#i use that as an example because the conversation around person-first language in autistic communities can vary

[uncanny-tranny]

Person-first language can be a perfectly fine way to address others, but if you have to do so in order to remind yourself that the people you talk about are, in fact, people, maybe it isn't the language you're using that's bad, but the way you fundamentally view the people you are talking about.

[amelias-zelda-calamity-quintet]

Representation in MoaH (& GoS)

I don't like to tag my works with a lot of the rep tags they normally would/could have. Personally, from publishing the first book in Word Walkers, my experience is that those tags are more often used to blacklist works and I don't think people should get the opportunity to pretend that queer people, BIPOC people, disabled people don't exist by flagging that. Also like. As a white person, I feel a little weird being like "Look at all my BIPOC characters!" It feels a little virtue signally to me. Telling good stories should just include diverse casts because the world is diverse. You know?

Further, in my experience, particular with Wattpad at the moment, I have a platform to give people the 101 to a lot of these concepts (in particular queer and disability rep, which are my communities) and change their minds that they would have otherwise missed if they'd stayed in their bubble. It does mean you probably won't see things like neopronouns in my works, but if I can change someone's mind about they/them being singular, that's a start. I have a lot of ESL readers according to my stats on Wattpad and translating that can be difficult. But if my work can be a gateway for them learning what that means, that's more good done.

Also, my fics attract a lot of eggs so like. Y'all are finding me anyway, I don't need the tags.

Anyway, here's some of the confirmed rep in book 1 of MoaH and in GoS if y'all need a reference though for what is blatantly in the works so far.

Queer Rep

Marela is a lesbian and in a relationship with Saddiqah by the end of book 1

Link & Saddiqah are both bi-icons (confirmed in the Din's Temple arc) with femme preferences

The fortuneteller in Lake Town (Hart) uses she/they pronouns

The tour guide (unnamed) in Lake Town uses they/them pronouns

Zelda's middle sibling is transmasc, though he is not reintroduced as such until book 2 for plot reasons. His identity and the story around it is given a serious storybeat and is one of the reasons why MoaH Link is my only Link I firmly will say is a cis man, because I'm making a point of in having Link as an example of healthy masculinity (as a cis man) for a trans kid trying to find a role model on it. The series does not use his deadname again though after Link finds out in book 1

They show up later in book 1, but there's a gay couple in the Marksmen, Sorol and Kutt

That's just book 1. I've got an enby knight and an enby Goron in book 2. I've also gone over how some of the Gerudo naming conventions work in my worldbuilding posts to include enby rep like the Gerudo word for nonbinary, vyu, though Dirjaani Gerudo culture doesn't come up in the books until book 3.

Over in GoS, Endeavor is actually a huge part of my coming to terms with my own gender. Originally published with she/her pronouns, the current edits are giving Endeavor they/them pronouns to accurately reflect what I didn't have the language for in high school when I started writing GoS. Endeavor is agendered.

Endeavor has two moms

Two of the Earth Sages, Insen and Hira, are in a relationship, they are both men.

Disability Rep

Lance, Link's dad, uses mobility aids due to an injury that forced him to retire from the Marksmen.

Link has ADHD with anxiety symptoms, chiefly social. This is an intentional conversation on courage and how we define it.

Zelda is autistic. MoaH Zelda is also plus-sized.

Floan is auADHD, she has a special interest in bugs

Kaju, the son of Lake Town's steward, has a prosthetic leg

Ambrose has severe motion sickness (horseback riding is about the most he can handle, but he will not fight on horseback)

Not strictly a disability, but it's a point of worldbuilding that most Hyrulean lineage Zora don't do well in the cold, so there are accessibility enchantments made to allow for traveling extensively in colder regions.

Also not strictly a disability, but sign language is much more widely taught in Hyrule. It's a mandatory lesson for the Marksmen for tactics reasons, so Ambrose, Saddiqah, and Link all have at least a conversational level of fluency in it if not better.

Back in GoS, Link's granddad Lynard uses mobility aids.

Parijan, Guardian of the Spirit Sage, is blind.

Saruo, Priestess of Courage, has anxiety. Again, I like messing with the definition of courage.

BIPOC Rep

Ok, admittedly. MoaH is a little light here. But! In my defense, it's because I want the worldbuilding of MoaH to code countries and cultures with certain ethnicities and not races/species (i.e. the Gerudo aren't just automatically Middle Eastern, there are several cultures where Gerudo are prominent members with multiple influences). So in Hyrule, where the primary culture is Hyrulean coded European generic, there aren't as many opportunities for coded characters ethnically because that's not how I'm handling it. There are characters who are BIPOC, but it feels like a bit of a cop out to include them because then I just list off all the Gerudo who show up because their POC and that feels a little cheap. I am including them too, but I want to preface that other regions of this series are going to be better at this particular beat (I circle back to the enby knight, who is also BIPOC of Faronan-Dirjaani heritage, but that's book 2).

Basic ones, there are three major Gerudo characters in book 1: Saddiqah El Amin, Dragmire Al Iber, and Ayad Al I'Tidal. They are all of the more standard Hyrulean-Dirjaani lineages closest to canon expectation. Dirjaani cultures are influenced by Middle Eastern and North African cultures, so they are all women of color.

Saddiqah in particular, and this gets into spoilers so I'll be brief, is specifically coded to be a biracial woman. For reasons that come up in book 3. It's why her horse, Ajan, has a Creole name which is outside of the typical naming conventions I'm grabbing for the Hyrulean-Dirjaani names.

The Sheikah are coded as Japanese in the games, so Impa is coded as Japanese along with the Hyrulean Sheikah. Sorol is also a Hyrulean Sheikah, so this applies for him too.

The Dreeka in Hyrule are generally coded to be an indigenous group. Because of their relationship with the Sheikah, primary influence there is the Ainu. This includes all of the Dreeka characters introduced in MoaH (Constant, Temperance, Clarity, etc.) as well as the Drex in GoS (Endeavor, Justice, Zeal, etc.)

Over in GoS, Parijan and Dabir are both Middle Eastern coded, we are aiming to be more specific in the edits.

Sayyida and Daniel are both black.

This is loose canon, but I think there's a real read to GoS about making Link black because of the nameless and the felons' rights allegory that that is meant to be. I will not confirm it because Link is meant to be a stand in for the reader and how they see him, but I do like the interpretation.

And again, this is just book 1. There are nine books planned, there will be more.

[frances-kafka]

In this article by the late Mel Baggs, Baggs references something another person wrote. The link is to something that was taken down, but the quote is here:

The basic idea is that each and every person has their difference, and that it should be respected. Note the singular form, however. When they learn of my autism, which is usually the first major difference to come up in conversation, they seem to think “oh, so that’s her difference”. They then proceed to fill in my difference slot in their mental table, and everything is as it should be.

Or, so they think.

Then, a little while later, I happen to mention some other thing that makes me very different from most other people, and their belief system collides head-on with reality. Usually, it’s another one of my disabilities that triggers it. This is when they almost invariably go “…” for a while, only to finish with “you have that too?” In other words, “your difference slot is already filled, and you can’t have another one”. This is the weird collision I've had with reality since I have been het-passing.

People used to just assume I was a lesbian. When I was 10, adults thought I was going to turn out to be a lesbian. It was just assumed. Then people assumed I was because of my body language, voice, facial expressions, way I hold my body, ffs, even the way I sit is discourse now. That I "passed as straight" is literally indistinguishable from stuff related to autistic masking discourse because of the degree to which it involves standing a certain way, holding my face a certain way, doing different things with my hands, talking about different things, re-wording everything I say into different wording, and using my voice differently. I even had to prefer different friends. Also there was different construction in the 80s and 90s among straight people about what it meant to be gay or lesbian so it was heavily conflated with being gender non-conforming or even trans-adjacent in ways it isn't now. When I'm "straight passing" I just don't really pass as "normal." But when I'm "queer passing," people just chalk all my differences up to that. As long as I'm not actually among cis queer women, that is. In the beginning, it gave me the wrong impression about how accepted I would be, as LGBT, by LGBT people - ones who are other cis women, almost always are uncomfortable around me. Straight women actually were more accepting of me, conditionally. TERFy lesbians were the absolute worst because I violate a lot of stuff about what women are supposed to be, and I have to mask the hardest around people who have very gendered ideas about how to act. There is no way to mask without being gender-conforming. And being *cognitively* gender non-conforming - i.e., having thinking patterns/emotional makeup/communication preferences more commonly stereotypically associated with men, heaven help you if it's anything in the realm of politics/likes/dislikes/hobbies - is totally brushed aside. You're just not supposed to be like that. Not even sure that upper middle class straight men are supposed to be like that these days. Except in my case, it's not even about anything really visible given that I like plenty of stereotypical feminine things! It's just this invisible mark I've had all my life, somehow, that characterizes me as "not a normal girl." The thing is, the world didn't get actually more friendly toward odd women, it just got more enforcing of normie upper class white female norms across a broader range of people. So a lot of the places that used to be my escape, no longer are that.

And when I am read as het... I feel VERY odd, I am crawling out of my skin in discomfort... like I am an alien from another planet who's passing as an Earthling. I feel both invisible to LGBT people (who, prior to my passing het, constituted the majority of my friends), while masking really hard among het normies (I am NEVER more aware of this, than when I'm on a double date, for example, with my partner and a het couple where the other woman is a much more normie woman) and trying to observe normie het social rules (greet the wife first, don't talk to the husband longer than I talk to the wife, etc) that passing as gay gave me a pass on. And in passing as het, PEOPLE DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME. I'm completely ignored in ways I never used to be. I completely disappear behind my partner. We'll be in a room full of his queer friends who just don't even see me, which is painful for very complicated reasons, but nobody else really sees me either. And to straight people who are okay with queer people, my perceived queerness filled that "difference slot." It gave me a place where I was allowed to be different from them. I feel more autistic since passing straight. I don't like it. And something I'm really, really struggling with in my identity is the fact that I lost the one social cope I had. The one thing that made me more tolerated in some spaces. Now I just feel naked. Like I'm just visibly Weird as a het-passing person in ways I wasn't as a queer-passing person.

And the thing is, passing queer gave me no payoff whatsoever in my actual romantic relationships, because I was a gaycel, it was never going to get better. Other women read something "odd" in me so quickly that it's not even funny, and I have to work Very Very Hard just to interact. But at least when I was passing gay, there's a point at which they just... let me be. I could be their Lesbian Friend.

I had a social role in which my weirdness could fit.

Now I just feel like a fake and a phony in every single interaction I have and like everything in my world revolves around my perceived sexual identity that I can't even really perform that well. My partnership is okay when it's just me and him but when I get out into the world, I don't even feel like I inhabit my own skin, and don't even know who I am.

[autimind]

Adapting good, masking bad

"But we all mask to some extent.." Yes, yes we do. That is not the point, clueless person that I just made up.

Allistic people present themselves differently depending on location, context and interlocutor. They do this almost entirely on automatic. They can't help it, by the way. Allistic identity is built up largely around social intersections. Age, gender, race, social class, language, religion and so on and so forth.

That, however, is not what I would call masking. Masking is having to shield others from your authentic expression. Masking is a neverending more or less desperate attempt to be accepted by others. Masking puts the locus of control outside you, which is in my opinion why it doesn't work very well. Fluidly presenting differently is just pushing some aspects of your personality more than others in order to personally send a (social) message to the other. The locus of control is internal. To be sure, this also doesn't always work very well but it works well enough for allistic people to only rarely notice they are doing it.

If you ask directly, almost no one will say they hate autistics. They'll be shocked that you even ask. They do however react negatively to basically all autistic expression. We either talk too much or too little, too loudly or too softly. Our enthusiasm is called hyperfocus or monopolizing the conversation and so on. Stimming is called dispruptive behaviour. They'll basically demand we look them in the eyes all the time. There are far too many examples to list and I won't even try. You know them intimately, dear reader.

The autistic community, at least on Tumblr, talks a lot about unmasking. I'll be honest and admit that I don't know how to do that. Perhaps the layers and layers of masks are too ingrained? Then again, I think that unmasking should not have to be an autistic activity at all. It puts the onus yet again on us to take care of our own welfare when the reason we were masking in the first place is society's staggering lack of respect and acceptance for any neurodiversity.

If stimming, flapping, infodumping and such were regularly accepted by these impressibly flexible allistics then masking wouldn't be a thing and unmasking wouldn't even be a concept.

That being said.. there are ways to adapt to social situations that make life easier for all of us. I want to make it very clear that I do not recommend to start masking again. As a gay person, I am very conscious of that tendency of some to say that sure you can be gay but just don't shove it in people's faces. It's offensive and hypocritical. Still, there are ways of navigating social interactions that come from a place of strength. As an example: Asking someone "How are you?" because that is what you have been taught you have to do is masking. Asking someone "How are you?" because you genuinely care about them is showing kindness.

Kindness and well-wishing can be practised. It is an extremely wholesome affair. I have found in my own life that looking at other people as basically just trying to live their life as best they can helps enormously. Instead of always looking for their acceptance, I started to see them as fellow strugglers in this life. They have no authority, they have no special knowledge. Neither do I. It is all just one big exercise. Knowing this, I stopped being triggered so much, stopped feeling angry and hurt by every careless remark. I understood that even though people can sound as if they speak from authority, most of the time they are just doing whatever comes up in their mind. This made it possible for me to gently correct them when necessary or to just let some things go. If you act from kindness, many many situations will automatically be easier to handle.

The next thing to do, in my informed but certainly not scientific opinion, is to follow the rules of etiquette. I am well aware that compared to the average Tumblr-user I am an old guy and write like a pedantic old-age pensioner but etiquette is far more important than most people know. Etiquette, first of all, is not really about which fork to use during which course of a formal dinner. Sure, that rule is in there somewhere but that is not the point. Etiquette is about knowing beforehand what is expected and acting in such a way that everyone has as pleasant an experience as possible.

