#i truly did not allow myself to write a single word of the actual chapters until i finished the outline and had the ending planned | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jmbringitonworld · 3 years ago

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Good Girl Needs Kiss (3)

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

This chapter took longer than it should've, but some of the responses to the last chapter, particularly regarding me saying that there would be some minor Frans in the fic, were incredibly disheartening. And off-putting, honestly. I completely lost all interest in this fic for a few days, until I had a few really nice chats with the one who inspired this fic in the first place. Her encouragement really helped return my motivation for writing this last chapter out. So I'm very grateful to her. Thank you so much to @a-snowpoff for lifting my spirits enough for this final chapter to come out as soon as it did.

But seriously, guys. Literally every single one of my other works has Frans as a main pairing, and I specifically mention it on my blog page, so no one should be surprised about my shipping preferences. And when I said that these elements would be minor, I meant it. I've been very careful (not that I should be, frankly) to make sure that Sans and Frisk's (who is an ADULT!) relationship is left ambiguous. If you want to interpret their interactions as purely platonic, then that's perfectly fine. They can be nothing more than close friends, if you want them to be. My Frisk is naturally flirty (but playfully so, she's not actually serious), and has taken every opportunity to flirt during her journey in the Underground (yes, even with Toriel; no, she didn't call her "mom", that would've been weird, even for Frisk).

For those of you who're still here, I hope this final chapter is to your liking. I put a lot of work into it, as I do with all of my works, and I hope it shows.

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Chapter 3 : No More Secrets

The first thing I noticed upon entering Frisk’s home were the flowerpots, seemingly filled with nothing but dirt. They were everywhere , with at least one placed on every available surface. It quickly became apparent what they were for, however, as Flowey stretched his vine-like stems out towards a nearby pot, resting on top of a high shelf, and sunk his roots into the soil, sliding off of Frisk’s arm in the same instant. The ambassador bent down, allowing me to hop out of her arms, before standing back up to address her flower friend and housemate.

“I’ll go put away the fish stuff we bought, and then I’ll order us some pizza. Are there any toppings in particular you fancy, hun?”

Flowey tapped a leaf to his ‘chin’ in thought.

“Hmm... Maybe something with mushrooms? And make sure they add extra cheese this time!”

Frisk giggled, giving him a wink as she stepped into the next room.

“Okay, bud , will do.”

Flowey shot her departing back a disgusted look.

“Wish she’d stop hanging out with that smiley trashbag. I keep telling her he’s nothing but garbage , but she refuses to listen to me. Urgh...” he grumbled to himself, folding one leaf over another as if crossing his ‘arms’. Unlike when talking to Papyrus, Flowey’s voice was filled with genuine disdain, bordering on hatred, for this other person.

I tilted my head up at him. Was he... talking about Sans ? It seemed strange to me, since Sans struck me as an easy-going joker, laidback and fun-loving. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything to make someone hate him the way Flowey clearly did. Huh ... I frowned to myself in thought. I wonder what happened between them, for Flowey to dislike him so much .

Flowey noticed my attention on him and sneered at me.

“Don’t even think about peeing on me, runt. I’m not some simple weed, and if you try anything...” his face morphed into a truly devilish expression, his voice growing oddly distorted, “I’ll show you what I can really do.”

His evil smile held the promise of pain, and something told me that it was no empty threat. Despite looking like nothing more than a common, golden flower, albeit one with a face, I could sense that Flowey was more than capable of backing up his words. I (wisely, I’d say) turned away and decided to ignore him, in favour of exploring the rest of the room. His gaze followed me the entire time.

The sweet scent of flowers filled the room, not surprising considering who lived here, but they weren’t all from Flowey, so I guessed that there must be other flowers around, perhaps in the garden I’d caught a glimpse of when I arrived? I could also detect a hint of cinnamon and butterscotch lingering in the air. Mmmm, yummy ... I really hoped that I would get to have a taste of whatever was making that smell.

The room, which I assumed to be the living room, was warm and cosy, furnished with a plush couch, a few comfy-looking armchairs, a glass coffee table, and a large television. A massive fish tank lit up most of one wall, filled with all manner of colourful fish. The only objects of real interest to me, however, were the numerous picture frames decorating the walls, and lining the shelves alongside the flowerpots. Intensely curious to know more about Frisk, both because of her achievements, and because of her friendship with Papyrus, I carefully took in each and every photo.

The vast majority of them featured Frisk (and a very clearly reluctant Flowey) with various monsters, most notably to me, Sans and Papyrus. The three of them were often pictured together, and were obviously very close. I also recognised the king and queen of the monsters, Asgore and Toriel, who both seemed to regard the human woman with a great deal of warmth and affection. I’d heard about the monster rulers being incredibly friendly, and clearly that extended to their ambassador as well. Two other monsters who appeared frequently were a tall, fierce-looking fish monster, and a plump, timid-looking lizard monster. The fish monster was also often photographed with Papyrus, the both of them seeming to get on well, so I assumed that they must be good friends.

I felt my heart grow warm as I gazed at Papyrus’s bright smile in so many of these photos. He looked so happy, surrounded by his friends. I’m glad he has so many people who care about him . He was such an out-going, gregarious guy, I couldn’t imagine him being on his own. The very thought made my heart hurt. Thankfully, he was clearly quite popular. As he should be , I nodded to myself.

Curiously, there was another human who appeared in several of the photos, though usually only with Frisk and Flowey. I couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance this other human bore to Frisk, both in terms of physical appearance, including fashion choices funnily enough, and in their expressions. They must have been related, perhaps even siblings, given their obvious closeness. I wondered if I’d get to meet them some day.

“That’s my little brother, Kris,” a soft voice suddenly spoke up from above me, and I yelped in surprise. Frisk smiled apologetically down at me. “Sorry, baby floof, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She then bent down and stroked my back, coaxing my fur to settle back down. I could hear Flowey snicker from somewhere above me, but I resolutely ignored him, choosing to instead focus on the pleasant pampering being bestowed on me, by gentle hands. Frisk’s warm, soft flesh made an interesting contrast to Papyrus’s not-exactly-cold, not-exactly-hard bones, though I found both to be enjoyable. Frisk’s stroking soon evolved into massages, as she rubbed soothing circles along my head, and around my face and ears. I felt too blissful to even wag my tail properly, and just laid out across the floor, my legs stretched out, as I languidly basked in the comfort. I could hear Frisk cooing at me in a baby voice, but her words were lost on me, as I floated on cloud nine.

My impromptu pampering session eventually came to an end when the doorbell rang. Frisk leapt up and rushed to the door, returning swiftly, holding a large pizza box in her hands. I still felt fuzzy from the massage, but the enticing scent of hot pizza kicked the dog portion of my brain into gear, and my tiny paws automatically brought me towards the tantalising food. Frisk laid a plate with a pizza slice on it, down on the ground in front of me, and I eagerly dove in. Ooh, extra cheese! Yay! Flowey must be happy!

Once lunch had been devoured, and the plates and pizza box cleared away, Frisk brought me out into her garden, which was as much of a flower paradise as I had expected it to be. Flowey followed us, moving from flowerpot to flowerpot, before finally sinking into the soft earth outside. I took a moment to breathe in the fresh air, and feel the sun on my fur. It truly was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming. On days like these, dogs like me should be smelling the roses , I thought to myself, as I trotted over to the nearest flower and stuck my nose in amongst its petals, inhaling deeply. And promptly sneezed, as the pollen flew into my nostrils. Oof... bad idea ...

Flowey cackled at my misfortune, the evil plant, but Frisk was a lot more sympathetic, using a tissue to wipe away the remaining traces of pollen from my poor nose. I gave her a miserable look, and she bent down to give me a soft kiss to the top of my head. It sadly didn’t break my spell, but it did let me know that I had a friend in her, which was just as good, honestly. I’d made two friends in two days! And all it’d taken was messing up a spell so badly, it’d left me stuck as a rat-dog! I was the greatest witch ever!

Seeing that I was once again in high spirits, Frisk decided that it was playtime, as she took out a familiar object. That’s the Cool Flame Ball Papyrus got for me! I barked excitedly. With a practised motion, Frisk tossed the ball into the distance, and some canine instinct immediately took over, compelling me to run after it. The ball flew through the air for a bit, before it fell to the ground and bounced a few times, until I eventually managed to grab it in my jaws. Pride swelled within my chest, as I strutted back to Frisk with my prize, my head held high.

When I dropped my ball in front of her, Frisk showered me in praise, crouching down to pet my head. I wagged my tail proudly, feeling like a very good dog indeed. Hey, wait a minute! I froze, my eyes wide in realisation. I’m not a DOG! I’m a human! I’ve gotta snap out of it and stop - The ball flew through the air again and my legs were moving before I knew what was happening.

At some point during this mortifying game of fetch, Frisk had passed my ball to Flowey and somehow managed to convince him to play, though not without a lot of exaggerated complaining on the flower’s part. His aim was a little off, and he’d sometimes put too much, or too little force into the throw, but my bloody dog brain couldn’t care less, and I was having the time of my life, whether I wanted to or not (and I definitely did not !). A smile eventually crept onto Flowey’s face, and Frisk couldn’t help pointing it out, her own, knowing grin on her face.

“I see someone’s enjoying himself,” she giggled, tone gently teasing. “I told you you’d have fun.”

Flowey blushed, waving his leaves wildly in the air and spluttering his denial.

“I-I’m not having fun!” he insisted stubbornly, frowning at his human friend. “This isn’t fun ! I-It’s just a silly game, that only complete idiots would enjoy! How could I ever have fun throwing a stupid ball for some dumb mutt to catch?! The only one who’s having any fun is that brainless loser of a dog!”

What the fuck?! Not only do you insult me , but you also insult my Cool Flame Ball?! I growled at him, my earlier caution melting away into righteous fury and indignation. That’s it, you little shit! Feel my wrath! Doggy Drool Attack!! I then launched myself at Flowey and started vigorously licking him all over, putting my entire heart and soul into the task of completely covering every single inch of him in as much dog slobber as I could produce (which, to my great delight, was far more than I thought my tiny dog tongue was capable of; I swear Midnight’s tongue was not that wet!).

Flowey screeched in disgust, spitting and sputtering, and shaking violently under the deluge of dog saliva. Ha! Serves you right for being such an asshole! My tail was a blur, as it wagged for all of the satisfaction I was feeling. I was a little surprised that Flowey didn’t try to attack me, despite the long tendrils of thorny vines erupting from the ground around us, quivering ominously in the air. Maybe it was because I was “Papyrus’s dog”, or maybe it was because of Frisk’s presence, but regardless of the reason, it seemed like the sentient flower wasn’t as willing to hurt me as he pretended. That didn’t mean I was about to show him any mercy, though. No one disrespected my Cool Flame Ball and got away with it.

Frisk was on the ground, clutching her stomach, with tears glistening at the corners of her eyes, as her laughter rang through the air like the tinkling of bells. Suddenly, a much deeper baritone joined in on her laughter. I paused my assault to look up at the unexpected newcomer. Sans was leaning against the back door to the garden, hunched over as he chuckled, loud and unrestrained. Frisk’s eyes lit up, a bright smile gracing her face, as she stood up and went to go greet her guest.

“Sansy! What a pleasant surprise! We weren’t expecting you today.”

She wrapped her arms around his stocky form, and Sans returned her hug, smiling widely at her, his eyelights brightening.

“pap told me he’d left his new dog with you, so me, bein’ the good big brother that i am, i volunteered to fetch the lil’ pooch for him. saves him havin’ to make the trip. you know what a busy monster he is, and what a stand-up guy i am.”

He winked at her, and Frisk smiled warmly back at him. I blinked. Wait, you mean SANS is the older brother? Really!?

“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest, Sugar Skull,” Frisk leaned towards Sans, her smile turning flirty, and the skeleton monster bashfully averted his eyelights, a noticeable blush tinting his cheekbones. Beside me, Flowey scoffed in disgust, as he vainly tried to shake the dog spit off his leaves and petals.

“Urgh... Just great. The last thing I needed to make this day even worse, was to see you , Smiley Trashbag,” Flowey glared at him, genuine animosity in his tone. Sans returned his glare, his expression colder than I thought him capable of. It made my fur stand on end.

“hello to you too, weed,” his voice was equally frosty, clear hostility in the sharpness of his gaze and his tight grin.

“Hmph,” Flowey turned away from Sans, and towards his human friend. “Frisk, I’m leaving. I need a bath, because of this stupid mutt. Both of these idiots better be gone by the time I’m done.”

And without waiting for a reply, he sunk into the ground, disappearing completely into the earth. With him gone, the tension in the air evaporated. I sighed with relief, glad that nothing serious had happened. I don’t know what I’d have done if they’d started fighting.

Frisk let out a soft sigh, frowning at Sans in disapproval.

“I wish you two would make some effort to get along,” she crossed her arms, her tone exasperated. “He’s my friend, as well as Pap’s. It’d mean so much to us if you two could be friends. Or at least, not enemies.”

But Sans shrugged unabashedly at her scolding.

“not happening, frisk,” his tone was firm, completely unwilling to yield to Frisk’s plea. “i may not remember what the weed did, exactly, but i can guess. i’m a pretty good judge of character, after all.”

Frisk gave him a helpless smile, lightly shaking her head in resignation.

“I know, Sans. You’re no fool, no matter what anyone says.”

Sans’s expression softened, and he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking fully at ease once more. I stared curiously at the two of them, wondering what deeper meaning hid behind their words. I was clearly missing something here, some important context, but had no idea what it could be.

Clearing his non-existent throat, Sans gazed very deliberately at the vibrant flowers blooming across the garden.

“beautiful place ya got here. i can tell you worked really hard, takin’ care of these flowers,” he remarked with forced casualness. Frisk smiled happily at his compliment.

“Thanks! You’re right, it was a lot of work, but the results are more than worth all that effort,” she looked out at her garden, looking proud and satisfied. “Though I couldn’t have done it without Gorey. His tips and advice were so helpful! The guy really is an expert when it comes to flowers.”

“yep, old king fluffybuns has goat quite the green thumb,” he joked, and his smile widened at Frisk’s responding giggle.

Once her laughter had subsided though, Frisk stared at Sans for a bit, seeming to mull something over in her mind, before she bit her lip, looking uncharacteristically hesitant.

“Sans... tell me honestly... how are you doing? Are the nightmares still troubling you?” she asked him softly, concern lacing her voice.

Nightmares? My ears perked up in interest. Does Sans suffer from nightmares? Poor guy ... My heart clenched in sympathy. Sans let out a deep sigh, and plopped himself down on the ground, leaning back on outstretched arms. Frisk joined him on the floor, sitting close to him, as she gazed at him worriedly.

“they’re... not as bad as they used to be. it’s getting a lot easier to sleep through the night,” Sans confessed, his voice low and serious, his smile flatter than I thought it could get. “i’m sure they’ll go away for good, once i finally manage to fix the machine. just wish it weren’t takin’ so long. after all these years, i’ve still barely made any progress.”

He sounded incredibly frustrated, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists into the soft earth beneath his phalanges. Frisk scooted closer to him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. My eyes were fixed on them, as I listened intently to their discussion. What machine is he talking about?

“Isn’t it about time you asked someone for help?” Frisk pleaded gently, her brow furrowed. “Alphys is the current royal scientist, after all, and she knows a great deal about machines. And Papyrus is far from stupid, you know that, and this concerns him too, I’m sure-”

“ no ,” Sans’s rebuff was firm, as he shook his skull, his expression hard and unyielding as stone. I narrowed my eyes. This concerns Papyrus? Does he know? “this is my problem to fix, and mine alone. i won’t involve anyone else. especially not papyrus. his life is finally going great. i refuse to ruin that for him, and burden him with my problems.”

Frisk’s lips thinned as she frowned at him, disapproval shining in her eyes. She clearly wanted to argue with him, but she seemingly chose to hold her tongue on the matter, as she eventually looked away and sighed in resignation. I was less willing to let it go, however, not if this concerned Papyrus. Sans was clearly hiding something from his brother, and I was determined to find out what.

Not wanting them to spot me eavesdropping, regardless of the fact that I was currently a dog, and thus would likely be above suspicion, I snuck into a nearby patch of golden flowers, as stealthily as possible. For the very first time since this entire ordeal began, I was grateful to be a chihuahua, as my diminutive size allowed me to easily hide amongst the taller flowers. I felt pretty confident that the other two wouldn’t be able to see me here. Unfortunately, I was so small that I couldn’t see them , either. At least I could still hear them just fine.

“you sure no one will be able to stumble upon the machine by accident?” Sans’s deep voice drifted into my ears, and Frisk’s reply came a moment later.

“Positive. The basement door stays locked at all times, and you have the only key. No one can go in there except you, not even me, or Flowey. Not that he wants to go down there, anyway. He wants nothing to do with that machine.”

“good. i don’t want anyone messin’ with dad’s machine, ‘specially not the weed.”

My eyes widened. Their “dad’s machine”? This involved Sans and Papyrus’s father ? How could Sans keep something like this from his brother?! My ears were fully alert, standing up straight and facing towards the two voices, as I tried to focus all of my attention on their enlightening conversation. Just then, a small, white butterfly drifted into view. Against my will, my eyes were instantly glued to the fluttering creature.

Many cultures associated butterflies with the souls of the deceased, so I always made sure to be extra respectful to any who crossed my path. Which was why, no matter how much the dog in me wanted to chase after those rapidly beating wings, I forced myself to stay still. It took every ounce of my willpower, but I refused to budge. The white butterfly flew to one of the flowers, and landed on a bright, golden petal. I heard Frisk sigh.

“It’s over, Sans. For good this time. I’m sure of it. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to hide anymore. You don’t have to be alone anymore. What good is a happy ending, if you’re too stuck in the past to enjoy it? It’s okay to have hopes and dreams again. No one will take those away from you. I won’t let them. I promise. And I don’t make promises lightly, either.”

There was a long pause. I really wished I could tell what expression Sans was making. The white butterfly took to the air again, fluttering around for a bit, before landing on a different golden flower. I heard movement from the other two, the rustling of clothing. And then, faintly, I heard a voice, Sans’s, though I couldn’t make out what he was saying, muffled as it was. Frisk’s voice was much clearer, filled with determination and conviction.

“Whoever or whatever force had control of the timeline before... they’re gone . I can feel it. The power to Reset everything, all that we’ve done, all that we’ve achieved... it’s mine now. And you know that I’d never use it. I promise . So you don’t have to worry anymore, Sans. Trust me. It’s over . The anomalies are gone, and everybody is happy. And I’ll make sure we all stay that way. Please, believe me... We’re free .”

“heh... i know... i know... i... i trust you, frisk... more than anyone,” Sans’s voice sounded a little wobbly, and thick with emotion. Another rustle of clothing. “... i dunno what i’d do without ya, frisk. you’re the only person i can really talk to, the only one who knows about... everything . all that time, underground, i had to keep it all to myself, all this terrible knowledge. it was unbearable , frisk. and even here on the surface, i just can’t -...” A deep sigh. More movement. “some days i feel like you’re the only thing keepin’ me sane...”

And then silence. The white butterfly took off, flying higher and higher, until it eventually vanished into the sky. I stayed still, rooted to the spot. My mind was whirring, a maelstrom of chaotic thoughts, as I tried to process everything I’d just heard. So much of it made no sense to me. I didn’t know what to think, honestly, it was all a little too much for me right then. I’d need some time to go over everything, and figure out what I was going to do about this. And I was going to do something. I refused to let this matter lie. Papyrus deserved better.

After a while, Frisk eventually spoke up, her voice reassuring and compassionate.

“You know that I’m always here for you, whenever you need me. You’re not alone, Sans. Remember that.”

“heh, i will. you’ve always been with me, even in the dark. like a light, shining in my soul. i won’t forget, frisk. i promise .”

There was an odd weight to his words, yet another hidden meaning which was lost on me. I heard more movement.

“welp, this’s been fun, but i’d better get goin’ now. pap’s waiting for us at home, anxious for his new pal to help him prepare dinner, and i don’t wanna let him down. stars know i do enough of that as it is.”

“Sans! Stop talking like that! You don’t let him down, he’s just worried about you! And for good reason, honestly. I worry about you, too.”

“i know, i know. i’m sorry, frisky. i really am. i’m gettin’ better, though. i’m really trying nowadays. and it’s all thanks to you. i owe you... so much ... too much, honestly. i dunno how i’ll ever be able to repay you for everything you’ve done.”

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of a few ways,” a giggle, flirtatious and full of innuendo. I heard Sans let out a nervous laugh. Frisk continued, voice light and airy. “Now off with you, before Papy starts calling me, asking me where you two are, and I tell him all about the unspeakable things you and I get up to when he’s not around.”

“please don’t put any weird ideas into my bro’s skull. i’m the one who lives with him, ya know,” Sans sound mildly exasperated, though I could detect a hint of amusement in his tone. Then his voice raised, as he called out, “c’mere, girl! time to go!”

With a jolt, I realised he was calling for me. I dashed out of the flower patch and towards his voice. He and Frisk were standing up, looking around, presumably for me. When Sans spotted me, he sagged a little in relief.

“there you are, buddy. i was worried i mighta lost ya. pap would never have forgiven me if i didn’t bring you home, safe and sound.”

He bent down to scoop me up into his arms, and I yipped at him in reassurance that I was fine. Frisk smiled warmly at the both of us.

“Before you go, could you wait here a second? I have a little something for you to take home.”

Without waiting for a reply, she ran off, back into her house, returning shortly with a large pie in her hands. It smelled heavenly, my tail wagging and my mouth watering, as the sweet scent of butterscotch and cinnamon wafted into my nose.

“I baked this earlier, hoping to give it to you at some point, so now’s the perfect time,” she offered it out to Sans, who shifted me to one arm, while the other took the butterscotch-cinnamon pie. “I’m quite proud of how this one turned out, if I do say so myself. Tori really is an excellent teacher.”

Sans gave her an appreciative smile.

“nah, you’re the one who’s a good student. you’ve always been a fast learner, heh.”

Frisk shook her head in denial, looking sheepish.

“Oh no, I’m really not. I just had a lot of practice.”

Sans winced, for some reason.

“uh... sorry, frisk. which i’d been more help to you, back then. i really should’ve been a better friend to you.”

Sans sounded genuinely apologetic, but Frisk merely rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face.

“You were a great friend, Sans, and the emotional support you gave me meant more to me than I can say. Even if you did blow it in the restaurant, and in the Last Corridor.”

She stuck her tongue out at him cheekily, and Sans looked embarrassed, at a loss for what to say to that.

“eh heh heh... ahem . welp, we’re off! it was nice seein’ ya, frisky. bye!” he said hastily, before backing away.

As Frisk waved us off with a radiant smile, I noticed a butterfly with deep, crimson wings land on her shoulder, just as the entire world blinked out of existence. A moment later, it came back, but Sans and I were no longer in Frisk’s garden, but were instead standing in the middle of his living room. I knew he could teleport! I was fairly buzzing with excitement at this discovery, and Sans quickly let me down.

Just then, Papyrus poked his skull into the room, probably alerted by my high-pitched barking. His face lit up once he saw us, and with an exclamation of delight, he rushed towards us, arms outstretched for me to jump into, which I wasted no time in doing. Those familiar arms wrapped around me, along with his comforting scent, and I felt at home.

“YOU’RE FINALLY BACK!! I MISSED YOU!! SO MUCH!!”

I snuggled closer to him, woofing contentedly, feeling at peace. Papyrus let out a pleased “NYEH HEH HEH”, before turning to Sans with a deep frown.

“SANS! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! YOU LEFT AGES AGO!!”

Sans looked entirely unapologetic as he smiled, and I sensed a bad pun coming.

“heh, sorry bro. frisk really wanted to ketchup with me,” he held up a bottle of ketchup, grin wide and mischievous, his eyelights brightening in gleeful anticipation of his brother’s reaction. And Papyrus did not disappoint him.

“NYEEEEH!!! SANS!!!”

Deep, rumbling laughter filled the room, while Papyrus fumed, the arms holding me trembling slightly, though not enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Papyrus eventually calmed down, and turned away from his brother with a huff.

“HMPH!! I’M OFF TO PREPARE DINNER NOW! WITHOUT YOU! AND YOUR TERRIBLE PUNS!!” he then glanced down at me, his expression brightening considerably. “AT LEAST YOU’RE HERE, LITTLE LADY. I’M GLAD I HAVE SUCH A GREAT HELPER WITH ME!”

I am the best helper! I agreed. Papyrus had been nothing but kind to me since the moment we met, helping me when I was at my very lowest, and I wanted to do all I could to repay his kindness, and help him in return. And I knew exactly how I would help him.

Today had been full of surprising revelations, and I’d learnt that, for all that Papyrus was the brightest ray of sunshine imaginable, he was being kept in the dark about a lot of things. His own brother was keeping secrets from him; deep, dark secrets which clearly tormented him, but which he refused to share with anyone save Frisk, despite some of them concerning his own family, namely their father (whom I’d yet to see, or even hear about).

As a witch, I knew very well the necessity of keeping some things secret, but not from one’s own family! All young witches learned their family’s craft at their mother’s knee, and I was the same. My mother had taught me everything I knew about magic, until it was time for me to set out into the world, and seek out knowledge on my own. I couldn’t imagine keeping any secrets from her, and I had complete faith that she would share with me all that she knew, when I was ready. We would never hide anything from each other. Surely all families were the same, right? I’d always thought so, at least...

Beyond that, it also greatly troubled me that I, too, was hiding something important from Papyrus, namely the fact that I wasn’t, in fact, a dog, but a human, and a witch to boot. But no matter how much I wanted to reveal this to him, I wasn’t sure how. I couldn’t talk to him in a language he could understand, and I lacked the opposable thumbs required to write out the truth. I genuinely had no clue how I could convey to him my real form. All I could do, was to break my spell as quickly as possible, and tell him everything once I was human again. Hopefully, he would understand and forgive me. Until then, I’d just have to be the very best friend I could be to him.

Also, I was pretty sure his dog was actually some manner of eldritch abomination. I had no idea why it had crossed into our world, nor why it chose to take the form of a small dog, but I assumed that, like most cosmic entities, it was out of simple curiosity. Extramundane beings tended to get bored very easily, and sought out entertainment in some pretty bizarre places, after all. This one seemed harmless enough, and Papyrus was clearly attached to it, despite how annoying it was, so I thought it best to leave things as they were, and not interfere unless necessary. It would probably be fine.

But as for the rest, I vowed that once I was human again, I would make it up to Papyrus for deceiving him like I was, despite having no other alternative. And I would find a way to convince Sans to tell his brother all of the truths that he’d been hiding for so long. Even if that meant resorting to witchcraft. No matter what it took, I would make sure that there were no more secrets.

~~~

They say that time flies when you’re having fun, and I must have been having an incredible amount of it, given how quickly the following days passed by. I wasn’t sure how long I spent, exactly, as a dog, living with the skeleton brothers, but it felt like a lifetime. Every day was an adventure, and there was never a dull moment with those two, and all of their friends. And, speaking of, I soon got to meet all of them. And what an interesting bunch they were.

Frisk came by to hang out several times (and she even brought back my Cool Flame Ball, which I’d forgotten that first time! What an angel!), and had cemented her position as a true friend, one whom I was very grateful to have in my life. She really was a good person, who deserved nothing but good things. Flowey less so. I could’ve done without him joining Frisk everywhere she went, but the woman was adamant on not leaving Flowey alone, all by himself. In my opinion, he didn’t seem like the type to get lonely, but I guess appearances can be deceiving. Regardless, any friend of Papyrus and Frisk’s was a friend of mine. Even if Flowey was creepy at times.

One of Papyrus’s best friends, Undyne, was another frequent visitor, with her girlfriend, Alphys, tagging along with her on occasion. I was wary of the former, given how she’d tried to suplex me upon our first meeting, though, thankfully, Papyrus had intervened and rugby tackled her to the floor before I could get hurt. She’d retaliated by raining spears down upon him, all of which he’d managed to dodge or deflect with his own bone attacks. To say I was impressed would be an understatement. From then on, I made sure to keep a safe distance from the scary fish monster at all times. Her girlfriend was much safer to be around, and Alphys had also introduced me to the wonders of anime! Papyrus didn’t seem too fond of them, much as he tried to fake interest in the subject, but I was utterly entranced by the amazing imagination and imagery on display. Many shows felt out of this world and more into, well, mine . It made me a little homesick at times, honestly.

King Asgore and Queen Toriel were as friendly and welcoming as I’d heard, although the queen could be quite intimidating at times. She had the kind of glare that would make even unruly little children sit quietly and obey, which was perfect for a teacher. By contrast, Asgore Dreemurr was never without a jovial smile, and was always ready with an offer of tea. His golden flower tea had instantly become my new favourite drink, and I couldn’t wait to start growing some golden flowers in my garden, to brew the tea for myself, whenever I had to spend long hours concocting complex elixirs, or poring over ancient, musty tomes. One thing I'd noticed, was how nurturing and protective the two boss monsters were towards children. It made me wonder why the two of them never had any kids of their own. They seemed like they would make good parents, but I guess they thought differently.

Papyrus had snuck me into his workplace one time, when nobody else had been able to look after me. He’d introduced me to his fellow chefs, who’d all chipped in to keep me hidden from their boss. I had a sneaking suspicion that the head chef was fully aware of what was going on, the whole time, but chose to turn a blind eye to my presence, probably out of fondness for Papyrus, given how popular he was amongst all of his coworkers. Everyone kept sneaking me scraps from all of their dishes, whenever they thought no one was looking, and by the end of Papyrus’s shift, I was full to bursting from all of the scrumptious food I’d been given. That was a good day.

Moreover, from what I gathered from passing conversations, and a few comments here and there, it seemed like Papyrus hadn’t always been the culinary expert he was today. Quite the opposite, in fact (which had apparently been as much of a shock to Papyrus to learn, as it was to me). But the head chef had been so impressed by his enthusiasm and dedication, that he’d hired Papyrus as a simple kitchen porter, thus allowing him to learn the ropes from the other chefs, and Papyrus had worked exceptionally hard, quickly proving himself and rising through the ranks, eventually becoming the restaurant’s sous chef, and second-in-command in the kitchen. Papyrus never ceased to amaze and inspire me. It made me more determined than ever to hone my own skills and master my magic, and one day become the kind of talented witch I’d always dreamed of being.

And then of course, there was Sans. Despite living with the guy, he still remained mostly a mystery to me. One moment he seemed, for all the world, like little more than a prankster and comedian, with his clever wit and his fondness for bad jokes and worse puns, and even a dog like me hadn’t been safe from the dreaded whoopee cushion prank. But then another, he’d be empty eye sockets, and emptier smiles, too little said in too many words, and I’d realise that I really knew very little about him. Did anyone know the real him? Did Papyrus? Did Frisk?...

But no matter how much I’d come to care for and appreciate all of these wonderful new friends I’d made, no one could hold a candle to Papyrus.

~~~

The Great Papyrus had come into my life at one of its lowest points, when I was at my most desperate, and had given me hope and friendship and spaghetti. He’d been my hero when I’d needed one the most, and I would forever be grateful to him for all that he’d done for me. I’d never met anyone as kind or as brave as him, and I doubted I ever would. He was special, one-of-a-kind, and truly unforgettable. With bright smiles, encouraging words, gentle hands, and warm hugs, his presence had steadily grown in my heart, until he’d taken over completely and claimed it as his own.

And as I lay on his sternum, the both of us relaxing on his bed, while his skeletal hands trailed over my head and down my back, I thought to myself that I really loved this man. And that thought did not surprise me in the slightest. When had my feelings for him grown this strong? When did I realise their existence? Was there a point in time, or had they been there since that first, fateful meeting? Had I always known? I had no answers. All I knew was that I loved Papyrus, with all my heart and soul.

And so, with that knowledge in mind, I leaned forward, towards that brilliant smile I loved so much, and pressed my soft, fluffy lips to his left zygomatic bone. I had just enough time to feel cool, hard bone beneath my lips, before-

* poof *

I was engulfed in smoke. Once my vision cleared, I felt... different. I saw out of the corner of my eyes, human hands. Very familiar human hands. Those are MY hands! I realised with a start. And those are my arms! I noticed, looking further down. I brought my hands up to feel my face. Soft, smooth skin over warm flesh greeted my searching fingers.

I was human again.

A strangled noise from in front of me caught my attention, and I looked up. Papyrus’s shocked face was staring at me, his eyes seeming to bulge out of his sockets. Oh, right. Shit.

“Uh... I can explain...?” my voice came out hesitantly, and my heart skipped a beat as I heard my own voice again, for the first time in what felt like forever .

Papyrus stared at me, stunned, for a few more, tense seconds, before his gaze drifted lower. His eye sockets widened even further (which I honestly hadn’t thought was possible), and colour bloomed all across his skull. With a strangled yelp, he turned his skull away from me, removing his hands from my back to cover his eye sockets.

“W-WOWIE...” his normally loud voice was barely above a whisper.

Huh? I looked down. Oh. Oh fuck .

Given how long it’d been since I’d botched my spell, I’d completely forgotten that my clothes hadn’t transformed along with my body. I was currently laying on top of Papyrus, stark naked, and I’d just given the man I loved an eyeful of my very bare tits. Fuck.

With a scream, I drew back, and away from Papyrus, towards the edge of his bed, as I hastily covered my breasts with my arms, bringing my knees up to hide my nether region as best as I could. I was beyond mortified. I’d had more than my fair share of embarrassing moments throughout my life, given how often I’d screwed up a spell, but this... this topped them all. Easily. This was the worst moment of my entire life.

My vision began to swim, as tears gathered in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, wishing to block out the world, wishing desperately that none of this was real, that it would all fade away when I opened my eyes again. I felt a tear start to fall down my face, when a familiar phalange wiped it away. A bony hand cradled my cheek.

“PLEASE... DON’T CRY... WHATEVER IS MAKING YOU SAD... WOULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT? SO THAT I CAN TELL IT TO STOP MAKING YOU SAD?”

I opened my eyes, and was greeted by Papyrus’s concerned expression. I sniffed, and clumsily wiped my teary eyes with my shoulder, taking care to keep my chest covered. With halting words, I finally told Papyrus the truth of my situation, which I’d been longing to reveal to him all this time. Throughout my explanation, Papyrus didn’t interrupt me once, except to make sympathetic or surprised noises at several points in my tale. When I was done, I gave him a pleading look.

“Papyrus, I know that this all sounds crazy, and you probably don’t believe me-”

“OF COURSE I BELIEVE YOU!!” he interrupted me, and I sucked in a surprised breath. He gave me a wide, toothy smile, with not even a hint of doubt in his gaze. “WHY SHOULD I NOT? YOU ARE MY FRIEND! WHETHER YOU’RE A DOG, OR A HUMAN, YOU ARE STILL YOU! AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY VERY GOOD FRIEND! AND A VERY GREAT PERSON!! NYEH HEH HEH!!”

I beamed at him, feeling my eyes tear up again, though for a completely different reason this time. Papyrus then looked directly into my eyes, looking faintly bashful, for some reason. He was blushing again, though nowhere near as brightly as before.

“BESIDES... YOU HAVE THE SAME BEAUTIFUL EYES AS WHEN YOU WERE A DOG.”

Oh. Oh my. My face felt hot, as I looked away, though I couldn’t contain my happy smile. My chest felt warm, my heart beating hard, as my stomach fluttered. A genuine compliment! How was I supposed to react to that?!

“Th-thank you, Pap...” I mumbled. His smile brightened.

I tried to pull myself together enough to have a proper conversation with him, something I’d been dying to do since we’d met. I was finally human again and could actually talk to him! I couldn’t mess this up, just because of a little (well, okay, a lot of) embarrassment!

“I’ve been wanting to meet you properly this whole time, actually. There’s so much I want to tell you! So much I want to do with you! Oh, I can hardly wait! I, uh... just need to find some clothes, first...” I trailed off, feeling shy once more.

“OH! RIGHT! CLOTHES!” Papyrus exclaimed, as if he’d forgotten that I was completely naked. I wasn’t sure how I should feel about that... “PLEASE, FRIEND! TAKE MY SHIRT!! I’LL GET YOU SOMETHING BETTER LATER!”

