#i tried my best to make it look better though ^_^;

[summertimesadnessirl]

No.

It's just...

There is only a tiny chance anyone will ever care that this happened and do something about it.

It can only happen if I literally die from it and then someone goes through my phone and stuff on social media to see what happened and believes it.

It was more likely before my old tumblr got deleted.

Because I had more documentation on there.

Of specific incidents as they happened like the time there was that guy outside in the middle of the night by my garbage cans when I went out to take it out smoking and saying creepy things.

But if I don't die there is absolutely no chance at all that anyone will get charged with a crime for what they did to me.

It will just be something I have to clean up.

It will require me to lie to a bunch of people and claim that it was for the best because it taught me an important lesson and led me to new opportunities, also.

I hate that shit. That's the most degrading thing about being poor. You have to tell everyone how romantic it is and how it's making you a better person. You have to beg rich people not to punish you for being unlucky.

See how grateful I am for being fucked over look I will be such a good employee I swear.

I got sexually assaulted, lied to, set up, and someone spent 4 years stalking and retraumatizing me and ruining a business I took 10 years to build and that I got lucky enough to have my dream job in and get out of debt and like... 8 tenths of the way to my dream life and they're making fun of me and telling me it's my fault. They made a fake pop star to make fun of me who is getting rich for stealing my style and my image and my life and claiming it's somehow "karma" even though I didn't steal anyone's shit. The closest I came was doing porn commentary?

And the most likely outcome when I die will be that no one cares, the police think I somehow have undiagnosed schizophrenia or had a psychotic episode, but at least I won't have to tell everyone how it's for the best and it made me a stronger better person while I beg them for another shitty low paying abusive job.

At least I can have that.

The only way to get that is to die. The only way to have any dignity or hope is to die. My only hope is that someone understands what happened and fixes it. Like on a systemic level. I know justice barely exists in the world we live in. But maybe somewhere out there, there is someone who would care enough to solve my murder.

But I tried reporting it and I tried telling people and they just tell me how crazy I am and how I should just quit and go back to being miserable and let them steal my life and get away with it.

If they want my life, the price is they have to murder me fair and square. There can be only one Eva Rinaldi.

[illness-cupid]

bf!anton fingering you.

"is it okay to you if i touch here?" he asked stroking your panties with the tip of his index finger, his touch was so soft it made your entire body shiver. anton's breath hit your ear as if he knew that was your weak spot, so you shyly consented, opening your legs a little more so he could have better access to your pussy.

that was the first time you two would try something more intimate than kisses, you were nervous and anton knew it. before you could think about saying anything, a wet kiss landed on your cheek tenderly. "it's okay, hm? we can stop if you want, baby." he whispered in that calm, loving voice he always had.

you didn't want to stop, so your eyes met his and just with the look you gave full consent for him to touch you. anton laughed and then began to gently circle your panty-covered clitoris, even though it was a simple touch it was enough for you to rub his hand looking for more contact. as you tried to receive more touches, anton bit your earlobe whispering some naughty things in your ear in an attempt to provoke you.

"oh, you're getting wet, hm? you like getting fingered, little doll?" those words were enough to make you moan desperately, almost begging for more touches. the boy's hand quickly entered your panties, directly touching the swollen and wet clit. anton kissed your cheek carefully, he made sure to make your first time as affectionate as possible because he knew how fragile you were.

"tell me you like it, my love, tell me how good i make you feel." his request seemed more like an order, he increased the speed of his movements a little on your sensitive spot without losing his mastery, poor anton, his dick was almost sticking out of his pants when he saw his girl whimpering with his fingers. the feeling was so good that you could barely form coherent words, which indicated that you were close to orgasm. with a few more caresses, your legs shook and you let out a choked moan, taking an arrogant chuckle from your satisfied boyfriend.

"you're so sensitive, i love it." he looked at you like he was looking at a rare jewel. "you're so good to me, how about you help me with a little problem, hm?" he said, taking the hand that was previously on your pussy to his dick.

being a good girl is always the best choice.

[forlovvers]

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ let me in

pair: bf!riki x f!reader | genre: fluff, vampire!au | warning(s): riki is a vampire 😝, a suggestive? joke, nacho cheese cheesy frl | wc: 600 | synopsis: in which riki can’t get into your house without permission, and you love to tease him about it.

lynne’s notez🗒️ : save me riki vampire boyfriend save me

your bedroom window slightly hangs open, letting the midnight breeze fly in and flip the pages of your biology book. the pages flip so often that you have to grab an object from your desk, in your case your phone, and place it on the lower corner of the book to keep it from flipping again.

when you’re finally immersed in reading the required chapters for tonight, a low voice makes your head snap up in alarm.

“hi,” riki’s sitting on the large tree branch outside your window, making him look uncharacteristically small. he’s wearing his signature oversized leather jacket, which is falling off a bit on his left shoulder and exposing the upper half of his bicep.

“riki,” your tone is strict although you can’t suppress the smile that grows on your face. you reach out to push your window open a little further to see him better. “what are you doing here?”

“came to see my favorite girl, of course.” he shrugs casually, leaning closer to your window. you see his face better near the glow of your desk lamp, illuminating all his perfect features. “wanna let me in?” he asks, traces of mischief in his words.

“my parents are—”

“—asleep.” riki finishes for you. he grins wide, his pearly fangs peeking out from his upper lip. he adjusts his jacket so it’s properly on and cocks his head to one side. “c’mon, i haven’t seen you all week.”

his words nearly work on you, but you catch yourself. “i have so much homework and as much as i love you, you’re such a distraction.” you tsk, waving him away and trying to refocus on the words on the page.

“anatomy? i can help you with that.”

“biology,” you correct him even though you can’t help but laugh at his joke. flipping the pages, you do your best to take notes about the mitochondria and not fall for riki’s pleas.

you’re the only person riki would do this for; begging outside your window as if he was romeo. “yn, it’s getting cold out here. let me in, please.” he says, even though he can’t feel any coldness. in fact, the only time when he’s felt cold is when your warm hands finally leaves his.

having enough, you slam your book shut and move it aside and riki knows you’re already going to give in. you lean against the side of your desk and cross your arms, “what are you going to give me if i let you in?”

“anything you want. just say the word.” he grins even wider.

just when he thinks he has you, you hit him with, “be more specific.” you shrug casually, a smile growing on your face, enjoying riki like this.

“a kiss?” he tries, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

“just one?” you inquire, teasing him even further. you shift your position, so now you’re leaning against the window frame. he’s so close that you can practically smell his cologne, a scent so familiar and comforting that you’re tempted to let him right in.

riki runs a hand through his dark hair, a chuckle escaping his lips. “you’re so needy, you know that?”

“i’ve been told,” you lean out the window a bit, your face coming closer to his. he smiles again and he knows he’s got you.

“lucky for you, i’d give you a million.” riki says, closing the little distance between you two and finally pressing his lips onto yours.

[tan1shere]

My Winner

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: This is how we cope ladies and no gentlemen. Enjoy my loves <3

Summary: after the grammys, Billie finds a way to forget. But you find it hard. Knowing that nothings truly ok. (You'll see.)

Warnings: angst, but heavy on the comfort I promise <3 reader has anxiety so mentions of that

Tags: @trulyy-yourzz @eilishslut @chrissv4mp @n0vabug @dollyvuu @dollarbils @sweetcherriexs

^comment if you want to be added^

Masterlist

What an anxiety filled night. It was nearing the end. The grammys. You know, the big event that always either turns someone's life around or ruins it. You had been anxious all day, surprisingly Billie wasn't. She was so excited to just be there. Happy to be with you especially. But you knew as soon as you took your seats she was masking how anxious she was.

The red carpet was full of stars, full of heaps of people you didn't know either. There was always something about your anxiety, and ever since you had the hunch that your anxiety could always tell you if somethings up, you've been listening to that hunch heavily. Billie also knew of this, but you tried keeping extra quiet currently. If she knew you were anxious that'd set her into a complete state of worry. Knowing you seem to get this way when something is up later on. You couldn't let her get anxious about the night. You hold her hand, walking along as photographers took your photos.

You were next to Finneas and Claudia also, Finn spotting your anxiousness in seconds. You really thought you were hiding it better. He pokes your arm as an interviewer talks to Billie. "Hey whats up?" You look up at him. "What do you mean?" His brow raises. "I've known you for how many years now? Don't bullshit me what's up?" His hand rubs your arm, you grab it softly removing it. "I-" You sigh. "Ok, I'm really anxious for today, I have this odd feeling. I don't want her to see me like this though. She's enjoying herself and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Y/n." - "Please don't say anything." He's now the one to sigh. "Fine, but if she notices something is up, tell her. You know she always worries about you." You nod. "I know I know, just want her happy." He gives you a soft smile, kissing the top of your head. It was nice, he was always so brotherly towards you, you always wanted an older brother. "Like I told her, if we don't win anything it'll be ok." He pipes up. You were about to say, everything about the fact she deserves this though, she has a great right to earn this achievement. But you stay quiet, knowing he is right. You just want what's best for her. Knowing she's always so gracious.

She walks back over to you guys. "Hey, it's almost time to go, you ready?" You nod at her, giving her a smile. As she leads you out with such excitement, you look back at Finneas. He gives you a reassuring nod. Settling some nerves within you. Your mind talks as you get there, finding your seat and such. Telling yourself that this will all be ok. If it doesn't turn out good, you can be there for her. Give her encouragement, telling her she did amazing regardless- "Hello, earth to Y/n." She says standing infront of you. You snap out of your trance. "Hm?" She giggles at you. "Silly cutie." The name eases everything within you, looking into her eyes.

"I said here are our seats." She beams. You sit down, watching everyone else do so. "You excited to perform baby?" You smile sweetly at her. She smiles back. "Hell yeah. I mean a little bit nervous but this is honestly second nature to me now. I'm pumped." You could see how genuinely happy she was. It sooths everything you had previously been worried about.

But not for long, when they were up there singing your chest feels heavy, ignoring it like usual, even not in this situation you enjoy your girlfriends performance. But it doesn't go unnoticed by Claudia. "Babe, you alright?" You turn to her. Her comforting tone makes you let go for a moment. "Im still worried, I don't even know why I said in my mind whatever happens it'll be ok." She places her hand on your shoulder. "I think you're more worried about this than her." You lower your head. "I know." Sighing, but Claudia gets you to look at her. "And that's fine I hope you know, you care so much about her. It's really sweet." You felt teary. "I just want her growing more, this place can be a bit.. stingy." She laughs.

"Yep, don't we all know it." She goes to wipe one tear, but you stop her. "It's best if I get then out now so I won't- just in case of anything." The two if you share a laugh, it felt nice. Considering you usually talk to Billie about your anxiety. But that was off limits right now. You pay attention to her again, feeling calmer after your talk with Claud. Vibing to the music, less stressed. But now the roles were reversed. As the categories she was nominated for go on she seemingly is off, not as bubbly as before. But she puts up a front. "That's ok there's heaps more." You reassure her. She turns to you and smiles, wrapping an arm around you. "I'm so glad you're here." Your eyes flutter shut. "Glad I could be here baby." Her grip on you tightens a bit. And it makes you worried.

Nonetheless you push that down, you wanted to be strong for her. Be there for her. You rub her back going to sit back up as more people come to perform.

Billie was off taking some photos, you spotted her loosening up again, enjoying herself. You just thank whatever. Happy she's not as worried. You though, your anxiety was starting to come back. Little did you know it was all for a different reason. Because as soon as that last nomination comes round you didn't feel as worried, your anxiety was still present but it was for something you couldn't put your finger on. The last one was called and as they spoke, you immediately look at Billie, not hearing her name. Feeling devastated but ready to comfort. Your hand lands on her shoulder.

Noticing her eyes glaze over. You weren't expecting that to be quite honest. I mean sure upset, but it catches you off guard. You gently kiss her cheek. "You're amazing. You're my winner." And it's like she flips some sort of switch, smiling at you. But not saying a word. Odd. She claps like the rest, standing up, randomly seeming different from her state a few seconds ago. You saw it though, you knew she wasn't ok. The flip so fast, it couldn't possibly be all alright. The night ends and you all leave, getting in her car in silence. It was worrying you more. You go to speak but she does before you. "Let's go to Paris."

Your head turns towards her faster than anything. "Billie- what?" You were struck with confusion. "Let's go, get away. I know you've been talking about wanting to go for months, years even. Let's do it." You were at a loss of words. "Baby, you have tour this month, not to mention it's going to take us half a day to fly over there." She shrugs. "Yeah, but tours not until the 18th we have plenty of time." You had zero clue on what to say. "Billie-" You say concerned. She knew you were going to say something so she speaks. "Come onnn let's be spontaneous. Let's get out of here. We can go home and pack or I can just buy you whatever when we are there."

To say the least you were overwhelmed. Turning your head, looking infront of you as she drives. You tossed with the decision. Maybe it would be cool to get away. You suspected she didn't want to talk about anything tonight, so you'd leave it for a few days. "What do you say huh?" She seemed too pumped, it made your worries linger. "Yeah, sure. Let's do it." - "Yes! That's what I like to hear."

You had packed things that you'd need. But it wasn't distracting you from the events of tonight. Not like it is seeming to do with Billie. "Have you told Finn or Maggie and such yet?" She shakes her head. "Nope, it'll be fineee." That set your stomach on edge. No it wouldn't, you always kept in contact. "Better yet as soon as we get there lets put our phones on flight mode!" She goes to grab your zipped up suitcase. You let out a sigh. "Letsgooo." She says, heading for the door. "Baby." You then say, and she freezes. "Leave something?" She looks at you avoiding everything that leads to tonight. Talking, comforting. Crying.

Maybe she needed this, needed to forget, you keep to your word of doing so in a few days. "Nope, just wanted to say I love you." You smile. She comes over to kiss you. "I, love. You. Right to Paris we go!" This could potentially be fun now the moments sinked in, and you had been wanting to go for quite some time. You follow her out the door heading onto your travels.

Sitting and waiting for the flight, in a silence. Again. But it truthfully didn't last long, almost as if she didn't want to be left with her thoughts. "Ok, let's turn our phones off." You were a bit hesitant. But maybe that'll also make the trip more fun. Just with one another, enjoying the moment. You grab your phone going to do so, noticing she had posted a photo on her story of the airport. You decide to keep quiet, thinking on if this whole thing really was a good idea. You hand her your phone. "It's off." She smiles. "So is mine." You tap your your foot, moving your knee feeling that anxiety coming back. Oh. This is what your body was telling you earlier...

This.

It was 20 minutes away. You had taken a nap, had some food. Billie? None of that, they brought food around but she insisted on you having it. Making your heart tighten. Feeling so wrong still. Nor had she been asleep for all of those nearly 15 hours, staying up all day and night. It wasn't good. "Hey look at the sunshine." She points out the window. You turn your head, seeing it. Then everything floats past you. "Wow." You say amazed. You had always dreamed of coming here. It's just now set in that it's a reality. "That's, the Eiffel Tower!" You beam with excitement. "Sure is." It was beautiful. All the buildings. You smile contently.

When you land and get out, you're greeted by people with their beautiful accents. "bonjour!" Someone greets. You smile, having had practiced a tiny bit of French. "Salut!" They smile at you. "Wait you can speak French?" You nod. "Just a little. Told you this was my dream." You both smile at one another. "You're going to love our hotel room then! Looking right at the Eiffel Tower." You open your mouth. "A- wha- are you serious?" She nods, smiling more. "Oh my god!" And her plan was slowly working, not for too much longer when you figure it out though.

You arrive at the hotel, settling in. "This is breathtaking." You go out on the balcony. "Is this even real I feel like I'm in a movie." She comes out with you. "Very real my love." Then it strikes you on why she's doing this- But her mind was quicker than your own. "You see the tower there?" She points, making your mind distract as you look. "Got us a table at the restaurant there." You're shocked. "What?! How?" She smirks. "I have my ways." You laugh at her. "Say, why dont we go shopping just in time for tonight?" You nod, going to go for a pee.

She sighs a little. "Back on track." Her eyes wander off to the scenery, taking it all in.

Shopping was heaps of fun, all the pretty clothes, all the beautiful sights. But almost all of these were too expensive. "Maybe we could just-" Billie grabs the handful you were about to put back, putting it near the till. "Why don't you get those shoes you liked!" You stood there for a moment. "Billie.. Those are so much I-" "Nonsense, go go!" It took you a second to snap you out of, well honestly. None of this felt real. Then that heaviness returns to your chest. When you go to protest she had already paid for it. Shoes and all. "Baby I-" Her finger waves in your face.

The reality truly hit you. She was distracting you, she was avoiding everything. She goes to pick up the shoes heading out. You trot after her. "Can we-" "Oou let's go find a cute Cafe!" Your brows lift upwards, sewing together. Your worries were starting to fly right back. But she takes your hand as you go off to do whatever.

This was far from normal. You were getting ready, doing your makeup but you can't shake the feeling of the past 24+ hours. You felt like your mind was going to explode. You had to talk to her, you couldn't wait another day. You walk out of the bathroom, dress on and everything noticing she was dressed up to. You had nearly forgotten the topic that you wanted to discuss. "Uhm, babe?" You say, she turns around, jaw dropping. "Woah." You swallow. "Are you ready? You sure look it oh my god." You walk over to her. "Can we talk for a second?" She knew exactly what was about to come. "We don't want to be late, I made the reservation for 7." She goes to leave but you grab her arm.

"Baby-" She sighs. "I'm getting a bit peckish, are you?" She was avoiding it like the plague. You wait a moment. "Yeah, sure." She smiles, kissing your cheek. "Sweet!" And so it went on, you get to the beautiful and iconic tower, mesmerized. "Oh wow it's beautiful." She grabs your hand. "Not as beautiful as you." You stare lovingly in her eyes, such a romantic city, a forgetful one too apparently. Because just like that you were focusing on it more, finding yourself getting hungry.

The night goes on, it was peaceful. But your mind was not. There was a voice in the back telling you to just say something, but the other is battling it, saying you should enjoy this moment and the fact it doesn't happen very often. The food was delicious the view was unbelievable. Just for tonight.

It's now two days later. You cursed yourself at the fact you haven't tried talking about it. But that ends today, she needs to just let it out. You know it's hurting her deep down. The way she's handling it wasn't healthy. You were currently out getting a massage, 'her treat' which is basically been the moto this whole trip. You didn't want to waste it or seem ungrateful. But you had snatched your phone from her bag, you had to see if anyone texted. And surprise surprise they had. Maggie blowing up your calls. Finneas texting you non stop. Fuck. You regret it getting this far. You wanted to tell them but not until you talked to her first. Your finger moves to tiktok, watching all that was going down.

People saying that we've gone missing and that no ones heard from us. "Jesus." You whisper. "You alright my love?" The sweet French lady asks. How the hell did anyone even know so quick. "You're very tense." - "Yeah just- just some stuff going on right now. Sorry." She chuckles. "No need to apologize my dear. That's why you're here, to relax and be calm." You take in a deep breath, feeling her massage you further. You wish Billie was here with you, but she had been off for a run when you had woken up, seeing the little note and directions to come here. Then your eyes flutter shut and you soon fell into a peaceful slumber. One you hadn't had the night before. Due to all the tossing and turning.

Billie wasn't facing you but you knew she wasn't asleep. Fuck sake. You just can't not talk about this anymore. "Thank you, for the lovely massage." She nods gently. "Look after yourself mon amour." You give her a smile. "Merci." You reply politely. You head back, opening the hotel room to see her sitting there. "Oh you're back! How was it?" You plop your bag down. "Good but can we-" "On my run I saw this cute little wine tasting Vinyard ad, we can get a taxi and head out to it tonight! We could also stay-" You breathe slightly. "Billie-" "Or maybe that'd be too much we could stay there for the rest I know they can do-" "BILLIE!" You finally snap.

Silence.

Dead, fucking silence.