One example of a rule that is almost never followed anymore is that rule on 'flower arragement'. Picture a large social affair like a reception. Now picture all the guests as flowers and all groups of guests that are talking to eachother as bouquets, bunches of flowers. The rule says that the host (or hosts) has the responsibility to stick any single flower into a bouquet. This means that a newcomer should always be introduced to an existing group. That introduction should include some details about (possible) common areas of interest with at least one member of the bouquet. This smooths any awkwardness that even allistic people feel when they don't know anyone. A related rule says that during social affairs, a group should always welcome any new-comers and include them in the ongoing conversation. Any important conversations should not be had at all or be handled swiftly in another room.

Etiquette can be a wonderful tool for any autistic. There are not all that many important rules and all of the rules have a clear and logical reason that can be explained. We thrive on things like this! Once we understand why something is done the way it is and can see the reasons behind it and how it works, we can easily accept it and act on it. We famously don't do authority and will blatantly ignore requests when we don't see the point or can't picture how it should be done. But etiquette is an elegant system that can be explained in full. It could be an interesting SPIN, in fact.

Behavioural training and suchlike in my opinion makes one important mistake: It tries to get us to behave neurotypically by rote memorization. This doesn't work. However, we can be champions once we understand why. Why is it important to thank someone for a gift that you have just received? Let's say it is your birthday. Because you genuinely like the gift? No, absolutely not. You thank someone for the thoughtfulness, for giving you something in the first place. The actual specific gift isn't important. The giver can be anxious about how you'll react, mostly because it is very hard to find a personal gift. By thanking them, you release them from their anxiety. Etiquette has it that once given, a gift is completely yours to do with as you want. You can use it, display it, give it to someone else or throw it in the thrash. However, you don't do that right away. Why? Because the ritual of gift giving is a mutual acknowledgment as well as an opportunity to show you care.

Love on the Spectrum makes exactly the same mistake. The coaches train autistics in the social rules of dating. They then send them on a date with another autistic. I get the idea and understand it is meant well but autistics normally get on like a house on fire if there is even one common interest. We don't need training for that! Also, learning rules by rote results in stilted behaviour that wouldn't work with a neurotypical at all. However, when we understand that most of all social ritual has the goal of showing the other that they are important to us, we can accept the various niceties. Saying good morning or something like that so strangers in the street - or just nodding at them, which is what I do - is an acknowledgment. You have seen them, they exist. That is the message. An actual date needs more than that. You will have to show them that you are interested in them as a person. This is why you compliment them. This is why you ask a question, listen to the answer and ask a follow-up question. It shows your interest. By the way, compliments should always be general, authentic and never about the other's body shape.

If you feel anxious at even the thought of a social function, study etiquette. Understand why the rules are there. I garantuee you it will help. Most importantly, this is not masking. It is showing kindness to other people. It is also kind to yourself.

[my-darling-boy]

Right sorry I have to vent about something. I didn’t really want to post this but Oh Well it’s bothering me and I hope I’m not the only one who feels like this.

What I thought was me obsessing over a little mistake I made at work was actually the tip of the iceberg to this terror I feel internally realising as I get older, I’m required by society to mask my autism more and more because they see you as an inconvenience. But now that I’ve created this Highly Socially Convenient version of myself to fit into other people’s social standards, especially in the workplace, I can no longer make mistakes without people attributing them to laziness or carelessness or “stupidity”. It’s one of the many examples of people assuming “if I can’t see something, it doesn’t exist.” I’m constantly assessed with the “but you don’t LOOK autistic!” You shouldn’t have to know I’m autistic to start treating me with more care and respect.

If a customer is having trouble with the keypad, I don’t rip the thing around and jam their card in, annoyed. If a customer can’t hear me very well, I don’t roll my eyes when I have to repeat myself. If a coworker doesn’t understand how to use a register function, I don’t sigh heavily and shove them aside to fix it. Everyone is always apologising for making mistakes with their payment options or having to run back cos they forgot something or for “taking so long” or for doing this or that. People are sweating hurriedly counting out coins and notes and apologising but you don’t need to hurry! Take your time!! My line might be long but I know when I rush counting money, I get it wrong cos I can’t focus sometimes in chaotic, loud environments.

I’m so used to apologising for things I do as an autistic person and when I see others doing the same, I say they don’t have to be sorry. The checkstands are not easily accessible to understand or operate. People are rude and rushing. We’re wearing masks so it’s harder to hear/see facial expressions. Literally none of this is person’s fault, and yet they’re apologising like the checkstand or their communication style or even the angry customers behind them are their fault. And I do the same thing. The one thing I say ALL DAY LONG is “I’m sorry.” I say it so often that half the time I’m not even sure why I’m apologising, all I know is things that are out of my control are usually pinned as “my fault” somehow so I just say I’m sorry all the time. I’m apologising, the customer is apologising, my coworker is apologising, we’re all just so sorry for having to be in a building that isn’t meant to accommodate anyone.

Most of my interactions at work involve me making sure I’m being as accommodating as I can to who I’m speaking with because rarely are people accommodating towards me and I don’t want to make others feel like they’re an inconvenience the way I’ve been made to feel like one. I know by default that something that is easy for one person may not be easy for another person. And if an allistic person cares to think about this at all, it’s so bizarre to me that they assume it means a person is careless, lazy, or irresponsible.

I work retail and talking to people is literally my job, but it’s usually not an issue so long as they fit a social script in my head. Tasks are repetitive which means I learn them fast and perform them fast. When left alone, I resort to tasks I was shown how to do: clean, collect, etc. I follow instructions, ask questions. I’m always told I’m such a “competent, responsible employee” for this, even though 80% of my motivation for doing these things are out of constant fear of hidden consequences if I don’t do exactly as I’m told. And if someone starts saying I’m their favourite closer or the fastest cashier or the most helpful employee, I only get nervous about how disappointed this person would be in me if I showed any ounce of something different if one day I had a shutdown at work.

I wouldn’t know how to tell anyone why sometimes I’m a minute late to work for a few days, or why I lost track of time doing X, why X took me so long, why suddenly I don’t make a lot of conversation, why I suddenly lose ability to multitask, or why I keep making silly little mistakes when I “seem like such a good employee who can stay on top of things.” Sometimes I genuinely don’t know if I’ve done something wrong! There are grey areas of employment and social interaction that will always confuse me no matter what. Instead of taking just a moment to explain something I did incorrectly, or just take 10 seconds to show me how to do something, people right away are predisposed to snapping at you and being rude without so much as a little explaination to help you. And if they’re going to snap at me for a small question, how could I ever bring up something more? When? How? When a customer I’m not understanding is giving me a hard time, do I give into them and give them the discount they wanted and possibly get in trouble or do I call over a manager who is going to scold me for not understanding them?

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of space to discuss being autistic to anyone or time to dismantle stereotypes. I feel like I have to keep putting on a presentation and suppressing parts of myself or force myself to conform to allistic standards that make me uncomfortable while allistic people would never think about accommodating mine. I’ve heard so much offensive language towards autsitic people from basic team members, management, and customers at every job I’ve ever been at. And when something like that is THAT widespread and ingrained to how these people think, where and how do you even begin to address it? Who do you talk to? Who’s to say the person meant to handle these things at work isn’t making R word jokes minutes later?

Every job I get hired at assures me that I will be treated fairly, to the same standard as other employees. But to me, there seems to be something Off about fairness when it comes to performance. The problem is, the model of that standard is often a person who is not autsitic. I see it in the way supervisors walk up to me when I can’t get something to scan. I see it in the way they squint accusingly at me behind their mask if I need something explained more. I see it in the way coworkers have attributed their “stupid mistakes” to being “the r word”. They critisise lack of verbal communication or eye contact, they sigh when things need to be phrased differently, they stand impatiently while you’re trying to figure something out. In the break room, I hear people left and right laughing about or getting irritated over customers who are described as doing some of the things I do. I’ll always remember this one really nice customer who always came into the store and would put her items up on the counter slowly and would talk to you about her day, and I never had a problem with the speed at which she did anything because why would I? I don’t need to rush her, there’s no reason to. But a manager, after she had left one time, mimicked the way she spoke and said she was “the r word”. And I felt crushed.

No matter what a company says, in their eyes, we’re made to feel like the undesired. The inconvenience. The ones holding up lines or turning on the assistance blinkers at checkstands. There shouldn’t be people steaming behind us or snapping to go faster or shouting “Why don’t you understand?? Are you stupid??” I’ve found the discrimation against autsitic people in the workplace is a lot of times in subtlety, and to me it feels like what is being done to me isn’t noticable at first until I realise it’s eating away at me: the glares, the exaggerated sighs, the comments, the derogatory language. I always feel like someone standing outside a window while everyone else is on the inside. That’s what makes this type of treatment so insidious, because convenient for companies, they don’t have anything in their handbooks that protects me from their deeply imbedded practice of equating many traits of my autism with being an unsatisfactory employee. And usually by the time I’ve picked up on it, it’s too widespread for me to even sort out all that’s happened and I’m left feeling like I should just bear it. “Well then the job isn’t meant for you” someone might say. No, capitalist society doesn’t make room for people like me. In fact, I’ve never encountered a job that was meant for me. And I’m tired of having to say I’m sorry for myself and bend over backwards for capitalist “”””we’re a family”””” corporations and the society they’ve infected whom they’ve taught to not give two shits about people like me.

[adultingautistic]

I will spend so much time trying to say something in the nicest way possible and to sugarcoat it as much as possible (for example when somebody asks for my honest opinion on something) and then people will say “oh wow you’re so blunt. You never sugarcoat things”. Yes I do!!! Is there even a way to sugarcoat things without just lying ?

Gosh, this is a hard one.  First, the definition of what is “lying” is very different between allistics and autistics.  The way we define “lying” is “something that is not true”.  You would THINK allistics would define lying this way and if you ask them, they’ll tell you this is how they define it, but it’s not.  Their definition of lying is WAY more fuzzy, and goes something along the lines of “Saying something to intentionally mislead a person, with the intent to do harm.”  But it changes, it’s fuzzy, I don’t exactly understand them on this.

This difference in the definition of “lying” matters a lot, because of this conversation:

Allistic: “Would you go with your father to the store please?”

Autistic: “No, I hate going in his car because it smells awful.”

Allistic: “Why are you so blunt and rude?”

I think every autistic has been accused of being blunt and rude a bazillion times in their life.  And so we try to fix it, and “sugarcoat” the truth, like this:

Allistic: “Would you go with your father to the store please?”

Autistic: “I kind of don’t want to, because it’s not the best experience for me having to smell dad’s car.”

Allistic: “Why do you have to be so blunt and rude?”

Why are they still calling you that, when you changed the sentence so much to try to soften it?  The answer is because you still spoke the truth.  And they don’t want to hear the truth!  The truth makes them upset.  I do not know why the truth makes them upset, it’s one of life’s greatest mysteries.  But it does.

So this is the conversation they want:

Allistic: “Would you go with your father to the store please?”

Autistic: “I’d actually rather not, I’m sorry.”

Allistic: “Why?”

Autistic: “I’d really just rather not, right now.”

To us, this is a lie, because it isn’t that you’d rather not, it’s that you can’t, you can’t go in that disgusting car, because it’s a horrible environment, and being in that smelly car is painful for you, and it has nothing to do with what you’d “prefer”.  

But to allistics, the answer is just “no”, and that’s all they hear, and they’re so happy you didn’t ‘insult’ dad’s smelly car.

WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS?!?!?!!??  I wish I knew that answer.  I really, really do.  I can only tell you that they are like this; I have no idea why they are like this.

So yes, from our perspective, they want you to lie.  They don’t want to know the truth, because it makes them upset for some reason.  But keep in mind that from their perspective, this isn’t lying.  

So, to answer your question, “Is there a way to sugar coat it enough without actually lying?”  It took me YEARS to find a solution to this, but I found one! It’s called “Being vague.”  

Allistic: “Would you go to the store with your father, please?”

Autistic: “I’m not able to do that, I’m sorry.”

Allistic: “Why not?”

Autistic: “I’m just not in a place where I can do that right now.”

Now you’ve been vague.  You haven’t lied, but you haven’t said the underlying reason, either.  Sometimes, this is all they want and the conversation will stop here.  If it does, GREAT.  Do not say anything further.  You have communicated that you’re not going, and it’s done.  If the allistic just says “Okay” or “Fine”, then the conversation is over, and do not continue it, no matter how much you may want to say the real reason.  They’re not asking, let it drop.

But if they’re not satisfied, and say something like: 

Allistic: “I don’t really understand what the problem is.”  

Now you will have to tell the truth- but! You’ve prepared the allistic that “something unpleasant is coming.” You’ve built a “conversation cushion”. From our point of view this looks like beating around the bush- but they need this padding.  They get hurt without it. 

So now that we’ve prepared the allistic that something unpleasant is coming, it’s time to actually say it.

WARNING: BODY LANGUAGE NEEDED HERE

Autistic: *lean in closer to the person, or step nearer to them, and make your voice softer, just above a whisper.  If you are good at facial expressions, look apologetic or mildly sad*

Autistic: *softly* “His car doesn’t smell so great, and it makes me feel really sick when I go in it.”

Allistic: “Oh, I didn’t realize.  I’ll ask him to take my car when you go, is that okay?”

Autistic: “That’s fine.”

BAM! The communication has happened!  WHAT CHANGED?

1) You gave them pre-warning padding by “being vague”.

2) Body language/facial expressions

“But Snazzy, doing this is a lot of work- that’s exhausting.”

IT IS.  It’s very exhausting, because this is masking.  This is not who you really are.  You’re putting on a show for someone else’s sake. This is why after 2 hours of socializing with a mask on I need a nap.  

But sometimes, the results are really worth it.  You will have to judge for yourself when it’s time to use your Mask Powers.  But if you practice this kind of “being vague” before you say a “negative” thing about someone, they will not call you “blunt” or “rude” nearly as often.  And like anything in life, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.

[justanothersyscourse]

A follower sent me a conversation that they’ve been having with one of their acquaintances regarding the upcoming series, The Crowded Room. They had posted a petition (link here, if you would like to sign it), and this was someone’s response to them (a singlet, no less). I’ve gotten permission to post my own response to what this person said.

