#i think we should acknowledge ed did a hell of a lot of bad things to people for no reason (and im not talking about the regular ol piracy)

[arsenicflame]

why does it feel like the only options anymore are babygirl ed teach into oblivion and pretend like he never did anything bad, or make him the worst person on the fucking planet and incapable of doing anything to earn any forgiveness (not that he even tries)

[gettingfrilly]

Let's talk about Eddy and empathy

Okay, so. Hand-me-down Ed.

Lotta people talk about this episode. Lotta them have the take that the boomerang unleashed Eddy's repressed nurturing side. This is a very valid interpretation when you consider the abuse Eddy has endured and all the reasons he has to repress any nurture-type feelings. But here is the thing that I think. Or don't think. I don't think Eddy represses a secret nurturing side. I think it got repressed by outside forces when he was young and squishy and moldable, and now there's not really a whole lot of nurturing in there left for him to repress himself. I truly believe the intent of the episode was to show the Eds being the opposite of who they truly are. And Eddy, truly, in my opinion, is an incredibly traumatized kid with some really unfortunate learned behaviors and underdeveloped empathy muscles that just aren't gonna fully recover.

There are two episodes I wanna talk about to back up my claim.

Ah, Dueling Eds. Who doesn't like Dueling Eds? I certainly consider it one of my favorite episodes. It's a surprisingly serious episode with a genuine look at how Eddy navigates the consequences of hurting someone. That long silence in the van with Double D? His continuing insistence that he didn't do anything? Continually asking throughout the whole episode what the hell is even going on? Mwah. Chef's kiss. I've seen a few different theories for what's going on with Eddy in this episode, but I've always felt that he genuinely has no idea what he did, why everyone's acting the way they are, and is incredibly fucking frustrated by how little sense the whole situation is makes. He knows it has to do with the fishball; he even brings it up himself when he's talking about the incident with Double D later. But he doesn't understand why that was wrong. He doesn't get how something so inconsequential in his own mind could be so hurtful to Rolf, and he is either incapable of, or refuses to acknowledge, that just because it wasn't a big deal to him, doesn't mean it can't be a big deal to someone else. (We call this ~theory of mind~ btw and it's a big component of empathy.)

Another favorite of mine, Little Ed Blue. I've talked about this scene before because I love it for a lot of reasons, and one of those reasons is the insight we get into how Eddy's emotions have probably been addressed by those around him in the past. I mean, jeez, this is Ed! He's one of Eddy's most important people! A true and dear friend he's had since he was a toddler and one of the few people in the world who outwardly likes him and gets along with him. And what does he do when Ed's having a bad day? Calls him a wuss, laughs at him, invalidates his feelings, and tells him to get over himself. This is some grade fucking A asshole behavior, even for Eddy. And yet he does it easily without a shred of guilt, convinced this is the correct way to address a friend who's in the throes of misery. I mean, just look at this face.

Has Ed ever made a face like that? His feelings got fucking hurt man. (also, as a sibling, I can say that this is categorically the most Sibling moment between Eddy and Ed in the entire show.)

IMO, someone with a repressed nurturing side wouldn't be that baffled by how Rolf is reacting or be that cruel to their own best friend. This looks more like someone who genuinely has a low amount of empathy. So what's actually going on? Do I think Eddy is just some cold, uncaring asshole? Of course not! He's a traumatized 12 year old kid who's endured intense physical abuse. Cruelty was normalized for Eddy at a very young age. Why should Rolf be so upset about a fishball? It's not like Eddy beat him or something. And what's Ed got to be so miserable about? Men shouldn't act like wusses. Men are supposed to just get over it. And how could Eddy be wrong for thinking these things? It's what he was taught, after all. He learned these behaviors from his hero, after all. This is all he knows. This is what makes sense to him. It's Rolf and Ed who are being ridiculous.

That kind of stunted growth to someone's empathy isn't something so easily fixed. This is why I don't headcanon or write a more grown up Eddy as someone who learns he doesn't have to repress his nurturing side anymore; I see him as someone who's learned that nurturing and empathy are part of the whole "having friends" deal. He's learned that nurturing and empathy are what's considered normal, learned that it's what's expected of any decent human being, man or not. He's also learned, a la BPS, that you have to be a good friend to have good friends. It doesn't come naturally to him. It's gonna take a lot of hard work and growth on his part. But even if Eddy doesn't always understand why he needs to be gentler, needs to just listen, needs to offer a shoulder to cry on, that doesn't mean he won't do it for the sake of his friends. Because even if empathy ain't his strong suit, even if being empathetic is hard fucking work, he still genuinely and wholeheartedly cares about his friends and cares about doing right by them.

[adzeisval]

Reality

A Sequel to Captain's Order, you can read it here.

Ed groaned in pain as the light hit his eyes. What the fuck was it so bright for? His head was pounding and his mouth was drier than hardtack. He didn’t want to move but the fucking sun was still in his face. He sat up blinking. It was at least mid morning, Izzy should have been in to bring him tea already. 

Ed got up and made for the door. His boot scraped across glass and he looked down at the broken bottle. 

“Fuck.” 

He’d thrown the bottle at Izzy, he remembered. Izzy had come in asking to go to port, asking for a doctor and Ed had dismissed him. Why the fuck had he done that? Even drunk as he was he could make out how ill Izzy was. 

Ed felt sick and it had nothing to do with being hungover. Izzy had said something about not getting up hadn’t he? All the years Ed had known Izzy the man only stayed in bed when he was truly ill or when Ed ordered him to. Izzy didn’t ask for help unless he was desperate. 

Ed reached for the door and hoped he wasn’t too late. The door wouldn’t open. 

“What the fuck?”

“You awake in there?” 

“Jim? What the fuck is going on?”

“This is a temporary mutiny,” Jim said. 

“A temp…that’s not a thing!” 

“We decided it was,” Jim said. 

“Care to explain what a temporary mutiny is?” Ed asked, wondering if he could kick open the door without falling on his ass. Or throwing up. 

“Just until we reach port and get Izzy to help.” 

Ed swallowed, “How is he?” 

“Bad. Really bad. He’s burning up and won’t wake up,” Jim said. 

“Fuck. You said we’re heading to port?” Ed said. 

“Yes.” 

“Good,” Ed said. He should be kicking down the door. He should kick down the door and keelhaul every single person on the ship but…Izzy needed help. Ed couldn’t remember exactly what he’d said to Izzy but he didn’t think it was very nice. 

“What the hell is wrong with me,” Ed whispered to himself. 

He spent most of the day in bed nursing his hangover and worrying over Izzy. They were probably only a day or so from port. He hoped that Izzy would be alright. He didn’t want Izzy to die. 

Ed couldn’t sleep that night so he was awake when Jim came into the cabin. 

“Izzy’s  not doing well,” Jim said. All thoughts of punishing Jim and the others fled Ed’s mind. He needed to get to Izzy.  

Ed could smell the rotting flesh before he entered the room. He knelt next to Izzy and could feel the heat coming off of him.

“Izzy? I’m here mate it’s… it’s Edward.” 

Izzy moaned a little but didn’t wake or acknowledge Ed. He settled down next to Izzy and took his hand. 

After a while Edward took the cloth from Izzy’s head and dipped it in cool water and put it back on. Izzy was burning hotter than Ed ever felt. Izzy was so weak, it seemed to take all his effort just to breathe. 

“Hold on Izzy, we’ll get you help.” 

Ed took the cloth off again and wiped the sweat from Izzy’s face. He looked at Izzy really looking at him for the first time in a long time. The gray hair, wrinkles, he and Izzy had aged a lot since they first met. They had been together a long time. It had gone a bit sour of late but…fuck he didn’t want Izzy to die. Edward had done this to Izzy. Edward had cut off Izzy’s toe and now Izzy was ill and possibly dying.

“Stay with me Iz,” Ed said. 

Izzy stirred and opened his eyes, “Ed?”

“Hey Iz,” he said. 

Izzy looked at him for a while then sighed, “Not real.”

“I’m real Iz, I’m here,” Ed squeezed his hand. 

“Not real, he doesn’t care.” 

“I am here and I do care Izzy, I was cruel to you and I’m sorry. You…this is my fault. I did this to you. I’m so sorry Izzy. I’m sorry. I’ll do all I can to save you.” 

Izzy smiled slightly, “I wish you were real.” Izzy slipped back into sleep and Ed started to cry. 

“I’m sorry Izzy, please hold on.”

(Part Three coming soon!)

[knowlesian]

quick thought because rewatching the finale for ed means rewatching for stede: god, the ‘is there anything you want to tell me about doug’ / ‘on a whim’ scene with mary and stede kills me every single time and is just... such a perfect and human example of bad communication.

stede enters that exchange wanting mary to confess she’s sleeping with doug, and given his followup doozy of ‘i forgive you’ later in the episode he wants an apology for it.

he does not say: i know you’re sleeping with doug, and knowing that bothers me.

which would be a good thing to say! mary could reply (as i would reply) something along the lines of ‘you thinking you have the right to be bothered by this in a way that ends in you trying to tell me what to do with my body is the kind of shit i am not gonna put up with, so you should quit while you’re behind’.

he does not do that.

instead he goes on a fishing expedition. he doesn’t even just start a conversation: he starts with purposefully clearing his throat, doing it again when the first time fails, loud enough mary has to answer. 

then he comments that she came in late last night (subtext: i know why you came in late) and mary confirms it then tries once again to go back to her newspaper and head off this on-coming train.

then stede does the thing that makes me want to claw my face off, and says "is there anything you want to tell me". (with the follow-up that makes it clear what he means, without him having to say what he means: “say... about doug?”)

for personal reasons i have a lot of trouble dealing with people who do this; outside a few exceptions, that sentence usually translates to ‘i have a problem i want to air, but i’m certainly not going to approach this like a healthy adult in a no-bullshit manner’. and without exception, it always makes me want to snap back ‘NOPE but it sure seems like you fucking do, so why don’t you quit trying to force me to start this conversation for you and say what you gotta say’.

mary apparently feels the same way, and she reads him to hell and back: then she ends on ascribing his actions to whims and it veers left into noooo, don’t do that-ville. her saying that instead of what she actually means (which is: i don’t know why the hell you did this, and i do not know because you never told me why) is understandable, but not the road to take if having a productive discussion is the goal. assigning motive instead of assessing behavior in these situations is a bad call, if only because it allows people to jump on that moment of editorialization and evade your actual point.

(this is also one of those things where how much weight a person puts on the generally accepted implications of the word whim— aka: that there was no reason behind it at all— is gonna change the use of the word, but for now i’ll take whim = he did it for no reason and/or no good reason.)

stede does not factually object to anything mary said. he acknowledges: yeah i did all that, i just object to the word whim re: why i did everything i absolutely did.

and that’s just... oof. now: this is a super human dynamic. when people say to us ‘but i didn’t mean to’ it feels like an excuse; when we say it to others, it feels like context.

mary’s point is not the whim part; assigning motivation is her frustration speaking. (alongside her simple lack of anything else to think, given stede left and then showed back up in fairly short succession, and he did not give her a reason why he did it either time.)

her point is: you left. you came back. you have no right to blow up my life once again, especially not this second time.

stede doesn’t actually engage with that part of what she says. he only quibbles over her use of the word whim.

that’s the point where he reeeally goes wrong. if he had said ‘i swear that it wasn’t on a whim, mary, but you’re right and i’m sorry’ and then explained his reasoning during the resulting conversation that could open up, that engages with the actual point and allows him to explain himself and admit his own pain while also owning that pain we cause is not mitigated by the motivations behind it, only contextualized.

it’s just such a believably bad conversation, where stede sets the tone and mary ends up falling back on bad argument habits herself instead of just focusing on addressing the issues at hand. 

love it, ngl. so good.

[seasonsofeverlark]

Amazing and Corny

Author: @hutchhitched​

Prompt: Corn Maze [submitted by @sunsetsrmydreams​]

Rating: T

Summary: Stressed over classes, Katniss gives in when her friend Gale insists she join their group of friends at a corn maze. Somehow, she finds herself lost with Peeta, the golden boy she’s admired from afar since their freshman year of college. As a thunderstorm rumbles overhead, they find their way out of the maze and discover each other, too.

Author’s Note: Thanks to @mandelion82​ for the extra set of eyes.

____________

Katniss Everdeen looked around her, wondering how in the hell she’d been dragged along on what her best friend Gale Hawthorne insisted was an adventure. As far as she was concerned, this qualified as a misadventure more than anything else. She didn’t have time for this, anyway. Only six weeks left in the semester, and she was at a damn corn maze an hour from the middle of nowhere.

“I don’t know how I let you talk me into something so stupid,” she grumbled, but Gale just knocked his shoulder against hers and laughed.

“Oh, come on, Catnip,” he chided. “It’ll be fun. Besides, I hear a certain someone might make an appearance, and I know how tantalizing that can be for the young co-eds such as yourself.”

“Shut up,” she snapped and immediately blushed the same shade as the sugar maple across the road. Ducking her head to hide the distinctly scarlet hue her cheeks had flamed, she crossed her arms over her chest and shrunk in on herself. Besides, who talked like that? Apparently Gale when he was messing with her.

Peeta Mellark. That’s who Gale meant, and her stomach fluttered at the possibility he might attend the evening’s event. Peeta was friends with Delly Cartwright who knew Annie Cresta who dated Finnick Odair who was friends with Johanna Mason who her traitorous best friend happened to be dating. It was not her favorite relationship of his.

“Relax. He might not come. Anyway, it’s not like you’d talk to him if he was here. You haven’t managed to yet the entire time we’ve been on campus together.”

Katniss hung her head because Gale was right. Peeta seemed to be friends with everyone at Panem State, the mid-level public university in the Midwest she and her friends attended. Everyone, that was, but her. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried. She’d run into him multiple times over the past two and a half years, but every time she clammed up, unable to speak and overwhelmed by his warmth. As far as she was concerned, Peeta Mellark was amazing. She adored his affable nature and the corny jokes he told. Her family always called them groaners, but he’d often joked he was practicing for when he became a dad. Peeta shone like the sun, and she paled in comparison.

And that made her feel even worse. Peeta had dad jokes, and Katniss quaked at the thought of future children. She wasn’t even 21 yet, and she didn’t understand the tendency of those around her who had baby fever. At least that was one thing Gale’s girlfriend had going for her. Johanna Mason didn’t seem to have a maternal bone in her body.

“But what if he does?” she mumbled and scuffed the toe of her shoe in the dust.

“Peeta?” At her nod, he sighed. “If he shows up, you might want to actually speak to him. At this point, it’s obvious you’re uncomfortable around him. He’s even asked the group if he did something to offend you.”

“He is offensive,” Katniss groused. “He’s too bright and shiny. Too nice. Too charming. I mean, give the rest of us a break. We can’t live up to his golden boy perfection.”

Gale rolled his eyes and looked over her shoulder. “Hey, Jo,” he called. “Delly, Peeta, Finn, Annie. Good to see you.”

Katniss’ stomach dropped to her feet. There was no way he hadn’t heard her. No possibility that Peeta Mellark hadn’t witnessed her confession that she thought his perfection was rivaled by none. How in the world could she play this off? She needed a place to hide. She was just about to bolt when Gale grabbed her forearm and tugged her against his side.

