#i told her she could just scribble it out but she ripped a new page anyway

[tamagotchikgs]

here’s my homework 4 this month,,. She said the lazy thing was just an easy example and it’s for like . When i say im ugly & horrific n the worst person on the planet in fact im not even a person im worse than a creature im a blob but worse than a blob because even they are beautiful in their own way, etcetc,,,,

[asteroidzzzn]

stargirl | part 3

pairing: rockstar!ellie x bartender!reader

warnings: cursing, smoking, eventual sexual themes, ellies kinda an asshole, reader is delulu (are u sensing a pattern here)

songs in this chapter: crybaby - the neighborhood rip 2 my youth - the neighborhood knee socks - arctic monkeys true blue - boygenius cool about it - boygenius why'd you only call me when you're high - arctic monkeys

word count: 2.1k

a/n: i just couldn't resist

summary: the fireflies is a new band consisting of three people. after being cheated out by their former bassist, they needed to find a replacement, and quick. who better than you, the cute bartender that hasn't touched an instrument in years?

fireflies gc🌟

dina <3: you guys better prepare i have great news

your phone flickered with dina's message as it lay on your chest. the ringing broke the unbearable silence between you and ellie.

ellie sat on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, scribbling in her journal. you figured it must be some sacred text, considering how she never let anyone read it but herself. it probably included random blurbs and ideas, but she would only let the rest of the band see the finished versions of her writing.

you interlaced your fingers together. cracked your knuckles. looked around the room. twirled your finger in the stray string hanging off the bottom of your shirt. pulled it. you were very bored.

dina had urged you to be early to practice today, but she got caught with jesse in traffic on the way. she was an estimated fifteen more minutes away. leaving you and ellie alone. together.

"dina says she has great news for us," you told her. you got no response.

her eyebrows furrowed and she flipped her pencil around, erasing a whole half page of information, flicking the excess off that landed on her shirt. it was the third time she erased a major section. you figured she had writer's block.

"can i read what you have so far?"

"no," she responded promptly, not taking her eyes off the paper.

"but i could help."

"no, you couldn't."

"rip out a page for me."

"what?"

she looked at you like you killed her whole family.

"yeah, could i try writing something?"

"you—ugh. sure, fine, knock yourself out," she flipped to the back and handed you an uneven sheet of paper. you grabbed a stray pen from the coffee table.

"have you ever written a song before?" she folded her arms and leaned against the arm of the couch to face you.

you hesitated. "one."

"about?"

"an ex," you mumbled, embarrassed at the recollection of your angsty teen attempt at writing a sad love song.

she groaned, shoved her pencil into her journal, and shut it aggressively. now that she was done with her own writing, she seemed to want to bother you about yours.

"let me read the lyrics. or listen to it," she said while throwing her journal somewhere to the ground.

"only if you let me read one of your songs."

she scoffed. "ultimatums are rude."

"you've probably done worse," you bit back.

she couldn't argue with you. she waited for you to pull up the doc to the lyrics before she gave you the journal. she reached for your phone, but you pulled it back before she could grasp it.

"i don't want feedback. it's old and bad and i'm aware. also there are three on this, so i get to read three of yours."

"fair enough about the feedback. thought we agreed on one for one, though?"

"i know you well enough to know you'd read the other two anyways."

she tilted her head down to smile out of your sight, but you caught it before it was hidden. "yeah, you're not wrong," she dropped her journal in your lap and you handed her your phone.

it was very vulnerable for both of you. song lyrics tend to be very intimate and personal. you hoped she liked them. but also that she wouldn't share her thoughts.

her opinion mattered an odd amount to you.

you noticed her fingers tapping on your phone. her knee bounced. maybe she was just as nervous as you. you wondered if you were the first person she shared this part of herself with. probably not. but the thought lingered on your mind for a while.

you carefully opened her journal to where the pen was. apparently, this was also her sketchbook. countless messy faces, animals, and instruments littered the pages, to the point where there was no blank space left.

there were only eraser marks on the right page, and a song titled crybaby on the left.

crybaby didn't seem like it was written by ellie. it was too...honest. it revealed things about her. while reading the lyrics, you felt connected to her. you understood what she was feeling.

crybaby (name is work in progress).

i think i try too hard

how i look, what i do, what i'm sayin'

i spend too much time explainin' myself

i hope there's a chance some time to change it

you glanced at her beside you. she avoided your eyes, continuing to scroll on your phone, knees tucked up to her chest.

note: keys heavy for this song.

i've got this anxious feeling

but it goes away for a minute when I'm with you, being breathing

i can't fake it i can taste it, my heart's breakin', please don't say

that you know, when you know

you flipped to the page before it, with two new songs.

(??? no name)

note: shit ton of treble or i'll sound dumb

i don't believe it if i don't know you

i don't believe it if it's on the news or on the internet

i need a cigarette

i'm just telling what's true the truth

and you could play this at my funeral

tell ******, "don't cry and don't be sad

i'm in paradise with dad"

close my eyes and then cross my arms

put me in the dirt, let me be with the stars

you almost wanted to stop. it was too personal. you skipped to the third song.

knee socks

when the zeros line up on the 24 hour clock

when you know who's callin' even though the number is blocked

when you walked around our your house wearin' my sky blue lacoste

and your knee socks

note: this part repeats like 4 times. we'll see. maybe would sound cool with reverb?

you and me could have been a team

(zeros)

each had a half of a king and queen seat

(lined up)

like the beginnin' of mean streets

you could be my baby

you cleared your throat.

"i'm done."

ellie nodded, lip in between her teeth. "almost done."

you waited for a few more minutes, trying to remember which three songs you wrote all those years ago, and imagined what she was thinking at that exact moment.

"ok, i'm done too," she gave you your phone, and you handed her the journal. there was a moment when neither of you dared to breathe too loud.

"so... what did you think?" she asked, not moving her head up from her lap.

"oh? thought you didn't want feedback?"

"only if it's good."

"well, then i couldn't say anything," you teased her, which drew out a chuckle.

"i'll only tell you good things, too."

you sighed. "ok. you first."

the two of you shifted on the couch to face each other. you propped your head on your hand, staring at her with anticipation.

it was a long moment before she spoke. "true blue is really good, and cool about it is... kind of tragic. why'd you only call me when you're high is a fucking mouthful of a title, but the lyrics aren't bad."

you smiled. "so, which one was your favorite? and why?"

"depends on my mood. if i'm...angry, i guess, or bitter is the better word. it's why'd you only call me when you're high. if i'm sad it's true blue. even more sad, it's cool about it. that's an evil song, man. like really. heartbreaking."

you shrugged. "i tend to have that effect on women."

"yeah, whatever," ellie rolled her eyes. "tell me about mine."

"it's kind of the same for you, actually. a sad-ish one, evil and heartbreaking, and a little angry."

"and your favorite?"

"definitely crybaby."

she groaned in disgust and covered her face with her hands.

"damn, i thought i ripped that page out. that one sucks."

"i thought it was great. it's honest. and relatable."

she scoffed and turned away from you. you had noticed it was a habit of hers to avoid the situation when she became defensive. and being rude usually never helped. "yeah, totally relatable—"

"i'm serious, ellie. you're a good writer. they're good lyrics. why haven't you performed it yet?"

"it's not really your business."

but it is, you wanted to say. you were part of this band too, now. but she didn't act like it, and it made you furious. you sighed. it wasn't worth it to start a fight now.

"ok, fine," you at least made it evident in your voice that you were disappointed. ellie had let you read her journal, but it wasn't enough. you wanted more. to learn everything about her. to figure out who she really was.

it was extremely difficult to accept the fact that it would most likely take a very long time.

in almost perfect timing, dina and jesse pushed through the door.

"guys, i am so sorry, traffic was a bitch and i had to pick something up for us."

you shook your head, "don't worry about it. come on, sit down," you moved to the left slightly so dina could take up the space in between you and ellie. jesse took the white box dina held into his own lap and sad on the floor near the couch.

"so? what's the big news?" you asked dina, who was beaming.

"this is huge for us, it could mean—jesse, don't open the box yet. i haven't told them."

jesse swiftly placed a cupcake back inside the box. "sorry, i'm hungry."

dina continued, "ok. drumroll, please."

everyone patted their thighs.

"we're going on tour with the fucking strokes! we'll open for three of their shows on the east coast in two months!"

"oh my god..." you breathed. "that's huge!"

ellie blinked. "you're serious?"

dina nodded fervently. "yeah, dude. we could get so much recognition for this. it's the opportunity of a lifetime."

you brought your hand to cover your mouth, and realized you were shaking. were you ready for this? would they find a better bassist to go on the tour? would you become famous? no... this was a part-time thing. just something on the side.

you swallowed, and spoke just barely loud enough for them to hear.

"would you want me to go...or....?"

the three turned to you, unsure of what to say. you had made it clear you were simply a temporary fix for the real bassist that would be joining the band. and you would leave, and be on with your life.

dina bit the inside of her cheek, eyebrows furrowed. "that's up to you. i... i'm not sure we could find a different bassist in the next month and a half that's like... you. y'know? don't feel pressured, though. we could make—"

"i want you in the band," jesse shared while licking the sprinkles off of a blue cupcake. "you're basically already in it, anyways. not much would change. think about it, we'd love for you to be apart of it officially. right, guys?"

ellie and dina shared a quick look. dina nodded, "of course."

"yeah," ellie added, giving a brief, small smile.

your heart raced. this would change everything. but you were willing to try.

"ok. i want to stay. i'll go on the tour with you."

dina pulled you into a hug.

"welcome to the fireflies, y/n. for real this time. now, let's get to work."

༊*·˚

the next sixty days flew by before your eyes. you sat down with the band and allowed them to read one of your songs. you did a bit of revising, and they loved it.

you urged ellie to share knee socks with the others, telling her that it was the perfect "tour song", and that everyone would adore it. she didn't understand what you meant. she did it anyways.

it was two days before your departure to the first destination: seattle, washington. you had to take a few weeks of leave from work to go on tour. your boss was very understanding. with a laugh, you promised you would remember her when you were out and about as a famous rockstar signing tits.

ellie, dina, and jesse sat on the floor on their phones. you yawned and gripped the couch to help you stand up. as soon as you were upright, you fell back down again.

with your face pressed into the cushions, you mumbled, "g'night."

dina chuckled. "you want a ride home so you can sleep in your bed? that couch probably has rabies and it feels like a rock."

"don't care," you sighed, sinking into it.

after a few minutes, you had nearly drifted off to sleep. you suddenly felt a chilling leather material cover your upper body. you heard someone sit down.

"aw, you're so sweet, taking care of her," dina teased under her breath.

"shut up," ellie whispered back immediately.

"just saying."

"a—what's that supposed to mean?"

their voices became fuzzy as you drifted into sleep.

"whatever you make it mean."

a/n: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ellie putting her leather jacket over reader when she's asleep oh i'm ill i need a doctor ASAP! hope u enjoyed !!!!!!!!!! so excited to write the next chapter i'll actually die. i do need to go to sleep rn tho it's 12:44am so, goodnight (❁´◡`❁) also,,,,, since reader's officially part of the band now should i change the pairing? since she's not a bartender anymore,, really,,,, i don't know.

taglist: @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @elliesinterlude

[deathofacupid]

daddy's money | peter parker

get your mind outta the gutter. also, y/n is tony stark's daughter.

summary: you don't like the idea of a new step-mother, so you take things into your own hands.

she scowled at the woman sitting in front of her, stabbing her broccoli in hopes that it would control the pending urge of wanting to stab rachel.

rachel.

filthy little woman. y/n was sure, 100% sure, that she was only here for the money. if only her father could see that, she thought, continuing to assault the veggies in front of her.

rachel was her tony's new fling. or at least that's what she had thought. until the woman sat in her eyeline, flaunting her new diamond ring.

that's a fat stone.

every single little thing about rachel just seemed to set y/n off. from the way she bugged about coffee coasters, to how she scrunched her stupidly perfect nose when she laughed. the stark girl wanted to drag that lady out the front door by her hair.

"y/n, honey," her infuriating voice called out, "is everything alright? i was just asking your father about your boyfriend. i would absolutely love to meet him!"

"no, thanks. don't need another person getting brainwashed by you," she muttered under her breath.

"i'm sorry, what was that?"

"nothing."

"surely you've told him about me, no?"

y/n returned the smile, except hers had sarcasm dripping from it. "it must have slipped my mind, rachel, but i'm not sure it would have come up, anyways. we really only talk about important things."

rachel opened her mouth to respond, but her father had already gotten to that. "y/n," he warned.

"yes, daddy?" she asked, her voice the most innocent it could be.

he looked at her with exasperation before turning back to his fiancée to tell her about peter.

y/n huffed and crossed her arms, debating if she should throw a tantrum or not, as childish as it was. "can i be excused?" she didn't wait for an answer as her push her chair away from the table, already hitting the button for the elevator.

she laid in bed that night, thinking of a way to show her dad she didn't want this. she didn't need another family member. their family was perfect the way it was, just the two of them, was it not?

y/n grinned to herself, formulating a plan already. she was gonna make him pick.

her or rachel?

and she hoped her answer was right.

~.*.~

y/n saw peter approaching her from the corner of her eye, and waved him over to her locker. "hey, angel," he greeted, the cutest smile on his face. "how was your day?"

"it was okay. as good as mondays can be. you know, i really don't like mondays. or tuesdays. or wednesdays. or thursdays and fridays."

peter snickered at her, placing a kiss on her forehead. "that's okay, 'cuz you got me here to make your life amazing."

"on the note of amazingness," she started, kicking in her plan, "i've got a date planned for us."

"you do? wait, is today something important? is it your birthday? wait, no, my birthday? anniversary? fuck- no, wait, shit, um-"

"no, pete! can't a girlfriend do something excessively romantic for her boyfriend?"

"not this one, no," he teased. y/n stuck her tongue out at him, giggling slightly. she opened the notebook that she was holding and scribbled an address down, ripping the page out handing it to him. "meet me here. at six. in a tux, babe."

"woah, tux? what've you got planned?"

"please, i'm the daughter of tony stark. i'm allowed to plan good shit."

"yes, ma'am. six o'clock sharp. won't keep you waiting," peter winked.

"you better not," she retorted, poking his chest lightly.

laying a kiss on her cheeked, he walked backwards away from her, "bye, darling, love you," he called out.

"see you, baby."

~.*.~

he walked up to the large building, eyes wide as he rechecked the address from what seemed to be the place y/n had told him to arrive at. and this was definitely the one. by the looks of it, this place was fucking expensive, and he knew that. peter wasn't expecting something like this. he hesitantly pushed open the door, jaw dropping as he saw the shining chandelier that was hoisted into the air.

yep. definitely expensive.

"hello, sir, do you have a name for the reservation?"

"yes- no, um, maybe? actually, you see, i-"

"he's with me," y/n smiled, intertwining their hands as she stepped into the building. "reservation for stark."

the waitress's brows shot up, presumably after hearing the girl's surname.

"of course, right this way."

y/n pulled him through to the table. and it was a nice table. that was probably the first thing he noticed. after the waitress had left them alone, he finally got a chance to admire how the love of his life looked tonight.

"you look... um, really gorgeous, angel."

"why, thank you, parker. you don't look to shabby yourself."

she glanced down at the menu, skimming through to see what she wanted. peter did the same, and she knew he'd pick the cheapest thing. but it didn't matter, y/n had it covered.

"are you ready to order?" a different waiter asked.

"um, just a sec, i-"

"yes. one of everything, please."

"woah, wait, what? y/n, we don't-"

"we do," she shrugged, not even bothering to figure out the rest of what he was about to say. his eyes were wide, and he looked back and forth, from y/n to the man taking down the order.

"angel, this is crazy expensive. besides, there's no way we can eat all of that!"

"oh, well, what we can't finish we can pack. i'm sure may would enjoy some gourmet food. who doesn't?"

peter sighed, already confused and worried as to what she was planning. "will that be all?" the man asked.

what else is there to get? it's not like we've ordered literally one of everything, he thought. peter had no idea what the love of his life was up to. but whatever it was, he figured, it wouldn't be good. it was odd because was usually so careful with how she spent money, and now she was spending so much.

"baby, baby, get that look off your face. you're totally overthinking this."

"sorry i'm overthinking how your dad will kill me when he finds out you've ordered everything there is to order on the menu when we're supposed to be on a regular date," he scoffed.

"nah, love, he won't kill you. i think."

"jeez, makes me feel so much better."

"you need to shut up and enjoy this."

"okay, okay, i'm done now!"

"uh-huh. and either way, babe," she started, a shit-eating grin plastered to her face, "it's daddy's money."

~.*.~

the second his love walked through the doors of the school that, he was happy, but also exasperated. every single day of the past two weeks, she had gotten his a ridiculously expensive present. he had tried so hard to tell her he didn't need it, but then she'd pull that face that made him melt. the one where she parted her lips and pouted the slightest. where her brows were upturned and her eyes were wider than normal. and then... he had no choice but to give in.

peter was slightly scared to see what it was this time. why was she spending so much on him? spending so much of tony's money.

but he did have a suspicion.

"hey, mr. stark," peter greeted, giving a small wave as he approached the older man who seemed to be tearing his hair out at his computer.

"oh, hey, peter."

"you don't normally sound that disappointed to see me," he joked.

"no... it's not that, it's just," he sighed, "god sakes, my daughter's been running up thousand upon thousands of dollars! it's ridiculous! she's already spent just over a million!" the boy winced, frowning.

"i know it's not really my place to, um, say this, but have you talked about... er- rachel to her? i-it just seems like she isn't... how do i say this? fond? she doesn't seem fond of her." fond wasn't the right word. more like hate. hate with a burning passion. the fact that y/n cursed about the lady to him was a hint. just a hint.

tony sucked in a breath, "well, kind of." he opened his mouth, trying to figure out how to explain this. "i know y/n doesn't like rachel. but i thought maybe if we got more serious, like, i don't know, engaged, she would see that rachel's here to stay. i love both them, i really do, but i can't figure out how to get them to love each other." tony paused. "is that was this is? this whole money thing, peter?"

"...yes. well, i think. look, mr. stark, y/n isn't great with change. and you know this as much as i do. try and level with her here, a heart to heart or something. honestly... i think she's just, um, scared." he knew she'd kill him if she ever heard him say that. instinctively, he looked around, just to double check. his girlfriend didn't come close to an avenger, but she scared him more than any of them ever did. definitely got that part from her dad.

"yeah, no, i think you're right." he paused. "nope, still sounds weird to say aloud."

peter shrugged, "at the end of the day, whether she likes it or not, you're still her dad. and i know y/n wants to see you happy, and if this is it... she'll understand."

"i know, i know. wait, what do you mean, 'whether she likes it or not?'"

"uh, so, i'm gonna go now. good luck, mr. stark," he rambled, rushing out.

tony took a deep breath as he enter the elevator, preparing himself to go talk to his daughter. he knocked quietly on the door, "y/n, sweetheart?"

"dad?" she asked, peeking her head out the door.

"um, yeah, can i come in? i want to talk to you."

"er- okay," y/n opened the door wider for him to come in. "what's up?"

"a lot," he pressed his lips together, "like the sky, cosmos-"

"what? wait, no, dad-"

"yeah, i know. that was the worst one yet," tony chuckled, glancing at her and taking a seat on her bed. he patted the spot beside him, motioning the girl over. she did so, plopping herself down.

"look, peanut, i know you don't like rachel. trust me, i got those subtle hints. you know, like you spending a million dollars on stupidly expensive things. but y/n, i really like her. she's it for me. it's like what you have with peter, but, like, varied. we aren't half as sappy."

she hummed in annoyance, playfully rolling her eyes before looking down at her hands.

"why do we need her? i don't want, nor need, a mom. much less a stepmom. much, much, less rachel. am- am i not enough? is that why?" her voice broke slightly, showing her vulnerability.

tony quickly took her hands in his, eyes widening. "no, no, no, y/n. of course not, sweetheart. did you really think that?" tears pooled in his eyes as he reassured his daughter. "you come first. you have always, always, always come first, from the second you were brought into this world. you come before her, and you will stay my first priority, forever. please trust that. you are everything to me, honey, everything. rachel isn't going to change anything."

"you mean it?" she cried. "promise?"

"i promise, sweetheart," he murmured, sniffing as he pulled his daughter into the safe place that was his arms. and they stayed like that for a while, until y/n pulled away.

"okay," she whispered. "i don't like rachel, and i can't guarantee that it'll change soon, but i'll try."

"that's all i need, honey. i love you 3000," he winked.

y/n hugged him again, and after a second, "did peter put you up to this?"

"you've got one heck of a boyfriend."

"i know, daddy."

[calehenituse-brainrot]

Partings

Cale Henituse | Kim Rok Soo x Transported!Reader

"I have loved you all in every way I could. Please believe me."

WARNING: intrusive thoughts about self-harm and suicide, major character death, slight body horror

"Today have been so amazing."

You smiled when Rosalyn tucked strands of your hair behind your ear, seeing her lips curl up into a grin. "You did well."

"Thank you," you say as Rosalyn's hand drops back to her side. Turning to look at the company behind her, you try your hardest not to let your lips quiver. "Thank you so much for coming over. I appreciate it."

"We would never miss an invitation from you, Miss [Name]," said Jack, smiling at you softly. "We hope you keep bringing good news."

You smiled at him. "Me too."

"I'll be sending you letters of any discoveries I make," Rosalyn said with visible eagerness. You laughed, "I won't understand much, but okay."

"Do send letters to me to tell me how you're all doing," you told them all. "It sometimes gets boring to only read letters from nobles that are stuck-up. I deserved something new once in a while."

Lock gave you a smile with rosy cheeks. "We will. Take care of yourself, [Name]-nim."

Goodbyes ended painfully short. You made sure to hug them or at least held their hands, savoring every moment with the people you have chosen as your safe place. You looked into Rosalyn's eyes and smiled when she gave you a grin, no doubt happy to see her sister again after a while. The feel of her long red hair brushing up against your cheeks when you hug her and the tight hug she gave you made you wonder whether you've ever given this comforting of a hug to your step-sisters. You couldn't remember.

"Are you okay?" asked Eruhaben when you just finished bidding everyone goodbye.

You were a bit startled and then nodded your head. "Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

Eruhaben tilted his head as he looked at you. "You just feel a bit odd."

"I'm always odd, aren't I?" You say with a playful grin. "It's just fatigue, Eruhaben-nim."

'Liar,' he thought. Eruhaben looked at you for a moment before he dusted your shoulder. "Have a good evening, [Name]. Take some good rest."

You gave him a wry smile. "Thank you. You have a good rest, too, Eruhaben-nim."

Eruhaben watched you walk away, the back of your dress dirty with dirt and grass, tears here and there. He thought about how small you are compared to him -- a mere existence that could get hurt so easily. 

It might be ridiculous of him to admit this, but he always was fascinated with how humans could live out their life so fully despite having such short lives. Sometimes their lives are so full of happy things, but other times, their lives are constantly full of pain and sorrow. While you never told much, Eruhaben could tell you were also someone with stories and scars of your own -- he just hoped you were strong enough to bear with it all.

You took a bath and changed into casual apparel, with a white button-up tucked into dark long trousers and heeled loafers. You pace back and forth in your room and began to empty your wardrobe, taking the most simple clothes that are easy to pack and take care of. Your spatial bag was filled with the money you got, which was more than enough, but you only took some out and put it in a simple pouch, leaving the spatial bag in the wardrobe. You took out a journal Cale had bought you years ago, insisting that you left some kind of mark in this world, ripping a few pages.

