#i used to be immune to the bucket hat

[cod-dump]

Your teen au has me in a chokehold so I thought I would add something to it

Gaz, Ghost, and Farah steal each other’s clothes all the time like one day Gaz could walk in wearing Ghosts favorite band tee or Farah wearing Gaz’s iconic hat or ghost stealing a pair of socks from Farah

They also do this with price and Nikolai

At some point everyone has worn price’s fishing hat (I think it might be more of a bucket hat) ghost has worn Nikolai’s combat boots (they’re the same shoe size) Farah wears price’s T shirts and Gaz like to do a combo and wear price’s pants and Nikolai’s shirts

Nikolai at first didn’t like his stuff being stolen until one day everyone was wearing something from Nikolai and he just chose defeat.

(P.s ghost has accidentally wore one of Alex’s shirts because he thought that’s it was Gaz’s and when Price questioned him about it he said the first thing that’s came to mind and it’s was that’s the shirt belonged to soap.)

-🫠

Thief (teen!Ghost au)

———

Living in a house of three teenagers meant no one’s clothes were safe. They mostly stole from each other, sometimes out if spite, sometimes because they couldn’t find anything they wanted to wear. Or because they simply just want whatever it is that had caught their eye.

“SIMON THOSE ARE MY SOCKS!”

“YOU LEFT FUZZY SOCKS UNGUARDED AND YOU’RE SURPRISED I GRABBED THEM?”

Nikolai was used to the yelling over stolen clothes given the kids were starting to gravitate towards stealing John’s clothes… which meant his were next. He just knew one of them were going to grab something of his, he’s seen Simon eying his bomber jacket.

“Simon, no.”

He’s thankful for being practically immune to Simon’s tactical puppy eyes by this point, much to the kid’s annoyance. Unless he was genuinely upset, nothing he could do would get Nik to bow.

“Niiiiik, pleeaaasssseeeee— I wanna look good for Johnny on our date!”

Nik snorts, “You could be covered in horseshit and that boy would still look at you like you hung the stars.”

Simon tries to argue but Nik reached over and flicked his nose, the boy jerking away and shutting his mouth in response. The glare that followed made Nik remember who he was dealing with: Simon Price.

Simon said nothing more as he stalked away into the house, Nik certain he just invoked the boy’s wrath. He wasn’t scared but he was worried because Simon could get creative… and spiteful. So he was sure to tuck his jacket away in his SUV before settling down with John in bed that night to watch a movie. Nik was close to falling asleep, John was already tucked into his side, completely oblivious to the movie by this point but refusing to fall asleep.

If it had happened a moment later, he wouldn’t have caught it. It wasn’t a noticeable sound by any means, but Nik noticed. He knew what it was too— His car door being shut as quietly as possible. He felt his eye twitch, eyes looking over to where his keys rested on the dresser.

That brat broke into my car.

Nik, of course, was angry that someone broke into his SUV… but he was also a bit proud that Simon was the one to do it successfully without setting off the alarm.

Nik carefully slid out of bed, John grumbling at him leaving before he flopped over where Nik was laying and almost instantly fell asleep. Nik just snorts before he went to slid his boots on, quickly discovering that they were missing. He blinked before he realized where they were.

“Oh, so we raised a thief,” John made a curious grunt at that, a sign that he heard Nik say something, but the fact he just went back to sleep showed that he didn’t register any of Nik’s words.

He ended up grabbing some tennis shoes before leaving, determined to figure what Simon was up to. He had to grab one of John’s jackets considering he knows his bomber had been snatched. He went out to his SUV, glaring at the apparently undisturbed vehicle. Simon was nowhere in sight and Nik had no choice but to wait for him to come back… Well, he did have a choice but he didn’t feel like tracking down the kid.

So he returned to bed, deciding that he’ll have a chat with Simon in the morning.

Nik was the first up, heading straight to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. He noticed that his boots had been returned so Nik assumed his jacket had also been returned. A second time Simon had managed to get into Nik’s SUV without setting off the alarm. Where did he learn to do that? From his friends?

Nikolai was deep in thought, glaring at the brewing coffee pot as John walked into the kitchen with a yawn. He was greeted with a kiss to his shoulder before John went to grab mugs for the coffee.

“What did that brewer do to you?” John joked as he slid Nik’s favorite mug on the counter in front of him.

“Hm? Oh, nothing I’m just thinking.”

“Well, don’t think too hard or you’ll scare the thing into not wanting to work.”

“Eh, I’ll buy you a new one.”

“… On a second thought, break it. I need a new one, anyways… especially after the ramen incident with Simon.”

Nikolai snickers, hearing someone come down the stairs with a light yet heavy step. Farah, barely awake, walks into the kitchen a grunts a ‘morning’ before sitting down into a chair.

“Is the coffee ready?”

“Farah-“

“I’m an adult!”

Nikolai could hear the boys moving around upstairs, knowing that they probably won’t come down until they smell food. Nik hums before he pours himself a cup of coffee, blowing on it as he steps away from the coffee maker.

“I need to check my email.”

No one said anything as he left, heading upstairs to have a talk with Simon. He knocked on Kyle’s door as he passed, “Go help your dad with breakfast.”

A tired whine was his immediate response, “Niiiik-“

“I could do it, and burn everything. Or Farah can do it and make it spicy-“

Kyle liked spice, Nik liked spice and so did John— Farah’s spice tolerance was terrifying. John handled it better than the rest of them but it would be a lot for breakfast. Kyle left his room rather quickly, almost slipping down the stairs in the process.

“Slow, Kyle!”

“I’m fine!”

Nik makes sure Kyle gets down the stairs safely before he moved on to Simon’s room. He knocked on the door, a muffled grunt and Riley barking answering him a moment later. Nik opens the door and there was Simon, buried under his mountain of blankets and Riley in his play pen, jumping around with his tail wagging when he saw Nik. Nik closed the door and sipped his coffee before he set it on the TV stand.

Simon poked his head out from under the blankets, hair poking everywhere and worn eyeliner that he clearly forgot to wipe off smeared around his eyes. He stared at Nik in confusion while Nik just leaned on his door with a knowing smirk. Simon blinked before his eyes widened, sitting up quickly and throwing a few blankets to the floor as he did.

“M-morning, Nik…”

“Late night?”

Simon’s eyes flickered to his closet before he forces himself to look at Nik, “No…”

“Hmm… You sure?”

Nik moved towards the closet and Simon scrambled off the bed to grab him. Nik groaned when Simon grabbed him around the middle, when did he get so big? He used to be just a tiny boy, where did this guy come from?

Nik wrestled Simon for a moment, trying to pry him off so he can get to the closet. He managed to throw Simon back on his bed, freezing for a moment because he was certain Simon was going to bounce off and into the wall. Thankfully he didn’t, stunning him and allowing Nikolai to swing open his closet door.

“Oh? What’s this? My jacket!?”

Nik grabs his bomber jacket, presenting it to Simon. Simon was pale, eying his door and window. Nik tucked his jacket under his arm before he made a face at Simon, waiting for him to start talking.

“I snuck out last night to go to a party with Johnny.”

Nik blinked, “A party?”

Simon was not a party kid. Sure, he hung out with Alejandro and their friends but Nik couldn’t recall them ever partying.

“Yea— I wanted to look cool so I borrowed your jacket!”

“And my boots.”

Simon gawks, truly horrified that Nik knew about the boots, “I-I brought them back! Please don’t tell Dad!”

Nik stares at him, looking to the whining Riley before he steps over to Simon, “Fine, I won’t tell your dad… if you tell me where you learned how to break into cars.”

“I-I-“

“Was it that hooligan friend of yours?”

Simon lightens up, “Ale doesn’t like it when you call him that.”

“Well, that’s what he is so he should get over it.”

Simon snorts, “No, it wasn’t Ale… Uh-“

“Simon-“

“… It was Johnny.”

Nik makes a face, “Johnny? Your good little Catholic boyfriend?”

“His dad’s a mechanic so he knows how to poke around cars.”

“And he taught you how to do it?”

Simon wouldn’t meet Nik’s eyes, fear in his eyes. Nikolai just huffed, truly impressed, “That’s a keeper.”

Simon blinked and looked up at Nik, “What?”

“That boy managed to get you to sit down and learn something new! You’re so hard to teach new things, let alone wiring and car mechanics! He’s a keeper!”

Simon bites lip, holding back a big smile. Riley finally let out a loud, high pitched bark, tired of being ignored. Nik reaches over and tries to smooth and tame Simon’s hair before his grabbed Simon’s ear in a pinch.

“OW! NIK!”

“That’s for stealing my shit. Now go take Riley out before he explodes.”

Simon jumps up and goes to get Riley, Nik opening the door and letting the boy run through with the squirming puppy. Simon went down the stairs at a nerve-racking speed before he took Riley to the back door to let him into the back garden. Breakfast was almost done, Kyle and John just waiting for Nik and Simon to join Farah at the table.

“What was with the thumping upstairs?”

Nik just grinned, “Waking up Simon.”

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

Listen, I know I should be cracking down on the requests cluttering my inbox, but I felt the need to be petty today. Being caught up with the latest chapters of BSD, I feel just a bit angry at Fyodor for his crimes against my sweet, beloved Sigma. So, without further Ado, I present:

A List of Embarrassing Things Fyodor Dostoevsky has Done

Yeah, I got this off Pinterest. Look at him, he looks so worried that I'm about to embarrass him in front of his fangirls >:3

🖤🐀 Forgot to sleep for three days straight, and fainted at the dinner table as a result. This really isn't uncommon for him. He's such a workaholic that you've had to actually carry him to bed more times than you can count (Don't worry, he weighs, like, nothing.).

🖤🐀 Forgetting to take his iron supplements. This one is usually the culprit behind most of his other mishaps. When he gets really busy, he often neglects to take the one thing that keeps his anemia symptoms at bay.

🖤🐀 Lost to Nikolai at hide-and-seek. Multiple times. Despite Fyodor's infinite genius, he can't ever seem to beat Nikolai at hide-and-seek. Nikolai loves to hide in places that Fyodor physically cannot get to, such as up a tree, and laugh when Fyodor can't find him.

🖤🐀 Accidentally called you 'Nikolai' when you pestered him while he was trying to work. He gets a little snappy when he's lacking sleep, and he's used to Nikolai pestering him. He apologized afterwards, he knows it must be terribly insulting to be mistaken for that damn clown.

🖤🐀 The amount of times he has fainted in the shower is ridiculous. It's a good thing you're there to catch him, otherwise he might accidentally drown! That would be quite an embarrassing way for the great Fyodor Dostoevsky to die!

🖤🐀 Every time you steal his ushanka, he stands up too fast and almost blacks out. He has to sit back down to avoid fainting. He sits there for a solid minute with the dizziest expression on his face. It's hilarious!

🖤🐀 Almost died of hypothermia because he insisted that he "is used to the cold." He thinks he's a lot tougher than he actually is, and part of that is because he wants to impress you. The other part is that he's usually cold because of his anemia, but that isn't going to stop him from catching hypothermia and dying.

🖤🐀 Dunked his head in a bucket of ice to get rid of a migraine, instead of just taking pain meds. This one was Nikolai's suggestion, the absolute bastard. For all his genius, Fyodor can be a real dumbass sometimes.

🖤🐀 He keeps trying to eat things that aren't food! This is one of the lesser-known side effects of his anemia, and usually only happens when he forgets to take his iron supplements. Half the time he doesn't even realize that he's chewing on his pen until you point it out to him!

🖤🐀 He has the weakest immune system, but he refuses to rest and take care of himself. You've had to legitimately tie him to the bed and spoon feed him soup to get him to rest. He insists he's fine, but he really isn't.

🖤🐀 He blacked out on the stairs and just sorta laid there like a rug for a solid two minutes. This happened because he was chasing you after you stole his hat, and he ran up the stairs too fast.

🖤🐀 Despite what you might think, this rat bastard is very much a blushing virgin. As such, it doesn't take much to get him excited. If you can convince him to let you sit on his lap, you're gonna feel him not even seconds later. He gets very grumpy when you tease him about it.

🖤🐀 The longer he goes without sleep, the more he mixes up his words. He also swears a lot more than usual, which is pretty funny in its own right. Nikolai knows this, and loves to pester sleep-deprived Fedya. One time he called Nikolai a "fucking society on tumor, and a fothermucking holy and good to all things disappointment." If you record him while he's sleep deprived, he's going to threaten you to hell and back (but it's worth it, lets be honest.)

🖤🐀 You startled him while he was working and he almost smacked you across the face. He's actually really easy to jump scare while he's engrossed in his work, but proceed with caution because he gets really jumpy and might almost kill you before realizing that it's you.

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Burning Hearts Chapter 12

Pairing: Law x Straw Hat Zoan Type (named) OC 

Summary: *SLOW BURN BUT THE MATCH IS SO LIT* You were teleported across the globe in an instant, away from your crew. Your body was badly broken and beaten, thrust into the harsh landscape of a Northern island. You are discovered by the Heart Pirates and brought back to health. Startled upon waking up in a foreign place with an unfamiliar crew, you are shocked with the news that you’ll be spending two years there. Trafalgar Law, the captain of the Heart Pirates has made a promise to train you, but will it become something more than a mentor relationship?

WC: 2600

Taglist: @cottoncandyloverrrr @zoros-fourth-sword @nothing-but-brass

Burning Hearts Chapter 12: Acts of Service

— — 

Training was on hold again.

The majority of the Heart Pirates had fallen ill with the stomach flu, leaving you, Law, and Bepo the only ones in normal physical condition. Law had attributed your collective good health to your immune systems and the fact that Bepo wasn’t a human. Whatever the reason, you were just happy you weren’t retching over the toilet every 20 minutes. 

You were at the stove most of the morning, simmering chicken and beef stocks to try and replenish the crew’s electrolytes. 

“I don’t know how many more puke buckets I can clean… didn’t you say the captain was working on some sort of medicine for this? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get this smell out of my fur…” Bepo comes lumbering into the kitchen wearing a comically large pair of yellow rubber gloves. 

“He’s been at it since last night.” You sigh as you stir the large pots on the stovetop. “He’s going to work himself sick and then it’ll just be the two of us.” 

“He better hurry up then, Penguin’s so pale it looks like he’s been lost at sea for weeks, and Uni sweat all the way through his mattress, so that’s ruined, and Ikkaku has been asleep for 20 hour I’m starting to think she might be dead! And-“ 

“I’m sure Law will figure it out, he always does.” You say as you throw your dish towel over your shoulder. 

Moments later, the metal door to the kitchen swings open and Law comes in with a tray of syringes, rubber gloves, and alcohol pads in hand. He looked out of breath and exhausted, but he managed a small, tired smile. 

“I got it. This should fix everyone by tomorrow.”

“Oh thank goodness, Captain! I’m so tired of smelling like barf. Should we administer the medications now?” Bepo asks with a sigh of relief. 

“Yes, come with me.” Law nods towards the door and the two take their leave to give the ailing crew their medicine. 

You smile and sit down at the kitchen table with your cup of tea. You relax into the chair and sip your tea after cracking your sore neck. There was an overwhelming sense of relief that washed over you, now that things can go back to relative normalcy here on the base. Realizing how much work you still had to get done, you finish your tea and head to the sink to clean up the dishes. 

“Hey.” You hear a familiar deep, tired voice from behind you. You jump a bit. 

You turn around as you wipe the last of the pots and pans dry. 

“Hey back. You jabbed everyone already?” You ask. 

“Yeah. Everyone should be fine by tomorrow.”

“Good. You look wiped, you should get some rest.” 

“I just might… and you? You’re not exactly fresh as a-“ Law begins to smirk.

“Don’t! Don’t say it. You’re not funny. And as much as I would love to relax for the rest of the afternoon, the garden is overrun with weeds due to neglecting it for your sickly crew members. I’ll probably be up to my ears in dirt for the rest of the day.” You sigh and take off your apron. 

“And if I helped you?”

“…what?”

“In the garden. Would it take less time if I helped you with the garden?”

“I… I mean yeah, but I doubt you’d enjoy doing the weeding…” You chuckle and go to grab your gardening gloves and a few buckets for the discarded weeds. 

“Well, if we both work a bit more, we can take the rest of the night off. It doesn’t seem fair that only one of us can rest tonight.”

“Yeah but you were up all night making the vaccine and-“

“You were in here with Bepo making food and scrubbing vomit off the floors… and the walls from what I hear…”

You shudder after being reminded of your harrowing past 48 hours. 

“Fine. I’m heading out there now. Grab some gloves and roll up your sleeves.” You smirk as you chuck the spare gloves at Law’s exposed, tattooed chest. 

— — 

Law looked very silly in a pair of green gardening gloves. They stuck out like sore thumbs against his lightweight blue summer jacket. 

“Ok rookie! I’m going to take care of the flowers since they are sensitive and require someone who knows what they’re doing. You sir, will be weeding the vegetable beds!” You push a plastic bucket into Law’s hands and walk towards the rose bushes. You begin preening your prized pink roses when you notice Law still standing yards behind you where you had left him. 

“… Something wrong?” You holler over your shoulder. 

“I… Uh, what do the weeds look like?” Law stares at the bottom of his bucket as he calls back to you awkwardly. 

“Gods… you are the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met…” You rise from your knees in the dirt and approach Law. You pull him by the jacket sleeve over to the carrots and broccoli that were growing in your vegetable beds. 

“Here.. Look.” You crouch down on your knees. “Anything that looks like grass, dandelions, or anything with spiky leaves like this milkweed…” You grab hold of an overgrown leaf that was strangling your poor little cauliflower. “This needs to go.”

