#i try to have grace guys it's been 10 years but it still makes me so angry

[mykashg]

omg i COMPLETELY forgot about the pharmaceutical lady pete sleeps with who figures out what the warehouse is and becomes a regent?????? that literally would have been the perfect love interest for him?????? kelly left because she couldn't handle the stakes that came with the warehouse even before she KNEW what it was plus this is literally a few eps after the baby wish fulfilment ep where he worries no one will be able to deal w the warehouse life and here's a smoking hot intelligent woman who does not hesitate to take on the responsibility of being a regent?????? it's literally the perfect set up???? we could have had that like imagine pete dating A REGENT and the dynamic w his mom too omg

[miueo]

𐙚 my little idol ♥︎．。．:*･° chap ii ✿

ᰔᩚ      ︶ྀི    debut ; salty & sweet .

summary : you're currently in a new girl group underneath jyp entertainment ! your group is performing well on charts, you have a stable fanbase, and many bops to listen to! you try your best to avoid dating scandals for the sake of your reputation and status but it's all ruined by a very popular group of boys.

pairings : ot8!skz ♡ femidol!reader !

warnings : heavy on smut, sexualization & objectification, perversion, obsession, taboo / dark concepts (for some members, not all !) , mental physical / health issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), coercion, unsolicited pictures, more to be announced.

notes : i am having so much fun writing this and creating ideas for this. you have no fucking idea.

taglist : @p0eticjust1c3 @yunjinswifee @sky00ung @pinkdranks @bloominhos @mi-mi-mu @nasiaisan @kitkat1sstuff @hyunjinhoexxx @theinsanebish

selected song for fic : chapter playlist ✿ !!

the day of 4ura’s debut had finally arrived, a culmination of years of hard work, dreams, and relentless dedication. the air buzzed with excitement as fans gathered, eagerly anticipating the first glimpse of jyp entertainment’s newest girl group. their debut album, “feel,” promised a unique blend of songs that showcased their diverse talents, with the title track “salty & sweet” leading the charge.

the album, a carefully curated collection, included tracks like “nobody knows”, “underwater”, “diorama”, “colouring”, “candy crush”, “bamboleo”, “rewind”, and “perfect 10”. each song was chosen to highlight the group’s vocal prowess, dynamic choreography, and unique charm.

❁

as the lights dimmed and the intro to “salty & sweet” began, y/n, olivia, minjeong, and autumn took their places on stage. the music pulsed through the speakers, and the girls moved with a synchronicity that spoke of countless hours spent perfecting their performance. y/n’s voice soared, carrying the emotional weight of the song, while olivia’s electrifying dance moves captivated the audience. minjeong’s presence was mesmerizing, her visual appeal enhancing the performance, and autumn’s powerful rap delivery added an edge that completed the group’s dynamic sound.

throughout the performance, the emotions were palpable. y/n’s eyes shone with determination and a touch of nervous excitement, while olivia’s energy was infectious, drawing the audience into the performance. minjeong’s grace and confidence radiated, and autumn’s intensity underscored the group’s commitment to making a lasting impression.

as the final notes of “salty & sweet” echoed in the venue, the audience erupted into applause. the girls exchanged relieved and elated glances, the weight of their debut moment lifting as they soaked in the adoration of their new fans. backstage, the atmosphere was electric with celebration and a sense of accomplishment.

❁

while they were catching their breath and reveling in the afterglow of their successful debut, they ran into the members of stray kids. bang chan, the leader of stray kids, approached y/n with a warm smile.

“hey, y/n!! you guys did fucking insane. this is probably one of the best debut stages of our generation..” bang chan said, his voice full of genuine admiration.

y/n, still slightly breathless, smiled back as her cheeks heated up slightly. “thank you so much, chan! it means a lot coming from you.”

bang chan nodded, his eyes reflecting his sincerity. “you all really brought the energy and emotion to the stage. i could tell how much heart you put into it.”

y/n felt a surge of pride and gratitude. “we really wanted to make a strong impression. it’s been a long journey to get here.”

bang chan chuckled. “trust me, i know the feeling. but you guys nailed it. welcome to the family, 4ura.”

with that, the stray kids members offered their congratulations and words of encouragement, further solidifying the camaraderie within the jyp family. as y/n and her groupmates basked in the support of their peers, they knew this was just the beginning of an incredible journey. with their debut performance behind them and the world at their feet, 4ura was ready to take on the k-pop world, one stage at a time.

as the initial excitement of their debut began to settle, y/n found herself lingering on bang chan’s words of encouragement. she had always admired stray kids for their relentless work ethic, musical versatility, and the genuine camaraderie they shared both on and off stage. bang chan, in particular, stood out to her as a figure of leadership and creativity, someone she deeply respected.

as the group continued mingling with the stray kids members, y/n couldn’t help but feel a growing desire to get to know them better. she admired their ability to stay grounded despite their success and often looked to them as role models during her trainee days. now, standing in the same room, she felt an opportunity to bridge the gap between admiration and friendship.

gathering her courage, y/n approached bang chan once more. “chan, i wanted to say again how much your support means to me and the group. i’ve been a huge fan of stray kids since my trainee days. your music and the way you lead the group… it’s really inspiring.”

bang chan smiled, clearly touched by her words. “thank you, y/n. that means a lot. we all started somewhere, and seeing new groups like 4ura debut with such passion is a reminder of why we do what we do.”

feeling a surge of confidence, y/n took a deep breath and continued, “i was wondering, since we’re labelmates and all, if you’d be interested in hanging out sometime? maybe we could grab coffee or something in the building? i’d love to learn more about your experiences and get to know you and the other members better.”

bang chan’s face lit up with enthusiasm. “that sounds great! i’m sure the other guys would love to join too. we could definitely use a break and some good company. how about tomorrow afternoon? there’s a great café in the building that we often hang out at.”

y/n’s heart raced with excitement and relief. “tomorrow afternoon sounds perfect. I’ll let the girls know too. thanks, chan!”

as they wrapped up their conversation, y/n felt a renewed sense of anticipation. the chance to bond with bang chan and the other stray kids members was an unexpected but welcome opportunity. she hoped that these small moments of connection would pave the way for lasting friendships within the jyp family.

with a successful debut and the promise of new friendships on the horizon, y/n felt ready to take on whatever challenges and adventures lay ahead. the support and camaraderie within jyp entertainment were already proving to be invaluable, and she looked forward to growing not just as an artist, but as part of a larger, supportive community.

❁

the next afternoon, the jyp building buzzed with its usual energy, but for y/n, the anticipation of meeting stray kids for coffee added an extra layer of excitement. as she and her groupmates, olivia, minjeong, and autumn, made their way to the café, they chatted about the debut and the positive feedback they had received.

when they arrived, they saw bang chan and a few stray kids members already seated, waving them over with welcoming smiles. y/n’s heart skipped a beat as she spotted chan, his easygoing demeanor putting her at ease.

“hey, guys!” chan greeted them warmly. “glad you could make it. these are han, felix, and changbin.”

after exchanging introductions and settling into their seats, the conversation flowed naturally. they discussed everything from their training days to favorite foods, laughing and sharing stories. as the afternoon progressed, y/n found herself drawn to chan’s infectious energy and genuine interest in their debut experience.

at one point, as the others were engaged in a lively discussion about dance routines, chan turned to y/n. “so, y/n, how are you feeling after the debut? must be quite a whirlwind, huh?”

y/n nodded, her eyes sparkling. “it’s been amazing, but also overwhelming. there’s so much to take in. but having supportive colleagues like you makes it all feel a bit easier.”

chan’s gaze softened. “i’m glad to hear that. You did an incredible job. your vocals were just… wow.”

y/n felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. “thank you, chan. that means a lot coming from you.”

chan leaned in slightly, lowering his voice. “you know, i was really impressed with how you handled the stage. it’s not easy to command an audience like that on your first try.”

their eyes locked, and y/n felt a flutter in her stomach. “thanks, chan. i’ve always looked up to you and the guys. your performances are always so captivating.”

a mischievous glint appeared in chan’s eyes. “well, if you ever want some tips or just hang out more, you’re always welcome to drop by my studio. in fact, i was planning to work on some new music later tonight. want to join me?”

y/n’s heart raced at the invitation. “i’d love that. what time?”

chan smiled, a hint of playfulness in his expression. “how about 9 pm? i’ll be there. we can grab some snacks and see where the night takes us.”

“sounds perfect,” y/n replied, her voice steady despite the excitement bubbling within her.

the rest of the coffee meet-up continued with lighthearted banter and shared laughter, but y/n’s thoughts kept drifting to the upcoming studio session. as they parted ways, chan gave her a quick, reassuring wink, solidifying the connection they had made.

❁

later that night, y/n arrived at the studio at 9 PM sharp. the building was quieter now, the usual hustle and bustle replaced by a serene stillness. she knocked softly on the studio door, and it opened to reveal chan, who greeted her with a warm smile.

“hey, y/n. come on in,” he said, stepping aside to let her enter. the studio was cozy, filled with various instruments, sound equipment, and a few personal touches that made it uniquely Chan’s space.

“wow, this place is amazing,” y/n said, looking around in awe.

“thanks,” Chan replied, his eyes crinkling with his smile. “it’s my little creative haven. make yourself comfortable.”

they settled in, and chan began showing y/n some of the tracks he was working on. as they chatted about music and life, the atmosphere grew more relaxed and intimate.

“you know, i’ve always wanted to collaborate with someone as talented as you,” chan said, his tone sincere.

y/n felt a warmth spread through her. “that means a lot, chan. i’ve always admired your work. this feels like a dream.”

“well, let’s make it a reality,” chan replied, his eyes twinkling. “how about we start with some melodies and see where it takes us?”

they spent the next few hours lost in music, their creative energies blending seamlessly. between takes and discussions, their conversations grew more personal, filled with laughter and shared stories.

❁

as the night deepened, the cozy ambiance of chan’s studio, coupled with the soothing melodies they were creating, began to take its toll on y/n. she stifled a yawn, trying to stay focused on the lyrics they were working on. chan noticed and chuckled softly.

“feeling tired?” he asked gently, his voice a comforting murmur.

y/n shook her head slightly, trying to shake off the drowsiness. “a little. it’s been a long day, but i don’t want to stop just yet.”

chan smiled, appreciating her determination. “how about we take a short break? i can make us some coffee.”

“that sounds great,” y/n replied, grateful for the suggestion.

as chan moved to the small kitchenette in the corner of the studio, y/n leaned back on the plush couch, closing her eyes for just a moment. the soft hum of the equipment and the faint melodies still playing lulled her into a state of relaxation.

by the time chan returned with two steaming mugs of coffee, he found y/n fast asleep, her head resting against the back of the couch, her breathing steady and peaceful. he set the mugs down quietly, a soft smile spreading across his face as he watched her.

“guess you really were tired,” he whispered to himself, not wanting to wake her.

❁

in the darkness of the space, y/n fluttered her eyes open, the clock saying 4 am. still feeling drowsy and exhausted from being constantly occupied with her group’s debut, she looked over at chan’s sleeping body and a sudden flare of lust gleamed in her large seraphic eyes.

quietly, y/n slinked at the foot of the couch, biting her bottom lip while pulling down chan’s pants and trunks altogether. the mere view made the y/n’s mouth water as her body shook in anticipation.

with quivering lips, y/n started licking and coating the chan’s length with her saliva, getting themselves excited as well. her eyes peered up as they carefully engulfed chan’s hardening member and started to bob their head slowly.

feeling already wet, y/n started to touch herself, emitting some feeble moans against the shaft. soon out of breath and yearning for something more, y/n panted as quietly as possible with their head resting on chan’s thigh.

“who told you to stop?” y/n, the girl who froze like a deer in headlights and then looked up at chan’s smirking face. “you wanted to ride my cock like a slut, didn't you. you couldn't even wait for me to wake up, huh. or maybe you find my sleeping face hot?”

gulping at chan’s harsh, husky voice, y/n then started licking the tip of the throbbing length. a yelp escaped their lips when the dom suddenly pushed their head down till the shaft reached the back of their throat. “now you finish what you started.”

y/n gagged softly around chan’s cock, pulling away swiftly before stroking his length up and down with her delicate hands.

“ugh.. i need you in me so bad!!” y/n cried out as she got back up, sitting herself down on his lap before pulling her skirt up, moving her cotton white panties aside exposing her soaked cunt.

chan chuckles maliciously, grabbing his phone and hitting the record button on his phone.

“show the people how much of a fucking slut you are. your fans could never imagine how much of a whore you are for attention like this..” he breathes out behind the camera.

y/n slowly sat herself down on his cock. he had the perfect amount of girth and length, it felt so delicious in her little tummy.

chan grabs her body and slams her back against the leather couch, he kept his phone in his hand as he thrusts into her slippery cunt at an animalistic pace.

a little y/n, fucked dumb laid beneath her senior almost like a doll. high pitched screams and whimpers escaped her mouth as she arched her back against the couch; and seeing them as such was pure achievement for chan.

their hips slammed forward consistently, rough thrusts unstopping despite y/n’s state — in fact, the very view only encouraged chan to treat them more belligerently.

chan watched how the female idol’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, almost as if she was lifeless. she was in euphoria. she had been dreaming about this moment.

it was utter entertainment for chan knowing his admirer was too immersed in their pleasure and too dumb to talk back, taking the very opportunity to spit on them and degrade them while filming every moment.

“i can’t wait to see what more you have in that little pretty mind of yours, my little idol.”

[ghost-proofbaby]

twenty four hours (modern!eddie munson x fem!reader)

HOUR SEVEN

in which you come to a few realizations while remembering the very first night you'd met eddie. a phone call with steve leaves you with more questions than answers.

→ tropes: enemies to lovers, forced proximity, slow burn

→ warnings: strong language, eventual smut, heavier angst this chapter but all will be well soon, two uses of y/n, upside down does not exist, minors dni

→ word count: 4.4k+

→ a/n: shorter chapter today but the focus here is the memory! finally making some progress haha. also trying out something new with formatting/the summary situation. if i hate it, i'll probably change it. <3 also, italicized portion is a memory.

masterlist.

spotify playlist.

◁ previous part, next part▷

7:00 ────ㅇ────────────── 24:00

DINGUS: [image attachment]

DINGUS: y/n just texted me this. we’re not getting an update this hour. 

BIRDIE: what the hell happened?

DINGUS: she hasn’t said yet, as you can see in the photo, robs. 

ARGYLE  😎: what do we THINK happened? 

BIRDIE: my best bet is fighting? 

ARGYLE 😎: lover’s quarrel? Makes sense. 

BIRDIE: i’m adding nance back into the chat

BIRDIE added NANCE to the groupchat.

BIRDIE: @NANCE explain what you meant earlier please. we’re having a code red. the bad kind. 

DINGUS: there’s a good kind of code red?

NANCE: Oh God, what happened? 

DINGUS: y/n texted me saying she fucked up, and we’re assuming either she’s finally murdered eddie, or they’re fighting again.

NANCE: I can call Eddie, if you guys want?

JOHNNY: So does this mean we’re all $500 richer?

