#i tried to leave my comfort zone for this piece

[stoopystuppy]

we'll miss you fox mom 🦊💖

[milkteabinniechan]

bath water | hwang hyunjin

pairing: virgin! Hyunjin x afab reader // ☕ | m.list

summary: your friend Hyunjin wants to paint on a new canvas: you. And while you are supportive, you didn't think it would feel so good...

warnings: body worship, fingering (f. receiving) smut

part two here

“Well, I actually want to paint on you.” his voice lingered over the receiver. The pause weighed heavy between the two of you.

“You want me paint me?” you held your phone away from your ear, almost about to drop it. Hyunjin was an amazing artist. His pieces could be in museums, in art galleries. Why would he want to paint-

“Huh?” you chimed in finally. 

Hyunjin went on to explain some videos he had seen recently demonstrating what they called a human canvas. Artists would paint on the person’s back, or legs, or arms, or… Hyunjin’s voice became softer until the heavy pause appeared again. 

You agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to meet at his apartment the following weekend. He told you to wear comfortable clothes. As you paced your way up to his front door, all you could think about was his concentrated face as he paints, now that face would be on you.

Hyunjin answered the door in a loose-fitting white t-shirt and black sweatpants. His hair was messy and he looked exhausted.

“Hey, come on in,” he stepped back and made room for you to walk past him, “I was just getting set up. I put some plastic sheets on the floor and picked out all the colors I would need.”

You turned toward his living room to see a corner of the room with a few small plastic squares laid carefully on the hardwood floors. Pastel colors each in their individual cups and palettes. Paint brushes in various sizes splayed out around the floor as well. He really was full prepared. You chuckled to yourself, you weren’t surprised. When it came to his art, Hyunjin put everything he had into it. 

“Alright, so…” hyunjin entered the room after you, “are you ready to get started?” His face was already turning red, as was yours. You could feel your cheeks getting warmer. You cleared your throat and nodded your head.

“Yeah. Let’s do this!” you shouted, fist in the air. Your sudden enthusiasm startling Hyunjin. He burst out laughing and playfully pushed your shoulder.

“You goof.” He smiled.

You smiled back. You had always found a way to make him laugh, and he had always found a way to put you at ease. Then you tugged at your shirt, remembering the whole reason you came over here. Your smile started to fade.

“Did you want to paint my arms? Or my back? Or my-”

“Your back.” Hyunjin cut you off. “I figured it would give me the most space to erm, work with.”

“Sounds good.” your enthusiastic voice now draining by the second. 

You tugged at the hem of your shirt and began to pull it up over your head. Hyunjin quickly turned his back to you, awkwardly staring at the wall in front of him. He instructed you to turn away from him once you were ready and he would get started.

“Ready.” you signaled softly, your bare back now facing him. You held your breasts with both hands, a chill rising up over your entire body. Hyunjin worked in silence as you heard the sound of paint brushes dipping in water, then in what you assume was the paint. 

The first stroke of his paintbrush was cold, very cold. You jumped at the feeling. The soft bristles trailing down your skin, leaving a damp, cool sensation behind. 

“Is it okay?” Hyunjin spoke gently. 

You weakly murmured a yes. Your eyes closed, focused intensely on the swirling motions and shapes that he was creating on your skin. You could picture his face, tightly squeezing and scrunching. Suddenly, he stopped painting.

“All done.” He spoke finally. Your eyes fluttered open. Had you fallen asleep? It all happened so fast. 

“Already?” you tried to turn your head around, attempting to catch a glimpse of his work.

“I was point for two hours, goof. You must have zoned out.” Hyunjin stood up and stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders.

Two hours? You thought. Painting felt amazing. You were almost sad it was over. You didn’t want it to be over. You wanted more. The feeling of the paint brush across your skin. Wet paint dripping down your body. Wait. You thought, This was turning you on. You selfishly had an idea, but you had no notion if Hyunjin would even agree to it. You didn’t even know if he had seen a woman naked before. You didn’t want to overstep, but unholy thoughts were consuming you.

“Y-you know,” you started, “you could paint my front too, Hyunjin.” You turned your body toward him, his body still towering over yours. Your hands were still cupped over your breasts, but it’s where Hyunjin’s eyes were glued.

For a moment, he didn’t speak, neither of you did. You both just stared at each other, unsure what to say next. Eventually, you spoke again.

“Only if you have more to paint, of course. More ideas.” You waited again for a response. Hyunjin’s eyes were wide. His mouth tightened to a thin line across his face. You could feel your face growing hot again. Regretting every moment of the last five minutes.

“I-I don’t think that would be such a g-good idea.” Hyunjin said under his breath, avoiding eyes contact now. He rubbed the back of his nack and stared at the floor next to you.

You felt your heart fall into your stomach. Your throat dried up to dust and the air was pressed instantly from your lungs. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you broke eye contact with Hyunjin. You turned your face away quickly so he wouldn’t see how red it was. 

“I’m going to go wash up, then.” was all you could think to say. 

You stood fast and made your way to his bathroom. After you took a few minutes to catch your breath in front of the mirror,  you turned on the bathtub. The hot water filling the tub, inviting you in to wash away this incredibly uncomfortable experience. You slide off your pants and underwear, setting them in a pile with your shirt to dress when you were done. You let yourself slide into the clear water. Just your head poking and bobbing out.

Suddenly, dread filled your entire body. You couldn’t wash all this paint off yourself, it was on your back. There was no loofa or sponge to wash with. And now you just made an idiot of yourself in front of your friend. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes again.

“Can I help?” Hyunjin spoke from the other side of the door. 

“No, no. I’ve got it!” you lied.

“Please, let me help you.” Hyunjin’s sincerity was palpable, even through the closed door. 

You begrudgingly allowed him inside, adding the small caveat that you were completely nude in his bathtub. Suprisingly, he came in anyway. He walked in with eyes closed. Blindly feeling around to get his barrings again. At last, he stood in front of the tub, eyes still shut tight.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin whispered. “I just-I’ve never…” his pleading eyes finally meeting yours. You searched his face to try to decipher what he was trying to say. You tried your best to use your hands to cover yourself, to allude to some sort of modesty. But you were hesitant if it was working at all. 

“I’m a virgi-” Hyunjin had lost his train of thought. He had lost everything that was ever on his mind when he saw you laying in the bathtub. The paint from his human canvas has started to dissolve and disperse into the clear water around you. The colors swirling and dancing together to form new color combinations. Reds and purples, and blues and yellows were seeking and chasing new paths around the curves of your naked body. You were magnificent. 

You watched Hyunjin’s eyes trace your exposed body from top to bottom, like he was memorizing every detail. On instinct, you slowly moved your hands away from your breasts and your soft slit. The sight of your hard nipples poking in and out of the swiriling, colorful water made Hyunjin fall to his knees in front of the bathtub. His eyes never leaving your body. You inspected his face to try to see what he wanted, when instantaneously, his hand appeared in the water with you. His long fingers dipped into the warm bath water, lightly grazing your outer thigh. You cautiously lifted your leg, the sound of the water trickling off of your skin. He froze, unsure of what to do next. 

You grasp your hand around his fingers and pull them down toward your slit. Slowly you and Hyunjin inch closer, careful to notice any hesitation, but soon it is his hand leading yours. It is his fingers that are pulling closer towards your enterance. One finger gracefully strokes the outside of your cunt. Starting at the top and sliding down between your lips, then back up again. He was completely entranced, utterly hypnorized. You let out a ragged breath as you watched his index and middle finger, little by little, message your soft lips until your clit began to swell. His middle finger felt it first, welcoming the invitation on sliding in deeper. 

His hand completely moving on instinct now. Rubbing around the clit, small circles at first. He wanted to learn what you liked, how your body reacted. It was like painting again, combining different colors to see what new would come of it. He felt your legs twitch when he applied more pressure, your hips would buck ever so slightly when his rubbed faster. He wanted to see what else he could make your body do. You were his best art project. His human canvas.

[hrtzstargirl]

I Wanna Be Yours.

Danielle Marsh.

Synopsis: She figured it out. Why she keeps throwing you those loving eyes, after a long time of being confused finally she is certain about one thing. Being yours.

Part 1

Pairing: Danielle Marsh x 6th!member!reader

Warnings/side notes: I decided to make a part 2 of my first Danielle fic, I thought it's cute and necessary because of how the first ended🥲 I'm posting a lot these days, cuz it's winter break! I am feeling that christmas spirit that's why I'm not lazy the past few days LMAO, anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

--

Danielle is confused. She's very confused, why? Because Minji's words are starting to hit her, she couldn't get her words out of her head. She's been acting different lately but is trying to mask it by being bubbly as usual.

One thing she hates the most whenever she's feeling like this or when she's out of her mind—is that you noticed. You always did and Danielle hates it. She hates how you can read her like an open book, hates it how you know her better than herself, hates it when you understand her feelings better than she does.

Due to the stress, she's been distancing herself from you and it's driving you insane. And the fact that Hanni's words seems to hit too.

Danielle slumped down on the couch, her mind seems to be drifting to somewhere else. The noises of the green room fell on her deaf ears. There she is again, zoning out, staring into the distance.

No matter how much she tried, her thoughts will always comes back to you. Your smile, you laugh, your goofiness, your loser personality, how you make her feel like she's the only girl in this world, how you treat her, you're an entire green forest in her eyes.

She always found herself staring at you from afar with that same look, the same look she and Minji talked about, the same reason why she isn't feeling like herself the past few weeks.

She couldn't shake those butterflies in her stomach, she isn't a fool, she knows what it means. She's just wasn't sure why and how.

She feels the spot next to next sink, indicating someone sat next to her. She didn't have to turn her head to look, she know who it was.

"Dani, there it is again." She heard Minji let out a deep sigh.

"Can't help it if she looks like that." Danielle replied, her eyes glued to your figure, putting the ear piece on and letting the staff members fix the wires and your clothes.

"I know, but you're making this hard on yourself."

"I'm not... I'm just—taking the time to think about this thoroughly."

"Thoroughly? Why, isn't she worth the risk?" Haerin popped out, sending Minji an apologetic smile after she flinched.

"She is. She's worth everything I have, I'm just afraid that I will hurt her in the future. Hurt her because I couldn't get myself together.." Danielle responded, giving Minji no time to scold Haerin for popping out so suddenly.

"Danielle, she's worried. She noticed how you distance yourself. She knows everything and she don't like it." Minji placed her hand on Danielle's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"I know."

"You have to talk to her."

"I know."

Minji sighed, her voice softening. "Dani, sometimes the best way to figure things out is to talk about them. You owe it to yourself and to her."

"I know, just give me time." Danielle's eyes couldn't help but softened at the sight of you smiling ang giggling at something Hyein said.

"You have time, just make sure that time doesn't run out." Minji replied gently, giving Danielle's shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Danielle sighed, her gaze still fixed on you. "It's just... she's so important to me. I don't want to mess this up."

Minji smiled, her tone supportive. "I understand, Dani. But sometimes, you have to take risks for the people you care about. Talk to her, let her know what's been going on. She deserves to hear it from you."

"I will, unnie."

Minji gave her a reassuring smile before leaving to annoy Hanni. Danielle's eyes lingered on you for what felt like eternity before the staffs announced that they're up on stage next.

May God have mercy on her poor heart, you're too beautiful for the world to see, they don't even deserve to see you. Before Danielle get lost in her thoughts again, you turn around, catching her eyes before giving her a small smile and leaving.

"Bro! We're up next, come on!" Hanni's loud voice called out to her.

"Yeah, coming." She muttered before standing up to join the rest of the girls.

The whole performance, her eyes always finds you, the fans noticed it, the girls, and of course you did. It confuses you, avoiding you but kept her eyes on you, what's wrong with her?

A question even herself she can't answer. She watches you dance flawlessly, entrance the audience with your voice, bring even the strongest men on their knees with your beauty.

She's down bad, she wants you and she can't do anything about it. Not until she fixes herself and her mistakes to be better for you.

Danielle felt a storm of emotions swirling inside her. Every time she looked at you, her heart ached with longing. She couldn't tear her gaze away from you, no matter how hard she tried. The connection she felt was undeniable, but her own insecurities and fears held her back.

As the performance continued, Danielle's resolve began to waver. She knew she couldn't keep avoiding you forever. Sooner or later, she would have to confront her feelings and find a way to bridge the gap that had grown between you.

And maybe, just maybe, she would find the courage to tell you how much you meant to her.

--

The night is cold, colder than usual. Maybe it's because it's winter. Snow falls from the sky, landing softly on the ground, creating a serene, white blanket over everything. The streetlights cast a warm glow, illuminating the snowflakes as they drift lazily down.

You pull your coat around yourself, breath visible in the chilly air, the snow crunch between your feet as you walk wherever they take you. It's Christmas tomorrow, it's not your favorite holiday but it's still the best.

You stare at the lights in front of you, the silly light shows of Christmas decorations twinkling in a multitude of colors. Each one seems to pulse with its own rhythm, creating a mesmerizing display. The festive cheer in the air contrasts with the turmoil in your heart, and you can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed.

The decorations are whimsical, with reindeer prancing and Santa Claus waving from rooftops. The trees are adorned with glittering ornaments and garlands, casting a warm, inviting glow. It's a scene straight out of a holiday movie, but your mind is elsewhere, caught up in thoughts of Danielle.

As you take in the lights, you hear footsteps approaching. Turning your head, you see Danielle walking towards you, her breath visible in the chilly air. She stops beside you, her gaze also drawn to the decorations.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She said without looking at you.

"Yeah.." You muttered a response but you weren't looking at the decorations anymore. Your gaze is now on the girl beside you, watching the lights reflect in her eyes, making them seem to sparkle, adding to the magic of the moment.

Why is she here? Wasn't she supposed to be with Haerin and Hyein? Did she ditched them to be here with me? Why is she like this..? Thoughts ran through your head, wondering and wondering.

After weeks of avoiding me, why is she here now? You couldn't help but feel an ounce of anger. She can't just ignore you and then act like nothing had happened between you two.

She turned to you, her eyes soft and held some emotions you couldn't explain—was it guilt? Sadness? Love-what? Maybe anger—why is she angry?

Your eyes stares at her face, you couldn't help but feel a weird feeling in your stomach, it's tickling yet comforting. It's a lovely feeling, she's getting beautiful each passing seconds, won't be long until she officially became a Goddess.

"Y/n." She said softly, hearing your name fall from her tongue makes you see stars, you never liked your name, but when she says it. It sounds so beautiful, like a prayer in the warm night air.

You felt a surge of emotions, your heart racing at the sound of your name spoken with such tenderness. The way she looked at you, with a mixture of hope and vulnerability, made your breath catch in your throat.

"Danielle." You replied with the same tone, the same tenderness she had used when saying your name.

A shiver ran down her spine as she heard her name spoken with such affection. It felt like the world had stopped, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of warmth amidst the cold night air.

The snow continued to fall softly around you, each flake adding to the quiet beauty of the moment. Danielle's eyes were filled with a storm of emotions—guilt, hope, and something deeper that you couldn't quite place but made your heart beat faster.

"I've missed you." She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

You looked at her with a mixture of confusion and concern. "I never left, Dani. Why did you miss me?"

Danielle's eyes softened, a hint of sadness and vulnerability in her gaze. "It's not about you physically being here. It's about the connection we had, the closeness. I've been avoiding you because I was scared of my feelings. But in doing so, I felt like I lost you."

You felt a ache in your heart. Of course you missed her too, you want to be mad at her for avoiding you so suddenly. Maybe this is the chance for her to enlighten you why.

"I've missed you too. More than you know." You admitted, your voice tinged with both longing and frustration.

She felt it. Danielle felt the frustration in your voice, she's angry at herself for making you suffer her pain too. All she wanted for you was to be happy, but her distance affected you as well.

"I'm so sorry, my Y/n." Her voice trembling, vulnerability can be felt. "For distancing myself, for making you feel my pain too. I never meant for it to happen."

You stare at her in softly, the sincerity and remorse in her voice cutting through the frustration you had felt. You reached out, gently lifting her chin so her eyes met yours. Wiping the tear that feel from her beautiful eye.

"I thought having time alone with myself would help me realize that I want to be the best version of myself for you. You don't deserve the Danielle who shuts everyone out whenever she feels down. No, you deserve better—the one who will come to you when she feels down, the one who will never distance herself."

Your eyes filled with confusion, why is she telling you this? "Dani, what are you talking about?"

She choked up a sob, stopping herself from crying out loud. Her guilt is eating her alive, she doesn't have the strength to hide it anymore.

"I like you—wait no scratch that. I love you." She breath out, "I love you that's why I want to be better for you. I have bad habits, Haerin asked me why do I have to think this thoroughly? It's because I don't want to hurt you one way or another. I want you to have the Danielle you deserve. And right now, I am not the best version of myself. It sucks—I know, I hate it when you notices my mood before the others. hate it when you're there for me, hate you for being so understanding and beautiful, hate it when other people try to steal you from me, hate it when—"

She didn't have time to finish when you suddenly press your lips against hers. Effectively shutting her up, she stood frozen—unable to process.

For a moment, everything seemed to stand still. The world around you faded away, leaving just the two of you in that intimate, breathtaking moment. Danielle's eyes widened in surprise, but slowly, she began to relax into the kiss, her hands gently finding their way to your waist, while yours on her shoulders.

Before you two could get lost in each others lips, you forced yourself to pull away, your cheeks flushed red, from the cold and blush spreading across your face.

Danielle's eyes fluttered open, her own cheeks mirroring the same rosy hue. She looked at you with a mixture of surprise and longing, her breath coming in soft, visible puffs in the chilly air.

"I love you too." That's all Danielle need to pull you in for another kiss, pull you closer until there was no space left between you.

The warmth of her embrace and the softness of her lips made your heart race. The world around you seemed to disappear, leaving just the two of you in that perfect moment. The snow continued to fall gently, creating a serene and magical backdrop for your kiss.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your cheeks flushed with a mix of cold and the intensity of your emotions. Danielle's eyes sparkled with happiness, and she smiled at you, her heart full of love.

"Please don't distance yourself again. My love, you're already the best version of yourself in my eyes, we can deal with anything as long as we're together. Promise me you won't do it again." You held out your pinky finger to her.

She smiled softly, the storm in her eyes now long gone, replaced by love and happiness. She interlocked her pinky finger with yours. "I promise."

"I wanna be yours." She whispered while staring into your eyes.

"You're already mine." You replied softly, a tender smile spreading across your face.

Danielle's eyes sparkled with happiness, and she felt a sense of peace wash over her. She couldn't be happier, and neither could you.

As you two shared your wonderful moment together, the girls watched from afar, Hyein was trying to bite into a candy cane, Haerin munched on cookies, while Hanni and Minji stood with pride smiles on their faces.

"How did you convinced Dani to finally talk to her?" Hanni asked, her eyes still glued to the two of you.

"I didn't, it's those two who did." Minji nodded towards the two younger members who's busy eating, earning an amuse chuckle from the other.

[stark-ironman]

What happens in Vegas... Part 2

18+ No Minors

A/N: guess who finally wrote a long fic!! Well long for me. This was going to be 3 parts but I got carried away. I still could though 😈 also, the Hugh drama with his Broadway costar came back up during this sooooo i wrote it in. Enjoy 😁

Warnings: Accidental marriage, angst, jealously, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it)

Part 1

The next few weeks have flown by quickly as you and Hugh learn more about each other and this new life you both chose to live. The four of you had to leave Vegas early due to the fact someone leaked some pictures from inside the wedding chapel and your hotel was swarmed by paparazzi.

Ryan and Blake reassured you that everything was okay and they was fine going home early because they was ready to see their kids. Even Hugh tried his best to cheer you up but it didn't last long due to the fact your publicists and both of your families were blowing your phones up with questions on your relationship.

As of right now, everybody thinks that the relationship has been under wraps for a while now and you both decided to just elope so until you're ready to discuss it, only Ryan and Blake know the actual details of what happened. Since leaving Vegas, you and Hugh decided it would be a better and safer decision to stay at your house in Colorado instead of his penthouse in New York.

Your place is secluded on a big plot of land and it's been the perfect opportunity for the two of you to get to learn about each other in a more intimate way, minus the kissing and the sex. Don't get it wrong, you want to do those things with him but you both agreed to move slow with this relationship so you're waiting on Hugh to feel comfortable enough to make the first move.