"For the most part people don't even know about DID. Thats just biased if you think a movie will make everyone think bad of it. A regular person for the most part wont recognize if a person has DID. All of us didn't know until you told us and my only experience with DID was Split. Did i instantly think you had a evil personality? no because i'm not dumb and i know not every system is like Split and Split is entirely fictional. You're being unreasonable.”

First off, you’re speaking over people who have to live with this disorder, and the stigma surrounding it, every day. Not cool, stop it. Sit down, shut up, and listen.

Just because you didn’t immediately think negatively after Split, doesn’t mean a whole lot of other people didn’t. Twitter is full of people making fun of systems, saying, “This is some “split” shit.” No, it’s not some “split shit”, it’s a very real disorder. We’re, unfortunately, STILL dealing with the aftermath of that movie. It’s not just negative imagery of the community and the disorder, but the promotion and use of incorrect language, the misrepresentation of symptoms and experiences, and the implication that we’re dangerous. “Not every system is like Split,” implying some are? That statement right there tells me that you believe some of the portrayal in that movie to be true, and that it had a hand in shaping your understanding of the disorder. THAT is not where we, as systems, want you getting your information from.

Did you say the same thing about the autistic community when they said the movie Music was a misrepresentation of the disorder? Did you speak over Autistic people to tell them that they were being unreasonable with their criticisms? What makes you think that ANY of what you’ve said here is appropriate? The movie Music actually did DAMAGE to the Autistic community-- real, tangible damage when it promoted the use of a controversial restraint maneuver.

We saw the damage Split had. We know what’s going to happen with the Crowded Room.

“The movie is not highlighting a DID person who got away with rape the movie is highlighting an asshole that used DID as an excuse to get away with rape. Its highlighting the evil person who used DID to his own personal gain. If anything personally it puts DID in a better light because he was using it maliciously. The DID is not the cause he is. Yeah there are a ton of other DID movies they could have done that highlight DID better but thats not Big Media's goal they just want money and to make money you make something interesting or entertaining. This is a factual example of someone who used a mental condition for evil to get away with a crime."

There is so much wrong with this paragraph that I honestly don’t even know where to begin... They’re calling this an “inspiration story” of the first person to be acquitted of a crime due to DID-- or as they’ll be calling it throughout the series, MPD, and outdated, misleading, and often offensive term. The name was changed for a reason, and like you, most people won’t have heard of DID before exposure to The Crowded Room. Unfortunately, because it’s essentially a period piece, there won’t be any clarification of the name change, or why it was changed, or any of the controversies around the name change. Very likely, people exposed to the disorder through this movie/series, will only know it as MPD. As well, a lot of the science around DID has changed. None of that will be talked about, either. It’ll likely promote outdated and dangerous therapy techniques. So, already, we’re either going to be painted as “inspiration porn”, or we’re going to be demonized. Neither is good. Neither is “preferable”. It just sucks. It’s bad. There is NO good outcome from The Crowded Room as media representation.

It’s also unclear whether this man actually even HAD DID, so this is literally a series about a guy that potentially faked his disorder to get away with MANY crimes. What do you think that idea is going to do? Systems left, right, and center are going to be accused of faking their disorder, and right now, system responsibility is a Hot Topic within the community. This is NOT how we want to start having that discussion with those outside of the community.  

This series is also very likely to play up the negative aspects of this disorder. Only about 5% of systems overtly present their alters. Those with DID are also significantly more likely to be victims of crime, rather than perpetrators. Why is our only representation that of perpetrators, and why do you, someone who is NOT a member of the community, think that’s okay?

“Its highlighting the evil person who used DID to his own personal gain. If anything personally it puts DID in a better light because he was using it maliciously.” I’m so curious how you reached this conclusion. It feels like there must be some MAJOR mental gymnastics happening here. You need to remember that there is ZERO positive portrayals of DID to combat the negative. There will be no positive from this movie, it won’t paint anything in a better light, because there’s zero understanding to begin with. People are just going to see a dangerous man claiming to have a disorder that allowed him to get away with sexual assault. In what way, in ANY universe, is this going to make DID look good?  

"That's like saying why do they make a lot of movies about slavery. Its media someone pitches an idea if the producers like it they like it it's not that they're outright choosing the violent stories.its not a line up where they have 4 options 3 of which are good cases the idea is brought up by someone that say hey wouldn't it be interesting to make something about this. No one is attacking DID this isn't even about DID".

THIS IS ALL ABOUT DID. It’s literally ALL about DID.

If we look at some of the other promotional material...

They can’t even get any of it right in the description-- what makes you think that they’ll get anything right in the actual movie/show? And if you can’t actually understand what’s wrong with the two pictures above, that right there proves my point. 

It actually IS exactly like that. You know what other people with DID they could have made a movie or show about?

What about Jeni Haynes? A woman who created 2,500 alters to deal with abuse from her father, gained a masters and PhD in legal studies, took her father to court, had her alters testify, and WON? 

How about Herschel Walker? Former NFL star that doesn’t remember receiving the Heisman Trophy because his alter did it for him? 

The stories ARE out there, they’re literally just choosing to demonize us. 

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

TW transphobia & manipulation

I gotta vent. I gotta vent so bad I'm sorry, please be careful and consider the trigger warning

I'm so angry with my mother rn. Like I'm. Oh my god. Ohhhhhh my god I'm so mad. I'm pissed. I'm. Furious? idk I just. I'm very angry rn but I literally can't bring it up with her bc she'll REFUSE to discuss it bc it WILL lead to an argument and she won't let that happen (she legit deleted her original fb account and made a new one with select people as friends to avoid my aunt, who was sending her covid conspiracy theories, rather than having a discussion with her about it. Tho to be fair my aunt is sort of. She's very argumentative. Not violently but. In the way that far-right people tend to be u kno?)

I just

Okay

A few weeks ago, she tried discussing a transphobic argument with me without explicitly stating that it was transphobic, she introduced it as "hey I wanna know what your opinion is as a younger person..." and went on to say that she had a friend who was a teacher that has 2 kids pretending to be dogs in their class and that they respond to questions by barking instead of speaking, and that the teacher isn't allowed to discuss this with the parents

And let me say, she literally asked this when I walked through the door after work. After a work day I had woken up for at 3:40AM, started my shift at 5:30, ended my shift at 2:00, and got home around 2:45-3:00. Not to mention the fact that this is a physically laborious job. I AM VERY TIRED AFTER WORK. I ALWAYS AM. I REGULARLY END UP ACCIDENTALLY TAKING A NAP AFTER WORK BC I AM SO GODDAMN TIRED. AND SHE KNOWS THIS. QUITE WELL.

So imagine you're me, walking in the door after a long and tiring day, and THIS is the first thing your mother asks you?? Obviously I'm not gonna know how to respond, but I KNOW it's a transphobic dogwhistle, so I don't wanna give in to it, but I also just. Don't know what to say. What CAN I say about that???? Fuck man

And now I learn that SHE STOLE THAT EXAMPLE FROM MA/TT WA/LSH'S TRANSPHOBIC BOOK/DOCUMENTARY "WHAT IS A WOMAN." SHE LITERALLY LIED TO MY FACE ABOUT IT. Because she framed it as an actual thing her friend was dealing with. But no. She took this and made me believe it was actually happening to someone she knew

AND not to mention that I have MASSIVE difficulties in verbal conversations bc I'm autistic. Obviously not all autistic people are this way, but for me, my brain freezes up, idk how to act, I don't know what I should or shouldn't say, how to express it, what body language or facial expressions to use, etc. I CAN'T form an argument verbally, ESPECIALLY not while put on the spot like that, while I'm tired and not expecting it

Basically, I have a very difficult time expressing my thoughts unless I have a lot of time and space to make sure my point is clear and understandable. That's why I very much prefer text-based communication and time pressure makes things very difficult for me. A big part of this is my slower processing speed (legit, my scores on the IQ test I had to take for my diagnosis were all in the 60-something percentile, one was in the 70-something percentile, but processing speed was exactly at the 50th percentile. I think and process things very slowly, at least compared to my other mental capabilities)

SO AGAIN, I say that putting me on the spot like that was absolutely unfair. And knowing she stole that example has just made me even angrier about it

She manipulated a situation to make it nearly impossible for me to reasonably argue the point she was trying to make because. Why? Oh yeah, because she doesn't want me to "stray from god" or be "confused" by "secular ideas"

Because she's violently transphobic

And she probably thought this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do because that's exactly how Ma/tt Wa/lsh did things in his discussion on the topic. So this is a perfectly legitimate way to discuss opposing viewpoints, right?

God I just

I'm so mad

I hate it here

With all this going on while I'm actively going through some massive questioning on my own gender identity... I wish I could move out. That I could cut ties with my family. Because fuck these people

I WANT them to see how this is wrong, I WANT them to learn to be the compassionate people they RAISED me to be, but I just feel like they'll refuse to, particularly if they're giving in to this kind of propaganda

It's just very... disheartening, I suppose

Rant over, sorry for so much negativity lol

[silenthillmutual]

daniil dankovsky is autistic and here’s why:

because i’m autistic and i said so

i kid, obviously. what sort of autistic person would i be if i wasn’t read to back up my silly little claim with an overly long post of evidence a total of three people will read? (hi ned hi jordan hi raven :))

i’m aware that this is cringey because adults aren’t supposed to have autism or interests or talk about either of those things, but this is my blog and you are free to block me if the cringe is too much for you.

these are some things i picked out from the DSMV’s diagnostic criteria, found on the CDC website:

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

abnormal social approach

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

defecits in […] understand[ing] relationships

difficults adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

repetitive motor movements or speech

rigid thinking patterns

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input

there’s also some misc. stuff not in the diagnostic criteria (though it may be in the adir or gars-3) i thought was worth noting.

important note from the diagnostic criteria: “symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning”. i’d say that in his case, they do.

spoilers for pathologic classic, pathologic 2, and the marble nest

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

in bachelor route of classic, daniil

seems completely oblivious to eva making advances toward him, to the point where she complains to him that he’s ignoring her in favor of asking questions about simon.

seems surprised when people mention maria being in love with him, despite outright asking her a couple of times if she’s flirting with him.

not to mention the fact that he asks her that at all.

his inability or resistence to making connections with others is typically considered one of his character flaws. although it is not outright stated in the dsmv criteria, one trait of autism and other neurodivergencies is “having extremely high or extremely low empathy” - and daniil, despite being a doctor, lacks empathy. which is not to say he doesn’t care at all. i think that he does, but is terrible at showing it.

for example, this scene from marble nest:

Sticky: You must feel terrible… right? That’s fine. I forgive you. You just got confused… Adults always do. Daniil: Oh yes, adults are always occupied with the most asinine nonsense. Like feeling anxious that a bunch of urchins keep roaming the streets, putting themselves in mortal danger!

daniil clearly cares about sticky’s wellbeing (and the wellbeing of the kids looking after him, though he’s not cognizant that he’s in a coma), but his way of showing it is… kind of by being a jerk. all of which bleeds into the next item on the list

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

he has no problem sharing his interests, but in both pathologic classic & pathologic 2, daniil speaks with a flat affect - which is to say that he lacks intonation. the words we read him saying may be dramatic or come across as passionate, but the actual voice reading his lines is very monotone, which may contribute to being read as lacking emotion.

and in pathologic 2, he has a voiceline lamenting not telling “her” (eva?) how he felt

in marble nest, he’s teased by the tragedians for being “heartless”:

Tragedian: Maybe. Possibly. But it’s useless to explain to a heartless man. …Take heart, Excellency! If you ever find it, that is. And then come back to us… Even though it all sounds like a rather implausible turn of events.

abnormal social approach

daniil has a tendency to say things that are tactless, odd, or just socially inappropriate. i probably don’t need to point out too many examples, as i think it’s fairly obvious - these are the things people love to pick at when it comes to him, but i do have a few in mind. like, for example, from haruspex route in classic:

Haruspex: What of the antibodies essential for making a serum? Bachelor: I don’t know for sure yet, I’ll send you a report in a few hours. Don’t go about cutting people’s hearts out for your panacea until then. It’s a… controversial solution, you know… Haruspex: What?! Do you even hear yourself? Bachelor: Sorry! I meant no offence… it was just a momentary lapse of… well, you know. Haruspex: None taken.

until artemy points out, daniil doesn’t seem to be aware he just said something rude. even with therapy, picking up on social cues doesn’t come naturally to people with autism, so we tend to say things that come across as rude or strange to others without realizing we’ve put them off. we tend to lack a “filter” that tells us when things are or are not appropriate to say. even when we may recognize it, the rules may not make any sense to us. for example, it makes very little sense that allistics favor politeness over honesty.

i think the glaringly obvious abnormal social approach in pathologic 2 is him threatening to hold artemy at gunpoint to get in the house, which is just overkill, but my personal favorite comes on day 7, when he’s complaining about the orders aglaya has given him. artemy stops him to say he doesn’t understand what daniil wants from him, to which daniil replies:

From you? Oh, nothing. I was just sharing.

to daniil, they were just having a normal conversation. but some part of this - his tone or his words or maybe even his body language - didn’t give artemy the impression that this was supposed to be a regular conversation. (we could, in fact, attribute the same idea to artemy here; why didn’t artemy pick up that this was a normal conversation? the reason i count it towards daniil is because artemy doesn’t seem to have this problem with anybody else. for the record: i don’t think artemy is neurotypical either.)

