#i tried explaining in VAIN how it wasn’t that bad of a game really…… i fear i only dug my hole deeper with that

[fortuniolo]

i was the one who got yttd banned on my schools chromebooks in 8th grade and i regret the stupidity of my actions everyday

[rpd-rookie]

HOLIDAYS - LEON S. KENNEDY X FEM!READER (PART 2)

Summary: Leon meets Y/N again and let's say she isn't done playing with him. You don't mind company in your hot tub, do you Leon?

Author’s note: Sorry about the long wait. I know it's been a while since I haven't updated this fanfic or posted a RE fan fiction. I was busy with work and writing for other fandoms. Hope you'll forgive me and that you'll like this chapter.

Tags: NSFW / Flirting / Slow Burn / Teasing / Seduction / Roleplay / Hand Jobs / Slight Angst / Explicit Sexual Content

(Part 1)

PART 2: The Game

Men are foolish to believe they have no weakness. All men have weaknesses. And even if Leon wanted desperately alcohol to be his only one, he had to admit there was another. One more pleasant and yet sometimes as hurtful and as destructive. Women. Sultry strong women. Those who steal your heart, toy with it like a cat plays with a mouse, crush it with their sharp stilettos to finally throw it back at you without an ounce of remorse or sympathy.         How many times he had fallen for those women! How many times he had hurt himself! … And asked for more.

There was possibly something rather addictive, something even rather masochist in doing so. And the fact that he was aware of it showed how stupid he truly could be.

It was a lovely night, slightly cold but starry. The fresh marine wind was blowing softly in the trees and the bursting bubbles of the hot tub massaging his tensed muscles were filling Leon’s ears with a peaceful melody he would gladly listen to for hours.         Eyes closed, he could almost imagine what it truly meant to be on holidays, what it truly meant to relax, to forget. Almost.  The truth was he could not escape Raccoon City … as he could not escape Spain, or Tall Oaks or any other place he had been, any other place he had survived, any other place he had lost. They always knew how to creep into his brain, always knew how to tie his stomach in a knot, how to make his heart heavy, sometimes –often- in moments when he was the most eager for peace of mind. They were doing it right now. They had been doing it for quite some time now. Since the bombing in DC or maybe before.

“You almost make brooding look hot, you know?” Leon immediately jumped and turned around, startled by the cheerful voice pulling him out of his dark ominous thoughts. A reflex he had acquired and sharpened over the years fighting deadly BOWs.    But when his blue eyes lay on Y/N (or Y/SN; He didn’t really know how he should call her), he relaxed and allowed his tightened lips to slightly curl into a weak but sincere smile. “Years of practice.”             “Then that explained the wrinkles on your forehead.” She approached him soundlessly, leaving the shadows in which she had been watching him, and squinted at his face, possibly trying to detail all the little aging signs carving his skin. “Is that why you’re wearing a fringe?”      “It’s not a fringe!” He replied rather offended and yet perfectly aware that she was merely teasing him the same way she had teased him in that bar a couple nights ago. But his hair was sacred! And he hated when someone was making fun of it.    Too bad his little attempt at sounding aggressive only made Y/N laugh and want to mock him a little bit more. Just for fun.            “Well, it looks like a fringe… An emo fringe.” Leon frowned and without realising it brushed his hair aside with an annoyed pout the woman found just adorable. “Wow. You’ve got two eyes. Who would have thought?”          “Are you done?” She chuckled, eyes shining with mischief as she sat on the edge of the hot tub, legs crossed so as to deliberately show her bare smooth thighs no longer hidden under the white hotel robe she was wearing.       Leon couldn’t help but gaze for a second or two, suddenly wondering how that beautiful skin would feel against his calloused fingers, around his waist. Probably amazing. Electrifying. Damn she was good! He thought. Pulling him out of his traumatising memories to throw him deep into a well of lust. Not many women could do that. And it was annoying as much as it was endearing.  “Would you like me to keep you company in there?” She offered in a voice that could not disguise the lewd seconds thoughts she had in her mind. But then again, disguising them wasn’t what she wanted. And they were both adult and experienced enough to know that a woman offering to join you in a tub wasn’t doing it to have a chat about the weather. And that was fine. Leon could use some distraction right now.       “Depends. Will you keep taunting me?” He questioned trying to resist her a little bit longer even though, for some weird reasons, watching her fingertips touch the bubbling hot water and softly caress the surface was making him suddenly aching.         It was as if he wanted his skin to be the water, as if all the things she was doing –even the one that should be innocent- were purely sensual … sexual even. Whether it was always fully voluntary of not, Leon wasn’t sure. But damn, she was surely making her way under his skin.   “Well you have to admit my little taunt got your mind of whatever you were thinking about.” She smiled and brought her fingers to wet her neck as she discreetly and proudly peeped at Leon who was observing the droplets running down her skin with dilated pupils. “You’re cleverer than what you let on.” He admitted. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re playing with me or if you’re just flirting.”          “Why not both?” Her fingers fell to the collar of her robe to slowly brush the soft fabric off her shoulders, revealing more burning naked skin that made Leon briefly fidget under the water. Was he that touch-starved? “Why not something else?” Could she hear his erratic heartbeat in his chest? His brain screaming at him just to grab her and pull her in his laps? See all his attempts at keeping his cool slowly crumbling to let the obscene fire growing in his loins take over?        Her mocking smile made Leon think she probably could.         “And what would that something else be?” He asked, curious.

He watched her take a step back. And unconsciously, he leant closer. Like a magnet. Not willing to be left alone or to let her go. And miraculously, unlike many women before her, she didn’t leave. She simply stood where she was and brought her hands to the belt around her waist.             “What do you what it to be?” And Leon stared; hypnotized again by her enticing moves he wished were quicker. “Or better question. What do you want me to be?” She unknotted the belt and let her fingers crawl back to the collar of the robe to open it slowly. The mere sight of her décolletage made Leon gulp and suddenly all his tries to keep his eyes on her beautiful face became vain as they always found their way back between her breasts. “A college student with daddy issues …” She opened the robe wider, showing more of her skin “…who’s eager to spread her legs for a married man who lost wife, kids and beagle to his best friend? Or…” more of her breasts, her rosy nipples, her belly, offering a glimpse of her young body “A very naked young woman seducing an old –clearly naked as well- emo boy in a hot tub?” The robe wasn’t covering anything that should have been covered anymore. Leon could see everything, everything enough for his cock to harden under the water and for him to thank for the bubbles hiding his arousal.           “Is that what you really are?” She entered the hot tub, towering him like a naked Venus calling to be touched. And god knows how hard it was for Leon not to touch her or to stop thinking about pressing his face against her womanhood. “That looks like what I am right now. Don’t you think?” She let herself slowly sink in the water, not taking her eyes out of him. “And that looks like something you like.” She purred and when Leon thought that she would sit on him, straddle his legs and finally feel his aching member against her… “Only a fool would not like it.”            “And you’re not a fool … Leon.” … He froze.

Leon’s eyes widened. Did he hear that right? “What did you just call me?” His tone, though tinted with surprise, had recovered its seriousness and gravitas. But it didn’t seem to unsettle the young woman before him who was still keeping her aura of sensual cheekiness.    “Isn’t that your name?” Leon frowned, wondering how she knew and what the hell her intentions were. “You know it’s hard to pretend to be someone else when your name and photo was shown on national TV barely a week ago. Leon S. Kennedy the national hero who saved America from bioterrorism yet again.”        “ So you knew all along?”    “ I call it naked truth.” She smiled proudly and he couldn’t help but laugh a little at the pun. “What? You said it yourself, I’m cleverer than what I let on.”           “ So this little game … What was it for?”  “ We can continue if that’s what you want.” She came closer to him, (colour) eyes staring deep in Leon’s own.           “ Cause we haven’t stopped playing?”     “ Well, I’m still playing.” She put a hand on his sculpted pectorals.

The contact, warm and delicate, made Leon slightly shiver and he looked at her palm slowly going down his firm chest, caressing his skin down to his carved abs, following the line of hairs below his navel until it finally reached his still hard sex  “And with what I’m feeling right there. It looks like you can still play with a little help.” He winced as he felt her delicately grab his shaft.           “ You’re impossible.” He managed to say between gritted teeth.        “ I know. You told me last time... You want me to stop?”  She murmured in his ear, her hot breath tickling him in a pleasant way.    “I didn’t say that.” His eyes found her face again but only for a short while. Soon they focused on her lips, now so close to his. “Good.”

For an instant he thought she would kiss him to eventually put an end to that game of theirs. That would have been the perfect occasion for them to finally let go to their most primal impulses. But she did not. Instead, she remained the way she was, her face a couple inches away from his, her parted lips so close to touch his and her eyes locked with his. Perfectly in control and taking an excruciating delight in watching Leon lose his composure as her hand was slowly toying with his manhood under the bubbling water. “I think you needed that.”  “ You have no idea.” A guttural moan escaped the barrier of his lips and his stomach tensed. Leon could feel his member throbbing in the girl’s grip. He was close already and not even slightly ashamed about it. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? For him to crumble under her touch. And maybe that was what he wanted too now that he was thinking about it.          He closed in blue eyes to focus only on her, on her touch, on her hand, moving up and down in cock, again and again, on her fingers, sometimes caressing the tip, sometimes tracing the prominent veins of his shaft, slowly, oh so slowly. A pleasuring torture he almost wished would be never-ending.           “ You know, if you want me to fuck you, you should stop with that amazing hand of yours and quickly climb on top of me.” She chuckled at the sudden dirty talk and surge of confidence, happy to finally see him that way.          But as his hands grabbed her hips to bring her in his laps she purred “As much as I would love this, we still have more games to play, Agent Kennedy."

Leon's eyes opened in a flash. Flabbergasted, he felt an atrocious void and a terrible discomfort when, completely powerless, he watched the girl stand up and leave him with nothing less but a smile and a wink. But as much as he wanted to be vexed or resentful, he couldn't help but laugh, thankful that somehow she had managed to take his nightmares away for the night. Sure he had blue balls but those were the best blue balls of his life. " We sure do, Y/N"

[chilly-me-softly]

Are u going to do a part 3 to the chilly fic its so good <3

Part 1 - Part 2

"I did something stupid" you announce as soon as Mason opens the door to his house, walking in and heading for the living room as if you were at your house.

"You? When have you ever done that in your life" the boy rolls his eyes sarcastically as you glare at him. "This is no time for jokes Mason"

"Okay come here" he claps a hand on the couch after sitting down, inviting you to sit next to him so you don't go back and forth, "What happened"

"Do you promise not to judge?"

"Hmm no but I'm listening" he retorts immediately and a groan escapes your lips as you lower your head and start to doubt at that very moment that that is the right thing to do. But if you don't tell someone, if you don't open up to him, you're gonna go crazy. So you take a deep breath and do your best not to look at him.

"Do you remember how Ben helped me that day? Well I wanted to thank him so I brought him a cake"

"Okay" Mason states looking suddenly curious as to where this is going.

"I just- I used a big plate hoping he might bring it back. But he didn't! Ugh why am I so stupid" it takes him a few seconds to realize the meaning of your words, his body straightening up at the revelation while yours almost wants to get swallowed up by the couch in embarrassment.

"You like Ben? Since when?" but still, his tone isn't judgmental, if anything curious and shocked.

"Mase"

"What? You guys are always fighti- oh"

"What oh" you look at your friend lost as he seems to be lost somewhere in his memory before returning to look at you turning slightly towards you.

"Of course! How the fuck did I miss that" he murmurs, "you acted the same way with Tim Reese when we were sixteen"

"Okay first how do you still remember Tim and second what are you talking about?!" you ask somewhat shocked as he smiles mischievously ready to strike. Oh you knew it wasn't a good idea.

"You were always nervous when it came to him and then when he got close to you you became this impassable fortress of coldness and sarcasm. The poor guy had to sweat to even get a kiss"

"That's not true" you try to defend yourself in vain.

"I might be a little offended you know, you didn't even have a little crush on me"

"Please, you're like my brother ew" you wince as he laughs shaking his head.

"So that's how it is today, it all ends over a plate?"

"It was an excuse Mase" you roll your eyes, "if he wanted to see me again he'd know how to hook me up" in short you had even sent each other a few messages, just to test the waters not knowing how far you could go at the time. But your relationship had never been just about the two of you and there was always that fear of ruining that little step forward lurking.

"Maybe who knows, he needs some kind of push too. Ben isn't the cocky guy he wants to appear after all"

"You know something I don't Mase" you look at him inspectively, him raising an eyebrow. "I won't say anything about him if I can't do otherwise"

"No mh-mh forget it" you shake your head firmly, Mason could talk to you about Ben all he wanted no one would know and you still knew how to handle a rejection by acting like nothing happened. But Ben knowing about your feelings and not returning them... no thanks, you didn't need any more embarrassment in your life to deal with.

"Well then you'll never know what he thinks of you"

"What's he even supposed to think, that I'm a crazy person who always has a say in everything and out of pity helped when I was sick" you shrug as he smiles knowingly, he's never going to tell you how worried his friend seemed in the days following your illness or how he was trying to find out something under the radar. Not if he can't tell him that he might find the door open if he wants to join your world. But as sure as hell he would have done something.

-

You correct yourself. That's the moment you know it wasn't a good idea to tell Mase.

He had asked you a couple of times if you were going to watch the game that saturday, he always did that when there were tough games because he said you were his good luck charm even though it wasn't true and most of the time they won or lost regardless of your presence. However, you had already cleared your whole schedule for that day and so he had extended the invitation to a drink after the game.

Nobody had lost, nobody had won. There was regret for a few wasted chances, but nothing that couldn't spur them on to do better the next game. You'd driven to the stadium in your car, not wanting to wait for Mason after the last time he'd made you wait over an hour outside, having him tell you where he wanted to go after the game and waiting for him there.

The place isn't that crowded and you can occupy a table further away, ordering something while you wait and taking the book out of your bag while resuming your reading.

"Hi" a voice makes you shift your gaze from those pages and you're bewildered to see Ben take a seat in front of you.

"Hi Ben"

"Mase said he'd meet us in a bit, he had something to do" the boy shrugs, "but I'm certainly not going to wait for him to order"

"Go ahead, I've already helped myself" you place the bookmark on the page you are on then put it in your bag and before you can let your eyes rest on Ben again, your phone alerts you to the arrival of a new message.

As soon as you see that it's Mason you get a bad feeling, and as soon as you open your conversation you see that he has sent you a picture of a diner where he is with some of the other guys. And it's definitely not the one you and his teammate are in.

"Son of a bitch"

"What?" Ben's voice makes you raise your head in alarm, suddenly you feel nervous and you want to strangle your friend and you want to bury yourself because what are you gonna do now. All while he looks at you expectantly.

"Um eh I- that wasn't meant for you" you murmur pathetically sighing and handing him your phone, "Mason's not coming"

"I don't understand" Ben looks at that picture with furrowed brows, but you can't read his expression.

"Look I'm sorry he set you up for this really. Um we can go and pretend like nothing happened" you stammer trying to pick up your bag and jacket deliberately trying not to look him in the eye and you try to get up but he stops you.

"Woah hey wait, wait. I'm not letting you go anywhere so upset" he is quick to grab the chair and move closer to you, if he wanted to calm you down he certainly isn't succeeding like this.

"Easy now, just try to explain what's going on please"

"Ben really it's not- it's just Mason okay? I just need to beat him up and then I'll be better" a soft laugh escapes his lips and you find yourself huffing but giggling at the same time.

"Nothing wrong with that. Just answer one of my questions first?" you nod losing focus for a moment as one of his thumbs starts stroking the back of your hand.

"He tried to set us up"

"Is that a question?" you ask struggling to swallow, your voice coming out weak and shaky. What's going on?

He shakes his head slightly, "Do you like me? That's my question" and if before it was difficult to find air now it seems like everything has closed for good. There you go, is that how you're going to die? In front of Ben of all people, and still before you can get revenge on Mason for that low blow?

"Cause Mason probably knows I fancy you-"

"You what?" you croak.

"-but he wouldn't have done that if he didn't know something else" his cheeks are slightly red, so he's feeling all that sudden heat too then!

"Ben I..."

"It's okay, it's okay. Look we're in the same boat here, if anything I'm a lot more exposed than you are at the moment because I've revealed to you how I feel and you haven't really let me know that I haven't really fucked up"

"No!" instinctively you lean forward and you don't know why you actually did it, but the sound of your foreheads colliding together resonates loudly. "Ouch I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my god are you okay?" geez you feel so stupid, embarrassed like a teenager struggling with her first crush and as clumsy as you've ever been... or don't like to remember.

"I've taken worse balls" he tries to lighten the situation but your now worried look doesn't seem to want to give way to anything else as you gently test his forehead.

"What do you say we get out of here? Maybe somewhere less crowded?"

"Yes please" you find yourself nodding and after paying quickly exit the building, Ben firmly takes your hand guiding you to the opposite side of your cars.

Neither of you speak on the way, you're lost in your head trying to calm yourself down to get your thoughts in order and not embarrass yourself further. He glances at you from time to time, what he is thinking you cannot know.

You arrive at the park and after a few more minutes of walking you sit down in a fairly secluded area except for a few people walking quietly on the stone path not far from you.

"You were pretty worked up in there" Ben breaks the silence.

"Being taken by surprise throws me off. Probably if I had known you were coming I would have been prepared, and imagined all the possible situations I might find myself in"

"Do you do this often? I mean do you never live in the moment?"

"Obviously I can't predict everything that's going to happen to me in a day, but the important things I like to know in advance so I can leave the anxiety at home and not risk headbutting people" a laugh breaks free in the air and when you look at him you feel lighter, nothing like the you of moments before.

"And to answer your question, yes I like you Ben. That day you helped me I think it helped me realise that"

"Funny, I realized it that day too"

"Sorry I must have looked like a weirdo" the awkwardness comes back overpowering again as he shakes his head moving closer to you some more.

"You were cute. Different from how you show yourself to others" you smile slightly dipping your teeth in your lower lip. "Now, do you still want to beat up Mase?"

"You betcha" you reply promptly causing him to laugh, "but not right now"

[kiwi-the-first]

The Best Lover In The Parsec

Oneshot

Pairing: Din Djarin x GN!Reader

Fandom: Star Wars/The Mandalorian

CW: Fluff oh gods so much fluff, *slaps roof of the fic* this baby can fit so much yearning in it! Salt bae angst action, guest appearance of one(1) line of having the word "making love" and including one corny joke.

TW: mention of near death experience,self loathing,body image issues,canon-typical violence.

A/N: I keep mentioning it, this is my first piece of fanfiction writing. So I really really hope you guys like it. I am scared shitless. Never thought I'd ever write this but 2020 said fuck it you're writing fanfics now. Special thanks all of my writer friends for encouraging,helping and inspiring me everyday into making this happen. Iysm!

Enjoy!

- Kiwi

Masterlist

You.

He didn't know what to do with you.

He couldn't explain what you made him feel.

He couldn't explain how you made him feel.

But he knew the answers, he knew the words to describe it. He knew the scent of you and the dreamy sigh that escapes him everytime,he enters the fresher after your shower. 

He knew the sound of your voice and how it soothes his longing soul and fills in for the silence of the crest, or "home" as you liked to call it.

How he instantly melted after hearing you speak his name for the first time.

You knew it was sacred due to his creed but he had insisted that he trusted you well enough to tell you.

“Din Djarin?” you asked and he nodded. 

“What a beautiful name” you smiled.

He breathing hitched and swore to the Mythosaur he never saw anything as pure as that. Well maybe the kid but he was your foundling so of course.

You two are the most precious purposes to him.

Your eyes, so beautiful that he couldn't stop looking at them, a colour picked by nature itself and poured in by artists. Filled with a cacophony of emotions he willingly drowned into.

He knew the curves and nicks of your body.

You trusted him,let him be near you and patch you up when needed. He knows your loathing regarding it,knows the borderline ambiguity and acceptance you have towards loving yourself.

He knows how you confine yourself in the mere image of a fighter.

He knows it well because he does it too. Still he thinks that you manage to be kinder than he could ever be.

