#i am repeatedly told i have an old kind soul and i feel like wed bond over the older finer things in life yknow

[dicksoutformtl]

me and prosciutto would be really good friends i think— like I mean me not a glorified version I make for these kinds thoughts.

I imagine it’d be like the friendship I have with my friend peggy, we would sor around his gramophone with music of old playing in the background and we talk for hours an hours. Next thing we know it’s like 4am and I should really go home but he would, depending if where living in an apartment complex he’d watch me from his balcony making sure I get home.

or he’d walk me home and we’d share a smoke, he would get annoyed with me because it’s kinda windy and I can’t get my cigarette to stay lit so he’ll take it from me and hand me his already lit one. Hed probably give me a light tap at the back of my head, y’know when your being a goof and your grandma would give you a little tap?

This would always be a reoccurring thing we’d sit on his balcony a lot to having smoke breaks and I’d tell him my little insecurities or worried about mundane things. Hed shake his head hold my cheeks in hand while reprimanding me like “ salem, I have personally watched you grow and accomplish so much here in an unknown country, things you told me you cannot do nor figure out.. but look at you now you did them!” Or something like that hed go on for awhile before hed do the little head bump he doesn’t with Pesci.

I would tell him he’s right as he always is with a mock pout cause damn does he have to know everything. I would also return the favor as friendship is never one sided or over balanced. He doesn’t need pep talks though I’d feel the longer we’re friends he would open up to me about things in his life, the good and the bad. There may be one night where he’s just completely distraught hair a mess he may or may not be crying.

He doesn’t want his teammates/friends to see him like this so he’d call me up, he won’t really saying anything other then “ salem I need you.” I can tell what’s wrong but of course I’ll hurry my way over to his apartment/house. He would ask me to hold him while he’s half curled leaning against the house, I will and I will hold him tight. We don’t talk nor do we move for what feels like hours, he’ll have calmed down by now we’d talk as if this hasn’t happened. I’ve learned not to press these with prosciutto so I’ll go along with it confused.

I would get a call the next night and he’ll thank me for not leaving him alone or talking to much just simply holding him while he worked through his thing. He may or may not share it and I’m ok with that. I tel him it’s ok he’s my friend and I’d do anything for him. Which is true I love friends dearly and if I’m treated right I’ll give it back 10 fold.

I can absolutely ramble on about this but I’ll stop for now I’m getting kinda of a weird homesickness of sorr for this lmao

[translations-by-aiimee]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun - Chapter 22

Original Title:  二哈和他的白猫师尊

Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 22 - This Venerable One's Shizun is Getting Angry

When Chu Wanning heard this, he was so angry that he could barely keep himself from retracting Tianwen and slashing the Chen couple. But he couldn't open his eyes to confront them. Once he opened his eyes, the barrier would be broken. The Return to Truth barrier could only trap a ghost once. If his interrogation was interrupted, he wouldn't be able to listen to any more of Luo Xianxian's story.

All he could do was contain his overwhelming rage and continue listening to Luo Xianxian.

After she died, her soul entered the underworld, unaware and confused.

The only thing that she could make out was a woman wearing red and green robes with facial features that resembled the Master of Ceremonies Ghost enshrined in a temple. The Master of Ceremonies Ghost stood in front of her and asked her in a soft voice: "You and Chen Bohuan couldn't share a bed in life. Would you like to share the same grave in death?"

She hurriedly agreed: "Yes. . . Yes please!"

"Then I can let him come join you right away. What do you think?"

Luo Xianxian wanted to blurt out a yes, rushing to agree, but suddenly remembered something and froze. "Am I dead?"

"Yes. I am the Master of the Underworld Ghost. I can give you the destiny you deserve and fulfill your long-cherished wish."

Luo Xianxian was startled: "Then, if he comes to join me, will he. . . also die?"

"Yes. However, if loves persists in the afterlife, life and death are irrelevant. What difference does it make?"

Chu Wanning heard this, he thought to himself that he had been right; this Master of Ceremonies Ghost would persuade others to make a wish so that she could reap the benefits. This immortal was truly diabolical.

Although Luo Xianxian died unjustly, she hadn't yet become a malevolent ghost, so she repeatedly shook his head: "No. It wasn't his fault. You can't kill him."

The Master of Ceremonies Ghost smiled compassionately: "And what did you get in return for this kindness?" It didn't force Luo Xianxian to do anything. As an immortal being, they could persuade someone to make a bad wish, but they couldn't force them. Its figure gradually faded away, its voice becoming hazier and hazier.

"Return to the world in seven days. During those seven days, go and see how the Chen family is faring. After that, I'll ask you again if you still have no regrets about your decision."

Seven days later, the day arrived.

Luo Xianxian's soul returned to a conscious form and returned to the world of the living.

Following the old road, she eagerly walked towards the Chen house to see her husband for the last time.

Unexpectedly, the Chen house was decorated with lights, and outside the courtyard, there were fireworks. Bridal flowers were decorating the halls. and a big "double happiness" banner was hanging in front of the main hall. Madam Chen was radiant, not appearing sickly in the slightest. She was smiling and instructing the servants to wrap the bouquets with red silk.

Who. . . was having a wedding?

Who. . . were the bride and groom?

Who. . . no one was engaged, what was going on?

Who. . .

She walked through the busy crowd, listening to the sound of people in the world of the living.

"Congratulations, Madam Chen. Your son is getting engaged to the daughter of the county magistrate. When's the wedding?"

"Madam Chen, you're so fortunate."

"Yao Qianjin is truly the lucky star of the Chen family and they aren't even official yet. Madam Chen, you look so much healthier already."

"Your son and Yao Qianjin are a match made in heaven. I'm so jealous, hahahaha."

Her son. . . Her son. . .

Which son?

Which one was marrying the daughter of the Yao family?

She shuttled back and forth across the familiar front yard, growing more and more frantic, looking for that familiar figure in the midst of all the laughter.

Then she found him.

In front of the peony flowers in the back hall, Chen Bohuan stood with his hands behind his back with a haggard face and sunken cheeks. However, he was dressed in red. Even though it wasn't a traditional wedding outfit, it was a Caidie Town custom. When a prospective son-in-law comes to propose marriage, he should wear this type of red gown.

Was he. . . going to propose. . .?

The decorations in the whole house, the strings of gold and silver beads, was it all. . . was it all from Chen Bohuan, her husband, as a dowry for the daughter of the Yao family?

She suddenly recalled the time when they got married.

There was nothing but two people that shared one heart - nothing else.

There was no master of ceremonies, no bridesmaids, and no dowry. The Chen family weren't wealthy at that time and didn't even own a decent set of jewelry. He went into the yard and picked a delicate orange blossom from under the orange tree they had planted together and carefully tucked it behind her ear.

She asked him: "Does it look good?"

He said it looked beautiful. After a moment of silence, he stroked her hair with some sadness and told her: "You deserve so much better than this."

Luo Xianxian smiled and pursed his lips, saying that it didn't matter.

Chen Bohuan told her that when he married her three years later, he would hold a lively wedding banquet. He would invite people from all over the world. He would have her make a grand entrance on a large sedan chair. He would give her gold and silver to wear, and the dowry gifts would fill the entire main hall.

Those vows still echoed in her ears. Now, all those promises have come true, the hall filled with gifts and guests.

He was getting married, just not to her.

A monstrous flame of anger and sorrow surged through her. Luo Xianxian screamed, trying to tear at the hanging red silk in the room.

But she was a ghost; she couldn't touch anything.

Chen Bohuan seemed to vaguely notice something. He turned around, staring at the silk moving despite there being no wind. His eyes were dull and hollow.

His little sister came over, a white jade hairpin clipped on the side of her bun. She didn't know who she was secretly mourning by wearing it.

She said: "Big brother, go to the kitchen to eat something. You haven't had a proper meal in days. You have to hurry up and go to the county magistrate's house later to propose. Your body won't hold up."

Chen Bohuan suddenly asked without thinking: "Sister, did you hear someone crying?"

". . . What? No, brother, I think you're still. . ." She gritted her teeth and didn't finish her thought. Chen Bohuan still stared at the fluttering silk sheets.

"How is my mother? Is she happy? Has her illness been cured?"

". . . Brother."

". . . I'm glad she's feeling better." Chen Bohuan stood there, muttering to himself. "I already lost Luo Xianxian, I couldn't live without my mother."

"Brother, go eat something. . ."

Luo Xianxian wailed. She yelled and bawled with her head in her hands.

Don't go. . . don't go. . . please don't go. . .

Chen Bohuan said: ". . . Alright."

The tired figure disappeared around the corner.

Luo Xianxian stood alone in a daze, large tears rolling down her face. Suddenly, she heard the brothers of the Chen family who killed her approaching. The second eldest brother and the younger brother were whispering to each other.

"Mother is finally happy. Finally, things are going our way."

"Right? She pretended to be sick for half and year. Now that that cursed bitch is gone, how could she not be thrilled?"

The younger brother tsked and said, "How come she died? We wanted to force her out, not kill her. Was she really so stupid that she couldn't even find someone to help her?"

"Who knows. She was weak, just like her rotten father. It's not our fault that she died. Even though mother pretended to be sick to get rid of her, our family has its own struggles. Think about it, when the options county magistrate’s daughter and some pauper girl, only a fool would choose the latter. Besides, even if Yao Qianjin is a brat, she's got enough money to go around."

"Yes, she's so dumb. She didn't want to live so she let herself freeze to death. No one could've saved her."

The words drifted to her ears.

After Luo Xianxian died, she finally understood the so-called "Divine Fate". She was completely broke and couldn't compare to the county magistrate's daughter who was so noble and honourable.

Only a fool would choose the pauper girl.

She finally snapped.

She returned to the Master of Ceremonies' temple full of hatred and resentment.

She died there. Unlike how weak and helpless she was when she died, she returned with overwhelming hostility.

She used to be such a kind person, but now, all the hatred and evil that had been built inside her while she was alive came flooding out. She roared, her eyes turning red, her soul trembling.

She said: "I, Luo Xianxian, would like to give up my soul and follow the path of wickedness. I only ask you to avenge me! I want the Chen family - I don't want you to kill them!!! I want. . . I want to let my beastly mother-in-law kill her sons by her own hand! All her sons!!! I want Chen Bohuan to go to hell with me!!! Let him be buried with me!!! Do it for me!!! I hate them! I hate them!!!!"

The eyes of the clay sculpture on the shrine shifted and the corners of its mouth slowly raised.

A hollow voice echoed through the temple.

"I have heard your prayers. It will be as you wish. As an evil spirit - kill all those that you resent -"

A piercing blood-red light flashed, and Luo Xianxian couldn't remember anything after that.

However, Chu Wanning already what happened next. After that, the Master of Ceremonies Ghost manipulated Luo Xianxian's spirit to possess Madam Chen and force her to kill each member of the Chen family.

The red coffin on the top of the mountain, the reason why Chen Bohuan was dug up, naturally, was because the Master of Ceremonies Ghost was fulfilling Luo Xianxian's greatest wish - "Let Chen Bohuan and I be buried together." Moreover, it deliberately placed the coffin on the property of Chen Bohuan and his new wife as an act of spiteful revenge.

As for the floral scent in Chen Bohuan's coffin, it was the scent of the butterfly fragrance powder that Luo Xianxian had worn before her death. The resentment and fragrance in the coffin were both extremely strong because Luo Xianxian's soul was resting alongside Chen Bohuan inside it.

Luo Xianxian had no family. According to the customs, if a person like that dies, their bones should be cremated instead of buried. Therefore, she had no physical body and could only be contained within the coffin by the Master of Ceremonies Ghost. That's why, when Chu Wanning opened the coffin with his willow vine, Luo Xianxian had escaped the coffin's containment. Her soul flew away, and it was difficult to recapture. It was a situation of "a closed coffin being heavy with resentment but an open coffin being light".

But during the illusion, why did other people have dead bodies as their partners but Chen Bohuan only had a paper-mache ghost bride?

Chu Wanning thought for a moment and figured out this much:

The Master of Ceremonies Ghost didn't break its promise. The paper-mache bride was the "physical body" that it gave Luo Xianxian. It was a vessel so that Luo Xianxian could be buried with Chen Bohuan.

