#i thought it reblogged but its glitching

[fossys]

sometimes ppl we follow on here reblog art of my source n its so fucking funny bcs its like hey!! I know that guy!!! Like personally!!!!! hes in co right now!!!!

[p1nkp0nkk]

WHAT

looked through their blog for like 5 seconds and its all tickle fetish stuff im. so sorry also theyre proship 😭😭

i really did consider looking through it and the one time i choose not to do it this happens

[vitaminkyeom]

smarter, and yours || l.jh

“BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS WITH YOU, SUNSHINE”

PAIRING || Jihoon x Female Reader

GENRES || Romance, Humour, Enemies To Lovers AU, Academic Rivals To Lovers AU, Rich Kids AU

SUMMARY || Jihoon, school's no. 1 (or no. 2), was nothing but a pain in the ass for you. Sure he was better than you in some subjects but so were you. The two of you were equally good enough for the first place so to increase the competition, he decided to suggest the most scandalous thing you had heard: the two of you tutor each other.

Or, in which, you were the rich kid with your family's dignity on the line and he was the poor kid with his family's sacrifices on the line.

WARNINGS || swearing

WORD COUNT || 10.6k

A/N || HI EVERYONE! Never thought I would be writing an enemies to lovers of this size but here we are. This is for the Lonely Hearts Cafe Collab by @camandemstudios !! Thank you so much for letting me particpate and do check out all the other authors here. Also moving my taglist to reblogs until tumblr fixes this horrible glitch cus its messing with the aesthetics tbh

Cram school had to be the worst phase in a teenager’s life.

You looked out of the window aimlessly, trying to drown out the teacher’s voice. It was pitch dark outside and you couldn’t really see anything, except for your own reflection staring back at you. Your hair wasn’t out of place at all, neatly brushed and clipped to keep it out of your eyes. Your school uniform was crisp and clean, as though you had decided to come to your cram school straight from home, and not after a long day of school. 

But then your eyes met your reflection’s and you felt the tiredness hit you like a truckload. Your eyes looked like you had been awake for a thousand years, your eyes carrying the weight of all your previous generations. Which… wasn’t wrong in a way.

You rapidly blinked at your reflection, trying to get rid of the sleep from your eyes. Sighing, you turned your head back to the board where the teacher was explaining Faraday’s principle of electromagnetic induction, and your eyes flicked up to the clock overhead.

7.55 pm.

Five more minutes until this physics class got over. 

You could survive five more minutes, right? Sure physics was the subject you dreadest the most but hey, you could bear a few minutes of it. You were doing this for four years already so five minutes shouldn’t hurt at all.

Then you made the mistake of looking at your best friend’s book, lying next to your blank one.

Kim Mingyu scribbled down furiously the concept the teacher was explaining, adding his own words to it as an indicator that he was understanding everything being taught. You watch him glance up at the board and nod his head in approval to what was being said, before looking back at his book to solve the problem.

Immediately, you felt the familiar feeling wrap around your throat, stopping any air from entering your lungs. Your fingers balled into a fist, nails digging into your palm as you tried to suck in a breath without making any noise. 

The last thing you needed was for the entire class to look at you and wonder why you were hyperventilating. Screwing your eyes shut, you began doing the exercise you had looked up on the internet for anxiety attacks. 

Count from 10 to 1. Count from 10 to 1. Count from 10 to-

“You okay?” Mingyu’s voice broke the chain of your thoughts, snapping you out of your mantra as you opened your eyes to look at him, trying to cover your distraught look. But no matter how well you had practiced the art of hiding your feelings, there was no secret you couldn’t keep from Mingyu.

He mirrored your expression, widening his eyes in worry as he gently touched your shoulder, edging a bit closer to you.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

You nodded, refusing to make eye contact with him. Embarrassment flooded your cheek at the thought of you getting an anxiety attack just because your best friend was able to understand the class and solve the problem.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just stifled because physics is just so hard.” You lied, hoping he won’t think too much about it.

Mingyu smiled at you softly. “Don’t worry. I know physics is eating you up but hey you aren’t that bad. Not to mention, you’re the maths topper. You can score great marks in the other subjects. One subject won’t pull you down that much.”

You knew Mingyu was lying through his teeth to make you feel better because one subject could pull down your rank because of the amount of competition, but nonetheless you felt at ease at his reassurance. Yeah, you weren’t that bad in maths, and you could try a bit more harder and improve your physics, right?

Right then the bell rang, and the teacher yelled out a few instructions to the class but you were too busy grabbing your pen and book and dumping them in your bag. You scrambled out of the class right behind the teacher, even leaving Mingyu behind as you ran straight to the washroom.

No sooner had you flung the toilet door open you puked, your stomach hurling out your lunch. After what felt like an hour you forced yourself to stop retching, gasping for breath as you clutched your hurting stomach. Your heart was still beating like crazy and a bead of sweat dropped from your forehead.

Slowly getting up, you took in a deep breath to stop your body from trembling too much. You could hear some girls chatting outside the door, and embarrassment creeped into your cheeks. 

Had they heard you? No one had seen you, right? 

If people found out that you were having a panic attack just because of a physics class…

You waited until the chatter outside died down before opening the door and peaking, making sure the coast was clear. It was empty, indicating that break time too was almost over.

Quitely, you slip out of the washroom and back to your classroom, walking back to your bench. Mingyu was nowhere to be seen, so you assumed he was probably in the canteen, buying some milk for the two of you.

You sat there silently for a while, your breath and heartbeat returning to normal as you took in your surroundings. Your classmates were either playing with crumpled balls of paper or chatting to each other. Your eyes then fell on one particular boy, who was completely absorbed in his book, scribbling away furiously.

Your eyes narrowed at him as you felt a pang of jealousy. Suddenly, he raised his head up and turned to look at you, both of your eyes locking and causing you to freeze in place.

Lee Jihoon smirked at you, twirling the pencil in his hand as though he knew about the little episode you just had.

Why, that asshole-

He got up and started walking in your direction, and you hastily pulled out a book from your bag and opened it to a random page to pretend like you were… well, occupied.

But of course Jihoon had to come and sit down on the bench in front of you, turning to you as he rested his elbow on your book, his palm cradling his face.

“Hey.” He said, that smirk never wavering off his face. God, he was so infuriating- 

“What do you want from me?” You asked, yanking the book from his weight. 

“Can I not come over and tell hi to my friend?” His cocky voice caused you to look up at him dryly. 

“The dictionary definition of friends would beg to differ from what we have.”

“Damn it. I was hoping you would be too high headed to look at a dictionary.”

You scoffed.

“Not as air headed as you though, because you’re clearly wasting break time chatting with me instead of studying. You’ll need every single second to beat me in the test series next week.”

Jihoon smiled at you, his eyes glinting in amusement. I ought to punch those pearly white teeth. “Next week’s? Why not this week’s? Didn’t do so well?”

“Shut up.” You fumed, seething with his rage as he brought up memories from this week’s exams. The anxiety you had felt a few minutes ago was starting to surface up and you were not going to lose in front of him. “I’m still going to beat you in maths.”

“But beating me in math alone won’t give you the first rank.” He beamed, as though already knowing tomorrow’s results. You knew too, to be honest. You were just blatantly lying right now to save your face.

This week had been a particularly hard week, your period cramps paired with the worst chapters in every subject for the exams. While writing the exam itself you knew you were doomed, and the pain had been eating you away ever since you finished writing the test a few hours ago.

Maybe that was the reason you had a panic attack?

“Falling once won’t mean my CAT scores have been thrown out of the window.” You argue back. It was okay to fail, right?

That’s how you always calmed yourself down. There was no learning without failing after all. You had to learn from your mistakes. Next time, you would be even more flawless-

But how many more times did you need to fail to become flawless? How many times did you need to beat Jihoon until your rank was permanently 1 and not fluctuating between first and second place?

“Yeah sure. We’ll see who gets the early admissions to SNU.” 

“Look, if you’re here to insult me-” You began but he looked at you hurt. This man should have become an actor instead.

“Insult you? You’re the one who has been keeping me up all night, making sure I’m giving my hundred percent no matter what! I love what we have. I’ll never insult you.” Jihoon mocked, causing you to roll your eyes at him.

“Now that felt like an insult.”

“Why were you in a rush today by the way?” He asked suddenly.

“Wh-what?” You felt your cheeks sink in as you looked at him in horror. No way- There was no way he knew, right?

If Jihoon of all people knew then- No. It couldn’t be.

“After class.” He continued, completely unfazed by your reaction. He tilted his head at you, looking at you even more lazily if anything. “You ran out. It was almost like you were dying-”

“Jihoon.” A familiar voice cut him off and never had you loved your best friend more than right now as you turned back to see a Mingyu looking at Jihoon questioningly, as though urging him to continue saying whatever it was. “What are you doing here?”

“Is it illegal to talk to you both now?” Jihoon asked sarcastically.

“No… but bullying is.” 

Jihoon’s face darkened at those words, and he glared at the two of you. “Bullying? I swear you high society kids are so stuck up that even having banter is considered bullying.”

“Well, Y/N doesn’t look like she’s enjoying your… ‘banter’ very much.”

He snorted, and stood up, causing you to breathe a sigh of relief. “Fine then. Suit yourselves. I won’t bully you much if that is what is causing you so much trouble Y/N.” Giving the two of you a weird look, he walked away, going back to his bench and slumping off on his desk.

Inhaling deeply, you looked up at Mingyu and smiled. “Thanks.”

He smiled back at you, before placing a banana milk carton on the desk. “Here, I thought you weren’t feeling well so I brought some banana milk for you from the canteen.”

“Thank you!” You said, feeling a bit cheerful as you peeled off the seal and sipped it, the cold milk cooling you down just like how Mingyu had anticipated.

The door of the classroom opened again as the teacher walked in, and everyone scrambled to get to their places and greet the teacher.

As you stood up, your eyes fell on Jihoon. He looked really glum, like what Mingyu had said really offended him.

You took that as a win.

“L/N Y/N.” You flinched as the teacher spoke out your name, causing you to look up and stop rubbing your thumb finally. Sucking in a deep breath, you plastered a small, confident smile on your face before walking up to her.

Ms. Yun gave you a dry smile before extending the result sheet, and you felt your heart shatter almost immediately. Still, you just smiled back at her and took the sheet, walking back to your desk, not daring to look at your result.

Once seated (and glancing through the class quickly so that no one’s eyes was on you), you let your eyes fall onto the printed piece of paper in your hands.

Your stomach jumped.

2/246

Second place? Again? That would mean that Jihoon was-

Your grip on the paper tightened a little as tears blurred your eyes. No, no, no! I cannot cry here!

You knew it. You knew this would be the result. But still… you had hoped that maybe fate would be kind to you just this once.

You had drowned out your surroundings, staring at the numbers again and again as though if you looked long enough that two would change into one. What were you going to tell your parents?

Oh my god. What am I going to tell them-

“Y/N!”

You jerked at the sound of someone calling your voice, blinking rapidly so that there was no obvious wetness in your eyes. Your vision finally concentrated on a rather familiar face in front of you, and hatred kicked in almost as a self defense.

“Daydreaming much?” Jihoon asked, smirking at you as he tilted his head slightly. 

“Not at all.” You said, smiling at him with the most fake smile you could muster. Through the corner of your eyes, you saw that most of your classmates had left, only a few going through their books one final time before leaving for break. “I don’t have that much time in my hand. Unlike you.”

“Oh well, then I must be really talented if I managed to get the first rank while daydreaming so much.” He laughed, the sound causing your heart to accelerate a little. His laughter was so annoying that you were sure you would end up with heart problems one of these days. 

“Well, I did say I would beat you next week.” You said, trying not to raise your voice at him.

“You’ve been saying that to me since the beginning of this year.”

“Yeah well if you haven’t forgotten that first place was mine for the last few years.”

“And before that it was mine.”

“One year. In middle school.”

“Anyways,” you glance back at the report card. You had got second place in physics again, but first in maths. Well maybe that would be your saving grace in front of your parents. “Looks like no matter how much you try you cannot beat me in maths though.” You gave him a little smirk, leaning in a bit as though you were about to share a big secret.

“How are you acing in physics after being so bad in maths, huh?”

Now it was Jihoon’s time to scoff. “It’s the second rank. I’m just behind you by a few marks.”

“Sure you are not by hearting physics numericals?”

Jihoon leaned, suddenly catching you off guard by how close both of your faces were. But you didn’t let your expression change. “That seems like something you would do, to be honest.”

You moved away from him, raising your hand in defeat. “Well, I admit I’m, ah, a bit weak in physics. But you don’t want to accept defeat no matter what.”

“Ahahaha, I just want to admit to you. Funny how our weaknesses are complimentary, aren’t they?” 

“Yeah, it’s almost like fate wants us to always be able to pit against each other.” You joked, folding away your report card and slipping it into your bag. 

“Hmmm.” Jihoon agreed, looking out of the window. You watched him for a few seconds, taking in his features. His hair moved slightly from the light breeze blowing in, and you realised with a jolt just how soft and dreamy he looked right now.

Wait, what-

You banged your elbow against the table to drop your pencil case, immediately diving down to retrieve its contents. You felt like your cheeks were on fire and the last thing you needed was Jihoon to see you like this.

Why were your cheeks heating up in the first place?

Once you collected your (two) pens, you sat under the desk for a few seconds, trying to get rid of the heat on your cheeks. Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath-

“What are you doing?” Suddenly Jihoon appeared, crouching next to you, looking at you in surprise because who took so much time to pick up their pens and pencils?

“Ah!” You yelped, jerking away from him a little before offering him a sheepish smile. “I, uh, I was… just picking up my pencils!”

“Oh?” He looked confused, all cockiness from his face gone as though there was nothing to make fun of in this situation.

“Uh…yeah!” You laughed awkwardly as you showed him the pens, and he too nodded after a few seconds. “Man, you sure are slow even in daily tasks like these.”

There. There was the Lee Jihoon you knew.

“By the way, do you want to tutor each other?” He asked suddenly, sitting down on the floor as he looked at you eagerly.

Now it was your time to be confused. “Huh?”

“You know… I help you with physics and you help me with maths?”

“Huh?” You asked again, not sure you had heard correctly. Helping… each other?

Was it legal to fraternise with the enemy like this? And… tutoring each other in the weak subjects felt diminishing the competition you both had. 

But then again… you really needed help with physics. Cram school wasn’t enough for you clearly, and hiring a personal tutor would mean seeing your parents waste even more money on you. You were willing to do anything to save your face. Forget your reputation, the least you could do was swallow your pride and save your family’s reputation.

“Help each other. Let’s put aside our differences and work together… at least for a month?” Jihoon explained again.

