#i understand all of my kids even the pre verbal ones cause you just kind of KNOW

[quinloki]

I was wondering if you could do Ace, Sabo and Koby(if not comfortable I understand, maybe Marco? Or someone of your choice if you'd like ^^)

I was wondering if you could do Begging, Dacryphilia, and cockwarming.

Thank youuuuu!!! I hope you have a lovely day <3!!

I did say over 18 and Koby is over 18. Plus that boy's glow up was something else. The only one I know of that tops it (heh, tops) is - in my opinion - Eustass Kid. Yeah, his pre-ts look was good and punk, but gods and demons he got so thicc.

Okay, my personal thirsts aside, let's get into this. And thank you anon for being preemptively okay with allowing me to pick someone else if I wasn't comfortable with Koby - I appreciate that kind of looking out from peeps <3

Dacryphilia is, I believe, the crying kink - not necessarily distress, but all aspects of it. Okay \o/ let's do this by Kink.

Begging:

Ace - Yes - He's not so sure about this at first, and he caves to your begging very quickly the first couple times, but after getting to think on it a bit he leans into it. How creative can you get? How bad do you want him to just rail you? It doesn't have to be verbal either, Ace is perfectly happy with you begging visually - from rubbing up against him, to holding yourself open.

He's a simple guy who appreciates simple pleasures, and he never makes you beg for too long.

Sabo - FUCK Yes - there's a bit of madness in this boy, and if you want to stoke those flames then he's not going to stop you. Sabo is a little unsure at first, but finds he really likes it. Visually, and verbally, and it's his job to make sure you're doing a good job, so he's constantly pushing you to beg better.

Certainly your vocabulary is large enough to get creative? Oh you kneel so prettily beneath him, but you're smart enough to be more enticing than that, aren't you? It's cute when you blush, like you're not literally begging for this, maybe if you beg well enough you'll be flushed all the way down to your chest.

Koby - Sure? - He might be canonically 18, but he's got slowburn vibes to me, and I think you'd be dating him at least two years before things progressed into a bedroom of any kind. (He's just so heckin' sweet), but once you get there you find he's open to trying pretty much anything. He's pretty solidly a switch, maybe leans a little more toward sub than dom, and top more than bottom, but he's here to learn and see you both satisfied by the end of it.

And he learns well. Koby is a smart, hard working, and dedicated student no matter the material or situation. Whether you're begging him, or he's begging you, the part that makes it good for him is knowing how it positively effects you.

Dacryphilia:

Ace - Yes mostly. - Ace doesn't want to see you sad or in heart-pain. He's okay with happy tears, he doesn't panic regardless of the tears, but once he adapts to you a little he has to admit he likes kissing away your tears, brushing them off your face and reassuring you, smiling with you, being in that emotion alongside you - whatever caused it - and dealing with it.

When you cry specifically because he's teasing you or overwhelming you with pleasure, he really likes those tears. He can't even really apologize for teasing you, there's just something about it that makes his heart thump a little harder.

Sabo - FUCK Yes - Please do cry for him. He doesn't want you crying because he's physically hurting you (he doesn't want you crying because he's legitimately mentally harming you either), but he does love when you cry. Maybe he bullied you, maybe the crop did it, maybe his hand did it, maybe he fucked those tears out of you. Whatever caused it there's just something about your tears that turns things up for him.

Now, if someone else causes you to cry that's entirely different. He's the only one allowed to make you cry, and certainly the one meant to soothe you afterward. Sabo's aftercare game is good too, so there's never anything that lingers poorly afterward.

Koby - No - Tears make Koby panic. Good tears, bad tears, he doesn't handle any of them well. Least of all when they're coming from you. If you cry when you're cumming it's going to take him some time to not panic when it happens - communication, obviously, is key.

Now on the flip side, Koby will let you bully him to tears. He doesn't mind crying for you and is closer to Sure on the subject. He's a little prone to tears anyway, so he's just glad you're not (legitimately) teasing him for it.

Cockwarming:

Ace - I guess - The lack of movement means Ace is prone to falling asleep with this particular kink. He's not against it, so long as you're not going to be mad if/when he falls asleep, but he also doesn't want to fall asleep when he's with you. He'd rather keep things moving so he keeps moving.

Sabo - Oh god you have no idea - He loves being buried deep inside you, and Sabo doesn't often get the chance to just stay still. He's in a busy position, so these moments are some of his favorite. There's so much bundled up into it for him as well - control, patience, will, teasing, pleasing, begging - it's the best when he can have you crying and begging for him to move, for him to let you move, when all your little shifts and twitches haven't been quite enough to tempt him.

You're so close to him the whole time. So touchable, so easy to caress, so delighted as his low voice slips softly into you - even and gentle and undeniably in control.

Koby - Yes - Surprisingly Yes. He almost never outlasts you, and sometimes he just ends up pinning you and taking you and it's about as aggressive as he gets. You teased him for his lack of will once because of it, and he had you begging and crying for him to move and he did. not. cave. He actually threatened to just leave you completely unsatisfied until you apologized.

I... huh.

Kind of broke my brain with that last sentence, that's all I got.

Kinky One Piece Head Canon

[btsqualityy]

Assuage: Chapter 14

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, angst, fluff, smut, enemies to lovers

Warnings: An instance of violence (someone gets punched), brief mentions of war, and symptoms of pre-heat (which is somewhat similar to PMS but still, I felt the need to mention it lol)

A week later, you were absolutely fucking miserable. 

It seemed like you hadn’t had a second to breathe unless you were asleep because you had been so busy at the infirmary, treating a multitude of colds since it was due to snow any day now and even delivering the babies of two Omegas and making sure that they were recovering well after giving birth. Because of your busy schedule, you hadn’t been able to see Yoongi much because he had to work and was now also helping with patrol duty and you missed him a lot. On top of all of that, your pre-heat started so everything you had been feeling only seemed to be magnified by ten.

So in short, you were extremely fucking miserable. 

“You know, I’m gonna need you to hurry the fuck up and get some heat knots because you’re a bitch during pre-heat,” Taehyung laughed as he sat in your chair in your office, making you roll your eyes as you cleaned off some equipment. 

“Bold of you to assume that I’m gonna get some knots during my heat,” you huffed.

“Oh please, judging from the way that you just stopped smelling overwhelmingly like Yoongi and it’s been over a week since you said the two of you spent any significant amount of time together, he’s definitely not gonna be able to resist your scent during your heat,” Taehyung said. “And that’ll be a good thing because you’re hella cranky.”

“You know, everyone doesn’t get their attitude magically fixed when they get a knot like you do,” you pointed out with a smirk. 

“If they were getting a knot like Jungkook’s, they definitely would,” Taehyung laughed, which made you gag from the mental image that you got. 

“Did you come see me to keep me company or just to fucking annoy me?” You wondered as you finished with your equipment, turning around to face him afterwards. “And get the hell out of my chair!”

“Yeah, someone needs to call Yoongi hyung right now to come get you,” Taehyung giggled as he stood up from the chair and stepped around your desk.

“No need to call him, I’m meeting up with him right now actually,” you smiled as you glanced at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was finally the end of your shift for the day. 

“Is this your last shift before your heat?” Taehyung wondered and you nodded as you grabbed your jacket, pulling it on and zipping it up. 

“Yep. I’m not exactly sure when my heat is gonna hit but it’s soon and I’d rather it not happen here at work,” you grimaced as you motioned for Taehyung to follow you, taking a second to turn off the lights before shutting and locking the door to your office. “And being around Yoongi isn’t gonna help it either.”

“Are you gonna ask Yoongi hyung to spend your heat with you?” Taehyung questioned as the two of you walked down the hallway to the entrance of the infirmary.

“Damn, you’re so nosy,” you huffed out a laugh, waiting for Taehyung to push the doors open for you and let you walk out first before following behind you. “But yes, I am.”

“Hey, I got that from Mom so it’s not my fault,” he shrugged, making you smile because you could remember when your mom used to have Taehyung sneak around and gather gossip for her. 

“I’m gonna tell him about me too,” you revealed, and Taehyung’s eyes widened.

“Seriously?” He gaped.

“Yeah. I wanna tell him before my heat because he’ll probably be able to notice something off by my scent when it starts,” you told him.

“True,” Taehyung nodded. “It’ll be good for him to finally know, though.” Just as the two of you walked down the steps of the infirmary, you were surprised to see Sehun walking up to the two of you. 

“Hello Taehyung,” he greeted him before turning to you. “Hi Y/N-ah.”

“Hey,” Taehyung smiled lightly.

“Hi,” you mumbled.

“I was hoping to catch you,” Sehun began. “I heard some rumors and I was hoping that you could shed some light on them for me.”

“Rumors?” You repeated and Sehun nodded.

“It’s been going around that you’re dating the Prime Alpha, and I just couldn’t believe that given that you accepted my gift a few weeks ago,” Sehun explained.

“Accepted it?” You laughed in disbelief.

“What gift Y/N-ah?” Taehyung asked quietly.

“Sehun here tried to give me a bracelet but instead of actually waiting for me to verbally accept it, he just put it on me and scented me without permission in the process,” you told him.

“You what?” Taehyung grumbled, whipping his head back to look at Sehun. 

“Are you seeing the Prime Alpha?” Sehun demanded to know, completely ignoring Taehyung. 

“Not that it’s any of your business or concern, but yes I am,” you spat, reaching up and pulling the collar of your coat down a little so that Sehun could see the necklace hanging around your neck. 

“You really accepted that gift over mines?” Sehun rasped. “Mines was obviously more well-made.”

“You could’ve given me a fucking diamond for all I care, it wouldn’t change the fact that you basically forced it on me,” you fumed. “And I’d never accept a gift from a misogynistic alpha like you anyways!”

“Now you listen to me, you ungrateful little,-” Sehun sneered as he wrapped his hand around your wrist, starting to move towards you but he didn’t get far because there suddenly was a firm body standing in front of you.

“Get the fuck away from her!” Yoongi growled as he pushed Sehun away, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps. Your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting Yoongi to swoop in like that. 

“You think you’re hot shit just because you’re Prime, asshole?” Sehun chuckled darkly as he straightened up. As he did, you realized that he was getting into position to fight and you knew that Yoongi would rip him to shreds if that happened. 

“I’m not the one who’s going around trying to push up on an Omega that’s clearly taken,” Yoongi shot back. “You see who’s necklace she’s wearing and who’s scent is on her, idiot.”

“You just got here, you don’t get your pick of our women and Omegas,” Sehun complained.

“And that logic is probably why she accepted my gift and not yours, huh?” Yoongi smirked and you couldn’t help the small smile that came onto your face because that was the exact reason why you accepted Yoongi’s gift and not Sehun’s.

“I’m gonna kick your ass Min!” Sehun exploded but before you or Yoongi could say anything, Taehyung stepped forwards and stood in between the two of them.

“Sehun, don’t be a knot head,” Taehyung chastised him. “Yoongi’s Prime, he’ll kill you with very little effort.”

“You better listen to the kid,” Yoongi grumbled. 

“I don’t give a fuck! He thinks he can just come in here and steal the attention of all the Omegas and end up with one of the most desired ones?! It’s bullshit!” Sehun exclaimed.

“Y/N made her choice and that has nothing to do with Yoongi. You know that but you’re just misdirecting your anger,” Taehyung told him. “You’ve been trying to get with Y/N for years now so trust me when I say that if she really wanted to be with you, then she would’ve accepted you a long time ago.” Sehun then looked at you for confirmation and you just shrugged before nodding your head.

“Fine,” Sehun relented, sending a harsh glare in Yoongi’s direction before turning to walk away. Before he could though, Yoongi placed his hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn around before landing a solid punch right against his jaw.

“Yoongi!” You gasped, immediately reaching forward and pulling him away from Sehun, who had fallen onto the ground from the force of the blow.

“If you ever touch her again,” Yoongi began in a dark voice. “I will literally break every single one of your fingers so that you can never touch anyone again. You understand that?” Sehun just glared up at Yoongi without answering him, which only served to further irritate Yoongi. “I really suggest that you fucking answer me because I’m two seconds away from strangling you, dumb ass.”

“Understood,” Sehun finally uttered, and you could see the tension leave Yoongi’s shoulders as he relaxed. Sehun managed to stumble to his feet and stagger away, while both you and Taehyung turned to look at Yoongi with matching looks of amazement. 

“What?” Yoongi shrugged.

“Is it bad that I kind of wanted to see you kill him?” Taehyung chuckled.

“Trust me, I wanted to but not in front of Y/N-ah,” Yoongi admitted. He turned to face you completely, reaching out and taking ahold of both of your hands. “You’re ok right? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you assured him. “He was just being a fucking knot head. How’d you swoop in like that?”

“I was on my way here to meet you like we agreed, and I saw that dumbass,” Yoongi huffed. “I recognized his scent from that fucking bracelet so I figured that he was probably bothering you and he only confirmed it when he fucking grabbed you.”

“My hero,” you cooed with a smile as you moved closer to him, rubbing your nose along the scent gland on his neck. 

“Well, I’m gonna go before the pheromones' that Y/N-ah is emitting make me choke,” Taehyung gagged. “See you two in a few days.”

“Bye,” Yoongi said and you just threw your hand up at Taehyung, too focused on trying to cover Yoongi in your scent. “Baby? You alright?”

“I’m in pre-heat,” you admitted. 

“Ah, that’s why you’re so touchy,” Yoongi laughed. “You wanna go to my place or yours?”

“Uh, yours,” you said. “Wanna smell like you.”

“Ok, let’s go,” Yoongi said, chuckling when you wouldn’t let go of him even when he began to walk.

......................................

“I have a surprise for you,” Yoongi said as he led you down the hallway to his bedroom. After getting to his cabin and allowing him to feed you some dinner, he managed to get you to pull your nose out of his neck in order to show you something.

“What is it?” You wondered. Instead of answering you, he just opened his bedroom door and your mouth dropped open a little because sitting on his bed were two large piles of multiple blankets.

“You bought these for me?” You asked as you walked over to the bed, reaching out and letting your hands run over the material and your Omega preened when you felt how soft they were.

“Well, you said that you wanted them and I wanted you to be able to build a nest here,” he told you as he walked over to stand next to you. You then turned to him, setting your hands on his cheeks before pressing a firm kiss against this lips.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “I love them.”

“Wanna make your nest?” Yoongi suggested and you nodded immediately before setting to work. Embarrassingly enough, it took you way longer than it usually did to make the nest because you couldn’t stop yourself from pausing every so often and just enjoying how soft the material of the blankets was against your hands. Once you were finally done though, you didn’t hesitate to climb onto the bed, making yourself comfortable as you laid back against the headboard.

“Come get in,” you whined as you extended your arms, making Yoongi laugh as he climbed onto the bed as well, settling his body down next to yours.

“You know, I think I like you more during pre-heat,” Yoongi murmured, watching as you snuggled into his side. “You’re so cute.”

“I’ll still kick your ass Yoongi, don’t tempt me,” you warned him, rolling your eyes when he just laughed out loud. “But speaking of my heat, I wanted to ask if you would be willing to spend it with me?”

“I’d be honored baby,” he smiled which made you smile as well. “I was hoping that you’d ask.”

“Before that though, I have some things that I need to be honest with you about,” you said as you sat up a little, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion because he could sense how serious you had gotten.

“Ok, go ahead,” he said.

“Well, you know that I’m an Omega,” you began and Yoongi nodded. “But I’m, uh, I’m Prime.”

“Wait, what?” Yoongi chuckled in disbelief. “No you’re not.”

“I definitely am,” you insisted. 

“But Prime Omegas are rare.”

“Rare doesn’t mean obsolete,” you giggled and Yoongi took a second to think about it. Remembering back to how you took that deer down, how strong you are and how you’ve been stubborn as hell since the day that he met you, it all actually made sense.

“That’s what the book meant by your presentation being special,” Yoongi whispered to himself as the pieces all came together.

“My presentation?” You echoed. “What do you know about my presentation?”

“That day that you and Hyorin came into the hardware shop to put in the order for her crib and you told me that I should brush up on the pack history, I had Taehyung show me later that night,” Yoongi revealed. “I read about your parents getting together and having you and Namjoon and adopting Taehyung, and Namjoon’s presentation but when I got to yours, Taehyung stopped me from reading any further.”

“He stopped you because me being Prime isn’t common knowledge to anyone that was born outside of the pack,” you told him.

“Why?”

“For a few different reasons,” you shrugged. “Mostly though, I didn't want anyone coming into the pack and trying to stage a coup just to get me to mate with them because I’m Prime and they think that I’ll be able to have good pups because of it.”

“But biologically, any pups that you have will be stronger and healthier than a pup born to non Prime parents,” Yoongi chuckled.

“I’m a doctor so I do know that,” you replied while rolling your eyes. “But that’s not all I am and it’s not all I want to be.”

“That’s understandable,” he agreed, his eyes widening immediately after when he realized something else. “Wait, you’re supposed to be Pack Omega!” 

In most families, if one of their children presented as Prime, the Prime child often automatically became the next leader of the pack whenever their parents died or retired. This was because it was well known that the Prime child would most likely end up seriously injuring and/or killing their siblings. 

“I was wondering how long it was gonna take you to put that together,” you giggled.

“Why aren’t you?” He questioned. “Did you lose in ritual combat?”

“Yoongi, look at me,” you deadpanned. “Do you really think I lost? And to Namjoon and Tae, of all people?”

“Well, it was the only thing I could guess,” Yoongi shrugged. 

“I didn’t lose, I gave the position to Namjoon willingly,” you revealed. “We didn’t even have the fight.”

“Why did you do that?” Yoongi gasped. “That was your birthright.”

“Ok, so I’m gonna have to go back a little to explain this. In the book that Taehyung showed you, did you read about how my dad beat his sister in ritual combat way back in the early 90s?” You asked and Yoongi nodded in affirmation. “My dad was a Prime Alpha but he still fought his sister, who is Jin’s mom by the way, because he wanted to show the pack that he could earn the position of being the leader. He didn’t want to have the position of being Pack Alpha just because he was born Prime, and he taught that to us as well.”

“So, does that mean that you didn’t want it?” 

“The opposite, actually,” you smiled. “I had always looked up to my dad so I wanted to become the leader of the pack just like he was and then when I presented as Prime Omega, I was so excited. My dad and mom used to always say that they didn’t play favorites but they would take me on treaty trips to other packs with them and they were basically grooming me to take over.”

“What about Taehyung and Namjoon?” Yoongi wondered. “How did they feel about you presenting as Prime?”

“Their reaction was mixed,” you shrugged. “Tae never really wanted to lead the pack anyways, so he didn’t care. Namjoon did though, but I think for him, it was more about him being an Alpha and not wanting to lose the position to his little sister but he still knew that he was going to lose regardless. Despite that, we had all agreed that even though I was Prime, we were still going to fight for the position,” you explained. 

“So, what changed?”

“Our parents getting killed is what changed,” you told him. “The Great Pack War started literally right after that and there just was no time for a ritual combat ceremony to be held the way that it should be, not when the pack was just trying to survive. Namjoon fought for the full two years that the war happened, I fought for a little less than a year, and Taehyung stayed here to try and help guide the pack. I didn’t want to go but when it started to look like the pack was going to lose, everyone strongly suggested that I could be of major help because I’m Prime.”

“That explains why you hate the war so much,” Yoongi murmured. “You didn’t feel like you had a choice.”

“Exactly,” you confirmed. “Once the war was over, I was still so angry and hurt about my parents and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to be the great leader that my dad was while I was like that so I told Namjoon that he could have the position.”

“And he just accepted it?” Yoongi chuckled. “He doesn’t seem like the type to easily give in.”

“He’s not and he did try to fight me about it,” you giggled. “But I told him that either he could take it or I was going to give it to Tae and we all know that Tae does whatever the hell he wants so Joon wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“I’m surprised that Taehyung didn’t have anything to say about that, even though he didn’t want it,” Yoongi muttered as he reached over and grabbing your hands, intertwining your fingers with his. 

“He bitched about it for a while but only because I went to Joon first and not him. We all knew it was the best choice though,” you shrugged. “Joon’s extremely smart, caring and kind hearted almost to a fault, he loves the pack as much as I do, and he was the oldest anyways so it made sense.”

“Wow,” Yoongi huffed in amazement as the weight of everything you had told him really began to settle in. 

“Yoongi, I know it’s a lot to take in but I really need to know that you’re ok with this,” you told him. 

“What, with you being Prime?” He scoffed. “I don’t care about that.”

“Not just that, but also with the fact that I’m never going to be Pack Omega,” you said. “I’ve dated guys before, mostly from outside of the pack, who would get upset when they realized that I don’t have any intention of ever trying to take the position back from Namjoon.”

“Hey, that’s just fine with me,” Yoongi promised. “My old pack was full of power hungry knot heads and I’ve seen how that can change people and tear apart relationships and that’s not me, ok? That’s not what I want.”

“Are you sure?

“More than,” he swore, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “After all the shit I’ve been through over the years, I just want peace and I’ve found that here, with you so I’m more than happy.”

“Me too,” you smiled, moving forward and kissing him again. After a few seconds, the both of you pulled away and Yoongi looked at you quizzically. “What?”

“I just can’t believe that I couldn’t tell from your scent that you were Prime,” he sighed. “I feel a little stupid.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” you laughed. “It can be hard to tell if you’ve never met a Prime Omega before, because you don’t have anything to compare the scent to.”

“It makes sense though, especially as to why you smell so fucking good,” he smirked as he leaned forward, pressing a few open mouthed kisses along your scent gland. Your eyes fluttered shut and you almost let out a moan because of how good it felt, but you knew that was only because you were in pre-heat and sensitive as all hell.

“That could just be the pre-heat,” you breathlessly pointed out.

“Nah, you always smell this good,” he muttered and you just rolled your eyes in response. 

“I’m in pre-heat, so you don’t have to butter me up,” you grumbled. He pulled away from your neck then, looking down at you with a soft smile.

“You gonna let me take care of you?” He hummed, letting his nose rub against yours. “Gonna let me help you through your heat?”

“Please,” you whispered.

“I got you baby,” he promised before smashing his lips onto yours. 

......................................

Tag List:  @jikook-enthusiasts @veryuniquenamegoeshere @seolarsyj @littlrmills14-blog @preciouschimine @kt-rny @copenhagenspirit

[adultingautistic]

Heyyy! So, when I was a kid, I was able to do a lot of things - I was on the gifted list for english lessons and in a seperate class, I was p decent at math, and science was easy peasy. Now, I'm much older and heading into higher education,, but It seems my needs have changed. My sensory issues are a lot worse, but the thing that strikes me the most is how my needs for support have changed. I now need help reading questions so I don't miss out on important information, and I need extra- (1/2)

(2/2) time to process things in order to be able to answer things or give a coherent reply. Bombarding me with questions verbally causes me to go nonverbal. I have meltdowns a LOT. Is this a common occurance in autistic people? When I was small I didn't show as many traits, but as the world has changed around me, I've begun to show more traits, and been in need of far more support. Should I be worried? Does this happen a lot? How can I deal with it? Thank you for your time. -🦈

Ask Date: September 10th

Hi, are you me?  Did I secretly write this ask?  

Because you are describing my life exactly.

I was also very bright in gradeschool/highschool and flew through the lessons with one eye closed because they were so easy for me.  Forget needing extra help, I was giving it!  I tutored a whole bunch of my friends and helped other countless kids understand the assignments.

Then my first year of college, I failed out.  My grades for my first semester in college were F, D, F, I, and P. (Fail, Fail, Incomplete, and “Pass” which is code for “your grade was extremely low”). Basically, you can’t do worse.

Now I was also going through some incredible emotional trauma at the time involving my family that I won’t go into here...but had I been in high school at the time, I know my grades wouldn’t have suffered as much as they did.

So what happened?

This is only a theory, because I can only base this on my own experience as an autistic student.  But I think what happened was it was too much change, too fast, with a sudden lack of support that was once there.

So here’s the thing.  Autistics struggle in huge ways to learn social rules.  This makes it really hard for us to make friends, gets us bullied, gets us called “weird”, etc.  We need things explicitly spelled out for us, we need to be told what the rules are But school, as it is for a kid, is the MOST structured environment most of us will ever be in (the only thing I can think of that’s even more structured than school is the military).  And this enables autistics to thrive!

School is all about routine!  It’s about doing the same things and going the same places every day.  The rules are explicitly explained, and they are clear, and we can understand them and follow them!  Raise your hand if you want to speak!  Don’t talk during a test!  These rules are concrete and we can understand them, and follow them.

So then you spend 12 years learning the ins and outs of “School social”.  By the time you get to the end of high school, you’ve got it down.  You’ve spent your whole life at this and you’re pretty good at it.  You know what to expect, you know what to do.

And then it’s gone.

Boom.  Nothing.

College is nothing like grade school was.  Your day isn’t pre-determined for you by others, you determine your schedule.  If you forget a homework, no teacher is going to remind you the next day or ask you again.  You just get a 0, nobody says anything, and life goes on.  If you missed how the professor was informing students of what the assignments were, then well- you just don’t know what they are.  Nobody’s going to check up on you.  Nobody’s going to care that you’re failing.  The professor is not there to support you.

In fact, you suddenly have NO support, at ALL.  It’s hard to see when you’re IN gradeschool how much support you’re really getting, but it’s a lot.  Teachers guide you.  They explain things many times.  They bug you when you forgot an assignment.  They let you complete things late.  There is so much help that you’re used to, and it’s enough support that you’re able to actually use your brain for what it’s supposed to be used for - learning.

When I first got to college, I had a bunch of zeros for my grades, and I didn’t even know where they came from.  Apparently, the professors had been giving out assignments- but I missed that social cue, and I was unaware there were assignments.  And it was different in every class.  Some of them just quietly wrote it on the board, never said a word, and dear God you hoped you noticed it.  Some of them just sent an email.  If you didn’t know to read your email, welp.  Some of them just handed out the syllabus with due dates and that was that.

It was impossible for me.  My communication struggles suddenly hit me head-on like a brick to the face.  

On top of that, the precious, precious routine from grade school was gone.  Suddenly I was supposed to plan my day, and decide what to do with my time- when I had spent exactly 0 minutes learning how to do that or building those kinds of skills in gradeschool.  

This was beyond stressful.  And what happens when I’m stressed?  My ability to handle sensory input crashes.  Normally, I can handle a Bad Input or two for awhile, but if I’m already stressed, I can’t handle anything.  So that yucky smell coming from that person next to you?  What was before a little annoying is now “I have to leave the room” levels of intolerable.  

Forget trying to be social, or to communicate.  You mentioned being asked questions as sending you into near overload territory to the point that you go nonverbal- and this can absolutely happen if you’re stressed.  

Autistics struggle hugely with change.  Change is very, very difficult for us.  And going from high school to college is one of the biggest changes there is in a person’s life.  It’s a huge thing to handle.  It’s going to cause stress.  Which is going to lower your ability to process verbal questions, and all other sensory input.

So basically, yes, this is absolutely normal for an autistic person who is facing such a huge change.  When we are stressed, all our autistic traits “show more”.  That’s because we have less energy to mask.  We can’t compensate.  

But what you are doing is exactly the right thing.  You’re using the supports that are given to you, and bravo to you for doing that!  Rather than needlessly struggling, you’re making use of the accommodations that are available, so that you can still succeed!  This is wonderful, and excellent self-care.

