#i tried to stop bc meredith left but she was back in the finale and i just !!!!! love it!!!!

[moonstonediaz]

the finale of grey’s anatomy…….ok wow

[doc-pickles]

squeeze cheese, pandemics, & you

AKA the pandemic fic that literally everyone asked for

i still cannot believe that i actually wrote this BUT soooo many people asked me for a freaking pandemic fic that i wrote it. it’s crazy, a little messy, and the sass radiating from levi schmitt fuels my cold dead heart.

i’d like to personally thank @odd-birds-and-booksellers @kidneys4karev @choosingmywife and Nat AKA the “jolex mass grave” chat that bullied me into doing this. they’re also the heart and soul of ‘pandemic jo’ and really brought her and her mannerisms to life. cheers to you ladies, this fic is for you!!

and now... without further ado... the pandemic fic that i wrote most of at 10 pm while slightly tipsy (BONUS POINTS: it’s also another fix it fic bc i am traaaaash hehehe)

“Why do we have a nacho cheese dispenser?”

Jo looked up from her place on the couch, eyeing Levi as he stared at the new machinery in the kitchen. She turned her attention back to the soap opera on TV before answering him. 

“Are you complaining?”

“No but-”

“Exactly.” 

Settling back into the couch, Jo grabbed the bowl of apples that she had covered in nacho cheese earlier. She had developed a nasty online shopping habit since being in lockdown, but figured since she had sold off a good chunk of Alex’s belongings that she deserved to treat herself. 

Worried sick that any exposure to the hospital or any of it’s doctors would harm her, Jo had been on a strict self-quarantine since March. Levi, having to choose between his job or place to live, was forced to reside with Jo full time. The past few weeks had been tough on both roommates, but their bond had been strong regardless of their arguments.

“I’m kind of concerned about your online shopping habit,” Levi sat on the other end of the couch from Jo, a plate of nachos in hand. “Between the nacho cheese machine and the ball pit, I have some questions about the vibe you’re trying to create here.”

“Hey I’ve never had a place to myself. I want to have fun! Let loose! Besides in a few months I’ll have to take care of someone else,” Jo patted her small baby bump affectionately. “I’m trying to be a cool mom and the ball pit was the first step.”

Ah yes, Jo’s unexpected pregnancy and the reason she was so paranoid about staying isolated. Three weeks after Alex had officially left, Jo had realized that he left her much more than just hospital shares and their loft. Four home tests later and a shoe thrown across the loft at Levi (“I’m just telling you Jo, false positives are really ra- OW!”) Jo had indeed confirmed her earlier suspicions. 

“Well… for your sanity’s sake, I hope your online shopping doesn’t go completely off the rails,” a knock on the door interrupted Levi’s sentence, his eyes trailing to Jo accusingly. “If that’s another Amazon package, you’re going to have some explaining to do.” “Actually, it’s something even better,” Jo rolled her eyes, standing from the couch and grabbing what had been dropped on the doorstep. “It’s takeout! From the Italian place downtown with the really good spicy meatballs! It’s important that we support small businesses during these trying times.” “You sound like a walking capitalism ad,” Levi groaned, moving from the couch to the dining table and sitting across from Jo. “But if it keeps me well fed I can’t complain about that. Oh please tell me you’re not- yup that is squeeze cheese on the meatballs. That’s not right.”

+ “Hey have you seen- Ow! Why the hell did I just sit on knitting needles,” Levi held up the items in question as he stared down Jo. “Are you an 85 year old woman? When and why did you take up knitting?” “So I can make baby sweaters, duh,” Jo rolled her eyes and bit into her toast. “I’m not that great at it yet, but Helen has been teaching me over Skype. She’s an expert, she helped me make a baby hat but it’ll probably fit a baby doll before an actual human baby.”

“Okay wow, umm so many questions,” Levi pulled a chair over to where Jo was sitting, staring at her quizzically before jumping into his questions. “First, what is on your toast? Secondly, Helen as in your ex mother in law? And third, why are you sitting in the ball pit wearing a bucket hat and a bathing suit top?”

To his credit, Levi was asking sensible questions to Jo. She was indeed sitting in the ball pit she had bought online, eating a piece of toast with some questionable toppings and wearing an old pair of Alex’s boxers and a bikini top, a Seattle Seahawks bucket hat thrown carelessly on her head. 

“The toast is nutella, swiss cheese, and strawberry jam, it’s like the trailer trash version of what you get at fondue places,” Jo took another bite as if to emphasize her point. “The bathing suit top is because my boobs are huge and won’t fit into my regular bras. Also my baby bump is growing larger by the day so I can’t fit into anything but sweatpants, but it’s way too hot in here for that. The bucket hat is because I was tired of staring at my unwashed hair in the mirror. And yes, Helen and I have become quite good friends and Skype every Tuesday while you go outside to call Helm for an hour and collect hospital gossip. She’s very excited she’s getting another grandchild and has begged me to come and visit once I bear the heir to the Karev name.” 

“So you’re keeping your last name? And passing it onto the baby?”

Jo had spent many nights thinking long and hard about what to do with her last name. She had finally decided to change it but when she had found out she was pregnant, she knew that Alex’s side of the family would be the only real family her child would have. And after crying about it over Skype with her former mother in law, Helen had reassured Jo that she would be more than proud if she and her unborn child carried on the Karev name. 

“Yes we’re both going to be Karev’s,” Jo sighed, hand coming down to her bare bump. “I don’t need to explain my decisions to you Levi.”

“Well I’m assuming that if you’re going to be staying a Karev that you’re going to tell Alex?”

Not wanting to answer Levi’s very direct question, Jo began to pelt him with the balls from the ball pit until he walked away towards the kitchen. Jo knew that she should pick up the phone and call Alex, that he had already missed so much of his other children growing up that he deserved to be there for everything for this one. But Jo was still angry and upset at Alex for leaving her alone. If he was still here, he’d probably be sitting in the ball pit with her, cracking jokes about her inability to knit. 

But he wasn’t, Alex was halfway across the country and Jo couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone and hear her husband's voice. 

+

“For the last time Levi, I do not need anything from you! Stop asking me! And stop texting Meredith every two minutes!”

Jo walked from the couch to the bed, flopping down onto the surface as she let out a loud sigh. It had been eight weeks since she and Levi had been quarantined together, twelve since she had found out she was pregnant, and seventeen since she had actually fallen pregnant. The constant bouts of morning sickness and mood swings in close quarters with her pseudo friend/ roommate had not been easy, but Levi was being a trooper for his part.

“Come on Jo, Meredith just wants to make sure that you’re okay,” Levi pleaded, sinking down into the couch. “Don’t take her over compensating tendencies out on me.”

For her part, Jo understood where Levi was coming from. She knew that Meredith was over protective of her because of what had happened between her and Alex, but it didn’t mean that the situation bothered Jo any less. She was capable of taking care of herself and the life that was growing inside of her, pandemic be damned. 

“Tell Meredith I’m fine and that I’m doing crossword puzzles and going to Zoom therapy sessions once a week,” Jo huffed, hands coming to rest over her eyes as she tried to understand why she had ever thought a one room loft was a good idea. “I don’t need you two hovering over me at all hours of the day.”

A loud banging sounded on the door of the loft, Jo and Levi exchanging looks before Levi scurried to the door to see who was there. The only visitors the two had had in the past few weeks were either Meredith or the grocery delivery guy, neither of which were allowed inside and neither of which pounded their door so loudly.