You look back up to Law who was still standing next to you. 

“Make sense?”

“I think so.”

You rise to your feet. 

“Great. Hop to it, little bunny!” You smack his shoulder harshly and head back to your rose bush. 

Law sighs and drops to his knees, beginning to dig his gloved hands into the dirt. 

— —  

After a few hours, you finish tending to the rest of the garden and decide to check on Law’s progress with the produce. You approach him from behind and begin to notice the skin on the back of his neck. 

“Hey you, how’s it going- Oh my gods!” You exclaim. 

“What? What is it? Are you hurt?” Law jumps up and turns to face you. 

“Not me! The back of your neck! It’s so red! You’re sun burnt as shit!” You grab his shoulder and turn him around and inspect his neck further. You pull at the collar of his jacket with your two fingers, peering further down his shirt. 

“Shit you even burnt through your jacket. You pasty mother fucker… Go inside. I’ll cut some aloe and bring it to your office. Hurry, get! Before you turn into a crispy slab of bacon.” Law nods wordlessly and heads inside the base. 

You quickly grab your shears from beside your rose bush and haul them over to your giant aloe vera plant that sat happily in a large terracotta pot in the middle of the garden. 

“Sorry my baby, I’m gonna need a few of these… he’s torched pretty bad…” You whispered quietly to your plant as you cut its thick leaves and stick them under your arm. 

— — 

You head through the base with several long aloe leaves tucked in your armpit and a clean white tee shirt from the laundry room. You arrive at Law’s office door and push in without knocking. 

“Alright tomato boy, let’s get you fixed up.” You sigh as you walk in and plop your supplies down on the couch. You sit down next to the leaves and pat the spot next to you. “Come here.”

Law rises from his desk slowly and makes his way over to you. He turns his back to you as he sits down next to you on the leather sofa. 

“This might sting at first, okay?” You squeeze the aloe leaf from tip to tail, releasing its sticky goo out into your palm. 

“hmm.” Law nods. 

You begin applying the gel to his bright red neck.

“Fuck!” Law lurches forward and exclaims. 

“Hey, I said it would sting for a second! Relax… some warlord you are…” You giggle as you rub the gel into his skin. 

“Watch it…” Law warns. 

“What? I’m not the doctor that went out without sunscreen on an 85 degree day… Now I need you to take this off, I have to do the rest of your back or it won’t heal.” You tugged at the shoulders of his jacket. 

Law hesitates. 

You sense his unease. 

“Hey… it’s okay. It’s just me.” You chuckle. “Shit, you’ve already seen me naked anyway, this shouldn’t be a big deal.” You laugh remembering how he set nearly all of your bones back together months ago and sewed up your injuries from the landslide. 

Law sucks in a breath. He slides his jacket off his shoulder revealing his bare back. His skin was a shade of bright red excluding the large black tattoo of his Jolly Roger which you had never seen before. You can’t help but trace it lightly as you apply the sticky gel from your fingertips. 

“I didn’t know you had this one. It suits you.” You lower your voice as Law flinches away from your touch. 

“t-thanks… I didn’t realize I was burning this badly…” 

“It’s okay, happens to the best of us. I guess I should have realized how little time you spend out in the sun…” Law flinches against your fingers again as you rub more aloe into his skin. “You’re… you’re not really used to this, are you?” You inquire. 

“Used to what?” Law asks. 

“People touching you. I can tell. I do the same thing. Different reasons, I guess.” 

Law didn’t reply, only breathed heavily. There was a long silence. You continued slathering aloe gel all over Law’s sunburn, the flesh searing hot under your fingertips. 

“Gods, dude, you have a knot the size of the moon back here. Want me to get it out?” You dig your thumb lightly into the bulging, painful-seeming knot in his mid-back. 

Law scrunched his eyebrows in pain as you gently worked out the kink. “Shit, that fucking hurts.” He grits out. 

“I know, but I promise I can get it out and you’ll feel much better.” You say softly. 

Law grunts. 

“Do you trust me, Law?” You lean over his shoulder to ask more closely. 

Law hesitates. 

“Yes.” 

You smile. 

“Alright, deep breath in-“ You jam your thumbs into the knot and start pressing hard circles into it. 

“Fuck!!!” Law cries out. 

“I know, I know, it’s almost out.” You coo as you add more aloe to smooth the glide of your hands against his skin. Law continues to sigh and tense under your touch as you work to deftly relieve the tension in his back. 

“Ahh, shit.. where did you learn to do this?” Law asks through clenched teeth. 

“Oh this? My friend Usopp, he’s a nervous wreck, carries all his stress in his shoulders. Since our doctor has hooves, he isn’t exactly the best at working out muscle tension. Somebody had to pick up the slack, I guess.” You rub harder into the knot. 

“Nnng, fuck.” Law groans as the knot is so close to giving.

“Just a bit more, you can handle it.” You feel Law suddenly inhale sharply as soon as the words leave your lips. 

“You alright?” You withdraw your hands. Law looks down at his lap. 

“I-… Uh yeah. Keep going. I think it's almost gone.” 

“Right.” You continue your ministrations. “You know if you weren’t always sitting hunched over like a gargoyle, you might not have this problem.” You chide. 

Law couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I guess my posture leaves a little to be desired…” Law smiles. “Hey that’s much better, actually…” 

“Actually? You’re surprised I know what I’m doing?” You lean back and pull your hand to your chest and feign being wildly offended. 

“No it's not that, I mean-“ Law scrambled to try and make a recovery. 

“I’m just teasing.” You grab the folded white shirt and hand it to Law. “This should help the aloe absorb into your skin. You’ll be good as new in a day or two. Frankly, you might even be a little tan for once.” You say jokingly. 

“Whose shirt is this?” Law says as he unfolds and holds up the garment. 

“It was in the laundry room, it had to be one of yours. It isn’t a 6XL so I assumed it isn’t Bepo���s. Now shut up and put it on before anyone else gets stunned by those milky white washboard abs.” You wink. 

Law blushes deeply before he pulls the white tee over his head.

“Sorry I got so burnt, we could have gotten more done if you didn’t have to-“

“Hush now.” You interrupt. “We got far more done than if I had just been out there myself. Thank you for helping. It really made my life a lot easier. I appreciate it a lot. I’m just sorry you got toasted like a marshmallow in the process.” You look at your lap as Law turns to face you on the couch. 

“I can handle it.” 

“I know you can.” You smile again.

A few moments of awkward silence go by without making eye contact. 

“Daisy…”

“Yeah?” You look up. 

“Before.. when I.. um… You know that time from before when… and we… and I-” Law chokes and trips over his words.

“When you kissed me?” You raise an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, that...” 

You smile at him softly. 

“What about it?” You ask. 

“Could I… Could I ask to try again? Properly, this time?” Law is still staring at his lap nervously. 

“What are you asking me, Law?” You cock your head to the side. 

“Can I kiss you?” Law spits out as he finally meets your gaze. 

You barely needed a second thought.

“yes…” You say quietly as you shuffle your body closer to his. 

Law lets out a heavy sigh and cups your cheek with a trembling hand. You eyes close and eventually your parted lips are met with Law’s as he draws you in to a gentle kiss. This time the kiss wasn’t frantic and rushed, it was soft and tentative. After a few moments of the briefest of touches, you begin to move your lips against his slightly chapped ones. It was clear he was following your lead, letting you have control of the situation. You bring your hands up to lace behind his sunburnt neck and pull him deeper into your mouth. He grunts softly at your touch and continues to try and match your movements. 

Law uses his free hand to grab at your waist, index and middle fingers slipping up your shirt unintentionally and gripping at your bare skin. You sigh at his calloused touch. He wasn’t a good kisser, but nothing you couldn’t fix with a bit of practice. You begin to tangle your fingers into the coarse hair at the base of his neck and ready yourself to swing onto his lap when-

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

Startled, you pull back from each other and look towards the door. 

“Captain? The fire alarm is going off, I think Shachi tried to use the stove again!” 

You hear Bepo’s nervous voice from the other side of the door. 

“God damnit…” Law whispered. 

You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Well, we should probably save the base from burning down.” 

Law rolls his eyes. 

“What else is new.” He bemoans as he slips his jacket back on.

— — 

*Author's Note* HI Y'ALL HERE WE ARE. They like like each other hehehehehe. Thank you guys so much for reading and interacting with the story, it makes my day every time I get a notification that someone commented on it! Please feel free to let me know if you want to be on the tag list or have an idea for a chapter! Love y'all!

[littledrummerangie]

So hello hello good evening Budapest. I'm finally home, it's midnight and and and I had the best time of my life!

Many many highlights of the soundcheck and the show:

My question for soundcheck was picked fiiiirst? Hello??? It was absolutely crazy!

The VIP rep, Athena was an absolut angel, big shout out to her! I had a good talk with her after soundcheck and she was he sweetest.

The guys played Long Way Home and Out Of My Limit.

Before questions the VIP rep asked our names and I told her she can say Angie insted of my Hungarian name.

So she did introduce me "someone who her friends know as Angie", and Michael was like: "and what do people call you who you do not consider as friends?" So I had to tell him that basically anyone before age 15 knows me as my real name, and after that, when I started using the internet and didn't like my name I picked up Angie. So he said, okay, Angie.

My question was: what arw you bringing home from tour (souvenir, memory, feeling).

Ash said his mom always asks for fridge magnets and was like "fuck, Mom, no, it would need its own suitcase" and he said he likes travelling light

Luke said a qeak immune system and he stoles keycards from the hotels he sþays in and has tons

Michael said he gets lot of baby clothes and didn't know how much stuff a baby needs

Calum said he has really good memories of this tour

At thw beginning they also was talking about Buda and Pest, as mentioned by Ash in the IG story.

Other questions were about:

How they choose what they wear. Ash and Luke said they try bot to clash with the others and look ridiculous. They basically go by what Cal chooses, becauee Michael goes by him, and then the rest tries not to clash with them. Look also mentioned whatever he can paid up that he didn't do previously, and how he feels that day.

They asked about the Flatline chorus and Luke did listen to the song on his phone to figure it out... but I'm still not sure as they were also unsure lol.

They asked about the RAH orchestra and how it was a bit hard working with them because they only stayed until their time was up, and they are speaking different musical languages.

And lastly they asked about how they feel when they release a really emotional, personal song and if it's hard to do. They said of course, and how everyone has their own interpretation on songs, and sometimes it's best not to know the original thought and have your own on them.

There was also a fly trying to get into Luke's tea and Ashton kinda looked scared of it because he stood up.and took two steps backwards.

Both Charlotte Sands and AR/CO were amazing.

I was on Michael's side, 2nd row.

Ashton was wearing those silly ass chekered sunglasses for like half the show lol. But he has the biggest biceps in the world oh god.

They were cuteeeee. Michael was so precious. So happy.

We got Wrapped Around Your Finger.

They guys enjoyed Budapest, and said it was a special show because it'a in the last 3 for a long time now.

Also, there was a point where Ash said something about Calum abd I was like... boyfriends.

Michael couldn't sing Best Friends because Luke was being silly and they just started histerically laughing.

Michael remembered and made a joke about last year's KFC thing and someone had a fake/plush KFC bucket hat on and they were making fun of that.

He ended up wearing it for the beginning of Outer Space.

(Terrible photo, sorry. Didn't take much pics.)

Saw Ash at the very end on my side and he is beautiful and smiley. I love him. 🩷🫶

Tagging some peeps for story time: @kindahoping4forever @nostalgiabones @whentherosesbl00m @suchalonelysunflower

[delcakoo]

like a fever ༊*·˚ y.jw

ᵎᵎ PAIRING ! jungwon x gn!reader

ᵎᵎ WC ! 1.5k

ᵎᵎ GENRE ! est relationship, fluff n crack

ᵎᵎ WARNINGS ! miraculous ladybug. (def didn’t use this fic as an excuse to rant about it)

ᵎᵎ SUMMARY ! when jungwon comes home from practise to find you and a mountain of tissues on the floor, he’s ready to make you soup and watch terrible cartoons all night.

a/n: im so smart w the title B) anyways you guys are too nice, thank you for all the love on my other posts :(

you blew your nose for what felt like the thousandth time today. the mountain of used tissues in the garbage can next to you only grew the longer you sat on the floor, suffering in your boyfriends shirt alone.

how did you get sick? great question. perhaps it was the student next to you in math who kept sneezing a suspicious amount of times, or it could’ve been your fellow employee at work who had disappeared into the bathroom for the rest of their shift, leaving you to deal with annoying customers alone. whatever it was, you’d definitely caught something.

you were a bit frustrated with your body's weak immune system, because usually when a certain someone got home from dance practise, you’d have dinner ready for him after all the hard work. but now, you felt like you’d fall right back down if you attempted to move at all.

speaking of jungwon, you recognise the sound of his keys jingling in the locks, humming a quiet tune. you continue to bask on the floor like a starfish, but quickly make sure to raise your head slightly so you can see his handsome face right away. when he opens the door, he practically throws his jacket and bucket hat on the rack, pulling off his shoes with his feet alone. “i told you that’s how you ruin your shoes.” you scold, grabbing another tissue and making an elephant like sound from across the room.

jungwon’s head whips to your voice’s direction, morphing into confusion and slight amusement at the sight of your current position. “baby? what are you doing on the floor? we have a perfectly functioning couch and bed the last time i checked.” he giggles cutely, but quickly stops when he notices the bin full of tissues. “jesus, are you sick jagi? do you want soup? or medicine? or wanna make me watch those stupid cartoons again?” he bombards you with questions worriedly.

you sniffle as the boy kneels down and helps you sit up, massaging your shoulders gently. “the floor feels nice and cold on my back.” you explain, “and yes please, i wanna watch miraculous again.”

he nods, gesturing for you to lift your arms so he can pick you up. “i am not letting you sit on the floor, you can have some ice cream to cool you down after you eat.” he holds you tightly in his arms before placing you on the couch, grabbing the remote and scrolling until he finds the show. once you pick an episode, he leaves for the kitchen quickly, ready to begin making you a snack.

you appreciate jungwon, you really do. but the caregiver in you can’t help but feel concerned even now. your boyfriends schedule had no time for dilly dallying, and you had to stress about feeling almost like a nuisance to be taking up his precious time for rest. “baby,” you called. in a split second he’s next to you again.

“yeah? do you need anything?”

you shake your head. “it’s just— are you sure you’re okay? maybe you should go to sleep, you’ve been working way too hard and i can ju-“ before you can finish, jungwon plants a kiss to your lips softly.

“don’t even finish that sentence. you’re always caring for me every single day, and i hate how i’m always too busy to repay you. now let me be the one babying you for a change.” you gulp shyly, nodding, and he smiles that adorable smile of his before running back into the kitchen.

only a few minutes (and tissues) later, jungwon returns with two bowls of chicken noodle soup and a box of crackers. “finally, my baby’s here.” you say, and jungwon feels happiness shoot through him at your words. that is, until he notices you eyeing the soup as if it were a pot of gold.

“yah, i’m supposed to be your baby.” he pouts, handing you the bowl reluctantly.

you giggle mischievously, taking another spoonful of noodles. “sorry jungwon.”

he gasps. “why are we on a first name basis now? who helped you off the floor when you were acting like a grandma? me or the soup!?”

at his complaints, you laugh harder. “okay okay, sorry baby.” his smile returns at that, pulling you closer as you both enjoy your soup. despite probably being considered too “old” for cartoons, you absolutely loved them. you always made jungwon watch them with you, and he didn’t care too much as long as he got to cuddle you the whole time.

however, he couldn’t deny that the show you were currently watching was absolutely terrible, to him at least. you began watching it last week — which meant that he inevitably would have to as well — and it was probably the most agonising week of his life. the characters were all stupid and had no development, the plot made no sense, and it was so repetitive.

“how do even children enjoy this garbage?”

you, who currently had their nose in a tissue as usual, shot up to meet your boyfriends eyes in disbelief. “what do you mean? it’s so good! i have to keep watching until marinette and adrien finally figure out each others secret identities!”

he scoffs. “you really think they’re going to let that happen? they have to milk at least six more seasons out of this nonsense first.” you look at him with brows furrowed, and he continues. “every episode is just the same thing, jagi. it can go on forever. everyday a new villain for ladybug to defeat then hawkmoth goes ‘i’ll get them next time’ but we all know he never will. and did you see all the new miraculous in the new trailer? they can just keep adding new heroes too, leading to more merch and dumb toys and all in all more money for them.” by the end of his tangent, your boyfriend releases a big breath.

you sit there, attention fully on the boy next to you with a mouthful of noodles. “wow, i think you’re more obsessed with this show than me.”

“just stating the obvious.”

you shrug in response. “whatever you say, i still think chat noir’s pretty cool.” 

jungwon swears he hurt his neck with how fast he whipped back to gaze at you. “eh? are you telling me i have to compete with a famous, rich actor and model who is also a superhero of paris at night!?” he inquires desperately. 

you bend over, starting to giggle uncontrollably at his genuinely distressed face. “well..” you begin. 

he begins to tickle you. “what is it then, the blonde hair? i’ll contact my stylist right now if it’s what you want!” you cackle, watching as jungwon begins to laugh himself, his eyes turning into soft crescents. “yah, this isn’t funny!

after more tickling and jungwon complaining about every scene of every episode, it was time for you to have your medicine. which you were not excited for. you were the type of person to believe that all of the “medicine” you’d buy was just the same useless shit in different shitty forms.

maybe you were just weak, but the result of swallowing down the liquid that probably tasted like a rotting corpse was just you being even more drowsy and dead inside than before. “but it tastes so bad!” you whine, watching as your boyfriend walks back in the room, medicine and a glass of water in hand. 