BIRDIE: @JOHNNY if you still think this is about the money, you’re a fucking idiot

—

HOUR SEVEN - 10:00 PM

There had been a time in your life where you believed you didn’t hold a single mean bone in your body. A time where you were soft-spoken, a time where you overflowed with kindness and dotted out compliments to random strangers. There was once a version of you in this lifetime that worked so fervently to be the type of person people liked and enjoyed the company of. You always swore to always treat others with the same grace as you would prefer to receive as well.

A year ago, that version of you had been sidetracked. 

You stare at the wooden frame of Eddie’s door with blank eyes. He wasn’t going to open it any time soon. You’d tried knocking multiple times, calling out to him in a soft voice, begging and pleading and begging and pleading. His response continued to be silence. 

“All I’ve ever done is hurt you.”

With the haze clearing, in the midst of the aftermath and sour clarity, you wish you would have corrected him. Eddie and you had surely hurt each other countless times, but it is not all he’s ever done. 

You can remember the better moments clearly now. The time you’d tripped walking up the steps of one of the bars on Main Street, and Eddie had been the only person in your friend group to stop completely, reflectively reaching out to catch you from embarrassing yourself. The night of your birthday, in which he hadn’t come to the party due to “work” as Steve had explained, but had sent a card along with your friends that contained a gift card to your favorite coffee shop. You hadn’t even realized he knew your favorite coffee shop, and you’d come to find out that he didn’t even ask a single one of your mutual friends for it. You’d brushed it off as a lucky guess. And there was the time you’d forgotten your wallet during a brunch with the group, and he hadn’t hesitated to pick up your bill with his own. He didn’t even give Robin the chance to argue; he’d simply snatched your bill from across the table when you’d paled as you dug through your bag, and didn’t say a word about you paying him back. 

Small moments. Glimpses of kindness, bandages on wounds that you’d been ignoring to keep up a war between the two of you that you’d always assumed he’d started. 

Eddie Munson wasn’t the enemy, and the first night you two met was never a red herring; it was a glimpse into who he actually was. A clear look past the armor he hadn’t formed yet when it came to you. 

—

A YEAR AGO

“They’re going to love you!” Robin insists as she continues to shove you from behind through the entrance of the bar. Steve is ahead of you, guiding you through the rough crowd to the table the rest of the group had already snagged. 

You turn your head over your shoulder, reaching up and grabbing the hand that Robin rested on you, “You don't know that. What if they hate me? What if they think I’m the worst person they’ve ever met?” 

Even as you wore a smile, there was a truth to the fear in your words. You were petrified that these strangers, strangers who meant so much to your only friends on campus, would turn their noses to you. There was nothing Robin or Steve could do to extinguish the fear. It was already a terrible knot in the pit of your stomach, tying and untying itself like a nuisance as Steve started to wave at a brunette who had been scanning the bar as if waiting for someone. 

She’s pretty. Wavy hair barely brushing her shoulders, sharp features accentuated in the shadows of the busy location. The moment her blue eyes locked on Steve, all the concentration on her face faded to be replaced with an excited smile. 

She returns the wave, and the boys surrounding her at the table all glance in your direction. 

You’re still half-hidden behind Steve as the three of you approach the group. Robin bounds out from behind you, scooping the woman you assumed was the famous Nancy into a barrelling hug. Your eyes flickered to the boy sat to Nancy’s right, shaggy hair flopping against his forehead and smile creases exposed as he nods to Steve and holds up his drink in greeting. Beside him, another man sits, long and shiny hair flowing over an outrageous Hawaiian print shirt and topped off with a baseball cap that looked to be the merchandise of a pizza shop. His smile is welcoming – something comforting in the relaxation of it. 

You’re almost completely captivated by the warmth that bled from the group when Steve and Robin are suddenly taking their seats. Robin sits beside Nancy, while Steve takes the seat across from the man with long hair. 

The only seat left open was between Steve and a man who’s back was turned to you. 

His hair is in a loose bun, unraveling against the nape of his neck.  You could see each and every defined curl. His broad shoulders stiffen beneath a leather jacket and denim vest, and his ring-clad hand cradles a short glass of something dark, something fizzy. 

“Alright, everyone!” Steve announces, turning and beckoning you to take this seat. Your stomach twists again, realizing you’d be sitting beside a stranger. One who had yet to even spare you a glance, “This is Y/N.” 

There’s rounds of greetings and introductions as you brush shoulders with the stranger to take your seat, and try as you might to keep up, all you can focus on is not looking at him. 

You’re guess was correct – the pretty girl that Robin had hugged was Nancy. The boy with floppy hair at her side was Jonathan, and the man with long hair told you his name is Argyle. His tone of casualty matches the comfort of his smile as he holds a hand out to you across the table, both your elbow and his brushing against empty baskets once filled with bar food as you shake. 

Finally, you turn to look at the stranger beside you, Steve reaching around to clasp his shoulder. 

“And mister oh-so-welcoming here is Eddie.” 

Eddie. He finally turns to look at you, with doleful eyes and a tight-lipped grin, and you almost forget how to breathe. 

He was intimidating. All broodish glances and stand-offish energy. But then Argyle cracks a joke, and suddenly, it all fades. The air in the room crackles frantically as you watch him chuckle slowly at first, until he finally descends into cackles with Steve and Jonathan alike. 

That’s when the first vine sprouts. 

The second one does when the conversation becomes overwhelming, and you find yourself lost amongst the sea of new friends. They’re nothing but friendly, trying to learn more about you but easily falling into well-established inside jokes at times. When you descend into silence as you watch them recount a story of a time that Argyle snuck them into his job after hours, you suddenly feel Eddie lean in closer to you.

“I think they tell this story every time they get drunk,” he whispers, tilting his head so that the words only reach your ears, “I’ve probably heard it a hundred times by now.” 

You bite back a smile, “Just tonight, or the entire time you’ve known them?” 

“Both.”

You have to fight hard to swallow down giggles, Eddie hiding his with a sip of his drink. A waiter who had taken your order nearly ten minutes ago arrives with your own drink. An amaretto sour. 

“I’m Eddie, by the way,” he says as you taste the drink. Its citrus bursts across your tongue and you nod.

“So Steve mentioned.” 

“Yeah, but I felt bad for not introducing myself,” he shrugs. You were facing him fully now, no longer trying to stick vehemently to Steve’s side. “I didn’t want to seem like a dick, just… had a long week.” 

You knew all about long weeks.

“I get it,” you assure him, “Are you in school, too?” 

“Night classes,” he supplies with a wave of his hand, “Midterms are a bitch, especially after working all day.” 

“Tell me about it. I think I’m about ten seconds away from getting fired at my current gig,” you joke, and Eddie laughs. It occurs to you that you’d probably do just about anything to hear his laugh more, and already begin to conjure up terrible jokes to pull that sound from him once more. It’s even more comforting than Argyle’s friendly cadence, than Steve’s elbow knocking yours to remind you he’s still there.

“Why would you think that?” Eddie’s nose scrunches, more curls falling against his cheek. Your drink is immediately forgotten. 

“He caught me talking shit,” another laugh falls from Eddie’s lips at your deadpan, more reserved than the previous but just as melodic, “I give it a week. He was already looking for a reason to send me to the chopping block. Says I talk too much to customers.” 

“Is that even possible?”

“Apparently.” 

For a moment, in the smoky bar, it’s just you and Eddie. All knotting nerves have been replaced by the weight of the vines that surge higher and higher in your chest, growing at impossible rates. They don’t strangle you like your fears of the night had; their weight is a comforting hold, something solid to reach out for in the unfamiliar territory of new socialization. Without the mask of intimidation, Eddie feels like an old friend. 

You assume that everyone else is distracted by their own conversation, but Robin catches the way you lean into him as the two of you joke. She nudges Nancy subtly, and they both share a look when Eddie blushes at you being impressed as he tells you that his battle vest is hand-sewn. 

Your vines are not as hidden as you assume they are, certainly not when the first bud of hopefulness begins to grow. 

“So how long have you known Steve?” you ask him quietly, still under the guise of the two of you having created your own small bubble of a moment. 

Eddie downs the last of his Jack & Coke, something you caught onto by smelling it on his breath when he had gotten particularly close to you during conversation, “Too long. We all met in high school, actually.” 

“Oh, don’t tell me that,” you groan, and your forehead dramatically falls into his shoulder without second-thought. He stiffens beneath the connection, “I’m infiltrating a friend group that’s stood the test of times? I’m doomed.” 

You nearly lift your head from his still stiff shoulder, afraid to make him uncomfortable, when he brings a hesitant hand to pat your back jokingly, “There, there. I think you’re fitting in fine.” 

“Just fine? Ouch,” you finally lift your head as you had planned to, just as Eddie had begun to relax into your touch. His hand doesn’t fall too far from your back, resting on the back of your chair. His shy grin is impossibly charming, “You could have just said I’m crashing and burning, you know?” 

The night carries on like that, you and Eddie lost in private conversations only to be occasionally dragged back in on whatever debate the group is having. It’s a spring reaction; once one or both of you have given your two cents, you return to one another, finding solitude in joking and Eddie updating you on the group’s ‘lore’, as he puts it. Steve shoots several glances in your direction, always prepared to offer comfort in what should be an overwhelming situation, but he never has to. Every time he glances at you, Eddie is already taking the lead of entertaining you, qualming all your anxieties into non-existence. 

Your vines decorate with buds of hope. Every laugh you pull from Eddie, every fleeting touch that passes between the two of you, every new inside joke he decides to make with you rather than indulging in ones set in stone already with old friends - they all whisper of new friendship. They whisper in potential, in new beginnings and coming home after long weeks. 

By the time Nancy announces she has to go to the restroom and invites you and Robin, you’re in full bloom. You’re convinced that Eddie is a friend. And you can see it in his eyes – he’s convinced of it too, looking nervous when you stand and agree to go with Nancy. He looks like a child about to lose their social crutch, and it has potential to be devastating.

It’s almost enough to make you ignore your bladder, but you need to pee, and you need to socialize with more than just Eddie tonight. 

You’re not sure what happens at the table during your trip to the bathroom. But something surely does happen as you giggle with the girls under the humming lights of the restroom, as you all stand in the mirror side by side and fiddle with your hair and makeup and Robin makes a comment about how terribly cliche the moment is. Nancy slaps her on the arm, mutters something about the importance of girls bonding, and when you return to the table, you see it immediately – Eddie’s mask of indifference has returned. 

His cheeks are flushed, and all the boys are sharing nervous glances between one another as you all sit down again. 

There’s no more fleeting touches. You sip on your now watered down drink, and you try and pull Eddie out from wherever he’s ventured in your absence, but it’s no use. A conversation was had while you girls had been in the restroom, and it left Eddie in his head, out of reach. The buds of hopefulness quiver on their vines, and you try to reassure yourself that it’s nothing personal. It’s nothing personal when he clearly holds back any laughs at your jokes you lean into his space to whisper to only him, it’s nothing personal when his arm never rests on the back of your chair again, it’s nothing personal when he won’t meet your eyes the rest of the night. 

It’s nothing personal, but it’s sorely disappointing. 

You end the night, everyone splitting up, Eddie heading off towards his motorcycle. He hadn’t even mentioned driving a motorcycle during the night, and you curse the way you watch him straddle the seat as he secures his helmet over his tied-back hair. You desperately wish to know what was said while you were in the bathroom, what had happened to make him retreat so far from you after spending the entirety of the night tending to the greenery that had grown attached to your ribcage. 

“You like him, don’t you?” Robin teases at your side, bumping shoulders. 

Something aches in you. The thrill of meeting someone new, of getting along, of finding them cute and endearing, is beyond your grasp. 

He didn’t even say goodbye. 

“I did,” you whisper softly. A reverberation of past-tense, an exhale of worry. 

You did. But he didn’t even say goodbye. 

—

Eddie still hasn’t opened the door. But to his defense, you haven’t tried knocking again. 

That ache from that night, the feeling of a delicate rush of possibility taunting you from a distance, still remains. Even amongst now rotted vines, even as petals fall from your hopeful buds. It never really went away. With each group hangout that followed, it echoed louder and louder, demanding to be heard and demanding to be felt as Eddie grew colder. You were an idiot the first few times; you’d still gravitated to him, falling right into his orbit and begging for his attention. You’d still seek him out in every room, craving to find the warmth that had once sparked in his eyes only to find them averted from you entirely. And when you couldn’t take the hint, when you wouldn’t leave him alone when Steve and Robin left you to your own devices at the hangouts, he became mean. 

You took it as a joke at first, but six months ago, something inside of you finally wisened up – it wasn’t a joke. Eddie Munson hated you. Somehow, he hated you, and yet he also swore to protect you. He hated you, and yet he would still pay for you without you asking him to. He hated you, and yet he still remembered your birthday. He hated you, and yet, he still knew your favorite coffee shop. 

He hated you and yet. 

You stand, unable to take your racing thoughts anymore, moving to pound on the door again, “Eddie. Open the door.” 

You’re not asking anymore. 

You don’t care for answers any more. In this moment, you truly believe you could let it all be water under the bridge. Right this second, if you looked into honey brown eyes and goddamn dimples, you’d forgive him. 

“Eddie,” your voice cracks, and you scorn yourself. 

All I ever do is hurt you. 

Even in locking himself away, he’s hurting you. Putting that distance, choosing to not work this out like adults, is hurting you. 

“Can you- I don’t know, at least let me know that… that…” you trail off, huffing in frustration and finally smacking a flat palm against wood, watching the door shake on its hinges from your force, “Just let me know you’re alive, Jesus Christ, Eddie. We still have to take the stupid fucking photo for this hour, and we-” 

Mid-tirade, the door swings open to reveal Eddie. He doesn’t look irritated, he doesn’t look mad. He looks tired. 

The war between you two has weighed heavy on him, too. He doesn’t look like the same person you met a year ago. The battles raged, the fights lost, the victories celebrated through bloody teeth – they all show on the shadows of his face, a clear mirror image to your own. 

“Take the photo,” he says in monotone, hardly leaving the door cracked enough to catch a proper glimpse of him. 

“What?”

“The photo. Take it. For the chat, so you can get your money when it’s all over.” 

You’re stunned for a second. The money hadn’t even crossed your mind; you had just been rambling, hoping to find the right thing to say to get him to unlock the barrier between you two. 

Who the fuck even cares about the money anymore? 

You do. You’re supposed to. And so is he. 

You sigh and pull your phone from your back pocket, and turn your back to him before lifting the camera to capture the two of you. The door creaks open an inch more. 

There’s no fun pose. There’s no smiles. There’s nothing. It’s even more lifeless than the first photo taken. You can’t stand to look at it longer than necessary as you send it off to the group. 

Just as you turn around to face him again, to try and talk to him, the door shuts again. You can hear the soft click of a lock. The ache is heard, the ache is felt, as you refuse to look back at the wood that still separates you physically, at the emotions that separate you mentally.

You don’t really know why you do it. But you walk out to the living room, deciding against sitting outside the door any longer and continuing to make yourself miserable. Your feet carry you straight to the sliding door of his balcony, and you press outside into the cooler night air, shutting the door behind you. 

What happened when I was in the bathroom that night? 

The thought haunts you, a new ghost that had been lingering and gathering dust since that night. You never asked anyone, certainly not Eddie, and refuse to overthink it until now. But after tonight, after practically reliving your first encounter with Eddie all over again, the deja vu and the curiosity are winning over. 

You dial Steve’s number.

