#i thought it was tuesday for some reason
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literally just realized it’s, like… exo day
#in like 55 minutes but i’m sleeper cell timed to 4 pm my time lmao#i thought it was tuesday for some reason#don’t ask#12 years and still here… we did it
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE MEAN TO ME
WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU DO THIS
I HATE BEING A TEENAGE GIRL
#she was such a bitch for no reason#i thought we were friends#why#whyd you decide to hate me on some random tuesday#fucking asshole#im so done#i hate being a teenage girl#why is this shit so normak#cant we be decent people?
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gonna keep it shmoovin man
#just me hi#i have a piece i was working on last night that i realized after i didn't have my computer could actually be Much more accurate to my ideaa#but that means i gotta scrap some stuff. sigh ᴗ.ᴗ#also i couldn't get around to readin my thing yesterday cuz my focus was shot for some reason lmao <//3#i would open the thing and then just start. driiiifting away kfshvg#//anyway idk what happened but why have i started to miss Gs at the end of my words Lmfhvaf#i already do that in real life we don't needa do that here too kfshvh#'asz wu' 'm sayin man !!' <- my engrish :3#i do like it though i think it's fun :> but my typingggg not you too kfsvhg#//anywho i've got a $1.75 thing i'm workin on :D#it's gonna hopefully be the third part to those last two i did for that thing#which goes adoration -> devotion -> guess hfh :3#i'm normal abt these guys. [places them in a lunchbox and throws it into the river to watch the bubbles] yea :)#//anyway Wednesday#not the best of the week days i will not lie#like you're stuck between the beginning and the end and it's just got that undecided feeling to it ykno what i mean pfshv#//also LMAO i've been calling feet/foot 'peets/poot' bc i think it's goofy and i don't like the F sound#and i got leo into saying it and he was talkin to somebody and had to explain what it was Lmfhjshfg#my infec- influence is spreading. influence. that's what i said#my woerds: peet. poot. tomach. shnoze. ham. heed. fingaa. ect ect#//ouhhh my collarbone keeps making these snappy noises when i pull my shoulders back#it's only occasional but holy shizz it's loud sometimes. like 'when we're in church i think you can hear it 4 pews back' loud khgsfjhfvjg#//ANYWAY i was mentioning wednesday earlier cuz it's not the best of days on the week (we know this) but i wanna go skating </3#'why isn't wednesday good for that' because it's the middle of the week. [gesturing]#i can't explain it but things need to happen on- Oo i like this songgggkkggg- either weekends or the other 4 days of the weekday#wednesday is for appointments you really don't want. i'm sorry but it's a filler day <//3#which means no happenings on a wednesday. it's illegal. that's right. Illegal#even thursday is iffy man. tuesday? tuesday is your last-chance stop. perhaps i do have thoughts about silly things Kfhvsjhgsf#nobody tell leo he's tryna get me for having a weird brain. the sentence is 5000 years of i-told-you 😔 Lmaooo#//OKAY i think i'm outta tags tho lemme say ciao here loll :3 toodles tooooodles !!! <3
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My submission for this weeks tummy tuesday. Once again freshly showered getting ready for work.
Also, I've been seeing a post asking how people feel about broad shoulders and prominent clavicles the past few days. I kind of felt like something was always off about mine but I think I've figured it out. See below:
Look at that. Horrific. Way too much bone and not enough collar in there. Maybe someone could help me fix that? Hmmm
#trans#transgender#transfem#transfemme#trans tummy tuesday#trans tummy#trans selfie#selfie#such a dorky ass joke. I thought of it and decided that for some reason it was worth sharing here.
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I don't want to brag or sound too optimistic about it, but after three weeks of training at a private college, I think my lessons with this one particular immigrant student (who has serious motivational problems lemme tell ya) are finally starting to get through and there's been improvement.
Only slight improvement so far but I have spotted some, so maybe not all hope is lost yet.
Remains to be seen I guess.
