#i thought i'd write it down

[calamitoustide]

Lily, oh Lily I just loathe you lately...

microfic - jegulily/regulily - 1.7k

  It started with a kiss. 

One Regulus wasn’t even included in. He wasn’t even there, he didn’t see it, and yet he replays it in his head almost constantly. It’s the first thought he has in the morning, he carries it with him through lunch. White knuckles braced against the table as he stares longing towards the other side of the hall, his ears ringing and he can’t hear anything anyone is trying to say to him. His friends all make comments but he doesn’t notice them. His mind is too loud, thinking of soft skin and eyes that bite. He forgets his notes, it doesn’t matter, they’re not even there. He lays awake at night unable to close his eyes without thinking, thinking, thinking. 

He should be thinking about James. He should be obsessively counting his every step. It’s how this whole thing started. James is everything, he hung the moon, and every single star in the night sky. He walks around the halls calling out to everyone by name, his smile hung wide across his face. And yes, Regulus thinks of him. He thinks of his sweat covered skin as he skips off to the locker rooms after practice. He thinks of him drunkenly coming up to him, leaning close to his ear to whisper nonsense. Even if he can’t understand it Regulus clings onto every single word. He thinks of how he looks in the morning, a sight Regulus has only seen a handful of times and yet he cherishes it like it’s the world. He thinks of his hair all messed up, and his eyes wide and soft like an infant. He thinks of him stretching out his exhaustion and the little moment his shirt lifts up to reveal what’s underneath. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks, but he’s not looking over at him. He’s looking at her. 

The rumors of James Potter and Lily Evans finally working it out spread like wildfire. It’s embers branching out until there wasn’t a single person who didn’t know about it. Their kiss happened in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, apparently no one was there, but there are always sources. Always whispers. Regulus woke up to a burn to his cheek, and a crackling outside of his window. His friends looked over at him, pity drowning in their eyes, but none of them said anything. None of them knew how. It was Pandora who finally brought him over, holding his hands gently as she broke him the news. He can’t remember his reaction. He just remembers the moment his face dropped, but he wasn’t thinking of him, he was thinking about her. 

He never minded Lily Evans before, he barely gave her a second glance. He saw her sometimes in the library, she always sat alone, pushed in the back. Even in the darkest parts of the castle the sunlight always tended to reach her. It covered her and highlighted every freckle on her face. Her eyes were always soft with contemplation, but Regulus didn’t care for her much. He always heard about James’ crush on her, of course he did, but he never cared. He didn’t think it would go anywhere. He thought to himself Lily Evans was as blind as a person can be for rejecting James. He could never understand it. How could she get James to even so much as look at her and not truly understand what that meant. How much other people would die for him to look at them like that. Resentment climbed in his liver, it overwhelmed him. Before it was a scoff at any remark. It was an eye roll at the stupidity of Lily for thinking James would just be there when she realized how daft she was truly being. 

Though the only stupid person truly was Regulus, for James was there waiting for when Lily finally opened her eyes. He was there to chase after her, like the tail-end of a shooting star. James ran circles around her, watching her like she was everything, like she was his entire world. He held open every single door for her. He’d make himself bleed for an ounce of her attention, and she never never cared. She never cared before now, but Regulus has been here. He’s been here and Lily just walked the epitome of angel dust to smile and beckon James over to her like he’s a dog on a leash she’s holding. 

“Regulus,” Pandora’s voice catches him out of his retched mind. 

“What?” Regulus snaps, not taking his eyes off her. Her with her perfect skin. Her with her perfect everything. 

“You’re going to drill a hole in her head, you know,” She comments. 

Regulus finally releases his gaze, “What are you talking about?” 

It’s just the two of them. Barty and Evan ran off somewhere, and Dorcas well she’s always with Marlene now anyway. Pandora looks over at him softly, her eyes filled with pity, “You don’t have to pretend you’re looking at James when it’s just me.” 

Regulus furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head, “I’m not just looking at her.” 

“You’re looking at both of them?” Pandora suggests. 

“Yeah,” Regulus answers, lies dripping from his mouth. 

Pandora smiles, “James walked away five minutes ago.” 

Regulus head whips aside to find her right. It’s only Lily, laughing at something one of her friends are telling her. She throws her head back like she’s a little kid. Coated in innocence in a kind of nostalgia not many people can reach towards. Sunlight nips at her face as her nose crinkles in a laugh. Her beauty endless, it’s like a knife to Regulus’ skin. Every perfection he finds in her is a scar on him. 

“Regulus?” Pandora calls out again, as if she’s talking to a child. “Is there something you need to tell me?” 