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

it’s hard to get proof of this in video games, but i will say i think it’s very funny that in pathologic 2 daniil’s idle animations are “pacing”, “sitting like he desperately wants to start bouncing his knees but is stopping himself from doing it”, and “standing unnaturally still” - but there you go. i don’t know anything about making gifs, or i’d gif this one specific talk menu idle he does where he holds eye contact for about three seconds, looks away uncomfortably, and then looks back out of the corner of his eyes.

deficits in […] understand[ing] relationships

mostly examples from his route in classic:

when the army arrives, he can claim to block that aglaya, whom he’s known for two days, is his best friend

he seems baffled by the fact that everone is smitten with maria and working with her, and seems equally baffled by the idea that she’s smitten with him

despite eva implying on day two that she is in a relationship with andrey, is completely blindsided by the revelation on day 6, asking him, “How in the world is she ‘your woman’?”

i’d also like to use his sign-off on his letter to artemy, day 2 of the haruspex route - he signs it as “Your friend (hopefully)”. i know i’m not the only autistic person who used to ask people if we were friends or not. pro tip, if you’ve never done this: don’t. it really weirds people out.

difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

the fact that he stands out is blatantly obvious even in pathologic 2 and in the haruspex route of classic. people will comment on him being an outsider and mention that they don’t trust him. but you can watch it happen in real time in his route, because he never fully acclimates to the town. he says something about this to aglaya on day 7:

Bachelor: Was there any particularly notable backstory? I’m deadly tired of all these people. They’re inhuman. They tell the future, believe in walking zombies, and die in all manners of painfully abnormal ways. Inquisitor: Your line of t hinking is obviously falacious - and I was implying something rather mundane. I promise you, no one can really tell the future around here: and neither are deaths inspired by third parties uncommon. Mysterious phenomenons do occur here sometimes… but hardly more often than anywhere else.

actually, there’s an example of him saying something similar to artemy on day 5 in pathologic 2:

Damn this town… I feel I’m trapped in a nightmare. The absurdity of it all… There’s no one to talk to. Everyone’s so volatile. They all seem to want to help, but… their help is worse than hostility.

some of this can be explained by the town’s strangeness, but keep in mind that the first instance happens after he’s been there and involved in the ongoing for an entire week, and the second at nearly a week in. clearly he’s struggling to adjust to the changes.

it’s also worth noting that his reason for fleeing the town in the nocturnal ending?

I have no place here anymore.

This town is no longer mine. No longer human. No longer rational. It doesn’t… accept the likes of me anymore.

repetitive motor movements or speech

it’s harder to see the motor movements in classic, but remember how i pointed out earlier that he paces? pacing is a form of stimming. murky, who is canonically autistic, can also be found pacing as one of her idle animations. having stock phrases for characters to speak when you come near them already ticks off the box on “repetitive speech”, but that by itself doesn’t really cover what they’re talking about - echolalia.

but you know what this does fit with? “‘quoting’ things(communication is HARD! sometimes we need to take shortcuts and use someone else’s words)“

i’ll get to the more obvious example in a minute - i want to point out something that happens very early in pathologic 2 first. you know how you first meet him and artemy accuses daniil of trying to guilt-trip him by asking if it’s true that isidor would still be alive if artemy had come sooner? keep in mind that he spoke to rubin first. and this is what rubin says, when you get a chance to talk to him:

Yesterday, I was told you had killed your father.

That’s not far from the truth, Burakh.

You betrayed him. You left when he needed you most. He cried out for your help, but you didn’t care. He was in peril, and you were too busy elsewhere, He believed, truly believed, that your arrival would put an end to his troubles. And, as always, he was right.

i’m not saying this was necessarily the game’s intent, but it’s entirely possible daniil is parroting back to artemy exactly what rubin said to him.

now, for what you’re probably expecting in this section: the latin. people love to refer to his use of latin as “random”, so let’s clear that up:

it is not latin daniil has made up. with the exception of latin that is mispelled in the game’s texts, all of them are proverbs or otherwise common sayings. you can find most of them on the wikipedia list of latin phrases, or through a 3-second google search.

he’s a doctor. him having taken latin isn’t anymore strange than a lawyer taking latin. in fact, if you pay attention, artemy also took latin; this is implied when artemy tells him he’s always sucked at it.

his uses of latin actually aren’t random at all. what he says fits the situation, and sometimes is used in place of him having to come up with something to say on his own.

prime example:

Forget it, Burakh. I have a splitting headache. If you have no urgent business, then we’ll talk later. Later, later… Qui non proficit, deficit.

qui non proficit, deficit - he who does not advance, loses ground. in other words, “i’m sorry, but i really do need to keep working.” one of his voice lines.

as for why he doesn’t translate the latin: it probably wouldn’t even occur to him to. these are not obscure sayings. the utopians all have a certain degree of education - what would he need to translate them for?

this bleeds into something that isn’t really mentioned, but that i’ve found i have a lot of trouble with in everyday life. autistic people have a tendency to either overexplain (and then have everyone get mad at you because they feel you’re being condescending) or underexplain (and have everyone get mad at you because you haven’t explained anything). the latin would be a case where it feels like a justified underexplanation. you’ll notice that when it comes to anything scientific, he tends to do the reverse, and overexplain. this also happens in classic, whether artemy has asked him to clarify or not.

rigid thinking patterns

the thing i had marked for this was simply his strict adherence to western medical practices and refusal to acknowledge the supernatural, even when it seems obvious - he has a conversation in his route in classic with yulia about this, and that is in fact how he manages to get to her: by asking saburov if there are any other logical skeptics in town. it should be noted they seem to be breaking with this in pathologic 2, where one of his voicelines is “I’m no positivist. There are things in this world beyond our mundane perception.” i have no idea where they’re planning on going with that.

there’s also a quote floating somewhere around twitter about him having been raised by a military man, and militaries tend to enforce very rigid routines. you could say the same thing of block - who (in classic at least) i also have my suspicions about.

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

special interests. the one that should obviously come to mind is thanatology, though i would argue latin if not classics in general is a special interest of his as well - in addition to his usage of latin, he also references pericles in the marble nest and was probably refering to the roman occupation of haruspicy in addition to augurs in the same text. he also makes references to shakespeare more than once in both marble nest and pathologic 2.

hyper- or hyperoreactivity to sensory input

i don’t have much written down for this one but there seem to be several places in classic especially where he asks npcs to stop shouting at him. we don’t really have the privilege to know their volume or how they’re interacting with him, but i think it’s also worth noting that he’s the only one of the healers who wears gloves. in pathologic 2 he’s the only named character i can think of who wears them at all. his thing in the lucid dream about the brain being “a border”? gloves are his border, as is his jacket, which may be worn to cut down on sensory issues.

he will also sometimes seem to “overreact” to the situation at hand - such as in classic, when some dogheads mispeak and say that daniil is going to “sterilize” them, and instead of understanding that they must have mispoken, freaks out over the idea that they think they’re going to be… well… sterilized. or in haruspex route, when his reaction to the inquisitor arriving is to threaten suicide.

miscellaneous

he never goes anywhere without that carpet bag. we don’t see it in pathologic 2, but we do hear about it and he doesn’t let it go for a second in classic - not even in the cutscenes where he’s using the microscope. his bag could be a comfort item.

“getting very attached to things like inanimate objects” could work for the bag - but you know what it actually fits the bill much more obviously? the polyhedron. in the haruspex route he recognizes that it’s a lost cause, but he’s still too attached to it to let it go.

in classic at least, daniil is absolutely terrible at lying. most autistic people either are not good at lying, or feel uncomfortable or anxious with having to lie. when he’s asked by yulia and the kids in the polyhedron to lie to block (for different reasons) he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea that it’ll work. and when it actually comes time to come up with a way to lie to block about why he needs five rifles, your options are to either buckle and tell him the truth, or simply say that you need them for “self-defense”. block believes that you’re not lying to him, but daniil can’t come up with any embeleshments to explain why he needs what he’s asking for.

Commander: Are you hiding something from me? Bachelor: No.

he comes across as naive to other characters. in classic, capella has a voiceline saying, “The Bachelor is not smart. Intelligent, yes… but not smart.” in Pathologic 2, Daniil complains that Aglaya takes him for “a useless dreamer”. he’s also easily used by the Kains to fulfill their endgame in classic.

my final, and absolute favorite: he takes things way too literally. autistic people (and adhd people, from my understanding) have a hard time differentiating jokes and sarcasm. so my favorite moment in marble nest is a case of him taking that earlier advice - to “take heart” literally, by bringing the tragedians a literal human heart:

Tragedian: Oh… Excellency. What a sordid sight! Sorry for underestimating you. You definitely do have… how shall I put it… a creative touch. But this is pure madness. You can’t take things so literally! Daniil: You wanted me to come back to you with an open heart. Well, here I am. …It looked too fitting to be a coincidence.

your mind map, after this, updates to say “I misunderstood the tragedians.”

conclusion

people don’t stop being autistic with age and i think he’s a good example of what it’s like to be in your late 20s and be autistic. i’m sure i missed things as i haven’t finished haruspex route of classic yet and there may just be some other things he does or says that i missed! if anyone has anything to add they think fits i would love to know, thank you for your time :)

[mimicutie]

Pit is Autistic - A “Brief” Analysis

Kid Icarus: Uprising is my favorite game of all time, and one thing I love about it is the characterization of Pit. Specifically, I see him as autistic. Of course, this is just a headcanon of mine, but I wanted to write out a little discussion explaining why I see him as such as well as show some of the autistic traits he demonstrates in Uprising (and the occasional reference to the Guidance conversations from Smash).

(fair warning, this is not very brief)

Difficulty Understanding Words and Jokes

It’s made abundantly clear that Pit isn’t the best at picking up sarcasm or jokes. At times, he struggles with understanding words, phrases, and context. Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 11.

Pit: Good! There are survivors! Palutena: They’re a stubborn bunch hanging on like that. [...] Pit: Uh… stubborn? Palutena: Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.

Here, Pit doesn’t understand what Palutena means by “stubborn.” It’s pretty common for autistic people to struggle understanding parts of speech, such as words being used in different contexts than what they’re used to.

Medusa: Hmm… Now this is a little… bizarre. Pit: I know right? The mouth on that guy! I’d never talk like that! Medusa: That’s not what I meant. Palutena: Sorry. He can be a little… thick.

Once again, Pit is misinterpreting the situation. He doesn’t understand what Medusa is alluding to, thinking that she is talking about Dark Pit’s brash behavior. Palutena’s last comment hints that it’s very common for Pit to misunderstand people like this.

Pit: I’m Pit, servant of the goddess Palutena. I’m here to defeat Dark Lord Gaol. Magnus: So you’re here for a slice of the pie too? Pit: Huh? Pie? Where?

Chapter 2 has several examples of Pit not picking up on obvious jokes or idioms, and here’s one. Pit takes the idiom literally, not understanding what Magnus really means at first.

Viridi: Pit certainly is devoted to you, Palutena. Hades: Only because she squeezes his head wreath when he doesn’t follow orders. Palutena: You mean like… THIS?! Pit: No no no no no! You’ll squeeze my brains out! … (sigh) Why do I always fall for that?

In this example from Chapter 15, Palutena is clearly messing with Pit, but as he stated, he always falls for her jokes. Even though it’s clear she is just teasing, Pit can’t pick up on the fact that she isn’t being serious. He consistently struggles with understanding tone.

Pit: This is so annoying. Lady Palutena, help me out here! Palutena: Deploying the Palutena Super Sensor… Pit: I didn’t know you had a super sensor! Palutena: Hee hee. I don’t. You know I like to make stuff up. Pit: I can’t believe you’re messing with me at a time like this!

This dialogue from Chapter 13 is just another example of Palutena clearly joking while Pit does not pick up on it. Even though Palutena has done this time and time again, Pit still struggles to tell when someone, even a person he is incredibly close to like Palutena, is just messing with him. These are just a few examples. Pit commonly struggles with understanding language and tone throughout the game.

Using Words Differently

We can see that Pit has his own unique vocabulary with his own creative phrases like, “Calamaried!” “Re-defeated!” “Pulverazed!” and so on. Pit also makes LOTS of noises throughout the game, all of his “woohoo”s and “woah”s and whatnot. It’s just how he communicates, even if it's a bit particular or different.

Expressiveness

Pit is excitable. Like, really excitable. Sure, he’s a fun video game protagonist, but he’s always very happy-go-lucky and upbeat in a way that reads to me as autistic. Just look at how he jumps in excitement!

And when he gets the Three Sacred Treasure?! Gifs can’t really do the excitement in this scene justice. (link in case tumblr embed isn’t working)

Additionally, while Uprising doesn’t have a lot of cutscenes with Pit just standing around talking, in the ones where he does he is usually very expressive, using his hands to talk and whatnot. Added with his excitability, I feel that this shows us that Pit is so expressive and emotional because he’s autistic!

Extra Help

Pit needs more help with understanding things in comparison to others. Palutena often goes out of her way to guide Pit, whether it be giving him directions or explaining how to defeat an enemy. While Palutena’s advice does work as a guide for the player, it’s clear that Pit needs the help more than someone else his situation might. The clearest proof we have of this comes from Chapter 22.

Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier! You see, it’s— Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right? Palutena: Well… yes. Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do! 

Palutena is expecting Dark Pit to be like Pit, where she needs to explain to him what’s going on and offer her guidance. However, Dark Pit was able to figure out a strategy to defeat Pandora all on his own. Palutena is very aware that Pit needs a bit more help and prepares accordingly for him.

Accidental Rudeness

Many times throughout Uprising, Pit is shown speaking “rudely” towards gods or characters who have authority over him.

Pit: Oh, great! You’re the guy I’m looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while? Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here, flinging unreasonable requests at me? [...] Viridi: You can’t really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.

Here, Pit is talking to the Chariot Master very casually, treating him like a friend despite the fact he is breaking into the Chariot Master’s tower and asking him for a precious artifact. Pit doesn’t see it as rude but Viridi and the Chariot Master clearly do. He is breaking an unwritten social norm by talking so casually to someone of high authority. Autistic people often misinterpret social situations or don’t act appropriately, sometimes resulting in “rude” behavior. There are several examples of this throughout the game, such as in Chapter 24…

Pit: You know, the Three Sacred Treasures weren’t exactly durable. Can you please make sure that this new weapon won’t just fall apart? Dyntos: Palutena, you’d be wise to put a muzzle on your chicken.  Palutena: I apologize for him. Again. Pit: I… I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be rude.

To Pit, he is just stating a fact. However, it comes off to Dyntos as Pit being rude or even insulting his work. This is something that autistic people often do; they are blunt or honest about something, which is again mistaken as being rude.

Pit is also seen being more blunt when under emotional stress, such as in Chapter 20.

