#i think we should all make bad art again!
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ghostgirl-22 · 3 days ago
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If you saw me post this and accidentally delete the ask and everything, no you didn’t 😭
But yeah anon. Patrick would do anything for him.  Make a mess of him before his first hook up with the prettiest girl in school. Just because he feels like it, just because he can. Because Art’s his best friend. His.  
He’s an amazing friend.
CW: 18+ NSFW 
——-
“Is it okay?” Art asks. He’s dressed up so nice in one of Patrick’s smaller sweaters, its cloudy blue like his eyes. He’s got on fitted black jeans, and a brown leather jacket. He looks so good, smells so good, like black cherry and tobacco, this expensive cologne that he only wears when he thinks he might get laid. 
He’s visibly nervous. Chewing incessantly on spearmint gum. Always nervous about his first time with a new girl. Patrick doesn’t know why, if he was a pretty girl he’d be wet the moment Art turned that shy little smile in his direction. He doesn’t need to dress up, pretty boy. He got Kennedy Sawyer’s attention in sweatpants and a t-shirt while he was arguing with Patrick over final fantasy play styles at breakfast.
But that’s not important. What’s important is Patrick just wants to help. Art is his best friend after all. He sits up on his bed, dropping his game controller. “Come ‘ere,” he says. Art checks his hair in the mirror for the third time and then approaches Patrick, eyes dilated, nerves making him run his sweaty palms awkwardly over his jeans.  That’s when it catches Patrick’s eye. He teases his finger tips up Art’s thighs up to the bulge along his hip, it’s not obvious but Patrick knows him so well, knows how he tries to hide it, but Patrick can tell that he’s hard. “I can’t calm down,” Art admits quietly. 
“You wanna know my secret?” Patrick asks, gripping at either side of his unzipped jacket and pulling him closer. “Like how I stay cool when I’m out with a beautiful girl?” 
Art looks hopeful that Patrick’s about to tell him the secret to life. “How?” 
Patrick tugs Art a little bit closer so he’s got a leg on either side of one of Patrick’s thighs. “I like to rub one out first…  just to help my nerves.”
“I um—really?” Art studies him, trying to decide whether Patrick means it or if he's full of shit. “No fucking way,” he decides, followed by that stupid pretty smile of his, the one that makes Patrick want to get on his knees. 
“I’m so serious,” that smile is contagious even when Arts annoyed. Patrick keeps his grip on Art’s jacket to hold him in place. “It helps, I promise. Especially if she’s really pretty, like Kennedy is. Plus it helps so I don’t finish too fast when we…” he looks up at Art's pretty blue eyes, letting him fill in the blank.
He’s chewing again. Anxious. He definitely has that “too fast” issue. He gets so excited. Patrick still touches himself remembering the night Art asked him, red faced and shy to please show him how to French kiss. Not even two minutes with Patrick’s tongue in his mouth and he’d already cum in his pants and got so embarrassed he nearly cried. Doesn’t even get how gorgeous he is. 
Oh. Patrick just wants to help him. Wants to help him so bad. He’s his best friend after all. Patrick can just imagine Art, soft and sweet and so gentle with her. Fucking into her, losing it too fast and promising he can do it again. Tears of shame in his eyes. God, Patrick kinda wants to be her. 
“I guess I should…” Art says quietly, bringing Patrick back from his thoughts. His expression thoughtful, his tongue, eager as he plays with his gum in his mouth. 
“I mean… what could it hurt?” Patrick shrugs, grabbing at Arts belt buckle.
“Um…” Art blinks, confused. He’s so smart but stupid about some things. He gets with the program fast enough, once Patrick’s got his hands on him. God, he’s hard. So fucking hard he’s already leaking into his boxers, can’t calm down. Let’s Patrick pull him onto his lap as his breathing picks up. “Patrick, no, it’s late. ‘m gonna be late,” he sounds a little panicky, but he’s gripping at Patrick’s biceps as they both look down at his lap, Patrick’s hand working inside his boxers. 
“No, it’s okay, I promise,” Patrick whispers. Not sure what he’s promising, he’s already lost the plot. Art smells so good. Patrick always wonders if he tastes as good as he smells in this cologne. He licks a stripe up the side of his throat, kisses his way up to Art's lips. Petal soft and minty, Art opens up right away. His mouth heated and… oh so wet. He scoots closer, his neatly ironed shirt getting wrinkled because he’s pressed up against Patrick’s body. His fingers tangled in Patrick’s hair. The kiss getting sloppier, sticky gum sliding back and forth between them. He’s chaos. So good at keeping it all in until he can’t. 
If Patrick wasn’t hard from the moment Art got back to the room to get ready for his little date he’d be gone by now. Patrick is dizzy, swallowing on Art’s helpless little gasps, the kinda kissing that can make Art come untouched. But Patrick wants to touch him,  bucks his hips up so Art can feel him. It’s not too long before Art is just mouthing him, no technique no nothing, just opened mouth moaning against Patrick’s lips. Patrick’s heart is racing, the blood pounding in his ears. He’s on the brink. 
“Tell me what you wanna do to her?” Patrick mutters hot, against his lips, hand gripping tighter, moving faster. You’ve been so patient for two months. So good… I bet you can’t wait to fuck into her wet dripping cunt…”  
“God Patrick…I want it so bad,” He whines. “I wanna— wanna fuck— fuck—” 
“Yeah?” Patrick coaxes, as if any of this is coherent.
“God Patrick, Patrick,” it’s all he can manage before spilling it everywhere, heated sticky pearls of white all over that neatly pressed blue shirt and black jeans. The image of it makes Patrick lose it, breathless in his pants. They’re both sitting there, catching their breaths. A soft sheen of sweat visible on Art’s forehead, his skin mildly flushed.
”Fuck,” Art whispers after a minute. “My…my clothes.” 
“Yeah,” Patrick sighs, leaning back on the bed, letting the mess on his palm spread onto his sheets. “Shoulda done it before you got dressed probably…” 
Art takes a deep breath and pushes himself up to his feet, while simultaneously trying to straighten himself out. Patrick watches him, mildly amused. “I have to change… do you um… do you have another shirt?”
”I mean… I think what you were wearing is perfect. God. It really brings out your eyes.”
”Well I can’t wear it now, and I’m already late, god I’m supposed to meet her out front in ten minutes. We’re gonna miss the movie and the next show is not till 8 and we won’t make dinner before curfew and Ms. Henderson will be sitting outside the girls dorm and—” He’s started talking so fast he’s getting pitchy.  
“Hey I got a crazy idea,” Patrick interrupts and Art stares at him, so pathetically frustrated but also covered in jizz. It almost makes Patrick laugh but he stops himself. “This is supposed to be special, right? Why don’t you wait till tomorrow night? You can wash everything and you know… we can do it before you get dressed next time.”
”No we are not doing that again,” Art says determinedly, because he’s so sated and in his right mind.  
“Well you can then,” Patrick shrugs, smirking. 
Art rolls his eyes and goes to pick up his phone from the charger to text her the change of plans. Patrick goes into the bathroom to clean up a bit. 
“I’m gonna be hungry, should we order pizza?” Art calls from the room. 
“Yeah,” Patrick says, smiling to himself in the mirror. “Definitely.” 
