#i tried to fix myself...but im gonna pretend for you

[kindred-spirit-93]

"'cause honey all i know is what i feel"

listening to pretend and was unceremoniously drop kicked in the feels. idk how but this song feels like 2012 to me, specifically the few months before the first big change that would eventually set off lots of other big changes. mostly for the best.

it also sounds like 2016, when some part of my soul was restored when i saw my childhood home again. i only saw it in passing, but it still felt like i was home. saw my favourite restaurants, childhood park, schools even. lots of changes followed. mostly for the worst.

--

while i dont have a crime scene to clean lol, im surprisingly touched by this song in a way i didnt really expect to be. the vibes are vibing and my heart is aching and the comments are commenting (below).

forgot where i was going with this. idk i just yearn for simpler days. happier times when i still thought everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. but such is life i suppose.

isnt it funny how we learn most of lifes lessons through pain?

--

the sun just set here. nightfall will be here soon, midnight will follow not long after, and ive got other things to worry about and reflect on and learn from. losses to mourn, wounds to heal, lives to live...

anyway, guess this is goodnight (for now) and wishing everyone a good life and happy always :)

this one is a bit heavy just so u know

enjoy what you can of your life whenever you can too. there is joy to be found in the mundane and everyday.

nothing lasts so we might as well make the most of what we have :)

[conanssummerchild]

im gonna crack a rib

when i get home

im gonna bury you

in my favourite hole

i made a bloody mess

in the kitchen sink

i tried to fix myself

but i didnt think

[captainimprobable]

broskis im gonna be honest with you, i do not see a point.

this is not a suicidal post, this is not a cry for help and i am not a danger to myself, and i am in communication with my therapist.

but like. i genuinely do not see a way out. i tried for months. my life was falling apart and i stayed positive! i didnt break down, i handled it, i survived it, i believed in a future that existed.

but its come to a point where i cant do that anymore. i cant pretend that theres hope for some sort of magic solution to come from heaven and fix everything. because i tried EVERYTHING. i worked SO HARD. and im still here. in the same place. im still sitting here with my life falling apart around me and i have tried every single thing i could possibly think of and there is nothing left to do.

the only things im really good at right now are sleeping and scrolling tbh. i am going to spend my entire life rotting in my childhood bedroom while everyone around me experiences all the things i've ever wanted but am apparently not allowed to have.

how am i expected to keep going if there's nowhere to go?

[gaymars97]

Okay so yk what I got sick of rendering the au drawing

So imma show y’all the au with a bit lazy pen sketches.

SO MY BORDERLANDS REWRITE AU

ERIDIAN OVERRUN

(The present in this au is 3 years after bl3)

Part 1: Phaseleech scars

Because yeah I ain’t showing all of it in one post

(Yes I know it’s actually a right hand I drew on the top there. I realized that right when I was about to post this. Please just pretend it’s the left hand I’m too lazy to fix it.)

So basically, it’s also a bit of a headcanon I have where people who survived phaseleech would have scars around the leeched area.

Also before I start, it is important to mention: in this au, Troy still tried to phaseleech Maya, but the VH3 came back in time and saved her. However, Troy had the time to take her power, leaving most of the bl3 plotline intact. Also Ava got phaseleech, not phaselock.

And also, that instead of flying herself on Elpis, Lilith pulls with Maya’s help the Phaselock-Phasewalk combo on Elpis and therefore doesn’t disappear.

At first, the scars are a bit stone-y, kinda like the husks corpses the calypsos leave around. The scars are fragile, very hard to move and most of the nerves are gone. The scars can be healed with eridium, but it is very limited.

The scars leave some kind of magic trace. To most, this doesn’t change anything, but if it’s a siren who has the scars (*ehem* Lilith and Maya) getting her power back will react to this magic trace, healing the scars only to leave the healed skin dark gray. It also gives the siren some weird features and makes the scars glow more often.

Lilith’s scar: Left by her encounter against Tyreen, it goes from her upper neck to her upper chest. She had a bit of difficulty breathing at first because it got close to her respiratory system, but it wasn’t anything too bad. Also, because of that, she now exhales purple smoke when using her power (magic trace stuff). Lilith got lucky as to her scar. Because of her frequent use of eridium, she gained over time natural toughness, even without use of eridium, making the spread of the scar not that bad.

