#i think we are the sixth of at least seven weddings this group of people has on their calendar in the last 12 months

[gooseplumes]

keep hearing from attendees that our wedding was "so refreshing" and "one of the best they've ever been to." it was just dinner and drinks in a private room at a restaurant in the rockies. open air to a balcony. lots of shots. music my husband curated (i helped). like SO low key. didn't even really have speeches. didn't have a cake! and people were especially not invited to the vows. that was for Us and the commissioner and the 2 legally mandated witnesses we had to have there.

so hearing how much everyone loved it is sooo funny like ok you all actually hate ceremonies huh. you're sick of all the tradition. you just want to get drunk in a room together

[heymeowmao]

2024.08.17 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325068458969923865

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Liu Yuning. Welcome~ LYN: I need to tell you- Happy 817! C: You’re finally streaming! LYN: It’s not that bad, right? It hasn’t even been that long since my last stream. /hic/ Sorry. I ate something before I started streaming. The last time I streamed, it was- /hic/ What’s wrong with me?? Hold on- Let me get some water. C: Did you lie? LYN: No- I had something to eat before I started streaming. Maybe I inhaled it too quickly. I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to keep streaming, so I thought I’d eat something beforehand. So I’ll.. stream for a little while today. Someone also said, “you’re finally streaming” and I don’t think “finally” is appropriate, is it? I streamed only a few days ago, it hasn’t been that long. I’ve got to make sure you’re well fed. I’m sure that there are no other artists out there like me, who come to stream when they have nothing better to do. 

C: You’re pink and soft~ LYN: Yes~ After all some of you have spent six- though I’ve debuted for six years, this is the seventh 817 together. You’ve grown with me for seven years! Think about it. If one of you were 35 years old when you first starting liking me back then, and have stuck with me to this day, then you’d be (at least) 41 now. Isn’t that right? If you were 18 when you first started liking me, then this year you’d be… 18 + 6… 24 years old. You’ve probably started a job now, huh? So I wanted to dress young so that we collectively feel younger. C: This is my fifth 817. LYN: For some, this could be their first. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. There might even be an eighth. C: I was 14 when I started liking you. LYN: Then, adding six years you’d be… 20 this year. How nice.

LYN: For the friends who are new or for the people who are just passing by and have unknowingly found themselves here- what is 817? It’s not a particularly special day, but for my fans and I, it is. People are wondering why 817 is a fan-day? It’s because the year I debuted, I had held a fanmeet. I invited a lot of people- I think it was 300? We set 8/17 every year as a festival for my fans. It’s quite a happy thing. Every year around this time, we can be happy and spend it a little like a festival- it’s a holiday of our own. LYN: There are many of my fans grouped in all different locations. For example- I won’t be naming any specific locations. Because if I say, “Shanghai, Beijing, Liaoning”- once I start naming cities and provinces, then I have to name them all. For example, I name Zhejiang, but not Henan. Then the fans in Henan will say, “What’s the big idea? Are you looking down on Henan fans? You don’t even want to mention us??” If I name Henan, but not Hebei: “Are you looking down on Hebei?” That’s not it. In the end I’d be naming them all. There are “sheds”- that is, my fan groups- in all different locations. On this day, 8/17, they’ll gather together to rent out a place, have a meal, and share their stories and the happiness they’ve gained from chasing the star known as Liu Yuning. They’ll use all their different dialects to describe how handsome and cool I am in their eyes. It’s that sort of festival, where they flatter me. No- I can’t say it like that. It’s where they make plans for the next 817 festival day. LYN: It’s just a small get-together for my fans, and they spend it happily. I’ve seen that some rent out a place, and even a huge screen. It’s like a wedding venue! Also, I was thinking- would it be bad of me to stream at this time? Because I’m sure that even at this moment, there are groups that are still in the midst of their gathering. Possibly, many of them are watching right now through their phones, or if they have a big screen maybe they’ll cast this to the screen to watch my stream. Right? :D Look- we’re even interacting. If there are people watching me right now, I’m sure they’d have all collectively answered, “Right!” It’s like a concert, now. LYN: I hope- I’m guessing- that the places you’ve rented out are private spaces? Because if it’s a public space and there are other guests in the area, they’re probably thinking that I’m crazy. You all also don’t look very sane. So, I hope you can be more discreet.

LYN: But I was wondering if it would be okay for me to stream at this time, because it’s past 8p, almost 9p. Tjey probably started eating around 6p or 7p, and eating would take about an hour. Many of my fans, though female, have probably already started drinking. I was afraid that many of you’d already be… so happy you’re dizzy with it. [read: drunk] If you’re watching my stream on top of that, too much excitement might not be a good thing. C: I can drink more than you! LYN: I’m sure you can. I’m peanuts- my tolerance is no good. I’m SURE you can drink more than I can, you don’t need to compare. There’s no need.

