#i thought i was at the lowest point in my life when i was 21.... hoo boy was i wrong 🤡👍

[lae-zels]

2,5 weeks ago my bank account got hacked and completely emptied. while i was in denial the first week and ignoring the situation as to not stress myself out even more (i'm currently, for the next 2 months at least, preparing for a work exam [that i have to study for] with shitton paperwork that is required, pages that need to be written [it's like a bachelor's degree but you write about your achievements and contributions to school as a teacher], also looking for a new job!!!!, at the same time moving in and out and there's another bureaucratic headache connected to setting up internet, gas, electricity and going back and forth between cities to get it done jfc), but the past week i'm starting to get heartaches and i want to throw up anytime i think about all my life's savings being gone 💀��

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 21

Word Count: 3.6K

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N:  well, after many, many months Collision is back with a chapter full of angst. Just like Speak, we are nearing the point where the Cullens come back and it will really be a battle of angst between these two stories. It's crazy how much distress I can fit into a romance story... it honestly feels more that Stephanie Meyer wrote in the actual books. 🤭🤭

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Ever since that dream, she couldn’t shake the dark cloud that was Carlisle Cullen. Wherever she went, she was reminded of him. From her job at the hospital to her studies at the university, from the books in her room to the stethoscope she wore, everything had a thread of him sewn into it. Once upon a time, she had thought she’d leave Forks in the arms of the love of her life, but she had started considering leaving because of them.

The reservation had always been home and had always welcomed her with open and warm arms. A few months before, (Y/N) would not have found it too hard to leave it all behind. She had already done it once and truly believed she could do it again. But it had been the only place that had embraced her when she had been at her lowest. Even if she had been ready to walk away from them, they had wrapped her in love and understanding. They had seen her at her lowest point and had helped her get back up.

Still, (Y/N) couldn’t shake the conversation she’d had with Bella. As time passed, she questioned more and more if she’d give Carlisle another chance if he did come back. The harrowing emptiness she felt inside was more than just losing a boyfriend. It felt like true loss. The only thing she could compare it to was the time her father had left –an event the man she had loved used as ammunition against her. But how could she deny the truth behind the statement? If Carlisle had asked her to move with them, she would have left everyone behind without another thought.

But he hadn’t. And she stayed. And life went on.

Things in La Push had shifted since the new year had started. For the better part of the first two months of the year, vampires had seemed to come back to feast on unsuspecting hikers in the colliding woods. They knew it wasn’t the Cullens, but they were a threat, nonetheless. Patrol times had doubled, tensions were high, and (Y/N) knew nothing about it.

So, when Bella had called her to see if she could join her on a hike in the woods, the older girl had no qualms in saying yes. She had the time, and it made avoiding Paul easier. Her head needed clearing, and there was nothing better than the fresh outdoors. Especially since the day seemed to finally clear up.

“Thanks for doing this with me,” Bella smiled softly as she jumped out of her truck. “I would have done it by myself, but I’m not good by myself in the woods.”

“It’s no problem,” (Y/N) responded. “I honestly needed this. Can’t spend my entire life buried in books.”

“Guess not,” the girl chuckled. “I would have called Jacob –we’ve been spending time together. But Billy said he was driving up to Port Angeles. Do you, um, know anything about that?”

“Can’t say that I do. But that doesn’t really seem unusual.”

“It’s just that he’s been avoiding me for a really long time, and I don’t really get why,” Bella said as she kickstarted their hike. She was slow with the map and the compass, slower than (Y/N) would have been. But the more time she could spend outside of the house, the better. “I mean, Billy said that he was sick, but it’s been over a week of that. And now, he’s apparently feeling better, and he still won’t talk to me.”

“I can’t help you there, Bella,” (Y/N) said, suppressing a grimace. She knew what it was that the boy was hiding from her, and she knew just how awful it felt to be on the other side of the secret. “But I’m sure things will get better soon. He’s probably just lost track of time.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Maybe.”

“Here. Why don’t I work the compass?” (Y/N) offered. “Do you have a specific spot you want to go to?”

“Oh, uh, yes,” she stammered in Bella fashion, handing over the map and pointing where she wanted to go. “It’s a meadow. Somewhere around this area.”

“Any particular reason we’re going there?”

“I don’t… it’s um…”

“Does it have anything to do with Edward?” (Y/N) softly inquired. They walked at an easy pace, stepping over rocks and fallen branches. “Is it somewhere he used to take you?”

“Yeah,” Bella admitted. “It’s a beautiful clearing. We’re not too far from there. It’s honestly stunning; covered in flowers of all colors. I couldn’t believe such a place existed until he took me there.”

“Mm, I guess finding secret places is a thing amongst the Cullen clan.”

“Did Carlisle take you somewhere like that?”

“Yeah, somewhere similar,” (Y/N) responded. “It’s actually a few miles up this river.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, the first time he took me was by the end of August, and thankfully everything was still in bloom,” she said, smiling sadly at the memory. “There’s this beautiful wooden bridge that stands right on the boundary of Forks and the rez. Vines of flowers wrapped around the handrails, and water rushed loudly under it. The trees covered the place enough that it kept it cool but left enough light peek through to make it just bright enough. We’d meet there so many times. Mostly to talk, but there were times we just went there to hold each other and pretend we weren’t that different.”

“Have you, um… have you gone back there?” Bella asked as she slipped into a rock, holding onto (Y/N) for balance. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she chuckled. “And no. I haven’t gone back since he broke my heart and left. I’m afraid of how I will react if I do.”

Bella seemed to sit with the words before talking, a question furrowing her eyebrows long before she voiced it. After keeping quiet for a second, the girl whispered, “Can I ask you something without you thinking I’m crazy?”

“We know vampires are real,” she smiled. “There’s not much you can say that will sound crazy.”

“I see him sometimes,” Bella breathed. “In moments when I’m in danger, he appears and talks to me. And, uh, I’ve been doing some pretty reckless things in order to see him.”

“The mind is very powerful, Bella,” (Y/N) sighed. “In times of heartache, it can show us what we want in order to appease us. It’s not crazy, but I do hope you don’t do something crazy searching for him.”

“I won’t,” she chuckled dryly. “At least, I hope I don’t.”

“Then, can I ask you to promise me something?”

“Sure.”

“If you ever do feel like you’re about to do something crazy, call me.”

“I will,” the girl smiled. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

“Of course,” (Y/N) winked. “Us Cullen discards need to stick together.”

“The Cullen Discard Club,” she snickered. “I like that.”

They walked for a few more minutes before Bella recognized the path they were on, taking the lead on the hike as they neared the clearing. Her steps were lively, pulling faster than (Y/N). The Uley girl could see the excitement growing in her, a thrilling enthusiasm building the closer they got. Giddy and nervous was how she would have described Bella at that moment.

But they could not have known what they were walking into when they reached their end goal. “It’s not the same,” Bella said, disappointment dripping from her voice. “It doesn’t look the same.”

“Well, the ground is still thawing from winter, Bells. It’s gonna take time for new flowers to bloom,” (Y/N) cooed. “It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a beautiful spot. I’m sure that come springtime, it’ll be like you remembered it.”

But she didn’t hear (Y/N).

Bella was stuck inside her head, searching for something more than just flowers and grass. No. She was searching for the image of Edward. She searched for the feelings that bloomed in her chest when he was there. She looked for him in the dried grass, in the rocks and the fallen branches, and looked for him in the hard, cold dirt. But there was no danger. And no danger meant no Edward. No Edward meant the dark pit in her heart still remained empty.

Suddenly, as Bella scrambled to her feet, trying to find a way to escape the surplus of emotions, a figure caught both girls’ attention.

At the farthest corner of the clearing, a man stood motionless. As frozen as only a statue –or a vampire—could be. A flash of recognition washed over Bella’s eyes as she stared at him, excitement filling her once more.

“Laurent!” she exclaimed.

“Bella?” the man inquired, a cat-like curiosity sparkling in his eyes. “And company… I don’t believe I’ve seen you before.”

“I’m not exactly from this side of the tracks,” (Y/N) responded, tugging softly at Bella’s arm to get behind her. If the girl had been looking for danger, she had found it. “You’re not allowed into my side of town.”

“Ah, the Cullen treaty,” he said. “And I didn’t know they had another human pet. I thought you were the only one, Bella. They kept you very well hidden… I don’t believe I got your name.”

“That’s because I didn’t give it,” she said, forcing a smile. “And I would very much like to keep it to myself since I don’t plan on seeing you after this.”

“Hm, I respect that,” Laurent chuckled before turning his attention toward Bella. “I didn’t think I would see you here, Bella.”

“Well, maybe I should be saying that,” she muttered. “I do live here. And last I heard, you had gone to Alaska.”

“I did go to Alaska for some time,” he agreed. “But, it’s weird, when I found their house empty, I thought they had moved on.”