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drdemonprince · 1 day ago
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So I had to fire my therapist because she gave me a panic attack telling my transmasc partner and I we need to flee the country. It started with me talking about coping with executive orders by reading, making art, generally dissociating and feeling a lil numb about it all. She then said now is not the time to be doing that and I need to focus on planning/preparing for the worst. She got into it, including giving me the nitty gritty details of which Mexican cities have the lowest crime rates (!!) and the best peeing device to buy on Amazon so my partner doesn’t have to use public restrooms on our tentative refugee road trip?? When I mentioned not wanting to leave our community behind and fearing survivors guilt if we left and something bad happened to our loved ones, she then said that my fear of that should serve as further evidence that we should leave! She also mentioned how US money goes a long way in Thailand and we could live like rich people there, which really rubbed me the wrong way. It was especially odd because my partner and I are both white and not in a bad spot financially - like I totally understand why some people need to leave but I feel we can best help by staying put and assisting our community. I just had to share this with you, it’s so wild. Thank you again for being a source of calm and reason, as this interaction with my now ex-therapist left me really scared and panicked
jesus christ how fucking inappropriate. no therapist should be this fucking pushy and disregulating nor should they place their own anxiety onto you that way. theyre not a fucking geopolitics or legal expert theyre an lscw with an upset tummy, jesus christ. glad you were able to see through the fear and decide what is best for you anon. it IS a scary time but if they think it's categorically easier to try and be stealth trans abroad theyve flipped their shit
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folatefangirl · 23 hours ago
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You rang? Okay I'm not going to put absolutely every one I can think of but starting with the ones I've actually finished:
Wonderbook by Jeff VanderMeer: One of the best writing advice inspiration books I've ever read. It's also filled to the brim with cool art and diagrams and excerpts and I love them so much. I always pick this one back up when I'm dealing with a really bad block. 5/5 stars, absolutely amazing and weird and a great way to shake the brain out of habits that aren't working anymore, though as with all art/writing advice books, YMMV and all that.
The Man Who Played With Fire by Jan Stocklassa: Absolutely absorbing read about a true crime case more people should know about imo. So most of us know of the Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson, right? Those books were published posthumously and so most people don't know that Stieg Larsson's true passion was connecting the strings of white supremacy among Nazis and Nazi sympathizers in Scandinavia who had escaped justice after WWII. It was a personal project for him. He ended up connecting this to the assassination of Olof Palme and investigating who might have done it. It's a really fascinating read and I highly recommend.
Dreamland by Sam Quinones: Goes in-depth into the pharma aspects of opioid use disorder and the epidemic that was perpetuated by capitalism and systemic failures within US Healthcare and safety networks for our communities, the money and marketing involved, and how it especially targeted American youth through avenues such as sports medicine and so on. It's really horrifying re: how much it exploits people at the bottom to prop up the people at the top.
Night by Elie Wiesel: Memoir of the author's experience during the Holocaust. Easily one of the greatest and shortest books that I will never read again because of what is in it, but I recommend to everyone at least once. It is beautiful and haunting. Note the author has other books in this memoir series that address his recovery i.e. this is the darkest one and has the content that is hardest to stomach, so you might feel better after this rec if you also read the others.
The Emperor of All Maladies by Siddhartha Mukherjee: Really good nonfiction book on cancer that is definitely in accessible language to folks who aren't in medicine as well. It also goes into the industrialization of cancer medicine and how certain businesses knew things were causing cancer (tobacco) and still pushed their products as good and healthy. Very well-written!
The Guns of August by Barbara Tuchman: Barbara Tuchman was one of the first female historians ever widely recognized for her work, and she really deserves it for her ability to write about history and actually make it interesting (I still need to read one of her medieval history books lol). Anyway, this books covers roughly the first few months of WWI in a really detailed and well-written way and discusses aspects of the war in a way probably no history class ever discussed. Like yes, we know it was horrible and used trench warfare and chemical warfare but why was it between the countries it was with and also why did they end up in such horrific circumstances? Barbara covers that. (And also, we still very much use chemical warfare today, despite it being a crime against humanity. So worthwhile to read a book about the reasons why we consider it such a crime, imo.)
The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan: Also comes as a documentary if you'd prefer that format! It's a really good book about the reciprocal relationship between humans and what we grow and focuses on four plants: apples, tulips, potatoes, and cannabis. Pollan's central thesis is that plants influence us as much as we influence them. Anyway, as a certified plant-lover, I really enjoyed reading this from start to finish.
Good nonfiction references:
The Flavor Bible by Andrew Dornenburg: Excellent reference for any cook who enjoys improv and/or is short on ingredients and so is forced to improv. Basically lets you look up any ingredient and see what flavors and ingredients pair with it best.
The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth: Another great writing reference and repository of writing advice for any writer. Essentially details every rhetorical device/means of making figurative speech in an index with examples.
Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes: Excellent resource for anyone writing a romance novel or long-form shipping fanfiction re: how to effectively plot a romance novel and have it hit all the elements and beats that you'd like to include in it.
Honorable mentions I have yet to finish but know are good:
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann (specifically, I've heard this book goes into some true crime aspects and specifically FBI investigation procedures that the movie didn't emphasize as much since the movie rightfully wanted to feature more of the Osage cast and culture, rather than make a spectacle of their dead, which is very fair imo)
CALLING ALL READERS I really want to get more into nonfiction books and would love some recommendations.
Nonfiction books I loved include:
Born a Crime by Trevor Noah (loved the firsthand account and humor)
The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green (loved the philosophical moments)
Poisoner in Chief by Stephen Kinzer (fascinated by the horror)
Into the Planet by Jill Heinerth (fascinated by the firsthand account and horror)
Please let me know where to go from here!
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random-blurbs · 3 days ago
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a/n: i keep on seeing edits of when Mark was a bad guy and he’s just so 😋 - also costume design is up to yall didn’t wanna ruin the immersion
<<<part 1 Part 3 >>>
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Twirling around you awed at yourself as you took in your figure with the new outfit. It wasn’t a difficult suit necessarily that you asked for but still it was impressive how quickly Arc took care of it. You felt a little bad as you really wanted to find the perfect one you can fight in and look good while you’re at it. Well you think it’s fast for this nice quality suit after a month and a half of back and forth.
“How do you feel about it?” You asked excitedly at Mark as you faced his way who was lying on your bed comfortably. He wore his suit simply without his mask as you see his eyes rake over your costume. “I-it looks really nice. It suits you.” He confirmed your happy thoughts as you tried to memorize every feature of the costume. Wondering if you should put together a thank you basket for Arc by how accommodating he was with you during the entire process. “What should I give Arc as a thank you?” You ask barely knowing anything about the man as you were always there just for the costume making it quick and efficient. Mark stifled a chuckle hearing your mistake again that he refuses to correct letting Art in on it to see how long it lasts.
“Don’t ruin the costume too much, and maybe a pack of beers?” You pouted at the shitty idea of gifts but that’s the best you can do for now until you actually get to know the man. So riding off of Mark’s idea is all you can settle for not knowing what brand will be the best one for him. “So we going to train some more? Or are you just going to laze off on my bed?” You ask plopping at the end of the bed eyeing Mark curiously. He quickly took his eyes away from you looking over at girlfriend’s side instead. “Um yeah! If anything we-.” Cut off by the teleporting man that is now in the middle of the room you sit up expectantly as he seemed disheveled. He raised a brow at the two of you finding it confusing why you both were suited up on your bed but he accepted the perfect timing. “Mark we got some unknown beings at the coordinates I sent you. We want you to see if they’re friendly or not and see if that training has been working out.”
“Yes! I can test out the new suit!” You said excitedly as you looked over to Mark who seemed conflicted. “Don’t you think it’s too soon? We don’t know if they’re dangerous or not.” Surprised by his words you gave him a look of disbelief as you went through all the training sessions you’ve been having with him. “You said I’m getting better! That I can work with you what the hell!” You said angrily as he’s bringing this up in front of Cecile. You’ve been wanting to make do with your deal with him as you spent money on the card with not much care exactly so you have to get on the field as soon as possible. Before they see the card bill at least.
“I just don’t want to be distracted during the fight! I can’t comfortably go out there knowing that something can happen!” You scoffed at his weak excuse refusing to believe that’s it. He always complimented your improvement every session and who would say that just because. “Cecil send me the coordinates, I’m going either way.” He was quick to agree as you hear your phone ding in response making Mark groan as he put on his mask hiding his stressed expression. “Y/N please. Just not this mission on the next one you can go.” You shook your head wanting to get it over with and officially put yourself on the map within the other superheroes. How many times will Mark pull this card? You have to snip it in the bud before it gets to be too much.