Your incoherent scribbles and makeup are burnt into the fireplace, and perfumes poured down the drain. You cleared your room until there were no more signs of you because you know firsthand that having something left behind will only be painful. You don't know whether or not you were coming back and you thought of a scenario where if you do not come back at all, forcing them all to forget about you was easier. Holding onto your things will only make things worse.

In the pages you had just torn, you wrote a quick letter to both Alver and Cale along with the kids. You wrote a letter to Cage, making sure to tell her about the voices in your head and your guesses. You stuffed her letter into your bag, while you folded Cale and Alver's out in the open, using a pen to hold down the papers.

"Ah."

You jumped, turning around from watching your scribbles being burnt to the door. You saw Ron standing in your doorway, stepping inside and closing the door. "Ron."

Just by a quick scan of the room and by the looks of the suitcase on your bed, Ron was able to conclude what you were doing. "So it is today."

"Lock the door," you say, poking the fire with a poker, making sure to burn all the pigments and their container burn to nothing. 

Ron does as you say, looking at the suitcase where the clothes are thrown around hazardously. He can feel your eyes on him, hearing him click his tongue before he bends down and began folding your clothes.

At the sight of an older man folding your clothes, you inhaled a cry, eyes glossy. Ron begin sorting your clothes and putting them back in the suitcase and you wished that you could have seen your father does these types of things once a long time ago. "T-thank you."

"When you travel, make sure to pack the things that are a necessity," Ron told you instead. "And sort them nicely so you can easily get the things you need without digging into your bag."

"Yes," you answered with a small voice, turning to look back at the fire. "I-I don't usually travel by myself."

"You don't?" asked Ron, folding a trouser. "What of when you escaped from your family?"

"I never did that."

Ron blinked at your confession. As far as he knows, you ran away from an abusive household and decided to live in the slums where Cale would then take a liking to you and have you join the family. You have always said the same story over and over again whenever anyone probed further, so to hear you say otherwise was quite surprising. "Then?"

"They left," you say, poking at the fire again as if your things were still there -- they had been burned to ashes. "They left me."

"My mother left my father and I and remarried someone else. My father left me when I was eighteen," you continued, watching the fire slowly begin eating away the wood in the fireplace, the flame becoming small with how little wood there was left. "I don't know where he is until now."

Ron closed your suitcase with a click. "And your mother?" 

"Died. Illness," you kept your answer short and simple.

Your mother had died from cancer right around the time you got into college, and your father went missing a few days after. It felt strange, to see your already broken family become nothing. You grieved over her death but always felt like you shouldn't -- not when she abused you for nearly all your life and not when you're seated next to her family, who you believed deserved to grieve, not you.

Her death impacted your father, though, and sometimes you think it might be because of her death that your father left. Maybe it was too much and he found a good spot to kill himself, perhaps he just didn't want to look at you because you remind him of her.

"You never truly recover from that."

You let out a chuckle. "Nope."

"It made sense," Ron continued. "That you ended up like this."

You frowned, turning to look at the older man who was staring at you with a deadpan. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The abused became the abuser."

Your whole body stilled, eyes widened in shock while Ron continued; "The abandoned became the abandoner."

Your blood went cold and you felt like the delightful lunch you had earlier was going to come out. You choked on the air instead, eyes turning glossy with tears threatening to come out. There was immense pain in your chest, branching out to your whole body. Nothing was more painful than to have someone see your parents in you and you feel how the heaviness in your chest managed to turn into something real and physical -- you feel like it's hard to breathe.

You closed your eyes, tears escaping as you shook your head. You wiped the tear, looking away. "No, don't say that."

"Am I wrong?" Ron pressed, frowning at the way your whole body seemed to shake. You let out a laugh, face wet with tears. "Ron, please."

"[Name]--"

"Shut up!" You snapped, the sob that comes out of your mouth sounding so foreign -- it has been a while since you cried properly. "That's not fair, you know that! I'm trying my best, my fucking best to heal! You don't get to say shit like that to me, okay?! You're being so fucking unfair! I'm just trying to--"

A choked sob escaped you, stopping you from your rant. Tears are streaming down your face, your head felt heavy and you want nothing but to grab the nearest scissor and stab yourself in the chest just to have this feeling go away. You were reminded of the days in high school, craving the sting of sliced skin that could always numb the pain. Anything but this.

Your previously shrill voice turned small as you sobbed into your hands, "I am not my parents."

"Not if you try to be better," Ron said, touching your shoulder. "Don't love like they did."

Ron stayed beside you, watching you stare at the fire until only the embers are left. Your eyes were bloodshot, your lashes wet and face flushed dark and your whole body was beginning to calm down when you say; "It's the way I've always known."

Ron decides to say nothing concerning that.

"Will you be joining dinner?"

You stare at the remains of your makeup container. "No. I am asleep because I am tired from the picnic."

Ron exhaled, knowing you were asking him to cover for you. "Of course. Please have a nice rest, Miss [Name]."

Ohn doesn't see you after the picnic, but she did saw you again near the middle of the night when you came to Cale's room.

Cale had been asleep but the sound of the door creaking and footsteps managed to wake him up a bit, although everything is a blur. Ohn sees you approach the bed, sitting at the side. "Hey."

Cale hummed sleepily as a reply.

"There's a small issue at the port," you murmured. Ohn could hear how your voice sounded off, strained and raspy. Your eyes are puffy and red and Ohn simply leaned to you, hoping that it could offer some comfort to you. You rubbed her head, appreciating the action while you continued, "There's some miscommunication down the port and I have to go clear it up."

Cale frowned, eyes still closed. You ran a hand through his red hair and your heart only became heavier when you see the soft, small smile on his face. "Mhm, be careful."

You used your thumb to caress the skin under Cale's eyes, savoring every moment with him and the feel of his warmth underneath your fingers. Cale's one eye opens a bit, "'s matter?"

"Mhm, you're just very pretty," you mumbled. Cale clicked his tongue and you watch as his cheeks began to get red when he gently pushes your hand away, "Stop it. Go and finish your thing quickly. Get some good night's rest."

Cale knows how much of a workaholic you are so he knows that it would be in vain to persuade you to have someone else check on it. 'I'll ask her about it in the morning.'

"Yes, sir," you answered him with a light chuckle, watching him close his eyes again to go back to sleep.

You turned to the kids, petting their heads before walking out the room. Ohn sat on the bed, listening to Caleb's breathing returning to slow and shallow and the sound of your footsteps as they began to fade out.

She jumped from the bed, chasing after you down the hall after successfully opening the door. You were walking down the dark hallway while wearing your coat. She finds it odd that you were walking to the backdoor of the estate instead of the front door that can easily lead you to the gates.

Ohn ended up following you to the back door, seeing Ron standing by the door. He spotted her and it made you turn, startled to find the kitten. "Ohn?"

"Let me go with you?" She asked with a small voice.

You smiled, letting out a quiet chuckle. "It's the middle of the night, Ohn. Kids should be in bed, sleeping."

Ohn wanted to retort, saying that she's old enough to stay up, that she's older than her siblings, but seeing the wry smile on your face and the way Ron's lips are pursed into a straight line, she knew that she has no place to argue.

"Be back soon," she settled with that instead, her wish to grow older stronger than before. You turned around, accepting a hat from Ron when you replied, "I'll try to."

"Promise?"

Ohn understands that she sounds absolutely childish but if you want to keep on pulling out the "you're still a kid" card, then Ohn will use it. She hears you let out a sigh, shoulders sagging.

"I'll try my best, Ohn," you say, still refusing to look back at her. "Take care of yourself and the others, alright? I'll be back as soon as I could."

Ron opens the door and you immediately walked out, the moonlight enveloping Ohn's small kitten body. She sees a carriage right outside, Beacrox standing by the horses. As Ron closes the door, the moonlight slowly disappear and Ohn returned to Cale's room.

Ron closed the door behind him and followed you to the carriage.

"Beacrox," you greeted him. "Thank you for doing this."

The tall, brooding man's gaze was unreadable when his eyes met yours. You can't tell what exactly he was thinking when he turned to look at his father and then then turned around to climb to the coach.

Ron opens the door to the carriage — the interior was a classic wooden detail with deep red plush. There were no extra decorations that could risk any robbery or identification, just like what you requested. Ron held out his hand, his intentions to help you board the carriage.

"Have a safe travel, Miss [Name]," Ron says when you placed your hand on his. "Please be home soon."

You stared at the older man, throat constricting at the word "home". You nodded, not knowing where that place is — is it here, with them or is it out there, wherever it is that you're destined to be?

"I'm... Sorry," you mumbled. "For yelling at you."

Ron was quiet for a few seconds before he admitted, "I was out of line with my words."

"But you were right," you acknowledged. "I will keep embodying my abuse if I don't properly heal. I'm sorry."

"You just weren't loved properly," Ron says, looking into your glossy [e/c] eyes. "Not in the way you deserved."

"I—" You held back a sob. "Thank you, for helping me."

You don't exactly know what punishment they will receive once it's revealed that they helped you, but you know how much you appreciate them for it. You wrapped your arms around Ron's chest, burying your face into his dress shirt.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled. "I love everyone, I promise, I just don't want to hurt you all more. I have loved you all in every way I could, please believe me."

"I do," said Ron. "Be safe out there."

You sniffled, looking up at Ron with brows furrowed in determination. You nodded, wiping your tears with the sleeve of your coat. 

"Now, the ship won't be waiting for you," Ron said, urging you to grab his hand and board the carriage. You climbed onto the carriage and saw that your suitcase was already inside, placed across you.

Ron shut the carriage door and you looked at him through the window, mustering up a smile to look at him. "I'll be back soon."

"The Young Master will be elated to hear that," Ron teased with a benign smile. You let out a loud chuckle, wiping your wet cheeks but before Ron coulf signal to Beacrox to start moving the carriage, you took out a letter.

"Give this to Cage once everyone's calmed down after my disappearance," you told him. "Do not open it, otherwise. Make sure it gets to her in perfect condition."

Ron accepts the letter, slipping it into his coat's inner pocket. "As you wish."

You smiled at Ron, your chest brimming with so much emotion for the older man. "I... sometimes wished you're my father instead."

Ron's facade slips a bit, eyes widened in surprise. He sees the soft gaze your eyes held and the way they glistened. He was tempted to shut you down, to tell you he wasn't a good father to girls, that you're both too different to have such a relationship like that, but what came out of his mouth made even his heart hurts:

"She would have loved you."

"You think so?" You asked in a gentle voice, almost frail. You were always weak when it comes to being loved by older women.

Ron just stared at you for a moment, thinking of his wife and how she would have coddled you all the time, how Beacrox maybe would grow up a little different had he had you as his sister. Instead of thinking too much on it, Ron finally signalled Beacrox to start moving the carriage.

The sound of a whip was heard and the carriage began to move towards the gates. You stuck your head out the window, waving to Ron who was standing still and watching your carriage slowly get smaller.

The words was at the tip of your tongue and you fought the urge to say it loudly, scared of the reaction you'll get — but fuck, you're leaving and you don't know when you're going to meet everyone again, so fuck it—

"I'll see you soon, Ron!"

Ron's eyes widened slightly upon hearing your words, seeing you wave your hand at him with a wide smile on your face. He lets out a sigh of defeat, an eyebrow raised and he tries his best to fight the urge to smile.

You're promising to be back. He doesn't know when that day will come but he hopes you return ready to love properly and wholeheartedly without being afraid of the feeling.

Ron recalls the wide smile on your face as the carriage began to get smaller and eventually gone from his line of sight. He looks up at the sky and remembers his wife's face, "It seems we have a daughter now."

It didn't take long for you to arrive at the port, considering the carriage was running through the empty streets. Beacrox helped you with your luggage while you look around the port for the ship that you know was going to head furthest from the Western continent.

"I still don't understand why you want to leave," said Beacrox after a few moments of silence while walking to find the ship.

"It's hard to say," you say, taking a turn to walk down the docks after spotting the ship you're planning to board. 

"I'm sure our sibling bond can help me understand."

Your face flushed red and you smacked Beacrox's arm, realizing he had heard your conversation with Ron. "Shut up."

Beacrox stayed quiet, so tempted to roll his eyes. You looked out at the night sea, the sky so bright with the full moon and the stars that litters the skies. You let out a sigh, the cold night breeze blowing on your neck.

"Thank you, for helping me, Beacrox," you say, turning to the taller man. "I'm sorry we have to part ways like this so suddenly."

"The others have it worse," he replied, indirectly telling you that he was lucky he managed to get a proper goodbye with you. "Be safe."

You smiled. "I will. Be careful on your way back."

Beacrox nodded before he set your luggage down beside your feet. He turned around and got off the ship, standing by the docks as he watched the crew got busy to prepare for the sail. He sees you leaning to the railings of the ship, eyes closed and enjoying the night breeze.

You looked at peace and Beacrox thought how you leaving was probably for the best. No one would leave a place they had placed their hearts on so easily so the fact that you were strong enough to pack your bags and go proved that it was needed.

He watched until the ship finally sailed away from the docks and into the open sea. He stayed until the ship disappears into the line where the horizon meets the sea, turning around and going back to the estate, knowing in mere hours, your name will be a sensitive topic in the estate.

'Now what?'

It dawned on you when you were staring at the dark, open sea that you just left a place of solitude because of the voices in your head. You went up and left with no actual plan, depending everything on the voices.

You're so fucking stupid.

No, crazy. 

Yes, maybe that. Maybe this is a sign of psychosis.

"Calm down."

You freeze, the voice you have heard several times in the past few weeks have become more clear than before. It sounded like someone directly whispering in your ear and you stared at the horizon in a daze.

"I will lead you to where your answer lies," he promised you, voice reassuring. "All you have to do is go with the flow."

Now that the voice have became more clear, you could have sworn you have heard this voice before. It was at the tip of your tongue and all you could do was listen. Their voice, tone, and the drag of certain syllables reminds you of someone from your distant past.

"For now, sleep by the deck. Lean your body by the ship rail and let the winds carry you."

You turned around, leaning to the railing and sliding down. You sat down on the floorboards of the ship and almost comically, the cold wind began to blow. You tightened your coat around you, pulling up your scarf to hide your lower face, hoping it'll give you some warmth.

When you close your eyes, you dream of smiling pale lips, red hair popping up under white covers on the bed, meows of kittens, and the flaps of wings. You began to regret leaving such a peaceful place to look for yourself. What if some things are meant to be undisclosed? What if you had just lived your whole life with your new family while being ignorant to everything?

Would it be so bad to be ignorant just once?

What step is the right step?

Would things be easier if you know the right step to take? Is there even a right step to take?

"There are," reminded the voice in the midst of your dream of cast meadows and laughter of the kids. "Do not be afraid. You have me to lead you."

You stared at the Cale that stood right in front of you, his white button-down flowing with the wind and the gentle gaze he gave you with his brown eyes made you frown. It is painful how your brain could conjure such a clear picture of him when you're asleep and already missing him.

"If you stayed with him, you would only stay in your place,"  said the voice, as if they were with you right now and witnessing your dream. The grass beneath your feet began to shake and they grow in length, swirling around your ankles and wrists to hold you in place. "You would never grow. You would eventually hinder all of the others' development."

In a way, it was true. Your knowledge of the future have multiple times make things easier for Cale and the others and it always bothered you whether these people were getting the character development needed for them to progress further into the story.

"That's right," purred the voice, now sounding much closer. 

The figure of Cale in front of you became further and more translucent.

"They are just fiction. But you, you are real."

Your heart dropped.

"W-what?" You stuttered, blinking out of your haze. "What are you—?"

You feel a hand holding your shoulder from behind you.

"[Name], they're just books. There was no need to get emotional."

This wasn't the first time you have heard of this phrase and you immediately figured out why this disembodied voice sounded so familiar. You turned around to face this person but were immediately knocked out of your dream.

You jolted awake, breathing ragged and heart pounding against your ribs. You looked around the ship, realizing everyone was running around the deck. You feel the harsh drops of the rain on your face and came to realize you were soaked to the bone.

You slept through the storm? How?

Gathering the strength to your cramped legs, you stood up. The ship was shaking from the waves, the wind do strong that you're pretty sure you were going to get blown away, and the rain was making it hard for you to open your eyes.

The cold sting and you grabbed onto the ship rail to keep yourself steady. Before you could walk, a ship crewmate grabbed you by the arm. "Miss [Name]!"

You turned to look at the man, noting that he looked like he was in his early adulthood, though definitely younger than you. He talked to you with an anxious expression, "There is a leak in the ship. You must board the safety boat."

"What?" You asked, bewildered as you watch him take your suitcase. "What caused the leak?"

"We couldn't figure it out, Ma'am. Water filled up the lower deck so quickly we didn't have much time to check what caused it," he answered you, voice trembling from the cold rain.

'Shit,' you thought. 'What's going on? I thought this was the right ship to board.'

The ship suddenly tilted and you heart skips a beat when you nearly started sliding down the floorboards, the young crewmate holding onto you. Your eyes widened when you saw how much of the ship is submerged underwater. 'How long have I been sleeping?! I slept through all this chaos?'

"Shit," mumbled the young man, staring at the safety boat a little bit further from the ship, being carried away from the chaos by the waves. It's almost as if the ocean's only objective today was to drown the ship.

You pry yourself away from the man's arms, trying to look at the dark clouds upon you with a frown. What is happening? How long have you been asleep? How far are you from the continent?

The ship jolted, being suddenly pulled into the water with a force that's unfamiliar by those who have known the waters like the back of their hands. The ship's crewmates looks at each other with bewilderment, trying to reason what exactly could be pulling this ship down.

There was an echoing creak underneath your feet and the loud sound of things breaking. You feel the floorboards beneath you swell before they eventually snap. You turn around just in time and reach out for the young crewmate and he was quick enough to grab your arm as you began descending along with the broken half of the ship.

"A-ahh!" He screamed out, holding you with one arm while the other grips at the railing. He could feel his body slowly sliding towards you and splinters tearing at his skin and sinking as deep as they could go when he gripped at the railing. "M-Miss [Name]!"

You held onto hid arms for dear life. Your legs dangling made your heart pound and you refuse to look down. You hear the broke half of the ship finally splash onto the ocean water and shivered at how high you must be from the water surface.

If you fall into the water at this height, you'll burn from the impact.

"Help!" The young man yelled out desperately, face red as he tried to pull you up but the slippery floorboards were preventing him from gaining any real traction. "H-help us!"

The remaining half of the ship is now nearly upright and you paled when you see the young man's bone shifted forcefully under his skin. He let out a bone-chilling scream when it happened and your whole body goes limp at the realization of what just happened to his arm.

You released your grip on his arm and you didn't think he could let out another pained scream, worse than before. "M-Miss—!"

He sounded panicked when he feels you began wiggling your arm out of his grip. "N-no, no! Miss [Name], please, no!"

Your heart pounds in your chest as you slowly began being pulled down by gravity, your arm slipping through his grip slowly. Tears spilled from your eyes, blending with the rain and your breathing became ragged, knowing if you fall, you'd most likely drown.

"Akh—" You forced down the sob that was about to spill from your throat. Nothing fills your head but the images of home, one invaded with red hair, sweets, and lazy afternoon naps.

"C-Cale—" you managed to sobbed out. "I-I'm sorry."

Relief floods your whole system when the young crewmate could no longer hold you up, your wrist slipping through his hand easily. The air was sucked out of your lungs as you fall, watching the young man begin to get smaller and smaller.

When your back hits the surface tension of the ocean, the last thing on your mind was how you wished Cale and the others wouldn't miss you too much.

[oh-miniso]

WHITE, GOLD & BLUE || TRIGUN STAMPEDE

PAIRING: VASH X MERYL

°☆° warning: interchaning use of names - Vash & Eriks, characters may seem occ, slight angst, not proofread

⚠ do not copy, edit or repost in any other platform

hearts & reblogs are appreciated <3

When Meryl found Vash in a dingy small town, he was unrecognizable with long unkempt hair hiding his face and hollow eyes and no sign of his usual 1000 watts smile or his signature prosthetic and red coat. This man was Vash yet at the same time he wasn't. Lina told her the man was called Eirks.

But it wasn't just Vash who has changed. Meryl was worlds away from her self before JuLai. She no longer donned her white ensemble with blue beret and gold earrings. Now 2 years later, she was all dull and camouflage tones, replacing her precious gold earrings with thin silver ones. Meryl was no longer the young, wild blood chasing after the Humanoid Typhoon but a survivor and fighter - Derringer Meryl.

The first time Vash or rather Eriks saw her in the pub, he felt something was wrong with her person though he couldn't figure out what or why. Lina told him the woman was a journalist working for the Bernardelli News Agency. Try as he might Eriks was unable to tear his eyes away from her form, still searching for faults he couldn't find but subconsciously knew were there. It was only when Lina called him away for lunch that Eriks unwillingly removed his eyes from Meryl's form.

The next time Eriks saw her was during the night - Meryl was sitting in the far corner scribbling furiously in a notebook with a drink on the table. The scene was achingly familiar. Vash remembered white clothes and a blue beret. The face of the owner of the clothes was blurry but the memory brought a small wave of melancholy. He felt he had forgotten someone dear to him.

The next few days Eriks kept observing Meryl from his spot in the pub as she went about her day. He noticed a few things about her:

She was small but ferocious with a determined gaze He wondered what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of her gaze

She kept her notebook on her person at all times and would flip through the pages frequently

She carried around a derringer as if it was an old friend

Whenever she caught him staring, a forlorn smile would grace her face and she'd look away

Dull or nude colours weren't her colors at all

Colors

Colors

Dull colors!

That was what was wrong. Those damn colors were setting him off.

With a flame of irritation burning hot, Vash dragged a stunned Merly away to his room, calling for Lina in the process.

"Lina Lina! Bring me my whitest shirt immediately! And my earring. And a blue handkerchief too."

These dull clothes would have to go.

Right now!

Turning to Meryl while frantically pawing at her clothes he told her, "Ms. Stryfe please stop squirming. I'm irritated enough as it is." This made Meryl squirm even more. "Who the hell tries to strip someone and expects them to take it peacefully?" shouted Meryl though it was ignored by a determined Vash.

The moment Vash heard Lina outside his room, the ripped the door off and snatched the clothes rather rudely Lina thought and resumed his mission of getting Meryl out of her clothes and into the white shirt. Off came those silver earrings next to be replaced with his single golden hoop. He regretted not having any blue hat so he made do with a headscarf of sorts as well as he could with one hand.

With the ensemble finally complete, Vash calmed down and stood beside Lina to appraise his work on a flabbergasted Meryl.

"Yes. White, gold and blue. These are your colors. Not those damned dull ones. Please never wear them again. I beg you. I don't remember you yet but I beg you. Please!" His voice cracked at the end and he rushed to envelop Meryl in a tight embrace - a silent promise to not let go.

Meryl Stryfe was White - Innocence & Simplicity.

Meryl Stryfe was Gold - Compassion & Courage.

Meryl Stryfe was Blue - Stability & Trust.

Meryl Stryfe was Vash the Stampede's Home.