“Stay put,” he growled under his breath. “You avoiding him is ridiculous.”

Katniss elbowed him in the ribs, but he only acknowledged it with a barely audible grunt. Instead, he turned to his girlfriend and kissed her, which devolved into a filthy, open-mouthed, possibly pornographic grope fest that only ended because Finnick wolf whistled.

“Get a room! We’re here for the corn maze, not a tryst with a corn cob.”

“I don’t know. I think the corn might be jealous of Hawthorne’s cob,” Johanna retorted and turned her lascivious grin on Gale. “Later, lover,” she promised.

“Gross,” Katniss mumbled, and Peeta snorted. He hid his mouth and covered the chuckle with a cough, but his eyes sparkled mischievously when he glanced her way.

“Let’s go,” Finnick said, enthusiasm practically vibrating out of him as he led the way to the corn maze entrance. He purchased tickets for their group of seven and then tugged Annie into the maze. Katniss trudged along at the back of the group.

It didn’t take long for them to spread out, the couples drifting away from Katniss, Delly, and Peeta as the duos held hands and snuggled together. Delly and Peeta chatted companionably, while Katniss glowered and tried not to feel like a third wheel. Peeta attempted to engage her a few times, but she brushed off his efforts and stopped paying attention until they were fairly deep into the maze.

“Uh, Delly, do you have any idea where we are?” Peeta asked, shocking Katniss out of her stupor.

The night had cooled, humidity and the threat of rain making the air seem colder than it should. Katniss glanced upward and blanched at roiling clouds and lazy lightning sparking in the atmosphere. She shivered involuntarily and shifted closer to the other two.

“Not a clue,” Delly answered cheerfully. “Let’s try this way.” With that, she was off, leaving Peeta and Katniss in her wake. They stood together in semi-stunned silence before Peeta turned to her with a sheepish expression.

“Well, alone at last,” he said in an attempted joke that fell flat.

“We need better friends,” Katniss sighed. “The whole lot of them are terrible people.”

Amused, Peeta returned, “I feel like that says something about us, that we’d both choose crappy friends and allow them to, first, talk us into a corn maze on the night of a predicted thunderstorm during a really busy time in the semester and, second, abandon us like this. It feels like a plot to a bad horror film or something.”

“Horror or Hallmark?”

Peeta ran a hand down the back of his neck nervously and cocked his head. “What do you mean by Hallmark?”

“Oh, you know. Those corny movies where a woman goes back to her hometown and reconnects with some hot guy who convinces her the country is more wholesome than the city and she forgets all about her job and friends and the life she’s built for herself,” Katniss explained. “They always make me so mad. Like the female lead isn’t smart enough to have made decisions for herself, and she has to be saved by the noble, hot stranger who’s got it all figured out. It’s mansplaining at its finest.”

“What if the guy’s right?”

“Why? Because he’s hot and feels an inordinate desire to protect a woman who doesn’t need his help? If anyone ever tried that with me…” Katniss trailed into silence, unsure what the rest of her threat actually was. It wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate help; she just wanted help from someone who understood she could do it by herself, even if that wasn’t necessary.

Peeta studied her carefully, his expression unreadable, and she wondered if she’d offended him, somehow. He licked his lips and tugged the collar of his jacket up under his ears before speaking.

“Well, that explains some things.”

She bristled immediately. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean,” he sighed, clearly dejected, “it makes more sense why you haven’t given me the time of day the past two years.”

Katniss gaped at him, completely taken aback at this statement. It took her a second to form a coherent thought, but she finally managed to stammer, “Wh-what?”

Peeta’s mouth twisted into an expression of misery. “You seem to hate me, and I have no idea why.”

Flustered, she blurted, “How does that have anything to do with hot guys from small towns? I— You’re— Yeah, hot. You really are, but… I’m so lost.”

Peeta flushed, his cheeks flaming red, and he stubbed his toe into the ground and refused to look at her. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Brought—?” Katniss stopped herself and held up her hands in surrender. Gently, she prodded, “Peeta? What are you saying?”

He shook his head and hunched his shoulders, shielding against the chilly weather and his disappointment. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be that guy,” he whispered.

“What guy?” she asked, using every ounce of her strength to quell her frustration.

He lifted tortured eyes and answered softly, “The guy that seems to think he’s entitled to a girl’s attention. The one that mansplains. The one who takes over the room when he walks in. I’ve never intended to do that, but you’ve always shied away from the popular crowd. You have every right to ignore me if you want. I didn’t mean to imply that you owe anything to me.”

“Oh,” she breathed. “Oh, that makes way more sense than… Well, than anything I was thinking.”

Curious, he asked tentatively, “What were you thinking?”

“I was trying to figure out how you were the hot, small-town guy luring me away from the city,” she laughed, and he grinned a little.

“Well, you did say I was hot.”

“You are hot,” she sputtered. Peeta coughed to cover a pleased smirk. His response was so soft, she almost missed it.

“Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t ever try to insinuate you weren’t smart enough to make your own decisions.”

The tips of his ears burned red, which she thought was about the cutest thing she’d ever seen. She opened her mouth to speak when her phone interrupted them. Grimacing, she tugged it from her pocket and glanced at the screen.

“Oh, hell,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Gale,” she offered in explanation. “He wants to know where we are.”

“We’re in the corn maze. Where else would we be? Is everybody else done or something?”

She nodded to affirm. “They’re all waiting at the picnic tables. Even Delly’s there. They have cider.”

They glanced around them and realized they still had no idea where they were. Katniss hadn’t been paying attention as they wound into the maze, and Peeta had clearly followed Delly’s direction. In short, they were lost. Katniss glanced upward, as a few fat drops of rain spattered around them.

“Would it be corny to say I’d rather be lost in here with you than anyone else?” Peeta asked, his lips quirked into a crooked grin.

“Oh, I don’t know. There’s a crop of freshmen on campus. Wouldn’t you rather be with one of them?”

Peeta’s eyes twinkled. “Punny.”

“Same to you.”

“You’re amazing,” he laughed, and they grinned at each other, content to joke about their predicament. Seconds later, the sky opened, lightning flashed, and they both jumped. “We need to get out of here.”

Katniss extended her hand to him. “Together?”

“Together,” he agreed as he took her hand.

They walked quickly then, alternating right turns with lefts until they began to see a pattern. Corn stalks guided their way as they wound through the maze, hopeful they were on the right track, as rain poured from the heavens. Soaking wet, they clung to each other, a lifeline in their confusion. They hadn’t seen anyone else for several minutes, and Katniss started to shake—from cold, anxiety, and frustration.

“It’s going to be okay,” Peeta assured her. Letting go of her hand, he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. When she protested, he insisted. “I’m all right.”

“I thought you trusted me to make my own decisions,” she retorted, but her clacking teeth and shivers undermined her argument.

He wrapped his arm around her and guided them down another corridor. “I do. I promise, but your sense of direction is as terrible as mine. Let’s get out of here, and then you can go back to resisting my advances.”

“Have you been making advances?” she asked, curious.

“Since the moment I saw you across the room. You have no idea the effect you have on me.”

She’d have to ponder that once they’d escape the maze. She was too cold, too disoriented, and too woozy from the heat of his jacket and arm curled around her. The stress of the semester had been weighing on her more than she’d thought, and there was something really compelling about allowing someone else to take charge.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you,” Peeta sputtered as they rounded another corner and spied the flags marking the maze exits. His curls were plastered to his head in dark blonde waves, and he looked absolutely miserable in his soaking wet navy blue Henley and dark washed jeans.

“Wait,” she pleaded. “Wait.”

Peeta stopped immediately and turned questioning eyes to meet hers. His willingness to take her seriously without question made her smile. “What’s up?” he asked, rubbing her arms to warm her.

Katniss reached for him, grabbing his sopping shirt and tugging him to her. Their lips met as thunder rumbled above them, and she leaned into his heat. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her to him and increasing the pressure of his mouth on hers. They stood there, tangled together, until an echoing boom of thunder shook them apart.

“Electrifying,” he murmured as lightning flashed.

Katniss giggled and burrowed into his chest. “Such a dad joke.”

“They’re coming out my ears.”

“No. Stop. That was terrible.”

“I can’t help it. They just pop up when I least expect them.”

“So corny,” she grinned.

“So amazing,” he corrected and grabbed her hand. “Let’s get out of her, ditch our friends, and get to know each other.”

Katniss nodded. At the moment, there was nothing she wanted more.

[uwu-shinsou]

First,,,, CONGRATS ON 500 BB!! YOU DESERVED IT!! And uhhh if it's not much a bother can I request Shinsou Hitoshi with 6 and 13 (if it's alright! If youre not comfortable with doing it you can do whatever youre comfortable with, I care abt your well being more than the fic that Im requesting) and I dont really uh care if its hc or a drabble or smth cuz im inlove with anything and everything that you make! Again congrats! Have a nice day :))

Title: Whatever You Say

Prompt: Accidental Text, Hate-to-Love

Warning(s): Mild language

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi X Gender Neutral!Reader

Genre: Drabble, working through feelings

Word Count: 1.3K

A/N: THANK YOU ISSA!! 🥺💖I’m so glad you requested!! Bc I’m trying to keep these shorter like “drabbles” I had a hard time doing like,, full on hate to love so this is more like resentment to friends with implications of hidden feelings?? AHAHA but uhhh yeah, I hope you all enjoy 🥺and in case you missed it, my last year of college has started, so I will be updating less frequently, but I will still be around and writing and vibing!🤗

500 Event Masterlist

✿ .✿ .✿ .✿ .✿

Oh shit.

You flew down the hall, bursting into Kaminari’s bedroom without knocking. The blonde sat up quickly at your intrusion, but relaxed slightly upon seeing it was you.

“What’s up speed racer?” He joked, folding his legs up to make room for you on the bed. You walked up to the side of the bed, dropping your knees on the edge and falling forward face-down onto the covers.

“I messed up, Denki,” You groaned, rolling over onto your back and staring at the ceiling. “I sent a text to Shinsou-”

He let out a little snort. “Now that’s unusual.”

“Yeah,” You agreed. “Because it was a text that was not meant for him.” 

“It couldn’t have been that bad, right?” He asked, now a little nervous. You couldn’t blame him. You and Kaminari had clicked instantly at the beginning of your first year at U.A., and now you’d pretty much consider him your best friend, and you his. But come the end of first year, with the trial and following announcement that Shinsou Hitoshi, general ed student, would be transfering into the hero course- and more specifically- your class, Kaminari Denki had seemed to collect himself yet another best friend. 

And you had made your first rival.

You hadn’t wanted to. But when you had first heard about Shinsou’s quirk, people couldn’t help but compare it to yours. As long as you maintained skin to skin contact, you could command another person to do anything that you wanted. Paired with your athletic background (which started when you were young, at the insistence of your parents that it’d “prepare you for hero training”) you were clearly the superior “mind control” student. You didn’t understand why another one was needed in the hero course. Wasn’t he just fine being in the general course?

But of course he had to join class 2A, become Aizawa’s favorite, and start to steal the attention of your best friend.

But Kaminari was his own person, and he made his own choices about when he hung out with the two of you. It really wasn’t fair to put him in the middle of your mess of feelings. And even though he was Shinsou’s friend, you knew he would keep your secrets.

You turned onto your side to look at him. “Here just- read this.” You shoved your phone at him. He took it in his hand, his face contorting into a grimace as he read your mistake once, twice, three times.

“...Why the hell did you send him this?” You slapped your hands against your face in embarrassment and despair. He mockingly cleared his throat. “‘Can you believe purple hair beat me in today’s exercise? Why does he have to basically have my quirk? If he wasn’t so hot I’d be really pissed.’” Kaminari let out a whistle. “Wow, now there is a lot to unpack here, hun.”

You winced. “Yeah, that text was supposed to go to Mina, but I mean- fucking hell, I don’t know?” You ran your hands over your face. “I guess I somehow just clicked the wrong contact and instead it went to him! And it’s even worse that he hasn’t responded about it yet.” You’d never outright said to Shinsou that you disliked him, but you had to assume he knew, and felt the same way about you.

“I didn’t know you thought he was hot,” Kaminari said, wiggling his eyebrows. You launched a pillow at him that he ducked. 

“C’mon, anyone with a brain can see that he’s attractive,” You muttered. “It’s the same as Todoroki, or maybe Bakugou if you took away some of the attitude.”

He let out a sigh. “Yeah you’re right.” After a moment of silence he pressed your phone back into your hand. “Anyways, I think the best approach would be to sort it out face to face. Texting can make things too muddled sometimes.”

“Since when did you have so much wisdom?” 

He nudged you with a knee. “Hey, there’s a reason you came running to me.”

“I suppose you’re right.” It’ll probably be really awkward and not fun, but you should try to explain yourself in person.

Which is how you found yourself on the outskirts of the woods by the dorm buildings watching Shinsou workout, your presence still unnoticed as his back was turned to you. Kaminari had directed you here, knowing that his friend often trained here on his own. 

Suddenly he relaxed his stance, speaking without turning around. “What, you got more to say to me than what was in that text?”

You gritted your teeth at his words. What is up with his attitude!? “Yeah, well maybe I do.” You crossed your arms, shifting most of your weight onto one foot.

Shinsou glanced over his shoulder. “Sucks for you, I’m busy.” He reached down to the ground and slung his towel over his shoulder. “Since my quirk is clearly inferior to yours, I need to keep training.” You winced slightly at his words.

“Hey, I never said it like that-”

“Yeah, well you didn’t have to.” He sighed before turning to face you fully. “Look, I get it, you feel like I’m trying to take your spot here at U.A. Well just- don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll stay out of your way.”

As he began walking away, you found yourself stepping after him. “Shinsou, it’s not fair to phrase it that way.”

He stopped and turned to face you once more. “What do you know about ‘not fair’?” Shinsou took a step closer to you. “‘Not fair’ is getting into the general class, only to see someone just like me being praised for their power in the hero course. ‘Not fair’ is working as hard as I can to make my dreams come true, only to find out that I still have to compete against you. ‘Not fair’ is wanting to so desperately hate you for it all, but I can’t. Not when I see your strength, your power, your drive and ambition, and I can’t help but admire it. Admire you.” He let out a soft snort of mock amusement to himself. “I do kind of hate you for that, though.”

You stood there in silence. What do I even say to that? Shinsou watched you warily, waiting for a reaction.

“I don’t hate you, not really,” You said slowly. As good a place to start as any. “Resented you, yes, but hate is a strong word.” As you continued talking, your mouth let more and more words spill out, words you didn’t even know you had wanted to say. “And yeah, I was worried that you’d ‘take my spot’ or whatever, but I think that was the competitive nature of this school getting to me. They support friendly competition between students, but maybe I took that too much to heart.” You toed at the ground, slowly looking up to meet his eyes. “I was worried about you joining our class because I think you have amazing control over your quirk and you’re really talented. You really do have the potential to be an incredible hero. And I think… I’d like it better if we were friends, instead of pitting ourselves against each other.”

As you waited for Shinsou’s response, you started to get antsy. Why do I care so much about what he’s going to say?

Finally he answered. “Alright. Friends is a good place to start.” He held his hand out to you, as if to shake on it. Hesitatingly you reached out, your fingers firmly grasping his. He tightened his grip. “Should we also acknowledge that you said I was hot in your text?”