You. He keeps falling for you. Deeper and deeper in an infinite pit of ecstasy that most would call love. 

You're all on his mind lately. Still he doesn't know what to do.

--

He knew your actions.

He knew how you fight, how you patch him up,how you show your affection in silent gestures. Ways you cradle the kid and play little games with him but also scold him when it’s needed. The way his chest tightens with that one particular feeling, seeing the two of you like that.

The three of you are safe,laughing just enjoying each other’s presence and looking like a perfect family,an aliit.

Everytime he associates the word with you two he feels a wave of calmness crash over him.

But he’d be lying if it also didn’t make him want to be disintegrated by his own pulse rifle. It was too much how you constantly took care of the two of them.

How you silently admire him when you think he's looking at the stars. When in reality he's looking at you.

He’s always looking at you, looking out for you two.

But do you feel it too? He doesn't have the courage to ask.

He never did. He'd die a thousand different deaths as a coward than be left alone without you beside him.

Your soul, the purest most perfect thing to him deserves someone better. That is what he constantly told himself.

He never intended to be vulnerable with a stranger yet there you were and here he was. But only you weren't a stranger,not anymore. 

If he hadn't known any better he would go as far as calling you his soulmate. Silly it may seem.

A big,bad Mandalorian bounty hunter believing in soulmates, but it was the truth.

You're the one holding his heart. But still he doesn't know what to do.

--

But then it changed, years of travelling together and months on the run raising the little green bean whom you both love and protect with your entirety. Maybe this was where it all ended.

He has been in bad situations before, true. But death was something he never thought he'd have to possibly greet in front of you.

 He first noticed your eyes, all the other emotions were set aside as they made room for fear and hopelessness of losing him. Your pretty lips that he always craved to kiss were trembling as you held him close to you.

One hand holding his as tightly as possible while the other cradled under his neck.

He knew he should've told you, he wanted to, desperately. But surely, he couldn't do it now...right? You didn't deserve a last moment declaration of love but lose said lover and live in vain for the rest of your life.

But the maker played him again. Surprise!surprise! He didn’t die.

After the chaos and dangers were all done, the three of you left Nevarro, and the crest jumped into hyperspace he started to prepare himself.

You barely spoke to him as you were down in the hull with the kid.

After you tucked in the kid in the sleeping compartment and came to the cockpit to sit down he started preparing.

He didn't know how much time had passed but he was still silent and...well he scoffed at himself, still ‘’preparing’’.

But suddenly you got up from your seat, fumbling a little, clearly trying to say something.

"I need to talk to you" his entire body froze. 

Whatever it was, it scared him. He felt nauseous all of a sudden.

"...about today". 

Oh, his anxiety got the best of him. He was always the rusher and in the moment of weakness he couldn't control himself.

"Mando I think you shou-"

"I'm in love with you" he felt his voice slightly crack.

--

You blinked once,twice, mouth slightly agape. Tears started pooling in your eyes…

Shit shit shit shit it wasn't supposed to happen like this!!!

You were probably telling him how you'd much rather be without him and be safe far away from him and he fucked it all up.

Again he was gonna ruin something because he had no self restraint.

He was confused when you lurched your body to his chest, hugged him tightly and started sobbing.

Was this normal? When a person wants to leave you they don't do thi-

He heard your shaky voice let out a breath and then a

"I love you too" 

Huh?

Oh- 

OH!

He could faint right now. He could die and be alive again. If someone told him to befriend a jedi right now he would. 

It took him a while to process your words,probably because of that brain injury IG informed him about, he thought to himself. 

He was irrevocably happy.

Just...happy...and sated, but he also felt like someone ran over him with a mudhorn.

You loved him. You loved him.

You loved him back.

You-

--

He looks down at you. Sleeping silently curled up against him, holding him close.

This has been like that ever since. 

Ever since you both declared that all those touches were indeed electrocuting,that all those late night heart-to-hearts weren't just conversations to pass the time,how he longed to take your hands in his. 

Or how you wanted to take off his kriffing helmet so that you could see his eyes and what they hid, or kiss his lips yet you resisted.

It’s been a while, he thinks.

Since you settled down for your happy ending...or was it a beginning? He likes to think it's a little bit of both.

It was something he'd never thought he'd have. Since you learnt that the kid’s people were gone. Since the kid truly became your own in every sense.

But frankly if he was being honest Din didn’t ever want to give him away and neither did you. Your son,your Ad’ika. You now had the privilege to call him that with the permission from The Armorer.

Since your Riduurok.

Since he was allowed to take off his helmet and finally, you finally got to let your emotions run free.

To finally see his face and hold him close. To feel his lips and his warmth. 

The memory of your tears of unsung victory and joy still elevates his heartbeat.

Since you had made love and you laughed at his messed up curls in the morning after.

"Thanks for letting me in" you kissed his knuckles and he sighed contently.

"You did too" you furrowed your brows "I-"

"Literally" he winked, "oh? waiT YOU- EWW!!!" he was laughing hard as he dodged the pillow you threw at him.

"And to think! Your'e a responsible father!"

"Make a pervy joke again and I'll murder you" you grumbled. You kept laughing in each other's arms as he held you close

He still chuckles at the memory.

Now baby didn’t mind having a stable life with his buirs either.

You sighed in your sleep. The morning lights were seeping in through the slightly opened windows.

Sunbeams slowly making their ways into the room and enveloping your bodies. 

Your eyes crinkled in your sleep and you mumbled something and cuddling closer to him, if that were possible.

The kid will be up soon too and the thought alone makes him smile.

Yet another day with the two of you.

It was a free day for both of you and between your magnificent existence and snorting at Ad’ika running around,babbling and being the cutest menace. He knew he’d survive.

He looks down at you again and he's reminded of all the things that he loves about you. 

Now including how much you also love him. He could feel your heart beat,it is the best genre of music to him.

He felt the warmth again, not from the sunlight but from his infinite loop of affection for you.

“Ner Ali’it” he called you.

He'll bask in this for as long as you'd allow him and gladly, you promised to allow him forever.

He may be the best bounty hunter in the parsec but he never tried to be the best lover.

He simply couldn't!

For that title already had an owner,

You.

----------------

TAGS: @dindjarindiaries

@spacegayofficial

@lady-of-nightmares-and-heartache

@dindjarinsleftvambrace

@mitchi-c

@the-real-xhorse

@hdlynn

@deafmandalorian

@cheesecake-madness

@duchessnibenhu-ofpyromania

@oloreaa

:)

[all-might-can-smash-me]

Motherly Instincts, Human Emotions, or Just a Quirk?

Aizawa Shouta/Eraserhead x Reader

Summary: A feeling is haunting you and it seems to just get even more complicated as the number one hero Endeavor is now out of his hospitalization and the world is at an unease. Is it just your motherly instincts that you feel towards your beloved class 1-A? Is it just a normal occurrence of emotion within any person? Or is it your quirk now picking up something new that you can’t quite see yet?

What I listened to while writing: Detroit:Become Human soundtrack, especially Kara’s Theme.

We are finally here! The fifth season of our beloved My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia has finally arrived! And with that also comes some writings! I’ve been swamped with my new busy schedule that comes along with being in cosmetology school, don't ever under estimate those students because we sure go through a lot each day! Please enjoy this short, on the whim writing for a humble celebration.

Masterlist / request info in master list

A chill had risen up your arms as your typed away at your computer, the hurried and petrified voice of the news caster raging out even if your tv was brought down to a hushed volume. 

“Number one hero Endeavor is is currently defeating a villain. Much damage has been caused to the area. No fatalities as of right now....” Though whatever they had left to speak out to all of Japan or even the whole world did not matter as your chair had clattered upon the ground as you reached for your house coat. the bright light of the hall blinding your eyes as wisps of hair that had fallen from your hair tie floated amongst the wind you created with your nervous steps down the stairs. Shoto had fallen to the ground and your colleague was already there hovering over the teen, the rest of the class either crowding their fellow classmate or staring in shock to the news blaring from the tv.

That day the world changed and not even the world’s most naïve person could ever deny such a thing.

“Here is your jacket, Shoto...” You spoke out softly as you stood in front of the boy, hands reaching to straighten out the collar, the young man only silently standing before you expressionless as usual. Though you could have sworn you felt a tremor. Whether it was you or him, that could be debatable. “Just remember the time we set, ok? If you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to just excuse yourself so Mr.Aizawa and I can bring you straight back to the dorms, they will understand that if you have too.” assuring you hoped your words would sound to the boy, but that forever blank expression only looked back to you. 

“Ok...” he softly spoke out, you nodding your head as you stepped out from his path.

“Ok” felt like the only appropriate response as you watched him step up to the house, disappearing behind the very daunting front door. 

You didn’t want to come off as one of those crazy conspiracist types who always had a foul theory about a hero, villain, and their families, but with your quirk helping you feel the atmosphere or vibe of people, places, or things, you couldn't help but silently be one. Shoto always carried something awful, something that made your heart become heavy despite his neutral expressions. It always perturbed you to no end. It wasn’t like you have never felt this before either. With your previous job being interviewing and helping rehabilitate “troubled” children and mentally stricken heroes and now being the counselor of UA, it was something that always came. What bothered you though was that it was coming from the son of the nation’s number one hero, a family that would seem normal to all of Japan and the entire world because, well, it was a family of a hero. A had on your shoulder made you snap out of your racing thoughts, now looking over your shoulder and to Aizawa.

“Are you ok?” He questioned, almost a bit awkwardly. You didn’t blame him, your reaction to the atmosphere around was probably strange and maybe even frightening. “I know your quirk can...”

“I’m just worried...” You spoke out with a sigh as rested a hand over his before moving away from his touch to lean against the hood of the car, hands now sitting in your lap as you twiddled your thumbs. “And I’ve been picking up something weird, but who knows, maybe its just that this house probably too damn old and spooky” you tried to joke with a meek laugh, though he only stared with a knowingly look, yet did not press any further. You had to be thankful for that, he sure knew when to back off sometimes, maybe not when it came to his own homeroom students, but for you? He did and you didn’t really care to know his reason for why like whether or not he thought you were too weak to handle it or some other seemingly offensive reason. “Shit!” You exclaimed as a fowl hiss came from the side walk in front of you. There a scared cat arched and puffed it’s body out, though Aizawa paid no mind with a lazy look as he calmly approached the cat, slowly reaching out a hand to let the feral beast sniff, quickly gaining his trust. You couldn't help but let out a giggle as the man scooped up the cat in his arms, now leaning against the car next to you where his hands loved up upon the cat’s dirty fur, his black hair falling to hide the sides of his face. Sometimes you would sit there and imagine what he would look like with that mane of his trimmed and tidied during the sleepless nights you shared playing card games, doing paperwork together, or doing a quick patrol around the dorm to check upon the beloved students of class 1-A. 

“Huh, you sure your quirk isn’t taming wild cats?” You teased as you reached a hand to give the old cat a scratch under his chin. The little chuckle that rumbled through rumbled through you before he began to speak.

“I wish, creating a cat sanctuary of street cats seems like the life best suited for me..” He spoke out lowly with the purrs of the cat. You knew he was joking however which brought a small lift to the corners of your lips. 

It didn’t take him much thought to know that something was still bothering you as the cat jumped from him arms to land back to the ground with what seemed to be a small meow of thanks as it ran off into the night only leaving behind the pesky cat hairs on his all black costume, but he didn’t mind at all. 

“Look at you, covered in cat hair...” Your voice came out in a whisper which you weren't aiming to do as you reached a hand to try to dust away the short hairs in vain, though his rough hands wrapped around yours in order to stop you, a knowing look upon his face. That look made you sigh as you retracted your hands from his.

That damn man. He knew when to not press about things like he did to others, but when it got to a certain point in his eyes, he always intervened. You were foolish enough to think you would be able to suppress and hide it enough in order to trick those fatigued eyes of his. Not this time, the feelings that plagued your heart and continued to poke at you were too strong and too bothersome. 

“Shoto always carried things such as sadness, anger, determination, trauma, just a lot more than I could swallow sometimes.” You began to explain, now looking up to the house watching the shadows dance across one of the windows lit up by the soft light within. “And this whole area is filled with so many bad things...but right now it kind of confuses me” You said as your eyebrows scrunched at the new shift. “Change is happening, which is normal to see in a person once they go through the proper treatment or therapy, but judging by how bad it was before, it is going to take a lot...” You said with a sigh, lowering your gaze from the house, trying your best to shut off the swarm of emotions before you and to end your reading, now looking to Aizawa. “It just saddens me, Shoto seems so aloof, but that boy has went through so much, I guess I’m just worried from him, scared for him..” You explained.

“Doesn’t make since why he would come back?” He asked softly, you only staring back up to him to roll that thought within your head before nodding your head. Aizawa only nodded his head back, his arm now reaching to wrap an arm around your dropping shoulders, you now leaning your head against his shoulder. The embrace was comforting and you appreciated his understanding, but you still had such an anxious feeling in your gut. 

“I know this world preaches forgiveness and for us to fix the wrongs we commit in our life, but even for me who helps those people forgive and seek forgiveness, its still hard to do it myself sometimes. It also goes to show that even a family like this can hold all these...foul things” You explained further as you looked p to the moths and bugs that swarmed the streetlight up above and soon past their mindless flight and to the dull stars above. The tears pulled at the brim of your eyes, your chin beginning to strain with the sensation that came with crying. “These kids are like my babies...” you soon shakily spoke out, fighting back the horrendous expression you knew would come too with your tears as you looked to Aizawa “And right now I can’t fight off this feeling in my gut ever since the Endeavor incident..” Your trembled whisper almost seemed fearful. 

A door slamming made Aizawa’s head snap to the source of the sound where the both of you sat in the silence, bodies tense as you waited. Finally with a deep sigh his body relaxed as he looked back to you, a hand reaching to brush away those tears that could move him to tears if he was off guard, though sometimes that wouldn’t even work and that would definitely not go past you. 

Your hands reach to cup the lower, stubbled half of his face upon seeing that familiar wetness gently pool in his eyes, but it was not enough to fall upon his cheeks and betray his wishes of not wanting to cry. You guessed you were not alone with these feelings

“I know...” He spoke out quietly with a sad smile. “We just have to prepare them as best as we can. Shoto, Izuku, Eri, Shinsou, all the others” Aizawa continued on as he was no fully turned to you, hands holding your upper arms, one of them moving away to reach for a piece of hair that was caught onto your sweater to pluck it off and let it float gently down into the darkness of the night. 

“But they are just kids...” 

“I know, but they chose this path, besides, they have already accomplished and achieved so much. Who knows, maybe whatever is coming will be another thing these students will once again defeat and make us adults look stupid again” Aizawa was trying to joke, trying to lift that melancholy looked that wrinkled your face, but it was no use. With a sigh he stood up straight, those warm hands of his sliding away as he opened the passenger door for you, those eyes seeming to look even more exhausted if that were even possible. “Come on, lets get the car started, its almost time to bring Shoto home.”

Motherly instincts, human emotions, a quirks power....was it simply not a good mix or was it simply something big was coming? How those thoughts came in typhoons within your mind as you sat in silence in there car. 

How you will never be able to figure that one out....

[katnissmellarkkk]

I *DEMAND* part 3 of shattered pearl. I repeat. I *DEMAND*.

Hahahahaha omg. Well, I decided to legitimately dig through the archives of my writing drafts and found chapter three of the Peeta-Wasn’t-Hijacked fic. It’s been given like 1,000 different names on different sites. I’ve never loved any of them. And I don’t really think this is my best writing ngl. But I also figure ... why be so stingy, ya know? If I have an incomplete draft, that I probably won’t finish, why not post a little bit? Especially since I literally left everyone and their brother who were reading this fic on a cliffy for over a year.

With that said.... I wrote this part like ... 15 months ago? 14 ? 13 ? Something like that. And I haven’t edited it since so ... yeah! Here’s a small chunk of chapter three! 🥳🥳🥳 Hope it’s better than I remember it being!

But it’s lacking something and it’s only then I realize, what I’m searching for inside Gale’s mouth, is the spark that only Peeta’s ever ignited in me. I keep waiting in vain for the warmth that started in my stomach and then rose up and exploded in my chest, for the craving that no matter what I couldn’t manage to satisfy, for the thrilling, almost hysterical, tingly feeling, to overcome me and leave me lightheaded in a completely foreign way. A way that couldn’t be attributed to lack of oxygen.

But it never does. I pull back and wipe my mouth carelessly on my arm and sigh, already sensing Gale’s demeanor taking a nose dive at my lackluster reaction.

I’m not disappointed when I look to see his expression. His eyes are frustrated, his mouth is downturned, his eyebrows are pinched together. And I feel as bad as I knew I would. Because no matter what, I’m hurting someone I deeply care for.

But how I feel upon seeing Gale’s face isn’t even comparable to the amount of remorse that fills me, that overtakes my entire being, when I see Peeta standing in the doorway, having watched our entire exchange.

/

I yelled his name as he disappeared down the hall. I tried to rip out all the needles and wires connecting me to the machines and the stiff, sterilized bed but Gale used all his strength to push me down flat. I was overpowered and exhausted and my left side was screaming mercilessly, and I don’t even know what pain was the bruised lung and what pain was my hurt ribs and what pain was my heart violently smashing into the pit of my stomach.

All I know is that if I had been able to reach Peeta before he evaporated, I have no clue what I would have said to him.

What I could have said to make it alright.

Gale tried to talk to me again after that but I entirely tuned him out, no longer caring if I wounded his feelings, or anyone else's for that matter.

It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how careful or cautious or preemptive I try to be, someone still got hurt in the end.

I wish I could just shut out the world, like I did during those first few weeks in Thirteen. Hide inside closets when I had a flashback. Shove myself into a minuscule crawl space with every nightmare. Refuse to speak to anyone who wasn't Gale or my family. Only eat when my mother nearly forced me. Show no remorse for how rude or how clinically insane I came across.

But now there was an agreement in place, an agreement I made to protect the victors—namely the one who just disappeared down the hall on me—and the people who had no voice on their own. The people who’s only chance was a half-crazed, shell-shocked, battle worn seventeen year old girl, who was just gunned down on national television.

Even if I wanted to retreat to some safe haven inside my head—if such a thing even existed for me—like Annie Cresta, I knew it could never happen.

For me, that wasn’t an option. If I don’t fulfill my duties to Coin, Peeta, Johanna, Annie and probably countless more people will suffer. The districts would undoubtably suffer. Gale would suffer. My mother and Prim would suffer.

I was proven right when later that same night Plutarch came to visit me again. I'd been lying on my side to avoid having to see Gale, who was still soldered to my bedside. My good side was thankfully opposite his seat.

When the Gamemaker spoke I thought I would be forced back to work. Forced to head back to the rebels and engage in their plans.

And I was resigned to it, well aware all along that I wouldn't be given the luxury of time to grieve the hurt I just caused Peeta. Or even the pain I knew I was inflicting upon Gale. The constant seesaw my heart was bouncing up and down on.

I was endlessly thankful that I was still pumped with morphling when Plutarch said that I was needed in Coin's office, because it heavily suppressed any real emotion I had brewing deep inside.

Morphling can cause you to let down your guard sometimes, make you say or do things you wouldn't otherwise or allow things to happen you'd ordinarily have the sense to stop. But it also causes all your severe emotions, all your heightened feelings, to dull as well. And for that, in light of everything that had just transpired, I was eternally grateful for.

When the doctor had removed all the needles from my arm, and I had been given a robe to go over my hospital gown—which, shockingly, was even uglier and thinner and itchier than the gowns they gave in the Capitol hospitals—Gale escorts me down the halls, through the corridors and to President Coin’s office.

I don’t speak to him the entire time. Looking at him makes my stomach churn with remorse and regret, though I’m not even sure who those feelings are directed towards. I’m not even sure how to articulate the way I feel right now.

And, as much as I try to force him out of my mind—as much as I do my best to rip him out from wherever he crawled beneath my skin and flooded into my veins—I inexplicably miss Peeta.

In more ways than I even know how to decipher. Even inside my own head.

I thought that feeling of longing would have ebbed away once he was rescued from Snow and his twisted mansion, but even knowing he’s safe here in Thirteen, I still crave his presence next to me.