Pit: I trusted you because I knew you were on the side of justice, and… and light! But something is blocking that light now. This isn’t the real you. Viridi: Someone cue the strings… Pit: Would you mind holding the commentary for two seconds, Viridi? Phosphora: There are goddesses you’re talking to here, Pit. Watch your tone. Pit: Butt out, Phosphora! The goddess of light has turned dark. Skyworld is destroyed! Everything is wrong, and it’s up to me to make things right! Palutena: Oh, Pit. You’re just as naive as ever. Pit: I’m not naive!

Phew. This scene is pretty noteworthy to me because throughout the game, Pit is never really that angry or upset. He does show hostility, but he never really snaps at anyone, much less gods, like this. But when his home is destroyed and Lady Palutena is not herself, his emotions get the better of him. He doesn’t even seem to care that he is being “rude” to Viridi. I definitely see this moment as Pit having an outburst because of the stressful situation he is under. 

Scripts / Scripting

The most obvious example of Pit using a script is with his “rally cries” that he prepares before fighting enemies. Look at the idol description for this AR Card.

He practices his rally cries a lot in order to be prepared for battles with bosses. Pit even mentions practicing his rally cries in a later chapter.

Pit: Cells of Hades, hear my words! And, um… see my actions! Uh… something, something… I’m going to rain death on you! I can’t remember all the words, but that’s the general gist. Hades: My innards have so longed to hear your battle cry. How could you forget the words? Pit: I didn’t have time to rehearse. I’ve been busy fighting evil, okay?!

While some may see the rally cries as meaningless fun, I think it could be seen as Pit having a script that he likes to fall back to when facing enemies. 

His many references and quotes to video games could be seen as scripting, too. There are lots of instances in Uprising, and especially in Palutena’s Guidance, where Pit quotes famous video game phrases or imitates sounds. Which leads me to…

Special Interest

Pit’s special interest is video games. While Pit’s very vast knowledge of video games could just be because of Uprising’s fourth-wall breaking style of humor, I think it could also be seen as Pit having an intense interest in games. He references various video games such as Metroid, Nintendogs, and Super Smash Bros. in-game. He seems to enjoy bringing up video games or referencing video game mechanics whenever he can, which is very similar to how autistic people enjoy bringing up their special interests in conversations whenever possible. Additionally, while the Palutena’s Guidance conversations aren’t 100% accurate to canon, Pit constantly references and alludes to various video games in them, such as quoting Reyn in Shulk’s conversation or Peppy and General Pepper in Fox’s (which ties back to him scripting). It’s clear that he loves video games and talking about video games!

Pit: Those Aurum troops are doing their best Game and Watch impression! Viridi: Check out the gaming IQ on this guy! You’re a regular video game historian!

See, even Viridi is impressed with his video game knowledge! :D

Sensory Issues

Throughout the game, Pit seems to have an obsession with hot springs. It is never outright explained why he loves them so much, but I’m led to believe it is because of sensory reasons. Many autistic people use extreme temperatures to help soothe or calm themselves, such as cold showers or hot baths. It can often help with sensory overload. Hot springs, similarly to hot baths, may be a way to help soothe Pit and keep his sensory issues to a minimum. 

Pit’s habits with his tunic seem to hint towards sensory issues, too. He doesn’t like to be without his robes, stating that he keeps them on even when he’s in the hot spring. When his clothes seemingly get messed up in Chapter 21, he gets upset, exclaiming that it’s his only tunic. Wearing the same clothes or same types of clothes/fabric is pretty typical for autistic people, and Pit wearing the same tunic everyday is similar to that.

Additionally, Pit’s habits with food could be because of sensory differences. He very well could be hyposensitive to food and tastes, which is why he eats a lot and doesn’t seem to care about what he eats (as long as it isn’t vegetables, according to the Revolting Dinner short ;D ) . 

Small Social Circle

Pit doesn’t have a whole lot of people he can rely on. Before Uprising, the only person he seems to have any affinity for is Palutena. Other than that, he doesn’t seem to talk to anyone else. We don’t have a clear picture on what his relationship with the Centurions is like, but based off of the Revolting Dinner short and Chapter 17, he only really talks to them when he’s working as the Captain of the Army and not as a friend.

While yes, Pit is the only angel left in Skyworld, I still think it’s important to bring up that Pit only really has Palutena to rely on. By the end of Uprising, he has Viridi and Dark Pit as well, but his only clear and completely positive relationship is his mother-son bond with Palutena. I see this as Pit struggling to really befriend others. He’s had over two decades between the original game and Uprising to befriend the Centurions, but again, he only really has Palutena. It’s pretty typical for autistic people to have very small social circles, consisting of just one or two friends. Palutena seems to fit the role of mother and best friend for Pit, and she even remarks that he should make more friends in Chapter 4. 

Working Alone

This is a small one, but still something that I think is worth pointing out. Pit seems very adamant on accomplishing his missions on his own, telling Dark Pit on two separate occasions (Chapter 9 and Chapter 21) that he can handle the situation by himself. Similarly, it’s common for autistic people to prefer working by themselves rather than with others. Paired with the previous point about having a small social circle, this just reads to me as Pit not feeling too comfortable in situations with others.

Conclusion

There’s a few other points that I feel I could bring up but overall I think these are my main points summed up (and yes, I said summed up. this used to be over 2500 words) ! Thanks so much for reading! If you have any other traits that you think Pit has that I didn’t mention, feel free to share them, I’d be more than happy to hear! ^_^

[leo-culture-technology]

I don't really have anything specific in mind, I'm actually kinda lost as to what to look for jkjsksjk I know I identify with some traits, like sensory issues and difficulty communicating (I do have a diagnosis of social phobia, though I've been thinking maybe autism would better explain other aspects of my life beyond social interaction). I've been reading some articles regarding late discovering of autism and mostly looking for experiences, so I can compare to my own. I feel like I should be looking for something else but I don't really know what? lmao I don't think that was really helpful, anything you can share would be good to me

This is a really long post so I'm going to put it under a read more to not clog up other people's feeds but I think the main areas to cover are:

- verbal communication issues

was your vocabulary/reading ever under/over developed as a child? Having a really advanced vocabulary is just as much a sign of autism as having delayed development in this area. Also, having a very hard to pin down accent, or taking on others' accents Really easily is common amongst autistic people. Do you ever have trouble speaking? I experience selective mutism and when I'm overwhelmed/stressed/upset I often find it hard to speak out loud and have to communicate through messages/notes, though when I'm not mute I'm very eloquent and have always had a vocabulary that was advanced, other kids found it hard to talk to me when I was younger bc they couldn't understand me, but equally comprehension/vocabulary can be delayed/compromised and you might find it hard to understand others because you struggle with that sort of thing yourself. Do you have issues with your tone of voice ever? I find that I can't read my own tone of voice or my volume, some things will come out really bitchy-sounding or angry-sounding and I won't be able to tell, or I might be shouting and not know it because it all sounds the same in my head really.

- sensory issues

do you have issues with certain types of sound? volume? quantity? volume doesn't bother me, but too many different sources of noise will send me into a meltdown so fast. Do you struggle with certain smells, bright lights, tastes, textures of food or of clothing, certain sensations, for example I get really stressed out by having wet skin/hair, and I can't stand the sound/feeling of something rubbing over carpet. I also find some tastes to be overwhelming. Under-sensitivity or processing issues can also be a symptom. Do you ever struggle to process reading/listening to something? I have absolutely awful retention for auditory information, I can't hold more than around 4-5 words in my mind at any one time, and I can't follow auditory instructions at all if there's more than one step, it needs to be written down. I also often struggle to read things because I don't process the words and they just look like meaningless letters on a page to me. I also really struggle to process my own thoughts and order them, I'm able to talk out loud but there are times where I can't write my thoughts without speaking them first because ordering my thoughts while they're still inside my head is very difficult. I also have an under-sensitive sense of smell and taste at times. I can't even smell when meat has gone bad and everyone else I know says it really stinks, and like I can't tell the difference between chicken gravy and onion gravy, for example, because they taste almost identical to me. And senses aren't just the basic five, either. Do you have a particularly high OR low pain threshold? interoception is the perception of bodily functions. Do you have trouble identifying/noticing when you're hungry/thirsty or when you need to go to the toilet e.g. you didn't need to go pee a minute ago but now you're Suddenly absolutely bursting to go because you didn't notice it earlier at all. Proprioception is your perception of your movements, balance and of where your limbs are in relation to your surroundings. Do you bump into things or fall over seemingly nothing a lot? Have you ever been told/noticed you move "strangely"? Do you ever walk sort of on your tiptoes or toes-first rather than heels-first?

- social issues

do you have trouble reading body language? facial expressions? figurative language? tone of voice? not every autistic person will experience all of the above, I know people who can't read body language but can read tone of voice, or can't read figurative language but can read facial expressions, etc. etc. Personally I struggle with tone of voice a lot, I can't tell when people are being serious or not, or whether they're upset or not, tone of voice doesn't really tell me anything about how they're feeling of what they mean. Figurative language varies, I understand metaphors and I often understand sarcasm, although I won't get it if it's too deadpan, and I sometimes miss hyperbole and think people are being serious. I also can't tell whether people are teasing me or genuinely being mean the vast majority of the time. I tend to rely on speech patterns and word choice a lot to understand people, personally. I pick up on what sorts of words they use in what moods and use that largely to inform my interpretations of their current mood based on the words they're choosing. Do you ever struggle understanding what is/isn't socially appropriate? I overshare a lot bc I don't rlly understand what is "too much information" and what isn't, and I also don't understand really how to treat people differently based on their "social role", like I treat someone like a friend regardless of whether they're a stranger, a classmate, a friend, a family member, a colleague, a boss, a teacher, etc.

- need for routine/dislike of sudden/significant change

this isn't always as clear as like needing an entire day to be a routine, it can be little things. I'll give some examples: I have to brush my teeth in a specific way - I count the number of passes of the brush over each section of my teeth, I have to eat a sandwich in a specific order of bites, many food places I will order the same thing every/nearly every time and I will eat that order in the same way, I wash my body/hair in a certain way/order in the shower every time, sometimes I get weirdly obsessed with symmetry and I have to walk in a certain way and if I step "wrong" I have to hop around on one leg until I feel "balanced" again, I have to do my daily tasks on genshin impact in a certain order, etc. etc. I could probably think of more if I tried. I will often get distressed/overwhelmed/upset if any of these "routines" are disrupted somehow. My original method of eating a sandwich applied to when they're cut across into rectangles, so I used to hate eating triangle sandwiches because I couldn't eat them "correctly" until I figured out a similar way to eat triangle sandwiches, and now I Have to eat them in that way because it's "correct" and I'll feel uncomfortable otherwise. Note that this isn't like OCD because it's not anxiety-based, it's based on the fact that it feels like the "correct" way to do it, and that any other way is simply "wrong" and you don't like doing it "wrong". The need for routine and dislike of change might also manifest in needing to plan things ahead days in advance, you also might be like me and be very capable of impulsively doing things like going out if You decide to do it, but if someone Else suggests it, then you need the preparation time. - stimming/special interests

stimming can be honestly anything. I tap my foot, I sing, I have a whole folder names "stim games" on my phone, I type, I eat, I chew gum, I flap my arms, I scratch fabrics, I smell blankets/clothing. Stimming just means self-stimulation and is absolutely any repeated action that you find soothing/cathartic in any way. Under here I'm also going to mention samefoods: foods that you feel comfortable eating even when you don't feel comfortable eating anything else. Like if too much flavour/smell/texture feels overwhelming, most autistic people will have food/s that aren't at all stressful to eat and they can default to at those times. Mine is a specific brand of chicken nuggets, I'll often fall back on those when eating anything else feels overwhelming but I need to eat Something, and I can usually handle those when I can't handle other things.

as for special interests, they are anything that you're kind of obsessed with. You can have multiple, they can change over your life, but your interest tends to go much deeper than that of a neurotypical person's and you feel a need to know everything about it and struggle to hold conversations about other topics because it kind of just takes over your brain. when I was younger some of my special interests were final fantasy, anime, hello kitty, languages/linguistics has always been a special interest of mine, kpop is definitely one, astrology is also for sure one. I fall in and out of being obsessed enough with genshin to call it a special interest. I had a friend in highschool whose special interest was the periodic table, for a while they were obsessed with the 8 times table, and then it became dinosaurs. My little brother is autistic and his special interest has always been video games, he's really interested in retro games, he loves Minecraft and Mario too, when he was younger it was ben 10 for a while, there was also a period where all he wanted to do as a kid was rewatch the cars movies. Media likes to portray special interests as being academic but they can truly be absolutely anything. A desire to know absolutely everything about trains or flowers or kpop is just as much a special interest as neurology or maths or physics or smth like that.

Another thing I've just thought of to be noted, is hygiene:

some autistic people might appear to have borderline OCD tendencies where they can't handle dirt/mess and need everything to be tidy/clean all the time. This is definitely one of the stereotypes. But struggling with hygiene is just as much a symptom of autism. If you struggle to remember to shower/wash hands/brush teeth/do laundry/etc. that could well be an autism symptom. I found out I'm sensitive to mint and especially to toothpaste, it makes my mouth feel like it's burning and like I'll actually cry if it touches my tongue bc it hurts that much lmao. I discovered a toothpaste that's unflavoured and doesn't foam up and now I can brush my teeth without pain but for a long time I struggled with consistently brushing teeth bc of that. I also struggle with showering bc of being stressed out by wet hair/skin. Sometimes it's also a memory thing, and I forget to do these things. I also absolutely suck at keeping my room clean, idk why I just Really Can't lmaoooooo

I'm certain there are things I haven't covered, these are mostly pulling from my own experiences of autism from myself and those around me. All of this might apply to you, it might not, but I hope it makes sense and has given you a good starting point of things to examine within yourself and questions to ask yourself <3 I wish you well bub and please always feel free to ask more questions and/or talk to me more about your experiences <3

[minnnieminmin]

30 days of autism acceptance but i only choose the prompts i want to:

April 3rd: How do you feel about dating/romantic relationships? Have you dated in the past/are you currently in a relationship/do you eventually want one? Do you feel that your experience of autism/stereotypes around autism and relationships impacts this? 

