#i thought i'd have time this week bc spring break

[adore-gregor]

Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭

[bugflies00]

has anyone else gotten this problem where like. ive had my binder (spectrum) since spring last year and i never had any problems with it for months. i didnt have to size up because my dimensions were exactly one size in particular . i wear it every day but never more than 8-9 hours like is recommended (i put it on at the very last minute before leaving my house and take it off the moment i get home i cant do much better than that), i have a day a week where i dont wear it bc sports, and on weekends i often dont wear it at all apart from like a dinner outside . like just in general i only wear it to go out and not at home . so i'd say im pretty much following all the safety stuff ? but for the past month or so ive been getting rib pain . so i thought i just needed a break which was a good coincidence bc i had like 2-3 weeks at home where i wore it essentially like maybe once . and now im back in school except . it still hurts when i wear it for a while ? im so confused like i thought giving it a rest was what i needed and i thought 3 weeks would be ample time? and it's not like my ribs have . Expanded? i dont think ive gained any weight either so like . why would i need to move up a size. and its kind of a problem because a) getting a binder at all was a hassle without my parents knowing so getting a 2nd one owuld be . Complicated b) i really really hope i havent fucked up my ribs somehow bc idk how i'd explain that to my parents??

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning!!!!! I had good number news this morning!!! lotsssss of numbers below, just fyi

I haven't really talked about my goals or current numbers on here, in part bc I was worried that if that was one of the first things I posted, whatever flagging bot gets used on here (I know, it's mostly crusaders who go thru the tags and mass repo blogs that gets us distapeared) would see those things and I'd be on their no-fly list immediately

plus, there's something to be said for the fear of saying something out loud, when I've not been the sort of person to stick to hobbies and things before

BUT

last week, I hit a goal of $125.4 (iirc), which means I hit a simultaneous goal of a 'healthy' -$5/month for 15 months straight, for a total of -$75.00 from my starting balance of $200.00

which, I honestly was having trouble being excited about hitting that goal bc of our common habit of rounding up, so any decimals next to that number it feel like I hadn't actually hit it, and I had worked REALLY HARD to get there, including a multi-mile treadmill walk and everything

BUT

my check in day is monday (start the week off informed!); on tuesday the monthly obnoxiousness started, and most of us who experience that will skip check in days that are close to it bc it messes with our bodies so much, so our measurements will be inaccurate

then, last week was spring break for my internship, but it's only two days a week, so I spent two days last week almost entirely sitting at my computer, working on my course work

meanwhile, in the same week, I clocked THEE MOST hours at my almost entirely outdoor, moderately physical job in about six months aka since about mid-fall, as late fall thru early spring is our slow season and things are now picking back up; I spent the week planting seedlings, repairing fences, running around after babies, and doing deeper cleaning now that things are warmer and deep bedding isn't so much of a priority

which, I spent last summer consistently dropping without thinking too much about it, tbh, and I'm pretty sure now that it's bc of this job (there was other stuff like switching from regular ice cream to halo top, etc, but on the whole I wasn't doing things like counting and I hadn't even made this blog yet)

and for meals this week, I seemed to average just about 1k; some days were higher and others were lower, some days I felt like an unwilling black hole and others I was just... fine after eating a small lunch/dinner (I keep weird hours, it was the final meal of the day for me, idk); plus, no semi-fraught Easter lunch with my family

SO

that brings us to today's check in

$123.2

officially, for realsies, under that $125.00 goal, and also the amount I claimed on my drivers license bc I thought it was funny and it was only a little lower than my actual amount BEFORE UNIVERSITY, AND very genuinely really close to a secret goal I've had since I heard it as a song lyric in 11th grade: $120.00

I know, it's such a silly thing to base a goal off of, and really highlights just how pervasive unrealistic body standards are, that some man stated it as the measure of a fictional grown woman he was writing about who you KNOW he envisioned as being 'curvy' and taller than a literal child

but I'm still gonna hit it

and yep, I'm once of those people who have reduced their goals over time; you think a number sounds really low, and then you find out how much people who look the way you want to measure in at, and realize that if that's where you wanna be, this number isn't going to have you looking like that unless it's mostly muscle, and I'm for sure not mostly muscle

anyways, introspection on societal pressures out of the way, this morning's breakfast was a 1/3 of a cup of egg substitute (50), two low f 'canadian bacon' slices (20 each for 40 together), a slice of lite toast (45) with lite country crock spread (about 1/2 a tblsp, so half of 35), and my coffee (25), so that's a relatively high f and protein breakfast for just under 200 (and of course we round up to the bigger whole number!)

I was hoping to feel satiated from that, but it's not quite hitting like yesterday's grilled cheese did; ah, well, just one more data point to take note of!

now, fingers crossed I can finish this presentation before work this morning!!!

