#i used to feel strongly about it all and felt all ''revolutionary''

[pickapea]

everyone must unlearn the phrase "eat the rich". none of you are responsible enough to use it in a way that means anything

[dev-solovey]

Reading up on the history of American Idiot (album) and realizing exactly how revolutionary it was and I just have to yell about it for a hot second

So, before they started working on American Idiot, the band was having problems and they were thinking they were going to break up. But for a couple of reasons, they switched directions, most notably because they all felt strongly about the Iraq War and how it was manufactured by greed and warmongering from the Bush administration, which was amplified by the news media. I read a quote from Billie Joe Armstrong where he talked about how the news media was becoming "more of a reality show" than it was news, and he couldn't have been more right. In fact, that problem got worse, and now we're living in an era of rampant misinformation where everything is politicized to a point where just supporting human rights for marginalized people is considered controversial. The song American Idiot came out in 2004, and when Donald Trump first visited the UK at the beginning of his presidency, it was the top played song on every UK radio station, 12 years after it was released. Most things would be culturally irrelevant at that point.

When creating the album American Idiot, a lot of thought went into it - they had a very specific message in mind, and their goal was to send that message to youth. This is because they realized at some point that their fanbase was a bunch of teenagers, and even though they hadn't necessarily intended it that way, they suddenly had a platform with the youth of America and they decided they ought to do something good with it. The drummer, Tré Cool, said something along the lines of "I've never really liked the idea of preaching to kids, but I realized we don't really have a choice at this point." And I love that so much because like, so many people who get rich and famous just become completely out of touch, and when they get a platform, it's very easy to exploit that platform, influence them with terrible ideas, or encourage them to act in terrible ways for self-serving reasons (ex: JK Rowling, Andrew Tate, Dream, Logan Paul, Onision, etc etc). Green Day refused to allow themselves to get to that point. They know the platform they had gave them power and they made an active choice early on to be responsible with it. And a lot of that moral code comes from the fact that they came up in the DIY punk scene in Oakland, which held its members to a very high standard of ethics, a code that they still follow even after they were disowned by that scene when they signed on with a major record label in 1994.

The song American Idiot has a message of "this mass media hysteria is manufactured bullshit, don't fall for it," and it is not subtle about that message. It punches you right in the face. I remember being 12 years old and listening to it and thinking, "yeah, I don't want to be an American idiot." And now, at the age of 28, I am a staunch leftist who is firmly against the atrocities the US government commits, and I feel strongly about stopping misinformation. So I can say with absolute certainty that they succeeded.

I also get like, really upset when people say that American Idiot is the album where they sold out, because that's objectively not true, both for the reasons I've provided above, and also because of the song Wake Me Up When September Ends. Not a lot of people know the story behind this song, but it's actually a song that Billie Joe wrote about the experience of his dad dying of cancer when he was 10 years old. The story, as he tells it, is that when he came home from school, his mom gave him the news, and being (understandably!) upset, started crying, ran to his room and slammed the door. When she knocked on the door to try and talk to him, he shouted "wake me up when September ends!!" in response. It took him decades to be able to write this song, and it shows because it's the perfect grief song, having been played at benefits for 9/11, hurricane Katrina, and so on. The first time I heard that song it reduced me to tears, because you can hear the intense sadness in it. A "sellout" would never write a song like that!! (Side note: maybe stop tweeting at Green Day to wake up every October 1st, it's super tone deaf given the subject matter,,,)

Anyway, I think I'm done being autistic about Green Day (that's a lie, they'll forever be my special interest), so TL;DR:

Thank you, Green Day, for creating a generation of leftists who aren't about the bullshit

[needle-thread-thimble-spear]

Revolutionary Girl Utena and Epistemic Violence

or

Why Anthy is not a trans girl (but she is to me)

~~

Ohtori, as any good setting tends to, carries a lot of thematic weight. It’s a fairy world, where metaphorical illusion blurs personal hopes over a poisoned interior structure, to the point where an outside perspective may struggle to distinguish between what a character is thinking and what is actually happening. Time and memory are suggestions whispered in the ear of its students, a cyclic hell where the same puppets are played in position, memories broken but dreams intact, to test new victims and forge new swords. A kingdom of nowhen, ruled from above by a king that refuses to see that the prison he built cannot ever free him. A hierarchy where the misogyny taught to children to prepare them for the grown up version is baked into the very structure of the world, belying a culture of horrible sexual violence. And at the very bottom of that hierarchy, the victim-witch, is the kings own sister. A sort of broken Omelas, where one girl must suffer forever and ever, not to end the suffering of others, but to keep them in the dark. Especially her brother. What Ohtori is, and the hierarchies that it represents both within the work and outside of it, hinges on the suffering of that girl. And, maybe more importantly, her silence.

~~

Revolutionary Girl Utena changed my life. I’ve been saying this nearly two years now, mostly as a joke, but with distance I can see it really isn’t. When you are in the depths of an abusive relationship, it is extremely difficult to see what’s happening to you. I don’t wish to dwell on my own story here too much, but how can I ignore it? RGU was the language I used to understand what had happened to me. Images from the show flit through my mind as though I were a Tamarian. Utena, in the window. Anthy, with the candelabra. Utena, her hands cut with thorns. Anthy with the white beret. After finishing the show for the first time I felt sickened. Not merely because of the subject matter depicted, raw and horrible as it is, but because I saw myself in it. Why do I feel such a kinship with Anthy?

I think, dear reader, you may be able to imagine the horror inherent to that realization. You might have felt it, you may be feeling it now.

It seemed obvious to me then, for reasons I could not begin to fathom, that Anthy was a trans girl. Reeling from my first watch, this felt like the only conclusion I could draw though I couldn’t tell you why. For years, I have drafted and redrafted essays attempting to justify this feeling. Recently, I posted an reading of Miki as a transfem character, and I don’t feel particularly strongly about that reading! Sure, aspects of his character were relatable to me, I could draw analogies well enough, but that was completely secondary to my actual goal. Practice for the transfem Anthy essay. Looking back on what I’d written now, I don’t. Hate? What I wrote. There’s definitely some aspects I’d repudiate now. If you enjoyed reading it, if it meant something to you, I’m glad. But even as I was writing it it felt incomplete and limited. And I believe I understand why.

What did I get wrong about Miki and Kozue? What lies in Ohtori’s heart? What lies in that bed of rotten rose petals?

We all know what does, but we do not want to see it and certainly don’t want to talk about it.

It’s Nanami’s disgust with Anthy, with herself. It’s Miki and Kozue’s confused but earnest posturing. It’s Utena looking up at Akio, it’s Anthy’s vacant stare.

Even here, I’m speaking in abbreviated reference. But it’s abuse, sexual, at times incestuous abuse, that touches every character in RGU.

I’d recently seen a few posts which I think hit on a really common phenomena among fans of the show. Our own stories, our own disgust, our own fears and our own traumas, sort of get in the way when we talk about RGU. I think it’s a natural consequence. RGU deals with heavy subject matter that is very difficult to sit with. I don’t think it’d be incorrect to say most western fans of RGU are queer in some way. We’re much more likely, as consequence, to suffer from interpersonal abuse. And naturally, we are drawn to these characters since they represent, with so few holds barred, some of our worst experiences. But does that make them like us?

For the record, I think it would be ridiculous to suggest that RGU isn't a queer show and that it isn't filled with queer characters. But, for as obvious a conclusion as this is, a surprising depth of that queerness is veiled in subtext. It’s worth considering, the endless arguments over whether Anthy and Utena are lesbians or bisexual, is sort of inconsequential. The important thing is that they have escaped, together! We could suppose that, were Ohtori a real place, we could go track down the two of them and demand from them an answer. How do you feel, Anthy, about your attraction to Akio? What does that mean to you? Would you please quell that horrible disgust we feel thinking about it? Inquiring readers would like to feel better know!

When one leaves Ohtori, one leaves the view of the audience. Utena and Anthy are in love with one another, but what that means to them (and themselves) is out of our reach.

And yet, I can’t seem to shake my original conclusion, from my first watch. Surely it cannot be intended! Hell, even the fact that Anthy is desi is sort of incidental to any commentary on social injustice, the motivation for depicting her (and Akio) this way was to exoticize them relative to the rest of the school. So is this image of Anthy as a brown trans girl, her position in Ohtori being a result of transmisogyny, some western myopia? Mere projection of the aggrieved self on a character who, by her nature, absorbs the feelings and impressions of those around her?

Sort of?

Revolutionary Girl Utena was created in a Japanese cultural context, to be sure, but it’s worth noting that while the precise execution of (trans)misogyny and other gender injustices may vary from culture to culture, patriarchy isn’t exactly exclusive to the west. There is a lot of different directions we could run in here, but the one I want to focus on is epistemic violence (a good primer linked here if the term is unfamiliar). *

In Ohtori, all girls are like princesses, unless they are like witches. And, sooner or later, all girls are like the rose bride, the doll-witch, the synthesis. This is how patriarchy works. There is a concept of “permissible” femininity, and an “impermissible” feminity. There is the wife, the mother, the domestic servant, who is permitted some limited social power by her utility to a patriarch (primarily as a mother to trueborn children). Then there is, well, everyone else. “Loose” women, sure, but also those who have been damaged by sexual violence. Those who cannot bear children, because of some accident of their physiology. These women are used, for feminized labor, for sex, but because of the stigma associated with them and the issues they present toward patrilineal succession, they are subject to various censure. One does not talk about survivors of sexual violence or sex workers in polite society. It is possible for some to travel between these two categories, although it is far, far easier to go from “type 1” to “type 2” than the other direction. Indeed, for some it is not possible to have ones “virtue” restored. If we aren’t being reduced to predatory inhuman monsters, trans women, both a hypersexualized object of intense fetishization and incapable of bearing children, are placed into the second category automatically. Lots of would be abusers are happy to whisper in our ears, that they will treat us like we are “type 1”, but invariably they do not.**

The most maddening thing to me about being a trans woman is this, inability for anyone to see the violence that happens to you. People don’t believe you can be the subject of (sexual) violence, even though the fact it occurs to you, regularly, should be obvious to anyone who thinks about how we are perceived for just a moment! You cannot speak up without sounding delusional, it can happen right in front of a stranger, your best friend, and they wont bat an eye. That you are so incredibly disgusting, no one would want to hurt you that way.

Anthy isn’t a trans girl. But the system that silences her, treats her like she deserves her victimization, that she is irrevocably tainted by her relationship with Akio, the system that keeps us, the audience, from internalizing the dreadful truth of her character, this veil of silence, of covered ears and closed eyes, is extant in the lives of all misbegotten gender-oppressed rejects. If we are going to draw analogies between ourselves and Anthy, or Utena, or Nanami, or any the rest of them, we need to pull back that veil. Indeed, it's confronting (and then escaping from) that choking, word-stopping bile that sits at the core of RGU's thesis. I don’t think it’s wrong for us to relate to the characters in RGU, and write about that. But we might stop to consider why before we do!