Everything was clear.

Chu Wanning looked at the weak and helpless girl in the barrier. He wanted to say something but didn't know what to say.

Elder Yuheng wasn't particularly good at comforting words. He couldn't think of anything, so he stayed silent, not having anything he could say.

The girl stood in the vast darkness with her soft round eyes open.

Chu Wanning looked at her eyes and couldn't bear it. He wanted to leave. He didn't want to take another look. He was about to open his eyes and leave the Return to Truth barrier.

Then the girl suddenly spoke.

"Lord Yama. I. . . I have something else I want to tell you."

Chu Wanning: ". . . Alright."

The girl suddenly lowered her head, covered her eyes, and cried. She said softly, "Lord Yama, I don't know what I did after that. But, I. . . I really didn't want to kill my husband. I didn't want to be an evil spirit. I really. . ."

"I didn't steal the oranges. I really am Chen Bohuan's wife. And I truly, truly didn't want to hurt anyone either."

"I truly didn't want anyone to get hurt. Please believe me."

Her voice choked and trembled, her words breaking.

"I. . . didn't lie. . ."

I didn't lie.

Why is it that, in this life, almost no one believed me?

She sobbed and screamed. Chu Wanning's voice sounded low in the darkness. He didn't say much, but he said it with conviction.

"Okay."

Luo Xianxian was shocked.

Chu Wanning said: "I believe you."

Luo Xianxian wiped her tears with her hands indiscriminately but couldn't hold them back. Hiding her tearful face, she lowered her head and bowed her head in his direction in the darkness.

Chu Wanning opened his eyes.

After he opened his eyes, he didn't say anything.

Time in the barrier wasn't the same as in reality. He had stayed there for a long time but, for the people waiting outside, it had only been a moment. Mo Ran hadn't returned yet. The few remaining people in the Chen family were still looking at him with bated breath.

Chu Wanning withdrew Tianwen and said to Madam Chen: "I'll avenge you. You can find peace."

Madam Chen froze and opened her blood-red eyes, and suddenly fell to the ground with a thud, knocked out cold.

Chu Wanning raised his head again. His eyes swept across Chen's face then landed on the youngest son. His voice didn't waver, and it was still frighteningly cold.

"I'll ask one last time." He said each word slowly and decisively. "Did you really not recognize whose voice that was?"

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[migleefulmoments]

The Book Club: My Analysis

 I just posted a long look at the ATOM analysis but I couldn't comment on their posts because it would have been too confusing.  Here is where I will make comments to their analysis.  As always my comments in parenthesis and italicized.

In this first post, notice that Abby isn’t looking for big themes and symbols-although she did catch the big ones- instead she is picking out single words and short phrases and drawing analogies to Darren. This is the literature version of cutting up an already short video into 1-2 seconds, slowing it down for drama and making it a gif. It’s how you distort the truth. 

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December 26, 2019 by this is a submission to ajw (X)

Submission from a friend (I posted my brief thoughts at the end). Major spoilers below. Scroll past if you haven’t read and don’t want to know.

First off, just in the note to the readers, I knew this book was going to be full of some good stuff.

Obviously, all interpretations are my own, after my first read through.

“A tale of magic follows a group of young fairies as they fight for acceptance in an oppressive world where magic is outlawed and despised. This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”

Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can’t be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he’s living?  (Yes, it is definitely the LGBTQ community. If you couldn’t tell from reading the story Chris says “For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay.” and faires are the people who have magical abilities. This is a story he calls “close to my heart”  because he is a gay man who grew up in a town that is now represented by Devin “the dunce” Nunes- so super fake-religious, judgemental and intolerant. He’s been getting mail from gay kids for a decade and he wrote a story to tell his truth and Abby is turning it into a story about Darren and the reality she has created for Chris to be living)

“If we want to change the world’s opinion it must be encouraged, not forced– and nothing encourages people like a good spectacle.”

Hmm… a spectacle? Sounds familiar. You can’t force anyone to believe anything, but it can be encouraged by opening your eyes to a good spectacle, like say a wedding, and realizing that it just doesn’t make sense if you open your eyes. Nuff said. (Except in this case Mrs. Weatherberry is saying they need to encourage people to accept magic not force them to and a good spectacle is the best way to encourage change. For this to be a reference to the wedding, Chris would have to be happy about the wedding). 

One of the books that Brystal comes across is by Daisy Peppernickel. I think that speaks for itself. It’s clearly known that Daisy is a certain someone’s nickname, especially used by the part of his fans that believe in Daisy. (This is stupid. It’s a silly, British-sounding name- not a reference to Darren. I can’t imagine a Chris celebrating the fandom’s fetishization of Darren’s efferent movements by labeling it “Daisy”) 

“.. each author’s cause of death was EXECUTED FOR CONSPIRACY AGAINS THE KINGDOM. … It was a graveyard for truth and an archive of people the Justices had silenced.”

Deleted tweets, accounts vanishing into thin air. This sounds a lot like the conspiracies against (str8) fandom. It’s no secret that people have been silenced. (yes, deleted tweets, accounts vanishing in thin air (what?) are exactly conspiracy against the fandom.  Both Chris and Darren are super worried about a handful of fans in the Str8 fandom.  You guys MATTER so much Chris included you in his book. He loves you, dudes).  

“All the books in the secret room were written by people who felt and thought exactly like she did, by people who questioned information, who criticized social restrictions, who challenged the systems set in place, and who weren’t afraid to make their ideas known.”

Questioning information? Challenging the system? Not afraid to make their ideas known? Can’t think of anybody that might do that. (It’s almost like Chris was talking about all the brave people who push back against society’s unfair treatment of the disenfranchised and minority persons who are discriminated against whether that is because of their race, nationality, gender, age or income. I know for a FACT he was NOT talking about the cc fandom. who do not do these things for the better good of society but rather for their own needs. Chris was honoring people like Mrs. Weatherberry and MLK, Rosa Parks, Harvey Milk,, people who push boundaries to make positive changes for the good of all people. What you all do is petty and based not on genuine inconsistencies in the system but rather your own refusal to accept that you are wrong and have always been wrong.)  

“Personally, I think life is way to complicated for anyone’s life to be set in stone.”

Even though D seems to be in a death sentence, there’s way more to life and his fate is not set in stone. C believes in his man, and knows he can overcome this. (Um what?)

“Sometimes as  a survival method, fairies suppress their magic so deep within themselves that it becomes extremely difficult to reach it.”

This reminds me of D’s dudebro persona that he brings out. He’s suppressing himself so far that at times he’ll turn himself into a different caricature of himself. We all know Daisy is in there somewhere under the layers of D-bag. (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You mean when Darren is acting exactly like Darren?  People are like onions, they have layers. Dude bro is one of Darren’s layers. Not understanding that Darren is who Darren proves that you aren’t are the one who isn’t actually paying attention. It’s so obvious )  

“It’s very hard watching someone you love in so much pain.”

C watching the person he loves get knocked down over and over, he’s speaking directly from his own experience here. (How do you know this? Chris has never once suggested he finds life difficult right now or that he is in pain.  It’s almost like you made it up)  

“Horence had the misfortune of falling in love with a witch. … Naturally, such a relationship was forbidden, so for over a decade, Horence and the witch carried on a secret affair. When Horence’s soldiers discovered the relationship, the men betrayed their commander. They burned Horence at the stake and forced the witch to watch it happen.”

Using LGBT to equal ‘magical’ (As I’ve found countless references I haven’t even put in here) D fell in love with someone magical (gay), and their relationship was forbidden and secret. Once their secret was out, the team made D pay for it and C had to watch it all go down with nothing that he could do. (Except throw all his angst into his books ;) ) (Good job Abby- you got the most obvious allegory. The one that Chris acknowledged  “For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay.” The rest of your nonsense is silly- the secret isn’t out and nobody except Abby has ever suggested anyone is making Darren or Chris pay anything).   

“We must pity the people who close to hate, Brystal. Their lives will never be as meaningful as those of the people who choose to love.”

The pathetic souls that do nothing but hate on C C and spread hate will never have as meaningful of life as those that chose to love and support our boys. (Um...I guess you don’t believe in coincidences but you believe in Karma. That doesn’t make a lot of sense. I am 100% positive that karma will get the people who don’t support cc. Both Chris and Darren have both denied a relationship and neither has ever suggested any of it is true). 

“We all know how terrible keeping a secret can feel. Secrets are like parasites, the longer you keep them inside you, the more damage they cause.”

The longer D is force to stay closeted, the more damage it does to him.

“If we had had everything we wanted then, we might never have found what we needed now.”

This to me feels like C is actually a little bit thankful for the bumps in the road. He’s trying to look on the bright side. If things had always been easy for them, they might have taken it for granted. Everything they’ve been through has only made them stronger. If they can get through all of this shit alive, they can make it through absolutely anything. (What twisted mind writes crisscolfer so that Darren’s life is a living hell with literally nobody to trust or on his side except his one true love and his mommy and daddy but also Chris is happy to have been put through the “bumps” in the road? ) 

“She dreamed the fairy was repeatedly knocked to the ground by a ferocious monster in a fur coat and snowflake crown.”

The ferocious monster in a fur coat? Makes me think of another monster that wears a fur coat. Shade. (Chris is a vindictive dick when he writes?)

“You can stop pretending, Brystal. I know you’re aware of much more than you’re letting on.”

C knows that we know. He’s not living under a rock. (yes, this is exactly the kind of sentence anyone would add to make sure your fandom knows that you are on to them.  I agree- Chris is sending you messages of support because though all of this, he’s worried about you). 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I refuse to sit back and let a frosty old witch take Madame Weatherberry away from us.”

Frosty old witch= Obviously M (wait I thought Mia was the monster in a fur coat and crown? She can’t be all the villians) 

“Do you guys know what your love languages are? Mine is quality time. It used to be physical touch, but that wasn’t working very well, so I had to change it. People are so picky about personal space and–”

C cherishes any quality time that he gets to have with D, since it’s not always available. (I can’t.... the 5 love languages are specific and about how you communicate with other people. You don’t pick a love language based on what is going on in your life.) 

“Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.”

I have this bookmarked, along with some other passages about the Snow Queen / Mrs. Weatherberry. I know that there’s /some/ significance around this, but I haven’t fully figured out exactly what all it symbolizes. I have a few ideas, but nothing really seems to line up completely to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it at some point! (The significance is that Brystal has to made a tough decision to do something that at first glance is reprehensible but is much more complicated than that. Sometimes- like in war- people do bad things for the right reason)  

I think those are the big things that I’ve bookmarked. There’s so much more I could talk about, but I’m afraid it would start to not make any sense if I just started rambling, so I decided to go off of passages from the book and my thoughts on why I think they’re significant or tie into C C.

You can feel free to just keep this for yourself, or post it at a later date, or take pieces parts to post. Whatever you want!

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ajw adds:  know I’ve been really bad about posting on the book. I saved this submission because I thought it was brilliant and a lot of great insights.

My opinion on the Madame W/Horence/Ice Queen? C is Madame W/Ice Queen and D is Horence. I too thought frosty old queen at first referred to m. But once the twist was revealed I’m convinced it’s c and his dual personality like the twins. He is a Gemini as he likes to remind us. It’s his struggle between being happy with the love he was blessed with and his desire to destroy for the people that have so gravely hurt them.

The quote above to think about most.

Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons

That’s him talking about their Pr life and I’d guess directly addressing the fraud in NOLA. He’s believed in d and he wants us to believe in him too.  (No, it is just a plot point in a story about “good and bad” written for kids) 

[indomitablemegnolia]

In this petty paced drudgery that called life it is trusted that time is linear; it is trusted that the setting of the sun will happen in just about twelve hours after it rises; it is trusted that each day when it is ended, it is done; ah, but not all time works that way. Some days are nine hundred and eighty hours long marches through the arid deserts of the unknown with not a drop of water for sustenance; some days are torturous hours sitting in a waiting room on hard plastic chairs to hear the same bad news repeatedly; some days are millions of years long with just the droning ticking-n-tocking of a clock and not enough life or will to sit up or even breathe; and some days you recognize the sinuous travels of time as it curves and bends, turning loops in a devious path of graceful treachery, it loops around repeating, crossing over on itself, and winding its way along those days; I know I have been experiencing these days thousands of times; the only thing that changes is pieces of conversations, a breeze for a half hour during the end of the day, possibly the clothes I wear, but not always; in all actuality, it never changes, not one little bit does this horrible hell alter. Then I feel that time passes again; there is no, how long; I have no watch; and time like this can’t be marked on any watch anyway.