“Oh. Sure… sounds good to me.” You said. “Uh, maybe we could start from this Sunday?”

“Sure. But your house.” 

“Huh? Why not the study cafe?” You asked, surprised. 

“Because I'd rather be dead than be caught studying with you.” He smirked again, as though that should have been self explanatory. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Okay, but you could have been nice and invited me over to your house instead.”

At this he laughed. But when he saw that you weren’t laughing with him and just looking at him confused, he stopped, his face darkening once again. “My parents will be at home and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

Now you nodded, understanding the situation. “I get it. Lucky for us, my parents won’t be home this Sunday so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Cool then.” He said, before walking away from you, hands in his pocket as though you two hadn’t just decided to set aside your life long differences and help each other out instead.

“That’s it?” You called out, feeling a bit annoyed at how nonchalant he was while you had been overthinking if this deal was worth it.

Jihoon turned back. “What do you want?”

“No goodbyes?”

“Oh please.” He rolled his eyes, before smirking at you, causing your blood to boil once again. “We aren’t friends.”

You heard footsteps before the knock on the door, your stomach already dropping in fear. Your heart raced as you rubbed your thumb repeatedly, the page you were reading going completely blur no matter how much you tried to focus on the words in front of you.

“Y/N?” 

Forcing your cheeks up for a smile, you turned on your chair to look at your mother standing by your door. 

“You’re back?” You asked, trying for a small talk to calm down your nerves. 

Maybe she forgot. Maybe she had a long day at work-

“Where is your report card?”

“Uh, in my- in my bag-”

“Thought I told you to keep it on my table immediately after you return from school?” Your mother said, narrowing her eyes at you. You felt your heart give an anxious squeeze, but you just gave her a small smile in an effort to reduce the tension in the room.

You walked up to your bag and pulled out the report card, biting your lips as your stomach turned. What was she going to say? Would she understand if I told her what actually happened-

“What are you doing!” You heard your mother snap at you and before you could even react you felt her snatch it away from your hand. 

“I-” You began but your mother’s eyes widened, face suddenly livid with anger.

“Second? Again?” She screamed, causing you to flinch.

“I- I can explain! I wasn’t feeling well!” You said, even though you could feel your stomach sinking to the depths of hell quite literally.

“Oh, really?” Your mother laughed, the sound causing you to flinch and take a step back as fear wrapped itself around your heart. “And what was the excuse last week? Right, that you were weak in a chapter-”

“Well, I’m not lying!” You exclaimed, your voice rising out of panic. “I’m not lying, I swear!”

“Then when will you get strong, Y/N? Huh?” Suddenly your mother grabbed your shoulders, her fingers digging painfully into your flesh and you tried your best to stop the tears threatening to well your eyes.

When will you get strong? When will you?

“Answer me!” She screamed, shaking you by your shoulders. But now her face wasn’t angry anymore. It was just… hurt and disappointment.

You felt your will completely crumble and the tears rolled down.

“When will you get better?” Your mother’s voice dropped to whisper as she stared at you intensely. “When? Don’t your father and I try hard enough for you? Don’t we give you everything you want? Then why can’t you do this simple thing?”

“I- I’m trying.” You whispered, sniffling as you felt more tears glide down your cheeks.” I swear I’m trying.”

“Then try harder!” She screamed once again, causing you to flinch. “Try till you are out of breath, try till you can’t take it anymore, try till you feel like dying, you worthless piece of-”

“I came first in maths!” You interrupted her, hoping she would see some hope in you.

Suddenly you felt a sharp sting on your cheek as you stumbled to your right by the force of your mother’s slap. Blood rushed to your ears as you slowly lifted your fingers to touch your burning cheek, looking at your mother in horror.

“You disgust me so much.” She whispered, and you felt your world crack. She doesn’t mean it, she doesn’t mean it, she doesn’t mean it-

Sighing, your mother walked out of the room and shut the door behind her with a bang. 

Your knees gave away almost immediately as you crumbled on to the floor, the first loud sob escaping you. You slapped your hand over your mouth as you cried, the tears coming down fast.

It hurt so much. So much.

You tried so hard to make your parents proud. Not to be a disappointment. They always sacrificed so much for you. Then where were you going wrong? You always worked so hard. Then why couldn’t you be first?

Why couldn’t you be like Jihoon?

Sucking in a huge breath to control your crying, you clutched your heart at the painful thought of him.

Jihoon.

Always at ease, Lee Jihoon.

Studying must be so easy for him, with how smart he was. He didn’t even need to struggle like you. He didn’t need to throw up after every test, lose breath every time he was unable to solve any problem or cry his eyes out because he was a disappointment to his parents and they hated him.

Life must be so easy for him.

You hated him. You hated him so much.

You buried your face in your hands as another sob escaped you and you felt the entire world darken around you.

You were such a failure.

As soon as the doorbell rang, you found yourself sprinting to open the door. (You totally were not sitting in the living room waiting for him.

You opened the door with a rush, and found yourself staring back at a surprised Jihoon.

“Wow, that was quick-” He began but you cut him off to distract him. “Hey!”

Jihoon smiled at you, tilting his head a little like he always did. “Hi.”

“Come in!” You squeaked, not sure why you were feeling so nervous. Actually the fact that Jihoon would come over had you feeling  jittery but now that he was actually here, you felt slightly light headed for some reason.

Was the academic tension finally getting to you?

Jihoon stepped into the house, eyes glancing around as though taking in his surroundings. 

“Don’t worry.” You said, closing the door behind the two of you. “I don’t have any booby traps hidden here to get rid of you or something.”

“How do I know that?” Jihoon asked, turning to look at you with a smirk. There was his goddamned smirk again. “You might want to get rid of your competition for all I know.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “The study room is this way.” Walking in front of him, you led the way. “Besides, if I needed to get rid of competition, then I would need to blow the whole country.”

“Oh please, I’m your only competition. No one is as intelligent as you.”

The two of you were climbing up the stairs to your study room when you froze, slowly turning to look down at him.

“You- you think I’m intelligent?” You asked, your voice almost sounding hollow.

Jihoon blinked at you, as though that was a stupid question to ask. “You are literally the topper of the school, what are you even talking about?”

You huffed out a breath, not knowing you were holding in your breath. “Forget it.” You mumbled before quickening your pace on the stairs. You heard Jihoon run up the stairs until he was right beside you, and he leaned in slightly towards you.

“Come on, just because I am beating you in the past few tests you cannot think you are unworthy, can you?”

There was no way Lee Jihoon was praising you, right? “I said forget it.” You said, opening the door to your room. Then you turned to him. “And besides, if I was one of the smartest, how come I am so bad at physics? I’m not even a little bad…I’m terribly bad at it.”

Jihoon smiled, his eyes crinkling into half moons. “Which is why I am here! Don’t worry though, you still won’t be able to beat me.”

“How thoughtful of you. You don't need to worry about our competition streak too. You'll never be able to beat me in maths.”

“Good thing we've got that cleared up. Nice room by the way.” Jihoon stated, looking around as he stepped into your study room. “Where is your bed, though? Or do you sleep on your chair because I've always got the vibes that you study during your sleep time too.”

“Ha ha ha. Very funny.” You narrowed your eyes at him, pulling him a chair next to your desk. “This is my study room. Obviously I wouldn't have my bed here. That's in my bedroom.”

He looked at you in disbelief. “You have a study room and a bedroom?”

“Well…” You started, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Something felt off with the way he had said it. Like he was actually surprised. “You are not supposed to study in the room you sleep in so… I thought- I thought you knew this.”

His face was unreadable but he shrugged. “Guess not all of us have the privilege of knowing such amazing facts.”

What did that mean?

But you chose to ignore it, signalling him to sit down as you sat on your chair. “Enough chit chat. We didn't come here to bond. I was thinking… two hours maths and then two hours physics?”

“Sounds good to me.” he said, sitting down. “You're going to give me homework, aren't you?”

You looked at him surprised. “How did you know that?”

Jihoon laughed lightly, and for some reason you felt your stomach jump a little. “Oh well remember we had reverse classes for a week in eighth grade? You gave us homework for that class and corrected it and even graded it for us.”

“Oh wow… you remember that?” You asked, feeling your cheeks heat up. “To be honest, that was a bit too much for a reverse class-”

“It was.”

You glared at him. “But now since we’re trying to improve our grades I think it would be for the best if we gave each other homework. Would let us know where we stand and how much we improved and just keep in touch with everything.”

“I agree.” he nodded.

“Wow Lee Jihoon agreeing with me? Maybe the sun will rise in the west tomorrow!”

“Very funny. For your information, I never hated your homework. If anything I thought it was cute.”

You looked at him with a horrendous look on your face. Cute? Lee jihoon called some habit of yours cute?

“Please refrain from ruining the actual meanings of words.”

“Fine, you grumpy, friendless woman-”

“Whom are you calling friendless?”

“Oh so you agree you are grumpy?”

“I-” You began, faltering a bit. You were a grumpy person. There was no denying that. But you couldn’t lose in an argument to Jihoon. Nonetheless, he smirked at you at the win, leaning in a bit as he tilted his head at you. “Cat got your tongue, sunshine?”

“No, I just realised there is no point in fighting with you if we want to help each other out.” You lied, quickly turning away to grab some mathematics books. Your face felt like it was on fire and there was no way you were going to let Jihoon see you like this.

“Anyways, I wanted to say that don’t feel stressed teaching me.” Jihoon said. “I might not be as good as you but you are a wonderful teacher.”

“Thanks for transferring the stress over from you to me.” You said dryly, opening the book to the first chapter.

“Yes and if you’re struggling with physics it’s your fault not mine because I’m an even better teacher.”

You gave him a look and he burst out laughing, causing you to shake your head in disbelief.

“No, I’m serious. You are a wonderful teacher.”

“Thank you. Now after two hours I shall let you know if the same can be said about you.”

“It’s a competition. Whoever gets more marks next week in their taught subjects is the winner.” Jihoon’s eyes glinted with mischief and the urge to wipe that smirk off his face grew stronger.

“Deal.” You gritted your teeth, not wanting to back down. “What’s at stake?”

At this Jihoon grinned at you, leaning in until your noses were just inchest apart. Did he always smell this good?

“The loser has to admit that no matter what the fluctuation in our ranks, the winner is the true first rank holder.”

You felt the corner of your lip go up in a smile, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline every time he challenged you to something rush through your veins. “You’re on.”

“What were you thinking?” You asked (or rather demanded) as you roughly pulled apart the curtains to Mingyu’s bed, ready to strangle him for not telling you this.

In response Mingyu groaned and covered his eyes with his arms, the harsh lighting of the nurse’s cabin hitting him now that you had pulled away his curtains.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry? Do you even know what you are supposed to be sorry for?” You continued, dropping yourself on to the edge of his bed.

At this he removed his arm slightly so that he could just peer at you, before smiling sheepishly. “Uh, for fainting in class?”

You sighed, shaking your head in disbelief. “Don’t be sorry, Gyu. But why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? It could have been so much worse!”

“Relax, I was just tired. That’s all.” He said dismissively, as though that was supposed to reduce your worry.

You wondered if he too was hiding something like how you were hiding your anxiety.

No way, right? The Mingyu you knew always shared everything with you. But then, so did you… or supposedly.

“Is that all the nurse said?” You asked, still worried. Just how much was he working himself off? 

At this he smiled at you. “You can ask her yourself if you still doubt me.”

You huffed. “I don’t doubt you. I’m just… worried.”

“I’m okay. I’m serious.” Mingyu answered, turning towards his side to face you properly. “I am… a bit tired though, to be honest. The nurse said I could sleep here for the next two - three classes till I have the energy to sit through a class.”

“Okay. Rest up then.” You said, making a mental note to get him some banana milk bottles from the canteen.

“Could you close the curtain?”

“Sure.” You got up to pull the curtains close when your eyes fell on the bed next to his, the curtain slightly open towards the head of the bed. You nearly audbi;y gasped when you recognised the face, especially when you saw the bruises on his cheeks and his split lips. Even though he was asleep, you could see his jaw was clenched, the tension in his face very evident.

Shutting the curtain close, you turned back to Mingyu, sitting back down on the bed and leaning towards him so that you could whisper to him.

“What is Jihoon doing here?” You whispered harshly, eyebrows knotted as you tried to think of a reason how he might have ended up in this situation. He didn’t look like someone who took others' lunch money.

Mingyu blinked at him. “Uh, because he is all battered up?”

“I know that!” You hissed. “I meant. How did he end up like this? Did he get into a fight?”

At this, Mingyu looked surprised. “Wait, don’t you know?”

“Don’t I know what?”

“That Jihoon is a popular target of some of the bullies in 3-A? They keep harassing him almost everyday.”

“What?” You felt your head spin with this new information. Jihoon? Getting bullied? But he didn’t look like the type who would let someone bully him. “But why?”

Now Mingyu was the one looking at you confused. “Do you live under a rock or something? How do you not know this about your competitor?”

“Well, probably because I do not care about the wordy affairs of my competitors. I intend to beat them through studies alone.” You said, a bit annoyed by the way Mingyu was acting. What could be such a golden piece of information that you had to know about him?

“Jihoon is one of the scholarship students. There are only two per year. How do you not know them?”

You looked at him in surprisingly, finally understanding a lot of the things he had said and done over the years. No wonder he couldn’t relate to having a separate study room and a bedroom.

Suddenly you felt like an asshole, shame and guilt creeping up your cheeks.

“What’s wrong? Did you do something to him?” Mingyu asked suspiciously.

You snorted. “I’m not that cruel. I would never stoop so low to insult him.” 

“Yeah, I know. Now get out of here. I really need to get some sleep. Any Jihoon related question answer can wait.”

Waving him a goodbye, you walked out of the nurse’s cabin, glancing one last time at Jihoon’s bed. 

Maybe his life wasn’t that easy as you had thought it was.

You tossed on your bed once again, sleep being the last thing on your mind. What you learnt today was pulling you down, causing your mind to run around restlessly.

Jihoon was so brave.

You knew how terrible rich kids could be and the fact that he had survived it all these years without letting it affect him so much was… admirable.

Was this why he wanted the tutoring to be done in your house only?

But I wouldn’t have made fun of him…

Then again, both of you were always fighting against each other so he probably couldn’t guarantee that you wouldn’t use it against him.

Once again you wondered what it was like to be him.

Since he wasn’t from an elite family that probably meant he never had the pressure of losing face. How nice it must be… to do well just for the sake of doing well and not because your entire family’s reputation was hanging by the thread. 

One mistake and suddenly no one wanted to do anything with you. Letting out a sigh, you finally sat up, feeling unbearably hot from all the tossing and turning you had been doing. Rubbing your eyes, you reached for your phone and opened the app, searching for Jihoon’s name.