“Hell-”

“Why do me and Eddie hate each other?” you blurt out, cutting off Steve’s greeting. 

“I- What?” Steve’s confused, understandably so, “How should I know? I don’t keep a list of every time you rant about him to me.” 

“What about him?”

“Okay, you know I love you, but I’m not a mind-read-”

“What about a list of every time he rants about me?” 

Silence buzzes through the line, and you glance up at the night sky. It’s a cloudy black. The city pollution hides most of the stars, and from Eddie’s balcony, you can’t locate the moon. 

“I also don’t have one of those.” 

“Why not? Because, Jesus Christ, Harrington, I have questions-”

“Because he doesn’t rant about you. Especially not to me, but Nancy says he never talks about you usually either,” Steve explains in an even tone, still not sure how his answer should be helping you. You are the one, afterall, with Eddie right now. 

Even if he is locked away in his room right now, refusing to speak to you. 

“That makes no sense,” you sigh, exasperation creeping its way into your bones, “I rant about him all the time. I’ve bitched to you and Robin more times than I can count about him. He should be doing the same.” 

Steve says your name softly, “Why are you asking me this?” 

You laugh humorlessly and shake your head, even knowing Steve can’t see you, “It’s stupid. Forget it,” It’s not stupid to you, and you can’t forget it, but this doesn’t concern Steve, “Can I ask you one last question, though?”

“Shoot, babydoll,” you can’t help but grin at that nickname. Steve pulls it out at random, every time he’s trying to make you feel bad. He knows that neither of you can take it seriously. 

“Um, that night you introduced me to everyone,” you begin, stepping up to wrap your free hand around the iron railing of Eddie’s balcony, letting the cold seep into your palm, “At the bar, you know?” 

“Right…” he encourages, “What about it?” 

“Me and Eddie got along,” you spit it out, letting it tear from your chest and score your throat on its way out, “We… we were getting along at first, and then I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, he…. He…” 

He was gone. The Eddie I’d first met had vanished. Where’d he go? Why’d he go? 

“Shit, your memory is way better than mine,” Steve chuckles, sounding nervous, “But, I mean, I kind of remember that. You two getting along, at least. Guess that’s why we all were really confused when you started hating each other. But I’m still not understanding the question - are you asking if I remember the night? Or if he’s ever talked about it? I was a jock, you’re gonna have to spell it out for my pea brain.” 

“Stop insinuating you’re stupid,” you scold on instinct, scowl settling along your features as you lean onto the railing and glance down. It’s only two stories, but the ground feels impossibly far as you ask, “What happened when all us girls went to the bathroom? When we came back, he acted differently. Did he mention hating me that night? Did I leave a bad first impression? Was it all just a joke to hi-”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. One question, remember?” you’re sure Steve can hear the panting in your breath over the line, the way your chest heaves in the memory, “I’ve gotta be honest - I don’t remember. I know that’s probably not the answer you’re looking for, and I don’t know what’s going on with you two right now, but I was already well on my way to drunk. I think Jonathan and Argyle poked some fun at Eddie, maybe teased him about something, but I really can’t recall what it was about. Maybe his hair? Who knows?” 

The answer isn’t helpful. It’s only more confusing, more hurtful. 

He stopped joking with you because someone made fun of his hair? You lost access to the warmth buried beneath his surface because his friends teased him? 

“Okay,” you sound defeated. You feel defeated – defeated by the weight of still feeling like an outsider, defeated by the barrier of some measly wooden door, defeated by the hurt in Eddie’s eyes as you admitted that he only ever hurts you, “Okay, thanks, Steve.” 

You hang up before either of you say goodbye. When you pull your phone down from your cheek and ear, you see your phone still open to the photo of Eddie and you that you’d sent to the group. 

You were wrong. There wasn’t only nothing. Your face may have been void of all emotions, but now looking at it, you can see Eddie’s isn’t. 

He’s looking at you and not the camera during the shot, face crestfallen, eyes nearly teary as the corners of his mouth tucked downward. 

He’s looking at you with regret, with sadness. He’s looking at you as if he can see the vines he’d planted in you, all rotted and dusting away, and he’s mourning them just as you had. 

It’s bullshit, or your imagination, or your innate need for Eddie to bleed the same way as you have over your entire situation with each other. You lock your phone and don’t bother to look at the photo again as you enter the living room, as you toss your phone onto the loveseat, as you curl up on the couch and don’t even bother to go to ask for a pillow or blanket. He probably wouldn’t answer the door, anyway. 

You don’t say goodnight to Eddie, just as he never said goodbye to you the first night, and wonder if he notices the absence of your salutation.

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[hiraethwa]

one summer day

10 epiphany. where ushijima has a sudden realization

<< 09 disconnect. | >> 11 epiphany.

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader a/n: we only go up from here, my loves - ave word count: 3.7k 💀 warnings: violence, threats, vile, misogynistic comments (by a rando), cursing tags: @lemurzsquad @daisy-room @integers -- (inbox me if you want to be added to the tag list)

april, third year

ushijima wakatoshi is by no means a people person. he is a highly motivated individual, mind always focused on the task at hand. he does not mind people interacting with him, although he can survive without it. 

he enjoys playing volleyball and listening to his teammates, occasionally adding to the conversation, but he has never been a particularly talkative person like tendo. it’s not that he dislikes human interaction, he just finds that sometimes, some things are better left unspoken, or perhaps unnecessary altogether. 

he never goes out of his way to befriend someone – he was already busy with volleyball as it is, and to add to it, staying on top of his school’s demanding curriculum. people has commented on his stoicism and general unapproachability behind his back, not that he cares enough about it. so naturally, he did not have a lot of friends to begin with. 

wakatoshi thinks that he is satisfied with his way of life and intends on keeping it simple with just school and volleyball, and none of the drama that he’s heard going around his year all the time. or rather, he intended to. 

and so, he finds himself confused, and irritated as well, when this guy from his year, apparently the captain of the basketball or baseball or whatever, he could care less, tries to start some kind of shit with him. 

ushijima was on his way to lunch with tendo when this idiot came and started badmouthing him and the volleyball team, calling him a useless piece of shit and some other names that he stopped listening to. he wondered what the point of this confrontation is when he doesn’t even know who this person is. 

with a blank stare and a twitching eyebrow, ushijima cuts him off, “i’m sorry, who are you again?” 

it only made him angrier and humiliated, with the crowd that is starting to form around the commotion. “my name is yamasaki takeo.”

“i don’t recall asking for your opinion, yamasaki-san,” ushijima retorts irritably, eliciting a gasp from tendo who is next to him. 

yamasaki gapes at him, as the whispers from the students around them grow audibly. 

that ought to be the end of it, ushijima thinks, as he makes to leave the scene that yamasaki caused. he has better things to worry about, like the fact that you are still not on speaking terms with him, rather than this pointless confrontation that is clearly wasting his time.

“that’s right, because you’re too busy trying to get into miyamura’s pants than focusing on volleyball, aren’t you?” 

tendo reckons that the idiot is relentless in picking a fight with him, and apparently has a death wish. for he had the balls to bring your name up when it is currently occupying the top spot in ushijima’s list of touchy subjects, which is very, very short. in fact, it only has one entry right now.

ushijima clenches his fists. now he is truly irritated, and his short patience is reaching its end. 

yamasaki, noticing that he is finally getting a reaction out of the indifferent volleyball captain, delightedly goes on to drag your name through the mud. 

“is it really that difficult to get your little girlfriend to sleep with you, captain, if you are so high and mighty? or is it just you that she is not interested in?” he mocks ushijima, a shit eating grin on his face now that he has ushijima’s full attention, discovering his weakness. “maybe she’s actually sleeping around with your friends. in fact, i wouldn’t be so surprised if she is, considering how close she is to semi eita as of late.”

if looks could kill, yamasaki would be long dead by now. his only saving grace being the thin fraying thread of patience that ushijima is holding on to. a very, very thin thread. 

“if you know what’s good for you, keep her name out of your filthy mouth.” ushijima grits his teeth. 

ushijima hates that he has you dragged into this spectacle. you’re not his girlfriend, much less his friend at this very moment. he hates that too, that you are so far away from his reach. he dislikes the hole your absence left in his meticulous schedule, and he misses the warmth your presence brings him. 

for your sake, he has been keeping his temper in check. convincing himself that getting into a brawl with yamasaki would only serve to fan the flames of the situation when word spreads around school, and the one who would suffer the most would be you. 

but it appears that yamasaki is asking, practically begging for it, as he continues his goading. “maybe i need to get a taste of her, considering how well she has you wrapped around her finger.”

the thread explodes. 

red. red is all ushijima could see as someone grabs a hold of yamasaki’s collar and throws a fist into his cocky face. he is so full of shit. a killing calm descends on ushijima as he watches the person pull his arm back and send another punch to yamasaki. again. and again. 

he vaguely registers his friend shouting his name and pulling on his arm with a few of other students. semi and ohira, he realizes. puzzled, he looks down to see his hand gripping tightly onto the front of yamasaki’s uniform, and his left hand is covered in blood. 

oh. oh. that was him who punched the asshole.

ushijima releases his hold on yamasaki, breathing heavily as the gravity of the situation settles in. it isn’t some inconsequent drama to circulate around school anymore. 

yamasaki struggles to stand, coughing out blood. his nose sits crookedly on his face, most possibly broken. but he has the nerve to smirk, as much as he could, at ushijima. “not so strong now, are you?”

“says the one with a sorry state for a face,” semi retorts, tense from the whole situation.

he merely wipes at his bloodied face, waving semi off. “i am not the one you need to worry about. i am also not the one who is risking his spot on the under 19 team for the youth world championship with a scandal.”

ushijima recoils, blood running cold. was that his goal all along? 

“maybe, i will forgive your actions, if you get on your knees and beg,” yamasaki pauses, a dark glint in his eyes, “and give y/n to me.”

his words have ushijima struggling to break free from his teammates, caution thrown to the winds, ready to beat him to a pulp. 

“let go of me!” ushijima growls. fuck the consequences, there is no way in hell he will let this asshole lay a finger on you.

he does not notice the crowd parting as the students recognize you and allow you space to get to the front of the commotion. the frown on your face from witnessing the latter half of the events unfolding after you yielded to chika’s curiosity of the commotion that sent students running in the hallways and getting their friends to join them. the sigh that escapes your lips from being the center of the drama. 

“is that all it really takes?” your voice stops him in his attempts to break free, his head snapping towards you in shock.

ushijima has not felt fear in years, certainly not on the volleyball court, not since his parents had a messy divorce, but your words send his heart dropping to the floor. “y/n–”

“stay out of it.” you breathe sharply at him, needing your wits about you if you were to get him out of this situation unscathed. turned away from yamasaki, you let out a trembling breath and steel your nerves. 

you’ve worn a mask in your own home for years, this is nothing, you remind yourself. sure, the whispers would spread, but for him, you would wreck yourself. to hell with this asshole if he dares to try to bring ushijima down. ironic, considering you distanced yourself to save your own heart. when it is all said and done, it still belongs to him.  

“unfortunately, i am not an object that ushijima can simply give away, yamasaki-san, but am i worth the lengths you went to?” 

you observe as his eyes dart behind you at ushijima. so that’s how it is. you are not what he wants. what he wants is to get to ushijima, for reasons you can surmise from the gossip that had been floating around the last week. 

if you play your cards right, you could twist his arm behind his back, figuratively speaking. he would have no choice but to back down, you hope. if not… you don’t want to even think about it. this has to be enough.

“why don’t i propose you a better trade?” you bat your lashes at the scum in front of you, playing the role of the ever helpless girl using her body to get away with things. praying to the gods above that he will take the bait. just come a little closer and i will show you my teeth, bastard.

surely, you can’t be thinking of actually going out with yamasaki, ushijima tries to convince himself as he watches you smile at the asshole coyly. you are smarter than that, and he is not worth your sacrifice. 

or is he? he averts his eyes as you lean in towards yamasaki. shoves the prickling sense of unfamiliar discomfort down. shushes the pealing bells in his mind. the urge to pummel his face to nothing. 

he tries to put his mind elsewhere, but a sense of inevitability creeps in. dread, he realizes, crawls up his spine and makes its home there.

he wants to shout at you. something. anything. anything but this. he doesn’t need to be in the youth 19 team. he would rather risk it all. he doesn’t need anything, doesn’t want anything but you by his side. and the thought of it terrifies him.

“wakatoshi-kun,” tendo nudges him and grabs his attention away from his thoughts. he follows tendo’s gaze towards you and takashima, whose cocky smirk was completely wiped off his bloodied and bruised face and replaced by a paleness that looked like fear. “that’s your girl.”

“i’m so glad we were able to come to an understanding, takashima-san. i would hate for such a nasty argument to get even more out of hand, don’t you agree? now that we are on the same page, i’m sure this won’t happen again. right, takashima-san?” ushijima shudders at the underlying hostility in your fake cheery voice that is directed towards takashima. he never wants to be on the receiving end of it, he thinks. 

you lay a hand on his arm, an eerily innocent smile on your face. and takashima winces, nodding quickly and too eagerly compared to his earlier behavior. 

“i guess we will see you around?” ushijima catches on to the hidden demand under your nice words. you better stay away from us. “oh, do you need a hand to the nurse’s office?”

what exactly did he miss? but he is too awestruck by the way you turned the situation around that he forgot to correct tendo’s earlier statement. 

he tunes out takashima’s stuttering response as you turn around, a frown finding its way onto your beautiful features as your cold eyes land on him. barely registers tendo calling “show’s over” and gesturing at the crowd to disperse and mind their own business.

he hates the mask you are wearing, pushing everyone, and him, away as a defense mechanism. he hates that he is the reason you had to don it today to protect him from his own actions.   

ushijima finds himself reaching out to you to smooth out the furrow in your brows, only to be met by resistance. your slender fingers hook onto his wrist, halting his movement for a split second before dropping his hand like a hot potato. 

“people are watching,” you remind him. your eyes catch on his left hand, where the skin on his knuckles was split, hesitating on your next words. “you should get that treated.”

he frowns, already missing the feeling of your skin on his. why would he care that people are watching?

the four of them end up walking to the nurse’s office with ohira dismissing himself from the group for some errand he had to run for his class. tendo being tendo, starts pestering you about what you did and how you did it despite your clipped answers. 

ushijima finds himself staring at the back of your head, unsure if you are just a figment of his imagination from how long he went without interacting with you. next to him, semi nods his head at you, “she doesn’t hate you, you know.”

he stays quiet. if that’s true, then why are you so intent on avoiding him?

“you are both impossible,” semi huffs in disbelief. 

finding the nurse’s office empty, semi lets your little group into the dark room. tendo beelines for the cabinet, rummaging for supplies. you didn’t have the energy to tell them that they should probably wait for the nurse to come back.

you keep to the door, fidgeting as if you could not decide to stay or go. “see you guys” you blurt, feet moving quickly out the door.

“y/n–” ushijima panics. is this it? is this all he has left of you?