LYN: Alright, well. Ning-ge will use water as wine and make a toast to you all. Let’s all raise our cups! You- drink water or soft drinks, if you can. Grab your cola or sprite and let’s go. Here’s to you. Happy Holiday! C: Use tea as wine. LYN: Okay, okay. C: Ganbei! Ganbei, lao-da! LYN: Some of you started a chant: “Drain it! Drain it!” This type of person- that’s not very good of you. You think you’re being very enthusiastic, but we’re trying to get people to NOT drink. Also- I’m drinking water, not wine. We’re not limiting water- drink as much as you want. If our emotions are deep, then- ?? Why did I say that? Well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go. If our emotions are deep, then down it in one shot. If our emotions are shallow, then just sip. (感情深一口闷; 感情浅，舔一舔.) - /drains his glass but also pours a little water on his keyboard/ LYN: (acting drunk) /hurk/ Sorry- I drank too much, friends. I- My alcohol tolerance is really low. I can’t keep you company anymore, so- drink and be happy amongst yourselves. I can’t drink anymore. Look at how red my face is. I’m not a good drinker at all. I really can’t hold it. One glass and I’m out. You uh- if you want to drink, then you continue. Be happy.

LYN: Many of you are probably at home? I read a comment that said, “I just finished cleaning up the house and you started streaming.” That’s great. If you’re at home you can be nice and comfortable. Grab some snacks and we can spend a few relaxing and happy hours together. C: I’m on a diet. LYN: Oh, you’re on a diet? Then, restrain yourself a little. Don’t grab any snacks.

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C: Lao-da, do you know any Mongolian? LYN: I don’t speak any. But I can sing it. :) I think I only know one line, though. Does that count? I don’t know. -- 乌兰巴托的夜 (The Night in Ulaanbaatar) LYN: This probably doesn’t count as Mongolian… - /looking something up on his phone & struggling with it/ -- 鸿雁 (Swan Goose) LYN: No, the- the translation/pronunciation that it’s giving me doesn’t look… Let me try again. - /take 2/ LYN: Again! - /take 3/ LYN: /laughs/ Ah- let’s forget it. I accidentally got carried away with it. Excuse me.

C: Ning-ge, did you drink? LYN: I just drank two mouthfuls of some water as wine, didn’t I? But I didn’t expect that it would go to my head. So, I didn’t drink but I am a little “drunk” with it.

C: If you haven’t checked in today, go do it. LYN: Okay. If you haven’t checked in yet on my Super Topic, this is a reminder to go do it.

C: Rang Jiu. LYN: I think today is also- what is it called- Daomi Festival, right? That is- a festival for fans of DMBJ. What a coincidence, that it’s the same day as my fan-day as well. Also coincidentally, I sang the song for Tomb of the Sea and have acted as Hei Yanjing. I think there’s some fate there. C: What a coincidence! LYN: It is! I don’t know if I’ll be able to sing it well, but how about I give it a try? I’ll try.

LYN: /laughs/ Do these make me look overly cute? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. At least it can cover how red my face will get, because this song is goes pretty high. -- 让酒 (Let the Wine) LYN: !!! It’s been too long since I last sang this song! I missed the timing for the chorus, sorry. Let me start from the top. Let’s stop the previous segment there, and then erase it. LYN: /pretending he’s drunk/ This is, ah- drinking and singing don’t mix well. But I didn’t drink any alcohol. I’m joking, friends. Oh, look. The producer (of the song) is Song Pengfei. That’s our good friend. [t/n: Ning-ge’s fans are called “pengfei.”] Let’s try again, properly this time. Excuse me. -- 让酒 (Let the Wine) (take 2)

C: Lao-da, let’s sing “chi” together. LYN: Let’s not, because the track I have is for the female key. (hard for him to sing along to)

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C: Lao-da, read my comment and my heart’s wish will be fulfilled. LYN: You can’t say such things. There is no “fulfillment of your heart’s wish”- you will encounter so many different goals at different stages of your life. This might be your current wish, but you will have many more in the future.

C: (Wang) Yizhe saw your commentary. LYN: I know- he made a reaction video to my reaction. I saw it. It was fun. An interaction between friends.

C: Ning-ge, I want to watch your livestream- LYN: Let me imitate this friend’s way of speech. They’re probably a student, to have made such an innocent comment. [t/n: he uses the word “chunzhen”, yes- homophonous with the yogurt.] They said, “Ning-ge, should I do my homework, or watch your stream?” They asked such a question. I think it’s like this- definitely do your homework first. Your studies come first. As for my stream, there’s always the playback when it ends. When you’re finished with your homework you can lie down on your bed and watch. Or maybe tomorrow when you have the time. You don’t necessarily need to watch me stream live. There’s not really a difference between a live stream and a pre-recorded one. Actually, right at this moment you’re watching a recorded stream, it’s just that you don’t know it yet. This is recorded, and is just playing. You might see me sitting here now, but actually I’m outside eating some hotpot. 