Then, that Goddamn the date, 10/10, how can so much stack up on a set of numbers, the day I was nearly murdered, 10/10 the day I lost my home, 10/10, even just he idea of 10 makes me want to vomit; this year it hit me like a falling mountain 18 years. Anger flared; hate, god I hate, suddenly the tremors and the night terrors made sense, the headaches, the unexplained bruising, the feeling of dread on even a sunny day, panic attacks from accidentally using three coffee filters instead of just the one; then checking the weather told me what my subconscious was screaming for weeks; I realize; why am I always slow to realize, as always in this temporal loop it hits me like a 2x4 in the temple; that no, time doesn’t always proceed dutifully, uniformly, minute per minute each sixty seconds long into eternity; the past in horribly living memory comes to me; the screams, the pain, ripping, the scent of blood mixed with terrible human smell; then I am stuck in that temporal loop that just repeats until I reach that one day where the loop resets, replays for what seems like an eternity of only me stuck in a solitary cell and when I am trying to back myself down talking out the fear, anxiety and pain that is not really there but I still felt it as if the blood hadn’t yet dried; there is no distinction between past and present, flashbacks and demons come to torment me; Fate herself participates for the, as she calls it, fun part, it is nothing but this hellish illusion, a masquerade of pain; flashes of past creep in even while I am doing something as inane as driving, causing an ache in the current; I watch even the few I trust to know everything laugh uncomfortably as I joke about what happened, what happens and this little place in the universe I call my existence, and I know that I can not and will not call present; for if this is a gift from god, I know he isn’t god and I needn’t worry, this was a penance that I bare for bad deeds in another life; I know the next rising of the sun will only continue this; there is no yesterday, today or tomorrow they are just a connection of moments in a never-ending monotony that kills what is left of my soul and confirms to me that, yes, there is a hell, and I didn’t have to die to find it.

God I realize other things as well as if I didn’t have enough to hold my tears back; there have often been accused of not feeling and I have even wished that I didn’t feel, but I feel that a lot, actually, unlike in the movies when this realization comes there are no bags to pack, no plan to form, no zombies to kill or alien invasions to counter; there is no urgent telegram or speeding car at midnight; there is no help even in the flagging form of a beguiling contortionist or an out of luck hit man; this is just a dark legacy of immutable horrors of the past; and this realization doesn’t come with space nor time to undo. I always would perk myself up with the idea, that I want to be alive before my death that I know is coming and soon and it will be long and filled with much pain; I see the beauty and the possible in life, though I have always had to look at the small and intractable to see possibility; I tried to live in the idea that unlikely does happen, but now at my age, in my state, and being me, there is none. What shocks the virtuous philosopher that lives in the A.M. station in my brain and almost delights the guerilla poet shock-talk D.J. that mine most unpoetic of all existence; realizing that better days are gone. I am oddly acquiesced to the idea; there will be no great love this lifetime, possibly even in the next, no guarantees; no kisses, god I loved kisses; no possibility of warmth, caring; in truth no one will ever love me, gag, how very Jane Austin. In truth I had already assumed that as it was I would turn out to be one of those unsmiling acid-faced women that sit behind little desks in offices, stamping received dates on accounts receivable invoices and that was fine; though I had always hoped for just a someone would spend a the small number of hours I have with me, lingering, smiling at me, genuine laughs as we walk slowly to the door uncomfortable in the leaving reminders to bundle up and warm hug as you forget your scarf as a reason to come back, simple and stupid as it is. I was never one to plan or dream of weddings, though I might have a humdinger of a funeral if anyone were to come; no anniversaries...no careers...no children. God, I never was good with kids, but I imagined I would be a good parent... now, the closest I come is cradling a kitten as he sleeps, I pull him tight and rock; I am a mad cat lady, who hopes for 6 more months.

I understand that no end is an ending, but I am now too old, soo very old the 198 .8 years I have passed in my 40, weigh too heavy; no drug can lessen this pain, no alcohol can dull these edges, but in so being free of the distraction what did I learn? Only the kinds of things hidden in post-apocalyptic stories. Bradbury and Orwell cover it better...

Why? Why did I live this life, I am not sure, I suppose someone had to... I am not even a blip to humanity; a balancing of the scales so to speak; and still the universe rejects me?

Perhaps I am right, and hell is here, how very disappointing.

In all this vasty universe, I had three wishes... god, why keep them safe now. A home of my own, a place I don't have to beg for the honour of paying so much; happiness, simple kiss, stupid wake up dig in dirt, grow things, build things, frustrated, stupid, happiness; and a place for my words... Why let them out on a day like this? Why is it any different than waiting for birthday candles or a coin flung midway on a bridge for a troll to grant or New Year’s eve... as none of those panned out, I am going to the day of dead and dying, if the gods can't hear, possibly the fallen can; although I hold hope at bay with a cattle prod and a 3-foot sword. This is my truth… I suppose there are two kinds of truth; the kind that lights the way for all to see, the second warms the heart; the first being science the second being art; as this is neither this may well be just the cautionary tale to pay attention in school or mix that phthalo blue a little better; we are all connected in a never-ending circle. Everything is connected...

Fuuck

@keeper0fthestars @pedeka @writernotwaiting @iamhisgloriouspurpose @anastasiaoftheironwood

[noonmutter]

Consummation

Terry was conscripted. Dwyn did not, by some miracle, destroy anyone, burn down Duskwood, or follow him.

That did not, of course, mean she did nothing.

     The morning after the Siege of Lordaeron, Darlain gets a note and a glass globe from a frazzled courier.

If you'd like to take a break from the gloom and doom to do one of your favorite things, finish what you're doing, brace yourself, and crush the globe underfoot. ~Shedwyn M. Lias PS: Please come ASAP, there's a line and I really want you to be here PPS: PLEASE WEAR PROPER SHOES FOR GLASS BREAKING, NO SLIPPERS

    Darlain was exhausted, so it takes her more time than usual to connect the dots on just what was happening. As soon as she freshens herself up, she hurriedly throws on her boots, which sadly didn't match her robes, but... she wasn't going to miss this! She crushed the globe beneath her feet.

    A flash of arcane, a little vertigo, and she appears before a tiny arcanist who is fidgeting so much from anxiety that she might as well be vibrating. Shedwyn immediately reaches out to grab Darlain's shoulder, knowing that the globe is not her most stable of teleportation enchantments, but it's fast and user friendly. "You made it!"

    She's looking a little frazzled, and she forgot that there were still a few bloodstains on her robes from the healing, but Darlain fumbles about, stabilizing before falling into Shedwyn. "Whew, may need ya tae send me back when it's done, but no way I was gonna miss this! Ye are gettin married, yes?"

    "They haven't told me he's dead, so I assume so!"

    Dwyn is new to the place, but Darlain has probably seen enough of these setups to recognize a quickly-assembled military altar, using one of the barrack buildings just off the Stormwind harbor. A line of men and women, all looking either nervous, happy, morose, or a blend of the three stand on one side of the room where bunks used to be, and an Alliance chaplain in half-plate and lovely blue-and-gold-trimmed robes smiles brightly as he approaches Dwyn and Dar.

    "You'd be the one I'm making an exception for, I suppose? Bit of flash for anything else."

    Dar looks to Shedwyn, a little confused. "Exception?"

    Shedwyn shrugs sheepishly. "I figured you'd want to be the one to marry us." She holds out a fairly simple handfasting cord--a single large cord made by braiding together three smaller purple, green, and sky-blue cords.

    The chaplain nods, then pushes a bit of overlong blonde hair out of his face. "I'm happy to stand aside if you're willing to do the honors for her. She was... quite adamant." That's a slightly exasperated, but mostly jovial grin on him as he eyes Dwyn.

    Darlain smiles. "Sorry, we're old friends, and I am a priestess. I'll try to keep things quick, looks like... you have your hands full, chaplain."

    The smile takes on a bit more of a somber tinge at the corners and he nods down at the dwarf. "Times of war keep us very busy, as I'm sure you know. I'd much rather this procession be the busy one than the one from yesterday, though." He adjusts his sleeves and glances back at the line a moment, then returns his attention to the pair. "I did receive word a few minutes ago that your young man is lined up, so all you need to do now is wait a bit longer. Please excuse me, I've got other couples to tend to!"

    And off he bustles to perform what is probably the hundredth short marriage of the day, in full sincerity and with all the genuine happiness he can offer them. ... And the 101st... and the 102nd...

    That little bit of news, that Terry is alive and right outside, is enough to change Shedwyn's fidgeting from anxious to excited. "I am sorry about the short notice, I... didn't really expect them to accept without a fight. They didn't exactly take him away under the most voluntary of terms."

    "I 'eard about that...  I... dinnae thnk I can do anything other than lean on some folks, but... we did a lot o' that to get 'im out o' prison..." She frowns, but shakes her head and gives Dwyn a smile as she changes the subject. "Ehh, kinnae do anything about that... so... any ideas, got rings, any traditions you want me tae practice?"

    "Well... He's got his ring, and I've got this," she holds up a twisted metal band. Not gold, possibly not even silver. "But it's all so rushed, and I want to do this right even if I can't do it right right now, so... Do you know what a Year And A Day handfasting is?"

    The current pair at the altar throw their arms around one another and laugh aloud once, then again much more quietly, embarrassed by the first, before quickly seeing themselves out.

    "I... isnae that an engagement custom?" She's wracking her brain to old weddings she had to officiate to remember the details.

    "Nnn- sort of? It's like a trial-run of a marriage. Or a subscription marriage, if you do it repeatedly. You're married, but it only lasts a year, and then you can choose to bail or not."

    "Hehe...more folks could do with tha, I think." She looks at the weaving, "Is this the end o' the weave, or the beginnin’, then?"

    "It's... The beginning?" Shedwyn rubs at her forehead. "Ah, I'm sorry, I just started looking this nonsense up and I don't know it yet. But really, whatever we do, as long as it's framed right, that's all that matters, right?"

    What fantastic timing for hers truly to step through the door. Maybe it's just a trick of the light, but it seems almost like the two of them could see Terry’s eyes bug out from their end of the hall. Apparently, nobody told him what was going on.

    Still in full mail and wearing his Stormwind tabard, sans all weapons save his boot knife, Terry cuts a pretty decent figure, actually. The squared-off goatee works much better when he's trying to look like a professional from head to toe.

    The chaplain gestures for him to come up to the altar, and turns the same hand to invite Dwyn and Darlain.

    "Alright, I think I can wing it." Dar looks at them both and smiles, "Shall we?"

    Shedwyn is grinning like a damned looney as she scurries to the front.

    All Terry can think to say right at first is a strangled "Dwyn?" as he comes to a stop beside her, and the chaplain chuckles to himself and steps down to take a much-needed tea break.

    Shed hands off the cord to Darlain and holds a hand out for Terry to take. The tiny mage manages to rein in her grin long enough to ask Terry, "Are you alright? Is this alright? I didn't get the chance to ask first, they couldn't even tell me if you were alive..."

    Darlain allows them to talk it over for a moment by taking her time preparing, adjusting little things and mostly acting busy, as well as pretending to jot things down in her notebook.

    He takes her hand almost entirely on reflex, brushing his thumb across her fingers and watching her face while she talks. Once the initial shock is done he's able to actually process what he's hearing, and laughs weakly. "Babygirl, th'only reason I 'aven't already kissed you is cuz I'm pretty sure she 'as t'tell me to first." He nods toward Dar.

    Shedwyn surprises herself by only huffing out a little laugh instead of the hysterical giggling that feels like it's sitting in her chest. "Heh. Good. We're rushing things too much as it is without jumping the gun during the actual ceremony."

    Dar takes a deep breath, and stands before the two. She reaches out for the half woven band, smiling at Shedwyn as she politely requests to take it.