[psyoniks]

I am by no means a writer so sorry if this is bad/cringe/ooc/ the povs are all over the place but I'd thought it be fun to write some qsmp members(tubbo and phil) meeting my qsmpsona/oc when he first arrived on the island. This is set around a few weeks/a month after the frozen islanders thawed out

I might draw them or post some info/headcannons about them later bc my brain is obsessed atm.

If anyone can guess what Del is then you get a crêpe.

---

Tubbo was busying himself, working on his latest machine in the tubchunk. It was a suprisingly enjoyable moring in the spring season, not too warm and a little mist still hung over from the early morning. It was supposed to be a super smelter, but he was having complications with the conveyor belts at the moment. He hears a familiar, 'hey mate' behind him from the entrance. Phil could've been standing there for who knows how long and Tubbo would've had no clue unless he had something.

"Oh heyy Phil. How are youu." Tubbo calls out. Despite his cheerful greeting, its obvious that he was clearly frustrated for reasons Phil can only assume and needed to take a break. Tubbo doesn't take 'breaks.' Not even if Phil dragged him away from his precious machinery, which he has tried. Multiple times. Tubbo would always end up right back at his factory.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." Phil chuckles. "I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to meet the new islander?"

Tubbo gasps dramatically from somewhere, hidden from his machines. Screw his machines, they can wait. A moment later Phil can hear a faint, 'ow fuck' as Tubbo comes out under the conveyor belts, rubbing his head.

"What do you mean new islander? Did you meet them? Are they nice? Where'd they come from? What's their name?" Tubbo shoots out questions as always before Phil can open his mouth.

"I was just about to tell you." Phil sighs, but doesn't chide. It's Tubbo. "I only met them for a few moments, but they seem nice enough. Just really nervous, which is to be expected I guess." Tubbo can recall his first day on the island and it was anything but underwhelming, that's for sure.

"Their communicater name is 'Delune', but they mentioned something about wanting to be called Del. They don't know how they ended up here but seem really panicked about it. They mumbled something that sounded like 'I'm not supposed to be able to forget." Phil shrugs his shoulders, as if that's just a normal thing everyone goes through when they first end up in the island. He has a air of wariness around him, like he's unsure what to think of the new islander. And when Phil's unsure, that means there's something amiss.

The trip to spawn was a quick one, with the whooshing sound and the sight of purple surrounding the both of them. The magic crystals really were convenient. Who gives a shit about walking.

Phil stops for a moment, looking around for the newest member. "Just be careful Toby, we don't want to-" But before Phil could even finish his sentence, in the span of a couple moments, Tubbo had already spotted Del, standing alone uneasily, looking around the spawn area and had already began to rush over there as what could only be described as excitement. "For fucks sake." Phil muttered, even though Tubbo was already gone from earshot.

His mind told him to run away, move from the fast approaching person, but his body refused. His legs firmly stood on the grass. Del didn't have to see them to hear someone was coming. The grass was a vibrant green, catching his attention. It must be really well kept. In fact most of this area seems really nice. Too nice. Uncannily nice. His thoughts were rudely interrupted by the same teenager almost sprinting torwards him at an alarming rate and before he could shy away, the out of breath teenager spoke a little too loudly for Del's taste. "How....how old are you?" It takes a few awkward moments as the teenager catches his breath. "Man I really need to run more." Tubbo did not run more. The teenager's eyes directed at the ground before his attention is caught back by Del. "How old are you?" He repeated with such intensity, as if this were life or death.

A few thoughts were running through Del's head, most of them consisting of variations of, 'I don't like you' and 'loud'. The most prominent one of all was the nagging feeling that the bird man had come back to his dismay. His attention was immediately shifted to the older man and his body tensed up as if he were expecting a fight, not outwardly hostile but definitely alarmed. A fight for what, his spot of grass that he hasn't moved from his he got here? Del didn't know, but he felt like he had to defend his space. The older bird man unsurprisingly caught this, but gave away nothing as he stayed silent.

Del let the air become awkward as he ignored the teenager who was still right at the edge of his nonexistent seat, waiting for his answer. Like it was the answer to the universe. It might've been.

"I understand this is scary and unfamiliar-" Phil began to speak gently with a hint of confidence, trying to get the stranger to be less tense. "-but I'm not going to hurt you. I have no reason to do that." Del narrowed his eyes with suspicion, not whole heartedly believing the man. Maybe if someone else claimed that, he might've been convinced. It felt as if he were telling the truth to everyone but him. The teenager, noting the tension, started speaking rapidly again.

"Oh yeah, he's chill. This is Phil-" Anything past that, Del tuned out, not particularly caring for it. Phil noted it, but did not speak on it. The teenager did not, and went on for a while rambling. It was almost impressive how much he could talk without getting tired, before Tubbo remembered why he came over in the first place. He opened his mouth to ask the question again on the basis that maybe the new member didn't hear him. "Eighteen." Del answered bluntly.

There's a light breeze that still manages to chill Del slightly as there's an uncomfortable air while it's silent. Del turns to look at the teenager who's expression, one of pure joy. "I'm not the youngest on the island anymore! Screw all of you guys." Tubbo shouted loudly, Del winced. There was no one else there but Phil and him so he didn't know who 'you guys' referred to. The teenager seemed a bit too happy at this revelation, which Del found strange.

