#another rollercoaster chapter
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Forget to Remember, Chapter 16 Fandom: Alan Wake (Video Games) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fictional Alex Casey/Alan Wake Additional Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Canon Compliant, Canon Retelling, POV First Person, Romance, Horror, Angst, Drama, Humor, Friendship, Character Study, Self-Discovery, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Miscommunication, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Established Relationship, Alan Wake Has 99 Problems and Dramatic Irony Is #1 Series: Part 2 of Kill Your Darlings Summary: The trip to Bright Falls was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, a chance to get out from under the collapsed remains of my writing career and to reconnect with my wife. But it was just another part of the spiral. The longest fall into dark depths. I landed into the arms of the person I least expected, the hero I had forgotten.
After a grueling "therapy" session with Doctor Emil Hartman, Alan returns to his room at Cauldron Lake Lodge emotionally exhausted and uncertain of how to process everything unearthed in the conversation.
Read chapter 16 on Ao3!
#alan wake 2#alan wake#alex casey#caseywake#remedy entertainment#wondrouswendy's writing#fictional alex casey#forget to remember fic#I hope you enjoy this chapter! thank you so much for reading the fic!#this chapter is another emotional rollercoaster so buckle up!
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classic noda mood whiplash
#dogsred#i feel like another mangaka might’ve lingered on rou’s comment and that punch an#sat with it for a lil longer#but not noda. he said nope camel spin#this whole chapter was a rollercoaster#also wait is the ice guy sitting on nihei’s lap lol
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HEARTS ON THE MEND NOW HAS OVER 20,000 HITS!!!
wtf y’all
#hearts on the mend#nearly 900 kudos as well which is incredible!!#already working on the next chapter too so hopefully I’ll have that done in another week or so#this next one is another emotional rollercoaster but for once it’s not about Zuko!!#hope you’re hype!!!
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i just finished the obelisk fic 🧎🏻♀️➡️
#man it was like 43 chapters of hurt/no comfort#except like chapter 28 when sanji and zoro finally reunited#that was a rollercoaster of emotions#it was very much action packed too!#anyway…..another fic added to the vault
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OOOOHHHHH MMMMYYYYY GGGGAAAWWWDDDDD! NOT ME OVER HERE CRYING BC OF ZOMBIE SEONGHWA!
“Seonghwa frowned intensely. *I'm strongggg, l'll protect." The hard T left his tongue between his teeth cutely.” Like I just imagine he speaks semi close to the dad from Coraline when he was trying not to hurt Coraline and that alone has me ready to CRYYYYY! When he brings up craving strawberries and not craving the brains. I’m ready to throw everything into the window for zombie Hwa😭.
The part where Seonghwa is watering the flowers and is excited about the new seeds😭, CRYING, SCREAMING, FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! The fact even tho he’s a zombie he still has human tendencies and gardening is one of them has me in such shambles like it’s so cute and domestic. The world is shit and here zombie Hwa is being all cute and gardening😭💙.
"I'm okay?" He asked, looking up at you with big eyes as you stood up.” "Yes, baby, your daisy is healthy and thriving," You assured him.” AUTHOR I WANT YOU LOCKED UP FOR THISSSS😭🤪! The fact that performing maintenance on zombie Hwas flower and he acts like a big baby is just like heart wrenching. IM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT MUCH LONGER! It’s cute that zombie Hwa is so compliant with letting y/n do what they please to the flower like up keeping it, and constantly checking it and he never takes it super personal. ID FAIL EVERY DAMN TRIAL BC WHY IS ZOMBIE HWA SO DOMESTIC/HUSBAND LIKE?!
“More often than naught, you had to tug Seonghwa from searching amongst the zombies for your long lost friends. He was convinced that they had also been saved, like he had, he just had to find them. But Seonghwa always listened and kept up with your pace when you rattled off the flowers you thought each of your friends would sport.
"Daffodil for Yunho," You started to name off,
"Honeysuckle for Yeosang, Larkspur for San, Poppy for Mingi, Marigolds for Jongho and Chrysanthemum for Wooyoung."
"We don't have any marigolds," Seonghwa began to panic.” When I tell you my heart clenched at this part I dead got so emotional. The fact Hwa is still on the search for their friends bc he thinks they may have been saved too he just had to find them is so heart clenching😭. The flowers tho? So accurately match each member. The daffodil for Yunho? Chefs kiss. WHAT IS THIS SERIES DOING TO ME?!? I gotta book two therapy sessions after this chapter bc one session not going to be enough for me.
Oh that," Hongjoong rolled his eyes, "Seonghwa doesn't know who he is, he's simply a demon I made. This Seonghwa, zombie Seonghwa, loves strawberries but demon Seonghwa doesn't even know what strawberries taste like, darling.” Do you guys hear that..? THE SOUND OF MY HEART SNAPPING INTO A BILLION PIECES?! IM HEARTBROKE FRRRRR. OMG I FR WOULDVE KICKED HONGJOONG IN THE SHINS LIKE WHY YOU CRUSHING MY DELULU DREAM LIKE THAT?!?
Seonghwa ignored Hongjoong and strode purposely towards you, gently bumping his forehead against yours. "Remember saving me, remember my cock inside of you, remember our friends--"
"--who are also demons and she's fucked,"
Hongjoong completed Seonghwa's sentence.
"You can't have this one!" Seonghwa pushed you behind him protectively, shouting at Hongjoong.
"I won't let you! She let all of us in."
"I already told you," Hongjoong smiled dangerously, "She's mine." PARAMEDICCCCC SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE, WOMAN DOWNNNN, WOMAN FUCKING DOWNNN😭💔💔KIM HONGJOONG YOU ASSHOLE I HATE YOU love this man and his toxicity in the series SO MUCH!
"What was Hongjoong talking about when he said you wrote a good story? What was that?" You asked.
"It's my story, Seonghwa admitted, "There's no title because it's incomplete. I write it because-" he pressed his lips together, "I want to feel loved." He met your eyes and then avoided them guiltily,
"I write it so that perhaps a future traveler will get sucked in and won't go to the restricted section."
Y/N WHY WONT YOU LOVE HIM?! LET ME IN THE LIBRARY I GOT ENOUGH LOVE TO GO AROUND ILL TREAT THEM ALL RIGHT! MY HEARTTTTTTT IS CRUSHEDDDD! The fact it’s no title bc it’s incomplete just💔😭!!! HE JUST WANTED TO FEEL LOVED! Y/N LOVE HIM YOU JERK BAG! The fact he wants a future traveler to get so sucked in they just stay put. Let me know the directions to the library bc fear no more a true lover girl is on her way Seonghwa😭!
"For what it's worth," Seonghwa called out to you,
"I did love you." GOOD FUCKING BYE WORLDDDDD! GOOD RIDDANCE, IM NEVER COMING BACK😭💔. Seonghwas chapter was so damn heart and gut wrenching like this was some angst angst fr. Did I cry while reading this chapter? Yes. Yes I did. Did it fog up my glasses? Yes, yes it did. Do I regret it? Nope. No I do not. My Gawd..this chapter was so damn amazing. You absolutely are crushing this series. I’m going to be so sad when it ends😭but this series is going to be a constant reread for me. I applaud you once again, you did another phenomenal chapter. I’m so excited to see what Joongs chapter has in store! Now if you excuse me…I have to contact my insurance company and tell them to start billing you for emotional distress😭😂.
Library of Illusions~ Keeper of the Keys
Strawberries and Cream
📚Part Seven for the Library Of Illusions Event
📚Pairing: Zombie! Seonghwa x Survivor! Reader (f)
📚Genre: Fantasy au, Apocalyptic au, Zombie Au, established relationship
📚Warnings: mentions of death, bdsm (bound and gagged, collar and leash hwa), penetrative sex without a barrier, strength kink, female masturbation, cum eating, oral (m receiving), marking (scratching), f and m orgasm
📚Word Count: 4,779
📚Rating: 18+ MDNI, smut
📚Summary: Upon being sucked into a story involuntarily along with Seonghwa, you appear in a world where zombies are subdued with flowers, but will you ever leave???
📚Dedication: @mejuii & @downtoamagicalland the best beta readers a writer could bribe have
📚A/N~ Shout out to this text post that has haunted me with ideas for two years but finally i'm seeing it through: https://www.tumblr.com/wingkkun-main/663711029046411264/plotbunny-hutch-otherwindow-palceholder?source=share
↫The Mystery Section ↭ MasterList ↭ The Restricted Section ↬
Seonghwa blinked several times. “I’m not sure that’s supposed to happen.”
You weakly pushed him away but ended up collapsing in his chair. “What do you mean? You’re the keeper of the keys!”
Seonghwa winced. “I know that! You acquire the six keys, they open the gate, I’m the one that explained the rules to you!”
You threw up your hands in exasperation. “And yet?!”
Seonghwa brought his thumb and forefinger to his chin. “There has to be something we’re missing. But why can’t I recall?”
“There’s still one more key to acquire.” The confident voice that had been teasing and mocking you this entire journey spoke and you bristled with anger immediately.
“Is this another trick?” You demanded. You stood up but then your head pounded wildly again.
“What’s one more demon to seduce, hmmm?”
A demon appeared, one with a curling smile that you were very, very familiar with. “Hongjoong?!”
“Don’t you want to see me?” Hongjoong prompted you.
Seonghwa looked wildly from you to Hongjoong several times. “How do you know him?”
“How…how are you here?” You demanded. Your throat was tight and tears pricked your eyes.
Hongjoong shrugged. “It’s the world we live in, where anything is possible, as long as you think it, right?”
“I’ll do whatever is required of me.” You fell to your knees. “Just as long as you don’t go anywhere.”
Hongjoong laughed, a belly laugh that made your heart ache. “Well that would make Seonghwa’s story awkward, wouldn’t it?”
“Seonghwa’s story?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Ah, shit,” Seonghwa said with a pained expression.
The book that Seonghwa had been reading when you had woken him up upon returning from Wooyoung's section, the one with the flowers along the spine but no title, flew from its spot on Seonghwa’s desk. It landed upright with its pages flipping open until it halted and grew to the size of a door. The center for the book was transparent except for a field of flowers and a cottage.
Seonghwa’s eyes widened in surprise. “But that’s--!”
This time there was no voluntary walking into the book, the book sucked you in like a vacuum, but this time, Seonghwa traveled with you. One minute you were inside the library, books surrounding you, and then next, you were in the middle of a garden that appeared both human designed and wild.
Seonghwa no longer sported his shoulder harness, black tank top with leather cumberband and baggy black pants. Instead he wore a turquoise bomber jacket, jeans and white t-shirt.
“Seonghwa, where are we?” You wondered.
Seonghwa cocked his head. There was another tiny detail that you noticed that you had missed. There was a tiny daisy growing from his ear. He smiled, it was slow but happy. “Myyyyy flooweerrrrrr.”
That was weird. Why did he sound like a…the word zombie popped in your head and all went crazy. Rushed memories of running from creatures that only attacked bad smells. The discovery that flowers and all good smells were the only way to stay alive. The world adapting to flowers being the center of everyone’s world. Seonghwa getting bitten by throwing himself in front of a zombie that was about to bite you and protecting you. You lovingly planting a small daisy in his ear that you found where he was bitten, desperate to keep your boyfriend with you. The move from the city to an abandoned cottage on the outskirts. The learning curve of what Seonghwa could and could not do. The garden you cultivated by learning the meanings of flowers.
You shook your head. What had you been doing before?
“Pretty flower,” Seonghwa whispered, cupping your face.
“Hi Hwa,” You smiled adoringly.
“Foraginggggg tiiiimmeee?” He asked, adjust the woven basket he had in his arms.
You wrinkled your nose. “We’re running out of mushrooms but you know how dangerous it is to go to where the trees are decaying. The zombies are so prevalent there.”
Seonghwa frowned intensely. “I’m stronngggg, I’ll protect.” The hard T left his tongue between his teeth cutely.
“Alright, alright, I won’t insult you anymore. Let me just make sure I have my emergency seed packs and machete and we’ll go.”
“Straaaaawberries?” Seonghwa wondered as you two began your trek into the deep forest.
“You think the wild ones are ready to pick? I don’t want to pick them when they’re still growing, sir, that’s a tragedy.”
Seonghwa chuckled slowly. “But I craaaaave themmmm.”
You froze in your spot and turned around slowly. Your eyes went to Seonghwa’s daisy and he frowned. “Just strawberries. Not brains.”
You pressed your lips together. “I’m sorry, baby,” You murmured. Still you moved to his side, went on your tippy toes and Seonghwa patiently turned his head so you could inspect the cheerful daisy that kept him from trying to tear you apart. It was healthy and vibrant. You placed a kiss on Seonghwa’s cheek in thanks for enduring your worries. “I’ll pick the strawberries for you, even if they aren’t fully grown. I’ll even see if the neighbors have milk. Maybe we could have strawberries and cream as a reward for getting the mushrooms.”
Seonghwa growled in happiness and then the two of you began your journey.
Once back at the cottage, mushrooms masked in a pack sewn with rosemary, a fresh bottle of milk and carefully picked strawberries, you made a feast for the both of you. Even though there was always the risk of the zombies, the anxiety was always washed over by the sense of domestic bliss with Seonghwa. You’re reminded every day that you could be living in this world without him, so you always try to soak up as much love and time with him as you can.
And that includes getting fucked by him.
Seonghwa looked so damn good, happy and content to have had the strawberries with fresh whip cream, that you climbed on his lap as he licked his lips. “Baby, do you think we could fit in some playtime today?” You chirped.
Seonghwa’s eyes widened in surprise. “Can we?”
“I’ll just--” Seonghwa’s hand clamped down on your wrist as you sought to scramble out of his lap, pulling you back against his chest. He was always careful with his extra strength after becoming a zombie but he was aware of how you enjoyed it when he used it against you sometimes.
Seonghwa brought his lips to yours, carefully, slowly, and you could taste the strawberries still on his tongue. His tongue explored your mouth and you let him, because soon enough, he would be without choice in anything while you played. You felt his dick twitch in his pants as he kissed you and you dove your hands into his thick hair.
“Does Hwa wanna play?” You cooed again and Seonghwa nodded quickly. “Do you want all the equipment this time, baby?” Seonghwa nodded again, this time with a little shy duck of his chin against his chest.
Preparation for playtime, with all of his equipment, included a collar and leash, bindings to keep his arms behind his back and a ball gag. The performance that Seonghwa was a raging zombie, that you had to keep him restrained, but that you still wanted to fuck yourself on him, was a game you both enjoyed. Seonghwa enjoyed being restrained and you enjoyed the pretend danger.
Seonghwa’s clothes all remained on but you slowly began to tug yours off. Seonghwa’s eyes remained glued on your body, eyes zooming to your tattoos, one for each of your lost friends. A switchblade for Wooyoung on your shoulder, a motorbike on your neck for Yunho, a drop of blue blood on your bicep for Jongho, a pyramid on your sternum for San, a tentacle on your forearm for Mingi, and a dragon on your hip for Yeosang. Seonghwa yanked hard on his restraints, dying to run his tongue along them all. But that’s what made playing with Seonghwa so fun! He wanted to do many things for you but couldn't.
You sat on a beat up loveseat and spread yourself for Seonghwa’s viewing pleasure and began to play with yourself. “Oh hwa, remember the days when you used to spend hours in between my legs? You would eat me out through so many orgasms, god, I used to be at the mercy of your libido.”
Seonghwa made needy noises in front of you and you couldn't help but smile mischievously. “Those were the days, huh, Hwa? And now look at what I have to do? Have to--” You bit down on your lip as you pushed a finger into your eager hole, “--have to prep myself with my fingers.” You moaned as you started to pump yourself a few times before taking the wetness and playing with your clit. “Not as nice as with your pretty fingers, Hwa baby, but it’ll have to do hmmm?”
Seonghwa’s adam’s apple moved as he swallowed, his tongue moving the ball gag in his mouth slowly. “I’m gonna be so wet for you Hwa, just you wait, you’re gonna slip right into me,” You promised.
Seonghwa’s desperation showed as he thrusted forward in his jeans, barely acquiring any friction to his poor, pathetic, needy cock.
“Hey remember the time we figured out you liked being restrained, before the zombies dropped?” You mentioned absentmindedly. “Mingi ate me out so fucking well while you watched.” You groaned as you continued to play with yourself. “Your dick was so angry and so wet, it was so hot. And Mingi loved every moment of getting what you owned but couldn't have.”
You almost brough yourself to completion but there was more fun to have with Seonghwa so you halted yourself. You crouched in front of Seonghwa, undoing his jeans and pulling down both them and his underwear to reveal his long, extremely hard but velvety cock. You cooed at how his precum was already dripping from his slit. Then you got up off the loveseat, bending over in front of Seonghwa, and bracing yourself with both hands against the cushions of the loveseat. At last, you pushed yourself back on Seonghwa's cock, rolling your eyes into the back of your head. "Fuck, Seonghwa, every time!"
Seonghwa whined, thrusting forward choppily. Drool was now dripping from his mouth to your ass, in fact, running down your asshole and into your pussy. Seonghwa couldn't help it, your cunt made him feral. There was a reason he had to have a collar with a leash, a ball gag and his hands tied behind his back.
With no way to control the fucking at all, Seonghwa had to take what you gave him. And in the beginning, it was always slow. You savored him like this, filling you, pushing into every inch of you. Then you would grow just as impatient as he would and you would bounce against his pelvis.
Seonghwa growled, the ball rolling wildly in his mouth. He wanted to slam into you, pound into you, hear that skin on skin slapping noise when he used to pin you against your bed and fuck you. But Seonghwa was a zombie now, the flower growing from his ear his only saving grace. He would never eat you, he would never decay like the others. He was perhaps a little more slower, a little more animalistic than he was previous to the apocalypse, but he still loved you. He was still Seonghwa.
"Gonna come for me, sweet boy?" You cooed, bringing his focus back on the present you. "Gonna fill me up with your sweet, sweet cum? Don't you love seeing it spilling out from me? Give me your cum, Hwa, and I'll scoop it out from my cunt and eat it."
Seonghwa came with a loud, painful-sounding whine. He spurted ropes and ropes of cum into you and you milked his cock for all that it was worth. And when Seonghwa whined about being overstimulated, you laughed. "Silly Hwa, you know you're good for at least two more rounds! Besides you gotta make me come. I need your long cock to fuck me good."
You pulled yourself off of him and took back your position on the loveset. You spread your pussy lips, dipping two fingers into your stretched hole, scooped up his cum, and eagerly sucked on your fingers. Seonghwa’s head was bent forward, breathing heavily, drops of sweat dripping off his sharp jawline. His eyes were wild with lust however and it sent a shiver down your spine.
“You like when I eat your cum from my pussy, baby?” You sang at him. Seonghwa whined and nodded his head. “You want me to take the gag off now?” Another nod and you did so for him.
Upon removing the gag, a long line of spit remained connecting between the gag and his tongue and your body reacted to it.
“Please, want your mouth,” Seonghwa begged.
“But Hwa, I’ve barely gotten off yet?” You pouted. You played with his now soft cock and Seonghwa whimpered but bucked into your touch. “You’re not ready to play yet anyways.”
“In. Your. Mouth.” Seonghwa enunciated every word carefully, very clear that he wasn’t asking anymore. And you’d do anything for your boyfriend.
You crouched in front of Seonghwa again, taking his soft cock into your mouth and Seonghwa moaned. Lust seemed to make his mind extra sharp sometimes, even though he was quite distracted by your mouth right now. “Made you suck me off in front of Yeosang, remember?”
You would have smiled in fondness if not for the fact that you were rolling and sucking Seonghwa’s dick back to life in your mouth.
“He was so whiney and so jealous. He didn’t even touch himself, he just watched as I guided your head down my cock. That was the first time you deepthroated me too,” Seonghwa mused.
You hummed happily, feeling Seonghwa’s cock begin to stir finally. You felt it as it grew in your mouth, until you could suck happily on his sensitive head while staring up at your zombie boyfriend. This was the life, wasn’t it? Reminiscing about your lost friends, giving Seonghwa all the pleasure he deserved, perhaps taking some for yourself.
And then you had a sharp, painful headache.
“Flower?” Seonghwa sounded worried.
You shook your head. “Probably just a headache from not getting off,” You joked.
“Untie me? Let me make love to you now? Playtime is over,” Seonghwa said.
You nodded, “You’re right.”
You undid his hands and arms first and then while you busied yourself with undoing his leash, he put his hands on yours. “Not the collar,” he commanded softly.
“Seonghwa,” You said his name, part gentle scolding, part love.
“I’ll always be yours,” He said, bumping his forehead against yours.
You intertwined your hands with his and tugged him to your shared bed. Seonghwa didn't have to sleep necessarily but you two liked to keep up the illusion. You lovingly helped Seonghwa out of the rest of his clothes and then wrapped your arms behind his neck. "How do you want me, lover?"
Seonghwa bent his neck and placed soft kisses on your neck, paying special attention to the motorbike tattoo there. His teeth helped mark your skin along your collarbones and you shivered for him. He kissed his way down the valley of your breasts and traced the pyramid tattoo there while his dark eyes met yours. Then he traveled down your tummy, finding the dragon tattoo, giving it one long lick and then he stood back up. "Want you to ride me," Seonghwa breathed out softly as a finger adoringly traced one of your nipples. "I want to look at your face when you take your pleasure from me."
"Hwa," You sighed happily
"Love you, Flower," he murmured.
"I--" A sharp headache interrupted you once again.
“No!” Wooyoung insisted, somewhat brattily, “I love you a lot, you know. A lot a lot. Forever and ever.”
You shook your head. That didn't seem right. What an odd time for you to imagine Wooyoung fucking you against a door?
"I love you too, baby," You cooed, pushing his hair out of his face.
But it was not until you pushed San's hair out of his eyes that he moaned into your mound and shifted upwards. His lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked, hard. It brought you to place your hands on the floor, bracing against the stone. The reaction only made him more enthusiastic. He greedily sucked at your swollen flesh, tongue lathing back and forth until you felt your climax approaching. So soon? Were you not a goddess? Was this really how you were to bestow the knowledge of--
Okay, that was really weird, you knew for A FACT that San never ate you out, even though he had begged Seonghwa after hearing Mingi had the same privilege before.
You watched with a distracted mind as Seonghwa moved backwards, almost falling over his own damn long legs, but making it to the bed and laying back, ready for you to ride him. Then you climbed over him and straddled--
You remained straddling Yunho on the floor but Yunho sat up, his upper body now vertical, holding himself up by his arms, palms flat on the concrete floor. You were cradling his head to your chest as he sucked on your tits. His eyes had widened upon seeing your nipples had been replaced with a cosmetic upgrade, making them a sea-foam green color. You continued to dominate your boss, having discovered that he also had a Mommy kink.
Not that you were into kink shaming anyone but you had zero recollection of Yunho having a mommy kink or sucking on your tits. You’d remember those lips around your nipple, that was for sure. What was with these odd memories that didn’t fit your world at all?
“Flower?”
“Baby, I’m gonna fuck you good, kay?” You attempted to disperse the odd thoughts and aching heart.
Seonghwa’s hands traveled up your legs before cupping your hips. You brought his eager, hard dick to your lower lips and rubbed his head against your folds. You were still wet and his cum was still leaking from your cunt, so it was easy to sink down on him. Even still, once you had him fully seated inside of you, his hand traveled over your hip and his thumb brushed your clit with a mixture of your juices and his. “Oh fuck, Hwa, yesssss,” You hissed in satisfaction.
Seonghwa smiled up at you. “If you wanted it so badly, all you had to do was ask.”
"Oh pretty, all you had to do was ask!" Jongho assured you and then plunged one finger inside of you.
The pain in your head was so bad that you slumped over onto Seonghwa’s chest. “Flower, if you have such a bad headache, we should stop.”
“No,” You whined, “Please, wanna cum.”
Seonghwa ran his fingers up and down your back, fingertips skimming the sensitive skin there, looking to soothe you. He anchored you to him, mentally, and you were connected to him physically, so what more could be done? You shifted your hips and the both of you moan at the sensation. You rocked against him, starting off slowly, tongue lazily playing with his nipple, until the urgency of your orgasm made you sit up straight. You began to bounce on Seonghwa’s cock, breasts moving with your motion, trying to do the most to give Seonghwa a pretty picture to view.
“Gonna come undone, just for you,” You panted, “It’s always for you, Hwa.”
Seonghwa rubbed your clit with his thumb again, and together with his cock hitting the end of you, you came with a strained cry. Your thighs shook and your pussy clenched and Seonghwa came for a second time. You sighed in satisfaction, eyes closed and happy your headache was now gone. Maybe it really had been because of your denied orgasm!
The two of you fell asleep in a rumbled pile, still connected as one, and you rose the next day, happily sore and got up to find some water that would have warmed up with the sun. You bathed and pondered how you would spend today. Seonghwa was busy doing his morning duties of watering the flowers. He murmured to them at how they were doing a great job keeping you safe and you had to duck your head to hide your smile. He could be so ridiculous sometimes! He thought since the flower kept him tame, that made him have a connection with them, thus he could communicate with them.
“Seong--hwa!” You leaned out the window on the first floor. "What do you wanna do today?"
Seonghwa cocked his head, forgetting that he was watering the flowers, letting the water pool on one poor flower. “Neewww seeeedssssss?”
“Well, we’re gonna need some after you drown those poor flowers,” You muttered under your breath and then moved to prepare for the day.
Seonghwa’s eyes became wide with the realization and moved the water spout away but it was too late. He smiled painfully and shuffled off to put away the gardening supplies.
You ate some dandelion root and arugula salad for breakfast, studying Seonghwa’s face. He had his lips together, swaying in the chair and humming. He seemed happy. He seemed content.
After food, you did the maintenance for Seonghwa’s flower. He wouldn't stop saying "ow ow ow" even though nothing actually hurt him. He winced and he whined and he made noises of discontent until you were done. "You're such a big baby," You teased him before pecking him on the lips.
"I'm okay?" He asked, looking up at you with big eyes as you stood up.
"Yes, baby, your daisy is healthy and thriving," You assured him.
The trip to the farmer’s market wasn’t arduous because the path was well worn and well used. But it was long. More often than naught, you had to tug Seonghwa from searching amongst the zombies for your long lost friends. He was convinced that they had also been saved, like he had, he just had to find them. But Seonghwa always listened and kept up with your pace when you rattled off the flowers you thought each of your friends would sport.
“Daffodil for Yunho,” You started to name off, “Honeysuckle for Yeosang, Larkspur for San, Poppy for Mingi, Marigolds for Jongho and Chrysanthemum for Wooyoung.”
“We don’t have any marigolds,” Seonghwa began to panic.
“Seonghwa,” You raised your hands in an attempt to calm him, “That’s fine, we haven’t even --”
Seonghwa’s hands grabbed your arms desperately. “Can we get some marigolds when we buy new seeds?!”
“Park Seonghwa,” You said sternly. You grabbed his face and squished his face together to stop his panic babbling. “Listen to me.” Seonghwa’s eyes were big but they weren’t shaky anymore. “We can buy the marigolds but you have to calm down first.”
Seonghwa closed his eyes, and you watched as he breathed in deeply and then out, opening his eyes and showing he had found his inner peace. “Good,” You said, patting his cheek and moving forward.
“I was thinking of growing an evergreen tree. The needles were expensive last year and maybe if we can trade for a queen bee, I can start making candles, wouldn’t that be--” You turned around to smile but…
Your words died from your lips because instead of Seonghwa behind you, a different man was. “Hello, do I know you?”
The man laughed. It both made your blood freeze but also your heart leap. “In a sense. Hongjoong by the way.”
You looked around. Where had your zombie boy gone? “Seonghwa?”
“Oh, I tucked him away for a bit,” Hongjoong let you know, “I wanted to talk to you.”
“Tucked him…” You pulled your machete out immediately, “Give Seonghwa back to me right now.”
Hongjong clucked his tongue in a mocking way. “Interesting how protective you are over a man who you know truly nothing about.”
“The fuck are you on about?!” You demanded, “I have been with Seonghwa for years. I know everything that there is to know about him. Now give him back to me.” You lined your machete blade with his neck, letting the flat of the blade rest on his shoulder.
“Oh that,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, “Seonghwa doesn’t know who he is, he’s simply a demon I made. This Seonghwa, zombie Seonghwa, loves strawberries but demon Seonghwa doesn't even know what strawberries taste like, darling."
"What?" You said in disbelief.
Hongjoong snapped his fingers and Seonghwa was back. He teetered as if he had been transported but when his eyes landed on Hongjoong, they grew angry. "How did you get in here?"
Hongjoong threw his head back and laughed as if Seonghwa had just told the funniest joke he had ever heard. "You wrote a very good story to keep her occupied, Hwa, but she's mine."
Seonghwa ignored Hongjoong and strode purposely towards you, gently bumping his forehead against yours. "Remember saving me, remember my cock inside of you, remember our friends--"
"--who are also demons and she's fucked," Hongjoong completed Seonghwa’s sentence.
"You can't have this one!" Seonghwa pushed you behind him protectively, shouting at Hongjoong. "I won't let you! She let all of us in."
"I already told you," Hongjoong smiled dangerously, "She's mine."
Hongjoong snapped his fingers and disappeared but everything came crashing back to you. Hongjoong. Your journey. The six keys. And now this: the seventh story.
Your throat was raw with emotion. "Take us back, Seonghwa. The others did it, I know you can."
Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed together. "But our life here. You were happy!"
"It's a lie Seonghwa! A pretty lie, but a lie nonetheless. And you pretended like you didn't know I needed your key."
Seonghwa winced. "I can't convince you to stay here?"
You shook your head stubbornly. "If the other six couldn't, neither can you."
The air tensed, warping and stretching and suddenly it snapped and you were back in front of the Gate to the restricted section.
Your head felt more clear than it had in a long time, maybe even since you had entered the library. You still only had one goal: to revive your lost love. And that was what you were going to do.
Seonghwa wrung his hands, glancing towards you and then looking at the ground. It was starting to get on your nerves. But you still had questions.
"What was Hongjoong talking about when he said you wrote a good story? What was that?" You asked.
“It’s my story,” Seonghwa admitted, “There’s no title because it’s incomplete. I write it because--” he pressed his lips together, “I want to feel loved.” He met your eyes and then avoided them guiltily, “I write it so that perhaps a future traveler will get sucked in and won’t go to the restricted section.”
“Seonghwa, I didn’t come here for you,” You said primly.
“I know that,” Seonghwa said forlornly.
“Then why would you try to trap me? I get the others, they’re trials, but you? I already did the quests, I got the keys, why try to stop me when I did what you asked?” You demanded.
Seonghwa couldn't meet your eyes. He didn’t answer your question. He simply said, “I’m sorry.”
All the nerves in your body urged you to reach out to him, to comfort him, but you resisted. Of all the stories you had delved into, Seonghwa’s clung to your soul, battling with your lost love. “That’s not good enough,” You said coldly.
“Flower…” Seonghwa reached out towards you but you sidestepped his reach.
“You don’t get to call me that,” You denied him gruffly, swallowing down the emotions that were threatening to escape. “Now give me my damn key!”
Seonghwa pulled a strawberry shaped key from his book and wordlessly handed it to you. You spun on your heel immediately and strode to the large, intimidating gates that held back the restricted section. The key sunk into the metal when you pressed it to the section where there should be a keyhole and the gates swung back on their own accord, granting you admittance.
“For what it’s worth,” Seonghwa called out to you, “I did love you.”
“It’s not worth a lot when you have to be pulled into a story that isn’t yours and to be made to feel love that isn’t your own feelings,” You replied before stepping into the restricted section.
“Damn you, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa cursed, tears streaming down his face, and then the gates closed behind you.
