships will develop and change, some characters will go through negative arcs where they are straight up unbareable for a season before coming out the other side even better than they were before. There is no end of epsiode or even end of season reset. Characters, settings, and dynamics all change over the course of the show and it feels just so god damn good.

4) Story Development 

Just like the characters the story of the Venture Bros grows and changes each season. Things that are set up even as early as season one are paid off as the series goes on. Like not to be that bitch but you know how RIck and Morty teases an overarching plot ALL THE TIME but like will often just spit in the face of fans hoping for more than like one episode a season addressing it? Yeahhhhhhh that doesnt happen here, fans are consistently rewarded for putting the time in to rewatch and really think about what happened in the series. Characters that are seen in the background or are just referenced by other characters will be brought in to be recurring characters, things that start off as a small detail or gag will be given larger relevance and each time they do this you get that “OH I remember that from last season! So thats what it was!” The writers WANT you to rewatch, they WANT you to analyze and they WANT you to theorize, and they give you a show that gives back the time you put in.

5) Parody & Reference 

This series does a great thing with parody. They make real characters  who are just as enjoyable as the characters they parody, they make story lines that both poke fun at the absurdity of the media but shows the writers love for it. So often parody and references are just used to mock the thing but with Venture Bros you feel the love and care so when you know the thing being parodied you can laugh but feel good about laughing cause they are never laughing at a thing maybe you cared for in your youth but rather laughing with it.

And it’s never just one thing. When they parody a thing its often layered with other things to make it even more unique. Scooby-Doo is overlayed with famous criminals, Laura Croft is mixed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, GI Joe is given the look of the Village People and so on. They never go for the easy joke or reference. Hell theres an episode that starts with them reciting the lyrics to David Bowies Space Oddity for really no reason other than they could. They weave these things in naturally with their setting and characters so nothing feels out of place. Like if you dont catch a reference or parody you dont feel like “I think this isa reference to something?” like a LOT of things do not just adult animated shows. You arent taken out of the moment cause it all feels so natural. 

6) The Characters 

God damn these characters, I could go on for hours about these characters. From main to one off these are some of the most likeable characters you can find. I mean it when I say I can’t think of a single character I wish they had cut cause they are all so well created. Even the ones I hate i have fun hating cause they were made to be that way. I’ll be good though I’ll only talk about my absolute top faves.

- The Monarchs

You ever sit and wish villain couples could have functional  healthy relationships? Well look no further than Malcom Fitzcarraldo aka The Monarch and Dr. Shelia Girlfriend (yes that is her last name). The Monarch is a high strung impulsive saturday morning cartoon villain whos tendency to over react is only matched by his unspecified hatred of Dr. Venture. And Dr. G is his nonsense partner in crime who will cut a bitch if they don’t play by their admittedly weird rules. Both characters are great on their own but are better together. Though that doesnt mean they always get along. Like a real couple they have their ups and downs they fight, break up, make-up and grow stronger in their relationship with each season. 

- Shore Leave

Ok ok so I want you to imagine James Bond, mixed with GI Joe simmering in a cocktail of the most flamboyant gay men you have ever seen and you have one of my favorite gay characters/characters in general. Shore Leave is a member of OSI (the shows SHEILD/GI Joe parody organization) he’s loud, brash, flippant, sassy and highly competent at his job loving every second of getting to beat bad guys down within an inch of their life. I love seeing him play off the stoic Brock and the two have this great brotherly dynamic that’s never called into question. He also gets to have a very cute romance with Al the Alchemist (who is also great). I could talk about this man all day.

- Dr. Rusty Venture

They did such a good job with this man. He’s a self serving, sexist, perverted, whinny, self important asshole and yet you feel pity and genuine sympathy for him and want him to succeed. You can see how Dr. V was given a raw deal by his father who seemed to care more about his adventures than his sons well being and how this molded him into the bitter man he is today, but on the flip side you can see where he chose to use that as a crutch for his worst behaviors and impulses. Seeing him slowly grow and change and be an actual good father to his boys while all the while still be a giant dick is actually really great. 