Before I could protest, he lifted the t-shirt he was currently wearing up, and over his skull, and then handed it out to me. His skull was facing purposely away from me, his other hand covering his eye sockets for good measure. My heart warmed at his consideration. My face burned at the sight of his bare torso, however, his rib cage on full display. I’d never found bones attractive before, but I found his oddly alluring. Must be because they were his body, and everything about him was irresistible to me.

With no small amount of effort, I tore my eyes away from his ribs, and the teasing glimpse of his iliac crest, peaking out of the top of his long shorts. I quickly donned his shirt, feeling much better now that I had some actual clothing on, even if it was just a t-shirt. Since Papyrus was so tall, with such broad shoulders, his shirt fell to the middle of my thighs, covering up all of my private parts, although it was so wide, it left one of my shoulders bare, and dipped dangerously low. I cleared my throat.

“I’m done. You can look now, Pap,” I called to him. He lifted his hand slightly, peaking at me to make sure that I was decent, before fully uncovering his eye sockets and turning to face me properly. I gave him my brightest smile, “And thank you, Papyrus. Not just for the shirt, but for, well, everything . I... I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You really are my hero, you know? You saved me, took me in, cared for me, introduced me to all of your friends and family, did your very best to make sure that I was always happy, and now... You broke my spell. Gave me my true form back. I couldn’t have done it without you. So, thank you .”

Papyrus gave me an oddly intense, thoughtful look.

“I BROKE YOUR SPELL? THE ONE WHICH NEEDED TRUE LOVE’S KISS TO BREAK?? DOES THAT MEAN THAT... I AM YOUR TRUE LOVE?!?”

I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart pounding in my chest, and my face heating up again. I gripped the edges of his shirt tightly.

“W-Well, m-maybe? I-I mean, it was just a hypothesis, really, I wasn’t sure how exactly the spell worked, given how badly I’d messed it up, so who knows what kind of love was required to break it...”

As I babbled to him, Papyrus’s face slowly fell, noticeable disappointment in his expression the more I seemed to refute his last statement. I bit my lip. He was right. He was my true love. And I shouldn’t deny it, not to him. He was always brave, always confident. I wanted to be more like him. Which meant that I needed to put all of my heart and soul into my words, and confess my true feelings to him, regardless of the consequences! I sucked in a deep breath, and steeled my nerves.

“No, you’re right, Papyrus. You are my true love. I’m sure of it. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I... I love you. Romantically. In case that wasn’t clear.”

I held my breath, as I awaited his response. Papyrus gazed at me with wide eye sockets. Little flecks of light shimmered in their depths, growing brighter and brighter the longer I looked. A blush soon spread across his cheek bones, as his smile widened.

“WOWIE... YOU LOVE ME... YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME...! ROMANTIC FEELINGS! FOR ME!! WOWIE!!!” his voice got louder and more excited as he spoke. He looked downright giddy. Hope blossomed in my chest. “I-I’M STILL NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE, SINCE I’VE ONLY KNOWN YOU AS MY VERY COOL DOG UP TIL NOW... BUT! THE MORE I TALK WITH YOU! AND THE MORE I LOOK INTO YOUR VERY PRETTY EYES! THE MORE MY SOUL FEELS... WARM. YOU MAKE MY SOUL GLOW. IF I SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU... WILL THOSE FEELINGS GROW?? I WANT TO FIND OUT.”

I gulped, feeling a little light-headed from Papyrus’s own confession. That was... better than I’d dared hope for. It wasn’t a rejection, and he seemed to feel something for me. Something that made his soul glow . And from the spark of white I could faintly see, shining within his rib cage, that wasn’t merely an expression. His soul appeared to be literally glowing. Oh wow. That was... Wow...

Papyrus leaned in towards me. There was something a little... seductive in his expression. Which wasn’t good for my poor heart.

“AND THE BEST WAY TO FIND OUT... IS WITH A KISS... RIGHT?” my heart skipped a beat. Yep, really not good for my heart. “IF I KISS YOU... I’M SURE I’LL FIND OUT JUST HOW... ROMANTIC MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE. YOU KISSED ME, AND YOUR SPELL BROKE. SO THAT MEANS THAT I’M YOUR... TRUE LOVE ... IF I KISS YOU, THEN I’LL BE ABLE TO FIND OUT IF YOU’RE MY TRUE LOVE AS WELL. RIGHT? RIGHT! NYEH HEH HEH... I’M A GENIUS.”

I could barely hear him over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. All I could do was nod, my breathing getting heavier. He leaned forward a little more, and I unconsciously leaned back.

“AND BESIDES... YOU ONLY KISSED MY CHEEK BONE! AS A DOG! THAT WASN’T A PROPER KISS! AND YOU DESERVE A PROPER KISS! DON’T YOU? MY GOOD GIRL...”

Ah fuck. I would never be able to resist this guy, would I? His dating power was just too strong for me.

“SO... WILL YOU LET ME KISS YOU? PLEASE??”

I nodded breathlessly, feeling hot all over. But Papyrus waited, not seeming satisfied with just a nod. Did he want to hear me say it? Oh boy... I wet my suddenly dry lips, taking note of how his gaze followed the movement, brightly burning eyelights shooting to my tongue, and then staying fixed on my lips. I gulped.

“O-Okay... Sure. I... I want to k-kiss you, as well. That last one... really didn’t count as a proper kiss. True love’s kiss should be more... well, more . So... please, kiss me properly, Papyrus.”

His gaze grew heated at my whispered words. He looked feverishly into my eyes, desire sparking in his eye sockets, specks of light burning fiercely within their depths, like miniature stars. He leaned further towards me, and I leaned further back in response. Until my back hit the mattress. Papyrus loomed above me, his arms coming up to the sides of my head. I could see his soul glowing brighter, now fully visible as an upside-down white heart, pulsing slightly. His skull came closer and closer, and I closed my eyes, eagerly anticipating my long-awaited kiss.

It was at that moment, that the door swung open and Sans walked in.

“hey bro, you seen my-”

The shorter skeleton came to an abrupt halt, as he took in the scene of a shirtless Papyrus leaning over me, as I’m wearing nothing but his brother’s shirt (and a dog collar, couldn’t forget that ), the both of us laying on his bed. Sans’s eye sockets went black, sweat beading on his brow as a bright blush lit up his entire skull.

“woops, sorry for bargin’ in, i see you’re busy there, don’t mind me.”

He quickly back-pedalled, slamming the door behind him. As my mind descended into chaos, only one coherent thought managed to drift to the surface.

I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer for that kiss.

___________________________________________

This has been one heck of a wild ride. I've had so much fun writing this, and I've grown really attached to all these characters (or rather, my interpretations of them). I might return to this world in the future, and write a bit more about Witch Reader and Paps, but for now, I'm really satisfied with things as they are. Besides, the backlash to my Frans shipping has reignited my passion for Frans, so I want to go back to writing for my OTP for a bit, and bask in the warm fuzzies I get from them. The best way to combat hate is with love! And I have a lot of love in my heart for these two. They make me happy and I deserve to be happy, same as everyone else.

This is the second multi-chaptered fic I've ever completed (the rest are still WIPs atm), so I'm super proud of this achievement. Whatever anyone else thinks about it, I'm happy with it. It turned out way longer than I could ever have anticipated, but that's just how the story went. The scenes ended when they needed to, not when I wanted them to, and that happened to be later than I expected. It really shows how little control I (and most writers, apparently) have over my own works. I decide what happens to these characters, so you'd think I'd be their god, but in reality, I'm actually their bitch.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my entire fic. I hope you enjoyed it at least half as much as I did. Now, I'm off to take my long-awaited break from writing, and catch up on all the things I've had to put off to focus on my WIPs. Au revoir!

#JMB writes #papyrus x reader #papyrus #witch reader #papyrus my beloved #minor frans #minor sans x frisk #flowey #he's an asshole and I love him #less papyrus in this last part #but what papyrus you do get is... a little spicy #nothing too serious though #sorry?#this version of sans is the most canon compliant one I've written yet #meaning he doesn't remember resets #but he still angsty sad boi

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courtofwingsandruin · 4 years ago

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Does anyone else ever think how we know that originally, Lucien and Nesta were supposed to end up together, not Cassian and Nesta? And how that means that this bond between Lucien and Elain probably was a very sudden idea SJM had when writing ACOMAF out?

She decided to change it because this relationship wouldn’t work. I’m not gonna lie that this is slightly perplexing to me. Lucien, especially ACOTAR-era Lucien, probably could’ve gotten along with Nesta quite well. I know SJM knows her characters better than us, but I just can’t see why they wouldn’t work, y’know?

And now, with the whole 3 brothers/3 sisters thing...I’m wondering if that’s part of the reason why. If SJM realized she wanted Lucien to have some connection to one of the three (a mating bond, rather than a romantic relationship), but doesn’t get with them. Because in the end, she had these two Bat Bois sitting right here who would work with them just as well, if not better, than Lucien could with either of them—and it would give her a future story to tell with the three brothers/three sisters and Koschei storyline.

I feel this can be reinforced by the fact that SJM has been planning Elain’s specifically but also Nesta’s story since ACOMAF. She made a lot of decisions while writing ACOMAF and began preparing things for the future books she wanted to write. Choosing not to have Nesta and Lucien get together, instead the tension between Cassian and Nesta the moment they meet. The way Elain and Azriel seem to click and focus on each other the moment they meet, too (if you reread that first meeting I promise you’ll see it. Elain specifically looks to Azriel, not her newly-fae sister, not the High Lord, not the much louder Illyrian right next to Az—not even Nesta. She looks to Azriel every single time when she was unsure, and he’s constantly reassuring her that she’s good to speak up and try). I don’t think that was a coincidence.

Not to mention that if she was planning for Elain and Lucien to be together, she would’ve most definitely given them at least one romantic coded moment together. The closest thing I’ve seen is when Lucien is leaving once and Elain nearly steps down the stairs to say something to him but he’s already gone. And honestly, I blame that completely on the bond. We know they can feel each other’s emotions, Rhys and Feyre can feel each other’s even with their mental shields up (or are supposed to be able to at least)—and we see that Lucien had “longing and sadness” in his eyes just before he disappeared there, which was when Elain almost stepped down. Then Lucien had winnowed away, and she walked away without any other care (likely because the farther away he was the less strong the pull of the mating bond, so she couldn’t feel him as strongly then). This is chapter 34 of ACOWAR. This is the only scene we see that seems like it has slight potential of Elucien in canon.

However, we have many, many scenes to support Elain and Azriel. Their friendship started in ACOMAF, was seen throughout ACOWAR, throughout ACOFAS, and even though we don’t see them even in the same room together but three or so times in ACOSF, there is some kind of tension between them every time (Azriel’s clear protectiveness of Elain when his shadows gathered in the corners to strike, the clear liking of each other when Elain looked away from Azriel’s smile, Nesta noticing a charged look going between them). As well as the many scenes where Azriel and usually Cassian discuss Elain and Azriel’s protectiveness comes back up. As a disclaimer, I don’t like that Azriel is also supporting not allowing Elain to go on these missions and try to prove herself. But every single other couple in the books is protective of each other. Cassian didn’t want Nesta to even let go of his hand to get the harp. Rhys had multiple occasions where he was angry and protective over Feyre doing something dangerous—when instead of going to the townhouse she fought in the streets of Velaris, when she went to find the Suriel during the war. Saying “oh but they’re mates” ignores the fact that it’s said most all males are possessive and protective like this in their world, regardless if it’s a mating bond or family or love. And it also ignores the very plausible theory of Azriel being Elain’s second and/or true mate. I won’t get into that right now though.

And then, of course, the bonus chapter proved that Elain and Azriel’s feeling definitely are not just platonic, and they both have a lot going on behind the scenes. I won’t get into the chapter much because I have plenty of other posts on my blog where I or someone else dissected and discussed it. But they definitely have both romantic and sexual interest in each other.

I truly, truly don’t see why SJM would set that up over the course of three novels and one novella to suddenly not put them together. Especially knowing that she’s said she doesn’t like couples that were built up over long periods of time (4 books is a very long time) and then don’t end up together. I don’t think she introduced Gwyn to be a romantic interest—I do think she included Gwyn in his extra chapter to confuse us and cause panic and chaos, sure, SJM is like that, remember when we first met Emerie? And then Emerie turned out to have no connection to Cassian other than him being her mentor/trainer and she being Nesta’s friend? I don’t think Gwyn will have any actual potential as a romantic partner. This also parallels Cassian and Nesta’s story—with them both mentioning another girl pre-getting together and (likely) nothing actually comes of it. She does parallel things a lot, and I don’t think she did this on accident.

To round this out, I’d like to bring us back to Lucien and Nesta. If she originally had them together, I think there can definitely be an implication there that she had considered them working some. And Cassian and ACOTAR-era Lucien are similar, as well as...well, Nesta and Vassa. The firebird and the silver flames. A human Queen and the Queen of Queens. Vassa has shown a great backbone, will openly bicker with people (we hear about her and Jurian fighting a lot), she’s just this woman who seems like she could be similar enough to Nesta to warrant the idea that Nesta/Lucien could’ve possibly worked if Nesta was a little more like Vassa or Lucien was a little more like Cassian.

I also want to clarify that I’m not against the Elain and Lucien ship, nor am I against Gwyn and Azriel. I actually ship Elain and Lucien—just not as much as I ship Elain and Azriel, because I’m 99.9% certain that Elriel will be endgame (always leave room for error). And once the next book is out and this whole mess has cleared up, I could definitely get behind Gwyn and Azriel as a non-canon sorta-crack ship. I read about pairings that completely disregard canon all the time (Feycien is hardcore slept on). But I can’t find myself supporting Gwyn and Azriel right now, not while this ship war is happening, because I feel right now is the time to actually look at canon and focus on what’s obviously there—not what, to me, is more of just a fun little ship that could work in theory and fanfics and that’s about it.

And that’s all. End rant. I’m so sorry if you actually read all this. This stuff has been on loop in my head for days and I had to word vomit again.

#acotar #acosf #a court of silver flames #elain archeron #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #elriel #acomaf #acowar #pro elriel #i’m not tagging this as anti anything bc i’m not anti any of the ships #the other ships are cute! i like it theory! not seeing it in canon #vassa x lucien #it’s not really about them but i am supporting it some in this?#and it seems like the only safe ship other than elriel to mention?#i don’t want to make anyone mad by tagging this wrong

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harrytpotter · 4 years ago

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RIGHT PLACE, WRONG TIME — Part V

Plot: Y/N finds herself trapped in a time in which she doesn’t belong only to learn that maybe that was her place all along.

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mild cursing.

A/N: First, sorry for the delay in posting this! I had some personal things going on and didn’t have the time to stop and write. Also, this chapter is a little shorter than usual because it’s mostly a filling-in one! Thanks everyone for your thoughts about this imagine so far, hope you guys enjoy this chapter! ;)

Once you arrived for transfiguration, the class had already started. As you entered the room, McGonagall glared severely at you. You mutter a quiet apology as you start walking to your usual sit next to Lily. However, before you could approach the redhead, a paper ball hits you in the head. Turning on your heels with a fulminant look on your face, you’re met by Amos’ amused smile. As you frown confused, he pointed to the seat next to him.

“Did you really have to hit me in the head with a paper ball?” You roll your eyes at him, whispering as you sat down.

“Well, I figured that it’s only fair that we spend more time together since we’ve been seeing each other,” he grinned playfully, mimicking double quotes with his fingers.

“You’re such a delight, Diggory,” you roll your eyes at him again, this time with a grin on your face.

You diverge your attention from him when your eyes land on Lily, who looked at you quite seriously. She didn’t say anything but you could hear her ‘what the hell?!’ loud and clear inside your head. Lily then motioned in James’ direction. Once you looked at him, you felt your stomach sink. He was staring at you and Amos with a sad expression, the hurt so clear in his eyes. You lower your head, awfully aware of the disappointed glances you were getting from all of your best friends, who rightfully stood by James’ side.

“Why don’t you just tell him the truth?” Amos says after studying your face for a while.

“Amos, please, we’ve been over this already,” you bury your face into your hands.

“Have we? Seriously, Y/N, I think you’re making a terrible mistake here. You fancy each other, besides it’s clearly bloody killing you to see him hurt like that,” he frowns worriedly.

“Why are you so worried about my wellbeing or James’ for that matter? It’s not like you and I have been friends forever,” you say a little harshly, trying to change the subject. “Sorry, I’m just... so bloody frustrated.”

“That’s okay, really. But to answer your question, I’m a sucker myself for a good love story,” he grins teasingly, lifting his brows and earning a laugh from you. “And as odd as it may sound, I do care about you, L/N. You’re just... extremely likable.”

“I’m sorry, are we disturbing the two of you?” McGonagall’s voice startled you and Amos. She had a brow lifted and her nostrils were dangerously inflated.

“Oh, please! You could never bother us, Minnie!” You joke as you realize all eyes were on you and Diggory, so you had to pretend everything was fine. “You do teach the best subject in the school’s curriculum after all.”

“Then I suggest you two quit chatting and start paying attention to my class,” she shoots back. Her lips were pressed in a thin line but you could swear you saw a shadow of a smile creep in there for a split second.

“I’m afraid Miss L/N won’t be paying much attention to your class today, Professor McGonagall,” Dumbledore’s voice waved from the doorstep. He had a serene and kind smile on his face. “Can I borrow her for a second?”

“Thank Godric!” You mutter to yourself, a sudden relief washing you. You were finally going to get back home, to your easy, romantically boring and happy life alongside with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Weren’t you?

McGonagall sighed heavily and shrugged before motioning for you to go. You quickly got your stuff together and followed the Headmaster to his office.

***

“So, can I go home already?” You ask barely waiting until you crossed the doors, your heart beating faster and full of hope.

“Not yet, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore offers you a sympathetic smile, sitting on his chair and pointing the one in front of him for you.

“But, sir, I’ve been here for weeks already,” you furrowed your brows in despair, occupying the offered seat.

“Time-turners are very temperamental and complex devices, Miss L/N. It can take some time before it gets fully functioning again; I told you that,” he interlaced his hands, lowering his head a little so he could look straight into your eyes.

“Pardon me, sir, I don’t want to sound rude, but... If you didn’t summon me here to bring me home, then why am I here at all?” You ask curiously.

Dumbledore just smiled at you whilst taking a few seconds to think. “I thought you could use the talking.”

You open your mouth but shut it immediately as you see him lifting a brow at you. You lower your eyes, thinking of what to say. You knew Dumbledore wanted to know why you had this rush to leave — given the dozen owls you sent him along the week — when you had a lot of close friends in this current timeline who you’d definitely miss and would definitely miss you as well. But how were you supposed to open up to him? How were you supposed to just open your mouth and say ‘yeah, you see, I fell in love with my best friend’s dad and ‘m actually besties with his mom as well, ha! Talk about double betrayal!”

“How is Mr. Potter? — James, I mean,” he asks bluntly, adding the latter after he noticed you were about to deflect the real question by mentioning Harry.

“He’s... alright, I guess,” you shrug, trying to look unimpressed.

“Is he? I don’t think that anyone who doesn’t have their best friend by their side can be classified as alright,” he smiled, his glare intense from behind his half-moon spectacles.

“Godric, you really do know everything that happens inside these walls, don’t ya?” You look at him in awe, genuinely impressed. “Sorry, sir, I mean no disrespect,” you add suddenly, earning an amused laugh from him.

“I like to keep myself up to date, yes. But in all seriousness Miss L/N, why do you think you’re here? Why do you think you came back to this specific time in history?”

“I... I wish I could know,” you whisper.

“What is the most powerful magic in the world?”

“Yours?!” You shrug, unsure if he meant what you thought.

Dumbledore laughs, grateful for your compliment. “Though I appreciate the compliment, the most powerful magic in the world is love, Y/N.”

You stare at him, sadness taking over your face as you were lost for words once again.

“Allow yourself to remember, Miss L/N,” Dumbledore smiled warmly at you.

***

Dumbledore’s words were floating on your mind as you walked aimlessly through the castle. He was known to be quite mysterious and it didn’t surprise you that he left you with an apparently senseless puzzle in hands instead of telling you exactly what you needed to do. Well, if he did, it wouldn’t be him. At first you had thought that you had to bring Lily and James together, due to the whole love-is-the-most-powerful-magic thing. But then he had told you to allow yourself to remember. Remember what, exactly?!

“Oh, fuck it!” You huffed in frustration, running both of your hands through your hair and sliding down the wall until you were sit on the floor. You shut your eyes and kept them that way in hope that once you opened them again, you’d wake up from this horrific nightmare.

You heard someone sitting beside you, but you still didn’t dare to open your eyes. It was probably Remus, Sirius or Lily, worried about you and ready to give you a lecture about the poor choices you had made in the last 24 hours. When the person slid their arm over your shoulder, you felt at ease. Your body could recognize his touch without flinching.

“You alright, love?” James asked you when you rested your head on his shoulder.

“No. Are you?” You finally opened your eyes and studied his face. His jaw was clenched and he was staring at the wall in front of him. No jokes, no warm smile. His eyes didn’t have the usual spark of eagerness. His nearly arrogant confident vibe was gone. He almost didn’t look like himself. You sighed heavily.

“Not really,” he rested his head on top of yours, reaching for your hand.

“I’m sorry. I really am,” you said sincerely, interlocking your fingers in his.

“I miss you. I just... i can’t lose you, okay? Not now, not ever,” he sighs.

“Me too. Not having you in my life every single day is the shittiest thing that could ever happen to me, Potter,” you hug him. James finally laughs and plants a kiss on top of your head.

“Same here, sweetheart. I don’t think I can be myself if I don’t have you around. You’re... part of who I am,” he smirks softly.

You rested your forehead in the crook of his neck, your thoughts fuzzy, wishing you could just kiss him right now and allow yourself to be truly happy for the first time in your life. But being the loyal friend you were, of course you suppressed this impetus you felt whenever he was around once again.

“Come on, let’s head back to the common room and let everyone breathe a sigh of relief that we’re on speaking terms again!” He joked after a while, getting on his feet and helping you to do the same.

As you made your way into the castle, James took your hand in his. You debated with yourself wether or not you should take it away, but it felt so right that you just shook the thought. Before he could say the password as you reached the Fat Lady portrait that guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor tower, you squeezed James’ hand. “Jamie...”

“Yeah?” He gave you a smile when he turned around to face you. The same smile that always turned your legs into melted jelly and caused your heart to beat like a drum.

“Promise me we’ll never loose each other again,” you say, hugging him and smashing your eyes shut.

“I couldn’t let you go if I tried,” he hugged you as tightly as he could. “You’re too bloody important to me.”

“Are we okay?”

“Always.”

The two of you just stood there in each other’s arms, enjoying the moment as much as you could before reality came smashing into your faces. And it didn’t take long to do so.

“Alright lovebirds, are you planning on moving any time soon or you’ll just stand there blocking the entrance forever?” A bored sixth year asked.

Blushing, both you and James let go of each other and muttered an apology, whilst the fellow Gryffindor rolled her eyes with an amused smirk.

“Just get together already, it’s getting quite embarrassing to see you painfully longing for each other year after year,” she shrugs before disappearing into the hole, leaving you and James with a dumbfounded look behind.

“Quite the crowd we have, huh love?” James asks with a laugh after seeing your pink-toned face.

“I think we just became more fascinating and eagerly awaited than the quidditch matches,” you frown playfully, bitting your lower lip whilst trying to shrug off the burning feeling in your cheeks.

James stared at you with a side smirk, his eyes lowering from yours until landing on your lips. The lips that he wanted to kiss every second of every day. The lips he wished belonged to him, but bitterly remembered it was now Diggory’s.

“What’s wrong?” You squeeze his shoulder as you noticed his smile fading and his face falling.

“Nothing, love. Let’s get inside,” he forces a smile before he too disappeared into the portrait hole. You stood there for a while, partially happy that you got your friendship with James mended, but also scared that it was only going to break your heart even more, and his own in the process.

“Are you coming in dear?” You hear the Fat Lady voice from beside you.

“Yeah! I’m just... sorry,” you shake your heard confusedly before crossing the frame yourself.

———————————————

Taglist: @treestarrrrrrrr @fanfic-enthusiast-collector @jgtfvhsg @jullianerey @silver-winter-wolf

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #james potter x you #lily evans #remus lupin #sirius black #wizarding world #harry potter x you #harry potter x reader #right place wrong time #rpwt imagine

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sweetestlamb · 4 years ago

Text

Still, I Rise

Summary: Damn teenagers and their angst.

Author's Note: Back with another chapter, if you didn’t already know it I will be revealing our mystery character from the last chapter LOL please put down the bats and weapons (jk take them out it’s hilarious!) With this chapter we are getting closer to the “climax” and I am so excited to write the fun chapters I have planned ahead, one scene that I am really looking forward to writing is the camping trip, I had so much plans and events that I wanted to see that didn’t because TVN woke up and chose basic, we hate to see it. I can’t wait to rewrite history honestly also can’t wait to just move to onto regular schmegular teen problems, I swearrrrrrr.

"Don't you dare embarrass me this time. You aren't ugly why can't you get these damn little rich brats to like you? Are you truly this useless? Don't come home if you can't make this one fall for you!"

Those had been his father's final words right before his hand split his lower lip open with a razor sharp blow that made his head whip in recoil. His father's footsteps faded as he walked away leaving him crumpled on the ground, anger and embarrassment raging in his blood. He hadn't chosen this life at all, never wanted to be a bargaining chip for that despicable man. First with Eun Dan Oh and now this new girl, Kang Sujin.

She'd initially stood him up and he had felt foolish sitting in the lavish restaurant by himself, checking his phone but no calls or messages arrived.

His father had been livid that night, more vicious than usual his stepmother's weak screams served as the soundtrack for his brutal beating. Why couldn’t she just be quiet? Did it make her feel better when she acted as if she actually gave a shit about him? His brother coming into his room after with those pathetic weeping eyes and a bandage had only made him angrier, he shoved him away slamming the door in his face, refusing his help. He didn't need anyone, nobody could save him from his horrible fate.

It hadn't taken much research to find out her school and on impulse he'd gone there without her knowledge, watching from afar at first. A tiny girl with short hair framing her face had ran giggling into a taller girl with long dark hair and a classically beautiful face, they walked side by side smiling and laughing and that's when he'd heard her call out , "Sujin we should get something to eat!"

It wasn't love at first sight or anything ridiculous and disgustingly romantic like that, but he felt a connection to the girl for some inconceivable reason as if they were kindred spirits or something, maybe it was the remnant of a bruise he saw on her wrist hidden beneath her sweater.

It seemed they had more in common then he had initially believed, it was a grim similarity.

He'd gone home feeling less burdened than before, and his father's smile had been terrifying when he'd told him that he would work hard to win the girl over, only because he knew how quickly that smile could evaporate and his father could become the monster he was accustomed to. He tried not to flinch as the older man clapped him on the shoulder, his body already in fight or flight mode.

His father had merely smirked at his apparent fear.

Bastard.

So he'd taken to following the other girl around, she was going to be his fiancé anyway so he saw nothing wrong with it. And that was how he learned about the other boy, a tall slender boy who looked like someone that would grace an idol magazine cover. They were together more often than he liked, and it seemed more than platonic if the glances and subtle touches were a sign.

He wasn't jealous per se, but this would be a roadblock in his plan that he couldn't afford. He was getting used to not being beaten.

The day he'd followed them to the hospital presented another challenge for him, he hated hospitals and what they represented with every fiber of his being. He'd spent too much time in them growing up and then again for a girl who couldn't care less about him, she was another reminder that he wasn't worthy of love. He had thought he loved her but still hurt her whenever she disobeyed him, he knew he was no better than his father.

Unexpectedly Sujin had burst through the hospital doors, surprising him and forcing him to hide lest she spot him, peeking out from his hiding place behind a tree he saw her distraught and near tears running the opposite direction. He stood in shock merely watching and waiting to see if the unknown boy would follow her, but thankfully he never came.

Pushing down his own wariness and discomfort he walked into the hospital immediately feeling a cold chill on his skin, he refused to call it trauma that made it sound like something was wrong with him. He was fine and he could do this.

Thankfully the nurses were too busy and nobody noticed him walking by and he froze when he spotted another man who was capable of making him flinch. Doctor Kang, he looked anything but approachable in his gleaming white lab coat and he remembered watching the man laugh with his father as they both sold their children without remorse. Instinctively he hid watching the man glare into a hospital room, he almost feared for whomever was the recipient of the ice cold gaze.

Minutes melted by before the doctor finally walked away, his steps clipped and echoing on the linoleum floors and he finally let out a sigh of relief when the other man disappeared around the corner.

Stealthily he rounded the corner and took the doctor's abandoned spot, peeking into the room through the small window in the door. It was that boy again, the idol wannabe but this time he wasn't alone there was a young girl with a bouquet in her arms and a older woman lovingly patting him on his cheeks.

His mother.

A loving one, at that.

His blood seared watching the domestic scene, jealousy ripping through him like a tornado. There was no way he was letting this asshole have Sujin too, he already had too much. More than he, Baekyung would ever have.

The motorcycle roars under her thighs as they whip down the road. It only serves to remind her of the first time she was on a bike with another boy, his cologne and the scent of leather infiltrating her senses and making her heart jump through hoops. This time she feels nothing but annoyance and extreme frustration, barely holding onto the stranger in front of her as she leans forward to yell above the engine, "Pullover!"

She knows he heard her based on the immediate tension in his body but he continues to ride ignoring her request demand. With a grunt she grabs onto his waist only to bodily drag them to the side not caring if they both crash at this point she cannot stand another second on this bike with him, instantly he straightens them before skidding to the side and finally pulling the brakes bringing the motorcycle to a halt, the moment the bike stops she hops off in a frenzy.

Thrusting the bottom piece of his helmet up he screams at her, "Are you insane? You could have hurt us!"

She bares her teeth at him, ready to unleash her full anger on him now without an audience.

"Who the fuck are you? And why did you come to my school?" She bellows glaring poisonously at the strange idiot who had single handedly upended her day.

Moving calmer than she's feeling, he dismounts finally pulling his helmet off and then squeezing it under his arm looking down at her.

With a condescending look he stares at her, "You know exactly who I am, don't play dumb it's beneath you."

He's right. She does know who he is although she had never seen him or known his name, she had truly thought she could ignore him and he would disappear. Just like with her father that was proving to be an erroneous dream that would never come true.

"But I'll formally introduce myself since we are going to be engaged soon after all, Baekyung. You can call me oppa though."

Engaged soon.

Her head spins from his words, she feels terror shift over her like a thick suffocating blanket.

"You don't even know me. Why would you even agree to this?" She stares at him in disbelief, at a loss to his acquiesce to their tragic fate.

The look in his eyes haunt her, it's like staring in a mirror and gazing back at the person she was months ago. Somehow without her knowledge or consent she'd changed, grown even and therefore started believing that her life was just that, hers.

"You act like we have a choice. Don't be stupid, we have to just do as we're told. It's easier this way for everyone." He repeats those words that she herself had uttered to Seojun not so long ago, a sense of deja vu washes over her.

"How is letting ourselves be used easier? Don't you have your own dreams or aspirations? Isn't there someone you actually like?" She knows the error of her argument immediately as she says it, his eyes narrow into thin enraged slits and she can practically feel the anger vibrating off him.

"Don't pretend to care about me. This is about you and your little boyfriend," he spits the word like acid and immediately she remembers those chilling words he had whispered in her eyes earlier, "Do you think he'll be safe?" That was all it had taken for her to go with him, he couldn't get hurt she wouldn't allow that to happen ever. She had no idea what those ominous words meant and how this boy could pose a threat to Seojun but she knew she had to hear him out and protect Seojun anyway she possibly could.

"He's not the only one you should be worried about." The smug bastard continues with a humorless grin on his face and suddenly the dots connect, her father outside of Ms. Han's hospital room and that calculating look on his face. Her stomach drops.

"Leave them out of it!" She screams embarrassed at the urgent plea in her voice but she can't help it, she's so scared more than she's ever been for herself.

"Well that all depends on you doesn't it? Your dear father will have no reason to do anything to them if you listen like a good daughter and date me as expected."

She stands frozen once again feeling helpless, it kills her inside all her growth slipping down the drain in a matter of seconds.

"Why are you doing this?"

He stills at her question, his cold mask dropping and leaving something numb and unreadable in its place. It feels familiar to her, she awaits his answer with bated breath.

"I want to live, even if I have no control over it. I'd rather be alive."

Thunder clashes above them, the previously sunny day shifting into a gray dark distortion, heavy storm clouds ominously loom above them and the first raindrops land perfectly on her cheeks, crying the tears that she refuses to let fall. She has no more left to cry.

Confusion is an understatement to express Su-ah's true feelings following the mysterious boy on the motorcycle, when she finally gets Sujin on the phone the other girl is quiet and mumbling, evading all her questions and as soon as she mentions Seojun, Sujin shuts down hastily ending their conversation with some nonsensical excuse.

That was not going to be the end, Sujin might want to play dumb about the true nature of their relationship but she wasn't part of the circus. She was no clown, she had eyes and it was clear that they liked each other and it was only growing the more time they spent together. She wouldn't let her best friend sabotage something that could be great for her, she deserved happiness and Seojun made her happy. So it was truly that simple.

Stomping up the slight incline to school, she huffs and puffs determined. She was going to talk some sense into the other girl.

Those thoughts come crashing all around her when she sees Sujin coming out of a car, a car that she has never seen before and her questions are answered when the boy from yesterday steps out after her. Every eye in a ten mile radius is watching them, captivated by this new school scandal. Girls already squealing and giggling, envious of Sujin and doing very little to hide their true feelings.

“Why is he with her? She isn’t even that pretty. He should be with me.”

The lies people told themselves to sleep at nights, sad.

Accidentally knocking the gossiping girl to the side with a rough shoulder check, ignoring her dramatic cry she sprints the rest of the way, once again pushing through the crowd to get to Sujin.

Immediately their eyes lock and she begs Sujin for a answers, What happened? Why are you doing this? What’s going?, she flinches at the cold emotionless stare she gets in response. She watches in dismay as the tall boy bends down as if to hug Sujin and that's when a loud grumble fills the air, she turns around to the all too familiar sight of Seojun on his motorcycle. He revs the handle bar causing the crowd to part like the Red Sea, then he rides slowly until he's right next to Sujin bike inches away from touching her.

With a practiced motion he tugs off his helmet, those sloping feline eyes already on Sujin in a hard stare.

The tension is insurmountable and cloying and Su-ah watches transfixed before Sujin breaks the impasse, tugging her bookbag over her shoulder she stomps into the school without a word to either boys. But then the interloping boy calls out, “Have a good day. Princess,” and Sujin stops immediately at the word, turning around with a ferocious look in her eyes, “Don’t call me that. My name is Kang Sujin to you. That’s all.” Su-ah sees the way that Sujin’s eyes almost subconsciously seek out a certain cat eyed boy and feels like she misses an entire conversation between the two before Sujin finally walks away.

The mysterious boy glares at her retreating back before shooting a cold glare at Seojun and then promptly hopping back into his car, the backseat as he's chauffeured away.

"Oh my god! That was so hot! Princess?”

"Who is that? Does Kang Sujin have a boyfriend? Wow, she’s mean to her boyfriend too. What a bitch.”

Why do you think Seojun looked so angry?"

"Maybe he's worried about losing his bad boy title!"

The crowd erupts around them in loud voices, all curious about what they've witnessed and already creating rumors to appease their curiosity. Suddenly a loud motorcycle screech causes them all to jump silence falling over the crowd before Seojun rides away, the tight clench in his jaw visible even from her distance.

Lunch is a step above awkward, bordering into painful. The easy conversation that used to be a staple of the table is all but decimated, instead everyone eats quietly chilled by the cold air permeating from both Seojun and Sujin. They only speak when spoken to and avoid all eye contact, especially each others. It's painful to be a witness to and she notes regretfully that neither are eating home made lunch today, opting for the school lunch instead.

Sujin had never officially told her but she knew that they were making food for each other, their smiles watching the other eat made it too obvious.

This was serious. Looking at them now they looked like complete strangers, everyone was too nervous to question the elephant in the room. Everyone except poor Chorong.

"Why is everyone was so awkward today? What did you two fight or something? Why do we all have to suffer because of your lover's quarrel? Just kiss and make up already."

The table all looked on with opened mouths except Suho and herself who both looked worried instead.

And people thought she was slow, how had they all not realized what was happening? It was clear as day.