Tag list: @yoonguurt @hijirikaww @flowerboykun @starillusion13 @flurrys-creativity @kitten4sannie @a-soft-hornytiny
Library staff: @kwanisms @smallfrye @anyamaris @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21
↫The Mystery Section ↭ MasterList ↭The Keeper of the Keys↬
#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez fanfic#seonghwa smut#park seonghwa x reader#seonghwa x reader#Ateez angst#omg this was so damn good#I’m punching the air fr#bc this chapter was such a emotional rollercoaster#damn you Kim Hongjoong😭he’s such a villain in this story and I love ittttt#Zombie Hwa has me ready to toss away everything I know to start a plant family with him#I’m growing every single damn fruit he wants just bc#Alexa play Turbulence by Ateez it’s sad girl hours rn#PLAY TAKE ME HOME BY ATEEZ BC I NEED ANOTHER GOOD CRY AFTER THIS FIC#This series 100% is a reread#I’m talking I’m rereading til I can recite the words by heart#Zombie Hwa has my heart😔💙#Example 282949201 of why I would’ve failed these trials#at this rate I just wanna stay forever just because🫣#justaaveragereader rec
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YOU ARE THE ONLY THING
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ (THAT'S EVER MADE SENSE TO ME)
pairing. kinich x fem!reader status. ongoing, slow updates genre/warnings. friends to lovers to enemies (sort of) to lovers, past heartbreak, modern!au, university!au, LOTS of stupid mistakes are made, it's an emotional rollercoaster, they're both kind of dumb, it gets MESSY, eventual smut (final chapter only, but can be read without it!) author's note. another kinich fic...no one is surprised. this one is a bit more mature and emotionally complex, but i'm really excited about it! chapter titles are inspired by keshi, dividers are by @/strangergraphics-archive, reblogs/interaction highly appreciated! taglist. join the taglist here!
summary.
kinich broke your heart three years ago. and sure, he regrets it, but there's no turning back time, and now you're at the same university. when he accidentally gets you fired from your part-time job, the two of you enter a cautious deal: he'll do anything that you want for a month, no limits. (but are current efforts enough to undo past mistakes?)
CHAPTER LIST
i. maybe we don't talk enough ii. go back but not the same iii. when we were younger (when we were all about each other) iv. and it's fine if we're only pretending v. know i said no love but i want to vi. fuck it up, laugh it off (and i lost you) vii. tear me to pieces (i won't even feel it) viii. all the time spent couldn't save us ix. stay over and we'll call it love x. i surrender all of me (i'll give you everything) [nsfw]
#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#kinich x reader#kinich#genshin impact#adeptus ink#genshin impact smut#genshin smut#kinich smut#primordial jade
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Hey, babies! Let's go to a another chapter (penultimate chapter)! To write this chapter all i needed was a sad playlist, beign on my period and one KitKat, can you believe that?
If you want, I can make available the playlists that helped me create the story.
Now, enjoy it <3
FEEL FREE TO FEEL
MINORS DO NOT MUST INTERACT
Warnings: ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, HOMOPHOBIA, CHRISTIAN GUILT
Paring: Mommy Wanda x Brat Fem Reader
Summary: The consequences of your actions arrive.
Read here: Prologue | Part 1 - Predator | Part 2 - The Prey | Part 3 - On your Knees | Part 4 - The Spider | Part 5 - The Lamb | Part 6 - Pure Crimson | Part 7 - Dependece | Part 8 - Passion | Part 9 - Revenge | Part 10 - Control
VELVET CHAINS
Consequences
The last month had been an emotional rollercoaster. The time at Wanda’s house had been intense, almost surreal, like a dream you never wanted to wake up from. But, like all dreams, it came to an end. Returning home brought reality back, with controlling parents and suffocating expectations. You and Wanda kept talking, but something had changed.
She didn’t text as much as before. The calls, which used to be long before bed, now barely lasted 30 minutes. And even when you took the initiative, her responses became colder, shorter.
You tried to ignore it.
The SAT was approaching, and that consumed all your energy. “She must be busy,” you told yourself. But an uncomfortable feeling of loss began to grow, like a silent emptiness.
As soon as the test was over, you felt like you could breathe. You felt confident—the test model this year was the same as what you had studied. But now, all you could think about was fixing things with the woman who haunted your mind, even in your dreams.
You wanted to see her, to get answers. But when you arrived, no one was there. A neighbor mentioned that the Maximoffs were at the hospital—Billy had fallen ill. Panic gripped you. You spent days trying to contact Wanda, sending messages, calling, but it was like shouting into an abyss. Her silence was deafening.
Then, during a family lunch after Sunday service, your mother casually said, “Wanda really needs our prayers right now.”
You furrowed your brow, confused.
Your father fervently agreed. “Yes. Now that Billy has finally received his diagnosis, it will be easier for our prayers to reach the ears of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Your heart seemed to stop for a moment.
“What… happened to Billy?” you asked, fear creeping into your voice, gripping your utensils harder than necessary.
“Oh, dear! Billy has cancer.”
The world stopped.
Your mother’s words echoed like thunder inside you, shattering any fragment of calm left. Billy has cancer.
The utensils fell from your hand with a dry clatter onto the table. The air seemed to freeze in your lungs as the weight of those words seeped into your mind like poison.
Images of Billy flooded your mind: his mischievous smile, the spark in his eyes when he ran through the garden, the way he threw himself into your arms without hesitation. Now, all of that seemed distant, fragile, as if it could disappear at any moment.
“Are you okay, dear?” your mother asked, but her tone felt more like an obligation than concern.
You wanted to scream. You wanted to blame your mother for treating the news so lightly. But the words wouldn’t come. There was only a tight knot in your throat, choking you.
“Excuse me,” you murmured, hastily getting up from the table, your legs shaking with every step.
In the bathroom, you slid down the door to the cold floor, your chest burning with despair. The news hit you like a violent wave, and you couldn’t breathe. The tears came, hot and uncontrollable, as you pressed your hand against your mouth to stifle the sobs.
All you wanted was to see him, to see Wanda, to say you were there for whatever they needed. But how? Wanda wasn’t answering. She didn’t want you around.
Without thinking twice, you went to the Maximoffs’ house.
However, when Wanda opened the door, her gaze was cold as she looked at you.
“What are you doing here?” The question cut like a knife.
“I... I heard about Billy. I wanted to know how you both are,” your voice trembled, but you tried to sound firm.
The woman sighed, crossing her arms—building a wall between you.
“This isn’t your problem,” she replied, her tone sharp.
You stood frozen at the threshold, as if the icy pain of her words was physical. Her tone was distant, almost cruel, but her eyes… Ah, Wanda’s eyes told a different story. There was something there, a shadow of pain, of something unsaid, that made your chest tighten even more.
“Wanda, please,” you tried, taking a step inside, but she raised her hand, blocking your entry.
“I said it’s not your problem,” she repeated, more firmly, though her voice had a slight tremor at the end.
“How can you say that?” Your voice cracked, the words coming out desperate. “I care about you both. I care about him! About you!”
Her green eyes closed for a moment, as if gathering strength. When they opened, they were harder, but the pain you saw there almost made you collapse.
“You don’t understand. You can’t understand.” Her voice dropped, almost a whisper, but still heavy with weight.
“Then explain it to me!” you pleaded, feeling the tears threatening to fall. “I’m here, Wanda. I’ve always been here!”
She laughed, but it was a bitter laugh, without humor. “You think that’s enough? That being here will fix anything?”
You took another step, desperate to break the invisible barrier she had placed between you. “I don’t know, but I want to try. I want to help!”
Wanda shook her head, her golden hair swaying with the motion.
“You can’t help. Not now, not ever. You need to go.”
“Don’t say that…” your voice broke.
“You need to go,” she repeated, quieter this time, but still unyielding.
Silence fell between you like a stone, heavy and unbearable. Her eyes, so bright and so full of everything she didn’t say, pleaded with you for something her words denied.
“Why are you doing this?” you whispered, unable to contain the tears now.
She took a deep breath, looking away, but not before you saw the glimmer of her own unshed tears. “Because it’s better this way.”
“Better for who?”
She didn’t answer. She simply closed the door slowly, leaving you on the other side.
You stood there, your forehead pressed against the cold wood, the sobs finally taking over you. The emptiness she left was suffocating, and all that was left were her cold words, which didn’t match the warmth and pain you saw in her green eyes.
You left with half of your heart shattered.
A month later, the SAT results finally arrived. You were in the living room, your heart pounding so loudly it seemed to echo through the space. When you opened the email and saw the word “Congratulations!”, tears immediately filled your eyes.
“I did it,” you whispered to yourself, disbelief mingling with happiness.
But it wasn’t just a “Congratulations.” It was Yale. The university you had spent countless nights dreaming about, imagining its halls, the lectures, the debates that would shape your future. It was the beginning of something monumental, the start of a journey that always felt so distant and yet so viscerally yours.
You ran to the mirror in the hallway and looked at yourself, laughing as tears streaked your flushed cheeks. “I did it! I did it!”
The dreams you’d held close to your chest began to take form. Studying International Relations at one of the world’s most prestigious universities was more than a personal achievement; it was the first step toward making a difference. You envisioned nights buried in books, exploring cultures, questioning systems, trying to understand—and maybe, to change—the world.
Above all, there was your dream of becoming a writer. A quiet desire that grew with every story you created, every character you brought to life, every corner of the world you translated into words. You wanted to be more than an observer. You wanted to be a storyteller, someone who could take the complexities of life and turn them into something that could touch others.
Changing the world—that had always been the goal, even when it seemed impossible. Perhaps it was too ambitious, maybe even foolish, but it never stopped you. You knew that, with the right words, you could reach hearts, open minds, and perhaps inspire someone like you to never give up.
In that moment, alone in the room, you allowed yourself a moment of pure joy. Every sacrifice, every sleepless night, every doubt—it had all been worth it. You weren’t the girl who just dreamed anymore. Now, you were the girl who made it happen.
And Yale was just the beginning.
But when you were ready to share the news with your parents, you were met with a suspicious look. “So?! What’s this news you have to share with us?!” your father asked, his tone sharp, leaving you confused.
You swallowed hard, the paper with the printed Yale email trembling in your hands. The pride you’d felt just moments ago was suffocated by the tension in the room, as if the air itself might shatter.
“I… I wanted to tell you that I got into Yale,” you started, trying to ignore the edge in your father’s gaze and the false softness in your mother’s voice. “I did it. I’m going to study International Relations. My dream—”
“Yale?” your father interrupted, his voice icy, almost harsh. “And what exactly do you plan to do there, huh? Continue with this shameful behavior we’ve been hearing about?”
“Shameful?” Your voice came out as a whisper, confusion and fear gripping you.
Your mother let out a deep sigh, as if exhausted by something beneath her notice. “Don’t act innocent, Y/n. People talk! One of the sisters at church told us you’ve been behaving… inappropriately with Yelena.”
You felt your heart plummet, your hands tightening around the paper until it crumpled. “Yelena is my friend!” you tried to explain, but your mother raised a hand, silencing you.
“Friend?” She laughed, but there was nothing warm in that sound. It was cold, harsh. “We hoped you would understand what happens to girls who stray from God’s path. Or do you think you can ignore His teachings and still expect us to tolerate it?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your voice faltered, but anger began to simmer beneath the surface, mingling with humiliation and hurt.
Your father took a step forward, his expression dark as a storm. “You know exactly what I’m talking about! Don’t pretend to be blind. Or do you think we’re fools?”
“Dear, please,” your mother attempted to soothe him, but he ignored her.
“I’ve always known there was something wrong with you, Y/n. Always so… different. Strange. God knows we tried, we prayed, but maybe this was a mistake. Maybe we never should’ve given you life.”
Those words landed like a knife, slicing through everything inside you. You stepped back, wide-eyed, trying to process what you had just heard.
“How can you say that?” Your voice trembled, but it was strong enough to echo through the room.
Your mother shook her head, a look of false sadness on her face. “No one’s saying you have no worth, Y/n. We just want you to understand… this path you’re taking is wrong. We don’t want you to lose your soul.”
You felt tears burn your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Not in front of them. The pride of getting into Yale, the dream you so desperately wanted to share, was ruined—drowned in the pain of prejudice from the very people who should have loved you unconditionally.
“I haven’t lost my soul,” you murmured, your voice breaking. “But I think you’ve lost yours.”
Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and walked out, clutching the crumpled email against your chest. The pain was suffocating, but the small flame within you—that dream of changing the world—refused to go out.
Their words were cruel, irreversible, leaving a wound you knew would never fully heal. You cried, but instead of drowning in the hurt, you did what you always did: you turned to Wanda.
When you arrived at her house, Wanda was in the living room, absently toying with a book.
“I needed to see you,” you began, but she didn’t even look up.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, her voice cold.
“Wanda, please. I have no one else. Let me explain—”
“There’s nothing to explain,” she interrupted, finally looking at you.
Her eyes glimmered with something that felt both vulnerable and cruel. “You need to move on with your life.”
“You’re pushing me away,” you whispered, the pain spilling over.
“Yes, I am.”
“Why?”
She closed her eyes, sighing deeply, as if searching for calm—or perhaps the words. “Because I need to be here. With my children, with my husband.” The mention of Vision as her husband made your heart bleed.
The pain in Wanda’s words was like a direct blow to your chest. You searched her eyes for a spark of truth, something to tell you this wasn’t real, that she didn’t mean it. But her gaze was implacable—cold and empty.
“Is that it? You’re saying everything we had… was nothing?”
“It was a mistake.”
The word hit you like a dagger. You stepped back, feeling the ground disappear beneath your feet. “A mistake?” Your voice was barely audible.
“Yes,” she insisted, as though repeating it could convince herself. “I can’t keep doing this. You’re young; you have your whole life ahead of you. I’m just a woman trying to keep my family together.”
Her words left you shattered.
“You’re lying,” you said, tears finally escaping. “You feel it too, Wanda. I’ve always seen it in your eyes.”
She hesitated—a crack in the mask. But then she shook her head, bitterness lining her expression. “You need to leave, Y/n. Don’t come back. Don’t write. Don’t look for me.”
“Wanda…” you started, but she raised her hand—final, definitive.
“Go.”
You stood there for a moment, searching her face for anything—anything to hold onto. But all you found was emptiness. So you turned and walked away, feeling like each step took you further not just from her, but from a part of yourself.
Outside, the air felt colder, heavier. You didn’t know where to go. But you knew you couldn’t stay. And as the door shut behind you, the sound echoed like a full stop on a story you weren’t ready to end.
The bus that would take you to the university was crowded, yet somehow, you felt completely alone. The worn-out suitcase rested at your feet, carrying the little you had decided to take with you. Everything else—the memories, the broken bonds, the weight of unspoken words—was stored somewhere else, too deep to reach.
As the vehicle moved along the road, you stared out the window. The trees turned into blurs of green and brown, as though the world was rushing away from you, leaving behind a trail of silence and emptiness. Yet, amidst that emptiness, there was something different. A faint but unbreakable strength that kept you standing.
The first days in Connecticut were difficult. Loneliness felt alive, pressing on your shoulders as you explored Yale’s campus. The dream that had once seemed so bright now felt clouded, dimmed by the absence of something—or someone.
Still, you forced yourself to keep going. Routine began to fill the empty spaces: classes, books, notes. You threw yourself into studying, as if every word absorbed was a step toward rebuilding yourself. But at night, when the world grew silent, your mind wandered.
Wanda.
Her name was a constant whisper, echoing through the most fragile parts of your mind. You saw her in small details: in the brown of an autumn leaf, in the faint scent of citrus perfume, in the muffled sound of laughter in the distance. No matter how hard you tried to push her away, she always found a way to return.
But amidst the pain, there was resilience. You forced yourself to remember why you were there. It wasn’t just for a diploma; it was for something bigger. For a future. For a version of yourself that Wanda could not destroy.
One morning, as you sipped coffee at a small café near the university, you noticed something. The bitter taste of the coffee didn’t seem as bad as before. The sunlight filtering through the windows carried a warmth you hadn’t felt in a while. Small things that once went unnoticed now felt... possible.
You knew there was still a long road ahead. There were still nights when the weight of Wanda’s absence was unbearable, and days when the world seemed empty without her. But amidst all of that, there was a growing strength.
You were learning to stand up again. And maybe, one day, you could look back and realize that even in loss, you had found yourself.
[...]
"Mom!" Wanda dropped everything the moment she heard the boys’ scream from the bedroom.
“What happened?” She grabbed their cheeks harder than necessary, checking them over.
“Look, Mom, a hair grew!” Billy said happily, and Wanda smiled at the sight of a small brown tuft growing.
“Oh, look at that... We can finally pick a hairstyle for you, can’t we?”
Wanda laughed, feeling a genuine relief for the first time in months.
The joy in Billy’s eyes was contagious, as if that small strand of hair was a trophy—a victory over everything they had faced.
“I want a mohawk!” Billy declared enthusiastically, crossing his arms in a defiant manner.
“A mohawk?” Wanda raised an eyebrow, pretending to be horrified. “Do you know who's in charge of the style in this house?”
“Oh, Mom! Please!” Billy begged, pulling his best puppy-dog face, while Tommy, always the smartest, joined the conversation.
“If he gets a mohawk, I want one too!” Tommy said, already messing with his own hair.
Wanda placed her hands on her hips, staring at the two of them with a mockingly stern look. “If you two show up with mohawks, you’ll have to explain to Dad why he’s the only bald one in this house!”
The boys burst into laughter, and Wanda couldn’t help but laugh too, sitting on the carpet between them. It was a simple moment, but one filled with meaning. As the two argued about the most ridiculous hairstyles they could try, she realized how much these little things mattered.
She ran her fingers through Billy’s newborn strand of hair, her smile soft. “You know, you’re the bravest boy I’ve ever met.”
“I know I am!” Billy replied confidently, earning more laughter from her and Tommy.
As the boys laughed and made impossible plans, Wanda allowed herself something rare: hope. Perhaps the weight she carried could, little by little, dissolve in moments like this.
For a moment, she felt the urge to share this joy with you. To send a picture of the small tuft of hair or tell you how well the boys were doing. But then, she remembered you weren’t there anymore.
Even so, looking at her sons, Wanda knew she still had a reason to fight, to smile. She pulled both of them into a tight hug, ignoring their playful complaints.
“I love you both, you know that?” she said, kissing their foreheads.
“We love you too, Mom,” Billy replied, with the same smile that lit up Wanda’s world, even in the darkest moments.
Later, as Wanda stirred the stew with a wooden spoon, her thoughts drifted to ten months ago.
Discovering Vision had been like a lightning bolt shattering the perfect world Wanda had fought so hard to maintain. He hadn’t yelled, hadn’t confronted her directly. He didn’t need to. He simply looked at her with a mixture of disdain and disappointment, and in a cold tone, made his threat clear: “If this continues, I will take the boys. You know I can. And you know I will.”
That night, while Vision slept, Wanda sat at the edge of the bed, her hands trembling with pure rage. She watched him silently, battling thoughts that terrified her. A dark part of herself whispered that it would be so easy to end it all—one move, one spell, and Vision would be nothing but a distant memory. But then Billy coughed from the other room.
Reality came crashing over her like a wave—cold and crushing. The boy’s soft cough was the harbinger of the nightmare to come. Within days, the diagnosis arrived: skin cancer.
Wanda’s world collapsed.
Seeing Billy so fragile, so vulnerable, was a pain no words could express. The chemotherapy sessions left her boy weak, his bright smile fading little by little, replaced by a weary expression. He began losing weight, and the soft curls Wanda loved to caress fell out, untilnothing remained.
Wanda stayed by his side, but every treatment session was like a dagger to the heart. She held Billy’s hand as he cried, his small body shaking with pain and exhaustion, and the guilt grew inside her like a monster. She wondered if all of this was divine punishment—for betraying Vision. For letting herself be carried away by you.
And yet, in the quiet moments, while Billy slept, she thought of you. She thought of how you made her feel alive, how your presence illuminated the darkest corners of her soul. Of the smiles you pulled from her, even when the world felt too heavy.
But now you were part of the weight, too. Vision knew. Vision was watching. And Billy needed her. Wanda knew she had to cut off what existed between you two. As much as it hurt, it was the only way to protect her children.
So, she hardened her heart. She said the cold words she knew would push you away and that she knew she would regret later—even as her eyes silently begged you not to believe them. When you left, she cried in silence but tried to convince herself she had done the right thing.
As Billy began to recover, the guilt and emptiness only grew. With each day he grew stronger, Wanda felt grateful but also painfully aware of your absence.
And it hurt. Wanda began to experience withdrawal—she saw you in everything.
You were in every corner of the house, in every shadow of the sunset that lit the living room. Wanda heard your laughter echo through empty hallways, your soft voice whispering things only she could hear. It was as if the entire world conspired to remind her of you, and the more she tried to escape, the more you haunted her.
The nights were the worst. The pillow beside her seemed soaked with your scent, and it drove her insane. She would clutch the fabric, eyes closed, trying to recreate the feeling of your lips on hers, the warmth of your skin. But it was useless. It was torture.
Wanda began spending more time in her room, sitting on the bed, holding a book she couldn’t read. Every page she tried to focus on was a blur, replaced by images of you smiling, you laughing, you crying. The memory of your voice calling her name was almost tangible.
She began to wonder if she was losing her mind. The withdrawal was physical. There was a hole in her chest that couldn’t be filled, an insatiable hunger that no food or drink could satisfy. Wanda stopped eating, stopped sleeping. The woman who controlled everything and everyone in her life was now at the mercy of a desire that was slowly destroying her.
In a desperate impulse, Wanda grabbed her phone and typed in your number. Her hands trembled, and her heart beat so hard she could barely breathe. But before pressing the call button, she stopped.
She knew she couldn’t. That you were better off away from her. But knowing that didn’t make her feel better. It didn’t stop her from wanting you with an intensity that made her hate herself.
Wanda threw the phone onto the bed, her eyes burning with tears she refused to let fall. She leaned forward, hands in her hair, pulling it hard as she breathed deeply, trying to erase you from her mind. But you were an addiction.
An addiction that was killing her slowly.
“I hate you,” she whispered into the void, her voice hoarse, broken. “I hate you for making me feel this way.”
She loved you. She loved you so much it destroyed her. And as the days passed, Wanda knew she would never be whole again. Because even as Billy grew stronger, as life returned to some form of normal, somet
Another Sunday, another church service. But the woman had a plan—Wanda was nervous, though she tried to hide it. She dressed with her usual elegance, maintaining the calm posture that often intimidated others, even when everything inside her was chaos. As she walked to your house after the service, she rehearsed in her mind what she would say to your parents. Nothing too direct, just a casual question. She needed to hear something about you, anything that could connect her to you again.
When the door opened, your mother greeted her with a hesitant smile, as if she already knew the visit wasn’t purely social. After a few exchanged words, Wanda asked the casual question—or at least tried to make it sound that way:
“So, how’s Y/n? It’s been a while since I’ve seen her…” The woman’s eyes scanned the room, searching for your figure, for your shadow.
Your mother’s face hardened, and your father, who was sitting on the couch, let out a bitter laugh.
“How is she? We don’t know, because she left without even saying goodbye.”
Wanda froze, her heart pounding so hard it felt like it was crushing her ribs. “She... left?” Her voice came out low, almost a whisper, but heavy with disbelief.
“She did,” your father replied, his voice cold. “After everything we did for her, she decided to abandon us as if we were nothing.”
Your mother sighed, though she seemed more irritated than sad. “She was always… difficult. And now, look at her. Yale? Big deal. It means nothing if she doesn’t have respect for her own family.”
Wanda couldn’t hear the rest. The phrase “she left” echoed in her mind, a mantra that ripped apart every piece of logic or self-control she had left. She stood abruptly, mumbling something incomprehensible as an excuse to leave.
As soon as she stepped out the door, the mask fell. Her hands trembled violently as she searched for her car keys. The thought that you were gone, that you were far away and out of reach, was unbearable.
On the way back, Wanda could barely drive. The road was a blur as tears filled her eyes. She parked haphazardly in front of her house and rushed inside.
As soon as she shut the door, she collapsed onto the living room floor. Tears streamed down her face as she held her head in her hands, her body shaking with sobs she could no longer hold back. You had left. You weren’t there anymore. And she had never said goodbye.
“Why did you do this?” she whispered to the emptiness, her voice broken. “Why did you leave me? I… I just wanted to protect you…”
But she knew. She knew that pushing you away had been the greatest mistake of her life. And now, you were gone, and Wanda was alone, trapped in a world where everything felt colorless, lifeless.
That night, she picked up her phone again and typed in your number. But, just like before, she couldn’t bring herself to press “call.” All that remained was the emptiness of a name on the screen, and a hole in her chest that nothing could fill.
[...]
The morning was like any other over the past five years: a stifling Sunday, and Wanda sat in the back seat of the car next to the boys while Vision drove with his usual precision. She didn’t pay attention to the words he was saying, only nodding mechanically, keeping the serene face that had become her mask.
The twins, now 16, were as irreverent as teenagers could be, arguing over something trivial. Wanda heard the sounds but didn’t process the words. Her heart beat in the slow, hollow rhythm of a life on autopilot.
When they arrived at the church, Wanda adjusted her dress and put on sunglasses to hide the tiredness in her eyes. The family looked perfect—Vision held her hand with a polished smile, while Billy and Tommy walked ahead, grumbling about how much they hated being there.
Then it happened.
As they walked toward the church’s grand doors, something caught her attention. It was a woman standing across the street, scrolling on her phone. Her hair, the way she held her bag, her posture… everything made Wanda’s heart stop for a moment.
It was you.
Wanda blinked, feeling the blood freeze in her veins. It couldn’t be. You were far away. For years. But that woman...
Without thinking, she let go of Vision’s hand. “Wait here,” she said quickly, not looking back.
“Wanda? Where are you going?” Vision asked, confused, but she was already crossing the street.
“Hey, Mom! What the hell?” Tommy shouted, but she didn’t respond.
Wanda’s heels struck hard against the asphalt as she ran, her heart racing. Every step made her believe more: it was you. It had to be you. The world seemed to stop, all the noise around her muffled by the sound of her ragged breathing.
“Y/n!” she shouted, her voice hoarse and desperate.
The woman stopped and turned slowly, a confused expression on her face.
But it wasn’t you.
Wanda’s heart plummeted. Reality hit hard, like a cold blow to the stomach. The woman was taller, her eyes a different color, and the smile she gave was polite but completely unfamiliar.
“Are you okay?” the stranger asked, unsettled by Wanda’s intensity.
“I… I’m sorry,” Wanda murmured, stepping back, her face burning with shame. “I thought you were someone else.”
Without further explanation, she turned and began walking back to the church, her shoulders tense, trying to hide the trembling in her hands.
Vision was at the entrance, arms crossed, with the boys beside him, both looking visibly confused.
“What was that?” he asked, his voice laced with irritation.
“I just… thought I saw someone,” Wanda replied, her tone flat.
Billy tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at her. “Are you okay, Mom?”
She forced a smile, briefly caressing his face. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m fine.”
But she wasn’t. Because as Wanda climbed the church stairs, the emptiness inside her felt even larger, as though it had been ripped open again by the memory of you. And she knew, with crushing certainty, that she would never stop searching for you—in crowded streets, in dreams, in the past she could never bury.
That afternoon, the house was silent, except for the distant clatter of dishes being washed in the kitchen. Vision had gone out to deal with something for work, and Wanda sat on the couch, her hands clutching a cup of tea as if it were a shield.
Billy and Tommy were upstairs, but she knew it wouldn’t take long for them to come down. That’s how every Sunday was: a mixture of monotony and tension that seemed to suffocate the air in the house.
When the sound of their footsteps began echoing down the stairs, Wanda tried to brace herself. She knew the boys were growing up, becoming more curious, more incisive. And lately, they seemed much more attentive to her.
Tommy appeared first, followed by Billy, whose expression was more serious. They sat on the couch opposite her, exchanging looks before Tommy finally broke the silence.
“It’s time for you to talk, Mom,” he began, as direct as always.
Wanda lifted her eyes to them, frowning. “Talk about what?”
“About you,” Billy replied, his voice softer but just as firm. “You haven’t been the same in years.”
She laughed nervously, trying to deflect. “Of course I’m the same. You two are just growing up and becoming nitpicky.”
“No, Mom. That’s not it,” Tommy insisted, leaning forward. “You’re different. Since… I don’t know, since we were younger. It’s like you’re living on autopilot, like you’re here, but not really.”
Wanda looked at them, her heart tightening. They were so perceptive, much more than she wished they were.
“And, like,” Tommy continued, hesitant now, “there’s something you don’t want to talk about. There always has been. We just didn’t know what it was before.”
“Tommy…” Billy shot a warning look at his brother, but Wanda was already on alert.
“If you have something to say, just say it,” she said, her voice low.
Tommy took a deep breath, hesitating for a moment before blurting out, “It’s about that girl, isn’t it? Y/n?”
Wanda���s world seemed to freeze. Her breathing stopped, and the name rang in her ears like an explosion.
Billy’s eyes widened in surprise. “Tommy!”
“What? You think I don’t know? Every time someone mentions her name, Mom gets that look…” He gestured dramatically at Wanda’s face, which was now completely pale.
“That’s none of your business,” Wanda finally managed to say, her voice trembling.
“But it is our business,” Billy replied firmly. “Because you’re our mom, and this has been eating at you for years. Who was she, Mom? Why is she so important?”
Wanda looked at them, her chest tight, her eyes burning with tears she wouldn’t let fall. How could she explain? How could she put into words something so overwhelming?
“She was…” Her voice faltered, and she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find strength. “She was someone I never should have met. But someone who changed everything.”
The boys exchanged confused glances but didn’t interrupt.
“She… She made me feel alive in a way I never had before,” Wanda continued, her voice barely a whisper. “And I lost her. Because I chose to lose her. Because I had to choose you.”
Tommy fell silent for the first time, and Billy looked as if he was about to say something, but Wanda stood up, gripping the cup tightly.
“That’s all you need to know,” she said, her voice now firm. “She was a mistake I couldn’t keep.”
Tommy was the braver of the two, while Billy had always been more sensitive. Billy pulled the woman into his arms, even though she hadn’t asked for the hug. Wanda didn’t refuse—she wasn’t in a position to.
“So that’s it? She was a mistake in the past, but what about now?” Tommy asked, his tone impassive.
Wanda looked at the boy, cursing how much they had inherited her stubbornness.
“Tommy, I’m married to your fa—”
“Oh, Mom! Don’t start!” The boy huffed. “We all know your marriage is just a façade. Everyone knows.”
Tommy’s words hit Wanda like a punch to the stomach. She opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He was right. Everyone knew. She knew.
Billy still held her in his arms, squeezing her with the tenderness that only he seemed capable of offering. Wanda relaxed momentarily, letting herself be embraced by her son, but Tommy’s gaze remained fixed on her, as if he wouldn’t let her escape so easily.
“Tommy, you don’t understand. I can’t just…” Wanda started, but her voice faltered.
“Can’t what?” Tommy interrupted, standing up from the couch. “Can’t go after the one thing that actually makes you happy? Can’t fight for someone you still love? That doesn’t make sense, Mom!”
“Tommy, it’s not that simple,” Wanda insisted, her voice trembling. “There’s so much at stake. I have you, I have responsibilities—”
“Responsibilities that leave you like this?” Billy murmured, letting her go but staying close. “We can tell, Mom. You pretend all the time, but you’re not happy. You haven’t been happy for as long as we can remember.”
Wanda ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. “You don’t know everything. You don’t know what I did, the choices I had to make. You don’t know how much I lost.”
“Then tell us,” Billy said softly.
Wanda looked at him, feeling tears burn her eyes, but she held them back. “I can’t. I don’t want you to see me differently.”
“We already do, Mom,” Tommy shot back, his tone serious. “And you know what we see? A woman who sacrificed so much for us that she forgot about herself. It’s not fair. Not to you, not to us.”