“Mark she can make her own choices, and from the updates she’s improved significantly.” Cecile encouraged as you cast him a grateful glance, thankful someone isn’t treating you like a gentle object. “Y’know it’s not about that.” Mark countered as he seemed pissed by his words. Rolling your eyes you opened the coordinates as you opened the window not wanting to be part of their little pissy fight. “Whatever, Mark are you going to come or not?” Not wanting to ruin the mood even more, he quickly flew out the window picking you up alongside him. “What the-!” Confused by his arms being around you he grunted as he felt you move more than usual. “Stop moving if you actually wanna get there alive.” Startled by the tone that Mark has with you it pissed you have even further as you felt your heartbeat quicken in response.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” You say accusingly as you hear Mark groan not wanting to get into a fight with you. Anything but that. “Stop acting like you’re my boyfriend or some savior Mark! I don’t need that from you and you know it!” Wanting to toe the line between you two as those sleepless nights with Amber reached your memories. She truly did love Mark. But her complaints of him never being on time, always off doing something, always feeling like he’s lying, it’s getting to her. And some of those things are because of you. That guilt of lying to a friend is a lot to hold. “I never said I wanted to be your boyfriend! I just want to help you so let me!” Hitting his shoulders making him stagger in the air he was quick to hold you tighter worried that you’ll somehow leave his grip.
“I’m not some charity case, all I want is a friend and you’re being a bad one with how you embarrassed me in front of Cecile.” You shout as you see Mark’s face scrunch up in desperation as he tries to explain his side of the story. “Embarrassed? I never did that! I’ve told him so much good things about you!”
“But right there did you? You know I’m perfectly capable of defending myself, and you made it seem as if I’m some weak chick who can’t take care of herself!” You don’t want to explain every detail to Mark as it made your heart sting at his former words. Some logical part of yourself knew Mark didn’t mean it in anyway to demean you but you can’t help but feel so. You loved Mark as a friend but seeing that same friend doubt your skills in front of a superior. It left a bad taste.
“Y/N I know more than anyone your skills in defense are something that can’t be compared to anyone in the field right now.” You sadly look at him as his words stung more than easing the pain and embarrassment you felt. “Then why didn’t you say that?” You already had so much taken from you, the least that they can give you is credit for your powers. As you studied the superhero world you knew there was so many talented people but some part of yourself believed that you can do more.
“We’re here.” Letting your feet touch the ground you examined the rocky terrain. It was high winds with a dust storm being built up slowly around you. “Cecile says they went underground.” Mark warned as you see him touch his earpiece talking to Cecile. In high alert you took careful steps as you felt the rocks underneath poke out at you. Waiting for anybody to do the first move you tried fixing your breathing as you realize the nerves are starting to get to you. “Can you detect- Y/N!” Mark’s words were caught off as a blur of the light zoomed right towards you as he tried getting to you before stunning you both. Mark was shocked by your quick actions as he sees the dagger floating in the air right before it had pierced your heart. Your uneven breathing didn’t go past Mark’s ears as he sees you realize how quick everything can change in a moment’s fight. “Good job.” Not waiting for a response he saw a figure in the distance making him flying towards it, deciding to show you the trust he has in you as he left.
You don’t think you’ll ever admit to Mark how you almost shit yourself. The movement was so fast. The thought of dying right here terrified you. Floating up you didn’t want to settle yourself in a ground fight if you can as you can do more from above. Seeing Mark in the distance as he punched the figure that probably threw the dagger your eyes were quickly taken away from him as you felt something wrap around your leg. “Shit!” Putting up your hand you tried making the huge arm go down to the floor as you see a bigger body emerge from the rocks. “What the fuck…” You let out a pained groan as the hold on your leg tightened not able to fly out of it easily. “I’m sorry if you’re friendly but this hurts!” Before the monster can say anything you put your hands up towards the bend of its elbow focusing all your energy into it going downwards. You hear a sickening crack come out of it as it releases you from its grip with a shrilling shriek. Flying away from it you kept a good distance as you see it cradle its arm in pain eyeing you with a newfound anger. “You can fly?” Mark asked confused and hurt that you kept this from him.
“Dude you always picked me up every time.”
“Still you didn’t say anything!”
“I’m not arguing with you on this! Can we take care of this thing?” You ask pointing at the monster who is obviously charging up. You see a passed out person in Mark’s arm as you pointed at the still breathing figure. “What he do?”
Mark was confused by who it was as well as you tried keeping the monster in front of you in place bringing it to its knees as your hands were outstretched with slowly closing hands. “He just threw a bunch of explosives and had these rock minions.” Shrugging your shoulders at the clean first mission you motioned towards the rock monster in front of you who was still trying to fight out of your grasp. “What does Cecile want us to do with it?”
Mark was talking to Cecile through the ear piece as you felt a shiver go up your spine. Looking around there was something in your gut telling you there was something more. “What do you mean it wasn’t them?” Mark’s words left you startled as you examine the rock. You could’ve sworn a superhero fought this type of monster before and Cecile had mentioned something new.
You never had the fastest reaction speed but its like your body knew. It knew there was something coming and that you needed to protect Mark. You changed your position of your hand to now be towards his unsuspecting back. The monster now free from one of your hands tried rushing forward now making Mark look at you but it was too late as you sent him flying back. “What th-.” Something bright from above had you looking up scared of the actual being that had you guys out here, it was something entirely new. The air was knocked out of you as you realized there was a pair of hands around your throat. You felt the rock monster underneath you as you let out a yell of pain as you realize this thing was bringing you down further in the ground. Landing with a painful thud you can’t even recognize your surroundings before there’s someone straddling your hips. Their hands found your neck easily as you grabbed their arm trying to get away from them pushing them back as they barely moved even with using your powers. How the hell are they going against it?
As you gasped for air it was a split-second choice you don’t regret as you jab your finger into the man’s eyes trying to shove it in deeper as you hear it squish come out with spurts of blood. The man yelled as he pulled away from your grip letting you lay there to catch your breath. Your hand instinctively went to your throat as you took in big gulps of air terrified that it was gone for even a few seconds. You felt the man’s warm blood coat your throat now as you sat up seeing him stumble back as he gripped his face in pain.
Not giving him a chance to fly at you, you raised your hands bringing him to the floor. You hear him yell as you continue putting pressure seeing the excessive weight you have on him. You don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know if Cecile wants him alive or not. But as you hear the man yell out in pain you know you don’t have choice if he makes a wrong move. “What do you want? I don’t want to hurt you anymore if you tell me why you’re here.” You tried to say confidently easing some of the weight to let air enter his lungs freely so he can actually hold a conversation with you. The man chuckled as you see the closed eye as his other looked at you with no actual emotion. He looks like a doll.
“There was no point in sparing me.” You felt another presence as you flew backwards hearing the sound of an impact in front of you was covered with excessive dust blinding you for a second. Coughing you tried seeing through the dust as you kept your hands up for the guy you tried looking around as the dust settled. He was still on the floor as he let out a laugh weirding you out as villains were always insane. Where the hell is Mark?!
A flurry of movements caught your attention making you let go of your hold on the man and put yours hands up defensively. Connecting with you roughly you got thrown back to the rocky wall feeling the jabs of the stone on your back. Sliding down you try to gather yourself as you hear a ringing in your head now. You know this isn’t good you need to get up. But right in front of you, you can see it. Your own blood falling onto your lap as your hand weakly touched your head. Feeling the blood seep right onto it as you let your hand fall beside you limply. Shit.
Hearing movement you put your hand up stopping the figure from moving closer. But as your breathing quickened you feel one of your eyes be covered by the blood seeping down onto your face, it was child’s play for the person in front of you. “Where are you!” You finally hear Mark’s tired yell come from above making you think these people purposely separated you. It was just obvious and you fell for it. Before you can respond your weakened body faltered letting the person quickly come to your side. And grabbing your arm snapped it with no wasted time making you let out a painful wail trying to get away from the person. Tears pricked your eyes as the pain traveled all over your body as the person let go.