It took you 12 years to learn how to do grade school correctly.  Learning how to do college is much harder and a huge change from that.  It’s like you’re starting the game over from level 1- all the skills, items, and experience you earned is gone, because it’s a totally new level and the rules are so very different.

You do not have to be worried about yourself.  It’s not really you that has changed, it’s your environment.  The support system of routine, familiarity, and consistency that you had relied on for all your life are now gone, which is making your autistic traits “show” more, but they were always there.  You were just compensating for them without realizing it.

Now you’re realizing you’re compensating for them, by using accommodations, but that’s okay.  That’s exactly what you SHOULD be doing.  The point isn’t what accommodations you needed- the point is to get the degree.  And once you get it, it will be just as valid and count for just as much as anyone else’s, and you will have earned it, and you deserve it. 

 You’re doing amazing and I’m super proud of you.  Keep going!

[goneseriesanalysis]

Astrid Ellison

So here are my opinions on Astrid Ellison from book 1. Astrid was the character on which my opinion changed the most, which is why it’s taken me so long to get my thoughts together. Sorry for the length again but it seems I have a talent for ✨rambling✨

Spoilers for Gone by Michael Grant down below

Original Opinion: Astrid was one of my least favourite characters. I remember finding her irritating and self-righteous and honestly couldn’t think of a single good thing to say about her.

New Opinion: Astrid was my favourite character in this book. She had moments where I found her slightly irritating - but I think that was Michael struggling to right a smart character more than anything else. She was so kind and brave and not at all like the emotionless and manipulative girl that I remember hating at the grand age of 14. 

1.) Astrid’s appearance - Astrid is one of the better described characters in Gone. In the first chapter we find out that she “had shoulder-length blonde hair, and liked to wear starched white short-sleeved blouses that never failed to catch Sam’s eye.” This description immediately establishes her as Sam’s love interest, from her being the first character to get a proper description to Sam’s clear infatuation with her. This is perhaps one of the reasons why I’m not a huge fan of their relationship – it was obvious from page 3 that they were going to end up together.  We get three other main descriptions of Astrid throughout the book that really stood out to me:

“Her normally sharp, discerning blue eyes were wide, with way too much white showing” – Chapter 1

“She sat in the big white wicker rocker with her feet propped up on the railing. Her bare legs were blazing white in the sunshine.” – Chapter 20

“The starched white blouses of the pre-FAYZ had given way to t-shirts” – Chapter 28

What really stood out to me in these descriptions is the repeated use of the colour white. Now, in religion white is symbolic of faith, innocence and sacrifice, all of which really seem to fit the characterisation of Astrid. She has a lot of faith in the beginning, not only in God but also in herself. She is relatively confident in who she is and in her place in the world. As the book continues, however, she begins to lose this faith. As she sacrifices more of her time to the care of Little Pete (I really don’t like how Michael constantly treated him as a burden but that is a topic for another post), she becomes less and less confident in her faith and begins to resent what she has become. 

As for Astrid’s innocence, I believe this is more of an insight into how Sam views her as opposed to how she actually is. Astrid is intelligent and brave and caring (although a lot of the time I think she struggles to show it) – but is she innocent?? I don’t think so, at least not in the traditional sense. She has grown up as a parent, been forced to mature faster than other children her age. She is Little Pete’s constant defender, and I think in this way Sam underestimates her. As the book continues, he begins to see this, with her staple white blouses transforming into t-shirts, he begins to see her for who she is. 

2.) Astrid’s Personality and Character - Aside from Astrid’s intelligence and religious beliefs, Astrid has a very well-rounded personality. She is brave and kind-hearted but seems somewhat socially inept, meaning that the softer side of her personality is often hidden by her cool exterior. (I think there is a possibility that Astrid is autistic-coded but I don’t know enough about the topic to develop this point past mere observation). She takes on the role of a mother to Little Pete and this calmer, kinder, and more protective side of Astrid is often shown in small moments throughout the books. Astrid is the first person to offer comfort to Quinn when he realises his parents are missing, and it is only once she does this that Quinn finally allows himself to fall apart (Chapter 2). She places a hand on his shoulder and for the first night is the one who hears out Quinn’s wild theories, instead of shooting them down (cough cough Sam). 

Her relationship with Little Pete is a complicated one. While she often seems resentful about her new position as a guardian, it feels like her resentment towards Little Pete is a way for her to mask her anger at things that are beyond her control. She is furious that the FAYZ has left her without parents, and is even more furious because she can’t truly understand why it has happened. So, to stop these feelings of helplessness, she targets her resentment towards the person she is closest do (as most of us unfortunately do when we feel this way). But despite her anger, her unconditional love always wins out. And this is one of the things I absolutely adored about her when re-reading. Despite her often feeling trapped by her new role in Little Pete’s life, she is still willing to distance herself from Sam, Edilio and Quinn (who are, as far as we know, the closest thing she has to friends) in order to keep him safe. She realises that Little Pete caused the FAYZ in chapter 11 and, even when Sam confronts her, her first move is to defend LP – she is not concerned with what they think of her, only with the safety of her brother. 

Further on in the book, after Drake forces her to call Little Pete a slur, she is horrified with herself. She gives almost no thought to the pain she went through stating that “now she was far more angry at herself than she had ever been at him.” I think this really just shows how devoted Astrid is to her brother and, when you remember that she is only 14 it really is amazing how strong she forces herself to be for him. I began to notice on this read through just how much she neglects her own emotions and wellbeing in favour of protecting others (she even shields LP with her own body when the church collapses on top of them and we get no indication as to how injured SHE is). Once again her thoughts are only on her brother. While I wish she had made more of an effort to communicate with Little Pete in a way that he could understand (the few times she does this in the book, he does respond well and it would have been interesting to develop this side of their relationship more, rather than just the one sided protector/protected dynamic), when you think about her age and the trauma that she must be experiencing, I think she does exceptionally well to stay so kind, patient and collected for the majority of the time.

 One thing that really surprised me the most when revisiting Astrid’s character was her immense bravery. This is a huge part of her character that I had completely forgotten about, leading me to remember her as little more than a typical damsel in distress. While she often uses her intelligence as a defence mechanism, such as in Chapter 15 when she stands up to Diana, in times when a verbal smack down is inappropriate, she is perfectly willing to put herself in danger in order to protect those that she cares about. We first see this in chapter 10 when she breaks up the fight on the highway. We see it again when Panda and Quinn attack Little Pete, with one of my favourite quotes of the whole book, “Did you throw a rock at my brother?’ Astrid yelled. Fearless in her outrage.” It reminds me so much of the Frankenstein quote “I am fearless and therefore powerful” and was the point in the book where my past prejudices got completely wiped away and were replaced by my new love for her. She cares so much about people, and gets hardly any recognition for it. I just want to give her a hug 😥

Another thing I noticed about Astrid, which I thinks fit’s in really well with the idea of her being this awkward social outcast (I mean did she even have any friends before??) is that while many pop culture references are made by a variety of characters, Astrid makes multiple references to historical figures:

“Patrick was named for Patrick Star, the not-very-bright character on Spongebob” – Lana’s pov Chapter 2

“It’s like a roadrunner cartoon” – Quinn Chapter 9

“I’ll bet you’re one of those brainy Lisa Simpson types” – Diana Chapter 14

“Let me guess, you’re secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles.” – Sam Chapter 21

“And this isn’t exactly the time for me to consult Yoda on how to use my power” – Sam Chapter 26

“..an ornate, heavy iron thing that Coates kids joked was the tenth Nazgul” – Jack’s pov Chapter 32

“Too bad Dr Phil’s not around.” – Diana 39

VS

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” – Astrid Chapter 5

“To understand this you’d have to be Einstein or Heisenburg or Feynman, on that level” – Astrid Chapter 13

“Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. I forgot who said it.” – Astrid Chapter 17

I don’t have much else to say about this other than I find it quite interesting and I think it perfectly highlights how Astrid never quite fits in, no matter how hard she tries. 

3.) Astrid’s Intelligence - Astrid’s intelligence is mainly used for world building throughout the first book. It is from Astrid that we learn the full story of the power plant incident, learn that the barrier is a dome and are introduced to the idea of animal mutations, as well as many theories about the outside world/ what caused the FAYZ (although those last theories are a misdirection on her part). This works well for the most part as it means that important information can be spaced evenly throughout the book, without the need for info-dumps. However, sometimes Michael’s attempts to showcase Astrid’s intelligence were, I think, a little on the nose and took me out of the story. The worst offender for this, in my opinion, is in chapter 2 with the line “Is that meant to be a pro forma reassurance or a specific commitment?” This is a really nit-picky complaint but this line just really bugged me as it seemed like he was making her smart for the sake of being smart and it kind of came off as annoying. I know one of her character flaws is her social awkwardness but this just felt too much. I love the way she over-explains and over-analyses things when she’s nervous, and I think her constant referencing to things that the other characters just don’t understand perfectly demonstrate this flaw, but lines like this seemed a little irritating and obnoxious. 

The secondary use for Astrid’s intelligence in this book is as her primary line of defence. Her intellect is something that she prides herself on, but it is also something that separates her from everyone else. People are intimidated by her, and, as a result, she has learned to use her intelligence as a weapon when necessary. This is clearly seen in chapter 14, when Diana tries to intimidate her and Astrid immediately starts asking Diana questions about the cause of the FAYZ (questions that she knows Diana has no answer to). It’s later seen in chapter 22. When Drake begins to bully Astrid into calling LP a slur, she fights back by explaining that said slur is outdated; explaining the meaning of it; and then explaining how it does not fit LP anyway. While she knows that she cannot use her physical strength, her intellect is something that she can weaponise in certain situations in order to protect herself and those she loves. Her proficiency in this tactic also leads me to believe that Astrid has probably been in similar situations before. Everyone in Perdido Beach seems to know about LP. Is that why she has no friends?? Has she distanced herself from her peers in order to protect LP from their ignorance, whether consciously or not??

4.) Astrid and Religion - I don’t have as much to say about this, as I’m not religious myself and have very little understanding of Christianity (Or Catholicism – I’m actually not sure which Astrid is meant to be so if anyone knows I would appreciate it), but I feel like this is a such a huge part of who Astrid is that I had to at least mention it. One thing that I do like is Astrid’s seemingly constant battle between her scientific beliefs and her religious beliefs. While she does believe in God, she won’t accept him as an explanation for the FAYZ, and still looks for a scientific answer. Her relationship with religion seems to act as more of a moral guideline rather than a fundamental belief system. She looks to God for guidance and support in times of trouble, such as at Bette’s funeral (Chapter 17), as she is being chased by Drake (Chapter 24) and when the church is collapsed on top of her (Chapter 45) and seems to be convinced that her morality is directly tied to her faith. However, she relies on facts (things she can explain and control) for true comfort, and doesn’t allow her faith to interfere with her action. I think these ideas are perfectly encompassed by this quote from Chapter 40 “No. I believe in free will. I think we make our own decisions and carry out our own actions. And our actions have consequences. The world is what we make it. But I think sometimes we can ask God to help us and He will.” – And I am quite excited to see how her faith/ loss of faith changes her perceptions in the later books. 

5.) Astrid’s Role in The Book - For the most part, Astrid has three main roles in this book:

- To act as LP’s protector

 -To act as a source of plot-relevant and world building information to the reader

-To be Sam’s main motivation is becoming the leader

And this, in my opinion, is a phenomenal waste. Astrid was the perfect candidate for the leader of the FAYZ, and giving the role to Sam made no sense?? I think what Michael was trying to do was suggest that Sam had to be the leader instead of Astrid because, while Astrid is the intelligent one who knows how to work people, Sam is the one who people look to when things go wrong. (Think of Katniss and Peeta’s dynamic in The Hunger Games). But, it just doesn’t work. For one, we know that what the people of Perdido Beach think has very little effect on leadership. There was no uproar when Caine took over. Were people scared and upset?? Yes. Did they run to Sam’s aid and rebel against Caine?? No. So why should it matter whether they prefer Sam to Astrid – Sam could still be the hero without being the leader. In fact, I think it would have made both characters so much better if this was the case. Also we know that in times of crisis, people DO look to Astrid. Albert’s cat anyone?? Furthermore, Astrid’s ability to use her intellect to play on people’s emotions is a much better match for Caine’s easy charm than Sam with his flame throwers. I mean please. Astrid has a cool and intimidating exterior that actually hides a well of deep emotions that she can pull from and use to manipulate people into doing things they never thought they were capable of (we mostly see this work with Sam in this book during the fire, chapter 4, and the first time he controls his powers, chapter 28). Caine has an easy going and charming exterior that hides his lack of empathy, allowing him to use people for his own gain as he sees them as expendable. They are such PERFECTLY MATCHED OPPOSITES. But no. Michael wanted the leader to be Sam because?? Fire?? Ugh. Even when the question of who will take over if Sam poofs comes up in chapter 40, NOBODY EVEN MENTIONS HER. Astrid suggests that Edilio takes over and that’s that. (With that being said I do find it interesting that Astrid basically chose both the leader AND the backup leader but still. Let her live up to her full potential Michael.)

I think I’ve pretty much covered the first two bullet points in other sections but I’ll just quickly mention her part in Sam becoming the leader. It’s very clear from the fire onwards that Sam being in charge is Astrid’s main goal. Is this so that Sam can protect her?? Maybe. Idk. But it kind of frustrates me that she is broken down into Sam’s love interest towards the end, rather than coming into her own role. We are constantly shown that she is the main reason that Sam is becoming the leader, and this is even explicitly stated when Sam tells his mother/the gaiphage that he has “someone I have to stay here for” – chapter 46. I think the book should have ended with Astrid taking on her own role (as the leader obvs but I would have settled for something smaller or, you know, ANYTHING), instead of her just becoming Caine’s human shield. I do have more to say on this topic but I feel like it falls more into the relationship category so I’ll leave that for a later post.

And I’m not even going to talk about her powers past saying: what was the reason?? As far as I can gather Michael wanted a reason for Astrid being so insistent about Sam taking on the role of leader and so gave her a weird power and then decided hmm no. 

Thank you so much for reading and I would love to hear all of your thoughts on Astrid. I think I’m going to do Caine next but who knows.

[ladylee13]

All right, y'all, I've had enough with shitty society. I say we start a cult called "Actual Inclusivity."

Instead of the center of the cult's teachings being some manipulative bullshit, it's literally just love, acceptance, and respect.

We buy some land and start a communal living situation but instead of the money going up to whoever is on top and making them rich, all the money goes toward upkeep and improvement for the whole community. The finances are transparent and available for anyone to see and anyone shown to be corrupt or messing with the money gets kicked out.

We keep a farm to feed everyone. We have high speed wi-fi and some apartments (maybe with communal kitchens, maybe with private ones, idk logistics aren't my strong suit but I wouldn't be the only one running this, so we'd work out the kinks)

Everyone gets to do what they enjoy. Artists make art (and they could do commissions and freelance work and stuff like that to help raise money for the community in addition to art for art's sake), scientists can do their science thing, people who enjoy gardening can tend the farm. Tech people can do tech stuff (idk, I don't do much stem stuff, but we wouldn't be amish, so there'd be upkeep for tech stuff needed, so y'know). Whatever else. Autistic people can spend loads of time focused on their special interests. Non-verbals are not expected to talk. Depressed people or people with anxiety are not expected to work on days when getting out of bed is too difficult. Anyone having a panic attack or PTSD episode while working immediately gets to put down their work, walk away, and come back when they are again capable of giving their work their attention, be that in an hour or not until the next morning. Everyone uses whatever pronouns they prefer, and everyone else uses the appropriate pronouns when addressing or referring to them. If swearing makes someone uncomfortable, people will be expected to respect that and filter their language around them. Everyone gets to love whoever they want with zero societal repercussions. If two people want to get married, they get to. If two people want to live together without getting married, no prob (living together pre-marriage is against my religious beliefs, so I wouldn't do so, but that doesn't mean no one is allowed to. Live according to your own beliefs as long as they don't hurt anyone else. The goal here isn't to make everyone believe same thing or act the same way. It's to respect each other, and hopefully foster more understanding for others and lower discrimination and hate). In that vein, polygamy makes me feel weird, (admittedly, I don't really understand it,) but if some people in a polygamous marriage wanted to join us and were willing to follow the rules, great! Hop in! Let's even have a talk about it. You can help me be more understanding. No one is allowed to force their beliefs into anyone else and if someone feels pressured by someone else, all they have to do is say so and the other person will stop. I've had enlightening and wonderful conversations about religion with people of other religions/also atheists (once even with a drunk atheists and that was great). And all those conversations were great because in no way did they expect me to change my beliefs and vice versa. There was just a sharing of perspectives. And afterward, I felt like I understood them better and they understood me better. And that's what I'm aiming for here.

We can have a few sensory deprivation tanks and weighted blankets available for people with anxiety/PTSD. We can have tons of fidget toys for anyone who needs them to help them focus. We can have anything people need to function their best (I don't know much about what people with neurological disorders that I don't also have need, but whatever they need we'd have). Everything written is also written in braile. There's elevators and ramps in every building. Guide dogs and ESAs are accepted anywhere except in the space of people with animal allergies (Like, the communal areas are regularly cleaned to prevent hair causing allergic reactions and such and there are signs designating pet-free zones). We could maybe have like an animal shelter in a nearby town that anyone can come into to help with and spend time with animals. There would be a prayer room for quiet meditation (with whatever anyone needs for their best prayer environment, like I know Muslims pray toward Mecca and I don't know if there's any ornamentations or anything that they would prefer to have, but if so, it would be there). There'd be a gym to give people access to exercise equipment. There'd be a big old clock tower with bells to indicate prayer times for anyone who needs them. There would be a church building for use by any religious denomination. There'd be regular community activities to give people the chance to have leisurely social interaction and also sometimes exercise in small or large groups, but no one is expected to take part. Everyone with any form of neurodiversity or from any minority group gets to be treated fairly and have their needs accommodated.

No proving you have a disability like you have to to get accommodations from colleges. No one telling you it's all in your head or it's not natural or you should try harder or you just haven't met the right person yet or treating you as being under them for your gender or skin color or anything else you have no control over. Just actual acceptance on every front.

Basically, you'd pretty much be able to live your best life under the principle I learned as a kid: "your agency ends where the next person begins." As long as your actions do not harm anyone, you are free to do as you like.

The rules for living here? Everyone will be expected to contribute however they can (no punching a time clock, but contribute to the best of your ability). There will be no discrimination or hatred toward others. That's pretty much it. It's not that complicated. You will be expected to respect others and they will be expected to respect you. Any crime of any kind would be punished (and I mean things like theft, which I expect would be far less likely to happen given that everyone would have their basic needs fulfilled, and not like things like drug addiction because criminalizing addicts doesn't really prevent people getting addicted and just makes the problem worse.)

I figure the system would be run by committee. Any issues would be put to a vote, and given the size of the group, everyone would get a vote and everyone's vote counts. There would be no one person in charge of the community. Not me, not anyone. Everyone is equally in charge. Issues of things like accusations of discrimination would be handled by a court type situation where a mediator is chosen and both people get to explain what happened (in case of false accusations, which hopefully wouldn't happen, but y'know), and if the problem is based on a misunderstanding or an unchecked or unevaluated privilege, maybe the discussion alone could help the two people work it out, and if not, they get a big meeting with everyone there, and they get a chance to give their side to the group and the group votes on whether or not the accusation is solid and if the accused person will be punished (idk 100% how the punishment would work, but I figure depending on the severity it could be like a first offense would get community service and some kind of lesson in bridging cultural differences or something and a second offense would get something harsher and a third offense would be getting booted from the community. And then something like rape would get an immediate boot.).

Straight/white/cis/NT/any other non-minority people would also be accepted and welcomed so long as they treat everyone there with respect.

And anyone who says or does something homophobic or misogynistic or racist or ableist or anything else along those lines gets first a gentle warning and a chance to re-evaluate their prejudice and if they refuse to check themselves they get kicked out with whatever money they came in with.

I know that no matter what system is in use, there will always be someone ready and willing to find holes and take advantage. So we'd run on a spirit-of-the-law system instead of a letter-of-the-law system, and with everyone getting a say and everyone basing their decisions on that foundation of respect, it would be easier to enforce.

And sure, maybe this is just a fantasy-land-pipe-dream, but come on. How cool would it be? No more forcing our triangle or star or pentagon or splatter-shaped peg asses into circular holes? I don't believe in humanity at large to implement large-scale actual acceptance, but a little mini-society? That seems a little less impossible, right?

This is all spitballing, but the more I think about it, the more I love it. Feel free to add on.

[taiblogcomics]

All Out of Outlaws

Hey there, that live service you paid for but only used once. I hope you liked last week's anniversary review as much as I liked writing it. Now we're back to the usual stack. We're on a streak with Red Hood junk, so let's get back into it~

Here's the cover:

Since it's an anniversary issue of its own, the cover is way glossier and higher quality than usual. I don't object to homaging most of Jason's old teammates in the sky, but why the fuck is Crux there? Like, why would you remind us of Crux? Nobody liked Crux, nobody even remembers Crux. At least he's partially covered by the logo, but not nearly enough. Like, Isabel's worth way more of a cover appearance than Crux. Anyway, other than Crux, this cover's pretty good. Very movie poster-esque.

So this book takes place "one month ago". That somehow means it takes place after issue 48, AKA the unnecessary tie-in issue, and that other story arc that ended last issue. You got that? One month ago is after the tie-in story, but before the story that just ended. You can tell all this because Bizarro is still here instead of trapped in hell, and Jason Todd's narrating to himself about how Punchline tricked him regarding Duela Dent. Yeah, there's no moment showing how he realised this, even though that'd make good story in itself. No, he's just here because he's already pissed at the Duela deception.

After the flashback, we return to the present. This is after issue 49, just so you know where we stand. It's pretty clear Artemis and Jason have just slept together. That... seems odd to me. It's odd to them as well, so that's forgivable. Jason acknowledges that really he just needed some human contact. Because, like, Roy is dead, Bizarro is in hell, and Starfire is in space. Thankfully, he mentions Crux not at all. Jason thinking Crux is a friend worth missing would be more disbelief than I can willingly suspend. Anyways, they're interrupted by a welcome sight.

The loud yelling returns us to seeing Monsieur Mallah yell like a drill sergeant at the Outlaws of Tomorrow, or whatever those kids were called. You remember them: Devour, Doomed, Cloud 9, DNA, Babe in Arms and Mombie (which I swear I came up with before it was ever written in an issue), and Vessel. Anyways, they were my favourite part of the last dozen issues or whenever they first appeared. Jason points a gun at Mallah to try and get him to stop yelling at the kids, and Ma Gunn calls him out on it. Basically, she's hired Mallah and the Brain to train these kids, since Jason keeps skipping out on it. If he disapproves of her methods, then he should train them himself. He concedes the point, and opts to leave the kids in her care.

Jason leaves, heading up to Dr. Veritas' lab. This is where Duela's ended up after they rescued her from the flashback. She's alive, but part of her recovery has been reconstructive surgery. Her repaired face has basically left her non-verbal and mostly unresponsive. Jason has a plan, though. It's probably supposed to be his pocket, but I swear it looks like he's taking this out of the fly of his jeans. That's extremely worrying, almost as worrying as what actually happens: Jason hands her a rubber Joker mask, and she puts it on. With her "face" restored, she starts laughing--and doesn't stop. Jason wonders if this was a good idea after all. I'm gonna go ahead and venture "no"~

Following that, we advance three weeks, where Duela has been doing physical therapy in Suzie Su's private gym. She's been struggling, and is still mostly non-verbal, but at least communicates in laughs and animal noises. Jason decides the best way to get her to improve is to taunt her. Surprisingly, it works: when he dumps enough insults, she's able to stagger to her feet well enough to attack him. He says he knew she could do it with the right motivation, and she's pleased with herself. Pleased enough that when the time skips ahead again, she's perfectly verbal once more.

This scene takes place in a graveyard. Not just any, but the very grave that Jason once upon a time clawed his way out of. Naturally, she thinks that's cool. This is Jason's "don't make the same mistakes I did" lecture, but Duela doesn't want to hear it. She's too mad at Punchline and Joker for treating her like shit. Jason understands, but he says he'll be there for her when she decides to change her mind about being a crazy psychopath. They both return home to Ma Gunn's, but while Jason laments some thoughts to Artemis, Duela decides to escape. Just like the teen she is.

Partway off the grounds, she actually encounters Pup-Pup. Yeah, the talking Superman plush doll is still somehow hanging around. I might pick on this series a bit, and rightly so sometimes, but how many other comics do you know where a sapient talking plush toy of one of the world's greatest heroes is a recurring character? That's fantastic. That's exactly why I read comic books. Anyway, she stops to chat with Pup-Pup, because when life throws that much weirdness at you, you stop and interact. She relays an exaggerated version of her backstory to him, talking about how her father beat her while her mother laughed, and she killed them both in the end. Pup-Pup sees right through it, and the pair of them end up hanging out all night until Jason finds them both asleep in the yard the next morning.

So it's a bit later, and they're in New York. A bank's been broken into by... Agent Smith from The Matrix?? It's a group of guys in shades and suits who are all identical and refer to themselves as sharing a single collective mind. I don't care that they call themselves "The Chairmen", that sounds like Agent Smith to me. Fortunately, the Outlaws are here to beat them up. Joker's Daughter and her pal Pup-Pup have joined as the pre-requisite third member(s), but partway through the fight, the strain of the fight causes Duela to have some sort of mental break.

Very suddenly, it's no longer funny for Duela. She's not into the violence or death. She is just a teen, after all, and I guess it built up over time. The rest of the Agent Smiths are dealt with while Jason comforts Duela and removes the Joker mask from her. No doubt he's going to store it back in his trousers. And so, after the fight, Duela gets cleaned up, dresses like a normal person, and returns home to her parents. Artemis imparts the wisdom that it doesn't matter how you live, as long as you're living the way you want, it's the greatest act of defiance there is. Jason also allows Pup-Pup to stow away in her backpack, just to keep an eye on her.

After returning Duela to her home, Jason and Artemis ride on for a while. Then, abruptly, Artemis pulls over. It's as far as she's going, at least with Jason. But they both agree: he doesn't need her around anymore. He's a capable guy who can stand on his own two feet. And so Artemis also departs, she taking one road, and Jason driving down the other. And that road Jason's on? Why, it's the road home. The road back to Gotham. Jason muses that he was an okay sidekick, a crap supervillain, and a great outlaw. But what he was most of all... was a good friend.

I’m gonna say to start out with that I think this is a good issue. Heck, I think this is a great issue. It’s very character-driven, which is kind of what I always want in these things. Would much rather read something that develops the characters than just another fight scene.

I guess the issue, then, is A) does the character development make sense, and 2) do we care? And honestly... I don’t really care that Joker’s Daughter got a happy ending. Nor do I really feel it was earned. We’ve followed the character’s entire history on this blog, after all. Honestly, it probably would have made a lot more sense if she’d stayed on as part of Generation Outlaw. I just don’t think there was any build-up to her sudden realisation that “oh crap, everything I do sucks”, and thus her sudden retirement/redemption doesn’t feel earned.

But hey, at least Crux wasn’t in it~

Next issue, Jason finally goes solo!