[givemea-dam-break]

because of her (locklyle)

a/n: i promise part 2 for that funny feeling is coming out soon by @portlandrowismyhome inspired this and i needed to get it out of my system before i imploded. hope you enjoy my loves <3

warnings: big sad - LISTEN THIS TIME GUYS, spoilers for the end of the hollow boy taglist: @neewtmas @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @waitingforthesunrise @aayeroace @introvertedbookwormsstuff @toburnmykruge

Lucy Carlyle was in dire need of a new pen.

She'd nicked this one from the Fittes furnaces during a source drop-off a month or two ago after the last one ran out, but already it was at its unfortunate end. She scribbled and scribbled but nothing would come out except pathetic little scratches of faded black ink.

Angrily, she tossed the pen away, narrowly missing her overflowing bin. She really needed to take that out soon.

"What's got you in a toss?"

She scowled. "None of your business."

The skull in her silverglass jar remained stuck to the bottom, but the glowing spectral green light formed a horrific face with bulging, curious eyes. She couldn't be fussed with Skull today, and, really, she should've closed the latch on the top of his jar, but it felt like she was rooted to her bed, and he was too far away to just twist it shut.

"Of course it is! We're Skull and Co, remember? Skull and Lucy!"

"We're not anything," she insisted.

"Still hung up on Lockwood, then. Nothing's changed. But why would you still be so sad about him when I'm right here, offering you the best company you could ever hope for?"

"I'm not hung up on Lockwood," Lucy said.

But she was.

She missed Portland Row with every fibre of her being and she longed to go back, but she couldn't. Not after last November, after what the Fetch had told her. She couldn't risk Lockwood's life simply because she missed him.

And, oh, how she missed him.

She looked down at the notebook in her lap, at the scrawling handwriting littering so many of the pages. Every page held something she wanted to tell him, words that would never leave the lined paper and cross into the world of spoken words. She wrote of the things she would so excitedly tell him and George after running errands, or something funny she found in the newspaper. Now... well, she didn't live with them anymore. There was only a mouldy old skull and Lucy, now.

The first entry had been the worst. It had been the morning after one of her first cases as an independent agent, hired for a job by Rotwell's, and she'd been heading out to grab some food. On her way, she'd bought the latest newspaper to give her something to do instead of wallowing in her sadness, because sometimes they had those little crossword puzzles in them. And right there, front and centre was the stupidest picture of Quill Kipps she had ever seen! He was captured mid-sentence, mouth wide open and eyes squinting, his hip jutting out to the side and looking like an idiot. She had rushed home as quickly as she could after getting her food, excited to show Lockwood the picture she knew he would find hilarious and -

He wasn't there. He never would be. For this was her flat, not 35 Portland Row, and there was Skull leering at her.

Holly would've picked up a newspaper on her way to Portland Row, Lucy realised, and she would be the one to show Lockwood.

It left a horrible bitterness in her mouth, and she couldn't shut her front door quick enough. But, all day, the thought ran amock through her head. She needed to write it down, get it out.

And so she did. For months. The notebook was almost full of her ramblings and little newspaper clippings. Sometimes, she cut up the magazines she would accidentally buy for him, sticking in a segment with the kind of gossip he would find particularly interesting and writing her little notes at the side. Other times, she'd read them before ripping them apart in a fit of rage mixed with regret. The worst ones were the ones with his face in them, but she never ripped those. Ever.

She often wondered if he did the same for her. If there were things he saw that reminded him of her, things so profound that he had to write them down to simply get it out of his mind for a moment. It was unlikely. After how things had ended, what with him storming off and leaving her at that café, and her early morning disappearance while they all slept, she couldn't imagine he would think of her often. If anything, it was entirely likely that he was forgetting about her. The recent newspapers were an indication of that.

The pain was worth it, or so she tried to convince herself. No amount of missing Portland Row or its inhabitants was worth his life.

"Ha! That's a sour face if I've ever seen one."

She turned angrily to look at Skull. "What are you jabbering on about now, you horrid thing?"

Skull's face morphed into something grotesque. "Horrid thing, eh? And here I was thinking we were finally getting along."

"You're a skull!" she cried.

"And you're a pathetic, lovesick girl who can't keep her flat clean for the life of her!"

"Oh, if you weren't a ghost I would strangle you."

"You could damn well try. You and I are the same, you forget! Both lonely, both with only one person to truly understand us. You're alone; you need me."

And though she hated to admit it, she did. What would she do without Skull's incessant jibes? It would give her far too much time to dwell on her decision, and she was already doing enough of that.

She looked down at today's entry, fingers skimming over the shape of his name as if it were his face. Each loop a curve of his cheek or chin, every line the shape of his nose. Saw a rapier in the corner bit with agency equipment, it looked like something Lockwood would buy. All fancy and bejewelled. Pretentious prick.

If she closed her eyes, she could imagine he was there with her. She could hear his laugh at something George had said, feel his very presence so strongly it was as if he was really there next to her, reading the entries in the notebook. He'd be correcting the grammar mistakes in his annoyingly pretty handwriting.

You've gone soft, he'd say. Where are the insults? You used to mock me.

No, she thought. No, she thought the world of him. He may have a far-too-high opinion of himself. He may be reckless and infuriating and so damned secretive, but, god, he was so much more than that. He was the boy who gave her a home, who would make her tea in the morning and hand her a plate of biscuits when she was in a bad mood. He was the first person she felt truly appreciated by for something other than her Talents. Lucy would give him everything if he so much as asked for it.

But she couldn't go home.

That was the one thing she could never give him. Her. Because she would be the thing that killed him, the reason for his recklessness. She couldn't live with herself if he died for her.

"Oh, stop moping! You've got things to do!"

Lucy was sick of Skull. She flung the notebook aside and stormed over to the kitchen counter, which was all but five steps away, and twisted the latch at the top of the silverglass jar. Skull was still speaking, more angrily now, and she could imagine the obscene things he was saying to her, but she didn't care. She needed the quiet.

She could do this. She could live on her own, making her own money. She'd be able to forget about Lockwood and his warm, bronze-and-copper eyes; Lockwood and his charming smile that sent butterflies down into her stomach; Lockwood and his affirmations and brief touches and...

"Shut up!" she told herself.

If he were here, Lockwood would tell her to cheer up, to not think about things too hard. He'd make her a brew, hand her the Digestives, and give her complete control of the TV remote, much to George's dismay. He'd flash that wonderful grin of his, tell her that she was Lucy Carlyle and had nothing to worry about, not as long as they were together. They were a team after all.

Were.

Because they never would be again.

Because of her.

Because of Lucy.

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 13

Chapter 13: With Friends Like These

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 5,136

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Read on AO3

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Summary: The guys and gals split up for the day. While the ladies take care of the duergar problem, the guys have some bonding time around the fire. And there may just be an exciting new addition to their camp. Part 13 of the slow burn fic. Halsin and Tav POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries.

A/N: Girls night vs. guys night. More campfire fluff before moving on to more Tav'ahria backstory in the next chapter!! I hope you're all feeling the burn like I am. Thanks for all the kind comments so far! They really do keep me motivated to continue writing <3

See also: Gale and Halsin are massive nerds

Tav and her companions had spent days exploring the Underdark. The winding pathways and lack of light made it difficult to navigate and map out.

Between the deadly arcane tower they explored and the Kua-Toa ritual they stumbled upon, not to mention those damned hooked creatures they kept running into, they were getting a little sick of the dangerous environment down here. A pleasant surprise was finding a peaceful mind flayer among the myconids, even if it did agitate the tadpole. It had taken all of them to hold Lae’zel back from killing Omeluum then and there.

But today, they had finally found and removed the duergar that had been terrorizing the myconid colony. Once Tav and the others snuffed out their ambush, they didn’t put up much of a fight.

“See? We just needed a good ol’ girl’s day out, no boys allowed. Isn’t this nice?” Karlach asked as she ripped her sword out of the chest of one of the bodies.

“I must admit, I was uncertain about this ‘girl’s night’, but this was enjoyable, yes.” Lae’zel rolled her shoulders, stretching her arms after the fight. “Is this a common bonding practice for women in Faerûn?”

“Something like this, yeah.” Tav chuckled as she plucked a few arrows from the corpses strewn about.

“Yes, but did the wolf have to come along?” Shadowheart was still wary of Lunari, even after all their time together.

“Lunari’s a girl too, of course she gets to come! Besides, what better way to get over your fears than to spend time with this sweet pup?” Karlach bent over to coo at the wolf, careful not to touch her though. Lunari’s entire body wiggled in response.

Tav continued going between bodies, looking for any useful materials. Near one of the dead duergar, she found a logbook.

The writing was faded and difficult to read, but she could make out the list of gems and valuable materials that had been mined from a nearby fortress. As she turned the pages, she found more lists. Not gems or valuables. The title of one of the pages read “Stock”, but contained descriptions of…people? 

Deep gnome, female, young, white hair, missing one eye. Serving duty.

Deep gnome, male, bald, timid. Mining duty.

Slaves…

She did a quick scan through the rest of the book, trying to find any detail about their mining operation. On one of the last pages, she saw a symbol that caused her blood to run cold.

A small black hand had been scribbled into the corner.

Tav’s throat felt like it would swell shut. Suddenly aware of how cold the area was around her, she shivered as she fought the tears stinging her eyes. Images of her father and Noravi flashed into her mind. 

A black hand on a gold cufflink.

“Hey, soldier…you alright?” Karlach came up to her side and Tav showed her the book.

“Slavers…” She could only manage one word.

“Gods above, there’s so many listed in here.” The disgust in Karlach’s voice rivaled Tav’s.

Tav pointed to the large boat bobbing in the water next to the dock.

“I’ll bet that’s the way to the ruins the gnome told us about. Probably where these assholes are holed up.”

“Ugh, I don’t know that I’d want to go for a sail across those waters.” Karlach grimaced as she looked over the uncannily still lake.

“Something tells me that’s where we’ll be heading next.” Tav said with a sigh. She saw that multiple bodies on the beach were adorned with the symbol of the Absolute. “Come on, let’s go tell the sovereign that we’ve cleared them out.”

This time they only made one wrong turn on the way back to the myconid colony – a personal best for their group – and luckily nothing dangerous came with that small detour.

The closer they drew to the myconid colony, the louder the eerie melody they used to communicate sang in their minds. Tav made her way to the top of the overlook where Sovereign Spaw resided.

The humming tune radiating from the myconid was a warm welcome, at least as far as she could tell. She conjured an image in her mind to share with it – the duergar lying dead at her feet.

“The duergar are slain; the rot has been purged.” She gave the sovereign a slight bow of her head.

The musical voice that graced her thoughts danced with a newfound hope.

“Freely you have given to us, freely you may take.” An image of parting vines glided into her mind’s eye.

“The guardian gate is open. Go and claim your reward.” It gestured behind her. “But before this, I have another boon to ask of you. You have cut out the blight, but not its source.”

Another vision played vividly in her mind. A drow dressed in Absolute garb, strolling among myconid corpses. Proud and unphased by the carnage surrounding him.

“Nere, this one is called. He hunted us – hunt him in turn. Bring me his head, and I will know my Circle is safe.” The melodic plea had taken on a more aggressive tone.

“Consider it done. I will bring you Nere’s head.” These slavers needed to be dealt with, one way or another.

“The drow lurks in the ruins beyond the lake. Bring him death, and return.” The words slowly faded into the melody floating through the colony.

Tav spun on her heels with a curt nod. She stopped to speak with the gnome she had helped a few days back.

“I wanted you to know that I’ve killed the duergar who were hunting you.” She knelt down next to Thulla.

“I’m almost sorry to hear it, I’d hoped to have the pleasure myself.” She scoffed, causing another wince of pain. Whatever poison had been used was still affecting her.

“Can you tell me who was in charge of the duergar that captured you?” She kept her voice low so the others wouldn’t hear her.

“Just those Absolute nut jobs. Can’t go five seconds without hearing that name over there.”

“Yes, but was there anyone else? Any mentions of slavers outside of the Absolute?” Tav was anxious and her tone reflected it.

“Sorry, no. They were awful tight lipped around us. Only thing I heard besides the Absolute was about sending word to some lord in Baldur’s Gate. They didn’t use a name though.” Thulla shrugged.

Fuck.

Tav took a deep breath in a desperate attempt to maintain her composure. She couldn’t tell the others why this slave ring had her so upset. She wasn’t ready for them to know who she really was.

“Thank you, Thulla. I promise you, we’ll get across the lake and save your friends.” Tav gave her a quick pat on the shoulder before rejoining her companions.

“That’s a big promise, Tav.” Shadowheart stood with her arms crossed.

“We have to go across the lake anyway. Are you telling me you’d rather leave her people enslaved?” Tav folded her arms across her chest to match Shadowheart’s stance.

“Sometimes difficult choices must be made. First and foremost, we need to find a way to Moonrise. I’m simply suggesting that we shouldn’t make promises we aren’t sure we can keep.”

“And based on the Absolute insignias I saw littered on that beach, we’ll be well on our way if we cross that lake.” Tav’s tone rose with her anger. “And believe me when I say I do not make that promise lightly.”

“I reckon we can do both, friends.” Karlach came to stand in between their feud. “Take out some more Absolute cultists which should free the gnomes, then we’ll explore the area to see if we can’t find a way to Moonrise Towers.” Though flames raged from Karlach’s skin, her words helped to cool the rising tempers between Tav and Shadowheart.

“Fine.” Shadowheart turned her nose up at Tav.

Bloody Sharrans.

They decided it would be best to come back to camp and rest before trying to make their way across the lake. No one knew what would be waiting for them, and they didn’t want to push their luck. Plus, they needed a chance to catch the guys up on what they found. For the short walk back to camp, Tav was consumed by the thought of the slavers. Terrified that their source would be revealed, and her past along with it.

***

Halsin, Astarion, Gale, and Wyll sat around the fire in awkward silence. When they were getting ready to leave this morning, Karlach insisted on having a “girls’ day out.” Tav had told him it would be a good way for him to bond with the other guys a bit more too.

Bond…you can bond with new friends, can’t you?

“So, Halsin…” Wyll started. “Is it…fun turning into a bear?”

“Um, yes. I mean, I enjoy it. There’s something comforting about walking through the forest among nature disguised as one of its inhabitants. It makes me feel more of a sense of belonging.”

“Not to mention you could rip a man’s throat out with your teeth, and what could be better than that?” Astarion was throwing his daggers into a small stump next to him repeatedly.

“Not my first choice, but yes, I suppose that is an option.” Halsin snorted as he rubbed Scratch’s belly.

“You know, I consider myself adept at most forms of magic, but druidic craft has always eluded me.” Gale looked up from his book. “How did you find yourself so proficient?”

Halsin hesitated. He wasn’t sure he was ready to explain Thaniel to them yet. Or the hours and hours he spent gathering favor with Silvanus himself.

“Well, after three hundred and fifty years, anyone can become a master of their craft. You’re already a talented wizard, Gale, imagine what you would accomplish if your lifespan increased by a few centuries.”

“That’s a good point. You elves do get an unfair advantage in that regard.”

“Trust me, darling. We pay for it in other ways.” Astarion grumbled from across the fire as he yanked a dagger from the wooden stump again.

That we do.

“Is it painful?” Wyll asked.

“Is what painful?”

“The transformation. I mean, you adopt a completely new anatomy every time you wild shape. Surely that must be at least a little uncomfortable.” Wyll’s eyes shone with curiosity.

“Well, the mechanics of wild shape vary greatly between druids. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the vast library of tiny details that make it up.” Halsin averted his gaze to the ground.

As much as he enjoyed sharing his knowledge of the ways of druids, he found not many actually wanted to listen to his expertise. They wanted grand stories of ferocious fights between beasts or demonstrations of their abilities. No one wanted to hear him ramble about the beauty of balance that could be found in nature. They couldn’t care less about how he described the difference between shifting to a bear compared to shifting into a raven. No one wanted to discuss the intricacies of utilizing magic by manipulating the Weave itself versus drawing on the power of nature around them. Even the druids of the grove would start to nod off when he began long winded speeches about their ways.

“It would be anything but! As I said, this is one area of magic that remains mostly a mystery to me. I’d much appreciate the chance to hear about it firsthand from someone of your skill.” Gale set aside the book he had been reading to give Halsin his full attention.

“That’s quite a broad subject. I don’t even know where to begin…” He fidgeted with his clothing as he racked his brain for something to share.

“Maybe just start by describing how it feels to you.” Wyll suggested. Even Astarion’s eyes flickered toward him for a moment, a quick look of interest betraying his indifferent aura.

“Well, let’s see…” Halsin took a deep breath and concentrated on the last time he had wild shaped into a bear. He closed his eyes as the familiar memory brought a small wave of comfort.

“It’s not painful, per se. There is a brief feeling of discomfort, like a limb stretched too far. It’s an itch that you can’t possibly keep yourself from scratching. And once it’s done, a fresh feeling of relief washes over you as you reveal the new form.

“But just before I look out of new eyes, familiar yet different, there’s a moment where I swear I can feel Silvanus himself standing next to me. It lasts only a fraction of a second, yet it gives me a blissful, but fleeting, feeling of safety. Of peace. There’s a balance and harmony I can only feel when I’m in wild shape. It provides me the opportunity to experience the world around me as nature intended.”

When he opened his teary eyes, Wyll and Gale were leaning forward with their arms resting on their knees. Gale’s eyes were alight with his eagerness for knowledge, Wyll had a wistful smile on his face. Astarion kept himself facing away from them, but he noticed that he had stopped throwing his daggers.

“And?” Gale prodded, his voice an enthusiastic whisper.

“And…whenever I return to this form, I feel a different connection to the Weave around me – as if Silvanus builds it anew with each transformation.”

“Fascinating!” Gale clapped his hands a couple of times. “Spending time in your animal forms actually strengthens your ability to call on the Weave?”

“In a way, yes. Of course, unlike you, I cannot manipulate it directly. That power flows through nature, through Silvanus.” Halsin found himself leaning forward as well to converse with them, his hands gesturing excitedly as he spoke. “But as I said, it’s different for all. Many druids I know only use wild shape when absolutely necessary. Instead, they rely solely on their meditations and work to strengthen their abilities in that manner.”

“Of course! Study habits are always bound to differ. Now, what about…”

He continued fielding questions and theories from Gale for hours. His insatiable desire for knowledge brought a smile to Halsin’s face, as eager to learn as he was to share. Every now and then Wyll would chime in with an inquiry or a joke. Astarion continued to project indifference, but the little twitches in his ears betrayed him as he listened to their conversation.

“Thank you, my friend. This has been most enlightening.” Gale made a few more scribbles into a notebook before turning back to beam at Halsin. “I wonder if I might make one last request?”

“Of course.”

“Would you mind casting a spell for me? Nothing complicated, I’d just like to see if I can feel the difference in the Weave around us as you do it.”

“I suppose I can manage that.” Halsin said with a laugh. “Let’s see here…” He cast a quick and familiar spell that caused a small glowing orb to appear in his hand. With a quick whoosh, the glow materialized into a small goodberry.

“Yes!” Gale let out a delighted yell. “I could feel the same pull on the threads around me as I do when I cast a conjuration spell. Yet when yours came to its fruition, I didn’t feel the familiar plucking of one those threads, more of a low hum that vibrated throughout many.”

“Glad to be of help.” He laughed as he popped the little berry into his mouth.

“Oh Gale, so easily entertained.” Astarion giggled. “Let me know when he conjures up a real feast, rather than one measly berry.”

“Considering your diet, Astarion, I do believe it could be against many magical codes of ethics to do so.” Gale continued scribbling in his notebook.

“Yes, why waste spells for that when you already have a feast right here with the three of us?” Halsin added with a chuckle.

“Hey now, don’t be offering my neck up for dinner.” Wyll laughed along with him.

“No?” Astarion had a slight pout on his lips as he turned to face Wyll. “Perhaps a wrist then?”

As the other three continued their regular banter around him, Halsin had a distant, familiar feeling creep over him. Camaraderie. Friendship. It had been so long since anyone listened to him ramble with such rapt attention. He didn’t realize how he had craved sharing his thoughts on the intricate balance of magic and nature. And to have someone who not only listened, but actively engaged in a discussion? He thought this would be the highlight of his day for sure.

Until of course footsteps pulled their attention away from their discussion of magic and vampiric diets.

Halsin once again found a grin coming across his face as Tav made her way back into the camp, the expression had become a reflex of late. When her tired eyes looked up to find his, he could have sworn they shined just a tad brighter. Not a moment later, a smile broke through her exhausted exterior. Each day he spent in her presence caused the pull in his chest to tug him a little closer to her. Their mornings were spent in one another’s company by the fire or by the glowing pond he had found. The comfort he felt spending time with her kept the darkness in his mind at bay.

It had been so long since anyone was comfortable enough to reach out to him as well. She would always be ready to give him a hug or lean her head on his shoulder, the friendly touches satisfying part of the hunger for companionship he had craved for years.

“Welcome back, my friend.” He stood up to greet her as she reached the fireside and placed one arm around her shoulders, letting his hand rest on the opposite arm from him.

“Thanks, love.” She returned the gesture with a welcoming arm around his waist.

Thanks, love.

It’s how she referred to all of her friends, but something about hearing the word “love” to describe him caused another skipped heartbeat.

“Why don’t any of us get hugs when we get back to camp?” Astarion crossed his arms with one hip cocked out to the side.

“My apologies, would you also like a hug, Astarion?” He removed his arm from Tav’s shoulder and held both out to their cheeky friend.

“Ugh, no. Just making sure you understood the favoritism at play, darling.” Astarion waved him off.

“That’s okay, I’ll take his instead.” Tav’s arm had already made its way back around his back, hugging herself to his side. It could have been his imagination, but he thought she hugged him just a little tighter today.

He chuckled in response, trying to hide the pure delight threatening to take over him. “So, how was your girl’s day?”

“Fucking spectacular!” Karlach bounded up to join the conversation. “We found the duergar, Lae’zel cut a guy in half, discovered an underground slave ring in need of busting, got a new job to kill a drow, Tav found a book about mating rituals, and a shiny icicle thing.”

“…Mating rituals?” Halsin smirked as Tav rolled her eyes.

“Here. The title says ‘Flumph Mating Rituals,’ but it seems…off somehow? I think it might be an illusion, but I can’t seem to dispel it.” She grabbed the dusty book out of her pack.

“Illusion, you say?” Gale popped out from behind Halsin causing him to jump.

“By all means.” He handed the book over to the eager wizard.

Gale made a tutting sound with his tongue as he investigated it. He ran his fingers along the spine and cover before opening it and taking a deep breath to inhale the smell of the book. After thumbing through a few pages, he briefly licked one of them. Tav’s face scrunched up into concerned disgust.

“Ah, yes. It appears to be a simple disguising charm. Just a quick little scatter of the magic here…” He swirled his fingers around the spine of the book and Halsin saw the blue, misty magic float away and dissipate into the air around them.

“Did…did you have to lick it?” Tav’s eyebrows were still furrowed as she took it back from him. She pinched the book between two fingers, letting it dangle in front of her.

Gale shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Oh, by the way…” Tav turned to dig a small, shiny piece of twisted metal out of her bag. She juggled it between her hands before giving it to Gale. Even from where he was standing Halsin could feel the icy energy radiating from it. “Found this on another dead drow. Might be your missing piece.”

“Yes! This has to fit with the others we found. Oh, yes, most promising. I do believe I can piece these together to form a new staff. If anyone needs me, I’ll be fiddling with this in my tent.”

“Ew, Gale don’t announce that to everyone.” Karlach stuck her tongue out with a small shake of her head. Tav let out a loud cackle, almost dropping the book.