Bella’s breath seemed to hitch in her throat as she attempted to find an answer. She fished and fished but, “Oh,” was the first thing that seemed to leave her throat. (Y/N) tried to reassure her by giving the girl’s arm, but it seemed her attention was entrapped by the man before her. But finally, she managed to croak out, “They, uh, did move on.”

“And they left you both behind?” he murmured, almost like he was speaking to himself. “Hmm, interesting.”

“Do they visit often?” Laurent kept fishing, taking a tentative step forward as the girls took a step back.

Bella still seemed stuck in her head, looking off to the side of Laurent, rather than straight at him. (Y/N) was sure that the image of Edward had appeared in front of her, that somehow he was speaking to her, and all she could do was listen to him. Because to her, there would only ever be him. “Now and then,” she lied, her voice trembling slightly and rising in pitch. “Time seems longer when they’re away, but I’m sure it just feels longer for me. They can get distracted sometimes and…”

(Y/N) squeezed her arm as the girl started to babble, hoping she’d get the hint. The girl’s lying was as bad as her balance, and it was sure to get them in trouble.

“That’s odd,” he continued. “The house smelled like they’ve been gone for some time.”

“Well, they don’t really stay there anymore when they come by,” (Y/N) interjected. “We make an effort to stay other places when they visit, but they’re keeping the house for any longer stays. We’ll be sure to mention you came by the next time they’re here. But we really…”

“Probably shouldn’t mention it to… Edward,” Bella managed to add as she interrupted (Y/N)’s lie, forcing them to stay there longer and interact with the fidgety vampire. “He has such a temper… not that I have to remind you. He’s still so touchy about the whole James thing.”

“Is he?”

“Yup,” Bella affirmed, still not getting (Y/N)’s hints. The more the girl sent signals to the other, the more the Swan girl ignored. “So, how have things been in Denali? Carlisle mentioned you were staying with Tanya?”

“I like Tanya,” he grinned. “And her sister, Irina… but it’s odd staying in one place for too long, although I enjoy the novelty. The diet..? Not as much.” The smile he wore grew even bigger and more sinister. “There are times I cheat.”

“Jasper has problems with that, too,” Bella blurted.

“Is that why they left?”

“He’s actually quite careful at home,” (Y/N) interjected once more. “Hiding in plain sight just got a little hard for them. That’s why they don’t stay at the house when they visit. Too many questions.”

“Ah,” he mused. “Quite the predicament to live amongst humans.”

The glint in his eyes made (Y/N)’s mouth grow dry. She had seen that hunger painted across amber eyes months before, the night that had changed everything for both of them. It had appeared the second Bella had confirmed that the Cullens had left. They had no protection from the clan. It was open season for the two Cullen pets.

Somehow, Bella didn’t know when the moment was to keep quiet. She continued to offer information that only worked to cement the fact that the vampire clan had left them alone and had not bothered to come back. It was almost as though her self-preservation gene had died.

“Did Victoria ever find you?” Bella asked in an effort to distract him. Not that it would deter the predator from his prey.

“Yes,” he said, slightly halting in his steps. “I actually came here as a favor to her. She won’t be happy about this.”

“About what?”

“Killing you,” he grinned.

“Me?” Bella worried.

“Well, both of you. You,” he answered, pointing at (Y/N). “You were a welcome surprise. Victoria wanted to save that part for herself. Not killing our new friend here, but you, Bella. A mate for a mate—sort of poetic, no? She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, but I never thought it’d be this easy to get to you. Much less that you’d bring another one of their pets. Let me guess, you belong to Carlisle.”

(Y/N)’s reaction to his name gave the man answer enough. She flinched at the word, halting in the steps she was taking back. There was nowhere to hide, and Laurent knew it. “I supposed Victoria will be angry, all the same,” he sighed. “But I just can’t help myself. I’m so thirsty, and I can’t decide which one of you smells better.”

“They’ll know it was you,” (Y/N) said, standing her ground as she stepped protectively in front of Bella. “You won’t get away with this.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Laurent snickered. “The rain will wash away all scents. No one will find your bodies—you’ll simply go missing. Another pair of hikers in the wrong place at the wrong time. There will be no reason for Edward or Carlisle to think it was me. Especially not in regards to you, unnamed friend.”

“Please,” Bella begged. “Don’t do this.”

His expression softened at the girl, a kind smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’ll be quick,” he said. “You won’t feel a thing. I can promise you that. What she had in store for you… it was monstrous.”

The Uley girl couldn’t believe that was how she’d end her life. At the end of the day, she would still leave her family, with no reason or explanation. Only this time, she’d have no chance to come back. She would become collateral damage in the whirlwind that was Bella Swan, and she had stepped right in the middle willingly.

A gust of wind made the hairs on her arms stand on edge, paired with the chilling stare Laurent gave them as he inhaled their scents. “Mouthwatering.”

As he walked slowly toward them, enjoying intimidating his prey, (Y/N) turned slightly toward Bella and whispered, “He’ll attack me first, and when he does, I want you to run, Bella. No questions, no thinking. Just run towards the rez.”

“I can’t…”

“This is not up for discussion,” she said through gritted teeth. “It’ll take some time for him to drain all my blood, so you better run the fastest you ever have. Take off your backpack and run.”

The vampire’s pace increased as he bared his fangs to the girls, his stare trained on (Y/N)’s form. As Bella slowly slipped off her backpack, (Y/N) braced herself for impact. Tears burned their way down her cheeks as she mumbled a prayer to whoever was listening. She begged her mother found solace, and her brother found peace after her passing. And that somehow, the Cullens got revenge for her death. If it was her time to go, then at least she hoped it was for something.

Laurent was so close, she could feel the air from his movement, so she closed her eyes and waited. But the impact never came. As her eyelids fluttered open, she saw him paralyzed in fear, his eyes staring far into the woods. “I don’t believe it,” he said almost to himself. “It can’t be.”

He retreated from the edge of the trees as a growl echoed through the meadow, and (Y/N) finally felt like she could breathe. Sam’s wolf jumped out of the darkness, followed quickly by Jared and Paul, then Jacob and Embry, all standing just slightly to the side and behind Sam. For a split second, Paul’s wolf looked toward her, sending her a look of concern which she responded with a thankful smile.

Behind her, Bella trembled in fear, petrified in the position she was. But (Y/N) knew the last thing she needed was to see how the pack shredded Laurent to shreds. They needed to move, and they needed to move now.

“Bella, we have to go,” the girl said, placing a hand on either side of her arms. “We can’t stay here.”

“N-no… we… we can’t,” she stammered. “They’ll go after us.”

“They’re too preoccupied with Laurent. Believe me, Bella,” (Y/N) insisted, trying to break through the girl’s mental block. “We have to go. Now.”

(Y/N) took hold of Bella’s arm and dragged her to the same path they had come from as the wolves disappeared behind a retreating Laurent. The girls ran as fast as their legs could take them, weaving through the woods like they had done it a million times before. But where Bella was only begging neither Laurent nor the wolves caught up to them, (Y/N) couldn’t help but pray that the pack came back unscathed. She worried they would come back home harmed, all because the girls had been reckless.

Her lungs ached, and her legs yelled, but all she could worry about was getting back to the head of the trail they had taken. After a few minutes of running, which felt like a lifetime, they finally reached the rusty red truck that belonged to the Swan girl. They crashed onto its side, bracing their bodies as they caught their breath. Hearts were hammering, and sweat shimmered on their foreheads, but they were safe. Finally safe.

“What was that?” Bella trembled. “What the hell was that?”

“Wolves, Bella. They were just wolves.”

“But they… they only went after Laurent. One of them was so close to me I could almost touch it!”

“Let’s just be grateful they didn’t see us as a threat and went after him instead,” (Y/N) offered, giving away as little as she could. “Now, go home. Take a shower, get some rest. We’re lucky we’re alive right now.”

“You would have really sacrificed yourself for me, wouldn’t you have?” Bella asked, finally dropping the wolves. “You didn’t have to, but you were ready to protect me.”

“Yeah, I would have.”

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but why? He wanted me the most. You could have saved yourself.”

“It’s not in my nature to do that,” (Y/N) shrugged. “It was sort of an instinct to protect you. I guess, I never want to see the people I care about be harmed, much less in front of me. I knew there was a chance you could survive, and I was ready to take it.”

“Thank you, (Y/N),” the girl sniffled as she took (Y/N) in a crushing hug. “You have no idea how much that means to me. “You have no idea what that means to me.”

“Just know I’m always in your corner, Bells,” she smiled. “Whenever you need me, I’m here. We're the Cullen Discard Club. We look out for each other”

“Right. The Cullen Discard Club,” Bella chuckled softly. “I guess I better head home then. Thanks again for everything, (Y/N).”

“Don't mention it,” she replied. “Get home safe, Bells.”

“You too, (Y/N).”

The Uley girl waited until the truck disappeared down the road before running toward the Young cabin. Knowing the pack would still be taking care of things in the woods, she called out to Emily once she reached the house. Her knocks were frantic against the door, nerves overtaking her senses.

