#i thought that the fandom had made up them
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Congrats to everyone who has been working on W2H2! 🎉 If it's alright, I'd like to ask to ask 2 questions:
Is there by chance an official ref of colors for Debbie, or is it still up to interpretation at the moment?
Would you say that your personal, real life experiences within the 10 years moving from W2H to W2H2 shifted the tone/story of the series in some way? Something that I've always been fascinated with when I started looking more into W2H was the shift in Sock's character from the original comic -> first film -> second film, and Jonathan's character from the first film -> second film.
Thank you! ✨
I actually just made some 'official'-ish colors for Debbie! Her voice actor Kaitlyn wanted something to use on a banner for conventions haha... so here you go!
2. I'm not really sure how to answer this one, haha. I mean I've definitely changed as a person over the course of making each iteration of W2H. I started the comic while I was at community college, before I went to art school. I adapted it into an animation for my graduation project. And I started W2H2 a couple years after I graduated college. So there's a good 2-3 years between each attempt at W2H I've done, haha. I think a lot of my original ideas from the comic had to change because it needed to be condensed into a short film. I didn't even GET to Jonathan yet in the comic! Some things just didn't make sense to me anymore, like the idea of Sock already having a human body count. It'd just be absurd for him to be able to hide it for so long! Plus, if I made it so that Sock has only ever entertained the idea of murder, it makes his new job that much more appealing-- it's a chance for him to really lean in to this thing he's always had to hide. Between the first and second films though, I mean... I think there's been some tonal shift, for sure (I don't know about a character shift? We'll get to that haha) But basically, when I was first thinking about W2H2, my idea was "Sock and Jonathan hang out and attempt to figure out touch physics, also there's some drama about a journal Jonathan keeps." All of the hell stuff is something that came from bouncing ideas around with my friends, Michael and Neil. I was worried that sending Jonathan to hell would be too bonkers for a "2nd episode", but we all kinda agreed that enough time had passed that the fans would probably enjoy something higher stakes, so it would be fine. (I'll give everyone a moment to realize this conversation would've been happening in 2015-16... ha.)
We also kind of thought, y'know... I have no idea how many more of these there's even gonna' be, so why not go a little bigger with this one? W2H2 is a higher stakes story than what I set out to make in the beginning, that's for sure. It is interesting to compare all of them.. the employee handbook was actually from the comic and I cut that because it wasn't helpful for W2H... but then it became helpful for W2H2, so it came back! Haha. I'm curious to know in what ways people think the characters have changed though. (And is that a good thing or a bad thing?) Especially a character like Jonathan, no one's really even seen that much of him yet, I think most of the characterization comes from fandom, or like... art I've drawn, I guess? Haha... I'm not sure! I guess Sock's a little more confident and antagonistic in this one (though he'll have his moments of hesitation... we're only at Part 1 right now!), and Jonathan has had to become a more vocal/active character, just by nature of the kind of story it is, I suppose. But yeah, I'm not sure! Happy to hear your guys' thoughts though!
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Not to word vomit on you but I can't stop thinking about Oliver wanting a love story like Tarlos and how it all accidentally lined up.
Knowing that Carlos and TK were about to move in, and then Carlos made that romantic gesture and TK got scared because it was, "too good to be true."
Carlos is left, confused, puzzled and nursing a broken-heart but still just as in love. What do you mean that TK and Carlos saw a future together, one got scared at that prospect and left before Carlos was the one to leave??
What do you mean that happened after Oliver said he wanted Bucktommy to have a love story like Tarlos; where it was always going to be them?
Then you consider Oliver saying that we might see Tommy and Buck interact during a call and it'll be awkward and who can't help but think of TK and Carlos running into the furniture store and seeing each other for the first time in weeks.
Anyways, sorry to be delusional in your ask box. I'm deep within the Tarlos trenches so this is all starting to look eerily familiar lmao (it could also be Tim is out of ideas, which is most likely the case)
Please feel free to word vomit on me always, I live for it.
Receiving this ask has actually prompted me to share some thoughts that I’ve held back from sharing, just because I wasn’t sure if it was worth it to throw more speculation into the void. But this message is so lovely, and I agree with it so much and so… okay I will share some of my mixed bag of thoughts about this whole situation.
Firstly, I adore Tarlos and LS (even if I don’t post about either much), TK is my baby, and the interesting thing about them for me is that I wound up caring for them more AFTER they broke up and got back together. If Buck and Tommy’s story is formatted as a rom-com, TK and Carlos are a tragicomedy. TK, the heartbroken recovering addict thrust into an entirely new city, a new career, who doesn’t want to let himself get too close to something good because he is misery incarnate. Carlos, the hopeful hopeless romantic who sees TK and doesn’t see something that needs fixing, but someone who his love could help heal. It’s such a gorgeous story, and the symmetry of both characters shockingly losing a parent in a tragic way is painfully beautiful. I LOVE their love story.
That brings me to Oliver and Tim’s comments. Throughout the Buck and Tommy relationship, my belief that this would be Buck’s final relationship only ever wavered twice. The first time was in the immediate aftermath of their first date (I spent the whole episode thinking that Tommy was actually reintroduced to kick off the bi awakening plotline and Buck was not acquiring a boyfriend) and the second time was towards the tail end of the summer hiatus when I legitimately began to doubt Lou would want to come back given everything that transpired. Other than that, I had full faith that this was it, this was Buck getting off the “hamster wheel”—Tim’s words, not mine.
I had confidence for a few reasons. 1 – the story was always handled with care onscreen and gave us no reason to think they weren’t going to work out. 2 – the chemistry was insane, and I knew it couldn’t just be me because an entire fandom was born. Tim and tptb must have seen what we saw. 3 – the supplementary information funneled to us through articles and Tim’s social media, literally up until post-8x06 never seemed to indicate that their relationship was headed in this direction. A big part of that was the comparison to Tarlos.
In order to protect myself (should I name the list of shows, movies, couples that I’ve fixated on that wound up playing out in dissatisfying ways?), I am awfully pessimistic. The post-episode interviews, articles, + hearing a bit from LFJ and OS has me wondering if this was some mass hallucination. Did we truly cling to something good and blow it up, run with it? Was this always the plan? I’ve wondered if because S7 was so short and S8 required that other characters get the spotlight first/other stories needed to be told and wrapped, and if because of production and scheduling and whatever external reasons, did their relationship wind up having a longer life than was ever intended. Were they ever supposed to make it to six months? Were they ever supposed to make it past the fucking wedding? I have been asking myself this stuff a lot. Alternatively, did something happen that made them want to or have to part ways with LFJ? So many questions, and I’m not sure we’ll ever know.
But… then there’s the delusional side of me, and the reason I haven’t totally abandoned hope is because when I was watching 8x06 live, EVERYTHING in me told me that this is a necessary section of the rom-com formula. Even the call-backs throughout the episode made me feel like the writers are so painfully aware, and that the narrative wants these characters to be together (Miceli’s, Abby, basketball, going to the movies, calling an uber, the loft kitchen, “you’re not ready”)—the motifs were absolutely popping off. I did not think it was the end when the episode ended. I wondered when and how they would find their way back to each other to fulfill the rom-com genre, but what I did NOT expect was to open social media and see articles framing this as the end. I wasn’t surprised when I found out who wrote the articles, and listen—if they bait one side of the fandom, can’t they bait the other? I still have some hope, because at the end of the day, anything can happen with network television. Maybe this is all part of the plan, and the interviews should be taken with a grain of salt. I just don’t know.
Interviews with Tim and Oliver from day one positioned the Buck and Tommy relationship as a queer love story devoid of trauma. Okay, well… huh. From where I was sitting, there was A TON of explicitly queer trauma exposed in 8x06. Their “hurdle” is tied utterly and completely to queerness. Tommy runs because he is a gay man who doesn’t trust that his bisexual boyfriend should “settle” for him, and who would rather be alone than heartbroken, and if that truly is the last of Tommy, it has to be one of the coldest and cruelest exits we’ve ever seen on this show. Do they simply not realize how deeply traumatized both characters come off in that episode, or is it all part of the plan? If the interviews positioning this as the permanent end of bucktommy should be taken at face value, shouldn’t the other interviews that position them as a rom-com (with the formulaic third act breakup, boils and all) be taken as the truth as well? If there was some misinterpretation, why hasn’t Tim said anything—he clearly knows a lot of fans were hurt by what they watched. He must have seen the outrage—why radio silence? Did we truly blow this out of proportion? Are the wheels coming off behind the scenes? I need a tell-all at this point lol
Thank you for the lovely ask, I’ve been sitting with these thoughts all week so this was a good excuse to finally articulate them. <3
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Lmao hey arcane fandom
I'm going to spew my two cents and try to get yall to see why I will defend Cait with my WHOLE LIFE IF NEEDED
I love Vi too btw, don't get me wrong, they both need their foreheads kissed
EDIT: Also, I'm gonna put this here since ppl thought othervise: This is not a post against Vi, she's my goat, she needs to retire from bad shit happening to her. This is a post defending Cait, since she's the character getting the most hate rn, and I will defend basically every arcane character with my whole chest (exepct Heimerdinger, fuck that hoe)
Spoilers
Ok, let me start with the whole breakup scene and the things that led to it, since that's basically one of the biggest points in this argument. I'm going to be honest, I kinda feel like Vi was a little af fault there. Because now, because Caitlyn couldn't kill Jinx, even when she could've, she will have to do the whole hunt again. AGAIN. And we know Cait is only hurting Zaun because she WILL comb through an entire city just to find Jinx, and nothing else. She doesn't hate the people of Zaun. And it could've stopped at that one incident with the grey IF she killed Jinx. But she didn't, because Vi stopped her. Again.
And let me tell you, if I went through all that shit, WITH the support of my bae, just to be stopped at the last moment I'd be pissed too.
"Oh, but Caitlyn didn't care if she accidentally killed the kid," let me remind yall of that moment when Jayce accidently killed a kid in season one with the hextech weapons, and wanted to stop using them, but Vi was like, "hey, it happens a bunch here, let's not stop using these things for fighting!" And literally said "He knew what he was signing up for." But now she suddenly cares about one kid? Plus what's the chance of Cait ACTUALLY missing? And even if she did, and killed Isha...Jinx killed multiple people yall, probably even kids (including her brothers) but yall love her (me too but that's besides the point).
Cait is now driven by revenge. And let's not pretend we didn't see this change coming. The whole bullet board thing she had on the floor in season one, the dedication to free a random prisoner just to get clues about Silco...she was always dedicated to her craft. And the raige started to appear in her even in the final episode, where she got KIDNAPPED BY JINX, let me remind yall, and she had to literally free herself. Just imagine how traumatic that shit was for her. Then, when she could've shot her abductor, her bae stops her, letting Jinx slip away and go on to kill her mother. But, she's still not blaming Vi, and wants her on her team, just to be stopped at the last moment again.
Next thing is the fact that she becomes a dictator...well, she could've said no when Ambessa said her name, right? Yeah, no. That's not how it works. She couldn't have been like "yeah, no, I don't wanna do allat, I'm still kinda liking the enemy after they keep attacking us, so ima pass on this one", for some reason. Ambessa literally made sure that she can't pass this up. Plus she caught her almost right after she returned from Zaun, and leaving Vi. She was in a vulnerable, revenge hungry state.
Ok, yap session over, I'm writing this at 1 am, and I have work tomorrow at 6, so I'm cooked, but Cait Cait Cait Cait Cait Cait Cait
#arcane#my glorious queen caitlyn#leage of legends#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#caitlyn arcane#vi x caitlyn#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#vi arcane#jinx arcane
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what’s a nitpick/issue you have with each of the trolls movies?
I'm gonna exclude continuity errors and judge them as they would have been at the time of making (So I won't fault movie 1 for not alluding to Viva since Viva wasn't even thought of at the time).
Trolls 1: I don't have a lot of issues with the first one! When I went 'what are my issues with the first movie' I drew a blank. I think my only nitpick is that I wish Branch's backstory wasn't one of the biggest jokes of the fandom because of how they revealed it, but this IS a kids movie so I'm not shocked.
Trolls 2: One of my biggest nitpicks is why Cooper didn't go with Poppy and Branch. I think it would've made way more sense. I wonder if they just didn't want to have to show his reunion on screen? Also when Poppy went "You're the yodelers" it was weird because she didn't know who the yodelers were unless she was told off screen? Also they totally could've used their hair when Chaz tied them up, I don't know why they didn't.
Trolls 3: My biggest nitpick is HOW THE FLIP did that letter make it to John Dory, who was living in the wilderness? What mail carrier got that to him? Also I have actual critiques about how the movie handled blood family dynamics and I wish the bros had made like any effort at all to apologize and reconnect with Branch. Like Branch had to be the one to have the realization about the family harmony based on something Viva and Poppy said. I wish that realization had come from something one of his brothers said. I also wish Branch had gotten to throw a bigger fit, but again this is a kids movie so I get why that was what we got.
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So, ehat was your take of the podcast of these two old friends? I thought it was lovely and different than his other podcasts. She gets him to relax.
Now, what about the recreation of the picture they said they would do?:) I think they might have talked about the picture but not when the photoshoot would happen. Xmas is around the corner. Come on guys, give the Fandom a merry David-Gillian gift of all time! It's been a dry spell without your loving craziness. Hike up those stockings on your little legs, G, and hop onto those DD shoulders.
It'd be funny if they did, wouldn't it? It'd also be funny if they recreated it in a way that wouldn't hurt either of their backs, shoulders, or knees, too. XDDD
I had an excellent time with the podcast! It confirmed every single one of my suspicions, theories, and guestimations of their friendship: their personalities, their focuses, their dynamic then, their dynamic now, etc. It was refreshing. It was, for lack of a better word, simple: the facts were the facts were the facts, and there wasn't anything big or grand to be made of their interactions, past or present.
I liked hearing them talk over each other. I liked that both admitted to already butting heads in Season 1. I liked that both admitted they'd never thought to trade childhood stories, or cross their personal lives over.
Most of all, I loved their candor: David admitting he felt dumped in the Revival, and that Gillian didn't know and felt sorry in retrospect. That Gillian didn't feel dumped during the first run. That Gillian thought the Revival's story line reduced her character, especially the ending. That David felt trapped and villainized over the pay gap issue; and only later learned his pay wasn't due to his merit so much as internal favoritism. That Gillian now understands and feels for his pain. That David still feels the sting of Vancouver hating him and being forced out of rehab anonymity, and all the pain he gathered from both incidences. That Gillian admitted she doesn't process shame, just stays too busy to have to face it. That David felt comfortable to say that was unhealthy, and that she felt comfortable enough to hum in agreement. That both know their children have to fail, because they would fail their own children if they stopped those failures. That David tried to drill into his son that he's a miserable person and nothing is as it seems; but that that perspective hadn't worked. That Gillian feels motherhood is the most fulfilling thing for her, yet chooses her work over and over (again, staying too busy to feel shame.) That DD knew as early as Season 1 that Chris intended for Mulder and Scully to be an end goal-- asking CC if he wanted to send GA and himself to couples' counseling as their characters. That GA forgot and laughed over the memory. That Gillian arrived late after he offered her a ride on his private aircraft; then wrote him a beautiful letter, on the plane, instead of saying those words in person. That he marveled she hadn't gone insane from the pressure. That she no longer feels the need to run from Scully's legacy. That both admitted that communication, though important, was non-existent during that time in their lives.
