#i typed up such a long fricking post i hope this helps someone at least LMFAO

[vaixation]

Can I add something really important?

All three books are 17+. If you are a minor, do not read them.

They're excellent stories with really good characterization, plots, and really in-depth commentary about a lot of things in general, but they really are all 17-18+. Please don't take this as a challenge; they're meant for adults and all three of them have mature topics in them. SVSSS and MDZS have graphically explicit sex scenes (mostly in the extras, but both of these have one in the main story too). TGCF has sexual content but the actual sex scenes are off-screen, just very strongly implied (again mostly in the extra chapters). Even though TGCF doesn't have as much sexual content, it has quite a bit of other triggering topics in it that you may want to watch out for.

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Also, small correction:

SVSSS has 80 chapters, 20 extras, for a total of 100. HERE is a chapter list.

MDZS has 113 chapters, 13-14 extras, for a total of 126-127. HERE is a chapter list.

TGCF has 244 chapters, 8 extras, for a total of 252. HERE is a chapter list.

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Some additional information:

The author is named Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù (墨香铜臭). Most of us just abbreviate her name to MXTX for short. (This isn't her real name, it's a pen name.) All three of her novels classify as both the xianxia (high Chinese cultivation fantasy) and danmei (gay) genres.

And, in the case you're not a Chinese speaker and have no idea how to pronounce the names, you can copy + paste the Chinese text (not the pinyin - the symbols) into THIS TRANSLATOR and hit "Say it" (little blue button above text box) and it will read out the Chinese word / name for you. Additionally, you can search through THIS SITE if you need help with understanding the tones in the names / words. (Chinese has four tones that change the pronunciation - that's what all those little symbols in the romanized text are indicating.) While I haven't found a pronunciation guide for SVSSS, there's one for MDZS here, and one for TGCF here (turn on subtitles - the video has some extra notes in them). (NOTE: I really recommend using the translators I linked however, as both of these guides have some slight inaccuracies to them I've found, but they're very useful regardless.)

All three of her novels are also being officially licensed in English by Seven Seas. While not all of them are out yet as of writing this post, you can see the full RELEASE SCHEDULE HERE. When possible, I highly recommend purchasing the books if you can to support the author. Also, all of them have wonderful story illustrations, character glossaries, a term glossary, and SVSSS even has bonus character art at the end of the two currently-released volumes!

Also, people in the fandom often abbreviate characters' names to the first letter of each individual pinyin section. For example, 沈清秋 (Shěn Qīngqiū) often gets abbreviated as "SQQ" because of 沈清秋 = "Shěn Qīng Qiū"!

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FIRST BOOK (WIKI LINK):

Chinese Name: 人渣反派自救系统 Chinese Pinyin: Rén Zhā Fǎnpài Zìjiù Xìtǒng English Name: Scum Villain's Self-Saving System Abbreviations: SVSSS, RZFZX Main Character: Shěn Qīngqiū (沈清秋) SQQ Main Love Interest: Luò Bīnghé (洛冰河) LBH

Notes: Most people use SVSSS instead of RFZFX when referring to this one (probably because of the alliteration, I'm assuming). It also has a donghua (Chinese animation, equivalent to Japan's anime) adaptation under the name Scumbag System (Chuān Shū Zì Jiù Zhǐ Nán / 穿书自救指南). This takes liberties with the story, including playing up the humor level and censoring some of the more violent details of the story, so take it with a grain of salt! It's very good though; if the animation style doesn't bother you, I definitely recommend it (although it's worth mentioning the fandom at large tends to view Luo Binghe with curly hair, and this version has him with straight hair). Currently, the donghua is only on its first season and is incomplete. (Season 2 when?!)

If you want to read it online, I personally read the MAIN STORY FROM HERE, the EXTRA CHAPTERS FROM HERE (scroll down). I believe both of these sources have the extra chapters in the wrong order: HERE IS A GUIDE TO THE ORDER OF THE EXTRA CHAPTERS, and HERE IS ANOTHER GUIDE (this one is especially good for TWs in the extras). Do note that I think this particular story's online translation isn't as good as its actual licensed version from Seven Seas, and I personally highly recommend reading the Seven Seas license translation above reading this one online, but it's doable, it just might not make as much sense.

Also, this storyline requires quite a bit of critical thinking and reading between the lines. Don't take everything at face value, because the main character is a very unreliable narrator.

I'd also like to warn that depending on the translation you read, I've seen some very ableist language being used (especially in the version of the donghua I watched), so keep that in mind.

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SECOND BOOK (WIKI LINK):

Chinese Name: 魔道祖师 Chinese Pinyin: Mó Dào Zǔ Shī English Name: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Abbreviations: GDC, MDZS Main Character: Wèi Yīng (Wúxiàn) (魏婴 / 魏无羡) WY / WWX Main Love Interest: Lán Zhàn (Wàngjī) (蓝湛 / 蓝忘机) LZ / LWJ

Notes: Most people tag this one as MDZS. Also, many of the characters in this particular story adhere to ancient Chinese naming customs, in which they have two names - the birth name and the courtesy name. The basic gist of this is that the courtesy name is what most folks will use to refer to someone (say, Wei Wuxian for example), versus their birth name (Wei Ying) is reserved for people who are close or intimate with you. However, people can also use this name if they mean to insult you, too, so in Wei Wuxian's case you'll hear "Wei Ying" get used a lot by both people who care about him (such as his future husband, Lan Wangji) or people who really dislike him (basically most of society).

MDZS is the most well-known out of MXTX's storylines, and it has... an absurd amount of adaptations. HERE is a nice and useful guide to all of them. The novel, being the original source, is the most uncensored version, after that it would be the audio drama. You can download and listen to the audio drama from SUIBIAN SUBS. (Please read their rules!) I personally think its donghua (S1, S2, S3) is fantastic though, and heavily recommend it even though, because of Chinese censorship laws, they don't have as much of their romance on-screen (it's still very much there though). Also the animation is absolutely gorgeous. I mean when they zoom into these characters' eyes they literally drew in their tear ducts, okay. It's very pretty! Unfortunately, it doesn't cover any of the extra chapters content, though it is fully complete otherwise!

It's worth mentioning that the live action (The Untamed / Chén Qíng Lìng / 陈情令), often abbreviated to CQL, is extremely different and takes a lot of liberties / makes a lot of changes. In the Chinese fandom, CQL and MDZS are viewed as different things, and it's considered rude to tag CQL into the main MDZS tag. This seems to be more lenient with the western fandom, however.

I personally read it ONLINE HERE. This translation was done by the group Exiled Rebels (as they're the only group that had a full translation completed), and some of the extra chapters + end scenes have a few sentences and things that are infamously mis-translated that caused some unnecessary drama within the fandom, so take their translation with a grain of salt. Seven Seas hired a different translator (Suika, the same one who translated TGCF online) for the job instead of EXR, so I'm hoping Suika handles those extra chapters with a little more care. (Absolutely no salt to EXR, just that their wording can cause misunderstandings, and that's worth noting if you find some things iffy in some of the extra chapters or end scenes!)

It's also worth mentioning, this book has homophobia in it, but it's an in-story thing and not an overall narrative choice from the author. HERE is a trigger warning list for MDZS.

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THIRD BOOK (WIKI LINK):

Chinese Name: 天官赐福 Chinese Pinyin: Tiān Guān Cì Fú English Name: Heaven Official's Blessing Abbreviations: HOB, TGCF Main Character: Xiè Lián (谢怜) XL Main Love Interest: Huā Chéng (花城) HC

Notes: Like MDZS, everyone seems to abbreviate this one as TGCF. Also, don't make the same mistake I did when I first got into the story and misread "Heaven Official's Blessing" as "Heaven's Official Blessing," okay. The apostrophe comes after the second word... The name of this one refers to a phrase that gets reiterated multiple times throughout the story, the full phrase being "tiān guān cì fú, bǎi wú jìn jì!" (天官赐福，百无禁忌！) HERE is a post that explains the meaning more in depth. It's been translated in multiple different ways, but my personal favorite translation is "By Heaven Official's blessing, all taboos are off!" which I think makes the most sense to the story, considering how it goes.

TGCF currently has two adaptations: a donghua (S1, Extra Episode - again, Season 2 when?!?!) and a manhua (Chinese comic, equivalent to Japan's manga). You can actually read the manhua FOR FREE from BiliBili's official website HERE. Note that it also not complete, and after a while there's a timegate system, and then a few episodes that are app-only. The manhua's artwork is by STAREMBER, who is extremely talented. Although this adaptation doesn't do the best job of explaining the story, the artwork is absolutely mindblowingly phenomenal, and it's worth checking out. Additionally, there is a live action for TGCF that is in the works, the name of which I believe is "Eternal Faith."

Personally, for chapters 1-20, I read them ONLINE HERE. For 21 (1) to 25, I switched to THIS SOURCE instead. For 25 to 40, I recommend THIS SOURCE, and for 41+ I went back to the original source I linked. I know that seems like a hassle, but frankly I found issues with a few of the sources as I was reading through them, and it was exasperating to hunt down proper translations. For the bonus chapters... I actually don't know a source to link. I downloaded a PDF and it doesn't have great translations, so I don't think I'd recommend that; good luck with finding a source for the extra chapters if you choose to read them online.

As mentioned before, TGCF is very intense, and in my opinion, has the most triggering content out of the three stories. HERE is a TW guide. There is another one additionally HERE that adds a few things. And here is a discussion on TGCF's age rating. (I would also like to personally add "animal harm" to the TW list, as there are several cases in the beginning at least of some animals getting killed, sometimes brutally. Most of this was in response to said animals attacking the group, but still it's worth pointing out.) Furthermore, there is an overtone of ableism in the story that cannot really be excused by just being in-story. There are also mixed reactions to the cross-dressing that can come off as transphobic, but take that with a grain of salt considering there's an actual genderfluid character in this story who is depicted very positively and is an utter delight.

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Finally, some of my personal thoughts on the optimal order of experiencing them:

I myself read them in the order of MDZS -> TGCF -> SVSSS, and that's the order I would recommend to people, but that's just me. MDZS is a really good starting point because it's the most popular and it's most accessible + has the most information floating around for it, I think, and while yes, it does kind of just throw you into ancient Chinese cultivation shenanigans, I think due to the amount of information floating around for it, it's not too hard to follow if you just take things slowly. The donghua is a great starting place if you want to test the waters to see if it's the kind of story that vibes with you, but the book itself goes into MUCH more detail that will explain a lot of key plot points that got rushed at the end of the donghua, I think.

Secondly, TGCF is much more in-depth / complex than MDZS, and over twice as long, so it can be a large undertaking, but it's a very rewarding story. I heard some people say if you read TGCF before you read SVSSS, don't even bother with SVSSS - but I have to STRONGLY disagree with that because I read SVSSS after TGCF and I was glad / thankful I read it in that order. There's some content in SVSSS that, for me at least, required some faith that the author wasn't putting in certain scenes just for shock value and that she had a very good reason for them being there, that if I had seen SVSSS first I admittedly probably would've given up on the book at a certain point. (SVSSS in my opinion, is also the most-deserving of a second read, because I think the entire story changes when you know what's really going on, and it's very eye-opening the second time around.)

Again that is just me, but personally I'm very thankful I read TGCF before SVSSS for this reason. TGCF and SVSSS also have a lot of shared themes between them, and some topics that could be controversial if taken out of context. (For instance, in SVSSS the two main characters have an age gap - however, MXTX actually handled this extremely well, and without spoiling anything, it works out JUST FINE - and I might not have had faith that she was going to do this respectfully if this was my first exposure to her as an author. Having seen how carefully she treats her world and characters from both MDZS and TGCF made me a lot less overly-critical over some of the things happening in SVSSS by comparison.)