Maya’s scar: Since Maya used eridium only once before she got her scar, she didn’t get that eridium toughness Lilith had, making her scar’s extent larger. Her scar takes her entire left arm and goes up to the bottom left of her face. It also goes a bit around the arm but not that much. Also, since the twins got the rampager’s power before Troy stole Maya’s power, the magic trace left in her scar kinda has some rampager energy. However, it only manifests itself on the healed scars as claws to the scarred arm.

Hey if Maya got a magic trace from her scar, doesn’t that mean I could make her able to anoint people if I wanted to?

What?

Im just saying.

Tyreen has one on the middle of the chest due to Troy using her to charge Elpis.

Oh and you may ask: Is that Maya with Sentinel like glowing marks in the bottom left? Yeah. There’s gonna be something about sirens having some kind of control over the vault monsters but I haven’t even figured it out that much myself.

So anyways…

[dayurno]

hii i just finished ur baby kevin fic and i love how you write!! like genuinely u described things so well and ur characterization was so on point as well as being sooo funny and sweet :) ur voice and love for kevin really came thru. thank u so much such a delightful fic im totally gonna binge read the rest of ur stuff <3

AHH THANK YOU!!!!! something that i really kept thinking to myself as i was rereading babykevin fic is that for a fic where (the adult) kevin is hardly present, it really feels like a love letter 2 kevin day in my head..... perhaps its because neil is fond of him and you can tell through his narration or something else altogether, but i think this fic is easily one of the most loving ive written about kevin.......... i couldnt show more of my hand if i tried.... im even a little embarrassed

“The evil creature that was making him so scared was actually…” Neil pauses for emphasis, “...a dog. It was a big one. We’re not sure how it got into the Foxhole Court in the first place, but this person, this simple person, who only had bad memories of getting bitten by a dog as a child, was unwilling to cross this dog’s path so he could go home.” [...] He swipes his thumb under Kevin’s eye; a soft motion. “We did. Of course we did. We teased him the entire way home about it, but that’s the point, isn’t it? We still went back for him. We still sent the dog away.”

IM REALLY not sure if its the idea of their dynamic mellowed down to what a child can understand but i think there has never been dialogue (written by me!) so loving about kevin day before... im not sure. i was overcome by my fondness of him when i wrote it i suppose

“His food is really terrible, though. Nothing like what Andrew makes you. You’d have to pretend to like it.” “Why eat it if it’s bad?” Kevin asks, looking more and more curious about his older self the longer Neil talks about him. Neil is not surprised to think that he could do this for much longer. The ache of missing Kevin subdues when it is shared aloud. “Well, because he goes through all the trouble of making it for you, so how could you dare not eat it?” He crouches down to be Kevin’s height, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “And sometimes, if you give him critique, he’ll go try to fix it right away. Last time I said it was a bit stale, and he added so much salt I had to cough out the rest.” Kevin hesitates. “Was it better?” “No. God, no, it was worse. Stale was a compliment; it was too salty.” “But… you ate it.” “I suppose I did,” Neil agrees. He really had — scraped his bowl clean, too. Choked it down like a man, much to Andrew’s chagrin. “He put in a lot of work. It’d be a waste if I didn’t eat it. And, well, whatever. I wanted him to be happy with himself.”

like :-) anyway sorry about this all its just that you saying this really made me want to talk about it..... i fear everyone is going to know im fond of kevin day now...

[kanna-banana]

Ok, serious talk, I know nobody wants to read this but I'll feel better posting somewhere as opposed to vomiting my feelings all over my friends again, they've had enough, please feel free to ignore this and I'll be back to being silly in no time

Ok so, I know my blog is uncomfortable to read, I understand that my negativity and constant venting is at best annoying and at worst upsetting, i am aware of that but I also know that bottling up is worse to me and i feel like a liar if i just pretend everything is fine and just post silly stuff here.

My friends keep telling me I'm not a horrible person and am pretty funny actually and I think that is because they've know me for years and I was like that but things have not been going well im the last few years.

