#i thought hed be mean BUT HES SO KIND??? i love him dearly

[fatuismooches]

Alright I know I'm only supposed to talk about the Harbingers on here,,, but I really can't get this little thing out of my head so please indulge me 🤲

Breaking up with Neuvillette (angsty I know but hear me out). Due to his important position, he has a large workload and you often don't see him, resulting in you feeling lonely. Not to mention he's bad at showing emotion and his face kind of has the same expression all the time which makes you uncertain if he even enjoys your presence at all. Along with some other things, you just feel uncared for and think that he doesn't love you (which is absolutely not the truth) and ultimately break up with him. And it just gets you more upset when he doesn't even seem to react that much!

But right after you leave, it starts to... rain. For some bizarre reason. It usually only rained during trials. So why was it raining now? But you soon lose interest, after all, it doesn't concern you. But the weather remains horribly murky and gloomy for the rest of the week. A lot of people wonder why, the old story of the Hydro Dragon being sad popping up here and there, but no one could ever know for sure. Little did you know you were the cause of this rain. And you had no idea how much your ex was hurting now.

SO basically just angst to fluff hurt/comfort mutual pining as the two of you want each other back so badly but literally cannot hold a whole conversation anymore since you're still bitter about the whole thing while he's trying to be respectful as possible (his heart is breaking every time you refuse to look at him and the weather goes to shit five minutes later)

OH but the Melusines love Neuvillette so they automatically love you a lot too, they think you two are the perfect couple! So you can't just go and break their hearts about the breakup! This leads to you having to still act like a couple every now and then with Neuvillette in front of them so as to not raise suspicion which is the hardest thing you've ever done.

[livepoultryfreshkilled]

okay my dissertation on the perhaps edward we really are made for eachother scene. so the thing is. it's not a romantic statement. bringing up romance is an incitement between the two of them, it's what drove them apart, it's what keeps fucking up ed's life and it's something oswald will never have. when oswald first fell in love with ed they were two different people, and they were younger, and they saw each other differently. they saw each other LESS. oswald's original love for ed was idealistic and unrealistic and i think in a way he knew that, but he had no other gauge for love. his mother literally said "life gives you one true love, oswald; when you find it, run to it." which can be dissected in SO many ways: first, his MOM said it, someone who he idolizes and misses so dearly. he believes nearly everything she tells him, and after her death he romanticizes her even more. the statement itself is a fantasy, the "true love" sentiment echoes fairy tales and movies, which are probably oswald's only experience with romantic love. and finally, she is referring to the love as "it," a thing, the love and the one who is loved are separate. oswald was head over heels for a man who had only ever been kind to him, so he didn't know what he was getting into. and ED had literally the first and best and only friend hed ever had, and ed also historically sees falling in love with someone as in some ways objectifying them and also adding a degree of separation: you lie to them to hide it, they hold the power of rejection over your head. besides just betraying him by killing isabella (which was more about the fact that it was OSWALD than it was about her--that was his best friend, that was someone he trusted more than anything, and he took something from him for selfish purposes) oswald betrayed him by falling in love with him. he also became an entirely different person when ed tried to get him to reveal his true selfish nature by making him choose his own life or ed's (who ALREADY TRIED TO KILL HIM) and CHOOSING ED. which he literally didnt understand or know how to respond to, and that change was a betrayal in itself because it meant he couldnt put oswald into the box of friend or foe, he was something he didn't understand, and ed hates that. on oswald's side, he proved to ed that he did truly love him, which he believed exonerated him for killing isabella because it is something that is just. insane. and ed killed him anyways and said he didnt love him and the man he thought was different from the Them (oswald's perpetual foe, those who other him) wasn't. and the worst thing is that he still loves him. and ed always held that over him & resented him for it & oswald resented him back. the romantic love between them is one of the worst things that has ever happened to either of them (in their opinions), it is the largest rift between them & it is what made both of them lose the best friend (& only real one) theyd ever had. they lost the comfortableness they had, the normalcy and the warmth, they were constantly at odds. SO TO MAKE THIS JOKE AT BOTH OF THEIR EXPENSES ABOUT SUCH A VOLATILE THING TRULY MEANS THEY ARE FRIENDS AGAIN! oswald finally apologized for what ACTUALLY broke eds heart--ruining their friendship--and ed finally forgave him & looked at him like he was his friend again. god. jesus

[dicksoutformtl]

me and prosciutto would be really good friends i think— like I mean me not a glorified version I make for these kinds thoughts.