Also, all three of her stories are fantastic. I personally like them all equally, and very strongly at that, but they all have different vibes and they might not be for everyone. Which one is the "best" story often depends on what vibes with you the most (ie. do you want the most romantic story? Go for TGCF. Do you want all the DRAMA and ANGST? SVSSS is your best bet, etc.)! All of them can be intense and have triggering content in them (like, for instance - all three of them have torture in them), but MXTX doesn't write this in for shock value; they all have reasons to be there. She also has some VERY GOOD motifs that span across all three of her stories, and all of her stories make you think a lot about deeper things. They're ALL very good and 100% worth checking out if the TWs won't upset you. (Personally, I had multiple anxiety attacks reading TGCF and I'd still wholeheartedly recommend it, I think it was very much worth it, but that's just me - do judge for yourself what you think your limits/boundaries are, and like OP said, do not push yourself to finish something if it's genuinely upsetting / distressing / etc. even if they're good stories.) They're all very complex and fascinating in their own ways, and it's clear MXTX puts a lot of love and care into what she writes and creates!

And as a final note (possible spoilers):

All three of them have happy endings. I'm putting this here because I was personally worried about the "bury your gays" trope, since it's such a homophobic trope, and as an LGBT+ person I'm so tired of it + exasperated, but all three of the main couples wind up very happily and canonically married by the end of the stories. So if you're worried that they're not going to end well, they do! I think, personally, that's a huge relief to know since it very much is a LGBT+ concern and all three of the books are gay / LGBT+ stories, so.

If you do decide to check them out, good luck! (Especially with TGCF because it's so long haha LOL!) Hope any of this helps you (or anyone else...). :D

(No but really LOOK how long the word count is for TGCF, y'all. What the heck...)

hi I’ve decided to trust you with media opinions bc of ur rockin art and bodacious posts. if I was theoretically* interested in reading the mxtx novels and haven’t read any yet, what order should I read them in? thank you for your help 🙏

*this question is not theoretical at all

First of all, thank you for liking my posts!!! ^^ I'm glad you're interested in reading the books hehe!!

I would personally recommend reading them in order of publication (Scum Villain's Self Saving System > Mo Dao Zu Shi / Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation > Tian Guan Ci Fu / Heaven Official's Blessing) for a few reasons:

- The first book, SV, establishes a lot of the author's opinions on writing itself, world-building, themes, etc that are important to understand in the latter works.

- The second book, MDZS, further establishes a lot of themes of society that, imo, lay the foundation for some events in TGCF.

- There's a visible shift between focus across the 3 books: SV is mostly character driven, MDZS is fairly mixed character/plot driven, and TGCF is mostly plot driven. If you're new to danmei/Chinese media in general, it's very easy to get lost in the grandiose plots and extensive worlds that the latter series drop you into. I personally found that SV is an especially good onboarding point given that it's such a meta book, so there's a great deal of footnotes and narration* regarding common tropes/structures that are played straighter/assume prior knowledge in MDZS and TGCF.

*However, I believe all the official translations feature footnotes and glossaries, so hopefully you won't get too lost regardless!!

- Along with focus, the scale of the books' settings definitely increase as the series go on; SV has the least amount of important characters/locations, MDZS focuses on a considerably larger cast and world, and TGCF goes even beyond that.

- Lastly, the length of the books goes up considerably the farther you get down the line! SV is only around 100 chapters, MDZS is something like 200, and TGCF is like 500! So if you have any doubts or want to give yourself a way out in any way, definitely would recommend starting with the one with the least required investment.

However I will say that you can honestly read them in any order you'd like! Majority of people these days start with MDZS because it's the most popular, and though it's a bit rarer, I've seen people start from TGCF as well. Ultimately just go for the one that interests you the most and work from there! You don't need to read them all either, and definitely check out tw lists before you start them! Always prioritize your personal health over completionism ^^

Hope you have fun reading though! And if you have any other questions, feel free to send another ask!

[gukptune]

user: 95mochibuns → jimin

↠ Pairing: jimin x reader

↠ Genre: camboy!au, streamer!reader, smut

↠ Warnings: explicit language, cute but dangerous jimin, masturbation, teasing, edging, more of a clean smut

↠ Words: 3.3k

↠ Plot Summary: not much could be said about a camboy who gets himself into trouble with a streamer he admires.

↠ a/n: possibly a part 1 of 2. This has been sitting in my draft for a long time. Hope you enjoy it, it’s not GREAT but it’s cute. Second part will be much better!

Frustrated, infuriated and annoyed, all these words meant the same thing but they’re the only things that crossed your mind but of course you couldn’t show it not right now.

“Honestly, I knew this game was difficult and no, I will not wear the chicken hat. Never,” you announced, your voice coming right back at your from your mic to your headphones.

Keeping that quick witted and mischievous persona that all your viewers came to you for.

Comments rolled in with tips and tricks but of course most of them weren’t helpful, your eyes were automatically glancing over the sexual comments and what not, saying shit like your aspirated groans and whines at the game was hot.

Then a tip rolled in and that wasn’t normal by any means, your tips were of high price ― 20 for a tip was just ridiculous but it stopped a lot of stupid kids commenting. You had loads of subscribers and make a lot from this yet streaming and gaming wasn’t your job. You didn’t want to make it seem that way either because you were still in the end a student.

The tip popped up with your tip icon, blinking with the sender’s icon ― a bunny? 

“All these kids commenting that you suck should fucking stop commenting anonymously like the fucking *shilantropussies* they are.”

You were looking at the sender as you chuckled, “Exactly, jbunnyjeon.”

Of course it was nice to point out people’s names when they tipped because funny enough most of the tippers live for that shit. You were streaming one of the less popular games mostly so you could play it because well you don’t stream for other people but for yourself.

Playing Metal Gear Solid could’ve been a mistake, since this game was a drag in time and effort. Yet, a whole lot of male viewers loved seeing girls play ‘manly’ games, whatever.

“Anyways, I still don’t get why we need this guy with us but I got him,” you commentate as your character, snake, hauled your capture onto the back of your horse.

Finally, you got past the stupid robot. 

“Congrats :( that part took me *days* ― legit was about to kill myself.”

A comment by a fellow streamer, it popped up larger than most since you both were mutuals.

“Jeez, you fucking suck Tae,” You teased, imagining his reaction to everyone seeing how you played better than him. Since, he was a self proclaimed pro-gamer.

You leaned back in your chair, watching yourself on the screen to your left through the cutscene. Seeing all the comments which made you chuckle and respond to some through text. You weren’t one to talk through cutscenes at all.

As things seemingly were going smoothly a buzz through you phone made you groan, if someone was fricking texting you at 9 pm you were about to kill them because there were multiple and they were loud.

Out of frame of the viewers you flipped your phone over, it immediately unlocks and you scroll to see the notification.

95mochibuns is going live!

95mochibuns is going live in 10 minutes!

Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes lock at the time. It was really 9 but fucking 9:50.

95mochibuns announcement! 

Hey guys! A spontaneous live coming up, something special - feeling horny and fucking hard. Hope you can all join me tonight! 

Entry is at 10 on the dot, only those who click in time can view. Testing out something new, maybe you guys will like it. I’ll be able to see your comments easier since it’s exclusive and limited.

Did I mention there’s only 35 slots, :) I love you all.

Oh fucking hell. Were you really going to drop your stream to watch his. Were you going to pretend to have a great reason to stop the stream now, lie to your audience to watch this camboy jack himself off.

Fuck yes.

Letting out a cough, you turned back to face the camera as your phone slips up into your hand, “Urgh, hey guys― I think I’m getting tired.”

"I’m so going to have nightmares about this game tonight, hope you all enjoyed,” you smiled softly, giving your audience the best worn out expression you could. Waving your hand at the camera, seeing comments of those saying ‘goodnight’, or saddened emojis and you know the typical ‘don’t go’ or some mean comments.

Winking at the camera before you shot hearts, “Thank you so much for tuning in on tonights stream! Metal Gear Solid Ep. 24! See you all, next time. Much love!”

Clicking off you let out a sigh, stretching out your back and feeling the cracks moaning at the release. Shit, you’ve been sitting in the same spot for hours, your back was killing you. Twisting and turning trying to pull out all the cracks and tightness you peered at the time on your desktop.

9:54 it was. You had 6 minutes to get on his page and wait, you knew it was going to be war and you were going to be refreshing like your life depended on it.

On the cam website and app, called ‘weheartcam’, it was one of the best in your opinion. The website only took amateurs and didn’t take companies or businesses streaming on their site, only independent streamers, how lovely.

Though Jimin, 95mochibuns, was one of the most popular boys apart of this camboy trio. Made up of himself and his two friends, though you only watched Jimin― something about him makes you just drool.

His fluffy blonde hair, muscular thighs, ripped body- fuck, he was just a korean boy who knew his ways around people of all countries. His english was amazing, he slips his native tongue every now and then, making him even hotter. 

95mochibuns is going live in 5 minutes!

Holy―fricken―fuck. Was it anxiety, you were going to cry if you didn’t get to watch. You ended your stream for this boy, you felt like you were trying to get concert tickets or something.

You clicked on the bookmarked page you had favourited, that directed you right to his page. 

On the videos page, you propped your leg up hugging a knee close to your chest to get comfortable.

Seeing his array of very explicit thumbnails, of which one of them was blurry― for tonight. Plastered over the image, ‘Coming Soon’. Oh yes, he was going to be coming in many ways.

Here you are, playing the waiting game. Being a well traverse streamer of course you internet connection was legit and you had faith in yourself... as much faith you could have when you know at least ten thousand people would want to be watching. He gets at least millions on each of his streams and well whenever there was a live he had more than a hundred thousand watching when it’s on. Though, there were the occasional people who joined instantly and that was the ten thousand super fans.

You wouldn’t say you were a super fan, you didn’t really have a fan page just a random one you used to comment and tip Jimin. You didn’t like all his posts on instagram... you always a bit busy. But well, you’ll have to try― at least.

9:58, nine―fucking―fifty eight. Hearts racing, in the spur of suspense. Your eyes were burning a whole into the clock as your finger on your mouse hovered over the video. Did this seem like you were being too much, no, fuck no.

Time blinks away as you finger immediately taps on the video when it game on. Being delighted by the cute face of Jimin himself, smiling at the camera as he watches the number of streamers go up. Each of the streamers were tagged with a number, you were number 26, fantastic.

Which always made you question how the hell did anyone have better connection that you, especially when you’re pretty sure you pressed right on the dot. Some sort of wizardry bullshit, or bots of course. Yet, these kinds of streams were only for members, of which you definitely were.

You laughed, thinking of the thumbnail he had. He must’ve posed for it in the same outfit before he started the stream.

“Hey guys!” Jimin flashed his ultra pure smile. 

Fluffing up his hair as he seduces his viewers through the camera, “Slots are full, hmm, I’m glad you’re all here.”

They way he speaks is husky, breathy, his eyes were dim and blinking more often. He even moans, holy fuck. He was laid back on a couch, from what you could see. The lights were more dimmed now, neon lights peaking from his left shining on his face.

He must’ve had what you think was the television on, as it was flashing against his face. His camera was still, must’ve been on a tripod.

“Yea, I’ve been busy―argh, sorry for the lack of stream this week. I was actually going to go to sleep, it’s really late here,” he speaks casually, smiling at the camera as he reads through the messages― the non-spamming one. You weren’t commenting though, you were more distracted by what he was doing.