“Like what?” Regulus grumbles, looking back down at his plate, trying to fight the pull to look over at her. It’s like he’s under a spell, he’s certain she’s behind it. She wants him to look at her. She wants for all of this. She’s out to get him. He looks up again. She’s still sitting there. Why is she still there? Shouldn’t she be off chasing after James? Shouldn’t she be at his feet beck and call? Shouldn’t she be giving him the world right now? Why is she still just sitting there? 

Pandora hums, “Nothing.” 

Regulus looks over at her, “What’s your problem?” 

“You’re torturing yourself,” Pandora tells him. 

Regulus hesitates, he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. In any other world this would be torture. He’s staring off at the girl who’s got the one thing he’s been begging for his entire life. He’s never wanted something as much as he’s wanted James. Looking over at Lily should be torture. It should kill him. It is. It’s the sweetest kind of torture. It’s a twisted lullaby. It’s a stinging on his cheek. 

“Unless,” Pandora starts, “You want to be looking at her.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus says quickly. 

Pandora reaches out to grab his hand,  “I’m gonna hold your hand while I tell you this.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Regulus tries to cut her off but when Pandora gets something in her mind it’s hard to resist it. 

“I did it with James,” Pandora explains quickly. “I’ll do the same now. You’re in love with Lily Evans.” 

“I am not in love with Lily Evans,” Regulus argues. 

Pandora narrows her eyes, “You’re not?” 

“No.” 

“Why are you staring at her?” Pandora asks. 

“She’s with James,” Regulus answers weakly. 

“Why aren’t you watching him then?” Pandora questions. “Do you even know where he is? You used to always know, you used to have his schedule perfect.” 

Regulus shrugs, “I’ve gotten busy.” 

“Right,” Pandora scoffs. “So you wouldn’t mind if I called her over here.” 

“Pan—“ 

Before he can even finish Pandora is raising her hand. Shouting out across the hall, “Hey, Evans!” 

Regulus scrambles for something to hold, to bring Pandora’s hand down and stop her from this, but it doesn’t do any good. Lily’s already looking over, her eyes dazzling in the sun. The rest happens like a dream as she leans over to her friends explaining that she’ll be going. She walks over on clouds and then she’s in front of him. His stomach ties itself together. His mouth opens but nothing comes out. 

“Hey,” Lily says, leaning across the bench to put her hands on the table. Her perfume reaches Regulus’ nose and it’s overwhelming, it’s making him slip back, like he’s in an ocean, drowning in all the waves. 

“Hi,” Pandora replies. 

Both of their gazes go towards him, but Regulus is only looking at her. 

Lily smiles with his silence, he wants to kill her. She looks away and he wants to kill her even more, “You still working on that potion?” 

“You know it,” Pandora tells her. “It’s close to being done now.” 

Regulus doesn’t care what they’re saying. He just watches Lily. He can’t look away. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever existed, and she’s got James Potter wrapped around her finger. Its should be him. 

She doesn’t stay long. Before she leaves she looks back over at Regulus, “Goodbye, Regulus.” 

“Bye,” he forces out, his tongue resting uncomfortably in his mouth. 

She laughs, it’s as soft as fresh daisies and she’s doing him in, “You’re cute,” she says, like it’s nothing, like it’s not eating Regulus whole. “I’ll see you two around.” 

Then she’s gone again. Walking down the hall, her hair blowing behind her like a fucking magazine ad. There can’t be someone that perfect. She’s just a person. She’s nobody. She’s the one James wants. She won his heart over. She’s the one lying beside him. And all Regulus wants is to lie when she lies. Lily Evans is poison and it’s slowly driving Regulus mad. She’s everywhere, like a call of the wind. He’s nothing worshipping at her feet, it makes him uneasy. 

“So,” Pandora breaks the echoing silence. “Not in love.” 

Regulus swallows thickly, his eyes still stuck in the last place she was, even if she’s moved on, “Not in love,” he forces out. 

The ache is endless, and bullets line his skin. A scar for every beauty, for which Lily Evans has infinite. 