She flinches at his well-meaning words that are evidently not well received by either teen, watching them both glare at the table unmoving and the silence drags out painfully before Seojun breaks the stalemate. Standing without preamble he glares at Chorong before placing the stare on Sujin, it does nothing to change her unaffected stare. With a loud sigh he stomps away, despite his friends dismayed shouts of his name.

She continues to eat her lunch, watching Sujin in her peripheral.

She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulder and Su-ah for the first time in their friendship has no idea what to do.

But when they all start to funnel out of the cafeteria she follows the other girl anyway, tugging her into an enclave where they are hidden from the rest of their classmates Sujin cries out at the sudden jerk but loses her defensive stance when she realizes it’s just her.

“What?”

“What’s going on? Why are you letting that punk bring you to school and why are you and Han Seojun acting like you broke up before you even started officially dating? Sujin-ah, please tell me what’s going on.” She pleads latching onto the other girl’s arm peering up at her with puppy dog eyes, they have never failed her before.

“I can’t tell you yet, I’m sorry.”

There’s a first time for everything and she frowns at Sujin feeling like there is a mountain between them. She can’t help the hurt that she feels knowing the other girl doesn’t trust her enough to tell her what’s going on. She thought they had moved past all the secrets and hiding but obviously she was wrong.

“I really am sorry. But I will tell you everything soon enough.”

She releases Sujin’s arm, ready to walk away. She hates being in the dark. But before she can walk away, she feels Sujin hand on the bottom of her sweater tugging her backwards, she looks back with a perplexed glare.

“Do you trust me?”

She stares at Sujin and the soft tilt of her head as she asks the question, and her answer is easy, although she has no idea what’s going on and none of this makes any sense to her she doesn’t have to think about that answer.

"You shouldn't do this to him. It's too cruel." Suho expects a biting retort or even a call for him to mind this damn business, so he's shocked breathless when instead the other girl smiles at him, a tiny almost indecipherable thing that makes her lips thinner.

"You two have come a long way." Sujin responds unexpectedly shaking her head and walking over to the couch, before beckoning him over too.

He stares feeling suspicious but ultimately he follows, curiosity winning.

"I think I'm ready." Sujin expels a deep breath, twisting her hands nervously in her lap. Before he can ask her what exactly she's ready for she continues, "I want to tell your father what happened if you really think he'll help me."

He's too late to swallow the strangled gasp that escapes from his lungs and he leans back in surprise. He wants to continue his conversation about Seojun but he’s scared to do anything to make the other girl retreat or change her mind now. That conversation will have to wait for another day.

Sorry Seojun.

"Are you sure? You're really ready to do this?"

There's a long pause and he watches a myriad of emotions run across Sujin's usually expressionless face until something that looks suspiciously like hope blossoms making her glow brighter than the sun.

"Yes. I want to try living just for me."

Blinking away the moisture in his eyes, he pulls out his cellphone sending his father a message.

Please come over.

It only takes seconds but it feels like an eternity before his father replies, he smiles at the message.

On my way.

He stands up to put the kettle on the fire, he knows that tonight will be a long night and he needs something to keep his hands occupied.

When his doorbell rings he's shocked when Sujin stands up looking at him with a serene gaze, "I'll get it." He only nods at her in reply, watching as she greets his father and man recovers quickly at the unexpected visitor, smiling warmly at Sujin before pulling her into a warm embrace.

Even more surprisingly Sujin doesn't flinch, allowing herself to be wrapped up.

His father embraces him as well, patting him on the back and again on the head when they break apart. He can feel Sujin's eyes on them and he moves away guiltily. Now isn’t the time to rub his burgeoning relationship with his father in her face.

"Have a seat Dad, thank you for coming so quickly."

His father lifts an eyebrow at the sudden serious tone of his voice but he follows his directions nonetheless folding his hands on his lap and looking inquisitively between the two teenagers.

"Is there something you both want to tell me? Perhaps you two are....." His father motions vaguely between them and he stares back not comprehending until his father smiles slyly and Sujin beats him to it, protesting ardently.

"No! No, it's nothing like that. There's someone else...I mean no. That's what what we wanted to talk about."

He raises an eyebrow at Sujin's slip and his father chuckles at her stuttering and the red blaze across her cheeks.

His father waves his arms in appeal, apologetic grin on his face. "Sorry I didn't mean to embarrass you both. I just always hoped you two might one day. A father can dream."

He scoffs at his father, "Give up on that dream she's like family to me. We would never see each other that day."

Sujin nods passionately in agreement and his father shrugs easily, now looking even more curious than before.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Sujin stills on her spot on the couch, the determination in her bones seeming to melt away with every passing minute. He fears this won't go as planned and he has no idea how to motivate her.

Then a loud vibration rumbles from the couch and it takes Sujin a moment to realize it's her phone, he watches curiously as she looks at the message and then a single tear runs down her round cheek. The determination curls back around her like armor, he watches in amazement as she sits taller turning to look at his father with newfound courage or maybe it wasn’t newfound but suddenly uncovered by whatever she had seen on her phone.

“Suho asked you for help for me. I’m really the one who needs your help.” He can hear the slight quiver and hitches in her words but she gets them all out and instantly she has his father’s undivided attention, he even turns his body to fully face the girl. Pride swells in his chest at the sight, he was worried his father would only be adamant about helping him directly as a way to get closer to him but now he can see that he was wrong about the other man. Genuine concern fills every line and wrinkle of time on his face.

“What is wrong? What do you need help with and why can’t you tell your parents?” It’s a innocent question, and logical too but he fears Sujin’s reaction, when she feels like she is backed into a corner in the past that has led to her lashing out with dagger sharp remarks, he watches with his heart lodged in his throat.

“Because they are the ones hurting me.”

His lungs deflate releasing all the air that was trapped in the sacs, she said the truth without hesitation and he turns to glance at his father watching him process the bomb that she has just dropped on him. His father opens and closes his mouth several times, before finding his voice it is but a whisper when he responds to Sujin.

“That time you needed a doctor.” The statement is directed to Suho and with a sober nod he confirms what his father already knows, with a loud sigh his father sinks into the couch quiet rage on his face. “I should have known, you always seemed so scared of him but I thought it was just his parenting style I never thought...never expected that he would....I should have done something!”

Sujin laughs, it is pained and small but he hears it and immediately turns to look at her, “He sounds just like you like father like son I guess,” Sujin directs that at him and he blushes in memory, he can’t deny the claims. Then she turns back to his father with surprisingly soft eyes, “Don’t blame yourself, just help me now if you can.”

“I will use all of my resources to make sure he spends his life in jail.”

Suho jumps in his seat looking over at Sujin, that is way more than they had ever discussed that was what he truly wanted for the monstrous man but it always seemed like too much to ask for but here was his father saying it as if it was completely plausible.

“Jail? Do you really think he can go to jail? It would be his word against mine, I never took any pictures. I was stupid.” Sujin berates herself, and before he can dismiss the self inflicted insult his father is already moving closer and putting a large hand on her trembling shoulder, only then does he realize how the girl is shaking like a new leaf.

“No, it will be my word against his. I will also get that report from Doctor Kim, that could be used as evidence. You’re just a kid and a victim, I’ll handle this you don’t need to do anything else. You’ve handled enough on your own, we got you now.” His father looks over at him as if waiting for his approval and he moves onto the couch with them both, after a moment’s pause putting his hand on Sujin’s other shoulder.

“We got you.”

Jukyeong glances over nervously at Seojun the aroma of coffee thick in the air as she sweeps up the beans she had clumsily spilled on the ground, she waited for Seojun to playfully scold her as he often did when she messed up at work but the reprimand never came and when she glanced over at him he had been staring longing at his cellphone.

Su-ah had been the first to notice how weird him and Sujin acted around each other and despite not having a lot of experience with relationships, especially those of the romantic kind she could see that they didn’t hate each other as much as Sujin tried to drive the deceptive point home. They were always teasing each other and Seojun found any excuse to be near Sujin and soon he wasn’t the only one, they just seemed to naturally gravitate to each other at times bickering so much it was like they were the only two people in the room.

But all that had come to an abrupt end with the sudden appearance of the boy on the motorcycle, the entire school was in a uproar over him, Baek Kyung, she had heard the other girls whispering his name. On paper he seemed very similar to Han Seojun, same bad boy persona and affinity for motorcycles and glares. But the biggest difference she noticed was Sujin's reaction to them both, she had heard from some gossiping girls how vehemently Sujin had declared that Baek Kyung not call her “princess”, a moniker she had commonly heard Seojun use to refer to the girl. Sujin never stopped him these days, instead rolling her eyes and speeding up to escape from him, he would chase after all calling her the sweet nickname all the way.

When Seojun would use it to refer to her in passing such as, “Are you gonna eat that princess?” Those were times that Sujin didn’t react at all, simply handing him whatever food in her container had caught his eye that she had ignored.

They were casually domestic in a way that they never seemed to realize and she couldn’t help but categorize. Seojun liked Sujin that was becoming clearer and it seemed like the feeling was mutual, even if the girl wasn’t yet ready to admit it.

Which was why this new development came as a complete shock to her, why was Sujin suddenly giving her attention to someone else?

“Did you guys have a fight? Just tell her you’re sorry.” She offers out of the blue, and Seojun turns to her with a puzzled look drying a mug with a cloth, “What are you talking about now clumsy?”

Thankfully the shop is empty, she quirks at eyebrow at him folding her arm when he continues to play dumb.

“Sujin. You guys clearly had a fight, you’re both so hot tempered. Her temper is probably worst than yours though so just apologize okay? It’s better than fighting.”

He stares at her with a blank face before turning away, rubbing firmer at the mug in his hands and she worries for its safety.

“Why should I apologize when she’s the one who’s with another guy? Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. Clearly this was one-sided. She doesn’t like me.”

She openly laughs at him now, looking at him like he has two heads. “What are you talking about? If she didn’t like you then why did she follow you to your mom’s hospital? She tried to be all sneaky but Chorong told us everything. Plus she always gets jealous when other girls give you food at school and don’t think we don’t all know that you guys make food for each other!”

He whips around looking at her with huge eyes, “Wait you all knew? So when I said that someone special made it for me? You knew?”

She smiles brightly, “Yep. It wasn’t subtle at all.”

He sighs in annoyance, turning away to hide the pink on his face.

“I’m not apologizing. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She sighs at the boy’s words, knowing that this fight might go on longer than it needs to and she wishes she could just shake some sense into both of them, why were they choosing to suffer like this?

Damn teenagers and their angst.

Grumbling she goes to take a customer’s order, glancing over at Seojun with a final sad smile.

Hopefully they can figure this out without falling apart.

Time seems to move slower than usual today and he almost pumps a fist in triumph when he sees that it’s finally eight and they are free to leave.

“Do you want to me to walk you to the bus stop?” He offers Jukyeong out of politeness but she shakes her head no, telling him that she is going to meet with her older sister for dinner running out before him and hailing a cab, he smiles at the sight that’s one girl who loves to eat.

Turning off the lights in the shop, he turns over the “open” sign and locks the door behind him. The cool spring night air brushes against his cheeks and he makes his way to his motorcycle, mounting in one motion and sighing as it purrs to life before he speeds off his destination already in mind. He bobs and weaves through traffic, smirking at idiot drivers who blare their horns at him when he inches too close to their precious car but even they are not enough to rain on his parade.

When he finally arrives, he bounces off the bike throwing the helmet onto the handlebar carelessly before bounding over to the figure he sees waiting.

He can’t help the smile that tugs against his lips, ultimately setting it free as the figure turns around at the sound of his boot stomping on the ground.

“Did you wait long?” He asks moving closer until he can feel the heat wafting off the body in front of him.

“No, I only just got here too. Why are you smiling like that? You look deranged.”

He smiles wider, feeling mischievous after what a certain klutz had revealed to him with a smirk he leans closer to her, grinning harder when she leans back looking at him with a confused glare.

“I heard from a certain birdie that you followed me to the hospital and that you get jealous when other girls give me food. Is that true princess?”

Sujin growls at him, shoving his shoulder hard before stomping away to the park bench. He eagerly follows after her, throwing his arm over her shoulder smiling at her wearing yet another one of his sweaters, this time a black one that reaches the bottom of her knees and completely hides whatever she is wearing underneath. She looks equally sexy as adorable and it makes his blood boil in a way he has been trying harder and harder to suppress around her.

“I knew you would try to milk the situation. This isn’t why I told you everything.”

He smiles recalling what Sujin is referring to.

Just a day go.....

He stares angrily at his phone in utter disbelief that she would have the gall to call him after what had just happened. She had left on another boy’s motorcycle even though he had asked her not to, he didn’t know what was going on but seeing her leave like that, he wished he knew how to turn off all his feelings for her. No other human should have this kind of power or control over him but here he was ready to burst because she had picked someone else over him.

“What do you want?” He barks out answering the call with a hard press of his finger and immediately he starts to lose some of his fire when he hears her soft staggered breaths on the other line.

“Seojun, can you meet me somewhere?”

He wants to say no, to bitterly hang up on her and tell her that he has someone new too but that would be a lie and he desperately wants to see her and hold her and find out why she decided to rip his heart out and stomp on it.

Feeling pathethic he answers her with a sigh, “Where are you?”

Songnisan park. It’s not too far from their school and he hangs up without answering hopping on his bike and riding to her. Maybe it’s stupid but he can’t turn his back on her just yet, he still wants to hear her out even if she’s going to break his heart.

By the time he reaches the park it’s raining, pouring down in sheets despite the warm weather and he immediately sees Sujin sitting under the downpour while other park goers are running and using picnic blankets as makeshift umbrellas.

The scenes feels all too familiar and he wonders if this will be their end? Would life be that poetic to have them end the same way they became?

Sighing he tugs his sweater off, walking quickly to close the gap between them before sitting beside her and thrusting his sweater above both their heads, protecting them from the rain.

She turns to him with a gasp and he realizes how closely they are sitting beside each other, he can feel her breath when she exhales and it washes over in an intoxicating breeze. He has to forcibly put some distance between them before he does something that he knows he shouldn’t, especially not now.

“My father knows about us. He saw me at the hospital and I’m scared he saw your mother and sister too. I don’t think I should visit anymore.”

He pauses to process her words and he feels his chest tighten with anger at the mention of that sub-human, if he ever tried to harm a hair on his family’s head that would be the last thing he ever did. But once the rage passes by he thinks of the rest of Sujin’s sentence, my father knows about us.

They were an us.

There was an us for people to know about?

“Us?” He replies stupidly, unable to stop his heart from fluttering.

With a sound of exasperation she looks over at him, “How is that the most important thing that I said?” The pretty blush on her face does not go unnoticed but he responds to her statement staying focused, “My mom was discharged today. They said it was just a scare and nothing serious. He can’t do anything to us, if he tries I’ll kill him.”

He means it, every single word falling from his lips.

He’s not prepared for Sujin to sob and drop her head onto his shoulder, he drops their sweater umbrella at the sudden pleasant weight feeling the rain drench his hair and shirt instantly.

“I’m so happy to hear that. I was so worried about all of you.”

A bubble of happiness explodes in his chest and he’s so close to just letting go of all his anger and holding her, seeing her so worried about his family is almost enough to undo him.

But, he can’t forget the image of her riding off with someone else. His heart will never forget that ache, that indescribable pain.

“So you care about me now? Is that why you left me like that today? Because you care so much?”

He is being petty, he knows that but he can’t stop the jealousy that is fueling him right now. His green eyed monster is raring its ugly head.

“That’s the guy you told me to stand up, remember? That’s the guy my father is trying to sell me to. He’s been following us and he knew about you, he threatened you. I did what I had to, I have to do this until I speak to Suho’s father. I think.....No. I’m ready now. I’m going to tell him everything and ask for his help.”

His heart is pounding erratically in his chest, he can barely hear the rain over the loud thumping of the organ and he can’t believe he ever doubted her, feels guilt twist around him but he pushes that aside to take in everything she has confessed to him, without saying the words she has all but confirmed everything Jukyeong carelessly exposed to him in the coffee shop, she cares about him too enough to want to protect him at any cost. But most importantly she was starting to care about herself, she no longer saw her life as expendable and was willing to ask for help even at the expense of revealing her darkest secret and getting her hopes up.

Fuck she was the bravest person he knew.

Without thinking he tugs her into his arms, wrapping her in a tight hug before he realizes what he’s doing but by the time he starts to move back she’s already hugging him back, her arms tight around his shoulder and her head in the dip of his neck and it’s too perfect to stop now. Absently he strokes her wet silky smooth hair and when they finally draw apart, the barest amount of space between them he takes another risk, glancing at her eyes pleading and then smiling when she nods, giving him permission even without knowing what he plans to do, simply trusting him, he leans forward and plants a soft butterfly kiss on her forehead, she hisses in response but instead of moving away she latches on to him tighter.

“I’m so proud of you baby.” He kisses her again, firmer this time putting all the love and pride he feels for her in that gentle kiss to her brow.

He expects a lot of things in response to his bold move and the new nickname, a punch, a kick, her loud denial and rejection, he is emotionally prepared for any and all of those reactions, but instead she steals his breath away when she smiles up at him, looking into his eyes and he realizes that she’s looking for permission too and he nods, nervous and anxious to see what she will do.

With a moment’s hesitation she tugs him down and he goes easily, his heart in his chest and he closes his eyes as her face draws closer to him, his heart is pattering now a crazy thundering mess filled to the brim with anticipation.

He feels her plush lips against his cheek, the rain making the skin slick and he hums in encouragement as the kiss lingers before he opens his eyes and immediately they are lost in each other’s eyes and he can feel their faces moving closer as if opposite ends of a magnet and he waits for her to stop them, to push him away and run off but she is just as lost as him, moving closer too and when only centimeters separate their lips, a loud crash of thunder booms high above their heads making them jump apart, both flying to opposite ends of the bench.

“We should...um get out of this rain before we catch a cold.”

The ride home is awkward and he can barely breathe with how tightly she’s holding his waist but he smiles through the rain, taking care to move carefully on the wet streets not wanting to hurt Sujin and then they are in front of Suho’s apartment, much too fast to his disappointment.

They both sit unmoving for a few seconds before Sujin releases his waist from her death grip and gets off the bike.

“Let’s talk over there for a minute.” He states dismounting too and walking over to the scaffold so they can escape the torrential rain for a moment at least.

They stand awkwardly shivering from the cold in their wet clothes, it’s obvious that Sujin is embarrassed about what happened- their kisses-but he can barely contain his joy, if he were alone right now he would be doing backflips.

This day as made a complete 180 turn for the better.

“I have to pretend to date him. We already agreed to come to school tomorrow. He agreed to stop following me if I let him take me to school and go on dates. He has to put on a show for his father too.” She says talking so fast that the words slur together and he wonders absently if she’s nervous? And if so, why? Was she nervous about his reaction?

He nods in understanding, “Okay. I forgot to say it earlier, but thank you for telling me and not leaving me in the dark. I appreciate it.”

That’s the logical part of his response, he knows what it took for Sujin to involve him in her plan and how huge it is that she hadn’t wanted him to misunderstand her feelings and motives. But she’s still the girl that he likes and he can’t help the illogical things that flood his mind too.

“Not on his motorcycle though.”

She looks at him with a deep searching stare and he simply stares back, nonplussed. He knows what he sounds like, a bargaining jealous boyfriend. That’s exactly what he wants to be so he sees no reason to attempt to explain himself, whatever she’s thinking is true and he isn’t the least bit ashamed to admit it. At his unabashed stare she crumples looking away with a barely hidden smile, “Okay. Not on his bike. Even though I never told you that you were allowed to have conditions, this isn’t a negotiation.” She complains but the sting is gone because she has already agreed to his request, he flashes a smile at her.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. I will have to act jealous, that shouldn’t be too hard.” He winks at her and this time she does try to punch him, he barely dodges her fist.

Such a violent little thing.

“I never said you had to do anything.”

He shrugs, “It makes sense. I like you so it would only make sense that I would be jealous if I thought you were dating someone else, plus he will probably want to see that too.”

She’s as red as a strawberry as she sprints away from him without another word, waving at him over her shoulder.

He smiles all the way home, before falling into bed after a much needed warm shower, his toes and fingers were like ice chips when he finally got home.

Remembering one more thing, he grabs his phone shooting a quick text message.

Don’t let him call you nicknames. Only Sujin.

Reading it back he determines that the message is a bit too...commanding and if he wants to keep a certain boot out of his ass he better fix it so he swiftly adds:

Please.

Present time....

“I didn't do anything. She just suddenly started telling me how much you adore me and how you can’t live without me and that I should just forgive you and take you back.” He sniffles dramatically watching amused as Sujin rolls her eyes, before angrily pulling out her phone, he laughs suddenly worried for Jukyeong so he snatches the object from her hands, much to her chagrin.

“I might have exaggerated about what she said, a teeny tiny bit.” He demonstrates the small amount with his fingers and she glares at him biting out, “Liar,” before snatching back her phone and stuffing it in her pockets with a grumble.

Getting serious he turns to look at her with anticipation, “How did it go? Were you able to tell him everything?” She is staring out at the horizon, despite him boring a hole in the side of her head begging for eye contact.

“I hesitated. I lost my confidence.”

He can hear the defeat in her voice and without a pause he opens his mouth to comfort her and tell her how strong she is and explain why this is just a minor setback but next time they can go together and if she needs him to he will hold her hand the entire time and give her every last drop of his support and--

“But then I got a message and it gave me courage. So I told him everything and he agreed to help me. He wants to send my dad to jail, not just emancipate me.”

She did it.

She really did it.

He smiles at her wider than the ocean.

“You did it, Sujin.”

She stares at him in palpable shock, he immediately knows why it’s not often he uses her name and he expects her to be happy that he isn’t calling her the nickname she is always dismissing, she’s always so adamant that she is not a princess much less his princess.

“Don’t call me that.” She says finally turning to meet his eyes and he stares back confused because he had only said her name, why was that a problem? Wasn’t that what she had been trying to get him to call her since the first time he dubbed her princess?

“What do you want me to call you then?”

He is truly asking but the look she gives him makes him feel like the dunce in the corner of the room and realization unfurls in his body like a slow moving tsunami and he smiles unbridled at the epiphany.

He hasn’t wanted to get his hopes up by making assumptions about what this is but maybe it’s time that he have some confidence now, he was someone important to her. She had already proved that in so many ways these past days.

Taking her hand in his, he smiles brightly at her.

It’s the first time that he has held her hand, and he can feel the damaged skin in his own smoother hand. His heart aches for only a moment, her hands are just like her they might look bruised and pitiful at first glance but beneath the broken surface lurked unimaginable strength and power and just like the rest of her, they were imperfectly perfect. He never wanted to hold another hand, this was the only one he needed.

“Good job, you did it Princess.”

She smiles up at him, looking gorgeous-heart stoppingly so-and he can’t help the way his chest constricts as if he didn’t know it already he knows it now unequivocally .

He, Han Seojun belongs to Kang Sujin.

#true beauty #bmtl #han seojun #kang sujin #extraordinary you crossover #baekyung #lots of povs #another rollercoaster chapter #junjin #true beauty fix it #true beauty kdrama #I had mini heart attacks writing this

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whump-tr0pes · 4 years ago

Note

I need to gush about Honor Bound for a bit, I apologize for how long this might get, but I figured it can’t be too wrong to show gratitude for something you hold dear! I found Honor Bound through the “Bleeding through the Bandages” chapter in book 4. I got into whump around that time, mainly as a coping mechanism for my own pain, and I saw that chapter pop up on my dashboard and I didn’t really consider it was part of a bigger story and I needed a distraction so I was like, might as well. And then it ended up being the best depiction of what I was feeling that I’ve ever read; not just the pain, but the frustration, and the exhaustion, and the mind-numbing boredom shown in other chapters too. I read the previous chapters of book 4 and then decided I wanted Context and also More Sam and then I read the first three books in two days. And then I reread them all in one day because I needed to reprocess the journey that was. And then I reread all of them again with book 4 when it finished, and then religiously followed book 5 through the worst time I’ve ever had, and reread the previous books multiple times as 5 was updating as well. Needless to say it quickly became my comfort series, and on multiple occasions waiting for a new chapters was one of those little joys that kept me going. I am so, so thankful I found it when I did. The Honor Bound family is like no other found family, at least to me. All of them are such complex individuals, but their interpersonal relationships are just so deep and meaningful and each is so incredibly unique, I could honestly write essays upon essays analyzing each one. And the way you connect everything and weave tropes into the overarching plot is just Insane, it’s truly like you’re… retelling a story that actually happened, you know? Like these are real people and real stories. Because I can’t com prehend how you come up with some of this stuff. And there are so, so many “cinematic” moments that are just. So raw and hard-hitting and just stay with you. Big and small moments alike. The Ryan reveal, Joseph Stormbeck’s death (best death scene ever by the way?? I’ve told everyone I know about it when I read it I was absolutely in Awe. Never recovering from that), every moment between Sam and Isaac (I also have a sibling who I’m not technically related to by blood but would like, probably die for, so I just really appreciated everything about them and we need more stories like theirs) (and also every time Sam called Isaac out. Good for them), Sam talking Gavin through his caning holy shit that was a religious moment, Gray’s slowburn adoption of Gavin and when Gavin decided he wanted to be a Uriah (and how his initial thought to getting asked what he wants to be called was “Moore”. And then he was like “Well fuck.” Love that dumbass), just every single thing Finn ever did for the family, Finn and Ellis and Gavin’s monologue about giving Finn a concussion (!! chills!!) and their reunion after Coleen, Vera and Tori and the Work Song scene??, Vera and Tori lowkey adopting Edrissa and Edrissa’s character development and her rants about pretty things and her and Sam and Zachariah’s adorable Young Love that made me so giddy right along with them and Sam and Zachariah’s meet-ugly (I mean it was kinda sweet), Gray being the parental figure we all needed, and Nata and Zelda and Nata helping Sam (and now Gavin!!) and Vera being so proud of her puppy. Also, Isaac and Gavin’s relationship…Insane. The most dramatic enemies to lovers and I love them for it. Invented love. It’s so crazy to read the beginning and see how far everyone’s come and think about everything that has happened from that one Whumptober prompt. It’s a lot but it also makes so, so much sense. I can’t imagine a version where Isaac and Gavin aren’t together in some way (and since I started out of order, when I realized it was a enemies to lovers I was really excited to see how all of that happened. Especially after reading the first book, because it (1/2)

(2/2) was like, how the hell are they gonna get from point A to point B. No way those are the same characters, how is this ever going to get justified? And then Gavin ended up having the best character development Ever, and I love that, I love that he had to work for it and that we as the readers have to work to love him too, because it pays off). And now the ending of book 5! Oh God. On that note, you’re so good at writing villains; making them human and also absolutely detestable and killing them off in the most satisfactory way tailored to them. There was never a point after a major arc where I thought “oh, I wish this had happened instead of x, I wish this had gone this way instead”. Also, to go back on the topic of pain (physical and mental both)! The way everyone copes with it differently, it’s the same thing but it’s unique to the person dealing with it and that’s so clear in your characters, and I also love, love how you made a point of showing how pain changes people because that’s something that I find so often gets ignored, whether voluntarily or not, even in whump. But, yeah, pain definitely changes people. And that’s not always bad, and it’s not always drastic, but it happens and it’s not a shameful thing. Everyone breaks. And HB made me believe that I was allowed to break, and that it’s still possible to live a life you think is worth it. And I won’t even get into how much it’d taught me about friendship and family and how it made me reflect on my own relationships with my loved ones (especially Isaac’s perspective, oh God). It’s just such a rewarding journey. That’s the best word to describe it, I think. And this latest chapter: “The sun shone brightly on the hood of the car, so bright Isaac almost had to close his eyes. The wind moved through the trees that swayed on either side of the lane. Isaac rolled his window down, and he could hear the birds calling to each other, and the sound of the wind rustling the long grasses that smelled so green. With each heartbeat, Gavin relaxed in his arms, his head falling against Isaac’s shoulder, his breaths becoming deep and slow again. A tear rolled down Isaac’s cheek, and he hid his smile against Gavin’s hair.” That image. It’s so vivid and visceral. It gives me the exact same feeling as spring after a long winter (which is…super fitting, actually). It’s that moment of pure contentedness when you realize it’d all been worth it. I don’t know, it just really, really struck me, and I’m so glad the book ended on that note. Despite knowing more hurt awaits, even that feels okay, because happiness will always find a way to seep through. And God, do they deserve that! It’s gonna be heartbreaking when their story ends, but I also know it’s gonna feel right. Like a peaceful retirement. Just, thank you for sharing this world with us, Athena. I hope you’re aware how meaningful this story is to so many of us. And being able to follow it in real-time and hear your inputs and chat about the characters and scream in the comments and reblogs is such a privilege (and being able to read it for free at all? Five books (six counting Vera)! For free! Though I will be getting books 1 and 2 soon hopefully actually). I cannot wait for book 6 and I Will be crying about book 5 until then (and long afterwards, most likely). And I wish you all the best in everything you take on next.<3

Wow, I... wow. I had to set down my phone and just sit in silence after I read this. I’m just... so humbled and amazed that you were able to connect so much with the story and the characters. I’m so glad that you saw something of yourself, and that you were able to find comfort in it. I find comfort in them, too, just knowing that the characters are there when I need to write them.

It’s important to me for things to turn out ‘right.’ That’s part of why I write whump: the bad guys can be defeated, the good guys emerge safe, and love prevails. Writing Isaac and Gavin’s love story was absolutely the biggest surprise for me, it really did feel like I was the last to know. But I treasure them both so much and I love writing them. The family is so fun to explore, with each relationship being so different from the other. I’ve poured so much of myself into this story and into every single one of the characters.

Book 6 is going to be such a challenge. It’s the last book in the series, and the one that’ll (hopefully) tie everything together. I’m giving myself a little break, but I’m also a little scared to start it because once I start it, then each chapter will be closer to the end, and then it’ll be over. I have a few more things in store for the family but at the end, I hope they’re safe, happy, and together. These characters mean more to me than I can say and I’m so happy I’ll have you with me along the way.

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sukirichi · 3 years ago

Text

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ]

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ]

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ]

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them.

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !!

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #besties #series ( broken records )#tw: physical assault #tw: toxic #tw: toxic relationships #tw: adultery

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ieattaperecorders · 4 years ago

Text

Notes on Causality - Chapter 2: Georgie and Elias

An addendum to Something's Different About You Lately. Small scenes of Jon attempting to change the future that I didn't want to put in the larger fanfic.

The events of this chapter take place around the end of Chapter 8, Stranger.

(Incidentally, the main fic will be updated very soon. I'm mainly just holding off till the finale drops, in case whatever happens makes me want to tweak anything mood-wise in what I have planned.)

Read on Ao3

- - -

One ring. Another. Then another. Maybe she wouldn't pick up, Jon thought, drumming his fingers on the desk. Maybe it would go to voicemail . . . he could hang up, try again later. Take a little time to mentally rehearse what he would say.

A click, and her voice asked, "hello?"

"Georgie . . . it's Jon Sims, from Oxford?"

"Jon? Hey, been a while! How've you been?"

"Ah – good? I've been good," he lied. "Yourself?"

"Oh, not bad. Got a new roommate since you last saw me . . . he lays around the apartment all day and won't share the rent, but he's cute so I let it slide."

"Good to hear that your landlord is cat-friendly."

"You should hear him, he has the loudest little meow. Hang on, I'll if he'll say hello . . . ."

For a moment and he heard some vague coaxing noises, distant as if she was holding her phone away from herself. They were followed by a close-up, disinterested sniff, then Georgie's voice returned.

"Ah, never mind. Not in the mood, I guess."

"I've heard the Admiral's color commentary before," he smiled. "He's in all your mailbag episodes."

"Didn't know you were a listener."

"Well, I need something for the commute . . . it might as well be the UK's most onomatopoeic source of paranormal research."

"Ha. Knew you'd hate the sound effects."

"I don't hate them. Anyway, they're . . . distinctive," he leaned back in his office chair, the nerves he'd built up slowly dissipating as they fell into the rhythm of conversation. "They're very you."

"Classic Barker." There was movement in the background, and a few soft thuds. Likely the Admiral jumping to the floor. "Well from what I hear, we're in the same field. Aren't you working for the Magnus Institute now? You must hear plenty of ghost stories there."

"That's actually sort of why I called. I think we might have a mutual colleague . . . Melanie King?"

"Yeah, she's the one who told me you were there," she said knowingly. "Sounded like you left a hell of an impression on her."

". . . Not a good one, I imagine."

Georgie made a non-committal sound, being decent enough not to rub it in by overtly agreeing with him.

"I was trying to be helpful, but I think I just came off as dismissive. Ended up arguing with her over nothing," he sighed. ". . . Classic Sims."

"Accept no substitutes," Georgie said fondly. "So, what's the call about? If you want me to try smoothing things over with her –"

"It isn't that. Did she tell you about her experience?"

"Not really. Asked a lot about Sarah – she's a sound tech I recommended to her? Got the impression she'd been unreliable. She was nice about it, Melanie that is, but really evasive. I just assumed she's caught onto something interesting and wants to be the first to report on it. The risks of being friends with competition, I suppose."

"Ah. . . ."

"Not that she has anything to worry about. Climbing fences and squatting in abandoned churches is her thing. I'm all about doing research from my computer desk with a cup of tea, personally," she paused, and he heard a distant clink of ceramic. "Hey, are we even allowed to talk about this? Isn't there some sort of confidentially thing?"

"As it turns out, privacy isn't really something this place values," he muttered, "I don't suppose she's talked to you recently?"

"No . . . not for a couple of months."

"I'm concerned. Her experience left a powerful impact on her. Now she's chasing after anything that might bring her closer to what she encountered, and I'm afraid she doesn't care about the cost. She's going into some dangerous territory. And, well . . . it's not my place to judge her emotional state. But I am worried."

"Yeah . . . I saw the memes," he heard a frown enter Georgie's voice.

"I've tried to talk to her about it, a bit. But she and I always seem to push each other's buttons somehow. I'd be grateful if you looked in on her. I think that she could use a friend right now, and –" he smirked. "I happen to know you're good with obsessive types too stubborn for their own well-being."

"Ha. You trying to set me up or something?"

"Wh–" he started, taken aback. "I mean, well, that's really your business, not mine."

". . . Wait. I was joking, but are you really?" There was utter incredulity in her voice. "Jonathan Sims, did you call me out of the blue to set me up with someone I knew before you did?"

"Of – Georgie I don't even know if you're single, don't be ridiculous," he sputtered, feeling blood rise to his face. She laughed, and the uncomfortable heat spread.

"Okay, okay," she said. "I'm just giving you a hard time."

"I just . . . " he spoke slowly, trying to be precise. "I think that Melanie needs someone else around her right now. Someone grounding. If you're not looking to take that on, I understand, of course. But for whatever it might be worth, I would be grateful if you checked in."

"I'll give her a ring," something in Georgie's voice was familiar, and profoundly comforting. "See if she wants to get coffee and talk spooky-shop."

"I think that might do her a world of good," he said with relief

"Also? We should get coffee sometime too, catch up! I want to hear all the creepy stories you're apparently so free to talk about."

"Really, it's mostly drug experiences and conspiracy theories . . . ."

"Even better, I'll get to hear you complain. Then I'll be entitled gripe to you about all the weird emails I get. It'll be perfect."

Jon wanted to say yes. He really, really did. The thought of sitting down for a few hours with Georgie and talking about nothing particularly dire was a nice one. But he could only bring trouble to her door.

"I'd . . . like that," he said, "But I don't have much time to myself right now . . . maybe after everything calms down."

". . . Sure," she sounded a little disappointed. Georgie could always tell when he was brushing her off. "Some other time. Hope you can get some rest, then."

"I'll do my best."

"And thanks for the heads-up about Melanie. Really," the smile in her voice was back. "Don't be a stranger, huh?"

"Right," he smiled back, hoping she could hear it. "Ah. Goodbye, then."

"Bye."

He stared at the screen of his phone, not sure what to name the feeling in his chest. In his mind's eye, he saw her form vanishing down a long white corridor, and he knew she would have made this choice herself, eventually. He was just respecting that. Speeding things along.

"Trying to set her up . . . honestly," he muttered.

What he'd said about Melanie needing someone to talk to had been true. He was hoping Georgie's influence could nudge her away from the path she was on, one that had its natural end in blood and pain and the drumming of war. It was hardly his fault if he knew that particular matchmaking arrangement had already worked out once.

