#i thought i was done with missing hs but i still do

[fear-is-truth]

i can imagine singer reader. her origin story is dating rodrick in hs, and for a few of their gigs, they let her sing on stage which led to them gaining much more traction (obvi a girl with a gorg voice!!!).

loded diper never made it past highschool, and honestly they never intended it to. but, now !reader has a band. and i can just see it all so clearly, and i fear i am not making this ask clear at all but i can't think of how to word it.

INTRODUCING… SINGER!READER

faded loded diper shirt, sleeves torn off. flannel shirts (stolen from her boyfriend), chunky rings, silver. nails painted blacked or chipped, depending on the day. torn fishnets, combat boots and converse. black eyeliner, done by rodrick (she insists he does a better job than her). monster energy in hand. hole, bikini kill, joan jett—riot grrrl anthems. keychains hanging from her bag.

it all started in his parents’ basement. sticky floors, tangled cords, and amps turned up way too loud. rodrick let her sing one night as a joke, but the second her voice hit the mic, everyone stopped laughing. even him.

they started letting her on stage for a few gigs. she was known as “the girl” in the band. the reason loded diper started pulling bigger crowds. the guys teased her about it, but they all knew the truth—people weren’t coming for the music. they came for her.

they stayed together, even after loded diper fell apart. high school ended, rodrick got into college and even managed to get a part-time job—something she never thought he’d actually do. the bandmates drifted off.

but she didn’t stop. couldn’t stop.

she still has the loded diper shirt he gave her, the sharpie had faded, but she never got rid of it. keeps it folded in a drawer with her other relics from high school—the setlists scribbled on notebook paper, a few grainy photos, the drumstick he broke during one of their best shows.

now, she has a band of her own. inspired by hole, bikini kill, avril lavigne and joan jett. monster energy cans scattered across their shared apartment. a lipstick-stained coffee mug on the amp. her guitar case is covered in stickers, but her favourite says, “don’t be a groupie, be a rockstar”

she’s the one chasing her dream now, playing shows in sweaty little venues while he works and drums in his free time. her boyfriend shows up to every gig, leaning against the back wall with his arms crossed, pretending he isn’t as proud as he is. sometimes, rodrick still misses being on stage with her. watching her take over the crowd while he kept the beat behind her. but he knows this is her moment, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 fear-is-truth — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

[squoxle]

Hi ! Could you write something where like y/n is sucking or playing with heeseungs dick & she just got her fresh nails done and they’re pretty and EVERHTING & she poses with heeseungs dick and adds a bow …

(Sorry for taking so long to respond to your request)

French Tip ~ L. HS

pairing: sugar-daddy!bf!heeseung x babygirl!gf!reader| wc: 1.3k | plot: after getting your nails done, you're excited to show Heeseung your fresh, new set. | cw: 🔞MDNI!! blow job, boob job, hand job, basically touching his dick in every way possible and snapping a few pictures lol bc why tf not (there're also a few cute moments hehe)

Having your boyfriend pay for your nails was nothing out of the ordinary to you. He did this almost every week, or whenever else he thought they should be done.

Sometimes you would ask for his input, but today was not one of those days. You wanted to surprise him with a fresh, natural-looking set.

French Tips...

"When you finish getting your nails done, send me a pic. I wanna see what they look like," he said before kissing you on the cheek. You could still smell the scent of coffee from this morning in the air.

That alone was addicting enough, but when the scent of his Channel cologne was mixed in only one thing was on your mind. And that was getting back in bed with him. Or at least pleasing him while he tells you how pretty you look.

"Okay," you smiled softly as you looked into his sweet doe eyes. You pulled the gold chain of your black clutch bag over your shoulder as you headed out the door.

You would've loved for him to take you to your nail appointment today, but he had some business to take care of at home. To be specific, he had a very important meeting over Zoom with a few of his colleagues concerning a very important business deal, which he made crystal clear to you the day before.

Before heading to your appointment, you stopped to place an order for some desserts. Heeseung planned to have a business party next week and he left you in charge of the food.

"Why do you want me to do it? Can't you just hire someone else to take care of this," you asked, not because you had a problem with it, more so for the reason that you were honestly curious.

"Well, you have good taste," he smiled.

"Mhm, sure I do."

"Well, that and you taste good," he smirked, pulling you close to flick his tongue across your lips.

You took a sip from your water bottle as you walked into the beauty salon. "Good morning, Dear. Are you here for your 9 o'clock appointment?" Mrs. Yanez asked from behind the desk.

"Yes, ma'am," you smiled.

"Alright, I'm just gonna log you in," she said as she clacked away at her keyboard. "Do you know what you want to do today?"

"Yes, I'll need a full, fresh set along with a mani-pedi."

"Did you want a massage as well?"

"No, that's alright."

"You sure, it's 30 percent off today. Plus you've accumulated a total of 1500 pretty points with us."

"Hmm, well I'll definitely use those points another day," you smiled. "And as much as I would love a discounted massage, I kinda wanna get back home a little early today."

"Ooh, Mr. Lee must be home today," she teased.

"Yes, he is," you chuckled.

"Well, then I won't keep you waiting any longer," she smiled before pushing a small black button. She often reminded you of the tía-sobrina relationship you never had. You could talk to her about anything, and trust me...she wanted to hear it.

"Right this way, Miss," a masked employee nodded as you followed her to the back. You giggled as Mrs. Yanez playfully waved to you with a smirk on her face.

You sat down in a soft leather chair as you explained what look you were going for today. "I would like a natural-looking set. Almost like French tips, but with natural shades."

"So no white tip?"

"Well white like the color of my natural nails," you explained pointing to the whites of your nails.

"Okay, perfect. I can do that for you. Gloss or not gloss?"

"Gloss," you smiled, as the lady turned around to pick from the colors on her shelf. A nude color, an off-white color, and a pale yellow--which she mixed with the white to match the natural color of your nails.

Having a custom color mixed made your nails feel pretty unique. Plus, this was a style you never tried before, so you were excited to see how they'd come out.

After about 45 minutes you were ready to go. Two people ended up working on you which sped up the process.

"Tell Heeseung I said hello," Mrs. Yanez smiled as you walked out.

"I will," you chuckled as she waved to you.

You climbed into your car before heading over to a nearby boba shop to pick up some drinks. Matcha for you and brown sugar for him. You liked extra boba and he liked extra syrup. These were little details you could never forget.

*Click* you snapped a shot of you holding the brown sugar boba because it looked better with your nails, even though it was for Heeseung.

Within seconds he opened the message and hearted the pic you sent. "They look nice, babe," he texted. You were surprised he even said that much.

"Maybe his meeting hasn't started yet. Or maybe they canceled it," you thought to yourself. Either way, you couldn't wait to get back home.

"Heeseung?" you called out as you stepped out of your shoes. Your car keys, clutch bag, and phone balanced between your fingers as you carried both of the drinks over to the counter. You had drunk about a fourth of your by the time you made it home.

You placed yours on the counter as you walked into his home office.