*If you’re curious to read more about patriarchy across cultures, here is a really incisive article on the phenomena of third sexing, the operation of (trans)misogyny and gendered violence in parallel across cultural contexts, and how that relates to the western and desi sphere (but also more broadly).

**It should also be noted that there can be no comparison of suffering of anyone under patriarchy. Even the most vaunted cis man, I suppose. But there can be a comparison of power, and this is why we discuss it rather than throw up our hands.

Thank you for reading, I think this is the last I'm going to write about RGU for a while, though there's quite a bit I want to say about Utena and Anthy's relationship. So someday, I'll get around to more! And a perennial thank you to @empty-movement for the high quality archival images.

[paingoes]

Questions for any/all/however many of your OCs because I'm bored and curious.

How have they changed throughout their development? (I don't mean in-character --- like how do they differ now from the previous versions? How are they different now from the very first time you thought of them?)

How would the story differ if a character/s were in the position (societal, emotional, etc, any or all) of other character/s?

What's something (or multiple things) that they'd never, ever tell anyone?

What's something they'd never tell anyone, but really want to?

What do they think of when they hear the word "home"?

Are they religious? What are their thoughts on religion?

ooooo this is so much fun thank you for sending!!! okay!!!

1.) How have they changed throughout their development?

i wanna say that delta has been pretty watertight since inception. the story was created with him in mind. honestly i didnt always know where the plot was going and a lot of that was improvised, but his character and the way he reacts to things are fundamentally what holds the whole thing together. living weapon-whistle blower dichotomy was always there. thats my boy :)

paris and lorelai were both like. they invited themselves in and havent left basically id say that was their effect on the plot. ive said this a lot but the early paris characterization is kinda weak, he was just meant to be a kind of controlling and cruel whumper. and he was always supposed to be close to delta in age. that was basically it. i feel like the first time i really "got" him was when i wrote him in Moonshine blacked out and sobbing on the floor. and even now when i reread it im like. Oh there he is.

lorelai i guess ive also had her characterization down for a while. she has a good heart and despite her sheltered upbringing she has a very strong revolutionary spirit! shes kind of an idealist and she has a really rigid moral sense which is a good contrast to paris's ability to justify literally anything.

i planned to write rubies before crash out or to have crash out be like. a side story to rubies. but i remember the exact moment i realized when i wanted to do with paris and lorelai and it hit me in the head really hard. i was like. they neeeeeed to do fear and loathing in las vegas.

2.) How would the story differ if a character/s were in the position (societal, emotional, etc, any or all) of other character/s?

gonna hold my tongue on this one because the roleswap/princess delta AU is coming!!!!! no spoilers hehehehe

3.) What's something (or multiple things) that they'd never, ever tell anyone?

hmmmm. i feel like delta would really try to avoid talking about times where he was like. gleefully and proudly complicit in hurting and destroying other people. "glee" is definitely a strong word but he takes pride in his work and he knows hes the fucking best at it. he really enjoys the dopamine rush of hitting targets on a purely mechanical level and he enjoyed being The Favorite at the institute. hes knows its wrong now but at the time? he lived off the validation.

one thing lorelai would never tell anyone is that she thinks the living weapon thing was hot.

lorelai: omg poor delta :(((( thats so sad lorelai: it shouldve been me

while lorelai is pretty morally upright she defintiely has a thing about violence and control CTRL. lorelai is a foil to paris but she is a parallel to delta and i think she also really really wants to feel useful in the same way he can be. this doesnt mean shes okay with what paris did to him AT ALL but she is very. captivated by the concept to say the least.

4.) What's something they'd never tell anyone, but really want to?

i cant think of anything tbh! lorelai is mostly an open book and she says what she's thinking. if delta felt strongly enough about anything to confide in someone, and he felt safe to do so, i think he'd cave to that too. i feel like i should have an answer here for paris because he's definitely in the business of "i can't admit this even to myself" but i think if he really wanted to say something he would just say it. i dont think any of them are really good at keeping secrets.

5.) What do they think of when they hear the word "home"?

paris thinks of thales, which is silly. it's not like he ever spent that much time there.

loreali thinks of absalom! she loves her home and its kind of incredible she ever left. she made a big sacrifice doing it and she doesnt regret it but she does get homesick a lot.

delta has no immediate associations and that is something that definitely eats at him. minor spoilers for rubies i guess but he will eventually come to associate Galatea -- and especially Levon -- with home.

6.) Are they religious? What are their thoughts on religion?

i think it would be funny here to say lorelai's family is southern baptist. delta was raised atheist and in fact i think Martino was probably a total snob about it and made him read Space Richard Dawkins. none of them are particularly spiritual but paris and lorelai are both weirdly superstitious. paris believes in the afterlife.

destroyer does not have good religious lore but i did once canonize Space Catholicism so i could make a dick-sucking joke

[imnotevenusin]

The Astrology of : Tupac Shakur

Tupac Shakur is one of the most influential and important Black Artist to ever live, who expressed himself through different mediums : Poetry, Music, and Acting. As a man, he stood for justice and self-respect, and was seen as a revolutionary—his songs touched on many social issues. Even 27 years after his death, Tupac can still be seen as a major role-model for troubled youths.

Sadly, we don’t have a specific birth time for him (I’d still say he was a Capricorn Ascendant), so we’ll just have to focus on the aspects he had.

☄️Mercury strongly trining Mars—Mercury being the planet of communication and problem solving is being actively supported by Mars, which is the planet of action and defense. If you watch any of his interviews, he spoke with the utmost passion and confidence (see : Much Music interview). He was able to stand up for himself and other people (Mars in Aquarius) with his words.

🗣️A Gemini Stellium (Venus, Mercury, & Sun)—Its funny that he was aware of his Gemini traits so much. Geminis like to interact with everything around them. Tupac wrote poetry, he wrote scripts, he was a RAPPER, and he could talk your head off if he wanted to. Also, many Geminis are rappers (ex : Andre 3000, Kanye (Ye) West, Lauryn Hill, Kendrick Lamar).

☀️Sun squaring Pluto—When the Sun (our light, what we are interested in, what we revolve our personalities around) squares Pluto (power, addictions, what controls us, or what we have control over), it shows that a person feels as if they are overpowered by something. Tupac felt like he was institutionalized and there was always somebody out there to get him. Growing up a Black man in America was a huge burden for him—he even was a victim of police brutality in 1991, got shot and robbed in November of 1994, and infamously, died in a drive-by shooting in 1996.

🌙Moon sextile Venus—The Moon can give insight into our relationship with not just our Mothers, but with all Women in general, while Venus shows us how affectionate, and tactful we can be. When the Moon comes in good contact with Venus, we see somebody that is very charming, nice, and affectionate. Tupac wrote meaningful songs about women, which included : “Brenda’s Got a Baby”, “Dear Mama”, and “Keep Ya Head Up”.

☁️Moon trining Neptune—Moon also shows us how we find emotional comfort and when its in good contact with Neptune, we see a person that finds emotional comfort in creativity and spirituality, so I think this aspect adds to his creativity.

💫Mars conjunct North Node in Aquarius—I think Aquarius is the sign/energy where we start including other people in our “structures”. This is where we start becoming aware of other people’s problems, this is where we start philanthropy, etc. Tupac was socially aware—we know this through songs and interviews. I think Mars conjunct NN in Aquarius is the ultimate aspect of an Activist.

[gudvina]

If you’re still taking requests, how about a one shot of Hayffie watching Katniss and Peeta’s kids for the day? I feel like we need more Hayffie fluff, and shenanigans can ensue of course :)

Soft life

Ship: Effie Trinket/Haymitch Abernathy

Fandom: Hunger Games

Genre: tooth-rotting fluff

Can be read on AO3!

It was still early afternoon when Haymitch woke up from his nap. He had fallen asleep on the couch of his living room, lulled by the gentle spring breeze that swirled in from the open window. He opened his eyes to meet a pair of grey orbs with a lemon-zest mane.

The girl was sitting on the floor with a colouring book and pastels in front of her, an amused smile on her face that strongly resembled her mother’s.

“Hi!” she quipped.

“Robin, what are you doing here?” he moved into a sitting position, groaning when he felt the twinge in his neck. It was a stupid question, anyway. He knew the answer already. The Mellark children had inherited from their parents the bad habit of invading his house, almost as if it was another part of their own. And it was mostly Effie’s fault; she never seemed to be able to say no.

“How silly you are! We came to keep you company, of course. Mommy and Daddy worry an awful looot about you and MaMaw being all alone.” the kid explained, agitating her hands in the air.

Robin was just shy of six and had taken almost completely after her father, preferring her colouring book to more adventurous activities. Everyone adored her, and many parents seemed to envy her sweet temperament.

Nothing could have prepared them for what was coming.

Just a few years prior, Robin started emulating Effie. With her thick District Twelve accent, she used words like “refined” and “preposterous”, developing a keen interest in fashion and intricate fabric designs. Surprisingly, Katniss and Peeta didn’t seem to mind having their own District Twelve diva, even going so far as indulging her wishes whenever it was possible.

“Can’t be too lonely, when it’s the two of us” he snorted, stretching just enough to shake away the tiredness.

The kid shrugged and resumed her activity, and from what he could see she was colouring an elaborate outfit. He deduced the book had been shipped from the Capitol; the trends were a lot more subdued now but still ridiculous to him.

He heard footsteps and looked up to see Effie, walking in with a little Arlow babbling in her arms. Two years old and rambunctious, the boy looked more like his mother than Katniss herself.

“Oh, Grandpapa woke up!” Effie cooed as she sat on the rocking chair, sitting Arlow on her lap. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, and she was wearing a light flowery dress that seemed to be fitting to the current season. Haymitch’s eyes softened as he watched her talk to the boy, making funny baby sounds, and moving her hands to tickle him.

“Grandpapa wonders why we can’t have a nice evening to ourselves, too” he smirked.

“Haymitch, don’t say these things in front of our grandbabies!”

“Babies? That girl will soon manage a clothing line, sweetheart”. He winked at Robin who beamed at his words.

“That she will, that she will!” Effie acquiesced with a proud smile on her face.

“MaMaw, do you think a floral motive would go well with a tartan?”

“A floral and tartan dress? That’s revolutionary darling, I’d wear it!”

“You’d wear a potato sack if pretty enough” he teased, watching as Arlow slowly fell asleep with his head on Effie’s chest. Lucky boy indeed.

“Robin, don’t listen to him, he knows nothing of fashion”.

“Is that why it’s MaMaw who buys your clothes?”

“No, MaMaw buys my clothes because I’m lazy”.

“And because you have no fashion sense”.

“Thank God for that, you’d have a stroke if I was the one setting trends. What would be left for you?”