"Y/N, did you hear me?" Hugh asks taping his fork on your plate, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Sorry, I guess I zoned out. What did you say?" You look at him and see a small smile on his face. "I asked what are we going to do when it's time for me to head back to New York since you live here and I live there." He says cutting another piece of steak.

"I've been thinking about that actually and I wanted to talk it over with you. You know how I feel about living in big cities, especially New York.." Hugh nods and you continue, "Would you want to move here and we just keep your place in New York so we could visit? Or we find a house on the outskirts of New York?"

Hugh takes a deep breath and thinks it over for a moment before saying, "You're my home, darling. I will go wherever you go." You feel your heart skip a beat at his words and tears well up in your eyes. "Are you sure? I know how much you love New York." He grabs your hand and nods. "We can visit whenever we want. Since staying here with you, I've become a little spoiled by this secluded farm life you live. I love being here and I love being with you." His voice is sincere and you can't help but feel yourself falling in love with him even more.

"Hugh, I need to tell you something.." You start to say but you're interrupted by his phone going off. Hugh apologizes and answers, standing up and walking away, leaving you with your thoughts.

You almost admitted to this man that you love him and while you're sure he feels the same, you don't know if he's ready to take that step yet. One thing about Hugh Jackman, the man is a flirt with everyone. He's a very smooth talker and he is really easy on the eyes. Would he be willing to give all that up? Would he ever cheat on you when he tires of you?

While you know him as a loyal friend, you don't know him as a partner or a lover. Yes, right now he's saying he's happy with you but what happens once you both go back to work and he has to kiss a girl for a movie? Or do a sex scene with one? You know you're not the best looking woman in Hollywood but you try to at least hold the self confidence of one.

Your eyes search across the room until they land on Hugh and you can't help but admire the way his back muscles look and how his pants fit in just the right places. You need to snap out of this little crush before you wind up hurting yourself and the friendship you two have had for many years.

You're pulled out of your thoughts by Hugh walking back in the dining room, sitting back across from you with a sigh. "That was my agent. They want me to come back to New York and do a Broadway show called The Music Man." He says, looking in your eyes as if trying to see your reaction. "When do they want you to leave?" You ask, trying to be a little nonchalant but you know he can tell you're not happy. "They want me to fly out of here tomorrow and be in rehearsals the next day."

"You should go. It's a great opportunity for you." You say. "Are you sure?" Hugh's eyes widen, shocked at you giving him the opportunity to leave. "I'm not going to stand in the way of this. You love singing and I love seeing you happy. Plus, I can come stay with you once I get things settled here."

Hugh breaks out in a smile, kissing your hand softly before standing up. "Let me go pack and we will spend the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling." He runs off to pack, leaving you sitting at the table by yourself with a heavy heart.

You don't want him to go but you're not the type of person to ruin a great opportunity for anybody, especially Hugh. You just hope he doesn't find somebody else while you're both away from each other.

------

It's been about a month since you've seen Hugh. He had his first show and you was there in the front row happily supporting him but shortly after the show ended, rumors circulated that Hugh was already cheating on you with his co-star, especially after she came out saying they spend a lot of time together in her dressing room. You seen the chemistry on stage between them but you was hoping it was nothing.

Hugh has tried to call and text you for the past couple of weeks but either you've short replied him or just said you was too busy to talk.

You were hurt. You knew it, Hugh knew it, everybody knew it. Ryan and Blake have even tried calling to tell you the rumors weren't true but you just couldn't handle hearing it.

A knock on your door sounds throughout the house and you already know who it is. "Darling, please open the door." Hugh's voice is muffled by the door but you ignore it, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again.

"Baby, please. I promise you nothing happened between me and her. She's just doing it for the publicity." He says, hearing something sliding against the door as he continues, "I know things have been less than ideal with us but the past few months have been the happiest of my life and it's all because of you. I only have eyes for you, even before we got together, it was always you. Ryan used to make fun of me for how in love with you I was and that's never changed. Accidentally marrying you was the best thing I ever did and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I love you, darling and if you don't want me here then at least tell me that you don't."

Hugh goes silent and you can't help but walk towards the window, seeing him sit with his back against the door wiping at his eyes. You open the door slightly, watching as he stands up quickly to look at you.

"I'm sorry," You whisper, looking into his eyes, "I knew this would happen the day you recieved that phone call to go back to New York. I didn't want you to go but I will never stand in the way of your career. I tried to stop myself from being happy with you, from loving you, but no matter what I do I can't help but fall in love with you even more with each passing day. I ignored you because I was scared the rumors were true and I wanted to protect myself. You're a natural flirt, you do it without even knowing majority of the time and I didn't want to make you change anything about yourself. I love you the way you are but Hugh, I don't want you giving other girls the time of day. Call me selfish, call me whatever but I want you to myself. I want to have kids with you and live on a plot of land away from the spotlight. I love you more than I ever loved anybody and it scares the shit out of me."

Your confession causes the tears to flow as Hugh steps in the house, taking your face in his hands as he wipes the tears away. "I want this. I want you." He whispers, looking down at your lips.

His lips meet yours. Your arms wrapping around his waist to pull him closer, vaguely hearing the door shut as he leads you to the living room, laying you gently on the couch as he slots himself in between your legs.

Your hands find the hem of his shirt, raising it up and over his head as his lips meet yours again, his tongue running across your bottom lip before sliding past and attacking your tongue. A moan escapes your lips,

"Do you want to stop?" He mumbles against your lips. "No." You whisper back and he quickly sits up, removing your clothes before doing the same to his. Your eyes widen, quickly remembering the last time you two had sex was when you both blacked out in Vegas, but Hugh quickly reassures you. "I'll take my time, darling. I'll be easy... today." He smirks, crouching on the ground as he spreads your legs,

Hugh admires your core, as if savoring the whole thing to memory before lowering his head and licking a stripe up your slit, running it over the little nub and teasing it. "Taste so perfect.." He murmmers, wasting no time closing his mouth down and latching onto you as if he's been starved. You gasp as his tongue worked against you with long, calculated strokes, your hand gripping his hair as if your life depended on it as his lips enclose around the sensitive little bud.

You moaned his name loudly, your back arching with each pass of his tongue as the pleasure hits in ways you've never experienced before, your head falling back against the arm of the couch.

His mouth continues it's assault, your legs trembling around him as he pulls you close to your orgasm when you feel two of his fingers slide in, his lips enclosing around your sensitive spot causing you to cry out from the pleasure. He slides a third finger in, pumping his fingers into you as your release rips through you, keeping his mouth on you as he works you through your release.

Your body trembles and you're left breathless, thighs shaking from the intensity of the moment as he sits back to look at you with the most sinister smirk you've ever seen on him. His lips glossy and his hair tousled from what just happened and he leans forward, kissing you deeply to let you taste yourself.

Hugh's hand grabs his base, rubbing the head of his erection against your entrance and you shiver from the sensitivity, moaning softly when he dips his head down towards your breast and takes a nipple in his mouth.

He presses the tip against your wet folds, sliding into you slowly as if to not hurt you. Once he bottoms out, he let's you adjust to his length and when you give him permission to move, he moves slow making each thrust hard and deep. You notice he's holding back though so you decide to remind him not to.

"Hugh," You breathe out, "I won't break.. you can fuck me." Hugh let's out a low growl, placing your legs over his shoulders as he starts pounding into you, the force causing the couch to slightly move and your fingers to dig in his forearms.

His thrusts continue to go deep as you watch his head fall back from the pleasure, his mouth slightly open and low moans fall from within. "Fuck, I knew you were made for me... your pussy was made to be all mine.." He grunts, leaning down to sloppily kiss you, pressing your knees to your chest. "I'm never letting you go after this. You own me now, baby." His voice is full of promise and you kiss him again, holding on tightly to his shoulders while he continues his hard, brutal pace.

"Hugh... I'm close.." You choke out against his lips and he smirks at you. "Come for me baby." He says angling his hips just slightly, memorizing your face as you release all over his cock, moaning softly when he hears his name fall from your lips.

He continues his pace, chasing his own release. You clenching around him pulling him closer and closer, finally releasing deep inside of you and a deep growl erupting from him. Hugh rides out both of your releases, thrusting slowly inside of you for a few minutes before finally pulling out, both of you moaning softly at the feeling.

Hugh grabs you and pulls you on top of him, holding you close as he kisses the top of your head and you play with his chest hair. "I meant it, darling. After today, you own me. I don't want anybody else." He softly says, looking down at you. "I'm all yours too. Especially after that." You say with a chuckle, causing him to chuckle to.

"Will you marry me, again?" Hugh asks and you lift your head up to look at him. "I know it's not the most romantic time but we agreed we would do a ceremony if we chose to be together. I want to marry you and say our vows, this time with us both remembering it."

"I would marry you in every lifetime." You say, kissing him softly.

For the first time since Vegas, you finally feel like everything is falling into place and you are extremely happy for the future with Hugh.

[skulla-rxcks]

Fuck or die

Paring: idol!Chan x fan!afab reader

Rating: explicit

Genre: smut

Warnings: smut, forced to fuck (not by chan or reader), could be dddne, shock content with one thing.

Ktober 5

Being trapped with someone you idolise and getting forced to fuck isn’t something you’d expect from waking up one morning. Partly inspired by the hentai/visual novel euphoria.

Taglist: @f3lix00 @channiesgoodgirl @mal-lunar-28 @bangchans-gf5 @fun-fanfics @iwannabangchan @linosluver

Please dm me or use my inbox if you’d like to be added to the taglist ^^

!THIS IS PURE FICTION, NOTHING IN THIS IS REAL ITS JUST A STORY!

I wake up in a white room, my head and ears ringing. I don’t know where I am nor how I got here. I look around and take in what’s around me, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well accept one thing there’s a man lying in the corner he looks strangely familiar to me. I walk closer to him and see who he is; Chan, Bang Chan, an idol from one of the groups I love. I almost freak out in happiness but I need to keep my cool. I should wake him up then maybe we can figure out together what’s going in, it’s weird that it’s us and not some other duo. He doesn’t even know who I am.

I decide to tap him on the shoulder. “Chan..? Wake up, please.” I whisper, he lets out a sleepy groan in response and opens his eyes slowly, rubbing them to make him more awake. “Hmm,..? Who are you and where are we?” He asks me, clearly confused about the situation.

“I’m.. y/n, if you’re wondering how I know your name I’m a stay..and for where we are I have no idea. I woke up here too.. like a few minutes ago.” I sigh and explain about myself and what I know so far.

“Right, we may have gotten kidnapped by someone which explains this room. There doesn’t seem to be any windows or doors only cameras..” Chan says while looking around.

Suddenly we hear the sound of a microphone being turned on, and a voice starts talking to us. “I see you both have woken up now. Welcome! I’ve set up a few games for you guys! Do as I say, or you die.” As the voice says ‘die’ guns come out from little compartments in the wall and point at us before going back into the wall. “What do you want us to do?” Chan says, putting his arm around me protectively even though I’m a stranger.

“Fuck or die. It’s simple.”

“I guess we could do that i.. I’m okay with that..” i mumble looking at him, he gives me a sigh and a nod with a concerned expression on his face.

The voice continues on “but there’s a catch. Each challenge gets harder and breaks your comfort zones. I’ve been studying both of you through cameras in your apartments.” It says.

“What are the challenges? Tell us. Now.” Chan demands, holding me close, acting as a protective shield.

“Well they’re simple really. I’ll drop a note down from the ceiling”. The ceiling opens up slightly, dropping a piece of paper before closing again. I pick up the note and hold it so it’s in both of our views

‘Challenge 1: cumming inside, hole: pussy

Challenge 2: pissing inside, hole(s): mouth and pussy

Challenge 3: taking advantage of her while she’s sleeping’

“the fuck is this? Is this some kind of sick joke?!” Chan yells, looking in the direction of the camera. “No way in hell I’m pissing in and raping a fucking stranger!” His grip on me gets tighter, his brows furrowed as he yells at the strange voice. “Then die-“

“Okay okay we’ll do it just please, don’t hurt us!” I start tearing up, knowing that if we don’t do this we’ll get killed.

“Are you sure?” Chan asks me, I nod. “Then it’s agreed! Start the challenges and remember I’m always watching. Bye bye now!” The voice says his final sentence before turning off its microphone. Leaving us alone in the white room with cameras pointed at us, they’re too high up to reach even if we tried to turn them off. “I’m ready.. let’s just get this over with.” I sob, stripping down until I’m fully nude before helping him out of his clothes.

“Lay down and open your legs..I’ll help stretch you out with my fingers otherwise it’s gonna hurt.” Chan says. I open my legs for him, he gently puts two fingers inside of me, using them to scissor me open. I bite my lip and try to hold in my moans. After a few minutes he pulls them out and positions himself at my entrance. “Deep breaths, y/n. Deep breaths.” He groans as he pushes himself inside of me. He’s surprisingly big it hurts. “It’s okay..it’s okay. You’re doing great. Keep breathing.” He encourages as he thrusts into me faster. He’s grunting as he thrusts into me deeper than ever. It feels good, but I know it won’t last long, he’s going to have to cum inside me. there’s a high chance I’ll get pregnant from it but anything to not die, especially in a place where no one would find our bodies. He cums inside of me and collapses next to me as we rest, panting heavily. He looks like he’s about to pass out.

I put my arms around him, holding him closely for support. “I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” He whispers, nuzzling my neck and holding me tight. “let’s do the next one in the morning I can’t take this anymore.” I start crying, horrified for the 2 challenges we have left. “Yea..yeah I agree. Let’s do what we can.” He whispers as he holds my body against his. We lay there, hugging each other in the dark, neither one speaking. I feel safe here, in his arms. it’s comforting and reminds me that at least we have each other right now; even if we’re complete strangers.

the next day, we wake up, we fell asleep on the ground last night, still fully naked since theres nothing else in this room that we could sleep on. “are you ready for the next challenge or do you need some time?” he asks me, stroking my hair.

“let’s just do it.” I pick up the note and read the next challenge. ‘pissing in mouth and pussy’ I gag a little, grossed out by the idea of being pissed in the two of my most important holes. I hand the note to Chan and he reads it as well, cringing at every word he reads. “okay.” he sighs. ���mouth first or..” “mouth.” I say, I feel my face heat up. I get down on my knees, mentally preparing myself for what’s about to happen. He gently thrusts his dick into my mouth and begins uritating. I whince as I force myself to swallow every drop. He grabs my head with his hands so he wouldn't spill it everywhere. Once he’s finished, he pulls his cock out of my mouth and stands up, grabbing my hand.

“I’m sorry y/n.. god I feel awful after doing that.” He says as he rubs my hand. “it’s fine.” I say stubbornly. “you still have to do it to the other end of me anyways.” I give him a weak smile, sitting down with my legs open. “you’re probably gonna have to get tested for so many things once we get out of here. I’ll take you and pay though.” Chan growls, pushing himself inside my vagina once again. This is the worst feeling I have ever felt, he was pushing all the way in so hard it was almost painful. I start shaking. I don’t think I can handle this. not long after he releases his bladder and balls inside of me, emptying them both.

He stops once he’s done, pulling out of my body quickly.

“ew..” I tear up as I think about what the voice just made us do. My eyes start hurting because of how hard I'm crying.. “don’t cry, baby. I didn’t like it either. I never thought I’d be forced to.. relieve myself inside of a person, especially a stranger.” he hugs me, I blush at the sudden contact and as he calls me ‘baby’. He doesn’t know it means a lot to me, but he does. I hug him tightly, wanting to keep him close. “i think I.. I think I love you.” he says, pulling away from the hug and placing his head against mine. “me too.” I reply bringing him back into my arms.

After that he sits down with me and lets me sit comfortably in between his legs, wrapping his arm around me while he pets my hair, trying to calm me down. I sniffle and look at him, he smiles softly as I stare at him. “What happens when the challenges end?” I ask him quietly. “we get out.” he says as he holds me close, kissing my head. “We stay together until then. and maybe after if you’d like.” He says smiling at me. i fall asleep in his arms.

while I’m asleep. Chan takes this time to do the final challenge, raping me in my sleep. he doesn’t want to do this, but he has to, to get both of us out alive. He slowly pulls down my panties and shoves himself inside of me, tears streaming down his face as commits the assault on me.

“fuck.. fuck this situation, fuck whoever made me do these stupid challenges.” He gasps as he goes deeper inside me, his tears dripping onto my body. “Channie.., please stop..I don’t like this,..I.. I want you to stop.” I whisper in my sleep, trying to push away the fear.

“Fuck, y/n...please.. I’m sorry, I really am... I wish you were awake so I could make it easier on you, but I can’t.. this was the final challenge. just shut up and take it.” he cusses, kissing me deeply to shut me up and to stop me from screaming. I whimper and shake my head no, I hate this, I don’t want to take it.. he keeps shoving himself inside of me. “stop fighting me..” he mumbles, moving his hips faster to cause more pain for me. I finally snap awake, tears pouring down my cheeks as I try to pull myself out of his grip but I can’t, he’s fully pinning me down as he rapes me. “this is the last challenge y/n, just fucking take it so we don’t die.” I stop complaining, knowing there’s no way out of this. I fall asleep being tired from my attempts to stop him, I just let him do it, soon enough we will be out of here.

I wake up to feel Chan’s warmth lying beside me. I snuggle closer towards him, wrapping my arms around his torso and resting my head on his chest. “Good Morning…” he whispers, running his fingers through my hair. “morning..” I reply as I snuggle even closer. “I’m so sorry about last night. I had to, to keep us alive.” he kisses my forehead. “it’s fine.” I sigh, “let’s just get out of here, a door appeared so let’s just go through that.” we get dressed and walk up to the door, hand in hand we push open the door, met with the smell of fresh air. “we should probably get you a pregnancy test from the amount of times I came inside of you.” he chuckles, leading me into town. “food after?” I ask. “food after” Chan smiles

[lenoraslament]

Masterlist

Hello! Welcome to the Masterlist!

My name doesn’t matter. Insatiable Slytherin gal. Pisces ENFJ. Morally ambiguous characters are ✨

I am now taking requests. I write for Slytherin boys mainly but I can also write for Bridgerton and Gilmore Girls.

One shots are at the bottom

First are posts related to my three part Tom Riddle Fanfiction. All three parts are on my Wattpad

* indicates smut

^ indicates romance

+ indicates dark themes/angst

Lenora was cold, smart and cunning. Until. Until that night. Two mudbloods stole something from her, a piece of her she couldn't get back. She finds solace and healing in the unlikely ally of her longtime acquaintance Tom Riddle.

Wattpad Link

Chapter 9 Excerpt: Insolence +

Chapter 12 excerpt: Moment in the Library ^

Chapter 16 excerpt: Apparating ^

Chapter 20: Pleasure *^

Chapter 23 Excerpt: Malfoy Ball ^

Chapter 28 Excerpt: Good Girl ^ (*in the Wattpad chapter)

Chapters 33&34: Revenge and Satisfaction *^+

Chapter 35: Aftermath ^*

Chapter 36: Make Me Forget *

Chapter 38: Punish Me *+

Book 2 Lenora’s Love:

Lenora was Tom Riddles everything. Until he had to Obliviate her memory. Now they are brought together for the summer, as he continues to build his dark legacy the death eaters. Their love is inevitable; even with Cygnus Black trying to intervene. Will the truth out?

This book whole chapters cross posted to Tumblr but if you want to read on Wattpad

Part 1 Summary / Say Yes to Heaven ^

Lenora arrives at the Malfoy Lakehouse and leaves Tom breathless

The Rose Garden ^

Tom watches Lenora from afar much to the chagrin of Abraxas

Why Not Tom Riddle

Lenora wonders about the change in Tom Riddle not realizing she was obliviated

Hard to Resist^

Cygnus grows closer to Lenora

Firestarter +

Lenora accidentally reminds everyone just how powerful she is

Worth It +

Tom and Cygnus duel, Abraxas confronts Lenora

Flawless ^

Tom continues to confuse Lenora, Delia appears for the first time since the Malfoy Christmas Ball

Strumpets *^

Lenora catches Tom doing something unsavory, she pushes to be a deatheater

Overprotective

Lenora tries her best to be respectful and discovers something useful

Lust Potion *^

Delia gets revenge on Lenora, Tom tries his best to resist Lenora

Despair +

After being humiliated by Delia, Lenora wants to prove herself as a deatheater no matter the cost

I Love You ^+

Tom nearly loses Lenora for good.