You knocked softly as you opened the door. Heeseung didn’t say a single word, but the look on his face told you everything. “I’m a little busy right now, babe. You can come back later, okay.”

You paused in both shock and embarrassment for a moment before a cheeky smirk appeared on your face. You closed the door behind you before walking over to his desk.

He was trying his best not to look at you, but you could tell he wanted to.

You placed his drink on the desk next to him before crawling under the desk. As professional as Heeseung tried to be at times, he loved wearing his sweat pants and you liked them too.

They were comfortable and made pulling his dick out so much easier.

You fiddled around with his drawstring causing him to wiggle a bit from your touch before you managed to get his dick out. You felt him harden between your palms as you stroked him up and down. That's when an idea popped into your head.

You pulled your phone out and snapped a shot of his tip against your tongue. You placed your phone down beside you as you began to suck him off. You felt him lean forward slightly, trying his best to contain his excitement.

You kissed the head of his dick to give him a chance to readjust himself. You could hear the voices of his colleagues coming from his computer as you continued to suck him off. You pulled back to unbutton your blouse using your tits to take the place of your hands as you jerked him off.

*Click* you took another pic of his dick nestled in between your tits.

You traced your tongue up the length of his shaft before taking it back in your mouth. It wasn't long before you heard him getting ready to end the call.

You looked up at him from under the desk. "Couldn't wait until after my meeting," he asked with a smirk.

You shook your head no as you continued to bob your head on his cock.

"Did you at least enjoy yourself?"

"Hmm...almost. I still feel like I'm missing a little something."

"And what would that be?" he asked cheekily, though he was fully aware of what you wanted...especially after you opened your mouth to tap his tip on your tongue.

He grabbed your head, shoving it down as he pumped himself into your mouth. Just as he was getting ready to cum he pulled your head back to coat your tongue.

*Click* He took a photo of your sitting between his legs with his cum all over your tongue and a dazed look on your face.

He paused to tap away at his phone before sending a pic of you with a bow edited on your head looking completely cum drunk.

❀ Thank you all so much for reading! Make sure to check out other works on my masterlist!

❀ 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @chlorinecake @mimikittysblog @nikisvanillaccola @wonbinisbabygurl @mrswolfhard3 @laylasbunbunny @sussyjake @furious-eagle @cherrriesss @abbyizzy @weyukinluv @addictedtohobi @thatonenoona @wavykook @givemeyourtmihyun @jaeljn @hoonmywk @valennshit @19-yunalyn @hoonbby @frostedblankets @hoonsyo @no-mannerism @perfectxserendipity @chubbibish @ihrtlix @bunniesforsoobin @thereadersparadise @thatbooknerdfr @aiden2001 @belongstoheeseung @jakeybabe @donut-crazs @rizzhee @nikimeows @woonieees @uarmyxtae @rebecca-johnson-28 @they2luv1naia @isa-2007 @silcry @riverscafe @pearlwhitesoul @nikohiroshi @thatbooknerdfr @wonniewonwon @sughoonieeee @babyy-bambii @adrika04 @sehunsharpasseyebrows @wtfyangjungwon @fr-3-akn-4-stymf @rikiloversworld @shawyle @sunoosrightbuttcheek @uarmyxtae @lovesickxmina @urfavberry @urauntiefaye @breadlover01 @taehyunsfavmo

[dingodad]

genuine thought what do you think of jane's writing for all of postcanon? i feel like its been a big missed opportunity on both timelines to make her go down incredibly similar paths (really weakening a lot of themes about nurture > nature that homestuck previously loved doing), and i feel like everything involving her still is something that dogs the narrative when i read new updates. that could just be me though, i try not to read much opinion on hs2 outside of a few people i trust to post analyses of it LOL

it wouldn't be right of me to comment on this with any confidence or in any depth until i've done my Epilogues reread at the very least, and ideally reread Homestuck proper to get a real grasp on jane as a character, but i have already commented on how easy it is to see jane's descent into fascism as a pretty logical extension of her liberal-conservative leanings in youth.

the bit about both janes being largely the same character is, i feel, part of a completely different problem, which is that since the Epilogues' conclusion the continued story has struggled to make good use out of the two-epilogues premise. only a handful of characters really are meaningfully different across the two epilogues; and within the Epilogues themselves this works perfectly okay! because I don't think "nurture > nature" is really a fair simplification of Homestuck's philosophy; the characters' intrinsic natures are significant driving forces behind the story, and from what I remember of my initial Epilogues-reading experience we were never really meant to think of the two epilogues as different stories. rather, they weave together and echo and reflect each other as they show us how characters with the same nature respond to slightly different stimuli, just like different iterations of the same characters do in Homestuck proper. Jane maintaining a similar presence in each version of the narrative is one way it cements that connection.

it's unfortunate that for Jane it had to come together in such a way that dredged up all these implications about girls getting in the way of yaoi, but ultimately and without a doubt making some of the established human characters into the new villains was the most interesting direction the story could have gone in, and after all the spotlight Dirk has got I think it was about time one of the girls got a chance! and i think that's such an important consideration; if one allows oneself not to be bothered by sentimentalities about which characters they like, and which characters they think would or would not agree with their political opinions, evil Jane is a COOL development for her character. and my personal thoughts on the matter, which are largely echoed by Homestuck's sensibilities as a whole, are that female characters should always be allowed to develop in ways that are COOL, even if they are controversial.

the thing is that by the end of the Epilogues the two stories have truly diverged, and the sequel is given the unenviable task of continuing to give these two radically different takes on Homestuck equal reverence - immediately, the concept of two evil Janes becomes not an anchor keeping two similar worlds together but a redundancy keeping them from meaningfully exploring their differences. put another way, something just isn't COOL anymore when you have to do it twice. hence, I can only assume, the decision to grant one Jane the grace of Redemption while the other only spirals further into villainy.

the two takes on the sequel have taken radically different approaches to solving this quandary; HS^2 dedicated itself to a strict schedule of alternating meat and candy stories, which gave us a lot of variety in the kind of stories told but also contributed significantly to its overall really unfortunate pacing issues. Beyond Canon meanwhile has shown open favouritism to one particular storyline, which has allowed us to really immerse in and engage with that particular world but has all but sentenced the other versions of the characters to languishing in irrelevance the rest of the time. that being said, the glimpses we've seen of the other timeline have been able to set up some really intriguing hooks for future story developments, so it might just be too early to make any real judgements about Jane's treatment in this new medium. "good" Jane was put in a really awkward position by having her arc delegated to an exclusive patreon spinoff with no real place in the main story, but Beyond Canon has communicated a clear intent for this arc to pay off, so i fear we janeheads may just have to cross our fingers and be patient for the time being...

[iovevrse]

broken clocks, p. bueckers pt. 3

broken clocks masterlist

pairings: paige bueckers x fem reader

synopsis: when you met paige, you thought the two of you would have one of those cheesy high school love stories that lasted for years. you were wrong.

cw: slight smut (theyre 18), hs p, angst, first personn

1 Year Earlier

After that night, Paige and I talked at the pizza place. It had been as if we’d immediately become a more significant part of each other’s lives. We did everything together, and from that point on, it had been rare for me to miss a Hopkins game day.