[class1akids]

U might be getting this a lot idk but what is your opinion on mitsuki and bakugo's family life (like if he's been through domestic abuse and such)

Hmm, it’s one of those really tricky questions, because (1) we have seen Mitsuki only in one situation (which was very high-stress), (2) the definition of child abuse is very culture-dependent - in some places any physical or verbal attack would be immediately considered abuse, in many others, “physical punishment”, like light smacking is separate from child abuse, where some kind of injury is the threshold, (3) it’s not sure how much of the scene was supposed to be Hori’s slapstick comedy, like much of the scenes of physical retribution against Mineta, or when Bakugou stabs Deku in the head with his collar. 

So different readings can be made of the same scene. I can give you mine as for now (caveat: in my wider family there were many people with anger issues and aggressive communication, so my personal threshold for these things is quite high):

I can whole-heartedly agree with All Might, that the Bakugou family-home is at least highly dysfunctional, and Mitsuki’s parental style was definitely a big contributor to Katsuki’s own issues with not being able to read and process his own emotions appropriately - everything being translated into anger.

The first picture we see is Mitsuki lightly whacking Katsuki - it’s not meant to hurt, more a pre-emptive strike to keep him in check. I think she means it in a funny way, but clearly she’s inconsiderate of Katsuki’s feelings who probably feels humiliated. (Also, she’s not the only person using whacks - it’s used in a various parts of the manga to get people out of their own headspace - e.g. Mirio does it to Deku, so does All Might).  

Katsuki reacts with (understandable) anger - and to me the dynamic is not so much one of oppression and fear, but an ingrained dysfunction of communication, where Bakugou to cover up his embarrassment in front of the two teachers who at this point are the most respected adults in his life calls his mother rude names and physically threatens her, though I’m fairly certain it’s an empty threat and he wouldn’t actually raise a finger to her. While Mitsuki to cover up how rattled she is, is attacking Katsuki and blaming him for his own kidnapping (this is btw the scanlation, not the official VIZ-translation, which always uses much stronger language). This kind of victim-blaming and gaslighting is very harmful for the self-esteem of children, and obviously even worse in the state Katsuki is post-Kamino. 

Masaru’s intervention is very weak and ineffectual, his peacemaking efforts are rejected by Katsuki. But it is more about the appearances than the root-cause of the problem. In any case, it reinforces that the entire Bakugou family is aware that their behaviour is very much inappropriate, but they just can’t help themselves, because this style of communication is just so deeply ingrained.    

Now with this exchange out of the way, let’s focus on the second part that is much less referenced. 

Mitsuki first tries to brush off Aizawa’s question with a joke, but then she lets a rare moment of sincerity. 

And it turns out that she sees Katsuki’s problems quite clearly - that the too much empty praise all focused on his power (she seems to be a part of this) affected his personality and behaviour. (If I had to guess, but this is pure speculation on my part, Katsuki’s parents were early on also very much focused on his exceptional quirk, being proud of his talent and potential, and it took them a while to realize how it started to push Katsuki in a bad direction. And by the time they caught on that there was a problem, it was very difficult to reel in Katsuki’s willful personality, which could have lead to the spiralling of aggressive language and smackdowns in the family. They simply didn’t know what to do with him.)

And to their credit, Mitsuki and Masaru do realize that UA is a better influence for Katsuki than they themselves are, and she is clearly touched by Aizawa’s public support for Katsuki, so I think despite all the dysfunction, the aggressive and belittling language, they do truly love Katsuki and want to do what’s best for him. Also, Mitsuki understands that there is another layer to Katsuki underneath the insolent, self-centered brat, but she is unable to connect with that person, because honest, positive communication is basically non-existent in the family. 

And when she’s not trying to cover up her emotions, she’s actually able to express that she was worried about her son in a quite affectionate way (Katsuki’s face tells me in that panel that it’s the first time he hears that), and also has an acute assessment of the situation the school is in. Finally, the fact that she is asking them not to go easy on Katsuki, kind of shows that she knows that he badly needs a different type of influence than what he got at home and in his lower grades in school. 

The Bakugou household situation gets referenced two more times. Once during the remedial arc, where Bakugou advocates for a violent smackdown of the brats, saying that’s how he was raised. I think considering that they are dealing with a bunch of kids with their teachers watching, Bakugou is not advocating for serious violence, but more like a “show them who is top dog”. But he backs down at Todoroki’s request, because he knows violence in his experience is a whole different level, but perhaps also admitting that whether it’s low-level smacks or the Todoroki-household level of violence, it doesn’t lead to winning anyone’s heart and if anything will rile up the kids more. 

The other example is when Bakugou reacts to the shitstorm that goes down at the Todoroki dinner, which basically implies that he finds it less shocking that there are problems in itself and more just a question of politeness of keeping it under wraps (which was Masaru’s attitude during the teacher-visit).

TL;DR:

So in conclusion, I do believe that Bakugou’s household is very dysfuntional, especially how they seem to have elevated verbal and light physical aggression to everyday communication, which probably heavily contributed to Bakugou’s anger issues, low self-esteem, emotional constipation and his lack of communication skills. He was probably not an easy child to start with (precocious, confident, self-centered, extremely talented, wildly competitive children are hard to parent well), and clearly Mitsuki and Masaru were not up for the task. 

But I also think that they genuinely love him and want what’s best for him. 

[jjba-hell]

Rock Bottom

Day 2 and the Prompt we going for was- Insecurity. And lemme just say I went ham on this one. Sorry for anyone who read my unedited version a few hours ago, my tumblr cue time is weird af... 

This is a bit of a mash up between backstory and insecurity but definitely ANGSTY AF! Really now, good luck.

There are ALLOT of trigger warnings so much, I dare say it’s rated. Drug use, pregnancy, postnatal complications (and death), ABUSE (emotional, physical, verbal, familial), prostitution (mention)...I probably missed allot but this one is intense. 

Gonna tag @a-nonnie-mousse (’cause you a sweetie) and @lasquadraweek2020 for this one and also @risottoneroo​ (though if Mel’s not your cup of tea, I’m so sorry but we mutuals now so sowwy UwU) 

2,4 K words- good luck ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

Looking at the mirror one morning Melone couldn’t help but breath a heavy sigh. March 22nd held a painful memory to him- which was why he was due at the graveyard at 9 for a personal meeting. Risotto had been kind enough to allow it but not without warning.

“Don’t get caught.” Was all he said.

“Yeah, like I’d allow another fuck up.” He scoffed as he tied his hair back to get ready. As if he hadn’t heard enough of that in his life. Gazing back at himself mirror- tired and defeated he recalled a younger version of himself doing and thinking the same thing a few years ago- looking back at the mirror and feeling the same way he did at that moment. It had happened after another fight with his mother.

“Stefan.” His mother hissed as she angrily loomed over his shoulder. “What’s this?” She tossed the physics pop quiz on the table in front of him- feeling panic set in his spine, wanting to jump out of his chair and hurdle his way out of her grasp. He had thrown that piece of paper away- he could have sworn he did. Right now, of course, he was wishing he had burned it instead.

“Nothing, mama.”

“Nothing is it? Because it looks like a C- to me.”

He swallowed, hoping she was a too tired to fight him today. “Most of the class-“

“I don’t-“she grabbed hold of the hair on top of his head and shoved his head down onto the table. “-CARE ABOUT HOW MOST OF THE CLASS DID! That is going on your report card!”

He kept his head down, nose bleeding into the algebra homework he was working on below him. Picking up his head now would only make her hurt him more. “Mama, it was a mock test.”

“So, this is how little you know. Did you cheat your way through your grades your whole life?”

He didn’t say anything, knowing there was no point in arguing with her when she was like this. 

Melone grew up in a household most people would find bizarre but he never labelled it abuse. Not until his university sweetheart held his hand and asked him. “Why do you apologize for everything you do?”

It wasn’t hard to figure out once he sat down and considered it instead of shoving the question aside in favour of a taking a bit of ecstasy and a willing side piece- a bad habit he had picked up after he left the hellish hole he called home.

“You’re just as stupid as your father.”

“You’re just as spineless as your mother.”

Two phrases interchanged by two people who didn’t love each other in the slightest and him in the middle of it all- wondering why nothing he did was ever enough.

Melone shook off the memory as he splashed his face with the warm water from the tap, only to end up being caught up in his own reflection again, by the gaze of his heterochromatic eyes- the mask he wore on the lay job forgotten on his bedside table. He had had many of his one night stands tell him he was gorgeous with the one blue and one green eye but he had spent enough of his childhood being told by his father what a freak it made him. 

He gazed back at his own bed, surprisingly devoid of the previous night’s endeavour. So, he pulled the sheets off and remade the bed, thinking on how badly he wished he wasn’t sober- numbing away the grief he was feeling with a little white pill and the pleasure of being praised between the sheets. 

The weather forecast called for a cold chill and some scattered showers, how fitting for the proper black coat and suit he left the apartment in. He got into the car with Ghiacchio without another word beside a simple greeting, not wanting to anger the blue-haired man beside him- he didn’t quiet feel up to the banter, or perhaps arguments was a better word, he shared with Ghiacchio.

The scenery melded from cityscape to countryside- reminding him of the first time he went to this graveyard. At the time, tragedy has struck his life like lightning and was burning down everything he had dared to hope for- the person waiting for him at the church connected to the graveyard was all hope he had left to save Bianca.

The life of the mafia was never really one he was completely ignorant of- the contraband he used to take like sugar pills was just one of the ways he already had his foot in the door- although at the time he simply deemed himself as paying for a product from a lackey. When he cleaned up his act for Bianca he thought he’d never have to delve that dark again. The straight and narrow path didn’t last long though and soon he came to realize that he had been surrounded by crime his whole life, only waiting to be inevitably swallowed by it. 

Ghiacchio pulled up a few blocks short of the graveyard gates and Melone handed him a wad of cash as payment. “That’s generous.” Ghiacchio commented but Melone didn’t answer. He simply got up and thanked him again. He would walk the rest of the way- which wasn’t far.

Melone bought a handful of Marigolds from the flower vendor on his way and continued to move through the gates- meandering through as he racked his brain as to where they were buried. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t care, it just hurt too much to think about often enough to remember. When he eventually found the white marble mausoleum he stepped in and found the two plaques on the wall where he inserted the flowers into their designated holdings. Bianca Regio and Vita Regio. 

Six years ago, shortly after he graduated his first-year medical school, he had gotten some news from his girlfriend Bianca- she was pregnant with his baby. He supposed normal students would have seen their whole lives doomed but the joy he felt overwhelmed his worry surrounding finances to take care of the child. It was most definitely not his plan, but he didn’t care. He felt so hopeful for the kid’s sake- a prospect he looked back at and cringed at his own desperation to give something he never had. He and his girlfriend loved each other. Even thinking on that phrase made his heart ache. She loved him. He loved her. They were going to start a loving family together. He could give them what he never had. It only occurred to him later on how contradicting that was but at the time, ignorance was bliss.

It didn’t last long of course- six months after Bianca told him she went into premature labour and then shortly after got a blood clot in her portal vein. Vita was born 3 months too early and was already in intensive care within hours of her birth and Bianca was getting weaker by the minute. The panic and desperation set into Melone the second she was moved into the ICU with no prospect of getting better.  Despite severing ties with his parents Melone knew where his bread was buttered. A broke medical student couldn’t wish to pay the medical bills Bianca was tallying up in the hospital.  He didn’t even think twice to call his father and admit his defeat. 

What his father told him would have shocked anyone else in this world- to hear your father say. “The capo that runs this town is at the church in Venicio- confession ends in an hour.” It suddenly made sense how his father could always afford the expensive cars or the expensive furniture in their home despite being a lowly state attorney while his mother worked as his assistant.

Melone took a cab as close as close to the church as he dared- true to his father warning-and ran to the find the man who could help him.

“Signore, I beg you. My love and our child are in danger.” He had begged as he dropped to his knees in front of the man. “I sell myself to you, my future, my life. It’s all yours if you would just lend me for the medical bills now.” 

The capo ran a hand over Melone’s tear-streaked face, pinching his chin between his thumb and forefinger. Melone was made to gaze up at him. The stern, unreadable expression made him tense up in fear of accidentally disrespecting him. But the capo turned Melone’s head as if to observe him. “I’ll consider it.” He grumbled as he reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a thick wad of cash which Melone took in disbelief. “I expect you at Libechio’s tomorrow afternoon, sharp.”

And with that, he moved past Melone.

He didn’t regret it, he never would. It only hurt that at face value it was in vain. The money spoke louder than his begging ever would and as it turned out- whatever treatment they gave Bianca allowed her to be moved back into a regular hospital room. He spoke to Bianca the very morning he was due at Libeccio’s- feeling hopeful that she’d recover. Even the capo took pity on him, saying he’d have handed him to a pimp that day if it weren’t for the news of Bianca’s position. At the time, Melone had no idea what the capo had meant- not truly. He thought the capo had learned more about him- about Biacna’s pre-term labour and her sudden illness but he understands now that they are usually not that giving.

Instead, Melone got an alternative deal. Melone would finish his medical studies full term on the capo’s good graces to fulfill the need for a medic in the mafia before he would be officially initiated.  since he lost Lucy and their unborn child in the same night.

The expensive treatment Melone had paid for gave Melome a solid two days before he had to give a painful, final goodbye to both Bianca and his daughter. The baby’s heartbeat was lost two hours prior to Bianca’s death. He had begged, pleaded for her to hold on just a bit longer but with tear-rimmed he said his final goodbye, grasping onto her like she was his lifeline. He didn’t let go of her until they escorted him out of the room- by then her hand had lost all its warmth.

Outside of the hospital he came face to face with Bianca’s family- having to explain to her parents what had happened to her. Standing in front of them was probably the heaviest thing he had been forced to do. Suddenly all the insecurities his parents ever made him believe were proved right. He wasn’t enough to take care of Bianca. He wasn’t enough to take care of Vita. He wasn’t enough to take care of himself. He wasn’t smart enough to have come up with a plan without his father’s help. He wasn’t smart enough to understand that he’d never be able to live the life he so desperately craved. 

After that he had to go home and clear away all her books and research she had left on his desk, the plans he had for the nursery, the applications for a home loan and eventually even the ring he wanted to propose to her with was pawned- anything to try and rid himself of any reminder of his failure. To forget the pain of losing all he had hoped for in one night.

“Stefan.” A voice called beside him.

“Mrs Regio.” He turned to Bianca’s mother who held a bundle of flowers in her hand. “You look well.”

“As do you, Mrs Regio.” He didn’t say anything else, simply handing over the envelope of cash he owed her family. 

Bianca and Melone turned out to have more in common than they truly knew. Bianca ran away from home when she found out her parents were involved in organized crime and Melone ran away only to find out his family did the same. Because the money Melone borrowed from the capo went towards Bianca’s treatment- it was her parents who let her slip away from their care and they therefor had to take on the debt Melone had made. He refused to let Bianca’s parents think lowly of him so that brought him here, paying off a year’s worth of debt every year he met with Mrs Regio. 

He turned to look at Bianca’s plaque one more, praying that she could forgive him for failing her and continuing to fail her as he continued to live as he did. His sobriety was thrown out the window the day he came home from her funeral. He kept up his promise of finishing his degree on whatever he felt like using until he had to be initiated- then he had to sober up just enough to do his job in the mafia. 

BabyFace came to be and so did his most lecherous self- which made eventually stop seeing victims and mothers as people but as faceless bodies. But when he woke up after a high of a kill all he could ask was: 

Was that all he was worth? Was that what his soul was made of? An intense hunger for still wanting to find the perfect mother, be a perfect father and create the perfect baby? Now thriving on make others understand how it feels to be deconstructed until they’re nothing- just as he had for so many years? Was this trauma always going to taunt him? Was he always going to be reminded of his insecurity within himself?

At first the stand seemed useless until he tried using his stand on a mission to take out a bastard who was behind on rent money. It was then that he realized it was better for murder than it was at helping him achieve the dream that haunted him.

“It wasn’t your fault, Stefan. You did more than we could.” 

“Not enough.”

The two stepped out of the mausoleum, closing the door behind them. “You’re a good man, Stefan.” Was the last thing Bianca’s mother told him before turning and walking away. 

Melone shook his head as he started walking back to the entrance of the graveyard.

“I never was, Mrs Regio.”

The second he got back into the car with Ghiacchio, he popped a pill and asked to wait a few minutes so he could take a smoke break and call an old friend of his…

“Yeah I don’t care who, just make sure she’s not new.”

[border-spam]

AU Troy Character Timeline

Right, so I saw an incredible breakdown of Troy’s mental journey/state of ego last night ( that I’ll see if I can get permission to post at some point ) that really kicked my confidence into overdrive for writing out a definitive timeline for the version of him I write about in drabbles/fics etc as it was so amazingly similar. This isn’t complete, it couldn’t be because man I have a lot of stuff for this guy, but I hope it’s interesting for people maybe looking for a somewhat logical bunch of HC content that works well with the info we were given ingame. 

Writing this was like doing a jigsaw puzzle. Except ten pieces are missing, and you have 2 dominos and a Mrs Cupcake card instead. If you like any of this, feel free to use it. I’ll eventually expand on it in my own works.

Pre Pandora Era - 28  years pre BL3

Severe self esteem / image issues from very early childhood. Leda’s death left Typhon both terrified of Tyreen and desperately paranoid about her safety, leaving Troy to feel far less valued and loved as he found himself constantly failing to compete for attention from his remaining parent. 

Typhon never outright called Troy a freak, but he overheard plenty of discussions with his mother and with Tyreen explaining why he was so sick all the time, why he looked the way he did, why he was broken. He never discussed these, they festered in the back of his mind for the rest of his life. 

Strived from an early age to be useful, being useful gave him the belief he was valued, and a “Great job kid!” from his father felt good enough that it could almost replace feeling loved.

Misses his mother intensely from the day she died, for the rest of his life. Had no one else to have platonic intimacy with bar his sister, which never felt as freely given as with his mother. 

Developed an extremely crippled sense of social behavior and rules. The only people the Twins could interact with till they landed on Pandora ( which I HC was between 18 -19 ) were each other, and their Father. 

Left alone on a giant empty planet with no one to tell them no, or instill an understanding of social rules to them regarding others, left them with only a feeling of personal value for each other. This is an extremely dangerous state of mind for any person who will need to function in a social structure, especially a person in power. 

Had it hammered into them over and over by their father that the galaxy outside their home was filled with murderers. Animals. Bandit filth. Not like them, not like their parents, horrible, vicious things that would kill them the second they could. 

Internalised that to the point where it was a crucial part of their development of self as children. The twins would genuinely struggle to comprehend any other human they met was a person, because they were told their whole developing lives that no one they would meet bar their father would be.

 Pre COV - 8 years pre BL3

Lands on Pandora with Tyreen. Woefully underprepared and worried sick, didn’t want to leave Nekro but had no other choice but to go with his sister or die. Misses his father immediately, but avoids talking about it, knowing it will cause an argument.

Disliked that their father had kept them on Nekro intensely, but not enough to hate him the way Tyreen did. This never changed and the regret for leaving him only rotted inside him over the years. 

Very excited to finally meet new people, but his social skills are learned through watching old echos and while he can mimic them, he doesn’t understand social intricacies as well as he’d hoped. This sabotages their first few attempts to communicate with Pandoran non bandit natives. 

Comes across as weird. Stutters, not good with eye contact, awkward in body language and very unnatural in appearance. Extremely tall (6″7), very thin and sickly looking with sallow skin and dark under eyes. His missing arm and quarter of his shoulder draw far more attention than he had ever expected and he becomes instantly self conscious of the damage to his right side, strongly disliking how it’s pointed out every time they try and interact with one of these idiots.  

The twins only had the clothes they had travelled in and at this point they are pretty much rags patched together over nearly 2 decades. Didn’t understand how much appearances were going to matter, Troy had been sure he’d be able to “Mingle with the locals no problem.”, and now feels like he’s letting his sister down by failing to perform the way he’d been so sure of. They move onto the bandit clans once they get laughed out of the first small town they try to impress.

Their first few interactions with bandits have very bad results. They both get mocked a lot, Troy gets insulted even more. This is the first time in his life he’s met other men bar his father and the harsh reality that he is not like other men is really starting to hit hard. He’s monstrously tall, he has no muscle, he’s bony and sick and the bandits make very clear to him that he’s a freak.

Unable to defend himself verbally to people that don’t seem to speak a coherent language, he feels impotent and emasculated. Troy’s gift with words has always been his strong point, something he was proud of, and the bandits barely even understand what he’s saying. Any interest he’d had towards them as other people gets quashed. They clearly aren’t the same as he and Ty, they are beneath them. Savages. They aren’t people after all. His dad was right.

This is the point where he fully switches to seeing almost all others as non-persons. They aren’t people, they aren’t what he and Tyreen are, or they wouldn’t act like this in response to the twins. Any possible empathy he could have developed over time is aborted at this point, and he begins to craft the God King persona he understands he will need to disguise his shortcomings under if he’s going to be in the public’s eye.

Begins to create it piece by piece. Designs their outfits, designs his tattoos and mods, his monstrous arm, their name. 

The Calypso twins are born, and the COV with them.

Early COV Era - 7 years pre BL3

As he learns how to communicate with bandits and craft a persona for Tyreen that they will be drawn to, the COV starts to form. While the huge majority of their followers are people they see as not even being the same species as them, they do also begin to fill the higher ranks with people they are meeting over time that they see as having value. 

People with skills in categories they don’t, engineers, media experts, accountants, are drawn to the COV for the same reasons as the bandits. Opportunity, just a different sort.

Joining in the early days means having the twin’s ears, and those who have excellent ideas, or bring talent to the upper echelon that the twin's don’t have themselves, eventually end up as high priests and Saints. Department leaders (eg: Mouthpiece ). These are the kind of people he sees as people, though still not on par with himself or his sister in value. These are the few he would be capable of having functional conversations with, building simple relationships. 

He has found value in his ability to be very useful within the COV. Leading the Media and Propaganda department has given him a huge amount of power, even if he still physically feels extremely frail. 

He’s settled into living in Tyreen’s shadow, she’s the star, but he’s the puppeteer, and he’s happy for it to be that way for the most part. While she can sometimes step out of line or treat him like he’s not equal, he’s quick to remind her of her place during these outbursts, and their relationship is relatively stable.

Troy is fiercely loyal and surprisingly gentle with people he has a bond with. Despite his desperation to have meaningful connections, to be cared for and liked as himself, they don’t stay around him long.

No matter how hard he tries to give them what he thinks they want, they eventually leave, and he doesn’t understand that they are distancing themself because of how he treats other people, not them.

Troy’s complete inability to view the vast majority of people as people means he has a total lack of empathy towards almost everyone else, and this is a terrifying thing to experience first hand. He doesn’t understand this is why his “friends” leave, why they stop being friendly with him, or request to be transferred to another district.  

“Why did you do that to them..?” - “Huh? Ohhhh, relax haha, it’s just a bandit.” - “What do you mean, just a bandit, they felt that Troy, what’s wrong with you?’ - "The hell? No, it’s a b.a.n.d.i.t. It’s not like us, it’s not like you, it’s just.. you know, a bandit! Doesn’t matter what I do to em.” -shrug- - “-horrified silence-”

He blames himself each time this happens and damages his already fractured self esteem further. He can’t comprehend that his actions are the problem, because he simply has no way to understand his actions are bad. 

Each time someone close to him leaves, it’s another hit to his already crumbling self worth. He has absolutely no strong bonds with anyone bar his sister, who at times seems to barely like him, and he is genuinely desperate for validation and care from someone who likes Troy, not Calypso, not the God he pretends to be.

Every time another one of his “friends” vanishes, another of his little connections to his own humanity breaks. He gets angrier, and sadder, the God King a little more snarling and quicker to snap. It’s a sore point Tyreen tends to dig in during arguments too.

She doesn’t need anyone else, but she’s seen the near manic excitement and happiness he has when he connects with another person over a shared interest or they show actual genuine kindness towards him and not his title. If that person then becomes upset with his lack of empathy, or scared of it and abandons him, it’s another open wound on the already dying soul inside him that’s barely still breathing.

He has a complete and defined understanding of right and wrong, but those rules only apply to people, and his social development from infant to adult left his comprehension of other people so stunted, he cannot fathom that the vast majority of others are people. 

God King Calypso is a fucking nightmare to anyone bar the select view he sees as “people like him”. A feral, cackling monster, as likely to airdrop a million dollars onto a tiny village and record the reaction, as he is to rip a bandits arms off during a raid and live steam them bleeding out. All the same to him. Just background NPCs in his game. Placeholder actors in his life. They don’t matter. All that does matter is how they make him feel, or how they further his sister’s goals.

Every year that passes by leaves the God King more polished and defined, more in control a persona, while inside its impenetrable shell Troy DeLeon is slowly being suffocated by the weight of his own sins, without having the ability to understand he had been sinning at all.

God King Era - 4 years pre Bl3

By this point, Troy’s isolation is now deadly. He is a deity, worshipped by billions, with absolutely no points of human contact in his life to anchor himself to reality. No one to help him understand how to apply his sense of right and wrong to his followers, only his sister, who is even more toxic and vicious than he is.

Every day since starting the COV, he’s distanced himself further from the worshippers, the bandits, the acolytes. They are screaming war meat now, they are chips to barter with, numbers on a viewer count, flesh to tear into when he wants to feel something.

His relationship with Tyreen is crumbling. She’s quicker now to imply he’s not as important, he’s not the Siren. She’s called him a parasite in front of a merger board, a burden during a discussion with department heads. Each new crack at his inner ego only strengthens the persona further. Makes it more attention seeking, more willing to lash out at others, more vicious.

His “friends"are long gone, either fled from the behemoth the COV now is, or far away in other districts, planets, cities. The people he is close with now in working relationships are held at arms length. He doesn’t let anyone near him anymore, he’s afraid they will leave too if he does. 

The isolation pushes him further into the God King persona every day. If he’s Troy Calypso, he doesn’t NEED anyone else. The further he sinks into it, the more aggressive, the more twisted his actions become, but he doesn't see it that way. This is what his followers want, so it must be fine. Why wouldn’t it be fine to ravenously tear into heretics on livestream if 8 billion people are tuning in to watch?

He’s becoming cruel, he’s becoming vicious, but the man he was before he reached Pandora is still whispering that Tyreen is treating him wrong. That this isn’t how it was meant to be, that he’s not weak or a burden.

But listening to that voice means also having to listen to the one telling him he’s warped into something disgusting that his mother would be so let down by, that his father was right about him being a broken monstrosity. He continues to ignore it, and he loses himself further every day.

The deeper he recedes into the God King, the more he starts having nightmares, the more those whispers in the back of his mind get louder. He does what he can to ignore them, but sometimes something will set him off.

An argument with Tyreen, a momentary feeling of regret for leaving his home, a pang of loneliness. He often can’t sleep, and he knows if he starts to wonder why, clarity for the horrors he’s done could crush him.

Drugs, sex, bloodlust, he tries anything to take his mind off the intrusive thoughts that grow day by day. That he’s a failure. He’s a freak. He’s a cold blooded murder, but every now and then he’ll wake up in a cold sweat and hate himself so much that he wishes he’d never been born. 

The feeling passes very quickly as the God King shifts back into place and swallows it down, but while it’s there it’s horrific. He see’s himself from other people’s eyes for just a moment and god what has he turned into. What has he done. He’s a fucking monster.

The man he had been is so damaged under the mantle of this vicious God he’s wearing as a skin that it’s barely alive anymore, and it’s what begs him to kill it in those fleeting moments where he sees past his own facade, where he just for a second realises how many people he has hurt.