Her eyes were narrowed into two slits, and he felt an otherworldly urge to kiss her pout away. He would have, sans Arlow and Robin. She seemed to have read his mind and her lips stretched into a smile, one of those only reserved for him.

He would have never thought this could be his life, and he certainly knew she would say the same. Sometimes it still seemed too good to be true. But they had lived together for years, now, and shared a bed every night without fail. Even when their demons screamed. Especially then.

Twelve had been good to them, even to Effie, despite all expectations. At first, it hadn’t been easy. She’d had to adapt to Twelve’s sensibilities and feel comfortable without her wigs and makeup to shield her from the world. And she still never went out without a scarf covering her hair, he and the children were the only ones allowed to see her real hair, the only ones she could be her true self with.

Not everyone had welcomed her with open arms when she’d come, but slowly that worked itself out as well.

If he’d been told this would be his life, a life where he was free, where he and Effie could simply be without problems, he would have probably laughed. Maybe even mocked. It would have been the response of a man who had no hope, it would have been fitting.

Things changed, he mused. Their life now was walks in the meadow, trips to the Hob where they’d bicker about what to buy or not, swims at the lake during warm summer days, and dozing off under the shade of a tree. It was feeding the geese, helping Peeta at the bakery, or accompanying Katniss on her hunting trips.

They had the children, and now Robin and Arlow too. It was a soft life. It was good.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

What I think Violetta and Soy Luna character’s favorite animes are*

*I am only going from animes I myself have seen or are familiar with. I know for a fact that a LOT of animes were popular in Latam that logically the characters should have been familiar with and possibly would have fitted better as their favorite. However, there is a lot of animes I have seen/am familiar with that I know was popular in latam, too (Candy Candy especially). And the ones that weren’t popular there that I bring up… well, let’s just say it was just like with a lot of us, they found it later in life and was like ”omg where has this been all my life” and watched it on a pirate site.

Violetta: Hello! Sandybell. She got very inspired by Sandybell making a garden for her (supposedly) dead mother and she wanted to do it too. She also liked the way Sandybell traveled across Europe, the way she also did.

Luna: Sailor Moon. How can she not, it’s moon themed /j I also think Luna really saw herself in Usagi and appreciated there was a main character that was clumsy, often late, ditzy and didn’t get the best grades just like her, and how despite that still could kick ass and save the world.

Francesca: Lady Oscar. Ok this was kinda inspired by Lodo herself posting a photo with a Lady Oscar T-shirt, and some time later answering an ask about periods with ”think about Lady Oscar! She also had her period under all of those tight suits and armor, and she could still be a badass!”. It was also kinda inspired by me knowing just how fucking popular Lady Oscar was in Italy… but yeah I also feel like Fran was very fascinated with it.

Nina: Candy Candy. I think Nina most of all was fascinated with the history aspects, especially as they reached the WWI parts. But she also loved how Candy seemed to experience so much hardships, and yet still could keep going and be so strong. It felt very inspiring, especially as her parents were fighting in the background. Things will get better.

Camila: Oniisama e. She found this anime when she was a little older, and goes around bragging about how "no one knows about it except for her". She loved how basically every character was a lesbian (at least, they were in her head), and she called them cowards every time they "forced" them into hetero relationships. But she also just loved all the female friendships in general and got slightly annoyed whenever they focused on any boy.

Simón: I think also Sailor Moon, because I think he had a crush on Tuxedo Mask and him and Luna played that they were Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask a lot when they were kids. But, I think he also really liked Pokémon.

Naty: The Moomins anime. As she grew up in Spain, she got the castellano dub and got so surprised when she moved to Argentina and found out there was a latino dub they had there instead. Anyway, she really loved the whole atmosphere and vibes of the moomins and wished she could live in that utopia.

Ámbar: I think as a child she was only allowed to watch Candy Candy, as Sharon had seen it herself as a child and approved of it (I feel like Sharon had a list of pre-approved kids shows and movies Ámbar could watch), but then once she grew older she discovered Revolutionary Girl Utena. And she just fell in love with it. She has rewatched it so many times, always finding new ways to interpret the metaphors and allegories. She also has some deep emotions about and she didn't realize until much later why she felt so strongly about it...

Ludmila: Immediately I'm like... Starzinger... because it's a space adventure. I do not have much else to go from this lmao (because I have not at all properly watched the anime, just random swedubbed clips). However, it also feels like Ludmila's vibe.

Ramiro: He is a big Pokémon boy. I literally imagine him running around the school yard as a kid pretending to be James from Team Rocket. I can see him being into One Piece, too.

Leon: I don't know why, but Digimon. It just seems like his vibe idk.

Jim: Pretty Cure, the first show specifically. I think she always wanted a best friend she could be a magical girl with <3

Diego: Silver Fang. I know this anime was only popular and even translated in very few countries, but I believe Diego managed to find it somehow (maybe a fansubbed version on an old pirate site that no longer exists) and just thought it was the most edgy thing ever. But then he got super scared of bears for years due to it.

Yam: Oh, Revolutionary Girl Utena, but she also has made it her mission to watch every sapphic and sapphic-coded animes ever. She's also a big fan of underrated ones like Oniisama e. She has also specifically only watched season 3 and season 5 of Sailor Moon. So, I think she kind of really switches a favorite, but I believe RGU just hit her the most.

Andres: Hamtaro lmao. No more explanation.

Jazmin: I think Jazmin thought Totally Spies was an anime and no one ever corrected her that it's French-Canadian, so now that's always her answer when asked.

These are all the characters I could come up with something for x)

[marciabrady]

Hi, I really love your crits ❤ but I'm wondering why you dislike Frozen so much? I'm a huuuge fan of Aurora and Mulan myself, and I hate more and more every 3D/live action film and terribly miss 2D animation, but I must say I really loved Frozen (only the first one!!), I saw it together with my sister, who's also my bff, so maybe that's why it appealed to us, there were also some traits we felt like we had in common with these characters... and maybe it's also the thing we didn't see the film with English dub, which didn't the best (totally agreed with your take on K Bell! I'm not a fan of her personally). And I know this movie has a lot of flaws, but at the same time it was really easy for me to ignore them - until F2 I guess, it brought up all of my problems with this franchise lol Anyway, I just wanted to ask - bc I think it can be the problem with all of the new (3D) princesses - aren't they a bit bland? I was thinking about it the other day, what's characteristic for Anna and Elsa and... well, he's extrovert, and the other introvert I guess? And Anna is romantic? But there's no hobby, no distinct personal trait, nothing. On the other hand Rapunzel was briefly shown to can/like literally ALL! You make candles? Play guitar? Sew? Sing? No problem, she's just like you, you can identify with her. And the bland princesses? You can easily project yourself onto them if you will, it's not same they like to, it's say, paint - but it's not said they hate/can't do it either, right? Sorry for my rambling, it's quite late, and I've just finished my weekend Disney Princess movie marathon. Anyway, love your blog and take care xxx

So I wouldn't necessarily say I hate Frozen, I just strongly dislike certain tonal elements to it but I generally don't really think about it because it didn't resonate to me. Frozen to me doesn't really feel like a film but rather a commentary on other films? With all of the "you can't marry a man you just met" lines and how all of the plots that occur were clearly planted in order to combat criticisms of the Disney Princess line: ie them not being active, or physical, or being too naïve, or lovesick which is why I think Anna is treated as a joke pretty much. So I feel like I'm watching a commentary track where this film is retroactively beating up the previous films on which it was based on and whose success made that endeavor possible? And honestly...I think that's what a lot of people like about it. At the time it came out, I never really heard anyone talk about the value of the characters- rather the emphasis was on "Elsa's the first Princess who didn't need a man! She's independent! Unlike the other princesses, she's a BADASS" or them applauding how Hans killed the Prince Charming trope (which I think is largely reductive, and not even inventive as Gaston had accomplished that previously, but I digress). In general, most of the elements people find revolutionary about this film are anything but- this film essentially just takes elements from other films and infuses it with a lot of meta-textual criticism and added in some sparkly magic to divert toddlers. I even read a book about women in animation and the author said that a woman contributed the idea of Anna being gassy (which I hate btw, it's not charming it's uncouth and I don't think men or women should openly act like that lol) and how it was game changing for how women were depicted when Princess Fiona already did that over a decade earlier?

Apart from the elements I mentioned above, as I touched on in my previous response, Kristen Bell's voice gives nothing to me. I don't like how Anna is treated as a joke, I think it's visually very boring, I don't like the 3d design, and I have no object permanence for the plot because it feels like there's just a lot happening to keep people from being bored without any weight behind it. I'm also not a fan of the universe, with the trolls and just none of it makes sense? Like they go through hoops to try to hit us over the head with how strong Elsa and Anna are as female leads and how men are useless but then Elsa runs away from her own kingdom and Anna leaves it to the attention of Hans while she goes off in search of Elsa??? I don't know, it just all isn't for me lol I know a lot of people like it and they're certainly entitled to, I just think it isn't to my taste.

[aronarchy]

nearing the end of S2 of the handmaid’s tale and (have a lot of stress going on rn so not going to go in depth wrt my thoughts about the last few episodes but) i’m thinking back to the canada arc earlier in the season and how the show identified exposés of fascists’ crimes as what is needed to gain progress for freedom movements (i.e. the letters being uploaded being positioned as some sort of great salvation, igniting “new” progress that could not have happened before)

the plot runs on several contradictions—here it’s that (excellent) scene where the Mexican government official admits she knows about the abuse of handmaids but doesn’t value stopping it more than she values reproductive labor extraction; then we pivot to jarring scenes where The Horrors were somehow “unknown,” and if only they (governments/middleclass populace) knew then they would Do Something

and, ???