Tubbo takes a step forward torwards Del with no hesitation at at all. Del doesn't move, but doesn't particularly seem happy about it. What happened to personal space? Phil follows suit, albeit in a much more cautious manner than Tubbo. Del takes a step back, keeping the same distance between him and Phil, his careful stare not wavering.

"Damn Phil, he hates your ass. Maybe he has ornithophobia." Tubbo jokes but it falls flat. Sometimes he says things and he doesn't know why, feeling like he shouldn't know what that is. Phil did not respond, immediately picking up on a strange sound, his ears trying to pinpoint the location of it. Buzzing? No but similar but much quieter. Sounds close though. He glanced at Tubbo and Del, but neither of them seemed to pick up on his confusion by the strange sound. Or they just simply didn't care. Phil looks around, the confusion still evident on his face. "What the fuck is that noise?" Phil curses to himself quietly, still observing spawn sharply for anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it was some Federation bullshit to drive him insane. Phil wouldn't be suprised if that were the case but his mood definitely soured at the thought of it.

Tubbo has now picked up that Phil is most definitely searching for something, but doesn't know what. He turns back to Del with a shrug. "Don't worry about him, he gets sporadically senile at times. Phil's practically half way through deaths door." That garnered a punch in the arm from Phil. "Ow my feelings." Tubbo complained as he rubbed his arm. It didn't really hurt that badly.

Del looks at Tubbo for a moment blankly, then glances over to Phil, although not meeting the older man's eyes. He's completely still for a moment, hesitating before putting on a pair of headphones. With no confidence and unsure of where he was headed in unfamiliar territory, they started walking away without saying a word. The strange noise stopped.

"Do you think I scared him off?" Tubbo turns to Phil, a little confused. "Knowing you, probably." Tubbo narrows his eyes pointedly, before laughing. "Fuck off."

"There's definitely something about him. It's one thing to be nervous but it's almost like-" Phil is hesitant to finish his sentence. "Like he isn't used to being around around people." Thats not what he wanted to say but he couldn't just air out his suspicions. Or, at least not with Toby around at the moment. Tubbo chimes in with his own thoughts. "Maybe he was abandoned at birth. Raised by wolves." Phil shot him a judgmental look, raised eyebrow and all. Tubbo was used to it at this point. "That's silly."

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

O P E WHAT??!!?!??!

OH N O 😳😳😳😳😳😬😬😭

MARJAN'S GOING OFF THE ROAD AGAIN!! GIRL YOU DO THIS TOO MUCH

Yk like crashing and getting hunted down by a madman XDD

Wait who is that girl??

:OO Is that like a young Marjan??

That would be crazy :DD

OOPE nice they know :DDD 😬😬

Ohhhh nooOOOO thiiissss does not look good 😬😬😬😬😳😳😭

OOOOPE OHHH NOO

Okay well she's leaning on that girl so I do think she's real xD

I saw a couple cars I think, maybe her family died?? Idk

U H O H O.O 😬😬😬😬😳😳😳

HE'S GOT A GUN O.O

Ohhhhh nooooooooo 😳😳😳😳

MARJANNNN 😭😭😭😭

I am s t r e s s e d :')))

That's it for the last of my last thoughts! Now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I absolutely LOVED this episode :DD!! I thought it was amazing :)). I'm really glad we got a call, too! We don't always get calls, at least not ones the 126 responds to, in episodes like this. I mean, they're all about to characters, but these ones are like. Especially character episodes lol. Anyway XD, the call was really cool :D!! And! Marjan's storyline!!! We got to see her and she was AWESOME 🥰🥰🥰!!! And don't even get me started on the Tarlos wedding planning storyline :D. But, you will have to lol, because:

Now it's time for the individual parts!

Quick note, everything is after "loved this episode :DD!!" is from Monday, the day before the next episode. I didn't mean to put it off so much but I had a fundraiser and a concert and then planning a play rehearsal for spring break because we perform in 9 days :). Anyway! I didn't liveblog quite as much as I sometimes do, because I was REALLY invested in the episode lol 🥰. And then I'd get behind trying to do it and couldn't always remember specifics. But rest assured I did love the whole thing, and I'll try to put as much here as I can (but it has been a week and also my motivation is still not great lol)

Sorry that's a bit long xD. Anyway!

Nancy, Mateo, Paul, and Judd! I'm including them all together to make this easier lol. I love them 🥰🥰🥰. Their conversation with TK and Carlos XD amazing lol. Oh, and they were all great at their jobs :))). I'm gonna especially point out Paul, not that he was better than the rest of them, but just bc he was the one we saw more of. He slayed :D. Anyway, them all eating together was just 🥰🥰. And Nancy (all of them really) being like "you better have gotten enough to share >://" XDD. Amazing lol. Also Mateo with the fruit xD. Like my man not the time lol. And of course I have to mention Judd talking about his father in law xD, and then ". . . we didn't speak for two years" XDDD. They're all crazy lol, but/and I love them so much <333.

