#i thought i was finally over it but nope
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i just want more media and literature where the protagonist gets like. dehumanized. or demonized or possessed or changed into something that's not quite human one day and then they just have existential crises about it. and they suffer. is that too much to ask
#i have consumed. so much media content. i need more#its a GOOD DYNAMIC okay and i am unsatisfied with the amount of content I can find >:(#jjk and the sukuna thing where he commits mass murder and makes the vessel remember it all and his friends are scared of him? amazing#blue exorcist with the 'surprise you thought you were human! nope!' and he has to constantly fight to prove he's still a person? wonderful#no notes#literally everything that is the danny phantom fanon? fucking incredible knocking it out the park with angst#inuyasha i don't even have to describe the WHOLE thing is just. hhhhoooo my god. i love it. so much.#not human enough for humans not demon enough for demons#i need to sit down and find a book series that is like multiple massive novels long on this theme#i am this close to just making my own#something something gender nonconforming analogy something something trauma#anyways blue exorcist season 4 came out yesterday and it looks like they're finally up to adapting the arc that i go absolutely FERAL over#which is the whole [no spoilers] white hair bit
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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Tragic: You attended a convention in the hopes of finding character merch, but you don’t care for Pokemon, One Piece, or JJK.
#I swear I could find almost nothing else#even other currently huge IPs in comics and anime#I thought there’d finally be some vendors with Wolverine stuff because of D&W but nope#(Wolverine is my favorite and has been for over a decade)#I also like lots of classic anime that are considered timeless and cons used to have a good staple of that stuff#like cowboy bebop and Evangelion and the like#or even death note and that kinda stuff#or there’d be whole booths for all the sports anime across time!#but this con has shifted from that to mostly resellers (so many fucking resellers)#and original artists are all in a very specific style#really disappointing honestly#starting to think that this con isn’t for me and I’ll be looking for smaller ones going forward#I got some owl house stickers and that was my best find#grabbed some original non-fandom prints too
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During the Myrkul fight, Alfonso got brought down to 1hp thanks to his orc racial ability and then on his turn, he took that big spooky skeleton from over 100hp to 0.
So I'm just imagining Al got smacked with the scythe, nearly died, heard Gale cry out to him, stood up, cracked his knuckles and wrassled that bone man into submission. Just ran up his skeleton arm, punched a hole in his skull, and then flipped them both into a backflip to slam that avatar of death into the ground, putting a decisive end to Kethric.
Gale probably tried to hug him after. Poor Alfonso couldn't stand it for long cause a lot of his bones were broken but he did the coolest shit of his career and his boyfriend is unexploded so it's fine.
#what actually happened was the necromites were starting to gun it for myrkul#and al was on 1 hp#so he took a swiftness potion and stunned myrkul finally#and then punch the fuck out of him#it was very cool and fun#i thought astarion was going to do the leg work but nope#Al stole the spotlight and cleaned shop#the half orc racial features are too good#i love this guy so much#and gales little convo before the fight about choosing al over doing what mystra wants was ADORABLE#its too cute#bg3
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its amazing how bad ash vs cameron was. literally who thought any of that was a good idea. the only value it has is being the source of that hydreigon secret weapon video
#especially when virgil was hyped up and couldve been a perfectly fine character to knock ash out#ESPECIALLY by giving him sylveon#couldve been an excellent callback to johto where losing to blaziken was what inspired him to go to hoenn in specific#but…… nope#like at least tobias is funny. at least his battle is actually really cool#its a prime example of bw prioritizing really mean spirited comedy over good writing sometimes#bc why would you constantly joke about how weak and stupid this character is to the point he gets knocked out quickly anyways#and nearly failed to even enter the league. and then have whats essentially the gym league finale be abt him sweeping our protagonist#does anyone even like cameron as a character?? i dont. i just thought he was really annoying#cant believe they wasted the samurott rep on him. well. ig i can believe it bc bw despised oshawott lmao#and hey go figure! pretty sure the ‘’ashs oshawott is just a throwaway’’ line is from ash vs cameron lmao#echoed voice
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well. today was harrowing.
#a short timeline (cw for emetephobia)#woke up. went to cvs to get my new meds. took said new meds.#went to work. ate breakfast although I was already feeling a little nauseous#just thought I was hungry bc I didn’t eat enough last night#nope. was counting copepods. realized I was gonna puke.#puked in the public restrooms of the biology building.#gross.#felt better. worked some more. ate a small lunch bc I was still a lil nauseous.#got dizzy. thought ‘damnit here we go again’#did not puke. instead: felt dizzy and faint.#this is familiar to me. i have passed out before.#I get to the ground with my water bottle in hand. knees to chest. deep breaths.#this is lasting a lot longer than it usually does.#coworker realizes I’m pale as hell sweating on the floor#other coworker has more first aid training. sits by my side and helps me out of my flannel bc I am Sweating Profusely.#vision finally starts to clear.#now I am in terrible stomach pain.#double over and try not to cry.#once i can stand again: coworker helps me to bathroom.#in there for A While.#I lived bitch.#still shaky. coworker drives me home.#Bathroom.#I am NOT taking those meds again tomorrow.#this has been: sef’s fucking medical history post or whatever#Jesus.