(and before you complain—no, it wasn’t just a depiction not endorsing; showrunners were clearly playing it straight, and actually believed in that premise as true, as the results came out as a liberal would have predicted—which, in fact, is not how things go down in any sort of real life; they know, they know, they already know, they already know how bad it is, the news has been widely accessible for decades, centuries, and they still don’t care, they start and end with the same values)

while watching I was also reminded of Atwood’s The Testaments (2019 book sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale) which I’d read when I was thirteen or so and I still don’t remember too much about it, but I remember very clearly that that story also hinged strongly on a premise of “she escaped with Evidence and let the govt find out The Truth About The Atrocities which made her a hero who accomplished a downfall” which felt a bit odd to me even then (was in the middle of a lib phase) because, well, wouldn’t they have already known? how could they not already know? why is knowing so transformative? (logic goes, “this new info matters because now they’ll act on it” ← “they were not acting previously, because they didn’t have the info”—requires that they have the power to succeed so long as they try to in the first place.) this is obviously silly, but liberals genuinely believe this, because the truth is perhaps a bit too unpleasant. (also remembering The Testaments’ portrayal of Aunt Lydia, agreeing with her view of herself as legitimately subversive and heroic and ultimately a force for good—and also some of that which the show is slipping in, those scenes w/tears & feels which seem(?) to me to be played straight)

(I found it difficult to believe that the average person would genuinely buy that but also [abuser] sitting next to me watching rained praises on Lydia (“[see?] at the end of the day she’s just human [too]!!”) and also how Atwood and nearly all of the literary media coverage of Testaments (that I’ve found so far) have talked about Lydia (“Deep New Revelations that she’s Just Human and More Nuanced Than We’d Thought!!”) and w/that maybe what I read from the show as insightful critiques of liberal idealism wrt abusers/misogynists (i.e. “see? abusers DO keep abusing after even if they have a few nice moments, this is a great illustration of how the cyclical dynamic/false niceness works, learn from this, abuse bad”) are actually things the show unintentionally stumbled into, because they DO see the world as is, they DO know the violence is there and know the free-marketplace-of-ideas premises are fake, they just don’t think that actually makes it a bad thing)

(developing a cohesively anarchist analysis of feminist struggle over the past few years has clarified a lot of my cog dissonance from earlier days and I’m much angrier now but also a lot clearer)

I’m also thinking about the scenes where ex-US/US government in exile are portrayed as heartwarming, uwu, revolutionary, what we need; similar for the Freedom Liberty Light Hope aesthetics of the refugee introduction to Canada scene and how ultimately the show pinpoints liberal democracy as the freedom/liberation we need, portraying liberalism (allowed to run its course “without interference”/“naturally”/“as it should”) = enough to prevent fascism, nudging the viewer towards embracing “US returns” as what would be A Happy Ending. Consistently handwaving away how liberal states are fascist enablers. That if things simply “go back to how they were” then in another couple decades/centuries you would have yet another hurtle towards fascism because fundamentally liberalism cannot ever be enough to effectively stop the tide. and it makes me sad that bc of the limitations in perspective of these showrunners/authors the stories of the victims/marginalized who “fall through the cracks” (so to speak) (i.e. who prove that halfway-support does fail them, w/ devastating consequences) cannot have the spotlight/be centered.

(waterford visit to canada scene was fucking infuriating, don’t just stand there you know full fucking well he’s going to rape and abuse if he gets home throw some rocks light his fucking car on fire fucking please)

[lidiacervos]

I have the opinion that having a rejected partnership would be very interesting if...

If the woman in question was prohibited from denying and lived in a Court that prevented such questioning.

If the female felt the bond much more than the male in question.

I'm not saying she wouldn't have to deal with the bond and deal with what the bond brings.

But the book makes it clear that the Macho feels more strongly that it takes too long to move on.

I was talking to somebody and I think the problem is not having that pilot in the book, how it's done.

Some are surprised not to be like them who feel tired of having a thousand partnership ties in Acotar.

But the thing is, Elain can refuse, she has freedom, so what questions does rejection bring up if she has no problem rejecting?

Is she going to question a Bond she might reject, does not she even need to talk to Lucien if she wants the whole book?

kind of meaningful questioning would be whether the woman was being forced to accept or lived in an environment that did not accept rejection.

Please forgive my giant ramble, I can’t stop myself😩

So what I’m getting from this is that you think the story of Elain in particular rejecting the bond would be shallow and boring, and be a disservice to the complexities of mating bonds, and I AGREE

The examples you described would definitely be a lot more of a meaningful way to handle a rejection for a main character. I would love to read those and I’m a true fan of the mates trope! Mates are a big deal in SJM books so a rejection would need intense and thoughtful circumstances to go along with it. There are so many possible interesting storylines for a mate rejection that don’t work with how elucien has been set up. Like you said, Elain could reject it right now. There is supposedly nothing between her and Lucien, they never got to know each other. Her sisters and Rhys would protect her decision. For something that Sarah has made out to be such a serious concept, just quickly ending a bond would be odd and unsatisfying to read…especially for those claiming that they desperately want to read about a mate rejection.

If SJM were going to write a rejection(happening in real time because I do think Helion x LoA have one), she’d need to really work for it. She would have to dig deep into that bond lore she’s created and explain the ins and out with a LOT more detail. Because you’re right, we really don’t know much about how rejections or even the bonds themselves work. I kind of don’t see that happening or being a priority yet considering how glossed over the nessian mating bond was(I still have questions).

It would also take lots of page space to flesh a mating rejection all out in a way that makes sense. We know each book will focus on one couple per book, so to spend that much time on a couple that isn’t endgame in a different endgame couple’s book does not sound fun to read or fair to the characters. I suppose she could write a whole book of Elain and Lucien spending time together and breaking their bond, I just doubt that’s the plan.

Could be totally wrong, but I don’t think SJM has used mates in all of her series to display some type of revolutionary storytelling or detail the ramifications of the bond trope. I think she does it because she is a romantic and she wants every character to have a partner with their HEA(look at TOG and how she’s setting up CC), which I completely support and appreciate! So while it’s possible, I think someone else would be more likely to write mate rejections in the exploratory way that is needed and that you described, for now at least. And the people who are sick of mates might be reading the wrong books…

[chellyfishing]

well, i finished the last book i meant to read for the year, and i’ve been wanting to do a lil year in review of all the media from this year, but the main problem is that i don’t log movies/tv anywhere and my memory is uhh?? real bad?? i also definitely didn’t listen to nearly as much new music this year as usual :\\ anyway i figured i’d start with books for now and maybe ponder music/tv/movies/games over the next couple days.

NO i will not include fic even though i definitely did spend like a week recently accidentally reading a 600+k fic for a fandom i’m NOT EVEN IN, i can’t believe i read the whole thing

my storygraph is here

i read fifteen books this year, which makes it my best reading year since 2016, when i inexplicably read 40 in one year?? who is she i gave 5 stars to three of them:

confessions by kanae minato: this is a thriller told from multiple POVs about the supposed accidental death/actual murder of a teacher’s young daughter and the fallout that happens when she reveals she knows the truth. it is hard to root for anyone in this but that’s not really the point. every chapter reframes the original story again and again and again up until the final page so honestly don’t bother making your mind up about anything at any point before then.

the last house on needless street by catriona ward: i feel like explaining almost anything about this book and why i loved it so much would be just one massive spoiler, because its strengths lie in its abilities to subvert. subvert what? kind of... everything? it’s about a man, and his cat, and his daughter. it’s about a woman searching for her missing sister. it’s about illness, and abuse, and a serial killer. trigger warnings abound, especially regarding things happening to children. i don’t really know how to recommend this, except that it’s just Good and i haven’t stopped thinking about it.

you’ve lost a lot of blood by eric larocca: this is the book i just finished. it is very short, you could almost class it as a novella, in fact there is a novella in it? but also other things? i literally just finished it, so i’m still processing, because SO MUCH happens in a very short span of pages. i might reread it quickly because it really does go so fast, you almost don’t have time to breathe. the novella within the novel(la) is told in present-tense, in very short sentences and paragraphs, and you especially fly through those sections. i don’t know at this point if i think the whole thing could have benefitted from being longer or not. i might even change my rating of it later, but i sat for a minute after the last page and felt pretty strongly it was a five-star read so for now i go with my gut. i could feel myself going on a face journey the whole time, from sentence to sentence. it has things to say, in a sort of recursive way, it’s hard to explain. i think what it’s about is art, and also identity. i think i’m going to be thinking about it for awhile.

several other books i read this year probably would have been 5 stars if i was still using goodreads instead of storygraph, like a powerless fool, with the top ones of those being:

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid: you all know this book!!!!! i’m late to the party. there is a lot in here that is so beautiful and compelling. there is something about her writing that i also felt in malibu rising (which i also read this year) that keeps things from being a full five stars from me. i don’t think i can really explain it succinctly. but i was still very moved by this book, i cried a lot, and i do intend to read more by her, because her work is very readable.

piranesi by susanna clarke: i think this is a book that i only didn’t love quite as much as other people because i heard how good it was going in and expected something more revolutionary or life-changing instead of just A Very Good Book. like if i didn’t have any expectations i probably would have finished it and gone “wow!” instead of “oh, that was nice.” it’s about a man who doesn’t know much living almost entirely alone in a place that can’t be real, and what happens when both he and outside forces start to peel away at that reality.

all the feels by olivia dade: this is the sequel to spoiler alert, which i also read and loved this year, but slightly less. both of these books are very wonderful funny wish fulfillment romantic comedies about fat women and gorgeous prestige television star men (the show they’re on is like game of thrones but make it greek myth), they were the kind of thing that i just kind of needed to read at the time. what puts this one slightly ahead of its predecessor for me is that most of the conflict comes from the characters not being able to get out of their own way and sort of having to learn how to grow and be better people both for themselves and each other. i also just liked their romantic dynamic a bit more and i think anybody who is familiar with both pairs and also me would be like “yeah that tracks.” there’s a third book in the universe featuring a very minor background couple from the first two coming out soon!! ready for it!!

and the other good to very good things i read:

the ghost bride by yangsze choo (4.5): this book is set in 19th century malaysia and is about colonial chinese families (the author herself being chinese-malaysian). it’s about a woman whose family is Respectable but in a precarious position, and so naturally that means hoping for an Advantageous Marriage. there’s a man she loves, but he’s out of reach, and then his family proposes the idea of her marrying... that man’s dead cousin? which she’s not into (for whatever reason). but then he starts haunting her, and she has to figure out how to get him off her back so she can actually live her damn life. it’s very cute and fun and adventurous and sweet and romantic. it’s also a series on netflix which is somewhat faithful, it changes some things for the better and some things for less so, i enjoyed it though! the dead man, who is a limp weirdo in the book, is kind of a banger character in the series (i mean, still a weirdo, but with killer fashion sense).

the bright spear trilogy by hl macfarlane (all 3.75): these are three books classed as “gothic scottish fairy tales.” in terms of writing they are very light and frothy, kind of romantic drama with a fairy tale backdrop. there’s a bit more plot in the first one but things gradually become more about the relationship drama as things progress. slight spoiler but absolutely approve of the heroine having two handsome suitors and deciding she will keep both. they aren’t amazing books overall but they were fun fast reads and i honestly appreciate them being kind of just lightly poly. the third book is... unexpectedly dark? like trigger warnings for SA among some other things. things never get truly grim but after i read it i was like oh yeah that was kind of a lot wasn’t it, if you think about it. the author has promised a sequel series about the child character born at the end and... yeah. yeah i’m gonna read it.

malibu rising by taylor jenkins reid (4.5): another book in the taylor jenkins reidiverse, about the family of a minor evelyn hugo character. he’s a rock star, he’s got a wife who’s been with him from before he Made It, they’ve got kids who love to surf. the action focuses on the kids, taking place over one night, with flashbacks filling in the stories of their parents, and how actually, their dad kinda sucks. this is a lighter read than evelyn hugo but deals with similar ideas and themes.