Today was no different from the usual routine we’d adapted. It was a Friday night, and Paige had a late practice, so I’d made my way to her house to wait in her room for her. Coming over despite Paige not being there herself had been Paige’s idea. She still wanted me to come over but didn't want me to have to drive so late at night. She said her dad wouldn’t mind, but that didn’t make him any less confused when I’d shown up on his doorstep for the first time, and he told me Paige was at practice. I informed him I knew that and that his daughter said I could come over and wait for her to get back. Nonetheless, the man let me in, still confused, but he didn’t doubt it was something his daughter would do.

I sat on her bed waiting, typing away on my computer in an attempt to add something to my English essay that was due Sunday night before Paige came back. Despite Paige claiming it would be time to “lock in” on schoolwork, I knew nothing would get done tonight. She, in fact, never locked in. She just put on music and took a nap.

Like usual, Paige barged into the room with her two backpacks slugged over her shoulders. She threw them on the floor and immediately crashed into the bed, wrapping her arm around her pillow. “Hey P,” I muttered, still typing my essay, “how was practice?” I ask. She mumbled a “good” response before turning around in the bed and pulling me down with her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and cuddled me, resting her head on my shoulder. She had always been the kind of friend that was touchy, but this was different than usual. I just figured practice had tired her out completely. Maybe they had to run laps or something. I closed my computer and set it on the floor before laying in her arms, not saying a word. We’d both fallen asleep like that and a few hours later, we’d woken up.

Paige yawned and checked her phone. The time read 2:30 AM, and I rested my head on the blonde’s chest. That’s when she looked at me. I looked back, and I felt this tight feeling in my chest. I’d always noticed it happen when it came to Paige’s gaze. She had this ability to make whoever she was with or talking to the main thing her eyes were set on. We’d stayed looking at each other for what felt like forever until she leaned in, kissing me softly.

That soft kiss had escalated, and as soon as I knew it, the tall blonde was on top of me, kissing me harder than before. Paige then made her way down my body, planting light kisses. Before she had made it between my legs, her blue eyes looked at me with that same gaze again, more intense and clouded than before. “Is this ok?” the blonde whispered, her voice as raspy as it always was after waking up from a nap.

I just nodded in response, and she continued to trail kisses on my thighs, inside and out, before sliding my shorts and baby pink undies off. She looked up at me again, same as before, begging for my approval again, and once she got it, her tongue started to slowly lick at my folds, her middle finger sliding in and accompanying her tongue’s movements. Before I knew it, I was covering my face with a pillow to stay quiet and not wake up Paige’s parents or brothers.

Current Day

Seeing Paige again had brought back every negative and positive emotion I’d ever felt or had about the girl. I thought I’d done so well to forget about her until it came to having to see her again. I cursed myself for not playing it normal and acting unbothered when I saw her. You prepare yourself mentally for so many situations, telling yourself that you’d do one thing or another just for the time to come and nothing will go as planned. As I stood there, quickly texting Alexa that we needed to go, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Once again, I whipped my head around to be met with a tall, blue-eyed blonde. The same one I gave my everything to.

Almost on reflex, I shrugged her off. “Look, I’m so sorry,” Paige started. I rolled my eyes in response and continued walking in some random direction. “Please, hear me out,” pleaded the blonde as she grabbed my arm, pulling me towards her. I almost fell for it again. Her gaze made me feel like I was the only thing on her mind. Like the most important person in her world. I force myself to look away and pull back from her. “I’m not tryna hear shit of what you got to say right now, Paige.” The blonde groaned softly before stepping closer, “Just listen to me, please.”

“Nah, not today,” I mutter, forcing myself to look into her eyes again. She looked hurt, and I couldn’t help but want to take back what I said. Maybe even forget everything she did to me because the Paige I knew before would never hurt me like that. I almost opened my mouth to speak again before a taller girl pulled me away.

I guessed Alexa had finally found me, and she wasted no time dragging me away from the blonde. I wondered if maybe she’d been there longer than I thought and heard Paige’s pleas. Either way, I thanked her for getting me out of that situation. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to run into the blonde again. I knew that wouldn’t be the case though.

[ominousvibez]

thoughts on bnha ending

i had no idea that the manga was over until it popped up on my fyp on tiktok and i got spoiled for it and i have a few thoughts

losing one for all

i don't particularly care about izuku losing OFA? i mean, don't get me wrong, it's a cool quirk, but i've always wanted to see what izuku could have done without a quirk!

i think having the powerless character be the MC in a shounen manga would have been a really cool thing to explore! like, he's not anything unique. he's completely ordinary (beside the green hair). how would he adapt, how would he rise to the challenges around him? what sort of tech would he need to invest in, build for himself, so he can keep up with his peers?

i think that would've been cooler than OFA. kinda cool to see that bakugou ended up helping to design a suit for izuku to be a hero without a quirk. i'm kinda surprised that it isn't something izuku immediately jumped into after he lost OFA, but we all need a break from our passions, i guess

2. losing contact with 1-A

as upsetting as it is that izuku ended up losing contact with class 1-a after graduation, it's understandable. all his friends are pro-heroes now, but he's back in the shadows because of his Quirkless status. they're busy with their own lives, and he's busy with his.

it's sad, but it's just a fact of life. i haven't kept up contact with any of my high school friends since i graduated. i'm sure i'll end up seeing them again, of course-- if my school ever does class reunions, maybe we'll meet again there!-- and friendships for me don't immediately dissolve when we stop talking. i still see my hs friends as my friends!

3. teacher izuku

VERY ICONIC I LOVE IT IZUKU BEING A TEACHER AT UA WHILE NOT QUITE HIS DREAM STILL GETS HIM CLOSE TO THE HERO SOCIETY HE LOVED AND ADMIRED SO MUCH AS A KID AND HE GETS TO BE AIZAWA'S CO-WORKER. hilarious.

it's even funnier that he doesn't look a day over 16/17 in the final chapter. like aizawa looks like this gruff old man and here's the baby-faced savior of the world who looks like he should be one of his students. hilarious.

overall, i do think that BNHA missed some cool points in storytelling that would have been interesting/fun to explore in a shounen manga, but it's not that Bad of an ending as compared to........ other....... things

also btw i stopped watching/reading after the arc with Eri so i have no idea what happens in-between that and the ending

[klance-headcanons-official]

hiii you’re headcannons are a such delight!! do you have any of hs au klance?

oh stars!! first off, thank you! I love that I can make you happy with my silly little ideas. Second, of course I have hs au headcanons!!

Keith and Lance sit next to each other in Biology, so they're bound to be lab partners. At first they really don't like each other. Lance thinks Keith is always trying to one up him, and Keith thinks Lance is insufferable.

By the time they're assigned probably their third project together, they decide that doing research separately is just too conflicting, so they agree to meet at The Park™️.