I still want him next to me almost all the time.

It’s at least partially attributable to the fact that for so long, it was me and Peeta against the world. He has been my partner in this whirlwind rollercoaster since the first games and, even when I feel like every single aspect that could potentially go wrong has, sometimes it seems like I couldn’t have gotten luckier with who was chosen that fateful reaping to stand by my side the entire horrific ride.

I wipe my eyes as inconspicuously as I can but Gale sees and almost instinctively puts his hand on my shoulder. And proves he knows me better than I give him credit for. “I’ll talk to him, Katniss.”

“Don’t,” I immediately hiss. “You’ll just make it worse, Gale. He-he,” I struggle with explaining what I want to say and I curse my best friend for even addressing my moment of weakness because now I have to go talk to Coin, looking like an unstable mess—with a near bullet wound—and I blurt out the very first thing I can think of. “He doesn’t even know you, okay? You’ll just-“

There’s no malice in Gale’s voice as he softly replies, “Well, he was fine when I went and saw him before you woke up.”

I stop now, dead in my tracks. “You saw him? After I was shot?”

He nods slowly. “Yeah, I felt like should check on him. I know...” He pauses and looks upwards and I recognize, once again, this whole thing isn’t easy for him either. “I know he means a lot to you. And I heard what happened when he saw you go down. So I went and checked in on him...” He stops again before shrugging nonchalantly. “He was calmer by the time I saw him. He was nice. He’s always been nice.” At that Gale rolls his eyes. “Too nice. Probably why Snow wanted to hurt him.”

I start walking again, moving ahead of him a few paces. “You’re not helping,” I state, my voice a monotone.

“I’ll talk to him,” Gale offers again, running to catch up.

“Please don’t, okay? Just let it be. I don’t even know if he’ll speak to me, I don’t want to have to worry about what you’ll say to him.”

I vigorously shake off his hand on my shoulder when he tries to comfort me again, and feel him root into place as I make the rest of the way to Coin’s office.

And I wonder if I hurt him now too.

I wonder if I managed to completely annihilate them both from me in one night.

/

Much to my surprise and, to be completely honest, my utter disappointment, Coin doesn’t want me to head back out and fight for the rebellion. She doesn’t want me to even film more propos.

Plutarch does, but his ideas now are pretty frivolous and have more to do with him being still stuck in the fantasy of putting on a good show and less to do with fighting for the good of the country.

Coin simply says, “You did your job, Miss Everdeen. You united the districts,” in her calm, disingenuous—completely unsettling—tone.

And argument I put up is met with a simple shake of the head and a pursing of her lips. All indisputable rejections, her cold, blank eyes telling me wordlessly that in no way could I sway her once her mind was made up.

Still doesn’t stop me from trying though.

“I want to help the rebels,” I plead, looking to Boggs behind Coin’s chair, his face still stoic but his eyes giving me a look that isn’t altogether dismissive.

That was something. It was more than I was getting from either Coin or Plutarch.

Coin though brushes off my words and cuts me down infuriatingly quick with a single sentence. “Plutarch wanted to see Peeta earlier, talk about some propos. But when he sent for him, one of the doctors working with Peeta said he wasn’t having a good day.”

Her tone is smooth and pleasant enough but there was an undercurrent to her words that she knew I would hear. “Do you know how Peeta is? I would have thought with your waking up this morning, he’d be in better shape than he was but if you two aren’t getting-“

“Me and Peeta are fine,” I snap, not liking whatever she’s implying.

She nods, slowly at me, choosing her next sentiment carefully. “Well, let’s hope so. We need both of you now to remain the faces of this revolution. And I wouldn’t want you to do anything rash because of... problems between you and your... between you and Peeta.”

I’m shaking my head, feigning certainty, before she even finishes. “That’s not why I want to help the rebels,” I insist firmly.

“Irregardless, Miss Everdeen, we don’t have a job for you. You aren’t qualified to go into the fight and we no longer need your propos to unite the districts. Your job is done. Thank you for your help.”

And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m being definitively dismissed now. Indefinitely.

I don’t make any effort to keep my cool, instead choosing to storm out of the room, slamming the door cacophonously behind me and wonder why I let that woman get to me so much. Why her words and implications slice me open like a knife.

Why no matter how much I try, I just can’t like her.

Something about her rubs me the wrong way and, once again, I wish Peeta was here with me in the room, because he of all people could understand what about Coin felt off and strange and so familiar.

I curse myself again, as I suddenly miss him even more than before.

Unable to force myself to put my focus elsewhere—especially now that Gale is surely angry too—I change directions and head towards the recovery room.

I don’t even knock before entering. I push the door open, only to find him sitting on top of his bed, a sketchbook in hand, a lot more tranquil than I pictured.

He looks up as I enter—and then, simultaneously freeze in the doorway, like the coward I truly am inside. Before he can speak though, I blurt out, “I know you’re mad about me kissing Gale and I don’t know how much you saw or heard, but it wasn’t... it wasn’t exactly...” I stop because once again, I’m unprepared and out of my element and have no rhyme or reason in what I’m trying to say. I don’t know the right thing to say. I never know the right thing to say.

Maybe if I did, I wouldn’t screw always everything up. “It wasn’t,” I finally force myself to continue, off his patient and somewhat bewildered glance. “It wasn’t what I wanted... I didn’t want it to happen. I don’t, I don’t even know what-“

He finally puts me out of my misery now. “Katniss,” he speaks my name along with a sigh. I watch carefully, feeling a lump build in my throat, as his blonde brows furrow over his baby blues.

He shakes his head, slow and calm. Far more reasonable than I ever anticipated. “I’m not mad at you, Katniss,” he promises, with all the genuineness in the world.

I bite my lip, befuddled by his words. “But... where have you been then?” Why did you leave me? A small voice in the back of my mind demands.

He shrugs, his gaze falling down to his bed now. His demeanor is almost embarrassed, I realize with a start.

“I wanted to give you and Gale space. I’ve been practically mauling you since you woke up so I thought-“

“But I didn’t want you to leave,” I abruptly burst out, unable to shove the words down any longer.

A pang of embarrassment shoots through me though, for the pathetic crack, evident in my tone. And I mentally berate myself.

Not for the embarrassment. For the pathetic crack itself.

And for the fact that somehow I’m the frenzied one here and Peeta is the voice of reason.

Which used to be our norm but after everything that���s transpired, I would have thought things would be reversed by now.

He just stares at me for a long moment, carefully considering his next words.

Finally, he opens his arms slowly and utters, “Come here,” in a tender murmur and I practically fly into his arms before I can second guess the offer.

I feel my injured side screaming as I curl up like a ribbon in his arms, but I surpress the wince to the best of my ability and instead bury my face in his shoulder, breathing in his sweet scent like a mad girl.

He softly presses his lips to my messy locks, carefully massaging the back of my head soothingly. “I’m sorry I ran away,” he whispers, barely loud enough for even me to hear. “I was just embarrassed. I know—I’ve always known deep down—that it’s not right for me to constantly hold you to the things you said in the games. Or to project my own feelings onto you.”

“You didn’t,” I refute venomously, my brows knitting together.

“Katniss, I know you and Gale have had something between you for a long time.”

“Gale was just a friend until me and you came back from our first games. Maybe he wanted to be more even before, I don’t know, but I never felt anything romantic for him. I swear.”

“You don’t have to defend your feelings to me,” he states softly.

“I know, it’s just...” I sigh, moving to sit upright across his thighs. “No matter what I do, it’s wrong. If I say I’m confused, you’re both hurting. If I say I want to kiss you or sleep with you or just be with you, I’m leading you on because I can’t-I can’t make any promises about my feelings right now, because I don’t even know up from down anymore. And if I say I do or don’t want to kiss Gale or be around him or hunt with him still, I’m hurting him or giving him the wrong idea or telling him the wrong things, and it all gets confused and there’s an entire rebellion that I’m the face of, and now I don’t even know if I’m a part of that, but Snow and his followers all hate me still so I know family still won’t be safe until this is all over. And you. You and Johanna and Annie went through the ringer over me. And Gale gets upset whenever he sees us together—it hurts him to see us—but I can’t always seperate you two from one another and I just-I don’t know what I can do. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Peeta lets me rant the whole entire spiel out, his hand slowly moving in circles to rub my back, from the top of my spine down to my backside. “Katniss,” he whispers once I’m done. “You don’t have to defend yourself to me. I get it. You’re under immense pressure. The last thing I want to do is make things harder on you.”

“You’re not,” I say, shaking my head insistently. “You’re not making anything worse, Peeta. It’s-it’s not you.”

“Okay,” he concedes and unconsciously wraps me up tighter in his arms. “Just relax, okay? Relax and breathe.”

I quiver and quake against him. “I don’t think I can.”

I barely realize I’m crying until Peeta leans down to kiss my tearstained cheek softly. “Katniss, it’s okay. I’m not mad. And Gale shouldn’t be. If he is, then that’s on him. The rebellion isn’t just your responsibility. Do not let them put all that weight on your shoulders. I know they already have but it’s not all your responsibility. And no one is going to let anything happen to your mom or sister.” He pushes my hair away from my forehead, pressing his lips there for a long moment. “Or you. I promise I will not let anything else happen to you.”

I swallow hard as he rests his forehead against my temple. I squeeze my eyes shut in hopes that it will make my head stop spinning somehow. Deep breaths to center myself fail miserably and in the end, I feel my bruised ribs and lung disagree with the movement and ache worse than before.

Peeta feels me cringing against him in pain and remains careful as he shifts, reaching for something off his bedside table.

I’m in too much pain to react as pushes off my robe and tugs my hospital gown down in order to slide against my skin, his hand holding it firmly to my side.

The icy temperature brings some sort of relief to me almost instantly, and I let out an audible sigh of relief, feeling my rigid body relax even a minuscule amount for the first time.

“I don’t blame you for having feelings for Gale,” Peeta murmurs, drawing my attention back to our conversation and away from my painful left side. “And if you want to be with him, I won’t hold it against you. I’m not going to lie, I’d be ... sad but... it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still be your friend. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still be at jere for you however you needed me. There’s no ultimatums here, Katniss. I’m still here for you, even if you’d rather be with Gale.”

I pause for a long moment, absorbing his words. He’d be willing to be my friend, even if I hurt him? Even if I chose someone else over him? Even after everything we went through, even after all the ways he’d been abused because Snow could see how much I care for him? How much I need him. He’s still willing to put it all aside and be there for me, no strings attached.

And I try not to compare but my brain draws the conclusion almost involuntarily, and I can’t stop myself from realizing that, in the same position, Gale would likely not be telling me the same thing.

I burrow my face deeper in his shoulder, shutting my eyes in exhaustion.

Peeta catches me off-guard, moving my hair aside to kiss my neck, eliciting a flare of heat in the place where his lips brush my skin, and I may not know exactly how I feel, but I know in that moment exactly what I want right now.

“The only person I want to be with tonight is you,” I whisper honestly, looking up at him with pleading eyes, begging him to somehow understand an emotion I don’t know how to admit. “The only person I want right now is you, Peeta.”

[cocobittiebites]

Hello!! This is my 2nd ask.. I just wanted a Scenario when Hisoka is being Saved by a extremely Powerful Woman who has a very cold Appearance... This Woman saved him during the fight of Chrollo.. Sorry for my Second Ask.. I'm just really loved him.. By the way I'm very satisfied on your blogs😊😊😊😊😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️

TELL ME WHY I FORGOT I WROTE THIS A COUPLE DAYS AGO???? LIKE FR THIS WAS DONE ON THURSDAY- talk about forgetfulness 🧍🏻‍♀️

Some things that I added cuz creative liberty and all that jazz: y/n is apart of the main four (well it’s five now on my blog ig), I just love found family ok. Also it gives her depth and a decent reason how she knows Hisoka. Her nen ability was based off of my favorite six of crows character, Nina Zenik (who i also probably based her personality off of)

Also fair warning I can barley understand Nen and how is works whenever it’s explained so yeah here is me bullsh*ting it 🧍🏻‍♀️ I tried for y’all though...

Hisoka x fem!reader

TW: Hisoka being Hisoka, mentions of blood and gore (not that much but still), really this is pretty tame compaired to a lot of things on this app, y/n has strong opinions

Why did she have to get tangled up with this clown yet again? No amount of money is worth dealing with this.

At least she had the intuition to view the fight from her room at Heaven’s arena. From the looks of this the two fighters completely disregarded the sanctity of common courtesy as they brought the audience in their petty quarrel. 

Men and their egos.

The hypocrisy of the situation never ceased to amaze her.

He’s mad that Hisoka sold out the troupe and had a hand in the death of their members? Really? After they probably done far worse? 

She watched up on the screen as the audience members began flying towards the aforementioned clown, internally jerking back as Hisoka’s arm was completely severed.

Just like his fight with Kastro.

But it wasn’t like his fight against Kastro. This was a fight against the leader of the Phantom Troupe and this Chrollo guy….he was no joke. At least in his fight against Kastro it was like a game in his favor. Here though, he was the prey and this Chrollo guy seems vengeful. 

As she focuses on the magician, the situation seemed to hit Hisoka.

It was all incredibly dramatic.

And incredibly stupid.

A huge explosion erupted. Bodies piled up. Chrollo’s the last man standing. 

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

Hisoka is dead.

The words chant in her head like a sour requiem. A feeling of dread washes over her psyche. A wave, a panic arises. Her body moves involuntarily and she runs out the door towards the arena. Once she’s there she stills and takes a breath.

Stop being dramatic….This situation is exactly why he asked you to be here.

As a manipulator she could control a person’s hearts. If she was ever caught in a fight she could practically stop an opponent and give them an artificial cardiac arrest, not that she couldn’t fight her way out without her ability. With this ability she was also able to slow someone's heart rate, either calming them or putting them to sleep. The downside of it was that she had to be within a fifteen foot radius of whoever she’s using it on and there needs to have been a point of contact with the other person within an hour's time frame. 

Aura is all around the body you see, and the core of it is the heart. If it was any other organ, like the brain for example, without a modifier like needles, her nen ability would not be possible. Call it her individuality complex, but something about modifiers made her equate it to people like Illumi Zoldyck. It left a bad taste in her mouth. 

There also was a chance that if she overexerted herself, say stopping more than 3 peoples hearts at a time, she could overwork her heart rate and die. Then again, there are downsides to everything. 

Really it was an ability she was particularly proud of. Well she did develop her nen faster than the others. When she showed Gon and Killua her ability they started bombarding her with endless questions. Though there wasn’t a name for it yet. Leorio and his ever present doctor knowledge just kept spewing out heart-related medical terms.

Cardiac is a good name though. 

God. She really missed her friends.

At least you get to see Kurapika when this is all over.

Back to the matter at hand. Hisoka is dead and before he died he asked her to restart his heart to bring him back to life. After much harassment from him against her and her friends, she was bound to say no, however fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny. A bag is a bag, could you blame her?

Schooling her face she enters the ‘arena’, if you could call it that. The place was completely decimated. The ceiling was ready to crumble completely. Dead bodies littered the entire room. The iron smell of blood wafed up her nose, cringing internally.  In the middle lies Hisoka, face mauled, a missing nose, and several severed limbs. 

Geez, it's like he wants to make her job difficult. 

Peering over to the entrance on the other side she spots a certain pink-haired spider. Machi stands above Hisoka as she uses her nen stitches to put his limbs back together. 

Oh so this is his plan.

She takes no precaution in disguising herself through Zetsu, as she pulls her face into a stony exterior. It works as the pink-haired woman senses her presence and turns up in arms towards her. 

“You” Machi spits out.

“Me” she says mockingly.

“What are you doing here.”

Pointing to the man himself, “The clown wanted me to restart his heart,” sauntering over to where Hisoka’s body laid there, “a fail-safe, if you will.” 

Machi rolls her eyes, “I thought a goodie-goodie like you wouldn’t help a guy like him?”

Shrugging her shoulders she walks up to the spider and brushes Machi’s hair behind her ears, “Fifty-million jenny is fifty million jenny.”

Machi doesn’t say anything. Paying no mind the girl kneels down to the magenta magician. His face, once handsome, now bashed and torn up. She wouldn’t admit it to him but she felt a small pang in her heart at the sight of him. 

You shouldn’t feel bad. He’s the cause of his own ruination. 

Placing both hands on his chest she feels for signs of where his heart is. Once finding it she focuses her aura into her hands and into his heart. Raising her connected hands once she pushes down roughly, in turn restarting his heart. Hopefully he still had some blood flow still lingering in the brain. 

It took a minute but after a while of pumping his heart herself she felt his breath even, indicating that he would be fine on his own for now. In a moment of relief she watched his eyes flutter open. 

His eyes focused, slightly dazed and disoriented, but surprised that he is seeing at all. Still he sees her towering over him, as icy as fresh fallen snow. Her expression is blank, devoid of any hatred or fondness. Still she’s ethereal like this. Light shrouded her like a halo, as if she was an angel of death. For a moment he thought he had died and entered a Heaven he did not deserve. 

What a welcome sight <3, he thought.

Machi looked at the pair stunned. So that’s what her nen ability is. Chrollo isn’t going to be happy about this. Slipping past the pair, she left the room to tell her boss about this new development. 

“What a coincidence Y/N, I didn’t know you cared about me this much,” his signature smirk marring his face. She watches as he fills his gapping nose with bungee gum and covers it with his texture surprise. 

Vain as usual.

She scowls at him, “I care about your wallet,” saying it as coldly as possible. 

“Ouch that hurts~” 

“You literally just died.” 

“So now your concerned, hmm~” 

Rolling her eyes she asked, “Well, I hope you learned something from this experience.” Raising her hand she checks his pulse, “What are you going to do about Chrollo and his gaggle of arachne?” 

“This was a sort of wake up call so to say~,” he sits up moving closer to her face, eyes darting towards her petaled lips. He reaches over to caress her face, but she swats his hand and glares, “From now on I won’t give my opponents a choice when and where we fight, it makes things more...interesting.” The magician reveals at the thought. 

Oh how magnificent our fight will be, Y/N

“As for the troupe, I plan on hunting them down,” he moves closer to her ear and then whispers, like a promise between two lovers, “one. by. one.” 

Leaning back to see her cold exterior crumble was a sight to see. Her eyes, wide and shocked, looked like a doe in headlights. Her mouth, deliciously agape, felt tempting to touch. There he was, powerful and sadistic Hisoka, toying with whether he should worship the woman in front of him or break her. 

Decision, decisions. 

“Either way I’m going to need someone to rip their hearts out with.” 

Oh~, this is where the fun begins <3

[juminsmysticmc]

Listen

MC...teaching Jumin meme culture

That's all imma say and you can add the rest

You want cuddles? Check

Lots of kisses? Check?

Jumin trying and failing to send a meme to MC and the RFA? Check?

More cuddles and kisses? Double check

A failed attempt where Jumin tries to quote a vien but inatead mixes two up and ends up being something else entirely? Check

Just make it so sweet that we all get diabetes ;D

Mc teaching Jumin the Meme Culture 

Okay, so I had some other requests before this but I knew that it would take me some time to get this one finished so I started with this one first because I also didn’t know what memes were ( and the requester had to explain what vien is so RIP ) This is inspired by my beta reader ( thanks baby ) and no, I didn’t get paid for using the card name ,,what do you meme?’’

Tell me if you enjoyed this One Shot! It was a nice challenge LOL

You were sitting on your couch, going through an Instagram meme page when Jumin heard you chuckle to yourself. Your husband decided to check on you. He wanted to know what could possibly make his wife laugh and chuckle to herself. The black haired man looked over your shoulders, his eyes on your phone display as you were scrolling down. He could see a girl that was probably six years old. The girl was smiling and in the background a house was on fire. Jumin slowly began to read what the picture said, ,,When they say that anime is for children’’ Jumin didn’t quite understand what a house on fire had to do with Japanese animation, but he didn’t say anything until you somehow noticed that there was warmth on your back. You turned your head around just to see your husband behind you. ,,Jumin, you made me panic for a second. Is everything okay?’’ you asked him and looked him deep into his eyes. The look of concern made him go soft as he brushed your cheek.