penpal by dathan auerbach (4.25): this is kind of a famous no sleep/reddit horror story that was published as a novel. it’s about a man who’s reflecting on his childhood, putting together a lot of seemingly disparate, out-of-order events to form a truly disturbing narrative. the most important thing about this book that you should know is that it’s a bummer. you won’t walk away from this one feeling very good about anything. the pacing is kind of slow as things build over time and then A Lot happens in the last bit and then you just kind of have to live with it.

neverworld wake by marisha pessl (3.5): this was easily the most disappointing book i read this year. it’s about a group of friends who are stuck in purgatory reliving the same day over and over again, and it’s also about their friend who died a year ago and what happened to him. i... don’t really know what to say about this book. it wasn’t bad, obviously. maybe i just don’t get it. i don’t know what it was trying to say. i don’t know what i was supposed to feel. but i wasn’t feeling conflicted in the way i was with something like, say, confessions. it was just kind of like, “...okay? and?”

spoiler alert by olivia dade (4.25): as mentioned above.

autumn of the grimoire by jl vampa (4.0): listen... i read this because it’s arranged marriage. more broadly it’s about four sisters who are like, seasonal witches, and they pass around a grimoire from season to season that gives them tasks passed down by their predecessors. our protagonist is sister autumn and she always gets the absolutely worst most grim and traumatic tasks, and now she’s inexplicably being forced to marry Some Guy. the thing that i liked the least about this book is how it was told from different viewpoints of characters who have different amounts of knowledge but the reader is constantly being kept in the dark for no real reason, like, we weren’t learning with the characters, the characters already knew!! we were just being teased with constant reminders about how there’s More Going On, which is so tedious to me. “had i but known” and related writing tropes are among my least favorites. also, i knew it was going to be het, but there was a teeny tiny part of me that thought maybe the male half of the marriage was already in a relationship with another man and he and his wife were just going to end up bffs and i read like half the book through that lens and it took quite awhile before the book reached a point where i could no longer pretend that made sense. i recommend trying this anyway because if the author is going to repeatedly remind me there are things i don’t know it’s my right as a free american to pretend the thing i don’t know is gay. overall in spite of all that there are some fun characters, and some fun plot twists! i didn’t expect it to end how it did and i’m actually kind of looking forward to reading more in the series when they come out!

i didn’t read any books i hated this year, which was nice!! i think i read more 5 stars last year but i also read some real duds too. the “worst” was just being disappointed by

neverworld wake

.

i started so many others but i don’t consider any of them DNFs becaaaaause i start books all the time and put them down and it has nothing to do with the book and everything to do with the fact that i have a squirrel brain and reading is so so hard. hopefully i’ll finish some of them next year?? i don’t think anything i read this year was an aborted attempt from last year tho sooooo idk. i wish my brain was better but i still consider this a pretty good reading year overall!

[aniy2k]

Riot Grrrl, Kinderwhore, and White Feminism

Riot Grrrl was an underground feminist movement that began in the early 90s. It was tied to the punk music scene, radical politics and DIY. It started originally with a Zine by Tobi Vai named Jigsaw in 1988 that expressed and spread radical politics and feminism. Vail later on decided to start a band by the name Bikini Kill. 

For most ‘Styles’, people don't even bother looking at the history of where it came from originally, so why is it important? 

While part of Alternative culture is Fashion and a way to express yourself that's against societal norms, there is alot of political significance that comes with it. When talking about it, Riot Grrrl tik tok creators, and other Alternative creators, say the political significance is based on what the subcultures are. Without that, you cannot be a part of the subculture. Obviously there are alot of conservatives in the scene (As you can see from the usage of lace code) Some complain and say that it's “gatekeeping”, but in my opinion, it's honestly… not. This isn’t the same as someone taking a popular music artist, then saying “You don't know this song? Ur fake lolz”.. This is separating mindsets that Alternative people strongly believe in and instead protecting a community that is supposed to be a safe place.

The Riot Grrrl movement provided a space where women in punk music tackled the conflict of inequality and sexism, and decided to fight it, united and organized.

Kathleen Hanna, Bikini Kills lead singer, ended up writing the “Riot Grrrl Manifesto” in 1991, which is a summary of what Riot Grrrl is and what it means to be a part of it. 

Summary: 

“ BECAUSE us girls crave records and books and fanzines that speak to US that WE feel included in and can understand in our own ways.

BECAUSE we wanna make it easier for girls to see/hear each other's work so that we can share strategies and criticize-applaud each other.

BECAUSE we must take over the means of production in order to create our own meanings.

BECAUSE viewing our work as being connected to our girlfriends-politics-real lives is essential if we are gonna figure out how we are doing impacts, reflects, perpetuates, or DISRUPTS the status quo.

BECAUSE we recognize fantasies of Instant Macho Gun Revolution as impractical lies meant to keep us simply dreaming instead of becoming our dreams AND THUS seek to create revolution in our own lives every single day by envisioning and creating alternatives to the bullshit christian capitalist way of doing things.

BECAUSE we are unwilling to let our real and valid anger be diffused and/or turned against us via the internalization of sexism as witnessed in girl/girl jealousy and self defeating girltype behaviors.

BECAUSE I believe with my wholeheartmindbody that girls constitute a revolutionary soul force that can, and will change the world for real.”

I’m not personally too much of a fan of how Kathleen Hannah ended up seeming like the regular ol’ white feminist that basically put WOC in the shadows within this whole movement. While this piece is about educating about the power that the Riot Grrrl scene had within punk culture, it has many many faults. The diversity within the scene isn’t there. It seemed to be a feminst movement, but only showcased one type of girl. White girls. 

Multiple black punks from that era came out and said that they felt that the riot grrrl scene wasn't for them. Honestly? I don’t blame them. You look up Riot Grrrl on pinterest or on tumblr, you can probably count on your one hand how many POC women are showcased.. This moment for women of color is probably the epitome of White feminism in some cases. Author, Gabby Bess, adds that “The history of Riot Grrrl is inevitably written as "predominately white," glossing over the contributions of black women and other women of color”.

Just like the article from VICE states, 

“In contrast to this ironclad narrative of the white Riot Grrrl, black women did participate in the movement. Few and far between, maybe, but they participated nonetheless, and they deserve more than to be swept under a rug of whiteness--These women carved their own feminist pathways into the hardcore scene, precisely because they were rendered invisible by the Riot Grrrl movement.”

One very powerful punk from that time, Ramdasha Bikceem, made up a whole Zine when they  were 15, that illustrates the conversation of race and gender in Riot Grrrl so perfectly 

This would all result in another black punk from that time, Tamar-Kali Brown, to make her own movement called “Sista Grrrl riot”. Out of all of the information that is circulated about the Riot Grrrl scene, Sista Grrrl Riot was probably one of its least talked about movements. Tamir-Kali Brown and her bandmates brought together a community and showed people a version of themselves on a stage where they weren’t represented.

> Kinderwhore 

Kinderwhore is a very popular style within the RiotGrrrl community. A lot of people Champion Hole lead singer, Courtney Love, for this style's popularity, but actually her bandmate Kat Bjelland introduced the style first. Though, with that being said, Courtney Love definitely made Kinderwhore one of many staple styles for the Riot Grrrl Subculture. 

What is Kinderwhore exactly? One thing about styles like this one is, there isn’t a specific definition to what it is. It was a bold, punk and sophisticated subversion of the classic "girl" stereotype, with a mini-feminine dress and bold makeup. The great part of the Kinderwhore Style is that it was about power. The power of femininity. It was so much more than just a style that included small dresses and mary janes. It was taking the most “fragile” feminine image and making it into something that is punk, and that takes all of the power back. 

Another part of Riot Grrrl fashion is just a subversion of regular punk fashion. DIY, big boots, Plaid, Skirts, Spikes. 

The idea of taking every inch of femininity that men manipulate and instead using it to make them realize that they can't handle what we are, is such a powerful thing to me as a fashion lover, but also as an aspiring social activist. As the rise of social media attention of Alternative Subcultures continues, I believe the next generation of Riot Grrls are going to kick butt and be more inclusive than the 90s scene was.

ani ok.

pls give me feedback and for those who obv have more education abt this pls give me feedback as well!! i think this is super interesting and enjoyed researching this <3

[books-and-cookies]

Best lines from “Death to 2020″

(Death to 2020 is a comedy on Netflix, that came out on December 27th)

* “fire, a radicalized, angry form of air”

* “Davos [summit] is basically Coachella for billionaires”

* “[Greta Thunberg] is this teenage girl who’d become famous even though everything she says is depressing. Kind of Like Billie Eilish”

* “The U.S. president was facing an impeachment trial, which is a traditional ceremony that Americans perform to work whether their president has gone off.”

* “What Trump needed was a distraction, either something big, like a goose flying through the window, or something small, like World War 3″

* about the Iranian general, Soleimani: “the Beyonce of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard”

* the queen about Meghan and Harry: “Sadly, I believe they felt there is a degree of prejudice in Britain. Which is why they moved to America, where race has never been an issue at all.”

* about the “diversity” of Oscar nominees: “You got Marriage Story, two mopey white people trapped in an affluent marriage; Ford v. Ferrari, that’s white guys on wheels; Little Women, four white girls standing on the cusp of Karenhood; and Joker, whose lead actor performs in whiteface, thereby appropriating his own cultural identity while denying a role for a genuine clown. Oh and 1917, which was the year the movie was set, and the number of white people in it”

* “so, the democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine into digging up dirt on the Biden family and their only real “evidence” of that is a transcript of him doing it”

* “I think to many Americans, Biden is uncle Joe. He’s been a part of their lives for centuries. As familiar as an old armchair, and nearly as sharp-witted.”

* about the beginning of the pandemic: “now, those who’ve closely studied the history books, knew that this was strongly reminiscent of the time the White Walkers led their army of the dead towards the warring factions of Westeros”

* about Tom Hanks being infected with the virus: “it showed the virus could also pass from humans to icons, which raised the possibility it may one day infect God. And God is older than the universe, which puts him in a high risk category”

* "across the USA, supplies of masks, which, unlike guns, cannot be cheaply and easily manufactured, run low”

* “Trump seemed to feel that the virus was one of those things that goes away if you ignore it, like a wasp or a wife”

* “by the end of March, lockdowns have been rolled out right across the planet, making them the most successful global franchise since the Marvel cinematic universe”

* “the monarch only addresses the nation on special occasions, such as christmas or the end of the world, so this was a huge moment”

* about Boris Johnson recovering from covid: “Incredibly, the virus didn’t seem to have affected his abilities in any way. He still didn’t have any.”

* “That ought to be the number one sales feature for the iPhone. Fuck your “Megapixel Display”. How about put “Exposes Police Brutality” on the box?”

* “The president skilfully placates the situation with some soothing incendiary comments, and in Washington, he orders peaceful demonstrators to be gently dispersed with some courteous state violence”. 