He was wearing a dark sweater, his right shoulder was flexing. Maybe it was your gamer instincts to notice everything, observe everything. He was not just sitting around.

You felt ridiculous, were you actually imaging. No one else was pointing out his erratic breathing, for flustered cheeks. Everyone was asking him what he was doing today, how his day was― innocent things.

Opting to do it yourself you began to type.

peachbubbles: you’re cute when you’re blushing ;’)

Which apparently catches his eye as the side of his lip curls into a smirk, he chuckles patting the back of his nape, “Hmm, you’re observant, huh?”

“Peachy,” he winks at the camera. You felt awfully exposed at that moment, it was clear he was directing that to you.

He made you squirm and blush from the mere look on his face and the way he speaks. This was more than a stupid crush, you’ve been watching him for years and hell, he’s changed since the beginning. He’s so much more confident with himself now.

Since he’s noticed you, but doesn’t really know who you are you commented again.

peachbubbles: why don’t you show us what’s going on downstairs? <3

He seemed to see your comment again, which was easy to spot as yours mentioned a completely different topic from everyone else’s occasional ‘i love you’.

He shook his head humorously, “Downstairs,” hissing through his teeth, “You’re too smart, unlike most of the fans here. You actually think― with your head.”

He grins, reaching forward to the camera, making your heart race from how close he was, it felt realistic from your huge screen. He zooms out.

Your breathing hitches when he pulled back and relaxes on the couch. Everyone’s reaction was well, pretty similar to yours.

He has his legs sprawled out wide, his sweatpants pushed down. His hand fisting his own cock, he bites his lip reading all the lewd comments. Pulling at his balls with his other hand.

“I’d give you a prize if I could, darling,” He teases, flashing his perfect smile again.

His eyes perked around reading the comments, he picked out one in particular to read out.

“Ah... You’re all wondering why I chose to do this random stream, uhm, honestly. This may come as a surprise but I don’t think it is,” He pauses, mumbling a few words, cocking his head back and forth, “I got hella turned on watching, uhm, one of my favourite gamers.”

“She’s pretty hot, she was aggravated by this game, ugh, it’s pretty fucking cute,” you had a sense of jealousy, he was jerking off to the thought of a hot gamer he’s watched, fuck, she was be hot as fuck.

“Anyways, sadly, she had to end her stream before I could jack off to her,” sad indeed, though of course you felt kind of relieved that you won’t be watching your ultimate crush jacking off to some gamer that could be your rival.

If anything, you had just came off your stream.. right? Hell no, Jimin wouldn’t possibly be referring to you, no.

His face was now redder than it was before, he must’ve read the comments spilling with assumptions that he was dating them, having a crush and etc.

“She’s a great gamer! You might know her, she just passed a huge robot level on this game...” as if time had stopped, you awaited what he had to say. Holy fuck, maybe he was talking about you.

“Metal gear solid? Is it? I don’t know much about games like that but it seems cool, I mainly watch those streams for her,” he explained, rubbing his face shyly, “I don’t even watch the gameplay, just her face.”

“Fuck, that sounds creepy doesn’t it? It doesn’t? Thank god,” he sighed, relieved that most of his fans commented how they’d be grateful as fuck if he’d jack off to them.

Jimin leans into the camera, as if he’s whispering and telling a secret, “Hmm, I nut to her nearly everyday.”

He chuckles, leaning back onto the bedframe. His eyes reading through the comments before he playfully huffed.

“Her name? You guys want me to expose her? Hell no!”

He chuckles with an amused tone, shaking his head, “Well, if anything maybe you guys will like her more than me.” 

Damn. You don’t even know how to feel anymore, knowing that your ultimate crush is getting himself off with the imagery of you―you. You didn’t know if you should say something, hell no, if you did you’d get attacked by his raging fans.

God, look at him though. His eyes half shut, euphorically pulling at his balls and jerking himself off― you got so wet just staring at his face, not to mention the sight of his thickened cock in his hands.

Then rolls the comments.

parkhearts: you’re famous! slide in her dms, maybe you’ll get to slide in elsewhere too

babymochi: omg, get together! I ship.

bunbuns: She’s cute, omg, I watch her. Didn’t think she’d be his type, she’s so... cunning haha

iloveprkjm: She’d totes dom him honestly.

jiminsgirl: she’s not even that cute wth are y’all on

Jimin must’ve caught those comments because he sighs, stopping himself for a second as he responds, “She’s way too good for me. But hey, ‘bunbuns’. I’m pretty cunning too, that makes her and I compatible right?”

“And yea. She seems like a total bad girl, and yes, ‘iloveparkjm’ thank you, she could totally pull off a dom look and well I’d let her choke me any day.”

Your breath hitches. His tone was so serious, he wasn’t even laughing it off. He was just grinning like the cute ass he was, knowing well enough that whatever he said made everyone cream their pants.

And cue the thirsty comments.

itsjustpark: i’d let him choke me to death

berrychu: imagine sub jimin tied up though...

perkie: i’m so jealous

chimsgirl: here comes the thirsts and the jellys

More and more comments scrolled their way rapidly down the screen, Jimin’s facial expression was the same as yours―shocked but not surprised. He knew what he said and what would happen, god he loved the attention.

“You guys! Relax, it’s not like she knows I exist,” He laughed, before eyeing the camera and smirking, “I won’t cheat on you guys.”

Did you just cringe? Probably, god he said things that made all his girls die and squirm. You could probably feel the same as them but at the moment all you could think about was the fact that he just told the world he jerked off to you― indirectly but some fans caught on.

jiminsbitch: you guys could make a sex tape... that’d be pretty hot, ____’s hella hot.

heartsforhim: so it is ______

jiminsmine: _____? who’s this hoe

honeybuns: holy fuck imagine seeing him fuck someone.

perkie: i bet minnie knows the motions of the ocean ;) 

You god damned imagined the same thing. Shit, you got off on him too. What’s to stop you from actually messaging him... his fans or your pride.

“Geez, guys please focus on me and not your imagination of me right now,” Jimin teased, still going at himself.

Pushing your ridiculous thoughts away you focused on the now.

peachbubbles: i’m sure she’d love for you to fuck her

Jimin’s eyebrow quirked at your comment. What, he saw it through the floods of other comments, that’s ridiculous. 

“Welcome back from the dead peachy, thought you left,” He said, grinning to the camera as sweat begins to trial down his face.

You continued typing to him.

peachbubbles: are you close~

Jimin hummed, “Close enough.”

He read your comment again, it wasn’t just a coincidence then. You didn’t understand. Maybe you didn’t see other people commenting the same thing.

You began to type something else, maybe something he would do― at least that could solidify if he was actually focusing on your comment.

peachbubbles: i’d love to see you with a cockring

He didn’t respond. Maybe it was too forward or weird... maybe some guys didn’t like using toys. God, why’d you just ask him that, it’s kind of personal right. It’s definitely more daring, maybe he’s just weirded out or just didn’t see it.

He stares down at his cock, slick and wet. Pursing his lips and biting them as he nears his end.

“You know, I’ve never considered getting one,” He says, not looking back at the camera, “Also, aren’t cock rings more of a thing couples use.”

“Pleasures the girl as well as yourself,” Oh christ, why is he doing this to you.

He does enough by just looking into the camera as if it was a real person. His moans and whimpers, he was so shameless with sex and it was glorious. He tugs and rubs himself so well, quick yet stable. His forearms flexed all the way even though his hands were gently touching himself.

Then you could hear his quiet mumbling, “Maybe, ____, likes cockrings.” Chuckling to himself as he shakes his head.

Jimin smirks out of the blue, changing the pace, “Urh, I’m gonna cum. Fuck―uh.” He’s leaking. It’s hot, wet and sexy. 

He always wore the most sultry expression, his one eye half shut and the other completely. Trying his best to look at the camera as if it was a person, whilst his head jerks back in pleasure at his release. His white thick cum creaming out of his cock, all over his hands and thighs, with a name lingering on his lips.

“_____, shit― I fucking h-hope she knows I exist. I’d fuck her―so hard,” his breathing was erratic, he groans through his words, “I’ll take your advice guys―”

He chuckled, “I’ll text her.”

He was going to... to text her― that her was you. Oh god, what are you suppose to do. Play it cool, no way, that’s just fake. Tell him that you’ve been watching him all this time and would love for him to fuck you so hard, no way, that’s just pathetic.

Jimin cocks the camera back up to his face, with a knowing grin― a knowing grin that all his fans fucked themselves to him.

“I’ll see you guys in the next stream, wish me luck,” He smiled boyishly, before pointing a finger at the camera, “And please, do not send her hate or I will hate you.”

“Goodnight!” He waves towards the camera as the stream ends.

You mindlessly waved back. He seemed very serious about texting you―too serious, maybe he’s just playing with your emotions, you as in the fans. He loved causing a storm, though he wouldn’t bring attention to someone so... mindlessly.

Leaning back in your chair, fuck, you didn’t even get off. Rolling your eyes before tapping exit on his page. Getting your ass back onto twitter and reading the comments from your fans as always. Pretending that whatever just happened, never happened.

And then as the world seemed calm and happy.

A buzz killed the air. You furrowed your eyebrows, looking over to your side at your silenced phone. A message? God, who is it.

There wasn’t much you thought about, probably your friends begging you to go out with them for a fun night.

Peering over at the lit up screen your breath comes to a stop at the name. Instead of being your friend wanting to party and hang out―

parkjimin: heyyy~

It was him. Right, maybe you’ll just die.

c. 2019

[theorynexus]

This would seem to bring us to Post Number 60, the 62nd post of this series, if you count the decimalized ones.

LAST TIME ON MEAT EPILOGUE It would seem we are returning to John and Terezi, this time--- wooo!~   Apparently, he looks pretty bad. This is unfortunate. On the other hand:  YES, MEAT EPILOGUE CHAPTER/SECTION 6!!!

Hey, don’t try to shame John for being the sub in this situation. It’s not like he has experience with that kind of thing (not that it’s something generally to be ashamed of: I’m just saying that it is something he seems to be somewhat embarrassed about, and his inexperience meant that it wasn’t exactly by choice on his part--- which is not to suggest that Terezi molested him in any way).  Aaaannnd Trolls (especially highbloods) are supposed to be particularly vicious in nature, generally, right? It makes a whole lot of sense that that would extend to the bedroom, as well.

... But yeah, that doesn’t help with his health. He was already doing pretty badly, just after the surgery. He didn’t really need that sort of mess tacked on afterward.     Oh, and... why “mysteriously” sticky, you derp? XD

And I am glad you were kidding.   (That slapping was very interesting to hear. Hmmm.)      Yeah, him being confused and uncertain about it also feels just about right~ ~~~ On a random note, I am reading this just after going through the memo where Karkat, John, and Dave were talking about romance/the propagation of the species, and KK insisted that John and Dave stay away from troll women.    That makes this all wonderfully hilarious, in retrospect. 

Huh. I’ve never seen “cuckold” used in that sort of context before.  Indeed, this is quite the question, though.  Could John Egbert handle a blackrom? A caligionous one, at that?   A very hard question, that is.   I’m not sure he’s emotionally capable of giving himself into the kinds of hate and playful ribbing that would be constantly involved in that kind of relationship, if healthy.  I suspect it might have been just a particularly violent flushed thing, though.  We’ll see.

Pffft. Slithers.   That said:  Huh. I was not expecting that turn. Let’s see where this goes~

Oh my gosh, Dirk, would you stop being such a downer? XD I think this is indeed very, very cute~     Soul-shattering is a weird sort of term to use there, for a normal person. Seems right for Dirk, though. He understands the nuances of how shattering can be more or less than a whole break.