,,Yes, my love. Everything is fine. I was just wondering why you were reading these odd picture captions,’’ he told you and kept staring at your phone. Once again, you chuckled and rubbed with your hand on his arm. ,,Jumin, these aren’t some captions. It’s a meme. You don’t know what memes are?’’ you asked him and couldn’t stop smiling. Your husband shook his head. Once again, he wasn’t up to date… but before he could even feel bad, you pulled him over. He walked around the couch to sit next to you, your hand on his leg as you moved closer to him. Your soft lips touched his cheek as you mumbled in his ear that it was okay ,,For once, I can teach you something,’’ you giggled. ,,My love,’’ Jumin began and stroked your hair with his big manly hand. You looked at him and waited for him to talk to you. ,,You already taught me so many things. You taught me love, happiness, how to relax... I hope you’re not serious,’’ he smiled and then looked back to your phone’s display.

,,So, basically memes are pictures like these and… wait,’’ you sighed and opened google, asking ,,What’s a meme?’’ You quickly hit the button for research and then read out loud what the first page said. ,,An image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by internet users, often with slight variations,’’ you said and looked at him, who seemed to understand. Then you opened Instagram again and scrolled through your phone. This time, a blonde young toddler was seen in a car seat looking disgusted. Jumin read the caption and somehow had to chuckle, but it was odd that people really had time for this.

,,You know! We should invite Zen, Yoosung, Seven and Jaehee. I have a game that’s called ,,’What do you MEME?’ and I think that it could help you to understand memes better!’’ you called out. Well, without waiting for an answer you quickly wrote the RFA what you were planning and… Well, they all had different reactions…

New Chat opened - Help Jumin Han to understand Memes

Mc: Guys, come here and play ,,What would you meme?’’ with us. I just found out that my hubby doesn’t know what memes are

707: on my way

this is gong to be funny

going

Yoosung: I should study but…

I NEED TO RELAX TOO

I’ll come

707: I’ll come and pick you up yoosung boyyy

I will be able to play with elly

Mc: we will keep her save in our room and go downstairs so that Zen doesn’t get an allergic reaction ;)

Zen: You care about me… you should leave him. He doesn’t even know what memes are

Jaehee: Zen, you should care about your career…

besides it’s not nice to try to manipulate a married woman

I will come. I need to analyze this game too

Mc: come here quickly you all :)

MC left the chat

And so it was that you quickly prepared some snacks, took out your old game, and waited for your friends to arrive. When everyone arrived, you finally took your game and mixed the two different samples of cards. ,,I will begin!’’ you giggled happily, making Jumin look more at you than paying attention to the game ,,When u realize that the song u always keep skipping is actually fire,’’ you said and then pulled another card, pulling that one with the house on fire. The RFA and you began to laugh and managed to make Jumin have fun too, as well as possibly understand the game and memes a bit better.

,,When ur parents say that you spend too much time on the phone,’’ Zen said and pulled a card ,,This one fits perfectly,’’ he said, turning over the card, making Yoosung clap in agreement. It was indeed a nice evening and everyone enjoyed playing with you and Jumin. Jumin himself noticed that he would like to play that game once again… The evening passed and you were on Jumin’s lap, your arms around his neck as you nuzzled your head on his soft skin, inhaling his manly scent. ,,I want some kisses, some ,,you did well kisses,’’ he mumbled. And whatever he wanted, you gave it to him, kissing him with all your love, hugging him even tighter as if you would fall off any second…

The next morning you woke up, Jumin already left, but a chat was opened by him. The next chat already explained what happened.

Zen: I think our hard work was in vain. The trust fund kid still doesn’t know how to make a meme.

Yoosung: Mc, you’re beautiful while you sleep, lolol

707: That’s against privacy. Should I call the police for you?

Zen: They will put him in prison for failing at making meme, not taking a pic of his wife.

Mc: *inserts a picture of a puppy with an angry face saying ,,when dumb people make fun of your husband*  

And then you left the chat.

It didn’t take long until Jumin came home that night and hugged you for a long time, embarrassed by what he did, but you could make him feel better by hugging him, rubbing his back and giving him a lot of kisses on his nose, cheek, lips and eyes.

,,Maybe we should use vines,’’ you smiled and showed him the app with the funny videos.

The next failure was soon to come.

Jumin: ,,Welcome to Radio T T T T T T T T T T ARGET,’’

Yoosung: I think…

Vines are still too difficult for you, Mr Han XD

Zen: This… Mc, please, do something

707: I should give you a lesson

Mc: I think that my husband is perfect the way he is. I think it’s funny

With that you once again climbed on top of your husband and kissed him deeply on his lips because it was okay. ,,You’re special. This makes it funnier,’’ you laughed and hugged him, putting your head on his chest.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

05.04.2021// 12:31 MEST

[vesuvian-american-fics]

better with time. Ch 2

less than favorable. 

As you become more acquainted with Captain Levi, finding him unpleasant is quite the understatement. (AO3)

Words: 1,858

A bead of sweat rolled down your forehead as you stared back at the man before you. He was short in stature but nevertheless very intimidating. His pale fair skin looked even more porcelain in contrast to his shiny raven black hair that was styled so neatly, his thin brown drawn together in a frown, his dark eyes narrowing as the silence drew on.  

He kicked the bars of your cell harshly, making you jump violently, pressing yourself further into the corner until you couldn’t retreat any further.

“Answer me when I speak to you.” He ordered. There was another pause before you remembered what he asked you. Who are you? You racked your mind for the answer, and as you opened your mouth to finally respond you found no noise followed.  

You grasped tightly at your throat at the realization. Where is your voice?! Panic making your tremble you tried to speak again and still, no sound.

“Oi! Enough with the games.” He said, losing his patience rather quickly. You shook your head wildly and pointed to your neck until he seemed to catch on.  

“You can’t speak?” Levi cocked his brow at you, unamused as he didn’t believe your story. You nodded your head fast and tried again to speak, your heart rate picking up. Why now, why can’t you speak? Maybe going for who knows how long without speaking did a number on your vocal cords, weakening them to the point you were mute.  

Levi sucked his teeth in annoyance and without another word, he left and you listened closely as he ascending the stairs that were just out of your line of sight. So, you were underground huh? That explains why it’s so chilly down here. The minutes passed, the silence did nothing to alleviate your mounting anxiety. Without warning, loud rushed stomping sounds cascaded down the stairs at alarming speed. Fear crawled up your spine, as your eyes darted around for any place to hide. Just as you were about to throw yourself underneath the sheets on your bed, a childish effort really, two hands gripped onto the bars of your cell harshly.

“You’re awake!” They exclaimed, pushing they’re head between the bars to get a closer look at you. You froze, slowly craning your neck to look behind you and see who sounded so eager to see you. A brunette that wore thick glasses, eyes sparkling with interest and a feverish blush spreading across their tanned cheeks.  

Your face twisted in confusion, your eyes slid over to the man that stood next to this new character and back to the brunette.  

“What’s your name?” They shouted; you could practically feel the excitement flowing off of them in waves. It was refreshing though you were still on guard with this situation you found yourself in.  

You thought for a moment before drawing a blank. You shrugged your shoulders, before looking sheepishly between to two people before you. You don’t remember your name, really. You felt your heart drop, the more you tried to remember the more holes in your memory that you discovered.

“Oh...” They sounded a bit disappointed in that, but quickly bounced back.

“I’m Hange Zoë, and this is Captain Levi." Finally, having names for the two calmed you just a bit. Hange seemed kind, much more refreshing than their grumpy counterpart.  

Levi huffed, seeming not too keen on the fact that you know his name now. You frowned at that before returned your attention to Hange.

“I hear you lost your voice?” They said, more focused on the task at hand now. They took a step back from your cell and retrieved a notepad and pen from their lab coat, ready to record anything.

You nodded in response, before sitting yourself on your bed. From there, Hange continued to question you, and you attempting to answer the best you could.  

“Why don’t you give her the notepad so she can actually give a proper response, idiot.” Levi suggested, a tired look in his eye. He must have grown bored with the game of charades before him. The idea wasn’t so bad, you had to admit, it would make things a lot easier and you were excited to finally explain your side of the story in detail.  

Without waiting for a response, Levi snatched the pen and notepad from Hange’s grip and tossed them into the cell. Of course, he couldn’t give you the respect of handing it off to your properly. You shot him a glare before dropping to your knees to collect the items, sitting back on your bed you huff at his actions before looking at the page before you.

Hange’s handwriting, you couldn’t read a single word of it, and not just because of how sloppy it was. The words looked completely foreign to you and yet you still knew it was your language. You just couldn’t understand a single thing, and then you realized something else. If you didn’t know how to read anymore, how could you write? Your mind was empty, frustration boiling inside. Just how many skills did you lose in your time as a titan?

You balled up your fists and brought them to your head, giving yourself a few good whacks before attempting to read again. Still, nothing was coming to you. Angry tears clouded your vision, you looked back up to Hange and tossed your hands into the air in defeat.  

Hange’s eyebrows rose in alarm.  

“You can't, speak, you can’t read, and you can’t write?” They asked inquisitively. Feeling dejected you nodded your head as you wiped your tears on your blouse. Slowly you rose from where you were seated and handed off the notepad and pen back to Hange. Understanding and kind as they seemed to be, Hange placed a hand on your shoulder, rubbing minute circles there with their thumb.  

“Don’t look so sad, this just makes it all the more fun for me to figure you out!” They said, that was more so good news for themself than for you but still, it made you smile and silently chuckle. This was still leagues better than being a titan, and surely, with time you can easily relearn these skills.

Levi rolled his eyes before stalking out of the basement. Halfway up the stairs he turned back to Hange and spoke.  

“Get her a bath, she looks like shit.” He spat before you heard, rather than saw him ascend the rest of the stares. Your mouth fell open at his insult, the nerve of that guy. He was so rude and off putting. You hated him!  

Hange laughed a bit at your reaction before unlocking your cell and leading you up the stairs and towards the washroom. On the way you passed a large room where many other people sat, eating and talking amongst themselves. Your eyes scanned over their faces and none of them noticed your presence in the moment your walked across the doorway. That is until your eyes locked on a pair of vibrant emerald eyes. In that split moment, there felt like there was a secret understanding between the two of you, it was unnerving but just as quickly as you saw him, you were pulled away further down the corridor.

Finally, at the end of the hall you were met with a large wooden tub. It had been so long since you’ve taken a proper bath and the steaming water that was waiting for you looked to be so inviting. You were snapped from your thoughts as Hange spoke.

“For safety purposes, I won't be leaving.” Hange stated matter-of-factly, they almost looked more eager than you. You scrunched your face at the lack of privacy but you understood. At least there was a partition so you could undress with a little peace of mind.  

Sliding into the bath water you silently sighed, hearing the splashing of water die down, Hange turned around to face you once more. In their hand was a bottle of a fragrant liquid, seeing the confusion in your expression they explained.  

“Shampoo. I'm sure you want your hair washed free of all that titan gunk.” You grinned, bobbing your head up and down in appreciation and agreement. Little did you know just how rough Hange’s hands would turn out to be.

<3

Levi decided to check up on Hange seeing at they still hadn’t brought you back down to the cellar. Fearing the worst, he rushed into the washroom without knocking and there he found you, still in the bath fighting to keep your head above water as Hange torturously scrubbed your scalp.  

Your arms flailed around as they tried in vain to find purchase against the rim of the tub and hold yourself up. Hange, too busy talking your ear off hadn’t noticed you struggling underneath their ministrations. Hange often got lost in their own world when they discussed titans, science, and their research, it was their favorite past time. Levi found it secretly amusing but he didn’t want you drowning at Hange’s hand, at least not before he figured you out.

“Oi! Keep scrubbing like that and she won’t have any hair left on her head.” He interjected, making Hange jump as they hadn’t even realized Levi had entered the room.  

“O-oh! Sorry!” Hange snatched their calloused hands from your head and your you winced as your caressed your scalp after that wicked assault. Flustered at how carried away they got Hange pat your head apologetically, before helping your stand. Levi quickly turned his back to you, giving you privacy before barking out another order.  

“Clean this place up too, don’t want her germs infecting the place.” He said was he waved his hand around lazily, gesturing to your filthy clothes that littered the floor.  You huffed at his attitude before wrapping a towel around your frame, and hiding behind the partition as you waited for Hange to find you new fresh clothes. Two sets of footsteps left you alone in the washroom, and not long after, you heard Hange rush back inside with a new blouse and skirt for you to wear.  

“Sorry about that again.” Hange said as they scratched nervously at the back of their head, you waved off their apology before dressing yourself. Taking a look at yourself in the mirror you smiled at the outfit before reaching for your boots and lacing them up. Just as you did, your stomach growled loudly, your face growing hot in embarrassment at the sound. How many years has it been since you had a proper meal?

One that wasn’t human flesh that is.

Hange chuckled before patting your back roughly, knocking the wind out of you.

“No worries, I'll bring you food down to your cell! We don’t serve human though, sorry.” They poked at your side and laughed at their own joke as you pouted and shot Hange a playful glare. Your expression softened though, Hange didn’t seem to be afraid of you, and though you were in less than favorable circumstances, you felt you may end up having a little bit of fun here.  

[angelkurenai]

Imagine going hiking and Dean accidently hearing you sing to the mountains, and he's desperate to find an owner to such beautiful voice.

“If you ask me, it's rather obvious what we're dealing here with and it won't take much time. But it's always to be better safe than sorry, so I'm thinking we should head once more to-” Sam's rambling was cut short as he looked up from his small notebook only to realize his brother wasn't paying the slightest attention to him “Dean?” he asked without really expecting, or getting, a reaction.

And as if that wasn't enough, he didn't seem to be willing to hide it in the least bit, his eyes trained on his food with a deep frown set on his face as he played around with it. It was that exact fact, and the one that most of his plate was still full which was very concerning if Sam took into consideration that this was his brother that wasn't eating, besides the lack of concentration or talking from his part that prevented Sam from teasing him or even trying to act angry at his brother's clear lack of interest in the case, or anything else if he really thought about it.

“Dean?” he tried to insist once more without much result.

“Dean!” this time it got his brother to blink his eyes several times and get back to reality and Sam didn't know whether it was the tone in his voice or the fact that he had to snap his finger's in front of Dean's face. So long as it got the job done.

“Wh- huh what?” Dean frowned at his brother, voice more gruff than it should be and Sam assumed that the lack of sleep was showing on both his face and voice now.

“I-” he parted his lips but stopped himself from saying anything for a couple seconds “Are you ok, Dean? You've been a little off almost ever since last night. You got... lost in the woods and after I found you, you've been acting... weird.”

“Look-” Dean sighed a little agitated “If you wanna test me, I'm right here, do your thing. But as I told you last night and this morning, at least three times, I have not been abducted or possessed or enchanted or anything. Not in a supernatural way at least.” again another sigh as he looked away “Don't give me that look, ok? It's annoying. Besides, I told you, I got a little distracted yesterday but that's al-”

“Distracted?” Sam raised an eyebrow “You got distracted in the freaking mountains? By what? The shape of the rocks?”

“I mean-” he paused, shrugging almost childishly and definitely unconvincingly in a way he did more often than not when there was something that he was hiding Sam, something not life threatening or dangerous, and that made Sam relax a bit more “Rocks are pretty interesting dude.” and that, they both knew, was his lamest excuse that Sam found himself relaxing a lot more to the point he chuckled.

“Wow that's-” Sam blinked several times “That's too much, even for you. No, seriously, are you going to tell me what it was? Because I know real well I was the only one looking for our monster on that mountain but you had not been busy admiring rocks.”

“What are you gonna start judging my hobbies now? It's so bad, all of a sudden, that I find new interests but you can have any nerdy hobby you want in this family?” Dean fended himself weakly, apparently, because of the loo Sam gave him. That made Dean sigh and roll his eyes. “Look, it was nothing dude. It's hard to explain, yes, but I'm completely fine and I am completely me. Just drop it, alright? Get back on the case and rambling, I'll try to keep up and get back on track soon.” hard to explain didn't even begin to cover it in his mind, mostly because it wasn't all easy to explain with logic and therefore his mind wasn't the only player in this game; it was his heart too.

How could he even begin to explain to Sam that he had gotten so distracted by someone singing? How could he even begin to describe that he had really been that enchanted, that mystified, but it was really not in a supernatural way? He couldn't say that he had gotten carried away listening to the woman, it was clearly a female voice, sing so beautifully he had almost forgotten his name, not to mention the reason why he was in the mountains to begin with. He couldn't say that he had even dreamed of said voice, singing to him the same song he had heard yesterday in the mountains and could clearly remember the lyrics to even now. Maybe also because he had looked for it up, though he would never admit to it, just like he wouldn't admit that he hadn't fund any of the singers (covers or not) to be able to match up to the voice he heard.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the nightsky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough Never be enough

It was his favorite part and he couldn't even believe he had a favorite part.

He couldn't admit that he had been trying to put a face to that voice so bad, he couldn't admit that he had been wondering and needing and aching to hear more of the singing, more of the voice, in the same and different songs. He couldn't admit that he had felt all the things he did just by hearing a song, he couldn't admit that the emotion put in the lyrics by the singer had also affected him this much. He couldn't admit that the reason he had been late and that had made Sam look for him, thinking he had been lost or worse, was because Dean had spent all that time looking for the person behind the voice. He could feel the heat of the blush down to his neck at the thought that it looked like something out of the cheesiest fairytale but it had been true, more true than he too could believe, and so were his feelings so he could defend them if need be. But he wasn't looking for an excuse for that.

Besides, he felt moody enough – and disappointed – this morning that he didn't feel up to explaining everything to his brother.

“Right now, I'm just sleepy that's all.” he mumbled, slightly as an afterthought but mostly to try to keep himself focused “Seems I-” he paused briefly, looking around the cafe and pursing his lips in a way that showed his displeasure “Haven't had my coffee yet. Or enough of it.”

Big mistake, because the moment his stopped their path around the small cafe and landed back on his brother, he saw the realization dawn on him. His eyebrows raise slightly and if it wasn't for the knowing quirk of his lips and the relaxed expression on both his body and face he might have thought for just a second that he was off the hook. Clearly, he wasn't.

“So that's what it is huh?” Sam asked before shaking his head with a laugh. He didn't know, of course, but that was no better yet. Because he didn't know the one reason out of the two to his lack of focus. “You like her that much huh?”

“What?” he said it through a mouthful that he took a little too fast to avoid looking at his brother but oh well. His brother figured one of the two reasons in 0.5 seconds so any effort would be in vain.

As long as he didn't know how saddened he was by

“You know what.” the smile on Sam's lips only got bigger “That waitress we met two days ago, the one that works here and the reason why you're here for everyday ever since. And don't try to deny it, you're terrible at it today.” he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him despite Dean's best (read: worst) effort to avoid eye-contact and give anything away by eating as much as he could.

“I really don't get what you're trying to say, Sam. I mean-” he laughed, nervously, as he tried to swallow over his food because of the look his brother gave him “I haven't even managed to look up from my plate. How could I have noticed (Y/n)'s not here this morning even though her shift has supposedly started half an hour ago? I haven't-” but Dean paused when he noticed the surprise on Sam's face and realized his mistake.

“Honestly?” Sam tried to keep himself from laughing but as expected failed “It's really best if you eat instead of speak. Wow.” he blinked, shaking his head “Well, at least that explains it.”

Dean's lips parted as he prepared to speak back and defend at least what was left of his dignity but then all words died out in his lips when he heard the small laugh next to him that he knew all-too-well and that he would have been too embarrassed to hear in such a situation so close, especially after what had been said, but he was too relieved to care about that. Besides, he was going to make Sam pay for it by, oh let's say, ask him to stay a day or two or ten after the case was over as a favor for all this.

“Honestly if I had known I'd be this sought after I might have asked for a raise sooner.” he heard your voice and noticed you filling up his cup before he looked up to see you there and felt his smile become ten times bigger when he saw you looking at him with a soft smile of yours “Hey Dean.” he took great pleasure in the few seconds of you just focusing on him until Sam cleared his throat and you snapped out of it and smiled, albeit a little apologetically, at Sam “Hello Sam.”