But then you froze, fingers over the keyboard. 

What do I say?

How are you?

But that would mean you saw him in that state and something told you that Jihoon wouldn’t want you to know this information. At least not in this way.

How about… how is your maths prep?

Your face lit up, and you quickly typed in the message and hit send.

There. That was a good message. Just a casual text with nothing implied at all other than how his study was going.

Suddenly, another thought crossed your mind.

Maybe I should call him? That way… you could even sneak in a ‘how are you doing? you sound tired. did something happen’ in between the conversation.

But as soon as the call went through, your eyes fell on the clock beside your bed and you let out a welp.

2:00 AM.

What were you thinking?

Quickly you cut the call and threw your phone across the bed, your heart hammering loudly in your chest.

Calling your enemy at 2 in the night suddenly felt like the dumbest thing you had done in your life. You felt your cheeks heat up when you realised Jihoon would probably tease you the next day for calling him up at such an odd hour.

What excuse could you give? You couldn’t even have ‘accidentally’ called him at this time.

Suddenly your phone rang, causing you to nearly jump. Reaching for your phone, you checked the caller id and you felt your heart stutter a little.

Lee Jihoon

For a second, you stared at the caller id, surprised that he had called you back at this time before you remembered to pick the call. “He-hello?” 

“Hey.” Jihoon’s voice rumbled on the other side of the line, his voice an octave lower indicating that he was sleeping. “What’s wrong?”

“Uhm, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up-” You began rambling, beginning to regret everything now. Why did you think calling him was a good idea in the first place?

“No, no. It’s fine.” You heard him sigh a little before speaking again. “Is something wrong?”

“N-no? Why would you assume that though?”

There was a pause. “I mean, you called me up at 2 in the night. There must be something bothering you a lot, right?”

“I-” You began, not sure how to tell him exactly what was bothering you when it was him that was bothering you. “I, uh, yeah. I- I couldn’t sleep but I didn’t realise how late it was. I’m so sorry.”

You heard Jihoon chuckle. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t have picked it if it was someone else but I figured there must be something wrong if you called me at this time. So tell me sunshine, what's running in that pretty head of yours?”

Your stomach somersaulted at his sudden use of the nickname, but you managed to ignore it. “How- how are you?”

“Uh, you called me to ask how I am?”

A valid question to which you had no answer.

“Yeah, I was wondering- I was wondering if the maths homework I gave was too burdening for you!” You blurted out the first lie that came to your mind.

“How nice of you to be worried about the huge load of work you mounted on me.” He laughed and slight annoyance creeped into you. How was he this joyful after everything he was going through?

“How can you be this carefree with everything that you are going through?” You suddenly snapped, feeling angry at his non cholent behaviour.

He shouldn’t be this non cholent. He didn’t need to be.

Jihoon stopped laughing, his next few words coming out confused. “What do you mean?”

Shit.

“I- I mean,” you began, racking your head for more excuses. “I meant how can you take the homework I gave so lightly!”

“Oh, pardon me then ma’am.” He said, sounding back to his usual self. Yep, he was too good at covering this up. “I shall undertake my homework with the utmost precision and academic rigor.”

“What’s with the language?” You muttered.

“It’s fun pulling your leg.”

“Oh so you admit to torturing me?”

“Come on it’s not torture if you enjoy it too. Don’t you make fun at my expense?”

Immediately guilt racked you. Had you ever made him feel underprivileged compared to you? 

“Well,” you said quietly, “I don’t want to anymore.”

Another pause. “Is everything okay?” Jihoon asked softly.

His voice sounded so soothing, like your heart was the sand and his voice was the gentle waves lapping at it.

Wait, what?

No way you just found comfort in Jihoon’s voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine. What about you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Everything is fine for me too. So no more thoughts ruining your sleep?”

“No.” You sighed, feeling a bit lighter despite not talking about what you actually wanted to. “I think I can get some sleep now.”

“Good. Can’t have you giving up on our rivalry so soon. If you feel like not fighting with me anymore, just talk to me. I’ll rile you up enough.”

You giggled. “Good to know you’re keeping our relationship alive.”

“Anything to see that grumpy side, sunshine.”

“Good night to you too, Jihoon.”

“Earth to Y/N?” Jihoon snapped his fingers in front of your face, causing you to let out a welp as you suddenly grounded yourself to reality.

“Huh?” You asked, smiling nervously as your eyes flicked to the physics book open in front of the two of you to try and figure out what question he might have asked.

But Jihoon caught your eye moment and that bastard just folded his arms over the book, leaning in until you had no choice but to make eye contact with him.

“Am I that handsome that you got lost staring at it?” He smirked.

“Wh- what? What an audacious thing to say!” You spluttered, cheeks heating up. But your eyes once again flicked to his right cheek, where a Mickey Mouse band aid was put on.

“It’s not audacious if it's true. Tell me,” he smirked at you. “Do I look that good?”

“I was looking at your Mickey Mouse band aid! I didn’t expect you to be those kinds of people.” You lied.

Jihoon shrugged. “My little brother gave it to me. So I thought it might look good with my outfit today.”

How did you get hurt? Who hurt you? Is it too much? How are you bearing it all alone?

There were so many questions you wanted to ask, but you were scared to privy into his matters. It was very clear he wasn’t comfortable with most people knowing it considering how you never knew this but you also didn’t want him to feel like you could weaponize this against him.

“That’s cute.”

“You know what’s cuter?” He asked, mischief glinting in his eyes. Oh no. Then leaning in, he said, “You agreeing to everything I was saying because you were distracted by my face.”

You felt your cheeks heat up furiously. “I was not distracted by your face!”

“You know, you have to be more believable than that.”

“Sorry for not being a trained liar.” You spat out, glaring at him. 

“You don’t need to be a liar, just convincing enough.” He stated with a smirk. 

Oh, like you? Maybe that would wipe that smirk off his face but you didn’t want to play dirty or hurt him.

“You know I know I’ve watched this series…” He suddenly began, looking out of your window. “Where two of the most brilliant students clash because they want the other person to confess first… I feel like we are like them except we are trying to get the other person to admit that they are smarter.”

You looked at him incredulously. “Are you comparing us to… Kaguya-sama?”

Jihoon looked at you surprised. “You watch anime?”

“I, uh,” Truth be told, it was your guilty pleasure. No one knew about this little secret you indulged in other than Mingyu because your parents never liked the idea of reading a bunch of comics instead of ‘real’ books and considered it a waste of time but you had loved reading them ever since you were a teenager. “I- I don’t- I mean, yes. I, uh, read manga and watch anime too.” You mumbled, not sure why you were telling him the truth.

You expected Jihoon to start laughing, call this hobby of your childish or something like that but instead, his face lit up in excitement. “Me too! I love anime so much! What’s your favourite?”

“What?” You looked at him confused. He seemed like the last person on planet earth that you would share a hobby with. “You like- you like anime too?”

“Yeah! Oh, have you watched Oshi No Ko?”

“Can you- can you keep your voice down a bit?” You asked, looking nervously at the door. You couldn’t risk letting the maids hear him. But nonetheless when you turned back to look at him you couldn’t help but smile, the enthusiasm in his eyes infectious. 

Jihoon looked so soft and happy right now, a soft halo around his body from the window opposite to him, his eyes almost half moons as he beamed at you. He looked so relaxed right now… like a boy just enjoying his youth.

Not the stressed out, beaten up teenager you had seen the other day. The one fighting to keep his scholarship all these years and pretend like nothing was wrong.

“Sorry, was I too loud?” He asked, still grinning.

It was an odd thing to ask Jihoon to lower his voice because Jihoon was always on the quieter end. Unless the two of you were bickering you had never seen him talk much. “No, but- but, uhm, no one knows I like anime and I would like to keep it a secret.” 

“Ah, don’t worry about that. Your secret is safe with me, sunshine.” He winked at you and you felt your heart skip a beat. 

What was that?

“Thanks.” You muttered, suddenly feeling hot. You turned away from him and took a sip of your water, hoping your cheeks weren’t as hot as they felt. “I, uh, I did watch Oshi No Ko. But I just say the opening music always stole the spotlight for me.”

“Yes, YOASOBI is unparalleled, I’m afraid. Who knew I would find an anime fan in my rival.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s quite unexpected.” You said, smiling at him a little. “I can’t believe we found another topic to talk about other than who’s going to beat who’s ass next test.”

“Hey, I still love those conversations! They are my real motivation.”

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes, biting your lips to prevent a smile from forming. 

“Let’s go to the bookstore together, sometime.”

You turned so fast to face him that you nearly heard your neck snap but Jihoon was busy looking out of the window again.

Did he mean as a date?

Your cheeks heated up at the very thought of it, and you quickly dived down to pull out a notebook from your bag.

“Maybe if Mingyu wants, he could come too.”

Oh.

Feeling like an idiot, you sat up straight and gave him a strained smile, your cheeks on fire even more.

“Yeah sure. We could.”

“And the final answer is A.”

“Oh my god!” You whispered happily, practically stomping your feet in excitement as you drew a slash next to the last question. Glancing through your sheet once more to see if you had missed any circled question, you turned to look at Mingyu.

“I got everything right!” You giggled, just as he too looked at your paper in surprise. His smile grew when he saw all the questions were slashed, looking back at you in equal happiness.

“Congratulations! You scored perfectly in all subjects this time, didn’t you?”

“Yes! Oh my god, I can feel the week’s hard work being rewarded.” You said, feeling happiness surge through your veins. It had been so long since you felt this happy over a test in cram school that it almost felt foreign to you. You had been so stressed out all these days that you had almost forgotten how rewarding and relaxing it felt to score this good.

No wonder Jihoon was always in the mood to tease you.

Suddenly remembering him, you searched the classroom for him. Finally, you saw him sitting in the corner seat and you smirked, thinking of how you would tease him now.

But then you caught his expression and you froze. 

Jihoon looked… anxious. And distraught. You could see him biting his thumb as he looked at his paper, legs all jittery.

Lee Jihoon anxious?

Guilt hit you like a truck as you continued watching him, wanting to go over and comfort him.

How many things was he hiding behind that golden boy facade? How much was he bearing all alone?

You wondered if there was anyone he could freely talk to, someone to help him get the grief off his shoulders. 

Should I go over and talk to him? But he had also told you that he would rather be dead than caught being seen with you.

Then he turned back and his eyes caught yours, and you froze. But Jihoon smiled at you softly, like he wasn’t on the verge of having an anxiety attack a few seconds ago. You forced a smile for him before looking down at your paper, the win leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

Was all this struggle really worth the pain?

Laughter and idle chatter filled the air around you, and you could feel your cheeks getting tired with every passing seconds due to the fake smile you had plastered on your face. Mingyu was on the other side of the table, stuck with some older women who were gushing to him about how amazing their daughters were.

Poor Gyu. You thought, feeling glad that your parents were too busy to try setting you up with future marriage prospects.

Of course, had it been someone else’s party they would have still done it. But since they were the hosts and stuck at the head table, they were too occupied to bother what you were doing.

Picking up the glass of juice you had been drinking since the beginning of the evening you let your eyes idly wander the crowd, taking in the guests. You had been spending the evening with some of your school friends and you hadn’t really had the chance to see who your parents had invited for this party.

You heard someone clink the glass at the table near the podium and you turned towards it, only to find your father standing up with a raised glass, clinking it again to get everyone’s attention.

“Good evening everyone.” Your father began, and you got yourself ready for another of his speeches where he subtly praised himself and put everyone else down. “I hope you all know why we are gathered here today. It’s a great pleasure being able to celebrate such an important milestone in my business with everyone present here.”

You forced another smile for your father as everyone politely clapped. You 

looked around him to see who had the ‘honour’ of sitting right next to him when your eyes fell on the mother and son sitting beside your mother.

You felt your blood drain off your cheeks as you watched Jihoon smile at your father, leaning in to say something to his mother.

What was he doing here? Who invited him? And why?

His mother laughed at whatever he had said and patted his back gently, and you felt a twinge of jealousy. Your mother would have never looked at you that way, let alone comfort you.

Jihoon’s anxious face flashed across your mind and you wondered how nice it must have been to have someone supportive at home.

He reminded you of how lonely you were at times.

“But taking this opportunity I would also like to mention another thing.” Your father continued, and you turned your attention back to him. You would talk to Jihoon as soon as this speech was over.

“I would like to talk about my amazing daughter, who scored a perfect score in every subject last week, something that was a first in the cram school.”

You felt your heart lurch for the second time that evening.

Oh no. Oh no. What was he doing?

You could feel everyone’s eyes suddenly on you, and you chuckled nervously as you looked around the crowd, grasping your clammy hands underneath the table. When your eyes landed on Jihoon, you made eye contact with him, expecting to see his anxious face once again.

Because you were always in this position and you knew how it felt.

But instead… he looked happy. He smiled at you brightly and nodded, as though he didn’t mind the fact you had taken his first place.

No way. He has to be faking it. I’ll go talk to him after this and explain that I didn’t mean to gloat in front of him.

Suddenly it became clear to you why your parents had invited Jihoon and his mother over.

To show you off in front of him. To put him back in his place.

“... and I am so proud of her.” Your father finally finished, locking eye contact with you and you smiled back at him. You could feel the bile rising up your throat, the urge to throw up getting stronger.

You felt so sick. So, so sick.

Was this always the reason your parents wanted you to do well? Because you were just a trophy meant to be shown off.

“Please enjoy the rest of the night!” Your father concluded, and the hubbub filled the room again. Immediately you got up and bolted towards Jihoon’s table.

“We need to talk.” You whispered urgently even before Jihoon had turned to acknowledge you. He looked at you a bit surprised, but nodded nonetheless.

“Mom, this is Y/N.” He introduced her and you gave her a polite smile. “Hi, ma’am.”

“Hi darling, Jihoon has told me so much about you!” She exclaimed and you laughed nervously. “All good things, I hope?”

“Ah, you won’t believe what he said-”

“Okay mom! I’ll be right back!” Jihoon cut her off as he grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the table.

“Where to?” He asked, finally letting go of your arm but you grabbed his hand instead. It was warm in contrast to your cold, clammy ones.

“Let’s go to the garden.” You said urgently, pulling him behind you.

“Woah, what’s the hurry?” He asked, but you didn’t respond. “Is it because of what my mom said? She didn’t mean anything, I swear-.”

“I’m sorry.” You cut him off, finally facing him as the two of you had reached the gardens. Jihoon looked at you confused. You sucked in a deep breath. “I’m- I’m sorry for tonight. Look, I know about your financial situation. So I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry that you got dragged into this.”

Jihoon frowned. “What do you mean? Why are you sorry?”