I imagine it’d be like the friendship I have with my friend peggy, we would sor around his gramophone with music of old playing in the background and we talk for hours an hours. Next thing we know it’s like 4am and I should really go home but he would, depending if where living in an apartment complex he’d watch me from his balcony making sure I get home.

or he’d walk me home and we’d share a smoke, he would get annoyed with me because it’s kinda windy and I can’t get my cigarette to stay lit so he’ll take it from me and hand me his already lit one. Hed probably give me a light tap at the back of my head, y’know when your being a goof and your grandma would give you a little tap?

This would always be a reoccurring thing we’d sit on his balcony a lot to having smoke breaks and I’d tell him my little insecurities or worried about mundane things. Hed shake his head hold my cheeks in hand while reprimanding me like “ salem, I have personally watched you grow and accomplish so much here in an unknown country, things you told me you cannot do nor figure out.. but look at you now you did them!” Or something like that hed go on for awhile before hed do the little head bump he doesn’t with Pesci.

I would tell him he’s right as he always is with a mock pout cause damn does he have to know everything. I would also return the favor as friendship is never one sided or over balanced. He doesn’t need pep talks though I’d feel the longer we’re friends he would open up to me about things in his life, the good and the bad. There may be one night where he’s just completely distraught hair a mess he may or may not be crying.

He doesn’t want his teammates/friends to see him like this so he’d call me up, he won’t really saying anything other then “ salem I need you.” I can tell what’s wrong but of course I’ll hurry my way over to his apartment/house. He would ask me to hold him while he’s half curled leaning against the house, I will and I will hold him tight. We don’t talk nor do we move for what feels like hours, he’ll have calmed down by now we’d talk as if this hasn’t happened. I’ve learned not to press these with prosciutto so I’ll go along with it confused.

I would get a call the next night and he’ll thank me for not leaving him alone or talking to much just simply holding him while he worked through his thing. He may or may not share it and I’m ok with that. I tel him it’s ok he’s my friend and I’d do anything for him. Which is true I love friends dearly and if I’m treated right I’ll give it back 10 fold.

I can absolutely ramble on about this but I’ll stop for now I’m getting kinda of a weird homesickness of sorr for this lmao

[red-velvet-roman]

🌟

Bianca is and always will be one of his beloved. He loved her as a mortal for her strength of character and brightness of her humanity, and his affections only grew when she helped keep his Amadeo alive for him to arrive in time to give him the Blood. I do not think he would have turned her without the tragedy caused by Santino. He wanted her to enjoy her mortal life to the fullest, as, he felt back then, it should be. To him letting her stay mortal was an act of love in itself, as well as a nessecary move as to not create too many of their kind. When he did turn her, because he needed her help to save himself and the Parents, he stayed with her for I believe a couple hundred years, guiding and loving her. I agree with another Marius players assessment that he didnt mean what he said to Pandora. They were the actions and words of a man desperate to hold on to a loved one hed thought lost, especially after he had lost so many dear to him. He wasnt thinking straight, or following his thoughts past the here and now of it all. And they cost him dearly. I think he regrets the pain he caused her, and though he has suspicions over uncertain note, part of him knows he has no right to blame her, so he will never speak of it.

[alteriius]

With Great Patience

FANDOM: Final Fantasy XV PAIRING: Prompto/Ignis WORD COUNT: 1,340 LINKS: AO3 | PF | KOFI 

SUMMARY: “Nonsense. You stopped Noct from complaining this afternoon about the veggies I snuck into our meals the night before.”

“Dude, I shot him.”

“I'm waiting for the right moment.”

It's a bullocks excuse and they’re both painfully aware of that fact. Only one person had remained oblivious to his affections and that was the man in question—and this road trip was doing him few favors where hiding it was concerned.

Much of the fault for that lie with Gladio and Noct, both of whom had evidently commissioned themselves to force a confession out of him. But their determination wouldn’t sway him. It couldn’t. Admitting to his unrequited crush wasn’t high on his list of priorities nor should it be on anyone else’s, especially considering what this journey was about.

“Specs, we've been counting. You've had at least three chances to say something.”

“Must you exaggerate?”

“Hell yeah, if it gets you to talk to him.”

Ignis can't help but roll his eyes at the prince’s antics, though the fault lie with him for not foreseeing this. After all, Prompto was Noctis’s best friend; it was only natural that he would try and persuade him to tell Prompto. Ignis couldn’t confidently say why he pushed so hard or what had possessed Gladio to join him, as he wasn’t arrogant enough to assume that Prompto felt the same, based on the actions of others.