He tore his throat out a couple of years before the start of the game story in a moment of lucidity after being sleep deprived for days on end. Tyreen reached him in time when his implanted vitals tracker each twin keeps for the other alerted her to his condition, but it was close enough that he was bedridden for days after her energy transfer closed the wound.

She had been furious with him and made sure it was was kept hushed, the rest of the clergy believing he was on reprieve. Only the twins know the truth of what happened.

He never takes the collars off anymore now, the scars are still there. Convincing Tyreen that it had had happened during a nightmare when he’d left his prosthetic on by mistake was easy. Convincing himself to try and forget he’d been lucid and how it still feels like the right thing to do, is not. 

By the point the story begins, Troy is in a constant state of exhaustion, and knows deep down everything he has been through and done to others was for nothing. Tyreen doesn’t care about him the way he does her. She may never have, or she changed, he doesn’t know anymore. 

What he does know, is that he won't ever be a real God, and that the only reason he’s still alive is because he is useful. 

Maybe he should never have tried so hard to be useful.

 Phew.

I guess in a nutshell, my Troy’s greatest downfall is the God King persona.

As long as that shit is active, as long as it’s being worshipped, he’s never going to snap into reality. The reality that other people are there, that he’s been hurt so badly as a person, it’s all impossible long as he is being treated as, and believes, he is a God. 

The manic moments of clarity he has in the later stages of the COV rule are few and far between, but they eat him alive as he can’t understand why he suddenly feels so terrible, why he’s filled with such consuming remorse.

Peel the God King off the broken man underneath it and you leave him bare, confused, scared. You make him have to deal with reality, with people, with himself. That’s when you get him to show regret, and understand what he’s done, and understand what Ty has done to him.

That’s the redemption.

When he realises the game he was playing was real for billions, and suffers for it. It ends where it ends as my Troy ain’t dyin’ :P I’ll get to my rewrite eventually.  I hope to keep exploring these ideas in the future. Just desperately wish I’d as much to work with for Tyreen as I do Troy. GB YOU HEAR THAT? YOU HEAR THATTTT??

[ambitionsource]

Any Asher Lucas head canons I really love their friendship?

hello anon i am back as promised with the second half of answers to the lucasher asks i got a handful of weeks ago!! seeing as its the tail end of asher’s appreciation day, i am here to deliver on discussing their friendship

so to start, i would say that marking dylan as an outlier and not to be counted (especially on asher’s end), both of them would without a doubt call the other their best friend. asher flexes a bit on this, as jade is also arguably his bestie, but for lucas there’s absolutely no contest. asher is his best friend -- he even said so in 209, which took a lot of emotional vulnerability for him to manage to verbalize -- and that title really means something to him.

to that point, though, i think it took the events of s2 for that to really cement. as we know, lucas has issues with connecting with + trusting others, and so he kind of keeps people at arm’s length. i think asher has always been a bit of an exception to this rule (which i’ll explain in a bit), but lucas was mentally able to still keep him removed emotionally in his mind bc he was like... you know, his inferior in rank / his lieutenant rather than an equal. i don’t mean that he like thought of asher as inferior, because he doesn’t -- lucas hates himself so he thinks everyone is better than him anyway lmao, but he’s also had a lot of respect for asher -- but there was able to be this... mental barrier in his head, if that makes sense. but when asher finally stood up to him, multiple times (in 207 with their argument and then in 208 when he Truly put his foot down and basically walked out of his life), that put them on equal footing on all levels and broke that barrier in his brain. and, thusly, is part of the reason lucas was suddenly able to articulate it in the following ep

but, on that note, one thing that i think makes them such good friends is that they’re both very like... not mushy. at least, not with each other. they both don’t mind side-stepping more complicated emotions and just assuming things are unspoken but understood, but are getting better at knowing the moments where something should be said

but they’re like equally weird about the same stuff, like they both don’t like birthdays + being paid attention to on their bday bc they don’t know how to process it (sans the exception of dylan, who of course asher will allow to be extra on his birthday), so they will straight up just like not tell each other happy birthday on their bdays and people are like doesn’t that upset you?? did he forget?? and they’re like no actually lucas / asher is my favorite person bc he ignores my birthday fDSJLFKGSJKGLJSGL like... they’re so fucking weird

asher is constantly trying to improve lucas’s fashion sense + design sensibility and it does not work. like nothing sticks. asher will spend an hour casually (but actually very intently) telling lucas about the nuances in color between shades and then later when he asks him a question about which shade of red they should use in the set design lucas goes “idk they look the same to me just pick one” and asher is like. bitch ur jokin... it’s lowkey funny that he keeps trying tho like lmao

so in terms of asher being slightly different than others even early on, the way this most manifests is that i think for whatever reason, asher feels safe to lucas. its an inexplicable thing, and something i dont think lucas even really realizes consciously. but he starts their friendship being like oh i’m gonna protect asher the strong must protect the sweet this lame nerd needs me, but then what it actually ends up being is more that lucas needed asher. like yes he gets asher to loosen up and let out more of his authentic self, but asher gave lucas a friendship to anchor to, someone who seemed to genuinely like him not because he was reckless or cool but just because of who he is. and even when he fucked up, asher still seemed to believe he could be better / saw him as more than that, and lucas had never had anyone in his life before like that, let alone someone where it felt that way (i.e. dylan also sees lucas that way especially now, but something about asher just made it so pointedly clear)

and how this ends up changing things is that lucas finds that like... he wants to talk to asher. he wants to be real with him, not put up the defensive, aloof façade. so you have lucas going to convince him to sneak out freshman and sophomore year so they could hang out just the two of them (a thing featured briefly in the “younger” sequence in 208), and those were the moments where he got in those conversations. and asher liked those nights too because they made him feel special, like all the people lucas could choose to hang out with and he chose him to bother and coax out into the night... for a kid like asher, younger than everyone else and an anxious mess and nerdy and he knows it, that’s like. the craziest thing ever. so those one-on-one hangouts meant a lot to both of them, though for different reasons

what’s nice too is that their friendship definitely matured and grew with them the longer it lasted, because there was an element of hero worship on asher’s end and almost belittling underestimation on lucas’s end when their dynamic started, but then it grew organically past that. and when they actually got to know one another, for all their complexities, it made them better friends. and now those misconceptions are long gone, but they still hold a lot of respect for one another.

also to this point, i do not remember if i’ve said this yet on the blog or not but so major point here -- asher was actually lucas’s first (and only, pre-riley) crush. being demisexual, he has to form a deep emotional connection with someone before he really falls for them (riley being semi the exception to this because even though he didn’t really fall for her until they became friends from the get-go he was like okay so she pretty....... whatever tho idc like uh huh sure lucas). and like late in freshman year, maybe even early that summer, lucas and asher had become pretty good friends and were spending a lot of nights hanging out together and talking, and one of those nights they were talking about something semi-serious, and lucas was just looking at him and just realized like wow hm i could kiss asher... and then he was like WAIT HUH?!?!?!?!?!?! cause he’d NEVER had thoughts like that before and suddenly he was having them about his best friend, and that best friend was dating his other good friend and it just FREAKED him out he was like HELLO BAD WEIRD WRONG??? so he stifled that deep down and lowkey ignored asher for like two weeks until it passed -- which of course made asher worried he did something wrong or pissed him off, but thankfully that passed without much commentary or further discussion. lucas has mostly forgotten about it now.

that being said, if you ever told asher he was lucas’s first crush, he would never ever believe you.

they really enjoy discussing / debating each other, especially since lucas is truly equally as clever as asher, but it’s a really careful line because one wrong comment from either of them can send them tipping into actual argument bc they’re also very good at pushing each other’s buttons. this is why dylan’s presence is extremely helpful at keeping them balanced.

and this is kind of a key trait to their best friendship, which is that they make awesome best friends, but my god they would make TERRIBLE romantic partners. they cannot communicate when it really matters (especially about stuff that makes them embarrassed like romance, which they can barely do with their actual partners); they push each other’s buttons; they love each other’s flaws as friends but would drive each other crazy as lovers. like the people they’re with for love are exactly the people they need, understanding, soft, patient, and good at communicating. if lucas and asher dated, they would kill each other within the first week.

one of the first times dylan, asher, and lucas really hung out as a trio involved “wilding” asher, which meant dressing him like lucas and getting him to be more reckless and freewheeling for an afternoon. they didn’t do anything crazy, but lucas let asher borrow one of his t-shirts and snapbacks for the occasion. asher still has both buried in his closet, mainly because he keeps forgetting about it but also because there’s a sentimentality to them. not that he would ever ever wear them again -- yuck. asher would rather vomit

it should not be understated that the first people lucas verbally said i love you to were asher and dylan. it’s important. don’t ever forget it.

-- Maggie

[consultingfujoshi]

adhd anon here 1) your experience with adhd things that are dismissed in women so they go undiagnosed for a long time 2) rejection sensitive dysphoria!!! i just read about it and started to cry 3) what did you think about your mental health before you were diagnosed like what diagnosis you had for yourself unofficially i always had my eyes on anxiety but now i suspect something else i wonder what that is 4) hyper!!!!fixations!!!!! please and thank you

1) from what admittedly little I've read on it, ADHD tends to go undiagnosed in women (counting myself as a woman here because like even tho I'm nb I've been socialised and treated as female my entire life for obvious reasons) because it tends to manifest verbally rather than in physical behaviour. girls with ADHD tend to be excessively talkative which is often overlooked since ADHD is most commonly recognised through hyperactive body language and restlessness. A kid with ADHD manifesting in not being able to sit still is much more likely to get diagnosed than a kid whose ADHD manifests in them talking too much, which was the case with me. I haven't really looked into this side of it too much because my struggles relating to like. It taking so long to get me diagnosed wasn't because of my gender but because of the fact that I was a "gifted" kid. ADHD is seen as an intellectual disorder rather than what it actually is, which is a developmental disorder, so the general opinion is that ADHD = stupid, and someone like me, who is just overall very intelligent and always excelled in school when I was younger, couldn't possibly have ADHD. The fact that I was intelligent allowed me to fly under the radar until around GCSE's (16 years old for those who don't know) because school work didn't require much concentration. But when it got to exams and I actually had to put real effort in and do work past the six allotted hours a day and take the initiative to voluntarily learn and produce work, combined with the fact that I was able to breeze through 12 years of school without having to learn how to revise and study properly, the realisation that there was something wrong hit me hard and fast and I was forced to confront something that I simply hadn't had to think about earlier on. My lack of diagnosis wasn't necessarily caused by the fact that my ADHD manifested early on in my life in a way that was overlooked; it was mostly caused by not having to consider I may have a learning disability until I was expected to take my learning past a point that could be completed and set aside quickly and easily with minimal concentration involved.

2) (I'm gonna talk about the pre-diagnosis before RSD because it kinda feeds into that nicely) I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 12, and while I definitely think I was suffering from what the professionals call "low mood" at the time that was unaffected by my ADHD, I don't believe that those two things, at least now, exist separately from it. ADHD is often diagnosed as anxiety and/or depression, especially in teenagers and young adults, because the inability to concentrate and commit to anything is attributed to the lethargy and apathy of depression, and the rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is attributed to the paranoia and forced asocial behaviour of anxiety. It's understandable considering the stigma around ADHD being "a child's disorder" that a lot of people with ADHD are labelled with depression and anxiety, but it can be so harmful to those who are misdiagnosed, simply for the reason that anxiety and depression are "temporary" issues. You can get therapy to fix depression and anxiety. You can learn it out of you. It takes time, but it's possible. That's not the case with ADHD. You can't CBT the ADHD away. It's something you're stuck with for life, and mislabelling the symptoms of ADHD as disorders that you can fix gives you false hope that one day, if you try really really hard, all of this will go away and you'll just be "normal" again and everything will click into place. I was failing all of my subjects, but I convinced myself that this inability to work through it was just a barrier I could overcome if I worked at it, because it was caused by depression, so eventually I would feel better and it would go away and I'd be able to magically fix my grades. But ADHD doesn't work like that. You can't prevent it; you can only learn coping mechanisms. The realisation that my inability to perform to the standards expected of me because I could just Not Do What Was Being Asked Of Me, even simple things like a worksheet or a research task, was not something I could just power through, brought about the realisation that the path I'd set out for myself of getting qualifications, going to university, getting a degree, etc. was impossible because the kind of things that were expected of me were things ADHD would not allow me to do, which was and still is crushing, and I've basically been forced to have to rethink. My entire future. And that fucking sucks. And all it comes down to really is that I wish I'd been diagnosed sooner. (I'd like to talk about this more in depth at a later date but this post is already so long so I'm just gonna leave it here. Basically: if you've been diagnosed with depression or anxiety but you suspect you may have ADHD, please assess your symptoms and see which they fit into best. You may have been misdiagnosed. It'll save you a lot of time and stress.)

3) RSD!!!!! IT'S NOT FUN!!!! I don't wanna talk about this too much because it just makes me sad but yeah I had no idea this was a thing until one of my friends with ADHD pointed it out to me and it was like the mist cleared and for the first time I saw clearly what the fuck had been going on with my stupid brain for the last however many years. RSD fucking sucks man. I've lost friends over it. I've missed out on a lot of experiences because of it. If you have been diagnosed with anxiety but you suspect you have ADHD, I am BEGGING you to read up on RSD. It's a very specific type of anxiety exclusive to ADHD and it definitely called me out more than once.

4) (I cant do much more of this because my head is killing me but I'm trying my best ok) hyperfixations!!!!! they rule my life!!!!!! and every single one is bigger than the last!!! every single time I get a new hyperfixation I'm like "I'll never care about anything else as much as I care about this" and then six months later I CARE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE MORE. IT'S NEVERENDING. ADHD brains are wired to think about one thing All The Fucking Time, so everything makes me think of good omens. just like everything made me think of pacific rim this time last year. everything can be related to the hyperfixation. there are no exceptions. looking back on my childhood I definitely had a lot of hyperfixations that went unchecked, like the one with the hunger games when I was 11 where I would force my friends to play pretend games where we murdered each other in the fields behind our houses.....that and like. dinosaurs. basically every year or so I reshape my entire personality around a new obsession. I cannot just Enjoy things. I must Become them. and no one else gets it!!! NO ONE ELSE GETS IT. I get made fun of a lot by people around me for getting so excited and emotional all the time over seemingly tiny little things, which in turn plays into the RSD (ADHD is its own worst enemy for fucking real), which is why I enjoy being here so much. because like....everyone else is exactly the same. and I'm really thankful to have found people who feel things as strongly and care as much as I do. so....thanks for that everyone

if you want me to talk about anything else or go into more detail I would be very happy to but unfortunately it is 2am and I have a splitting headache and also I've typed nonstop for about an hour now and that's more than the stupid hyper dumbass idiot brain usually allows and now I'm exhausted lmao....but thank you for taking interest in this and I hope this. idk. helps in some way??? gn

[crassussativum]

Mass Effect Asks Masterlist- Cato

(Originally posted by thenerdcommander, credit where credit is due.)

1. What would their recruitment mission look like? ((Cato’s recruitment mission, if it even can be called such, would be after Menae. Primarch Fedorian has fallen. Cato finds Shepard on the Citadel after that mission and demands to come along with them. Shepard might be reluctant at first, but eventually allows it.)) 

2. Would they be a romance option?  If so, who would the option be available to and what would their romance look like?  Would there be any special scenes? ((Cato is a shy thing in the ways of romance and sex. And another species? That’s just too confusing for him).)

3. If there is one, what would their sex scene look like?  How would the scene change if Shepard or Ryder turned the sex down? ((On the off chance, we’d get to see a naked turian that’s probably never had sex before and certainly never with a human lol it’d be awkward but sweet with a quick fade to black.))

4. If left unromanced, do they hook up with another character?  If so, who is it?  Is it a canon character or another OC? ((Nah, probably not.))

5. Would they be available as a fling option?  What would that scene look like? ((Also probably not))

6. Is there any way Shepard or Ryder could get them to turn on them or betray them?  How?  Is there any way to get them to back down once the betrayal is triggered? ((Shepard would have to do something big and horrible for Cato to betray them. Like genocide big. And yes, not doing the right thing with the Shroud mission, but then how would Cato know that?))

7. What would their loyalty mission look like? (Cato’s loyalty mission would be simple. All he’d want is a day to pretend the galaxy might not actually be ending, a day to be normal. He’d want to go somewhere the Reapers haven’t touched yet and while that may be hard, he’d just need Shepard to pretend everything’s okay with him for just a little while.))

8. Is there any way to lose their loyalty after it’s earned?  How? ((No, I don’t think so.))

9. What would their relationship with Renegade Shepard look like?  Paragon Shepard?  If they’re from Andromeda, what’s their relationship with Ryder (pick any two alignments)?  ((I think Cato would greatly look up to a Paragon Shepard, the always doing what’s right would speak to him on a Spiritual level. Renegade Shepard would probably rub him the wrong way because sometimes doing what’s right in the moment in a way that’s not right is a grey concept he just doesn’t have the experience to grasp.))

10. What phrase(s) would they shout during combat? ((“Incoming!” “Outta the way!” for biotic attacks/charges. Otherwise I think he’d be verbally keeping count of enemy positions.))

11. Any squadmates they don’t particularly get along with? ((Honestly? I think it’s less that he wouldn’t get along with Jack but that she would scare the hell out of him. He’d find how powerful she is totally fascinating, and that her body is her own canvas would intrigue the artist in him. But she’s outwardly abrasive, crudely spoken, and volatile. Waaaay too intimidating for Cato. I think, were he to go along on her loyalty mission, he’d view her as something more of a kindred Spirit, but still be too skittish to make friends. ALSO since ME3. Javik. Javik would terrify him. He’s mean, he’s battle weary, he’s bleak and he finds no joy in the little things.))

12. Are there any instances where rivalries between them and another squadmate could potentially jeopardize their loyalty or views of Shepard or Ryder? ((Maybe? Like I can’t think of anything right now, but I’m sure there’s something. Cato mostly just follows along with the flow, but he’s moody so... it’s possible.))

13. Which squadmates are they likely to make friends with? ((Everyone but maybe Javik. Tali he’d adore. Garrus is a role model. Liara is asari and he loves their artwork and history so much. James I think he’d warm up to fast. Ashley/Kaiden are in the air but I don’t see why not.))

14. In which game would they be introduced to the franchise?  ME1?  ME2?  ME3?  Andromeda? ((In ME3))

15. Would they make multiple appearances throughout the games or are they limited to one installment?  If they reappear, do they remain as a squadmate or do they become an NPC? ((He’s just a squadmate in ME3 but maybe we saw him as an NPC in ME1 or ME2. He’d have been on the Citadel a lot then.))

16. Which skills are available to them?  If they’re from the OT, pick four active powers and one unique passive class power (ex: Turian Agent, Asari Commando, Turian Smuggler, etc).  If they’re from Andromeda, pick three active powers and two passive (one of which should be a unique class power). ((So... this is hard. Cato’s an Adept, so his top four biotic moves are: Warp, Shockwave, Throw, and a Biotic Charge just for fun. Idk what passive class powers are, sorry.))

17. Write a quick exchange of banter between them and one other squadmate of your choice.

Cato: “I could use my biotics?”

Mordin: “Yes. Turian biotics, burn bright, burn hot, strong in bursts. Sufficient.”

Cato: “Or you could reach up there and pull it down. ‘Cause you can reach.”

Mordin: “….Small for a turian youth. Still growing? No, stunted. Lack of nutrition? Genetic mutation? Hmm Could take samples….”

Cato: “No samples! Spirits, I’m still growing, everyone says so….”

18. What weapons would they use?  Pick 1 minimum, maximum of 2 firearms, 1 melee weapon, and/or 1 special or unique weapon. ((Cato’s got an M-3 Predator, a Phaeston, and an omniblade for close quarter emergencies.))

19. Name one thing that players would remember them most by (ex: Garrus’ calibrations, “Lola”, Mordin’s singing, etc).  (Folks would remember that Cato’s the baby! He’s so young and idealistic, kind and caring. Like… he’s great as a squad member bc biotics and small arms fire, but… but he’s still a kid that wants to do kid things. Like go somewhere and eat nothing but junk food, or hit the movies or whatever. He would always need to be supervised bc he has no impulse control either.)

20. If they’re from the OT, what ways could they be killed on Virmire, during the Suicide Mission, or the events of ME3 (pick one)?  If they’re from Andromeda, are there any ways they could die?  If so, how and how could Ryder prevent it if prevention is possible at all? ((So ME3 and I think he could maybe die during the final battle on Earth, but only if Shepard didn’t do his loyalty mission which reminded Cato “normal” was what they’re fighting for.)) 

21. Can they be Indoctrinated or Exalted?  If so, what would they be like?  What options would Shepard or Ryder have to handle the situation?  Would there have been options to prevent it? ((No, I don’t think so))

22. How would they react to other squadmates, Shepard, or Ryder being Indoctrinated or Exalted? ((Aghast confusion. Sadness, fear.))

23. When on the Tempest or Normandy, where do they like to stay?  Do they roam around?  What about on the Citadel or Nexus?  ((Cato likes to hang around Garrus or the galley on the Normandy. Turian biotics are always hungry and Garrus is another turian that he can look up to. On the Citadel, he either loiters near the embassy in hopes of visiting with his grandpa -pre 3- or he’s down at the docks praying to see someone he knows. ))

24. Do they have an opinion on the way Shepard drives the Mako?  Or how Ryder drives the Nomad? (At first, Shepard drives the Mako way too recklessly and fast…. but Cato is still a child in many ways and I think he’d gradually have fun with Shepard driving, if Shepard was willing to teach him how.))

25. Are they vocal about their opinions of the Council or Nexus Leadership?  If so, what is their opinion?  Do they make a passing comment to another squadmate or do they say it to Shepard or Ryder directly?  (I’d say Cato is vocal about his opinions. His grandpa’s the Primach, he kinda has room to be, lol. And I’m sure he’d willingly talk about it if asked. He hates how the Cabal/biotic turians are ostracized, he doesn’t really understand why. He hates how barefaced and outer colony turians are looked down on. He’s sure that the Turian Councilor has turian people’s needs in mind but how can you see the scope of the big picture if you’re not looking at all the pieces that make it whole too?)

26. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly disapprove of? ((If Cato was aware-somehow- that Shepard put the fake cure in at the Shroud mission, he’d really disapprove of that.)) 

27. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly approve of? ((Doing that mission for the new Primarch and SAVING Tarquin. Fight me on this. My biotic Shepard could’ve saved him, damnit.))

28. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the Citadel DLC or for Movie Night? ((Maybe to Shepard in regards to their clone and is that like having a sibling? Cato always wanted a sibling. He probably drinks too much at the later party and ends up passed out in a cozy, secluded spot.))

29. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the final battle against the Reapers or the Archon? ((The final battle against the Reapers, he wouldn’t be able to just sit on his hands, he’d be on the ground driving whatever vehicle transported the survivors to safe locations.))

30. How would they react to meeting Shepard’s clone?  Or Ryder’s twin? ((Much confusion. By that point, I like to think Cato would’ve intergated himself into Shepard’s day-to-day. And why doesn’t Shepard talk to him as warmly? Or joke with him the same? Clone? Oooohkay then.))

[inviisiiblelee]

ookay so absolutely no one asked for this post but i’ve been so unreliable lately with literally everything that i figure i can at least explain what’s been going on for the last six months or so. i know i’ve briefly touched on this to others in discord and some of this has been viewable through some of my other posts and all but, here’s a big block of text explaining why i fall in and out of tumblr, discord and everywhere else i exist online

TL;DR?:  I’m depressed, anxious, & or in a panic pretty much all the time, and disability has really effed me over.