Tommy! We didn't see her much this episode but she slayed :)). I'm just putting her separate from the others because they were grouped up a bit lol. But! Yeah, she was amazing at her job, as always :)). And ayy, she said the thing xD. "Control freak", I mean, lol. I think she was the only one who did, even though it was the whole theme xD. Anyway, I love her 🥰🥰🥰❤️.

Grace! Another person we didn't see much - I don't even think we physically saw her xD. Just the call lol. But, nonetheless, she slayed :)). She was great at her job 🥰. Even if we only saw it for that second xDD. It's unfortunate, but alas, it happens. I miss her, even if she was technically here, though lol. Hopefully we see her more soon <33! I love her :)) ❤️❤️🥰.

Owen! And Andrea xD. He was GREAT this episode lol. As was Andrea. I mean, definitely flawed, but they were hilarious XD. And they learned :'))). Eventually XDD. But seeing the way they (especially Owen since he was doing it for longer) were acting before they talked was just OUUGHH. It was rough my man xD. And some things he said were more bearable than others lol. But the conversation he had with Andrea was beautiful :'). And SO so angsty xdd. Mostly from Andrea/Carlos. So good though <33. And of course, the ending scene :')). Y'all stoppp 😭😭😭❤️. It was so sweet and beautiful :'D. I'm really glad they got it sorted out, because I do think Owen and Andrea are capable of helping without taking over lol. And also just bc I wanted them to sort it out xD. But it was really great :'). With Owen's personality still in there, like with the magazine and the tea xD. Honestly though I didn't really think of it being the last thing he would give TK/TK would need from him as being the reason, but it makes sense and it worked well! All in all I just think it all worked out really well :). Also the Andrea Godfather scene was SO AMAZING AND ICONIC LOL. I was losing my m i n d during that scene xD. And many others but I was straight up dying lol. Oh, also, Owen was great at his job :)). As was Andrea if we're assuming it's mother lol. But also Owen in that same way too :). Eventually, like I said xD, for both of them though lol. Anyway, yeah, I love them ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰.

Marjan! AAAHHHHH MY GIRLLLL!! SHE SLAYED S O HARD :DDDDD!!! I'm so glad we got to see her again, and she was awesome too :D. I'm so glad she listened to her instincts (and Patty, who's an icon by the way) to help Kylie, and even after the failed plan she still did :'). Also somehow I missed her ditch it so I didn't think about this till someone mentioned it, and obviously it makes sense she did, BUT SHE BETTER GET THAT BIKE BACK xdd. She's driving a car in the promo but still like long term she better get it back lol. Anyway, I'm so glad both Marjan and Kylie are okay :D. That fight at the end was INTENSE, but it was a slay :D. And Marjan did find what she was looking for :')). Turns out she was right the whole time lol xD. But really, I think rescuing and saving people is her calling. And based on the promo and episode description, I think she realized that too :') 🥰. Speaking of, AAAAHHHHHHHH!!?!???! NOT OKAY xdd!!!! I'm sure it'll all work out, but it looks CRAZY. I'm still wondering who that little girl is, but I'm sure we'll find out! And I'm sure that, and the entire episode, will be interesting. Anyway you can just post bail for abuse xd? What the heck. I don't know if I want Marjan to have to go through the emotional stuff of killing him, but he better be done for good by the end of this xD. Even if thats just back in prison lol. Anyway, Marjan was amazing at her job - calling - today :')). I love her <3333 ❤️❤️.