“We talk daily, thank you very much,” Ignis says, though the half-hearted glare tells him what he already knew: That's not what Noct was referring to. He wasn’t referring to asking him what he wanted for dinner; he didn’t mean taking a moment to remind Prompto to take his medication or whipping him up something when he’d forgotten. “I know what you mean, Noct, but I think it's a touch inappropriate to—”

“Woah, I heard my name, what's up?”

“Iggy’s talking about you behind your back,” Noctis says, gesturing towards him with a lazy wave and his eyebrows arch upwards as he watches Prompto’s mouth fall open in what can only be described as mock offence, touching a hand to his chest with a familiar over dramatic flare.

“I beg your pardon, I did no such thing.”

“Then why, Igncmuffin, did I hear my name?” Prompto asks and it takes him a moment—just a single, unfortunate moment—before he realizes what Prompto’s referring to. Gods, this is the man he so dearly loves, that he loves for reasons too numerous to count, that he adores for things exactly like this. “I heard you, dude, don't lie. Unless you know someone more inappropriate than me.”

“Maybe he does,” Noctis suggests, but he can tell they're toying with him, playing a game not unlike monkey in the middle that makes him wonder for a brief moment if Prompto wasn’t privy to the intentions of Gladiolus and Noctis.

That was impossible, wasn’t it? He’d hid it rather well, hadn’t he?

“Sounds fake, dude. Nobody knows how to kill a mood better than me.”

Kill a mood, Prompto says, as if that weren't as far from the truth as possible. He's never known Prompto to do anything but set alight the room like he carries the sun on his back wherever he goes.

“So what's up?” Prompto says, turning his attention to him while wearing a smile that's frustrating in its beauty—a beauty that Prompto so often refuses to see. Astrals, how many times has he fought off the urge to emphasize that Prompto’s opinion of himself is factually incorrect by all standards?

“I… was just wondering if you'd like green soup curry tonight.”

It’s a poor distraction, if he’s ever been made to make one—and he’s fashioned plenty for the sole purpose of drawing attention away from his inappropriate interest in Prompto. Ignis sees Noctis’s displeasure in the way his head falls back, eyes settling on the ceiling as a quiet curse leaves his lips.

That's to be expected. Ignis would be frustrated, too, were their roles reversed.

“Oh, dude, really? You gotta ask?” Prompto says, laughter on his lips that eases the tension in Ignis’s shoulders, even if there was an edge of suspicion in his voice. Something about the mere sound of it is calming and leaves a ghost of a smile on his face as he pushes his glasses up further on his nose.

“I never know when you might get something of a wild hair.”

“Hell yeah I want green soup curry, but, uh, what did I do to get my favorite dish? Gotta know so I can do it more often.”

The subtle upward tilt of his lips becomes more apparent, smile widening at Prompto’s incorrect assumption that he needed any kind of reason to spoil him with a meal he loved. In all honesty, he was being a touch biased, but there was nothing new about that.

“Not at all. It’s simply your turn,” Ignis says, though it’s an obvious lie that he can only pray that Prompto won’t catch, that the constant threat of peril during the day would distract him long enough to forget that they’d had Noctis’s favorite meal last night. Tonight was supposed to be his pick—and his pick was, more often than not, to lavish Prompto in the only way he feasibly could, given their situation.

“Seriously? Already? I thought tonight was your night?” Blast.

Ignis doesn’t miss the way Noct’s scowl morphs into a smirk and it’s a self-imposed challenge to not scold him for it in front of the others. It would certainly be his undoing, if he chose to. While Prompto played the part of a fool rather well, he was far above what little most gave him credit and he was certain to put two and two together if he acted out.

Of course, that was assuming he didn’t already know.

That leaves him with precious few options and he’s forced to embrace the one he absolutely wishes he didn’t have to: He has to tell the truth.

“As it stands, Prompto,” he says, licking dry lips and feeling as though his face were burning with color from the intensity of Prompto’s gaze. “I’d much rather you enjoy your favorite.”

Violet blue eyes shift away from Ignis, searching the ground for a moment as if there were something of note in the rock beneath their feet besides markings they couldn’t make heads or tails of.

“Oh, um…” he starts, glancing up to match Ignis’s gaze, to flash a smile that extends from ear to ear with freckles hidden beneath the familiar bright red dusting of embarrassment. “Thanks, Iggy… Don’t think I did anything to earn it, but…”

“Nonsense. You stopped Noct from complaining this afternoon about the veggies I snuck into our meals the night before.”

There's a laugh that chimes like bells in the open air and it leaves Ignis’s heart feeling so full that he was reminded of the long held hope that his feelings weren’t as unrequited as he tried to convince himself they were.