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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catching covid after my 3 year no-covid streak feels kinda bad ngl
#I thought it was some type of flu for the past few days but nope#tbf I’ve been sick three other times these past three years and one time was sus as hell but I’ll never know what that was all about…#yeah not catching covid felt like a Highscore streak. yeah I do think about everything in my life in terms of gamification u_u#when the new chapter released I was like: oh there is so much going on maybe I’ll manage to be more active again and then I was just out#it’s a bit better now at least but I’m also finally catching on that it has the worst timing#my family was meant to visit me next week but I’ll still be contagious so don’t think that’s gonna happen#also in 5 1/2 weeks I’ll need to finish a substantial part of my bachelor project…#things are happening but I had a horrible creative slump right before falling sick so that kinda sucks#at least my vis dev part of the project is mostly over now so maybe I’ll get back to some casual fanart again soon… I miss it :(#when I was younger everytime I got sick I just started grinding out fanart. dunno where that energy went because now I can’t even move#my pinky when I’m sick#sina’s rambling
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not even a day playing garou: mark of the wolves and I'm already kinda good in playing as B. Jenet + I was able to get her arcade ending (which has to be met at a certain requirements in order to get said ending - there's like. a secret boss after the first boss.)
#snkposting#although to be fair i did depower the final boss which is an option to do in the game if you continue#the game after dying#shallow rambles#shallow plays a game#fyi those not in the loop garou characters do cross over to kof but kof is like. it's own separate timeline type thing kinda.#look it's complicated you thought the mcu made an advancement in this multiverse thing!! NOPE!! SNK did it first
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Got my annual raise and it was kind of pathetic 🙃
#i thought I'd finally break 20 dollars an hour but nope#i know i sound really shitty saying that but cost of living is so high it doesn't go that far#and also i do so much fucking work and have seniority over like 90% of my coworkers#and I'm sure they're making as much if not more than me#cool.
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wait also while im making text posts do yall think i should reply to the 12 paragraph manifesto my ex sent to my school email last week or should i let it simmer in my inbox a bit longer
#lee’s bullshit#for context she is saying she wants to be friends again which !! fat fucking chance loser#like sorryy but actually i Dont want to be friends with someone who is shit talking me and assuming the worst about me all the time !!#also like she is so immature and petty and downright mean like nope sorry i just finally used my eyes and realized i have no interest !#like picking a fight w our sweetest roommate over a communication error on your aprt is ridiculous enough but BLAMING her and BLOCKIGN her?#youreeee done ! sorry !#so i have not responded bc i thought i had made it pretty clear already i was not interested and will continue to not be interested at all#anyway ive been losing my mind w all of this stuff so im just leaving it here thanks#she also owes my roommate a minumum of $60 but wants me to pay her back $10 for smth she got me as a gift liek sort out your priorities#ugh i need to close this it makes me so mad to think abt any of it
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN GLENN THREW AWAY SEPH’S LOCKET??? OH MY GOD
#little robot thoughts#final fantasy vii#ffvii first soldier#spoilers#DUDE#YOU GAVE HIM A COMPLEX#and he knows how much it means to him#they spent hours turning over dead bodies looking for that thing#Glenn wtf#nope nope fuck that didn’t happen#i refuse
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#tooth trauma tw#the last shard of my wisdom tooth FINALLY came out#fucker was a whole 6 millimeters long and about 3 millimeters wide; no wonder my tongue was still irritated#i thought it was a stitch that just hadn't dissolved yet but lol nope#must have been one of the pieces that flew all over the place when my tooth broke mid-operation#y'all my mouth feels mostly normal again!#totally gonna have an apple AND a salad tonight#fucking finally#shut up ace
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“S’it an animal?”
“Nope.”
“A character?”
“Mm, sort of.”
“What d’you mean sort of? Either is or isn’t.” Simon tries to rationalize with you from where he’s sat, arms stretched out wide along the back of the couch. He’s waiting for you to come out of the bedroom and show off the Halloween costume you apparently had to buy when you spotted it in a shop the other day.
Instead of sauntering out of the room and simply showing him the costume though, you’re making him guess what it could be. You’re always making him work for it, his missus. He can’t get enough of you.
“Nuh-uh,” you disagree with him. “Someone could dress as a sports player but not be a specific player. Could dress as a mermaid but not be the little mermaid, ya know?”