TK and Carlos! AAAHHHHHH MY BOYYYYS 🥰🥰🥰. Their storyline was so hilarious this episode XD. And it also gave us SO MANY GOOD MOMENTS FOR THEM :DDDD!! The little communication they kept having, like their looks to each other in the scene when the first brought Andrea over; standing by each other when standing up to their parents (parent technically but yk); THE LUNCH SCENE!!! Iconic all around :'D. Also I think that lunch scene was better than we ever could have hoped for XD. It was so good lol. Not just funny with their conversation, but cute too :'DD, especially the beginning. Like y'all they switched 🥰🥰. It's totally fine to be together and not share food but like :DD. It's also so cute xD. Anyway, they're adorable 🥰🥰❤️. But yeah, I'm so glad they worked everything out with their parents :'D. It was lowkey torture watching them make decisions for their sons xD. As was intending, and it was hilarious, but still lol. Also painful xd. Anyway, yeah, seeing Tarlos just become more and more stressed about the decisions were making was funny, but also kind of 😭. These poor boys are going through it xd. Also CARLOS IS CAPABLE AND DECENT AND WILL TAKE CARE OF TK 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️!!! STOP I CAN'T DO THIS OWEN AAAHHHHHHH :'DDDDDD 😭🥰🥰!! Killed me lol. Like yk will take care of each other in a modern relationship kinda way not like a weird power dynamic lol :)). But, yeah <333. I loved all their little moments :')). And I just have to mention again the fact that Carlos didn't want to say anything but as soon as TK "snapped" he was right by his side - he loves his man <333. I just love them so much :'DDD 🥰🥰❤️.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! The call was cool, we got to see the 126 being amazing and adorable, and the two main storylines were AMAZING!! Also the way the Control Freaks theme translated over the plots was really cool :). Also I just love the parallel of an episode about Tarlos wedding planning being called Control Freaks, with TK calling Carlos a control freak and 3x04 and Carlos saying it in 3x05 :')). It was just sweet <33. And a bit funny xD. Anyway, I'm so glad Marjan managed to get Kylie out and Grant (that's his face right I just re-watched a bit to make sure I got Kylie's right lol) arrested :)). But I am definitely stressed for next episode 😬😬😬😳. I'm sure she'll be okay, but still xd. I mean. Probably. To be honest you never know with 9-1-1 or Lone Star XD. But I'm almost completely sure she will be lol - they wouldn't do that to us xd. I hope. Still, it looks intense o.o. It even looks like at some point he's pointing a gun at her in like a drain/sewer??? Wild o.o. And again, I'm excited and very interesting to see who the little girl is!! All in all it definitely looks great and I'm super excited for it :D. But with this episode, I'm glad everything worked out 🥰🥰🥰. I loved it so much :DDD!!

So yeah! I loved this episode, I thought it was absolutely amazing. I'm nervous for the next one! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 8: Control Freaks

It was great! I'm definitely excited for the next episode, but scared too. I'll be back next week with my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 9: Road Kill

See you then!

[eggmeralda]

tiny ramble that accidentally became a long ramble

(also death tw)

I'll still never get over in jan 2023 when I reblogged a post saying "reblog to get good news in late march" and I'm so superstitious that I reblogged it

and then it got to march and things were actually getting kind of better? so I was excited for whatever the good news in late march was gonna be

it got to the last 2 weeks of march and my best friend (housemate that I chose to live with) and his toxic girlfriend (housemate I literally didn't ask for but she moved herself in anyway) were having a Massive argument and I was like 😀😃 oh my goddddddd they're gonna break up this is the good news!!!!!!!!!!!!

then they didn't break up and then like a week later one of my sister's friends died. but while all this loud talking was going on in the room next to me as my sister told my parents about the call she just got from another one of her friends, I was listening to late spring true love by sadness for the first time and it was a banger so I was like 👍 but then I paused the song in the middle of it to see what all the fuss was in the other room, which is when I found out her friend had died

it was obviously like a whole thing for the next few hours but then a bit later I went upstairs and listened to music, and realised I was in the middle of that song. so I finished listening to it, forever to be associated with my sister's friend's death, only to realise near the end it uses basically the exact same melody as it does in that one phineas and ferb episode when ferb sees vanessa while he's in the car and for a few seconds it plays the most glorious melody my 10yo (<- probably) self had ever heard and wished was a real song all those years. and now here it was, almost identical in this song

and I remember feeling so much guilt bc it was like. my sister loses a friend forever and I gain a childhood wish come true for a song I never even thought I'd actually get. but I guess that was the good news in late march. the post never said there wouldn't be any bad news, it just said there will be good news. so it was right I guess.

[janeaustenprotagonist]

"and he said "it's supposed to be fun turning 21"

the annual birthday breakdown.

you hear all these people talking about what if you talked to 14 year old you, what would they say? well 14 year old me would be disappointed in us. 14 year old me would wonder why I haven't gone to the golden globes, or emmys, or tonys. 14 year old me would ask why we didn't get into college for opera and why we didn't get into the program. they'd ask why I'm in a wheelchair bc we're perfectly "able bodied." they'd ask why I'm sick bc we're "not sick." they'd ask why were not famous yet. they'd ask why we haven't been successful yet. they'd ask why am I considering alternative career routes bc "there can't be any backup plans, then you won't make it." they'd ask why I'm not living in New York. they'd ask why I don't have an agent. they'd ask why is all the sides and scripts and sheet music just collecting dust. they'd ask why I failed to live out our dream.

my mother came to me the other day and asked what I wanted to do for my 21st birthday. I said I didn't know I wasn't really thinking about it. she said I was "too old" for these silly birthday breakdowns. I see birthdays as a time to reflect on the past year and years prior, to see if I succeeded in everything I wanted to experience. every. single. year. I fail to meet those expectations. every single year, I fail myself. every single year I fail.

this year I thought it would be different, for some asinine reason. I'm not entirely sure why I thought I'd be okay this year, why I wouldn't breakdown this year. my birthday is sunday. happy fucking birthday to me. I'm turning the exciting age of 21. everyone is always excited for 21, it's the age you can legally drink and purchase some... other stuff as well. but I can't drink. my liver decided to try to commit s@/cide in december. so all of the quote on quote "fun" I can have on my birthday is completely ripped out from under me.

here's a fun little timeline of my birthdays

9-15: dad wasn't there

16: dad was there, but barely. got sushi and to see wicked.