“this one doesn’t,” he replies encouragingly, “it’s bubblegum flavor.” 

“you know that means nothing right? all the ‘flavors’ taste the same.” you deadpan, watching as jungwon sets both cups down next to you on the couch. 

the boy sighs, pondering on how to get you to drink it, before a genius idea comes to his mind. “if you have every drop of it, i’ll watch one more episode of miraculous with you before bed.” 

your face brightens at that, and jungwon has to stifle a laugh at your adorable childishness. “really?” he desperately wants to say no — as he doesn’t think he can get through watching another episode of that dumpster fire — but he nods anyway. it’s for your health, he decides. 

at that, you gulp, staring down at the pink liquid in disgust. you can do this for jungwon (and miraculous), you think, before taking a deep breath and chugging it down, quickly drinking the water just as fast.

you gag immediately, the horrifying taste sticking to your tongue. immediately after, jungwon scoops you up into his arms and unceremoniously flops onto the couch. holding you in his lap, he rubs your back gently, planting a kiss to your forehead. “you did so well, see? i knew you could do it.” 

still in jungwons lap, you smack your mouth, trying to recover from the sour taste. “miraculous please.” 

“aish.. i was hoping you’d forget.”

© delcakoo on tumblr. all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, cross post, copy, etc.

[messier-47]

tobirama going for butsuma's throat is expected. the old bastard still being ALIVE in the first place is not !! somebody come put him down! think of it like a horse! hashirama please stop preaching i know youre charismatic but please your brother is immune to your talk-no-jutsu. also who cares if the plan DIDNT HAPPEN???? butsuma PLANNED to do it! what if it HAD happened???? tobirama doesnt need to put aside his hatred for anyone. he should take his bamboo hat and leave this dump

Oh absolutely he leaves that dump, have you seen Konoha lately?

infrastructure wise, it's like if there were 3 different cities being built. there's about a dozen different city planners tryna talk over one another. Ninja still running in and out of the hokage tower unsure who to report to other than the Hokage, and don't even get me started on the woes of the noncombatants.

There's no equal resources. Entire neighborhoods would be built without a grocery store or a restaurant to proved prepared meals for those that don't have the means to cook for themselves. People in need of water for their job have the hike across the entire village to get 2 buckets. There's no organization of what people do outside of what their Clan Head dictates, which means shinobi children are either being told to train by themselves or thrown into the chaotic mess of trying to help build a village with no overseer.

and my poor little meow meow Madara is just trying his best to hold it all together.

It's his dream for Konoha to work, for a village to provide a space where shinobi didn't have to fight, where children could choose their careers, where the worry of war is no longer on their doorstep so while he's not exacly happy with the backbreaking work he has to put in to get shit down, he doesn't dare complain.

Oh he needles Hashirama to do his share but he's not a fucking babysitter, he can't be wasting time hunting down his idiot friend when he could be using that time going over more paperwork and projects. And honestly, he shouldn't have to be a babysitter. Hashirama is a grown ass adult and if the adult is irresponsible then that's their own flaw that they need to deal with, not coddled and permissed by those around him or by provided crutches. (ops, let my own bias leak right there)

Tobirama came and went. Madara just shrugged his shoulders cause it was kinda obvious that the pale man had his own life and worries to think about and wasn't gonna take up the mantle of being a Senju once again (he still wore that bamboo hat! it's kinda obvious!). Madara just needed to get back to work and in the weeks that follow he'll admit it's a relief to have the merchants on hand to provide provisions and resources but there's still a fuckton of work on his desk.

And then he gets a letter.

Non-descript, addressed to him as co-Hokage and not as the Uchiha Clan Head or something more personal. MAdara even put th letter to the side in favor or 'more important matters' only opening the scroll when he was taking his alotted break over a cup of tea.

Only to spew the tea fucking everywhere cause it was the most insulting, funniest, scathing reveiw of Konoha he'd ever been witness to. Oh man, you could almost smell the salt coming from the letter. It's both the most glorious piece of writing he's ever held in his hands and the most embarressing cause it feels like an assessment of his skill cause as the designated 'City Planner' that Madara always felt like he isn't, every single observation felt like a barb aimed directly at his ego.

And then he read between the lines.

There was...some pretty helpful tips here and there. A few arceticual references. Reflections on history bits. Madara had half a mind to send the letter to the Nara to crack the fucking code cause while it definetely was a brutal opinion on their village...it also provided more than a few reference points to fix it.

Signed, the White Fox.

[eldrai]

Not Worth It

Whumptober 2021 - day 3 - prompt: insult

Character: Reid

Warnings: ableism, r-slur, brief/mild homophobia

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Spencer isn’t naïve. He is young and he looks young but he isn’t stupid. He hadn’t graduated with the expectation that because he was older, had qualifications to back him up, the world would collectively mature in kind. After all, he’d gained his relative immunity to insults because it hurt less to let them taunt him than it had to confront them and end up shoved in a locker or tied up on the football field.

He had hoped things might be different. Not expected. Not assumed.

Just hoped.

ao3 / masterlist

“—were actually invented in the early fifteenth century, though the first versions were, uh, significantly more spherical and made of a wood like beech. It’s also highly likely they used cows’ hair inside leather—”

The cop – Maciewicz – nudges the officer beside him. “Does he ever stop talking?”

Spencer is fairly sure the jab is intended to be audible. It’s an interesting social convention, that sort of insult, where everyone including the target hears it but the person who said it can’t be called out on it because they supposedly directed it at nobody in particular. Interesting, and very high-school of them: Maciewicz is closer to forty than thirty and beginning to bald, and the stale remnants of cigarette smoke follows his colleague wherever he goes.

It doesn’t offend Reid these days. Attending a public LA high school is its own distinct circle of hell but doing so at nine? University at twelve? He’s been called most names under the sun and petty insults don’t get under his skin like they used to.

Which isn’t to say they aren’t annoying.

What he hates the most is the variety of people who insult him: they all have different reactions, different sore spots, and getting them to go away isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. Reid has dealt with enough bullies to understand that ‘ignore them and they’ll go away’ is useless, if not downright dangerous advice, but there is a whole spectrum of solutions which may or may not work. Get it wrong, and they just grow more persistent.

Spencer isn’t naïve. He is young and he looks young but he isn’t stupid. He hadn’t graduated with the expectation that because he was older, had qualifications to back him up, the world would collectively mature in kind. After all, he’d gained his relative immunity to insults because it hurt less to let them taunt him than it had to confront them and end up shoved in a locker or tied up on the football field.

He had hoped things might be different. Not expected. Not assumed.

Just hoped.

Of course they aren’t.

He pays them no mind and continues to explain the significance of the golf balls their unsub keeps leaving behind. If they didn’t want him to talk, they shouldn’t have asked for his opinion.

This seems like a fairly straightforward case and with any luck, they’ll only have to tolerate the local police department for a couple of days more.

He may have jinxed it.

(Once when they had come to take his Mom to inpatient, Spencer had overheard someone at the front desk talking lowly to someone else, and her words had stuck with him: see, that’s what you get for saying it’s quiet today!

That was always the gist of what was said on TV hospital dramas too. Police chaos isn’t all that different from hospital chaos, he thinks. There’s always too much of it and it’s unpredictable in its unpredictability.)

The curveball this time is their unsub is not a lone male but a male-female duo – he carries out the kills but under her direction. Classic submissive-dominant dynamic. The thing with pairs is they crack. Bend under the pressure until they break and lives are lost in the collateral damage.

Case in point: Marcy Edgeworth, aged twenty-four, Caucasian female, death by blunt force trauma. She is the first female victim and the first to have been left to lie where she’d died. That isn’t a good sign. No indication of sexual assault pre- or post-mortem but there is an incomplete ring of bite marks just beneath her right collarbone, exposed due to her torn shirt.

“What, never seen a naked girl before?” Jamison – Maciewicz’s colleague – mutters. Just low enough for Spencer to hear as he is trying to get on with his job, unlike a certain pair of officers.

“Woman,” he corrects, for her age, “and yes, I have.”

He hopes the lightness in his tone offsets the brusqueness. Spencer shifts his crouching into kneeling and leans forwards to examine her hair. It’s an artificial red – her roots and her eyebrows are blonde – and their previous victims have all had brown hair.

“Only counts if it’s outside a morgue,” Maciewicz chimes in.

He ignores them but their gaze burns the back of his head, and their presence has his guard raised. They stand behind him and their shadows stretch out over the grass either side of him. They’re going for a reaction, Spencer assumes.

Biting is an interesting thing without an accompanying sexual assault. If nothing else it gives them a good estimation of their male unsub’s teeth. The impression he’s getting from the scene is one of interruption, an impulse kill whose victim he had to leave too soon. It is a public park and it was an early-morning dog walker who found her – likely a jogger or someone on a night shift.

Jamison clears his throat once, twice, then taps him on the shoulder. Spencer rears away from his touch. People never ask, they just do.

“Yes?” he asks.

“Oh, nothing,” Jamison says. “I – we – we were wondering why you do that… thing.”

“What thing?” Spencer asks.

Jamison gestures. “You know, the – you know.”

Is that some sort of punchline he’s missing? Spencer glances over at Maciewicz and finds a mild amusement. Nothing to indicate he should be laughing, nor should he know what they do mean.

Maybe he’s missing the cue. He’s better at it these days, but not perfect.

“No, I don’t.”

With a furtive glance at the precinct’s captain, deep in conversation with one of the forensic technicians, Jamison sighs. “The thing with your hands, the—” He shakes his hands in an exaggerated manner.

Spencer’s hands still. He hadn’t thought it was very noticeable and more to the point, Jamison is definitely overexaggerating it like kids in middle school used to do. Only back then they had his unusual gait and meltdowns to mock too. “I don’t do that,” he says firmly.

(He’d answer it if it was a genuine question. Respectful. He loves people who ask out of genuine good intent. They are few and far between.)

Maciewicz snickers.

“Yeah, you do,” Jamison says. “I want to know why, that’s all.”

“Makes you look like a retard,” Maciewicz adds.

…and there it is.

He goes cold from head to toe. It never fails to make him feel as if someone has just dumped a bucket of water right over him, washing away his enthusiasm and excitement and everything else he values. Leaves the bare bones, the weirdness, each of the hundred ways he never quite fits in.

Spencer hates the word.

Because they don’t care about his IQ or eidetic memory or reading skill when they say that, and they don’t care after he tells them.

Nobody calls him that because they think he is. They say it to hurt him.

He wishes it wouldn’t.

Despite how often he’s heard it, he never has a response. His mind goes blank and all he can pull from it is the roots – re,from Latin: back, and tardus, from Latin: slow – as if they give a damn about etymology. As if that’s a normal person’s response. Today is no exception so it’s a blessing when Morgan wanders over.

“You got anything, pretty boy?” he asks. Maciewicz and Jamison snort. If Morgan hears it, he pays it no mind. “They found a guy’s baseball cap over there. No hair but it looks like it’s our man’s.”

And once again, his mind goes blank. Makes you look like a retard. He’d been thinking about – the bite mark, yes, what does that indicate? Spencer catches his hands moving and shoves them in his pockets before they can. “He was interrupted,” he says. “It explains why the bite isn’t complete and why he didn’t notice he’d left his hat.”

Morgan nods. “The person who found the body didn’t recall seeing anyone else around, so you think he’d just left before they got there?”

���Probably,” Spencer says. “I think the woman might be blonde. If they got into a fight, he’d be stressed, he’d be thinking about her. Maybe she reminded him of her.”

“Could be the hair, could be something else,” Morgan says. “He won’t have talked to her, not if he hit her from behind.”

“What if they did? She could have walked away—”

“Maybe,” Morgan says. “But if her hair was dyed, he wouldn’t see that unless they were up close, right? He’d initially go for her because she’s got red hair, not blonde. And if they did talk, Prentiss says no woman’s gonna just turn her back on a strange man. Especially in the middle of the night with no-one around.”

It’s a valid point, and it isn’t condescending. Nonetheless it hurts. Spencer studies the ground for a long moment and tries to forget (retard) Maciewicz and Jamison. “The unsub isn’t going to be someone he’s sexually attracted to,” he says. “He didn’t assault her, and if the victim reminds him of the other unsub, he’d probably have tried to even if someone interrupted him before he really could.”

A burst of laughter from Maciewicz and Jamison. His cheeks go hot with embarrassment—they must be talking about him, what else is there to laugh about? Morgan follows his gaze. “There a problem?” he asks.

Maciewicz holds up his hands in mock surrender. “No, no. Just… the hell is that about, ‘pretty boy’?”

Morgan shrugs. Spencer isn’t sure if it’s as casual as it looks.

“Well, makes sense,” Jamison says. “Course he’s gonna freak out over a naked girl if he doesn’t swing that way.”

…oh, great.

Spencer doesn’t mind exactly what they say as much as the implication—that they know, that they’re entitled to know his sexuality. How they say it as if gay is equivalent to bad. Once again, how utterly high school it all is. And he knows Morgan isn’t going to appreciate it either, probably more insulted on his behalf than Spencer himself.

“And you care, because...?” Morgan says, looking back and forth between them.

“I don’t,” Jamison says.

“He’s…” Maciewicz stammers, “…you know.”

“Smarter than you?��� Morgan suggests. “Better at his job than you? A better person than you?”

“You don’t have to stick up for him,” Jamison says. “Must get annoying to deal with a re—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer interrupts. It isn’t. It really isn’t but it isn’t worth the conversation. How tiring it gets to deal with it, how much easier it is to walk away. These officers aren’t going to change their worldview on disabilities all of a sudden. “Morgan.”

Morgan takes in his posture, the unnatural stillness as he forces himself not to fidget, though the look in his eyes doesn’t fade. “The only people I don’t want to ‘deal with’ are both of you.”

The men share a look – not so much chastened as disappointed their fun was interrupted – but they do back off.

“They already seem to think I’m incapable,” Spencer says irritably. “I said it was fine, I didn’t need you to say anything.”

He crouches down to examine the bite again.

“It didn’t matter,” Spencer says. His hands itch and despite needing to, he can’t bring himself to move. Makes you look like a retard.

“Does if it bothers you,” Morgan insists. “And it did, don’t look at me like that.”

He sighs. They’re not even there any more, the two cops out on patrol and them revisiting the penultimate crime scene. “I’m used to it.”

“And?” Morgan says. “Just because you are doesn’t mean you have to put up with it—”

“It was five minutes at most,” Spencer points out. “Everyone else was fine.”

“Yeah, and they were dicks.”

He shrugs.

“What else did they say?”

Spencer rolls the fabric of his sweater between his fingers and feigns ignorance. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what else did they say when I wasn’t there, ‘cause they said something.”

“Makes you look like a retard.”

He doesn’t mean to say it – wasn’t sure what he had planned to say, but it certainly wasn’t that – but he says it nonetheless, his tone mimicking the disdain and irritation. And now Morgan definitely isn’t going to believe him if he says he’s fine and it’s going to make the situation worse to explain that he mostly is, he just hasn’t heard it for a while, he’s used to it.

Stupid echolalia.

“Like I said,” Morgan says, “they were dicks.”

Spencer doesn’t point out being rude doesn’t automatically mean lying. “I’ve heard worse.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t give them the right to say stuff like that.”

He rocks back on the balls of his feet. His hands aren’t co-operating but the swaying motion is a good substitute. “I’m okay.”

“You know,” Morgan says casually, “whenever you lie, you stand exactly the same way.”

Spencer looks up. The expression on Morgan’s face falls somewhere between sadness and sympathy but, he thinks, not pity. It’s a nice change.

“Kid, the only thing you’re gonna get from pretending you’re OK is worse,” Morgan says. “It’s not worth it. Not for anyone but especially not morons like that.”

“It’s not worth it,” Spencer repeats. The words catch in his thoughts and he murmurs it again and again and Morgan isn’t even slightly annoyed at him.

(It isn’t worth it—he knows this—but maybe it is. Just a tiny bit. Just for the part where he has friends who tell him things like this, who don’t mind when he’s awkward. Who don’t mind him.

Friends who say nothing about it but when they get back to the station, the pair are getting chewed out by a pissed off captain.)

A/N: I had trouble getting this to flow as well as my other ones, there's something about it I just can't figure out. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it.

[belphegor1982]

Got tagged by @kabbal to post the first line of ten fics 💜 Merci ^^ Sometimes I cheated because me shhh

Bœuf Bourguignon (Hogan’s Heroes): “ It should have been such a beautiful morning, really, Schultz reflected in retrospect. The weather was quite mild, the trees around the camp were wearing their most lovely autumn colours, and, best of all, there hadn’t been a single hint of Barracks 2 monkey business during the night.”

Sur le fil du rasoir (Kaamelott): “Au départ, Arthur n’était plus chaud que ça.”

Wake (Discworld): “ It struck Tiffany, as she stared at Rob Anybody through the not-quite-darkness of the mound, that she had hardly ever seen a Nac Mac Feegle motionless.”

Valse à Trois Temps (The Mummy): “ As far as Elizabeth McAllister can remember, she’s always been a little bit quiet, a little bit shy, and just a little bit lonely.”

Avuncular (The Mummy): “ A tomb was no place for a small child, Evy had said, and Jonathan agreed wholeheartedly. So did Rick, who, despite admitting that the necropolis felt nowhere as evil and dangerous as Hamunaptra had, was still unwilling to bring Alex inside.”

Giosuè (Don Camillo): “ Rain had started to fall before dawn and it was still coming down in buckets when Don Camillo left the church after morning Mass. He had barely taken off his hat when he heard a faint rapping at the rectory door.”

