#i totally feel like emerie would have a cat

[fendyr]

nothing can break us.

4/? acotar moodboards - emerie of illyria

for day 7 of @emerieweekofficial ♡

[wishcamper]

Cassian Appreciation Week Day Six: Birthday

here's a late night submish for birthday day for @cassianappreciationweek inspired by a summer i spent in the Outer Banks and some hardcore 2017 nostalgia

You can read it here or on ao3!

Hands Down

In which Nesta avoids her life in New York, and accidentally helps Cassian avoid his birthday.

CW: brief mention of rape, addiction, and verbal abuse

The words are hushed, let's not get busted Just lay entwined here, undiscovered Safe in here from all the stupid questions "Hey, did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear So we can get some My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me So won't you kill me, so I die happy? My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer. “Hands Down”, Dashboard Confessional

The warm blanket of the sun lay over her skin, cares drifting off with every gentle gust of the wind, gulls crying overhead instead of traffic, the smell of salt and sunscreen instead of smog.

The beach was beautiful, paradise, but mostly Nesta was just so fucking glad to be away from her life.

A Hot Girl Summer was exactly what she needed, according to her friends, at least to get the hell out of New York for the summer. There was no better way to reclaim herself than to join Emerie in her oceanside hometown, they said, to help her aging parents run the hotel they’d owned for decades on the Outer Banks. And on their days off to lounge on the sun-drenched beach drinking White Claws and talking shit and ranking the steamiest passages from their respective novels.

And, of course, checking out The Lifeguard.

They called him The Lifeguard because they didn’t know his name, but Emerie and Gwyn were too perceptive not to notice Nesta had been ogling him every chance she got. Forbidden catnip man , Gwyn sometimes called him, as he was everything Nesta denied she was attracted to even though she totally was: long hair, rough around the edges, covered in tattoos. Just admit you have a thing for men who look like they’ll ruin your life, Emerie said.

Nesta’s typical type skewed more straight-laced, finance guys and trust fund yuppies, or else the semi-starved academics who could quote Salinger but couldn’t find the clitoris. There was a comfort in knowing they’d turn out to be shitty, but it was all so fucking shallow, the idea of a couple instead of two people really into each other. In the end she got fed up, or they cheated, or some stupid argument made it clear that things were going nowhere.

It was never surprising, but the breakups always left her with a pit of self-doubt deep inside, that perhaps she was really the common denominator in all these relationships, that the treatment she got was earned.

And then there was Tomas. Her ex-fiance was different from the others, which she’d first thought was a good thing - understated, from a working-class family. Nothing electric about their dynamic, but steady, normal. He didn’t embarrass her at work events, didn’t flirt with her sisters. He would cat-sit occasionally for a friend, which she saw as a green flag. They dated for a few years without incident, and so when he proposed in front of Bethesda Fountain in Central Park, Nesta thought to herself, This is fine. 

I can make this work. I can figure out how to be happy.

Over the next year the venue was booked, dress bought, her conservative mother finally gave up on a religious ceremony. Then three months before the wedding Nesta got a DM from a girl claiming she’d slept with Tomas after meeting him at the Biergarten at The Standard. 

Nesta remembered that night vividly. Tomas had told her he wasn’t feeling well, and she’d assumed he didn’t answer her texts because he was sleeping, going so far as to send an Instacart delivery to his apartment with food and medicine.

The girl had receipts, and Nesta’s self-respect had no choice. When she’d gone to his apartment to break things off he verbally attacked her, spewing a laundry list of her worst fears. That if she’d put out more regularly, been more affectionate, a better fiance, he wouldn’t have needed to cheat on her. That what she saw as her autonomy was actually his inconvenience, and she was selfish for wanting it in the first place. Nesta remembered his face twisting with fury as if his skin was splitting open, revealing the monster who’d lived inside all along as she wondered if this was all her fault.

So she preferred to admire The Lifeguard from afar, afraid of what might emerge if she were to do something he didn’t like. Perhaps more afraid that something about her brought that side out in the men she dated, whatever flaw lay within.

They were giggling about Gwyn’s book now, a little tipsy from a few hours on the beach, the hum of a four wheeler passing by. Nesta felt the muscle between her neck and shoulder relax for the first time in months. She turned back to a juicy part in her own novel when a shadow blocked the sun, and she looked up to find The Lifeguard standing over her with a smirk on his stupid, handsome face.

“Oh it’s you! Nesta’s Life-” Gwyn said brightly, and Nesta suppressed the urge to kick her, though thankfully her friend caught herself. “-long dream is to, is for me to learn how to.. Surf? We saw you out with your friend the other day.””

Nesta would’ve covered her face in her hands if his eyes didn’t slide to her then, stealing all the breath from her fucking lungs. God, it had to be a crime to be that good-looking. Curly black hair thrown up in a bun, tattoos over his tanned chest and shoulders that would’ve looked douchey on anyone else, anyone who didn’t have the muscles for them to dip and swirl across. He had an annoyingly nice smile that made her want to be mean to him, though something about those mischievous hazel eyes made Nesta think he’d probably like it.

“That is very specific. I’d love to once you get rid of those,” he said, pointing to the cans buried in the sand beside them. “You know you can’t drink on the beach. I’m gonna have to ask you to pour those out.”

The Lifeguard smiled then, and she saw he had a dimple that made her want to chug her drink in front of him defiantly. His accent was like honey whisky. A giant red buoy was slung across his back, but he was so huge Nesta could only see the top poke over a tattooed shoulder, which annoyed her for some reason. Her voice came out harsher than she meant it to when she sat up on her elbow.

“Are you kidding? We’re not bothering anyone.”

“I know, but I really need to go bust those douchebags and they’ll give me shit if I leave y’all alone,” he said, crouching down right next to Nesta’s towel so he could whisper conspiratorially, indicating over his shoulder at a group of twenty or so frat guys who’d been at it for a while. “I’m telling you to pour it out. If it happens to fall into a cup on the way, like say the cups we have at the guard stand over there, then so be it.”

His breath smelled like cinnamon and Nesta felt her friends vibrating behind her from holding in their giggles, praying her face looked red from the sun and not her mortification.

“Fine. Thanks.”

“Thanks. And if you do ever want me to teach your.. friend how to surf, you know where to find me.” The Lifeguard had the audacity to wink at her then before standing and walking up the beach without so much as a backwards glance, Gwyn and Emerie dissolving into excited conversation the moment he was out of earshot.

“Nesta! Why didn’t you ask for his number?” Gwyn whacked Nesta on the arm, exasperated.

“Because he was reprimanding us, hardly sexy.”

“Mm, speak for yourself,” Emerie said, they all turned to watch him walk toward the rowdy group of guys, his red shorts hiding nothing.

Suddenly, The Lifeguard stilled, his body rigid and attention drawn to the shoreline. Nesta turned her head to where he was looking and saw nothing, but before she knew it a flash of red streaked by and he was racing toward the water, rescue buoy in hand, diving into the waves and paddling with strong arms toward where Nesta could now just make out a young boy’s head slipping under the water.

Activity exploded around them - the screeching of a whistle, another guard racing back to speak into a radio at the station, red light flashing atop it. People were standing and pointing, chatter sweeping down the beach and The Lifeguard had almost reached the boy who still wasn’t resurfacing, water spraying around him before he dove, the buoy a startling marker of where both were underwater now in the churning sea. Nesta felt dizzy and realized she was holding her breath, the seconds stretching into years in her mind until two heads broke the surface and all the air rushed out of her, mesmerized by the way he gently guided the child to the float and smiled .

Then he turned so his back was to the beach and began to kick toward the shore. She could see the boy nodding as if The Lifeguard were speaking to him, giving him instructions, before he tipped his head back and let himself be pulled. When they reached the surf another guard ran down to meet him, and Nesta realized an ambulance had arrived, two EMTs jumping out in preparation.

The next half hour was a whirlwind of flashing lights and higher-ups coming to file reports, gawkers and bottleneckers crowding the parking lot. Nesta saw The Lifeguard chewing out who she guessed was the kid’s father, a man so drunk he leaned against the guard station to stay upright, sunburnt with unfocused eyes.

At last the ambulance cleared the parking lot, no lights or sirens as the boy was awake and talking. Emerie said it was probably protocol to get evaluated for something called ‘dry drowning’.

“Yeah, it can kill you even hours after you get out of the water. Not worth the risk.”

The Lifeguard had come up behind them somehow and was watching the ambulance turn onto the main road. Gwyn beamed in that way she did where her face became the sun, grasping him on the forearm.

“That was really impressive. I’m so glad you were able to get to him.”

“All in the job,” he said vaguely, waving a bored hand. Nesta couldn’t help but notice it was shaking. “Let’s talk about nicer things. Are y’all working here for the summer or just visiting?”

“I grew up down in Kill Devil Hills,” Emerie said, shading her eyes to look up at him. “My parents run The Windhaven. Gwyn and Nesta are escaping New York for the summer with me.”

“You might know my friend Rhys’ family, the Nights.”

Emerie snorted. “You mean the Nights who own half of Corolla? Yeah, I know them.”

“I’m Cassian,” he said directly to Nesta then, a look in his eyes she didn’t recognize, and that feeling of wanting to be mean to him rose once more. “We’re having a party tonight if you want to come by.”

There was a shuffle in which Gwyn and Emerie somehow couldn’t find their phones, forcing Nesta to hand over hers for The Lifeguard - Cassian - to put his number in. He typed for an absurdly long time as he and Emerie continued to chat about people they both knew before handing the phone back to Nesta, turning to leave with a little salute.

“So we’re going right?” Gwyn said, bouncing up on her toes with a vigor usually reserved for karaoke night at The Brass Monkey.

“Oh absolutely,” said Emerie. “I have to see how disgustingly huge their house is.”

Nesta ignored their matching grins and looked at her phone to where this supposed mansion was, how much of a pain it would be to go. Cassian had sent a text to himself, an address for somewhere in the Four Seasons complex, and saved his number as ‘Nesta’s Lifeguard’. 

It was followed by an emoji of waves and, absurdly, a bat.

—

Cassian couldn’t believe he was sitting across from the hottest woman he’d ever seen and it was his birthday and she was at his house and oh god there were so many ways this could go wrong.

Mor went all-out for his birthday as usual, flickering lights in the magnolias, Jell-O shots and jungle juice, her signature ‘Get Everyone Laid’ playlist pouding from the outdoor speakers of the giant Night estate. It still boggled his mind sometimes how wealthy she and her cousin were, despite living in proximity to it for nearly two decades.

Cassian wasn’t in the mood for celebrating though, his body still humming with adrenaline after the close call on his shift. He’d swallowed the more colorful insults he’d wanted to hurl at the kid’s father, recognizing it was his own shit coming up, the past becoming present as his therapist would say. His image of his own deadbeat dad was rotten at the best of times, though it always festered more strongly on his birthday.

There wasn’t any use in running from the facts: his father had raped his mother, she’d given birth to him while addicted to heroin, and then he’d been in the system long enough to leave a few scars before getting a long-term placement with the Nights. They’d tried over the years to make his birthday a happy time, but it never took. And so another sad kid hated his birthday, then turned into an adult who pretended it didn’t happen. Case fucking closed.

But Mor wanted a party, and so a party they were having. And Cassian couldn’t be too annoyed with her given it was the perfect opportunity to ask The Librarian to speak to him for more than five chilly seconds.

Nesta, a name as unique and lovely as she was. Not the name he’d imagined for her when he snuck glances from the chair, though he’d never pegged her as a Brittany or a Chelsea or any else so common. In his head he started calling her the Librarian, because every day he saw her she had a new book, and every day she’d leave having finished it. God, she was so, so far out of his league.