17: my aunt died a week prior, so my birthday sucked. I had to stay at my other aunt's house and it really fucking sucked.

18: I tried to turn things around by planning a little online birthday party for myself playing online cards against humanity with a few of my best friends and my (now ex) fiancé. but surprise surprise, everyone except one bailed on my birthday INCLUDING MY EX FIANCÉ who claimed to need to "write an essay," but words whispered he was actually cheating on me with the umpteenth girl.

19: had classes the day of my birthday and my (now ex) gf ignored me the whole day and then a week TO THE DAY after my birthday I was diagnosed with RARE BRAIN CANCER and LOST THE ABILITY TO WALK DUE TO SMALL NERVE NEUROPATHY.

20: my uncle died a week before my birthday (SAME DAY AS MY AUNT), all my extended family came to live with us. my (now ex) bf broke up with me a WEEK BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY. through. a. fucking. text. a couple of my friends took me out for the day and we made a day of it and I got a build a bear which I love but fuckola.

now, 21. I once referred to a year an "unwanted visitor," but I believe this age is even less wanted than the year. I now have a lovely partner who dotes over me and makes me feel like I am a goddess, I have friends who love me and make me feel wanted. and I'm on antidepressants. I'm happy, I really am and it's shocking to read after this long of a post. but as you can see, I struggle with my birthday. I struggle with it immensely. my partner was trying to plan something for my birthday but shit kept getting in the way and of course now he can't get off work. he already made plans with me for the first day he has off but fuck.

I feel like everything always falls apart around my birthday. people begin fighting. others become severely depressed. it's that last push of winter before the spring flowers break ground.

I always feel as if I never truly celebrate my birthday. others celebrate it, but not me. it's an out of body experience. I don't feel real or to exist in this realm on that day. I feel incredibly empty on that day. I try to look happy and try to look excited, play the part for the camera. it's difficult to hide the ripped up quick, and scabs scarring from being picked. the waterworks welling in my eyes, one blow and it'll drown us all. I hate my birthday.

maybe if I took it as something it's not like most. maybe if I took it as something fun rather than a day to reflect. maybe if I took it as a day to relax rather than sobbing into a journal at 2am.

I'm not sure how much therapy it's going to take for me to like my birthday again, especially since I never have liked it.

I don't know how to tell my partner that I wish he wasn't so excited for my birthday. it's such a hard day for me. I've never had anyone excited about my birthday and it's hard for me to see that. he said I am "special and deserve to be treated as such." I've never had anyone say that to me. I don't know how to tell him that I'm struggling with this day. this stupid day we celebrate being alive another year. I wish it wasn't such a big deal. I know I have a lot to celebrate but I don't like celebrating it. other holidays? yes I love celebrating. but not my birthday. I don't know how to look my partner in the eye and say I don't want to celebrate my birthday. I think that might break his heart. all I want is to rot in bed, with him and not think about impending doom for a moment.

[cheolhub]

sar question! #?! $#+(/ ik u said u listen to sza before so.. favorite off the SOS album? or ctrl? and like do u have any OTHER music recs? bc im gonna be totally fr w u, any time u post ab a song i listen to it. like when svt had their comeback and u were raving ab fire.. now it's myyyYy favorite off the album. or when u had ur old theme and ud change the song in ur bio (? do u know what im talking ab help) every other day i'd add it to my liked... ANYWAYS.. yeah so thanks for blessing my ears (and eyes.. bc yk.. ur WRITING.. is so good.. so yeah....)

-person who has sent in an anon before but is kind of spooked to come back bc i dont think ull remember me omg umm it's the one from like three weeks ago? maybe? i sent a really long one and we talked ab soobin hands and then i said u got me into txt.. and i wanted to talk again but for some reason whenever i send anons the message always ends up.. REALLY.. long.. i just have a lot to say... but i really wanted to talk music with you so i HADddd to send in an ask.. but kind of want to send in other ones yk become a regular... but i feel like my asks r emotionally draining to answer.. because. long ass asks ANYWAYS SAR LMK IF I SHOULD COME BACK

HI FIRST OF ALL, OFC I REMEMBER YOU??? i know i say my memory is shit, but i lowkey remember everything 😭 YOU SHOULD COME BACK I TOLD U I WANTED U TO WTF. i love long asks so much, dont worry. they make me really happy, and i would love to have u as a regular if u want to put up w me 🥹🫶🏽

BUT ONTO MUSIC !! i LOVE sza. wanted to see her live but i had alrdy planned my spring break trip by the time she announced her concert dates ☹️ but shes coming to my city again in october so MAYBE. ANYWAY. off SOS my faves are far bc… that song was literally written for me & snooze 🥹 bc i think abt cheol when i listen to it >< AND blind too!! (low is an honorable mention) from ctrl i loveeeeee prom & go gina!!!