“Tommy…”
“Listen,” he continued, his voice firmer. “If she’s still that important to you, why don’t you try? Why don’t you do something? You’ve always told us to fight for what matters. Why is this any different?”
Wanda looked at him, stunned. “You’re… encouraging me to go after her?”
“Yes,” Billy replied, nodding. “We don’t want a mom who lives on autopilot. We want you to be happy, even if it means things have to change.”
“But what about you? What about your father?”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “Dad can keep pretending he’s perfect. He’s more worried about appearances than the truth.”
Billy took her hand, squeezing it gently. “Mom, you deserve this. If she’s the one you love, then go after her.”
Wanda felt her heart tighten, but also a spark of something she hadn’t felt in a long time: hope. She looked at her sons, her boys, who were now almost grown, and saw in them the strength she herself seemed to have lost.
"You two are impossible," she muttered, but there was a small smile on her lips.
"True," Tommy replied, crossing his arms. "And you'd better do it before it's too late."
Wanda closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Maybe, just maybe, it was time to stop running from what truly mattered.
[...]
The rain was falling heavily, but Wanda didn’t care. Her soaked coat clung to her skin, golden hair plastered against her face as she walked down the nearly deserted sidewalk. Each drop seemed to press against her harder, as if the force of the storm was trying to send her back home. But she couldn’t turn back. Not now.
When she finally spotted Yelena's small shop, Wanda felt a mix of relief and nerves. The dim light inside cast a faint glow, and the blonde’s silhouette moved behind the windows. Wanda pushed the door open with force, the bell above ringing in a tone that sounded almost desperate.
Yelena, who had been shutting off the lights and closing the register, turned around slowly, a cigarette between her fingers, her face faintly illuminated by the ember. She didn’t look surprised at all.
"Well, look who decided to show up," Yelena remarked, blowing smoke toward the ceiling. Her eyes assessed Wanda with both disdain and curiosity. "What do you want here?"
"I need to know where she is," Wanda replied, her voice firm, but her eyes betrayed her desperation.
Yelena let out a short, humorless laugh, extinguishing the cigarette in the nearest ashtray. "You think I’m just going to hand that information to you on a silver platter? After everything you did to her?"
"I didn’t come here to argue," Wanda replied, fists clenched at her sides. "I just need to find her. Please."
"Please?" Yelena raised an eyebrow, stepping closer. "You think a ‘please’ can erase the years of pain you caused? She loved you, Wanda. And you broke her heart."
Wanda swallowed hard, the guilt pressing heavier on her chest. "I know," she admitted, her voice wavering. "I know what I did. But I need to fix it. I need to talk to her, to explain—"
"Explain what?" Yelena cut her off, crossing her arms. "That you chose the comfort of a false life over her? That you preferred hiding behind a sham marriage while she suffered?"
"I didn’t have a choice!" Wanda exclaimed, the pain overflowing in her voice. "I had to protect my children. I had to protect everything that was important to me."
"She thought she was important to you too," Yelena shot back, her eyes hard.
The silence between them was broken only by the sound of the rain pounding against the windows. Wanda took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.
"Please, Yelena," she pleaded, her voice breaking. "I need to see her. Just tell me where she is."
Yelena was silent for a moment, her eyes carefully studying Wanda. Finally, she sighed, grabbing a small piece of paper and a pen. "This isn’t for you," she said, scribbling something down. "It’s for her. Because, despite everything, she deserves the chance to decide whether she wants to hear you or not. Go there, and bring my little sister back."
She handed the paper to Wanda, but before Wanda could leave, Yelena grabbed her arm. "Don’t screw this up again. If you do, don’t ever look for me. Not for her, not for anyone."
Wanda nodded, clutching the paper as if it were a lifeline. Without another word, she stepped out into the storm, the rain now feeling slightly less heavy.
Wanda stopped in the middle of the street, the rain beating relentlessly against her face, but she hardly felt it. Her eyes were fixed on the paper in her hand, the address already smudged by the water but still legible. A distant thunder rumbled, but nothing could drown out the turmoil inside her.
The truth was raw and inescapable: she hadn’t been alive since the day you left. Every heartbeat since then had felt borrowed, as if she were just occupying space in a body that no longer belonged to her.
"Be it too late or not," she whispered to herself, her voice trembling but full of conviction, "I won’t spend the rest of my life wondering."
She gripped the paper so tightly it nearly tore, her fingers trembling—not from the cold, but from sheer desperation. Because if Wanda knew one thing now, it was that she had already lost too much. She couldn’t lose you again, even if it meant facing the worst parts of herself.
Lifting her face to the sky, Wanda let the rain wash over her—though it could not lift the weight from her chest. Then, without hesitation, she took the first step, the sound of her heels echoing against the wet asphalt.
Each step was a declaration. Each beat of her heart, a scream. She loved you. Loved you enough to tear down any barrier, to face any storm. This time, she wouldn’t let fear win. This time, she would be brave enough to fight for what truly mattered.
Even if it was too late.
~*~
Mommy Wanda will go after what is hers.
UREVISED CHAPTER
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fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (13/?)
Part Summary: “I love you, Leigh,” you declare, the words tumbling out almost uncontrollably. Ever since you stepped off that plane and your feet touched back on home ground, you've been aching to say it. Her eyes turn steely, the brief flicker of doubt swallowed up by resolve. “You say that now,” Leigh counters, her laugh dark and hollow. “But I'm not easy. Loving me might just kill you.”
Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.900+ | Warnings: Some angst | Author's note: I think there will be just 2-3 more chapters before we close this book. Just fyi!
Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII
-
When you finally stir awake, the room is washed in a soft morning light. Beside you, Leigh is already up, sitting on the edge of the bed in yesterday’s clothes. Her hair is pulled back casually, a few strands hanging loose, looking a bit disheveled but still unintentionally perfect—or perhaps that's just your infatuation speaking in the early morning haze. But you can't help yourself.
“Morning,” you mumble, voice gravelly from sleep, as you try to tame your own bedhead. You're still barely clothed under the thin covers in contrast to Leigh’s state of fully dressed. The realization makes you blush, remembering last night’s affairs. Subconsciously, you pull the covers tighter around your body, a wave of shyness washing over you.
“Hey,” Leigh whispers in return, giving you a small smile.
You prop yourself up on your elbows, feeling a pleasant ache in your inner thighs and back. “What time is it?” you ask, glancing around, trying to determine the time based solely on the sunlight filtering through the windows.
“It's still early,” she says, checking her phone. “But I've been up for a bit.”
You notice the creases in her clothes, evidence of a night spent on your floor. She seems a bit distant this morning, thoughtful, like she's already planning her day.
“You could have woken me,” you say, letting a small, teasing smile play across your lips.
Leigh shakes her head. “You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to wake you,” she says, her eyes holding yours for a moment longer than necessary. There's a warmth there, but also something you can't quite read.
“But I did make coffee,” she offers, tilting her head toward the kitchen. Her eyes land on the pile of your clothes scattered on the floor, remnants of just a few hours earlier. She clears her throat and her cheeks color a little as she says, “I'll let you get dressed first then.” Without another word, she heads back to the kitchen.
You grab some clothes and quickly dress, and then a thought hits you. Was Leigh watching you sleep? The idea makes you a bit giddy, flipping a fluttery feeling through your stomach. It's strange to think about, but also kind of endearing. Her sticking around this morning feels like a small victory. Being with Leigh felt good, but you weren’t sure what to expect at sunrise.
In the kitchen, you watch Leigh move with an easy familiarity, exploring the cabinets and figuring out where things are stashed. She quickly locates the mugs right above the coffee brewer, grabs two, and sets them down on the counter.
“How do you take yours?” she asks, her hand hovering over the sugar and cream.
You shrug. “Two creams, two sugars?”
Leigh is meticulous, measuring each spoonful of sugar, ensuring there's just the right amount of room for cream. Every small adjustment she makes for your preference makes your heart skip. You’re touched by the simple fact that she cares enough to know and remember exactly how you like it.
You realize, not for the first time, but perhaps the most profoundly, that you’re falling in love with her. You have been for some time now, but this morning it feels like the descent down a rollercoaster—fast, exhilarating, and a little bit terrifying. There's no slowing down or stopping it; you just have to close your eyes and hold on for dear life.
As you both sip your coffee, you find yourself easing into the comfort of small talk, curious about Leigh's return to working at The Beautiful Beast. She mentioned needing to help her mom out, especially after a few recent resignations—a situation you understand all too well from your own experiences with running a business and the never-ending struggles of hiring staff and managing them.
While part of you listens, another part is preoccupied with thoughts of last night. You want to delve into what happened, to ask if she enjoyed herself, and to apologize for not being more assertive. You want to confirm what it means for both of you, but the thought makes your hand tremble slightly around your coffee mug.
Before you can gather your courage, Leigh’s phone vibrates loudly on the table. She checks it and her expression tightens. “I need to go,” she says suddenly, standing up.
You automatically stand up too, but without a clear next move, you find yourself frozen, waiting for something to happen. Both of you are just standing there—Leigh figuring out how to leave, and you, how to say goodbye.
Then, as if deciding for both of you, Leigh steps forward and gives you a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll see you later,” she says.
“Bye,” you reply, a bit dazed as you watch her grab her things and leave.
You touch your lips, feeling the ghost of Leigh’s quick kiss, an electric zip that lingers like the aftertaste of strong coffee. You’ve seen Leigh in nothing but shadows and moonlight, felt the undeniable press of her bare skin against yours, but the shock of her kiss never dulls. It’s a bit like being struck by lightning—no matter how many times it happens, you never get used to the jolt.
-
Sara sits confidently across from you, dressed in a black turtleneck and slacks, attire appropriate for a formal interview. Earlier, she mentioned she's finishing her thesis and is interested in a part-time job that can accommodate her academic commitments, which seems ideal. However, the situation is far from perfect. Ideally, hiring someone you once found attractive isn't the best practice, but she's the only applicant who has responded to your job postings so far.
Feeling her eyes fixed on you, you fiddle with the sleeves of your coat while reviewing her résumé. Between you is a history as transient as a wisp of smoke but clear nonetheless. You’d almost ventured into something with her after a lonely night spent swiping through an app you swore off a dozen times before. And with the recent memory of Leigh leaving your apartment still vivid in your mind, you question whether considering Sara for the job is the right decision.
“So?” Sara ventures after you've been quiet for a while. You feel your cheeks warm with a blush, realizing you've been stalling. Forcing yourself, you tear your eyes away from her rather impressive qualifications.
Letting out a sigh, you set down your glasses, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “Honestly, this just doesn't feel serious,” you confess. “I keep expecting Suzie to pop out with her phone, recording this whole thing as a prank.”
Sara's laughter spills out, rich and melodious. It’s infectious, and after a while you find yourself chuckling too.
“I promise, I'm serious,” she assures you, still smiling. She leans forward, her voice dropping to almost a whisper. “Look, our history was brief. We didn’t really date, we just met that one time—”
“Twice,” you interrupt, unable to resist correcting her.
Her smile broadens. “—outside of the app. We can be friends, forget all that other stuff, okay?”
You consider her words, searching her face for any sign of discomfort or hesitation. Finding none, you ask, “And that won’t be weird for you?”
“Not at all,” she replies confidently, her head shaking slightly. “And… if you're alright with just part-time for now?”
“Yeah, I can manage reception on my own some days,” you say. But there's another nagging thought that won't let you go.
Sara quickly catches on to your dithering. “What is it?”
“It's just... aren't you worried this job is a bit beneath you? You're chasing an MBA. Wouldn’t you rather find something more aligned with your degree?” you ask.
She leans back, her eyes narrowing slightly in thought. “I’ve considered that,” she says slowly, “but right now, the flexibility this job offers is what I need most. And honestly, I believe in what your clinic is doing—it's a good place to be, even if it’s just a stop along the way.”
You smile at that, genuinely touched by her kind words about your establishment and the work you do.
“Alright, then, I just have one more question to, uh, make this official,” you say, shuffling the papers in front of you. “You've got impressive organizational skills and a solid background in customer service. How do you think these will help you in a medical office setting?”
Sara doesn’t hesitate, her answer ready almost before you've finished speaking.
-
“Are we sure it's okay to leave Sara by herself while we grab lunch?” you ask, a slight frown forming as you think about what might need handling while you're gone.
Suzie gives you a reassuring smile as she slings her purse over her shoulder. “She’ll be fine. It’s usually quiet around this time, and I’ve given her a rundown of the essentials. Plus, she knows she can text me if anything comes up.”
You can't shake off a sliver of worry, knowing how overwhelming the first day can be. “Alright,” you say, still unconvinced but trusting Suzie’s judgment. “Let’s make it quick then.”
The two of you make your way to a charming little café tucked around the corner. It's a snug nook, celebrated for its hearty sandwiches and home-cooked soups. As you walk, the idea of bringing Leigh here bubbles up in your thoughts—she'd appreciate their renowned kale soup, you reckon.
As you line up to order, Suzie nudges your shoulder lightly. “So, not weird at all hiring an old flame?” she teases.
You roll your eyes. “It's strictly professional. And technically, we never really dated. We just… hung out.”
“Yeah, you hung her out to dry.”
“I’m still your boss for the next two weeks,” you remind her jokingly.
Suzie smirks and raises her hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, boss. I'll behave.”
“But seriously, you can't tease me about Sara anymore because, you know…I'm with Leigh now,” you say, looking down at your feet, hiding your grin.
Suzie turns to you, her eyes widening. “Oh. When did this happen?” she asks, her tone noticeably flat. You were expecting her to be more excited about the news.
Your spirits dip a little at Suzie's lackluster reaction. You straighten up and decide to share the brief version of your reunion with Leigh. As you recount the events to Suzie, you keenly watch her reactions, hoping for a clue into her thoughts. You mention forgiving Leigh and how, after forgiveness was exchanged, Leigh kissed you. Throughout your story, Suzie's expression remains unreadably neutral.
When you finish, she finally speaks, “Honestly, I'm happy for you. Just make sure you're both on the same page.”
“She did stay until morning,” you tell Suzie, feeling a need to convince her—and maybe yourself—that this is significant. After all, someone making you coffee in the morning has to mean something, right?
“Okay, that’s definitely a good sign,” she says with cautious optimism. “But have you guys talked about what this all means? Like, are you actually together now or what?”
The reality of her question gradually settles on you after a few moments. “We haven't really defined anything,” you admit.
Suzie heaves a sigh just as it's her turn to order. She picks a dark chocolate frappuccino and a salmon bagel, loaded with extra cream cheese, then drifts off to a corner to wait while you place your order. As you step up to the counter, you realize you’ve lost your appetite. You settle for an Americano and a mixed bowl of fruit to go. When your food and drinks are ready, you both head to a corner booth by the window.
Suzie, picking up on your nervousness, advises, “Just take things slow, okay?”
You murmur a noncommittal, “Mhm,” your thoughts adding, Too late for that. The two of you eat in silence until the chime of a text notification breaks through—from Leigh.
You can feel Suzie’s curious gaze at you while you read Leigh’s text:
[12:33 PM] Leigh: Thanks for last night
You hover over the keypad, unsure how to respond.
You’re welcome?
The pleasure was all mine?
You shake your head, cringing at your own thoughts. Suzie catches your expression and squints at you. “Everything alright?” she asks.
“It’s Leigh,” you mumble, glancing briefly from your phone to meet Suzie’s questioning look.
“What did she say?”
Instead of explaining, you tilt your phone towards Suzie, letting her read the message herself. A few seconds later, a knowing smirk forms on her face.
“She’s playing it safe,” Suzie concludes.
Your phone pings again, making you jump. Almost fumbling it, you quickly check the new message and read it aloud:
[12:34 PM] Leigh: Hey, quick question. What dog shampoo would you recommend? Logan's perfumed smell doesn't really last long.
“She's playing it way too safe,” Suzie remarks, clicking her tongue in disapproval.
Ignoring Suzie, you quickly type back, suggesting a favorite of yours, and include a link to an online store.
[12:35 PM] You: Try this one <link>. It's hypoallergenic and it should keep Logan smelling fresh longer than the others I've tried.
After sending the message, you look up to find Suzie still wearing a small smile.
“What a bunch of modern idiots,” she murmurs, loud enough for you to hear, before taking a hearty sip from her drink.
You and Leigh continue texting about Logan and his needs. She mentions she'll drop by tomorrow to pick up his supplies. You keep to yourself that you're already planning to gather everything and surprise her by dropping it off at her place—an excuse to see her again.
-
You leave the clinic early, gripping a bouquet of flowers in one hand and Logan’s bag of supplies in the other. Since that lunch with Suzie, you've been introspective and quiet, wrestling with the idea that she might be right about defining your relationship with Leigh. You realize you're already in too deep, weary of assumptions and the uncertainty of not knowing where you stand with her.
Expecting to find Leigh at her mom's fitness studio in the late afternoon, you make your way there.
But she isn't there.
“Oh, hi, Y/N,” Jules greets you from behind the reception desk. She's busy wiping down the counter and sorting through stacks of folders—membership forms that appear to have accumulated over the past few years.
“Is Leigh around?” you ask, scanning the mostly deserted area. Your eyes sweep past the maintenance staff quietly going about their cleaning, but there’s no sign of Leigh.
You miss the brief flicker of discomfort that crosses Jules's face at the mention of her sister. “Leigh's probably at home,” Jules says evenly, going back to her task. “She takes every Tuesday off.”
While you’re still distracted (and a little disappointed), Jules notices the bouquet you’re holding.
“Are those for her?” she asks.
You give the bouquet of red Chrysanthemums a slight wave, then a bit sheepishly, you nod and confirm, “Yeah.”
“That's sweet, Y/N,” Jules comments, her lips curving slightly.
She seems to expect you to leave since Leigh isn't around, but instead, you take a seat on one of the stools at the reception.
“How are you, by the way?” you ask, flashing a warm smile at her. You lean your arms on the counter and start drumming your fingers, genuinely interested in her response.
“You sure you wanna hang around? Leigh hates waiting for anyone,” she says. Though her words are light, there’s a shadow behind them that yanks your attention.
“Is everything okay? I mean, with you and Leigh?” you ask cautiously. Jules doesn’t speak for a moment too long, and you nearly backtrack, thinking maybe a lighter topic might salvage the awkward silence.
But just as you’re about to pivot, she blurts out, “I moved out recently.”
You gawk at her, surprised by the sudden confession. Jules notices your open-mouthed shock and it almost coaxes a laugh from her. She's somewhat entertained by your astonishment but also touched that you cared enough to ask. Inside, she’s glad she secretly cheered for you over Danny.
“I know, right? Bet you didn't see that coming,” she says with a wry smile.
“Moving out is definitely a big step,” you reply, “but uh, you kind of didn’t really answer my question there.”
Jules chuckles and rounds the counter to sit beside you. “No,” she says flatly, her expression sobering as she sits beside you. “And honestly, I'd rather not hash out my issues with Leigh unless it's with my therapist. Talking about it just feels like letting her win somehow.”
She lets out a deep breath, her gaze drifting away momentarily. “And no, I didn't plan on moving out. I just got tired of being treated like crap by my own family.”
Jules starts picking at the edge of the counter before she looks up. She had mentioned not wanting to discuss it, but somehow, she finds it easy to open up to you.
“I mean, obviously, we're not related by blood,” she continues, “and yeah, it's the 21st century—being adopted shouldn't be a big deal, right? But even though it's common, it doesn't make me feel any more part of the family, any less like an outsider. I feel like an eternal letdown, like I'm always just shy of what they hoped I'd be.”
“What exactly are they hoping for?” you ask softly.
Jules shrugs, her eyes darting away as she wraps her arms around herself protectively. “I don't really know. It's more of an outline than a shape.”
You think about her words for a moment before adding your two cents. “Could it be that maybe some of this pressure is self-imposed? Maybe you're the one filling in the blanks with what you think they expect of you? It's okay just to be yourself, you know. You don't have to be everything to everyone, and that’s perfectly fine,” you say.
Jules nods slowly, her gaze fixed on some distant point. Then, quietly, almost a whisper, she adds, “It's tough, especially with my…you know…past drinking problem. Even though I've been clean for months, it feels like I'm always on trial, always having to prove I’m better now. And when I slip up, even just a little…” her voice falters, “I just... I imagine what they must think of me, if they—”
“If they love you any less for it?” you interject gently.
Her eyes snap back to yours, slightly wet and reddened. Instinctively, you reach out for her hand. Jules grasps it in return, and you give her hand a comforting squeeze.
“I don't really know Leigh in terms of family stuff,” you say, shifting uncomfortably on your stool as you choose your words carefully. “And maybe you've got it right, Jules. But then again, maybe not. See, when we really care about someone, we tend to put them on a pedestal, root for them so hard that sometimes, without even realizing it, we might push them a bit too much.”
You let the thought sit for a while, then continue, your own quandaries weaving into your speech. “Maybe it's best if you talk to Leigh about this... I mean, personally, I need to talk to Leigh about something too. I want to stop assuming things and thinking my perspective is the whole reality. We all do it, don’t we? Set traps for ourselves with our own expectations and assumptions.”
Jules sniffles, manages a faint smile, and discreetly wipes away a tear with her pinkie. Then, unexpectedly, she leans forward and hugs you, her head resting snugly against your cheek. You return the embrace, gently rubbing her back in random circles.
When she steps back, there's a new light of recognition in her eyes.
“You remind me of Matt.”
You're not sure if that's a flattering comparison or not. You did connect with Matt, after all, not because you were opposites that attracted, but because you saw parts of yourself reflected in him—similar interests, similar ways of thinking.
You can’t help but ask, “How so?”
“Matt always played mediator between Leigh and me. Oddly enough, we both really listened to him, took his opinions to heart. He had this wisdom, you know?” She stops for a second, her expression clouding over. “Which really threw me when I found out about some of the... stupid choices he made.” She gestures towards you apologetically, adding, “No offense.”
“None taken,” you assure her quickly with a lopsided smile.
“Yeah, Matt was that person in the family who really saw everyone, who tried to knit us all together. I miss him,” Jules says wistfully. She looks past your shoulder, into the distance, as if she's seeing his ghost. You don’t look behind you. You can see his ghost in her eyes clearly.
Jules continues, “And whatever went down with Leigh, I don’t think it was all his fault. Leigh... she can be challenging to love sometimes. Oh god, that sounds awful, doesn’t it? I’m sorry.”
You shake your head, understanding what she means more than she might think. “It's okay, Jules. It's hard, loving people isn't always straightforward or easy. They say love brings out the best in us, but often, it brings out the worst.”
“It’s like I can hear Matt talking, but in a female voice,” Jules jokes, returning to her post. “Anyway, are you and my sister finally going out?”
“That’s what I’m hoping to find out soon,” you say, gesturing to the bouquet you're holding. You feel a bit forward buying flowers for a girl, especially since you don’t even know what Leigh's favorite flowers are—or if she likes them at all.
Jules gives you a mischievous grin and says, “Well, good luck with that. For what it's worth, I don't think Leigh dumped Danny for nothing. She seems to really like you.”
“Thanks, that means a lot,” you say, feeling a bit more buoyed as you rise from your seat.
With a final nod to Jules, you head out, the bouquet of flowers in hand feeling less silly and more like a talisman as you drive straight to Leigh's house.
-
You pull into the driveway of the Shaw residence, your hands gripping the steering wheel a tad too tightly. The bouquet of flowers sits next to you, a daunting shade of red against the gray upholstery, and Logan’s supplies are carefully arranged in the backseat. You mentally rehearse your opening line to Leigh, hoping the surprise might soften the ground for the conversation that needs to follow.
You ring the doorbell and wait, shifting from foot to foot, your hand gripping the stem of the flowers a little too tightly while your other arm cradles the box containing Logan’s things. But when the door swings open, it's not Leigh who greets you.
“D-Danny,” you stammer, the subtle smile on your lips completely falling away.
What is he doing here?
Danny looks equally unenthused to see you. “Hey,” he replies, his eyes briefly dropping to the flowers before meeting yours again. “Looking for Leigh?”
Before you can respond, Leigh appears behind him. Her face emerges as she peers at you over his shoulder, his towering height partially obstructing your view of her. She looks utterly surprised to see you at her doorstep, giving you the impression that she wasn't expecting you and maybe you shouldn't be here at all.
“I… I thought of bringing Logan’s supplies now since I’m free, but… yeah, I should probably go—”
“Danny was just leaving,” Leigh announces abruptly.
You find yourself frozen, rooted to the spot as you turn to face her. Danny looks poised to object, but Leigh fixes him with a look. It's enough. His defiance melts into resignation, his shoulders dropping slightly as he exhales a heavy sigh.
“Fine,” he grumbles, “I'll call you later, Leigh.” He stalks off without waiting for a reply.
You’re still looking at the ground, the front door cracked open, a draft passing in between you and Leigh as you stand on her doorstep.
What was Danny doing here? You can't seem to shake it off.
Leigh reaches out and gently touches your elbow, nudging you inside. “Come in,” she murmurs, leading you past the threshold.
Inside, Leigh takes the box of supplies from your hands. She starts sorting through it, tossing a casual “Thanks” over her shoulder as she examines the contents. Her focus is entirely on Logan’s needs until she looks up and spots the bouquet you’re still hanging onto.
Your cheeks flush as her gaze shifts to the flowers. You had fantasized about a dazzling smile breaking across her features at the sight. Instead, Leigh’s expression tightens with skepticism, her eyes narrowing slightly as she regards the bouquet.
“Flowers?” Leigh inquires uncertainly.
It's not the response you'd imagined, and you suddenly find yourself scrambling for an explanation, the bouquet feeling unexpectedly cumbersome in your grasp.
“I, uh, passed by a flower shop,” you start, fiddling with a petal as you concoct a small white lie. “I bought some for myself and figured, since I was coming over with Logan's supplies, maybe you'd like some too.”
You've both seen each other naked just hours ago, yet somehow that doesn't seem to matter now. This doesn't feel any easier than before you slept together.
“They are pretty,” she says, accepting the flowers. She looks around for a moment. “I'll find a vase for these.”
Relieved she's accepted them, you seize the opportunity to change the topic. You're on the verge of asking why Danny was just here, but to your own surprise, a completely different question slips out.
“Where's Logan today?”
“He's with mom,” Leigh says, returning to the living room holding a plain-looking vase. “She’s really bonded with him. Actually, she's out showing him off to some old friends today.”
That coaxes out a small smile from you, imagining Logan charming everyone he meets.
Now the roles reverse and Leigh takes her turn with the questions. “How about you? Weren't we supposed to meet for Logan’s stuff tomorrow?” A beat passes, and she adds, “I wasn’t expecting you.” Her tone isn’t harsh, but it's clear that Leigh isn't fond of surprises. You mentally file that away for future reference.
“I wanted to see you,” you say, the words tumbling out more bluntly than planned. “You left so quickly this morning after... after last night.”
Then, almost without thinking, you find yourself nodding toward the door Danny had exited through, the question spilling out before you can reel it back. “Why was Danny here?” It sounds more accusatory than you intend, and you hurry to cushion it, not wanting to come off as possessive. “I mean, I thought you two were—”
“Broken up?” Leigh fills in the blank sharply. She sets the vase down slowly, then turns to face you, her expression becoming more earnest by the second.
“Yes, we are,” she confirms, crossing her arms lightly over her chest. “Danny came by to pick up some of his things he had left here. It's not... we’re not back together. But if you’re asking why he’s still in my life, then I have news for you, Y/N: we’re friends. And he’s still Matt’s brother.”
You bite your lip, feeling a surge of defensiveness rise within you. “I'm just wondering, that's all,” you manage to say, trying not to sound too confrontational or possessive. You’re suddenly aware of how precarious your position is—you’re not really entitled to feel jealous or make demands. After all, Leigh hasn't given you any sort of claim over her; you're not officially anything. You came here hoping maybe that would change, but now you worry you might be messing it all up.
“Of course you can be friends with whoever you want,” you add hastily.
“Exactly,” she says, but then she pauses, scrutinizing you with a curious tilt of her head. “But what about you?” she presses, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you, like a predator stalking its prey.
You give her a quizzical look.
“The flowers, showing up without a heads-up... What are you hoping to get out of this?”
As Leigh’s gaze bores into you, probing and skeptical, something inside you snaps. The hurt ricochets through you, searing and unexpected. She was so delicate with you, making you feel all sorts of things while doing wonderful, unspeakable things to your body, and now she’s making you question your own reality.
“I've been falling in love with you, Leigh,” you say, your voice rising without your permission, the words bouncing off the walls with a force that startles even you. “Are you just enormously daft or do you not care at all?”
Silence crashes down like a heavy curtain following your admission.
But Leigh doesn’t flinch from your outburst, nor does she display any signs of distress. She remains eerily still, almost statue-like. Yet, when you look into her eyes, you see it—the unsteadiness there, the only part of her that seems vulnerable to your scrutiny.
Then, she speaks. Just one word, but it's enough to completely deflate you, a response more chilling than if she had simply said she didn't care.
“No.”
“What—” you start, but she cuts you off.
“You don’t love me.”
The certainty with which she says it feels like a door slamming shut, final and resolute, leaving no room for doubts or arguments. Your mouth hangs open, muted by her unequivocal assertion that you don't love her.
You’re gearing up to tell her how wrong she is, to insist that what you feel is real, but she cuts you off with a question that feels like a bucket of ice water.
“When you learned that ‘Nick’ was just Danny all along, that Matt’s brother helped him betray me, what was your first thought?” Leigh's voice is clinical, almost detached.
You feel like you’re missing something, grasping at the air for an answer that will satisfy her. Her gaze traps you, demanding truth, and you realize you can’t escape until you give it to her. What does she want to hear? What is she trying to understand from this?
“My first thought?” you repeat, trying to remember how it made you feel. “I felt sorry for you, Leigh. I couldn’t believe someone so close to you would do that. I felt angry for you, and yeah, I felt really sorry that you had to go through it.”
Leigh's eyes flicker, a subtle shift like a wince. “You pitied me,” she says, her voice cold. “And you also wanted to fuck me. That can be a real killer combo you could mistake for love.”
You stumble back a step, your legs suddenly weak as her words sink in. It's as if she's taken your heart and laid it bare under a harsh light, reducing your feelings to something small and pitiful, far from the love you thought you felt.
Finding the nearest surface to lean on, you press your back against the front door. The temptation to leave, to walk away from this painful confrontation, is strong. But the beautiful, infuriating creature in front of you couldn't be more wrong about you, about love, about how you feel for her. And you’re hell-bent on changing her mind, even if it’s the last thing you do.
“Then why be with me last night?” you challenge, your voice strained. “If you really think that, why even bother?”
Leigh's smile takes on a mocking twist, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Just satisfying your curiosity,” she says. “I wanted to lift the veil for you, help you realize it's nothing more than just guilt and sympathy.”
You shake your head. “I don't believe that. Last night wasn't just curiosity or some misguided sense of duty. It was real, Leigh. And I think you know that too.”
Her eyes remain hard, but just beneath, there's a shimmer—perhaps doubt, or something like it.
“You think you know what love is?” she whispers, her voice so faint it's almost lost. “You think it's just about feeling sorry for someone and wanting them?”
“No,” you say firmly. “I think it's about seeing someone for who they are, flaws and all, and wanting to be there for them anyway. I think it's about standing by someone even when it's hard, even when they push you away. And Leigh, I see you. I see all of you, and I still want to be here.
“I love you, Leigh,” you declare, the words tumbling out almost uncontrollably. Ever since you stepped off that plane and your feet touched back on home ground, you've been aching to say it.
Her eyes turn steely, the brief flicker of doubt swallowed up by resolve. “You say that now,” Leigh counters, her laugh dark and hollow. “But I'm not easy. Loving me might just kill you.”
“Leigh—”
“Why do you think Matt was found at the bottom of a forty-foot drop?” she nearly screams, her voice fraying at the edges of hysteria. She starts pacing, her movements restless and agitated. “Why do you think he came to you? Why do you think he kept running from me?”