His words brought on a wave of nerves, and you yanked your hand back as if it were on fire. “That- That was a typo!” He began walking back towards the dorms with you hurrying to catch up to him.

As you matched his stride, he huffed out a laugh and sent you a knowing smile. “Sure, whatever you say.”

[cootiebakugou]

Why Can’t You See? (Bakugou x Reader)

Words ; 2.2k

Warnings ; Angst, cursing because Bakugou, and fluff 

(g/n) - girl’s name 

Requested by ; @blueriine​ 

“Ehm..what about bakugou has a friend and he's so close to her and she has a crush on him but he doesn't know and his girlfriend y/n knows about it and gives him a lot of hints so that he stop talking to her but he doesn't get it and one day y/n and bakugou's friend had a fight and bakugou believed his friend and it wasn't y/n fault and at the end he realised that she was right and he fuck up and apologise to her.”

a/n ; i hope you enjoy !

_____________________________________________

You honestly don’t know how it got to the point of you having tissues thrown across the room haphazardly, without a care of where they land, and two empty containers of caramel cone ice cream. Why did you choose caramel? Why couldn’t you have chosen something like cookie dough, or mint chip, maybe it was your subconscious aching for your boyfriend to call you and ask how you were. Did he even care? Was he too busy focusing on her? The one who was the reason this all happened? 

Why couldn’t he just understand? Why couldn’t he have let you talk?

____

Their relationship started off as normal as can be, you understood that they’ve known each other since the start of their first year at U.A. but there was always something that lingered in the back of your mind. As you watched them walk ahead of you talking about whatever went on in the classroom earlier that day, her hand on his arm. You don’t know why you were basically staring holes in the back of her head but you were. There was no reason to be jealous, you know how Bakugou feels for you, so you shook that thought out of your head.

Catching up to them, you reached for Bakugou’s hand only for him to look at you before pulling his hand away and continuing his conversation with (g/n). You saw a small smirk out of the corner of your eye placed upon her lips. Instead of being in the back of them you decided to just take another way home, and didn’t bother saying goodbye to both of them. 

It was a recurring thing that happened, even in front of the Bakusquad! The way he changed when he was around her, the way she couldn’t stop making the smiles, the batting eyes, she batted her eyes so much Mina thought she was going to fly away. Each member of the squad looked to you in hopes you were going to say something, but you couldn’t. You were shy, and you barely stood up for yourself, because Katsuki said he would. Instead your head was down, your (color)ed hair covering your eyes before you picked up your lunch and your bag and left to sit somewhere else. 

He couldn’t open his eyes huh? What was so intriguing about her that he had to keep talking to her, ignoring his friends and his own girlfriend. 

The small smiles, the touches, the hugs, the laughs. It was all getting too much for you, and you knew exactly what they meant, but did Katsuki?

Did he understand that she liked him?

The first time you brought it up

“Katsu, can we talk?” You said as you both sat in his room working on homework you had gotten from Aizawa. “Sure, dumbass.” With a puff in your chest you let it come out by itself. “Why do you let (g/n) touch all over you?” The second you finished the question you could see a change in his whole demeanor. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“She’s constantly having her hands all over you Katsuki! Why don’t you see that?” Your eyes starting to water, “She has her hand always on your arm as she’s laughing at something, and even when Kaminari makes his dumb jokes that aren’t even funny!” Bakugou took in a deep breath, “She doesn’t ‘have her hands all over me’ she knows you’re my girlfriend.” He rolled his eyes, “She doesn’t mean anything by it so just chill out.”

“Chill out..? There’s nothing to be chill about, you’re so oblivious Katsuki!” You said before gathering your things and leaving his room. Leaving alone a blond confused and too far into his thoughts to stop you. 

The second time you brought it up

It was happening more often than not now. Whether they were walking, sitting in class, at the lunch table.. She was always there, and him being too focused to know that you weren’t even sitting with the squad anymore, rather with the Deku Squad. Even they noticed a change in his behavior, it’s been a week and a half since you last talked to him about the touchy too closey feely. He blew you off for a day, before coming to your dorm asking if you knew that he didn’t mean it.

How could you know though? You saw him all day, you saw him be with her. Everywhere you looked you saw them. Maybe he was getting tired of you? Maybe you just weren’t what he wanted anymore, and it hurt you so much. So you tried to compliment him more after training, or helping him with homework he was struggling, even going so far as to wear makeup. 

“Why’re you being so weird?” He finally asked after he was packing up his homework and placing it into his backpack. “I just want to be enough for you.” You said as your smile faltered, not that you think he noticed anyways. “Hah? What fuck are you talking about?” He quirked a brow. “I see the way she looks at you Katsuki! Don’t tell me that you don’t see it? The way she smiles that fake smile, the way she bats her eyes at anything you do!” He rolled his eyes at this, “How many times do I have to tell you, Shitty Woman? She doesn’t feel anything.” To this you huffed, poking at his chest, “Stop lying to me. I see it, everyone sees it!” 

“Whatever, let me know when this is out of your head.” He says before slamming the door behind him, and causing you to finally let the tears fall.

The third and final time you brought it up

You were so tired. So tired of being second, not being listened to, tired of being ignored. It was two days this time, two days of watching Katsuki continue on as if nothing happened. Mina finally had enough and she made her way over to you before grabbing your wrist and leading you to the roof. 

“What’s going on with you and Bakugou?” Mina asked, holding both your hands and drawing you in for a hug.

“I think that, he wants her, Mina. Every time I bring her up, he gets all defensive on me, and shuts me down.” You cry into your best friends shoulder. “Aw (y/n), I’m sure he doesn’t want her! You should hear him talk about you, sure it’s been just a couple days, but that doesn’t mean he likes you any less.” She says as she caresses your back, “Sometimes relationships go through these things and it either builds them up or breaks them down.”

“One last time Mina. Then I don’t want to bother with it anymore.” You say as you pull away. She nods wiping your tears, “I believe you, and I know you and Bakugou will make it through this okay?” After that you both split, her going back to Kirishima, Denki, and Sero, and you going to find your ever so loving boyfriend.

Spotting him in the hallway, hands stuffed in his pants, and a glare directed towards everyone who looked his way. Mustering up enough courage, you walked up to him and told him to follow you.

Eventually leading you both to an empty classroom. “I’m saying this one last time, and I need you to listen.” Your (color) eyes staring straight into his own beautiful crimson. “I’m tired of this Katsuki. I need you to actually listen to me.” He rolled his eyes, “If you’re going to talk about how she’s too close, I don’t want to hear it.” You shook your head, “No! You’re going to sit here and you are going to listen to me because this is something that needs to be said, and something that needs to be done.” 

“Have you even noticed I stopped sitting with you at the table? That I don’t even get acknowledged by you, unless I’m the one who initiates a conversation? I’m tired of her being the only one you focus on, and you not even seeing it! She’s constantly all over you, why don’t you ever push her away?” You could feel his stare linger before he turns away. “Stop trying to make her seem like the bad guy. It’s getting tiring.” He rubs the bridge of his nose, “I wanted you guys to get along.”

“Get along? How are we supposed to get along when all you do is talk to her? What about me, your girlfriend!?” Your tears flowing down your reddened cheeks. “What wrong with me?” Bakugou scoffed, “Maybe if you weren’t trying to get me to stop talking to my friend, there wouldn’t be anything!” He yells, losing all sense of self-control before he leaves the classroom, and leaving you alone. Again.

____

“Come on (y/n), it’ll be so fun! Kaminari has the best parties!” Mina said as she had sparkles in her eyes. Me and Kat-, you cut off your thoughts and gave Mina a small smile, sure it wasn’t as large as it would usually be, but she was still happy that you had a smile upon your beautiful face.

When you and Mina arrived you were greeted by a smiling Kirishima, “Hey guys!” He exclaimed, happy to see you out of your dorm considering you were held up there after the last talk with Bakugou. “Do you want something to drink?” He asked, and you shook your head, but Mina took him up on his offer. 

It had to have been around an hour into being there when you looked up from your phone and saw Katsuki and (g/n). To say your heart shattered even more was an understatement. The way her arm wrapped around his like, they were the couple. He couldn’t see anything wrong with that? She caught your gaze and smirked, causing you to go into the kitchen to get yourself a drink, unbeknownst to you she followed you to the kitchen. 

Seeing her as you turned around, you let out a small sigh before trying to go past her. “Can you please get out of the doorway?” She simply made a small half scoff, half laugh. “I just wanted to let you in on some information, that’s all.” She said. “He may be yours for now, but I know that you’ve been having some.. rough patches. Who do you think he comes to? Who he talks to when you go on and on about me having feelings for him? You aren’t wrong of course, but once you’re out of the picture it’ll be easy for me to snatch him right up.”

“He’s not something you can just “snatch” up. He’s a human being. You need to treat him that way. We’re doing just fine.” You said trying to move past her only to still be blocked. “I wonder who he’ll believe.” She said, spotting Bakugou coming towards them. She begins to subtly trip you, causing your drink to spill on her blouse. “Why did you-” You were cut off by a loud voice, “What the fuck was that for (y/n)? You’re really going to stoop that low?” He said, anger evident in his voice. “Katsuki, it wasn’t me! She tripped me!” You exclaimed, trying to put out there that you were innocent.

“Haha, very funny (y/n). Stop making excuses and own up to the fact that you’re a jealous bitch.” He retorted, only looking up at you once he finished his sentence. “Fuck you Bakugou.” Tears streaming down your face as you push past him and (g/n), not caring about the broken look on Bakugou’s face. 

The air outside was cold, you left your jacket with Kirishima because you didn’t want someone to take it, but now as you walk towards the dorms you realize how stupid that was. The dorms weren’t that far, maybe a block or two away, but the tears rolling down your face didn’t help warm you up at all. Between the shivers and the sobs wracking your body, you couldn’t hear the footsteps behind you. 

That was until you felt a hand grasped your arm before they were pulling you into a hug.

It didn’t take long to find out who it was, from the smell. Caramel.

“I-I’m sorry. I was too oblivious to whatever the fuck she was doing. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I was being stupid.” His grip on you getting tighter. “I love you so much, (y/n). I swear I will never hurt you again, and I will actually use my fucking ears.” 

You wrap your arms around him slowly before holding onto the back of his jacket. “How did you find out?” Your voice cracks and your tears keep falling.

“Shitty Hair was there, he was watching the whole thing go down and decided to pull out his phone because he didn’t think I would believe him otherwise.” You could feel a slight stutter in his chest, which meant he was crying too, “Please forgive me.”

“I guess I can forgive you if you promise to never do that again and to make me my favorite food when we get back to the dorms.”

“I promise, and you best be prepared because I will make you pass out from how delicious my cooking is!” He finished with a kiss on your lips, and taking off his jacket, putting it on you, and walking towards the dorms with your hand in his.

The warmth you felt when he held it was something you yearned for after so long, and were finally able to continue on with your relationship with Katsuki.

[formulatrash]

What are your thoughts on fanfic writing in the f1 fandom? I am pretty sure I saw you tweet about it at some point something small but I was too scared to interact with you on it over at twitter :D

So, this is a hotter topic than I’d really like it to be on my Tumblr and it’s my own fault but. Here we go.

RPF has some questionable ethics and some even more questionable origins. I’m ancient enough that it just used to get straight-up published as a ‘5 minute fantasy’ in young women and girls’ magazines where you’d get like, some 15 year old’s daydream about meeting a boyband member on holiday and falling in love and this was for some reason just treated as an absolutely normal bit of publishing not like ‘what the hell, that would be illegal’ and ‘why is this the fantasy we are encouraging girls to have as an ambition when it comes to sports or even pop success’ and y’know. 

Anyway, the 90s: really can’t emphasise enough how fucking weird having only a few sources to get your media from makes them.

Back to RPF; its roots are in political obscenity, if you want to talk about the bawdy stuff. The French Revolution, in particularly, wrote lots of erotica (the kinkier the better) about the royal family as part of refusing to acknowledge their divine rights under the church. It was an anarchical refusal to accept the situation as it was and to undermine it. 

Beyond that you’ve got historical fiction - Thucydides was all about working up a really good narrative take* on the Peloponnesian war back in the fifth century BC. Extra scenes, big dialogue, you know. If he’d known about self-lubricating buttholes then you BET Herodotus would have put them in the Histories.

Point is: writing fiction about real people isn’t really that weird, Shakespeare did a load of it. But we tend to problematise RPF and consider it strange, even amongst fanfiction.

Now, to 21st century sports and specifically F1. We speak here on Tumblr dot com, the audience where F1 fans skew most largely LGBT, non-cis and female or non binary rather than every other platform which is full of cis het men. Here is where we talk about fanfic. Because they don’t know we’re here, I assume, is the logic.

(they kinda don’t, to be fair)

Most of us do not see ourselves in sports. Most sports media is not aimed at the way that a lot of us were socialised to engage with stuff and most of us - lucky buggers like me aside - do not get to write the narratives of the way sport is engaged with or talked about or who does it. 

A lot of us who live here on god’s abandoned internet have drifted in and out of fandoms and a lot of that will have involved engaging with fanfiction. Fanfiction is a really fun sandbox to play in, as an adult - we get told to stop playing, as we grow up and it’s no surprise that we still want to. 

There’s a six monthly cycle of some AAA game that asks the question “is shooting people bad?” that prompts 10 broadsheet newspaper pieces on Videogames: Not Just For Kids Anymore (and sub in comics/superheroes/etc for games there) that makes everyone who knows that roll their eyes. Games and comics and superheroes are big, legitimised industries now that turnover hundreds of billions of dollars.

Fanfiction is an outlier, as the purest form of play in a lot of senses. Unfettered, it’s the democratic media platform; there’s no minimum standard for publishing, there’s no real limits beyond your own ethics on what you can publish. it doesn’t turn a profit, by its very definition and it allows lots of games and versions of itself within that. 

For something with a ludicrously broad definition that encapsulates hugely different types of works, it has defined forms; from drabbles to wingfic, as structural formats, we also recognise fluff or hurt/comfort as genre. Fanfiction isn’t really the thing itself, it’s the bookshop and what you find in it will vary on where you look and often, the advice of the bookseller or friends you speak to.

If you’ve enjoyed wandering that bookstore and adding to its shelves as part of the way you engage with media and then you come to a sports fandom? Well, you’re gonna look for the fic. If you don’t see yourself in the sport, as a woman or a queer person then you can write yourself in. It’s sad that we sideline the fantasies where we exist - given they’re entirely normal to have - into places where we jealously guard them away from the reality we daren’t intrude on but that is how it is.

And fuck: if your whole reason for liking F1 is cus you wanna marry a driver and you’re writing those 15 minute fantasies about them like you’re 15 and they’re a poster then it’s not doing any harm - it’s a lot healthier than stalking them. You might even work out what you really want or more things about yourself, in the process.

(if it’s ‘to marry an F1 driver’ then I suggest you take some boring swimwear snaps somewhere that looks expensive, stick ‘em on Insta and wait for the DM slide)

One of the things I like best in fanfic is the possibility of a queer narrative without complications, of telling queer stories without having to justify them as Issues, of letting us see ourselves and our own awakenings because fuck, you know the big book shop (if such things still exist) has one shelf of expensive, niche published novels you find difficult to related to and three sex ed books.