Shocks That Flesh is Heir To (The Mummy): “There’s something in Hamlet about how tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty place from day to day. Or maybe it’s Macbeth.”

La plage (Kaamelott): “La chance, ça n’existe pas. Ou tout du moins, c’est le genre de chose à laquelle on peut toujours donner un petit coup de pouce. Ça, Venec le sait bien : ça fait des années qu’il se sert de la foi que les crédules ont en “la chance” pour leur faire les poches d’une façon ou d’une autre.”

The Chimaera in the Attic (The Mummy): “Don’t be so loud,” whispers Jonathan, and Evelyn does her best to pin him with the most beady glare she can manage in the dark. It’s not so easy as it used to be. Jonathan has grown a lot in the past few months, and Evelyn remains somewhat on the small side for an eight-year-old girl.”

Beside the Side of the Silvery Sea (The Mummy): “There was something about the proximity of the sea, Jonathan decided, that turned even perfectly well-behaved children into tightly-wound human springs. Or jumping beans. Even Evy hadn’t been immune when they were kids.”

Tagging @tinydooms, @rose-of-pollux, @radarsteddybear and @thisstableground :o)

[slashingdisneypasta]

Trenderman || Headcanons

Mercury Poisoning + General HC’s

Explanation: So I accidentally did general Trender headcanons instead of Trender x Fashion designer reader headcanons (Yes I’m that ditzy) so I’m just gonna post these here and pretend I meant to XD 