There are so many good bits. But I have two takeaways:
They have the same frenetic drive, the same "crazy" as David calls it; but I can see why it drove a wedge between them (and could, now): they wouldn't be able to tolerate that same freneticism in each other in large doses. (Hence, why they didn't speak for weeks while on set, and were already exchanging "blows" in Season 1.)
Most importantly, they were two old friends who purposefully dug in and rediscovered new things about each other. The camaraderie was different: settled, more "in-character" to how I think they talk when David doesn't feel like he has to perform (though there was a bit of that) and Gillian doesn't feel uneasy, or anxious, or "watched."
In short: they felt wholly the same, but in a new way. :DDDDD
#asks#anon#I dearly loved this podcast#yes because it confirmed my biases of course#but also because they were willing to dig deeper with each other#old friends sparking new conversations ON PURPOSE#that-- to me-- is touching
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Hey there my sweetest, beloved Vexi ♡
I just wanted to share something personal with you that you can then share with others because I know that they feel the same.
Writing has always been my passion. It's been the one thing that has kept me afloat in my life. Regardless of whether people love my writing or hate it, I would continue for the sake of continuing because it is my life.
But when I rejoined fandom spaces, I was terrified after hearing stories of how the culture had changed significantly. Interaction is lower, and hate has unfortunately always made its home in these communities. Given I share fanfiction solely to share with the aforementioned communities, I found myself afraid that I would get hate messages. I was afraid I wouldn't have a community that would stand up for me if that were to happen. While it would never deter me from what I love, I was scared that friendships and positivity were long dead in this space. Fandom felt lonely.
You know what though? I have met wonderful person after wonderful person. And then I met you too. There you are, getting some of the most horrendous messages I've ever seen sent to another human being, and you continue to push for positivity - smiling and laughing with us about how much you just want to see people happy.
Then you went on to start share some of the wonderful messages you recieved throughout that ordeal, only to begin writing positive affirmations and thoughts for us. Once upon a time, I struggled to accept this sort of positivity, I will admit that. When I was having a rough time, I would often see messages like that as 'hollow' for a lack of better words. I would be angry or bitter that others could think like that when I struggled so much to feel like those words should have meant something to me.
While time has passed since I was that person, I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, yet that doesn't deter from the fact that people like you - and countless others - single handedly restored my faith in these communities.
People like you remind me why I cling to my ideals of treating everyone with kindness no matter what. To try to understand other people. To help others. These are all things that bring us closer together. People like you, @silva-daemonium, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @chrisemrysfics, @melodyonthewireless, @dewdropdinosaur, @xalygatorx, @kewpikayo, @jurijyuu, @jalicecookie, AND SO MANY MORE do so much to support those around you.
All of this came about because I wanted to say thank you for posting those short little messages of encouragment. I know that I have appreciated them. Sure, they might seem a little cheesy to me on a morning when I'm tired - but they really make me smile, and prepare me to tackle whatever the day gives.
You're the beating heart of positivity.
It's a fairytale ending to the horror stories I expected.
I know that other people will see this too, so I just wanted to wish everyone that sees this a relaxing morning, afternoon, evening - timezone in general! You're here, and you've worked hard to be here all this time. Everything you've needed to do to achieve that, you've done. That's huge. I'm so proud of everyone, and my DMs are always open to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk. I'll always aim to help my community in the same way that Vexi has demonstrated.
Love to you all, and again, thank you for your messages, Vexi!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Cirice, I honestly don’t have the words to fully capture how much your kindness means to me. You are truly one of the most thoughtful, beautiful souls I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I can’t thank you enough for your words. Knowing that something I’ve done has made even a small impact on people like you is still so surreal to me. I’m just deeply grateful that you’re part of this community.
You and so many others are the reason why I’ve stayed here longer than in any other fandom. It’s been the most heartwarming experience. This community, especially people like you, has genuinely transformed my perspective on what fandoms can be: a space filled with compassion, creativity, and connection.
Thank you for sharing your story, for giving me (and others) a piece of your heart. I hope your words reach others, inspiring them to create, to feel they belong, and to understand how wonderful it is to be part of something like this. Knowing we’re all here together, finding meaning in these connections, it makes the world feel a little less lonely and a lot brighter. 💖
Also tagging the people that didn't get properly tagged because tumblr is broken: @dewdropdinosaur @xalygatorx @kewpikayo @jurijyuu @jailcecookie
#redvexillum answers#positivity#i love this so much#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fandom#pp#poisonpositivity inside joke#i love you cirice#Vexi throws love punches
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i can’t be the only one who thinks rose’s flings with humans were partially self destructive
rebecca sugar often describes rose as self destructive. people self destruct in many ways.
i say this as a girl who’s been in relationships where i knew i was treated poorly but subconsciously believed it was what i deserved. if a good person who knew me well showed interest, i’d feel confused. i think you’re so good and i’m nothing like you type of thing.
(if you couldn’t already tell, i also deal with self hatred, though i’m a lot more self aware than i used to be)
rose saw the good in everyone but herself. she was naive, impulsive, & had a tendency to “worship” those around her, believing they were better than her. she was fascinated by humans but didn’t know the norms or labels of human relationships. she didn’t know or understand much about humans, period. i.e., letting a human baby climb a ferris wheel in greg the babysitter.
rose was initially drawn to humans out of fascination. she saw so much beauty in the most simple parts of humanity.
but people don’t always have the best intentions
i can’t help but wonder if some people took advantage, knowing that rose didn’t understand everything about human relationships. for some humans, i’m in no doubt that they found her intriguing & her powers were obviously beneficial for them, but they didn’t respect her or care to try & get to know her. i’m sure some humans weren’t horrible, but clearly her connections with all of them until the 90s were unremarkable. they’d be attracted to her for surface level reasons.
rose thought this was just how human connections worked. even though it would feel…bad sometimes, rose believed she deserved to feel that way. after all, she said herself that it was “a good thing” if people didn’t know her well.
she didn’t think she deserved genuine love from someone who truly knew her, someone who knew her past self. when a relationship felt good, she’d feel guilty, despite deeply & genuinely loving that person who cared for her.
that’s why she’s so surprised when a human treats her with decency in we need to talk. why she laughs when he says the word respect. why she says, “is this not how this works?”
she’s never had a relationship with a human that was caring & respectful. having conversations about respect & wanting to get to know a person are very simple things. this doesn’t make him “better” than any of the crystal gems—he’s just better than the other humans she knew.
as the next three years go by, rose continues to be self destructive. they don’t know about each other’s pasts & they have a shared coping mechanism: escapism. this is why sugar has said that they enable each other, which is unfortunate yet unsurprising because they cope in similar ways. she never opens up to him about her feelings surrounding past trauma, and he doesn’t either—even when some serious decisions are made. rose couldn’t stand herself & she didn’t feel deserving of love. the more people know about her, the less deserving she feels, which makes her avoidant & confusing in relationships.
nevertheless, she genuinely loves those around her, which is partly why she passes her life on to someone she believes deserves to live & be loved more than she does
as she said in nora’s tape in lion 4, i’m so excited for everyone who’s going to know you. from the very start, she believed that the best thing she could do for the people she loved was leave behind someone who deserved to be around them. someone who was worth loving.
with all of that said i hate the way the fandom talks about her character sometimes
#rosalind rants!#also by the way pearl is not a weak character#she was genuinely fine with these connections because there’s no labels for gems! she simply knew her relationship with rose was most#important and it was!#the term she used was favourite and she was confident in being rose’s favourite person#and gosh she sure was if you know what i mean#but then greg was different and she started questioning it#pearlrose#steven universe#crystal gems#pink diamond#rose quartz#pearl x rose#prose#su#pearl su#rosepearl#meta su#su analysis#rebecca sugar#pls love yourself
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My thoughts on Dragon Age: The Veilguard
So, I finished datv yesterday and now have time to sit and think about it. Now, obviously this is just my subjective opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. I am going to start with the good and go into the bad and then finish with more good (that teacher training coming in). Also, I learned how to do a read more for this.
I am going to start with the combat. I have made another post about this, but that was like 3 hours into my first playthrough. Veilguard has the best combat in the series. Usually Dragon Age games have combat that is a slog to get through, so much so that many people in the fandom say they don't play the games for combat but for the story. I have never been a fan of the real-time with tactical pause, I find it a little boring. I am not a big fan of turn-based, to begin with ( that is one of the reasons I still have not finished Baulder's Gate). In the past, if I wanted to play a good story game with fun combat, I would play Mass Effect. But I have fun just fighting enemies, if DAI's combat was this fun I would replay it more often.
Next the art direction. Now, I am no artist and I know next to nothing about anything. But I really like the art. I think the environments are beautiful. I like the character models. I know people were complaining about the models having small heads in the lead-up to the release, but I think it was because the game doesn't use heroic proportions. And you don't notice in-game at all, at least I didn't. Also the brought back some reused assets from the Inquisition, and some of the paintings that have been around since Origins.
Okay the companions. I might write a longer post for each companion later on. I am going in alphabetical order.
Bellara: I romanced her, and I love her so much. She has some strong Tali vibes with a strong dose of ADHD. I am a little sad that we did not even kiss until after the final battle, but I just read that as her being ace or demi (like me!).
Davrin: He is such a bro. I love him and Assan so much. His banter with Emmrich is so funny. The ending to his story line is a little weak, but I will talk about that in his own post.
Emmrich: I think Emmrich is one of the best companions in the whole series, flat out. I love this man, he going to be my next romance (Female Qunari Grey Warden).
Harding: Harding is great. I really liked all of the Titan stuff in her storyline. I did get her killed, so I am not sure what her ending is like. I did think her romance with Taash was cute.
Lucanis: I'm going to say it. I think Lucanis is the weakest of the companions, I don't dislike him. I don't if I missed a lot of content because I saved Minrathous instead of Treviso or if it was because his writer got canned during development. And what he did have felt bare bones. I thought we would be dealing with Spite a lot more. I will say his recruitment mission is a blast.
Neve: I played a Shadow Dragon so my character had a lot of in common with Neve. I like her, but I don't have any strong feelings towards her one or another. Her romance with Lucanis is a thing that happens. I might change my mind when I get around to romancing her.
Taash: I am cis, so take this with a grain of salt. But I think their storyline about being non-binary was oddly paced. I did like everything past that, I think it was much better paced. I do like them a lot. Also, they are really cute with Harding. I do wish there was more of a reaction to me getting Harding killed on Tearstone Island, but that is a writing complaint.
Speaking of the writing. It is really a mixed bag. Some of it is great and then some of it was giving slop comics from the mid-00s. The first several hours are story slog, some of that is because of all the lore dumps, and some of it is because it is oddly paced. The writing gets progressively better throughout the game. From the point of no return to the credits it is the strongest writing, maybe not in the whole series but definitely since the last third of DAI. That after-credit scene was a choice. I will probably talk about that more after I figure out how I feel about it. I think Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nan are the strongest villains since Loghain, it really helps that they are present throughout the game. There are definitely moments where you feel that Rook is HR, but not a lot, but enough that I understand why that made it into some reviews. I don't think it is any more quippy or Marvel-like than any other Dragon Age game, "Swooping is bad" comes to mind.
Finally, some random thoughts. I think this game really nailed the horror of the Blight, I can't get the image of Bellara wrapped in Blight tentacles during the final section out of my head.
I played a non-mage elf shadow dragon, and there was a lot of reactivity for the shadow dragon part, less the elf part. I know I missed a conversation with Tarquin about it, but still. It's like no one even noticed the pointy ears.
That's it for now. I might add more as think about it.
8/10, I had a blast.
#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#bellara#lucanis dellamorte#emmrich volkarin#taash#neve gallus#lace harding
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coming here i dont even know what these lady video cam is abt but lmfao the thought of jk having a gf never crossed my mind NOT bc i think he will never have one, but my opinion is that jungkook could be gay or queer ( but that’s on me) i am not gonna shout it in someone else face to scream and force u to believe it. he’s never shown any attraction in women, he also love gender neutrality.
as someone who been in this more than 10yrs. if jk wanted u to know he have a gf believe me its not gonna be from some bs clip leaks or whatever. this man is a passionate and fearless, he’s spoken his mind and has always been focus on his dream wanting to be the best singer.
i wont believe things if its not coming from himself. AND I believe there are people out there trying hard to bring him down. believe it or not but these type of things could be made up intentionally to make rumours abt him. remember what jm and joon talked abt “there are evil / bastard/ bad people out there (in the industry )” not everyone think or pray good for u.
especially them being a famous person, OFCOURSE they have people who waiting and praying for their downfall everyday.
and jungkook had always been a transparent and true to himself, If he’s in a relationship and the way we gonna find out is from himself, not some random clip posts or dispatches or even nasty articles which only want click baits from the public especially to stirr storm in the fandom.
I do believe they’ve been in a long term romantic relationship for a long time. One point that us jikookers tend to avoid (with good reasons, it’s filmed by a saeseng) is the clip of what looks like JK holding a woman seen through a window? What do you think that was about?
Hi arundhati94-blog!
First of all let me make it clear that I'm not going to ignore any of your or others asks regarding Jikook. The only condition to all those sending in the asks is to be polite and be respectful towards Jimin, Jungkook or any other members. Otherwise I'm very open to discussions regarding Jikook and will try my best to respond to you guys.
Now let's get into the discussion, shall we? So, do I think that its Jungkook in that video?
NO. I don't.
Why I think its not Jungkook and the video is not of his apartment?
There are many reasons. The first one being the crap quality of the video with the faces of the man and woman in it completely wiped out thus making them unrecognizable. All the phones out there offer a much better quality. So, how come we get a video of this poor quality? How come in other photos which they leaked of him alone in his house the quality is better and the angle is completely different? The second reason is regarding the apartment in the video. The apartment rented by BH is in the ground floor, has a courtyard and is surrounded by a high fence. In the video the wall panel seems to be in different places and the windows are different too. Another difference is the apartment in the video has a vase while Jungkook's apartment has a lamp in that same area but not a vase.
Another thing which is highly suspicious is the timing of the video and the length of it. I have heard the narrative that its a video from Feb 2023 cause the man in the video had bangs and long hair similar to Jungkook during the early months of 2023. So, why keep it in the wraps for almost 7 months if it was originally captured in February? Why not release it straight away? Whatever damage, the people behind this video intended to do to Jungkook will be the same irrespective of the time of its release. Be it in Feb 2023 or before the release of Seven or before 3D or his album. And they only managed to capture a 14s or 15s long video? Where's the before and after clips? Very hard to believe they couldn't capture more.
This video was done intentionally to make the audience believe that it was Jungkook. Hence, the similar but not the exact apartment, the video being so grainy that its impossible to identify the people in it however make it look like the man has a silhouette similar to Jungkook, a doberman. The open curtains get me every time. Cause this was around the time Jungkook complained about being stalked, had a video of him taken at the gym, had people sending food to his address. So, they want us to believe that Jungkook would have his curtains open if there was a "supposed gf" at his apartment.
So, that video is either of another couple or intentionally set up by other people to sabotage him. I'm leaning more into the latter option.
I highly doubt its a sasaeng video cause of why they didnt release it immediately after it was captured in Feb 2023 (since they claim its a video from Feb) and cause of how they posted this video and then vanished. There was a tweet on X a few days before the weibo video was released warning the fans about a fake video to sabotage Jungkook and not to believe in it.