“Good morning, (Y/n). Seems like you've been running a bit late today according to my brother here, everything alright?”

“Oh absolutely fine, it's just that some mornings I tend to help in the kitchen when the cook's running late you see.” you explained “I hope everything is to your liking so far?” you asked but your eyes once more trailed to Dean and with a smile on his face Sam nodded his head with a hum.

“Just great, though I think the company is not to someone's preference today. I might have to leave early, visit the library and all, you think you can keep Dean some company?” he asked so innocently, yet not to Dean who knew him, which only made the older Winchester's head snap in his direction faster than ever before; eyes wide in horror.

“Oh I'm sure I could spend my break with him, no problem, though it might be quick. We have the weekly karaoke night tonight so I might have some extra work to do. If that's alright?” you asked hopefully.

“Karaoke night? Didn't know you had that.” Dean blinked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, the cafe obviously works at night and we make sure to organize karaokes and parties at least three times a week. This month boss is more busy so we're down to once a week but that doesn't stop me or any of the customers from taking over the stage till the early morning. You could-” you paused to glance at a couple who asked to pay at a table nearby and gave them a nod “You could always come by then too? If you're free.” you suggested softly and Dean didn't even hesitate to give a nod which made you beam at him.

“Lovely.” you said “If you'll excuse me for a second, I got work to do but I'll be right back. And if you need anything else just ask.”

“Well that went better than you could have expected or achieved on your own to be honest. So-” Sam paused to give his brother a smile “Your welcome.”

“Better? Oh really? Why didn't you tell her 'Hey (Y/n) my brother's an idiot and too much of a coward to ask you out, why don't you do it yourself?' huh? That would have been less desperate.” Dean only glared.

“Alright, I'll try that next time.” Sam simply shrugged, focusing back on his noted before Dean had the chance to say anything else. The older Winchester only rolled his eyes and with a shake of his head and feeling much more light went to actually eating an enjoying his food.

Without the distraction of his thoughts and worries about your absence he could admit it was much easier. Certainly, there was always the mystery girl in his mind and her signing that he couldn't get over much as he tried but it wasn't as if he could do anything about it anymore. Miracles didn't happen and it was already very close to that that you had agreed to spend your break with him like in a date, alright he hoped it was like that and that was maybe an even greater miracle than finding the owner of the voice. He couldn't just walk around the town looking for her nor could sit here and expect her to start singing out of nowh-

His thoughts – and he was pretty sure, breathing and entire fuctioning-like-a-human-being – came to a startling halt when he heard it. First a very low murmur but then sure some words, a tune, lyrics to a song with a voice and tone he recognized all too well... he realized like a fool from two places. The mountain and this very cafe.

Slowly but also with a sort of giddiness he couldn't explain, he turned in his seat to look behind him in the direction from which the singing was coming from and he wasn't surprised, only because he really felt in shock anymore, to realize that it was coming from your direction and even more specifically from you. You were singing and you were singing that very same song in the very same way as you were cleaning the table after the couple had left.

“Never enough”

Well, maybe miracles did happen.

[bigpeepee]

as somebody who grew up with an actual narcissistic family member (big oof i can tell you), Loki is a narcissist in like, the most superficial of ways only. He plays at being this uncaring self centered egotist but he's so obviously compassionate at his core that even he can't keep the illusion/self protection mechanism up when things really get going. He fundamentally does care about other people and he can't help himself.

I always considered Mobius's 'you're a massive narcissist' comment just as a potshot, why not hit below the belt to make Loki really feel in the moment, an assholish but very human thing to do.

And Loki himself saying it in the time prison was just him saying what he thought was wanted. Person close to you just called you that - maybe admitting it and acknowledging that's what you are is whats wanted sort of thing. Accidentally incredibly manipulative, but it's not like Mobius was overseeing for that result :(

Anyway I think it's very easy for people not following the deeper strings and to take the narcissism comments at face value, bc at face value, that's basically what Loki wants. A mask that's even tricking the audience lmao bc i can tell you if he actually was You Would Fucking Hate Him, they are intolerable people.

game theory voice but that's just my interpretation !

EXACTLY.

yeah, loki's facade is vain, and the walls he built around himself make him act egotistically. that's not narcissism. he cares. deeply. he cared too much and it hurt too much and at some point you have to start pretending that you don't care if you want the pain to stop.

yes, mobius called him a narcissist, but what mobius said in that context is not reliable. he wasn't exactly calm and collected. just compare how mad he was with how he acted later on with ravonna, who had tried to kill him. he's extremely distressed. he is hurt and he's trying to hurt back. and in a very loose sense the word is fitting, i mean in the etymological sense of Narcissus falling in love with himself. it's not absurd for him in that context to use that word, it doesn't mean that loki is a narcissist.

and it also makes perfect sense that loki would "admit" to be a narcissist, not only because it's what he thinks it's what they want him to say, but because he probably believes it. he does things for attention because he never received the love and attention he needed and deserved. but he still hasn't realised that he deserves love (and sif's words aren't helping). so what's the logical explaination? why do i do things for attention? why do i try to from people something that's not for me to have (attention, love, approval, praise)? oh, right. easy. because i'm the bad guy, like everyone says. because i'm a narcissist, like he said.

[queenofthefallenangels]

Think Twice Part 15

Jon Moxley/ Dean Ambrose x OC X Seth Rollins 

Rated: M

Warnings: None just sadly not much Jon. 

Tag: @abadamn​

Aria

My walk home was flooded by memories and flashbacks. Everything that I had still forgotten was coming back. Everything with Dean, from the kiss to my crush on him. He was the one who I always wanted to date, but I never thought he would give me the time of day. Back before we became friends, he was sort of a player. He had tons of girls on his arm. I was nothing like those girls. They were sexy and loved to show off their bodies. They had confidence in themselves. They also didn’t live in their father’s shadows all the time. They were the perfect girls for him. Now, I don’t even deserve him. His smooth freshly shaved skin had now grown into his beard. I couldn’t tell which I liked him more. I had to say there was something about him with a beard that I just could get enough of. Something about it just made him seem more masculine and manly.  It felt even better down there. 

I still couldn’t believe I had been fooled by him. He barely changed his look. It was how he knew my favorite flower and called me, kitten. The only other person to call me kitten was Dean. I rarely even heard that pet name outside of him and maybe a couple of books. It was why I felt special when Dean gave it to me. I was the only one that he called that. I was his kitten.

I sighed, feeling tears in my eyes again. I had gone home and changed clothes from last night into black leggings and an old baggy t-shirt. I didn’t bother to do my makeup. I knew I was going to be crying on and off all day. I called into work and took another day off. I knew I was going to need it after the morning I had. I wouldn’t be able to get an ounce of work done.  I didn’t want to believe that what Dean had said in the letter had been true. Seth couldn’t have been a part of my father’s death, right? There was no way that he could. I hoped so badly that Dean was wrong about what had happened between them. 

The walk to Seth’s gym felt longer than usual. I couldn’t stop crying the whole way there. Once I walked up to the building, I did my best to clean myself up, wiping my eyes before heading in. It had been in vain though, as soon as I walked into the class that Seth was teaching and saw him there, I felt like crying all over again. He had his long black hair pulled back into a low bun. He wore a shirt with the sleeves cut out of them and some blue basketball shorts. His attention was fixed on his students. I sat back in the back, trying my best to blend in. It had been a while since I saw him teach a class. Most likely right before my accident so over a year. It was one thing I could tell that he loved. It didn’t even matter what he was teaching or what age group, he loved to do it. Fitness was something he took seriously and he liked to help others take it seriously too. He always pushed me to eat better and join one of his crazy diets with him. He would say that there is nothing wrong with me, but it wouldn’t hurt to eat healthily. I always hated his diets, because he never believed in a cheat day. I craved all the foods that he never wanted me to eat. He would tell me how they have too many fats or it was too late to be eating that. I hated him sometimes for it, but I knew it was for my own good.  

His eyes flickered to me. “Alright guys, I am going to let you off early today. You guys did some good work today.” He dismissed his class before he walked towards where I was standing. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your class.” 

He shook his head, “Nonsense, you are always welcome.” He said kissing my forehead. I did my best to not cringe at his touch. “Would you like to go to my office to talk about what is going on?” He said as he whipped a loose tear from his eyes. I nodded. He touched my waist as he led me to his office. On his way to the office, he stopped and grabbed a water bottle. He opened the door for me as I stepped inside. It was only a week ago, but it felt longer for some reason since I had been in his office. I didn’t want to think about what happened last time. 

Seth crossed off to his desk, sitting on the edge. “So, what brings you here, Aria?” He asked before taking a big drink. 

I opened my mouth, but it suddenly had become dry, “I found out some things today.” I took a deep breath. “How long have you known about Dean?” 

He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean Dean?” He asked his question carefully. His eyes stayed on mine. “I thought he was in Ohio or something.” 

“Don’t play games with me, Seth. I know you know who Eli really is. That’s why you warned me to not go near him. I always wondered how you could possibly know him. You haven’t really been around the ring in a while. Unless that was a lie too. I wouldn’t put it past you.”  

Watch your mouth.” Seth snapped. “I apologized for all the wrong that I have done to you. How many more times are you going to bring it up just to force me to apologize?” 

“Until it sounds like you mean it,” I snapped back. “Why did you keep his secret for him if you are so against him? Unless,” I said as I reached into my bag. “Unless he had a secret about you that could ruin your chances with me ever again.” I slammed the note on the desk. “I cannot believe you would do such a thing.” 

Seth took the note and read it. I could see the anger turn into something else. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it might be remorseful. “Aria, there is a lot you don’t understand about that.” He began, but I quickly shut him down. 

“So, you killed him. You and Charles killed my father.” The tears were coming up again in my eyes. “How-how could you do that to me? Were you that hell-bent on getting control of me that you would kill the only family I had left?” 

He shook his head, “No, of course not. Aria, this wasn’t about me trying to gain control of our relationship. This was about me protecting you.” 

“Protecting me? Protecting me from what?” 

“My father!” Seth said as he stood from the desk. He walked over to where I was sitting and got down on his knees. He was eye level with me. When I tried to look away, he forced me back to look at him. His finger hooked with the bottom of my chin pulling my back to his dark brown eyes. “He wanted to hurt you. Your father was thinking about leaving us and taking you with him. My father had a lot riding on this. He thought if he could hurt you, it would make him reconsider. I begged him not to do it. I couldn’t stand the idea of something happening to you. It wouldn’t be pretty. I wanted you to be safe. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you.” 

“What about the car accident?” I asked. I was trying to put all the pieces of this puzzle together. I felt like I was trying to put two different puzzles together with no boxes, but all the pieces were in the same pile. 

“That hit was meant for Dean. It was never meant for you. I hated myself that you got hurt by that.” He rubbed his thumb against my chin. “I never knew that you would be going near him that night.” 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I stood up from where I was sitting. “That doesn’t change the fact that you went after him. For what? What did he do to you? Was it because you found out about the kiss? His feelings?” 

“It should have been,” Seth growled low. “It should have been all of that. I told you a million times to stay away from him. Did you listen? No. You said that he would never do anything that interferes with our relationship. Well, imagine my surprise when I am right that he would do something and you should have stayed away in the first place. This note proves it.” He said taking the note off the desk and throwing it at me. “Aria, all I have ever wanted to do is protect you from getting hurt.” 

“Well, you should have protected me from you!” I snapped. “You hurt me in ways that I can’t begin to explain. You did it so easily that you would think that you enjoyed hurting me. First the cheating and now my father. Do you even see how this could hurt me in so many ways? Then hiding it all with your stupid lies.  I wouldn’t have been even able to see all this if it wasn’t for..” I stopped. How could I be so blind to all of this?   

“And, what if I told you that some of those stories about me cheating were made up by someone who was jealous that I got you first?” He crossed his arms leaning against the desk. “The only one that is real is Becky. That one I will say sorry for. The rest are lies.” 

“How do I know that?” I said. I didn’t want to believe him. 

“Well, did you have any proof? You had proof of Becky. It was right there on my phone. Which you would have never even thought of looking at, if Alexa didn’t fill your head with lies and tell you to leave me.” 

“What are you getting at, Seth?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Think, Aria, Think. The same people who want you to think I am the bad guy are the same ones who lied to you and made up this whole charade with Dean being Jon. Dean basically tricked you into bed with him.” 

I shook my head. “He said it was a mistake. He didn’t think it would happen.” 

Seth tsked softly at me. “Of course he is going to tell you that. No man will admit they planned to trick someone into having sex with them. That would be horrible. Dean wants to be the good guy here. That’s why he makes me look like the bad guy.” 

I froze thinking for a moment. Then I looked up at him, looking him dead in the eyes. “You tricked me. You have been trying to trick me into coming back in your office so that we can fuck and make up already.” I held up my hand when I saw him try to speak. “You are the bad guy though. I am not saying Dean is the good guy in all of this, but you still had a hand in my father’s death. I didn’t forget this. You tried to trick me. You are always trying to trick me. You killed my father and messed with my memory.” 

“I also didn’t wear protection last time we had sex.” 

I stopped, “What? What does that have to do with anything? I am on the…” 

“Pill. You left it at my house. Funny, I don’t think that works if you don’t take it every day at the exact same time. It has been a long time since you were at my house taking it on the regular.” 

“You tricked me again. You tried to knock me up!” My fist clenched though I was trying to resist the urge to smack him across the face. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. How blind I had been to everyone and everything. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore. Seth could still be right about a lot, but it was hard to tell what was a lie and what the truth was within him. The lines were so thin. It didn’t even matter if he was telling the truth or not. He still helped kill my father and tried to trick my memory.

“Well, I mean we got a couple of weeks before the signs of pregnancy start. You don’t know if you had the baby yet or not.” 

I shook my head in dismay. “I cannot believe it.” I turned to walk out the door. 

“I am giving you a family, isn’t that the one thing that you always wanted. You always wanted a family.” 

“You took my family away from me, Seth! You killed my father. I don’t even care why anymore.” 

“It was an acc-” 

“Save it,” I said, stopping him in his tracks. “I don’t care what it was. It was the worst thing you could ever do to me. Baby or no baby, we are never going to get back together.” I marched out of the office. I didn’t want to know the details anymore. It wasn’t worth the heartbreak over. I was better off not knowing why my father had to die. 

Now there was a bigger problem, where was I going to go tonight? I couldn’t stand to look at Alexa after everything that came out. I needed some time away from everyone. I knew I would have to see her at work, but that was enough for me right now. I needed more alone time. I stopped at the bus stop so that I could get to the nearest hotel...at least for tonight.

[the-silentium]

Lost Future Pt. 3

Masterlist

Pairing: soulmate!Five Hargreeves x Reader

Summary: Soulmate AU where the soulmates share their wounds. || Along with your brother, you are transported into the 1960's with a bunch of kids you don't know. Turns out they are trying to stop the 2019 apocalypse and you are playing a key part of it.

Words: 6600 words

Warnings: Violence, swears, angst, fluff, mention of death, mention of illness, blood. 

A/N: I finally finished it! I hope you like this last part of our two little soulmates story! Don’t forget to leave your reactions in the comments!

Every Hargreeves and Beauchamps were gathered around the bunker’s table, reviewing the last details of the plan that would preserve humanity after April 1st, 2019 came around. Everything was perfect, you were at your best, Vanya was ready for her part to come, Five had successfully located a team of operations agents and had abducted one of the duo, teleporting him to the woods to beat the shit out of him and remove its tracker. After his messy handy work, he teleported the Commission assassin to the bunker, where you would take possession of the man and play his role. 

“See ya soon.” You smiled confidently at your friends and brother. If you were unsure of your capacity to bring this mission to success, now you were pumped and ready to kick asses. You approached your target but were intercepted on your way by lips colliding with yours. The shock froze you on the spot, ironic considering that your body temperature was rising at an incredible speed. To your disappointment, you didn’t have the time to recover and reciprocate the affection that said lips parted from yours. 

“Be careful.” You admired how his exterior was a flawless portrait of calm despite how agitated you could see his soul. Five’s soul was a dark charcoal grey traveled by black thin and irregular stripes, no doubt because of his time as an assassin. Its jagged edges added to the menacing picture that was your soulmate's soul, but despite it being one of the darkest you've ever seen, you never feared it. 

During your first training on Five, you were intrigued by the strange soul. In your life, you've never seen one react as Five's did. When you approached, its sharp edges were clearly trying to intimidate you and keep you away at all costs. It all changed when you tenderly touched the dark flame, its form creeping around your fingers, tugging you closer. Everywhere your own soul would touch his, the nearby dark strings regressed until disappearing completely and creating little white spots here and there. You could feel the change into Five's body, the relaxation, the lightness and the feeling of belonging. 

Usually, you would keep the soul to soul contact to a minimum, the intimacy of the thing being too intrusive, but with Five, his need mixed with your desire made your hands wander. You stroked his soul like you would his cheek, enveloped your arms around the defenseless flame who crashed against your form and kissed the remaining dark spots away. Five's mind has never been as peaceful as it was in this moment, the feeling of being home was so warming and appeasing that he followed you like a moth followed a light whenever you tried to separate yourself from him. 

“Will you still love me at the end of all this?” His insecurities were out only for you to see.

“Forever. I promise.” You didn’t know what he thought would scare you away, you just knew that nothing could change your feelings for him. 

It was a good thing that the first sessions were one on one. It allowed you to pass time with him without worrying about the others snooping around and mocking how their brother became tender. 

"Always." You smiled and turned to your target. Andrew positioned himself right behind you, ready to catch your falling body while you concentrated on the agent's soul. 

You pushed the light grey flame to the back of… Zachary's body and took control. With your new training, the usual nausea was now a slight dizziness and you were up and walking in seconds. Zachary's efforts to regain control of his body were totally vain. The Hargreeves had an advantage while fighting your soul: they knew what you were. The agent had no clue, making it infinitely easier to block his attempt to take control. 

The pain radiating from Five's beating was omnipresent. You were sure that some ribs were broken along with other major injuries. Oh and the abdominal pain you felt? Clearly not normal. Every detail of the mission was thought through, meaning that if you returned to Zachary's partner unarmed, there would be suspicions so you had to play the game and act as hurt. The easiest play of your life, really. The pain was pretty real so that wouldn't be a big deal. You weren’t even sure you could walk. 

Five’s face showed his concern when he saw you struggle to sit up. His hand reached out to help you, only to be batted away by your own.

"It’s fine. I can do it." You saw his hands closing into fists at your pained grunts. 

You lost your footing when you got off the table and fell to the ground in a yelp. 

"I’m fine." You tried to get up again but the white pain in your abdomen was too much.

"No you’re not. Stop trying to get up." Your soulmate positioned himself behind you. "Can you still do it?" You knew he was concerned about your well being, but pain had a tendency to make you impatient.

"Yes and the sooner we start the sooner it ends. So let’s go." Your fogged mind almost didn’t register Five’s surprise at your outburst. "Sorry."

"No you’re right." He shook his head before grabbing a bloody pocket knife from his shorts. "Ready?" You answered with a nod, the knife went to your throat and you both teleported away, in the motel room Diego and Andrew found out to be rented by the Commissioners. Zachary's partner… Brendan lifted his gun as soon as he noticed the newcomers. 

"Tell the Handler that my patience is getting thin." A groan fell from your mouth as Five tugged on your hair and exposed your throat. "And make sure to tell her that the next time I see one of her little puppets, she won't see me coming." The tension keeping your head up disappeared in a blue light, causing you to tumble to fall forward in a groan. Brendan was quick to kneel next to you to assess your wounds.

"Shit! He got you freakin' good that asshole." 

"Damn midget was quick." You grunted in response, hands gripping your abdomen.

"The hell did he do to you?" Brendan helped you get on a bed and you recited the story Five gave you. "Dammit! We have to report that to the Handler." Brendan’s nervous back and forth walking was intriguing.

Curious about why reporting to the woman seemed so troublesome, you turned back to Zachary's soul and probed his memory. Five had warned you that the woman was special, but you didn't think it was that bad. The woman was mad, that was a fact. But when it came to your soulmate? Holy shit. She was a psychopath devil wearing Prada. 