Pain is a Price +

The long term repercussions of Lenora’s potion are discovered

High and Mighty

Tom proves his leadership while being absolutely faded.

Flowers for a Lady ^

Lenora is made a deatheater but isn’t sure what to make of this new side of Tom.

Dowries and Dark Marks +^

Tom tries to figure out how to get Cygnus Black out of his hair as they both chase after Lenora

Pillow Fight +^

Cygnus Black wishes Lenora goodbye, making her lash out at Tom Riddle

Tawdry ^

Lenora forgives Tom and then is forced to play the temptress

Make Me ^

Tension finally comes to a head between Tom and Lenora at the lake

Cozy^

They simply can’t stay away from eachother.

Crash Into Me^

Tom and Lenora continue to push and pull, Abraxas catches them

Tom Riddle the Romantic ^

Tom Riddle goes way out of comfort zone

A Proper Date ^

Tom and Lenora finally have a real date

Anchored*

Lenora wants more from Tom than his horcrux

How it Always Should Have Been*^

Tom and Lenora make love

Time Doesn’t Bow^

A snapshot into 6 months of bliss as Tom and Lenora stay together

Lying *

Cygnus Black returns, Lenora catches Tom in a lie

Disillusionment +

Lenora learns the truth of everything that happened before Tom obliviated her

I Lost You+

Tom’s proposal goes awry, Lenora gets revenge

I Hate You+

Lenora broke Tom’s heart but he gets the last word.

One shots

Tom Riddle

Hot Mess Part 1

Hot Mess Part 2 *

Infatuated

Careful What You Wish For *

Mattheo Riddle

Careful What You Wish For *

Theo Nott

Some Plumber ^*

Lorenzo Berkshire

Finally Requited pt 1

Slytherin Boys React

Perfume Preferences

How they would Overstimulate You*

Edging Orgasm Denial *

You took Lust Potion *

Romantic Moments ^

Free Use *

Dance with Me ^

[itadores]

thinking abt him modeling some clothes for reader .. this cutie needs a shopping day of his own ! - 🩺

note: wah thank u for the suggestion!! i was actually thinking about shopping for sakura as i was writing some of my other drabbles

pairing: sakura haruka x gender neutral reader

word count: .8k

tags: gender neutral reader, established relationship, fluff

sakura doesn't know how he ended up in this position- in a fitting room, trying on an outfit you picked out for him like some sort of doll.

sakura was initially under the impression that this shopping trip was meant for you. looking back on it, however, you never explicitly said it was. although, sakura thought it was implied, considering whenever you ask him to go shopping it’s so you can do so as he follows you around from store to store. he didn’t realize that this time you wanted to go shopping with the intention of picking out clothes for him.

he tried to protest when you revealed your true intentions, but they quickly died down when you gave him a look, batting your lashes at him and jutting your lower lip out in a pout, and said that it would make you really happy if he let you shop for him. even if sakura knew you were playing up your reactions and being overly dramatic, he couldn’t deny you and reluctantly agreed.

he thought that you would pick out a few shirts and maybe a pair of pants for him and that would be all. but sakura guesses he should have known better, considering he's more than familiar with your personal shopping habits. as you moved throughout the store, you ended up amassing a pile of clothes, which you handed off to sakura. he grunted under the weight of it. how could clothes be so heavy?

you plucked different articles of clothing from the pile, holding them up to your own body as you showed sakura how you thought they should be paired together. he didn't really understand the importance of matching certain pieces together, used to just making an outfit out of whatever was clean in his closet, but he did his best to follow along to what you were saying.

after you've gone through all the different outfits he can make with the pile of clothes gathered in his arms, you usher him towards the fitting room before he has a chance to process what's going on.

which is how sakura has ended up in the fitting room, dressed in clothes that you paired together for him. he looks at himself in the mirror, his reflection staring back at him. it's weird. the outfit isn't too far out of his comfort zone, a simple plain gray t-shirt and a pair of black slim-fit jeans, but he still feels strange seeing himself in the mirror. maybe, it's because you picked out the clothes for him. it makes him feel a little like a doll that you're playing dress up with.

and the fact that sakura has to go out into the waiting area and show you what the outfit, which you specifically picked out for him, looks like really doesn't help that feeling. sakura doesn't necessarily want to leave the fitting room, but he's been in your position many times and knows that you're probably getting impatient by now. sakura's been in the fitting room nearly as long as you typically are.

sakura shakes his head. what is he so afraid of? it's just you out there. he decides to stop being such a coward and sucks it up. he inhales sharply and exits the fitting room out into the waiting area before he can second guess himself.

you move at breakneck speed. you jerk your head up so quickly upon hearing footsteps that sakura thinks you must have pulled something in your neck. you spring up from your seat to approach sakura.

sakura doesn't know what else to do besides stand there awkwardly. he feels a little bit like a bug under a magnifying glass with the way you're looking at him.

“haruka, you look so good! like really really good!” you exclaim, looking him up and down appraisingly. "the shirt and the pants fit you so well! better than i expected honestly!"

sakura's face becomes increasingly red with each word that falls out of your mouth. you've never held back from complimenting him before, but the constant stream of praise flowing from you is too much for him to handle.

"okay i get it!" sakura abruptly says, unable to take much more. his face is aflame already. you appear to be startled by the interruption, but you quickly recover.

"oops, did i go a little overboard?" you rub the back of your neck, a guilty smile stretching across your cheeks. a little is an understatement. "i couldn't help myself, you just look so good, haruka!" you motion towards his body as if he's the one at fault for your reaction.

“i get it,” he grits out, ears burning. any more of this, and sakura thinks he might just die of embarrassment.

“okay, okay, i’ll stop teasing now.” you put your hands up in surrender, but the grin doesn’t leave your face. “the outfit’s nice, now go try on and another one for me!”

sakura doesn’t think he’s going to make it out of this shopping trip alive.

[fen-luciel]

Jealousy part 2

Part 1 here part 3 here

Warnings: age gap/toxic behavior

Vernestra-Padawan reader/jedi Qimir

I lied. Or rather, I had some ideas while I was writing, so instead of three parts, there will probably be four. Nothing is certain, but... you have been warned.

Leave a comment and share if you are enjoying the story.

I can't say exactly when things started to change. Maybe they were never normal from the beginning, but I was too distracted to see it, blinded by this lie that I childishly told myself.

The more comfortable I felt with Qimir, the worse his relationship with Vernestra became, to the point where in the naivety of my young age, I thought it was my fault, but in truth, I couldn't even see the problem.

I had learned to recognize my master's moods very early on. I understood before even talking to her if she was nervous because of some diplomatic mission or worse. Sometimes I was left to myself for entire days, i knew her missions were very important and that I would only slow her down, but all I could do was read and train with other padawans and read again and... do nothing.

So, while I daydreamed about the magnificent future missions with my master... I spent time with Qimir.

Of course, he was busy too, but I eagerly awaited his return each time. He would tell me what he did, who he met on his travels, the fights to the last breath, and, he was good at narrating them. He often came to see me in the library, where he would put on a silent show due to the librarian's constant admonishments, using books as pieces of the story and his lightsaber to represent himself. I laughed so much that my cheeks hurt, I used my hands to muffle the louder sounds, and Qimir seemed to love every moment of it. Sometimes, I wondered if he didn't deliberately behave insanely on missions just to tell me about it when we would meet.

The months passed quickly. After about a year as a padawan, I began to distinguish between what I was good at and what I was terrible at. For example, I was great at controlling the Force, but terrible at using the sword. Not because I wasn't good from a technical standpoint, but more for a mental reason, the idea of hurting someone paralyzed me. I wanted to be a Jedi who protected the weak, but I had missed the part where, if you're protecting them, it's because someone is hurting them, someone who probably should be stopped even with the use of force.

Worse still, I was terrified of my master's weapon, the whip seemed so unpredictable to control, yet she used it with deadly precision and wanted me to try it too. She believed my fear was natural for a young mind, that I just needed to unlock myself, but for me, it wasn't like that.

And it got worse when I sought comfort in Qimir.

Maybe, in hindsight, I should have realized something, but it's easy to talk when the worst has already happened. I remember very well what happened that evening, I was exhausted after all the sword training. Vernestra didn't seem particularly happy with my outburst a few hours earlier when I tried to say that maybe I wasn't suited to be a knight, that I could have pushed myself into the medical field or even just be an assistant, maybe a volunteer in war zones. She thought I was speaking without knowing anything, pushing me all afternoon to train in various forms. My hands hurt from calluses, but instead of running to the infirmary, I decided to knock on Qimir's room.

"I don't understand why she doesn't want to accept it. I... don't want to hurt anyone." I broke the tense silence that had formed while Qimir wrapped my fingers with the bandages he had in the bathroom.

"No one said you have to. You're a Jedi, our job is to fight for those in need." He was focused on looking at my fingers, so he didn't notice the grimace I gave him, "And I understand that. But I don't feel suited for that role. Many Jedi perform different duties, fighting isn't essential for everyone." He sighed a laugh.

"I think Vernestra is worried about your safety, it's okay to seek your vocation elsewhere, but our faith leads us to interact with dangerous environments, even the most peaceful mission could hide a terrible evil." He finished the bandaging, then gently took my hands in his, the warmth of his palms a pleasant consolation to the painful throbbing of the blisters that filled my fingers.

He looked at me again with a sad smile on his lips, "I understand that you feel sure of what you want. But, flower, you're still a child. And you have many years ahead of you before you face the final exam, you don't know what will happen or if you will change your mind, don't take what you feel for granted." I blushed foolishly at the nickname he had started calling me some time ago, something about how "I seemed delicate like a flower".

"I know, but... don't you think lightsabers are terrifying?" I stuttered uncertainly, looking into his eyes.

And that moment. That single instant when he gave me that sweet smile, I shivered.

"That's what makes them so beautiful, right?"

I didn't have an answer, maybe yes, but I wouldn't have had the courage to tell him at the moment. I only know that I swallowed a bitter bite and freed myself from his grip, a heavy breath escaping my mouth, "I have to go, thanks for the bandages," I got up quickly and fled from that room as if I had someone on my heels.

That shiver down my spine, that rancid smell at my nose, I couldn't imagine it at the time, but that was the first time I felt fear.

Of course, I blamed myself entirely, I was exaggerating, everyone said so, I was terrified of violence in a way not suitable for the role I was supposed to fill in the future, I should have recovered quickly and restarted my training. I tried to forget that evening, as I had gradually forgotten that conversation on Hoth, but that was just the beginning.

The missions with Qimir keeping us company decreased over time, sometimes he just stopped by for a greeting or joined us more to keep me company if he had a free moment. I really appreciated the time together, I liked that we could remain silent without making it seem strange, once on Naboo he showed me almost the whole city since he had already visited it before. We got ice cream overlooking a lake in complete silence, the sunset was spectacular, and with the light sounds of the forest accompanying us, I fell asleep with my face pressed against his side.

The next morning, I found myself in my room with his cloak as a blanket since I was still dressed. When I tried to return it, he teased me, saying I had slipped on the ground when I pressed against him. I yelled at him that he was rude to tell me that, but only because I didn't have the courage to admit that I found it hilarious. If I had given him rope, he would have teased me about it for months.

When I was finally old enough to accompany the master on some of her more dangerous missions, my opinion on weapons had not changed, but I had made peace with myself and decided to find my combat style.

I was proud of how I built my lightsaber, but I had to modify it when I implemented the double-sided exit to have a double-bladed saber. It made me feel safer using it, more protected, and it was a more versatile weapon, especially for more enemies. So, once I got used to using it combined with a defensive fighting style, I finally felt complete.

On the field, I rarely used the lightsaber, trusting more in my control of the Force to block my opponents and stun them. I knew Vernestra was not entirely happy with how I restrained myself, but I tried to excel in everything else, hoping it was enough.

On a return trip to Coruscant, both wounded and tired, we talked once again about the problem that had arisen when it was needed.

What was supposed to be a quiet afternoon defending senators had turned into a nightmare when a bomb exploded at the meeting place, civilians fleeing in terror, and only a Jedi and a padawan handling the dozen terrorists shooting at the crowd.

The situation obviously got out of hand, and we survived by a miracle. Before calling the council to let them know what had happened, seeing me still so shaken, Vernestra hugged me.

I clung to her robe, barely holding back tears, the memory of all the wounded passing under my eyes still fresh, but she grabbed my shoulders, and looking at me with a determined face, she said, "You did well. I am proud of you."

A few minutes later, when we could finally sit down, I had the courage to speak.

"I killed them. It was so..." I was looking at the blue of hyperspace around us, lost in my thoughts, I don't know if I was talking more to myself or to her.

"You did what was necessary. On other occasions, we could have captured them, but we were at a disadvantage. Sometimes, to save lives, you have to make drastic choices," her tone always confident, as if it were all normal, and technically it was, for her.

I no longer knew what I was doing at that point.

"I know, but... my hands..." were shaking. They shaking even then, in the peace of our shuttle. I held onto the armrests tightly as if I were afraid of falling.

"Maybe Qimir is right."

I turned suddenly, confused, hearing his name mentioned out of nowhere. She sighed before looking at me again, "He thinks it would do you good to train with him a bit. He has been suggesting it to me for a while..." she cleared her throat before looking away.

"Maybe dealing with a more aggressive combat style like his would help you unlock. I know you two have become friends, and... he is much better than me at making you feel comfortable. He might be more helpful than I am."

I was taken aback, more by the fact that Qimir had suggested something like that without letting me know anything. It gave me a strange, somewhat unpleasant feeling that I couldn't quite identify.

But still, my problems at the moment were different, so I nodded. I already felt guilty enough for hesitating in the face of danger. Despite the comforting words, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had failed.

“Just… be careful, okay?”

The look he gave me is one I would never forget. That… knowing glint deep in his eyes, like a warning bell. But I ignored it.

I nodded, but I ignored it.

When we got home, she headed towards the council room to submit her report. She advised me to go rest since it was already evening, but after saying goodbye to her, I quickly walked down the Jedi corridor. I had been injured and was limping slightly, the next day, I could get myself healed quickly by a healer using the Force, but at that moment, it was a different kind of pain tormenting me.

I knocked hard on Qimir's door without even thinking about it, two, three times before I heard some commotion on the other side, bare footsteps approaching the door before it opened.

“I hope you have a good reason for knocking on my door at this hour—” he mumbled sleepily, his hair messy and wearing only a pair of sweatpants. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, confused, when I jumped into his arms.

My face pressed against his warm chest, and the tears I had been holding back until then started to fall relentlessly, accompanied by a few sobs.

He woke up suddenly, understanding what was happening. He effortlessly picked me up before entering the room and shutting the door behind him. “Hey, hey, my sweet flower, what's wrong?” he whispered in my ear, now fully awake.

I hid my face in his neck while he hugged me tightly, my legs hanging down the sides of his hips, my tears wetting the skin of his chest as I tried to stammer out coherent words.

I had never felt so small until that night, hidden in his arms. Although his cheerful personality made him seem childish at times, I tended to forget that we were a little over ten years apart, we didn’t really share anything except our loyalty to the Order and the same master, but we weren’t the same age, and we didn’t even have similar hobbies. We… he treated me like a little sister with absent parents.

I had run off to seek the safest comfort I knew, and he had given it to me without a second's protest.

He listened to my tear-flavored words without saying anything, his fingers brushing through my hair, partly caressing my scalp. He held me against his chest tighter when my sobs were too much to utter even a single syllable. He didn’t say anything when I was done, had me take off my shoes and most of my dirty tunic, and then lay down in bed with me.

I was pressed between the wall and his warm body, one arm on my side, and the covers wrapped around me like a cocoon.

The next day, still comfortably pressed against his chest, I took a moment to sort out my thoughts. I was ashamed of having lost my composure like that, i shouldn’t have fallen victim to fear, so I slipped away at dawn to avoid facing him. We never talked about what happened, I didn’t have much to say anyway and went back to focusing on my studies.

A few days later, Vernestra came to tell me she would be away to resolve the conflict that had arisen after that attack and that I was entrusted to Qimir as she had mentioned. I had already forgotten about that story, but it all came flooding back when we said goodbye on the platform. Her hesitant look as she stopped halfway up the ramp. I saw her sigh, maintaining a stoic expression before coming back to me one last time. “Trust your instincts, Padawan. If something makes you uncomfortable or… you just leave, got it? You’re still too young for certain matters.”

I didn’t have time to ask her what she was referring to, she boarded the ship right after and left, leaving me there with questions on the tip of my tongue.

Qimir sought me out soon after. I was hiding in the library every afternoon, hoping not to run into him and avoid training, but of course, it didn’t last long. With his usual light smile and calm demeanor, he approached me one morning, “Are you perhaps skipping your training, Padawan?” he asked, mimicking an authoritative tone.

I couldn’t even laugh. In the end, I gave in. I had promised my master, and the fear I felt that afternoon still gave me nightmares, so I followed him into the training room.

Fighting Qimir was like facing a hurricane, seemingly chaotic but, in reality, a perfectly concentrated deadly force of nature. I was used to exhausting rhythms, so I didn’t find it difficult, but what destabilized me was his gaze. It seemed like he really wanted to kill me.

Fast and lethal with his double violet lightsabers, he often aimed at my legs to make me fall and gain an advantage over me. I squirmed uneasily under that assault, of course, that was the goal of that training, but… there was a cold wind behind him. A suffocating sensation, a chill on my skin that made me doubt who or what I was facing.

Vernestra was away for just under a month, during which I trained with Qimir when I wasn’t studying. One of the last training sessions was grueling. I began to doubt he wanted to take it easy on me from the beginning, we clashed forcefully -with our lightsabers- because “it’s needed to keep you sharp ” as if the strikes he aimed at me weren’t enough to keep me alert.

A particularly painful strike to the thigh made me fall heavily to the ground, the fabric of my robe smoking from the slash. When I looked up at him, now disarmed, I almost vomited. Those eyes… now I could recognize them. The eyes of a killer. The same as those men that afternoon weeks before who had charged into the crowd.

I fled the room, took a shower, and went to bed without dinner. I was sure I was going insane. I was tired and nervous and seeing things that weren’t there. I tried to shake off that voice in my head that screamed at me to be careful with Qimir, the guilt clashing with the fear. I tried to bury it all once again, deeper and further away.

And so my routine returned to normal once everything was back to how it was before, and the master had returned, although… I had started to avoid Qimir. It wasn’t that I was running away from him, it was more like a need for personal space, let’s say. Luckily, he was sent on a mission, but he wrote to me almost every evening with messages about his goals, to which I replied with monosyllables. He realized something was wrong, but when he asked me how I was or if something had happened, I dodged the question.

During a mission in the Outer Rim, I was able to indirectly spy on a call between Vernestra and Qimir. She was scolding him for some unspecified decision, but it was the final warning that made me waver. “You’re losing your composure lately. Leave the mission and return to Coruscant to meditate on your choices.” My breath stopped when I heard him shouting through the holopad. I couldn’t quite make out the words, but he was complaining about the poor results of the missions or something like that. I swallowed down that memory too. It had been an outburst due to a tense situation, it could happen. I had to stop thinking about it.

Shared missions completely disappeared. Qimir and I only saw each other to spend time together. One evening, he took me to dinner in a somewhat shabby place with the promise that I could bring my fellow Padawans there when we were older. The light conversation at the table was pleasant before silence surrounded us.

“I’m sorry we see each other less lately,” he finally sighed after dessert.

I shrugged, relaxed. “Well, we have our duties. And I need to keep studying.” I thought I had given a satisfactory answer, but he looked more frowned than before. “It’s unfair. I want a Padawan too.”

I chuckled at the thought. “I think you need a few more years for that.” But he didn’t laugh, instead, he… stared at me in a way I couldn’t decipher. “Why do you say that? You’re growing well.”

I frowned at the answer. “Qimir, I’m Vernestra’s Padawan. No offense, but it’s she who’s raising me,” I maintained a smile that he didn’t share. “You spend more time with me than with her.”