* “You had corporations going woke too, asking themselves how can they support Black people without actually paying them.”

* “I live on my own and after a while I got so lonely, I developed a multiple personality disorder on purpose, so I could keep myself company. But then, of course, I had to try and keep two meters away from myself at all times. Don’t know if you’ve ever tried doing that, but it’s a bloody nightmare”

* “Also, there were questions about his fitness to govern, in part because of the way he had to drink a glass of water using both hands, but mainly because of everything else he did”

* “But then I got into this show called America, which was amazing. Have you seen it? It’s on the news channel. It’s totally mental. Just one twist after another. They had this sort of election fight happening between a bloke who looked like a ticket inspector on a ghost train and an inflatable orange maniac who didn’t seem to be dealing with the plague.”

* “And then the debate started and straightaway it was like a rap battle in a senior home. But worse.”; “I’d say it was a trainwreck and a shitshow, but that would be unfair to trains and shit.”

* “Following the debate, the only positive news for Trump is his coronavirus test result”

* “all eyes turn to the crucial state of Pennsylvania, where Trump has been on a winning streak. Until officials stubbornly insist on counting Biden’s votes too.”

* “Mr. Trump doesn’t know the meaning of the word “concede” and he was furious when they told him.”

* “No 5G vaccine for me, thank you very much. It’s made in a laboratory. And you shouldn’t trust anything that’s not natural. I read about it on Facebook.”

Please, please watch this, it’s fucking hilarious.

[pumpkinpaix]

Want a *really* unpopular opinion? I not only *liked* the Incense Burner extras but found them sexy, as a portrayal of two dorks using potentially dangerous magical R&D as a tool for exploring their past feelings and history and negotiating consent by trial and error and error and error.

ANON YOU FUCKING GET IT | STRONGLY AGREE | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

slams hands on table  C O R R E C T

you know what, i’ll do you one better, not only did i like them and find them sexy, i ALSO found them extremely meaningful and important!! i will defend the incense burners unto death, you can pry them from my cold dead hands!!!!

not to get super emo and personal about like, kinda silly smut, but you know what, it’s that kind of night so let’s GO oversharing time, and maybe it will help someone along the way!!! isn’t that what vulnerability is for!!!!

i don’t know if it’s common knowledge that i have ocd -- i haven’t made a secret of it or anything -- but: i suffer from pretty terrible intrusive thoughts and when you add that together with intense moral scrupulosity issues + a complicated relationship to shame and sex, you get some pretty rough thoughtcrime, self-hatred, and sex-related neuroses. i was so completely horrified by the idea of wanting sex that I thought i was ace for like, the better part of my teen years. i’m really grateful to the ace spaces i was lucky enough to find in that time because they gave me a place to feel safe while I was still figuring shit out, and I still feel a lot of kinship with them because even if i’m not ace, sex is still Difficult for me as a concept and aspec people Get It.

together with just my generally really fucked up thoughts, plus the rise of purity culture etc, i have A Lot of fear about my inner self being perceived because there’s a part of me that is convinced that if anyone really knew me, they’d find me disgusting, that they’d think i was a genuinely bad and dirty person beyond redemption. that no matter how hard i tried to be good, i was doomed to fail because there was something wrong with me internally and inherently. that like, no matter how kind or helpful or dutiful or accomplished or smart or thoughtful i tried to be, it wouldn’t make a difference!!!

im getting over it lol don’t worry

but the point is: the incense burners, especially the one in the library, really embody the ultimate fantasy of a person you love seeing your most shameful thoughts and desires and not only NOT abandoning you, but saying “oh shit, that’s hot”. can you understand the palpable relief of that!!!! ;A; and!! to take it one step further, it’s not even a big deal! wei wuxian laughs and is like ohohoho?? hanguang-jun? like this secret that lan wangji was carrying and fearing was just like. kinda cute and funny. that there was nothing to fear at all.

screams into my hands

i joke about being shuangbi kin all the time, except like, it isn’t a joke. the moment when wei wuxian notices that lan wangji is tense, when lan wangji says, “stop looking,” and tries to leave -- idk i just. i felt for him so hard there. stop looking at me. what if you don’t like what you see?

but wei wuxian does like it! and wei wuxian doesn’t think any worse of lan wangji, doesn’t think he’s fallen or disgraceful. lan wangji is still lan wangji, still hanguang-jun, still upright, still 雅正. and the narrative does the same: it never implies that lan wangji is any less of a good person because of this. it’s just an inside joke for the other extras: that lan wangji looks like the sort of person who’s a perpetual virgin because that’s what people expect from someone of his character and demeanor, but he isn’t.

i can’t like. begin to explain how much i treasure this dumb smut. it’s not the best smut i’ve ever read, not by a long shot, but it’s not anywhere near as terrible as a lot of people make it out to be. just. i got to read this thing. where a character i already identified with had his fucked up thoughts about sex perceived and accepted and loved, and it was a character who looked and sounded and thought like me!! down to the obsession with rules and fairness. a chinese character!!! and someone the narrative pretty consistently positions as a sympathetic and lovable person!! mdzs was my first danmei, so it’s entirely possible this isn’t revolutionary whatsoever. maybe this is a super common trope! idk! but it was really revelatory to me. that these really intensely complicated characters we’ve just spent like 500k learning about and falling in love with are also weird kinky dumbasses who don’t know shit. and that both can be true! and that’s presented as a fun, delightful thing! god!!!! i care them! i am so grateful to mxtx for it, regardless of anything else, i am grateful that she gave me this.

anyways, thanks for giving me this outlet anon and also like, letting me experience a version of that relief: oh i’m not alone!

(ko-fi)

🍵 ((un)popular) opinions meme

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Asters

A/N: This is another teaser for Recall, and that’s really all I can say about that. Sorry I’m being so vague when it comes to this story, but hopefully when it’s finished you will understand why that had to be the case. Anywho- this also takes care of Day 10 from the September Prompt list. 

Catch up on the first teaser for Recall here- Classified. 

Prompt: Wildflowers

Warnings: discussion of injury, death, loss, trauma, pain, needles, this is angsty 😬

WC: 1.3k 

Like always, it started with an apology. 

“I’m sorry to have to do this to you, Jack.” 

Before he had time to ask what it was that called for preemptive contrition, the lab coated tech thrust an old polaroid photo into his hand, the top edge slightly bent. Who is… A beautiful young woman with long dark hair hanging over her shoulders in waves and big, bright eyes smiled up at him. “Who’s this pretty lady?” And where is she, ‘cause I’d like to- 

The tech swallowed hard and blurted out an answer, face still contorted in remorse. “She’s dead, Jack.”

Like always, it knocked the air from his lungs. 

Images spun through his mind like bullets in the chamber of his pistol, things clicking painfully into place in his memory. Click, click- A file full of classified documents. Click, click- A searing sensation at his temple and the deafening crack of a gunshot. Click- A solo mission gone sideways, a flash of wild electric blue and the feeling of being too late. Click, click, click- A female voice, familiar and soft. Click-  “Hi honey…” Click, click- A deep ache, shredding through his chest to leave him empty. Click, click, click- He sucked a breath in as the onslaught came to an end, eyes screwed so tightly shut he could see spots floating through the darkness. Click. 

My wife. My...she’s… Pressing a palm to his forehead, he steadied himself and opened his eyes, glancing down at the picture pinched between his shaking fingers. The love of my life. Bringing it to his lips, he pressed them against the glossy surface. She’s gone. When he looked back up at the tech, his confusion had cleared, though the hollowness in his heart remained. They killed her.        

“Welcome back, Agent Whiskey.” 

Like always, the tech would release a sigh of relief, glad to know that the process had worked.

Resets were never easy for anyone involved. Even though the Alpha-Gel was a revolutionary advancement in medicine, and the nanite technology used in the lab was essentially fool proof when it came to repairing brain damage, restoring memory- and therefore restoring an agent’s training, all of the classified information they had knowledge to, any enemy intelligence they may have secured- was never entirely guaranteed even if everything went the way it was supposed to. There was always the chance that a reset would take longer than expected to kickstart, always the chance that it wouldn’t take at all or that it would misfire, making the agent violent and unpredictable.  

Each operative had their own personal trigger, something that they could identify with so strongly that no matter how much brain damage they had incurred in the field, they would remember exactly who they were and all of the choices that they made and things that had happened to them leading up to the split second that their injury had occurred. For some agents it was something as simple as engaging them in a hobby or pastime that they were particularly fond of. For others it was a song or an article of clothing, something that only they would be able to use as an anchor in reality. 

For Agent Whiskey, it was the last photo he’d taken of his wife. His pregnant wife. 

There was nothing else even remotely as strong, nothing else that would serve as a better tether to his old life, a better reminder of why he had become a Statesman agent to begin with, than that photo- nothing stronger than his love for her. In the aftermath of her untimely death he had sunken to the absolute lowest point in his life. He had known the most pure and true love, had devoted himself to his family, and had suffered the most extreme loss that any man could endure when he’d had it all ripped from his hands. There was not a single thing, high or low, that had been more impactful in his life.  

“I’m sorry sir, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” 

There had been an apology then, too, when the police officers who had arrived at the scene relayed the news to him. When they sat him down and explained to him that his wife had gone out to the store and that on her way, she’d become an unfortunate victim of a drug-related shooting. He was told that she was caught in the crossfire, that she’d been killed instantly; she and their unborn child. 

My little boy. 

Welcome back, indeed. Welcome back to reliving everything you’ve lost, Jack Daniels. Welcome back to all the hurt and the guilt, the hate and the rage, the heartache and the longing that will never, ever go away. Welcome back, Senior Agent Whiskey, time to do your job. 

Jack handed the photo back then, watching as the tech who had handed it to him slipped it back into the folder it had been pulled from. His stomach turned, a bitter taste coating his tongue as he got the distinct feeling that this had all happened before, and that it would happen again. But that’s what I signed up for with all’a this. He brought two fingers up to the side of his head where in his restored memory he’d felt the burning bite of a gunshot, feeling the cushion of an adhesively applied bandage. Headshots and all. He listened to the tech as they told him where to go for his debriefing, when to return for a checkup on his cognition, and how long protocol dictated he would be sidelined for. 

Two days. A bullet to the brain, his vital organs all forced into stasis, his memory entirely restored and his heart re-broken. All of that had bought him two days of rest, and almost immediately as he left the medical facility at headquarters, an idea formed in his mind that only grew more solid with every step he took. 

He wanted something other than the photo in his file to remember his wife by, something that he could carry with him at all times. Something that was as much a part of him as she was, she and the son he never got to meet.

Jack Daniels never pictured himself with tattoos, and he doubted that he would be adding any more after this one, but as he walked into the shop and laid down on the bench, he knew that he was making the right choice. In addition to the blitz of images that had rushed through his memory when he focused on his trigger photo, there had been a word repeated in the background. 