He’d nearly choked on his beer when she and her friends walked through the back gate, drawn by the sounds of the party in full swing. Azriel clapped a knowing hand on his shoulder and pushed him forward, encouraging, as if Cassian weren’t already spearing toward her to intercept her group before Mor or Rhys tried to hijack them. They both loved to compete over women, and though Mor had the better average Rhys was the winner for repeat customers. Cassian himself had the highest count the first few weeks of summer, but he’d dropped off the ranking altogether the first time The Librarian laid down in front of him on her powder blue towel.

Cassian showed them around to buy time, the cavernous house large enough to get lost in. Her redheaded friend was fascinated by the elevator, but he saw the way her sunset sound-colored eyes lingered on the secluded porch swing, wondered if she was picturing herself curled up there with a book.

From there the evening went surprisingly well, all told, his friends giving him a wide enough berth which they likely considered a birthday gift. Once Nesta shot a few glares at them when they tried to hover nearby, eavesdropping, and Rhys winked at him over her shoulder, crossing himself for prayer and mouthing Good luck .

But Nesta seemed to like talking to him for some reason, didn’t try to drift away or lose him like women did when they weren’t interested. He even managed to be funny despite usually losing all his wits when he really liked someone, which was a blessing as it allowed him to hear her tinkling laugh above the music. A lock of her hair brushed his shoulder when she tipped her head back and he was so fucking gone, so nervous about doing something to mess this up.

As the party wound down they ended up on a couple of sun loungers pushed together by the pool. Cassian was mystified that Nesta was still here, still talking to him about New York, tide patterns, his childhood cat Devlon. There was nothing she didn’t have an opinion about, and when her smooth leg brushed his, the coconut scent of her lotion begged him to run his tongue all the way up to where her freckle-dusted skin disappeared beneath her shorts.

Cassian excused himself before he lost his head, and once back in the kitchen for a refill Rhys and Mor cornered him, demanding to know why he wasn’t halfway inside The Librarian already.

“Y’all are creepy, you know that?”

Mor’s tongue was bright blue from the Jell-O shots when she stuck it out at him, Rhys’ waving a bored hand in front of his face. “You never wait this long. You must be head over heels.”

“He is,” Azriel mumbled as he shuffled in, noise-canceling headphones slung around his neck. “He turned down that girl we met at Avalon pier yesterday.”

Cassian said nothing, only stuffed his head farther into the fridge to reach the two non-shit beers he’d stashed in the back. He could smell Mor’s cherry chapstick when she leaned down beside him, her eyes narrowed in scrutiny when he turned. 

“Oh my god, you like her!”

“We’re just talking, nothing is happening.”

They didn’t believe him, obviously, but were kind enough to only smirk after him as he went back outside to where he’d left Nesta lounging on a deck chair. 

“Follow me,” he said furtively, adding when she looked confused, “My friends are being assholes, I don’t want to subject you to that.” They had a few minutes lead time before the vultures descended, and he didn’t want his nosy housemates fucking this up.

“Assholes about what?” She twirled a lock of gold-brown hair around her finger, silver nail polish flashing in the low lights surrounding the pool. “Oh, because you want to fuck me.”

She said it like it was a test he’d already failed, and Cassian was so caught off guard by the whole thing his response came out stammering, over-cautious.

“No, no, not at all.”

Her brow furrowed, confusion flickering across her face. “You don’t?”

Just then Mor’s laugh sparkled above them as she heaved the sliding door open and stepped onto the upper deck, followed by Rhys’ voice asking, “Where the hell did Cass go?”

“He better be getting his dick sucked so he’ll stop being so grumpy.”

“A hundred bucks says the closest she gets to his balls is a swift kick.”

Cassian was grateful for the darkness that hid his blush as they crept on silent steps to the end of the dock, past where the lights could pick out their silhouettes against the midnight bay. Back at the house they could see the others playing beer pong now on the deck, Nesta’s red-headed friend - Gwen? - bouncing up and down in victory after making a shot. He buried his surprise that Az had yet to go to bed despite his 7:00am shift start, and couldn’t help but wonder if a certain pair of long, slender legs had anything to do with it.

Smirking to himself, Cassian produced the beers from his hoodie and Nesta cracked one open.

“Done policing my drinking now, are you?”

“Just doing my job, Nes. You’re lucky I didn’t bust you for reading porn in public. There are children around, you know.”

She gave a defiant sniff and sipped her beer primly, the night wind whipping her hair about her heart-shaped face. “If women enjoying their sexuality intimidates you, just say so.”

He grinned, a thrill running through him at how self-possessed she was. Most women he dated were either under- or over-impressed by him, neither one earned, but he felt like Nesta was challenging him to rise to her level, to show up unapologetically as she was.

“You’re the only one who intimidates me, sweetheart, but I get the feeling you like it that way.”

She started shivering once the wind kicked up, and he offered her the hoodie too after a while, the gray fabric swallowing her, long sleeves pooling around her wrists. She looked so fucking cute he had to concentrate hard on what she was saying, though he couldn’t avoid the dopey grin that surely split his face in half watching her wave her arms about as she described their encounter with the rowdy group after he’d finished work. Apparently the guys had tried to pick up Nesta and her friends, albeit unsuccessfully.

“They thought it was going really well. It made me a bit sad for them, actually. Are your friends upset?”

The sharp turn in topic threw him, but Nesta just stared at him in that same increasing way, demanding truth in everything. Cassian swallowed, deciding to chance just that, to tell her what only three other people at that party knew.

“They’re fine, just pissed because I’m not letting them give me alcohol poisoning for my birthday.”

“Today is your birthday?” 

“Yeah.”

“This is your birthday party, the party we’re currently at.” Nesta looked flabbergasted, one hand at her forehead, the other gripping his arm.

“Uh huh.”

She released his arm and quirked her head to the side then, eyes narrowing. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I don’t really feel like celebrating. My birth wasn’t exactly a happy occasion.”

Her expression fell into one of understanding, and Cassian felt the rest of the truth stick in his throat, too dense and painful to dredge up now. Nesta scooted a bit closer and allowed her thigh to rest against his, her skin warm in the night air.

“Is that little boy okay?” she asked quietly, and for a terrifying moment he thought she was asking about his fucking inner child before remembering the rescue earlier.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Well, he has a negligent fucking father, but physically he’s fine.”

Cassian was surprised when she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He dared to pick up her hand and hold it, and when she didn’t immediately pull away he stroked the back with a thumb, tracing the bones.

“Look, my friends - they can be pushy,” he sighed. “I just want to be clear that I don’t have any expectations of you. I’m having a really good time just doing this.”

“Thanks. I’d gathered as much, but it’s nice to hear out loud. I’ve sort of sworn off men for the moment, anyway.”

Her hair was rippling behind her in ribbons and she looked so beautiful amongst the elements like this, but there was a sadness, a grief about her he’d never noticed before. As her words registered Cassian flipped her hand over and traced the lines of her palm. There was that piercing authenticity again, and it made him feel bold even as he fully expected her to shove him off the dock into the sound.

“Look, I don’t want to be presumptuous but you did come to my party. And I can’t even say it was for the free booze, because that’s the only drink you’ve had all night. Your friends have let you be all night. So if you’ve sworn off men, then why are you here?”

She didn’t answer, looking away, but he felt the pulse of chemistry between them, sharp and aching. Whatever National Geographic pheromones her body was giving off sent him into caveman brain, but even more so he wanted to pull her closer, to press his lips to the soft skin of her neck.

“Why are you here, Nes?” he repeated, squeezing at her hand until she looked back at him.

“Because I wanted to see if I could do it. Talk to a guy and have it be normal, feel nice.” Her voice was shaking, palm turning slick with sweat. “And it has. Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a while after that, listening to the waves lapping against the dock, the quiet rippling of the sound until she launched back into the story of the bros from the beach and they were off once more.

As the moon sank lower he took his phone out and shined it close to the water, pointing out the spade-shaped flounder on the bottom, their creepy, crowded eyes making Nesta shudder and draw her feet up from where they’d been dangling over the edge. Too bright to go gigging , he told her, and a blue crab scuttled by under the light, tiny claws raised with bravado.

“They say nature has an aspiration to be crab-like. Apparently evolution has made and remade crabs around five to six times,” she replied, and his heart was about to explode for wanting to kiss her. 

She was so sharp, so interesting it staggered him. Cassian knew he was right to have named her The Librarian, some freaky premonition, because she knew fucking everything about everything. He ran her through an exhaustive list of topics, her gestures getting more and more animated, smile flashing with the thrill of winning his game. Finally he discovered she knew nothing about constellations, and instead of gloating he pointed out Scorpius and Sagittarius, lining their arms up with her wrist in his grasp, drawing her pointed finger between dots in the sky.

The porch lights back at the house shut off before either thought to look at the time, and Cassian watched Nesta scroll through a few texts, finger twirling once more in her wind-tousled hair.

“Do you need a ride?” he asked, but she shook her head.

“My friends are already home, I was going to get a car.”

“Not many Ubers after 2:00. Let me take you home.”

They walked over to the ocean side and rode down the deserted beach on a pilfered four-wheeler from the guard stand. Moonlight casting everything in a silvery glow, gentle waves lapping at the shore. He told her over his shoulder about a time they’d tricked Rhys into eating a bowl of sea oats when they were younger, drawing forth once more that world-changing laugh.

As the houses grew closer together along the shore he felt her rest her head on his shoulder, and her breath tickled his neck as she yawned quietly. Everything felt very fast and very slow at the same time, some sort of delicious chaos that made him dizzy enough he had to grip the handlebars tighter to avoid tipping over. When they arrived at her house Cassian was punch-drunk and heated, so he was delighted when she accepted his offer to walk her to the door. 

He hopped the fence to unlatch the gate from the inside, didn’t miss the way her eyes roved over his arms when he secured the lock at the top once she’d passed through. They stood there for a moment under the porch lights, moths fluttering, staring as if waiting for the other to say goodnight first so as to not be responsible for ending this.

“I’m trying to think of something rude to say to make you go away, but I’m drawing a blank. I like you,” Nesta said. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I do. Like you.”

Then Cassian felt he might like his birthday after all as she leaned upward and kissed him like she meant it.

A few magical moments later she pushed off from his chest and smiled, disappearing into the house, the cool rush of AC carrying the scent of coconut out into the night. He was smiling so hard his jaw might break as he vaulted back over the fence, hopped onto the four-wheeler and drove home as fast as he dared, wind screaming in his ears, though nothing could sweep away the feel of her lips on his, the soft curve of her waist under his hand. The way he felt like he already knew her, had known her forever, and this was just the beginning of something that would change his entire fucking life.

About a mile from the house, Cassian paused to look out over the ocean, the briny tang filling his nose and lungs. Seagrass whispered along the dunes, and he saw the eyes of a ghost crab light up when he pulled out his phone, scuttling toward a thatch of seaweed where it disappeared.

Az: hey i can’t cover your afternoon on saturday, i’m taking the redhead surfing Mor: SO BABY PULL ME CLOSER IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR ROVER honestly get a new gimmick, the four-wheeler thing is getting not cute but if it ain’t broke yknow Rhys: Happy Birthday, I hope the prickly one is giving you a nice present. Rhys: I might have already stalked her instagram Rhys: And I also might have sent her sister a dm Rhys: Have fun Cassie 😄

He was about to put the phone back in his pocket when another notification popped up, one that made him feel like his body, his soul, his whole world was made from moonlight.

Cassian’s Librarian 📖🦀: call me later Cassian’s Librarian 📖🦀: i mean it Cassian’s Librarian 📖🦀: i know where you live

[lilithsaga]

15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @emery-matsushita-vt (Thank youuuuu~!)

Are you named after anyone?

Yes, I am named after the first and most well-known succubus, Lilith. It is a common name among succubi, as I also have a great grandmother with the same name.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. I've always been a crybaby. But at least it was a good cry yesterday... from someone unexpected complimenting my writing ability. 🥹

Do you have kids?

Hell no! I can't even take care of myself, let alone a kid. I'm not putting children through that.

What sports do/have you played?