“Because- because my parents did this on purpose!” You said, a bit exasperated now. How was he not understanding? “They just want to show off, that’s why they brought you here!”

“Are you… pitying me?” He narrowed his eyes at you. “Do you think just because I’m poor, I think my life is horrible and I cannot take some rich bratty girl’s parents’ insults? Do you think I’m such a hopelessly sad case?”

“I didn’t say that!” You snapped. “I just meant that they were trying to put you down!”

“Well, please don’t think I’m this pathetic.” He yelled, equally angry now. “I wouldn’t have come to this stupid party if I didn’t know what I would be expecting. I can handle you rich brats’ privileges very well now. And I certainly don’t need your sympathy.”

“Fine! Go ahead and do whatever the hell you want to!” You yelled, turning away and walking back to the party.

Hot tears pricked your eyes but you rapidly blinked, trying to not let them fall. As soon as you entered the party hall you made your way to the washroom, hoping no one was there.

Finding it empty, you locked yourself up in a stall, finally sinking on to the ground. You let out a sob as the first tear fell, feeling your heart break as you replayed the events that just happened in your head.

Why did you care so much about him? Why did you care if your parents were trying to put him down? Jihoon was your rival after all. You always wanted to defeat him, no matter what.

But right now you just wanted him to be happy. For him to be able to live freely.

You rubbed your eyes as more tears streamed down your face, wishing you had never fought with him in the first place.

Why did you both need to fight all the time? You really liked whatever you had with him. He always took you so seriously and acknowledged your efforts.

You sniffled, a sudden thought occurring in your head.

Oh my god. I like him.

You felt your head spin at the sudden realisation. You liked him. You liked Lee Jihoon. Your rival. The person you absolutely ‘hated’.

And as if that was a cue to your enlightenment, your phone rang. Wiping away your tears once again you looked at the caller id, and you felt your stomach lurch.

Lee Jihoon.

Clearing your throat so that you didn’t sound like you had been crying, you picked up the call.

“Hello?” Jihoon’s voice came from the other side.

“Hey.” You whispered, hoping your voice didn’t sound too hoarse.

“Can we- can we talk? I think there’s something we- I mean, I need to clear up.”

“Okay.” You mumbled. “Where are you?”

“I’m in the garden still. Where are you?”

“Uh, in the washroom.”

He paused. “Oh god, I’m so sorry I messed up big time. I’ll- I’ll explain when you come over.”

“Okay. Give me… some time.” You said, and cut the call. Letting out a breath, you pulled yourself up and exited the stall. You looked at the mirror, your eyes still watery so you splashed some water on your face before exiting the washroom.

Five minutes later, you managed to sneak out of the hall and made your way to the garden where Jihoon was still standing.

“Hey.” You said, once you were right behind him. He whipped around so fast that he almost stumbled back, but managed to catch himself on time.

“Hi.” He said, scratching his neck awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”

You sighed, closing your eyes. “What are you sorry about?”

“I acted like a complete ass. All you were trying to be was nice and explain that you weren’t a part of this hurtful plan of your parents but I just behaved like an idiot and hurt you instead.”

You opened your eyes to look at him for a while. “You did.”

“Yeah, and I’m sorry for that.” He said, refusing to make eye contact with you anymore. “I just- I just… you probably know about my bullying incident because you were there in the nurse’s room that day- yeah, you and Mingyu talk loudly- so I just got really defensive when you said you knew about my financial condition and that’s why you wanted to apologise.”

You sighed, folding your arm and looking away too. “I didn’t mean it that way. If I wanted to hurt you or look at you in disgust, I could have done it much before itself.”

“Yeah, and I realised that now. I messed up big time. I’m sorry.” He said, finally looking up at you.

“Jihoon, I admire you. You are one of the bravest people I know.” You said, looking back at him. “I would never, never ever hurt you, no matter how deep our rivalry goes. It must have been hard, having so much on the line while studying. Because I can relate to that. Maybe you don’t have your entire family’s dignity on the line but you do have something dragging you down. And I- and I care for you Jihoon.”

“Yeah. My mother sacrificed so much for me I can’t-” He choked on his words, screwing his eyes shut and balling his fists. “I can’t let her sacrifices go to waste like this.”

You didn’t know what came over you but the next thing you knew, you had thrown your arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. 

“It’s okay.” You whispered into his ear, gently patting his back. “Your mother loves you a lot. No matter what. I could see it in her eyes. She loves you so much Jihoon.”

You heard him sniffle as you felt his arms wrap around your waist.

“Thank you.” He whispered back. “I want you to know that no matter what you do, I’ll always be proud of you too. I’m honoured to have a friend like you and I’ll always be there for you.”

You chuckled at this and pulled back so that the two of you were looking at each other, faces just inches apart.

“Thought you said we weren’t friends?” You asked.

“Did I?” He asked, one corner of his lip turning up. “That’s probably because I’ve always wanted to be more than friends with you, sunshine.”

You froze in his arms, eyes widening at this sudden confession.

Jihoon just smiled at you, though his eyes looked pained. “I know you’ll hate me more now but I’ve always liked everything about you. Your determination, your hard work, your smartness, your dedication-”

And before he could complete the list of things he liked about you, you found yourself crashing your lips into his, the force nearly causing the two of you to stumble back. But Jihoon caught himself almost immediately, kissing you back fervently.

You felt your entire body explode as he soft lips seared against yours, the world around you slowly spinning out of control. You were acutely aware of his hand on your back rubbing circles, and you tighten your arms around his neck to pull him in deeper.

Finally, what felt like hours, the two of you broke apart to catch your breaths, gasping for air.

“I cannot believe you thought riling me up was the best way to talk to me.” You muttered, lips brushing against his. Jihoon laughed, quickly pressing another kiss to your lips.

“Let’s admit it, it was a smart move.”

“It was a dumb move. I could have hated you more. Thank god I’m the smarter one.”

“It wasn’t. And I’m the smarter one. Oh, and all yours, sunshine.”

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!    

© 𝐆𝐘𝐔-𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓

[waterfal-ling]

zenin's shadow - gojo satoru x reader

SYNOPSIS: Y/N, the outcast daughter of the Zenin Clan, a weapon forged from a forbidden union and raised in isolation. Gifted with immense cursed power, she is treated as little more than an instrument in the clan's pursuit of dominance. Her existence is one of obedience and sacrifice, a life defined by brutal training and a relentless drive to serve. Yet beneath the surface of her rigid purpose, a quiet curiosity about the world beyond the Zenin estate begins to grow. Despite the clan’s control, her strength, independence, and the haunting longing for something more are forces she cannot easily suppress. As she grapples with her role as a pawn in the Zenin Clan’s ruthless games, she must confront the delicate balance between her duty as a weapon and the desire for a life outside their cold walls. In a world where power, control, and family define everything, Y/N must explore the internal struggle of a girl caught between the chains of her bloodline and the faint hope for something beyond the shadows of her clan’s ambition.

GENRE: 18+, angst to eventual fluff

WARNING: graphic depictions of violence, profanity, self-harm, abandonment, mental health struggles, violence, abuse and trauma, gender discrimination (it is the Zenin's afterall), self-discovery -- will probably add more and the warnings for individual chapters if needed, grammar issues here and there - but I will try to catch them if I can.

TAGS: f!reader, strangers to friends to lovers, very slow-burn, angst to comfort to eventual fluff (but angst will be a very on-going thing), gojo being super mean - until he isn't, NOT-ADJACENT (will follow aspects of the original timeline, but I have changed the timings of things - e.g., Haibara and Nanami's mission happens on this chapter prior to the Plasma Vessel mission).

TAGLIST: OPEN

a/n: I have been looking for a story like this and thought "why do I not write it myself." I have not written an actual story in a minuteeee, so forgive me for the lack of dialogue in this chapter - or going forward. I will try to improve my grammar as I go (also shout out to grammarly). Additionally, I want to add that I will try to update every week, but I do have a full time job, so updates may be slow. The first chapter should be posted soon, once I figure out how to post anything since tumblr is not letting me share anything.

COMMENTS, LIKES AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED

CHAPTER 1: The Unseen Edge > next

The Zenin estate stood in eternal silence, a monolithic cold stone structure with a shrouded purpose. With its aged, worn flags, the courtyard stretched out before her like an empty battlefield, the sharp, frigid wind cutting through the air. It was a place where the sunlight seemed unwilling to linger as if even the skies above could sense the weight of the tragedy below. The estate was a labyrinth of oppressive halls and dim corridors, each corner hiding the darkness that held the Zenin bloodline together—secrets buried in the foundation of this ancestral house, its walls as cold as the hearts of those who inhabited it.

Her only companion was her training ground, a narrow courtyard with uneven stones. The world outside the Zenin gates was something she had never seen, never touched. Her hands were pale and practiced, the weight of her cursed tool familiar, though it was more of an extension of her body than anything resembling a possession. Her movements were precise and calculated, but no joy was found in them. There was no pride. There was only the quiet desperation of someone raised to obey, to serve, and never to question.

The Zenin Clan was a machine, grinding its members into a single purpose: power. And yet, she was something of a glitch in the design, a pawn with the potential to shatter the very foundation the clan had built its empire.

She had been born out of wedlock, a consequence of a fleeting affair between her mother—a woman whose name had long been erased from history—and a powerful Zenin man. Her birth was an event hidden from the eyes of the clan, a shame that would never be acknowledged. The moment her cursed energy had manifested, however, it had been impossible to ignore. It surged through her like an ancient, untamed force, a power that could not be contained by the delicate web of family politics.

Despite the tumultuous nature of her origins, her father had been forced to bring her into the fold—though not as a daughter, not as a person of value. She was a tool, a weapon to elevate the Zenin name. To him, she was an asset—a cursed daughter whose energy could be used to tip the scales in the clan's favor. Her mother had given her a name, a gift of love and identity, but that was stripped away with no regard for her. She was only the Zenin daughter, a pawn without a face or voice.

Her father had no interest in her humanity, and the clan, in turn, had no interest in her existence. She was not a daughter—she was the embodiment of their ambition, the living proof that the Zenin Clan could control the most powerful forces, even if it meant sacrificing everything.

From the moment her powers were recognized, she was severed from everything that could have made her feel whole. She was trained in isolation, pushed to the limits of her endurance, her strength honed not for survival but for the singular purpose of being a weapon. There were no games for her, no childhood pleasures. The other children in the clan played and laughed in the sun while she was in shadow. The difference between her and them was glaring and cruel: the boys were the heirs, the future of the Zenin bloodline, while she was nothing more than a tool to be wielded.

Her instructors, cold and distant, did not see her as a person but an instrument. They taught her obedience as much as technique. When she asked why she was always kept apart, the answer was as swift as harsh: "You are a woman. Play is a luxury for those who are born to rule. You must train, or you will never be anything."

Her mind, like her body, was forged in that same fire. Years of such words and training had worn her down and conditioned her to accept this path. But inside, the seed of something dangerous had been planted—curiosity—the longing for something more, for something beyond the endless cycle of pain and obedience. But a longing had to be hidden, buried deep, because the Zenin Clan did not reward curiosity. It punished it.

She had been forbidden to venture beyond the courtyard's walls, but sometimes, the pull of the kitchens would bring her close to the laughter of children, to the food she would never taste. Their joy felt like an unbearable weight on her heart, a reminder of the life she would never live. She had learned to keep her distance, to ignore the hunger gnawing at her soul. It was easier that way.

Her punishment for curiosity came swiftly: a slap across the face when she ventured too close, a reminder that her place was far from those who lived freely. "You are not like them," one of the higher-ranked women had sneered. You are here to serve, to be useful, nothing more."

And so she continued her training, her cursed tool always in hand, her movements becoming sharper, more deadly each day. Her only purpose, as always, was to serve the clan.

The courtyard was empty that day, but the stillness felt like the calm before a storm. She stood motionless, waiting for the mission to begin. Her eyes narrowed as she sensed the presence of cursed energy nearby—an unusual, twisting force that hummed with malice. Her heart quickened, her cursed energy thrumming in response, but she had no time for hesitation. When the mission was assigned, it was simple: eliminate a cursed user. A clean task. One that needed no questions, no emotions—just a job to be done. She didn’t need to know why, or who.

The early morning air at the train station felt sharp against her skin, the quiet hum of the platform interrupted by the steady shuffle of people. She stood at the edge, her gaze distant, feeling the subtle hum of cursed energy around her. She kept her awareness sharp. Her eyes scanned the crowd, but she had little interest in the everyday interactions around her. The sound of chatter, the clattering of train wheels, the laughter—it all blurred into the background. But something in the atmosphere today made it linger.

She noticed two figures standing near the end of the platform, moving in sync, their cursed energy standing out from the rest. Their presence was hard to miss.

One of them was a tall, serious figure—his posture straight, his expression calm but focused. The other was the complete opposite: relaxed, easygoing, his energy light and unburdened. His laugh was effortless, and his easygoing manner was a stark contrast to the first.

The two were talking in low voices, the carefree one laughing at something the other said, a genuine sound of amusement. It made her pause. The first man’s stoic composure was the complete opposite of the second’s casual ease. There was something about the second man—his laughter, his warmth—that made her wonder.

She watched them longer than she intended, but their eyes met for a brief moment. The serious man’s gaze swept across her, holding no judgment, but there was a quiet wariness. The moment passed, and she quickly averted her eyes, returning her focus to the world beyond.

She looked out toward the busy streets. The train station buzzed with life, the sounds of people moving, laughing, and talking. Children played, couples shared moments together. It was all so ordinary. But it felt so alien to her. She had spent so much of her life detached from these small, human experiences. She could only wonder what it would be like to be a part of it—to laugh for the sake of laughter, to live without a mission hanging over her.

Could that ever be her?

She shook the thought from her mind. She had a place, a purpose—moving forward, serving the clan. There was no room for such distractions.

The train ride passed by in a blur, the steady rocking of the carriage almost calming in its predictability. Upon arrival, the routine followed. The serious man and the carefree one stepped off the train together, but their path took them in the opposite direction. They were headed elsewhere while her mission awaited.

She didn't spare them another glance as she moved toward her target—an infamous cursed user whose trail had led her here. Her mind focused, her steps determined. The hunt was all that mattered. There was no room for hesitation or doubt.

As the evening drew near, the streets darkened. She walked through narrow alleys, her movements precise, like a well-rehearsed routine. The pulse of cursed energy was faint, but present—just out of sight. Her senses sharpened as she moved forward, aware of every detail.

But then, something strange stopped her in her tracks.

The veil.

Her cursed energy flared for a moment as the veil shimmered in the distance, a presence far beyond anything she had encountered before. It was overwhelming, ancient. She felt its oppressive weight, and for a brief moment, something inside her hesitated.