“Jo! Open the door, I know you’re home,” both Levi and Jo paused at the voice outside the door. Levi, who stood next to the front door, looked to Jo for guidance, but she had no direction to give. “Damn it Jo, open the door. I need to talk to you!” After a nod from Jo, Levi slid the door open, one hand coming up to stop Alex from storming into the loft. The sight of her ex husband for the first time in months made Jo’s stomach flip, her hand coming to cover her mouth so she didn’t scream in shock. 

“Sorry, Jo doesn’t let anyone in the loft anymore,” Alex raised an eyebrow towards Levi, his expression angry and ready to challenge him. “Not even Meredith. There’s a pandemic happening, dude.”

Alex rolled his eyes, trailing them towards Jo who stood nervously in the kitchen now. If you knew her well enough, you could tell that her figure had changed in the past few weeks. Her breasts had filled out and her face was fuller because of the slight amount of weight she had put on. Alex couldn’t see from where he stood, but he assumed that her stomach had begun to curve outwards as well. 

“Jo, I need to talk to you,” Alex wanted so badly to step closer to his ex wife, but he knew that Schmitt would try to stop him no matter what he did. “Mer called me, can we please talk?” Jo peaked around the corner of the kitchen, eyes taking in Alex’s nervous form. His stubble had grown out, his eyes seeming more tired than usual as they scanned over her body. A subconscious hand floated down to her stomach, Jo shielding her unborn baby from the fight that was about to ensue. 

“You can do it from there, Alex,” Jo responded, eyebrows furrowing as she stared Alex down. “You can’t come in unless you’ve quarantined yourself for 14 days and you’ve been tested for COVID-19.”

“Leave it to you to be paranoid during a freaking pandemic,” Alex groaned, one hand coming up to run through his hair. He had driven straight through from Kansas to Washington, only stopping to pee on the side of the road every few hours. “Are you okay? You're…. feeling healthy and what not?” Schmitt, who had been quiet up until then, rolled his eyes in Alex’s direction. After spending every moment of the day with Jo, he knew that the question would piss her off to no end, regardless of who was asking it. He turned to her briefly, noting the pissed off expression on her face, then turned back to Alex.

“Jo is perfectly fine, she has been for the past few months without you,” Levi’s voice was firm and defiant to whatever Alex might counter him with. “And furthermore, I don't think either of us appreciate you showing up here unannounced. We are, may I remind you, in the middle of a pandemic.”

“I’m fine, Alex,” Jo took a step forward, coming further into Alex’s line of sight. Alex’s eyes trailed up and down her body, finally taking in the bump that had appeared on her normally flat stomach. “I do want to talk, I promise, but I can’t risk my health or… or our baby’s health right now. So come back in two weeks and I promise I will talk to you.”

The glare that Alex sends towards Schmitt sends the younger man reeling back, grasping for the door handle as he tries to shut Alex out of the loft. However, the older man’s voice rings through one last time before the door shuts completely. “I’m coming back for you, Jo,” Alex calls out, voice urgent and waiting for his lost love to hear him. “I’m coming back and you can’t stop me.”

Door firmly shut and locked, Levi turned to Jo, who seemed to be brimming with an odd mixture of anger and sadness. She ran her hands through her hair once, finally letting out a scream as she flopped back onto her bed. 

“Well shit,” Jo groaned, hand slipping down the cradle her baby bump. “That’s just about the last thing I needed.”

+

“Did you order breakfast? Because this is delicious.”

Jo stepped out of the bathroom, eyes narrowing as she took in Levi and the huge bag of food in front of him. She hadn’t ordered anything, but since the bag was clearly labeled from her favorite diner, she could only assume where it had come from. 

“Pretty sure you know who sent this,” Jo reached into the bag and grabbed a breakfast burrito, unwrapping it and slathering it in Easy Cheese and hot sauce. “I want to be mad about that, but I really can’t. This is the best thing I’ve eaten in awhile.” 

“It’s been five days, has he said anything to you,” Levi asked, eyes cautiously floating to Jo. While they’d grown closer in quarantine, the one thing that Jo never wanted to talk about was Alex. Now that he was here though, Levi thought that maybe she would be more open about the subject. 

“He’s texted a few times, assured me that he’s staying by himself and that he hasn’t even seen Meredith,” Jo shrugged, one hand coming down to touch her stomach. The once small bump had seemed to balloon in the past week, almost as if her unborn child was trying to show off for their father. “She’s mad at me now, saying that my paranoia is interfering with their friendship. But we haven’t really talked yet.”

To be fair, Alex had been texting Jo a lot since he had showed up at their door and confirmed with his own two eyes that she was pregnant. And if she wasn’t lying straight to Levi’s face currently, she would tell him that she had been texting Alex back. They had talked mostly about the baby, the rest of the world being a subject neither of them wanted to broach. Kansas hadn’t come up either, but Jo had a feeling that maybe everything wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows if Alex hadn’t hesitated in showing up at her door.

“I think it says a lot that he came back, you know,” Levi shrugged as he grabbed a tater tot from the bag and popped it into his mouth. “I mean he said he left for his kids but the first word he hears about you he drives all the way here. That’s a good man for you.” “Well he wouldn’t have had to drive all the way back if he didn’t go there in the first place,” Jo huffed angrily, dropping the rest of her burrito onto the table with a frustrated groan. “I’m going to take a shower.” “You just took one,” Levi countered, a confused look appearing on his face.

“Well unfortunately that’s the only place in this stupid loft that I can sit in silence,” Jo exclaimed, hands coming up in an angry gesture. “If you make it out of here alive it’ll be a miracle, Schmitt.” + “I swear if you don’t back up right now, I’m going to lose my mind!” “Okay but you’re-”

“I told you I’m fine Schmitt, back up!”

The raised voices alarmed Alex as he approached the loft, bringing his keys out to unlock the door instead of knocking. Relieved to find that Jo hadn’t changed the locks, Alex slid the door open and stepped into the loft unnoticed by the bickering roommates.

“I just think if you’re in pain you should go in,” Levi’s hands were held up defensively as he stood in front of Jo. “I’m no expert on pregnancy, but that can’t be a good sign.” “You’re in pain? What’s wrong?” Both Levi and Jo whipped around at the sound of Alex’s voice, the latter holding a hand firmly against her stomach. The glares that she was shooting in his direction didn’t go unnoticed by him, but he brushed it off as he was overwhelmed with worry for Jo. Alex noticed that even in the short time it had been since he had seen her last, Jo’s bump seemed to have grown. 

“You shouldn’t be here. I’m fine,” Jo tried to sound convincing but her voice faltered as she winced. “Seriously I’m okay. Stop looking at me like I’m some shelter puppy that’s about to be put down. I can take care of myself, I’ve been doing it for awhile now. And you need to get out of here, you’ve only been quarantined for like a week.”

Despite her best efforts, Jo had exhausted herself scolding Alex and felt breathless almost immediately. Settling her free hand on the arm of the couch, Jo tried to be inconspicuous as she sat down, but both men next to her were watching her closely. 

“Where does it hurt,” Alex asked as he sat next to Jo, unfazed by her outburst at him. 

“I told you I’m fine!”

“She’s been breathless and clutching her lower right quadrant for about half an hour,” Schmitt offered up, Jo immediately tossing a throw pillow in his direction. “I’m trying to be helpful! You haven’t been in pain this whole entire time.”

“Go be helpful in the bathroom Schmitt! I don’t need both of you hovering around me and I know that he won’t leave,” Jo gestured to Alex vaguely as she took another deep breath, leaning over as she clutched her stomach again. “Go!”