That is practically the definition of a subjective judgment.  I know you’re being ironic and all, but come on, man, that’s just base as heck. But yeah, I think he might have it bad, indeed. 

The question here is, “Does he mean to suggest that Andrew Hussie is God to him, or does he mistakenly [in the context of Homestuck, which has given no distinct evidence for it] believe that there was a God that he actually usurped?”   “replaced” is a very interesting and useful word, here, given the working interpretation that I have is indeed that he is interpreting AH as God and likely believes him to have abandoned Homestuck, thus removed himself from his directorial capacity over its narrative, until he managed to take over.

WHY ARE NEITHER OF YOU THINKING OF RETCON-PORTING IN TO RESCUE HER FROM HER DEMISE BEFORE IT HAPPENS?!?!?!? But yeah, you really should get home and recover first, if it is possible.

Whoops. Not a good sign. Noooot a good sign.

The Power of Three is a very strong thing.

Here we gooooooo!!!~    The first time (I think) that I’ve continued a post beyond one page!!!

No.  Also, probably Jake English. He has strange effects on people.

Wow, someone’s a bit miffed.  That said: Hooray, acknowledgement by the narrative! :’D

I do not appreciate your repeated suggestions that Jake is dumb! That said: No. No, I do not want to engage in wanton promiscuity with such a man.  I am, to put it quite simply, not interested in meaningless sexual encounters with people I am not deeply connected with. Even if I had such a bond with Jake English, I would not be inclined to engage in such activities. Quite frankly, I am not exactly partial to the type of equipment he sports. As for the political side of things... well, that’s complicated. Yeah, people can indeed become far too energized by the attractiveness of candidates and those associated with them, rather than their substance.  Maybe that’s the case, here.   I’d like to think that the actual results of the election will in fact prove people wrong. Maybe there will be exit polls that we can see excerpts of to judge things for certain.   I don’t know~

FINALLY, SOMEONE FRICKING ADMIRES THE SUFFERER!!!

Eh?  I mean, I guess even Dave and Karkat were acknowledging the possibility of a misstep. We’ll see what happens.

Heee’s probably gonna try to sabotage this, isn’t he?   Also, I wish I were more familiar with human muscle anatomy.

“The Kibosh” is a good phrase to use.  That said:  ***snerk***    It’s like Karkat has wedding day jitters. XD

Man, it is annoying how spiteful you are toward him, Dirk. Can you give him a break for just a second?   I mean, you probably caused the sweating to begin with.

Wow. Such dudebroism, which I just suddenly realized/-membered Dirk was supposed to slightly embody, somewhat.  (I blame Gamebro Magazine, and the sharp contrast between the diction there and Dirk’s writing style.) That is a funny description, though, the brain-tonguing.  Also, gosh, Jake is nervous.

Oh, hey, I think Dave’s going to finally get a feel for the Narrative, and maybe end up confronting Dirk.  That will be incredibly interesting.

Wow, this is getting to him.  It’s like he’s made of sugar, and someone’s just begun to drizzle water on him.  Or maybe made of witch.

***lip curls up in a snarl***    Dave better make this quick.  I am somehow edging on more angry at this Unreliable Narrator than I was before Alt!Calliope took over...!

Well, that’s, umm... interesting. Particularly, the cultivated Obfuscating Stupidity bit. But moreso the fact that Dirk will acknowledge he’s smarter than he seems.

Yes... I think I most definitely am more furious than ever at this piece of garbage, now.  After the sweet taste of freedom that Jake was finally able to feel, and the burst of confidence he’d found in it, you pour all of this blithering waste on him?   Jane was trying to use him!   I’m sure she hasn’t loved him for a long time, and even then, I Jake never toyed with her heart intentionally, I’m sure!   Grrrrr...!

Honestly, though, he brings up a complicated and intriguing question.  Jake has definitely been used and abused throughout his history, and at least part of his recent activity to exploit his Hope-y Assets must have been Dirk’s doing, but how much of his sexually promiscuous revelry has actually been something that he would not and did not choose, say, as a result of his drinking problem, rather than him reveling in his identity as a   

WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE 

 just as your pre-Scratch self was?  Regardless of the level of culpability he actually has in the matters of his life, he is nowhere near deserving of this kind of shaming, and Dirk should be ashamed of himself for this kind of disgusting behavior which he is almost certainly engaging in specifically to throw Jake off.

Oh, also, victim blaming is BS, and the answer is an unequivocal, “You, you insincere, megalomaniacal, self-justifying dirtbag.”

***is so fricking ANGRY that it is taking a great deal of willpower not to release a roar of primal fury and break my hand on my computer screen*** THIS IS NOT HOW HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WORK!!! THAT IS NOT HOW SOMEONE WHO IS ACTUALLY WILLING TO SUBMIT TO YOU LIKE THAT WILL BEHAVE, YOU FFF---     ***RRRRRGH!!!***

YOU HAD BETTER NOT FRICKING LISTEN TO THIS GARBAGE, JAKE!!! RESIST HIS INFLUENCE, AND---         Huh. The thought just occurred to me that both Dave and Jake could be interpreted as stand-ins for Simon, if Dirk were Kamina (despite how different Kamina’s personality is from Dirk’s), because Simon really seems like he could be interpreted as a Page of Hope too, for some reason (but curse my ADHD! XwX)   ---AND DEFEAT HIM WITH YOUR HOPE BUBBLE!!!

...  At least he apologized. For what that is worth.    This is going to seem so obvious to Dave, though.  Obviously, he isn’t going to kill his Bro, but... well, let’s see how things turn out. Hmm. Also, this is hilarious insofar as it derailed the press conference and probably took away much of the steam that could have been generated for the Karkat/Vantas ticket by Jake’s endorsement, but it doesn’t exactly do all that much for Jane Crocker’s side, either.  It was a very sickening and weird spectacle, but I am not sure how it will actually play out in their favor?   Seems like it might cause Jane’s side trouble, and might cause tensions between them.

I still can never consistently remember what “smh” means. But yes, “HICCUP???” is right.   STOP HIM, DAVE!!!  

TACKLE HIM AWAY INTO THE FUTURE!!!

Realistically, he should have no problem with speed at all. Time power shown a la cheating with Jade in games should let him get there instantly, and even his flash step that he has shown since before entering the Game should allow him to get there on time.      Man, Dirk is a prick about manipulating things. Especially since we are going to see things derailed and shift to another setting, right when Jake is supposedly going to make the biggest contribution he’ll ever make.  WHICH DOESN’T EVEN FRICKING MAKE SENSE!!!

[jonstarks]

You linked to an article you said was pro Jonsa. How should we look at the other parts of the article that weren't so hopeful? "Sansa has learned to be duplicitous, withholding and open to compromise." Duplicitous and withholding isn't great. And before we say "oh that was the journalist's spin", Sophie herself said Sansa withheld the info about the Vale because she wanted the glory for herself. And Kit said in your article that Sansa was a "big problem" for Jon. (part 1)

part 2: Everyone hangs on to that one quote of Kit’s about Jon manipulating people. But then we dismiss practically everything else he, Sophie, the directors, D&D and the everyone else say. I don’t think this works.

Sansa is a “BIG PROBLEM” for Jon because she challenge him, also, in the same article, Kit said that she know she is much smarter than Jon in many ways, and in behind the scene of BoB he said that Jon BIGGEST mistake that season was not listening to her, so I don’t think challenge him to be a better leader is the worst thing ever, unless you were a wimp.  

“Sansa has learned to be duplicitous, withholding and open to compromise.” The full paragraph of that sentence was: “Sansa has proven to be a wily survivor, despite repeated abuse, and even orchestrated a major battlefield victory last season. Their ways of managing challenges couldn’t be more opposite, though. Jon emerged from his harrowing experiences more straightforward and unbending than ever, whereas Sansa has learned to be duplicitous, withholding and open to compromise. first of all, I couldn’t see anything wrong about this (and no, I don’t see this as a journalist trying to spin thing, that wasn’t my style) Sansa and Jon facing their problems and cope with their past traumatic experience in a different way and I don’t see it as a negative thing, for each characters or for jonsa. After season 7 (or for me, before that) we knew that sansa would never betrayed her family, even before she team up with arya and bran, she always prioritize Jon, it was always about Jon’s army, how could she keep Jon’s people loyal to him, how to convince his people to not shifting their allegiance to her, so IF sansa learn to be duplicitous, withholding and open to compromise, she’s not going to do that behind Jon again, not after we need to trust each other scene, not after Jon blindsided her by giving her the North, a complete full trust to her, so if sansa would act “sneaky” or grey-ish, she would do it to keep Jon safe, to keep her family safe, to keep her people safe, and it’s not going to happen behind him. Sansa weren’t just a Disney character who all sweet and nice, she play the big games, she band together with her sibling to take down the biggest player, the most dangerous man in westeros, in case you still didn’t get it, she’s smart, and even with her past abusive experience, she still maintain her courtesy and her kindness, she didn’t just execute people who disagree with her, she even still show compassion when she execute LF (unlike some of other character… *coughs* dany *coughs*).

“But then we dismiss practically everything else he, Sophie, the directors, D&D and the everyone else say.” who was we in this conversation? because I didn’t just dismiss anything that cast and crew said. there are the difference between take an information and use it carefully and completely ignoring the whole truth just to fit with your opinion, what I did was using Kit interview and matched with show canon, why was that not working?  Also, I’m tired of people mentioned “cast and crew say this…there are an interview about this that make your interview invalid and bla bla bla bla” but didn’t put the link of said interview, what am I suppose to do with that? it was just the same as if some anti jonsa said that “you are delusional!” “your ship is a crackship!” but never add anything to it.  

Sophie herself said Sansa withheld the info about the Vale because she wanted the glory for herself. If you are a fan of sophie, then you would know that sophie said a lot of thing, sophie also said that if jon and sansa meshed together, they’ll rule the westeros, she also said that Jon or Sansa should sit on the IT, she also said she wants Jaime Lannister  sit on the IT and in another time she wants LF to sit on the IT, that girl said a lot of thing to confused the audience (and so does some of the cast and crew member) then how could you tell what is troll and not? BY WATCHING THE FRICKIN SHOW. Sansa said that Jon should stay in the Lord chamber and she fucking said that Jon is a Stark to her! (I don’t think there were any Stark that ever said that to him, not even ned when he said you may not have my name, but you have my blood.) Lyanna M. named Jon KitN and not Sansa, and she fricking smile until LF proof to be a threat to them, still not believe it? Then watch season 7, when all the Lords getting restless, she convinced them that Jon did his best, Jon is our King. The only time she ever mentioned about the KotV was when arya fall into LF trap and using her letter to threatened her, she mentioned how she win the battle with the KotV because she need to proof herself to arya that she loyal to the starks, and if the letter fall into the wrong person, it would not just jeopardize sansa position, but also can cost Jon’s army and men, all of them would march back if they ever find out about this (this is not my just opinion, this thing did happen in the show when sansa predict this as she called a northerners as a bloody wind vanes) Sansa’s first priority was to keep Jon’s people stay and fight for the great war, and arya (or D&D awful script) didn’t help her at all, Sansa was alone again after Jon left winterfell, she may have brienne but brienne swore to protect both of them and she afraid LF might use her to eliminate arya, so she send her to KL. Do you think protecting yourself and your family by using a fact to pointed out your loyalty to the Stark was wrong? I don’t think so. Also before that, when maester wolkan give a scroll to Jon but didn’t greet sansa, (like she was invisible) she didn’t throw a fit, like, that maester was fucking rude to her and she didn’t say anything! Do you still think her as a person who like to take credit? I think you might confuse one character with another. 