At the mention of her dead husband, everything suddenly makes sense. The walls she’s built, her reluctant heart—it’s not about being mysterious or difficult. It’s about fear, a deep, visceral terror of being the storm that wrecks another life. Leigh isn't just pushing you away out of whimsy or cruelty; she's doing it because she believes it's the only way to prevent history from repeating itself.
“I’m not Matt.”
She stops pacing, her eyes locking onto yours, filled with anger, fear, and something that looks a lot like pain. “No, you’re not Matt. But you don’t get it. He couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle me. I drove him away, and I’ll drive you away too.”
“You didn’t drive Matt away. He was running from his own demons, not you. And I’m not afraid of you. I’m here because I want to be. Because I—”
Her face crumples, the mask she’s been wearing cracking. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” she whispers. “You don’t know what it’s like.”
“I know it’s not easy,” you say, closing the distance between you. You feel her radiating every feeling she’s struggling to contain, the ones she’s attempting to shield from you. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for all of it.”
Her eyes well up, tears slipping down her cheeks. But she doesn’t move away. “Why?” she asks, her voice so small and child-like. “Why would you want to stay?”
“Because I love you,” you say simply, “and I’m not afraid of the cost.”
Leigh gives you a look that could freeze fire—like you’ve just spoken the worst of blasphemies.
“Stop looking at me like that,” you murmur, cupping her neck gently.
“Like what?” she asks, her voice trembling.
“Like it’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard.”
She attempts to smooth over her expression, trying to regain some semblance of control, but there’s a fleeting moment where she resembles a chastised child. You can't help but smile gently, touched by her unguarded reaction.
“Leigh,” you whisper, taking her hands in yours. “One date. Go out with me. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you why it can be a good thing.”
She lets out a shaky breath, and for the first time, there’s a glimmer of hope in her eyes. She nods, almost imperceptibly, but it’s enough. It’s a start.
“Okay,” she whispers in surrender. “One date.”
#unbetad#my writing#my fic#elizabeth olsen x reader#elizabeth olsen#leigh shaw x reader#leigh shaw x female reader#leigh shaw#sorry for your loss au#leigh shaw x you#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x you#sorry i had to tag wanda x reader for visibility
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besides begging for a part 3.. even though you should give it to us :)
what are your all time favorite fics, i need some recs!! could be old and new
the way i was about to make a fic rec post lol!!
Fic Recs
@pb524830
Right where you left me- This was the first fic i’ve read of hers and i fell in love, the writing is something else i tell you
Pride and Prejudice- 10/10 would read it again it’s sooo good
Moth to Flame- I am loving this series so far , literally obsessed hello?
@imaginespazzi
You weren’t mine to lose- the amount of angst in that is so necessary and i just love it sm
UCLA fic- all time top 5 favorite series
GH- Begging for chapter 11 because i am too obsessed !!
@azzibuckets
For the love of the game- this was something else and i have sooo much love for it, cessa is a queen
Good luck Babe- hurt my heart but i still love it smmm
@thaatdigitaldiary
Open your eyes- ke knows what she is doing and i love it , that had me in awe i tell you
from ms to mrs- YES YES YESS
What Am I to You- YES.
@ohbueckers
two can play that game- i love tropes like these and ju is eating up the chapters left and right
What’s my name?- impatiently waiting on another chapter because that series did something to me..literally
HOAW- new fav fic hello?
@patscorner
Ace of Hearts- i will be harassing pat for chapter 3 don’t worry guys
@sierrale8ne
40 days and 40 nights- i just think this is spectacular and that’s all there is to say
Power trip- this was something else..everything about i adored literally
@mrsarnold
white ferrari- i love me some fics from leila, this fic was teww good i enjoyed it smm!
@cosmopretty
read her new fic on wattpad “her girl” i love it so far!!
i don’t have a specific fic i love because all of them are really good, i would say take your pick bc i’m indecisive!!
@money4martin
the nanny- i’m mostly reading this on wattpad and i loveee it, she’s such a good writer
@lupinqs
firsts- me being a pazzi girl, i loved this fic sm it’s one of my top 5 for sure
take me to church- i love everything about this series, like it’s really just a chefs kiss and it’s relatable too??
@makethemhoesmad
skip this part?- y’all know i love me some angst.. and karly delivered it perfectly with this fic! thank god!
liability- she likes to play with my heart but i forgive her eveytime bc the writing is impeccable, this series was a rollercoaster for me
@sellasstories @heyitssells
Close- i loved this with all my heart ,she’s amazing bye
@d3arapril
Invisible strings- yes.yes.yes.
@azzifuddworlddomination
Casual- my inspiration for my fic because hers i just can’t get over like i love you down 🤗
@bbydoll18xx
don’t even have a favorite, all her fics are chefs kiss and that’s the truth
@kmoneymartini
fics are sooo easy to obsess over hello?? i’m glad she’s my moot too
@wcbblife
all there is to say is yes and go read NEOWWWW
@iminlovewithpaigebueckers
i should slap myself because why haven’t i read any of her fics earlier hello? I FREAKING LOVE THEM?
@bueckersstrap
my sweet baby celeste and her writing 😫 i yearn for it thank you queen
@lovegalor333
chefs kiss EVERY.SINGLE.TIME
@pboogerswbb
my lila baby is on a roll and i need MORE.
@leilanihours
it’s saurrrr good 10/10 i love!!
@luvergirl-866
writing is so teaaa i’m obsessed with the pazzi series <33
@onlyhereforpazzi
love the pazzi fics down!!!
@pazzilover101
@pbaz7
everything written is just OUU
@bueckersbitch
my sweet baby yes
@ldapper
mhmhmhhh 🤭
@bucketbueckers
ouuuweeee i love
@starlighttsv
my sweet baby
@ohmybueckers
just.. FUCKKKK
@vamptizm
my queen 😊😊😊
@uconnwbbcrashout
——-
Ao3
Grow as we go- all time favorite pazzi series, i will be reading it again thank you!
Slow falling- i fear the author has given up on us but i will still like to have hope we get another chapter 😞
I’m pretty sure i have more but i can’t remember atm, i will add on as i find and read more fics!! 💌
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KLANCE FIC RECS FOR THE NEW YEARS RECAP PART ONE
2024 has come to an end! Here are all of my fav fav Voltron fics and authors that I've interacted with throughout the year. I'm trying to make this list as diverse as possible so everyone can find some tropes they like but I PROMISE all these fics are worth a read. Listed in no particular order, we have:
fear no more the heat o' the sun by taromi | 28k | Canon-Divergent
This fic is an ASTOUNDING depiction of Keith's perspective on life and how Lance changes things up. Every scene between them added not only to their dynamic, but also to our vision of Keith. We see how he is and how things unfold so beautifully. The prose is beautiful and the scenes carry both fluff/emotion so well.
Silver Bells by heavily_caffeinated/@heavilycaffeinatedsblog | 86.3k | Christmas AU
I'm not one for much holiday cheer/hallmark-esque tropes, but caf's writing still managed to draw me in so much. I applaud Caf sincerely for their incredible diligence to upload a chapter everyday (totaling to 86k words in 25 days!!), and their enthusiasm to include everyone in it's creation. This fic is a pure show of passion, in both it's story and the creation of the story. I encourage you all to check out their other fics too.
late night talking (can’t get you off my mind) by ShatterinSeconds/@shatterinseconds | 5.8k | Werewolf!Keith
This fic is SO GOOD for touch starved Keith. It's short and sweet and you get both perspectives of their pining and feelings together. It's a really cute one shot, and I had trouble picking between this fic and other fics by the author so check those out too! Also @shatterinseconds is the goat for not only commenting on all my fics, but somehow always being in the comment section of every fic I read.
Hearts Don'/t Break Around Here by klancekorner | 135.5k | Roommates/Childhood Best Friends
This fic is a classic in the KL fandom but I still don't hear it talked about enough!! I don't usually like childhood best friends trope that much but this fic made me LOVE it!!! It also portrays Lance's anxiety and Keith's avoidance so so well and shows them growing up beautifully.
Cores of Diamond by speaks/@speakswords | 25.6k | Friends with Benefits
One time I lost this fic in my bookmarks and spent a whole day trying to find it. It's such a good depiction of the way KL don't always see eye to eye due to a lack of proper communication and bridging that gap between them. Has NSFW scenes!
Where the water meets the sky by speaks/@speakswords | 106.3k | Mer!Keith
I NEEDED to rec another speaks fic, this one is unfinished but it ends on a conclusive note. There's themes of growing up, living with changes, reunions, and also lots and lots of feelings.
got got got it bad by kairiolette | 10.3k | Post-War | Pining Keith
This one is also pretty popular. It's so so funny. And so real. Keith goes through the five stages of grief as he realizes he loves Lance and like. Of course he would do that. Really sweet.
so kiss me (kiss me kiss me kiss me) and tuesday's sweetheart (sunday's lover) by hearttpoem | 10k | roommates AU | getting together
This author writes the BEST modern/roommates AU. I love the way KL lives together in their fics and I love the way you can see different love languages in the fics. I was going back and forth between which fic to rec and I chose both these fics cuz I read them all the time!!
Where the apple falls by europa_report/@jupiters-junipers | 130k+ | post-war | comatose
No fic rec list is complete without this fic. This fic is genuinely one of my favorite KL fics, its not finished but I believe the author will finish it. The prose is beautiful and it is an entire emotional rollercoaster. You guys should definitely check this fic out
I've Said Too Much (You Promise I Can't Ever Say Enough) by negativefouriq | 1.8k | Autistic!Lance | Est Relationship
This fic is short, sweet, and such a good depiction of having so many thoughts and wanting to share them all and the anxieties of it. Keith's perspective and his reactions to Lance are very healing to read.
baby, i'll rock your world by AsterikaMay/ @catsushinyakajima | 9.5k | Christmas AU | Gift giving
I am putting one of my fics here lol because I did enjoy writing this one a lot! I keep writing fics about gift giving and pining...this must say something about me ahahah
Part two here
#klance#klance fic rec#keith kogane#lance mcclain#vld fic rec#voltron fic rec#voltron legendary defender
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Forget to Remember, Chapter 17 Fandom: Alan Wake (Video Games) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Fictional Alex Casey/Alan Wake Additional Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Canon Compliant, Canon Retelling, POV First Person, Romance, Horror, Angst, Drama, Humor, Friendship, Character Study, Self-Discovery, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Miscommunication, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Established Relationship, Alan Wake Has 99 Problems and Dramatic Irony Is #1 Series: Part 2 of Kill Your Darlings Summary: The trip to Bright Falls was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, a chance to get out from under the collapsed remains of my writing career and to reconnect with my wife. But it was just another part of the spiral. The longest fall into dark depths. I landed into the arms of the person I least expected, the hero I had forgotten.
Determined to find answers, Alan breaks into Hartman's office. Instead of finding the file the psychologist has on him, he discovers two cassette tapes which reveal another perspective on the tragic turn of his writing career following The Sudden Stop.
Read chapter 17 on Ao3 here!
#alan wake 2#alan wake#alex casey#caseywake#remedy entertainment#wondrouswendy's writing#fictional alex casey#forget to remember fic#we interrupt the boopening with a fic update#another rollercoaster chapter for alan#thank you so much for reading!!
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Only When It's Us ,, chap: 19 — let go ✎
// series index //
warnings: emotional rollercoaster? silly -> freaky -> cute -> sobbing (but in a good way!) i had to write this as quickly as possible, pls ignore the mistakes, i literally rushed it but i still think it's good !! 😣
nsfw warnings: lots of kissing (IT'S THEIR THING), tittie play, oral (f! recieving), dirty talk-ish??, protected sex.
wc: 5.2k+
note: probably my fave chapter haha
the cafe is quiet, the soft hum of conversation and the occasional clink of cups creating a relaxed atmosphere. it’s not crowded, just a handful of students scattered across tables. you and jungkook decided to meet up here, both having an hour to kill before your next class.
jungkook is sitting beside you, one hand intertwined with yours while his other hand holds his phone as he casually scrolls through his schedule for the day. he’s dressed in his usual casual style; sweatpants and a simple shirt that somehow manages to make him look unfairly attractive. his dark hair falls messily over his forehead, making him look effortlessly sexy. he's literally making it hard for you not to stare and drool over him.
he hums softly, almost to himself. “i could skip the next class if i wanted to,” he says, placing his phone down on the table.
you tilt your head, curious. “oh really?”
he nods, leaning back in his chair, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “yeah, it’s just a lecture. i’ve already got the notes.”
before you can say anything else, a soft voice cuts in. “i am so glad i don’t have any classes after this,”
you glance at the silver haired man infront of you and smile slightly before another familiar voice speaks up. “yeah, guess what? i don’t even have classes anymore,”
jungkook chuckles beside you, his thumb brushing over your hand absentmindedly. “must be nice, hyung,” he teases, and you can’t help but laugh a little.
yoongi and jimin are at your table too. jimin, the silver-haired guy you’ve seen before in a very awkward situation, is here to meet yoongi today. and to your surprise, he talks like you’ve been part of their group for ages, his energy is warm and welcoming, which you really appreciate.
jimin leans back in his chair, turning to yoongi. “you know, i was just thinking about that night.. the one when jason got punched.”
your stomach drops at the mention, and you shift in your seat, suddenly very interested in your cup of coffee.
“i was like, over there in the middle of the dance floor,” jimin starts as he recalls the scene. “i don't even know who i was with, there was some chick grinding on me and then POW! i heard the punch, and everyone just stopped and turned towards the sound. taehyung was already sprinting towards jungkook and jason, and oh my god, i was so ready to cheer for the fight!!!” he pauses. “but then i saw the look on yoongi's face and thought, ‘oop, never mind. gotta make it stop.’”
jimin chuckles and glances at yoongi, who shakes his head, clearly unimpressed by the retelling.
a few days after that night, jason apologized to you. it was awkward but sincere, and you listened as he explained himself, it was clear that he regretted it.
“i messed up, i know that,” he said,“i shouldn’t have pushed things the way i did. and, uh… i totally deserved that punch.”
you raised an eyebrow, surprised that he was acknowledging it so openly. “yeah, well. i am glad you're aware,” you said.
he sighed, looking down for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “i guess it's time for goodbyes? i don't know, i don't think we're gonna get along well, especially since your boyfriend hates me.”
you were surprised at the ‘boyfriend’ title but you chose to ignore it and nodded slowly, “i get that, and yeah.. i think it’s best if we’re not friends anymore. i don’t want to keep dragging things out too,”
you watched him walk away. you haven’t talked to jason since that day, and this time, you knew you made the right choice.
jimin turns his attention to jungkook, who’s now watching him with an amused grin. “besides that, i thought it was fucking awesome, jungkook,”
jungkook chuckles softly, “yeah, getting into a fight with one of your friends is awesome now.”
jimin waves him off. “oh please i don't even care about him, he just happens to know a girl i used to fuck,”
“you’re lucky no one called the cops,” yoongi mutters, taking a sip of his coffee.
“oh, come on,” jimin says, grinning. “it wouldve been legendary, right jungkook?"
“i don't know, legendary or not ,” jungkook glances at you with a soft smile, “i’d rather not have a repeat of that night.”
you nod in agreement, grateful that the topic seems to be winding down. but jimin’s energy is contagious, and even though you’re a little embarrassed, you can’t help but smile at how he's excited about the 'fight'.
“well i think that he deserved it,” jimin announces playfully.
jungkook’s got that cocky grin on his face, the one that always makes you... well, horny. his hand casually slips under the table and onto your thigh. your breath hitches when you feel his fingers inching higher, sliding under your skirt. you glance at him, trying your best to act unbothered, even as your body betrays you with a slight shiver.
“he deserved it, didn’t he?” jungkook asks, his voice low and teasing, his dark eyes locked onto yours. the way he looks at you like he knows exactly what he’s doing to you, makes you so fucking wet.
“yeah,” you manage to say softly, even though you have no idea what he’s talking about. your mind is too preoccupied with the warmth of his hand gently stroking your inner thigh.
jimin interrupts with a playful grin. “i think ___'s awesome too, by the way. i saw that slap from miles away, and i was definitely cheering for you,” he pauses and gives yoongi a quick glance before continuing. “quietly, of course.”
you’re not embarrassed about the slap itself. honestly, to this day, you think she deserved far worse. but having it brought up so openly now, in front of everyone, makes you squirm a little.
“oh, um, yeah haha... thank you.” you mumble, feeling jungkook’s eyes on you. he’s smiling ear to ear, clearly entertained by your reaction.
yoongi clears his throat, his expression neutral but his tone laced with humor. “it’s good to see you two not being petty to each other anymore.”
both of your heads snap towards yoongi at the same time, and you chuckle nervously. jungkook smiles, slowly withdrawing his hand from under your skirt and intertwining it with yours on top of the table like nothing happened.
“we’re trying not to. at least i am,” jungkook says, half-joking, his tone so casual that you roll your eyes at him and without missing a beat, you kick him lightly under the table, shooting him a glare. jungkook shrugs a little and kisses your cheek and you can't help but smile.
yoongi and jimin watch the little exchange between you and jungkook, amusement evident on their faces. yoongi raises an eyebrow, shaking his head lightly, while jimin stifles a laugh behind his hand.
“you two are something else,” yoongi comments under his breath, earning a grin from both of you.
but neither of them presses any further, quickly falling back into their own conversation. jimin leans in closer to yoongi, gesturing something with his hands as he starts talking about something you can’t quite catch. yoongi listens intently, nodding along and occasionally throwing in a remark that makes jimin laugh.
their voices become background noise when you hear your phone ding, drawing your attention to the screen. you pick it up and unlock it, only to see a message from jungkook.
jungkook: you look so fucking hot rn, yk that?
you glance at him, raising an eyebrow as he sits there casually, his face unreadable except for the slight upward curve of his lips.
you type back quickly.
you: keep ur hands to yourself and be patient.
his phone buzzes and he checks the message, his grin widening as he types a reply.
jungkook: i am, baby. if i wasn't i would've ripped that skirt open and eat that pretty cunt of yours right now.
you feel your cheeks heat up, and he chuckles softly, clearly enjoying your reaction. you shove your phone into your lap, determined not to give him the satisfaction of seeing you flustered again, but the wetness building between your legs is saying something else.
jungkook is patient.
very patient.
no one's ever been this patient with you (except your parents, of course). your brother used to make fun of you—and still does—for having what he called "ridiculous standards." he’d tease you, saying that anyone who wanted to be with you would need the patience of a saint to deal with your stubbornness. back then, you’d laugh it off. but as you grew older, those words began to settle in your mind, twisting into a belief that maybe he was right.
that maybe no one could keep up with you.
you convinced yourself that your standards were too high, your stubbornness too much to handle. and the more you thought about it, the more it solidified into a quiet truth; you weren’t cut out for relationships.
but then theres jungkook.
he proved you wrong in ways you didn’t even know were possible.
he waited for you, even when you didn’t ask him to. even when you didn’t think anyone would. even when you were being stubborn as fuck.
he had this stubbornness to him that mirrored your own. when you were avoiding him, trying to brush him off with short responses or ignoring him altogether, he didn’t back down. he didn’t let you push him away.
he was like you in some ways, and that’s what made everything so frustrating annd oddly comforting at the same time. both of you were being immature about your argument, refusing to give in or apologize at first. but somehow, through all the tension and standoffs, he didn’t back off, and neither did you. and in a way, that’s what made it work.
and in other ways, you could probably say that... he matched your freak?
it was like he saw through all the walls you put up, and instead of trying to break them down, he just... stood there, waiting for you to let him in.
and when you did, he didn’t disappoint. he met every piece of you with something of his own, and it was messy, and it was imperfect, but it was real.
he’s the most patient man you’ve ever met, and the more time you spend with him, the more you realize just how much that patience means to you.
it’s in the way he looks at you, with so much love and care, as if he already knows you’re worth waiting for.
and you can’t stop loving him more and more for it.
but right now, in this moment, he's anything but patient.
jungkook's kissing you, hot and sloppy. his tongue grazes your bottom lip every few seconds, the kiss is wet, messy, and so fucking good.
he waited until you were done with your classes, but as soon as you stepped out, his patience snapped.
the next thing you knew; he was pulling you to his car and you didn't stop him because oh my god were you horny for this man. now you're in the back seat, ur hands tangled around his neck. one of his hands gripping your waist, and the other sliding under your skirt to rest on your thigh, squeezing it gently.
“fuck—does this remind you of something?” he pulls back, panting. his lips are swollen, and you can barely catch your breath.
“when we first—?” you start, breathless.
“yes,” he says, cutting you off with another kiss. you hum against his lips, melting into the way he moves.
“i fucking love kissing you,” he murmurs against your lips, sending a rush of heat through you.
“kiss me more then,” you challenge, your lips brushing his as you speak.
he pecks your lips once, a smile spreading across his face. “let's go to your place first,” he says, his hand giving your thigh one last squeeze before he pulls back, leaving you wanting more.
. . .
“ow—s-stop!!”
you laugh as jungkook keeps kissing your neck, the way he's doing it is almost like he's tickling you. he smiles against your skin but doesn't stop, his hands firm around your waist as he guides you backward into your room.
“jungkook!” you squeal when you feel his hands slide down your waist to your thighs, and with ease, he lifts you up, carrying you through the doorway.
he finally stops his playful kisses when he reaches your bed, his lips parting from your skin as he looks at you. both of you are smiling, your foreheads gently pressed together as you both savor the moment.
“you're so pretty,” he whispers, his voice soft and he sounds so sincere.
you feel yourself melting at his words.
“are you trying to flirt with me?” you tease, raising an eyebrow,
he tilts his head slightly, mirroring your teasing grin. “yeah, i am,” he says, placing you gently on the bed. he climbs over you, taking off his shirt immediately and leaning down to you.
his lips brushing your jaw as he murmurs, “can’t i flirt with my girlfriend?”
a pause.
your hand cups his cheek, pulling him closer. his lips inch toward yours, but just as he's about to kiss you, you press your palm against his mouth, stopping him.
he frowns, confused, while you smirk teasingly.
“but you ain't my boyfriend,” you say softly, leaning up slightly to place a playful yet soft kiss on the back of your hand still covering his lips. “and i ain't your girlfriend.”
he smiles against your palm, his eyes twinkling with amusement. he gently grabs your wrist, lowering your hand as he leans closer.
“but you don’t want me to see nobody else?” he asks, his lips barely brushing yours, his voice low and matching your teasing tone.
you shake your head slightly, your words barely above a whisper. “and i don’t want you to touch nobody else.” you confess
“but i ain’t your boyfriend?” he counters softly, placing a delicate kiss at the corner of your mouth.
you hum as your eyes flutter shut when you feel the heat of his breath and the gentleness of his lips.
“baby, we don’t have to tell nobody,” he murmurs, his hands slipping under your cardigan to rest on your waist. his thumbs gently rub your skin, the touch sending shivers down your spine.
your smile mirrors his as his lips meet yours again, the softness of the kiss promising more than words ever could.
he kisses you softer this time, and you do too, both of you lost in the intimacy. your hands graze his face, then trail down to his neck, too preoccupied with the moment to think about anything else.
his hands gently lift your cardigan up. you help him remove it, and as the fabric falls away, his touch lingers on your skin. and next comes your bra. he leans back slightly, his lips never straying far from yours, his big hands undoing the clasp at your back. the straps slide down your shoulders, and soon, it's discarded.
his kisses shift lower, finding your neck, and you let out a soft gasp when his lips touch your collarbone. your hands explore his chest, feeling the hard planes of his muscles. his hand catches your wrist gently, and he presses a tender kiss to your knuckles, making your heart flutter.
he moves lower, pressing soft kisses along your chest. his lips linger at the top of your breasts, and his large hand comes up to cup one of them gently.
“fuck…” he breathes out, his voice low and needy. his mouth finds your nipple, yyou can feel the warmth and wetness as he sucks it, his tongue swirling in slow, deliberate motions. his other hand kneads your other breast, his fingers brushing against your sensitive nipple.
your head falls back, a quiet moan escaping your lips, your back arching toward him. he hums against you, the vibrations sending shivers through your body. his mouth moves to your other breast, giving it the same attention, his lips and tongue working in harmony to drive you crazy.
you feel completely consumed by him, every touch and kiss leaving you breathless.
your legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, your skirt bunched up high, revealing the soft fabric of your underwear. his lips trail lower, leaving tender kisses along your stomach and hips, each touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. with care, he slides your skirt off, tossing it aside, leaving you exposed in nothing but your underwear.
“can i?” he asks as his head settles between your thighs, his gaze meeting yours.
“please,” you whisper, your voice trembling with need.
he doesn’t hesitate. his fingers hook into the waistband, sliding your underwear down, baring you completely to him. his lips press soft kisses against your lower lips, and you shiver, your body already aching for him.
his fingers part your folds gently, and he pauses for a moment, his gaze fixated on your glistening arousal. his lips curl into a grin as he looks up at you, his eyes dark. “all for me?” he asks, his voice a husky murmur.
“all for you baby,” you manage to breathe out, your voice filled with desparation.
his grin widens, and he doesn’t waste another second. his tongue glides over your wetness in one slow, delicious stroke, and you gasp as pleasure courses through you. your thighs tighten around his head instinctively, pulling him closer as he devours you.
his tongue circles your clit, flicking and sucking gently before moving to lick broad, teasing strokes along your folds. his lips close around your sensitive bud, and he sucks softly, making you moan his name louder and louder.
“mmmph— so fucking— pussy so delicious,” he mutters, his words muffled against your heat. his voice vibrates against your core, adding to the overwhelming sensations building inside you as he continues his relentless rhythm, savoring every inch of your pussy.
his tongue slowly glides down to your aching hole, he licks up the wetness there and pushes his tongue inside you. he starts tongue fucking you and you swear you see the fucking stars.
he moves his head up and down and you can feel his nose rubbing against your clit whenever he moves. you're literally a moaning mess right now.
“mmmgh— j-jungkook so goodd!!”
he grabs your thighs, tight enough to leave marks. he continues tongue fucking you, occasionally pressing kisses and licks on your clit.
you cum.
it's all sloppy and messy, all over his mouth, and he fucking loves it.
he licks you up so good, moaning at the taste of you as you try to catch your breath.
“fuck me, jungkook, p-please,” you gasp, panting, as he rises from between your thighs, quickly removing the rest of his clothes to reveal his already hard dick, standing tall against his lower stomach.
“fuck me jungkook.. please” you moan
“yeah? you're gonna beg for it baby?” he strokes his cock, grunting a little. “gonna beg for my cock like a good girl?”
“y-yes, please fuck me,” you beg. “need you in me,”
he moans and leans down to kiss you. the kiss is hungry, desparate, sloppy and so fucking hot.
he puts on a condom as fast he can and he positions himself at your entrance, gently tapping his dick on your dripping pussy.
he groans. “you look so fucking sexy,” he says as he looks at you panting and moaning, your pussy clenching around nothing, and he loves the way you look so needy for him.
he pushes his thick length inside you, stretching you wide. you let out whimpers as you grip the bedsheets around you. your walls clenching tightly around his girth. he groans, his face contorting with pleasure as he starts to move slowly, his hips rolling back and forth.
“o-oh fuck, baby— good fucking— pussy—” his words come out muffled as his thrusts grow faster and more urgent, his pubic bone slamming against your clit with each thrust. you're crying out in pleasure, your hands grabbing at his back and arms as you try to hold on. he's fucking you hard and fast, his dick pounding into your pussy like there's no tomorrow.
he sinks deeper, filling you completely, “mmnh!!... so good,” you pant, voice strained with pleasure. with each thrust, he hits that sweet spot inside you, coaxing out whimpers and gasps.
“fuck, baby— love this tight little cunt,” he grunts
the room fills with the sound of skin slapping against skin and your mingled moans. sweat beads on his forehead as he thrusts into you with increasing urgency, chasing his climax.
“g-god, you feel amazing,” he gasps, his eyes locked onto yours. “love how fucking wet and hot you are for me.”
your own pleasure builds, coiling tighter with each thrust. you arch your back, meeting him halfway, desperate for more contact.
“y-yes! yes, oh my god, jungkook—” you cry when picks up the pace even further.
with a final, deep push, he buries himself to the hilt and stills, his body shuddering as he reaches his peak. you can feel his cock twitching inside you.
your legs tremble, fingers digging into his shoulders as you ride out the intense orgasm.
he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close as you both pant and quiver in the aftermath. he presses gentle kisses to your neck
“i fucking love you.”
the next morning, you and jungkook are on the couch, in the living room, wrapped up in each other's warmth. you're peacefully sleeping with your head resting on his lap, while his fingers gently play with your hair. he's shirtless, and you can't resist softly tracing your fingers along his toned stomach and chest.
"you know what i think when i look at you?" jungkook asks, his voice soft as he brushes a strand of hair from your face. you hum in response, not fully awake.
"how can someone be this pretty?" he smiles down at you, his eyes sparkling, and you return the smile.
"back at ya," you reply with a playful grin.
"oh, you think i'm pretty?" he teases, his grin widening.
"yeah, of course! you're the prettiest," you say, your smile growing as you scrunch your nose, which he finds utterly adorable.
"what about hot?" he asks, his voice turning a little more playful. you sit up, shifting to climb onto his lap, and he smiles, his hands finding your waist to help you settle comfortably.
"the hottest," you respond, and he chuckles, a soft laugh escaping his lips.
the two of you lean in to kiss... but!!!
just as your lips are about to meet, the doorbell rings.
you sigh.
"must be the delivery guy or something," you say, and jungkook nods, pulling away from you. as you get up, jungkook gives you a playful slap on your ass. you yelp in surprise, and you can hear him laughing behind you as you make your way to the door.
you open the door, expecting to see a delivery person, but instead, your eyes widen in shock.
"what the fuck?" you say it out loud, clearly surprised by the sight in front of you.
"is this how you treat your guests?" a male voice calls out, sounding amused.
jungkook notices your surprise and quickly gets up, walking towards you to see what’s going on. "what happened, baby? who is it—" he stops mid-sentence when he sees a tall man standing in front of you. the man is holding a suitcase, dressed in a sharp navy blue suit, his dark hair perfectly styled, and his face... perfect.
“who is this?” the man asks, his eyes never leaving jungkook, waiting for you to say something.
"who are you?" jungkook asks him, his protective instincts kicking in as he pulls you behind him.
the man frowns.
“geez guys, stop it!” you step forward, standing between them now. jungkook's eyes follow you, a little confused.
"jungkook, this is my.. older brother," you say, and jungkook's eyes widen in surprise. you turn to cal and continue. "and this is jungkook, my... well, you know—"
"oh, i know," cal interrupts, eyeing jungkook with a pointed look, his gaze scanning jungkook's shirtless body. jungkook fumbles awkwardly, trying to cover himself as he looks around for his shirt, only to realize you're wearing it.
oops, you think.
“nice to meet you, i am jeon jungkook,” jungkook introduces himself, his voice a little awkward as he bows slightly to your brother. he’s clearly trying to make a good impression, but the situation he's in right now is the worst.
your brother glances at you, and you subtly mouth, ‘be nice’ to him. cal rolls his eyes, clearly not amused, but he lets out a small sigh and turns back to jungkook, holding out his hand.
jungkook, not missing a beat, reaches out and shakes his hand firmly, though still trying to mask the awkwardness.
“i’m calvin.”
“is this how you live?” your brother muses, his eyes scanning the room as he settles onto the couch where you and jungkook had been cuddling just a moment ago, taking in the surroundings with a critical eye.
“mind your own business,” you reply as you set a glass of water on the table. cal grabs it, grinning at you as he takes a sip.
“i was gonna say it suits you,” cal remarks, casually taking a few gulps of the water before setting it down on the table.
