#i thought about today and suddenly
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I couldn't sleep
#.mimiming ❜#i thought about today and suddenly#well not suddenly#its more#idk#its never gonna happen again is it?#im gonna miss this stupid school with all it stupid teachers and all my stupid classmates arent i#oh fuck#fuck#im only going to go on that school bus to school about thirty more times and its only gonna be to write the exams#i wont be able to hang out with my classmates at class anymore#god fuck im crying#i miss my classroom and the corridors already#we'll be writing out exams somewhere else#not even our classroom#i cant go on the ground again to play throwball or anything#or have lunch in our school again#fuck man#why did this happen#i was supposed to hate this place and be glad i was leaving#why did i decide to go and actually get attached
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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I'm probably going to regret this, but:
It is 100% true that people can, and should, denounce Israel's horrifying atrocities without being antisemitic. Unfortunately, it's also true that the people who are the loudest about the fact tend to immediately follow it up with something that makes me think, "people can denounce Israel's crimes without being antisemitic, but you sure haven't managed it."
#so many people who never gave a single fuck about palestinians until last year suddenly became very concerned-#once they thought it gave them license to go mask off about their big opinions about any and all jewish people#i've seen this countless times but today's was one that started out sounding vaguely reasonable and ended up at a vile screed#and of course it was from someone with zero actual rl stake in i/p bc it nearly always is#anghraine babbles#cw antisemitism#politics for ts
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seward's introduction of van helsing, and VH's first letter, is much more... effusive than i remember it.
#dracula daily#krav speaks#re: dracula#helward september is going to be Hilarious w jonny sims and alan burgon#i do have thoughts about today's entry. proper thoughts i mean. but they careered off a cliff quite suddenly at the end
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Did you guys know....that you can buy Arthur's sweater 0_0
#jane journals#self insert talk#🎄 my christmas wish 🎄#AND I DID JUST GET PAID TODAY....#CAPITALISM WON TODAY#and nahhh ok ive been in kind of a bad mood cause im tired#i started thinking about the sweater and then had some arthur thoughts AND SUDDENLY IM ALL SMILES AT WORK 🥺🥺🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖#UGH WHATS THAT BRITISH TWINK DOING TO ME
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I should probably draw more canon complacent GabV1el stuff but I do think it's cute when they cuddle and go on little funny dates sorry. Yeah I know their whole thing is fighting and whatever but. machine and angel kisssy?? ever consider that??
#sorry suddenly started feeling insecure about the two gabv1el wip's I'm working on aha....#Augh I had a thought today. I asked my friends if they thought Gabriel would be more sensitive to non-violent touch because it's something#he's not used to. and then I apologised because I realised how down bad I sounded sdhsdhdh.#it was very much a question for the drawing but. yeah <3 aughh#Ultrakill#GabV1el#Android.txt
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It is shocking that no matter how "done" you think any given scene—Nay! Sentence—you have written, and re-written, and edited, and cleaned up IS? You will probably see some new reason to change it again the next time you look at it sideways.
#This brought to you by some real jerky transition in chapter 25#which I really thought was done with for now#I'm sharing some stuff with a beta reader and every time I copy paste a section into docs for them to look at? I suddenly see THINGS#That said#this is good because I am tidying this draft behind myself as she reads#five very messy chapters till the end y'all#it may take a few weeks to unless them but I am feeling good about this thing now#solved a very stupid problem today on the back of a kitchen chit and am well pleased
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having substantial OC thoughts for the first time in what feels like months…..