The call had barely ended for a minute before his phone vibrated with an email notification. He opened it, frowning when he saw who it was from.

Jon,

See me in my office at your earliest convenience.

Also, in the future please remember not to make personal calls during work hours.

- Elias

It was the most direct contact he'd had with Elias in months. Aside from a few institute-wide emails, there had been nothing since their conversation about the recordings. Jon hadn't even run into him in the hall. At least on the surface, he'd stuck to his promise to involve himself less directly. Not that Jon imagined Elias was truly keeping his distance, but he had begun to get comfortable with not having to see or talk to him. He dreaded the idea of going up there and actually breaking the silence.

That comment about personal calls irked him, too. He was taunting him. Going right up to the edge of admitting he'd been watching while giving himself just a little deniability.

He could ignore it, of course. Why should he do anything Elias asked him to, however small? Why should he make any part of his life easier? But that wasn't a smart attitude, he knew. Elias was keeping his distance for now, but if he saw Jon as too troublesome things would escalate. It would be foolish to bring that moment any closer by antagonizing him over nothing.

Jon still remembered the comment he'd made when they last spoke – I'm sure one of your assistants would be up to the task. If it came down to it, Elias knew exactly whose throats to hold the knife against.

With a distinct lack of pleasure, he climbed the stairs out of the archive.

Despite his mood he smiled at Rosie, tried to seem friendly as he greeted her. The words insecure and aggressive had a tendency to turn over in his mind when he saw her lately. He was earnestly hoping to be easier to talk to, but fairly sure he just came off as awkward. At least she was friendly with him. But then, she'd always been.

She said he was expected and should go right inside.

Elias was at his desk, writing on something hidden inside a folder. He glanced up and nodded as he entered.

"Ah, Jon. Sit down, I'll just be a moment."

As he took a seat and waited, Jon couldn't quite banish the idea that the folder was just a prop. A way to make whoever he'd called in wait, to make it absolutely clear how much more valuable his time was than theirs. Or perhaps to give them time to stew, to sit in anxiety and worry. Then again, maybe Elias really did have paperwork that needed doing, and the fact that it was absolutely, positively maddening to sit there in silence and watch him was only a bonus to it all. Eventually, he finished.

"It's been a while since we've checked in, hasn't it?" he paused just long enough for Jon to wonder if he was supposed to respond, then continued. "I'd like to hear your version of how the last few months have gone. What sort of progress you feel you've made, etcetera."

Oh, God. Was he actually expecting Jon to keep up the pretense of doing actual archival work? He hadn't been prepared for that at all, and felt preemptively exhausted at the thought of coming up with some nonsense progress report.

"Well. . . as you know, Gertrude left the archives in a state of serious disorganization, so progress has been hindered by that," he tried to remember what projects he'd put the others on to keep them all going with a token show of work. "I've set aside a section for discredited statements, which has been steadily growing. I imagine . . . it will make things more efficient for researchers in the future? And, uh . . . ."

"Let me stop you there," Elias said, holding up a hand.

Please do, Jon thought, relieved he wouldn't be subjecting them both to several minutes of this. Elias leaned forward and looked at him seriously.

"Have I done something to offend you, Jon?"

The question took him by surprise, to the point where he had to bite back a sarcastic laugh. What hadn't he done? "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Really. Because it seems to me that I've be extremely generous to you," that familiar tone of disapproval, of bland impatience. "I've given you a unique opportunity, allowed you free reign in setting your own priorities, and you still seem determined to resent me."

Fleetingly, Jon wondered if the elaborately decorated letter opener on the desk between them was sturdy enough to sink into Elias's chest without snapping. Not worth it, either way. Not with what it would cost.

"I . . . apologize if I've created that impression," he said evenly. "I've been told that I can be standoffish in my manner."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Elias smirked. "Though ‘standoffish' is a great deal more polite than the words people actually favor. Isn't it?"

Jon tried not to look away, tried and failed to meet Elias's eyes. Perhaps his inability to maintain eye contact with a conduit of the Beholding spoke well for his remaining humanity, but it still twisted in him. Made him feel weak.

"Are we done here?" he asked, voice tight.

Elias sighed, as if all of this was such a burden to him, as if he wasn't basking in the anxiety that Jon knew must be radiating off of him like heat.

"What was it you said to Martin . . . about discarding the facade once it stopped being useful?" That startled Jon enough to look back, to see the condescending smile on Elias's face as he continued. "Maybe you ought to do the same."

He stared, suddenly voiceless, heart pounding. This was it . . . should he be relieved or terrified?

"I've been where you are now, Jon." Elias continued. His voice was stern, with only the barest concession to false sympathy. "Trapped in a world that no longer makes sense, surrounded by malevolent forces, seeing enemies everywhere. And I can tell you that the only way to survive in this world is to recognize what resources you have."

". . . Resources."

"Yes, if you could just get past this irrational distrust you seem to have of me. I can't hold your hand through everything. But if you have questions . . . I might be able to give you some answers."

Answers? That would make a change from before, Jon thought bitterly. The Elias he remembered used misdirection, contempt and sometimes flat refusal to avoid giving Jon any information he could hope to use. Unfortunately there was only one question Jon really had for him anymore, and it was one he couldn't ask: how much do you know?

. . . Did Elias have that same question for him? It would explain why he was directly inviting him to ask about his situation.

Jon paused. He had to be smart about this. If Elias had sat him down like this before, he'd have wanted to know everything. If he didn't seem curious, it might point to how much he already knew, and that would be disastrous. But he also couldn't look too naive . . . he'd made his suspicion clear, already warned the others, he couldn't pretend to know nothing about the Institute's nature.

He tried to think back to when he was only just getting a sense of the way things truly were. What would he have most wanted to understand then?

". . . What happens to me," he asked quietly. "When I read statements? The real ones. You know what I mean. I can feel something happening, I know it's not just reading."

"The answer to that is rather complicated . . . ."

"Are you going to give it to me?"

"It would help if I understood what you already knew. How much did Gertrude tell you about the nature of this place? The Institute?"

"Enough to know I can't trust it," he glared across the desk. "And maybe the reason I don't trust you is because you're constantly peering over my shoulder."

"You must have some sense by now of the dangers the Institute attracts," Elias raised his eyebrows. "Can you really blame me for wanting to keep tabs on everything?"

"Because you ‘keeping tabs' was so helpful when I was pulled into those hallways for weeks."

"You opened the door of your own free will. I do what I can but I can hardly be expected to protect you from yourself."

"You're the reason I'm here in the first place! You've been--"

Jon cut himself off, he could feel himself beginning to shout, losing control of himself and it was stupid, so stupid. What was the point in arguing with him? Jonah Magnus knew exactly what he was doing, he wasn't going to be shamed about it.

"It doesn't matter," he said, trying to gather himself back to a neutral tone. "Can't change the past."

". . . For what it's worth, Jon, I do sympathize," Elias said, folding his hands. "Someone has to be the Archivist. You were just the best option available."

Why had he thought he could play along with this? As if he'd really be able to sit there, feign ignorance and draw information out of a man who'd been doing that exact thing to others for centuries. He wasn't going to beat him at his own game . . . far more likely he'd let something slip out of anger that would get somebody killed.

He pushed his chair back and stood, turning towards the door.

"I'll find my own answers," he said.

* * *

The door slammed shut, loud enough to echo. Jonah supposed he was going to have to get used to outbursts like these.

"I expect that you will," he muttered to the closed door.

Blind spots. He didn't like blind spots. Sometimes they were unavoidable, but having one so near to him was profoundly irritating. It was like knowing he'd forgotten something important, but being unable to dredge up any details.

He could watch Jon as easily as anyone else. Though there were moments his gaze would unfocus, and he suspected Gertrude might have taught him a few of her tricks, overall it wasn't hard to keep an eye on him. But lately, that was all he could do. No matter how he tried, he couldn't Know anything deeper than what appeared on the surface. He might as well have been following the Archivist around with a camera crew rather than channeling the overwhelming power of an Eternal and Unblinking Gaze From Which No Secrets Can Be Kept, for all the good it was doing him.

It was as if the knowledge was all there, but had been shifted somehow. Nudged just outside his field of vision.

A part of him was tempted to start over with another Archivist, one he could See more clearly. But the Web mark was hard to find, and he couldn't even be sure this anomaly was unique to Jon – that it would go away with his death instead of attaching itself to his successor. Despite its frustrating obscurity, something about it that felt like an aspect of the Beholding, though he couldn't say why.

So he'd tolerate the blind spot for now. At least Jon was easy enough to read without the Eye's assistance – the man wore his heart on his sleeve, was helpless in that way. Jonah liked that about him.

What he needed was encouragement. Something to get him out of his comfort zone – four marks was progress, but not fast enough, not with the Unknowing looming closer every day. Jonah wrote a quick note on a post-it and stuck it to the folder in front of him, then pressed a button on his intercom.

"Rosie?" he said, "I need you to run something down to the archive for me. Just drop it on Tim's desk, he'll know what it's for."

#tma fanfic #tma time travel au #sdayl

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sankyeom · 4 years ago

Text

belle’s 2020 tumblr wrap up

i almost didn’t make one of these because i lost my laptop charger on my flight home to california and i didn’t want to type this out on my phone but after being tagged in so many people’s wonderful end-of-year messages (thank you @sunlightwoo @heartyyjeno @atbzkingdom @chaoticdeobi @xfirebenderx @fairyoftbz and for including me thus far 💗) i decided i had to join this beautiful love fest and end the year on a good note!

m i l e s t o n e s (personal and for the blog) ✨

◇ on february 17th 2020 i started stanning (and eventually ulting) the boyz! ↳ this is important because i had been listening to the boyz’s music since no air era, but never watched their videos or learned the members’ names. after stanning the boyz, i was introduced to my beautiful deobiblr, which is such a warm and welcoming community. i met most of treasured mutuals through this community and honestly don’t know what i’d do without it!

◇ on april 23rd 2020 i reached 1,000 followers on my blog! ↳ this was very special to me because i have previously reached 1k followers on many different platforms (quotev.com, wattpad, a different tumblr blog, etc.) but after not writing for a long time i was worried people wouldn’t like my writing anymore or that i wouldn’t be good at it after taking a break. reaching this number was surreal for me and it made me realise that i wanted to study creative writing in university, which i am now doing!

◇ on may 30th 2020 i graduated high school! ↳ i graduated with honours and a 4.0 along with a lot of life-long friends that i had made in the two years i spent at my competitive, college-prep private school. i faced a lot of hardships but eventually got through it and i am a better person for it. congratulations to all the graduates who didn’t get the graduation they all dreamed of, you did something spectacular this year!

◇ on august 24th 2020 i started university as a creative writing major! ↳ 2020 was a crazy year for everyone and it made picking which uni to go to really hard, but there was one uni in particular that loved my admissions essay and wrote to me personally saying they would love to have me in their creative writing program, which really touched me and interested me in this uni. i’ve always been someone who finds academics really important so i had gotten multiple scholarship offers from different “higher ranking” universities, but i was able to learn what was important to me in picking a school that would both foster my learning and make me feel at home.

◇ on september 21st 2020 i got my first ever B on a test! ↳ and i was really happy about it. in high school i strived to get 100% on every test and would have panic attacks when i got even a single point off. i wish i was joking, but that’s the truth. i’ve always been a perfectionist and i wanted to have a more healthy relationship with my personal expectations in university. being in uni helped me to pace myself academically and learn to juggle doing fun things – like this lovely blog – alongside studying. i still managed to get all As in my final grades for this semester, but i really loved letting myself get Bs and take breaks.

◇ on october 18th 2020 i reached 2,000 followers on my blog! ↳ if you read how important reaching 1k to me was, you can probably guess how amazing and emotional this was for me. not only did i have enough followers to fill three of my high schools, but i had made a lot of friends at this point, and that was so special to me. i had also never done a special series to celebrate a milestone, and as i stand here on december 31st with 2,457 followers, i have yet to finish my 2k celebration due to taking a short break from writing. don’t worry though, it’s all coming very soon!

◇ on november 29th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a masterlist! ↳ facade? was my first social media au masterlist to reach 1,000 notes and when that happened, it truly blew my mind. i have no words to describe how special that moment was for me. a lot of people loved it because they resonated with the main character or because they found all the plot twists fun, and i really love that so many people enjoyed it and gave it a chance, despite the general plot being quite common.

◇ on december 7th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a fic! ↳ he loves me, he loves me not was my first one shot/fic to reach 1,000 notes and my second fic ever to reach 1k notes, which was literally crazy. so many people have reached out to me about that fic and how much it resonated with them and their experiences, and i just loved that this was the first written fic i ever had reach 1k notes because of the emotional implications.

m u t u a l s 💛

i have so much love and appreciation for you all, it’s unreal. i’m a very shy, often times insecure, and quiet person so i have a hard time reaching out to people. this means that minimal interactions actually mean a lot to me, so please never think that i don’t love or support you guys just because i’m a little quiet. that being said, here are some mutuals who i have gotten to know better in 2020 and a little love letter for you each 💌

@xfirebenderx

💌 nani, you were one of my very first mutuals here on tumblr back when i ulted seventeen and literally never spoke to anyone or interacted with people other than the few anons in my inbox. you made me feel comfortable and welcome here on tumblr, and i’ve always seen you like an older sister figure because of that. your enthusiasm and support are often times unparalleled because you never hold back anything and i am in awe of how lovely you are. thank you for having my back this year and making me feel so supported! 🌟

@chaoticdeobi

💌 bea, you’re such a ray of sunshine and brightness in my life and on my dash, i’m in awe of how much of a social butterfly you are! you were one of the reasons i started writing for the boyz because i felt excited when i read your fics and i was extremely impressed with how immersive your writing was (and still is!). aside from your amazing writing abilities, you’re truly someone who i feel comfortable with even though we haven’t spoken that much privately, and you have an amazing gift of making people feel accepted and at home. thank you for being a wonderful brightness in my life this year! 🌼

@heartyyjeno

💌 alesha, i’ve said this to you many times before but i truly treasure you as a person and as a friend. you are without a doubt one of the most supportive and uplifting people that i’ve met on tumblr, and i can always rely on you to make me feel like i’m loved and a good writer, especially on days where i feel like i’m neither. i know that 2020 has been a struggle for you and i wish i could have done more to support you, so i hope you take this love letter as evidence of how loved you are and how much i cherish you as a person and as a friend. thank you for being my rock this year! 🌷

@httpsohnpouts

💌 rosie, you are someone who is very dear to me and i always feel so lucky to be your friend! we’ve spoken quite a bit this year and i loved getting to know you and finding out we stan/ult so many of the same groups! i loved gushing over dark haired eric, seunghoon from cix, and blackpink’s comebacks with you this year so much because it made me feel much closer to you! you’re always one of the first people i send love chains to on tumblr and i just really appreciate your lovely energy every time we interact. thank you for being a caring friend for me this year! 🌹

@stealerz

💌 qiu, first of all your url change is absolutely adorable and i’m a huge fan. second of all, your writing is so stunning and it was also another reason why i wanted to start writing for the boyz this year! you’re somebody who i often see on my dash and try to interact with, and it always feels a little surreal when you gush over my writing because i look up to you in that sense. you are such a lovely friend who i don’t talk to very often because i’m shy, but i feel like you’re always around to remind me that you support me and just make me feel loved here on tumblr. thank you for being an inspiration to me and sending me so many cheerful love chains on tumblr this year! 🌻

@neoskidz (i wasn’t sure which of your blogs to tag so i’ll add @chocolattees just in case)

💌 elsie, i always feel undeserving of your hype and excitement when you comment on my fics or leave me lovely asks in my inbox to sing my (absolutely undeserving) praises. you’re someone who seems very bright and warm-hearted so i always feel comfortable around you, and i only wish i could have praised you and given you as much love as you did for me in 2020. i love when you randomly pop up in my inbox and i love to hear about how you’re doing because i feel like it’s the least i can do to show you that i support you and am always interested to hear what you’re up to! thank you for reminding me that friends can come from anywhere and for always being so compassionate this year! 💐

@deobienthusiast

💌 k, i always look forward to when you reach the latest chapter of my social media fics because i’m always living to hear your reactions to them! i always feel so lucky that you interact with me and reach out so much because i’m shy and it makes it a lot easier for me to talk to you and actually get to know you. i love that we stan so many of the same groups and can always gush about cix and the boyz together, especially when we tag each other under any posts that have to do with blond baejin. you are honestly someone who i feel very relaxed with because we talk so often and have so many of the same interests, i really appreciate your presence in my life. thank you for being someone who i can talk to about my fics and all of our bias wreckers this year! 🌈

@atbzkingdom

💌 dee, i’ve said this before but you’re a literal ray of sunshine to me and you warm me up like the sun with all of our interactions. i always love to hear your comments about my fics because you never hold back and always unleash so much excitement onto me that i can’t help but reciprocate and allow myself to get super hype and happy. you have an ability to make me open up and actually feel excited about my friendships here on tumblr and my own writing, which can be really hard for me sometimes. i’m blessed that you look up to me and i have to say that i absolutely look up to you as well, in more ways than just your writing! thank you for being my personal hype-man and helping me come out of my shell this year! ✨

@lsangyeons

💌 yu, i think you are seriously so damn talented it’s actually unbelievable. not only are you an amazing writer but your designs, sketches and other amazing works of art are just so inspiring and i find it incredible that you’re so multifaceted. you’re always someone who i think very genuinely wants to know how i’m doing and is always ready to catch up and share what you’re working on with me, and i find that really illuminating and fun because you’re so talented. thank you for reaching out to me so often and making me feel comforted this year! ❄️

@fairyoftbz

💌 rosy, i am totally kicking myself right now for not reaching out as often as i wanted to because i feel like we get along well and we could be really close if i wasn’t so shy and bad at keeping up with my asks/mentions. i think you’re a lovely person and i’ve felt so fortunate to have gotten to know you better this year. as i mentioned before, you’re a very thoughtful person and i look forward to getting to know you better in 2021! thank you for being a supportive friend to me this year! 🪐

@sunlightwoo

💌 gina, i adore you, and that’s the absolute truth. i’ve been so happy that we were able to connect this year and become friends because you are a fiercely supportive and lovely mutual to have. i have to thank the kpop gods for getting you to start standing the boyz so we could meet and be friends after all this time. i love how you yell and gush about my fics because it makes me feel like i’m actually writing something people like and not just rubbish that i come up with in my head, and you make me feel grounded and supported, which i can only hope to reciprocate just as enthusiastically to you! thank you for being a fiercly kind and supportive friend to me this year! 🌠

here are some people who i haven’t interacted with much (because, like i’ve said, i’m terribly shy and don’t interact with people much in general (feel free to reach out though i would love to chat 🥺)) but still wanted to mention! i love and appreciate you all for replying to my posts, recommending my fics or just posting really amazing content here on tumblr for us all to enjoy, and that i’d love to get to know you better in 2021!! @1ovejisung @jenoleeaesthetic @thepixelelf @honeycobie @tbzwurld @meltingjukyu @mae-gi-writes if i’ve forgotten everyone i’m terribly sorry but also very jetlagged and bad at keeping track of my friends xx

a n o n s 🦋

i’m grateful to everyone who joined my anon list this year and i’ve genuinely enjoyed all of our interactions so much! i wanted to give a short thank you to a few specific anons but i also love my other anons, 🐝 anon, 🧸 anon, 💫 anon, 🦋 anon, 🥯 anon, 🍇 anon, 🌜 anon, 💒 anon, and 🦕 anon a lot and appreciate you all! thank you for joining my anon list and i hope we can continue to get to know each other in 2021!

🤍 anon 💌 you always check on me and ask me how i’m doing, and i feel so comfortable around you it’s like talking to a friend. we always talk about anything and everything and i appreciate that you’ve been such a constant in my life this year!

🌱 anon 💌 my sweet deobi 🌱 anon! i love gushing about the boyz and my social media fics with you, it’s always so fun to see how passionate you are and it’s honestly everything to me.

🐹 anon 💌 you really feel like a sibling or a friend to me because you’re always telling me to take care of myself and encouraging me to take breaks and be happy. i want everything that you encouraged me to do for you as well and i hope that you take care of yourself and stay healthy/safe!

🐱 anon 💌 literally the absolutely king/queen of getting involved in my fics and gushing to me about how every chapter made you feel. i love seeing your responses and i’m always so touched when you leave me simple messages telling me to have a good weekend or asking me to be your friend. we are absolutely, 100% friends my love!

🔮 anon 💌 you’re my most recent anon but i feel like we’ve known each other forever now! we talk quite often and i always love it when i see the little 🔮 emoji in my inbox because i love how enthusiastic and understanding you are. thank you for deciding to join my anon list so we could become closer!

f o l l o w e r s a n d r e a d e r s 💘

i doubt that all 2,457 of my followers are going to see this, but i’m going to write this as if you all will anyway. thank you for being here and for caring about my content enough to hit the follow button. numbers don’t mean much and are quite arbitrary, but i still think that it’s amazing that there are 2,457 of you cuties who put up with me. to those of you who don’t follow me but read my fics/like and reblog my posts, thank you. i personally see those things as small praises and/or appreciations for my efforts and i wish i could tag you all here to tell you that i love and appreciate you, but tumblr won’t let me and i think most of you wouldn’t want that either. i couldn’t make a love letter to the people that shaped my 2020 without addressing all of you, so i hope that some of you decided to give this a read. i appreciate you and i want you here, healthy, and safe on this planet. please take care of yourselves as i would love to take care of you. x

#babbles #belle's babbles #magical mutuals ✨#wrap up #2020 wrap up

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simplyshelbs16xoxo · 4 years ago

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‘This Love Came Back to Me’ Chapter 8: I Still Burn For You

Ao3 | Buy Me a Coffee?

Molly had gone ahead of him to set her mind to rights, walking toward the beach and sitting herself down at the edge where the ocean met the shore. She slipped off her flats and buried her toes in the sand, appreciating the cool feel of the water on her skin. It didn’t take long for Sherlock to catch up, sitting himself down beside her. She could feel his eyes on her as she looked out over the ocean. Silently, she searched for and found his hand, lacing her fingers through his. “I’m really afraid right now,” she confessed, feeling the two long years of heartache between them, “but I’m more afraid of losing you. I was always afraid of it.”

Blowing out a breath he had been holding, Sherlock raked his free hand through his windswept curls. “Then why did you leave? Why didn’t you just talk to me? All I’ve done is constantly comb over every single detail of our time together, and I could never figure out what I did wrong. I tried so hard to forget you. Of course, I could never do such a thing.” Though a voice that sounded like his brother protested against it, Sherlock gave up control of his emotions and just let them be. This would be the most important conversation he’d ever take part in and he needed to feel it all.

She turned to look at him, inching closer. “You did nothing wrong, Sherlock. I had never been so happy, but I was equally afraid. I had doubts. I spent most of those six months waiting for the other shoe to drop. I never wanted us to end, and stupidly, I was the one to fulfill that fear.” Molly bit her lip, unsure if she should go any further. She would have left it at that, but he continued to question her.

“What I don’t understand is you felt that way for so long, but it hadn’t been enough to make you leave. What was the catalyst? Was it the wedding?” Sherlock asked. “I know everyone else around us doubted the authenticity of my heart, but I never thought you would. Did someone convince you otherwise?”

And there it was. Molly tried to keep the elder Holmes out of this, but she wouldn’t lie to Sherlock. He deserved the truth no matter how horrible. “Just before the wedding, your brother requested to see me.” She watched as the sickening realisation hit him, his expression stone cold. “Keep in mind, I was already in the mindset that you only believed you loved me, not that you actually did. He felt it was best if I broke it off to save myself the pain from finding you waking up one day to realise you actually weren’t in love with me at all. I thought leaving would be better than to see you come to that conclusion.”

Sherlock laughed in disbelief. “Unbelievable…I can’t believe he’d stoop so low. And that you believed him! Did you not trust me, Molly? Nobody knows me better than you, so how come you were so blind to how I felt?” He allowed himself this moment of raw, aching pain.

A storm was forming in his eyes like a darkened, tumultuous sea. A sharp intake of breath sounded from her when he pulled his hand away from her grasp. “Sherlock…” she cradled his face in her hands. “You’ve been lonely too long, my love. For that, I am so sorry.” His eyes bore into hers, a mixture of love, pain, and fear. Despite that, he didn’t pull away—not when she leaned in and not when her lips finally pressed against his. She tasted of whisky and salt from the tears she cried and he tasted just the same. Long and lingering as the kiss was, it somehow felt quick, over too soon. “I love you, Sherlock. I never stopped. I want to set things right. I just hope you can love me again.”

He wasn’t ready to say the words back even though he wanted to. Instead, he felt it right to make his own apologies. “I’m sorry for how I treated you in London. Not my best moment.” The breath he let out shook like the leaves of a tree on a blustery day. “I need some time, Molly. Not much—just a bit.”

She nodded in understanding. “Does this mean you’re leaving early?”

“No,” he replied, offering a reassuring smile. “I’ll still be here if you need me.”

Molly’s heart ached. She lay down in the sand without a care of it getting into places it shouldn’t be. “I really don’t deserve you.”

He lay back beside her, turning his head toward her. “Don’t say things like that.” Arms open to her in invitation, Sherlock held her close, enjoying the feel of her head on his chest and her body pressed against his. She always fit so well with him like a perfectly placed piece of a puzzle. “You made a mistake, and that makes you human.” He stroked her hair with a gentle touch. “Even I’m human from time to time,” he chuckled.

Molly only closed her eyes for a moment, but soon dozed off to the soothing music of the waves. The emotional toll of the night had caught up in a flash. That, mixed with the comfort of Sherlock’s presence, had made it easy to drift away like a boat on a vast sea. He remained awake, deciding to dive into his mind palace and let her sleep in his arms for a little while.

She refused to open her eyes, shielding them from the sunlight. Molly reached out blindly, still half-asleep, searching for Sherlock. To her dismay, he wasn’t there, and her eyes fluttered open to find herself in her bedroom. She furrowed her brows, unsure of how she had gotten there. The last thing she could remember was being held by him, lying out on the beach together after a particularly grueling conversation. He must have carried her all the way back to her flat, as she was sure she hadn’t woken up to walk back herself.

Molly burrowed deeper beneath her duvet, not quite ready to get out of bed. She couldn’t tell if their conversation last night had made things better or worse for him. Everything had been such a mess for so long, and it damn near killed her to know just how badly she had hurt him. A knock sounded at her door and she groaned, throwing back the covers and slipping out of bed. She shuffled into the sitting room and unlocked the door.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Mary smiled, offering her a fresh cup of coffee, which Molly gratefully accepted.

“Thank you, Mary. Come on in,” Molly told her. She took a sip of her drink before shutting the door. “Sorry I left early last night.”

Mary waved her hand away. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I noticed you left with Sherlock…did you two work things out?”

Her face fell as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Yes and no,” she answered sullenly. Molly worried her bottom lip in an effort to keep it from trembling. “I told him everything. He was distraught, of course, I expected nothing less. I hurt him so much, Mary. I don’t know if we’ll ever truly be okay again. He knows I loved him and that I still do, but he said he needs some space, which I understand completely. And then,” she continued, her voice breaking, “I fell asleep in his arms at the beach. He held me for who knows how long until he carried me back here.”

Setting aside her coffee, Mary went to sit beside her on the sofa, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “It’ll be alright, lovey.” She smoothed back Molly’s hair as she cried. “He’ll come ‘round. It might be a while before he stops being angry about it, but it’ll fade. Did you ever read the letter I gave you?”

Molly swiped at her nose roughly, nodding her head. “Yeah…it was a lot to take in. An assassin? Really?”

“Afraid so,” Mary smiled. “I only bring it up because I had betrayed John by keeping that in the past. Eventually, we got through it. He never knew, and then I shot Sherlock, though not to kill him, just incapacitate—so sorry about that, Molly, I can’t believe you don’t hate me for it.”

Taking a deep breath, Molly turned to her friend. “I get why you did it, and yes, I was fuming when I read it. I waited until I was on the plane back here to do so. Two weeks passed, the anger faded, understanding set in, and then you and John showed up with Sherlock, and I didn’t care to be upset any longer.”

Mary nodded. “Exactly. What I’m trying to say is you two will be fine. The truth is known and everyone can heal now. When Sherlock is ready, I’m sure he won’t hesitate to let you know.”

A chuckle escaped her. Molly knew she was right. Her heart felt lighter having gotten it all out of her system. It may not be any time soon, but they would be okay. She knew that she’d wait the rest of her life if she had to, if only to see him smile.

Sherlock wandered through the winding cobbled streets, his mind filled with thoughts of her. Music could be heard all around, whether it be drifting out from the open pubs or from the talented street musicians. He couldn’t help but notice that Galway was a very warm city. No wonder she had chosen to come here. Last night had been eye-opening, learning of his brother’s involvement, and that Molly didn’t believe his love to be true. The latter is what hurt him the most. He wondered if he should’ve tried harder to convince her, worried that he may have been at fault as well.

Two years were gone just like that—wasted away, and never coming back. He was angry to have lost so much time with her, equally blaming himself for the mess. Maybe if he had just tried to contact her, found out where she had gone, they wouldn’t have had to wait so long. His heart ached and he involuntarily grasped his chest where it hurt. Sherlock couldn’t take the pain, finding a bench to sit down at, having not noticed the kind-faced old woman that sat on the other end.

“Tha’s a broken heart if ever I saw one,” she remarked with empathy.

Sherlock turned his head toward her, a sadness in his eyes. “Am I that obvious?” He wasn’t sure what it was about the woman, but she reminded him of his mother in some ways, and it made him want to open up to her. And he did, scooting closer so she could hear him better over the music. When he finished, he added, “I don’t know where to go from here. Everything is so jumbled.”

She offered him a reassuring smile. “Write her a letter, lay your love within the safety of ink and paper. It will help you sort things out, as well as make a lovely keepsake for Do Ghrá.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, standing up from the bench, “for letting me take up some of your time.” She had been much more helpful than John had been earlier having brought up Mary’s betrayal as an example, but it wasn’t the same thing. That particular situation was much worse than his own.

The woman waved a hand away. “Think nothing of it. I am glad to help. Ádh mór ort.”

Sherlock nodded in acknowledgment of her sentiments, feeling the heaviness of his heart begin to lift as he walked away. He received a text from John, letting him know to meet him at The Skeff in Eyre Square. Mary and Molly were on their way there as well. He smiled at the thought of seeing her, wondering if she’d like to split a platter of fish and chips with him. It was something they had done often at his favourite shop on Marylebone Road.

He arrived just after the girls did, offering Molly a smile as he sat across from her in the booth. Sherlock mentioned his offer of splitting a large fish and chips platter, and she nodded happily in response, warmth emanating from her, enveloping him. “Did you sleep well?”

“For the most part,” she replied quietly. “Thank you for carrying me to bed. You could’ve just woken me.”

He shook his head. “You looked so peaceful—I didn’t want to disturb your slumber.” The memory of gently setting her in bed and tucking her in snugly resurfaced. She had only woken for a moment when he had pressed a kiss to her forehead, but Molly didn’t appear to have remembered it. That was okay, though. It was something he could have for himself.

John and Mary tried their best to not stop their own conversation in order to overhear the words their friends were exchanging. From the looks of it, they were much more at ease around each other, though still a bit hesitant. By the time the food arrived, all four of them were reminiscing over past cases, first meetings, and many other good times shared together. Mary found it adorable that Sherlock and Molly were sharing a platter. They reached for the same chip, both playfully tugging at it, laughing, until he let go of it, allowing her to have it.

So much for needing space, Mary thought with a smirk. He needed Molly just as much as she needed him. It was nice seeing them happy again. And perhaps, before the weekend was over, they’d be on their way back to one another. In fact, from the way their faces were lit up, she was sure they already were.

#sherlolly #this love came back to me #my fanfiction

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rainofashe · 5 years ago

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Da Vinci April 2014 Issue - 10,200-word Interview with Haruichi Furudate

--To wrap up the special feature on Haikyuu!!, we’ll be delivering the words from the very author himself, Haruichi Furudate! How did Haikyuu!!, a series overflowing with the brilliance of youth and sports, come about? What sort of passion did Furudate weave into this series? Conducted in the pockets of time amidst their busy schedule, this is Furudate’s second-ever documented interview -- delivered full-length, sans cuts!

Part 1 - The Miracle of Chapter 1: “Endings & Beginnings”

Early spring, 2012. I heard that a new story centred around volleyball had just started serialising in Weekly Shonen Jump. I was pleasantly surprised after reading the first chapter. The attacker, Hinata and the setter, Kageyama, first met each other in their third year of middle school as opponents during the Inter-Middle School Preliminaries, which cemented their fate as rivals. “If you are the “King” that rules the Court...!!! I’ll defeat you and become the one that stands on the court the longest!!!” “...The one that gets to stay on the court, is the victor...The stronger one. If you want to continue standing here, become stronger.” Despite exchanging such words, the both of them went on to enrol in Miyagi Prefecture’s Karasuno High School for high school and became teammates in the volleyball club. Hinata couldn’t help but exclaim, “Why are you here?!” When foe becomes friend -- in a way, it’s a very Jump-esque development, but it has never happened so early on in the story before! The portrayal of the match was so realistic, it makes you want to continue following these two boys and their story. It was a perfect first chapter to hook readers in. So to begin the interview, we’ve asked a question about the first chapter. Let’s hear directly from the author of Haikyuu!! about the behind-the-scenes of how this story was conceived!

--Q1: Before this serialisation started, what sort of “spirit to challenge” or “ambition” did you have?

Furudate: Volleyball was a theme that I really wanted to work with, so I was only filled with thoughts on writing this story till the end without it being cut short. Personally, volleyball has a special place in my heart, so I might have felt that way much more strongly, but no matter what kind of manga I would’ve started, the feelings I have at the beginning wouldn’t have changed. I would’ve still been scared of having to cut my story short (laughs). Even when I heard that Haikyuu!! would be serialised, rather than feeling the joy of grabbing the opportunity of serialisation, I thought, “So it’s finally the beginning of the ‘ending’...” I’m always surprised by how pessimistic I can be. This would be my first and last chance to be able to write a story about volleyball in Jump, so if I ever lose focus, that would be the end. This positive pressure and negative urgency that I feel hasn’t changed since the serialisation began. However, when I receive letters from readers about how they joined the volleyball club in school after reading Haikyuu!!, or when I go down to watch matches for research and see elementary and middle school students who know of Haikyuu!!, I can see that this manga has become a springboard for many people to start playing volleyball or to continue playing volleyball, and that makes me happy and lifts me out of my pessimistic state. I feel that the genre of the manga, or whether the sport is major or minor, has nothing to do with how successful (or interesting) the story can be.

--Q2: Why did you choose volleyball, out of all the numerous sports? What is the charm of volleyball as a competitive sport?

Furudate: I didn’t want to write a story about sports. I started this series because I wanted to write a story about volleyball. I was a member of the volleyball club when I was student, and especially during my high school days, I only went to school for the sole purpose of playing volleyball. I am still attached and unable to let go of that period of time in my life, so via the medium of manga, I wanted to play a volleyball that would “come to an end once I lose” just once more. Volleyball is a sport where you’re not allowed to hold or drop the ball, so to be honest, it’s a really tough sport. It’s really difficult to feel a sense of accomplishment or to feel that it’s fun. The foundations are especially difficult, and at the beginning, it’s difficult to even get the ball to go where you want it to. In fact, I myself didn’t like volleyball that much at the start. However, it is precisely because of that that got me thinking -- it’s the sense of ease that comes with the act of being able to control the ball freely that makes volleyball such an attractive sport. That’s why, even if it’s boring at the start, I want children to continue to play volleyball.

--Q3: Every single scene depicting a match is portrayed so realistically. For example, how “hands” are expressed. Or how the “sounds” are expressed. Do you often go down to do research?

Furudate: When I went to watch some high school matches for research, I was hit by the familiarity of the atmosphere and the sounds. It refreshed my memory and I thought, “Ah, so this was what it was like!” So I pay particular attention to the atmosphere and sounds while drawing. When I go down to research on tournaments, especially those such as the prefectural qualifiers, I don’t just pay attention to the matches themselves. I also take special note of the atmosphere before a match starts, and what the corridors and lobby are like. In the first match of the Inter-High preliminaries in the manga, there is a scene of complete silence just before the match starts. That scene was directly taken from the qualifiers for Iwate Prefecture, which I went to watch just before drawing it. As for the scenes depicting the actual matches and techniques, I can only say that I still have a long way to go for my drawing skills. I’m still unable to truly convey the beauty of the players’ forms and how cool volleyball is. I’ll work hard.