Levi ran off, Jo letting out an aggravated sigh as soon as he left the room. A few tears sprinkled Jo’s cheeks as she rubbed her hand into her stomach. 

“I’m fine I just… can’t catch my breath and my stomach has some localized pain,” Jo didn’t fight Alex off when he placed his palm gently next to hers, his larger hand almost covering her whole bump. “I’m okay, I swear I’m fine. The baby’s fine and it’s okay and nothing is wrong.”

As Jo rambled more, her tears began to fall harder, breaths coming in short gasps as she leaned her head against Alex’s shoulder. Doing his best to comfort and assess her at the same time, Alex rubbed his hand gently against her stomach. A few light kicks met his hand, tears threatening to fall as Alex felt his child move for the first time. Once he was satisfied that Jo had calmed down, he spoke up, sure his crooked grin was showing in full force. 

“Well, you’re not dying,” Alex chuckled, his fingers moving lightly against Jo’s stomach as he explained what she was feeling. “Baby’s lodged up here, in your rib, and when they kick, they knock the air out of your lungs. I can feel their head down here, which means their legs are stretching out and kicking up towards your diaphragm. That’s why you feel so out of breath. If you’re lucky, I can try and coax them out of their tight spot.” 

Jo barely nodded, eyes closed as she continued to lean against Alex and take deep breaths. He moved one hand up to where he felt the baby’s feet and gave a slight push, Jo groaning loudly as they shifted. Alex waited a moment, grinning when he felt a small kick against the lower left side of Jo’s stomach. 

“Oh god,” Jo let a gasp out, eyes flying open as she laid her hand over Alex’s. “Oh, I can breathe again! I haven’t been able to breathe since 2 AM. Jesus that feels so much better.”

Alex took Jo in with a sense of awe, observing all of the changes he had missed about her. She had cut her hair short again, the locks just brushing her shoulders, and her cheeks had filled out more. The way she had eased into her pregnancy made him smile, knowing that she had always had a maternal instinct hidden underneath her hard exterior. Alex eyed the chain across Jo’s neck that held two silver rings, but said nothing about it. 

“Easy trick, just remember that if they get themselves twisted around again. Your OB didn’t show you that,” Alex watched Jo turn her head towards his shoulder, burying her face and mumbling something incoherent. “I can't hear you when you’re hiding your face like that.”

“I haven’t been to my OB,” Jo muttered, eyes focusing on Alex’s hand that still sat under hers. “Not since I confirmed I was pregnant.”

“You’re a doctor, you know better than that,” Alex knew that Jo would never avoid something this important without a reason, so he didn’t go into a full on rant like he wanted to. “Why haven’t you gone in, Jo?” 

“Because I can’t leave the house! I’m so scared that if I leave something will happen to the baby and,” Jo inhaled deeply, her free hand coming up to wipe at her eyes. “This baby is the only thing keeping me sane, it’s the last connection I have to you… and I just can’t risk that. I’ve already hurt too much this year, I don’t need more heartbreak. I’m a doctor, I’ll know if something is wrong and I can go in then. I’m fine here, I don’t need to leave.”

Alex stared at Jo for a long moment before pulling her fully into his embrace. He knew the way he had left her was cruel, but at the time his brain had been so turned around that he couldn’t see another option than breaking the heart of the woman he loved most. 

“Izzie is remarried. She… her kids call him dad and he’s uh, he’s a good guy. She said that I can bring the kids here for a few weeks during the summer if I wanted to but I don’t belong in Kansas,” Alex pulled back and looked at Jo, tears streaking down her face and wide eyes staring up at him. “I’m sorry Jo, I know I screwed up and I should’ve just talked to you when I found out but I was so freaked out that I just… ran. But I wanna be here, with you and this baby and I wanna take care of you. It’s always been you, Jo.”

Jo sniffled, both hands running over her face quickly in an effort to dry some of her tears. She fixed Alex with a serious stare, eyes meeting his for the first time that day. 

“You have a lot of making up to do. And you’re gonna have to be the one to kick Levi out,” Jo motioned towards the bathroom, where she could hear faint cheers echoing from. “And… if you promise to get me cheesecake afterwards, I will go to see my OB this week.”

“I told you,” Levi strutted out of the bathroom, a satisfied smirk on his face. “That’s a good man you have there.”

“Oh shut up!”

[heroes-trash]

‘the vivisections started to keep me up at night’ (a Claude Rains ramble)

rewatching Claude’s ‘’death’’ scene and

GOD

he’s so nervous and trying so hard to be funny and cool, but all he really does is plead with Noah. he could have RUN AWAY. he knew Noah had orders to kill him and he got into the car with him anyway, to try and convince him to change his perspective, to see reason, to see people with abilities as human and worthy of saving!!!

‘i was hoping for a bit more sympathy.’

all the sarcastic remarks, all the joking about ‘’nicknames’’. all false bravado, all his way of saying what it all leads up to: ‘Evidently I think you’re a better man than they do.’ please, please tell me i’m not wrong.

'It’s not the first time you’ve been told to kill a man, but is it the first time you’ve been told to kill a friend?’ HE STILL THINKS OF HIM AS HIS FRIEND

they’ve been working together for roundabout 8 years according to the timestamps. Claude keeps bringing up Claire, too, but i don’t think it’s just to garner sympathy - he’s genuinely confused how Noah can care so little. but finally, he realizes: ‘That’s why you’re so distant from her. You know you’re gonna turn her in. You’re preparing for it.’

Noah is getting desperate, they keep arguing until Noah’s gun suddenly goes off... and he almost looks more surprised than Claude. but he quickly steels his resolve and fires again, although he’s clearly more conflicted than ever; ‘Why coulnd’t you just --!’ he bites out fruitlessly, his entire face one big frown, as he fires the second shot. then, as Claude flickers into invisibility and falls over the railing, Noah fires several more shots, just wanting it over with already, just wanting guilt to stop looking him in the face.

it really looks like Claude couldn’t possibly have survived, with a drop like that and at least two bullets in his lung if not heart. but as we all know he had, and after wandering about aimlessly for the coming 7 years (and killing... god knows how many agents who accidentally stumbled upon him, as he seems to hint at Peter??), his brief mix-up with our favorite empath and the past coming back to haunt him - he resolves to go see his family.

and here’s where Theory Time comes in, because canon purposefully leaves it ambiguous whether Abigail is his daughter or niece, only that he knows + is fond of her mum, and that she can describe their relationship in a ‘he’s my --’ type sentence [for everyone who hasn’t read the comics, yes that’s literally how it goes]. but whichever you’re leaning towards (niece, me, bc if he was in any long-term-ish relationship, surely the Company would’ve known??) - don’t you think it was possible that it was either Abigail or her mother that he was saving, back then? and Abigail seems to be about Claire’s age.... who knows! who knows! but my personal theory is that he was trying to save Abigail’s mum, but the Company got her eventually and killed her. either that, OR she’s a normie and the Company noticed Abigail and so she entrusted her to Claude to keep her safe / hide her away. there’s never an explanation given as to why the mum isn’t at their hide-out, after all, so it could easily be either.