“i’ll go talk to her.” semi promises, running after you, leaving ushijima in tendo’s hands.

they sit in silence as tendo cleans up ushjima’s bloodied knuckles, the latter unphased by the sting of disinfectant on raw skin with his entire focus on the doorway. wishing. 

sure enough, semi returns with an uneasy y/n in tow, looking like you would rather be anywhere but there. 

he makes you sit on the bed across from ushijima, an indecipherable look in his eyes. “stay, you two need to talk. tendo and i will be right outside.” translation: don’t think about leaving until you talk to him. to which you return an unamused look, crossing your arms in a defensive manner.

you wait until the door clicks closed behind them before stealing a glance at ushijima. his stare displaces you, as if there is nothing more important than you. unbelievable, you think. 

you open your mouth to say something – something mean and hurtful so that he would stop looking at you like he cared, but decide against it, knowing full well your anger, the serpent that rarely rears its head is nasty when it does. 

“why are you avoiding me?” he breaks the silence. the first words you’ve heard from him in a long while, not counting the short exchange earlier and during orchestra practice. you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss his voice. that it didn’t calm the wary hissing wild animal in you on some subconscious level.

“why do you care, ushijima?” the name still leaves a bitter taste on your tongue even though you have tried to get over it. you don’t actually love him, right? it’s just a schoolgirl infatuation. or at least, that is what you keep telling yourself, hoping that it will be true when you repeat it enough times. 

“you are my friend, y/n.” his eyes snap to yours, begging you to understand. 

the feeling of drowning creeps in, bringing you back to the first sleepless nights after you cut him off. how pathetic you were running after someone who did not even treat you as their friend. how worthless. how you went from wishing that he saw you as you are to wishing that he never walked into your life.

“no, if i am your friend, then why didn’t you tell me about the nationals? fuck, i had to find out from semi, and it was only because they needed me to stop you from hurting yourself. what the fuck am i to you, ushijima wakatoshi?” you snap at him. 

he starts to say something, but you are not done, not yet. 

“why bother? why save me from myself, tell me you’re my friend, when you certainly don’t act like it when it comes to yourself? do you think so little of me? or am i just some basket case to you?” your fists curl at your sides, angry tears threatening to escape your eyes, as you will them back. 

why did you start the fight? why? 

and then he is at your feet, kneeling and taking your hands into his, looking at you as if you are his salvation. “it was easy, caring for you. felt right, like second nature. you matter to me, but i–” he glances away for a second, almost too much, he thinks “–i don’t know how to let others do the same to me, even if it’s you, that didn’t come naturally. i’m sorry, y/n.” his knuckles are gentle against your skin, brushing away the tears that you didn’t realize started sliding down your cheeks.

the silence stretches, interrupted by your sniffles here and there. 

“talk to me.” he tucks the hair that is covering your face behind your ear. 

your voice is a pained quiet. “i was running away from you, afraid of what your answer could be. i was scared that you found me unworthy. i felt pathetic, yearning for your friendship if you didn’t feel the same way. but–” your throat tightens at your cowardice, realizing your own mistake.

“it could have been avoided if you just talked to me.” wakatoshi finishes your sentence for you.

“you’re a fucking hypocrite.” you retort, kicking his knee in pettiness. “don’t think you’re so easily forgiven.” and just like that he is forgiven. your heart once again safely tucked away in his hands, returned to its owner after weeks of being torn away bleeding and broken by yours. 

it’s unfair, really. the effortlessness it takes on his part to make you whole unknowingly. maybe you were born without a heart, given away to ushijima by fate. maybe he is meant to come into your life and give it back, to remind you that you are alive, and to live. 

you keep telling yourself that he is meant for more than you. which is the truth. but it is also because you are afraid of losing him forever.  

but he recognizes the way you deflect away from your own vulnerability. “make me beg for it, i’ll do anything to redeem myself.” you mean too much to me.

“anything?” you tap your chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “how about going to the tanabata festival in your kuromontsuki haori hakama?” 

you are trying to see how far he would go to satisfy your demands. usually people wear yukatas to summer festivals, the most casual traditional option, and the most comfortable one in the sweltering heat of summer. a kuromontsuki haori hakama is the highest rank of kimono for men and only worn for formal occasions like weddings and funerals. 

but you would kill to see him in one, and it doesn’t hurt to ask.

“that would be a little difficult… how about a haori hakama?” which is less formal than what you suggested, though enough that he will still stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd, but– “fine.” you wanted to see him in a full formal kimono. 

“i get the crispy ends of your katsu.” nod. “give me a piggyback ride home.” an eyebrow raise, but nod. “i want the only bottle of grape squash that you guys buy every single time.” nod. 

“no more keeping secrets from me.” 

“done.”

“i will have to think of more later, you’re currently on probation.” you narrow your eyes at him, gesturing with your hand, i’m watching you. he catches it deftly, getting all up in your space. 

your breath hitches as he comes eye to eye with you, only inches to spare. “i’m sorry. i’ll do better, i promise.” 

you hear his words, sure, but the thunderous beating of your heart is coming from every direction, deafening. in that moment, you forgot how to speak, tongue twisted in a way that cannot be undone. so you panic, feet kicking out instinctively. 

several things happen in quick succession. wakatoshi grunts, curling backwards in pain. the door bursts open as semi and tendo comes running in to defuse the situation. you sit there in shock. tendo starts cackling at the scene in front of him, tears shining in his eyes. 

“damn, one after another, y/n, you’re putting these boys down real hard.” he wipes his eyes with laughter.

“it was an accident!” 

“sure, sure, if you say so.” he slowly backs out of the room, having a distinctive feeling that you may want to land one on him too. 

“get back here, tendo satori! oi, where do you think you are going? you still need to dress toshi’s wounds.” you dash at him. 

“back to toshi now, are we? why don’t you do it yourself?” he snickers, running away.

semi shakes his head at the two of you, glancing at his captain who is still recovering from your kick in the nuts. he winces at the thought of it. “you good?”

ushijima looks towards where tendo now has an arm thrown over your shoulders, affectionately ruffling your hair, utterly unfazed by the way you are snapping at him. 

“i told you, i am not telling you! it defeats the purpose of what i said to that scum if i told you! get your dirty hands off of me.” you frown at the redhead, and then as if sensing his eyes on you, you point at ushijima. “you, don’t ever pick fights again even if i get dragged into it, it’s not worth it.” 

“but he picked a fight with ushijima-kun first.” 

“why, you brat. do you want to find out what dirty secrets i know about you?”

“wah, scary, y/n-chan. remind me to never get on your bad side.” 

you make a face at tendo, which ushijima finds adorable. his lips quirk in a smile at the scene unfolding in front of them, finally responding to semi’s earlier question. 

“yeah. yeah, i think so.”

“ushijima-kun, you’re down bad.”

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[starsomens]

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 7 • 𝓦𝓮'𝓵𝓵 𝓣𝓻𝔂 𝓐𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷…

̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿   ‿ ̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿   ‿ ̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

warnings: language, kitchen sex, oral sex (female receiving), apology sex,

"Y/N? Dear you've been in here for days, at least come out for Cheri's party!" Your mother stood at the end of your bed. You had been at your parents house for about 3 days already, and each day that passed you've only come out for a shower and maybe some water. You felt awful about not getting Cheri a gift so you made sure to order whatever she had in her shopping cart online as a gift.

"Mmmmmm" you groan into your pillow "can't I just rot here?"

"All because of a break up?" she clicks her tongue and rests her hands on her hips

"It wasn't just a break up!" you sit up "It was...was...ugh!......I just...don't want to see him or another man for the next 10 years" you flop on to your back staring at your dark ceiling.

"Well Cheri is asking for you, so get up," she yanks the covers off your body "Get dressed and come downstairs." she said as she opened the curtains to brighten your dark rooms. Your mother loved and cared for you but at times when you were low she became strict to give you a backbone. But she could have at least been gentle with the lighting.

You sit up in bed and walk over to your dresser as you stretch your arms above your head. Letting them fall to your sides with a deep sigh you stop at your dresser and stare at your reflection. Running your hands over your face and through your messy hair. You looked tired…because you were. You tap the screen of your phone to see another 5 missed calls and of course another 10 messages.

Nah had been trying to get you to come back or at least talk to for consistently.

“Please come back flower” "Let me fix this shit please," “Y/N, I swear to you the contract means nothing” “I didn’t mean what I said to you”

“Come home…please”

Should you hear him out? Some would say yes, but you felt too hurt to do so. You married this man, hated him, talked to him more, some forced proximity, shopping and some great sex and it felt as if it was going good. You would even recall those morning where you’d talk to each other before getting out of bed

“So if you weren’t in all of…this” you gestured to the room as a whole “what would you have done?”

“I’m not sure if I’m honest. Maybe just be a regular ceo of a company…maybe a nice little music store”

“A music store?” You giggled

“Mhm, you meet some great people when you’re there. Besides, I hear pretty girls like guys who can play” he smirks coming closer to your lips

“Would you still have married me in that universe?”

“Well first I gotta get your attention and take you a nice date then meet your parents and find the right ring but yeah….i think I would….”

You brush your hair as you thought back on that morning. That blissful month that felt like a dream. You felt as though you were feeling for someone who didn’t even exist. Worst was it was someone pretending to be them….on top of that what he had said honestly hurt. You walk over to your closet and pull out a casual little back dress with some white trimming and detail. Nothing too flashy, you did some light make up and let your hair fall loose instead.

You grab some of your old earrings that were still left in your room and head for the door. You could hear the music and voices that came from the gardens of your family home. Your heels clack down the steps of the marble staircase. You walk outside and it was a perfect fall day. It was sunny and there was just enough of a cool breeze to keep a nice neutral temperature. You look out into the party and see you sisters enjoying themselves and it made your heart happy to see after so long. Cheri was already 15 and you watched as he smiled and hugged everyone that graced her with a gift. Being the baby of the family of course she was spoiled and was the little princess in the home.

Before you could go out to get into the party you hear the doorbell ring. One of the maids had gone to answer the door before you could offer to go and get it. You walk down the steps into the garden and put on your happy mask to not bring down the mood of the celebration. You walk over to Cheri and lean down to her shoulder

"Is little miss Cherry 5 or 15?" you asked with a smile making her spin around. You would always call her Cherry as a child and you still do, you also have her contact info as Cherry.

"Y/N! You came!" she turned to you and clung to your neck "Laura said you forgot about me and wouldn't come" she gave a slight pout dreading for you to miss her birthday

"Me? Miss your birthday? Not even when you're old and wrinkly" you smile at her causing a laugh to erupt from her chest. Her eyes trail form yours to something behind you. You look over your shoulder and see Noah of all people. He was in casual but still dressy attire. Black slacks, button down white shirt with the first two buttons undone and his black blazer to go with his pants. You whirl around ready to rip him a new one for being there until you brother spoke

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he was trying to hold back on language for the sake of family and friends there. Noah has his hands up as sign of complacency

"Just here for the birthday girl, brought my gift for her alright? Is that so wrong, Matthew" he used his name as if they were on the best of terms

"You know why the fuck you're here you bastard," he said coming closer but you put yourself between them. Noah keeping sharp and cold eye contact with your brother. Matthew looked like he was ready to rip him apart. The day he picked you up, you were in emotional shambles, seeing you so down and out because of him!

"Stop it you two!" you whisper yell at them "Take this inside, and no fighting!" you give them a stern look as the party starts to quiet down

"I think your sister’s right. Let's talk like men" you shoot, Noah a glare, knowing that tone better than anyone in that room. You didn’t have to say anything to him, but he turned on his heel and made his way back into the kitchen. He looked at your brother and asked him to calm down before you both went inside and join Noah. You made sure to close the door behind you as I have some privacy to your conversation. Noah leaned against, a part of the counter as you were on the opposite end doing the same. With your brother standing in the middle, looking as if he was a mediator for you both.

“ first things first. What are you doing here?” You asked straight away.

“you know I wanted to come to you Cheri’s birthday with you, flower-“

“Y/N.” You interrupted and corrected him.

Ouch “…Y/N… I brought the gift for her and it’s right over there. But I also came to talk to you.” Stared deeply into your eyes. Peering into the darkest depths of your soul and heart. It was as if Matthew wasn’t even in the room with you both, but you didn’t want to crack just under his gaze.

“do you know what you did? Will you caused her? The amount of tears I’ve seen her cry because of you… and you just wanna walk in here like some big shot?” Your brother leans on the table, staring at Noah if he was ready to pound over the furniture and strangle him.

“ I know what I did Matthew. But with all respect this is our marriage, not yours. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to my wife alone.”

“I’m not gonna leave her alone with you asshole…” he said, as he strides over to Noah. Despite Noah towering over him by a good couple of inches, he still stood tall with his chest, puffed out, ready to tussle if need be.

You come over and stand between them both once again. You weren’t defending Noah and you weren’t defending your brother but at the same time you couldn’t just let a fire break out in the middle of your kitchen at a birthday party

“ Matthew just go. I’ll talk with him and will be out in a second okay?”

“I am Not gonna leave you alone with some asshole who hurt you. Who knows what he can fucking do while I’m not here!” he argues against your decision

“Some genius you are thinking I’d actually hurt my wife” he scuffs with a shit eating smirk not caring that he may send Matthew into a burning rage

“I’ll if anything happens I’ll call you okay? I’ll be fine…” Matthew squeezes your shoulder with his hand to give you reassurance that if you needed anything, he was just a call away before he turned to leave he made sure to give Noah a look up and down his body ready to rip him a new one. No wait until he was completely out of the kitchen to speak to you. As soon as the door shut, and he was out of say no, it turned to you and it’s as if you were talking to a whole new person.

“You haven’t been home for 3 days and it’s felt like an eternity….” He starts

“ I am home.” You answer as you cross your arms and look out of the “ you know these type of marriages are common. All you needed was an heir, you could have gotten it over with it, and we would have gotten over that hurdle much quicker.”

Noah shakes his head out of your remark

“That’s because it’s not what I want. Don’t you think that if I wanted an heir that badly you would’ve been pregnant by now?” He said stepping closer to you “do you think I would have jumped on that chance the first night we stepped foot into our house?”

He walks closer to you causing you to back up until your butt hits the table. Stopping you in your tracks. Noah stood over you studying your face intently and precisely.

“Come back home with me…” Your eyes broke from his own as if the answer was in writing on the tiled floor. “ What do you want from me? Do you want me on my knees?”

“No i-“ before you can get your whole answer out. Noah is on his knees on your kitchen floor. This feared mafia boss was at your mercy. All you did was leave he could’ve gotten any woman he wanted in the snap of a finger. Yet here he was practically begging you for forgiveness because you weren’t home for three days.

“Noah….. you don’t care about me. You don’t care about a pawn that was part of your contract. And I won’t be any more than just a-“

“No. You’re not just a pawn. You’re not just the contract. You are my wife…” you could feel his hand tracing up the back of your ankle and glide of your calf into the back of your knees. He lives your right knee just a bit. Enough to bring the skin up to his lips and kisses the skin "I really did show up for Cheri's birthday...but I also need you back home Y/N...." he looks up at you from the floor, holding you close him by your legs. His lips kissing your thigh starting from the front and slowly moving tot he inner thigh

“Noah please not here stop,”

“Fuck….i missed your skin so much” he was nearly savoring the flavor along with each kiss “please say you’ll come home with me princess,”

This man was relentless…

“I…..I have conditions…” he looks up at you and rises to his feet

“Any,” he’s already agreeing before you spoke

“1, I need you to explain and explain detail by detail our contract and catches,”

“Done.”