You stare at one another, and you go to speak. "Talk to me please." She averts your gaze. "I dunno what you want me to talk about." Your eyes look up, hating this weird behavior. "Billie you're frightening me. You've never done such a thing before." - "May want to elaborate." You just wanted her to let you in. "Stop shutting me out then and maybe I will!" More silence. "Please, I'm begging you lets just tal-" "I don't want to talk." She gets up but your body moves in her way. "No, you are. I'm done trying to forget, you need to let whatever this is out and this time you will not distract me." She had no. Emotion on her face. "Baby please." Your eyes were teary. "Let me help. Please." You start to sob quietly.

That's all you wanted to do, ever since that night. And there it is, her own sobs cascading down her cheeks. You nod. Proud to see it. She goes to you, hugging you, putting her head in your neck. You kiss her head over and over, trying to calm your heart down. "Its ok, I'm here. I promise." You hold her tight. "Let it in, it'll feel better afterwards." She sobs uncontrollably, having had it built up for days. "I'm so fucking sorry." You shake your head, getting her to look at you. "Don't, you didn't do anythin-" "I did, I went all fucking weird, took you here to forget, just move on. And that look on your face before fuck I'm so s-" This time you cut her off. Putting your hand over her mouth.

"Can I say something?" She nods. You go to wipe her tears. "Theres no need to apologize. If anything I'm sorry for not just doing this sooner, I thought you needed time then you'd come round. But I couldn't anymore. You were hurting and that was hurting me. I couldn't bear it any longer." She swallows. "Since I didn't get to say it then. I'll say it now. I am so fucking proud of you. You don't need some silly shiny award that honestly means nothing in the long run. You are amazing regardless." She hugs you tight. "I don't want to loose you." Your brows furrow. Confused. Then you realize why she's done all of this. She could've resulted to drinking but it was this cold outburst instead.

She was afraid she'd loose you over some silly award. You get her to look at you. "Is this why you took me here? To the place I always wanted to go buying me all this stuff?" She nods sheepishly. "Baby.." Your head shakes. "When did we meet." Now she was confused. "2015 ofcourse." You nod. "When did you first get recognized?" ... "2017 ish.." You hold her face. "I've loved you, as a friend, a partner way before any of this even happened. If that's what you're worried about, think again. Because you could loose all those trophys and I'd still be here. You matter more to me." You smile softly. "You're the only trophy I need." She says. You kiss her sweetly. "Soo, are you calling me a whore?" Her face panics making you giggle. "I'm teasing you baby." Her eyes roll.

"You're a doofus." "I'm your doofus and you're stuck with me." She smiles. "I can certainly live with that."

Everything felt clear. You two did stay in Paris for a few more days, this time with no worry in the world. Truly enjoying yourselves. That is after she texted her family back.

You sat out on the balcony, drinking your whine and her some bubbly water. The night air, cool but refreshing. "You know." She began. "There was a category I was nominated for that they didn't mention." You turn your head, utterly confused. "Having the best girlfriend." Your smile creeps on your face.

"And I fucking won."

:,) ugh cuteness.

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

Bad decisions // Quinn Hughes

No god, no religion … just bad, bad decisions

Summary: Quinn gets dragged to his girlfriends favourite bands concert despite it not being his favourite genre, but all it took was one song to change his mind.

Warnings: drinking, swearing, light fluff, pda (18+)

── ∘◦ ⛤ ◦∘ ──

“I can’t believe you’re dragging me to this.”

“Hey, you knew what you were getting yourself into dating me.” I commented as I applied my lipstick, looking back at Quinn in my mirror.

I wasn’t wrong, but I also never expected him to pursue someone like me either. I wouldn’t really consider myself an “alternative” or “goth” girl though. I had black hair, tattoos and listened to heavier music but I preferred wearing aritzia sweat suits, doing Pilates and swapped wing liner out for clean girl make up. Still, I wasn’t the stereotypical girl that most hockey players go for. I remember the first time I met Quinn and how terrified I was to take my sweater off and expose my full sleeve. But much to my surprise, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. Actually, any time I went to get a new tattoo he came with me and held my hand the entire time. It was a kind of intimacy I never thought I would find.


“I know, I’ve just never been to a concert like this. What if I get stuck in the middle of a mosh pit? Also how loud is it gonna be?”

I chuckled, zipping my boots up, “we’ll stay along the side, and yes, bring earplugs.”

“Oh god.” He groaned, throwing his head back on the couch. “You are so lucky I love you.”

“Well…” I trailed off, standing between his legs, leaning over and gripping onto his thighs. “If you’re on your best behaviour, I’ll reward you for it.”

Quinns head popped up as I peaked his interest. “What kind of reward?”


“Whatever you want.” I replied, hovering over his face. His lips ever so slightly brushing against mine, “but you need to be a good boy.”

“I’m about to become the biggest Bad Omens fan you’ve ever seen.”

About an hour later we arrived at the venue, my stomach was filled with butterflies from excitement. I’ve been a huge Bad Omens fan since 2016 and this was my first time seeing them post-covid. Their new album had been out for over a year and I played it so much I think Quinn was getting sick of it, but I would catch him mouthing the lyrics when he thought I wasn’t looking. This man tried to convince me he only listened to rap and country, but I firmly believe he didn’t want to admit he likes my music. I think he was paranoid his brothers or his teammates would tease him for it.

“I think you’d look really hot in that shirt.” 

Quinn and I waited in line at the merch booth before the concert, which was incredibly long. I saw a hoodie on display that I really liked so I wanted to see if they had it in my size. Another shirt caught my attention and I fully envisioned Quinn wearing it with his black Levis, a backwards hat and his white nikes. Just the thought of it made my knees buckle. 

“You think so?” Quinn leaned his head down to take a better look at the shirt in question. His cheek brushed against me, making his cologne hit my nose. It was the perfect mix of sage and cedar. I gently kissed his cheek, a bashful smile appeared on his face before he pressed his lips to my temple.


“Absolutely. I mean, you make everything look good.” I breathed, still reeling from his lips, “but I’d love to see you in that.”


“If you say so.” He smirked as it was our turn. He bought my hoodie for me along with a signed vinyl, and the shirt I told him to get. He sent me the most devilish grin as he tapped his credit card, knowing he just made me incredibly happy.

We made our way towards the stage, it was already pretty packed so I suggested we stood at the back near the sound booth. That way we would be out of the way of any crowd surfers or mosh pits because no one was dumb enough to fuck around expensive sound equipment. The concert was everything I hoped it would’ve been and more. The openers, I see stars and Erra put on incredible sets. Quinn looked like he seen a ghost when Erra came out, considering they were a little heavier than I see stars were, which made him look so adorable. Towards the end of their set, he was more impressed than scared which was a relief. Small smirks kept showing up on his face that he desperately tried to bite back but he couldn’t.

“You surviving?”

“Yeah, thank you for bringing me.” Quinn replied taking a sip of his drink, “I’m actually having a lot of fun.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I mused, “we haven’t even got to the best part yet.”

Before he could say anything, the lights went dark again and Bad Omens slowly made their way to the stage. My heart was rapidly racing in my chest as the boys opened up with Artificial Suicide. I immediately started jumping up and down, screaming the lyrics, completely forgetting about the world around me. Every now and then I would look up at Quinn, who just had the biggest smile on his face watching me enjoy myself.

Halfway through the concert, the band slowed the pace down, which came at the perfect time. My drinks were starting to hit me, making my head feel lighter than normal. The melody for Bad Decisions started and I immediately fell back into Quinn, becoming enamoured with how his breath crept along my neck.

Her skin feels unholy, but I'm still drawn

The morals I'm holding, you know they're gone…

His arms wrapped around my stomach as he slowly swayed us back and forth to the beat, slow and reverberating. His skin felt warm to the touch as his chin rested gently on my shoulder. The low vibrations from the song along with the siren red lighting was stirring something up in me. My hips instinctively rolled into him, feeling overstimulated by every single sensation that took over my body. I knew Quinn wasn’t complaining, considering I felt him twitch through his jeans.

You can be all I got, what's the difference?

Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions

All I know is bad, bad decisions

Quinn brushed my hair away from my shoulder, slowly planting kisses on my exposed shoulder. Each kiss nonchalantly making their way up to my neck, then my jaw, causing goosebumps as his week old stubble grazed my skin. My eyes stayed shut, as his lips dragged all over me. An audible gasp left my mouth as he lightly nipped at my skin, gently sucking, leaving his mark on me.

“Turn around.”

I turned around, his arms found me again and bringing me closer to him. My hands found their home in his hair, enveloping his curls between my fingers. The soft aura of the red lights made his green eyes the perfect muse in this dark room. I was so lost in him that I forget where we were, the crowd completely melted away from us and it was almost as if we were the only ones here. He had that effect on me, he knew how to make me feel like I was his, and only his. His forehead pressed lightly against mine, lips hovering so close I could taste the whiskey on his breath. The gap was finally closed, his mouth enveloping mine as I turned into putty in his hands. Our tongues danced together as the song was getting close to the end, but Quinn didn’t seem to care. He pressed me harder against his body, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and kissing me with such desperation. He never gave me any chances to come up for air, his lips stayed glued to mine as if my mouth gave him a new breath of life.

Bitter ends to the night, I'm along for the ride

Out of breath, out of time, everything has a price

We broke apart and the smallest smile curved at the side of his mouth as he trailed his thumb along my mouth. Neither of us realized the band started to play What do you want from me? shifting the energy in the venue. The music slowly filled my ears like I was underwater and coming up for air finally. I smiled back at him, I was in a complete state of euphoria.

“Okay you win.” Quinn said into my ear as I gripped onto his shirt to keep my composure. “I definitely just found my new favourite song.”

“You have no idea how happy that makes me.” I mused as I had a lightbulb moment, “we need to get you into the pit.”

“Babe, no -“

I grabbed his hand and drug him into the crowd. Everyone was moving around and having the best time. I had to admit this was one of their better songs and it’s physically impossible to stay still during it. Quinn stood there frozen before giving in and started to jump around with me, not daring to let me out of his grasp. He sung the lyrics he was embarrassed to admit he knew with me, caught a guitar pick for me and held me as I cried during Just Pretend.

“Holy fucking shit, this guy is an animal.” Quinn gasped as the lead singer, Noah let out the most primal, gluttonous screams during the encore of dethrone. He wasn’t wrong though, I could feel those screams in my bones.

The concert finally ended, tears prickling my eyes as black and red confetti stuck to us and covered the entire floor. I didn’t want to leave but we had to. That was the best concert I’ve never witnessed and it felt so bittersweet that it was over.

“So, have I been a good boyfriend or what?”

I just chuckled as we made our way outside. The cold air hit my face and it felt like heaven after being a sweaty mess for three hours. We got into the car and Quinn leaned over to help me with my seat belt. I never once questioned why he started doing it, but I wasn’t about to complain about my boyfriend being this close to me at any given moment. His eyes were a perfect shade of green, the kind of green you wanted your morning matcha to be. They peered so deeply into mine I didn’t realize he asked me a question.

“So what’s my prize?”

“You’ll find out when we get home.”

[bettystonewell]

I GOT YOU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean might not have the best bedside manners and you might not be the best patient, but when you wake up feeling unwell and feverous, he tries to help you out in his own way.

Word Count: 1.1k words

Tags: fluff, sick-fic, language, Dean takes care of you

A/N: I wrote this one a little over a year ago when I was feeling under the weather and sorry for myself. Nothing like a Dean body pillow (if only I could get my hands on one), even when you’re not sick.—————————————————————Masterlist

You woke up that morning like any other. The sound of your alarm calling to you from what felt like a distant room. Only your phone was a mere foot away from you, sitting on the bedside table charging and waiting for you to turn it off.

Dammit. Sam would be waiting for you in the war room, ready to start your early morning run.

You moved to push yourself up and off your mattress, but your body felt heavier than normal, fingers and toes, oddly sweaty. In fact, your whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat, and yet you felt cold.

No. Urgh. No. You couldn’t be getting sick, could you? You’d barely left the bunker in the last few days to run into anyone that could pass any germs onto you. But the further you moved across the floor of your room to your wardrobe to choose your clothes for the day, the heavier your body felt. The foggier your mind became. The snottier your… Urgh…

Fuck this! Fuck Sam and his morning run. You were going back to bed. Hopefully to sleep it off and wake up feeling refreshed and not sick.

You. Were. Not. Sick.

And you kept telling yourself that, splaying yourself out on top of your bed like a starfish, feet dangling haphazardly over the edge.

Lucky there were no such things as monsters under the bed. Or was there? Sam or Dean had never told you if such things existed and you’d certainly never come across any mention of one in the books in the library. Urgh. You were delirious and needed rest.

Rest. Rest was… Good…

A loud thump startled you from your dream. It had been a good dream, too. One where Dean had been…

“Sweetheart?” the object of your desires called out to you from behind the door to your room. “You in there?” he yelled loudly again. Making your eardrums ring with the obnoxious way he insisted on greeting you presently.

Why did he have to be so loud?

You tried to reply, but your voice was dry and hoarse. The sound coming from your vocal cords while meaning to be a “Yeah,” came out more like a cat hacking up a fur ball.

Surprisingly, though, he heard you. Either that or he disregarded his manners as usual and opened the door anyway to find you still sprawled across your bed. Your hair no doubt splayed in every which way across your face and back, while your nose dripped with the mucus you had zero fucks of wiping in that present moment.

His eyes did a once over your weakened form and he commented in a way only he could get away with. At least at present because you had no energy to throttle him.

“Woah! Sweetheart! You look like shit!”

A groan that was meant to come out as a sarcastic “thanks” escaped your throat. ‘Way to make a girl feel better, jackass.’

You slowly sat up, making sure your clothes hadn’t bunched awkwardly in any of the wrong places as you did so. The fear of accidentally exposing yourself to him while you were still stuck in the friend zone fuelled you, even in your under the weather state.

Once upright, your body swayed. Its own weight, too heavy to hold itself and your head up on top of it. Arms doing their best to support you, along with your legs and feet that you dropped to the floor.

Dean’s eagle eyes had been watching you the entire time. Studying your movements and observing the way you scrunched up your face in pain and discomfort.

Without an invitation or an explanation, he walked over to where you now sat and placed himself beside you. A hand coming up to feel your forehead. The drops of sweat transferring to the back of his hand, along with the heat that radiated off of your skin.

“You’re sick!” he exclaimed, his voice hitching on the end.

‘No shit, Sherlock,’ your inner voice said, but “Hmph” was the sound that escaped you.

“You should lie back down. I’ll go get you some aspirin or something.”

The something scared you and you shook your head in protest.

“Don’t be so stubborn. We gotta break that fever. Wait here.” And he stood up and left the room.

Now alone again and no longer feeling the pressure to sit up in front of company, you allowed your body to flop back onto the bed. Your head missing your pillow by inches, but you didn’t care. It was easier to lie where you now lay. Moving was just as difficult as speaking had been, and sleep soon took you again.

You woke to the feeling of something or someone shaking you this time. Strong hands on your shoulders, gripping the muscle and flesh over them too tight.

“Help me sit her up.” A male voice rung through your ears again.

“Dude, she’s really burning up. I don’t know if this’ll be enough.”

“Just, okay Sammy!” said the first.

A second set of hands grabbed your own, and you were pulled and pushed into a sitting position. A softer feeling headboard, or was it a hard muscly mattress, slipped in behind your back? It grew arms and then wrapped them around your frame, pulling you against it.

Fingers pried open your mouth and placed a small object on your tongue. A hard, smoother one pushed against your lips and cool liquid flowed against your teeth and down your chin. A second pair of fingertips massaged your neck and the tiny pill shaped thing eased down your throat and into your stomach.

Your head still pounded when you awoke again, but your body felt less cold and more comfortable. The grogginess of waking made it clear you had finally managed some uninterrupted sleep.

But your pillow felt hard, and it wasn’t like that before. It didn’t smell of whiskey and gunpowder, either. The same scent you loved to smell when you sat in Baby or next to… Dean…

His soft flannel was on your cheek. Short spikey ends of his five o’clock shadow pressed through the strands of hair that graced your head, tickling your scalp underneath. His hand rested on your side, draped lightly by the arm that wrapped around your back.

You were on a lean, lying against Dean. His sock covered feet attached to the end of his denim covered bow legs came into view as you opened your eyes for the first time since he’d arrived in your room earlier that day.

As you moved to sit up, startled by the position you’d found yourself in, his hand pressed you down, gentle but firm. “Stay still and rest, sweetheart,” he said. “I got you.”

You swallowed the lump in your dry, aching throat and attempted to talk. “Dean?” His name left your lips shaky and coarse.

“Best not to talk…” His body leaned some, shifting back into place almost as quick with the addition of a glass tumbler half full of water. “Here…”

The cup tilted into your lips and the cool liquid from earlier lined your inner mouth and throat, relieving the scratch that had tickled them some.

Dean leaned back again, and you heard the glass hit the wood of the table at the edge of your bed. “Better?” he asked softly.

Your head only nodded in response, lazilly and slow was all you could manage.

“Good. You had us worried. Go back to sleep. I got you.”

—————————————————————DEAN TAG LIST:

@globetrotter28 @ambiguous-avery @arcannaa @jollyhunter @zepskies

@reluctanthalfwayoptimism @supernotnatural2005 @jackles010378 @kaz-2y5-spn @applelovesposts

@jaydensluv @foxyjwls007

If you’d like to be added to the list, lmk.

[spacecowboyy0]

chronicles of lamby

summary: little!reader is at a safe house with t141, brings their lamb stuffie but always loses it

notes: lamb stuffie again because it's so cute!, l!r calls simon papa and john da

~1k words

enter lamby:

You beg Price to let you go into the toy store next to the grocery shop. It’s a funny sight for the cashier when you, accompanied by Simon and Soap, enter the store that is primarily filled with baby toys. Price and Gaz decided to go to the car, but Gaz made Soap promise to get a picture of Ghost in the store with you.

You look around for the stuffie and Simon spots them in a back corner and guides you there. You hold his hand as you look around at the most adorable plushies you’ve ever seen. You have to hold back from squealing but you squeeze Simon's hand and bounce on your feet. Johnny stands on the other side of you, helping you find the cutest one. 

“Alright dove, what’s it going to be?” Eventually you narrow it down to a blank and a blank. You make Simon hold them both so you can visualize it better. Johnny makes sure to secretly take a photo of the scene. It’s comical and adorable seeing you stare intently between the two options that look so small in Simon’s hands. 

You walk out of the store with a big smile on your face and a soft lamb in your hands. Simon grabs your hand before you can run to the car, but you try your best to speed walk there. You pile into the backseat, squished between Kyle and Simon, and then make sure that John and Kyle have felt how soft your new lamb is before you head back. During the drive, you wiggle happily with your new friend in your lap. 

lamby out of sight:

The team was staying in a safe house long enough that you could bring your lamb with you. Normally you don’t bring her on missions because you don't want to risk her getting damaged or lost. This mission is a little different, and so there was more leniency with what you could bring. 

The team quickly learns that you have a habit of leaving her around the house.

1.

Kyle walks into the bathroom and finds your pacifier in the sink. Soap had given you a little chain with a clip that could be attached to the pacifier and then onto your shirt, so you had gotten better at not losing it. Sometimes you still forget. He rinsed the pacifier and then dried it on his (clean) shirt. As he reaches to put it on the windowsill, he finds your lamb there. He laughs and places your pacifier beside your stuffie. 

When he leaves the bathroom, he collects your comfort items and walks down the stairs. He heads to the dining room table and finds you looking over some papers. 

“Baby, your pacifier and lamb were in the bathroom.”

“Ohhhh.” You mutter to yourself. “I guess I forgot them while I was brushing my teeth.”

“I thought Johnny got you that clip for a reason.” You look up at him and shrug. 

“Yeah but I got distracted I guess, I noticed the window wasn’t closing properly so I tried to fix it, and then I remember I had to look at this stuff,” You gesture to the scattered papers in front of you. "So now I have to be big and do this.”

2.

You tried to be helpful this morning, even though you feel smaller. John watches from the living room as you walk into the kitchen, set down your lamb and put away clean dishes and make Simon tea. You go to the stairs, planning to head to Simon’s bed so you can cuddle with him. 

“Love,” John stops you. You perk up and look in the direction of his voice. 