We need to remember that they work in an industry which has a dark side ruled by people who are capable of such deeds. I don't wanna share much about this but its not impossible. So, always trust the artist you stan rather than questionable sources.
Now let's talk about Jungkook denying the gf rumors.
He was on Station head when he was getting repetitive messages asking him if he has a gf and this was how he answered them:
Now to those that'll say "but he didnt deny the video, would've been a fling, would've broken up". He already knew what storm was going on and chose to address it. He could have chosen not to. And the Jungkook I have seen so far would have clearly admitted if he had a gf. Cause don't you remember the AHL Jungkook guys??!! He was just starting his career at that time. But he didnt hide that he had a gf before. I still remember that conversations cause of the words he used.
Do you think this Jungkook who was just starting his career who openly talked about his dating experience and how he wanted to get tattoos even though Yoongi said him not to cause it'll be frowned upon by the fans, will be afraid of admitting he had a gf? I don't think so.
But the crowd was quick to spin more narratives when he denied having a gf. They accused him of being a f**kboy going around sleeping with women. He saw all this and decided to show up a few hours later after denying of having a gf. This time he went head on denying the allegations and even exposing himself to an extent (I was shocked) by posting this TikTok trend:
youtube
He captioned it:
So, he chose to do a Tiktok trend which was pretty old by that time and captioned it as "I go the other way".
Those who are gonna say "He just did it the trend in the opposite way hence the caption". STOP. Cause we all know its obvious what he meant when he captioned it like that when the singer was mentioning names of girls. He could have done it the opposite way without the caption. And he deleted it after a few minutes after he was sure that those that cared about him got the meaning behind it.
Now he has done something similar like this in 2019 when he was wrongly accused of dating Mijoo.
This was the first time he appeared on a live after the whole circus. It looked like he came there to make that exact statement. It was out of the blue. And the choice of his words were more specific to be exact. Even Hoseok was confused. You can take it however way you want. Either simply like Jungkook complimenting Hoseok or just try to connect the time he opted to say it. A time when he was rumored to be dating a girl. After Jungkook has shown us all where his interest lies in, which is obviously not with a girl but with a boy for whom he wears his heart on his sleeve. I choose to believe the latter option.
You can watch the live here. Jungkook appears at the 24 min mark. Just notice his face and expression when he says "I never thought I would fall for a man". He's letting us know through these small moments. Just read it with the bigger picture taking timing into the context.
youtube
Also, let's not forget how he answered this question:
Q: How would you describe yourself in five words?
🐰: I'm still me
This was in Festa 2019. "I'm still me" is a famous line from the gay movie Love, Simon released in 2018. He posted the "I'm still me" artwork too. And the name of his documentary:
Read it along with how he has used songs in his GCFs which are all either gender neutral or with the "he" pronoun.
Named his flower bouquet "Various Loves"
He chose to work with CK. Apart from being a fan of the brand the partnership is special to him cause CK's values resonates with him.
And CK is very LGBTQ+ friendly using LGBTQ+ models. They have partnered with various NGOs in support of LGBTQ+ advocacy, equality and safety.
And the day Jungkook broke the Internet with this:
So, let's listen to what Jungkook says and trust him instead of a blurry video. Cause he has been honest and transparent with us as much as possible. Let's give so much love and support to this boy
Have a nice day arundhati94-blog!
Credits to the owner of the video
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champagne supernova
summary - After the events in Sokovia, Wanda goes to live at the Avengers compound and there she ends up getting closer to Natasha, someone she initially thought hated her. Natasha had every reason in the world to hate Wanda, but seeing her so lost and broken with Pietro's death made Natasha, even if unconsciously, take on a protective stance towards Wanda, and the closer they got, the more a feeling that Natasha never thought she could really feel came to the surface. Clint invites them to spend Christmas with his family, feeling that some time away from the Avengers compound would do them good. And he wasn't wrong.
warning(s) — Fluff, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, More Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Christmas Fluff, Canon Divergence, post Age of Ultron, My First Work in This Fandom, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Soft Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, mentions of Pietro, No Wanda/Vision, no nat/bruce, Natasha is a big softie, also is wanda, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Lesbian Wanda Maximoff, Lesbian Natasha Romanov, Mild Smut, Eventual Smut minors DNI please word count: 14,550k
Natasha felt her heart ache with agony when Hulk’s image disappeared from the screen. She knew Bruce had been battling with his own demons for a long time and even after joining the Avengers and saving the world more than they count, even now that they had found a way to put Hulk to sleep with ease, he still couldn’t relax. He was always on alert. And things only got worse after they met the Maximmof’s twins and Wanda used her abilities to make him lose control and attack and destroy everything in his path. Nat sighed deeply, trying not to show any emotions in that ship surrounded by so many people she didn’t know.
“So, where’s Bruce?” Fury asked, appearing at her side.
“I don’t know. He turned off the communication system and kept the Quinjet in stealth mood.”
“Well, at least the Quinjet is completely equipped. He’ll be fine.” Fury sighed, running a hand through his head. “Go get some rest, there’s nothing we can do for now.”
“Where are the others?”
“Barton and Rogers are in the infirmary. Tony rescued Thor after the city blew up and they were thrown down, and Vision just left Wanda here a moment ago.”
“Where is Pietro?”
Natasha felt tears welling up once again at Fury just shaking his head. “How?”
“Ultron’s final attack.”
“Where’s Wanda?”
“She’s down there, with Pietro.”
Natasha nodded and without saying anything else started her way to the lower levels of the ship. She wasn’t sure why she was going to check on Wanda, why she cared, especially after what she did, entering her mind, bringing back her worst memories, but still.
It didn’t take long for Natasha to locate Wanda and despite everything, it broke her heart to see her like that: her head on Pietro’s chest as her tears streamed down her face silently. She wasn’t sure what she would do or say as Wanda probably held them accountable for losing her brother, and in a way she was right. If Tony hadn’t created Ultron none of this would have happened. She also knew that Tony meant well but still.
Natasha sighed and approached them slowly, not wanting to startle Wanda, and not wanting to invade her final moments with her brother, but definitely not wanting her to be alone right now. She didn’t know what to say, she wasn’t very good at it, and the fact that she barely knew them didn’t help at all. Each person reacted differently to their grief, and Natasha had no idea how Wanda would react to her presence there.
“What?”
Wanda’s heavy accent and annoyed tone pulled her out of her thoughts. “Sorry, I just wanted to check on you.” Nat sighed, kneeling beside her.
“Why? Want to make sure I won’t use my powers to kill everyone in here?”
Natasha’s brow furrowed. Why would she think that?
“So?”
“I’m sorry.” Natasha shook her head. “No one here thinks you will do such a thing. I just- I’m not going to ask if you’re okay because that would be a really stupid question, I guess I just didn’t want you to be alone right now.” She shrugged.
“Why?”
“I won’t pretend I know how you’re feeling but I know the feeling of losing someone you loved.” Natasha said softly, more softly than she ever thought possible regarding Wanda but then her eyes flickered to Pietro’s body and well…
God, she was exhausted. She sat on the floor and leaned back, her whole body sore, her muscles complaining against the awkward position and the hard floor beneath her.
“So, what happens to me now?” Wanda asked after a minute.
“As far as I am concerned, you stay with us.” Natasha said, running a hand through her hair. “I mean, unless you don’t want to.”
“And where exactly would I go now?”
Natasha opened and closed her mouth a few times before settling for silence. She knew the implications of what Wanda said - she had lost everything, everyone. She didn’t have anywhere to go.
“I know.” Natasha exhaled deeply. “What I meant is that you don’t have to stay at the compound, or with us at all. I know that you hate us, that you hate Tony.” She bit her lip, thinking about the options. “I mean, I hope that despite everything, you decide to stay with us, but if not, then I’m sure Fury can help find a place for you.”
Natasha saw the surprise in the way Wanda’s eyes widened a bit at her words, at the way her brows rose, and she was surprised herself, but she realized that she meant it. Even if she was still mad at Wanda for invading her mind and making her relieve her worst memories, she knew what it was like to be completely alone and with nowhere to go, and she didn’t want that for her.
“You’re right, I don’t like Stark, but you and the others aren’t so bad.”
Natasha raised an eyebrow. That was new. And good, maybe. “What made you change your mind about us?”
“Your friend, the arrow guy, he could have let me die down there when I froze, but he didn’t. He saved me. He said that it didn’t matter what I did or who I was, and he didn’t blame me for what was happening. He said that I had the choice to stay hidden and he would send Pietro to get me but if I decided to fight, the moment I walked through that door I would be an Avenger.”
“Yeah, this is how Clint is.” Natasha smiled genuinely despite everything. “Look, what happened can’t be changed, unfortunately, so, if you decide to stay with us, I promise you that we won’t hold what happened in Sokovia against you. It is your fault as much as ours. But the moment you stepped out of that door, after Clint peeptalk, you became an Avenger and we will help you.”
“As long as Stark is not the one responsible for me, I’m okay with it.”
“Don’t worry, he won’t be.” Natasha smiled tiredly.
Before she could say anything else they felt the ship preparing to begin its descent for landing. As soon as the ship stopped they made their way to the higher levels. Natasha nodded as they walked past Fury and led Wanda into the compound.
“Nat! Wanda!” Clint’s voice stopped them as they were about to enter the building where the living area was. “Thank God you guys are okay.”
“I wouldn’t say okay, but we are alive.” Natasha said. “How are you?”
“I’ll be okay.” He smiled weakly. “Look, I spoke to Fury and he will take care of everything-” Clint gestured vaguely.
“Thank you.”
Wanda said absently and Nat could only imagine all the mixed emotions she was going through right now. She knew there wasn’t much they could do other than that but still.
“So, I’ll head to the farm, call me if you guys need anything.” Clint said when they remained silent.
“Thanks, Clint, we’ll do.” Nat smiled tiredly. “C’mon, Wanda, let’s find a room for you.” She put a hand on Wanda’s shoulder, not even realizing what she was doing until they started walking into the building.
Natasha led Wanda straight to one of the rooms, she could show the place around later.
“My room is just across the hall.” She pointed to a room with a closed door. “You will find average clothes in the dresser and everything you need in the bathroom if you want to take a bath. God knows I do.” Natasha exhaled shakily. “Just let me know if you need anything, ok?
“I guess you want your jacket back.” Wanda said flatly as she started to remove the item.
“You can keep it. It looks good on you.” Natasha stopped her movements gently.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I was just messing around back in the church.”
“Okay then.” Wanda smiled, pulling the jacket back.
Natasha nodded and went to her room. As soon as she closed the door behind her, she started removing her suit and went straight to the bathroom. She filled the bathtub and let her body sink in the hot water as all the feelings from that long week came crashing down on her.
She felt a mix of exhaustion, anger and sadness simmer beneath the surface, reminders of Ultron’s destruction, Bruce's departure, and the countless losses they had endured along the way. Yet, under it all, she couldn’t shake the nagging awareness of Wanda just down the hall.
Here was this girl - no, woman - who had lost so much in the span of a single battle. Her face, streaked with tears, haunted Natasha’s mind. It felt strange to feel protective toward her after everything. She wasn’t sure what had compelled her to sit by Wanda's side earlier, other than the raw understanding of how it felt to have no one, to feel like the world would swallow you whole in the quiet after a tragedy. That’s why she avoided being alone, because being alone made her think about life, and loss, and herself. And she hated it.
Inhaling deeply, Natasha sank a little deeper into the water, closing her eyes to let the warmth seep in. Her muscles started to loosen and she let herself relax a little bit. They had defeated Ultron, Strucker was dead, and for now they didn’t have any monsters or enemies to defeat, besides their own.
The images of the Red Room started to resurface and Natasha let out a long sigh. It would take her some time to push all those memories away again. She should be fuming at Wanda because of it, but for some reason she couldn’t put her finger on, she couldn’t bring herself to be really mad at her.
Once her skin began to prune, Natasha reluctantly got out, wrapping a towel around herself and padding barefoot across the floor to her room. She slipped into a loose shirt and sweatpants, and she glanced toward the door, wondering if Wanda was still awake. Maybe she should check on her? Just to make sure she was settled.
Before she could change her mind, Natasha crossed the hall and knocked lightly on Wanda's door. The soft rustle behind the door confirmed that Wanda's was still up, and after a moment, it cracked open.
"Natasha? Is everything okay?" Wanda’s eyes, still a little red, met hers, surprised but not displeased.
"Yeah, I-" Natasha scratched her neck. "I just want to check how you're settling in, if you need anything." She shrugged.
Wanda tilted her head, confusion all over her face but she stepped aside so Natasha could enter. She looked like she’d washed up too, hair damp, face scrubbed clean, but the sadness hadn’t left her eyes.
“I’m okay, considering everything, I guess.”
Natasha glanced around the room, knowing what she would find there; the plainness, the sparse, impersonal feel. She knew better than anyone how stark the compound felt to someone who wasn’t used to it, especially to someone grieving. Maybe she should take Wanda shopping, this way they could turn this cold room into something more like… home.
“I thought…” Natasha paused, weighing her words. “I thought maybe you’d like some company. The nights here can be pretty lonely.”
“I-” Wanda blinked, surprised. “Thank you, Natasha.”
Natasha did her best to ignore how her heart raced or how her stomach fluttered at the way Wanda said her name, with that heavy accent of hers and those big, enchanting, green eyes that seemed to see through her soul.
“Are you hungry? I can make something for us or we can order anything.” Natasha said, desperately wanting to change her thoughts to something else.
“I didn’t know you cook.”
“I know my way around the kitchen.” Natasha shrugged, trying her best to avoid Wanda’s inquiring eyes and the little grin on her lips. “C’mon, let’s see if there is anything we can put together as a meal or if the boys already eat it all.”
They left the room in silence, and Nat was glad that Wanda simply agreed. She could feel Wanda’s eyes roaming around the place as they walked through the corridors down to the kitchen.
“Of course you would be here.” Natasha teased as she saw Sam in the kitchen.
“Nat!” He smiled. “Oh, hi!” He said to Wanda. “I don’t think we were properly introduced. I’m Sam.”
“Hi, Sam.” She shook his hand. “I’m Wanda.”
“I’m sorry for your brother.”
“Thank you.”
Natasha watched the exchange in silence, attentive to Wanda’s reaction. She knew it could be overwhelming but she also knew that Sam was one of the most easy going among them all. It was easy to feel relaxed around him.
“So, is there anything to eat in this place or you and Steve have already finished everything?”
“Ouch.”
Natasha smiled and started going through the cabinets and the fridge in search of something to eat. “Hey, Wanda, how do you feel about mac and cheese?” She had no idea what Wanda liked but pretty much everyone she knew liked mac and cheese.
“I guess it’s okay.”
Natasha looked over her shoulder and offered a small grin to Wanda.
“I love mac and cheese.” Sam said, stuffing another bite of sandwich in his mouth.
“Aren’t you already eating?”
“I never say no to mac and cheese.”
Natasha only shook her head and grabbed everything she would need to put the meal together. She could feel Wanda’s eyes on her, curious, grateful and confused at the same time. It was a weird connection that she felt towards Wanda, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
“Hey, Sam, can you put the table, please?”
“Can I help?”
“Sure.” Nat smiled softly. “Sam, please, show her where everything is.”