“Dude, I shot him.”

This time, it’s Noct’s head that shoots up, mouth falling open as his eyebrows shoot up to hide behind his bangs as he glances between the both of them. When his eyes settle on Prompto, he says, “You said that was an MT!”

“Correction: Gladio made that claim. We simply decided to keep our mouths shut. The needs of the many, Your Highness.”

Noctis almost looks cross the minute the words are out of his mouth. He’s almost glaring at Prompto in a way that Ignis knows will give away the minute Prompto flashes one of his familiar grins at him—ah, yes, there it is now.

Laughter fills the air as Noctis wrestles Prompto to the ground, to tickle him into submission for this act of treason. Later, he would no doubt find a more appropriate way to demand an apology for the friendly fire, but on this fine evening, Ignis was simply glad that Noctis had found offence in this revelation.

If nothing else, it meant he got away from telling Prompto how he felt.

At least for the moment.

[poor-mental-health-who]

sometimes i cant tell if my dad loves me truly and completely or not.

sometimes im so sure he loves me with his whole being, more than anything else in the world.

but then like, shit happens.

almost a whole month ago, i kinda left his place after he pissed me off for like, the last time

he was tolerant at first, but then like

two weeks in, he got all mad and said hed call the police and forcefully bring me back

mom told him that she checked and the police couldnt do that, and they called for a mediator, who he's gonna have to call if he wants me back

he said he was never gonna change, because im the one in the wrong, and he said he was never gonna talk to a damn mediator

and then he moved on to threaten abandoning me if i didnt return

shit like 'well (they) better come back and come get (their) cats and shit or else ill be selling it and renting out (their) room' and the like

so the cats from my dads are at moms now. theyre getting adjusted.

honestly i feel like shit. im terrified bc idk whats gonna happen next between the two of us.

is he gonna retract his statement or is he gonna stick by what he said? am i really gonna have to live at moms full time now? how am i gonna figure out how to live without my dad around?

and honestly my biggest fear is like

since day one, my dad's done nothing but make me second guess my actions. he's made me feel stupid, lazy, and irresponsible.

hes been teaching me from day one that without him giving me orders and commands, im clueless and useless. ive grown so reliant on him on this point, i dont know how to do things by myself.

i mean, i guess i do. i know how to, i have all the knowledge thats required. but idk. without him to give the order, i dont do anything. without him as a looming threat, i do nothing.

i dont know how to do things by myself. i dont know how to do things without some kind of threat or danger over me. yknow?

if hes gone from my life, ive lost my fucking dad. someone i love very dearly, someone who raised me and protected me for so many years.

if hes gone from my life, im nothing.

and i know,,,,, i know that that's not true but like,,,,, i dont know anything else. yknow?

i dont know anything else. like at this point im so reliant on him, i dont know what to do without him. at this point, im so mentally fucked up, idk if i can even go anywhere meaningful with my life. i dont know if i can steer myself the right way. i dont know if ill be smart enough to make good choices without his 'always right' opinion. yknow??

anyway, sorry for the big rant, life kinda got very shitty and i need to put at least some of my main thoughts down

have a good day if youre able to, dear 💚💚

[plusultrachaos]

i sometimes wish id never been born at all

prompt: dan, one day, wishes hed never been born. he is then visited by a "ghost" (another youtuber) who shows dan everybodys lives if he was never born. dan doesnt believe that anything is worse off until they show phils life which is simply a gravestone.

A/N: i did change somethings from the prompt. i also envisioned the prompt as something similar to the Scrooge.

word count: 2113

genre: angst and if you squint fluff

tw: there are mentions and a viewing of two suicides (the viewing is against dans will  and is only on one of two suicides) there are mentions of depression and bullying. if this is something that could trigger, harm, or cause you pain of any kind, i recommend not reading this oneshot.

________________

its one of dans bad days. its one of the bad days where hes trying to be social, at least talk to phil some, maybe a bit of action on social media, before his inevitable departure from society and hopefully his own exsistance for a little while.

while hes browsing on said social media, he feels phil leaning toward him and picking something from under dans eye, pulling his hand away to reveal a small, thick eyelash.

"howd you even notice that, phil?" his voice was soft, fond, and holding no surprise at phils ability to notice the little details.

"make a wish and i might tell you." phil wore a teasing smile as he failed to wink, the corners of his mouth crinkling, showing the smile wrinkles that had developed as the years of their friendship passed.