-have never dated and don’t have any desire to. 

April 4th: Are there any topics regarding autism that you feel don’t get discussed enough?

-oof, a lot. the fact that allistics/NT’s still talk over us/treat us like children, advocate for the wrong autism charities because they couldn’t be assed to google an actual good one. the fact everyone thinks we’re either useless members of society or that we all have some super special talented that ‘’makes up’’ for our autism. i have lots more but i’ll keep it short.

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

-i’m actually very good at sarcasm. mostly because of NT’s who think i’m dumb so i retort with very sarcastic answers just to shove it in their faces. no i don’t take everything literally either

April 10th: How important is representation to you? Is the representation that is out there generally good or bad? What is your favorite piece of representation? What you like to see more of in autism representation? What would you like to see less of?

-it’s important but it’s not at the very top of my list tbh.

April 11th: What are your thoughts/feelings about masking (a term for when autistic people hide their autistic traits)? Do you mask? 

-i mask a lot. mostly because i’m scared of being seen as ‘’overly autistic’’ because of, ya you know, ableism.

April 12th: Is there anything you find hard to do because of being autistic? Is there anything that you find easy?

-hard: talking to strangers, change. easy: talking/having deep conversations, reading facial expressions/body language, using sarcasm

April 14th: What do you like about being autistic?

-having special interests/hyperfixations (NT’s will never understand lmao), being a lot more genuine, honest and nicer than the average NT.

April 15th: Do you work? If so, what is that like for you? Are you open about being autistic at work? Alternatively, how open are you about being autistic? Do you tell a lot of people? Or just a select few? How do people normally react when you tell them? If you don’t tell people, then why? 

-i don’t work and i’m embarrassed by it. 

April 16th: What did it feel like when you interacted with other autistic people for the first time? What does the autistic community mean to you? How important is it? 

-it’s great to have a place where you’re understood and you can vent about our struggles. the community really helped me accept myself in a lot of ways. shout out to y’all 

April 17th: How do you feel about terms like “special needs”?

-not a fan but if other ND’s like it then that’s fine 

April 18th: Talk about identity. Is being autistic an important part of your identity? What does being autistic mean to you? Which do you prefer: identity first or person first language and why? 

-i used to use person with autism but then i recently changed over to autistic person. i think of it in two ways. that A) it’s only a small piece of the whole pie that is me/my personality. and B) even saying that it still does color everything that i do. every choice i made is because i’m autistic. i literally can’t help that

 April 19th: Do you enjoy music, or do you find it overstimulating? If you do like music, what kind of music do you prefer?

-people who listen to music all the time honestly confuse me. i only actively listen to music when i really want to/crave it. sometimes i’ll fixation on the same song/same band for a week or more. i do get overwhelmed if i listen to music for too long though

April 20th: What are some things that allistic people do that you find confusing?

-everything lol.  

April 21st: Do you stim? If so, what are your favourite ways of stimming? What does stimming feel like for you? 

-hand flaps, cracking knuckles (i know it’s bad yeah yeah), vocal stims (just high pitched noises) bite the inside of my mouth, probably other minor ones that i’m forgetting

April 22nd: What are some things allistic people can do to better support/accommodate autistic people?

-just not be ableist pricks and talk over us all the time. abolish autismspeaks and other sites similar to it. not solely focus on autistic children but teenagers and especially adults too. stop having both very low or very high expectations of us, stop treating autistic adults like children, stop making us think that we’re a burden, stop using us to make yourselves look better.

April 25th: Do you experience executive dysfunction? If so, how often? What is it like for you? What do you wish neurotypicals understood about it?

-yes!!! i use the spoon theory thing. it’s very annoying to have tbh, especially when you want to do things that you actually enjoy but can’t do. NT’s need to understand that’s not being lazy it’s being mentally and physically unable to do certain things. 

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? 

-youtube, tv shows and movies are my favorite medium. 

April 28th: If you could give advice to someone who just found out that they are autistic, what advice would you give? 

-i’d give them a friendly slap on the back and say ‘’good luck pal’’ lol. honestly though even i don’t know what to do i’m still trying to figure it out

April 30th: What would you like your overall message for autism acceptance month to be? 

-just that we’re cool people and NT’s need to shut the fuck up and sit down and listen tbh

[againstshame]

Anonymous request for advice: “My brother is autistic and unemployed and I’m worried about his future."

Topics include: employment, hygiene, stimming that is disruptive and physically dangerous to others, “overeating”, family dynamics.

“Hello. I really hope I don’t come off as ableist. I just need some advice about my autistic  brother. He is currently 26 years old but has no goal or ambitions for his future ( everyone has a different pace I know) His special interest is in cartoons, and and researching about them (which I think is neat ) but it’s the only thing he does besides eat (this has resulted in obesity). He has had one job before, but disliked it, so my mom let him quit.

He is perfectly content just eating and watching tv, I am very worried about his future. I imagine he will stay with my mom until she passes, doing what he is doing now. What about after? We try to talk to him but I think he doesn’t really listen, he just waits for the conversation to be over. For example he only showers on Sunday, and we ask him why and suggest that maybe he can just use a wash cloth but he refuses, so we just have to deal with the odor every week

Like I said he is very large so when he stims (he stomps and spins) it shakes the house and the floorboards make a lot of noise and my teachers ask me what it is  cause it can be heard through my mic even when I’m in the basement ( online school). I ask him to be quieter but he ignores me ( I am younger) also I can’t get it attention because he is swinging his arms and I don’t want to get hit like when we were younger.

I don’t know if there’s much to be done about that tho. Is there any way to motivate my brother, how can tell my brother to think about his future. How can I talk to him in a way that he can hear me.   I am sorry if I used ableist language or phrases, if someone who is autistic or has autistic siblings can lend some advice, it would be appreciated   I want him to be able to live his life even without my mom.  Thank you.”

--

Thank you for writing in. This is a difficult situation to be in, and I hope I can offer at least some encouragement and some clarity, if not a solution.

I am autistic, and so is my brother. My brother is a little bit like yours, in that he doesn’t work and lives with my parents, while I’ve moved away. I’m older than him, though, and he may not care about my opinion about some things, but he doesn’t totally ignore me and he doesn’t physically intimidate me.

I have no idea if your brother’s life has been anything like mine, but I can tell you about the time I spent as an unemployed autistic young adult, living on my parents’ money. The main thing I can tell you is that all pressure from others to get a job or "think about my future" did was make me feel overwhelming panic. It may have seemed like I was living a carefree life but I was constantly aware that I wasn't living up to what a Good Normal Person was supposed to do, and the shame and anxiety that I felt about that were so severe that they prevented me from taking action to get a job or continue school. I tried, but most of the time, applying for jobs was so panic-inducing that I couldn’t force myself to do it.

I had no context for what work would be like, no framework to imagine what kind of job I would like or be good at. It was just a complete blank in my mind. I could not actually *want* a job, because I had no idea what it would be like- I couldn't even really imagine what having my own income would be like- which made it difficult cognitively to plan for getting one.

But also, in particular I had no conception of what a supervisor or coworker could be like other than someone who would judge me and hate me for not being normal. Looking at job postings all I could think about was how terrified I was of being judged and found inadequate. And whenever my parents or others tried to encourage me to apply for jobs, all I felt was that they were angry and disappointed with me for being a failure.

This was because most of my experience of interacting with people outside my family consisted of being bullied and socially isolated by my peers, and being mistreated by teachers. I was not able to get a job until I began to understand just how much I hated myself, why I felt that way, and how my ways of coping with (/hiding from) that feeling were limiting me. And even so, I'm certain I wouldn't have managed to apply for the first "real job" I did get except that I knew there wouldn't be an in-person interview.

I needed: 1. Self-knowledge, analysis of how I was feeling, where it came from and ways to cope with it 2. Concrete information, so that I could say "I could be good at this job" and actually believe it 3. And even with all that, I needed accommodations around the things that were most difficult and fraught for me (interviews).

Thinking back on my own experiences after I graduated from college, I'm really not sure there's anything my friends or family could have done to help me get a job sooner. There was a lot of internal work that I had to do just to be able to interact with people without being incapacitated by anxiety.

My path to getting a "real job" started with volunteer work, in which I learned skills that I was later able to get paid for, and became familiar with organizations that would hire me to do those things. That worked for me because 1. it was online, so it avoided some of the issues I had about meeting new people and talking to people in real time, and 2. I could essentially try out what it was like to have that job by volunteering, with no barrier to entry and no consequences if I decided to back out. That's the best advice I have for your brother- to sort of move laterally towards a paying job through volunteer work, topics he's already interested in, communities he's already connected to.

--

Finally, a word of caution. In your message you mention several different issues with your brother, and I think it's important to be clear about the distinctions between these different issues and why you're concerned about them.

Some of them are problems *for your brother* that don't directly affect you, but you're concerned on his behalf (his future financial security) Some of them *do* directly affect you (noisy stimming while you're trying to focus on school) Some of them aren't really direct, immediate problems for either of you, but they seem like bad things on general principle (being fat)

Our feelings about other people are naturally a mixture of reactions to many different things about them, but please be careful.

It may seem better or more justifiable to say that your brother needs to change for his own good, for the sake of his future, than to ask him to change because he's bothering you, but it's not better. Covering the one thing with the other minimizes your own needs and feelings, which deserve to be listened to and respected, and it makes your comfort and safety depend on controlling your brother's life to a degree that is beyond your right *or your ability* to control.

If he were a significantly different version of himself who had a full-time job and showered regularly and wasn't in your house all the time making you feel like you have no space to yourself, that would sure solve all your problems, but nothing you can do will make him become that person. You especially can’t fix him if you don't trust each other, like each other or listen to each other. Even if you could make him change somehow, it wouldn’t be your responsibility to fix his life for him. That’s a big burden to take on! What you can do, though, is recognize your own needs and find ways to stand up for them.

I don't think I have any really useful insight about getting your brother to take you seriously when you say he's making too much noise. I don't think that's an autism-specific problem. When people have been doing something a certain way for a long time, and it's always seemed to be okay, it can take some repetition to get them to understand that something is actually not okay and they need to change their behavior in the long term.

My advice is what I've heard general advice bloggers say about general interpersonal conflicts: talk to him about it *not* "in the moment" when he's being noisy and you're in class, but at a time when neither of you is stressed and you have time to discuss it. Bringing in other people (your mother?) to confirm that this is a significant problem may help. Still, you may have to repeat yourself a lot.

If your mother *won't* take your side, even for a very reasonable compromise like "do that stim somewhere else" or "at this specific time while I'm on a zoom call, do a different stim," then... that’s not fair to you, and maybe you should think about getting *yourself* out of this house instead of your brother.

The bottom line, I think, is that none of this should have to be your responsibility. You haven’t said your exact age, but you’re still in school. You deserve to be able to make setting *yourself* up for a good life your top priority. It’s good that you want to help your brother, but there may not be much that you can do- especially if he doesn’t *want* to listen to you. I think you should focus on taking care of yourself, and if that incidentally helps your brother or improves your relationship with him, that’s a bonus.

[stimland]

My Opinion on Person-First Language, “Having” Autism, Low vs High Functioning, and What the Autism Spectrum is

[NOTE: Originally posted to my university’s music education forum in response to various prompts related to teaching children with learning disabilities. The prompt I chose was about person-first language]

As an autistic person, I hate person-first language. It feels patronizing to say someone is a "person with autism" because autism isn't something you "have" or are "with," it's part of your identity. Our whole lives are structured differently due to the differences in the way we learn and understand. We're taught to hate ourselves at a young age for missing "simple" social cues and tone of voice (things that take us several years to learn), for our "obsessions" with certain topics (special interests), for our comforting behaviors (stimming), etc. Personally, I couldn't even fully understand the difference in inflection between a question and a statement until about 8 months ago. Even before I was diagnosed, I was subtly bullied for my difference in the way I understand things, the way I take things too literally. A lot of times I only find out that people are making fun of me by my friends noticing and telling me. Being autistic is a huge part of my identity, and it wouldn't be fair to disregard it as simply something I "have".

Some of my autistic friends don't really care about person-first language or being described as "having autism" but the majority of us dislike it. It feels more like you're trying to separate the person from the disability, when we are actually connected in a way that can't be taken apart. There's a whole culture of allistic people trying to find a cure for autism and portray us as unfeeling monsters who can't do anything ourselves (I'm sure you've all heard of Autism $peaks).

Being autistic isn't even really a disability in the sense of someone whose legs don't work, most autistic people struggle not for our "disability" but for the lack of awareness by the allistic people around us. At least there's a better understanding that someone with paralyzed legs can't walk easily or at all. (Of course, people with physical disabilities have a whole other can of worms for them. They aren't taken as seriously as they should be either, and I'm not trying to speak over physically disabled voices in making this comparison.)

Another comparison to be made, more toward the language, is with the LGBT community. You wouldn't say a "person with gayness" or "person with homosexuality" because it honestly just sounds weird. We say gay people, bi people, and trans people (Lesbians are an exception to this because the word lesbian is a noun and not an adjective). In a similar vein, you wouldn't call us "autistics" because it's considered rude, just like you (hopefully) wouldn't say "gays" or "blacks" (I'm white, so if any black people feel like I'm overstepping any boundaries by including this comparison, let me know!).

Overall, I really don't like phrases like "person with autism" or even "differently abled" because it seems to be avoiding the truth that many allistic people don't want to face: Autistic people are here, we aren't going anywhere, and we're people just like everyone else despite our struggles.

[NOTE: Reply on my post by one of my classmates]

Hello! Thank you so much for sharing this, I really appreciate hearing about your experiences and opinions. You are not the first person I've heard say this about person first language, and I've heard similar sentiments about the terms "high functioning" and "low functioning" when it comes to autism. However, it's still good to have this viewpoint confirmed by another autistic person! Your analogies are spot on and I'll be sure to incorporate the preferred language into my teaching.