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. I wanted to tell him that it was normal since we were friends, but that had little to do with the conversation we had started. To tell him that, as good as he was, he still struggled to act like a real authoritative figure suitable for a young boy who needs to learn the Jedi way, but… of course, I said nothing.

I didn’t feel like it. That conversation died just as it had begun.

It seemed that as time went by, that cheerful air around him faded. Maybe it was the maturity I was gaining that woke me up from that waking dream I was living. I recognized certain expressions or glances better, those smiles that once warmed my heart now had a bitter aftertaste. I began to wonder if something had been wrong from the start. Sometimes those strange warnings from Vernestra or those fragments of memories where I had seen him in a different light, more sinister, would come back to me.

So, I made a decision.

It was better to put some distance between the two of us, maybe growing up, I would be able to face him better, understand what was going through his head, and once matured, I would be able to help him as he helped me.

I don’t know if that decision was the straw that broke the camel’s back, if it was something inevitable that had already begun, or if there was no escape. Looking back at everything that happened, the mistakes had started much earlier, but how much blame did I truly deserve?

I was young, naive, it wasn’t my job to see beyond the veil of lies, beyond the Jedi, beyond the Force.

I wouldn’t have been able to recognize the dark side under those circumstances.

And in fact, I didn’t recognize it until it was too late.

And there it was, right in front of me, taking my breath away.

[astracora]

Turning Point - Part 5

Characters: Poly!LADs x gn!mc

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Angst, Loss of Arm, Lots of emotional struggle with disability, mentions for Rafayel stories, and myths, violent imagery and arguments.

Word Count: 5456

Written: 9th January 2025

Notes: Pre-relationship with gn!MC with all LADs, with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me. Rafayel is so hard to write for a lot of reasons, but also is one of my favourite characters in any story because he's just... contains multitudes. I also feel like he's the one who struggles most with all these other people in MC's life. I also feel like he's so fixated on pain, and struggle, that he forgets kindness can be offered to him with no price. Anyway, I enjoyed working on this bit a lot even though it was hard. Enjoy! Also as a side note, the song of choice I can only partially explain, Rafayel out of all the boys makes me think of regency romance on a level I truly cannot explain. (even though he doesn't have a dancing scene... YET!!)

Now Playing: All I Want, by Kris Bowers

Masterlist AO3

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Rafayel loves you. That is never in doubt. He finds himself bitter and aching that there is so much you have shared that only he remembers.

Sometimes it comes out in harsh words or lies. Even though he knows it is unfair to punish you, when you can't control it.

Mostly, however, he tries to enjoy moments with you. Hoping that something will spark, and you will look at him and see long years of history.

Remember his longing and his love in all its forms.

Remember all the facets that make him up. Perhaps it's cowardice to want your memories to fill in the blanks that he is too scared to tell you. Blood on his hands, heart offered up. He does not want to see your expression change. For you to fear or hate who he is… who he can become.

He thinks about beautiful blue seas, and the breath stolen underwater.

When he finds himself thinking of the beach he waited at, every year, he pushes himself into his work.

Now, he spends most of his days at your side. In case you need him. He watches closely, because he's used to you hiding your struggle from him. When you're sick, you've hidden it, he's reminded you that you're not a superhero. As much as you put on a brave front for every kid that sees your hunter reels.

Rafayel has watched this version of you for a long time, before he finally met you again. Properly.

He has seen so many renditions of you, no matter who you have been… he has loved you. He has and will love you for eternity and beyond, even if it might be easier not to.

Rafayel has finished most of his work for his exhibit, as he stares at the final piece that is missing something that he cannot find.

Sun blends with sea, as the tides recede. As silver bones are left behind to bleach.

He stares and stares and nothing comes. Just that vague, irritating feeling of incompletion.

"You're going to burn a hole in it, fish."

"Sylus, leave the man alone, he's actually working."

Rafayel huffs… and therein lies his other problem. Your consortium of bizarre attachments. If he were less observant, he could pretend they see you as a friend only.

But he is a man who can kill another, who can plan his revenge, who can hide in plain sight. Who is capable of sneaking up even on the N109 Zone Leader.

So he can see and he can't ignore. He also can't ignore that they comfort you as well.

You have teased him for being childish, and he thinks the irritating feeling in his gut, that demands he steal all of your time, that you are his bonded partner, confirms such a claim. He is not possessive of a lot… your heart is his.

He tries to ignore the doctor and the crow. Staring straight ahead, hoping that answers will come to him, but he cannot. He can feel their presence and it is on the edge of his consciousness. Poking at it.

Like he is a crab on the beach and a child wants to watch his pincers clasp.

"Maybe you should take a walk, get some fresh air."

"Do you want the fish to suffocate, Doctor?"

"Truly, you are incapable of not prodding at others aren't you?"

He huffs this time, turning his face to look at the two. Zayne is typing on his laptop, barely looking up to converse, while Sylus is on his tablet, glasses on the end of his nose.

The two look eerily similar like this.

Rafayel tries not to compare the doctor to the crow, it's unflattering. At least the doctor can heal your wounds.

When he speaks though, his irritation comes out in the snippy tone he takes, "Your opinions are noted, dumb crow. Then swiftly discarded."

The man does that irritating little laugh he does, that is more a puff of air than a real laugh. Like it's too much effort to feel anything, and Rafayel wants to pluck his feathers.

How you can tolerate him, he'll never know.

At least the hunter is quiet…

Still, he wants to get out of here, they make it harder for him to think, and he can't make progress like this. So he stands, shrugging at them and heads towards the door, as he goes to make through he almost collides with you and Xavier returning from the hospital. He isn't surprised when you move out the way just in time, you're a hunter and your training has made you capable. Still as he greets you, you hesitate, before tugging at his shirt before he can leave.

He looks down, your hand holding onto the fabric, not tough enough to tear, but enough to halt his movements.

"Are you alright, Raffy?" 

It shouldn't surprise him that you notice the tick in his jaw, or the stress under his skin. It isn't the first time, and you've shown many times to have been able to pick out when his mood has dropped. You're observant as part of being a hunter, you're careful, you pay attention. You're smart.

You care.

About him, about his mood… about his life. His irritation settles, soothes at the edges, and his smile is easier, "I need some fresh air. Want to come with?"

You hesitate and he watches the fear enter your eyes. Wavering. You walk between the hospital and the apartment when you don't take Zayne's car, but that's the extent of your journeys. He wants to pull you by the hand… make you see the sea with him.

"Where are you going?"

"Whitesands."

It's far enough removed, very few people visit it, and he will get a walk somewhere familiar. Perhaps it's familiar enough for you to follow him.

He extends his hand, carefully, trying to keep the need from bubbling to the surface. If he could take you away far from here, he would. Take you to everything he's ever seen, so he can see it with new eyes. Yours.

Your hand stretches out, and your fingers tremble, before you finally take his, "Alright, if it's quiet." Your request is one he'll happily grant. Both of you alone, he can't think of a better way to spend his time.

The walk is kind to him, as they head towards Whitesand Bay, he gets to keep your hand in his, listen to the song of the world, and watch as your steps become lighter. You stop staring down at your arm and checking around you, eventually focusing on the sky and him.

As feet crunch on white sand, and approach the edge of tides. You let go of his hand to walk a little further out, and he watches. As you crouch, as you reach fingers to the water.

Rafayel paints everything he thinks is beautiful, tragic, or brings pain to his soul. You hurt him too, in ways he aches for. Like he is placing his hand in a burning flame, and holding it there, because the longer he holds it, the closer he gets to what he craves.

Like there is an answer there, waiting over the edge of agony. If he tumbles after it, he'll find what eludes him.

There's a feeling in him that wants to drown you with him. He could swim out, with you in his arms, and pull you under. On the edge of the question of life, before he gives you the means to breathe alongside him. He's warned you of the nature of sirens, and you've looked him in the eye and told him you don't fear him.

You should, though, he knows. You should fear the ocean's grasp as well as his own, because he wants your heart for his.

As you turn your eyes back to him, soft smile tugging the scar on your face, his heart thunders and then stills. Flames and agony. The need to touch and hold it in his hand… Lit against the contours of your face, and the glimmer in your eyes.

His inspiration is always closer than he thinks.

—-----

Rafayel dislikes your companions.

The prince gets to spend all of his time with you, working together, protecting each other. Where Rafayel had to convince you to be his bodyguard, just for a fraction of that time.

The doctor is who you trust with your injuries and your wounds, he is who you go to when something hurts. You hid your sickness from Rafayel before now, so he didn't doubt your capabilities.

The crow… the crow gets under his scales. Like a tick. Biting and bleeding and ruining his skin. Yet you trust him, a man who built all his life on violence. Who has blood on his hands. Who is open about his sins… While he cannot tell you for fear of the look in your eye changing.

It is safe to say the crow is his least favourite. The one who grinds at him most, who plucks and pulls. Like a hook in his upper lip. He dreams of drowning the man… he would if the look in your eyes didn't stop him.

So he hates them, he thinks. The anger and irritation and the childish petulance. He wants your attention and he fights for it, he wants you to trust him most. It took too long to gain entrance into your home, reminding himself that time builds strong bonds. That he should be patient. He did not want to scare you, to startle you. Like you are a small fish and he is a bigger… hungrier beast.

There is no peace when they are around, and normally pain brings him inspiration, an answer on the end of a paintbrush. A vision in the agony.

Whatever feeling they inspire is not pain, and it brings him no art to create, no feelings to share in blues and greens. Nothing to show for it.

He has thankfully, however, finished his final piece. So there is a relief in him, even as the crow looks down at him, eyebrow raised.

Rafayel ignores the man, looking straight ahead, signing his work. Paintbrush steady. Steadier than the racing heart in his chest.

He will not lose a game of chicken with an overgrown bird.

So when the crow turns to walk away, he is relieved, and so smug, until he hears a crunch. Looking over quickly, and staring down at the floor.

"Ah, what a shame."

One of Rafayel's paintbrushes snapped in half by the stupid crow's foot.

He levels a glare at the man, "Are stupid crows clumsy too?"

"Are all fish messy? Your things have spread across the apartment."

"I'm working!"

"Quite diligently I see, despite galavanting off to the beach. Inspiration was it?"

The look on the crow's face is too level. It's too calm. He does not respond to the rise of Rafayel's voice. He does not flinch at the glare in his eyes. He does not move, from where his foot is still on his brush.

It is a feeling of irritation that burns and scorches where it stands.

He has to tolerate and bite his tongue. He has to think and be careful. He has to share, where he does not want to share.

You are his heart, why does he have to look at the eyesore in his vision, and think about his hands on you too.

His anger bubbles and froths and overflows. A pot that has been left, and forgotten. You will forget him too, in favour of a crow! A stupid. Foolish. Irritating crow.

He stands and presses forwards, fangs bared and sharp. He is a predator of the seas. This man is nothing. He is a god of the tides. This man is a petty criminal.

Rafayel knows you better, he has seen more incarnations than this man can even comprehend, and he dares to play at favour?

"If you wish to be drowned, crow, I am happy to oblige."

Eyebrow quirks at him, a look in his eyes that Rafayel can't make out, but it glitters and twinkles, "I'd love to see you try, fish, but I'm afraid you couldn't hope to kill me."

"I am more than willing to try."

"Then you'll simply be hurting your 'beloved bride', wouldn't you?"

He snarls, a low noise in the back of his throat, hand reaching out to grab at the man's throat. To snap it, bite through it, to cut his voice permanently, he isn't sure. It will hurt, and he will deserve it. For calling you what he cannot. Too many memories that you cannot hold in your heart.

The crow steps forwards, as if daring him to try. To wrap his hands around his throat and twist. To slice his throat open with a dagger. To see. To show him if it's true.

"Raffy?" Your call comes from the side, stumbling in, voice wary.

His hand hovers, he debates. Thinks for a moment. Stares at the crow's adam apple as the man swallows his laughter down. The dare is there, waiting for him to take… and they both know he won't.

So he rips his hand back, offers you the kind of smile that shakes at the foundations, "Hey cutie, I was just going out for the exhibit."

You open your mouth to speak, and he shakes his head, grabbing his canvas. Lifting it far too quickly to be safe, and turns on a heel, "I'll see you later."

The speed he leaves the apartment leaves the door frame shaking behind him. Heading out, running from the place. From the crow's dare, from the wary look in your eyes.

From the inadequacy… the guilt… the irritation. The pain.

What lurks over the abyss could just be nothingness. A world where you don't want him, or need him. Where without your memories you do not look at him, hear him call you his beloved bride, and love him as you once did. Where his bond with you is not enough, and he simply has to experience the heart that cannot beat for anyone but you.

That he has lied and hidden and kept from you for too long, that a criminal with blood on his hands who does not hide… claims your heart for his.

His heart…

There is pain behind his art and in his soul. A reminder that he cannot always be with you in every life, and he prays this is not one of them. An alter of suffering that he would cut his chest open at, if you would always look at him.

—--

You cannot stop thinking about the look on Rafayel's face.The agony in his eyes as he'd darted from the room. You'd asked Sylus who had shrugged, "I broke his paintbrush." But not explained further.

You'd seen Rafayel break his own paintbrushes in his studio, stepping on them, falling over them. Resulting in a trip to the hospital because of how messy things were.

You help Sylus clean up some of the mess, containing it in a corner with the rest of Raffy's things, hoping it would alleviate some of the feeling you can't seem to shake in the air. A stagnation. It feels like decay, and you can't open enough windows to air it out.

If Sylus decides not to share, he won't. You've known him long enough, pried at his secrets enough, that you don't waste the strength anymore. He shares what he wants, when he wants to.

So you abandon the effort and go about your day. It drags. Waiting for time to pass, working through your exercises, before you have to leave.

As the time approaches, the clock hand moving, it begins to click harder. The sound impending.

You think about other exhibits, the amount of people, the noise…

It cuts through the excitement, the peace of the wait, the boredom.

You pause as you're getting ready, staring at the prosthetic arm flexing in front of you. The movement of metal fingers, the clear indication of your injury… your failure.

You're going to see Rafayel. A man who people will be looking at. Commending.

Taking photos of.

Do you really want to be stood next to him like this? To draw attention to yourself and him?

An icy chill runs up your spine, and you stop. You have to get these clothes off. You have to cancel. You can't go.

You can't be there.

You feel the chain on your ankle, it tugs and it pulls, and it drags you back. The beast that settled, has woken up. It is hungry and it is angry, and it is laughing at you for trying.

A mistake, this was a mistake. You made a promise to someone you care about, and now you're going to hurt him. Either way, you're going to hurt him. Make him look stupid. Make him hate you.

You're going to break this fragile peace. Bring that agonised look into his eyes again.

Take from a man who gives you so much. Love, affection, kindness, warmth, acceptance, joy.

You are ripping all those things from his hands, and returning nothing.

"Kitten?" You stumble, when the voice startles you out of your thoughts. Falling back onto the bed, looking up as Sylus enters, not bothering to wait for an answer. Ever since your mission had gone wrong, he has been far less hesitant. If he could ever be said to be hesitant.

When he sees you sitting, tears in your eyes, he approaches you, kneels in front of you. Hands on your knees. Soothing your skin. His skin is so warm, it's like a brand. You almost pull away. On fire, itching, hurting. He notices your flinch and pulls his hands away. The relief of the cool is intense, and you choke on the feeling.

You're the mistake. Too fragile to be touched. Too useless to be helpful. Too much work.

He takes in your rumbled clothing. The shirt half pulled off, the jacket thrown away from you, the trousers unclasped. You are shivering, and shaking, and while you can see his hands twitching. Yearning, needing to soothe, he knows he can't. So he tries to speak, hesitant now, "Don't you like them?" You think about the time he spent, finding things with Rafayel that are easier to wear. Clasps that can be done easier with one hand, or buttons bigger for your unsteady metal fingers.

Things that require the least amount of struggle. If he could not find them, he had them made.

The two of them, you think as you try to fight through the fog, are dangerous.

You shake your head numbly. "I can't go."

It doesn't require much more from you, even without his eye, Sylus reads people. He reads you. He's said sometimes he cannot understand the workings of your mind, but he improves everyday. It is terrifying to be seen by him. Terrifying for him to look under the rough exterior, to the rougher interior.

You wait for the moment that he realises you're not worth it.

"You'll be with us." He starts, and you look down at where his hand twitches towards you, then back. "You won't be alone."

You haven't been alone, you think. In all the time you've spent with this. This weight, first on your back, then on your ankle. They have come to find you. Looking.

Just like Caleb did.

Is it enough? This could be that wakeup call.

"Rafayel wants you there, he's excited to see you." It is odd. It is hearing Sylus say 'Rafayel' and not 'fish', that jolts you back. Just like the moment you saw them in your kitchen, arguing. Just like when you saw them all walk through that door when the blanket was your only defence.

It is a realisation of how odd this is. How bizarre they are.

It almost makes you hiccup a laugh. The idea of Sylus speaking for Rafayel. You think about how warm he is to you, how he takes your hand easily.

I will always want to look at you.

"What if it's too much work?" You finally manage, the agony lightening so you can speak, no longer tearing at you. Though you can feel the creature on your ankle. Tugging. Like a dog with a chew toy.

"The important things are worth it."

Important.

Learning to use your prosthetic is hard. Learning to trust is hard.

It was with Caleb, it is with all of them. It is a constant struggle. A constant weight. To try.

They catch you, with a security net. Give you space to breathe, so you can stand back up again.

You think about what you want, think about what will make you happy… what is worth living for.

It is the reason to keep getting up.

You want to see Rafayel's work, you want to see the people you care about. You want to keep your promise to a man who values you. A hesitant shaky hand takes Sylus' where it hovers. The way you can watch him heave a sigh, the tension in him easing, as he clasps yours between both of his. Tight, but not suffocating. He grounds you, and it doesn't burn.

"What do you think, Kitten? Do you want to try?"

Sylus has never belittled you for tears, or made you feel your emotions are a mistake. When you are drowning, he offers a hand. When you anger and hurt, he is there, either to join you in your hurt, or to help appease it.

He offers you a choice, and he means it. If you truly do not want to, you know he will accept it. If you want to, he will help.

"I want to try."

He nods, pulling you up with him, to stand, straight into his chest. So that you can feel his uneven heart beating against you. "Then let's get you ready."

—-----

He should never have left so early. He should have stayed with you.

Rafayel left the apartment in frustration and anger and now he stares at his phone, hoping to see your name pop up.

It is an agitating feeling. To be stood on the edge of the cliff and not know if there's water below.

He has forced himself to listen to Thomas, to go through the motions, to ensure his exhibit is set up correctly. He has sat under too bright lights, feeling himself drying up, as he waits. As the clock hand moves, as he thinks, and he struggles.

If he keeps running, will you stop chasing him?

As his exhibit starts, he checks again, only to see a message from the doctor, 'Good luck today'. He doesn't respond. He stares at it. It's unsettling. He doesn't want the doctor to wish him good luck. He doesn't want his comfort.

He doesn't need it.

Even when his agitation settles a moment, and he hides it from Thomas who asks him why he's smiling. He's not.

That doesn't mean anything.

He does not wave at Xavier as he walks through the door, milling around the paintings quietly. Avoiding the bigger crowds. He tries not to think about the fact that he's come to see.

It doesn't matter.

As time passes, Rafayel fidgets.

Stares at the door.

Fidgets.

Stares at the door.

He walks around the room, passes Xavier, who hands him water quietly, then walks off. He stares down at it, but he's parched, the crowds are tiring him out, the people are talking like they understand him, and he just wants to be somewhere else. So he downs it, and lets the relief of the chill settle in his throat.

He talks absently to people he doesn't really care to listen to. Thomas gives him a talk about doing his duties.

Irritation settles in his stomach. He doesn't care about his duties. He cares about seeing you.

He checks his phone, and is relieved, though irritated, when he gets a message from the crow, 'We're on our way'. He sends back a thumbs up, though it is through a shaky hand. Excitement makes it unsteady.

It is when he is not staring at the door, when he hears your voice behind him. "Raffy?" Pulling away from where he is avoiding Thomas' lectures, he takes you in. Your hand is grasped in the crow's, eyes darting around the room. You're wearing your prosthetic, a dark blue jacket over your shoulders, painted with green and blue flowers. Flared trousers and a light shirt. He absently thinks that the crow's style isn't too ridiculous, if it means you visit his exhibits like this. Like one of the flowers in a garden he wants to take you.