Natasha watched them for a moment, and was grateful for how easy going Sam was. Maybe the fact that Wanda had not entered his mind was a plus for how good they were getting along but still.
"So when do we start training?" Sam asked as they ate.
"What training?" Wanda perked up.
“Fury wants Steve and I to train you guys, but I asked him for a few days so you can settle.” Natasha said. “Also you probably need new clothes and stuff.”
“Yeah, well, we destroyed my home to save the world, after all.”
Natasha sighed. She could feel all the mixed emotions in Wanda’s voice, and the worst part is that she was right. Of course, she would take the same decision over and over, but still.
After they ate, Wanda helped them to clean everything and excused herself back to her room. Natasha watched as she disappeared through the halls, not sure what to do next. Should she go after Wanda and actually make her some company or it was better to leave her alone for a while?
“So, I heard things were pretty rough for you guys there. Are you okay?”
For a second Natasha nearly jumped, but then she remembered Sam was still in the kitchen.
“Rough is an understatement but we’ll be okay.”
“She can really enter our minds…” Sam gestured vaguely.
“Yes, but I don’t think she’ll do this again unless it’s really needed.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I don’t know.” Natasha shrugged. “Maybe because I know what it is like to be in her position.”
“Fair enough.” Sam nodded. “Well, you should get some rest as well.”
“I will.”
(...)
Wanda closed the door behind her and let her body slide down to the ground. She pulled her legs up to her chest and let the tears she had been holding back finally fall down her face. Images of the last few hours played through her mind, over and over, as she tried to see what had gone wrong, how she could have let Pietro die, what she could have done, how she was all alone now; thrown into a country that wasn't hers, in a place surrounded by strangers. Strangers who she had hurt, in one way or another. Strangers who, despite having every right in the world, didn't seem angry with her.
Especially Natasha. She hadn't seen what memories it had awakened in her, when she entered her mind, but for some reason she didn't understand, Wanda could feel the weight of those memories, and she knew that it had affected Natasha deeply.
She wanted to apologize to Natasha for that, but she had no idea how to do it, and even less if it would be well received, even though Natasha had been nothing but kind to her since the walk to the compound. Wanda closed her eyes tightly and leaned her head against the door. Tears rolled down her face and sobs made their way to her throat, making her whole body shake.
In the space of just over twenty-four hours, she and Pietro went from villains to heroes, and that was how he died, but that was far from easing the pain, anger and sense of uselessness she felt at that moment. She couldn't even kill the person responsible for his death, since both Ultron and Strucker were already dead.
Wanda wished she could let her powers flow through her body, like she had done in the church, in Sokovia, but that wasn't possible here. She dug her nails into the fabric of the sweatpants, trying to control her powers and tried to focus her thoughts on something else, because she knew that if she kept thinking about Pietro she wouldn't be able to control her powers for much longer.
A flash of red hair and green eyes shone in her mind and then the memories of her brother were slowly being replaced by Natasha; the fight in the church was something that, despite the chaos of the moment, impressed Wanda, because unlike most of them Natasha didn't have special powers, nor special suits, she only relied on her skills, but that didn't make her less than them. She was relentless, precise, strong, and she still managed to be effortlessly attractive. Wanda opened her eyes, shocked by her own thoughts.
During all the years serving Hydra and with her mind focused on her revenge against Stark, Wanda never bothered to think about any kind of relationship, never even entertained the idea of getting involved with anyone, because honestly, who could she get involved with? Certainly not the men of Hydra. And among the citizens of Sokovia there was no one who really sparked her interest to the point of making her deviate from her target, from her revenge, but for some reason, ever since she had laid eyes on Natasha, that idea seemed to always be in the back of her mind, waiting to come to the surface.
"Wanda?"
A soft knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts and she lifted her head, staring at the door.
"Wanda, is everything okay? Are you okay?"
"I- I'm fine." She swallowed hard at the sound of Natasha's voice. "Why?"
"Nothing, just checking."
Wanda narrowed her eyes and her thoughts began to race through her mind. Had Natasha somehow felt her powers almost going out of control? Or had it been something else? Wanda hoped it wasn't either of those options, but if it had to be either, she prayed it was the former. She sighed heavily and got up from the floor, running a hand through her hair before opening the door. "I'm okay, see?"
She felt a chill run down her spine at Natasha's piercing gaze, at how her eyes slowly studied her; her face, her body. She knew Natasha was looking for any reaction from her that would indicate the opposite of what she had said, and Wanda was aware that she wasn't very good at hiding her feelings, but after a moment Natasha just nodded and her expression relaxed, giving way to a soft smile.
"Very well."
"Do you want to come in?" Wanda found herself saying.
Wanda felt her heart race when Natasha just arched her eyebrows and smiled, entering her room without saying anything. She waited, fidgeting with the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, while Natasha also seemed to be searching for words. From what little she had seen of Natasha, she seemed confident and determined, but standing there in the middle of her room with her arms crossed over her chest and biting her lip, Wanda realized there was much more beneath her tough surface.
"I was thinking we could go shopping tomorrow," Natasha said after a while. "Buy clothes and shoes and whatever else you need."
"Sure, I guess."
"Great, we'll leave after breakfast then."
Natasha smiled, and even though it was a genuine smile, Wanda could tell she was nervous.
"Okay."
"I'll be going then." Natasha gestured vaguely.
"Sleep well, Natasha."
"You too, Wanda." She stopped at the door and looked over her shoulder. "If you need anything, just knock on my door."
"Thanks."
As soon as the door closed behind Natasha, Wanda walked to the window and sat on the edge. The large glass window offered a breathtaking view of the compound and the vast greenery around it. She had no idea where the place was, but the view offered a certain calm to her turbulent thoughts, even more so after Natasha's visit.
Wanda couldn't quite understand why they, especially Natasha, were being nice to her after everything that had happened. Sure, Clint had said that from the moment she walked out that door she would become one of them, an Avenger, but she wasn't sure if everyone agreed with that. Especially Tony or Bruce, who happened to be missing. Possibly because of what she had done to his mind. She had seen the destruction the Hulk had caused, and it had been her fault, Wanda was fully aware of that. She knew he hated her, and if she was honest with herself, she expected that feeling from all of them, especially Tony and Natasha, who after Bruce, seemed to have been the most affected by her powers.
But since she had stepped onto the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship, Natasha had been nothing but kind to her, staying by her side and offering silent comfort as she cried over Pietro's body. Wanda felt the hot tears running down her cheeks again and decided that maybe it would be best to try to sleep, to get some rest. The day had been too long and she was too confused and tired to really think about anything. She just wanted to let herself be swallowed up by the pain of her brother's death.
(...)
Natasha stretched, every part of her body aching from the recent battles they had fought. Fighting against super sophisticated robots sucked. She groaned and sat up in bed, reaching for the bedside table in search of some pain medication. After taking the medication, Natasha got up and headed to the bathroom. A hot, relaxing shower would help.
As the hot water jet relaxed her muscles, Natasha thought about the day ahead; breakfast, then taking Wanda shopping and taking the opportunity to grab something to eat. After that she really didn't know what to do, as they had nothing planned for the next few days since everyone agreed that both Wanda and them needed a break.
Maybe she should take the opportunity to show Wanda some sights? But what exactly if Natasha didn't even know what she liked? She shook her head and focused on finishing the shower before the hot water ran out.
"Good morning, boys." Natasha said as she entered the kitchen and came face to face with Steve and Sam.
"Good morning, Nat." They smiled broadly.
"Steve made breakfast."
"Then I better grab something to eat on the way." Natasha joked, accepting the plate of eggs and bacon that Sam was pushing toward her. "Did Wanda come down for breakfast yet?"
"I'm here."
Natasha turned around, smiling broadly at the sound of Wanda's voice. "Hey." She took the plate that Sam had slid toward her and handed it to Wanda.
"Are you guys going somewhere?" Steve asked, looking between the two of them.
"I'm taking Wanda shopping, she needs clothes, girly stuff. You wouldn't understand."
"Oh, okay." Sam and Steve answered together and they laughed at their expressions of slight panic and embarrassment.
After breakfast, Wanda and Natasha went up to their rooms to get ready and met in the living room.
Natasha led them to the compound's vast garage and went straight to her favorite Corvette Stingray.
"Wow, that's-"
She turned with a mischievous smile at Wanda's surprised tone.
"You haven't seen anything yet, get in." Natasha winked and got in the driver's side.
Natasha sped up, showing off a little and laughing at Wanda's expression. They left the compound towards the city and in a short time they were in downtown New York. She knew the crowds there could be overwhelming, but it was also good for distracting, especially in Wanda's state. Natasha drove the car to a neighborhood that concentrated most of the stores with clothes in the style she thought Wanda would like, because from the little she had the chance to observe her, Natasha doubted she cared about designer labels and renowned brands.
She was pleased to see that she was right about that, and before long the two of them were carrying enough bags that they had to make a trip to the car. At first Wanda was reluctant to accept Natasha paying for everything, but with some talking she managed to convince Wanda.
"I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Natasha said as they loaded the last few bags into the car.
"I never knew shopping could make you so hungry."
"Right?" Natasha smiled. "Come on, let's get something to eat."
(...)
When they arrived back at the compound, they went straight to Wanda's room.
"So, did you have fun today?"
Natasha asked as she placed the bags next to her bed, and despite her tiredness, Wanda definitely felt a little lighter. Natasha's company was better than she could have imagined.
"I had a lot of fun today. Thank you, Natasha."
"You're welcome."
Natasha winked playfully, or rather tried to, which caused Wanda to smile softly.
"I really mean it."
"I know."
Natasha's expression changed from playful to more serious, but it was still gentle and soft. Wanda felt her heart race at the understanding she saw in Natasha's gaze, and she really couldn't comprehend how that was possible.
"Hey, talk to me."
Wanda felt like a thousand butterflies were flying inside her when Natasha took a step towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Her voice was soft and concerned, as was her gaze, and it left Wanda dizzy.
"I- I just- I don't understand why you, of all people, have been so kind to me."
Natasha smiled, and shook her head slightly. Her red hair falling slightly into her eyes. "Remember what Clint told you? It doesn't matter what you did, or who you were."
"Still." Wanda held her gaze. "I haven't seen the things I put you through, but I could feel the weight of the visions I caused you and it's overwhelming."
"You're right, it is overwhelming, but I've dealt with it once and I'll deal with it again." Natasha said gently. "My past is ugly and red, for the most part, but I got a second chance when I met Clint. And although your powers have brought up memories I would rather have remained buried deep inside, I refuse to let it dominate me."
Wanda wanted to ask, wanted to know about Natasha's past, the good and the bad. For some reason she didn't yet understand, she wanted to know every piece of that mysterious woman, but she knew it wasn't the time, and that if Natasha wanted, she would share of her own free will.
Natasha was so strong, so resilient. Wanda wanted to be a little like her, but most of the time she felt like she was drowning.
"How do you do it?" Wanda asked, her lips trembling slightly.
"How do I do what?" Natasha frowned.
"How do you stay so strong?"
Natasha chuckled and shook her head. "Do you think I'm strong?" Gently she took Wanda's hand and guided her to the edge of the bed. "I'm far from strong, but there are specific people I choose to show my vulnerability to."
Wanda nodded absently, too overwhelmed by all the things she was feeling at that moment. "Still, it's more than I can be right now," She said after a moment. "I feel like this wave washes over me, again and again. It knocks me down, and when I try to stand up, it just comes for me again and it’s just gonna drown me."
"Grief is a day-to-day process," Natasha said gently. "It's something that lasts a lifetime, I think."
Wanda noticed Natasha's gaze grow distant, and she wondered who she had lost.
"Grief, the worst of it, hits us when we least expect it. At first, we think that the loss of the person we love is something that will crush us, that pain in our chest, the feeling of numbness, the lack of will to do anything, but then all of that starts to become less and less and we move on with life. Until one day, something simple brings it all back, a thousand times worse."
Natasha used the back of her free hand to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall, and Wanda wished she could do it for her.
"The worst part of grief, of missing the person, is not the beginning. It's one day when you're doing something and you think 'he would like that.' or you see something on TV, hear a song, or anything really, and you immediately think of that person, you want to share it with them and they're not there. It never gets easier, but at least for me, grief comes from a place of love. It's a love that endures."
"You lost someone."
Wanda found herself saying. It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and Natasha looked at her for a moment before nodding.
"I know how you feel, and that's why I want you to know that you're not alone, okay?"
Wanda knew Natasha wouldn't go into details now, after all, they barely knew each other. She had been incredibly kind, but Wanda knew there were limits for now. And she was okay with that.
"Thank you, Natasha."
"Anytime."
(...)
As the days went by, things started to fall into place and return to a sense of normalcy. The new members' training began, and it was going better than Steve or Natasha had expected.
At first, Wanda had a little difficulty with the physical part of the training, the hours in the gym doing exercises and physical fights - usually with Natasha - but in a few weeks she got the hang of it.
Little by little they started doing some simple missions to see how the new members were performing, how they controlled their abilities and everything else, and both Sam and Wanda were doing very well.
Tony hardly showed up at the compound, which was a relief for Wanda. Natasha taught her how to drive, in addition to the Avenger training, but she still didn't feel comfortable driving around.
Thanksgiving was celebrated simply, just Wanda, Natasha, and Steve at the compound, although Clint had insisted that they go to the farm. Sam had spent the holiday with his sister and nephews.
The week before Christmas, Natasha finally gave in to Clint's insistence and agreed to go to the farm. She had convinced Wanda to go with her, also at Clint's insistence, and since he didn't want her to be alone at the compound.
They stopped in town to buy Christmas presents for the Bartons and from there they left for the farm.
"Are you sure it's okay for me to spend Christmas with you guys?" Wanda asked again.
Nat smiled, glancing sideways at her, not really taking her eyes off the road. She could feel the nervousness rolling off Wanda in waves.
"Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, Clint's sure too."
"Okay." Wanda said absently, fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt.
When Natasha parked near the main house, she barely had time to unbuckle her seatbelt before Lila was already running toward her, her small feet kicking up dirt and snow on the gravel path.
"Auntie Nat!"
Without hesitation, Natasha swung open the door and stepped out, instantly lifting the little girl into her arms. Lila's small body melted against her, and Natasha couldn't help but smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Ouch, you've gotten big, kiddo."
Lila giggled and wrapped her arms around Natasha’s neck, her cheek against Natasha's.
Natasha glanced over her shoulder at Wanda, who was still standing on the other side of the car, a little more reserved but watching them with a quiet smile. Natasha gave a subtle nod, inviting her closer.
"Lila, this is my friend Wanda," Natasha said gently, keeping her hold on the girl. "Say 'hi' to Wanda."
Lila pulled back slightly, giving Wanda a curious look before offering a shy but warm smile. "Hi."
The greeting was simple, but there was an undeniable softness in Lila’s voice, like she instinctively knew Wanda was someone safe.
"Hi, Lila."
There was something almost maternal in the way she spoke to the little girl, a tenderness Natasha hadn’t quite expected, but welcomed.
Before Natasha could say anything else, Lila tucked her face into her neck, her small arms tightening around her.
Natasha laughed quietly, and just then, a familiar voice broke through the moment. "Well, look who decided to show up!"