..in any case though.

was prompted me to make this post was rewatching his ‘death’ and realizing just how trusting he was before Noah betrayed that trust so badly. he might act glib and sarcastic even then, but nowhere nearly as much as he did around Peter. he was genuinely nice to Noah, he trusted him with his life, called him his friend.

he expressed the occasional doubt in the Company (very subtle but there in the rooftop scene, Noah is convinced they would’ve been warned of Meredith’s power had their superiors known... Claude evidently isn’t quite as sure), in the comics he actually tried to help a powered person escape before - and he clearly has some past, making up a fake identity even the Company can’t uncover the real one behind. but he tried his very best to be a good agent, and i think the quote i picked for a title here really says a lot about him:

‘Sorry, i know we’re serving the Greater Good, but the vivisections started to keep me up at night.’

i mean,, we can’t even be sure if that was a sarcastic or a genuine ‘sorry’. is he bitching at Noah? somehow, i think he’s not. i think he’s sorry that he doesn’t believe in the Company anymore!! he didn’t want it to come to this either, but over time, he just couldn’t ignore the horrors anymore. (and his family might or might not have gotten involved but that’s for the theory corner again.)

but he still had some trust left... in his partner of eight years, his FRIEND. and even that was betrayed.

is it really surprising at all how he turned out?

[worldevoured]

miscellany on katheryn hawke  ( a collection of older text posts )

re: religion —

katheryn is an atheist – at least in theory? in her view, if there is a maker, and he abandoned his own people, then she doesn’t want a damned thing from him anyway. and sometimes she thinks that there is a maker and he has turned their back on them and she’d like very much to march into the golden city and give him hell. she stops believing when she’s fairly young – around the first time she hears a templar refer to magic as evil, and looks at bethany and thinks that nothing she does could ever be evil – and losing carver only makes it that much worse. [ original post ]

re: her siblings —

1. there are a few things that can really drain katheryn of any self-control she has. bethany being taken hostage is one of them.

# (someone remind me to yell abt this later bc kat goes a little bananas any time bethany is threatened) # (she has to be physically held back from striking meredith when meredith threatens her) # ('you have a sister in the circle' says meredith) # ('stop it' say anders and aveline in unison as they each grab one of kat's arms and restrain her) [ original post ] 

2. hi here’s your daily reminder that katheryn hawke misses carver every single day and that the day she lost him was the absolute worst day of her life and that she would do anything to have her little brother back

# (carver was kat's favorite and k&c were close and kat would have gone to ostagar with carver whether or not leandra asked) # (kat thinks about carver all the time and she misses him constantly !!!) [ original post ]

3. the first and only time that kat goes into a chantry to pray in her adult life, it’s when they arrive at kirkwall, and kat goes to try and pray for carver because she’s desperate to believe that there’s some kind of loving god who took her brother to his side. it’s the one time that kat, as an atheist, wants so badly to believe in something. she sits in the chantry and she stares ahead of her and she tries to pray but she can’t find anything to say that doesn’t come down to how could you take him away from me and why the fuck wasn’t it me instead and when she finally does manage to make a sound it’s just to weep, legs bent and close to her chest and face buried in her knees. 

# (and she hates that they don't have anything of carver's !!! it makes her fucking miserable !!! she wishes so much she had anything of his) [ original post ]

re: gamlen —

after leandra’s death, kat visits her uncle on a weekly basis, at the very least. she invites him, regularly, to move in with her – they have plenty of room at the house, and it seems silly to leave it all empty. gamlen is always too proud to accept it, but it doesn’t stop her from asking. she also meets him at the hanged man semi-regularly for cards and to buy him a drink. when she visits at the beginning of act three, and he says that malcolm produced an incredible daughter, and that she’s the only family he has left, she flings her arms around him and hugs him as tightly as she can.

    when she goes on the run, she stops to say goodbye to him – it’s dangerous, but she can’t leave without telling him that she loves him, and she’s sorry to go, and that she’s so grateful to have had these years to get to know him. and before she leaves, she shoves the key to the mansion into his hand, and insists that someone needs to keep the house in order while she’s gone.

    the visits are much fewer and farther between after that, but she writes regularly. and when she can, she comes by – always disguised, always grateful for whatever little time she has with him.

# (kat does love gamlen a lot and i wish i wish i wish we got to explore more of the gamlen & hawke dynamic in-game) # (she also eventually names a dog after him – and bc she's fereldan to her core he accepts that as the compliment it is) [ original post ]

re: happy endings —

the happy ending kat deserves is for her to settle into a little cottage in the brecilian forest with anders and bethany and a whole slew of cats, where she tries to grow a garden and the only plants she’s allowed to be in charge of are the tomatoes, because no one really cares for the tomatoes that much. so it doesn’t matter that kat is not skilled at growing things. she does, however, refuse to quit, and eventually anders, feeling bad for how hard she’s working just to get tiny little withered plants, starts sneaking out at night to give the plants a little nudge.

    kat never figures it out. it makes her ridiculously happy to think she can at least grow tomatoes. but she’s mostly in charge of the hunting.

# (listen there's not a doubt in my mind that kat and co end up leading camps of rebel mages and taking care of people post-rebellion) # (but she also deserves to retire to a little cottage in a dangerous forest that's haunted as fuck) [ original post ]

re: legacy —

remember how i said kat regrets bringing anders? i wasn’t kidding !! when justice breaks loose, she tries to calm him down - by addressing justice himself, not anders - and she refuses to fight him. she’ll kill the shades he summons, but she will not lift a hand against him. bethany has to freeze him, and fenris knocks him out. kat’s pretty useless against him lol. she mostly walks holding his hand and worrying about him. she has a lot of nightmares after this related specifically to hearing anders in that much pain. she’s never heard that before and it really, really fucks with her.

     the first time kat hears malcolm’s voice, she cries. she actually stops, and she just weeps. bethany is able to calm her, but despite everything, hearing her father again is the best thing she’s felt in a long, long time. she’s worried at first that learning what happened is going to change her perception of malcolm, but it just makes her admire him more. bethany telling kat that she’s a lot like malcolm is also the best compliment she’s ever heard. it makes her lonelier - she misses bethany so much, and she’d do anything to have her sister back.

     kat uses hawke’s key from there on out. she never leaves home without it. this also marks the moment when she starts introducing more ‘hawke’ into the mansion - it’s the amell estate, and there’s barely a sign of the hawke line there. she emphasizes that, and she really throws it into everyone’s face: she’s the daughter of an apostate. she has magic in her blood, even if she isn’t a mage herself. she is a hawke, not an amell. [ original post ]

[theconfusedartist]

hm

there’s this idea that popped on my tongue, and it kinda has to do with villians/anti-heroes. so like, most of the stories i’ve seen nowadays usually have the hero be purely good or the ‘hero’ a terrible person that shouldn’t be the good guy, but for some reason is framed that way, and some of the best villians i have seen either are cruel because it’s something inborn with them (cersei, joffery, just the entire targeyean and lannister family lines) or they do what they do because they feel like they have something to prove (the queen from snow white, loghain in dragon age, meredith in 2, saren in mass effect) they have some stake in the chaos that they’re causing and it’s to protect/save or prove their points

so i had this idea, after playing through a lot of the soul calibur 5 story and remembering vividly why i hated the story mode in that game and why i used to be able to rant about it for hours on end even though i’d only played through it once, and most of my time was spent just playing the arcade mode, which held up to the soul calibur 4 prequel. potrokolos is the main character, following his line of justice, that just so happens to mean that he’s going around mass murdering innocent people. his only purpose is to find his sister and he lets himself do whatever anyone tells him bc he ‘doesn’t have a strong will’. honestly, i hated every minute and i felt icky with every match that i won playing his character, but the thing is. i realized that like, potrokolos is a character cookie cutter hero, down to his core. he follows justice (or at least what he perceives it to be) to the very law and as he goes further in the journey the fact stares him in the face that he’s a terrible fucking person and it just made me think of playing all those games. the ones that i listed in the above paragraph. I hated potrokolos with the same intensity i had for meredith, denarius, and petrice and so i handled it the bloody violent way, as one does in an rpg. 