I lived in an incredibly quietly abusive home for the last fifteen years of my life. I am just now turned twenty.

when i say this, i don’t mean it in any kind of roundabout way, and it’s really only been in the last year that i realized that this is what i was living. and i will come out and say that i don’t even think my parents realized this was how they were treating me, that this was the kind of household they were building for me. and honestly, it was a way worse experience for me than it was or will be for my younger siblings (i hope).

the fact of the matter is, my biological mother was a drug addicted alcoholic, since the birth of my sister who is only two years younger than me. my mother was not a very good role model mother in really any way, and i really honestly wish i had more to offer than this basic, umbrella-like summary. but it’s so bad that i have almost no memory of what my mother was like, personally. i don’t remember her voice, her face, or any of that. she died of an overdose when i was eleven. It’s been nine years and, really, I have more memories that are worth my time remembering after the fact. i grew to hate my mother with my entire being, and her death wasn’t something i dealt with right.

even now, i haven’t dealt with it well, but i have let go of the anger that really held me back.

since that moment of my life, it seemed like an event that became who i was. i was the kid who’s mom died, i was friendless and depressed, and i acted like everything was fine, and i honestly still do. eventually, of course, things moved on --- my dad found another woman to love, who became the mother i wished i always had. of course, there was a lot of internal conflict as this happened, something that while i was never aware of it, happened no matter what i really believed. evidently, at the end of the day, losing your biological mother is something that really changes you, especially when she went by way of suicide.

my father remarried in 20...14? maybe? i really don’t remember --- my years and months really started running together in my mind, and honestly my memory has never been something to brag about when it comes to my own life. life seemed to be okay but really, there was a lot of conflict between my family and i. my father is a military man, and was heavily heavily abused as a child, and almost killed by his own mom. but he was an abusive father by way of mental and emotional abuse, especially once i entered high school. i was constantly compared to my mother, which i hated because she took her own life, and she was the worst role model of my life. my father had a habit of callling me useless, or telling me i would never amount to anything. in his mind, he was doing me a favor --- trying to make me realize i needed to change. but all he did was instill a hopelessness inside of me that he would never understand or admit to giving me or being part of. 

my self esteem tanked by the time i was a sophomore in school, and my grades began to really see a dip. i was spending less time on my schooling, because i was exploring hobbies that my father didn’t approve of, which meant i was spending more time hiding the things that made me happy than i was studying. school was becoming something i didn’t like as much as i once did --- it was getting so hard to find joy in anything, and i realize now that was the major & chronic depression that i would later be diagnosed with. but all i heard from my parents at that time was that i was sick in the head --- that i would turn out dead like my own mother, a drug addict and homeless and useless. and eventually, a thought hit --- why bother?

when i was in the summer year between my sophomore and junior year of high school, the summer of 2016, i made a plan to take my own life, because i felt like such a burden.

i was not the most aware of what would work --- and i was very against going through something painful --- so i found an amalgamation of every prescription and non-prescription drug in the house. which was quite a lot. and i would siphone pills through the day, slowly, so it was less noticeable.

when my family found them, they refused to believe that i was depressed and suicidal, instead choosing to believe i was selling pills at school, peddling fake drugs (considering there were pre-natals among my stash, which, admittedly, wouldn’t have done much). instead of ever offering and following through with counseling, they asked me one time when i was fourteen and never actually put me into a place. they make the excuse now that it would not have been beneficial if i didn’t want it, but i recall several times speaking to them about getting into counseling and nothing ever coming of it.

the next two years would be a total rollercoaster. at seventeen, a predator was contacting me and trying to get photos, my location, even so much as meeting up with me. my parents put me through hell for talking to the guy --- and now i realize that whether or not i was an older female, i was still under eighteen and being taken advantage of. my principal and secretary of the school got involved, and i became more suicidal than ever. i lost friends due to the state of mind i had.

luckily, i graduated high school and turned eighteen, and this seemed to be the end of my forseeable problems. i had been working through high school, and though my family had forced me to resign from the last workplace due to workplace drama and claiming my coworkers were bad influences, I was searching for jobs and hopeful for getting into college.

i was not the perfect child at home (i rebelled against chores like any kid, and when i worked, i was even less reliable for doing chores because i was never home to cause the mess but somehow it was always my job to clean it up when i had a sister two years younger who was FULLY capable, but thats just another story tbh), but professional help has also made me see that i was not deserving of the kind of punishments my father put me through, including being lectured at about how much of a failure child i was for over three hours almost per night during the summer. i did not experiment with drugs as a high school student, i never attempted to run away or sneak out, i had a few thief instances that never recurred the way my younger sister’s instances were monthly. 

in july, barely a month and a half after graduating and turning eighteen, my parents kicked me out. i had nowhere to go, no money to help me, and no amount of help from them. and yet, i managed to move into a place a few weeks after the news.

it was a huge mistake.

i had found someone on craigslist (BAD IDEA PAST ME) renting out a room in their home. they lived an hour from the nearest bus stop (an hour walking) but close to the downtown area. rent was about half of what i made in a month. and very quickly, there were problems. once i had the place found, i had no other options --- the few other places that were that cheap were no longer available, and my deadline was coming up. the place itself was pretty atrocious --- dirty and gross, BUT i was told it was being fixed over the next month and i thought if i could help out, no problems.  there were cats (i was allergic, though it did eventually seem to fall out from me living there) and even a bird that was loud and annoying. the cons really outweighed any pros, but it had taken a long time to find the place, and i was not sure i would make my deadline before my parents dropped me off at a shelter. plus, i was supposed to be going to school in the next few months for college, with loans and all, and it should have been fine!

just kidding.

i moved in, met the three other roommates, and began the downward spiral. i was almost immediately out of money --- rent was far too much, and i couldn’t buy groceries afterwards. my phone bill lapsed a few times, and i never was able to finish paying off the deposit. my routine became something terrible. i only ate once a day, while at work with my free meal. and on saturday and sunday, which i didn’t work, i only ate a little bit, if one of my friends happened to give me food out of pity, or else i didn’t eat anything. i started stocking up on CLIF bars, because i could eat one and sleep the rest of the day with little issues.

i slept on the floor of the room, miserable, in a panic. the landlord (who also lived in the living room of the place but worked) was horrible. he essentially demanded that i take care of him while he was home, and expected me to just do it because he hadn’t kicked me out yet for not having the deposit paid.

eventually, i had enough. one of the other roommates, his name was Josh, was getting tired of the same treatment. and my final straw was when i found out the landlord searched through my room without asking and while i wasn’t there. so he and i got together, started looking for a place closer to town, and gave him a verbal/written notice of moving out. 

however, this fell through, too. josh lost the money he had for the apartment two weeks before we were supposed to move, and so i had to scramble to find a place. i got lucky --- a really good friend of mine talked to her mom and they took me in when he couldn’t recover the money. i left josh with some of my things until i had a permanent place.

he stole half of all of my belongings, about five hundred dollars worth of miscallaneous stuff.

josh disappeared off the face of the planet, after faking his own death to me via his ex. it got wild, and i almost (and should have) took it to the police to get my things. but because his whereabouts are really unknown to me, it was going to be a way more expensive process than i was into. 

around that same time, my financial aid for school fell through due to some change, and without any cosigner for a loan, i had no option but to drop out -- and still got footed for a bill of $1700. for school i couldn’t and never did attend. 

the following year of this was not that bad --- my friend’s mom moved out of the house and left it to us. it was a really nice, three bed and two baths with a nice kitchen. they bought me a bed and bed frame, as i had previously been sleeping on the couch, without a mattress of any kind (Josh stole it). i was so grateful.

but after a year, too, she had gotten a boyfriend and they were talking about moving to nashville for his job (they’re there now, congrats to them!) and her mom was going to sell the house.

at this point, my family was in some contact with me again --- my mother and i had less issues than i had with my father, and she found out the situation and offered me to come back home. they were having issues with my younger sister, and i think they hoped my newfound independence could rub off. they would charge me no rent.

I agreed, a huge mistake. I know this now --- but at the time, I wanted their approval and wanted nothing more than to live with my family without problems, which is what was promised to me. They acknowledged I was an adult. This was a lie.

once back home, things were supposed to get better. or be better, rather. but it was immediate to me that it was not true --- once again, all of my decisions were being scrutinized by my family. i would work most of the day, and if i didn’t come home and socialize, i was getting long talks about being part of the “family.” i tried to accomodate all of this, and still it was not enough. if i was spending my money on anything they didn’t approve of, i was getting lectured about it. from the months of august 2018 until the end of january 2019, i was miserable, and depressed, and wanted nothing more than to die.

at the end of december, right before christmas, i finally found a counselor. my family had made it a must for me --- if i wanted to continue living there, i had to go to counseling. so i found a place and someone i began to trust. not long after, i started realizing just how bad i felt in life at home, and my counselor (agreeing for the first and last time with my family) mentioned an in-patient therapy place.

SO, in January, I went to an in-patient hospital for three weeks to undergo constant watch, and this would change my life.

the most recent big event in my life had been me breaking up with my girlfriend. some of you may know of her already, known as ruby, pretty prominent in the youtube rp fandom. she was abusive. not only to me but to others, and though i was warned, i dated her, fell in love with her, and she proceeded to make me feel bad for everything i wanted to do or did. so in the months between november and january, i was being put down by not only my family, who were still calling me useless, worthless, ignorant, and made to be my mother, my girlfriend was also making me feel bad for talking to other people, for spending time playing games and having hobbies that didn’t involve her. 

when i went to this hospital, i was under watch 24/7 for three weeks. they took my vitals, watched my every move. and i was supposed to be on track for finding my weaknesses.

This experience was vital for me --- but it also broke me down.

i was suddenly feeling every emotion i ever hid from myself. i felt myself break down and instead of hiding behind the solid walls i used to have, i had nothing to defend myself with. every thought about the family that seemed to tear me down, tore me down all over again. every thought about how my exgirlfriend saw ME as abusive or neglectful for not being awake at midnight to greet her from work had me in tears and believing no one would ever love me. it felt like someone ripped out my heart and threw it down to let everyone who ever wanted to trample it, do so without a fight.

it took three weeks to come back, and i was a broken woman. i had a better knowledge about myself, how my emotions worked and what i needed to do, but i was raw to the world, and my father supposedly understood. but it was clear to me, within the next week, that this was wrong. he wasted no time continuing to tell me that i wasn’t trying hard enough, that i wasn’t putting any effort into my life. that i was content to lay around and was worthless and just like my mother. 

so i left. i called someone i met while i was away, and he helped me move out that day. but my panic was non-stop. i couldn’t work the way i used to --- panic attacks were happening more often, and i was calling out more because of it. i ended up quitting out of fear of being fired, because i couldn’t get up every day anymore and go to work the way i used to.

eventually i moved again --- i found a guy i got along with really well, liked a lot. his family was very generous --- but they eventually kicked me out too. and now, i’m living with an old friend of mine, her family like my second family. but i changed --- i have a whole slew of medicines i’m supposed to take daily in order to function without panic in my daily life. debt’s come back around, and work has become harder to find. i’ve recognized that i have a disability, in the form of major and chronic depression, bipolar, and ptsd from my mother’s death and further abuse. i don’t get job responses the way i once did, and there are days where i stay in bed (on the couch where i live now) all day, panicking about the fact that i’m considered homeless, that i have no job, that i’m losing insurance soon and college is slowly slipping through my fingers. applying for disability guarantees me nothing, and marking myself as disabled, when compared to last year when i didn’t, has resulted in less interest in my resume, whch is great

i’m trying for commissions for art or writing. i’m trying to write a novel to maybe make something of myself. but i don’t know what to do. 

so. if you’ve ever wondered why i don’t stick around all day like i used to, if you ever wonder why you haven’t heard from me in a week or longer, there’s why. 

[nigestuff-blog1]

The Philippines

I have been living in the Philippines for over two year and thought I would write a bit about the people their culture, plus the general differences. Before I do, please be advised that I consider myself a realist. I am an engineer and as such only think in black and white, right or wrong, there are no grey areas with me. If you are the type who lives in the grey area don’t read on as it will upset, you. I have lived in a lot of places around the world, primarily the UK and USA which are very much different to here. I came here on vacation and never went back home, I love the place. I live on Samal Island near Davao City which suits me as I am more of a country bumkin than a town dweller. Within the following headings I will make comparisons with the UK, but I am sure they will ring true for other countries like Australia, Canada, USA, and Europe. It has become apparent that if you don’t understand the culture of the people and their country, it will eventually wear you down, primarily due to your lack of your understanding. I will refer to us as white nose as this is the nick name they give us, with no offence intended by them. The first heading is all about becoming a permanent residence, for those of you who are thinking about staying, before we get into the differences. So here we go:

Becoming a Permanent Resident

There are only two ways:

1.      Residence Visa for the Philippines (this is what I have)

If you are legally married to a Filipino citizen, you may apply for the permanent Resident Visa (13A) as stated of the Philippine Immigration Act of 1940, Section 13. You must meet the following requirements:

·        Joint letter addressed to The Commissioner of Immigration and notarised.

·        Notarized letter of application by the Filipino spouse

·        Accomplished and Notarized General Application Form

·        Copy of the birth certificate of the Filipino spouse, authenticated by the NSO (National Statistics Office)

·        Authenticated copy of the Marriage Contract by the NSO or Philippine Embassy abroad (if you got married abroad)

·        Local Police clearance

·        National Bureau of investigation (NBI) clearance

·        Immigration Clearance Certificate

·        Copy of the foreigner’s passport showing the date of arrival and Visa

·        pay about 20,000, - Pesos in total for fees (10,000 for application and another 10,000 for approval)

After the application is submitted, you have a hearing with the attorney at the Immigration office where they explain the law regarding your visa. It may take several months before you will finally receive your Resident Visa Card. After the first application, your Resident Visa will be granted for only one year.

After one year you'll have to submit another application but in a simpler way and the Visa then will be good for 10 years, before it needs to be extended again. This costs PHP300 a year to keep up.

  2.      Retirement - Residence Visa for the Philippines (My brother Gary has this one)

Another way to get a permanent residence visa for the Philippines, is the Retirement Visa or SRRV Visa. This Visa does not depend on whether you are married to a Filipino citizen or not, like the 13A Visa but it is based on a money deposit in an accredited Philippine bank.

The Philippines advertise this kind of visa with some advantages such as: Exemption from Customs Duties & Taxes for the importation of personal effects of up to 7000 US$, Exemption from Travel Tax, if your stay in the Philippines is no longer than 1 year, Exemption from the Immigration Exit Clearance and Re-Entry Permits, Exemption from the Immigration I Card/annual registration requirement and Exemption from securing special study permit or study visa for child/children.

Please note that the application for this visa is a very complicated and time-consuming process. Don't give up!

There are basically four groups of people who may apply for the SRRV Visa:

 35 -49 years old: 50,000 US$ Deposit

 over 50 years old without pension: 20,000 US$ Deposit

 over 50 years old with pension: 16,000 US$ Deposit. The pension      must be at least 800 US$ for a single or 1000 US$ for married couples.

 The deposit for SRRV Classic is convertible into an investment of      at least 50,000 US$

 35 Years and older: 20,000 US$ Deposit

 Deposit is not convertible into an investment and      must be locked in the bank

 The Deposit may be withdrawn when the SRRV Visa is cancelled.

 35 years and above and a former Filipino citizen

 50 years and above for Ambassadors & retired Diplomats: (1600      US$ Deposit)

 35 years and above: 10,000 US$ Deposit plus

 pre-existing medical condition that requires medical or clinical      care services

 a pension remitted to the Philippines of at least 1500 US$

With all the visa’s here you must be extremely patient as the bureaucracy is outrageous.

Please note you won’t get an NBI clearance if you have any sort of police record here in the Philippines, like caught smoking on the street or a road traffic offence. (watch it) You can of course operate on a tourist visa and keep extending it every two months for a fee of PHP3000-5000 a pop, no consistency in the fee , I think it depends on which way the wind is blowing! Costly and I think the time on this is running out as the Philippines will inevitably fall in line with most other countries and only grant you a maximum of 3 months on a visitor visa. Please note, you can only drive over here for 3 months on your UK licence, unless you get a visa that lasts for 1 year then apply for a Filipino driver’s licence. You can’t open a bank account with any Filipino banks unless you have a permanent residence visa. You can never vote or own land in the Philippines.

Social Values:

‘READ THIS BIT CAREFULLY’

This is the most important difference from Filipinos to any other western culture. On face value you might think ‘so what’ but if you don’t fully understand the implications of this, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble over here.  The following values are drummed into all the children from a very young age:

·        Paggalang (Tagalog) Respito (Bisaya) The English translation means to be respectful or to give respect to another people.

 ·        Pakikisama (Tagalog) Matinabangon (Bisaya) (Helping Others) has the connotation of getting along with other people in general. Very, Very important here.

 ·        Utang na Loob (Tagalog) Naay Kabalos sa usag- usag (Bisaya) The English translation means, Debt of Gratitude.

 ·        Pagpapahalaga sa Pamilya (Tagalog)  Unahon ang Pamilya (Bisaya) The English translation means Family First.

 ·        Hiya (Tagalog)   Ka-ulaw (Bisaya) The English translation means , Shame, again Very, Very important here.

 Notice there is nothing about honouring your financial depts, it’s all bit wishy washy for us westerners but means a lot to them. The above values are like a religion to these people and if not followed, shows a great deal of disrespect and the consequences would be shame beyond belief. If you insult somebody in a public place or on the road and they have witnesses, they can report you to the local Barangay. You could find yourself being arrested and prosecuted as this is a crime here. So, don’t go shooting your big mouth off in a shop, restaurant or any other public place because you think the service is shit. Don’t start arguing with anyone, even your wife in a public place, this shows a great deal of disrespect and the shame of it is cause for alarm by the onlookers!! Filipino’s are not directly confrontational or assertive verbally, instead they employ passive aggression. Firstly, they will clam up on you if you start shouting at them, then they will go out of their way to be incredibly unhelpful to you for evermore. Be advised, if you push them too far with verbal insults in a public place, their embarrassment might incite them to just stick a knife in you!! Notice, they are knifing you because you have embarrassed them in public, not because of what you have said. For the Filipino, it’s all about keeping face and what other people might think about them, where as in England we don’t give a shit what other people think. We have a saying in the UK, ‘sticks and stone will hurt your bones but calling names can’t hurt you’ Here is the complete opposite, it does hurt them deeply, and they can’t tolerate it, so don’t do it. We white nose can’t help venting our spleen when some f**king idiot pisses us off. Personally, if I get wound up about anything, I let my wife sort it out. She is incredibly patient and nice to them, cajoling them into being co-operative, it takes time but eventually works. I just bugger off somewhere to calm down, have a coffee and a smoke that seems to help. So, what a big difference in the culture, I remember in the USA the kids had a lesson in school on assertiveness, this would not wash over here.  I’ve heard, one of the reasons Filipino’s make great soldiers is when the enemy starts shooting at them, they regard it as a massive insult. Our soldiers take cover while they stand up and start blazing away at the enemy in shear anger. Shame is another big thing to the Filipino, if they have an obligation to pay a debt 9 times out of 10 they will pay as the shame of other people knowing they are bad debtors would be unbearable. People here think twice about cheating in a relationship because once the public find out the shame would eat them alive! The shame of anything they do also extends to their immediate family which compounds the problem further. Shame also has some annoying and negative traits, for instance, my family will never tell me if they have broken something. They don’t even tell me if something is not working even if they haven’t broken it. This is so annoying, as I only find out when I come to use it. They do this, as they always prefer to avoid conflict and can’t bear the shame of being told off. They will even lie to me about the problem rather than being honest about it to avoid the shame. To me, this trait is childish, but I must live with it as this is their mind set and culture. Furthermore, don’t expect eye contact during any confrontations, just like your pet dog, it is impossible for them to look you in the eyes! I England this is considered incredibly rude and suggests the person you are arguing with is has something to hide or is lying.

Religion:

·        Roman Catholic Christianity - 70% Roman Catholicism is the largest religion in the Philippines. ...

·        Protestant Christianity - 17% Protestant Christianity is the second largest religious group in the Philippines. ...

·        Islam - 5 to 10% ...

·        Iglesia ni Cristo (Philippine Church of Christ) - 2% ...

·        Buddhists - 2% ...

·        Other - 6.6%

 Yes, they all claim to be religious people, but underneath in my opinion they can’t be. I always got the impression that religion teaches people right from wrong and to love ‘all creatures great and small’.  That’s not what I see here with all the corruption going on and perpetual lies from the top down. On top of that, the Catholic church here is just as corrupt as the Vatican. interesting to note when a paedophilia case crops up in the news its always the Catholic church involved, I can sight many cases, but you know what I am talking about. The people here are shocked when they ask me if I am religious and I tell them I am a Humanist. Interesting to also note, that most wars and disputes are caused by religion across the world. I do believe there was a guy called Jesus and I can also understand why the Romans killed him.

 Getting a Drivers Licence

Most Filipino’s don’t have one of these as it cost too much for them, currently PHP850 (£12.50) It’s quite amusing on this Island when the LTO is out in force, everybody hides in the jungle until they have gone. There are two ways to get a licence in the Philippines, you can do it the right way like I did with the LTO (land Transport Office) or you can get a fixer to have one made for you. (maybe for 3000- 5000 peso’s) It saddens me to know how many of us white noses have chosen the latter. All these guys are doing is supporting the corruption here in this country. (lazy wankers) Of course as stated above, you must have a visa that lasts one year to qualify for a licence, perhaps therefore a lot of white nose here flaunt the law. When you get the licence it only qualifies you to drive a motorbike (no limit on how many cc) and a car/ 4x4. Even if you are an HGV driver in the UK it makes no difference. Anyway, once you have your one-year visa, just bob along to the LTO office and apply, it only took me an hour, it last 5 years then you must go back to renew it.

Running a car or motorbike

From new, the car or bike must be checked by the environmental department for emission test and then checked by the LTO (Land Transport Office) for condition of the vehicle every year. The biggest problem here is how long it takes the LTO to provide registration on your car or bike. They take so long to produce the registration plates they must issue temporary numbers. This could take from 1-3 months and without it you can’t get insurance on your vehicle. The LTO and the police don’t care if you don’t have insurance on your vehicle as they regard this as your choice and see it as a civil matter. If you have a serious accident, then you will have to pay out of your own pocket, if you don’t or can’t, you’re going to jail. So, I have a bit of fun with this and when I see one of the car retailers in the mall trying to sell their latest model, I can’t resist it. I tell them I will buy the 1.7 million-peso 4x4 with cash today, providing they can get me insurance to drive it on the road that day. The best offer I had was Ford, who claimed they had a special deal with the LTO and could get my new registration within a month. I asked them, how would I get it to my home if I was not prepared to drive it without insurance, they said they would put it on a transporter for me and deliver it!! I could then admire my new car sat in the driveway for a few months until the LTO got around to giving me a temporary number! Is interesting that the LTO can be as late as they like about this but fine you P1000 if you are a day late in registering your vehicle once a year. The cost of re-registering your car is about P6000 a year, plus penalties of course.  In England you get the new number plate and insurance for your new vehicle within ½ hour and it would be a big offence if I drove it without insurance on our roads. By the way, I bought a new motorbike 2 years ago… still waiting for the official number plate from the LTO.

Common Sense / Logic

The Filipino seems to be deficient in this area, let me give you some examples. As mentioned I have a Pam boat which I uses for pleasure trips and commercial Island-hopping tours. I had it in dry dock one day doing some minor repairs and painting, when a lady appeared on the shore and asked if she could rent the boat today for a tour. Now bear in mind, this was 10;00 am in the morning and the tide was fully out, due to be back in at 5:30pm. It was one of those moments where everyone on the boat stopped working and just looked at one another! What did this lady want us to do? Perhaps drag a 7-ton boat across the sand about 50 metres and get it back into the sea? She was really pissed off when I told her we couldn’t do it. Another time I had a guy come to my house about 5:00am in the morning, woke me up and ask if he could rent the boat that day!! Don’t these people ever plan ahead, is everything just done on an impulse? I watched the carpenter working on my boat one day, I asked him to put a wooden brace in the hull, so I could mount a water tank. I am so glad I did, as he was going to put the brace right across where the engine cooling fan rotates, that would have been interesting when I start the engine. The same guy once replaced the steering ropes on the boat but connected them backwards so when you moved the steering wheel the rudder went in the wrong way. I guess this would work if the captain sat facing backwards and looked through a periscope to steer. (remember the SPV on Captain Scarlet) I took my truck to a local repair shop, it had a slight leak on the radiator and the alternator belt needed tightening as it was slipping. He took out the radiator and made the repair to the leak, at this point I thought he would tension the alternator belt as it was in clear view without the radiator being in the way. No, he replaced the radiator then spent about a f**king hour trying to get at the tensioning bolt on the alternator bracket, which was now difficult to get to due to the radiator hoses in the way.  It would still be easy to do, if you could produce 50 newton metres of torque at your fingertips!! I can’t watch……. time for a coffee and a cigarette!! Finally, my brother is always complaining about this one as he is a big guy with big hands. The door knobs here are always set too close to the door jam. When you go to open the door, your hand gets trapped between the handle and the door jam, it bloody hurts!! I could go on sighting other examples, but I think you get the picture.

Gambling

Guess this comes with the territory, if you don’t have much money in the first place what better way to get more by just gambling! As anyone knows with any modicum amount of common sense ‘gambling only pays if you are winning’. It’s a common thing throughout the world that poor people always take to gambling to try and improve their lives. Here in the Philippines, gambling is almost an obsession, mainly playing cards or mahjong. They are also obsessed with Cock fighting and on this island, there are lots of people rising birds just for that purpose. I’ve been to some cock fights which is primarily a guy’s thing. Money is flying everywhere as the prize cocks battle it out with sharp razor blades fastened to one of their legs. The show doesn’t last long, maybe 30-45 seconds before one of the cocks is dead. Amazingly, there is no trouble at these events, which you would think there would be. With the average age of the guys around 30 years old, money flying everywhere, everyone shouting and lots of booze on tap. (back to their family values)

Human Right

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte has told a U.N human rights expert who said the country’s judicial independence was under threat to ‘go to hell’, warning against interference in domestic affairs. Basically, Duterte is right, this country and I dare say others, needs to get tough on drugs and terrorism. Human rights have become a joke, in England prisoners can study for a degree and have the right to vote in major elections. Remember president Duterte is a clever man, he is a lawyer and has made Davao City one of the safest places to live during his 21 years as mayor. In one of his speeches to the nation he explained how much it cost the state to legally convict a known drug criminal. He then went on to explain to everyone how much a bullet costs the nation. He knows, its not just the cost of convicting these guys, it’s the message he wants to get over to them if they persist in their activities. The people here love him, because he is making the Philippines a safer place to live. As a family man, he is genuinely concerned about the influence drugs have on the children and how it can ruin their lives. He has at his disposal the police, army and his death squad. Known drug dealers may spend some time in prison, but when they get out their life expectancy is limited. So called civilised countries like the UK, are so far up their ass with human rights that we can’t even expel foreign terrorist back to his own country. deported radical Islamist cleric Abu Qatada to Jordan ending a decade-long legal battle with UN human rights, to expel the man once dubbed Osama bin Laden's deputy in Europe. That would not be much of a problem for Mr Duterte, the guy would last no more than a week here…… I love it!

Corruption

Yes, poor old president Duterte is trying his best to get rid of this, particularly in government departments. In a way you can’t blame corruption being rife as these people don’t get paid enough or on time so how are they going to feed their families? One of the big differences here compared to the UK is even the police can be bribed. If you did this in the UK, you would be instantly arrested for trying to pervert the course of justice! We in the first world have a different sort of corruption and in a way probably worse than here. For example, there are a lot of Borough councillors in the UK paying them selves’ massive salaries, even more than the Prime Mister gets. When you see them being interviewed on the TV they sound to me like ignorant thugs. Usually is the labour Borough councils that do this (greedy draconian bastards). They use tax payer’s money for the most stupid things and get away with it like building a new town hall, meanwhile the local hospitals are in baddy need of resources and the roads are full of potholes. Wonder why our council taxes are so high, But Hay Ho, the wisdom of the crowd, if that’s who you vote in as a councillor, what do you expect? So, don’t go criticising the 3rd world countries on their corruption when we are no better! At least when Duterte finds out about government departments being corrupt he just has them shot. (With regards to human rights, the rest of the world can stick it up their ass as far as he is concerned,) …. I just love that!