'i wish i were never born' was the wish dan had made, he wanted to go hide away, hide the wish hed made in his brain to echo there for hours. everybodys lives would be better, easier, if he hadnt been born in the first place, all the haters wouldnt have to hate him in the first place. phil would probably be further in life. his family wouldnt have him as a disappointment.

"i have to go to my room." he looked at phil, whos face was still in  sort of close proximity to his own face. he didnt say why, or what he was going to do once in there, but phil knew him well enough to understand why the younger man had been quiet the entirety of him being up and out of his room, why he hadnt laughed at a single funny thing that phil had shown him.

"okay. remember to drink water and come out of there when you need food, okay?" phils eyes held the usual, useless, concern that dan knew phil didnt actually feel. dan wasnt worth the concern and he definitely did not deserve the concern or a friend like phil at all.

he nodded, knowing that if phil didnt actually see dan out of the room to get food or water, hed personally bring the food and drink to dan. dan got up and numbly left the lounge for his room. he left his laptop there, knowing he wouldnt need it the next few days or so.

he collapsed on his bed, his thoughts going on about him being worthless and a disappointment, along with other degrading things. he turned his phone off, setting it on his nightstand. he curled up into a ball and became even more numb to the world. when he fell asleep? dan wouldnt have been able to tell you.

when dan woke up, it felt weird. it felt like what his lucid dreams used to feel like when  hed been a kid. he also didnt feel as he did when he assumed hed fallen asleep, furthuring the feeling of this being weird and unusual. well, those things, and the youtube god himself, pewdiepie, or felix as hed told dan and phil to call him when theyd met up in the past, standing at the end of dans bed.

"felix? why are you in my room?" he was slightly creeped out. he only ever really saw felix at youtube events anymore, and even then, it wasnt much.

"i know who this felix person is, but i am not him. i am the ghost of youtubers past." felix, or rather the ghost, said, the voice was eerily similar to felix' and it creeped dan out further. "recently, youve wished for something along the lines of never being born at all, am i correct to say this?"

"yeah, but hold up, why in bloody hell are you in my -me and phils- flat? howd you even get in?" dan looked confused, he was staying as far as he possibly could be from felix, or the ghost or whatever the fuck it was, which meant he was huddled against the headboard of his bed. "what has my stupid eyelash wish have got to do with any of this?"

"daniel, im here to show you how your friends and family would have really been if you hadnt been born. you see, your thoughts after the wish, about everybody being better off without you, were mostly wrong. your family, that thought, was the only one that was partially correct. yes, if they didnt have you as their son, all of the things that you think they think of you would disappear, but they would have still had two children. your grandma wouldve been just as close with them as she was to you." then suddenly, at the end of the ghosts words, dans room transformed, his fairylights  and comfortable bed morphing into something else. all dan could do was watch.

his surroundings had changed into a huge decorated and lit up christmas tree with wrapped gifts underneath. there were two children, a teenaged girl and a younger boy, perhaps a toddler, pulling at a christmas cracker. when the young boy ended up getting the bigger end of the game, the older sister said "happy christmas!" with fondness that made dans heart ache. the siblings looked close, and happy. happier than dan and his younger brother had been at those ages.  it made dan long for that kind of relationship with the lad. it also brought a bitter taste and thoughts to dan. the girl, for obvious reasons, wasnt dan. their mannerisms very  different, her smile lacking a dimple.

"yazzy, go help your mum in the kitchen." an old woman, that dan immediately recognized as his (or rather not his) grandma, walked in to the room. he hadnt visited the kind, aging woman in years, and seeing this made him feel guilty.

he turned to the ghost, tears forming and wetting his eyes. "can we leave? i already knew i was insignificant in their lives." he said this, his voice small as he looked away from the scene playing out before him. the ghost nodded and then they were in a different location once again.

it was his friend, louises current home. but it was empty, no baby toys or anything in the flat hed gotten used to being busy.

"louises success mightve been all her, but you helped in the process, being there when she needed a friend. she didnt have darcy because she never met her partner." the ghost said this with a grim look. dan looked around, sad eyes gazing everywhere. it was then he realized he hadnt rung up louise in weeks.

"fuck..." was dans whispered response to the situation.

the location faded again, taking them to a park. pj sat on the bench in front of dan and the ghost. he was talking to people that dan didnt recognize. "pj and chris never became a couple because you werent there to help them realize their feelings for each other." dan looked down at the ghosts words. they stung, knowing his friends hadnt gotten together just because dan hadnt been born.

" and chris? what would his fate have been if id never been around?" the ghost pointed at a man walking behind them, talking on the phone. he didnt spare pj a single look.