F1 fanfic was one of the ways I wandered back to the F1 fandom and one of the reasons I work in the industry now. It was enough of an in to make me want to really think, to have that new crush energy of obsession and enjoyment, about motorsport in a way I’d drifted away from as I felt sidelined from the sport through my early-to-mid 20s. I found brocedes much more compelling, as an interpretation and a way of processing the intense rivalry between Lewis and Nico - even knowing it was fictional conjecture - than I did the equally fictional conjecture about their psychological states and potential weaknesses published in the sports papers.

So, yes, I have read some excellent Formula 1 RPF. I have written some frankly mediocre and in retrospect very poorly edited F1 RPF that I posted to Twitter in a drunken moment of excitement because I was happy I’d finished it and forgot, idk. I have a tricky relationship to being a Notable Person I guess, I hadn’t intended any harm and was mostly worried I’d get flack from the industry. Lol. Anyway, only saying it cus like; this isn’t just me talking about things theoretically.

There’s a lot of F1 RPF that is more insightful than a lot of columns about ‘inside the drivers’ minds’ working off very little more than the RPF is.

Some of it, I won’t lie, I find really fucking weird but I guess like, that ain’t for me. There are a lot of problems with RPF - it’s too male, too frequently misogynist, too keen to reinforce homophobic ideas, too often white and blonde, not radical enough but those issues are for the advanced class rather than the 101 overview I was aiming for here and go well beyond F1 or RPF.

Shit I should be writing the weather report. Fuck. I’m the worst. Err, there you go, that’s a whole thing.

(I don’t read very much - I am busy af - but occasionally and especially on long haul flights when the idea of anything other than soothing is impossible)

*Actually tbh Thucydides couldn’t write for fuck but it was early and you know how when a tag’s young you’ll read a lot of mediocre stuff?

[fluffykitty1999-blog]

Dog of the Military- Chapter 35

Chapter 35

A little bit of rest and relaxation for our favorite heroes, and some family bonding time fluff. 

Also- Mustang gets a little ribbing from Hughes and acknowledges that yeah, he’s a dad.

Roy ended up lacking the motivation to carry Ed up the stairs to his room. Or to make himself climb the stairs to get to his own bedroom. He ended up depositing Ed on the couch and flopping into his favorite recliner.

Alphonse had gotten a ride to the hospital at some point, and he puttered into the house behind them, with a bag full of prescriptions for both the other residents of the home.

Al seated himself calmly on the floor and started reading an issue of Cosmo as the Roy and Ed slept.

It was sunlight streaming through the window, the smell of coffee, and voices that woke him in the morning.

Roy blinked harshly, getting to his feet and checking the time. It was almost noon.

He'd thought he was doing good- but as he walked, he realized there was a jackhammer drilling behind his eyes and his headache came back as he became more awake.

Still, he trooped into the kitchen, intent on tracking down some of the coffee he'd been smelling.

He found Hawkeye sitting at his kitchen table, speaking quietly to Alphonse.

"Good morning Colonel!" Al said happily.

"Morning, Alphonse." Gosh, he felt like absolute garbage. Still, if He slammed some coffee and painkillers, he could probably get in a good half day at work, if the Lieutenant was kind enough to drive him. There was no way he'd be able to drive himself in his current dizzy state.

"Lieutenant- mind giving me a ride to work?"

Riza sipped from her mug of coffee, shaking her head. "No need. You've been given the day off. Edward, too."

"By who?"

"General Haruko himself, sir. He and the brass have enough to deal with, he wanted to congratulate you on catching Banks." her gaze flickered to Alphonse for a moment, and Roy knew he wasn't getting the whole story. Still, he knew that Riza must have a reason for keeping the truth from him, and he nodded, grabbing some bread from the breadbox and making himself some plain toast, pressing his palm to his pounding head.

"Take two of these, sir. Alphonse will give you more in an hour." Riza offered him something from a prescription bottle, and he downed both pills dry before nodding, grabbing his toast.

"What about Ed?" Roy asked, thinking of the boy still passed out on the couch. "Has he got anything he has to take?".

"I woke him and gave him his medication about an hour ago. My lunch is almost over, though, I have to get back to the office. One of the men from the office will bring by dinner, Alphonse will call and tell us what you want..."

Riza Hawkeye was, in fact, an angel in human form.

Ed was still out cold on the couch, and Roy took the opportunity to toss a blanket over him before sinking back into the recliner. He briefly considered reading the paper before electing not to, deciding today would be better spent being lazy. He hardly ever got days off like this- and neither did Ed. Might as well waste it sleeping while he could.

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

"Yeah- four cheese pizzas, with like, a bunch of shit on them. I don't even care, as long as those little fish aren't on it. Surprise me. I dunno- a soda. Something brightly colored. Yeah, he'll probably eat some too. No, he's not awake. You know what, throw some breadsticks in there too. They're really good. Yeah, he's alive, I totally checked like five minutes ago. Alright. See you soon. Thanks Havoc." Ed hung up the phone and plunked himself back on the couch, looking pleased with himself.

Roy opened his eyes.

"Oh good- you're awake." Alphonse said cheerily.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Bastard." Ed smirked. "You want anything for dinner? You weren't awake, but I can call back and order more..."

All Roy really wanted right now was some tea, and maybe a breadstick or two.

"No- I'll have some of whatever." his headache was still there, but not as intense as before. It was more a quiet sort of misery than a burning agony, now.

"Alphonse- do we have any tea?"

"Yes, we do! I'll go put on the kettle." Alphonse bounded to his feet, setting something off his lap and going into the kitchen. He was glad to be of help.

Roy looked down to see some sort of red yarn monstrosity nearly covering the floor of his living room.

"Alphonse taught himself how to knit today. I'd say that's lame, but all I've been doing is drinking juice boxes and complaining, so he did more than me." Ed spoke up from the couch.

"I tried to read something about the stone, but then I fell asleep again. These damn pills ruin everything." Ed complained, sitting up a little straighter.

Roy smirked. "That's not what you were saying at the ER last night. The pain medication made you act like a little kid."

"Shut up, I don't wanna hear it!"

"It was adorable. You came over and cuddled with me."

"Lalala!" Ed was covering his ears, now, and Roy laughed slightly. The only bad thing was that with Hughes in the hospital, he wouldn't have photographic evidence.

The doorbell rang just as Alphonse came back into the room with tea, and Ed jumped to his feet, excited. "Dinner!"

He came back with Havoc and several pizza boxes, settling himself down on the floor and starting to demolish an entire pizza by himself.

Havoc smirked. "Well. Glad to see the Chief wasn't too badly affected by everything. How are you, Boss?" Havoc looked over at Roy, who shrugged.

"I'll live." he sipped his tea and grabbed a bread stick from one of the take out containers. "How are they resolving this whole incident?"

Havoc shrugged. "I'm under orders not to talk about work with you. Hawkeye says you can get caught up on it yourself." Havoc shot a quick glance at Ed, who was still eating at an insane pace, and once again, Roy realized that there was something he didn't want to tell him in front of the boys. He'd find out soon enough when he went back to work again tomorrow, anyways.

"Hey Havoc- you wanna sign my cast!?" Ed held up his casted arm and continued to eat pizza with his other arm, and Havoc grinned, pulling out a sharpie from his pocket.

"Sure, Chief, let me see.".

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

The morning at work was quiet- Hughes had been discharged from the hospital yesterday, and Hawkeye told him he should go visit him friend immediately when he came in, despite the obvious stacks of paperwork on his desk. Roy complied without question- he'd known something was up since yesterday.

Fullmetal was occupied filling out his own share of paperwork about what'd happened, and getting people to sign his cast between forms.

He found it easy to duck out and stride into the investigation's branch, letting himself in and nodding to Scheska before he was knocking on the door to his friend's office excitedly.

Hughes was sitting sideways at his desk, his casted leg propped up on a chair set beside him. He gave a tired smile when he strode into the room.

"I was wondering how long before you showed up."

Roy snagged another chair and pulled it up, sitting down across from his friend.

"Well, I'm here. And I get the feeling something else has happened, but none of my team will say it outright. So tell me what it is. How are they resolving this case? Is Banks in custody?"

"No." Hughes frowned, sliding a manilla folder across the desktop.

"Banks was driving a car with two Drachmans in it and Ed in the passenger seat. They were tailed by a car driven by a single Drachman. Despite the crash, there was only one fatality. A Drachman in the car Ed was in- he was ejected and died on the scene. Everyone else survived the crash."

"So why aren't they in custody, then?" Roy said, not understanding.

"Open the file, Roy."

Roy obeyed. He found himself staring at the pieces of a destroyed car- the black car was upside down, the windows shattered, the front absolutely smashed... Roy found himself nauseas just looking at it, and he had to pull his eyes away.

"Ed... that was..." he could hardly put the words together.

Hughes nodded. "That was the car Ed rode in, yeah. He was the only one wearing a seat belt. He was also the only one uninjured enough to walk away from the crash. And it's a damn good thing he did."

"I don't understand. Ed said Banks was breathing when he left him, they were too injured to run away..."

"Someone else got there before the military, Roy." Hughes said gently. "Armstrong is processing the scene- he's the one who took these pictures. Shortly after Ed left, the wedding band killer surface from a nearby manhole."

Roy continued flipping through the folder- pictures, of a blood trail from bodies being dragged across the pavement, an open manhole cover...

"They were too injured to get away. The wedding band killer dragged every living man out of those cars and took them down into the sewers with him. He's having a hell of a lot of fun right now chopping them up- Armstrong has been able to confirm Banks is dead, though we're still looking for pieces of the other two. The corner is going to get back to me- let me know if we have enough body parts to account for three bodies. He left the dead man in the street- he only wanted the ones that were still alive."

Roy kept flipping through the photos. There were messages written in blood on the sewer walls. Cryptic warnings, some quotes of religious text, and for one, just a large smilie face drawn in blood.

"Are you okay?" Hughes asked, looking at Roy with concern.

Roy took a deep breath, closing the file folder when he was done. His heart was hammering in his chest. "I will be." he said finally, looking up. "I just... didn't expect them to all be dead. And like that..."

"Dragged into the sewers by a madman and tortured to death. Yeah, it's not exactly an ideal ending for anybody..."

"That could've been Edward."

"But it wasn't." Hughes said firmly. "Your staff all knows, but nobody has told Ed, and we're not planning to. All he needs to know is that they've been handled by the justice system."

"What kind of justice is that?" Roy looked down at the folder in disgust.

"Street justice. I know nobody deserves that, and it's horrific, but the one good thing that came out of all of this is that Ed is finally safe in Central again. That's what I tell myself, anyways."

"So- what does the brass think of all of this?"

Hughes sighed. "They have... mixed feelings on the matter. They're glad the whole Banks Fiasco has been dealt with. They're glad the Drachman issue is dealt with and was never publicized. And they're breathing down my neck trying to get me to catch the Wedding Band killer. I've already borrowed a couple of your men and called in as many favors as I could to help locate this guy. We're going to be starting to search the sewer systematically in teams next week." Hughes said simply.

"Enough of the official talk, though- what about the boys?"

"What about them?" Roy asked, looking puzzled. "I'm not planning on telling them about any of this. Now that the Drachmans and Banks are out of the picture, he'll probably start asking to travel again..."

"And what will you do?" Hughes asked, steepling his fingers and eyeing his friend carefully.

"I'll let him go." something painful in his chest tugged as he said those words, but he knew it was the right thing to do. Edward had goals to accomplish, leads to chase- and he wouldn't get anywhere standing still. "There's no reason to worry about him more than usual, now that things are dealt with. Besides, it's probably safer. It means I won't have to worry about him while I'm helping with the Mr. Fingers case. I'd rather have him out of the city while this is dealt with- he's already gotten too close to this killer for comfort a few times."

"Right. That's what I figured. How soon do you plan on letting him go out again?"

Roy paused for a moment, thinking. Ed did have a broken wrist- he was still sleeping more than usual, starting to recover...

"I'll keep him here for a week. Then he can go back out on his search."

"You sound disappointed." Hughes observed.

"It's... more lively with them around. But I'd only be hurting them if I kept them too close. I'm not the only one with goals, Hughes." he wondered about the day when Ed would return to Central city not with a suit of armor, but with Alphonse in the flesh. He realized he didn't know what Alphonse physically looked like- not even in pictures- and something fluttered in his chest at the thought of finally seeing the younger of the two boys for the first time.

"That's what being a parent is, you know. Knowing when to protect them and keep them close, and knowing when to let them go into the world on their own."

"I'm not their father, Hughes."

"No. You're not. But you're the closest thing they have. Ed's probably gonna be back here in two months, pissed and tired because he hasn't found anything. What'll you do then?"

"Tell the kid to go take a shower and let him crash upstairs. If he finds any alchemy that he needs my help with, he'll ask me about it."

"That's what a parent does. You're they're father, Roy, in all but name."

"Somethings are better left unsaid, Hughes. I'm climbing up the ladder- the less people know about who I care about, the better."

"And if Edward says it?"

"He already has."

"He has!?" Hughes eyes widened and his grin grew impossibly wide.

"Yes. He was drugged to high heaven in a hospital, but he's called me Dad."

"And did you correct him?"

"No."

"That's it. I'm starting a damn photo album." Hughes was rooting through his desk drawers.

Mustang sighed, standing and heading for the door. This was probably all the useful conversation he'd get with Hughes today.

"You had two damn kids and I didn't even get to come to your baby shower!"

"Shut up, Hughes!"

Obligatory ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/fluffykitty12 .

[liminaldi]

27 october 2021

i am finally "blogging" again as an attempt to articulate and verbalize my feelings, hoping it would help me in processing them, in seeing the greater picture, in pointing out the lapses in my actions, in seeing the destructive patterns i unconsciously partake in.

today started out rough. i woke up to an email from ar. tan, it wasn't antagonistic in any way, just a couple reminders on what should be improved in my manuscript, but the very existence of the email reminded me of his previous one, of how he told me i need(ed) to be better, of the hard pills to swallow, of the things present in me that i am scared to acknowledge.

i've processed them enough, i'd like to think so, and i have accepted them. i'd like to think i'm better know. i've grieved already of the things that i could've done differently and am ready to proceed to the next chapter, my next sem, the second part of the architecture thesis.

another factor that kept me on the edge today was how two of juror still have not signed on my thesis approval form, and i was scared they won't ever get to signing it. i'm aware i used past tense in the previous sentence, that's because i'd like to think i've already let go of that anxiety and restless that was a built of anticipation from them signing it.

i'd like to believe i am no longer scared. i am no longer scared; for i know they will sign it. i just have to wait. and while waiting, i have no business putting myself through hell. i need to let it go. i know it will happen anyways, within the deadline set by my moderator, why put myself through hell while waiting when i can use the time on doing my other requirements?

however, i'd like to think i wouldn't have reached this if it weren't to two things that happened today.

first, my cousin came over, and for a while, surrounded by many people, the pent up anxiety was released. i had been distracted, momentarily forget of my stressors. i thought it was a distraction, it wasn't though. it was a form of rest, pause, so i can process things (my stress) away from the main culprit of it so that when i revisit it, it wouldn't be as heavy. i am not sure if that made sense.

another thing was my classmate messaging me, informing me that a classmate of ours had to go through deliberations. cruel as it may be, it made me feel better about myself? mainly because i though i had the worst performance, and to find out that someone else did as bad as me, made me feel less incompetent, made me feel like i also deserve to be here, just as she does.

we both deserve to graduate this april 2022, beah and i. we're gonna ace the next sem AY 2021-2022, and we're gonna come out with the best theses. this is just a minor inconvenience, a hiccup, towards our journey of lifetime greatness.

there are still a lot left to be said, but i will stop this here. i only have the capacity for quite a few things, but i hope in the future, my capacity for feelings processing would increase.

ciao!