They start discussing stuff and writing down any relevant info they cover, but inevitably, they start getting off track. They start talking about clouds, which leads to the rain, rain leads to the ocean, the ocean leads to fish, then to what Lance had for dinner last night, favorite foods, favorite pass-times, family, and so on.

They each go home thinking that maybe, just maybe, the other isn't so bad.

Keith starts listening to Lance whenever he goes on rants, he engages, asks questions, and brings up new ideas.

Lance starts seeing Keith flaws, he starts seeing that they aren't too different, and that they're much closer to the same level than he'd thought.

In time, they both start to admire each other for different reasons.

Keith notices the way Lance talks about certain topics, how the glow in his eyes will shift when someone he does or doesn't like enters the classroom, the way he bites his lips when he's concentrated, or how he dulls when he gets texts from certain people, (cough cough, a boyfriend because conflict, cough cough).

Lance looks up to Keith, he admires how he can do pretty much anything he puts his mind to, how he never gets caught up in the local drama, how no matter what rumors are spread, he always walks with confidence and purpose.

One day, Lance comes into class looking distant and reclusive. Keith tries to ask him about it, but his only response is "We can talk about it later."

And so they go through Biology hardly speaking a word. Keith feels his stomach pooling with anxiety, wondering if it was something he did, though he knows he hasn't done anything wrong... has he?

Time goes by slowly. Minutes feel like hours. An hour feels like days. But eventually the bell finally rings, and the day is over.

Lance stands and gathers his things, and he's barely gotten his bag on his back before Keith grabs his wrist and drags him into an empty room.

"So, what is it? What's going on?" The sharpness in Keith's voice makes him come off a bit more irritated than he his, and naturally it's taken the wrong way.

Lance scoffs and crosses his arms, "What's got you so pissed off?"

Keith sighs, "I didn't mean to say it like that." And he asks again in a much gentler tone, "What's going on?"

"My uh... Well, I found my partner shoving his tongue down some other guys throat earlier this morning.... Again.... And then before Biology he had the audacity to tell me to stop talking to you, so I dumped him..."

"..."

"You aren't telling me everything. Something happened after that."

"Gods, I hate how well you know me..."

"So, what was it?"

"He... Uhm.. He told me that nobody could ever love me the way he did... He said he was the only one who could love me.. The only one that knew me and still cared... He said my friends talked about me, and even though I know they don't I still-"

At this point, tears are dripping from his eyes, his voice is cracking on every other word, and he's curling in on himself.

Keith pulls him into a hug, silently swearing on every breath that he'll make things better for him.

"If it makes a difference... I think you're pretty cool.."

"Yeah, thanks.."

Lance dries his tears and takes a step back, "We should probably go. My mom's gonna kill me if I miss the bus.. And plus if Rachel finds us in here, we'll never hear the end of it."

Keith nods and they leave the room.

Agghhh it was so hard not to turn this into a confession, i didn't want too because the last one was a confession and using the same idea that close together goes against my author brain.

also they're in choir together.

and they joined the volleyball club (shush i'm rewatching Haikyuu)

Keith is a setter, Lance is a Libero. You cannot change my mind.

during lunch they complain about teachers and gossip with each other

[gallifreyan85]

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it, but I absolutely adore your recent moodboards. They always fit agatha so well. something i noticed was the fact that a lot of them have pictures of things shaped like stars, and i love how it reflects the “superstar” nickname, but also because i think the stars are special to Agatha, because the world has changed in the last centuries, so much so that the only thing she can count on to stay the same as when she had Nicky, are the stars in the sky. She would’ve been deeply familiar with them, having slept outside a lot while traveling from village to village. You capture Agatha’s character in so many wonderful ways :3 the spring one and the mama agatha in Salem ones get me so deeply, because as you said- she’s so motherly and cares so deeply <3 like yes she’ll teach you how to make flower crowns in the garden but also she’s absolutely making sure you’re wearing a sweater- its  still a little cold out, don’t try to argue with her- and yes she will personally replace the missing button on your cardigan without you even asking. sorry for how late this is, i hope things haven’t been too busy for you :3 much love! -review anon

(ps. i cannot wait to read And From the Dark into the Light!!) 

:3

Awweee- thank you so much. I really love how deeply well you get into her character, like I feel like some people think about a char and they see their relationships, the main story, their plotlines, but I so love looking past all that and really putting yourself into their shoes, like yes she was in Salem where all that happened, but what was her day to day life like? With her mother and her first coven? Then with Nicky... and the stars--I feel like she spent so many nights telling him about them while they were outside.. all these little things- I have a headcanon that she knows how to sew, like she's not that traditional stay at home mom persona but she's been around long and she knows all the things that are useful, and will probably only show those who know her best. If she really loves you she'll show it through actions and doing things by hand- like fixing up your sweater like you said- or a childhood stuffed animal you kept that holds memories- or cooking without using magic- she shows her care with the effort of see I'm doing this for you, not my magic, just me.

So glad you like the moodboards- I actually have one that I'm posting today (made a few new ones recently) and as for free time we don't have any Easter holidays in college (i have no idea how other school have this, in hs we got like a week off i think) but we had Friday free and also this Monday, so it's like a mini prolonged weekend, and I'm hoping to get more Agatha stuff done.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the latest fic!!!

- much love back <3

[prof-ramses]

Horror Lingers in Hope

So, this is my first proper SM ficlet, and it's Roy angst because of course it is. I wrote this about a month ago, but refined it since and am posting to get extra hype going for the impending release of HS!

TW: Nothing explicit, but there is reference to past CSA, as should be expected from a Roy angst fic.

Roy was honestly surprised when his parents let him invite not only Susie, but Ross and Robert over. He was obviously glad, it just seemed a bit sudden. "Man, this place rocks, Roy!" Robert said as he looked around the lavish living room. "Heh, yeah, it does." was all Roy could muster, it was nice to not worry about anything for a bit, just enjoying a day with the people who mattered. "Now try coming here for dates all the time." Susie chirped, "With this fine specimen." She playfully tugged at Roy's cheek and got a little chuckle out of him. “So, being the great host I am,” Roy half-joked, “I wanted to ask; What do you guys want to do?” “Wait, you said you were writing a song, right? Can we hear it?” Again, Ross’s question took Roy a little off guard, it’s not that he didn’t like the attention, It was just something he wasn’t used to, at least not in this way. “Only, and I mean only, if  you promise not to make fun of how cheesy it is.” Which it was, a ballad he was working on for Susie, he’d never admit it, but it started as a birthday present he didn’t finish in time. Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, Susie butted in, “AND if you promise not to get jealous of his singing voice.” “Oh, yeah” Ross joined in, “I don’t think I’ve heard you sing, man.“ “Then you’re missing out. Trust me.” “Why are you saying that like I’M the talented one?” “Roy, you’ve heard me sing, you know which one of us has that kind of talent!” “I know, I know, you’re just a lot of fun to mess with.” And without missing a beat, Susie responded to her boyfriend the exact way he expected from her and loved her for, “Yep, we’re really in sync like that.”