[hedgehog-moss]

I was talking with a friend the other day about how I was fascinated with American school life when I was a teen because it seemed so different from how things are in my country (I knew about US high schools thanks to Hollywood, an accurate and trustworthy source) and we talked about which aspects of US schools felt foreign or strange to us and one thing I brought up was, how American teens only seemed to have like 15min for lunch (I had 1h30 here in France), as evidenced by the cafeteria scenes (no one seemed to eat a proper four-course meal? I definitely never saw a separate cheese course), and I was like, I envied a lot of stuff about US schools but not this

... and I went looking in my old diaries to see if I ever wrote about this, and you know what? I was wrong. I did envy their school lunches which, like almost everything about US schools, felt intriguing and different and cool. The reason middle school-me thought American school lunches were superior to French ones is because, since American teens in TV shows only seemed to get like 4 chicken nuggets and a milk carton for lunch, their lunch tray was very light and they could hold it with one hand under it, the other hand in their pocket or holding their bag strap on their shoulder all casual-like. Sometimes there was no tray, even!

I envied these American teenagers for their lunchtime nonchalance. I would have liked to handle lunch in this cool-cat way but my French lunch tray being loaded with 4 different heavy and breakable plates, I had to hold it carefully with both hands. In my view this was unfair as the hindrance of governmental nutrition guidelines made French students look like uptight nerds, unable to strut around the cafeteria with one hand in our pocket like we didn’t care. Same for the absence of lockers in our schools, we had to carry all our books on our back all day like studious turtles whilst the beautiful 25 year old American teens on my television casually leant against their lockers chatting with friends then strolled around school with just a couple of books tucked under their arm like they were in Dead Poets Society. Thank god there was an ocean between us, imagine a French kid entering a US school cafeteria carrying 3 binders and 5 textbooks in their big rucksack and holding their tray with two hands like a complete loser

Note that these comparisons are quite worthless since I don't know what US school life / food is like in the real world (I imagine it varies a lot!)—I just find it funny to re-read old diaries and discover what was important to kid-me. Discussing these little cultural differences gleaned from US TV series, adult!me is like "yeah I remember being intrigued & envious about a lot of things! Not their school lunches though, they didn't look balanced and nutritious"—meanwhile middle school-me, focused on what mattered, was like, imagine what we could be... imagine being able to hold your lunch tray with 1 hand instead of 2 thus accessing a realm of coolness unfathomable to us in our backward country

[bluewolfangel01]

Levi: "I don't understand why you like someone as pathetic as me, I'm not that good at anything other then being a nasty useless otaku, (insert more self degrading here)."

Mc: *blank faced, moving sneakily close to Levi and picks him up bridal style*

Mc: "Snake <3."

Levi: *Stunned silent, he doesn't move for a few moments, then his tail curls around Mc's leg, and leans into their touch.*

Levi: "Y-yeah...."

[kellysketches]

hobie brown!!!! the man that you are!!!!

[nostalgebraist]

Due to recent experiences, I am feeling an urge to make an anti-drug-style PSA except it's warning impressionable machine-learning-curious teens to never, ever try a thing called "Huggingface transformers Trainer"

Not. Even. Once.

[msnihilist]

"It's been quite a while since I got to see our counterparts like this, dearest," Anti-Cosmo remarked to Anti-Wanda. He grinned down at the three fairies in the cage beneath them. "Miserable."

"Shoot, it must've been at least twenty years!" Anti-Wanda remarked. "Longer for you two, though, huh?"

Cosmo cradled Peri's head in his lap, keeping him on his side so that he didn't choke if he vomited. Wanda sat next to her boys, rubbing a hand soothingly between Peri's wings, like she used to when he was a baby.

She felt close to tears. Her baby was so sick that she feared he wouldn't make it... And they had their anti-fairy counterparts to mock them through the whole awful ordeal.

"Don't you two have anything better to do?" Wanda snapped at them. "Terrorize someone else for a change! We're plenty miserable without you here."

"Oh, please don't think that we're trying to make you feel worse." Anti-Cosmo shook his head. "It's more like we're here to enjoy the show."

"I even made popcorn!" Saying that, Anti-Wanda procured a bag of popcorn. She held it out for Anti-Cosmo to help himself to a handful.

Wanda clenched her jaw in frustration. The smell of food just made Peri's convulsions worse. She shushed him, trying her best to be comforting as her son dry-heaved.

With shaky fingers, Cosmo brushed Peri's curly hair away from his sweaty forehead. He met Wanda's stare, his eyes tight with concern. "Wanda..." He started, but said nothing more.

What was there to say? What was there to do? They were trapped, and the situation was getting worse by the minute.

As a last, desperate bid for her son, Wanda cast her voice up to the anti-fairies. "Please, can't you at least ask Dev to make a wish? Something small! Peri has magical build-up, and he..." Wanda swallowed, unable to say it. "You don't want the same thing to happen to Irep, do you?"

Anti-Wanda hummed as she pretended to think about it. "Now, correct me if'n I'm wrong, darlin', but that ain't how anti-fairies work, innit?"