“(Y/N)?” Emily questioned as she opened the door. “What’s wrong?”

“I… uh… a vampire and Sam… and…” (Y/N) couldn’t get words out as adrenaline and worry spiked even more in her system. “They could get hurt.”

“Oh, honey, come here,” the woman said as she took the girl in her arms. “They’re gonna be okay. They’ll be home before you know it.”

“But…”

“Nope, no bad thoughts,” Emily replied softly. “Why don’t you wait for them here and I’ll fix you up something to eat in the meantime? Looks like you’ve had a bit of a rough day.”

“Alright,” (Y/N) agreed as she forced a smile. “I just hope they’re okay.”

“They will be,” she smiled, hugging (Y/N) once more. “You’ll see.”

Next ->

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[mrs-snape5984]

“Oh, but what will it take ‘till you believe in me the way that I believe in you?”

“I said I love you, that's forever. And this I promise from the heart, I couldn't love you any better. I love you just the way you are…” (“Just the way you are” by Billy Joel)

I will turn 40 years old in two months. 40 goddamn years on this planet…and only now - at my lowest point in my existence - I realised something. All my life, I’ve been hidden behind a mask. A mask, made of all my responsibilities and supposed duties, which I’ve put on from a far too young age. A mask, which helped me to hide all my ugly vulnerabilities and my true self from other people. A mask, which I thought would keep me going and going for lengths…hiding myself behind an “I’m fine” or a “No, it’s okay!”. A mask, which also came with the capability of erecting thick walls around my heart and soul…building a fort around the real Julia.

21 years ago, when I’ve found the perfect coping mechanism for myself in the love to Severus Snape, I started to allow myself being vulnerable in my little stories about Severus and my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules. Only Severus was permitted to know, what’s really going on behind this mask. He became the safe space for my deepest thoughts and emotions…the only place, where I’ve granted myself the right to express my own wishes.

And suddenly, after almost 40 years of existing in this world, I recognised, that there’s a drawbridge to my fort…and that there’s someone, who’s brave enough to knock on my door. Someone, who isn’t afraid of looking at the personality behind my mask. Throwing all my unpleasant traits at them, the defensive guards of my fort tried to scare them off in an almost desperate attempt…pushing them away to protect my raw core from being seen.

But my guards got propitiated by this someone. One after the other, they laid down their weapons and lowered the drawbridge ever so slightly…centimetres for centimetres…until someone slipped into my fort…getting a glimpse of the real Julia behind the mask. They made themselves comfortable within the black walls of my fort and switched a light on. This little light is shining through the eyes of my mask now…and it didn’t stay unnoticed.

All of a sudden, some people started to notice a change in my mood, my behaviour and my attitude. Even my children are wondering about the unfamiliar lighthearted happiness of their mother…despite the confines of my disease ME/CFS. Someone lit a fire in the darkest corners of my heart…and for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to acknowledge my own wishes and hopes. Maybe, I don’t have to hide myself behind walls and a mask the whole time? Maybe, there’s even some beauty in the rawness of my soul? Maybe, I’ll be bold enough to act on my own dreams and desires for once? Maybe, this time, I’ll be brave enough to stand up for myself…and let myself heal. Maybe, for once, the mask will be discarded for someone.

As always, when I’m thinking of these complex urges to express myself through Severus and Jules, I commissioned my dear friend @madfantasy to help me by creating the perfect artwork for my ideas. Mani, you beautiful gem of a human being, you’ve outdone yourself with these masterpieces! When I explained my imagination of Jules, showing herself to others (here presented as an audience behind the green flames of the fireplace) only behind the alleged safety of her well worn mask, I wouldn’t have thought, that your realisation of this idea would even be possible like that. But again, it seems as if you’re capable of understanding the pictures on my mind. Thank you for your willingness to hold the paint brush…helping me to pour my emotions out into art. Feel hugged, my precious friend.

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[youremyheaven]

Princess here. Hey babe how are you?

I feel like you're the only anon left here 🤭🤣

I currently have a slight cold and feel a bit out of it but I'm going to use this opportunity to do a bit of an inventory for 2024 as it is the end of the year. If anyone's interested, you can do the same and drop me askszz

Things I did in 2024:

1. Moved away from the place I lived in for 8 years 😭

2. Grew my hair down to my ass and then cut it chest length??? (My first haircut in like 3 years??)

Not all growth is meant to stay. Sometimes we grow in ways that help us protect ourselves during difficult circumstances but you can't live wearing your armour 24/7, so it's important to shed the layers we've accumulated every once in a while (me philosophising the heck out of my hairdresser telling me my hair is damaged and needs to lose length lmao 😭😂)

3. I cut off friendships I'd maintained for 8 ish years. Just because something has lasted a long time doesn't mean it has to stay. Especially if things aren't working out.

Don't tolerate disrespect and don't hold on just for the sake of it.

4. I went to therapy for 3-4 months and then I quit therapy

I needed it at that time but I'm also glad I quit when I did because I felt myself microanalysing everything through therapy speak and it wasn't healthy lol

5. I went back to my ex after 6 years and then it gave me the reality check I needed and I promptly left him

6. I dated someone who treated me like a princess but still somehow didn't respect me or value me lmao (yes, they exist)

7. A friend I had for a long ish time behaved inappropriately with me when he was drunk and despite having a gf, told me he thinks I'm hot etc etc this cemented my belief that men and women could perhaps never actually be friends

8. I started abusing substances after being sexually abused.

I never thought I'd have a substance addiction era bc that's sooo not me like no one would ever think I was a chainsmoker but that was the lowest point of my life this year. I didn't brush, shower, eat or even get out of bed for weeks. I stayed high and drunk bc I felt so unsafe in my body and was dissociating severely. I'm so glad to have recovered from it and move past it and to have had someone in my life who held my hand through that journey bc it was messy asf and I have sooo much compassion for people who stay stuck in that loop for years and lose so much of their time, like I completely get how easy it is to lose yourself entirely

9. Adult relationships are so different??

I wish I had been in a relationship in my early 20s or when I was in college so that I could get a little bit of a crash course on this stuff and not feel so overwhelmed by expectations bc im already 24 and things start getting serious at this age 😭😭

But I'm also glad I stayed single throughout college bc it really helped me solidify my own identity and understand who I am, what I want and what I expect. I think 18-22 are very personality cementing years and I'm kinda glad that my personality wasn't shaped by a romantic relationship even if I was madly in love with someone all those years (unrequited, one sided stuff). The act of being in love with someone unconditionally like that has perhaps altered me in ways I can't even express but I'm glad there's no trauma or drama to recall from that experience

10. What someone tells you when they're angry is exactly what they've been thinking of all this while.

11. I make my own money??? And pay my own bills??? And I have a job that I like??

12. You don't know a person until you live with them. Don't ever marry anyone you haven't lived with 🫡🫡

13. Sex is nothing special without love

14. Had really good sex and really bad sex

15. Met new people, made new friends

16. I modelled??? I've done a couple of photoshoots now??

17. Had ₹80 left in my bank account and still somehow survived

18. I learnt to cook and I loveeee to cook now

19. I got a tattoo!!!

20. I got many more piercings

21. I resolved a 1.5 year long "crush" twin flame esque situation I had with a guy

22. I travelled 💛

23. Built a new identity for myself 🫡

24. Restarted my creative journey

25. Lost touch with myself and then now I'm finally going home to me

[mochinek0]

Daminette December 2022: 21-Green

Marinette never expected her life to change so much due to one color: green.

Her first crush, Adrien Agreste, had light green eyes. The first time she truly spoke to him, they were filled with honesty. His eyes seemed to carry so much wonder and joy. Over time, they were clouded with uncertainty. There came a point where he averted his eyes away from her. Those green eyes she had loved, were now the eyes of a coward.

Lila Rossi was the net person with green eyes and would become her enemy. Lila's eyes were conniving and sharp. Her eyes seemed to shift between yellow-green and dark, when she was angry. Lila was a liar, who tried to ruin her life.

The last pair of green eyes that changed her life belonged to the love of her life, Damian Wayne. Damian had made her life so much better. She had been at her lowest, when he found her. He understood her artistic needs, when she was anxious, and how to calm her down. Damian and his family were her biggest supporters, after her own family.

"Please, welcome the Waynes!" the announcer cried out.

Marinette smiled and gripped her husband's arm, as they took the stage with the rest of the family. She kept a smile on her face, as she caught Lila's eyes from across the room. They were dark green; green with envy. She could see the hatred in her eyes. She spotted Adrien's eyes filled with shock and worry.

"I think we'll need a bigger stage soon." Bruce quipped, as he took the mic, "Some of you may know my family, but not everyone does. Let me introduce my sons: Richard Grayson-Wayne, Jason Todd-Wayne, Timothy Drake-Wayne, and Damian Wayne."

The boys waved.

"Many of you do not know the girl at the end. That is Marinette Wayne, my daughter-in-law and Damian's wife."