She had always been alone—detached from the world and its simple connections. But now, something stirred inside her. The serious man and the carefree one—they were already near the veil, facing this overwhelming presence. Were they truly capable of dealing with this?

She paused. Her instincts tugged her toward them.

For a brief moment, she was torn. Her mission was still the priority, but curiosity held her for a second longer.

The hesitation passed.

She moved toward the veil.

From the shadows, she observed. The two men were already in the midst of the challenge, their energies fighting against the overwhelming force. The carefree one, usually so lighthearted, now had a determined focus. The serious one remained calculated, but neither could match the power of what they were facing.

Her gaze narrowed.

She could end it.

Without a word, she stepped forward. Her cursed energy flared, cutting through the air with precision. In a single motion, the veil was shattered, the overwhelming presence dissipating almost instantly. She barely used any of her power; just enough to break through.

The two men looked at her in surprise.

The carefree one stood frozen, his mouth slightly open, caught off guard by the speed and power. He almost seemed like he might speak—perhaps thank her. But she didn’t wait for it.

With swift, decisive steps, she turned away. The air around her felt charged, like a storm about to break. She didn’t need their questions or gratitude. There was no need for thanks. Their curiosity wouldn’t change anything.

The serious man watched her walk away, suspicion beginning to flicker in his eyes. She could feel it—the shift in his focus.

Their gaze lingered, but she didn't look back.

The hunt wasn't over.

But as she searched for her target, the familiar pulse of their cursed energy faded. The trail was gone.

Had they sensed her power?

A feeling of unease settled in her chest, but she dismissed it quickly. There was no time for questions. The mission would continue, as it always did.

The mission was over, and the Zenin Clan responded swiftly and brutally. They were enraged by her actions, her audacity in interacting with the other sorcerers, and her independence. But their anger was muted by something deeper—the fear that her power was a force they could no longer control.

She was summoned back to the estate, her punishment inevitable. The scars would form, as they always did, the pain a constant reminder of her place. They believed this would break her. But they underestimated her.

The fire in her eyes could not be snuffed out by pain. It was a fire that would burn brighter and hotter until she would rise above them all.

She healed swiftly, the reversed cursed technique working magic on her body, but the scars on her soul remained. They could not touch those.

And so she endured.

She was a weapon, a tool of unimaginable power, but she was not finished yet. Yes, she was a Zenin daughter, but that was not all she was. And she would find a way to be more.

No matter the cost.

But the truth was, she was finished. The Zenin estate had no place for her beyond her usefulness. The fleeting moments when she could glimpse at something beyond the shadows—those brief seconds of curiosity—were long gone. The world outside was an illusion, a dream never meant to be hers.

She would always return to the cold stone, the empty courtyard, the echo of footsteps that meant nothing to anyone but herself.

The Zenin Clan had made her, and they would break her. And in the end, she would be no more than a footnote in the history of their ambition.

A shadow, always watching but never seen. A tool, always wielded but never acknowledged.

In this world, she was extra. Always a part of the background but never indeed seen.

[jeonghantis]

✧ — HEAVEN ANGEL (y.jh)

PAIRING ⇝ yoon jeonghan x reader.

SUMMARY ⇝

beautiful, everyone had called you. the compliment lost its charm on you, knowing fully well it’s paid only for the surface-level appearance you kept up and nothing else you had to offer. irritating, he had called you. you let him fuck you.

TAGS ⇝ uni!au, fratboy!jeonghan, fwb, smut, a dash of angst (oopsy!).

WARNINGS ⇝ language, fem!reader (she/her), houseparty scene (not exactly detailed), gossip, explicit sexual content (MINORS DNI!), bathroom (mirror) sex, unrequited crush (or is it?), reader has commitment issues, reader is kinda mean, mentions of p*ss and sh*t but not in a sexual manner, just for jokes.

WORD COUNT ⇝ 4.1k words.

note: funnily enough, i had two requests specifically for house party sex with yoon jeonghan. i lost the ask for them both (accidentally deleted while my laptop glitched). i am insane. and before anyone asks, yes there'll be a part two/prequel :) and also this is somewhat connected to my upcoming cheol fic. so i hope you stay tuned! proofread by the star of my life @cheolhub. sar fr put up with every version and my constant anxiety over every paragraph. i couldn't have done it without them. i love u so much. @szakias was also helpful in keeping me sane as i wrote this out 🙇 i love u so bad. loosely based on the song heaven angel by the driver era. don't think it'd go with the fic but you know :)

reblogs & comments are very much appreciated.

explicit tags under the cut.

EXPLICIT TAGS ⇝ semi-public setting (bathroom sex while there's a party), unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamics, mean dom!jeonghan, sub!reader, dumbification, teasing, petnames (angel), degradation (whore, bitch), dacryphilia, marking, briefest thigh-fucking, clit stimulation, cumming inside, squirting, light overstimulation, (a little) aftercare.

A strange rumor went around the campus. A rumor of a person whose beauty was so out of this world that it was terrifying. 

Unreal. Everyone had said. You won’t be able to look her in the eyes! 

But beyond that angelic beauty was a personality so sour, no one dared thought to approach her. Those that tried their luck had it beaten right out of them and they came to hate her to hide their broken hearts.

What a bitch, they had said. Does she think she’s all that?

Yoon Jeonghan, for one, thought they were being overly dramatic. It was a strange and interesting phenomenon how gossip can evolve to add in such theatrics. It was like living in one of those regency novels his sister owned which he had perused over on one particularly boring day. Had these people really had nothing better to do with their lives? Were they trying to live in a novel of their own? Jeonghan never understood them, neither cared for these kinds of things. He’d much rather form his opinions. He had better things to do than to dabble in such frivolity. 

What a stuck-up, one would say. What better things could Jeonghan be doing that puts him above everyone else? 

Oh, fucking the subject of the rumors of course. 

“How irritating,” Jeonghan sighed, abruptly ceasing his thrusts inside you to harshly yank you back by your hair. 

You yelp, a deer in the headlights, when your neck is forcibly craned back, made to look up at his looming figure. You looked pathetic from where you were pinned against the wall, exposed breasts pressed flush against the cool tiles and your mini skirt flipped upwards to reveal the swell of your bare ass flattened against his hip bone.

“I said to keep your voice down,” he tuts. “Do you want the whole house to hear you?” 

“I’m s-sorry,” you stammer out, throat raw and chest heaving. 

“Are you?” He mused with a raised brow, mocking and unbelieving. 

You couldn’t meet his gaze, or at least you tried to. Jeonghan liked to make eye contact, he once told you, for he loved to see your sanity visibly ebb away from your eyes, leaving you a mindless, glassy-eyed whore. You had not reached that stage, not yet, not when some semblance of your being remained clear in your gaze, dilated pupils fearfully wavering back and forth between his simpering face and the bathroom door where a rather large, booming frat party laid beyond.

He cocked his head to the side and tightened his grip on your hair, forcing your eyes back on him. He leaned forward until he’s breathing your air, and all you could do is stare up at him pitifully with quivering lips. “Or…” he starts, his lips twisting cruelly. “Do you want them to hear you? Want them hear how good you’re being fucked right now?”

You remain silent, the lump on your throat bobbing as you swallow hard. But your walls tighten around him and Jeonghan couldn’t help the curve of his lips.

“You’re really weird, you know that?” Jeonghan sighed, releasing his hold on you. A lithe finger curls a lock behind your ear, the gesture jarringly affectionate from his prior cruelty, before his mouth moves to hover over it, his warm breath tickling. “You moan loudly when I tell you to shut up. You shut up when I ask you questions. Have I fucked you stupid already? Or have you always been stupid?”

You let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that all you know what to say?” Jeonghan laughs. “A renowned bitch, known to reject her admirers without so much of a second thought, now reduced into this pathetic bitch in heat. What would everyone else think, hm?”

His derogatory spats clamored down to your bones, making you shake with emotions that you couldn’t quite place with your hazed mind. At one point, with the last bit of pride you had left, you’re irritated, and it’s shown in the twitch of your eye and narrowed gaze. Then there’s embarrassment, shown by how your face warms and flushes. There was no denying how fucking dazed and desperate you had been, that much was true, and the demeaning tone of his voice did its job of filling you with shame. The twisted part of it all is that you enjoyed every minute of this ridicule thanks to pure, carnal desire. You couldn’t care less about what other people would say about you, what matters now is when the fuck would Jeonghan move his dick inside you. 

But Jeonghan being Jeonghan, he wanted his answers. His last question was rhetoric. You knew. He knew. And yet he looks down at you with cruel expectancy masked in the sweetest, angelic smile that has fooled so many, and had once fooled you. 

“I-I don’t care,” you say, deciding to be honest. “Who the fuck cares what they think?”

“Oh, but I’d like to know,” Jeonghan said. He hums for a moment, looking you over in consideration, before speaking again. “But you’re right. They don’t matter right now, do they?” 

You release a breath you hadn’t known you were holding.

And Jeonghan watched, amused. He wasn’t done speaking. “But I’d at least like to know what you think.”

You blinked. “What?”

Before you could question him some more, Jeonghan pulls out of you, leaving your weeping cunt fluttering around nothing. You cry out, high and broken, from having pleasure ripped away with such cruelty. Jeonghan ignores it and his own throbbing problem as he goes to peel you off the wall with a rough tug on your arm. He has you by over the sink, has you staring at yourself through the vanity mirror. Jeonghan casts a smile at you through the reflection, his gaze weighted as he drinks in the sight of you as well.

Jeonghan had to admit, the rumors weren’t all baseless. You were stunningly beautiful, there was no denying that when anyone with functioning eyes could see it. The way you carried yourself tells him you’re well aware of it too. You held confidence with a raised chin, an allure with your own posture and stance even in this vulnerable position you were forced in, looking as disheveled as you are with tufts of your hair sticking out in every direction, framing your flushed face. Your blouse had been carefully unbuttoned despite how desperately urgent you both had been for each other the moment the bathroom door shut closed, but the rush was evident in how your bralette had been roughly tugged down enough for your perked breasts to spill over. Jeonghan had been anything but kind to your skin, having left angry red splotches blossoming all over your chest; you weren’t either on his, knowing if Jeonghan had craned his neck enough from behind you, they’d find similar markings on his throat, though considerably less in quantity.

Jeonghan also looked considerably less damning. He had not made moves to remove any of his upper clothing and so he remained presentable with his black varsity over a loose white shirt. Even his long hair had not looked loosened from where it’s tied up. But below, away from the mirror’s sight, his dark jeans had been unbuttoned and unzipped for his curved dick to spring out freely, for it now to rub over your ass teasingly.

“So?” Jeonghan asks. “What do you think of yourself?”

You glare at him through the mirror. “Fucking awful.”

“Of course you’d see it that way,” he laughs, resting his chin on your shoulder. “For me, I think this is the most beautiful you’ve ever been.”

It’s your turn to look unbelieving, but your pulse rouses. 

Jeonghan grinned. “Ask me why.”

You reluctantly indulge him, “Why?”

“Because you finally look fucking awful,” Jeonghan said cheerfully. You turn to glower at him but stop when he lifts a hand to trace a line over your chest, mapping out the marks adorning you with a nimble finger. “And because I’m the reason for it.”

“A little vain, don’t you think?” You remark, albeit breathily, your face heated.

“I can be proud of my work,” he quipped, pressing his smile against your skin. He looks you over once more, taking in every detail down to the last freckle, and something deep in him thrums sweetly. “And I had a beautiful canvas to begin with.”

“How charming,” you sighed, derisive, as you threw your head back against his shoulder so you could look at him with batting lashes. “Can you fuck me now?”

“But I mean it,” Jeonghan murmured and relented, reaching around you so he could press a roughened finger over your swollen clit.

 “Mean what?” You ask, but you’re barely listening, not when your focus is narrowed to the deft circles he’s making on your sweet nerves.

Jeonghan guides his length between your thighs, letting it glide languidly right under your weeping and throbbing cunt at a lazy pace. His lips are still curled, his eyes bright when he gazes down at you before he’s responding, “You’re absolutely beautiful.”

Sincerity was not something you’re used to when it came to the ever sarcastic Yoon Jeonghan, and yet here it was, bleeding into his tone in its purest form. Never in the entire three months of sleeping with him had he ever complimented the way he had just now, and if he had uttered any, it was quickly followed with ridicule or said with ridicule.

Good, he called you when you were obedient.

Cute, he called you when you were crying.

Beautiful. It was new. From him at least. 

It was a temporary moment of clarity in your lust-addled head as you blink at him, making sense of what he had said, making sense of the warmth that starts to bloom throughout your chest. And temporary it remained as Jeonghan led his cockhead right back to your entrance, pushing himself in without so much of a warning, and the bare grasp you had on lucidity loosened.

You gasp out loudly, doubling over the bathroom counter as your walls tense and quiver painfully from the sudden breach, but still yield around him nonetheless. Jeonghan was quick to catch you, to force you right back up with his long fingers encircling your throat. 

“Again?” Jeonghan barked out a laugh but it’s hoarse. “You really want everyone to hear you.”

“I c-can’t help it,” you whined, your head resting weakly against his shoulder, warm breath puffing over his marred skin. 

Jeonghan looked unimpressed. “Well, help it.”

“Oh, fuck!” you cry out when he starts driving into you with no sense of leniency, your body thrown fully forward and voice shaking from the repeated impact that clatters your bones.

“You’re horrible at this,” he cackled. He grips at your hips this time, pulling you hard against him, balls slapping heavily against your ass. He's practically pulling and pushing your cunt onto his cock as if you weighed nothing, as if you were nothing but a cocksleeve for him to enjoy. Each decadent slide of his length in your heat draws out breathy grunts from him, his head drunk with pleasure.

You weren’t faring any better. Your head is thrown back to reveal flushed skin stained with tears that drip from closed eyes as you try desperately to hold yourself up with palms flat against the cold marble counter. There was nothing else for you to do but feel it, feel his cock stretch your pussy, its silken insides practically making way for him with each piston that has you crying out more in volume and pitch.

“Open your eyes.” His hot, staggered breath wafted over your ear. His thrusts ease its pace, slowing into something more languorous and teasing. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

You whine but your eyelids flutter open. Glassy, unfocused eyes find Jeonghan.

A devious smile splinters across his face. 

There you are.

“Please,” you whimper, your hand reaching to paw at his nape. 

“What is it, angel?” His tone is sweet but it rolls off his tongue sharply. “I n-need - ”

Jeonghan laughed cruelly. “I don’t think you’re in the position to demand something from me when you can’t even listen to my one demand.”