    Shedwyn lets go of Terry's hand only so long as it takes to quickly remove her ring, and encourage him to remove his and hand it to Dar.

    Takes him a second to follow, but his eyes go a little wild again before he complies, handing Dar the understated gold signet ring with the 'A' on it.

    Shedwyn's is a simple wire rose, something she probably twisted together in five minutes right after she decided to do this.

    Darlain takes the rings, and the purple, green, and sky-blue woven cords, then smiles at the two. "Folks, we're gathered today tae witness the marriage o' these two lovely souls. Who, like many o' you all, are facing a 'ard time, and deciding tae face it as one."

    Terry's not sure whether to look at Darlain or Dwyn, but settles on Dwyn after a bit of indecision. He's still listening, of course, but it's very easy for him to stare at Dwyn.

    Dwyn glances back and forth between Dar and Terry for a minute, before she realises he's staring. She looks at their shoes a moment, flustered, before she can look at him.

    "Now, marriage is a tricky thing, and it’s something that'll test ya. As someone who's been at it fer awhile, my advice, is that there's three keys tae a successful marriage."

    Darlain holds up the loose, unwoven end of the cord, "Love." She holds up the purple strand. "More than just an attraction, it's a shared desire. A want to 'ave that person in yer life, an investment in their future, and in a shared future."  

    She holds up the green strand. "Kindness. We all make mistakes in life, we aren't always our best, but to look upon your partner with kindness, to empathize and support them, and to know they'll do the same? That's a lovely foundation, and, frankly, the very first spark of these two began with kindness."  

    She holds up the sky-blue strand. "Finally, there's trust. It’s the easiest to break, true, but it's something you need tae 'ave in yer partner. Trust that when the going gets tough, they'll see it through, that when you 'ave doubts, they'll 'elp tae break them. Counting on each other, that's trust, and sometimes it can be 'ard tae trust yerself, let alone another.

    “You kin 'ave a relationship with any of these three things, but…” She slips her fingers through the strands. "It can be easy to drift apart without all three."

    Dar looks at the two of them. "Do y'all 'ave any vows tae share with each other?" she asks, offering them their rings with outstretched palms.

    Dwyn reaches for the gold band first. "Yes."

    Terry doesn't have time to do anything but blink, hand half-raised and immediately dropping back to his side when Dwyn beats him to it.

    Shedwyn holds up the ring, but doesn't slide it on his finger, waiting for him to do it himself. He should know why.

    "Terry... Vowing to keep you 'til death do us part' is pointless. It has tried and failed. Repeatedly. However, there's a tradition in the Gilnean Highlands, an old one, one of a year and a day. Bride and groom are married for a year and a day, and at the end they can choose to leave, do it again, or make it permanent. So I vow to keep you not 'til death do us part, but for another year and a day. And when that day comes, we'll do this again. And we'll do it right.

    "And everyone we love will be there."

    There's a bit of a pause where he's not sure whether he should or shouldn't, but after a moment, he takes the ring from her hand and delicately slips it back on his finger (which has already got a bit of a tan line where it sits). He's hesitant, easy enough to guess why, but she can see it: he's trying desperately not to cry.

    When he opens his mouth, his voice is almost inaudibly quiet, but it gains as he goes. "You steal ev'rythin' from me. I was gonna--" Frowning slightly, Terry clears his throat and starts over. "I was going to give you as grand a speech as I could manage, but you've already stolen my idea, clean out from under my home soil."

    He glances almost nervously at Darlain for a second before he continues. "I would willingly give you anything if you asked, but it delights you so to take it, and surprise me with what you might do with such disused things as my heart, my soul. I will gladly let you take everything from me again, and again, and again."

    With that, he picks up her ring, and offers it to her.

    Shedwyn has the decency to look sheepish at the accusation of 'stealing,' but as he goes on she's right back to being about to cry. She slips the ring on one-handed and wipes at her eyes, then looks to Darlain.

    Darlain smiles at the two, and then grabs both of their hands, gently entwining them together. She then takes the woven part of the cord, and loops it around their hands in an infinity loop. "Love, Kindness, Trust. You keep building those this year and a day, and you're gonna 'ave a strong bond, one that isnae easy to break." She pauses for a moment, letting the moment settle. "I declare ya both man and wife.” Her grin widens. “Now you two can get to the fun part."

    From the gallery, amongst the witnesses and people waiting their turn, an enthusiastic clapping can be heard. It is coming from a man in purple and silver-lined wizard armor, with long gray hair and a smile on his face. At his side, his pack bulges as something inside seems to want out. "Beautiful, just beautiful! It's everything I was told!"

    Terry ... just... turns... and stares.

    Shedwyn bounces, pulls Terry down by his collar, and... pauses as the clapping starts. She turns to look at the too-familiar voice, belonging to a man with too-familiar eyes. Her expression blanks upon recognizing them, and then she glares.

    Darlain is very confused.

    Terry looks back at Darlain and mouths 'What?' in utter confusion.

    "Ah, I'm so glad I got to see this. Shedwyn, congratulations. And Darlain, a lovely ceremony as always." The man's bag bursts open, releasing a skull coated in arcane energy.

    "UGH! Finally, it's so stuffy in there. Hey Sugartits, lookin' good in that wedding gown!" Bob declares in his typical fashion.

    "Janosis?! What the fel happened to you?"

    The chaplain looks up at all the commotion and furrows his brow just a little. "Language, sir. This is a house of the Light."

    Terry is switching very rapidly from puzzled to irritated. "What th' flyin' f--"

    "Bob, behave or I'll let her at you with a hammer," the old man scolds, before turning back to the group at the altar. "Nothing terrible, but also a hell of a lot. Greetings from the world of tomorrow, old friends. Sorry for interrupting, I just found myself overwhelmed."

    "Right! Let’s step aside, thank you, chaplain!"

    It's suddenly clear that if Dar hadn't said that, the chaplain was preparing to have his burly buddies by the door carry them out. He looks almost apologetically at Terry. "You're granted one hour, private. I recommend not wasting it."

    Dwyn, still silent, grabs Terry's hand and with a very determined look, again tries to pull him him for a kiss.

    Terry makes a slightly undignified 'urmph' noise as he's pulled down, but doesn't resist and after a second moves to dip his new wife properly.

    "Oh! But I wouldn't show up to a wedding without a gift," Janosis declares while the couple kiss, pulling a wrapped box out of his satchel and waiting patiently.

    Shedwyn is unnecessarily dusting herself off as soon as she's back on her feet. "Alright, let's take this show outside." She points at Bob and 'Janosis.' "You two as well, but you'd better be quick - your explanation can wait until I'm not on my honeymoon."

    "Of course."

    "Light, nothin’ is ever easy, ever." She looks over Janosis. "Least you turned out okay... from the looks of it."

    Terry is ...not precisely happy to get moving, but he does lead Shedwyn out of the temporary church so the chaplain can take his spot back and get the line moving again. “Outside, b'fore I get bloody well pinned with somethin' fer this."

    "Before your hour's up, you should open the gift. It is for the both of you, after all.”

    Dwyn marches stolidly in step with Terry (though his pace is nearly a run for her). She tries to snag the gift on their way past, but does wait until they're outside to open it if she successfully grabs it.

    Terry's interest in a wedding gift is pretty negligible just now, so he's willing to let Dwyn take care of it. He is, for some wacky reason, a little agitated.

    Darlain keeps up with the group, is terribly concerned by what is going on. Magic is strange and things often don’t go well™ with its shenanigans.

    Shedwyn carefully opens the wrapped box. Not careful to the point of saving the wrapping paper, but careful to the point one might expect it to contain live snakes.

    WIthin the wrapping, a simple wooden box. Within the box, lying on the felt lining, a glittering violet shard, brimming softly with arcane power.

    "My gift to you on your wedding day is the most precious thing I could think of. Hold each other’s hands and crush the crystal, and the spell within will grant you a day for just the two of you. Everything else will stop, and when it ends you'll be back where you started, memories intact."

    Janosis looks around conspiratorially. "Also don't tell any Bronze dragons you saw this, it's a little bit illegal,” he says with a wink.

    It's very hard for Terry to reconcile being angry at his surprise wedding/honeymoon being interrupted with being legitimately touched by a gift from a guy he used to view as a threat to his relationship.

    Shedwyn draws in a soft gasp.  "This is really dangerous to make, and... incredibly thoughtful, right now." She carefully hands the box to Terry, and unless the other mage dodges, she thuds into him for a tight hug.

    Terry's hair actually stands up just a little bit when he takes the box, but he doesn't complain.

    Darlain actually goes, "Awwww."

    Janosis holds Shedwyn fondly, with a smile on his face. "I have learned that few things are as valuable as time. Enjoy it, and when you're back, I'll explain what I can."

    "Thank you. I don't know what's going on with you, but thank you."

    Terry stifles a sigh before saying, "Thank you."

    Janosis pulls away, hands lingering on Shedwyn's arms as he regards her. "It's me, so it's terrifying and wonderful. Now go enjoy yourself," he says, releasing her.

    Stifling a little laugh at that, she nods and steps back towards Terry. "Can you take Darlain home? Or... Back to work?"

    "Hm, you know, I'm not sure. Portals have always been tricky for me." He grins.

    "Mate, th' present's real thoughtful an' all, but if you don't leave right now I'm gonna punt you off th' nearest pier."

    "You would certainly try,” he says. “Darlain, may I?" He turns to the priestess and extends his hand.

    Shedwyn facepalms, but makes a small ‘go on’ gesture with her free hand.

    "...I guess you may." She takes his hand. "And congrats, you two! So ‘appy fer ya, 'ave a fun day!"

    "Quite. Thank you, Darlain."

    "Yer a gem, Darlain."

    "Next stop, Ironforge!" Janosis declares, gesturing with his hand to form an arcane sigil beneath their feet. A portal opens showing the temple in Ironforge before the portal moves past/through the pair, placing them in Ironforge safely before closing.

    Terry looks down at Dwyn once they're gone. "...I was gonna pick you up an' carry you off t'th' park, but tha' sorta put a damper on that idea. Thoughts?"

    Shedwyn takes the box from Terry's hands. "Nope, you're still carrying me. D'you still have that room from working for the Dragoons?"

    "I think so." He bends down and scoops her up, well aware that sack-o-potatoes carries are bad when the potato sack is pregnant, and kisses her again. "If not, somebody's gonna be real upset when we push 'em out."

    "Mmhmm."

( @shedwyn @darbiebot @janosis )

[hello-stensy-blog]

Crushable, Chapter I : It’s all good.

He took off in the morning, feeling great about himself. He knew that nothing bad could happen to him anymore. He had confidenceーenough to shake the world and rule as its new king.

Stensland was all smiles as he raised his thumb in the air. He was soaked with rain, but it didn’t matter. His backpack was light, and so was his heart. Billy Ocean was playing in his headphones while he attempted to summon a ride.

At least, that’s how things were in the beginning. Now, he had been waiting for a good samaritan to pull up next to him for two hours. He tried really hard to remain positive: That’s okay. Someone is gonna stop, eventually. I just have to be patient. I just have to believe.

He wasn’t always all sunshine and butterflies. He used to think of himself as a failure, a sad loser, a lonely soul. He was deeply scarred by disastrous relationships from the past. Like old gum, women would chew him up and spit him out. Then, he encountered the Grady Method for Self Love. He started to follow it by the book. First, he began growing a mustache, which was a really bad idea. Fortunately, he realized this soon enough and shaved it, moving on to Grady’s next lessons. He knew them all nearly by heart, and most of the time he believed in them. Everyday, facing the mirror, he would give himself those good-old motivational speeches before confronting the world. After a few months of training to love himself again, he decided to take on the challenge of the book’s last chapter:

Test your newly acquired confidence! Go see the world! Hitchhike! Meet people! Seduce! Amaze!

Of course, that looked easier on paper. Stensland’s phone’s battery was now empty so he couldn’t listen to Billy Ocean anymore and the rain had become a downpour. He gave up. He walked a long way to reach the nearest motel. Exhausted, depressed and dripping, he was having second thoughts about this whole "inspiring trip". So far, the only thing it inspired in him was a really bad novel plot about a heartbroken guy dumped by his girlfriend on his birthday. It was not mind blowing, but it could have been enough to make him want to blow his head off because it was exactly what happened to him only a few months ago.