[NOTE: My reply to the above]

No problem! Thank you for listening. I have a lot of thoughts about "functioning" levels too, I won't go into too much detail but the whole "high" and "low" functioning thing comes from allistic people's misunderstanding of what the autism spectrum actually is. Autism is a spectrum in the sense that there's certain traits/behaviors caused by our autism, and every autistic person is unique. For example, I prefer online discussions because the playing field is leveled so to speak, we can all easily misinterpret tone because it's just words on a screen, so it makes me feel more equal. However, my best friend who also happens to be autistic prefers real life conversations because he's spent a lot of time studying people to figure out "normal" mannerisms, so he feels disadvantaged online. These are both a result of our difficulty communicating and picking up on social cues, but we deal with them in different way. Autism being a spectrum just means not every autistic person shares the same qualities in our autism. The problem is that a lot of allistic people interpret the words autism spectrum to mean a high to low spectrum, almost like a ranking or scale, when it's actually more like a circle of different traits. I said I wouldn't talk too much about this but I ended up rambling a bit anyway. Thank you for listening though!

TLDR: Person-first language is patronizing, autistic people are autistic not with autism, high and low functioning isn’t a thing

[adultingautistic]

help? rambling! sorry for that thing.

(saw in the ask-section: so written today as of the 20th of August in the year 2020)

Hey,

No idea how to approach this. Though first things first: English is not my native language and I have some trouble with languages (even my native) [mostly speaking and writing… and understanding (the hearing part but sometime also the meaning part) – okay I just can’t language – sorry] and this thingy here will be long, again – sorry Though I learned to understand written english just so I could read more fanfictions (‘cause the ones in my native language didn’t satisfy me anymore) - spend a whole summer just reading stuff in english and now I *need* to read everything in english and watch things in their native production language (synchro is weird af) and if possible with subtitles (books: if it’s the authors native language; otherwise both languages (german and english) would be translated and then it doesn’t really matter, most of the time anyway)

WARNING: Messy, chaotic and about 2500 words long. Sorry. and it isn’t proof read and some sentences could be… not a sentence

I think I might be autistic / have adhd ? not sure, going to someone (professional) is not really an option as that would take at least 6 to 12 month to even get maybe a appointment… and it involves a lot of social interaction that would stress all people – even those that don’t have to think about *every* interaction they have with eachother… like no planning or thinking about what you have to say or can’t say and what’s appropriate? Like that is a thing – always wondered how most people got through life when everything is so damn hard. It is apparently a thing that isn’t so quite normal… lol*

Okay, most of the time (that I remember) wondered how that worked for everyone else except me – how they get through life thinking all those things, or well… don’t thinking all those things like HOW?!? Why can you “people”? and I learned it’s important if you’re a girl or not; so yeah, girl here. Followed adhd / autism stuff for a few month / weeks and now again for the last days (it’s an on and off thing). so yeah, I can relate to so much on like everything. Long time I thought, nah, can’t have it: good in school (more so when I was younger but never actually bad), finished school good (though could have been better, if I had studied once (like for my oral exam, I opened the document that should help us learn one whole time, the morning of the exam so yeah, not good at that; brain just goes, heard it once, why should I read this information? Can’t really recall it but while reading I “know” it, so WhAt Is STuDyInG?)) anyway (at this point I would have deleted about everything but like 3 or 4 sentences because… rambling. Sorry, but I think it is important what’s actually going on in my brain; I know it’s hard to read lol) considering all those things I read here (and on other blogs and stuff), I would explain so much about what’s going on in my life (I made a document where I collect all that stuff but it’s redundant sometimes and really messy; try to make a short list with most important things).

Like as a kid, it took me longer than other kids for this social stuff (not like it got “everything”, just enough to communicate more or less lol) or I was so freaking focused on rules; one example is at the train station, there is this line to indicate where you should wait for the train and the other side is where you’re allowed to step once the train is in the station – I lost it, when that rule wasn’t followed (never really big, loud but I was really upset – you know, I learned that it isn’t “allowed” to act out in public). Another thing, I would always get the adults (or kids) around me to speak to others: I mean, I wanted ice cream? Couldn’t order it (still hard to this day – I’m 19 years old btw) or any other basic interaction stuff – I mean I broke every connection to my best friend (in 6th grade, so I was like 10 or 11) because he broke a rule while playing “hide and seek” like yeah, one rule one time while playing and I didn’t speak to him for like 6-7 years (met him at driving school again lol) and I still have his book because I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore (now it’s just awkward to give it back).

As I was younger I loved reading, couldn’t get me away from it – now not so much lol (books or reading in general is so hard sometimes… most of the time) – but that is more like: I lost myself in the books and was super focused on it – now I “don’t have time” as in I can’t really read a book if I don’t have theoretically the whole day and night – cause if I have to do stuff later “there is not enough time to read a book” because I could get lost in it and miss stuff and 5 hours is like 5 minutes, right? (that is a part of “time blindness”, am I mistaken? – never really related to that on a deeper level but the longer it think about it, the more stuff comes to my mind that could be part of it lol / like I always at least try to) get ready when I want to visit my grandparents, it’s like a ten minute walk so I need at least 45 minutes to prepare. Example: want to be there at 14:00 so I should go to the bathroom around 13:15 the latest, bathroom always takes long ‘cause I get distracted, so I then somehow get going around 13:50 – spoiler: I need more like at least 15 minutes not less then 10 to get to my grandparents by foot – and where is the time? I got out of the bathroom somewhere before 13:40 most of the time – I do the exact same things every time and sometimes I’m like: oh, it’s like 13:25/13:30, why would I think I need so much time to get ready? And then most often I need longer – and no, then I start to got even earlier (bathroom is like the first thing in the routine I do before I have to leave the house) and somehow it is now 13:45 and I just leave the bathroom – HOW??)

Okay, MSWord tells me, I have written like almost a 1100 words and haven’t even looked at my 11 page document – sorry (can I even write that many words in an ask at tumblr?)

Another thing I found is RSD – of my god (I usually don’t like to use it like that but omg), that explains so much – don’t want to write too much (missed quite a few “too”s I think lol hope you understand anyway) – I really react so intense to small, constructive criticism and I didn’t (don’t) understand why; and question everything; I remember everything I did wrong (so many “small” things but I’m such bad at human sometimes) and the feels and oh no, I didn’t even do something wrong, my coworker/sort-of-not-really-friend told me how I could have slightly improved what I did: I’m such a bad human, I can’t do anything right and they won’t want to have to do anything with me again – thank you brain, not helpful. One other thing was, like I asked for one weekend of and I wasn’t allowed to take it ‘cause they planned to or already shifted an event (couldn’t really focus on that) to that weekend and I didn’t know it and when they said “no”, in that situation I could have lost it, I was almost in tears (you do not cry in public lol) and thought, how could I even ask that and be soo egoistic (along the lines of that).

This next one is just the text copied from a post but that is like exactly what it is for me:

“I literally thought all the symptoms were the default way a brain works, so you’re telling me some of you can “choose” what to pay attention to? Like, if you know you absolutely have to listen to and remember something you just “can” even if you don’t like it?

And if you’re at a restaurant and three other tables are having conversations you don’t just automatically absorb everything they’re saying?

And if you know you have to do something within the next hour it won’t just remind you of a different subject entirely which reminds you of another different subject entirely and you don’t just take you three days to remember the original thing you were doing????”

so true lol.

Found another post with autism signs in adults (that my have been missed as kids), I took out everything I don’t really relate to (like 5 or 6 things lol):

-          may constantly rehears conversations or interactions

-          may feel as though you are always on stage

-          may have a few close friends, not many acquaintances

-          may struggle with other people breaking rules (RULES ARE ABSOLUT – HOW CAN YOU BREAK THEM?)

-          may often fidget, chew, tap, or other repetitive behaviors

-          may get more or less upset at something than is “appropriate”

-          may struggle to adjust when plans change without warning

-          may have routines that don’t seem to have a real purpose

-          may struggle in situations that are unfamiliar

-          may be a very picky eater with few preferred foods

-          may struggle with noises, touching, or sensory input

-          may struggle to process visual or auditory information

-          may struggle to settle body down enough for restful sleep (though I now have a weighted blanket and that’s soo awesome, it really helps at least a bit (don’t wake up that often at night anymore))

-          may struggle to keep track of a fast conversation

-          may take jokes very literally, and not understand teasing

-          may miss sarcasm or subtleties while others are speaking

I understand teasing, I can more or less successful tease and be sarcastic but I’m not sure if people are teasing me. I do not prefer to communicate via text or email. It is still very stressful for me - a telephone is also bad (tone and stuff, not understanding the words correct and not even seeing the other person and in person is also bad – so no to communication and/or interaction lol)

I could provide example for everything but I’m at around 1700 words and just no.

Didn’t really mention sensory stuff, another post I found: “basically, your day-to-day sensory input shouldn’t be causing you distress. sounds wild, i know, but it’s not neurotypical for the stimuli (be it sound, touch, visual, etc etc) you encounter on a day-to-day basis to make you unhappy. also, if busy shopping malls or crowded parties consistently cause you distress or agitation, that’s a neurodiverse thing. it sounds strange, but apparently but yeah, it’s normal for most people to expect to be comfortable in their day to day surroundings.”

Like on one level, I knew it couldn’t be quite “normal” to be always uneasy in “normal” day to day surroundings but like, I can’t understand how people can not find it hard to be in such environment (I heard some enjoy it even, like HOW?).

Random interjection ‘cause I wanted to say something to thing from the beginning: * “Allistics do not “prepare” in order to socialize.  They do not have scripts.  They do not write them, memorize them, or use them.  They just magically know what to say. “ yeah, wow, didn’t realise that for a long time, and it is really magically. But somehow they can; I still ask my mom to help me write emails (more or less important ones) ‘cause it’s hard and she’s always like: “we do it so often, why do you still need help, just write” – not helpful and we didn’t do it actually ‘cause it is a complete different situation now lol every new email is a new thing… I need to think about what to say to the cashier every damn time I’m in the supermarket lol; if I don’t have to talk, someone else orders for me (they thinks I’m lazy or so, I don’t know but it’s so hard and you know what to do, so you can do it lol)

And that executive dysfunction thingy also explains a lot – I mean, I like languages, I’m just not good at that speaking/hearing the words thing – still, I learn Ancient Greek as a sort of hobby (I mean, I learn it for so long now, it’s too late to stop, that would be weird and it is really interesting, just really hard) and I needed like 7 hours to do the work (like, got out of bed, got breakfast, started the computer and did like 30 minutes of working, then did some stuff on the internet for like an hour and then ate my forgotten breakfast, then did some more browsing (I need to do the work cause I have to send it to my teacher this evening lol) some work for like almost an hour, some more phone, a bit of work – and so on. I did some work (but like so many people would have done more or needed less time lol) – anyway I know I really need to work on the language and I just… don’t. arg, that sucks so much, every week I think, I could start doing things on Saturday and then everyday a bit so I have like six days to do some work and every time it’s Thursday and I’m like, lol 10 hours for doing a weeks work. And it’s not like I could focus for that 10 hours – except when I can but sadly it’s almost never on the things I *need* to do. Anyway if my parents hadn’t provided dinner, I wouldn’t have eaten more than breakfast today – anyways sometime I want ice cream or other stuff and I just… can’t do it like I’m sitting here for an hour now, I’m so freaking bored and I just want ice cream but do I move? Nope, and doing something to not feel bored? Nope. I also mean to get my thingy for my wrist ‘cause I have some problems and typing hurts but lol, nope. An example as kid would be I needed hours to dry myself after a shower and just sit on the floor in my room doing more or less nothing or playing (I now a have strategy but yeah)

So, yeah, sorry; I think it’s quite possible that I’m autistic / have adhd, both or so – am I making things up and this is just my mind going a bit wild? (also, I’ve done some online “tests”; most of the time I get like ¾ of the maximal points, but at least always more than half the full points)

Sorry, it’s a messy, long thing but I need a bit of an advice or so – just, like “yeah, could be possible” or “nope.”

Thanks if you made it to the end! 20.08.2020

PS. could write so much more in my mind but nope. i think one can get my point. otherwise just ask me

PPS. actually talked with my grandmother about it, lol, she said, it would explain some things she wondered about lol (never thought i would talk in real life with someone about it but i really needed to talk about my thoughts and then i couldn’t shut up and i was so worried but she is kinda cool with it? though she doen’t really know anything about the topic except what i told her so yeah. i acually have no clue how to approach my mum (even if it isn’t autism/adhd or so, i think i have to talk about how i tick a bit lol) (sorry, just had to write it a least lol)

so sorry, needed a part two (cause brain is stupid)

Okay, part two (I’m so sorry) (now it is the 21st of August 2020)

There is so much more I can write about: sorry, again like 1300 words.

Like, special interests – I have no idea; as I kid my teacher had to regularly remind me that I have to leave the classroom for break – cause I was so into my book that I didn’t hear anyone leaving the room or the bell; now I can get really invested in some fanfictions (if I have like five days for myself and nothing to do, it is like 3 books without a break) and I’m at a point where I don’t find (good) new stuff and read the same fanfic again and again (I know exactly what will happen and still love it), sometimes I don’t read it for like a few weeks or month and then like 5 times back to back. I absolutely love Doctor Who (but I’m not excessively obsessive or so and don’t know that many facts just some), just can ramble for a few minutes (okay, everyone who would listen speaks German and my main input for Doctor Who is English, so hard to translate that and stuff). Well back to books: I love them; even though I can’t properly focus much these day, I love them, I need them: but why? I hate that when book covers changes or the side of the book like it’s: publisher, name of book, author and the next book is like name of the book, publisher, author and all is mixed up or the symbol of the publisher is slightly different: why? Can’t it be consistent? Why??.