You grab at the ends of his hair and rock your hips back into him, fucking your cunt right on his dick in a faster, but struggling, rhythm. 

“Hannie,” you mewl. “You feel too good. Please, please, just fuck me. I can’t help it, I just - Please? I’ll b-be good. Just please fuck me, Hannie.”

Jeonghan doesn’t respond right away to your pleas, allowing himself to revel in the broken desperation you display with an amused smile and delighted throbs made inside your velvety walls. Perhaps Jeonghan should be used to this sight now. He’s seen you in much messier and miserable states, ruined you far worse than he had now. And yet he’s plenty invigorated than he’s ever been, pure excitement searing his veins.

What would everyone else think, hm?

Jeonghan thought it was rhetoric. Jeonghan said it didn’t matter. 

It wasn’t. It did. 

“I don’t think you can be good,” he began as a hand inches forward between your legs, “But if you’re going to be loud, then at least use my name. That way, everyone will know who’s fucking you so good.”

“H-Hannie!” You mewl, oh so pitchy, as your frame jerks from the brush of the roughened pads of his fingers on your clit, pleasure flickering up your abdomen so wildly that you could not easily bear through it. 

“There we go,” he crooned, pride gleaming in his eyes. Jeonghan was much too familiar with your body by now, so it’s easy when his hips brings back its pace, fucking at your insides at an angle so the length of him glides over your sweet nerves with each impact. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” you sob out like a mantra, spreading your legs a little wider to accommodate his brutality, your channel tightening around his throbbing girth. “Ngh, Jeonghan, right there! Oh my god - !”

The nectar that leaks out of you coated his shaft with an amazingly significant amount that makes the slides so much easier and louder, the wet noises bouncing off the four walls and meshing with your own cries of his name like he wanted. It was almost enough to drown out the muffled music of the party that seemed many worlds away now.

Jeonghan soon enough joined in this sinful chorus, letting out panted moans of his own. Some were incoherent but when it wasn’t, it was mostly your name, just in case everyone couldn’t tell who was screaming his name like a wailing prayer. How he’s managed to keep himself restrained and sane for this long was a strong feat in itself. Your everything put him in a trance, every touch of you—nails, fingers, and obviously your tight cunt, was a little too much, it was dizzying. 

Even at your seemingly waning state, your hips somehow finds itself moving back against him, undulating with the same force and rhythm. You’re driven by the tightness both in your chest and in your abdomen, white flashing across your vision the more you keep up your pace, your moan becoming more muddled as your thoughts were. And when balance fails you, having you bow back down and lean all your weight on your forearm, Jeonghan inclines with you, his chest pressed right against your back and you could feel his raging heartbeat that very well matched your own.

“How are you holding up, angel?” He chuckled and pressed his face against your neck, his breathing hard and warm on your skin, as his thrusts become more shallow. “Doing okay?”

“I-I’m close,” you whimper. “Please, Hannie - ”

“I’ve got you,” he whispered back as nails dig crescents on your waist, muscles flexing as the intensity of his strokes inside you extends once again and remains at the same tempo. He doesn’t know what came over him the next moment, his senses just completely overtaken and all he could do was be at awe at all this perfect bliss you’re bringing him, and only him. “You’re mine tonight,” he breathed. “I’m going to fucking ruin you for everyone, angel, you understand that? You’re mine.”

There it was again. The clarity. The warmth. It all happened in a single moment.

You turn your head and stare up at him. Jeonghan stared right back at you. A completely indecipherable expression confronts another.  

Where it had been temporary then, it intensified now. Where there had been questions, suspicions took its place. 

Then came fear.

Jeonghan catches a glimpse of it in your eyes and for the very first time, his stomach sank at the sight of it. 

But his facade is flawless. It comes too naturally before he’s fully aware—a sweet curl of lip, the faintest crinkle at the corners of his eyes. He’s fooled too many. He could fool you again. 

Jeonghan takes advantage of your moment of daze to toy once again with your clit, and is relieved at how immediate your body reacts. 

“Ngh, J-Jeonghan!” You keen high as you reach a hand to cup over to where his fingers flicks and pinches at the delicate bud, pressing down on him for added pressure to alleviate your own self. Oh, how embarrassingly easy it was for your thoughts to be completely overwritten by your own lustful desires, but as you have learned, it always prevails, doesn’t it? 

Your thighs seize up from the overwhelming pleasure crawling up your spine; while your rhythm falters from it, Jeonghan’s is relentless even when his own breathing turned ragged and his body strained from the effort. It all becomes so much so fast; the feverish heat spreads under your skin, tightening up coils in your abdomen, but your frame is trembling, as if a chill settled so deeply into your bones. 

“Hannie, Hannie, I’m going to -”

“I know,” Jeonghan grunts as his face falls in the juncture of your neck, lips pressed right over your pulse point. He can feel your walls start to restrict around his twitching girth, and it did little to aid his own self-control. “Let go for me, angel. C’mon. Let me hear you. Let them hear you.”

And you do. With the most shrilling wail, you come, your warm release spilling onto his cock and, much to your surprise, squirting onto themselves, their clothes, and his hand. 

“Holy shit,” Jeonghan marveled under his breath. If he could burn a memory into his brain, this would be fucking it. Just you shivering and quivering around his dick. Your back prettily arched back with tits hardened and perked. The fluids spurting all over yourself and him so shamelessly and so intensely until you're convulsing back down on your front from it all. 

Watching this whole brilliance of you, just reminded Jeonghan of how lucky he truly was to have you like this, to be able to make you this fucked out with crossed eyes, pupils blown wide out of proportion. Hidden concerns were washed away by this single glance, replaced with nothing but gratitude, pride, and true bliss. And with all that and a poorly thrown out warning, he’s thrown over the edge. A moan is punched out of his gut as he’s releasing inside you with one last valiant thrust, his cum white and hot as it spurts and paints your walls.

And poor you having to tolerate this continued abuse of your insides that pushes you close into the sphere of overstimulation. You’re spent, fatigue already ebbing into your consciousness, but you stay still for him, letting him use you for all your worth until the last few twitches of cock, until the last few spews of his cum is fucked back into you.

For the next few moments, only a dulled bass fills the air as two heaving bodies try to steady themselves. When the remnants of carnality wane, Jeonghan finally pulls out of you, your channel left with nothing but their shared release dripping out of you, beading down your legs. There’s a crack of a smile thrown your way through the reflection just as you feel a light tap made over your cunt. You resist the urge to roll your eyes at the gesture. And to rock back into it.

“If I clean you up,” Jeonghan began, eyeing the puddle on the floor, “could you help me with the rest of your mess?”

Now you did roll your eyes. “Ever the gentleman.”

“Hey, I just thought I should ask. It’s a lot.” 

Your face warmed up. “Forget it, I’ll clean myself up. You clean the floor.” You move to lift yourself up from the counter, but catch yourself as your muscles start to strain, limbs shaking. 

Jeonghan raised a brow.

You winced. “Can you help me over to the toilet?”

 “Need to piss it all out again?” He jests and takes a hold of your arm to gently pick you up. 

You sneered. “That wasn’t piss, asshat.”

Jeonghan laughed. “I know it wasn’t. But it was hot as hell.”

“Shut the hell up.”

That only made him laugh again.

Then came a knock, a very aggressive one.

“Yoon Jeonghan, are you done fucking in there?” Said a male voice beyond the door, sounding just as irritated as his knock was. 

“Ah, damn,” Jeonghan muttered quietly to himself, then raised his voice at the door, “There are other bathrooms, Cheol!”

Choi Seungcheol, you now recognized Jeonghan’s fellow frat brother, responded right away. “All occupied! Can you hurry your shit up?”

“No!” said Jeonghan, but he’s quick to guide you over next to the toilet with an arm now encircling your waist; you tell yourself this was just a helpful gesture, but there’s no helping how your skin heats up under his touch. From where you stand leaning against the wall, you watch him rush around the bathroom, first cleaning himself up and shoving his dick back in his jeans before he throws a clean towel down on the floor to soak up your mess.

“I’ll leave first,” Jeonghan explained as he sauntered back to you with soap and another fresh towel in hand, setting them down where it’s within your reach. “I’ll appease Cheol first and buy you some time to clean up.”

“Is he always so impatient?” You asked.

“Always,” he sighed, “but once I explain, he’ll understand. I don’t know why he’s fussier than usual though.” 

“Maybe he needs to shit.”

“Shitting at a party? That’s disgusting of him.”

“He has no respect for the partygoers out there.”

You exchange grins with each other. 

Then another round of knocking came around.

“In a minute!” Jeonghan called back, trying to sound calm but his face was scowling. He lowers his voice when he speaks to you again, “Are you sure you don’t want any help? Now I just want to make him wait.”

“Go,” you tell him and wave him off. “He sounds like he’s about to kick the door open. I’d rather not have that.”

Jeonghan huffed a laugh at that. “I wouldn’t put it past him.”

Jeonghan turned to leave. Your heart lurched from your chest.

“Jeonghan?” You call out before you could stop yourself.

He looked back. “Hm?”

“Do we…” You didn’t know what to say, how to phrase it. “Should we talk about it?”

It was miniscule, but you caught his wince. “Talk about what?”

“About what you said?”

“Angel, I said a lot of things.”

“Don’t play stupid with me. You said - ”

Another loud knock, quickly followed by Seungcheol yelling. “Jeonghan! Hurry up!”

Jeonghan let out another sigh, a mix of annoyance with a tinge of relief. “We’ll have to talk about it another time.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Jeonghan - ”

“We will talk about it,” he said firmly, his tone spoke of sincerity, but his face said otherwise. “Just not now. Not yet.” 

You gave him a skeptical look. 

He tried for a smile, perfectly saccharine. You saw right through it.

“Fine,” you relented.

Jeonghan gave you a grateful nod of his head and made a move to leave again. You watch again with the strangest restriction in your chest.

“Cheol, you have got to learn patience,” Jeonghan said once he cracked the door open.

“And you have got to learn to be quiet,” the disembodied voice of Seungcheol parried back. “I’m sure the people passing the hallway could hear you both.”

“Well, we were trying to get the whole house to hear us.” Jeonghan spared a quick glance your way and grinned. You wanted to punch his teeth in.

Seungcheol groaned. “Of course you fucking were.”

Jeonghan laughed and finally stepped out of the bathroom. “At least I’m getting my dick wet. You haven’t been with anyone since - Oh, I spoke too soon. Cheol, you sneaky son of a - ”

The door shut closed behind him, leaving you all alone, and you buried your face in your hands.

© jeonghantis. all rights reserved. do not re-publish, translate, plagiarise, edit any of my work on any other platform.

[noxiatoxia]

Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc Beta Sprites found in the Demo

I always lamented about the lack of THH beta sprites as opposed to SDR2. It just seemed there were very little out there. And while true that SDR2 has far more easily-obtainable beta sprites, it turns out I was just being a little short-sighted.

I looked in places that I looked for SDR2 beta sprites. Old gaming articles, other games that mistakenly use beta sprites (like UTDP or DRS), merchandise...and found nothing (much).

But you know what THH has that SDR2 doesn't? A demo version.

Somehow, it never crossed my mind! I had always passively known about the PSP demo version - you know, the one where Hagakure dies - but never thought to actually check there. Until now.

And wouldn't you know it, a number of the sprites used in the demo are beta renditions!

So, preamble over. I will be covering all I know about beta THH sprites so far...from the Demo version.

As always, this post exceeded 30 images, so for the part two covering the full body sprites, please click here (it's a reblog).

If you want to look at these sprites without the GIFs, or have them for yourself, I uploaded them all here on the Spriters Resource!

Also, something I can't share over text so I took a video. The sound effects in the beta version are different, for what it's worth.

You can already tell Fujisaki looks weird, right?

Okay, for real. Let's get started.

Firstly, I'm going to go in alphabetical order by last name. I'm also going to only cover the sprites that are for sure different or might be different. Sprites where I found 0 difference whatsoever will not be shared, of course. Some characters lacked any sprites with differences.

Also, sorry for the small image quality in advance. PSP sprites, you know how it is.

Asahina Aoi

While none of Asahina's sprites are changed, her testimony truth bullet is a different story.

Overlaying her final sprite, it's like night and day. Her eyes were made smaller, her eyelashes lessened, hair bigger...clearly, while her in-game sprites remain the same as they do in the final version, this truth bullet slipped through the cracks.

Interestingly, this oversight slipped through into the final game.

However, it was correct in the Vita re-release.

The Vita version would go on to become the base version of the game for North American players and every subsequent re-release (Steam, Xbox, etc.) in other words, this oversight can only be found on the original Japanese PSP release.

This is not uncommon. SDR2 has its fair share of PSP oversights and glitches, as I've discussed here. DR1 has another one which I talked about here. I will also be speaking about PSP oversights in another post soon.

Enoshima Junko (Ikusaba Mukuro)

Enoshima has one sprite that is different from the final version, and it is extremely minor. Look at her nails. Yeah, that's it.

However, this small change has an interesting background.

In the Demo version, they were originally going to be tipped white to match the red-and-white bow on her head (likely). The final sprite has her nails be a solid, bright red.

To get a better look, here's a higher-res version of the sprite from the Vita, which uses the final PSP sprite:

Full red nails.

Now, here's the full-body of that same sprite, again used in the Vita, PSP version, and Demo:

White tips!

It looks like they forgot to go back and fix it for the full-body as well, so the change only persists for the half-body sprites.

All of Enoshima (Ikusaba's) full-body sprites have white tipped nails.

What's even funnier (and cool!) is that I found that DRS not only uses PSP sprites that were then fixed/changed in the Vita release of THH, but also uses beta sprites. Up until now, I thought this was only true of a select few SDR2 characters, but I have found many incorrect sprites for Kirigiri and Kuwata specifically.

And for Enoshima...

The white-tipped nails make a return!

BTW, this is true of all Enoshima/Ikusaba sprites. Seriously, go compare any sprites where she has her nails showing from THH to DRS...

Sorry, I went on a tangent. I can't help it with these things.

If you're wondering why it was changed, my only guess is, because of the PSP's poor resolution, the team thought it would look too confusing to put so much detail into such a small area. So, they just made them solid red in the end. I doubt bringing them back for DRS was intentional, as so many beta sprites are used in that game that it makes my head spin, it was probably on accident like the rest of them. To be fair, most people wouldn't realize they grabbed the wrong sprite with a detail this small.

Fujisaki Chihiro

Fujisaki is a very interesting case. For one, all of his demo sprites are shorter than the final version. Because of this, in the comparison GIFs, the beta sprite will have an empty gap below it. I suppose they wanted him to be taller in his final sprites, so they moved him up a little.