#personal#so in case anyone's still wondering i'm studying to become a tutor/instructor/guidance counselor etc. etc. whatever it's called in english#and currently i mostly work with immigrants with language. sometimes i help high school students as well. but mostly immigrants#and there's this one immigrant student who's been there since last spring. and he still barely even knows the basics because he's 'given up#according to him that is. he told me this at least three times yesterday and i told him that's a problem#so i've been trying to hammer it through his head that he can't be sitting in classes and using his phone when he's supposed to be learning#or expect me or teachers giving him all the answers when he also needs to show a little effort and help us back as well#and that he needs to participate in pair and group activities in classes because we're a team and we need to work together#so basically he's been asking me to either teach him or then find someone who can teach him#i told one of our teachers this and she answered that he could also participate in evening activities at the college but he's not doing tha#and according to him he doesn't 'mingle'. so i told him maybe he should once in a while. get out of his comfort zone. at least try#to my surprise he actually showed up to one of the evening activities that i hosted. didn't do much anything there but sit but still#that was effort. he did exactly what i said despite it making him a little uncomfortable so that's improvement#so then yesterday he asked me about teaching him the language again. i told him i host a homework club at tuesdays & thursdays @ 3:30-4:30p#he showed up there yesterday and was the only student. so i had time to teach him basic greetings. weekdays. months. things he shoulda know#and i thought it's all probably in vain but i tried. so today. he was in their class and actually doing pair work and reading stuff aloud#and even translating some stuff when i asked. calling it easy. and that he's trying to use his phone less and memorize this stuff instead#to which the rest clapped at and cheered him on for. and i told this to the teacher afterwards when she asked me about him. and she gave#me a thumbs up and looked a little surprised but also delighted. because he's been a popular subject amongst ourselves for a reason#so i don't want to get too optimistic about it. because he still has an attitude problem. but he's tried a little at least. so there's hope
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...
#god. the thing abt traditional media is that u end up with so much stuff#like i have 90 billion papers to throw out. so many drawings over the past 4 years#they gotta go. im not taking them with me. ill keep only the ones that spark joy haha#ill probably dump all the old clay dolls i made like i think when i 1st got here#back when i actually did things lol. maybe ill keep my tenz0 mask bc its cool haha#im gonna b sore from all the scrubbing i did today and theres only more scrubbing tomorrow 😭#this is basically my moveout deepclean but i still have a month to b here. theyre just inspecting Tuesday#bleh. i wanna draw 😫#also... fingers crossed. knock on wood. but i have verbal confirmation on an apartment. hopefully ill b able to sign this week 🤞🤞🤞#that would be so fucking amazing. the lady texted me this morning and for a sec i thought i might puke lol#unrelated#also i opened one of those dentist bags that i had for some reason and found it full of all thr hair i cut off in January#why did i put it in there???? y not just throw it away????
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Placed my order for pulling harnesses from a local ish store on Tuesday. Paid for 2 day shipping so I would have them by the weekend. They emailed me yesterday evening to say they didn't have any blue ones left and asked if I wanted black or red instead. I replied and they immediately printed the shipping label. Expected delivery Monday.
