#i took a sleeping pill
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teaboot · 1 year ago
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On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.
I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.
It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.
I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.
My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.
Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.
It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.
I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".
Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.
Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.
It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.
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1337wtfomgbbq · 2 years ago
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Lmao, I accidentally turned my store intercom off and my colleague went looking for me cause she thought I may have fainted.
Cause I look like I didn't sleep an hour this night (I did).
Nice of her to worry for me and check up on me like that😢
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jackfuckingtwist · 8 months ago
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— I'm doing what I can, okay? Just...trust me. Please.
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lassiesloveoflarping · 25 days ago
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Shawn would do this to Lassie but way before he's even been given a key
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papermariosuggestion · 7 months ago
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m333myselfandiii · 2 months ago
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Genuinely tweaking tf out because last chapter dropped and I'm so soul-wrenched pulled apart at the seams and unraveling that I don't even have the energy to cry lmaoo. Tbh i never expected to get this attached to a character/s (all of them, really- Shingen, Somi, Shintaro) and it sounds kind of stupid when I write it down here but still.
My heart breaks for all of them; Shingen, who had to live his life burdened by his clan duties. Shintaro, who had to live his life never being the first choice, of always being tethered to the rules. Somi, who, I think (I hope) loved her child, but just a little too late, and for Gun, poor, sweet Gun, who had to see them all die before his eyes.
They weren't good- they were a terrible family by all means (talking about the adults here obv), but somehow I can't bring myself to hate them for it. It's hard to express what I'm really feeling lol but I just hope. I just hope they're all finally at peace, now. Somehow, somewhere.
I hope Shingen and Shintaro get to be the kids that their childhood never allowed them to be, I hope Somi gets to smile more freely, and I hope that Gun can be happy and unburdened by his past. I hope.
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pixlokita · 1 year ago
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Almost missed the baby’s birthday
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anomanxious · 2 days ago
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I want to forget how in 2021 I made an entire POST that basically just was like "Sophie will be the mother of an elite race of elves if she has kids and significantly speed up elven evolution.."
and then I just didn't realize??? that that was just. Clearsight. From Wings of Fire.
It's so pretentious too :") Talking about how her descendants would theoretically have clear identifying abilities and features that link back to her, making them recognizable to the general public.
Where did my brain cells go these past three years? I was like 13, and yetmore well-spoken than I am now. By a landslide.
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pkmn-smashorpass · 1 year ago
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blaziken will always be special to me cause after I had a car accident, holding onto my tiny blaziken plushie made me feel safe enough to get into a car again, so I'd say Blaziken has already smashed me, in my heart.
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME CRY ON THE POKÉMON SEX BLOG 🥺
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chicago-geniza · 1 month ago
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Good afternoon I was awake until 4 am then slept until about 4 pm. I have once again, in the absence of alcohol or pharmaceutical intervention, become Totally Nocturnal by accident. Please can someone kill my insomnia
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hotmessmaxpress · 8 months ago
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I just think marc should be able to tuck his face against vale’s chest. I think he should be able to hug vale and tuck his nose up against vale’s neck and relax. He should get to snuggle up to vale and be warm and comfortable. I think vale should stop being a dick so that can happen.
And while I’m at it, bezz deserves that too. But not!!! just for winning. All the time. Especially when he’s in his Sad Gay Crisis phase. Vale hug the boy. Hug him and maybe he’ll stop getting weird emo sad boy tattoos.
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matzofficial · 13 days ago
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EVERYONE SHUT TF UP WOOYOUNG GOT A NEW TATTOO
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irlkisukeurahara · 2 months ago
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Weirdly specific Mouthwashing discourse but while yes I think some people openly hardcore simping for a character that's a literal rapist is weird, insisting that he HAS to be completely ugly just because he's a villain makes me wanna bash my head against the wall likeeeee. Ugliness isn't an evil trait and only ever letting “ugly” people be villains makes you weird. Perpetuating pretty privilege is weird and really really cringe just food for thought
Also don't pretend like he doesn't exist alright. The jokes are funny but also the story would never have happened without him you can't downplay his importance. Arguing about whether or not people are allowed to find his design attractive and not discussing how refreshing it is for the abuser to be so deep and well written yet not uwu soft misunderstood is a CRIME
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imsodishy · 2 months ago
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got a follow up doctor call in a bit and I'm really fighting the irrational fear that the sleep doctor is gonna be big mad at me because I can't sleep with the cpap machine face hugger on 🙃
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fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 10 months ago
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I get home from work on Friday and think “aww yeah it’s Friday night, I don’t have work in the morning so I can stay up late playing games and shit” and then at 9 pm I’m already tired
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threnodians · 12 days ago
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new sleep meds had absolutely zero (0) effect even though i took the higher dose so i ate a quick snack and took my regular meds and now i am going to attempt to get some sleep
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