#i u die i do not care sorry
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alright gamers whats up its ya boi goozdra and today were doing a tinkatok challenge near and dear to my heart, the full revive challenge. [drops a max revive in a full restore and chugs it in front of the checkout]
SOMEONE CALL THE HOSPITAL?!?!?!?!?!?!
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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Both love and hate the absolute DELUGE of ink a fresh sharpie unleashes onto the paper the instant it makes contact…. I have complicated feelings towards the deluge lmao
#pepper words#it might not even only be fresh sharpies idk. I don’t remember… it might always be a deluge#until it starts to die#I use to ONLY use sharpies to draw traditionally for like the longest time. but then I got fancy pens and shit.#that dont piss out all there ink instantly#it’s kinda fun tho.. like it forces you to draw faster. and press lighter. and just. be looser w ur lines#and even when ur being loose it’s STILL making thick as hell lines. but. that’s also kinda interesting..?#idk. it’s kinda fun using them again sometimes. I feel like it’s kinda freeing. u just have to accept what the sharpie puts out#u can only control it so much. u have to let go of that urge for perfection and take what u get#I feel like currently I really struggle w. liking my sketches more than my lines. and trying to replicate all my sketchwork#into my linework… but lines are not sketches!!! so it leads to linework I don’t like either cuz it’s all scratchy and weird#i feel like. 1 I need to learn. to let some pictures just be sketches. like if I like the look of my sketch and wanna keep that loose#conceptual sorta look. to just. not line it. not try to replicate a sketch in lines#and 2! to embrace smoothness in my linework more… to accept my lines. not looking exactly like my sketch#and to not go over every single sketch stroke in ink to try and achieve that.. cuz it doesn’t work!!!!!#and.. uhhh. yeah! I think using sharpies might actually help out w that. cuz u literally. u CANNOT go over them a 100 times.#or trace over every sketch mark. the spread of the ink does not allow it! and if u keep trying it’ll just become a mess#forces me to accept my lines as they are… lines….#ok anyway… sorry for the impromptu sharpie / art dissatisfaction discussion ghghg#sharpies r cool and interesting to work w!!! force me to do things differently i think I like em#but also because I’m so stuck in my ways w lining my sketches they also frustrate me initially ghgh- but who cares if I’m frustrated!#the lines down! it’s done! u just gotta move onto the next one! and boom. whadaya kno#all of a sudden u got some finished linework that isn’t exactly what u put down for the sketch. but it’s smooth and clean and shit!#thats cool lol
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People always talking about "eat the rich" but when i, the Atlantic Ocean,
#yeah sorry but i've just seen a take literally telling someone “you NEED to show empathy!” and i'm done.#do u really care for these people or are you using this situation to prove how morally superior you are by virtue of your limitless empathy#well mine is limited and i'm not gonna pretend otherwise just for humanity points ™#drowning cw#shipwreck cw#death cw#vent#oceangate#ps being disgusted and shocked with what's arguably one of the most horrible ways to die is genuinely valid#and i'm not hoping for anyone's death. in fact i don't need to. they're dead. and i hope the search&rescue crew gets called back asap#but some of y'all sound a little bit like the people crying “it's distasteful to speak ill of the dead” when elizabeth II died
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RYOANZUGIE HEADCANONS!
Hi tumblr. Do you like gay people? I sure do!! this was a style test as i've been very inspired by milkkirie lately and wanted to redo my old ryoanzugie lineup. hope u all enjoy <3 more information + text version under the cut!