Anti-Cosmo adopted a similar look of faux thoughtfulness. "No, you're right, strumpet. I believe that anti-fairies aren't affected by their counterparts deaths, merely by any action which might undo their creation. So our precious child is going to be perfectly fine."

Something inside of Wanda shattered. All she could think was that this wasn't fair; she hadn't had enough time.

"Please..." She tried again anyway, because it was all that she could do. "Please don't let my son die."

Anti-Cosmo laughed. "Enough with the melodrama. I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this. You ought to be used to it. After all..." He adjusted his monocle, lips curling into a vicious smirk. "This isn't the first time you two have lost a son."

His words hit like a slap to the face. Wanda was too stunned to reply — torn between the urge to sob and the burning desire to kill someone.

Not a day went by in the last ten thousand years that Wanda hadn't thought about him. And now she was going to lose her youngest son, too. What had she done to deserve this? Why was fate so cruel?

Why did love always have to end in "goodbye"?

When he didn't receive a response, Anti-Cosmo huffed and turned away. "Look on the bright side — perhaps the loss of a child to bond over will be enough to keep your fragile relationship hanging on for another thousand years or so."

Anti-Wanda giggled, looping her arm through Anti-Cosmo's and leaning on his shoulder. "Give a holler when he's ready to pop, y'all! I love me a good confetti shower."

The two anti-fairies drifted away, cackling together. Wanda felt numb. She was so angry that she had looped right back around to feeling nothing. She was completely calm.

Cosmo reached over and took her hand, entwining their fingers. "What are we going to do?" He asked.

Wanda took a deep breath. She squeezed his hand back, placing her other hand on Peri's head. "Whatever we have to do to protect our son," she promised.

She had failed once already, and once was too much. Not again. Never again.

As long as Wanda still had the strength to flutter her wings, she was going to do everything in her power to defend her family.

AO3 link.

[empressofmankind]

Did you really think I wasn't going to inflict a dreadful colour scheme on him?

[blot-squisher]

So the Entity had its favorites on both sides. Dwight, the first proper Survivor, and then Kenneth for a while. At least until Danny came along and started showing off his creative methods of fucking with the Survivors during Trials. Seasoning that fear and despair with that extra helping of good stuff, ya know?

Anyway the main point.

You know on the flip side of that, the Entity had to have a least favorite. Someone it looked at and silently questioned, 'Why the fuck did I pick you up again?' Not outright hate, mind you. Just, like, a mild disinterest. Boredom. A kind of 'ooh shiny new toy annnnnnd I'm over it. Into the back of the closet to collect dust with you' kind of dislike.

Anyway, in this essay I'll go into absolutely no detail or depth on my thought process as to why I think it was Freddy and Quentin.

[cake-chad]

Something something Gideon always inevitably wakes up with Kremy on or curled up next to him because being cold-blooded he seeks out the literal furnace sleeping next to him every night.

Frost is usually nearby too, but only if they're sleeping outside and not in beds, he's not cold-blooded but he is a cat, of course he likes to be near a heater too.

And now that I think about it, Torbek would be there too, having gone through what he has and severly underweight, his circulation is terrible and despite having his own layer of fur, he just can't stay warm on his own, so he sleeps sandwiched between Gideon and Hootsie

Just. A whole cuddle puddle of all of them, Gricko curls up next to Hootsie, Twig sleeps under Gideons arm, and when Pigtunias around she acts as a pillow for him

I love cuddle puddles and I love characters who naturally make everyone more comfortable to sleep around them 😭😭

[journey-to-the-attic]

there's a moment in lesson 45 of nightbringer where mc falls off a thing (again?? is this foreshadowing?? i'm going to rule-of-three this and wait to see if it happens again) and satan tries and fails to grab their hand to catch them, but now i'm imagining the same thing happening with satan and ik except he does succeed, but it's her right hand and the prosthetic just POP comes straight off

[thegreatyin]

And thus, with the passing of 24 hours, Caeru's ambition truly comes to an end. Major Nemesis spoilers below the cut- we're talking endgame ambition business here. Mostly on a character RP front.

The Doomed Scientist made quite a few... choice decisions, in the end. Killing Cups once and for all, recording his story as one of grief-

And sparing what little remained of Mr Mirrors, leaving it free to roam Parabola as it sees fit.

Some of them, he can explain. Others, he's still left to feel... discontent.

Cups needed to die. That much was certain from the start. It was a tyrant, as all Masters are, and complicit in the bargaining and eventual destruction of four (potentially five) cities, as all Masters are. It was an obstacle. A murderer. A petty monster that felt no remorse even on its deathbed, and it went out of its way to ruin multiple lives just because it felt owed its own sick and twisted idea of revenge.