He paid for a room and ran straight to it. As soon as he was inside, he burst into tears. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this right now. He had spent the last few months in a positive mindset, why was he giving up so suddenly?

He made up his mind: tomorrow, when the sun goes up, I will go home and forget everything that has happened. Maybe I’ll restart Grady’s Method from the beginning, but right now I have to stop weeping, take a shower, change clothes and get some sleep. Maybe I’ll smoke. Or drink. I saw the motel has a bar. What the heck, I’ll do both.

Get naked, shower, masturbate, move on.

***********************************************

It was not a busy night for Clyde Logan. Not at all. There were rarely any busy nights out here. One or two drunkards to serve per night max. That’s why he never said no to extra work.

The job was simple, that’s what the boss said: A ginger guy is gonna show up. When he’s here, you hand him the bag, and that’s it. How will I know it’s him? Clyde had asked. The boss paused for a moment, then asked him: Do you see very many people out there? No, Clyde answered. How about gingers, Clyde? Do you see a lot of gingers in that shithole? No. Then you will know it’s him when he gets there.

So Clyde was staring at the void, waiting for the ginger guy to show up. Eventually, the door opened to one. Clyde stared at him as if he were an alien. Well, that’s not what I expected. What he expected was a picture straight out of a mafia movie. I dunno, a tough guy in a suit at least.

The man was thin, wearing a long sleeved shirt with stripes of the most random colors on it paired with shapeless jeans. He looked pretty cute in his own weird way. He asked for a drink. Clyde had a hard time focusing. The ginger’s expression changed as he looked uneasy from Clyde’s silent staring. After a while, Clyde answered:

-Sure.

Clyde had never done these kinds of transactions before. He had no idea how to proceed. What do I do? Do I just give him the bag like that? Do I have to say something? There was only one other customer at a table far from the counter, drinking alone, and Clyde doubted he was even among them considering how wasted he was. He won’t be a problem.

- Did you come for… something special?

That was pretty clumsy. The ginger looked even more puzzled.

- Huuum… well… you mean, besides the drink?

Clyde nodded.

- Well, you could say that, the ginger answered with a slight laugh.

- Are you looking for someone, too?

The ginger’s eyes lit up and he blushed. Clyde did not notice the blush and thought the light in his eyes was a signal indicating that he was the one.

- I was waiting for you.

Clyde served his drink, then disappeared to the back of the bar.

***********************************************

Stensland’s heart was racing. Wow. I did not expect the barman to hit on me. It was the first time someone had ever done so. Plus, it was a guy. Though, that wasn’t important: feeling wanted is always pleasant, he thought, especially after all he’s been through. He had to admit that he liked the heated feeling in his chest. Moreover, he felt pretty lucky to be to the liking of such a handsome guy. I mean, with complete neutrality, he is tall, mysterious and handsome. A dream guy.

I was waiting for you. These words were running through Stensland’s head, repeatedly. They sound like lines from a cheesy movie.

Why did he leave so quickly? I didn't even get a chance to answer. Anyways, how could I answer? We just met. Literally! We barely even had a conversation and I fall for that! What am I? A Disney princess?

Prince Charming came back with a bag. He put the bag on the chair next to Stensland’s.

Stensland looked at the bag, then the barman. He gave no explanation and did not resume talking to him. Instead, he began cleaning glasses. Stensland started to understand there had been a huge misunderstanding. With hesitant hands, he opened up the bag and almost had a heart attack at what he saw.

This… this is… money… a lot of…

Stensland’s mouth was now forming a silent and shocked ���Oh!”. So, that’s it? The barman mistook him for someone else? For a moment, Stensland considered telling the barman that he was not supposed to receive any bag full of cash, but…

Well, he was feeling pretty embarrassed. After all, he had begun celebrating their wedding in his head only a few seconds before, and now he knew that this was all just a stupid mix-up. Plus, this was… a LOT of money. This was exciting. There was no way Stensland could say no to such a thrilling new adventure. He drank his full glass at once, then sighed with a slight smile and said:

-Well! Thank you for the drink, and… my bag! Here you go! (He put three 20 dollars bills on the counter, as he was now feeling immensely rich.) Keep the change! Buh-bye!

He left the bar in a rush. Clyde was not even surprised.

***********************************************

Clyde was getting ready to close the bar. He was cleaning up the counter when the door opened. Without a glance for the newcomer, he said:

"We’re closed.”

- I did not come for a drink.

-Okay. But we’re closed.

-Listen to me, Genius. I have had a terrible day, so yes, I am late, who cares? The bag now, please.

Clyde frowned and looked up. What now? He swore this man was the very same ginger he had served a few hours ago, except now he wore a mafia-worty suit with his hair combed back and the face of Grumpy cat.

-Dude, I already gave you the bag.

-I beg your pardon?

-You were there, you took a pint, I gave you the bag, you left.

- I did NOT! Are you telling me you gave the bag to someone else?

-Yeah.

The man was infuriated. He started to cuss.

-Well, he looked exactly like you, Clyde said in his defense, 'have a twin or somethin’ ?

-What do you mean? Are you implying he was a ginger, too?

Clyde nodded. He stared at the man, who was now typing on his phone.

-So, its your twin?

-Shut-up! I don't have a twin! Not all gingers look the same! Did he give you any name?

- Nope. (Clyde went to the door and asked the receptionist who was smoking outside, probably listening to their whole conversation.) Earl! What was that ginger guy's name ?

- Err.. Cleveland...Priceland... No, Stensland! It was Stensland!

The other ginger made a very angry phone call. Earl looked sorry for Clyde, and Clyde was still stunned by the gingers' likeness. It's so trippy. After a quick check, they found out Stensland had left his room already, with shampoo and shower gel samples, a towel and the bag full of money. That was predictable.

It was now five in the morning and the issue had yet to be settled. The second ginger was still pissed after getting off the phone with his boss. He told him in a dry tone:

-Since you are the one who made this mess, clean it up now! What did his car look like?

-He didn’t have a car, actually, Earl said.

-What do you mean? He came and left by foot in the middle of the night?

-Yup.

-That’s utterly ridiculous, The ginger snapped, Well at least it won’t be a problem catching him, even with your obvious lack of intelligence.

Clyde was offended. He still asked:

-So, I’m supposed to chase him down?

-Absolutely. And I would suggest that you get to it NOW. Actually, I am coming with you.

-Can I finish cleaning up the bar, or…

The cross look the ginger gave him was an implied No. Clyde threw the bar keys at Earl.

- Finish my work and drink something. It’s on me.

His coworker’s face shined like a kid’s on Christmas morning as Clyde left with the bossy ginger.

***********************************************

Stensland was a blissful idiot. He successfully ran away with a bag full of money, and he even caught a ride on his way. God bless America!

The guy who offered him a ride was pretty kind, too. They had a nice chat on the road. Stensland was now feeling so good he couldn’t believe that he had been crying a few hours ago.

How will I spend all this money? Amazon. I’m going to buy the weirdest things! I can afford to throw my money now. I could stop working, find a palace, be the king of the hill! I would have the sweetest babes around me, everything would be all good!

It was hysterical. All because of that barman. I’ll send him a Thank You note once I’m all settled. I’ll write it in my pool, or in my jacuzzi.

The sun was now up. Stensland’s new road companion wanted to take a break, as he had driven the whole night.

-Alright! Stensland said, I’m going to go to the bathroom, and then buy a snack. You want something?

-I’m okay! I’m just gonna take a nap.

-Alrighty then!

Stensland left the car and went to the bathroom of the rest area they stopped at.

All this calls for celebration! Stensland thought with a bright smile on his face. And celebrate, he did: he smoked what remained of his stock. He didn’t mind. I’m so rich now I could smoke twice as much everyday! What a life it will be.

As he was daydreaming about this future life, he was startled by a hand reaching inside his cabin.

-Oh shit! It’s occupied! he screamed desperately.

But the hand had already grabbed his bag. The hand’s owner was now running with the bag. The bag full of money.

Stensland screamed some more:

-No! Wait! It’s my bag! Don’t take my bag! Wait! Please!

He left in a hurry, leaving his bong behind. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t A BAG FULL OF MONEY. Stensland was running like he never did before. Where is this brat? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening.

He saw a car leaving. He ran after it.

His dream life was fading. His not-future wife was waving goodbye.

He ran across the parking area in an attempt to follow the car. The guy in the passenger seat gave him the finger. Stensland stopped. They were too far from him, they were too fast. He was out of breath and desperate again. Another car passed by, then stopped in the middle of the road. What now?

*********************************************** Clyde was sick of the ginger complaining to him. He was sick of his contempt, of his bad manners, he was sick of the road and he was sick of this whole stupid chase. And then, he saw him. He stopped the car so suddenly his passenger hit his head with the most satisfactory “bang”.

-What the HELL?

-It’s him. It’s Stensland.

Clyde was leaving the car now. Stensland looked beat, but quickly his face showed absolute horror and he began running the opposite direction. He had recognized him. Clyde chased him down and quickly grounded him. The bossy Stensland clone followed.

-Please, please! I don’t have it! I don’t have it!

-What do you MEAN you don’t have it? The bossy clone barked.

-They stole from me!

-Who is they?

-The guys… the car… I…

-God! Take him with us.

-I told you he looked like you. Look, Clyde said while he was holding a struggling Stensland with some difficulty as he could only count on his valid arm.

-We don’t have TIME for this now, Logan! Where did the car go?

-This...this way!

Following the second ginger’s orders, Clyde threw Stensland in the car’s trunk. Before closing it, he said:

-Nothing personal, dude.

[imgilmoregirl]

A Thing Between Light And Darkness (Chapter 5)

AO3 Link

It was already usual for Isabelle to stay at the Lunae Libri until it was really late, even more now that her research had hit such an interesting and dangerous point. Ruby stayed there with her sometimes, but Belle didn’t like to put her into too much risk and most days she would ask to be left alone and send her with some books to read back home.

The brunette was currently sat by the large desk, gloved fingers following the line she was reading as she ran her other hand through her tied hair, sighing as she felt her eyes getting tired for the long time she had been down there, studying every useful document she found. Isabelle was so lost in her book that she didn’t hear the steps echoing through the secret library, she only realised she wasn’t alone anymore when his shadow covered the light that was allowing her to read and she had to look up.

“Belle,” Gold’s voice said, softly, her name slipping through his lips like an old song.

Her breath got caught on her throat. Years, it had been years since the last time she had seen him and he had changed a lot since their last goodbye, his hair had gone grey, the lines on his face were deeper. However, he was dressed in one of those elegant suits he so loved, his beautiful brown eyes still looked at her like he was displaying his soul on her feet. Suddenly Belle was pretty aware of the changes the years had made on her own body and she felt grateful that she had dyed her hair recently and pulled on some make up before starting the day, because somehow, she still wanted to impress him.

The man before her, was the one and only love of her life, he still made her heart beat faster and all she wished was to run towards him and throw her arms around his neck, feeling home as he embraced her against his warm body.

“Rum…” Belle murmured, standing up in awe. “What are you doing here?”

No answer came at first, Rumford only stepped back, shaking his head, lips curling in a mask of pain. There was suffering shinning in his eyes.

“He is mine, isn’t he?”

She blinked, the question sounding strange to her ears, because she didn’t understand why he would come there after all that time of separation just to ask something like this.

“What do mean?”

“Gideon,” he said as if the name caused him pain. “Is he my son?”

Belle felt like the whole world had stopped for a moment and she needed to lean against the desk to keep herself steady on her feet. She knew this was coming, but she didn’t think it would happen so soon. By the moment she saw Alice why her boy that first day on the library, she knew nothing good could come from their friend, but she couldn’t just forbid him from talking to the girl just because she was afraid, as it would sound like madness.

Swallowing hard, Belle looked up at Rumford who was still waiting for her answer, paralysed there with eyes full of tears.

“Yes,” she managed to mumble.

It looked like Gold had been beaten by a thousand rocks as he stumbled back, until he hit the cot behind him and let himself fall there, taking a seat as he ran his trembling hands through his hair.