Aster. 

Her favorite flower. Wild and free. Symbolic of lifelong devotion. 

The needle buzzed as the artist brought her latex gloved hand to his chest. “Sorry if this hurts,” she said, pausing before she touched the device to his skin, “though you look pretty tough, cowboy.” 

“S’alright if it does, sugar,” he told her, resting one arm behind his head. “Let’r rip.” 

She nodded and within seconds Jack felt the scratch of the needle as it made contact, pushing black ink into his skin. A mirror had been set up so that he could watch the process, and Jack never took his eyes off of the place where she worked in silence until she finally swiped her cloth over it one more time, revealing a cluster of three asters- one for his wife, one for his son, and one for the man he never got to be for either of them. 

“So?” The artist sat back as he inspected her work. “What’da you think?” 

He tracked a single drop of blood as it mingled with excess ink, trickling down the black and gray stems of the flowers and cleared his throat. “S’perfect.” 

..  ..  ..  ..  

“Sorry, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Jack, that’s a really personal question and I-” 

He grabbed your hand and placed it over the long healed tattoo on his chest. “No,” he said, flattening your palm over the blossoms. “I...I do wanna tell you.” He licked his lips and sighed out your name as he felt your body relax into his own. “I wanna tell you everything.”  

.

.

.

Thank you for reading! Again, this is just a teaser for the Whiskey i’m distilling so if you have any questions or you would like to be tagged in this one, please let me know!

Tags: @something-tofightfor @alraedesigns @paracosmenthusiast @cannedsoupsucks @pheedraws @dihra-vesa @disgruntledspacedad @littlemisspascal  @hellovanessax

[herinsectreflection]

The Inherent Queerness of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I don’t think it’s any secret that Buffy is extremely popular among LGBTQ people. I couldn’t find any demographic statistics to back this up, but I feel it’s pretty self-evident. Just from having been in the fandom for over a decade, it has always felt like a more queer-dominated space than many other fandoms. Two of the biggest Buffy podcasts out there are helmed by two queer women and a gay man respectively. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you, reading this right now, are some manner of queer, and I bet I’d be right at least half the time. And I think this is for good reason. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is, at its core, an intensely queer show.

Now, I don’t mean just in regards to the representation, but let’s get that out of the way. The early years had Larry and pretty heavy subtext with Faith. Then S4 hits, and we get Willow’s coming out and Tara’s introduction. S5 gives us their first on-screen kiss - the first lesbian kiss on the network. S6 gives us more overt sexual intimacy between Willow and Tara, and S7 adds Kennedy and Andrew into the mix. 

There are some ~problematic~ elements to the representation of almost all of these characters. Larry employs the trope of “homophobe/misogynist is only that way because they’re secretly gay”, and is later killed off. Faith’s seduction of Buffy is simultaneously a “seduction to the dark side” of hedonism and selfishness and also a literal seduction, which binds her implied bisexuality to her villainism. Tara and Willow’s relationship is aggressively chaste compared to the other heterosexual couples on the show, and Tara’s death is very much a Bury Your Gays moment. Andrew’s sexuality is almost exclusively limited to jokes. There are no trans, ace, or explicitly bisexual people.

And this isn’t just looking back from 2021 and saying this, as if people didn’t know any better. Queer people have been pointing this out for decades. We didn’t have the same cultural awareness and vocabulary surround Bury Your Gays back in 2002, but people were absolutely aware of the disproportionate killing off of queer characters, and they talked about it in regards to Buffy. 

But, in the same way that you can’t judge a Jane Austen novel by the feminist standards of 2021 you can’t really judge a show from 1997 by the same standards as you would judge a show that aired today. That way leads madness, and ignores how these pieces of media pushed hard against the progressive boundaries of their own time. The Willow/Tara romance was huge. It can’t be overstated how revolutionary it was to not only have a proudly lesbian main character, have a same-sex couple treated with the same respect and seriousness as the opposite-sex couples. They got to kiss less, but the creators fought ferociously for every bit of physical intimacy we did get. Even Tara’s death was its own kind of respect, given how Whedon ends literally every other couple throughout his career in similar tragedy. 

This is all a roundabout way of saying that the queer representation in Buffy is both exceptional, brilliant, and also aggressively flawed and insufficient. So while having this representation is a big appeal to queer viewers, I don’t think it wholly explains why Buffy specifically has such staying powers, means so much to many queer people, and continues to appeal so strongly to new and younger viewers today, even though many current shows have better or at least as good queer representation. It would not be enough for the show to simply have queer characters. Rather, the show has staying power because it is a queer show at its core.

Buffy Summers is a queer character from the get-go. I don’t mean that she is canonically queer; I personally read her as bisexual, and the comics have her in a brief relationship with a woman, but looking at the show in isolation and its explicit statements, Buffy Summers is not confirmed as anything other than straight. But what she is, when the show starts, is a teenage girl who has recently discovered that she is different. She is grappling, partially in denial, with a part of herself that she is forced to keep secret. She didn’t choose it, and it totally upends the “normal” all-American life that she thought she was going to have. All of this is a very non-normative, very queer experience.

It’s not just having a secret identity that makes this feel gay. I’m sure there are people out there who have done excellent queer readings of Superman or Batman, but Clark Kent does not stand out as a queer icon in the same way that Buffy Summers does. Most versions of Superman evoke the immigrant and Jewish experiences more - being a story about a man with an ethnic background different to the people around him. But Buffy’s story is about a girl whose own perception of herself and her future is radically changed in adolescence. She is not a secret child of an ancient race known as Slayers. She is just like everyone around her, but in one specific way very different, and that changes her whole outlook. This is not a universal  for queer people during adolescence, but it is an extremely common one.

Buffy’s secret identity is purposefully linked to queerness through dialogue too. Her “coming out” as a Slayer to Joyce in Becoming is the most clear and obvious in this regard. “Honey, a-are you sure you're a Vampire Slayer?” “I-I mean, have you tried *not* being a Slayer?” “It's because you didn't have a strong father figure, isn't it?”

This is not an isolated example, and there are many other moments throughout the show (“I've tried to march in The Slayer Pride Parade” in Dead Man’s Party being perhaps the most on-the-nose use of the allegory) that reinforce this correspondence of being a Slayer and being a Gay. And so queerness becomes baked right in with the premise of the show. Buffy’s experience of being a powerful Slayer while also being hidden and powerless as a teenager, is the experience of being gay and also an invisible and powerless teenager.

If there’s one theme that’s constant with Buffy Summers, it’s the theme of isolation. She is apart from the world in many different ways. She is forced to exist outside of mainstream society because of their refusal to acknowledge a world that very clearly and obviously exists. She feels disconnected from her closest friends, because despite their love for her they cannot understand the specific and unique stresses she is under. And she is dissociated from herself, because of her depression and desire to perform a competency she feels she lacks. Her life is inherently unconventional, and that pushes a girl who already feels alone to a more isolated place, more and more as time goes on.

Being a queer teenager is a profoundly isolating ordeal. To get personal for a moment - I am a bisexual trans girl who grew up in a small town in the 90s and 00s. “Gay” was used universally as a synonym for “shitty”, sitcoms used gay panic as a punchline every other episode, Ace Ventura existed. I knew no out queer people in real life, and any non-straight person in any piece of media was viewed as controversial at best, and more commonly as a dangerous attempt to pervert children’s minds and turn them all into Satanists. My teenage years were a hellish spiral of repression, suicidal ideation, and depression. That’s not a sob story, it’s just how it was. The important part is that it was at this period of my life, that I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

To say that this show was important to me would be an understatement. It spoke to me at a time that I was unable to speak truthfully to anyone. I felt understood by this show in a way that I knew nobody in my life would’ve understood me. It was a friend, telling me that I wasn’t the only one who felt like this, and that I could get through it. Sure, that’s not an entirely healthy relationship to a piece of media, but hey, I was not in a healthy mental state. I do genuinely wonder if I would be alive today if I hadn’t found this show. And importantly, my story is not remotely unique or special. I’ve spoken to many other people who have felt similarly, who have felt the show speaks to them on a fundamental level, and have used it to get through difficult times. This series has that power.

I think what Buffy captured so well was the gap between knowledge and communication. The haunting chasm between what you know in your head and what you are capable of saying out loud. She wasn’t just resistant to sharing her secret identity to keep her loved ones secret, she also just lacked the vocabulary to articulate her situation. There is no guidebook to coming out, whether as gay or as a vampire slayer. There was a consistent and conspicuous silence when Buffy interacted with anyone outside her circle, who she wasn’t “out” to. Every adult and authority figure not tied to the supernatural spoke to her with assumed wisdom. Everyone from the spiteful little tyrants like Snyder to the more well-meaning Joyce, they all spoke with a crushing confidence that they totally understood what Buffy was going through, when the reality was that they were totally, woefully ignorant of the reality in front of them. Joyce spoke to Buffy assuming she was a “normal” teenager with the same misplaced confidence she spoke to Willow and Tara with when she assumed they were straight in Buffy vs Dracula. Buffy has a unique interest in those tiny tragedies that stems from these gaps in communication.

Buffy: Mom, that's the last thing that I want, too. I'm trying, I really am. I just... I have a lot of pressure on me right now.  Joyce (patronisingly): Wait till you get a job. Sleep tight.  Buffy (to herself, looking at her hidden stash of gay magazines stakes and holy water): I have a job. - 2x02, School Hard

Importantly, in the case of Joyce and the occasional friendly teacher Buffy would have, this was not out of malice, but due to them just simply not having any consideration towards anything outside their existing frame of reference. There are sadly many queer people out there who suffer with exceedingly shit parents that are more like Tara’s dad, but I think a lot of queer people’s parental experience is closer to Joyce - the straight mother who’s never known any queer person in their entire life, and are totally Not Against That Kind Of Thing, but are shocked that their own child could be anything other than straight. As Buffy and Joyce’s relationship develops, it continues to evoke this idea of a clueless parent trying to understand their child’s “unique lifestyle”, while said child is just too exhausted to be a full-time educator on the subject. Buffy: Mom, what are you doing here? Joyce: I brought you a snack. I thought it was about time for me to come out and watch. Y-you know, the slaying. Buffy: You know, the slaying is kind of an alone thing. Joyce: But it's such a big part of your life, and I'd like to understand it. It's, um, you know, something we could share. Buffy: A-actually, it's pretty dull, you know, it's (distracted) bam boom stick... poof. - 3x11, Gingerbread

And though this repeated tableau is most prevalent in the early seasons, when Buffy is hiding from her mother, it reoccurs throughout the show. Everyone from university lecturers to fast food managers to social workers make assumptions and tiny judgements based on absurdly incomplete information, and Buffy constantly has to tread this line of explaining herself in a socially acceptable way

It’s not just authority figures that Buffy has to hide her Big Secret from, it’s also her peers. Although they show her appreciation in The Prom, for most of the first three seasons, Buffy’s classmates regard her as kind of a freak - a weirdo, an outsider. A whole load of rumours surround her, and Conversations With Dead People confirms even that this included rumours about her sexuality. The only people who she can be comfortable around are the small, tight-knit group of fellow outcasts that she is out to. Said group is made up mostly of other supernatural-adjacent people - a witch, a werewolf, a watcher - who all have different experiences but can understand each other in a way that “normal” people can’t - in the same way that queer kids in real life will gravitate towards each other for solidarity.