Fencing... at least in University. Who doesn't want to stab people with swords? And the fencing community itself is actually really supportive and friendly. I actually met my current partner through fencing. (If you love someone, stab them with an epee) 🤺

Do you use sarcasm?

On occasion, but I don't think I use it often enough. When I was younger, I had a hard time understanding sarcasm and still struggle with it today every once in a while. It's just hard to tell sometimes whether a person is joking or being genuine/passive aggressive. When I use sarcasm, I try to go over the top with inflection to try and make it obvious I'm joking. Just want to make it easier for others.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

How they make me feel. I get this is supposed to be a physical description thing, but I usually won't pay attention to someone unless they have something that gets a reaction out of me. If they wear a shirt I like, I notice. If they successfully throw a ball of paper in the trash while yelling "Michael Jordan," I notice. If they like one of my comments online, I notice. All of those things make me feel joy and help me notice the person who did the thing. 😊

What's your eye color?

Purple 🟣

Scary movies, or happy endings?

Happy endings. Yeah, it's cliche, but I feel bad for people who don't reach a satisfying conclusion. And scary movies can be fun, but I watch them more for the story than the jump scares and grotesque aesthetics. It's great if a movie makes me uncomfortable with it's writing, but being uncomfy isn't something I like feeling.

Any talents?

None that I feel confident enough in to be deemed "Ultimate" or "Super High School Level" but I am able to write words on a page... so that's a thing, right?

Where were you born?

The American Underworld. To compare it to somewhere in the Overworld, I guess you could say I live in the Midwestern United States.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, video editing, gaming, listening to video essays, watching vtubers, reading fanfiction, daydreaming about random nonsensical things.

Do you have any pets?

Nope, never grew up with any and never felt comfortable taking care of one for the longest time. But my partner has a cat that I would protecc with my last dying breath.

How tall are you?

I am 5' 6" which is about average female height I think?

Favorite subject in school?

Creative writing. No surprise huh? English was okay, but other students made it disruptive and teachers focused more on sentence diagrams than actual storytelling.

Dream job?

I would love to do vtubing full-time, but don't think it will ever be realistic. I wish I had more time to write and create fictional worlds. But if I can't find the words, I also wouldn't mind video editing and slicing segments in a timeline to create a story that way.

.

..

...

Uhhh... oh shit! Now I have to tag 15 friends? Hmmmm... well Emery already tagged Tor and Axo... among others I know... *realizes I don't have a big friend group at all* uhhhhhh okay okay. I call upon the power of friends and mutuals!!

@yuzu-adagio @drakamut @azure-shades-of-blue @marvellovelacevt @draconick @slash-gallagher @vchuuberyl @overlord-jarvis @aurumatom @itsdracool @maidgamerclaire @saliferousanimations @moonfeatherblue @sisallacertavt @hatenayuri

Sorry if you've already been tagged or are not interested in doing these kinds of things! Totally allowed to ignore this! But I just think y'all are cool and deserve to let others know more about you if you wanna.

Thank you for reading!!

[broodybatboy]

ACOTAR characters during

🦇👻🎃✨ Spooky Season ✨🎃🔮💀

ACOTAR during spooky season....🦇🎃✨

Feysand + Nyx: That Family™ Spend all their time gushing about their baby's first Halloween. Dresses up in adorable family costumes like three bears or the minions. Throw the biggest party in town complete with music, dancing, games, and elaborate decor. Definitely give out full-size candy bars.

Cassian: "this is my excuse to get naked and be annoying" Dresses up as something ridiculous that lets his nips free. Like a Greek god or a sexy fruit. "Pff. I'm not scared" *immediately screams when startled* Knows all the moves to Thriller. Starts a prank war. Acts macho but is actually a total scaredy-cat.

Nesta: witchy vibes all around. She's scary and sexy. LOVES Halloween. Dresses up like a witch with a deep V and pointy hat. Eats all the chocolate. Freaks out people by memorizing hexes and chants. Can't keep her hands off Cassian. Plans to pin him down on a pentagram and do things to him.

Azriel: the unsuspecting enthusiast. Nobody thought he would dress up but ends up with one of the best costumes. Like a cool vampire or a really hot pirate. Expert with a knife so carves the best jack-o-lanterns. Super sneaky. Loves to jump out and spook Cassian. First in line for the Haunted House. Laughs at things that should be scary. Literally nothing can scare Azriel.

Gwyn: the adorable traditionalist. Loves all the classics. Knows all the lore, history, and tons of spooky stories. Gets super excited like a child. Dresses up as a book character or something historical. Spent weeks making her own costume. Beats Azriel in the costume contest. Sings the Monster Mash and loves playing games.

Emerie: Too cool for Halloween. Content sitting by the fireplace and passing out candy. Loves cozy vibes and warm drinks. Into cult classic films. Wears a "This is my costume" t-shirts but is a good sport. The responsible one of the group and makes sure everyone is being safe and having a good time.

Mor: The Life of the Party. Loves a slutty costume moment. Goes all out with her outfit. She pretty much just wants to get drunk and party with her friends. Unfazed by the horror. You can't scare her. Literally grew up in Hell. Oh, you're dressed like a demon? I thought you were my dad.

Amren: the scary Goth babe. Absolutely terrifying. Knows all your fears. Takes the season way too seriously. Dresses up as something horrifying. Sits in a graveyard 'just for fun.' Thinks Cassian looks ridiculous and scares him all night. Terrorizes children. This is fake blood?

Lucien: the Autumnal King 🍁👑 Embraces the season and goes all out. Loves the outdoors, campfires, the smell of cinnamon. Feels nostalgic and a little bit pretentious. Almost dressed up like Beron bc what could be scarier than your trauma? He is ready for a good time and loves to party.

Elain: the pumpkin spice latte of the group. Dresses up as a cute woodland creature like a deer or a mouse. Gets freaked out by the gore and the horror. More into the cutesy side of Halloween. Loves pumpkin patches and apple picking. Bakes pumpkin-shaped cookies and apple-flavored treats

Tamlin: No one invited him. Dressed up like a werewolf. Passes out toothbrushes instead of candy. A bit of a creep. Steals candy from children. His house definitely gets TP’d and egged. Haunted by the ghost of his past failures and toxic behavior.

The House™: It’s time to shine. Turns into the Haunted House! cobwebs! pumpkins! glow in the dark bats! skeletons in every closet! Bring out the fog! Release the spiders! Blasting 🎼🔊THIS IS HALLOWEEN! THIS IS HALLOWEEN! 🎼🔊 Bryaxis...come out come out wherever you are.... (cassian shrieks in the distance)

[moodymelanist]

Az adopting a cat who’d follow him everywhere and snuggle with him in bed but then it met Gwyn and it decided she’s now it’s new master and is totally smitten with her. Az would need to video call Gwyn at 3 in the morning because the cat wouldn’t stop meowing/crying until it sees and hear Gwyn.

This is so freaking adorable ahhhhhh 🐈‍⬛

After the third night in a row of calling his girlfriend to get his new cat to settle down, Azriel realized he never should have introduced Shadow to Gwyn. He couldn’t exactly blame his cat for being so attached to her — hell, he was too — but the routine was getting old, fast.

He’d adopted the little guy on a whim, mostly because he was so tired of coming home to an empty apartment every night. Gwyn came over as much as she could, but considering she was in grad school, it wasn’t as much as either of them would’ve liked. Work and their own lives kept Rhys and Cassian from coming over as much, Mor and Emerie had just moved in together, and he wouldn’t dare disturb Amren while she was preparing for one of the biggest trials of her budding law career. So, he was mostly on his own these days, and that was where Shadow had come in.

Gwyn had come with him to look at cats on one of her rare free nights, and Azriel had known right away that Shadow was the perfect cat for him. Shadow was a black cat with pretty green eyes, and he was relaxed and laid back and started climbing all over Azriel for cuddles when one of the employees had let him out. Azriel had taken him home that day, and Gwyn had helped him pick out all the necessary products since she had her own cat.

All had seemed well when Azriel had settled down for bed and Shadow had snuggled up next to him purring up a storm, but right when he’d started to drift off, Shadow had let out the most horrifying noise. It was the closest thing Azriel had ever heard to a cat wailing, and he hadn’t been sure what to do. The litter box had been scooped, there was plenty of food out, and he hadn’t stopped petting his new furry friend since they’d all gotten back from the shelter.

So he’d done the only thing left: called his girlfriend. She’d answered on the last ring and Shadow had immediately settled down seeing her pretty face on the screen, so the three of them had fallen asleep on FaceTime like a little family.

It had been cute the first two times it had happened, but as his phone rang, Azriel found himself missing when he didn’t have to do this. It was always a pleasure to call Gwyn, but he felt horrible and guilty for waking her up.

“I am so sorry,” he apologized once she’d answered, raising his voice to be heard over his cat’s screams.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, her voice groggy. Half her face was covered by her blue comforter and he wished he was there to tuck her in properly. “Where’s the little guy?”

She’d barely finished speaking before Shadow was practically sitting on Azriel’s face in his haste to see her. She chuckled sleepily as the noise died down to purring instead.

“Hi, my baby,” she cooed. Shadow purred even louder once he realized she was talking to him, and even though Azriel knew it was irrational to be jealous of his own cat, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of it.

“I thought I was your baby,” he grumbled.

“Of course you are,” she replied. “But Shadow is my extra special baby.”

Azriel scratched his cat behind the ears as his girlfriend used her baby voice to soothe his companion, content to listen to the sound of her voice as it lulled him back to sleep. He’d been seconds away from nodding off when she said his name and jolted him back to attention.

“Hmm?” he replied, half-awake.

The sound of her soft laugh made him completely melt. “Why don’t I come over tomorrow and avoid all the yelling in the first place? Maybe I can bring Merrill and see how they get along?”

“Whatever brings you over here,” he said with a yawn. “Fuck, I’m tired.”

“Me too,” she replied. He cracked an eye open to see she was smiling softly at him. “I’m glad you’re sleeping more, pretty boy.”

“I’ll sleep more when you’re here,” Azriel said cheekily. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Gwyn blew him a kiss before snuggling back under her covers. “Now go to sleep. I have class at nine tomorrow.”

[whumblr]

Reminiscent

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1 - Continued from Part 50

-

A harsh shove in the back made Jay fall against the boot of the car but he stopped himself from falling in. He held his hands to the lid, like a cat fighting against being forced into its carrier.

The cold feeling of the muzzle of the gun against his neck told him to obey, to get in, but he absolutely refused, his body completely locking up in solidarity with the protest.

“No… no, no,no!” Jay hyperventilated. He was not getting in that trunk!

The gun against the back of his neck disappeared and the man spun him around and placed the muzzle on the underside of his chin, tilting his head up.

“Listen man. You can get in there dead or alive. Up to you. All I have to do is pull this trigger and you’ll fall in by yourself anyway.”

Jay stopped breathing.

“So what do you say?”

The hammer clicked and Jay lost control of his legs. He slumped down to his knees at the feet of the man, shook violently and just kept spluttering: “Alive. Alive! Please! Don’t, I’ll—“

He recoiled hard as the gun was pulled away and held up in a threatening backhand.

“Shut the fuck up.”

The men didn’t bother waiting for Jay to calm down or to get up. They lifted him by the arms, actually pulled his feet off the ground – to which he yelped – and dumped him unceremoniously into the trunk.

Before he could even grunt out in pain, the world went dark with a solid thunk that made the car shake a little and he was trapped.

His hands automatically moved up, searching and actually pushing at the lid which, of course, didn’t budge an inch. And there was no latch or anything on the inside. So then what next? Kick out the tail lights? He felt around in the dark – startled by the vibrations of the car as it came to live – but he couldn’t feel anything, just rough carpet and metal.

In his desperation he tried aiming random kicks at the back, hoping he would hear something crack. But nothing happened.

Until he felt the car stop and his breathing stopped right along. He felt and heard the two doors slamming shut.