Yes I am not a bad person and I can be funny sometimes, but all of that gets overshadowed by the numerous mental issues I have and cannot cope with properly.

English is not my first language language so this gets a bit confusing because this nuance is pretty tricky in the language but as you all know is that "i am" can mean either "i am like this at the moment" (example "I'm cold" or "I'm hungry", those are not things that are inherent to you, they are temporary states) or "i am like this PERIOD" (example "I'm human" or "I'm Brazilian", they are permanent states about yourself)

Now

I know I AM (inherent) creative, funny sometimes, alright at drawing, and a bunch of other nice things people say about me when I'm crying, but you have to understand that i also am (temporary) completely fucked up mentally and emotionally, I'm not saying I'm going to be "cured" from being autistic btw, I'm counting not being able to handle my issues "being a bad temporary thing", like, i will never stop having ADHD symptoms (cannot afford a diagnosis so I'll just call them symptoms for now, or signs if you thing the word 'symptom' is a bit tone deaf) but i know i can learn how to live with it and function, even if my functioning looks very different from what's expected from a neurotypical person.

I am, at the moment, NOT DEALING WITH MY SHIT PROPERLY, and THAT is the issue I believe can be fixed. I will never have a good knee again, even after the surgery I just feel less pain, but i can learn how to adapt to my limitations, you know?

So, I am not, inherently, a failure, i know I'm not stupid or ugly or boring, but I'm so full of debuffs that basically I'm a piece of shit right now.

Yes, I did quit my job and tried to become a web developer and it went catastrophically bad, but I can't even count that as a failure because i NEEDED to quit that job either way (it was destroying my mental health) and if you're gonna quit going to live with a friend so dear to you she's basically a sister for a while and learning a skill you always wanted to at least start learning, isn't it worthy?

Yeah I "failed", but the happiness i felt along the way was worth even if it didn't work out in the end.

I know that, my mind knows that, but my feelings are absolute chaos and I sometimes fall into a deep self hatred spiral that makes me believe lies about everything around me, it even makes me believe everyone secretly hates me, which is OBJECTIVELY not true, if there's one thing I am in this world is loved.

I know it's sad, annoying, or even upsetting to see my posts and I'm not going to pretend they're inevitable, I CAN stop myself and I should have better restraint, I'm failing at that and I apologize for all the negative feelings I might have caused.

I know it's a pretty hard goal considering how my life is a huge mess right now, but my goal in life is to be the trans person i needed to meet when I was in the closet.

I want to be the type of happy, mature and intelligent person that my friends were when I met them 6? 7 years ago?

The people that completely shattered an entire lifetime of prejudice and fear that was forced into my brain since i was a toddler, the type of people that made me look at transphobic posts and go "that's not true, I've met trans people and they're some of the best people i know", the type of people who made me realize living as who you really are is both possible and achievable.

I want to be that person, someone who, just by being themselves, can melt away prejudice or at least be that kink in the armor of an angry reactionary that one day will help shatter the barrier of lies they protect themselves with and help them see that this hate was manufactured to use them as paws in a stupid made up culture war.

I got out of this horrible place with the help of wonderful people i will never be able to thank enough, and my dream is to help others out too.

I'm not saying i want to "trans" others, obviously, just to show that we are not the weird monsters thet so many out there want you to believe we are. To destroy the prejudice with the power of a honest, happy existence.

I want to be the person I needed when I was younger, lost, depressed, considering suicide, and constantly angry at anyone the liars and grifters who I trusted told me to hate.

I want to become the person who would have saved me back them.

I know it's going to take a lot of work, I have many barriers ahead of me, some inside of myself, some external, but neither way I have a LOT of work to do, and if there's one thing i can never do is give up.

I don't even know what "giving up" means at this point, I have to keep going, not only for myself but for those I might help in the future.

I can't change the past. I can't erase the harm my bigoted ignorant words caused, but I can grow into a person who heals as much as i used to hurt.

I know I'm a handful right now, and I am trying to control my words until i have the means to work on myself and improve as a person. Just, please be patient with me. If my posts upset you in the past please for your own sake unfollow/block me, I'm sorry I hurt you while trying to hurt myself, but unfortunately it will probably happen again, and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone that hurts you, even if they didnt INTEND to hurt you.