“Hm?”

“Your lamb.” He points to where it is on the counter and you turn your head to follow gaze.

“Oops, sorry lamby! Thanks Da.” You walk over to her and tuck her into your arms, careful to keep the mug steady and head back to the stairs. John hears the stairs creak under your steps, and smiles to himself. 

3.

You have once again forgotten your lamb somewhere, and you need her to watch your cartoons with Johnny. You’re all wrapped up in a blanket so you ask him to find her for you. He checks the main floor before going upstairs and looking in the bedrooms. He avoids Simon’s until he doesn't find your plush anywhere else. Simon’s room is right beside yours, but his door is closed so Johnny knocks on it. “Simon?” He waits for a response but doesn’t get one. He says a quick prayer before turning the door knob slowly and pushing the door open silently. On the bed, Johnny can see your plush on Simon’s pillow. Opening Simon’s closed door was one thing, but going into his room is another. 

He slowly steps one foot into the room and the floorboards creak, making him jump. He turners around to make sure no one is around and finds Simon watching him from the hallway. He has his mask on, presumably coming from an errand run, and his arms are crossed. 

“I- uh” Johnny stammers. He looks between Simon and the stuffie. He hears your footsteps as you skip up the stairs. 

“Johnnyyyyy,” You whine. “What’s taking so long? Oh hey Papa.” You see both of them at the entrance of Simon’s room. 

“Is she in there?” You walk past Simon and peer into the room, spotting her on his pillow. You push past Johnny and flop onto Simon’s bed. You giggle when you bounce and then crawl to retrieve your lost lamb. You hop off the bed and go back downstairs, not noticing Soap’s stunned expression or the crinkles around Simon’s eyes (he’s definitely smirking under his mask). 

“Johnny come on! You couldn’t find my lamb and now you’re going to miss cartoons! I thought you're supposed to be smart!” 

4.

You and Simon had to leave early in the morning to collect some information, so you couldn’t say goodbye to John or the others. When John opens his door to go on his morning run, he's met with his favourite hat on the ground with your lamb sitting in it. There’s a folded note tucked in the hat.

The sight gets a smile out of him and he reaches to grab the small piece of paper.

have a good run <3 lamby will keep you company so you don’t miss me too much today!

-your dove

The note stays on the fridge until the team ends their time at the safe house, with a bunny magnet that you also made. John reads it everyday when he’s in the kitchen, and the others tease him whenever they catch his eyes in that direction. (Soap’s just jealous he doesn’t have a note of his own)

[jostew]

Arya had gone though three dresses already that year. It wasn’t HER fault that the dresses were flimsy and she was growing like a weed. She had begged her mother for a pair of trousers like her brothers wore, but Catlyn had insisted that women wear dresses, not to mention she would grow out of trousers just as quickly.

This most recent dress-replacing one that had met with an unfortunate fate in the stables- was a lovely shade of green. It had reminded her of the leaves in the forest, so of course she had to go out and see just how well she could blend in. She was almost able to sneak up on a rabbit, but then she had tripped over the stupid long skirt. Now it was torn at the hem and stained at the ends of her sleeves from catching herself in the dirt. Not that Arya cared one bit, but she was dreading what would happen when her mother saw her. So Arya snuck back into the castle, hoping she could make it to her rooms without being noticed. She would change and do her best to clean it up. Not much to be done about the hem though. She had almost made it when she rounded a corner and bumped into Sansa.

Sansa’s eyebrows shot up at the sight of her, and Arya winced, prepared for the worst.

“Mother’s going to kill you if she sees that”

“Please don’t tell her Sansa” the words shot out of Aryas mouth before she even knew what she was saying. Of course Sansa would tell on her. She felt like her big sister lived to make her feel bad. Sansa never ruined a dress. In fact, she loved to sit in her room and sew, making her dresses just as pretty as she was.

The silence was excruciating as Arya watched Sansa think it over, biting her lip.

“…well come on then” Sansa turned and led Arya to her room next door.

“I think I have some lace that should cover that up. But you owe me.”

“You can have all of my desserts for the next month!” Arya blurted, pulling the dress over her head.

Sansa looked over from her sewing kit and gave her sister a level stare.

“Two months…?” Arya pleaded, holding out the dress

“Two months,” Sansa agreed, taking the dress. “Also stop trying to stab me every time Septa tries to make you sew.”

“Deal” Arya agreed. It wouldn’t be too difficult to sneak herself some desserts from the kitchen, plus Jeyne reacted so much better to getting poked with needles anyways. “Just don’t make it too frilly”

"before the feast"

whenever i see art of these two theyre always rivals😥 i need some sister bonding ft embarrased tomboy Arya and seamstress Sansa

[peachiejeongin]

ink and thorns, part 1 | hyunjin

part 2

synopsis: hwang hyunjin is the tattoo artist you cannot stand for the life of you, always acting so smug, so horrendous, and always attempting to flirt with you. you hate him, but what happens when you end up in his arms after a traumatic night?

pairing: tattoo artist!hyunjin x fem!reader

genre: enemies to lovers, angst, smut, fluff

warnings: mature & sexually explicit content (18+ recommended), lower case letters intended, swearing, pet names (sweetheart, princess, etc.), mentions of anxiety, cheating (not hyunjin or reader), mentions of losing a parent.

wc: 15.4k

notice: hello, my darlings! tattoo artist hyunjin has been on my mind for a while with the revelation of hyunjin's buzzcut and after being inspired to write a longer hyunjin fan fiction. thank you jeonginsleftcheek for the latter (please go read hate your guts, it is such an amazing read!). i hope you all like this story! i started working on it the minute hyunjin's buzzcut was revealed, and i have continued it between writing the other fictions on my account, so it has been a while in the making. thank you in advance for reading and enjoy :)

divider by: @cafekitsune

the door to prism ink studio creaked open as you clutched your printed design like a lifeline. a scent mixed of antiseptic and ink filled the air, the smell surprisingly soothing your rampant nerves.

this was going to be an exciting day for you; today was the day you were getting your first tattoo—a delicate flower you had carefully crafted to celebrate the milestone. after hours of sketching, you had perfected it; each thorn and petal was drawn to represent your personality, your story even—a girl who, although tested and tried at times, stood strong and beautiful like a rose.

you were enthusiastic, over the moon even, to get your first tattoo; however, the moment your eyes landed on the man behind the counter, your stomach twisted.

hyunjin.

of course, it had to be him—the sharp-featured tattoo artist with a permanent smirk and a blonde buzz cut that somehow made him even more insufferable. he was leaning casually against the counter, tattooed fingers idly tapping on his phone and occasionally making the cool silver of his rings clink. as soon as he noticed you, his dark eyes sparked with recognition, and a grin curved across his lips.

you had to resist the urge to turn around and leave.

hyunjin was not just some run of the mill tattoo artist; he was the reason your best friend, nari, had spent weeks crying over her half-finished sleeve. he had worked on her design for months, only to ditch her for a "better-paying client" before finishing the job, as nari had told you. sure, nari eventually found another artist, who notably completed the work better than hyunjin could have ever, but the drama left a bitter taste in your mouth. now, seeing him here, smug and unbothered, made your blood boil.

"well, hello there, sweetheart," he said smoothly, tucking his phone into his pocket. "you lost, or are you here for a tat?"

you swallowed your irritation and forced a smile, although it was visibly faux.

"i have an appointment with changbin."

'ah," hyunjin drawled, leaning forward and perching himself on his elbows as he tsked. "sorry to break it to you, but binnie's out today. got the flu."

"oh." your heart sank. "should i just reschedule then?"

"well you could." hyunjin tilted his head, feigning his thoughts. "that would mean waiting at least two months, though. changbin's pretty booked these days."

you hesitated, the urge to leave growing stronger with every second you had to look at hyunjin's stupid face; however, you had planned this appointment for weeks and felt as if you had waited long enough.

"fine," you eventually bit out. "who else is available?"

"let's see," hyunjin trailed off as he looked to the sky in fake ponderation. "chan's booked all day, felix is on break...looks like you're stuck with me." his shit-eating grin widened.

"you're kidding." you froze, your eyes narrowing. of course this would be just your luck.

"afraid not." he pushed himself off of the counter, tattoos shifting along his forearms as he crossed them. "unless you're cool with waiting an eternity for changbin, i'm your guy."

every nerve in your body screamed at you to say no, but practicality won out.

"whatever." you sighed in a resigned manner. "if i have to, i have to. let's just get this over with."

"love the enthusiasm!" hyunjin teased, motioning for you to follow him. as you stepped into the back, the smell of ink grew stronger, and you swore you saw him smirking over his shoulder.

this was going to be a long session.

the station hyunjin led you to was annoyingly perfect. black leather chairs sat gleaming under the warm glow of hanging edison bulbs, and his setup was meticulous, with ink bottles lined up like soldiers and glinting under the light; his sketch pad rested to the side, flipped open and allowing you to glance at some of his work, from skulls to portraits. Despite your feelings on the artist, you had to admit that the space screamed professionalism.

"you can sit," hyunjin told you, pulling on a pair of black rubber gloves with a sharp snap. "or are you going to glare at me all session?"

"i'm not glaring," you shot back, giving him a look full of annoyance and impatience.

"sure you aren't." he smirked, motioning to the chair.

reluctantly, you sat down, clutching your design. he took it from your hand, his fingers brushing over yours for the briefest second but just long enough to send a spark of irritation through you.

"a flower," he mused, holding up the design to the light in order to inspect it. his dark brows lifted, and the faintest smirk played on his lips. "how original."

"i like it," you snarled through a clenched jaw.

"good thing that's all that matters." he tossed the paper onto the counter and grabbed a fresh sheet to sketch. "but this could use some life. where you want it?"

"my wrist."

“risky,” he warned. “one of the most painful places for a tattoo.”

“i like taking risks. what can i say?”

hyunjin did not respond; instead, his gaze lasered in on the design as his hand glided over the paper with practiced ease. you hated how skilled he looked, hated the way his lips pursed in concentration and his lashes cast shadows against his chiseled cheekbones. he had no right to be so ethereal while being such an insufferable person.

"i’m making the petals softer," he explained, spinning the sketch around to show you. the design had more depth now, with delicate shading and a subtle curve that made the flower look like it was swaying in the wind. "see? it looks better."

"it's fine, i guess," you muttered, refusing to compliment him. you hated to admit it, but he was right. his artistry complimented the design much better than yours ever could have the potential to, and it looked absolutely gorgeous.

"wow, try to hold back your excitement," he chuckled. "you'll hurt my ego."

you ignored him as he prepped the station, the buzz of the tattoo machine igniting a fresh wave of nerves.

"first tattoo?" he asked, snapping you out of your anxious thoughts.

"yeah," you responded shortly.

"though so." he crouched beside you, his face annoyingly close as he adjusted your wrist with a light grip. "relax, alright? it's not that bad. besides, you can't be scared of needles and be a bitch. pick one."

"excuse me?" you scoffed. "can you just do the tattoo without the comments?"

"where's the fun in that, sweetheart?" hyunjin laughed, the sound low and rich.

hyunjin grabbed a cleaning cloth and quickly dabbed it over your wrist. he then carefully, yet firmly, applied the stencil he had drawn out on the sterilized area.

“look good?” he asked, holding up a mirror so you could see the outline. you nodded, watching as he grabbed the tattoo needle after your response. he dipped it in a fresh bottle of black ink and aligned it carefully over the stencil; its first touch against your skin made you wince, causing hyunjin to pause. 

"you good?"

"fine," you replied, albeit through clenched teeth.

"alright. just breathe for me, princess."

"stop with the pet names."

hyunjin tuned out your last comment, already focused on the work at hand. his teasing demeanor slipped away as he worked. the machine's hum filled the silence as you watched hyunjin constantly wiping the tattoo needle clean, dipping it in different colored inks to complete the intricate shading he had added to the tattoo. for the first time, you saw a different side of hyunjin; he was calm, focused, and precise, completely contradicting his normal cockiness. after what felt like hours, he wiped the tattoo clean and leaned back, letting out a satisfied sigh.

"there. not bad for your first time, especially not for a wrist tattoo."

you glanced down at the flower blooming across your wrist, the details soft and intricate, exactly as you had hoped they would be.

"it's nice," you admitted begrudgingly.

"nice?" he raised a brow. "i'll take it. come back when you want another one. maybe get something less basic next time."

“doubt it,” you remarked, shooting him a glare. you swiftly strided to the door, preparing to exit; you did not get too far before hyunjin yelled after you.

“leaving without paying, sweetheart?” he inquired, stepping back behind the counter as he propped his chin up on his palm. you snapped your head in his direction, rolling your eyes as you let out an aggravated sigh. you pulled out your wallet, digging out three twenty-dollar bills and throwing them on the counter before turning to leave again.

“not so fast.” you stopped in your tracks, throwing your hands up in vexation.

“what now, fuckass?”

“only sixty bucks?” hyunjin counted the bills as if to accentuate his words. 

“yeah,” you obliviously responded. “that’s what the price estimate was when i talked to changbin.”

“i’m not changbin, princess,” hyunjin retorted, setting the bills down to the side. ���for a two hour appointment, especially with that much detail, you’re looking at about a hundred and twenty for me.”

“a hundred and twenty?!” you repeated, your voice raising out of anger. “i don’t have that much on me!”

“well, you’re in luck,” hyunjin replied with a fakely sweet tone. “there’s an atm right behind you.” he pointed to the grey banking machine right behind you, making you groan in frustration. you stomped the couple of steps it took to get to the atm and infuriatingly inserted your card, extracting another set of three twenty-dollar bills and slamming them in front of hyunjin. the smug, amused smile he had on his face made you want to slap him.

“there. a hundred and twenty bucks. can i go now?”

“what? no tip?” hyunjin quirked an eyebrow, his lips curving as he watched your stature further enrage.

“assholes don’t get tips,” you retorted.

“makes sense as to why you’re so uptight,” hyunjin scoffed.

“oh, fuck off,” you turned towards the door, finally making your leave as hyunjin yelled out a comment about how you did not say he was wrong.

you swore you would never go back.

you convinced yourself that hyunjin’s smug remarks and relentless teasing were not worth the trouble. sure, his artistry was undeniably stunning, but facing him again? absolutely not.

yet, here you were, standing outside prism ink studio for your second appointment; thankfully, changbin was finally back, and he had some free time in his schedule. thus, he offered you what he called a “make-up appointment” to apologize for missing your first one. to make matters even better, you had specifically asked if hyunjin would be working that day, to which changbin assured you he was not. your optimism of avoiding hyunjin was high as the bell above the door chimed. stepping inside, you were greeted by the now familiar whiff of the shop.

"welcome back, princess."

you have got to be kidding.

hyunjin was behind the counter again, leaning casually like he owned the place. his buzzed hair was freshly cut, accentuating his chiseled features even more, and his colorful tattoos peeked out from the sleeves of his black shirt. he looked up from his phone, his smirk spreading when he saw you.

"what are you doing here?" you snapped, stepping forward. "where’s changbin?"

"number one, i work here,” hyunjin shot back sharply. “number two, he’s out sick again. i’m covering for him today."

you stared at hyunjin, disbelief and frustration warring in your gaze.

"seriously? he promised he would be here today! does he ever show up for work?"

hyunjin shrugged, clearly enjoying your annoyed stature. "he can’t help getting sick. no use in whining about it."

"whatever. when's his next appointment?" you clenched your fists tightly as you asked, digging your nails into your palms as a way to hold yourself back from unleashing all of your bottled wrath.

"let's see." hyunjin tilted his head, pretending to think. "a couple of months, give or take, but  you're in luck; i just so happen to have an opening right now. if you’re desperate enough, that is."

desperate was not the word, but the idea of pushing your design back another two months made you want to scream. it had taken you weeks after your first appointment to muster up the courage to get another tattoo, and the thought of waiting again was unbearable.

"you're really the only one available right now?” you questioned, sighing sharply.

"yup. seems like fate to me," he remarked, a wolfish grin prominent on his face. you thought fate seemed more like a cruel joke.

"fine," you snarled. "but this is the last time i’ll ever come to you for a tattoo."

"sure it is," he drawled, leading you to the back room.

the session started much the same as last time, with hyunjin throwing in a steady stream of comments designed to test your patience.

"another flower, huh? you're growing an entire garden," he teased, sketching out your new design.

"so what?" you muttered. "sure, flower tats are unoriginal, but they’re pretty."

"that's because i made them look pretty," he shot back. before you could retaliate, hyunjin spun his sketch pad around to show you his newly-crafted drawing. the design, which was a cluster of wildflowers trailing along your forearm, was breathtaking. It had depth, movement, and the same soft elegance as your first piece.

you hated how good hyunjin was at his job.

"it's alright," you shrugged, refusing to meet his eyes. hyunjin chuckled as he prepared his station.

"you are a terrible liar, you know that?"

hyunjin cleaned the area of your forearm the tattoo would be placed upon before placing the stencil on top of it. once you had confirmed the placement, he dipped the tattoo needle in an ink cartridge ; it touched your skin for a second round, a much more bearable and familiar sensation now. for the next hour, your focus was on any and every thing except the steady hum of the machine. your gaze kept trailing to hyunjin’s hands, which were warm and steady. you noticed how his concentration was absolute, fully devoted to his artwork. you could not stand how professional he could be when he was not preoccupied with driving you insane.

as he worked, your phone buzzed on the counter. hyunjin glanced at it, smirking as he read the notification.

"boyfriend checking in?"

"none of your business," you dismissed quickly, sitting up slowly and swiping your phone away with your free hand, careful not to make hyunjin jerk the needle.

"that's a yes, then," he remarked, his tone casual but sharp enough to cut. "wonder if he knows how much time you've been spending with me lately."

your heart undeniably skipped a beat, but you covered it with a glare of faux annoyance.

"i have spent two tattoo appointments with you, and you act like it’s been two weeks or some shit," you growled. "focus on the tattoo and not my personal life, please?"

"only because you said please, sweetheart."

when the session ended, you analyzed the tattoo; as with the first one, it was absolutely gorgeous, but you would never admit that to hyunjin. 

“looks nice,” you commented, though hyunjin caught the admirable glimmer in your eyes.

“yeah, yeah, i know you love it.”

“love is a strong word, fuckass,” you chuckled, knowing full well he was right. instead of responding, however, hyunjin handed you a business card with his number on it. 

"here. for appointments," he explained. “because i know after two flakes, you’re not gonna want to try changbin again.” despite his words, the gleam in his eye suggested he had other intentions. 

you took the card reluctantly, fully intending to never use it; however, as soon as you had paid and got to your car, you saved the number in your phone, giving hyunjin a contact name that you felt was fitting.