Natasha turned, smiling brightly at the sight of Laura standing on the porch with little Nathaniel in her arms, his eyes wide and curious as he stared at the newcomers.
"Hey, Laura," Natasha grinned, shifting Lila just slightly so she could wave.
Laura’s grin was warm, and her eyes were sparking with amusement. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten the way out here."
"Never," Natasha replied, her smile softening as she looked at the family she'd come to care for so much.
They approached the porch and Natasha set Lila down. Laura sent the little girl to get Clint and Cooper, who were in the barn tinkering with the old tractor.
Natasha wagged her fingers at Nathaniel, who immediately reached forward.
"Oh, look at you, all soft with kids. Who would have thought," Wanda said, but there was no malice in her voice, just genuine surprise.
Natasha felt her cheeks immediately flush. Even though she and Wanda had grown quite close since the events in Sokovia, this was the first time she had seen her outside the compound, so carefree and somehow vulnerable.
Natasha had told Wanda bits and pieces about her bond with Clint’s family, about the kids, but this was the first time Wanda had witnessed it firsthand. The surprise was there, quiet but clear.
"Oh, Nat here is such a softie," Laura teased.
Natasha lifted her head slightly, her eyes narrowing as she shot Laura a look. "Traitor," she muttered under her breath.
Laura just grinned, clearly enjoying the moment. "What? It's true."
Natasha rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth curled up despite herself. She’d always tried to keep her distance, maintain the tough exterior, but the Barton’s were more her family than she would ever admit out loud because saying it out loud would make it real and she couldn’t afford to lose another family.
Natasha met Wanda’s gaze, and held it for a moment. The way Wanda was looking at her made her feel things she never thought possible. Not with her past. She heard Lila’s and Cooper laughter as they approached them and this seemed to break the moment between them.
“I have my moments,” Natasha said with a small, playful smile.
"Nat! Wanda!"
Clint's voice made them turn and Natasha smiled widely. His eyes were shining with mischief and he glanced between her and Wanda with raised eyebrows and a knowing smirk. She narrowed her eyes at him, but Clint didn't even flinch.
"I'm glad you decided to join us." He hugged her tightly, and then hugged Wanda. "Let's go inside, it's getting cold fast."
Natasha smiled, feeling her heart warm at the ease of Clint's relationship with Wanda. It was as if he had taken on the role of big brother, mentor, or whatever it was he did, and it worked well. She noticed how the tension was slowly leaving Wanda's shoulders.
The inside of the house was warm and inviting; the fireplace was lit and there were a few toys scattered on the floor, papers and crayons spread out on the coffee table, a bottle, a baby blanket, and some half-eaten gingerbread cookies on a plate.
As they stepped inside, the warmth of the Barton’s home wrapped around Natasha and Wanda, bringing with it the scent of wood smoke, fresh pine, and something cinnamon-sweet baking in the kitchen. Wanda glanced around, a quiet curiosity softening her usual guarded expression. It was a side of her Natasha rarely saw; calm, open, almost like she was letting her guard down bit by bit.
Natasha caught her gaze lingering on the family photos lining the walls. Each picture told a story: Clint and Laura on their wedding day, Clint and Cooper covered in mud from some backyard project, Lila in a princess dress with a bright, toothy smile. Natasha nudged Wanda gently, pulling her out of her trance.
“Welcome to the chaos,” Natasha murmured with a soft smirk.
Wanda’s lips curved into a smile, her eyes still tracing over the photographs. “It’s…nice. Feels like home.”
Before Natasha could say anything, Clint reappeared with Cooper and Lila racing behind him, already caught up in some sibling rivalry and ran towards the kitchen, returning a second later. Cooper was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate, which Natasha was pretty sure Laura had spiked with vodka or whiskey.
"Mom said to give them to you guys, it'll help ward off the cold."
"She said, huh?" Natasha accepted the mugs and handed one to Wanda.
She ruffled Cooper's hair and he clung to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Natasha's smile softened and widened, and her gaze met Laura's over the boy's head. "Thanks." She lifted the mug slightly to Laura, who did the same from the kitchen.
Cooper beamed, his cheeks flushing slightly. Lila, never one to be outdone, immediately tugged at Natasha’s sleeve. “Auntie Nat, we made cookies for you!” She pointed proudly toward the kitchen, where Laura was pulling a fresh tray from the oven, the scent filling the entire room.
“Oh, you did, huh?” Lila nodded enthusiastically, running back into the kitchen and rocking back on her heels as Laura placed the cookies on a plate.
Clint appeared beside them, smiling proudly as he watched his children. He looked from Natasha to Wanda and smirked.
“Think you can handle that, Maximoff?”
Natasha snorted, a rare, carefree sound that seemed to make Wanda’s eyes brighten with curiosity, as if she wanted to hear it again and it made her heart skip some beats. Clint took that as his cue to clap his hands and rally everyone.
"Alright, alright, movie time! We need your votes: are we going classic Christmas, or one of those superhero movies Cooper keeps insisting are 'totally holiday-appropriate'?"
Natasha laughed, shaking her head. "Classic, definitely. I think we've all seen enough superheroes for now." There was a flicker of amusement on Wanda's face, something Natasha rarely saw.
The group made their way to the living room, where Laura had already transformed the space with blankets and pillows spread across couches and the floor. Lila made a beeline for Natasha, curling up beside her and resting her head on Natasha's shoulder as they settled in. Meanwhile, Cooper took the seat next to Wanda, stealing occasional glances her way as if she were something magical and rare and Natasha couldn't help but smile.
Once the movie started, the room grew quiet, the atmosphere softened by the flickering firelight and the comforting sounds of popcorn crunching. Wanda, sitting beside Natasha, seemed to lose some of her usual guarded tension, taking in the warmth of the room and this feeling of belonging that wrapped around them. Natasha felt Wanda’s shoulder brush hers lightly, the simple touch filling the space with an unexpected sense of peace that lingered between them as they watched the screen together.
(...)
The morning broke crisp and bright, sunlight gleaming off the fresh layer of snow that blanketed the Barton farm. Natasha was savoring her first sip of coffee when Lila and Cooper burst into the kitchen, voices ringing with excitement.
"Auntie Nat! Wanda! It snowed!" Lila squealed, her eyes wide with delight.
Natasha barely had a chance to respond before Cooper tugged on her sleeve. "You have to come out with us! It's perfect for sledding, or snowball fights, or building snow forts!"
Natasha opened her mouth, but Lila had already grabbed Wanda's hand, pulling her toward the door. "You can't say no. It's a rule!"
Wanda cast a helpless, amused glance at Natasha, wrapped up in Lila's enthusiasm. Natasha rolled her eyes, smothering a smile. "Alright, alright. Just bundle up. It's freezing out there."
Soon enough, they were trudging through the snow, boots crunching over the fresh powder as Cooper and Lila ran ahead, their laughter echoing across the fields. Natasha watched them, taking in the simple joy on their faces as they dashed ahead, caught up in the magic of the snowy morning.
Cooper sprinted ahead, immediately scooping up snow and forming snowballs in his gloved hands, while Wanda knelt down to help Lila pack the snow. Natasha noticed the way Wanda's face softened, absorbed in the task, her gloved fingers shaping smooth snowballs with surprising concentration. It wasn't often that Wanda allowed herself to let go like this, and Natasha couldn’t help but smile as she watched her friend so fully in the moment, mirroring Lila's delight.
"Nat!" Cooper called, pulling her from her thoughts.
His mischievous grin was a warning she caught just a second too late as a snowball flew through the air, hitting her square on the shoulder. Shaking her head with a chuckle, Natasha crouched down to form her own snowball.
"Oh, you're in for it now, Barton!" she called, tossing a snowball that landed perfectly on Cooper's back. He laughed, dodging behind a tree for cover, the game fully underway.
Natasha caught a glimpse of Wanda watching them, her eyes bright as she observed Natasha's rare carefree moment with the kids. Wanda's gaze held something soft and warm, an expression that Natasha couldn't help but feel a hint of pride in causing.
A small tug on her sleeve brought Natasha's focus to Lila, whose hands were attempting to form a snowball, her face lit up with mischief. Natasha smirked, joining in the playful plotting as she began packing another snowball, catching sight of Wanda doing the same.
Natasha's gaze sharpened the moment she noticed Wanda's smirk and the playful glint in her eye. Wanda narrowed her focus on Natasha, packing the snowball deliberately, and a thrill ran through Natasha, settling as a faint, unexpected chill down her spine. Her usual poise wavered, replaced by a surprising spark of anticipation at Wanda's challenge.
"Don't even think about it, Maximoff," Natasha warned, raising an eyebrow and taking a cautious step back, though she found herself almost wanting Wanda to ignore the warning.
"Oh, I'm thinking about it," Wanda replied, her smirk deepening.
Before Natasha could fully prepare, the snowball was already flying toward her, hitting her shoulder in a burst of cold powder that scattered through the air. Natasha laughed, a touch breathless, her heart pounding with the exhilaration of the moment.
For a second, she caught Wanda's gaze and felt her stomach flip. The teasing glint in her eyes felt like something more, something that Natasha didn't often feel; the thrill of letting her guard down, of giving in with someone she trusted.
Natasha laughed, and before Wanda could blink, she scooped up her own handful of snow, sending it flying in a perfect arc that landed squarely on Wanda's chest.
Wanda's laughter rang out across the open field, a sound so pure and unrestrained that Natasha felt herself pause, caught up in the warmth of it. A smile crept onto her face as she watched Wanda, taking in the sparkle of her eyes and the rare openness of her expression.
"Is that all you've got, Romanoff?" Wanda challenged, shaking the snow from her jacket and stepping closer, her eyes gleaming with excitement.
Natasha grinned, feeling her competitive side flare. "You really don't want to start a snow war with a spy."
"Oh?" Wanda arched an eyebrow, her smile widening, clearly calling Natasha's bluff.
That spark of challenge between them sent a thrill through Natasha, and she barely had time to react before they were fully immersed in a whirlwind of snowballs, laughter, and scrambling feet as they dodged and ducked around trees and snow piles.
Lila and Cooper joined in, adding to the chaos, and Natasha found herself caught off-guard more than once by their surprisingly accurate snow missiles. Somewhere in the madness, Cooper slipped, tumbling into the snow and sending Natasha down with him in a playful heap. She barely had time to process it before Wanda rushed over, laughter bubbling up as she offered her hand to Natasha only for Natasha to grin mischievously and pull Wanda down beside her, both of them collapsing into the snow with laughter echoing around them.
After a while, breathless and cheeks tinged pink from the cold, they lay back in the snow, gazing up at the pale blue sky as they caught their breath. Natasha listened to the sound of Wanda's breathing beside her, feeling strangely at ease. She glanced over, taking in the peaceful expression on Wanda's face, her closed eyes and faint smile.
"I think they wore us out," Natasha murmured, an amused warmth in her voice.
Wanda's smile grew, her eyes still closed. "I think I'll let them take the blame," she replied softly, her voice carrying a note of contentment that Natasha couldn't remember hearing before.
Lila and Cooper shared a victorious grin, scrambling to their feet and running toward the house with eager cries of "Hot chocolate time!" Lila shot, already halfway to the door.
As Natasha and Wanda got up, brushing the snow from their coats, Natasha noticed the way Wanda's gaze lingered on her, her eyes shining with a rare, easy happiness. She looked back at Wanda, feeling a strange but undeniable closeness.
"Thanks for indulging them," Natasha said, her voice warm and genuine. "It's been… nice, seeing you like this."
Wanda's smile softened, her eyes meeting Natasha's for a long moment. "I think it's been nice for me, too."
They walked back to the house together, snow clinging to their coats and boots, the quiet warmth of the moment stretching between them.
As they stepped into the living room, Laura took one look at them and shook her head with a knowing smile. "Alright, go take a hot shower and change your clothes. All of you," she added, giving both Natasha and Wanda a firm look.
They followed the kids upstairs, exchanging a bemused glance as they headed to freshen up. By the time they gathered in the kitchen, Laura had laid out steaming mugs of hot cocoa with fluffy marshmallows on top, the room warmed by the crackling fire.
As the afternoon slipped into evening, Clint suggested a round of Christmas movies, and soon the living room was bathed in the soft glow of twinkling lights and the warm flicker of the fire. Natasha settled in, feeling Wanda close beside her, sharing this quiet, festive peace as the day faded into a cozy night.
(...)
Wanda settled in next to Natasha on the couch, her side pressed warmly against Natasha's. Cooper snuggled up on Natasha's other side, while Lila, still a bit drowsy from the day's excitement, climbed onto Natasha's lap, wrapping herself up in her arms with a soft yawn. Wanda watched, her gaze softening at the sight. There was a gentleness in Natasha's movements, a tenderness Wanda rarely saw so openly, one that seemed to emerge only with this family.
On the other couch, Laura and Clint shared a quiet moment, with the baby nestled between them. Wanda's attention, however, remained fixed on Natasha. She felt something warm and deeply tender as she watched Natasha gently run her hand through Lila's hair, soothing her with a care that felt uncharacteristic but entirely genuine. It was as if each touch allowed Natasha to step into a peace that Wanda knew was rarely hers.
After a moment, Wanda leaned closer, her voice a soft murmur. "You’re good with her, you know."
Natasha glanced over, caught off guard but pleased by the comment. "I guess she brings out a different side of me."
Wanda smiled, her expression gentle. "I think it's just you. The real you."
Natasha didn't respond with words, but the way her eyes held Wanda’s gaze for an extra beat was more than enough. It was a vulnerable silence that said everything, and when Natasha finally looked away, Wanda felt a pang of both gratitude and sadness. She realized how much Natasha kept hidden, even from herself.
As the movie played, Wanda's attention drifted, returning again and again to the sight of Natasha with Lila asleep in her lap. She saw something rare there, a quiet hope in Natasha's eyes, a contentment that was so precious it took Wanda's breath away. Wanda's heart raced as unexpected thoughts of a family - a real, lasting family - entered her mind, not just for herself, but with Natasha.
Her chest tightened as she remembered a night at the compound, sitting out on the lawn with Natasha under the stars. Natasha had shared parts of herself that night, things Wanda hadn't known before. Stories of her childhood, of Yelena, her younger sister, who she hadn't seen in years; of a song that haunted her because of what it reminded her of; and of the cruelty of the Red Room that had stolen her chance to ever have biological children. Wanda knew she could never erase those scars or the memories Natasha carried. But she wished, with everything in her, that she could show Natasha that it was still possible to have a family - that maybe, together, they could build one.
(...)
The next morning, Natasha was jolted awake by a small whirlwind named Lila, who came barreling into the room she was sharing with Wanda, flinging herself right onto Natasha’s bed.
“Ouch,” Natasha groaned, her voice still thick with sleep. She wrapped an arm around Lila, pulling her down beside her. “Too early, kiddo.”
“Auntie Nat, we’re going to make gingerbread houses!” Lila’s excitement was infectious, and her eyes sparkled with it.
“Oh, God.” Natasha muttered, suddenly recalling all of Clint’s endless Christmas traditions. She had almost forgotten how many they packed into the days before Christmas.
“Come on, Auntie Nat. Mommy’s waiting!” Lila urged, tugging at her arm insistently.
Natasha sighed and finally blinked her eyes open, realizing there was no way she’d be able to coax a few more minutes of sleep. “Alright, alright. Let’s go.” She pressed a quick kiss to Lila’s forehead before reluctantly getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom to wash up.