“What? That’s not…I…argh, I’m surrounded by children. As I said, I’ll be in my tent.” Gale grumbled as he stormed off to his tent with a huff.

“Best not to interrupt a wizard when he fiddles with his staff.” Halsin smirked. Before he could be embarrassed by his joke, Tav and Karlach burst into a fit of laughter. The sight brought another warm feeling to his chest.

“Where’s this funny bear been the whole time?” Karlach wiped stray tears from her eyes as she regained her composure.

“He’s always been funny, just too shy about it.” Tav nudged him in the arm as she started reading through the revealed pages.

She thinks I’m funny?

“Huh, another mention of the adamantine forge. This journal confirms that it was Sharran in design.” As she continued skimming, Halsin caught a few diagrams among the words.

“Isn’t that what that petrified drow was rambling about the first time we were down here?” Shadowheart had wandered closer to their conversation.

“Not just the location, this journal is detailing how to actually operate the forge.” Tav’s eyes flitted back and forth rapidly as she scanned the page. “It mentions a guardian as well.”

“I heard rumors long ago that adamantine was among the finest metal to craft weapons and armor.” Halsin held his hands out to request the book. “I am surprised to learn that a forge of this magnitude would reside in a Sharran fortress.”

“We should seek it out when we cross the lake. If this journal is to be believed, we could craft some rather useful equipment, no?”

Halsin bristled at Shadowheart’s suggestion. No matter how useful the armor, he couldn’t think of a scenario where he would be tempted to utilize Sharran technology. Or maybe he was simply disagreeing with her for disagreements sake.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt. We’re not exactly in the position to turn down the help.” Tav’s words were polite, but her clenched jaw told a different story. He slammed the book closed with a little more force than necessary.

“Let’s gather everyone around. We have a lot to discuss from today.” Tav began pulling at the straps on her armor as she stalked off toward her tent. Halsin briefly considered offering to help with them but figured it would be best to avoid that temptation today.

Once everyone had changed into more comfortable attire, they gathered around the fire for their meal as Tav filled them in on their excursion of the day.

“So based on what we found on the duergar, and the request from Spaw, our next step is taking that boat across the lake.” Tav was fidgeting with the small wooden fork she had used for her dinner as she spoke. Halsin could just barely perceive a nervous edge to her voice. Whether it was nerves about the journey across the lake or something else, he could not say.

“It sounds like this could be the fortress I’ve been looking for, the one that will lead us to Moonrise.” Halsin couldn’t contain his eagerness. This was it; he was sure of it.

“Yes. Yes, I think you may be right.” Tav gave him a light smile.

Something’s wrong…

“There’s something else…” She trailed off for a moment. “The cultists there have gnome slaves that were captured nearby. We need to make sure they’re released as well.”

“It wouldn’t do to let them stay in such a state,” Wyll spoke up immediately. “Do you know where they’re being held?”

“Not yet. I have a feeling if we find the drow, we’ll find the slaves.” She started tugging at the end of her braid.

“Then I’m sure we can take the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, if you will,” Gale chimed in next. “If we remove the cultists, it should be easy enough to get the slaves out of there as well.”

He expected Tav to relax with Gale’s suggestion. Instead, her nostrils flared and her breathing quickened.

“Yes, it will be plenty easy to free the gnomes once we’ve killed every slaver in sight.” Tav’s bitter threat startled Halsin, the disdain dripping from her voice was a terrifying contrast to the woman he had gotten to know over the past week or so.

By the looks on everyone else’s faces, he wasn’t the only one in shock from her change in demeanor.

However, the brief lull in the conversation allowed a few timid hoots to be heard from the edge of camp. As the small beaked face peeked around the foliage, Halsin couldn’t help the eager gasp that escaped his lips. In his excitement, his hand shot over to grab Tav’s leg.

“Cub.” He could only manage to whisper the one word.

The poor thing limped along as it favored a bloodied paw.

As soon as her eyes caught the cub, her vengeful aura dropped. Tav crouched down low and took a couple of slow steps toward the owlbear, stopping to kneel on one knee a few feet away from it.

“Blood…hurts…” It kept its wary eyes darting between Tav and the others.

“Oh, you’re hurt? Let me see.” She stretched her hand out and waited for the cub to come to her.

“Look. Cut.” It…he…held his paw out for her to examine. From where he was standing, the small gash didn’t look too deep.

Halsin could hear the others stirring behind him, but he waved his hand behind his back to keep them in place.

We’re not scaring it off again.

“Hold still, I’ll clean it up and make it better.” Tav spoke in a soft tone as she took his paw in her hands, healing the wound with ease. Another wave of affection slammed into his chest watching her.

“There we go, good as new.” She let the paw drop to the ground as the cub took a few tentative steps to test his weight.

“Good. No hurt.” He gave a happy wiggle of his head.

“How did this happen?” She was inspecting the cub for any other injuries he may have suffered.

“Teeth. Claws. Bigger.” Halsin stifled a thrilled chuckle as the cub stood up on its hind legs in an attempted display of power.

Remarkable how he’s interacting with her.

“Why would you fight something bigger than you?” Tav’s tone had shifted to a loving scold.

“Strong. Fight! Win!” He bowed down into more of a crouch.

Trying to show her he’s able to fight.

“Well, maybe for now stick to fights with creatures more your own size. Or maybe even a tad smaller.” Tav stood up as the cub tilted his head side to side.

“Too big? Wait…Strong! Show you!” He started bouncing excitedly around her legs, playful nips aimed at her feet. Tav laughed as he ran around her in circles and his happy chirps filled the air around them.

“I love him. So. Much!” Karlach squealed from behind them. The cub didn’t seem phased by the sudden outburst this time as he was still rather concentrated on trying to unlace Tav’s shoes with his beak.

“You do realize these things grow, do you not? Teeth and talons first.” Gale called from his seat.

“Then maybe he’ll be a good guard for the camp.” Tav knelt back down to rub the cub’s ears.

“Ooh. More.” He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes.

“Well done. He seems to trust you.” Halsin came to sit next to Tav and their new feathered friend.

“He needs a name.” She scratched under the cub’s chin as he started to aim its nose up in the air, taking in the smells of the camp.

“How about…Sniff?”

“Sniff?” Tav whipped her head around with a smile.

“I mean look at his little beak go. Besides, I think Scratch and Sniff has a nice flow to it, don’t you?” Halsin felt a sudden stab of embarrassment at the suggestion. He wasn’t sure if he had earned the right to name a new addition to this group. But when he looked back up, Tav was still smiling at him.

“I do. Sniff it is.”

“Sniff? Sniff. Sniff. Sniff!” The cub jumped around as he chanted his new name, causing another laugh from Tav.

“Ugh we need to get this engine fixed. I am dying to pet this little guy.” Karlach looked to be in physical pain at keeping her hands tight at her side.

As he sat and considered his surroundings, the cub wandered over to sit in his lap. He had tracked him and the mother for weeks; at the time he was thankful to even get a glimpse of them. Now, he had the cub sitting here with him. Something that never would have happened were he still stuck with his Archdruid title, confined to the politics of the grove.

“Thank you, Tav,” Halsin whispered.

“Whatever for?” She plopped down on the ground next to him.

“For this.” He gestured broadly around their camp. “For allowing me to share in your company. For rescuing me from the goblins, for finally giving me an excuse to leave the confines of the grove.”

“It was hardly a difficult choice to make. I’m glad to have you here.” She reached over to pet Sniff’s ears again.

It was everything.

“And I’m happy to be here. Now, I believe you all will be needing your rest before your journey tomorrow.” He would have stood up with Tav, but his new feathered friend kept him pinned to the ground. She grabbed one of his shoulders to help herself off the ground, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Goodnight, Halsin.”

Was that the faintest brush of her fingers running across his neck as she walked away?

[casspurrjoybell-20]

Fools - Chapter 3 - Part 2

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

Jason sat next to me and Carter sat across from him.

"Hey Sam. Noah's not giving you too much shit, is he?" Jason asked me, his hand wrapping around my shoulder.

"No, actually," Noah starts,

"Sam was just telling me how much he loves men."

'Gah.'

"That's... that is not what I said, I mean, I'm gay but I didn't..." I frantically told the other two and they both laughed.

"It's okay, Sam, Jason takes it up the ass too," Carter quipped.

'Oh my goodness.'

I covered my mortified face with my hands and I heard Noah laugh?

I peaked through my hands and what do you know, Noah was actually laughing.

That made me feel a little bit better about the teasing.

Uncovering my face, I watched Jason throw his mini apple juice carton at Carter.

That was also when Emily and Haven walked up to us and sat down.

"Fuck you, dude," Jason said but it wasn't harmful.

"I do not and Emily can vouch for me."

"What can I vouch for?" Emily questioned with an amused look.

"Jason not taking it up the ass," Noah answered to which Haven gave me an... 'are you okay?'... look.

I nodded, to let her know we were all just joking and I wasn't bothered by it.

"And I know for a fact you and Mitchell fucked at Jimmy's party last month," Jason exposed Carter with a evil grin.

Carter just shrugged.

"I heard he was good. Why wouldn't I?"

"Carter is bisexual," Emily explained to me and Noah scoffed.

"Carter's a fuckboy. That's what he is. A new person to bang every week as long as they have a hole to put his dick in."

'Wow, Noah is very vulgar,' I noticed.

Then I also noticed that Kaitlyn wasn't sitting with us.

Hmm, maybe she doesn't always sit with them.

"He's the reason gonorrhea has spread in our school," Jason joked.

'I hoped it was a joke.'

"Fuck you," Carter said and chucked Jason's juice carton back at him.

I glanced at Noah who seemed to be in a better mood, laughing with all of his friends.

Maybe this won't be a bad year after all.

********

I really need to stop jinxing myself.

I had walked up to Noah before seventh period once I spotted him at his locker.

"Noah, hey."

He looked my up and down again but didn't respond.

"Were you headed to Social Studies? I'll walk with you."

"No," is all he said, slamming his locker shut and walking past me to go to our class.

What the heck?

Why was he still acting cold around me?

Didn't we clear the air during lunch?

Did he still dislike me?

Sighing, I walked to my Social Studies class.

Noah was already in his seat, his head down on his desk, so only his mop of brown hair was seen.

Fine, not everyone needed to like me and that was okay.

'It was fine, really. Just fine. I didn't care, I was over it.'

I internally groaned and sat down next to him.

Our teacher walked into the room and began telling us the expectations of this year and all the projects and whatnot for first quarter.

All the while, I was taking as many notes as I could with that motor-mouth of a teacher.

I felt the side of my head burning until a hole was punctured into my brain.

I turned my head to find the source and met Noah's eyes.

Brown eyes that were apparently staring at me and yet, when I caught him, he didn't turn away.

I raised my eyebrows in question... 'hello?'

Noah glanced down at my notes then back up at me and mouths, 'lame'.

I turned the page of my notebook and wrote 'Getting a good grade, which I'm sure you've never gotten, isn't lame'.

I ripped out the piece of paper and handed it to him.

He reads it with narrowed eyes and I thought for a moment that maybe I was too harsh but then he stole my pen and wrote back to me before sliding the paper to me.

'Your not gonna get graded for notes dumbass your wasting your time... and your ink'

My jaw drops.

'Dumbass? That was uncalled for.'

I scribbles a response to him.

'Well 'meat-head' at least I know proper grammar. It's 'you're' not your.

Before I could pass the note to him, Noah was already peering over at my notes.

He was so close, his scent wafting to my nose, like a fresh breeze.

'He smelled good. I wondered what cologne he used.'

Noah erased the thoughts of his scent when he turned to face me.

A new distraction interrupted my mind, his face.

My goodness, he was gorgeous.

Deep, brown eyes, thick eyelashes and even the freckles peppering his cheeks didn't diminish his beauty but one feature I knew not to look at was his lips.

I had to keep repeating in my head not to glance down at his presumably nice lips because he is too close.

That would've been painfully obvious to glance down at his lips.

Again my inner, almost perverted, thoughts 'Jeez, stop thinking about his mouth, wierdo' are cut off when Noah whispers in a mocking tone.

"Meat-head?"

"It's an insult," I said matter-of-factly in the same low volume.

"I'm wounded," he spoke with a dry voice before leaning back over to his rightful spot and out of my personal space and then didn't speak again during class but that was us being playful, right?

Childish bickering like how he was with his friends at lunch.

He was warming up to me, I smiled.

Once the bell rang, I caught up to Noah before he was out of my sight.

"Jeez, you don't waste a second to get out of class," I jested, trying to be his friend but again, he shut me down.

"Listen, sit at my lunch table and talk to my friends all you want but us two are not friends, so stop trying."

I grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie as I did yesterday and pulled us to the side.

He yanks his arm free, giving me that notorious death glare.

"You don't know what personal boundaries mean, do you?"

"I do but I choose to ignore them. Listen, we started off on the wrong foot. Let's just start over," I said with a hopeful smile then held out my hand.

"Hi, I'm Sam Moretti. It's nice to meet you."

Noah rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm not doing that."

"You want to spend the whole school year resenting me? That's going to be exhausting."

Noah looked as though he wanted to kill me and I almost gave up until his expression softened.

He hesitated while he looked around as if to see if anyone was watching.

He then looked me up and down, sighed and finally shook my hand.

"Noah Wright," he introduced himself, grumbling his name but it still caused me to smile.

He actually went along with it.

"That was so lame," he then said.

I chuckled at that and the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

'A smile? An almost-smile, I'll take it.'

It was the most perfect almost-smile I'd ever seen.

Progress.

Realizing I was staring at his lips for a second longer than I should have, my cheeks heated up in a blush.

"Ahhahaha," I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my head.

Luckily, the one minute warning bell rang through the speakers.

'Thank goodness.'

"Uh, well, I'll see you later, alligator."

I turned around, cringing and walked quickly away from him.

Alligator? What high schooler still says that?

And to a hot guy like Noah.

'That was so embarrassing.'

Before I was totally out of earshot from him, I heard Noah say...

"In a while, crocodile."

I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face or the somersaults in my stomach as I headed to the last period of the day.

[demonpoxballad]

The Last Name - Chapter Four

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: There's one more name from the past bouncing around Bucky's head. One more scribble ripped from the pages of Steve's old book. One more person to make amends with. Except this one is different: he can't remember doing anything wrong. No murdering or enabling of evil plans. No threats or political conquests. In fact, Bucky can't remember much of her at all.

Warnings: heavy violence and injuries, the Winter Soldier (assassinations), swearing

Series Masterlist

<< Chapter Three | Chapter Five >>

New York, present-day:

“What the fuck, Barnes?”

“Fury?”

“I’m gonna tell you this one time, and one time only. Quit snooping.”

Bucky shifted his mobile from one ear to the other. “I’m genuinely not trying to piss you off here. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. Why are you looking for y/l/n?”

Bucky inhaled a sharp breath then, and his mouth became downturned, like he was about to cry. “You know her?”

“Yes, I know her. I just said her name, didn’t I? Nobody knows her name.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s a fucking ghost, Barnes! I haven’t seen her since what happened twenty years ago! So why are you trying to uncover her now?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. Here Fury was, clearly knowing all the answers to his questions, and he couldn’t choke one word out.

“Barnes? Don’t ignore me.”

“Uh…”

“Barnes! Stop fucking around!”

“I – I’m not. I’m not fucking around.” His voice sounded small and childlike to his own ears.

“Just don’t try to find her, okay? I’ll know if you do, and believe me when I say I could have a satellite or a drone take you out in seconds, okay?”

Bucky shook his head. “Fury, I don’t remember what happened twenty years ago. I don’t remember anything, apart from her face. And her name. That’s why I’m looking for her.”

“You don’t remember . . . anything?”

“That’s what I said.”

Fury was quiet for several moments and Bucky resisted the urge to prompt him, chewing roughly on the edge of his mouth.

“Did they make you forget her?”

“What?!”

“Nothing. Forget it. The threat still stands,” Fury said, shortly. “I don’t want you getting anywhere near her.”

“How can you say that?!”

“DON’T test me, Barnes. I don’t care about your fucking therapy homework. And I don’t trust you not to fuck her up again.”

“What the hell does that mean?!”

“I have to go. Stop. Digging.”

Bucky could hear a faint voice with an Australian accent in the background, and distantly remembered that Fury wasn’t even on world. Hadn’t been for a while. But before he could say anything, Fury had hung up.

Bucky sighed and ran a hand over the scruff on his jaw. He thought about what Steve told him about working with Fury. How he kept important intel from people, liked to scatter secrets around different departments and agents, spinning countless lies and excuses for the miscommunication. Bucky supposed it made sense to work like that, but at the time he didn’t disagree with Steve. He wondered if he would do the same thing again today, if his best friend were still here, and they had the same conversation. Would Bucky try to reason with him, ask him to see things from Fury’s point of view? Would he tease Steve about being a control freak? About needing to know everybody’s business? “I just like to have a clear target, Buck,” he would defend. “Is that such a crime?”

Bucky also wondered what Steve would think about this particular situation. Sam had told him to stop doing this to himself, of course, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. Existing within Steve’s sphere of faith and righteousness had always been so easy. It had been such a relief to let himself be enveloped in that feeling, each time Steve had found him again. He didn’t think Bucky was a bad person, and that had been enough. But now.

Now, that sphere was no more. Bucky was thrust out into the abyss, and he missed it dearly.

“It doesn’t matter what Steve thought,” Sam had told him. But Bucky still struggled. Still flailed about in open space, searching for a sentiment he could hold onto. Perhaps it would always be this way, whilst Steve was gone. On the really bad days, Bucky chastised himself for not clinging on tighter, for not telling Steve that he needed him, for not begging him to stay. He should have been louder, less proud. More screaming, more helpless whining. Maybe then, Steve wouldn’t have left.

Bucky stood up from his sofa and walked over to the window, tapping his fingers on the pane. He would have to figure out where to find her without Fury’s help. And without Fury killing him before he got anywhere. Bucky didn’t even understand how he had been alerted to his digging in the first place, supposed he had set up some sort of alert to warn him when someone was researching her. Unless Sharon told him. Bucky wouldn’t put it past her.

He looked at the time on his phone and decided to visit Sam in his office at SHIELD. He had been splitting his time between those headquarters in New York, home in Louisiana, and the SWORD headquarters in Florida. Although he had been spending considerably more time at SWORD after meeting Monica Rambeau. Bucky had teased Sam a little at his eagerness to set up shop right next to her office, and was promptly met with a harsh shove and a sharp shake of the head.

“Hey, I don’t blame you, Captain America. She’s very pretty.”

“It’s not like that, man. Shut up. She’s amazing at her job, and very professional. Plus, I don’t really fancy settling at SHIELD right now. It’s a fucking mess.”

It took Bucky about forty minutes to get across town, and another ten minutes spent at reception, trying to convince the staff there that he just wanted to talk to Captain America, not assassinate him.

“Can you believe that?” Bucky said when Sam met him at the desk. “These people actually think you’re important enough to be assassinated. Not just killed, assassinated.”

Sam shook his head and laughed. “Okay, big guy. Let’s go.” He sent some reassuring glances towards the reception staff and security, and clapped a hand over Bucky’s shoulder, leading him through the door to get to his office. “Sorry about that, Buck,” he said, as soon as they were out of earshot.

Bucky smiled at him. “It’s okay, really. I don’t mind. It’s kind of funny, actually.”

“Yeah. I know how hard you’ve been working on yourself, though. That stuff must kind of suck.”

“Honestly, Sam. It’s not a big deal. Please don’t worry about it.”

Sam eventually smiled back at him. “Okay.”

“I appreciate your concern, though,” Bucky teased. Sam smiled with his teeth then, and his eyes squinted shut slightly as he laughed softly.

“Please, step into my office.” He gestured for Bucky to enter and followed, closing the door behind him.

“Are you still busy?” Bucky asked.

Sam pulled out a chair for him and sat down in another. “I’m starting to think I might always be busy, to be honest,” he admitted. Bucky sat down and nodded in understanding. “Why are you here, Buck? I thought I said I’d come see you?”

“Yeah, I think you did, I can’t remember. But the situation’s changed.”

Sam grimaced and narrowed his eyes. “How so?”

Bucky leaned forward in his chair and lowered his voice, even though they were alone. “Fury called me.”

Sam leaned back slowly and crossed his right ankle over his left knee. “What? I haven’t heard from the guy in years.”

“Neither had I. I think he’s in space at the moment.” Bucky pulled his phone out from his back pocket to show Sam his caller history. “Anyway, he called me, God knows how. And he knows all about her.”

Sam glanced sharply up from the phone. “Really? Did he tell you who she is?”

“No. That’s the thing. He wouldn’t tell me anything about her, and he told me he’d kill me if I ever went looking for her.”

Sam tried calling the number back like Bucky had on the way over, to no avail. “Well, shit. What are you going to do?”

“Well, obviously I need to find her, and figure out what happened. Or the other way around. I don’t really mind.”

“Man, no. Didn’t you just say that Fury threatened to kill you?”

“Yeah, but I can’t just do nothing. Plus, I don’t think he’s gonna send a missile or whatever down whilst I’m with you.”

“I don’t know, Bucky. He doesn’t seem the type to make empty promises. And he probably doesn’t care about little old Captain America now that he’s up in space with the big guns.”

“But those people down there just talked about you like you were the president!”

“Like I said. Fury’s probably got bigger and better things to worry about. It does seem like she must be pretty important to him, though.”

Bucky sighed, glancing out the window briefly and then back to Sam’s pensive face. “Did Sharon get back to you?”

“Not yet.”

“Can you search through the files for me? You must have high enough clearance.”

Sam stayed silent for a while.

“Sam?”

He held up a hand and shook his head. “I’m thinking.”

Bucky waited for a while, jiggling his knees around in his seat. When Sam was quiet for too long, he stood up impatiently. “I’m gonna go and get some coffee,” he said, grabbing his phone from the desk. “I’ll call you if anyone thinks I’m looking particularly murderous.”

He made it back to Sam’s office ten minutes later without getting detained. “Hey,” he said. “I didn’t need you; I guess they’re learning.”

Sam was sat with a laptop on the desk in front of him. “I searched her name, Bucky. Nothing came up.”

Bucky’s stomach lurched. “Okay. That’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, no. I expected that. I think she must have had several covers.” He moved his chair around to Sam’s side of the desk, sitting down close next to him. “We just need to search for active female officers from around that time.”

“And around that time was . . . ?”

“Uh. Let’s say . . . 2003 to 2005.”

The search results appeared and they flicked through them together, Sam relying on Bucky to tell him when to stop. Bucky studied each face slowly, not wanting to miss her because of some change in disguise. A haircut, perhaps. It was at least fifteen minutes before Bucky took a sharp breath, hastily gripping Sam’s hand to stop him from clicking onwards.

Sam looked back at Bucky, his eyes wide in concern. “That her?”

There she was. Plain and simple on the screen, an ‘MIA’ in bright red plastered next to her status. The same hair as he remembered from twenty years ago. A completely different name. Bucky couldn’t figure out if it suited her better or not.

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s her.”

Sam sighed in relief, leaning back in his chair again, stretching his arms leisurely above his head.

But then he heard a strange whirring sound coming from outside, and watched as a Stark Industries drone hovered down into view, floating right next to the window menacingly.

“Uh. Buck.” Sam nodded his head towards it.

Bucky looked up from the monitor to the glass wall, grimacing as he saw the drone, the bullet chamber aimed right at his head.