Marinette smiled as people clapped. Bruce was quick to had over the mic.

"Thank you, Bruce." she smiled, "We are so happy you are all here, today, to help us donate to the children! Every dollar you donate will help us bring a smile to a child's face. Not every parent can be there for them, twenty-four seven, and we want to help those families. They have bills, work, other children to look after. A sick child should never feel that they are a hinderance to their family. Many of you have already donated and we are very thankful. Prince Ali of the Kingdom of Achu is here tonight! We are most grateful to his generous donation through his charity for pediatric hospitals. I, personally, will be shutting down comissions to make clothes for the children in the hospital. The Wayne Foundation will also be donating a million dollars to the hospital, directly, to create a whole ward dedicated for pediatrics."

The crowd began to clap and cheer. As the number of donations began to skyrocket, the Waynes left the stage to mingle.

"Mrs. Wayne." Gabriel spoke, introducing his presence, as well as Adrien and Lila's.

"Ah, Mr. Agreste." Mari smiled, "I thought I spotted Adrien and....your model."

Gabriel cleared his throat, knowing her distaste for Lila.

"Are you still mad at me, Marinette?" Lila questioned, "I promise I'm not the same person I was back in college."

"Yes." He stated, ignoring his muse, "I'm shocked to hear you will be closing your comissions though."

Marinette smiled, "Aside for creating clothes for the sick children at the hospital, I want to create the perfect nursey for our child."

Adrien's jaw dropped, "You're pregnant?"

"Oh, did that news not reach Paris?" Mari asked, "It's been known for almost three months."

"You're so thin!" Lila shrieked, "You must see my doctor. You're practically killing your own child."

"My wife is perfectly healthy, you deranged pig." Damian growled.

"Damian!" Marinette called out, "It's okay. I'm sure you remember me telling you about Lila. She was the disabled model, who didn't know how to control her own mouth."

Lila snapped her mouth shut.

Marinette smiled, "I told my husband all about you disability, Lila. Don't worry, even my parents told him how much they appreciated Gabriel for that reason. I don't know how many times I heard them tell customers about the girl with the lying disease and how Gabriel was an inspiration for having you model for his brand. Myself and Rose already warned Prince Ali, so you don't have to worry about him. We made sure he wouldn't sue you for your false claims about working with him on an environmental project. I also made sure Jagged Stone wouldn't sue you either. I'd be careful who you speak to tonight, though. This is Gotham and if you speak to the wrong person, well, they might call GCPD on you. I'd hate for them to mistake you as someone in dire need and you end up in Arkham Asylum. You might find yourself at the mercy of the rouges. I'd hate if that happened and I could have stopped it."

"Marinete, you're scaring her." Adrien interrupted.

"Adrien." Marinette growled, "I'm only telling her what she needs to hear. If something were to happen to her under your father's watch, imagine the hit to the brand. Many people don't know she's disabled! Not to mention, she's an adult. She can't call her mother to get her out of the asylum, only the doctors can decide when she is fit to leave."

Lila kept her mouth shut and her head down.

"And you can't do anything?" Adrien asked.

"No." Damian sneered, "Are asking my pregnant wife to put herself in harm's way around the mentally ill? If you and your father cannot control your girlfriend, then take her back to the hotel until your scheduled flight. Angel, let us return to the manor. You don't need to stress yourself out tonight. You have already said what was needed."

"Mr. Agreste, you can always call Wayne Enterprise and they will patch you through to me to continue our conversation." Marinette declared.

"Of course, Mrs. Wayne." Gabriel stated, "I apologize for my guest. Her words were unnecessary and have caused you stress. I'll make sure Ms. Rossi returns swiftly to the hotel, on your good fortune."

Marinette nodded and was guided away to the rest of the Waynes. Gabriel watched as Marinette hugged her new family and left the hall.

"Ms. Rossi." he spoke.

"Yes, Mr. Agreste?" she questioned.

"I believe I stated for you to return to the hotel." he growled.

"But-" Lila countered.

"I will personally be speaking to Prince Ali and Mr. Stone about your disability. They will decide whether I should keep you as a model. I require perfection and from what I hear, you are far from perfect." Mr. Agreste sneered.

"I was a child!" Lila shouted.

"Then, lie and live in Arkham Asylum for the rest of your life." Gabriel declared, "Adrien, you will stay by my side. I don't want you associating with Ms. Rossi, until further notice."

"Yes, Father." Adrien spoke.

Marinette relaxed in the car as Damian drove them back to the manor.

"Habibiti, forget the words of the insufferable wench." Damian stated, "You handled her beautifully."

Marinette sighed and closed her eyes.

"I will prepare peppermint tea once we are inside. You should disrobe and get comfortable in the sleepwear your mother sent you. We can lay in bed and watch that show you prefer; the one with sewing and challenges." he continued to speak.

As Marinette relaxed, she felt herself drifting off to sleep. Only one thing was on her mind, as she rubbed her stomach.

'I hope you have your father's eyes.'

TAG LIST: @maribat-calendar-events @animeweebgirl @a-star-with-a-human-name @meme991001 @vixen-uchiha @abrx2002 @alysrose-starchild @fandom-trapped-03 @dood-space @moonlightstar64 @saltymiraculer @marveldcedits20 @09shell-sea09 @icerosecrystal @animegirlweeb @insane-fangirl-of-everything @blueblossombliss @nickristus-dreamer @megawhitleycalderonpaganus

[a-d-nox]

hi! i love your posts about the matrix of destiny, its a really interesting topic and you explain it so well! could you please tell us a bit about the center number and the ones that are beside the heart? thank ypu very much, hope this finds you well ♡

web of wyrd: the relationship number

the number we are focusing on today is based on the TERTIARY KARMIC LESSON NUMBER AND THE FLOW NUMBER (ex: my relationship number is 8: 9 + 17 = 26 -> 2 + 6 = 8 (recall that numbers must be summed a second time if they total 23 (i.e. 2 + 3 = 5) and above)). for some reason this is a calculation error in my astro-calc chart - my monetary number and relationship numbers are swapped (don't be afraid to question your numbers and check the math of websites).

but what does this number mean?

this number represents your romantic partners in this lifetime. all partners that you had / have / will have tend to follow a trend - it can be looks, attitude, their life situation, etc. something about this number indicates the romances you will have. with this number you can see the ideal and the toxic side of your partnerships.

so let's talk about some examples:

8 - strength

click here for the card description of strength found in a prior wyrd web post.

ideal 8 partners are strong and dependable. they are there for you at your lowest point and stay with you despite all things. they help you the best that they can (they often go beyond what you assume they can) given their power and the situation. they will fight for you no matter what is in the way - internal issue (feeling a lack of security or reassurance, etc.) or external ones (physical distance, etc.). they encourage you to do what you want without making you question your capabilities. they make you feel confident about yourself. you won't feel nervous being vulnerable with this partner. your partners are likely to have leo placements.

toxic 8 partners are likely to be flighty - they don't tend to be consistent or dependable. they likely don't comfort you when something is wrong in the connection. they might just abandon you. they might be the type of person to fight you, instead of alongside you. they easily give up in the connection. they might put you down or shame you. they could make you feel apprehensive to leave the connection. they may make you feel weak and uncomfortable with vulnerability.

12 - the hanged man

click here for the card description of the hanged man found in a prior wyrd web post.

ideal 12 partners are open minded. they are patient and willing to see things from your perspective even though they may initially disagree with you. they are curious individuals who usually enjoy doing research and thinking about things very carefully. they are willing to explore things that are outside of their comfort zone and often they are open to mindfully exploring the things you believe in. your partners often have a neptune heavy chart.

toxic 12 partners are constantly complaining about their life circumstances. they often try to go backwards in time or they rush into a future. they might not be the most respectful of your boundaries - they could push you when you aren't ready. they could also lack the ability to stay calm or quiet in any given moment. they could be abrasive and dismiss your thoughts and ideas without much care.

21 - the world

click here for the card description of the world found in a prior wyrd web post.

ideal 21 partners are always ready for the next chapter in life with you. you want to move in - they are ready, and they have options of where you guys can/should live. you want to travel to a new country - they are in. you want to get married - "when? i need to get you a ring and take off from work." they want to be with you, and they will do whatever it takes to make it happen. they celebrate everything you do - you get a promotion, and they are going to take you out for a special dinner. they don't forget your birthday or holidays that are important to you; they do what makes you feel special. they are often very mature and successful. often your partners have a saturn heavy chart, or you meet them later in life.

toxic 21 partners are stagnate in life they aren't go-getters. they are often not ready when it comes to your relationship - they likely will never be if they are stuck in the past or too focused on their future and not the relationship's future. they could also be the type to be in denial that you are done with the relationship; they might continually come back and try to be "friends," or try to convince you that you are both still meant to be together. they also tend to be forgetful about the things that matter most to you.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my "suggest a post topic." button if you want to see a specific pac/pile next! if you'd like my input on how i read a specific card or what i like to ask my deck, feel free to use the ask button for that as well.

click here for the masterlist

click here for more web of wyrd related posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[batterfang]

Feeling really frustrated tonight just thinking about the fact that my low iron levels were ignored or passed off as in normal range for so long. My ferritin was at 21. I think the "normal range" that many clinics use in my area is 15 - 150. I've been dealing with fatigue, fast heartbeat, weakness, hair loss for so many fucking years now to just learn by going into a dermatologist FINALLY that she considers me iron deficient. She wants my ferritin to be around 70 to potentially help with the hair loss. Not one of 4 doctors I've had in the past 6 years has thought that my iron was low. So it's probably been slowly getting worse over the years to where now I'm at the point I feel incapable of walking around the block or even cleaning most days. Is this definitively what my problem is? I'll find out over the next year as I supplement but god damn I'm mad.