I am NOT (inherent) a failure

I am (temporary) failing

But I will get better.

I don't know how, I don't really have a plan, but I will figure it out somehow.

Life is not a game. I am not in a "doomed run", I can and I WILL live and be the best person I can be.

Thank you.

[koifishlite]

i think very frequently about how alex g songs seem to relate to jonah and adam so much. it makes me so sad

“Gonna crack a rib

When I get home

I'm gonna bury you

In my favorite hole

I made a bloody mess In the kitchen sink

I tried to fix myself

But I didn't think

They said, "We just want to talk with you"

"We just want to walk you through"”

you can’t tell me that even the line ‘but im gonna pretend for you’ doesn’t almost directly relate to adam dude perfect line for him

i love him so much

[tragedykery]

GONNA CRACK A RIB WHEN I GOT HOME IM GONNA BURY YOU IN MY FAVOURITE HOLE I MADE A BLOODY MESS IN THE KITCHEN SINK I TRIED TO FIX MYSELF BUT I DIDN'T THINK

THEY SAID WE JUST WANT TO TALK WITH YOU WE JUST WANT TO WALK YOU THROUGH OH OH I DONT WANT TO SEE ME I WANNA BE TRAPPED IN YOU OH I DONT WANT TO BE ME BUT IM GONNA PRETEND FOR YOU OH

[spacesamurai1]

Im gonna crack a rib

When i get home

Im gonna bury you

In my favorite hole

I made a bloody mess

In the kitchen sink

I tried to fix myself

But i didnt think

I wait for you

I wait for you

I wait for you

[aerick-cosmic-cauldron]

Worked one day as a Waiter/ Washing dishes/ moving shit around

It left me dead, im so physically weak... Like girl... I need to eat more omg.

Anyways imma start writing some mistakes i made and what to do to prevent them of happening again

1. As a waiter i almost burn a old granny. I was supposed to serve her hot water for her tea. i saw that the fucking tea pot was not closed correctly and instead of fixing it and just close it correctly i said to myself "bitch if they see me closing the shit rn they gonna be like: you should've closed it before you get near the people. and they gonna scream at me about it" So ikept going nervously and conflicted and served tea to the granny, but ofc the hot water started spilling, and almost burned the poor old woman.

Basically i just got lost in my head instead of focusing on making shit the right way, i just focused on how to not look incompetent, and someone almost got hurt by this shit. I instantly thought of how i did not play my part in trying to save my mom properly because i got lost in my head... I need to stop doing that. I need to ask help to other people if im emotionally unstable, i need to think and ask about others people's need before i do shit or don't do shit that may directly affects them somehow.

2. As i was moving heavy shit, someone asked me a favor and instead of saying "sorry I can't help I'm too busy" i said "sure lemme try" and then fucking forgot about it and let them hanging.

Bitch just fucking say no. If you say yes at least say something like "sorry i tried, but I'm afraid i cannot help" instead of vanishing and let them be waiting... Ugh so uneducated.

3. As a waiter, i went away from people too hardhly, i should have "it's great to hear, hope you enjoy it, excuse me" or some hsit like that

4. As i was washing the dishes, i waited too much time in pretending to not be scared and tired. And tried to push myself to the limit. I ended up acting extremely clumsy and very inefficient.

Bitch be more conscious of your needs, ask to go the bathroom if you're too nervous. Ask for food if you are hungry or demand a minute to go buy some. Stop pretending and posing bitch just ask on how to do shit and ask to receive instructions in small steps. Express your fear and anxiety to your coworkers so they know you are not just a dumb lazy bitch.

Now immma finish with positive shit

I got ahead of my coworkers and tested the chairs to see if they were opened properly, i was the only one who did it. I also got ahead off them when i went to pick a broom and was the only one who cleaned the floor after we moved heacy shit.

I saw tho very hot guys lifting heavy stuff, and they had deep voices and they had strong legs and i want one for me so bad omg. Anyways they were hot. I also ate a really nice sopu made by a hot guy, and i did thank him properly and in a cute/fag way.