It was planned. Even through your tears and your noises of pain you realized it was a lure. “Get away!” You were able to yell out as the women knocked the air out of you making you double over to the floor feeling the bile trying to come out. It was too quick for your eyes as you see a speck of yellow zip right past you towards the woman. Trying to stay awake as you wiped the blood away from your eyes you hear grunts of pain and some words as you can barely make them out. With heavy heaves you tried crawling to where all the noise is as you can only start to hear yourself now. The way the rock underneath your hands leave a stinging pain, adding onto the already huge feeling. And there you see Mark punching someone into the ground as blood was sprawled everywhere. He was trying his hardest to fight back but obvious from his costume something up there had him heavily occupied. The man you took the eye from was back into the fight as you see a dark liquid shoot out of his hand hardening when landing on whatever they wanted. He was trying to put up a fight but you can see Mark struggling. You see his lips move as the woman had a smile filled with malice.
This was unfair. You’re practically out of the fight - but you know now that these people aren’t capable of getting along with those on Earth. And it’s your job to protect them and give Mark a winning chance. Sticking your unbroken hand you directed towards the man who was significantly weaker than the woman. And without mercy closed your fist seeing him explode downwards as blood seeped into the cracks and pieces of meat decorating the cave system. You don’t think you’ve seen true anger until you saw that woman’s face as you saw Mark in agape at what just happened. You gave her a weak grin taunting her which Mark took advantage of swiftly throwing a punch sending her flying.
Coughing you finally notice the blood that came along with it making you sit up to try to see what was going on. Stumbling with every step you tried to not look at the mess you made. It felt like you were falling forward shutting your eyes as your body felt way too weak to hold yourself up, you were happy that you felt the familiar safe arms you’ve been in before. “Oh Mark.” You turned to him looking him up and down seeing his costume with rips and blood smeared on it. Already seeing the bruises on his face and body forming, and you know you’re not any better. He seemed used to it as he held onto you not wanting to mess up anything about you. “Why did you do it?” You were tired. You just wanted to rest up, and get your arm fixed.
“What do you mean?” You ask confused by Mark’s solemn tone as you felt his grip on your good arm tighten but still making you wince. Was he mad at you for coming and ended up taking a good beating instead of handing it to them? He didn’t look any better so it can’t be that. “Why did you kill him?” Finally understanding you can barely glance at the mess you created which he saw. If you can’t bear to see what you did, why would you do it? He didn’t want to have this feeling towards you. But his mother raised him to never kill no matter what. Everyone has lives, loved ones, something to live for. We have no right to take that away. “He was going to kill you Mark, I did what I had to, to keep all of us safe!”
He didn’t want to accept that thought process. He didn’t even think to talk about this during training to not just kill. He thought you would’ve known, that no matter what you don’t. “You wanted me to let you die?”
“I wasn’t going to die Y/N! You jumped the gun and did that.” Breathing got more difficult from the pain coursing your body and hearing the disgust that laced with Mark’s voice. You knew he was a good person. But this was too much for you. Were you the one truly in the wrong? The man and woman was going to hurt you two. You did what’s right. “You saved one of them at least-.” You could only slowly turn as you see Cecile staring at the unconscious woman in front of him. “Let’s get ya’ll cleaned up and we can argue later who was in the wrong.” You were going to turn to Mark to ask to talk about it later but with a huge dust storm he left behind he flew right out leaving you with Cecile. As the pit in your stomach grew.
“Don’t take it to heart Y/N. Mark has some strict morales.” Cecile had made it sound like a bad thing which you never wanted to see it as. But you thought Mark understood that some circumstances means the bending of those morales. But you couldn’t be more wrong.
“Guessing from your appearance you didn’t have much of a choice. Don’t lose too much sleep on it.” It was meant to help you. But it did anything but.
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Even though he said to not lose over sleep, that’s what exactly happened. Amber worried for you would shake you awake as she hears you groaning in pain, tossing and turning. When you wake up with a pool of your own sweat the worrying gets worse. She wants you to go see the doctors but you tried waving off her worry. If anything you worried if you were making her lose sleep as she quickly deterred those thoughts saying she was fine and just wanted to be there for you. She already bought you so many teas and sleeping devices but nothing worked. And you couldn’t tell her the reason why.
As you were taken into the dream world you just remember the sight. Maybe it was your dream filling the gaps as it was a slowed version of the man’s death. Seeing every bit of blood squeezed out of him and seeing pieces of scatter all around the floor. And as you sit quietly in your classes the overthinking occurs. Did the man have a kid? Was that woman his wife? Were they forced to do this? You tried asking Cecile these questions as he just told you to heal up, your bruises barely going away after 3 weeks of the fight. And within those weeks you haven’t crossed paths with Mark that entire time. It didn’t take a genius to know that he was avoiding you. How petty.
Even if you curse him in your thoughts the feeling of him not being there is becoming more apparent. As he usually waited for you after class to take you training or go to a new place in the city to try to trigger your memories. But it’s been silence. You know he’s still around as when you’re in bed Amber comes back with a smile on her face as she tells you the new adventure Mark took her. You were happy for her.
And you can’t help but feel jealous.
But happy more than anything.
You were trying to see it as a blessing in disguise that your friend has more time with her boyfriend. But you lost the only person who understood your world. And that feeling was lonelier than you thought. The amount of times you’ve opened his contact hands hovering over the keyboard was too many times. You felt pathetic. You wanted to apologize. But you wouldn’t mean it. You can’t lie to Mark. You don’t regret killing the man. But the pain that comes with taking a life. You wanted him to know you feel it. That you aren’t this monster who takes lives just because. But what you think you can recall about yourself. Is that you are so freaking prideful. Putting away your phone every time hoping it’ll be him who reaches out. That he decides how he reacted was the one in the wrong. He wasn’t tho. He had every right and that thought pisses you off more than you want it to.
“Y/N?” You were startled at someone you don’t recognize using your name as you notice that the class had already ended. You see a tanned guy looking at you nervously. His eyes darting everywhere but nowhere at the same time clearly not wanting to make eye contact. “Yes?” You say confused as he didn’t even finish his sentence. An awkward silence filled between you two as you see the guy have an internal battle with himself. Letting him take his time you awkwardly packed your bags, standing behind your chair. “I just wanted to see if you would want to grab a coffee with me? So we can get to know each other, and help each other with the class.”
A friend?
Oh my God.
You can’t scare him off. And you acted like you were thinking about his offer when you already know the answer to it. “Yeah why not.” Nailed it.
He seemed to brighten up having a similar to Mark’s face whenever you paid him a compliment. Wanting to slap yourself for even thinking about him you took out your handing it to the guy motioning for his in exchange. It was as if he was surprised by your straightforwardness, scrambling to get his phone out of his pocket before placing it lightly on your hand. Filling in your info you can’t help but take a photo to put as your contact on his phone. “If you don’t mind putting a photo either I like putting a face to the name whenever I text.” You didn’t have to tell him twice as he gave an awkward grin to the camera then putting it as his contact photo. “I should be free later tonight if you want to go.” The heavens were blessing him as you felt the same when he agreed. For two very different reasons.
You waved him goodbye walking out the building feeling the sun hit your face. It will always feel good never feeling too warm or too cold. You wondered if you should bring anything to the first friend meetup. Was it too soon to call it that? Were you a good friend? You hate when you think something you shouldn’t be as your once happy mood was ruined by yourself. You must’ve been a bad friend if no one was concerned about your disappearance. It’s truly as if you never existed.
“My favorite roomie!” Snapping out of your depressive thoughts you see Amber walking up to you with a smile on her face and oh no…
You see Mark slowly behind her fiddling with his hands as his friend next to him looked confused by his change of behavior. “I feel like we don’t run into each other anymore on campus.” Amber pointed out as the next day of moving in you would see each other atleast twice a week. But now it’s like you had disappeared. “Makes me feel you’re avoiding us.” Amber complained teasingly as you stiffen up at the accusation. Nope it was completely Mark doing so. You tried to not look at Mark and focus on Amber as she talked about the class they were just at. “Oh and I was talking to William and he found some sleeping exercises we can try later on.” Amber mentioned motioning to the friend behind her. “Oh you didn’t have to do that.” You said worryingly not realizing how bad Amber must have it if she’s looking for other methods to get you to knock out peacefully. “It’s ok this girl at our old school showed it to me and it’s life changing. All those nightmares - poof gone!”