--Q4: By reading Haikyuu!!, I’ve come to learn that volleyball as a sport and Jump manga are highly compatible (some also say it’s because volleyball is a sport where you have to jump continuously...laughs). And I think that’s because of the sense of comradeship (friendship) in volleyball. Were there any instances where you felt this way?

Furudate: Volleyball is a sport where you can’t drop the ball, but if you connect it to the next player, it’s a game that can continue on forever. I think this characteristic is what makes volleyball a sport that allows for a dramatic showcase of abilities, but now that I think about it, all sports allow for a dramatic showcase of abilities (laughs). If you think about “friendship, hard work and victory”, almost every sport would fit these three terms. However, I do think that for volleyball in particular, the fact that it becomes unplayable without the existence of your teammates is something that stands out. If we talk about the most extreme scenario, it would probably be a single player scoring all 25 points by himself just by serving. But in reality, such a thing happening is close to zero. As long as not all the points are scored with service aces, you definitely have to “entrust” the ball to someone else. If the ball isn’t received, it would be impossible to set it and of course, it would be impossible to spike it. The game wouldn’t even be a game. So if bonds are forged by playing volleyball with someone, at the other end of the spectrum, one would also come to realise the pressure of not being able to do anything by yourself on the court. This is where people would start to butt heads, and I think this aspect of volleyball is what allows us to see the interesting developments and growth in characters. Other than the part about “friendship”, the “rotation” system in volleyball is another factor that can greatly change how interesting the manga can be, depending on how it’s drawn. During a match, every time someone gets to serve, the position of the players shift in a clockwise manner. That is the volleyball rotation. And because of this rotation, all the players except the libero have to be able to receive, block, spike, serve and sometimes even do a set-up. And of course, each player would have different strengths and weaknesses. There is the protagonist, Hinata, who is an exceptional attacker; Tsukishima, who while lacking in attack, is a great blocker; the captain Sawamura, a player balanced in both offense and defense but lacks decisiveness; the ace, Azumane, who has high attack power but a nervous mentality; and Tanaka, who although not the best in either attack or defense, has a rock-hard mentality that allows him to be decisive in stressful situations, and so on. With each player being so different, there would be rotations that would be stronger in defense or offense, and there would be a variety of ways as to how a match can progress, which makes it interesting. The players in the manga have more obvious differences in their personalities because they’re “characters”, which I think would be able to further highlight this interesting aspect of volleyball.

--Q5: Was the title decided smoothly?

Furudate: Because I didn’t really dwell on it, I ended up going with the most “straightforward” title.

--Q6: Round-eyed Hinata is short in stature, but is an attacker with exceptional jumping ability. The setter Kageyama Tobio who frowns and glares, has garnered the nickname, the King of the Court. Their appearances and personalities (as well as their names) are polar opposites. How did you come up with these two characters?

Furudate: I had the most trouble with finalising Hinata’s character within this series. On the other hand, Kageyama hasn’t changed much from when he was first conceptualised. In the first one-shot, Hinata was of an average build and had a timid personality (though he is still a scaredy-cat even now). As for his build, since Haikyuu!! is centred around the techniques (especially quicks), being “quicker” was more important than being “higher”. Hinata makes up for his lack of height with his jumping ability, but just that alone is not enough -- this was resolved when he realised that in the first chapter. They key to winning against bigger players lies in how much faster he is able to reach the “summit” as compared to them. There is a limit as to how much physical abilities can compensate for the difference in build. So what will he do? This is where the story really starts, so that’s why I decided to give Hinata this handicap that cannot be compensated for. As for his character, I just doodled a lot of his different expressions. And while reworking the storyline, he slowly started to take form. There are two one-shot versions of Haikyuu!!, and even though I drew him myself, I don’t really like the Hinata in the second one-shot version of Haikyuu!! (laughs). I was overly conscious of making him Shonen manga-like, so he ended up becoming a bit “false”. I couldn’t grasp his character even at the very end. I couldn’t draw the storyboard as I had wanted to and the deadline slowly approached while I was worrying over it. Even now, just thinking of the three days before that deadline brings back nightmares. After that, I continued to panic because I still didn’t know what sort of character the protagonist, Hinata, was. But after reworking the storyline countless times, I felt that he started to become more human-like. And because I’ve worked so hard to come up with him, Hinata is my favourite character. Although Kageyama hasn’t changed much since the initial stages, I think personality-wise he’s become a quite a bit softer? Kageyama is a character that takes on all of the angst that I, the author, had when I was in high school, so in the beginning that was especially prominent. In the serialisation, after the match against Aoba Johsai, the character Shimada Mart had a line that goes, “Strength is needed to truly enjoy a match”. However, this was originally Kageyama’s line in the second one-shot version. I made Kageyama take on my own shortcomings. In the initial stages of the story, Kageyama’s mentality of “I should just do everything on my own” was actually the same mentality I had for a period of time when I was in high school. Although unlike Kageyama, I’m far from being a prodigy (laughs).

--Q7: What grasped my heart in chapter 1 was Hinata’s very first line, “The smell of Air Salonpas...!!” (laughs) It is a line that is reprised during the scene of the Inter-High Preliminaries. How did you come up with this line, and what were your thoughts and intentions in doing so?

Furudate: For both middle school and high school tournaments, the preliminaries are usually held in the gymnasium of a school, but sometimes they’ll be held at a bigger venue like the city gymnasium. When I was in high school, when we got to play in newer, bigger and cleaner venues like the city gymnasium, we would all get excited. And that gymnasium would always smell like Air Salonpas. So in my head, “a match -> the smell of Air Salonpas -> get even more excited” is the sort of correlation chart I have, so this line came really naturally to me. Even now, when I smell Air Salonpas, it sends chills down my spine. It’s a smell I really like. The newest version of Air Salonpas has a milder smell, so I’m a little disappointed.

--Q8: The manga-esque roundness (cuteness) of the characters and the increased head to height ratio to depict the coolness of the characters -- these two distortion techniques synergise very well and makes your art stand out. How do you differentiate when to depict realness and when to use such distortion? Is there anything in particular you pay attention to while drawing?

Furudate: For scenes depicting the matches, my art tends more to “realness” in order to express the “weight” of the players’ bodies. To be honest, I don’t really take note of when I’m drawing “realness” or “distortion”, but I try to express actions and expressions with more exaggeration. Even in the match scenes, in order to express momentum, I would insert a lot of parses into the character’s body. Although it looks like I’m half-assing the characters’ caricatures in the comedic scenes, I actually am pretty much half-assing them. (t/n: i kid you not furudate actually says this) However, the half-assed expressions turn out the best when I draw them on the storyboard, but since I can’t paste them directly onto my manuscript, I’m a little disappointed. In my previous work as well as the initial stages of the serialisation of Haikyuu!!, I used a lot of elaborate angles and paneling so as to not bore the reader. But recently, I’ve been doing a lot of trial and error to see what is the most “readable”. My friends in other professions and my neighbours, just people of the general population, have told me many times that my art is difficult to follow and find my manga difficult to read, so I’m always looking to improve. Once, when I was on a Shinkansen, the person sitting next to me was holding on to the latest issue of Jump that went on sale that day. When I took a nervous peep at them, I saw them just completely skip over Haikyuu!! and it gave me such a huge shock (laughs). (t/n: oh no furudate ;-;) Once again, it really sunk in that nothing would start if I can’t even get readers to read my story. And in order to accomplish that, I needed to make my manga more readable. In recent months, in both the comedic scenes as well as the usual scenes, I’ve been making my lines thicker to simplify my art overall. I even have a paper stuck in front of my desk that reads “distortion” (laughs). While drawing, I pay particular attention to SFX. Although I always think about how powerful manga would be if it could incorporate sound in addition to art and words, but alas such a thing is unfortunately impossible, so I constantly try my best to express sound, momentum, atmosphere and depth via SFX. It’s something I’m trying to balance with “readability”, so it’s still in a stage of trial and error. However, the one thing that I’m always not satisfied with is the sound when a ball is hit. With SFX, the resulting sound is always subpar -- the ball sounds “rubbery” and not realistic. Nevertheless, I’m trying my best while having high hopes for the anime adaptation.

--Q9: The first chapter of the serialisation of Haikyuu!!, is one of the most interesting and intense ones in manga history. What sort of thoughts went into creating and drawing this first chapter? And what were the reactions from your readers like?

Furudate: Both my editor and I were confident in the first chapter. When the plot was finalised, I thought, “This is it!!” But in the very crucial readers’ survey, I think the first chapter had a pretty average ranking (laughs). I conceptualised the first chapter for serialisation after drawing the second one-shot version of Haikyuu!!. I started by reflecting on the one-shot version. The core idea of “Why does Hinata want to play volleyball so badly?” was completely left out in the one-shot version, so it became a reason that was difficult for readers to empathise with. So in the first chapter, I wanted to delve into what sort of character the protagonist, Hinata, was. The story is as simple as it gets, and the key lies in how Hinata would make this story progress, and that’s what I focused on. Other than that, personally, I tried analysing how to make the series survive in Jump, and I think the most important key, or should I say the first stage, would be the fourth chapter.

--Q10: When you were conceptualizing the first chapter, how much of the story had you already thought of at that point in time?

Furudate: Until around the eighth chapter. In fact, at first, I didn’t even have the first chapter we have now -- the first chapter I had was basically a summary of the events in chapters 2-8. I shouldn’t have done all 8 of those chapters (laughs). Other than that, I only had very brief memos about certain events that would happen in the story.

--Q11: If you don’t mind, please tell us more about yourself. Where is your hometown and what was your family like? What was your childhood like?

Furudate: I was born in Iwate Prefecture and lived there until high school. I lived in the boonies and was surrounded by mountains. I would make traps out of cans to fish in the river and ride my bicycle to the mountains to search for crystals (laughs). Other than studying, I think I did everything else with passion. (t/n: relatable) After graduating from high school, I went to a vocational school in Sendai and got a job. I lived in Sendai for about 8-9 years. Miyagi is my second hometown.

--Q12: Have you always been an avid reader of Jump? Was there any manga which you drew inspiration from?

Furudate: I’m sorry. The first time I bought Jump was when I decided to send in a submission in my mid-twenties. I didn’t buy any manga magazines regularly. I first watched the One Piece anime when I was in high school. I was so moved that I went to buy the manga. I definitely drew a lot of inspiration from One Piece. During my days as a student when I just wanted to rebel and act cool, I remember thinking, “So it’s okay to say things so straightforwardly,” “It’s so cool to say things so straightforwardly!” Also, I was really impacted by the feeling of cutting out “a still moment from something happening at great speed” in Matsumoto Taiyo’s works, so I really admire him. Recently, I’ve also been crying while reading Space Brothers sometimes (laughs). (To be honest, I’m not really a reader of manga, so I don’t really have much to talk about, I’m sorry...)

--Q13: When was the first time you drew manga? Did you let your friends and family read the manga you drew? When did you start to aspire to become a mangaka?

Furudate: The first time I drew a proper piece of manga on manuscript paper was in high school. I’ve never shown my friends or family the manga I drew. After retiring from club activities, I started drawing a lot more. I don't know when I started wanting to become a mangaka, it just happened somehow before I realised. To be honest, I don’t remember much.

--Q14: Please tell us more about the events leading up to your debut as a mangaka. What did it feel like to have your dream come true?

Furudate: My first published one-shot was a storyboard I had submitted to my very first competition which, with a stroke of luck, had won. At that time, I was like, “What?! Really?! Are you sure?! It’s really okay?!” Of course, I was overjoyed, but since my first submission was done when I was 25 years old, it felt as if that I’d barely scraped by and managed to make it to the start line. Also, since I was a regular office drone back then, I was always worried whether I could make the deadline.

Part 2 - The Highest Point that Haikyuu!! is aiming towards

--Q15: This time, working on the Haikyuu!! special feature had motivated me to watch my very first Spring High Volleyball Tournament. Your art was everywhere at the station and at the venue! (I’m sure you were very happy when you received these requests!) I could feel the passion everyone had towards the impending match before them. And that got me thinking -- is “High School Volleyball” something that holds a special brilliance? What is so attractive about about Boys’ Volleyball?

Furudate: When I heard about the collaboration with Spring High Volleyball, I was really excited. I was really moved when a boy of elementary/middle school age pointed at the panel display of Haikyuu!! at the venue and exclaimed, “Ah! It’s Haikyuu!!” (laughs) As to why I feel “High School” is special, it’s because the full-stop to “club activities” happens then. I think this applies to everything, not just sports, and also because for many people, high school marks the end of whatever they were doing as “club activities”. And as for what “Spring High” means to High School volleyball, if the third-years choose to stay on, it would be the last major tournament of their high school career. And for some, this might end up being the very last tournament in their lives. As for what makes Boys’ Volleyball so attractive, I have to say that it’s the power and speed when two top teams face off. The difference between Girls’ and Boys’ volleyball in high school is that by the time they reach high school age, Girls’ volleyball would have already reached a stage close to “perfection”, but on the other hand, Boys’ volleyball would have only just started “developing”. The factors that should have been shaved away in the process of leveling up and polishing themselves are still present in high school, so I think each team’s “personality” is much more prominent in Boys’ High School volleyball. For example, in Haikyuu!!, the technique that Hinata frequently uses (a broad attack) is one that you’d see in high school matches, but in higher level matches (for boys), it is hardly used. And I think being able to see the incompleteness and unstable stage of the players before they reach a level of perfection is one of the reasons that make Boys’ Volleyball so attractive.

--Q16: Thank you very much for answering our survey the other day! And...we’d love to go into detail about the “Issue with the fourth chapter” (laughs). The key idea in chapter 4 is, if “the strongest enemy” has joined the team, he becomes “the strongest ally”. And with such reverse thinking, the connection between Hinata and Kageyama did a 180. What’s important is the character that said this line -- it is Sugawara-senpai, who became a substitute player when the prodigy, Kageyama, joined the team. One of the charms (discoveries) of Haikyuu!! is done through Sugawara -- to express the feelings of a substitute player, the sadness and pride he had. What sort of feelings do you have towards Sugawara-senpai as a character?

Furudate: In short, Sugawara’s birth(?) came about when I was thinking, “If a first-year that just joined suddenly becomes the regular setter, then who was it before that? So let’s come up with a senpai setter!” I think the setter is a position that, compared to being a spiker, requires less aptitude. It wasn’t my intention to create drama here. It’s just that right now, Sugawara is the character whom I want the most to stand at the national stage. But I haven’t thought of whether he actually would actually do so, so I don’t know... (t/n: but now we know) Anyway, I don’t want to make Sugawara into a “sentimental” character (laughs). Although Sugawara may be seen as the “representative of common people”, I think he’s actually a pretty “straightforward” and “determined” guy. At least concerning the topic of talent, when someone with overwhelming talent such as Kageyama joined the team, he’s someone who’s able to think, “So what can I offer up to the table then?” However, I’m cautious as to not portray him as someone who is “unrealistically positive”. Though I do think that there are people who might sometimes think that all of the characters are too overly positive which makes it boring (laughs).

--Q17: I had an enjoyable time reading about how the Hinata & Kageyama combo of Haikyuu!! was conceptualised. How did you come up with the rest of the teammates? There are many characters in this series, and how did you come up with the rival characters?

Furudate: I incorporated a lot of characteristics that I picked out from my teammates in high school, my friends and the people I’ve interacted with so far. The play-style of the members of the main team, Karasuno, was conceptualised around the same time as when their characters were designed. As for the rival teams, I usually first came up with the play-style of the team. For example, Nekoma that is strong in defense, and Datekou that is strong in blocking, and such. Then, I would come up with the characters that personify the team and work from there. For the teams with an animal motif, I designed the characters’ appearances such that they also incorporate some sort of characteristic of their animal motif (for some).

--Q18: “There are things people have and don’t have the aptitude for.” “There is a role that only I am able to carry out.” Such lines come up repeatedly throughout Haikyuu!!. I think that the messages and beliefs conveyed via volleyball are ones that resonate with the realities of everyday life and the working world. What is the significance of having adult readers read a manga about high school volleyball? Please do tell us if you have any thoughts.

Furudate: I received many letters about how readers who were troubled over interpersonal relationships at work had re-thought the concept of “comrades” after reading Haikyuu!!. I think the interpersonal relationships that come with playing team sports are very similar to those in the working world. A teammate is different from a “friend”, but there are times that this connection can become something greater than friends, and a bond may form. That is the same for the working world as well. Even if you can’t do everything and anything by yourself, there is definitely something that you yourself would be able to accomplish. But at the same time, there will be someone around you who has an ability you do not possess. I’d be really happy if Haikyuu!! could become something that reminds people of this fact.

--Q19: How do you plan to draw the adult characters -- the advisors, coaches, and those who played volleyball?

Furudate: I hope to be able to draw them as characters who grow alongside the players. After reaching the age where I can call myself an adult, I realised that adults aren’t very “adult-like”, so I don’t want the adults in the story to take on too much of a philosophical point of view on things too. Although there is an old coach in the rival team that seems to be able to see through everything, the main adults that appear in the story are still young, so it is more natural to depict instances when they make the wrong judgement, or aren’t confident in their decisions. In fact, the author of this story themself hasn’t thought of the story and developments of the match next week, so along with the coach and advisor Ukai and Takeda-sensei, we will mull over it together. It might be interesting if you could feel this very real sense of urgency (laughs). (t/n: furudate is us @ procrastinators)

--Q20: How do you come up with the developments and outcome of a match? (Your comments in vol. 6 were great! I definitely want to hear more about being in an indescribable state of mind)

Furudate: Before a match starts, I would have sort of decided how things would pan out, but while drawing, I would feel that something is “off” and change it as and when. So in other words, the outcome is not decided (laughs). A match is something that’s only possible if there is an opponent, so as the author, I draw the rival team with the same attitude as how I’d draw the main team, so my feelings would always change sides. And since it’s pretty rare to face off with the same opponent twice, I’d always think, “When would be the next time I’d see you guys again?” when I look at the opposing team, which leaves me in an indescribable state of mind.

--Q21: “To win” is to “grasp the chance to fight the next battle”. I was deeply touched by this logic. And at the end of this thought, there lies the desire to become number one. However, more than anything, it conveys the pure joy of being able to just play match after match of volleyball...How and when did you come up with such an idea?

Furudate: In the series, “loving volleyball and wanting to play many matches” and “wanting to become number one” are two inseparable ideas. So, the thought of being “number one” is of course, the very first feeling each of the players would have. And in order to become number one, it would mean that you would get to play the most number of matches, and at the same time, it would open up the path to the next stage. When the players love volleyball, and feel that matches are “fun”, what should they do next in order to play more and more matches? That would be “to continue winning and to become number one”. Although I believe that you don’t need a reason to justify your desire to win, if I had to raise one, I think it will be because “I can continue fighting the next battle”. And now, that has become one of the expressions in the series.

--Q22: I’m really touched by how much effort you put in to make your series “readable”. Looking back at the earlier parts of the series, the panels depicting play scenes have been inserted very well. The synchronisation between the movement of the characters and the trajectory and speed of the ball is just remarkable. Although you said that “you still have a long way to go for your drawing skills”, please do tell us the points you take special note of, what you put effort into, and any points you’re proud of while drawing the different volleyball techniques.

Furudate: I pay extra attention in depicting what the other characters who are not touching the ball are doing. Also, since volleyball is sport played with a net between the two teams, the angles at which I can draw a spike is limited (since the relative positions of the spiker, net and opponent blockers are almost always the same), so I try my best not to make it look repetitive.

--Q23: From the reactions of your readers, have you ever thought, “I see, so this is the type of manga I’m drawing”? Do you see the “cheers” from your readers as a source of support?

Furudate: I’ve received a huge illustration made up of 9 postcards from a pair of brothers, where the younger brother is a volleyball player. Soon after he was made a regular player, he broke his leg in an accident. While he was depressed, he started reading Haikyuu!! and cheered up. After undergoing rehabilitation and being able to walk again, he said that he’s working hard to become a setter like Kenma (setter from rival team). I’ve arranged those 9 postcards in front of my desk and they always bring me motivation. Whenever there’s something that makes me sad, or when I lose confidence in my manga, I would be reminded that the “cheers” of support I’ve received are undoubtedly sincere and would pick myself up again

--Q24: Now, they’re boys engrossed in sports, but will there be a day when we’ll see some romance bloom with girls? (I’m super curious about the cute manager! Of course, the captain of the girls’ volleyball team, Michimiya, is really cute too!) How is it? (laughs)

Furudate: Right now there’s a teeny tiny little scene, but I don’t know about the upcoming chapters. Everything is undecided (laughs). I definitely want to do an episode centred around the manager sometime soon.

--Q25: For example, in page 105 of vol. 6, there was close-up volleyball scene drawn at an angle that is impossible for any cameras to capture. How do you end up being able to draw such panels?

Furudate: I just keep thinking and thinking. What is the best angle to draw this scene so that it’s both cool and easy to understand? In my head, I’d keep changing the angles until I find the best one. Especially when I’m drawing big page spreads, even if I’m able to draw something that is satisfactory, as long as time permits, I’d keep switching the angles in my head until I find the best one.

--Q26: The outcome of the match against Aoba Johsai was revealed in vol. 8. In the last set, both teams were continuously at match point. When I went to watch the Spring High Tournaments, the last set would always be a very close match. It was intriguing. Have you ever wondered why is this so?

Furudate: Yes!! I think about it all the time!! Though I don’t know the answer!! (laughs) Of course, the side that is desperately trying to even out the score would give their 120%, and the side with victory almost in their grasp would, precisely because it’s just right in front of them, just by a little, start feeling rushed. Maybe it’s because of this? Since in the end we’re only human. When a match reaches deuce, it’s a battle of 120% vs 120%, so it’s difficult for it to reach an outcome. I’m sorry for giving such an ordinary answer (laughs).

--Q27: The TV anime adaptation will start airing in April. I think there will definitely be a lot of readers who will get into the manga after watching the anime. As the author of the original work, what are your thoughts and expectations for the anime adaptation? Please leave us an impactful message!

Furudate: Since I was also someone who started buying manga after watching the anime, I’m very happy to receive an anime adaptation. Even if you don’t buy manga regularly, the anime is a media that is accessible to anyone who has a TV, so I’d be really happy if that could become a springboard for people to learn more about volleyball as a competitive sport. I have really high hopes for the anime and look forward to seeing the characters move in colour, but what I’m looking forward to the most is the “sound”. The sound of volleyball shoes and the sound of the ball, all these sounds that I’m unable to express in the manga will be expressed in the anime, and since they said they would actually record these sounds, I’m really excited! The art in the manga has a more peculiar touch as compared to that in the anime, so I hope that everyone can get used to it! (laughs)

--Q28: Furudate-sensei, please tell us the “Highest Point” you’re aiming for with Haikyuu!!!

Furudate: In the future, I hope the players that would go on to play at the international stage would say that they started playing volleyball after reading Haikyuu!! as a kid! I hope! A one in a million chance! That someone would say that! That is my one true wish.

--Q29: Lastly, to all your fans and readers, please say a word about the future developments of the story! Please also leave a word for the new readers! Thank you so much!

Furudate: I’m hoping to make Haikyuu!! a series that can convey how cool and fun volleyball can be to those who don’t know and those who already know of volleyball. That is my number one goal for this series! Thank you very much!

_______________________________________________________________

I wanted the publication of this to coincide with the publication of the last chapter so a mild warning that it’s not proofread! Will try to fix any errors in the following days, do give me a heads up if you spot one! sorry that this is a translation of old content (yes, it is 6 years old), I wanted to do something for the closing of hq! pls check out my pal @pala_bora on twitter for threads on interviews with Japan’s volleyball players regarding hq in the latest issue of monthly volleyball!!

Sekita Masahiro, Yamauchi Akihiro, Yanagida Masahiro

also hpbd oikawa!!!

(translator’s note down below)

the japanese version said 10.2k characters and I put my translation into word and it says it’s 6.4k-ish english words wow I haven’t done such a large-scale fan-translation in a very long while!! I mentioned in my prev translation of a hq interview excerpt (which was like 6 years ago) that I wanted to do this translation but back then this was way too daunting for me (the number of pages I tell you) but I really wanted to do something since hq serialisation is coming to an end and this series means a lot to me personally. and since i’ve grown in skill (hopefully) over the past 6 years, this special feature was not as daunting as it first seemed and I managed to finish it in one sitting (albeit not proofread) as a means to procrastinating my actual work! so here it is, the long-overdue translation from a special feature in a magazine issue that’s 6 years old!! but srsly though i hope you guys enjoy reading it. I definitely did enjoy translation it since so much of the interview content deals with the beginnings of hq and it really brought back memories and seeing how things are coming full circle i am very emotional. I also actually have an exam in 2 days but am i a procrastinator that hates studying like furudate is? yes. so will I regret this decision? maybe. but does it change my decision? nope.

I am writing this 4 hours before the last chapter drops in Japan and i just want to pen down my thoughts re: hq before i lose my train of thought and get emotional when the chapter actually drops. I was a teenie tween when I first started reading hq, which coincides with about just a few months after hq started serialisation and have been following the manga and eventually the anime as the series started to grow from a humble manga to the incredible franchise it is now. and as you know, tweens grow into grumpy teenagers and teenagers into jaded adults, which of course was what happened to me and I’ve never been so glad that I had hq all the way with me throughout my adolescence and it really felt like I was growing up together with all of the characters. it was also during my teenage years that I picked up a foreign language, Japanese (as if it was not already obvious), and hq definitely played a huge part helping me maintain motivation in my studies and sometimes even now I really think that I acquired a foreign language to an almost native proficiency just so I can read manga raws and cry in said foreign language. nevertheless, hq was definitely something that helped bridge friendships and connections i have with people, who are still very important to me and are the closest people to me to this day. hq definitely came to me at a very turbulent stage in my life filled with teenage angst and pre-adulthood and adulthood woes, but the characters and the lines they deliver, the beliefs they convey are so pure and sincere and they have motivated me tremendously throughout the years. just recently, I was looking back at some quotes from the series (credits to monthly volleyball, in the link above!) and looking back at these quotes really reminded me of the times when i was struggling and when these quotes really pushed me forward. the hq fandom is also one i’ve been very fortunate to be in, and i’ve seen so many good fan-made literary, musical and artistic works produced because of such a great series. although hq is coming to an end, I strangely don’t feel sad, but I do feel a sense of emptiness and a little bittersweet. No doubt that the ending will be one we will all be satisfied with, but a series that has been a huge part of my life for so many years coming to an end really does feel like I am closing a chapter of my life along with it. no doubt that that feeling will be all the more stronger for furudate. am i ready to take on a new chapter in life? maybe not. but hq will always have a special place in my heart, and i know that when i’m feeling depressed and unmotivated, I can always look back at it and the memories that come along with it. thank you so much furudate, for letting us meet characters that are so raw, human and comical, yet straightforward and unyielding. thank you for teaching so many of us the wonders of volleyball, and for becoming a light in many of our dim lives. cheers to Haikyuu!! and thank you!!!

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq #furudate haruichi #manga #anime #volleyball #ch402 #english translation #thank you furudate #thank you haikyuu

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hecohansen31 · 5 years ago

Text

To Kill A King

Ivar+Saxon Princess! Reader

The Stupid Believer:

Just when I thought I was Running out of time The King stood trembling at my bedside

“To Kill A King” by Hungry Lucy

(Masterlist) (Previous Chapter)

(A/N): Hello there lovelies!

I know that nobody reads this, but I just wanted to tell you two things:

1) THIS CHAPTER SUCK! (I mean... fluff and angst not mixed properly together+me overthinking everything...=utter shit) (so I am sorry, I hope the next one will be better!).

2) I might disappear a bit in the following days, because of personal reasons (related to tumblr and outside) so if I don’t reply/am very active, I am sorry, but I am doing what I think is best for myself.

As always: this series means so so much to me, so any feedback is more than welcome, everything starting from comments to reblogs, just LET ME NOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Feedback makes our fingers write faster and our heart beat faster!

Have a nice reading!

SUMMARY: Pushed up to confront your previous 'owners', you delve in the joys of marital bliss, although nothing seems to last truly. Innocence and dreams even less.

WORDS: 19 K

WARNINGS: Arranged Marriage, Mention of Domestical Abuse and Rape, Violence (Strong Themes), Sexual Harassment, Slavery, Historically inaccurate, Blood and Period.

The ride on the chariot, this time, had been silent and although you weren’t sure, you had the sensation that Ivar went slower this time, almost as if he didn’t want to bring you there, as he held you against him, his own breath being uneven.

You thought about what English men wanted from you.

You almost dreaded the thought of being wanted back.

It made you feel like an object.

Nothing more than a vase to be traded.

The brothers had started off before you, to allow you the privacy to converse in peace and finish what they had interrupted, but Ivar hadn’t said anything, the intimacy you had owned a few moments before completely shredded to pieces, as he harshly suggested you adjusted your hair.

Strands of grass were in them, alongside the evident traces of Ivar’s kiss, since they had been evidently brushed up by Ivar’s bigger hands.

He still looked for your hand as you were finally ready to face the English warriors, and he had helped you again on the chariot, making sure to dust off the remaining of grass from your clothes as you did the same on his own.

You almost wanted to say comforting words, such as the ones you had saidion the small private piece of heaven, Ivar had offered you.

But this wasn’t the time.

And you couldn’t promise Ivar to stay if your father wanted you back.

You hoped it wasn’t what would have happened, since it would have certainly awakened the war you had been sold to finish.

Your father wouldn’t have been that stupid.

You hoped.

You met the English warriors at the border of the camp and you immediately recognized them as the border patrol unit, a rather smaller one in the English army, mostly travelling to make sure the borders and treaties were respected both by the heathen and both by the lords of England, that might use a moment of instability to gain more lands.

Like your father.

Gosh, he was quite clouding your mind, since you couldn’t help but feel like whatever was happening, he was for sure involved in it.

Nervousness flickered through you as Ivar beside you held his most unimpressed expression, something that made you uneasy, since this way he was quite difficult for you to understand him.

You wanted to hug him, since the feeling of his strong body was almost comforting to you, but it would have been highly inappropriate, even more now that you were faced with your own old motherland.

You quickly moved in front of the brothers, although Hvitserk, made sure to stand beside you on the side that Ivar didn’t occupy already, gently pushing an hand on your shoulder, as if he understood your uneasiness.

And then you were fully in front of your previous kinfolk.

And you didn’t recognize a single one of them, almost as if entire years had passed since you had started your new life in the Viking settlement.

It was better to get this over before nervousness got to you.

“I am princess (Y/N)” you screamed in order to be heard by the scouts, since a lengthy distance was between the two armies, with the Vikings seemingly ready to attack at any moment, meanwhile the Saxons looked quite fearful, even more because they weren’t in the slightest enough counterattack the heathens “… why have I been summoned, here?”.

Your words seemed more annoyed than you had intended them to be, but the memory of Ivar’s lips on yours was still recent, and the way his hand gently pressed its way in your arms, already made you missing of the intimacy you had shared.

No cunning thoughts or mischievous plans between you two.

You had expected a few soldiers of your father to appear, although none of them wore its emblem, but then the crowd of soldiers opened, revealing, finally, a familiar face.

A fair-haired boy walked in front of the army, his light grey eyes searching for something, till they set on you, as his steady body finally seemed to relax.

Alexander appeared in your full view, and for once since all this meeting had been announced, you were happy to see a Saxon face among them, as he moved closer to you, walking the lengthy distance between the two formations, till both Hvitserk and Ubbe stepped up to stop him.

Your arm immediately shot up to the younger brother, as you pushed him back lightly, even going as far as to pull his hair to catch his attention and you whispered in his ear that you knew him.

And Alexander’s eyes, now, spoke of a similar recognition.

And soon, his hands moved to do what his eyes spoke of, as he, after both the brothers had been reeled back, pushed you in his arms, lightly raising you off the ground, making you giggle.

He twirled you laughing of happiness, making you completely forget where you were.

And then when he set you down, you had forgotten all around yourself.

Not many people, back in the castle had been your friends, truly.

But Alexander had been your dearest friend.

And your first crush.

Although that ship had sailed and sunk long ago.

“… what are you doing, here?” you giggled softly, as you tried to adjust your hair behind your ears, meanwhile Alexander regarded your strange outfit of the day, something that made you blush, but you coughed lightly to bring his attention back to your question.

“We are actually here for you, (Y/N)” he spoke softly, before he straightened up his back, pushing himself in a more honorable position, as if he hadn’t just broken the entire castle etiquette, in hugging you in that way “… we are here to check on you, princess (Y/N)”.

“Why?” you were honestly surprised to discover the reason, mostly because it made you almost feel like you had done something wrong.

Was your father not happy of the little information you had given him?

Alexander lightly lowered his stance, almost conspiratorially.

“… we have heard news that you had been accused of having poisoned a prince and were facing a trial for that…” realization hit your face, as you lightly moved to turn your head back, recognizing among the many Viking faces Heahmund’s one, who looked honestly relieved at seeing the small Saxon army.

And then your eyes fell onto Ivar, as your head made to turn to Alexander.

His mouth was slightly agape, as his eyes held a brokenness in them that made you shift your whole attention to him, as you noticed that his hands had been left around in the position they were when he was holding onto you.

You immediately reached around, pushing one hand between you and your heart broke at the eagerness Ivar showed in taking it, before his face became again impossible to understand, as he shifted his eyes away from you, as if he hadn’t been bothered by your intimacy with Alexander a few minutes before.

“It isn’t anything too bad” you mumbled lightly in Norse “… he is a friend”.

He just grunted, and knowing that he wouldn’t hear any explanation, you turned heavily to Alexander, glad that Ivar’s hold on your hand was still a small link between you.

“… I was” shock appeared in Alexander’s eyes “… but it was all a plot against Ivar, all the accusations fell quickly yesterday and my life is alright, I am sorry you had to come here for nothing, my father must have been truly annoyed to have to send..”.

“It is not your father who sent us” your friend spoke and you were immediately surprised, shock written all over your face “… our God-blessed king Alfred asked us to check on you, to make sure that you were safe”.

“I am”.

You wanted all of this to cut itself quickly, since you could feel the tension between the two armies, because although they were in no one’s land, it didn’t mean it couldn’t be conquered.

“I’d like to make sure of it myself” spoke Alexander, as he grabbed on the hand that Ivar didn’t hold, making effectively the worst move possibly, because as he gripped forward, Ivar gripped you back to himself, effectively overpowering your friend.

And you cursed yourself for being stuck between two men.

“… my wife told you she is fine, Saxon, now go back to your lands” Ivar’s words were a veiled threat, and although you didn’t like his tone and sent him an harsh glare to remind him of his tone.

“I said I’d like to prove it myself” replied in an even more hissing tone, Alexander, holding himself as arrogantly as he could, something that always fascinated you, but right now, against Ivar’s sheer power, he looked like a boy who was challenging a man.

“And I do think that I have a saying in this” you surprised the two men, pipping in, as you broke away from both grips, meanwhile Hvitserk behind you giggled at the ridiculousness “… Alexander, has my tongue ever been anything less than truthful?”.

He shook his head at your reprimand as Ivar shook his head, already tasting victory, and you decided to take advantage of it, turning to him, as you joined your hands together.

Truly the portrait of the perfect couple.

“… I’ll walk with him to make sure that he comes back to the army, I won’t leave your view, don’t worry” you knew it sounded almost pathetic, but Ivar didn’t already seemed pleased to solely leave your hand “… it is a necessity that I show him that I am not hurt”.

“I would never hurt you” spoke tenderly Ivar, as his hand broke away from the hold of yours, lightly caressing your face to reinforce the concept, a gesture that made you smile softly, as you leaned in the simple touch “… he dishonor my land and men saying that”.

Why with men it was always about honor?

“… I know” you spoke softly “… but they don’t know it, so just let me show them that I am happy with you”.

The words seemed to hit him deeply.

But never as much as they hit with you.

Because they were the truth.

You had been happy with him.

Not always and sometimes he could be quite a pain in the ass, but…

… he made you smile.