"fuckass."

the days after your second tattoo were quiet.

you could not stop staring at your phone, where hyunjin's number sat in your contacts under the hilarious nickname; at first, you had told yourself you would delete his number. having it felt unnecessary, especially considering his flirtatious manner paired with your relationship status. not to mention, you did not see the point in keeping the number of someone you could not stand.

but every time your thumb hovered over the delete button, something stopped you. maybe it was the nagging curiosity about his ulterior motives aside from “appointments.” maybe it was the urge to blow up his phone, bombarding him with a million questions about his work or about why he dipped out on nari. whatever it was, yet you refrained, keeping to yourself in an uncomfortable, deafening silence.

the last thing you were expecting that wednesday afternoon was a text notification, his contact name bolded above the messages icon.

fuckass: 'bet you're still admiring my work. don't forget to moisturize btw. wouldn't want the flowers to fade.'

you stared at your screen, incredulous.

you: 'how did you get my number? and do you text all your clients, or am i just lucky?'

his reply was instant.

fuckass: 'you put your phone number down on the information sheet before every session, dumbass. and i just text the ones who talk to me like i ruined their lives. it's cute.'

your fingers hovered over the keyboard, torn between ignoring him and firing back. against your better judgment, you chose the latter. against your better judgment, you chose the latter.

you: 'wow. professionalism really is dead.' fuckass: 'professionalism is boring. you would hate me more if I was boring.

you rolled your eyes at his response, tossing your phone aside and hoping that this conversation would be the end of your interactions with him.

spoiler alert: it was not.

over the next few days, hyunjin made it a point to text you almost every morning; sometimes, it was about your tattoos, and sometimes it was just to talk to you.

fuckass: 'favorite flower?' you: 'why?' fuckass: 'research for your next tattoo.' you: 'who says i'm coming back to you?' fuckass: 'you will.'

his confidence was maddening, but what was worse? he was not entirely incorrect.

you: 'daisies.'

one particularly bad day, you found yourself staring at his contact again, debating on whether or not to block him. the day was a disaster from the start: work was a mess, your boyfriend had not messaged you all day, and your anxiety was spiraling out of control.

to distract yourself, you scrolled through your messages, finding yourself rereading hyunjin's texts. against all logic, they made you feel...happier. his cocky attitude was infuriating, sure, but it was also humorous, almost grounding in a sense.

before you could stop yourself, your fingers were moving.

you: 'why do you always message me? you have to have a bunch of other clients you could be texting.'

his reply came within seconds.

fuckass: ‘yeah, but none of them are as fun to talk to.' fuckass: ‘don't get a big head about that btw. i can picture your smirk from here.'

despite what hyunjin thought via message, you were not smirking; you were smiling, the tension in your chest easing tremendously.

it was weird how the asshole always knew how to unintentionally make you feel better.

the weeks blurred together, each day filled with an irritating mix of responsibilities, and, somehow, more messages from hyunjin. he had worked his way under your skin in the most obnoxious way possible, texting you things at the most inconvenient times.

the weirdest part? it felt like hyunjin was texting you more than your boyfriend was. here recently, your boyfriend had gotten into a habit of going days, sometimes a week without responding to your messages; he always passed it off as you “overthinking” considering you lived together. yet, as the weeks went on like this, your gut began to unsettle at the feeling. you had thought about asking hyunjin for advice, if this was how guys normally acted; however, you subsided, letting the matter play out for itself. in fact, you were in the middle of staring at your phone, waiting for a message to pop up from your boyfriend explaining where he was at the hour. when your phone dinged, you became hopeful.

the wrong contact name popped  up, however.

fuckass: 'if you had to pick a tattoo right now without thinking, what would it be?' you: 'a stop sign.' fuckass: 'ha. ha. you're sooooo funny.' fuckass: 'seriously tho. what are you getting next?' you: 'don't you have actual clients to bother?' fuckass: 'i’ve already told you, sweetheart. you’re funner to talk to.' you: ‘funner isn’t a word.’ fuckass: ‘i’m a tattoo artist, not an english teacher.’

you did not understand how he had such a flaring ere to him. he had a sense of self-pride that was unmatched, and he talked to you as if it was a natural, flowing thing to do, despite the prior tension to your "professional" relationship. no matter how much you told yourself to ignore him, you never did. there was something infuriatingly safe about hyunjin. he was consistent, yet annoying in the same way every time you spoke, and he was oddly insightful when he was not messing with you.

if only his thoughtfulness could save you from the heartbreak about to ensue.

it was a saturday afternoon when the first red flag appeared. 

you were out with friends, sipping coffee at a small cafe, when your phone buzzed. you glanced at the screen, expecting it to be a social media notification or an annoying reminder to turn your volume down on your phone.

instead, it was a text message; a photo, to be precise.

fuckass: 'this your guy?'

the image was grainy, clearly taken from across the street. no matter the quality, however, you could recognize the face anywhere. 

it was unmistakably your boyfriend; he was smiling as he leaned in far too close to a girl who was not you.

you: 'what are you doing?' fuckass: 'saw him on my way back to the parlor after my lunch break. thought you should know.'

you stared at the screen, your vision blurring. part of you wanted to accuse hyunjin of lying, of stirring up drama just so he could get under your skin; however, you knew that the picture did not lie, that it could not lie.

your fingers shook as you typed out a reply, anger clouding your judgment against all odds.

you: 'stay out of my personal life.' fuckass: 'k. suit yourself.

as soon as you got home, your boyfriend called, acting as if everything was normal. his voice grated on your nerves, every word sounding like a lie. you wanted to confront him, to demand an explanation for the photo hyunjin had sent you, but the thought of it made your stomach churn.

instead, you found yourself rushedly hanging up the phone, claiming to be tired. you did not take a nap, though; you typed out a message to hyunjin.

you: 'do you have any proof that he's cheating on me? like hardcore evidence?' fuckass: 'thought i was supposed to stay out of your personal life?' you: 'i wouldn't ask if i didn't want answers.' fuckass: ‘why is the photo not “hardcore” enough?’ you: ‘idk, what if the girl’s like his cousin or something?’ fuckass: ‘why would he be that close to a cousin?’ you: ‘idk. i just need something else to prove it.’ fuckass: ‘you think i would lie to you about something like this?’ you: ‘hyunjin, please.’

it took a few minutes, but another photo came through. this one was clearer, sharper; your boyfriend was holding hands with the same woman from the previous picture. 

fuckass: ‘there. i ended up walking past them and snapped that.” fuckass: ‘i was trying to send you the one that would break your heart the least, but you’re fucking stubborn so there you go.’ fuckass: ‘there’s one of them kissing, too, but i’m not making you see that one.’

you stared at the picture for what felt like hours, your chest tightening with every passing moment. how could this be? how could the man who claimed to love you, who claimed he would give everything for you ruin your relationship in an instant? you felt your face go hot, tears streaming down your face as you sobbed to yourself.

you were broken out of your thoughts by another text from hyunjin.

fuckass: 'you okay?'

you did not reply. you did not know how to.

a week passed before you found the courage to do anything.

the photo sat on your phone screen like a tragedy you could not take your eyes off of. it was late, midnight to be precise, and well past the hour confrontations should happen; however you did not care. you had spent the past few days trying to ignore it, hoping it was not true, that hyunjin had misunderstood the circumstance. yet, the weight of the photo was overbearing, suffocating you each time you looked at it.

you paced your apartment as you waited for your boyfriend to return home; he had been out all day, doing only the good heavens knew what. every second ticked by like it was a warning. the image burned into your mind: your boyfriend's hand clasped around hers, his thumb just barely over her knuckles in a way he always did with you.

when his key finally turned the lock, your heart dropped to your stomach.

he walked in casually, kicking off his shoes without a second glance in your direction. 

"hey," he greeted, his voice neutral. "why are you still up?"

"where were you?" you asked, your voice sharper than you intended. "your schedule said you got off at 5:00. it's 12:00."

he froze for a split second before recovering, tossing his bag onto the counter.

"out with friends. why?"

"you didn't think to call?" you gripped your phone tightly, the corners of it pressing into your palm. "which friends were you with?"

he frowned, clearly caught off guard.

"why does it matter?"

"because i want to know who she is," you snapped, holding up your phone to show him the photo hyunjin had sent you. his expression shifted in an instant, his confident mask crumbling. he stared at the screen, his jaw tightening.

"the hell is this?"

"you tell me," you retaliated, your voice shaking with a mix of anger and heartbreak. "who the fuck is she? and don't you dare lie to me."

he stepped forward, his hands raised in mock surrender.

"baby, i promise you it isn't what it looks like."

"oh really? because it looks like you're holding her hand," you shot back bitterly. "and it also looks like you've been lying to me for only god knows how long."

"it's not-" he began, but you cut him off.

"don't," you warned, your voice breaking with each syllable. "don't you stand there and insult me with excuses. tell me the truth. are you cheating on me?"

the silence that followed the question was deafening. he looked away, his shoulders slumping.

"it's... complicated."

the world seemed to tilt beneath your feet; your head spun as you formulated a response.

"complicated?" you repeated, your voice hollow. "how is it complicated? you either cheated on me or you didn't."

he did not answer, but his silence was louder than any confession. your chest tightened, and tears burned at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall.

"i trusted you," you told him quietly, your barely-audible voice quivering as you spoke. "i gave you everything, and this is how you repay me?"

"it wasn't supposed to happen," he tried to claim, his voice nearing the octave of a whisper.

his response was all it took to break you. the tears spilled over, smearing your mascara down your cheeks; you laughed bitterly through the pain, almost sounding psychotic.

"i don’t know how being romantic with someone who is not your girlfriend isn’t supposed to happen, but congratu-fucking-lations. it happened." he stepped closer, but you backed away. "don't. get the fuck away from me, and get out."

"y/n, please-"

"i'm not going to say it again," you apprised, your tone crackling with rage. "get the fuck out of my house. we are over."

for a moment, he looked like he might argue, but then he nodded, grabbing his bag and his shoes and heading for the door. when it shut harshly behind him, the apartment felt unbearably empty, the quiet pressing in on you from all sides.

you sank onto the couch, your head in your hands, trying to breathe through the asphyxiating pressure in your chest. everything felt raw, like the air itself was too sharp against your skin.

disregarding how you felt in the moment, disregarding every ounce of pain coursing through you, your mind wandered to one thing: the only person who had warned you of what was coming, and the only person you knew could take away your sorrow in the moment.

hyunjin.

you found yourself self-consciously reaching for your phone; this time, there was no hesitation as you scrolled to his contact.

you: 'do you by chance have an opening?' fuckass: 'for you? always.' fuckass: 'everything alright?' you: 'just need a tattoo.'

you did not offer an explanation, and to your bewilderment, hyunjin did not push for one.

fuckass: 'come to the studio in a couple of hours. i’ll be here.'

the studio was quiet when you arrived; quiet was an understatement, as a matter of fact. there were no cars in the parking lot, and there seemed to be no one inside. you walked towards the entrance, your steps hesitant but purposeful. hyunjin was waiting for you at the door, the only semblance of life within the colorful building. his smirk was replaced with a look you did not recognize as he unlocked the door.

"you look terrible," he commented bluntly as you stepped inside; however, his tone seemed uncharacteristically soft rather than demeaning or teasing even.

"thanks. just what i needed to hear tonight," you mumbled, avoiding his gaze. "can i just get my tattoo?" hyunjin nodded, not arguing and leading you to his station without another word.

"i thought the studio would still be...y'know, open," you remarked, attempting to mask the quiver in your voice with the smug comment. "why did you tell me to come here after hours?"

"i always bring the prettiest clients here," hyunjin replied, his voice seeming more genuine and sweeter than teasing. "no, i just thought you could use the quiet. we were pretty busy today, and i didn’t want the noise to overstimulate you."

his care surprised you, and you found yourself nodding as you kept your gaze glued to the ground; however, your heart warmed at the gesture, at the smallest semblance that he did have some form of a heart.

"thanks."

"no problem. what's the design?" he inquired once you were seated. you handed him a rough sketch you had made a couple days prior as a way to distract yourself from what was happening with your boyfriend; it was a cluster of forget-me-nots, delicate and intricate.

"pretty," hyunjin remarked after a moment, his voice retaining its gentle demeanor. "why forget-me-nots in particular?"

"doesn't matter," you replied, your voice angrier than intended. hyunjin's lips twitched as if there was some sort of sarcastic comment waiting to spill out; however, he just nodded.

"alright. where do you want it?"

"here," you responded, gesturing to the inside of your forearm.

hyunjin studied you for a moment, his eyes searching yours. instead of pressing, he nodded once again and got to work sketching a stencil.

placing the outline onto your skin, hyunjin flipped on his tattoo gun, its hum filling the silence. for once, he did not try to distract you with his jokes or relentless teasing. his focus was unwavering, more so than usual, and his hands steadied as they moved over your skin.

when the needle paused, you looked up to find him watching you.

"what?" you questioned in a defensive manner.

"nothing." he shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. "you're just...quieter than usual. it’s weird."

"maybe i'm just sick of arguing with you." you swallowed hard, forcing the accumulated lump in your throat to stay down.

"i highly doubt that," he replied lightly, but the concern in his eyes lingered.

the machine's faint whir filled the tense quietude again as hyunjin resumed his work. you focused on the sensation, the rhythmic buzz and sharp prick of the needle pulling you back into the present.

hyunjin did not speak again until he wiped away the ink and inspected his progress.

"almost done," he commented, his tone calm. "how are you holding up?"

his question seemed to have a double meaning, and you pondered for a moment, wondering if he was referring to your tattoo or your personal life.

"fine," you lied, no matter what circumstance he was referring to. your voice was tight, and hyunjin tilted his head, clearly unconvinced but letting it slide.

"cool."

the final moments of the session passed quietly. when he finished, he leaned back and set the machine aside, turning your arm to show you the tattoo.

"there," he said softly, his tone almost proud. "whatcha think?"

you blinked down at the design, the intricate cluster of forget-me-nots etched delicately into your skin. they looked fragile but strong simultaneously, their soft edges balanced by the clean precision of hyunjin's linework.

they mirrored your current situation to a tee; you were vulnerable because of what had happened, yet you kept standing strong, refusing to blow over.

"it's beautiful," you whispered, your voice cracking on the last syllable. hyunjin did not respond, his eyes locked on yours as if they were searching for something.

that is when it happened.

the dam inside of you broke, the tears spilling over before you could stop them. you pressed your hands to your face, trying to conceal your sadness in order to keep the same strength the forget-me-nots were supposed to represent, but it was no use. the sobs came in waves, years of trust, love, and betrayal crashing down on you all at once.

hyunjin froze, his eyes widening into golf-balls. then, slowly, he leaned forward, his hands hovering just above your back as if he was not sure you would let him comfort you.

"hey," he called softly. "it's okay. let it all out, sweetheart."

"i...i don't even know why i'm crying. it's so stupid." you shook your head, the words tumbling out in broken stutters.

"it's definitely not stupid," he countered firmly, his demeanor low and grounding. "you're allowed to be angry, y/n."

"i feel so pathetic." you dropped your hand, meeting his gaze through the tears.

"well, you're not," he retaliated, his brows furrowing together. "you're human. and a human who has been through hell, at that."

the tenderness in his voice hit you harder than anything else, and before you knew it, you were leaning forward, burying your face in his chest as your arms snaked tightly around his waist.

hyunjin stiffened for a moment, then his arms came around you, strong and steady. he did not say anything; he just held you as you cried, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back.

minutes passed, feeling more like hours, before the racing panic inside of you quieted. when you pulled back, your cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"i'm sorry," you muttered, wiping at your face as your gaze quickly flickered away from hyunjin's. "i didn't mean to-"

"don't apologize," he interrupted softly but firmly. "seriously. you needed that hug." you nodded, unsure of what to say.

"you have a lot of people who care about you, y'know," he spoke after a moment, leaning back in order to give you space; although, his eyes never left you. "you don't have to go through this alone."

"funny." a small, humorless laugh escaped you. "that's exactly how it feels."

"i mean it," hyunjin responded quietly, his tone unwavering. "you are not alone. i don’t care how that douchebag made you feel. you are worth being cared about. you’ve got this, okay?"

for a moment, the weight of his words settled over you, heavier than you expected.

"thank you," you finally stated, your tone barely rising above a whisper. "you know, you aren't the asshole i thought you were."

hyunjin gave a small, genuine smile in response.

"i try not to be. i’m always here for you, princess."

the ride home from the tattoo shop felt heavier than usual, your arm wrapped protectively in the thin plastic film that hyunjin had meticulously applied. the air outside was crisp, the kind that made every breath sting just a little, yet, it did not distract from the hurricane of emotions inside of you.

it was not just your breakup, though the trauma of that alone was enough to leave you reeling. it was hyunjin; his words, his steady presence, the way he held you as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

for someone you had spent so much time resenting, he felt alarmingly like a safe space for you.

when you got home, the silence of your apartment felt suffocating. you dropped your bag by the door, staring at the faint outline of the couch where you had just laid hours earlier, crying your poor heart out from sheer betrayal. the memories lingered in the walls, in the spaces between the furniture, and it was all too much.

your phone buzzed in your pocket, pulling you out of your thoughts.

fuckass: 'make it home okay?'

the question was simple, but it hit harder than you had expected it to.

you: 'mhm, i got here alright.'

you hesitated before typing the next part.

you: 'thank you. for earlier.' fuckass: 'anytime.'

you stared at the screen for a moment, longer than you had intended to, before setting your phone down and heading to the bathroom. the forget-me-nots on your arm stared back at you in the mirror, their ethereal petals a sharp contrast to the rawness you felt inside of you.

but they were beautiful, and they were yours.

and for the first time that week, you felt the smallest flicker of hope.

the next few days passed in a blur. you threw yourself into work, hobbies, and anything else that would keep your mind from spiraling too far into its own mental traps. hyunjin had not been messaging, and you did not know whether to feel relieved or disappointed at that fact.

but you could not stop thinking about him.

you could not stop thinking about the tattoo or the way he had comforted you. you could not shake off the subtle shifts in his behavior, the way his teasing had softened into something resembling protectivity that night. you had spent years building walls around yourself, and somehow, without even trying to, hyunjin had started to tear them down.

you were not ready to face that music. not yet.

not until a week later, when you found yourself back at the shop. you had not planned the visit; your feet had carried you to the parlor before your brain could catch up with your actions.

the door jingled as you stepped inside, and hyunjin's head snapped up from the counter where he had been sketching. his eyes widened, and his lips quirked into a soft smirk.

"well, well, well," he smirked, a hint of surprise present in his voice. "trouble's back."

"don't sound so shocked," you shot back, though your tone lacked its usual sass.

"what? you miss me already?" there he was. there was the teasing guy you had grown to know, standing there as he crossed his arms over his chest. you rolled your eyes, but the corners of your mouth twitched upwards despite yourself.

"actually, i need to talk to you."

"about what?"

you hesitated, your fingers fidgeting with the strap of your bag. 

"the flowers you did. the forget-me-nots. they're absolutely perfect."

"yeah?" hyunjins smirk softened into something warmer, something legitimate. “looks like they’re healing nicely, too.”

"yeah," you agreed, meeting his gaze. "i just wanted to say thank you, but properly this time."

"don't mention it, sweetheart." he shrugged, but the way his eyes lingered on you betrayed his nonchalance. "it was nothing."

"but it was," you insisted. “it meant a lot to me.”

for a moment, the air between the two of you shifted, heavy with unspoken words.

"so," hyunjin started. "you want another one?"

"another tattoo?" you blinked at him.

"duh. unless you came here just to flirt with me," he replied, his playful smirk returning. you felt your cheeks heat up, and you cursed yourself for letting him get to you so easily.

"don't flatter yourself."

"too late," he responded with a grin, gesturing for you to follow him to his station. "you're in luck; i've got an opening, so let's see what you've got."

as you sat down, you could not help but notice how his demeanor had shifted. the cocky bravado was still there, but underneath it was something softer, something almost gentle.

something from that night was still lingering.

you pulled out your sketchbook, handing him the simple sheet of paper; the design you had chosen for this occasion was a simple daisy, its petals unfurling in soft, graceful lines.

"your favorite," he remembered, his voice seeming almost reminiscent; the way he had recalled the information made your heart jump, your body becoming overcome by a heat that was previously absent.

"any reason you chose this other than it being that?" his question fixed you back into reality; his eyes fixed on you, the orbs seeming as if they were searching your physicality for an answer.

"it's..." you hesitated, your fingers brushing the edge of the drawing pad. "it's for me. for everything i've been through these last few weeks. i get a lot of flower tattoos, yeah, but they all represent my strength. this one is a reminder that i’m still me." hyunjin nodded, his gaze softening.

"i get that."

there was something in his tone, something that made you glance up at him. for the first time, you realized how much you did not know about him, like who he was, where he came from, or what had shaped him into the person standing in front of you.

"have you ever gotten a tattoo for that?" you asked, surprising yourself with the question.

"maybe." hyunjin tilted his head, his lips quirking into a faint beam. "but you would have to figure out which one."

you rolled your eyes, but your curiosity grew.

“hm…that one.” you pointed to his forearm, where a dragon wrapped itself around his skin; the detail was intricate, almost as if the dragon was breathing fire in real time.

“very good, princess,” hyunjin smirked. “how’d you know?”

“lucky guess, i suppose,” you shrugged, smiling. “what’s it mean?”

“well, dragons are fierce animals,” hyunjin began. “i got this done after going through a breakup to remind me that i was tougher than i thought.”