When she emerged, she noticed Lila had now cozied up in Wanda’s bed, eagerly chatting to her about gingerbread houses. Wanda’s gaze met Natasha’s, warm and amused, and Natasha offered a sheepish smile in return.
“Good morning, Nat,” Wanda greeted as she stood up and made her way to the bathroom.
“Morning.” Natasha felt her cheeks warm slightly. “Sorry about the... wake-up call,” she said, nodding toward Lila, who was watching them with open curiosity.
Wanda smiled, shrugging off the apology. “No problem.”
“Auntie Nat, come on!” Lila tugged insistently, and Natasha allowed herself to be pulled down the stairs toward the kitchen.
Once there, Laura greeted her with a guilty smile. “I swear I tried to hold her off for another hour.”
“Nah, it’s fine,” Natasha assured her, stifling a yawn as she adjusted to the early hour.
“Here.” Clint appeared at her side, handing her a mug of steaming coffee. “Where’s Wanda? Still sleeping?”
“As if that was an option,” Natasha laughed, taking a grateful sip. She felt herself starting to wake up with each sip of the hot coffee.
A few minutes later, Wanda joined them, looking just as cozy and a little more awake. Natasha quickly poured her a mug of coffee, handing it to her with a smile. The kitchen was soon alive with the clattering of dishes and the laughter of kids, as they gathered the supplies to start their gingerbread creations.
While everyone else was busy assembling pieces and attempting not to eat half of the icing, Clint took charge of breakfast. The warm aroma of eggs, bacon, and pancakes mingled with the rich smell of coffee and fresh juice, filling the kitchen with a cozy warmth.
“Alright, construction break for breakfast!” Clint called, setting plates down and wiping his hands on a dish towel.
The kids practically inhaled the food, barely pausing to chew as they wolfed down their breakfast, eager to get back to their creations. Natasha exchanged an amused look with Laura as Clint went about clearing the table, and Laura quickly reset the gingerbread supplies so the kids could dive back in.
Natasha couldn’t help but glance at Wanda over the top of her coffee mug, catching her eye with a soft smile. It felt good to be here, in this warm little chaos, sharing these small moments - moments that felt almost like they belonged to a family. And as Wanda smiled back, Natasha felt a warmth that went deeper than the coffee she was holding.
Natasha and Wanda joined Laura and the kids at the table, where bowls of vibrant icing and candy decorations waited to be used. Natasha settled into the task, carefully piping a line of frosting along a gingerbread wall, but her attention kept drifting to Wanda, who was completely absorbed in her work. Wanda's brows furrowed in concentration as she placed gumdrops in precise rows, oblivious to everything else.
A small smirk tugged at Natasha’s lips. “You’re really into this,” she murmured, leaning in just enough to tease.
Wanda looked up, her cheeks instantly flushing, and Natasha's smirk softened into a grin.
After a while, the table became a delightful mess of scattered sugar, crumbs, and half-eaten gumdrops. Flour hung in the air like a soft cloud as the kids’ laughter echoed through the room. Lila proudly held up her sticky, icing-coated fingers, grinning from ear to ear. “Look, Auntie Nat! I made a mess!”
Natasha chuckled, gently ruffling Lila’s hair. “That’s the best part of it, kiddo.”
Laura’s laughter caught Natasha’s attention, and she glanced over, confused, only to see Laura motioning toward her own cheek. “Nat, you’ve got a little something…” Laura gestured vaguely at her own face.
Before Natasha could react, Wanda noticed it too and reached over instinctively, her thumb brushing softly against Natasha's cheek as she wiped the flour away. The touch lingered a second longer than necessary, and Natasha found herself frozen, her eyes meeting Wanda’s. Her gaze drifted to Wanda's lips, and for a moment, her breath stilled as they both seemed to forget the world around them.
“Uh… there,” Wanda murmured, her voice barely a whisper, her cheeks flushing as she finally pulled her hand away.
Just then, a shriek of laughter brought them back to reality. Natasha turned to see that Cooper and Lila had somehow managed to shower each other with a handful of flour, their hair now dusted white. Natasha let out a soft laugh, glancing back at Wanda with an amused smirk. “Looks like we’re going to have to clean up after these two troublemakers.”
“Oh, no, you two,” Laura cut in, her own laugh barely contained. “Clint, take your kids to the bath now. They’re done here.”
“Oh, so when they’re covered in flour, they’re my kids?” Clint shot back, shaking his head.
“Mom, we promise to behave!” Cooper added, pulling his best puppy-dog eyes.
Natasha chuckled as Laura shot her a knowing look. “I wonder who he learned that from,” Laura teased, aiming a pointed look at Natasha. “Alright, but if there’s one more mess, it’s over for both of you.”
Cooper and Lila exchanged triumphant high-fives and went back to decorating their gingerbread houses with renewed focus.
Laura shook her head, glancing at Clint. “Clint, dear, can you give Nathaniel his bottle?”
“On it.” He wiped his hands on his apron, going off to prepare the bottle.
The warmth of the moment lingered as they all continued decorating, laughter filling the air along with the sweet scent of gingerbread. Natasha couldn’t help but steal glances at Wanda every now and then, her heart softening at the way Wanda’s face lit up with laughter around the kids. For the first time in what felt like ages, Natasha felt… at peace. Something about this felt wonderfully right, and she couldn’t shake the quiet hope that maybe, just maybe, she could belong have this too.
(...)
The rest of the day was peaceful, Cooper went to help Clint work on the tractor so he wouldn't end up getting into trouble because of the cold while Wanda and Natasha were dragged to the living room by Lila.
The little girl handed them some sheets of paper, colored pencils and crayons and with a pointed look indicated that they should sit next to her to draw.
Laura joined them soon after, gently rocking Nathaniel to sleep.
The hours passed quickly and in the early evening they sat at the table for dinner. Then, as in the previous days, they gathered in the living room for another classic Christmas movie.
Clint helped Laura carry the bowls of popcorn, mugs of hot chocolate and cider into the living room while Natasha and Wanda helped Lila and Cooper get the room just the way they liked it.
Cooper slurped his hot cocoa loudly, prompting a chorus of giggles from Lila and a roll of Clint's eyes. "Seriously, kid, where are your manners?"
"I learned them from you," Cooper shot back with a grin.
Wanda chuckled, her eyes meeting Natasha's for a second. She felt her heart race and her stomach felt like as if there was butterflies inside. She hadn't realized just how much she missed this feeling; being part of something whole, something good. She was so lost in thought that she nearly missed it when Natasha squeezed her hand, the smallest reassurance, and her eyes met Natasha's, catching that familiar glint of mischief in her gaze.
"Want to help me with a refill?" Natasha whispered, giving Wanda's hand a gentle tug as she rose.
"Sure." Wanda followed her into the kitchen, away from the cozy chaos of the living room.
Once they were out of earshot, Natasha leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "Are you okay? I thought you were a little overwhelmed just now." She said, her eyes studying Wanda with concern.
"I'm fine, Nat. Thanks for caring tho."
"Really? We can call it a night and go to the bedroom if you want."
"I do feel overwhelmed sometimes, yes, but in a... good way, I guess."
"Okay, let me know if you change your mind, okay?"
"Alright."
Natasha held Wanda's gaze for longer than necessary.
"Is it weird that I never expected you to be so…" Wanda searched for the right word, one that would capture the side of Natasha she'd been witnessing those past days; soft, unguarded, even playful.
"Human?" Natasha offered, her smile crooked, playful but with an edge of vulnerability.
"Real," Wanda corrected softly. "I mean, ever since I arrived at the compound you've been amazing to me, always around, worried about me, and you've shared more things with me than I ever thought possible, but at the same time you've always remained a little distant, reserved. It’s nice to see this side of you."
Natasha felt her smirk dissolve into something softer, her expression turning reflective as she glanced down, weighing her words. “I didn’t think you’d want to see this side of me.” Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet, a hint of uncertainty in it, as if she wasn’t used to admitting something so vulnerable aloud.
Wanda took a small step closer, and Natasha noticed the way her gaze softened, her own walls beginning to crumble. “Actually,” Wanda murmured, her voice steady yet gentle, “I think this is exactly what I needed to see.”
Natasha held Wanda’s gaze, feeling a tangible connection that had simmered for too long, something raw and undeniable surfacing between them. Away from missions and façades, it felt real here. For once, there was no armor, just them. The sounds of laughter drifting in from the living room barely registered in her mind; she wasn’t ready to let go of this moment yet.
She let out a soft laugh, one that felt vulnerable even to her own ears. “This might sound ridiculous, but… thanks for being here. I didn’t know if you’d actually come.”
“I almost didn’t,” Wanda admitted, her voice just above a whisper, an honest softness in her eyes. “But I’m glad I did.”
They stood there in the silence that followed, Natasha unable to resist lifting her hand to brush a loose strand of hair behind Wanda’s ear. The gesture was gentle, lingering in a way she hadn’t anticipated, as if savoring the tenderness of the moment. Her pulse raced at the touch, especially when Wanda’s eyes widened slightly, and Natasha felt a warmth spreading in her chest that had nothing to do with the cider.
But the spell was broken when the kitchen door swung open, and Clint waltzed in, oblivious to the tension he’d interrupted. “Hey, you two, you’re missing the best part! Santa’s about to-” He stopped mid-sentence, glancing between them and scratching his chin. “Am I… interrupting something?”
Natasha cleared her throat, quickly dropping her hand, her laugh coming out just a bit too casual. “Nope, just… catching up.”
Wanda looked away, her cheeks flushed, clearly trying to hide the faint blush creeping up. Clint just grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Alright, then. Don’t take too long; we’ve got more popcorn waiting.” With a wink, he disappeared back into the living room.
Natasha huffed, shaking her head as she muttered, “He’s like a big kid sometimes.”
They filled their mugs with fresh cider and made their way back to the others. When they settled back onto the couch, Natasha found herself instinctively draping her arm over the back of the couch, her hand resting just behind Wanda’s shoulders—a gesture that felt casual, but in truth held an unspoken promise of protectiveness. Wanda leaned back slightly, just close enough that Natasha could feel her warmth, her pulse quickening at the sensation, and for once, Natasha let herself enjoy the comfort of their closeness.
As the movie drew to a close, Natasha watched as Laura smoothly began herding the kids toward bed, Lila putting up a sleepy protest. Natasha leaned down, brushing a gentle kiss on Lila’s forehead and speaking softly, “I’ll be here in the morning, okay? Go get some sleep.”
Once the kids were tucked in, Clint and Laura returned to the living room with the kind of satisfied sighs that come with a quiet, winding-down evening. The room had dimmed, leaving only the soft golden glow of the fire casting shadows across their faces.
“How’s training been, Wanda?” Laura asked, curiosity evident in her tone as she wrapped her hands around her mug. “Nat’s been saying you’re really getting the hang of things.”
Natasha felt warmth in her chest as Wanda glanced over at her, a little shy, as though gauging her reaction. “It’s… intense, but in a good way, I think,” Wanda replied thoughtfully. “I’m learning more about focus, and it’s been helping a lot.”
Natasha couldn’t hold back, giving Wanda’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze. “She’s being modest,” she chimed in, pride evident in her voice. “You’ve come a long way. Pretty soon, you’ll have Rogers eating your dust.”
Clint raised an eyebrow, looking impressed. “Really? That’s high praise coming from Romanoff.” He nodded at Wanda, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Guess you’re tougher than you look, huh?”
Natasha watched Wanda chuckle, a quiet warmth filling her gaze as she took in Natasha’s words. “I have a good teacher. Besides, it’s nice to have something to work toward. Keeps me grounded,” she said with a confidence that had been growing steadily over the past weeks.
Laura’s expression softened as she looked at Wanda. “Well, it’s good to hear. And I have to say, you’ve seemed so much happier lately. I’d say it’s working for you.” She winked at Wanda before her gaze drifted to Natasha, a knowing smile tugging at her lips. “I think Nat might have a little something to do with that too.”
Natasha could feel a slight blush warming her cheeks, but she rolled her eyes playfully. “Let’s not give me too much credit. Wanda’s the one putting in the work. I’m just… there when she needs a little push.”
“Oh, you’re there alright,” Clint teased, his eyes glinting with amusement as he shared a look with Laura. “Can’t say I’ve seen you this dedicated to ‘pushing’ someone, Nat.”
Natasha chuckled, relaxing into the gentle teasing as Wanda turned to her with a playful glint in her eyes. “To be fair, you’re a pretty great ‘pusher,’” Wanda teased, nudging Natasha’s shoulder lightly.
“Well,” Natasha replied, letting out a soft laugh, “if I’m going to be a pusher, might as well be the best, right?” She held Wanda’s gaze, her smile turning softer, her voice lowering. “But you make it easy.”
The glow of the fire reflected in Wanda’s eyes, and Natasha found herself lost in their warmth until Clint cleared his throat with exaggerated volume. “Alright, lovebirds,” he said, grinning. “Are we just going to sit here staring into each other’s eyes, or can I get someone to help me with the marshmallows for s’mores?”
Laura laughed, swatting him playfully. “Way to kill the vibe, Clint. But yes, let’s do s’mores.”
Natasha watched Wanda grin as she rose, her eyes dancing. “I’ll help you grab the marshmallows, Clint. Natasha, you coming?”
Natasha leaned back against the couch, smirking up at Wanda with an affectionate, mischievous smile. “I’ll be right here, keeping your seat warm. Don’t take too long.”
She caught the slight flush of Wanda’s cheeks and the smile they shared before Wanda headed to the kitchen with Clint, their laughter trailing into the next room. Natasha couldn’t help but smile, warmth blooming in her chest at the sound.
Laura shook her head, a fond smile on her face as she watched them go before she turned to Natasha, eyes full of quiet understanding. “You know,” she began softly, “you and Wanda… you make sense together.”
Natasha felt her breath hitch, her gaze drifting to the kitchen where Wanda’s laughter still echoed. “We’re not… we’re not—”
“Nat,” Laura said gently, “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I’ve never seen you like this with anyone.”
Natasha swallowed, feeling a confession clawing its way to the surface, something she’d tried to suppress. “It’s stupid, Laura. Letting my guard down like this… but I can’t help it with her.”
Laura’s voice was soft, reassuring. “It’s not stupid, Nat.”
“But you know my past.” Natasha’s voice was barely a whisper. “There’s no way I could ever have something… normal.”
“Good thing Wanda’s far from normal, isn’t she?” Laura said with a gentle smile, her eyes warm with understanding.
Natasha shook her head, her voice strained. “It wouldn’t work.”
Laura sighed, giving Natasha a knowing, patient look. “Just… think about it, okay?”
(...)
As the others drifted off to bed, Natasha stayed behind, lingering in the quiet with Wanda beside her. Their shoulders brushed as they sat on the couch, the firelight casting warm, flickering shadows over the room. Natasha could feel the heat radiating from Wanda’s hand, resting so close to hers, close enough that the small distance between them felt charged.
Without fully deciding to, Natasha found herself leaning closer. The weight of everything unspoken, everything she’d tried to ignore, pressed heavily on her chest. She could feel the warmth of Wanda’s presence, the soft, steady rhythm of her breathing.
"Wanda," she murmured, her voice barely more than a whisper, the word heavy with so much she didn’t know how to express. "You… you make me feel—" She faltered, uncertain. No words felt right, no way to truly say what was pounding in her chest.