"Cutie!" It is relief and it is the weight of hundreds of years that shed. He waited, he waited, and you came. He takes your hand away from the crow, not without giving a smug little smile, which receives him a smirk, and kisses the back of it. "You made it."

He watches your eyes glisten, he can feel the heat off your cheeks. Not all embarrassment, he knows some of it is stress, but it is enough. "You don't have to stay long." He promises, it doesn't matter how long you stay. You came. You came, no matter what.

You came, and he knows it wasn't easy.

The laugh you release, it trembles, like your hand, but it is accompanied by the small smile he is learning to draw with his eyes closed. "Show me your work?"

"I'll go find the prince, call me if you need me." The crow offers, he leans, kissing your temple, before he leaves. You blink after him a bit, touching where he kissed with your hand, pulling it from Rafayel's grasp, and then look at him. He glares after the man, but doesn't offer much of a response.

"Come on then cutie, you're mine." He doesn't look as he grabs your hand, and he knows he is grinning at you. Pulling you forwards with him, darting to where his art calls for you.

He doesn't notice the chill in your hand, until he eases his fingers over it. Feeling grooves and edges. He almost releases when he realises he has grabbed your prosthetic, you are staring down at it with him.

Rafayel looks at you, tries to read the look in your eyes. It is soft, and awed and gentle. So he raises it to his lips, kissing the wrist. You tremble, blinking, before tightening your grip just a little.

It is the soft, warm look in your eyes, as you tug him forward a little bit more, a laugh bubbling out of you. "Come on Raffy."

He takes you around all of his paintings, and just watches you.

You don't offer him opinions or thoughts often, he has learned if he gives you space to look, you can tell him how you feel. What his art brings out in you. If he looks closely at your face, he can watch it. Trembling in your eyes.

As you flit amongst paintings, like a butterfly amongst flowers, tugging him along with you. He follows willingly.

There are moments when you stop, and your hand twitches out. Like you are holding back the urge to run your fingers over the paint. Tracing shapes, touching at his heart directly.

He wants to tell you that you can do as you please. That you are the one who he wants to understand him most. That his art, and his soul are yours to do with as you like. That you could tear images from his canvas, and he would still paint more for you.

Finally you find yourself in front of his struggle. Bleached bones on the beach, tides easing out. Leaving scars behind.

At the edges of the horizon, the sun rises again. Painting the once dreary sky in a rainbow.

You are the sunrise that greets him, that reminds him that time moves forwards. That there is something to see after the night.

That tomorrow has a chance for better than today.

You bloom like a flower before his eyes, a sight he could never have seen beneath the waves. A reminder of why he came to visit the surface every year. A reminder of all the wonders of land that he idolised as a child.

"Beautiful." Is exhaled, and he is unsure if it was you or him. The twinkling in your eyes, perhaps it was both.

Eventually he feels the strain in your countenance, the exhaustion, so he sneaks with you out of the exhibit. Escaping into gardens that are quiet, and closed to others. A locked gate has never kept him out of anywhere, however.

It is the quiet that settles you, and he settles alongside you. No longer wearing a mask he does not want for people who come to stare at his work. He pulls you amongst flowers, fields of lilies, and whispers of petals.

Secluded and alone. The way he feels best with you.

Lying down in the grass, to look up at the sky, stars twinkling.

It is with the view of the stars that you speak, voice tinged in a guilt he wishes to chase away, "I almost didn't come. I'm sorry Raffy."

His eyes turn to you, to read the draw of your lips, the pain in your eyes, the way you tighten your grip on his hand. Cool metal against skin that reacts to you more than any other. Sensitive, aware.

Your touch will always alight his senses.

He knows the hesitation, he thinks about the way you wavered on the edge, hand extended to you as you feared to take it. He knows that you are adjusting. He regrets asking you to promise, to put that weight on your shoulders.

He is relieved you came. To see him, to stare at the workings of his heart, and yearn to trace it with fingers.

His patience and his need fight often. His awareness of pushing, his desperation. It is hard to balance.

"What changed your mind?"

You edge a little closer on the grass, so that the heat of him spreads over the sensors of your prosthetic. Alongside the gentle stroking of his thumb over your hand. "Sy told me you wanted me to be here… and I wanted to be here for you."

Rafayel's first instinct is the kind of reaction he's seen cats get to water. Hissing and jumping up. Shaking himself furiously.

There is great dissatisfaction at comparing himself to the demons.

There is greater dissatisfaction at the crow, helping him. In any way.

It is a feeling of being pulled back by the scruff of his neck, away from the abyss he seeks out. The fall into the ocean.

The agony on the edge of the conscious.

You poke his cheek with your other hand, then brush hair back and his heart settles its seething. "I'm glad."

"Glad?"

"That they care for you." It is whispered, and it is tentative, and he sees the worry in your eyes.

The fear at his arguments before. The anxiety that you are causing distress.

Forcing them. Making them clash in enclosed spaces. Like caged beasts.

It is the wary voice that calls out to him, tries to ask the question about the pain in him, the voices and the agony ripping and pulling and hurting. The pain that grants him no inspiration.

They care.

A message sent to wish him luck. A quiet presence bringing him water when he dries. A fool giving you the push to move forwards to lead your feet to him.

You have not stopped looking for him and at him, and he has been holding you like a toy he does not wish to share…

It is a feeling he isn't ready to digest or question, not when the stars are bright and you are safe next to him. It is one he will think about in days to come, as he watches the doctor help him clean. As he is offered a pillow the prince favours in order to sleep better.

When the crow argues with him, but gives him food that satisfies a hunger he forgets to appease for himself.

When you do not look at him any less. That he has not lost anything, he is not lesser.

It is a feeling for later.

To help paint canvas he wants to share one day, though pain is absent, and something else glimmers in the sea.

[appleblueberry-pie]

Hi blueberry!! Since I'm hyperfixated on yandere e42!miles (again) here's a couple of scenarios I thought of! (I'm still getting used to giving ideas/ asks 😭 )

Him finding out / overhearing someone picking on reader

Finding out where reader lives

Seeing reader in public/ having a interaction in public

How Miles would act on readers birthday

Partners with miles

Class secret Santa with miles

It can be during the relationship with miles or pre relationship (I like pre relationship tho)

Can be drabbles or hcs!!

(I'm gonna be so embarrassed if you don't see this )

i saw. it's my fault that i'm taking forever.

You hated how close he was. No matter how many steps you made to create distance to get away from him, he'd cover it. You couldn't ignore him because he'd just keep talking, and even if you tried to press him to the point of making him leave, he'd flip the script on you and wouldn't take you seriously at all. You couldn't physically beat him in a fight if you wanted to, either. You just felt so powerless.

You clench your jaw and keep your eyes on the front doors leading to the outer campus of the school. But even if it was close enough to see, it was still far enough for your bully to get his piece in.

"Let me walk you home, ma."

"I said no."

"You need to stop with that distancing shit. We've known each other too long for you to be all cold with me, you feel?"

"No, I don't fucking feel, nigga. Leave me alone."

"Shit, okay."

Yet, here he was, close enough to continue whispering into your ear. You fucking hated his stupid smirk on his face, that dumbass cologne he wears that gives you a headache, and his mouth. He can just never ever shut up. He always wants to push you on the edge.

And sadly, you were at that edge. Your stomach hurt from eating some weird shit earlier, your period wasn't helping with that, you didn't get sleep last night and you just wanted to go home and have some personal space for once.

His hand goes to grab your tense arm and once you feel him breaching past your comfort zone and breaking your limits simultaneously, you would've shoved him off of you if it wasn't for someone yanking him a good 5 feet away from you.

Both of your heads turn to the person that put themselves in your shitty situation and see Miles, fuming, holding your bully by his collar. You were taken aback by his random entrance, and was especially left with your mouth agape at the way he was confronting your bully.

You've heart multiple stories from kids all around your school about how Miles was. How he gets into crazy ass fights every single day for possibly no fucking reason. About how he gives everyone the cold shoulder, has a crazy mouth and gives no one mercy. How he has no friends, scares everyone away and gives everyone shit. You didn't believe anything because he was so nice to you. Always chill and looking out for you. But you didn't miss the looks people gave you, ones of disbelief when they'd see him open up to you like they were seeing an entire other side of him.

Maybe you were the blind one.

"Watch where the fuck you putting yo hands, nigga." He was spitting them words in that boy face like no one was watching. People began coming around corners, popping up out of nowhere to see who was shouting. Your bully made a full 180, raising his hands, telling Miles he didn't want any trouble and was just poking fun at you. Miles was having none of it.

Miles shoved him into the closest locker as if he was a stuffed animal, the sound of the harsh collision booming echoing in the hallways. Even when you went to grab Miles, he never loosened his death grip on the poor guy, simply brushing you off.

"Miles. Miles just let him go."

"Nah, give me a second, babe."

Give it another second, and the boy is on the ground, continuous iron hits ruining his face. Every time Miles' knuckle makes contact with their face, you cringe in disgust and everyone just moves on with their day, knowing they'd be next if they interfered.

He just seemed to punch harder the more you attempted to pull him off of the boy and once you jerked him hard enough by the arm, you got him to stumble off from being on top of him and you tried to ignore the blood dripping from his hands.

"Lets go."

Everyone stared as you basically dragged him towards the entrance of the school. Miles kept his eyes on your bully like he wouldn't forget his face until he was dead. It terrified you. Everything was rubbing you the wrong way.

When the cold outside breeze hit your face, you didn't stop walking until you turned the corner away from watching eyes and gave Miles a look.

Why

He gave you one back that didn't comfort you.

I had to. Please understand

You fear this was going to turn into a never-ending loop with him.

[poguemunson]

The Morning After

Eddie Munson x Reader (1.3k)

note: i haven’t written anything for months so i am a little rusty so please take it easy on me. if you have any requests please send them my way!

buy me a kofi masterlist

Summary: You try to sneak out the morning after sleeping with your best friend, Eddie because you think he will regret it.

Warnings: suggestive themes (mentions of sex), slight angst, insecure!reader, mentions of alcohol, misunderstanding

******

This is not your room.

This is not your bed.

That is, however, your clothes littered on the floor.

That is your best friend, sleeping next to you, equally as naked as you are.

You are never drinking again.

Running a hand through your hair, you begin to curse yourself. You’re trying to remember the events that took place the last night, pieces of memories coming together hazily.

You had turned up to Eddie’s trailer, upset and in need of comfort and reassurance. You had yet another failed date and you were feeling like shit about yourself. When you thought about the last time you genuinely felt happy, of course, your best friend of seven years was the first person to come to mind.

What you didn’t plan on was the pair of you getting wasted and hooking up.

Sure, the reason the dates were failing was that you were head over heels for your best friend. But your drunk brain decided to go for the kiss and let fate take over the rest.

“Fuck, fuck,” You murmured to yourself. The last thing you wanted to do was wake Eddie up with your panic.

Did Eddie just feel sorry for you? Did he just feel obligated to go through with something with you because he believed you couldn’t handle another failed experience with a boy?

That had to be it.

During the seven years of friendship, Eddie had never shown any interest that wasn’t platonic. He was flirty but that was just Eddie, right?

You had to get out of there.

You quickly dressed as quietly as you could. The last thing you wanted was to face Eddie. You wouldn’t be able to handle seeing the look of regret etched onto his face.

Eddie would never actively go for someone like you. You’re his best friend. The one stable thing, apart from Uncle Wayne, that he had in his life and you had screwed that up for him.

You spared a glance at Eddie. He was still seemingly asleep. He looked peaceful, you could’ve sworn there was a slight smile on his lips. You tried your hardest to try to remember him this way.

Maybe Eddie wouldn’t want to see you anymore after this. Would he do that?

You couldn’t begin to think about it. You pushed yourself out of the room, sending a thank you to whoever upstairs made sure that this event happened the day Uncle Wayne wasn’t home from the night shift yet.

Stepping out of the trailer, you closed the door as quietly as you could. You cringed when it made a loud squeak.

“Please don’t wake up,” You whispered. You would cross your fingers if your hands weren’t shaking so badly.

You waited a minute to see if you could hear any movement in the trailer, trying to determine whether to make a run for it or not. Once you were sure the coast was clear, you turned to leave, freezing when you caught the eyes of one of Eddie’s neighbours.

Maxine. You recognised her as one of Dustin’s friends. You had seen her around him a few times in town.

You put your hand up in an awkward wave to which she raised an eyebrow at you in reply before she made her way into her trailer. You were just praying she didn’t decide to call up Dustin to let him know that she had witnessed his babysitter doing the walk of shame.

Guess today wasn’t your day.

You stopped in your tracks once you felt the cold water drop land on your arm.

Yeah. Today wasn’t looking up apparently.

Looks like you get to enjoy a nice walk home in the rain. Fantastic. Just fantastic.

“You’re still here.”

You almost jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice. He had always been good at sneaking up on people. Of course, it helps when you’re zoned out, focusing on the horror of a day you’ve been having. It doesn’t look like it’s even 9 AM yet.

“Yeah,” You let out an awkward laugh, turning to face him but making a conscious effort not to make eye contact, “Was just about to head off.”

He was now dressed. His hair was a mess from his sleep and their night together. If you closed your eyes, you could probably still imagine how it felt to run your fingers through it.

“Run away, don’t you mean?” Eddie questioned. You hadn’t heard it before but there was no mistaking the hurt in his tone. You finally met his gaze.

“I’m not running away,” You replied.

Eddie scoffed, “Okay, so what is this then?”

He raised a hand to gesture to you standing outside his trailer. You could practically feel your throat go dry.

“I didn’t let anyone know I wasn’t coming home last night. I don’t want to worry anyone,” You told him. It wasn’t a total lie but it wasn’t the whole truth. You just didn’t want to own up to the fact that you were ferried that if you stayed around Eddie any longer, you would start apologising.

“Just because I’m yet to graduate high school doesn’t mean that I’m that dumb,” Eddie shot back. You opened your mouth and then closed it before taking a deep breath.

“I know you’re not dumb.”

“So tell me the truth,” Eddie leaned his back against the entry of the trailer.

“I didn’t want to face you,” You admitted.

“And why’s that?” Eddie countered.

“I didn’t want to see you mad at me. I didn’t want to stand here and do exactly what we are doing right now because it’s mortifying. I get that it means I’m running away from my problems but from where I’m standing right now, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” You stated with a shake of your head.

“You’re that embarrassed?” Eddie quizzed. You let out a scoff.

“I’m sorry that last night happened. I get that you regret it, okay? We don’t need to have this conversation. You don’t feel that way about me. End of story,” You told him.

Eddie’s eyes widened a fraction before laughing loudly at you. You have never been a violent person but right now? You wanted to clock him.

“Can you stop laughing at me?”

“You beautiful idiot,” Eddie laughed, running a hand down his face. You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you complimenting me or insulting me?” You asked. Eddie shook his head in disbelief before taking a step closer to you.

“Both,” He replied before cradling your face in his hand and pressing his lips to yours. Your brain was going haywire because what the fuck?

His lips were so soft. Somehow softer than they were last night and you couldn’t help but completely melt into him.

Before you remembered.

“Wait,” You pulled away from him, his lips already trying to chase yours, “I don’t understand.”

Eddie laughed, his hand going to your cheek again to ensure you looked him in the eyes.

“I thought you regretted last night,” Eddie said.

“Why the fuck would I- Oh.”

You were both idiots.

“So… you don’t regret it?” You questioned.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been in love with you since we were kids,” Eddie informed, beginning to trail kisses down your neck, your eyes fluttering close at the feeling, “The only thing I regret is that I don’t remember everything.”

You pulled away with a smile, reaching for his hand and tugging him back towards the opened door of his trailer.

“I say we get a do-over.”

Eddie’s lips curled into a grin before wrapping his arms around your waist to hoist you over his shoulder to get you back into his room faster.

“What are we waiting for then?”

[leafington]

𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 .ᐟ - kei t. 📼 ; 009

With what time she's been given, she's spent all of it with Tsukishima. From going out on dates, to home dinners at one or the other's place, she's gotten to know more about him now that her free time has expanded.

He likes strawberry shortcake, he's been playing volleyball since highschool, he's known Yachi since that time too. He's always been this tall, his appetite isn't huge, though she'll force him to eat every now and then (just like how Hoshima would), sometimes he jams his fingers during practice because he forgets to stretch them out and lock them, often following up with a joke on how she could help him work them out (just like Yuki would). And other times, he sends a stupid little piece of media or random facts about dinosaurs before going to work and Y/n can never not making fun of him for it (just like Cyuti).

She hasn't been this deep in thought for a while, what's gotten her so trapped now? Tsukishima snaps her out of her headspace by rattling her head around lightly as he passed by. "Anybody home in there?" He jokingly knocks, leaning against the back of his couch. "Yeah, just thinkin'." She tilts her head back to meet his gaze. Y/n found herself staying over his place more than ever now, occasionally spending the night, just to have something to occupy herself with. "Nothing to worry about, so don't go giving me that 'Get out of your head.' crap, I'm okay." She eases his worries.

Quality time isn't the only reason she's around him a lot. He's keeping his promise too. To assist in getting her better, he tries to have an open ear for any concerns and issues she might have, even if it involves listening to her sniffle and snot over the phone during the middle of the night—he doesn't force her to speak on anything she's not comfortable with or obliated to say, allowing her to come forth with what she's ready to share with him. Even if he does get a little frustrated from her sporadic lack of communication.

"You working today?" Y/n follows his movements when he walks around to sit next to her. "Nope. I called out, thought I'd check in on the whole... therapy thing." He gestures with an open hand. "It's going pretty well actually, I go for another session on Monday." She smiles, pulling her legs close to her chest. It's easy to tell she's proud of the progress she's made. "You're home a lot more, you really just leave to go to work." Tsukishima shrugs, his eyes zoned in on her own, but his mind completely elsewhere. "It's my apartment. I can be here as much as I need to, if anything, you seem to be around more often. What's that about?"

The squeaking of his ceiling fan, slight running of the A.C., the air flowing out of the ventilation system, all those tiny sounds get louder in Y/n's ears. As for Tsukishima, it's dead silent, there's no sound ricocheting off the anatomy of his ear. Quiet.

Her hands come down to her ankles, fidgeting with the hem of her pant legs, thinking, pondering on how to bring this up without receiving his sympathy.

"I'm on a hiatus." Y/n looks back toward him, engaging his reaction and she can sense him wanting to say something . "Is it m—"

"It's not you, I swear. It was something the girls recommended, then I brought it up with my manager who was fine with it and when it got to the big guys they had some slick shit to say so now I'm restricted from group activities until I 'get better'." She air-quotes, clutching onto the cotton trousers. "It's stupid but I'm glad to be able to have some time away from all that." Y/n waves off, staring at him in return.

"Be happy! Now we don't have to worry about scheduling as much now, I can be with you as long as I want since you're more focused on work." She pokes his face, chuckling when he swats her hand away. "I am... that's good, great even. It's just... a shock, you didn't tell me you were on a break." He mumbles awkwardly, and Y/n's quick to groan and try to lighten up the mood. "I was going to! I just knew you were gonna be all sad about it so I kinda avoided it, but hey, I eventually said something." Her foot finds it's way to his side, now looking for a better reaction out of him.

Oh how childish she can be. "Okay.. as long as you're happy." Tsukishima swats that limb away too. "What did the higher-ups say? Out of curiosity." Y/n sucks her teeth, scratching the back of her neck out of embarrassment. "Nothing of importance, I'm just in a little trouble. BUT," She raises a hand in front of his face as if stopping his brain from coming up with a reply. "I'm getting it handled, and yes I'll come to you if something pops off, so don't worry your pretty little head about it." She reassures him, her hands coming up to squish and play with his face.

Y/n's not the only one learning from this relationship, he tries to take into account all the little things she does—like how physical she gets to teasing him with (mildly) raunchy texts out of boredom. And while she's lightly tugging on his cheeks, it dawns on Tsukishima that only he gets to see this part of her. Her fans may see certain aspects, but they don't know the Y/n he knows. He gets to see her throughout the week, he's her safe space for vulnerability, he's her motivation to better herself.

Him. And no one else.