"how ironic,” you responded with a dry laugh, to which hyunjin’s eyes brightened. “what's your favorite tat?"

"what's with the questions, sweetheart?" he questioned, his gaze turning cheeky once more. "finally warming up to me?"

"don't get ahead of yourself," you warned. "and i don't know. just curious i guess."

his expression shifted then, turning from bright to thoughtful as he turned his other arm over to reveal a small, delicate design on the inside of his wrist; it was a crescent moon, cradled by wisps of clouds.

"this one's my favorite," he told you softly. "did it on myself, actually."

"what's it mean?" you repeated the question, tracing the shape with your eyes, your heart tugging in a way you did not expect it to. hyunjin hesitated, his stare dropping longingly to the tattoo.

"i got it for my mom," he explained after a few brief moments of silence. "she used to say that the moon was watching over us both, no matter how far apart we were." the vulnerability in his demeanor caught you off guard, and for a moment, you were speechless.

"that's beautiful," you responded quietly. hyunjin shrugged, but his eyes stayed on the inked design.

"she passed a few years ago. i guess this was my way of keeping her with me."

your chest ached at the raw honesty in his words, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out, your fingers brushing lightly atop his wrist.

"i'm really sorry, hyunjin. i didn't know."

he looked up then, his eyes meeting yours with a softness that felt almost unbearable.

"it's okay," he replied. "it's nothing i really go about parading." the moment stretched between the two of you, silent and fragile, until he cleared his throat and pointed to his station. "i should probably get started on your sketch."

you nodded, sinking into the seat as he began to prepare.

the session went as the others with him had gone, adorned with teasing comments but finishing with a beautiful daisy coming to life on your right shoulder. the only difference is, when the tattoo was finished, you found yourself reluctant to leave. the shop felt warmer than the cold, biting air outside, and hyunjin's presence had a way of anchoring you in a way you had not expected.

nevertheless, you reached hesitantly for the door handle of the parlor, only stopping when hyunjin called for you; the door jingled a little as you opened it slightly before closing it once more, and you slowly turned your head in his direction.

"you gotta be hungry after that session, right princess?" he asked, snapping off his gloves and discarding them in a nearby trash can. you blinked in reply, a tad surprised by his question.

"i mean a little," you reluctantly answered. "why?"

hyunjin grinned, grabbing a ripped jean jacket out of the space behind the counter and slinging it over his shoulder.

"come on," he commanded. "there's a place around the corner that has killer ramen."

you hesitated; the idea of spending time with him outside of the shop felt both thrilling and dangerous. not to mention, you were incredibly skeptical of anyone's attempts to be nice after the revelation of your boyfriend's faux love.

"look, if this is just you trying to act on some sort of feeling because i'm single now-"

"it's not," hyunjin quickly interjected, correcting you as he scoffed. "just think of it as my treat to you. you've been through fuck knows what and i wanna give you something nice. is that so wrong?"

"when we're supposed to keep this relationship professional, just a little," you unintentionally snarled out.

"like i said," hyunjin started, leaning down to meet your height, "professionalism is boring. now, are we getting food or not? my break starts in a minute." you thought about it for a few moments, and before you could talk yourself out of it, you nodded.

"sure. why the hell not?"

hyunjin moved his arm down in a victorious motion, holding the door open and giving an 'after you' gesture as you joined him in the chilling wind.

the ramen shop was tucked away on a quiet street corner, its glowing LED sign swaying gently in the cold breeze. inside, the space was small and slightly closed-in, with warm lighting that bathed everything in a golden glow. the hum of soft jazz music mixed with the quiet clatter of chopsticks against bowls, creating a lively yet comforting atmosphere.

hyunjin led you to a booth near the window, shrugging off his jacket and sliding into the seat across from you. you hesitated before sitting, suddenly hyper-aware of how close you were to him in such a cozy, unfamiliar setting.

"order whatever you want," hyunjin told you, gesturing to the laminated menu.

you picked it up, scanning the options, though your focus kept shifting back to him. in the warm light, his features looked softer, less guarded. your eyes drifted from the contours of his jawline, to the tattoos decorating his arms and collarbones, back up to the strange beauty of his buzz cut. there was something disarming about seeing him out of his usual sharp surroundings; it was almost like seeing a different side of him.

"you're staring," hyunjin interrupted your thoughts, his eyes still fixated on the menu.

"i am not," you shot back, narrowing your eyes at his teasing smirk.

"sure, sweetheart. and i'm a model." you rolled your eyes, setting down your menu to look at the artist; his eyes were now on you, boring an unfamiliar look into you. there was a certain...sincerity to his cheeky manner, and the realization made your cheeks heat up.

he certainly could be a model.

"whatever," you mumbled. "i'm ready to order." upon your words, hyunjin waved over the waitress and gave her both of your orders with an ease that suggested he was a regular here.

when the food arrived, steam billowed from the bowls, carrying the rich aroma of miso and chili. hyunjin handed you a pair of chopsticks, and you both dug in, the first few bites melting away the lingering awkwardness.

"so, does the parlor know you bring your clients out to lunch, or are we keeping that secret?" you asked, breaking the silence with daring look at him.

"what do you mean clients?" hyunjin raised an eyebrow, adding extra emphasis on the plurality of the word. "i told you: this is just a pick-me-up for you. seeing you quiet is...weird. do you really think i'd go out of my way for everyone that comes to me for a tattoo?"

"i'm sure the charm works on everyone," you replied, rolling your eyes.

"awe, you think i have charm?" he tilted his head innocently, laying a hand over his heart.

"don't push it, hyunjin," you warned, holding up your chopsticks to punctuate your words. to your shock, he laughed; the sound was low and genuine, and it made your chest tighten in a way you did not expect it to. you shook your head, attempting to brush the matter off, but the small smile on your lips gave you away.

halfway through the meal, the conversation shifted, the teasing giving way to something that had been nagging at your mind since you began your appointments with hyunjin.

"nari came by the other day," you said, carefully testing the waters. hyunjin's chopsticks paused midair, and his expression flickered before he schooled it into something neutral.

"she did, did she?"

"yeah," you responded, picking at your noodles with your chopsticks. "whatever happened with that? y'know, her tattoo?" he sighed, leaning back in his seat and running a colorful hand over his buzzed head.

"i'm assuming she told you i bailed on it."

you halted for a moment, unsure whether or not to push on the matter.

"did you?" you questioned, finally looking up to make eye-contact with hyunjin.

"it's...complicated," he answered, his voice quiet.

"i am tired of hearing that from men," you scoffed, unintentionally directing your internalized anger from the week onto hyunjin. "that's not an answer."

hyunjin's jaw tightened, and for a moment, he did not say anything. when he finally spoke, his voice was calm, an edge of vulnerability beneath it.

"nari wanted something really intricate added onto her sleeve. she wanted a phoenix stretching across her entire arm, but halfway through, she changed her mind about the placement and the design."

"so you stopped?"

"i didn't have a choice," he explained, meeting your eyes. "i tried to explain how difficult it would be to start over after we had already done the outline, but she got upset. I told her we could redo it another day, but i guess she didn't take it too well."

"so, you didn't quit on her," you frowned, piecing the story together. "you just tried to be honest with her?"

"yeah," he answered softly. "i don't think she saw it that way though. she said i didn't care enough to finish it, and... i don't know. maybe she was right."

"that doesn't sound like you," you retorted before you could stop yourself.

hyunjin looked at you, his eyes searching your face for something; he was not exactly sure what it was, however.

"you don't even know me."

"maybe i don't know you," you admitted. "but i have interacted with you more than enough to know that you wouldn't give someone a half-finished tattoo without a reason." hyunjin's shoulders relaxed upon your reassurance, which told you that he appreciated the vote of confidence.

"looks like i was right: you are finally warming up to me, princess" he teased, his attention going back to his food.

by the time you left the ramen shop, the sky had morphed into a blanket of stars, the chill in the air biting at your skin.

"c'mon, I'll walk you to your car," hyunjin suddenly insisted, his voice casual but his eyes holding a quiet intensity. you nodded in reply, clasping your jacket tighter around you.

the walk was quiet, the kind of silence that felt comfortable rather than awkward. when you reached your vehicle, you paused before opening the driver-side door. you turned to face him, a small but appreciative smile on your face.

"thanks for tonight," you said gently. "i really needed that pick me up."

"anytime." hyunjin smiled, but it did not reach his eyes; instead, his already dark brown eyes had noticeably darkened, carrying a familiar, intense emotion within them.

the weight of his gaze made your breath hitch, and before you could stop yourself, you stepped closer, looking up at him with pure admiration in your gaze. his eyes flickered to your lips, his body tensing like he was holding himself back.

"don't," he muttered, his voice thick with something you could not exactly determine.

"don't what?" you whispered, a hand unconsciously placing itself on hyunjin's chest.

"don't look at me like that," he responded, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face.

the air between you felt electric, every nerve in your body alive with anticipation. then, as if pulled by some kind of invisible force, your lips met his in a kiss that was slow, passionate, and filled with everything you could not put into words.

for a moment, the world stopped spinning. the only thing that existed was the warmth of his mouth against yours and the way his hand cupped the back of your neck like he never wanted to let go. every emotion you had felt was spilling over into the kiss; hyunjin was an absolute asshole at times, sure, but it was not in the way you had initially envisioned. he never had bad intentions, and his nature only came from the fact that he was an absolute tease with a difficult past.

you were falling in love with the enemy.

"look who's acting on feeling now," hyunjin smirked against your lips, going back in a second after saying it; however, his words contained a different sort of weight. the snapped you back into reality, and you pulled away from hyunjin, your heart racing from a blend of passion and anxiety.

you were falling in love with the enemy…and you were not ready to.

"i...i'm so sorry," you mumbled, your gaze going down to the ground.

"for what, sweetheart," hyunjin questioned, his tone breathy. "don't say for doing that without asking, because you have no idea-"

"i can't do this, hyunjin," you stammered, stepping back until your back was pressed against your car. "I shouldn't have kissed you. i’m not ready for something new."

“sweetheart-”

“no! this was a mistake!”

hyunjin's expression fell, a flicker of hurt crossing his face before he masked it.

"if that's what you think," he shrugged, his demeanor clearly painful. 

you did not know what to say, so you thanked him for the meal once more, your heart pounding as you disappeared into your car. hyunjin watched dejectedly as you drove off, his heart aching with the thought of what could have been.

or what could still be, as a matter of fact.

Taglist: @velvetmoonlght, @amararosesblog (If you would like to be added to the taglist, please let me know!)

[twistedpink]

Who’s your valentine? @/cafekitsune banner

And the spinner says….

Jamil + hurt to comfort + non sexual intimacy (Post-graduation, ~1000 words)

Everyone and their mother knows how hard Jamil works. (Literally, there’s a colony of older women that pass him trinkets on the way to work now) It’s practically a walk of fame whenever you take him out.. Your neighborhood is poorer than most, and he’s got the best job in the building by far! Your man, a big shot <3

You’re lucky that even with all the attention, nobody sees the holes. That all the friends from college stopped visiting after the first month of avoiding clubbing like the plague- and it’s not that he’s abusive! Far from it! You only worry for his reputation, now that it really matters..

It feels like all you do these days is worry. How the washing machine is making those noises again (the sigh Jamil makes when you bring it up), or how the neighborhood cat turns her nose up at you even though you’ve spent hours at the porch for her (he says it’s a waste of time and money, but he’d never liked cats very much anyhow).

He goes on and on about how you should be resting and enjoying the “free time” you have more than you talk about anything meaningful anymore- You even miss small talk, and small talk sucks!

But, tonight, you’ll give him mercy. Today just feels special, and instead of mourning your past, sparks will fly!

When Jamil gets home you’re in a pressed, tight ensemble. Dinner is made fresh. The apartment is spotless (save for some petals)! It’s tasteful, romantic ;) He doesn’t make a single comment. In a frantic scramble to save dinner, you make the first contact in what feels like months

“So, how’s dinner? I tried out that seasoning pack you got!”

“I see.. You definitely tried.” Your own husband feels alien now- And it’s no wonder. He’s doing all these big, important things at work, and what do you do? What can you provide other than a decent meal and complaints?

Nothing.

Jamil heads to bed before you do, as he’s done for years, expecting you to amble in after a spot of trash tv. He isn’t awake long enough to cuddle, or do much of anything for your pleasure nowadays,,

The pleather couch is your only comfort now- and between fits of insomnia and cold sweats your covers are tossed aside in favour of wrestling up any half-decent sleep. Tomorrow will be better. There’s always tomorrow.

.

“Tomorrow”, as a concept, is terrible. A horrible thing tied so enthusiastically to hope should be illegal, but, boiling baths are pretty famous for making things more bearable, and you’re willing to try! There’s still rose petals in the hall, you kick limply at the velvety blobs in your peripheral, even if they don’t deserve the spite. If one thing’s for sure, you’ll probably never do something like this again.

The bath is already drawn when you arrive, aromatic steam tickles at your body hair as you’re lowered into the tub like one of those hot spring monkeys. You miss going to the zoo. God, you miss dates! It just feels like takeout and movies grew legs and walked away after your wedding- You were young, then, so full of potential,,

“You could’ve asked to join me.”

Suddenly, your eyes dilate like a kitten looking at a plastic mouse, and that faint, aware part of you floats away in the steam- Not before reminding you that it’s the weekend :) ! You can only watch as a drop of condensation make it’s way down his torso and into the towel laying loosely across his hips..

You waste no time- water splashes over the edge when you rush beneath the bubble cover. Sure, he’s seen you naked more times than you can count, but this is private!! You consider tossing the shampoo bottle, but decide against it. Even that’d be too good for him.. He’d run the bath with your salts and soaps, this belongs to you on principle!

“It’s my bath, I don’t need to ask!”

“Is that so? Then, I don’t need to either.”

You sigh before helping him in limply with one hand, and flicking water towards his face with the other- His hair is braided and tied back, but the front pieces where you helped him cut bangs a few years ago skim across the foamy surface. You resist fixing his exhausted hunch to spare your his pride.

You grab for his ankle with the tepid washcloth, and rub circles into his skin. He sinks back into the water to scooch into your touch and more of his hair gets wet, you make a note to wash it later.

“Is anything going on? Are the neighbours treating you well?”

Hm. Now you know his angle- Even after all these years, Jamil’s never been the type to initiate physical touch, but he knows you like it. The snake’s trying to butter you up!

“I’ve been treated well enough. Gonna’ start looking for a job soon, I think it’d be good to get out more. You understand, don’t you? With all the people you see?”

The wash cloth’s much softer in the warm water, and you scrub harder- only stopping when you notice the area going a little red. No matter how mad you are, he doesn’t deserve dry skin,, Jamil tosses around sighs and mumbled comments. You don’t need to work, he says, and you respond in kind. but I want to. The muscles in his thigh flex a little in response- akin to an eye twitch, you’d learned early on that he’d use flexing as a subtle way to reduce stress in school. He can’t hide from you here.

“Why would you want to work? It’s the worst way to spend your time. We have enough money- let me provide for you until we retire. You shouldn’t have make that sacrifice.”

You make him turn in the narrow tub, and begin to lavish his back and shoulders with the soapy water. Despite your ministrations, he stays so tense. Thinking back, maybe Jamil had never been truly comfortable.

“You ‘sacrifice’ yourself every day for your job. I’m tired of being alone all the time. Tired of not having you when I need to- When was the last time we were close like this?”

“I guess.. You’re right. We need to do this more often, but I only want you to work if you want to.”

“I do! Promise! But, in return I want you picking up less hours. There’s no point if you’re not here.”

For the first time in years, you are happy. He leans into your chest lovingly, and looks at you. Really sees you again, like when you were younger, when you were passionate. The change’ll take time, but for now, you’re happy with the progress.

“Happy Valentine’s Day. Thank you.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day??”

Beta read by @/Echosofmortality!!

[luvfy0dor]

“I Still See it All ♡⁠˖” Chuuya Nakahara x Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

warnings; drinking, angst, death, may seem ooc, reader is (was) fighting Fyodor with the ada, I only proofread the first 2 paragraphs and I pumped this out in about 57 minutes so it might not be the best lmao

description; The memories of yourself and Chuuya were almost palpable in your mind as your torso leaked thick, crimson blood. It felt as though you could reach out and grab his hand again, kiss him again- feel him again. You watched the cloudy and hazy scenes in 3rd person, as if you were an onlooking spectator on the sweet moments between the two of you as your life slipped through your fingers.

a/n: hey guys I'm sad cuz I got too scared to rizz the huzz at my last swim meet of the school year so now y'all gotta be sad with me LMAO

You were still in a state of shock as Fyodors blade ripped back through your torso just as quickly as it moved when it impaled you. Your brows knitted together as you watched the blood seep through your shirt, your lips dropping down into a scared frown when two and two finally clicked. You were still high on adrenaline, but aware of what was happening. Your body felt stiff and it was hard to move on your own- every thing was slowing down and becoming shaky and foggy as your eyes welled up with tears. The balance that had once been stable and distributed in your body was now gone, and you couldn't stop yourself from falling backwards onto the hard ground. You hit your head and winced, slowly closing and opening your eyes, blinking back your tears and redirecting them from the center of your waterline to stream down the sides of your cheeks. The more your tears fell, the clearer you could see. A couple feet infront of you, you could see Fyodors tall, slender, form approaching with a cynical grin plastered on his thin, pale lips. You could tell they were moving, but you couldn't make out exactly what they were saying. You shut your eyes once again and tried to take a deep breath. The longer he hovered over your bleeding body, the colder you felt. His frame blocked the sun from hitting your face and allowing you to feel that natural warmth, but once he finally got out of the way and walked in the opposite direction, it felt even better than before.

It brought you back. All of a sudden, you were under the same sun, dancing on the bricks of public walkways with Chuuya in Paris. He held your waist and one of your hands, a smile on his face as the two of you spun and stepped together. The summer heat made the both of you sweat, but it didn't stop you from having a good time. You didn't even recall how you ended up there, but you didn't have the energy to try and remember. You could only remember the memories with him, the sound of his voice and laughter- him in general. After dancing until your feet were tired, you both stumbled into the grassy patches next to the street, your laughter never stopping. "Chuuya, where'd you learn to dance?* You asked, your speech a bit slowed from your earlier alcohol consumption. Chuuya was the same way, if not worse. "Mmm, I dunno babe- think I was just born with the natural talent." As he said this, his nose scrunched up and he spoke with his lips turned upward into a smug, proud grin. You giggled and playfully slapped his shoulder. "You should join talent shows as a side hustle." You slur, resting your head on his shoulder and gazing up at the Eiffel tower. "Maybe, but only if you're my salsa partner." You huffed. "I could never." Your eyelids grew heavier with each moment you say idly. If you didn't want to sleep, you'd have to move. "Mm, Chuuya, let's go see the river!" You say, standing up and pulling him along with you. He stumbled to his feet and follows you down the street, under the Eiffel tower to the railings that overlooked the water. "Do you think there's fish?" You asked, looking over to Chuuya with wide eyes. He huffs in disbelief. "Ofcourse there's fish, dumb dumb." You rolled your eyes and shrugged. "Well I dunno...I'm not an expert in...fishology..." You murmured, folding your arms over the railing and leaning against it. "I can tell."

The two of you occupied yourselves with conversation for God knows how long, and it was some of the most enjoyable time you'd spent in a while. You were so immersed in the subjects and the only time your thoughts drifted elsewhere was when you couldn't help but think about how happy you were to have met him and got to have this experience. You were both so into talking that you didn't even notice the change in the clouds until you felt the rain droplets splash against your head and nose. Over the time, the both of you had come closer to full sobriety. "We better get back to the hotel." He said with a sigh, adjusting his hat. "Yeah, good idea- in not really looking to get soaked." You huff, grabbing chuuyas hand as you started walking back. It wasn't a very far walk, but the rain was coming in quick, so you had to make it fast. The quicker the rain started to downpour, the faster your speed walking got, which ultimately backfired because you soon slipped and fell on the bricks. "Woah, are you alright?" Chuuya asked, bending over to make sure you were good, a hand on your shoulder. You stared at him for a moment before nodding and giggling. "Yeah, I'm alright, thanks babe." He offered his hand to help you up and you gladly took it, using the opportunity to pull him into a quick peck on the lips. "Aw man, im pretty wet anyways now." You groaned when you pulled away, but started to accept it because it was really all you could do. "Yeah, you gotta be more careful next time." He says. "Wouldn't want you to break a tailbone or nothin'."