But because of this - and because it looks like they did some color adjustments - it was impossible to perfectly sync them up. The colors are just processed differently. Because of how small PSP sprites are, it's hard to tell if very minor differences are real differences, or just pixelation differences caused by the sprite being compressed and are unintentional.

This first GIF highlights this well. Obviously, the demo sprite adds a softening affect to the colors and outlines, whereas the final sprite lacks these and appears brighter and more bold. It is then hard to tell if many of the differences are a result of this, or are actual tangible differences.

This one is much more noticeable and verifiably different. And...I actually really prefer the demo version over the final sprite. The bigger arm looks nice on him, but most of all, I like the sort of demure but disinterested look he has without the blush. It's so much cuter to me!!

Unlike above though, I think the final sprite is much better here. The demo version looks unfinished and kind of goofy. They slimmed his face down, reworked the mouth, and made the shading darker. The blush is a bit overkill in my opinion, but overall I like the look of the final sprite more. It's so fascinating to see these beta sprites and see how they decided to go about reworking them into their final versions. Sometimes, the direction the beta was in may look better to you. Other times, you're so glad they decided to go back and change it.

Only 3 differences I can spot with this one (that for sure aren't a result of the compression): his left eyebrow was moved down a little, his shirt collar was edited a tad, and they forgot to make the space between his neck and right hair strand transparent, which they fixed in the final sprite.

If you're using dark mode, you won't be able to catch that last one. Change your Tumblr theme to a lighter color (white would be best) and then look - it's very clear then.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka

You know what's funny? Ishimaru has the opposite problem to Fujisaki. His final sprite was lowered instead of raised. So, in these comparison GIFs, the one with a transparent gap below it is actually the final sprite, as I had to raise it up to match the demo sprite.

Again like with Fujisaki, some differences may be caused by compression.

His right shoulder button was raised in the final sprite, and his mouth was made into a thin line. His eyes were also flattened at the bottom more, overall giving him a sterner look. It seems his uniform collar was also raised and straightened out. I feel these very small changes did a lot over all. The amount of flat, straight lines added really hit home with giving Ishimaru the upstanding, straight-laced feeling his final character has.

This one is interesting, because it's one of those things you don't notice until it's pointed out. The final version has this sort of dusky air brush affect around the clothes, while the demo version is completely white. I never noticed that until doing this comparison. It seems a strand of hair on the right side of his head right next to his eye was shortened, and the buttons on his collar were forgotten in the beta sprite, but fixed in the final.

I'm grouping these two together as they're very similar sprites with similar differences. Both sprites had the right side of the uniform collar shaved off a bit, and they also had the button threads rounded to better fit the curvature of his chest. It seems the top sprite also had a thicker thumb in the original demo sprite.

While the right shoulder button is made smaller in the final sprite, the biggest difference here is Ishimaru's left eye. The outline was much thicker in the demo sprite, and was erased a bit for the final sprite.

Lastly, this one probably has the least amount of differences. The shoulder pad&buttons were modified just slightly, and maybe the hands were changed too? But it's hard to tell if it's genuine or just the image compression.

Kirigiri Kyouko

Firstly, I want to point out that a majority of Kirigiri's sprites were off-center in the demo. Here's the comparison before I centered them:

Here is the corrected (as best as I could) comparison:

It seems with the exception of her mouth being moved down like, one pixel, it's largely the same.

The beta sprites are also generally taller for Kirigiri, hence the weird cut off. Anyhow, the main change here is her mouth and nose, which were redrawn significantly closer to the middle of her face.

In this sprite, her whole face and jawline was reworked to be less tilted.

You gotta admit, this one is pretty funny. A comparison GIF between the two sprites makes it look like she's bopping to some music, haha.

But anyways, a lot was redone here. Her entire head - hair and all - was redrawn to be more tilted. She also wears a more thoughtful expression in the final instead of appearing like she's asleep. Her shirt collar was also touched up to fit the new head tilt.

Still, I really like this sprite. It's different enough to the point that it feels like it could be an extra sprite for Kirigiri. I think that's really, really cool.

Kuwata Leon

It's pretty obvious to see why this one got changed. The left side of Kuwata's face is somewhat asymmetrical, and so it was redrawn to be fixed. He used to have a cute eyelash, but it got removed. His grin also used to be a little wider.

Yet another one you'll have to turn off darkmode to see! For some reason, the beta sprite has this weird black dot hovering by Kuwata's right fist. No clue why, and it was removed come time for the final game.

Maizono Sayaka

Maziono has a similar edit made to her that Fujisaki did. Her beta sprite lacked a noticeable blush, so it was upped in the final version. Her face shape was also made fuller, and her right eye edited a tad.

Togami Byakuya

For Togami, they made his eyes less narrow, his nose longer, and his mouth more clearly a frown.

Yamada Hifumi

As you can see, Yamada's hairline was fixed on the left side of his head. His mouth was given minor touch-ups, the details on the glasses were also reworked, and most prominently, they added a shadow over his face in the final sprite.

Alright, so that's it for the half-bodies. In Part 2, I'll look at the full-body sprites, as some characters have unique sprites that are only used in the trials (like Naegi!). So please check that it!

[jubileeena]

BEHOLD: MALWARE AU

So. We all know Turbo. He's kind of the flavour of the month right now. He's a horrible little piece of shit and we love him for that!

As a result of a couple posts that I'll link when I'm on desktop (or you can look through my blog its some of my most recent reblogs) and That One Video Essay I got to thinking about how much of Turbo's actions came from his nature, what cropped up out of desperation and jealousy, and what came from the nightmare virus that ate him. Then I got to writing. A lot. And now I have a monster fanfic that might or might not ever get written but I might actually explode if I don't share some of it.

This snippet revolves around Vanellope, mostly, and my continuous ongoing realization that modding/slightly retexturing video games is actually a lot easier than I thought it was. Enjoy!

Prologue

Vanellope hasn't been a part of her own game for 15 years. It's long since figured out how to function around her, but now King Candy's been dealt with via hot cola insecticide and she adamantly refuses to ride in his little vanilla-white kart. Not with her own baby waiting right there for her.

Except the game really really wants her to.

The kart bakery is supposed to be a fun side minigame. The kart lasts until the player stops feeding the game quarters, then it will restore itself to the default kart for the racer.

She's been carefully ignoring the crackling parts of code that bubble up around her when she revvs the engine too hard for days now, telling herself it was just remnants of her own glitch messing with her driving. But right after she crossed the finish line at the end of the final race of that day, it glitched so badly she was left lying on the track as it rammed itself into the boundary.

She'd spent most of that evening moping around and complaining under her breath about the mess her predecessor had left her - - until she thought huh. If Turbo could program his whole throne-stealing butt into the game, why couldn't she just... Slip in and fix her kart?

Sour Bill didn't seem happy at all when she slipped behind the curtain of her throne room (bleh. Needed to redecorate that soon. Way too princess-y for her taste), but he dutifully agreed to stand guard as she followed the instructions on the handy little piece of paper that lay discarded on the floor.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, START

Yes! She jumped into the darkness without thinking, entranced by the nebula of nodes and string of information that made the glitch constantly buzzing under her skin sing.

This is what she was meant for. This was why the game kept her around. It loved her.

Her node was easy to find, set in the center as it was with streams of code coming from it. She blipped up to it, and kicked her feet excitedly as she floated in place, and tapped it to enlarge it.

Wow, it really was easy. All she had to do was find her primary kart file, and swap it with the one in the Bakery's subfolder that held the information for her baby, and that was that. No wonder King Boogerface managed to mess things around so much, if what was all it took.

Task complete, she turned around to try and reorient herself to find the exit again, but a flickering node caught her eye.

It was strobing worse than any of the others, and there was no visible text on it to give any clue as to what it could be. She blipped over to it and tapped on it-

Only to be thrown backwards as it quadrupled in size, mangled streams of code now visible through it's translucent surface.

She glitched again to lose her momentum and stop somersaulting through the void, then back towards the code box. She reached a hand inside and flicked her wrist in a movement she instinctively remembered, and pressed confirm when the prompt came up to clear the cache memory.

It spluttered for a moment, then as if expelling a sickness the darkness bled from the body of the node and dissolved into the void, leaving behind a little red code box, smaller and less defined than the rest, connected to everything with only a thin strand but with it's pixelated text quite clear for her to read, and her breath hitched.

Turbo

[thespiritbee]

TADC SPOILERS

Warning: SPOILERS FOR GLITCH'S LATEST VIDEO ABOUT THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS!

I've been nonstop thinking about the latest video and the characters and scenes showcased so I thought I'd make a post mostly comparing Gooseworx's teaser and the characters shown while also analyzing it (I will be making a separate post to analyze the locations, scenes, and characters though-)

(For simplicity, I will be calling these ones by their colors ^^)

Starting with Blue, I believe that he's this guy

Since they have the same color and body shape, it also looks like he's working in the same place that Jax was thrown into (Which looks to be called Spudsy's??)

With Pink, she looks like this Candy Queen(?) *Princess Loolilalu (She got a name while in the middle of making this- Name source: Gooseworx reblogs)

She has the same type of gloves and the dresses look very similar, It also looks like Princess Loolilalu be the ruler of Candy Canyon Kingdom (Which honestly deserves a post of its own-)

(Small detail I noticed when looking back is that the characters seem to be very simplified in the cameraman teaser- Pink's dress has no visible detail while The Candy Queen *Princess Loolilalu has sprinkles and icing- I'm probably overanalyzing that tho)

Moving along to Green, they line up with this character pretty well

They both have a glow along with the same hat shape

Lastly is White, which I couldn't find any real character that matches their design enough to make a real solid connection??

White seems to vaguely resemble Frogni (Yknow Concept Pomni), but there isn't any showcased characters that look like that. Although!!

Their appearance does seem to be the same thing that Gummigoo is, so my guess is that they'll appear in the same episode.

That's the end of my rant, thanks for reading!!

[the-most-humble-blog]

🧬 YOU WERE NEVER THAT PERSON — JUST A BODY HOLDING OLD CODE

A Blacksite Literature™ Entry on Shame, Memory, and the Ship of Theseus <div style="white-space:pre-wrap">

---

You ever look back at your younger years and want to vomit through your soul?

Not because you failed a test or missed a chance —

but because of something cringe.

You said something awful.

You laughed when someone cried.

You made a joke that haunts you in the shower to this day.

Or maybe you just existed in a way that makes your spine seize now.

So what do you do?

You flinch.

You try to forget.

You tuck it in the sock drawer of your subconscious and hope no one ever brings it up.

But here’s the twist:

You didn’t do that.

🚨 Let me repeat:

You. Didn’t. Do. That.

The person who did that?

They’re gone.

Replaced.

Dismantled.

Obliterated and rebuilt one molecule at a time.

You think the shame is coming from “accountability.”

It’s not.

It’s coming from a biological ghost in your bloodstream —

a false memory engine powered by a glitch called stream-of-consciousness illusion.

Let’s break this down.

Your body is a clump of regenerating meat.

And every 7 years or so, it has replaced nearly every cell.

Your stomach lining? Rebuilt every few days.

Your skin? Fully recycled.

Even your bones — they shed and replenish.

Your brain?

Not as stable as you think.

New grooves. New chemicals.

Same voice that says “I am” — but different wiring beneath it.

You are not the same iPhone from 10 years ago

just because it has your Nana’s number saved.

You’ve updated.

Deleted apps.

Changed the wallpaper.

Upgraded the camera.

Smashed the old screen.

Replaced the battery.

The only thing consistent is the illusion of continuity.

And that illusion?

Is your ego’s defense mechanism.

🛠️ This is the Ship of Theseus Problem:

If you replace every plank of a ship, one by one,

and sail it through storms and salt and time —

is it still the same ship?

Philosophy says:

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Reality says:

You’re not a ship.

You’re a haunted operating system riding inside flesh.

And the user agreement expired the last time your cells turned over.

So that shame you feel?

Let it breathe.

Then let it go.

You’re feeling guilt for a version of yourself

that died without a funeral.

👁️ Want Proof?

Let’s run a test.

Think of something deeply shameful you did years ago.

Something you’d never want public.

Got it?

Okay. Now ask:

Would today-you

say that?

Do that?

Laugh like that?

Ignore that person’s cry?

If the answer is no,

then the person who did it doesn’t exist anymore.

You're dragging shrapnel through a field where the war ended.

And let’s be real:

Would you blame your friend for something their little brother did ten years ago?

Because that’s what your past self is now.

A little brother you outgrew.

A version of you that cracked its voice and thought it was deep.

A haunted screenshot in the memory cloud of a newer, sharper device.

Let’s keep it simple for now.

Because the deeper truth?

Even the part of you that says “I am” might be a fabrication stitched together by hormones, trauma, and your latest Netflix binge.

But we’ll save that breakdown for another post.

For now, let this land:

You’re not who you were.

So stop punishing yourself for what someone else inside your skin did.

And if anyone tries to remind you of it?

Smile.

And whisper:

“That wasn’t me. That was a prototype.”

</div>

✅ CTA Stack:

Reblog if you’ve ever had a shame flashback you didn’t deserve.

Like if your old self is dead and you’re not attending the funeral.

Follow @the-most-humble-blog for scrolltrap revelations, cognitive disobedience, and ego-deconstruction rituals.

---

⚖️ Blacksite Literature™ Disclaimer:

This post is not advice.

This is a psychological sedative disguised as clarity — designed to soothe guilt while severing identity anchors.

If your shame blinked and vanished mid-read, good.

That means the scrolltrap worked.

© Blacksite Literature™ | We don’t heal. We upgrade.

[magisolsmiles]

TOA Anniversary Munday

(TY for the template Neffi!)

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: Queen

Pronouns: She/Her

Birthday (no year): October 18th

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Netherlands, CEST

How long is your roleplay experience? Uhhh about 10 years now I'd say?

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? Gamefaqs had a thread where you could create your own Fire Emblem Fates character. I joined out of curiosity when i was like 13 or so and things just kinds went from there.

How were you introduced to TOA? Rosie, my online big sis, sometimes shared snippets of her experiences with me. I got curious and the rest is history.

Do you have any pets? I have an elderly doggy named Beef :)

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) Winter, definitely. I'm a cold over heat kinda girlie and I like the early nights and cold weather. Perfect for soup!

What is your IRL occupation? IT support service worker and Maid Cafe waitress during the weekends.

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? I'm big into cooking, gardening and cleaning.

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Final Fantasy, Genshin Impact, Persona, Danganronpa, Pokemon, Tales of, Uchikoshi games, just to name a few. Also big into Otomes and BL games.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Fairy! Favorite is probably Sylveon and Vivillon.