just because you have a hero that ‘follows the law’ it doesn’t make them good, and breaking the laws don’t make a person inherently reprehensible. the way i went about in games, killing anything that came in my path without bothering to think about them as people and more as targets, that was essentially what ‘vilians’ do that makes them so terrible, because the people that they think are a reasonable loss or that they think are expendable, are at their core forcing their will onto someone else based on their world views

and the hero that i wanted to write, i didn’t want to make her any different than any other character that i’d make a hero, gave her friends, family, and connections and then i thought to myself, “what is something that makes me consider someone to be evil?”

which was a tricky question, because people can grow, learn, change and repent for their ways, people have the choice to make their bad decisions and keep making them, so what is it about villains that i would consider inherently evil? 

well, dehumanizing others and forcing your will on people who are in a tough position because you know you can get away with it. that’s what i consider evil. to do inhumane things to others or to allow it to continue when you have the absolute power to do something about it

then this ‘hero’ would have to do that. and for potrokolos, it was his intense hatred for the malfested, for loghain it was his lack of care for the lives he sold into slavery, and meredith who allowed rampant abuse on the people under her watch and even participating and encouraging it. these are all things that i consider inherently evil things and thus why i hate those characters so much, but in the same vein, when i was faced to play through dragon age origins and the architect appeared, i didn’t feel bad about killing the architect, who could’ve stopped the blights, who could’ve fixed things. while he does pose a threat, in that same vein, is that not a choice to force your will on others, to doom an entire race to no possibility of ever improving or changing. like killing the geth/quarians, or choosing to lead the krogan to extinction, you’re forcing your will on others but this is something that the ‘hero’ can do. and the fact that they choose not to or they do give into the call of something else, it’s the choice that gives insight onto a person/characters thoughts. 

and now, with all the rambly shit out of the way, i’m gonna talk about the ‘heroine’

i want her character traits to be all things that i love in characters; a silver tongue, the ability to laugh off a bad situation, mischievousness, and curiosity. she comes from a common family, with no real prestige to her family name, but she goes out in the world in the name of adventure and glory, like all other heros do. 

she hits a snag the first time she tries to make it out on her own, and returns home much earlier than anticipated, but with a lifelong friend in the making. a young girl who had been running from the beasts that had killed her town and set it aflame she brings back with her, finding her equal and rival for her intelligence and wit, but was compassionate to all as she never wanted anyone else to be hurt by her actions like she was by those that attacked her. as time goes on, the two live together in a quiet peace, getting stronger and getting to know each other, their friendship and rivalry growing until they get the news, the news that some of the hero’s aunt who had been returning from visiting her had been attacked by the same beasts that had killed her friends town. 

she did what heros do, and ran off to help her aunt, sword raised, and her friend followed behind to try and find a more peaceful solution, money tucked into her furs. they arrive on the scene just in time, or maybe not, as her aunt is attacked, the hero rushes in and before her friend can try to negotiate or look for a peaceful end to the situation, the hero charges in and kills them all for hurting her family. as the hero stands in the pile of corpses, tears gathering at her eyes at the sight of her dead aunt, she falls to her knees, ignoring the other dead bodies that had started to drain of their blood into the ground, and cradles her aunt to her chest, sobbing loudly. 

the hero buries her aunt, not bothering to wonder why the bodies where no longer littered on the ground, just happy that she had her friend by her side through this hard time. they return home only to grab their things, though the hero’s friend is worried and somewhat distant, looking past the hero with a somewhat blank look in her eyes, and says ‘there’s something i need to find...’

the hero grabs her hand and lifts her chin so they’re looking eye to eye with one another, ‘come with me! i can help you find what you’re looking for and you can help me travel! it’s gonna be great fun!’

the heros’ friend looks up, seemingly in the present moment, again with a light blush on her cheeks. “i suppose were going to be together a bit longer then”

and so they travel and have many adventures, but as things go on, frictions increase. the hero hates the beasts, the ones that attacked the hero’s friends town, the race of adnae, and on sight goes to kill them, despite her friend’s ever growing protests to act with peace instead of violence. then they find it, a settlement that they had been to not long ago, sacked by the adnae. as the hero sets off in search of the adnae to strike down, she refuses to listen to her friend who tells her that these aren’t the normal tracks made by adnae. the hero refuses, and keeps going, aggressively taking on anything in her path, and they find adnae, but it’s not what they expect. 

adnae, wearing clothes, treating to the wounded, helping the people in their time of need. the tracks that had been left behind were certainly by the adnae, but they were caravan tracks, wagons, and animals that had been brought to assist rather than harm. the hero storms off in a fit of rage, looking for the ‘real’ adnae who committed the crime, and hunts down a few passing by without her friend, who stuck behind to help the wounded. they had weapons, but they hadn’t been there to pillage, it was obvious, the traveling truck they’d brought with them full of supplies. the hero wipes their blood on the fallen and leaves the mangled bodies, feeling vindicated in her actions. 

after the hero and her friend continue on, one day Naima turns around to find herself being afforded every luxuary, pampered with affection and sweet words, until the hero finally gets the courage to pop the question. the tender look in her eyes is what captures Naima’s heart as she accepts the ring.

the hero noticeably doesn’t talk to adnae, consistently talking about them in dehumanizing ways, getting more and more irritated that Naima is defending them and arguing with her about it, trying to changer her ways. one day the hero bursts, “you wouldn’t keep bringing this up if you really loved me!”

It’s the mark of her decline in her lack of humanity and compassion, the very moment where the ‘hero’ no longer looks like something that shines in storybook covers

Naima stops bringing it up, at least overtly. But it creates cracks and rifts in their tight bond

i wanna write more but i need to lie down and drink some water, I’ll come back to this later

[theharvestersbook]