AND I NEVER THOUGHT ANYONE LOOKED AT THE SONGS IN MY BIO HDGAGE I WAS LIKE CHANGING IT AND DIDNT THINK ANYONE BOTHERED TO NOTICE SO I PUT WHATEVER I WANTED 🤣🤣

anyway omgggg um… music recs hmmm. what kinda music do u like?? i know that you like sza so ill recommend deserve me by kali uchis (and literally all of her other music ^^) i think you might like anything from rina sawayama !! men i trust are also one of my faves

i like a lot of everything (seriously ill go from krnb to slut pop to rock to alt indie) but i dont want to give u an overwhelming amount of music that you might not even like (ill get embarrassed lol) 😭 so just tell me what ur into, or if u want, i can give u a sarssentials spotify playlist !! it has all the music that i rlly like :>

[undadasea]

i’m a mess dsfgkhj

guys i’m so sorry about the lack of anything, life has been very crazy for me recently and it hasn’t really slowed down ;A; but you’ve all been amazing and so supportive and you’ve also sent in ideas for drabbles on rtyna, so i’m going to see if i can type one of those up quickly as a thank you!

i’m going to try and get more written soon, but idk if i’ll have time until after finals so please continue to bear with me, ily!! <3

[introvert-celeste]

Me post-meltdown @ me pre-meltdown: Bitch, you live like this?

[muffystudies]

An end to some things (like TV shows)

Hello again! it's been a long time since we last had a chat, hasn't it? Winter break has come and gone and I'm back at uni for spring semester so I thought I would give you a bit of a life update instead of doing something about the massive pile of homework I have on my desk despite it being week 2.

I finished my classes and finals just before my birthday (June 21 if anyone's interested). I got to keep my A in one of my classes, but the other I only just passed (accidentally doing my lab report on the wrong topic and only realising four days before it was due didn't help, nor did the IT department at my uni losing half of my final due to a computer glitch. I got to re take it though!) but as my gran always says: que sera sera.

I tried to use my winter break to try and get my life back together, but ultimately it was easier said than done.

We lost Benny a few days after my birthday. In a weird, roundabout way it was almost right - the dog we've had since I was a kid passing away a few days after I turned 21 and the official End of Childhood™. He had an amazing life though, and we can't ask for more than that.

I finished Castlevania on Netflix and now I have no idea what to watch next (at least until the Rondo/SotN spin off drops) so if anyone can rec me shows with a similar vibe, that'd be great. The ending was absolutely amazing and

*spoiler alert for the end of season 4*

now I kind of want a spin off about Trevor's adventures in the Infinite Corridor, Doctor Who style! I don't know, I just think it would be interesting to see something as arc and character-heavy as Castlevania done in the same sort of Monster-Of-The-Week style as Doctor Who. (Also I didn't think I'd cry when Lenore died bc I didn't really like her but the scene was so well done that I actually did cry a little and now its lives rent free in my head)

*end of spoilers*

We got Gracie from the pound a few weeks ago and while I'll admit it took a bit of time to get used to having a dog again, we can't imagine life without her now! She's still only a puppy so she has loads of energy and when she's not running around the backyard like a madwoman she's either cuddling up to one of us and forgetting that she's not tiny anymore or watching the tv (I left the tv on racing.com by accident while I was cleaning out my closet and went to get another trash bag for things to donate and I saw her watching the horses being led around the mounting yard. No I am not joking).Tldr: I would die for her.

And that concludes the life update! Shout out to you if you're still reading this and regular posting will be back in the next few days! have a pic of Miss Gracie for your troubles!

[queerplatonic-sculder]

my entire being is just one big pile of confusion rn. i am trying to decide what i wanna do for the spring semester and i'm almost leaning towards dropping/not taking any classes at all this semester bc i still don't know what i wanna do and any classes that could apply to multiple things don't look appealing to me atm, especially bc idk if i would be wasting my time and energy taking them. also i hate online classes??? i'm kinda tempted to just not go back at all until i can fully go on campus, but who tf knows when that will be... 😑 i have one possible idea for something i'd maybe wanna do, but i don't think it would even require college so. uh. lmao. but even that i'm still debating bc idk for sure if it would be what i wanna do and also idk if it would be good in the long run? so it's like 😐 wtf am i doing. and if i do go on a break from college, then i'm debating getting a full time job, not just for something to do so i'm not just sitting around, but also bc i'm debating possibly attempting to get an apartment. which is probably fucking insane and stupid, but yeah. but also if i do decide on something i'd want to major in and go back to college, i was also debating trying to transfer to one where i could live on campus? so why bother trying to move out now? literally all this i'm so unsure of. ik i don't have to figure it all out right this minute (the class thing i have to figure out by at least this week though, bc the semester starts on the 20th lmao) but i'm freaking out!!! i feel so stupid and useless bc idk what i wanna do and i have no plan. the only "plan" i had went out the window. sorry, this is probably stupid compared to other problems ppl are going through rn, but i'm just so annoyed at myself. too many thoughts, head full

[thelazyeye]

*elbow bump* well now that you got the free time I'd love to hear all your thoughts on "I Am Not Okay With This" and Locke & Key! also you making any progress with The Raven Boys?