That was when Roy's mother poked around the corner "Does anyone want anything? I've been meaning to try some new smoothie recipes." "Nope, but thanks for the offer, Mrs. L." Ross responded for the group, he really had a way of reading the room.

Just then there was a knock at the front door *knock--knock* Roy's hearing suddenly clouded as he heard his father in the next room say "Ah, on time for once." Suddenly everything seemed darker, everyone turned to him. Their mouths didn't seem to move, yet he could hear them, in unison "Go on Reynold, answer it." He suddenly found himself right in front of that door, the knock came again, faster *knock-knock* Roy felt something in his hand, nevermind the fact that it hadn't moved. The door opened and there he was. "Hey little man. Long time no see."

Suddenly Susie entered from Roy's peripheral vision approaching that monster, a calm, accepting smile on her face, yet her eyes full of tears, pleading through acceptance. "Thanks for this little number, Roy. Still not quite on par with those 2 treats you got me a few years back." "No-NO, NO! You're dead, you died that Halloween! You're gone! GONE!" Even with the door open, that knocking persisted *knockknock-knockknock "Thanks again, kiddo." He said as he wrapped his arm around Susie's. Her voice sounded so peaceful as she said; “Don’t worry, Roy. This is how it was always going to be.”. "You've done wonders for you're dear uncle." His voice rang out as the knocking turned into a near constant drone of beating against Roy’s mind. He tried to reach out, to pull Susie away, to do ANYTHING. But he couldn’t, he ran faster and faster, but with every step he felt like something was pulling him down.

Roy damn near fell out of his bed when he lurched forward as he awoke in a frigid sweat. The quiet of the night and the air around him feeling like a gentle hand on his shoulder telling him to leave that horror behind. Telling him to leave it behind in the exact way he couldn't leave it behind. Not alone. But he already told Ross and Robert everything, they'd already helped as much as they could. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he could tell dad, not yet. Mom, maybe, at least she wouldn't feel betrayed be her own blood. And Susie… how would he even start telling her? It didn’t matter, he had to tell them... Soon, sometime soon....

[awellboiledicicle]

Bg3 au where its just the gang playing dnd but its a modded game where all the companions are in the party... because for once everyone had free time at the same time [sans Minthara because she started a new job and just asked for her character sheet to be used as an npc].

Tav is a college student playing a high elf monk. Was talked out of naming their character "Punchy McFisto" by the skin of the dm's teeth.

Halsin is the manager at a hardware store and also Tav's dad. All he wanted to do was play a hot elf druid, because his friends from college used to run dnd and he never got to play a hot elf druid.

Jahira is the paint department supervisor at Halsin's store [aka she's the only one that can mix paint worth a damn] and is just playing her old college character because she found a binder with her old notes for the character and missed her. Updated her from scratch for 5e.

Minsc is the fiscal manager for the store and likewise tore his old storage unit apart for his character notes. Worked out how to just transplant his character into the story because he missed him. Only note was "do not judge me for the voice i will give him".

Lae'zel is a classmate of Tav's and took one look at githyanki and went "i'm going to make someone so indoctrinated. How integral are they going to be to the setting? A lot? Oh i need this woman to be so deeply hardline."

Astarion, another classmate, and deeply wanted to play vampire the masquerade. Adapted the character to 5e and honest to god has no idea what the scars he gave his character say. He just thought it'd be a nice hook.

Shadowheart is the youngest child of a v religious family and works as a receptionist at a dentists office. Friends with Tav from HS. "I want to be on a mission from God and it gets worse from there. What's the worst god in setting to be on a mission from while also appealing to my edgy phase. Shar? Sweet. Slap that darkness on me, baby."

Wyll works in the college library and joined because Tav and Dm invited him. His initial plan was just folk hero because it sounded fun and the warlock part and the bit with Karlach came up later.

Karlach also works in the library and is deeply excited to have been invited. Giggles after she makes her character swear because she does the voice and surprises herself.

Gale is the Dm's cousin that owns a local bookshop. Got away with his backstory through sheer power of puppy dog eyes and employing the irl Tara to stare at the Dm. Dm responded with the orb and he was delighted. Has to roll a d100 to determine how bad his arcane hunger is every time they go into a new area.

Dm hosts and is honestly a little overwhelmed juggling all the players because she honestly expected 4 at a time bc of how schedules lined up and now she's doing her best to not nuke the party from orbit by accident when scaling encounters. She does feel bad about the fetch quests later though, if only because she has to track their progress and every piece they have to go back for is another second off her lifespan.

Getting everyone in the discord for Secret Note Passing Channels was a chore if only because Halsin insisted he didn't understand until he found the bear emojis and promptly spammed the main chat with them for a bit. He apologized but Tav still died inside. Everyone calling Halsin hot in character is done to make Tav wilt.

[bladekindeyewear]

:33< Do you ever plan on reviewing the new HS:BC updates or analyzing them from a classpect perspective? I love to read your musings on the stuff!

I’ve been really looking forward to catching up on HS^2 and all the bonus material and sharing my thoughts (I missed HS^2 and was happy to see it back!), but I’m juggling (non-dangerous) medical issues and a job search and still don’t have the energy to make fresh posts about Homestuck yet.

What spare energy I have has been spent on self-care, ie goofing off— Dragon’s Dogma 2 has been great, the first big game I’ve had the energy to actually pour myself into in quite a long time (with the extra free time / reduced stress between jobs and my limited spoons), and when done with that soon I’ll probably find some other game to spend my free time on after that instead of the slightly more emotionally laborious act that would be keeping up with regular Homestuck updates and getting really invested in new speculation again. We’ll see in another month or three.

[apthepotat]

the time has come.

I’m watching SonicxShadow generations play through (my comfort YouTuber playing this so extra extra happy bout that)

no spoilers here dw

I will probably need to rewatch sonic generations to refresh memORY BUT LIKE

inhales (it’s just gonna be me rambling idk why I feel the need to say this or feel like talking to people but OH WELL feel free to skip if you’d like!)

I’ve always loved Sonic- literally one of the first things and fandoms I’ve been in

I was like- what,5-6 when I was introduced to sonic?he was and is my childhood hero,I’d watch my brother and aunts play sonic games- AND SHADOW TOO- whenever I’m able or when I was old enough - I’d play with my little brother on our gameboys aka these

and boy do I feel old :D (I miss it tho) and then we started playing shadow’s game over and over!!! He’s just!!! So freaking cool- we’d even roleplay and ‘voice’ shadow and charmy XD

I remember little me thought charmy was annoying AS FRICK 😭 but I love him

anyway then when I started school and I was always an introvert- and whenever I had a bad day (especially my first few days at elementary) and I’d just imagine Sonic Amy Tails and Knuckles (I’d say shadow too but little AP thought he wouldn’t even be friends with little ap XDD)

I’d just imagine them sitting with me when I’m alone at school or say goodnight etc etc- ✨ and that was fun XD

and seeing how this year sonic fans ARE GETTING FED SO FREAKING WELL -

like- MAN this year is sonic/shadow year,last year was FNAF - 😭 snrk

anyway I’m just so happy watching SxS playthrough and get hyper like a little kid,I can’t wait for the movie too EUGHHH