C: But watching “live (at location)” has more feel. LYN: Are you watching a concert, what are you talking about, “live” has more feel??? It’s not worth it. This is all there is to a stream. Even though we are far apart, we’re just meeting through a screen- be that a phone or a computer or cast to a tv or tablet. There’s nothing to watching it “live (at location).”

C: Can you see our comments with those glasses on? LYN: Yes? Just because I’m wearing them doesn’t mean that I’m blind. How could I not see them??

C: Is your blush a filter or what? LYN: It’s a filter I turned on to match today’s pink shirt. /turns it off/ Now it’s normal. My face isn’t pink. It was a filter.

C: Lao-da, when will the soybean oil you owe me come into stock? LYN: My studio really did help me to buy oil and rice today. When I came home today they asked me if they should move the goods into my streaming room, so that I can show you that I have them prepared. I said, “Forget it.” Why? Because if you really start taking me seriously, then this would be a difficult thing to facilitate. Sometimes, and mostly in my streams, a lot of the things I say aren’t exactly outright joking but more abstract and you can’t tell. But I discovered that when I’m trying to be abstract and joking, there are really some people who are taking me seriously. I’m speaking in an abstract sense, but people are really believing it. So… I’m afraid that one day my joke will turn into a lifetime of silence. So I told them to forget it, because if I really bring oil and rice here today, you’re going to spread the news. Then, it will be that I secretly let some people receive theirs and some people don’t get any. Then people will stop checking in to the Super Topic (because they have no more expectations). I don’t need anyone really taking that promise seriously. I’d be in big trouble, then. C: You can only trust 20% of what he says. LYN: Yes. Only trust 20%

- /keeps “cheers-ing”/ LYN: Water as wine. Today we’re celebrating a holiday… C: Raising fish… // Drain it! LYN: /sigh/ It’s just water, what’s there to drain?? I don’t think I should have said what I did, earlier. “If our emotions are deep, then down it in one shot.” I shouldn’t have said it. Because now every time I pick up my cup I get the feeling you want me to drain it. LYN: If you’re going to keep making me do that, then the neighbors will be fighting soon. Very quickly. They’re going to start fighting. Hold on, let me pour more into the cup. But know that if you keep making me drain it, the neighbors are going to be fighting really soon. (t/n: he’ll need to go use the restroom, lmao) C: It’s okay, we have the videos.

C: How about spending the new year? (stream past 12a) LYN: I don’t think I will be able to stream for very long tonight. I have a bunch of scenes tomorrow to shoot, so I’ll stream until it’s about time and then go. Don’t try to force me to stay.

C: Lao-da, I can see your blackheads. LYN: That’s a bit much, isn’t it? Has the quality of the video increased so much that you can even see my blackheads?? That’s amazing.

LYN: (backtracking) So I thought I would forget it, and not show off any oil or rice. I was afraid if I showed you actual product, you all would start requesting your allocations. This venture is a little too large of a scale, I honestly don’t think I would be able to pull it off.

C: Ning-ge, smile at the camera so I can take a screenshot. LYN: /makes a crying face instead/

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LYN: It’s another 817, yeah. LYN: We posted a video for the day, right? And in it there were a lot of clips, especially from my concert. I felt a little emotional seeing it, because it’s been five years ago now. I do miss it. So I was wondering if… it was about time for me to have my next concert. LYN: 1. I am, actually, a singer. So a concert is a must. 2. When I’m watching the video I really will feel a bunch of emotions and miss being in concert. I’ll start imagining what it was like in the venue. I really need to look into finishing up dramas this year and start working on my concert next. I should work on my music. C: Release your album first. LYN: Yes, very soon. Once this drama wraps I’ll go and finish up my album. We’ll make plans to post some things, and then it will be released. After it’s released we can just get the concert sorted out for next year and we’ll be set. That’s my current plan. - C: How many shows for Beijing? LYN: I don’t yet have the confidence to say that all my tickets will be sold out. I’m not like others, where a ticket is hard to acquire. For me, the concert goers are hard to acquire. If I open too many shows and no one buys the tickets I would die of embarassment. There’s no point if I’d be singing to myself. I’ve heard enough of that as is. So I was thinking just a moderate amount would be enough. One stop per city. As long as everyone can see me and I can perform well, that’s enough. C: Arrange more shows. I really won’t be able to fight for a ticket. LYN: That’s nonsense! Many of you always give me the misconception that my tickets are hard to get. The sales aren’t even open yet, and you’re already acting as if they’re sold out. Stop fooling me. I won’t believe it. - LYN: But after I saw that video (for 817), I thought I would finally start making plans to hold my concert next year. It’s about time, and something I should have been working on. LYN: So, I wanted to say that MAYBE next year I’ll hold my concert. Maybe. It’s still only a possibility right now. But the probability is high because I really want to have it.