The drone spoke with Fury’s voice: “I FUCKING WARNED YOU.”

Bucky lolled his head back, rubbing a palm over his brow. “Ah. Shit.”

<< Chapter Three | Chapter Five >>

Tags: @mayasreadingnook @writing-for-marvel @howlermonkey69 @ginger-swag-rapunzel @cuddlycalcifer

[everseeking]

Hi! Is it okay to ask for a Levi smutxfluff where he's benched from injuring his leg but it's getting a lot better. His fem! S/o is part of his squad and he gets the report that she was in a life threatening situation but she made it safe and he's waiting for the scouts to return. He waits for them and doesn't know what to feel fjejfjs im sorry this is hella long!!! Also no manga spoilers/references please

 - hello !! thank you so much for requesting ! that’s totally okay and don’t apologize for the length, it helped me out having details :) there aren’t any manga spoilers or references, but there are season 2 spoilers in case anyone hasn’t finished it yet. i hope you enjoy and thank you again for requesting <3

relief

- levi ackerman x reader

- warnings: season two spoilers, nsfw contains smut; hand job, oral (giving), fingering, cream pie, slight overstimulation but not much, AFAB!reader

once again, levi injured his damn leg.

after being temporarily handicapped from his leg injury when he initially fought the female titan, he made a personal vow to never let an injury like that happen to him again. it was a major setback and seriously hindered his abilities. but unfortunately, titans makes no promises.

it was during an expedition, of course, and things were taking a turn for the worst. levi was unaware that his squad would be needed on an expedition the next day, so he kept them up late the night before to polish their skills as much as possible. during the mission, it was clear they could barely keep their eyes open.

levi was extremely stressed out, worrying about his team as well as what he was going to say to erwin later when he yelled at the commander for such a late notice on the mission. for now, the captain had to make up for much of his team's slack. as much as the kids wanted to put up an argument when he flew in and stole their prey, they kept their mouths shut. there was no way they could’ve finished the job on their own and knew their protests weren't worth it, as it felt kind of wrong to argue with someone who was saving their lives.

it was brutal work since he too was bordering onto exhaustion, but levi pushed through and helped his team clean up the last hoard of titans. just when he thought he was in the clear, a titan came up on sasha and tried to grab her. if he had gone any slower to finding her, he wouldn’t have been able to save her. but thankfully, levi was able to use the last bit of his gas all at once to throw himself forward and push her out of the way.

he seriously couldn’t catch a break as this resulted in him getting himself caught in the titan's grip. his blades weren't drawn prior to being grabbed so cutting himself out was impossible. the giant had levi's entire lower half engulfed in its hand. if his second in command hadn’t been there he would have for sure been a goner.

it was y/n’s turn to play hero, as she flew in and swiftly sliced the titan's nape, freeing not only her captain but also her partner from definite doom.

levi wished he could say it was a clean save, but he couldn't deny the bone crunching he heard below him. they arrived back home in one piece with only levi's broken leg to report.

so not only had he injured his leg again, but it was worse than his sprained ankle from the forest. the captain was even more upset when the medics informed him that he had to be benched for six weeks. that meant no physical activity for six weeks. yes, that includes sex.

over the course of his healing, there were many times when he claimed to be okay so he could accompany his team on expeditions, only to be rushed back to bed by his colleagues. many people even urged y/n to nail down the door to her and levi’s shared room in order to keep him trapped in there. y/n laughed off the idea, not even considering it because she knew levi would only feel more tempted to break out. a few nails wouldn’t stop him. the only thing he could say he enjoyed about his time off was having y/n as his "personal nurse," when she wasn’t off with the rest of the team. she still had to stop things from getting too heated every now and then.

“doctor’s orders !” she’d always say as she stopped a heated make out session or after he had tried to pull her into his lap.

when it came to more domestic care, levi hated having her watch after him. he definitely appreciated it, but the last thing he wanted was to be a burden to her. he wasn’t just burdening her with his personal care, but also the burden of the entire team since she would be his replacement for the time being. many times he tried to wave off his partner and tell her he could manage on his own before he finally told her he didn’t want to have to rely on her. he was surprised when she brushed back the hair in front of his forehead to kiss his forehead, whispering that she wanted to take care of him and help him. 

finally, he had reached the sixth week and was ready to hit the sky again. the morning of the latest mission, y/n noticed levi had a bit of a pep in his step as he prepared to venture outside the walls for the first time in a few weeks. she giggled at his poor attempts to get excited since he wasn't the best at expressing his emotions, but she felt a little guilty since she didn't have the heart to tell him that he was once again sitting this one out.

hanji had pulled y/n aside the night before and broken the news to her. she explained that although his road to recovery had been going well, he needed to take one more week to ensure that he was completely healed. it hurt y/n’s heart a little bit to hear this. over the last few weeks she watched her partner practically counting down the days until his return, so she made sure to tell hanji that she wouldn't be the one breaking the news to him.

hanji also knew how restless her friend was and wasn't sure if she would comeback alive after telling him the news, so she waited until the last possible second to tell him. literally, word got around that it was time to make the final preparations before heading off when she pulled him aside and told him.

he was enraged to say the least. he grabbed the front of hanji's shirt and pulled her down to his level as he began to chew her out in front of everyone. the soldiers awkwardly shuffled past the two, definitely not wanting to get involved. it wasn't until y/n came and informed the two of them that it was time to go when he finally let go of her. hanji laughed nervously and decided to give the couple one last minute of alone time as she headed back to her squad.

there was a lot they wanted to say to each other, levi wanting to tell y/n to be careful and y/n wanting to apologize for not telling him sooner, but they both knew this wasn't the time for a conversation. y/n put on a determined face and told him that she would do her best to lead the team in his place, offering him a salute, then headed over to join the others.

levi was super bummed. he waited behind and watched as the horses left to make their way towards the outer walls before he sulked to himself and retreated back to his quarters to finish the less exciting side of his job; paperwork.

it had been a few hours since the cadets had left that morning, so the golden sunlight that was now pouring through levi's windows notified him that they should be back any minute now. he stood up from his small desk and stretched his back that had started to stiffen up from sitting in his chair for the last few hours. many nights had been spent sleeping in the same chair, but he swore it was more comfortable sleeping in it than doing paperwork it in.

he took a look around the room and saw the rays of sun illuminated the dust particles floating through the air. it annoyed him to say the least, as he had yet to find a way to clean the air. for now, he would settle for sweeping the room one last time. just as he was pulling a broom out of the closet, a hard knock came from his door.

"captain levi ?" a young soldier called from the other side. levi was slightly annoyed that he was being interrupted, but he managed to keep the ‘this better be important,’ thoughts to himself.

he placed the broom back in the closet and made his way to the door. upon opening it, he saw the distressed look on the soldier's face.

"what is it ?" levi pryed, not really sure what to expect at this point.

the soldier straightened up and cleared his throat. "the first group from today's expedition has arrived with a report. the rest of the scouts are on their way back now, but i was told to hand you the part of the report that regards the condition of your team." the boy held out the paper in his hand for his superior to take.

levi practically ripped the paper out of the soldier’s hand, causing him to flinch a little, but it was understandable. a million scenarios were playing through levi’s mind about what could have happened. he feared that once again he had lost his entire squad and had to start all over again. it was a pain he never wanted to live through again, especially since his lover was apart of his team this time.

his eyes quickly scanned the clearly hastily scribbled words, searching for words like death, killed, and eaten. the was almost at the end of the page when he realized he hadn’t heard anything terrible yet. eren ended up not needing the use his titan form, mikasa had another impressive kill streak, armin and connie were in a bit of a predicament but got out fine, and jean and sasha were safe too. the only one that had been yet to mentioned was y/n.

in an attempt to distract a group of titans from one of her fellow soldiers whose ODM gear was malfunctioning, y/n l/n used herself as bait. she was successful in saving the soldiers life, but one of the titans caught ahold of one of her gear’s cables and she was thrown to the ground. l/n was found unconscious by armin arlert and she is currently being watched until the group arrives and she can be transported to the infirmary for a full check up.

levi’s heart sank deeper and deeper into his stomach with every word he read. y/n was always putting others first regardless of how dangerous a situation was. she was selfless to a fault. he warned her many times that something like this would happen, but she never listened. her heart would never let her not help someone in need. it was one of the things he loved about her the most.

the awkward shuffling of the messenger soldier’s feet brought levi back to reality. before waving him off, levi asked if there was any more information than what was shared in the report, but he shook his head.

the soldier finally left, leaving levi frozen in the middle of his room. the report was too vague for him to know what to think or do. 

how high was she from the ground when she fell ? did she just get knocked out ? or did she hit her head hard enough to cause internal bleeding ? 

the thought that her current condition could be much different from the report also crossed his mind. y/n was stated to only be unconscious, but she could have gotten worse since. 

there’s no point in pondering the what-ifs, he reminded himself, but it was easier said than done. he moved over to his neatly tucked bed and sat down on the edge of it, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands.

he didn’t know what he would do if he lost her. what the team would do if they lost her. before he could fall back into his dark thoughts about his partner’s condition, a large commotion came from outside alerting him that the cadets were back.

with a small stumble as he jumped up from his bed, levi sprinted out of his room to go outside. there were already a lot of people crowding around the carts and horses, so he did his best to slip past them all. the people in the way that had managed to see his face instantly moved aside, not wanting to anger the captain after seeing the intense look on his face.

after making his way to the front of the crowd, levi scanned the area in search of y/n, having no luck until he heard a familiar voice yelling ‘captain.’

his eyes met with eren’s who was waving frantically in order to flag down his captain who was now quickly making his way over to the group.

“she’s alright,” the titan shifter called out over the other voices in the crowd. levi didn’t want to get his hopes up as he wasn’t sure how accurate eren’s words were, but regardless, a wave of relief came over him.

as he pulled up next to the cart they were sitting in, levi also met armin, who nodded in agreement with what eren was saying. the blond opened his mouth to add onto what his friend had said, when he was interrupted.

“where’s levi ?”

hearing his partner’s voice almost brought levi to his knees. the weight of not knowing her condition finally fell off his shoulders. he peered over the side of the cart to see y/n laying on the ground on her back with a white bandage wrapped around her entire head. her face instantly lit up when she saw him.

the girl jumped up and threw herself onto the captain, wrapping her arms around his neck in a tight hug. if this were any other situation he would’ve told her to get off of him, but right now he allowed himself to wrap one arm around her back and placed his free hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer to him.

levi couldnt bring himself to scold her for being too rough while she was injured. instead, he sighed and hugged her tighter.

“thank god you’re okay,” he breathed out against her hair. he felt her smile widen as she nuzzled her head deeper into the crook of his neck.

after the two finally pulled apart from each other, levi immediately took y/n to the infirmary where they confirmed she only had a minor concussion.

the moment they entered their shared room for the night, levi pulled y/n in for another hug. she graciously accepted, wrapping her tired arms around his middle.

he pulled back and brought up a hand to brush her hair away from her face so he could place a soft kiss on her forehead where her bandages previously were.

y/n placed her hands on levi’s cheeks and gently pulled his face down so she could plant a kiss on his lips. levi eagerly kissed back and began taking careful steps backwards to lead her onto the bed.

they now sat on the edge of the bed and kiss turned more passionate, with y/n opening her mouth to swipe her tongue across levi's lower lip asking for entrance into his mouth. he eagerly accepted, greeting her tongue with his own as they made out.

without breaking the kiss, y/n carefully straddled herself onto levi's lap taking extra care to not put too much pressure on his healing leg. however, her plans became a lost cause when he grabbed her hips to meet his. her eyes widened as she felt his bulge between her legs. tension built up in her core as she instinctively rolled her hips forward to grind herself against his clothed crotch.

it was levi's turn for his eyes to widen as a wave of pleasure swept across his body. he broke the kiss to meet his partner's lustful eyes as she recoiled her hips back once again to bring herself more pleasure. he sharply inhaled before kissing her deeply one last time before throwing her off his lap.

y/n flopped down on the bed next to him, laughing, but she took the hint and started undressing herself like he did. once their clothes were in a messy heap on the floor, levi took a moment to pull her head close to him so he could kiss the side of it, worried he had only made her concussion worse when he threw her off of him moments ago.

“are you okay ?” he pressed, lips still against her head.

y/n laughed and placed her hand on top of his that was on the side of her head. “i told you a million times that im okay, my love.”

“and i’ll ask you a million more times just to be sure,” he replied, pulling back.

as he moved away, y/n grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him in for another deep kiss. one of the captain's hands placed itself on the small of her back to pull her closer while the other felt around behind her looking for the bed. once he gripped the sheets, he brought the hand up to the other side of her back and took a step to turn his own back towards the bed, then fell onto it, pulling y/n down with him so she would land on top of him.

he cringed as he remembered her concussion and quickly asked if she was okay, only for her to laugh once again and reassure him she was fine. before levi could ask anymore questions or make anymore quips, she returned her lips to his. their tongues explored each other’s mouths, searching every inch of each other’s caverns.

she pulled her lips away from his to smile at him while she slowed her breathing. the sight alone was enough to make levi fall in love all over again. her messy h/c hair fell perfectly, combined with her eyes filled with pure adoration from looking at him and the goofy smile that was on her lips. no one had ever looked at him the way she had. his eyes tore apart from hers and trailed down to see the rest of her body.

"you're absolutely perfect," he whispered, just loud enough for y/n to hear as he took in every curve on her body. levi thanked the stars that the moon was bright enough tonight to let him see the soft pink hue that spread across her cheeks as he complimented her.

she leaned in close to his ear and whispered "as are you," back to him. each movement of her lips tickled against his earlobe. it sent a shiver down his spine. y/n shifted her body weight so that she was now sitting up and straddling his lap once again. her right hand met his strong chest, then dragging down to his toned abdomen followed by his lower stomach.

y/n scooted back so she could get a full view of  his hardened cock. her index finger traced a straight line from the base of his member to the tip. it took a lot of self control for levi keep himself from shuddering as her nail softly grazed the side of his cock.

levi propped himself up with his elbows. to get a good look at what she was doing. he watched as her hand went back to the base of his shaft and her fingers wrapped around it. she started slowly pumping him, resulting in his breaths becoming deeper. he closed his eyes for a mere second when a new wave of pleasure swept across him that made his eyes roll back in his head.

y/n had lowered her face and began sucking on just the head of his cock while her hand's pace quickened. her cheeks hollowed out from the pressure of sucking his tip and he fisted one of his hands into her hair. he didn't push her head down, rather, he gripped it to stimulate pleasure for her as well as to let her know he was enjoying what she was doing.

she hummed against him and started to incorporate her tongue as she swirled it around his head, which sent yet another wave of pleasure throughout his body. when y/n added her free hand to the mix, using it to fondle his balls, the stimulation almost became too much for levi to stand. he used the fist in her hair to pull her off him and up to his face.

a small dribble of spit leaked out of the corner of her mouth. before y/n had a chance to wipe it, levi was pulling her forward and swiping his tongue against her mouth to lick it off, then planted open mouth kisses down her face and up her jawline until he reached her neck where began to suck her skin and create a few hickeys. she slowly leaned her head back to give him better access to her neck.

she said a silent thank you when she realized the marks were placed just low enough to be hidden by the collar of her white shirt so no one would know a thing the next day. everyone already freaked out enough when they found out y/n and levi were a couple.

without removing his lips from her neck, levi lifted y/n from her hips then moved one of his hands to feel the folds of her pussy. she was soaking wet, so all her had to do was cover his index and middle fingers with his slick before he slowly slid them both inside of her. a low moan came from y/n’s parted lips as levi’s fingers went deeper inside of her. 

he pumped them slowly, reaching deeper each time until he was knuckles deep into her core. when he curled his fingers to hit her g-spot, she had had enough.

“inside of me...i need you inside of me levi,” y/n moaned, digging her nails into his back. levi laughed to himself at how desperate his lover had become from just his fingers. it was clear to him that he needed to avoid any injuries that could put a halt to his sex life at all costs from now on. 

he pulled his wet fingers out of her and gripped his cock, making sure to cover it with her juices that were still on his fingers so it would be easier to push inside of her, then positioned himself with her entrance. y/n moaned once again as his tip rubbed against her folds before sliding into her. she sharply inhaled as his head entered her. levi gave her a moment to signal that she was ready before thrusting deeper inside of her. after a few weeks of abstinence, y/n needed a bit longer to get adjusted.

after about a minute, levi was able to thrust his hips up and push his full length inside of her as she dug her nails deeper into his back. he knew it was payback for him marking up her neck when she broke her hazy gaze to give him a smirk. just for that, he pulled himself almost completely out of her, then thrusted balls deep back into her, hard.

y/n’s hand flew off her partner’s back and onto her mouth to stifle the loud moan that almost escaped. she shot him a fake glare and he returned the smirk she had given him earlier. levi wanted nothing more than to hear her call out his name loudly, but it wasn’t worth the harassment he’d face from his colleagues the next day.

after she had composed herself, y/n removed her hand from her mouth and placed it on her partner’s bicep. he stopped thrusting into her, knowing she wanted to take over. just like he had thought, y/n started to rock her hips so she was grinding on him much like she had done whilst they were still clothed.

the pleasure was much more enjoyable now that he was inside her. each time she rolled her hips forward, his cock hit her cervix. now it was levi’s turn to stifle a moan, as y/n road him into ecstasy. his grip on her hips increased which most definitely left yet another mark on her skin.

the fact that y/n was biting her lower lip also didn’t go unnoticed by the captain. whenever she did this it was a sure fire way of telling him she was close to her release. he wrapped one arm around her back and in a swift motion flippped both of them over so that y/n was on her back and he was hovering over her.

she let out a small squeal at his sudden shift and wanted to scold him for not being careful with his leg, but her words were lost as he snapped his hips against hers. she once again went to cover her mouth to avoid her moans escaping, but levi’s hands interlocking with her own prevented her from doing so. he gave both her hands a quick squeeze before going back to thrusting himself into her. her eyes stayed trained on his, while his watched the way she engulfed his cock. it drove him so crazy she could feel him twitch inside of her. he high was near, but there was no way he was going to let himself finish before his partner.

he focused more on his thrusts, moving his hips better so he would hit her g-spot harder with each thrust. the way he rolled his hips to meet her core finally sent her over the edge. he kissed her deeply as she moaned against his lips while he continued to ride out her climax. even after she had come down from her high, levi kept thrusting into her, chasing his own release.

the overstimulation was enough to send her over the edge again, this time being joined by his own release. he let out a low grunt as he finished inside of her painting her inner walls with his cum.

levi pumped into y/n three more times before he stopped and fell onto her chest, not even bothering to pull out. after six weeks of no sex, their orgasms were both super intense.

“maybe we should wait another six weeks before our next round if it’s gonna be that good again,” y/n teased.

levi’s head shot up so he could see her face. y/n bust out laughing when he finally realized she was kidding. levi rolled his eyes and pushed himself off her so he could slide out of her.

the mix of their juices that escaped her as he unsheathed his cock from her made his member twitch back to life, becoming hard again.

“or i guess we could go again right now,” y/n added after sitting up herself and seeing his hard on.

levi smiled and pushed her back down gently then hovered over top of her once again.

“that’s more like it.”

[serys-writes-stories]

Unboxing

Masterlist. Referenced Manual Page.

Word count approx 2650.

CW: Pet whump, unboxing, brief nudity, slight experiment whump vibes (but I promise Zaria is just eager and not insane, this isn’t a lab whump series), it as a pronoun, referenced conditioning and beating, fear of future abuse, dehumanisation, knives (not used, only displayed), misunderstanding, 130417 thinking he’s a Bad Boi TM.

—————

A dramatic score of violin and piano notes drifted through the air, dampened by the sounds of sighs, groans, pencil scribbles, crumpling paper, and a forehead hitting a desk. Zaria tossed a paper ball behind her. It landed in the already very full wastebasket in the corner, setting off a small avalanche of dead trees and even deader dreams.

Shadow’s Summit had begun in a dream, as pillars of onyx and silver, fine glitter, and a looming black mass that kept growing and growing until everything had been swallowed by darkness. Zaria had woken with a gasp and gotten straight to work plotting a new story—one she was really excited for.

Fast forward four months, and Shadow’s Summit was still nothing but a very rough draft of about a thousand words, half a dozen mood boards, two playlists, and nothing more. The main character didn’t even have a name yet.

A knock at the front door forced Zaria out of her chair for the first time in what could have easily been days—it had only been two hours, but it had felt longer to her. Maybe she’d take a walk later. Some sunlight would do her good.

She was surprised to see two white-clad men at her door. Between them was a crate with the letters WRU printed in black across the front. A smaller box was secured on top of it by long pieces of rope.

Zaria wondered if they had carried that whole thing up the seven flights of stairs to her apartment, knowing the elevator was out of order. Still, neither of them seemed to be tired. They were both absolutely ripped, though, so maybe they’d had practice and this wasn’t much of a workout to them.

“Zaria Jaleki?”

“That’s me.”

One of the men presented her with a clipboard and tapped a blank line at the bottom of the page before handing it to her. Once she handed the signed form back, the men invited themselves in with the crate.

One of the men presented her with a clipboard and tapped a blank line at the bottom of the page, then handed it to her while the other invited himself in with the crate.

She handed back the signed form and they each told her to have a good day. Then, she was alone in her living room with a sealed crate.

She knew people called them boxies, but who would’ve thought they actually came in boxes?

Zaria started with the smaller box. Inside, she found full-body, light-weight restraints, and a standard, padded crop—exactly what she ordered, except for the missing blindfold. She’d worry about that later.

Inside was also a booklet. The cover page was a colour-printed image of the nearest city’s WRU training facility. Standing in front of the main entrance was the branch’s owner with her two pets. One had long, purple hair, while the other, much larger one, had a black buzz cut. A domestic and a guard. All three of them were smiling in a way Zaria couldn’t help but find chilling.

She opened the booklet, pacing around the apartment as she read the first page entitled Upon Arrival. It was quite helpful. She skimmed through the rest of the booklet, wondering when the boxie itself would arrive.

Then she remembered the second box. The human sized one.

She returned to the living room and stared at it for a moment. There were no latches on the crate, it was sealed with nails; she wouldn’t get it open easily. Internet, she decided, and found instructions on how to open the crate.

After a brief struggle, the top finally came off, revealing a small, blindfolded boy—so that’s where the missing blindfold was—with copper curls and bound wrists.

He was naked.

Zaria’s eyes whipped up towards the ceiling the moment she realised the company hadn’t even given him the courtesy of boxers or a t-shirt.

She took a breath and looked back down at the pet—her pet. An interesting thing, really. He shook with what Zaria assumed was a mixture of fear, anticipation, and cold, but didn’t dare open his mouth, not even to let out the faintest of whimpers. She’s read that fesh pets could have a variety of initial reactions and had watched plenty of unboxing videos to prepare herself for whatever her boxie might do once he arrived. She was glad to have gotten a pet that, upon first glance, seemed to be on the calmer, quieter side.

Zaria slid her phone from her pocket and stood over him, taking note of the way his shoulders rose and fell with every shuddered breath, the way his skin was an angry red where rope dug into his wrists and ankles, how she knew his eyes were darting around by the way the thin blindfold shifted ever so slightly. Most of it was pointless, really. He was stored in a sealed and locked box for delivery, plus his wrists were kept in front of him, meaning he could have easily pulled off the blindfold. Maybe it was to show how well trained he was supposed to be.