My mom has struggled with anemia throughout her life and her lowest level was 23. She could barely move some days just from the pain. It took one doctor to be like.. 23 is way too low holy shit. And it was only after her ferritin levels came up from supplementing that she felt better. Then years later when it happened again, a hysterectomy to stop her insane bleeding. Thankfully my periods aren't like my moms were but even if you have normal periods, look at your ferritin. I'm begging you. If you feel like crap and you can't figure out why, know that the ranges currently in use are failing to prevent anemia from progressing to the point I'm at right now. No way in hell is anyone at the lower end of the spectrum, lower than me, okay.

Every body is different and some people might need more iron than what doctors consider to be in normal range. You might function great at 25 while others need to be much higher.

[boilingheart]

went to the doctor recently for a routine check up and i realized i've come a long way since i started therapy and medication management when i was asked if i struggle with suicidal thoughts or lost interest in anything. every time i had been asked questions about suicidal ideation or depression and stuff i always answered that it was affecting my day to day life. because it was! i was getting to a point where i couldn't find any joy in any of my hobbies or anything. every day i thought about ending it all.

so it was a big awesome wake up call to realize in that moment that i hadn't thought about any of that in a while. i was so excited to tell my doctor i'd been doing so much better bc he'd seen me at all my lowest points. i was in and out of his office in 2020-21 bc of my severe hypochondria.

now i'm not perfect, i still have some anxiety and there's still a lot of stress, but the depression is not nearly as bad. hell, i'm not even sure i'm still depressed, it's possible i'm not (or i'm just way less dead). i'm still fiddling with my adhd medication dosages but. i'm so much better these days and it's really nice to actually be able to say that stuff out loud, you know?

[jungwnies]

hi maeby! its been a while, im sorry this took too long and I don’t know exactly when you’ll see this but know that i’m writing this on december 16 for reference hehe (this will essentially be a 2023 recap but ill try to be as short as possible)

last time i was here i think it was the end of june or beginnings of july and a lot has happened in my life, on august i turned 21 and i also went to the eras tour!! definitely one of the best days ever in my life and maybe top 3 on best days of 2023  🤍

talking about my birthday its little sensitive topic, for the past five years or so my birthdays has kind of been something that I’ve dreaded so much and i'm just the opposite of happy, its like those posts you see everywhere of people crying in their room during their birthdays and this year wasn’t  the exception, this years birthday..lets just say it will be memorable but leaving that aside august was kind of okay

the concert experience may be on of my favorite memories just because it feel so cathartic, it was just so beautiful talking to strangers and us bonding over music and art, listening and singing to my favorite songs, getting to go to a concert for the first time on my own, traveling with my sister (just the two of us) for the first time, all the beautiful pictures and videos and people that i keep with me because of that one experience it just something that I will eternally be grateful for (also, so. many. friendship. bracelets.)

i remember looking back at my life and my lowest points in it and thinking (and hopefully it won’t get too sad) “well maybe someone out there was right, i just needed to hang on a little tighter, cause imagine missing out on this” 

september was filled with delicious food and me going out a little more often

in october was my sisters birthday, so she held a halloween costume party and i got to dress up as an elf/fairy, i also went to one of my best friends birthday party and felt amazing seeing a couple of familiar faces after months, and some of them even years, waiting. also yes, this means i ate a lot of cake on october (my moms birthday was also on this month hah). i also took a ceramic class. i loved it (I made a small bowl :))

november i went out a lot, bought new clothes, bought christmas decorations, studied korean, went to the doctor cause i thought i was going to die (turns out im not, even far from it : im as healthy as a horse) 

and as of december, planning christmas dinner with my mom and sister, got a bad haircut that made me cry so hard and then got it fixed at another salon, had dates with friends, retook ceramic classes (i made two cups, three heart shaped plates and a little jewelry organizer), scheduled one more therapy session before the year ends after months of not going, took more buses this month than in my whole life and i guess im slowly figuring out my stuff a little more. 

i discovered new artists this year, feel in love again  with old ones that I had forgotten about, learned new cooking recipes, got a little more out of the house than last year, made amends with my body and established boundaries even though it hurt :)

turning 21 this year essentially meant a lot, i don’t want to go into more detailed as to not make this any longer but lets just say im planning on getting 21 tattooed on my next year haha

i hope the rest of the year was kind to you, if you feel comfortable to answer with maybe your favorite parts of 2023 would be great! if not just know that i love you and missed dropping by here, hopefully starting 2024 i'll be back here regularly <3<3

take care, stretch, rest all you need, take your time, and remember that im always right here rooting for you and hugging you 🩶🩶🩶

happy holidays :) love youuuuu

-🧸anon

hiii 🧸anon <3

it has been literally so long, i was taking a break from tumblr, honestly i didn't even think i'd come back but seeing this upon logging in literally brought joy to my heart knowing you're still around! :)

i've read everything, from your birthday to your christmas dinner with your mom and sister. starting with your birthday i'm glad that 2023 you had a memorable birthday after dreading it for so many years, and i hope 2024 also brings you joy! onto the concert next, i know exactly how you feel, it's something that you don't feel often and the crowds are just so amazing because it's people who share the same love for the same artist, and it's like you are in your own little world for a few hours. next, september & october, i'm glad it was filled with food and another birthday, it seems so fun to have a halloween themed birthday honestly!! november, i'm glad it was a good month besides the scary doctors visit >.< december seemed to have been a busy month for you, and hopefully your hair is okay now :( hopefully the therapy sesh went well. I'm glad your year was overall not too shabby, and I'm glad that you had a lot of character development. Hopefully 2024 brings you absolutely nothing but joy! 🖤

now onto my year, i guess i'll go with the highlights. i essentially had a relatively good year, i was able to do a lot of things, and uni was not too stressful, but it's a little harder this semester. starting with my august, i didn't do much except get ready for the semester, signed up for my september classes etc etc, it was relatively boring. my september was a little more eventful, i took a marine biology class which was so fun, and i'm not even majoring in marine bio, we got to talk about sea legends and a lot of the lore behind mermaids and other stuff. in october i did the same thing, but i made one of my best friends ever, except uhhh we're not really friends anymore as of recently, but my heart goes to them, they meant alot. in november i built a new computer, a little nerdy but i actually really enjoyed it except i had a mental breakdown trying to do cable management LMFAO 😭😭in december i had a good month, except the basement flooded so that wasn't very slay but regardless it was a good month filled with nothing but holiday spirit and gifts.

now with a short little update on my 2024, because it's been awhile. in january i went back to school for the second semester, and it's been tough i'm not going to lie. i also got a boyfriend so like !?!??! kinda crazy, he's not too bad but like every relationship we definitely have our downs. in february, it was a short month but nonetheless eventful this is the downfall of me and bestie tbh, but it's okay he was like a life lesson or something!?!?! now this month, it just started and it's been great, it's midterm week right now so i'm a bit stressed, but i also suddenly got motivation to go back on youtube and write on tumblr again, so i'm super happy about that :)

i hope 2024 is kind to you and gives you a lot of joy! remember to take care of yourself, just as you always say to me, stretch, rest all you need, take your time, and remember that im always right here rooting for you and hugging you as well! ❤️❤️❤️

have a great year, and i hope to see you again 🧸❤️

[rozetheeuwu]

21, 22, 16, 24 & 26 for the Belrose Sisters for the ask game (because I think they come in my mind first for those questions)

Alright, that's a bunch. Lets do this! Sorry if I ramble in some answers and if my answers aren't clear since I still don't know how to express my thoughts properly lol

TW mention of child abuse (but not going into detail about it.)

Putting under read more because it's a long post lol

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

Before the fire accident probably.

They obviously lived a normal happy life then, and although they finally have each other again and live together in their old home they have a lot of healing to do before they can achieve that same happiness again.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

Charlotte: Realizing she wasn't the one who caused the fire and that got her parents killed and her and her sisters thrown into the orphanage and in Sigmund's care.

She said it herself, for so long that's kinda what she based her life around and for that to be gone leaves her in a place where she just doesn't know who or what to be.