“2….i want transparency of people trying to harm me.” Noah was iffy about that one. He wanted to shield you from the situation completely and totally

“I’m only doing it for your own wellbeing flower,” he said stuffing his hands into his pockets

“I want to know what’s going on when it comes to my life.” Noah think on it for a moment and nods

“Well work on it,”

“And 3…I want another wedding.” Well that one was off from the others

“Why another,” he asks half intrigued

“Our wedding was staged. I didn’t even pick my own dress, or location or venue,” you said beginning to pace up and down the room and stopping at the window “I didn’t even have my friends or extended family there….it didn’t feel special. So if what you say is true,” you turn to him “maybe the wedding can be forgiven with another.”

“Those are your conditions?” He asks coming closer to you

“Yes. And….if they are not met. All of them…I will be back here, permanently” he stops in front of you and takes a hold of your hand

“Whatever my little flower asks for, she shall receive” he brings your hand up to his lips and kisses your fingers. He brings it down to slip in your wedding ring again

“You look better with this on you know,” he smirks at you “so what time do you want to leave?”

“You can come and get me tomorrow morning at 10 AM,”

“Not today? Am I still being punished?” He holds a hand over his heart as if you had stabbed him

You simply shrug and smirk. How he missed that smirk, he missed your sassy attitude, the way his clothes would suddenly be mixed with yours, the way you'd ask him to change his outfit so he'd match you.....he missed everything about you

"alright, 10 am it is," he softly smiles at you

"so, what genius gift did you get Cheri? She's very particular so I'm curious of what you cam u-"

"Boquet of lily of the valley, baby's breath and peonies, and the newest release from Gucci in dresses, one in white, pink and blue"

you were speechless. You had mentioned she had a taste for Gucci once and he went ahead and bought he dreses worth thousands of dollars.

"Noah you-"

"Ah," he holds a hand up "I have a gift to deliver to the birthday girl but we are not done" he said walking over to the large birthday bag and starts to walk back to you, his other arm wrapping around your waist quickly kissing your lips with a chuckle and goes back to the party. You stay behind for a while and watch him through the window.

You watch him walk to Cherri and tap her shoulder, he hands her the flowers and the bag. She smiles at him and sets the bag down to sift through it's contents. You watch as her eyes lit up and she pulled the dresses out. She jumps up and down clearly over the moon about her gift. She turns back to Noah and hugs him tightly, you felt your heart warm at the sight. Remembering such a small detail like a brand she likes made her day completely, hell it probably made her year.

In a way you hated how much you loved seeing Cherri get along with Noah. Maybe if this didn't happen, you would like the sight more. You eventually make it back into the party, but kept your distance. You could also feel Mathews eyes burning into the back of your head, but mostly focused on Noah. As the day went on to the sunset Noah had to make his leave.

"I'll walk you to the door" you told him

"Usually it's the-"

"Will you just come Noah?" you turn to him with your arms crossed and a raised eyebrow as you cut him off

"Yes Ma'am," he enjoyed that much more than you expected him to

You walk him to the door and lean against it's frame as you look up at him

"I'll be here, 10 am sharp, princess" he said putting his hands into the pockets of his pants "are you sure you don't want to come home tonight?"

"Very. I can still sleep on my answer you know," you said titling your head at him

"I guess you can, but I hope you don't," as he turns to walk down the steps he turns as if he had forgotten something "Oh an uh, this is yours" he opens his hand expecting yours to land in it. You put your hand in his palm upwards to which he flips and you feel something cold on your finger. It was your ring

"Much better, you look better with the ring on," he smirks as he slyly inches closer to you "I didn't take mine off at all.....since the beginning"

"Oh sure you-"

"I'm serious. Taking it off felt strange and even now I would keep your ring with me at all times. If it wasn't on your hand, I wouldn't want it to be anywhere else." he raised your hand up to his lips and kisses yours fingers longingly "sweet dreams, flower"

The warmth of his hand slips away from yours, and you unfortunately miss the way his hand felt in yours. Your heart, even as you watched him walk away from your home. You were fighting every instinct to run after him and go home.

Home………

Did Noah feel like home to you now? Your arms wrap around your body as you make your way back inside and up to your room again to your solitude. And of course, to think over the decision you had just made. As you walk upstairs, you hear a voice pop up from top step.

“ I thought you would’ve gone with him,” It was your younger sister, sister, Lauren, the third daughter/child in the family “ after everything I just saw, I thought you would’ve jumped in his arms. He would’ve taken you away again.” She chuckles with her arms crossed.

Lauren was always in her own way pick a fight with you. But she was also known as adding wood to the already blazing fire.

“ I am exhausted we can do this another time.” You answer her as you walk past her start walking down the hallway to your room for the night.

“ how do you feel about him?” She suddenly stopping you in your tracks.

“ what do you mean how I feel about him? I don’t feel anything. It’s just a contract, it’s business.” The statement Leaving your lips, hurt to hear and say. although Lauren did find it amusing to pester you at times she did help you to see some clarity by asking you some really annoying questions. Which is why you urged her to be a lawyer.

“Not with the way he was looking at you,” she defends as she walks to you down the hall stopping right in front of you “… same thing goes for the way you were looking at him. If you ask me, I think this might be a little more than just business, maybe even more than just a crush” she had shit to do she pinned.

You could feel your cheeks heating up as your heart, started to pick up against your rib cage.

“Ugh please, today was tiring enough. I don’t need any of your theories in my head.” You said, waving her off as you walk to your bedroom door.

“All I have to say is that I have never seen someone look at another person the way that he looks at you….. just think of your feelings and emotions,” she says quickly before you have a chance to close the door “…. I just want to see you smile again….”

That really did make your heart ache and you stopped at your as he close the door your hiding behind it you give your strong “thank you….goodnight Lauren….”

As soon as the door closed, you could feel your chest ache and way heavy in your body. Your head was spinning in you didn’t know what was happening or how you could solve it. He was a Venus flytrap who had made you comfortable in his sweet nectar, thinking that you were saying. And once you were comfortable enough, he closed his mouth and swallowed you whole.

“I can’t….i don’t……” you couldn’t have possibly felt that way. But Lauren’s words weighed heavy in your head as you think of all those times when you were just look into each other eyes. And your heart and soul longed for it again.

“Oh god…..” you whisper to yourself as you can feel your stomach drop low, and the tears finally cascade down your cheeks “…..I…..I….”

…..

The next morning, you wake up early at around 8 o’clock to hop into the shower and stay there for at least an hour. Both for in everything shower, to kill some time, and to relax from the previous night. You thought long and hard about what Lauren has said, and what you had felt last night. You weren’t willing to give him that soon. Everyone feels lonely at some point, and everyone with a break up in their own way and maybe you were just feeling lonely….right?

You went downstairs into the kitchen to find your mother with a cuppa coffee, sitting alone in the kitchen, asking in the quietness of the morning. She looked at you with a soft smile.

“Good morning honey, do you want some coffee?” You sound down in the chair across from her with a sigh

“Yes please,”

“okay let me hear it,” she says very monotone way as she poured your coffee prepared the way you liked.

“ what do you mean? I-“

“Y/N, I’m your mother. I know when something is wrong and when something is on your mind. You also have the same exact contemplating face as your father. Now, come on tell mommy,”

You sigh as she sits the mug of hot coffee in front of you. You watch as the steam dances into the air in front of you. Thinking on how you'd phrase the words in your head.

"You....you were arranged to dad, right?" you asked already knowing the answer "Did...do you guys love each other? Like....I just don't understand how things could go from being absolute strangers to being in love with.....kids!"

"Well, there are times your father can REALLY push me to the edge. But then I remember the day when we were very young," she sighs looking out into the distance as if the memory was playing right in front of her "It was....about 7 months after our wedding and he had sat me down with him and we discussed some things. First was children,"

You nearly chocked on your coffee hearing her say that

"Children?" you clear your throat and she nods her head

"He asked how I felt about them. I knew I wanted kids and he did as well. Even though we were arranged he said, and I will never forget, 'No matter where you and I stand, whatever children we may have, they will never feel unprotected, unwanted or unloved and if you allow me neither will you'....."

"wow...you...you never spoke about that. And after that what happened?" you asked

"Well, we went on our first date as a couple and a couple months later your brother was on the way" she giggled into her hand "we have been through a lot but there wasn't anything that couldn't be compromised or figured out as long as we talked to one another and listened." she reaches for your hand and could feel them start to become clammy

"I......I felt my heart break the day you left fearing that you'd be miserable for the rest of your life until we somehow got you out but....the day you came back, something was different about you Y/N. I know that look in your eyes, I know what your thoughts are in that head of yours."

You squeeze her hand back "I'm scared mom.....just tell me what I'm supposed to do,"

"You know the answer sweetheart, you just need to figure out and understand it. I know you can do it Y/N, I'm your mother after all" she smiles softly at you. You stand up and so does she as you both embrace in the quietness of the kitchen. His hand rubbing up and down your back bringing back memories of when you were a child after scraping your knee and patching you up. Her scent never changing all these years as you felt like a baby soothed by the mere scent and feel of her mother.

"thank you mom....I love you," you whisper to her

"And I love you mi amor,"

After another hour of just catching up there was a ring of the doorbell. Your mother walks you to the door and bids her goodbyes to you. After she closes the door, you turn to Noah and simply stare at him

"Do I look that bad or good that you're staring?" he asked

"Mmmm like shit, you look like you haven't slept in-"

"I haven't." he cuts you off "I was too excited to bring you home," he offers his hand for you to take. You hesitate at first but soon take it as he takes your bags and walks you down the steps to his car. Helping you into the vehicle, he puts your bags in the trunk and rolls away from your old home soon after.

The drive was calm and quiet, the smell of Noah had crept around you. It was familiar smell, one that would take you back to when you'd be wrapped in his arms as he held you threw the night.

"so how did you sleep?" he asked trying to lighten the energy in the car

"Um fine, kinda weird, a little restless honestly." you admited

"awh, you miss me wrapping around you?" he asked with a soft smile

"with your cold feet? Not even a bit"

"ouch, that hurt to hear princess, I know I would miss your cold feet, because I do" he carefully reached for your hand, inch by inch slipping his own into yours. Once he realized you would let him hold your hand he relaxed and held your hand tighter. As you pull into the driveway you see Vilma outside and she looked SO happy to see you, she had a huge smile on her face. You get out of the car and she pulls you into a hug

"Oh Y/N, please if you ever leave again please take me with you!" she said coming out of the hug

"Was Noah that bad to deal with?" You giggle hugging her back feeling warm by the embrace of an old friend.

"Bad? He'd empty bottles every time he he thought about you. He hadn't played his sad records in years and don't get me started on his moaning,” she went on and you just looked at Noah with an amused look

"Vilma, *ahem* if you don't mind could you please take these upstairs while I show Y/N around?"

"I'll be sure to fill you in later," she winks going to do her task that was asked of her

"Around? I know my way in the house Noah unless, you've got some kind of secret interrogation chamber." you smirk following him up the stairs

"well, not necessarily, just some new decorations is all," he opens the door and let's you step in first, you were greeted by vases of flowers at the entrance. Filled with pale pink roses, Spring crocus and some accents of lily of the valley. The bouquet was beautiful

"Noah these are gorgeous, they give the door a nice touch,"

"oh these? These are just for here, keep going little flower," he nods ahead of you. As you walk further into the home you see every table, and surface possible. You could only gawk at every vase your eye fell upon

“Noah….they’re beautiful I….why?” You ask turning to face him again to find him with a bouquet of roses. They were all white, except for a single red rose that laid in the middle as he stepped closer he said in a hushed but strong voice

“Because you deserve it. Everything you ask of me you deserve. Every woman I’ve come across every person that’s come in my path has NEVER, compared to the person you are Y/N…” hence the single red rose “…I’m sorry. I fucked up, I hurt you and betrayed your trust and I’m sorry…please princess,”

He brings your hand up to his lips and kisses your knuckles breathing in your scent

“You’ve infatuated and hypnotized me completely. Do you…accept my apology?” He asks looking deeply into your eyes

“Noah…I still stand by what I said” you say firmly

“And I’m willing to meet your conditions when you ask. But for right now….i just want to apologize to you….my wife.”

“…..” you take the bouquet from his hand and set it on one of the tables and wrap your arms around him “….i forgive you Noah…” as soon as the words left your lips Noah’s arms encircle you. Holding you tight and close to his body. Afraid that if he let go, you’d leave again. He breathed you in deeply and oh how his heart raced and ached to smell you again. The way you fit in his arms and body like a perfect mold. The way the weight of body seemed to ground him and settle his troubles

“I’ve missed you….” He admits in a low whisper. You didn’t say it back….but you felt the same way. He sets you back down and kisses your forehead.

“Let me put these in water before I forget.” You said grabbing the bouquet and walking into the kitchen. Start looking for vases in the cupboards and find one that was long enough to support the stems of the flowers. As you fill up the vase with water, Noah watches you from behind. The way you moved so naturally in the kitchen, as if it were a home you had been in for years. That’s what he always wants to see and what he never wanted to let go of again. The way you smiled when you sniffed the flowers was reason enough for him to change his ways. Hell, he would even give up his entire organization if you asked him to.

However, he thinks he would rethink that because he would want to spoil you beyond belief. You smile as you finally situate the flowers in a proper vase and set them in the middle of the dining table and you look back at Noah.

He takes slow strides to you where he keeps you near the table. You hit the edge of the table with Noah leaning in to your, mere inches from your face

"Flower, tell me something," his breath brushing your lips. You hands holding some of your weight behind you on the table

"what..." you whisper back

"did you miss me?" maybe....he said kissing your cheek "dream of me?" at times.....a kiss just in front of your ear and you can't help the chill that runs through your body "Did you reach for me when you slept alone?" yes..

"I...." you swallow hard and gasp as his hand suddenly finds your waist and pulls you close to him, you chest rising and falling as his lips graze your cheek and come back to your lips, Your noses bumping each other

"noah...."

"Y/N....." he closes the aching inches between you in a heated kiss. It was long, hard and full of emotion. His other hand tangles into your hair bringing you even closer than before. His single hand nudges you and helps you to hop on to the table. He slots himself between your legs as he finally parts for a breath of air.

"If you leave me again, I would surely die..." he said against your forehead, planting another kiss

"You're so dramatic," you smile, your eyes half lidded still drunk on his kiss

"Only for you, my little flower" he picks your lips and moves across your cheek down your neck into your shoulder. He kisses along the length of your arm and down to your hand, to kiss each finger. He then leaves a kiss in the center of your palm as he gazes into your eyes.

He never breaks eye contact as he lowers himself onto his knees and kisses the side of your knee. His hands pulling you to the edge, hiking your skirt up to about your waist to expose your panties. He practically burrows his nose in your pussy and takes in a deep Breath.