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! - I am an auntie to 3 adorable little nephews. Love babysitting them :) - Truly I am a girly girly girl. I love pink and cute things and all that goodness. Always have firmly believed that femininity is strength and anyone who disagreed with me has been ground to dust under my heels :) - I used to have a YT channel where I uploaded my own vocaloid covers. I stopped though because I lost interest and the videos gained little traction.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? *Deep sigh* Ike x Marth Yaoi during the Smash Bros Brawl days.... This was before I knew anything about either character and just thought they looked cute together.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? All of them except for Gen 2 of Genealogy (glitches killed that run) as well as Thracia. I'll get to them someday...

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: My First game was Shadow Dragon. My favorite is a tie between Sacred Stones and Three Houses

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Ashe, Ewan, Nils, Nina, Dimitri

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Wolf. This was because I was still young and just entered my "started liking boys that weren't squeaky clean" phase.

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 Dimitri.. If you know me you know I'm down horrendous. Sorry kwdjwkdj. Chrom and Xander are also hot.

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Chrom forever and always. - Fates: Tsubaki was my first. Nowadays its Xander, Jakob or Shigure. - Three Houses: Dimitri. Its always Dimitri. If I play BL and I don't choose Dimitri I have been killed and replaced. - Engage: Diamant was my first! I also really liked Kagetsu and Amber.

Favorite Fire Emblem class? Dancer!

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? I'd be the cleric that needs to be babied at first but gives cracked heals later on. High magic/speed/resistance, low Strength/Defense.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran) Blue Lions baybeeeeeeee

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boons: Faith Reason Authority - Banes: Axes, Brawling, Heavy Armor

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon) Wherever Kagetsu's from.

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) To-ah.

Current TOA muses: Ewan, Nils, Byleth M

Past TOA muses? Uhhh from the top of my head: Saleh, Rolf, Nina, Takumi, Male Corrin.

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Ewan was my first! I don't think I'll be dropping him for a long time as he's just become so special to me :)

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? Characters that put up a front of being easygoing or simple, but have a lot of inner troubles they hide from others. Those that like to make others happy.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? Very masculine types. Manly Men or Muscle Himbos are characters I greatly enjoy but just don't like to write.

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I like writing scenes where characters bond with each other, either over an earnest heart to heart or silly shenanigans.

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I would love to write a scene where the mask just fully crumbles and the entire truth is revealed about my muses deepest feelings. Also for Byleth specifically I'd love to write post timeskip scenes where he's in touch with his emotions and takes on the role of Archbishop.

Favorite TOA-related memories? A specific one was Andrei's turnaround on Ewan during the halloween candy game. It was one of the first major bonds Ewan would end up developing.

Present or past tense? I Try to say I'm past tense mostly but sometimes I jumble things up a little.

Normal size text, small text, no preference? I've started trying small text recently, but I'd say I have no real preference.

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Nope! I think I'm set for now. There is one character that, If the opportunity ever arises I'd want to get but not right now.

[asksuperlightextras]

small sponsor!

started listening to this podcast, I’ve been into the Sci-Fi and paranormal stuff for a while and thought y’all would like it!

warning this podcast and its episodes do contain swearing, gun shots, glitching effects, radio static and may alter your thoughts on the paranormal, depending on your opinion on it and how the podcast may sound to you,-

but anyway that’s all I have to say today! Reblog, like, comment, do whatever you’d like, and I might make some more podcast sponsoring, and one day start up my own podcast on Spotify, really depending on your thoughts, so hey;

I can do a podcast on anything and everything! Like school drama, musical opinions, TADC, MD (murder drones) I’ll also do game series like FNAF, Minecraft, animal crossing, Roblox, Pokémon you name it! (Maybe not PS games tho, let’s stick to Nintendo and mobile)

have fun listening y I the podcast, and I’ll be back with ya in a day to check the results

[detectivehole]

are you ok? 😭😭😭 i thought my tumblr was glitching but its just you reblogging nicolas cage head on fire a million times

its called mascposting [citation needed] and it's not nick cage

skull ^

[catsarepricks]

Who else got an ex who's still randomly blocking them on random apps every few weeks even tho its been over for months 😭 not blocked on here yet tho because he likes to stalk my reblogs at like 3am x

Yes bro I can see you going online the second I post and offline exactly an hour after I last posted when ur up at night ☝️🤓 I thought it might be a glitch then tested it on 2 different days multiple times to be sure and YET you blocked me on steam of all places today LMFAO you keep doing this on different sites every few weeks but trust me twin I dooont want to talk to u otherwise I would've already?? I AM actually over you because its HARD to want people like you in the end, so I'm not a threat or whatever ❤️ if I cared like that dont u think I'd be blocking u first ☝️ ur not important to me anymore bro move on too since YOU wanted it over twin x

You'll keep your actually creepy stalkerish 'ex' u knew for 2 weeks (that kept stalking and obsessively posting abt u for 2yrs) added on discord and spotify and would admittedly talk to them to get a rise out of me when we first got together (which I didn't give because I didn't have the energy to entertain that) but you'll block ME on smthn random every few weeks yet stalk me on whats leftover in the middle of the night COMMIT TO THE BIT 💪🤤 block me on everything, dont keep your foot in the door while ALSO spreading lies about me to anyone who'll listen thats so odd!! ❤️ Get me off ur mind we're not friends after how you've behaved these past 3yrs because I'll be real the way you're behaving now isn't even the worst you've been towards me :3 it's just kinda weird to be getting other people in on it, I feel bad for them if anything ‼️

[silliest-fckindumbboy]

🪦Consider this blog a TW in & of itself🪦

🩸My coining blog is @fckindumbboy-coins Requests are always open!!!🩸

🫀This will be a mix of RQ & para stuff! Its my safe space! I will like & reblog what I choose!🫀

🪦Block/ ignore dont report, I'm just trying to find safe community & without that, so many of us are in danger!🪦

🩸If you arent harming anyone unwilling to be harmed, do it up, bby; pro-consent🩸

🦷 Im Jynx

🔪 The body is adult; Agefluid, multiage- mainly nepedage and traumatot, but I also sometimes linger around the body's age

🦷 Agender, transmasc, boycunt, periboy, offboy, bordergender

🔪 Polyromantic, hyperromantic

🦷 Polysensual, polarsensual, hypersensual [unless touch-repulsed due to fatigue, low energy, sensory overload, etc.]

🔪 Greyace, hypersexual

🦷 Ductuaffectis, Alteraffectis

🔪 It/he/pup/puppy/clown/honk/rot/ick/demon/rat; I may also use plural pronouns on occasion

🦷 Married, poly

🔪 Ask me anything about anything!

🪦My tags:

fckindumbboy - anything thats mine

boybarx - anytime I comment/post/talk about anything/share my opinions

shøwøff - my pictures

boycoins - coining/flags

Papa♡ - anything to do with my Papa or my relationship

boyIDs- my hoard/IDs or terms I like (reblogs only- not my OGs)🪦

🫀On sys: I'm [Jynx] the current host of a DID system~ Pls keep in mind that, due to the nature of plurality, I may post things or reblog things that I dont typically post, agree with, or that I forget later on. Some alters MAY make themselves known, they may not, thats up to them to decide not me.🫀

🪦Paras & Kinks: LOTS! Obsessed with everything abuse, gore, pain, blood, cannibalism, & death! 3/3, get over it, youre not the thought police. I sexualize & extort my own trauma & mental illness~ Theres wwwwaaaaayyyyyyy more! Consang🪦

🫀SickSickSick (cisIDs): DID, BPD, DPDR, schizoaffective bipolar type, OCD, agoraphobia, C-PTSD, substance use disorder [recovering & hating every second], OSFED-AN/BP, GAD/ panic disorder, PNES, mild TBI, CI

We got the 'tism

ICT survivor

I have so much trauma, & always happy to share & talk about it [for anyone!] (I'm cisharmed, cisgroomed, cisabused, cisICTsurvivor, cistortured, cisSA/CSA, cisraped.. etc.)

Chronically ill & physically disabled!🫀

🪦I AM a radqueer! Get outta here if you cant deal with that! Im super duper inclusive & believe everyone has a right to be themselves (even if I may not agree with them!) I have absolutely no room in my life, my heart, or my safe space for hate, drama, or discourse!!! Im also a [REDACTED]queer! I value privacy & non-disclosure of stances or other information, I think everyone has a right to discretion & safety within the community & elsewhere. My business is no one's business unless I say so- no one's business is my business unless they say so. All information, conversation, etc. with me is strictly confidential. I dont believe in call outs or other forms of non-consenual information disclosure. 🪦

🫀Identities: Transclownspecies, puppykin, trauma-born demon, irl yandere, transHoH/transDeaf, real vampire [hybrid- sang & psi], DemiDead, DemiRot, Traumatot, permapuppy, permadissociated, permalockdown, permasick, devotabled, translabrat, ratkin 🫀

🪦MUDs: Unhealthy Relation-Victim Disorder, Glitching Mind Disorder, Plural Dysphoric Disorder, Imminent Death Disorder, Temporal Perception Distortion Syndrome🪦

🩸I BLOCK FREELY🩸

Anons: ⚙️, ☀️, bitey, 🐶🎉, 🕯, :3, 🍇

[spookcataloger]

Welcome to my library

Take a dive at the Archives, its the best way to explore my whole collection. Please show some love for the older posts too, there are some overlooked masterpieces that are waiting to be seen.

For your navigational convenience I've hyperlinked my usual tags!

My main tags: the first tag always lists the type of content.

/x/ 4chan: posts comes in 3 main categories.

Greentext: >stories in green

Prosetext: plain text stories.

Discussion thread; People having real discussion on paranormal themes, people having fun or bantering on each other.

Also see: /b/ 4chan, /k/ 4chan, /tg/ 4chan, /pol/ 4chan.

Creepypasta: posted images come in 2 categories

black background with white text

white background with black text

Creepypasta posts are usually tagged by their length: Short stories, Medium read, Longread.

Youtube: Links to spooky youtube videos.

Video Post: non-youtube videos hosted on tumblr. Also see: gif.

Reddit: Some reddit posts or links to reddit.

r/distressingmemes

Twitter: Posts or news from twitter.

In the News: I saw it on the news so it must be real, right?

Noteworthy Tags:

Librarian Seal of Approval: just thought that these particular posts were better written than the rest; in other words my favorite stories.

They rhyme: a juxtaposition of 2 or more stories with similar premises.

Scary story: Stories reblogged from other creepypasta blogs.

Story With Pictures: closest thing to you'll get to having any proof. Also see Story with Drawings and giving context to pictures.

Image Dumps: posts with multiple short stories or microfiction.

Multipart Story: stories so long that they are posted in separately.

Type of Story:

Nope: Stories where OP does the smart thing and GTFOs.

Skinwalkers: technically should be called fleshgaits. Not the native american witches but rather a body snatching, shapeshifting, mimicking, stalkerish, talkative cryptid created by the internet.

Mystery: unexplained or unsolved mysteries. Weird coincidences, disappearances, strange phenomena, conspiracies, conspiracy theories, cover ups, strange lights, etc. As opposed to explained.

Dangerous people: stories about humans. Creepy people, crazy people, stranger danger, weird people, psychos, psycho killers, serial killers, or perverted fiends.

Ghost stories: good old fashion ghosties. See: spirits, ghost speak, apparitions, poltergeists, possessions, and haunted places.

Cryptids and other monsters: stories about unidentified creatures, creepy looking creatures, and cryptid sightings.

Unreality or glitches in the matrix: things being not quite right. Also see time warp stories, liminal spaces and analog horror.

Real life fears: stories that are almost believable if you suspend your disbelief a bit. Real life events, realistic stories, probably true stories. As opposed to obvious fiction.

Childhood memories: stories about traumatic memories and childhood fears. Also see Adult Fear.

The Fae: stories about magical beings, fairies and woodland spirits.

Ayys: stories about aliens. Also see alien abduction and UFOs.

Exploration: can refer to urban exploration or rural exploration. Also see space exploration.

[ark-inkweaving]

About A. R. K.

hello! my name is Aziren, and between university exams and assignments I'm an aspiring fantasy writer. i'm also a DM for a multitude of TTRPGs outside from D&D, but still mostly fantasy. i've been a fanfic writer and a worldbuilder for years now, so i hope you'll enjoy my works

my main wips are Revolve, alongside its own custom TTRPG system Trick of Life, and In Destiny We Trust (Not). i try to post stuff about them semi-regularly, from worldbuilding to trope discussions to character intros. i also write for Flash Fiction Friday, so look out for that

my askbox is open for any ask games, and i'd love to be in any tag games!

[masterposts, wip intros and taglists under the cut]

Frequent Tags

#ark writing tips: advice about everything writing

#ark writing resources: circulating writing resources, because real writers don't gatekeep

#ark.txt: random thoughts, events and life updates

#ark writes: pieces of writing by me

#ark draws: pieces of art by me

#diary of a suffering writer: where i talk about my experience with writing

#diary of a suffering artist: where i talk about my experience with art

#ark reblogs: anything that gets reblogged from others, you can find here

#ark originals: any and all talk about my original works goes here

#ark replies: when i get asks, here you'll find the replies

#ark ask games: ask games i'm participating in

#ark tag games: tag games i'm participating in

#flash fiction: Flash Fiction Friday entries

Wip Intros

Revolve

the gods of the elements are dormant, but for the continued existance of all the Realms it's better if someone can wake them up

wip status ✵ drafting genre ✵ low fantasy subgenre ✵ grimdark target audience ✵ new adult tag ✵ #ark revolve other ✵ queer fiction, not a lot of romance, political & social intrigue ✵ see more ✵ get on the taglist

In Destiny We Trust (Not)

Zeno comes from a family of spirit hunters, but he's the only one his grandpa won't trust to become one. so he takes matters in his own hands. it becomes a problem when his best friend turns out to be a medium

wip status ⛧ planning genre ⛧ urban fantasy subgenre ⛧magical realism target audience ⛧ young adult tag ⛧ #ark destiny other ⛧ queer fiction, romance, superheroes ⛧ see more ⛧ get on the taglist

The Lost Sea Symphony

Talia is a monster in human skin running for safety across the glitching servers, and the voice only she can hear is saying that she'll find safety in the sea

wip status ⚔ planning genre ⚔ high fantasy subgenre ⚔ epic target audience ⚔ young adult tag ⚔ #ark lost sea symphony other ⚔ queer fiction, romance, pirates

The Mortal God

Aren would be happier if there wasn't a prophecy about him, because the hunters never believe him when he says he's trying to control his powers and not to kill the king

wip status ⚙ planning genre ⚙ gaslamp fantasy subgenre ⚙ epic target audience ⚙ young adult tag ⚙ #ark mortal god other ⚙ queer fiction, no romance, found family