I wonder who i should watch it with.. '^' I can either watch with my bff irl (she isn’t that hyper bout sonic but she said she’ll watch it with me- bestie fr) or I can watch it with my little brother XD

I REALLY REALLY wanna see it in theatres auGHHH I’ll probably come back and ramble some more when I’m done watching the playthrough

it’s kinda cool to me how so many years ago I’d play sonic games on my Gameboy or the X-box with my relatives

then some years pass by I started watching Sonic X,play the sonic run game thingy on mobile- there’s also this sonic racing cars game I forgot it’s name bare with me :,] idk if it’s on iPad or Xbox/playstation but like I remember playing it too!!

then oop sonic boom came out- watched it a bit (not so enthusiastically I didn’t like it at first- not the character design or attitude or anything- I especially HATED how dumb they made my boy knuckles 😭 listen I was still pretty young HSHSHS)

but then I discovered some really funny sonic YT channels- my favorite one and I still watch now is SonicSong182 - they’re so silly and I love everything bout this channel XD I recommend (at some point they were also part of my childhood pf) and I just discovered it again last year!!! My inner child was STIMMIIIIING more so knowing that one of my close friends know this channel too :D!

and then the first and second sonic movies came out AND BOYYY THEYRE SO GOOOOOOOOD AUGHHH I need to rewatch them just to refresh memory AND to be more hyper for Sonic 3 :]

and now college me is gonna watch sonic 3 — like ngl im so happy to live through this and im so so happy Sonic never really died and I never really lost interest in it at all,no matter what,im just thankful Sonic made my childhood,made my teenage hood,making my adulthood,and still making my inner child so happy Yanno?

It’s the little things in life,and the more I’m growing and the more I’m maturing the more I learn to appreciate not just the big blessings but also the tiniest things too- and honestly? It helped me?? Somehow? No idea how to explain this but it helped me

So thank you Sonic :D and everyone that worked hard to bring so many of us such joy through these games and- yeah I don’t know what to say anymore XD and I don’t wanna get sappy

really wish I can draw this heathen/pos I just need to draw mobians more (I’ve been doodling my sonic Oc hshshshsh but not proper doodles)

This was longer than I intended to but I’m glad to talk about it somewhere! Idk if someone will even bat an eye to this but I needed to get it out XD

okay I think that’s all for now bye bye ^^

[paradoxical-catastrophe]

It’s probably just the Frontal Lobe developing combined with dissociation but… anything even 6 months ago just feels like… not me, though I can recognize it as me. But anything like… 2-3 years ago, I could easily be convinced that was not me.

Vent ig? More just complaining. TW mentions vague of sui. This is all just random jumping back and foward about shit on my mind

Even just comparing highschool to now…

I did so many clubs and extracurriculars in ms/hs, and wanted to do more. I did a military program, band, a team creativity program thing, martial arts… I even wanted to do stuff like chess club, math competitions, orchestra, etc.

I drew constantly, I did my homework, I attended everything, I generally felt productive.

And now like… the last time I drew was over a month ago. I had to drop most things due to lack of time and loss of motivation, I only do band now. And… I don’t practice my instrument. I constantly forget homework, I never study. I was a gifted kid, and I thought the burnout would plateau in college. But it’s only gotten worse. I haven’t made any friends here. I don’t know my roommates names or anything about them. I haven’t made a proper meal (aka actual cooking, not just box stuff) in weeks.

I want to indulge my hobbies more. And I know the biggest reason I couldn’t is because of Friend Issues™️, deteriorating mental health, and school. And like yeah I’m finally getting out of ‘need constant distraction or the Harmful Thoughts will come back, but now it’s just… I feel empty without it.

I miss the kid I was. She couldn’t have ever imagined life would be like what it is now…

She has no idea we’re trans, we’re disabled, we broke up with that one guy who actually turned out to have cheated on us, lost that one friend who meant everything to us, learned how actually disgusting this stupid state is to the point I’m scared and tempted to take down any visible pride things I have because of elections, not even the fact we’re a system.

But like we got cool ass dyed hair and piercings and tattoos that’s sick at least. I want more.

It’s hard to think about what my life would have been like if I hadn’t done this one thing. If I hadn’t spoken to this person, if I hadn’t watched this show, if I hadn’t gotten an account on this website…

Yet, I really don’t think there’s a universe where life is any better than this. There’s a lot of shit, but there’s some wonderful things too.

Yeah I was cheated on, injured my leg, traumatized, constantly sick as a kid, made absolutely terrible mistakes, but. Now I’m in an apartment studying something I love, I’m playing fantastic music and I’m a lovely musician, I’m making fashion choices that I like, I’m doing what I want with my body. I’ve even got a fantastic boyfriend and group of friends that I don’t feel like I have to pretend around. I never realized how much I was masking and pretending and hiding until I met these people.

Idk whether I’m happy or sad. Something something cancelled out I guess. Now that Friend Issues™️ is over after being stuck with them for over a year, things finally feel like they’re (somewhat) going up. Just gotta stay alive until then. And I think working on fixing my sleep schedule is helping. No more staying up till 5-6 am!! Need a Morgana to bitch at me to sleep smh

I should pick up a new hobby. I still kinda feel like I’m distracting myself with my interests instead of enjoying my hobbies. I’d like to do something artistic, but I don’t have the motivation to really draw.

Maybe I’ll have some motivation tomorrow between classes. I do wanna draw my new oc and give him a solid outfit instead of just ‘inspo’…

[uldren-sov]

AHEM. HEM! FAVOURITES, TATTOO, HERO, LYRICS, PLS AND THANK YOU (MS CAMY ROSE CALL ME)

omg!!!! tyty for the questions!!!! ms camy rose is free on thursday night....

Favourites: Which song of the band’s is your MC’s favourite? Which is the fan-favourite?

So I chose the title Wasted Desires as the fan fave. It's THE ONE LOVE SONG on the whole album The Gambit that talks about the love lost from her and Seven's actual breakup and the regret in how it ended. And OF COURSE the fans latch onto it, of COURSE it's their favorite, she kind of hates that its their favorite, she does not want Seven to be any more responsible for her success than he already was. She needs to prove to herself that she can do it alone and more than that she needs to prove it to him. So while he still colors a lot of inspiration in her songs, this is one of the few times she sang about him more directly and it's annoying that the fans love it. (Whether or not it's due to the fact that the lyrics are just better bc they're more authentic, or because they just love drama, WHO'S TO SAY but it could really go either way.) and im SO BAD WITH SONGS. But I think maybe the first song they did without Seven is her favorite, not because it was necessarily good, it wasn't, but after writing and rewriting and moments the effort of holding back the tears meant there was no energy left to sing with, but she did it anyways. She stuck it out and stuck her pieces back together for herself and for The Band - because they're relying on her they're the ones who need her and they threw the weight of their dreams onto her shoulders and her shoulders alone - and she knew at least that it only gets easier from then on. Or so she hopes :)

Tattoo: Did they keep the tattoo with Seven’s initials? Why/why not? What was that decision/execution process like? (Bonus: What do they think of Seven keeping their tattoo?)