He growls into the fabric of your panties “fffuck,” he sounded like a beast that was finally feeding for the first time in months. He lays his tongue flat on your pussy shaking his head no, his saliva and your juices soaking the material

“Oh god!” You gasp it had been some time since Noah had even touched you, much less since he had kissed you or "Ah!" the cool wind hits your wet fold as he moves your wet panties to the side. The tip of his nose brushed your swollen clit as his tongue slowly trails his tongue from your entrance, up between your folds and up to bring your clit into his mouth and gently suck on it

"O-oh...shit," you gasp as your hand rakes through his hair bringing him in closer and all he did was let out a muffled chuckle as he ate with more passion

"Mmmmm fuck," he mumbled against you as he lapped and sucked at your heated core

"N-Noah....f-fuck!" you moan feeling your pussy ache and pulse at him

"Mhm....that's right....say my name” he said between laps as you could feel a knot building in your lower stomach

“Mmm….do you…forgive me?….use your words…baby…” he said as he aggressively ate your pussy. A starved man on his knees with his meal being devoured in mere seconds

“Y-yes! Yes Noah! Oh!” You moan out as your voice cracked. This was definitely his way of saying sorry, on his knees, face buried and covered in your juices. Giving you the pleasure you deserved. His tongue swiping over your entrance as you clenched around nothing from his work on your pussy. He know you were close

“cum for me baby......cum...for...me" he said between lap as he sucks on your clit harder. Your moans and pants filling the space of the kitchen as your hips start to buck into his mouth slightly. Your vision goes blurry as your eyes roll back feeling a wave of pleasure wash over you like a wave. With a cry your thigh snap against his head as you lean back on the table, his mouth still helping you to ride out your high. He made sure to lick you clean, swallowing and enjoying every lick that he took

After he was down he kissed your left thigh and looked up at your chest as you try and catch your breath. You sit up on your elbows and look at him, your hair now a mess, giving you the signature "I just had sex look"

"I missed the way you taste," he smiled coming up to your face and kissing your lips, tasting yourself on his lips. He pulls you close to him once again and holds you close

"I'm sorry baby, how about you go and wash up, and we can sit down and talk?" he asked "Or..whatever you wanna do,"

"Yeah...that sounds good," he fixes your skirt and bring you off the table and kisses the side of your head. He lads you upstairs and to the bathroom as if you didn't know where it was. It was as if you had never left. All the things you left in there were still in it's place. If anything it seems as if he had stocked up on some of the things you buy. The lotion you liked, the air freshener, even your preferred size of pads/tampons. He had even kept and replaced your scrub with a new one. It was easy to say the shower was relaxing and enjoyable, you just felt so...at home, so natural.

After your shower, you hoped into your PJs and head outside. There Noah sat in his signature shorts and no shirt. His tattoos on full display. Damn, you forgot how much you loved those.

"Ready?" he asks patting the space next to him

"yeah....I'm ready," you had felt so welcomed and comfortable you nearly forgot what you had agreed to, You sit down and face him read to receive his information

"First and for more, the contract," he really wasn't wasting time here "Yes, it does state we must have a child within the first year. Yes this can get me kicked from the organization, possibly putting us both in danger. On top of that, I knew you wouldn't want kids right away or how you felt about it at all. Which is why I was trying to fight it, and why I sounded so pissed that day you heard the conversation" oh...maybe you should have heard him out that day

"Oh....oh okay, well then I'm sorry for blowing up on you and leave-"

"I'm not done, princess," he interrupts and you shut up and continue to listen

"When you had brought it up and you were packing you had done something to me that no one has. You scared me...." he admits taking a hold of your hand "I don't know what the fuck you did. Maybe you put something in my drink, my food, maybe you just manipulated me. Or maybe you just have a lot of charm" he smirked "...whatever you did, you have made me into someone I didn't recognize. I....I didn't want you to leave, I didn't want you to think I was hurting you when I wasn't and I just snapped that day...."

When he called you so many things, he saw the look on your face and immediately regretted even having a tongue to speak with. This was the woman he had begun to think of constantly when making choices, who prompted him to enhance security, who motivated him to work harder to provide her with everything…

"I never meant a single word that day princess. Not one. I....I...." he held his tongue and scooted closer to you. He looked like he was holding a deep secret that he deeply wanted to tell you but didn't "you.... mean so much more than just a piece of paper with our names on it. I want you here...with me....and I apologize for any tears that eyes shed because of me…."

"You do? You don't mind sharing the bed with a pawn?"

"A princess. I'm sharing my bed, with MY princess." he corrects you.

“So were you really crying like a teenager since I was gone?” You tease him with a smile

“You know I thought I wouldn’t miss that smart ass mouth of yours but, I really did,” he admits

“Good to know,” you said making a mental note. You were glad you got the biggest hurdle dealt with but now came the other matter

"And the people wanting to hurt me?" you asked knowing this was a sensitive and important topic. After all it triggered you leaving for a couple of days

"I'll arrange for Nick and Jolly to stop by to give us a briefing in what's going on and what we've got so far" he offered “for now I just wanted to clear up our fight. Is that alright?”

You nod your head "...okay sounds good," you look down into your lap and think for a moment. You scoot up on to your knees and shift into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist you rest your head into his shoulder and close your eyes as he hugs you back

“Thank you….” You whisper “I forgive you…”

“Of course my princess, anything your heart desires I’ll give.” He says “now what does my little flower want? Hm?”

“Let’s just stay here….for a little bit” you answer not wanting to move.

“Okay course princess,” he carefully lays back on his headboard keeping you in place. You back where you belonged. Not just in the home but in his arms as well.

That night Noah held you just a bit tighter the information you’ll learn tomorrow may scare you off. But for now those thoughts were pushed aside finally feeling you against him once again

“You’ve been eating fruits…” he said randomly

“Huh?”

“You tasted sweeter than usual today,” he said casually “or maybe you were just excited to have me eat you out-ow!” You pinched his back for ruining the moment with his dirty thoughts

“…well maybe I was a little” he smiles knowing it was true. And he planned on having seconds tomorrow morning.

̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿   ‿ ̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

[Taglist🥃] @darling-millicent-aubrey @daylightlvrs @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @gretaswhore28 @cowpokeomens @lizzyanthony3 @cookiesupplier @lma1986@lust-for-sacher @missduffsblog @thecartelqueen @twyftwyt @thenoahsebastianfiles @sorrowsofsilence @thescarlettvvitch @chemicallady @chemicaltendancies @shilohrosechicken @thefallennightmare @crimson-calligraphyx @calleyx13 @iknownothingpeople @lilhobgobbler @niicoleleigh @badomensls @ladispo0p @skulliecadaver-blog @malixxxmizer @kageyasma @samanthasgone @the-ancient-fae @lacktoesandtodd @blackveilomens @thebadchic @badomensbabe @dsireland86 @ebechnasheim @somewhere-diamond @hayleylatour @raydenrrobertson

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[theflagscene]

My Top 10 Fave QL Characters of 2024 🤩

More end of the years lists from me, because clearly I have nothing to do for the rest of the week... I wish I was joking. Much like my pervious lists, my only rule for this is that at least some of the series needed to air this year. It can have started in 2023 or will be ending in 2025, as long as some—or all—of the series aired this year, then it's fair game.

1 ) God - Monster Next Door

What can I say about God that hasn't already been screamed from the rooftops by literally everyone who watched the series? He was aptly nicknamed, because this gentle giant was a gift from heaven. The greenest green flag, even when mad or upset, he was still as green as a damn emerald! The sweetest golden retriever character to have graced my screen this year, I will always love this character and this series, it's become a comfort watch for me, that's for sure.

2 ) Yai - The Sign

There aren't enough sweet himbos in QLs imo, typically whilst cute but dumb, they're also mean or bigoted or just not very likable. Yai broke all of those stereotypes, he was cutest himbo around, a perfect brother, friend, bro and husband. I knew I would adore him from the very first episode and I was not wrong, he did not disappoint. Every scene Yai was in wasn't enough, I wanted so much more of Yai (and his scary beautiful wife, Sand).

3 ) Joker - Jack & Joker: U Steal My Heart

Joker and his emotional support idiots might have fumbled the ball at damn near every turn, but he was absolutely adorable whilst doing it. I think it's physically impossible for me to dislike a character War plays, so me adoring Joke was not a surprise to me. A master thief who really wasn't that great at not getting caught, a hopeless romantic, mama bear and perfect grandson-in-law? What more could I have asked for?... Possibly better fake tattoos, but we can't have it all lol.

4 ) Jeff - Pit Babe

I admit with no shame whatsoever that I found Jeff to be one of the most interesting characters on the show. His powers were the ones with the farthest reaching consequences and the most difficult to live with, he was tragic in all the ways I love a character to be tragic. I really wished I could've watched a version of the series from his pov, because I feel like I would’ve fast forwarded way less lol!

5 ) Tae Myungha - Love For Love's Sake

His depressive aura bewitched me body and soul, what can I say? The fact that he tried so hard to make everyone around him feel loved, wanted and important whilst he spent his entire life feeling none of that just broke my damn heart. He was the perfectly example of: the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anybody to feel like that.

6 ) JJ - This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans

Poor JJ has an idiot for a bestie and a douchebag (affection) for a love interest, this dude did not have an easy time of it lol. His forever exasperated resting bitch face and constant annoyance at literally everything that came out of both Plawan and Methas's mouths made me laugh so much, JJ had absolutely no time for any of their shit and yet he was constantly dealing with their shit. The poor guy needed a vacation away from the people in his life even though he loved them, which I totally understand lol!

7 ) Aylin - 23.5

While this wasn't my favourite series, Aylin was definitely one of my favourite characters. Her autistic coded self just spoke to me, I too dislike humans to a level that I would easily take the first alien spaceship off the planet lol. Aylin was so sweet and funny, I loved the way she spoke and her lil hats! I just wanted to squish her!

8 ) Fadel - The Heart Killers

Was I expecting to go into this series loving Fadel? No. Should I have? Absolutely. I have always loved the shrew characters when it came to adaptations of The Taming of the Shrew, which is the point of the character so ya know, duh! Lol. Any series with FirstKhao in it I always assume one of them will end up being my fave because well, it's them! But Fadel is the realest of the real when it comes to the slog of daily life, his routines, his annoyance with the general population, his need to remind himself that killing people whilst working in customer service is not worth the clean up nor the prison time. Sure, he's an assassin on the weekends, but hell, who isn't working two jobs in our current economy?

9 ) Rock - Cherry Magic TH

Rock was the perfect sunshine dope of a sidekick and I loved him for it, completely oblivious yet extremely caring at the same time. A man smitten with the idea of a woman who wants to eat fatty foods, will kidnap his Phi for a super secret mission no questions asked and respects a woman's right to say no without becoming an incel about it, he really was a joy to watch. It also helped that Sing played him, because Sing is an adorable ball of sunshine and I luff him.

10 ) Tan - We Are

The first person to get his man, and so easily. It made perfect sense why Fang fell for Tan, his hyperactive sunshine energy was like an instant 'smile' button. He was so genuine with his emotions and interests, he was a simp and made no apologies for it. He loved Fang so completely and unconditionally, he did whatever he needed to make sure that Fang felt safe and cared for. Tan really raised the bar when it came to clingy boyfriends that aren’t cringy, which is a hard thing to do.

[b4b3tte]

hello!! i love ur writing, and was wanting to give a request!! I would love a rocky balboa x reader, with a reader that is very shy. just a soft little moment between them. super fluffy!! maybe reader sees some flowers she loves so he gets a bouquet for reader? tysm and of course u don't have to do this if u don't want!!

— JUST FOR YOU

꒰ ⊹ ˚ Summary — All Rocky does is try to win your heart, but your shyness makes it 10 times harder, he decides he’ll show you his love by observing your likes and dislikes

Pairing — Rocky!Balboa X Fem!Reader

Contains of — Fluff, mentions of self-doubt, Boxing Matches, holding hands, unintentionally watching reader in secret,

Babettes note — AA ANON I LOVE THIS SM AND YOU ARE THE SWEETEST!! I love this idea and I hope I was able to fulfill your desires with this scenario!! I didn’t know the flowers you liked so I picked some random ones I hope that’s okay!! If there is anything you don’t like you can tell me and I’ll be happy to fix it, don’t be afraid to request more things! Not proofread so sorry for any mistakes

You’ve always been a shy character, it was something you couldn’t help, you had friends growing up but you just liked your own company so you avoided social interaction during your years of transitioning to a teenager to an adult

It didn’t take you long to realize that it bit you in the ass, you became even more shy than you were as a child, and social interaction was more scarier then ever.

you only had one friend from childhood, Fiona, she certainly was a snarky character but she helped you move to Pennsylvania, she got you a job at the pet shop but she didn’t mention that you’d have a dog following you around everywhere

That dog was a Local Fighter Rocky Balboa, yeah he was attractive ( like extremely attractive ) but you never received male attention ever, it was a shock to you that someone so extroverted, loud and energetic liked your type of personality

You didn’t mind the attention he gave you it’s just you didn’t know how to respond, and what’s crazy is that he never stopped his chances with talking to you, or asking you to come to one of his fights

You felt like you were in a point of your life was to keep working and getting out of the poor side of Philadelphia, you thought you weren’t able to get a partner in this stage ( it’s your shyness stop the cap ) but on the other hand rocky was in awe of you

He likes the drastic differences in your guys personalities he definitely believes in “ opposites attract “ and not to mention the fact he found you insanely pretty, he just had to have a chance with you, but it seems like no matter what he does you always brush him off

He knows you don’t do it purposely but it still sorta bugged him, but he only viewed it as a sign to keep proving to you until you guys went on a date together so that’s exactly what he did on your Saturday off work

But it was unintentional, none of you guys knew you both liked to go to the fancy rich downtown side of Philadelphia, you liked the stores, the lights, the way the sun shined down it and the atmosphere, meanwhile rocky just walked around to clear his mind, two different reasons but it works!

While rocky walked down the sidewalk of the fancy town bouncing the blue toy ball he looks up at this flower shop, he noticed a lady staring at a certain bouquet of flowers, a mesmerizing combination of white lilacs and red dahlias. He couldn't quite explain why he was fixated on this seemingly random lady, but an inexplicable familiarity drew him in. So, he patiently waited for this lady to turn around.

When “ this lady “ was you and you did turn around, Rocky's face lit up with joy, and a warm smile graced his features. He intended to approach you, but just as he was about to, you turned on your heel and walked away. A frown crept onto his face, but he decided to visit the flower shop's window instead. There, he inquired about the price of the lilac and dahlia bouquet.

Back in Rocky's apartment, he grabbed a couple of ice cubes from the freezer and placed them on his forehead. His love for you drove him to want to provide everything you needed and deserved, but he faced financial constraints, struggling even to take care of himself. Determined, he knew he had to find his next fight to secure the money for that special bouquet.

Night fell, and Rocky continued his routine of stopping by at the pet shop. Each morning and evening, he'd pop in to check on the animals and share his daily joke with you. However, this time, he didn't show up. Worried that he might have given up on you, you asked Fiona about his whereabouts, trying not to arouse suspicion.

"Hey Fiona! Do you happen…to know where Rocky is?..by any means?.." You nervously inquired.

Fiona glanced up from her magazine, still somewhat engrossed in it. "Hmm, no, hun, I don't. I think Paulie mentioned something about a fight earlier at the bar," she replied casually.

You oddly forget that he fights for a living, It was one thing to enjoy watching others in the ring, but the thought of him enduring punches and blows for a paycheck weighed heavily on your mind more than it should if your being honest

Sweating and panting, Rocky waited in the locker room with an ice pack on his forehead, eagerly anticipating his earnings as the victorious fighter. The sum was $200, but after deductions for showers and towels, he was left with $100.