Willow and Xander are pretty queer characters in their own regard, and not just because Willow is later confirmed as a lesbian (and a coming out story for Xander was also considered by the writers). In much the same way as Buffy, they are outcasts with difficult relationships with their parents, who find comfort in this small group of similarly misfit people. Just the act of being non-normative and unpopular is kind of inherently queer. Giles in this metaphor takes the form of an elder gay; a man with much more knowledge and experience with the supernatural/queer world, who takes these younger gays under his wing. Cordelia’s S2 arc, realising she is attracted to someone she never thought she would be and losing her old friends because of that, is its own kind of coming out story.

But Buffy is the main character and she is the main catalyst for this queer vision of the show. And you can look at Buffy herself as queer. I mentioned earlier that I personally read Buffy Summers as bisexual, and while that is obviously part personal projection and convenient for my shipping preferences, I think it’s an interpretation that is backed up by parts of the text. Her relationship with Faith is one that plays out very much like an actual fling - subtext that was confirmed by multiple writers and actors as being very intentional. The Faith arc in S3 is structured in a very similar way to the Angel arc of S2 - as a tragic romance, and stuffed full of romantic coding and sexual imagery. It is entirely reasonable to read Buffy as being attracted to Faith - her attraction is canonical, and that attractio being romantic and/or sexual is intentional subtext. There are a few examples in the later seasons too than specifically bring up the idea of other people believing Buffy is queer - Holden in Conversations With Dead People suggests that this was a common belief in high school, and the social worker in Gone assumes that she and Willow are a couple. And then of course there are the comics. It’s an idea that the show does like to return to.

But ultimately, the idea of a queer Buffy Summers works best on a purely metaphorical level - which makes sense for a show so deeply steeped in metaphor. The high school years centre largely on Buffy coming into her own and accepting her destiny as a Slayer. This is of course in many ways a metaphor for coming into adulthood, but since slayerhood is also consistently portrayed as queerness, you can also read S1-3 as Buffy accepting and coming out as gay.

In S1, she pulls away and tries to deny who she is. Queer people coming into their identity is its own kind of Hero’s Journey, and Buffy’s Refusal of the Call in episode one can be seen as a queer teenager repressing their sexuality. One of the hardest parts of coming to terms with a non-normative sexuality or gender identity is realising that the vision that society assumes is a universal happy ending - a cis man and a cis woman in a monogamous marriage with 2.4 children - is something that you are never going to experience. You do not get that life. If you did, it would be inauthentic, a grotesque simulacrum. Buffy is realising the same thing - that the life and future she envisioned for herself is something she cannot achieve. She tries to reject her identity, to ignore her metaphorical queerness and cling to the image of her old life. But as Willow points out in Prophecy Girl, that world is not theirs anymore. The world they live in now is something different, and they must confront that.

S2 shows her coming more fully to terms with herself. She meets another lesbian slayer, and draws comfort from knowing that she’s not the only person like her. Her forbidden and non-normative relationship becomes more intense. And of course, she comes out to her mother at the end of the season. Her forbidden romance with Angel - a  slayer in love with a vampire - is not framed in a way that feels particularly queer, but it remains that any kind of love that is unconventional and viewed as doomed by society always inherently has a tinge of queerness to it. Interestingly, later seasons trade on this idea a little more. Her relationship with Spike in S6 is one that Buffy feels shame over, and when she reveals it to Tara - a lesbian - it is explicitly described as a “coming out”.

But her relationship ends in tragedy, which causes her to leave and abandon her identity. In order to reclaim her name, she must also reclaim her queer identity, as the two are inextricable at this point (“I’m Buffy. The Vampire Slayer. And you are?”). Into S3, Buffy finds herself simultaneously drawn to and pulling away from Faith, a version of herself who has more explicitly embraced her identity as a lesbian slayer. Her flirtation with the dark parts of herself is sub-textually an actual flirtation with another woman, who continually tells her that they are more alike than Buffy says. You can argue about the unfortunate implications of Faith’s hedonism being sub-textually linked with lesbianism, but either way, it’s still there.

We could go on cherry-picking more things that can fit this paradigm, but instead let’s bring the focus back to why this in particular is so resonant to queer viewers. After all, there are other shows with ragtag misfits and secret identities, and to be honest you can apply gay goggles to most media. I think this is where Whedon’s fondness for tragedy, but ultimate hopefulness, transmutes this metaphor into something that really sticks with people. One thing that Buffy is exceptionally good at reminding us is that life really sucks. Profoundly, sucks. Sometimes the worst thing happens at the worst moments. Sometimes all you have are bad choices. Most of the time, life is simply relentless, hard, and cruel. Sorrows come at you in battalions, and nobody around you understands your pain, because they’re so full of it too. S6 obviously springs to mind in this regard, but it’s a core part of the show. Seasons 2 and 3 are slow-motion tragedies that force Buffy into killing someone she cares about. S5 is all about the inescapable coil of mortality and dissociation from reality that comes from living in this absurd world.

“Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day.” - Buffy, 3x10 Amends

“If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.” - Buffy, 3x18 Earshot

“Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.” - Buffy, 5x22 The Gift

“Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. It's living.” - Spike, 6x07 Once More With Feeling

There is an honesty to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that sets it above cosier shows. It opens up the howling abyss that life can often feel like, and shows it to us. But at the same time, it never veers into grimdark or nihilism (in the colloquial sense - it very much does veer into Nihilism in the academic sense). It presents these tragedies as harsh truths, not meant to punish or torture us, but to remind us that we’re not alone in struggling with this. So these moments can also be genuinely uplifting, even as they express a deep negativity. They are comforting without concealing the worst of the world. I picked those four quotes as simply four good examples of the show talking about how much life sucks, and only realised afterwards that all four are also specifically examples of one character talking another character down from killing themselves. The characters help each other through the pain by acknowledging the pain, and so do the same for the audience.

The idea of life sucking but also being worth living is a fairly universal experience to be honest, but there’s aspects to it that are very specific to the queer experience. Queer content tends to have a very upbeat, aggressively positive approach to queerness, for obvious reasons. We are literally fighting for our lives in many countries, and we must be aggressive and clear in our messaging that being queer is great actually and is something we should shout proudly from the rooftops. In media, we are battling against decades of propaganda and forced executions of queer characters, so of course we want to create a bunch of happy and proud gays in response. But the side-effect of that is that it does leave less space to talk about how being queer does kind of suck sometimes. It’s exhausting to have to repeatedly explain and justify your existence to everyone. It’s isolating to have an identity that is not reflected by the heterocisnormative word around you. It’s painful to grow up feeling like your own emotions are incorrect. I am proud of being trans and bi, and I would not change who I am in a million years, but being trans and bi has demonstrably and materially made my life harder. My teenage years were worse specifically because of my gender and sexuality. This is the case for most queer people - it’s life on a higher difficulty setting.

Buffy’s life is made harder because she is the Slayer. Her teenage years are pretty clearly worse than most peoples, because of her metaphorical queerness. But it’s also a source of power, and identity. She is exhausted by it, but also draws strength from it.  This is not dissimilar to the relationship many people have with their sexuality. Especially as we get into seasons 3 and 4, Buffy speaks with pride about being a Slayer - she has moved beyond denying who she is, but the show also acknowledges how stressful and isolating the experience is. It doesn’t let us off easy by treating Slayer powers as either an uncomplicated symbol of empowerment and #girlboss awesomeness, or as a tragic and awful curse. Buffy’s straddling of the Nihilistic tightrope captures the ambivalence that sometimes comes with being queer (or for that matter, being a woman, but that’s a different essay). 

In S5, Buffy decides she needs to learn more about her metaphorical queerness, and asks the elder gay Giles for guidance. She has taken the next step, from accepting her internal self to interrogating it. But the relentless sorrows of real life get in the way of the introspection. She gains understanding of herself and suffering, but she does not achieve nirvana. By the end of the season, she speaks with the fond weariness of someone who is fully confident in who they are, and this point kind of just wants to be left alone. I think of that lovely opening scene in The Gift, where Buffy is disappointed and surprised that the vampire she’s fighting doesn’t know she’s gay a slayer, and kind of shows off about it - but at the end, the guy she saves that she’s “just a girl”, and she just sadly agrees. She is an out and proud Slayer, but she’s also a girl who just wants a sit down and maybe a nap. Honestly, I can relate.

In S6, Buffy’s status as the Slayer has morphed from her main source of angst to just one Thing on the increasing pile of Things that Buffy has to deal with. Again, this is much like the experience many queer people have between adolescence and adulthood. When I was a teenager, my number one all-consuming fears stemmed from my gender dysphoria. Now as I near 30, my government is stripping rights away from transgender people and it’s somewhere in the middle of my current concerns, between “ugh, that bill was a lot higher than I expected it to be” and “shit, I forgot to send that e-mail because I spent half my work day writing a 4000 word Buffy the Vampire Slayer essay”. It is not something that has stopped causing her problems, but it’s just part of her life and who she is now.

The final season charges Buffy with taking care of a bunch of Baby Gays, and impart her acquired wisdom onto them. But she struggles. She has innate knowledge of what her queer life is like, but she cannot verbalise it. It is pretty impossible sometimes to explain a part of yourself to someone who has not experienced that, after all. The only person Buffy is actually able to communicate her specific experiences with is Faith, the only other Slayer, much how there is often an understanding between two trans people or two gay people or two ace people, that often only people with those same experiences can comprehend yours. Eventually, Buffy finds that the only way she can relieve this burden, is to spread her gift, and live in a world where there really are other people like her. She fights through all the difficulties and harshness and judgements, and brings about a better world through owning and sharing her identity.

At the end of the day, Buffy is not a queer show because there are queer characters, or because being a Slayer is often metaphorically linked to being gay. It’s a queer show because it’s a story about feeling alone. A story about having an experience that nobody else can understand, and dealing with that. A story about feeling at war with yourself. It is intimately familiar with uncomfortable silences and incorrect assumptions, with the micro-aggressions of teenage life that are magnified for queer teens and slayers alike. It understands how part of your own identity can be an essential source of strength and a source of stress. It puts a gentle arm around the viewer and reminds them that they’re not alone. It does not whitewash the pain of existence, but in acknowledging it, helps us deal with it. It is existentialist comfort food for anyone who’s ever felt different, or rejected, or isolated. It’s for the queers.