I also made my coworkers laugh a lot by my absurd/grandiose sense of humor and silly jokes.

As waiter I redeemed myself of the clumsiness after eating and attending to my needs properly, one of my coworkers said "damn as soon as it got dark, you got fast" i said "oh yeah, when it gets dark i transform" i was thinking of sailor moon but these bitches laughed and talked about werewolfs and vampires and shit and i was like oh thats not- but well yess. And started feel confident and really impressed my coworkers with how fast i worked and how much i changed after lunch.

So yeah not everything was horrible, and mentally i was quite proud of myself for trying new shit. But also being scared and doing physical work left me exhausted vitch i slept for a while day to recover. Like i could not work in that shit every day. And pray for ppl who has no choice but to do so.

Today i cried about my mom, went to buy random shit to learn math and to decorate my room. And wrote this as the sun set...not the worst week I've had. And the hot guys really were a nice sight.

[xxangeldustanalogx]

i don’t believe in a higher power but every night i say a little prayer to the guy at the apple store who looked me straight in the eye and said ‘im just gonna pretend you didn’t say that’ when i very proudly informed him that i had already tried fixing my computer myself by dumping a bottle of isopropyl alcohol onto the keyboard

[mewsrys]

I dont havw anything productive to say about the new malevolent episode. I might relisten again lol it may be one of my favorites. Already.

spoilers under here for 33 But i dont think i’ll be tagging this anyways because im scared of pwople reading it

I felt such a sense of dread all throughout the episode. jesus christ. somehow the scene where john n arthur were trying to find oscar, and opening all the doors in the hallway was . Almosr more suspenseful than later parts. Im kind of a pussy (Deathly afraid of jumpscares especially)!anyways idk how i can handle this podcast man. If oscar makes it out of this alive im gonna be surprised, like almost everyone that’s helped arthur and john so far has not ended up very . Well.

And the last few minutes… i could talk about that for so long. Incredible!!! The way that all these different things started piling up, with daniel saying he left a message at the hotel, the phone call, and all at the same time as arthurs trying to speak to oscar over the phone, the KNOCKING ON THE DOOR!! How arthur tried telling daniel not to open the door as he realized who it was. and he died anyways . Man. I was having trouble keeping up with everything going on but in the best fucking way possible! It fit the moment so well. and arthur callinf daniel dad… minutes before he died…… Im Not Okay. Like the shouting winded down, and they started having more conversation, and then shit just hit the fucking fan from then on. AGGHDDHDEHEXHDJJXJE

Ok and the last part, i loved the way that the audio was done there. This podcast is literally the best ive listened to in manh ways especially how i feel like i may as well be watching a show with Visuals. i know this entire post is just me acknowledging things that were literally Intentional for this epiaode, but INCANNOT GET OVER IT! i could Really See especially in the last part as if the “camera” had been in a fixed position as arthur ran away, and the butcher became closer to the “camera” before going after him. Idk i know thar was the intention but i fucking love when shit loke thar happens in podcasts cause i feel like its not that common n if it is it usually isnt that easy to See

Thar may be the wnd of my thoughts for now… Hi future self rereading my posts

Nobody call me stupid i already know and im acknowledging it so that i dont make a fool of myself!! if you read this pretend you didn’t

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was

[linatwentytwo]

Why can't Life just be easy for once?

I have to fight for every little Thing. I have to fight withmyself, with my head, with my thoughts, fight for my will to Keep going.

Its so Hard sometimes. You think you have figured it out and all of a Sudden it hits you straight in the face. Problems over Problems that make you insecure, doubt yourself, angry, lonely, lost...until you dont feel anything at All. Just empty for a while. And you dont know what to Do, because you don't know what feeling you have to fix because youre feeling nothing.

You Start saying youre tired and try to Deal with it on your own. You dont wanna be a burden to anyone. Perhaps its all just in my head and im overreacting. Selfdoubts.

What if I scare the people away with All my problems and all the ones that Are yet to come. Insecurity.

Its better I deal with it myself. I tried talking and got talked down. Disappointment. Ill just keep my mouth shut and pretend that I am happy. Its the easiest way, right?