“ hey rocky, here’s your share for tonight ah, so 200 dollars but with shower, towel, etc fee that’s a hundred dollars less, but with you being the winner I’m living you with 100 “

Either way His excitement soared, not because he was thinking of paying his rent, but because he finally had enough to buy you the bouquet you deserved.

The next day, he returned to the flower shop, joyfully paid for the flowers, although the cashier might’ve thought he was too excited because after she said the price he slammed a 20 dollar bill on the counter with an eager smile

( AUTHORS NOTE!!! 20 dollars might not seem ALOT but I tried doing some research of prices back then and now, and the economy has changed alot, so back than 20 dollars would have the modern value of 120 dollars so it was extremely expensive back then )

and brought them back to his apartment, placing them in a vase. He patiently waited until your shift ended, timing his arrival perfectly. As you locked up the store and waved goodbye to the puppies in the window, he hid the bouquet behind his back.

"Yo, Y/n!" he called out, surprising you with his presence at this hour.

Startled yet delighted at his voice, you turned around to see Rocky's beaming face and noticed his concealed hands. "Oh, hi, Rocky. Um, what are you doing out here so late?" You asked hesitantly, eager to engage in conversation for the first time.

Rocky chuckled warmly and replied, "You think I can't protect myself? Well, I got you something. I hope you like them; I think they're really special."

In an instant, you was presented with a dazzling bouquet of lilacs and dahlias, exactly the one you had admired in the downtown shop. Your smile radiated happiness as you gratefully accepted the flowers. This thoughtful gesture made you see Rocky in a whole new light.

"Wow! These are absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much!" You exclaimed, overflowing with joy. You hugged him tightly, prompting him to shift the bouquet to his opposite hand, laughter bubbling up at your unexpected reaction.

Unable to contain your gratitude, you continued, "I can't possibly thank you enough. You didn't have to, and how did you even know I loved these?"

Rocky, slightly bashful, replied, "Well, you see, I can be very focused on things, and I thought you'd like 'em you know and uh they are just for you. " He offered to walk you home, and you accepted. As you guys strolled down the sidewalk, you subtly inched your pinky closer to his hand, a silent invitation from your shy nature. He smiled and, taking the hint, gently held your hand.

"You tryna hold my hand now, babe?" he teased. You chuckled and warned, "I can stomp on these, you know." He bent down to leave a kiss on top of your head, and together, you guys continued walking, talking about his fight the previous night and forging a deeper connec

Thank you so much for reading this!!! I really hope it gives you rocky vibes and fills your scenario desires!! Sorry if this took longer than you expect I was focusing on my YouTube channel for awhile!! I appreciate the love and the support and feel free to request anything any time you want<3 bye guys ❤️‼️

[onboardsorasora]

34 year old Daniel in the 90s is basking in his parents love and teasing Michelle. A part of him doesn’t want to return to 2024 because he hasn’t been able to be home like this since he was 17 and left for Italy

Decided to hop to it lmao. for you bestie!

De-Aged Daniel | De-Aged Daniel Pt2 | De-Aged Daniel Pt3 | De-Aged Daniel Pt 4 | De- Aged Daniel Pt 5 | De-Aged Daniel Part 6 | De-Aged Daniel Part 7 | De-Aged Daniel Part 8 | De-Aged Daniel Part 9 | De-Aged Daniel Part 10 |

Daniel sat in the far corner of the breakfast nook watching with soft eyes as his mother went about preparing lunch. It had come as a shock; one minute he was putting on his race boots to jump into the sim and the next he was standing in the yard. 

His father had come running immediately, having seen it all happen. How his five year old self had been cycling around the yard before he– well no one really knew how it happened, but Daniel was standing there instead. He’d bitten back the joke about thankfully being fully clothed, he didn’t think his parents would have appreciated it.

It had been very emotional. Very surprising. Michelle had run away to her room– fair. Grace had cried immediately, pulling him into a tight hug. Joe had stared at him with something akin to pride. 

Now Daniel sat in the kitchen reeling off random facts about the future. Things he always told himself he’d remember to tell his parents if he ever got sent back to the past.

“Oh, invest in Apple. They probably aren’t on the stock exchange now but when they pop up– trust me.” He sipped his tea as Grace laughed.

“How about you tell us other things than insider trading.” Joe grinned.

“Well, what do you want to know?” Daniel put his mug down with a clank.

“I know there’s a bunch of shite you’re not allowed to tell us. But what’s there to know about grown up Daniel Ricciardo? Your accent is different, did you move away?”

“Actually,” Daniel smiled softly. “Yeah I did. I became a formula one driver. And I needed to move to Italy to do it.”

Daniel felt his chest warm at the shock on his parents’ face, how they looked him over carefully as if taking in this new information and trying to see how such a high paced career would have changed him from their precious baby boy.

“Well I’ll be damned.” Joe muttered, “thats fucking amazing. For which team? Ferrari?”

“Well no, they never officially gave me a contract. But– well my team doesn’t exist yet. But they’re fast, currently the world champions. I won 7 races with them.” Daniel smiled proudly when Grace came over to hug him tightly.

“I’m so proud of you baby waby.” 

Daniel felt his chest clench and tears spring to his eyes. He hadn’t heard that endearment in so long, it brought back memories of wonderful times.

“I love you too mummy wummy.” his voice cracked when he said it and Grace held him tighter. When she finally let go, Daniel got up to clutch Joe tightly. Not one to go without his father’s hugs, he didn’t see why he should start now.

“Gosh, I miss you guys.” Daniel muttered. Grace frowned.

“Do you spend a lot of time away?”

“Too much. You guys come to some races too, but– it's still a lot of travel at the end of the day.” He had to bite his tongue to keep from mentioning Isaac and Isabella.

“Where were you before you Exchanged?” Joe asked after a bit.

“Oh I was at work, so little me is probably with Blake right now. Poor sucker, he has to deal with adult me and little me. I hope I terrorize him a little.” Daniel giggled, thinking about all the chaos his small counterpart could be unleashing right now on his long time friend.

“Don’t be mean, you weren’t that terrorizing.” Grace would never hear a slight against her baby, not even from him himself.

“They say it's not always an even exchange, you seek out what makes you most comfortable. So if not Blake, where would you go?” Joe asked and they watched as Daniel grow soft and bite his lip.

“Max. Probably.” 

“Who’s Max?”

“He’s… everything.”

[sassycheesecake]

LAST MEET AND GREET DAY 9:

#10, Wing Spiker Oriver Barnes of the MSBY Black Jackals

Barnes was stretching on the gym floor when he heard his three-year old daughter calling his name

She is a perfect mix of him and his divorced partner

Sigh

It's already been a year since your guys' divorce and Barnes has not been taking it well since day one

The two of you constantly fought over his busy schedule, about Barnes forgetting to pick up your daughter because training went on too long too many times

You finally had enough when your daughter had to stand in the rain, waiting for her father for over an hour, only to end up sick the next morning

Oriver and you fought so much, after that incident you finally had enough and you filed for divorce

Both of you settled for an agreement on when to take your daughter and now it's been going on for about a year now

The Middle Blocker tried to move on but he simply can't

He still loves you since the first time he laid eyes on you

When she hugs her father tight, he sees you walking over with slow steps, holding her Bluey backpack with a tight smile on your face

"Hey." You both say in sync

"What are you doing here? I thought she was staying with you this week." Barnes asks you, trying to make some small talk as your daughter uses him as a playground device

"I know, but she really wanted to come and see you. And I can't keep her from seeing her father."

Your daughter sees Tomas and runs to him, being the Godfather of her, leaving you and your ex-husband alone for a bit

Meian knows how much his teammate misses you, Oriver is constantly talking about you, has pictures of your daughter and still of you in his locker and looks completely heartbroken whenever he sees you leaving with your daughter after it was his turn to have her stay at his place

Oriver looks over at Meian and the ravenette gives a silent nod in return, keeping your guys' daughter occupied as planned

Oriver begins to stand up and you still shocked at the 6'7 height of the massive Opposite Hitter

He looks unsure into your direction, asking if he could talk to you in private

You are surprised and a little bit unsure to be honest but agree nonetheless

He takes you into the meeting room, whenever they talk about after game strategies

After the door is closed for some privacy, your former partner-for-life turns to look at you with a face full of sorrow

"Listen, I know this is extremely shit timing but please listen to what I have to say. I-I know it's already been almost a year, but every day is torture for me. I miss you by my side. Your smiles, your laughs. Just everything about you. Our daughter tells me that you cry almost every night and it breaks my heart, knowing that I can't be there to hold and comfort you.  I still call you 'My (Y/N)' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known. You have graced us with a beautiful, gorgeous, smart daughter. She takes after you in so many ways and I am reminded of what I should have fought harder for. I lost my other half, my soulmate. I feel like there is an empty hole inside my heart that can't be filled with something new. I need you, I want you back in my life. If you'll have me, please give us another chance."

By the time Oriver finished talking, you're both crying

You're taking fast steps towards the Wing Spiker and he doesn't hesitate to pull you into his strong arms

The dark-haired man rests his chin on top of your head, caressing your back while you're trying to control your sobs

Oriver comforts you by just holding you, caressing you and you realise how much you needed it, needed him

Maybe it was a rushed decision after all

You're both in there for a while, until Meian tells him that it's time to start the warm up because the game will start soon

Oriver and you both agree to take it slow, wanting to build up again what you used to have

But out of everyone, your daughter couldn't be happier

[hanahaki-disease]

Jason knows his brother is pretty. It was obvious and understandable.

Even when Jason is two years old and he is just starting to get back on his feet with confidence, and Percy had just left momy's belly and was a warm tiny doll who couldn't even cry much, only blinking his big shiny eyes in confusion, he was a pleasant sight. The working girls whom their mother fed always cooed admiringly over him, and then their faces turned pale and twisted with fear. Jason, who sat on the floor next to Percy's makeshift cradle and let his little brother play with his hand, could never understand why they did this.

His naivety, contrary to the opinion of some, once lived. Percy grew and became more beautiful, like a budding water lily, his curls were silky and graceful, his eyes, shining and bright as sea glass, could charm the gaze, and his delicate, warm skin shone like golden bronze.

Jason understands just in time why their mom is trying to make Percy look sloppy and dirty, why young working girls look at Percy's charming face with fear, and old, broken and resigned, with sympathy, why Percy needs to be especially strongly protected. Jason, a little arrogantly, can call himself understanding this world and he damn well spends half his time at the local free library, he knows what will happen to the beautiful and innocent, born in the dirt on the underworld.

Even in the real world without French romanticism, a lustful priest, a stupid knight and some kind of freak***, there are too many dangers for Percy, even more than for an ordinary street rat - exploitation, trafficking, cruel rich men and a bunch of other terrible things that can happen to his little brother-lamb.

Only because his delicate lips were delicately outlined by the arch of cupid, and wanted to look at the little sweet freckles on his cheeks for hours. It sticks in eyes of Jason like broken glass when Jason is five and Percy is three and he looks like an expensive porcelain doll that the girls from Diamond District are playing with.

This is one of Willis's friends. He was sitting in the living room drinking beer with their stepfather, Willis went out for something, and their mom went to bed early in her room because she felt bad. Percy goes into the living room because he forgot his teddy bear there, Jason got too carried away with the book...

Jason runs as fast as he can when he hears screams, in the living room he sees Willis holding another man pinned against the wall, while furiously shouting a dirty stream of insults at him, and Percy cowering in a corner, scared.

Willis' screams mix with Jason's screams, their mom wakes up and runs to them, she scoops Percy up and hugs him, Willis throws another man out the door, hitting him hard a couple of times, Jason is too small to kick him between the legs. It's disappointing.

That night, when Percy falls asleep lying on their mother's chest, and the doors of the tiny bedroom are tightly adjusted and there is a knife under his mother's pillow, Jason, with rage still burning inside and a soft kiss on his brother's cheeks, vows to protect him. Defend fiercely and desperately. Destroy any bastard, If need to rip his heart out of his chest for his brother's sake..

*** - Jason means the novel Notre-Dame de Paris and compares Percy to Esmeralda.

Oooooooh this gave me many ideas >:]

1000000000/10 absolutely lovely. Would read more.

I really need to explore Percy’s beauty more in the series more. Because, yes, I describe him a lot (And I mean a lot) but it’s always through the eyes of either himself or his family, and they are used to his slightly unnatural, but desirable beauty.

And I love how you had Willis willing to fight the guy to protect Percy, even though we didn’t know what named guy did he can infer and I love it when authors do that. And maybe that’s where Jason learned, or had been told by Willis as the young age of five, that he was going to have to do all he can to make sure Percy is safe and protected because he is too pretty. And bad people do bad things to pretty people.

Anyway, 100000+/10 I absolutely loved this and I’m so glad you shared ❤️

[cugzarui]

rewatching ben 10 cuz i feel like it

i have watched kuro's reviews and he keeps being frustrated that ben has to relearn the same lessons (like not needing the omnitrix to be a hero) but looking at the first two episodes i think there might be a reason ben is like this

he seems to have some inherent desire to be a hero and help people, but doesn't seem to actually have what it takes to do it. forgetting for a moment that his idea of "being a hero" is essentially "beat up bad guys" and "rescue people from physically dangerous situations", he just doesn't even have the physical ability to do those things. then the omnitrix shows up and suddenly he can do those things, and you can see he thinks of it as his chance to help people, to be a hero. and he's a ten year old kid. this was undeniably a formative memory for him. so i think it makes sense that even if he learns that he can be a hero without the omnitrix, it does make sense that he'd at least need reminding of it.

now circling back to his entire conception of heroism: his idea of being a hero seems entirely focused on the awesomeness of overcoming physical adversity and beating up bad guys - a typical belief for a young boy in the early 2000s - but in this case i think his obsession with it may also have to do with his grandpa.

when max picks up ben, he mentions how he thought it would be nice to have gwen join them this summer. this summer. implying they do this vacation regularly. ben also mentions he's been looking forward to this all summer so it looks like he and max are pretty tight; and in hindsight (knowing max is used to be a superhero in his own right) it would make sense he instilled in ben some idealism for heros. but he probably didnt need to try too hard considering ben is, once again, a young boy in the early 2000s - a condition which probably explains why bens idea of heros is a bit warped at this stage. i doubt max taught ben that physical might is the way of the hero but i do think thats what ben wouldve taken away since its simple and cool.

this idealising of heros would be a constant throughout bens childhood and another core part of his personality, so it makes sense he would need to be regularly reminded that heros arnt just about overcoming physical hazards and beating up bad guys and being awsome, even if its a lesson he's already learned in the past.

i havent analyzed the other characters as much as i did ben but heres a quick rundown:

vilgax: fully crafted to be an archetypal evil overlord. watching this now he almost seems comical. he exists to be setup and namedrop and be intimidating, and thats basically the only reason hes in the show at this point. (he does of course become important later)

max: i kinda get the feeling max is a little selfish. he didnt ask ben if he's ok with gwen joining them (he couldve at least said something ahead of time). he keeps making dishes he likes but that the kids think are gross. his saving grace is he is experienced and wise enough to not push his luck or do anything totally stupid. my image of him changed less than my image of vilgax and i still like him a lot but my image of him did drop a little. on the other hand he feels more human and his taste in food would be very trendy on tiktok

gwen: she feels more like an archetype at this point and its honestly hard for me to analyze her. shes obviously The Responsible One and is the straight man to bens goofy shenanigans, but shes not above some goofing around herself, which is a nice touch. i like how as much as she bickers with ben they still have each others backs, and how she still listens to max and respects him but doesnt...idolize him? thats not the right word...to contrast bens relationship with max which ontop of respect includes some idolization i think. but what i like the most about her is how she beats up robots and mutant monsters.

animo: hes so much more of a person. hes become a gimmick in the later series and essentially just exists in a vacuum. why is he mutating animals? cuz hes doctor animo. he doesnt need a reason. but in classic he HAS a reason. he has a backstory and a good one. hes a legitimate threat instead of a goofball. i like him being a goofball too but i missed this animo.

as for the aesthetic of the show

i really like watching early 2000s shows because the culture in them is marginally but noticeably different from what we have now. its in bens ashy voice. its in the character designs. its in the entire alien theme of the show. the theme song seems to be a variant of creepy alien music but made to be awsome and inspirational instead of scary. i dont know much about music but i think this show has a lot of punk influence as well if im not mistaken.

animos monsters are also interesting in their design. i feel like they may be inspired by old designs of demons? dont know enough to say anything about that.

bens aliens though definitely feel like they were designed more with the idea of "alternate versions of ben" than the idea of aliens.

one complaint is that have is that vilgaxes drones are apparently do shoddy you can wreck them with a shovel??? i know gwen is the one who was wielding that shovel but still. the shovel shouldve realistically broken before the robot.

edit: note: remember that stick ben tried to use to pry off the omnitrix and the stick broke while lodged under the omnitrix? i wonder if theres still a small piece of it left under there for the entire original show and if it ever itches

edit2: they say 'busted' a lot in this show. phineas and ferb is also pretty 'busting' centric. just interesting how the words we use to communicate seem to have changed in just a couple decades

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

So the inspector came, same guy as came to my door yesterday, was already wearing a mask and everything.