C: Ning-ge, open reservations and let’s see how many you’ll need. LYN: Are there pre-reservations for concert tickets?? I don’t know about it. I mean, a reservation is fine but when actual sales open and people don’t finalize to buy the ticket, don’t we have the same problem?? So, let’s just see when the time comes. Keep feeding your piggybanks. LYN: I really think that the investment to go to a concert is really very high. It’s not as simple as tickets. Those can range from a few hundred to a few thousand (RMB). But the problem is that many of you are coming from surrounding areas to the city nearest you. There’s the ground transport and airfare, which could rack up to a few thousands. If you live close, maybe you can get away with just a train ticket. But then there’s the cost for hotel. It’s a lot of logistics and expenses to think about. It’s costly, so start saving up in your piggybanks. Once tickets sales are open, you can smash the piggy and rush over.

C: Lao-da, can minors attend? LYN: ? That, I really don’t know. Probably! A lot of my friends are mothers now, and my male fans are fathers- I always see them bringing their kids. I’m not too sure on how the tickets were sold, though. You should be able to buy tickets. I mean, there’s no- I can GUARANTEE that there will not be any nudity (or content not suitable for minors) at this concert. For example if I’m singing, and then all of a sudden it goes to my head and I rip my shirt off. There will be none of that happening, so I’m sure that minors can attend. There will probably be no such impulsive behaviors. C: Kids can buy tickets as normal. LYN: I think so, yeah.You should be able to go. I saw kids in my concerts all the time, so you should be able to come. Rest assured. LYN: Wait- because I said that there will not be any shirt-ripping, will that influence my ticket sales? That is- many of you were expecting to see something, but I told you there’s no chance, so you no longer look forward to it as much as you did before?

C: Where to buy tickets? LYN: You’ll find out later, when I’m ready to have the concert. I’ve only talking hypothetically, up until now. I saw the video for 817 and I missed those times. I’ve spent the last two years constantly shooting for dramas, and I think it’s about time that I work on my music now. C: You’ve spent the last five years shooting dramas. LYN: Yes, I have but I also sang a lot of OSTs. Still though, I haven’t released any of my own music, so I’m really very ashamed. 

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C: Ning-ge, do you need copyright to release/play a song? LYN: In my stream? Probably not? If I’m using it for business (profit) then that’s probably no. But if I’m just listening to it, there shouldn’t be any problem. My stream is strictly no business- I don’t “officially” promote dramas, I don’t try to sell you anything, and I don’t accept gifts. It’s just a normal entertainment stream, so playing some music in the background probably wouldn’t violate any copyright rules. Even if I did, I don’t think it would warrant anyone suing me?? LYN: Right now I am playing YoungCaptain’s song. I don’t expect him to sue me tomorrow. I don’t think it’s worth it. After all we have what counts as a small collaboration. This goes for anyone- I don’t think me playing their songs in my stream would garner such a severe reaction as them suing me. It’s not worth it.

C: Ning-ge, be the spokesperson for the cologne that you always use. LYN: ? You know, I alway see comments online saying, “Every time Ning-ge walks past us, he smells so nice!” ? “What cologne is he using??” I keep thinking about this and I- ??? I don’t think it’s me? It’s probably on YOU, and when I walk by I stir up the wind. So what you’re smelling is the other friends who are there. I don’t think it’s any smell of cologne from me. Probably when I walk by- breeze by- and what you’re smelling is the perfume from the fans before you. Then I bring the scent of whatever YOU’RE wearing to the person next to you. And so on and so forth. So you’ll never be able to tell exactly what scent it is. It’s the combined smell of countless perfumes that you all are wearing, not what I am wearing. LYN: If you ask me if I USE any cologne/perfume, of course I do, but mostly for events where I have to make an  appearance. So at the very least I don’t smell like sweat- I’d like to smell nice. But I always change it up. What’s the basis of this? Because sometimes I use my makeup artist’s. Sometimes I use my hair stylist’s. Sometimes I use my assistants’. Then sometimes I use my own. It’s not a sure thing, so there’s always a different scent. C: How much do you spray?? You must have to use a lot. LYN: Let me tell you- one time- you really shouldn’t spray too much perfume. If you put on too much it’s truly excruciating. One time I took a plane, and the person next to me had so much on. It smelled nice, sure. But I was almost choking on it- even through my face mask.

----- break #1

C: How did the fight go? LYN: Don’t ask! Why do you need to know about things that have nothing to do with you… It’s fine- they weren’t fighting. It was just the sound of the tv. C: They’re watching A Lonely Hero’s Journey (Gu Zhou). LYN: Yes, probably. I didn’t clearly see what they were watching. It was probably GZ.