You need to be a smart audience, learn the timeline between each interview, (like: was this article referring to the event of season 6 or 7 or 8? Or what type of hype the show runner trying to boost? was that hype relevant and make sense to the story or not?) and learn to tell a difference between the real, honest interview and troll interviews, sophie once said that she wants LF to be on the IT, she

also

hyping up about starkbowl, (so does Kit when he said he wants to kill sansa, but before you jump to conclusion, it was just a game and you don’t need to get your knicker twist about that) but after s7 when a LF stan come up to her and told how ungrateful sansa for killing LF her mentor and protector, sophie fiercely said that LF was nothing but an evil opportunist, he sold sansa and use her for his own gain. (if someone could put a link on sophie’s tweet about that I’ll be forever grateful) Again, you need to get your fact check before you jump to any conclusion.

One last thing, I didn’t just use a random Jon’s gifs to support my KH interview quotes, Kit said about how sansa the only one that could twists jon like that, and I use every jonsa scenes with jon looking shook, infuriated, and nervous, i didn’t even use some of it (like the one when sansa cut ser royce in council meeting, or in reunion when sansa want to take WF) because I’m just too lazy and there are too many jonsa moments to giffed and too little time for me to do it. I’m using a REAL interview with a REAL source and a REAL scenes from the show, if other people could post a single gif of dumbfounded Hannah Murray as a proof to invalidate jonsa, then why couldn’t I use an article of KH with supporting evidence from the show to validate jonsa? At least it wasn’t a fake KH BBC Radio interview, or a fake GRRM interview, or a fake Michelle Clapton interview, or a fake outline, or a fake jonsa blog, and frankly, it wasn’t a place for you to say if an article might or might not work for me, I’m talking about what validate my ship, and if you don’t agree with that, then just move a long, don’t read it, don’t follow me, block me, idgaf.

link to my post I link to the article

[im-no-jedi]

ok alright here we go here’s my super duper long ramble/fangirling post about S2 Voltron (SPOILERS APLENTY HERE) (MOBILE USERS BEWARE)

I’m gonna start off by saying that I would like to personally thank each and every single person who works on this show because OMG it is so. freaking. GOOD. especially the animation like???? let me hug everyone at Studio Mir please they are the BEST. and the music continues to be #On Point and exactly my type of music, please Dreamworks release a season two soundtrack PLEASE. also the pacing seemed better this time around?? season one felt SO rushed, like I blinked and it was over, but this season felt really well paced and not rushed at all, hallelujah \o/

ok now on to more specific things

I’m gonna sort my thoughts via each character cause that’s gonna be the easiest thing to do I think, also writing out my feelings for each episode would take much longer tbh

Shiro: UMMM. MY POOR BABY???? the season starts out with him already wounded and then proceeds to have him get attacked and thrown around by a bunch of alien beasts like???? can you not?????? making Shiro suffer is a running theme in this show and I DON’T WIKE IT. he suffered less from PTSD this time around tho, which I appreciated. he just suffered more physically instead hahahaha LET HIM REST FOR GOSH SAKES!!!!!! although I think I felt most bad for him during that rescue mission with Salv like OMFG poor Shiro LOL. him bonding with the black lion was.... OMG. I was so proud and happy for him. take that Zarkon you fudge nugget. also ALSO HIM BONDING WITH KEITH????? I WAS SCREAMING??????????? THE HUG??!?!?!?!???!??! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *ahem* anyway, I’m not even gonna get into the finale cause frick dat he’s fine he just is hiding under the control panel and is gonna pop up and surprise everyone later it’ll be great you’ll see :) he’s fine guys :) he is F I N E :) :) :) :) 8)

Pidge: A RELATABLE NERD WHO MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. I already felt a connection to Pidge last season, but this one was literally like OMG... it me... if I were smarter anyway... :P. she was precious as always, not taking any crap from those dumb boys. I LOVED her episode on the techie planet, it was so good. her having to rescue everyone in the end was just... *insert Pacha pic here*. also umm Harm and I kept making predictions throughout the entire season and saying “YOU GUYS SHOULD DO THIS” and then Pidge would always be the one to say the EXACT thing that Harm and I had been saying all along (like the Black Lion being the thing that Zarkon was tracking) and it was like YES!!!! GIRL!!!!!! GET SHIZZ DONE!!!!!!!!! seriously Pidge is like the support character of this team, without her, they would literally be dead right now. I freaking love her. she is the BEST \o/

Hunk: GIVE THIS BOY A FRIGGIN MEDAL. SERIOUSLY. and that medal would be for being the absolute biggest sweetheart EVER. OMG. I’m so glad they chose to put him and Keith together for the Weblum episode cause Keith needed someone like Hunk after what he had just gone through OMG. Hunk wasn’t demeaning to Keith at all, he was actually genuinely curious about what had happened to him??? I’m crying????? also I know everyone is complaining about him being reduced to comedic relief and only talking about food and all that but like... he stated in the Eye of the Storm episode that cooking was how he destressed?? it’s his hobby?? he likes cooking and eating food?? I get it, ya’ll want a chubby character who’s not just there to eat food all the time. well, from what I recall, Hunk used his smarts pretty darn often in the season, especially in the Weblum episode. also he’s still a big lovable goofball that everyone on the team loves and what’s better than that tbh?? NOBODY on the team makes fun of Hunk for liking to eat and cook, and honestly, that’s incredible. I absolutely LOVED the parts in the space mall episode where he was cooking in the food court and everybody was loving his food. he was doing what he loves to do, and he was being GOOD at it. as an overweight person who also likes to eat often, I support Hunk and his food eating/making endeavors ^3^

Lance: I... honestly wish I could say more about him. unlike with Hunk, I do agree with the fandom that Lance pretty much got shoved to the side this season. besides the mermaid and rescuing Salv episodes, he didn’t do much at all. he was hilarious as always, but I’m starting to see season three Sokka syndrome here, and I’m not sure how to feel. I don’t have a problem with him being a comedic character, but it feels like they’re taking away from the really important stuff with his character. he didn’t even mention his Earth family this time around. is that not an issue for him anymore? with Pidge and now Keith both looking for their families, I feel like this might impact Lance more in the coming seasons. I really hope they delve more into his character in S3 cause we didn’t get much of him in the first season either. poor Lance :\

Keith: DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT. DO I. COME ON. YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I’M GONNA SAY. I specifically saved Keith for last cause hoooooo BOY do I have a lot to say!!!!! firstly *SCREAMS FOR 84 YEARS*. secondly *SOBS FOR 84 MORE YEARS*. and lastly *DIES*. that is all. ........LOL jk. thank you thank you THANK YOU to the writers for giving him more of a focus this season. we complained that Keith was barely there in the first season and now this second season more than made up for it. this was Keith’s season, man. even more so than Shiro. I was one of the people who REALLY wanted Keith to be part Galra aND LO. THE WRITERS DELIVERED. *MORE SCREAMING*. I’m a bit disappointed that Thace wasn’t his father, but I’ll talk more about the Galra in a bit. also the fact that his mother is the one who’s a Galra? I didn’t even know there were female Galra since Haggar was the only female on the ship (and I was suspicious of her actually being a Galra anyway). but whatever, I’m not picky, IM JUST HAPPY IT’S A THING. The Blade of Marmora is my new Carnage of Krell and I’m gonna torture myself by watching it 20 more times hahahaha. I already mentioned the Shiro hug but also HE THINKS OF SHIRO LIKE A BROTHER??!?!!?!?!? UMMMMMMMMM??!??!!?!?!?!??!?!!?! I died to say the least. I’m still dying. I’m still dying A LOT. and and AND KEITH BEING PROTECTIVE OF SHIRO IN THE FIRST EPISODE?????? I CRIED????????? he was so supportive and helpful in this season, he really bonded more with the others, especially the Weblum episode OMG, I love his relationship with Hunk so much ;3;. and the stuff between him and Allura????? like I don’t ship it, but I was still screaming like... Keith is such a friggin sweetheart, he genuinely cares about everyone even though he doesn’t always show it, and he’s so loyal and protective and strong and I AM SO FREAKING IN LOVE WITH HIM HE IS PERFECT?????????????????????????? the fact that he was able to control the black lion in the first episode?????? he really is a good leader after all?????? this entire season was building Keith up so that he could take over for Shiro once he was gone and I’m??!!?!?!!?!!?! *SOBS FOR 84 YEARS AGAIN*. I’m honestly frightened for what the next season is gonna hold because nooooooo do not give Keith anymore grief and sorrow and worry, do NOT let him blame himself for losing Shiro, DO NOT MAKE HIM ANGSTY AGAIN, JUST LET HIM BE HAPPY AND FIND HIS FAMILY AND BE A GOOD SUBSTITUTE LEADER FOR SHIRO OK????????? that’s all I ask.... ;3;

ok that’s the main five, now on to the other characters...

Allura and Coran: I’m lumping them together because I can. Coran didn’t really change much this season, and I’m ok with that. I like him just the way that he is. the episode where he had the Slipperies was HYSTERICAL. I love him XD. Allura continues to just be... ok to me? I definitely don’t dislike her, but there are so many things about her that bothered me this season, it was hard for me to change my feelings about her at all. I got SO pissed at her about her issues with the Galra, it was ridiculous. especially when she was being a jerk to Keith, that was just infuriating. if this was the writers attempt at trying to showcase racism, then congrats to them cause they did a wonderful job at making me almost hate Allura LOL. I compare Allura to Katara a LOT, but unlike Katara, I feel like Allura might have more likable qualities to her. in terms of her racist feelings towards the Galra and Keith, she resolved them a heckuva lot quicker than Katara did with the Fire Nation, which I appreciated greatly. the way she handled her apology to Keith was even more satisfying than Katara’s apology to Zuko tbh. idk guys, I really want to like Allura more, and at times I like her more than others (like during the last couple episodes holy frick YOU GO GIRL \o/), but overall, I’m still just... ok with her. nothing more, nothing less. if I were to rank all of the main hero characters in order, she would probably be last. but I in no ways hate her, that’s for sure.

The Galra: again, lumping all together cause there are WAAAY too many characters that fit into this category for me to separate. like Keith, these guys were given a big focus this season, and I am SO GLAD. I really wanted to learn more about them in the first season, and I was super syked to learn that they weren’t all bad guys. the Blade of Marmora (the actual organization, not the episode of the same name) was SO. FRIGGIN. COOL. like yeah, they started off as a bunch of jerks, but thanks to the glorious efforts of my husband, they chilled out and joined with the team and kicked MAJOR butt in the finale, I was so friggin pleased. also Ulaz and Thace?? I’m hurt man. I’m hurt REAL bad. someone please tell me I’m not the only one who got Clone Trooper vibes from those two cause I AM HURT. if the Blade ends up being a bunch of sacrificial lambs for the rest of the season, IM WRITING A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER TO DREAMWORKS TO TELL THEM TO BACK THE FRICK OFF OF MY BOYS!!!!!!! also, like the Clones, I am conflicted on whether or not I want to adopt them all or marry them all but we won’t get into that *COUGH*. I hope more Galra join the Blade in the next season. and that we get to find out WHO TF THAT PERSON WAS THAT KEITH RESCUED INSIDE THE WEBLUM CAUSE I JUST KNOW THAT PERSON IS IMPORTANT SOMEHOW!!!! (calling it now, they’re related to Keith in some manner, also I think they were female). besides the Blade, I also enjoyed seeing other odd Galra that are actually part of Zarkon’s army, like Marvok and the cop from the space mall. more characters like them please \o/

aaaaand some final things to note

Zarkon literally turned into Megatron, he’s even in a coma like Megs was in the first season of TFP hahahaha

I had a theory that Haggar was a species other than Galra but I did NOT expect her to be Altean tbh

IF THEY NEVER SHOW OR MENTION THE COW AGAIN IM GOING TO BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN THE WRITERS

forgot to mention it in Allura or Shiro’s sections but!!!! that hand hold!!! ALL ABOARD THE SHALLURA TRAIN 8D

immediately after finishing the season, I looked up Prince Lotor and I DO NOT WANT THEM TO CHANGE HIS CHARACTER AT ALL HE IS PERFECT THE WAY HE IS P L E A S E WRITERS OMG

please... let Pidge find her brother and dad soon... please writers...