"without your constant encouragement, he dropped youtube. he got an office job and quickly climbed the ranks." the words sounded sad.

the location changed yet again, to a sight he never wanted to see again. they were in an unfamiliar bedroom, it was dark and there was an even darker silhouette hanging from a ceiling fan. dan feared the worst. the sight of it made dan want to curl into a ball. there was pounding on the closed door.

dan watched in silence, mouth open in a silent cry as the parents of the silhouette opened the door. the mother fell into the fathers arms, crying loudly. the father was frozen, terror shining in his eyes as he took in the sight of the cold and lifeless body. the  room faded into a plain, white room that had no soothing qualities to dan.

"that was ben. in a world with you in it, he would have found the courage to come out as a transmale and gay. without you, he never learned of his parents acceptance. he wouldve committed suicide if not for your videos." the ghost said this softly, its eyes sad. "this is the sad reality of the fans. some are not in good situations and so they turn to youtube for an escape. without your videos, a lot of fans dont have that escape." dans face grew even more sad as he realized that had been the same reality that he had faced before becoming a youtuber.

"and phil? what would have happened to him?" this question had been on his mind the entire time they had been in this weird dreamland. the ghosts already sad face saddened even more and the scenery changed once again.

dan looked confused as his eyes wondered around the area. they were in a graveyard in the middle of the day. except dan couldnt see any services being held that phil wouldve attended.

"where is he? why are we in a graveyard?" his questions were frantic as he continued searching for the wonderous blue-yellow-green eyes and the dyed black hair of his best friend. then his gaze landed on the gravestone of the grave they were in front of. he dropped to his knees, his face blank as he read the stone.

Here lies

Philip Michael Lester

January 30th, 1987-June 22nd, 2012

He was loved dearly by fans, friends, and family.

"phil didnt have a number one fan to skype him to take his mind off his problems, to correct him when he thought of how weird he was and how weird everybody was bound to think of him."

"unique. phil is unique, not weird." dan corrected without hesitation.

"that is what i mean when i say that. he didnt have somebody to do that when youtube comments started telling him he was weird. he didnt have someone to be an iconic duo with. he killed himself when it all got to be too much." the ghost went quiet after telling that to dan, most likely letting the man grieve his best friend.

dan had started sobbing loudly. "n...no no no. take me home, this cant be real, this is not real." he whimpered, his eyes were screwed shut as he sobbed over the possibility of his optimistic, cheery best friend taking his life. he missed the transformation of the landscape, still sobbing loudly by the time hed been back in the comfort of his bedroom.

the ghost was no longer there and there was loud knocking. and to dans relief, phil called out his name with concern that dan was now certain was genuine. phil came in, rushing to the side of the monochrome bed to take the brown haired crying man into his arms. he knew better than to ask what was wrong right away, so he just held him.

"phil, promise me you wont believe people when they say hateful things toward you?" he asked this in a panicked rush, his words stuttered as he looked with terrified eyes at phil.

" i promise." phil held dan close, the sound of his heartbeat tethering dan to reality.

"i had a dream." dan proceeded to tell phil about what hed wished and then about the dream he had afterward. when he was done, phil held him. dan was still crying, but it had subsided a lot with the knowledge of phil being alive. "im sorry, phil. i know i shouldnt have wished for something so morbid and sad, but it was before an episode and i cant control my thoughts during those." he cuddled to phils chest, sniffling.

" dan, you know i love you. you know im always going to be here to support and comfort you." phils voice was soft and supportive, deep unlike what the viewers usually heard. "you dont have to apologize at all for the way your brain works, just like i dont. im glad you realized that that wasnt real, but i dont want you thinking that i wouldve been better off without you because i wouldnt be as far as i am today if i didnt have you by my side. dont ever tell yourself otherwise." he smiled his amazing smile that was saved just for dan.

dan leaned into phils chest, breathing in the comforting scent.   he sighed as he realized that life would be better with him and phil still alive.

____________________

i did end up mentioning dans family, but i only did briefly dont hate me.

[lielisstrange-blog]

I came in with a storm 2182002 straight from the gods to a hospital in Maryville Tennessee

My existance called for change, leaving the couple im told to know as mother and father to divorce

I was put in a family of a brother and a sister and on one side i had mor cousins than i could count and the other seemed to be the ones who brought me here , with so many similarities with me

Growing up i was always smiling despite the constant aruging, verbal abuse, and later on physical abuse. I smiled becouse ,be it the gods, something told me id be just fine, that its all to change soon.

I was right.