Suddenly, he really didn’t want to get out. If they could just forget about him, that was totally fine! This was now his safe place. Dark, cramped, and scary. But safe.

Unless... no, they wouldn’t...right?! Dump the car in the river?! Filling it up with freezing cold rising water?! Or worse, lit the car on fire. Go out with a bang? While he whimpered? Would be a solution without leaving too much evidence?!

He drove himself mad thinking about all the ways Emery could get rid of him and almost cried out in relief when the boot opened. A short-lived relief as he was now literally face to face with his actual dire situation.

The gun pointed in his face and he put his hands out in surrender.

“Get out.”

He awkwardly clambered half out of the car, movement constricted by fear. Too slow, for the already impatient men. One of the guys grabbed his arm, pulled him out and, keeping his wrist in a tight grip, forced it to his back.

Dread filled him as he heard the rattling click of handcuffs and he panicked when he felt cold metal around his wrist. He tried to yank back and struggled with a pathetic mewl, trying to get away. But as he turned, wanting to use the momentum to break free, something cold and hard smashed against his face.

It threw him against the now closed trunk and before he could even think about pushing off against it, a hand snatched him by the back of his neck and shoved his head down with great force.

His vision exploded. His body went limp, merely held up by the merciless grip on his neck that kept pressing him against the lid of the trunk, and two other pairs of hands on his arms that were now twisted behind his back without resistance.

“Getting tired of this,” he heard a growl above him. And the man smashed the gun down next to his head with a loud thunk, but Jay was too far out of it to even flinch from the sound or to see the blood on the barrel.

With some effort he lifted his head, rested his chin on the cool metal.

Pain pressed against his consciousness, against his senses as it drowned out his hearing and clouded his vision. Blood tickled down over his forehead, splitting its path to run over his temple, over his brow. A single drop clung to his eyelashes, coating the shiny black of the car with a red hue for a second before he blinked and it dropped.

A final clicking sound and something digging into the skin of his wrist signalled that he now couldn’t move his hands anymore.

He was pulled away from the car, slumped into the arms of the two men who now dragged him off. He tried to keep up, stumbling along, but had to give up. The toes of his shoes scratched along cement and into something softer. He could hear the crunching of grit under boots, could vaguely see the outlines of fences against the setting sun before that sun disappeared and darkness took over again.

In his state it took him a second to realise that he wasn’t fading out, but that he was now dragged into a dark building.

He was dropped to the floor. Grunted as he landed on his bad shoulder. He stayed down, laying on his side with his hands behind his back.

"What did you do to him?" He vaguely heard a cold voice ask. The voice sounded slow, heavy and warped, like he was listening from under water.

"Knocked him out. He was being annoying."

"He’s still awake, though." Another voice.

"Good," the cold voice said again. “Thank you.”

He could vaguely make out four figures, one surrounded by the others. He saw a flurry of movement. Heard a vague grunt. Saw one of the figures step away and move towards him and he scooted back in fear.

He shook his head, trying to dispel the fuzzy filter that blurred the world. Blinked hard to force everything to shift into focus.

A pair of black, shiny dress shoes stepped into the focused field of his vision and stopped in front of him.

“Oh, you are quite out of it, aren’t you? Not to worry, Mr. Fawcett. We’ll be with you in a minute. Try to acclimatise in the meantime.”

Wh-at…?

That puffy, posh voice could only be Emery.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, willing his eyes to let the darkness fall away and adjust to the bit of light there was.

And as it did, the room shifted into focus.

Where was he? God, it was so dark; just a single beam of a spotlight illuminating the scene and the men in front of him. The rest of his surroundings veiled in darkness. The room was too large to see all, he just saw tall windows, and... they were broken, most of them. Some last remnants of daylight trickled through holes in the roof, through the steel trusses, lighting up dust particles and shining flickering rays onto the columns. Some industrial building?

Or no, it was more like a— His heart skipped a beat and it felt like the ground just opened up underneath him.

Like a warehouse.

His breath hitched and a deep fear crept under his skin as he realised where they were. His stomach turned violent and he wanted to throw up as he recognised the large, empty hall.

“No…” he murmured in disbelief. “No, no, no…” kept trying to deny it as he recognised more and more of the building. The warehouse where it all started, where he found the crate, was caught, was tortured, by—

A sickening crunch and bit-off grunt brought him back to the scene in front of him.

This time he recognized Zayne, surrounded by Emery and two men, one who was actively beating him to pulp.

Zayne sat high up on his knees, fists cuffed behind his back. Blood dribbled down his chin, staining his stubble red, and dripped onto his white t-shirt.

His leather jacket lay discarded behind him, crumpled in a heap.

Emery, fully suited as if he’d just returned from a day at the office – wouldn’t surprise Jay – stood a step behind the two men, with his arms crossed and a gaze like fire looking down on Zayne. Unlike Jay, he didn’t so much flinch or wince with every crunch against bone, every pained gasp.

With a brutal punch to the face Zayne slumped over, trembling all over to force himself to stay upright on his knees.

“St-Stop! Stop it!” Jay croaked.

He flinched as everyone turned their attention to him. He noticed Emery’s eyes narrow and the man stepped away from Zayne.

“Stop?” he asked. “Wouldn’t you like to see more? Because I’m not sure Zayne has had enough.”

“He’s black and blue and bleeding all over!” Jay yelled. “What more do you want?!”

“Did that ever stop him with you?”

Jay winced at that. “....no. But this has nothing to do with me. And unlike you, I don’t want to see him like this!”

“Oh, Mr. Fawcett,” Emery almost purred with a soft laugh in his voice. “This has everything to do with you.”

He stepped towards Jay and crouched down in front of him. “Because I’m pretty sure you’re the reason that he has to be punished for his disloyalty.”

With a nod to the two men behind Jay, the same ones who brought him in, Jay was pulled up and forced to his knees.

“You’ve been trying to link his crimes to me, I heard,” Emery cooed.

A gloved hand reached out to Jay and he flinched as it cupped his face, tilting it up to make him look Emery in those cold grey eyes.

“How, exactly, were you planning to condemn me, Mr. Fawcett?” His voice turned icy cold again. “When all you’ve done is point out the crimes your tormentor has committed. How do you plan to point guilt at a man who’s guilty of nothing but employing a man who was all too eager to get rid of his debt, to fall into my good graces.”

“You...” Zayne snarled.

“Where is your prove?” Emery pressed.

This... this couldn’t be happening, right? He would still deny it?!

“Zayne will testify,” Jay said, confident but in a shaky voice.

“Zayne?” Emery threw his head back and his laughter rang through the empty hall. “Zayne will soon be dead. Killed by his own target of revenge who couldn’t take it anymore.”

The hairs on Jay’s arms stood up straight as he realised he was talking about him.

“No...” he whispered and suddenly it made sense why they were here. Hearing that diabolical plan made it feel like the air was knocked straight from his lungs. “No, I won’t!”

“A target who in his desperation reached the unthinkable conclusion and, now alone in a barren room, too succumbed to his wounds,” Emery continued, nodding to himself before he stood. “You won’t have to do it yourself. It’s the story we’ll create. And you two have made a very convincing story, I must say. However…”

He accepted a gun from one of his men, cocked it by racking the slide, and held it out to Jay in a gloved hand.

“I do advice you to fulfil your roll. Take the gun, Mr. Fawcett, and you’ll be able to spare both him and yourself of unnecessary pain.”

“Myself?” Jay whispered, still in complete disbelief. He didn’t move to take it, just glanced back and forth between the gun, Emery and Zayne.

“We'll still have to create believable circumstances, but I’m sure if you oblige I can get you close to death's door without too much pain. All you have to do is bleed out.”

Jay paled at that; it wasn’t exactly the tempting offer Emery made it out to be. Besides, they had to get out. Both of them. Together. And they had a fighting chance!

Because Dennis heard what happened.

He glanced at Zayne, whose expression was hard to read, and started shaking his head redirecting his gaze to Emery. “No,” he added. Was it his imagination or did Zayne shoulders seem to slump as he exhaled…?

Emery sighed. “And here I thought I’d offer you a chance at revenge. Not to mention that Zayne’s days are numbered, at any rate.” He directed a cold glance at his hired gun and met Zayne’s confused eyes as he looked up. “You cannot save him, Mr. Fawcett. You just sped up fate a few weeks early.”

Zayne stirred, tried to get his feet under him but he was quickly brought back down. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he rasped.

“The plan always was to kill you once your debt was repaid,” Emery said with a shrug. “But it seems I must end this business relationship on a loss.”

He handed the gun back to his man and turned to Jay, signalling to the men behind him to uncuff him.

“So, Mr. Fawcett. If you won’t kill him, I have another proposition for you.”

-

Continued here

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @snuffhimout @susiequaz12 @coldresolve @whump-me-all-night-long @whumpinggoodtime @starnight-whump @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @myst-in-the-mirror @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @whots-a-tag-precious @wormwriting

[darklove9314-blog]

Underneath My Skin:A Nessian fanfiction

Author’s note: Hey guys!!! Welcome to day 7 of Nessian month, ( This one is late) today’s prompt is Tattoo Artist AU. If you want to participate in Nessian Month, all prompts are on @illyrianet page

“Are you nervous?” Gwyn asked as Nesta looked over to her, Emerie sitting in the next chair, scrolling through her feed on her phone.

“Why would I be nervous?” Nesta asked leading through the book she had brought with her.

Today had been the day that Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie had made the spontaneous decision to each get a tattoo. It was all their first and each of them had an appointment with a different tattoo artist who they had talked with over the phone and sent the rough idea of what they wanted done.

“Well it is your first tattoo and I know most people are nervous for theirs.” Nesta shrugged.

“Nesta?” A voice asked as her eyes flickered up to see one of the hottest males she had ever seen. She put her book away looking up at him with a smile. His hazel eyes looking down at her.

“That’s me.” She answered with a grin as Emerie gave her a knowing smirk. “I’m all set up whenever you’re ready.” He told her as Nesta stood up, Cassian was going back towards the booth in the corner Gwyn whispered

“Of course Nesta would get the hot one.“ She sighed as her name was called from the other side her eyes widened.

“I stand corrected.” Gwyn grinned standing up and calmly making her way to the other side of the parlor shaking another attractive mans hand. Introducing himself as Azriel. Nesta gave her a subtle wink. Emerie sighed,

“Of course you and Gwyn got the hot ones knowing my luck I’ll probably get-“

A blonde woman emerged calling Emerie’s name as Emerie’s eyes swept up and down, a shy smile crossing her face as she commented,

“I love this place.” She sprang up almost tripping over her chair as she quickly recovered following the blonde woman into her section as Nesta headed towards where Cassian was stationed.

Nesta looked at the stencil in his hand with the design she had emailed him about, a small book that had one of her favorite quotes written on the front of it. A quote that meant a lot to her and her friends. Nesta smiled at the design as she looked into Cassian‘s hazel brown eyes. Gosh, he really was handsome. If she had been at a bar instead of a tattoo parlor, she would have offered to buy him a drink, but she guessed talking to him while getting her tattoo done would do.

“Did you decide where you wanted your tattoo?” He asked as Nesta pointed to a specific placement on her forearm.

“Right here will do.” she told him as he placed the stencil on her to test out whether or not she liked it. the gentle brushing of his fingers sending shivers up her spine. She shouldn’t be thinking all the thoughts she was thinking with a total stranger. It wasn’t like her.

“Does that look good?” He asked his voice seeming an octave lower, she ignored it dutifully and stared at the tattoo that would be inked permanently to her skin in an hour or so.

She nodded eager to get started.

“Alright, go ahead and sit on the chair facing me.” He instructed as she sat in the chair.

Cassian grabbed his stool pulling it closer to her as he looked at his inks. she had chosen to do a tattoo with colors, so she knew he was setting up his black, gray, blue, and silver ink. She had seen his work online, knew that he was good at it. she was fully prepared.