I want more Altean history and I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE OTHER PREVIOUS PALADINS WERE

Harm and I couldn’t remember the name of the Taujeerians, so we just called them the Pooh aliens cause the leader was voiced by Jim Cummings (and they were really cute and chubby LOL)

that’s it :P

[christmasinkorea-blog]

Beating Around the Bush: Nine Months in South Korea.

Well hello there. 

My last blog post was about five months ago, and since then I have really been getting a grasp on Korean culture. Honestly, it takes a long freakin’ time to truly understand a culture. I’ve been to Portugal. I’ve eaten Portuguese food. I traveled with Portuguese friends and even muttered a line or two in the language (THANK YOU SPANISH FOR BEING SO SIMILAR), but... I really have not experienced the full, or even half of the effect of Portuguese culture. Do you see what I’m saying? BEM.

I have summoned you all today to my amateur and rambling blog post to share with you some very interesting aspects of Korean culture. Now, this is not your average -- Koreans like kimchi, Koreans speak Korean, Koreans like Kpop-- type of post. Oh no. These four things I am about to share with you will have you thinking KAJA TO KOREA, I KNOW SO MUCH MORE NOW.

Let’s get weird.

Culture tip hana (1)~ The Knock Back

  You ever been in a restaurant and need to do ole number one or number two? “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” You get up. You gracefully walk to the restroom. Wind in your hair. Everyone looking at you. Please.. please no pictures!

Wait where am I?

Oh, so you arrive to the restroom. You see all the stalls are closed, BUT is anyone in them? You knock on the stall. You hear one of many things “ONE MOMENT!” “OCCUPIED” “YEAH?!?!?”. Ok, I must wait. 

-- Different scenario --

You’re the person in the stall and hear someone knock. “ONE MOMENT!” “OCCUPIED!” “YEAH?!?!?”. Crisis adverted.

Koreans don’t vocalize the fact that they are in the stall. Which honestly I found relieving when I arrived because I had no idea what to say so I probably would’ve awkwardly let out some weird, loud grunt. “Me here! You wait!”

Koreans do the knock back. After you knock on the door “tok, tok”, a Korean will knock back at you if they’re in the stall “tok, tok”. I honestly found this hilarious and maybe took it as a joke at first. Some of them even knock back the same way you knocked on the door. In this case, it’s difficult to quit knocking. Just once I would like to see how far it goes. Then again, they would probably think I was some weirdo. I am.

This actually goes for any small public space you occupy, like dressing rooms.

Woooow. NEXT.

Number dul~~ “Asking” for favors indirectly.

Thiiiiiiiis one. This one grinds my gears, but only because the US has become such a straight-forward place in the past few years. I try to keep it positive and think of it as a nice brain exercise.

You need a favor? Need someone to make a call for you? Need someone to come over and help you with something? Here’s the etiquette: beat around the bush.

Example time (I’m terrible with examples, but I can try my hardest for my loyal blog readers): You’ve tried cleaning something in your apartment that you know a professional reaaaaallly should clean. After using up all the elbow grease you got in you (half a pint in my case), you realize...frick. I’m gonna need the big guys to get in here. There’s one problem: you don’t speak Korean outside of telling people your name. Great. So, it boils down to A) Praying someone speaks English at the business or B) asking someone to call for you.

Now comes the brain exercising. You see, it’s “more polite” for you to kind of hint to what you need instead of being like “HI I NEED A PROFESSIONAL CLEANER SO CAN YOU CALL, YEAH?” Instead...strike up a little convo. “Oh man, you know my *place object here* was soooo dirty. I tried my best to clean it but it just wasn’t cutting it. I wish I could just get it cleaned.” At this point someone may say something like “Oh you can get it professionally cleans for X won. I can call if you like.” 

Boom baby. Next thing you know your brain has the biceps of a god and your household item is about to be spar-ka-lay.

Although this is not always the case, as I’ve directly asked people for things before, I’ve heard numerous...nuuuuuumerous times that beating around the bush for a favor is the BEST way to go.

Moving on.

Number set~~ The abrupt hang up

You ever witness something that just makes you stop and shift your eyes back and forth while trying to make sense of what just happened? The abrupt hang up, baby. 

Say your talking to someone on the phone. It can be about anything: work, gossip, family, anything. It can be between anyone: Korean to Korean, Korean to foreigner. You will experience this in Korea.

So, your having a conversation. It’s coming to a close and in the USA this is when you stat saying your goodbyes. “Ok, well I’m gonna go. Talk to ya soon. Ok bye!”

In Korea the end of the conversation is often met with a “neeeee” (kind of like, ok, yeah) and CLICK. This one threw me for a loop the first time I actually experienced it. I thought.....what did I say wrong? After listening to some coworkers answer the phone I realized this is common. Many times I’ve heard someone “have a conversation” by just using noises “eeeehhhh. eeeeeeeh. eh. EEEEEEEH. Neeeee.” CLICK. I’ve seen a Korean mid-sentence get hung up on because the other person thought the convo was over. Alas, for them it’s a normal thing, so this person just said “oh they’re gone” and went about their business unscathed. 

I was later informed that it really is just common culture. It’s more like “ok I know the info I need so now I will hang up” 

Neato.

Number net~~Non-confrontational people

From not only what I’ve heard, but seen and experienced in Korean people are extremely non-confrontational. Actually I thought I was like this, but the Korean culture is another level compared to myself.

Say you do something that really bothers someone. Where I’m from we’d be like.. “Ted, you know, that’s kind of rude really.” or maybe even “WHATS YOUR BLEEPIN PROBLEM?” Here I’ve seen and even experienced that Koreans won’t tell you that you’ve bothered them. Instead they will remain silent and hold a grudge against you and do little things to bother you until maybe you ask them “hey did I do something???”

NEXT. Thankfully, a situation like this has never happened to me, or in front of me as I doubt I will be able to contain my beast-like, aggressive personality. ha-ha. 

Anyways. If there is some sort of dispute in public, say.... a man beating a woman, or someone screaming for help, its very common for Korean people to do nothing and walk on by. Maybe even run on by as to not get involved with anything. This really surprised me, considering I would try to put a homie in a headlock, break my tiny wrist, proceed to use my other arm, break that one too then headbutt a player. I digress. 

You may be thinking -- what the heck, man. How can you just walk on by? I’d power drive a person so fast--- no my friend. Here, if you interfere and harm the attacker in anyway it’s possible that you’ll be punished for doing so. It doesn’t matter if it’s self defensive or if you’re even in the right. We were actually told upon arrival that many times “it’s not who started the problem, it’s who ends it.”

All I can say is I really hope I don’t find myself in such a situation. I’ve watched too much Sailor Moon to just sit back and let it happen. MOON PRISOM POWEEEER.

-------

So those are 4 interesting facts/differences?/cultural things I find pretty interesting about South Korea so far. I know that  not all Koreans are like this. Ma’am, Sir.. I know. I thank you for your deep insight.

Overall, my nine months here have been wonderful to say the least. I’ve been doing a little traveling. My job is great. My students are wonderful. That being said, I’ve decided to stay another year here in South Korea. My school is allowing me to move into the city and commute to work, which is awesome. They say they’ve been pleased with my work. Really the only thing missing is my family. Miss you!!!!

Also, since I’ll be moving apartments, I’m going to do a little apartment tour of my current one. It really is a great apartment, just not the ideal location. 

Stay tuuuuuuuuuned.

Fighting!

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 2: “That Was a Little Coo-Coo Crazy for Me” - Jack [ PART II ]

First, the positive: Kabru dodged tribal for the second time, and not only that but we put up a very high score that could've easily been competitive for the top spot. That tribe is rolling, and I chatted some with Jakey last night which reassured me about him a lot. No idea why I was so intimidated, he's super chill and friendly.

Now, the bad.

ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME.

This SUCKS. In the first round, we lost a tiebreaker despite doing everything right. In this round, we lost the tiebreaker TO the tiebreaker. 

Complete and utter shenanigans. 

Tomfoolery. 

Nonsense. 

We could've avoided the whole damn thing if I'd have been less of an idiot and taken my time on step 18. And I acknowledge the ridiculousness of putting any of the blame on myself when I was our highest scoring player and miles ahead of Abbey and Emma. But there it is. I wish I could have saved my brainfart for one more step.

Anyway, it can't be helped now, unless someone knows how to build a time machine. I'm relieved that Jack, Abbey and I made this alliance because, although I wish we didn't have to show our cards so soon, this just makes sense. The vote will be an easy one on our end, but it still sucks and I hate burning Emma like this. She deserves better. Wrong place at the wrong time is an especially shitty way to go out.

Logan and I were talking last night and I think we both agreed: since this twist is fairly limiting, it's pretty reasonable that until someone feels the timing is right to topple the apple cart, we'll probably keep seeing the people going to two tribals being the first casualties. So I really hope there's a swap or a change-up soon, otherwise we're in line for more predictable boots. As a cast of all-stars, I think we'd all like our hands a bit less tied. But all we can do is adapt to the circumstances.

I'm also making an effort today to improve my bonds elsewhere, just in case a swap does happen. Focusing on those I haven't spoken to much since the reveal (Simon, JC, Owen, Ricardo.) I also genuinely do want to get to know Simon a bit better, because despite our past differences he's always struck me as a pretty bright dude. It'd be neat to see what makes him tick. Owen, too, but I know from past experience that we're just not super socially compatible. SUPER kind dude, but our conversations always fizzle out. And JC will be interesting, too, even though I feel like I already know them a bit due to our past game. Where neither of us remember what happened. BUT DAMMIT, JC WAS THERE.

After this vote cycle, I think one of two things happens: 1. there's a swap to proactively stop this pattern of voting. Two tribes of 8, with one person from each game sent to exile and joining the losing tribe post-vote, maybe? That would at least give more options if people are INSISTENT on knocking both versions of a player out at once.

OR

2. We wait until one tribe is reduced to two players, a la Philippines, then 'disperse' them. I say 'them' because I'm using all the positive thinking in the world and hoping it's not Andaman but Makalu, and that it's Logan and Jenn who emerge unscathed from the pile of rubble.

Or, come to think of it, maybe a Palau-esque absorbtion? Man, there's so many moving parts and possibilities. 

It's exhausting being social. But I think I'm managing to be friendly with people in a way that's not seen as annoying. And I think the big difference is that I'm not talking to people just for the sake of talking to them, like I did in Rebels & Rogues. I genuinely enjoy a lot of this cast and I think (hope?) the feeling is mutual. So I'm doing everything I can to shut down the gamebot thoughts that pop up, and it's been paying dividends on the social front.

Now, if we could just win a fucking challenge. 

This challenge was pretty yikes, not gonna lie! When I came up with it for Machu Picchu I was very proud of myself but like...now I realize the pain I inflicted on all of my players and I would like to apologize for that. I decided to just type out each message instead of copy + paste because I thought I would be able to go faster that way, but instead I just got super frazzled and accidentally typed the wrong thing and I flopped with only 8 points. At that point I was in panic mode and I was CONVINCED I was going to get blindsided on Okhotsk and savagely voted out of Jannu so I had to get to work!