“okay, mr. richie rich,” you say, raising an eyebrow, and cal smiles.
just then, jungkook comes out of your bedroom, now fully clothed, walking towards you and cal. cal’s eyes narrow slightly, his expression hard to read. you catch it, but before he can comment, you give your brother a little kick in the leg. cal scowls, not expecting it.
you move over to jungkook, and he instantly wraps an arm around you, and he feels a little more at ease. cal notices this shift in the air, a slight smirk tugging at his lips, but he doesn’t comment on it.
“why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” you ask your brother, sitting down next to jungkook on the other couch, trying to act casual.
“i did tell you,” cal points out, his tone unbothered.
��no, you didn’t—” you pause, thinking for a moment. “that was weeks ago!”
cal just shrugs, his face unapologetic. “i told you, didn’t i?”
you roll your eyes, clearly not impressed.
cal leans back on the couch. "oh yeah, mom and dad sent you some stuff," he says nonchalantly, as if it’s no big deal.
you furrow your brows, a little confused. "what stuff?" you ask, glancing between him and the suitcase he brought in with him.
"in the suitcase," cal replies, pointing at the bag. "you know, your old stuff. i also saw that plushie you always used to play with."
at the mention of the plushie, you feel something in your chest. you don’t even think twice before getting up and walking over to the suitcase. jungkook watches your every movement, curious.
you open it carefully, your hands trembling slightly as you sift through your old belongings. when your fingers brush against the familiar fabric of the plushie, you pull it out, immediately hugging it tightly to your chest.
cal watches, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. "yeah, that ugly fat guy," he comments, and you glare at him and he just laughs softly, immediately apologising.
you clutch the plushie closer, but as you look down at it, you notice a small tag attached to it, and you read the words on the tag aloud: “we realised that we can let go now.”
the realization hits you, and a wave of emotions rush over you.
mom and dad..
it makes your throat tighten and your eyes well up with tears. you blink rapidly, trying to keep them at bay, but it’s hard. you hug your totoro plushie tighter, a pout forming on your lips.
both jungkook and cal notice it. jungkook smiles softly, his eyes warm, while cal looks at you, his eyes softening.
for a moment, cal doesn’t say anything. he watches as you hug the plushie tightly, your fingers clutching it as though you’re afraid to let it go. despite the teasing earlier, he can’t help but see you as the same little sister who used to carry that plushie around everywhere.
he remembers the way you’d refuse to sleep without it, how you’d drag it around by one arm. you were always so stubborn. you were always insisting that it wasn’t just a toy, it was your “friend.” and now, seeing you holding it again, it’s as if time has rewound.
he can only see you as the same little girl, clutching your plushie like it’s your whole world, and it makes his heart ache a little— but in a good way.
“we’re proud of you, you know,” cal says suddenly, his voice breaking the silence.
you and jungkook both look at him, a little surprised.
“yes, we,” he repeats, his smile growing as he starts to list, “me, mom, dad, totoro, noisy boy-” he chuckles as he recalls some memories. “we’re all proud of you, little star.”
his words hit you hard. it breaks you, completely.
you bury your face in totoro, clutching the plushie tightly as the tears begin to fall freely. soft, shaky sobs escape your lips, and cal doesn’t hesitate. he stands and moves to kneel beside you on the floor, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. his hand strokes your arm gently, up and down, a comforting rhythm as you cry into his side.
“i missed you,” you manage to say through the tears, your voice muffled against his shoulder.
cal’s smile softens even more. “me too,” he whispers, his voice quiet but filled with warmth.
jungkook kneels down in front of you, his gaze filled with nothing but tenderness. cal looks at him, their eyes meeting for a moment, and with a small, approving smile, cal nods at him.
jungkook seems to understand immediately. he reaches out, gently pulling you into his arms. you let yourself be held, your sobs gradually quieting as he rubs soothing circles on your back.
cal watches the two of you, his chest tightening in a bittersweet way. he sees how jungkook wipes away your tears with careful hands, murmuring something about totoro that makes you chuckle softly through the emotions.
jungkook presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering for just a moment before he pulls back to look at you. his eyes full of love and reassurance, and it’s enough to make cal feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re in good hands.
and all cal can think as he watches the two of you is,
we can let go now.
note: one more chapter :(( i have so much to say about owiu i am gonna cry (already did writing the last part,, idk i am js really emo today)
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#jeon jungkook#jungkook x y/n#jungkook smut#jungkook fic#bts fanfic#jungkook smau#bts jungkook#jungkook x you#jeon jungkook x reader#smut#fluff#angst
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Beyond Boundaries • Oscar Piastri (PART FIVE)
Masterlist
Yes! You saw it correct! Time for chapter 5 already! <3 cant wait for chapter 6 already I tried something new this chapter & that was including some gifs in the chapter to make it a little more dynamic! It's just a little trial, so please let me know if you liked it or not, so that I know if I should include those more often :) So, just for the record, the chapter isn't finished after the gifs, it continues below the gif! :)
↳pairing: oscar piastri x female!reader (norris!reader) ↳word count: 4.2K ↳ parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, ↳chapter warnings: jealousy, first kiss, smut, 18+ content (mdni!), oral (male!receiving), fingering, emotional rollercoaster, brothers teammate trope, bestfriend!reader
↳series summary: Since Oscar joined McLaren as your brother’s teammate, you two have quickly become best friends. Recently promoted to be Oscar’s physiotherapist, you both relish the opportunity to spend more time together. However, as the new role brings you closer, Oscar finds himself grappling with unexpected feelings and rising tension, leaving him conflicted about how to handle his emotions
The rest of the holiday went by excruciatingly slow, the interactions between you and Oscar have been limited, you honestly were pretty much unable to look him in the eye, until you were pretty much forced by your job duties. Which meant you both had to put on a straight face and be act like the professional ones. The first time you spoke about what happened during your shared holiday, was the Wednesday before the Australian Grand Prix. You both had to attend the driver's meeting that was planned. His initial behavior towards you was distant and cold, something you completely understand. You had been avoiding him and he obviously noticed that.
Afterwards you had decided to take Oscar aside, asking him if he was okay with having a talk with you. It took you a few days to work up the courage to talk to him. You knew you shouldn't have avoided him for so long, he didn't deserve that treatment and you knew it. The talk with Oscar resulted in a big relief and a reparation of your friendship, a friendship with maybe potential for a little more.
*flashback to wednesday*
The two of you were sitting on the couch in Oscar's drivers' room, both looking at the floor. Talking about what happened during the holiday and how you both felt about it. You apologized to him about the way you handled everything and how you treated him. It was a good and relieving conversation, both glad that you made up. Because the both of you honestly couldn't stand this a day longer.
"I missed you" Oscar mumbled under his breath "I've felt annoyingly incomplete these past days"
You rested your head on his shoulder "I missed you too, Osc" you murmured back at him "I missed our jokes, our silly little facetime calls in the middle of the night, our movie night. I've missed my best friend"
Friendzone, that's what Oscar felt himself getting pushed back into. He rolled his eyes, puffing out a frustrated sigh "Don't you think you should stop calling me that?"
You looked at him confused "What? Why?"
Oscar raised an eyebrow at you, rolling his eyes "I think we both know we crossed that line the moment you gave me a handjob, don't you think?"
You chuckled at him, laughing it off a little "It wasn't just me! You pleasured me too, you know?"
Oscar threw his hands up defensively "Hey! You started it!" he joked back at you.
Another laugh left your lips "Sure, we went beyond boundaries, but that doesn't mean you can't still be my best friend?"
The Australian driver jokingly shot you a suggestive look "What if I don't want to be just your best friend?"
"Osc.." you uttered "We both know we shouldn't go down that road"
"I know, and I agree that it's for the best if we don't, but it doesn't change my feelings for you" he said, verbally admitting his feelings towards you for the first time "I can't change the fact that I'm in love with you"
You looked at him, softly placing a hand on his thigh, trying to comfort both yourself and him. You wanted to kiss him, but you can't, you shouldn't. It tore you apart, but it was for the best. You found yourself unable to reply to his words, too overwhelmed.
"Just be honest with me please, do you have feelings for me?" Oscar asked, placing his hand on top of yours.
You looked at him, his brown eyes meeting yours "Yes"
*back to present*
It was Sunday, which meant it was race day. The race took the least expected turn, which lead to Max not even finishing and Carlos securing another win. The whole ordeal resulting in your brother on the podium for a 3rd place and Oscar finished right behind him in 4th. To say that you were proud, would have been a massive understatement. Event though the boys themselves might be a little disappointed about not reaching the top step, you were over the moon. To celebrate Carlos' victory the drivers had decided to go to a well known nightclub in Melbourne.
You were currently trying to convince Oscar to join the lot of you, which seemed to be a lot more difficult than you would have liked "Come on Oscar! You gotta come!"
Charles piped in, leaning on your shoulder "Yes! Listen to y/n! It won't be as bad as you think!" Charles exclaimed "And! Not entirely unimportant, those nightclubs are full of hot women. You cant convince me that you wouldn't enjoy having a little fun with a gorgeous woman"
"I don't need a random girl twerking on me, thanks. I'm fine where I am" Oscar replied a little uncomfortable. Yes he definitely would enjoy having a little fun with a gorgeous woman; but only if that woman was you.
Charles looked at him and rolled his eyes "Don't be a party pooper, Piastri" he joked, putting his arm around your shoulder, sending Oscar a little puppy dog face "Do it for us?"
"Fine" he huffed, finally giving in
"Yayy!" you cheered, jumping into Oscar's arms, hugging him enthusiastically.
—————⋆₊⁺☾⋆the nightclub⋆☾⋆₊⁺—————
A few hours had passed since you all arrived at the nightclub, one that was pretty private and today only allowed entrance to the drivers, f1 staff and their invitees as well as a few other high established guests. So to speak, it was safe for the drivers to have a fun night out without the media getting involved.
You couldn't deny you might have had a few too many cocktails, completely unaware of just how drunk you were. Oscar stood at the bar, a beer in one hand and the other in his pocket, watching you intently. His gaze was locked on Carlos, who was dancing with you far too sensually for Oscar's liking.
The music thrummed through the room, a sultry beat promising temptation. You felt Carlos's steady hand on your waist as you moved together, the rhythm guiding your steps. His touch was warm and reassuring, but your eyes kept darting over his shoulder, seeking out Oscar.
Oscar stood on the opposite side of the room, his gaze fixed on you. He watched every sway of your hips, every flick of your hair, the intensity in his eyes palpable. You met his stare head-on, a smirk playing on your lips as you leaned closer to Carlos, your fingers trailing lightly down his arm.
You saw the muscle in Oscar's jaw tighten, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Carlos was getting on his nerves today. If he wasn't driving him off the track, he was stealing the girl of his dreams. Yes, Oscar knew he was exaggerating the problem, but with too much beer in his system, he was extra annoyed.
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Lando asked, following Oscar's gaze. "Oh, that's what's bothering you," he chuckled.
Oscar and Lando's friendship had fortunately returned to normal quickly after the whole ordeal. After his talk with you, Lando immediately went to Oscar, apologizing for the situation. They discussed many things, including Oscar's feelings for you, which Oscar found incredibly scary due to his previous reaction. Lando admitted he had been too overprotective and childish. He told Oscar he realized he would always be protective over his sister, but if she had to date someone, it might as well be someone he trusted more than anyone, pretty much giving him a green light.
Oscar downed the rest of his beer in one go, almost slamming the glass on the bar, and ordered two shots. "I need more alcohol," he huffed.
"Oscar, she's single and drunk, it doesn't mean anything to her. She probably just wanted to have a little fun and Carlos was at the right place at the right moment" Lando laughed, knowing his sister well. "And besides, I can guarantee you Carlos isn't interested in her that way. They just like to flirt sometimes."
"Yeah, everyone but me," Oscar huffed, handing Lando one of the shots he ordered.
Lando laughed again, rolling his eyes. "That's your own fault, you idiot. You're the one standing by the bar instead of on the dance floor."
"I can't dance," Oscar stated simply, trying not to say too much.
"Mate, if you dance with her, she'll probably take the lead anyway," Lando began, running a hand through his curls, looking back at his sister. "And you're blind as well, by the way."
Oscar gave the Brit a confused look before Lando immediately opened his mouth. "Oscar, it disgusts me to say this because she is my sister. But she's literally undressing you with her eyes. Eww." Lando pulled a disgusted face before continuing. "She's been looking at you pretty much every few seconds. I know my sister; she's one hundred percent trying to make you jealous, mate."
"Even if she is, what am I supposed to do about that?" Oscar scoffed, redirecting his gaze towards you to see if Lando was right. "She's the one who told me we shouldn't be together."
"She said you guys shouldn't date; she didn't say anything about being friends with benefits, did she?" Lando said, pulling yet another disgusted face. "It's honestly downright revolting to talk about my sister doing stuff like that, but someone had to tell you because I'm going insane from all your pining."
While the two boys stood there, Daniel joined them, putting his arm around Lando's shoulder. "Lando is right, you know."
"See! Even Danny agrees!" Lando exclaimed.
Daniel laughed at Lando's enthusiasm, glad to see he made up his mind. "You could always give her a taste of her own medicine. Go dance with my sister over there," he said, pointing at the brunette dancing with Pierre and Charles. "Just whisper in her ear that I sent you and that you need to make Y/N jealous, and I'm sure she'll play along."
"Daniel, how do you expect me to do that? I have the social skills of a peanut," Oscar replied.
The two boys laughed at Oscar, finding it incredibly funny how awkward he could be. "Just go! Go with the flow, come on, live a little!"
"Ugh, fine," Oscar huffed, a sigh of annoyance leaving his lips as he walked off towards the crowd of people on the dance floor.
Lando looked back at Daniel, giving him a smirk. "Mint."
"It's funny to see how quick you turned around. I'm proud of you, though," Daniel told Lando, still leaning his head on the younger one's shoulder.
"Would be a little hypocritical of me, now wouldn't it?" Lando replied, turning around in Daniel's arms, giving him a quick, sneaky peck on the cheek before pulling away quickly to make sure no one saw.
"Honestly surprised she hasn't figured it out yet. We've been a little too obvious, no?" Daniel asked.
Lando chuckled, taking a sip from his drink. "And that's exactly why she hasn't caught on to it yet. I'll tell her eventually, though."
Meanwhile Lando and Daniel were talking, Oscar was already on the dance floor, his arms around Michelle, Daniel's sister. He explained his plan to her, which she replied to with a roll of her eyes and a giggle, but gladly agreed to. It felt wrong, horribly wrong. The alcohol was making it a lot easier, kinda served as liquid courage.
"She's looking" Daniel's sister whispered in his ear, gliding her arms over his back.
As the music shifted to a slower, more sensual rhythm, he pulled her close, their bodies moving in perfect synchrony. He whispered something in her ear that made her laugh, her hand resting comfortably on his shoulder.
You felt a sharp pang of jealousy twist in your gut. Carlos must have sensed the change in your demeanor because he gave you a questioning look. But you were too focused on the scene unfolding before you to offer any explanation.
Oscar's hand was low on Michelle's back, guiding her movements with a practiced ease. She looked up at him through her lashes, a playful smile on her lips, and he responded with a grin of his own, his eyes flicking to you for the briefest of moments. It was a challenge, a direct provocation.
Determined not to let him see how much it affected you, you pressed closer to Carlos, your movements becoming more fluid and seductive. You laughed at something Carlos whispered, but the sound was hollow even to your own ears.
Across the room, Oscar spun Michelle, his hand lingering on hers a fraction longer than necessary. He dipped her, their faces inches apart, and your heart raced with a mixture of anger and something you didn't want to name. When he pulled her back up, their gazes locked, and the air between them seemed as though it crackled with unspoken tension.
But it was the look he shot you afterward, a look filled with defiance and raw emotion, that made your breath catch. The dance floor had become a battleground, each movement a strategic play in a game of jealousy and desire. And neither of you was willing to back down.
Carlos's hand slid up your arm, his touch gentle but firm, grounding you. "You okay?" he murmured, concern lacing his voice.
You forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, just... caught up in the moment."
But as you glanced back at Oscar, now laughing with Michelle as if nothing else mattered, you knew the truth. The moment was far from over, and the stakes had never been higher.
"You're trying to make him jealous, aren't you?" Carlos whispered in your ear, a smirk growing on his lips.
"Duh, obviously" you retorted, pulling the Spaniard even closer, your arms around his neck inching his face even closer to you.
"Well, I think it's working. He's coming over" he spoke in a low voice "Keep your eyes on me until he's here, cariño"
You tried your best not to look behind you, feeling the adrenaline surge through your body, nerves overwhelming you. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your arm, the familiar warmth of Oscar's fingers enclosing your upper arm, pulling you out of Carlos' grasp. You looked into his eyes, and before you could react, he cupped your cheek in his hand and smashed his lips to yours.
The kiss was fierce and urgent, a release of all the emotions both of you had been holding back. His lips moved against yours with a desperate intensity, and you matched his fervor, your hands flying to his shoulders, then tangling in his hair. You could taste the faint bitterness of beer on his tongue as it slipped into your mouth, and the sensation sent a shiver down your spine.
Oscar's other hand slid around your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you. Your bodies moved in sync, pressing against each other as if trying to meld together. You tugged at his hair, eliciting a low groan from him that you felt reverberate through your own chest.
The kiss grew messier, more frantic, fueled by the alcohol coursing through your veins. His hands roamed your back, gripping and kneading, while your fingers traced the line of his jaw, down to his neck, then back up to his hair. The world around you blurred into nothingness; there was only Oscar, his touch, his taste, his heat.
Eventually, the need for air forced you both to break apart, but only just. Your foreheads rested together, your breaths mingling in the small space between you. His eyes were still closed, his lips slightly parted, and you could feel his heartbeat echoing the wild rhythm of your own.
Oscar's voice was a rough whisper as he spoke, "I've wanted to do that for so long."
You nodded slightly, your fingers still tangled in his hair. "Me too."
For a moment, neither of you moved, savoring the closeness, the shared warmth, the unspoken promise hanging in the air. The nightclub continued to pulse around you, but in that moment, it felt like you were the only two people in the world.
Oscar pressed his lips to yours again, more a short brush of your lips this time "Come back to the hotel with me? No strings attached" he proposed, his voice a little husky.
That's how you both ended up in the elevator, on its way to the floor where both of your hotel rooms were located. Oscar had pinned you against the elevator wall, his lips feverishly peppering your neck with kisses, unable to hold back. His hands roamed from your back to your stomach, slipping under your top to grab your hips, his thumbs pressing into your hipbones.
"I need you so bad, love," he murmured against your skin, his breath hot and ragged.
"Fuck, Osc— I-I need you too," you moaned out, your fingers threading through his hair, tugging him closer.
His mouth moved up to capture your lips in a searing kiss, tongues tangling with a desperation that made your head spin. You could taste the remnants of alcohol on his tongue, mixed with the raw desire that fueled both of you. Your hands explored his body, fingers slipping under his shirt to feel the hard muscles of his back, the heat of his skin.
Oscar's grip tightened on your hips, pulling you flush against him. The elevator hummed around you, but all you could focus on was the sensation of his hands, his mouth, his body pressing into yours. He trailed kisses along your jawline, nipping at your earlobe before returning to your lips with renewed hunger.
You arched into him, your back pressing harder against the cool metal wall of the elevator. The contrast between the cold surface and Oscar's fiery touch sent shivers down your spine. His hands slid up, pushing your top higher, his fingers splaying over your ribs as if trying to memorize every inch of your skin.
"Oscar," you breathed, your voice a mix of urgency and need.
He responded with a low growl, capturing your lips once more in a kiss that stole your breath away. One hand cupped your face, his thumb brushing your cheek as his other hand gripped your waist, anchoring you to him. The elevator dinged, signaling your arrival at the desired floor, but neither of you moved, lost in the moment.
Reluctantly, Oscar broke the kiss, his forehead resting against yours, both of you breathing heavily. His eyes burned with desire as they locked onto yours. "You okay with my hotel room?" he asked in a whisper, his voice husky with promise
You nodded, unable to form coherent words, your mind still reeling from the intensity of the kiss. Hand in hand, you stumbled out of the elevator, anticipation thrumming through your veins as you made your way to Oscar's room, ready to lose yourselves in each other.
Oscar reached inside of his pockets to grab his keycard, fumbling with it to open the door. When he finally managed to open it, he pulled you inside with him. As soon as the door clicked shut behind you, Oscar pinned you against the wall, his body pressing into yours. His breath was hot against your ear as he murmured huskily, "I can't wait any longer."
His lips found yours in a heated kiss, his hands roaming your body with a desperate need. One hand slid up under your top, his fingers tracing the curve of your waist, while the other moved lower, slipping under your skirt. You gasped as his fingers brushed against your inner thigh, teasingly close to where you ached for him.
"Oscar," you breathed, your voice trembling with anticipation.
He pulled back slightly, his eyes dark with desire. "You have no idea how much I want you," he whispered seductively, his lips grazing your jawline.
His fingers found their way to your core, slipping beneath the fabric of your panties. You moaned softly as he began to caress you, his touch both gentle and insistent. His other hand cupped your cheek, tilting your head so he could claim your lips once more.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured against your lips, his voice thick with emotion. "I need to make you feel good."
You could only respond with a whimper, your hands clutching at his shoulders as his fingers moved with expert precision. He circled your sensitive nub, then slipped a finger inside you, his thumb still working on your clit. The dual sensations had you arching into him, your breath coming in ragged gasps.
"That's it, love," he purred, his lips now trailing down your neck. "Let go for me."
He added another finger, curling them just right, and your world narrowed down to the feel of his touch and the sound of his voice. His whispered sweet nothings in your ear, telling you how beautiful you were, how much he needed you, how he wanted to watch you come undone.
Your body responded to his every word, the tension building inside you until it was almost unbearable. "Oscar," you gasped, your nails digging into his back.
"I've got you," he breathed softly, his fingers moving faster, his thumb pressing more firmly. "Come for me, love."
With a cry, you shattered around him, your body trembling as waves of pleasure coursed through you. He held you through it, his fingers still working you gently, drawing out every last bit of your orgasm.
When you finally came down, your forehead rested against his, both of you breathing heavily. He withdrew his hand, bringing it up to cradle your face as he kissed you tenderly, his touch now soft and soothing.
"You're amazing," he whispered, his voice filled with love and awe.
You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you that had nothing to do with the physical pleasure. "So are you," you replied breathlessly, your fingers tracing his jawline "I need you to fuck me, Osc"
He pulled you into a gentle embrace, his lips pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "I don't want to remember my first time with you as a drunk encounter against my hotel room door." he admitted, honesty evident in his voice.
"At least let me make you feel good then" you smiled at him, feeling a sudden boost of confidence taking you over as you flipped the two of you around, Oscar now being the one pinned to the wall. You send him a lustful look and sank to your knees, looking up at him with (not so) innocent eyes.
Oscar let his head fall back against the wall, letting out a soft groan as he felt your hands explore his thighs. His hands moving to your hair, tangling his fingers in it. You fingers were moving extremely slowly, fully on purpose, trying to make the young Australian go insane. You carefully unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling it down his thighs. You used your teeth to pull his boxers down, causing Oscar to let out an almost embarrassing whine "Fucking tease" he uttered, his voice nothing but a rough whisper.
You lips traveled from his abdomen to his thighs and back, placing soft kisses everywhere, except for where he needed your lips the most. The sensation was electric as your lips met Oscar's skin, biting, sucking, and leaving a trail of marks in their wake.
Oscar tugged at your hair and moaned out loud as you finally closed your lips around the head of his cock, sucking softly. Your mouth felt even better than it did in his fantasies, Oscar felt like he was in heaven. He didn't want to feel like a teenager and cum too quickly, but the alcohol in his system and the way you worked your magic on him, caused the knot in his stomach to tighten quickly. Adrenaline and heat moving through his body, taking a tighter grip on your hair "Fuck, y/n"
You licked and sucked, causing Oscar's breath to get caught in his throat. Tongue dancing over the sensitive flesh, coaxing a gasp from Oscar. Each movement sent waves of extreme pleasure coursing through his body, moans only growing louder every second. Unable to hold back the sound escaping his lips.
You then took his whole length in your mouth, your nose almost touching his abs, before releasing most of his member, except for the tip. You looked up at him through your lashes as you twirled your tongue against the underside of his cock "F-Fuck... wait" Oscar uttered, stumbling on his words, his breath coming out in ragged puffs.
You pulled off him for a little while and looked at him, a little concerned "What's wrong?" you asked softly
"F-Fuck, I'll come if you do that again"
A smirk formed on your lips, Oscar's dick disappears back between your lips. You bob your head up and down again, the rhythm pretty much perfect for Oscar. Another satisfied moan escapes his lips, right before you repeat your previous action, immediately feeling his himself get closer to the edge. He tried to pull you off his cock, but you refused, only sucking him harder, your eyes meeting his again.
Oscar feels his orgasm washing over him in a way he has never experienced before, emptying himself in your mouth. You swallowed it all, before slowly pulling away, before you slowly rose from your knees, wiping your lips with the back of you hand. Your lips were puffy and red, your hair a mess. The sight of it almost enough to make Oscar get hard all over again.
—————⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺—————
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Taglist @aceyalonso @saachiep81 @landosgirlxoxo @andruuu28
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#smut#f1 imagine#formula 1#friends to lovers#fluff#formula 1 smut#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#mclaren#mclaren f1#formula one#angst#jealousy#tension#pining#first kiss
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⋆⁺₊❅ STAYMAS 2K24 ⋆⁺₊❅
˖⋆ ˚❆ Pairing - Reader x Stray Kids
˖⋆ ˚❆ Plot - A collection of holiday-themed short stories, each centered around a different member, with a special OT8 story as the grand finale!
˖⋆ ˚❆ Genre - Romance, Comedy, Fluff, Angst, Supernatural, Crackhead energy!
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˖⋆ ˚❆ SKZ Masterlist
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
𐙚 ̊A ' Chris ' Mas Mayhem 𐙚 ̊
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𐙚 ̊Genre - Angst, Hurt, Healing, Comedy, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
꥟˚。Love Unexpected ꥟˚。
꥟˚。Pairing - Lee Know × Fem Reader
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꥟˚。Genre - Hurt, Trauma, Healing, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
⋆⁺❅ A Second Chance ⋆⁺❅
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⋆⁺❅Genre - Angst, Hurt, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
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☃︎♡Genre - Comedy, Crackhead energy, fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
*ੈ✩ Sorry Bestie, I love you *ੈ✩
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*ੈ✩Plot - After being stood up for the fifth time this year, you’ve had enough of serial date ghosting. Just as you’re about to leave, your best friend Han,whom you vented to,texts back, saying to wait because he’s coming to meet you. But Han left for another city eight years ago, and when he shows up, you’re shocked to see your quirky best friend has turned into someone undeniably hot
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⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
。𖦹° Brownie Battle 。𖦹°
。𖦹°Pairing - Felix x Fem Reader
。𖦹°Plot - Felix is running late, leaving the kids quietly waiting for their dad. Deciding to take matters into your own hands, you attempt to bake brownies before he arrives, despite knowing nothing about baking. Chaos ensues as you quickly realize this might not go as planned.
。𖦹°Genre - Comedy, Hurt, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
࣪ ִֶָ☾. A Knight In Christmas Armor ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
࣪ ִֶָ☾.Pairing - Seungmin x Fem Reader
࣪ ִֶָ☾.Plot - When your aunt leaves for a Christmas trip, she gives you the keys to her house and cats to look after, and you eagerly accept. However, strange and creepy things start happening, culminating in eerie voices echoing through a chilly night. After a scream sends your annoying ex-best friend, Seungmin, to your door, you find yourselves trapped inside with the cats and mysterious voices, as the faulty door won’t lock or open properly.
࣪ ִֶָ☾.Genre - Supernatural, Action, Angst, Comedy, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
𓍢ִ໋❀ Love To Hate You 𓍢ִ໋❀
𓍢ִ໋❀Pairing - Jeongin x Fem Reader
𓍢ִ໋❀Plot - YN and Jeongin are always bickering over the smallest things, but they’re suddenly forced to team up to host the annual Christmas party. As the preparations spiral into chaos and comedy, sparks fly between the two. What starts as a stressful partnership might just turn into the start of a holiday romance.
𓍢ִ໋❀Genre - Angst, Comedy, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
˙⋆✮ A Home Away From Home ✮⋆˙
˙⋆✮Pairing - Reader x Stray Kids
˙⋆✮Plot - YN has been managing Stray Kids for the past four years and has been unable to visit her family due to their upcoming comeback. With no holiday break in sight, the boys decide to take matters into their own hands. They plan to make YN's Christmas unforgettable, showing their appreciation in a heartfelt way.
˙⋆✮Genre - Angst, Hurt, Comedy, Fluff
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
˖⋆˚❆ Tags - @atinyniki @writingforstraykids @yangbbokari @theo4eve @livelovelaughmiko @silverstarburst @galaxycatdrawz @skzoologist @shua-f4lmings @iknowyouknowminho @krisstheidiot @hyunjinhoexxx @gho-ster @ezlynkisses @elmoslungcancer @b1nn1e-1s-cut3 @seungseung-minmin @cuddlylonelyperson @jeonginsleftcheek
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
Comment your @ If you wish to be added or removed from this list ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
˖⋆ ❆ Endnote - Everything Here is a work of fiction and my own imagination. This does not represent the real life characteristics of Stray Kids. Make sure to like, reblog comment, and follow me for new updates!
⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂☃︎꙳⋆❅*𖢔𐂂
#stray kids#staymas#stray kids masterlist#stray kids imagines#stray kids au#skz fic#skz stay#Bang chan#bang chan fluff#lee know#lee know fluff#changbin#changbin angst#changbin fluff#hyunjin#hyunjin fluff#han jisung#han fluff#felix#felix fluff#seungmin#seungmin imagines#i.n#jeongin fluff#stray kids × reader#skz smau#skz series#skz imagines#yn × stray kids#fypシ
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✨Dark Shades of Innocence Lost Part 6: Keep Me From Falling✨
Club Owner! Joel Miller x fem! reader
Series Masterlist
A/N: I have been writing this one on and off for a little over a month, and it was a lot! Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster and please pay attention to those tags. This one gets dark. Thank you to @lotusbxtch for being the best beta and making this chapter shine! 🥰 I would like as much feedback on this chapter, so don’t be afraid to reblog or comment because your comments are what sparks my writing 🩷
Chapter Summary: After fighting your feelings for weeks, you decide to go back to the club. Back to those dark shades of red where brown eyes pull you under and feelings become much more than you bargained for.
Word Count: 14.1k
Rating: Explicit 18+ only MDNI
Chapter Tags: A lot of angst, jealousy, so many feelings, yearning, anxiety, toxic ex, flashbacks of physical abuse and trauma, soft Joel, protective Joel, no use y/n, a lot of tears, fist fight, I don’t want to put any spoilers so I will omit some of the tags, switching POVs
Dividers by @saradika-graphics
The flashing red lights outside Club Inferno shine bright against the glow of the full moon. A brisk breeze cuts through the humid air, blowing through your long waves and kissing your bare shoulders. It sinks underneath the dark blue summer dress that clings to your figure. Your body hums with nerves, with need. You want Joel.
Joel, Joel, Joel.
He’s all you think about, he’s all you want to think about. Even at work, when you should be focusing on organizing bookshelves and paperwork, your mind always goes to him.
Sure, maybe at first you didn’t want a relationship, didn’t want to blur the lines. But you liked him, you really liked him. And you’re not sure when that line got crossed, but you were ready. Ready to take it to the next level. Needed to. You needed more. More of him.
So, now was your chance to make that happen, to tell him exactly what you wanted from him. A relationship. It was what you always wanted. You were just so scared to let your walls down again, but for him you would. For Joel you’d do just about anything.
If you didn’t… well, you’ve already lost him once. You’re not sure if you can lose him again.