“Oh, Belle… How could you keep this from me?”

“I - ” she tried to start, but a hurried excuse didn’t sound proper, so she tried to delay it with a story: “Two days after my wedding I was sat on the bathroom floor with a positive pregnancy test in hands. I couldn’t think straight, but all I wished was to run to you and tell I was carrying your child. I was going to do it, but then I realised that I couldn’t. All the time we’ve been together, my life was in risk and I didn’t care about that, but I had to protect the child and we both know that Gideon would be a target if he was linked to you.”

He nodded wordlessly. Of course, he knew it was about his own family they were talking about after all, but it didn’t prevent the heartache that came from knowing he had a child with the woman he loved and he never got the chance to raise it, give it his name, teach it the ways of light instead of darkness. It hurt more now that the truth had been confirmed than when he first saw the boy and recognised himself in the lines of his face.

“Eloise,” Rumford murmured, looking up to meet Belle’s gorgeous blue eyes. “That’s because of her, right?”

“Because of Eloise and Archie and many others,” Belle counted, her voice sounding weak to her own ears. “But it killed me every day to keep this from you. I saw you in him so many times, Rum…”

“He was there today, at my house, with Alice,” Gold told her. “I felt the magic.”

A chill passed through her body. She had been fearing the magic for too long now, and as the years went by and she watched her baby boy turn into a toddler, then a kid and now a teenager, she also knew that his powers wete growing stronger too and soon enough, they would get out of control and Belle would have to explain him why he was different from any other boy.

“It’s going stronger,” she agreed. “He will be as powerful as you.”

She saw when Gold’s jaw tightened and a rush of fear took her when he suddenly stood up, with a furious expression, approaching her as he let out some harsh words.

“What do you intend to tell him when sunlight becomes a problem? When he starts crave things he can’t understand?”

“I - I don’t know yet.”

When he heard how fearful her voice was, Rumford sighed, trying to get himself under control again, he shouldn’t be so angry at her. She was brave and he had always admiried that on her, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty for everything he lost with his son.

“You should have told me, I would have protected you both,” he whispered.

“Rum, you told me to go away because you didn’t trust yourself not to kill me.”

“I was draining the life from you,” he stormed out. “And still fight against darkness every single day.”

Of all things, he couldn’t afford knowing that he was hurting his darling Belle, that everything they found blissfulness in each other’s arms she wouldn’t awake for a really long time because he had taken all her energy to himself. And while he felt good and renovated, she was laying pale on the bed, the light of his days fading more each time he touched her.

She was healthy again now, cheeks coloured with anger, of how they were blaming the other repeatedly when it wasn’t anybody’s fault.

“And how was I supposed to make it through when you and your whole family were a threat?” Isabelle yelled. “Do you think it didn’t hurt me to marry another when I loved you? When I was going to have your baby?”

“That’s not what I said,” he remarked.

Taking a deeper breath, Belle approached him, avoiding his eyes, and letting her glance wander to the floor as she confessed something she had only shared with two people during her whole life.

“Gaston found out quickly,” she told him. “I was far too long into the pregnancy to deny that he wasn’t the father. He hated me for fifteen years, Rum. And I couldn’t even cry when we buried him, because I despised that man, because all I remembered about him was his harsh words whenever he threw my infidelity in my face.”

“I’m sorry,” he hurried to say, his heart aching with the weight of her words. All this time he thought she was loved and happy she was as miserable as he. “I’ve always know we should have not get involved.”

Lips tightened in a line, Belle took the last step into his direction, encircling her arms around his waist and looking deep into his brown depths.

“But we did, or don’t you remember how many times these books were the witnesses of our love?”

“I could never forget,” he breathed. “I just… I’m angry, alright? I have always wanted a life with you; a family. Now I know that I have a son who have no idea I am his father.”

Belle cupped his face, adoring how age had only made him look more handsome than he was before. She could feel his fingers caressing the exposed skin of her arms, holding her closer and she wanted was to never let go again.

“Forgive me, Rumford.” Belle begged. “I know I was weak, but I was just a mother trying to protect her child.”

“You did the right thing,” Rum admitted. “It is just hard to face.”

Caressing his jaw with the tip of her nose, Belle let her eyes close as she murmured: “I love you.”

Then he lips found his and she felt her knees become jelly, while she opened her mouth to him, giving in to the moment and losing herself into that passionated kiss, one of a kind she hadn’t shared with anyone but him, because the love they shared made it stronger. She clutched against Rumford like her life depended on it, a sudden need to sleep becoming higher inside her.

“No,” Gold pulled away, leaving her to lean against the desk again, completely dizzy. “I can feel myself draining your strength.”

“It’s ok, I’m willing to give it to you.”

“You can’t, it’s been a really long time since I fed from a human instead of dreams, I’ll knock you out for days, even with just a deeper kiss, and you need to go home to our son,” Rum explained. “We need to keep him away from Alice.”

It was madness. Belle knew that letting the secret of her son’s real father slip through her mouth was already dangerous and being with Rumford again was twice a risk, but she had been willing to talk to him for a while now and she needed his help if she had any hopes to save them all.

“I will,” Belle promised, “but I still have time and I think you should get some strength. Read the research when I faint, I found something out and it is no good.”

“Belle - ”

She laid down on the cot, offering him a hand as he temptively set himself above her, making heat pool on her belly. Belle knew that she would be sound asleep in no time, but it didn’t prevent her from wanting more than she would get now.

“Just kiss me,” she whispered to the Incubus.

Gold bent his head, capturing her lips and letting his hands travel along the curved of her body, as he felt himself get renewed by her vital energy. His hair slowly got darker, his shape, slimmer, and he moaned against her mouth when he felt his powers getting stronger. That was when Belle stopped to answer to his ministrations, her body getting flaccid beneath him.

He sat up beside her, kissing her knuckles and caressing her face, the guilty of exhausted her so quickly making him feel worst. Rumford reached for her working table and opened the large title-less black book she had left there, heart skipping a beat when he noticed the high lightened names in the family tree right at the first page.

Turning it, he faced the first notes she did and realised that the darkness he had been fighting all this time was about to come back, stronger.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Rum murmured. “What a burden you’ve been carrying.”

Gideon finished his dinner and allowed Mrs. Potts to take his plate, putting it on the sink. He glanced at the living room, wondering if he could take some time to watch a movie before bed, when the woman turned around, placing a hand on the table in front of him with those narrowed eyes that indicated that she had something tough on her mind.

“I’ve got a message from your mother, she is staying at Ruby’s today, so I’m looking for you, which means it is bed time.”

A long deep sigh left him. Gideon hated when his mother went to Ruby’s house to work until late, because that meant Mrs. Potts would be watching every step he took with clever eyes. However, he couldn’t complain much about it, both because he knew his nanny was only very restrictive because she loved him and because his mother needed some time for herself even if just to do research with her friend.

“Of course, Mrs. Potts,” he mumbled, standing up. “Goodnight.”

“Gideon,” she stopped him before he could leave the kitchen. “I know you didn’t go to school this morning. So, watch out, boy, I don’t want you getting involved with the Golds.”

That same old story again. As his mother showed no true concern about his friendship with Alice, Mrs. Potts seemed to be going mad with it. The look on her face let it clear how much she despised the Gold family and he couldn’t understand why, as Mrs. Potts wasn’t like the rest of the town, who would judge Alice by her uncle’s reputation, but when it came about them, she seemed to have some big mistrust coming to surface.

“Alright,” he nodded, knowing if he answered differently they would end up engaged in a pointless argument.

Gideon headed upstairs, opening his bedroom’s door, intending to spent sometime reading under the low lights before he heard Mrs. Potts coming up to check if he was really sleeping, but when he glanced towards his bed, he found Alice laid in there, playing with his basket ball.

“Hi,” she smiled.

“Alice,” Gideon almost choked with despair. “What are you doing here and how did you get inside my room?”

“The window was open and the tree is close to it?” Alice shrugged, sitting up and throwing the ball to him.

Getting it, Gideon placed the ball back to its place looking at the huge tree outside his window and wondering how that crazy girl managed to climb it when he never got to do it, no matter how many times he tried when he was younger.

“Mrs. Potts is down there!”

“Oh, the nanny?”

“Get out,” Gideon insisted, worried about how he would ever explain to Mrs. Potts that he hadn’t invited Alice to come over, but she entered his bedroom by the window.

She would never believe him and he would be locked inside that house for the rest of his life, grounded for being disobidient.

“Relax, she is not going to hear us,” Alice said, snapping her fingers and making the room glow.

Gideon gasped.

“What did you do?”

“A little magic trick, now sit down before you pass out,” Alice commanded, noticing how pale his cheeks went. “You’ve always knew I wasn’t because of the things people say about my uncle.”

Falling down to his bed by her side, Gideon glanced at Alice noticing the way she tickled her fingers in the air.

“Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting that. So, what are you?”

“Powerful?” She smirked, before going for a full explanation: “They call us ‘casters’, because we can cast spells.”

If he hadn’t seen so many proofs of her said magic, he would never believe this, actually he would have agreed with the rest of Storybrooke’s residents and said she was definitely crazy, but she had just made his room glow and they talked telephatically earlier, so he had nothing else to do but to treat this the most normally he could.

“So, you’re basically a sorceress?”

“Guess you can say that,” Alice agreed.

“And your uncle is one of them too?”

This time her nose wrinkled and he understood there was more to her world than he could see.

“Not exactly but this is not the time to talk about him, I want to know more about you,” she said. “You have my secret, now share yours with me.”

“Mine?” Gideon chuckled. “Let me see, I lived in Storybrooke my whole life, my mother is the most inteligent woman I know, my dad was a drunk bastard that apparently never liked me and sometimes Mrs. Potts says weird enigmatic things.”

Alice rolled her eyes, seeing that he obvious didn’t got her point. He was in the dark, just like she always suspected and she wondered which answers she would get if she tried to have this same conversation with his mother.

“That’s no what I’m talking about!”

“So, what do you want to hear? Because that’s all I’ve got to share.”

Grabbing his hand, Alice felt the electricity of his magic hitting her fingertips.

“You have power Gideon, haven’t you realised that yet?”

“Power?” He blinked another laugh coming up through his throat.

Now, the boy thought that she was a bit mad, but as Alice sat on the window, projecting herself out in the tree direction, he saw a flicker of pity in her eyes that couldn’t be mistaken.

“Yes, I can feel it, and if you concentrate enough, so will you.”

Then she disappeared into the night, leaving him to wonder if he was the person he always thought himself to be or not.

[douxbebearchives]

Summer Q&A - Week Six

Welcome back to our weekly Q&A series! 

Each week, you will be introduced to several Olitz fanfic authors, who will share thoughts on various topics such as writing, personal favorites, advice, and of course, Olivia & Fitz.

This project is a fun way to get to know your faves who make our days exciting with their stories.

Previous Weeks: Week One, Week Two, Week Three, Week Four, Week Five

Featured Authors: Steph (cbssoapsgirl), Terrie (dafney64 / @terrieaster), Lynn (IWrite4Olitz/ @iwrite4olitz​)

What drew you to Olivia & Fitz? 

I’ve watched Scandal from the beginning.  The chemistry those two have is amazing. - Steph

When they were sitting on the couch and the anguish on their faces, just drew me in. - Terrie

Their combustible chemistry. Is there any other reason?  - Lynn

Favorite kind of music or podcasts to listen to before/while you write? 