#barkin up some trees#i am MAD#im not gonna say where i ordered them from unless you dm me if you wanna know#just because i dont wanna put them on blast or anything#like i know it isnt a huge company but like why even offer 2 day shipping????#like theres a reason i selected 2 day shipping#and i thought ordering on tuesday morning would be lots of time for it to get here for today#like aaaaahhhhjjh#theyre only a few hours from me too so like#it shouldnt be entirely unreasonable
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BREAKING NEWS🚨🚨🚨🚨
I AM ALIVE!!!🥳🤩💃🏾💃🏾
#omg im so sorry for being offline for so long#i miss this website so much :((((((((#life was beating THE HELL OUT OF ME😮💨#okay so first i'll talk about some of my thoughts with football and what i missed and then updates about what's been going on with me#**i really wanted to come back online and let y'all know what's up but my sis's getting married this Sunday so i ill FULLY be back Monday#i just wanted to catch up on my notification but I'll go thru my inbox on Monday/Tuesday#okay FOOTBALL:#screw psg like sincerly#i cant believe theyre causing all this mess with him after he took his family on vacation😭#like the pics are SO CUTE??? how could you possibly punish him for that#also it speaks SO MUCH to his character that he FULLY recorded an apology vid like i thought he just released a typed statement#he really showing them so much more respect than they are treating him#im still salty about the lack of wc celebration....and fans booing him outside his house?? losers LOSERSSSS#i also think they're trying to act snobby about not extending him but with neymar most likely leaving they literally have too much to lose#also neymar expecting a child???? how did not know the girl he got pregnant?? so crazy SO crazy#anyways im also not optimistic about barca and messi....as much as they may talk the big variable here is La Liga allowing it to happen#they were the reason behind messi leaving and they're the only thing stopping him from coming back#as much as i dont BELIEVE messi would go to Saudi Arabia right now....i still really hate the rumours about Al-Hilal...like shut up please#if all else fails.....Pep por favor please just bring Messi to city...its not too late#he can be on the bench i don't even mind....i just HATE him at psg but i don't want him to leave Europe#In other news....Arsenal.....my heart hurts too much and I've expected that they wont be winning the league :'(((((#NOW about ME :))))#bad news first - DESPISE my job LIKE to the point where I'm crying almost daily about it but i cant quit. i jus want one summer to relax#good news: OFFICIALLY DONE MY UNDERGRADUATE DEGREEEEEEEE💃🏾😭🤧✨#THANK GOOODDDDDDDD ALHAMDULILAHHHHHHHHHH#SO DAMN HAPPY SO SO SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!#i also took my graduation pictures yesterday (thank you to the anons that told me i should get them done)#and i took the NEW ARGENTINA JERSEY WITH THE 3 STARS AND MESSI ON THE BACK AND POSED WITH IT😭😭🤣#im OBSESSED with the pic omg if i wasn't so paranoid about showing my face on this website i would've shared it#but yeah and my graduation is JUNE 9th!!! I AM SO EXCITED! Got a really pretty dress and it literally couldn't come soon enough :)
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youtube
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found a rare opportunity to record the hilarious fiancé and tsuki no hime dances, so ofc i ✨had✨ to take it—
#terrible quality bc i videoed my laptop with my phone (and bc i can’t sit still even if you paid me lmaoo)#so yeah. blasted the music at full vol to capture that epic soundtrack (and maybe my neighbours heard it. maybe they didn’t. idk—)#and ofc the things took like an hour and a half to upload bc all hail lousy 4g :(#my connection is especially bad in my room for some reason idk whyy :( like i have to go into my bro’s room to load webpages sometimes and i#i miss my wifiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :(((( but at least i have my work wifi (but i can’t tl there so that sucks)#it is suiyoubi my dudes#well it’s still tuesday for now but it’s the thought that counts (lies)
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This song does something to me, man 🎹🎸👏🏻
#Carole and Tuesday#yes I watched this#When it was coming out from like April 2019 to Oct. 2019 (how has it been four years since this came out)#One of the only animes ever#Amazing story (with the gays too 😏)#Beautiful 2D animation#I remember there was always one scene every ep where the animation team put like 95% of the budget and it’d look so beautiful#And importantly AMAZING SOUNDTRACK#Pyotr’s songs hold a special place in my heart (Desmond’s too)#With the exception of THOSE songs (😒🧜🏾♀️🐶🧓🏻🎧) it was all good#Mother is without a doubt the New Years Song Of All Time#But I was listening to my playlist while drawing and this just HIT again for some reason#The harmonies???? The build???? The simplicity????? The beat??????#Immaculate#So I thought I’d share#Spotify
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okay also... not that it's a bad thing about him as a person at all... but if i'm gonna be in a relationship with someone... fuck if i wanna be able to have an intelligent conversation with them. even if there's only a few topics we line up on in that manner. just please, anything other than usually-one-sided conversations about fandom.... 😮💨