“Nightmares?” The first word from Mark you heard after weeks of silence he seemed stunned that you were even going through that. Confusing you on how William knows but Mark doesn’t if Amber is talking about it with people. “Um yeah I’ve been having them for last couple weeks.” You clarified making his gaze no longer on you and rather the floor. You weren’t going to push anything. “What about later today we can all do it have a sleepover?”
You were glad you had an excuse not wanting to sleep in the same room as Mark as somehow the silence between the two of you was becoming obvious. “Actually I have plans later on with someone.” It caught everyone’s attention in different ways ignoring Mark’s eyesight as Amber cupped your hands excitedly. “Wow I’m glad you found someone! What does he look like?” You tried explaining to Amber it was just friendly coffee as you pulled out your phone with his photo as his contact which she quickly denied that it was friendly. “Oh wow he’s cute in like a nerdy way.” William chimed in wanting to take a peak. They zoomed into the photo pointing out things about him you haven’t even noticed. “Is that usually your type?”
You don’t know.
Not wanting to get mad at the situation you just nodded your head in agreement. “I think I just lean towards the awkward guys. It’s obvious what they’re feeling half of the time.” You reasoned which they quickly agreed with as they see it with their resident superhero next to them. “But it’s probably a date Y/N.” Amber finished as you thought back to the guys words and with how he was acting. Maybe it was like that.
“He didn’t say it was though.”
“If he didn’t say so then it probably isn’t.” Mark piqued in agreeing with you hastily. Amber gave him a look while William put his two cents in, “Even if it isn’t do you want it to be like that?” Pointing out the most important, which was your own feelings. The three were looking at you expectantly as you tried thinking back to him. You just don’t know enough about him. He is attractive society wise. But that’s all you can see it as.
“I wouldn’t be against him exactly.” You don’t want to overthink it as you waved off whatever they’re about to say. “I’m going to go get ready anyways I don’t wanna be late.”
“What time are you even meeting him.”
“Around 7ish I know it’s barely 4 but still.” You wave them off as Mark stood there with a furrow brow refusing to make eye contact with you. You can’t be hung up on it as you walked back to your room.
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You kept on looking back and forth between your mirror, trying to see if you missed anything on your face. Makeup is flawless, hair amazing, a casual date outfit so you don’t seem too excited if maybe it was just a friend hangout. But still it gives you an excuse to go out and look cute. You hear a knock on your window startling you, but that surprise turned into annoyance. Opening your window you see Mark floating outside of it with an awkward small grin. You were glad your dorm room is facing nothing and nobody goes back here. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh um are you about to head out?” He asked nervously as you considered just shutting the window on him. But his awkward self made it really hard as the grin was too hard to ignore. “Yeah I don’t want to be too late.” Trying to cut the conversation short as you reached back to the window wanting to close it. “Wait-!” Reaching out towards the window his hands stopped yours as he leaned in closer to your room. Feeling flustered as it’s been so long he’s been close, he quickly realized the same as he took his hands back embarrassed. “Sorry. It’s just Cecile needs us to take care of this.”
Grabbing your phone you looked to see if Cecile had sent you anything. Nothing.
“Are you sure you wanted me to go with you?” You ask feeling weird he’s simply ok with you tagging along. You haven’t even talked it out. “Of course I do. I get we need to talk. But if you’re willing to hear me out after this, I wouldn’t waste this chance.” You hate how weak your heart is for him. It’s stupid that since he’s the first one to treat you with respect you want to keep him around you. You need him to stay next to you. “I did miss my friend.” You admit which made him smile wider. “I did too. I wanted to tell you so much.” Mark continued letting himself in your room closing the window as you realize how cold it was.
“You could’ve texted me…” You mumbled as you opened the chat with the guy you were supposed to meet. “The phone works both ways.” He teased as he coincidentally looked over to see the chat open with the guy. He saw that you guys talked more than just going to the coffee shop ‘date’. “Is that really your type?” Chuckling you tucked your hair behind your ear as you drafted up the dreaded last minute cancel text. “Is that so hard to believe?”
“I would think you would lean more towards very different guys.” You don’t want to question what that even means as you throw your phone on your bed too nervous to see the guys response. “Let me just get my outfit so turn around or something.” Pulling it out from underneath your bed Mark was only able to stutter out a response as you quickly changed barely giving him any time. “I heard from Amber that you guys have been going strong.” Wanting to fill in the silence as you tried to quickly put on the costume.
“W-we are its good.” That’s it? Comparing to Amber’s reaction after every date Mark’s a stark contrast. You don’t push feeling like that was too much on your part. If you’re going to hear about it it’ll be by Amber’s words.
“What about you? Do you think you’re ready?” Referencing your potential option with the guy you just stood up. You doubt he’ll believe the excuse but you just hope. Telling him you’re done he turned to look at you as he saw you think about his words. He wish it didn’t take you that long to think about it. It was just a no. You should just say no, you deserve better, he knows as your friend.
“Well I thin-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence as you felt a splitting headache reach you. Groaning your hands shot up to your head as you felt yourself move towards your bed, “Y/N!? Are you ok?” Trying to say something only pained gasp escaped your lips as your hand gripped your head tighter. It was distant. You saw someone familiar in a rundown home waiting for you by the door. He looked so familiar. Further away from him were 2 others as they look significantly older but their look in their eyes. Yelling out it was as if the memory didn’t want you to see too much as another wave of pain crashed down onto you. You feel Mark’s arms around you as you try to stifle your pained groans on your bed. “Dammit. I need to call Cecile.” Your hand shot out bringing his phone down onto the floor hoping you didn’t break it. “No Cecile please. I can’t let him know.” You wanted to trust Cecile. You do to a certain extent. But these memories. The only person you can rely on is Mark.
“Ok no Cecile but you can’t stay here in pain.” Not being much help to think of ideas, the pain was unrelenting you turned to the other side wanting this pain to go away. At this point debating on ripping your own brain out. She looked like you. She looked so much like you. You were in a daze as you see the woman give you a soft kiss on your head with an equally kind smile. You missed her.
Hot tears spilled from your eyes as they were unexplainable even to yourself. It just hurt. Too much for your heart to handle.
He didn’t know what to do as he saw you sprawled on your bed writhing. He can only assume it was memory based, but even then you shouldn’t be in this much pain. He just knew he wanted to see you out of it. Scooping you up in his arms he opened the window knowing where he might need to go. He held onto you tighter than he would like scared he was going to leave bruises on your smooth skin. He never wants to hurt you. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he did. It was a couple minutes as he sped here as quickly as he could, always leaving his bedroom window slightly ajar for speedy entering.
He placed you on his bed as he flew downstairs where his mom was peacefully watching tv until she noticed a blur making his mom shriek. He needs to put more alarms in the house. “Mark! What are you doing here?” She was happy to see him, always happy to have him bring back the noise in the house but as she hears a pained yell from upstairs she gives an indescribable look to him. “Who did you bring?”