 Food

Anything that requires cooling or kept frozen here is expensive, chocolate, ice cream and frozen chicken nuggets for example is about 5 times the price compared to the UK. Why, its obvious really, the power cost to keep this stuff cool in ambient temperatures of 30+ degrees C. When you buy a bar of chocolate, scoff it straight away because it will be liquid by the time you get it home. Eating is at the very top of Filipino’s list, to the white nose, they seemed to be obsessed with it. I was thinking a while ago, where food came in my list of priorities back in England, about number 7 after the mortgage etc,etc.. The Filipino’s as small as they are, consume vast quantities of food a day, providing they can afford to get it. Its interesting to see a wealthy Filipino family getting out of their new 4X4, the car suspension pops up about 10 inches as they alight. Here in the Philippines you are considered wealthy if you are fat , so that’s ok, it’s the complete opposite in the UK. They can certainly eat me under the table (Opps, that sounds a bit vulgar!!) But seriously, they consider any meal without rice, a snack, so a big T bone steak with all the trimmings is just a snack to them. You see rice is a filler, and I believe it keeps on expanding in their stomach until they feel full. They don’t consider they have had enough to eat until they feel full, whereas we white nose don’t need to feel like that after a meal. They are constantly stuffing large quantities of fluffy, sticky tasteless white rice into their faces with every meal. I asked them if they ever get bored with eating the stuff, as I would if I was eating chips with every meal, but no, they literally cannot live without it. They also eat more often than we do, it’s not uncommon for them to have 4-6 meals a day. I am guessing is because they don’t get a lot out of all the rice they are eating. (either that or they are all greedy pigs) They don’t seem to like papaya which I think is delicious, but they will eat green unripe mango, dipped in vinegar!! Unlike us Brits who only have vinegar on our fish & chips, they use vinegar on most meals. They don’t like any sort of pickles in vinegar like we do, in fact they think sweet cucumber or pickled onions in vinegar are revolting. Yep, we definitely have different taste in food. I wonder what they would think of our Sunday roast? (a snack without the rice?)  The other thing is they don’t seem to eat as much protein as we do (back to the big T bone steak), They tend to chop the meat or fish into small pieces then scoop it up with a large helping of rice with their fingers before masticating it with their mouths open. Have you ever heard a cat eat, well that’s what it sounds like, must be the sticky rice!! (table manners here are completely out the window) Regular table knives are very difficult to get hold of in the shops, as they use a fork and spoon to eat everything. They even attempt to chop up meat with their spoon which is so painful for me to watch. Unlike us, they usually don’t have a drink with their meals, even if the food is dry or spicy, they drink afterwards. They will not have anything to drink before a meal either, it must be something to do with the rice again? The food hygiene is also very poor, I am surprised more of them don’t come down with serious food poisoning. Most meat they eat here is boiled in a pan which as we know is not enough heat to kill all the potential nasties. They don’t roast things in an oven because most of them can’t afford one. They also have no Idea how to store cooked foods, most of the time they just leave it on the table with ambient temperatures above 30 degrees C. Guess what… the f**king ants, flies and rodents are all having a taste of it within half an hour. This doesn’t seem to bother them they just eat it later for a snack. It took me a long time to convince my wife and her daughter to put the cooked food in the fridge. It took me an even greater time to train them not to put raw meats above cooked food in the fridge etc..  I bought two chopping boards, one for raw meats and fish and the other for cooked foods and vegetables, you should have seen their faces when I tried to explain that one. Even though most people here are poor, they always make more food than they can eat in one sitting. Hence food left lying around for later. I still can’t understand why they don’t just make what they are going to eat, must be an Asian thing. They are always celebrating something, from fiesta’s to Funerals every week. This involves free food, and which is the primary reason why they attend. When we go to a party in the UK or a funeral it’s just a drink and a few sandwiches not a feast. Their funerals go on for 9 days where everyone goes around to eat, drink and play cards. That’s another thing, they like to get to a party as early as they can, before the food runs out! I say to my wife who is a philopena, why are we going at 5:00pm, can’t we wait until around 8:00pm? As this would be the normal time to turn up in the UK, no point, the food would have run out by then. My wedding was a typical example of this, we had loads of food but when it ran out they all cleared off about 8:30pm, I did see one or two of them stuffing food into plastic bags to take home with them for a snack later, leaving a few white nose friends and I drinking until 11:30pm. They also eat some rather disgusting foods, such as smelly Durian and even smellier dried fish. I have banished this from the house and told them to eat it outside, how can they complain about a blocked drain or my cigarette smoke after eating that? Beef, fresh pasteurised milk and cheese is very difficult to get here. They are not big on dairy farming but love raising pigs and goat, so guess what’s on the menu. I am always stopping them from removing the seeds out of a tomato, they think if they eat them, they will get appendicitis!! Their supermarkets are another thing, most of the shelves are stuffed with junk food or small sashays of essentials, from washing powder to coffee. The super markets cater for the smaller shops called ‘Sari Sari’ stores as these are their main customers, hence the small sashays… which they stock. You don’t see washing powder or coffee in what we would consider family size packs, (the economical way to buy the product) probably because most people here could not afford to buy it this way.  You go to the meat counter where you find only chicken and pork, forget about beef. Its poor-quality pork covered in fat and lying there most times at an ambient temperature of 30-degree with a member of staff waving off the fly’s. Tined foods like Corn beef and Tuna are also very low quality, you open the can to find a slurry of shit! I’ve seen tined cat and dog food that looks and smell better in the UK. I think they get most of their canned foods from China. The kids here eat a lot of crappy hot dogs with rice and seemed to love it along with corpus quantities of sugary soft drinks, could you imagine giving your kids that on a regular basis in the UK, not very nutritious!! Diabetes is becoming a very big problem here due to their diet of sugar laden food along with vast quantities of rice. Even their bread is laced with sugar, it tastes more like poor quality cake to me. I’ve taken to making my own food like homemade country style ham, I buy the pork from a reputable butcher here and cure it myself. (Ah a taste of home) The beer here is dominated by Sam Miguel, which for a Britt, is shit in a bottle. It’s a fizzy lager which gives you serious acid indigestion if you drink too much of it. I think they should sellotape a couple an-acid tablets to every bottle. The Americans, Canadians, Swiss and even Germans don’t seem to mind it as this is the sort of shit beer they drink back home. Note I would not include the Australians in this list as they have real beer like us Britt’s although Fosters is only a little better than Sam Miguel! You know why the Australians call the other stuff Castlemaine four XXXX? because they can’t spell PISS! If this beer is not super cool to hide its true taste, it is virtually un-drinkable, just like Coors shite, I mean lite, in the USA. God what I would give right now for a steak and onion sandwich on crusty roll with a pint of London Pride or John Smiths smooth flow!!

Diabetes:

This is becoming a real problem in the Philippines.

On a personal note, in England I was diagnosed as a type two diabetic. I was constantly taking metformin to control my blood sugar level. It’s interesting that doctors prescribe Metformin and insulin to manage this disease. All this medication is doing is treating the symptoms not the cause and it is certainly not the cure! Consequently, the sufferer becomes more and more dependent on the medicine, it’s a vicious circle!! The pharmaceutical companies are making a fortune from this while the people with the disease eventually die from it! Due to the inclement weather, lack of exercise plus the food I was eating in the USA and the UK, I weighed around 87 kg. I come over here and after 6 months due to a different diet of more fruit and vegetables my weight drops to 75kg. Guess what? my blood sugar goes down to less than 6 and stays there, I don’t need the metformin anymore. My blood pressure also dropped accordingly which suggest to me that the biggest contributing factor to Diabetes is being overweight and eating the wrong foods. So, to put it bluntly, being a fat lazy bastard is one sure fire way of getting diabetes in your 50’s. Doctors in the UK can’t say to their patients ‘you have diabetes because you are a fat bastard’, this would be regarded as discrimination and that’s illegal in the UK. I was always checking my blood sugar in the UK with one of those electronic devices pricking my fingers for a sample… today I have a much better test… the mosquitos here only bite me if my blood sugar is elevated! In the UK you are referred to as a ‘FAT BASTARD’ if you are fat and a ‘SKINNY GITT’ if you are thin, guess I am a gitt now! By the way people, if you want a sure-fire way of losing weight, cancel the gym membership and stop putting loads of unhealthy food in your mouth… that works! Here in the Philippines, lots of people are dying from Diabetes because they simply cannot afford the medicine. Just like the rest of the world their doctors are treating the symptoms and not addressing the cause. If they addressed the cause it would save these people a lot of money and they would live longer. Without exception Filipino’s get fat by the time they are 35-40 due to their poor diet and lack of exercise, particularly the females, it’s a shame as the foods that would save them grow in abundance here and are not expensive. Their culture of eating rice and other carbohydrate foods does not help. I just can’t get my friends and family here to eat raw vegetables and lots of fruit, they much prefer to eat rice, boiled meat and boiled vegetables. They also eat lots of junk food complemented with copious quantities of soft drinks. In a way they remind me of children, they just can’t get enough sugar in their foods. Education also plays a big part in this as most of them know nothing about good nutrition and food hygiene.

 Language

With over 7000 islands in the Philippines it’s not surprising they have a lot of native languages. Tagalog is the main language taught in schools and is what everyone can speak here. On this Island they speak Bisaya which I am learning slowly. Interestingly both languages are sometime difficult to explain things, so they revert to English as it’s a quicker way to get their point over. You will notice during any conversation they throw in English words or even full sentences, I tease them and tell them to speak their own language. This surely proves that English is a better language to converse in when they must hijack ours from time to time. They have no native words for Car, TV, Mobile phone, Fridge, microwave etc, because we invented them, so how could they have a native word for it. A lot of the sentences they say are said backwards compared to English, example ‘Bring me to the house of my parents’ I think they have a touch of Master Yoda about them. Staying on the Star War theme, when you listen to them talking, they sound like Ewoks from the forest moon of Endor!! On last thing is that the English they use is strongly influenced by American language. Lots of incorrect spellings and pronunciation of words which can be very annoying to the Britt’s. I of course am correcting this slowly with my wife, daughter and close friends, so they do end up speaking good English. By the way the Filipino’s have no ‘C’ in their alphabet!!

Holidays:

Date

Weekday

Holiday Name

Holiday Type

1 Jan

Monday

New Year's Day

Regular Holiday

 16 Feb

Friday

Chinese Lunar New  Year's Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 25 Feb

Sunday

People Power  Anniversary

Special  Non-working Holiday

 21 Mar

Wednesday

March Equinox

Season

 29 Mar

Thursday

Maundy Thursday

Regular Holiday

 30 Mar

Friday

Good Friday

Regular Holiday

 31 Mar

Saturday

Black Saturday

Special  Non-working Holiday

 1 Apr

Sunday

Easter Sunday

Observance

 9 Apr

Monday

The Day of Valour

Regular Holiday

 13 Apr

Friday

Lailatul Isra Wal  Mi Raj

Common local  holiday

 1 May

Tuesday

Labour Day

Regular Holiday

 14 May

Monday

Special  Non-Working Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 12 Jun

Tuesday

Independence Day

Regular Holiday

 15 Jun

Friday

Eidul-Fitar

Regular Holiday

 21 Jun

Thursday

June Solstice

Season

 21 Aug

Tuesday

Eid al-Adha  (Feast of the Sacrifice)

Regular Holiday

 21 Aug

Tuesday

Ninoy Aquino Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 22 Aug

Wednesday

Eid al-Adha Day 2

Common local  holiday

 27 Aug

Monday

National Heroes  Day holiday

Regular Holiday

 12 Sep

Wednesday

Amun Jadid

Muslim, Common  local holiday

 23 Sep

Sunday

September Equinox

Season

 1 Nov

Thursday

All Saints' Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 2 Nov

Friday

All Souls' Day

Observance

 2 Nov

Friday

Additional  Special Non-Working Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 21 Nov

Wednesday

Maulid un-Nabi

Common local  holiday

 30 Nov

Friday

Bonifacio Day

Regular Holiday

 8 Dec

Saturday

Feast of the  Immaculate Conception

Special  Non-working Holiday

 22 Dec

Saturday

December Solstice

Season

 24 Dec

Monday

Christmas Eve

Observance

 24 Dec

Monday

Additional  Special Non-Working Day

Special  Non-working Holiday

 25 Dec

Tuesday

Christmas Day

Regular Holiday

 30 Dec

Sunday

Rizal Day

Regular Holiday

 31 Dec

Monday

New Year's Eve

Special  Non-working Holiday

  Will you just look at all the holidays they have, if we took as many in the UK nothing would get done!! Pretty much every month they are on holiday for something.

On top of this there are local district holidays:

·        Semestrial week off every 6 months for schools

·        UN day ( united nations day) runs from 20-26 October for schools

·        Annual day off for celebration the anniversary of the local town

·        Annual day of for celebrating the anniversary of the Barangay (Bourgh Council)

·        Annual day off for celebration the founding of a school etc etc

·        Local elections

 Funerals

When someone dies here it’s a big event for the family and friends involved. First the body is taken to the funeral home where it is prepared and put in a coffin. Then the body is delivered back to the relative’s home who keep it in the house for 9 days. (very macabre) During this period friends and family visit the house where the spouse of the deceased is expected to provide food and drink all day and night. The people pay their respects then sit around eating, drinking, talking and gambling. This costs the poor immediate relatives a fortune. Wait for it, sometimes the body must be returned to the funeral home to drain off more fluids!! I have attended 4 such events in the last 2 years, it’s very strange. Don’t forget the body is sitting in ambient temperature of 30+ deg C which would not be allowed in the UK as this would violate public health laws. I am guessing they keep the rats and other vermin off the body by standing vigil over it all night or putting the lid on the coffin. Must admit some coffins have a sheet of glass over the body for that very purpose. (doesn’t bare thinking about)

Services

This is a biggest bone of contention for most white nose here, because in most stores despite the grossly over staffing it takes for ever to get served. A common thing you will hear is ‘we are out of stock’!! I have heard this at Mc Donald’s and Dunkin Doughnuts, they said they were out of stock on coffee, can you believe that. (Noticeable they weren’t out of stock on rice) So you go to the hardware store to buy say 20 off 6mm bolts and some electrical connectors. Here’s how it goes, you go to the service desk and tell them what you want, after a half an hour wait they have it on the counter. Then they hand write out a receipt for the goods, at which point you would expect to pay and leave. Ho no, now you must go stand in a line at the cashier desk to pay for the goods for another hour. The cashier gives you a receipt and you must dutifully take this back to the first counter and again wait in line for another half an hour. They then package the goods for you (which is painful to watch) and hand you your receipt stating you have paid for the goods. Then… wait for it… you must stand in another line for an hour at the security desk before you leave. At the security desk they tear open your package and count every item shown on your receipt. Then they wrap your goods up again and only now can you leave (total of 3 hours in a very hot sticky hardware shop). (B&Q UK, for same goods takes maximum 10 mins even if there is a big line. I asked why they have such a slow complicated system; the reply was that the owner doesn’t trust the staff. No wonder the Filipino is a patient person. Talking about hardware stores, they don’t seem to have any logic with their stock. Plumbing gear is the worse, they have the pipe, but not all the fittings like reducers or tee pieces, god knows how the plumber here does his job! It’s the same story with electrical gear, wonder if the owner is a practical person or are, they just stupid? The government bodies are steeped in bureaucracy and everything is done by hand, not computerised. Even those agencies that have computers like the NBI and Immigration still do everything with carbon copies and ink fingerprints… then do it again on their computer system just for good measure! Everything must be done in triplicate and signed on every page and notarised. I counted how many times I had to sign every paper for my citizenship card and it was 42 times. (I guess this is to try and eliminate a fixer getting you a residence visa). I have a Pam Boat here in the Philippines and the documentation I needed from the Marina was outrageous. It ended up being 14 pieces of paper which cost PHP 18,000 and took a total of 12 months to complete. I owned a yacht in the UK about the same size and to operate it was only 3 bits of paper and took a week to complete.

Home

This is where I think the Filipino gets their patients and tolerance of their fellow man. They look after their old folk and each other which puts our way of life to shame. Consider this… nobody dies alone here. Most of the houses they live in resemble that DIY garden shed that you could buy from any good hardware store in the UK. This is where we keep out garden tools and lawn mower, so they don’t get wet and rust because it’s always raining in the UK. I was astounded to find out how many of them lived in one tiny house.  I asked my wife ‘where do they all sleep’? she told me they all sleep on the living room floor lined up like sardines’ that’s the coolest place she said. Do they all have a mattress to sleep on?  No most of the time its just lie on the hard floor all night. The amazing bit is there is no fighting about ‘who’s got my socks, where’s my shorts etc, they all get along without any trouble. In the UK even the unemployed have a nice council house and the more kids they have the more bedrooms they have. If families in the UK had to live like this, there would be fights every day maybe even murders. This is when you realise the difference from 1st world country to a 3rd world country. It’s interesting to see that they all seem to manage to have a mobile phone sticking out of their back pocket but live in squalor. The other thing that differs greatly here from the UK is that it is truly a family house, grandparent usually own it and most of their kids and grandkids live with them. Because this is a catholic country, family planning is non-existent, so most of them have 3 to 5 kids on average.  I’ve also seen a lot of young teenage girls here with babies, so much for contraception and education from schools and parents! Cooking at home is simple, most of it done over burning sticks they found in the jungle and a pot, hence the boiling of meat all the time as mention previously. This is usually performed outside because of the dense smoke it produces. The one thing most Filipinos will spend money on is a good karaoke set with the biggest amplifier and speakers they can get their hands on. On a housing estate you can hear several of these sets competing all through the night. Nobody complains about the noise because they are all making it. In the UK we pay for council tax and it’s a lot of money every month depending on the size of your house. Here they don’t pay this at all and their Barangay get funding directly from the main government. In the UK when parents die and leave an expensive property to their children the government want 20% inheritance tax from the estate. Here there is no such tax, in fact, they have very few taxes compared to the UK. It’s not surprising as the people here could not afford to live if they were buried under the UK style tax system. Come to think of it, neither does working families in the UK so they must claim for income support from the government, which is just churning money around the system rather than doing the right thing and lowering taxes.

Social Benefits:

Before we get into this one, I must tell you the big difference from the UK compared to the rest of the world. The working people and companies are heavily tax in the UK to support the social benefits that have evolved in the UK over many years. I was talking to a good friend of mine who is a general manager of an engineering firm in South Africa. He was telling me he works hard to pay for not just the roof over his head but to pay for the following:

·        Kids’ education

·        Medical insurance

·        Medicine for his family and his mother in law that suffers from diabetes.

This struck a cord with me as he was working hard for things that in the UK are free to those who don’t work. So, he has a greater incentive to go to work and keep a job, where people would not get out of bed in the UK to do the same thing. The fact is that families who are not working in the UK can claim for benefits that are worth more than the job they could get. This can’t be right can it? This is a disincentive to get a job but the same people in the UK complain about Eastern Europeans taking their low paid jobs!! People who do work hard in the UK never say I am working hard to pay my NI contributions and tax, wonder why?

Here is a list of benefits which can be claimed by jobless and low paid people in the UK:

 Adult social care

Help with paying for care, especially in old age, such as help washing and dressing, is conducted on a council-by-council basis and so the level of assistance depends on where you live.

 Attendance Allowance

A tax-free benefit for those aged 65 or over who are physically or mentally disabled and need help to be looked after. There are two rates of up to £71.40 a week.

Bereavement Allowance

A weekly rate of up to £97.65 paid for up to 52 weeks from the date of death of a husband, wife or civil partner.

Bereavement Payment

The £2,000 payment is a one-off tax-free lump sum to a husband, wife or civil partner of somebody who has died and generally who was under the state pension age.

Budgeting Loans

An interest-free loan for those on a low income who need help with certain important costs, such as clothing, furniture and travel.

Carer's Allowance

A taxable benefit for those who look after someone who is disabled. They do not have to be related to, or live with, the person that they care for.

Child Benefit

A universal non-means-tested benefit for parents to claim for their children, but plans to withdraw it for higher-rate taxpayers have proved controversial.

Child Tax Credit

Labour's flagship welfare policy, child tax credits are paid to families with children regardless of whether the parents work.

Child Trust Fund

To be withdrawn completely by the start of 2011, parents were paid a voucher to invest for their children who could access the money at the age of 18.

Cold Weather Payment

Paid to people who are in receipt of certain benefits to help with their additional heating costs during winter. A payment of £25 is made for each seven-day period of very cold weather between 1 November and 31 March - when the average local temperature is recorded as, or forecast to be, freezing (zero Celsius) or below over seven consecutive days.

Community Care Grant

Financial help to live independently in the community for those who have, for example, just moved out of care, or to ease exceptional pressure on them and their family.

Constant Attendance Allowance

To help those who need daily care, are 100% disabled according to medical examination, and who receive Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit or the War Disablement Pension.

Council Tax Benefit

Financial help for those on low incomes to pay their council tax bill.

Crisis Loans

Interest-free loans for those who do not have enough money to meet their, or their families, immediate short-term needs in an emergency or as the result of a disaster.

Disability Living Allowance

A tax-free benefit for disabled people, including children, who have difficulty walking and who need somebody to help look after them. (This can be lucrative as many people get a new car every 2 years from the government. Special cases get an extremely expensive modified vehicle to accommodate a wheel chair)

Employment and Support Allowance

The successor of Incapacity Benefit, it is paid to those with an illness or disability but aims to get them into some kind of work.

Funeral Payments

Help for those on low incomes to pay for a family funeral but might have to be paid back from the estate of the person who has died.

Guardian's Allowance

A tax-free payment of £14.30 a week per child on top of Child Benefit for people who are bringing up children whose parents have died.

Healthcare Travel Costs Scheme

Those on a low income and who need NHS treatment at a hospital, another NHS centre or a private clinic and have been referred by an NHS hospital consultant, doctor or dentist, can apply for help with travel costs at the time of their appointment.

Health Costs

Various options of financial assistance for the young, old and those on low incomes to pay for health costs ranging from dental work to wigs.

Health in Pregnancy Grant

A one-off grant to help with costs in the run-up to a baby's birth - however, this is being withdrawn in 2011.

Healthy Start Scheme

Help for pregnant women and low-income families by giving them vouchers that can be used to buy milk, fresh fruit and vegetables, and also coupons which can be exchanged for free vitamins for women and children. It is the only benefit administered by the Department of Health.

Housing Benefit

Aimed at those who struggle to pay their rent because they have a low income, irrespective of whether they work or not. Planned reforms by the government have proved to be extremely controversial.

In Work Credit

A fixed tax-free payment of £40 per week, or £60 per week in London, for parents bringing up children alone. It is payable for up to 52 weeks on top of earnings.

Incapacity Benefit

A weekly payment for people who become incapable of work owing to illness or disability, which started before 27 October 2008, while under state pension age. It is being replaced by Employment and Support Allowance.

Income Support

Financial support for those on low incomes who have not signed on as unemployed.

Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit

The amount depends on individual circumstances, but this is a weekly payment for those made ill or disabled by certain types of work - such as working with asbestos. It covers accidents, disease and deafness. Those who are self-employed are not eligible.

Industrial Death Benefit

Payable to the widow or widower and children of a person working as an employed earner who died as a result of an industrial accident or prescribed disease. The death must have been before 11 April 1988.

 Invalidity Benefit

This was replaced by Incapacity Benefit from April 1995 but is still payable if the invalidity started before April 1995. (free Car)

Job Grant

A one-off, tax-free payment of up to £250 as a stepping stone for those moving from benefits and into work.

Jobseeker's Allowance

The widely recognised main benefit for people of working age who are out of work or work less than 16 hours a week on average, and who are looking for work.

Local Housing Allowance

Similar to Housing Benefit, this is the allowance paid to a private tenant on a low income who is renting property or a room from a private landlord.

Maternity Allowance

This pays a standard weekly rate of £124.88 or 90% of your average gross weekly earnings, whichever is the smaller, to somebody who does not qualify for statutory maternity pay.

Mobility Supplement

Some people might be entitled to a free tax disc if they are disabled and get the higher rate of the mobility component of Disability Living Allowance, War Pensioners Mobility Supplement or have a new car.

Over 80 Pension

A payment of up to £58.50 a week for individuals aged 80 or over who do not get the basic state pension.

Pension Credit

This guarantees a minimum income to those of state pension age by topping up the weekly income to £132.60 for those who are single, and £202.40 for couples. There is also a Savings Credit for those aged 65 and over.

Pneumoconiosis (including asbestosis), Byssinosis and Miscellaneous Diseases Benefit

A benefit paid to the husband, wife or civil partner of somebody who died as a result of pneumoconiosis, byssinosis or certain other diseases which they got from work before 5 July, 1948.

Reduced Earnings Allowance

A payment of up to £58.32 a week for those who do not earn as much as they could owing to a work-related accident or disease that happened before 1 October 1990.

Retirement Allowance

This replaces Reduced Earnings Allowance for those who have reached pension age and have given up regular employment.

Return to work credit

A tax-free payment of £40 per week, payable for up to 52 weeks, for some people returning to work.

School uniform allowances

Help for parents to pay for their children's school uniform but administered on a council-by-council basis.

Severe Disablement Allowance

Paid to those unable to work for at least 28 weeks in a row because of an illness or disability - but no new claims have been accepted since April 2001.

State Pension

Arguably the best-known of all benefits, this is a payment of £97.65 to all those who have reached state pension age - which is set to rise.

Statutory Adoption Pay

Help to take time off work after adopting a child, it is paid at £124.88 or 90% of your average weekly earnings if this is less, for 39 weeks.

Statutory Maternity Pay

For new mothers, this is paid for the first six weeks at 90% of their average gross weekly earnings with no upper limit and - for the remaining 33 weeks - at the lower of either the standard rate of £124.88, or 90% of their average gross weekly earnings. This is one of a series of rights for new parents.

Statutory Paternity Pay

For new fathers, this is paid for one or two consecutive weeks at £124.88 or 90% of their average weekly earnings if this is less. As with maternity pay, they must have worked for the same employer without a break for at least 26 weeks by the 15th week before the baby is due.

Statutory Sick Pay

A standard rate of £79.15 a week, it is paid by employers for up to 28 weeks if somebody is unable to work because of illness.

Sure, Start Maternity Grant

A one-off payment of £500 for each baby to help those on low incomes pay towards the cost of a new baby.

Tax credits

The former Labour government's policy to integrate benefits within the tax system, rather than straightforward handouts. The benefits administered by HM Revenue and Customs consist of Child Tax Credit and Working Tax Credit.

Training premium

A small amount of about £10 a week paid as an incentive to train for a job.

Travel to interview scheme

For those out of work and on benefits, Jobcentre Plus may be able to help pay to get to a job interview.

Unemployability Supplement or Allowance

This is paid to people who suffered industrial injuries, but no new claims have been accepted since 6 April, 1987, when Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit was increased.

Vaccine Damage Payment

A tax-free payment of £120,000 to those severely disabled and whose disability was caused by vaccination against various diseases, such as tetanus.

War Disablement Pension

A pension, dependent on the level of injury, for those injured or disabled as a result of service in the Armed Forces, who are no longer serving in the Armed Forces and who were injured in service before 6 April 2005.

War Widow's/Widower's Pension

A tax-free pension paid to the wife, husband or civil partner of somebody who died as a result of their service in the Armed Forces or during a time of war before 6 April 2005.

Widowed Parent's Allowance

Up to £97.65 a week paid to a parent whose husband, wife or civil partner has died and they have at least one child who they receive Child Benefit for. Previously known as Widowed Mother's Allowance.

Widow's Pension

Payable weekly at a reduced rate for younger widows, the pension can be paid until the widow reaches 65 but if she retires after reaching state pension age of 60 it will usually be replaced by the state pension.

Winter Fuel Payment

This year it will be paid to all those born on or before 5 July 1950. The annual payment can be between £125 and £400 depending on the recipient's situation, to help pay the increased heating bills of winter. It is different to the Cold Weather Payment.

Working Tax Credit

Another element of the tax credits system, it pays in-work credits to people on low incomes through the wage packet including, where appropriate, part of childcare costs.

I’ve gone to the trouble of listing them all as I am so angry about how many there are. You must ask yourself the question … does it pay to work in the UK?   I dare say most other countries have nothing like this in place to encourage people to be so lazy!! I guess we are a victim of our own socialistic success, but the UK is already writing checks it can’t afford, sooner or later it will collapse due to lack of funding (tax receipts) and then there will be anarchy on the streets! In the UK people who receive these benefits or if you like, free handouts and calling them their entitlements! What I would like to know is how are they entitled to them if they have never worked for them? The top and bottom of it is in the UK, the more you earn the more tax is taken from your wages at source. This can be disproportionate and discourages people from working overtime or taking that job promotion. As the financial gain is gobbled up by the extra tax you must pay when you fall into the next government tax bracket. Is it a ‘Robin Hood Tax’ , how can it be when the middle classes are relying on these handouts to make ends meet too?

Tax comparison

The UK government collected £690 billion for FY 2017 In comparison the Filipino government collected P1.779 trillion or £ 25.8 billion. If we use this comparison it shows the UK is almost 27 time richer than the Philippines.  We have 66.57 million people living in the UK and the Philippines have 104.9 million. This means they have over 1.5 times more people than us paying about 40 times less tax. The middle classes in the UK are buckling under the pressure of taxes, as their wages year on year are not keeping up with inflation and the taxes are increasing every year. Most working families in the UK are on what we regard as the poverty line Hence ‘family tax credits ‘and housing benefits but compared to how people live here, they are rich beyond belief. When I tell people here what the unemployed receive as a package, the free house, car, hospitals, schools, and pretty much everything including cash handouts they just can’t believe it. Most of them said to me, if they got those kinds of benefits here, nobody would go to work!! They asked me why I bothered to go to work in England, I guess the only answer is my pride, in the vain hope of bettering myself after paying 60% of what I earned!! There are only two winners in the UK, the very rich and the unemployed with a family.  By the way just one example, you know why Duterte does ’t increase VAT from 12% to the same as the UK’s 20%, because he knows this would financially crucify the poor people that live here.