Tsukishima gives in to her playfulness, relaxing his face and holding her wrists with his long fingers then caressing her them with his even larger hands. Next thing he knows he's resting his head on the valley of her chest just above her heartbeat that thump! thump! thumps! against his ear, trapping her underneath his stature. He's breathing her in, almost checking to see if this was all true and that she was actually his. His senses overtaken by her, seeing her, feeling her, hearing her, smelling her. All that's left is to—

"You're heavy." The noise of grimace coming from beneath him. "And you're comfortable." He comes back, going so far as to nuzzle into her. She groans in annoyance, trying to pry him off but it's no good, he's stuck there until he absolutely has to move. Y/n didn't take him for a cuddler, much less clingy, but even the toughest guys need comfort. She lets out a breath of air, finally accepting he wasn't moving any time soon and held onto him so he wouldn't fall (as if he would) and his entire body submits to her touch the minute her hand snakes under his shirt, albeit receiving goosebumps from the sudden skin-to-skin. Just how deep in is he?

ᐟᐟ☆ fun facts 🥂

₊ ⊹ that post is one of the most liked of the account ₊ ⊹ the picture tsukishima and yn took was actually taken earlier, he just waited because hes a private guy ₊ ⊹ yamaguchi has seen yn before (props to yachi) but has never actually met her, he's also went through her account a few times ₊ ⊹ i snuck more lyrics in the written portion 😛😛 ₊ ⊹ the previous messages from itsuki are old, she glances at them rather than opening it ₊ ⊹ yn is trending on twitter because of the sudden suspension of her account and speaking of suspension ₊ ⊹ because the company doesn't have access to the accounts and only monitors them, they had to mass report it in order for it to have been taken down ₊ ⊹ cliffhanger because i'm an asshole 🌝🌝

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play the next tape? ──── yes. / previous.

current taglist! - @eujoana89 @cr4yolaas @nbcvs @muskratlove @phoenix-eclipses @yuminako @tsukistopglazer @happiness2014 @babyyitsval @diorzs @keioover @dilfhwa @clozo @solvisun @albakugo

©2024 leafington dont steal please!! :)

[straylightdream]

trust fund baby - “𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐡, 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦”

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: hwang hyunjin x f.reader

college au

↳ Escaping the planned out future your family has for you leaves you mess. You were born with anything you could ever want and yet you don’t want the life that has been planned for you. He’s a struggling painter who was a loner all his life until he found his friends. From the moment he met you captivated by you, even when he has to take care of you. “Do you ever feel lonely in a room filled with people?”

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ only, listen below the cut

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.8k

𝐚𝐧: this is a part of my connecting connect stray kids college au series SSFW. this can be read as one shot tho. You don’t need to read the other stories to know what’s going on. This switches pov from Hyunjin to the readers. Sections labeled Lost Boy is Hyunjin’s pov.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: first time sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, begging, oral (male receiving) names such as: (baby), mentions of alcoholism, and drugs (the mc is a hot mess)

-LONELY BOY-

Aloner is someone who prefers to do things alone. Hyunjin most of his life could have been referred to as a loner. It wasn’t until Sophomore year of college when he finally found a group of friends that brought him out of his shell. When he was in high school he didn’t really have friends and never went to parties or anything. He spent most weekends home in his room working on either drawing or painting. When he finally moved away for college he thought this might be his chance for things to be different. Freshman year he tried to get out of his shell some more. He found some friends and went to parties here and there.

Junior year he moved off campus and moved in with Changbin and some of his friends. Living with friends really pushed him out of his comfort zone and gave him a chance to really grow. He even became close with Felix, one of Minho’s friends.

Junior year was an interesting year for Hyunjin, he seemed lost in his art. Most of his free time was dedicated to attempting to paint a whole series painting for an exhibit. He needed to finish twenty paintings in five months. If all went right they would auction off his paintings and he could make some decent money to hold him over while he worked on new paintings to sell.

For the last week Hyunjin had been trapped in his room attempting to figure out this painting. He was only leaving the apartment to go to class. Sitting at the kitchen table next to his roommates Minho and Angel he was more tired than he normally was. His newly bleached hair was falling in his face as he stared at the cup of coffee Minho had placed in front of him. Pushing his fingers through his messy hair he sighed. He was struggling to figure out what his next painting needed to be. Looking up he found Angel staring at him, her eyebrows were knitted together as she focused on him.

“You know eating is essential to living right?” she says pushing the plate of toast that was in the middle of the table closer to him.

His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. If it wasn’t for his roommates he would probably forget to do basic tasks at this point. These twenty paintings have taken up all his mental capacity at this point.

“Hyunjin, you need to take a break from this project. You’ve finished four of the paintings and you still have four months,” Angel has pointed out to him before that she’s concerned with how lost he seems to get when he’s focused on one project.

“I think you need to take a break for a day or two,” Minho chimes in.

Hyunjin grabs a piece of toast and doesn’t say anything before taking a bite of the bare white toast. Minho and Angel’s eyes are focused on him as he chews the dry bread. Setting the toast on the table he sighs. “I’ll take a break for the weekend. Felix asked if I wanted to have lunch today with him. He wants me to meet his new roommate.”

“Oh yeah he ended up getting a new roommate right after winter break,” Minho says.

“Is that the trust fund girl?” Angel asks standing up.

“Felix told me a little bit about her. He said she’s sweet but kinda a hot mess.”

Hyunjin hasn't met his friend's new roommate but he’s seen you on instagram. Felix sent him your instagram when you reached out to move in with him. Hyunjin was surprised you were looking for somewhere to live half way into the school year, but according to Felix you got into a blow up with your father and moved out telling him you could live independently.

-LOST GIRL-

You were born with everything you could have possibly wanted, and yet it didn’t matter. Your mother came from old money and your father owns a bank. Your whole life you’ve been surrounded by so many people, and yet you felt so lonely. There were many charity events you attended with your family, and tons of people were there biting at the bit to talk to you, and it didn’t matter. You never fit into this elite society you were brought up in. Your mother was a socialite that thrived in a crowd, and your fathers ego loved to be stroked at these lavish parties.

Growing up you were a well behaved child that did everything anything your parents asked of you. Your older sister was the star of the family. She’s five years older than you, as a preteen you watched as all types of men fell at her feet. You realized in your preteen years you didn’t want to be socialite. You didn’t want people chasing after you for your money, and you sure as hell didn’t want to live as your fathers puppet. His goal was to marry off both his daughters to equally as rich or richer men.

At fifteen you attended your sister's wedding to a very rich man who came from old money just like your mother. The wedding, an event for the decade, was all the upper class could talk about when the Heiress of Brighton Banking was marrying Lee Seok Min. The pair dated for a year before they were engaged. You were fourteen when they started dating and when you first met your future brother in law you thought your sister loved him. You think in the beginning she actually loved him. When your lives have been planned out for you, it's a little hard to be happy. The engagement between them happened right after a fight led to them breaking up. You have a core memory of walking by your fathers office and hearing your sister scream at him that Seokmin didn’t actually love her, and that she didn’t love him either. Standing in the ballroom where the lavish reception was being held you watch your sister carefully. The little faces she would make as her new husband kissed her let you know that this marriage was a political move made for money and social status by your parents and the Lee’s.

After the wedding was when you started to pull back. You stopped attending most events, you threw yourself into focusing on school. You hoped that if you were able to get accepted to a good university far away, maybe you could escape your parent’s control.

Senior year of high school was when you started to rebel. You became more social that year of high school. Freshly eighteen you started doing everything to avoid any event your family attended. When all the money in the world is in your hands it’s not hard to find bad habits. Parties with people from school became your favorite pastime. Occasionally you found yourself with a popular boy who had a fondness for sex and white powder he liked to snort.

Many nights you passed out at his luxury house doing anything you possibly could to avoid going home. The sunlight would come up on Sunday morning and you would pull yourself away from his bare body. Stumbling into your house sometimes hungover and sometimes completely sober you didn’t try to be sneaky. Your parents were well aware of how much you hated being home. Your mother asked you to stop acting up once, but when you informed her your boyfriend was a popular rich boy from the Byun family and she suddenly didn’t care. There was a stinging feeling in your chest when you realized your mother didn’t love you like you thought she did. She loved the idea of you elevating your family's social status even more than your sister did.

College was your great escape, at least you thought it was. The problem was you didn’t get accepted into a university far away. Instead you found yourself at an amazing university with a great academic program near home. Freshman year you were still seeing the same rich popular boy, he had the same love for white powder and sex. Since the beginning of your relationship with him you’ve tried his favorite pastime a couple times but tried to stay away from it. That relationship burned down when you found him in bed with someone else. The beginning of sophomore year was a blur, you threw yourself into focusing on school, and occasionally found yourself fighting with your father. Sophomore year things between you and your father got worse.

During the winter of sophomore year you snapped when your father informed you he wanted you to start dating a very rich boy named Kim Doyoung who was attending the same university as you. You went on one date with the boy and quickly realized that your father fully planned on having you married to him by next winter. A screaming match ensued between you and your father. You told him all about how you aren’t some puppet you can control.

“I refuse to live in a loveless marriage,” you screamed.

“Watch your tone child,” he sat at his desk, barely fazed by your screaming.

“Wendy doesn’t love Seokmin, and I won’t marry someone just for money like she did.”

The screaming match went on for too long and it ended with you telling him you needed to move out. This is the fight that led to you getting drunk to forget how hurt you were. You lived with one of your friends from school Seungmin’s couch for a week before he helped you find a place to stay. He recommended his classmate Felix who had an open room. Using the money from your trust fund you reach out to Felix to move in.

Just because you're away from home doesn't mean your fights with your father stopped. Even away from he tried to control your life.

You quickly became friends with Felix, and he quickly realized that the stress of dealing with your father was getting to you. Two weeks into living with him you went to a party and got wasted after a screaming match with your father. You called Seungmin and he came to your rescue before taking you home. Sitting on the bathroom floor puking up all the dark liquid you had drunk Felix held your hair back and took care of you.

-LONELY BOY-

Friday afternoons Hyunjin normally hung out with Felix. They would normally order coffee after their lab they had together and then would go back to Felix’s house and get any homework they needed to work on done. Their homework sessions normally lasted two hours before Felix had to go to his next class during the evening.

This Friday had been going just like it normally did. Hyunjin walked into Felix’s apartment with his coffee in hand. Sitting at the small black kitchen table he worked on his art history homework that was taking up too much time.

The front door swung open and a very drunk girl stumbled in. Felix shut his laptop and immediately rushed over to you as you fell on the floor attempting to take off your boots. “YN not again” Felix drops to his knees in front of you.

“Hi,” your voice is high pitched as you sway a little bit.

Hyunjin shuts his laptop and watches unsure on what to do as Felix is talking to you. Felix helps you remove your boots that you were struggling with.

“YN how much did you drink?” Felix asks, realizing right away how drunk his roommate was. Hyunjin stood there unsure of what to do.

“I don’t know. I feel sick,” you mumbles.

Felix pushed your hair away from your face, “did you get in a fight with your dad again.” From what Felix had told him you only got drunk when you and your father got into blow up screaming matches. He said it’s only happened a handful of times.

You swayed a little before Felix pulled you into his chest. Hyunjin was frozen in place, unsure of what to do.

“Are you going to puke?” Felix asked, rubbing your back as he held you close.

“I think so,” you mumbles with the nausea feeling taking over you. “I can’t walk you,” you whined.

Felix takes a deep breath, still rubbing your back. Hyunjin moves closer so he stands right by them and Felix. “Do you need me to carry her?” He finally speaks.

Felix looks up at his friend with a pleading look in his eyes, “please I can’t lift her.”

Hyunjin squats down behind you. He pulls you away from your roommate and you look up at the beautiful boy with long bleached hair. You smile as you close your hazy eyes, unable to focus on him. Without another word he picks you up bridal style and carries you out of the living room. You looked up at him trying to focus on his beautiful lips. How would it feel to kiss someone with pillow soft lips. Reaching up you touch the soft skin that runs across his jaw. Hyunjin feels conflicted suddenly as you touch him in your drunken state.

“Who are you?” Your voice is low and barely audible.

“Hyunjin,” he says as he sits you down on the cold tile floor near the toilet.

“You’re the boy who is always leaving his painting stuff here,” you mumbled.

Before Hyunjin can even respond you start to puke up the dark liquid you drank to forget your fight with your father. Felix came rushing in and held back your hair as you threw up. He rubs your back saying it’s okay. The same sweet encouraging words he always tells you.

Hyunjin watches as Felix gently takes care of you for about thirty minutes before he excuses himself to go get you a bottle of cold water. He comes back into the bathroom handing you the bottle of water and asks for you to drink it. He asks Hyunjin to talk with him in the hallway.

“Hyunjin I hate to do this but I need to go to class. Can you possibly take care of YN until I get home. It’s my Lit class I can’t miss. The class is two hours long and I’ll come right back when I get out of class.” Felix stares at Hyunjin with a pleading look in his eyes.

Before today Hyunjin had never even met you properly and now Felix was asking him to take care of you.

Felix went to class and for a while Hyunjin sat on the bathroom floor next to you. At first he was unsure of what he should do. Sitting on the floor leaning against the wall you started to sober up as you stared at your roommate's friend.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Bringing the water bottle up to your lips, you drink the cold water. “I’m better now.”

This is the first time Hyunjin officially met you. He sat on the bathroom floor with you for about an hour before you complained about being hungry.

Bending down, he helps you stand up. He helps guide you to the living room where you sit down on the living room couch. He goes off into the kitchen and works on making something to eat. He comes back in with a plate of toast and citrus flavored soda.

“My mom used to always give me this when I was sick growing up.” He sits down on the couch next to you holding out the plate.

Slowly you eat the dry toast hoping it will help fill your empty stomach. You move so you’re sitting on the couch with your back against the arm rest and your legs are curled up close to you.

-LONELY GIRL-

You haven’t ever had someone look after you other than Felix while you’ve been drunk. In the short period of time you’ve known Felix he’s gone out of his way to take care of you when you’ve been a mess, but you didn’t expect his friend who doesn’t really know you to be as kind. You’ve seen him a few times in passing but you never met him. The first time you saw him in your kitchen with Felix you automatically noticed how beautiful he is. Now sitting next to him on the couch you can’t help but stare at his beautiful full lips.

The longer you sit there on the couch eating the better you start to feel.

“Do you want to talk about what you’re feeling?” he asks, holding out the citrus soda for you.

“No,” you shake your head before taking another bite of your toast.

There is something so gentle about the way he looks at you. There is zero judgment in his eyes as he watches you.

“Okay that’s fine.”

You finish the toast he made you and you work on slowly drinking your soda when Felix walks into your apartment. He shuts the door and takes his shoes off. He stops in front of the couch and looks between you and Hyunjin. He sits down on the couch next to you. Reaching over he rests your hand on your knee and gently squeezes it.

“Are you feeling better?”

Silently you nod your head.

“Thank you for taking care of her,” he looks over at Hyunjin.

“No problem.”

“I should probably head home, I need to work on my painting.” You stay on the couch as you watch Hyunjin leave. Felix walks him out before he comes back into the apartment and finds you in the same spot you had been in since Hyunjin helped you to the couch.

“Did you have a bad fight with your dad?” Your roommate hasn’t known you very long but he knows all about your struggles with your family.

“Yes,” you whisper, embarrassed that you let your fight with your father get the best of you.

The rest of the night you spent in your room trying to rest and sober up more. When the morning came you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that Hyunjin took care of you while you were drunk. Only Felix had really ever seen you that drunk.

Looking over at the clock on your nightstand you were reminded you had class in an hour. You got up to start your day. You brush your teeth and do your hair before getting dressed in something warm to wear for the day. Walking into the kitchen you’re caught off guard when you find Hyunjin sitting at your kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and his sketch pad. You instantly feel embarrassed this boy had to take care of you while you were drunk. Part of you wants to run, but before you can Felix greets you.

“Good morning YN.”

“Hi,” you awkwardly wave. Sitting down at the small table across from the beautiful boy, Felix placed a cup of coffee in front of you. Hyunjin’s eyes shift from his sketch pad to you a few times as he silently studies you. There is something so gentle about him.

Felix is humming to himself as he’s in the process of mixing together what looks to be his brownies he likes to make. You glance down at the cup of coffee Felix made for you in your favorite yellow cup.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you whisper just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear.

“I’m glad I could help.” There is a softness behind his eyes, and the way he speaks to you feels sincere.

“How can I repay you for taking care of me?” You feel as if you owe him.

Looking up from his sketch pad again he knits his eyebrows together. “You don’t owe me anything.”

-

It has been a couple weeks since your fight with your dad and the cold winter air has left you feeling a little under the weather.

Luckily you had the day off from class and you could spend the day bundled up on the couch drinking tea. The front door opens and Felix walks in with an exhausted looking Hyunjin. You can’t help but watch him push his fingers through his bleached hair. Felix has mentioned Hyunjin was spending most of his time at the art studio attempting to get ready for a huge art exhibit where he was going to sell his art.

“YN, Hyunjin is gonna hang here while I run to the store for a little while,” Felix says rushing off to his room. Felix leaves as quickly as he arrives and Hyunjin is left in your kitchen sitting at the table with his sketchbook. Getting up off the couch and walking into the kitchen you find Hyunjin making a cup of tea. Looking in your fridge you attempt to find something to eat.

“Are you hungry?” Hyunjin asks, breaking the silence between you.

Turning around you find him watching. He looks so tired sitting there. He is dressed in baggy jeans and a gray hoodie.

“I think we’re out of ramen and I’m not really good at cooking,” you’re a little embarrassed that you don’t know how to cook much more than ramen.

“Did you want me to help you cook something?”

You couldn’t quite figure out why Hyunjin was always offering to help you. Before the night of the fight with your father you hadn’t spoken to him before.

“I would really appreciate that.”

Without saying a word Hyunjin starts moving around your kitchen pulling items out of the fridge and out of the cupboard. You watch him carefully wondering if you could learn to cook from him.

“Thank you again for taking care of me,” you say softly.

“No problem. I’m glad I can help.” He plates lunch for both of you and sits down at the table. You sit across from him. You take two bites of food and you can feel his eyes on you.

“You can say whatever is on your mind,” you say between bites.

“I know it’s not my place to say anything because I don’t really know you or your situation.” You know where this conversation is going. Felix and Seungmin have had similar conversations with you. “Have you thought about talking to someone?”

“Like who?”

“Like a therapist,” you were in the process of finding a therapist. Seungmin offered to help you find one.

“I’m trying to find one. Hyunjin, I want you to know I don’t drink often. There have just been a few fights with my dad that I have gotten drunk after.”

He pauses staring at you as he pushes his food around on the plate with his fork. “If you’re ever upset. You can always come to me. You are more than welcome at my apartment or I can come here.” He sounds so nervous as he is talking to you. “I would like to give you my number.”

Hwang Hyunjin is a sweet boy and too pure-hearted for you. He barely knew anything about you and he was going out of his way to make sure you knew you weren’t alone.

“I would really love to be able to see you when I’m upset. I feel like having someone to talk to would be nice.”

It’s not long before Felix comes back and somehow convinces Hyunjin to take the day off from his art project. You spent the whole day hanging out with the boys and when dinner time rolled around Felix ordered take out and put on a movie in the living room. From that night on Hyunjin became a new fixture in your life.

Since that evening you spent with Hyunjin and Felix. Hyunjin has seemed to be at your apartment nonstop. Felix often leaves him alone with you and you can’t really complain. You’ve grown to really enjoy his company. Many evenings have been spent with Hyunjin drawing in your living room with you watching him.

It’s another day and Hyunjin came over before Felix had class. You asked if he wanted to stay and hang out with you once Felix left for the day.

“What are you doing this evening?” You asked walking over to the kitchen table where Hyunjin was sitting working in his sketchbook.

“I need to go to the studio and try to finish part of my painting,” he looks even more stressed than normal.

“Would you be interested in having some company?”

He knits his eyebrows together studying you for a moment. “You want to hang out with me?”

“I like to think we’re friends so I would like to hang together” The more often Hyunjin comes over with Felix the closer you feel like you have grown to him.

“I want to hang out with you. Yeah you can come with me to the studio.”

The walk to Hyunjin studio isn’t long. The whole way there he talks about this painting he’s been trying to finish. He tells you all about how he is trying to make money off these paintings.