She did! But she almost didn't!! Because it wasn't only The Vote, it was The Fight, where she and Seven said some unforgivable (at the time) things to each other, and then Seven ghosts her for like a month. So that means, to her, that he cuts all communication but he also doesn't come back home to her (probably staying with his mom again) and the next time she sees him he's halfway through packing his things away in boxes, with him being unwilling to work anything out they fought again (bc that's all they were good for at that point), and he says if only she could have come back when he was done - with nothing left but the spare key slipped under the door. So her knee-jerk reaction was to get rid of everything else, including the tattoo. She booked the appointment and everything before she realized she was being just as impulsive as he was. She told herself to think on it before she did anything (or anyone) as a rebound from all this hurt - she wouldn't sink to Seven's level and risk hurting herself more if only to have the chance to hurt him. So she cancelled the appointment, promising to revisit it on a later day. But then she didn't. Other tattoos help now that she can get them without holding his hand and by the time she considers it again, the significance of the tattoo is as much a headstone as it is a shrine to what their relationship was. And on her lowest nights she kisses it, to try and get any kind of spark of the love she had and has never known again. She misses him and is willing to forgive him some things... but not everything. She never expected Seven to keep his, not with how he acted, not with how hurt he was, not with how viciously he broke up with her. It's almost incomprehensible and is completely at odds with how she thought he would act. Despite her better judgment she's hopeful...

Hero: What is their favourite thing about G? Why is your MC such a big fan?

(Funnily enough I have Griffin, because Gina was an ex bestie I had in HS that did me REAL dirty so I still hate the name Gina lmaooo) Probably the nostalgia lmao. She was a HUGE fan of Misfit Alley and especially when she was that young she was like "if G can do it, I can do it." (Which was, I'm sure, the marketing point they were selling) So G really helped her steel herself when it came to how nervous and uncertain she was when she and Seven were in HS and thinking they were crazy for even considering starting a band. So she tried to see herself in G, manifest that kind of success, and fall back on that idolatry when she just didn't have the confidence in herself (which was often back then.) When no one else got/gets me I know G got/gets me. - Camila Rodriguez-Rose, age 16 The fact that she had a HUGE crush too didn't hurt lolol. NOW though it's so wild and interesting to think about G as a person and strangely enough on such a similar wavelength, the few times they were able to be alone with one another. G talking about how many different versions of himself are in other people's minds, talking about how he's the villain in people's stories, struck her to her core in a way that she has not been able to feel in a long time. The fact that such sentiment, that she can relate to, is coming from G fucking "Reign" is so wild to her that she almost can't believe it. But she certainly believes it when she keeps finding similarities between them and felt the way she did when they sang together...

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

SO IM SO BAD AT MUSIC but I want to thank @sotc for giving me songs that made them think of Camy lmao bc otherwise I wouldn't know what to put here lolol I should really get better at this for a music-based IF but here's the two: Uffie – Papercuts generally and Stupid Girl - Garbage

EDIT: I just thought about one of Camy's like "voice claim" bands and this actually really fits: Roots - In This Moment: You wanna know why I like the pain you say There's some sick part of me thankful for the hate I stay positive and I push forward ya see I gotta do the right thing for my family So I smile and say that the world is just fine As these fucking parasites eat up my spine So I ask you once and I ask you again Where do your roots start and where do your roots end

[searedtroutpeacharugula]

To quote the most wise and noble scholars of our age, "well, THAT just happened!"

I don't think any of us could have possibly expected this, but Homestuck^2, the (much-maligned) Homestuck sequel, is back.

And to top that off, it's looking good.

James Roach, who composed many of the tracks for Homestuck's more recent projects and was generally one of the few well-known people still openly associated with the IP in any official capacity, has formed the Homestuck Independent Creative Union, or HICU, with Andrew Hussie's blessing. Dedicated to finally completing the long-abandoned HS^2 project (now rebranded as simply Homestuck: Beyond Canon) as well as working on even more Homestuck projects in the future(!!!), HICU would appear to be the greatest hope that Homestuck has for the future.

Now, I'm going to preface this by saying two things. First: I have only been involved in the Homestuck fandom since the beginning of this year, and I only finished the original comic last month. I am by no means a long-time fandom member, nor do I have the same experiences with the fandom that many other people have had. Second: I have not read/played the Homestuck Epilogues, Homestuck^2, or any meaningful amount of Hiveswap Friendsim or Pesterquest. While I am familiar with a couple concepts from post-canon Homestuck, I am unfamiliar with any of the works in their entirety.

That being said, I still want to discuss my opinion on the sudden return of post-canon, and what I think the future of Homestuck may be. My time as a Homestuck may have so far been relatively brief, but the comic has made an incredible impact on my life. HS holds a special place in my heart, and even if I'm not the most well-educated fan I still want to put my opinion out there.

I am, to put it in simple terms, cautiously optimistic about the return of Homestuck^2. To my knowledge, HS^2 has so far been a complete and total trainwreck. Now, I'm not personally in a place to judge the work: after all, I haven't read the damn thing. But if what I've heard is true, then HS^2 seems almost irredeemably bad. There's a chance, however, that the HICU will be able to turn this around. By taking the writing in a new direction, proving to the fandom that they know what they're doing, and trying their best to fix this, they might just be able to make this work.

James Roach and the rest of the HICU seem genuinely very passionate about Homestuck. It's clear that they love this universe and only want the best for it; and I think that's the most important thing.

If there's one thing that has defined the Homestuck fandom for the past few years, it's been cynicism. You'd be hard-pressed to find a single fan who thought Homestuck had any sort of future ahead of it outside of Hiveswap; post-canon was practically dead, Andrew Hussie had long since moved on to greener, clown-filled pastures, and a large, faceless corporation with seemingly no interest in the IP had become the publisher. Suffice to say, it wasn't a good time to be a Homestuck fan.

But now, with the formation of the HICU, there's something the Homestuck fandom hasn't seen in a long, long time: hope. There is a chance, however slim, that Homestuck will be getting new, well-written, well-characterized content. Homestuck has a future, it has a chance at redemption!

I just hope that James Roach and the rest of the HICU don't fuck this up. Maybe, just maybe, if we're fucking lucky, Homestuck can leave this years-long slump.

Alright, I'm done rambling. I've got a lot of stuff to read: after all, I don't want to miss the return of Homestuck, no matter how it turns out!

[senorablack]

yall when i say it's a fuckin struggle every damn time.

CW depression, suicide, drug/alcohol abuse, poverty, sexualized violence, fallacy of the american dream, first generation college student bullshit

Going to go way back because I want to and this feeling/story deserves some context.

I was a pretty shitty student in high school. I was constantly in school suspension, high/drunk, I stole shit out of peoples lockers. So I ended up in a continuation school or alternative ed. I swear to god if it wasn't for that school i wouldn't have done half the shit i did today.