#yay. yaaaaaayyyyyyy.#suzie’s whole family dynamic is changing#so is her name#sue is one of those characters that i have just. never been able to connect with#& while laying in bed awake last night (my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked btw. was awake until 7am)#it was just like….. suddenly i understood everything about her#it was a moment of sudden realization. like. oh THAT’S why you’re like that. ok.#i’ve also decided to make sere jax‘s half sister instead of full sister#this is relevant to sue’s storyline since jax & sue are very much involved#i’ve also been thinking more & more about kel’s relationship with dhes’ family since…#his relationship with his own parents is literally nonexistent. abysmal even.#this is very exciting. having oc thoughts is so awesome.#n e way. i’m gonna start drawing other people’s OCs today !!#idk when i’ll finish w it though bc i kinda want to experiment style wise#i want to find something between the going left squishy style & the more realistic painty style…#something i can use for mbz comics basically….#ok. bye.#rainyrambles
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bloodsong of oh shit....oh fuck
#got all hyped up on Ink Pen tool & did some bsol fanart then went over here & did some bsol fanart#corned beef#bsol#bloodsong of love#love how like. i was thinking about it like okay my thoughts & my verbalizations of them are not definitive concerning bsol or anything#which yayy but like the way that the Genre Conventions of like. people who are (probably mostly) figuratively outlaws & the conventions#from spaghetti westerns as like. framing for a story about some of them. & some things show us how they exit / are outside that framing#last on land like. that Already like nobody has names / are named Generically. last on land like this is about stories plural shows plural#relevant to this one but not Just this one. again thoughts words not definitive yay. banana living ''outside'' the western in the world of#someone who rejects that. only today was like oh that then it's ppl around lo cocodrilo who are also more Outside The Framing but not him#relevant to being an alternate the musician rather than forever fundamentally different; certainly a the musician; his like primary#vulnerability being how he's still not actually fully different. still another outlaw/outcast but walking a different road; he told you#all to lead around to me now considering this moment in this way like suddenly pushing things a bit Outside their genre; strikingly#as in the ways you might expect genre conventions to Contain this moment don't happen. most relevantly no music no narration.#manifestation of like wait this isn't how this story is supposed to go. my monologue; my music....#also the return to the knife. the [i'm always like wow the centerpiece to me; juxtaposing w/the henchman steve situation]#like wow that's so interesting you wanted to use your knife to obtain that guy's heart to hype yourself up for a bullet kill though#the numbers flying around my head earlier still treating seriously [au alternate version of This we all live & coconana is something] like#the musician#lo cocodrilo
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Know better next time
#hiiiiiiii guysssss#so what if I said I ship#meronia#then what???#anywayyy some real tags hold on#death note#my art#death note fanart#Nate river#miheal keehl#these could be stand alone pieces but in my mind they are looking at eachother#like out of NOWHERE I am suddenly having thoughts and feelings about these two#like I get it now#Also drawing Mello was so fucking fun???#idk I like what his face does#a diffrent day I’ll draw a realistic scar#today he only gets Zuko-core scar bc I’m lazy
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Good morning gamers! Hope you all have a good day! <3
As for me...😔 I've perhaps developed. A 4th Yakuza crush...I gotta stop! I can't keep developing more!!
#pan rambles#1st we got I.chiban <3#Who I'm certain will become an official f/o- I just need to reach his games. which will take a while#Second we got Y.agami who IS am official f/o <3#I was going through his tag this morning so he's on my mind today#So many kisses for him!#3rd we got...#Well. Uh.#D.aigo...😔#It was supposed to be a joke! I kept joking about him and my s/i dating at some point!! and then suddenly it didn't become a joke anymore#and 4th is...#I'm not saying who it is-#However I will say that the second I read that he was partially based off of L.upin III and S.pike from C.owboy B.ebop...I knew I was doomed#(For Context. L.upin III is like. an unlisted f/o of mine. Long story as to why I prefer keeping it that way but yeah)#(And S.pike is a pretty recent crush of mine👉👈 I always thought he was pretty handsome and watching the series only made me love him more)#so yeah#A man partially based off of two of those??? It's so over for me😔#Thankfully I still got a while before I play Y.akuza 4!! I'm safe!!!!#Kinda-
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my mother (a teacher) confirmed a few days ago that she's cried at every graduation so far. girls if I become a teacher (if that's God's will and call in my life), I'm so thoroughly headed down that same track.
#i thought about how i'd have to say goodbye to these kids when they graduate today and just. wow#i'd already cried tons by that point so i held off diving deeper into oversentimentalism but the thought was bewildering and i was suddenly#so so sad. and i've known these kids THREE MONTHS.