04: The APP

Meredith lay on the gunwale, soaking as much sun as she could before their next dive.  The warmth of the sun, and the slow rocking of the boat made it hard for her to concentrate on ways to ask Maya if they could dive the cruiser that afternoon.  Instead, she found her mind drifting sleepily to the sound of her friends talking over lunch. "You know," Sam observed through a mouthful of sandwich, "It probably makes sense just to change your name to LUP... or Barfy, either one."   Kaikane laughed and Neha looked at hamish with a pitiful expression.  "I thought you were very brave, Hamish," Neha said, "I couldn't believe you ate both of those horrible things.  And you carried Sam around so easily, too," she offered encouragingly. "Brah," Kaikane added with emphasis, "You were legendary.  Ledge.  End.  Dairy."  He stood up and clapped his hands for emphasis.  "The way you were hauling Sam around,... Brah, it was inspirational."  He stood stiffly and saluted Hamish. "Legendary?  Brave?" laughed Sam, "Ha, ha, ha!  Hear that, Barfy?  You were so brave."  She stood up and swooned mockingly at Neha, who just closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively. Hamish was lying on the gunwale with a wet cloth over his eyes.   He waved a weak hand and said, "Will you guys give it a rest?"  Meredith watched him from the other side of the boat with her hand over her eyes to block the sun.  She watched as Sam took a cocky step toward Hamish. "What's the matter, Barfy?" mocked Sam, "Don't feel so good?" "Why don't you leave him alone?" demanded Neha.  "You don't have to be so mean all the time."  She glared with frustration at Sam, who turned and raised her eyebrows back at Neha.   "Hey, princess," Sam said flatly, as she motioned with her head, "Why don't you just shut the fuck up?"  Then, Sam turned back around to start in on Hamish again. "No."  Meredith heard Neha's small voice say defiantly, "I won't shut up."  Meredith sat up with new interest, as everyone else turned to look at Neha's sudden feistiness.  Even Sam turned with some surprise to face Neha, who stood with her feet planted wide and her small hands knotted into glaring fists at her side.   Sam regarded Neha for a moment while everyone watched with anticipation.  Finally, Sam nodded her head and said, "Okay.  Alright.  I was outta line."  She offered her hand to Neha and added, "I'm sorry." Neha stood trembling, her lips pressed and white, and said nothing as Sam waited with her hand hanging in air.  Meredith walked over behind Neha and whispered, "It's okay.  Let it go." Neha looked at Meredith, who nodded encouragingly.  Neha, let a big breath out and nodded her head.  Then, she looked at Sam and smiled with more forgiveness than she felt.  She shook Sam's hand once and said, "Okay", in a slightly begrudging way. "Ugh," moaned Hamish, "Is it possible to get a hangover from artifish?"  The girls turned to look at his welcome distraction as he rolled over so that his head was hanging over the side of the gunwale. "C'mon, man," Kaikane said as he leaned away from Hamish and grimaced, "Don't make me hold your hair again."  Sam started to say something, but then looking sideways at Neha, she thought better of it and was rewarded with a smile of appreciation from Neha. Ignoring Kaikane, Hamish kept complaining, "Crap, I can't believe that eating anything could make you feel so bad." "I tried to warn ya," Papa Gill said, chuckling from the flybridge.  "Don't bet against a bad-ass."  He looked over at Sam and winked, and Sam basked in the compliment. "Thanks, Papa Gill," Hamish waved back at Papa Gill, "Truly." "Well, the good news is that you're not going to die," Maya piped in.  She stood with a worried expression and her arms crossed.  She looked around at the rest of the harvesters and added, "But you all can see what happens when you eat that gm stuff, especially when your body is used to real food."   She looked at Hamish and shook her head.  "No more of these dumb-ass bets.  At least, nothing that involves eating artifish."  She emphasized the last part with a stern look at Sam. "What?" Sam shrugged, "I can't help it if he's a dumb-ass.  How is that my fault?"  Maya just shook her head.  Neha frowned a little at Sam, who saw the disdainful look and shrugged. Kaikane got up and walked over to Hamish.  He squatted down beside him and patted him on the back.  "Sorry, Brah," he offered in a sarcastic way that made Meredith laugh, "If I could take it, you know I would." Hamish only groaned.  Sam laughed and said, "That's a bunch of crap.  No one would take what he's feeling right now.  Besides, it's his penance for being a dumb-ass." "Hey!" Neha started, but was interrupted by Maya. "Okay, you guys.  Break's over.  Get ready to dive."  She looked over at Hamish, "You too, Barfy.  Getting back in the water will do you good.  Probably cure you by this afternoon.  Drink plenty of fresh water before getting back in, though.  Looks like you've been losing plenty." The sun was high and hot, now.  Probably contributing to Hamish's barfiness, thought Meredith.  She was feeling a little too warm herself, in her black wetsuit and sweatshirt, and was eager to get back into the cool water.  But she was not eager to go back to cutting artifish. She rolled off the dive platform and welcomed the sudden coolness on her head and face.  As she moved, the water crept in between her suit and her skin, like it always did when she left the sun behind.  Although the water at the surface felt cool on her skin that had been baking in the sun for the past hour, it would become even cooler when they reached the thermocline. As Meredith and Sam descended together, Meredith kicked hard toward the next artifish field.  She could see the red marker they left in the field when they broke for lunch.  She swam downward with her right hand stretched out in front so she could feel the temperature change when she reached the thermocline.  Her hand suddenly got cold, and she stopped kicking.   She held herself motionless in the water and moved her hand back and forth between the layers, cold, warm, cold.  Then she let more air out of her BC and let her body sink gently into the coldness of the deeper water.  Even though she was expecting it, the coldness always surprised her, and made her heart beat faster.  She let herself feel the adrenaline rush from the sudden cold. Sam appeared and tapped Meredith on the shoulder and pointed toward the artifish field with her thumb.  It broke Meredith from her trance.  Right.  Stop dreaming and get to work.

# The next few hours of drudgery limped by as Meredith kept allowing herself to be distracted by the sunlight filtering through the swaying fronds of artifish.  Artifish harvesting wasn't really difficult work, but it was exhausting, and it always made her sad.  Seeing the sunlight lifted some of that sadness. She looked over toward the dark, cool shadow of the scuttled cruiser and thought about the real fish over there.  She had seen them before.  They were beautiful. Real fish avoided the artifish fields.  It was all Meredith could do to switch off that voice in her head telling her to escape the abominations swaying and wriggling grotesquely in the filtered sunlight. Papa Gill swam up to the two girls and signaled at his dive watch.  Quitting time.  Maya and the others were already back on the boat, and Papa Gill was heading over to the cruiser to spear some real fish for dinner.  It always worried Meredith that Papa Gill dove without a dive buddy.  But, he was Papa Gill.  He always came back, and he always came back with fresh fish. Since Papa Gill was already down, Meredith knew the opportunity to ask about diving the cruiser had passed.  With envious eyes, Meredith watched Papa Gill swim toward the cruiser.  Despite her tiredness, she dared herself to follow him.  What could he do?  He could punish her afterwards, but he couldn't physically stop her from going at this point. Girding up her courage, she started swimming after him.  Her heart pounded into her ears with willful disobedience as she swam behind him, making sure she was out of his peripheral view. She had only gone a short distance out of artifish fields, when her head suddenly became full of clicking and buzzing sounds.  It was like she had moved between the layers of a thermocline, only one of sound instead of temperature.   The onslaught of voices surprised her and made her dizzy.  She felt like she was back in one of her recurring dreams.  For a moment, she just floated there, and tried to make sense of the patterns in her head. Then, someone grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.  Sam was looking at her with harsh, judging eyes.  She held her arms wide and then shook her finger in Meredith's face, admonishing Meredith for leaving her dive buddy. Meredith nodded and gave Sam the "OK" sign.  She stole a wishful look at Papa Gill and the cruiser, and then swam back to the artifish field with Sam to mark their spot for tomorrow.  The two of them swam over to the catch cage and emptied their bags.  They checked in again with each other, as part of their normal dive routine, and then headed up to the Queen. Meredith looked up through the water at the sun beams shimmering and straining to find their way down to her.  Once again forgetting her dive partner, she started a slow rise to the surface. As she rose slowly through the thermocline, she heard the clicking and buzzing again. Meredith looked up at a school of tarpon that was settled in just above her.  A dozen or more fish levitated in the warmer water over her head, each about three or four feet long, with sleek and silvery scales that hung like armor.   She stopped her ascent and hung suspended in the water, sculling her hands to keep herself positioned with her hips and legs in the cold water of the lower layer, and her torso, arms and head in the warmer water.   After a moment, Meredith kicked gently and continued her ascent into the warmer layer of water.  She slowly passed the school of tarpon, listening to the sound of their silvery voices in her head.  The tarpon did not move, but watched her with their huge eyes as she slowly rose past them.   A shadow passed between Meredith and the sunlight, making her look up.  She saw a sea turtle, move between her and the surface, and it made her smile.  A turtle! She kicked a little harder, hoping to get a better look before the turtle sensed her and swam away.  But the turtle didn't move as she slowly approached it from behind.  How close would she be able to get?   She rose even with the turtle and could see it was a small loggerhead, only about 18 inches.  But, weren't they extinct?   Meredith held her breath and slowly reached her hands out toward the turtle.  She gently touched it's carapace, and it did not move.  She brought her other hand up to support it from underneath and slowly kicked her fins toward the surface.   The turtle did not move or try to get away as she cradled it in her hands and broke the surface of the water.  Meredith breathed slowly and deeply as she kept her face in the water, studying the turtle, so beautiful, and so tragic.  