It killed his first love. It looked him in the eyes and he knew what it had done and he knew from the start it was going to die.

Perhaps, in the end, it knew too. And yet it still pleaded, and wanted to live, and-

It made a bargain.

A bargain Caeru didn't take.

Not because he didn't want to. Gods, he wanted to. He wanted it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. To have Greylu back, to give him the gift of life, of love, to show him the wonders of the Neath and the beauty of the correspondence and all of the people Caeru has met and loved and found home with along the way-

But. He couldn't.

Because Cups was a monster. And no matter what, it deserved to die. And he could not, in good conscience, allow it to live.

Even if sparing it meant everything he's ever wanted.

So he's left here, now. With a bloodied traveling coat, and a bloodsoaked knife, and a favor finally fulfilled.

And nothing to live for. No resurrected lover, no charming visits to Helicon, no slow dances in the living room, no memories to rebuild and lives to live and he won't live again-

Nothing. All he has is a coat born of obligation, not to his love, but to people he's never even met. To lives he's never even touched. To a paramour, still alive, with hair of rose-pink, who doesn't even remember her own brother's existence.

Cups didn't die for Caeru's sake. Cups died for the sake of all who wanted it dead. For the revenger's court, and the ghost screaming in his ear, and the reckoning that will not be postponed indefinitely.

And Caeru, who acted as a tool to carry out their wills? Who all but betrayed his own lover, just to satisfy a cause he never knew existed?

All Caeru is left with, is regret. Regret-

-And grief.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

Finished the Umbara arc tonight and...

I rewatched this specific shot, like, twelve times 😍😍😍

Nice to have moments like this when, you know, other scenes come up...

"Live to fight another day, boys." 💔

"Everyone, stop firing! We're shooting at our own men! Look, we're clones! WE'RE ALL CLONES!" 😭😭😭

Thank heavens for Rex being as observant as he is, noticing the tiny bit of chin showing under the fallen clone's helmet, and going to investigate 💔

So now that I'm sufficiently sad, next up is the slavery story...

[ragsy]

Hey uuuuuuuuuuuh what character organization tools do people use these days? As in, somewhere to store information about them, but also somewhere that I can easily link and share that info? Is toyhouse one of those? What's the deal with toyhouse?

[mushroomsie224]

Thinking about them again and realising that I don't like the idea that Greylock was practically a bully to Cedric in their schooldays or that Cedric hated him. To each their own, but I think they're just two dorks with a bit of rivalry who get super competitive at times. They get along quite well together when they're not competing! Well, and when Greylock's not pranking him. He's just the annoying friend, I guess. I don't want Greylock to ever stop being annoying, and I want Cedric to be seriously concerned if he does stop.

As for why Cedric wouldn't consider him a friend: this is Season 2 Cedric. Literally his whole arc is about friendship.

[owl-with-a-pen]

From the second Brainy had turned up to the DEO that morning, he’d been in one hell of a bad mood. Confrontational didn’t even cut it – to Alex, it was like he was on a goddamn war path.

It had started out tame enough, maybe that was why she’d let it get as far as it had, but as well trained as her agents were against interrogation scenarios or an alien threat, no one was invulnerable to the inescapable pain of workplace microaggressions. Brainy had been subject to them himself in the past, but today he was the all-out perpetrator. It seemed he had something negative to say about everyone; mostly degrading remarks on their various intellects, going as far in some cases to mark them out on a scale from one to one-point-three. That was hardly news to Alex, although she hadn’t seen this kind of behaviour out of him in a very long time.

It had all come to a head not even a couple hours into Brainy’s shift. All it had taken was one too many poorly veiled insults targeted at one of her newer agents. By then, Alex could tell the difference between Brainy’s unintentional habit of being improperly blunt and whatever the hell he was seeking to achieve here.

It wasn’t like Brainy to act so purposely cruel, even on some of his darker days. He’d often experienced difficulties navigating his own intellect against his regular-minded co-workers, especially since the inhibitors had come off, but he’d never been openly hostile to them. Not like this. This was something else, like he was itching for a fight.

He got his wish when his goading finally hit the mark and the new hire stood from his chair. Alex knew the signs, but when their bickering exploded into a full-on argument, her voice was lost beyond the commotion.

Things escalated far too quickly, and she was much too late to stop the first punch from being thrown. Expectedly, Brainy dodged expertly out of the way, but the fire in his eyes was unmistakeably one of challenge, enough that Alex realised he had absolutely no intention of sticking to his usual evasive manoeuvres.