Hah. If only he could see the position you were in now. Your memories cut out like radio static when you hear Atsushi scream out your name. You couldn't have been on the ground that long, but memories of Chuuya made you feel like you could live another lifetime with him before the blood loss could kill you. "Atsushi..." Your whisper of his name was like a phantom on your lips, slowly disappearing into the atmosphere without reaching anyone's ears. Your eyes slowly closed. Your heart was beating in your ears and your head was pounding. Your midsection was burning and sore and you couldn't tell if your next breath would be your last or not. You tried to lift your head from the ground, but in the moment it felt like one of the most physically taxing things you could do. Your vision started to blur again, and all the noise muffled. The beating in your ears was already slow enough, and with each passing second it just became slower. "This is it," you thought. "This is how I die. And I can't do a damn thing about it." The idea made you internally panic, but it took too much energy to show it on your face or act on that feeling of fear. "Chuuya?" You whimpered out, calling for your boyfriend, only for it to fall upon deaf ears. Your lips drew into a tight line and you whimpered, your tears falling even faster now. Ever since you met him, you wanted to die with him by your side, looking down at you with love as you went and passed over into the afterlife, but now all you had to stare at was a bright blue, slightly cloudy sky. "It kind of looks like his eye color." You thought, before exhaling quietly and closing your eyes, one last time.

A/n: yk that one song our last summer from mamma mia? Yeah that's this. Again I'm sorry if it's kinda cheeks the only thing I've been writing lately are school essays and responses, but I had a conversation with Eli before I wrote it out discussing how I kinda wanted it to go and originally this was gonna be a fyodor x reader fic but I changed my mind

[skribbledarker]

Added to this little drabble…. idk just have this cause the brainworms are affecting me BAD

—-

They fall silent after that, but Zoro’s fingertips never still, grazing over the sensitive skin on Sanji’s back. They travel almost over every inch— Like the mosshead is trying to map the marks Memorize them.

Zoro isn’t gentle by nature. He’s crass, rude, and gross, especially to Sanji. they don’t do gentle. But this… this is nice.

“Why are you hiding?” Zoro says after a while, and Sanji bristles at that, because he is, isn’t he?

He rocks forward, wrapping his arms around himself. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Luffy and Usopp are sad ‘cause you don’t take baths with us anymore.”

“Luffy and Usopp will be fine,” Sanji retorts, his eyes starting to follow the pattern of grout on the floor for lack of something better to do. “Is wanting privacy such a fucking sin now?”

Zoro’s hands still. “Sanji.”

Every time Zoro uses his name, it gives Sanji pause. He doesn’t know whether it’s because it rarely ever comes out of the mosshead’s mouth or because he’s still getting used to being just Sanji.

At the Baratie, it was always Sanji with the big nose, or Sanji with the prissy bangs, or Sanji, the kid who doesn’t have enough meat on his bones to hurt a fly. It stayed that way, no matter how much muscle he put on or how many products he ran through the blonde strands every morning. It’s not any of the rowdy cooks’ faults, though. Zeff did his best, but that’s just how working in a restaurant goes (he’d never stop trying to prove them wrong).

“Sanji, turn around.”

I don’t want to. “What, you done staring?”

“You’re being stupid.”

Sanji knows he is, but something guilty amd spiteful in him still pushes him to snap back. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

Evidently, Zoro becomes impatient, standing abruptly and tromping over until he’s sat down right in front of Sanji. Sanji, pointedly, does not look up. He has half a mind to put his discarded shirt back on and leave.

“I meant what i said,” Zoro murmurs, his knee bumping into Sanji’s from where he’s mirrored the way the blonde is sitting. His voice is quiet, measured.

“About me sprouting ferns?” Sanji tries, a wry smile on his face. Then there’s a hand tilting his chin up, urging him to bring his gaze to Zoro’s. This is dangerous, he thinks briefly, but the way Zoro licks his lips before answering makes apprehension simmer down into something else, sitting low and heavy in his stomach.

“No,” Zoro whispers. Sanji didn’t think so; not with how the swordsman’s breath fans warm over his lips.

—-

and then they kiss but i didnt write that part OUGHHHHHHHHH THE ZOSAN BRAINROT IS SO BADFD IM CRYING but take this while i figure my shit out and get to the 10 wips ive been working on

Back on my bs with another Zosan brainworm…. post Skypiea feels

—

Sanji, after having his “I needed a light” moment and getting shocked head-on by Enel, gains big lichtenberg scars that never fade. They’re darker than his usual skin tone, spiraling down the back of his neck, the entire expanse of his back, then curling around his shoulders and hips.

he hates them. Sanji thinks they make him look diseased, or like Frankenstein, sort of.. He doesn’t think scars are bad or ugly, no. It’s just the way they look on him.

He goes to so many lengths to hide them from the rest of the crew; he takes showers after everyone else is asleep, and his short-sleeved shirts get pushed to the back of the closet.

Chopper’s the only one who’s seen them. well, until Zoro. Somewhere in between when they didn’t like each other and when they suddenly did, the swordsman catches Sanji late at night in the bathroom, shirtless and twisting around himself to look at his back in the mirror.

Somehow, they end up on the floor, Sanji sitting cross-legged on the tile, hunched over with red tipped ears as Zoro sits behind him, taking his time tracing the patterns over Sanj’s skin.

“Do they hurt?” Zoro asks, grazing a calloused thumb over the back of Sanji’s neck.

“Sometimes. they sting when it gets cold.”

Zoro doesn’t say anything for a long time. Sanji feels like a bug under a microscope, just sitting there, being inspected like this. He finds himself zoning out— he doesn’t want to be here right now. This is embarassing.

“I like them.”

“Huh?”

And then Zoro’s hands are smoothing over Sanji’s shoulders, warm and careful like he’s handling a blade. “What, you don’t? It looks badass.”

no, they really don’t. “No. It looks…stupid.” Ugly, is what Sanji wants to say, but he doesn’t. The word suddenly seems a little too crass for whatever’s going on right now.

“Do mine, then?” Zoro counters, and that’s different. Zoro wears his like a collection, each mark a record of battles he’s won and lost and a testament to the shit he’s survived. Sanji hasn’t ever been blemished like that, barring the faint lines on the bridge of his nose still barely visible after eleven years. The scars just look out of place on him. Like they aren’t supposed to be there.

“No, no.” Sanji shakes his head. “Yours are— are badass.”

Zoro pauses again. “They look like vines.”

“Oh, so i’m sprouting greenery like you, now?”

That gets an exasperated huff out of Zoro, and Sanji can feel breath fanning over the back of his neck. “Stop, ‘m serious.”

It’s frightening, kind of, being laid bare under the watchful eye of someone else like this. Sanji can’t even see Zoro (well, besides his hands), but it’s almost like he can— the weight of his gaze falls heavy on Sanji’s back.

“Of course you are.”

A chill slides up Sanji’s spine when Zoro’s hands slide down to his waist, thumbing at the spots where the scars encroach onto his stomach. “ ‘s Pretty.”

Sanji’s throat suddenly feels dry, because the admission of pretty feels less like a descriptor of the lightning bolts spiraling down his back and more about him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Never thought I’d hear you call something ‘pretty,’ you brute.”

“Maybe you needed to.”

Maybe you needed to. Fuck, Maybe Sanji did.

—

gughhhh this was supposed to be a little drabble but got out of hand so fucking quickly??1!1?1?

anyways i want to shoot both of them dead lololololol

i also love projecting my self-image issues onto Sanji…. my blorbo AHHH

[funnier-as-a-system]

Big decision making has made me decide to try ADHD meds. My psychiatrist is awesome and she assures me that none of the effects are permanent and if I don’t like them, I can stop and go back to how I was before.

But my question is…what do I do if the meds cut off communication between me and my headmates? I’m not sure we know how to function completely independently from each other. Some of us don’t, definitely.

What advice can you give and what do you know about ADHD meds and the impact they have on headmates?

Might it go in the opposite direction and make communication EASIER? And CLEARER? And make us work more efficiently as a team?

I know the number one thing people taking them say is it makes your brain “go quiet” and I don’t like the sound of that. I’m not prepared to only have one train of thought and I’m a bit nervous about how I’ll react.

There's no one certain way that ADHD meds will impact your internal communication. Some say it makes communication more difficult, others say they make it easier, still others report no difference at all; for some, their brains "going quiet" can include not hearing their headmates as much, but for others, their brains "going quiet" can just mean that their brains calm down enough that their headmates' voices are clearer. So, unfortunately, this is something that won't make its effects obvious until you're on the meds for a while.

But even if meds make communication more difficult, it's unlikely that it will just stop entirely. In addition, you can practice external communication if that sounds like it might be helpful – things like keeping a journal, leaving each other notes, and co-fronting or proxying* to write messages back-and-forth without having to switch (you can even hold entire conversations this way, though it may take some practice).

* I'd recommend asking other system blogs about this, because I don't feel that I can give a good explanation and description of proxying.

At the end of the day, your psychiatrist is correct that you can stop taking ADHD meds if that treatment doesn't work out, which includes if the meds impact your internal communication badly enough that it's not worth taking them. If this happens, perhaps bring up the possibility of short-term meds that you only take when you need to focus on something, rather than daily meds (which I assume you'll be trying out). We tried out ADHD meds, and the negative side-effects outweighed the positives, so we stopped taking them. If worst comes to worst, you can do the same and look for alternative treatments.

You don't have to just wait for results to appear before you take action, though. By recording how you feel and what's going on within your system each day, you can track symptoms, positives, and potential problems as they appear. If you start now, you'll also have records of how you are when you're not taking any meds, so you can compare later down the line if needed (or just wanted, if you're ever curious). Keeping your own records to refer to can also help your psychiatrist know what the effects of this new treatment are, when they appeared, and how things are likely to develop in the future.

In short: things might go better than you expect, if things go poorly they can be fixed and new plans can be made, and in the meantime, you can keep a personal record of your internal and external functioning to help keep track of things and catch any problems you might face early.

Wishing you the best, anon!

[casscainmainly]

Hi! I've loved reading your thoughts on Cass and other overlooked characters on this blog, it's really opened my eyes and made me want to explore canon more (sadly until recently I was solely into fanon)

I've seen you talk about Steph a lot, and you seem like one of the best people to ask about her. See, I've only ever seen shallow portrayals of her in fanon, and when I've tried looking into canon, I get...mixed portrayals at best. Especially when it comes to her dynamic with Bruce or Tim. And I'll admit I got put off by it.

But since you've already made me excited to learn more about Cass, I figured if you like Steph too, she must have more to her than what I've stumbled onto. So if it's not too much trouble, could you recommend some comics/stories to help someone trying to lose the fanon goggles get to know (and hopefully adore) her?

Hi!! I'm so glad you're diving into comics, it's a wild ride but honestly a lot of fun <333. And Steph is definitely a character with incredible amounts of depth to her. For a full reading list, check out @bitimdrake's reading order (it stops at the New 52 which is a company-wide reboot, for post-N52 stories check out this page and then this one).

Steph's portrayals are often marred by misogyny both in and out of text. Her relationship with Bruce can be off-putting, and sometimes her treatment will be absolutely infuriating. However, all of this makes her super interesting to me - she's a character who refuses to give up, whose tenacity is so strong it even defies real life mandates to erase and belittle her! If you stick with her, you will come out with a character who's so much more than anyone ever thought she'd be.

I'm not a Steph expert by any means, so I'd recommend asking Steph-centric blogs like @a-bad-case-of-the-stephs (whose metas are incredible) because you might get better recommendations from them! But for Steph stories I've personally enjoyed, they are:

Batman: Huntress/Spoiler - Blunt Trauma: After an earthquake, Steph teams up with Huntress to take down some bad guys. This one issue undoes a lot of fanon - it dives into Steph's outlook on life, moral beliefs, and her relationship with her father. Highly recommend!

Batgirl (2000) #26, 28: In Cass' Batgirl run, Steph features as a prominent side character and their relationship is one of my absolute favourites. #26 is a Steph-centric issue where she fills in for Cass, and explores her insecurities in a really fascinating way. #28 is also a Steph highlight, showcasing her perseverance and why Cass is so impressed with her.

Solo (2004) #10: Not sure if it's in-continuity, but Damion Scott (Cass' co-creator) has a super fun story in here about Robin!Steph and Cass. Just really adorable and fun, and one of the best encapsulations of the Steph-Cass dynamic.

Batgirl (2009): Jumping over to Steph's Batgirl run, it does hit better if you've read Robin '93 but honestly it's good either way. Steph has so much personality in this run, it's incredibly fun and shows her humour, resilience, and heart, as well as some of her flaws. Really really worth reading!

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home: Batgirl: A Bruce-Steph story that may require some context, but it's probably the best Bruce and Steph reconciliation we'll ever get. Very interesting insights into how Bruce and Steph see each other, as well as a really iconic slap.

A general rec for Steph is Robin (1993), which is important for her Spoiler and Robin days (I assume this is the run you've tried though). Detective Comics (2016) is not really the best Steph portrayal, but it's far from the worst and has a really nice one panel about Robin!Steph.

I hope this helps!! Steph is an amazing character who deserves a lot more from both fandom and DC, so any interest in her is greatly appreciated :))).

[ender-cloud]

My (personal) thoughts on Jimmy Mouthwashing and how the fandom perceives him: did anyone ask for this, no, but i just wanna talk about him!

Under cut to make things look cleaner

Jimmy is the most hated character in mouthwashing, and for good reason, his actions are morally wrong and what he did to Anya is just absolutely disgusting and horrible. But is Jimmy a bad character? No.

Yes he’s a bad person but thats because he’s well written, and sometimes the fandom seems to skip over all of that. There is a reason why for 80% of the game you play as Jimmy, you are supposed to feel this connection to him, you need to play as him to understand why most of the crew was able to follow him, he’s good at manipulating even the person playing.

Jimmy has so much depth to him, everything we see through his eyes is for a reason, the way we see characters through his perspective is for a reason, and thats what makes him such a great character.

Everyone tries to ignore him most of the time “oh sorry you had to draw Jimbob” or stuff like that and while it’s funny it’s not the only view you should have. Jimmy’s character is not meant to be pushed to the side, if he was you wouldn’t play the game through his eyes.

This man is smart, conniving, manipulative, and jealous of power he’s not able to handle. This is apart of the theme that is taking responsibility but Jimmy is usually mischaracterized as this dumb evil horse lover.

He’s not the only one who seems to mischaracterized, Curly is too. Everyone seems to act like he’s this perfect dude whose great for Anya and would be the hero but he is just as in fault as Jimmy.

Curly was the one who knew Jimmy and always saw the best in him, it is heavily applied that he knew what Jimmy was doing to Anya and did nothing about it when Anya didnt even have to say his name for Curly to know. This is because Curly thought of Jimmy as his friend and his right hand man (which is also kinda mischaracterized)

Curly didn’t just like, hate jimmy all of this time, no they were friends, and Jimmy’s betrayal hit him. Curly also had troubles with taking responsibility, he didn’t take responsibility for how he did almost nothing to stop Jimmy and also he couldn’t take responsibility for being the captain and keeping everyone safe.

You play as both perspectives so you see how similar the two are in some ways and how different they are in others. It’s not a question of if Curly’s better for Anya because thats not the point, the point is to show that they both are at fault and both cant take responsibility which isnt shown that often.

Anya doesn’t need Curly, she needs time to heal, she needs to go to therapy and take care of herself, not date someone who was friends with her abuser. She needs time before she should be in a relationship with anyone because what happened to her is a traumatic experience that no one should go through.

Also Daisuke and his thoughts on Jimmy as well seem to be twisted. Daisuke trusted Jimmy, theres a reason why Jimmy was able to convince him to climb into the vent, its because Daisuke felt almost kinda safe, like he could trust him.

This is because Jimmy is a good manipulator, however a character acts around Jimmy is because Jimmy has shaped them to feel that way, Daisuke wouldn’t have just climbed in there if he didn’t think that Jimmy wouldn’t mean for him to get hurt, even though we might see that he did we have to put our perspective with Daisuke.

Personally I hate Jimmys actions and who he is as a person but I love his character, i like how it’s portrayed in such a new and unique way. Every character in mouthwashing is (I didnt talk about Swansea because I couldn’t think of anything at the moment😔)

I feel as though while no one should forgive Jimmys actions, they should see that he’s a good character and very very well written and is not meant to just be pushed into the background. His toxic masculinity, his manipulative mind, his incapability to take responsibility even in the end when he put Curly in the pod instead of himself, its all written for a reason.

I uh, hope you enjoyed this ramble, it’s something I’m very passionate about because i really really like character analysis and character writing and Jimmy’s character is one of my favorites to just try and figure out the inter workings of.

Without Jimmy, Mouthwashing wouldn’t be the game it is

[gingernut1314]

Like Seahorses Do ch. 9

Summary: Silco comes up with a plan to bring Viktor's father back home. A plan that goes wrong.

Content: female reader, gendered terms, pre-season 1 arcane, young Vander, young Silco, young Sevika, young reader, young Felicia, young Connol, baby Vi, Nadia & Nikolai are Viktor's parents, canon typical violence (lots of fighting in this one), guns/blood, more feelings confessing, reader has water manipulation, smoking, slight Arcane season 2/League of Legends spoiler (Janna, Felicia & Connol)

Word Count: 8.9K

Tag List: @miffysoo , @teriyakiitae , @locinne , @equaniimouxx , @cipher-nine

@shi-toshi , @sebastianlover

A/N: ....heyyy....so....it's been a mintue...sorry...life is been a bit crazy and the fandom hopping, I can't help it 😭 buutt have an extra long chapter as my apology!! I hope you all enjoy!

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Act 3

“We’ve gone on more dangerous jobs Topside than finding and bringing back poor Nikolai.” Silco huffed from where he stood before the bar at The Last Drop the next night. Connol and Felicia stood on his left side, while you and Sevika stood on the other, all huddled up tight as you tried to come up with a plan to get Nikolai back to the Lanes without paying that damn toll. “We’d be in and out before the sun even rose.” 

“I know we’ve been on more dangerous jobs. I know it’d be quick. But that’s it--we. Not you two alone.” Vander huffed right back at him as he mixed up a drink. Benzo, who was also working behind the bar, reached across Vander to grab a whiskey bottle. 

“I don’t know, Vander. Maybe it’s for the best they go it alone.” Benzo started as he reached with his other hand for three shot glasses. “Better only two get sent to Stillwater than all of us.” Benzo teased, making Silco frown deeply his way.

“How ‘bout you shut your gob and pass me one of those.” You insisted, stretching passed Silco to lean on the bar top, holding a hand of wiggling fingers out for Benzo to do as you said. But Benzo did the exact opposite of handing you a shot and began to laugh his ass off at you.

“Gob? You call that an insult?” You furrowed your brows at him.

“It’s--yes.” You hissed. “Gob like a mouth like--” You glanced towards Felicia for help but she had turned her eyes towards where Vi was rushing about the bar, causing chaos that most didn’t seem to mind. 

Connol was the one who caught your eye, rubbing a hand over his short-cropped hair a few times as he shrugged.

“That's not half bad. You know why, Zozo.” Connol started, a bit of playfulness shining in his eyes you all rarely saw. He was more the stoic type, but Felicia had seemed to soften his rugged edges a bit. 

Benzo made a greatly displeased face at Connol. “Zozo, aw gods that horr--” 

“Cause in the mining world a gob is where we put all the extra waste.” Connol chuckled an airy thing. You cracked a wicked grin, a high laugh on your lips.

“Agreed. Stop spewing such utter waste about the plan and focus.” Silco coldly shot Benzo’s way, the man seeming to have traded his smile for Silco’s frown. 