Warnings: Mercury poisoning, family’s reaction to horrible illness, mouth sores, anxiety, hand/head tremors, memories, insomnia (All the aforementioned triggers stop being an issue after you see this ~*~ signal. After that, its just random general HC’s ^^) 

~~~

HE HAS HAD MERCURY POISONING BEFORE! Oh boy, I’ve wanted to talk about this in depth for forever but I can never get my thoughts together. The day I manage it, watch out.

Basically, though, Trender is in love with fashion (Obviously). The whole industry, but mostly prac- he loves to design, and create, and be amongst other people who design, and create. So he’s never been a big-wig store CEO or anything. He has always and will always be a worker (Even if he opened up a small boutique or even chain of boutiques. He’d be the manager that’s out with everyone else, on the floor, as often as possible.) and he’s worked far more than his fair share of factories.

Including those factories that used lots of mercury in their felt making. He contracted a terrible case of the ‘mad hatters’ disease through this (Ironically, he literally caught his case during a serious hat phase he was enjoying. Yes, Trender was literally the Mad Hatter.) and since his literal monster of an immune system was about to fight off the disease for a long time (During which time he watched friends and colleagues alike fall to the illness, in total confusion and grief), when he finally started suffering from the symptoms, they were bad. Like, he had one of the worst cases ever.

Splender and Slender took care of him during this time. Offender too, whenever he was in town (And he did visit a lot more often than before) but it’s never been in him to devote himself to others. When he was there, though, he didn’t leave Trenders side. Or, at least, the hallway that his room was on.

His symptoms included:

o   Sores in his mouth that caused a permanent metallic taste, muscle pain. Made even worse by his mania- always wanting to move. And do something. Usually sowing, either by hand or with a machine but he would also suffer outbursts where he would really move, and those are what put his muscles in the most pain.

o   Irritability + lack of patience. Splender was totally patient with him and endlessly kind, of course, but this did cause some nasty, horrible fights with Slender. Slender of course new that it was just the sickness but after a certain point his patience wore totally 2D, plus he was hurting from watching Trender be sick like this and stifling those feelings.

o   Introversion and shyness. He would often hide away in his room / cell cuz of course he wasn’t allowed to go places on his own, or at all to extreme lengths and it got to the point that he would only say 2 words if Splender came in (No one else), if they were lucky.

o   So much anxiety. Splender would do all he could to help him get through it but the attacks lasted days. All they could do was standby, keep his space clean, and continue to empty his vomit bucket.

o   Struggle with focusing on anything. He would keep going, of course, because even terribly ill Trender is determined, but it would get messy.

o   Tremors. In his hands (Which made the cuts he always accidentally gets on his fingers even worse), and his head.

o   Memory loss was one that hit Offender the worst.

o   He would also go days without sleeping. And I’m not gonna lie, Slender did resort to hitting him in the head whenever Splender wasn’t around to just make him get sleep (Cuz the insomnia made everything else 10 times worse).

o   His movements were also all over the place. Jerky.

It last years. At least 2-3 decades.

Wow, I did actually get a bit into this. Oh well. Okay moving on from this sadness.

~*~

If he were to be represented as a planet, he would be Earth.

If they were to be represented as colours, Trender and Slender both would be grey. Because while their brothers are definitely completely different sides of the spectrum, hot and cold (Splender would never do something evil to anyone else and Offender would never do anything good for anyone but himself), Trender and Slender are different kinds of mixed. Slender leans heavily towards black and Trender leans heavily towards white, but they would both do things that counteract what they try to be.

He really hates when people try to define him. He’s not just the ‘fashion’ brother. He’s so much more; He’s Trender. Stop trying to stick him in a box he just doesn’t fit. It hurts, and its frustrating.

He is a self-sacrificing shit. I mean, at least Splender will keep himself safe in a dangerous situation because knows people need him- it would take Trender exactly 2 seconds to throw himself between a random stranger and a car, or cockily dare someone to shoot him whether he knows for sure that they wont or not if it means he could possibly psych them out or distract them so someone else can escape.

He’s also a, uh *Cough* Icarus-Type. He’s willing to risk the danger if it means he’ll fly. In other words, man is a DAREDEVIL.

He can take a mighty beating. Like, have you ever seen Alfred Pennyworth in Fox’s Gotham? Trender’s fighting style, attitude, and philosophy is exactly like that. He has a really good technique and he’ not afraid to fight, at all, but if he knows someone is stronger then him then he’s not at all afraid of outlasting them, either.

He’s a city boy at heart, but do not get him wrong- he’s a rural man at his roots.

Once, Slender was being his dickface self so Trender went under protest. He said, he would not leave the Slender’s toilet until Slender agreed to apologise to Splender and mean it (And *cough* make them dinner). And since Slender refuses to toilet outside or on any toilet other then his own (how unsanitary), it worked. Slender did try to just go in and do his business whether Trender was there or not but Trender anticipated this and had sat himself, draws down on the toilet, so Slender came in, saw, and immediately left again with a strangled scream.

Offender snickers. “Hey Trender, you remember that time you held Slender’s toilet hostage and then whipped your dick out when you weren’t getting what you wanted from him?” “Offender that’s not what happened, but… yes.” Slender, across the room, shakes himself to be rid of that particular horrifying memory that his dear big brother bestowed upon him. “Mmmeurrrg- “ “And I’d DO IT AGAIN, SO SHUT UP SLENDER.”

[puppyexpressions]

Dog Bucket List: 45 Fun Things to Do With Your Dog to Make Him Happy

It’s not for nothing that our furry friends are often referred to as human’s best friend. They’re incredibly loyal, caring and earnest, and their love is unconditional like no other. Thus, it’s only fair we also treat our doggies like they’re our best friends; it’s a spot they’ve rightfully earned, after all. And that means there’s so much more we could be doing together with our dogs to make them (and you) happy beyond the basics. That’s why I have put together this fun bucket list of things to do with your dog, so that you and your furry best friend can get into some awesome dog-friendly activities together!

1. ✧ Stay at a Pet-Friendly Hotel

There are plenty of places where your pooch is welcome to stay, just do a simple search for pet-friendly accommodations. You will find hotels and log cabins, as well as a cottages and cute glamping tents. Pick one and have a memorable getaway with your pup.

2. ✧ Learn a New Trick

Depending on how long you’ve been training him, your pup likely already knows how to play fetch and roll over. Those are just the most basic of tricks that you could teach him though. There is also the army crawl, the salute, and the handstand which can leave other owners impressed once your doggy has mastered them.

3. ✧ Dress Up for Halloween

Halloween can be a fun holiday to enjoy together with your pup. The stores are bursting with simple costumes for dogs, like different kinds of cute headbands that’ll easily transform them into a dog-dragon or the like for the night. A quick search for dog costumes on Amazon will pop up a ton of different options as your dog’s costume, such as reindeer ridden by Santa, mail carrier, ghostbuster, dinosaurs, Maleficent, and the list goes on.

And naturally, it is a must to take a million photos of you and your pup in your Halloween outfits for the world to see.

4. ✧ Walk on the Beach

With the summer season well under way, there’s no excuse not to schedule a fun day out frolicking on the sand. There are plenty of dog-friendly beaches around the US that you could visit.

5. ✧ Have a Doggy Birthday Party

You should be able to lookup your pooch’s birthday on his pedigree. But, if your dog is a rescue or doesn’t have an exact birthdate, you can pick a date that’s convenient to you, so he can check off this activity on his dog bucket list. It would be wise to send out your invitations and make the cake early so you won’t end up going crazy over last-minute arrangements.

Don’t forget to buy a cute birthday hat and you can easily bake your own doggie cake with the Wheat-Free Peanut Butter Puppy Cake Mix.

6. ✧ Take Your Dog to Work With You

While not all workplaces allow it, for security, hygiene and other reasons, surprisingly many companies these days allow for their employees to bring their dog to work with them. And why not? A furry friend in the office makes the working day so much more fun and breezy!

Your dog will also enjoy the extra time spent with you, not to mention all the attention they’ll be getting throughout the day from your colleagues who won’t be able to keep their hands off from petting your doggy.

7. ✧ Ride in a Convertible

Just like you, your pup loves to feel the wind in his hair when cruising down the highways. The usual coupe or pickup is boring and confining though, so go on a drive in a convertible instead. Accessorize with cool sunglasses (like the QUMY dog goggles) as you bask in the sun and you will feel like celebrities who have all the time in the world.

8. ✧ Go Shopping Together at a Dog-friendly Store

Shopping no longer has to be an activity that you love to do but need to leave your furry bestie home for! Although certain stores, such as supermarkets, continue to be quite inaccessible to dogs, a wider range of stores accepting dogs, outside of pet shops, are beginning to arise all over. Just check online before you get going on your epic shopping trip!

9. ✧ Stand Up Paddle Board

If you haven’t already noticed, a stand-up paddle board just happens to fit more than one person, you can easily have room for a smaller sized dog. Honestly, teaching your pet to SUP may be one of the more challenging things to do on this list, but in the end it’ll be so much fun to paddle down a scenic river or on a smooth lake.

10. ✧ Do a Police Car Ride Along

Another one for extra special dog activities–for both you and the dog–is to go on a ride along in a police car. It can’t get much more exciting than that! It’s also totally safe to do, giving you a ton of first hand insight on what it’s actually like to be a police officer for a day.

11. ✧ Play Frisbee

If your dog already knows how to fetch a stick or a ball, it can be easy to advance a level with a Frisbee. Though Fido might have some difficulty with catching a flying disc at first, this is one thing to do with your dog that will require a little patience.

You can easily find a frisbee on Amazon, but the KONG Classic Flyer is one of the best-rated across the board.

12. ✧ Sleep on the Bed

Sleeping on the bed can be such a treat for your pooch, but don’t give into the temptation too much or they won’t sleep in their own dog bed! Some dogs will even chew up their beds so that they can spend more time on your bed—a very smart trick. Everybody knows that having your pooch lie in your bed with you is one of the best feelings in the world for you (and him), but once they start snoring, it might be time to kick them out of the bedroom!

13. ✧ Watch the Puppy Bowl

As tempting as it might be to switch the channel to watch your favorite American football teams going at each other, Super Bowl Sunday is the best time for you to binge-watch the Puppy Bowl with your pooch. Not only will you see puppies, but also other cute animal “tweeters” and “commentators”. You never know, you might find that squealing at fluffy furballs is a more enjoyable annual thing to do than screaming at sweaty athletes.

14. ✧ Have Breakfast in Bed

Is it your pup’s birthday? Or perhaps just a rainy and gloomy morning where you could both use a little pick me up? Having breakfast in bed together, all the while cuddling and maybe catching something comforting on the TV, sounds like a great way to treat yourself – and your pupper!

If you’re skilled with your hands and in the kitchen, try to whip up a breakfast that looks like you’re both having the same thing, but will be totally safe for your furry friend to eat. Some ideas for a dog friendly breakfast are cauliflower muffin bites, pancake puffs or these mini omelettes. Perhaps you’d like to enjoy the same treats for your breakfast – or at least the human version of them?

15. ✧ Take a Nap Together

Although a simple activity, apart from a good and long walk around the neighborhood, this is what you and your pup will love to do together the most! If possible, why not make it a regular thing even? It’s such an excellent way for both of you to recharge your batteries mid-day. So cuddle up and get to snoozing!

16. ✧ Visit a Nursing Home

There’s no denying the fact that playing with dogs can be therapeutic, especially to those who live in nursing homes. This is because friendly canines can encourage residents to leave the confines of their room and to recover faster from surgery or a stroke. Watching the older generation having fun with your pet is always worth the effort of driving to your nearest care home and it will be such a rewarding thing to do for everyone.

17. ✧ Eat a Gourmet Meal

I have eaten many incredible meals at memorable restaurants in my lifetime, but finding a restaurant that serves gourmet meals for dogs can be a challenge. Sometimes, it would be better off to prepare the food yourself, which should be fairly easy to do. There are several delicious dog friendly recipes on the web that can be easy to make, like peanut butter cookies, gourmet whole wheat dog biscuits and chicken jerky. 

18. ✧ Have a Steak Dinner

If breakfast in bed sounds like it could get messy or complicated really quick, you can’t go wrong with a steak dinner. And since your dog actually can eat the same dish as you this time around—though they may prefer it on the raw side—it’s an especially fun ‘date night’ between you and your best friend. Your doggie doesn’t need much more than a juicy hunk of meat to feel special and loved, and you’ll love to share a good steak with them, too.

19. ✧ Get a Doggy Massage

You’re not the only one who can benefit from a trip to the spa every once in a while; your canine friend can too! Many owners believe that a doggy massage can help to provide strengthened immunity, increased circulation, stress relief and improved digestion in their pets. You may not be able to get him a Thai massage, but definitely something more gentle will be available for your deserving best friend. So, schedule an appointment with your nearest animal massage parlor today to give your pup a well-deserved break after a hard day at the park of learn how to massage your dog yourself.

20. ✧ Get a ‘Pawicure” (AKA: Doggie Manicure)

Unlike us humans, our dogs probably don’t appreciate getting their nails cut as much as we do. But if you make an event of it, you might survive through it with less hassle. Google around for shops in your local area where you can go get a pawicure at, or follow these instructions to pamper and groom your pup from the comfort of your home. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to treat yourself to a mani-pedi as well!

21. ✧ Play Hide n’ Seek

Well, a dog friendly version of hide n’ seek, at least! Your pup may not understand the rules of the original hide and seek, but if you play it in a way that your dog can enjoy and easily follow the rules, you’ll both end up having a great time.

In the dog friendly version, instead of ordering your dog to go hide, or hiding yourself, you’ll hide his or hers favorite toy. Start with easy hiding spots and, as your pet gets the gist, you can increase the difficulty of where you hide the toy.

22. ✧ Play in the Leaves

Cleaning up your yard from the fallen leaves just got a whole lot more fun with the pup joining in on the game. You might not get a lot of actual work done, but you’ll get plenty of laughter out of it! And if you don’t have a yard, find a park or equivalent where there’ll be leaves to play around in.

23. ✧ Play Sock Tug-of-War

Got a pair of socks to spare? Tug-of-War is a fun game that you’ll be able to enjoy together, and you don’t even need to let your pup win! All you need are some socks that have seen their best days. You can play either with one simple sock, or you can use your socks to build a homemade version of a tug toy. If you don’t have some old socks, get him a squeaky sock monkey instead.

24. ✧ Be the Star in a Dog Calendar

Lots of organizations make calendars where owners can proudly display their pooches. The requirements for getting your pet in on the action can vary from place to place. Some clubs make it a contest to find suitable cover dogs while others are willing to print submissions. With companies like Shutterfly it’s also possible to create your own calendar with your favorite photos.

25. ✧ Swim in the Ocean

If Rover doesn’t already know how to swim, now is the best time for you to teach him. To make the training process easier and safer, make the necessary preparations such as providing clean water to drink, bringing a flotation vest, and establishing rest areas with a lot of shade. Start in a shallow part of the water then just coax him in farther with a toy or a treat. Using a positive tone of voice and giving lots of verbal praise can go a long way too. The Teaching Your Dog to Swim video with help you out!

26. ✧ Warm Up in Front of the Fire

This is an ultimate way for a human to cozy up on a cold evening, especially after a few hours spent outdoors getting your cheeks red in chilly weather. But you can count on your pooch to enjoy it every bit as much as you; the heat of the burning flames will warm him up, too, and it’s a great moment to spend together with you. Lay a towel, mat or a blanket on the floor, sit down and instruct your pup to come sit next to you, then wrap another blanket around the both of you, and enjoy some relaxing time together. 

27. ✧ Play in the Sprinklers

Owning a lawn can do more than just boost the curb appeal of your home. It also gives you plenty of opportunities to frolic with the furballs, particularly when you have a sprinkler system installed. Take note though that some doggies find it more interesting to chew, bite or dig your sprinklers so you might want to buy a few sprinkler toys,  like an inflatable shallow pool sprinkler or the crazy Tidal Storm Hydro spinning sprinkler that will have him entertained for hours!

28. ✧ Play With Your Favorite Toy Together

Every pup has a toy that they love and adore more than any other. It may be one that the doggy can enjoy playing with by herself, but it’s also one of the easiest things to do with your dog – and she’ll totally love having a buddy to pay with!

29. ✧ Have a Doggie Play Date

If you’ve noticed that your pup seems to want playmates of his own species, you can find him one by setting up play dates with other people’s pooches. This shouldn’t be a problem when you know a few pet owners in your area, but if you don’t you can search for one in dog parks or at doggy daycares. Should you decide to meet outside of those places, do it in neutral territory as you don’t want to end up having to break up any fights.

30. ✧ March in a Parade

Did you know that, especially around the holidays, there are dog parades arranged all around the country? How much fun does that sound like?! Your pup will get to don a costume and you’ll have a blast walking in the crowds, making new friends, both human and the four-legged kind. As parades are quite hectic, you may want to do some preparing and training with the pupper to get ready for the big day and have it go over smoothly and successfully.

31. ✧ Romp Around in the Snow

Although the winter time may feel cold and uncomfortable for going out for walks, there’s plenty of fun that can be had when there’s some snow on the ground. You’ll likely get to take the lead, but your pup will have the best time romping and jumping around in the snow with you, especially if you live in a region where you regularly get loads of it.

32. ✧ Hike a National Park

Generally, pets are permitted in National Parks (check each ones website to be sure!) but they typically have to be restrained on a leash not exceeding 6 feet in length. There are several reasons behind this NPS policy but the main point is to protect your dog along with park resources. To avoid any mishaps, remember to maintain proper trail etiquette including observing the rules for the right-of-way.

33. ✧ Have a Social Media Fanpage

You’ve probably heard of Boo the Pomeranian who has over 17 million fans on Facebook. Just like him, your pooch can become a social media superstar too! Start by taking lots of fun photos of your furry pal and post them on Twitter, Pinterest or Instagram. Or possibly even start a travel blog for your dog, but make sure you don’t make the beginning blogging mistakes I did! Take note to update the page on a regular basis and if there’s a high cuteness factor you should see the list of followers grow.

34. ✧ Take a Picture with Santa

A bit of a controversial opinion to some, but as a dog owner, at least one reading through this list, you definitely think of them as part of your family. Specifically, as one of the youngsters in the household. And therefore, getting a picture of the pup with Santa becomes a memory you’ll want to have and to keep!

35. ✧ Attend the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show

There is no better way to show off your amazing canine friend than by having him join this prestigious dog show. Apparently, cuteness alone won’t cut it in the big leagues though so you have to focus on improving other aspects such as cosmetic features and structure. This gives you all the more reason to drop by the animal spa every now and then, doesn’t it?

36. ✧ Try Something New Together

New ways to spend time together with our puppies keeps being thought of, so there will be plenty for you to choose from and try out to find the activities you and your dog will enjoy. Have you ever gone roller blading together? Or tried out dog yoga? Search Google a bit for some suggestions, possibly even list down all the best sounding ideas, and get started on trying out those new things to do with your dog!

37. ✧ Go on a Picnic

Some days you just want to relax rather than chase after Fido. The problem is that it’s highly unlikely that your pet will want to stay still for a long period of time. A picnic is the best way for you to meet in the middle. As he romps around in the grass, you can chow on some cake and roll on the blanket.

38. ✧ Dine on the Patio of a Dog Friendly Restaurant

When the weather gets great, you’ll want to meet with your friends for some great brunch or dinner on a gorgeous patio of one of your favorite restaurants. What about, if the restaurant is also a dog friendly spot, you took your pup with you the next time? It’ll be a fun experience and memory for both of you to have, and if it goes well you might want to even make it a regular thing, perhaps with just the two of you.  

39. ✧ Go Camping

Want to embark on a camping adventure in the wild but don’t want to leave Spot behind? No problem-just bring him along! That is, if he is trained well enough to handle the activity. If he barks a lot or tends to snatch food from other people, you will want to rethink your camping plans.

The How to Camp With Your Dog article will help to get you wilderness ready, and the check out these pet friendly campgrounds around the world.

40. ✧ Be an Extra in a Movie

Whether it’s just your pretty pup, or the both of you together, it’s surprisingly easy to find a spot for an extra in a movie (or a TV show). It’s also rather easy and simple thing to do, so there’s no need to worry about how to be an extra in a movie or that it’d be too much for the pup to handle. Instead, it could be quite fun and will serve as a unique opportunity and activity – and not just to you but to the doggy as well!

41. ✧ Go to a Dog Park

It can be a whole lot of fun to get your furry friend to socialize with other pets at a dog park. However, you need to have established a calm-assertive leadership over him by then. With this, along with remaining vigilant, you can rest assured that your dog will not become a fight magnet. For an extra addition to you dog park bucket list visit these 10 Amazing Dog Parks You Need to See in Your Lifetime.

42. ✧ Take a Boat Ride