“Okay, I see watcha mean, lovie. Can I please just see you now?” Simon relents, all too eager to get a glimpse at your costume.
He’s never been a big fan of Halloween. Growing up, his front doorstep never had a pumpkin proudly displayed on it (not that any of the kids in the neighbourhood would have gone up to the door to trick or treat anyway, had there been one), and the handful of years he made an effort to take Tommy out their costumes consisted of last minute bedsheets thrown over their heads, pillow cases used to collect their loot.
He enlisted not long after high school graduation, and so there are no memories of college Halloween parties with mates and girls in scandalous costumes. But having seen the cheeky grin on your face as you scurried into the flat, refusing to let him peek at the costume lest he ‘ruin the surprise’ as you put it, hearing your sweet giggle as he swatted your bum and told you to get on with the show then, well, he could see Halloween growing on him.
“Any final guesses?” You say, peeking your head ever so slightly out the doorframe to catch a glimpse of your love where he sits patiently waiting for you, careful not to reveal any of your costume yet.
“Not a single one, pretty.” He answers without hesitation, ready for your reveal. In actuality, Simon’s mind has been absolutely swimming with ideas of what you might potentially walk out in. He’s aware that some women take this ‘holiday’ as an excuse to wear some more risqué clothing, and he finds the front of his pants growing tighter at the possibility of you walking out in something he’ll make sure never leaves the walls of your flat again.
“Well, Johnny thought it was pretty hilarious, if that helps at all.” You giggle, looking into the mirror one last time to make sure the costume looks right.
“Johnny??” Simon asks bewildered. “Love, don’t be textin’ that bloke so much, he’s got nothin’ but rubbish ideas in his-”
Simon loses his train of thought as he watches you step out into his line of sight, eyes tracing your figure from head to toe, and back up again.
“Is that-”
“I’m a Ghostbuster!” You squeal excitedly. “Isn’t it great, Si? I’m already so good at busting ghosts!”
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost fanfic#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#simon ghost riley fluff#simon riley fluff#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost#cod fluff#cod fic#cod fanfic#cod x reader#readwritealldayallnight#johnny soap mactavish#halloween
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Really good Twitter thread originally about Elon Musk and Twitter, but also applies to Netflix and a lot of other corporations.
Full thread. Text transcription under cut.
John Bull @garius
One of the things I occasionally get paid to do by companies/execs is to tell them why everything seemed to SUDDENLY go wrong, and subs/readers dropped like a stone. So, with everything going on at Twitter rn, time for a thread about the Trust Thermocline /1
So: what's a thermocline?
Well large bodies of water are made of layers of differing temperatures. Like a layer cake. The top bit is where all the the waves happen and has a gradually decreasing temperature. Then SUDDENLY there's a point where it gets super-cold.
That suddenly is important. There's reasons for it (Science!) but it's just a good metaphor. Indeed you may also be interested in the "Thermocline of Truth" which a project management term for how things on a RAG board all suddenly go from amber to red.
But I digress. The Trust Thermocline is something that, over (many) years of digital, I have seen both digital and regular content publishers hit time and time again. Despite warnings (at least when I've worked there). And it has a similar effect. You have lots of users then suddenly... nope. And this does effect print publications as much as trendy digital media companies. They'll be flying along making loads of money, with lots of users/readers, rolling out new products that get bought. Or events. Or Sub-brands.
And then SUDDENLY those people just abandon them. Often it's not even to "new" competitor products, but stuff they thought were already not a threat. Nor is there lots of obvious dissatisfaction reported from sales and marketing (other than general grumbling). Nor is it a general drift away, it's just a sudden big slide. So why does this happen? As I explain to these people and places, it's because they breached the Trust Thermocline.
I ask them if they'd been increasing prices. Changed service offerings. Modified the product.
The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid" Then I ask if they did that the year before. Did they increase prices last year? Change the offering? Modify the product?
Again: "yes, but not much."
The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid." "And the year before?"
"Yes but not much. And everyone still paid."
Well, you get the idea. And here is where the Trust Thermocline kicks in. Because too many people see service use as always following an arc. They think that as long as usage is ticking up, they can do what they like to cost and product.
And (critically) that they can just react when the curve flattens But with a lot of CONTENT products (inc social media) that's not actually how it works. Because it doesn't account for sunk-cost lock-in.
Users and readers will stick to what they know, and use, well beyond the point where they START to lose trust in it. And you won't see that. But they'll only MOVE when they hit the Trust Thermocline. The point where their lack of trust in the product to meet their needs, and the emotional investment they'd made in it, have finally been outweighed by the physical and emotional effort required to abandon it. At this point, I normally get asked something like:
"So if we undo the last few changes and drop the price, we get them back?"
And then I have to break the news that nope: that's not how it works.
Because you're past the Thermocline now. You can't make them trust you again.
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