I first started talking to Jessy, and we both agreed that as more old-school players who haven't played in a while that playing with a bunch of recent players was very intimidating. We worked together in Adversaries a bit but not too much, but I do trust that she's telling the truth when she says she wants us to have each other's backs, so I felt confident there. Then, I messaged Steven about how I fricked up and he was very quick to tell me that even if we ended up going to tribal, he would work with me to figure out a way to stay. Looks like my social game and strategy of connecting to him day 1 paid off! We didn't end up having to go to tribal, but I feel confident enough in my relationships with Jessy and Steven that if that situation ever comes up I'll be alright.

Both of my tribes came middle of the pack which meant NO TRIBAL, but also no adventure. I'm eager to win a reward at some point because, as far as I know, I'm one of 5 people (myself, Simon, Kait, Jenn and Jimmy) who have a clue to the whereabouts of the idol. Any of them, or Alex for that matter, could have told other people in which case #RIP, but I figured that letting that group know would be beneficial in hopefully keeping the idol close to home instead of out and around for anyone to find. Jimmy said he had no luck, so next round I'm DETERMINED to get out there and find that idol myself.

i still dont have an alliance i literally just talk to people what the fuck someone align with me or im gonna align. if someone doesnt aling with me by next round im gonna make an alliance

So avoiding the first 6 tribals has been fun, really enjoying not having to put myself through any torment whatsoever.

Still feeling like a grungy disease-ridden spud among quality potato gems which is really good for the ego, but hey there's getting less and less of the potato gems.

I'm just gonna continue making mates and fart-arsing around 

I'm not going to tribal again YASSSSS. I'm so glad to not have to go to tribal again where I could end up possibly go home!! However I'm hella worried that my ally Emma might end up getting sent home because in my mind it'd be a smart strategy to vote out someone who's going to tribal in both their A and B games because then there'd be no way for them to get revenge on you if they were going to tribal. However, I'm hoping that she has enough ties to stay in regardless :s

Apart from that I'm also upset that I didn't get to go on the bombass adventure, like Simon gave me the idol clue that he got from the sacrificial lamb which is poppin if it's real. But oh well I'll just hold onto it til I do finally get to go to the adventure bleh!! 

I still haven't gotten any alliances or anything yet but I think I'm in the numbers on THOTse, like if we go to tribal again it'll probably be Simon going home. Idk about Hudson but I think I have a good relationship with Logan at least? Idk hopefully the others like me too, or enough that I'll be safe if we do end up going to tribal.

I guess I could do a mini cast assessment now that I've gotten to know my tribes better? I'm still struggling a bit to get conversations going with EVERYONE but like..come on...over 20 people so I'm trying my best. 

Lets start with Bering: Jenn - Really hit it off with Jenn early on and would definitely like to work with her on this tribe. She seems pretty level headed and kind of reserved which is nice because I'm kind of bad around really vocal people. Carson - Again really nice and I've had a few conversations with him. Not sure about how I could work with him in the long run because he's keeping his cards close to his chest. MJ - He's hard to call. Had one conversation with him and it was a little forced which is meh. He seems a little forceful in his opinions and I'm not sure if that's someone I want to work with. He doesn't seem to like his other tribe though so I'll be nicey nice to him. Ruthie - Honestly really amazing. Our conversation flowed pretty well straight off the bat and she seems like such a lovable person. I really want to work with her purely because she's so nice and I feel she would be loyal down the line. Okay...onto Jannu! Matt - So I was really happy I got put on a tribe with Matt. He's really cool and we got chatting before we even ended up on a tribe together and I like people who take the time to approach me. I think he is a strong gamer and honestly I'd like to have someone like that close to me because they know what's going on. He's also a really nice guy so hopefully something could work out there. Jessy - I LOVE Jessy. She's got so much positive energy and is just a bundle of fun. Everyone must love her..right? RIGHT? I'd really like to work with her too but I think her and Matt have played with each other previously but I'm yet to find out if that ended ugly or not. Ultimately her and him would be my 2 main choices on this tribe. Steffen - We have a lot of mutuals but we've never actually got to play together so it's fun being on a tribe with someone I know well-ish. He is kind of known for being a bit.....loose with words so I've gotta be careful there. I also think he's pretty close with Abbey so there's that... Abbey - Really had to force myself through a conversation with her. I just don't think we're gonna have any longevity together in the game. She's kind of....bland? I don't know maybe I just need to try harder. I'm just not getting the positive energy like I have with the rest on this tribe. I'll need to get to the root of the Jessy/Matt conundrum though b/c it could become a case of her being the swing. Other people: Jimmy - Love Jimmy, he's easy to talk with and definitely an ally going down the road since I don't think he knows many people here. Lydia - Honestly? Still struggle to talk with her. I think if I can get her to give me info that's what I can hope for at best. Definitely don't see us replicating some Port Royal alliance. J.C. - I love them! I wish they were around more often because they have an Irish connection which is lol. I think they'd be someone I'd like to work with in the future. Ric - Ric is a cutie, but he's also messy as fuck. Nearly cost me my game last time we played together in Sicily AND left with 2 idols. Gage - I'd love to work with Gage, definitely need to start shooting him a few messages. We know each other from different series but he's a player and will cut you so I'll be weary. 

Everyone else I've not spoken to since opening night TBH. Jack gave me a cool vibe so idk. Kait gave a shitty one so probably ain't gonna go after that one. Simon...lol. Maybe i'll send him a message fo the lols. And I've still not even added Logan or Pat, whoever they are!

This vote is rough. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's exactly why I wanted to avoid going back to tribal in Game B. I want to work with Emma, Jenn, and Owen, buuuut I can't!!! Do that!!!! If we're going to tribal!!!!! Like, I even thought of a way to keep us all in the game, but with Emma being on vacation, communication with her has been limited. And the plan requires a lot of trust between all four of us. Basically it would be that one of the people safe in Game A (Jenn, Owen, and myself) would sacrifice their life in Game B to keep in Emma, who is definitely going home in Game A. But again, with Emma being gone, I don't think she was able to gain enough trust with Jenn and Owen to make them willing to rock the boat for her. I have no problem throwing away my Game B life, mostly because doing this move would shake up what's been kind of a stale game thus far, but even I'm not sure if I trust Owen enough to want to. Between Emma and Owen, I definitely think Emma is the better ally. But I don't trust him to keep things on the down-low, and my plan would kinda backfire if someone outside of us for knew about it. I can't vote Owen out either, since he's safe in Game A and could blow up Jenn and I's games by revealing our alliance to the One World chat. I really wanted Emma to go far, especially after what happened to her in Olympics. I've wanted to play in a game with her for a long time too. This is suuuch a bummer....

Dear Diary, 

It's been a rough one. I won immunity on both tribes, but at what cost? My loving, caring, amazing, perfect, showmance is going to tribal and so is Jenn. Jenn is just okay, but I still care about her safety. Logan apparently was being a weirdo about keeping Emma instead of Owen, which like I get yk! I get it you have your pals and want them to be safe! But Jenn is gonna get what Jenn wants like that's just how it works friendo! 

Anyways Diary, I'm really pissed I didn't get to go on the adventure! Especially, since Jakey got this cool record player thing that flips the immunity results. I can't wait to be fucked over by it! But he can make the losing tribe be safe and the winning one go to tribal, so that's kind of yikeridoodlydoos!!! Anywhooooo! I gave him the idol clue for shits and giggles tbh. Probably a bad idea in the long run but honestly I hardly even want the idol! So WHATESJDK  whatever idk who cares im just here to have a good time hehehehee 

Also Emma is leaving apparently. I know what's going on in the game unlike Ricardo who messaged me once today asking me if i was going to tribal and I said no and he goes oh okay and doesn't message me again. Okay hunty!

Okay Diary thank you, love always, 

Lil Kait

so at the start of this round, alex gave owen his immunity idol clue, and owen gave his clue to jake. jake gave the clue to me and we had a whole plan to get to the idol system first and find the idol or whatever it is and i thought i had a good chance because the immunity challenge was something i'm really good at but my tribe wasn't really good at it, so i didn't get to find it :(

i think i did really good in the challenge though to the point my tribes might see that i'm useful but i think i'm not in the clear just yet. matt and steven are definitely working together and matt implied that to me that he's talked to him the second most and honestly? i don't trust matt for shit. he tried to butter me up and say that i'm the "only one he talks to" as if! 

in the tribe chat he said his score was 8 and then he said it was 7 and nearly made me go to tribal council and i think it was a mistake but i think my tribe thinks he's a shady heck and that's cool whatever idc! 

i have zero alliances and i really want that to change, but i literally don't know how to work with these people. i really don't think they like me that much, so i'm really praying for a swap. 

jake found the record thing at the adventure thanks to owen's help and i know he's more loyal to me than owen. thanks owen for handing him the golden record though. it's not exactly an idol because you only have one hour to use it and that's scary as shit.

emma's leaving tonight on both tribes and i'm honestly heartbroken :( she's literally a queen and now i'm running out of people i was going to work with. i had a dream i was going to be in an alliance with her and jake but i guess it just won't work out.

i'm disappointed i couldn't find the golden record for myself. i have to try really hard in these challenges or i'm going to be voted off. i think jc might be the hudson tribe boot if we ever go to tribal council, but with this dual tribe twist, i think if both my tribes lose, people will just vote me off in order to have the game move faster. i really hope that doesn't happen, and i'll just HAVE to try much harder socializing to ensure it doesn't.

literally pray for me

[harmonizedheroine]

Winter2017

I. Confused - Jan2

Here I am, sitting at the mesmerizing cliffs of dover pretending that I am making decisions that are worthwhile, writing words that I thought could offer me solace. It is my last year here and I fear that there is no clarity near, like I will always be drowning in the same relentless cycle of malcontent.

It’s almost choking me at this point, the thickness of the grime from that past year inching up towards my cranium, threatening to fill up my brain with its thoughtless dark.

But, at the stroke of midnight all of that passed. The silent orb of brightness escaped the shadows and caressed my face… “You’re so beautiful.” I melt under rays of endless summer that promise me joy, joy and nothing more.

I remember, there was a cloudy shine awaiting me outside, but I shouldn’t have left. What if I missed it. The chance, the opportunity, the perfect one.

But, there’s a whole year. A whole year to figure out how I can near my inevitable bliss because I know one day I can reach it. I can achieve happiness and I am willing to persevere whatever obstacles I must in order to do so.

“This is my year,” they all say each year. But, I mean it. This is the year that I take control of my life because fate is passing. I have to do something because if I don’t, who will?

So, this is me…and these are the ramblings of a mad woman. I can’t wait to spend the next year with you and I hope this post grows as long as….the Nile River.

II. Ability - Jan5

I want to be able to…

reach the moon with only the help of one balloon,

break through the walls with a single push…pop,

make my childhood last as long as infinity

time and record the blissful surrender into calamity

witness the dark and passionate affair with a soul that of Dorian’s

worry even the smallest person passing me by

capture the attention of an untamed lion with a gaze

because god only knows what I’d be without you.

III. Weirdo - Jan7

Dude, so apparently it’s #wastemytime2k17 because I have been scammed, yet again. Honestly, it would have been dope if Joanne the Scammer herself had scammed me, but alas...t’was not. So, basically, Nate is over which is a rough situation for me to be in, having had liked him and spent a lot of time with him for several months. I still have his bracelet. He gave me literally $170 worth of Vans and I can’t return a pair because I wore it BUT I plan on returning the other pair because it just feels wrong.