- Dr. Byron Orpheus 

Ahhhhh Dr. Orpheus part Dr. Strange Parody part busybody stay at home dad, he’s just such a delight. Dr. Orpheus is a divorcee, with an unfulfilling job of maintaining order to the cosmos (which isnt as hard as one might think), and uses his magical ablities in ways most of us would (ie menial tasks and home chores). Overly dramatic and affectionate Dr. O is a delight whenever he appears, but he’s at his best around his daughter and old friends The Order of the Triad. 

Again I can go on but all these characters ranging from main to recurring are crafted with the utmost care for you to want to see them succeed or fail, to see them again even if you know it’ll never happen, and want them to cross paths with other characters. 

The Venture Bros is one of those series that I will ALWAYS recommend even to the pickiest of humor tastes. But if you don’t believe its as good as I said or don’t think the concept is to your tastes I’ll recommend a few eps that I think best show off the base idea of the series without giving much away. In terms of plot and spoilers, though somethings wont make a lot of sense. 

- S1 ep10 "Tag Sale – You're It!" - Dr. V is having a yard sale so of course all manner of costumed weirdos show up.  - S2 ep5 "Twenty Years to Midnight" - basically a fetch quest around the world to save the planet with daddy issues - S3 ep2 "The Doctor Is Sin" - Again daddy issues but with one of the best recurring characters and a great showcase of the series deeper emotional plots - S4 ep6 "Self-Medication" - Really embraces the parody as Rusty goes to a former boy adventurer support group.  Anyway the show is 7 seasons with 80 episodes, please go watch it. I will never forgive @adultswim​ for cancelling what was to be their final season. And in closing GO TEAM VENTURE!

[daddyjackfrost]

Their s/o not taking any of their shit

ft. Tsukishima, Kuroo, Oikawa,

my brothers pissed me off so here ya go

Tsukki;

a brat istg🙄🙄

literally the SALTEST grain of salt in the club

it was at the training camp

Nishinoya is pestering Tsukki to eat, claiming his arms will snap in half if he doesn’t finish the meat on his plate

“Tsukki, you’re so skinny! So frail! You need to eat. How will you ever amount to anything if you can’t even finish your food?”

Tsukki i glared at the small man. Nishinoya had been bothering him for almost ten minutes now.

The rest of the team was pretending not to listen, even though they were all silently agreeing with their Libero

Your eyes landed on Tsukki, across the room. You were sitting with Kiyoko and the other managers, unaware your boyfriend was being harassed

Your eyes zoned in on Tsukki’s half full plate, and Nishinoya’s looming figure

You quietly excused yourself from the table and made your way over

Kuroo and Bokuto were walking towards the Karasuno table as well. Both holding a plate filled with meat and rice

You managed to get to the table before them, and you walked up to Nishinoya and Tsukki, leaning on the table with your arms crossed

“What’s going on?”

Nishinoya sighed and threw his hands up in relief. “Y/n! Thank god! Tell your boyfriend he needs to eat, otherwise he’ll fold in half.”

Tsukki glared at the man and rolled his eyes.

“Tell Nishinoya-kun that I’m fine and that I can’t eat anymore.”

You stared down at Tsukki’s plate. From a closer look, you could see that he had barely touched his food

You frowned and gently pushed the plate closer to Tsukki

Tsukki grabbed the plate and was about to push it away, when you grabbed his wrist, halting him

His eyes snapped to yours and you slightly frowned at him

“Either you eat all this food, or I’m going to cut your new headphones into pieces.”

The Karasuno table froze

They knew that you usually kept Tsukishima in place, but hearing your threatening words made them fear for your life

“I hope stingyshima doesnt kill y/n,” Hinata mumbled.

Much to everyone’s surprise, including Bokuto and Kuroo, Tsukki just rolled his eyes and grabbed the plate

“You’re so annoying, y/n.”