Meredith could see that the turtle's head and front flipper were tangled in plastic that had cut deeply into the turtle's leathery skin.  Meredith couldn't see a way to easily remove the plastic.  It would have to be cut off somehow. As she looked for an easier way to free the turtle from it's plastic bonds, it turned its head and looked directly at her.  The familiar buzzing sensation started in her head, and an aura of orange and black formed around the turtle.   Meredith could see everything about the turtle in her head, but also outside of her head, as if she was inside the turtle itself, as if she actually was the turtle.  She felt the turtle, felt its life.  Everything.  She felt its desperate drive to break free from its egg.  She felt it's frantic race to the ocean.  She felt its constant vigilance for predators and the unceasing hunger that drove it to eat a plastic bag that looked like a jelly.  She felt that plastic in her own belly, tangling and tearing her insides apart.  She felt the pain and the fear of the coming darkness. Realizing what was happening, Meredith lifted her head out of the water and frantically spit her regulator from her mouth.  In a panicked and weeping strangle she cried out, "Mama! Help me!"

# By the time Papa Gill returned from the cruiser, everyone was on board the Queen and the turtle was dead.  All the harvesters were crowded around the dead turtle, so no one but Maya noticed as Papa Gill climbed into the boat.   She went over to help him.  He handed her his dive bag, which looked like it had something about the size of a murderball in it.  Then he dropped several speared fish into the icebox.  Maya handed his dive bag back to him and he quietly slipped past everyone and went below. "It's not your fault," Sam reassured Meredith as she placed her arm across Meredith's shoulder. "You’re not listening," explained an exasperated Meredith, "I felt it die.  That was my plastic bag it choked on." "What do you mean, you felt it die?" asked Hamish. "Mer," interjected Neha, "you're just not making much sense.  What do you mean, that was your plastic bag?" "Yeah," repeated Hamish, "What do you mean, you felt it die?" Sam reached over and smacked Hamish on the back of the head, “Stupid.” “Ow!” whined Hamish, rubbing his head. Meredith closed her eyes and took deep breath to settle her thoughts.  Then she opened her eyes and looked at her friends.   Everyone sat, waiting.  Maya pretended to be doing something with Papa Gill's fish in the ice chest as she listened in. "My lunch bag, the plastic one from Gula-Mart, it blew overboard during lunch yesterday," confessed Meredith.  She felt relieved getting that out, and at the same time, convicted that she hadn't just reached in and grabbed it while it was there. “Okay,” said Neha, as she exchanged looks with Sam and Kaikane. Hamish only shrugged. Seeing no disapproval, Meredith continued. "I tried to catch it, but it blew too far away," She lied, "There was no way I could reach it."  Her ears burned, and she knew hew face was flushing.  She caught Maya looking at her, and knew that her mama could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth.  It only made her blush more. "So, what's the big deal?" asked Sam.  She could tell Meredith was upset, because she was blushing.. But she couldn't understand why a single bag was such a big deal. "The big deal is that the turtle choked to death on a plastic Gula-Mart bag!"  It was obvious to Meredith, but everyone else just looked at each other.  Hamish shrugged again.   Papa Gill came back up from below and raised his bushy eyebrows at Maya.  She put a finger to her lips, so he just listened quietly as he removed and rinsed his dive gear. "It was my bag, the one that blew away," Meredith continued, frustrated that she had to explain something so obvious. "Are you kidding?" asked Hamish.  "There must be a billion Gula-Mart bags floating in the ocean.  There's a hundred-mile island of plastic in the middle of the Gulf, and even bigger ones in every ocean.  And you think it was your bag?" "Wait, Hamish.  Ease up.  What makes you think it was your bag?" asked Neha.  "You seem pretty certain about it.  So, give."   Meredith looked at Neha and felt convicted.  Then, she looked at her hands.  Her birthmark seemed to be burning.  She thought about her daddy, her brave daddy.  What would he do?  She looked over at her Mama, took a breath, and continued.  "It didn't blow too far away," she confessed, "It just blew over the edge.  I could have gotten it.  But I was eating and the water was cold.  And I just didn't want to.  I watched the bag float; it looked just like a jelly.  Turtles eat jellies." "Yeah, but like Hamish said, there's tons of bags floating around," interrupted Sam.  “You’re really not making much sense, Mer.  There’s no reason for the drama; you have no way of knowing the turtle ate your bag.” “But you’re wrong, Sam.  I do know.”  Meredith looked at her friend.  "When I touched the turtle, I could feel it." "Well, duh," said Hamish sarcastically, "your hand was right on it." "Shut up, Hamish," snapped Sam with an evil look.  Hamish looked surprised at the rebuke, but kept quiet.  Sam turned back to Meredith and quietly said, "Go on, Mer.  What do you mean?" "I don't just mean I could feel it, in the physical sense," said Meredith, and she looked at Hamish more softly than he expected. "I don't know how else to explain it, but I could feel everything about the turtle, like I was inside its head." Papa Gill and Maya exchanged another look across the boat.  They completely stopped what they were doing and made no pretense about listening closely to what Meredith was saying. "I could see, in my head. I remembered when it was hatched, when I was hatched.  The turtle.  Me.  I saw it.  In my head.  Hatching.  I saw myself pushing out through the sand.  Racing to the water, to safety.”  She swallowed and looked out at the water, “I remembered the sweet and bitter taste of jellies, and the way the salt water would break the bitterness down, and how much the turtle, how much I, loved that taste.” She took a deep breath, “I remembered hiding in the plastic island to get away from a tiger shark.  I remembered the fear of being found.  And I remembered the panic when I got caught in the plastic rings." Meredith looked at everyone's listening eyes, took another breath and continued.  "I felt the tiredness and fear, and the not knowing how I would get the plastic rings off.  And I became tired and weak.  And I didn’t eat for days.  And the rings cut my skin when I swam and it hurt so badly.” She hesitated.  “And then I saw it."  She stopped again and looked at everyone with tears welling in her eyes. "Saw what?" asked Hamish, who was leaning forward so far it looked like he would fall forward on his face at any moment. "I saw our boat.  I saw everyone swimming in the distance.  And as I came closer, just behind the boat, I saw the most beautiful thing: a jelly.  I saw food.  Even though the jelly looked different that most jellies, I was so hungry.  I couldn't help myself.  So, I swam up and started eating it." Papa Gill and Maya were fully engrossed in Meredith's story.  They were both standing just behind everyone else, listening to her every word.  Meredith looked at her hands again.  She looked at her birthmark, the rings, the line.  An odd thought suddenly entered her mind that it looked like a target, or a map.  She took a shaky breath, lost the thought, and continued. "But it didn't taste right, the jelly.  It wasn't sweet, or bitter.  It was tasteless.  But I kept eating because I was so hungry.  I ate and ate and ate and suddenly realized I shouldn't be eating this because it wasn’t a jelly.  Suddenly, the jelly had grabbed my throat from the inside and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't swallow and I couldn't get it out." "I needed help.  Desperately.  I looked around, and I saw me.  I saw me!  Do you know how crazy this sounds?"  Meredith looked at everyone with tears streaming down her face. "I saw me.  And I knew I would help myself.  I was terrified, and desperate.  And I saw me, and one thought went through my head.  Salvation." "So, I swam over.  I couldn't breathe.  I tried to tell me to pull the jelly out.  Pull the jelly out.  Pull the jelly out!  And I was terrified. Everything was getting darker.  I felt sleepy and confused.  Why didn't I help me?  I kept thinking, 'Why didn't you help me?'" Meredith stopped speaking.  She put her face in her hands and softly wept.  Sam and Neha put their arms around Meredith.  Hamish and Kaikane sat with stunned faces.  Maya and Papa Gill shared another long look.  Papa Gill nodded slowly. Maya broke the stunned silence, "Alright, everyone.  It's been a long, hard day, and everyone is tired.  Let's get all our gear secured so we can get headed home."   Hamish walked over to where Sam and Neha sat, holding Meredith.  "You guys take it easy," he said quietly, "I'll get your stuff." "No," Meredith sat up and wiped the weakness from her face.  "I'll take care of my own stuff.  Thanks, Hamish."  Meredith smiled at Hamish and nodded.  She patted Sam on the leg and stood up.  "I'll pull my own weight," she nodded again. Papa Gill and Maya watched Meredith closely.  They said nothing as she walked over to the dead turtle and picked it up.  They watched her as she carried it to the back of the boat. Meredith set the turtle on the gunwale, and climbed onto the dive platform.  She turned and lifted the turtle down to the dive platform with her.  Putting her right hand on the turtle’s back, she said something that no one could hear.  Then, she lifted the turtle into the water and let it go.   Meredith sat for just a moment and watched the turtle sink into the gulf water before climbing back into the boat and getting ready for the trip home.