[gothamsnightmare]

Imagine...

… The Riddler trying to woo you into being his new partner in crime

Pairing: Edward Nygma/The Riddler x female reader

Warnings: A little bid of bloodshed and murder, nothing to serious

Word Count: 1.829

You had just spend the last few weeks doing a job for Oswald with the help of The Riddler. You both had skill sets that he needed, and he had insisted that you were one of the few people left in Gotham aside from Ed that he deemed trustworthy enough. Knowing Ed’s reputation and his particular way of doing things, you first weren’t particularly keen on working with him, but Oswald was paying you well enough and you knew helping him now would definitely come in handy in the future. But then, to your surprise, Ed and you worked fantastically well together. He was no doubt a brilliant planner, and he continuously played to your strengths, gave you free range in doing things your way when you didn’t feel you could pull it off his way, took a lot of your suggestions, and despite the constant riddling, you actually had a lot of fun.

But now you were off on your own again, and despite enjoying yourself hugely the last couple of weeks, you were glad you were back to it just being you. You had spend the last few hours terrorizing the streets of Gotham, robbing a few places and killing the odd random people here and there, something you didn’t really get to do lately. Now you were currently in the process of cornering some low-life thug in an empty alleyway, a man that had just been trying to get smart with you after he’d seen you rob and murder a lot of people in a bank. He had been threatening to turn you in, and seemed to think by doing so he’d gain the favor of people wanting to get back at Oswald.

You had chased him down a couple of streets, away from the direction you knew the cops were going to arrive from, and now he was lying on the ground begging for his life, after you had pulled him down roughly from a fire escape he had been trying to climb to get away from you. „Ah, Hank…“ You said, while aiming your gun at his face with your left. „I know you’re not the brightest Gotham’s underworld has to offer, but did you actually really think you could tell on me?“ - „Alright, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just trying to get back at Mr. Cobblepot, I swear, it’s nothing personal, please don’t shoot me!“ He was sobbing, covering his face with his arms. This made you let out a very amused chuckle. „Ooooh, I’m not gonna shoot you!“ You said, actually lowering your gun. Hank let out a sigh of relief and took down his arms. But then, in a flash, you pulled out your ankle knife with your right and drew it across his throat. „… I’m going to slash you.“ You stated matter-of-factly after he dropped dead, then throwing your bloody knife into the air and catching it again with ease. 

The sound of loud, appreciative clapping coming from behind you made you turn around in confusion. „Fantastic! Mmmmarvelous execution! Threatening him while holding the gun in your left hand, when you’re clearly right handed… You really excellently had him fooled!“ Ed was showering you with praise, walking down the alleyway towards you in his trade-mark green suit and bowler hat. „What the hell are you doing here?“ You hadn’t actually realized you hadn’t been alone down in that alley. „Oh, I’ve been following your latest crime spree.“ Ed came to a stop in front of you and conversationally leaned against the wall, sounding like the two of you had just met up for coffee somewhere. „You have?“ You were taken aback. Usually not one to miss these things, you were shocked to find out someone had been keeping an eye on you this whole time. „Well, I heard about those robberies down in the Narrows, and I just knnnew it was you (he was poking at you with his finger), so, I decided to come and see what you were up to.“ He finished, still acting like you were just two friends catching up. „You did?“ -  „Mhm!“ He nodded, smiling at you very brightly now. „Why?“ You asked suspiciously, while starting to pull back a little from him. You knew about Ed’s stalker-ish nature, and with the way he was looking at you, like you were the most fascinating, inspirational female criminal he had ever seen, you were starting to wonder if he had become obsessed with you while you guys were working for Oswald.

„Because (Ed was moving away from the wall) you’re brilliant (he was pointing at you with two fingers) and I’m brilliant (he was pointing at himself now), so I thought: why not do things together all the time?“ He said while waving his arms all over the place in classic Riddler-fashion, then leaning back against the wall. „You wanna… work with me? But I’m nothing like you!“ You found this a very odd way to ask someone to be their partner in crime. „Opposites can balance each other out.“ Ed claimed. „Besides, you’re blood-thirsty (he pointed out the fact that you were still holding both a gun and a knife in your hands), and unpredictable, and that makes you very intimidating to people, and I could use someone around me who can scare people off.“ He explained.  „So… what, you want me to be your bodyguard?“ You were absolutely not fond of that idea at all, you didn’t want to be reduced down to being someone else’s permanent muscle.

„No! No, no, no, no, no, no!“ Ed quickly said while moving off the wall again, starting to wave around his hands anew. „I’m asking you… to be my equal.“ He gave you another bright grin, but you were still not convinced. „Ed - I work alone.“ You reminded him. „I know.“ He acknowledged. „And, no offense, but you don’t have the best track record when it comes to women!“ It felt necessary for you to point this out. „That was different.“ Ed disagreed with you, leaning back against the wall again. „How was that different?“ You were still convinced you couldn’t rule out the fact that Ed was only here because he had developed a crush on you. „I don’t see you in a romantic way.“ Ed wasted no time in clearing this up for you. Unbeknownst to you, he had already become very much aware that this was what you were afraid of a few minutes into your conversation. „Never have, never will. You’re not my type.“ He quickly added. „Oh.“ You were relieved to hear this. „Well, good.“

„So you’ll agree to be my partner?“ Ed just wouldn’t let up. You sighed. „Look, Ed…“ - „The Riddler.“ He interrupted you. You let out a little laugh at this. You had noticed during your time working for Oswald how particular he was about this, which you found a little ridiculous. „Right. Whatever.“ You said, and, to your surprise, Ed didn’t actually seem to be offended at your refusal to address him by his chosen crime name. „I’m… flattered, really, I liked working with you.“ He seemed very happy to hear this. „But…“ you were moving a strand of hair out of your face with the bloody hand holding your knife, trying to find the right words without offending him. „I’m… just… not sure this is how I wanna do things.“ You apologized. „You sure?“ Ed said, moving off the wall yet a third time. „I think we could be great together. The Riddler and (y/n)! (he moved his hands as though presenting an invisible headline)… come on, no one would see that coming!“ He was definitely right about that one. „What do you say?“ Ed was starting to sound excited. You still weren’t really sure whether you should agree, you were just really set in your ways by now. But seeing Ed look at you so very eagerly, you couldn’t help feeling the odd rush of excitement return that you felt while working with him a few weeks ago.

„… ok, let’s give this a shot for a few weeks.“ You finally found yourself saying. „YES!! Oh, you won’t regret this!“ Ed actually did a little joyful jump. This made you laugh again „I’m kind of already.“ You said, but with a smile. „No, come on, this will be great.“ Ed assured you. „Hey: What has no hands, but might knock on your door, and you better open up if it does?“ - „An opportunity.“ You answered, without even having to think about it. „Correct!“ Ed said with a satisfied smile. „You know, as fun as it is standing in this alleyway, I think it’s about time we leave before the cops catch up with you after all.“ He indicated for you to follow him. „Oh. Yeah, I guess you’re right.“ You said, finally putting away your knife and gun, then wiping some blood off your cheek with your right hand, and, when you inadvertently looked at it and realized just how much blood you had just wiped off with it, you went „I should probably clean up too!“ You were looking down at yourself now, only just realizing how blood-soaked your clothes had gotten throughout this day. „Might not be a bad idea.“ Ed agreed. He seemed to find it amusing that you hadn’t even been aware of your appearance. „If you want, you can clean up at my place, it’s closer.“ You considered this a few moments, but in light of what you had just agreed to, it seemed impolite to turn down his offer. „…ok sure.“

„Oh, by the way,“ he began, as you two now started walking out of the alley together. „I took the liberty to short out the security cameras when you entered that bank, nobody will know that was you.“ - „Wow, thanks Ed!“ You were surprised, and impressed that he’d managed to do that so quickly. You hadn’t actually been planning on robbing the bank, it had been a spur-of-the-moment-type impulse of yours. „And I took out the 3 store clerks you left alive in the Narrows, and those patrons at the bar down town.“ Ed continued. „You did?“ You stopped walking now. Had he been cleaning up after you this whole time? Ed stopped as well and turned around to you „Partners gotta have each others backs, right?“ Your face was starting to light up while you were looking at him. „... right!“ As much as you usually didn’t mind getting caught during your crimes (you loved having a destructive reputation), you actually found yourself appreciating this. „So, what do you say?“ Ed offered you up his arm. „Wanna start planning a few crimes?“ This made you smile. „I’d love to.“ You said, taking his arm. Ed gave you another satisfied smile, then turned to lead you out the alleyway while adjusting his hat.

[rchtoziers]

fuck it. 37 + reddie. its hella cheesy so u can reword it but i’ll give u my firstborn ty i love u 💓

37. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”

this took me one billion years to answer because *jean ralphio vc* i’m the woooooooooooooorst BUT TO MAKE UP FOR IT I MADE THIS EXTRA CHEESY. love u xoxo

*

Eddie finds him at the Kissing Bridge.

It’s the last place he had expected Richie to wander off to, but he supposes any place is better than the haunted halls of Derry High. None of them had been particularly enthused to return for a reunion commemorating a place that was never really kind to them, but Bill had suggested they give it a chance if for nothing but a chance to all be together again, and when Bill suggests things the others have always fallen into line.

Still, Richie hadn’t lasted very long. His attempts to wallflower himself to the side of the gym were thwarted by people from their graduating class coming up and congratulating him on his big break. Eventually he had excused himself with an awkward pat on Stan’s back, a brief nudge against Eddie’s shoulder, and a halfhearted wave of his carton of cigarettes. Eddie had watched him leave silently, watched as Richie slinked across the floor and fled, frantically, out the gymnasium doors.

Eddie had followed after him without even thinking about it.

The Kissing Bridge isn’t far from the high school; some people say it’s a coincidence. Eddie says that desperate horny teenagers just stumbled across the first place they might have some privacy and called it good. The bridge is covered in carvings and graffiti and the same old garbage bullshit Eddie always remembers there being, but it’s got an extra accessory in the form of Richie Tozier as he leans up against the posts, danging an unlit cigarette from his lips.

“Not to sound like I’m condoning smoking,” Eddie says, “but those things usually work better when they’re lit.”

The corner of Richie’s mouth lifts up into a smile. “Ha, ha,” he says, without removing the cigarette from his mouth. “Maybe I’m finally taking up your advice and quitting.”

“Never thought I’d live to see the day.”

Richie snorts out a laugh. Eddie settles in next to him, leaning his arms against the post and looking out over the creek. It’s dark, the sun long past gone, but the water is illuminated by the lone street light at the beginning of the bridge. It casts a hazy glow over Richie’s face, highlighting the prominency in his cheekbones and the curve of his nose and deepening the shadows under his eyes.

After a while, Richie takes the cigarette out of his mouth and rolls it idly between his fingers. “Why’d you come find me?” he asks finally, voice quiet in a way it rarely is.

There’s something suffocating about being back in Derry that brings out the worst extremes in their personalities; Eddie hates that he feels like Richie is reverting back to the same quiet pensiveness he took on during their last year in high school. It was hard enough watching Richie close in on himself then. Eddie can’t stand the thought of it happening again.

“Someone’s gotta be your babysitter,” Eddie says after a moment. It takes a great deal of strength to look away from Richie’s profile. He counters, “Why’d you run away?”

Richie lets a long sigh. “Something about being back here just reminds me that even though I got the hell outta dodge and moved as far away as fucking possible, I haven’t really changed. I’m still the same person I was when I was here.”

Eddie frowns. “Bullshit,” he says. Richie laughs and rolls his eyes. Eddie knows him well enough to recognize that Richie’s trying to deflect. He presses on. “I’m serious, Rich. You’re not the same person, what the fuck? The kid you left behind in Derry, he wasn’t even funny. I mean, seriously, his jokes sucked. That kid couldn’t have gotten on a TV show. That kid would have been thrown out of Hollywood right onto his ass.”

“Gee, you’re such a supportive friend, Eds, I’m truly lucky to have such a swell dude in my corner,” Richie says dryly.

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie says. “I’m serious, Richie.”

Richie finally looks at him. There’s something in his eyes that Eddie has never seen before. They’ve known each other for their entire lives; Eddie has catalogued every emotion Richie feels and how it manifests on his face, and he still doesn’t recognize this one. It makes his heart pound in his chest.

“I’m serious, too, Eddie,” Richie insists. “Being back here? Nothing has changed. I’m still that idiot little kid with the feelings he refuses to acknowledge. Still the coward who is too afraid to say anything. I thought moving away meant moving on, but I’m still in the exact place I used to be.”

Eddie blinks, feeling a bit like he’s swimming through molasses as he tries to get to Richie’s point. “Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?”

When Richie laughs again, it sounds hollow. Forced. Sad. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you,” he admits. He puts the cigarette back between his lips and starts digging in his pockets. “Guess what? Failed that one pretty bad.”

“What?”

“Where’s my fucking lighter?” Richie mutters. The cigarette bobs dangerously up and down as he talks. Eddie only notices because he can’t really look away from Richie’s mouth.

Eddie’s own mouth snaps shut. “Richie,” he tries to say. It comes out strangled, inhibited by the fact that Eddie can’t truly wrap his head around the fact that this is actually happening right now.

Richie glances up at him, just for a moment, before his cheeks turn red and he drops his gaze back down to the ground. He starts patting around his pants pockets, still struggling to find his lighter. “Where the fuck?” he hisses.

“Don’t light that cigarette,” Eddie snaps.

“Fucking why?” Richie retorts back. He finally finds his lighter and pulls it out of his pocket with a victorious crow. Eddie lurches forward and covers Richie’s hand with his own before he can flick on the lighter.

“Don’t light the fucking cigarette!” Eddie repeats harshly.

“Why not?” Richie demands. His hand shakes underneath Eddie’s, trembling in fear or anticipation or maybe all of it. Maybe there’s a reason they moved out of this town but maybe this is the reason they had to come back. Maybe everything was leading them here to this shitty bridge in a tucked away corner in their shitty hometown where everything started and where everything would begin. Maybe it would mean something, this time, when they left together. Maybe it would mean what it should have meant the first time they left.

“I’m not kissing you if your mouth is gonna taste like tobacco, jackass!” Eddie says, feeling a little bit frantic and a little bit cranky and a lot like this could be the happiest he’s ever felt.

The lighter slips out of Richie’s hand, tumbling to the ground with a small click as it hits the pavement. Richie blinks in shock. “You want to kiss me?”

“Are you fucking stupid?” Eddie snaps. “Get with the fucking program, asshole! Of course I want to kiss you! You just—you dropped this huge confession on me but you didn’t even give me a chance to respond to it, which was fucking rude, so I was just gonna kiss you to get you to shut up, but I can’t very well kiss you if you have a fucking cigarette in your mouth and I’m not kissing you after you’ve smoked because that’s fucking disgusting, but Jesus fucking Christ I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were kids, you idiot! How fucking dumb are—”

In one fluid movement, Richie reaches up and yanks the cigarette from his mouth, throwing it unceremoniously over the edge of the bridge, before his hand cups Eddie’s jaw and tugs him forward and then finally, finally, he kisses Eddie square on the mouth.