Jobs

Even the best paid jobs here are poorly paid compared to the UK and the workers don’t seemed to have any rights. I have relations here who are public servant and there is plenty of times when they don’t get paid on time, could be as much as 3 months late. Private sector is even worse, so it begs the question how do they survive. The answer is they turn to pawn shops or money lenders at high interest rates. Unlike the UK where we get paid on time and lavish free money on the unemployed. They can’t starve though, you can always gather food from the jungle and the climate is such that you won’t die of hypothermia at night if you sleep on the beach. The UK in the middle of winter, if you had nowhere to live you probably would die of hypothermia at night and there’s no jungle to get free food from. Because the jobs here are low paid the employees drift from job to job, and when they want to leave, they don’t bother to let the employer know, they just f**k off. This happened to me twice, I employed guys to look after my pam boat as it is fitted with a lot of expensive gear. When they got fed up with the job they just left without telling me and the boat was at the mercy of anyone who wanted to help themselves. I could understand this if I was unfair to them or they didn’t know me but one of them was my brother-in-law and the other was a good friend (I thought) who I had advances considerable money for hospital treatment he needed. The reason they do this is their pride and they feel shameful to come and tell you they are leaving. Average jobs in the UK on the face of it appear to be well paid, but when you factor in the taxes you are really working for the government for 7 months of the year. The UK government need these tax receipts to fund all the free stuff like hospitals, council houses, free schools, benefits to low paid and jobless families. Over here they do get ‘poor piece’ from the government which amounts to P1500 a month for the mother only. The mother gets P1500 and every child gets P1000 a month. Therefore, a family with 3 kids gets P4500 or £66.95 a month. This only lasts three months, then they are on their own! Could you imagine what would happen if that’s all the unemployed in the UK got this to live on.

Driving, Roads & Traffic

You know in England people spend a lot of time and money getting a driving licence for a car or motorbike. Sometimes sitting a test several times before we make the grade. Everything is done in a precise way because we know it would be dangerous otherwise. Our police enforce the law of the road in a very strict manor to ensure the roads are safe to travel on. Here the complete opposite is true, first the police have no jurisdiction on transport, this is done by a separate government body called the LTO (Land Transport Office) They don’t seem to have enough resources behind them and consequently most people flaunt the law. Driving a car here is frustrating, when you park up inevitably the Filipino will park their motor bikes inches away from your front and rear bumper. This is because your vehicle is offering shade for their bike seat from the sun, plus most of them have no concept of how much space a car needs to manoeuvre. In the UK, we would be so angry about this we would just knock the bikes over and drive off!! Here you must wait patiently until the owners return, (don’t shout at them) then quickly drive off before someone else takes the space. What you must understand is here the motorbike is king of the road as everyone has one. This is closely followed by the tricycle and then the car, particularly on this Island are few and far between. The way they look at it, your car is taking up parking space that 6 bikes could have parked in (you, greedy opulent bastard) When driving, you must use your mirrors all the time as the Filipino will pass you on both sides. Even if you are executing a left or right turn and your turn signal is flashing, they will pass your car in front or behind. Again, your car is just a complete nuisance to them and you are just getting in the way, remember cars are a lumbering beast compared to the nimble motorbike. Most people on this Island don’t even have a driving licence and it shows when you see the way they drive. Fortunately, unlike England where everyone is in a mad rush, these people travel very, very slowly, most of the time a maximum of 25kph, accidents here are frequent but most of the time survivable. The tricycles are the main cause of slow traffic as they are grossly underpowered, they only have a 125cc engine, but still manage to carry 14 people. (second gear full chat!)

  The road surfaces are extremely poor, the main roads are cement but not laid down with any sort of accuracy and are incredibly bumpy. The rest of the roads are just dirt, covered in potholes and boulders. This is ok for the motor bike but f**king useless for a car, the best thing to have here is a 4x4 truck and driver it slow. I’ve travelled on some of the main highways here and I can tell you, the road surface is crap, they post a 60kph limit and you would be doing well if you could run continuously at that speed. One other point to mention is the ambient temperatures here plays havoc with the cooling systems and lead acid batteries on your car. Most lead acid batteries don’t like temperatures over 25 C and the engine cooling system is always struggling to keep the engine cool. Heat is a killer of all batteries, but high temperatures cannot always be avoided. This is the case with a battery under the bonnet of a car. As a guideline, each 8°C rise in temperature cuts the life of a sealed lead acid battery in half. This means that a VRLA battery for stationary applications specified to last for 10 years at 25°C would only live 5 years if continuously exposed to 33°C and 30 months if kept at a constant desert temperature of 41°C. Once the battery is damaged by heat, the capacity cannot be restored. In the Philippines the battery under the bonnet can reach ambient temperatures of 50+ deg C, therefore the battery life would reduce to 18 months. If a good battery costs P8000, then you are paying P5333 year for a battery!!! To preserve the battery life, position it somewhere cooler on the vehicle, like the boot. Maybe a cooling fan would help increase battery life? The same applies to a boat battery only with the added problem of salt water environment. Not only does the engine have to cope with high ambient temperatures but it is working harder driving the air conditioning on full blast all the time. I can tell you, without air con the interior of your car would reach 60 degrees C in the middle of the day!  (totally un-drivable) I don’t care how good you think your air con system is, nothing is ‘bubble tight’ so you find yourself having to get the system re-charge regularly with Freon. Here in the Philippines there are few garages and mechanics who have the correct charging gear and knowledge to do this properly.  New cars are fine for a while until the radiator gets covered in flies and the battery gets to about 1 year old. Motorbikes are great providing you are on the move but get stuck in traffic and your brain starts to cook inside your crash helmet! Maybe that’s why the Filipino keeps his helmet at home where it will be safe. On the other hand, fuel is cheap compared to the UK, it is running about 2.5 times cheaper, a lot less tax on it. The LTO stop you if you are not wearing your seat belt in the car and issue you with a fine. This is ironic as they turn a blind eye when 30 -50 people ride standing up in the back of a commercial flatbed truck, with completely no safety restraints at all!! (see picture of school trip)

If this truck hits anything, I would like to suggest everyone on board goes ass over elbow into the jungle! I must admit though, the Filipino is extremely patient on the road, nobody gets excited if your pull-out in front of them at a junction or casually decide to do a U turn across a 4-lane highway. In England this would cause serious road rage, people would be getting out of their cars to kill you!! The other thing is nobody complains where you park your car, in England people get very upset if you park your car on the road side outside their house!! Yep they might be shit drivers, but they compensate a 100-fold with their patients. By the way, have you noticed how many times I’ve said the Filipino is patient? We will get to that later, but it makes you wonder why we are the complete opposite. In the UK you must pay for parking your car just about everywhere, failure to do so generates disproportionate fines. Our Borough Councils are the main cause of this closely followed by the big supermarkets.  Since I have been here I have not had to pay for parking anywhere, just like Texas in the USA. One last thing about transport, the Filipino is probably the laziest people I have come across. It’s common place to see lots of people in England walking down the street, its good exercise and saves money on transport. Here, nobody walks, they are in a Jeepney, tricycle, flat bed truck or riding 6 up on a motor cycle.  My wife complained to me the other day for walking into town, she said our neighbours would think we were poor and had no money!! When I ask them why they don’t walk, they just say it’s too hot for that. Hey, they should see the weather conditions we walk around in the UK.

Noise

The Filipino is the noisiest people on the planet!! On the roads all you can hear is horns tooting day and night. They convert their motor bike exhausts so that they make 10 times more noise, very childish. They love Karaoke and where ever you go it’s blasting out. Noise pollution doesn’t mean anything to these people, from their point of view, the noisier the better. So, if you want peace and quiet don’t come to the Philippines!! Don’t think you can complain to the authorities about it, they would just laugh in your face. My policy is, if you can’t beat them, join them, I regularly give the neighbours a taste of 500 watts of my old 80’s music.

They must get fed up with it as most of them are young people, but they never complain. Because there are no noise abatement laws over here the airliners climbing out of Davao airport just fly over built-up areas on full throttle. On the roads all you can hear is car and bike horns tooting continuously. The whole place is a relentless cacophony of noise!! You either get use to it or it will completely drive you mad. By the way, note the lady with her finger in her ear, yes, it’s that loud!!

Smoking

You know what is ten times more antisocial than smoking? Someone who is constantly texting on their mobile phone when you are trying to have a conversation with them! Ignorant F**ckers!  Also, some fat overweight bastard telling you that you can’t smoke here! Why doesn’t he concentrate on getting his own house in order first?

This is my only vice in life, and I enjoy it, I am always mindful though about how it might affect the non-smoker. I go out of my way to be considerate to others before I light up and always try to dispose of my cigarette butt properly. That said, it angers me that the minority in this world are always singled out by society and picked on. As an engineer I can tell you that the biggest carcinogenic air polluter in this world today, is not the smoker, it’s the internal combustion engine. See this article; https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/01/thick-toxic-smog-making-people-cough-blood-bangkok-pollution-crisis-8423277/   Of course, everyone turns a blind eye to this big problem as we all use motorised transport. The car has also become a status symbol’ look at my big car, look how well off I am’ ( F**k Off) Ask yourself this question, which scenario is survivable, being stuck in an enclosed space for an hour with people smoking or the same space with your car ticking over? (the carbon monoxide chokes my thoughts away ..hay hay) Here in the Philippines strictly no smoking in public places (OK)… and no smoking on the streets (why?) As the jeepneys and badly maintained vehicles roar by belching black smoke everywhere, god help us if there is a hint of cigarette smoke mixed in with it!! Penalty first offence for smoking on the street is P5000. You can smoke in your own car, but with the windows up! Oh yeah, what happens to the smoke when you open the door to get out? Non-smokers always complain about cigarette butts on the ground but fail to see all the other litter! The worst litter of all is chewing gum, this stuff stays on the side walk for ever, its durable rubber, full of bacteria! So, here is a product that is legal to grow, legal to manufacture cigarettes from, legal to tax, legal to sell, legal to purchase but not legal to consume. To address the outdoor smoking issue the Filipino’s have dotted around the city small spaces, usually not under any shade, cordon off with some nylon rope. The Philippines are the only country to my knowledge that have invented magic nylon rope which contain the extremely, and I mean extremely harmful cigarette smoke from the rest of the general public. As you inhale another lung full of smog from the traffic spare a though for this poor chap sweating his balls off in the sun! He’s even checking to see if they are still there!

   Can anyone show me on the following chart where the carbon monoxide from cigarette smoking is shown? Carbon monoxide is the main cause of global warming and health problems, I think the people who complain about cigarette smoking should direct their efforts to this problem, its more lightly to kill them in the long run. (See pie chart below)

 Ho, a couple of other things I find peculiar about the anti-smoking campaign:

Why is vaping considered just as antisocial as smoking? it contains no nicotine products and is purely water vapour. It cannot harm anyone around and the smell of it is no worse than the smell of most foods. Yet here in the Philippines, the people who vape must come with me to stand behind the magic nylon rope!!

Why is it considered offensive to even hold an unlit cigarette in your mouth in a public place? How is this going to affect anyone around ?

Personally, I think the anti-smoking has gone too far and is extreme discrimination, which is not tolerated in other aspects of life.

  You know why countries don’t just completely ban smoking? because they are all making vast amounts of tax on it. Last year in the UK, smoking generated £7.6 billion tax, that’s why. Ho , and cost to the NHS for smoke related diseases was only 3.4 billion. This is government income the non-smokers are benefiting from. Personally, I think the smokers should get top priority in the UK NHS as they have contributed a considerable amount towards funding it. If common sense prevails throughout the world, then you must admit this anti-smoking campaign is a complete and utter farce. The draconian rules on it are in place to satisfy the Holier than Thou small minded dullards, who have nothing better to do in their lives except complain about f**k all. (wins votes though) Funny how these people never complain about the shit coming out of their car exhaust! Maybe the cigarette manufacturers should try to emulate the smell of a cars exhaust when the cigarette is burning.

Hygiene

Here in the Philippines hygiene does not rank as a priority. To start with you see lots of them including women, spitting on the street. Toilet paper is not popular in the ‘CR’ instead they sluice their ass with water out of a bucket. You can always tell if a girl has been to the toilet by the wet patch on their shorts or dress. They are not too worried about this as it dries up quickly in this climate. They don’t seem to understand that the ambient temperatures they live in are in the danger zone for bacteria and food. As mentioned above the food hygiene is bad, I don’t eat any street food here for that reason.

 Money & Finance

Planning, what’s that I hear the Filipino saying, money is for spending and then lend some more. Yep, they have no concept of planning probably because they don’t get enough of it for any job they do and are forced to live from day to day. Saying that it doesn’t seem to bother them and most people you see look a dam sight happier than people in England.  Why? The banks over here are not regulated like they are in the UK and charge outrageous interest rate. Of course, that doesn’t bother most people here as they don’t have a bank account. This is a cash economy, full stop! Where the paper peso is king. In a way I don’t blame them from not having a bank account and a bank card, the shit I have had with BDO one of the biggest banks here, you would not believe. Some time ago I used my bank card to make two purchases. On both occasions the retailer swiped my card twice because the first time it didn’t work, the swipe machine also did not print a receipt. Eventually I paid the retailer with cash and got a receipt from both. A day later I was looking at my on-line bank statement and to my horror the bank had taken out both transactions twice from each retailer. I took the receipt to the bank to show them I paid cash and asked them to return my money to my account. Here we go… I had to fill in 4 forms at the bank for each transaction then they had to send it to Manila headquarters. After 4 months they said they had lost this information, and could I go back to the bank and do it all over again!! At this point I got an attorney to write a letter to the bank manager in Davao stating that they must return my money with interest immediately or we will take the bank to court. I then went into the bank a week later and asked the manager if she had received the letter and what she was doing about it. She said she had sent it to Manila head quarters but had not heard from them. I asked her to contact them and find out what was going on. She tried to contact them but could not get through…. This is a branch manager who could not get through so what chance do I have? A week later they reimbursed half of the money back into my account, no interest of course. Up shot was they finally returned all my money after a total of 6 months with no interest and no apology. Now if they did this with a lot of customers I can see how BDO gets its interest free capital to invest. The government just lets this sort of thing go on, unlike the UK where the government ombudsman would be on it like a fly on shit!! And the bank could end up getting some hefty fines. It’s interesting whether it’s a bank or a government body, all decisions are made in Manila while the poor folk at the local branches catch all the flack and can’t do a dam thing about it. The other strange thing here is your on-line bank statement takes 3-4 days to be updated. I suspect, it’s because of the poor internet connection and the bank does not invest in their IT and hardware. I bet their server has a massive buffer it is working through to update the customers statements. This creates a problem as the balance on your statement is always showing more than you have got in your account. The retailers here and services such as taxis don’t carry a float. When you try to pay with anything bigger than 200 pesos note they don’t have any change! I once tried to pay a taxi driver with a 1000 peso note (£14), he had to get out of the car and run around all the shops in the vicinity to find some change. This took him about half an hour while I sat in the taxi waiting for him.  I tried to explain to him that shops, taxis etc should have a float to be able to give the customer change… Nope, they can’t grasp that concept.

 A country of spectators:

This is annoying; the Filipino must lead a very boring life or all of them have a mental age of a 4-year-old, because wherever you go, they are watching you. Reminds me of that song: ‘Why does it feel like… somebody’s watching meeee, and I get no privacy whoo, whoo’

Some examples:

I am unloading my car with previsions to take on my boat…. I get this feeling I am being watched and sure enough when I turn around there are at least 10 people (Adults) just stood there staring at me! Have they never seen a guy unloading his car before I ask?

I am in the supermarket and people are deliberately stopping to look inside my basket to see what I am going to purchase, wonder what is going through their minds’ wow, that’s what a white nose eats!

I am having trouble starting my car, so I flip the bonnet to see what’s wrong, again this draws a big crowd of spectators from the local church, I guess I was more interesting than god. I stopped what I was doing and just stared back at them with a menacing look on my face. No, this didn’t phase them one bit, they just stared at me with blank expressions on their faces!!

I am walking down the street and people across the road stop and stare, shit did I forget to zip up my flies?

The biggest crowd I manged to draw was when I fitted a 2 HP outboard motor to my Banka. (Small boat) There must have been 40 people watching, I shouted in a loud voice, ‘would you like me to sing for you as well?’ They said nothing and continued to just stare at me.

I asked my wife about this and told her in the UK this behaviour would be considered extremely rude, but she told me this is normal in the Philippines, people are just generally nosy. They would not understand why you would get angry about it! In the UK, people would turn around and say to you’ What the f**k are you looking at? You better have a good explanation otherwise it’s goodbye to your front teeth!

Sex & Kids

Yeah, lets change the subject to something more interesting. Like most people on the planet Filipino’s like it and because most of them are not occupied with work, it turns out to be a national past time, hence the number of children produced. I think this country has a population of 100 million, maybe more. People here have children but have not planned how they are going to feed and clothe them; never mind how they are going to afford hospital bills or send them to school. I see lots of kids on the street who are of school age and not at school, so poverty, ignorance and having to pay for schooling really does breed moron’s!! Mind you, that’s also a problem we have in the UK with the unemployed on our massive council estates and the schools are free. Difference is, the poor tax payer must foot the bill over there for those f**kers!! (literally) Just like the UK the unemployed have lots of kids, as this generates more income from the government handouts. I must say this, unlike the council dullards in UK the kids here are very polite and have a more positive outlook on life with less expectations from their parents. Our kids are generally fat and lethargic, where their kids are thin and active, much like it use to be in the UK back in the 70’s. While our kids stay indoors playing on the Nintendo, these kids are playing outside and swimming in the sea, much healthier. Of course, their life expectancy is less than ours, because our shitty NHS keeps people going on a cocktail of pills well into their 80’s. These people just can’t afford the operations and pills, so the average life span is a lot less.

  Finding a partner or wife

Most of the white nose here have retired and are on average between 50 to 75 years old. You are hard pressed to find a white nose who is in his thirties here, as the job prospects are virtually non-existent, so it’s only the retirees who reside here. Now back in the UK men at 50 -75 years old are completely transparent to any woman aged between 17 – 45. What I mean by this is you would have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a young woman interested in you back there. Here in the Philippines you must understand that the women from the age of say 17 onwards see us white nose as security and an opportunity to get them out of the poverty trap. You would be kidding your self if you think that they are interested in you for your good looks and charm. Even when they butter you up and say that they think you are handsome, don’t believe it, what they really mean is, I am in love with your wallet. So, what you find is a lot of old fart white nose end up with a woman /girl that is far too young for them, who are only interested in their money and security. This leads to an incompatibility; mother nature did not intend it to be this way! What I am saying is, the girl wants a different life style to the one you want at your age. They want to go out and party with their friends at the local night clubs all night. You don’t want to do this as the music is not your taste and in any case its all just too noisy for you and by 11:00pm you’re falling asleep. Their libido is much higher than yours and only a man closer to their age can satisfy them.  They want to go shopping and spending their time at beach resorts. You can do this for a while, but it gets a bit much and you don’t really have the energy to keep up. They are always on their mobile phones, chatting to their friends on Facebook or taking picture of themselves all the time. This becomes an irritation to the old fart white nose, who would rather sit down and have a face to face conversation. You find yourselves with two choices, go with them and try to keep up or let them go on their own. Trouble is they are young girls and good looking so you are wondering if they are seeing somebody else their own age. What a ‘clusterfuck’, and don’t forget, if you marry a young girl here, they get to own the property you bought, not you. The problem is that a lot of the old white nose here are like kids in a candy store when it comes to finding a partner / wife.

They don’t seem to use any common sense, it’s just an absolute ego boost for them to have a young girl by their side and in bed. Ok, that’s understandable but you must think of the consequences as mentioned above. The other thing to bear in mind is despite their catholic upbringing, most of the Filipina’s are promiscuous even if you are married to them, you really should not trust them entirely. My wife has cited many examples of people she knows who are married and seeing somebody else! For those guys who have found someone on Asian dating sites, all I can say is this, beware. As it ever occurred to you why these beautiful young girls are on there in the first place and targeting the white guy?  Personally, when I came to the Philippines, I was not looking for a young girl, I chose one who was more mature, and compatible with my age. I eventually married her and so far, I have not had any trouble. My moto is, think with your brain, not your balls!!

Schools

Unlike the UK, these people must pay for their kids schooling, this focuses the mind of the parents to ensure they don’t skip school and they do their homework. The collyrium is on par with the UK and don’t forget the kids have to learn this in English. Most schools teach the lessons in Tagalog or English. The school my girls go to make them speak English all the time. Consequently, the kids here can speak three languages, English, Tagalog and Bisaya, could you imagine our kids being able to do this? That’s another thing I noticed here, the very young kids have a good grasp of language, where as the toddlers in the UK are very poor. This is because parents in the UK are too busy working and don’t have enough time for their pre-school kids, so it’s left to the schools in the UK to shoulder the burden. Here most parents aren’t occupied with a full-time job, so they spend more time with the kids talking to them.

Internet & Phones

Before I tell you about the situation here in the Philippines, I must give you my opinion on this technology. The mobile phone is a fantastic invention but is abused beyond belief!! In the UK deaths on the road caused by ignorant people texting while driving has far surpassed road deaths caused by drinking and driving. If you are caught by the police using your mobile while driving, there is a fixed penalty of £60. The penalty for drinking and driving could result in 6 months' imprisonment, up to £2500 fine or a possible driving ban for three years. It’s the old, old story again, its ok to pick on the minority but don’t pick on the majority! (that doesn’t win votes) Here in the Philippines there is no penalty for using your phone while driving, but P18,000 fine and 5 years in prison for drinking and driving.

Einstein said:

You know, the guy was right, I owned a pub in England and one day a group of young lads came in, they ordered a drink, and all sat down at a table. After a while I noticed they were all very silent looking at their phones and not talking to one another. So, I went over and ask them if everything was ok, one of them looked up and said they were ok, so I said, ‘but you are not talking to one another’, he said ‘yes, we are’!  Today, wherever I go, everyone is just staring into their mobile phones, young people feel naked without them. When I take a group of people on an Island-hopping trip, the majority just stare at their phones all day. They never see the beautiful scenery or even talk to their fellow ship mates, very sad. I have a sign on my boat saying: Please switch off your mobile phone, it interferes with the owner! People have become so addicted to them, they get worried if they don’t work, they are wondering why the person they are texting isn’t answering straight away. They never think that the recipient’s phone could be out of power or phone service range. The modern phone consumes a lot of power because of its big colour screen. On my boat everyone is asking me to charge their phones all the time. Most teenagers only have one hand to do things with nowadays, the other is a perpetual cradle for the phone!! (wonder how they take a shit?) Ask yourself the question, could you live for just one day without your mobile phone? If the answer is no, then I would suggest you are a slave to this technology! (no wonder the phone companies are making a fortune) I have an engineering solution for those of you who are getting fed up with battery life on their phone.  Purchase a 100Ah, truck battery with some good shoulder straps. Buy a phone charger lead and convert the power side with two Crocodile clips. Connect to the truck battery and carry it around on your shoulders all day, bet the phone battery last more than a month!!  Some of the readers are thinking right now, ‘so what, that’s his opinion’ I say, GET A F**KING LIFE PEAPLE! By the way, I don’t have a mobile phone, if you want to contact me, you can skype me, e-mail me, send a letter…. or better still just come talk to me, now there’s a novel way of communicating!

Back to the Philippines: The internet is a big bone of contention for the white nose. It’s what we regard as an essential service but to the young Filipino it’s primarily used for SMS messages and Facebook so not that important. There are two main providers of broadband internet service. Globe and PLDT, both charge about the same and provide a very poor service. The poor speed and occasional black outs are common place, no amount of complaining will change the situation so you just keep on paying to stay connected. President Duterte is angry about this as it is holding back the country to be able to communicate domestically and abroad. I heard him say at one of his conferences, that Globe are ‘Mother f**kers’ . He is inviting overseas companies to come in in and sort out the problem, then he said he will revoke Globe’s licence to operate. Most Filipinos don’t own a computer, it cost too much for them, they do everything on their mobile phones or at the ATM machine. They go to designated retail outlets and load their phones for air time with their provider. This doesn’t last very long and costs them a fortune, surfing the internet is a luxury for them as it is a costly exercise. Most of the time they just send SMS messages as the load would not last 5 minutes if they made a phone call. In a way I do know why the providers don’t offer a contract with these people. In the UK you get a contract with a free up to date phone and very competitive service.  I guess the Filipino would pawn the new phone and buy rice straight away with it. You can stand waiting for 20 minutes at an ATM machine while the person in front of you does all their internet banking on it. I think this is an ignorant thing to do particularly when there is a lot of people waiting to use the machine. Why don’t they do this in the evening when there’s no one around? The ATM machines relies on a good internet connection, guess what a lot of them say on the screen when you go to get some cash!

Power Utilities

Where I live on Samal Island a company called Daneco provides all the electrical power. Most of it comes from diesel generator sets which struggle to run at the correct speed under heavy loads. Consequently, the frequency fluctuates quite a lot from 60hz down to as little as 45hz, you can hear this most noticeably with the air con motors and electric fans. As we all know, when the frequency drops off an induction motors slows down, and they draw more current to perform their duty. This is not good and could burn out the armature windings if this condition persists. Daneco are fully aware of the problem but don’t have the resources to fix it. We also get regular ‘black outs’ for two reasons as one of the Daneco engineers explained to me. First, when we have bad weather and a tree falls on the power lines, this could cut the power for days! The second is more frequent, where people don’t pay their bill and Daneco cuts them off, this usually takes about 10-15 mins. It amazes me how many 10-15-minute black outs we have, this suggests that the Filipino’s don’t like paying for their electricity… perhaps the religious nuts think god provides it free of charge! And god said ‘let there be light’… and there was light .. and Daneco said ‘Pay your bill or there will be no light’! Personally, it gives me great satisfaction when we have the 10-15-minute black outs… another one bit’s the dust ha ha. In the UK, the utility companies must go through quite a legal procedure to cut off someone’s power... human rights again, I love Daneco.

 Hospitals

It’s a far cry from our expensive NHS (National Health System) which last year costs the British tax payer 145 Billion pounds and directly employs over 9 million people. (It’s the biggest employer in Europe) This equates to every man, woman and child in the UK paying £2,166 each or P153,786 each. It’s no wonder the tax in the UK is so high and the NHS still need more money and resources. The Filipino can get help from the government with ‘Philhealth’ which covers them for a measly P14000, (£197 a year) after that, they must pay! Having said all that, their A&E is fantastic compared to the UK, here there is no waiting to get seen by a doctor. In contrast, you must wait for hours in the NHS unless you are bleeding to death!! It begs the question. are the British the sickest people on the planet or is the system being abused because it is free at source? I think it’s the latter, again if you must pay for a service it tends to focus your mind. The doctors and the rest of the staff are very professional here, but the hospital and equipment look out dated and worn out. You must pay for all your prescriptions and a long-term illness like Diabetes can cost the Filipino a fortune. Guess that’s why a lot of them die from the disease. Most people here take out loans to pay for relatives who are in hospital, which puts them further and further in dept.