Walking into the studio he leads you over to a corner that he’s clearly taken over. Sitting his backpack down on the floor he pushes his fingers through his hair. You notice right away he seems more nervous than normal.

He takes a deep breath as he starts setting his supplies up. You sit in a chair by the window near him. Your eyes are focused on him as you watch him start to paint. The studio he paints in is very relaxing. You’ve heard from Felix that most of the summer Hyunjin spent here working on painting to sell. You can’t help but admire how driven Hyunjin is to make a living off his art.

“This studio is very peaceful,” you break the comfortable silence that had formed between you. He turns away from his canvas and smiles at you. Getting off the stool you walk towards him accidentally bumping a cup of paint brushes knocking them on the floor. Your cheeks burn with embarrassment as you squat down and start picking them up. He leans down squatting in front of you. “Clearly I’m the opposite of peaceful when I’m here. I’m clearly a walking disaster in every aspect of life.”

He paused, staring at you. He reaches out grabbing your hand before you could pick up another paint brush. “You are far from a walking disaster.” You don’t say anything, you just stare at him. There is sincerity behind his eyes like there always is when he looks at you.

“You have to say that,” you stand up leaving a few paint brushes on the floor.

Hyunjin picks them up and stands in front of you. Silently he reaches out pushing loose hair behind your ear. His calloused fingertips gently grazed your skin. He’s never been this close to you before in what feels like an intimate setting. “Your presence is really calming to me. I really enjoy your company.”

You’ve never felt like somebody truly enjoyed company like Hyunjin does.

“I like spending time with you-“ you pause feeling slightly embarrassed. “I like spending time with Felix and Seungmin, but things are different with you.” You’re aware you have a crush on him and you’re starting to fall for him, but you can't bring yourself to admit it out loud.

“I really like spending time with you.” His hand is lingering on your cheek as you stare at him for a moment. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth before pulling away from you. “You know if you ever want to hang out with me outside your apartment all you have to do is ask.”

“I would like to hang out more outside my apartment.”

Things between you and Hyunjin changed. He became someone you talked to every day. Even if he didn’t come over to your apartment you texted every day and sometimes you even went over to his place. You had been avoiding talking to your parents in attempts to avoid fighting. Many weekends, you find Hyunjin sitting on your couch with you hanging out and watching movies. Even a few times he convinced you to meet up with some of his friends. You quickly learned you liked Chan and his best friend turned girlfriend.

Things seemed to be going pretty good for you and you were pretty happy. Seungmin and Felix's suggestion to talk to a therapist was starting to help. Even though sometimes you felt like you were rambling on about the same thing it was nice to know someone listening.

You tried your hardest to grow and move on from the crippling feeling you were trapped under your parents hold on your life. You spent most of your time with Hyunjin these days or Seungmin, the only other person who truly understood what your life has been like.

Sitting in a coffee shop you were listening to Seungmin talk about some girl he has a bunch of classes with. For the last month Seungmin has been complaining about her. You’ve known him long enough to know he clearly has a crush on this girl.

“Enough about me and this annoying girl. How are things going with you? I feel like I don’t see you nearly as much as I used to. You’re always with Hyunjin now,” you can’t miss the smirk that plays across his lips as he mentions Hyunjin's name.

“I’m okay. Things with my dad are still bad, but I’m seeing a therapist now. Things with Hyunjin are okay.”

“Just okay?” He brings his latte up to his lips.

“He’s my friend Seungmin,” you know your friendship with Hyunjin is odd and it’s clear you like him and you’re pretty sure he likes you.

“I think you like him more than you’re admitting,” he smiles. You’ve known Seungmin for years and he’s always seemed to know what you’re thinking.

“What about you? It seems like you like this girl from your class,” you tease him knowing it will rile him up.

“(YN) you can’t change the subject.”

“He’s my friend and I think he sees me as just his friend,” you sigh.

“Maybe next time you see him you should let him know you like him.”

After your lunch with Seungmin you seemed to think about Hyunjin even more than normal.

-LONELY BOY-

It was a Saturday night and Hyunjin’s apartment was quiet. Changbin and his girlfriend went to a bar with Jisung, Chan and their girlfriends and Minho and Angel went out to dinner. You had a long and tiring day of studying so you decided to call Hyunjin asking if you could come over. Any time you texted him asking to hang out Hyunjin was happy. He had a huge crush on you but was too afraid to admit it. Spending time with you was really bringing him out of his shell.

Sitting on his bed he sketched you without you paying attention. You had become his muse without even trying.

You were scrolling through your phone but kept glancing up at him any chance you got.

“Hyunjin, have you had a girlfriend in college?” You can’t help being curious. Sitting your phone down on the bed next to you.

He pauses looking at you. Biting his bottom lip he studies your face. Taking a deep breath he sighs, “I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“Oh.”

“I’m quite inexperienced when it comes to girls.” He felt embarrassed admitting this. In his friend group he’s aware he was the only virgin and the only one who was quite inexperienced.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I'm not exactly great at talking to girls.”

“You’re fine talking to Bambi, and Angel,” you pointed out his friendship with the girls in the friend group.

“They’re like sisters to me. I’m not exactly experienced in talking to girls I would like.”

“Oh,” you stop talking. Pausing, you stared at him looking slightly hurt. “Do you see me as a sister?”

He sets his sketchbook down on his bed and looks at you for a long moment. “No.”

“But can you talk to me?”

“You’re different,” a blush creeps across his cheek.

“Is that good?”

“YN what do you want me to say here?” He’s definitely flustered by this conversation. He didn’t plan on confessing he liked you.

“I don’t know. I like you Hyunjin and I was just curious if you liked me.”

“I like you,” he’s trying his hardest to sound confident. The smile that spreads across your face is so heartwarming to him and he can’t help but get butterflies.

“Have you kissed a girl before?” Leaning forward, you get closer to him.

He nods his head. “I’ve kissed people before but haven’t gone much further with anyone.” He still feels embarrassed confessing how innocent he is. He’s managed to get through a few years of college with no sexual experience.

“Have you ever thought of doing more with someone?”

He leans in closer to you really hoping you want to kiss him as badly as he wants to kiss you. “Yes, it’s not that I don’t want to do more. I was a loner in high school and didn’t really have friends and then in college I just had my friend group and I’ve always seen Bambi and Angel as just friends.” He pauses wondering if he rambling on too much. “I’m not exactly great at flirting or letting someone know I’m interested in them.”

“You flirt with me though,” you lean in even closer.

His eyes are wide as he stares at you. He knows you’re teasing him and trying to rile him up, but he knows there’s no malicious intent behind your words. He knows you actually like him.

“Everything with you is different,” he whispers. Your nose brushes against his and it’s taking everything in him not to lean forward and press his lips to yours.

“I’m going to assume that’s good,” you whisper with your lips brushing his. “Would you want more with me?”

Pulling away you leaves him sitting there. You move, straddling his thighs as he sits with his back against the headboard. Hyunjin's head feels like it’s spinning as you sit on his thighs.

“Do you want more with me?” You repeat.

“I’m inexperienced with everything outside of kissing,” he rambles with the tips of his ears bright red.

“That’s fine. If you want more you can learn with me,” the boy below you has really broken down the walls you’ve built and you want to make him feel good.

“YN I really like you, like a lot,” his hand gently rubbed your side earning a smile from you.

“That’s good Hyunjin because I really like you.” He can’t help the goofy smile that plays across his lips.

“I want more with you.” He says.

Without saying another you lean forward pressing your lips to his for your first kiss. One hand rests on his cheek as your lips move together. The moment your lips touched Hyunjin felt the sparks he always hoped he would feel when he found the person he truly liked. His hands gripped your sides holding you close, hoping this kiss wouldn’t end.

-LOST GIRL-

Kissing Hyunjin is everything you wanted it to be. The way he sneaks his hand under your sweater so his hand is resting on the bare skin of your side. Your lips move together and you move your body as close as possible. Your legging cover core comes in contact with his already strained jean cover erection. Pulling away you can’t help but smile. Your fingers tangle in his blonde hair tilting his head back slightly earning a low moan from him. His sweet moans are music to your ears.

“Would you like my help with that?” You’re dying to know what it’s like to touch him.

His eyes go wide at your question and he stutters a bit before responding, “do you want to help?”

“I would love to.”

“Okay. What do I need to do?” He’s obviously nervous.

“Just take your jeans off and sit on the edge of the bed in your boxers.” Sitting on the floor between his legs you look up at him through your eyelashes. “Can you push your boxers down your hips?” He lifts his hips freeing his erection. You can’t help but swallow at the sight of him. “Can I touch you?” You want to make sure he’s fully comfortable with you touching him.

Silently he nods watching you. Reaching out you slowly stroke him the first time earning a moan. Your eyes stay locked on his dark eyes as you stroke his length. Watching him fall apart in your hand is something you’ll never forget. He bites his bottom lip attempting to hold back a moan.

You tighten your grip as both your hands work his length. His lips part and a soft moan passes his lips.

“Do you want my mouth?” You look at him through your lashes.

Silently he nods his head.

Leaning forward you lick his blush colored head that is already leaking precum. You want to know what it’s like for him to fall apart in your mouth. You run your tongue along the underside of his length and he whimpers softly. One of your hands rests on his thigh while the other helps with your ministration. He’s longer than anyone you have ever been with so you’re attempting to take him as much as you physically can. His hands grip the bedding below him.

“YN,” he whines.

Your eyes focus on him as you continue to take him in your mouth.

“I’m going to cum,” he moans. The sight of him so close to the brink of the edge is beautiful.

He tenses under your touch as you pull away. You work on pumping his length hoping he finds his release. With a moan he comes shooting ropes on your cheek and hand. The look on his face completely blissed out is something you’ll never forget.

Wiping away the sticky substance that was left on your cheek you can’t help but smile at how blissed out he looks sitting there.

“I can return the favor,” he’s still attempting to catch his breath.

“I’m okay.” Tonight isn’t about you. You got enough pleasure watching Hyunjin fall apart. You don’t want to rush things with him.

“Did you want to stay the night?” He asks with his eyes still closed as he lays back.

Standing up you walk over to the dresser where you see some loose napkins. You wipe away Hyunjin release from your hand and your cheek. He’s pulling up his boxers and laying on the bed. You can feel his eyes trained on your back.

“You never answered my question,” he says.

“Do you want me to stay the night?”

“Of course I do.”

“Did you want to have sex with me?” You’re curious if he just wants to have sex already.

“Yes I do, but I don’t want to do that tonight. I want you to stay so we could maybe watch a movie and cuddle. I don’t want to rush things. I’m new to all of this.”

Nothing else happened that night between you and Hyunjin. You laid in his bed dressed in his hoodie and a pair of shorts cuddled up next to him. The warmth of his body holding you close made you feel warm and cozy. You felt completely relaxed in his embrace.

When the morning sun rose you cuddled up even closer to him burying your head in his chest.

“Sleeping beauty are you awake?” He asked softly.

“I’m not ready to leave this bed.” You snuggle up closer to his body with your head resting in his chest.

He pulls your body even closer to yours. “You never told me what upset you.”

“I got into a screaming match with my dad and for once after the fight I didn’t feel lonely. I didn’t have a desire to drink away my sadness. I wanted to see you, because you make me happy.”

Your morning with Hyunjin was the domestic normalcy you craved your whole life. Not a single relationship you have ever been in was this simple. You sat in his kitchen he shared with his roommate while he made you breakfast. Sitting at the table you sipped on your coffee and watched him. There was a warmth in your chest whenever you thought about the tall boy with bleached hair. You had grown to care about him deeply and it was clear he cared about you.

When Minho and Angel walked into the kitchen together you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. Hyunjin ran off to his room to grab something for Minho. It didn’t take long for Minho to walk over and sit with you.

“YN I don’t really know you well. I can only talk from the outside looking in. I know you can be kinda a hot mess, but I think your intentions are good with him.”

“Minho,” Angel put her hand on his shoulder. Part of you feels like you should be hurt by Minho’s words but you can’t be. You know he’s just looking out for Hyunjin and you’re glad he has people who protect him.

“What Minho is trying to say. Hyunjin is a really sweet and innocent soul. Please don’t break his heart. You seem like a really sweet girl. We just are asking you not to hurt him.” You can’t take anything they're saying personally. You know they would say this to anyone.

“I care deeply for him, and he’s the first person outside of Felix or Seungmin who really seems to care about me. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Nobody can say anything else before Hyunjin comes back into the kitchen. “I don’t need you guys protecting me,” Hyunjin says. Everyone’s eyes focus on him for a moment.

“We know that,” Minho walks over patting Hyunjin on the shoulder.

His two roommates leave you and Hyunjin alone in the kitchen again. Hyunjin just stands there staring at you. You can tell he’s at a loss or what he should say.

“Don’t worry, they didn’t hurt my feelings. It’s nice to know they care about you and truly love you.”

He rests his hand on your cheek gently. He takes a deep breath staring into your eyes, “I like you so much.”

“That’s good because I like you a lot too.”

-

It had been a month since your first sleepover with Hyunjin and in that time he had grown to be not only your safe place, but he truly made you happy. Since that night together there had been a few fights with your parents that led to you running to him. With mascara streaming down your face he wiped away your tears. One particularly bad fight led to him asking to take a shower with him so he could wash away your tears. Standing under the hot water he used strawberry scented shampoo and helped by washing your hair. Rinsing your hair you step back so your wet back is pressed up against him. There’s a sense of comfort you feel when you’re with him. You feel erection pressed up against your lower back. He’s chosen to ignore it and not say anything so you do the same. His arms wrapped around you hugging you from being. He presses his lips to your temple earning a smile.

“Was coming here the first thing that popped into your mind?” He asks, breaking the comfortable silence that has formed between you. He was always the first thing on your mind no matter if you’re happy or sad.

“I didn’t have a desire to drink or do anything other than see you. My therapist said that having someone to talk to when I’m upset is helpful. I don’t feel the need to numb my pain.”

“Are you going to stay the night?”

Since that first night you gave him head you’ve explored other aspects of sexual relationships but haven’t fully had sex. You could tell Hyunjin was still nervous and you didn’t want to do anything that would make him unhappy. If or when you finally have sex and he loses his virginity you want it to be on his terms.

“If you want me to stay. I’ll stay.”

You finish showering and Hyunjin helps you dry off before dressing you in some of his clothes. Laying in his bed curled up next him your head is resting on his chest as he’s talking about another painting he had finished. You could listen to him talk about his art forever.

“Did you want to go to the studio in the morning with me?”

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” you whisper.

You listened to him talk for about an hour before you fell asleep in his arms.

-

It’s been a few weeks and Jisung was throwing a party for his girlfriend’s birthday and you didn’t plan on going when Felix invited you, but when Hyunjin brought it up while you were doing your homework sitting in his room while he was painting you couldn’t say no. You hadn’t really hung out with his friend group all at once. You had hung out with Minho and Angel plenty of times. You quickly learned they did everything together and always had wondered if there was something more between them. You had hung out with the couples in the friend group but never all of them together. You really liked Chan’s girlfriend and Chan was a total sweetheart. The other boys were sweet and the same with their girlfriends.

Hyunjin had originally asked for you to ride over to the party with him, but you had to finish an assignment so you needed to show up later. Figuring out what to wear to this party was a little difficult. You wanted to look nice but didn’t want to look like you put too much of an effort in.

Walking into the busy house you couldn’t help but be nervous. Your eyes roamed the room looking for your favorite boy. You found him standing in the middle of the living room. The moment your eyes locked he rushed over to you. He pulls you into a hug pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“Do you want anything to drink?” He asked you as he pulled away.

“Sure.” He leads you off to the empty kitchen.

“What would you like to drink?” He asks.

“Just a beer.”

Before Hyunjin can walk away you reach down grabbing his hand. You step towards him pressing your lips to his for a kiss. You haven’t really kissed him in front of people. Not even in front of Felix. He reached down resting his hand on your cheek. He smiles pulling away from him.

“I really like you Hyunjin.”

“My cherry girl, I really like you,” your stomach feels like it’s filled with butterflies.

“Can you come home with me tonight?”

“Of course,” he leans forward pressing his lips to yours for another kiss.

With a beer in your hand Hyunjin leads you off towards the living room.

Standing next to Hyunjin in the busy living room you feel so comfortable next to him. There was a time before you knew him where you could be in a crowded room and feel so lonely. But when you’re with Hyunjin you feel almost as if you’re home.

He leans down with his lips brushing your ear. Closing your eyes you smile waiting for him to say something. “What are you thinking about?” His hands gently rub your back.

“Do you ever feel lonely in a room filled with people?” You look up at him.

“I did in high school.” He’s told you before high school wasn’t the best for him.

“I did too before I met you and Felix.”

“Do you still feel lonely?”

Shaking your head you can’t help but smile, “not anymore.”

You spend the whole party by Hyunjin's side. You’ve grown to really like Hyunjin and Felix’s friend group. Everyone is really nice and even Minho seems to have warmed up to you. You’re assuming Angel might have something to do with that. You noticed very early on him and Angel seem to be closer than just friends.

After being at the party for a few hours it’s after midnight and a few people have left. You look around noticing all Hyunjin’s roommates are missing. You saw Changbin make his way out the front door a while ago taking his girlfriend with him. You realize you haven’t seen Angel or Minho in a while.

“Did Minho and Angel go back to the apartment?”

“Probably. Minho doesn’t really like parties and if he leaves normally Angel goes with him.”

“Are you ready to go back to my place?” You can’t help but be a little nervous.

“Yeah.”

Arriving at your apartment you notice Felix still at the party and can’t help but be relieved. Taking Hyunjin's hand you lead him off to your bedroom making sure to lock the door behind you.

Hyunjin stands at the foot of your bed nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater. Walking towards him you lean up pressing your lips to his for a soft kiss.

“What do you want to do tonight?” You pull away from his lips slowly.

“Um-um-“ he’s stuttering letting you know he’s nervous. “Did you want to have sex?”

You can’t help but smile as you nod. The idea of having sex with him is enough to make your body feel like it’s instantly warming up.

Leaning forward you crash your lips into his for a searing kiss. It takes very little effort for you to both work on removing your clothes. With each passing kiss you notice Hyunjin’s nerves are starting to settle.

With each kiss it’s not long before you’re both fully naked.

Sitting on your knees completely naked between his legs. Leaning forward you rest your hand on his chest. His heart is racing fast. You know he’s nervous, he’s made it clear to you he’s not experienced. You’re nervous yourself because he’s really important to you and you want his first time to be special.

“Lay down for me,” you whisper.

You’re both completely naked. Reaching forward you take his hardened length in your hand. You stroke his length earning a beautiful moan from him. Everything about the boy laying below you is captivating.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked you. If only Hyunjin knew how much you wanted him. “You’re sober right?” The tiny bit of alcohol has nothing to do with how badly you want him. You barely had anything to drink.

“I’m sober,” you purr. You’ve only had one beer at Jisung’s girlfriend's birthday party. You move so you're straddling his lap with his dick nestled between your legs. “I only drank that one beer.”

He sits up again. His hand takes your hips rubbing your wet core against his hardened length. You moan with your lips close to him. Rolling your hips the head of his cock rubs against your sensitive bundle of nerves. A gasp passes your lips as you roll your head back. Hyunjin’s large hands roam your back as if he’s trying to remember how your skin feels. “Baby,” he whimpers, rutting his hips into yours.

“I want all of you,” you moan.

Leaning forward he presses his lips on your neck. He leaves a wet trail of kisses across your skin.“You can have all of me.” His words set a fire in your veins.

“Are you sure you want your first time with me? I’m kinda a mess according to Minho.”

Reaching out his hand resting on your cheek, “there is no one else I would rather have my first time with.”

“I’m on the pill and clean,” you say. You trust Hyunjin and you hope he trusts you. He just nods.

Lifting your hips you take his length in your hand lining it up with your entrance before slowly sinking down. Hyunjin is bigger than anyone you’ve ever slept with before. There is a long moment of silence between you and the only thing that can be heard is both your heavy breathing. The look on Hyunjin's face is something of pure beauty. His eyes are blown with lust, and his beautiful soft lips are parted as staggered breaths pass them. The burning sensation between your legs causes minimal discomfort as you adjust to his size. You could stay like this forever just sitting on him filled you to the brim as you stare at his beautiful face. You take his face in your hands and gently drag your thumb across his cheek.