But some nights. I lay in bed, sleepless with that empty feeling and its so overwhelming that I wish I could just end it. Be someone else. Dont have all These struggles. Healthy relationships. Not screwing everything up. Just being normal.

But its gonna stay a wish. I will never get my happy ending. One day everything is gonna break down and tear appart and I will end up alone just wirh my depressive thoughts.

I dont know what I did so wrong or perhaps I just deserve it for whatever reason.

Im just trying to survive myself in a World where I pretend to be happy, Use tiredness as an excuse and still trying to make it right for everyone although most of them Are just disappointments for me. Why am I like this?

[bellsbear]

she’s an angel

eddie munson x female sinclair reader

synopsis: you’re a cheerleader and he’s the school freak who’s had a crush on you forever. little does he know, you got a thing for him too.

contents: fluff, some angst, eddie being a corny mess, cussing, mutual pining word count: 1.2k

a/n: THIS IS GONNA BE A SERIES. idk what I'm doing and this might suck but I gotta write some eddie ff 😤 additionally i am a black woman, so i wrote this for myself and everyone else who wants the representation! THE TEXT MAY BE GLITCHED. if that’s the case im so sorry, i don’t know how to fix it😭

also let’s pretend that none of the vecna stuff is happening cause this is totally not following the canon story. sorry, not sorry 😮‍💨

chapter song (updated because this fits better in my opinion):

series masterlist

⭑･ﾟ･*.｡༅･ﾟ:*✿*ﾟ:༅･ﾟ｡.:*･ﾟ･⭑･ﾟ*.｡༅･ﾟ:*:✿:*ﾟ:༅･ﾟ｡.･ﾟ･⭑

It was the night of the championship game and Eddie's final campaign. Normally you would have gone straight home with Chrissy to hang out, but Lucas had found you during the game to spoil your plans.

“So, kind of a long story, but basically Erica’s here playing D&D in my place, and you gotta take her home.”

“And why exactly is this on me? That sounds like a Lucas problem.”

“Well now it’s a Y/n problem cause she biked here, it’s pitch black out and you know mom and dad will-“

“Completely freak if I don’t bring her back. Yeah yeah, I got it.”

You turn to Chrissy and apologize saying you’ll give her a call when you're home.

She smiles at you, “Y/n it’s okay. Sisterly duties call, plus this gives me an excuse to go to the after-party we were so desperately looking forward to avoiding. Jason’s going to be thrilled.” You both laugh and go back to watching the game while you're not cheering.

⭑･ﾟ･*.｡༅･ﾟ:*✿*ﾟ:༅･ﾟ｡.:*･ﾟ･⭑･ﾟ*.｡༅･ﾟ:*:✿:*ﾟ:༅･ﾟ｡.･ﾟ･⭑

You knock again, louder this time, hoping they might actually hear it but you end up waiting a full minute before deciding to just go in. You begin to turn the handle but find the door is jammed. Placing all your weight against it, you keep pushing until-

“What the hell is going on! Oh-” You were now on the floor looking up to see the one and only Eddie Munson looking down at you with his big brown eyes.

“What the hell is going on! Oh-” You were now on the floor looking up to see the one and only Eddie Munson looking down at you with his big brown eyes.

“Oh shit, Y/n. Are you okay?” He asks, concern laced in his voice.

Eddie had always been sweet to you.

He sat behind you in Ms. O'Donall's class and never failed to make you laugh with his random outbursts. Whenever you took tests you’d always move your paper to the far right of your desk knowing he was peeking behind you.

However, it wasn’t enough to help him get a passing grade, but you always tried helping him out because you knew he was smart, he just didn’t care to study. It had caused you to develop a bit of a crush on him if you were being honest.

You look at him in the eyes and just burst out in laughter, Eddie had never heard you laugh before, well, really laugh. You’d always giggle at his jokes or laugh with your friends, but it was never like this. You were clutching your stomach and holding back tears, he thought you looked so beautiful. So real.

“I’m so sorry, I must’ve scared the shit outta you. with all that banging.” Eddie reaches his hand out for you, which you gladly take and stand up. “So why have you graced me with your presence m’lady?”

You blush, “Oh I’m just looking for Erica, I gotta take her home since it so dark out. Um, where is she by the way?”