But Wanda’s eyes softened, her gaze unwavering, silently urging Natasha to let down the last of her walls. It was an invitation, one that Natasha didn’t realize she’d been waiting for until she was already leaning in. Before doubt could take over, she closed the distance between them, her lips meeting Wanda’s in a gentle brush. But that initial softness, that tentative touch, was quickly replaced by a heat Natasha could no longer deny.
Wanda responded without hesitation, her hand sliding up to Natasha’s cheek, her thumb tracing a slow, steady path along her jaw. That small gesture undid her completely, and Natasha felt herself deepen the kiss, a barely controlled need taking over as their lips moved in sync, more intense, more consuming than she’d imagined. The fire crackled beside them, but it was nothing compared to the heat that spread through her body, lighting up every nerve, every cell.
It was everything Natasha had wanted and everything she’d been afraid of—a connection that was raw, fierce, and unguarded. Wanda’s hand moved to the back of her neck, pulling her closer, her fingers threading through Natasha’s hair, and the intensity of it, the sheer honesty of what she was feeling, made something inside Natasha twist.
Abruptly, she pulled back, breaking the kiss with a shuddering breath. She could feel her pulse pounding in her ears, her heart hammering against her ribcage, a familiar panic clawing its way to the surface. She felt like she was splintering apart, the weight of her past pressing down on her, reminding her of all the reasons she shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be feeling this.
“Nat?” Wanda’s voice was soft, laced with concern and something deeper that Natasha wasn’t sure she could handle. That depth, that vulnerability, only made the fear sharper.
“I- I can’t,” Natasha managed, her voice shaky and barely audible. She pushed herself to her feet, running a hand through her hair in a desperate attempt to steady herself. She could feel everything slipping out of her control, every carefully built wall crumbling. The memories, the training, the missions - all the years she’d spent pushing people away came crashing back, louder and more insistent.
“I’m sorry, Wanda,” she said, each word a painful effort. “I don’t… I don’t do relationships.” Her voice broke, and she could feel the sting in her chest, the realization that she was hurting Wanda. But the fear was overwhelming, a tidal wave of everything she’d tried to bury for so long, and it left her no room to think, no space to breathe.
Without another word, Natasha turned and hurried to the door, her footsteps heavy in the silence of the house. She didn’t dare look back, didn’t want to see the hurt in Wanda’s eyes. All she could do was escape, feeling the memories clawing at her, threatening to pull her under as she stepped out into the cold night, her heart pounding and her mind reeling.
Just as Natasha’s fingers brushed her coat, Clint’s voice cut through her resolve. “Nat.”
She froze, feeling her heartbeat thundering in her chest. Clint stood in the doorway, his gaze unwavering, the look in his eyes both gentle and firm.
“You’re really going to walk away from this?” he asked quietly, his voice calm but carrying an undeniable weight. He stepped closer, his face a mix of understanding and expectation. “You know, you’re not the only one with a past, Nat. Wanda’s been through hell too. But here she is, willing to take a chance on you.”
Natasha swallowed, her throat tight as she processed his words. “I don’t want to hurt her, Clint,” she whispered, her voice raw with honesty. “I don’t even know if I can be what she needs.”
Clint’s expression softened, his eyes full of warmth that only a best friend could carry. “You don’t have to be perfect, Nat. Wanda doesn’t need you to be anything other than yourself. And from where I’m standing, that’s more than enough.”
She looked down, her mind a storm of doubts, but Clint’s words seemed to ground her. She realized, with a painful clarity, that maybe - just maybe - she did deserve this. Deserved Wanda. Her jaw tightened as she absorbed his words, feeling memories surface in her mind, fragments of her past - years of survival, of running, of pushing everyone away so she wouldn’t have to face her own heartache. The idea that someone could see her past and still care for her, still want her, felt foreign, but here was Wanda, offering her something she hadn’t dared to hope for.
Clint’s hand settled on her shoulder, the weight both comforting and firm. “Talk to her,” he urged. “You don’t have to have all the answers. Just… talk to her.”
Natasha stood by the door, Clint’s words lingering in the quiet, a steadying force as she considered what she was about to leave behind. She had always run, always turned her back on anything that felt like home. But standing here, with Clint’s words echoing in her mind, she realized that running hadn’t kept her safe - it had only left her alone. Wanda had opened her heart to her, despite everything she’d been through, and it was courage Natasha hadn’t seen in anyone before. It was time, maybe, to stop letting her fear control her.
Taking a deep, unsteady breath, she let her hand fall away from her coat. Clint gave her an encouraging nod, the quiet support of a friend who had known her through it all. She nodded back, a silent acknowledgment, and without another word, turned toward the room she was sharing with Wanda, a newfound determination guiding her steps.
As Natasha approached the doorway, she found Wanda still there, her gaze fixed on the dimming embers of the fire, her expression difficult to read but so achingly familiar. The warm light danced across her face, illuminating that quiet strength, that gentleness that Natasha couldn’t resist.
“Wanda,” Natasha said softly, her voice raspy and filled with vulnerability she didn’t recognize.
Wanda turned, her eyes catching Natasha’s, reflecting both vulnerability and hope. It was a look Natasha had come to cherish, one that made her realize just how deeply she was in this. How far gone she was already.
“I’m sorry,” Natasha whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I… I’ve spent so long keeping people at a distance. But you…” She swallowed, feeling her own defenses crack. “You’re the first person I can’t seem to push away, no matter how hard I try. And that scares me. Letting someone in like this… it’s not something I know how to do.”
Wanda took a step forward, closing the distance with that unwavering gaze. “Then don’t,” she murmured, her voice warm and soft, coaxing Natasha closer. “Let me in, Natasha. I know you’re scared, but I’m here. You’re not alone in this.” She raised a hand, cupping Natasha’s cheek, her touch featherlight but grounding.
The tenderness in Wanda’s eyes, in her touch, undid Natasha entirely. She felt a tear slip down her cheek, the walls she’d held for so long dissolving in the warmth of Wanda’s touch. Her fingers trembled as she reached up, holding Wanda’s hand as if it was the lifeline she hadn’t known she’d needed. “I’m scared, Wanda,” she admitted, her voice breaking, barely above a whisper. “I’m scared of letting myself love you, and even more of losing you. Everyone I let in either dies or disappears. I can’t…”
Wanda’s grip on her hand tightened, a quiet promise in that simple touch. “I’m not going anywhere.” Her thumb stroked softly over Natasha’s knuckles, grounding her. “You don’t have to be perfect, Nat. I don’t need you to be anything other than right here, with me.”
Natasha exhaled slowly, relief washing over her as her fingers laced through Wanda’s, feeling as if they’d always belonged there. “I’m done running,” she murmured, her voice quiet but resolute.
Their eyes met, and in that gaze, Natasha found all the courage she’d never been able to find within herself. Slowly, she leaned in, closing the distance, capturing Wanda’s lips in a kiss that held all her fears, all her hopes, and every unspoken promise between them. This kiss was different. It was deeper, free of hesitation, her emotions pouring into each movement, each second. Natasha’s hand found its way into Wanda’s hair, pulling her close, her need fierce, unapologetic. Wanda’s arms wrapped around her, drawing her in as if she, too, had been waiting for this, for them, for so long.
The kiss intensified, Natasha pouring herself into it, letting her guard drop completely, allowing herself to be vulnerable in Wanda’s arms. Her fingers twisted deeper into Wanda’s hair, and Wanda’s hand trailed up her arm, soft but firm, grounding her. Natasha felt as if she was coming alive, like every part of her had woken up, drawn into Wanda’s warmth, her steadiness. When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless, their foreheads pressed together as they held each other close.
Natasha looked into Wanda’s eyes, her heart pounding, and saw the same fire, the same need that mirrored her own. Unable to resist, she cupped Wanda’s face, bringing her in for another kiss, more intense, almost desperate, as months of unspoken tension gave way. It was an ache she could feel in her chest, a need she hadn’t let herself feel for so long, and she surrendered to it completely.
As Natasha looked into Wanda’s eyes, she saw that same fire, that same unrestrained desire, mirroring her own. The weight of everything they'd held back, the longing, the fear, and the inevitability, all of it seemed to rise to the surface. Without a second thought, she pulled Wanda in, capturing her lips in a kiss that went beyond tenderness, beyond anything she had ever let herself feel.
This kiss was no longer tentative or questioning; it was a fierce, consuming need, her hands finding Wanda's waist and pulling her closer, as if she needed her as much as she needed air. Wanda responded in kind, her fingers slipping into Natasha's hair, tugging her closer as their lips moved together in perfect sync, every touch feeling like fire running through her veins, something primal. Natasha could feel her heart pounding and she was pretty sure Wanda could hear it too.
Their movements grew frantic, both of them losing themselves in the moment. Natasha could feel Wanda’s soft gasp against her lips as her hands roamed Wanda’s back, gripping the fabric of her shirt, anchoring herself in this moment. They stumbled slightly as they edged toward the bed, neither willing to break the kiss, not even for a second. Natasha barely registered the feel of the mattress at the back of her knees before they tumbled down together, Wanda's soft laugh breaking through, only for Natasha to capture it with another kiss, deeper, more unrestrained.
Their limbs tangled, hands exploring as they gave into the intensity they had held back for so long. Natasha ran her fingers through Wanda’s hair, tilting her head to deepen the kiss, feeling Wanda’s warmth, the way her body pressed against hers. She could feel Wanda’s heartbeat, as frantic as her own, their breaths mingling as they finally gave in, letting the world fall away.
Wanda's hands skimmed Natasha’s shoulders, tracing a path down her arms, her touch gentle but charged with electric energy, sending shivers through her. Natasha couldn’t hold back a soft, involuntary gasp as Wanda’s lips found her neck, trailing heat along her skin, igniting something deeper, hungrier. She pulled Wanda even closer, their bodies pressing together as they moved in sync, both of them surrendering completely to the moment, to each other, letting themselves finally fall into what had been waiting for so long.
When they finally parted again, Natasha held Wanda close, her forehead resting against hers as she caught her breath. Wanda traced gentle, reassuring patterns along her arm, anchoring her.
“So…” Wanda whispered, her voice tinged with that same vulnerability Natasha knew was on her own. “We’re really doing this?”
Natasha nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah,” she murmured, her voice shaky. “We’re doing this. I mean, unless you don’t want it, which is totally okay.”
“Natasha.”
“Yes?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
Natasha felt her heart race, every part of her body vibrating with the determination in Wanda's voice. In her entire life, it was the first time she had gone to bed with someone not because of some stupid mission, but because she really wanted to, because she felt something for the person who was with her at that moment. And that scared Natasha more than she could admit. She closed her eyes tightly, pushing those thoughts away and focusing on the feeling of Wanda's lips against hers, on the way her hands slid tentatively over her shoulders and arms until they reached her waist and even more tentatively, slid under her blouse, gently brushing her skin.
Her touch was warm and intoxicating and Natasha couldn't contain a moan when Wanda's lips found the skin of her neck again, biting lightly. Her hips rocked involuntarily against Wanda's, who was sitting on her lap, one leg on either side of her. Natasha abandoned all caution at that moment and slid her hands under the sweater Wanda was wearing, lightly scratching her back. She smiled in satisfaction at the moan that escaped Wanda's lips and did it again, gasping when Wanda ground her hips against hers.
"Fuck." Natasha moaned as Wanda bit and then licked her pulse point.
"I think that's what we're about to do, huh?"
"Oh, God." Natasha felt her panties get even wetter at the sound of Wanda's voice, husky and full of desire.
"Wanda will be enough."
Natasha's eyes met Wanda's and in them was a silent plea. Nat nodded, and lifted herself just enough for Wanda to remove her shirt. She was always very confident about her body, but when she saw Wanda's gaze, so raw, so intense and filled with true desire mixed with something else, Natasha felt her cheeks burn.
"You're so beautiful." Wanda whispered and leaned in to kiss her again.
Natasha moaned softly against Wanda's lips as her hands explored her exposed skin tentatively but determinedly. It was almost impossible to keep her moans down, but she knew they couldn't make too much noise, for the sake of the children in the same hallway as them.
Natasha bit the back of her hand hard to suppress a moan as Wanda's lips reached her breast. She had never experienced anything like this, a desire so intense, so true, so raw. And she needed to feel Wanda's skin against hers.
Natasha slid her hands to the hem of Wanda's sweater and with a silent request removed the garment. She took a moment to appreciate Wanda's beauty, feeling her mouth water at the sight that graced her eyes. Tentatively she slid her hands down Wanda's belly to her breasts, squeezing gently.
A low moan escaped Wanda's lips, and Natasha rose, kissing her with a desire she never thought possible. With a quick movement Natasha reversed their position and wasted no time began to distribute kisses along Wanda's jaw and neck, until she reached her breasts.
"So beautiful." Natasha whispered and her eyes met Wanda's again, with another silent request.
When she nodded, Natasha got rid of their jeans, and along with them their panties, eliminating any barrier between them. They moaned into each other's lips as their bodies touched for the first time, hips rocking against each other in a desperate search for contact, for friction.
Natasha slid one leg between Wanda's and nearly came right then and there at how wet she was. "Fuck, Wands."
"I need-" Wanda swallowed, her hips jerking.
"What do you need?" Natasha teased, rocking her hips slowly against Wanda's wet pussy.
"I need you, Nat."
That was enough to get Natasha moving, another time she would tease Wanda to the limit, but she needed it just as much and didn't want to waste time with games. Hopefully they would have plenty of other opportunities for that.
Gently, Natasha slid a finger inside Wanda, both of them moaning at the sensation. She began to move her finger slowly, and when she felt that Wanda was comfortable enough, she slid another one in. A louder moan escaped Wanda's lips and Natasha swallowed it with a kiss.
She moaned against Wanda's lips when she felt her slide a finger inside her and Natasha never thought it was possible to feel so much pleasure. Not really, and it was embarrassing how close she was to cumming.
Soon they found the perfect rhythm and their moans were muffled by the intense kisses as their bodies moved in perfect synchrony. It didn't take long for them to cum together, and that was, without a doubt, one of the best sensations Natasha had ever felt in her life.
As they lay together, Natasha realized she had never felt so vulnerable yet so completely safe, wrapped in the warmth of Wanda's touch, her hands on her skin, her breath brushing softly against her neck. It was as if every unspoken fear, every moment of hesitation, had melted away, leaving only the trust and certainty that whatever happened, they were here, together, completely lost in each other.
And as the night stretched on, Natasha allowed herself to fully surrender to the moment, letting go of every doubt and opening herself to Wanda in a way she never had with anyone else, trusting her completely, feeling the depth of their connection, and knowing that this was exactly where she was meant to be.
In that small, fire-lit room, wrapped in Wanda’s arms, Natasha felt a warmth and belonging she hadn’t thought possible. The rest of the world faded away as she let herself be completely, irrevocably lost in Wanda.
#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#wandanat#wandanat fanfiction#natasha#wanda#wanda x natasha#wlw yearning#wlw fiction#natasha x wanda#wanda maximoff smut#natasha romanoff smut#black widow#scarlet witch#scarlet widow#my first fiction for this ship#wandanat fluff#wandanat fic#wanda maximoff needs a hug#natasha romanoff needs a hug#wandanat smut#wanda maximoff fluff#natasha romanoff fluff#natasha and clint friendship#i know its a lot of words to read it but i hope you enjoy it
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Confession
I didn't have Nickelodian growing up so I never watched Danny Phantom.