Laura: Probably when her parents passed away and being put into Sigmund's care. Unlike her sisters she didn't really base her life around the accident/revenge so she had more time to focus on herself.

Although she went through the same abuse under she seemed to occupy herself with other things rather (Like the art thing she talked about in the New World Asylum for ex.). When she got out she immediately got to work on the garden from the mansion.

It's clear that's where she set her mind on and having a hobby/interest like that helps you keep your life in balance.

So yeah, losing her parents in a fire is probably the lowest point in her life.

Saphira: Sigmund getting killed by Lin's hands and not hers.

This is similar to Charlotte, she based her whole life around getting revenge on Sigmund and when he's gone she feels empty and doesn't know what to do with her life. Although it was Lin that killed him and not her, she would probably still feel this way or similarly at least.

And even though she has her sisters it's not easy to take care of them, especially since she doesn't even properly take care of herself.

23. Future headcanon

They all get do volunteer work at different places to get more work and life experience since they didn't really have a chance to growing up.

16. A childhood headcanon

These are all going to be very random lol

Laura was a horse girl growing up, she also watched MLP no doubt in my mind.

Saphira had a knack for getting hurt while playing as a child and was often seen with band aids and bandages.

Charlotte wasn't a picky eater, but refused to use forks to eat and only ate using a spoon.

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

I'm gonna be honest, I don't think they ever kept secrets from each other. I feel like the only 'secrets' they would have was if one of them was feeling sad, hurt, angry but didn't want the other two to worry (although they would pick up on that quickly).

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

Saphira during the entirety Labradorra + tournament + Victory Road part.

Charlotte during the tournament.

Laura's moment before the siege Labradorra with Laura and Benette returning to the city and her sisters in the house as well as her interaction with us in Charous Hall.

And that's all! Sorry I didn't go into detail with the last question I just have a hard time explaining why I think certain things kfjdgld

Thanks for the ask!

[cheese-anon-real]

New Year's Cheese

2023 has been one wild ride of a year for me Writer content in the latter half of this, below the cut!! do be warned! So. In 2023 I went from Cheese the Anon Asker to Cheese-Anon-Real. I’ve formed what I like to consider my little family, with the Sparda Boys and my fellow anons! Gods below I am so grateful for all of you, you made the last like, 3-4 months of the year so much better. Got sent to Space Jail twice, broke out twice with help Found Kaz again!!! Already touched on the family, but just Met Dante, Nero, and Vergil, absolutely love them to bits(Please be alive over there, Vergil, and not split in 2. Urizen’s cool and all but good god I wanted to shadow your devil hunting so bad when I got free) and Griffon I miss you come back you dumbass ball of feathers where’d you GO- Azuree may not be an anon but gods below, do I love them!! They’re such a sweetie like wth Joker, Fresa, Queen and her daughter Kaylee, and Candy have won my hearts, as my funny little family. You’re all being adopted by me now, face your future hell with me. UwU or smth idfk Am I an UwU-ass bitch or an OwO-ass bitch? Partner says it depends lolol. On what? Who knows. I love them so much too, they’re my world. I’ve had a lot of fun meeting you all, and I hope to hell and back that we keep up these silly little interactions over the next year. I know it hasn’t been perfect, but here’s to a good ‘24 for us all! Thank you for literally existing. I hope the other anons join the official family soon. Happy New Year, @pizzalover8969, @thebestsonofsparda, @thebluerose, @the-thunder-chicken, @azureedoodles, @anonjoker, @bizcochodefresa, @anonymousqueenofrandom, @princessanonofrandom, @therealcandyanon, and finally, @reece-piece-puff

sorry if the @'s is a bad move or I like, piss some of you off with it ;;

Love, Cheese(Roseanna)

P.S. I promise I'll get on writing my lore soon, I just haven't had much time :')

Reminder; Writer Content is Below The Cut. Beware!!!

2023 was even wilder for me than it was for Cheese lmfao.

I finally got into DMC this year, after being drawn in by Gura and the OST in summer of ‘21. On a family vacation, at that! Finally played 5, beat it, beat it again as Vergil. Played 3, beat it with some help from my partner. Started a Vergil run of 3, and started 1, never finished either, because life kinda got crazy Started playing C.O.D??? Somehow?? Never thought I’d play a C.O.D. game but here I am and I like the campaign for the MW2 remake, I suck ass at it but that’s a me problem lmao Got into therapy, finally, actually working on my problems now and really happy about it Went through several Vtuber avatar designs, finally settled on one I like and I’m almost done with it!!! Just gotta struggle through the hair, hand toggles, and the face! Wow!! Went through endless self-discovery, thought I might be trans(I am in fact not trans, I am Fluid! As far as I know. Still working on that. And other things, but one step at a time!! FINALLY reunited with my two best friends. In person. In another state. One of em, I've known since we were 11 and they moved away when we were 13. I had never hung out with them outside of school, and they introduced me to my other best friend, who came up to my state to meet me in late spring of ‘21, hadn’t seen them since. That friend actually paid for the trip themself, because I went through a god-awful breakdown for a solid 2 weeks and tried to. Isolate myself from everyone I love. But thankfully they talked me out of it and got me back into the group, got me going again when I was at probably my second lowest point since I was a preteen. Got oddly close with another friend while I was there, met the majority of my friend group, and now that friend I got close with is EASILY my third best friend! Not third-best, they are also a best friend and I love them so much?? We hyperfixate on like, all the same things. Dragged them into loving Ghost(band) and they’re dragging me into Scott Pilgrim! Woohoo, here we go! Left my friend group like a month ago because one of them is uh. Not. the best? But only sometimes. They don’t have bad intentions and they’re not outright toxic I don’t think, but I uh. Got kinda sick of their sense of humor. Not always funny, kinda mean to a certain other member. Not always though. But like we can work on it when I go back its fiiiiiiine! Learned communication to a degree, holy shit I hate talking about my problems, oh my god please I don’t need help I’m just a burden anyway(I’m working on it, don’t come at me with support I’ll get there with my family and friends eventually. Not attention-seeking here, I’m building my support group as I go.) Had 13 house emergencies!!!! Will list them! Woo! 1 - water heater leak 2 - gas leak 3 - roof leak again(we had a roof leak in ‘22) 4 - house flood 2 electric boogaloo(house flooded like a week after my partner moved in, in ‘22, before I arrived) 5 - flood 3 6 - roof leak 3 7 - roof leak 4 8 - heater died 9 - bathroom door handle fell off the door for literally no reason 10 - house flood 4 11 - roof leak 5 12 - house flood 5 House Flood 5 caused us to get renovations in the organized housing, and after that, they just straight up moved us to a new house. We had 8 fffffffucking days to get the hell out of our house and into the new one. Like, they actually put the time constraint on us. So funny of them! AND THEN THE NEW ONE DIDN’T HAVE SHUT-OFF VALVES FOR EITHER OF THE HOSE SPIGOTS AND WE HAD TO GET THAT HANDLED BUT THEY DIDN’T HANDLE IT. HELP. BROTHER WE ARE TRYING TO FOLLOW THE RULES. WHY ARE YOU FORBIDDING US. so. 13 - no shut off-valves(technically an ‘emergency’ bc the pipes could freeze and then burst) Got summoned for Jury Duty in my parents’ state! IN THE TIME WHERE WE WEREN’T CERTAIN WHEN THE CONTRACTORS WERE COMING. OR IF WE WOULD BE IN THE SAME HOUSE NEXT WEEK. JESUS CHRIST. But, did also get to go on another family vacation. We got to watch the Perseids! I saw a possum there. Literally loved that so much.

Also got SUUUUPER into Ghost(band) in the last like 3 weeks and I'm head over heels for 99% of their songs that I've listened to?? Hell yeah.

It’s been an intense year of ups and downs, but I’m really determined to turn my life around for the better, now. I’m gonna put my all into actually improving my health, both physical and mental/emotional. I didn’t want that to be like, a new year resolution, it just kinda lined up with the new year.

[thesconesyard]

Yeehaw!

When the Cactus Blooms

21. An Unconventional Steed

“How did you end up here?”

Scotty looked up at Jaylah. They were working together on another of the carts. Despite being a thief, John Harrison had had some good engineering ideas and Scotty would be damned if he didn’t use them. The first cart he had fixed was the best one they had now, and he intended to make the others just as good.

“Ye know lassie, we don’t normally ask each other such pointed questions. We all got our share of blows in this life and we don’t always want to be reminded of them.”

“Oh.”

“No, no lass!” Scotty said quickly at the expression on her face. “Ye can ask me, I don’t mind. My lows weren’t the lowest here. Just take care of some of the others.”

“Ok,” Jaylah said softly.

“I ended up here because of a unicorn,” Scotty answered, turning back to the work in front of them.

“Oh. Wait- what?” Jaylah looked at him in confusion.

“Aye.” Scotty kept his eyes down, trying to keep his face blank.

“A unicorn?”

Scotty nodded.