“… I swear that nothing will happen” you promised “… I swear it on the crown”.

That seemed to get to Ivar, whose tense expression disappeared in a smirk, as his other hand went to your waist, something that made you breathe out at his boldness.

“… are you using my ideas against me?” he commented with that insane arrogance, that made you want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

Oh Gosh, wouldn’t you have liked to be still there in your own private heaven, on top of him, tasting him as he explored your body.

And at the same time, shame brought a slight blush all over your body, starting from your neck and pushing itself on your cheeks.

“Am I not supposed to be your smart wife?” you retorted, and he seemed to enjoy it.

“… that’s more like cunning” he replied, before he brought your hand to his lips, a mark of possessiveness in his reply that made you smirk softly “… walk him back and tell them to leave”.

You nodded, as you turned to Alexander, who tried and failed to hide his confusion, and you suddenly noticed that you had spoken in Norse, without even noticing it with Ivar.

“… let’s go, my proud knight” you commented offering him his arm, as both Hvitserk and Ubbe were told to back off by Ivar, who turned his back to you, going back to his cart, meanwhile his brothers trailed after him, something mischievous in Hvitserk’s eyes.

You were glad you didn’t have to deal with his annoying questions.

Alexander took your arm, almost as if he didn’t believe it fully and gently started walking, at a slower pace than your own.

You kept in silence, till you were a bit away from heathens and then Alexander moved to talk, finally:

“Is it true that you aren’t in danger, anymore?” he asked “… Heahmund sent a letter and your sister Kathleen received it…”.

That explained the urgency and fear in Alexander’s arrival at the camp.

Gosh, it made you miss Kathleen.

With all the turn of events and the need to desperately win Ivar over, you hadn’t thought much about the love you had for your sister.

The loyalty that bound all of you.

“… and she convinced king Alfred to send a dispatch of border soldiers to check on you” Alexander continued to explain, as a small smirk appeared on your face.

“How did Kathleen manage to convince father and him?” you asked, honestly surprised, because although you knew that your sister Kathleen could drag the Devil away from his throne, you didn’t know how much a man like king Alfred might be pushed to agree on such a deal.

It made you wonder what was going on in the castle, during your absence.

“… it’s Kathleen” he commented tightly, shooting you a look as if to say ‘you know how she is’ “… she never wanted to play Guinevere’s parts when we played ‘The Legend of Arthur’, insisting she’d make a dashing Lancilot”.

“That she did”.

And that had always let Abigail be Guinever, meanwhile you were the witch Morgan, always being fascinated with such creatures, since it had made you feel powerful in your own way.

You had never been as strong as Kathleen or as cunning as Abigail, so to have magical powers…

… it had been a dream from you.

Imagination had been your sole weapon against your dull reality.

Alexander was the son of one of your father’s lords, a smaller one, cursed by the fact that that he was the second male child, hence he wouldn’t inherit much, unless he forged his own Destiny.

He would have been the least adapt match for you, according to your father.

But that had only invigorated the love that you had felt for him.

Although right now, with the knowledge of past facts, you knew it wasn’t anything more than an infatuation.

It was puppy love: you had always admired the strength of Alexander, the way he was so bright and funny, in a way that charmed anybody who had ever come upon his path.

But you had soon discovered that you weren’t the sole one charmed by him.

You had once caught him with one of the kitchen servants, and that had been the end of your first ever love story.

You had been heartbroken, mostly when he always promised you to run away with you, away from your father and his cruelty to be his own Guinevere.

But that had never happened.

And your dreams had been shattered.

From then on it had been simply a good friendship between you, although you hadn’t had much time to spend together since he had been enrolled against the heathens, even going as far as being sent to Ireland in some scouting missions, so you hadn’t seen him in quite some time.

Your mind had been quite troubled lately so the thought of him hadn’t crossed your mind, even more since your love for him had become a more tender affection.

“… and you are safe, aren’t you?” he asked, as he gently made you to turn around to face him “… they don’t mistreat you, do they?”.

“They don’t” you commented as you breathed out, trying to keep yourself the absolute calmest “… they have been welcoming, if you don’t count the fact that I was involved in a ploy to belittle Ivar”.

“You call him Ivar?” almost disbelief spoke in his eyes as you said that.

“What should I call him?” you shot back “… I do call him ‘husband’, if you are curious”.

“I am just…” he seemed at lack of words at your reply “… and you have even learned Norse, I just… feel like…”.

“I did what I had to do to survive” you commented, a flare of anger appearing in your eyes at Alexander’s questions, which reminded you of Heahmund, alongside the accusation hid behind them.

That you had turned away from the rightful way to the heathen’s one.

“That is right” Alexander commented, his uneasiness finally calming, as he moved to softly grab onto one of your hands “… I am sorry I wasn’t able to stop this from happening, you didn’t deserve it”.

“… you didn’t know, and you couldn’t have done much, knowing my father” you replied lowly, as you gripped back onto his hand, gently rubbing your thumb on the back of it “… I am actually surprised that you are here, I thought you were in Ireland, during your own scouting duties”.

“Alwin died” he replied and finally his eyes became darker with grief and you weren’t able to stop surprise from appearing on his face, at the news that Alexander’s older brother and heir to his father’s lands had died “… fighting against the heathens, although father didn’t want him to”.

“My condolences to you and your father” you spoke, measuring your words.

Although Alexander and Alwin had never been truly tight-knit brothers, always in competition for their father’s attention, you knew that it must have destroyed him to have that news, even more when his eyes showed the guilt of not having been able to protect his brother.

You understood him all too well.

“Father then had me coming back, although I told him I’d still be in the scouting legion, even more when I discovered what had happened to you” his eyes spoke of a true pain at the knowledge of what had befell on you, and you smiled trying to reassure him.

“… although this isn’t my ideal life, they treat me well, I swear it on the Holy Virgin” you promised him softly “… they haven’t ever hit me and Ivar…”.

‘… and Ivar kisses me like I am the only woman in the whole world for him’.

Your cheeks reddened at that thought.

“… he is gentle with me”.

Alexander didn’t look convinced and you knew that you hadn’t much time or options to convince him.

“… just give me more time” he suggested softly, as he pleaded to you, grabbing your hands with the same gesture Ivar had done not too long ago, and his deep grey eyes faced you, surprising you even further when he lowered himself on his knees “… please, my brave gentle princess, accord more time to me, so that I can let your sister know that you are safe and sound”.

Although the entire set-up was almost comical, this might have been quite the problem, because Ivar had clearly shown up that he didn’t like in the slightest the thought of Saxon men on his borders, but at the same time Alexander was stubborn.

You knew it all too well.

“Settle up for the night, I’ll talk with my husband” you pointed out the last word, as Alexander nodded eagerly, bringing your hand to his lips, and although you blushed at the silly gesture you couldn’t help but feel hollow from the small crush you had felt before.

“… you are an angel, princess”.

“I better be, because I’ll need a miracle to convince Ivar”.

---

“This is an insult!” in fact screamed Ivar, as you and his brothers held a private council in the main hall.

You had informed Ivar of everything on the chariot and although his focus hadn’t left for a single moment the control of the horse, he had stilled underneath you.

He was actively avoiding to let his anger feast on you, but he was bitter and he wouldn’t have had such a dishonoring command over himself.

“… and the people won’t have it” added Ubbe, sending you a small look as if to say ‘it is all your fault’, something that made you turn a bright smile at him, as you adjusted in the chair next to Ivar.

“I know” you commented, trying to calm all the souls around you “… but also the Saxons wouldn’t have left, if I hadn’t promised to try to let them stay and see me”.

“We can fight them” commented Hvitserk, drinking heavily from his horn, as you sent him an unbelieving glare, but immediately Bjorn backed him up, indeed reminding you that the Vikings had a completely different mindset from the Saxons.

And you were stuck between them, trying to find an agreement,

“You might, but it would destroy the peace my marriage sealed” and you sent a pleading look to Ivar, whose eyes still kept away from you, making you damnably nervous “… and you might defeat a scouting legion, but it’ll just put you to risk”.

“People will question this decision” Ivar simply commented, as he sent you a small look as if to ask you whether you realized the chaos that would ensue by your decision.

“… and you aren’t exactly popular among them” replied tightly Ubbe, something that this time got him a harsh look from you, as Ivar said a quick ‘don’t talk like that to my wife’.

It made you dizzy, to know that he defended you like that.

“… it isn’t exactly my fault for that” you commented “… but we could use the celebrations as an excuse: we invited the Saxons over to show them our victory over them, hiding this behind the semblance of a peaceful negotiation”.

The brothers didn’t seem convinced in the slightest, although they agreed begrudgingly, knowing that neither the opponents would have backed down and this was the best option for both.

“It isn’t enough” mumbled Ivar darkly, as he shot you a small look “… we don’t gain anything from this, and nobody of our warriors will celebrate next to some Saxon”.

“Then say that it is for an agreement for new lands” Ivar looked at you confused “… I have some lands to my name from my mother’s side, exclusively, say I have given them to you as a wedding gift and the Saxons are here to ensure the sanctity and rightfulness of the agreement”.

Your mother had bounded, before dying, some lands to your and your sisters’ names exclusively, to ensure that no matter what befell you, you’d have something for your dowry or to survive.

The question of these lands had annoyed your father, because he couldn’t have them and neither he could have used them as his own, as they were exclusively yours and they could be controlled solely by you, when you had come of age or married.

They weren’t as big as your actual dowry, but without a doubt they could have seemed quite the deal for Ivar, who simply looked at you surprised at that revelation, risking of choking on his ale, but he immediately composed back, agreeing to this with a tight nod.

“… then send the message that the Saxons are staying simply for that” he announced to his brothers, and you could see a similar grimace appear on both Bjorn’s and Ubbe’s faces.

They didn’t like that their younger brother chose for them.

But they didn’t say much, excusing themselves to spread the news, meanwhile Hvitserk stood in the room, painfully unwanted, till Ivar told himself to wait for you outside.

He had to exchange a few words with you privately and then Hvitserk would accompany you back to your tent, in order for you to write a letter to the Saxons, alongside talking with Heahmund, something that you didn’t tell Ivar, although it was high on your list of things to do.

Hvitserk trotted back, quickly, although he shot you a light smirk, as if he knew what you meant to do in your free time, and you weren’t able to stop the slight blush from appearing on your face.

Ivar did share a bit of red also on his cheeks, but his eyes were sharp till Hvitserk moved away, and then they settled on you, extremely tame with their thoughts making them appear like a storm, held back solely by wind.

“… I won’t take your lands” it was a bare answer, a whisper of indeed a storm that was starting, and you felt shaken to your very core by that revelation.

“What?”.

Any man would have seized all your belongings without a second thought or even asking you for your opinion, something that you personally found barbaric to say the least.

It was how court and wives worked.

It was how life had always worked.

Women were just the means to gain more lands and properties.

“… your lands will stay yours” he promised “… I’ll give them back to you as a wedding gift”.

“There is no need…” you started, but Ivar’s eyes shut you up quickly, as a hand of his went to thread itself in your hair, making you look up at him.

“They are your mother’s, aren’t they?” he searched your eyes for the truth, but you still nodded to assert it “… then they’ll never belong to me”.

“Thank you” you couldn’t help but appreciate the gesture that made you smirk softly, as you joined your hand with Ivar’s, gently bringing it to your lips, as the boy in front of you smiled softly.

“… and I have no interest in lands in England” he commented, trying to move away the attention from the gentleness he had showed “… Kattegat is my home”.

And soon it would have been yours too.

---

You adjusted yourself on the chair to the table you had been sat on for the previous half an hour, the letter meant for Alexander half-written, as you played around with the tip of the feather you were writing with, constantly annoyed by Angelika, who stood on your bed.

The handmaidens had all been excused, once you had arrived back in the tent, except for Turid who had been sent to retrieve and give an hour to bishop Heahmund, in order for you to meet up and tell him what would have been happening next.

What had happened now that you knew where his loyalties laid.

You also wanted to reinstate your strength and power over him, since he had seemed to forget about it.

As much as you damnably appreciated his attempt in helping you, the fact that he had sent a letter for your father without helping you or contacting you first, showed much of the true purpose of his staying beside you.

Something that you couldn’t have when you were stuck in the Viking settlements solely with him as your ally.

“… so, was you day with prince Ivar good?” Angelika asked you as you were rereading the last line you had written, almost throwing the feather out of your hands at the boldness of your handmaiden.

“None of your business” you replied, sharply, trying to focus again your attention on the letter, but Angelika smirked like a feline who knew that had hit a sore spot.

“… oh c’mon… don’t you want to tell me all the lovely moments you shared?” she continued on poking on you “… is he even able of some romance?”.

“Why isn’t Lia or Arabella here?” you wondered, raising your eyes up to the sky, annoyedly, although you were almost tempted to confess her the way you had felt for Ivar.

You had never had friends to who you could confess your own emotion and thoughts.

Your father’s court was a nest of snakes.

You had learnt early not to trust anybody with most of your thoughts.

You had grown up guarded, except with your sisters.

And without them you found yourself uneasy, both because you couldn’t talk with anybody about how you felt and both because the sole thought of confessing everything that was going through your mind tempted you and hurt you at the same time.

“… they are at training” she explained, although that annoying smirk didn’t leave her face.

“Why aren’t you there with them?” you commented, spitting the same softened venom you used for her.

“I wouldn’t want to hurt myself” she shot back tightly, and then she moved to highlight her face “… I wouldn’t want to ruin the only precious thing I own”.

“Dashing” you muttered, but it was only partially venomous, since you couldn’t help but notice the sad truth in her words: women truly didn’t own much but their beauty in this sick world “… it was nice… with prince Ivar”.

Her eyes caught fire at that small affirmation.

“Did you kiss him?”.

Now you were burning red hot and the letter was forgotten on your desk, and you turned quickly to her, definitely giving her the answer she was looking for and with a very ungraceful movement, she fell with her back on the side of your bed, laughing loudly.

“Oh Gosh! You kissed the heathen!”.

“Lower your voice, Angelika” you ordered her, although it was more an ashamed shriek, as the handmaiden didn’t even try to shut her sharp mouth “Somebody will hear!”.

“As if kissing your husband was something to be ashamed …” commented the same girl who had called your husband a ‘monster’ “… unless he is a bad kisser that is”.

Your cheeks reddened further and Angelika sent you a look as if to ask if she had guessed right, but you just shook your head, leaving your chair and your letter, since your head didn’t seem to have any idea on how to continue, your mind taken back to what it had felt with Ivar.

The gentleness and the respect his exploration had given you, as he softly took your lips in his, in a soft pressure that almost made you taste heaven.

And yet that same kiss opened the doors of hell beneath you.

But had you ever cared for that?

“… he is very good” you commented, not knowing fully why your lips were felt so loose all of a sudden “… but… I am not… as versed as him…”.

“… why doesn’t that surprise me?” replied the other girl, before she made you fall with a quick grab on your waist, so that you were at them same level, something that made you extremely nervous, never having been this close to another girl that wasn’t blood-related with you.

And after Caryn’s betrayal, the proximity hurt you even more.

But Angelika’s eyes were captivating and soon the embarrassment slowly eased up.

“… I could teach you” now they held the same wickedness of a big cat “… we could practice together”.

The suggestion made you redden significatively and you threw her a shocked expression, immediately raising yourself up, as she erupted in laughter.

And although you knew she was teasing you, it wasn’t insulting.

“Thank you for the suggestion, but no” you commented tightly, as you adjusted yourself, in a seated position, right when Turid opened the tent to check in whether you were comfortable to talk with Heahmund.

You blushed but nodded, excusing Angelika off, as you adjusted your hair, already knowing that your outfit of the day would have shocked enough the bishop, since you hadn’t changed from the outfit you had worn for your walk with Ivar.

Angelika moved annoyedly away, meanwhile Turid pushed Heahmund in, taking her leave, alongside Angelika, although her eyes shone of wickedness and you weren’t sure about whether she’d just leave, or she’d spy onto the conversation.

“… it is good to see you safe and sound” commented tightly the bishop, as he immediately came to you, kneeling before you and kissing your hand as a sign of respect, but you kept your eyes tight on him, steely and royally pissed “… I have heard that the scouting army came to check on you, my lady…”.

“Thank to you” it was a sarcastic mutter, and Heahmund soon noticed it, raising his head, to finally notice your bad humor.

“You aren’t happy with my actions, princess” his voice was almost a reprimand in itself and you held his glare, as you pushed out your breath, straightening your back.

“… not in the slightest, bishop” you replied, hissing through your teeth, something of your stance taking after the postures you had seen in Ivar “… you called my father, before even trying to help me”.

“I wouldn’t have done it, had I had any other choice!” he protested “… the Vikings wouldn’t let me see you and neither hear me, and let me tell you I couldn’t think of any other choice than to ask your father”.

Although you absolutely recognized Heahmund’s reasonings, his act had damaged you greatly, almost making you risk your life again.

Had he been truly worried for you, he’d have asked anybody but your father, since it was instead clear that his letter hadn’t been a scream of help for your own health, but a worry for your purpose in the settlements.

And it hurt you, although you knew that to your father and him you didn’t matter much more than for what you could give to them both.

“… next time you have to send a letter to my father, you’ll ask me or my handmaidens before” your voice this time didn’t ask for any replies, as it became steely rigid and strong “… and from now on if I ever catch on any information I’ll be the one to send you letters, there will be no need for you to come here”.

Heahmund’s eyes spoke of his complete humiliation at those orders followed by a blinding rage, but he simply nodded, bowing and taking his leave without being excluded.

“Bishop Heahmund” you called him one last time “… my father might not care the destiny that befell me, but let me tell you that I am much more influential than my position might let you think. For now, I have the strength to make this mission end well or badly, and I won’t undervalue it”.

“Understood” that was what you wanted to hear, and you excused him, dropping on the bed, as you had done with Angelika, feeling a series of emotion that made you almost nauseous for the various shifting they did in your mind.

You had always known that your life mattered little in your father’s hands, but you hadn’t thought it was that little, enough that you weren’t in charge of your own decision.

And that if you had overstepped your boundaries, your father would have gladly left you to die.

It hadn’t passed unnoticed to you that Alexander had said that it had been Alfred who had sent the army, because of Kathleen’s talks.

You already knew that your father didn’t care for you, even more for the shame you would have brought on his line, getting caught so early, before you could be truly useful.

He wouldn’t have taken you back, ever, now that you were tainted.

You knew that if you didn’t die on this mission by Ivar or his men’s hands, you father would have taken the thing in his own hands.

And had he ever taken pity on you, he wouldn’t have allowed much more than a shed in the wood, with no help except yourself to witness your slow death.

You had never thought that your Destiny would have been so horrible.

But now all the signs showed that no matter the momentary peace you were having, you would have had an unhappy ending.

You had been too busy with making Ivar like you at first and then protecting your own ass, but now that you thought about it, it just…

… it made you feel hollow.

Not because you were scared of death.

In death you would have found your mother again, and you would have been free from the pain of your earthly body.

But did your life matter so little truly?

A few weeks ago you thought that your life did matter so little, since in the end there wasn’t much you could bring to the table, still now you found it difficult to find yourself worthy of your title and life.

But Ivar’s words spoke to your mind, alongside the small goals you had accomplished in the camp, defeating Halfdan and Harald, creating your own court and making yourself known, as you spied on it.

You were training, your body was becoming stronger and you had found yourself being smart enough to find a solution, to talk with Ivar and be appreciated by him, because although he might not have felt love for you, he clearly admired your ways.

You could have allied with Ivar to avoid such a pitiful ending.

You could have confessed what you had been obliged to do, hoping in his anger he might see the advantage of having you by your side, although you couldn’t offer much more than your brain and your pretty face.

But what would have been of your sisters?

They would have been left to rot, maybe your father would have killed Abigail, since she wasn’t useful to him or his heir.

And you wouldn’t have survived it.

One thing was to play with your life, another was to play with your sisters’.

“… are you alright?” you were brought back by your awful thought by Hvitserk, as you immediately pushed yourself in a seated position, trying to shift away a grimace from your face as he walked in “… did the priest annoy you? Ivar will have him killed…”.

“That’d be a relief” you commented darkly, surprising the ever-cheerful Hvitserk, but then a pure look of focus fell onto his face “… I was joking”.

“Just give me the order, princess”.

“… I won’t forget it” you smiled at him sadly, as you got up, thinking that if you had spent more time with this situation on your mind, you would have probably ended up with your head growing as big as an oak.

It was better to train a bit to release the feeling of dreariness your heart held at the moment, ignoring the unfinished letter, since you didn’t know anymore what words to find.

“… did you and my brother fight?” he asked, trying to urge you in talking, seeing that you were quite unresponsive “… because I thought you looked pretty cozy back then, in the field…”.

You blushed red till even your ears were of that color.

“No, we didn’t fight…”.

“Then did you kiss?” now you were going to surely pass out from your overheated cheeks, since you couldn’t help but be embarrassed as you remembered the notion of having been caught in such a compromising position.

“… why is everyone so obsessed with knowing the details of my private life?” you muttered loudly, sending Hvitserk a pointed look, but he, exactly like Angelika didn’t back down.

“Oh please” pleaded Hvitserk, pushing his hands in a mocking pleading pose “… pretty please (Y/N) give me something to tease my brother with”.

“You won’t find an ally in me for annoying your brother” you retorted, with a tight smirk, as you pushed him lightly away, gaining a gleaming look from Hvitserk.

“… oh, pretty please, my princess” he insisted making you huff out loudly.

“Annoy your brother and not me” you simply finished the conversation, although you couldn’t help but be feel yourself a bit calmer.

But those horrible thoughts you continued on having quite the influence on you, hanging on your head like a Damocles’ sword.

“… then at least let me know when you and Angelika will practice kissing”.

You couldn’t help but be shocked by this confession, even more as you realized what Hvitserk had to do to hear those words.

He had listened on your conversation.

“… did you…” your voice choked in worry, and you tried to shove it down “… did you overhear what I was talking about with Angelika?”.

Hvitserk seemed to feel your uneasiness and quickly pushed up his hands as if to defend himself.

“… I just was by the tent” he commented tightly “… I left before the priest entered, wouldn’t want to ruin the secret of your confession?”.

A tight grimace was welcomed by a blanker expression, as you tried to calm yourself down, glad that he hadn’t heard of your talking with Heahmund.

“Don’t listen on any of my conversation” you replied biting your lips, as you pointed out each word “… because if you do, I’ll put poison ivy in your bed”.

“Oh, I am used to it, it won’t affect me anymore” he grinned wickedly, but you had another idea, as you raised up from the bed, knowing perfectly that Hvitserk would follow, as you exited the tent.

“Then I’ll curse you” your words were light and easy, unlike his meaning.

And Hvitserk’s grin dropped quickly.

“… how… how would you do that?” he asked, as you simply moved forward, and he kept on running after you till the stable, meanwhile you muttered something in Latin.

‘Rosa, rosae, rosae…’.

And he simply looked at you with worried eyes.

“… what was that?”.

“Just a little warning” you commented, getting Bukefalos out of his stables.

“… you are joking, aren’t you, (Y/N)?”.

But you ignored him, and before you knew it you heard him cursing loudly as he accidentally pressed his boot in horse shit.

Sometimes curses didn’t have to be real to work.

---

Training with Nanna had destroyed you and as you had been forced to attend dinner in the main hall, you had almost fallen asleep with your head in the soup.

Nanna had insisted on training double, since you hadn’t attended the previous lesson, something that left you breathless and tired, even more since you had been forced to move from the defense to attack stances, something that made you uneasy, to say the least.

You didn’t feel comfortable in the slightest using violence against anybody, because not only being attacked reminded you of your father, but knowing how to kill wouldn’t have made you similar to that man you dreaded the absolute most?

‘Why do I have to learn how to attack others?’ you had muttered to Nanna, as the woman tried to teach you how to properly punch somebody, reminding you of taking the thumb out of the fist.

She had seemed to almost take personal offense to that.

‘… how do you expect to maintain your throne if you don’t fight’.

You had explained to her, that you had your own throne set up and you hadn’t much to worry, although all your thoughts of the previous afternoon weren’t comforting in the slightest.

‘… you should actually worry about your throne, even more with an husband like that’ her comment about Ivar had appeared bitter and you had tried your best to nod your head softly, taking in what looked like interesting information ‘… Ivar wants the crown’.

‘He already has it’ you had mumbled ‘… he is a prince, with numerous victories and conquered lands on his part’.

‘… and he wants more’ she had simply replied, her lips turning in a bitter expression ‘… he wants the crown of Kattegat, which Lagertha, the current queen of Kattegars, his father’s land, is withholding away from him, and believe me, he’ll fight for it and you’ll have too’.

You hadn’t replied anything anymore, although the knowledge of Ivar’s plans didn’t make you in any way more comfortable or less at uneasy about this entire day, and you almost wished it’d just be over soon.

But it certainly all explained why the brothers’ relationships were so tense among them.

And why Ivar had called you ‘queen’.

You felt him nudging you lightly, as you stood with the spoon so close and yet so far away from your mouth, stopped midair.

You quickly pushed the soup in your mouth, grimacing at the fact that the soup had grown cold, but forcing a few more bites of it on your mouth, because although you weren’t hungry, your body needed some food.

“… want me to feed you” commented Ivar, with a smirk on his face as he drunk a cup of ale, meanwhile you sent him a light glare, through your hooded eyes, pushing a final spoon past your lips, keeping it there, as you sleepily looked for a small towel to clean your face “… it has been a tough day, we’ll go to sleep, as soon as you are done with food”.

“Can you pass me your crutch? I might need it to go back” you mumbled, as you leaned lightly on him, for the simple fact that he was damnably warm and you were lightly cold from the bath you had done before coming there, your hair lightly damp, but pushed in a soft updo to dry them faster.

“… you certainly didn’t lose your humor alongside your appetite” he laughed, before he took in your hand to help you up, excusing you and him from his brothers, who barely sent him a look, except Hvitserk who told him that ‘he shouldn’t work you so hard’ and ‘he should give you a break’, in a way that seemed to reference to something that you and Ivar had never done together.

“… Hvitserk, want anymore horseshit?” you mumbled, unable to withhold any curtesy, something that got to Hvitserk quickly as he sat back down, meanwhile you felt Ivar hide a small smirk behind his hand.

The rest of the walk was done in silence, as you slumped next to each other, your handmaidens welcoming you inside, and you dismissed them, giving them some orders for tomorrow, as you felt a strange agitation brewing among them since, the following day, you were supposed to be choosing a dress for the party that was to be held in three days.

The girls had been told that they could have chosen a dress each in order to properly take part to the celebrations, and they had been thrilling happily for the whole afternoon, and you doubted they’d be able to sleep, too excited for the dresses.

Unlike you.

You unfastened Ivar’s braces, noticing that although he had humored you back at the dinner table, he now seemed almost distant to you, and you didn’t know if he was simply tired or there was something more.

But at the same time, deep down, you knew that with Ivar there was something more.

He was already in bed, when you finished brushing your hair and you were in your nightgown, dragging your heavy limbs towards the bed, as you sat on its end, being able to face Ivar, who looked extremely surprised by your position.

“Is anything wrong?” you thought about asking, although Ivar simply shook his head “… is it… is it for Alexander?”.

You had hit straight up in the bullseye, with the way his eyes shone of true annoyance.

“… we are solely friends” you commented “… I was a lonely child and he was the only one who indulged in silly games”.

Still silence, and you thought that if it had to go on like this, you had to drop the big news.

“… and I did have a slight infatuation on him, back then”.

This got to him, finally.

He simply moved to push himself in a seated position.

“… do you still like him?” it was a demand that made you laugh, as Ivar looked at you extremely serious.

“As a friend, but nothing more than that” you simply stated “… I… was a gullible girl, back then… and he was so handsome…”.

“I am not interested in hearing it” he commented with a rather sour tone, and you couldn’t help but smirk lightly, as you moved to settle closer to him, till you were eye-to-eye.

He tried to push himself away, but you held him in place.

“… it wasn’t love, it was a simple crush” you explained “… he broke my heart and I realized how hollow my feelings for him truly were. And from then on, it was only friendship from me”.

Ivar’s gaze seemed to lightly calm itself, although he didn’t look convinced.

“You have nothing to fear, truly”.

“Yeah, the cripple has for sure nothing to fear” he commented grumpily and you brought him instead to look at you in the face, not wanting this to push something between you, when you were so close with him.

Your life was a mess and strangely that blue-eyed heathen was the only relief you had been getting, lately.

The only good thing.

And this close, you wanted to kiss him.

Again, and again.

“… if it makes your ego feel better, I found you more handsome than Alexander” you confessed, as you gently moved an hand on his partially unbuttoned tunic, gently nearing the naked skin, as you felt Ivar take a sharp intake of breath.

“Don’t make fun of me” he commented loudly, making to turn around, but you stopped him and you made him look at you in the eyes.

“… I don’t” you muttered “… from the moment I saw you, I just found myself fascinated with you”.

He blushed, although he didn’t look convinced.

“I now love Alexander, with the same intensity I love Hvitserk, so you shouldn’t worry” you adjusted yourself to slip under the cover, moving closer to Ivar to make him avoid pushing you away “… there isn’t anything you should be worried about”.

“… because you are so enamored with me” he uttered sarcastically, and although you knew that it was damnably wrong both for your beliefs and both for the fact that you would have to betray him, you were starting to slowly feel something for him.

“I am starting to be…” you admitted, and you knew that any disbelief Ivar had pushed itself away, at your tender expression, something that you wouldn’t have been able to fake.

Gently a hand of his threaded its way through your hair, as he brought you closer, pressing softly your lips against his, something that made smile brightly, as you embraced him loosely.

If this life of yours would end up in a painful way, you’d enjoy all the pleasure you found.

That tender kiss was followed by a few more, till you were comfortably snuggled in Ivar’s arms, as you giggled at his bold gestures, eventually settling on a kiss to your forehead, insisting you both fell asleep, before it was too late.

But your body ached for more, definitely awake.

“… but seriously Ivar, I don’t… I don’t feel bad for you, and this isn’t pity” you muttered, tantalizing brushing your lips together, as he tightened his grip on your hair “… you are… different that is right, but you aren’t… you are more than anybody else because of that, I am sure, I swear it on the crown”.

He looked at you intensely and again you couldn’t understand what was going through his head, but you knew you had to say it.

The knowledge of your imminent death suddenly making you bold.

“… you are starting to blabber silly things, wife, you must be truly tired” he commented, but his eyes shone of true thankfulness, as he kissed your nose, tickling you softly, as he brought you closer, almost as if you were his own pillow “… go to sleep, lovely”.

“I like it when you call me that” you softly muttered, but closed your eyes and sleep took you over.

---

You slept comfortably, although it wasn’t anything more than an endless slumber, black but relaxing.

Your limbs felt as heavy as iron, and as you moved on your side to find a more comfortable pose, grimacing at the pain that shot from a small hit you had received the previous day, meanwhile you were training with Lia.

The handmaiden had tried to apologize, but you had simply complimented her on her strong right hook, making her laugh awkwardly, as she checked your face for any improper reply.

You felt Ivar matching your movements, bringing you back to his chest, as he softly moved you closer, making you smirk.

A week before he had been so cold with you, enough to make you feel at great unease, but now…

… he was cuddling you closer, as if you were of extreme value.

“… would you mind staying still?” he commented, making you well aware that he had woken up at the same time you had turned around, his grouchy voice making you rub unconsciously your legs together.

“It is late” you commented, seeing the sun pouring up through the thick veils of your tent, but what made you aware that you had both overslept was the fact that you could hear the life of the settlement moving up all around you.

Something that you strangely found familiar.

“… don’t you have some mischievous plan to plot?” you teased Ivar, feeling him growl annoyedly at your comment, as he turned on his back.

“You are devious” he lightly pinched your side, making you elbow him right back, although you laughed loudly “… and I do have things to do, but I don’t… I don’t want to get up”.

The confession made your body tremble lightly, because it felt truly heartfelt.

You knew that Ivar had some kind of infatuation with you or with at least the artificial version of you he had in his mind.

And you had survived for that, among the Vikings.

But his latest comment felt damnably true, as if both your feelings for each other were becoming… real.

And it almost scared you.

“… me neither” you mumbled, as his head shot to you, surprised by your own admission, finally bringing you closer as you felt the cleavage of your nightgown slide down and the part on your legs riding up “… but if I don’t bring my handmaidens to Hilde, this morning, they’ll organize a conspiracy against me”.

“I doubt it” protested Ivar loudly, pushing himself softly onto you, to physically prevent you from raising yourself “… they are all enamored with you”.

“Uh uh” you nodded lightly, as your eyes twinkled lightly “… I can actually think of a few people that don’t want me here”.

His eyes became sharp, as you commented that, a threat in them.

Not against you.

But against anybody who had dared hurting you.

Part of you almost wanted to confess him the pain your father had made you undergo, alongside the one that would happen when all of this was over.

Because you knew that he’d shelter you form that.

“… you are very much wanted here” he breathed on your lips, as he lightly pushed your hair away from your face, with a delicateness that made you blush, as you leaned in his hand “... please stay this morning in bed”.

“I can’t” you bit your lips, feeling like it was a true ache to your chest.

But you knew that you couldn’t indulge any longer.

You had to finish the letter to send to Alexander before lunch time, since you had asked him to join you for lunch and you had to go to Hilde, since she had already sent you a small note to let you know that she had a dress for you.

The fact that you hadn’t asked one made you a bit confused by the request of the tailor, but you loved deeply the creations she had gotten for you, hence you couldn’t deny her.

“… what if I made you stay” and then he was on top of you, a pleasurable oppression, that made you laugh, as his hands went to tickle your side, a playful side of him coming out as you tried to kick him away, completely exiting the fight disheveled, but victorious, once you put one of your cold feet on his chest.

“I won’t tell anybody that I won” you promised him with a teasing smirk on your face, as you finally managed to slip away from his hold, although you had to admit that it was definitely less warm than Ivar’s arms, who simply pouted at you.

“… I let you win” he stated, with a stubborn look, as you simply showed him your tongue, making him crack a laugh “… ok ok, I’ll let you go, but give me a kiss first”.

“Say ‘please’ ” it was almost natural, the banter between you, and Ivar shot you a quick look, before he added:

“… give me a kiss, please” and you did.

You leaned in, being the first one that initiated the kiss between you, and it was tender, as Ivar this time was mindful of his tongue, preferring to suck on your upper lip and then bottom one, before you tried something, something that you had solely read about: you bit his lower lip, dragging it through your teeth, as you moved away from the kiss.

Ivar growled and soon he was yanking on your hands, not delicately in the slightest, but you found yourself not caring at all, when he returned the favor, biting you back, although his hold didn’t bruise, but it certainly made you moan softly.

And then he was away from you, your own punishment for having chastised him away quickly this morning, having denied him.

“… don’t you have somewhere to be?” he teased you, as you shot him annoyed look, but eventually moved out of the bed.

“You are impossible” you retorted, but before you turned completely, you saw the way his eyes flickered with interest for you.

“Don’t spend your entire dowry my wife” he commented, staying in bed like a playful cat, as he stared up at you.

“Fear not, husband” you replied tightly, as you moved to the chair in front of your private desk, brushing away your hair, and you adjusted back the few jewels you had started wearing, gently opening the tent to tell the awaiting handmaidens, Arabella and Angelika, that morning, to wait a few more minutes, giving Ivar the chance to hide in his private alcove, and set himself up.

You got ready quickly almost on your own, since you hadn’t chosen a particularly complex dress, knowing that you’d have to try another one on, so you settled for a simple cream-colored gown, with golden accents, but nothing that was too tight.

Although the fabric was rich, since you had to meet up with Alexander, having finished the letter, meanwhile Angelika adjusted your hair (she was strangely good at it) and Arabella made you choose which essence to wear on your skin, it wasn’t one of your most luxurious dress.

You had pushed it into Arabella’s hands, assuring her to give it to one of the guards for Alexander, hoping that they wouldn’t read what was inside, although you hadn’t written anything scandalous.

Once you were ready to go, Ivar exited his own private quarters, revealing that he had bathed himself, and was again pushing himself in the braces, adjusting them on his own.

“… I am leaving and I’ll be back again for dinner time” you saluted him, coming closer to him, till you were face to face, and he pushed a light kiss on your hands “… have a blessed day, Ivar”.

“You as well, lovely one”.