“Just remember we can stop whenever you want to. We don’t have to get this all done today just in case you’re not feeling up to it.” He smiled.

She smiled at him at the challenge. “Oh I’m more than prepared for this.” Nesta answered him. His smile grew.

“In that case, let’s get started.” He replied as she felt the first prickle to her skin. It felt similar to a cat scratch. with barely any pain there, but she knew that there could potentially be a difference between how she felt while he was outlining vs how she’d feel when he was shading, some claimed the outline hurt some the opposite, but she knew that it would be worth it in the end,

“So how long have you been a tattoo artist?” She asked

“Going on six years.” He answered.

“Impressive.”

He gave her a slight smile illuminating his face. She notice the tattoos that inked his light brown skin and the scars that marred them.

“Do you have a favorite piece?” She asked after a few silent moments had passed.

“Of my work or the tattoos I’ve received?”

“Both.” She asked intrigued to hear his answers.

“I’ve done a lot of tattoos, as for a favorite-“ He shrugged, “I like hearing the meaning behind the tattoo, I like people sharing their stories, Don’t get me wrong, I love my craft, but the people are what makes this job worth it.“

She tilted her head at that wincing slightly as the needle went over where the bone was, she was told that would hurt the worst, so she distracted herself.

“So what’s the story on your favorite tattoo?” She asked watching his hands as he worked.

“Me and foster brothers have wings on our backs to symbolize our relationship that way no matter how far we go or what city we may end up in, we’ll always have something to remember each other by.“ He answered as Nesta felt a pang in her chest. She had heard stories about the foster care system. knew how tough it could be for the children who were in them, but she knew it wasn’t her place to ask and that it was his story to tell so she simply asked.

“Do you all still talk to each other?”

He had finished the outline and now had started on the shading. It stung slightly but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.

“We’re roommates actually. One of them is actually working on your friend now.” He told her.

“The one by the name of Azriel?” She asked him. He nodded.

“That’s the one. He and I have always worked together. Rhys however, he works for the courthouse.”

“Didn’t want to be a tattoo artist like the rest of you?” She teased as a small smirk crossed his lips.

“He lacks the skills to do so.” He answered as Nesta felt another pang in her chest, One of a different sort.

“I can relate. I was more of the studious one in my family. My sister Feyre was the artist.” She answered.

“Does your sister live in the city?” He asked.

“Yes, but ugh, we’re not that close, it’s complicated.“ she answered not willing to elaborat. it wasn’t that her and Feyre didn’t love each other, it was just that having two neglectful parents made them seek comfort elsewhere. Anywhere else besides each other. Had made their fight horrid, both slewing out venomous words that they weren’t sure if they meant or not. It had been the worst when they both were teens, Feyre had been three years younger, but still accomplishing her goals had always been easier for Feyre, for Nesta, not so much.

Her and Elain were closer, but not by much. To Elain, Nesta had been overbearing. and she didn’t blame her for the thought. It was either she suffocated the people that she loved, becoming a burden or she hadn’t loved them enough. Both of which she had worked on in therapy or rather what she was still working on.

“I get complicated families.“ He said, a sad look in his eyes.

“I was always the complicated one.“ She told him. Not sure why she had done it. He was a complete stranger. but for whatever reason she felt as if she could talk to him about anything.

“So was I.” He confided in her. Making her eyes meet his. “Out of me, Rhys, and Azriel, I took things the hardest and I didn’t always handle them in the best ways. I always got into trouble. Said some awful things to them and the others, it took me time. And it wasn’t until I had a foster mom who gave a shit about why I was hurting that I truly started to heal. So I get being the complicated one, The way you feel like a burden even when you’re not.“

His thumb smoothed over the skin, checking on the ink there as she felt a calming reassurance in her chest. knowing that this would end soon. that this was probably the last time they would see each other.

“It looks like we’re almost done.” He told her changing to a lighter topic. Not knowing how they had gotten onto a heavier one,

“Looks like it.” She had told him. Looking at the book on her forearm.

“So I take it you’re a reader?” He asked, working on the last of her touchups.

“Have been since I was old enough to read.” She confirmed.

“Is this a quote from a book?” He asked gesturing to the quote there.

“Ugh no. It’s just the motto for us that my friend Gwyn came up with.” she told him as he read it.

“We are the rock against which the surf crashes and nothing can break us.” He smiled admiring the tattoo. “I like it.”

She wasn’t sure why the blush had crept on her cheeks at his words but it had.

“Thank you.” She told him hiding her blush from him. Normally she didn’t blush when a man gave her a compliment, but Cassian somehow was different.

“Well it looks like you’re done.” He answered. as she got up and went over to the full length mirror observing her tattoo, a book with her and her friends motto on it. They had all chosen the design together because as Gwyn had said herself, all their stories deserved to be told and all of them had a love for books.

“I love it. Thank you.“ She smiled as she glanced up at him.

“It was my pleasure.” He stated wrapping up her tattoo.

“Now you’re going to want to keep this wrapped for a couple of hours and then follow the instructions I give you on the paper you’ll leave with for tattoo after care, but besides that, you are free to go.”

After Nesta had paid and Gwyn and Emerie had finished with theirs. Gwyn and Emerie chatted happily about their tattoos looking at the colors they had chosen them in. the same colors as their friendship bracelets, Nesta smiled turning towards Cassian as she extended her hand to him.

“It was a pleasure meeting you.” Nesta told him as his hand slipped into hers, giving it a slight shake,

“The pleasure was all mine- Nesta-“

“Archeron.” She finished. A little more quickly then she would have liked.

“Nesta Archeron, the name does have a ring to it,” He answered giving her a wicked grin, Was he-Was he flirting with her? “Well Nesta Archeron, I hope we see each other again.” He stated and before she could answer his other client arrived as he went to tend to them and Gwyn and Emerie flocked her while they were outside,

“Do you ever think you’ll see him again?” Gwyn asked as Nesta looked back at the tattoo parlor with a smile on her face,

“I’m not sure, but I hope so,“

[vidalinav]

Headcanon #... 9?: Bike Edition

Last headcanon for today... 

As part of my Studio Ghibli integration in Nesta’s narrative, Nesta ends up randomly buying a bike one day. In my head, it’s not a fae thing, it’s more of a human invention because winnowing and magic exists, but it has slowly made it’s way into shipping platforms or the idea has been passed, and only one shop in Velaris has it, totally out of the blue. Nesta buys it. 

Everyone thinks why? But Nesta is so shyly excited about it. Like she tells Cassian that she’s going to learn how and use it to get around, because in my fics she’s always walking. She’s Elizabeth Bennet in that sense and at least for a while she doesn’t know how to travel by winnowing and she does not want to learn how to use whatever’s left of her power until way later in my fics. So she tells him that she’s going to learn, and he’s like.... mmm k. But he offers to be there for moral support. 

HOWEVER, they end up practicing in the worst location ever. The plan is to have Cassian hold onto the back of her as you typically do with learning to ride a bicycle. But for some reason they end up practicing near a hill or at least they underestimate how big that hill is and Cassian lets go (accidentally, because he gets distracted) and Nesta is rolling down that hill and she doesn’t know how to brake and she crashes. Like bad. 

But at the end of it, she’s just kind of laughing, and Cassian feels so so so bad and she’s all bruised up as Nesta tends to get often. But it was the thrill that Nesta liked, the wind blowing threw her hair, her heart jumping out her chest, her stomach twisting. It’s just immensely fun even if it’s so scary at first (In my head, Nesta is always a quiet thrill seeker, an unforeseen adventurer). But she does in fact learn how to ride a bike, because Cassian would have had to let go eventually. 

After this, she rides her bike through the city. She has so much chaotic energy to me that I always imagine her always accidentally almost running someone over and her yelling sheepishly Sorry!! And her bike has a little basket on it. If you’ve followed thread of headcanons and fic ideas, you will know in my fic I plan to have Bryaxis turned into a cat because Nesta using magic and being more witchy 2021, and Bryaxis sits in the basket often as well as whatever book she’s carrying that day. 

Before the Pegasi, because I’m sure the Valkyrie are going to have some, Nesta does end up teaching Emerie and Gwyn to ride one as well. It’s just an easier faster way to travel. She teaches them on the outskirts of the city, because you know baby steps for Gwyn. Emerie loves it a lot more than Gwyn does, though it is harder for her to balance because of the wings and the weight distribution, but ultimately it feels a little like flying and the wind is blowing on her face and through her wings. She LOVES it. Gwyn HATES it. She does not like it at all. Though she learns just because she is so annoyed that it is not easy for her to do. It takes her a long time to learn it and the stubbornness kicks in. At the end, she ends up opting for being that person who sits on the handle or the back pegs, usually with Emerie, because Nesta again has Bryaxis. 

Anyways Nesta on a bike in the spring, moving fast, with a cat and a book--my new aesthetic. 

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Open Heart, Book 2

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

It’s been a while since I started writing this post, I actually remember saying I would post it months ago. But then things escalated in such a negative way between some people, that I said “well, maybe it’s not the best moment to post this”. So now that the book will be back, I thought it might be a good time to revisit it.

Of course, as this was written before the second hiatus, it’s been done with the original plot in mind, and I don’t read spoilers and the book is supposedly being rewritten, it may be full of mistakes… it just took me so long to write it, that I don’t want it to go to waste! hahaha

I’ve read a lot of people complaining about the plot of Open Heart 2 being all over the place, and some people are worried about the “too many subplots” this book has. Well, sure, there might be A LOT going on in this book, but when you analyze what almost every character is going through (emphasis in “almost”), you’ll realize that they all have one thing in common: they’re all dealing with their past. Also, with a third book confirmed, I don’t think everything is going to find its closure in Book 2. But let’s analyze our gang (they are in alphabetic order, as usual):

Aurora Emery: This girl is so damaged that it hurts. She certainly had trust issues during college and she’s reliving them all over again. Of course, being Harper Emery’s niece is not easy when you go to medical school and become a doctor. Not only people have high expectations on your performance, they also want to be friends with you and you just don’t know if it’s because of your aunt or because they genuinely care about you. Tobias is not making things easier for her either (I’m so ready to punch this guy if he hurts her!), and our MC has been an ass to her lately as well. She truly needs to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m so waiting for the MC to have a chance to apologize because what they did was the stupidest thing I’ve seen them do so far.

Bryce Lahela: Even though I’m in love with this guy (I always say he’d be my BFF in real life), we knew since day 1 that he was hiding something. Well, it took us over a book to discover that his family has a very, very shady past that ended up affecting not only Bryce, but also his little sister Keiki. Of course, discovering that your parents are criminals when you’re a teenager mustn’t be easy, and Keiki escaping because she’s basically living the same hell as Bryce went through in the past has only made him relive some old feelings that he wanted to be forgotten. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can only think of some healing process for him that will probably not have its closure in Book 2, but in Book 3.

Elijah Green: Our boy Elijah has always declared himself a “nerd”. So, it doesn’t surprise me at all the fact that he had problems making friends while growing up. Also, due to his condition and what we know about his past, I bet his parents were super overprotective, making things harder for him. That’s why he is having a hard time when trying to keep boundaries with Sothy, his intern. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be friends, not at all (not only Ines and Zaid consider the MC “a friend”, but my MC is romancing Ethan, soo…). But he certainly tries too hard to be accepted (and not judged) by his intern, to the point that it becomes a risk for them as doctors.  

Esme Ortega: Our new intern looks like she’s a tough girl, but it only took us one diamond scene to discover what’s behind her attitude. Her life has been hard and she’s basically facing the world alone since she was 14. Even though this apparently was a topic that was addressed and solved in the same scene, it’s very clear that she sees herself in her teen patient with leukemia. It’s very possible that her parents never told her that they were illegal immigrants, so she can’t stand lying to that kid. She knows how it feels. She knows he’s not a kid anymore and that his parents lying to him will only cause pain in the future. Hopefully we’ll be able to go deeper in her background during the rest of Book 2 or in Book 3.

Ethan Ramsey: Ethan is facing not only one, but two conflicts. The first one is a personal one: his mom left him and Alan (his dad) 25 years ago. Now she is suddenly back in their lives for some reason that we still need to figure out. Ethan believes she’s back because she needs money, and he might be right. There is also this idea that she’s actually sick and she needs Ethan’s help. This could also be pretty accurate. I actually think it’s something in between (maybe some stepbrother or stepsister he doesn’t know about needs medical care but they can’t afford it). The other one is professional: with the money problems in Edenbrook, he’s feeling all the pressure of having to make a choice between attending rich people who can afford their full treatments and being loyal to Naveen’s original purpose when he created the team (that is, to care about people who can’t afford their treatments). My thought is that, in the end, both his family issues and his career in the diagnostics team will be crossed and that this will become a turning point in the book (because yes, we still don’t have that “huge case” as we did have with Naveen’s case in Book 1).

Jackie Varma: Jackie’s issue actually hits home. College debts are a huge issue in my country, and I can tell almost every single one of my classmates is facing them now, even though we graduated a long time ago. It’s pretty common to see families struggling to help their kids to attend university and you can’t imagine how grateful I am that my hard work paid off and got me a scholarship that relieved that burden at home. So I can totally see Jackie in this situation: coming from a low income family who didn’t only become a doctor because she loves it, but also because she saw it as a chance to give her family a better life… and this isn’t happening right now. But she is actually doing something about it already, so she’ll probably be the first one to have her “burden from the past issue” solved, she just seems to need that raise that all residents are supposed to get… at least for now.

Rafael Aveiro: Our Rafael (who’s not going to die and who still is a LI in my opinion) surprised us when he introduced us to his significant other, Sora. I mean… what happened in that two-month period between Book 1 and Book 2? This is one of those times when I desperately need a diamond scene for him to explain everything. Because it doesn’t matter if he is your LI or not, he doesn’t seem convinced about this “new” relationship and you can’t change my mind. Also, the fact that he’s been taking more risks than usual is giving me some weird vibes (maybe he’s depressed and he’s been hiding it?). I’m pretty sure there’s something we don’t know yet… and I’m pretty sure that his conflict at the end of the book (if he is your LI) will be to decide between “staying in the past” (with Sora) and “moving into the future” (with the MC).

Sienna Trinh: Our sweetheart has had little screen time in this book, but that time has been enough to realize she’s having some serious issues, to the point that some people think she’s the one who’ll be dying because of how depressed she shows herself. We all remember that Sienna used to have a boyfriend certain specimen in her life, and how she dumped him in Book 1. Well, toxic relationships are not limited to love life, and that’s the case with her. She’s been repeating all the same patterns with her new resident, Mitch. He manipulates her and he’s basically abusing of her good will… just like certain ***hole she used to date it in the past.

Kyra Santana: I did leave Kyra for the end on purpose. Since the end of Book 1 I’ve been saying that she has to die at some point of the series, basically because we must be realistic here guys and we can’t be in denial: no matter how much we love her, our girl only has 10% chances of surviving cancer and before the hiatus, things were getting worse for her. Based on this… have you noticed how Kyra is the only character in the series (besides our MC) who’s not carrying some burden from her past? Instead, she just lives the present and she barely mentions her future, except in two cases: when she’s talking to the MC about her job interview, and when she says that her treatment “soon will be over”. To me, THIS SPEAK VOLUMES, GUYS!

[exeuntstormtroopers]

What are your favorite main characters hogwart houses? I feel like Eliza would totally be ravenclaw

I don't like doing Harry Potter comparisons much anymore, so I will answer this question exactly once, and never again:

Alex: Gryffindor

Miles: Slytherin

Eliza: Slytherin

Wallace: Hufflepuff

Zora: Gryffindor

Artemis: Ravenclaw

Bach: Gryffindor

Amity: Hufflepuff

Damien: Ravenclaw

Rory: Slytherin

Viv: Slytherin

Emery: Slytherin

Wes: Hufflepuff

Marcia: Gryffindor

Klaus: Ravenclaw

And here are some characters you don't know yet but you might in the future:

Cat: Ravenclaw

Jeffrey: Gryffindor

Heike: Gryffindor

Wenzel: Hufflepuff

Bridget: Slytherin

Henry: Hufflepuff

If you have any other "which category would they be" questions you'd like me to answer, I'll be happy to go through those!

[queerchoicesblog]

Unexpected News (OH, Elijah & Sienna & F!MC Friendship)

This fanfic was requested by my lovely friend @andi-the-cat for the challenging prompt “ Unexpected” of the @choicesnovemberchallenge hosted by @ramseyandrys . 

Meant as a celebration of friendship between Elijah, Sienna and Meredith Valentine (OH F!MC), this fic sees the docs dealing with unexpected news that opens new possibilities...

Hope you enjoy it and don’t mind if the lovely queen of tease Kyra plays a role in it...

Disclaimer: hints at Harper Emery x F!MC (previous chapters here)

Prompt: Unexpected

Word Count: 1428

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @bhavf @melodyofgraves @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @strangerofbraidwood​ @kamilahmykween​ @desiree-0816​ @universallypizzataco​ @gayestchoices​ @embarrassingsmartphonegame​

Harper Emery x F!MC Tag: @korrasamixfan @delphinusbae @noeschoices @jellymonster

________________________________________________________________ It was early in the morning when Meredith and Elijah got off the metro and headed towards Edenbrook Hospital, chatting.

"I hope Sienna's breakfast date is going well" Dr. Valentine said, smiling.

"Well, it should be almost over by now" Dr. Greene checked the watch at his wrist . "...unless she's gonna run late"

The two doctors shared a conspirational look and a huge smirk.

"Uh, a hot date seems like a worthy excuse to be late at work" 

"Indeed" Elijah agreed, breaking into a giggle. 

"But seriously, I'm happy for her, she looks happier now..."Meredith nodded."And she deserves better than that workaholic douchebag"

"Oh God, I don't even know what she saw in him in the first place! Most unpleasant guy I've ever met!" Dr. Greene shrugged.

"Unlike golden boy Danny" 

"Exactly""I was losing hope about the chance of an actual date, to be honest..."

"You weren't the only one, M., trust me...but all's well that end well"

"Yeah..." a mischevious gleam brightened Meredith's face.

She leaned down and playfully bumped Elijah's arm.

"And now we can focus on setting you up with gorgeous neighbor Phoebe"

"W-what?" an instant blush spread all over the doctor's face.

Meredith raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do I have to produce myself in a Miss Congeniality poignant reference or will you concede that it's time you ask her out properly, Dr. Greene?"

"Stop playing Cupid, M.!" Elijah giggled, bumping her arm in return.

"But Comicon is coming like next week! What better chance than that since you're both into comics!" Meredith protested.

"Remind me why you even know about Comicon?" he chuckled.

"Well, Edenbrook's most amazing doctor, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, is a lovely nerd and so is his crush and I believe my wondrous friend deserves to be happy too. Just like our cute Sienna is now. Isn't that a good enough reason?" 

The affectionate smile on Valentine's lips left Elijah momentarily speechless as the two slowed down to a stop. He was about to say "Thank you, M., same to you" when a familiar voice resounded not far from where they were standing.

"Well well well...I'll be damned if the best doctors in the whole universe aren't right here"

A young woman in a yellow coat and bright beanie smiled and waved at them. They greeted her at the unison and immediately walked in her direction.

"Kyra!"

"And they even remember my name: am I not the luckiest girl?" Kyra flashed them another dashing smile and pulled them into a tight swaying hug.

When she finally released the interns, Meredith was the first to talk.

"It's so good to see you, Kyra! But what are you doing here?" her expression quickly switched from cheer to concern. "Please tell us it's not another chemo session"

"Aren't you the sweetest, Dr. Valentine?" Kyra smiled and shooked her head. "No chemo session, I'm just here to meet my oncologist and discuss the latest test results. So keep your fingers crossed, even if I have a good feeling about this"

"Of course we will!" Meredith crossed her fingers in response.

"Even our toes, anything for our favorite former patient" Elijah echoed, miming Valentine's gesture and making Kyra giggle.

"Now, since we're all heading in the same direction, mind if I join you?" she added, wrapping her arm with Meredith's as they kept walking. "What were you docs saying, before nosy Kyra interrupted you?" she asked, turning her head to the side to address Dr. Greene.

"Oh nothing much, M. was just playing matchmaker" he explained, laughing.

"Was she?" Kyra sounded genuinely amused. "I'm proud of you, Valentine" 

"Hey! I'm right here" Elijah protested but Kyra didn't seem to listen.

"Who's the lucky one?" she asked Valentine."A lovely and beautiful neighbor who has a crush on the boy here"

"I-" 

"Excellent! So you live close to each other and she's into you-" Kyra commented, pondering the intern's words.

“Well, I don't kn-"

"Why oh why haven't you asked her out then, Wonder Boy?" Kyra smiled conspiratorially at a flustered Dr. Greene. 

As he struggled to find words and threatened to blush furiously again, stumbling over his own words, Kyra squeezed his arm reassuringly."I'm sorry, darling, but I'm with Valentine: I support the mission "ask her out". And in case you're wondering, Wonder Boy, there's no chance someone would turn down an invitation from such a sweet man like you. Unless this neighbor is completely out of her mind, but we'll put our faith in her. It's gonna be okay, Elijah, trust the girls here" she winked.

"Not fair teaming up" Elijah laughed but soon turned serious and offered a tiny shy smile. "But thanks Kyra...and M., I'll...I'll think about it"

A comfortable silence settled between the three of them as if to quietly support and encourage Elijah's newfound resolution. A brief silence was soon broken by Sienna running at full speed towards the little group as soon as they set foot inside the hospital.

"GUYS YOU CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!" she squealed, crashing the three of them in a bear hug, despite her height. 

"Oh and hi, Kyra!" she added when she parted.

"Hi cutie!" Kyra cheered. "So what's the big news we cannot believe?"

Sienna gave an excited shriek before speaking.

"I'm glad you asked, sweetie! Apparently, Edenbrook will host a fundraising gala in a month or so and it's gonna be super fancy and ohmygod Avery Wilshere will exhibit for free and we interns are invited!"Three jaws dropped at the same time.

"Say that again" Kyra whispered.

"Fancy gala? At Edenbrook?" Elijah gaped.

"Avery Wilshere? Here?" Meredith gasped.

Sienna squealed again and clapped her hands.

"Yes yes yes! And the poster over there behind that crowd" she gestured to a bunch of people stationing and chatting on the other side of the hall. "says that we, interns and doctors are invited to attend the event and we can even bring a plus one! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??"

"Holy moly" Meredith blinked twice.

"I didn't see it coming, that's for sure...but WOW!" Elijah cheered after the initial bewilderment.

"I know right??" Sienna was clearly still on an adrenaline rush.

"Well, docs" Kyra announced, smiled. "You better get ready for a shopping spree with that me because judging from what you said and..well Edenbrook, it's gonna be super fancy!"

"Well, we don't know what Dr. Naveen has in min-" Dr. Valentine cautiously started but Sienna cut her short.

"Oh my god, there's gonna be champagne, canapes and classy music" she noted with starry eyes.

"You bet, that's why you need help from a professional. Well, almost" Kyra laughed.

"Omg omg, I gotta tell Danny! He might be my plus one, right? Cause we're invited"

"Of course he will be your plus one, honey! Just text him already" Kyra reassured her, before turning to Elijah.

"Wonder Boy, I'm pretty sure you know who to ask. Even if I wouldn't recommend it as a first date but you know" she gave him a wink. 

Elijah mocked a salute.

"Yes, ma'am!"

A beep chimed from Sienna's phone.

"Done!" she sighed then looked back to Kyra. "But you should come too! It's gonna be so much fun"

"I'm no intern or doctor, honey, despite lingering here I've gathered certain expertise in the medical field" she joked.

"You could be my plus one" Meredith suggested and all eyes converged over her as if to say "elaborate".

"Well, I'm not seeing anyone and as Sienna said you should totally come with us" she shrugged.

"I thought you were asking that neonatal nurse that always greet you with bedroom eyes...like Jen or something like that?" Sienna commented.

"Who?" Meredith narrowed her brows visibly lost in the plot.

"You’re telling me you haven't noticed?" Sienna gaped.

"Forget the nurse with bedroom eyes" Kyra joined the conversation. 

"So you're not gonna ask Beyonce?" she added, a teasing smirk on her lips.

"Wh-" Valentine started but then she remembered who Kyra kept nicknaming Beyonce and blushed furiously.

"Of course not! I-" she said, clearing her throat. "So, are you gonna be my plus one or not? I mean, if you're not with your boyfriend-"

"Oh he could wait for one night!" Kyra smiled a rather wicked smile. "And you bet I won't miss this gala! Congrats, Valentine, you got yourself a plus one".

Sienna gave another excited shriek and called for another group hug.

"I can't wait for the gala night, it's gonna be the best night ever, guys! Especially because you all will be there" 

[irlaimsaaralath]

Lockdown Questions

I guess mine are technically quarantine questions. I’m starting my third week out of work sick. The first two, I was a potential COVID case, but my test came back negative. Work won’t let me come back yet, though, because I’m still coughing.

Tagged by @elveny. And I’ll tag @savvylittleminx, @ket-mofo, @kierarutherford, @monstersandmaw, and anyone else who wants in.

Are you staying home from work/school?

From work, yep. Been sick. But my job is in an essential industry, so once the cough goes away, I’m back at it.

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

My boys, my cats Bastien and Finley. We take lots of naps. I’m officially a cat now. Meow.

Are you a homebody?

Oh, yeah. I’m not big on crowds or lots of noise or crowds that make lots of noise, so I tend to be a work and home kind of girl.

What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?

Amazingly, I haven’t watched many movies in the past two weeks. One night, I watched Cabin in the Woods, which I’d seen before, but it tickles me, so *smashes mug on the floor* again! Then I turned right around and fucked up my happy by watching We Need to Talk About Kevin. Please don’t ask me why. I’d already seen that one, too, but...apparently my jovial turn with the first movie had to be balanced out by the despair of the second?

I’ve been more so watching YouTube. I’ll be honest. Watching old Jenna Marbles videos is kinda my happy place. I’ve been watching her for years, she makes me laugh, and she’s kinda...me in the sense that if I had gobs of money, I would stay home and do fun shit with my cats. I’d build them an indoor playground and make them fun toys and you know. It might be nice to have fun with life, you know, professionally.

I also discovered the TRY channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCabq3No3wXbs6Ut-Pux6SzA). Irish folks trying fun things like alcohol and food and stuff. Very funny. Makes me laugh. I’m in love with Leather Jacket Guy. I totally agree with one of the video comments that says, “I just feel like this guy is an ancient Irish god of mischief and is just fucking around to have a good time.” I dig it. (Please, ask me about my fascination with ancient gods fucking around in the world. All my Solavellan Hell peeps know. Wink wink.)

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Not really? I’ve got tickets for a concert in June that I’m hoping doesn’t get canceled, but my hopes aren’t high.

What music are you listening to?

Eh. A wide variety of things. Nothing really new, mostly just old favorites. Matt Duke, Vienna Teng, Paramore, 30 Seconds to Mars, Lorena McKennitt, Susanna and the Magical Orchestra, some instrumental stuff like soundtracks. I kinda of listen to a bit of everything.

What are you reading?

I’m still working on Tevinter Nights. I read the last story when I got it, and I’ve read three in order from the start.

I’ve also been reading some new and old favorites on AO3.

I just finished rereading Somewhere Between Pride and Sorrow. A smutty, smutty F/M/M fic with Solas and Abelas.

Also, Sunshine in the Dark. By @kauriart. It’s an Alistair and Bethany Hawke fic. So good.

What are you doing for self-care?

Uhm...ordered more origami paper for to make more stars. Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Lots of fucking Mountain Dew. I don’t usually drink much soda. Mindlessly playing a male crusader in Diablo 3 so I can listen to Gideon Emery’s voice non-stop.

[galaxiia-quean]

Ethan Ramsey Having Children Headcanon (Open Heart) ✨

✨ he has twin boys, lucas and santiago

✨ due to his job, ethan doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with them but does his best to make them feel happy and loved, nonetheless

✨ they’re mini carbon copies of his, with the same brown hair and icy blue eyes

✨ their mother is ethan’s childhood sweetheart; she lives in another state with her second husband and children and sees the boys every weekend and on alternate holidays

✨ despite their dad being a doctor, neither are particularly interested in medicine and ethan’s totally fine with it bc he loves and supports them no matter what

✨ lucas is super into foreign languages and likes to listen to international music; his favorite is Brazilian Funk and he managed to rope ethan into liking it as well

✨ whenever he feels annoyed with someone, he starts speaking random words in different languages and walks away, which works like, 98% of the time (there was this one time he began talking in Spanish to a new kid and they knew the words so it was really awkward bc he was saying he loved unicorns)

✨ santiago is never seen without a funny and/or sarcastic tee and excels in science even though he hates the class and the teacher; he tried to fail on purpose once but the perfectionist in him won in the end

✨ he once learned how to play the guitar in one month solely bc his childhood bully said he couldn’t

✨ they might not be the top of their class but dad always taught them to be nice and polite so they get pretty good grades even though they’re really bad in some classes (the teachers like them enough to help them)

✨ on ethan’s day off, he takes the boys across town to a small amusement park and gets them all the food and stuffed toys they want; it’s their favorite bonding activity as a family

✨ ethan carries a photo of the twins at all times in his wallet and has a framed picture on display on his desk for whenever he feels down

✨ he tries to attend every soccer game the boys have and buys them churros whether they win or lose bc what matters is participating and they will do better next time, he’s sure of it

✨ nobody has ever noticed but ethan wears a worn handmade bracelet with a pizza slice charm on his wrist from when the boys where in primary school; the twins have matching ones

✨ “it’s missing a piece but it’s still good papa”

✨ he won’t admit but ethan cried that day bc he often forgot how affected his kids had been by the separation of their family

✨ their existence is unknown to most of the hospital staff; only chief emery, dr. banerji, dr. delarosa and dr. mirani know about them

✨ they have movie nights every weekend when the kids are with him: fridays are his, saturdays are lucas’ and sundays are santiago’s, which basically means avengers, harry potter and disney in that respective order

✨ ethan is often exasperated by his boys bc lucas and santiago are just like his younger self: two lovable rascals who can charm their way out of any mess they get themselves into

✨ but he can’t help but be proud bc they’re also the smartest, kindest young men he could ever hope to raise, who help people and ask nothing in return, who can’t understand why anyone would ever want to do something bad in the world

✨ there was this one time when they were six and they saw a homeless person. for two weeks straight, ethan couldn’t understand why his clothes kept disappearing and why the nanny wouldn’t stop complaining about food mysteriously going missing from the fridge until he saw the homeless guy when walking home and confronted his children

✨ “he needed help and he’s really nice, can he stay with us?”

✨ “he’s not a dog we can just pick up from the street, boys. i’ll see what i can do to help him”

✨ the next day, ethan went to talk to the man and offered him shelter until he could get back on his feet. sam, he later learned to be his name, got a job at a retail store and moved out after a few months. they kept in touch and to this day sam is like an uncle to the twins

✨ then, when they were ten, the boys began feeding every stray animal they saw and eventually began sneaking them into the house. it was pretty easy bc they were constantly changing nannies since ethan was barely home. it was only on the third week that ethan noticed the smell

✨ he went up to the roof and found three dogs, four cats and a raccoon living in his attic, food and water bowls under the window and several blankets for the animals to cuddle up to

✨ “we couldn’t just let them stay out there in the cold! animals have feelings, too, dad”

✨ “... i’ll see what i can do”

✨ ethan managed to find a good home for all the animals (except for the raccoon, he was convinced to build a small house for it in the backyard and it visited so often it was named reggie)

✨ he felt sorry for the boys so he took them to the shelter and they chose a very young puppy to adopt, which they named jenner)

[pastel-shadows]

system asks

i’m in the mood to chat about system stuff! lots of text under the cut

1. Describe your system. What kind of system, how big, anything you feel is a good introduction. we are an OSDD-1b system with 6 members that we’re aware of. we have known about our system for about 6-7 years, i think!

2. Who knows about your system? Who do you want to know? What do you feel like it’s like coming out as multiple? every single one of our friends knows about our system! i don’t think it would be possible for any of us to form relationships without telling people about it. a lot of us have our own friends that the rest of the system never speaks to, so it’s really important to be able to explain our random long absences!

3. What are your thoughts on integration? Do you wish to integrate? i think integration is totally cool for systems who want to do it, but i’m not really interested! my system and i have learned lots of coping skills and we function really well internally and externally at this point. we like who we are so i don’t see a reason to integrate

4. Are you or any of the others in a relationship in or out of the system? How does dating work for you if you do it? i’m single, but two of our members are in relationships! charlie is dating one person, and emery is dating someone else. when it comes to romantic relationships, we consider those very separate. just because one alter is dating someone, that doesn’t mean the rest of us are also dating them! we do try to collectively befriend and get along with partners for convenience, though.

5. How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about what dissociation is like for you. we tend to switch on a daily basis, sometimes every couple days. we have gotten pretty good at managing switches on a planned schedule, although sometimes things go wrong and someone ends up being here unexpectedly. none of us actually lose time, since we have OSDD instead of DID, but we do have a lot of fuzziness between system members. remembering things that happened to another alter feels like remembering something we watched on TV instead of something that actually happened to us. we also have trouble perceiving the passage of time correctly! if i leave front for a week and then come back, i feel like only a day has passed even though i can remember the events from that week. it’s weird!

6. How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your system? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why? i don’t feel the need to talk about the trauma since i don’t feel like it happened to me personally, but i don’t mind telling people if they ask. our trauma holder and protector like to talk about it sometimes when they’re having PTSD struggles.

7. How many alters do you know of in the system? How many know about each other? there are six of us, and we are all aware of each other! me: fictive, nonbinary girl, minimally traumatized, no known role charlie: trauma holder, nonbinary, was host until 2017 emery: protector, male, current host praxis: unstable identity, extremely dissociative, struggles to understand reality ripple and seafoam: a pair of weird ocean spirits, always co-conscious. seafoam is nonverbal and thinks in pictures, ripple speaks for them both

8. How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis? charlie figured it out several years before our formal diagnosis. they noticed odd intrusive thoughts and feelings, and when they tried to investigate those experiences ripple and seafoam distinctly took front and made themselves known. the rest of us were identified gradually over time!

9. What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills? we communicate okay. we have trouble getting clear thoughts across in headspace, so we prefer to leave written messages while fronting for anything important. we can pick up strong thoughts/feelings/ideas from others while we are in front, but that’s about it! ripple and seafoam are the only members who can be fully simultaneously conscious without having a dissociative meltdown.

10. Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system? i’m not totally sure what this is, but we have done a basic map of our usual headspace rooms. it’s pretty simple since we don’t have super active consciousness from the back seat

11. How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front? we have gotten pretty good at controlling switches, but some of us are better at getting certain alters than others. charlie is best at getting ripple, seafoam, and praxis to front. pretty much anyone can get me, most of us can get emery. sometimes it just doesn’t work though! for fronting triggers, most of us will show up for our favorite stuff if we’re anywhere near front at the time. that includes stuff like favorite music, close friends, favorite animals, etc! charlie also shows up sometimes if their trauma triggers happen around us.

12. What’s the worst thing you’ve woken up to finding out your alter’s done? What’s the best? tbh ripple and seafoam used to destroy the body while they were out because they had no concept of how to pilot a human meat sack. they would do damaging stuff and over-exert themselves without noticing, and then whoever showed up after had to deal with the painful consequences. once they were swimming and forgot to breathe underwater, that one sucked a lot. the best is probably when emery does all the chores or other unpleasant tasks for us so no one else has to do it. thanks em

13. Has anyone ever noticed you were multiple before you told them? Do animals seem to know the difference in your switches? no one has actually assumed we were a system without us telling them, but we have gotten comments about weird personality shifts. people who know us well can usually tell who is fronting without asking, so that’s cool! the only animal that’s ever noticed was a really anxious cat we had who really disliked emery hehe

14. To whoever’s fronting; what’s your favorite item to have around when fronting? Is it yours or do you share with other alters in the system? i have makeup and clothes i’m really into! they are just mine, although charlie wears my shorts sometimes. i don’t mind sharing a bit as long as they make sure to wash my clothes before my next scheduled day. it’s really upsetting when they get my favorite stuff dirty and i have to wash it after

15. What song(s) do you relate to your DID? none!

16. Where, as a system, is the safest place for you? Why? home i guess? our found family is very supportive, we live in a household with 3 separate systems so it’s nice

17. Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best? we’re all very curious about prax since they’re still figuring out the world! they learned to talk recently so that’s been a huge improvement, but they’re still working things out. i get along really well with seafoam, they’re probably my favorite! emery is also nice, he acts as a big brother for me a lot which is nice. charlie and i used to get along kind of badly, but i’m trying to move past that

18. What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread abut Dissociative Identity Disorder? oh boy, there are tons. evil/murderous alters are a big one. the perception that we can never learn to function or live full, healthy lives is frustrating. it also really bugs me how obsessed people are with knowing who is the “original” person, or worse who is the “real” personality. we’re all alters here, no one is more real than anyone else...

19. Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it. yep! we live with two other systems and it’s great. it’s so cool to be friends with people who get where you’re coming from. i am pretty close with an alter who is in a very similar position to mine, and it’s a really nice connection to have!!

20. Do you have a favorite book or TV show about or including DID? i think the character i’m a fictive of (alluka from hunter x hunter) is actually a pretty accurate representation of DID if you ignore the fantasy aspects!

21. Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s). emery is our protector! he was really good at handling tasks the rest of us couldn’t manage in the past, and it helped so much. he also is really good in stressful situations! he can be overly judgmental and quick to form negative opinions, but he’s good

22. Tell us about your littles. we don’t have any full-time littles, but charlie does age slide at times! i don’t know what else to say about it though

23. Do you have an inner world? If so, who can access it? What’s it like? we have a really basic inner world! it has a small common room near front, a kitchen, and bedrooms for everyone except praxis. everyone except prax spends some time in the inner world. sometimes our headspace switches to something else for periods of time - recently it has been a movie theater, for example.

24. Have you ever dealt with denial? What helps you work through it? charlie was the public face of the system for a really long time, especially before we knew we had OSDD. the rest of us sometimes go through times where we feel like we aren’t real, or that we’re “just charlie.” it helps to focus on the most distinct differences between us at those times, and to ask other people around us for reassurance.

25. When did you first hear about Dissociative Identity Disorder? Was it before or after you discovered your plurality? In what context did you hear about it? we heard about it years before we knew we were a system, but it was mostly in really inaccurate ways. we saw the movie about sybil in 2008, which is the first exposure i can remember. a few years later we saw it again on tumblr, but it was a while before we got any genuine information on it.

26. What aspect of DID do you find most challenging in daily life? compromising between each other can be really really hard. most of us want to front as often as possible, but there’s only so many days in a week. i only officially get one day per week, and it’s really disorienting that so much time passes while i’m away. it’s also super inconvenient when someone fronts by accident at a time where we really needed someone else, or when we can’t get someone we need to front.

27. What do you think the biggest differences between living as a singlet and living as a person with DID are? time. living with DID means you never have enough time. you can go to bed one night and wake up months later, and all your friends have moved on or forgotten about you. it’s hard.

28. Share a memory of one of a different alter fronting which you’ve either been told about by them or by another friend. we didn’t used to know that praxis was nonverbal. prax showed up unplanned in the middle of a hospital trip, and at several points talked to the friend who was with us and to the nurse. that friend later told us that during the whole trip, prax was making “fax machine noises” instead of words (which explains why the nurse looked at us so weirdly.....)

29. How do your alters like to express themselves on a daily basis? charlie dresses in childish/silly stuff. they only like certain types of clothes (leggings, skinny jeans, sweaters, and sweatshirts) and pretty much refuse to wear anything else. i like to take care of myself - i always shower, brush my teeth, wash my face, put on nice clothes, and usually do my hair/makeup. i like presenting a lot more femme! emery presents really masc, praxis likes ugly 90′s aesthetic garbage, and ripple and seafoam will wear literally anything. many of us enjoy drawing in our own styles, playing games we like, watching our favorite shows/movies, and other stuff like that!

30. What’s one last thing you feel should be written about after answering all of that? Talk about whatever you want. i am a real person! i am not a 2-dimensional fragment of the host, i am a complete individual with my own thoughts and feelings, just like anyone else. negative stigma about DID is one of the worst things about living with the disorder, i just want to live my life and be happy!

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LAYER  001 : THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME.   Ludivine Rose Alexander / Lucy Renee Caldwell

EYE COLOR.   Hazel, on the golden-brown end of things.

HAIR STYLE / COLOR.  Chocolate brown, falls in natural loose waves down between her shoulder blades, often styled with added curls to accentuate the natural waves & she wears it loose a lot in her daytime tasks; favors a single braid down the center when she needs it out of her face, though will sometimes opt for a high ponytail instead. Styling it for events is like a whole event in itself for her, she goes all out (fancy twists, hair acessories, etc.)

HEIGHT.   5′8″.  

CLOTHING STYLE.   In a nutshell, expensive. She was raised with that in-the-limelight (albeit not full fame, just significant notoriety) and is therefore fairly appearance-conscious, i.e. knowing that one “down day” can have people questioning your abilities, especially if you’re a woman. ((Don’t get her started on that double standard. She plays by the rules most of the time with it, but absolutely despises how the focus of her efforts can be totally ignored in favor of her wardrobe. The worst part is that she does, for the most part, enjoy fancy dress --it’s more or less her artistic outlet-- but the whole Thing around it and how it affects the perception of her effectiveness as a leader is supremely irritating for her.)) She favors understated jewelry most of the time, though has been known to go big with necklaces now and then.

All that said, she’s also a sucker for a good t-shirt/jeans combo. She will ‘borrow’ your shirt given the opportunity.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE. Tossup for eyes/smile.

LAYER  002 : THE  INSIDE.

HER FEARS.  Betrayal, isolation (being left all alone), and... this just occurred to me but failure, really. Not because it would mean losing her nice things or anything, but because it’s like...this has been her whole life, if she can’t succeed at holding this life together, then...

HER  GUILTY  PLEASURE.  Revenge. There’s some darker piece of her heart that takes genuine joy in being able to pay someone back for pain and disaster they’ve caused, and she’s not particularly comfortable with the moments in her life when that facet has caught the light in full.

HER BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE.  Dismissal and disrespect. Everyone has something to offer, who are you to shut her or anyone else down?

HER AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE. To form and maintain positive relationships, to ‘prove’ herself to others, to honor and defend her family & pride, to gain love, to eliminate hardship and suffering in others, to seek ‘adventure’. (And if all of that sounds a little goalless it’s because...I mean, she’s at the top of the chain in her life right now, it’s really more of maintaining at this point, fixing what doesn’t work and otherwise just holding your ground. Staying power.((Not getting bored.)))

LAYER  003 : THOUGHTS.

HER  FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP.   Nothing super coherent but a lot of vague grumpiness. She’s not really a morning person (mostly because she’s got the whole doble-schedule thing going. Lots of late nights.)

WHAT  SHE  THINKS  ABOUT  MOST.    I... don’t know? It’s actually really uncommon for her to have super regular patterns in any aspect of her life (aside from like, going to work daily) so the idea of recurring/persistent thoughts is..equally unlikely I think? She’s really in-the-moment in general -- her thoughts circle around what’s happening, so if she avoids doing too much of the same thing it stands to reason she wouldn’t be thinking too much about the same things either. (Which is probably good because if she didn’t she’d probably linger a lot over her brother and I...may have a mean-ish plot about that soon.)

WHAT  SHE  THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED.  The events of the day. It’s just like a decompression thing, helps her order what’s going on and keep track of what needs keeping.

SHE  THINKS  HER  BEST  QUALITY  IS.   Loyalty. Or maybe determination. She’s very proud of herself in general, really.

LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES.   Single.

TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED.   Respected (she was very specific; “Love is valuable, but if you don’t have respect for the people you love you’re not honoring it.”)

BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS.   "Either one without a soul is wasted.” (Again, very specific about this. I don’t think she likes the questions.)

DOGS  OR  CATS.   (No preference.)

LAYER  005 :   DOES  SHE…

LIE.   Constantly. Mostly by omission, but directly as well. It’s worth noting, her lies are almost always in the name of maintaining her double life. She won’t lie about 'what matters’ - though, that can be a difficult line to define. In any case, she may lie but she won’t double cross you.

EDIT: I’m like three days later with this but I needed to say that in cases with people who already know about her double standing ( @reapxrs , Emery @siondacait , and people in her life like Chris & Mallory, etc.), or whom she would have no reason to hide from them ( like @talktoten ) she doesn’t lie very often if at all. Given the chance, she wants to be honest with you, it’s really just the matter of caution and wisdom that she must. ((And she..really almost wasn’t ever given the choice not to lead a double life, really. Given, you can argue she could come clean and stop living the way she does but... pft.))

BELIEVE  IN  HERSELF.   Yes.

BELIEVE  IN  LOVE.   Yes.

WANT  SOMEONE.  ‘Main’ verse (aka “canon” if I ever put her down in a book) would puther in a relationship with Chris, so No in that regard, but when it comes to platonic relationships the answer is always, always yes.

And in the case of being multi-verse/not really having a set in stone story because RP is naturally fluid, she’s not really ever actively looking, but if there was chemistry and moments and flirting (for the love of god, so much flirting, I hate her) then it’s not something she’d snub either.

LAYER  006 : HAS  SHE  EVER…

BEEN  ON  STAGE.   Yes.

DONE  DRUGS.   Yes. (Not with intent. (Although realistically alcohol is a drug so on that front I guess it’s technically still yes..))

CHANGED  WHO  SHE  WAS  TO  FIT  IN.   Not to fit in, per se, but to try and reach the (impossible) standards of a former mentor, yes. She has tried to be a much colder, detached version of herself several times, in fact, searching for her belonging in her family history and her brother’s syndicate, but really can’t manage it any more than it fools anyone.

LAYER  007 : FAVORITES.

FAVORITE  COLOUR.   Soft pinks and rich golds, and, honestly, just about anything shimmery.

FAVORITE  ANIMAL.   No generic favorite animal, but bias intact her dog Delilah and her cat Sampson are her favorite animals. She loves them equally, she will not pick between them.

FAVORITE  BOOK.   ??? (I cannot, for the life of me, figure this out. It’s on so many character questionnaires but she either doesn’t have one or simply refuses to disclose it.)

FAVORITE  GAME.   ...Does sparring count as a game? In any case, fight her for fun. She loves that.

LAYER  008 :   AGE.

DAY  HER  NEXT  BIRTHDAY  WILL  BE.   November 26th (a Monday this year, ew.)

HOW  OLD  WILL  SHE  BE.   24.

LAYER  009 : FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE  my family.

I  FEEL   responsible.

I  HIDE   what I have to.

I  MISS   my brother.

I  WISH  to honor all that I can.

tagged by stolen from: @sampatii

tagging: Everyone. No one. (Steal it and @ me >:) )