“Montgomery Scotty…”

“Oh fine lass, I’ll tell you,” Scotty laughed. “I had a wee brother—”

“Had?” Jaylah asked as her eyes widened.

“Have, aye, sorry,” Scotty said quickly. “I don’t get to see him…” He shrugged. “We were a pair, always up to something. Finally we got in a wee bit too deep with the wrong people. We were forced to either produce an actual unicorn, or, well, no more Scott brothers.”

“What did you do?” Jaylah demanded. “Those aren’t real.”

Scotty let out a chuckle.

“We did what any pair of trouble-making brothers would do.”

“You made a fake one?”

“Oh nae lass. We did one better. We found a horse named Aon-adharcach.”

Scotty grinned at Jaylah’s blank look.

“It's unicorn in Gaelic. We rode it together through the town. Thought we were a pair of right smart ones. Fortunately the people we had wronged found it funny as well. And here I am.” Scotty smiled again at Jaylah, before turning back to his work, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Can ye hand me that?” he asked, pointing at a tool, before Jaylah could ask anything else.

Scotty had finished the work on the cart with Jaylah and then had gone off on his own. He needed time to settle himself and think. Or maybe try not to think. He hadn’t thought about his brother in a long time and the memories still hurt.

He wasn’t aware of how much time had passed until the smell of something delicious wafted by. Scotty looked up from where he was sitting on the far side of the tree at the creek to see McCoy standing next to him. In the doctor’s hand was a bowl. His bottle of good whisky was in the other.

“A unicorn huh?” McCoy smiled gently as he made himself comfortable on the ground next to Scotty. He handed the bowl over and produced a spoon from his shirt pocket. “You missed dinner and you should eat.”

“Thank you love,” Scotty said quietly as he accepted the meal.

“Eat and then if you want to talk we can. Or not,” McCoy said carefully. “I won’t push.”

They sat in silence as Scotty ate, shoulders pressed together. The creek murmured in front of them and a breeze ruffled Scotty’s hair. He set the bowl and spoon aside when he was done, then leaned against McCoy’s warm body even more.

“Ye told me about yer life before, it’s fair I tell mine,” he said quietly. McCoy didn’t say anything, just joined his hand with Scotty’s.

“I lost my wee brother because of it all.”

“I’m sor—”

“He’s alive,” Scotty said quickly. “At least as far as I know. I’ve nae heard from him in years.”

“You write to him?”

Scotty shook his head. “Cannae. The people we were in with… They’d know. After the unicorn trick I made a deal to keep Robbie safe. We were lucky they’d found that humorous.”

Scotty’s head fell to his chest, and he let his memories swirl around him again.

“They wouldn't hurt Robbie and would make sure he stayed safe, on two conditions. One was he had to leave Aberdeen. It was the only home we knew, but our parents were already gone, so…”

“What was the second?” McCoy asked gently.

Scotty closed his eyes tight against the tears forming.

“I had to leave Scotland and never see him again.” It came out as a faint whisper, and Scotty felt a tear slide down his face. McCoy’s arm went around his shoulders and pulled him closer.

“I went to London, but it wasn’t enough. The urge to go back was too strong,” he continued. “So I worked until I had enough to cross the ocean. But then I would spend each evening staring at the sea. I had to go further where I wouldn’t be tempted. Here I am.”

“Oh darlin’,” McCoy breathed. “Does he know? Why you left?”

Scotty nodded.

“He didn’t want me to. But they would have hurt him, killed him if I hadn’t.”

McCoy didn’t say anything else, he just held Scotty close, and Scotty was grateful for it.

[dianight]

Here's how my pokemon red nuzlocke went. (long)

For context, the original. Dated jokes in there.

The full rules that I used:

If a pokemon faints, it counts as death. You can't use them anymore.

You can only catch the first wild pokemon on each area. There's a bit of vagueness when it comes to consecutive routes or towns where you can get more than 1 pokemon.

You can get one extra level to your team per area. (This was added late) If new pokemon are too low level you can get them to whatever you highest is minus 10.

You can't catch a pokemon that you've already caught (unless they have different evolutions/forms, although it's not a thing in gen 1). If you have a Pidgey and next route the first pokemon is a Pidgey, you can give one extra level to your lowest level pokemon.

You can't buy any HP or status heals. Everything else is fine.

All gyms have to be done fully with no pokemon center visits. You go in, you either win or you die.

Starter, fossil, eeveelution and hitmons are random.

Legendaries and master ball are allowed if you want. (Never fought the birds or Mewtwo).

The goal is to beat the elite four and Gary.

---

Started with Squirtle. Got a Pidgey, Rattata and Weedle.

Rattata (Mike) missed and got critted as the first casualty.

---

Beat Brock. Then I had the choice of Magikarp or a wild pokemon. Chose not to get the Magikarp. Wanted Jigglypuff but got a Spearow. My teams tend to have lots of flyers.

On Mount Moon I got a Zubat (love Crobat). Wanted an Ekans or Abra from the next routes but no luck, just the same pokemons I had. On the way to Bill Spearow (Rika) got critted by a Slowpoke with confusion. Terrifying.

---

Looking back it was 2 routes together, so for my next one (blue) I'll get an extra chance to catch something and one extra level (my team is constantly underleveled save for 1 or 2 girls).

Kept going, ignoring Misty for now. At this point Pidgeotto and Wartortle were 20-21 and the rest where still behind trying to be useful (don't remember exactly, but 13-15 range).

Before Vermillion City I had two routes aswell. Not knowing this was a thing was a problem since my team felt way lower level than I expected. Got an Oddish!

Went to the route east of Vermillion. Magneton with thundershock almost kills several. Got an Ekans! On the tunnel first pokemon is a level 29 Dugtrio so Wartortle has to kill it before I get critted by dig.

SS Anne before I backtrack to get Misty and Pidgeotto (Pollo) gets critted by Gary's Raticate completely out of nowhere.

---

He was not full HP but it was a massive miscalculation that cost his life and my strongest pokemon at the time.

After Misty I went east to prepare my team (Wartortle, Beedrill, Zubat, Ekans and Oddish) for Surge. Wanted a Voltorb but no luck, on the cave I got an Onix!

Get Surge with Onix's dig, pretty much a free gym. Go through the tunnel. A series of rea~~lly bad decisions and Ekans (Sanae) gets critted, Onix (Tenshi) gets oneshot critted by absorb from an underleveled Oddish (thought I could dig...) and our Oddish (Ahko) ALSO gets critted right before evolving. (<- I missplayed this part SO badly).

---

At this point I had a team of 3 (Wartortle, Beedrill and Golbat) so I try to go west of Lavender see if we can get stronger before pokemon tower.

From this point I get almost no new wild pokemon (keep getting Spearow/Pidgey/Rattata/Oddish) so my team doesn't grow in size. Go to Celadon (I can pick Eevee or one of the prizes in the casino). Although Abra is kinda tempting, I love all my Eevee forms. Roll for it (it has to be random) and I get Flareon. Jolteon is my favourite and it would have been ok, Vaporeon would be a bit redundant since I have Wartortle.

Go west of Celadon (wanted Doduo) no luck. Go south of Lavender. All this just to be ready for pokemon tower. Can't lose any more pokemon after that blunder.

I fight Gary one more time. Gyarados uses HYDRO PUMP and crits. Golbat (Aoi) dies.

---

Get a Gastly and finish up. How sad...

Get the pokeflute. Remember I haven't caught anything south of Lavender yet. Get Snorlax!

Next time for the part where you go to Fuchsia I'll check the number of routes so my levels and chances to catch new pokemon are higher. I thought that it was all a big route.

First new pokemon is a Ditto fighting our Beedrill. Run out of super balls and have to kill it. Doduo runs away on the safari zone. Everywhere else I keep getting previously caught pokemon.

Silph goes relatively ok, Gary manages to not kill anyone for once.

Fight every single trainer I can because I'm back to being very underleveled. On Koga's gym Beedrill (Pax) fails to oneshot an Hypno with twinneedle and gets critted by confusion. For Koga I send Blastoise (Aurora), set up +6 defense with withdraw but on Weezing I get CRITTED by selfdestruct.

---

What a bloodbath. My team is now Flareon, Haunter and Snorlax. On Sabrina set up Flareon with +6 evasion double team and sweep with swift.

Go for one of the hitmons (chan this time) and go through the water south of Fuchsia. Eventually get a Goldeen (my surf pokemon now, very underleveled from fishing in Fuchsia), Tentacool and Slowpoke (Articuno island). Get to Cinnabar and catch a Ponyta and get Kabuto from the fossil.

Haunter at 50, Snorlax/Flareon at 40-high and Ponyta, Hitmonchan and Goldeen at 30-low. Blaine is quite easy but at this point my team is still pretty weak. Get some levels in the burned mansion and lose Hitmonchan (Miu) and Goldeen (Seiga) to Ponyta's crits. I didn't know they had such high attack stat. Get Kabutops at 40. Destroy Blaine.