When you reach the glossy black doors and step through after getting your ID checked, you see the club is buzzing with crowds of people tonight. The music is loud and blaring, even upstairs is jam-packed with bodies. But you only came here for one thing tonight: Joel Miller.
You stop at the corner of the bar, brushing your hand against the sleek bar top and run your hand against the cool material. Scanning the crowd, you look for the handsome man that stands out amongst the rest. The man with the dark brown eyes that makes every single nerve ending vibrate inside you every time you set your eyes on him. That smoldering, captivating, charming man that sets your heart on fire.
A couple of girls in skimpy dresses get up from their bar stools and leave you room to see the rest of the crowd at the bar. Fresh faces of men and women you haven’t seen here before cross your sight until you get to the very end of the bar. Your heart gets stuck in your throat when you see it.
Right there at the very end of the bar top sits Joel, all muscle in a button-up crimson flannel with the top three buttons undone to expose his broad chest, dark hair peeking out of the open shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, accentuating the defined veins that wrap around his forearms, and the black watch clasped on his left wrist just sets it off even more. But what paralyzes you is the fact that he’s sitting at the bar with another woman. Someone who isn’t you.
Her big, blonde curls fall around her pink blush-filled cheeks, and her tight red dress exposes large breasts that spill from the top of the low cut design. Red lips purse and laugh as she beams at Joel every time she brushes her hand against his fist that’s clenched around an amber glass of whiskey.
Two weeks without him and he’s already wrapped around another woman’s finger. Go fucking figure. You told him it was all just for fun, but it never really was that to you, was it?
Your blood runs cold and you feel as if you just got hit with a metal bat against the back of the head. You tightly dig your manicured nails into the bar top. It feels as if a sharp knife slices deep into your back, slowly carving against your spine as it splits you in half.
Another light touch to his hand as she leans over to whisper in his ear sets your nerves on fire. You watch him laugh; that crooked smile that makes you dizzy every time you look at it now eats away at your insides. You can’t watch this. You can’t fucking do this tonight. He was supposed to be yours, but you’re too late…
You feel a hot prick against the back of your eyes as your vision blurs, fiery tears bleeding into your eyeliner as you back up, your hand still clutching the bar top. You don’t watch where you’re going, and an entire glass of some kind of alcohol slides off the bar top and onto the floor, shattering and sloshing liquid as it splashes against your black high heels.
The crowd around the bar goes silent as they all turn to face you, but what stuns you into place is when Joel looks up and sees you standing there looking like a lost puppy. Your bottom lip quivers as you blink back tears, staring between him and the blonde girl that can’t keep her fucking hands off him.
His eyes grow wide as he looks at you stunned, immediately standing up from his bar stool as he pushes back the woman’s hand that reaches for him once again. His broad shoulders roll back as his full attention is on you, and then he’s moving fast, calling your name over the loud music as his voice gets washed out by the blaring noise.
You turn and push through the crowd, clawing your way blindly to a safe space where maybe you can breathe air that isn’t polluted again. You feel nailed to the wooden floor, chains ripping into your ankles as you force your legs to keep going. Joel calls your name, but you don’t stop to turn back around. You’ll break down in tears if you stop now. So you keep going, dragging your heavy feet until you reach the double doors and barrel your way outside.
The night air stills around you as the full moon shines bright behind fluffy clouds. The quiet parking lot is filled with parked cars, but everyone is inside. Not a soul stands outside besides you. That is, until Joel comes crashing through the double doors and calls your name again loudly.
“Hey, stop!” Joel yells out of breath as you hear his boots scuff across the pavement. “Didn’t you hear me callin’ your name?”
You turn around, crossing your arms over your chest and putting on a brave face, not letting him see the tears that scorch behind your sad eyes. “Guess not,” you mumble as you look down at the dusty cement.
“Hey, will you jus’ stop?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows as the lines on his forehead scrunch together intently. You shake your head and don’t answer, but he doesn’t like that at all. “Angel, talk to me.”
“Don’t call me angel,” you mumble as you retreat a step back from his advances.
He takes a step forward and reaches out an arm to try to catch you. When he curls his calloused fingers over your wrist, you pull it out of his grip and shake him off. “Don’t,” you warn sharply as you turn your head the other direction.
You hear Joel huff out in frustration as he fights to compose himself. “It was that girl, wasn’t it? Is that what you’re so worked up about, huh?”
You bite your lower lip to keep from screaming and whirl back to him as you fight with yourself not to lose control. You purse your lips and then spill yourself to him. “Oh, I don’t know, Joel. Maybe you should go back to your little date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” he expresses as his jaw clenches up, “it was jus’ a drink. She came up to me first, and all I did was offer to buy her a drink. She’s an old client of mine, nothing more.”
“An old client, huh?” you scoff and feel your cheeks burn hot.
“Yeah. Tommy and I did a job at her company’s site.”
“I’m sure you did.” You roll your eyes and scrape your heel against the concrete.
“Angel, I didn’t ask her here tonight. She jus’ showed up unannounced. What you saw was nothing.”
“Oh, yeah? Then why was she all over you? Did you buy her a drink so you could sleep with her just like you did with me?!” Your voice comes out louder than you wanted it to, but you’re so worked up that you can’t control your flaring nostrils and watery eyes. You can practically taste the stench of regret in your throat. You should’ve never come here, should’ve never messed with a man like him. Tall, dominant, charming, and so goddamn handsome. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?
“Whoa, easy there, darlin’. I wasn’t gonna sleep with her,” he says carefully as his voice stays even. Almost gentle enough to calm you down a bit, but even that makes you more uneasy.
“No? It sure looked like you were enjoying yourself, and she seemed to be all over you,” you spit out venomously, kicking the end of your heel into the hard cement.
“Why are you actin’ like this?” he asks, exasperated, his eyebrows knitting together into a hard line.
“Acting like what?” You seethe as you entwine your fingers tightly together, desperately trying to anchor yourself.
“Actin’ jealous! All I did was buy her a drink. If I would’ve known you were comin’ I wouldn’t have even…”
“Wouldn’t have what? Offered to eat her out on your fucking pool table!” you screech.
“Jus’ stop!” he growls, making your eyes go wide and your heart hammer impossibly fast in your chest. “Is there somethin’ you want to say?” he asks as his jaw ticks and arches an eyebrow, his dark eyes meeting your gaze.
Your voice is suddenly as small as a mouse as you reply, “Say something? No, I…”
“You’re the one who said you didn’t want more. Remember? I asked you, was willing to give you more. I wanted to give you more. All you had to do was say the words, angel. That’s all you had to do.”
He stands there staring at you, eyes locked with yours as you dig your long nails deep into the fabric of your dress, nervous sweat pooling at the edges of your soft curls as you bite your tongue in agony.
All you had to do was say the words. Why couldn’t you say those fucking words back in that little diner? What was so goddamn hard about that? You wanted him. You fucking wanted him. So badly that it actually felt like your heart was shattering in your chest.
“But you… after that night at the diner, you gave me the cold shoulder,” you finally reply. “You practically iced me out, didn’t ask me to come back to the club, couldn’t text me back, didn’t even…”
“I was givin’ you space,” Joel interrupts. “I didn’t think… fuck. I didn’t think you wanted to come back!” He rakes a hand slowly through his silver threaded scruff and sighs, cursing under his breath as he stares at you with pure turmoil in his hazy eyes.
“But I did want to come back! Isn’t that what I showed up for tonight? To see you?” you ask, appalled, eyes red with tears pooling across your glassy irises.
“I don’t know, angel, why don’t you tell me!” His voice sounds so angry, so gravelly, so very hurt. And you see it in the flared nostrils and wide eyes. He’s just asking questions which you should’ve answered a long time ago.
“I didn’t… I didn’t want space. I never did…” Your eyes gloss over, and your bottom lip quivers as you fight to keep yourself in one piece. You want to say something, anything to make this stop, but your words run dry as he stares at you carefully.
He looks at you fiercely another moment as he licks his bottom lip in frustration. “Tell me somethin’, will ya? What is it that you want from me?”
The question comes out almost like a snake just bit your ankle. Alarming, unexpected. “I… uh…” You can’t even formulate a coherent sentence as the words rush through your head. I was willing to give you more. I wanted to give you more. But they remain stuck in your throat, unable to escape.
He takes two steps forward, adjusting the rolled up sleeves of his red flannel. “What. Do. You. Want?”
The question taunts you, words building as you try to unjumble them. You can’t think straight, not when his mahogany cologne is burning your nostrils, not when his dark chocolate eyes are honing into yours, not when he’s so close that you want to drop all pretense and jump into his strong arms. But you can’t. It’s not that simple.
This is all getting too complicated, and you don’t know how much further you can go without putting yourself into a vulnerable position. You already are in a vulnerable position, so why can’t you just say exactly how you feel?
After your silence, Joel rakes a hand through his dark, greying scruff and sighs again. “Goddamn it, angel. Jus’ tell me what you want.”
“I… I….” You fidget and keep your eyes locked on his in a panic.
For fuck’s sake just tell him what you want!
Joel pinches the bridge of his nose as he huffs in defeat. When he looks back up at you, he takes a long, slow breath and nods his head. “I can see this isn’t easy for you. But darlin’, if you don’t tell me what you want then I can’t give you that. Now, do you want me to go walk back into my club and go back to that girl, or…?”
“No!” you plead as you reach your arm out and grab his wrist, holding it like it’s the only thing that’ll save you from falling to your death. Joel looks down at your hand gripping his tanned skin and looks back up with a mix of grief and hope in his eyes.
“No?” he asks with eyebrows raised in question. “So, tell me. What is it that you want? Is it me you want? Do you want more, need more? Because I can give that to you, angel. I can give you so much more… if you’ll jus’ let me.”
“You… you left me alone on the curb after I tried asking you about the guitar lesson…” you stammer out.
He sighs and runs a hand swiftly through his hair, blowing out a long breath as he finds the words he wants to say. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I jus’... I was confused and angry and hurt because I thought… I didn’t think you wanted to be with me, and I really fuckin’ liked you.” He stops to correct himself. “Well, like you. And I apologize for jus’ icin’ you out. You didn’t deserve that. You never deserved that. I was jus’ sorta hopin’ we could be more, ya know…”
His words leave you standing with your jaw dropped and eyes wide. “I thought… I thought I could be more than jus’ someone you hooked up with,'' Joel continues. “I wanted… I wanted to give you the world...”
Jesus. He’s just as wrecked as you are. Holy shit.
Your hand drops from his wrist as you fidget with the hem of your dress, nerves rushing through you like a raging river. He reaches his long arm out and glides calloused fingers gently down your jawline, pushing a curl behind your ear. And it feels so good. So good that you just want to melt inside his warm touch.
Say it. Say it right fucking now before you ruin everything all over again.
“I want… I want… y—”
Your sentence is interrupted by the loud slamming of the front door of the club and then the pounding of feet on the pavement as you hear keys jangling from jeans and mumbling of gibberish you can’t understand. You jump out of Joel’s reach from the fright and compose yourself to act normal in front of a stranger coming out of the club.
When you look up to see who so rudely interrupted your confession, your eyes go wide and the breath gets knocked from your chest as you take in exactly who stalks toward you.
Jason. Your ex. Holy shit…
He says your name in surprise, calling out to you as you freeze up in place. This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking real. Your stomach drops at the sight of his large figure, and your mouth drops open in shock.
“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in,” he smirks as his murky green eyes stare coldly back at you. “Hi there, babydoll. Remember me?”
You blink once, twice, but he doesn’t disappear. This isn’t a dream. He fucking found you.
“J… Jason?” Your eyes go as wide as an owl’s, your palms sweating as you take in his figure. Tall, tattoos covering his entire right arm, muddy green eyes that could kill, blonde shaggy hair that falls to his neckline, strong muscles that could snap a man in half, a gold chain glinting around his neck, and worn hands that could tear into your flesh.
“Miss me?” he smirks as you see nothing but coldness in his swampy eyes.
“I thought you were in jail…” you say quietly, just loud enough for him to hear as he moves toward you slowly, his strides wide and terrifying as he scuffs clean sneakers against the cool pavement.
“They let me out on good behavior,” he laughs as he shakes his head, pieces of blonde falling into his eyes as he pushes them away. “Didn’t know I’d run into you here. But I’m sooooo glad I did,” he chuckles, stepping closer.
Joel stands and watches the two of you, a conflicting look filling his face as his eyebrows furrow together in concentration. He looks so confused, which he should be. You didn’t tell him about Jason, never even planned to. You thought all memories of Jason were gone as you worked so hard to forget, but now they’re back with a vengeance, and you start to remember everything.
“You… you’re not supposed to be here,” you gulp nervously as you take a hesitant step back, but he keeps stalking towards you. Getting closer and closer until he’s only a couple steps in front of you.
“Baby, I can be anywhere I want to be,” he croons sickeningly. “And looks like I picked a good night to come out to the club.” You can smell the alcohol falling off his chapped lips, can see how drunk he is already with the way he sways and slurs. This isn’t good, none of this is good.
You take one more step back, but he grabs your wrist hard and holds out your left arm as he drags a predatory finger over the faded scar that sits on the inside of your wrist. “I see this hasn’t gone away. A keepsake to remember me by, huh?” he teases as he yanks you closer to him.
“Let go,” you demand with a desperate plea in your voice as you try to shove away from him, but he only jabs his nail beds into your wrist as you wince in pain. “I said let go,” you whine as hate fills his cloudy eyes.
“No, I don’t think so,” he chuckles, holding you in place.
“Get the fuck off her,” Joel growls as he pushes Jason away with barely any effort. Jason almost falls off the edge of the curb.
Joel looks at you with concern laced in his gentle brown eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks as he looks at the way you hold the inside of your wrist. The faded scar comes into his view and Joel stares at it, his jaw clenching as realization caves in. “Did he… did he do that to you?”
You don’t answer, but the way your eyes start to water tells him everything he needs to know.
His eyes turn from concerned to full-on burning, rage taking over as he flexes his fingers into a tight fist and ticks his jaw up. He’s not just mad, no. He’s furious. Something inside you clenches up as you see how wrecked he looks; he looks like he wants to eat Jason alive.
“Hey, fucker! Step away from her. She’s mine,” Jason warns as he shoves Joel hard in the shoulder as Joel stumbles back a few steps.
Joel snarls at Jason, and you swear you’ve never seen him look this feral before. They’re going to fight. Oh, god. No. This isn’t what you wanted. They can’t just…
“She ain’t your girl, asshole.” Joel snaps. “Now get the fuck out of here.”
Jason doesn’t listen; he just hounds Joel and pushes him hard against the brick wall as he runs over and grabs the collar of Joel’s crimson flannel. “The fuck she is!” Jason yells aggressively. “Who the fuck are you to tell me she’s not, hmm? Have you been messing around with her? Yeah you have, I can practically smell you on her.” Jason slams Joel’s head against the hard bricks.
No, no, no, not Joel!
“Jason, stop!” you scream as you run over and try to intercept.
“You have no right bein’ here on my property, putting your hands on me or her. So, I’m gonna tell you one more time. Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops,” Joel snarls as he grabs the front of Jason’s shirt and pushes him hard out of his grasp.
Jason’s jaw clenches, and his eyes grow impatient. “NO.” The next thing you know, Jason is throwing his fist in the air, and it comes down like lightning against Joel’s jaw. Your eyes grow wide as you hear just how hard the punch hits him, and you’re gasping in horror as you watch, stunned in silence.
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.
Joel takes a few seconds to recover, then he’s moving fast as he shoves Jason against the rough bricks and throws a punch to his nose. You hear the snapping sound of broken bones, but Jason just keeps going.
Jason grabs a hold of Joel’s collar and throws him hard while another punch lands against his face. You can’t stand it, can’t watch them beat each other to death. You don’t want any part of this. You just want all the loud, violent sounds to stop. You have to do something.
Before Jason throws another punch in Joel’s direction, you step between them and try to push Jason away. “Jason, I said stop!”
Before you know what happens next, Jason slaps you so hard across the cheek that it nearly makes you see stars. He pushes you roughly and watches you lose your balance on the concrete. Cupping your cheek, you fall to the ground with a thud as it all comes back to you in a flash. You hear Joel scream your name in the distance and see him throwing Jason to the ground out of the corner of your eye, but you’re barely even there anymore.
Your vision goes spotty, and all you can hear is the white noise as your ears start to ring insufferably loud. Your palms burn as you dig your fingers into the cold concrete, feeling smaller and more invisible than you’ve ever felt in your life as your heart rate kicks up as the adrenaline rushes out. Your scar aches, your eyes shutting as you remember everything that happened all those years ago. You remember, you remember it all.
You remember how drunk Jason got that dark, rainy evening. You remember him cussing you out as you fixed dinner for him, remember him demanding you to bring him another bottle of beer, remember him chewing you out because you didn’t twist the lid open for him, remember him throwing the glass dinner plate across the room as sharp glass littered the soft carpet.
And that’s when he snapped.
He shattered the glass bottle against the edge of the coffee table as broken glass and alcohol spilled everywhere on the cream carpet. You remember him pushing you down into the shards, the sharp edges cutting into your skin; remember him hovering over you as he dug a piece deep into your wrist and called you a filthy whore, dragging the glass deeper into your skin. Remember all the blood that was spilling out, staining the carpet crimson as he made you look him dead in the eyes and threatened to do worse to you. You remember the police barging into the small apartment as they body-slammed him to the ground and cuffed his hands behind his back. You remember the ambulance taking you away. You remember how close you were to dying, how you almost didn’t make it out alive, how you woke up shaking and scared in the hospital bed, afraid he’d come back to finish you off. You remember it all, you remember everything.
Your cheek burns hot as you cup it with your palm, feeling the scrapes on your hand bleed into the pain as wet tears spill down your face. It’s like it’s happening all over again. The pain, the screaming, the drunk mess of a man, the accusations, the absolute sheer terror you feel seeping through your thin bones. You feel so fragile, so torn, and you feel as if you're slipping through the concrete cracks, dying a little inside.
The faint noise of thrown punches and bodies slamming to the ground reaches your ears again, but you don’t have the strength to look up. You can only sit still, fade away with the noise, try to piece yourself back together when you know you can’t. It’s too much. It’s too fucking much.
All of a sudden, the front doors of the club slam open, and you hear that familiar warm drawl. “That’s enough, Joel. You got him good,” Tommy says firmly.
You hear the faint grunts of Joel sending punches right and left to Jason who lies on the ground just taking the hits, too drunk now to even comprehend what’s happening. You wince at the noises, the punches reverberating through your body just like you were lying on that floor passed out cold, only the echoes of policemen and the ER workers picking your lifeless body up off the glass covered floor.
“Hey, I said enough,” Tommy repeats. You hear the throws of punches die out into silence, only hearing quiet shuffling that echoes in your ringing ears.
Suddenly, you feel someone’s hands on your shoulders, shaking you to get up. You shy away, screaming no, but then the hands are back on you. They’re warm, welcoming, comforting. A ray of sunshine you need to pick you up off the ground because you don’t have the strength to do it yourself.
“Hey, look at me,” he says adamantly, but you pull out of his enticing grip that begs for you to hold on to him.
“No,” you say sternly as you fall back on your palms and wince in pain. You’re so cold, so weak, so broken. How did you ever pick yourself up off the ground that first time?
Joel reaches for you again, and this time it’s more careful, delicate. “Hey, hey, sweetheart. It’s me, it’s Joel. ‘S okay now. ‘S okay.” This time you let him help you off the cold ground, turning you around to face him as you sit on your bruised knees, staring down at the hollow ground.
“Hey, can you look up for me?” he asks quietly as you shake your head no and keep your eyes glued to the ground. You can’t do it, you’ll surely break if you see even the tiniest scratch on his face.
“Baby, look in my eyes. Please, jus’ look at me. C’mon, sweetheart,” he coos as he cups your chin and lifts your head.
Your breathing is erratic, your pulse quickening as you try to focus on him and him alone. You lock eyes with him, seeing those concerned flecks of dark brown swirl in your vision as he breathes out and sighs. “There ya go, nice and slow. Jus’ breathe for me.”
Your eyes go wide as you see the deep red and purple bruises covering his strong left cheekbone, a tinge of crimson blood covering his knuckles he used it to avenge your honor. He got hurt. He’s hurt because of you.
“Joel, you… you’re hurt,” you stutter out as you place a hand gently over his bruises as he winces back in pain.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry ‘bout me, sweetheart. You’re the one I’m worried ‘bout. Are you… okay?” he asks cautiously as he traces his calloused thumb over your jawline. You pick apart the question, going over the events that had just happened in the span of ten minutes. You weren’t okay, you were far from okay.
“I… I’m…” Your mumbling stops as you hear Jason yelling and stirring up trouble as he rambles on about how he’ll be back. You catch him saying “slut” and calling you and Joel vulgar names as security calls the cops.
“Sweetheart, say somethin’,” Joel pleads as he drops his large hand over yours and squeezes.
The wave of shock hits you like lightning as your scar burns, and the memories flood your mind in the present. This time you see Joel lying there in the puddle of blood, wrist cut up with Jason standing over him with a bottle of alcohol and a smug smirk tugging at his cheeks as his dark eyes stare down at your and Joel’s dying bodies. It’s too much, it’s too fucking much.
You feel hot tears swarm your vision as you throw your arms around Joel and sink your face into his warm flannel. The one that smells like him, his musk, his warm scent. The tears don’t stop pouring, your sobs echoing in the distance as you feel your body completely melt against Joel. You hear him call your name, feel him try to talk to you as he tries to get your attention, but you’re too far gone, too broken to feel anything.
“Tommy!” Joel screams as you hear Tommy’s footsteps scuff quickly over the cement. “Make sure that fucker never steps foot in our club again, and make sure the cops lock him up. Fucker assaulted me and her tonight. I’m gonna take her home. Jus’ make sure he doesn’t cause any more trouble.” Joel snarls as you feel his arms snake around you.
“Don’t worry, Joel. I’ve got it. Motherfucker is gonna pay for what he did,” Tommy spits as he storms off to the front doors.
Joel tries to stir you from his grasp, but you just hold onto him as tight as a koala. “Sweetheart, hey. We need to get up. Do you think you can get up?” Joel asks carefully as he tries to pry you up. You don’t budge, don’t even make a sound as tears blur your vision.
“Alright, c’mon,” he sighs as he stoops down and picks you up, cradling you in his strong arms as he carries you to his truck while your eyes soak the front of his flannel. “I’ve got you, babygirl. It’s gonna be okay,” he coos as he brushes his lips over the top of your head and sets you down in the passenger seat.
He fastens the seatbelt over your lap until it clicks and lingers his fingers against your cheek. You pull away from him, leaning your head to the opposite side as tears begin to soak the fabric of your soft dress. You hear him sigh and listen to him back up, gently closing the passenger door while he shuffles to the driver’s side.
He gets himself situated in the seat, and you can feel that hovering gaze over you as he runs his fingers down his clipped scruff. You sink into the edge of the door, curling yourself into a tight ball as you feel his stare smother your insides.
You don’t want him to see you like this, all broken and torn to shreds. He wasn’t supposed to know this side of you. The part you keep closed up in a tight glass bottle that drifts off to sea, where no one will see the mess you keep hidden away.
This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen, but it did. It did.
You close your eyes tight and lean against the glass window, throwing up your shields as you drown out the sounds of the low vibrations of the truck, keeping Joel's concerned, prying eyes from your glassy stare, even blocking out his gravelly voice as he whispers soft words under his breath.
This is too much, it’s all too much. You just want to disappear, let shadows envelop you in darkness, fade away so you don’t have to keep living those horrible nightmares night after night.
This was all Jason’s fault, all yours for falling for a man who never loved you. The only thing he did was shatter your world completely and keep you from forming intimate relationships. And now you were permanently scarred, just like the mark against your wrist.
You’re a fucking piece of work, and nobody deserves that burden now.
Joel locks his fingers around the leather steering wheel, gripping so tight that his knuckles are painted white as concerned eyes flick to your fragile form in the passenger seat. His thoughts fly wild, his breath quick, his teeth bared as he thinks of what that fucker did to you.
He’ll drive down to the county jail this weekend, make sure Jason’s locked up tight, make sure he will never place another finger on your beautiful face. He fucking slapped you, knocked you down, and shed violent threats over your crouched body. He’s a dead man.
Joel ticks his jaw, snaps his teeth together as he thinks of the asshole that hurt you. He swears to god if Jason ever lays another hand on you, he will personally kill him himself. He’d snap his neck, would make sure the fucker was ten feet in the ground, would fucking destroy the man that assaulted you. He’d burn everything, if only that meant he could keep you safe. If only that meant you were his…
He rakes a hand heavily through his scruff, takes another long glance at you as you shake and whimper against the glass window, folding yourself into the smallest shape you can possibly get yourself in. And it fucking hurts him to see you like this, all fragile and broken and bleeding. He wants to take all the pain away, but he doesn’t know how, doesn’t exactly know what you need, but he’ll be gentle, delicate, whatever you need. He would be that for you. He’d be anything you needed him to be.
He gently drops a hand from the steering wheel, reaching out until he stops himself when he sees the jagged scar on your left wrist. How had he never seen it before, how had he not noticed? How was this the first time he’s looked at it?
God, he’s such a fool, a fucking asshole. The way he iced you out, the way he didn’t reply to your texts, the way he fucking flirted with a woman tonight when he damn well knew all he wanted was you. How could he be so reckless with your feelings? He fucking knew better, and look where that ended.
He should’ve figured out the signs sooner. The way you always widened your eyes and turned your head before he could sink his lips down on yours, the way you were so hesitant and careful about everything you did with him. Why didn’t he just stop after that stupid question in the diner, when he asked you what exactly the two of you were doing? He should’ve fucking known the way you tried to change the subject, the way you lost all form of words, your breathy stutters. He should’ve fucking saw your wrist and knew someone had hurt you. But he didn’t, and now he was the biggest asshole for falling silent and leaving you thinking he didn’t want you. And he fucking hates himself for that. Because he wanted you the entire goddamn time.
God. He’s wanted you from the first moment he saw you in his club, sitting there all doe-eyed and looking up at him as your smile took his breath away.
He’s such a goddamn fool, and he just wishes he could take it all back and start over. He’d be so careful with you, and now you’re sitting there scattered in broken pieces of glass, but he’ll try to put you back together the best he can. He has to try, he just has to because you’re all he really wants anymore.
You’re a living, breathing angel, and he’ll set himself on fire if that’s what it takes to win you back.
The truck stops in a dark driveway, one that’s lit with dim lights glowing against a tan garage. You don’t look up, not even when the hum of the engine cuts off and Joel frantically slams his door closed and practically sprints to the passenger side.
When he opens it he hesitates a second, assessing your tear-soaked face as you turn away from him. You don’t want him to see you like this, but it’s too late. So why are you shying away from him?
He carefully unbuckles you and gently lifts you up, cradling you against his firm chest as you sink against it, inhaling his fresh soap smell, the pine scent dripping off his silvery scruff. You smell it then: the scent of safety, of your knight in shining armor.
Joel carries you into the house, taking you up the creaking stairs and what you assume to be up to his bedroom. You don’t lift your eyes, only squeezing them shut so you can forget the aftermath of showing up to the club. You try to block out the blonde woman, Jason, the fight with Joel, the absolute monstrosity of the events that led you here to Joel’s house. You try to forget, but you can’t. You just can’t.
You hear a door swing open as you make it to the top of the stairs, his fast beating chest breathing rapidly as you cling to his warm flannel. You could stay curled up against his chest for hours, as long as you don’t have to open your eyes, as long as you can just breathe him and forget the rest of the world.
Those thoughts are short-lived when you feel the back of your thighs brushing against a soft comforter, and then he’s unlatching you from his flannel. You unwind your fingers and fall against the bed, allowing him to take a step back as the numbness seeps back inside you.
You tug at your dress, the room feeling both too overwhelmingly sweltering and also as cold as ice chilling down every single nerve in your body. You just need to get out of this tight thing; the fabric is suffocating and squeezing you like Jason’s rough hands are still wrapped around your throbbing wrists.
You jump when you hear Joel sliding a drawer shut, your fingers still tugging against your itchy fabric. You want it off, need to get it off, but you can’t seem to make your hands or body work.
As if Joel senses you struggling against yourself, you see him carefully walking over to you in your periphery, his polished boots scuffing against the dark grey carpet as you take a deep breath to calm yourself.
Your fingers fidget against the tainted material, and you just want it off now. He slowly, ever so delicately stills your hand, his palm flattening over the top of yours as he whispers quietly. “Here, let me help you out there, sweetheart. ‘S alright, easy now.”
He slowly tugs your zipper down, ever so slowly pulling the summer dress off your body, and then unclasping the buckle of your heels as he frees them from your aching feet.
He gently helps you lift your arms as a long dark blue t-shirt envelops your body, the soft material hitting just below your knees as it clouds you in whiffs of summer breeze and Joel all together. It makes you feel safe, like he’s surrounding you in just him. And it feels so damn good.
He grunts as he lifts himself off the floor, and then he treads into his bathroom, throwing the bright light on as water starts to pour from his sink.
Drip, drip, drip. The sounds the water makes as it crashes into the sink makes your heart slow, makes you think about the entire night, makes you cringe as Jason’s face comes into view. You see red eyes, hear slurring curses, feel the glass cutting straight through your fragile skin.
You grab hold of your wrist, embedding your nails into the skin as you wince at the memory. No more, not tonight. You can’t bear to think of it, so you block it out as the numb feeling tingles down your spine and surrounds every single bone in your body. You shut your eyes tight and count to ten in your head, hoping the voices will go away, but they never do. They’re just… ghosts.
A few seconds later you hear Joel pad back into the room, his footsteps so slow as he takes step after step until the floor stops creaking. You open your eyes and find him kneeling in front of you, his eyes so lathered with concern that it makes his chocolate irises lighten just a little, and it makes your heart skip in your chest.
He looks at you like you’re so broken, fragile, but you are. He hesitates as his right hand flexes up with a tan soaked washcloth in his grip, like he’s afraid to touch you, like you’re made of glass.
“Is this okay? Can I…” His gravelly voice fades off, and his brows knit together as he studies your somber features slowly.
Permission? He’s asking for permission to touch you? Of course he is. After tonight he figures you don’t want to be touched, and he’s right. You don’t. But Joel, you’ll allow him the honor.
He slowly reaches his arm up, brushing a strand of hair delicately behind your ear, and then he brings the cool washcloth up and runs it over your stinging cheek. You wince a little at the pain, but you quickly lean into the cold material and let it soak your heated skin.
He’s so careful with you, brown eyes flicking every few seconds to assess your face, making sure you’re okay, making sure you won’t just slip like sand into the cracks of the floor. That’s what you would be doing, if it wasn’t for Joel taking care of you.
You didn’t ask him to do this, didn’t imagine this being your weekend night with eyeliner running down your face or your eyes swollen and red. You probably look like a giant mess, but isn’t that what you are?
You flick your gaze up to his and spot the colorful bruise that flashes deep purple and crimson on the side of his left cheek, the exact same place as yours, and it makes your heart drop in your chest.
Guilt spirals through your head, your chest, and then drops to your stomach. This is all your fault. Joel is hurt because of you. He wouldn’t have swollen knuckles and discolored bruises on his fingers and cheek if it wasn’t for you.
Your vision starts to blur, your fingers twisting into the soft sheets, and your body starts humming with vibrations as you begin to shake.
Your fault, your fault, your fault.
Joel’s eyes widen, and his free hand lands on your thigh as he looks at you as if you’ll shatter into a million pieces. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?” he asks as his mouth twitches into a hard line.
You shake your head and whimper out, “No, you didn’t. I’m just…” You freeze up and almost lose your words. “You got hurt. You’re hurt because of me. This is all my fault,” you whine as another tear escapes your eye.
“No, sweetheart. Not at all,” he murmurs as he reaches up and brushes a tear away from your cheek before it can fall to the floor.