Now ages 0-2 where pretty blurry

But from what i remember of 3-6

I met new siblings called step siblings and met this woman suppose to be a step mom. I didnt like them right away, i didnt really know why. But i treated them kindly likely becouse someone mentioned in a movie you should treat others how you liked to be treated. Now at this point i spent all my years in this big house doung whatever i wanted, i knew whats up and in this big house i was a bug but i was the king bee. No one ever stepped on my toes.

Now i didnt have much toys so i used my hands, i named them bith friends.

Which was kinda sad but they provided lots of entertainment when i was bored un school . I also spent my days watching drake and josh,icarly, and basically a bunch of nick and cartoon network shows from the 90s to early 2000s. One night i remember the mother coming to the house to sleep in the gym room. I had told her and my aunt that id sleep with them that night so i kept going back and forth rooms, aunts to the left,the other yo the right. At one point i got sick of it and sat in the middle of the hall looking out the door up the stairs directly obove me. I don't think i ever chose. I remmember mamaw worked for a jewlery company and we attended a christmas ball thing once, thus i descovored i loved christmas

Until around age 5, i realised i didn't care about school, loved christmas, felt lonely on Halloween and that everyone around me wasnt like me. Or perhaps i wasn't like them,,around that age someone who was suppose to be a cousin had me do some griss things with him. When we where cought with him on top of me, we where sat in the courner. Thats all that was done about it. Now ive always been very asexual, so i saw the act as a performance of sorts and truly didnt care as it ended shortly after. Until i was kicked off my thrown and moved out with the step siblings and that father. I was treated unfairly but found it hard to care. The step brother about two years older than me started demanding im to kiss him which i thought was gross. But he said if i didnt, hed tell on me. Given he was the favorite and had actual pull in the house i had no choice but to comply. Which i didnt but hed make me. At this time id go to the mothers house every other weekend to see my sister, eat pizza, and watch 90s cartoons or Madagascar. I swear i memorized that movie. Now the kissing eacalated through out the years into worse and worse things. But i honestly never put much thought in it. I was unattached from each side of the family already so i didnt care. My memory of these years are blurry due to repression. Not the kind youd think though.

See a memory that came back to me i was about age 7. I went outside in a fit and as i walked the wind seemed to kick up and i raised my hands at the side of me slowly making it kick more. I stud on a stump and remeber making a leaf tornado. I was very happy with my work. But at these times i was being told magic was evil from the mother. I figured it was magic, got off of the stump and stomped inside.

From 7-9 i descovored more abilities almost yearly. I noticed id think of a shows episode or a line in the episode and no matter what id see that exact scene the day of or week after. It happened all the time. Id also be sitting in the car on hot days wanting a drink but knowing enough that they'd never stop for drinks. Id think this or a specific question about a person ir thing and some out, like my brain would go silent fir a moment. Then right after, one of the people in the front seat would ask that question, anwser it,or announce we're stopping for drinks.This happend so often that i assumed they had mind reading powers,i even asked them. They always said no thiugh.Another one seemed to be just magic ,like id want something to happen and the moment im not thinking about it, it just happens. Which sounds amazing but keep in mind i was trying to repress these abilities as much as i could along with memories of them so itd build up. Like when you're young and mad you might think about wanting something bad to happen to somone whoes mean to you. Now with this ability if you wanted it, just for a second, its long enough to do damage. Which,wasnt fun. Also one day i had a watch and said out loud that id descovor time... perhaps i have a time ability. I forgot to mention, when you try to repress things like this, you get KILLER headaches all the time. Like yiu cant run or jump or talk loud without feeling like your head was going to expload. I also made killer storms when angry. And i was always angry. But my abilities are fight or flight activated so itd never hurt me. Sometimes id black out and look off in a direction and use one of my powers. Like i couldn't control it, it had to get out. One time i was in a car, got angry, abd looked out a window,my mind went silent as i looked at a truck that was suppose to stop at a red light then looked at the tip of our car slowly until i was blasted back to reality as the truck hit our car. We span to the middle of the road, the two people in the frount seat crying and screeming as i sat their completely untouched with a shocked look on my face.

I remember the mother teaching the brother hiw to ride a bike,she didnt have time to teach me as well so i looked at what they where doing, hopped on my bike and flew down the hill. Now i didnt exactly know how to stop it so i mightve went down the hill straight into a tree. However, i got back up laughing my ass off and learned those little grippy things on the handles can stop the bike when needed. I then knew how to ride the bike and went flying down the hill again.