Now that you’re done swimming in the ocean, you’ll want to drop by a lake too for a ride on a boat. But you have to realize that not all dogs may enjoy the experience. What you need to do is get him acclimated to the boat before the trip to minimize his distress about not having his feet planted on solid ground.

43. ✧ Take Obedience Classes

Even if your pup isn’t quite as bad as Marley from Marley & Me, no harm will come from taking some obedience classes. In fact, it may teach you things about your dog on a new level. And, additionally, it will also be of aid in committing to the other dog activities on this bucket list, with the pup as obedient and polished as can be.

44. ✧ Do Doga (Dog Yoga)

Now that you’ve ticked massages off the dog bucket list, you should also give doga a go. Though you may not be able to find a doggy yoga retreat and hot Bikram yoga is out of the question, doga is not limited to just doing a variety of poses together. It may also include eye-gazing to enhance the human-canine bond. Overall, it’s an experience that can help both of you to relax.

45. ✧ Eat a Doggy Ice Cream

OK, maybe you won’t want to switch to eating doggy ice cream yourself and instead stick to your regular flavors of Ben & Jerry’s. But thanks to the great creation of doggy ice cream, your beloved pup can now join in on enjoying the icy treat together with you. You can find sometimes find doggy ice cream at the freezer section of the supermarket, or you might want to try your own hand at making some?

These fun dog activities should definitely keep you busy and active with some of the best things to do with your dog. Try them out to see what makes him or her happiest, then you can keep repeating and rotating between the best ones! Most of all, have a blast going through this bucket list together with your best friend!

[thumbgarden]

How To Care For Raspberry Bushes In Fall

Whatever one may say, but autumn is on the doorstep, a month or two will pass and it will be possible to slip on the first frozen puddle. So why not start preparing our favorite plants, which gave us the harvest in the summer, for the real winter? Today, we will try to tell you in as much detail as possible about preparing raspberries for winter.

THE TWO FALL CARE PERIODS FOR RASPBERRY BUSHES In general, the autumn period, in any case, in relation to raspberries, can be strictly divided into two periods early and late. The first period, the early period is the end of August, when the weather is still quite warm. It begins immediately after the raspberries are harvested and have stopped growing, and although the wood can still show some growth activity, it is already in full swing for maturity to survive the cold winter. The second period, which begins when the first leaves fall, lasts until a very real frost when you certainly wouldn't go out in the street without a warm coat and hat. During this period, either the snowball actively molds or the soil freezes very deeply, if this very snowball has not yet appeared. What do raspberry shrubs do during this period? They try to complete the process of all the activities that occur to them as quickly as possible.

WHAT DO RASPBERRIES NEED IN THE FALL? I would like to start with autumn fertilization: the shrubs are exhausted and they give us a rich harvest, so why not thank them in return? The second action is, of course, pruning the knotty shoots and thinning them after eating the entire harvest. The third is mandatory preventive treatment against various pests and diseases. The fourth is watering, but watering with culture, watering - as needed, not every year. The fifth is shelter, where everything depends on the region, and in the middle of the United States, where raspberries grow, there is no shelter. But I will still explain how to do it correctly, at least in two sentences. The whole of these five points, that is a raspberry! They say plant and forget. But still, these five points should not be afraid at all. The raspberry is a strong crop that can withstand many vagaries of the weather, and it can come out of the woodwork even without human help.

Care for raspberry bushes in early autumn

1. Autumn feeding of raspberries It depends on the care of many things, such as the soil. If you have bad soil, it is perfectly possible to make potassium sulfate, you don't need much - only one teaspoon per square meter of raspberry soil. This may seem like a small thing, but if the same potassium sulfate is dissolved in water, on soil not characterized by fertility, it is likely to accelerate the maturation of the trees before a violent frost. Regarding fertilizer for raspberries: if you fertilize the soil well at planting, for example with humus or humus, then maybe you don't need a fall fertilizer? Limit it to potassium and that will be enough? Raspberry is a strong, tough plant, and it certainly prefers tasty and nutritious soil to poor soil, but also without excessive amounts of nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium, and I will tell you that it grows and sets quite well. If your plot has loose, fertile, permeable, permeable soil, then generally speaking, why spend the effort and money to apply additional fertilizer. Excessive fertilizers can cause mediocre stress on Raspberry bushes plants and will not strengthen their immunity, on the contrary, their immunity will be reduced, and therefore - and various diseases. So, let's do potassium, the dose we have already said. Let's go further - micronutrients, which is a rather different hypothesis. In winter and under the immunity of Raspberry bushes, the introduction of micronutrients will strengthen, and winter tolerance will increase. I safely recommend taking 3 grams of zinc sulfate and 5 grams of manganese sulfate (all this, of course, in 1 square meter of soil), surely without overdose.

2. Pruning raspberries Some people are afraid of this dreaded word - "pruning". And what's so scary about it? Well, the shoots of raspberries bear fruit, do their work, cut it to the level of the soil, so why take care of it? Besides, all the green shoots can be removed because they don't have time to mature and they will all freeze. Excess growth is also likely to be cut off. Those who work with raspberries have a golden rule: in addition to leaving the most powerful and strongest growth, shorten it by about a quarter (everything is clear here - so the raspberries will be lush), so also leave the same number of shoots as they cut off as a result, plus 20% (to be on the safe side). This is the tricky part. What are we trying to achieve with this method? We get a reserve, which is necessary for further growth of the Raspberry bushes bush to increase productivity, and if there will be heavy frosts and light snow, there will be a small reserve, which can always be removed in the spring.

Important note: the fruiting branches of the raspberry should be cut off below the roots, sometimes you can even dig it out a little and remove it and cover the area with fresh soil.

3. Watering raspberries in autumn In early autumn, the watering of raspberries should be reduced to a minimum until it stops completely. This is necessary for the shoots to lignify and not to freeze, otherwise, nutrient-rich soil is abundant water and they will still grow into the New Year. It is important to stop watering raspberries only when it starts to rain or when the soil freezes, but if the weather is dry and there is no frost, then you can give a bucket of water per square meter every other day. In general, it all depends on the season; here I am referring to watering: if it is said to be dry and rainy in August and September, then it is worth watering a bucket per square meter twice a month; never allow the root ball under the raspberries to dry out completely. When light frosts start to fall, it is advisable to treat the raspberries with a 2% Bordeaux mixture and to sprinkle some snow on the bushes if it has already fallen (just in case).

CARE FOR RASPBERRY BUSHES IN LATE AUTUMN

Temperatures here no longer exceed 32°F (0°C), the sun is further away, nighttime frosts are no longer rare, and leaves either fall off entirely or shrivel strongly - which means it's time to winterize your raspberry trees. Don't rush to deal with them, winter doesn't come suddenly or once and for all, everything happens in stages. For example, we mulched raspberry trees in cooler areas: a little cooler, but the sun came and looked, so it began to burn, that mulched with wood for those two or three days, soot may. Phase 2: Prevention - expel parasites and diseases that lurk over the winter.

1. Prevention of pests and diseases of raspberries For this, it is necessary to: remove all the garbage from the Raspberry bushes, burn all the broken branches, collect all the rotten berries and leaves in a pile and burn them too, as well as the ashes, which can be used as fertilizer with at least 5% of potassium, but still. If you are 100% sure about your plants and their health, then the leaves of raspberries should not be burned, but sent to the compost pile: decompose, well, and most importantly, the natural fertilizer will turn out. In the same period, you can re-treat the raspberry bushes with Bordeaux mixture, but rest assured, do not use two or three percent, take five percent of Bordeaux mixture and treat everything from bottom to top so that no pests remain (for example, the same aphids or spider mites). For maximum results, it is best to treat raspberry plants with Bordeaux mixture in sunny weather and without rain, preferably with dry shoots, and also without rain for at least a day after the treatment. Of course, if resources allow and there is no internal objection to treating plants with an approved insecticide, then it seems to work better for me.

2. Removing immature shoots from raspberries At this point, everything is easy and quick: take a sharp pruner and a cloth soaked in alcohol and remove all immature green shoots from raspberries, which have certainly not experienced winter, from shrub to shrub, wiping the alcohol leaves of the pruner to avoid infection. If they are not removed, they will freeze in the winter and start to rot in the spring, covered with mildew and the plant's immunity will be reduced.

3. The last watering of raspberries Yes, you could say that - farewell to the season of watering raspberries when the soil has not yet frozen. It is necessary to catch a warm day, and yes, according to forecasts, seeing that after a few days there is still no frost, it is simply pouring the soil, pouring out two-three buckets per square meter of Raspberry bushes. Why? Such watering will help to survive a severe frost, because we know that for a moisture-loving crop like raspberries, too much water in the soil increases winter hardiness, although not significantly. But sometimes even 30-40°F may be enough to keep plants intact and unharmed. If there is a long period of time, say a week, when it doesn't rain at all, then a few buckets of room temperature water can be safely poured under each bush and be fine - if it rains.

4. Mulch raspberries for the winter Now is the time to think about winter mulching of raspberries, which makes more sense for those areas located north of the U.S. central belt. Of course, here, it all depends on the variety - after all, it's not difficult to read whether it's winter hardy, but also on the winters in your area, and the amount of snow. After all, there may be nothing else to shade than snow. For example, you live in an area that is characterized by very snowy winters and moderate temperatures. So, is it necessary to cover raspberries or not? We see no such need. If it is possible, and the branches are neatly bent, you can bend them closer to the ground so that the snow covers them just right, and tie them to any vertical nails to secure them, which they suddenly do not unravel during the winter.

UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES DO RASPBERRIES NEED TO BE COVERED? First of all - you managed to buy a variety with very large fruits, a high yield, taste - very good. Then it is obviously thermophilic. Second - you have a very cold winter. Third - the winter is not characterized by critical temperatures, but almost no snow, and even when it does snow, it either melts or sweeps over somewhere under the fence or through the yard (kind of like an American winter). Fourth - you managed to buy a species without thorns - which is great, but the rodents will be happy too. Therefore, if you need to cover a bush, it is best to bend it and then evenly cover the top. In frosty weather, bushes should not be mulched; they will burst like matchsticks. Also, you can't bend it to the ground; in my opinion, it should be at a 45-degree angle, so that's a good compromise. Before bending a raspberry bush, I recommend hammering the most basic wooden hook into the ground, then simply wrapping the bush with twine and tying it to the hook, slowly bending and pulling up the twine. Give it a day to rest and "get used to it" literally and try pulling up the twine after a day or two, and if it goes and you get an extra 1 inch or so, that's great. If not, you should first cover the raspberry with fleece and then protect it from mice with a net, or at least put in spruce branches, but that won't help much if they are fresher and more frequent, otherwise, the needles will fly off quickly. People living in northern areas who want to grow raspberries have no choice but to simply cover them with soil and make a kind of mound. Perhaps on the ground and in the snow, raspberry bushes will survive your extreme winters. In the event of snowfall, but it can be less, build a sandbox-like thing while hiding around the Raspberry bushes so that the snow fills all the gaps and piles up without running off. You can use old plywood, honeycomb polycarbonate, or whatever you have on hand as a barrier. If there is a risk of a mouse infestation, you may want to stock up on poison bait and fir wood. Of course, the last ones we listed are for very severe winters. I'll say it again: there's a whole raspberry in the middle of the US that winters so well and produces so well that she needs minimal care, but still needs it.

#ThumbGarden #Gardening Tips #Fruits #How to grow #Raspberry #Bordeaux Mixture #Bushes #Fall #Autumn #Tips #Shrubs #Trees #Orchard #Garden #UrbanGarden #LargeGarden #MediumGarden #SmallGarden #Outdoor Garden #Pests #Fertilize #Watering #Pruning #Plant Care #Care

Author: Ms.Geneva Link: https://www.thumbgarden.com/care-for-raspberry-bushes/ Source: ThumbGarden The copyright belongs to the author. For commercial reprints, please contact the author for authorization, and for non-commercial reprints, please indicate the source.

[alchemy-fic]

DELETED scenes from 88 and 89

The doorbell rang.

  “MARI, who is it?” Eggman called.

“It’s… it’s your mother and she looks very upset.” MARI answered. “Do I enter lockdown mode?”

“Uh, no.” He escorted the Mobians to the operating room to wash up. He ran to Sheptilah and took her hands in his. “Please. Please be nice to Mama. She’s very abrasive but the sooner you meet her the better. It’s like ripping off a scab. She’ll leave on her own when she gets bored.”

“How bad can she be?” Tilly asked.

Eggman pulled her into the elevator and got off on the ground floor. “Just promise me you won’t hurt her and you’ll be patient.”

“Of course, Ivo.” Tilly cocked a brow.

“MARI, I want all the robots to treat Mama with respect. She’s still family so no blasting her, got it? Just keep her happy.”

“Yes, sir.” MARI answered.

Eggman threw open the door.

Before him stood a shorter, heavy set woman with the same luxurious mustache as her son. Her pink and white dress did not match her oversized teal church hat or her black pumps. She had the same black sclera and red irises as her son and spoke with a deep, booming voice. Her lipstick was expertly applied as was her eyeshadow. In her hand she carried an old, beat up suitcase.

“Mama!” He said through a forced smile.

“Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding, you slime bucket!? Just when were you going to tell me you got married!? ” She hollered. “I had to find out in the Mobius Home For Really Bizarre Mothers from some river rat’s bubbie that you got hitched! Is this the girl?” The woman spat.

“Mama, this is Sheptilah, my wife.” He gestured at her.

“Why does she look like Cher but with the colors inverted? Did you marry some dirty hippie? You didn’t even ask my permission to marry someone! How do I know if she’s any bad for you?”

“Mama, you will be pleased to know that Sheptilah is a  queen .”

“Oh, that explains it. You married a  goth  queen. Who else would mix black lipstick, heavy black eyeshadow and  white hair?”

 “I’m wearing kohl.” Tilly crossed her arms. “It’s my custom, I’m not  goth . My people never invaded the Roman empire.”

 “... Not  visigoths , girl.” Mama looked at her with a furrowed expression, one eyebrow cocked. “It’s like you aren’t… from this time. Nobody calls it kohl anymore...”

“She’s a  real queen… It’s a nation near Iran.” Eggman interjected.

 “Oh,  great  . Why haven’t you taken over the world or gone to war? However many goats he traded for you it was  too many, little girl.” She blew past the couple and trudged into the kitchen to fix herself a snack.

Eggman looked at his wife apologetically.

“That is not abrasive.” She hissed under her breath. “That’s  virulent . Also, I’m worth many, many goats.”

“I’m sorry. I love you, but  please handle her until I’m out of surgery. I’ll make it as quick as possible.” He trotted after his mother.

Sheptilah took her time following them.

    “Mama, I’m about to go help perform surgery on someone upstairs. In the meantime my wife and the robots will take care of your needs.”

“I didn’t raise such a wuss. Go, do your  totally real surgery thing. I’m sure it’ll be all your robots and not your own handiwork.” She popped open a soda and guzzled it.

“Mrs. Eggman…” Sheptilah said, watching her husband leave the room.

Ivo winced and broke into a sprint.

“My name is Sylvia Robotnik! My slimeball of a son changed his last name years ago because he was ashamed of our family name.” She tossed the empty can over her shoulder.

“My apologies, Mrs. Robotnik.”

“You, girl, will call me Madam.” She piled on random ingredients to make a giant, disgusting sandwich.

“Right, sorry.”

“So if you’re a queen why do you live here in this dump?” She knocked the refrigerator door closed with her hip, making the appliance rattle.

“Truthfully,” she hesitated, “I am a five thousand year old queen and my kingdom doesn’t really exist anymore.”

“Of course you are. So why would my loser son marry you? Oh, no. Did he knock you up?”

“Ivo is not a loser,” Tilly grit her teeth, “And I am not pregnant.”

“He’s a loser, sweetheart; but you’re avoiding the question. Why would he marry  you? ”

“Because he loves me?”

“Ivo doesn’t know  how to love! I didn’t raise him to be sappy and sentimental! And what’s he trying to pull by being buff now?” She sat down to eat.

Sheptilah picked up the can and put it in the recycling bin.

“How are you even that old?” Sylvia practically ate the entire sandwich in one slobbery bite without chewing.

“I’m a  witch and I was kept in a crystal for five thousand years until Ivo stumbled upon me and brought me home.”

“Oh, I see. You don’t have much experience with men! That’s why you decided to tie the knot with my loser son.”

  “Madam, I think you don’t understand. He’s built himself an empire and controls almost every continent from right here in this lair with his Egg Bosses. He’s a  literal  emperor. He has a base on the  moon . The moon!”

“So? What has he ever done for his mother?”

Tilly groaned in frustration. She balled her fists then relaxed. “Do you just not like me because I’m  brown-skinned ?”

“What? No, I don’t like you because you’re a hippie! Look at you recycling and cleaning and whatever else it is you do. I bet that ugly garden out back was your idea.”

“Hmm…” Sheptilah mulled this over. She switched gears.

“What?”

“I think you would like something to eat, yes? I make great honey cakes.”

“How good of a cook can you be? You are a string bean.” Sylvia looked her over suspiciously.

Sheptilah summoned a plate of piping hot fried dough and a pot of honey. She drizzled the golden liquid over the cakes and slid it toward Sylvia.

“I am a woman of many talents, Madam.” Sheptilah then summoned gold coins into her hands and turned them into brilliantly cut gemstones. “Your son and I have plans for world domination, we are just busy with other things at the moment.”

Sylvia pushed the plate away. “Parlor tricks. Not very impressive. I’m growing bored with you, girl.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to level this whole island to build a poorly designed parking lot with a ton of toll booths, for one. Then I want that stupid hedgehog caught and killed.”

“Are you talking about Sonic?”

“Yes! That pest! Always interfered when I tried to help my son get ahead in life. Do I smell cookies?”

“Yes, right this way.” Tilly escorted her to the dining room. “I made this tea myself.”

“Brew a fresh pot! I don’t know how long this has been sitting out here; and I want more cookies!” She practically inhaled the plate of leftover madeleines. “Don’t get any of your gross hair in them, either.”

“Right away,” Tilly left for the kitchen with the teapot. She washed it out and gathered some ingredients for a different brew.

Lavender, bergamot, catnip and lemon balm were added and boiled to extract flavor. As she poured the strained, boiling tea into two cups she whispered into one.

“ This tea as it passes lips, shall cause exhaustion with each sip. Every flavor strong and steep shall

curse the drinker into sleep. ”

Faint sparkles appeared as she blew across the tea. They disappeared and both cups looked identical again. Sheptilah turned the cursed tea cup so that the handle pointed inward and she could tell the difference.

She used magic to summon new cookies and brought them to the table.

    Sheptilah placed the teacups on the table with a click and slid the cursed one to Sylvia.

The woman picked up the warm cup in her hands and inhaled deeply. “Smells awful!”

Sheptilah waited patiently for the woman to sip her tea but Sylvia lingered on her cup. “You’re a witch, right?”

“Yes.”

“Can you read tea leaves? I want you to read my fortune.”

“I can read tea leaves.”

“Well, go get some so you can do that!” Sylvia put her cup down but kept her hands on it.

Sheptilah groaned and got up. She retrieved some tea leaves in a slotted spoon and came back. She tipped the leaves into Sylvia’s cup and set the utensil aside.

“What’s in this junk, anyway?” Sylvia took a sip and yawned. “The aftertaste isn’t bad, at least.”

Sheptilah smirked. “Bergamot, lavender, you know… tea stuff.”

Ivo’s mother rested her elbow on the table and leaned her face against her palm, sloppily swaying the

cup back and forth as if she was aerating wine. She watched the tea leaves spin in the vortex she created.

“Feeling tired?” Tilly asked in a somewhat antagonizing voice. Sheptilah sipped her tea primly.

“Yes, it was a long trip up here.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Sylvia grinned mischievously and guzzled down the rest of the drink. “You’re too pretty for my son.”

 “Hmm?”

 “You’re too  pretty . You’re outrageously skinny, your hair is too long and you wear nice clothes. You’re too pretty for him.”

 “Do you mean to say I’m too feminine?”

 “Too fragile in looks but not personality.” She shot a pointed look at Sheptilah, a broad and evil smile drawn across her face. “I figured you’d try to poison me.”

Tilly stiffened up. She felt her chest grow warm and her eyes become heavy.

“I’m immune to all that from years of eating hospital food but I switched the cups  just in case .”

Sheptilah’s hands went numb. She dropped the cup and it shattered, spilling its cursed contents on the table. Sylvia stood and walked around toward the prone witch without letting the tea touch her.

“Ivo may be an idiot but he’s  my idiot and I know my idiots. I know he’d never settle for anyone who wasn’t as smart and conniving as him; but I’m disappointed with how weak you are. A garden, recycling, being clean and nice? It’s disgusting in all the wrong ways! If you really knew what you were doing you'd have cursed both cups.”

“I eviscerated Katella.” Sheptilah muttered. "I can and will kill  you , too."

“But you healed her and look what happened.” Sylvia pointed to the missing finger.

 “How do you…”

 “I have access to and read the EggNet, sweetheart.”

“How?” She struggled to stay awake.

“My son is predictable and never changed his passwords.” Sylvia gingerly brushed Sheptilah’s hair out of her face. “Are you dying?” The leaves stuck in her teeth made her smile look all the more menacing.

“No… It’s… sleep...”

“Too bad. Don’t worry,  I  won’t kill you.”

KORin entered the room. “Step away, Sylvia.”

“What the Hell are  you supposed to be?” Mama Robotnik rested her hands on her hips. “Some kind of maid bot?”

“I’m the bouncer. It’s time for you to go.” KORin fixed her eyes on the woman.

“Nah, no thanks.” Sylvia walked up to the robot. “Stand down, tin woman.”

“My orders are to protect the family. I am here to protect the empress. Leave.”