Eddie reaches up, grabbing a fistful of Richie’s jacket and tugging him closer, closer, kissing him the way he’s dreamed of since he was old enough to understand what it meant. It’s messy and it’s just a bit desperate and it’s awkward when their noses bump into each other the wrong way and when Richie’s glasses bump against Eddie’s cheekbone but it’s also the most perfect Eddie has ever felt.

Seconds or hours or years might pass and Eddie feels so cliche he could drown in it, but Richie breaks away with a laugh and Eddie is left chasing it. He’s left with the dawning realization that he’s going to spend the rest of his life chasing it, no matter what.

“So,” Richie drawls. The grin on his face should be obnoxious, splitting from ear to ear, but Richie looks so shocked and pleased and warm that it just makes Eddie warm, too. There’s nothing cocky about this. Nothing teasing, even if that’s what Richie’s tone suggests. It’s just them. Richie and Eddie. Going, inevitably, where they were always meant to go. “You’ve wanted to kiss me since we were kids.”

Eddie’s grip tightens on Richie’s jacket. “If you’re looking for an idiotic childhood confession, it’s about three feet down the bridge where I carved your initial in a heart.”

Richie’s face goes slack. “No.”

“Yes,” Eddie mimics.

“Eds, that’s so embarrassing.”

Eddie refuses to be embarrassed by it. “You’re the one who dramatically came out to the Kissing Bridge to wax poetic to the night sky about how you still had feelings for your childhood crush, I don’t think you have any ground to tell me what I should or shouldn’t be embarrassed about.”

“No, no,” Richie laughs. With the hand still on Eddie’s jaw, he tilts Eddie’s face down towards the section of the post they had previously been leaning against. Their initials are carved there, too. Eddie’s face feels like it must be on fire. “I can say it’s embarrassing, because that right there is embarrassing, and that’s something I did. We were just a bunch of idiot teenagers with secret gay boners for each other and we literally carved our own names into the same general area of space.”

Eddie groans. “I fucking hate you, could you have phrased that any other way?”

“Truthfully? No,” Richie says. His tone is smug but he’s still gone that love-drunk look on his face. Eddie presses up on his toes until he’s almost kissing Richie again.

“Truthfully?” Eddie repeats. Richie swallows thickly. “I don’t hate you.”

Richie’s gaze darts back down to the bridge. “Think that much is obvious, Eddie my love,” he teases.

Eddie shuts him up with a kiss, and then another, and then another.

[shy-magpie]

RQG 152

Poor Alex, there was no way to know and changing the story would be more of a breach of the implied contract than going forward. Plus side this warning implies we'll get more info on how the biology of the infection works before RSB actually explodes. To be clear I am all for warnings, I just imagine this was one heck of an awkward position for Alex & co to find themselves in. Well one would think they wanted to get through the intros as fast as physically possible! Seriously bless em for sticking with the structure instead of saying screw it and diving right in. Must be frustrating but it really helps me get in the right space to listen. Yeah it was a bit of an altruism run. That Ben physically ill at the prospect of characters talking? Yuck it up, I was specifically promised three (3) distinct topics would be addressed including both coping mechanisms and back stories. Poor Azu. If someone doesn't hold her while she has a proper cry I will be an unhappy Magpie. Are the new kids going to be invited to the conversations that are totally for sure not going to be put off for a month? Retcon: Barnes and Carter actually fought well it. I guess they were just down to the tricky ones. Theatrical much? Cel is great, have I said that enough? Well obviously not it should be declared at least hourly: "2 o' clock and Cel is great". But right after last episode instead of backing down (and IDK implying Wilde told the new kids their pronouns), Cel is immediately introducing themself with them and emphasizing their importance. Hamid right in there with the leadership, telling the duo that the party needs to go into isolation. I know having Zolf around must have took some weight off his shoulders but the man has grown since season one or even since Prague. He didn't lose that just because he cheers up when not solely responsible for leading the party. Note there is a messy negotiation with Zolf about who is in charge coming up and it is a mark of my trust in this show that I'm not dreading it. Am curious if it will be explicit enough for the white picket fence kids to pick up on, I know I have a thing about rank but some people seem to miss that aspect entirely. OK point Zolf but even with his charisma score there has to be a better way to put it than "do that and you are responsible for infecting Jasper and the village". Wow I guess that is the case isn't it. Thank you leader!Hamid coming in again. Getting Cel the kind of updates on home Hamid was denied in quarantine is fairly low risk for great gains in Cel's comfort with the whole thing. Point of clarity: as much as I hate to admit it, once the quarantine began they couldn't really keep Hamid in the loop since Ishaq was in the care of the Harlequins. Its been implied even without simply escaping an infected person could have means of communication that work in am anti magic cell. The village however is public info. Zolf, I want that again in small words! Are we talking black death or infrastructure problems? Because a few targeted infections could take out the government but not directly kill the citizens. Cel is doing the forced cheer again. What the hell have they been through that they default to words of affirmation for gory violence? Like most characters acknowledge the gore or that it was helpful, not both. Barnes is more reserved outside of the fight. Issues? Trauma? Oh Helen spelling it out, he's my type, crap. "Emotionally unavailable pirate" is a lot of people's type TBF. No wonder I made a warding gesture on hearing Zolf's description and didn't warm up till Dover. These characters wear the red flag as a cape and I'm surprised when my heart gets broken every time. Eh Zolf came back and is doing well enough, maybe Barnes will turn out to just not be chatty vs heart rending. And Hamid in there with the initiative casting Detect Magic so they don't have to face all the risks implied with not checking over the bodies. Barnes and Carter are glowing "like a fireworks factory where things have gone wrong". Only Water Breathing on the mooks. Speaking of emotionally unavailable pirates, Zolf sounds resigned as hell. I know he's working on it but the situation would depress anyone and he's been having a time of it, what with the puzzles and all. Shutting down isn't actually coping better than being shouty just more convenient. Have I already mentioned I want someone to comfort Azu on screen so she can put herself first for once? Remember how bright she shone in Cairo? If she doesn't process soon she's going to echo Zolf's arc. Carter is trying to looking at the bright side. Thank you Ben and Alex, not only a mood lightener but one that reminds us that Zolf asks direct questions now. And Zolf just moved as clearly as possible to protect Azu after Carter lashed out in response to her. I know they have a ways to get to where Grizzop & Azu were but I think they are at least proper team mates. Maybe having Zolf on this side of the bars this time will ease anything Azu is carrying from their introduction. Cel is a delight. Did they just suggest hamster balls? I love how Alex jokes about his own set design. Ah there is Ben's Minecraft joke. I think that's what you call environmental story telling. I love the mental image of them making their entrance crashing the mine cart into the ambush, like half way between a roller-coaster and sledding. Ah its been so long Zolf can't apply his memories of mining. They are officially out! Azu and Zolf are finally breathing right. Hey Zolf broke the weather machine! Cel takes a look see. Plumes of smoke from Shoin's? Wreckage from all the storms. Zolf joins Cel and USES HIS WORDS! I am so proud of him. Like not kidding learning to proactively offer praise & comfort instead of only offering concrete assistance in reaction is a huge step. Oh Cel! Getting yourself killed fighting alone would not have been better than defending your patch. And Zolf is right there, god remember Paris? Remember Prague? Now look at him. And there is the reality check. Not as jarring as it could have been. Azu is face down on the ground near Hamid! No more putting on her game face and slogging through it! Yes, process all you need darlin, no reason to rush. Hamid checks in! Azu takes his hand and explicitly talks about how scary it was when he was missing. Hamid talks about putting on a brave face for Skraak! RQG really just said "we're giving the fandom everything they want" in an episode recorded before we had a chance to ask. Azu checks in with Hamid! Oh Hamid its ok not to be ok. Oh hat Azu! Hamid call your family 18mumble is a go! Alex I will scream if he gets another delaying tactic. Cross your fingers we might get Ishaq and Saira! Azu assures him it would OK. Timing Zolf Horses! Topaz! Barnes: right Well that's a fair reaction to a celestial camel, he doesn't even know what the T stands for. Azu hugs Topaz Thank you Alex for making judgmental celestial camel canon.  How GMs don't all go insane with power from the moment it hits they can rewrite their world on a whim is beyond me. A Shetland for Hamid, a standard sounding horse for Cel, a cart horse for Azu, and another Shetland for Zolf. Carter can't get the question out before Zolf shuts him down. He is sticking to his word to Skraak, the island belongs to the Kobolds. Hamid calls en route! Bryn remembers to roll for it! Ishaq is a great kid, such a good sign he sounds like a kid too. Yes the kids are all together in the country house! Dad is at a redacted location, thank you Alex! Mom is alright! Saira is busy and the biggest problem with Ismail is that he is now taller than Ishaq! Ismail is good at magic too. Family bonding time. Einstein is working. Emeka & Veseek are helping things. Ed is with the family. Zolf is not happy about the call. Fair Zolf but none of us are regretting that call. Eh it being a one time thing is fair. Have I mentioned I like how Hamid & Zolf bicker? Its not like with Grizzop. They assume good faith and argue about the issue not score points. Part of why I shipped them in the beginning honestly: charismatic as Hamid is he probably impressioned like a duck on the first person to care more about what he was saying than how he said it. They joke about how hard nonverbal shots are in a podcast. Yes Alex we really do respect your craft. Might have been reassuring Ben. Helen is on the audience's side as always and tells him to pay up on the promised coping mechanisms talk. And Alex makes them roll a perception check. Do not talk block. Carter has been trying to eavesdrop. Azu tells him he isn't invited and Zolf tosses something at his head. Carter slinks back off. Zolf is still not good with words but he is resisting the urge to take it back. That counts damn it! Azu: your not good at talking for someone who says we need to talk. Yes Azu, and thats what makes it special. He is willing to put himself out there and do things he is bad at for the sake of the team. I like how Helen plays Azu getting over her issues with Zolf rather than just leaping to "Hamid vouched for you so we're besties". I need a clip of this, Zolf is offering to listen and be there while respecting boundaries and citing his own experience. Helen is great, Azu jumps right into the 18 months by asking about his relationship with Poseidon. Which again makes sense, as Azu is still working on "we met after you drugged, trapped, and imprisoned me". Which I get but seriously couldn't it have been in the stew or something? Drugging a woman's drink has connotations. Azu backstory(ish) oh thank Alex her cult is still doing the good work. Zolf tells Azu this, and offers her an out? Hamid & Zolf offer reassurance. Yes Hamid specifically tells her it isn't her fault. Zolf assures her that she isn't responsible for Sasha's decisions. Cel and Carter are chatting about what they've seen on the island.  Barnes tells them to keep the volume down and does Zolf's thing of bouncing something off Carter's head when he's loud again. Hamid moves to check in with Cel. Cel calls him on it.  Hamid asks what Cel plans to do after quarantine! Thank you Bryn! Cel doesn't know, ow. Cel feels obligated to be more proactive. Hamid reassures and points out that they were able to do it as a team so its not on Cel for not acting alone. Cel what is your backstory, afraid of being the monster. Thank you, I could wrap myself in this episode like a blanket. Cel how do you know that about being friends with mercs? Hamid would do it again but wants them to have a choice. Cel: When I call you little buddy I m not referring to the size of your heart. And that was veering saccharine so Ben swoops in with the Harrison Campbell joke. Do not make me get into why Hamid might be using snobbery as a cover for continuing to care more about what people might think than what he wants. Its a cheap shot for what could equally be he's that age and still has some flaws to work through. Thank you Alex for being realistic about horse pace without turning it into a word problem. Wilde! Cel points out the inn keeper could be infected, the boys explain the system of watching one another. Zolf is not letting Wilde get cute with his team again. Wilde wants them "fully supervised" in the bath. I feared that Alex, Wilde turned himself off again. Zolf calls him on it, kinda. They skim past the bath, thank you that could have been problematic. Thank goodness they are leaving the cell door open but locking the trap door. The new kids are in quarantine with them. Fair, going to be fun, but fair.  

[trauma-13]

All the asks 😈

Who hurt you the most?

My dad. He essentially walked out of my life when I was 12-13, and blames me for our lack of relationship and refuses to acknowledge his part in it. 

Who have you hurt the most?

Oh hell. Uh, I really don’t know. 

Who do you miss the most?

My mom, and my friends that I don’t see on a regular basis. @car-one-responding i’m looking at you. 

Who do you want out of your life the most?

Happiness and to feel like I’ve made a difference in someones life. If that’s a stranger, a friend, my son, my husband, doesn’t matter. I like helping people. (I misread, I thought this said WHAT do you want out of life, not WHO. So to answer the original question, I wouldn’t mind my dads wife wandering off somewhere and never returning.)

Who had the biggest positive impact on you?

There’s been quite a few people. My mom and two of my nursing mentors are the first ones who come to mind. My mom taught me to never give up on your goals, no matter how hard it is and how much you may struggle. She taught me to what a good mother is, and was always present in my life no matter how busy she was in her own life. She gave me my love of nursing and helping others from a very young age, and continued to inspire me to join the nursing profession. She continues to inspire me to further my dream within this career. My nursing mentors are a married couple I used to work with, who I still speak to on a fairly regular basis. They’re the epitome of amazing nurses. D is the kindest person, she gives every patient a piece of her heart and cares for them like they’re her own family (even the frustrating ones). She’s so loving to her friends and family as well and goes above and beyond to help them anyway she can. M is also an incredibly caring nurse, who is the smartest human I’ve ever met. Not just in nursing, but in every aspect. He’s continued his education into his 60s to further his career and his knowledge to provide the best care for his patients. When I first met M, I had just started at my prior job, I was fairly quiet just because I didn’t really know anyone yet. I had worked there maybe a week or two, he put an arm around my shoulders and said “You’re kind of quiet, do you want to be friends?” and immediately he was my favorite person. Of all the people I’ve worked with through my 10 yrs in health care, D and M are the ones I miss the absolute most. 

Who had the biggest negative impact on you?

Again, my dad. I have very good and fun memories with him when I was little, like 10 and under. However, he decided his wife and her children were more important than his own and he walked out of my life. It took a VERY long time (probably 10 yrs) for me to get over his abandonment, and accept that it wasn’t my fault and there is nothing wrong with me as a person that caused it. 

Who do you wish you could be honest with?

I’m a pretty fuckin honest person, and I tell people like it is. There aren’t many people I don’t just speak my mind to. 

Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?

I’m sure I have in the past, but there isn’t anyone who comes to mind specifically. 

Who would the world be better off without?

The cheeto in charge of our country. Sorry, not even a little bit sorry. 

Who do you wish you’d treated differently?

I was a dick in high school to a lot of people, and I don’t really think I had any reason. 

What was the worst day of your life?

The day I got kicked out of nursing school. I obviously got back in, but it was a horrible experience. 

What’s your greatest fear?

Failure. 

What’s your biggest insecurity?

My knowledge level. I feel like I’m not as smart as I should/could be. 

What’s your biggest regret?

Staying in my past relationship for as long as I did, and ignore all the red flags that were there since day one. 

Describe your ideal world.