Once she was satisfied with her notes, Zaria stuffed her phone back into her pocket and went to her bedroom to find some clothes that wouldn’t be too big on him, then returned to the living room. The pet hadn’t moved an inch inside the box. She reached in to untie the blindfold, earning a flinch from him when her fingers grazed his ear. He was taking deep breaths now, forcing himself to stay still and not run for dear life. He would stay, be a good pet for his new owner. He would.

—————

The black fabric was pulled away from him. He squinted at the contrast of the former darkness to the bright lights his eyes were now exposed to. They reminded him of the training facility. Of Handler Stark.

“Hi.”

He looked up and met the golden eyes of a woman with hair as black as night. His gaze dropped back to his knees. Rule number 6: Don’t make eye contact with Master unless commanded. He’d already made a mistake.

“Hi,” she repeated. He figured it was best to play it safe until he had clear rules of when to speak. “So, uh, I’m Zaria, your new owner.” Her voice dropped and she mumbled, “God, that sounds so wrong.” She cleared her throat and continued. “I’m going to untie you, tell you to put these on”—she waved a bundle of clothing—“and then you can introduce yourself to me too. Let me see your hands.”

130417 obediently presented his wrists to his Mistress and held them still while she struggled to find a safe place to slip the scissors under. Once the ropes were cut, she simply said, “Feet.” He instantly raised his legs, now sitting in a perfect V position. “Flexible, alright.”

She freed his ankles and helped him up, but the long hours of his delivery had left his legs numb. He apologised the instant he fell forward onto her. She was a few inches taller than him, he noticed. The difference would make it easier to avoid eye contact as he was taught.

She held him until he was stable on his own, then handed him the sweatpants and t-shirt. It was more than he’d been allowed at the facility.

130417 nearly exploded with happiness, though he didn’t show any of it, answering with a simple, but sincere, “Thank you, Mistress.”

She coughed. “Oh, god, no way. You’re not calling me that, it makes me sound creepy and old.”

Confusion flashed across his features before returning to neutrality as he slipped on the clothing. “Master, then?”

“That’s not what—” She pondered over it. “Actually, sure, why not? It makes me sound like an evil monarch and I’m down for the vibe. Better than Mistress, at least. You hungry?”

The grumble of his stomach was all the answer she needed. His cheeks flushed red in shame.

The kitchen was attached to the living room in a semi-open-concept design which would make manoeuvring the house easier, and 130417 was grateful for any small advantage he was given. The walls were a pale blue that matched the sky he saw through the window. He got caught up in the view of skyscrapers and clouds in the distance, a welcome change from the bleak facility rooms he was used to.

“Sit,” Zaria said, turning towards the fridge and snapping him from his reverie. He slid to his knees and waited.

She turned back around with a bottle of water in hand, stopping when she saw him. “You can sit at the table if you’d like.”

A test.

“Pets belong to the floor, Master,” he said.

“Whatever fits your liking, I guess.

She handed him the bottle and began preparing a snack—well, tossing some leftovers on a plate and throwing it all in the microwave, but he’d be grateful anyway, right? When she turned to give it to him, he was struggling to twist off the bottle’s cap, a crease between his brows as he tried this way and that way, skinny fingers slipping around the tricky plastic.

“Need help,” she asked.

His eyes dropped and his cheeks went pink again. “Yes, please, Master.”

He gave her the bottle, and she took off the cap without a second thought. Stupid pet, couldn’t do anything.

She placed the bottle and plate in front of him, gave him a fork, then seated herself across from him and waited. He waited too. The scent alone was enough to make his mouth water, so different from the bland crackers and shakes he’s been fed at the facility when he was good.

Now that he thought of it, the room itself smelt of cinnamon and something vaguely familiar.

“You can eat,” she said.

Hesitantly, he scooped up some cheesy potatoes and popped them in his mouth. His eyes lit up. He melted. He took another bite. It was so much better than the tasteless stuff he had become accustomed to.

He was clumsy with the fork, unused to using one, but he did his best, and he hoped his Master found his behaviour good enough as well.

Zaria smiled at his excitement. She was sure his tail would have already made a dent in her floor from wagging with joy had he been a puppy.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

He hurried to swallow and promptly answered with the words Handler Stark had made him memorise. “130417 is my serial number, Master. You are free to call it whatever you desire.”

“It?”

“Your Pet, Master.”

“Oh. Well, we’ll just have to come up with something later.”

130417 finished eating and waited for his next instructions. He was surprised when Master took the plate and put it on the counter rather than ordering him to wash it. He figured he would have to later, after she had finished her introduction—he hadn’t received any house rules, after all.

“Up,” she said, motioning for him to follow. He stayed a step behind as she walked back through the living room.

She explained that he was allowed to eat any time he was hungry, as long as he told her beforehand. He also had free-reign of the living room, but wasn’t allowed to use the TV until she had shown him how, and he wasn’t allowed to answer the door without her present.

Next, she led him to a small bedroom. The walls were pure white to match the dresser and nightstand. A platform of wood pallets in the corner raised a mattress about a foot off the floor. It was covered in soft blankets and fuzzy pillows in a variety of warm colours. String lights lined the perimeter and the window was covered by a burgundy curtain.

“This is your room,” Master said.

130417 startled, blurted, “What?”

“If you don’t like it, we can change it.”

“No,” he said quickly. “No, you don’t have to change it.” He loved it. It was beautiful. He simply hadn’t expected so much. Handler Stark had told him to expect a cold, dark closet, and to be grateful if he got so much as a soiled dog bed to lay his head on. “It’s more than it deserves, Master.”

She smiled. “You need somewhere to sleep anyway, so I figured I’d might as well make it look nice. It was a fun little project.”

130417 was about to fall to his knees and express his gratitude when Master pulled him out of the room to continue her tour. Beside his room was a bathroom with a black, tiled floor, and a counter and mounted mirror that spanned the entire right wall. To the left was the toilet and a glass walk-in shower.

“You can use the bathroom anytime you need, but tell me if you’re planning on having a shower and wait if the door is closed.”

“Yes, Master.”

Then, she led him to her own bedroom, and it hit him harder than the baton Handler Stark had used to make him better.

Paper.

That was what he could smell earlier. 130417 felt his temperature rise. Paper meant words. Words mean sentences and paragraphs and things he wasn’t supposed to look at. Pets didn’t read. He knew that.

His eyes darted around the room. They landed on a bookshelf. A big bookshelf filled with books and more books. Pets don’t read. He ripped away from it, landing next on a bin overflowing with paper. More paper. Pet’s don’t read. He averted his gaze again—and almost wished he hadn’t.

130417 found himself staring at a collection of intricate daggers mounted on the wall, all shining metal and deadly edges, his Master’s words now a distant, muddled blur.

Of course it had been too soon to assume he wouldn’t be hurt here. Of course he’d be. He knew pain wasn’t only used as a punishment: it was also an opportunity—to learn and become better. All owners wanted to make their pets better and all pets wanted to be better for their owners. It was stupid to think a life in service without pain was possible. How could it forget so easily? The daggers were a clear reminder of his place—one he evidently needed, but one that made his hyperventilating worse nonetheless.

A hand waved in front of his face. “Ginger? You listening?”

Ginger? Was that him?

He blinked up at his Master, who was looking at him expectantly, as if she’d just asked an important question. He dropped to his knees and stared at the floor.

“Please, forgive it, Master. It . . . it wasn’t paying attention,” he said with a voice threatening to leave him entirely. So many mistakes and it hadn’t even been an hour. At this rate, he’d be returned for retraining by tomorrow. 130417 didn’t want that.

“It’s fine.” A gentle hand slid into his hair.

She was petting him.

That was a good sign. It meant he hadn’t failed past the point of no return.

“I was just saying you’re not allowed to touch the books or the blades. I work in here, and sometimes I’ll prefer to be alone, but you can come see me if you need anything. Got it?”

His first thought was to tell her that a pet needs nothing but to please their owner. Then he thought it would be better to answer with a simple yes. Next, he wondered if this was another test to decide if he knew his place or not.

“Yes, Master,” he settled on,” but Pets don’t have needs or wants.”

She hummed. “That makes my life easier, then. But you will need clothes. I’m not giving you all my hoodies.”

Her hand pulled away, and he missed the warmth it had provided.

“Shower time for you,” she said. “Then we’re going shopping.”

“Yes, Master.”

[sunrisefairy]

Sketches

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Word count: 2.1k

Summary: Y/N likes drawing people. More specifically, she likes drawing George Weasley. Which is fine, until she loses her notebook and George is the one who finds it. 

A/N: Okay so because of lockdown and me having legit nothing to do i spent the last 2 days writing this fic for @teawiththeweasleys​ writing challenge and i couldnt wait to share it with you. im lowkey very proud of it so i hope you all like it 

Taglist: @hufflepuff5972 @inglourious-imagines message me if you would like to be added!

Ever since Y/N was a little girl she was always drawing whether it was scribbles of her family, animals, magical creatures or plants, you could always find the girl with a pencil and paper somewhere nearby. For as long as she could remember her home was covered in her drawings, Y/N’s mum and dad would frame and hang up all of their daughters’ drawings all over the walls. They were so proud of Y/N’s creativity and encouraged her to keep creating her art. It had become a tradition that every year for her birthday Y/N would receive a new notebook and pencils form her parents and it was always her most cherished gift.

Over the last few years Y/N has become very intrigued with drawing faces, she loved how she could capture a person’s emotion with just some charcoal and parchment. More recently when Y/N was sketching she’d try to focus on the subtle and small features that make humans unique and beautiful, may it be the way their eyebrows arched in curiosity or the dimples and freckles etched into their skin or small wrinkles that danced near their eyes when they smiled. Y/N loved it all.

Because Y/N was so captivated with how facial features made everyone unique she found herself draw a particular ginger a lot more than anyone else. George Weasley. Everybody at Hogwarts knew George Weasley was the twin to the confident and loud Fred Weasley. And being that they are identical twins they look very similar. Y/N found it fascinating trying to pinpoint their minor physical differences and she had become quite good at it.

Her brown leather notebook, which if it wasn’t in her hand was usually found stuffed in her book bag, was full of sketches of George. It started of gradual, her drawings of the sweet boy. Y/N was usually found sitting on a bench in the courtyard if the weather was nice, drawing anyone she saw nearby and normally it was someone new each time. But when her eyes landed on the loud group of Gryffindor boys, she felt a pull to the tall boy with fiery hair who was standing next to his twin, both taking turns to tell a story which had the rest of the group engrossed. Y/N wanted to challenge herself, it was simple, she wanted to capture the features that made an identical twin unique.

Y/N spent the last few weeks ‘studying’ George in a very non-threatening and not at all creepy way. The pair had a few classes together being in the same year at school but the two hadn’t really spoken much to each other. So, Y/N admired from afar, normally from across the great hall or in class. She quickly learnt that George’s face was longer than his brothers, his eyes were more slanted, and his lips had a curve in them that was more prominent when he smiled, something he does a lot, Y/N observed.

~~~

The weather was particularly nice on this Saturday afternoon, so naturally Y/N found herself on a bench in the courtyard with her pencil tin open and a range of charcoals scattered around her as she doodled in her notebook (the one which wasn’t unofficially dedicated to George).

“Hello there little Gryffindors-” Y/N heard a voice call from nearby, the voice belonging to Fred Weasley. George was standing next to his twin and the duo were chatting to some unsuspecting first years.

“-anyone fancy a nougat? They are delicious” George finished; the twins shared a mischievous glance at each other.

Y/N quickly grabbed her other notebook and some charcoal and began sketching the boy’s face focusing on the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed at the poor Gryffindor who accepted the free candy which turned out to be a nosebleed nougat. Y/N was absorbed in her sketching she didn’t notice her best friend sit next to her, peering over her shoulder.

“Ah, drawing your lover boy again I see” Alicia chuckled as Y/N slammed the book shut.

“He’s not my lover boy, I’ve already told you; I draw him to-”

“-capture the features that make an identical twin unique. Sure, so if I flick through your other notebooks, I’ll find one dedicated to Fred too then?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “shut up.”

“Come on creeper, we told the others we’d hang out today.” Alicia pulled on Y/N’s hand as she quickly threw her notebooks and pencil tin in her book bag.

“Merlin, hang on! You’re gonna rip my arm out of its socket!” Y/N giggles hoisting her bag strap higher up her shoulder.

The two girls walked off, arms linked and laughing, neither one noticed the lone notebook that was left on the bench.

~~~

George, Fred and Lee were heading towards the great hall after their amusing interaction with a group of first years when the younger twin noticed a brown book perched on a bench. He detoured that way to pick it up, flicking through the pages in hopes he will find who it belongs to so he can return it.

George furrowed his brows as he dove deeper into the book. He expected it to be filled with notes and writing but he was not expecting to see drawings of people; of him and Fred. But as he looked closer, he quickly realised that they weren’t sketches of him and Fred, just himself.

“Oi! What are you doing? We’re gonna be late for dinner” Fred’s voice pulled him back. George shoved the notebook in his pants pocket and hurried after his twin very confused as to why the notebook was filled with drawings of him.

Later that night George found himself sitting on his bed in his dorm room flipping through the notebook. These drawings were incredible, whoever it belonged to had some serious talent but he couldn’t get over why someone had drawn him, let alone multiple drawings. Each sketch was different to the last though, some were of his whole face others just of his eyes or mouth. George was in awe of the skill this person had; they had managed to capture his face perfectly.