anzu kinashi is 17, uses any pronouns but prefers she/it/honk, is genderfluid, pansexual, and polyamorous. short and chubby, very circular. her accessories are usually gold. dresses in bright colors, clowncore kidcore kind of stuff. her and ranmaru are best friends!! in school i imagine she excels in sporty extracurriculars, probably does track or something. my idea of school for them is very americanized so i apologize if anyone doesn't really like that. works as a clown on the side. wants to be a gymnast so she could do some cirque du soileil shit!! she is the sun in their relationship ☀️
ryoko hirose is 17, uses they/she pronouns, is nonbinary polyamorous & a lesbian. tall and lanky. triangles. her accessories are usually silver. dresses in comfortable, loose clothing. lots of blues and greys, they are like a dark academia fairycore kind of girl But make it wintery. If that makes sense?? Best friends with Joe and Sara obviously. i imagine they are like.. a really popular person? Very well known in school, probably on a student council. Would be a teachers pet. i headcanon them and joe WERE dating but was like "i am. a lesbian. Help me?" and joe went "yeah ok i got you IF you help me with sara lol" and fake dated for a little while while ryoko wingmanned for joe. I think the two of them are super good friends and bond over being fans of Samurai Yaiba (ryoko is like reko megafan #1.) they are the moon in their relationship 🌙
kugie kizuchi is 17, uses he/she pronouns, is a transmasc nonbinary lesbian & polyamorous. short and blocky, squares and rectangles. accessories are usually bronze but dabbles in a bit of silver. black, dark, leather clothing, he dresses very punk and techwear. this design is simple but i promise i lean more into the leather jackets and spikey accessories and lots of grungey layers. I headcanon him as kind of .. mean, as a front. Very protective of the ones she loves but doesn't allow those to get close to him; keeps up an icy and distant wall. Other than that she's just kinda perpetually chilling. i think he and ranmaru have a love-hate relationship; they're mean to each other for the joke and most people probably think they hate each other but they're pretty solid pals. I know Kugie is supposed to be like sara (kind, dependable and trustworthy) i think she is dependable and trustworthy but NOT super kind. They're on opposite sides of the personality spectrum. sara is sweet and nice but kugie is blunter and ruder but theyre both still good people. he is the star in their relationship ⭐
thank you for reading and thank you for the love.
#yttd#your turn to die#your turn to die fanart#ryoko hirose#kugie kizuchi#anzu kinashi#ryoanzugie#sorry for the dump of text#i care about them hard#yttd fanart#do u guys wanna see my pinterest boards#ranjoesara soon??????? maybe???
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so fucking sick of the constant misgendering. it's exhausting. even from fellow queer people??????? who know me?????????? HELLO?????????????
#sorry i don't fit ur idea of queer but can u still show some basic respect & decency#pre-covering my hair i was constantly seen as non-binary or as a man or as intersex#and now??????? no matter what#i get referred to as a woman#by the same fucking people!!!!!! preaching “clothing has no gender”#ARE U SURE?????? CAUSE UR SURE AS HELL NOT TREATING ME LIKE I EXIST OUTSIDE MY CLOTHING CJOICES#most days i try to make myself not care but lately i've been realizing just how much i want to die because of how people perceive me#i don't want to change myself#but it's suffocating me#nobody sees me for who i really am except for spouse#and i am so so grateful for them#but when every single other interaction is just#so fucking transphobic and intersexist#i just want to curl up and die#changing the way i dress makes me want to die#getting misgendered for the way i dress makes me want to die#not having a place in the queer community makes me want to die#do u know how hard it is to be disabled intersex queer with DID which means constantly shifting identity#i'm lesbian im gay im trans both ways im ace im hypersexual im aromatic im poly it's EVRRUTHING#and so i fit nowhere#because i don't fit the mold :/#when i say queer in every way i mean it#and there's no real solution outside of finding community that accepts me and i cant even manage to get far enough into one#to even consider bringing up DID & the complexities it adds#cause y'all see someone in a modest dress & head scarf and go WOMAN#or see wheelchair and look the other way or continue booking in inaccessible places or not wearing a fucking mask#or don't want to be seen with someone visibly mentally ill#like..... i cant win. the only way i can get respect from my OWN FUXKJNG COMMUNITY is to change everything about myself#i'm so fucking over it#happy pride month ig
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Some character designs I created for my uni course last year as part of a “trope smashing” brief! I really enjoyed how these guys turned out - I see them as a private investigative pair in a fantasy victorian-esque setting, with perhaps some sci-fi elements. And yes, they’re husbands.