“Ah the littlest Sinclair, I just met her today. She's very... pleasant." You look at him with wide eyes, "Are you sure we're talking about the same Erica?" He laughs at your comment.

"She just walked out with the others, I’m sure they haven’t gone too far. I could maybe… um.” Eddie stops talking when he realized you were still holding onto his hand, tightly, your thumb grazing his rings.

Eddie has had a crush on you since middle school. You caught his eye during the talent show when you sang 'I Will Survive'. You were nervous at first but ended up having so much fun on that stage and your voice was angelic, he fell in love instantly. And now you were standing in front of him and holding his hand.

You wave your free hand in front of his face, “Earth to Eddie, are you alright?” He snaps out of his trance and looks up at you.

“Oh yeah, um I was just going to say I could help you out, i- if you wanted me to of course!” He was bright pink, and you were still holding his hand.

“That’d be nice. Could probably use some help finding that little brat anyway.” You laugh before letting go of his hand and picking up your bag which had fallen down with you earlier.

As you release your hold on him, he quickly turns around to gather his stuff, face red as a tomato.

“By the way, I heard you earlier. Nice vocals, you should be in a band or something.” You joked, but soon saw Eddie’s face as he looked at you with a sad look.

“You don’t remember. Shit you don’t remember.”

“What are you talking about Munson?”

Eddie looks you dead in the face then suddenly jumps up onto the table and starts shredding an air guitar along to the music. After his performance, he jumps down and looks at you with hope in his eyes. “Nothin’? You’re killing me here Sinclair!” He holds his hands out and dramatically brings them to his chest as if he were holding a knife.

“Eddie what the hell are you- OH MY GOD WAIT. In middle school, you were totally in a band!” He claps his hands together triumphantly.

“I’m actually still in a band, but I’ll take it. Yeah, we’re uh-“ You quickly cut him off, “Corroded Coffin. How could I forget, your hair was all buzzed, I used to think it was so cute.”

Eddie was breathless. You thought he was cute. Not only that but you had remembered the stupid haircut he sported in his younger years. “Yeah well, your sister thinks I’m a ‘long-haired freak’ so maybe I should’ve kept it short.” You laugh, the real laugh that he was falling in love with.

“Well if it makes you feel better, I’m glad you grew it out. It’s very…” You stop and think about the best word to use, “metal. That and those tattoos you got."

Eddie’s heart stopped. There’s no way that you were right here in front of him complimenting his appearance that most of your friends had made fun of throughout the years. Oh so beautiful you, standing there and getting closer to him… getting very close to him. So close he thinks he might pass out right now. “Truthfully, I think you’re very handsome Eddie, no matter what stupid haircut you might have.”

Before he can respond, you plant a kiss on his pink cheek then run to the door, “I’ll see you outside Eds.”

Eddie gripped the table behind him to balance himself, trying wrap his head around what just happened. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by none other than Dustin.

“Eddie, what's the hold-up? You’ve been in here for a while are you okay?”

“I must’ve died and gone to heaven because an angel just kissed me”

“What the hell are you talking abou-“ Dustin stopped before smiling at Eddie putting 2 and 2 together after seeing you smiling like a lunatic in the hallway, “OH MY GOD YOU AND Y/N KISSED?! I gotta tell Lucas, he's gonna lose his shit.”

Before Dustin could run from the room, Eddie grabbed his collar to hold him back.

“Not a word to anyone Henderson. Not a fucking word.” Dustin nodded aggressively so he'd let him go.

“Now," Eddie puts on his jacket and composes himself, "let’s go outside, she’s waiting for me.”

a/n: that’s all 🧍🏽‍♀️ i hope this wasn’t terrible, i really tried my best! hoping to write a few more parts soon but i got work and stuff lol ☺️

im gonna make a taglist too, pls fill out this form if you wanna be on it!

taglist form

chapter 2

[love-strawberry]

paper rings

summary : in the which the internet tries to decipher their relationship and they finally reveal it.

pairing : timothee chalamet x reader

warnings : language

author's note : i love this so so so so so so so so much!! enjoy!!