Some might view finding a notebook filled of drawings of themselves a little creepy, however George Weasley found it flattering. You see, for his whole life, George has seen himself as the other half of Fred. Most people in their lives couldn’t tell the pair apart and opted to talk to them and refer to them almost as if they were one person as FredandGeorge and not Fred and George. This notebook was proof that someone out there noticed George as a singular person, an individual, which made George’s heart flutter.

~~~

“Oh godric” Y/N mumbles pouring out the contents of her book bag on the table.

“Hey, Y/N relax. I’m sure it will turn up eventually.” Alicia says in attempt to calm her friend down.

Y/N ran her hands through her hair, very stressed. She had been searching for her notebook all morning with no luck worried that the wrong person had found it and would deem her a creepy stalker.

“How can I relax when my notebook-the notebook which is filled with drawings of George Weasley-has gone missing. Oh merlin, whoever has it will most likely recognise the drawings of George and give it to him and he’ll eventually find out that it belongs to me and think I’m a freak” Y/N’s arms are frantically waving around to empathise her point as she paces up and down the room.

Alicia stops in front of her friend, placing her hands on her shoulders, squeezing reassuringly “Y/N breath. You’ve told me a million times that those drawings are just about capturing someone’s facial features, right? It’s not like you have a crush on the guy so it doesn’t matter if anyone thinks that, because it’s not true.”

Y/N’s sketches of George Weasley had started just as Alicia said but it quickly turned into Y/N possessing a small, okay maybe huge crush on the red head and her trying to find any excuse to stare at him and draw. Y/N’s heart hammered in her chest at the thought of George being the one to find her notebook. There was no way George wouldn’t be freaked out and think Y/N had some weird obsession with him.

“Okay so when was the last time you remember having your book?” Alicia questions.

Y/N racks her brain trying to remember, “yesterday afternoon. In the courtyard on that bench, I was drawing him when you came over. I’m sure I put it in my bag but I haven’t seen it since.”

Alicia nodded, the two deciding that was the best place to start.

Y/N practically sprints to the courtyard, luckily there wasn’t many students here, giving it was a Sunday morning and everyone was probably still sleeping. The two girls look around trying to spot the leather book. Y/N sighs in defeat, collapsing onto the bench and groaing into her hands.

“Bloody hell, I can’t believe I lost it. I’m so stupid”

“Err, Y/N” Alicia nudged her friend’s shoulder.

“Geez, thanks Alicia, you’re meant to say ‘No Y/N you’re not stupid’”

Alicia widened her eyes at Y/N before glancing behind her, “look”.

Y/N follows her gaze and freezes. George Weasley was walking towards them, that in itself was strange but it wasn’t until Y/N looked down at George’s hand and noticed the missing notebook.

“Oh no.”

George had figured whoever misplaced the notebook would probably come back to the last place they had it to search for it. He was hoping for that at least. Not only did he want to return the book to its rightful owner, he also wanted to thank them for seeing him, for noticing him.

As George rounded the corner his eyes scanned the courtyard and were met with Alicia Spinnit and Y/N L/N sitting on the same bench he’d found the notebook on, bingo. Judging by Y/N’s wide eyes that were glued to the notebook in his hand and how Alicia gave her a pat on the shoulder before disappearing, George figured the drawings were the work of Y/N. George’s heart sped up with this information. The two of them weren’t close but were friendly having shared some classes together. George had caught himself on more than one occasion glancing at Y/N during lessons and mealtimes, wondering what it would be like to get to know her. Guess now he has a chance.

His feet stopped a few paces in front of the bench as Y/N gawked up at him.

George cleared his throat, “uh I believe this belongs to you?”

Y/N basically snatches the notebook from his fingers, feeling insanely embarrassed and when Y/N is embarrassed, she rambles. “Oh merlin, I’m so sorry! I’m guessing you looked through it, of course you did. I would have too if I stumbled across a stranger’s book. I’m also guessing you realised all the drawings were of you. Look I’m not some stalker, I swear. Like I’m not some girl that has a massive crush on you and decided to fill a notebook with drawings of you… Well I do have a crush on you. But I promise I didn’t mean to be creepy. I just, I like drawing people and you have a nice face.” Y/N chews on her bottom lip, forcing herself to shut up.

George opens his mouth and closes it a few times as he processes the girl’s words. “Wow, um- I want you to know that I don’t think you’re creepy at all. I was actually really flattered looking through your pictures. It’s nice to know someone sees me as me and not as an extension of Fred.”

The two stare at each other for a few moments, neither one knowing what to say.

George moves to sit beside Y/N, close enough that their thighs are touching, “they are really good by the way. The drawings I mean. You’re very talented.”

Y/N blushes at his words, “thank you. I don’t normally share my art, with the exception of my parents and Alicia.”

George places a hand over his heart, “well in that case I feel very honoured.” He runs his fingers through his hair as Y/N giggles before continuing, “I know we aren’t super close and I kind of hate that it’s taken me this long to ask but would you maybe wanna hang out sometime? Like a date.”

Y/N fiddles with the notebook in her lap trying to hide her excitement “for sure, I’d love that.”

George lets out a sigh of relief, “great, well what are you up to right now? Maybe we can hang out and you can draw more pictures of my handsome face.”

Y/N rolls her eyes and playfully shoves at his side “careful, your head might explode with all that ego. But yes I’d love to hang out with you right now.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

Cheerleader Eddie AU, Crumbling Away

Eddie sat at his desk only half paying attention to the biology lesson. Something, something blood phenotypes, he'd already taken this before and knew what to expect. Instead he was eyeing the clock on the wall by the door. Five more minutes before school was out and there was another cheer practice.

'You know Munson, you're getting better at this.'

Chrissy's words rang through his mind and he did his best to not let his face go completely red at the thought of how close they were when she said this. Scribbling into his notebook he looked down and realized he was doodling hearts.

'Shit.' Eddie quickly ripped the page out, 'what am I thinking?' Chrissy was just a friend, he told himself. And that was okay. He didn't want to be the weirdo who only hung out with a girl just waiting to hookup with her. He wasn't that pathetic.

"Mr. Munson." The metalhead was snapped back to reality by his teacher's voice calling out. Looking up to see Ms. Waters staring at him. Shit. "Is there something you wish to share with the classroom?" She asked, strolling over to his desk. Grabbing the crumpled up paper from Eddie's hands.

"I don't-"

But it was too late as she already unfolded the page and she laughed. Eddie felt his stomach drop as she showed off the page covered in scribbled hearts to his fellow classmates. Their laughter making him want to sink into his seat when she spoke.

"I see your mind's elsewhere Mr. Munson. But if you want any hope of actually passing this time, I suggest you get your head out of the clouds." She put the paper back down on his desk. "Since you're with the cheer squad now, I'll just give you a warning."

Eddie was thankful for the last bell of the day ringing. Quickly scooping his school supplies in his backpack and darting out the door.

'This fucking school, sucks ass. Stupid Ms. Waters.'

Forcing his head down as he sped walked to his locker. Only slowing down when he saw Jason hanging out in front of the older boy's locker.

"Shit." Eddie grunted. Going to turn around when Jason grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Hey, Munson. I need to talk to you."

"What? Locking me in the girls room wasn't enough for you today?" Eddie glared at the basketball player.

"Listen, Chrissy told me about being locked in with you." Shit. "And she wanted me to apologize."

"What?" Eddie asked confused. Jason let go of his arm and repeated himself.

"I'm...sorry." Jason gritted out. Eddie stared. "And I guess since you're a cheerleader now, you're invited to tomorrow's pre game party."

"Wow. Jason Carver himself, inviting me to a party. I'm so honored." Eddie mock bowed to the young man. Jason glared at Eddie's smirking face.

"Don't push it Munson. I'm only doing this for Chrissy. She said I had to invite the *whole* cheer squad." He jabbed a finger in Eddie's chest. "And don't bring any of your weirdo friends or try to sell drugs."

"Can I at least try to summon Beelzebub with a Ouija board?"

"Listen Munson, if I catch you doing any weird shit at my party, I will kick your ass. Am I clear?

"Crystal." Eddie knew Chrissy's defense of him could only do so much.

"Oh and Munson?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay away from my team this time. Especially the new kid, Lucas. He doesn't need you corrupting him."

Eddie would've normally told Jason to go fuck himself for even bringing last year up but this time he didn't. He wouldn't get in a fight with this asshole.

~~

Chrissy sat on the couch in the middle of her boyfriend's living room, quietly sipping on the red solo cup of beer she'd barely touched all night. The place was crowded. At least half of their senior class was there. She'd given up on trying to find Jason a half hour ago. Judging from the crowd in the kitchen surrounding the kegs, he was probably somewhere in the mess of people. Shawnee didn't come because she had to study for history test and Linnea was with her boyfriend leaving the girl alone on a couch, wondering why she even came. She hated parties. It was even worse when you were on your own.

"Hey, Chrissy." The cheerleader looked up to see Stan from the basketball team taking a seat next to her. It had barely been hour and he was already wasted. The smell of cheap booze wafting off him as he got uncomfortably close. "Whatcha doing all by yourself?"

"Hey Stan." Chrissy tried to scoot away from him but he followed. His hot breath on her face as he put a hand on her leg.

"You-you need a guy to show ya a good time."

"I'm not interested Stan." Chrissy tried to push him away but he refused to move.

"C'mon baby, don't be such a bitch." He tried to plant a kiss on her but she stood up and he fell over. Whining out. "Chrissy....can't just leave me with blue balls like this." She ignores him, practically running away from him. Her stomach turning as she tried to keep herself from freaking out.

'It's fine, it's, it's fine....' Chrissy told herself over and over. She hated it. She hated his he looked at her like that. She hated how she knew Jason wouldn't care if he found out about this but it wouldn't be the first time someone tried to come into to her like that. She hated how despite there being dozens of people around them, none of them bothered to help her.

'You should take it as a compliment.'

The voice in the back of her mind that sounded like her mother said. She hated that voice the most of all. Her body shaking as she shook her head. No this was okay, she was okay. Retreating upstairs the girl began to finally steady her breathing. Wondering if she should go home but deciding against it. Jason was her ride home and she didn't want to walk home alone in the dark.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Chrissy was pulled out of her panic attack by the question. Eyes darting over to see a familiar face standin in front of her.

"Eddie!" She probably said this a little too excitedly. "I can't believe you actually came."

"Yeah well, didn't want to disappoint. Especially after seeing Jason eat shit."

"He what?"

"When he apologized to me. I didn't think the guy was capable of it." Eddie took a sip out of the solo cup in his hands. "Although this party kind of blows. I barely know anyone here."

"Yeah. I know what you mean..." Chrissy frowned as she looked downstairs.

"You know, I got something that could make this a little more fun." Eddie reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic sandwich baggy.

"You brought weed?"

"Never leave home without it. Might actually make the noise downstairs tolerable. Want some? Might take the edge off."

Normally Chrissy would turn this kind of thing down but all things considered, a little pot wouldn't hurt anyone.

[rayofsunas]

chasm | albedo

A/n: hi everyone! I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe <33 as you can see, I’m back on my albedo bs, so I decided to write this out finally 🥺🥺 and omg let me just say, I love this so much! . thank you to my very special anon “🌱” you know who you are, for requesting this! ❤️ I’ve decided the reader is female, but if anyone would like a male or gender neutral version, let me know! I also kinda did my own take on this since it’s not explained what Albedo’s “darker side” is. enjoy everyone!! ❤️

Summary: albedo has been gone for an awfully long time, somewhere in Dragonspine. you’re worried about him, naturally, so you go look for him. he’s refusing help for some odd reason, and you find that he’s having trouble. you let him know you’d never even think of leaving his side, no matter what.

Parings: Albedo/Fem! Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff

Word count: 2.2k

The ashy blonde hadn’t been down from Dragonspine in weeks, nearly a full four months. And you couldn’t lie, you were growing worried. 

It wasn’t unusual, pretty typical behavior for the genius alchemist actually. But, by now he would’ve sent a letter of some sort, clueing somebody in on his whereabouts, if he needed more supplies, etc. He hadn’t done that yet. And you were afraid he probably wouldn’t. 

Sucrose was the last to speak to him, which happened to be two months ago when he sent her down the mountains, back to Mondstadt. She had told you that he was fine when she left, busy dissecting some strange specimen he’d found. Typical Albedo entranced and focused on everything the mysteries the world had to offer. 

You didn’t mean nor want to rain on his parade, but you would have to make the journey to Dragonspine and check on him. You couldn’t just sit here, as his friend and lover. 

It was a surprise after the third month that Jean hadn’t sent a team to check on him, but then it all made sense when she explained her reasoning. The only thing stopping her from sending a team up to check on him was the fact that all of the able soldiers were either injured or off on missions; Kaeya was off on some personal business away from Mondstadt, Varka and his team were still on their long strenuous mission, the Honorary Knight was still in Liyue, and Hertha wasn’t authorized to travel outside of Mondstadt.

It was a relief you were the captain of the exploration team, tasked with exploring Teyvat, bringing back information for maps to be drawn, possible paths to be made, and finding new lands. You, on the other hand, were authorized. It was just a matter of getting permission from the Acting Grand Master. 

“Jean, may I please have the authorization to take a small team with me to Dragonspine?” You asked the blonde who seemed to be busy filling out paperwork. Most likely configuring new formations and teams, since the majority of the soldiers were unable to travel right now. 

“All able soldiers are unavailable,” She reminded you, eye’s briefly lifting from the wordy documents, before glancing back down to write something. “If you wait a few days, I can send a team up with you to find Albedo.”

A few days. You had a feeling she would tell you that. That wouldn’t work...

You rocked back and forth on your heels, “Excuse my impatience, but I’d prefer to leave now.”

She stared at you, eyes empty for a while, thinking, though a brief smile shaped her lips. “Do you believe you can make the trip by yourself?” 

Sure, the cold was something you weren’t accustomed to, but you’d do anything for Albedo. Even travel aimlessly through a snowstorm. You nodded eagerly. 

“If you’re not back within three days' time, I will send a few soldiers after you.” She explained. 

“Thank you.” She bowed her head. 

“Good luck, Knight.”

- 

Thankfully, you remembered the general location of Albedo’s hideout in Dragonspine. You could thank your excellent memory - having trained your brain for years mesmerizing back roads and maps - visiting more than once also made it much easier as well.

You reached Dragonspine within a few hours and made the trek up to Albedo’s hideout in less than two hours. The sky was greying the higher you got and the snow only seemed to fall quicker and land on your exposed cheeks like sharp pellets. A snowstorm was approaching, you noted, you better hurry.

Venturing deeper into the medium-sized jut out in the mountain, you could see a single small flame, lighting up the back end, but other than that, the cave was encompassed in darkness. 

“Albedo?” You called out to your lover, noticing an onslaught of shrewd books, some open, some with pages ripped and torn, only a few had the luck of not being tarnished. “Are you here?” You asked again, the only response was the echo the cave shot back. 

Though, in a heap on the floor by the fire, you found exactly what you were looking for. As you approached, the flames became more visible and now you could see more of Albedo. He was oddly on his side, leaning against the back of the rocky cave wall, legs loosely curled into his chest. More of those books he adored so much were shrewd around him, along with his own notebooks, filled with scribbled words.

“Albedo!” He didn’t appear to be moving, only when you practically flung yourself at him was when you saw shallow breaths, chest moving faintly. Furthering your inspection, you gripped his arms and leaned down to his chest, putting your ear right to where his heart is.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

You sighed, forehead lowering onto his chest out of relief. He was alive, thank goodness. 

You still couldn’t see his face though. Ashy blonde hair shielding it, soft bangs hiding his eyes. The only thing your eyes saw was the shape of his lips and the bridge of his nose.

“What’re you doing here like this?” You asked, hoping he would just look at you. His uncharacteristically odd positioning and the fact that he hadn’t even uttered a word yet were enough to leave you concerned.

Maybe his time in the icy mountains, in solitude, was not beneficial to him like originally thought...

“Can you speak?” You asked, confused as to what was going on. Maybe he was too cold to speak. You noted from gripping his arms earlier, that they were ice cold, goosebumps on usually unmarred, soft skin. The small fire was doing nothing to keep him warm and you weren’t sure if he had any warming bottles or Goulash left... Presumably not, hence the reason he was as cold as ice. The real question was, why was he still here, suffering like this, in the cold? Despite popular belief, he knew when to leave dangerous environments when they were a threat to him; all knowledge, research, and experiments aside. No, this was something different... Something was terribly wrong. 

“I have a few warming bottles,” You explained, reaching into your cloak pocket, slender fingers enclosing around the small bottom, taking it out of your pocket. “I know these things aren’t entirely useful, but it'll help warm you up for a little while.”

“No, don’t waste them on me, please,” He whispered. Hissing in pain, reaching for his head. “You need them to get back down the mountain.” The alchemist said lastly. 

“Waste them?” You whispered to yourself, ignoring your questions when you heard him hiss. “You’re in pain,” You stated, eyes narrowing to search for any sign of blood or wound. None from what you could see. “I’m not going down the mountain without you.”

Were his wounds internal? His head seemed to be hurting. You weren't a doctor, but maybe it was from the cold, that was plausible. A headache of sorts, a symptom of hypothermia, though you hoped that weren’t the case... 

He needed to be warmer, as soon as possible. “Would you like my cloak? Here.” You were already shrugging your cloak off and draping it over his shoulders before you even got a reply. 

“Please,” He started, sluggishly easing the article of clothing off of him. “Put that back on, you’ll freeze to death, love.” 

Archons, why did he have to be selfless? He was already in a much, much, worse state than you, and he was still worried about your wellbeing. You frowned, eyebrows knitting together. “You’re already beating me to it and I won’t allow that.” You said, refusing the cloak. More heat, you needed more heat.

You gripped his shoulders, letting him know you were still here. “I’m going to start some more fires, stay put, okay?” With that, you stood and took out some matches. A few small piles of dead leaves and twigs were already around the cave, they’d long ago burnout, but you would take it. You were thankful you didn’t have to leave the cave, leave Albedo. 

As you lit each of the dead piles of nature, Albedo muttered, “You need to leave me here,” He then paused, you heard shifting and rustling. With a quick worried glance back, you saw him trying to stand, your cloak falling to the ground. “Get the-” Another pause. It seemed another headache washed over him. “Honorary Knight...” Forgetting the last pile, you rushed towards him, grabbing his lower arms gently, hoping to steady him. 

“Lumine,” You said, “She’s in Liyue, I’m afraid she’ll be there for a while.” You usually would’ve sent a sassy retort back his way, playfully of course. But the seriousness of this situation stopped you. Good choice, Y/n.

He repeated, “Leave me here.” Your head shook. You weren’t leaving without him, you just wouldn’t. You had this awful gut feeling that if you left, he wouldn’t be here when you returned. 

“No, I’m here to bring you home.” You explained. 

His eyes still weren’t visible. “Home? No, not to Mondstadt. You can’t take me there.” 

“I wouldn’t take you anywhere else, other than there,” This wasn’t making sense... Why won’t he look at you? What is he hiding? Does he have an injury on his face? Taking him in your arms, you allowed yourself to hug him, hoping he’d open up and share his concerns. “Please, Albedo, let me see your face.”

His head shook profusely, trying to push you away, though failing. “I’m terribly afraid I can’t show you. It’s already happening- In less than an hour, you’re going to be in danger... You’re already in danger now.”

“Please don’t make me ask you to leave again.” His voice sounded weak, distraught, saddened. 

“You don’t have to, just tell me what I can do.”

A long pause. He was fighting with himself, it was obvious to you now. He sounded as if he was begging you to stay, his words were saying otherwise. But why?

“Leave...” He pleaded. 

“No,” You refused stubbornly. “I’ll do anything for you, leaving is not one of them.”

He hissed again, this time successfully managing to push you away, shuffling further back into the cave.

“You’re not making any sense, Albedo,” You said softly, following after him. “You’ve kept too many secrets. Not anymore, you can tell me.” Your lover fell to the ground again, this time landing on his back. You gasped, rushing over to him. 

As you stood over him, you could see his bangs were pushed off his sweaty forehead, his left arm splaying across his eyes; shielding them from you once again. But underneath it, you could see a faint glow. Red...

His teal, cerulean eyes were no longer present. Now a deep shade of red, alike to that of scarlet quartz, took over. Was this the fault of an experiment gone wrong? Had he been poisoned? A curse even?

Crouching down beside the alchemist, you wondered. “What’s hurting you...” A slender and delicate hand reached out to remove his arm. He fought back with all his strength to keep you from removing his arm, but eventually, you managed to succeed.

Now with his hand at his side, you were left staring at what he’d tried so hard to conceal. You were shocked to be staring at what you were, though not entirely scared. Any ounce of fear was towards the fact that whatever this was, was visibly and prominently hurting him, evident by the odd ways he hissed in pain and coddled his head. You weren’t afraid he’d harm you as he assumed. He never resorted to violence and he wouldn’t at a time like this; you trusted him entirely.

Albedo stayed quiet for some time and if it weren’t for the deep, unsteady breaths, you would have assumed he’d passed out from the fall. It sounded like complete and utter pain and suffering, but he was alive.

It was obvious all of the pain was a result of the glowing coming from his now, mysterious pair of eyes, you realized that now.

“I can see the glow...” You said, he momentarily stopped breathing deeply. Ashamed, disgusted, afraid. “I’m not afraid, I’m more worried about your wellbeing.”

The blonde smiled weakly, eyes glistening with tears. Relief? Sadness? Anger? You weren’t sure, probably all three and much more than he could ever say. “Wrongfully, selfless in this moment.”

“I could say the same about you, love.” You chuckled, remembering minutes ago how badly he’d been trying to save and protect you. 

Albedo weakly sat up, carefully scooting to lean his back against the stone wall, staring up at the cavern's ceiling. You followed him, reaching over to grab his hand, head laying on his shoulder. You could feel his hand trembling. Whether it be from fear, the cold, or the fact that something was overcoming him, you weren’t sure...

“I’m going to stay here with you, through whatever this is,” You admitted. “You’re not going through this without me.”

He nodded, eyes lulling shut. 

Stay awake for me please, I know it hurts but please.

“I love you.” He whispered, head falling on yours, breaths finally shallowing to a comfortable pace. He was steadying, at least for now.

“I love you, too.”

Of course, you meant what you said. You’d always mean it and you would never retract that statement. But, if you managed to survive this and not die from hypothermia, Albedo’s screams of pain and pleads for you to end him, would haunt you for the rest of your existence.

2.22.21, rayofsunas

[subwaysurf45]

Winter Makes Ice (Ep.8)

Summary:  you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title

episode: eight

words: 5557

warnings: PLEASE LOOK! descriptions of violence, descriptions of gore/blood/injury, suicide, angst, guns, mentions of psych ward, PTSD, schizophrenia

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Seven

Time: 10:30am

Date: October 17, 2024

You sat in the office and waited, your fingers taking turns getting gnawed on and ripped to shreds as you sat there and stared at the wall. There was a chair in front of you with a bookshelf behind it, there were books of all kinds that lined the three shelves, none of the titles seemed interesting but you looked at them carefully, from your seat, nonetheless. 

The door opened behind you and you quickly spun around with your hands balled into fists, someone who seemed normal just stood there with a stack of papers pressed to their chest. After registering the slightly familiar face you eased and sat back down, she walked around and sat in the chair that was in front of the book shelf. 

This pit in your stomach wouldn’t go away, you couldn’t help but think that this woman was a Hydra operative, she could have known the man that turned you back into the person you thought left you, she could be in disguise. Instead of pulling up the threads on the chair you made work of your fingers again and began to bite at the skin around your fingers, the iron taste seemed to be claiming; it meant you were pulling hard enough. 

“What do you remember of that night?” She let her stack of papers fall on her thighs so she could write on them, when you didn’t answer she asked again, “anything?” 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it, please.” With your mouth in use you opted for pulling at the loose skin, the blood was a stark contrast to when you were full of serum, toes and fingers were dark blue. “Can we talk about something else?” 

“Alright,” she gave an annoyed sigh, “how are you with the hallucinations?” she clicked her pen and circled something at the top of the page, then hovered halfway down the page. 

“They aren’t hallucinations, I’ve told you that.” you shot back, “I don’t see anything, I feel it, I can-I just feel like there’s cameras, and I feel like people work for Hydra- I don’t see it.” This definition of what you were going through happened every time you were here. 

“So you can just sense it?” she clarified, the same thing every time. 

“I think,” you shrugged and finally ripped the cuticle of your right thumb off, the blood pooled around the edge before painting your nail. 

“If you just ‘think’ then how do you know you’re not seeing it?” she came back, her pen began to scribble on the page. 

“Wh-what are you writing?” you leaned forward but she tilted the paper towards her, “what are you doing? Why are you writing? S-stop, I-I need to know what you’re-I need to know you if you’re…” you just trailed off and met her eyes, she was giving you a knowing look. 

“You think I’m a Hydra operative?” she questioned. 

“I’m not doing this again, please don’t make me do it, please…” you fell back on your chair and brought your feet on the seat so you could hug your knees. “Please, I’m begging you, I don’t want to do that again, I can't!” you screamed at the end, your hands gripping your hair and pulling tufts out. There were no tears because you knew that wouldn’t get you anywhere, “I’ll do anything, just don’t make me do it again.” all of a sudden you felt two hands gently touch your shoulders, you looked up to see her standing over your. 

“I work for Shield, y/n, you need to breathe-”

You shoved her hands away and stood up to run to the door, when you got there and went for the knob it didn’t move. Both hands grasped at the brass sphere and tugged every which way, you felt her grab her grab your shoulders again. At this point you knew if you struck her she’d hang you back up again, the feeling of the cool slider neck cuff came back and it felt tighter than ever. Your fists pounded at the door and left little blood marks on the wood, the little cuts on your fingers either touched the doors or the speed and power of how hard you were pounding on the door caused the blood to fling and splat again the light brown wood. 

“I’m gonna die!” you screamed, and gave up. You just slid down and turned towards her, it was time for you to submit. “Please,” you knew there was no way to get out, “please, knock me out, I can't feel the pain anymore.” 

With the ringing in your ears you couldn’t hear her call for F.R.I.D.A.Y. and request Bucky and Bruce. 

Time: 10:30pm

Date: October 7th 2024

All you wanted to do was stop. Your feet kept moving forward and guided you through the smoke that came through the vents, but you didn’t want to keep moving. Tears had streaked down your face as you walked to the cinema room, every time you caught yourself in the glass and saw your reflection you wanted to take the gun you held in your hands and point it upside your mouth. 

There was already fighting, you saw Nat flipping and turning around three agents, Steve was throwing his shield widely to knock out as many as possible. 

Bucky just stood there and watched you lock eyes with him, he saw the shift and he knew he was your target. The pit in his stomach only grew as he got closer to you, the barrel of the gun pointed right at him. “You know me,” was all he said. 

Your voice was thick with phlegm, “I know…”

His eyes seemed to soften, the hands he held in surrender lowered as well. It was like you were two different people trying to take hold of one body, Bucky saw Bruce realize it too. Bucky knew for a fact that he wouldn’t fight you, he was okay with you killing him. It scared him a bit at how easy going he was with the idea but he also knew he wouldn’t forgive himself if he killed you; but then again you’d have to go through that if you killed him. It was almost selfish to him, there he was giving the pain and suffering to you. But just knowing you were still very much awake and conscious of the entire ordeal made him want to just surrender so your nightmares could be easy on you, he knew first hand how bad they were. 

Wanda came out of nowhere and began hand to hand combat, Bucky just watched as you fought her completely differently than you would before this. It reminded him of himself, the quick and calculated punches followed by the massive kicks to send them flying. The combat had no room for style like Nat did, after a fight someone would point out that you had used one of Nat’s moves. But with the way you were fighting here, right hooks followed quickly by a left punch caused Wanda to use her magic. You seemed stronger than before but there was no serum in you to enhance it, you were using every ounce of energy you had, that was what was expected. 

A red ball suspended around you and lifted you off the ground, it seemed to work its way into your head. The ball wrapped around your wrists and ankles, your neck was left uncuffed which allowed you to thrash your head around. Arms and legs stiffly moved but nothing worked, the red ball seemingly woke you up. The ball pulsed with your breath, there was this pressure in your ears and made it feel like your eardrums were bursting. The small trickle of something was coming out of your ears and nose. 