He cups your face with both hands, his calloused fingers feeling like warmth, and then he gazes at you with so much intent and sorrow in his eyes that they start to glisten. “Don’t you dare for one second think any of this is your fault. None of it is, you didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.”
Your eyes fill with tears as they start to spill over, your body trembling as you finally release it all out of your system. “Then why does it feel like it is?” you cry out, the room temperature dropping fifteen degrees as you shake with guilt and hurt.
“Oh, sweetheart. No. C’mere.” He throws off his boots and scoops you up, landing in the soft sheets as he cradles you to his chest while he pulls the dark blue comforter over your shaking body. “‘S’okay, babygirl. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he coos, folding his broad arms over your back as he takes one hand and gently runs it down the back of your scalp, soothing you of everything you’ve held pent up inside that you never got the courage to let slip out.
“Joel, the reason I didn’t tell you…”
“Shhh. Not now, sweetheart. You can tell me in the mornin’. Right now I jus’ want you to relax, breathe, sleep. Jus’ focus on deep breaths. I’ve got you, sweetheart. Nobody’s gonna hurt you anymore. I’ve got you, sweet girl. I’ve got you,” he soothes as his thick fingers stroke tenderly through your hair, easing you of the tension that you hold in your shoulders.
“But I… he… you…” You just can’t make sense of your jumbled words.
“Easy now. Easy,” he whispers, pulling you closer into him so you can nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck where it’s warm and safe and smells like the middle of an autumn’s day.
You breathe him in, grasping on to his woodsy scent, sinking as deep as you can go against his broad chest, fingers curling possessively against his white undershirt, steadying your breaths to the slow rhythm of his heart, reaching for him and only him as your panicked mind starts to ease into calm waters, Joel the anchor that keeps you from drowning.
You keep latched tight to him as you start to let your body get dragged into darkness where no one can hurt you, where only Joel keeps you floating into a deep, serene place where your body stills, your galloping heart starting to slow to quiet footsteps as you hear the deep sighs slip from his lips, letting it lull you to sleep as he holds you tighter.
The last thing you hear before you drift off to sleep is the sound of his deep, gravelly Southern drawl where you feel most relaxed at. “You’re safe with me, angel. Always.” And then you slip into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.
The fan blows overhead, his head resting up against the headboard as he stares at your sleeping form that clings to his white t-shirt. His hand repeatedly strokes your soft locks, as if the motion will make the panic ease from your mind, as if he can make you feel safe, where no one else can touch your delicate form again.
He brushes his lips against your forehead, caressing them over every perfect line that makes up your gorgeous face, needing to give you everything he can. He thinks you’re so perfect, the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and now all he wants to do is take care of you, the way you should’ve been taking care of long ago.
He slips a hand under the material of his t-shirt that splays over your body, carefully dragging his fingernails over your lower back in slow, meticulous circles as he soothes you from the panic.
“Nobody’s ever gonna make you feel unwanted again, baby. He’s never gonna hurt you again, will never lay his eyes on you because I’ll keep you safe. You’re so perfect, so beautiful, jus’ like the rarest flower in the world. That’s what you are. Rare, my love. You’re so rare,” he whispers against the shell of your ear, dragging his lips over your soft skin as he closes his eyes and breaths in the lilac perfume that envelops your very being.
You stir beneath him, nuzzling closer as you groan and curl your fingers against his neck, getting as close as you possibly can. He almost thinks you’re awake, but your deep breaths and fluttering eyelashes say you’re in a deep sleep, somewhere far away.
He hugs you closer and rests his chin on your head, fingers scraping softly against your soft skin, exactly how you like it. He’s always wanted to keep you safe, but now it’s his mission, like his life depends on it. He’ll spend his entire life convincing you if he has to. You’re his now, and he’s never going to let you go.
He lets his eyelids shut as the fan hums him to sleep, keeping his arms wrapped safely around you, his lips pressing once more to your forehead as sleep drags him under. And for once in his life, he sleeps the rest of the night because you are safe in his arms.
You wake to the chirping of singing birds as the sun shines brightly through the sheer curtains, your eyes slowly peeling open as you feel deep, slow breaths underneath you. You quietly stir, groaning as you tug his t-shirt against your fingers, suddenly very aware you stayed the night at Joel’s in his bed, in his arms.
You feel Joel readjust beneath you, lifting your chin as you’re met with the most beautiful sleepy brown eyes you’ve ever seen. And the drawl of his sleep-ridden gravelly voice doesn’t make it any better. “Mornin’, sunshine. You sleep okay?” He curls a lock of hair behind your ear and lingers his calloused palm on your skin, making you warmer than you were before.
“Mmm, I did,” you smile sleepily as he chuckles, making his brown eyes crinkle as the crow’s feet pull at the corners of his eyes. God, he’s always so handsome, especially in the morning, fresh from a long night’s rest with tousled bedhead curls that you want to run your fingers through.
“Good, that’s good,” he murmurs, a crooked smile curling over his lips as you seem to get lost in his beautiful face.
You almost nestle back into the crook of his neck, but when you look over you realize it’s a quarter past 10:00. Your eyes go wide and you jump up, realizing you’re probably messing up his entire day. “Shit, Joel. I didn’t know it was so late. I’m sorry, you should’ve woke me up earlier.”
You’re nearly frantic, but he places a palm softly on your face and turns you to look straight into his sleepy eyes. “‘S alright, angel. Jus’ calm down. I took the day off. Tommy’s got me covered, don’t you worry.”
“Oh.” You look at him with wide eyes while his thick fingers trail down your jawline like velvet.
“Wasn’t gonna jus’ leave you alone after last night. Needed to make sure you were alright. Figured I needed to take care of you.”
Oh. Take care of you? No one has ever… done that. Taken care of you before. And yet again, he leaves you completely speechless. “To… take care of me?” Your voice is barely a whisper as you stare up into gorgeous flecks of chocolate eyes.
“That’s right, sweetheart,” he smiles, a hand slowly smoothing down your messy locks as he comforts you.
All you can muster up is a pathetic thank you as you nestle back into the scruff of his neck, hitching your leg around his hip as you hold tight to his broad chest. His fingers trail soothingly up and down your back, his nail beds scratching softly along your exposed skin as he soothes your growing panic.
After a few minutes of cuddling, he shifts his weight and drags his lips across the shell of your ear. “You wanna take a bath?” You nod your head and allow him to unravel you from his comforting hold. “Alright then, c’mon.”
He carries you into the bathroom, flipping the light on as he goes. He carefully sits you down on top of the ceramic countertop, dropping his thick fingers from your sides so he can start the water in the tub.
The faucet squeaks and turns, shooting out warm water. You lean against the mirror and close your eyes for just a second, letting the hum of the water calm your stirring tides, letting the sounds of Joel brushing past you soothe you as he sets out some clean towels from the polished cabinet.
You start to drift off again, trying to forget the horrors of last night. You start to slip into darkness, but Joel pulls you right back out as you start to fade to black. “You ready?” he asks, standing right in front of you with his thighs meeting your knees, one hand softly grazing along the jawline of your face.
“Yeah,” you mutter out pathetically, and then he lifts you off the counter and sets you on flat ground.
“C’mere, pretty girl. Let’s get you out of this.” He cautiously lifts the hem of his shirt and carefully drags it over your head. You place a hand steadily on his veiny forearm, slipping out of your panties until you’re completely bare and shivering like you’ve just walked out into a snowy blizzard.
He quickly throws his t-shirt off, shedding himself of his jeans and boxers until he has nothing left covering himself. The bubbles fizz at the top of the tub as he cuts off the water, slipping his fingers through yours so he can help you in the tub.
“In you go, angel. There ya go,” he murmurs, letting the warmth lap against your skin as he settles behind you, pressing your back into his broad chest while his thick arms envelop you in comfort.
You close your eyes, press your fingertips into his hot skin, and soak in the smell of his rich mahogany scent that always seems to calm you down. You shut out the violent events of last night, only thinking about how Joel swept you up in his arms and took care of you, making sure you were safe and heard, promising you that you were safe. And you were safe, you’re always safe in his strong arms, arms that claim you as his now, hopefully.
“Easy now, you’re alright,” he hums in the shell of your ear, caressing his lips against your jawline, slowly taking the soft washcloth over your arms as he bathes you in lavender soap. You lean into his broad body, groaning each time he glides the washcloth over your delicate skin, drowning in the attention and care he’s giving you.
He didn’t run, he stayed.
He picks you up gently and cradles you over his lap, your legs splayed over his thighs while your face nuzzles cozily into the crook of his neck, his calloused fingertips gently skating down the edge of your jawline. You relax every muscle in your body because you feel safe; Joel makes you feel safe.
He trails his hand down your forearm and pauses at the dip in your wrist, where the scar is visible. His fingertips feel like fire as they hover over the marked area that still feels fresh from years ago.
“You wanna talk ‘bout it?” he asks shakily, like you’ll break if he’s too loud or if he presses too hard on the scarred skin. You jump when he touches your wrist, and he quickly releases from that spot like he just burnt you more.
“I…” There you go choking again. When will you ever learn?
“You don’t have to talk ‘bout anything you’re not comfortable with, sweetheart. Jus’… I wanna know what happened to you because I want to understand you, want to make sure I don’t set off any triggers. I jus’ wanna know how to make you feel safe, babygirl.”
Babygirl. There’s that word again. The one that makes you think you’re finally his.
You flick your gaze up to him, staring into concerned brown eyes that draw you in like a moth to a flame. He always did know how to calm you down with just those soft, syrupy eyes. You look down and trace your index finger along the damp, wiry hairs along his chest, and then you take a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
“No, I… I want to tell you everything. So let me try.” You take a shaky breath and breathe out slowly, numbing your body enough to where the adrenaline isn’t filling your lungs, and then you lay it all out like you should’ve long ago. “I went through a lot in my past, Joel. With Jason. He was… he wasn’t always terrible. At least not in the beginning. He picked up drinking after he was in the service. He wasn’t always home, but when he took an early retirement from the military and came back he was a horrible alcoholic. I mean, drowning a whole six pack or more a day. And it just got worse and worse. And he… he…”
You have to take a breath and close your eyes for just a second, focusing on not falling apart as you feel hot tears well in your eyes at thinking back to the past you so desperately want to forget.
Joel puts a comforting hand on your lower back, giving you that nudge you need to continue your story. “He got really mean, especially when he was drunk. And I wanted to get out so bad, but he’d just suck me right back in. Promising he’d change, that he’d do better, but he never did. He never even tried. And then I tried to leave one night because he had me so terrified that I packed a bag and ran, but he got me before I was able to make it out the door. And he… he threatened me. Had me pressed up to the door with his hand wrapped around my throat. And he… he told me if I ever left he’d find me. So I felt trapped, and I couldn’t even talk about it to anyone because I was so fucking scared that he’d come after them, too.”
Joel’s eyes are wide, and his nostrils are flared, his hand drawing slow circles across your back in a soothing motion. You can see he’s fighting to keep his mouth shut, and he nods for you to continue.
“And then one night, Jason got really drunk. It was a rainy night, and I was cooking him dinner. There was something he didn’t like or something about how I was out too late the night before. I can’t exactly remember, but he was so fucking angry. His eyes were bloodshot red, and he was screaming for me to get him another beer. And I just remember thinking he was going to do something terrible to me. He was… abusive and manipulative… and he was so damn good at talking me down. I still… sometimes I still have nightmares.”
Joel’s fingers curl against your skin, and he presses you tighter against his chest, like he’s trying to soften the blow for you. He’s so good.
“But when I handed him the beer, he slapped my face hard and he broke the bottle on the coffee table, even smashed his dinner plate and sent the coffee table across the room. There was so much glass and noise and chaos… and I remember… I remember he pinned me down against the carpet and started lashing out at me, like I was the problem, like I was the reason he was so angry. And I tried to push him away, tried to scream for help, but he took the edge of the broken bottle and slashed my wrist open… he tried to kill me…”
The bathroom goes completely silent as Joel stares at you with a hint of terror flashing through his eyes. You feel the hot pricks of teardrops cascade down your cheeks, and then you’re a blubbering mess again. “I remember the sirens, the police, how I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. And I was alone, didn’t even remember what happened. All I knew was that I was in a strange place with IVs hooked to my arms, and I could barely see straight because I lost so much blood. And I… I was… I was so scared, Joel. They said… they said I was almost dead. If they would’ve gotten there two minutes later I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this…”
Joel wraps his arms firmly around you, cupping the back of your head with a strong hand as he sends a wave of comfort around you, holding you while you cry your heart out and lay out everything just so he knows why you’re so messed up and broken.
“Oh, babygirl. I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that. That’s… my god, that’s traumatizing.” You wrap your arms around his thick back, burrowing your face into his warm chest as you soak up his warmth.
“And he… he always said how nobody else could love me, that I was worthless, that I was nothing. And that’s why… that’s why I am the way I am. Because of him.” Your voice cracks as more tears roll down your face.
Joel tips your chin up and rubs the tip of his thumb under your eyes, catching big tears as he brushes them away. “Oh, no no no, sweetheart. Don’t you believe him for one minute. You’re so beautiful and you’re strong and you’re worthy of love. Don’t think for one second on it, darlin’ girl. You’re worth it all.”
You’re worth it all. The words make your eyes glassy as you stare wondrously at the man that saved you from it all. “Thank you for… for making me feel safe,” you whisper against his chest.
“Always,” he murmurs as his thick fingers run through your hair calmly. “Thank you for trustin’ me with that information, angel,” he whispers against your ear. “You’re such a brave girl, you know that?” He gently presses his lips to the top of your head, and you sink deeper against his warm, welcoming chest. “The bravest girl I know.”
You’re such a brave girl. The words make you choke back a sob. “You really think so?”
“Mhm. I do, angel. I do.” His voice is so warm, almost like a brassy baritone sound that glides through your ears, like you could listen to it for forever.
You melt into his firm chest, eyes glistening up at him as you swallow your tongue and force more explanations out that he probably doesn’t need. “It’s sometimes hard for me to ask for what I need. After so long of that, I kinda lost my voice on things that matter to me,” you mumble shyly as if he’ll draw back from you, but he only pulls you closer.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I can be patient,” he coos into the shell of your ear, sending a wave of relief down your body.
“That’s why at the diner I couldn’t… I froze up when you asked me what I wanted. And I… God, I knew what I wanted. I just couldn’t say the words,” you stutter out, jumbling the words as they seem to blur all together.
“Hey, s’alright, angel. I should’ve… fuck. I should’ve been better. The way I acted after the diner. I jus’ can’t tell you how sorry I am, sweetheart. I know I hurt you by what I did. I jus’ wasn’t thinking, and I should’ve picked up on the signs the first night I met you. The way… you were so hesitant, and each time I even got close to your lips… Shit, I’m jus’ real sorry, darlin’. There’s not enough apologies that I could give to make it up to you.” He sighs and drags a large hand through his tousled curls, letting another sigh of frustration catch in his throat. “I’m sorry for leavin’ you on read for two weeks. I jus’… I was a wreck myself, but that’s a sorry excuse for bein’ an asshole, and right now I don’t even deserve redemption after the trouble I caused.”
You shake your head as if he shouldn’t be apologizing at all. “No, Joel. It’s okay. I should’ve just… I should’ve been better by now. About my feelings, about asking for what I need. I tried to bury my past, but all it did was eat me alive.”
He cups your chin and lifts your face to where your eyes meet his, and he looks so soft and sincere. You think you could just drown in those syrupy eyes filled with warmth. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t apologize. Not after what you’ve been through, my brave girl. Don’t even think about it for one second.”
My brave girl. The words send a splash of hope pulling through your veins at the word my, like maybe you are his.
“Joel, I…”
“Angel, s’alright. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, alright? Jus’ know that you’re so fuckin’ special, and I swear to god I’ll strangle myself before I ever hurt you again. And if someone even thinks of messin’ with you again, jus’ know I’ll kill ‘em with my bare hands. Because you are one of a kind, angel. Never met a girl like you before…”
“Joel…” You drag your fingertips across his greying scruff, your eyes glistening with longing and need, and then the word block comes up. You push and push, until you have nothing standing in your way anymore from telling him how you really feel. You take a deep breath and let the words fall off your tongue like you’re free falling, and somehow you know he’ll catch you. “I just… what I wanted to say back at the diner is that… I want you. God, I’ve wanted you for so long. And when you didn’t talk to me for almost two weeks… well… it was just… it was the worst thing ever, but I knew I messed up and probably deserved it and…”
He cuts you off, muttering a soft apology as he looks at you stunned for half a beat, his eyes raining with a look of longing and relief as he pulls you flush against his chest, letting the bubbles float around your entwined bodies. “Oh, sweetheart. No, you never messed up and you absolutely never deserved that. Listen to me very carefully. You have me. I’m all yours, sweet girl. I’ve been yours since that first night we met. And this is me askin’ for forgiveness, and I pray to god you’ll accept it because I don’t think I can see you walk out of this house unless it’s with me standing by your side.”
Your eyes go wide as you stare into gentle brown eyes, eyes that say they want you. “You… you still want me? Even after…”
He pushes back a piece of loose hair and grazes his knuckles softly down your jawline. “Angel, I’ve never stopped wanting you. And now, I want you even more.”
“You… want me…” you repeat in a hushed whisper, afraid that your ears are deceiving you. No one’s ever wanted you, so how could this perfect, gentle man want you?
“I want you every minute, every second, every breath of every day, sweetheart. I always want you. And if that asshole or any other fucker ever made you feel like you weren’t wanted then let me show you that that’s not true. Because I want you, angel. You’re worth everything, you beautiful, sweet girl. You’re worth it all.”
Your eyes blow wide as you feel a warm teardrop roll down your cheek. Joel brushes it away carefully with the pad of his thumb and lingers against your skin, making you feel warmth you’ve never felt in your life.
The bubbles splash around you with every shaky breath you take as your fingers graze his patchy beard, delicately tracing each strand of grey that threads through the dark hair, memorizing each fleck of onyx brown that glitters under the bathroom fluorescent lights. Your other hand pushes back a tousled curl off his tanned forehead, lingering your fingers in his messy hair like it’s your favorite shade of color that you want to lace your fingers through forever.
This man, this sentimental, extremely sweet hunk of a man is yours. He wants you, he really wants you. And for the first time in your life you know what it should feel like to be cared for, to be wanted, to be loved. At least it feels like love. The slow, sensual way he says your name, the longing gazes from his deep hazel eyes that make you blush like a silly girl with a school crush, the way he takes care of you, listens to you, the way he makes you feel safe like no one else has.
Safe. He makes you feel so safe, so seen, so loved. That’s it. Love. You love this man, and you really just want to fucking kiss him because he’s looking at you all doe-eyed and like you’re the only thing in the world that he wants to look at. And that’s it. You’re finished, smitten, done.
This is it.
It’s like the world stops spinning on its axis as you carefully lace your fingers through his curls, your other hand sliding along his chiseled jaw as you push yourself higher onto his lap and let your forehead connect with his.
He breathes in deep and hooks one arm around your lower back, his other hand skimming underneath your chin, letting the tip of his thumb graze along your lower lip. He lets it sit there, memorizing each crevice, every line that connects your smooth lips, and it’s like fire that tingles down your body, like no one has ever touched you before. Not like this, not like he’s mapping out every single trace of your soul, reaching in and stroking your heart like he’s putting together every broken piece of your shattered past.
“Do you know what my favorite thing about you is, angel?” He whispers with a deep, gravelly tone, shaking your very core as he continues to explore the lines of your lips.
“What?” Your voice is so scratchy that you almost don’t recognize it. You’re just very aware of how close his lips are, how intimate this moment is in the bathtub, on his lap while he tells you how much he wants you. And it’s so much, so very paralyzingly too intimate, but you don’t care. You don’t have the strength to deny him any longer when you want him just as badly as he wants you.
“How brave you are. You’re the bravest, strongest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. And the best part is how you wear your heart on your sleeve even after everything you’ve been through. And I’m so lucky to have had the honor of meeting the prettiest angel in the room the first night I met you. And I’m so happy that I can call you mine, pretty little angel. You’re mine.”
You lean into Joel’s broad body, threading your fingers through his hair, gasping at the beautiful words that fall off his tongue so easily, mesmerized by the incredible man that keeps you breathless with every word he speaks.
You breathe in his rich mahogany scent, clinging to every word that wraps around your mind. You brush his nose and feel the warmth that heats off his skin, his lips, his very essence that seems to crash into your own body. And it’s like every single sound in the world stops as your lips brush his, like this is what you’ve waited for your entire life, to kiss him.
The slight tug of his large hand that cups the back of your neck is all the motivation you need. You let your hand fall against his slacked jaw, and then your lips are on his.
Warm. His lips are so warm, soft, perfect. Like they were molded just for you. You lean into his chest and hum against his plush lips as you circle your arms around the back of his neck. It’s like earth stops and gravity isn’t real, even the bubbles in the bath seem to come to a standstill as the kiss permeates throughout the room like sparkling firecrackers filling the warm air.
You part your lips, allowing him to slot his tongue into your mouth, and then he’s surrounding you in complete warmth as you melt as his honey-like tongue explores your mouth slowly. The kiss is nothing like you’ve experienced before. It’s warm, slow, inviting, and it’s written with Joel all over it.
Joel doesn’t rush, only takes his time as he delves into your mouth, swallowing his cinnamon taste as you drown in the very essence of him. Your bodies move in unison, fingers threading against one another’s hair, hearts beating impossibly fast against each other’s chests, a slow staccato rhythm that lights hearts on fire. You’ve never experienced anything this romantic in your life.
The kiss eventually ends as his lips disconnect with yours, and all you want to do is get wrapped up in your favorite lips again, but your breathing is ragged and you need some air as the stifling feelings start to fill your chest.
Joel laces his fingers through your hair and looks down at you with the most beautiful shade of deep brown eyes you’ve ever seen in your life, and you swear he looks completely smitten with you, almost like he’s in love. “You’re tellin’ me I had to wait that long to kiss you?” He smiles, resting his forehead down on yours.
“Sorry,” you apologize with red cheeks.
“Don’t gotta be sorry, angel. That was one hell of a kiss. The best damn kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life,” he purrs, lightly stroking slow circles against your jawline.
You gently laugh as you curl a finger down his broad chest. “Still, sorry I made you wait so long.”
He shakes his head and smiles warmly. “I’d wait forever if I had to, angel. You’re worth it.”
Your lips part and your eyes glisten as you stare at the man who has your entire heart. And god, you want to tell him how irrevocably in love you are with him, and that’s exactly what you do. You just let it float through the bathroom, completely aware of every single thing that could go wrong, but you can’t hide your feelings for him anymore. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted, so you’ll have him. “Joel, I think… I think… I’m in love with you.”
His eyes soften into molten chocolate, and his smile is absolutely radiant as it curls over his plush lips. “And what would you say if I said I was in love with you, too?”
“What?” You freeze, thinking you heard that wrong. He loves you? Oh. Oh my…
“I love you, my sweet little angel. I’ve been in love with you since I saw you across the bar. I jus’ knew you were the one. They always say you know. Didn’t know what they meant until I saw you lookin’ over at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. I knew from that moment you’d be mine.”
Your mouth parts open as you suck in a breath, all your guarded walls and insecurities dropping on the spot as you play the words again and again in your head, until you can fully comprehend what he just said to you.
He’s in love with you. With you! You don’t know how, you don’t know why he did, but you just know you feel it as much as he does. And your skin is absolutely glowing as you grin mesmerizingly up at his brown starry eyes. “You really love me?”
“Oh, my little angel. Yes, I love you. You take the breath out of me.”
You map out every fleck of amber in his eyes, every crevice of pure syrupy colors that call your name like a magical siren, and then you’re falling, crashing into his lips until you can only breathe him. There’s no oxygen left, there’s only him and his cinnamon taste that drips off your tongue.
Your body molds to his, fingers lacing through messy curls, chest flush to his, climbing him like you can’t get close enough, can’t touch his tanned skin enough, can’t be satiated when his tongue is circling yours, marking his taste where you think you need him the most, so it can slip down and wrap around your heart, marking you as his own.
After a few minutes of heated tension and messy kisses, you untether from each other and just sit there in the warm, bubbly water, just breathing each other’s air like it’s the only oxygen you need. It’s just you and Joel, your own little safe space, a space he carved out just for you.
He turns you around and brings your back flush to his chest, wrapping a protective arm around your hips while his lips trace the top of your head until you can only close your eyes and breathe him in. Coffee, cinnamon, a fresh forest with chopped firewood. A warm fire, burning just for you.
After another half hour Joel helps you out of the tub, wrapping a soft cotton towel around your soaked body. He uses his large hands to help you dry off, taking slow strokes to your skin as the towel dries the water off your skin. He’s so gentle, careful, even delicate with every move he makes, every touch, every breath. He’s just… perfect.
“Here, you can wear some of my sweats. And I’ll get you a clean shirt.”
“Oh, okay,” you smile. He brushes his lips over your forehead softly before wrapping a towel around his waist and taking off to his closet, searching around for clothes that you get to wear.
You lean against the bathroom doorway and stare mesmerizingly at this beautiful man, watching him toss a long white t-shirt over his bare shoulder as his hands move hangers out of the way to find his sweats. You laugh at the way he tosses hangers to the side, muttering under his breath that he knows he put them right there. You tilt your head back against the bathroom door, assessing him while he works to find you just what you need.
Your eyes flit to the center of the room where a large mirror hangs and shades of soft cream fill the walls. You freeze when you see it, jaw dropping as you take in what sits on the edge of his mahogany dresser, right where the sunlight catches from the open window. There, right on the crevice of the dresser is a shiny hardcover Iron Flame book. “You bought Iron Flame?”
“Mhm,” he smiles, turning toward you with a fresh pair of grey sweats in his hand.
“But why? I thought…”
“I bought it because it was the closest thing I could get to havin’ you near me when all I wanted was you in my arms.”
You look at him wide-eyed, a small smile curling over your mouth as he comes and stands in front of you, trailing a hand slowly down your jawline. “Joel… you finished Fourth Wing?”
“Two days after the diner, that’s all I did was read. Finished it in one night because I could smell you on the pages. You smell like freshly printed books on a warm summer’s evening, and it had your scent all over those pages, angel.” His lips brush over yours, just long enough to breathe in his fresh cologne, and you feel as if you’re free falling in thin air, but Joel’s right at the bottom, ready to catch you before you collapse.
“Joel… I… I’m speechless. You read because it reminded you of me?” you whisper out.
“Mhm. That’s right, sweet girl. Jus’ for you.” His fingers lace with yours, lips caressing your knuckles as if he’s drinking you in.
“I… God, I love you.”
He lifts his eyes and smiles at you as he wraps his arms tightly around your waist. “I love you, too, my beautiful angel…”
Then his lips are on yours. Soft, gentle, magnetic, electric. And there you go, floating off into a fluffy cloud as his taste and touch send you into a euphoric trance.
“Are you hungry?” he asks as lets his hands slide from your waist.
“Mhm.”
“How ���bout I cook you come breakfast? But, I have a condition.”
You raise your eyebrows and playfully smirk at him. “And what’s that?” you giggle.
“Read to me.” It’s not a question but an ask. He wants you to read to him.
“You want me to read to you?” Your eyes flick up to his, and those gentle brown eyes are searing into your soul.
“Yes. Wanna hear that beautiful voice of yours. Read me Iron Flame.”
You let the words simmer for a few seconds as he slips on a pair of casual jeans and a black t-shirt that clings to his broad chest, making the sculpted muscles flare against his strong build. And his messy curls are still wet and slicked back and so beautiful. This man is more than perfect, he’s yours. Just as you are his.
“Okay,” you smile, feeling your cheeks blush red as he sends a crooked, adorable smile your way.
God, you’re never going to get enough of this man.
After breakfast, you and Joel end up in his favorite leather recliner. He laces his arms around you and brings you flush against his broad chest, circling his hands with yours as you hold up Iron Flame and quietly read it together. His warm breath blows down the nape of your neck, and you lean into his space, letting the scent of coffee and pine cones envelop the air. You think this is how it always should’ve been, what you’ve been looking for your entire life. It’s Joel. It’s always been Joel. You just had to pave your way through the bad guys to find your knight in shining armor. The one you were always meant to fall in love with.
“I love you, pretty girl,” he whispers in the shell of your ear, holding you tighter like he never wants to let you go.
“And I love you too, Joel Miller.”
“Think these two are endgame?” He’s referring to Violet and Xaden in the book, but you really think he’s talking about you and him.
“Still got three books to go, but I see it like the ending is right in front of me. They’re so endgame.”
“Think you’re right, my sweet angel. I think they’re infinite, like you and me.” His lips brush against your forehead, and his fingers lace through yours as you let the next page fall away from your grasp.
“Infinite, huh?” you whisper.
“Infinite,” he confirms.
You tilt your head up and let your lips capture his, saying your feelings as you tug him closer and run your fingers through his thick curls, giggling as he cradles you in his arms and slots his tongue against yours, letting the coffee serenade you with the taste of Joel on your lips.
You think this is how it should always be, you and him. Right here in his recliner, reading books together, entwined fingers, lips on each other’s as if you both can’t get enough of one another.
You were always meant to find him. And he turned out to be your knight in shining armor. And maybe your forever.
This was just the beginning. You still had a lifetime to go.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#Joel miller#joel miller fic#protective joel#soft joel miller#no use of y/n#no outbreak!joel miller#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller fan fiction#joel miller the last of us#joel miller tlou#tlou fanfiction
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sucker punch (m) — sae itoshi
in the pivotal moments leading up to the most significant fight of his career against his estranged younger brother, sae meets a girl who turns his entire world upside down
warnings:- underground fighter!sae, fem!reader, heiress!reader, reader is coded to be feminine (wears dresses, makeup, heels, etc), language, cursing, fights, mentions of blood, mentions of alcohol, mentions of injuries, mentions of food, sae's repressed emotions™, arranged marriages (not between reader and sae oof), heavy angst
. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ masterlist ࿐ྂ
✯ chapter 5
“Miss Y/N, can I get you some lunch?”
It was a miracle you could hear your assistant’s meek voice from behind the door, considering you were currently curled up underneath your desk with tears streaming down your cheeks.
“No,” you weakly called out when you realised she was waiting for your answer. “I’ll be f-fine. Please, clear out my lunch schedule and close the main door behind you.”
If she heard your voice wobbling, she didn’t comment on it.
“Of course, ma’am.”
Her footsteps echoed down the hallway, and you heard the telltale click of the main office door closing. Your head thumped back against the lacquered wood, a sob greeting the still air underneath your desk. And another one. Then, you couldn’t hold back the flood.
Your vision went blurry, tears dripping down your cheeks. Fixating on a piece of dust near your right thigh, you poured your heart out for a man who could’ve been yours in a different lifetime. Stuttered sobs and gasping wails slipped past your open mouth, your knees pressed to your chest offering what little support you needed to get you through this heartbreaking spell.
You laced your fingers together, pressing them to your mouth to keep your cries from reaching the other end of the door, your engagement band searing your cheek.
Life was never fair, wasn’t it?
All you ever wanted was Itoshi Sae in his entirety. You could’ve lived with the prejudice, the gossip, and the snide remarks the upper class assholes in your life would throw your way. You could’ve lived without your father’s money if it meant you could wake up with him by your side.
But, he had hurt you. He had thrown your love back into your face when you thought it was the only thing you possessed that was worth offering to him.
Loving Sae was like a surrender. Which was an irony considering how you were always a fighter. It was an act of surrendering your flaws, your insecurities and defences right in his hands.
You had played all of your cards to get him to love you. But, like an idiot, you had lost this gamble, with your heart as the spoils of war.
You wanted to wrench your engagement ring off and toss it down the building. You had only agreed because you were tired of running towards love only for it to rebuke you. And your father looked so hopeful that you would say ‘yes’, you couldn’t possibly refuse him.