LYN: There’s someone who keeps wanting me to talk about my work- you can stop spamming. It’s endless. Why would I come to stream, just to chat about that? I don’t know what you’re thinking, asking me to “talk about this” and “how did you feel about that”. Are you crazy? Who am I, to talk about that stuff in my stream? I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop spamming. LYN: How shameless do you think I am, to talk about those topics?? You really don’t consider me a stranger, do you. You’re still spamming. I’m not kidding. This is a matter of respect for this industry and for the people I’ve worked with.

C: Lao-da, you’re trending. #31. LYN: I don’t believe it. There’s no way. Absolutely no way! LYN: Let me take a look. LYN: … /sits in silence, bc he’s not on it/ C: You were on it, but just dropped. LYN: You’re liars! - LYN: Friends, all of a sudden I am feeling a little sleepy. I feel like sleep is coming. I have a song called 狂风袭来 (strong wind is raging)- but now I feel sleep coming. [t/n: making a language pun] I want to sleep, now. Maybe I should take a shower and then just go to sleep? Everything is possible, in a dream. [t/n: he can be trending in his dream XD] C: Sleep early. Getting enough sleep is important. LYN: I’ll stay a little longer, but good night to you. Let’s not force it. - LYN: Someone just asked a profound question, “Is a trending topic that important?” Let me think of how to respond to that. If I say it’s not important would that be disrespectful to weibo, because being on such far-reaching network and to be trending is actually a huge form of support for an artist? But if I say it IS important, then there’s that added connotation of exploitation. If I say it’s important, then you’re going to think that the only reason I stream is so that I can be on the list of trending topics. It makes me look shallow. There’s no good way to answer this question. LYN: But I do want to say that it does have importance. Because if I am on the trending topics, people might see that and then make their way into my stream. They might not know me, or understand me, or only know of me only due to all the negative comments, but through a single stream- if they stay five or even ten minutes- it’s possible that their impression of me could change. Maybe they’d think, “LYN is not as annoying as I thought. He looks pretty normal, and not as bad as everyone is saying he is.” It’s like that. I believe the purpose of the trending topic is so that many more people get to know me and understand me. Once they know my name, perhaps in the future when I release a song or one of my dramas airs- they’ll check it out because they remember that they watched five minutes of my stream once. Every consumer is important. Each and every one of you is important. So, I still hope that I can have a trending topic, so that people can come to know of me.

C: I never thought a trending topic could influence so much… LYN: It’s not, really. It’s okay if I don’t have a topic, but if I had one it would be even better. It’s just icing on the cake, but life without it goes on as normal.

C: When will you come to Xinjiang? I’ll take you to eat delicious foods. LYN: Okay. I’ll go to play if I find the opportunity, and eat your delicious foods. 

C: Ning-ge, does Daimi lose her color? LYN: ?? Does she lose her color? Do you really think she’s a mop?? Actually… she has changed color. When I first got her, she was black and white. But as I continued raising her, she’s turned grey and white. I think part of the reason for this is maybe what we’re feeding her, which has caused her color to not be as black and shiny as before. She doesn’t really eat dog food. She eats sausages- that’s her main source of sustenance. She’ll only eat dog food if you hand feed it to her. She might not eat it if you give her two pieces at once. You have to feed her piece by piece. When she’s had enough she’ll stop. She likes snacks.

C: Lao-da, I’m about to start school. Can you try to stream on the weekends rather than during the week? LYN: There’s no problem with this. I’ll stream when I stream, and you can watch the playback as needed. The two don’t contradict. My streams are not at a fixed time/day. When the time comes and you can’t make it, you can just watch the playback.

C: Can you help me do my homework? LYN: I can’t help you.

LYN: ! Last time someone in the comments wrote, “Ning-ge, I lost my dog!” and then just now I think I saw “Ning-ge, I found my dog!” Congratulations. Also- I don’t know if you would like hearing this or not, but- small dogs are a part of your family (and should be treated as such). It looks like a small dog, but it’s really a small person. Suddenly losing them is a painful thing, but I’m glad you found it and I hope you learned from that. Be sure to keep a good eye on them from now on. LYN: My dog, too, would run. When I was shooting dramas before- we live in the hotel, right- as soon as the door opens, she would run outside. She just wanted to go outside to play, I don’t know what for. She wanted to be outside. One day, she got out and when I finally realized and started to look for her she wasn’t even on the same floor anymore. It scared me to death. Becuase there are so many floors, I went one by one looking for her. I had already looked for several floors with no sign of her. After a while, I don’t remember who told me, but they said, “There’s a small dog in the first floor lobby.” I went down immediately to see her wandering around. She took the elevator down. It was stopped on our floor and she probably got in and rode it down. Once on the ground floor she was dazed, looking around at everyone and thinking none of them looked like me. I almost lost her, that day. It was a long time ago now, but be sure to keep an eye on small dogs.