Shit. He wasn’t on the defence at all. And, when Brainy stepped into the agent’s space, ring-hand closed into a tight fist, she knew she couldn’t let it get any further.

Before Brainy could make his move, Alex shot into the fray, grabbing for his shoulder. The second she touched him, he tensed all over. Alex could feel the muscles in Brainy’s arm grow taut beneath her fingers, a strength building inside of him that scared her more than she would have ever admitted.

Kara’s powers had been a part of her life for so long that Alex often believed herself immune to the kind of fear seeing that sort of raw ability might inspire. Brainy wasn’t on a Kryptonian’s level by any means, but there was something unnerving about his strength that didn’t hit quite like Kara’s. It was a quiet sort of power, one he mostly kept hidden. A formidable ability that crept like a sleeper cell inside his implants and every shred of data that he had stored within his AI core.

She could feel all that and more brewing inside of him now, and when Alex tried to pull him back, he didn’t budge. She might as well have been trying to move a ten-ton statue.

Despite the panic pounding in her chest, Alex kept her cool. She waited a beat, measuring her movements, before trying again. This time, thankfully, Brainy relented. Although his body was still coiled tight, he let himself move with her momentum, stumbling a half step towards her.

Alex disguised her relief with anger, hissing into Brainy’s ear, “What the hell has gotten into you today?”

Brainy rolled his shoulder easily from her grip, righting himself in the process. “I’m fine,” he muttered tersely, his voice so rigid that she could barely see his jaw move.

Alex eyed him sharply. “I’ll be the judge of that,” she said, before raising her voice so that everyone could hear, “Agent Dox, with me!”

Any agent caught gawking at the scene quickly turned back to their work. Alex dismissed the string of apologies coming from her new hire, instead instructing him to cool off before returning to duty.

A senior agent like Brainy wouldn’t be getting off quite as lightly.

As Alex marched Brainy down the corridors of the new DEO building, she could feel him crackling at her heel like a storm cloud ready to strike. She bristled, preparing herself for the worst at every turn.

“Where are we going?” Brainy asked instead, his tone indifferent. As though he hadn’t tried to incite a war at 9 in the freaking morning.

“Somewhere private,” Alex returned, pushing open the door to one of the medical science labs. Today was her lucky day, it seemed, because the room was totally deserted.

She ushered Brainy in behind her before he could argue, directing him to the closest chair. He followed her instructions begrudgingly, taking the chair and swivelling it backwards before collapsing into it, folding his arms across the backrest with a scowl.

Now they were alone, Alex allowed herself to relax just a little, shedding some of the status that came with her rank. Her team had always been like a family to her, but Brainy was family, and now that she had him in a controlled environment, she could see his anger for what it really was. A tumultuous cover-up that was starting to crumble from the moment he’d sat down.

His frustration was plain in his body language, the way he wrung out his ring finger with his other hand like it was his only lifeline. She’d seen this behaviour before; it wasn’t hard to guess where it had come from. The why, though? That was a lot harder to pinpoint.

“What’s going on, Brainy?” Alex asked gently, folding her arms. When he glanced at the floor, twisting his ring even harder, she sighed. “You know you can’t just explode on your co-workers like that. I really thought we were past this.”

Brainy ruffled in affront, his mood souring even further. He glared up at her. “Past this?”

“You know what I mean,” Alex snapped, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. “The point is, I haven’t seen you this riled up since—well, since ever. Something’s going on with you.” She narrowed her eyes, pressing her hip against the workbench at her side. “How have your talks with Kelly been going?”

Brainy leaned back in his chair, folding his hands across one another with a definitively neutral expression. “Confidentially.”

Alex could already feel her jaw begin to tense. It was times like these she really wished Kelly wasn’t so damn good at her job. She took her clients’ privacy incredibly seriously, even when it came to her friends. Especially when it came to her friends. Even as her wife, Alex was none the wiser on what she and Brainy discussed behind closed doors, other than the few small updates like he did well this session or I think we went back more steps than we took forward today.

“Alright,” Alex decided, lifting her chin. “We’ll do this the hard way, then. Stand up. I need to perform a full body scan.”

Brainy’s mouth fell open in outrage. He scoffed indignantly. “I’m fine,” he repeated through clenched teeth, an air of superiority creeping into his voice. He held his shoulders high. “Do you really think I wouldn’t be aware if something was impairing me?”

“Stand up,” Alex repeated. “Now.”