“I brought a friend! She’s in pain and I don’t know what to do, but she didn’t want to go to Cecile. And you’re the only person I can trust with her. You always knew what to do when I was sick.” His way of thinking warmed Debbie’s heart as she asked Mark what exactly was going on with her as she ran upstairs to see you lying on his bed, worse than earlier. “It’s a memory thing I think. I don’t think her body wants her to have it though.” Debbie ordered Mark to find things around the house, which he quickly complied stumbling all around the house to find the items. She grabbed it from his shaky hands placing a cool towel on your head and rolling up the sleeves of your costume, wanting to give you as much as cool air if possible. Your body was burning. As Mark touched your hand, Debbie saw the concern grow tenfold. She knew better that it wasn’t the time to reprimand Mark. But it was almost like magic as Debbie comfortingly smoothed the hair out of your face, and fixed the towel on your head your body seemed to be in ease. Shallow, staggered breaths left your lips as your head leaned over towards Mark which he quickly positioned himself on the bed where you were the most comfortable. She couldn’t miss the look in her child’s eyes as he looked down at you. How he made sure the towel wasn’t covering your eyes too much, whenever you moved he made sure your head was in a good angle so you don’t wake up with a stiff neck, and carefully moving your hair. The adoration in his eyes, mixed with the worry. She knew.
She just didn’t want anyone being hurt especially her son.
But as she sees your scrunched up face she realizes you’re not too far off of Mark’s age. “Will her parents worry? You need to tell them.” But with one glance up at his mom she quickly understood what your situation was. You had no one. She can’t imagine leaving Mark to defend the world by himself especially one with powers always being out in dangerous situations.
“Why don’t we make her something for when she wakes up?” She wants to pull him away from the girl to give her some needed rest, and also to get his mind off of it. It’s been awhile since she’s seen him so stressed, wanted him to find an outlet someway. “I-I don’t know. What if something happens when we’re downstairs.” She placed a comforting hand on Mark’s shoulder feeling the tension underneath.
“I promise you nothing won’t happen. I can check in on her every 30 minutes-.” Seeing his expression she softly smiled at him, “Or you can as well. But let’s hurry up and make it.” Scared of hurting you he lightly placed your head onto his pillow before following his mom downstairs to make you a home-cooked meal that you deserve.
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fixing-bad-posts · 10 months ago
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ever sick (full of rage) // pride was a riot
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lesbiansplaining · 4 months ago
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not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.
#like I know we’ve been talking about it here on tumblr and i remember seeing like one or two videos on tt about it#but other than that creators really don’t seem to be engaging critically with the impact that the very nature of what they’re doing has#and look i truly do love the art that some of the people involved in the project make#like arone is truly one of the most talented cosplayers i know#ethan is an amazing actor and I’ve followed him since before he was even in the marauders#dorian is a great writer and idk the others as well but I’m sure they are all great artists#((naming the just cause i feel like being vague would be worse in this case))#and i do believe they engaged with the project with the best of intentions#without knowing or trying to afford grace on past controversy#and it truly is a horrible predicament to have your work be tainted like that for something you had no control over#but like i do think we should be questioning the very idea of how this fanfilms have been made is inherently a problem#like fanfilms are essentially fanfiction on camera#so as long as a few cosplayers want to get together with their iphones write a script and shoot at the local park I don’t have a problem#but if you are putting in place a product that somehow requires you to fundraise consistently for two years then I have a problem with it#ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SELLING THE SCRIPT TO DO SO#cause even if that script hadn’t been ai generated#that script is fanfiction and you do. not. sell. fanfiction.#seriously like… do we need to go over our abc again?#like fanart and cosplayers are a bit different in the sense that people sell fanart/do commissions and they can be professional cosplayers#but for any other fanmade project that requires you to put pen to paper (or keyboard to chatgpt ig)#you need to be engaging with several ethical questions regarding any exchange of money#and personally i don’t think that there’s been engagement with those ethical reflections#and this isn’t about any of the people involved and not even about mischief productions specifically#it’s about a wider issue in how we have been collectively normalizing a way of doing things that should not be normal#and like yes star using ai and being overall not good is bad but like can we talk about EVERYTHING ELSE please
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lilowoof · 6 months ago
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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sskk-manifesto · 7 months ago
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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mosstrades · 29 days ago
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im someone who stuggles not to let his curiosity and drive sometimes (often) cross over into an overwhelming and maladaptive need for answers, for explanation, for certainty. someone who, historically, sees making art as a primarily intellectual exercise. this is not inherently a bad thing, we all have our temperaments and this kind of attention can be a strength. but, you know that artist who makes a painting, and then only wants to show it while explaining it to you? thats me, sometimes, more often than i like. every story i used to write had another hundred page document behind it, explicating every single choice -- often i would simply read that, instead of ever actually write the story itself. the explanation precedes everything. the answers alone are the experience.
david lynch's work and philosphy has been and is a vital foothold in my efforts to learn to love the questions as our breath. learn to appreciate intuition and dreams, trust them instead of fear them. learn to see that the world has so much confusing, uncertain, strange beauty, that can be terrifying but turns sublime when you cease rejecting it from fear. when you embrace the unknown and dont try to immediately & anxiously explicate it all away, a whole new world opens up to you. that you need the darkness in order to dream, and you need dreams in order to live fully immersed in what the world has to offer. a foothold in learning to be okay with abstraction, with imperfect subjectivity, with uncertainty. to know it is not anthitetical to truth and meaning. know that to skillfully make ideas come alive into a work *is* to rationally pin them down, but that you cannot lose sight of the intuition they were born as.
his artistic intuition reminds me of what i need to have -- the trust and humility for experiencing the inexplicable and understanding that to be enough. a devotion to ideas and their realisation. a balancing force, for my endless inquiry -- to not forget to live the question in my the search for an answer. to allow some thing to go without clear or universal explanation, allow for some things to remain unresolved, allow for others to have that be their resolution. it's why his work equal parts captivates me and disturbs me -- i am very bad at this. but feel in my heart a need to get better at it. to be a better artist, a better thinker, a better searcher, a better person. you need to feel it, intuitively, quiet your endless noisy need for an answer and simply let it fill you up, let it resonate intuitively, and find in that how life makes sense to you and you alone. mediation, mindfulness, humility to sit with abstraction without trying to pin it down. more and more i try to understand this. some things don't need to make perfect sense. some things dont need answers, or their answers are not the point. some things dont need anything but to be experienced as they enter you -- like dreams do. that can lead you to the answer, and that can also be enough in itself. that can be just an intrinsic value in being alive to experience it. and so often, it is all in conversation with the search for joy. it's why he feels so captivating, so unique, so tremendously alive. why people use the word "visionary" when talking about him. because he knew how to use his medium in all the potential he could see, so that it let you live in the strangeness and questions. he understood them as sublime, he understood them as enough, he understood them as a joy. he understood them as beautiful. and his memory will remind me to do the same; always to seek the space to dream.
#(in dreams / oh in dreams / the snake will find its tail)#i am! a guy! who likes! answers!!#someone who resolves his fear of monsters in the closet by picking up a flashlight and brazenly throwing open the door!!#but at my worst i am also extremely anxious and thus avoidant!!#so i will resolve my fear of monsters in the closet by opening the doors wide and then simply pretending to see whats inside#searching for answers without the bravery to sit with questions#this makes me worse!! it makes me worse!!!!#thank you david lynch for reminding me over and over again that the way to stop being afraid of the dark#is to not stop at all#but instead embrace that disquiet. open the closet door wide as it will get. turn off the flashlight#and simply sit in front of it#observing -- simply observing -- whatever shapes emerge#letting them fill you up#and then doing something with them#also... man#lynch is one of the few things my mom and i almost completely agree on and could connect through#despite everything i feel like she gets this necessity for humility and curiosity and quieting down your need for answers#and not to get overshary on the tumblrs but it is a source of friction at times#because of my me and like. the abuse. i dont want someone whose failure of self knowledge gave me cptsd to tell me i should *think less*#but idk it's precious that through lynch we find a common ground in which to agree about it#i think i get what she was trying to tell me a little better now. or maybe what she would've liked to be trying to tell me#idk tldr i had a violent childhood where nothing made sense and everything was scary so now i struggle not to be desperate for#certainty and knowledge as protection. and the way i always found that was through art and philosophy so. yeah.#lynchs work helps me like... calm down a bit about that and do it better#to learn to love the strange and the confusing and the disquieting not see it always as a threat#to sit in the dark and see it for what it is. painful and beautiful. tender and hard. its deeply relieving. its good#hole in the world dude im gonna miss him really bad all i can feel rn is sadness gratitude and joy#forever in dreams#david lynch#mine
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vmures · 7 months ago
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Highly recommend reading this essay about grappling with art and the creator's bad acts/monsterousness:
I've struggled to put much of this into words myself. It's a hard thing to grapple with and I think the point being made in the article is incredibly valuable. When we work so hard to claim we only take in unharmful art, we willingly blind ourselves to the truth that we too are capable of great harm, which in turn can perpetuate abusive systems. It can create this mindset: If I am not capable of harming others, because I am a righteous and "good" person, then any harm caused must have been the fault of someone else. You are essentially gaslighting yourself, which leads to gaslighting others.