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C: Ning-ge, I lost my older brother. Could I borrow you for a few days? LYN: How about no? Forget it. LYN: You can consider me as your brother from a distant place, who you have no contact with. Go ahead and consider me your brother, but our relationship is that we are not in contact. Let’s make an example: you are my sister. We’re born from the same parents, and I’ve always wanted to learn art but we’re a transfer student family that has businesses in all different places. We have billions in inheritance. Our father wanted me to take over the family business, to become the owner of said billions. But I wanted to pursue music and acting, so I refused to inherit and decided to leave home. Our father said, “If you step out those doors, don’t ever think of coming back!” I walked to the door and turned back with a wry smile, replying, “I would never return to this house even if I died!” I slammed open the door and very unpolitely left. I’ve been out on my own ever since then. I deleted every contact from home I had including you, sister. I deleted your contact info. There’s no way I’m going home because honestly I am very happy now. I’m doing what I like to do. Please take over the billions in family inheritance for me. Our family business is counting on you. LYN: I am your brother, but we aren’t in contact and we can’t meet. Just forget it.

C: In order to fulfill your dreams, you won’t even acknowledge your sister anymore?? LYN: I think it’s like this- It’s not that I’m not acknowledging that I have a sister, it’s that this episode is not up to the reuniting step yet. On 8/17/2024, that part of the series has not been uploaded yet. Later my sister and I will fight over the inheritance, but that’s in a later stream. At this point in the story, we are not in contact. I am pursuing my dreams and she is at home preparing to take over the business. Reuniting comes later. C: Reunite when you’re 60. LYN: 60 is a little late. Let me tell you my life plan: after a certain amount of time, it could be one or several years later, I will suddenly come to realize that my family is the most important. I’ve already accomplished what I wanted to for my dreams, and I experience some event that makes me think that family is important. So I go home. There is sure to be such an episode. Let’s not rush.

C: Ge, what if our dad accepts you? LYN: Meimei, you mean that Dad accepts that I want to sing? LYN: There’s no way. I don’t believe it. Don’t try to trick me! I think you must be working together- to trick me into coming back home. No way. I can’t go back. 

C: Ning-ge, my friend says that you’re not sane. LYN: /sigh/ What sort of terrible friend?? /laughs/ You don’t have the greatest taste (in friends).

C: Dad already told me. Ge, actually, I’m adopted. Ge, come back. Let’s start over. LYN: Oh- So you’re saying that Dad is insistent on giving the business over to me and not you because you’re adopted? Oh~ So you’re adopted. We have no blood ties? - [t/n: I can see where this is going (love story), and how LYN is trying to get around that. XD] LYN: /smirks/ Wow, so thrilling?? LYN: But there’s a problem- which is that you didn’t know that I’ve always known about your birth. Dad SAYS that you were adopted but the truth is you are the daughter he had with another woman. Since it’s come to this, I have to tell you the truth. I am still your brother. We have the same father, but different mothers. Our dad tricked you. Don’t overthink this. Let’s maintain some distance.

C: Ge! I also want to be a celebrity. Why don’t you show me the ropes? LYN: Huh?? Sis, let me tell you- the life of an artist may LOOK shining and brilliant but actually it’s hard. It’s hard to get good footing in this industry. It’s not anything like what you’re thinking. Also- it’s not so easy. You think I can help you become a celebrity? I’m not even doing very well myself. If I try to bring you up, I’m afraid that we’ll both fall. Sorry, but it won’t work. I can’t take care of you. Stop thinking about it. LYN: Just take your billions in inheritance and have a nice life. 

C: Ge, if I can’t be a celebrity, then can you take me to meet some instead? LYN: Oh, so for example I have a celebrity friend and you want to meet them, so I take you to see them? So it turns out that you weren’t a fan of me, your brother, after all? The reason you’re a fan of your brother is so that you can see other celebrities?? You’re not going to ask me to help you get their autograph next, are you???

C: Ge, my best friend says that you sound like a duck! LYN: Ah. I sound like a duck??! No way, right? It doesn’t sound that bad, does it? What are you talking about?? LYN: What a terrible best friend! What type of people are you hanging out with all the time?? LYN: QUACK!

C: Ning-ge, so you did have resources backing you after all. LYN: “LYN must have someone backing him in the industry” and today the truth has come out. That’s right- it’s the Liu Group’s business empire. The story goes like this, friends: it all started from ten years ago. I decided to leave home that day- when my father said, “If you step out those doors, don’t ever think of coming back!” and I rudely talked back at him, saying, “I would never return to this house even if I died!” I started out on my own, to pursue my dream of music, me- the prince of the Liu Group. I went to pursue my dreams. At the start it was like hitting a wall, but inexplicably, slowly, I started to become more and more successful. I started finding jobs one after another. But the truth is that the Liu Group- my father- was secretly helping me. He found some companies and told them that if he invested then they would need to bring his son work in return. That’s the truth of it. I have the Liu Group Business Empire backing me.