"You do it. I have to go to the infirmary." Gripping your ribs, you didn’t even have to force your sentence to sound out of breath. From what you've gathered on Brendan, he wasn't the bravest one, meaning that he would insist for you to come with him to face the wolf that is the Handler. 

"You were the one kidnapped. You tell the story." Bingo. 

Breathing in sharply, you gestured for the blonde to come over. He grabbed the briefcase sitting on his bed to fix the proper date and location before walking over to your bloody form. He assured that your grip on him was secured and pressed the buttons to activate the teleportation. As it was your first briefcase travel, you weren’t prepared for the twist your stomach graciously executed, forcing Zachary’s last meal to hurry up your esophagus and fall on the floor in a brownish puddle. 

Brendan jumped away fairly quickly, scrunching up his nose in disgust. "Could’ve warned me man."

You barely had time to shoot him an annoyed glance that medical staff took you away to treat your injuries and test you in case of a concussion, letting you time to analyze your surroundings between each test and identify potential exits if it ever came to that. From time to time you had to turn to Zachary, who was still clueless of what was happening to him, shown by his incessant attempts to order his body to move, and push him farther. His pleas for someone to help him were loud and clear, disrupting your attempts to concentrate and answer the nurses questions. 

The nurses left you alone in your private room now that every wound on your new male body was disinfected and patched to their liking. You refused every painkiller that was offered to you in fear of losing control over Zachary’s body and also to keep your mind focussed on the task at hand. One of the doctors came back with what you assumed was your file, explaining how lucky you were to be alive blablabla. You weren’t lucky. You just had the best assassin of the whole timeline as soulmate and he happened to know where to strike to cause maximum damage without killing its prey. 

"The nurses will prep you for your surgery. Your spleen has been damaged and is now bleeding into your abdomen."

You raised your hand to interrupt him. "No, I have to talk to the Handler first. It’s urgent." Your heartbeat accelerated as your nervosity increased. The surgery would eat up too much of your precious time and who knew what would happen of you when under anesthesia. 

"Sir. We have to bring you into surgery as soon as-"

"I said no! If you want me to have this surgery, you’ll have to get the Handler here first!" You cut him off. 

"We don’t have ti-" The poor doctor was cut off about, but by a feminine cough this time. His fear clearly showed on his face at the vision of the extravagant lady in the doorframe. 

"Good thing that I’m already here then. I’m sure we can have a little five minutes. Go get yourself a coffee." Her tone seemed sweet despite her hard commanding eyes, their intensity raising the hairs on your arms. 

The argument was clearly over. The doctor hurried out of the room, allowing the blonde woman to take her time to talk to you. As you took in her sweet exterior, her radiant smile and her interesting clothes, you were thankful for your ability to see everyone's true self, because if you had crossed her path without being able to see her jet black soul, you feared that you would have trusted her without a second thought. 

"I see Number Five hasn't lost his touch." She gestured vaguely at your numerous injuries with her perfectly manicured hand, which you couldn't help but notice, the vibrant red looking like blood on the top of her fingers. "But I guess he did lose some efficiency in his adorable little shorts, you are still breathing after all."

"He charged me to deliver a message to you ma'am." A gurgling sound punctuated your words, causing you to cough as soon as you finished your sentence. 

"You will have to do it quickly darling, we don't want you to run out of time before you tell me." She moved closer to hear your words better. Her lack of empathy hit you right in the gut, you, no, Zachary was dying and she couldn't find it in herself to at least fake some kindness. 

"Karma is a bitch." You chuckled at her confusion before quickly leaving Zachary's body behind and entering hers. The slight vertigo that you were now used to wasn’t as bad as when you trained with the Hargreeves. Despite what you thought, she hasn’t seen you coming and offered no resistance. You let yourself the time to adjust while she still hasn’t detected you yet, her confusion overwhelming your mind and senses. Soon though, she started to feel wrong and tried to walk away from the weak form of the injured agent. Panic flooded through her mind when she realized that her body wouldn’t do as asked. What is happening? 

"Oh. You just got hijacked.” You snickered. Make sure that the Handler was in the building, check! You walked out of the room just as the doctor came back to take the dying man to surgery. Not knowing that this agency was full of murderers, you would have felt bad for what was coming, but you knew. 

You ventured into endless corridors, your destination in mind. You had to make it there without having to search her mind for the directions if possible. You tried to block out her murderous thoughts, her rage sounding like thunder under your skull gave you a really bad headache. Fortunately for you, you had had your fair share of headaches in your life meaning that you had a good tolerance for them. 

Unfortunately for you was that you couldn’t make your way out of these damns corridors and find the briefcase room. Five had formally forbidden you to peek into her mind, saying that her mind was too dangerous to adventure yourself into. You hated to admit that he was right. 

Five's soul was definitely nothing compared to the one right in front of you. The craziness that was boiling into its depth was licking at yours in an attempt to corrupt you or scare you away, you weren't sure which. 

“Ma’am? Are you alright?” You almost didn’t register the concerned voice into all the chaos of your head. A sweet-looking woman was 

“Y-Yes.” You pinched your nose at the waver in your voice. “I’m just feeling out of it today.” Andrew would have been proud of your acting talent, he always told you that you were terrible. “Could you please show me the way to the briefcase room?” 

Her brown eyes widened as if you had insulted her whole family, stressing you out. What did you say wrong? I never say please, you little shit. You mentally facepalmed at that.

“Em. Sure, ma’am. This way.” 

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stay silent when the Handler didn’t stop screaming in your head. You focussed on placing one foot in front of the other without face-planting in your high-heels while massaging your temple with your fingers. The headache was slowly morphing into a migraine, it wasn’t good. 

As soon as you saw the desired room, you made your way in it, caught the first one, and quickly inserted the right time coordinates. 

The numbness creeping slowly into your mind scared you to no end. Tiny strings of her soul tried to reach yours, sometimes succeeding and making your heart rate skyrocket. Every barrier you tried to put between you, she would destroy them or find a way to pass through the cracks. At first, she tried to take control again but when she realized that it wouldn’t work, she then passed to stab your mind with her own. Images of dead bodies would then flash before your eyes at her fortunate stabs, some bloodier than others, some had severed limbs, others were disfigured. It disgusted you how these people were butchered like they were animals. Then why are you helping their killer? You froze in place, the severity of her words hitting you like a train. 

It… couldn’t be. You knew he was a killer, Five never lied about doing atrocities in the past, but hearing it and seeing it were two different things. 

“You forced him to do it…” As much as you wanted to believe your own words, you knew that it couldn’t erase the fact that he did it nonetheless. 

“Y/N! Are you alright?” Your body was suddenly shaked back and forth, making you blink a couple of times to regain your senses. You were back at the bunker, in Andrew's arms, the Hargreeves concerned gazes fixed on you. As much as it hurt to do so, you couldn't find it in yourself to meet Five's gaze, the memories of lifeless corpses lingering at the back of your mind. 

"I'm okay." Your voice was small, tired, just like how you felt. 

"You don't look okay." You shrugged it off, entering your previous location's coordinates as the next destination in the briefcase and made your way toward Vanya, holding your hand out to her. You fled your problems as soon as you could. 

Helping Vanya to stay on her wobbly feet was more difficult than you thought with the deadly high-heels you were wearing. You ditched them after having once again entered the bunker as your terminus. 

A metallic sound caught your attention, the handcuffs in Vanya's hand shone under the neon light of the empty office. With a single nod, Vanya caught your wrist in one of the loops and closed the other around one of the many metal bars blocking the window. Everything was in place. Now, the last thing for you to do was get into Vanya's body and stay on the backseat while she used her ability to destroy the complex. 

You visualized the bright white soul that was Vanya's and made a move to get out of the Handler's body when a sharp stab into your essence pulled you back into it. I wonder how Five will take that his soulmate doesn't make it back. 

Cold sweat covers your body instantly, panic surging through your every nerves. Her soul found an opening into your fragilized wall and took advantage of it. Black threads emerging from her soul had wrapped themselves around yours, keeping you prisoner of her physical form. You let your guard down and it would now cost you your life. 

"Y/N, everything alright?" 

You slowly shook your head, tears forming into your eyes. You choked on your air, the Handler fighting you for control. The hours spent into Zachary's body, the pain you had to endure, all the time travelling, the body jumping added to the images of your soulmate's victims rendered you tired, allowing the mad woman to push you back to second. 

"Five should have known better than to send a little" Her soul gripped yours as tightly as it could, her wrath flowing around in a psychotic manner making you almost pass out. "weakling to control me." 

"Leave her alone." You haven't heard Vanya's voice much during the time you passed with her family under the yellow house. She was always shy, keeping her thoughts to herself. It surprised you that she managed to express herself in such a stern manner, an excited shudder ran through you. Maybe you had a chance. 

"If you uncuff me." The grip on you tightened at Vanya's hesitation. "Or I'll crush her." 

Oh. Bad idea. Once brown eyes suddenly became as white as snow, her soul and body glowing in the dimly lit room. The Handler's grip on you slipped when a blue stream hit her square in the chest, her body falling to the ground with her hand still tied to the bars. 

Seeing an opening, you swiftly threw yourself out, seeking refuge into Vanya's mind. The silence that reigned there was welcome, you let yourself fall limply somewhere into the depth of Vanya's form, totally drained from the last interference. She must have felt your forced entry because the next thing you knew, her soul was shining like a thousand suns followed by the sound of destruction. 

Vanya's power wave exploded the walls and ceiling surrounding you along with the entirety of the Commission's complex. You blacked out when Vanya made her way into the air, a bubble protecting her from the debris with the briefcase in hand. 

…………………………….

11 days. The 11 best days of your life. Even though you passed them fighting to prevent the apocalypse, you would never change them for anything. You had the opportunity to meet your soulmate, fall in love with him and get to know him along with his family. 

Back in your very own body, you were delighted when you learned that the apocalypse wouldn't happen in 2019 now that the Commission's base was reduced to ashes. The happiness you felt from Five's kisses and the loud cheers resonating around you was short lived, Andrew's sad gaze met yours, causing your eyes to tear up. He forced himself to smile, but you saw right through his facade. This same smile was forcing his handsome features back then and it hurt just the same to see him trying to be positive for your sake when he was himself drowning in his sorrow. 

You leaved a confused Five behind and rushed into your brother's arms, your hands closing on his shirt in tight fists. His arms wrapped around your form just as tightly as yours were around his, the thought of leaving him behind again filling you with dread. 

"I love you so much." The sob breaking your brother's whisper torned your heart apart. 

"What's going on?" Unbeknownst to you, the room had stopped celebrating, instead focussing their attention on the odd scene happening before them. Allison was the first to ask what everyone was secretly thinking. 

You took a deep breath, mentaly preparing yourself for Five's reaction at your next words. Releasing the fabric, you separated yourself from Andrew's shirt and joined your hands in front of you in an attempt to stop them from shaking. As soon as your soulmate noticed them, he space-jumped next to you in hope of giving you comfort, instead you cower back into Andrew's chest, but this time facing the rest of the group. You avoided his hurt gaze by watching your fingers. 

"I-" The lump closing your throat made it difficult to speak your mind. A reassuring hand fell on your shoulder hoping to give you the strength needed. "I won't be there when you go back to 2019." 

"It's fine, I can space-jump to Canada without a problem." Five frowned, concerned about why you being in another country was an issue. 

"That's not what I mean." You shook your head and closed your eyes tightly in hope to keep the tears at bay. "What I mean is, when you go back in 2019 I won't be there 'cause I'll be dead. I died in 2009 of a brain tumor."

There, finally it was out! Minus the sharp breaths here and there, the room was utterly silenced. That is until Five kicked the nearby coffee table. The sudden sound made you jump and open your eyes to meet the image of your angry soulmate. You almost regretted telling him, but you knew that he deserved to know.

"That's impossible. You wouldn't be here if you were. Ben isn't." You had to fight yourself to not avoid his angry gaze. He was in denial and you would help him through it. You had accepted your death long ago, your eternal slumber along with your last moments still engraved into your memory.

You could feel yourself floating in comfortable darkness. Your senses were numb, no sounds bouncing around, nothing to taste, nothing to see, nothing to touch, nothing to smell. You couldn’t tell why, but being this senseless made you panic slightly. How long had you been there? An hour? A day? A year? You had no memories of how you ended in this isolated place. However, something in you, hidden deep inside, said that this was better. This was safe. The appeasing thought cleared your mind and allowed your muscles to slowly loosen. 

A flash of color appears in front of you. No. Not in front of you. In your mind. Light green orbs watched you closely. Their magnificent color was tainted by tears. Why is he crying? Light brown strands fall in front of his eyes, hiding his tears from your view. His hair was chaotic like he had passed countless times combing his hand through his strands. A chuckle rose in your throat, aiming to be set free and be heard. Only silence resonated in your ears. 

His form is now shaking slightly. His untamed locks moved in quick succession and sobs reached you. His distress felt like a punch to the gut, stealing all of your air and squeezing your heart. You desperately wanted to reassure him, but at this point in time, all you could manage to do was stay still and wait for your fast-approaching end. Right, I was- You never got to relieve him of his pain, forming the second biggest regret of your life. You felt a pressure on your right hand, warmth spreading from the contact. 

“You’ll get better soon Panda. I promise,” His sobs stopped and a tear-stained face forced a smile at you. Despite seeing the most hurtful smile on his lips, you believed him. The pain already started to fade away. “You’ll be alright.”

The day I died. Your brother was right, you were alright. You weren’t suffering anymore. No more dizziness, no more vomiting, no more seizures and no more explosive migraines. You were free. Only… Your biggest regret would continuously haunt you. I never got to meet him. 

In the background, you could faintly hear the flatline of the EKG along with the last cry of your precious brother and parents calling your name.

"I got diagnosed with a brain tumor in Spring 2003. The tumor appeared out of nowhere, but I remember feeling it developing in me. It felt like  every cells of my body were vibrating."

Five remembered the first time he time-traveled. It was in Spring 2003 and he remembers the exhilarating feeling of the power vibrating within his body. 

"Then I felt warm, even with the cold wind outside. That's when I knew something was wrong."

Five's first attempt to time travel was small. He aimed to the next season: Summer. 

"After that, there was a weird nagging feeling that made me nauseous. Then again, I felt the vibrations and suddenly felt cold."

Five, in the excitation of the moment decided to travel further into the future, in the next Winther. 

"And again, I felt the vibrations followed by the warmth. But then I don't know. It felt like something inside me broke."

Five decided to aim higher; many years later, landing in the apocalypse. Despite his best efforts to go back, he was stuck there. 

"So I survived for 6 years before I died in 2009."

You didn't register Andrew's grasp tightening on your shoulder, but you did register Five falling to his knees in defeat. You hurried to his side, concern guiding your movements. Your hands found their home on his cheeks, wipping away the tears falling from his sad blue eyes. 

"I caused this. I'm so sorry." He engulfed your form into a desperate hug, hiding his sobs into the crook of your neck. The sound of his whimpers hurt you the most.

"Well, maybe we can go back and find a way to cure you." Luther said while comforting a crying Allison. 

You shook your head, you knew it was pointless. "My parents tried everything. My tumor couldn't be removed, it was too close to a vital area and because of my ability, my tumorous cells were mutated. So chemotherapy and radiation therapy had no effect." You tenderly stroke Five's cheek to get his attention. "This wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was!" His yell made you jump. "When I time-traveled it put your cells under the same pressure than mine and because yours were not made for it, it formed a tumor!" The tears wouldn't stop falling down his face, dampening the hem of his shirt and breaking the last pieces of your heart. You had fucked up by allowing him to fall in love with you. 

"I can make you forget me." The mere idea of doing it made you sick however, if it could appease his pain, you were willing to do it. 

Five's eyes widened before his hands gripped both your shoulders harshly. A yelp escaped your lips at the movement, alerting your brother who jumped into action. Too late. Five had teleported the both of you at the opposed side of the room, his distressed state only allowing him that much. 

"Don't you dare do that! You really think that I'd give up the only thing that made me survive the apocalypse without saying shit? I was alone for forty-five years and the possibility of meeting my soulmate one day was the only thing that gave me the strength to continue to fight! Everything I did during those forty-five years was to save our future Y/N!"

"Hey listen-" Andrew was cut off by a furious Five. 

"No you listen, asshole. For once I thought I would be able to be happy! My life on the run was finally over and I could start fresh! But I'll never get to live that because she will be dead when we get back!" His breathing was getting erratic, his eyes were wide and his soul was getting more and more agitated. You noticed the once thin black strings were now not only thicker but longer too. Worry made you take his hands in yours. 

"And whose fault is this, genius?" 

"Andrew!" Your scream made everyone stop, even Five whose fists started flowing a soft blue, definitely planning on teleporting to your brother and beat him with all of his cumulated rage. Instead, you turned to him and asked him to teleport you both away. His eyes met yours for a second before your wish came true. 

You were now at the brim of a forrest with no one around to hear what you had to say. 

"Five," You took his cheek in your hands and met his angry orbs with your teary ones. "I can't thank you enough for loving me. The moments I passed with you were the best of my life and I am so, so sorry for not telling you earlier about my condition. I love you and believe me, I would do anything to be able to live alongside you." You started crying at one point and burried your face in the crook of his neck. 

His arms circled your waist, pulling you further into him to register every detail of your body. Your loud sobs almost covered Five's small whisper.

"Can you do it again?"

"What?" You pulled away slightly, confused about his intentions. 

"Like in training."

Ah that. You were puzzled as to why he would want you to do that right now but if it could help him get better, there's no way you would deny him. So you focussed your mind into transfering your soul into his body, lovingly tracing his soul with your fingers to appease his suffering. 

You felt the shudder running up Five's spine, along with the blush warming his cheeks, earning a chuckle from you. It made you sad to think that this was the last time you would be able to tease him that way. 

"Now stay in there while I get us back home."

"What?!"

"This doesn't have to be the end of us." Your body was leaned down with the utmost care on the feet of a birch tree. 

"Are you sure it's gonna work?" 

"I have to try." He coughed to get himself together and teleported back to the bunker where he met an angry brunette. 

"Where the hell is my sister?" Luther and Diego tried to intercept the angry teenager before he got to their brother, forgetting that it was pretty simple for him to dematerialize himself and pass through them. You would have laughed at Diego's horrified face if Andrew's fist wasn't coming swiftly towards Five's face. What a drag. Five thought. 

He dodged the hit by teleporting away, near the briefcase where he entered the coordinated leading to 2019. 

"She's with me." 

You would have rolled your eyes at Five's condescending tone if you had a physical body. 

"He's worried, Five. You weren't better."

He scoffed and made his way in the center of the room. He would never admit that you had such an effect on him, even though he knew it has been pretty clear in the last minutes. 

"Why?" Andrew was now less angry and more confused. Quite frankly, so were you. 

"If her mind travels within another body, maybe her soul will stay alive." You hummed in approval. It could work. On his side, Andrew nodded and hurriedly flicked Five’s forehead, a groan erupting from the Hargreeve’s throat. You laughed at the gesture, making sure to restrain your soulmate’s movement so he wouldn’t hurt Roo for something that was destined to you.

“You better visit me when you get back.” 

“It’s a promise!” You said after quickly gaining control of Five’s body to smile at your brother, one last time. As funny that the irritation radiating from Five was, you had something to do, so you gave him back the charge of his own body and got comfortable in some quiet corner of his mind. 

The time travel to 2019 was a success. All 6 Hargreeves now back in their adult bodies, cheered at their accomplishment, some jumping into their siblings arms while others proposed to go get a drink. Five was delighted that finally, everything would be okay, his family was safe and he could live a life as normal as possible. 

“Wait wait!” Klaus stopped the group from leaving the lobby of the Umbrella Academy manor and turned to his blue-eyed sibling. “Did it work? Is she still with you?” 

Five took a moment to concentrate and search his mind for your presence. Usually his soul would easily find yours and interlace itself until both nearly merged together. This time, though, the desired reaction never came. With each passing second without finding you, Five’s eyes would widden more and more alerting his siblings of the problem. 