---

No more places to level up. Go Giovanni. Keep Haunter for him while everyone else deals with all the karatekas and cool trainers. Psychic is so OP in gen 1. Earthquake is scary but I outspeed everything but Dugtrio, luckily it doesn't use it.

Go fight Gary. Haunter's thunderbolt for Pidgeot, Snorlax will overpower and outheal Alakazam and then Flareon and Haunter will sweep the rest.

Victory Road goes well, try to catch Geodude and it selfdestructs...

---

Final grind. Haunter is 60, Flareon is 53 (1 more for flamethrower...) and Snorlax, Kabutops and Rapidash are 50 after using all rare candies I had.

---

Final check. Tentacool (Momo) and Slowpoke (Tomoko) are on the PC box. They can't really help at this point.

---

Use all my TMs (or try to). Kabutops gets blizzard. Snorlax gets earthquake. Haunter gets mega drain. Toss everything out.

I got a full restore, a max potion and full heal. Ethers and elixers (sic) are plenty.

---

Lorelei: try to set up Flareon +6 evasion. Dewgong has rest. I can't outdamage it like this, I thought fire spin would do more (ice/water) but it says not effective... Swap Snorlax in. Body slam my way through her team. Lapras is strong. Paralize her. Blizzard hits hard. I rest and wake up with pokeflute. I just need one paralysis proc or a blizzard miss so I can finish her. Blizzard crits and Snorlax (Koharu) dies.

---

Send Kabutops to finish this. Slash crits but doesn't kill. Pure terror. Blizzard CRITS us again. Kabutops (Shelly) dies.

---

Realize that gen 1 does not have PP for enemy moves. Realize that we are dead if Haunter faints, since I used both heals on Lorelei already. Flareon and Rapidash will have to buy time if Haunter gets some status or negative stats at any point.

Bruno dies to mega drain on the Onixes (Onices?) and psychic on the Hitmons and Machamp.

Agatha is way more dangerous. Gengar tries confusion ray and hypnosis. Not getting hit by dream eater so pokeflute and psychic. Got hit by nightshade once. Golbat and Arbok aswell. Foe Haunter is weaker than us. Second Gengar falls aswell but get hit by nightshade again.

Lance. Thunderbolt on Gyarados. Mega drain on the Dragonairs, back to full HP. They use agility because it's psychic type. Aerodactyl falls to thunderbolt. Dragonite spams barrier too.

Haunter is 63, Flareon is hurt at 53 and Rapidash at 50.

Gary.

Send Haunter against foe Pidgeot. We use confuse ray and the animation plays. Right, the game overrides that setting for the final fight. Pidgeot hits herself. X precision. Wing attack hits. No crit. Still 70-75%, we'll top up on Rhydon. X special. Foe Pidgeot is glowing. Thunderbolt.

Alakazam. Right, she goes before Rhydon... A psychic crit will kill. Psybeam is ma~~~ybe survivable? Confuse ray. She uses reflect. Thunderbolt. She uses reflect again! Thunderbolt crit!

Rhydon dies to mega drain. Haunter is now full HP.

Gyarados dies to thunderbolt.

Arcanine. Confuse ray. Uses ember but no burn. Psychic hits but survives. Hits herself. Psychic again.

Venusaur... Confuse ray. Razor leaf crit. Haunter is poison type too, barely a scratch. Psychic once and it kills.

---

Haunter (Yuuna), Flareon (Hope) and Rapidash (RB Dash) are victorious!

---

Soon I'll do blue I think.

[leporellian]

For the character ask: Leporelllo. 1, 2, 10, 21, 22

My first impression of them- i first watched don giovanni and heard about it when i was like 11 and i VISIBLY remember looking at his description somewhere and thinking 'god damnit. this one's going to be my favorite isn't he.' i initially thought he was meant to be more of a comic relief character bc that's how he was described but, Well You See!

2. When I think I truly started to like them- it was a very immediate bond w/ this little guy... he's like all the tropes i Like in characters rolled into one coherent thing. but i denied he was my favorite for a long time actually bc i always feel very embarrassed by my... eclectic (shall we say.) taste in characters LOL

10. Describe the character in one sentence- ough this is difficult... i'd settle on calling him an earthly and often-bullied fellow who both hates and loves don giovanni too much for his own good.

21. When do you think they were at their happiest? it depends on what time we're talking. i think overall he's at his happiest a few years down the line after the events of the opera (and into the foreseeable future from that point on). in my imagination he gets friends, a safer environment, a loving partner, and a better job (if not a perfect one), and even though there's lasting residual marks he does slowly heal from the years of abuse thrown at him.... idk it's a nice thought. in canon, before that all happens, i think his childhood is the happiest memory he has- it all started to go to shit once he moved out of the house as a teenager.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest? i think leporello hits his personal low starting from the end of the opera to... like about a couple of months on from the end? it would be easy to say it's when he's with the don but that's too broad. but i imagine the trauma of witnessing the don's death + the sudden absolute upheaval in his life that brought with it + all of the leftover traumatic behaviors he picked up while with the don being there still and sending him into fits of grief every time they occur + how little he thinks of himself did A Bit of a number on him :(

[rivalkieran]

Lacktwo, 2, 13, 18, 21, 22?

2: when I think I truly started to like them

ok. fun fact. when I first started reading bw2spe I fucking HATED this guy. thought he was just insufferable. I thought the interpol thing was a little interesting but I didnt like.. become insane until his stupid backstory drop closer to the end because it was just so??? baffling??? I couldnt get my mind off of it…… and here we are today. lol. lmao

13: favorite friendship they have?

its blue. is anyone surprised. its about the themes and the parallels and holy shit the parallels. everytime I think about lacktwo masked children parallels I feel overwhelming urges to punch a wall and eat bricks. blue seeing an ominously similar situation to the one she used to be in being reflected in lacktwo and going “oh my god I have to intervene immediately”. lacktwo finally experiencing unconditional love and care . Does anyone understand me.

18: how do you think they were as a kid?

oh this ones fun. I think that he was. Not! a kid. did not have the chance to be! started training under interpol before he had any even Vague sense of self. got told who to be and what to do before he could comprehend the possibility of any other options you know. if you break through his serious interpol facade there is just nothing under there!!

21: when do you think they were at their happiest?

quite the change of pace from the last answer.. I think like once he truly breaks free from interpol (WHICH HE DOES) (TRUST ME) and stumbles upon something hes actually truly passionate about thats when hes at his happiest

22: when do you think they were at their lowest?

this ones actually harder to define because his. entire existence under interpol is just really sad and horrible but is it really right to mark a whole 12 years of his life (which is the entirety of it) as the lowest point of it. actually now that I say it outloud that is quite the lacktwo trait. and also the other answer I have is SPOILERS FOR THE CANON CONTINUATION FIC I HAVENT WRITTEN YET (DOES A SICK KICKFLIP) (EXPLOSION SFX

[miego-media-tracker]

RESPETO (2017)

10/21/2024

// SA Drugs violence police brutality

First watch. One of my profs recommended to the class and she said that we would be discussing it at our next meeting. That might have affected how I consumed it a lil but tbh not by too much. She also prefaced the movie by telling us that it was about the Filipino underground rapping scene. That def affected my experience watching because she did not go into the related themes of police brutality and poverty 😭 so yeah i kinda wasn’t expecting that (insert “i just wasn’t expecting it to be chinese..” vid)

So, Initial thoughts. It’s really well made. I’ve been kind of into opm, but I’m more of a soft rock and r&b enjoyer. This movie made me wanna listen to more hiphop/rap opm. I’ve also REALLY been wanting to get more into Filipino Cinema, and this is exactly the kind of story that I think our entertainment industry needs to really push for.

Some random details and notes that I liked. I loved how they implied what happened with Doc’s family before the reveal. Like the scenes where he would see his wife, they always had people talking about Martial Law or Marcos talking over the radio. (It made me sad that this was during the Duterte Admin, and now Marcos has taken over once again.) The imagery with the pages falling was also really cool and symbolic.

Another thing I found really interesting was when Hendrix, the mc, gets pushed down into what’s probably his lowest point. He gets humiliated, then the guy who beats him up even r*pes the girl he’s interested in. But, he doesn’t do anything. He’s complacent in it. He let’s it happen. Up until this point, all the moments of his life in this movie is filled with the sound of Hendrix’s rapping. Whether it’s out loud with his friends or just in his mind. There are specific places that the audience gets used to hearing him rap or listen to music in.

But, after his experience as a bystander to the SA of his crush, these places fade into the bg and become silent. He can’t just escape into music anymore.

There’s so much more I could say about it, about how despite the hopeful buildup for Hendrix’s character, he is tragically weighed down by his circumstances. I would also love to go into all of the shots and the color grading of the film but I can’t really verbalize my feelings on it rn and also I’m really eepy so I won’t

Honestly I don’t really have any issues with the movie? 9.5/10 took .5 away just because its not personally a movie i’d love rewatching over and over, but it’s def one I would revisit in my mind.