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hmm so originally demon neil was gonna be a longfic, but then i decided it would be a series with a bunch of smaller fics making up the story
BUT i just realized if i do that i have to come up with 5 bazillion goddamn fic titles >:( evil world
#also! i still don't know what demonneil andrew's job is gonna be.#of the options i like i know the most about librarian-ing. so. leaning that way but i don't think it's the funnest way to go#i mean it's appealing bc a library is a quiet place and it would be great to have andrew suddenly snapping at his demon to shut up!#in the Quiet Place#but... i could always just have him go to the library for that if i wanted.#mm i have ideas for how neil could be annoying if andrew were a tattoo artist or a bakery assistant as well.#so we shall see...#chapter 3/ part 3 of the series should be andrew learning to go to work with a demon in his brain... i believe#that's how it's outlined anyway#fuck if i know how's it's actually gonna go down#also! i have arson neil plotted/outlined for the next bit >:3 and i'm sooooooo hyped#but the curse is upon me and the brain fog is Thick so i can't actually write the Real Thing >:(#ANNOyING#andddd i also have some vampdrew plotted but i'm missing the little piece that comes between what's posted and what i have Planned >:(#and angel neil is... well i have him outlined (have for a Long Time)#like since that night my computer crashed and i thought i lost the angel neil file 4ever (if yall remember that. it was a long while ago an#but so scary TWT)#uhhhh the mer au is really the only one that's just dangling...#like i know what's gonna happen but i've made no plan for it#so hmm...#i'm not well in the head today but anywayyyyyyyyy#diaerie
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godddddddddd
#ceramics studio was playing a bunch of tchaikovsky and ballet music today which i thought was fine and great if a little#unpleasant until like an hour or so in when i was like Ohhh why am i having a full on 14year old me spiral.#this is not something ive been worried about in years why do i suddenly want to throw up and bolt home and lock the door of my room#and stuff about it. so!!!!!!! that's how my afternoon is going!!!!!!!#sorry ceramics prof i respect u very much i try 2 follow ur rules. i am putting on my fucking headphones now!!)#anyway. free. i feel very very gross and bad and not good 💥 missed a couple classes this month so i feel like i can't miss today! god!!!#txt
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I genuinely need to talk more about Isabeau, I love him so much he's one of my favorite characters in the game and he deserves so much.
What the game did with his character, his interactions with the rest of the family and his backstory genuinely means a lot to me, it's so perfect and it made me feel so personally seen.
#Also he's such a freak little weirdo that tries to be normal but fails and falls face flat on the ground it's so funny#I love you Isa!!!#isabeau isat#isat#Not enough Isa love in the world I have to change that#I have so much thoughts about him!!!#Like I was just thinking about him all day today. his struggle. his doubt. and then I suddenly started to cry!?!?#He's so much#Both that we see in the game and what we don't see#But I'm not good at articulating those thoughts tufbkddk#rambles#Every time I see people saying that he's no really interesting like the rest of the fam I'm like#Grabs you by the shoulders*#THATS WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK!!!!! NO!!!!! DONT FALL FOR HIS ACT!!!!!#HES LITERALLY JUST LIKE SIFFRIN!!!! WITH HIS OWN FLAVOR OF FUCK UP!!!!#AND THE GAME ACKNOWLEDGES THIS!!!!!!!!#PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE HIM A HUG!!!!! HE NEEDS IT JUST AS BADLY AS SIFFRIN!!!!!
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Presented without comment.
#fontaines d.c.#fontaines dc#NME#So NME suddenly thinks they’re in charge again#They behaved for 10 years bc no one would buy their mags and bands were doing them a favour appearing in them#One (1) oasis reunion and suddenly they think they’re back in business#As evidenced by the 50 articles on Oasis they’ve put out in the last week#music#They’re talking about you you idiots#Also hahahaba Liam you say this now but Fontaines are the kind of band Noel would call ‘a proper rock band’#so let’s see where that goes in a year’s time#oasis band#oasis#oasis reunion#Musicians#not the beef is have thought we’d see today#Nevertheless. Fontaines are on a roll; while Oasis did ensure they didn’t get that no. 1 chart spot they deserved#Musically they’re on the rise yet again#Sorry I’ve been posting about this all day n all but I was on the bus home and had time to Ruminate#but what did you all make of it
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