Can't complain about any mess, but he insists my storage stack is a "fire hazard" because there isn't 4 full feet of space around it, and gods forbid there be a fire or a fire inspection and he'd ''hate to see it happen to [me]'' but they have inspections yearly -and all- and if they saw it they'd 'put in an order to make me stay somewhere else while someone came in and threw out all my stuff for me' ...

... Which you know, would get me fucking DEAD of the FUCKING PLAGUE, which you know they also wouldn't pay for [wherever I have to stay like a hotel], and would mean losing 50% of what I own for the crime of what was it again?

Oh yes. Being assaulted and having my home sold out from under me, forcing me to move a house-worth of stuff into a 10*17 apartment before getting deathly ill two separate times in a year and a half.

I cant' stay at a hotel. It would be a death sentence. I have nowhere else to go. And I'm also pretty sure he's planning on it, or knows it's going to happen soon.

So yeah, this winter I was going through the rest of it, but now I have to play a game of rushing to get it done before he or anyone else can "inconveniently" call a fire inspection down on my head.

... Like he seemed like a nice guy, but I don't fucking trust this situation.

This feels like I am being set up on purpose.

He gave me his work email to keep him 'updated on my progress', but I have no idea how much that's going to be used against me somehow by this management corporation.

I did ask him to get an on-demand water heater for the building and explained that the guy above me has been harassing me over water usage though. He says he doesn't know what the boiler situation for the building even is yet.

Like I would already be on my own ass to downsize faster but I'm a little jaundiced right now from all the organ fuckery as it is and I just didn't want to push it when I could have approached it at a healthier safer pace instead.

But now it's looking like I have no choice.

The problem is my whole body is still swelling to all shit in every single joint and the more I use them the worse I get. Even my jaw is starting to click and grind painfully any time I try to chew food.

Like my joints are turning visibly purple on the inside from the torn up tissue from having to use them yesterday despite the swelling and that tissue damage is going to tax the hell out of my liver and kidneys. Which have already let me turn slightly yellow as of yesterday at least.

And all these health problems and being in this situation can all be traced directly back to fine and gb keeping me sick with plague exposure, gb assaulting me and my last landlord selling the house out from under us once I told him. Each shit situation I am in keeps catapulting me into the next faster than anyone could be expected to catch up or cope and I literally have 0 [zero] recourse or help whatsoever.

And the more it snowballs off of what other people did, the more it starts to look like it's just me and like there isn't really an excuse, because oh it been a year so why haven't you fixed everything and gotten better? Like because this shit all takes time and physical energy and I'm disabled, but no one making these decisions has to care or listen. And because I keep getting noise complaints made against me every time I move stuff around.

Isn't there such thing as legal grace periods? Like wouldn't the fire inspector HAVE to give me fucking time to fix the problem?

And every time I move things around to clean or downsize the stupid neighbour makes a fucking noise complaint against me, and the landlord tells me to STOP the TELL ME TO STOP, every time. Every time I try to use hot water, or now any water at all, to wash myself, my clothes and my apartment, the neighbour throws a bitchfit and runs the water on me.

So I am going to go play raft for the rest of today because fuck it, but if you don't hear from me for a while it's because I'm neck deep in solving problems faster than people can try to ruin my life or literally get me killed over them.

Or I'm busy writing emails and playing diplomat or something.

I guess instead of taking a week to recover I am trowing myself into the downsizing again as of morning. Hopefully I really was right on the edge of recovery and I'll be able to handle this and still move enough to feed myself.

Cool.

... Also I know he can't have known -and this isn't a sincere complaint- but he misgendered both me and my cat :(

Sir we are boys >:( Ignore that we're pretty T~T

One thing I can say for him is that at least he knocked and made sure I actually got the notice. :/

[transmascpetewentz]

sometimes i wonder why i'm still in therapy but then i have a session where i talk about something that's been annoying me recently and she gives amazing 10/10 advice. also i now realize i need another meeting to update the accommodations i get (bc the ones my paperwork says i get, i no longer need, while i need some others that i don't have on my paperwork)

some things that i thought would be total non issues ended up being huge issues. and it's very weird things too. like who knew someone would surprise me with cooking. yeah my paperwork doesn't explicitly say that i can't do cooking but how could i even have predicted that it would come up. and i thought that not screaming at someone and making accusations when they display neurodivergent behavior was a no brainer bar that everyone could clear but apparently something has to be made explicit for some people to care.

and this year people have gotten worse. as soon as someone displays any neurodivergent behavior the accusations start flying. oh i don't like this very rigid writing process? i want to actually start writing before i pick out every word out of order? nope, it must mean i have a "computer addiction" (which has even less evidence supporting it than phone addiction does) and that this alleged addiction is my moral failure and that my use of a computer to write means that i'm intentionally trying to collapse western civilization. and any original idea that i have just means i'm not understanding that i need to talk about the plot of the book (in a very rigid framework that means that we just understand the basic moral instead of being encouraged to do real literary analysis. i mean, of course this guy who wrote a story about everyone being equal in every way still kept gender, because the end of the world is more likely than any slight challenge of the gender roles)

and of course, me looking down must mean that im not paying attention and intentionally trying to disrespect people. and when people scream at me to look up and i do, that must mean that they righteously saved me from my inattention even though i'm paying even less attention to the speaker because i'm paying attention to my body language to make sure i don't piss people off. would i like to have something to do other than staring at the wall? well that's obviously my phone addiction talking. people who aren't psychologists obviously have the ability to diagnose a phone addiction in every person they meet and then attribute their completely normal and harmless behavior to that addiction.

i love education and i think it's great. it's one of the best jewish values imo. that's also why i'm a major fan of renaissance humanism. but being micromanaged isn't education, it's training me like a dog to use the right body language while simultaneously understanding absolutely nothing because appearances are more important than actual learning. ironically my "hardest" classes are actually my easiest ones because i can focus on learning about the subject matter instead of paying constant attention to my body language in order to make myself appear like i'm paying attention.

tbh i don't even know what kind of accomodation i would need for this. i just wish that people would give me slightly more grace when i'm displaying neurodivergent behavior. but that's not something that can go in documentation because it's extremely subjective and has more to do with people's subconscious thought processes than their conscious choices to be assholes. i hate it sm i literally have moral rule following ocd and the first year that i have done education since i started meds for my ocd and learned to stop giving as much of a shit, i'm getting mixed signals and being told that i'm actually intentionally unfocused and disrespectful because of my body language.

and of course everything also requires images because some studies have come out saying that people without visual processing disorder "learn better" with images, and of course if i can't understand what's happening in an image then it's my fault because i'm not wearing my glasses for looking at things far away when i'm looking at something a few inches in front of me. and when i wear my glasses and i still can't understand it i'm told i actually just don't see the image well and should look more closely. i explain that i see the image perfectly well and just don't understand what's happening in it, and then i get told to zoom in again. it's an endless cycle and when i explain that i have a disorder people say they understand but then 1.5 minutes later they go back to acting like it's my fault.

[crypticsesh]

Sorta long post:

Soooo my pain management doctor dropped me end of December, because his practice stopped taking my insurance. I've been seeing this doctor for like eight years. He's the only doctor I've trusted to give me my upper and lower back epidurals. He was the first doctor to look past my age, my weight, and me being female, and just listened. He believed me when no one else did. This man has my absolute trust when it comes to pain...

He did tell me which Doctor to see that's still covered by my plan and is still in network. But I can't see the new doctor 'til middle or end of February.

I ran out of pain meds last week. I've been rationing them. Trying alternative methods to ease my pain vs taking my meds. But I make it about maybe two days before my body starts with withdrawal symptoms. My body has, much to my dismay, become dependent on my pain medication. I hate the revelation of that. I hate it beyond words. I never wanted to be on medication to begin with. Least of all become addicted...and I know I'm not mentally addicted. However, the fact remains my body has become dependent and therefore I feel addiction may soon follow. But I'm going to continue to thwart that as much as I possibly can.

Fuck, I digress from my original point of this post....

I called last week and again today to my old pain management doctor. I have an appointment set up with him for Thursday so I can get my refills....and it'll of course be all out of pocket. But I mean, it's not out of reach financially (by the grace of the cosmos, we can afford it) and I'm hoping I'll be able to continue to see him strictly for epidurals. Maybe my new doctor can do a referral for my epidurals and I can take it to him and just do out of pocket for it.

Anyway! Fuck...I'm losing my train of thought again 😮‍💨

I called my pharmacy to see if by chance I had anything on hold to fill....

Guys.... y'all!!! 😭 I have a full prescription for my pain meds sitting there from November!! I don't know if October was just a good month pain wise and I didn't need to refill in November...I don't know and I don't care.

I'm so fucking happy!!

I was so terrified to go through full withdrawals...and now, now I'll be okay. And I'm just so damn happy, and lucky.

Life doesn't always work out in my favor. At least not from my perspective...but yeah.

I just needed to share.

Also, for anyone in a recreationally legal state for marijuana...if you guys look and find transdermal patches..omg. I'm in a medically legal state. Have my green card. Smoke for pain. But just found out about these transdermal patches...mine are weak compared to what I'm sure could be found in recreational states...but my back pain has gone from my normal 8 out of 10 and brought it down to like a 4 and fucking hell, I cried. Legitimately cried. I haven't felt this much relief in... forever to be honest. If you can find them and haven't tried them before I definitely say give them a try. My patches last 72 hours. I'm on day 2 and still feeling better then I have in a long long time. I'm sure y'all already know about them. But they're new to me, and thought Id throw in a mention about them.

Also, I found my dispensary sells tonic powders now. Edibles, tonics, and capsules don't work for me. I never get any relief. So I was very much incredibly skeptical about the tonic powder. But, I was extremely surprised to find they work! I mean logically, it's digested differently so I mean duh 🤦 But still....I don't medicate with marijuana during the day because of my job. It's not that I work with heavy machinery or anything, I just don't want to be high while working...so if I drink a tonic when I get home from work I don't need to take a pain pill. Which, to me is so wonderful.

So yeah, if you're like me and live with chronic pain but edibles don't do anything...maybe try a tonic or a transdermal patch? I don't know...i get that everything works differently for everyone. Especially in the chronic pain world. No two people can ever experience pain the same. And with marijuana...our bodies are just different and yeah, I don't know...I just wanted to share and maybe hopefully help someone along the way.

Stay lifted! 🌬️💨🍃

💜✌️🖖❤️

[cruorcrave]

7 January 2025

(TL;DR at the end.)

Yesterday was a really long day but overall pretty okay until the end. My sister, one of my aunts and I all went shopping for some winter and travel stuff for when we go overseas. It was pretty exciting even if spending that much money felt kind of terrifying and my feet were super sore after walking for four or so hours.

Last night wasn't great though. My dad's a bit of a hoarder and my mum is a very neat person (they're divorced so it's not usually much of a problem) but my dad's house is owned by one of my aunts (my mother's sister) and it's been causing some tension recently. Last night, me and my mother were staying at that aunt's house and they got into an argument whilst I was trying to sleep. I was sleeping on the couch so I had to wear long pants to bed so no one would see the wounds on my thigh and it was boiling hot. I had to blast music in my ears to drown out the sound of the argument. I did that a lot when I was younger but I haven't had to for a while because, again, parents have been separated for like 8 years. I made my "bed" on the couch at like 10:00 and got to sleep at, idk, midnight? Not that late, but with the rest of the day's 4+ hours of walking and talking taken into mind, I was fucking exhausted.

As such, today was rough. Sleep deprived, I mostly just sat around all day and it made me feel like shit. My mother and I went shopping for some travel stuff for her which was fun sort of but pretty tiring yet again. I got a pizza from my favourite pizza place which was nice! But we got home about an hour ago and I'm just wiped out.

It's been so bad mentally. One of my old friends (a cool one not one of the mean ones) is filming a short film soon and I'm in a few scenes and I'm so fucking anxious about it. The person I'm sharing the scenes with is someone I've had a lot of tension with but everyone thinks we're best friends because we've known each other for 12 years, had the same classes and had a secret handshake. But in all honesty, being around him is kind of awful. He makes me feel like shit for doing literally anything. Luckily though, some cool people will be there and we're only filming for a few hours. I messaged the main guy and he said if I need to take some extra breathers on the day that's totally okay. Such a chill dude, such a relief to hear that.

Unfortunately with all the shit that's been going on recently, I did relapse tonight. I feel so annoyed about it but it is what it is. Relapses are part of recovery. Healing isn't linear and all that. I just feel disappointed I guess. In myself that is.

I talked to my mother about moving back to the city to my aunt's house, even just on weekdays (she drives to and from the city every few days for work) and she said it seems like a good idea. She agrees I should get a job and connect with people some more. Glad to hear I'm making the right moves. Can't move until after we're back from our holiday, but that gives me some time to prepare. Still kind of feel scared about moving back though.

Happy for that friend being cool about me needing some room to breathe and thankful for my mother paying for so much of my travel expenses. People can be really cool if you stick with the right ones.

Song of the Day: Get Out Alive - Three Days Grace

TL;DR:

Last two days have been really tiring. Did lots of shopping. Some of my relatives are arguing and it's annoying. Doing some filming for a short film soon and I'm really anxious about it. I relapsed. About 5 days clean before that. Might move back to the city when we return from our holiday.

Clean since 7 January 2025