Five desperately yelled your name in hope that maybe your soul had just fallen asleep or something and that you would suddenly reach out to him and soothe his worries. Seconds passed without any movement from you part, bringing Five to his knees once again. His plan didn’t work and you were lost to him forever. 

“Five, let us help.” 

Just as a comforting hand reached for his shoulder, Five teleported himself away to hide the new wave of tears that were falling down his cheeks. “There’s nothing any of you can do.” His voice broke just like the last string of his heart that was keeping it together. A scream broke the silence of the house, all of his pain expressing itself and bouncing around in the empty corridors, reaching his shooked siblings. It was the scream of someone who’d lost everything he had and they were scared of the lengths his desperation would push him to make himself feel better. 

Even after 2 months, Five couldn’t stop himself and plan a way to get back to you. He elaborated multiple scenarios and outcomes to find a secure way to be able to go back and restore what he destroyed, meaning your brain. His bedroom walls were worse than the time he had to write his equations to find who to kill to prevent the apocalypse. Every day one of his siblings would come and see how he was doing and maybe share some words that were never answered, trying to see if their brother was lost to them too. 

On the 67th day, Vanya received a text from Andrew, asking Five to meet at an address. When the news got to him, Five’s hand froze in the middle of his writing. You had promised to see him when you got back. The thought made Five’s anger boil in his veins. You made 2 promises that you didn’t keep. You had promised to love him forever, yet you were gone and now Andrew was expecting you somewhere in your country. Taking it upon himself, Five made multiple jumps to finally reach the desired destination.

“Vanya told me you had a hard time to accept that she was gone.” Immediately, Five’s hand curled into a fist, ready to lash out at the man who was proclaiming to be your brother but let you down without a fight. He wasn’t there for a whole second that Andrew was already poking into the wounds of his heart.

Five’s fist shot through the cold air of the Canadian autumn, aiming at Andrew’s face full force. Five prepared himself for the pain that usually comes when bones hit bones, yet he felt no pain, instead losing his balance when his fist passed right through the brunette. Unable to regain his balance in time, the man fell to his knees right in front of a stone. No, not a stone. 

Y/N Beauchamps

October 1st, 1989

March 14th, 2009

Your grave. The sight of it made it even more real. You weren’t coming back. His anger along with his need to fight disappeared, letting place to his grief. He cries silently, his form still kneeling before the stone marking your last home. Andrew stayed close behind for a while, eyes fixed to your grave before finally touching its corner softly and walking away. 

Time passed and Five couldn’t take his eyes away from your name engraved into the stone. 

“I’m scared that I will lose it for good. That I'll return to be the monster that I was back at the Commission.” His puffy eyes had no more tears to share after a whole 2 months of crying your death. “I miss you so much.” He gently reached for your grave, touching the letters with care like they were a part of you. 

“Took you long enough, soulmate.” Your voice echoed through his head, hurting Five even more. He was hallucinating your voice again. “Oh, no. It’s really me.” The feeling of your soul enveloping his made him gasp and fall on his behind. He could hear your voice in his dreams, your laugh in the wind, see your form in a crowd but never, never could he recreate the feeling of your souls mending. 

“Y/N!?” 

“I missed you too, Five.” The feeling of a kiss fell on his cheek despite anyone being around, filling him in utter joy. You were back.

“H-How-” He couldn’t form a tangible sentence, making you chuckle in the back of his mind. Its sound melted his insides and would have brought tears to his eyes if only his body wasn’t dehydrated from his last crying session. 

“You were right. My mind time-travelled with your body, but the jump ate the last of my energy which forced me out of you and back at my grave.” You traced his soul with yours, eliciting a delighted sigh from Fives’s lips. “I couldn’t go and find you, so I had to wait for you to come to me.” 

“Sorry for taking so long. I should have known.” 

“Don’t. We are together now.” You soul snuggled into his before separating yourself and making Five panic. “Relax, I’m just incredibly tired.” 

“Will you be there when you wake up?” A part of his soul reached for you, enveloping itself around a part of yours like you two were holding hands. The fear radiating from him made you dizzy.

“Yes.” You settled again into a corner of his mind, his soul still connected to yours. “Oh and Five?” He hummed in acknowledgement. “I never break a promise. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Your presence into Five’s mind kept him sane, while your appearance in his dreams made him whole. 

[olligreen]

No Bad Student | 5 – Enemy of my Enemy

Pairing: Lawrusso (Daniel x Johnny) Genre: Angst(ish) Warnings: None Word count: 1570 Summary: KK2 AU in which Johnny ends up living with Miyagi and Daniel for the summer. Inspired by nadianecromancer’s comic, but I’ll try to avoid making any scenes similar to the ones they already did!  Notes: This was originally posted on Ao3 here.

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Johnny’s presence in the room never left Daniel’s mind, even as he continued to work on the bedframe. Even moving was troublesome, like he was neck-deep in water. Johnny’s motionless figure stuck to his peripherals. At least he wasn’t facing him, he thought. He wasn’t watching him struggle to function due to nothing other than his own mere existence. He’d get a kick out of that, wouldn’t he? He’d certainly show off that smirk of his; although, maybe that’d be preferable to whatever he was doing now.

He turned his head toward his resting opponent. The only movements he made were slow, rhythmic breaths, and even those were shallow. What did they talk about out there? What topic could make Johnny Lawrence so mopey and quiet?

The mystery would be left unsolved as the bedroom door swung open and Mr. Miyagi appeared. Johnny sprung up from his somber mood, and the rivals awaited his words.

“Well done, Daniel-san.” He said, looking over the barely-touched structure. “But still much work left to do.”

“Yeah, I uh--...” His words got caught in his throat as he followed Miyagi’s gaze, but he pushed through. “I had some trouble.”

He nodded. “Maybe, earlier, you right.”

“Huh?”

“Two-man job.”

Daniel felt a wave of stress leave him in an exhale. Finally, some normalcy. “Alright! I can hold up this side while you put that nail in over there... I think I got all the nails back in the box, so--...”

Daniel’s words trailed off as Miyagi shook his head.

“What? Somethin’ wrong?”

His gaze moved to Johnny’s side of the room. “Two men right here, yes?”

The pair of faces contorted simultaneously, and Johnny looked to his enemy for an explanation. “You expect us to work together?” Johnny finally said as Daniel seemed as void of answers as he was.

“Hai.”

“Why? Why can’t you help him?”

“Busy with tea. You busy with nothing.”

“Wait!” Johnny shouted in vain at a closing door.

And then, with their short-lived buffer gone, they were forced to endure each other’s presence once again.

The unmistakable feeling of Johnny’s eyes hit Daniel immediately, even as he stared at the floor.

“Unbelievable. What is with this guy?”

His question was met with no response, and, after a pause, Daniel continued his work in silence as if nothing had happened. His expression appeared blank of emotion, but Johnny knew that game well -- he was hiding something. He was hiding how he felt about this situation. But, why? It should be obvious, right? He hated him. It seemed cut and dry; though, if that were true, why lie about it?

But he wouldn’t ask him now. Johnny finally pulled his gaze from his rival, then silently took his place opposite him. He dragged the toolbox so it’d be halfway between them, paying no regard for the noise it’d make, or maybe it was a purposeful, passive method of attracting his attention. Regardless of his intent, Daniel’s eyes moved toward the grating sound but avoided Johnny entirely. After his unfruitful interruption, Johnny wouldn’t dare break the vow of silence Daniel had forced him into, but it wasn’t without issue. He wasn’t sure how the boards were supposed to match up at all. He tried to copy some of the things that Daniel was doing, he tried constructing the thing in his head, but found no success in putting together the directionless puzzle. In desperation for some usefulness, he tried sorting them by size, only for Daniel to ignore his efforts entirely, grabbing boards with seemingly no pattern at all. Eventually, Johnny’s frustration grew beyond his respect for their one untold rule.

“Dammit, man, I don’t even know what this thing is supposed to look like.”

Daniel kept his head tilted down toward his work, but his eyes lifted to Johnny for a moment. “It’s a bedframe.” He mumbled.

“Well yeah, smartass. I know that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know where any of these pieces go! I don’t even know what you’re doing.”

“Well, figure it out, I dunno. That’s not my problem.”

Johnny scoffed, throwing aside the pieces he was working on. “Screw this, man. If you don’t want my help, fine.”

Daniel lifted his head at this, watching Johnny as he stood and began to retreat back to his bedroll. He watched him plop down on the thing, defeated, and he couldn’t help but show a little emotion of his own. “You really wanna help?” He said with more compassion in his voice than he expected.

Johnny seemed equally surprised, raising a brow to him. “I--... Yeah, I mean… he said--...” He gestured to the door as his words trailed off.

Daniel nodded to himself, letting a sigh into the silence. “Alright, man. C’mere, I’ll show you.”

The request hung in the air for a moment, but, ultimately, Johnny sat beside him, bright blue eyes wide and attentive.

Daniel’s eyes kept forward as he explained the structure of the thing, how he and Miyagi had planned it. All the while, Johnny followed his instructions much more diligently than expected. Johnny’s attention-to-detail did puzzle Daniel, but he wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, at least not while it was working for him. Either way, it seemed, at least for the sake of the task, the barrier between them had fully broken. Their work was efficient, and their progress showed it. Together, they completed the entire top frame, and now all that was left to do were the legs. Easy, right?

“Hey, could you lift this thing? I can’t get the legs on if I’m holdin’ it up too.”

Johnny snorted, already getting in position. “Yeah, I could see it being pretty hard for you, huh?”

“Oh, please. Just hold it, alright?”

“Nah, it’s fine, you need a strong fella’ to lift the heavy stuff.” Johnny mocked through a grin as he pushed the near side of the frame up onto his shoulder.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah? So, you’re strong and I’m a wimp, is that what you’re tryin’ to say?”

“Maybe it is, so what?” He said, catching his breath.

“If you’re so strong, how’d I beat you then, huh?” His hammer sank the nail down into the wood as a smirk climbed up. “Explain that one.”

Johnny scowled, turning to face him as he walked around to the other side. “You fought all weird, that’s how.”

“What does that mean?” Daniel asked, more incredulous than offended, as he worked on the other leg.

“You just avoided my stuff most of the time. You’re supposed to attack in karate, you know that? Defending over and over doesn’t get you anywhere.”

“Yeah, well most of your attacks got blocked. That doesn’t get you anywhere either.”

Johnny didn’t reply, gently lowering the frame once Daniel finished the leg. 

“Besides, it got me the win, didn’t it?”

“No,” Johnny replied promptly, his head lowered as he moved to the other side. “That illegal kick got you the win.”

“Illegal? What the hell are you talking about?”

“It was a full-force strike to the face. That’s not a point, man.” Johnny elected to keep to one side as he lifted this end of the bedframe, staying as far away from Daniel as possible.

“Oh gimme a break, how can you say that after you practically snapped my leg in half? It still hurts, you know that?”

“Oh, c’mon, Danielle, it wasn’t that bad.” He grimaced as he shifted the thing’s weight. “Besides, I got a warning for that, they gave you the win.”

Daniel scoffed in response -- a placeholder as he looked fruitlessly for a way to refute his claim, but another problem presented itself before he had the chance to accept defeat. He stopped, looking at him with a pensive expression.

As Daniel hovered, Johnny realized his mistake. By trying to avoid him earlier, he was hardly a foot away from the very leg Daniel needed to fasten now. They met eyes for a moment, each certain that the other was having the same thought.

“Hurry up.” Johnny spat out, then leaned back as far as he could.

The situation was inescapable, it seemed. With a huff, hammer and nail at the ready, he slipped in the small space in front of Johnny. Each tried, desperately, to ignore the sensation of the other to varying levels of success. Johnny’s strategy was simple: he’d look in the opposite direction and pretend that nothing was happening at all. Daniel had the worst of it, though. There was something about feeling Johnny’s chest on his back that sent him into an immediate fight-or-flight response. The same gentle rising and falling of his breath that was calming earlier were now bringing up a deep, primal fear within him. His heartbeat increased, his breathing quickened, and the thing he truly feared most was that Johnny would notice the change. Trapped in the small space, Daniel fumbled with the nail quite a bit, making the process take twice as long.

“Come on, man. Just do it.” Johnny tried to lean back further so that they wouldn’t touch, but any space Daniel could take, he took. His priority was getting this done as quickly as possible. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled half-heartedly, and, with a swift motion, sent the final nail into the wood. Then, with the same dexterity, he escaped, finding a spot far from Johnny to recover.

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[shivbooks]

The Dilemma of Susan Pevensie

If you're a lover of books or Narnia, you know what happens in the end. Susan Pevensie does not go back to Narnia. Why? Well, that's up for debate...

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly.  "I wish she would grow up.  She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age.  Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."   - (C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle)

Read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan  here. It's definitely interesting. The Susan problem is one that has been debated about because it's so vague. Why doesn't she return to Narnia when everyone else has? People usually use Jill's argument of why Susan was excluded from Narnia. But the real reason is what Polly said. It's not what J.K. Rowling said about Susan liking makeup and sex that got her excluded.

"There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to  Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become  irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that." - (J.K. Rowling)

The real issue is that Susan chose to forget Narnia. She purposely ignored it. She thought it was childish and stupid. She became vain, uncaring, and selfish. She forgot her values. She was a child trying to be a "grown-up" and wanting to stay youthful and one age forever. She probably partied so much to escape the painful memory of being told that she couldn't go back to Narnia. Deep down she knows Narnia is real but she is actively trying to forget and repress her memories. She thought Narnia was for children and she didn't want to be a child anymore. To be fair, she was a child, grew up and ruled a country, then was stuffed back into a child's body. After that I wouldn't want to be treated like a kid either. But this isn't about readjusting to being a child or adults not taking her seriously, Susan simply wanted to forget Narnia because she thought it was silly and "for children". Lewis said "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." This idea that because something is "made for children" or "childish" that it is somehow lesser, is wrong. It is this notion of superiority that goes with being an adult. That being an adult is somehow better than being a child.

Why is being a child bad? Is it the innocence and naivety? If adults are afraid to be like a child, maybe we should look at how we treat children. They are constantly talked down to and nothing is ever explained to a child and they are dismissed without a thought when they suggest something because they don't understand the "real world". Childishness is associated with stupidity, not being able to take responsibility, immaturity, and naivety. When in fact it's the opposite, we all know an adult who acts immature and a child who is very mature. There is no such thing as being childish. If you want to dye your hair and read fairytales and YA when you're 45, go ahead. Lewis is criticizing the idea of being "adult". Why is being an "adult" good and being a "child" bad? What constitutes being an adult? Being dark and cynical and lying? Apparently, Susan knows because that is all she is focused on being. That is the problem. By wanting to be an "adult", Susan is being "childish". She is abandoning her faith and by extension, her family. It wasn't an accident. It was a choice and she has to deal with the consequences. That doesn't mean there can't be redemption.

In his Letters to Children, Lewis said:

"The books don't tell us what happened to Susan. She is left alive in  this world at the end, having by then turned into a rather silly,  conceited young woman. But there's plenty of time for her to mend and  perhaps she will get to Aslan's country in the end... in her own way."

"I could not write that story myself. Not that I have no hope of Susan’s  ever getting to Aslan’s country; but because I have a feeling that the  story of her journey would be longer and more like a grown-up novel than I wanted to write. But I may be mistaken. Why not try it yourself?"  - (1960 letter to Pauline Bannister)

It sounds like he had plans for Susan and never got around to it. He also seems to be encouraging debate or writing your own interpretation of what happens (fan fiction?). Whatever the case, Susan probably has a long and difficult journey but eventually gets back to her family.

You can argue C.S. Lewis was misogynistic, sexist, racist, and yeah it shines through a bit in Narnia where the Calormen people (Indian/Arabesque) are depicted as cruel barbarians. But then there is also Aravis who is a Calormen woman who fights and wields a sword and is the hero (so basically a epic brown princess). For being a misogynist, both Susan (at least in the movies) and Lucy fight in battle alongside their brothers and can hold their own. Lucy, the youngest, a girl, was called the Valiant. It is implied they earned their titles and even if they grew into them, I wonder what exactly you would have to do to be called Valiant. Even the men in Narnia cry and kiss each other's cheeks, which would be considered "gay" or "girly". I would say Lewis is a feminist with chivalric traits. Lewis didn't exclude Susan from the end because she was a woman and interested in having sex and being free, she was excluded because she was afraid of change and didn't trust Aslan anymore. Doubt is one thing. It's okay to doubt but Susan didn't trust and became afraid. As a character, Susan is the "mom" of the group. She is the most practical and sensible and realistic. She sees the world very scientifically and lost her sense of wonder. She fears change and is the least adventurous out of her siblings. She is dismissing anything childish, anything Narnian, as lesser than her. She has become haughty and egotistical which is the problem. Children aren't stupid and "childish" things aren't lesser than "adult" things. Maybe it is a bit harsh to go down to the train tracks and identify your siblings bodies but she didn't want anything to do with them. It sounded as if they had stopped talking. She didn't believe in Narnia anymore because she thought faith and belief was childish. She thought she was better than her siblings. She became vain and self-centered, far from the selfless, gentle woman she really was. As Lewis said, Susan will get back in her own way, once she has learned what she needs.

In a letter, Lewis said: "And why not write stories yourself to fill up the gaps in Narnian  history? I’ve left you plenty of hints–especially where Lucy and the  Unicorn are talking in The Last Battle. I feel I have done all I can!"

Maybe he was encouraging fan fiction? We'll never know, but the end result is the same; it's all up for interpretation.

See more posts at https://www.shivbooks.com/

[fizzingwizard]

Frantically playing catch up because I’m gone the rest of the weekend so here’s day 6 after all! Blatantly Takari. This one surprised me by how easy it was to write so it got a bit longer than the others. I’m sure there are many typos, please overlook. Also has two quotes, one in the text and one at the end, from my long-time favorite poet, Walt Whitman. BTW, I don’t really get everything that went down with Ordinemon, but I did my best to fit canon.

One month post-Bokura no Mirai, Takeru and Hikari go on a date and Hikari encounters something unexpected, which leads to a very overdue conversation with her brother.

Warning - there’s mention of the death of sick baby. It’s not huge but it matters to the story. I don’t want to shock anyone.

---

Tri week day 6 - Journeys - Death of a Comet

"How are you?" Takeru asked, watching her carefully.

Hikari only smiled and pretended not to notice. "I thought we'd known each other long enough to skip the niceties, Takeru-kun," she quipped. It was a far cry from her old playfulness, she knew, but she also knew he wasn't going to call her out for it it just yet.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Takeru rolled his eyes with an exaggerated, put-upon sigh. "I didn't realize relationship length was proportionate to amount of shits given."

"It is, at least when the last time we talked was an hour ago over text."

"Duly noted."

"Let's go?"

He nodded. He was wearing another hat she'd never seen before, a dark blue beret that looked about to tip off the side of his head with a light breeze. She wondered if he went out and bought a new hat each time before they went out together. Like how a girl shouldn't be caught in the same outfit twice. He probably did. That was Takashi Takeru, vain as fuck. But there was also something kind of adorable about it.

They'd "officially" been dating for a couple weeks, and Hikari wasn't sure yet how she felt about it. Of course, she'd agreed to it when he asked her. What else could she do? They'd been flirting and toying with each other off and on for years, in a childish way, but she couldn't pretend she didn't know full well what she was doing. She'd even sometimes daydreamed about what dating him would be like. Mostly she imagined it would be a lot of sitting in the bleachers at his basketball games.

She didn't consider Takeru the most mature of the boys in their year, but he wasn't as bad as some. Plus, they'd been through a lot together, so she knew what he was made of. And he really liked her. And she liked him. It seemed unavoidable. She'd said yes because she had no good reason for saying no.

It still felt a bit weird when he reached to hold her hand. Two weeks in, and they had yet to kiss. For the most part, it felt like nothing much had changed between them, except that Takeru no longer tried to hide his excitement when she was near. That was... flattering. And she had no qualms with taking it slow either.