“Zozo, don’t let them get to you.” Felicia butted in, taking her eyes off Vi for a moment to throw Benzo a kind smile. 

“Gods, Zozo again!” Benzo groaned, passing the shots to the three awaiting customers. Felicia shook her head with a smirk as she looked back towards the rest of you all. 

“No one’s getting thrown into Stillwater though. I think--” The sound of shattering glass, a sharp hey!, and a very angry toddler’s babish, yet strangely mean words cut Felicia off. “Oh! Ah! Sorry! Vi. No, no!” She rushed off towards her now screeching three-year-old, Connol watching the whole scene in amusement. 

“Can we focus?” Sevika hissed, blowing a stream of smoke from her lungs. “I’ll go with them. How about that?” She huffed Vander’s way, who was still looking all too concerned about this small little trip. 

“I guess--”

“No,” Silco cut his brother off, making a spark of that wolfish anger flash through Vander’s eyes. “Sevika is to go speak with her father. Gather him and his men to our cause. We need the muscle.” 

“No fucking way I’m going to speak with that old bastard.” Sevika slammed her fist on the bar top beside where you had been leaning your hands. She bent down to all but grit her teeth in your face. “Just cause you two are back to being joined at the lips doesn’t mean you can go around tellin’ him my personal shit.” She hissed in your face, the remaining smoke from her lungs blowing into your face.

“I told him when you told me years ago. I didn’t know what a secret was then, Vika.” You bit back.

“And that’s supposed to make it any better?” She pulled away with a shake of her head. “Good fucking grief, guppy.” 

“Wait--lips?” Felicia popcorned back in, a fighting and red-faced Vi in her arms. “You two kissed? Again? No fight after? When?” She demanded, passing Vi off to Connol who got a cubby little fist to the jaw.

You thought back to how he’d kissed you last night. How he’d held your jaw so gently. How his lips had fit so perfectly against yours. Too perfectly. How he’d kissed you before saying goodnight and how he’d kissed you after he’d come back from work this morning. How he’d taken your hand and pulled you around the corner to kiss you before you two had joined the group in here.

“Uh--” You stammered, brain buzzing in the memory of them all. “We--the plan. We need to refocus on the plan.” You managed, glancing up at Silco to find that a dusting of pink had spread over his cheeks. Seafoam eyes looked over your face. Eyes that lingered ever so slightly on your lips.

Gods. You almost grabbed him then to give him an even closer view.

“I agr--” Silco could hardly finish his word before Sevika was speaking again.

“Just last night. Heard her telling Nadia all the hot and heavy details.” Sevika smirked making your heart spike sharply in your chest in slight panic. Felicia gave a delighted gasp, eyes glancing between the two of you.

“Tell me, tell me please.” She reached across the way to grab your hand and give it a little tug. 

“Sevika is overexaggerating it.” You grit, shooing Felicia’s hand away. “It wasn’t--well it was hot but I wouldn’t say it was heavy,” Felicia giggled and you couldn’t help but let your fluttering stomach pull one from you too. Silco said your name exasperated. “Oh--sorry.” You gave Silco a little apologetic shrug. “I still don’t think I’m very good at keeping secrets.” 

“It’s not a secret.” Silco huffed, wrapping his arm around your shoulders so that he could pull your back flush against his chest. You wrapped your hand around his wrist as your stomach gave a giddy little flutter. 

Not a secret. 

It was a sentiment that made you feel all warm inside.

“But what we do is none of you nitwits concern.” Silco hissed it around the small huddle of your friends, who all wore various different looks of amusement. “Besides, it’s only been a day.” 

“How long have you two known each other?” Sevika sounded like she’d grown bored of this conversion, but one look at her face showed the mischief still raging in her eyes. 

“Ten years.” You and Silco both responded without so much as a moment of hesitation. It only made Felicia’s smile wider. 

“Ten years of friendship and annoyingly pining over each other. I’d say it’s reason enough to fuck.” Sevika very bluntly said. A bluntness that had your face feeling like you’d shove it into a pot of boiling water and Silco’s grip around you tightened the slightest bit.

“You’re godsdamn lucky Nadia isn’t here to scold you.” You hissed, giving her a shove that didn’t even move a single hair on her head. 

“It’s good to go slow.” Felicia chimed in, dodging another flying fist from her kid. “Otherwise you might end up with a perfect little boxer.” She grabbed Vi’s chubby cheeks and littered it with kisses. Vi complained but held still to receive the affection. 

Your heart hallowed out enough it loosened your hold on that nagging voice in the back of your mind.

You had slept with people you had had zero feelings for outside of an appreciation of their looks. You knew Silco had too so you couldn’t help but think should you have? 

There was no question in your mind about whether or not you wanted to. You did. Oh gods you did but a relationship like this with your good friend and someone you’d liked for such a long time was different. You didn’t know a single thing about being in a serious relationship.

Was this serious?

Was this--

“Again,” Silco began, his thumb rubbing over your exposed collarbone in a way that had you forgetting about that nagging little voice. “It is none of your concern.” He leveled Sevika with a threat-filled glare she gruffed at but lowered her gaze to. 

“Well--all I’ll say is it's about damn time.” Benzo chimed in, a friendly smile on his face. “Better than you two squabbling all the time.” He slid a shot down the way for you, just as you had asked moments ago. 

“Now,” Vander spoke once more, a happy little smile on his lips and a gleeful sparkle in his eyes that had quelled the wolf altogether. “Silco, rework the plan. You two won’t go alone but we do need to get Nikolai.” Silco huffed at this. 

“If we send Sevika, Connol, and Benzo to meet with Sevkia’s father--” Sevika cut Silco off with a growl.

“I said I’m not gonna mee--”

“I don’t wish to make ya go meet with him, Sevika, but we need all the support we can get.” Vander started, beginning to make a fresh drink. “The situation at the border is only going to get worse. We all know that. Would you like me to go instead?” Sevika watched him for a long moment, gray eyes hard and top lip twitching in her anger. 

“No. He won’t speak with you.” She took a long, deep drag of her blunt. “Fuck it. Whatever. Next part of the plan.” 

“We three can go find Nikolai.” Silco gestured to Vander, you, and himself. “Nadia said their friend's home is one street up from the northernmost bridge. We’ll have to cross the river and hope Nikolai stays put.” 

“And how are we gonna get ‘cross the river?” Vander asked, placing a little flower on the top of the drink he had just made before passing it to a girl down the way. He came back over, a few coins in hand. 

Silco looked to you and you to him. 

You were the plan to get across the river. You were going to use your magic to create a small bubble of air for Silco so that you could swim him across under the water. That way no one would see you.

But now, with the added mix of Vander who knew nothing of your powers, would complicate things. You hadn’t really ever planned on telling him of them. Telling any of your friends about them. Magic wasn’t something people tended to think fondly of. 

“We’ll swim across of course.” Vander raised a brow at Silco’s almost too-cocky words. 

“You can’t swim.” Silco shrugged. 

“She’s been teaching me.” Vander continued to watch you both with an “I’m not believing this for two seconds” look. “It’ll be fine. Just go with it.” 

“What about me?” Felicia asked. “I want to be involved too. I can still kick ass with a baby strapped to my chest. She’ll help too.” Silco looked to Vander who both then looked to Felicia. 

“Well, the plan was you would go stay with Nadia.” This only earned Silco a sharp glare. 

“So I’m stuck on babysitting duty?” Felicia snapped. 

“It is your ankle bitter.” This only earned you an equally as sharp glare. 

“It’s not just my ankle bitter.” Felicia shoved her pink-painted pointer finger into Connol’s shoulder, pulling a small ow from his lips. “Why don’t you stay on babysitting duty, huh?” 

“Babe, I would much rather watch Vi then go meet with Sevika’s papa.” Connol readjusted his grip on his kid, who was now trying to throw herself backward out of his arms. 

“Alright then. Change the plan.” Felicia gestured to Silco to do so.

“This is the last time I am involving you all in the creation of any plan. I am the plan maker. I make the plans.” Silco gruffed her way, but Felicia only threw him a wink. “Fine. Connol will stay with Nadia and Vi and Felicia will go with Sevika and Benzo. There. Do we all agree on the plan?” Everyone in the group gave a round of nods and sounds of agreement. 

“I still would like to know how we’re going to get ‘cross the river,” Vander said. You grabbed for the shot Benzo had given you and held it up his way.

“You’ll like it. It’ll be fun.” And you downed the burning liquid in one go.

“All this talk of crossing rivers reminds me of this old song my mom used to sing to me before bed…oh how did it go.” Felicia mused, looking over her daughter's face in thought. A soft, not very in-tune hum sounded from Connol, pulling Felicia’s eyes to him. 

“That one?” Felicia beamed up at him with a nod. “Popular amongst our parents huh?” 

“What else is there to do besides get crafty when Topside locks you completely out?” Felicia muttered, eyes squinting a bit in further thought before her whole face lit up once more on a small gasp. “Oh! Got it!” And she began singing the lyrics to the tune Connol had started. Her voice was beautiful and instantly caught the attention of Vi, who was rightfully transfixed with it. 

A deep, buried part of you knew you’d heard it before. A deep part of you that didn’t even feel like it was supposed to be you, but it was there nonetheless. It remembered you of that tugging, calling you’d followed to save all those kids years ago. 

It was something that scared you. That made you feel--other. Other than human. Other than a living breathing being and more like a cold, watery thing that was called around by the arcane.

You instantly snuggled deeper into Silco’s chest, needing to be reminded that you were in fact, standing there with him. To feel him hold your physical body that was breathing. That was living. 

Silco was glad to hold you closer. Glad to move his hand around to find yours, intertwining his long fingers with yours. 

“Lullabies get you nowhere.” Sevika hissed, stubbing out the small bit of her blunt left in the ashtray before her. “Our parents were cowards.” 

“Good thing we aren’t.” Silco gave your hand a squeeze. 

Your grip on Silco’s hand tightened as you yanked him sharply behind a few stacked crates on the Undercity’s side of the river. It seemed that blocking the bridges off hadn’t been enough, they had needed to send enforcers patrolling the wharf as large spotlights illuminated the surrounding areas in search of any that might be trying to cross.

You two had expected there might be a stray enforcer or two. That you would have to work fast as soon as Vander joined you to get across in case someone spotted you. 

But this many enforcers--it was as if you had kicked a bee hive and sent all their drones on high alert. 

You hadn’t expected this and Silco definitely hadn’t, otherwise it would have been put into his plan. A plan that was currently going way off course. So off course it had made Silco’s caltualting brain freeze, nearly getting him spotted by one of those enforcers had you not dragged him back here. 

You’d known Silco to freeze up like this before. Mainly during jobs you two and Vander did Topside that didn’t go as planned. 

He froze when he was scared too. Vander had told you of his worry about it a while ago. How it’d almost gotten him killed down in the mines during cave-ins. 

You thought it was cute. Gave you something you could do for him. Had let you get close to him before you two caved to your feelings.

“Gods--” Silco gave a frustrated little sound as you slowly peeked around the crates, finding a group of three enforcers had stopped just a little ways away from you. “I--sorry.” You waved the apology off as one of the enforcers started complaining about how she was going to miss the game tonight cause she was stationed here.

“Ugh--I’ll never get over how fucking dull Pilties are.” You murmured, pulling back to a crouch before Silco, who you’d all but thrown against the crates, long legs sprawled to the sides and hair scrunched against the salt-stained wood. “It’s like they’re programmed to all think and talk about the same shit. Oh yes, let's go toss that egg-shaped ball and give each other concussions. Or, or! The spouse is nagged at me to lose some weight again. And blah, blah, blah.” You gave a goofy smile Silco’s way, to which he only continued to stare up at you nearly dumbfounded. 

“I--you know I almost just got us caught right?” Silco pulled himself up a bit from his thrown position. “I froze.” You shrugged.

“And? It would have been fun, huh?” You shuffled closer so that you could lean closer to him. “High stakes. Fast chase. We would have beat them obviously.” The corner of Silco’s lips pulled upward. A small tug that pulled into that easy smile you liked to see him look at you with.

He dug his hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and as he pulled it out, the smallest flash of gold caught your eye. 

You thought for a moment he had pulled the flask you had given him out, but what he held was too small and easily concealed within his palm. 

“What do you have?” You asked, shuffling ever closer. “Something shiny.” Silco gave a small exhale of amused air.

“How did you even see that?” You shrugged.

“I like gold. I like shiny. I like shiny gold. I’ve trained my eyes to spot it.” Silco gave another small chuckle.

“You remember the second time you, me, and Vander snuck our way Topside? Back when we were kids?” You nodded, eyeing up his fist to try and spy what he held within it one last time. 

“You convinced Vander that going to the beach was a risk worth taking after the job we pulled.” You mused and you thought of those beaches. How clean they had been. How the waters, even though they were connected to the same grand sea, had sported not a single speck of trash. How the sands had been yellow-white and full of the most gorgeous shells you had ever seen. 

It was found memory for you, being able to see such beautiful waters, but a memory tinted in bitterness towards the people who wished to rule over you all completely. 

Your beaches and waters were nothing like theirs, even when they were so close. Even when they were made from the same lands and waters. Yet yours were full of toxins so potent it left stains on a person if left in them too long. That corrupted one's body--ate away at it. Toxins so strong they had left the sandy beaches a pitch black. 

You loved your waters, but seeing how--natural everything was Topside had left a sour taste in your mouth.

“And you remember that small sand dollar you found and I foolishly broke?” The anger at Piltover simmered in the background of your mind as Silco continued to recount the trip. “Instead of getting upset, you gave me a half. Said it would be a physical showing of our friendship.” 

“I do remember.” You nodded, though your heart sank a small bit. “I--Silco, I lost my half.”

“No, you didn’t.” You blinked at him. Then again. 

“How would you--”

“I might have snuck into your apartment…took it off your bedside table.” You gapped at him. 

“How--Sevkia would have killed you if she had seen you break in.” Silco tossed you a cocky little smirk. 

“You two don’t get off work till seven. I get off at five. I had time. And you really should change the hiding place for your spare key. Very obvious.” You rolled your eyes and gave his shoulder a small shove. 

“You gonna give me my half back?” You held your hand out, palm side up as you gave your fingers a little wiggle. 

Silco opened his hand to reveal what he had been hiding from you. It was the two halves of sand dollar, but small, delicate holes had been made to the tops to fit a gold bail in each. Brown leather had been threaded through that to create a pair of matching necklaces. And to top it all off, small, golden charms had been added as well. Two seahorses. 

“Nikolai put them together for me. Made the charms.” You ran your fingertip gently over the half you knew to be yours. 

“And did Nadia know?” You found Silco’s eyes again, but he shook his head.

“Nearly killed the man trying to keep it a secret from his wife…but we all know Nadia is worse at keeping secrets than even you.” He teased. 

“I only don’t keep them from you. Never felt right.” Silco’s seafoam eyes filled in that warm softness he only ever showed you. 

“I wanted to give this to you earlier in apology for my behavior but…I was--nervous.” You nodded in agreement knowing you had felt those very same overwhelming nerves too. You ran your fingers from the rough sea dollars to feel over the heel of his palm. “I am glad you broke our silence. It was eating me alive.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t break it sooner. I was nervous too.” Silco gave you a smile that was just as warm as his eyes were. A smile, though not toothy as others might give, was the most breathtaking smile you had ever seen. Would ever see.

“I was thinking you’d wear my half and I’d wear yours.” He started, grabbing up the half that was his. A half that was a bit more jagged and held a long, oval hole in its side. “In way of showing our friendship, yes, but also in promise we’ll be there for each other. You once told me seahorses mate for life…” You nodded as he reached to clasp the necklace around your neck. “Well…I wish that for us. For us to be together. Side by side. For as long as you’ll have me.” 

His words hit you like a brick. Words that filled your chest in such excitement and warmth you didn’t know what to do with it all. A happiness that made your cheeks sting from the wide smile your lips refused to let go of. 

“I’ll have you.” You took your side of the necklace from Silco’s palm, seafoam eyes tracking your every move as you clasped it around his own neck. “I’ll have you for a long, long time. Till we’re old and wrinkled and can’t make it down the stairs.” You pulled a small chuckle from Silco as you let your fingers trace the skin of his collarbone, right where the sand dollar lay. 

“I was miserable when we fought.” You continued, “All I wanted to do was talk with you. Be with you. I don’t see that changing any time soon. You make me happy. I want to be by your side for a long, long time. I hope we can hold on to each other like seahorses do against rough currents.” 

Silco’s fingers brushed over your cheek, holding it so tenderly in his palm as he looked at you like you were some rare gem hidden amongst dull rock and coal. 

“I’ll hold on. Face whatever is to come as long as I have you by my side.” You nodded in utter agreement as he pulled you ever closer. 

“Head on, right?” The pointed tip of Silco’s nose fluttered over yours, an amused huff of air puffing against your skin.

“Yes, head on. Together.” Slightly caped lips pressed sweetly against yours. Lips that moved against yours, turning your mind to pleasant mush in your skull. Lips that swept the whole world away like some storming sea. Lips you thought about so much, it might have become an addiction.

“Boy, am I glad you two are finally together.” You and Silco jumped at the deep voice that sounded hushly in your ears. 

Teeth clanked and noses squished together in both your startled natures, faces whipping around to find the larger form of your friend kneeling there beside you two.

“What in--how long have you been there?” Silco venomously hissed at Vander who kept on watching you with an all-too-happy grin on his lips.

“Just got here.” He sounded not at all bothered by the bite in Silco’s tone. Though you knew Vander was more than used to the sharp way his brother spoke. “Ya know, from the moment Silco rushed to save you from those carp-brained idiots from the docks, I knew he was smitten with you. Could tell you’d been smitten with him long before that.” You couldn’t help the giddy little laugh that spilled from your lips.

“I mean--how couldn’t I have been?” You grabbed Silco’s nose gently between your index and middle finger, giving it a small shake. “Look at him. I was a goner as soon as I laid eyes on him.” Silco huffed grumpily, shooing your hand away as that dusting of pink you loved made another appearance. A dusting that turned into a splash of red when Vander gave a little too loud a laugh for your surroundings. 

You three tensed at the sound of voicing of too-close enforcers. Before any officers could come to snoop around the crates you were heading behind, you three slipped through the long shadows the spotlights cast around and found cover behind a dumpster in a smelly alleyway. 

“Place is with swarming with bucket heads, huh?” Vander voiced as Silco peeked his head around a bag of trash. 

“They’re taking what happened at the bridge more seriously than I originally thought they would,” Silco mumbled, tracking a pair of enforcers that walked past the alley. 

“Who knows what they told their fancy pants council.” You hissed, “Probably tried to cover their asses. Tell them we took the first shot.” 

“Once Nikolai is outta there and safely back down here, then we’ll push them back Topside,” Vander said. That’s when you noticed what he’d been carrying around with him. What he had taken so long to get before meeting you two here. 

His pair of mining gauntlets. 

He was ready to fight. Oh he was more than ready. The wolf had overtaken his gentle eyes. Eye now fully committed and bloodthirsty to the revolution you all had been dreaming about. 

“How are we gettin’ across, sweetheart?” You glanced back to Silco who was already looking back to you. He gave you a small, steadfast nod in reassurance. 

“Okay--promise not to freak out?” You started as you began unscrewing the top of the canteen of water you kept attached to your belt. Vander’s brows furrowed in confusion at your words. 

“Freak out? What would I freak out about?” You sighed dramatically. 

“Just promise.” You insisted, a flicker of amusement pulling at Vander’s features. 

“Okay, okay. I promise.” You watched him for a second longer before grabbing for the water within the canteen with your magic. You pulled a flowing line of water from its metal confines, letting it twirl and twist around in the space between you and Vander. 

And Vander looked--pale. Like he was gonna freak out. 

“Oh--shit.” He muttered. 

“You promised not to freak out.” Your heart hallowed out as he continued to look so utterly shell-shocked. You unconsciously pulled your waters closer, allowing them to snake around your fingers. 

“I’m not.” 

“Are too.” You quickly shot back. 