Cleaner air, less crime, less pollution (across the whole world), more green/renewable energy use, a safer world for my kid to grow up in. Married to my hubby, raising our son and possible a #2, to have the financial ability to help foster rescue dogs. 

Describe your personal hell.

The current world we’re in. 

What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?

Hmm. I feel like I’ve always had very realistic dreams. So probably the slim chance that I’ll win the lottery haha! 

What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?

Probably when my douche bag ex got shitfaced, the PD called on him, they called fire for an evaluation because he had a lac on his hand due to punching glass, they wanted to take him to the ER and because he was absolutely obliterated he couldn’t refuse annnnd they took him to the ER I worked at. When I got there he was in full on 4 pt restrains and had been given the magical vitamin H. I shoulda turned and walked out then (or one of the many red flags before....)

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?

When said ex threatened to hurt my dogs because I told him I was done and to pack his shit and get out. He pulled a knife on me and said he would kill me and the dogs if I tried to leave him. I figured I could probably keep myself alive if he did attack me, but if he hurt my dogs I’d have gone to jail that day. 

What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?

Honestly? this last week. motherhood is hard. breastfeeding is fucking hard. I was having such a difficult time with breast feeding and postpartum depression that I had legitimate suicidal thoughts with a vague plan of what I would do. I’m fine now, don’t go calling for a welfare check. 

What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?

Again when douchey ex threatened my dogs. They’re my world and I would do anything to keep my kids (2 and 4 legged) safe. 

What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?

Also this week. 

What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?

Frantic?? uh fuck, the most recent time I can think of was the day before my son was born, my OB told me I had to go to the OB triage at my hospital because my BP was high and she needed to monitor JTD and make sure he was okay. 

What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?

When I stood up to my douche ex as he had a knife pulled on me.

What’s the best case scenario for your future?

I’m a trauma nurse at a level 1 trauma center, hubby is done with nursing school working in his dream unit (either ED or ICU, he changes his mind daily), our son is happy and healthy, if we choose to have a second kiddo that they’re happy and healthy. We own a nice house, with a good sized yard for the 2 and 4 legged babies. 

What’s the worst case scenario for you future?

Uh, I lose my rights to my son, and lose my license. 

What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?

Tie between labor contractions when i was complete/ready to pop the kid out, or when I had nasal surgery and they accidentally “forgot” to give me any pain medication through the whole surgery. Honestly probably the nasal surgery, it was constant, the contractions came and went, frequently, but there was a little break in between. 

What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?

I’m going to go with when I found out my ex cheated on me and knocked up the girl he cheated with. 

Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.

I try really hard not to be a hypocrite, I’m sure there’s times it’s happened but I genuinely can’t think of a time off hand. 

Describe a time you felt like a traitor.

I really don’t know. Again, i’m sure there’s been times, but I don’t remember any. 

Describe a time you felt like a hero.

I wouldn’t necessarily say “hero” but when I’m able to help people at work, and when my knowledge and skills benefits them. 

Describe a time you felt inhuman.

This last week. It’s easily one of the hardest things I’ve been through. I felt so detached from my family and I just didn’t care. 

Describe a time you felt like a failure.

This last week. I felt like I was failing as a mom, and that I couldn’t do anything right because I couldn’t even feed my son in the natural way I’m meant to as a female with mammary glands. 

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

Uh. Honestly the only thing that comes to mind is when i skipped a lease with my college roommate (the first time I went to college). It’s genuinely not that bad, but I can’t think of anything else hah. 

What are you proudest of?

My son, my husband, my degree/license. 

What’s your relationship with your family like?

With my husband and son, it’s great (now). With my moms side of the family it’s great as well, I talk to my mom every day, and my gramma and grampa every couple days. I’m also fairly close with my Uncle. My in-laws are pretty good too, my mother in law can get on my nerves but who’s doesn't, honestly hah! I have a decent relationship with my half-brother, Aunt and gramma (Nana) on my dads side, and my cousins. Literally the only one I have issues with is my father and his wife. 

What’s your relationship with religion like?

I think organized religion is a joke. I’m completely against it. I don’t personally believe in God/Jesus/whatever, but I do believe in afterlife and that there is such a thing as past lives and reincarnation. 

Talk about someone you’ve lost.

My grampy died when I was in 4th grade. He was an amazing man. He was very stoic and didn’t show his emotions much, but he always included me in whatever he was doing (fishing, camping, working in the yard, whatever it was). He showed his love in different ways, more with his actions than words. 

Talk about someone who abandoned you.

I think i’ve talked about my dad enough hah 

Talk about a desire you have that scares you.

To become a trauma nurse. 

What’s something you wish you were capable of?

I wish I was able to do more first-responder stuff. I have the ability, just not the time currently. 

What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

Becoming a trauma nurse hahah 

Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.

Doesn’t everyone wish they had been born into money?? 

Describe your worst heartbreak.

When my dads wife texted me and told me “youre a selfish bitch, and he would be better without you in his life” and he told me I was lying, even with the text proof. I was 14-15ish. That was the final straw, and when I stopped trying to have a relationship with him. 

Describe your worst disappointment.

When I was in nursing school and I failed the full body assessment the first time. I was anxious as fuck and over thinking everything. I technically passed based on points, but was asked to come back and re-do it once I had time to clear my head. 

Have you ever taken a fall for someone?

Taken the blame? No. Own up to your own damn mistakes. 

Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?

No, I take the blame for my own mistakes. 

Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?

I don’t think so?? 

Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?

I hope not, but maybe. 

Have you ever self-harmed?

It’s been about 5 years since, but yes. 

Have you ever attempted suicide?

Attempted no, but had a plan, yes. 

Have you ever stolen something?

On accident when I was like 5 hahah We were in line at the grocery store, an you know they have all the little toys and candy and wtf ever at the check out lanes. Well I was looking at something and mom told me lets go, so I continued looking at it and followed her off. Mom realized, took me back inside to return it and apologize and the manager ripped my ass in front of the check outs. 

Have you ever cheated on someone?

No. 

Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. 

Have you ever taken revenge on someone?

Nah, people have a way of ruining their own lives. 

Have you ever seriously considered killing someone?

Not had a plan to, but remember my ex threatening my dogs? Had he done it, i’d have attacked him. 

Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?

I don’t think so? 

Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

Yeah, I regularly experience things all the time. 

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Estonia to Eurovision with a lowkey tribute to Avicii soundwise I guess

I’m not one of those people to go all their way out to overdefend Eesti Laul as “THE most diverse NF to ever exist songwise”, but even I was disappointed in this sudden rush of radiofriendly pop music that I would rather refuse to describe if I had to endure any of them ever again all at once this year. Remember - Netta won with being CRAZY! Why can’t Estonia be CRAZY even more! Was this secretly a bigger demand from the new producers or so that Estonia would need to out-radiofriendly the Latvians whose goal actually was to find a good radiofriendly song that’s enough for qualification????

Also, I kind of wanted to watch Eesti Laul, but I haven’t really settled with it, as I didn’t have enough patience to watch it one time it wasn’t on Saturday (!!). Even with Eesti Laul usually taking the live tweets from foreign fans into account and displaying some of them on the national Estonian television for good measure. And often showcasing their weirdness through crude animations every so often. But I already saw my Twitter timeline being full of that stuff, and for that I’m happy.

I did have some favourites despite being tired of all this pop stuff, and one of them was the ever-so-gender-ambiguous INGER (I say so cuz I thought it was a guy, turns out it’s a she, yeah), and I kind of wanted to see her win after the lowkey last minute interest towards her? But the televote didn’t seem to want any of it during the final public say, and didn’t even want Kerli (not the Spirit Animal Kerli) through despite of her being “hot” (are we now choosing ESC NF winners based on their looks??? tighten up ffs). Instead the final’s televote thought it’d be a good idea to fuck up the international jury’s expectations by putting through an act that got 2(!!!!!) finalised points from them jurors overall and making it win the superfinal. That televote 12 the act got beforehand was just enough for the guy to last-minute qualify over another act of 14 overall points, and who knows, maybe if it wasn’t for that 12, the winner would’ve been someone else. But it didn’t and we have a last minute qualifier victory because televote superfinal is a thing.

And in the literal sense of the way Estonian minds thought their victor that was unfairly treated by the juries was a Swedish singer Victor Crone and his song “Storm”, which was written by the one and only Stig Rastafarian~ err I mean Rästa. Stig is one mythical human creature that never rests a minute without really wanting to appear in the Estonian delegation somewhere every year - whether as all by himself, with someone else, as a songwriter for someone else, or even as part of a band (remember Traffic, anyone? Now that I think of it, the whole band looks like a puppet-act just for Stig to get to Eurovision and the other band members didn’t even want any of it in the first place). Just exactly what is Stig’s aim here? To "take it back to Tallinn”? To meet new people in Europe because he’s too lazy to travel otherwise? To boast about the many Estonian entries he contributed to? Beats me.

That and Victor Crone being Swedish, therefore a man more suited to Melodifestivalen (where he actually once participated in) and only on Eesti Laul because Stig really wanted to save his voice for this one and tag some randomer along with him just for the sake of yearly input to Eesti Laul. Well, at least Victor is historically joining Sahlene and Sandra Oxenryd as “a Swede represending Estonia for a year because what do we know for the Estonians that weren’t chosen instead”. Let’s check his song out.

First and foremost, as the title obviously states, the song reminds me of the late Avicii’s music style, especially around 2012-2013, when he was just starting to get bigger post-”Levels”-release. Just with a bit more singing surrounding the song because... well, maybe to fill up the song some more in order to not look awkward on stage during an instrumental part of the drop being as long as would be one you hear on the radio.

Then he has this easy-listening generic male radio voice that the audiences can not necessarily reasonate with, but it’s memorable, together with the chorus, whose purpose is to be memorable - you don’t need no message that’s special, you just need a melody to hum in your head for the next few weeks, and that’s basically what Stig was able to achieve with this little ditty. Then there’s the amazingly easy song structure: verse - chorus - verse - (extended) chorus - bridge - chorus (+ song ending). That’s a structure that works on basic songs to make them more user-consumption-friendly and not too overbearingly dragged out. And I enjoy it, just like I did “Light Me Up” last year, which was also sung by a mediocre-live-vocalist-Swede that could have easily ended up 6th in Melodifestivalen edition with such song, sadly. I do acknowledge that it’s basic, but I enjoy it.

The problem the Eurofandom finds with this song is that it’s too basic of a song from Eesti, Victor’s proven himself to be a dull live singer, and the chorus rhymes “like this” with “like this”, and all the self-rhymes are automatically shite. And it’s fine if a song I like has its flaws, but it automatically worries me that its live potential is automatically down the drain because of the singer’s lack of vocal compassion or strenght. That begs the question, why choosing THAT kind of song if it’s totally going to underperform live in Eurovision if the singer wasn’t sick in the NF at the time???

...oh I get it now, you Estonians must have thought Stig deserves another year in the Estonian greenroom. Or you found Victor hot. Or you find it great that a song about a storm actually was originally staged to look like Victor’s in a storm. At least for the televiewers’ eye. Because all that they see in the real arenas is the singers’ backs if they don’t turn around in time.

With visuals like these, why even need a music video! (except that there already is one, look at the beginning of the review)

All in all, all condiments are there: just the sugar, spice and everything nice there’s needed for a song like this to break a fandom like this. You can practically smell the Hesburger grease from this song. I don’t care if that’s a bad thing - if you like the song, that’s fine, just shut up and enjoy... but if you dislike it, welp, there’s no way I can change your mind then.

And a random backing singer. Not that she’s helpful as the one for Ott Lepland or anything, she just strikes like thunder and leaves no lasting impact whatsoever.

Greta Salóme’s imaginary cousin, is that you????

Now excuse me while I contradict and repeat myself some more in the next few paragraphs:

Approval factor: As you might have seen me shading Elina a lot last year, I can safely say that at last I’m spared from her vocal practice entrapped in a porcelain-and-silk dressing!!! I like “Storm” myself so I’ll sheepishly approve the hell out of it, lolol. :-)

Follow-up factor: I would be lying if I didn’t say that after a risky-ish way to get all out opera and then coming back to a safe song after doing well with that opera number weren’t a complete nosedive into an empty pool. Subjectively it flows way better for me, but objectively, and the same could be, once again, said for Eesti Lawl [sic] 2019, it is rather interesting of a letdown? But hey, maybe it was finally time for the Estonians to chillax a bit and cave in to send an Estonian-Swedish pop number after the opera stuff, after the 80s synthpop stuff, after the smooth and slightly orchestrated and a little bluesy number, and heart-grabbing ballads... just so they could keep up their ‘variety’ in case Hungary runs out of ideas and starts sending cop-outs of themselves. They already did it with rehashing one artist and one lyrical idea already this year (the catch is that the father’s alive!), honestly. And oddly enough, they have yet to send something a little more modern/electro-influenced that appeals to the common crowd... (”Running” may not count because not everyone can relate, whereas there are more cases of broken-off love (as if in the other half being a heartbreaker or the first half missing the other half so much that they feel “incomplete” than abusive fathers. Just what I think there is? If I’m wrong I obviously expect to be @’ed in the replies section lol) For this conclusion though I’ll say that my opinion says it’s a ‘’’decent’’’ follow up, but for Eurofans, it’s not very much so of such, idk.

Qualification factor: you may think it’s dead while going to perform in between the more badass entries AND mediocre live vocals, but it won’t at least be the worst Stig entry to ever place - around 14th in the semi at the very worst and maybe in the lower half of top 10 at very best imo. Nothing more, nothing less.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I actually barely even bother with Eesti Laul since they don’t accept my Twitter comments live on their television anyways. Say, were there any Twitter comments live on their television this year? No one on Twitter boasted about it if they saw theirs from what I’ve seen, but what I’ve definitely found from the eager Eesti Laul watchers were some casual and usual Estonian oddities thrown on the broadcast, such as:

• The soft and warm but also random and deranged yearly transitional postcard animations (that were refered to as “crude” earlier in this review), which I commonly know now as “my last two braincells”. Even if the graphical theme itself of this year’s Ee-Lawl were oddly-shaped birds coming out in forms of letters, they didn’t really show up much in the broadcast I suppose, and the best fuckery with my mind this year definitely happened when I saw some of THOSE pop up on my Twitter timeline:

We now return to your regularly scheduled news programm~ wait why are you saying that the scheduled programme should be Eesti Laul

• Even if the most acts themselves weren’t that kooky musically, they were obviously interesting performance-wise. We were greeted with an impulsively quirky crazy cat lady Kaia Tamm who bemoaned the absence of the fluffy creatures in German somehow (you know Germany’s a terrible track-record keeper when the only song in German this year featured on Estonia and the only German in Eurovision this year was gonna be sung by an Ukrainian entrant if she was alowed to), as if a song in full Italian from last year wasn’t enough. Not only did she dress up as Alice in Wonderland with kitty ears, but her costumed dancers were entertaining, the violinist was FIRE and a cute large teddy bear looked cute on stage. Not to mention, someone have rightfully noticed that some costumed felines in the audience looked like as if they were to kill someone:

• Lumevärv too is an interesting thing. Never forgetting Lumevärv. This Inga woman, the fiery orangehead she was, used her 3 minutes on stage the best possible way with dancing with her back turned on at the audience and only looking at the camera, while millions of lights (which is sadly not what the songtitle "Milline päev" means) shone in the audience, creating an amazing mood.