“See, that’s the thing. Who is higher up on the rung? The emperor or the emperor’s mother?”

“KORin… it’s okay.” Sheptilah shut her eyes. “It won’t last… long…”

“Are you sure?” The robot stared at the witch.

“Yessss...” She passed out.

“So? What are you waiting for?” Sylvia stomped her foot. “Let’s move the body and get started on world domination!”

 An hour into the surgery things were well underway and proceeding fine.

“Doctor Eggman?” Smiley looked up from his work when he saw the human move oddly out of the corner of his eye.

    The human swayed on his feet. “Maybe I was not ready to come back…” He sat on the floor away from the operating table and rubbed his temples. “Suddenly I’m exhausted.”

Lourdes jumped down and checked him over. “When did you last eat?”

“Not that long ago.” He answered.

“Stay here for a minute, okay? Until you feel better.” Lourdes went back to monitoring Maw’s vitals.

“This surgery is going to take at least five hours and I need you awake to supervise. Remember, if the cybernetics malfunction we could all get sucked in! That sounds terrible.” Smiley dug around in Maw’s gums.

Eggman shook it off and stood. “I’m fine, I think I just had some kind of blood pressure drop. It only lasted a spell.” He stretched until he heard the joints in his spine pop.

“Neurally mediated hypotension!” Smiley looked up. “You were standing still too long hunched

over and watching us. Walk around the room a bit, you’ll feel better.” The corgi went back to his work.

  “Wakey, wakey… your mother in law is ka-ray-zee.” Scourge shook the witch by the shoulders.

Sheptilah snored loudly.

“For God’s sake, lady! What happened?” He lifted her by her hair and slapped her face.

No reaction.

 “I wish I could sleep like the dead.” Scourge slapped his own forehead. “The living, I wish I could sleep like the living… Oh, fuck.” He noticed the cursed tea twinkled oddly in his vision.

“Fuck! Fuck. How do you break curses… shit.” Scourge wiggled his fingers in her direction. “Abracadabra!”

Nothing.

“Um... what did she fuckin’ say once?” He muttered to himself. “Hex breaking… it was some stupid bullshit…oh! Cayenne pepper! Anything fuckin’ spicy.”

Scourge floated into the pantry and knocked ingredients over haphazardly. When he found the pepper he grinned. Grabbing it, he tried to fly out of the pantry only to get stuck with the pepper not passing through the door.

    “Shit!” He struggled to pull it through, the bottle clanging against the metal. “Come. The. Fuck. On! Why does this work with people but not…”

The plastic bottle pulled through but without the powder inside inside it.

“Pepper. Right… that shit wards off ghosts. There must be no ghosts in fuckin’ Mexico...”

 He calmly opened the pantry and tried to scoop up the pepper but it simply passed through his fingers.

“This is so fucking stupid!” He howled.

He angrily floated to the table and picked up Sylvia’s unbroken teacup and poured it out onto the floor. He then went to the pile of pepper and tried to scoop it into the cup with the same fruitless results.

“Fine, we do this the hard way!” He grabbed Sheptilah by the underarms and dragged her to the pile and dropped her face directly into it.

He glowered when he heard Sheptilah snore loudly. After a second the witch sat up sputtering. She clawed at her face, tears streaming from her eyes and mucus from her nose. She vomited up the sparse contents of her stomach.

Scourge calmly walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of milk. He unscrewed the cap and doused Sheptilah over the head.

“What the Hell, Scourge!?” She choked.

“I just saved your ass, Sleeping Beauty. You’re a real idiot for trying to play the evil queen by cursing her tea. You should’ve cursed both cups and not drank from either!”

Sheptilah felt her way to the sink and washed her burning face. “I’m going to become a necromancer just to bring you back to life so I can slap you to death.” She sloshed some water in her mouth before spitting it out.

“The pepper got into my lungs!” She coughed deeply.

“You’ll heal. Listen… your mother in law is nuts! Nuttier than squirrel shit! Kick her out!”

“Scourge, I can’t breathe. I’m tempted to turn my lungs inside out and run them under cold water…”

“Wouldn’t that make you drown?”

“I can give myself gills!” She spat up a huge wad of phlegm straight into the sink and washed it down the drain.

“It’s the only way I was able to break the spell, ya ingrate.” He crossed his transparent arms.

“Thanks.” The burning began to subside. “What’s Sylvia doing?”

“Trashing the place. She’s already bossin’ Orbie and Cubey around and threw around a bunch of furniture; including the sofa.”

“The really big and soft one?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll have her head!” Sheptilah charged off, bumping into things with her eyes red and bleary. “Sylvia!” She called.

“I told you to call me Madam!” The woman shouted back. “I’m in the den, if you could call it that!”

    Sheptilah walked in to see Sylvia moving all the heavy furniture around with one hand.

Holy shit,  she thought.  That woman has the same strength as Ivo!

“So what happened to your kingdom, anyway? If you were a queen we should use this to our advantage.”

“Advantage for what? World domination?” Tilly crossed her arms. Scourge appeared next to her.

 Mama Robotnik let the sofa land with a hard thud. It was moved to the other side of the room blocking an exit.

“Giant parasites we sealed in the moon broke out when your son cracked said moon in half with his nonsense. They’re back and trying to kill everything but especially me. They’re causing all those wild earthquakes.”

“That’s your story?” The woman turned to Sheptilah and stared at her with disbelief.

“It’s true.”

“And how exactly has this prevented you two from taking over the world?”

“Well, we can’t take over a planet if something actively trying to destroy it is in our way. Once we get rid of those things we will decide what we want to do with the empire; but I won’t lie. I am considering expanding it.”

“By how much?” Sylvia cocked a brow.

“I want to convert my pyramid into a base and work on getting a large space station going.” Tilly nodded to herself.

“Small potatoes. Think bigger! Hold the sun for ransom!”

“He tried that once and it didn’t quite work out.”

“Moon for ransom?”

“He already tried that, too.”

“What about all the freshwater for ransom?”

 “Eh, pretty much did that.”

“The planet for ransom!”

“Yep. He did that. That one  almost worked.”

    Sylvia flopped onto the sofa with a disgusted sigh. “But the hedgehog got into the way.”

“Among other things.” Sheptilah stuck out her hip. “Ivo is smart but he often does things without thinking. It’s really not that hard to kill Sonic, he just doesn't want to.”

“See, that’s his problem! He has no killer instinct, but you seem to have a semblance of one.” Sylvia sat up and straightened her hat.

“I have personally executed six people.”

“One of which being the child ghost that is making faces behind your back?” Mama Robotnik smirked.

Sheptilah whipped her head around to see Scourge was acting cute and innocent. She squinted at him before turning back to face Sylvia. “I’m not proud of his death. He���s haunting me.”

“Neener neener nee-nee!” Scourge teased. “Nah, the haunting was revoked forever ago. I’m just here for fun now.”

Mama Robotnik stroked her sizable mustache. “Still, why would my son marry you? More importantly, why wouldn’t he tell me? ”

“Because it was supposed to be a  secret . We eloped. We’re not going public with the marriage until a later date. Trust me, he’d invite the world to come see his splendid wedding and get himself decked out and all that.”

Sheptilah sighed, tapping her upper arm with her fingers.

“We’re on thin ice with GUN because Shadow the hedgehog is my familiar, as you probably know.”

“Shadow? ” Sylvia thought this over. “ Gerald’s  Shadow? I remember when he was this big.” She held her hands apart by about a foot. “He was an ugly baby. He looked like a turd crossed with a raisin.” She grimaced.

Tilly chuckled. “Yes, that Shadow. I guess not everything is on the EggNet.”

“They executed Gerald, his creator, and Shadow works for GUN anyway?” Sylvia grit her teeth and her face turned red with fury.

“Yeah, after they kept him in stasis for fifty years, destroyed his memory and tried to kill him.” Sheptilah shook her head, “I have a feeling he won’t work for them much longer. GUN really, really hates that he’s my familiar but recognizes they can’t do anything about it.”

They stared at each other in silence for a while.

“So who is my son performing surgery on upstairs?”

“Maw the thylacine. He’s one of the Egg Bosses. His jaw is all messed up.”

    “Bah, when will he hire more humans? Who needs animals when you have human beings around? Besides you, of course. You barely count as a human; what with your alien magic nonsense and all that.”

Sheptilah rolled her eyes. “Well, it was nice having you for a visit but now you need to leave. We’re getting ready to bug bomb the place once Ivo’s done with the surgery and no living person can be here.”

“Oh, please! This place is spick and span! Clean as a whistle! It’s disgusting, really.”

“Madam... “

“Take my suitcase.” Sylvia threw it at Sheptilah. She barely caught it, the impact knocking the wind out of her. “And get the master bedroom ready. That’s where I’ll be sleeping. You and my moron of a son can sleep outside in your hippy garden.”

“He is not a moron.”

“He married  you , didn’t he?”

    Tilly adjusted her grip on the suitcase. “Scourge?”

“Yes?” The ghost smirked.

“Take this… and show her to her room.” She handed the spirit the luggage. Scourge understood and grinned at Sylvia.

“Right this way, Your Disgusting-ness!” Scourge bowed in a grand but obviously sarcastic gesture. He grabbed Sylvia with his free hand and dragged her through the walls and out of the lair.

“Don’t let her back in.” Sheptilah instructed MARI. “Please reactivate your and your sister’s bodies.”

“Thank God for you, mom.” MARI chirped.

Scourge came back, very proud of himself.

“Thank you, King Scourge. Fantastic work.”

“I love throwing people out on their asses.” he ‘dusted’ off his hands. “As long as spicy pepper isn’t involved I can do anything I want.”

“You may outgrow that cosmic ‘allergy’ as you get stronger.” Tilly giggled. “But you’ll always be affected by blessed salt.”

“I’m fucked if I ever go into a salt and pepper store.” He gestured like he was hanged with a noose.

 “MARI, how’s the wife doing?” Eggman said.

“She and Scourge just kicked your mom out.”

“It’s nice they’re getting along.” A pause, and then: “Wait, what?”

The lair rumbled.

“Jeepers creepers!” Smiley yelped. “Earthquake?”

“No, that would be my mother.” Eggman sighed. “Finish up with him; I’ll be right back.”

He hurried out of the room.

     “Sylvia!” The witch howled. “Put down the boulder!” She stood in front of MARI and KORin with her arms out protectively.

The hulking woman held the giant chunk of outcrop she broke over her head with little effort.

“No! You will learn some manners!” She broke the boulder in half simply by pulling it apart like stale bread.

“What kind of Mickey Mouse physics is that!? ” MARI cried.

“Girls, go back inside.” Tilly whispered harshly.

“No way!” MARI refused.

“You can’t do anything, MARI. It’s forbidden for you to hurt his family and unfortunately that’s family!”

“But we can still defend you.” KORin said.

“Do so from inside the lair. Maw’s still in surgery and he needs the protection. That’s an order!” Tilly ran in zig-zags, making it hard for Sylvia to aim the rocks. The robots lingered in the doorway before going inside.

    Mama Robotnik threw both stones at the same time, both just barely missing the witch.

Sheptilah looked up at the shadow darkening over her body. It was Mama Robotnik coming in elbow-first with a wrestling slam. Sheptilah, eyes wide, stared up for the split second it took for gravity to pull the massive woman downwards. All at once the air was knocked from Tilly’s lungs and she was seeing stars.

The acrid smell of sweat and cheap perfume was all she could sense. Mama Robotnik stood up and

trotted off to pick another boulder to hurl.

Sheptilah, dazed and unable to focus, was sure she was flattened like a piece of paper. She felt the back of her head, noting her skull was cracked open and chunks of bone floated in brain matter. Warm blood streamed from her nose. She touched her forehead with her fingers, feeling the indent caused by Sylvia’s elbow.

Another shadow descended upon her. She flinched, believing it would be another blow but instead nothing happened.

Small stones fell around her with an almost hollow clatter. She looked up and saw it was her husband who had just punched the boulder to smithereens.

“Mother!” He shouted angrily.

    Shadow teleported in with a massive headache. “Ti-ti! Sorry I’m late; I came as soon as I felt something was off.” He didn’t seem to be too shaken by the image of his witch with her brains out and about. She healed just as quickly on her own.

“Hi, Shads!” She said dreamily.

    “She was rude!” Sylvia said petulantly. “I had to show her who was boss.”

Ivo’s fist throbbed. “You need to leave, Mother.”

Shadow turned to Eggman. “Do you want me to kill her?” He started toward Sylvia.

“Maybe.” Eggman said. “Open a portal to some place far away, if you please.”

    Sylvia protested. Screaming nonsense, she charged at her only son.

Shadow slashed at the air and opened a knot to a mostly deserted beach.

Ivo picked up his mother, held her over his head and unceremoniously tossed her in. He chucked in her suitcase after.

Shadow closed the portal and helped his witch to her feet.

“Where’d you send her?” Ivo asked.

He shook off his headache. “Coney Island, New York.” Shadow smirked.

“This is the second time my brains were on your lawn, Ivo.” Sheptilah frowned.

Ivo looked at his aching fist and saw his glove was torn and bloody. He walked over to his wife and held her tightly. “Why weren’t you fighting back?”

“It’s hard when your brain is trying to reconstruct itself…” She shuddered. “Thank you for… saving my life.” The full horror of what occurred finally hit her and she stumbled.

    He caught her and kissed her cheek. “I’m so sorry I had to leave you with her. I should’ve just kicked her out at first sight. I won’t let her come back ever again. I just couldn’t let the two doctors sit with Maw for that long because the bombs are so delicate sometimes.”

“How did the surgery go?” Sheptilah felt ice cold and shivered.

“Hm? Oh, Maw is in recovery but I don’t care about him right now.” He rubbed her shoulders to warm her up.

“Recovery? Oh, his jaw.” Shadow pretended like he forgot. “You did that today? With your mother here?”

“My mother surprised me.” Ivo huffed. “Had to leave my poor wife with her for four hours…” He rocked her back and forth in his arms.

 “I’m okay, really. The lair is a mess but I can clean it up… I tried to curse her with sleep but ended up being cursed myself and while I was out she was rearranging things.”

“Just rest, honey. I’ll have the robots do that.” He ran his hand over the back of her head and cringed when he felt chunks of brain matter and bone. She was really hurt if the meninges tore that easily… what the Hell did my mother do? He thought. “Actually, I’m going to have Lourdes look you over.”

    “Should I stay?” Shadow asked her.

“Only if you want to, Shads.” She nodded.

“Call me if you need me.” He took a step back and teleported out. A ring of dust was left behind and blew away in the wind.

“I’m so sorry, Tilly.” Ivo hugged her tightly. “I never should have let her stay. I knew something like this would happen.”

“How did you survive your childhood?” Tilly looked up at him.

“I got myself into boarding school and left home at a very young age.”

She buried her face in his chest.

[sylvanfreckles]

Allergies (FebuWhump 01)

Here we go again!

This is also posted on AO3

Fandom: Supernatural Summary: Dean and a newly-human Castiel try to interview the owner of a restaurant for a case. Things go badly...and, as usual, Cas faces the consequences. Warnings: Mild warning for allergic reactions, but this one is pretty tame.

* * *

“Here we go,” Dean announced, pulling the car into one of the restaurant's parking spaces. “This the place?”

Castiel, sitting in the passenger's seat, stared down at his phone with a frown for a moment. “According to Sam the chicken bone from the hex bag showed signs of being deep-fried, and three of the members of city council who opposed Deputy Mayor Sloane's proposed interstate bypass operate restaurants that serve deep-fried chicken...”

“Short story, Cas,” Dean cut in, holding a hand up. “I was there for, y'know, the exposition the first time.” He shoved open the door to the Impala and climbed out, automatically checking his pocket for the wallet with his counterfeit FBI badge.

Cas had climbed out, too, and stared at him over the roof of the car for a moment. “That was a rhetorical question.”

“Yeah, see, he gets it!” Dean shot him a grin to take the edge off of his words. “Let's go.”

He felt more than heard Cas fall into step beside him. Cas had been returned to them three months ago—alive and whole and human, thanks to Jack. Chuck was gone, they finally had full control over their own lives, and even more important they had the time to figure things out now.

Providing, of course, Dean could ever bring himself to say anything out loud.

“Here we go,” he said, pushing the restaurant's door open. There was a teenager behind the counter, dressed in a ridiculous apron and hat that went with the restaurant's theme.

“Hey there,” Dean approached the kid, wallet out to show his badge. “We need to speak to the boss.”

The teen's eyes widened behind her glasses. “He's, uh, he's out back. Disposing of the oil.”

“Thanks.” If he'd been a younger man...and if things were less complicated...he might have flirted with her. But as it was, now that he was past forty and Cas was right behind him snuffling into his sleeve (Dude, come on), it really didn't seem appropriate.

Cas sneezed.

“Bless you. Jeez,” Dean held the door open to let Cas exit first. “You getting sick, man?”

“I don't think so,” Cas shook his head and sniffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “I feel a sudden...discomfort.”

Dean pulled a face. “Well, let's talk to Mr Chicken, then we can get you back to the hotel to get some rest, all right?”

“I'm fine, Dean.”

Right. Fine. With the way he was blinking and trying to surreptitiously wipe the corners of his eyes on his sleeves. Either Cas was coming down with a cold or he'd gotten a lungful of something that didn't agree with him.

They made their way around to the back of the restaurant, where Dean spotted a man pouring out a bucket of oil into some kind of bio-waste bin. “Excuse me, Mr. Graham?”

Graham looked up, and when the two of them got closer Dean pulled his wallet out again so the other man could see his ID. “We'd just like to ask you some questions.”

The man hesitated, looking from Dean to Cas for a moment, then with a low oath he hauled the bucket up and around and threw its contents at the two Hunters.

Dean shouted and ducked and managed to avoid most of the mess, but when he looked up he realized Cas's reflexes hadn't been as good and the former angel was covered in disgusting, filthy frying oil.

“Duck next time, jeez,” Dean half-snarled, pushing himself up to his feet to take off after Graham. Cas was usually quicker than that...either he was still adjusting to the whole “things can hurt me now” stuff, or whatever was making him sick was hitting harder than Dean had thought.

“D-Dean?”

The stammered cry had him wheeling back around. Cas was pawing at his face, rubbing his sleeve across his eyes. “Cas?”

“It's—something—something's wrong. I can't...” Cas let out a gagging cough and doubled over, and when he glanced up at Dean there were already bright red spots blooming on his exposed skin.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean grabbed the back of Cas's jacket and hauled it off. “Take it off. Get it all off.”

“Dean...”

“It's the oil, Cas, you're covered in it.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. The redness was spreading. Dean could already see the rash spreading down Cas's neck, puffing up the skin as it went. “Take it off,” he repeated. “I'll get the kit.”

It was Sam who'd made the unfortunate discovery that Cas's humanity came at a cost. His immune system was basically non-existent, and with that came a broad spectrum of allergies. And, judging by the smell, Mr. Graham's restaurant fried their chicken in peanut oil.

(It turned out bees were one of the few things Cas wasn't allergic to, and Dean suspected it was actually some hive-mind magic to protect the angel that had once watched over them so lovingly. He was happy about it, of course, and seeing Cas sitting in his little garden reading ancient Sumerian to his little beehives always brought a warm feeling to his chest.)

Dean grabbed the kit out of the Impala's trunk and tucked it under one arm to sprint back to Cas. It had some basics for an emergency like this—antihistamines, hydrocortisone cream, epi-pens, baby wipes. He rounded the corner and found Cas bent over at the waist, shirt hanging loose from his arms, fingers clenched into the fabric of his pants as he gasped for breath.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered again. He slid to a stop next to Cas and dropped the kit. “Cas?”

The former angel looked up at him, face already swollen and mottled red and white. He tried to talk but let out a cough and clawed at his throat.

“No, no, hey, don't do that,” Dean caught his wrist. “Let's get this shit off you.”

There was a spigot with a hose near the back door. Dean cranked the water on and hunted down the end of the hose, pulling out his phone to call for paramedics.

“Yeah, hey,” he said, when the emergency operator picked up. “My buddy's having an allergic reaction to peanut oil, some asshole threw it all over him.”

Cas let out a wheeze of protest. Dean rolled his eyes and tucked the phone between his shoulder and ear, redirecting the water in the hose toward Cas's face. He hadn't turned it up too high, just wanting to rinse as much of that shit off as possible. “Yeah, I'm still here.”

He listened as the emergency operator listed off things to check for, relaying Cas's answers to their questions. “Ambulance on its way, man,” he said, helping Cas sit down on the curb behind the restaurant. “Nope, no buts about this one.”

Cas's face was already swollen, and his breaths were a painful-sounding wheeze. He hung his head and slumped against Dean with a pitiful sound.

Dean shifted the phone to one hand and gently rubbed Cas's back with the other. “Yes, he's still awake,” he said into the phone. “I have an epi-pen...no, no, I haven't used it. Yeah, yeah, I can hear the sirens.”

As the flash of red lights came around the corner, Dean shifted his hand up to the back of Cas's neck. “Dude,” he finally whispered with a shaky laugh. “Why are you allergic to everything?”

[eliza-meh]

How I Survive Life.....What’s this all about???

When there is a crisis, we as human beings always want to help. Its in our nature. Through physical help or moral support; sharing a recipe; a way of doing something to make life easier; a message to say your not alone or just a funny video.

The age of technology makes this so much easier. The ability to phone someone at the touch of a button and see them as you call them; 10 years ago just connecting just connecting to the internet took the amount of time you could phone somebody, make a cuppa and practice your handstands. (I’m not one of these back in my day people, no. Well not yet anyways)

You can post videos online of motivational speeches or we can do share quotes, upload photo’s that people 3000 miles away, who you have never met can see. The outreach of information is unreal.

In this such crisis never had we needed the use of technology more to keep in touch.

During this crisis, for some we take the time to do what we can to continue to work. Fitness- we make do with what we have. For some, they don’t know what to do- For others we take this time of isolation to learn or do something new; or something we have always wanted to do.

For me I have always wanted to sit and write. I have always been too busy, too distracted to write. My brain going into overdrive every time I sit down, or by the time I have sat down what, I have wanted to write has flown away. I wish there was a machine were my thought would automatically turn into words, that would not only make things less time consuming but solve my anxiety of structuring sentences, thinking about grammar, spelling and help me focus on my content.

Oh I say as I notice the dictate button on the corner of the word document-Let's see if this works…..

Using dicate……oh it does fantastic however I hate the sound of my own voice. Although I still have to think about grammar. Got a full stop started delete started no just posted deleted not riot a care dictate has trouble understanding the Hulk St home accent no home hat H you LL ho Just kind of fun this is kinda fun. Maybe not…….