If you asked my mother, she would tell you that she was a great mother. She gave up so much for her kids and sacrificed all her own wants and needs. She'd tell you that I was a fragile, overly emotional child. That I was difficult and over imaginative. She'd express confusion about how I went from the perfect, quiet baby to the angry, depressed teen, to an adult who no longer spoke with her.
She'd never mention the thrown objects, the rages, the climbing into my bed (not just to comfort me after a nightmare), the belittling, the emotional manipulation, the times she told me I must be mistaken and played off my observations as imagination (gaslighting me), the constantly changing expectations and rules. Because she was incapable (and probably still is incapable) of acknowledging that she herself had the capacity to do the same things her father did to her. In her head she was a victim and a good person, and she used those ideas to shield herself from her own monsterous behavior.
It is important to acknowledge that you can and will fuck up. That no one is purely good or purely evil. That we all contain the potential for both helpful and harmful acts and that if we are not mindful of others actual needs our helpful acts can be harmful.
When it comes to art, I do think it is important to not just shun, without thought or contemplation, art when we find out something awful about the creator. What we learn will change the way we see the art, but that goes from learning anything about the creator--good or bad.
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picklesthenonbeanary · 19 days ago
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running low on tagged drafts, gonna need to make some more or actually finish the ones I’ve already got started, oop-
I feel like I’m making empty promises on my Au, it exists I just have been getting distracted and also life is getting in the way a bit. I’m gonna finish my rant eventually my brain just has to actually cooperate with me on it, agh!
#Not art#text post#update I guess?#Gotta make me some more drafts. I have atleast 2 new drawings to share and I gotta get around to making more#Hyperfixation posts here I come!#I wanna make some fandom propaganda for my other hyperfixation. I wanna share my favorite comic around. It’s way to underrated guys#I need to consume other people’s fanart of it so bad! But like I’ve gone through and looked at most of the atleast easier to find ones (tag#And stuff on here. Twitter. devianart and I think that’s it. Maybe instagram but idk how to use that app to save a life)#Both these fandoms are connected in ways that I’d need to explain for you to understand#I’m gonna explain it cuz I can lol#Ok so I find dwtb on tapas. Then I want more comic content so I look at bio’s other stuff. I find and read both msb and planet ribbon.#I want more still so I go to tumblr. Consume official and fanart there. One person was making both msb and tpoh cross over fanart.#I ate it and then went to check out tpoh for myself. Feel in love with that comic as well. Years later/a few months ago I start seeing#Lovestory art and ggg reblogs on my dash (I wonder who that could have been) (twas atleast two people I follow that were doing it so it’s#Not all their fault like I make it out to be. Or was it…). I get an insane hyper need to find out what this cool new thing is out of nowher#. Over a month later and we are here in the now. Ugh yeah. It’s all connected. That’s my big conspiracy#Anyways dwtb just started updating again and I literally just found out like on the 23-24th so you should totally go check it out if you#Like robot. Object heads and absolutely delicious stories. Msb is on the older side and embodies a lot of early internet style Wild West to#It bit it gets really good in the second half and dwtb… well let me tell you the writing on that thing is absolutely amazing! Gets better#Every update. Worth the occasional hiatus’ and long breaks. The creator is somehow making me feel bad for a character I’ve loathed since#Day 1. Like that’s gotta be a sign of good writing If ive ever seen one. It’s so queer too some of the best rep I’ve read in a story#Was my main source of it before ggg lol. Love me some good rep I do#Alright I’m gonna post this now. Been ranting in tags for longer than I’d like to admit. peace!
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dzozef · 22 days ago
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depression so bad it got my dad who doesnt believe in mental health telling me that i should go back to therapy
#yapping#new art coming today/tomorrow i promise 😭 ive just been sleeping really bad and busy with work and with doing my taxes#yes that is correct i pay my taxes for my freelancing im that serious of an adult#paycheck so fat i gotta report it cause it cant go under the radar 😩#im kidding but fr ive been going back n forth with the taxes people cause they have some error on their website that caused my stuff#to appear wrong and look like i havent payed but its all good now and should probably be fully done one of these days#but also im not kidding my freelancing paycheck is like my regular paycheck + another half of it 😭 n i rly dont wanna mess with owing taxes#i have drawn in my notebook though.. maybe ill make one of those doodles into digital art....#i have one of diavolo ordering a burger at a fast food place.... because hes a relatable character and i was craving a burger at that moment#we will see..... heh#the tags seem so unrelated to the post i just realized#anyway point is. my depression is bad bla bla bla bla im considering therapy again cause i think being medicated again would be good for me#they were at my place yesterday n my mom thinks i should go back on antidepressants#esp cause i have it better than most ppl probably#i am basically a home owner at 26. of an apartment in the city center of the capital. a large one. with a great view.#i have a really good paycheck and a good job#i have friends i have a bf... i have a good relationship with my parents....#technically i have nothing to complain about#but i just feel so bad its insane. all while i cant justify feeling bad#idfk#like i went from being lower middle class to just buying myself anything i want the second i think about wanting it#and yet all i got was more depressed#idfk !!!! the feeling of being trapped in ur own life never leaves u no matter how good things get i guess#anyway when i get back on antidepresseants and get better again its over for u hoes
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ktempestbradford · 1 year ago
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I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me
It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:
At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.
On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."
Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:
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But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:
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It gets worse.
"Tempest, how could it possibly--"
source of this video that also includes this charming description:
Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'
There is already a meme.
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Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:
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Who has already done an interview!
As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!
Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.
The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.
Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!
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I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.
Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:
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I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.
Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:
Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.
Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.
Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.
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I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.
This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.
Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:
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With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"
"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:
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There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.
The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.
Even better, this weirdly grainy image?
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From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.
If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.
As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.
And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...
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This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.
Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.
As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...
Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.
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You cannot make this stuff up.
But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.
Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.
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HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.
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drchucktingle · 2 months ago
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a moment to check the gears and cogs
feel like i want to talk a little on the message of a recent post because i think it is an important point. when i say that you do not need to QUALIFY OR DEFEND your love of tinglers or my work in general, i am pointing out an interesting social anomaly that happens with my art and with queer art.
as an autistic buckaroo i notice patterns, and on social media i see them a lot. little phrases that come up again and again with my art. ‘yes THAT chuck tingle’ ‘its ACTUALLY good’ ’my favorite author i have never read’ ‘so bad its good’. these are always added after a POSITIVE comment about me
they also all have something in common. they are trying to distance the posters SINCERE JOY and give them an out socially. it is very very very subtle, but they are all saying ‘yes i like this but here is a sliver of acknowledgment that it is also weird or bad or ironic. in not REALLY fully in'
essentially these are added because it means the poster can escape their very real joy if needed. try applying these phrases to any other popular author. its much more subtle with the first two: ‘i liked all fours by miranda july, yes THAT miranda july. its ACTUALLY good’. what does this imply?