You blushed, before you moved with the two girls on your tail, Angelika again shooting you a knowing look, meanwhile Arabella moved to send the letter out.

You moved to Hilde’s shop, the small woman welcoming you eagerly, as the handmaidens slowly appeared, all knowing the hour to meet you at the stop, as quite the crowd gathered around.

“My queen, you look more beautiful each day passing” Hilde bowed to you, as you ushered her to stand, denying her words gently, but accepting her compliments “… and you certainly do not lack of a loyal entourage”.

“… and they are all excited to try on your dresses” you commented excitedly, as the woman quickly moved to look at the other girls, as if she was searching what might fit them more.

“Oh yes, I know” she commented, as she moved to look up at you “… I saw in my dreams a flock of swans coming to my lake, and I knew that you wouldn’t have been alone today, sweetheart”.

You blushed at the affectionate comment, before Hilde moved away from to you, to examine each girl, as they reacted strangely meanwhile the smaller Nordic woman went past them, pulling on their hair or grabbing their hands to see the inside of it, muttering things such as ‘royal blue would suit’ or ‘green eyes for a golden gown’.

You smiled, feeling a bit at ease seeing your handmaidens starting to chat among each other, almost as if nothing had changed from their courtly life.

Almost as if they had settled in, like you.

You were quickly distracted, finding yourself to think that although you had been damnably scared by the Viking life, you were slowly growing into it, with their loose dress and most importantly… pants.

Although you were still uneasy about the entire ‘godly parts’, mostly their rituals.

Talking with Ivar during dinner last night, you had discovered that they’d be offering a sacrifice to the gods, that to your honor would have been an animal and not a human.

The sole thought of a human being sacrificed made your stomach turn around, and you were grateful you hadn’t done breakfast, hoping to eat something at the small market in the settlement.

Thankfully your head was pushed away from this by Hilde’s hands, grabbing onto yours with a tight grip, as she dragged inside her small tent, getting a piece of fabric down from a metal hanger in the semi-darkness of the tent, allowing a bit of privacy as she closed the tent behind herself.

A clear invite to try on the dress, which you found quite difficult to fit on your body, unused to this shape, and when you got out, all your handmaidens came around you, Angelika and Arabella barely holding back a laugh, meanwhile Caryn moved to adjust it alongside Lia.

Solveig, instead, lightly combed your messed-up hair with her wrinkly fingers, laughing at you, and when you were halfway settled, you turned to look at yourself in the small mirror outside of her tent, and… blushed.

The dress was of a deep purplish red, the color of royalty, set up on your middle with a golden belt, that tightened the dress, although it was left lightly puffy on the chest, in asymmetric cut that resembled the many dresses you had seen in the pictures of books about ancient Greece.

The lower part wasn’t tight but held a slit to allow you a more comfortable walk, but also exposing so much skin that you weren’t exactly sure would have been thought to be appropriate.

And it made your nervous.

It was beautiful.

But you had never worn anything like this.

And you weren’t sure it fitted you, rightfully.

Although it highlighted perfectly your body, you weren’t sure you had been able to bring justice to it.

“… Hilde it is beautiful” you commented softly, as you turned to her, who smiled at you”…but I am not sure… I mean… I am not sure it is made for me”.

Hilde had seemed shocked and almost offended, and you had immediately tried to explain to her why you didn’t feel like this dress belonged to you, although it was one of the most beautiful you had ever worn.

“… my queen” called out to you Hilde, with her usual emphasis on your title-that-wasn’t-yet-your-title “… I see insecurity in your own body, your eyes tell me that you aren’t used, but you have nothing to hide. You shine with beauty inside and out”.

You couldn’t help but be taken back by that comment, although you weren’t fully convinced, looking at yourself again in the mirror and noticing every little flaw of your body, as you had always done.

“… the crazy tailor is right” commented Angelika in English, making you blush lightly, as you were surprised by her words “… I hate to admit it, but you are prettier than me in that dress”.

“Girls! Check her temperature!” you joked to try to shimmer away the blush you felt on your cheeks “… she must be sick for what she is saying”.

“… but you look very very pretty, princess (Y/N)!” commented one of the youngest handmaidens, making you smile, as you bowed lightly.

“Believe me that dress fit you perfectly, girlie” added Solveig, adjusting the dress so that it could flow around you more perfectly “… many years to adjust dresses and I know when one just is… the one”.

“Ok ok” you ended up saying, unable to think of another way to refuse the gentle women “… I’ll take it”.

A chorus of laughter and mumbles of assent welcomed you, as Hilde then moved to offer various suggestions to the girls, as they entered her tent, leaving it as gorgeous princesses and beautiful ladies, as they commented all on the easiness of the dresses, comfortable as they twirled barefooted.

You hadn’t ever thought of being able to laugh like this, without your sister.

And suddenly something felt heavy on your chest.

Abigail and Kathleen.

What were they doing right now?

Did Kathleen know already you were safe and sound?

You’d have to suggest to Alexander to send her a letter to let her know you weren’t at risk of death anymore.

The morning soon passed in a whirlwind of fabric and you insisting to pay Hilde at least for the dresses of your beloved handmaidens, to which the woman agreed, as she clasped tight onto your hand, making you lower yourself closer to her.

‘… hard times are coming for you, my little bird’ she spoke with a tender tone, as her eyes were truthful ‘… that’s why I want you to feel like a queen, because that’s what you are, and you should never ever forget it’.

And although you had never believed this kind of thing, the words left a bitter taste in your mouth, as you moved to the place where you were supposed to meet Alexander, accompanied by Eleanor and Caryn, as always keeping her promise of serving you, and although you wanted nothing more than to go back to the intimacy you had.

But it seemed impossible.

“Princess, do you think that it is proper to meet another man without prince Ivar’s approval?” asked softly Eleanor, the more demure of your handmaidens, with soft hips and an amber gaze, and although you cherished her sweetness, you shot her a slight look, before you commented.

“… if you won’t say anything, I won’t either”.

And Caryn’s eyes spoke of a complicity that you recognized.

And hope wouldn’t be mistaken.

You knew that asking Ivar Ivar’s permission would have been as useful as trying to make a hole in the water, and that if you hadn’t done this, Alexander would have thought that you were still under the influence of Ivar, and he would have prolonged his staying here.

And as much as it didn’t weigh on you, it certainly did weigh on your reputation among the Vikings.

And Alexander’s staying was damnably painful.

It reminded you of past times, of different times that wouldn’t have ever come again.

Thankfully Alexander was a gentleman and didn’t make you wait, as your handmaidens moved to adjust everything to leave you a bit of privacy, and your best friend courtly bowed to you, kissing your hand, as he took in your curious appearance.

“… might I say that I haven’t still wrapped my mind around the Viking fashion?” he commented making you laugh light and blush painfully as you felt inadequate in your dress “… yesterday you wore pants”.

“They are comfortable” you tried protesting “… but we aren’t here to talk about me”.

“We are, I mean… I was sent to see if you were in brilliant shape which I might confirm” he commented dashingly “… you look beautiful, my princess”.

A slight blush spread on your cheeks, but nothing in you fluttered the way it did when Ivar gave you a compliment, to prove further the fact that you didn’t feel anything anymore for Alexander.

“… I am happy of this” you replied “… they treat me well, they haven’t hurt me”.

“You have been involved in a conspiration because of your husband!” he tried to shout, as you shot him an apologetic look.

“:.. wouldn’t it have happened also if I had remained in court?” you shot back, knowingly, as Alexander lightly hung his head between his shoulders as if he had been defeated.

“That’s why I told my father that I won’t take on his role till he dies…” he mumbled, as his eyes shot away from you and onto the land that bordered the Viking settlements “… I don’t want to be corrupted by any of that…”.

“… shit?” you tempted him, as this time it was his cheeks that blushed lightly.

“They corrupted you”.

“Actually… Kathleen taught me that” you replied, as he shot you an even more surprised look.

“Oh Gosh, have I missed you princess (Y/N)”.

---

The lunch had been quite satisfying and you had been glad to spend some time with Alexander, although the notion that he’d go back to England, and that you’d stay here was almost painful.

Training and the harmless chatter among your handmaidens felt comfortable to forget, but when you were left alone to wait for Ivar, who planned your return to Kattegat with his brothers, bad thoughts crowded your mind.

Not even your beloved books could satisfy you, and you were left to do nothing more than think about what would have happened if anything had happened to you once all of this was over and how guilty you felt at betraying Ivar, although you were doing it for the greater good.

Or at least this is what you said.

You were readjusting yourself on the bed for the fifth time, after you had sent both Turid and Solveig away, although the latter had made a small herb brewing to ease your soul.

Turid, instead, had been a quite peaceful presence, although you had started learning her way of communicate her needs, mostly noticing the way her eyes would follow lingering closer prince Hvitserk, when he came to eat with you in your tent.

And you had the good thought to tell him to keep his hands to himself, if he wanted to keep them.

Ivar caught you in a rather awkward position trying to read, as he walked in, unable to withhold a small smirk, as you readjusted with your cheeks full of red blush, trying to shimmer away the attention, telling him that Hvitserk had dropped some dinner also for him…

… hadn’t he decided to steal it, at the last minute.

‘… what a thoughtful thing’ he commented, joining you on bed, as you scrunched your nose to tell him not to drop anything on the clean sheets, since as much as you wouldn’t be the one changing them, you didn’t like to use Solveig or Turid more than necessary.

They had also had a dress, although both had insisted against it, saying they were low thralls born in slavery who had both grown up with nothing as precious as the dresses, but you couldn’t deny that they were part of the familiar group you had been slowly creating.

Turid with her comforting presence and Solveig with wisdom.

“… I’ll be careful” he commented softly, a light shiver going down your spine at that scruffy mumble “… but is everything alright with you?”.

“Just too many thoughts in my little head” you mumbled, softly, meanwhile Ivar basically ate the whole piece of meat in one bite, turning to you at that affirmation, as you moved to come to his side.

“… your head isn’t little, I think it is quite the contrary” he replied, gently kissing it, once he cleared his mouth ruthlessly on his dirty tunic, and you giggled scooting away, although the gesture had been quite welcome “… but that can be a curse, because it does indeed open us to too many thoughts and it is tiring”.

“You can say that”.

“Can I help you with your thoughts?” spoke tightly Ivar, as his eyes looked at you as if he wanted to know them but knew not to step further on your boundaries.

“I don’t think that there is much that will help me” you muttered sadly, leaning lightly your hand on his shoulder “… do you know something that might make me think about everything else than what is stuck in my mind”.

“… I might have a few ideas” and a few moments after you were set in front of a chess board, one of the many gifts that your father had brought to Ivar for your hand in marriage.

The figures were refinished but also long-lasting, as you examined through your fingers, meanwhile Ivar started to explain you the game and you felt the utter satisfaction of tell him that ‘you did know how to play’.

‘Who taught you?’ he had asked, meanwhile he adjusted the pieces on the board, him being the black ones and you the white ones,

‘Nobody, except myself. My father would have me and my sisters in the same room with him, meanwhile he played it, and I slowly took in his playing and strategies’.

What you were less happy was the fact that Ivar played much more brilliantly than your father, and soon you had two lost games on your shoulders.

‘This doesn’t make me feel better in the slightest’ you mumbled annoyedly, meanwhile Ivar set up the board again, laughing at your comment ‘… you should let me win’

“… that wouldn’t make it very fair”.

“But it would make me feel better”.

He laughed, before leaning in and pecking softly your lips, for the first time without you asking or igniting the kiss, something that made you cherish its sweetness and the comfortable way he was starting to make you feel around him.

“… just focus a bit more”.

And you did, trying to focus on the strategy that Ivar used, since although he was brilliant, his schemes were recurring and you had to break them, playing dirty as you smirked at Ivar, lowering lightly one sleeve of your nightgown, adjusting it meanwhile Ivar lost his bishop.

And then his king.

He looked displeased of having lost, but it didn’t take him long to calm himself, as he saw the sweet smile that appeared on your lips, and you had to admit that your mind was a bit less clouded, as you asked him again to play another game.

‘… I am feeling giddy over having won the great Ivar The Boneless, now you can’t seriously expect me to go to sleep’.

And you had played till very deep in the night, enough that you had both fall asleep on the board, risking a few pieces falling down the bed as you woke up with your back aching but strangely relaxed, Ivar’s hands having drifted gently onto yours, almost touching.

“… if anybody asks…” he muttered, before you both dove under the covers “… we slept like this because we were both tired and not because we spent the entire night playing chess”.

“Understood, my prince” you commented, finishing the deal with a soft kiss on his cheek, as he blushed, laughing lightly “… we could have breakfast in bed, I’ll just have to tell Turid, if you want to readjust the covers in the meanwhile…”.

“That seems lovely” he commented, before his gaze caught onto you “… you are lovely”.

“I doubt it” you moved away, to hide your blushing cheeks, meanwhile Ivar instead brought you closer to him, pushing you onto his laps, as you immediately hid your face between your fingers.

“… you look beautiful” he tried to push your hands away, meanwhile he brought you closer “… (Y/N) the Lovely, that’s what they should call you”.

“That sounds tantalizing delightful” you commented, trying to get away from him, as suddenly your mind became awake with horrible thoughts, thoughts about the fact that Ivar didn’t know that your beauty was nothing but a front.

Whatever he found beautiful in you, would have been his damnation.

“You are tantalizing delightful” he said it in English, making you tremble at his thick accent, before he let you up, a slight blush on his own face, as you felt his lower body against you, a sensation that made you giddy, but you quickly set up to your own mission, meanwhile Ivar did his.

You covered yourself with a thick woolen mantle, not trying to think about the sinful way you had almost wanted Ivar a few minutes ago, but you honestly should stop, if not for yourself, for some correctness for him, who seemed thoroughly enamored with you.

And he was starting to like you for you.

And it was a beautiful sensation for somebody who had never had something like that, but you felt like you were leeching on that love.

And it pained you.

Turid was already awake and was more than happy to steal a few sweets from you, meanwhile Solveig gave a few orders around, mostly because Hilde had sent the dresses and they had to be adjusted and brought to its rightful owner.

You were glad to help her a bit, not fully knowing why you didn’t feel comfortable approaching Ivar yet, not after your small dialogue.

“… slept well, my lady?” piped in Angelika, strangely already awake, as she set beside you and Solveig.

“Heavenly” you muttered, hissing through your teeth.

“… you should learn when to speak and when to keep your mouth closed” muttered in Norse Solveig, getting surprised when Angelika shot her an annoyed look, obviously annoyed and completely understanding what the Viking thrall said.

“And you that I can completely understand you” retorted Angelika with the fakest smile, as Solveig shot her one poisonous of her own, something that made you move between them, before things could escalate.

“… calm down” you commented to both “… it is just morning”.

“It is never too early for anything” Angelika replied, before moving away, as Lia came to get her in an attempt to avoid any fights, for which you were thankful “… and I am joining you this afternoon, for the training”.

She said it almost as if she was the leader, the princess of the castle, and you were able to simply nod.

You were almost thankful when Turid came back with the breakfast, warning Solveig to avoid Angelika, as the old woman simply shot you another look as if to say that ‘she had handled worse’.

You moved back in the tent, surprised not to see Ivar, but you quickly heard water splashing, as your private bathroom was lightly closed by the rough piece of fabric that divided it from the rest of the tent, thick enough to hide from the gaze.

But not from the ears of others.

In fact, you heard a few grumbles, that became suddenly more animalistic gruntles, something that made you question whether Ivar was hurt, as you lightly called out his name, the noises from the bathroom completely disappearing.

Ivar replied tightly, his voice slightly high and feminine, as he invited you to start eating without me.

‘Just leave me something, little beastie’.

‘Don’t even try’ you replied, forgetting quickly about the strange behavior of Ivar, simply thinking that he was bathing, and the grumbles and grunts were due to his strain in moving around the bathtub.

On his most tired days, he’d need also help.

It was confirmed as Ivar came back, his hair lightly wet, as he slithered around the bed, since he hadn’t worn his braces, to come up to you, raising himself onto the bed, solely through the help of his arm, a show that made you hot and bothered, as you blushed at that wondrous sight.

“… did I ruin your appetite?” mumbled grumpily Ivar, as he saw that you had stopped eating to observe him, something that made you almost choke on what you were eating “… well that is the most dramatic reaction I ever got”.

But he gently offered you ale, that you refused, and once you were able to breath without tasting the sweet in your nose, you moved to softly lean in, closer to him, reassuring him physically that he didn’t disgust you, since you were slowly starting to understand that with him anything physical was more effective than words.

“I was actually admiring you” you commented coyly, seeing a slight blush appear on his cheeks.

“… admiring me?”.

“Yes” you nodded softly, as you took one of the sweets, and moved to feed it to Ivar, who seemed an hungry and curious beast, looking at you with smart eyes, as you moved to gently slip the sweet past his plump lips “… you must have noticed that I might have a slight fascination with your muscles”.

“You do?” there was genuine surprise in his eyes, as you lightly retreated the sugary treats from his lips, before they could wrap around it.

“… I do” you were now suddenly the one all blushy.

And Ivar looked all smug about it, as he moved to softly bit onto the treat in your hand, but you quickly moved it away from him, before pushing it onto your mouth.

He shot you an offended look and then he turned to you and before you knew it, he pushed you down the bed, playfully, properly pinning you down, as you laughed softly, but were quickly shut up by Ivar kissing you.

And he chased the taste of the sweet in your mouth, as you laughed softly, at the affection.

“… you are an hungry minx” he commented, as he grabbed a sweet, meanwhile you were too taken aback by the kiss to properly react like a human creature “… but I am glad you like my muscles”.

“Don’t push it” you muttered, knowing that you had dug your own tomb.

“Oh, I will” he replied, kissing your forehead “… I’ll walk shirtless simply for the pleasure of teasing you princess”.

“That’d definitely help me with my bad thoughts”.

You both erupted in laughter, as you exchanged sweets and kisses.

And then Ivar left you, surprising you one last time, as he told you that he had taken it upon himself to invite Alexander over for dinner, which surprised you, but Ivar simply told you that it was better ‘to keep your enemies closer’.

And although you were glad that you hadn’t to undergo anything unknown to Ivar to see your friend, you had a bad feeling about it.

But you didn’t say much more to Ivar, as you said your ‘goodbyes’ to him with a soft kiss, that Ivar deepened dirtily, making you moan softly, something that brought a beautiful color on your cheeks.

That Hvitserk noticed immediately as he come to lounge in your tent, in a vague attempt of stealing the leftovers of your breakfast with Ivar.

‘… you got the hots for my brother, don’t you?’ he commented, before he seemed to rethink over the words he had said ‘… I never thought I’d say that’.

“Then don’t say it” you mumbled, trying to appear busy as you wrote letters to your sisters, hoping that Alexander could bring them to their recipients “… don’t stick your nose in my business or…”.

“… or you’ll curse me, I know… I know” he muttered under his breath “… it is just that… I haven’t seen Ivar this happy in… so much… since…”.

“… since what?” you asked, your spying personality finally coming up as your ears peaked up, although your father’s own purposes were quite away from your own, in that moment, and you wanted to know it all just to make you understand more Ivar.

As a lover would do.

“… since our mother’s death” Hvitserk’s growl let out much more emotion than his eyes did, a tight smirk replacing his usual open smile “… he hasn’t thought about much else than his revenge, actually”.

“Revenge?” you felt almost dumbfounded discovering all of this “… on who?”.

You couldn’t help but feel a shrill of worry and fear, as if you were suddenly travelling in unknown territory and you weren’t sure to have the means to exit it.

“… on Lagertha, our mother’s murderer” he explained, almost as if it was a bitter bite, too much for him, sadly “… Ivar took it at heart especially, he and our mother, Aslaug had a close bond”.

“I am sorry for your loss, still” you commented softly, as you moved a hand to grip on Hvitserk’s one, who simply smirked sadly at you, exiting quickly your hold on his hand.

“It didn’t… it didn’t affect me as much as it affected Ivar” he simply justified it “… to me his crazy plan to get revenge is… crazy, indeed”.

You couldn’t help but see uneasiness and eagerness in Hvitserk’s eyes, almost as if he hadn’t ever been asked his opinion about this, and at the same time he ached for it, in a way that made everything unsolved.

“Christians frown upon revenge” you said, softly “… but I lost a mother and although revenge wouldn’t bring her back, I sometimes… I do understand why Ivar feels like that”

You knew that this was a deep confession for you, since you had never dared to admit your feelings against your father to anybody.

You knew that although he hadn’t killed your mother, his constant beatings had made her frail health even more at danger, and then one day they had been too much.

And your mother laid lifeless, white as a lily on her bed.

And you had cried your heart out.

Also fear had always shone in your eyes, and it had been confessed to your sisters, but you had never commented the anger against your father that brew inside of you, and suddenly was let out, as Hvitserk sent you a small surprised look, before you shook the bad feeling away from your face, feigning again innocence.

“… it is just that sometimes Ivar can be extreme”.

“On that I agree”.

“… is he also extreme in bed?” Hvitserk lightly wiggled his eyebrows, as you elbowed him, something that stole the breath away from the young boy.

“Why are you all so noisy?”.

“Because you are the wife of a prince” he smirked, before assuming a royal tone “… your own life doesn’t belong to you anymore, but to the people”.

“… that seems utter bullshit” your profanity made Hvitserk shoot a surprised look at your profanity “… I learned from the best”.

“I can’t believe that you think I am the best at something” Hvitserk crooked a soft a smile at you “… but this won’t avoid a talk about all the things that could embarrass my brother”.

“… you should stop doing that” the mutter left your mouth, and your brother-in-law looked at you confusedly “… trying to embarrass Ivar”.

“It is just brotherly teasing” he almost seemed annoyed by your noisy invasion.

“… not it isn’t” you commented tightly, because although you didn’t want to annoy Hvitserk “… I have sisters, and although you think that we, women, are tamer than you, believe me we are as ruthless as males if not more… and we don’t… sometimes with Ivar you seem a bit too mean”.

“… you don’t know him” Hvitserk’s anger shine his own words, and you knew that you should have kept your mouth shut.

“… I just know that it should be teasing and not anger” you commented and Hvitserk’s eyes lowered, almost admitting that you were right “… but what can I know, I am simply a stupid woman”.

That’s what your father would have told you.

But Hvitserk simply grabbed your hand this time.

“… you are a blessing, princess”.

---

The rest of the day had slowly moved itself in a monotonous pace, something that had made the dinner the most interesting part of the day, but as soon as Alexander moved in, completely closed off, you found yourself revaluing your excitedness.

‘Come, lord Alexander, or at least that is the title that my wife told me you own…’ commented Ivar, with a snobby smirk that made you also uneasy, and you shot him a light look to tell him to be ‘nice’ ‘… sit beside us, it’ll be our honor’.

Alexander hadn’t reacted in a better way, nodding as he bowed to you, but not to any of the brothers, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Ivar and Ubbe, both grimacing, meanwhile Bjorn looked too drunk for it as he talked with Halfdan and Hvitserk was already staring at a few of his ‘victims’ of the night.

You welcomed Alexander with an attentive mind, as he complimented your choice of dress, a deep maroon one, bordering with red, and lined with argent details, something that gave you a mature look, definitely more Saxon.

“… are you having a nice staying?” you asked softly, as you turned to Alexander, knowing that not many would approach him and that Ivar had already started a conversation with Ubbe, in Norse, probably talking shit about Alexander, if you were understanding right.

“I am, and the men are used to worse” joked Alexander “… the settlements seem… truly a work of art or… of the Devil”.

“That’s because you haven’t seen the marketplace” you commented gingerly, gaining an amazed look from Alexander “… I told you: they might be Vikings but they aren’t heathens”.

“And silly me who thought they were the same thing”.

The dinner continued among your chatters and your soft laughs, as Ivar sometimes would gently grip your hair or rub your thigh over your dress, almost a confirmation that you were still there.

That you were with him, beside him.

And you would answer, turning for a sweet smile solely for him.

And Alexander would roll his eyes.

But what got truly a reaction from him was when you revealed to him why you would be hosting celebrations, for the lands that you had given up on Ivar, as his eyes showed true offense.

“… why did you?!”.

“It’s no big deal, Alexander” you replied, trying to calm him down, meanwhile you saw heads turning to you and since your popularity rate was negative, you tried to avoid a scene “… he told he’ll give me back those lands”.

“… your lands, exactly!” he shouted, and Ivar behind you stiffened, his hand tightening around the knife on his side, and you comforted him with a quick look, as you invited Alexander out, your tight and strong tone surprising him enough that when realization kicked in, you were already out.

“You don’t understand Alexander” you commented once you were out of earshot “… I did this to keep you protected”.

“I should be the one doing it” also his tone was a bright hiss “… and I have been failing miserably at it”.

“I don’t need protecting” you replied tightly, surprised at those words, because had Alexander uttered the same words a few years ago you would have fallen in his arms.

But you had undergone so much that you felt numb.

And that you knew you could handle yourself.

Although it was ungrateful.

But Alexander’s behavior was out of line, completely.

“… it doesn’t seem so” his tone surprised you, because although you knew that Alexander could be arrogant, his tone now was down right derisive “… you have been involved in a conspiration and you have had to give up on lands that belonged to you by birthright”.

“But I am still alive!” you shouted, in exasperation, as he backed away from you “… it might seem idiotic, but let me tell you… I have survived so much that I know how to take care of myself”.

You hadn’t ever been that knowing of your willingness to live as in that moment.

And you had never felt that strong as in that moment.

And you looked like it straightening up your back.

You weren’t a pawn in this game anymore.

Since the conspiracy had set a target on your head, you had taken a more active role.

And you wouldn’t relent it.

“My father will probably has explained you why I am here truly…” you whispered lightly, trying not to be heard, although only night was around you “… he bargained my life with the devil. And let me tell you that I thought I’d have been destroyed, but I am here, I am still here”.

This was your own kingdom and you wouldn’t relent the crown easily, although you knew your role and you’d follow your father’s orders, but you wouldn’t tolerate the prejudices and prohibitions everyone around you gave you.

And then suddenly, before you could register his movements, Alexander was onto you.

He was kissing you.

And you were too surprised to react properly.

But something settled in you.

Dreariness of having been forced in the act, that made you immediately push away your old best friend, as you would have done with an attacker, focusing on the strength of your arms hitting him on the chest with your elbows, since he was stronger than you.

And then you felt free.

For the rest operated his surprise.

And soon he was off you.

And you couldn’t deny your surprise

As a feeling of hollowness settled on your stomach.

It was matched by the disgust on your lips at such a gesture, something that seemed more an arrogant claiming of you than a true kiss.

And you didn’t belong to anybody.

“… what?” you asked him, as you brought a hand to your lips, wondering whether it had happened or not, but the look of pure hurt on Alexander confirmed that he had indeed kissed you “… we can’t”.

“We could run away” now his eyes moved into an almost manic state, something that made you nervous “… we could run away and hide in my own lands”.

“We can’t” this time you weren’t hesitant and neither merciful “… we would be caught and believe me I just can’t leave now…”.

“… you don’t have to be your father’s spy” Alexander promised you “… this isn’t something that you have to do anymore, don’t you understand it? We can live in freedom”.

“As long as my father lives, there won’t be any freedom for me” your eyebrows furrowed annoyedly at the fact that Alexander just couldn’t understand.

You didn’t belong to anybody, but your body followed your father’s orders still.

But there was more behind it.

You didn’t want Alexander.

You weren’t in love with him.

And it wasn’t something you could fake.

“You have changed” his tone seemed almost a bittersweet reprimand “… before I left for Ireland, you wouldn’t have thought about running away with me”.

And as much as your words hurt you, you felt like they were the most appropriate.

“Before you left Ireland, I was in love with you”.

Before Ireland had been an era away.

If you had thought that entire years had passed since you had last been in England, among Saxons, and it was enough to change you completely.

But the truth is that you hadn’t changed much.

You had just scraped away the convictions and insecurities that had kept you tame.

Those words shocked Alexander, and this time he was the one who pushed himself away from you, shooting you a tight look, almost wounded, but you couldn’t live in a lie, even more when your heart was steering towards Ivar, although it shouldn’t.

You had to admit that you felt guilty for the kiss you had briefly shared with Alexander although it was unwanted.

“… and you aren’t anymore” he almost seemed heartbroken, as he got back from that angry stupor.

“I don’t think that it was love from the start” your voice were almost cutting in your own mouth “… and I know that you didn’t love me back then, we were simply good friends, and I had a crush on you, but you chased somebody else’s skirt”.

“You are bitter because I didn’t notice you back then?” his tone seemed almost spiteful, almost as insult for you.

“No, no” you spat back “… you did break my heart, but this doesn’t mean that I am trying to make you pay for it. I just… this isn’t… this isn’t anything personal, but my heart isn’t yours”.

“Is it that heathen’s?” this time his words were straight up insult, as he spat on the ground between your feet, making you tremble on your place “… I hope you won’t cry when he stabs you in the back”.

“Wife?” Ivar appeared behind the flap of the tent, right on time, as you shook your head to push back tears, walking across Alexander as you shot him a quick look “… is everything alright?”.

“I am just tired, me and Alexander have talked about important matters…” and you turned lightly at Alexander as if to tell him to keep his mouth shut “… thoughts that made me nostalgic”.

“Then I’ll lead you back to our tent” Ivar clashed his teeth together, as he sent a sour look at Alexander, as if he wanted to punish him for having made you sad, and Alexander withheld his gaze, and for a moment you thought there would be a blown out fight “… let’s go”.

You were glad to follow Ivar, feeling a horrible sensation in your chest due to Alexander’s words.

They made you feel like a traitor.

But you knew you were right.

You couldn’t reciprocate his feelings and it wouldn’t have been right for him to fake them.

Even more when he wanted a life that you couldn’t give to him.

“You look truly troubled” mumbled tightly Ivar, as he saw you dropping without too many ceremonies on your shared bed, his eyes following you attentively and you tried to shift away all those bad emotions, for a tight smile.

“I just miss my sisters and Alexander reminded me of them” you faked, although your tone sounded honest, since it had been something that you had been thinking lately, the date of your departure coming closer and closer.

Alongside whether your father would have acted before Ivar’s departure or he would have let you go away, in a new land, that was unknown to you.

“… you could visit them one day” Ivar’s words were careful, but meaningful and they surprised you, as you raised lightly to look at him in the eyes, to see if he had spoken the truth “… I know that you’ll miss them when we’ll be in Kattegat. We could visit the castle,or they could come here”.

“That’d ease my mind greatly” you replied softly “… thank you”.

Ivar’s lips gently blessed your forehead, before he went to change.

“… of course, they are your family, after all”.

And that was the last thing that you had heard before a quite slumber took you.

---

The following day had been intense, something that you had been grateful since this meant that you didn’t have to overthink Alexander’s words and that feeling of guilt you had in your chest.

You almost understood why Hilde had blessed you with that dress.

You were feeling truly shitty.

So, you were thankful when during the middle of the afternoon your handmaidens and you started getting ready for the feast, the girls all twirling in their dresses, once they had ruthlessly pushed both Ivar and Hvitserk away.

A few took care of your hair, making sure that the crown Ivar had gifted you shone in them, meanwhile others adjusted you in the dress.

You had allowed the handmaidens to borrow some of your jewels, and you had almost risked your arms being cut off when you opened the box with your most precious jewels, eventually settling up on one for each girls, trying to avoid fights.

It felt almost as your own court, with no envy and no injustices, no fear and no ignorance.

It almost made you feel pride for what you had done.

In the end you had chosen to wear the dress Hilde had gifted you, almost as a reaction to Alexander’s hateful words.

The dress would be your smart rebellion.

And as you shot one last look, once your hair was pushed up around the crown, meanwhile you wore the dress, matching it with deep rubies earrings, that brought attention to your face, giving it a clean look exposing every detail of your body, as Angelika reddened your cheeks with some natural color and Caryn highlighted with expertise your eyes with a bit of kajal.

Angelika wore a royal blue gown, which you found quite fitting for the royal-looking girl, sporting a necklace with a small sapphire at its center, bringing attention to her cleavage.

Meanwhile Caryn’s dress was light almost white, highlighting the darkness of her precious skin, in a contrast that would have blinded any man, hadn’t her beauty blinded them first, matched with a collier of silver gold.

You looked like a mix between heathens and Saxons, in something that you felt didn’t fail to represent the duality of your nature.

And you felt almost good, as you exited your tent, right in time to take part in the sacrifice, with a fur mantle on your dress, hiding it completely since that night was cold and wet, as your handmaidens scurried behind you, Solveig grabbing the light train of your dress to avoid it dirtying.

First of all, you knew that there’d be the ritual sacrifice, which would happen outside and then the dinner would happen, something that you were honestly looking forward, but for the entire ritual sacrifice, you stood by Ivar’s side, trying to keep your eyes on the killing of an innocent animal.

You already felt sick to your stomach as you witnessed that.

The killing of a human wouldn’t have been something that you could stand, but you took one step at the time.

Your eyes moved around searching for Alexander almost scared to face him again, but you knew that there’d be no Saxons, at least for the ritual.

They’d join you on the dinner, and you almost hoped that Alexander wouldn’t be there, because you didn’t know what to say, how to approach him.

Had you been the previous princess, the one that desperately strived to satisfy everyone, you would have apologized.

But now the words were rough on your tongue.

Ivar’s clutched your hand as he felt you wavering away and you simply nodded at him, as the sacrifice was finished and the priestess, the same one who had officiated your marriage, moved to deck blood onto all the brothers, starting from Bjorn and moving onto Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar.

And you, as she stained your forehead with the blood, then lightly dipping some on your mouth, something for which you had to hold back vomit, but you did gratefully bow at the priestess, who also stained with the blood your furs, right onto your belly.

‘… next month may you not bleed, my princess’ she spoke and she bowed, before moving away, Ivar and you blushing lightly at the implication, but Ivar also mumbled a few thankful words, and then you moved inside, Ivar disappearing from your side, as Hvitserk brought him away, and Bjorn took your husband’s place, guiding you towards the Great Hall.

Thankfully Angelika wasn’t much behind you and Caryn was at her side, Turid trailing after them, something that made you feel more comfortable as you moved in the already full, main hall, many people setting their eyes on top of you and Bjorn moved inside, with you by his side, making idle conversation.

‘How are you finding yourself, here?’

‘Well, then I hope that you’ll say the same in Kattegat’.

‘Does your husband have any intension to overthrow my mother?’.

You feigned innocence at the last question, glad that you had reached your seats, your handmaidens, waiting to take off your fur.

You were thoroughly surprised that Bjorn had been so direct, even more when he had been so disinterested in you.

But you had learned better from your awful experience with Halfdan.

You had your barriers up this time.

“… does it look like Ivar involves me in his plans?” you commented harshly, trying to tell Bjorn to ‘mind his own business’ and ‘back off’, something that took him back, probably since he was used to women smiling their way into his pants “… and even if I knew, why would I tell you?”.

“Because you care to survive” he spoke, his tongue cutting but his eyes unfocused as if you weren’t anything else than a body, and you were happy not to have shed your fur yet “… Ivar won’t win against my mother, believe me, and I do know that you are smart enough to want to survive”.

“Maybe you overvalued me, prince Bjorn” you commented softly, appearing tamed, as you remembered what Nanna had taught you about attacking others, as your eyes became sharper “… and how can you be so sure that it’ll be your mother who’ll win?”.

‘Always hit where it hurts the most’.

And with that you turned around, facing a smirking Angelika, meanwhile Caryn gently pushed your fur off your shoulder, as Turid untangled the bow at your neck, and soon you were simply in your dress in front of the blonde prince, his eyes following every line of fabric as you turned around to face him again with a small smirk.

And then you moved to take your seat, as Bjorn set himself beside you, muttering a simple ‘lucky bastard’ and you couldn’t but smirk as you turned to Caryn, Turid and Angelika, who were at a different but not-too-distant table.

They all smirked brightly at you, proudly, as they exchanged laugh and you almost wished that you could damn etiquette and join them, feeling at unease without a familiar face by your side.

Even more when your eyes caught glimpses of Alexander not too far away, his eyes ignoring you, as they settled on the cup of ale in front of him.

Suddenly, he didn’t seem to hate that beverage anymore.

Nanna came onto your table to chat with you and with the side of your eye, you caught Angelika looking at her with interest and a questioning look and you shot her a devilish look of your own, the other woman simply shaking her head annoyedly.