“Did--Silco knew?” Vander asked, looking towards his brother who had pressed his shoulder against yours.

“Of course I knew.” Silco sounded almost proud of this fact. That he had been the only one to know for so long. 

“He stumbled upon me throwing those carp-brain idiots into the harbor with it. I probably wouldn’t have told him if he hadn’t seen me do it. People and the arcane don’t like to mix.” Vander continued to watch you. Watch the waters you were nervously pressing into a ball between your hands. “Are you--scared? Do you--I wish you would say something.”

“Sorry--I--sorry. It’s just--no. No, I’m not scared.” Vander started, though it did nothing to help ease your fears. “I’m shocked is all. This is--you don’t see this every day.” You nodded in understanding. 

Something like two pieces of a puzzle seemed to click together in his mind. “You--when that pipe burst in the Drop but the water somehow found a way to stay in a nice pool instead of flooding the whole place. That was you?” 

“Yep.” Vander’s face finally broke from that stillness and a cheery smile pulled to his lips. 

“Damn, sweetheart. You saved our asses that night. Wish I could have thanked you.” You shrugged.

“Just wanted to get back to sleep.” Vander gave a chuckle.

“Did you also explode that drink in Benzo’s hand when he wouldn’t lay off the shit?” You gave a mischievous little smirk. 

“Guilty.” Vander shook his head, recognition catching on to another memory.

“You did the same thing to Felicia too, huh? When she--” You quickly shot the water in your command at Vander’s face, keeping him from going on about that night. 

Only the second night Felicia had hung around your group. Another night she and Slico couldn’t seem to stop their endless flirting together. You didn’t think the sip or two left in her cup would ruin anyone’s night completely if it was shot all over her face. 

“Alrighty. We’ve wasted enough time going on and on about memories.” Vander pulled a hand from one of his gauntlets to wipe the water you splashed in his face off. He gave you an all too cheeky look, telling you he knew exactly why you wanted to keep him quiet about it around Silco. 

“Alright, alright. Lay it on me.” He chuckled. 

You and Silco laid the plan out for him carefully before you three were starting for the river once more. 

“And they were roommates.”

“Gods--they were roommates?” A pair of enforcers gossiped from where they stood by a street lamp, guns lowered as they gossiped about whatever Piltie drama they had going on. 

Just as a beam of light from one of the spotlights up on the bridge moved past them, you collected another ball of water from your canteen and sent it hurtling towards some fish crates further away. The wood crashed to the ground, sending the enforcers rushing off to investigate. 

You three were quick to rush for the waters, you sprinting ahead so you would be in the water to catch your friends when they jumped in themselves. 

When your feet hit the edge of the wharf, you pushed your body out and downward in a nice, streamline dive. Air rushed around your skin before being replaced with cold water that flowed around you as you curved your body around and back upward. 

Just as you broke the surface, you heard a shout. A shout that did not belong to either Silco or Vander and definitely belonged to an enforcer. One that had spotted the two men just as they were jumping off the edge. 

One enforcer turned into two that turned into a whole horde rushing about on land, calling at you three. Commanding you to stop. To come back inland. 

Vander was the first to hit the water, his large form and gauntlets making a huge splash that sprayed back up at the enforcers who’d just made it to the edge. 

Silco hit the water, seafoam eyes catching yours and showing you the trust he held in you just before he vanished beneath the surface. 

The sound of guns being cocked and warnings to come back before they would fire rang through your ears. 

A spotlight found you and the sinking boys as guns rose a bit higher. 

You summoned your magic to dance through your veins and over your fingertips. Felt the waters around you flow faster and faster as you smiled wickedly up at the enfocers watching you. 

Water rose on your command, roaring around you as it grew and grew into a wave much larger than any river could have created on its own. Just as you sent it hurtling toward the now screaming and terrified enforcers, you dove into the depths of after your friends. 

You found Vander had grabbed hold of Silco, both trying to swim back to the surface but failing horribly. Even though you had taught Vander to swim, he still wasn’t strong enough to carry a whole other person and support himself in the water.

You sent your magic to flow around them both, holding them in a gentle cradle before beginning to quickly pull them further down and across the river. 

You shot through the water with ease after them, catching up to Silco first. He grabbed hold of your wrist as you created a small air bubble around his head. A bubble that funneled thinly upwards to provide fresh air for him to breathe the whole way. 

Silco gave a deep inhale of air, eyes wide and scanning over your face as he pulled you closer. You allowed it, quickly dipping your face into his bubble to rest your forehead against his. 

“Okay?” You asked as Silco nodded against your skin.

“Yes.” You titled your face so that you could place a small kiss to the tip of his nose.

You pulled away from him then, gliding the sort distance to Vander who was looking a little more panicked than Silco had been. You made quick work of creating his air bubble, Vander giving a sharp curse as he gulped down air. With a sheepish little sorry face and a pair of thumbs up, you swam away, body moving through the water like a human-shaped dolphin. 

Your magic kept Silco and Vander close by as you swam them across the river. Fish drew to you like you were a magnate, which was a typical occurrence when you were within or sailing on a larger body of water like this. They came and tickled at your cheeks as they brushed against you in their way of a hug. 

“Are you a mermaid?” Vander asked from just a little bit behind you. You found him watching you in stunned curiosity, while Silco was watching you in that warmly soft way he often did. A way that made your stomach flutter like a group of minnows had swum within its lining. You created a small air bubble for yourself so that you could respond.

“Ha. No. I wish. I’d get a kick-ass tail if I was.” You grazed your fingers over a gray-scaled fish, it moving closer as if it was some waterbond cat. 

“Then--what are you?” He asked as a look filled his eyes. A looked those kids you had saved years ago had given you too. A look filled with awe. In wonder. In a yearning for something beyond comprehension. 

It was a look that made you feel not human. 

You instantly regretted showing him your magic. Instantly wished to dive deeper into the depth just to get away from that look.

“She’s human, Vander. A born mage.” Silco spoke, coming to your defense and taking that look from Vander’s eyes. 

“Oh--yeah. Of course. Just curious.” You gave him a small smile in understanding. One that turned into that of utter gratefulness as you looked back to Silco. He smiled gently for you, fingers moving within the small current your magic was creating as if he might reach for you. You almost reached for him too, but you kept swimming onward.

The other side of the river came upon you in the passing of a few more minutes. You surfaced, leaving the boys below in case of an ambush. 

It was quiet Topside. Not a single enforcer marching up and down the wharf. No spotlights or gates. The bridge seemed to have been unattended this side of the river. All you found was a sleepy stretch of cobblestone and buildings far nicer than anything the fissures had to offer. 

It made you worry. 

You had made a show of using your power against those enforcers. A mistake in using them so blatantly, but you knew if you hadn’t, those guns would have been fired and they would have hit you or worse--your friends. 

The enforcers should have been on high alert over here in anticipation of your arrival…

Maybe they just believed you drowned in that wave. Maybe they thought it had been a natural occurrence and you’d been swept away in it. That the boys had sunk to the bottom of the river never to see the sky again.

You glanced over your shoulder back towards your stretch of home. 

Spotlights still roamed the land and waters. You could just vaguely make out enforcers rushing about over there, still in a panic over you three slipping past. 

Maybe they just haven’t had time to get over here yet and in that case, you all needed to move fast. 

You pulled the boys to the surface, keeping them cradled in your waters until you had placed their feet on the ground Topside. Using your magic to push you onto land, you were quick to grab for Silco’s hand. He grabbed it back just as you were opening your mouth to tell them of your thoughts when light blinded you. 

The sound of armor clanking and voices shouting filled your ears and you knew instantly you had led your friends into an ambush. You knew just how foolish you had been in thinking they wouldn’t have alerted their people over here. 

“Put your weapons down and your hands in the air. Slowly.” Your eyes adjusted to the light to find you had been surrounded by enforcers, guns aimed straight at you all. 

Silco’s hand was tight in yours. A tightness that became slightly tugging, like we was trying to slowly bring you behind him.

Vander’s gray eyes found yours. Then they found Silcos.

Hard eyes. Determined eyes. Eyes that seemed to be begging for a fight.

“I said--” A blur shot at the head enforcer. Metal slammed into his face so hard, you saw teeth and blood fly. 

Vander had been that blur. Those gauntlets of his looking more wicked than any knife or gun the way he was attacking. Attacking any and all enforcers that he laid eyes on.

A gun booming to life and the heated air of a buttle narrowly missing your face spurred you into action. Silco let go of your hand just as you let go of his, the both of you grabbing for the knives strapped to your sides and hurling yourself into the fray.

Your body twisted and weaved and sliced through an enforcer. 

Then another and another and--

A gun was slammed sideways into your face, pain screaming through your nose as it gave a sickening crunch. Pain that you snarled and bit back against before you were cutting down that enforcer. 

Your fist slammed into another oncoming enforcer's jaw just as a body slammed into yours. 

Skin broke upon impact with the cobblestone. A fist pounded into your temple, momentarily turning your vision blurry as you roared and reached blinding for the body on top of yours. You grabbed a fist full of hair and pulled with all your strength, causing the enforcer to shout.

Another wild fist hit you in the shoulder as you yanked her downwards, rolling so you could jam a knee into her stomach to keep her pinned down. 

You had just raised your fist to attack when a gun was pressed against your throat, yanking you back and off of the enforcer, the tightness enough to sharply cut your air supply off. 

You gagged and gasped, fingers fumbling to try and alleviate the pressure when your eyes caught sight of Vander. 

An enforcers had jumped onto his back. Then another. And another and another until Vander was brought to his knees under the weight of them all. A new wave of enforcers appeared to point their guns at him, shouting commands and threats his way. 

You found Silco a little ways away, sprawled on his back, blood trickling from a cut on his forehead as two enforcers pointed their guns directly at his heart. 

Their fingers tightened on their triggers. 

Their eyes--they were getting ready to fire. 

Seafoam's eyes frantically glanced around the wharf. Eyes that found yours. Eyes that were--remorseful. Apologetic and full of the gentle softness he only ever showed you.

And you knew then he knew there was little to no chance of escape from the guns pointed at him. 

You sucked in as much air as you could around the pressure against your throat and gave a ragged scream into the night air. 

You felt the waters in the river roar in answer. Felt the waters between the cobblestone cracks answer. The water in the pipes and fountains answers. Felt them begin to swirl and rise and rage. 

Your blood boiled. 

Your vision blurred. 

Your ears filled with ringing so loud it drowned out your friends and the enforcers before you. 

Seaform eyes smiled.

Silence washed through your ears--through your being. 

Ba-dum…ba-dum…ba-dum…

A heartbeat rang through your mind. A fastened one. One that was beating heavily against the activity it was doing.

It was a sound your magic cocked its head at in curiosity. A sound that faded out into soft roaring…like a flowing river. 

Water.

It was water you were hearing. Water that called to you to take and command. Water you did just that too. 

The enforcer behind you gave a pained sound. A sound that spurred you to push those strange waters harder. To make them rise and rise until the enforcer was dropping their gun to the ground. 

You found them on the ground, clawing at their throat as they gasped for air. Found their eyes watering and pooling over. Waters that bubbled from their nose and ears and mouth. Waters that ran red.

And you pushed it higher until they slumped over, the light having left their eyes. 

“What the fuck!” An enforcer nearby shouted. “Holy shit! By the gods! You--You’re a frea--” You grabbed hold of the strange waters flowing within his veins. Watched him panic at the relation that he was next. Watched him run and scream in pain and trip over his own feet.

You watched as those waters poured out of him in the same manner as his comrade.

You watched him drown on dry land. 

And you should have found it sickening. The hollowness gnawing at your senses should have told you that. The warning bells that rang through your mind. 

These were not your waters to command.

These waters belonged to those enforcers and those enforcers alone. Just as Nadia’s blood you had struggled to control had been hers.

It was something you were never supposed to have power over. 

It wasn’t a part of you. 

Not like how the waters in the river were a part of you. In the streams and pipes. 

It wasn’t you.

That chilling hollowness pushed your body forward. Had your powers latching onto the two enforcers who had been a hairs width away from ending Silco’s life. You commanded these dark waters once more with little care about whether they were yours or not. Not when these people were trying to kill your family. 

You raised your other hand towards the enforcers holding Vander down as the two began to drown before Silco’s eyes. You commanded their waters and watched them claw and cry and scramble before they joined their comrades. 

Vander was quick to his feet, eyes wide as he gazed upon you. 

Fear. 

That hollowness hardly let you register it though. Not when your magic felt more enforcers rushing your way. Enforcers you stopped in their tracks with a daggered glare their way. 

You felt--powerful. 

More powerful than you’d ever felt.

It felt sinnful but gods it was near addicting. An addiction you wanted to cave into as you set your sights onto the bridge just a few feet away. 

You felt as if you could go up there and end it all. 

Felt as if you were strong enough to march through the streets of Piltover, find their foolish councilmen and just end their terrible reign.

That hallowness laughed in agreement with you. It egged you on. Told you to take that first step. Had your feet moving towards the bridge. Moving past Silco who was still sat, watching you slinetly. 

He called your name quietly as the winds blew through the streets. 

He called your name as the winds rushed around you.

He called your name and The Winds called it too. 

“Stop.” The Winds commanded. 

Your feet kept moving. Your veins boiled and pounded screaming out for more, more, more.

The Winds whipped around you like a tempest. 

Your vision blurred and black dots danced in their corners. 

When had it gotten so hard to breathe? You wondered and yet that dark energy kept pushing and pushing until those dots overtook you.

“You don’t know what you’ve meddled in, little one.” 

Your eyes flew wide at the voice. One you hadn’t heard for years. One you thought abandoned you and everyone in the Lanes.

You stood and you felt your throat tightened. 

You were no longer on the wharf. 

You were no longer in reality. 

Endless sky. 

Endless night. 

Stars twinkled and galaxies bloomed silently before, upbove, and below you. 

And you--you weren’t you--

Your waters whirled over your skin. Was your skin--your body. 

A strangled sound pulled from whatever strange mouth you possessed in the horror of it all. 

You were--you must be dead. That was the only explanation for this all. 

“You have not died.” That voice spoke again. You snapped around to find your guardian and--terror gripped your soul. 

A begin made of gold and white and wind floated before you. One with wings sprouting from its arms and hips. One with bird's feet and clawed hands. One whose face was smooth gold with a halo of that same gold circling over its head to match. 

“You’re--you’re an angel.” You croaked out in horror. The angel shook its featureless head, gliding closer to you.

“I am Janna. As you know…though--also as you don’t.” Her wings gave a ruffle as if saying you’d never seen her this way. 

“Janna--no--I--where are we?” You were beginning to panic. To freak out. 

“Do not be afraid.” She tried to soothe. 

“Fuck--FUCK! Don’t be afraid? What the hell am I supposed to feel?” The being--Janna--gave another ruffle of her wings. 

“Feelings have little to do with this. You have touched powers that do not belong to you.” You’re throat only continued to tighten. It was so tight you thought you might suffocate right then and there. “Those souls were not yours to take.” 

“Souls--you mean those enforcers?” Janna didn’t move. You would have said she was just watching you if she had had any eyes to watch you with. “The ones that had been trying to kill me? Kill Silco and Vander? I was protecting the people I love.” Janna again was silent. Was again unmoving. 

You gave a frustrated growl, whatever fists you had balling. 

You’re fear--oh, it was turning into anger. An anger Janna and Janna alone could only ever bring out in you.

“You know what--screw this. Where the hell have you been? It’s been four years.” Your waters flared around in answer to your rising emotions.

“It’s been…four years?” Janna repeated slowly. “Truly?”

“Fuck!” You hissed. “You are meant to protect us! You. And you can’t even bother to know how long you’ve been gone!” You took a step closer to the floating spirit who looked more like a god in that moment. “Where have you been? Why have you been gone?” 

“I’ve been guiding the heart and mind of an interesting young woman. One whose battle with the Gray aligns with my own. I’ve been overseeing her progress.” You scoffed. Scoffed and couldn’t help the pinch your heart gave. 

Some young woman? Some random girl? Someone who wasn’t you? You were Janna’s ward.

“If you can’t get rid of the Gray, no one can.”

“She will keep it at bay within these…vents as she calls them.” You just watched her in utter--shock. In anger and rage and wrath. Oh you were pissed. 

“Let me out.” Janna’s feathers ruffled. “Let me out of whatever fucked up purgatory you have me in right now,” Janna said your name like a warning. 

“I brought you here because you went beyond your realm’s limits.” 

“I don’t give a shit. Let me out!” Your waters began to swarm around you. Faster and faster they whirl. 

Wind whipped after it. Wind that tried to grab hold of you and keep you in this horrid place. 

“The Arcane is our master. We are not masters of it. You challenge it, it will destroy you.” Janna called around the roar of wind and water. 

Stars began to move. 

Galaxies. 

Everything was swirling wildly around in the tornado the Winds and Waters created. 

“You hurt another creature we are meant to preside over,” Janna continued, “and I will stop you.” 

And there she was. 

The Janna you had known your whole life. The strange, wispy elven being who had raised you. Whose glowing eyes seemed to--no…no you’re mind was play tricks on you but…they looked to be begging you to stop. To forget the dark power you had tipped your toes into. 

It was emotion in her glowing eyes. Emotion she could not and had not ever shown you before. 

“Do not make me go against you.” She all too calmly spoke. 

Light cracked through the starry sky like the shattering of a mirror. Light that spread and spread till it began to engulf you and Janna whole. 

“You will not win.” 

It was dark. Dark and…smelled like a homemade meal. 

The ground beneath you was carpeted. Soft. 

There was something solid next to you. A body. A body that’d slung an arm around your waist to keep you down. You felt your body tense at the realization. That you didn’t know where you were or who was caging you in place. 

You readied yourself for a fight. To get up quickly when a sleep-filled voice you knew in seconds spoke, “You’re awake.” Silco’s voice instantly had you relaxing into his hold. Relaxing and realizing just how much pain you were in. 

The fight on the wharf. You’d been beaten. Bad and your body was definitely feeling it.

“Where are we?” You whispered back. Silco shuffled closer to you, nuzzling his face against your head. 

“We found Nikolai and his friend was kind enough to let us lay low here for the night.” You made a small hum at his words but said nothing further. You couldn’t. Because past the pain roaming through your body, you felt--numb. Strange. Different. 

“Are you in pain?” Silco asked. 

“Yes.” You felt his body ready to get up, but you were quick to grab hold of his arm, keeping him down. “Just--it’s okay…can you just…hold me.” Silco hesitated at your request. “Please?” You breathed. 

Silco gave a small sigh from his nose but settled back against you, his arm now holding you very so gingerly.

You two lay in the dark for a long moment. You listened to his even breaths in your ear. Enjoyed the warmth of it over your skin. Tried to let it take that strange…nothingness ringing in your chest away but…but it was stuck there. Stuck like it was held there with super glue.

Silco whispered your name in question against the shell of your ear. You nodded in answer. 

“Are…are you okay?” 

Janna’s words rang in your mind. Her promises of fighting you and of her sureness in winning. 

You thought of that emotion that had broken over her ever-emotionless face. 

She--she had been scared. Saddened and disappointed all in one.  

And it rattled you more than you had expected. Left you wondering if you should listen. If that taste of power you had felt was worth making her look like that.

If that taste of power was worth this strange numb feeling in your chest. Worth feeling less than human. 

But that power…gods had it felt good. 

Too good. 

“I…don’t know.” You answered honestly, finally moving to turn your face into his chest despite your body barking at you in pain. Silco held you tightly, fingers moving over your back in soothing circles. “Are…” You swallowed sharply against the tightness that seemed to have carried over from that strange world. “Are you scared of me?” The question was hardly even a whisper. A breathy thing. A scared thing. 

You didn’t want him to fear you. Didn’t want him to look at you like those enforcers had. Like Vander had.

“No.” Silco quickly said. So quickly it had almost overpowered your own words. “I would never be scared of you.” 

You laid still in his arms for a long moment. Let his firm, unwavering words settle over you. Let them help carry that numbness away…try to carry it away. “Seahorses… remember.” You nodded once more as he kissed the top of your head.

“Seahorses.”

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