“Make it stop, Bucky!” you looked at him with a scream, “please, just kill me already! Fucking do it, please, I can’t-” you tone seemed to drop, your eyelids fell and you lost the scare look in your eyes “I must complete task-No!-it is an-Fuck off-it is an order!'' the two brains you shared had their own war as each agent fell to their knees in defeat, the shield, Sam’s wings, Tony’s suit, Wanda’s powers, Nat’s moves easily took down the agents. 

To Bucky’s horror, in between the fighting with yourself out loud you would turn to him and ask him to kill you, your eyes filled with hurt and fear as the pleads rolled off your tongue; like you've done it before. His own tears managed to leave tracks down his cheeks, the gun had been dropped to his side, he knew he wasn’t going to kill you. 

The red ball dropped and you smashed into the ground, your hands flew to your head and began pounding. Helpless screams came out as strangled breaths, your nails scratched down your cheeks while fists pounded into the side of your skull. Wanda clutched her side as red seeped through her fingers. There stood at the door was the man, the slick hair and the scar on his eye, the one who ordered you outside a hour ago. You stood once you saw him and took your place beside him, everyone other than Wanda was still standing. 

“Well, isn’t this pretty?” he smirked, “nice to see you, soldat.” he looked at you when he spoke, “ready to fight?” you just stood there and looked up to him, he didn’t pay any attention to you at all. “Kill them all.” he ordered. 

All you did was look to Bucky, his gun still laid on the floor and it looked like he wasn’t picking it up anytime soon. Sam’s wings folded in on each other, Steve dropped his shield. You gripped the gun as tight as you can and didn’t think to aim and fire at Wanda who was fixing herself with her power, you just looked at Bucky. It was the small smile that killed you, the kind where one side of his mouth twitches up but he was holding back a tsunami of tears so his lips wanted to curl down. The stubble right through his bottom lip quivered as he slowly blinked at you to let the massive tears roll down his cheeks, “it’s okay, pretty girl, I know.” was all he said, “I forgive you, I love you, I’ll tell you again after this, okay?” he didn’t mean it and you knew that, Bucky was well aware he was running low on time. 

“I’m enjoying this,” said the man, his suit jacket creased as he folded his arms. 

The pain in the back of your head arrived again, that piercing feeling right where the hair started on the back of your neck. All you wanted to do was stab something in it to make it stop, no matter how much better you got that one spot always seemed to show back up again. You reached back to sooth it but quickly pulled away when you touched it, the spot was puffed up and extremely sensitive to touch, you could just imagine how red and inflamed it would look. It was almost like a feral snap,  with everything piling on you couldn’t handle it anymore, your fingers went back to the spot and started ripping and tearing at your skin. You’d punch and scratch at the skin, fighting against the extreme pain shooting down your entire spine. Your knees buckled and you fell to the ground with a antagonizing scream of pain, the back of your neck was on fire as you felt blood begin to break through the skin. Your forehead pressed against the ground and you sat back on your feet, your forehead drove further into the ground as you pulled at your skin harder. You didn’t think you were breathing but loud gaps came every second, a quick hiss when you’d strike a new layer of skin. 

“Get up!” the man screamed, “get up, soldat!” He walked over and kicked you in the side which caused you to roll on your left side, a shot rang out and the man stumbled back and held his foot. Bucky’s gun had a trail of smoke coming out of it. 

Your fingers pulled the two pieces of skin apart and reached into the source of your pain, eyelids were pressed together so tight it was like you were waiting for massive impact. Every time your hands would tremble it would hit a nerve or just hit a sensitive spot and make you cry even more, “make it stop!” you yelled at no one, no one could help you. 

But you hit something that didn’t belong, your shaky finger gripped like this thing and pulled it quickly and easy. All the way down to your palm was covered in blood, it ran along with the veins in your arms. The extremely red substance made the blue chip pop in your hands, it was smaller than a penny and just a little box, wires came out the end of it. The blue light in the box turned purple with how much blood mixed with it, the rip in your skin wasn’t large but it was bleeding fast. Wires and string kept coming out as you pulled, they were about the same length as your spine. 

Bucky ran over and helped you stand, the man didn’t have a gun anywhere near him. “You fucking found it,” he breathed in disbelief. He began tapping his ear and his waist to try and find anything to help him, but there was nothing. “I really thought…” he just breathed out. 

“You should have been more careful,” you walked over to him with blood covering your face, your red hands gripped your gun again. “You shouldn’t have been so confident, right, that’s what you said to me, right?” voice cracks filled the room as you spoke to him, “well fuck you, fucking suffer.” Teeth stayed pressed together as you talked with a low growl, your eyebrows were probably touching at this point. “I hope you die a slow, painful death. I don’t need to fight you, I don’t need to prove shit! I just want to watch you bleed out you fucking monster-!” Three shots to his thigh.

You could hear the bone break and his scream of pain was nothing compared to yours. The man rolled around on the ground, he couldn’t move his legs. “Make it stop!” he screamed. 

Your face lost all emotion, “make it stop?” you asked, he frantically nodded. “Alright.” you hit the same spot, but this time it hit the femoral artery. Bucky just looked at you with a horrified expression, you just stood there emotionless. 

“Ten.”

Red blood like the one your neck shot and spurted in the air. 

“Nine.” 

Everyone seemed to back away and let you have this moment. 

“Eight.”

His eyes never left yours. 

“Seven.”

Both hands tried to cover the bleeding but putting pressure on a broken femur is extremely painful. 

“Six.” 

Whatever higher power he believed in was being called on right now. 

“Five.” 

His face was losing colour, it went white quicker than expected. 

“Four.” 

You swore you heard him beg for it all to stop. 

“Three.” 

His hands left the wound and he laid back on the ground. 

“Two.” 

His head slowly turned to yours, the ‘hail Hydra’ came out as a whisper.

“One.”

He didn’t blink. Didn’t scream. Didn’t move. He was dead. 

Bucky slowly walked up to you, “let’s get out of here, okay?” he gently asked, he made you look at him as Bruce took the little blue box that had been wired to your brain. Right as you were about to leave the room you looked back at the man who laid there, you’d never gotten a name, a nickname, nothing. Your gun shot a bullet right between his eyes before Bucky took the gun and threw it on the floor as he turned the corner to walk you out. “It’s done, he’s dead.”

“I had to make sure,” you whispered, your voice cracking and cutting out. 

“He’s gone, you did great. Now let’s go and clean you up, yeah?” Bucky took you to the medical room where all the doctors were waiting. 

“I’m gonna pass out,” you gasped, “please don’t let them chip me, Bucky, please.”

He kissed your temple, “we got you, I’ll watch you like a hawk. No one is gonna do anything to you, it’s okay.”

Time: 5:34pm

Date: October 9th 2024

Before your eyes could open you could smell the room, it burned your nose as the pungent sterilized and clean smell filled your lungs. The light was almost breaking through your closed eyes and causing you to squint. Your fingers gripped the blanket as a brace when you opened your eyes, it was a hospital room you knew all too well. No one was in the room, the only sound was the soft humming of all the electrical equipment, the heart monitor wasn’t on, the screen was completely black. 

You looked to your right with a stiff neck, you could feel the stitches moving with you as you turned. Instantly you recognized Bucky’s handwriting, there was a sticky note on top of a button that just read ‘gone to shower, press me when you wake up”. So you did. 

You could hear the doctors before you saw them, the footsteps got louder and louder but only Bruce walked in. The walls could cast shadows so you saw the doctors on the outside just waiting, Bruce was in a sweater and a lab coat. 

“Hello,” he said softly. 

“Bucky?” you asked, your voice was like rubbing sandpaper against itself. 

“He’s probably running down her as we speak, he left for his shower a while ago so he’s coming, don’t worry.” Bruce walked over and lowered the handle on the bed, he sat on the edge and faced you, “I’m sorry, I should have found that thing that was in your neck. You had been complaining about headaches in the same spot this entire time, I should have listened.” He placed a warm hand on your thigh that was covered by a blanket. 

“There’s nothing we can do now, I forgive you.” you just smiled up at him. 

“I’m here!” Bucky bursted through the door, a quick gasp as he just stood there in shock. “You’re alive, oh god-!” he practically screamed and jumped on the bed and on you, his arms wrapped you up while he kissed all around his face. “I love you, I love you, I love you!” he planted a final one on your lips, your hand that had a little plastic thing on your finger cupped his cheek. 

“I love you too, but I have major bruising on my ribs.” you joked and Bucky quickly jumped off. 

He stays close but makes sure he's not touching you, his smile is like a little kids when you finally allow them a little piece of candy. Under his breath you can hear the little ‘thank you to who ever. A hand finds its way into yours, still a little damp from the shower but warm and just like before. You can’t hear Bruce, it’s all muffled and zoned out because you’re looking at Bucky, it’s probably the same thing for you. 

“This is important,” Bruce chipped in, “we studied the piece that was surgically inserted into the back of your head, it’s tech we’ve never seen. It was connected to a man named James Wright Jr. and only activated with his voice, it’s the man with the scar who you...killed.” Bruce sighs and looks to you, “it was too easy, you knew that. We were just too confident, and…” the words seemed to drown out. 

Too confident. Too easy. 

You’d heard that before, this Jr., this man who did this all to you. He’d said that, it was his motto when he was torturing you. Bruce was looking down at his notes but Bucky was looking at you, his eyes seemed to grow concerned when he saw your chest rise quicker than the time before. Bruce kept talking and little pieces managed to get through your ears and into your brain. Surgery. Tests. Serum. Two days. 

“Through brain mapping we found you were actually awake for two days and the other eight you were completely unconscious for whatever they needed to do, including doses of the serum and this surgery.” Bruce looked up to see your eyes wide. Bucky was frozen in shock and just looking at you, his hand now hovered over yours. 

“Let me out,” you gasped, your throat closing. “Let me go home!” you lunged forward and shoved Bruce over, he fell off the unstable chair, his arm flailing back and knocking over a metal table with metal supplies on it. 

The sound was like the chains, “please don’t hook me up, I’ll do anything, oh god- not again- I’m gonna kill myself!” you tried to get up but Bucky held you back down on the bed, “I'll do it! I can’t take this anymore! You just watch, I’ll do it!” you thrashed around and scratched Bucky on the side of his face. 

“It’s Bucky, easy, slow down,” he hushed, “slow down, slow...down…” slowly your breathes went back to normal but you were still extremely agitated. 

“You guys… please, if you’re going to bring me back, don’t dress and pretend to be my friends, please, it’s too much…” you sniffled and began to cry. 

“You annotate your books with a blue pen, you use yellow sticky notes to show where there is a happy moment. You take your coffee iced and with milk, only iced.” Bucky spoke as he caught his breath, “you love animals, you want to adopt a cat, one to share, be emotional support for me, remember?” Bucky cupped your face and made you look at him, “It’s really me, they wouldn’t know that, it’s Bucky.”

“G-good, that’s good.” you sighed and wrapped your weak arms around him, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don't be, it’s going to be okay, we’re gonna get that cat for the both of us, and we are gonna get coffee, it’s going to be okay.” Bucky pushed some hair out of your face before leaning in to kiss you, you didn’t need to do much because Bucky was really guiding the kiss, you could feel him push every time you’d sniffle. 

When you pulled away Bruce just stood there, he looked at you with a scared expression. “Are you at risk of suicide?” he whispered, “really?” 

“N-no, I-I thought you were Hydra, I would have if you were Hydra but because you’re not-”

“You would have if we were Hydra, what if later you think we are a follow through?” Bruce pulled out his phone, “get a therapist on the line, Bucky’s therapist, she’s the only one left right now.” he turned away from you both, “get the psych ward at the ready as well, i think we’re gonna need it.” with that Bruce hung up. 

“If she goes into a ward she’s gonna think everyone is a Hydra agent, we need her around the people she knows and trusts.” Bucky sat you up and was rubbing your back, “it will be too close to a cell for her, I’m saying no.” 

“You don't get to choose,” Bruce challenged, “this isn’t about you, Bucky, this is about her safety.”

“I know her better than you, I know what it’s like to be thrown in anything slightly resembling a cell, you don't know shit.” Bucky stood up and challenged Bruce, his shoulders pushed out and Bucky towered over Banner.

“Jesus, she just said she wanted-”

“I want to stay, please.” you softly spoke, a stark contrast to the deep and very angry voices filling the room. “I want to sleep in my bed, I would like to stay here. I’ll see Bucky’s therapist, but let me stay here.” 

Bruce just sighed and pinched his nose, “fine.”

Time: 11:00am

Date: October 17th, 2024

It took half an hour to get you out of the meeting room with Bucky’s therapist, he was trying to calm you down but all you were yelling was random pleads and calls for help. The screaming and crying died down and Bucky asked Bruce to walk you back to your shared room where your new support cat would be waiting, this was your fifth day with her; Alpine. Most of your weight was laid on Bruce, he was practically carrying you down the hall. 

After a couple days of watching and assessing Bruce was more confident than before about keeping you here rather than a psych ward, anytime you were triggered you’d yell something along those lines but it seemed to be a threat and not a promise. Bucky watched over you, joining you wherever you went, it was nice to be near him all the time. His hand would find your back or he’d grab your hand, a way of letting you know you could talk to him. Bucky and Bruce calmed down after the small altercation and knew they couldn’t be mad at each other right now, it was on pause. 

When the door shut Bucky turned to see the therapist just packing her things, “the fuck was that?” he barked. 

“Oh, I don’t think it’s your session right now, that’s in two day.” She shoved the notebook in her bag. 

“I’m not bullshitting right now, what was that?” He turned and squared up to her. 

“She’s schizophrenic,” she just shrugged, “I needed the right words to diagnose, I had to add some tough love.” By the look on Bucky’s face she knew to put down her bag, this was going to be a conversation. 

“She’s severely traumatized and it seems to her everyone around her is a Hydra operative, she went through hell and it’s only been ten-fucking-days since the incident, you don’t get to give her tough love, she’s healing!” Bucky yelled, “you only do that with me because I need it, because you fucking know me- you don’t know her!” his breathes were ragged as he just stared at her. She just stood there, not showing any emotion on her face, “all you do is want to tear healing people down, you do it with me and somehow I believe I deserve it but you don’t get to do that with her.”

“Why not?” Was all she asked. 

“I didn’t choose you, the government threw me to the wolves and gave me the therapist that was going out of business because no one was seeing her, they make me see you every time even though I hate you. I never got to choose a therapist that fit me the best, I never got to decide when I see you- it’s all fucking chosen by the people who drafted me to that fucking war and they still don't let me chose, even now!” A tear rolled down his cheek, an aggressive hand flicked it away. “Never talk to her again, I’ll see you when I see you but not because I want to, because I have to.” Bucky spat and walked to the door. 

“We’ve talked about misplacing the blame,” she countered as he stood in the threshold of the doorway, “you forgave yourself for the things you did as the Winter Soldier but you can’t blame the government for sending a healthy teenager to war, you wanted to go.” 

Bucky sniffled and looked down at the floor, he could see himself falling again, Steve’s face just getting smaller and smaller. But he turned to meet her in her eye, “you said you’ve been to war, right?” 

“Correct.” 

“Then you know you don't go in there expecting to get killed, you sure as hell don’t go without your consent to lose an arm and live until you're over a hundred.” he just shook his head, “fuck you.”

And with that, he headed to your shared bedroom. 

The room had drastically changed. It was now a very calming environment, there were soft pillows everywhere and a few bean bags stuffed in the corner, a cat tree for Alpine. A salt lamp was always on and sitting on a makeshift bookshelf, there were other things that you could just look at all day like a lava lamp. There’d be times where Bucky would walk in on you just sitting on a bean bag in front of the bookshelf, he’d snuggle up into you after grabbing one of the many stuffed animals; Alpine would join quickly. Anything to do with your job was not in sight, it was in the corner of the closet. Bucky no longer wore S.H.I.E.L.D. shirts or pants around you, same with the others, any combat gear was hidden in the corner to help you forget about fighting. Tony installed L.E.D. lights all around the top of the walls, the overhead light is never on because it was a blue tinted light that was very harsh. The L.E.D. lights were a soft yellow, it made the room feel warm and inviting. The mirror in your room was taken down by Bucky, there was one in the bathroom but you have a full length one attached to the back of your door, mirrors were never good during a breakdown. If anything had the ability to fall, and would be loud when doing so, was taken down or placed on the floor. Framed pictures of you and Bucky, you and the team, Bucky and the team were either placed on the very bottom shelf on the bookshelf with the lava lamp or taken out of the frame and hung on the wall, you added fairy lights to connect them. The TV played white noise of soft LoFi music, for some reason that helped Bucky out as well. Area rugs were placed everywhere so your feet were warm and not cold like the tile you slept on in the cell. Wanda had offered to give you some and go out and buy some. She was a massive help, Bucky had the idea and Wanda executed them in style. 

When Bucky walked in he saw a shoe box opened with you next to it on the bed, Alpine sat curled in your lap. When you first woke up and thought both Bucky and Bruce weren’t really Bucky and Bruce, the one thing Bucky did when he told you very specific facts about you or just memories really helped, you had asked everyone on the team to write one. At first it seemed selfish to make people write facts about you for you but they all took a colourful page of construction paper and began writing away. It was a way to calm you down and remind yourself where you were in the moment, it was also nice to refresh your memory on the fun things you did before getting taken. 

Bucky slowly closed the door but kept it open a crack, he sat on the bed beside you and kissed your temple, “hey, pretty lady, hi Alpine.” 

“Hey, Buck, you okay?” You noticed the one glossy tear track down his cheek. 

“Never liked her, honestly, never liked her.” Bucky just shook his head and reached down to rub Alpine. 

“I never thanked you-”

“You don't need to-”

“-for redecorating the room.” you kept talking over him, “I think we should keep it this way, I love it.” one hand went down and rubbed Alpine too, her purrs only getting louder. 

“Your wish is my command,” he smiled at her, a chaste kiss on her lips.

You just shied away and tried to cover your face, your finger just swiped back and forth on the card where Nat wrote about going to an amusement park with you, she noted how big your smile was that day. You didn’t want to but your eyes filled with tears, going over all these memories cemented in the fact that you would never be the same, that this was a life changing moment that could never be fixed. Bucky wiped the tears but they only came harder. “I’m sorry, I’m never gonna be the girl you fell in love with, I don’t think I’ll get there again.” you sniffled, “I don’t want you spending your life walking on eggshells around me, I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me, if it gets too much you can leave, I’ll understand.'' you pulled away from him to wipe your own tears, Alpine sat up and started rubbing against your jaw line. 

“Did you know eight months into dating I said those same words to you?” Bucky spoke barley over a whisper, “and look where you are, still here. I want you to know where I’ll be,” he cupped your face and turned you head to look at him, “right here.” Though he was quiet, he was telling the truth. “You’re enough, I promise you’re enough.”

A/N: THERE WILL BE AN EPOLOGUE THIS ISN’T THE END, ONE MORE CHAPTER! 

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if you would like little drabbles, oneshots, answers that are in the AU of the story feel free to send an ask, direct message me, request it! I’ll tag you (if you want) to make sure you see it and do my best to write for the ask, send them this way!

[golden-barnes]

First of many

Summary: This is your first anniversary with Spencer. And it’s nerve racking.

Pairing: Spencer Reid X GN!Reader

Content/Warning: Just fluff cause I’m a softie. But a few curse words and mention of anxiety.

Word Count: 2,021

Author’s note: I wrote this for @homoose​ ‘s creator challenge because I love her Spencer fics. I am so happy that you reached 2k, you deserve it and more. 

Spencer was, scrolling through Netflix, while you were getting some snacks. He came across Pan’s Labyrinth, which was the first movie the two of you had ever watched. 

Very early on you had realized that Spencer hasn’t watched a lot of pop culture-relevant movies and that’s when you decided that they would have mini movie marathons to get him caught up. Spencer smiled at the memory that was in the first months of your relationship. And then it hit him, like a bag of bricks. 

Their first anniversary was coming up. Real soon. Like in two weeks soon. How could Spencer forget? He had an eidetic memory. It’s just that everything was just so fast and nice, that it seems like time passed him by and he didn’t even notice. He didn’t have to stress about anything, everything came naturally between you two. 

Yes, there were ups and downs. Spencer is a stubborn man and you can be even more stubborn. He would try to protect you by closing off, you would call him out on it. He had his bad days and you had her bad days too, but would always talk it out and resolve it.

He loved you with all his might and you had made this year incredible. He felt at home when he was with you. He never imagined being able to feel this love for a singular person. And he was excited to show you. 

One problem though; this was the first time one of his relationships has lasted more than a few months. He didn’t know how to start. He didn’t know the proper etiquette for anniversaries. Hell, he had never read any literature about how to celebrate an anniversary. Fuck, what was he going to do? 

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, while waiting for the popcorn to be done to get back to cuddling with your boyfriend, You had an inkling that you were missing something. It was like an itch you couldn’t scratch. You grabbed your phone to see if there was anything that would help you remember. But nothing. You still felt something wasn’t right. That’s when you saw it.

You knew you weren’t going to remember, you didn’t have Spencer’s memory. You wrote it on your calendar that was on the fridge. It was right there, with a red heart around the day and everything. Fuck.

Your anniversary was coming up. And you had no idea what to do. But that wasn’t the most stressful thing about the entire thing. It was that it was a reminder that you were Spencer’s longest relationship and this was the first time he has ever lasted a year with someone.

Spencer told you in the beginning about his woes and struggles with dating and being in a relationship. You found it adorable how nervous he was trying to figure out how to manage these relationship things. You even heard him talking to Derek and Luke one night to get advice. 

Thankfully, he was much more comfortable now and realized that he just had to be himself. But those first months were filled with you reassuring Spencer that he didn’t have to change or anything. That you loved him just the way he was.

That’s why you wanted to make this day special for Spencer. To celebrate that you have overcome multiple obstacles and are still together, one year later. To show him that he was the best boyfriend you could ever wish for. But, how can you do that? How can you make this the perfect day for the certified genius that was sitting in the living room? 

Out of all his friends, he knew only one of them could help him. Someone with the creativity, the passion for love, and the knowledge of you and that was Miss Penelope Garcia. Before he could even finish his sentence, she already knew what to do. 

She grabbed a piece of paper off her desk and started to scribble some words down. 

“Okay, boy wonder, you will meet me here after your last class. I will not accept any excuses. ” She gave Spencer a piece of paper. He smiled at his friend.

“Oh, I’m not done yet, mighty professor. How do you feel about shopping?” Spencer’s eyes widened. Shopping with Garcia wasn’t an easy thing, or so he heard from JJ.

“Hey, Reid! What are you doing here?” Luke said, poking his head from the door. 

“I- uhm. My classes are later in the day and I wanted to ask Garcia something.” Spencer told his friend, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Luke smiled at the brunet and turned his attention to Garcia. 

“It’s Spencer and Y/N anniversary in a couple of weeks and we are gonna help our beautiful genius.”  She said with the biggest smile. Luke laughed at Spencer’s confusion.

“Oh, this gonna be so much fun.” Garcia clapped.

You, on the other hand, were on a phone call with Emily ranting about it. You had no idea how to start. You knew what you were going to get him, sorta. Okay, you thought about one thing. But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like enough.

“Y/N, calm down.” Emily laughed.

“Emily! Please, I need your help.” You groaned while Emily let another laugh. 

“How about a picnic?” She suggested.

“I don’t know. He probably won’t like the grass being close to the food. And then there’s all the people at the park. I don’t think Spencer would enjoy all the germs there must be. ” You rubbed your eyes, stressing out.

“Well, picnics don’t have to be in parks.” And that, folks, is why in Emily Prentiss we trust. You both started scheming to make this the best anniversary ever.

It wasn’t a competition but not even an unbiased jury of profilers and behavior specialists can decipher which one of you two was more nervous. 

On one hand, we had Spencer checking his gift that he put in the backseat so you wouldn’t be able to peak. His head wasn’t even in the conversation you were trying to form, keyword trying. He just felt his hands getting clammy. His heart was in his throat, not literally but he felt it. He had never done something like this.

Then, on the other hand, we had you. Gripping the steering wheel as if someone was going to rip it from you. You were trying to calm yourself down by talking with Spencer but he kept looking over his shoulder, staring at the gift he got you. He said he wasn’t gonna show it to you till you reached your destination. The minute you saw a big purple gift bag, you felt your heart stop. But also your brain starts to run. What if he didn’t like your gifts? 

You parked in front of the location and turned off the car. Spencer gave you a soft smile and grabbed your hand. He kissed it and rubbed the place where he planted the kiss.

“What was that for?” You giggled. 

“No reason. Just because I love you.” He gave you a wink. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for a soft kiss.

“C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go.” You opened your car door and headed out. You entered the place, trying to set out everything.

“You can do this, Reid.” Spencer took a deep breath, grabbed the gift, and headed to where you were. 

Spencer knocked on the door and quickly you opened it. You gave him a smile and let him in. Spencer gasped.

“Ta-da!” It was an art gallery, filled with brand new paintings and unknown artists. But in the middle of the room, there was a blanket, a light candle, and a picnic basket. 

“What? I- How did you do this?" Spencer couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was just too overwhelming.

"Well, Emily Prentiss has friends in high places. And one of them just so happened to own this gallery." You explained, grabbing his hands leading him to the blanket. "So what do you think?" 

"I love it so much! It's- Woah." Spencer was speechless. His eyes were sparkling with love. He couldn't believe it.

"Did I just render doctor Spencer Reid speechless?" You joked, Spencer rolled his eyes.

"You know it's not that difficult for you." You smiled at his words. Spencer remembered his gift and started to scratch his neck nervously. How could he top this? What he didn’t realize is that you are still nervous.

"Do you- uhm- want to have your gift right now?" He grabbed the purple gift bag, clenching it close to his heart. 

“Well if you want to.” You said, trying to ease his discomfort. 

“I mean you already gave me my present and it was spectacular. It’s only fair and just that I give you yours. Obviously, if you want to wait it’s fine by me. Or if you don’t want it till we get home, I understand. I-” Spencer rambled, before being cut off by you.

“Spence, hey, calm down. First of all, this isn’t your only gift.” You stated. Spencer looked at you strangely. 

“Woah, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but this is enough. I mean look at this. This is incredible. I can’t believe you did this. I love everything about it. It’s the best way to have a picnic. ” He exclaimed. You chuckled at your boyfriend’s excitement. 

“It’s just a small thing. Don’t worry about it. Now.” You made grabby hands at him, and he laughed while giving you the gift. You opened the bag to see a familiar color purple ball of yarn, a box, and a little book.

“I know you like my purple scarf and since I take it to cases sometimes, so I made you one.” You pulled the scarf out of the bag.

“How?” You gasped. 

“Garcia took me to this recreational center she volunteers at and they had a knitting class. I don’t know, it just made sense.” Spence explained. 

“It’s even warmer than yours.” You said putting it around your neck. Spencer’s heart clenched. “Wait, there’s more. Right.” You pulled the box out of the bag and opened it. It was a simple gold necklace with an S on it. You gasped at the gift. 

“Spencer, I-” “That’s not all. Look at the book.” It was a simple leather small letter notebook. You gave Spencer a look, to which he responded by giving you a reassuring smile.

You opened it to see Spencer’s writing on the first page. 

Whenever you are feeling sad, lonely, or need a pick me up, read a page from this book.

With love, Spencer 

“They are a collection of love letters. Or messages meant to be in love letters, to you.” He said softly.

“Oh, Spencer!.” You pulled into a hug. He gripped you tightly. You pulled away and started peppering kisses all over his face.

“I love you so much.” You said, grabbing his face. He smiled. Something Spencer loved was when you hold his face in your hands. It made him feel safe and loved.

“And I love you.” He leaned in and kissed you. You pulled away first and gave him a smile.

“‘Now time for your present.” You opened the basket to pull out a box. Spencer grabbed the box out of your hands and started to take off the gift wrap. Spencer gasped, his eyes almost bulging out of his skull.

“You didn’t.” He said his eyes never leaving the book in his hands. You chuckled. Spencer had recently been going through all of his mom’s scrapbooks. And you would sit in his lap while he explained every picture and every article. It was like a therapeutic thing. So you decided you wanted to make one for you guys. 

“Oh but I did.” You winked at him. He went through the pictures with tears in his eyes. A year’s worth of memories, right there. He noticed there were a couple of blank pages.

“For the years to come.” You said softly. 

“For the years to come.” Spencer repeated.