Now from 8-10 ish we lived in a house on a hill with a creek at the bottom and a church to the side. I spent those years unallowed to get on the internet, loving tv, trying to gather enough food to actually eat, saving pinnies to get 15cent candy and ever ran a little store to cell old toys. We also had an old schoolhouse in our backyeard and woods to play in, which i did often. It genuinely felt like i was growing up in a different time period as i hunted for crawdads and heard the rasist or homophobic rants from the father and step mother.

Now from about 8-11 i was shown back to the future, doctor who, and the joy of mac and cheese by my sister. The 9th doctor was my first him id seen, and i loved him and the show. Because up until this point id felt alone but he made me feel completely not alone. I also descovored i wanted to be a scientist, not even really knowing what that is yet. The gross things stopped for the most part. Also i picked up a camera phone for the first time making a video where i killed a stick and even crushed a berry to make it look of blood.

I thought it was so badass. At this point id visit the mothers house everyother weekend and sometimes go to mamaws every other other weekend. Mammaws being where my thrown originally was, although they moved to this town called oak ridge. Now i loved oak ridge. It was the original time bomb town. Ive also always had a weirdly strong connection to albert enstine whom was there. I swaer i genuinely was Nikola Tesla in a past life, he was an asexual scientist with cool hair and pure sass. The mother also moved to oak ridge. Her house had a tierswing made by my sister. I loved it there, it was a perfect time capsule until one night. We had just got there and i was playing with my binderoos as my sister was started getting yelled at by the mother. She was screaming, i think my sister threw a party or something. Then my sister got up just kinda talking her points out as the mother yelled and yelled then my sister started yelling. Then out if nowhere the one we've been calling mother, we'll now call "T" , slaped the glasses off of my sister. My sister looked shocked then left the house as T screamed. Now everytime id go over to her house shed make it seem like she was the good one, like he was evil. At this moment i knew for sure, neither of them where the good guys. So i grabbed my sisters glasses and fixed them with my bendaroos. What makes it worse is that my sister came to her house after being abused at mamaws. She knew that and still hurt my sister.

I never stopped smiling. I always knew itd get better.

Age 12 , the step brother sent false claims about my sister, leaving it to wear we couldn't see her for months that felt like years

She tought me that no one could tell me i wasnt what i wanted to be, even if it was a ninja . She tought me to fight ,how to get out of trouble, and told me stories of her stealing at my age. I only ever stole food or tiny things as we rarely had any

And now people at mamaws started ordering me around more , getting meaner , or perhaps they where always mean i just didnt care enough to catch it

I also watched harry potter for the first time and related very VERY much.

2012

We left that house with the creek and that step mother and where off to live at mamaws

Which i loved dearly as ut was the only place i was allowed to exist with out being hit or pushed or screamed at and i could go online

I descovored i love 50s music and shane dawson

I also started going to the elementary school across the street. Now with schools over the years, at first i just didnt care because it was easy and boreing, then it began where i couldnt pay attention as hard as i tried. Id look at a book and have a whole movie in my head playing about a magic book or something where ozzy Osborne came to my school to sing crazy train and hug me ...which i thought about a lot. Then the teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but it was never on perpous id just check out.i also had a habbit of always having teachers who hated me like one time in like first grade a teacher said i was in trouble and moved my car back (which was a paper car on a paper road that youd get rewarded for if you got far or punished if you got taken back). When she did that, i made it obvious that i gave no shits by sitting and saying nothing as she yelled. Hen she moved it firther back when seeing no reaction from me. Then further. Then straight up just called the father who we'll now call V. To another teacher who lout laud to the class said her dog writes neater than i.So my grades where never too good

From 2012-2014

Every morning for school at mamaws id get a little coffee, watch a little of the morning news, then head off

Every night i could, id watch boondocs or family guy with my little cousin who was basically my little brother at this point and drink some chocolate milk

Every other week, i think, we'd get our allowance and go to the same walmart on fridays to spend it

It was the most like a family sitch i think id ever had

I remember my first day of middle school, and listening to "makes me happy" by drake bell on the bus, even coming back to do homework and eat butterscotch chips for cookies

That being said after being there until middle school me and the other brother was taken by V to see his new house

I didnt want to go nor stay and i made that very clear. Something seemed,,off.

Then sure enough on the way there v told us he got back with the step mother we'll call the L (hehe)

And that they're now renting the house we're going to together

It was hell, i had to share a room with that step sister , it was back to rarely having enough to eat, virbal abuse, and general bullshit all the time

On top of that, because in oak ridge the age for middle school was one year below the requirement for this new town , i was sent back to an elementary school