  Police

As mentioned above, no judication over road traffic, but overall do a very good job with their limited resources. Like our police in the UK, they are very courteous and helpful but with the exception, they can be bribed. The only complaint I have as a Britt is that they carry a gun, just like most other places in the world. Wonder when the rest of the world will fall in line and get civilised about this? I once had an American ask me how our police make an arrest without a gun. I explained to him that our police would tell your mam if he didn’t come along quietly! On this Island the police have some powerful motorbikes as a car would be useless when chasing assholes on motorbikes through the jungle!!

 Garbage collection & pollution

This is a complete joke compared to our sophisticated system in the UK for waste management. On this island the barangay (Borough Council) have set up small bamboo huts where people are supposed to put their garbage for collection. Well the people do …sort of, you find most of the garbage around the hut, not in it, lying there for the vermin to chow down on. Failing that they just throw the garbage in the jungle or the sea… back to laziness. It’s such a shame as they have some of the most beautiful surroundings on the planet. Again, here in the Philippines there doesn’t seem to be any penalties for this behaviour, so people get away with it. As I sail along in my Pam Boat between Davao city and Samal Island there is a plethora of plastic bags, bottles and you name it, floating in the beautiful turquoise sea. God knows how many times I had to stop and remove stuff from the propeller, it a disgrace! This problem is indicative of a country that has no money to spend on waste management, they have bigger problems to sort out, like poverty and crime. But just listen to me, I am sounding like a whinging white nose when in fact it is the first world countries that are the biggest polluters by far! Let me give you a simple example: most people on this Island only have a 60-watt light bulb and an electric fan, those with money may have a 350-watt karaoke set. They cook their food over some sticks out of the jungle and if they can afford it, they have a 125cc motorbike. So, from a carbon foot print point of view here’s the facts:

Filipino burns: light 60 +Fan 50 +Karaoke 350= 460 watts, ride 6 up on a motorbike.

Average family in the UK (three-bedroom semidetached house) burns:

Lights 1000W, TV 300W, computers, sound systems400W, refrigerator250W, microwave1500W, electric water emersion heater 2000W, hair drier 1500W, electric lawn mower 750W, electric drill 750W, electric jet washer1300W, electric kettle 2000W, electric food mixer 150W etc etc

Gas cooker 9kW

Gas Central heating Boiler 30kW

Car 50kW- 120kW depending on the size x 2

So, where the hell, do we think we are getting all this power from? That’s right all our power stations are running full tilt to supply it, burning huge amounts of fossil fuels like gas or coal, the carbon emissions are outrageous! I keep hearing from our government that they want to phase out diesel and gasoline powered cars in favour of electric powered. What good is that going to do for the environment? The fossil fuel brunt’ will simply be transferred to the power stations with the added extra fuel required to transmit the power across the grid to the charging stations for the vehicles!! The governments just use the adage, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ don’t they ever consult with the engineers and scientists of this world? It’s so bad in the UK we must import electricity from France otherwise our lights would go out. Most families in the UK have two cars where over here the whole family rides on their 125cc motor bike. Ask yourself the question, who are the biggest polluters on the planet? Yes, so let’s stop being holier than thou with these people and get our own house in order first, we really are a bunch of hypocritical bastards. By the way, I am using the mealy mouth UK as an example on household power consumption, you should see how much an average family uses in the USA. Besides their enormous gasoline guzzling cars, their houses are energy gobbling beyond belief. When I lived in Texas, I remember the air con was on virtually all the time!

 You know, the USA consume about a 20% of the planets power resources to satisfy their opulent life style. Just compare the tons of CO2 per capita on the chart below. Even Canada is not the cleanest country you might think it is, compared to the Philippines.

    Nevertheless, they seem to have the most activists on planet rubbishing other countries, regarding global warming, it’s ironic!! I remember President Bush Jr, saying at the Kyoto conference, the USA will just simply plant more trees to soak up the CO2 emissions the US produces… Ho yeah! What a numskull.

We should be using hydrogen as our primary fuel!!

It’s in abundance on this plant, trapped in the water, we just gotta figure out a way of extracting it economically, the by-product after burning it is water! I dare say this technology already exists but is kept under wraps because governments & oil companies, make a lot of profit and tax on oil, how the hell would they go about taxing water? Consider this, the first world countries are hanging by a thread, if oil prices go up or dry up due to demand out stripping production it would have disastrous effects.  Economies in the first world, would collapse overnight and there would be anarchy on the streets!! The USA and the UK are very mindful of this, hence the 2 Iraq wars where we hung our hat on Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction. They never did find these weapons but did secure the cheap oil we all enjoy today. Notice the second time we went in, we secured the oil fields first so that Saddam could not set fire to them! I remember in the UK, the oil tanker drivers went on strike for only 4 days, England almost came to a grinding halt. Supermarket shelves were becoming depleted and fuel for vehicles was rationed to only essential personal and services. We are all fossil fuel junkies, the average Filipino would just reluctantly walk everywhere, instead of riding his 125cc motor bike and burn candles at home. The electric fan and Karaoke not working would just be a bit of an inconvenience, and in any case, they are used to frequent black outs!

Animals & Pets

The Filipino’s are very religious people, primarily Catholic’s, they believe they have a soul, but animals don’t. They believe god put the animals on the earth to be used and eaten, that’s it. If your neighbour kills your dog, you have no legal recall. If you see someone hurting or even torturing an animal here, you can’t do anything about it. Here there is a voluntary group called the Philippine Animal Welfare Society is a volunteer-based, non-government organization whose goal is to prevent animal cruelty through education, animal sheltering and advocacy, based in Quezon City. They have no teeth to bring legal prosecutions and, in any case, the legal system is not very interested. They have managed to make some prosecutions, but the fine was poultry. In the UK you can prosecute the bastard and he might serve time! yes in the UK animals have rights. Heaven must be a boring place for the Catholics, devoid of all other life purely because it has no soul! Can you imagine a place without birds, cats, dogs, horses, fish etc etc, what a boring place it must be? I have been whiteness to a few pigs being dispatched and turned into leachon (Hog roast) which is the favourite food of the Philippines. I owned 4 pigs at one time, two of them were eaten at my wedding and the others were used for birthdays. All of them were dispatched and butchered in the jungle in a very professional manor. First the pig is tied and laid down on a table, it is calmed by scratching its belly. Once the pig is calm, they slip a very long sharp knife into its throat and up towards the heart. The pig seems to feel nothing, it just lies there bleeding to death. They collect the blood until the pig is dead, then proceed to immerse the pig in boiling water. This helps to loosen the hair on the skin so that they can clean it toughly. At this point people come from everywhere out of the jungle with big pots and start boiling water over some burning sticks. They then start to carefully gut the animal, taking out all the major organs and distributing them amongst the local people. These parts are boiled in the pans and eaten straight away. The blood is turned into a blood sausage kind of soup, which everyone has a share of.  Aim thinking, ‘hang on a minute, this is my pig’ but I have no say in the matter, this is local tradition. Anyway, when they get through with this they stick a big galvanised scaffolding pole up its ass and out of its month ready for the roasting. This is done over coconut charcoal and wood which takes 1-3 hours depending on the size of the pig. On completion they get big banana leaves out of the jungle and wrap it up ready for transport to the event. Back to pet’s, unlike England where we keep out pets indoors, theirs stay outside. We bring ours in because in the winter they would probably die of hypothermia. They don’t make a fuss about their pets the way we do, and it is rare to see a Filipino walking his dog. Remember I said they are lazy people so walking the dog is not an option. Most dogs on this island are free to roam around, generally in packs until the Barangay regard it as a public health hazard. Because of rabbis over here they must do something about it, so they collect up the dogs and dispose of them in the jungle! (club, club, bang, bang) This has happened to some of my wife’s family dogs but no matter they just get another puppy and go on. Furthermore, on a rather disturbing note, three little puppies belonging to my in-laws were killed yesterday. They all laughed as they told me that one of their 3-year-old kids sat on them until they were dead. I was looking out of my bedroom widow one day and saw a couple of kids with a chicken, they were throwing it up in the air and then proceeded to push a twig up its ass. Sounds funny but the chicken didn’t seem to think so. I stopped the kids from any further torture but resisted doing the same to them as this is a crime in the Philippines.

Engineering:

I must cover this subject as an engineer I find some fascinating comparisons with the UK. First, most of the British mechanical engineering disappeared in the early 80’s. An end of an Era, I am sure a historian can explain to me, why a county like mine, once the most powerful on the planet due to its engineering prowess, ends up this way. I often wonder why counties like this one never evolved at the same rate, I guess necessity is the mother of invention as Mr Winston Churchill once said.  The shipyards, steelworks, coal mining, and car manufacturing was decimated primarily by the Labour party and the strong unions. Most of these industries were nationalised but the Labour government did nothing with regards to investing in these nationalised companies to keep them competitive. Instead they kowtowed to the unions to a point where there was more and more strikes and less productivity. A newspaper in the UK called the News of The World, once got into British Leyland (Our big Nationalised Car Company) one night and took some great photos of workers sleeping on the job. Back in the mid 70’s when I was working in the shipyards we seemed to be on strike over the most stupid reasons virtually every month. I refused to join the union and one night in the car park I was threatened by a couple of big thugs that suggested I might want to re-consider, as they said it would be a shame to lose my good looks and have my car smashed up! (The democratic Labour Party!) In the yard I would say only 20% of the work force did any work while the rest of them sat around playing cards and sleeping. They knew their jobs were protected by the powerful unions of the time. When Margert Thatcher became prime minister, it was too late to save these outdated, over maned, low productivity companies. Furthermore, they were costing the taxpayer a fortune and the products coming out of the door were shit! (a car called the Austin Allegro comes to mind) She offers management buy out to sell it off but guess what, nobody was interested. I lived through these times where we all sat round candles at home because there was no power due to coal miners on strikes. The country had to power share, and this led to a three-day working week which let’s face it did nothing for productivity. It’s interesting looking back, the communist labour party and their supporters, even today, blame Margret for the demise. They all have conveniently forgotten about the winter of discontent under Jim Callahan’s labour party and how the country on his watch was brought to its knees. Anyway, when you look around this place you can find small to medium size company’s doing some good engineering. It reminds me of the good old days where you could get anything made in the UK. The big difference here is none of them can read an engineering drawing due to lack of education and no formal apprenticeships. I stopped producing engineering drawings for parts I want and instead produce a 3D drawing with dimensions on it. It gives me great pleasure to see something tangible produced rather than the situation in the UK with all those call centres, mobile phone shops and marketing firms. Be advised, due to lack of money here a lot of things are maintained on a shoe string, so second-hand cars and boats require great scrutiny before you buy them.

Summary

After reading all this you are perhaps wondering why the hell do I like living here? To understand this, I must tell you a bit about my life in England. I lived mainly in the North of England where the weather is crap seven months of the year. low grey cloud, raining, snowing or hail stones is the norm with usually a cold cutting wind to complement it.  As mentioned, I started work in the shipyards back in the 70’s, during the winter months I hardly ever saw the sun. I remember one day I was wiring up a distribution box for the radar, on the mast of a super tanker which is 30 metres above sea level. The snow flakes were traveling almost horizontal with a cutting wind speed of 30kts and a temperature of -5C.  My fingers were turning blue and I was losing feeling in my feet, it’s at this point you have to ask yourself ‘what the F**k am I doing here? I could go on and sight more examples of the inclement weather conditions in the UK, but I think you get the point. I am a guy that likes out door activities, like riding a motor bike, power flying and gliding. I love sailing, wind surfing and swimming, all these require just one ingredient that’s in scarce supply in the UK…. Nice weather! The amount of time and money I have wasted in the UK trying to pursue these activities due to the shit weather. Its no wonder football and rugby are our national sports, you can play this in any weather and all you need is a ball. Guys in the UK use to say to me because I wasn’t interested in football ‘you’re not a sportsman are you Nige?’ The cheeky bastards, all they use to do was sit on the couch with a beer in hand watching their game, while I actively participated in mine!!  Remember I was saying the British kids just stay indoors and play on their Nintendo’s, well I wonder why? The Australians are right to call people from the UK ‘Whinging Poms’ , we are probably one of the worlds most discontented people and are always complaining. Due to, paying high taxes and the cost of living, most people in the UK are wound up like clock springs. Both man and wife work like dogs to pay the mortgage and the rest of the bills… and for what?  Most of them live in tiny three-bedroom houses with a small car in the driveway and a big overdraught in the bank. It’s no wonder they are aggressive towards each other and generally sick of there lot. Divorce is prevalent in the UK due to these stresses and the poor kids just compound the misery further. I was weighing it up the other day, a family with two kids in the UK need to be making about £60K a year minimum to live. That’s an absolute fortune here in the Philippines, currently PHP 4, 200,000. The same family here needs only PHP 300,000 a year to live. Just before I left the UK I was renting a property, this is what I paid for a roof over my head:

£1,300.00 a month for Rent (due to the miserably expensive housing situation in the UK)

£46.00 a month for Water (reasonable)

£230.00 a month for Electricity (rip off)

£310.00 a month for Gas (always running the boiler because its so cold in the UK)

£203.00 a month for council tax (refuge collection and more parking meters)

I now pay a total of £204 a month which includes electricity and water for a bigger house which is about the same as what I was paying in the UK for council tax!!! Here’s another example, I bought a brand-new Honda motor bike here for P86,000, the exact same bike in the UK is P284,000. why? Because of our massive import duties. We should really call England, Taxland. Finally, on this subject of tax, as a smoker I am winning big style, a packet of 20 cigarettes in the UK is around P1000, I only pay P70 for a pack here (up yours, non-smokers). Holy mother, the UK is expensive!!  By the way, UK stands for United Kingdom… wonder how long that’s going to last? UK is currently going through Brexit… wonder how that’s going to pan out?  So now, I live here, where it is only a fraction of the cost to live, the weather is good every day all year round. The people although poor are friendly, patient and always smiling a big contrast to the miserable, argumentative ass holes in the UK. One point of interest is that I have had no arguments or problems from any Filipino over the last two years. In contrast to my neighbour who is Austrian, who I have had no end of trouble! Guess, wherever you go in the world you just can’t escape from ass holes! When I left the UK between personal and corporate tax, I was paying over 60%. I don’t mind paying directly for things I use, like hospitals, medicine and schools. I’ve always been a firm believer in paying for what you get but not for what someone else gets! As I said above, free at source services only get abused by the greedy assholes of this world. Yes, the services are poor here because the country is poor but that doesn’t mean its crap, it just means you must be more patient and accept it. I have white nose friends here who are always complaining about things, my answer to them is the airport is only a taxi ride away. So, to summarise, I believe this place is a better way of life, less stress, slower pace and much better weather. Your money gets you a lot more and the taxes are far less.  

So:

If you don’t like:

·        Noise

·        Poor hygiene

·        Slow traffic and bad roads

·        Having to pay for schools and hospitals

·        The Bureaucracy

·        A problem with their human rights policies

·        Lack of concern for animal welfare

·        Slow internet

·        Hot weather

·        Religious fanatics

·        Police with guns and corrupt

·        High Interest rates for borrowing

·        And their family values

 DON’T COME TO THE PHILIPPINES

If you like:

·        Friendly people

·        Low Taxes across the board

·        Tough policy on corruption, drugs and terrorism

·        Affordable Housing

·        Affordable utilities

·        Affordable boats

·        Affordable motor bikes

·        Incredibly cheap cigarettes

·        Incredibly cheap booze

·        Corral reefs

·        Good weather all year round

·        Slower pace of life

·        Getting a sun tan

·        Swimming & scuba diving

·        Sailing

·        Flying

·        Good looking Girls who will care for you providing they are of combatable age.

THEN THE PHILIPPINES IS FOR YOU

 Yeah, sure you can cherry pick for a limited time living in a resort or hotel, but the above headings are reality if you want to live here permanently.

Ho, just one final note, I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like I am not as personally restricted as I was in the UK. I feel like some of my personal liberties have been restored living here, I guess life back in the UK was becoming too regulated for me. Will I ever go back to the UK… you’ve gotta be f**king joking?

Thanks for reading,

Nigel

[alexdarke]

Hi! First off, love to you both -- it's been awesome watching your guys' trip through pictures and vids. Second: I've been gravitating towards more queer-oriented art/film/literature lately as I've become more confident/conscious of my own queerness. I just read E.M. Forster's "Maurice" as well as the two-part play "The Inheritance" by Matthew Lopez, and both have left such a lasting impression on me. I'm currently reading "Less" by Andrew Sean Greer and I'm really falling in love with it.(1of2)

(2of2) SO, with taking in a lot of queer literature lately, what are some of your favorite queer literature/film/art/etc. picks that you could recommend? I want to hear more about what speaks to previous generations of (specifically) gay/bi men and learn from it so as to have a better understanding of the community I belong to.             

===============================Put both halves together so it would be coherent. First and foremost: awwww. thanks. :) Secondly: What a great question! I am happy to answer, but I want to clarify that my list will be a list of things that were personally huge for me in my own exploration of my “queerness” and not necessarily a Queer Lit 101 primer (for which I am not very well equipped to provide but know plenty of people that can! :) ) I’ll also try to include a little bit of why each piece was so monumental for me so it can help you gauge if you are interested in looking at it.

Also, bear in mind… I’m still of a generation where things were still a bit bleak and my list relfects that. So much has changed in the last 25 years, it astounds me. Not to say that it is all easy breezy these days, but it’s considerably more hopeful than it used to be on the acceptance front.

With that said, here’s the list!

Writing

The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee WilliamsI loved all of Williams works and was considered kind of strange by my friends for it. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt like he was writing in a secret code that I could just barely make out and if I just stared harder, it would make complete sense to me. I feel absolutely robbed of my own history that it would take until I was in college to learn that he was queer and that so much of the coded language that was resonating with me was an expression of that experience. I earned one of my top acting marks for playing Brick in CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF. They said my physicality was positively divine. A drunk self loathing gay guy who had been in love with his best friend? I wasn’t acting. I was literally living it at the moment. :p

Becoming a Man & Borrowed Time by Paul MonetteI feel like these two books should be required reading in any sociological class that looks at minority lives or queer studies class. Paul Monette documents his life in two segments. The first being from birth until he meets the man that would be his husband. Borrowed Time documents the HIV/AIDS crisis and losing his husband along with so many friends. They are literally like huge gut punches of big, heavy emotional things. But they are so good at documenting where our community was pre-HIV and what happened to literally wipe out an entire generation of gay men that I feel like everyone should read them to just acknowledge this piece of our collective history/story and understand the period from the mouth of a survivor of it. His shorter pieces in other collections, particularly “My Priests” were well worth reading as well.

The Transfiguration of Benno BlimpieA one act play that is deeply disturbing, completely riveting, and utterly shocking in how clearly it lays bare the desire for love and sex as a fat kid and the harm caused by abuse of said fat kid, as we watch Benno buy his family home and lock himself in and eat himself to death. Note, while not specifically gay in tone (it’s more about his weight and quest for love from a world that hates him), there’s a rape scene in it that is pivitol and for many gay kids…including myself…all too familiar.  It’s why the play resonated so strongly for me as a fat kid who survived rape but had to deal with a lifetime of shame around it that almost killed me. This play needs trigger warnings all over it though. Fair warning. :p

Bent by Martin ShermanDirecting this play was literally my coming out in college. A play about a gay man that is made to do something horrific so he can get a Jewish star rather than a pink triangle (because he knows the pink triangles are treated the worst in the camps) is made to do physical labor with someone who wears his pink triangle proudly. The two of them fall in love (and even have sex) without ever stopping to look at each other. There’s a shot of me holding up the pink triangle shirt with a smug look on my face because I was told not to direct this show and I did it anyway and had my actors literally standing toe to toe with blue haired old ladies as they verbally described homosexual sex and had orgasms…. and every performance had standing ovations so I knew I would get away with having done it. :p

Movies

De-lovelyA musical show about the life of Cole Porter that is both incredibly sad and awfully inspiring. Love is a complex emotion and doesn’t always fit inside of the Hollywood script of one man/one woman forever and ever. The Wedding BanquetI’m starting to realize a lot of the stuff on my list is about love being complex. This one fits that as well. A well told story about family and love that is all the more surprising, given the time period it was written in (while states were rushing to ban gay marriage and the Defense of Marriage act was enacted) and I feel like it is completely relevant to today.Check ItThis is actually a really recent film but absolutely deserves a place on this list. A documentary about the gangs of trans and gay kids on the streets of DC who figured out that alone they were vulnerable but together they could rule the streets…and so they do. PrideGod, I love this movie. A brilliant cast depicts the story of one piece of how gay rights came about in the UK. I wish I could show this movie to everyone and make them understand that sometimes it takes being willing to hold your hand out first, sometimes to people that would never have held theirs out first, to really create change.

The Celluloid ClosetA must see documentary that explains our place in cinema up to at least the 90s.

Well, that’s a few of them anyway. We’re about to hit our stop at Kyoto so I have to stop. Let me know if you watch or read any of them and what you thought!

[erijonarexhepis-blog]

CALL IT MOTHER’S INTUITION

SEASON THREE, EPISODE SEVEN ////// PART ONE

Part two, Part three

Masterlist

"They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, they tested my blood and realized I had been poisoned with antifreeze."

"What would you like to say to those who did this to you?"

"I've searched my soul, but there's no understanding any of this. What kind of children try to kill their own mother?"

"That whole interview was an Oscar performance," Nelson speaks up— and Annalise turns the tv off.

"Mr. Duvall," the professor scolds him.

"She's probably not even sick." Nelson turns to his brother. "Jared, back me up on this."

"She's not a nice lady."

"We don't care," Annalise says. "Listen, from here on out, the only feelings you have for your mother are love and devotion."

"The prosecution has forced us into holding depositions before the trial. Their excuse is that Edith can die at any time, so it would be in our best interest to get the case thrown out pre-trial— not an easy task considering the evidence."

"Is it true that you and your siblings exchanged messages about killing your mother?" Michaela asks Nelson.

"We were joking."

"So you're claiming the text," Michaela looks at the document, "—let's cut her head off and boil it in the slow cooker with the chili," she looks up, "—was a joke?"

"If you knew how much mom loves chili, you'd get why that's funny."

"Edith will be present at all the depositions. This is a ploy by the prosecution to trigger our clients into saying something stupid on camera, quite possible considering who we're dealing with."

"So you guys had family dinner at the restaurant once a week. Is that right?" April asks Jared.

"If we didn't show, even just once, we'd be removed from the will."

"Now, Jared, that's an example of a question you might want to just answer with a yes or no. I'm telling you this so you'll understand the full weight of each and every one of your responses."

Jared nods slightly. "Yeah, I understand. Yes, we had family dinner at the restaurant once a week."

"Great."

"I do want to warn each of you that mom is a genius manipulator. Show any weakness in front of her, and she'll use it to her advantage."

"The key to beating this is to make sure the siblings present a united front."

"Is it possible one of your brothers did this?" Laurel asks Karen.

"No. Nelson and Jared both love our mother dearly."

"And you?"

"Of course."

"Really? Even though her pet name for you was Big Kahunas Karen?"

"They need to speak in detail about their affection for their mother."

"I had matured quite early, but she wouldn't let me wear a bra," Karen explains. "Instead, she just came up with the nickname."

"Half Nelson, because she said it fit my below-average IQ."

"Jerky Jared, 'cause she caught me masturbating once."

"This is a woman who read my diary in front of all the employees at a staff meeting," Karen states.

"If she smells blood, she goes in for the kill."

"So, you did want her dead?" Michaela asks Nelson.

"You tell me who did it, and I'll buy him a drink."

"Any of you get some major Keating vibes in there?" Simon asks the other students.

"What are you talking about?" Connor asks.

"A controlling, sadistic power-monger who lies to her kids' faces— verbally abusive."

"Did you just admit you want to poison professor Keating?" April asks.

"What? No!"

Laurel steps forward. "That's what I heard you say."

Wes and Asher side with them. "Me too."

"Me three."

"What a train wreck," Annalise says, walking up to the students. "Whenever you mention the word mommy, they turn into sniveling ingrates. Would be malpractice to put them in front of the camera."

"So what? We file a motion to postpone?" Simon asks.

April shakes her head at his question and answers before Annalise gets the chance. "We find a new suspect, and they'll cancel the depositions completely."

"That's right," Annalise says. "Look into any disgruntled restaurant employee first." She turns away, the students not far behind.

"Wait," Asher speaks out. "If there's no deposition, then there can be no first chair."

"What? You need a prize in order to do your job?"

"We just started studying for midterms, is all."

"All right." Annalise stops and turns to her students. "Whoever brings me a good suspect gets an automatic A on my midterm. Everyone happy?" She walks away.

///

"How’s Frank?" Connor asks Laurel, who just entered the room.

"What?"

"That's where you snuck off to, right?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"You do look a little flush," April states.

"Tell me, does the beard tickle down there?" April and Michaela turn their attention to Asher, silently judging him for asking that. "I'm asking for a friend."

"Did we find a suspect yet?" Wes asks. "The, uh... busboy did not pan out." He glances between the rest of the Keating 6. "What?"

"They think I was just with Frank," Laurel tells him.

"Maybe you were both with him," Connor states.

"Oh, two beards, one girl," Asher adds. "That's hot."

"Actually, it's one beard and one girl," April tells Asher.

"Uh, Frank and I didn't—"

"Did I mention Frank?" April interrupts Laurel— whose expression falters when she realizes that April knows— of course, she does.

"Okay, you know what? Let's not talk about it."

"Michaela, April," Oliver calls out to them from his desk.

"Tell me my waitress is a known black widow," Michaela says as she and April approach Oliver's desk.

"Oh, let my waiter be Graham Frederick Young," April adds.

Oliver looks up at them for a moment. "Uh, no. She moved to Maine six months before the poisoning." He turns to April. "Yours was out of town at the time of the poisoning."

"Are you sure?" April asks.

"He had an alibi. I wanted to show you guys something. Look what Thomas sent me." Oliver shows them his phone screen.

"Hm, I thought I was gonna get to see his penis," Michaela states.

"Uh, no!" Oliver takes his phone back. "Thomas isn't like that. We were talking about how we hate it when guys send flowers, so this is him being ironic. It's cute."

"I thought this was a one-off," April admits. "But it looks like you're falling for this guy."

"You totally are," Michaela adds.

"It's not that serious," Oliver states. Michaela and April share a look before they both grin at him— not believing his lie. "It's not, guys."

"You're a terrible liar," Michaela says as they tease him.

"No," Oliver laughs. "You two are the ones who are serious."

"He's in denial," April states before she and Michaela make their way back to their desk.

"Booya!" Asher jumps up from his seat, startling most of the students. "You smell that, people?! That's the stank of an automatic A-A-A-A! Yeah, Ollie hacked Produce Guy's email. Guess what he sent someone a link to just three weeks before Edith was poisoned. It's an article about antifreeze." He lays the paper down on the table.

"April," Laurel catches up to her. "Can we talk?"

"Is this about you and Wes?"

"How did you know?"

"They don't call me a genius for no reason. Plus, you were very obvious."

"You can't tell anyone."

"I don't care who you have sex with, Laurel."

"So, you won't tell anyone?"

April shakes her head. "No. I won't."

"Okay," Laurel nods slightly. "Thanks."

///

"Hey," April answers her phone. "What’s up?"

"They are reopening the case, April," Anthony says.

April frowns. "What case?"

"They're looking into Christine and Walter's murder."

"... We will figure this out. I'm going to get you out of this, Tony. Don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow."