#i took a sleeping pill
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On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.
I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.
It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.
I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.
My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.
Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.
It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.
I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".
Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.
Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.
It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.
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Lmao, I accidentally turned my store intercom off and my colleague went looking for me cause she thought I may have fainted.
Cause I look like I didn't sleep an hour this night (I did).
Nice of her to worry for me and check up on me like that😢
#personal#i took a sleeping pill#and ut was still working#black tea didn't work tl wake me up#monster did#junky needs sleep#junky at work
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— I'm doing what I can, okay? Just...trust me. Please.
#falloutedit#fallout tv#fallout prime#cooper howard#barb howard#frances turner#walton goggins#tvedit#cinematv#filmtvcentral#filmtvtoday#tvarchive#tuserheidi#tusermira#usermaria#tv: fallout#fo*#gifs*#thats it. thats the franchise#ive had photoshop open all day#my computer is Pissed#but i was looking for screens for another set and i came over this scene#theyre so .#heartbreak emoji#editor's note i took a sleeping pill before working on this#100% regretti spaghetti i am struggling to sit up now
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Shawn would do this to Lassie but way before he's even been given a key
#inspired by 'btw we're out of peanut butter' ofc lol#mine#shassie#shawn spencer#carlton lassiter#psych#psych 2006#psych usa#forgive me if my speech is unclear or absurd i slept like 24h then took two otc sleep pills for even more sleep so i'm somewhat loopy rn lol
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#paper mario#papermariosuggestion#super paper mario#source: oh s*** i took both pills#source: reading-berks hotdog society#source: facebook#source: the matrix#source: sleep paralysis demon#source: waffpicklesicle#source: twitter
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Genuinely tweaking tf out because last chapter dropped and I'm so soul-wrenched pulled apart at the seams and unraveling that I don't even have the energy to cry lmaoo. Tbh i never expected to get this attached to a character/s (all of them, really- Shingen, Somi, Shintaro) and it sounds kind of stupid when I write it down here but still.
My heart breaks for all of them; Shingen, who had to live his life burdened by his clan duties. Shintaro, who had to live his life never being the first choice, of always being tethered to the rules. Somi, who, I think (I hope) loved her child, but just a little too late, and for Gun, poor, sweet Gun, who had to see them all die before his eyes.
They weren't good- they were a terrible family by all means (talking about the adults here obv), but somehow I can't bring myself to hate them for it. It's hard to express what I'm really feeling lol but I just hope. I just hope they're all finally at peace, now. Somehow, somewhere.
I hope Shingen and Shintaro get to be the kids that their childhood never allowed them to be, I hope Somi gets to smile more freely, and I hope that Gun can be happy and unburdened by his past. I hope.
#its kinda pathetic abt how im mourning over literal fictional ppl lmaoo#but like.#im so deeply attached??#idk#i started reading lookism when i was in a really bad place#and it took my mind off things for a while#especially my glorious king shintaro yk 😍😍#ig thats why its kind of a hard pill to swallow lol#but still#STILL#i think im losinh my mind lollll#nvm me#im js rambling atp#i need sleep#and possibl therapy lol#but its okayy#(its not IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWIHG UP I NEED A GOOD NICE HAPPY FIC WHERE NOTH9NG BAD HAPPENED AND THEY'RE ALL SAFE AND HAPPY OK)#also this ended up on a much more sadder note than i intended it to be lolll#SHINTARO MY LOVE MY BABY MY POOR SWEET DARLING COME BACK#I NEED YOU#HHHHHHHHHHHUH#lookism#shintaro yamazaki#gun park#shingen yamazaki#somi park#SHINTARO#SHINTAROOOOOOO
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Almost missed the baby’s birthday
#i was gone a try to draw something serious but I already took my sleeping pills#my hands are spaguetti#pix habla#fnaf#five nights at freddy’s#cryin child#Evan afton#fnaf 4#he is so happy I’m a dreamcore party ro yay
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I want to forget how in 2021 I made an entire POST that basically just was like "Sophie will be the mother of an elite race of elves if she has kids and significantly speed up elven evolution.."
and then I just didn't realize??? that that was just. Clearsight. From Wings of Fire.
It's so pretentious too :") Talking about how her descendants would theoretically have clear identifying abilities and features that link back to her, making them recognizable to the general public.
Where did my brain cells go these past three years? I was like 13, and yetmore well-spoken than I am now. By a landslide.
#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#i dont even think it's bad it's just funny#and kind of crazy#btw i found the post#NOT REALIZING I WROTE IT#thinking dang this is good#narcissist moment#sophie foster#my thoughts#sokeefe#i took a pill and i cant sleep hahaha
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blaziken will always be special to me cause after I had a car accident, holding onto my tiny blaziken plushie made me feel safe enough to get into a car again, so I'd say Blaziken has already smashed me, in my heart.
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME CRY ON THE POKÉMON SEX BLOG 🥺
#okay but this gave me feelings#I also got into a big car accident but as an adult and I was driving#I was super scared and injured#this is gonna be a long story sorry#anyway the pain was so bad pain pills weren’t helping#so I asked my mom if she could grab anything stronger from the pharmacy#she said she had two weed gummies in a secret drawer and to take one and just sleep#so I took one and it got rid of the pain but I wanted to stay awake and enjoy the high#and I marathoned all of the Peachsaliva Undertale playthrough#while super stoned and unable to get out of bed#and 4 days after the accident I had to drive again to pick up my brother from work#and I had a panic attack on the road and had to pull over but Undertale helped inspire me to keep going#I had determination lmao#and I kept driving and it got easier every time#sorry for the whole rant#ask#blaziken#pokemon#pkmn#pkmn smash or pass#pokemon smash or pass#smash or pass
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Good afternoon I was awake until 4 am then slept until about 4 pm. I have once again, in the absence of alcohol or pharmaceutical intervention, become Totally Nocturnal by accident. Please can someone kill my insomnia
#When will they let me have benzos again it's been over a decade since I took them irresponsibly :(#Please I just want a sleeping pill that works or Alternatively a Circadian rhythm that does:(
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I just think marc should be able to tuck his face against vale’s chest. I think he should be able to hug vale and tuck his nose up against vale’s neck and relax. He should get to snuggle up to vale and be warm and comfortable. I think vale should stop being a dick so that can happen.
And while I’m at it, bezz deserves that too. But not!!! just for winning. All the time. Especially when he’s in his Sad Gay Crisis phase. Vale hug the boy. Hug him and maybe he’ll stop getting weird emo sad boy tattoos.
#valentino rossi#marc marquez#marco bezzecchi#I took a ✨sleeping pill✨#and I’m thinking about my beloveds#mm93#mb72#vr46
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EVERYONE SHUT TF UP WOOYOUNG GOT A NEW TATTOO
#rune.txt#NEVER SLEEP IN TINYTOWN (i took a nap)#IT LOOKS SO GOOD HGHH PUNKSTAR WY IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES#AND THE ROOTS FORMING AND 8 ?!??&?&?#NEVER TAKE THR ATZ PILL IT WILL JINJJA KILL YOU
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Weirdly specific Mouthwashing discourse but while yes I think some people openly hardcore simping for a character that's a literal rapist is weird, insisting that he HAS to be completely ugly just because he's a villain makes me wanna bash my head against the wall likeeeee. Ugliness isn't an evil trait and only ever letting “ugly” people be villains makes you weird. Perpetuating pretty privilege is weird and really really cringe just food for thought
Also don't pretend like he doesn't exist alright. The jokes are funny but also the story would never have happened without him you can't downplay his importance. Arguing about whether or not people are allowed to find his design attractive and not discussing how refreshing it is for the abuser to be so deep and well written yet not uwu soft misunderstood is a CRIME
#rambles with miles#it is past my bed time and i just took sleeping pills ignore me#mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#tw rape mention#tw rape ment
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got a follow up doctor call in a bit and I'm really fighting the irrational fear that the sleep doctor is gonna be big mad at me because I can't sleep with the cpap machine face hugger on 🙃
#i tried. i really did. three weeks and it just made my sleep worse. even when i took a sleeping pill. i simply cannot tolerate it.#the worst part is the machine they gave me was faulty and not recording any data for the first like 2 weeks so that was a waste of my time
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I get home from work on Friday and think “aww yeah it’s Friday night, I don’t have work in the morning so I can stay up late playing games and shit” and then at 9 pm I’m already tired
#I am a dumbass who took my pills that help me sleep earlier than I probably should’ve#but also I worked out today and played a lot of guilty gear and also worked normal. all of which are tiring
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new sleep meds had absolutely zero (0) effect even though i took the higher dose so i ate a quick snack and took my regular meds and now i am going to attempt to get some sleep
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#dosage instructions were “take half to one pill at bedtime as needed” and i took a whole pill#i am extremely upset because i haven’t been getting much if any sleep for over a week now#anyways it is almost 9am aka daytime now so i am going to try to fall asleep#i have to get up and wash my dishes and shower before i leave for work and then i go back home tonight thankfully#two more days of work after tonight and then i get my two days off thankfully because i am not doing well lmao#i love my job i really do but also (muffled screaming)#just gotta get through the winter once winter is done and summer is here my job will be astronomically better#in so so so many ways i am honestly so excited but alas#four more months of fucking snow and freezing/below freezing temperatures yayyy /s
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