• Hey everyone, the 10 years challenge is back! This time it’s with the violin virtuousess(???) Sandra Nurmsalu, the lead of Urban Symphony, who deserved much more than a 3rd place. Unfortunately the Estonians did not bring her back to get her desired revenge, which meant that they thought that they woodn’t need no magic tale fairy that’d grant them tree wishes and let her magic wand our out the wondrous [sic] sawdust. I’m already seeing myself out for how terrible this sounded. And it’s a bit saddening about this not doing as well as some hoped, considering she would have brough out the new and the better Jacques Houdek teas:

• Other favourite act of mine from this year, besides the aforementioned “ever-so-gender-ambiguous-looking INGER” with her indie-folk jingle “Coming Home”, was the charming disco-haired Sissi Nylia Benita with a wholesomely radio bop “Strong”, and they both actually looked like they stood a chance in the superfinal vote-up now that the actual Eesti Laul fan favourites, pretty cute pop boys like piano-indie-pop-driven Stefan and electro-pop-and-Kirkorov-driven Uku Suviste, were not receiving enough support by the juries I guess??? I’ll show a video to INGER if anything and link you all to the rest so you could judge these young and beautiful souls to yourselves in a way!

• Other note-worthy acts include another song about the notorious instrument horsefly in Ee-Lawl’s history that stood even less chance than “Parmupillihullus” but is still fun regardless, and the united forces of Tanja (EE 2014) and Birgit (EE 2013) trying to compose a bigband talk show anthem and dedicating the lyrics for them being ladies with their high heels out on. And honestly, that’s all I’m gonna talk of acts-wise because most other songs were THAT of a radiofriendly-radio-filler that they don’t warrant anything else exciting for me to say.

• No but for real, the voting to the superfinal was completely off-rails. Instead of Victor, juries were there to support that Kerli woman that wasn’t from 2017 (and her soft acoustic song too), as well as Sissi and INGER (but you already know that because I barely read my write-ups before I finish them, hence lots of redundancy). At least that’s all to my knowledge. But everything definitely changed when the televote attacked! And turned the top 3 all male, lol. This voting was rather random simply because the juries didn’t really love Victor, but it definitely took the televote to convince them that “lol Victor is definitely worth of Eurovision!!! screw that he’s non-Estonian!!!” (the difference is that Victor doesn’t have a big social media following unlike Bilal and didn’t win an obnoxiously people-powered talent show unlike USNK from A Dal 2018 - it’s just that he’s more backed by Stig Rästa, and Stig is love, Stig is life.) Honestly, I am all up for unpredictable voting, but if it looks unpleasant to me, then I feel like tuning out.

We’re over with this write-up, thank-fuck-fully, so that you won’t need to hear me lamenting how supposedly cheap “Storm” is ever again. But before that I will have to leave you with some Eurovision 2019 facts coming on: Estonian delegation can be lucky for once - instead of having had to panic for spending an egregious amount of money for a staging detail, this year they don’t have to worry, as the organizers were so shook by Victor’s stormy sky effect, they offered to pay for it themselves!!! Crazy, huh??? (reported for favouritism)

And now I’m done. And we’re moving on to another review and I end up wishing Victor Crone the every best of luck out there. Storm out with a good time well spent! (Whatever that might mean.)

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E11 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 372 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 367 Responses

Another week, another episode with high ratings. We’re happy to see overall enjoyment of the anime has stayed steady for several weeks!

best episode of the season thus far; nothing in this show has made me cry so hard since ymir's call of silence moment from season 2. WIT did amazing!

Best episode of this season!!! So happy with the way it turned out, except I wish they didn't play the credits when Carla was speaking at the end cause that took away from it. Also, baby Eren is the cutest thing to exist.

F L O C K! Very nice episode

great episode, really helped close things up with uprising and its setting up the change of gears for RtS

It was one of my favourite by far.

The episode was amazing as hell

THIS EPISODE HAD A SENSE OF FINALITY TO THE ARC. DO YOU THINK WE WILL GET A NEW OP/ED NEXT WEEK, DESPITE THE UPCOMING BREAK? 367 Responses

The majority of voters are confident we’ll be getting the same OP/ED combo one more time to finish off the story arc. It’s about an even split between those who think we will get something new and those who are unsure.

Withdrawal already starting to set in... what will we do without new eps.... and new polls to answer... no more new gifs... pls don't make it another 84 years. I cannot take that again.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES WERE YOUR FAVORITES? 367 Responses

The most beloved moment of the episode was seeing Eren smile after hearing what his mom had to say about him so long ago. Keith and Grisha’s backstory were close runner ups. The orphanage and the new titan guillotine also got plenty of votes!

I loved to see young Grisha, I like everything about his backstory.

The nosebleed... that is all

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING CHARACTER INTERACTIONS WERE YOUR FAVORITES? 368 Responses

Similarly to above, hearing Carla’s words to Eren was the favorite moment of the episode. Sasha trying to stay away from Keith got laughs out of many of us! Eren making Historia blush, Jean’s heckling him over her and Mikasa’s jealousy about them talking together were also highlights for the voters. Keith interacting with Eren’s parents also got high rankings.

Levi being all worried about Eren was something I really needed <3

Jeans salty ass comment towards Eren about Historia is why I love the man

Hanji's way of getting mad at Keith is even better in anime version and her voice is perfect <3

mikasa cockblockerman

I really really wish we had more Grisha x Carla interactions both in the manga and the anime. The little that we have seen from Eren and Mikasa's perspective shows a very affectionate relationship. Still, I really like how well WIT has brought even those few interactions to life.

Hange was absolutely amazing in this episode. I missed that insane excitement of hers! Historia's look upon being confronted by Mikasa was priceless! And Springles' teasing Marlow! Ahhh this was a very sweet episode! Now I'm just looking forward to the next one for major Eruri feels!

WHO'S MORE OBLIVIOUS TO ROMANCE - EREN OR MARLOWE? 362 Responses

It was a close call, but ultimately Eren wins the award of most romantically oblivious character!

HOW BEAUTIFUL DID CARLA LOOK AT THE WEDDING? 367 Responses

While a few voters weren’t impressed, the majority of voters found Carla absolutely stunning at her wedding.

Carla Jeager is the best mom of this show, that's all😞💖

Fuck Isayama and wit for making Carla so beautiful and just killing her off episode/chapter 1 my gay heart can’t take it

I’m sorry but all I thought whenever I saw Carla this episode was ‘Wow, she looks a lot like if Eren was crossdressing’ like the wedding, no that was just Eren crossdressing

Tfw Carla in a wedding dress looks like Eren with too much blush on... Poor woman, if she only knew what she was getting herself into.

It was so wonderful seeing Carla after so long! She looked absolutely stunning.

HOW CUTE WAS BABY EREN? 367 Responses

The majority of voters agree that baby Eren had the most pinchable cheeks, while a few weren’t fans.

Baby Eren is so cuuute!!!! OMFG

Baby Eren wasn't that cute, but him munching on Carla's hair melted even my frozen heart.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT KEITH AFTER HE TOLD HIS STORY? 367 Responses

Over half of voters felt bad for Keith after hearing his backstory. 21% felt he was just pitiful, and 12% related to Hange’s anger and disappointment toward him. Most of the write in comments were very understanding of him:

I felt bad for him when I read the manga chapter but I don’t know why, I thought he was kind of pitiful in the anime. Maybe it’s because the scene where Keith feels guilty and wants to apologize to Carla for what he said to her.

This man deserved happiness

I really didn't like him and his excuses.

i respect him

I felt sorry for him. This guy is a good guy but he has very low self esteem.

I think he's the same as Eren: normal person chosen to be someone special

I have mixed feelings about Keith. On one hand, he endured so much suffering throughout his life. He went outside the walls, something unthinkable for most people, and fought for what he believed in for over two decades. In the end, he had nothing to show for his efforts. On the other hand, he cost so many soldiers their lives because he was completely caught up in his inferiority complex. While I feel sorry for him, I agree with Hange.

A little bit of all the choices I suppose.

I relate to him lol

I realized that Keith is the character I can identify the most with. Somehow he resembles my own sad life.

Not as useless as he says

Well how would YOU feel if some rando from oUtSidE tHe fUcKiNg wALLs stole your girl?

I felt really sorry for poor Shadis. He had a gold heart but saw himself as useless. Maybe he wasn't talented commander and lost love of his life, but he is special and unique on his own way. He should understand what Carla was saying about Eren - "everyone is special" - doesn't matter if they do small or big things.

YOUR REACTION TO CARLA’S WORDS ABOUT EREN BEING SPECIAL? 365 Responses

Nearly 40% of voters found the words very touching, almost 30% believe it was something Eren really needed to hear at that time and 24% are still shedding tears over the commentary. A small few weren’t affected by the scene at all.

Eren is special, even if he doesn't think so (in many past moments and also future things he will do). He is different than others and not because he has the power of titans. His personality is unique, but also very realistic. Isayama has portrayed him really well.

Eren isn't special, and that makes him special

Carla's moving words about Eren were sadly wasted on him. Nobody tell Carla!

It was very heartwarming and full of love. Carla didn't care if Eren was going to be special or not. She just loved him warmly.

Those words resonated with me.

This episode by far was one of the most touching to me because Eren got acknowledged by his mother through Keith and i really feel like he needed to hear that because of how it would affect his morals from then on.

KEITH WANTED TO PROTECT EREN FOR CARLA’S SAKE. WHY DO YOU THINK HE GAVE IN AND LET EREN PURSUE THE SURVEY CORPS? 365 Responses

Over half of voters believe that Keith realized he couldn’t stop anything. 30% believe that he could see Eren was truly one of the “special people” that would bring about change. Smaller groups of people believe he cared about Eren’s autonomy or that he wanted to honor Grisha.

He did his best, but his best was never enough. The story of Keith's life as told by Keith.

I think Grisha's final words to him really hit him at that point. That he was just a bystander, but Eren being Grisha's son was anything but. He was one of the special people.

He saw his determination to keep going even though all odds were against him. Who is Shadis to decide to stop him?

He gave up after seeing Eren's determination

He realized no matter how hard he tries, he can't change anything. When he became commander, he couldn't save Survey Corps members from death, or prevent missions from failing. Just as he was a bystander when his fellow comrades fell victim to titans, he is a bystander as Eren progresses.

He saw in Eren the strong personality, a huge will power and also the fact the Eren may be more special than his father.

I think it’s a mix between fate and that he saw Eren was destined to be special so anymore interfering would result in failure in the end on his part. I think he realized Eren was just that Special of a person.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SCENE OF THE VETS TALKING WITH ZACKLEY AND LEVI BEING ENTRUSTED WITH THE SERUM BEING PUSHED TO THE FOLLOWING EPISODE? 364 Responses

35% of voters agree that as long as the scene is included, that’s all that matters. 27% didn’t even realize the scene was missing and 26% agree that saving it for next episode was a good pacing decision. 10% still prefer the timeline of the manga.

Good decision. This episode was cramped as it is, having to skip the ED just to fit in everything, and having cut out so many dialogue, that if they put that scene in something else would have suffered. I already feel bad that Keith's chapter only got half an episode whereas Kenny got a full episode to himself. I've always liked Keith's story better too.

I can't wait!

Good decision. It wouldn't really fit in with the tone of this episode.

THOUGHTS ON FLOCH’S STYLISH RED ANIME-PROTAG HAIR? 361 Responses

Nearly half of voters were initially thrown off by the change in Floch’s hair color, but are ultimately open to it. 30% are still trying to figure out what is real in life and what isn’t. 14% think WIT committed an atrocity. A very small few think it suits him perfectly.

A surprise, to be sure, but a welcomed one.

I demand more swirls

His hair looks like an eagles nest but go off

Makes him more unique, in order to stand out more, but blonde would look better

As a ginger im offended, but I guess they did it to make him stand out ... and look less like Trump.

I thought he was blonde, but I still like it!

I hate floch and this is STILL the worst thing thats ever happened to me

I couldn’t think this was ever possible BUT Wit has made Floch even more awful... His hair is already one of the WORST thing in the world, now the color too. It makes me to dislike him even more lol. Thank you Wit for this pearl

Why they gotta do this to my man?

I imagined him as blonde so I'm still adjusting to that

It makes him look like the sort of guy who pulls over to show off his modified Honda Civic while blaring dubstep from his super rad sound system. Which is exactly the kind of person I've always pictured him as.

Wit seems to be making a lot of hair color changes that we don't expect this season. I don't hate it though.

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT KEITH, CARLA AND GRISHA WOULD FEEL ABOUT EREN IF THEY COULD SEE THE DIRECTION HE’S GONE IN RECENT MANGA CHAPTERS?

The results came out about as expected. Keith was a mixed bag with the majority of voters believing that he would either be neutral or a bit disappointed in Eren’s current actions. Carla being very upset with Eren’s actions got the most votes out of anything, while a smaller few just think she would be disappointed. Most voters agree that Grisha would be either proud or at least very understanding of Eren’s current choices and actions. Makes us wonder how Carla and Grisha would have co-parented as Eren got older!

Why there isn't a WTF option on the "What would Grisha/Keith/Carla think?"

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PV ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 364 Responses

Overall, voters are looking forward to the scene where Eren, Mikasa and Armin have their talk, but 36% of voters are most looking forward to the detail of Levi listening in on them. 15% are looking forward to Sasha’s reaction to getting to eat meat, and 11% are looking forward to Erwin giving his fellow Survey Corps leaders words of encouragement before the retaking of Wall Maria.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

A very poignant one, considering they hired about a dozen of directors just for this episode.

Floch's hair is a bird's nest. Keith=Snape confirmed. Baby Eren eating Carla's hair is the purest thing to come out of this sad-factory.

Bystander is one of my favorite Manga Chapters of the series and the WIT definitely did justice to it. Thanks, WIT.

Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch Floch

I can't believe Uprising is already over! It hasn't even been twelve episodes yet and I'm excited for Return To Shiganshina but I'm also not ready…

I feel like this episode, particularly Keith's story, recaptured some of the sadness and sense of helplessness from early in Season 1. It was a breath of fresh air.

My god! What an episode, ladies and gents. This episode is by far my favorite (except for Floch's hair color, he should have been blonde, not anime-protag red). Now let's wait for next week's talk about the ocean with the Shignashina trio, shall we?

I feel so split. I want Eren to know he's great and brilliant but the way he's going in the manga scares me so much! Who is he now?!

Episode was great but I wish they would've kept these thoughts by Keith: "Those eyes. It's just like his father wanted. His life is like a blazing fire. And I'm sure that fire will burn him to ashes outside the walls. He'll never know what his mother wanted for him."  Not a big deal at all but I just really liked those lines.

Is it just me or did this episode seem to put a lot of emphasis on Armin in a lot of Floch's scenes? Was it the same in the manga?? Foreshadowing??? I don't even remember.

Not enough Erwin. I need more Erwin.

I'm especially in awe of the animation because oh my god, Eren does resemble Carla most, but you can just see current manga Eren in young Grisha's appearance! I'm not so good at figuring out which features of the face make it so, but I think it's beautiful and lends a lot more authenticity to the fact that Eren resembles both his parents in a way, just like people do in real life!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 345 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated. See you again on Tuesday!