They got on the Yurikamome train and stood together by a window, watching the Odaiba waterfront speed by as they traveled over the Rainbow Bridge. The sky was blue and cloudless. It was the kind of weather Tailmon loved, but Hikari had already talked to her about why she sometimes couldn't come along when she and Takeru went on an "outing." Tailmon had blinked lazily and said that was alright, and given her claws a long, purposeful lick. ”But if he ever hurts you, don't you dare hide it from me.”

Hikari promised, but thought the reverse scenario was far more likely.

Takeru had a more difficult time explaining it to Patamon, she'd heard. Supposedly, after Takeru had given his spiel about how growing up meant needing more time to oneself, Patamon had blurted out, "Are you going to kiss Hikari!? You've got to kiss her, Takeru!" loudly enough that some boys at school had overheard, and as a result everyone knew that they were an item before they'd even been out on a single date.

Such was life with Digimon.

"You know where it is, right?" Hikari asked as they got off the train.

"Yeah, I've come here with my mom for other exhibits," Takeru said, leading her out the exit and onto a busy street. "Mom's really into modern art. We've gone to see Kusama Yayoi's sculptures on Naoshima like four times. I'm pretty sure she goes whenever she breaks up with a boyfriend."

Hikari laughed. "Wait, really?"

"Well, she never introduces them to me, but I can tell when she's seeing someone. She touches up her roots more often."

The art exhibit they were going to see was some sort of interactive light show. Hikari had seen pictures online and thought it looked beautiful. Her father was of the opinion that they only ever put the best pictures on the website, and the rest of the exhibit was probably in some big, white-walled room that smelled like someone had microwaved fish for lunch. Her mom had been more enthusiastic, and added that, if the art did turn out to be a dud, it was as good an excuse as any to sneak off somewhere quiet with her Romeo and, you know, romance him.

Hikari was definitely not going to do that.

She'd timed things with care. Taichi had morning soccer practice until ten. After that he'd come home for lunch. The exhibit opened at eleven, but her concerns about there being a line fell on deaf ears, since Takeru claimed he knew this museum and it was never crowded. (Which didn't do much to mitigate her concerns about the exhibit being any good.) So the earliest she could convince him to catch the train was ten fifteen. So if she left right at ten and headed directly to the station, she ought to be able to miss her brother coming home completely.

It felt like fate was laughing in her face when she ran into him on her way out.

Her shock was mirrored on his face as they both stood in the doorway, staring at each other as if unable to understand why their biological sibling would be there, in their childhood home.

Taichi spoke first, if speech it could be called. "Uh," he said.

"Oniichan," she stammered back, "why - how - you got home fast."

"Yeah... Yamato was having band practice and he gave me a ride on the scooter," Taichi replied.

Hikari kept her mouth shut. Had Yamato orchestrated this? Was Takeru in on it? She knew it wasn't likely in either case, but her hackles were raised. "Oh," she said.

They continued to stand in the doorway. This was, Hikari reflected, the longest conversation they'd managed to keep going in almost a month.

"You... going somewhere?" Taichi asked after a while, tilting his head and looking up and down.

"Museum. With Takeru-kun."

"Oh. Well, have fun."

"Thanks."

As if suddenly realizing he was blocking the exit, Taichi stepped to the side, and Hikari barely restrained herself from running down the hall. The damage was done, though. The minute the elevator door closed, the tears started leaking down her face. Dammit. She'd been so careful.

She'd had to stop off at a nearby convenience store to hide in the restroom. She splashed her face and dabbed her eyes with her hand towel until they were less red, until the evidence of the havoc wreaked just by seeing her brother was hidden under a fresh layer of make-up. She never even wore make-up much before - after all, she was fourteen and blessed with good skin. Dating Takeru had been a convenient excuse to explain to her mom why she suddenly needed extra allowance for concealer, despite having no acne.

She wound up ten minutes late meeting Takeru and still, he could tell right away that something was wrong. She'd managed to deflect, but...

Hikari had never been any good at lying, even to herself. But she was surprised by her own cruelty, dating Takeru because she needed the distraction, an excuse to be anywhere but home. His feelings for her were genuine. She was a monster.

"Hikari-chan?" Takeru gave her a nudge that jolted her into the present. There was, indeed, no line to get in at the art show, and Takeru was trying to hand her a ticket. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

She nodded resolutely. "Yeah, of course."

"It's just, you're being kind of quiet."

"Well, sorry but I'm not a professional entertainer."

He didn't reply to that barb. Hikari felt even more miserable. If only Yamato's stupid motor scooter had broken down on the road...

They handed in their tickets and went through a pair of double doors, into a wide room lit by myriad streamers of blue and purple lights wafting on the air like strange, hypnotic jellyfish. No pictures were allowed, so Hikari kept her camera stowed, but she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Any pictures she tried to take while in such a stormy mood were bound to end up in the trash bin anyway.

They followed the path laid out through fiber-optic tallgrass in silence. Takeru was still gripping her hand, even though her own hung like a dead fish. The next section was a blacklight room with an even more obvious sci-fi vibe, bright cables painted brilliant colors in the impression of sea snakes creating circuitous archs on the walls and ceiling. The heat-sensor flooring lit under their feet as they walked.

Takeru leaned towards her, the blacklight setting his white T-shirt aglow. "This is like some disco-era alien planet," he joked, offering her the olive branch.

Well, she owed it to him not to let this date be a total disaster. "The room before reminded me of the tree in Avatar," she said.

"I bet the next one's gonna be something from Fifth Element."

"No way."

"Could be."

"Completely different aesthetic."

"It's gonna be that giant McDonald's sign made of stained glass. Wait and see."

It wasn't, of course. Takeru continued to insist they'd see the sign in the next room, and the next, until they reached the end of the exhibit, where he finally admitted defeat. At least room four had clearly been lifted from Finding Nemo, he said.

The final room was, in fact, an open space with white walls, but Hikari didn't notice any stomach-turning smells. A combination of 2- and 3D works of art were mounted around the room, and they took their time browsing, continuing to try to outwit each other with their increasingly outlandish, and even somewhat insulting, art critiques. It was a lovely show, Hikari thought. If she'd come to see it in a better frame of mind, she would be raving just now. But though she'd recovered her ability to match Takeru quip for quip, she still felt heavy with gloom. Geez, why did he want to date a rain cloud like her?

"Want to go for lunch?" Takeru asked as they took in the last piece of art, an abstract mosaic made of vibrant, blinking lights laid into a glass frame on a large tabletop. Hikari circled it slowly, watching lights ripple across the frame, stitching the full picture together bit by bit.

"Sure."

"There's a cafe my mom and I go to nearby. It does amazing pancakes."

"Sounds good," she said vaguely, her brow creasing in thought. She took a step back, gazing at the table from what she'd discovered was meant to be the foot, where you could see the picture in full if you craned your neck just so.

It wasn't abstract art. It was Ordinemon.

Her whole body stiffened.

"The orange marmalade pancakes are my favorite - you listening?" With a confused look, Takeru glanced from her unchanging expression to the table. His eyes went wide. "... Let's leave, Hikari-chan."

He gave her arm a tug. She didn't budge.

"Hikari-chan, there's no need to stay here. Come on."

"Why," she said. It came out in a harsh whisper, like a frozen wind. "Why would someone make art of... that."

Takeru didn't answer for a minute. "Because... they saw it," he said after a while. His grip on her arm tightened, as if expecting her to try to break away. "So they want to express what they saw."

"It's an abomination," she choked out. Humiliating tears welled up in her eyes.

Takeru seemed to hesitate. Then he stepped back, and his arms circled round her shoulders, locking her in a tight hug from behind. The warmth of his body flowed into her ice cold one, solid, real. Her mind flashed to another day, with a roiling sky black as night, when she'd come to in an unfamiliar bed with Takeru at her side and known, with a rush of deadly certainty, that she'd destroyed everything she ever cared about.

Her brother. Her beloved partner. Her friends.

By her own will.

She didn't know what she'd done. Or how. That almost made it worse, the not knowing. Her heart broke, watching her brother disappear in the earthquake. That was all. Her heart broke and she... stopped. And when she started again -

It was too late.

Tailmon had told her she didn't regret the fusion with Meicrackmon, that she'd been able to hold poor Meicoomon together, just a little longer. There was nothing for Hikari to regret, she said. Powers beyond her control. Yggrasil and Homeostasis felt they could wage their little war and pick their champions, and dispose of them when they felt like it. No sooner had she shaken off Homeostasis's hold over her that Ordinemon happened.

Hikari hated that once upon a time, she'd believed Homeostasis was a benevolent presence. That she'd willingly let her into her mind.

Now she didn't know what to believe.

Rage flared, hot as ice. Her whole world, none of it made sense anymore. She was adrift, she was unmoored, there was no safe harbor, not even in the brother who she loved like no one else. He could make a choice like that, to kill Meicoomon, to kill their friend's irreplaceable partner. The one person who deserved the most to be saved. And she'd helped, because that was what you did, on a team, at least, if you couldn't come up with a better plan yourself.

She realized she was shaking. Takeru only held her tighter, his nose buried in the crook of her neck.

"Hikari-chan," he said, and he sounded - terrified. "What if - what if it's not, though. What if it's not an abomination. What if..."

"How can you say that," she hissed frostily.

"I mean - I'm not saying it was good. I'm not saying I don't wish none of this had happened. But - I think - Ordinemon, she was created from despair, yours and Meicoomon's. She was used, and it tortured her. We freed her from that. She would have destroyed everything, even though it's not what she wanted, and she was in so much pain -"

"Stop!" Hikari yelled, pushing away from him. There was enough strength behind her need to get away and he was not expecting it, so he toppled to the floor while she raced out the exit. She kept running, hardly aware of dodging people on the sidewalk, and ran until she found herself in a small park with nothing but a two-seater swing set and metal slide. She sank into one of the swings and dropped her head in her arms. And cried.

Cried for Meiko, for Meicoomon. Cried for the future they would never have.

Cried for her brother, who had changed, and she understood why, but she still missed the way he used to be. Her guiding star.

Cried for herself, a lost comet streaking through an unfamiliar galaxy, wondering if she would vaporize shooting too close to an alien sun, or if she'd putter out slowly until she was nothing but lifeless, crumbling stone.

Her phone buzzed in her purse - Takeru, surely, trying to find her. On top of everything else, she'd ditched the boy she was stringing along, who cared about her, and who had tried so hard to let her know she wasn't alone. She didn't deserve Takeru. She would break up with him - she had to. He should be with someone stronger than her, who wasn't going to fall apart at the seams just from a silly piece of art at a museum gallery.

After a while the sobs let up enough that she could see without tears clouding her vision, and she figured she should at least let him know she was okay. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her messages.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to upset you.

12:35: Takaishi Takeru: where did you go? someone said you ran past the 7-11 but I have no idea where you went from there

12:37: Takaishi Takeru: please tell me where you are. If you don't want me to come, I won't. I can call someone if you want.

12:38: Takaishi Takeru: I just want to know you're okay

12:40: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan PLEASE respond

12:45: Takaishi Takeru: I asked at the 7-11 but they said they didn't see you. am walking around aimlessly now. no idea where to look.

12:48: Takaishi Takeru: hikari-chan if you don't reply soon I'm gonna have to call Taichi-san

12:52: Takaishi Takeru: wound up back at the train station, if you want to meet me here.

12:55: Takaishi Takeru: if you don't respond in five minutes I'm calling Taichi-san, I mean it.

12:58: Takaishi Takeru: I love you, by the way. think I always have. thought you might want to know

Fresh tears pricked her eyes. Leave it to Takeru. How could he pick now to spring that on her?

She should be happy. She wanted to be happy.

13:02: Me: I'm okay. I'm sorry. Go home. I'll talk to you soon.

Her finger hovered uncertainly over the keypad. She typed:

The real abomination is me.

Then she deleted it, and pressed Send.

---

Little though she wanted to go home, Hikari didn't have an excuse for staying out past dinner. She stayed in the little park until it started to get chilly. A couple times, the occasional grandma stopped to ask if she was alright, but she smiled and waved away their concerns. Finally, when twilight fell over the park in a gossamer curtain, she stood and stretched out the kinks in her back before heading back to the station. It felt like she'd been out much longer than a few hours. She thought briefly of asking a friend if she could spend the night, but didn't like the idea of needing to pretend to be peppy and cheerful.

On the ride back, she did a search on the artist who'd made the Ordinemon mosaic. Why, she had no idea. Some self-hating side that wanted her to hurt, she guessed.

The artist's name was Matsuyama Risa, a Tokyo-based sculptor, whose partnership with Fujii Fiber-optics had given birth to the displays they'd seen today. Hikari let her eyes skim the article, categorically uninterested in the number of lights used or how they were installed. What she wanted to know appeared like magic, tacked on at the very end of the article.

Art of Nippon Now: The last room in the showcase features a magical light-up mosaic of a subject that could be disconcerting for some viewers. What led you to recreate the monster that much of Tokyo watched terrorize the sky last month?

Matsuyama: I put that piece together in a feverish rush. Most of these installations took weeks to install, but I insisted on this one, even though it was such short notice. I had to have it. I heard that many people never saw more of her than her massive wings, but I happened to have a very clear view at the time. It made a huge impression on me.

ANN: You said her?

Matsuyama: It was a she. Or, perhaps it's better to say she might not have a gender,  but she deserves better than the pronouns we use for inanimate objects, things without personality.

ANN: Are you saying this monster was a person?

Matsuyama: I don't know if you heard her cries, but they were deafening. They reminded me of how my son wailed in the night when he was first born. We didn't know why he was so colicky. Nothing we did calmed him. I was so afraid that he wasn't getting enough sleep. It turned out he was very sick and we just didn't know. The illness was hidden. We spent many nights in the ICU, holding out hope that he would be alright. I remember thinking, if he wasn't, it would destroy our marriage.

ANN: That sounds like a terrible experience.

Matsuyama: When our son died, it was terrible, but it also came as a relief. At least we knew he was no longer suffering. I was depressed for months. I couldn't make any art. Every day I expected my husband to leave me. The first day I pulled myself together enough to sketch something, he said I should sketch our son sometime.

ANN: So your husband didn't leave?

Matsuyama: No. He stayed by my side. When I cried that he deserved a woman who could make him happy, who would give him healthy babies, he told me I was the strongest woman he knew, and that I'd given him the best son in the world.

ANN: Wow - would that we all meet men like that.

Matsuyama: And women. That's why, although the creature that appeared over Tokyo was very frightening to look at, when I heard her cries all I heard was suffering. I thought, that is a real creature, who wants her pain to be understood. She represents something. Perhaps she was sent to show us the harm we do when we choose not to act to help others. She shouldn't be forgotten.

ANN: So you memorialized her in this mosaic?

Matsuyama: Yes. It was the right moment, even though I had no time. I wanted to recreate her likeness using lights. I set her into a table, because I felt that putting her on a wall would be too imposing, and viewers would only remember the fear she engendered. Lying down, it would seem as if she were in a coffin, finally laid to rest. But she's lit from within, and it's the light of life, desperately clinging on till the final moment, the same as any being with a soul.

ANN: Did you ever complete the sketch of your late son?

Matsuyama: No. I never did. But I think I will soon. I want to lay him to rest in my heart.

ANN: It's interesting that when you say 'lay to rest,' you seem to mean we should remember them.

Matsuyama: Our memories make us who we are. The past is always with us. My son, that creature, they are both part of my journey, as an artist of course, but also as a person in the world. You could say my son is the light of the world and that creature is the darkness, but I hold both light and dark in me, just by existing and being human.

ANN: You added a quote to the piece that said something of that nature.

Matsuyama: Yes, from a Walt Whitman poem, 'Song of Myself.' The quote reads: "I am not the poet of goodness only, I do not decline to be the poet of wickedness also."

ANN: Maybe Whitman never expected his poem to be used in this way.

Matsuyama: That's the nature of art. It is a journey in and of itself. It fluctuates and changes to nourish the times. I hope everyone who sees my art understands that they are on a journey as well, and everything they do creates the work of art called "the future."

ANN: Thank you for your time, Matsuyama-sensei.

---

Her brother was home, but her parents were not. The arrangement of shoes in the entryway said as much. Taichi was seated at the kitchen counter, eating a bowl of noodles and reading something. He looked up when the door opened and pushed his seat back.

"Hikari - you okay?" He peered at her, concerned. "Takeru didn't do something stupid, did he?"

So Takeru hadn't told her brother that she'd run off. Gratitude flooded through her. "No, of course not."

"Good." Taichi's hand rifled through his hair, the other planted on his hip, and he looked perplexed. "Then why do you look like you've been crying all day?"

Hikari walked inside and sank down on the couch. "Because I have been crying all day."

She could feel his hesitance as he wavered in the hall, trying to decide if he should press her for more. If that was still something he was allowed to do. She knew he would try. He wouldn't be Taichi if he didn't.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, moving to sit on the arm of the couch, but he didn't relax, as if expecting her to tell him to leave her alone.

"No," she replied.

He nodded. "Okay." There was a pause. "You're sure Takeru didn't -"

"No, Oniichan."

"Okay, okay."

She sat there for a few minutes, staring blankly at the black TV screen. Soon Taichi slid off the arm into the seat beside her, allowing several inches of space between them. He didn't try to talk anymore. Didn't even get up to bring his bowl of noodles over, even though it was going to get cold.

Hikari tilted her head ever so slightly to peer at him. Dark circles ringed his eyes. She knew he hadn't been sleeping well. Something about his face looked more defined, less roundness to his jaw, starker cheekbones. Hadn't been eating much either, she guessed. It gave him an oddly grown up look. She would have to call him on losing weight from not taking care of himself, but that could wait for later. She was struck by how little he looked like their father. Everyone always said Hikari was the spitting image of her mom, so it seemed natural that Taichi should take after their dad, but though she searched she couldn't find many similarities. Taichi was just Taichi.

He gave a start when she leaned toward him and settled her head on his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

Hikari thought about many things.

How unbearable it was to feel helpless. How much she wanted everyone who cared about each other to be together, and for no one to suffer who didn't deserve it.  How deeply she loved her friends. How easy it was fall apart.

Maybe all that meant was her worldview had been too delicate to begin with. A painting on a porcelain vase wouldn't stand the test of time unless handled with the best of care. The real world was too chaotic, too disordered. She could wrap her dream in newspaper, cover it in packing peanuts, tape it into a box marked "Fragile," and it would still end up in shards. She would try to put it together again, but the pieces were sharp, and she kept cutting herself on them.

She still wanted it. So, so much.

"You stay that way. You can hate me if you want," her brother had told her. Trying to put everything on his own shoulders, as usual.

"I will probably never forgive you," she'd said, and wouldn't let him. "But that's why I'll fight with you."

"Oniichan," She slipped off his shoulder, buried her face in his chest. She didn't know how she could still have more tears, but they darkened her brother's shirt as her hands hugged him tight. "I'll always fight with you."

Surprised, he didn't move for a moment, but then his arms wrapped around her the same way they always had, ever since she was small. His grip was sure, but not out of naivety. Yes, he'd lost his innocence. It wasn't coming back. But what grew in his place, she realized, was his choice. And she got the feeling he'd already decided.

"That's good to know," he murmured softly, lashes brushing her cheek, and she thought they might be wet as well. "Because I'm never going to stop fighting for you."

They held each other for a long time.

---

The next day, Hikari showed up at Takeru's door with flowers and a box of chocolates. He made a funny face, looking her over.

"Flowers and chocolates? Shouldn't this be reversed?"

"Didn't know you were such a traditionalist," she joked. "But I'll eat these myself if they hurt your manly pride."

A hesitant grin spread over his face. "To hell with convention. Those are my chocolates, keep your paws off them."

It was silly, and cliche, but this was her life. She could be as silly and cliche as she wanted. She pulled his shoulders down and kissed him. It was light and quick, but he still looked flustered when they parted.

"My mom's home," he said with an unmistakable note of regret.

Hikari only nodded. "Figured. Video games and chocolates?"

The grin unfurled for real. "Yeah, that would be great."

Nothing had ended. She hadn't gotten over anything. But she felt, for the first time, that now she could accept it. It was a piece of who she was, and it would be a piece of who she became. But just who that person would be, she intended to decide for herself. Even if her path got buried under mountains of broken shards of glass, that was just a part of being Yagami Hikari.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes)."