Brainy rolled his eyes but stood on her instruction. He remained still while Alex ran her equipment over him; too still, she thought. Whatever he was trying to hide from her was starting to surface, they both knew it.   

Alex’s worry only grew stronger for him.

Once the tests were done, Alex watched the results roll through on her tablet. His temperature was fine – his implants checked out, too. In fact, according to her equipment, nothing was running abnormally where the techno aspect of his physiology was concerned at all.

When her focus shifted to organic functions, however, Alex’s eyes widened in surprise.

Brainy’s heart rate wasn’t just through the roof, it might as well have been hanging out in another galaxy.

Alex hefted the tablet in her arm, throwing it out for Brainy to see. “You call this fine?”

Brainy scanned the results, shying in on himself defensively as he absorbed their meaning. He shrugged, folding his arms. “Kelly tells me that fluctuations in heart rate are normal for the emotional stressors I have experienced.”

“Well, yeah,” Alex nearly laughed, “but not all the time, Brainy! Something triggered this.”

When he refused to meet her eye, Alex bit her lip, carefully placing the tablet back on the counter. “Brainy,” she tried again, hesitating before taking a step closer. “Paired with what I know about your biology, this has all the tells of an anxiety attack.” She smiled sadly. “I don’t need to be a therapist to know that’s why you lashed out today.”

Brainy scoffed again, but his fingers tightened around his biceps. Alex had a feeling that if he’d been squeezing anything else in the room, it might’ve just snapped in half.

She scanned his face again. He didn’t wear his image inducer as often since the installation of the new DEO, but Alex wondered if he sometimes used it covertly to alter certain smaller features. Like the tell-tale bruising of someone who’d been avoiding their bed one too many nights in a row.

She frowned. “Have you been sleeping?”

Brainy froze. “O-of course.”

For a twelfth-level intellect, his lying game was about on par with Kara’s. Alex tried not to smile at his expense. Instead, she not-so innocently tugged at her jacket pocket. “So, if I texted Nia right now, she’d tell me the same thing?”

“It’s not that,” Brainy hastened, straightening his back. “My functions are running within normal parameters; my sleep is… is fine. Nia would corroborate.”

“Right,” Alex said slowly, raising a brow. “So, just today, then?”

“Why is this so important to you?” Brainy muttered. He was clearly tiring of their little back and forth. Maybe that was her way in.

Alex took another step forward. “Because you’re important to me,” she said, before glancing at the ceiling, “and because you’ve kind of pissed everyone on the day shift off so far. And it’s not even ten o’clock. That might be a new record.” She took his arm again, smiling when he reluctantly met her eye. “This matters, Brainy. I can’t put you back on duty like this. In fact, I think I have enough justification from these readings alone to put you on a mental health day. Even if your sleep is fine, it might be a good idea to take it easy.”

Brainy practically baulked at the suggestion, staggering out from under her hand. He shook his head vigorously, turning away. “Alex, that isn’t necessary. I don’t need to take it easy. I-I can’t.”

His voice nearly broke on that last word, enough to make Alex’s heart twist. “Why not?”

Brainy ducked away from her, and though she could only see half of his face, she knew he was trying to shut her out. She reached for him again, catching his elbow. “Brainy—hey, please.”

Maybe she’d broken through, or maybe he’d run the calculations on the likelihood of being let out of this room without telling her something. Either way, he finally relented.

“I can’t take it easy,” he told her through his teeth, his voice dangerously low. “Because… because, today is difficult for me.”

Alex’s brows knitted together worriedly. She squeezed his arm without thinking, trying instead to remember what day it was today. Had she missed some kind of anniversary? Naturally, she thought of the first day Brainy had arrived in this century, but that date had been and gone with nothing close to this sort of an emotional upheaval.  

Worse, then.

Then, Alex caught it. Brainy’s free arm shifted as his hand passed across his forehead, knocking a few blond strands away from his eyes. His fingers lingered for just a second, agitating across invisible surface scars.

Alex’s heart plummeted into her stomach. She felt nauseous. “Brainy,” she asked slowly. “Is—is today the day your father…?”

Brainy’s eyes were far away, reviewing the lab’s floor tile by tile. He didn’t say anything for a while; his chest was locked tight, as though he’d forgone the need for oxygen at all. Alex held her breath along with him, long enough that her lungs started to burn.

“Time,” Brainy muttered eventually, “dates… they’re all different on this planet, in this century.” He bared his teeth into a pained smile, his arm winding around his centre. “And yet, no matter what changes, I always know that day. I can feel it.” He shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek. “Call it a burden of a Coluan’s physiology.”