#i read a thing a week or so ago about this couple who just sit and talk for hours every day#and while i don't have fucking *that* level of social energy.... some of that would be nice#i'm getting to the stage where i have to remind myself of all the reasons i want *not this*#(trying the reframe from my shrink. it's not what i Don't Want- but what i Do Want Instead)#and i feel so mean and selfish for pointing out all the ways this relationship falls short#because who the hell am *i*?? what right do i have???#we're *perfect* for each other if only we both change (or i abusively make him change) in all these ways until we're totally different ppl!#but if i don't acknowledge where things are not matching up to my wants#then it'll be all too easy to gloss over them and beloeve myself that i'm an evil monster depriving an innocent boy of his rightful soulmate#but the point of a soulmate is complementing each other.... not one person being the person that completes and fixes the other#soulmates are two complete and whole people whose paths are best traveled in parallel#not two incomplete people (or one complete and the other incomplete) who can only exist by breathing for each other#and i want the person who runs parallel to me#i want someone who can not only stand on their own two feet without me but THRIVE without me#and aw hell if that isn't a very interesting thing to want considering my historical issues with feeling inadequate#but i think both those growths go hand in hand - confidence in worth and wants#(like damn- honestly surprising myself with that one!)#i'm going to have the conversation with him either this tuesday or next...#part of me wants to rip the bandaid off but the other wants to both grant him one more Date Night#and also grant myself the proof i'm not acting impulsively and without thought—that i'm not just lashing out bc i Feel Lonely or whatever#though now that i'm thinking about it i don't know that i'll be able to keep it together knowing what i plan to do#i'm gonna need my fucking anxiety meds a lot this week and next 🙃 worth it tho... 😮💨#personal
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Current mood: wondering if my current weird body shit is literally just my anxiety deciding to make my body scream
#for some reason there’s a weird tight feeling in my throat right under my jaw that’s been there since thursday#it’s been getting better but hasn’t gone away and gets worse when my anxiety gets higher#last tuesday i realized the new kind of crackers were actually triggering the nut allergy that just showed up earlier this year#i figured this out because i realized my throat was swelling (i took a benadryl and was fine)#(before that my mouth just felt kind of burny which i thought was how the crackers were supposed to taste)#now my jaw decided to start feeling stiff earlier this afternoon and now my arm is too#like.#what the fuck body get your act together please#and meanwhile my anxiety is a constant stream of ‘what if its tetanus what if its a stroke what if its something else’#well you see anxiety tetanus would have gotten significantly worse by now and a stroke probably would have been more obvious by now#auuuuuiiigh#marijn vents#marijn talks
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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😭😮💨🫡
#just rad a fuckkng post from two years ago and yessss bitch you were being dramatic#looking back and cringing at past behavior has been my favorite part of growing older#i’m cryinf#I validate some of my feelings but jeeeezus like#I def give my friends waaay more space and low effort relationships#we still see each other but we’re busy and like duh#it was from two yrs ago but wow it’s nice to have grown since then#I have a therapy appointment Tuesday so that will be nice to talk about#approaching thirty and excited to be out of my twenties#also that fucking mars Saturn conj kicked my fucking assssss#I doubled down in two instances when I should not have in a public setting dealing with medical stuff#ultimately I shouldn’t have blown up#but omfg the petsmart near my house has been breaking the law selling me rx food for three months bc my card has been expired for that long#anyway I’ve been humbled by looking back on behavior that was so recent#like def not my best days 😭#also my partner moving my shit and my insurance card getting shredded was fffff#like man I tell u not to do that on purpose for a reason#anyway I’m really annoyed#but not really lol#impulsive behavior is my undoing#12hfallmars maybe but maybe mental illness lol#we’ll see#im having to reevaluate what I’ve been doing that I thought was for my health
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home on Sunday 🥹
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tbh I only care about us independence day bc I get holiday pay for working it
#yes im from the us. no i dont give a shit#(i do like explosions but not for the sake of this stupid country that wants me and my friends dead)#enchanted dumbassery#also for some reason i thought it was monday but NOPE its tuesday so thats fun
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