“Are you ready for me to move?” You ask.

“Yes.”

Slowly you lift your hips and slide back down his length. The blissed out look that plays across Hyunjin's face is absolutely intoxicating.

His hands roam any and everywhere they can reach. You’ve had quite a lot of sex since you lost your virginity but nothing has ever felt this intimate. Your name leaves his lips like a prayer. With each drag of his cock touching just the right spot inside you you can’t help but moan. Keeping a steady pace your lips crash into his muffling the moans that keep passing your lips. One of his hands takes your breast massaging it and earning a gasp as he tweaks your hardened nipple.

“I’m so close-“ he gasps “please- please- please,” he’s pleading desperately on the edge of finding his release. “Please tell me you’re close.”

Nodding your head you reach down to start rubbing your sensitive clit hoping to find your release with him. His lips are all over your neck leaving a trail of wet kisses as you fall apart moaning his name. He takes the leap right with you pulling you down to his lap keeping your body close to his still moaning as he paints your walls white. He doesn’t last very long for his first time, but everything about your time together is perfect. His head rests on your shoulder as he takes slow deep breaths trying to come down from his high. Pushing him back gently he lays down with you still on top of him. He’s still nestled inside you with no sign of pulling out.

“I like you so much,” he whispers before pressing his lips to your shoulder.

“I like you too Hyunjin.”

-

It’s been a month since you and Hyunjin’s first time. Things have been going great. You’re with him practically all the time and he makes you really happy. You’ve done your best to avoid talking to your parents. It’s been quite easy when Hyunjin is great at distracting you. You spend many evenings in the studio with him while he’s painting. You normally sit on the floor watching him while you work on your homework. You can’t help but feel proud watching him complete each of his pieces he’s been working hard on.

Today isn’t a great day for you. Your father managed to get ahold of you and your fight you had was uglier than normal. He can't seem to get past the idea of setting you up in arranged marriage like your sister was practically set up in. The phone call ended with you saying you were done. You told him he no longer controlled your life or got to make decisions for you.

Your screaming match with your father left you a crying mess. You knew when you were upset like this you needed to call Hyunjin or even Felix but you didn’t, instead you reached for the bottle of whiskey you had in your closet you hadn’t touched in a very long time.

Grabbing the bottle you head off to the kitchen grabbing a can of coke and sitting down at the table with a glass in front of you. You quickly drink the first strong concoction you made attempting to help with the anger and sadness taking over you. After multiple therapy sessions and getting to know Hyunjin you know this isn’t helping you. But right now you’re so upset it doesn’t matter.

You make a second drink and sit down as Felix walks into your apartment with Hyunjin right behind him. Felix stops in the kitchen the moment he notices you and steps aside as Hyunjin eyes locked on you. A sad look plays across his face and you instantly feel terrible.

Felix pats Hyunjin’s back and says, “I’m gonna go out to lunch with Seungmin.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything as he walks across the kitchen and sits down across from you silently.

The front door shuts letting you know Felix has left, leaving you alone with Hyunjin.

The silence in the room is louder than anything you’ve ever experienced. You instantly regret that you didn’t call Hyunjin the moment you hung up the phone with your father.

You take a sip of your jack and coke, and stare at Hyunjin who is intently watching you. The bitter liquid hits your tongue and your eyes never leave his. Bringing the cup down, you watch him carefully. He seems at loss for words.

“You clearly want to say something,” you break the silence that's formed between you.

He pushes his fingers through his bleached hair that is already showing his dark roots. “Why are you drinking?” He knows you, and he knows that the only reason you would be drinking at eleven in the morning is if you’re upset. Pushing your drink away from you and rubbing your face. How do you tell him that you might lose everything because you told your dad you were done.

“I talked to my dad.”

“I’m assuming it didn’t go well?” he reaches out, taking the cup away from you. You don’t say anything, you just watch him look at the cup. “Maybe you should drink less unless you want to become an alcoholic.”

His words feel like a bucket of ice water poured on you. You bite your bottom lips trying to take in what he just said. His words are harsh but you know he’s saying it only because he cares about you. He’s told you before he doesn’t like you drinking so his words shouldn’t be that shocking. “Maybe you should work less because you’re already a workaholic.”

He just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at your retort. “I’m a workaholic because I need to make money off these paintings.” He gets up walking over to the sink to pour out your drink you’ve barely touched.

You feel like an asshole for calling him a workaholic. You know why Hyunjin works like he does. He’s trying his hardest to support himself. He’s also been trying his hardest not to overwork himself. According to Angel before you Hyunjin didn’t hangout with anyone who wasn’t in his little friend group.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” you say softly. You want to cry again at the thought of hurting his feelings.

“YN you know why I made the comment about you drinking?” You don’t say anything, you just stare at him. “It’s because I care about you. I don't just care about you as a friend, I like you a lot and I need you to stop drinking when you fight with your dad. I’m aware you don’t drink every day, but I wish when you were upset you would at least talk to me. I thought you realized I want you to feel like you can always come to me.”

“Hyunjin I told my dad today I’m done with the family. I’m probably going to lose everything. I told him I don’t want to talk to them anymore.”

He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at you for a long moment before silently blinking. Without saying a word he stands up and walks over to your chair and holds out his hand. Taking his hand you stand up. He doesn’t say anything as he pulls you into a hug. He holds you close with your cheek resting against his chest. He rubs your back and you suddenly don’t feel hurt by your fathers words. You hold him close not wanting to let go of the boy who is breaking down your walls.

“You don’t need your fathers approval to be happy,” He pressed his lips to the top of your head. Your eyes brim with tears when you realize your whole life you’ve tried getting away from your fathers plan for you, there was a part of you that so desperately wanted his approval. Salty tears slide down your cheek soaking his tan sweater. “I’m sorry you’re hurt, and I wish you would realize that I would do anything to make you happy.”

Pulling away you look up into his pretty brown eyes. Your hand rests on his cheek, and gently you drag your thumb across his plush bottom lip. Pulling away from him you rub your face pushing away your tears. “(YN) I want you to know I love you.”

Your chest tightened for a moment at his confession. You push away your tears knowing no one will care for you like he does. He’s fallen in love with you after seeing you at your best and your absolute worst. Even seeing you crying a mess he still loves you.

“Hyunjin I love you too.” You’ve known since that night you slept together for the first time you had fallen for him.

“Please stop drinking because you’re upset with him. Just come to me when you need someone to talk to.”

“Okay.” You whispered, hugging him tightly.

The rest of the night you don’t touch any more alcohol. Hyunjin cooks you lunch and you spend the day together. You start by watching a movie in the living room before you move to your bedroom with the intention of just cuddling but it’s not long before you’re both lying in bed naked.

He’s hovering over you slowly thrusting into you. Your hands cling to his back holding him close as your lips move together. One leg is hooked over his back with your foot resting right above his butt. You moan his name encouraging him. His thrusts are slow but deep. After your first time together Hyunjin took the time to learn the perfect way to make you fall apart. You reach your hand between your two bodies and rub quick circles on your sensitive clit.

His nose rests against your as he continues his slow pace, “baby are you that desperate to cum?”

“I need you,” you gasp as the coil in your stomach tightens. “I’m so close,” you practically whine.

“Then cum baby,” he crashes his lips into yours muffling your moans.

He finds his own release shortly after. He removes himself from you and lays down next to you with his body plastered against yours. You can’t help but smile as you look over at him in his blissed out state. You’ve managed to fall in love with him without even trying.

-

Things weren’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows. You were still going to fight with your parents when they tried to contact you, but after long talks with Hyunjin he always told you that things would work out. Things between you were good and you were absolutely in love with him. Nobody has ever made you happy like he has.

When his art exhibition rolled around it was an absolute hit. He managed to sell all his paintings and make more than he thought he would. You can’t help but feel proud knowing he worked so hard to achieve his goal.

After a night out celebrating with all his friends at the bar he hovered over your naked body repeating how much he loved you between kisses across your jaw. There is nobody else you would have rather fallen in love with then him. You love him with your whole heart and soul, and know he feels the same way about you.

𝐚𝐧: I can’t lie I struggled writing this and I felt self conscious with the switching pov. I hope everyone enjoyed this part of SSFW.

𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 in any future college au stories or any Hyunjin stories 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 by filling out this form.

[emotionalsupport-ljh]

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡ ･ﾟ✧ Woozi World :･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡ ･ﾟ

Sometimes Jihoon zones out.

Fluff - woozi x reader

Based on my favorite Woozi Quirk™ (ft. some of my favorite pics of Woozi World)

AO3 link

Word Count: 642

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

A gentle melody played from the speaker as you sat on the white couch in the Universe Factory. You played a game on your phone and let the music sink into your mind, easily enjoying the new production made by your friend. Jihoon faced you in his desk chair with his eyes closed and head bobbing, lost in the melody. He wanted to gauge your reaction as his test audience, but he got distracted enjoying his own creation a little too much.

You had noticed this behavior in him before when he listened to music; you found it endearing how it seemed like the entire world would seemingly fall away to him, leaving him alone with the bars and measures. Music was often the catalyst for his little zone-out sessions, but sometimes he was lost in his own thoughts. In those moments, he would stare out into space with blank eyes and an expression stuck on his face. Sometimes he looked cutely and stupidly happy, and sometimes he looked lost and confused. During those moments, you would indulge a little bit in being able to look at him freely before pulling him back to reality. His little quirk only deepened the crush you had on him.

As you both sat in his studio and absorbed the new music, you watched as Jihoon floated into Woozi World bit by bit. His hands tapped out every beat which led to his head following the rhythm until he closed his eyes and hummed out possible melodies for the song it would soon become. You put your phone down and enjoyed the show a little longer before finally calling out to him.

"Hey," you started in a small voice trying to coax him slowly from his reverie. It didn't work. "Hello…” you trailed, “...Jihoon." You got a little closer to him and snapped your fingers in front of his closed eyes. All it seemed to do was create a new syncopation that he held onto with his tapping fingers which had him falling deeper into the song flooding his senses.

Frustrated, you cupped your hands around your mouth and half-shouted, "Earth to Woozi World! Don't leave me behind!"

With a sharp inhale through his nose, Jihoon opened his eyes wide and stared at you. You were smiling at him like you were going to start laughing at him. A blush washed across his face as he realized that he zoned-out again. He swiveled in his chair quickly to turn the volume down to a nice ambient sound that the two of you could talk over. When he faced you again, he couldn't quite meet your eyes.

You giggled and spoke first, "You let the song loop like five times."

"I'm sorry." Even in the blue and purple lights of the Factory, you could see the blush deepen in his cheeks.

"Don't apologize," you laughed out, reaching one hand for his knee, "The song was so good; I hardly even noticed."

He finally met your adoring gaze and smiled, calming down. “Tell me what you liked about it. I wanted to gauge your reaction.”

As you started the long list of praises you had about the work and comments on potential concepts and vibes for the piece, Jihoon had relaxed into his chair comfortably, looking completely calm. You tried to recreate some of the melodies with your own voice, only to be excited when you noticed the part playing softly in the background. Your input was precious to Jihoon; he watched and listened intently to all your ideas. His face stilled in a soft smile and his eyes were locked on the stars that sparkled in your eyes as you continued to talk about his music. He fell back into his own mind where the only things in his world that could ever exist were music and you.

[chrisevansonly]

Block Out the Noise

pairing: harry styles x female reader

summary: sometimes you just need to listen to your song and love on your boyfriend to make the negative thoughts go away

warnings: mention of past abuse, talks of depression and suicidal thoughts, potentially triggering(?!) very soft and caring harry&lt;3

a/n: i wanted to write something about matilda because it’s a song that I hold so close to my heart. from growing up in an abusive home and needing to take care of my brother from age 6 and up, when i heard matilda i knew it would be a song i’d cherish forever. this is a fic i hold close to my heart because i was that scared and small little girl who didn’t understand why i got anger taken out on me and why i had bruises when other kids didn’t. you’re not alone, you’ve got me in your corner and your stronger than you know, i hope my inner child knows that too<3

No one asks to be born into a world of chaos and fear, especially not when you’re a child. Wondering why your parents fought, the screaming matches, the subtle bruises you somehow ended up with because you ‘stood in the way.’ As a child you never knew what went wrong or what you did to be treated this way but you still tried your hardest regardless of the war zone you once called home.

you were riding your bike to the sound of its no big deal, and you’re trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels..

You taught yourself to read, to cook, to take care of yourself and your siblings. Going as far as to teach yourself to ride a bike and even drive, you raised yourself in a world where you wished you hadn’t needed to do that. When you got to high school the insults from your father got worse, the insecurity creeped in and you struggled with self worth and self harm.

nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming til now..

Then came college where you worked three jobs to pay your tuition and fought tooth and nail to get the best grades and work your absolute hardest to get your degree which you did all on your own. Mental illness and recovery was never linear and you battled some of your darkest days throughout college and even towards graduation when you met Harry.

so you tie up your hair and you smile like it’s no big deal

Harry was your world, he was the calm through the storm, the light that helped guide you through the tough times, he truly was your best friend. You’d been together now going on 5 years with no plans of ever separating from one another. He always told you that you provided just as much safety and comfort to him as he could to you.

you can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

-

Now you were 26 and worked at your dream job, your life was filled with so much love and so much joy sometimes you found yourself needing to take a step back and just breathe, reminding yourself your life was real. Of course you had your rough days, and after the meeting and scolding you’d gotten today, all you wanted was to get home and see Harry.

matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright, but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside

When Harry had started working on the album, he’d told you he was writing one very special song he couldn’t wait to share with you. So on the day that he sat you down and let you listen to Matilda, by the second line you were looking over at him with tears in your eyes, bottom lip wobbling ever so slightly and he was quick to pull you into his chest.

You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days

When you arrived home you dropped your work things by the front closet, kicking your heels off and dropping your shoulders in exhaustion. Harry wasn’t home yet so you allowed yourself a few minutes to get some water, your headphones and settle on the couch with a fluffy blanket.

it’s none of my business but it’s just been on my mind

On natural instinct almost, you allowed the soft melody of matilda to play through your headphones, eyes closing as you sunk into the cushions. It wasn’t as if you were trying to cower from the overwhelming feelings you had in this moment, but more or less trying to let them flow and escape from your mind

you can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

You hadn’t even noticed the tears steadily falling down your cheeks, your breathing picking up slightly as you pulled the blanket up further, attempting to wrap yourself in more warmth. It wasn’t until you felt gentle fingertips dancing across your face that you opened your eyes, Harry looking at you in concern. Pausing the song you pulled your headphones off and sent him a soft smile

“Hey m’love…”

“Hi”

Lifting the blanket up you let him cuddle in next to you, the instant comfort you felt just from being wrapped up in his arms was enough to blow the stress and pain from the day away

“You okay y/n?”

Nodding you leaned further into him

“Just had a really bad day…got yelled at and it just made me think of old stuff and I don’t know…f-felt a bit sad”

Harry placed a soft kiss against your temple

“I’m sorry today was so tough, I know it was probably hard to remember what it was like growing up too..can’t blame you for feeling upset”

His hands ran up and down your arm softly, the constant touch helping to keep you grounded and in the present moment.

“You know what I think?”

Looking up at him you furrowed your brows

“What?”

Placing a kiss on your lips he smiled

“I think you are the most beautiful soul, inside and out. Despite everything you’re still here, fighting and working hard day in and day out. You don’t ever have to feel sorry or feel bad about doing everything you’ve done on your own, and allowing yourself to love and experience love despite it all”

“H…”

He was quick to swipe a tear from your cheek before continuing

“I love you so much, you’re my now and my future. Seeing you grow and flourish into the woman you are today has been a privilege to witness and support you through. I admire you so much m’baby, you’ve never let anyone dim your light and m’so lucky to get to love you”

Anything you would have said to him in this moment was caught in your throat, so wrapping your arms around him and holding him tight was enough for him in the moment. Harry was the moon and the stars to you, he was your whole universe and he’d been helping you heal since you’d been together. You’d done the hardest work on this journey, he had just been there to support and love you through it so he says.

“I love you so much H, thank you for letting me start a new family”

“I’ll always be your family, you’re safe with me my darling, always”

Matilda was a song that would forever have its hold on you, and it was even more special knowing Harry had wrote it thinking of you, including you in his album and one of his projects he really loved. The love he’d shown you and continues to show you had only helped you come out of your shell and finally feel as if you’d found your place and purpose in this world.

Harry was your home, just as you were his.

a/n if you or someone you know is struggling with abuse please reach out to someone you know, whether it be a friend, family member or adult you trust. I’d only wished i’d done so earlier, i’m here to help and support you guys in anyway I can. You are loved, you are cherished and you are worth it.

[neithoftheveil]

It’s the end of my first full year writing fanfiction, which means I officially get to reflect on the whole experience!

So let’s dive in—

Words written: 385,418 (I was aiming for 400k! So close! Back when I was in my MFA program, I struggled to turn out more than 40k a year. I found my passion for writing again with fanfiction. It’s been a joy. Truly. I have discovered how valuable community is when it comes to creation. Having people in your corner and cheering you on is wonderful—but so is participating in fandom. The art. The meta. The conversations between friends and mutuals. I’m constantly inspired to make things.)

Kudos: 16,167 across 35 works (That’s so…fucking many. Pardon my French. You guys! You are so nice! Omg. I just want to wrap you all up and hug you. Sometimes I get so fixated on, oh, this fic barely got 50 kudos; it must have been a failure. But…that’s 50 whole human beings who liked it. And it adds up.)

Bookmarks: 5,134 across 35 works (!!! Just !!! The fact my stuff is read, let alone getting rereads and recommendations… I’m gonna cry.)

Hits: 136,434 across 35 works (Bizarre.)

My fic with the most comments:

all that defines me (295 comments — This surprises me because I feel like it’s one of my more unpopular works? I’m hardcore struggling to finish it, but I’m doing my best for everyone. Knowing now that it has some of the highest engagement of my fics is going to help me going forward.)

My fic with the most bookmarks and hits:

i talk to god but the sky is empty (582 bookmarks and 18,375 hits — I never expected this work to get the reception it did. It was the second fic I wrote for the fandom—finished after several other works but still my second. I write things I consider “niche fics” that are just hardcore my interests and I never expect anyone to care about them, but the fics always surprise me by ending up some of my more popular works. Thanks for supporting my brainworms.)

My fic with the most kudos:

i hope we shall meet again (1.472 kudos — A fic I wrote in an hour on a snowy day. It could be better, but I know I also say that because I got my first criticism as a fanfic writer on this fic and it really killed my mood for like a full week.)

My fic with the most subscriptions:

pieces of you (232 subscriptions — Another of my “niche fics.” Reception has been great! I tried something new: writing a fic with two endings, as well as challenging myself to flesh out the characterization of some lesser seen—or never seen—versions of Hua Cheng. My first non-commissioned fanart, by dragongoats, was for this fic and is happily linked in the author’s notes.)

My most popular series:

no light, no light + extras (The first fic I wrote for the fandom and a handful of extras that exist mostly thanks to IlluminatingSceadugenga being a huge fan and asking for more of the series. It’s a heavier series, and the writing style is hard to replicate because it’s my old style, but I love it.)

Fics I really enjoyed writing not mentioned above:

good bones (I stepped outside my comfort zone with this one and wrote an angry, dominant bottom Xie Lian, and then followed it up with a bunch of mpreg fluff.)

i will never leave you (I just had endless fun writing the development of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng’s relationship. The teasing. The good times. The domesticity.)

borrowed finery (This one will always have a special place in my heart. It’s sad and sweet.)

plum blossom (It’s probably the only funny thing I’ve ever written, but it makes me laugh when I reread it.)

Bonus: I wrote 5 gift fics this year, received a gift fic (!! thank you, scrapimmortal), wrote 3 prompt fics for my one-year anniversary, commissioned a piece of fanfiction, got art for my birthday, and wrote 15 ficlets on tumblr (one of which juicedpeachy added a piece of accompanying artwork for).

Y’all showed my work so much love. Thanks to everyone who subscribed, read, commented, reread, etc. You’ve been wonderful, and you’ve given me a reason to keep creating. I hope to continue writing this coming year.