# Thirty minutes later, the Queen Caretta idled up to one of the dozens of loading docks at the Artifish Processing Plant.   Next to the docks was a huge yard, with huge, grey chill-boxes stacked everywhere, and exo-lifts crisscrossing with boxes and machine pieces.  Some were loading chill boxes onto cargo drones, while others were moving chill boxes between warehouses.  Some were moving boats from one channel to another. Hamish and Kaikane scrambled to secure the lines, while Papa Gill manned the crane and the catch cage.  A fat man in overalls and big rubber boots came puffing over with a hand-tablet. “Jesus Christ, Gill.  Of all days to come in early!  We got a big Corporate here today.  A big one.  Checking on the operation and the numbers and quotas and shit.  And Christ if he ain’t the scariest sumbitch I ever did meet.  Covered from head to fucking toe in tattoos.  What kind of Corporate does that?  I’ll tell you what kind.  The kind that don’t give a damn shit cause he can do whatever the fuck he wants!  That’s what kind.” The sweaty fat man glanced over his shoulder as he spoke, as if someone was listening in.  “Oh, hey there Maya.  Kids.” He nodded at everyone and kept looking over his shoulder. “Well, howdy to you too, Jimbo,” grinned Papa Gill. Jimbo nodded and said, “Listen, Gill.  Just get the fuck unloaded and get going.  Okay?  I know you got something in the icebox, you always do.  And I don’t care.  You know that.  But I’d toss it now, if I were you.  This bastard finds out, and well, he may just pull your license.  He’s been on a tear ever since he got here.  Scary sumbitch.”  As he spoke, Jimbo kept shaking his head and looking over his shoulder as if he expected the Corporate to appear at any moment. Papa Gill turned to the harvesters, who were all gaping at Jimbo, and said, “You heard the man.  Let’s get moving!” Everyone jumped out of their trance and began unloading artifish.  Hamish and Kaikane went to line up the big, chill boxes while Sam worked the crane and Meredith and Neha dumped the artifish from the catch cage into the chill boxes.  Once a chill box was full, Kaikane or Hamish would push it into the refrigerated warehouse. Papa Gill climbed down from the Queen and onto the loading dock, where Jimbo was watching the work being done as he nervously glanced over his shoulder. “Tattoos, you say?” asked Papa Gill. “Holy crap,” emphasized Jimbo.  “Never seen anything like it.  Not like Kai’s sleeves, this sumbitch is covered, hands, neck, even got some tribal shit on his face.  And he smiles all the time.  Not friendly smiles, like you, Gill.  This sumbitch smiles like he’s about to eat you or something.  Ho-ly Crap.” Papa Gill looked up at Maya, who was perched on the gunwale, listening to the conversation.  “What’s his name?” she asked. “Name?” asked Jimbo.  “Name?  What the hell?  I don’t know, something strange.  Something video.  Invidio?”  Jimbo waved his hand in the air as he went through the options in his mind.  Then he snapped his fingers and said, “That’s it!  Invidia.  Levi Invidia. Yeah.  Yeah.  Doctor Levi Invidia.  Scary sumbitch, if you ask me.  Down here from PG Wales Corporate Office.” Maya and Papa Gill exchanged a look.  Maya stood up and clapped her hands together.   “Let’s go, you guys!  Let’s wrap it up!  Just unload the harvest and let’s shove off.  We can clean the Queen back at home.” Then, Maya trotted over to help Meredith and Neha load the chill boxes.  Papa Gill went over to the crane. “Sam, yer doing great,” he smiled.  “Why don’tcha let me at it while you help the boys with the chill boxes.  We’re in a bit of a hurry right now.” “Sure, Papa Gill,” shrugged Sam.  She stepped away from the crane controls, and jogged over to help Hamish and Kaikane. Everyone moved quickly and efficiently and unloaded their harvest in record time.  Hamish had just jumped onto the deck of the Queen and Papa Gill was securing the crane, when Jimbo said, “Sumbitch.  Here he comes.” Everyone looked up to see Jimbo pointing across the massive yard to an approaching figure. The man was halfway across the yard, striding confidently toward the Queen Caretta.  Dressed completely in black, he was tall and powerfully built and wore an impossibly wide smile.  But it wasn’t a smile, really.  There was nothing pleasant about the way his mouth stretched impossibly across his face. The man didn’t wave or say anything to indicate he was coming to speak with them.  He just strode toward them, without hesitation.  Several exo-lifts had to slam to a stop to avoid hitting him.  One fell over and dropped a chill box full of artifish sprawling across the yard.  The dark, leering man just kept striding toward them. He was close enough, now, that Meredith could see the tattoos running up his neck and creeping from under the short sleeves of his black shirt.  On one of the man's arms, a familiar image grabbed Meredith's attention.  She squinted her eyes to focus on what she could not be seeing, four concentric circles, with... Meredith suddenly felt a sharp stab of light in the back of her eyes.  She cried out and fell to her knees on the deck of the Queen, holding her hands to her head. “Meredith!” yelled Maya, as she and Sam both dashed to Meredith’s side. “Mama,” gasped Meredith, “It’s the man.  He’s in my head!”  She turned, stumbled, and fell against Maya.  Shaking, she looked up at Maya, with tears in her pleading eyes.  “I can feel him, Mama.  He's going to kill us.” Maya turned and screamed at Papa Gill, “Papa, now!” “Gents,” Papa Gill nodded at Kaikane and Hamish, “if you’d kindly loose our lines.”  Hamish and Kaikane scrambled to release the lines holding the Queen to the loading dock. “Well, Jimbo,” Papa Gill called out from the flybridge, “I’d love to stay and meet this sumbitch of yers, but it don’t take a genius to spot a wolf in a flock of sheep.”   Hamish and Kaikane barely had time to grab onto something fixed before Papa Gill pushed the throttle all the way forward and the Queen leapt down the canal and away from the APP. As Maya and Sam held Meredith in their arms, they looked back at the loading dock.  As the dark man stood there, leering after them, Jimbo suddenly grabbed his head and fell to his knees.