It had trouble understanding my accent…… So I guess I'll have to type.

On March 23rd 2020 the UK government announced the Lockdown of the UK. At the beginning of March covid-19 (a strain of the coronavirus) hit the UK; a virus that had been sweeping the edge of the planet. The virus attacks the lungs and the immune system. For most people the virus will have mild symptoms, but for some the virus can be deadly and we are likely to see many more deaths. Social distancing has become the norm over the last few weeks and my hands are on their 4th layer of skin, but we need to do our bit to try and save as many people as possible. Yes it means we don’t see our families, friends or even watch and take part in sport; my one time I’m allowed out my house to exercise I now fully appreciate and have quickly come to learn to pack in as much as I can to my one and only daily venture out the house, otherwise I sit, procrastinate and let my anxiety take over.

So here I sit- after week one of lockdown, by myself, at the dining room table. My homemade pizza (I know right homemade pizza- may as well brush up on my cooking skills to, I’ll post my recipe later) I have decided to start to write. I’ve told myself not to think about my grammar, I just want to write.  I just want to see where this writing journey takes me.

And now 26th May 2020 after almost 2 months of procrastinating, writing paragraphs from time to time, I decided to take the leap of creating a platform where I can post. Like most people I needed a kick up the backside to get me going making myself write, even if its complete crap, to post something. (as well as a helping hand from a friend who regularly messages me have you posted yet, and giving me encouragement…..thankyou so much)

Most of the time its finding something to write about. I then thought about life.

My life- it’s not anything special- everyday- but the everyday is what I find relatable. Like someone conquering Everest is extraordinary and climbing Everest is on my bucket list; reading bout it is captivating. The views, the technique the struggles. But what about the views, the technique and struggle of life. Why can’t I share the simplicity of the everyday as well as the extra-ordinary? Like the impact of reading a book. Or the struggle of carrying a full washing basket up my own version of Everest (the stairs- I have my own technique for this by the way, and recently found a painful way of getting down) or sharing a story of the past, talking with someone you have never met before, a funny joke, a really cool tv programme, the product you’ve used, a craft project. The times that are happy the times that are sad. Finding a life hack or sharing positive/negative experience. Or your opinion. Like I think ever one should be entitled to their opinion, good or bad but I also feel people should be prepared that others think differently. Because each and every one of us is subjective to every aspect of life. Which is why I decided on How I Survive Life. My own life survival story for the and the trivial. Yeah there is probably a million other blogs like this- but none have the same experiences of me. We all see life through a different pair of eyes.

A little ask from me………

Now please- all I ask from you is your support- I always get these amazing ideas in my head “I’m going to do them”- but then I never have the balls to do it and I freeze, have a melt down and go back to my safe space and hide away from the world. I never take that Leap.

Well now I’m sucking up the courage- and I’m taking that jump.

I’m putting myself out there and taking every opportunity I can. You never know what’s going to happen, you never know what’s around the corner. I’m going to give it a go. So I’m asking you to hold my hand and support me, read my stuff, like it if you want, give me feedback, suggest your ideas too- oh I’m open to this!!

I’m sooo open to sharing ideas, sharing experiences and recommendations. Give me constructive feedback (now this is not slating, slagging off, trolling- its suggesting ways to improve, offering guidance)…..But if your going to hate it then don’t follow it, don’t read it, stay away from my posts- because this world is so full of negativity and bull that adding more to it is just not going to help. If you want to give me negativity than follow it through with things that could help, things to change and make it better. There is one thing that seems to be lacking in this world and that is helping each other. No person has made it by themselves there has always been someone giving them constructive criticism to guide them.

So here goes……. Welcome to my world, my life, and my brain. Welcome to ‘How I Survive Life’….. And I do hope you enjoy reading!

Lots of Love

Eliza-Meh xx

[docholligay]

Run

Written for @keyofjetwolf, a Kitty and Seth adventure, which now finally has its own tag! 2,300 words

“Kitty…” Seth let her voice trail off on the air, the strange feeling of knowing too much, of feeling Kitty’s embarrassment and hating it. 

“Shut it, Seth,” She said, walking on down the trail, moving into a canter, “let’s just get on with it.” 

Seth Fuzlae would have, by no means, considered herself an open person, who wished to talk about things, ever. But she and Kitty had been traveling together long enough, and were enough of friends, that she honestly felt concern for her, from time to time. It was obvious enough, from the way Kitty was hurrying away from town, that it had shaken her, and Seth didn’t understand it. She would have thought Kitty would be thrilled to see another centaur. They were an insular people, and rarely moved outside of their own realms. Seth hadn’t even known there were several different bands of them before she’d met Kitty. 

And yet, Kitty had turned tail,  which was the greatest surprise Kitty’d given her in all the time they spent together. 

Seth respected silence--traveling along with Kitty for years had made it necessity-- but there was a part of her that also wanted to know everything. With anyone else, she would have simply reached into their mind and plucked it out, simple as grabbing something from the cupboard, but she had promised Kitty, when they had started working together, that she would never do that, not without Kitty’s permission.

If Kitty wanted her to know, she’d just tell her, and this had been true for their entire time together. 

Kitty didn’t want her to know. 

“I, of course, would never ask you what’s wrong,” Seth leaned forward, as Kitty ignored her entirely, “But have you considered, oh my equine friend, that we’re heading into the Thieves’ Forest, at dusk?” 

“Let ‘em try,” Kitty felt at the revolver tucked under her arm, “I’m in the mood for it.” 

Seth frowned. Kitty had a fantastic ability to handle emotional problems by means of rejecting them entirely in favor of trying to shoot or punch her way out of the place, and while Seth wasn’t immune to the charms of that particular strategy, she preferred when her life and her belongings weren’t quite so much on the line. 

She could only talk her way out of so much, and the thieves worked in gangs too big for her to enchant them all. 

“You know what is, I think, a fantastic idea?” she took hold of the small strap at the back of Kitty’s holster that was almost certainly not so Seth could hang on when she galloped, “Let’s head back to Northmire, freshen up in your room that, and, I can’t emphasize this enough, we already paid for, and I’ll buy you a big dram of whiskey and some raemen noodle. We can go on a death march through the middle of the Thieves' Forest in the morning!” 

“Should never have come to Northmire,” she replied, “I know where Northmire is.” 

“In the north.” 

“Right.” 

Seth sighed heavily and took her coin purse off, wondering where she could possibly stick it that she had a hope under heaven or over hell of keeping it. Everything was so exposed, and only seemed more so as they walked deeper into the forest, the thin sticks of branches black against the reds and purples of the sunset sky, bringing to mind the bars of a prison. 

She was annoyed that Kitty wasn’t telling her what was wrong, and she was annoyed that Kitty was taking them on a bid to get robbed in the middle of the night, but perhaps most of all she was annoyed that she had been wrong about what Kitty might want. She prided herself, to an extent, on knowing what people were about to do, and Kitty was fairly predictable, to say nothing of the length of time they’d spent together. 

And Kitty had so often spoken longingly of home, of the way centaurs were and festivals and traditions they shared. She would offhandedly mention a street dance she had gone to, or the yearly Strawberry Festival, or any number of things that Seth could ask about, be interested in (and it was no small pleasure to her that so little was known of centaur society, and that she was likely one of the experts in the field at this point) but she could k=never know, and never understand. 

Seth had been meaning to do her friend a kindness by introducing her to a fellow centaur. 

It had been exciting enough when she saw him in the bar, bigger than Kitty, bay with blonde hair and thick mustache, wearing the same sort of patterned cotton shirt and bent-brim hat Kitty always wore. Seth had sidled up next to him, enraptured by her own cleverness as she managed to get him to reveal that his name was Frank, that he was in town on business, before he asked her about her hand and briefly reminded her that centaurs noticed things, too. They weren’t humans, whatever the top half of them looked like. 

She had genuinely thought Kitty would be thrilled. She had had a very romantic notion of leaving them to catch up, slipping a few gold on the table for dinner, and receiving helping servings of grumbled gratitude from Kitty the next day, fresh off of having gotten all the newest news and gossip from home. Maybe she would have heard something about her mother and father, or her aunt, who she seemed to genuinely miss, in the moments Kitty allowed herself to sound like she regretted anything. 

Seth knew she’d been wrong the second Frank saw Kitty. 

“Well, then. Kitty McCrae.” Was all he said, in a straight and steady voice, but Seth had been around Kitty long enough to know that it was a question as much as it was an answer. 

There was a snap in the underbrush, and it took Seth out of her thoughts. There was no way they were going to get out of here. They were going to die in the north because Kitty got her feelings hurt, and Seth had kept to her promise not to ever wade into Kitty’s mind without her permission. Seth didn’t think that the way she was ever going to die was defending her principles, but life had a way of surprising her despite her efforts to counter it. 

“Kitty,” she leaned forward, “Kitty, you know I love when you get in these surly little moods of yours and refuse to tell me anything. It’s my favorite. You’re the best. But can we just, on this one occasion, maybe turn back and--” 

All of Seth’s attempts to convince Kitty were suddenly at a pause as a man jumped down from a tree and blocked their path in the middle of the road. 

“Oh look, a thief, in the Thieves Forest, whoever could have predicted that, this is going so well Kitty, I love when we go on these girls’ trips.” Seth buried her face into Kitty’s back. “Well, I’ll have to try to get us out of this one.” 

She glanced behind her, already knowing what she would see there but needing to confirm for herself, two men, burly, with a sword and a club, coming up behind Kitty. The man in front had a series of knives strapped to a bandolier across his chest, and Seth was certain there was a ranger somewhere in the distance with a trained arrow, waiting. 

Truthfully, it was better odds than she’d expected. Kitty was strong, and the men were on the kicking end of her, and while the whole probable knife-throwing situation didn’t thrill her, Kitty’s gun was something she’d only ever seen centaurs and figures of myth carry, so that was going to be a surprise to them. 

She stood up on Kitty’s back, ready to give them all a very generous and reasonable chance to escape, when Kitty growled. 

“Move.” 

There was no fear in it, no waver in her voice, but her hand did move to her gun. Kitty was, as she herself would say, spoiling for a fight, and it looked like she was about to get it. 

Seth always hated it when Kitty got her way. 

“Ladies,” the man who had descended from the tree gave a grin as he took a step toward them, “We’d be happy to give fine women such as yourselves safe passage across--” 

“Move or I’ll kill ya.” 

There was no sense of presentation in Kitty’s manner, particularly when she was aggrieved, and this had always irritated Seth, who thought that it was a waste of physical presence not to dress things up at least a little bit. Now there was no getting out of this fight, which was exactly the way Kitty had wanted it, and if Seth was going to take a risk on her life in the middle of a miserable, dark, damp forest, in the middle of a miserable, freezing region covered mostly in grassland, she was not going to do it without a flourish. 

“Oh, we shall,” she gestured broadly, “Eventually! And when we do, you shall pray for death, for we are known criminals, dangerous woman in this land and this world. Do not be fooled by our humble appearance!” 

She was turning in a circle now, making eye contact, and projecting her voice, knowing the ranger could hear and not wanting to spoil the show even for those in the back. 

“The danger!” She pointed to one of the mken, and whirled around, “The power!” She pointed at another, “The passion!” she rested on the third, the man in front of them, whose smile began to turn to a laugh. 

And this, of course, was what Seth was looking for. A moment. An opportunity. 

Kitty took it, and drew her gun, firing in front of her. The man sidestepped it and flung off a knife, Seth barely getting out of the way of it as she drew her own dagger. She waved her hand as Kitty backed up, a bucketful’s worth of water materializing out of the air and dumping on to his head. 

He howled and shook his head as Kitty bucked, slamming her hooves against the man with the sword, throwing him into the trunk of a tree where he lay still. The man with the club swung at her, and she whirled, Seth holding desperately onto her back, and she might have gotten him as well, but for the high whistle of an arrow coming through the air and narrowly missing Seth as it thundered into the back of Kitty’s shoulder. 

“I hope you’re happy!” Seth yelled, trying to tamp down the concern that this might actually be it, realizing she had never thought, whatever she told Kitty, that the two of them could be taken down. “Rear up!” 

Kitty gave a yell and shot again at the man with knives as she obeyed Seth. The bullet jolted into his chest, but his last knife slit Kitty across the side as life left him. 

Seth let go of the loop on Kitty’s holster and flew through the air, where the man with the club was swinging again at Kitty’s hindquarters. She closed her eyes, thought for a moment, and landed on the side of the man. Before he could respond, his sight left him, snatched away by Seth as if he was a small child with a cookie. His club slammed down into Kitty, and Seth responded with the courteous disagreement of her dagger in his throat. 

Another arrow slipped through the trees, coming what Seth considered unacceptably close to Kitty’s chest. 

“Kitty!” She yelled from the ground, “Can we please, PLEASE, go now??” 

Kitty nodded, her eyes hazy, and extended down her good arm for Seth to climb up. There would be more than one set of thieves in the Thieves Forest, and there was no way they could withstand another assault, not with all of Seth’s powers working at their peak, but Kitty just kept running. She ran and ran, Seth holding on as tight as she could. 

The forest whirred by her, a long path in the night, no moon or stars to guide them but only the two of them. Kitty began to stumble, and Seth cast light into her dagger, pointing it forward to illuminate the path. They needed to get through this. If they could just get to the other side, she could sit, and she could mend Kitty, refusing to consider for even one moment that perhaps she couldn’t. 

Kitty was surly and short-sighted and annoying, but she was Seth’s, and Seth refused to let people take anything that was hers without her express permission. 

Guilt was not an emotion Seth was friendly with, and yet she felt it creep up in her, the sense that Seth should have asked Kitty if she was interested in seeing another centaur first, that she had gotten so wrapped up in the idea of the surprise that she had not even assumed she could be wrong. Later, she would tell Kitty this was all the fault of her bad temper and poor coping skills, but there would always be a part of her shaking her head, reminding her that she knew who Kitty was, and had failed to protect her in this way. 

She should have rifled through Frank’s brain. She didn’t promise not to do it to centaurs who weren’t Kitty. 

Kitty slowed into a canter, then a walk, but then the forest cleared, and Seth spied the softly-lit thick walls of High Pines. 

“Kitty?” Seth rubbed at her back, trying to ignore the wide smears of blood soaking the blue and white of her shirt, “we’re here now. We made it,” she heard the softness of her own voice, and it frightened her, “And you are, let me tell you, in so much fucking trouble with me, you don’t even know.” 

Kitty looked up at the lantern gratefully, nodded, and collapsed to her knees in the dirt.

[50shadesofmittens]

Princess Bride AU

Last list of ideas I finally put down through conversations with the wonderful @coaxionunlimited​

The Princess Bride AU

And Oh GOD this one isn’t even all the details, nor is it in any order so much as a bunch of ideas slapped together

To start I cannot imagine it any way except with Cato Sicarius as Vizzini- more versatile roles include Magnus as Buttercup, CG as Westley and Tzeentch as Humperdink

And yes Cato Sicarius as Vizzini is indeed more important than the roles of our main leads

Part of what makes this idea so much fun is that CG has to find unique creative ways to overcome all the challenges Westley faces- he can’t exactly find a poison that Sicarius’ OP-ness won’t be immune to if he’s also going to be immune

Yes, even promethium-based alcohol won’t cut it

I feel like the only way to beat Sicarius is to do something similar to what Westley did by letting Sicarius’ enthusiasm get him killed

Somehow leading him into a trap

My best guess so far is CG brings up that he once defeated a literal god in contest of Vostroyan-whatever and uses misspoken words to trick Sicarius into thinking the goal of the game is to get to Ultramar- Sicarius would them go to ultramar ASAP before the card game even starts

And Sicarius somehow warps himself there and is this unaware that the challenge hasn’t started, a full galaxy away from where CG and Magnus (in the Box still of course) were left behind

(Alternatively, the deception can be unintentional, as CG genuinely thought that the best way to respond to Sicarius’ long list of achievements was to list a few of his own achievements, which prompted Sicarius to demand to know HOW CG bested a god so he could prove himself by doing the same, and then Sicarius jumped to his own conclusions and portaled to Ultramar while CG was still trying to explain Vostroyan-whatever)

Then Sicarius would probably go brag about winning the contest, which would lead to Calgar learning and being pissed off that Sicarius forgot to bring the Primarch along

By which time CG and Magnus are well into the forest of death if not captured/recaptured by Tzeentch

Despite these roles I imagine Tzeentch as the one screeching Inconcievable! When CG turns out to be alive (again) after torture-death

Instead of a wheelbarrow being what gets them into the castle/into Tzeentch’s realm’s inner sanctum, it’s a camel

This is in a reference to the scene when Westley is just revived when he’s coming up with a plan to get into the castle. First he says it’s impossible, then when he finds out they have access to a wheelbarrow he has a plan (the wheelbarrow being the critical piece), ie this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeO3jMZphhs

Once Magnus realizes it was CG who he just pushed down a ravine/banished to another dimension/etc he just says “oh shit” before jumping in after

In reference to the ravine/recognition scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzO-sv0mtZ4

My version of the rescue would have less CG lying and more him having found a really really really good psyker scrambler/blocker and being shocked that it works well enough to confuse Magnus, not realizing that Magnus doesn't know who he is until after some hilarious miscommunication

Honestly? I keep seeing Vulcan as Fezzik and Corvus as Inigo

Just based on their personalities

The bit where Inigo gets all drunk and depressed and shouting for his ex-employer to come find him and beating the guards sent to harass him senseless like I can 100% imagine Corvus doing just that

Also Fezzik’s General love of rhymes, and his all around gentle kindness while still not being Soft but also being huge is very Vulcan

And when Fezzik is tending to Inigo by dumbing him in water, imagine Vulcan bringing out a few buckets of lava and Corvus flings himself away screaming “I’m up! I’m up!”

Yes this means Sicarius acted like he was the boss when traveling with two Primarchs because you KNOW he would

Which makes Fucking Horus the six fingered man (who killed Corvus’ father)

And Vulcan's father, but Corvus is the one who’s laser-focused on revenge and has the whole speech planned out

Also in the style of the book (the Princess Bride was a book before it was a movie), I want to go through all the people who were the most beautiful human in the galaxy before Magnus and what happened to them to make them lose their status

In order: the Emperor (died), Sanguinius (died too), Fulgrim (too much drugs & partying with Slaanesh), ANGRON (got daemonified), and a handful of random humans whose lifespans were mortal and thus have died over the centuries naturally

Also I don’t want to spoil the Princess Bride for anyone, but the method Westley uses to defeat Humperdink is very similar to the one I see CG using to finally get Tzeentch off his and Magnus’ backs

Also for Miracle Max I cant help but envision Cegoratch as Max and Ephrael Stern as Max’s wife

That pairing changes the entire tone of all their scenes, but it’s hilarious in its own way so I want to do it

For reference on miracle max and his wife: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4ftmOI5NnI

Stern is completely deadpan in her delivery. “I smelled deception, so I came out to see if some of the wretches of the fallen sorcerous legion required more destruction to their dust-coated wretches and annoying hats in order to flee. But I see it’s just my husband, making an ass of himself again. Though not unexpected, such a sight is still disappointing.”

*Nervous laughter* “Ah, all guests are reminded that it is none of their business what-”

“One cannot be a guest when one has wed the owner of the property.”

And later when Corvus asks how Stern can be a warrior of the Emperor when she’s married to a Xeno, she first gives a long speech on what she’s learned about various Xenos races and a full explanation of her reasoning behind thinking that miscegenation is in fact furthering the emperor’s will. When Corvus asks for clarity on her marrying a Xeno God she replies:

“HERETIC! I have done no such thing.”

“But you just said that you two were-”

“The only being I will ever acknowledge as a God is the one and only Emperor of Mankind. As recent reports from the Emperor himself dictate, he is a Manemperor, not a god. Therefore, I am an atheist.”

“But... then... what else do you call your husband? What is he, if not a god?”

“A librarian.”

“He’s bringing back the dead!”

“A librarian with a diverse skill-set. Albeit, one that unfortunately excludes the conception of decent punchlines.”

*Note that Stern started attacking Corvus for that accusation after the first ‘HERETIC’ so there’s also fighting hijinks throughout this dialogue*

Now I have a new crack pairing and it’s Ephrael/Cegoratch

Oh and Magnus does find some Primarch-level poison made from Perturabo’s geneseed, which he’s fiddling with when CG makes his dramatic entrance (in reference to the scene where Buttercup is about to stab herself on her wedding night before Westley interrupts)

Granted Magnus’ motives are less loss of true love and more despair after Tzeentch has destroyed any chance of him getting free, and recognizing that any hope he has of getting free is just giving Tzeentch more ways to control him

I feel that the gatekeeper who Fezzik, Inigo and Westley intimidate while storming the castle could be Karstodes. IDK why he’s on team Chaos now, I just love his style of badly trying to lie

Whatever the equivalent of the Rodent of Unusual Size is, Magnus is the one who kills it