tagged : @mrs-brekker15

masterlist

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liked by tchalamet, zendaya, andrewgarfield and 4,518,971 others

y/n_ felt like a princess wearing this dress <3

87,682 comments

username "pRiNcEsS" stfu you're a queen

username that dress is so pretty i want

username if i don't wear that dress and walk down an abandoned corridor away from a ball to meet my forbidden lover then what is the point?

zendaya you're so hot

blakelively i love you, you looked so pretty

username she's already a queen

andrewgarfield 😎👍🏼

username i love her dress and the one she wore at the after party

tchalamet you looked so beautiful <3

-> y/n_ thank you! you stole the show though :)

username i shipe (yourshipname) so bad like bad bad

username apparently y/n and timothee were together at the after party and left in one car

username im gonna cry she's so pretty

chrisevans 💛

username alexa play jealousy jealousy by oliva rodrigo

tomholland2013 please send me your haircare routine, i want those luscious curls

username i love her, she looked so stunning at the awards

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liked by zendaya, tomholland2013, y/n_ and 4,572,972 others

tchalamet 💦

87,862 comments

username the caption-

username he's so fine and for what

username mama im a whore

username the fact that he'll never know that i exist-

username he looked so hot

y/n_ sir, stop being so beautiful

-> tchalamet i will, when you stop being so beautiful

username timothee and y/n!! i love them

username their cute little pose when they were asked to pose together

username when timothee saw y/n and fixed his hair, im cry

zendaya 💅

tomholland2013 looking dashing, mate!

username sir- stop

username when he said that he was anxious to meet y/n and blushed when the interwiewer asked if they were dating

username there's so no way they're not dating

andrewgarfield 🛐

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liked by (yourshipname)supremacy, y/nloves, timmytttt and 35,728 others

celebnewz rumours about dating have been flying around actors timothee chalamet and y/n y/l/n seen they were photographed together last year. the two were seen out frequently, going on what their fans suspect, dates. chalamet and y/l/n were also seen leaving the oscars together. the pair were seen out together last night but when asked about their relationship, they chose not to comment. for more details, click on the link in our bio.

tagged tchalamet, y/n_

4,682 comments

username omg

username please respect their privacy

username i really hope they're together

username i love them both so much

username ship has sailed 🚢

username y/n and timothee reading this: 🚘👩‍🦯

username me pretending they're not dating so i can imagine myself to be with y/n

username aww they're both so perfect together

username we all should just really respect their privacy

username when y/n was asked about timothee in the interview last week and she really said 'no thank you, next'

username they'd be so cute together

username power couple yasss

username yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes ye

username i love them your honour

username OMG CHECK Y/N'S POST

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liked by tchalamet, zendaya, taylorswift and 4,672,976 others

y/n_ i like shiny things but i'd marry you with paper rings

tagged tchalamet

94,728 comments

username IM SOBBING ON MY FOYER

username AHAHHHHHHHSHHSHSBXJXHXHZJ

username OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

username SHE QUOTED TAYLOR

tchalamet i hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this

-> y/n_ i love you <3

username HE COMPLETED THE LYRICS

username TRUE LOVE

username I WANT THIS

zendaya SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH

username im calm, im fine it's ok- *screams*

username i love this like this is so amazing they're perfect together

tomholland2013 thank god! i wouldn't have been able to keep the secret any longer

username i love this

username power couple yass period

andrewgarfield so so so so so so so happy

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liked by y/n_, tomholland2013, zendaya and 4,728,872 others

tchalamet all's well that ends well to end up with you

tagged y/n_

92,582 comments

username im done for y'all

username him quoting lover

username ahhhhhh true love

y/n_ swear to be overdramatic and trueeee

-> tchalamet to myyyyy loverrrrr

username they're so cute

zendaya told you, you should learn how to braid, it got you a gf

username omg he braided y/n's hair

username the fact that no one will love me like this

username haha I'm fine not crying hahah it's okay hahah

tomholland2013 🤍

username crying in the club

username alexa please play heather

username amazing beautiful ethereal enchanting pretty

andrewgarfield ❤️❤️❤️

username 🛐🛐🛐

username (yourshipname) supremacy>>>

username i?? love?? this?? way?? more?? than?? my?? life??

username them>>

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