Routines, rituals and stuff. Yeah, I have for example this one street (they repaired the street but there is a small crack now), I have to cross it on the side that is where the street crosses another and then the last 3 steps have to be on the other side and the fourth is stepping on the sidewalk (I really can’t do it any other way and I hate this one car that always blocks the crack a bit – it shouldn’t be standing there ‘cause it’s almost directly in the crossing lol) when I still was going to school, my way home was very specific and one time there was a building/construction site (just some repairs or work on the pipe lines in the ground) and the first time I saw this I was stressed after a long day of school and almost lost it right there and then, because I couldn’t walk my normal way (and yes, at home I cried at bit); for the next few weeks my way back home was hell. I have some specific routines for the bathroom and showering (though most people have that, right?). I have to pack my things and then my stuff like keys and such in the same way every time. When I need a walk I have like two (or three) routes I can take and I have to do them and almost can’t change them after I started (I can though it really throws me off and I don’t feel really well after that). One time – cause Covid-19 and stuff – you need to use a shopping cart where I live in order to enter the supermarket (so you keep more distance) – so, I went to the market by foot and had everything planned, shortly before I am at the store I realise I don’t have a “chip” (thingy you need to use the shopping cart; don’t know if you know what I mean) and I lost it – my plans and routine how I go shopping to that market (if by foot) was ruined – went back home and cried and raged like for an hour (went later again, cause I really needed stuff and I couldn’t leave that thing open, that also feels… not good – had to finish the walking “round”: to the store, store, back home)

One thing I mentioned before: sensory stuff; yeah, not a fan of “loud” noises (it isn’t always the loudness but more the number of noises). Water in my face (nope, hate it, never under the shower and like a sponge or so is horror (like everywhere on my body), just clean water is okay (but please, I can’t have had soap like right before on my hands)), lights is a day to day thing (though if I’m tired / close to what I think is sensory overload, either the room I’m in gets like darker or lights up so much it’s not tolerable anymore (then I know, I really, really have to leave the room and not see or hear anybody anything anymore)), and food, yeah (everything has its place on my plate and please don’t touch), I’m a really “picky” eater and I absolutely despise like cooked or baked fruits (some vegetables too) (they feel soo weird in my mouth… and taste bad… but the texture alone is… really, really bad) (if I wait a bit more, I could think of more but you get the gist I think)

One thing that throws me off: Since I’m 14 years old, I do some stuff with youth groups like mostly work in the church as a volunteer (like in the (school)holidays going a vacation with a group and such things) – I needed like three years (I was and still am seen as shy, mostly) to really “lead” a group (I really am good at imitating the others that can lead a group, I think) and now after I finished school and am doing a “Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr (FSJ)” (voluntary social year) (basically I “work” for a year in a social job (sorry, no idea how to explain it in English) and get not much money (that’s the volunteering-part, but ‘cause I work full-time (38.5 hours a week on paper), I get a bit of money)) – and now I applied for studying for working in a social job – can’t really explain it but important is that I would/will have to work with people and stuff, like my job is to create/plan activities for people (like for example, a meeting every week for old people, free-time activities for teenagers or so). On one level I somehow like that working with people (as long as I know what I do, I had time to plan and everything happens more or less as I imagined/planned), on another level I absolutely… well not hate it… but it is really taxing for me and sometimes I really question myself but then other people say, do it, you’re good at it – and I’m like: yeah? I sometimes feel terrible and have no idea what’s going but okay, good that you don’t see that?! Am I not totally awkward and what? Still, have no clue what I would do instead of that lol (sorry, explained that whole thing real bad; just ask, if something is unclear)

So, two options: either I fake everything I wrote before that last thing and how would that work? Or I’m really good at faking that last thing and how? I have no idea and yeah, I had to write that – can both work? Like, it’s not like that I’m always (really) comfortable doing that social stuff but on the other hand, a bit adrenaline and anxiety makes the life more fun or something like that (and it’s not like, yeay, one time a certain situation managed and the next time I can navigate that somewhat same situation, nope, it’s like nothing ever happened before and that’s… annoying?)

Sorry again to bother you. Thanks for reading

21.08.2020

PS. I will probably think of something new every few hours but that’s enough for now I think lol – sorry

PPS. And sorry for my bad English and explaining… language is hard (not like I could write it better in my native language lol)

_______________________________________________________________

First, I will never, ever, ever judge someone based on how good their English is, whether English is their first language or not.  People communicate the best they can, and that’s all that counts, and it does not matter if it’s “perfect”.

So I can’t address every detail you brought up, because this was a LOT!  I did read all of it though, and the general impression I get is that you’re right, you probably have ADHD, and possibly autism as well, though I am not a doctor and I can’t diagnose you.

You asked a few times if you could be “faking” it, and the answer to that I can say for certain: No, you are not faking.  What you told me here are your life experiences.  I just read a story of “How life is like” for you, and it was not fiction, this is your real perspective about how your brain sees the world.  This is not fake.  This is who you are, and I felt what you wrote was very open and honest, the exact opposite of fake.

Sorry, it’s a messy, long thing but I need a bit of an advice or so – just, like “yeah, could be possible” or “nope.”

Based on your experiences that you shared, I’d say it’s more than likely you have ADHD.  You talk often about trying to complete a task and losing your focus before it’s finished:

Anyway if my parents hadn’t provided dinner, I wouldn’t have eaten more than breakfast today – anyways sometime I want ice cream or other stuff and I just… can’t do it like I’m sitting here for an hour now, I’m so freaking bored and I just want ice cream but do I move? Nope, and doing something to not feel bored? Nope. I also mean to get my thingy for my wrist ‘cause I have some problems and typing hurts but lol, nope. An example as kid would be I needed hours to dry myself after a shower and just sit on the floor in my room doing more or less nothing or playing (I now a have strategy but yeah)

This is all very suggestive of ADHD.  You also had some symptoms that could be autism, but it seems like the ADHD is more prominent for you and is affecting you more (keep in mind, I’m only a stranger on the internet, I could be totally wrong).

I’m really happy that you were able to share these thoughts with your grandmother, and that she was open to listening to you about them, even if she didn’t have all the facts.  

I know you said it would be a long wait, and very difficult, to get an appointment with a professional.  But I do really think you should be tested for ADHD.  Maybe your grandmother can help you talk to your mum about it, or maybe your grandmother can make all those phone calls for you (because believe me, I know how difficult it is to make phone calls, they are just as hard for me).  Even if you have to wait a year, it would be worth it to know- and also, because in the case of ADHD, there is medication which can help you.  So it would be really worth it for you to get that, even if you have to wait a long time.

You’re obviously a very detail-oriented, thoughtful person, and I know that you’ve studied this subject inside and out.  You’re not faking, you’re not making it up.  These are your experiences, and they are the truth, and you deserve to be tested if you want to be.  

[the-casual-reply]

Unmasking: Living with Autism in a Neurotypical World

The following is an original oratory I wrote and performed at my school speech contest! I am very proud of it so I thought I would share. This was written to be performed to a largely NT audience, so don’t be surprised when it assumes that you (the reader) are NT. My main motivation for writing this was raising awareness and partially out of frustration at the societal lack of knowledge about autism. (Fyi it’s like 5 pages long sorry gamers)

My name is Chloe [redacted] and I am autistic. This term is highly stigmatized, and for my entire life I’ve heard it used in mostly negative connotations. It has taken me a long time to even feel comfortable saying that I am autistic because I fear being judged and stereotyped. Today I am here to teach you that autism is not scary nor is it a bad thing, but it can make life difficult in a world made by and for neurotypical people, and I’m here to teach you what you need to know to be an ally and a friend for an autistic person.

When I was diagnosed with autism around a year ago, I was devastated. Everything I thought I knew about myself had suddenly been taken away from me. I felt like all the achievements, experiences, and feelings of my past self were stripped from me, and I didn’t know what to do. So, I decided to do some research. And as I learned more and more, I slowly reclaimed my identity. All these things that had previously confused me were suddenly explained, and as I noticed more and more autistic traits within myself, I learned not to be afraid or ashamed of them, but to embrace them as a part of myself.

Many who are reading this right now may wonder how this applies to you. Many of you probably don’t know an autistic person, or so you think. Here’s why it should matter: about one in sixty people has been diagnosed as autistic. That means, statistically, you interact with an autistic person about every other day, and that’s not considering those who go undiagnosed. That means that every other day, you impact the life of an autistic person, and they impact your life. Many people will hear that and wonder if it truly matters that the person you may be interacting with is autistic.

And I, as an autistic person, am here to tell you that it does matter. Autism affects every single aspect of a person’s life. It affects their sensory needs, their ability to communicate, their problem solving strategies, their performance in school or at work, their social needs, and countless other aspects of their identity. Many people with autism experience high levels of social anxiety due to trends of ostracism or exclusion throughout their lives. Because of this, a seemingly trivial interaction may greatly affect an autistic person in a different way than it would for an allistic (not autistic) person. Every day, autistic people are put into stressful and draining situations, where they often don’t have anyone to help them. So, today I want to help educate more people on what autism is, what it does, and how you can help positively change the life of an autistic person.

The most noticeable difference between allistic and autistic people is that autistic people are much more sensitive to sensory input. A setting that may be normal to an allistic person may be extremely overwhelming to an autistic person. For example, bright or flashing lights, strong scents, overlapping or loud noises, and unpleasant textures or tastes are common sources of uneasiness or distress for us. 

On top of physical overstimulation, many autistic people also struggle with emotional overstimulation. Many autistic people absorb the moods of the people we spend time with due to our hypersensitivity to their feelings, and we experience emotions to a much stronger extent than allistic people usually do.

When an autistic person experiences intense feelings such as happiness or anxiety, they use a coping mechanism called ‘stimming’. Stim is short for ‘self-stimulatory behavior’ and it refers to a repeated motion or action that dispels energy that is being absorbed by the person due to their surroundings. My favorite stims are hand flapping, repeated blinking, contortion of the face, spinning, and repeating verbally satisfying words or sounds. By stimming, I can dispel some of the high levels of energy or strong emotions caused by my surroundings. 

Stimming is essential to the health and wellbeing of autistic people. But it can also be dangerous. Autistic people risk being judged, bullied, ostracized, abused, and even arrested when stimming in public. Because stimming and other signs of overstimulation are similar to signs exhibited by those who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it is not uncommon for autistic people to be arrested or harassed by police officers for stimming in public. 

For me, this is alarming. In a world where we pride ourselves on being inclusive and forward-thinking, it is still dangerous to simply be autistic in public. To me, the most important way to make the world safer for people with autism is to spread awareness for their experiences, and for actually autistic people to be the ones sharing their stories. For too long, the stereotype of the autistic person who cannot stand up for themself has been perpetuated and widely accepted. So today I’m challenging that stereotype, and I’m here to tell you some things that autistic people wish more allistic people knew about autism.

Autistic people tend to be very blunt and straightforward regarding their thoughts and feelings. To allistic people, whose interactions are filled with flowery language to avoid being upfront and honest, this is seen as impolite. So, understand that if an autistic person unexpectedly says something frank and direct that comes off as rude, they are likely just honestly saying what they’re thinking, which is what they expect you want to hear.

And to autistic people, the way that allistic people communicate can seem just as nonsensical. It can be hard for us to detect sarcasm, understand non-literal figures of speech, and interpret body language. So, when communicating with autistic people, be mindful of the fact that they may struggle to understand you. If you say something and they don’t understand what you mean right away, don’t become exasperated or treat them like their need for clarification is a burden. Calmly and nonjudgmentally explain what you said, and if they don’t need any further clarification, move on with the conversation as usual. 

On top of this, autistic people struggle to understand implied meanings. So, try to be open about your feelings and intentions. If you want an autistic person to complete a task, you should tell them exactly what you want them to do without excluding anything you think is implied. Especially don’t become frustrated or angry if an autistic person doesn’t infer something that you didn’t explicitly say. Autistic brains form conclusions by looking at little, individual clues and then piecing them together to create a model of what they should do, as opposed to the allistic method of forming a model and then filling in the blanks. This is another prominent difference between allistic and autistic brains.

Autistic people’s brains are wired to rely on routine much more than allistic people due to the way that they analyze situations. Many autistic people rely on routines to find a sense of security within their lives because of how they analyze situations. So, a sudden change in schedule can be very upsetting and anxiety inducing for an autistic person. When planning a get-together or party involving an autistic friend or family member, remember to try to give them extra notice of any changes in plans in order to help reduce any worry they may be feeling.

Because of our processing style, autistic brains require more time to process new requests and instructions than allistic brains. When an autistic person is asked to do something outside of their regular schedule or what they are usually expected to do, it may be hard for them to process at first. So, if you ask an autistic person to do something for you, they may not do it immediately. Do not berate them for this, as this would likely lead to them becoming unnecessarily stressed. Allow them extra time to process your instructions, answer any questions they may have, and be patient.

Another essential thing to understand about autism is sensory overload. As I mentioned earlier, autistic people regularly face negative sensory experiences that can become overwhelming to them. This can lead to them becoming tired and irritable, and it can interfere with their ability to communicate and function normally. When an autistic person becomes so overwhelmed that stimming cannot regulate their sensory input, they may experience a shutdown or meltdown. A shutdown is characterized by minimal or complete lack of speech, extreme sensitivity to touch and sound, inability to move, and seclusion into a space where one can be alone. A meltdown is characterized by a temporary lack of control over one’s behavior resulting in yelling, crying, and physically lashing out. Both of these are the autistic brains reactions to extremely overwhelming circumstances. Autistic people cannot choose to meltdown or shutdown, and in turn, cannot choose to stop a meltdown or shutdown that has already started.

So, it’s important to understand each individual person and what they need from you. Talk to your autistic friend or family member about circumstances that they find to be most upsetting, and actively find ways to avoid them, or if that’s not possible, warn them of the potentially stressful situation before you enter it. If you are ever with an autistic person during a shutdown or meltdown, the most important thing for you to do for them is to take them away from what is upsetting to them. Take them to a quiet, dark room, and stay with them until they have calmed down. Find a way for them to be able to communicate their needs to you, such as typing or writing, to make sure that they feel safe and comfortable.

Really, what I am asking you to do is to be a better person for the sake of not only yourself, but also the people around you, autistic or not. Be kind. Be caring. Be empathetic, understanding, and aware of how you affect those around you. In order to be an ally to those with autism, first one must learn how to be an ally to those without it.