(silly doodle under cut)
#character design#concept art#illustration#orc#fantasy#brains and brawn#i dont think i ever came up with names for these guys BUT i did come up with mad backstory and setting lore#fae mafia my beloved....i will use u in another project#brains guy comes from a noble family off-planet and they all kinda view him as the wierd cousin who's taking his gap year#to do silly little detective stuff#they don't really know and dont really care. they're idle rich hes allowed to be eccentric and not earn anything#he goes home to the big family reunion every space-fantasy christmas and they're all happy to see him#make various affirming noises about whatever case hes excitedly talking about#slight dissaproving sniff at his boytoy stealing the cutlenery Again but theyre FAR too polite to bring that up#(brain knows. he acts oblivious but encourages this. he thinks its hilarious.)#(boytoy= theyve been married for 20 years and counting. his family is STILL hoping its a phase)#(its not these bitches are ride or die for each other)#anyway yeah space fantasy holmes and watson who are gay married and take cases for free purely on the basis of what interests them most.#if they dont like you they charge u tho sorry#brawn has the most insane swimmer physique btw its ALL in the upper torso#rabid dog of a guy who Bites#no thoughts head empty motherfucker#they are so sickly affectionate to each other its unreal. type of guys to constantly do the bit where they pretend to meet each other for#the first time and flirt immediately. you think its sweet until you have to hang out with them for longer than an hour. its insufferable#love them <33#anyway sorry for long tags!!! got carried away#art#my art#digital art
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different anon here, i came here wanting to clarify something but i saw that your reply took the words out of my mouth HAHAH it's funny seeing some of us shippers sharing the same braincells and having similar opinions. love this small community but i hope it gets bigger (wake tf up people!!! are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people on the international jjk fandom to finally start shipping them?!)
the something being that i don't sense any malicious hateful intent coming from either gojo or sukuna. this is a rare enemies/rivals trope imo. like their whole theme is about teaching love and trying to maybe come to a mutual understanding despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides, as they are really just different sides of the same coin. and that's one of the many reasons why i love this pairing. it's not easy to find a non-toxic enemies/rivals dynamic portrayal in media so i'm glad that jjk is an exception.
p/s: i'm an extremely introverted person so unfortunately i won't have the social battery to continue this conversation, but thanks for reading my ask! i really want to interact more with my people bc yall are lovely and have great tastes but socializing drains me so much
YES YES ANON, they really don't hate each other at all. one thing i was thinking about is how gojo doesn't seem to think of sukuna as this malicious Evil thing that other sorcerers (rightfully) make him out to be. he... really hasn't been shown to harbor any ill feelings towards sukuna, even after all he's done.
and their fight is playful, they're playing, they're having fun, it's recreation. sure the fate of the world is at stake here, but that's not what it's about for them at all.
there's not hate, not even dislike, it's simply. well to steal canon's words. love. an overwhelming sense of pleasure, of satisfaction, of fulfillment.
and i LOVE that u mention "despite fate cruelly putting them on the opposite sides" bc YEAH YEAH, that's part of the tragedy of them. there's too many factors outside their own personal satisfaction at play.
and i think there is also a bit of a paradox in there. they're looking for someone with whom to share that solitude that comes at the lonely top. but... that's something i don't think to be possible. sure they're equals, that's the thing, but at the same time, their existences clash just by definition. bc there can't be two strongest. there can only be one.
both can't live at the same time. if one lives, the other can't live by definition.
no one understands them bc they're the strongest, but once they find someone who might be able to—and who does—dont they stop being the strongest?
#sukugojo.post#(but also scratch all that. we are not gonna think about that bc if either of them die i will be inconsolable they can't fucking die bc tha#would make me. incredibly sad. OTL)#gege should just have them marry each other. why can't they just be TWO strongest why the fuck not. The Strongest husbands.#a true power couple#got kinda sidetracked there haha but yeah! i feel we all just a share a collective braincell that gets passed around hkdfjhsd#'are 15 consecutive canon suspicious homoerotic chapters not enough for people to finally start shipping them?!' SAY ITTTTTTTTTT#and i think what sets them apart is that they're rivals on OPPOSITE sides who are not laden with hate.#bc there's a clear cut good-evil dichotomy. we have the good guys and bad guys who are against each other and whose goal is to stop e/o#sukugo are on opposite sides but still hold no sense of hate or disdain or anything for each other.#there's simply regard and expectation and (i'm sorry for saying it all the fucking time but it's true) love.#dhsjfdfs it's almost like they operate on a completely different plane to the others (which well yeah they kinda do as the strongest)#they don't particularly care about that whole thing.#they only care about their position as strongest and what the other can give them in regards to that#jjk#sukugo#gosuku#u know i mentioned once in a post i made in my main blog how gojo only speaks of sukuna in a cheerful reverent way#which was half just me being shippy but this made me think about that#bc ok that could be said to be simply his way of being BUT we DO see gojo show disdain for people he dislikes. very clearly.#he speaks super ill of the jujutsu world higher ups. but he doesn't ever extend that dislike to sukuna#who's u know. the Embodiment of Evil#while gojo may be an outwardly cheery person when he doesn't like u. u WILL know. he's actually quite honest there#and he shows respect for sukuna. considers it an honor to be sukuna's rival.#(tho he IS still a fucking brat <3)#god sorry i will shut up now cshfhaskdjsakffs#alas!!! it's really alright anon i totally get it. u dont have to answer. that's kinda the great thing about asks haha c:#but if u ever wanna talk more about them well the askbox is always open :D#GONNA END THIS BY SAYIGN THAT I AM SCARED I AM NERVOUS ABOUT THE NEXT CHAPTER AAAHHHHHHHH