So I have not made progress with Blue Ivy, Ivy Blue but I am planning on reading over these next few weeks!

I thoroughly enjoyed both shows. IANOWT went down like a slightly longer movie. I finished it in a day. It was really fun but I couldn’t help but feel like as soon as the climax hit it was over. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s like a movie ending right in the middle. I loved the actors in it, they were so fun. And I loved the plot. I figured out the dad thing about halfway through. And I would kill for Stanley Barber. 

Locke and Key was really fun!!! I was so worried it’d be scary but it wasn’t! I adored the characters and the plot. I would die for Tyler he was byfar my favorite character. I had figured out most of the twists either early on or right before it happened. The foreshadowing was really well done. I also firmly believe the ENTIRE show is one big metaphor for trauma and unresolved PTSD (fear, anger, control, flashbacks, dissociation, etc). It was really really good. I can’t wait for season 2. 

I’m really glad I was finally able to watch both shows. I ended up SLAMMING them down during my original spring break bc I didn’t think I’d have another chance but now I have an extended spring break and a lot of free time (which I am both happy and unhappy about). But I guess it’s a blessing so I can keep working on my thesis and my other grad projects. 

[lullabydust]

okay so one (1) Good Thing that MIGHT be happening is that I may be able to take a cruise to the bahamas over spring break, if I can find someone to go with me

[skunkyrp]

Name- Wolfgang Ansel Rosenbaum

Birth year- 1263

Wolfgang's been a vampire for a very long time, nearly a thousand years. He's watched the world shape itself, changing rapidly from one century to the next. The turn of the 19th century was like being on the receiving end of a tuna to the face. 1802 was when the steam engine came about, and from there, technology exploded. Wolf had a hard time keeping up with the world's advancements. First telegraphs, then telephones, motor vehicles, and aeroplanes. Wolf was amazed every time a new gadget hit the headlines. Seeing the future unfold firsthand would never get old, or so he thought. By the 21st century, it was so commonplace that he didn't care when yet another "new" iPhone made its debut. The only advancements that gave Wolf that brand new steam engine feeling was in space technology, far beyond what he could comprehend. Imagine you were born in a world where the earth revolves around the sun, and the stars are pinpricks in a paper globe. Come to find out that the planet, nay, the galaxy, is one dust mote in an infinite, unfathomably large universe.

Advancing technology aside, the passing times presented unique obstacles for Wolf and other supernatural creatures. Social networking got more intricate. The isolation created by modern politics and economic disparities meant people fought harder to be together and to keep one another safe. So beings like vampires had to think critically about where their next meal came from. Modern forensic science blindsided those who still chose to hunt. The discovery of DNA and trace evidence meant the jig was officially up. The hunters who weren't part of some kind of association or guild quickly got with the program, and hunting became a respected occupation.

Thankfully, Wolf hasn't had to deal with hunters in centuries. He started farming his own blood source back in the 1500s, after The Fall of Dracula. Then, in 1930, he had a nasty run-in with a particular party of German extremists, who chased him throughout northwestern Europe until the second world war started. He joined the British army to avoid capture.

After that, he took himself to Ohio, where he's stayed in relative peace for the past 75 years. He bought a bar in a small neighborhood near the coast of Lake Eerie. He helped establish another branch of one of several global networks dedicated to keeping supernatural creatures out of reach from hunters. Wolf was responsible for a few laws and bills passed in the United States, some of which granted beings like vampires and lycanthropes the status of "human with a disease." Some of these laws are a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" thing. To use Nephilim terminology, as long as Downworlders behaved, they could live in peace. But, of course, most humans still lived in blissful ignorance; their whole lives shrouded in glamour.

STARTER

It's about noon on the first Saturday of Spring Break. The bar was packed up to close this morning, and there are already a few early bird spring breakers here, hardly seven hours later. He's had help wanted posters out for weeks, with no bites. He hoped to staff up for the summer and maybe even give some of the long-haulers some much-deserved time off. Wolf was wiping down the counter and checking on a few things when the door opened. He looked up to see who might be another patron or a new employee.

Hey there y'all. I'm looking for something fun and exciting to do with this character. He can be placed in any setting of any genre. IF there's romance, it'll be slowburn. It can be mlm or mlw, doesn't matter bc Wolf is bisexual.

As for requirements, I'm not picky. You don't need to include a bio. I'd rather learn about your character organically through the course of rp. Wolfgang has a whole google doc with notes, so another fleshed-out character would be amazing. I'm dealing with undiagnosed ADHD, so my response times vary from minutes to months. I always come back, though, don't worry.

If you don't have a plot in mind for your character, we can go with the starter on this post or discuss plots in pms. I'm open to anything.