You shrugged. “At least I can finish all my food.”

Kuroo;

he’s a smart ass

we been knew

and as much as we all hate him for being so smart and for not having to study, we can’t deny that it’s pretty cool

Kuroo’s known for spewing out random facts and the most randomest times

The entire Nekoma team is pretty used to listening to facts and small bits of information they would never use

You were holding a study session at your place

Exams were coming up and you wanted to make sure that the team was all on top of their studies

this, of course, led Kuroo to declare he “didn’t” need this and that he was fine without studying

but he loved you, so he would stay

you just told him to shut the hell up

You were sitting with Lev, helping him with his English studies

The house was quiet, besides the small question or need for guidance here and there

Kuroo, however, was restless

He wanted you all to yourself, but here you were. helping his team study

Kuroo sat up from his slouched posture and began tapping his foot on the floor

His disturbance caused Yaku to look up from his books with a scowl

Before the Libero could voice his hatred for the man, you sighed and threw one of your books at Kuroo

Hitting his leg

“Will you stop? If this is boring you then I suggest you leave, Tetso. The rest of the team needs to study, so please, stop it.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes at you, sticking his tongue out in a childish manner

You just clenched your fists, not wanting to flip him off when Lev was right there

It was quiet for another 30 minutes before Kuroo turned on his stomach with a small smile

“Hey, did you know, a human wouldn’t be able to tolerate the quietest place on earth for more than 30 minutes.”

Loud groans and a few curses filled the room

You tipped your head back in frustration, pinching the bridge of your nose

“Actually, smartass, it’s 45 minutes.”

The room quieted down, and Kuroo stared at you with wide eyes

“Yeah, that’s right. You were wrong. Now, I love you, but I will gag you if you don’t shut up.”

Kuroo, embarrassed and annoyed, shut up. He grumbled under his breath and grabbed his textbook, throwing you a small glare with his tongue out.

You covered Lev’s eyes and flipped him off.

Oikawa;

ANNOYING ASF

kidding i love this guy

but i would slap him for a juice box

N E WAYS

You, Iwazumi, and Oikawa were at the mall. You wanted to buy new shoes, so naturally your boyfriend tagged along, and so naturally his boyfriend tagged along

You were rambling about the black boots you had set your eyes on, willing to fight everyone for them, when you noticed you were essentially talking to yourself

You halted and Iwazumi stopped with you

“Y/n? So then what happened?” Iwazumi asked, genuinely finding interest in your passion for these shoes

You frowned, looking around you. “Where’s Tōru?”

Iwazumi scratched the back of his neck and pursed his lips. You narrowed your eyes at the Ace

Before Iwazumi could bullshit some lie, you heard familiar laugher behind Iwazumi, so you pushed the 5”10 man out of the way

Only to find Oikawa surrounded by a couple of his ‘fan girls’

You stared at your boyfriend with blank eyes. You could see Oikawa’s fake smile on his face, the one that came so naturally to him now

Iwazumi put his hands on your shoulders. “I’ll kick his ass for you.”

You let out a small laugh and patted your friends hands. “No need. I’ll beat him up later.”

You and Iwazumi walked away, arm in arm, towards your shoes

You both ended up going to the food court after, leaving right after

It was only when you got home did you realize you had left Oikawa at the mall

“Oh no...” You stared at the thirty messages Oikawa had sent you. You lightly chucked, “I’m sure his fans helped him out.”

About an hour later, Oikawa trudged into the house, very quietly and on high alert

When he saw the lights closed, he let out a small breath of relief. He knew he shouldn’t have humored those girls, but he couldn’t help it

He was an attention seeker after all 🙄🤚🏽

“Welcome home.”

Oikawa let out a small scream when you flipped the light switch on, leaning on the wall with a humored, yet dangerous, grin

Oikawa gulped and prayed someone would save him

uh. yeah😀 enjoy

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