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#GAGGGEDDDDDD#yay omg yay:)#guys i am going to die#oct 27 2024#no cosnlike. in dreams or whatever WHATEVER#sick to my stomach i've literally been hallucinating delusional etc#u don't understand i'm going to die#LIKE FAVORITE PERSON EVER SORRY#the way i cross my sevens and z's and don't leave a space for the smiley face :|#hope she never knows how obsessedddd :)#oct 28 2024#:| idk it's the only thing keeping me going but also i survived six months#oct 29 2024#giggling twirling my hair kicking my heels looking at my phone get a grip...#. no bc my brain#i am having a terrible day but i love her#being delusional works!#i am SO EXCITED lutkkenekenfksnfn i am so excited i've missed her so much#actually soooo sick and twisted the way my irl ummm what do you call... emotional support older white women are actually the best huggers in#the world like it's not my fault#lik i don't i don't i do not i donut even care !#no thoughts head empty#stoppp cos like building it up in my head based on the past etc etc ...... but it always lives up 2 it & more!#oct 30 2024#cointinuing to be insane 🙏#idk there is something so tender ............#waaaah ok waaaaaaaaaaah i cant#just want to go HOME#want to swim in prelude 4ever#girl who is so so tired and just wants it to be 7:30 east
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"sui bating is wrong no matter what" i do not care. please kys
#moon.txt#i am not sorry for this at all actually. i think its incredibly damaging and naïve to let others get away with doing actually harmful shit#without a care for who they are hurting. there are people who genuinely should die to make the world a better place#and to be honest! i know i am not innocent and may even be a part of the aforementioned group#but unlike so many others i DONT spread lies and rumors and start shit for no fucking reason#literally NAMEDROPPED a friend of mine to spread lies about him as if u actually cared about 'protecting' anyone from him#spoiler alert: he did nothing wrong (besides be an outspoken CSA survivor u dont like)#so yeah! please die actually truly and genuinely
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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think
#.txt#reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way#also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable#forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked#but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like#you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO#and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay#i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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i think i actually owe my life to sony's noise cancelling headphones like quite literally
#its not just them saving me from sensory meltdowns etc#its that when i was like. at the edge of it. like when i was seriously like yeah death means the discontinuation of this suffering and#i want that. like when i was truly like...Wanting To Die. abt to do it. etc. id listen to one song#loudly . w my headphones. and the detail and emotion etc would sink in . and like id just be lost in sound#and then living was worth it again just to hear another song#im convinced if the music quality was any lower and the noise cancelling was any worse i wouldnt be#left alone with the music in the way i was which means i wouldnt be alive#like music saved my life and im sure it saved a lot of peoples lives but specifically the thing that channeled the music to me ..#its an object but i am thankful to it#those were the xm3s and now i have xm4s which r even better but i literally think of those xm3s every day like truly i miss them#im sorry i lost you :( u got me through so much#i took better care of those headphones than i did of any other possession i have ever owned i think#the only imperfection on them after yrs and yrs was a few holes in the fabric from my cat#deciding to make bread In The Headphones once#i stopped her but she still left her mark 😔 but it added charm and a story to the headphones so its ok
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Thinking about the fact that my dad has started a new family 3 times with 3 different women and every time he never wanted me to be a part of them
#sorry im still upset#i dont even feel like his daughter. honestly.#i bent over backwards to help him after his wife cheated on him and moved out and then he had the audacity to say i was only doing it#for financial reasons and didnt actually care literally die i hope u get in another motorcycle accident 🖕#fuck u for only wanting me around when its convenient or u gain something from it UGH
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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol
#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird#this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY#i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it#whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo#i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work#imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason#like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me#ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like#why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean#i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything#i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed#i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame#i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol#also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually#cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj#i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle#i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore#i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable#ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao#im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed#ramblings#shut up cianna
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