I have a collection of love songs on my Spotify account that I listen to.  It can be anywhere from R&B, Jazz, Blues, or some old school rap.  - Terrie

I don’t listen to podcasts as part of my process. I find them too distracting. My taste in music is all over the place. I have the same affinity for jazz or soul that I have for pop or indie. That’s not very helpful, I suppose, but it just boils down to whatever moves or inspires me. Would you believe that Pia Mia’s “Do It Again” inspired the one-shot that became No Regrets? She was a 19 year old youtube sensation at the time, and it was her summer smash hit (possibly her only hit) about a one night stand. Hey, I’m not proud. “Locked Away” featuring Maroon 5 inspired the gala scene at the end of that story. “Garden” by Emeli Sande played as I wrote the garden love scene in Pas De Deux, and “Dreamland” by Emilia Ali was playing when I wrote the scene that opens PDD Chapter 10. :-)  - Lynn

I actually have to be dead quiet when I write. - Steph

Favorite TV Shows/Movies

Stranger Things, Underworld series. - Terrie

Scandal, Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, SVU, Grey’s Anatomy - Steph

TV: Gilmore Girls, House, Girlfriends, A Different World, Living Single, the travelogue adventures of Samantha Brown and Anthony Bourdain, Sense8, Queen Sugar, Greenleaf, Underground, House Hunters, House of Cards, Orange is the New Black; Movies I can watch repeatedly and not get bored: Pride and Prejudice, The Devil Wears Prada, Focus, Pretty Woman, Love Jones, Ever After, The Wedding Date, Trainwreck - Lynn

How do you describe your style of writing?

I usually write dramatic, love stories of Fitz and Olivia.  - Steph 

::hyperventilates:: I...don’t have one compact sentence to describe it. I suppose it’s because I choose words and sentence structure to suit whatever tone I’m trying to convey, while also considering the “voice” of the character whose point of view I’m writing. So, for example, if I’m writing something romantic, I use more flowing sentences, but choose words that I think the character whose head we’re in would actually use. If I’m trying to convey something tense or urgent, I’ll use more concise, clipped language and structure. If I need to drive an emotion home, or incite a reaction of some kind, I choose visceral language. Ugh, this sounds so clinical! But I promise it’s not. It just happens naturally. I’ve been called “poetic” and “evocative” by readers. I’ve also taken this super fun quiz: https://iwl.me/... the results of which told me I write like Stephen King, which contradicts the poetic thing. Haha. Love Stephen though. Do you guys follow him on twitter? Follow him. He’s one of my best friends in my head. And he’s woke. - Lynn

Free flow.  Sometimes I have notes jotted down, but most of the time I just sit down and let my mind take me places.  - Terrie

Favorite trope/scenario to read?  

Enemies to lovers, love at first sight. - Lynn

Anything that is not traditional Olitz. - Terrie

Fitz surprise visits.  - Steph 

Describe yourself in 5 words/phrases: 

Scandalholic, fantasy, idealist - Steph

You could give me 24 hours and the fate of the universe on my shoulders and I still couldn’t do this, hahaha. In a perfect world, my self is constantly evolving, so how about, in keeping with the theme of fifths, I choose something in iambic pentameter? “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” -Dr. Suess - Lynn

Adventurous, quiet, shy, funny, and loyal.  - Terrie

Anything else you’d like to share?

Just want to say how grateful I am that people have gravitated toward my stories, and they have given me hope to go further. - Terrie

Thank you guys so much for reading my stories!  - Steph

Ava DuVernay is my other BFF in my head. / Someday, when I’m confident enough in my knowledge of the era I choose (which will take years and years of research and development), I will write a historical fiction with a WOC heroine...possibly with elements of science fiction. - Lynn

Author FFN Links

cbssoapsgirl

dafney64

IWrite4Olitz

A special “thank you” to the authors for taking time to email us with their responses. Our goal is to feature as many authors as possible, so all are welcomed to join the fun. Don’t worry -- there are more questions we’ve asked so you will be reading more from the authors again.

If you have a question you’d like to ask, inbox us! Please state if it’s a general question or author-specific.  Feel free to touch base with our featured authors, and check out their stories.

Authors - if you would like to participate, email us at douxbebearchives@gmail.com.  Slots are still open and we’re looking for more authors to feature. :)

Thanks!

[love-god-forever]

Seek and You Shall Find

Su Shun

Journeys through cities and villages open up a world of people-watching opportunities; Travel around mountains and waters gives full view of beautiful scenery. In the vast world, spring goes and comes, and a generation that goes is replaced by the one that comes. Some people seek glory and riches, fame and position, while some others pursue ordinariness and ease, living life peacefully. However, whether rich or poor, everybody has a thirst for the exploration of fate. Exactly what kind of life is valuable and meaningful? It seems a puzzle in our hearts that can never be solved.

In Search of a Real Life

When I came into this colorful world, Heaven bestowed upon me a home as shelter. With my family’s company and my friends’ care, I studied and worked, growing up unconsciously. How time flew! Then, a fortuitous opportunity arose for me to meet the other half of my life. We got married before long, and then had our lovely children, starting our own family. I thought that owning all of these things was happiness. However, when I strolled along country roads, when I saw that the sun rose and set and that grass and trees came and went, and when I experienced the alternation of the four seasons, I would often lament in my heart that life was too short. I quieted my heart and considered: Life is but a span, and in the blink of an eye it will be over. Even if one owns millions in property and supreme influence, he can never avoid death, the final juncture of his life. So, what is the real human life?

                                               Halfway Station

With the doubt, I was led by Heaven to the side of the Lord Jesus. The grace of the Lord made me immediately feel peaceful and released in my heart. I learned that mankind came from God’s creation and that the life of all things is supplied by God. I, who had drifted in the world for a long time, finally went back home. My heart depended on and rejoiced in the Savior Jesus. After that, I went to the church actively and heard the pastors preach the stories of the work of the Lord Jesus on the earth. I gave thought to the love of the Lord inside, longing for Him to come soon to take me to the glorious hometown. …

However, with the passage of time, I saw increasing lawlessness in the church. That the pastors loved status and money was already an open secret. During the sermons they cried out “Glorify God and help people,” yet in real life, what they did was not the same. They flattered the rich who donated, while despising and ignoring the poor. They often expounded on the following verses in the high pulpit, “My brothers, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons. For if there come to your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment; And you have respect to him that wears the gay clothing, and say to him, Sit you here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand you there, or sit here under my footstool: Are you not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?” (James 2:1-4). They also told the believers countless times, “We must engrave the Lord’s words in our hearts, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like to it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39). But the sharp contrast in what they said and did made me feel surprised: Is this the likeness of one who truly serves the Lord? Why do they go against the Lord’s teaching while speaking of His word? From their behaviors, I found they were precisely the experts who adorned themselves with biblical theology. How could such behaviors of theirs not be detested by God? With no new light in their preaching, I lost the former joy and peace in my heart, and I could only pour out my heart to the Lord, “O Lord! Why has the previously prosperous church become so desolate today? May You recover our faith and strength earlier!” Later, I heard more and more frequently that many good sheep from all denominations and sects turned to the Eastern Lightning because of its profound preaching, yet the religious leaders repeatedly warned us against it. I fell into puzzlement and confusion, and prayed to the Lord: “O Lord! Why have those good sheep left their churches? Could it be that they have received new nourishment and feeding in other places? O Lord! Where are You now?”

Happy Ending

The winter snow had already melted, and all kinds of flowers and trees were vying with each other in putting out new shoots. I yearned for the Lord’s coming again and expected Him to bestow the manna of life upon me, so that I could be supplied and shepherded in my spirit.

The Lord Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled” (Matthew 5:6). “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). The Lord is faithful. As long as we sincerely seek and long for the truth, He will listen to our prayers. Just as He heard my prayers. When I felt most helpless and disappointed, God sent the brothers and sisters of the Church of Almighty God to preach the kingdom gospel to me. After reading Almighty God’s words and hearing their testimonies, I was certain that Almighty God is actually the returned Lord Jesus. At that moment, I was so excited that tears welled up in my eyes, and my thirsty heart was finally nourished by the living water of life. Even now, I still remember the words of Almighty God I read at that time, which carry authority, “God is always doing His work, and is always leading the whole of mankind forward. When Jesus came into the world of man, He brought the Age of Grace and ended the Age of Law. During the last days, God once more became flesh, and when He became flesh this time, He ended the Age of Grace and brought the Age of Kingdom. All those who accept the second incarnation of God will be led into the Age of Kingdom, and be able to personally accept the guidance of God. … All those who submit under His dominion shall enjoy higher truth and receive greater blessings. They shall truly live in the light, and shall gain the truth, the way, and the life” (Preface to The Word Appears in the Flesh).

“God will accomplish this fact: He will make all people throughout the universe come before Him, and worship the God on earth, and His work in other places will cease, and people will be forced to seek the true way. It will be like Joseph: Everyone came to him for food, and bowed down to him, for he had things to eat. In order to avoid famine people will be forced to seek the true way. The entire religious community is starving, and only the God of today is the wellspring of living water, possessed of the ever-flowing wellspring provided for the enjoyment of man, and people will come and depend on Him” (“The Millennial Kingdom Has Arrived” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I also remember what a sister communicated with me, “Since God opens up an age, He will end the age Himself; since He saves mankind, He will save man from the dark influence of Satan thoroughly. The work of the Holy Spirit has moved from the Age of Law to the Age of Grace, and then to the Age of Kingdom. Now is a new age. God has long been incarnated again on earth. Only those who have followed the Lamb’s footsteps can gain the watering of the living water of life, while those who still live in the old age have already fallen into darkness, without the light of God. Throughout the universe, all those who truly yearn for the Lord’s coming will return to the family of God, which exactly fulfills the words in the Bible, ‘It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to him that is thirsty of the fountain of the water of life freely’” (Revelation 21:6).

Now I am no longer at a loss, because Almighty God’s words have brightened and filled my heart. I have followed the Lamb’s footsteps, enjoyed the work of the Holy Spirit again, and received the supply and nourishment of truth and life in my spirit. Furthermore, I have finally understood that the existence of both mankind and all things is under the one true God’s sovereignty and care. Only when we obey and worship God, and become a man who fears God and shuns evil in accordance with God’s word, can we live out the most valuable and meaningful life.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). Dear brothers and sisters, have you heard the voice of the Lord? Have you welcomed the second coming of the Lord Jesus? Have you found the real destination of life? We invite you to look for and welcome the Lord’s second coming together and attend the wedding banquet of the Lamb. If you have any question, please click the online chat button to chat with us. We look forward to your message.

[kit-kat214-blog]

My 2017 Things and Flings

January 8th: I told my best friend (call him guy 1) I liked him. We went in dates and hung out all the time his family adored me. Including his future sister in law.

February 14: he surprised me at my home and gave me a teddy bear and flowers. So sweet!

End of February: I told him I needed to focus in God. And ended things. after that I felt like I was deranged for my fear of relationships.

April: I met a guy( guy2) who I had seen around school at a lock in, he got my Snapchat and from there I told myself the only way to conquer my fear is to just do it. So I began talking with him on a relationship type level from the start. He seemed very goal oriented and exactly what I was looking for. We started dating and it got serious very quick. We had just made ourself official on the 2week of talking and when I took a nap he called me hysterical that I didn't respond to his messages. My friends all hated him. And I felt God pulling me away from him because he didn't have the faith. So I ended things with him. Which turned into him trying to use God against me. Although the relationship was not the greatest. He found God. I take no credit for his salvation or his bringing to God. I think it is amazing however that God used that situation to bring another soul to him.

May: I started living with one of my closest friends due to some financial issues with my family. We had some pretty good times. Highs a lows. Still living with her currently

June: I passed my junior year of high school. And after the school year ended I moved to Idaho with my grandma. I got 5 jobs that summer. All the while I was talking to guy 3 from my church. He was super sweet.

July: I came back to Washington for my mentors wedding (which happens to be guy 1's older brothers wedding) I hung out with my friends and when the wedding came guys 1,2, and 3 were all there. Talk about awkward. After the wedding and everyone had all left guy 3 pulls me aside and we kiss. When we are kissing we hear guy 1 coming our way to tell me good bye. He leaves and we follow him shortly after. Guy 3 walks me to my car and kisses me goodbye.

August: after the wedding I went back to Idaho and began hanging out with old friend of mine who I grew up with. This guy who is 2 years younger than I am confessed his love for me. I resented it at first but eventually I hung out with him every chance I could. When summer was ending I made the choice to move back in with my friend and finish school with all my friends. So I left guy 4 in idaho.

September: Senior year started and I was feeling like I was on top of the world.

October: PTSD hit me and I was on rock bottom

November: I got the opportunity to go visit my family in Idaho for Thanksgiving. Guy 4 desperately wanted to see me but I was more focused on my family.