LYN: Everything I have said so far is just for that variety show effect. I’m joking, so please don’t take it seriously or think I am trying to disrespect anyone. This is purely for show. LYN: (This all started) Because there was a friend earlier who wanted to be my little sister.

----------

LYN: Someone said that their best friend think that I sound like a duck when I talk. Now that I’m thinking about it, the more they say it, the more like one I become. C: Ning-ge, your voice is a combination of Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse. LYN: What are you talking about?? Who’s Minnie Mouse?

C: Ning-ge, what are you doing after filming wraps? LYN: After wrap I’ll be cleaning up the set after the crew. Move some props. LYN: It’s not set yet, but I have a lot to do after filming wraps. Mostly its music work. I have songs to record and business events. C: Will you have more variety shows? LYN: Only Melody Journey. And then… that’s it I think.

C: Lao-da, this time you’re really on the trending topics. #12. LYN: You’re lying to me! Really? I’m afraid to look! LYN: Let me see what’s up! - /checks it/ /is sad/ LYN: I’m sure that it was not this friend’s intention to trick me, but that they didn’t hit “trending topics” but “MY trending topics”- so it’s not the same list. You clicked on YOUR trending topics- the one IN YOUR HEART, not Weibo’s trending topics! I’m already only #13 in your heart, so what other good news do you have to tell me?? LYN: If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please so do. Thank you, everyone. C: Gege, I’m sorry. In MY trending topics, you’re #30. LYN: /laugh cries/ Today is 817, isn’t it? You want to anger me to death, don’t you? [t/n: number pun - 把我气] LYN: You dare to trick me? I think that you no longer wish to keep working in this industry. Woman- you’re playing with fire.

LYN: No but really, I’m ok. It doesn’t really matter to me if I’m trending or not. I’m only streaming- what’s there to talk about? I always stream, so it’s not a rare thing. If other artists start streaming and end up on the trending topics because of it, that’s normal. But I always stream. C: You don’t “always” stream, you stream once a month now. LYN: Once a month is already not bad. Since August has started this is already my second stream. What more do you want?

LYN: I discovered that I have an influx of student-fans. I suspect that they’re ELEMENTARY students. Because what they’re saying is so childish. “Lao-da, can you help me do my homework.” Do you think I would have gone to cooking school if I were able to solve your problem sets? I would have gone to Tsinghua or PKU, instead of grilling sweet potatoes.* And you want me to do your homework?? [t/n: 考上 (kǎo shàng) - admitted to vs. 烤上 (kǎo shàng) - grilled] C: I thought you grilled corn? LYN: I’ve done it all. LYN: They were admitted to Tsinghua. You were admitted to PKU. In the end, I grilled sweet potatoes… and corn.

C: Do you think I should go to sleep or continue watching your stream? LYN: Go to sleep. It’s already past 10p. It’s about time. You should sleep or rest when you need to.

C: Let Liu Group’s Business Empire invest in Weibo. That way you can be at whatever number on the trending topics you want. LYN: Liu Group’s Business Empire is in a parallel universe. It’s a different place from where we are right now. Don’t misunderstand. The story I was talking about earlier was about the me from a parallel universe, not the me from this universe, right now. I was merely communicating a little with someone in the parallel universe, is all. 

C: Have you given any thought into being my dad? LYN: /crosses his arms in the shape of an “X”/ LYN: Don’t mess around. You just threw me back to the days when I was playing 劲舞团 (Jin Wu Tuan) [??]. I used to love playing that game, spending my days in the internet cafe like this: /keyboard asmr/. “Boss, could I get instant noodles over here?” LYN: There were families or whatever in that game, and there would always be people going, “I’m the father/I’m the mother. You are my daughter.” At the time I thought those people were so childish. But now Ning-ge has grown up, or rather- he’s gotten old, so I can’t play like that anymore. 

C: Lao-da, I’ll be starting school in a few days, console me. LYN: It’s good to be able to pursue studies. Why should I console you? You’re lucky, but you just don’t know it.

C: Ning-ge, could you get me an autograph from Jackson Yee? LYN: Uhm. I think if I were to thicken my skin and boldly ask him for one, I would probably be able to get one. If I ask, I think he would likely give me one. I don’t think it would be a problem. But I want to ask- why should I?? Why would I do such a thing for you? I just want to ask. Are you associated with Liu Group’s Business Empire? C: Ning-ge, ask for an autograph for me and I will throw 100mil at you. LYN: /laughs/ /muttering/ You all must be crazy!