He literally ripped my heart out. I drove to Megan’s after I made up a very smooth excuse that my mom needed me home. It was 2am. It made sense. I just didn’t wanna cry in front him...So, I just dipped. Like...it was just a boozy night. What the heckaroons, 2017 is MY year. People have to stop trying to ruin my year. But, you see, that only ruined my week. I’ll get over it. No one is worth my year. And, in the coming months, I will forget all about it and him. I just need a little bit of time!

Donald Glover’s Weirdo is one of the best one-hour stand-up’s I’ve ever seen. It is insanely funny and I love Donald Glover because he is an absolute gem. It totally repaired my night. And I found out that I’m the bomb. Like what an L for Nate. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I mean...he doesn’t like Kanye which is like fine whatever I guess I get it. But, then he said he doesn’t like Frank Ocean because he’s too mainstream. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN. Also, he’s not into Star Wars???  I was shook. 

I found out several things from my time with Nathan. If a boy says he doesn’t like the major things that I like....AKA FRANK FREAKING OCEAN (like who doesn’t like him), then that means that something is up. I also learned that I can be like really nice sometimes or...you know what I’m saying? Like I can be really really nice when people are really really nice to me. Reciprocation was a big takeaway word from this lesson. I honestly think that it ended because cuffing szn has officially concluded. Onto living life to the fullest. This is my year. And I can’t wait to makeout with cute college boys at parties again (haha kidding, but at the same time let me LIVE, mom).

IV. Quirky - Jan11

frick

frickity 

frack goes the click clack

goon

fiend

shoots patoots

any form of the word baboon

baboon

baboonery

to be continued….

V. Takeaway - Jan12

I figured from a few posts ago that I learned something or, you know, a lesson from each of the boys that I’ve spent time with, whether short or long or recurring like Megan Fox on New Girl...it’s all a struggle. But, let’s take it from the start!

Ben - Cool cat. All I can take away from this is that we were both fetuses and it was the longest relationship that I’ve ever been in (1 year I think??), yet it wasn’t even one lol. But, he’s the bomb and we’re still really good friends. I guess I can take away from this that exes CAN be besties.

Nick - My on-and-off boyfriend. We’re currently off, obviously, and hopefully forever. I learned from this kiddo that I love funny guys, they’re the best. I was really sad to see junior Nick turn into a douchebag compared to the Nick I knew just a few years before. I learned that I don’t deserved to be cheated on and that boys can be boozy. It was just ratchet. And I’m dope. Also, friends with benefits works only in the rarest of occasions and please don’t enter that sort of relationship with you EX. Bad idea, buddy.

Ethan - He spent more time with video games then paying attention to me. Obviously, the lesson here is that that is completely dumb and I’m dope. Except, it also showed that drummers are my kryptonite (reference one of my two biggest high school crushes: Matthew Butler). But, yeah, I love video games and I can totally play and actually enjoy that shit because...they’re dope. But, it was just boozy.

Ted - Okay, this is the first boy to take me out on dates and it was literally so adorable and I loved how much effort he put into things because he liked me. We went to the city and the zoo and you know all of this cute shit. But, it was supposed to be casual. He was perfect and amazing, but it was destined to end. I learned that you can’t make someone like you. The whole time, I thought that he would maybe realize that he would want to actually be with me. FALSE. But, it’s okay. Because I still enjoyed my time with him.

Yash - Yeah, it was fun. But, I hate boys that love drama. I know he kept saying that he hates drama, but I literally told one person about Yash and he flipped shit and it wasn’t cute. Also, after a while, he stopped being all cute and nice. Not cute. I learned that assholes are never fun, to not take people’s shit, and that I deserve like waaay better lol. 

Nate - He was absolutely too nice to me and he treated me fantastically. Totally sweet and caring and compassionate and kind. But, that can only amount to so much. That could only come to be so much, though, you know? From my last post about him, I could say that I learned liking a few of my major likes like Frank Ocean are kind of important. I want to talk to someone about everything, even like intellectual stuff. He was absolutely too good to me, but in the end I wasn’t enough. Which is okay because I’m enough for myself. I learned that nice guys definitely don’t finish last, that I’m a great girlfriend, and that I deserved someone who goes to the third floor (future me: I hope you remember what this means lol. I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO GOES TO THE THIRD FREAKING FLOOR, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.

VI. Enough - Jan14

IM SORRY FOR ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIP POSTS... my love life is boozy and I promise to fill this szn-long post with more fulfilling and relevant life stories and shiz because this relationship drama is getting boring.

my relationships have all ended with one word in mind looming over me for weeks on end afterwards: enough.

i feel like i’m never enough. i get that boys like me, maybe even a lot do/could. but they never like me enough. i just want someone to care about me enough to not cheat and actively tell themselves that they would never cheat because…in all honesty, i think i’m a fairly good person. it’s not like im an awful girlfriend or even an awful person. you know…i get that people can “like” me, but they just don’t like me enough…enough to want to keep me in a real relationship, to try. because i try. i always try and lose myself to trying to make people happy, whether it’s with relationships or even just my friendships. i always exert all of my energy and find none of it reciprocated. and i guess im not really complaining, it just sucks you know?

all starts with nick. im not enough for him to stay loyal (these hoes aint loyal). for ted, i wasn’t enough for him to keep once northwestern started. for yash i wasnt enough for him to not eventually treat me like trash, straight up. for nate, i wasn’t enough to put his faith in, until college and maybe even further.

like i hate getting my hopes up, waiting for something that would never happen, and just trying so hard to care about people who couldn’t even…i dont know. its just…im tired. im so so tired and so discouraged and boys keep treating me like trash and ugh.

it might sound dumb or whatever, but i feel like i deserve more than this at least. because im enough for myself and that’s for sure. so if im not enough for other people, then that’s on them. seriously.

what just tears me apart is the whole nate thing right now. like yeah for sure im talking to danny right now and he’s an absolute dreamboat, but the whole nate situation still manages to upset me, you know? like he’s literally pretending that i don’t exist. it’s like we don’t know eachother. and he doesn’t wanna date me because college. well yeah, but that’s in 7-8 months. Also…I’m not the type of person to cheat or leave someone as soon as I see the first cute person at college. I feel like I would care more than that. rough. yet another case to validate the fact that nothing ever goes.

so here i am now, going back to my fall go-to of “casual” things with people. because i don’t want to cry over a guy again. freaking 2017 is my year. im over it. lmao. sorry i just needed to rant, please don’t read this :/

VI. Scammed - Jan20

There has been an update. 

I’ve been informed by Megan and Max, two excellent sources, that I was, in fact, scammed by Nathaniel. So, it turns out that he kind of used me to see if he could get over Corey. Throughout the two-three months, I was actually just part of a social, personal-discovery-esque experiment. A lab rat, of sorts. Which is absolutely bogus, in my humble opinion. 

So, right after he broke things off with me, he goes straight to Corey, pours his heart out to her, says he still loves her, and they kiss. Fast forward to him bringing her to the opening night of my show, the school musical which he damn well knew I was in. I didn’t know about the whole “Still In Love With Corey” thing at the time, so I freaked out to Megan and was super down about what I was hypothesizing was them being back together. 

So quick for him to jump the boat. Anyways, after that, I heard that Corey told him she doesn’t want to be in a relationship again. Sucks for Nate, truly. And I really have 0% desire to be petty about this and talk about how karma had it coming for him. Because I don’t believe that.

Out of all people, I would understand very well the situation he was in. To like someone, but still be in love with the last one. I think I was just super unlucky to be caught in the crossfire of something happening. It’s kind of like Ross’ girlfriends throughout the show. Everyone knew he would end up with Rachel because he always loved Rachel and those poor girls in between were just unlucky people caught in the crossfire. Yeah, he liked them. But, Rachel was always the one. I’m not Nate’s Rachel and that is absolutely fine with me. 

If I think about it, in the long run, it wouldn’t have worked either. He doesn’t know anything about politics and I love talking about politics. He hates Frank Ocean, Chance the Rapper, Kanye, and literally just everyone that I like but listens to heavy metal all the time because it has amazing drums YET he doesn’t like rock and alternative rock because???? He doesn’t go to the third floor. And he’s not planning to go to college and I am. I want someone who can care about me, make me laugh, and who I can talk to about anything. And it just wasn’t there with Nate. 

(also, megan and max said it wouldn’t have worked out anyways because he’s a virgo and i’m an aquarius. sounds like bullshit, but i read up on it and it all was so real so i guess that theory checks out)

What I’m really just upset about is that I had to be the pawn in this. I wish I was just left out, that I never had my feelings hurt. You know what? I actually take that back. I wish that he told me the truth when he broke it off. You know? “I really like you, but I think I’m still in love with Corey and I’d hate to hurt you while I’m still confused and going through this,” would have been a lovely approach at breaking it to me. I wish you told me this BEFORE I wasn’t New Years hanging out with you :/ Well, whatever. New year, new me (minus Nate!)

VII. Questioning - Jan22

I just don’t know where I stand in the world right now.

I’m sitting here, on my couch, crying more than I have in a long time because I am so afraid that my parents won’t love me no matter what.

I was born into a faith, a life which was chosen and destined for me. Roman Catholicism would be my religion and that was the final word. As I grew up, with the influence of my environment and the people that I’ve come across throughout my years, I’ve slowly but surely come closer to finding who I am. And, with that, comes doubt. For a really long time now I’ve had so much doubt in my religion and so many questions and...it strikes me. What is the purpose of it all? I understand the reach it has for certain people; I understand the bond and importance of this religion and its impact on so many lives. But, I just don’t know if I believe in it all. I mean, of course, I think I do. But, was I just conditioned to think that way? Is this all the culmination of my whole life being surrounded and pushed into this lifestyle? I’m so lost and have so many questions.

Less than twenty minutes ago, I asked my parents if I could skip church this week to study. I have so much homework because of the musical and I still have a shift pretty soon. Of course, my dad freaks out.

I understand that I have amazing parents who are completely not strict on me at all and I am so thankful for my freedom that’s been allotted to me. But, what struck me was when I almost made my dad cry when I said that I feel no spiritual connection in going to church anymore. “This isn’t how we raised you,” he said, voice painfully cracking. He walked away to get some water. I just didn’t know what to say. Because it was true. It was the full disclosure: I don’t understand why church is important for me to prove my faith. Why is there more importance placed on this one hour of the week then actively trying to spend time with me or get to know me.

I want my parents to know me: know what music I like and how much I love it, know my political views and why and just take time to understand instead of debate against it. I want to have dinner with my parents again because I just have not been home this entire year. I study so hard and I just...I’m missing part of myself to this.

What struck me during my tear-driven talk with my parents was when my dad said something about “non-negotiable” and I was hurt. “Religion is non-negotiable?” I’ve known for years now that I wasn’t planning on attending church in college, but I’ve never said it out loud.

I think that before you further your spiritual connection at things like church and mass, you have to establish your connections here on Earth. Show activism in your connections to people, show you care, and strengthen that before you try and “prove” it in a setting like church. I think that one hour does not define you and that you can be a fantastic person and Christian without it. I think I want to work on being a better person first. Of course, Catholicism helps in matters of after-life...faith of a world after this one. But, how can that work of there’s not importance placed on the life we have now?

There is nothing more that I value than what my parents think of me and I never want to disappoint them-- one could argue that that is my first priority. But, it comes at a price because I find myself sacrificing who I am to serve this false facade, giving them the perfect image of the daughter that they raised the “right way”...

I’m still lost and don’t really know where I stand on this. I don’t know. And I don’t think I have to have all the answers, at least not yet.