December: guy 1 wanted to rekindle our friendship cuz we were once best friends. I agreed. He later flaked. I went to see the new star wars movie with a friend of mine who had told me he liked me repeatedly ( guy 5) I told him no profusely. I got my wisdom teeth removed than 3 days later drove to Idaho. I saw guy 4. He was happy to see me. And seeing him again made me miss him more. I started texting guy3 and he was cool but he is definitely not the kind of guy I want in my life

In summary

I have had five flings and many things but thank God it's 2018 and I can start fresh and start right. Maybe this year I actually find the one who can end all flings. Here is to another year with more positivity and less promiscuity.

[helen-alvarez97]

I miss you. I miss you holding me and cuddling with me. I miss you wiping away my tears. I remember the first time you told me I was beautiful. We were upstairs and we were talking and you asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said I’ve never had one. Guys don’t notice me. You said I’m surprised bc when I first met you I thought you had one. I looked away and that’s when you lifted my face up and that’s when I tried looking away again and you said you’re beautiful. You truly are. I want to knock down those walls of yours. I said why. You said so everyone can see how beautiful you are from the inside and out. I also remember you telling me that you feel this deep connection to get close to me bc it seemed like I needed it. I also remember the first day you kissed me. I said I never had my first kiss and you said I’d be honored to give you it. I said you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You said no I want to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you for a very long time. You kissed me 3 times that night. Very slowly and I knew I didn’t do the best but you got a hard on and said it was from me. I said I can’t do that. That’s not from me bc I can’t turn a guy on. You told me that I turn you on often. You said you noticed me from the first day you met me. My hair was messy, I had no makeup on, and I was exhausted. I miss you so much it hurts. I sleep in your sweater every night bc i like to think it’s your arms holding me. When the scent went away I was a little sad bc your scent calms me. When I’m in your arms I’m home. I feel safe and I feel loved. I remember telling you that I wish I had a place to call home. You said I’ll find one eventually. Little did you know that you became my home. Sometimes home isn’t 4 walls and a roof it’s 2 arms that hold you and a heartbeat. I miss our cuddles. I liked being held bc I never been held. You never complained about me asking to cuddle. I remember everything we did. I remember crying about what my dad said about how being a human resource lady was a terrible idea. That night I cried and cut myself in the arm. You never really liked it when I self harmed. You said that I had beautiful skin that didn’t need to be marked by cruel words and tear stains. I was laying on your bed and you were playing with my hair and I looked up and saw you staring at me. I said why are you staring at me. You then said you’re beautiful you know that. You then also said I have beautiful eyes and then you leaned down and kissed me. You said that I have kind and gentle eyes and that I have a kind and gentle heart that just has been stepped on too often. After you kissed me we had a make out session. Idk you just never failed to tell me I was beautiful or that I was pretty. You also said that I will someday make a guy very happy. You said that you can’t be my boyfriend but if I was a little older and you were single that you would date me in a heartbeat. The thing was that you treated me like I was your girlfriend. You made me special and you made me feel wanted. I didn’t think anyone would notice me but you did. I remember when you saw my scars on my arms and you said I shouldn’t do that and you kissed them and said that I’m so beautiful that I don’t need to do this to myself. You then made me promise not to do that. I broke that promise quite often bc I’m just a sad teen whose heart you couldn’t make happy. The day we made love was the day I will never forget. It was on August 26,2015 which was a Sunday. That night you knew that I wanted to lose my virginity to you. You then took me into your room and asked me repeatedly if I’m sure and that if it hurt too much then we can stop. You then leaned in and kissed me so gently I was so touched by how gentle you were. It was as if you stood by your word and made sure that you wouldn’t hurt me in any aspects. We then started making out which lead to me landing on the bed. We had sex that night and the atmosphere felt so comfortable. It felt like that wasn’t the first time we had sex. After we were done you slipped your pants back on and said I’ll be in the living room. You left me to get dressed by myself. I came out from the room, went pee and looked in the bathroom mirror and saw that I didn’t look innocent anymore. I sat on the couch and you were on your phone as I was on mine. At one point you told me to come here and you gave me a hug and asked me how I was and I said I’m fine. A week later you got sick during that week and it was Friday night when I slept in the living room and so did you. I was crying bc I was gonna miss you and I asked you to come and cuddle with me. You said no not now bc you were sick. I said okay. The next morning really early I felt the couch bend in a little bit and I felt a body. I looked up and saw you crawling into the covers with me. You then laid down and put your arm around my waist and we were spooning and we laid there for about 5-10 minutes. You then whispered in my ear I would of have loved to have slept with you in my arms but I was sick and if I had laid down with you I could have possibly gotten you sick but if I wasn’t sick I would have laid down with you in a heart beat. You then told me we needed to get up. We drove to drop me back home and I was very sad bc I was going to miss you so much. A year passed we still talk to each other but not as often. I think we grew apart when in reality you had a life while I didn’t. Our one year anniversary for the unique relationship came up and I cried that night wishing I was in your arms. The lesson I learned from this is to be careful who you lend your heart to. It’s now 6am on 2/4/17 and about 3 weeks ago I was put in a mental hospital. That night before I was put in one I had a mental breakdown in my friend Sammy’s car. Sammy and I are just friends. He’s 20 and I’m 19. I called Sammy at the hospital and I felt like I was annoying him. He said i wasn’t and hoped that I feel better. When I was at the hospital I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and wanted to call you to tell you about it. I called you and I said that I needed you here. I said that you’re the only one who calms me down. You said if I could be there I would. Little did you know I needed you to hold me and tell me how beautiful I was and how important I was to you. During my stay at the hospital I realized that I don’t come first to you and that hurts because you come first to me. You were my first for everything. You were the first guy to notice me, my first kiss, first guy to hold me, first guy to tell me I was beautiful, my first time for having sex, and eventually became my first love. I don’t know if you would call that love but you have a very special place in my heart and I care about you deeply. What’s sad is that I’ll never tell you how I might have feelings for you because we both know it wouldn’t work out. I also know that you would break my heart. About 2 weeks after I was out of the hospital I told you I was emotionally attached to you. I said you probably don’t feel the same way and you said I care about you a lot. Little did you know I was telling you I caught feelings for you. I said is it bad to be emotionally attached to people and you said not really because people get attached all the time. You then told me you didn’t understand what I was trying to ask you or tell you. I then said I’m sorry and then you said you had to go. At the moment I felt sad because I can’t ever tell you what’s going on in my head because if I do then you’ll never want anything to do with me. It’s now 2/9/17 at 9:51pm at night. I was having a bad day yesterday to the point where I wanted to kill myself. I tried talking to you but you said can’t talk rn I’m busy working. I said ok. When you told me that my heart broke a little bit and that’s when I realized that I’m not important to you anymore. I feel like you’re abandoning me but you say you won’t. Idk I’m just scared bc i already lost one friend sam today. I feel like I annoy him & that I come off as clingy. The thing is he reminds me of you and that made me feel really comfortable around him but I guess he got tired of me just like how most people do and is going to leave soon. I was looking through our messages today march 5,2017 and I remember telling you that with my borderline personality disorder that we have a favorite person who is someone who we have a connection with. I have a strong connection with you but idk if you feel the same way. You say you care about me but it doesn’t feel like that. I said that since I’m emotionally attached to you then you could break my heart. You said I highly doubt that and then you said that you were gonna go to bed. Little do you know that you already broke my heart by not saying the right things or comforting me when I needed you the most. I look through our old messages and I remember telling you about going to a friends wedding and how I said i would look beautiful for once and you said you always look beautiful. I told you that you’re the only one who thinks that about me. You said no I’m not other people tell you but you don’t pay no mind. The truth is when other people tell me I brush it off bc I don’t think I’m beautiful but when you tell me I am I feel beautiful. I know it’s sad that I’m still hung up on you but I’ll get over you eventually. You’re a secret that I can’t tell anyone so it’s eating at me. There are times where I wish I could be in your arms. There are times where I wish you would hold me bc I genuinely need it. Today I was on Instagram and saw a post saying how when you meet someone and you automatically click with them they’re not called best friends but are called soul mates; they make you feel like you’re at home no matter what they do. You and I aren’t soulmates but you’re my home. You make me feel safe and loved. I just wish that one day I’ll meet someone who will love me with all of my brokenness and teach me how to be loved and give love. You taught me many things but the one thing that I realized is that I need you the most when in reality you don’t need me and that’s sad bc at one point in time I was something to you and the moments we had were special. Idk what they were but it felt nice to have attention and to be given affection especially since we both know I need it the most. Now when I cuddle with boys it doesn’t feel the same as I cuddle with you. It feels natural and I feel like I can separate myself from them but with you I can relax and know that I’m safe. I know it’s pathetic that I’m going on and on about you but I just need closure bc I know we can’t be together. I’ll always be your second choice and it hurts knowing that bc I want to be someone’s first choice for once. What sucks the most is getting over someone who wasn’t even yours to begin with. It hurts so damn much that it’s hard to keep pretending that nothing happened. If and when I see you again I honestly think my feelings will come out bc I’m so comfortable with you it’s crazy. My heart hurts so much that it aches bc I need someone to love me. I’ve been through so much shit in my past 19 years of my life that I’m broken. If someone would have asked me at 14 where I would see myself I wouldn’t know what to say but I do know that I didn’t imagine cutting myself, dealing with this ache of someone who wasn’t even mine to begin with, being put in a mental hospital, and lastly having borderline personality disorder. I’m tired of being the one who has to hold myself in my darkest times and wipe my tears and act like I’m fine. It’s so hard to pretend that I’m not broken and that on most nights I cry myself to sleep bc I’m depressed. Some nights I can’t sleep bc my mind wanders too much and that I struggle with keeping myself together. I just wish I was someone’s first choice for once because it’s tiring to be someone’s last choice. The sad thing is that it’s always been that way even growing up. I was always put last when it came to everything. I had to grow up fast bc my brothers needed a mom in their life and it sucks that I had to be their mom but I don’t regret it at all. Now that I’m away from them it hurts and I miss them so much. I miss them because they’re my brothers but I also miss them bc I was their mom and I raised them to best of my ability. It hurts even more bc I feel like I left them as a mom too early but I needed to save myself and go to college. I always made sure they were taken care of. I love my brothers with all of my heart. The day I left I didn’t even get to say goodbye to them and that broke my heart bc I was their mom and their sister and I wanted to tell them that I’m so proud of them and to stick together. Some might say that me leaving was courageous but I left bc if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have had a life. I raised them to have respect and to always treat others the way they would have wanted to be treated. The ages they were when I left them wasn’t too young but I realized I’m basically done raising them bc they’re at an age where my mom can actually be a mom for once and take care of them. My mom was always protective of my brothers one more than the other bc of his asthma. Whenever my brother got sick bc of his asthma she would say my son is so sick I love him so much and I would say what about your other son. She would say I love them both but the sick one needs me right now. Ive always been protective of my brothers bc I always loved them as if they were my own. I hope one day that I’ll tell them that I raised them. I think the oldest out of my little brothers knows bc he said that he’s grateful that I was his second mom bc he said that I was always there for him. I want my brothers to do better than me bc I want the best for them. I’ll always be there for them bc when I was their age my mom wasn’t there for me and I needed her. I still need her but her not being there for me taught me that I only need to depend on myself. I only need her now bc I need a mom in my life. I raised myself and I learned many things and made many mistakes. She apologized for everything and for abandoning me. After I’ve been writing all of this, this is something I won’t say because I am getting better yes I know there are times where I want to come back to you but I have to love myself before I can love anybody else. The moral of this whole post is if you’re stuck in a situation like this or have been in something similar please know that these types of relationships can either end well or bad. For me it was a little bit of both. He taught me how I should stand up for myself & to do what I want because no one can take that away from me. What I also learned is that he was so sweet and kind to me but he doesn’t realize what he did by giving me attention. The thing is that I’m grateful for this experience that he has given me. The stuff with my mom is something that I need to work on. She’s my mom & I love her so much. Yea sure we’re on a rough patch right now but we will get over that eventually. So in conclusion, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to know that you deserve better and I have finally came to the realization that I deserve better in all aspects of life, relationships, and for myself. The End

Sometimes doing the right thing can hurt at first but when you’re my 3am thoughts I realized you became toxic