the other examples are a little more blatant but lets try them with other authors anyway. imagine saying ‘youre my favorite author i have never read’ to stephen king. would you EVER say that to someone? what does that imply? how about 'i love your books theyre so bad theyre good'. horrifyingly rude
lets dive into saying 'CHUCK TINGLE is my favorite author i have never read’ sounds unusual when substituting other authors because theyre usually not queer or autistic or making outsider art. to be blunt, why CHUCK gets it all the time is because it really means 'i like chuck tingle but im not gay’
while we have mostly culturally evolved past the idea that saying ‘no homo’ is some kind of joke, that FEELING is still around. it has just burrowed a little deeper. honestly it might never go away, or at least take centuries. remember these people GENUINELY LIKE MY BOOKS but feel they MUST qualify
should also be pointed out that LEFT and LIBERAL people are the ones who say this stuff to chuck. they do not MEAN to harm, and if you ask them directly how they feel about queer or neurodivergent people they would not express the same opinion as their subliminal comments might imply
the final elephant trotting by is while some of this is homophobia and fear of a neurodivergent other, it is also just plain old IRONY POISONING. its conditioning from being raised on an internet where sincerity was ‘cringe' and loving something was a weakness or joke. these problems work in tandem
so whats the point? what can we do? first of all, just recognizing these patterns is a start. i didnt HAVE to write all of this today but i think its important to be aware and to look inward and think about the gears and cogs that churn behind the things we say. NEXT step is trying to push past it
if you have done these things in the past, i want you to know i am NOT AT ALL UPSET. i am not mad or hurt and i do not think any less of you. you can trot by my side any day and you are trying your best to prove love. we are ALL just tryin our best, just consider this a friendly chat between buds
proving love can happen in BIG WAYS and it can happen in SMALL WAYS that we barely see. just take a moment and think ‘WHY am i saying this? WHY am i in this pattern to distance myself from outsider or queer art?’ a little moment of consideration goes a LONG way buckaroos. LOVE IS REAL
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fishtank32 · 2 years ago
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Please expect a serious slow down of my posting, especially fanart or drawings. I'll be getting a second job soon so I'll be busy every weekend from now on + plus my school is starting next month.
#josh speaks#i feel....so grown up... two jobs.. early college.... extra curriculars#/j but like ohhh my y god i am getting oldderrrr#n e wayz how have yall been. ik its been a hot minute since ive done much up here beside cry over legos and slenderman series from 2009#OH MY GODH SPEAKING OF LEGOSSSSSS#almost bought one of the new dr sets. bcs i want sora and arins minifigures#BUT ITS SO DAMN EXPANSIVE!!! SINCE WHEN DID THEY COST THIS MUCH?!?!?#so. we will just. have to wait til my next paycheck#ALSO my new job is cleaning houses again and i fucking hate it sorry ive cleaned houses and apartments before and its god awful#you think catering weddings are bad? go clean a giant 3 floor 28 room god knows how many baths big ass house in the middle of the southern#summer heat. that? truly makes me consider if i should kms. but the pay is good so 🤷‍♂️ tis whatever#id make like 100~ a week i think? so . more money to fuel my lego collection ig?#also also also. did an art trade with my friend AND THEIR ART IS SOOO SO CUTE LIKE STRAIGHT SEROTONIN OHMG#hope they like what i did but twas super super tired. so idk. oh also! watched good omens s1!! it was fun i enjoyed. reminded me of doom pat#rol a bit? that show was fun in its own right. so please expect good omens fanart . Eventually. hopefully before exam season🙏🙏#i need to re read all my bob books bcs my coach will chew me out if i forget everything but luckily i have like. a really good memory (lie)#im just rlly good at cramming books 1 hr before competition. yk how it js#nother reminder my reqs r open it just might take me a minute#got locked out of my tumblr acc on the web so that sucks. tis whatever . (its not im p upset)#oh i got my mom to watch nimona with me today!! she enjoyed. and put some nails on bcs i havnet done that in 4ever#alao bought new skirts today. this has eneded up me just telling yall abt my day but. lets be real for a sec i domt have anyone to rlly talk#to so. the tags of my tumblr posts will have to do. are the new eps of dr out yet or is it just leaks (ive been avoiding them like the plagu#e so far) ALSO#im like 60 percent sure ill be working as the stage manger for my schools next production PLEASE pray for me. i am going to DIE#(not rlly its just hell. HELL) and then that + work + college + BOB + highschool + wanting to post my drawings online#for a while its gonna be sketchbook spreads + doodles srry#oh also also also . would abyone like to see a few snippets of my sketchbook when its done? we r like almost there#hoping to finish it b4 school starts. and get my license. jesus christ theres so much to doo!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally get what all those#shojou girls were complaining about!!! this is hard!!!!!!!!!!#anyways. tis all. farewell good friends. sincerely -fishtank32
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weirdmageddon · 3 months ago
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i was thinking about this since i posted earlier about us needing to address the trend of gen z men being pulled into alt-right pipelines might have contributed to the outcome of this election.
i think contrapoints is really smart, and from what i’ve seen, has been way more effective at getting people out of harmful ideological pipelines than i’ve seen from the majority of leftists online who instead berate and drive a greater wedge of antipathy (though i understand why! and it can be very hard to have empathy for the people who see you as a threat). that antipathy makes the right more radicalized because they don’t feel like they can talk about anything without the “crazy lefties” who won’t even engage with them. where did these issues come from?
what i’ve noticed, and i’m even guilty of this, is that people don’t interact with groups of people whom they refuse talk to, which makes realities more hypothetical in the minds of their opponent since they aren’t open to seeing reality from their perspective. this is true on both sides. from what i’ve observed, it seems to originate from hypothetical perception of the opponent, but when people treat those perceptions as though they are real, it becomes real with their actions, which then makes the antipathy justified to someone. again, on both sides.
what makes contrapoints so successful at breaking this down is that is that she creates these socratic dialogue skits that represent real people and ideologies, has a sense of humor, isn’t afraid to discuss these things, reframes how we see these things by introducing nuance to both sides. she’s a leftist, but she also knows how to engage without ripening division, of meeting someone halfway and being completely humble about it. she is able to soften extremes.
she is able to get into the mind of people who aren’t aligned with her views, understand the nuance and rationales from a realistic perspective, breaking down a big block of “this is all bad” into “ok, some of this makes sense…”, what this does is create a space for self-reflection that doesn’t feel ham-fisted (which could otherwise cause people to double down on their beliefs instead of opening up to other perspectives outside of their bubble). while also being entertaining and well-produced on top of it.
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what she is doing is creating these scenarios and socratic discussions that SHOULD be happening in real life but aren’t in this polarized social climate.
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i graduated from new college of florida this spring, the small liberal arts college that was in headlines across the country for ron desantis’s board of trustees hostile takeover and exodus of professors.
new students and student athletes from conservative walks of life were being basically incentivized to go there who were taught to fear the lgbt boogeyman growing up in their conservative communities. but once they actually interacted with lgbt students there, many of them they felt like they understood them, and they weren’t as bad as they were told they would be. new college of florida was also famous for getting derek black (child of the man who created stormfront, and godchild of the kkk grand wizard david duke) out of white nationalism. their peers at NCF called them out but also interacted with them, invited them to dinner. black wrote a book about it.
now of course some people are too far gone and you shouldn’t waste your time with them, like derek’s family for example. but i also think a lot of people who voted for trump are not informed, are operating off of emotion and knee-jerk mentality because it’s easier than thinking, and they are not seeing the discussions that need to be had to change their mind because fuckin…nobody is doing them.
and we feel this visceral disgust to people of the opposing party because of its associations. i just want to know how it happened and how we got to be like this. i think social media is partly to blame and also the algorithms that take people down dangerous pipelines and sharpen them, insulate them.
i myself understand the vitriol you might have for anyone that voted for trump. i feel so disappointed that half the people of this country voted against our collective benefit. and i’ve seen a lot of sentiment from the left today saying “every single person who voted for trump is dead to me. i disowned you”.
you can see the reality of trump’s demagoguery, and it’s so obvious, but what i want to know is: what do they see? why did they vote for him? emotion and entertainment travel faster and have more reach than reason. and it’s that’s why i think contrapoints’s videos are exemplary at tackling this ideological divide. this is something i’ve been thinking about for months before today and i thought now was a better time than ever to give my two cents on it.
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