You’re such a fucking pain, I wish you would just get the fuck out of my life. More tears rushed down your face.
I wish I never met you. All you fucking do is meddle in my life and try to play an important part in it. Don’t you see? You are useless. I don’t need you to fight my battles. Stop fucking trying to butt your way into my problems. I only entertained your advances because we needed your money. I never wanted you in the first place.
You pressed your fist right into your mouth to silence your wails.
He hated you. Itoshi Sae hated you. But, why did he come back to you, then?
I was scared.
But, so were you.
Loving someone outside of your station was not easy. You had a huge responsibility on your shoulders, expectations to live up to. Your father would disown you. The society you grew up in would shun you. You were scared, too.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t survive on this rollercoaster.
Miyaki Maeda was a better prospect for you. He was smart, polite.
(He didn’t hate you).
He appreciated your efforts and genuinely seemed excited to marry you. There was someone right in front of you who valued you in your totality, not what you could offer him.
Unlike Sae.
You swiped your tears away, hearing your phone vibrate above your desk. Blindly reaching for it, your heart constricted when you saw the name on the screen.
Silently, you wondered what would happen if you entertained his advances. Perhaps it would fill that void in your bruised ego, but still leave you hungry for more love.
You couldn’t live on crumbs alone. You deserved a love willingly served to you on a platter.
Sae could never offer you his heart. He had chipped away at it the day he became The Prodigy. And like a fool, you had earnestly believed you could change his mind. Make him fall in love with you.
But, all that gave you was a broken heart and a wretched forlornness which disintegrated your soul like acid to metal. Your hopes in Itoshi Sae were gone.
His name stopped flashing across the screen, and then reappeared a few seconds later.
With shaky fingers, you declined his call. For added measure, you blocked his contact off your phone. It felt like you had committed a great, seismic sin.
The resounding silence had never been this loud.
Your entire world was crashing down, but somehow, nothing changed. The sun still filtered in through your yellowing blinds. The spot of dust by your thigh never moved despite your sobs stirring the air. The band around your finger wasn’t placed there by hands with calloused fingers and split knuckles.
Itoshi Sae’s love didn’t touch your outer world, and it hurts. It hurts to know that such a huge part of your devotion and love was given to a man who did not leave an indelible mark on you. There was no sign of his promise on your finger. No future growing inside your womb. It was like you opened your eyes one day and he never existed.
Was it your destiny to only fleetingly taste true love on your tongue and then never have it again for the rest of your life?
You had no answer to that.
So, you continued staring at the unmoving piece of dust, numbed by the neverending of your desolate inner world.
It was enough heartbreak and heavy thoughts for the day.
Alcohol has never been his best friend.
Unlike other fighters who loved getting drunk and knocking each other’s teeth out, Sae preferred matcha lattes over a whiskey on the rocks. This time, his preferences veered differently. Somehow, he found himself sitting on his own couch, staring at a water stain on his wall as he lifted the smeared glass to his lips. An old bottle of liquor which someone gifted him but he never opened was the victim to his loveless numbing.
After the fiasco in your office, Sae had crawled back into his shell, never to be seen for three days. All 27 calls he left on your phone went unanswered, and it didn’t take a genius to know you had blocked him.
He heard footsteps outside of his apartment, but they always faded away every time they got closer to his door. Sae had no motivation to see who it was.
His couch was his cradle, the ceiling his watchful guardian. He barely had an appetite for food, and spent his days staring blankly at the walls, waiting for his phone to ring.
It never did.
After the third day of his exile from the world, his stomach rumbled, and he decided to stand up and fix himself some instant ramen. It immediately took him back to the first unofficial date he had with you (he had never even taken you out on a real date), the savory broth bringing back memories of your sweet smile and chiming laugh.
He remembered how the lights of the ramen shop highlighted your hair, illuminated your grin. Even amidst the greasy fumes and jostling crowd, you fit in like a glove; a seamless part of his world that he took for granted.
The soup laid untouched, and he had curled himself back onto the couch.
A few hours later, he woke up from a fitful doze, deciding his stagnant body needed to move. It would be late, but Oliver had given him a spare key for the gym.
When he got there, the last car had just pulled out of the parking lot. His auburn hair was hidden underneath a hoodie, his hands fists in his pockets. The moment he stepped back into the ring, he was assaulted by a heavy feeling of loss he couldn’t ignore.
Sae couldn’t let his tears fall, not in such an open space. So, he strapped his gloves on and threw a few half-hearted punches onto the worn down sandbag. The room was spinning around the edges, but he pushed his body till failure; till sweat was running down his face, replacing his urge to sob.
His stomach was churning heavily, a greasy, disgusting sensation he couldn’t quite name rising from the pits of his soul.
He managed to close up the gym after an unfulfilling session, staggering out into the street.
A couple of twinkles dotting the inky sky caught his attention. Sae stared up at the stars, a faraway look in his eye. I wish she was here with me.
During this time, he would be home with you, cooking a hot meal or laying back on the couch as you both read a book together. But, here he was instead, sitting on the pavement outside the gym doors, knuckles throbbing and mind hazy with exhaustion.
His stomach grumbled, and he reluctantly picked himself up from the sidewalk, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder. Deciding to walk back to his apartment to get some steps in after days of being glued to his sofa, Sae made his way down the familiar streets, the closing doors of shops and opening ones of bars beckoning him to stay and savor the night.
No one would nag him for coming home past 8PM. No one would even care if he even came home or not.
He dawdled along the streets, passing drunken groups of teenagers, avoiding giggling streams of women. His listless eyes scanned the different storefronts, lingering on one which caught his sights.
It was a wedding store, filled with poofy dresses lining the front windows. Stately mannequins were posed by the glass in the season’s latest lace and organza offerings, instantly attracting anyone’s attention. There was a slight movement in the store, and Sae squinted when he noticed the familiar sheen of someone’s hair.
His feet took him one step forward without his consent. And another. And another until he was standing right in front of the huge window undetected.
Numbly, he watched as you crossed the store with the clerk behind you, arms raised, clad in a sleeveless sleek dress, white as the first snow. The look on your face was demure, eyes lowered. The older woman stopped in front of the gilded mirror to adjust your hem and you dropped your arms primly. Through the reflection, he watched your face spread out into a soft grin, a sweet laugh slipping past your blush-painted lips.
An unknown cocktail of emotions filled his entire chest. Happiness at finally seeing you, disbelief at what you were wearing… and the crushing realization that came after.
Oh.
You weren’t here by coincidence. This wasn’t the universe’s providence in giving him a chance to see you again. It was a reality check that hurt harder than a slap.
Because you weren’t here for any random reason.
You were here to try on your wedding dress.
Sae stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over a ditch. He righted himself in time to see your face breaking out in a sweet smile, the corners of your eyes crinkling. The man who would be your husband wasn’t here, and you were very well alone.
If he took one step forward… if he burst through the door…
He kept his eyes on you, rapt and unwavering. You looked healthier. Your cheeks were filled with color again, like they were always meant to be—not pale from fright. Those eyes he loved were brimming with warmth, not glossy with tears.
The reality was you looked happier than he had ever seen you.
Sae’s shoulders slumped forward, the same sickly feeling he experienced in the ring creeping up his throat. It was expelled in a shaky sob, and he bit on his lower lip to keep the trembles from spiraling out of his control (his measured, stoic, ever reliable control).
But, the lingering agony wouldn’t let him go. It clawed straight into his soul, ripping whatever was left of his composure the more he drank in the sight of your body wrapped in that stunning white silk.
She would make such a beautiful bride, the thought rang through his mind like a gunshot.
The next one left him with a gaping wound wide enough to swallow his entire ego, bleeding through his consciousness like a dark stain.
I wish I could see it for myself when she walks down the aisle. He swallowed thickly, heavily.
I wish she was mine forever.
Sae couldn’t help but press his palm to the shop’s glass window, wishing he was close enough to grab your hand (man enough to win you back).
I wish I hadn’t fucked up and hurt the only person I love.
Love. The word tasted bittersweet on his tongue. What did he know about love?
Rin was right. He didn’t have a heart.
You were right.
He was heartless.
The best thing he could do in this situation was take a step back. Sae already had you; he already had your days and nights—and what did he do?
He crushed your hopes of ever loving him.
Dropping his eyes to his split knuckles, he exhaled shakily.
You hadn’t noticed him from the other end of the shop, chattering away obliviously. Sae took one step back, sinking into the shadows where he belonged.
Not beside you in the light, but in a far, unreachable place.
Like drawing the curtains close, the darkness crept over his eyes, clouding his once vulnerable features. He lifted those teal eyes towards you again, drinking in your sweet expression, memorizing it as the first face he had ever loved in this lifetime.
In the silence and darkness of the night, he shot you a secret, sad smile, one which you would never see and he would never show anyone again.
Taking one step back, he turned around and walked away, burying the future and past where it belonged—out of his reach.
Maybe in another life, you would both be together. Maybe you would’ve worn that dress for him. Smiled just for him as you walked down the aisle.
But, real life doesn’t work like the stories he read.
Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they fight and he loses her.
Boy stands a street away, unable to tear his eyes from her. He watches the girl step into her new life, while he’s left behind in the lurch.
She lives happily ever after.
While he just lives.
Normally, Sae would never follow Aiku on one of his drinking excursions, but today wasn’t a normal day.
They’d just sign a new contract to build up a dormitory attached to the gym so younger fighters with no homes could stay under their roof. It was a bittersweet, almost nostalgic throwback to their lives before this sudden win, and Sae finds it appropriate it should happen two weeks after the mythical U20 vs. Blue Lock match.
The other boys were causing mayhem as usual, Shidou terrorizing the dance floor while the rest of them heartily drank and lost themselves in the cheer of such an achievement.
It wasn’t everyday a man could see his dreams come true, and Sae took a second to savor it all, closing his eyes and inhaling the smoke.
“Oi. Stop dozing off and look after my drink. I’m gonna take a piss.”
Oliver’s grating voice over the music knocks Sae out from the moment, and he shoots the guy one quick, death glare. Not to be deterred, Aiku snorts, spinning on his heel and stalking to the men’s room, leaving Sae alone at the bar.
Out of habit, those quicksilver teal eyes scrutinize the dance floor and the establishment, sniffing for the first scent of danger.
Some boys were chugging beers, goading each other on to see who could drink the most. A few others congregated around the pool table, shooting sets and arguing over shoddy misses. Other than the riotous complaints and boyish thumps on broad backs, nothing was out of the ordinary.
Sae chuckles as their voices rise over the din and smoke; once a fighter, always a fighter.
The doors burst open and the air instantly changes.
Every eye turns to the entrance, where a man clad in a suit walks in with two other men, the scent of wealth and entitlement radiating off them in waves. Sae frowns, slinking closer into the shadows to assess this face he’s seen before.
It hits him like lightning on a stormy night, stirring his soul: this is Maeda Miyaki.
Outlandish as the idea was, he perks up; looks behind the men to see if you would be trailing after them.
As quickly as his hopes arose, it diminishes when he remembers this isn’t your scene anymore. You had passed on the baton of your father’s organization to your closest advisor on his encouragement, putting all of your focus into preparing for your wedding to Maeda-san.
Sae takes a good look at the guy. Your fiance is shorter than him, though his wide shoulders contribute to his stocky frame, giving him an imposing air. Maeda Miyaki has the uncanny ability to suck in the light of any room, and Sae scrutinizes him from head to toe, wondering what you saw in him; why you chose this man over him.
Ignoring the ache in his chest which flares up at the thought of you, Sae settles against the wall, lifting the cold glass of beer to his lips.
“... asked me what lingerie to wear.”
Despite his best efforts at trying not to eavesdrop on the group of men who were seated just a few feet away from him, his ears pricked up at the bastard’s voracious laughter.
“I told her not to worry—I’m g’na tear it all up, anyway.”
One of his lackeys, a hulking man who looks dumber than rocks, guffaws. “All that from an old woman? Why doesn't your wife just ask you?”
Miyaki snorts, shrugs and sticks a white cigarette between his teeth. “Fucking beats me. Daddy’s little girl’s scared of the big sharks.” He drags in a rich inhale, exhaling rings of smoke. “Little girl can’t even look me in the eye. Hope she isn’t this timid in bed.”
Lackey number two snickers. “I ‘eard from someone down the road—little missy had another UFC boytoy before daddy made her settle down.”
This intrigues Maeda, who scrunches his brow. Sae isn’t even pretending not to listen; he wants to know why this fuckwit has your name in his mouth and whether he should stand up and sock him in his smarmy face.
“Oh? Doesn’t surprise me. With how easy the family accepted my proposal. Had my hunch she was a cheap whore.”
One of those dimwits start to laugh, but abruptly stop when glass shatters on one of their heads, the man toppling to the floor. Maeda jerks up, looking around wildly, cigarette dropping to the sticky ground.
“What the—”
He doesn’t have the time to swear, not when another glass goes flying towards Lackey Two, taking out the meathead who crumples to the ground like a woman’s lacy thong.
“Fuck,” Miyaki whirls around, and barely has time to flinch when a fist is thrown right into his face.
One precise punch, and he falls to the ground, too.
Oliver returns back from his shit to find the dance floor swarming with men forming a ring. His stomach drops to his toes when he sees it's the exact same spot he had left Sae in just minutes ago. Pushing past the hulking bodies and ignoring the stench of alcohol burning his nose, he finds his friend engaged in a three-to-one fight, blood dripping down his bared teeth.
Swearing loudly, he breaks through the circle, hands raised and voice booming above the chants and hollers.
“Hold up! Hold up! Stop this!”
He narrowly misses a punch to the face, side stepping. A flurry of red hair sweeps past, fists pummeling on a huge man whose entire right eye was swollen.
“Oi—Sae!”
Someone tackles him to the ground, and he catches a fist to his sternum, locking the arm to the ground and kneeing the other man in the belly. The asshole howls, and he’s surprised to see a face from the news—Maeda Mikayki breathing hard over him.
“I’ll kill you both!”
More men join the fray. Someone drags Maeda off from him, and hustles him to his feet. He’s pushed past the crowd, almost stumbling on his tied laces.
“Hands off!” he snarls, but the men in black drag him by the back of his hoodie, pushing open the door.
Hard asphalt fills his mouth with blood and tar, and Oliver spits out the wad of blood, checking for any broken teeth with the tip of his tongue.
Grunts trail behind him, and he sees four more lumps ruthlessly disposed of out of the club, Sae and Maeda and his goons groaning and struggling to their feet.
Quickly, he grabs Sae by the back of his shirt, hauling him up to his feet and hurrying the asshole down a dimly lit alleyway.
“—this side!” One of the goons yells.
Aiku presses them both flat against the wall, trying hard to breathe past his bloody nose.
Once the sound of boots pounds away, he sags onto the ground, taking a moment to catch his breath.
“I could’ve ended them.”
He gapes, staring up at the fucker who got him into this mess in the first place; Sae was livid, nostrils flared, blood freely dripping onto the front of his shirt.
“They fucking spoke about my girl. No one talks about her like that.”
Aiku gets to his feet, easily towers over the other man and grips his shoulders, trying to stop himself from slamming this asshole face first into the dirty brick wall.
“You stupid ass,” he hisses, spit flying into the other man’s face. “That was Maeda, you fucking shit stain. He’s a big fish. Why’d the fuck you do this to us when we just got free from them? You could’ve destroyed all our plans!”
Equally as hot-headed, Sae pushes Aiku’s hands off him, trying to get him off his case.
“He made fun of my woman,” those stupid teal eyes were blazing with a terrifying rage. “No one talks shit about her—not even her fucking fiance.”
Oliver groans, slapping a hand to his forehead and dragging it through his scruffy hair. “Don’t tell me you tried to play a fucking white knight. You stupid piece of shit. He’s gonna bury us six feet under.”
“I’ll murk him if he tries,” Sae seethes. “I’ll wring him with my bare fists. No one—no fucking one—is allowed to speak about her that way.”
Dragging in deep breaths, Oliver finally gets his head straight.
Sure, Maeda was a top dogs’ son, but that’s all he is—a fighting legacy. He doesn’t have a team; hasn’t even stepped foot in a ring before. Besides his wealth and connections, he’s a useless stain on his father’s conscience. A man like that would never approach a seasoned underground fighter without backup.
“Just in case, I’m gonna move our operations somewhere else so he doesn’t come after us. We gotta protect the other boys, Sae.”
The red fog clouding Sae’s mind cools over and he plants his hands onto his knees, breathing in deeply.
“No need. We outnumber them and we’re free from their shackles, Oli. They can’t touch us unless they want trouble. Besides,” Sae turns grim. “They were in our territory. Maeda crosses past Odaiba. They’re not supposed to be here unless they want a good beating.”
Sae’s words made sense. Oliver inhales in deeply, wishing he hadn’t kicked his nicotine addiction to the curb. He could do with a stick—or ten. This motherfucker was gonna age him five years older in the span of a single night.
“You better hope your girl is as sweet on you as you are on her." Dragging in a heaving breath, Oliver pierces him to the spot with one, shattering glare.
"Because she’s the only thing keeping Maeda from turning our guts inside out.”
The day was dull, floating past without any sort of stimulant which would make it interesting.
Sae was no longer needed to train and he made himself useful by observing the younger boys during their drills. Correcting their stance and their forms, he hummed, wiping a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. Summer was upon them, and the days were growing warmer.
It had been a month since his fight with Rin, and his injuries were healing nicely, minus of course, that night he jumped Maeda Miyaki. But, since the spat, he hasn’t heard a peep from the Miyaki boy, and it was probably in thanks to you. There was no need for Oliver to move the operations or keep a high alert in case someone burned his gym down; everything on the other side of the fighting world barely affected them.
She must’ve managed to calm him down.
A part of him wondered what the fuck you saw in Maeda. He was pig-headed, disgusting and a fucking woman hater on top of it. Sae had half a mind to track you down and shake you till you came to your senses.
He had heard from the grapevine how that Maeda scumbag proposed to you.
Word on the street was that he had sent you three engagement rings to choose from, packaged perfectly in neat velvet boxes. If you refused his proposal, he had asked for the rings to be given back with cash on delivery to save his troubles.
How terribly unromantic.
Sae wanted to pretend that he hadn't stopped in front of the local jewelry store every time he walked out to buy groceries, wondering which type of ring you chose; which one would be perfect for you.
“Itoshi-san?”
He was shaken out of his reverie by a young, nervous looking fighter entering the gym.
“Hmm?”
“You have a visitor,” he stumbled, catching Oliver’s attention. The other man was busy looking through his records when the young fighter’s words piqued his interest.
Every man turned their eyes to the entrance, and Sae felt like someone had punched his gut.
There, standing with your hands clasped in front of you, looking like a goddess gracing unworthy mortals with her presence, you shone, blinding him.
As if drawn by a magnet, you lifted your eyes and met his own. Your gaze widened, mouth falling imperceptibly open.
Sae’s attention narrowed on you. He barely noticed the others; they melted to background noise and static when he drank in the sight of you. Someone clapped his shoulder, but he ignored them to drink you in.
The simple cotton sundress you wore highlighted your curves, and your hair was neat and sleek. You looked as healthy as he remembered, and it sent a wave of both relief and regret when your vitality was shadowed by a flicker of fear passing your wide-eyed gaze.
Oliver was the one who greeted you, breaking the sudden tension with his warm and welcoming words.
You shook your head slightly, laughing at something he said. Sae watched, hungry and unabashed as you turned on your heel, walking with Oliver into his office. His feet moved forward before he could stop them, taking him into the enclosed space.
Two pairs of eyes landed on him when he entered.
Oliver shifted from one foot to another when you nor Sae uttered a word.
Eventually, he barked a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think I forgot something in the pantry. Y/N, Sae will handle any concerns you have. I’ll be back.”
He barely noticed his oldest friend walking out of the room, teal eyes latched unwaveringly on you.
When the door closed, it felt like he could breathe yet was choking at the same time.
You laced your hands together, staring at them. Sae swallowed heavily.
“Y/N—”
“Sae—”
The both of you stuttered into a fleeting silence, waiting for the other to go first. When you didn’t speak, he took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” he exhaled, the words burning his lips. “I didn’t mean to hurt you that night. I was overwhelmed, and scared and it was no excuse for what I did. Please… forgive me?”
Sae struggled to voice out his emotions, and he was sure he sounded like an idiot with his awkward words and even more exasperating countenance. But, you didn’t comment on his clumsy apology, hanging your head forward.
“I’m sorry, too,” you mumbled, and he opened his mouth, about to deflect your selflessness when you lifted your teary eyes to pin him to the spot.
Sae was striding towards you before he could stop himself, and you didn’t resist when he swept you into his arms.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he whispered, thanking whatever shitty deity above that he could hold you again. “It’s me who was at fault. Don’t feel sorry.”
“I’m engaged,” you mumbled into his shoulder, and he squeezed you tighter to him, willing the pain from your words to subside.
“I know.”
“I didn’t choose this.”
He pulled back slightly to look at you, curiosity heavy on the tip of his tongue. Your beautiful eyes were red-rimmed, and Sae believed he’s never seen you look this ethereal before.
“My father sort of forced us into this marriage,” you confessed, as if you were waiting for countless years to tell another soul this burdensome truth.
Sae nodded, dumbfounded. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ears, unable to resist running the back of his bruised knuckles down your cheek. You craned yourself further into his touch, a sticky sigh of longing slipping past your defenseless lips.
“It’s best if you don’t marry Miyaki-kun.” He was surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded. “He’s a piece of shit—”
“I know,” you took him by surprise, looking him right in the eye when you said, “I heard how you defended my honor in that bar. I… thank you.”
Sae grips your cheek a little harder, not wanting to hurt you, but also needing you to understand the depth of his concern for you.
“I would do it all over again. You don’t deserve anyone speaking like that about you.”
You fell silent for a single moment, pretty eyes lost in your thoughts. Sae wants to ask what’s troubling you, when the next question you exhale stuns him into a disquiet.
“Sae, I… I need to know…” You faltered and gathered your bravery to voice out this simple, yet vulnerable question:
“Do you love me?”
Your glossy eyes were pinned onto him, watching his every expression. Sae felt like someone had reached inside his gut to twist and squeeze his heart. He buys some time to answer, darting his eyes to the ground and licking his lips.
“Y/N… you know we’re from different worlds…”
Your eyes widened, the heartache behind them breaking his own heart. “It shouldn’t matter, Sae. I have always seen you as my equal,” you persisted.
Sae suddenly felt like a ton of spotlights were on him. His mind was blaring warning signs, and every fiber in his body was telling him to retreat. But, something held him firmly to the spot. Your depthless stare dug into his soul, waiting for his answer. Your cheek burns hotly in his palm.
His tongue heavily relinquished his defenses. “You won’t be happy with me… I can’t give you three diamond rings like Miyaki-kun can. I’m a lesser man compared to him.”
You grip onto his hand holding your cheek, keeping it there. “And do you think you don’t deserve to be loved because of this?” Your shock and agony seared through him as if it were his own.
“Because it’s not true. I love you, Sae. I love you so much, I don’t care about status or money. I love you so much that if you tell me to go now and marry another man, I will. But, I need to know first—do you love me?”
“I—” He lost his courage, taking one step back. The loss of your body heat against his felt like someone ripping the sun out of the fucking sky. He was cold all over, trembling from head to toe.
If he were a lesser, cowardly man, he would’ve tried to run by now.
“Itoshi Sae,” your voice kicked up an octave, and those tears broke free, spilling down your cheeks. “You’re a cruel, cruel man, you know that?”
He wants to reach out to you, wipe the tears away. His bloodless lips move, quietly asking, “Why would you say that?” filling the frigid abyss separating you two apart.
Your anguish becomes his own, searing through his chest.
“Because, you give me hope. And hope is a cruel thing if you don’t intend to make it come true.” Taking one step closer to him, your scent drowns him in waves of longing, and he wants nothing more than to inhale you until you’re one with his body.
“If you don’t love me, you—you need to say it right to my face.” His sweet, brave girl. Sae wants to kiss you so badly, he can’t stop looking at your lips, then your lovely eyes—eyes which held an unquantifiable amount of love just for him. “You have to tell me that I am completely going to be separated from you—that you don’t love me like I love you.”
There. It’s out in the open.
But, strangely, those three words coming from you don’t scare him.
It’s all the love in this world that he doesn’t deserve.
“I’m a poor man...”
“Do you love me?” Your breathing hitched, tears leaking past the corners of your eyes. Your heart felt like it could tear in two from the look of pure despair on his face. “Please, Sae… please tell me if I am truly alone in this.”
For a split second, neither of you spoke. The air was suppressed with tension; the entire office feeling too hot and yet cold.
The cracks of your disbelief melted into begrudging acceptance. Sae could count the stars dying in your eyes—how your hopes in him were diminishing as the embers of your devotion were flickered out by his perceived unreciprocated feelings.
He reached out for you, grazing the back of your hand with his fingers. Your skin was cold to the touch, your gaze growing even more colder.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, hanging your head forward. You took one step away from him. “I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
Your voice broke on the last word, and Sae stood, rooted to the spot. Watching you leave him for the second time.
Before he could overthink it, he blurted the first thing that came into his mind.
“I’m an orphan.” The weight of the world crushes his shoulders. He almost sobbed, as if that truth alone was enough to dissuade your love.
“I ran away when I was eleven and left my brother behind. I pushed him away because I was so embarrassed of how I couldn’t take care of him—how much he starved under my care. I couldn’t protect him. I was useless. I don’t have an education. I’ve never… I’ve never lived in one place long enough to call it home. I am a coward. I—” his voice broke, and tore his gaze towards the ground before raising his eyes once more to meet yours, the anguish in those teal eyes breaking your heart. “I’m vile. I’ve hurt other men. I’ve hurt my own brother—”
“I don’t care!”
You were fervent when you rushed towards him, standing chest-to-chest with a wounded man hellbent on pushing away everything good in his life.
None of it mattered to you. Itoshi Sae was yours the second he entered your life and you wanted him forever.
“You did the best you could with what you had, Sae. You were a child.” You had one hand on his arm, encouraging him to look at you—to witness your sincerity and vulnerability. “You were forced into this life and no one told you otherwise. You were exploited when you should’ve been protected. You don’t have to do everything on your own—you don’t have to be alone. I’m here. If you can’t protect Rin, I will help you protect him. If you feel afraid, I will be there to tell you it’s all okay. I’m here, Sae. You’re not alone anymore.”
You faltered in your stance, heart on your sleeve and hope on your tongue when you asked him again, in a soft voice.
“So, please. Don’t keep me in the dark anymore. Don’t push me away.”
Sae could only stare at you with sick yearning in those beautiful teal eyes. You tasted his surrender, the cracks in his facade. Your touch on his cheek nearly made him moan in longing.
Your breathy whisper hit him like the force of a thousand and one bricks—the question no more terrifying to him than a luminous ray of moonlight breaking across a serene lake. Finally opening his eyes to his own truth.
“Sae.” Oh, how sweet it was to hear his name on your lips. His brimming teal eyes latched onto those plush, flesh-toned pillows, and then back again into your clear, determined and beautiful eyes.
As if a huge weight was hurtling down his shoulders, he met you in the middle, gripping your face in his unyielding grip.
He doubled forward, as if someone had punched him in the gut. You caught him, meeting his surrender halfway.
And after twenty over years of repressing his heart, the dam finally broke.
“I love you.”
He wept. “I love you with every fucking beat of my heart. From the moment you came into my life, looking so—so damn beautiful even in a fucking ramen shop, when you read my favorite book out to me. I’ve… I’ve never known—” he shuddered as if admitting his deepest secret. His wet, brilliant aquamarine eyes seemed to devour yours with unabashed yearning, love and fear.
“I’ve never known a home until I met you.”
Sae was sobbing, and so were you; huge relieved heaves which echoed around this dreary office. Your arms were an anchor around his taller frame, and you held him with such tenderness, Sae was sure he would disintegrate from such gentleness.
You carded your fingers through his hair, kissing his neck, his collarbone, his cheek. Finally, you reached his lips, and Sae poured his entire longing into that single kiss, afraid that if he opened his eyes, you would disappear.
But, you never let him go. Your fingers twined his hair, holding him tight to you. Your kisses taste like heaven reincarnated, and Sae wondered how he went this long without it.
The slot of your plush lips in between his yielded to a few inches apart, close enough that he could still breathe you in, but enough of a distance for a single, silvery strand of spit to connect both your lips together.
Sae broke it by pressing another kiss to your waiting mouth, melting into your embrace. Your touch was the sweetest balm, healing and restoring him after an eternity of endless horrors.
“You were right,” he mumbled in a thick voice, hiding his face in your shoulder like a terrified boy unable to face the truth. “You were right about everything. How heartless I am. I’m a monster—”
“Ssh,” you touched your forehead to his and he wished he could nuzzle in your warmth for an eternity. “You’re not a monster, Sae. You don’t have to be forced in this life anymore. We can make it a better one—together.”
Of all the love stories and sweet words he had devoured in his life, nothing could compare to the notion of ‘together’ with you.
He would’ve pressed you to the desk and took you there and then, but someone clearing their throat by the doorway gave you both pause.
Oliver, red in the face, shot an apologetic smile. “Um… before you two get at it… I left my notebook here.” He scurried to grab it, whispering a not-so-quiet “nice, Sae!” at his best friend and running away before the other man could club him on the head.
His mood untouched by Oliver’s interruption, Sae picked up your left hand, studying the obnoxious diamond ring adorning your finger. “What kind of fucking asshole sends a woman three pops and not even know what she likes?” He tsked, and your heart skipped a beat when he tugged the offensive band off.
You wanted to scold him, but found yourself grinning widely instead. “Sae—”
“I’ll buy you a new one,” he promised, tossing that fuckwit’s band onto the desk. “And I’ll work my ass off to give you a home, baby—you know I will.”
“And my dad?” You hummed, cupping his face in your hands, smiling softly and beautifully. “What will you say to him?”
Sae was not a man for flowery words—or even any expressive words at all. But, he found them flowing effortlessly when it came to you, his entire heart offered to the woman who had put her name on it from the very first day.
“I’ll tell him that I fell in love with his daughter and I want to marry her right this instant,” he twined his arms around your waist, drunk off your giddy grin. “And I’ll tell him that I don’t have much money, but I have grit, and I can make a home for her—for our family.”
More tears clouded your eyes. “Family?”
He nodded, smiling softly. “You, me and a little squirt with my nose and your pretty eyes. Sounds perfect, hmm?”
The reality was scary; real life was filled with obstacles and challenges. But, with Sae beside you, you found that you could weather through any storm coming your way because he was the one meant to do it.
You were his home and his dream.
He didn’t have to save love stories from the bin anymore—save his happy ending—because it was right here in his arms.
Boy meets girl, they fall in love; they lose one another, and boy discovers he can’t live without the girl for another second.
Happy endings never followed a straight line; it ebbed and flowed like a river. But, no matter the twists and turns, fate would always find a way to bring what was meant to be back together again.
And so, the boy and girl lived happily, imperfectly ever after.
Forever.
THE END.
a/n. omggg i can't believe this is over frrrr 😭 when i started this series, i was honestly thinking of how fucked up it would be for rin and sae to actually fight each other (considering how they're always so close to beating each other up in canon hhshhd) and this idea kinda just went .... EVERYWHERE. i honestly enjoyed writing sae in this (peep the bridgerton ref at the end 👀) and im stoked to see what other ideas i can come up for him in the future because he's just SO fun to write for.
anyway, i hope you loved this little mini series, and don't forget to reblog and share your feedback as it keeps my little heart v happy and the creative juices going <3
©️ all works belong to lalunanymph. do not copy, repost or claim as your own.
#🦢 writes#sae itoshi x reader#itoshi sae#sae x you#sae x reader#blue lock#sae smut#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#blue lock smut#series: sucker punch#🥊 — bllk ufc verse
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