Like the classroom size was about 15-20 students to 1 teacher??? and like, there was actually school resources for each student? like books were okay to take home, because they had enough for everyone. unlike my prev regular hs where books were only kept at school because they didn't have enough copies to give to everyone. and at this cont ed my teachers actually gave a fuck and they were all generous and invested and extremely encouraging in all our varying identities and expressions. there was cool shit they called "quests" where i was introduced to shit like the opera and hiking. i was a science camp counselor 3 years in a row because i fell in love with it. and decided oh yeah, that's exactly what i wanted to do. something with the environment and people.

so like from then on my teachers were like super encouraging and supportive (like bro, two of them drove up 6 hours to see me walk for undergrad), and were like yo, here is college that we think you would like (the camp director actually was a prev graduate) and i was obsessed. i ended up going to this program that allowed me to take college classes at my local cc while i was still in high school. dude, i ended up graduating early and with a few college units already under my belt.

my whole goal for the next two years was to get transferred to my school. and home girl did it. never thought i would have gotten that far. my parents didn't. i was the first person in my immediate family to go to college. and that meant something huge for me. anyway, somewhere along the lower division work i got more excited about anthropology. and transferred out and declared anthropology major with a minor in environmental planning. the first two semesters were rough. i was like barely holding on with c's. i made the realization in that first year that i was overwhelmed with school. like already burned out and got caught up in the university social life. of course i did what a lot of us do-- binge drink and missed morning classes and smoked a shit ton of weed (my college was pretty notorious for this).

i was just always sad from missing my family, hometown and in culture shock. because here i was, a brown person, in a white ass town. where the only places i could find ingredients to make my peoples food were on four shelfs in a designated ethnic aisle in my corner market or a couple of cites away at the specialty store. like you don't know the amount of micro-agressions i'd experienced during my time there.

and then of course i was sad because i was messing up school. and i got on academic probation. the next year i brought up my grades. one semester i started attending group therapy of survivors of sexual abuse and got involved with some campus events/programs that advocated for survivors and the ending of rape culture. this brought up a lot for me. and i fell into a deep depression. started prozac and i swear that was the reason that i almost committed (plus my nightmares and terrors have always been bad but they were never as bad as during that period). all this resulted in getting expelled.

i ended up finding really good friends there, one of which paid for my rent for 4 months before i got my shit together. i took a job at mcdonalds a city away, that i had to take a bus which ran at unreliable hours. and i made it work. took me half of the year to talk to a counselor at my school to see what i could do to get back to school. so i spent a semester at the local cc to earn qualifying gpa to get reinstated at my university. and was. from then on it was still hard as shit, but i was doing it.

but then i was realizing that the friends i made there were leaving/graduating (who were truly my anchors one of which passed away in 2022), my uncle, grandpa (my abuser), and aunt died withinn a few years of each other, and my job was stressful. school was A LOT. but the semester before i walked the stage i was on the fucking honor roll. like?????? and i had 2 core classes and 1 elective that i needed to finish my degree. so my family came up, my teachers came up. and my best friends came up. and like i walked and it was a good day. and then all i had to do was finish up the fall semester 2 core, 1 elective. but money was tight and my depression had me drinking and smoking more often. and i dont know, i fucked it up. failed that entire fucking semester.

and when i was out of money (because i quit mcdonalds to focus on school and was cruising on student loans), i had no choice but to go back home. i couldn't afford to go back to that cc and redo the whole reinstatement thing again. and i was tired. of school and my own bullshit and being fucking sad. so in 2015 i was back home.

honestly the lowest period in my life. never felt more like a piece of shit. and i felt a lot of shame for a long time. and i still feel it sometimes. when i go job hunting. because i have to put down things like "some college" "highest education: general education" "120 units"

took me a year to find a job. worked as a sbutt barista for 4 years before i said ima go into healthcare because i needed something different and stable. so i went to a vocational school for another thousands of dollars and earned a certificate to be a pharm tech.

though im very content with what im doing now. and proud of how far i've come. far and vastly different from what it might have been if i stayed in that regular high school, stayed in my hometown, did something like customer service or warehouse work like the rest of my family... i still feel that shame. i still have nightmares about missing assignments and being told that i cant come back and being late for classes.

and when i was applying for the job i just got, i had to put another unexplained and confusing answer to education history. and their HR just reached out to me today saying the couldn't confirm my background check for that school or even my community college. so i had to get transcripts from both. and i looked them over. and it made me feel terrible. terrible that i was so close but fucked it up.

made me feel like ....not smart enough or good enough. made me feel like a south side statistic (which is a loaded statement because of my internalized prejudice/hatred).

but theses are feelings and ideas and trappings i've lived in cycle for about 5-6 years now and i intend to let myself out of that cycle. i've reduced my drinking, rid my self of relationships that weren't healthy for me, up to date on my physical health, seeing a therapist, in group therapy, and taking medication for depression and anxiety.

so ima have a little cry. tell myself what i always do--

that was something that happened. it was sad that that happened. but i cannot change that it happened. i can only choose to continue to cultivate ways that will enrich my life. i am doing my best. i will continue to do my best.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

A pop up marriage license bureau is opening up in the Vegas airport because it’ll be 123123, alright who’s going to write me this kaishi fic cause it’s gotta be done now

Update: I’m all caught up on Bob’s Burgers, and now I have no idea what I should watch that I can play in the background without necessarily paying attention at all times. I am finally finishing Schitt’s Creek and I’m crying cause Patrick and David are so freaking cute. But I’m still sad about Alexis and Ted, I’ve loved them since the start. I never liked what’s his face, Mutt? I don’t even remember his name any more. And Twyla being the best friend ever. Omm and Stevie, I just love all the brotps okay. I’m gonna watch the last episode now and probably cry some more. Okay now I want a CoAi wedding. My whole heart, someone write me this fic

Update 2: catching up with spy family and I finally finished season one. I do adore this anime. Becky and Anya are the best brotp and I love them so much! Like yes I love the found family aspect too, but I really have a thing about girlies sticking together and being bffs, it’s why I say death to the love triangle trope

Update 3: I’m slowly starting the pov series, but all I want to do is read fics. I don’t want to write *sigh. I haven’t gotten very far, but I woke up very early for me and took a nap on the couch cause I couldn’t be bothered to go upstairs to my room and my brain was being very loud. It’s why I’m a midnights girly even though it’s daytime. Anyways I was thinking of something I missed out on and I thought I was over it but evidently I wasn’t cause I was getting sad. So what better way to fix it then to write fic about it and give the happily every after to my ship. But for the record, missing out on HS things is a part of the journey and it’s okay. The one who got away mentality is too harmful me thinks, but as someone who loves romance and the idea of it I get it. *sigh I sometimes still think about writing a fic just hella projecting, it’s me I’m the problem it’s me. It’s why I gave up on pursuing romance, I can’t handle it and I’m so afraid of losing myself because I know I’m the type to do it. But anyways, magic portal into the past to change one moment fic cause I’ve never written one of those before