Therefore, when I got into the fanfiction universe of Danny Phantom I 100% believed Wes Weston to be a real character, and was slightly crushed to discover he didn't exist.
#i didn't like him as a character#but i still found the idea funny#like a cassandra character#in a story about ghosts with greek influences(pandora ect.)#i found it so funny#plus he's really well developed#and fits into the universe#(as far as I know it)#danny phantom#phandom#danny phantom fanfiction#phandom fanfiction#this also means that im really distrustful when now of new characters#like gregor#sounds fake#or agents o and k#i thought that the fandom had made up them
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I'm actually nonplussed over there being dedicated haters to an OC. Like, what in God's green internet is this nonsense about. Can't they hate on a canon character or someone in politics like a functioning adult, omg.*
What are they saying?
Anywho, y'all know my two sisters, Drs. Tanke and Sjael Drummer. They're from The Expanse, a show that I am desperately trying to convert Star Wars fans to. Six-foot-something badass Belters with degrees and families because God waits for no man. Designed in 2023 after binging the Expanse twice and starting TBB.
I'm not so much a fan of them, so much as I am a fan of their stories and the ability to use them as effective narrative tools and to better comprehend a cautiously optimistic future in space for humanity.
My OCs offered a different aspect to world building that was previously not on the table in both franchises. As someone who writes professionally, I thought this was an interesting take to explore.
Initially, I was nervous about this. I got back into fanfiction and writing thanks to both my daughters, my hillbilly nerd neighbors, and my medication (I have MDD and started Wellbutrin in January 2023, right when we started watching TCW/TBB together as a family).
Right around the time I was writing the longfic, was when Tech got a canon love interest. And I've seen fandoms go mean and nuts on each other for shipping - especially big ones, like Harry Potter and Star Wars. Did I need that in my free time?
I deal with people throwing tantrums all day at work, after all.
But guess what? As I mentioned before, my side gig is as a writer with a focus on science and learning. I've been threatened by Neo-Nazis on an article regarding the history of eugenics. I've had nasty emails sent because of a piece on 23andme.
Ergo, someone screeching about why I need to believe in cartoon characters falling in love on a show that I drunkenly make fun of with Redneck Doug is like, nothing.
I figured, I'll write something tasteful and good, and if people like it, they'll like it. If they don't like it, that's on them.
(In case you didn't know, Juno meets Sjael in another fic! Into the Techiverse)
And people have really liked the story of the Drummer sisters - at least according to the hits counters on AO3 and Wattpad. Statistics is the language that speaks truth.
So, I may or may not be turning the Drummer sisters' story it into its own, stand-alone novel. Might as well lean into neoliberalism and make some cash or something.
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*=I say this, and I was reminded that I had some gross lunatics up my butt about various and sundry from time to time. Every single one was a die-hard shipper that viewed alternative stories as an insult to their existence. Delightful.
A couple have also been Hunter girlies who did NOT like the fact that I made the ol' boy GAY in my sequel. Praise the lord and pass the lube, I guess.
My favorite asshole I've dealt with is still the incel who was convinced that his ship was 'proof' that 'men like me have earned love'!
Christ, what are the odds that he listened to Andrew Tate, too?
He was also racist and had issues with strong female characters that didn't melt at the foot of a male character.
Barf.
No wonder a novel-length story about growth and character development and no mommy's basement to run to hurt his soul.
OC creation musings + Juno retrospective
I was rewatching this video by Rea, and it struck me that this exact phenomenon happened to me in 2022, with the first inklings of Juno's design - back when I couldn't decide on whether or not her name would be "Juno" or "Kite", and desperately trying not to make her a scientist. She's obviously come such a long way since then, having now become a very well-known character in the fandom, but I often think of the fact that had she not become on of my artistic passions, I probably wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today.
Juno is absolutely everything to me. She is a representative of my passion for storytelling, and she connected me with so many of my now closest friends - one of which is currently living in my house! How crazy is that, man! All of which I can attribute to simply becoming so fixated on my own OC that I couldn't stop thinking about her, or drawing her.
Of course, that's come with some highs and lows. She's getting a professionally done cosplay, a 3D model and potentially a Battlefront mod - but she also has her own dedicated group of haters who think she represents the 'wrongs' of fandom, lol. I certainly have recieved my fair share of 'Juno hate' in my 3-4 years here, but the positivity and support make it well worth dealing with a few rotten apples. It's radiant and outpouring, like a warm ray of sun, and it keeps me going deep into the night.
Anyways. Total tangent. Want to see all her design iterations? Yea you do ;) Here's the first ever Juno ref!
I made this on my phone in 2022, at the tale end of watching TCW and back when TBB was just one season. You can definitely see that the idea was always there, just a bit disjointed in its application. That gas mask on her helmet ended up causing a lot of confusion, so I removed it in later iterations - but to this day, I think this one picture is what really captivated me. Something about the aura, man,, she scary lookin
Then, of course, I had to draw what her face would look like - if it hadn't been for a RP, I don't think I would have.
Woah - she's like a whole different person! And you can see the beginnings of her white hair streak, though back then, I wanted i to be really subtle. And I was soooo adamant about this lol. She also was almost beat for beat Ellen Ripley, and you can see me paint over a picture of Sigourney below with her OG faceclaim haha.
Then we have the Juno-ing... part two. Where I went darker!! Both in themes, and in her color scheme. This one still has so much personality, and I remember being obsessed with how I drew her eyes and face back then. Nowadays, I think it's hideous. xD This was also around the time I was phasing out her gauntlets and oxygen mask, but both still remained for practicality purposes, even if they didn't serve anything to the design. Oh, and the hair streak. Now it's a Thing :tm: but it isn't really flowing well with the design - not yet, anyways!
We finally get to a point where I, begrudingly, accept the fact that her white streak is going to be her facial focal point - and at this point I'm laughing about how much I tried to avoid it LOL. But here, we also see her get more and more refined. Her face is still a bit wonky, but the stern vibe and posture are starting to come together and tell more of a concrete story, even if the reference doesn't have as much color or personality as the last one. I also did this one for my senior year of college!
I even designed her some totally BS civvies - and I gave her a s2 paint job, which admittedly looks hideous LMAOOO but we ball regardless. The second design was scrapped anyways almost immediately. The civvies stayed!
And then, of course, THE FINALE! Her face went through so many iterations with her current ref, but thus far, it's been the longest standing and most accurate one. It atually started out just as me goofing off with a marker pen in CSP, that quickly changed to "hey... this could be something good." And I was right! This is the Juno that's currently circulating today, and I've been polishing and refining her as I go, since I still feel as though I could perfect things.
And then, of course, her various outfits, which I posted about a while back. Oh - and have you seen Baby Juno?
Well now you have. :)
I think it's so cool to see how someone can fixate on a character and pour so much love and thought into them, that this character becomes their entire brand. Juno inhabits every part of my brain space and is what I think about 24/7. I'm so proud of how far she comes, and she reminds me about how incredible fandom can be and continues to be! Something about her is just so intoxicating to me. I can't get enough of her, and I can't wait to keep developing her over the years to come.
Which then begs the question - what is your equivalent to this entire thread? Do you have an OC like Juno, who you're fixated on and who dominates your creative pursuits? Do they have multiple artistic iterations? Because if you do, share them!! I WANNA SEEEEEE.
Anyways, that's Wren's Ramblings for today ~ I got bored haha
SHARE YOUR OCS!!!! >:0
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Just a heads up to new artists who might not know this: tracing people's artwork and posting it as your own is not okay. With or without credit, its stolen if you don't have permission.
This is why I continue to stay out of the Octonauts fandom and now probably will not return. Even months after leaving the fandom I'm still getting new art tracers and thieves.
If you absolutely have to trace and post it, just ask the artist first. If they say no then don't trace their artwork.
#sorry if this post seems pretty salty#I had a really long day and I think I'm coming down with something#was going to unwind and check tumblr real fast before crashing#only to stumble upon yet another art tracer. And who would have thought. it was Octonauts#This might be the nail in the coffin for me#I don't have any confidence when it comes to returning to this fandom-#but I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe they really don't know that it's not okay to do that#So that's what this hastily made and very drowsy post is for-#for new artists that might know that tracing people's artwork and posting it as if it was your own is theft#And it also keeps artists like me out of fandoms.#So apologies#this is a slightly salty yet gentle reminder to not trace peoples art without permission#thank you for reading 💞#heres to hoping i don't wake up with a terrible cold tomorrow 💀
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#”Gon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of him” shut up shut the fuck up#”Homura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madoka” never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#I’m sorry that some of you incells can’t understand moral complexity or that characters can’t always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didn’t really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#don’t get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think she’s evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didn’t care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasn’t happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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i think that there was a fanwriter named Nemis that wrote a lot of fics about E/C? i liked those fics!
My memory has never been good and after 20 years away it's completely unreliable, but still, that name rings a bell. I vaguely remember her being a nice person that I was aware of but never really interacted with because our areas of interest didn't quite intersect.
i hoped the show would give some spot to Celebrian … and instead. lol.
Indeed! I can just picture the show writers turning their noses up at the thought of writing Galadriel as a mother. She can't be a mother! Whoever heard of a mother being interesting? No one would think it was cool for Galadriel to be an actual queen and seasoned diplomat and seer, with a husband and a child.
Not to mention that Celebrian can't be interesting at all because she dies as a damsel in distress, so she must be a wimp all her life (ignoring the fact that everybody dies in distress.) People can't imagine that her life could have been interesting before that :( Sexism and failure of imagination again.
it would be interesting to see if anyone else had my idea … of course i have not read all the Galadriel/Celeborn fics out there so if someone has those, feel free to drop!
LOL! I'm sorry to end up dropping my own fics on you, but it sounds like you might enjoy my Oak and Willow
(Ignore all the tags, they were auto-imported from Henneth Annun when that archive backed up all its stories on Ao3 and then shut down.) And you can probably ignore chapters 1-4 if you're just in it for the C/G romance. They are world building for Doriath and setting up Celeborn's position in his home, with Thingol, Melian, Luthien and Daeron.
I originally started out intending this one to be a Sindarin history of the world, from the rising of the sun and the moon. But it rapidly became the story of C&G in the First Age. If I had known it was just going to be their love story against a backdrop of the events of the First Age, I might have left off chapter 1 at least, as that was setting up something I didn't actually write in the end.
But it is more or less what you're talking about. So if you're interested, you might like it :)
oh that's interesting, may i ask if it's still online? my beef with peter jackson started muuuuch later with the hobbit movies, but i like to see how other people reacted to the LOTR trilogy when it comes out
Yes, Battle of the Golden Wood is on Ao3 too - also imported from HASA (Henneth Annun Story Archive, which was the place to post elf fanfic back in the day.)
I agree with you about the Hobbit movies! Way too much bloat. There was the occasional nice thing in them - I enjoyed seeing Beorn's house and his bees, for example - but almost everything that PJ put in was grotesque and unfunny and unnecessary. The Hobbit would have made one great film, but there just isn't enough story in it to stretch to three.
as for what you say … i think that that's the current approach of Warner Bros, with its War of the Rohirrim stuff or whatever. i'm not enthusiast about it at all and i would probably complain about it too,
I know what you mean. I'm not enthusiastic either about a Rohirrim spin-off because it seems like they've picked the most low-effort story imaginable. Yes, you can use props from The Vikings and Game of Thrones. You can probably crib story lines from Bernard Cornwell's Anglo-Saxon stories. Have we not seen enough pseudo-early-medieval stories already?
I would have liked to see something we haven't seen before! (Which doesn't mean I won't at least check out the first season. But my hopes are not high.)
i do not want to be mean but btw i do have the feeling that a lot of rop fans are mostly migratory dark romance fans
Oh, the Reylo folks from Star Wars? That would actually make an awful lot of sense. They certainly behave like them. I managed to avoid them by being in the Kylux fandom at the time, and the Kylux fandom was numerous enough to just block them all and carry on doing our own thing regardless. Also a good time :)
it's lowkey … limitating? flattening? because neither galadriel nor sauron fit into this archetype and i do think that forcing them in this dynamic … just doesn't make them sauron and galadriel anymore? but i digress
I know exactly what you mean. I've mostly spent my fandom life in slash (m/m) fandom and there is a migratory slash fandom which is the same. If a pairing gets big enough then the msf will arrive and reduce it to a set of tropes and stereotypes, and then move on to the next big thing as soon as it arrives. In that case, you just have to wait for the next big thing and hope there is someone left still writing to pick up the fandom once they've gone.
Yeah at this point i do honestly wish that everyone can write its own retelling of lotr and publish it.
At least there is the opportunity for us to do it in Ao3, even if we're not allowed to make money on it. We can do it for love :)
Hoo, boy. I am definitely going to unfollow the Celeborn tag again, since it's full of Haladriel shippers arguing that Celeborn stans are harassing them.
I'm not getting into whether that's true. I have no interest in Rings of Power, and as far as I am concerned, Halbrand does not exist in Tolkien's world. I can't be somewhere where people mix Amazon's fanfiction with actual lore.
Also ship wars are not for me. I was a massive Celeborn defender during the release of the movies, and I wrote several novels worth of fanfic then. I think I'm spent.
Still, as a Celeborn fan I thought the Celeborn tag would be a great place to go to find stuff about Celeborn. How could I have been so foolish!
My poor lad! Not even his own tag is about him. Which is exactly what I should have expected, now I come to think about it.
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Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?
not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.
i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.
which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.
and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.
i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!
#necrotic festerings#batcest#pro ship#necrotic answerings#tbh asking the question gave me the chance to explain it so ty!#might link this in my about me or my masterlist for ease of access#i don't want to like. overstate how big i was on an old blog bc i was not like. a celebrity by *any* means.#but i had a ship-specific blog and i was certainly a “big name fan” for that specific rarepair#and it like. took over my life when i was a teen#i look back on it fondly now but i really regret that i would obsess so heavily over numbers and what made a fic do well#my favorite fics to write were htp back then bc for htp culture writing on anon was normal since that was during the dreamwidth days#and i just. liked that veil of anonymity and i think i defaulted to that when i decided to finally start posting batcest stuff#(all of this makes me sound so old i'm only 22 i just started fandom really fucking young which i don't recommend)#and when i say one fic got big. i mean it. i have found that fic on instagram and pinterest and tiktok and even. facebook.#do you know what it's like when your fic gets reuploaded to facebook without your permission and you see what boomers think of it.#that was so mortifying.#funnily enough the boomers were actually really nice i was just shocked to find it there scrolling one day.#it was instagram that was super mean to me and traumatized my ass. man ppl dug into me for the tinest things. do not miss that.#anyway the point is#i've tasted vitality and niche fandom status(tm) and i hated both. and i just cannot do that to myself again#ergo#anon on ao3 and a blog to post my thoughts when i have them.#it's a nice system for me#i have some stuff on my main ao3 that toes the line of like. dark dead dove trash.#and i had antis get mad at me bc their fave fluffy fic was written by. gasp. a proshipper.#and yeah that soured me to existence on ao3.#getting into the rise of anti culture is a whole other discussion that'd have me going on for hours but i will shut up now.#wow this got long. i like to fucking talk don't i.
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