And then Ivar appeared on the threshold, moving closer to you, who raised up to welcome him.

And to show him your dress.

As you did, the room went quickly silent, as everybody’s eyes were suddenly onto you.

And you didn’t know whether it was for the beautiful dress or for the way your crown caught onto light, coming to live.

Or whether it was for you.

For a moment you almost thought it was for you.

The excitement of the crowd quickly thrumming in your veins, as your eyes set up on Ivar’s surprised face, before a smirk came on his own face, his eyes were fixed on you, genuinely looking at you as if you were the most beautiful spectacle of nature.

And then he was in front of you, separated simply by a table, as you gently bowed your head at him, but he held your chin between his fingers to keep your face up, as he stared in your eyes.

“Apparently Freya blessed us with an appearance” his smirk was playful, and hadn’t you been in public you would have very much liked to kiss it off.

“My prince you make me blush with your compliments” you commented softly, moving to gently grab onto his hand, as he smiled back, kissing your forehead.

He then sat beside you, the entire room having been silent the entire time, as eyes looked at you, no glares or bad eyes, but simply glances of curiosity to the wife of their youngest prince.

The one they thought they’d never see smile at a woman, like that.

You were the unified front that your deal had wanted.

He settled himself down beside you, as soon as he could, walking with a fierceness that made you laugh, and he grabbed your hand under the table, as slowly the clatter of the room came back, helped by Hvitserk who asked ‘when dinner would be served?’.

Dinner was a whirlwind of conversations about nothing and everything, as Ivar gently caressed the back of your hand he held with his thumb and for a moment…

… for a moment you wished this moment could last for ever,

“… you do look actually more beautiful than Freya” commented Ivar in your ear, as he leaned in, making you blush as you shot back a small ‘flatterer’ “… you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met”.

“Then you mustn’t have seen many women” you teased him, as he boldly kissed you with a light laughter “… you have a way with words, husband…”.

“… and you love it” it was a bold comment, but it was rewarded with a quite smile from you.

“That I do”.

“Prince Ivar” some soldier called out, ruining your moment.

Lightly embarrassed of your actions, you immediately pushed your stare onto your plate, as Ivar left your side to converse privately with the soldier, something that you allowed with a small kiss to his hand, as you were instead dragged away by your handmaidens to dance, something that made your feet and cheeks ache, from dancing and smiling too much.

You hadn’t had so much fun… in for ever.

Once you were tired of dancing and you made sure that all the girls had rightful partners for the next few dances, the Saxons having joined in although shyly, you sat down waiting for Ivar to come back, wanting to breath a bit and not feel the stench of sweat and beer attaching itself to your body.

And you were drinking ale, as you felt somebody sitting beside you.

Ubbe.

You recognized him as you raised your eyes to him, finally realizing that his gaze wasn’t set up on you, as he started to speak with you, but on Ivar who was talking surrounded by a few of his most trusted soldiers, from which you recognized his own private guards.

“… whatever deal is between you two, I am impressed that it is actually working” someone commented loudly, as they sit next to you, and when you turned you realized it was Ubbe, his insinuation making you blush.

“... or maybe we are simply enjoying the wedding bliss” you replied tightly, trying to match his disinterested tone “… you should know about it, Ivar told me that you have a wife”.

You knew that you had hit him, as you felt his teeth clatter together and tighten his jaw, but it was only a minute before that calm storm reappeared in his eyes, and you should have seen coming that nothing pleasant would happen next.

“I do think that it started all out as a deal between you two, I know my brother enough to know what he is like…” he commented as if he already knew all about it, but you just tried to ignore it, hating the way all this men seemed to know everything about you, thinking they could do better.

It reminded you of your father’s controlling ways.

“… but I think that somehow you are slowly falling in love with him” Ubbe’s admission was what your heart had hidden you in these days, almost since the start of your marriage with Ivar “… that’s why I want you to know this before anything gets further with my brother”.

You expected Ubbe to tell you about his plan to dethrone Lagertha or how moody Ivar can be…

But what Ubbe said next hit you so strongly.

“Ivar killed our brother, Sigurd”.

You choked on your own breath, as your eyes finally turned to Ubbe, almost expecting him to admit that it was a terrible joke, that he had played because he was jealous of Ivar’s happiness, but Ubbe looked back at you with a strong gaze, withholding your panicked look.

“… Sigurd and Ivar’s relationship wasn’t always good, but once, meanwhile we were also feasting Ivar threw an axe at Sigurd, and he hit him, he killed him”.

“Why are you telling me this” your voice was choked, and you couldn’t hide it.

“… because think what he did to his own blood, without any remorse…” Ubbe’s eyes were hungry for your pain “… you might own his heart, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t kill you if you betray him”-

Your feet moved on their own, as you got up, raising yourself so fast that for a moment you were startled, but your body seemed to know better, since it brought you out of the room, in the dizzyingly cold air of the night.

Somebody followed you.

Later you discovered it was Hvitserk and Nanna.

And Ivar.

“(Y/N)!” he called out to you, as you stopped in your steps, him coming closer to you, as he gently touched your shoulder, something that awakened a fear in you, and you moved startled away.

“… is it true?” your words were a simple tremble, a bare whisper, and Ivar looked at you not knowing what you meant “… did you seriously kill your brother?”.

Because if he did, any stupid illusion you had created in your mind broke down.

The silly thought of a life with him wouldn’t be broken by your own father’s ambitions, but by the fact that if he had murdered his brother, his own blood, he wouldn’t have hesitated to do the same for you.

And your love couldn’t overshadow fear in that moment.

In those days you had lost yourself in a beautiful fantasy, forgetting the harsh reality.

Alexander would have laughed loudly at this, his own prophecy coming true.

“… we can talk about it” he choked on his own words, his blue eyes hiding themselves away from yours, almost as if he was scared of your scrutiny.

And in that moment, you realized how stupid you had been.

How blind.

It didn’t take much as you looked in Ivar’s shadowed eyes to realize it was the truth.

You had lied to him, but he had also left out important pieces.

And now you were left broken.

---

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flying-nightwing · 5 years ago

Text

Dark Fox (7/7)

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read Dark Fox! It was my first longer serie ever since my writing hiatus, and the first one I actually finished ever lmao. It was quite an adventure and I really enjoyed writing this persona. This is the last chapter to close the story. I hope you like it gang!

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Word Count: 6821

Warnings: usual

You hadn’t had a lazy morning in years, and you had all but forgotten how good it felt.

A single sun ray warmed the bed, making the temperature under the thin sheet just ideal. The slow, steady rise and fall of Jason’s chest under your head was soothing, as well as the random pattern his hand was drawing on your back. Usually, you’d have already trained and eaten by that time. Today, you had no intention of leaving the bed anytime soon. The last night had been spent fucking so many times in so many different ways, you were both exhausted and happier than before. Jason was even wilder than you remembered (or he got even better?), so much you were still riding the absolute high you had reached.

You traced his scars with your fingers; some old ones he had told you about, some you had put there yourself, and some others your had yet to know how he got them. You had a lot to catch up about.

“The last time we found ourselves like this,” You began, trailing your soft touch up and down the browned mark on his shoulder. It was as large as your sword, and a witness of the rocky beginning of your relationship. “I begged you to come back to the League with me”

He angled his head toward you. You could feel his eyes on you, half closed and relaxed as he’s even been. “But I begged you to follow me back here first”

It had been a heartbreaking moment. The build up of the unanswered question for a whole year had lead to there. None of you had wanted to talk about the time his training would be done, you had rather wanted to keep doing your stuff and ignore the impending separation. That morning hadn’t been unlike this one, with the sun coming through the hut and with you both on the hammock, naked and intertwined under the fur cover. He had broken the silence, asking you to forget the League and stay with him. Back then, you were so sure you could only reach Luthor through it. So you asked Jason to instead join the League at your side.

He had dressed up and left the hut, and you hadn’t heard from him from then until you crossed paths in Ukraine.

“I guess this is the fight you won” You smiled, flicking up your gaze to his. “Seeing as I’m here”

“The fight I won?” He raised his eyebrows. “Implying I didn’t win any other fight?”

“You did, but…” You teased, gently tapping your fingers up his collarbone. “Let’s face it, I still won most of them”

He gasped. “Excuse me?”

You smirked.

Before you could see him move, he rolled on top of you and caged you underneath him between his arms. His eyes were narrowed in indignation as he channeled his mean face on. It once might have worried you, but it had lost most of its purpose now. Especially since you were both naked.

“I’ve won plenty of fights against you” He sneered.

“Mhmm” You hummed, knowing all too well how he didn’t like to be challenged. You hadn’t poked at his pride in too long, so you couldn’t pass the occasion. “Sure you did”

“Have you forgotten what happens when the fighting range gets too small?”

You simply blinked.

“Or when I truly got angry? Or…”

You cocked your head to the side as he halted his words. Then, understanding flashed through his expression.

“You’re still riling me on purpose” He sighed.

“What did I like to say again?” You asked rhetorically, pausing for emphasis. “Ah, yes. When you’ll stop falling for it”

“I hate you”

“Don’t blame me for being such an easy target” You rolled your eyes. “Now come here”

“Bossy” He finally grinned. “I love it”

He lowered himself so his lips touched yours and kissed you softly. However, the moment didn’t last long, as his cell phone vibrated on the nightstand. You could feel the shift toward annoyance in his mood, and it only grew when the phone vibrated one more time, and another one after that. With a long sigh, he rolled off of you and to the side of his bed. He frowned, then all trace of displeasure at the interruption wiped off of his face.

“What is it?” You asked, peeking over his shoulder. He shut off the screen immediately.

“You’ll see” He chuckled. “Get dressed”

“Ooookay” You nodded slowly, watching him throw his legs on the side of the bed and reach for his shirt on the floor. You put on your clothes from the day before and went for the guest bedroom you had, changing into something clean. When you got out, Jason was waiting for you leaning on the doorframe.

“First though, breakfast”

You followed Jason, as you were still unfamiliar with the place. Sure, you had mapped the way from your room to the cave, and from the cave to every close escape around. But for the rest, you had barely the time or desire to explore. All this space was pointless to you, as you couldn’t figure out who would need all of this. However, it did provide a good way to avoid any Wayne during your stay, you’d give the manor this point.

But it didn’t allow you to avoid Bruce this time.

He caught you around a corner, and you three remained in a stare off for a few seconds. You knew it probably wouldn’t result in a fight, but your hand still hovered above the blade hidden at the back of your waistband.

“I think you have overstayed your welcome here”

Jason gritted his teeth, but you remained calm. You had expected this.

“I will be gone by tonight” You replied on a neutral tone, then pulled Jason with you to side step him.

“One more thing”

You halted your steps in the doorframe to the next room, turning your head to look at him. He hadn’t moved.

“I don’t want to see you in my city again”

“You must be fucking kidding me” Jason yelled, but you held up your arm to stop him from marching back to Bruce.

“Absolutely not” He turned to face you. “Ever since she’s came, she has conveniently disclosed very precise information on the weapon’s whereabouts, except when it mattered. And hid her family ties to Luthor”

“You think she’s working with him?” He scoffed.

“I don’t know, is she?”

Jason glanced at you, about to reply something, but you just shook your head at him. It was pointless to try and convince Bruce Wayne, especially since you knew your word could never overturn your suspicious behaviour. He rolled his eyes and walked away, and you were about to follow him before you paused.

“I’m not” You spoke up, and you could feel Bruce’s eyes on your back. “If you must know, I’ve come here to kill him, and I don’t need your permission for that”

With that, you walked away, not waiting for an answer from Bruce. You joined Jason in the kitchen, who was already working on cooking oatmeal. His jaw was still clenched, and his posture tense.

“I can’t believe the fucking audacity” He grumbled.

“He is entitled to his opinion of me” You shrugged and leaned on the counter next to him. “I don’t really care what he thinks about my intentions”

“Still” He sighed. “Are you still planning on finishing your mission?”

You crossed your arms against your torso and furrowed your eyebrows. You could just leave Batman and the others take care of it, and leave them to deal with Luthor. But again, you hadn’t came all this way to just give up.

“Bruce was very clear on his stance about me remaining involved in this shitshow” You hummed, before glancing up at Jason. “But we do have a bio weapon to stop, and I’m far from done with Luthor”

His disappointment morphed into a grin at your words. “Attagirl, that’s what I like to hear”

“I most certainly don’t like to leave things unfinished” The corner of your lips lifted. “You okay with going against Batman’s orders?”

“Oh my dear” He chuckled as he poured the oatmeal in two bowls. He glanced at you with an excited glint in his eyes. “Nobody has a better record of disobeying him than I do”

“Good”

He put a spoon in each bowl and handed you one. “Now we need to have a game plan for what’s next”

“Any idea?”

“I sure have” His grin widened. “I want to show you something”

He motioned you to follow him as he ate his oatmeal mid walk. He got down to the cave and led you to a small side room, where he grabbed the tablet on the table. You slowly ate your breakfast as you watched him press buttons and mumble to himself. Then, he turned to you.

“You ready?”

You nodded, unsure of what he was talking about. He dramatically pressed one more button, making the wall in front of you turn on itself with a woosh. Your eyes widened as you took in the content of the compartment.

“So?”

You blinked at glanced at Jason. Your grin slowly stretched to match his.

“Oh yeah” You nodded again, this time, with way more assurance. “This will definitely do”

----

Jason heard Bruce coming from miles away.

Even if he technically didn’t, his course of action was so predictable that the Bat’s dramatic landing on the rooftop behind him was no surprise at all.

“I thought I had made myself clear”

Jason stood up from his crouched position and turned to face him, arms crossed against his chest. “You did”

“Then what are you doing here?” He sighed in annoyance.

“Well obviously you’re blaming your wrong intel and failures on someone who has nothing to do with it, which is a classic you” He taunted. “So we’re here to finish the job. Her and I really do work well together, thanks for noticing”

“Red Hood” He warned.

“Batman” He mimicked.

Someone landing next to them grabbed their attention.

“Red Robin” Tim announced himself under Bruce’s hard glance and Jason’s amused one.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, I knew something was up when I didn’t see Foxy in the cage all day” He explained. “So I followed you here. By the way, where is she?”

As if on cue, a shadow dropped behind them. The movement did no go unnoticed, and as if on instinct, Tim spun around and threw a shuriken. His expression quickly changed as he realized who was in front of him.

There you were, still crouched from your landing and holding his shuriken mid air inches away from your face. You were smirking under your mask as Tim stared at you in disbelief.

“Twice” You spoke as you stood up fully. His eyes quickly scanned you from head to toes, almost overseeing you handing him back his shuriken. “Twice you have thrown one of these at me”

“Where’s the League suit?” He asked, slowly taking back his small weapon. “And you’re stupid bow?”

You shrugged, sharing a knowing glance with Jason. “I thought it was time for a change”

Then, understanding washed across his face. “Oh, oh my. You’ve dropped the League”

He did another once over. You had ditched the heavy coat for a lightweight suit made of silk and leather, with armored plastic on the stomach, the upper arms and the back. The arm bracers had smaller spikes than the previous ones, and you no longer wore a heavy mask. Instead, you had only kept your half mask and wore a hooded robe crossing on your torso. Your grappling hook was now in your utility belt, and your arrows were replaced with sharper, more volatile darts kept in a sheath on your thigh. You now had 25 regular darts, five explosive and your two classic sedatives. Only your sword remained on your back, so it would “unclog your aesthetic”, as Jason had put it.

You did like it better like that, the bow wasn’t your style anyway.

The new gear was still all black, for the exception of a silver kitsune draw into the back of the armor that would show if you took off the robe. It was comfortable and flexible, and resistant to bullets and stabbing. Jason had hit the target right on with the design.

“Do you keep your wrist shooter?” He asked, squinting his eyes.

You raised your arm and shot over his shoulder to prove your point. He caught the small arrow mid air, nodding impressively.

“Still the best part of the suit” He muttered to himself.

“I thought you said you’d be gone” Bruce cut in. Your eyes went to him.

“I still have a couple of hours” You replied without missing a beat.

“Talking about” Jason said. “Your time window just opened”

“You can either help us or stay out of the way” You told Bruce as you adjusted you comm. “But this is happening regardless”

He didn’t speak right away, taking a moment to ponder your words. Then, he voiced his thoughts. “Are you going to kill him?”

You held eye contact for a few seconds more before taking off. You ran along the ledge and jumped on the next building, then letting yourself slide down the fire escape. You chose not no reply to him, as you didn’t need to give him another reason to come after you. Granted, not replying was practically the equivalent of giving a positive answer, but at least it could give you the benefit of the doubt for what it was worth.

Using the shadows of the city, you quickly made your way through the blocks by the back alleys until you reached the imposing tower in the middle of the Diamond district, the same building you and Tim had sacked for show barely a week before. Whatever damage you had done, it didn’t show anymore. It was like nothing had happened.

This time, you came in by the front door. The second you walked through the glass doors, all activity stopped. You took a few step forward, and four guards met you halfway in the lobby. Without a word, they escorted you past the front desk and through the metal detector going off like crazy. Anytime you could have easily gotten rid of them, but you held back for now. You waited a short time for the elevator, then got in and up to Luthor’s floor. He was waiting for you by the window, and turned around with a smirk once you got in his office. You pulled back your hood and unclasped your mask.

“I see you’ve got a new look” He pointed out. “Changed your mind about the league?”

“Something like that”

“Well, I’m most certainly pleased to see you’ve decide to do the right thing” He took a step forward. “This is where you belong”

Slowly, you reached for your sword and took it out. A shadow passed across his face, and nodded to something behind you. Or rather, someone. You dropped to a crouch to avoid the tazer being stuck in your back--once was enough--and thrusted your sword in the legs of the guys around you. You rolled forward and shot the four guards coming your way, before jumping on the desk and holding them in your aim. Luthor now had four new guards around, letting you know more would come if he needed. You reloaded your crossbow.

“I’m disappointed” He revealed with a sigh. “Those were good men”

“Let it be a reminder I can and will take them all out if they're in my way” You twirled your sword. “Step forward and none of them die with you tonight”

“How noble” He chuckled, not concerned at all. His hand rested in his pocket and his stance was relaxed. “Did your boyfriend with the red helmet tell you to do that?”

You shot an arrow to his knee, but he easily side stepped it like he had predicted that move. He raised an eyebrow.

“I see” He hummed. “But I had expected you would deny your destiny. So I decided to help you make a choice”

Four more men came in the room and ran at you. You vaulted over them and landed behind them, taking them by surprise. Before the could fully turn around, they were on the ground. You wiped your sword in the crook of your elbow and faced Luthor again. He was watching, unwavering, almost out of the door. He was stalling, that was clear, but you didn’t know for what yet. He smirked again, and you knew he’d finally reveal his thoughts.

“Now I know you won’t back down like last time” He taunted, and your jaw clenched. “So I guess you can come at me now, tear through my guards and get to me…”

You narrowed your eyes, knowing there was something more coming. He wouldn’t make it that easy for you to get to him.

“But like I said, I had expected trouble from you, like your mother before you” He sighed sarcastically. “So I prepared a backup plan. I decided to launch my weapon sooner and instead use it elsewhere, since you forced my hand. In twenty minutes, it will discharge quite literally the plague in the city aqueduct”

You tensed, your hand going to your ear to your comm and turning it on.

“Ah, I don’t think telling your friends will work” He tsked. “The only way to stop it is through my genetic code”

“Therefore mine” You concluded.

“Smart” He mocked. “Yes. So you can either kill me here and get it over with, or you can run around and save a bunch of people, and miss your shot. Again. But you don’t have the time to do both, I’m afraid”

You calculated his ultimatum, and he was right. If he kept the men coming, it would be enough to stall you too long for you to go from the diamond district to the aqueduct. He had planned this move carefully, knowing he’d get a win in either case.

“Don’t worry, the cure is ready to go, there won’t be much casualties” He brushed off. “You came here to kill me, didn’t you?”

You flexed your fingers on the hilt of your sword.

“Do it” He challenged. “That’s what you are. You were made to finish what you started, to stop at nothing to get what you want. This is how I made you, even if I disapprove what you’ve done with my gifts. So go ahead, kill me and prove me right”

He was almost in your face now, staring right at you. You straightened your back and levelled up with him, feeling something strange, yet not unwelcomed, swelling in your chest. You thought about Jason and what he said, about those civilians you saved from a certain death, and about the man in front of you. Seeing him from so close, you realized every ounce of anger you held toward Luthor was… Gone. You thought with him so close you would be tempted to fight him, but all you could feel was indifference. He didn’t matter to you anymore, he never should have. He represented your insecurities, and tried to drag you down with him to excuse his own failure in making you a copy of himself. You became aware he was a pointless chase, and you had better things to do than indulge in it.

“I’m the Dark Fox” You jutted your chin up, squaring up your shoulders. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do”

You turned around and jumped over the desk, grabbing an explosive arrow and throwing it in the window. You jumped through as it exploded, plunging down the building. You pulled out your grappling line and hooked it on your shooter, then aimed for the roof. It slowed your fall midway, and you used your glove to slow yourself down.

As your feet touched the ground, you saw Jason’s motorcycle pull in in front of the building. You put back your sword in its sheath and your mask on your face, then your hood up.

“Aqueduct, we’ve got fifteen minutes” You spoke as you climbed on the bike.

“Yep, I heard everything” He had a grin in his voice. Yet, he didn’t go yet.

“What?”

“I am so fucking proud of you”

You felt your neck heat up as you looked down, even if he couldn’t see you, in fact, you were glad he couldn’t. You never knew his praise would make you react that way, or that you would be so important for you to hear it.

“And for the record” He added. “It was very hot, too”

“Fucking hell, Jay, go!”

“Fine” He sighed and sped away from there.

“Okay so what is your thing with jumping out of windows?” Tim said through your comm. You had no idea he had stayed.

“It makes me feel less dead” You replied, and Jason audibly laughed.

“You madwoman”

“Since you’re here, I have a task for you” You said. “Could you pull out the files on the weapon and figure out how the failsafe works?”

“I’m already on it”

Then, a bullet barely grazed your shoulder. The sound followed closely after, but it was like in slow motion. You raised your arm to protect Jason's shoulder, letting the bullet hit your arm brace instead. Reacting quickly, you turned around facing backwards and shot an arrow through the gun aimed at you. You then noticed five motorcycles following you, probably tasked with taking you down.

“What’s going on? How many?”

“Keep driving” You ordered. “I’ll take care of this”

You shot another arrow, but it bounced on the body of the motorcycles, and from your position you couldn’t aim elsewhere. You emptied your arrows to get one good shot, and it was enough to take one down. But looking at your recharges, you only had ten darts left, and potentially more people to take down around the bomb. You looked down, then up again to the guns aimed at you.

“Fuck it”

You reached for one of Jason’s gun on his thigh and clicked the safety off. Then, you shot.

“Holy shit” Jason yelled, and you could only imagine his expression. “HOLY SHIT”

“Did… Did Foxy just use a gun?”

“I wish I could have seen that” He whined. “I am so turned on right now”

“Too much information Jaybird”

You clicked the safety back on and turned around again, then slipped the gun back in his holster.

“I thought you thought guns were disgraceful”

“I kind of still do” You smirked under your mask. “So don’t get used to it”

“You’ll at least do it once when I look, right?”

“Hmm, maybe” You hummed.

“Aww, aren’t you two the cutest”

“Shut up Tim” Jason warned.

“Alright then, I won’t tell you what I found on turning off the weapon”

“Speak, Tim” You contradicted Jason’s order.

“First you have to apologize for throwing me out of a window”

You thought for a moment before answering. “No”

“Then no intel”

You sighed.

“Let’s compromise then” You suggested. “I will not apologize because I am not sorry, but for the intel and not telling on me after you found out who I was, I will consider not pushing you out of a window again”

There was silence radio, then he spoke again. “Good enough for me. There should be a code pad, I decrypted it and the code is 0000. Yes I know, but then you’ll see a slit, and you gotta put your left hand in it. It’ll read pulse, heat, fingerprints, and more. Since you should share all of this with Luthor, it’ll stop. Or it’ll explode, that was unclear”

“Well that’s reassuring” Jason grumbled.

“Alright, we’re almost there” You rolled your eyes. “Thanks”

“See ya later”

You turned off your comm and reloaded your shooter minutes before Jason pulled in the aqueduct yard. He parked his bike and you both easily climbed the barbed wire fence, and even though the place looked deserted, you remained careful. Luthor wouldn’t have left his device without surveillance. You grabbed your sword and fell in step behind Jason, who had his guns up. Then, he halted his steps and held a hand for you to do the same. You had this feeling you were being watched, and you could only imagine he had it too.

“Get ready” Just as he said that, bullets began raining over you. “Go find the weapon, I’ll cover you!”

You held an arm up to protect your face and disappeared into the darkness. You kept running along the walls of the building, allowing you to get in undetected. You reached the main water room, where you could see from the upper platform about eight guards surrounding the very device you had been hunting. The countdown indicated 2:37, so you had no time to lose.

You jumped over the ramp and landed quietly on your feet behind the men. You approached the first one and swung your sword around to let it rest on his neck. You used him as a shield as the other guards noticed you, blocking their bullets. You raised your arm and shot your five darts at them. You pushed the dead man off of you and faced the two remaining guards, taking a fighting stance and swirling your sword at them. Before they could start shooting again, you lunged and knocked their guns out of their hands. They kept fighting around you, trying to get to you with punches and kicks. But they were sloppy and predictable, and even after one fetched a small blade from his belt, they were no match for you. You glanced at the countdown, and it almost reached the one minute mark. Your eyes then trailed on the two guards around you, still trying to get the upper hand. They both extended their arms at the same time for a hit, so you dropped to a crouch.

Like you did during training with Bruce and Damian, you sweeped your sword in a quick motion. Unlike them, however, your current opponent weren’t quick nor skilled. The blade of your katana sliced their knees, making them collapse on the ground. You quickly reloaded your last round of arrows and sheathed your sword, then made your way to the device. You easily found the locked pad and entered the code, then pulled off your glove and stuck your hand in the slit. You pressed the button and watched as the biometrical scan began.

You heard noise behind you as backup reached the room, and without taking your hand out, you turned your body and aimed. The first five men fell, but there were still five coming your way, so you reached for your shurikens in your belt. But you didn’t get to take them out as other, all too familiar shaped shurikens reached the goons first. You sent a deadpan look at where you noticed none other than Red Robin standing there smugly.

“Oof, I hope you didn’t have dibs on them”

“I had it handled” You replied.

“I’m sure you did” He smirked as he walked past you and took a look at the countdown, then at the weapon. His expression turned grim. “Twenty seconds”

The scanner was still working.

“If it doesn’t work, you’ll have to slice the pipe off” You said, analysing the situation. Cutting the water and flooding the building would bring less casualties than letting the virus flow in the water system.

“What!?”

The system unlocked. You quickly entered the command to stop, and the countdown halted. You pulled your hand back and put on your glove again, then grabbed an explosive arrow. You planted the dart in the slit and backed up, pushing Tim with you. Soon enough, it went off and the weapon went up in smoke.

“Phew, that was close” He blinked. “Well played”

“Motherfucking Dark Fox!” Jason dropped from the platform at his turn. His helmet was off and he had a wide grin on his face. “That’s what I call making a difference! The League could never”

“That was really cool” He nodded in approval. “By the way, what happened to, you know..?”

“Did you do it?” Jason’s eyes were now on you, his grin not so intense now.

“He’s gone” You said, but it didn’t help ease the questions in their eyes. “As in, I don’t know where he is. I let him flee to come here instead”

Jason’s eyes widened. “And you’re fine with this?”

You shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore. His time will come, like everyone else. I just won’t be involved when it does”

“That was unexpected” He whistled. “But hey, what goes for you goes for me. Love the new mentality”

“Killing him was what the League would have wanted”

“That’s nice. Good choice” Tim nodded. “So you’ll stay here then?”

“Well, not here, since bats and foxes apparently don’t get along” You snorted as you unclasped your mask and pulled back your hood. “But I’ll be around”

“About that, how does Blüdhaven sounds?” Jason chimed in again, sliding a hand around your shoulder. You raised your eyebrows at him “I’ve got a pretty nice place there, and it’s technically not Gotham”

“That won’t be necessary” A deep voice came from behind you. You glanced over your shoulder where the massive shadow of Batman stood. “I’ve seen you work tonight. You acted good, I can allow you to stay in Gotham as the Dark Fox”

Jason coughed in surprise as you blinked, then turned around.

“Thank you” You began, nodding respectfully. Jason’s wide glance was now directed to you. “But no thanks. Besides, I still don’t need your blessing to stay, or to be me”

Bruce stared at you blankly, not moving or commenting. Your guess was that he wasn’t expecting this answer, or at least not delivered this way.

“Oh, B” Jason mocked as he put back his helmet. “Nice try. Anyway, we should get out of here before the cops show up”

You put back up your mask and hood and followed Jason out, waving at Tim on your way out. You left the aqueduct and waited until you were further into the city before ditching the bike and finding a rooftop to station yourself on, just in case you were being followed. The masks and helmets came off once again, and you took a moment to breathe the air from up there. It was a clear night, with a good wind chasing the clouds away. Jason observed the city lights with you, crouched on the ledge. Then, you heard quiet shuffling behind you. You spun around, then held Jason back when he was about to lunge. You kept your eyes on the outline of the figure in the shadows, knowing all too well who it belonged to. You took a few steps forward.

“You look different” Talia smiled. “A good different. I’m glad you finally found yourself”

“Thank you” You lowered your head. “For allowing me”

“I only want the best for you” She stepped closer to you, her smile never wavering. “Has he taken good care of you?”

You both glanced at Jason for a moment, and you chuckled. “He has. He was gentler than I’ve been to him”

“I figured he would” She winked. “You two were meant to be”

Your smile dropped as you looked down. Surely, she would know what it meant. Her sympathetic eyes fell on you and her hand rested on your shoulder. You had chosen to part with the League, therefore, with her. It would be the hardest part for you.

“You don’t have to explain” She reassured. “I knew this would come to this, and I am here to free you”

Your eyes shot up.

“I talked with my father” She explained. “Seeing your unwavering service for all these years, he has agreed to relieve you from your duties to the League. All he asks in exchange is for you to remain out of the League’s affairs, and he gave his word he will not come against you or your family”

“Really?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

Her smile was encouraging as she nodded at you. Slowly, you took off the black robe, exposing the silver fox on your back. Then you took out your sword from the sheath in your hands, kneeled and offered it to her. She took it and held it upright in front of you, just like the day you had been initiated in the League.

“In the name of Ra’s al Ghul, I release Thaelib fi alzalam from her servitude to the League of Assassins” She spoke. “Your debt has been paid and your bounds are no more. Rise”

You got back on your feet, your breathing hitching in your throat. You reached for your sword in her extended arm, looked down at it and putting it away again.

“Thank you”

“You’re very welcome” Her hand went to your cheek. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I will be there for you”

“And I for you” You gave her a genuine smile. She offered her arm, and you took it at the elbow like she did. Your foreheads touched for a few seconds before you pulled away with a step back.

“It was nice to see you again, Jason”

“You too, Talia” He nodded with a small curve on the corner of his lips.

“Take care, children” She said before disappearing in the darkness again.

Jason approached you and took your hand, gently pulling your around to face him. He had this glint in his eyes, it was full of relief and happiness like you had never seen on him. To be honest, you were feeling the same way. It was like a burden had been lifted off of your shoulders, and you had never felt lighter. Sure, it brought you uncertainty to navigate without the League’s guiding hand, one you had relied on for most of your life, but it felt right. You knew Jason would help you like you had helped him, and things would start to look up from now.

“So, what now?”

“I don’t know” You chuckled. “It’s the first time I don’t need to follow any agenda. I’m kind of lost”

“Ah, this calls for the return of Teacher Todd” He grinned. “Lesson number two, you get to learn what fun and freedom taste like”

----

The grass was high as your mid thigh and small bugs swarmed up with every step forward you took. You didn’t mind though, you prefered it ten folds to the smog of Gotham.

For Jason, however, it was a different story.

He was sweating and grunting, and even if he was behind you, you knew he was getting annoyed by the flies and mosquitoes around. He was swatting his hand wildly and you could tell he was slightly regretting sharing his suggestion to you. The sun was high, and even for the end of the summer it was surprisingly hot.

“Ugghhh”

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t stop.

“Are we there soon?” He asked. “Jeez I had forgotten how far was that thing”

“Come on, stop lying to yourself” You teased as you spotted a familiar path up a small hill. “You like this”

He scoffed. “It reminds me of my ass being kicked”

“As I said” You smirked over your shoulder, and he raised his eyebrows at you.

You climbed up the small hill and came face to face with a small, half decaying structure with the roof caved in by the elements. Moss and grass was growing on the outside of the round walls, but the feeling of home you had subconsciously associated with it was very much intact. Jason stopped behind you, his annoyance completely gone and replaced by fondness over the sight in front of him. There were so many memories tied to the small hut, some bad but mostly good, and it was like you could feel them all at once. You dropped your bag on the ground and took a deep breath.

“So, was the trek up here worth it?”

“Fuck yes” He sighed in amazement, his eyes never leaving the hut. “I missed this place so much”

“Even if we had to work hard for survival?”

“Being here alone with you far outweighed any inconvenience this place brings” He stepped closer to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. Who would have ever thought? His nose nuzzled on your neck and your relaxed in his arms. “We’ll still have to do a bit of renovation around though”

“I hope you’ll help me this time” You looked up at him innocently. Last time you had built the hut alone before Talia had brought Jason, and even if he had been there, you would have absolutely not trusted him to help you with anything

“But you’re so hot when you work” He pouted. “I wanna watch and enjoy the view”

“And how would you make up all that work to me?” You asked, then you felt him smile on your skin. A smile full of mischief and promises.

“Oh, I have plenty of ideas”

“Oh me too” You grinned, stepping out of his arms, then you winked at him and disappeared in the hut. Only one hammock was still up, the other had fallen on the ground due to broken ropes. Stones of the small fireplaces were kicked in and weeds were growing around. The kitchen supplies were scattered around the makeshift shelf, but otherwise the place seemed to have been left untouched by human activity. Jason followed suit and took in the damages.

“Do you think we can still both get onto this hammock without the ropes breaking?” He asked, side glancing at you. You rubbed your chin in wonder, then hummed.

“There is only one way to know for sure” You tilted your head to the side. You nodded at each other and he walked around you, with you in tow. He carefully lowered himself first, then opened his arms for you. You joined him, and waited for a few second to test the resistance of the ropes. You heard them creaking and straining, but you were still hanging. You relaxed, and barely a second after, the ropes snapped.

In a blink, you were on the ground, and both of your weights made the wood give in. You ended up in the dirt, directly on the forest floor. yOu remained in silence for a moment blinking at each other.

“Well” You sighed. “The hammock could not support us both”

“Alright, there is a lot to do” He conceded. “How about you fix this baby, and I’ll gather the wood for the fire, hunt dinner and get the herbs for tea?”

“That’s more like it” You said as you stood up and dusted off your pants. You offered a hand to Jason and you pulled him up with you. “Do you remember where are the bows and arrows?”

“In the bark of the oak facing the boulder, yeah”

“Good” You chuckled. “I wasn’t sure you’d get it right”

“Come on” He groaned playfully. “I was quite a good student”

“Oh not at all” You laughed, taking a step in his personal space and looking up at him. “The worst, actually. You’re lucky you learned fast, or we’d still be there”

“Then I should have dragged my training on purpose” His lips hovered above yours. “You’d still be my incredibly unforgiving yet very hot teacher, and I your wild, stubborn and irresistible student”

“Hmm, does another sword in your shoulder sound good?”

“Only if I get to face you hand to hand”

“You’ve got yourself a deal” You whispered, before backing away abruptly. He blinked in confusion. “But it’ll have to wait. It’s almost sundown and we need to be installed by then. So get your sweet ass out there and stop distracting me here”

He sighed. “Why do I like it so much when you order me around?”

“I have no idea” You tapped his chest. “But the quicker we prepare everything, the sooner we can go to the lake for a swim under the stars”

He perked up at that, and with wide, excited eyes, he shot out of the hut faster than you could register. You chuckled and leaned on the threshold, lazily crossing your arms against your chest and taking a deep breath. You stared outside for a moment, enjoying the breeze and the sound of nature surrounding you. It was peaceful and beautiful, taking it in fully.

Then, you got to work.

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