Alex squeezed him again. “Oh—Brainy…”

“Don’t,” he said tersely, wrenching his arm from hers. His eyes were wide, his expression open. “Don’t treat me like I’m… wounded. I—I only wish to keep my mind busy. And-and ever since my inhibitors came off I-I find that there’s never enough to occupy it. There are always spaces that are left empty, where-where those memories, those emotions resurface.”

Alex sighed. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but that’s exactly why I can’t let you work today. You understand that, right?”

Brainy gritted his teeth, lowering his head into a tight nod.

“Have you told Nia about this?”

“She knows,” Brainy croaked, looking sheepish. “I told her I-I needed space.”

“And then you came here.” Alex’s smile felt strained. “She doesn’t know you went to work today, does she?”

“I thought it would be easier.” Brainy sniffed, swiping at his face. “To be somewhere that no one knew. But that doesn’t matter if I can’t control this—”

“Hey,” Alex said gently, taking his hand. “Anniversaries can be tough. You know, when we were kids, Kara could never stomach her Earth birthday, either.”

Brainy’s breath stuttered past his lips, and he looked at her in confusion, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. His hand clenched uneasily around hers, willing her to continue.

Alex smiled. “She hated it, actually – her words, not mine - because it reminded her of everything she’d lost. My mom… she tried to turn it into a sort of celebration, to make it a happy day, but focusing on it in any way just sent her over the edge.” She winced. “You should’ve heard the screaming matches.”

Brainy huffed out a surprised laugh.

Alex grinned. “So, one day, I told Kara, suck it up for a second, you’re coming with me. And…” she chuckled, the memory flooding back all too easily, “I made her walk. For hours. Through the woods. No flying allowed. And we kept going and going until eventually, we came across this little creek. I told her to listen to the water. Just— put every one of her senses into that one thing. The bubbling of the water, the fish whipping their little tails, the smell. It wasn’t a magic cure-all, but for that moment, it helped.” Alex wound her hand tighter around Brainy’s, drawing them closer together. “You don’t have to put your focus into work, Brainy, you can pick something simpler. One sound, or one thing that makes you feel at peace.”

Brainy narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “Yes…” he considered slowly, “that does sound pleasant.” He cleared his throat, shifting his tone. “Running water is one of numerous nature-specific sounds that are utilised for relaxation of the human mind. Nia has several of the ocean’s waves on her white noise app, although, I had never considered using it myself.” The furrow to his brow deepened. “But if I were to draw all of my processing power into one singular stimulus, it may be… beneficial.”

“What were you thinking?” Alex prompted.

Brainy glanced at her quickly before looking away again, a private smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “Flying… often clears my head. Perhaps I should try to find something up there. Above the noise, as Kara once put it.”

Alex nodded her encouragement. “That sounds like a really good place to start.”

Brainy returned her nod confidently, letting go of her hand as he made to leave. No hesitation, no debate. Just one direct thought leading onto the next action. Alex couldn’t help but smile.

Before he could make it out the door, she called out to him: “And, Brainy?”

Brainy paused, turning back to look at her.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Something passed through Brainy’s expression before he lowered his head into a dutiful nod.

Fondly, Alex watched him go. He was certainly less tightly wound than he’d been before, though she knew he still had a way to go yet. At least this was a step in the right direction.

She supposed, in quite the literal sense, it was only up from here.

[viric-dreams]

Weeks after learning of the Commodore's death--when he could no longer lie in bed consumed by grief, after he was forced to get up, to feed himself, to keep going--Roberts had visited the Dark-Spectacled Admiral. There was no love lost between the Admiral and the Commodore over the years. Roberts had heard plenty of the stories of the Commodore's frustrations upon return from his many trips to London. He hadn't seen the Admiral himself since he was barely more than a child. Yet he had to try.

As the years had gone by, the old guard had slowly faded out of the picture, until there were so very few people left who remembered the olden days. Remembered the Commodore as Roberts knows--knew him. The man who was full of jokes and life, whose charisma captured a room. One who cared. A man who'd spent hours yelling encouraging words through a layer of crumpled steel, trying to grant some level of comfort to a trapped and terrified child, to at the very least abate some of that terror in what could've likely been his final moments. The man who had slowly faded into placidity and smiles and bright nothingness as the years had gone on.

The Admiral was no friend to either of them, not since the schism, but perhaps he might remember the friendship the two had once had. Perhaps he might care that he died. Perhaps there is someone else who remembers the man, the same one Roberts does, and feels something at his passing. He has to try.

He adjusts his spectacles, hiding the puffiness of his eyes from view, and knocks on the door.