------ Break #2

C: It’s my first time hearing you whistle. LYN: !! -- 手写童话 (Handwritten Fairy Tale) [Listen-Ning EP] - /singing along/ LYN: Wait- if I’m remembering correctly, I whistle in this song, right? If I’m not wrong it’s this part. Is there, though? I forgot. - /continues singing/

LYN: One day I discovered that I have a LOT of songs… that I don’t remember how to sing anymore. Some that I even forgot existed. But I asked others singers, and they have also had this type of experience. Because sometimes the songs were released long ago or if it was not a particularly well-received song, it doesn’t have a lasting impression.

LYN: Like this song: 不求. Do you still remember it? // I’m trending on the main list at #20?  -- 不求 (Do Not Ask) [Single] LYN: This song is pretty old- maybe abound 2019?

LYN: Let me see what other songs there are… that I can’t remember. LYN: This one I can remember, because I heard it in a video edit the other day. This one’s popular lately: -- 当遇见你 (When I Met You) [Skate Into Love OST]

-- 一番星 (A Single Star) [Looking Up OST] -- 昨日少年 (The Youth of Yesterday) [Penguin Highway OST] (LYN: This one was pretty early on.) -- 隐侠 (Hidden Hero) [My Heroic Husband donghua OST (LYN: I quite like this one.) -- 生命之书 (Book of Life) [Glory of Special Forces OST] (LYN: I rarely play this on in my stream, but I do like it.) -- 爱了很久 (I’ve Been in Love for A Long Time) [Twilight OST] (LYN: This one is relatively recent.) -- 眷恋 (Nostalgia) [You Are My Hero OST] -- 本可以 (Could Have Been) [Rattan OST] -- 风衣 (Windbreaker) [Fireworks of My Heart OST] (LYN: This one, I actually really like. There was a stage I wanted to sing it on…) -- 天判 (Judgement of the Underworld) [A New Ghost Story (game) OST] (LYN: This one is old, isn’t it?) -- 愿重逢 (Wish to Reunite) [Choice Husband OST] [t/n: he didn’t actually let this one play.] -- 阳光, 海浪, 我和你 (Sunshine, Waves, Me and You) [Falling into You OST] -- 忠实观众 (Loyal Audience) [Listen-Ning EP] -- 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword) w/ Tan Jianci [20220611 Hello Saturday] -- 最浪漫的忘记 (The Most Romantic Forget) [Never Say Goodbye OST] (LYN: This one, I really have forgotten.)

LYN: Okay, that’s about enough. There are just so many songs that I liked when I was recording them but I haven’t sung them in so long, so it’s a bit of a shame. Later I’ll have to organize them and see which I can sing, then find a stage to properly showcase them. Otherwise they would have been released for nothing. It’d be a waste.

-----

LYN: I’ll chat with you a while longer before leaving. Since it’s 817 today, I just wanted to come celebrate with you, and enjoy a relaxing and beautiful night together. 

C: Get Daimi over so I can look at her. LYN: I can’t let her steal my limelight. I don’t want her to. - /calls her over anyway/ LYN: Say hello to all the uncles and aunties.

LYN: Look, she’s still sleep-dazed. She can’t even open her eyes. She was sleeping, how could you have me call her over?? Look at how sleepy she is. She doesn’t want to bother with you. - /pats Daimi/ LYN: It’s okay, I know.

C: It’s “brothers and sisters”! LYN: Nope- say hi to all the uncles and aunties.

LYN: Okay, you can go. Greet them again. /waves her paw/ She’s getting annoyed. LYN: Okay, bye bye. Go play. Go sleep. C: She just left? LYN: Yeah, she’s gone. LYN: ~ She’s gone. Without an ounce of hesitation. It seems like in this world, there is someone more important to her than me. ~

C: Like a gas tank. (round) LYN: No, she’s gotten thinner! These days I’ve been doing my best to limit the amount of sausages she gets. So she’s lost 2kgs. So it’s good- she looks a little less heavy. I think it’s a healthier state of being, for her. She’s definitely not thin, but just a little thinner.

C: She almost can’t run anymore. LYN: Yeah…

C: She needs to go on a diet, too? LYN: No- it’s just that for that period of time she was getting WAY too many sausages. She could eat 10+ in a day. That was honestly a bit remiss of me and totally not sustainable. Nowadays she only gets 5 or 6 a day? 6 or 7? X’D Estimated. It’s good enough.

-----

C: Ning-ge, do you have WeChat? LYN: No, I’m not on that platform. LYN: Also, people were asking me if I’m on other platforms… honestly the only one I’m on right now is weibo. That’s the truth. I’m mainly using weibo, and I’m not on any others.

C: Ning-ge, didn’t you play QQ Xuanwu? LYN: I was playing that, yes. I was good at it, too. I would practice every day.

C: Ning-ge, I didn’t have a signal so I climbed an electric pole to watch your stream. LYN: … LYN: So unsightly? Are you being serious or are you joking? If you’re joking, it’s not funny at all. You should be careful. Get down from there. Stop watching. Go home to watch. C: I’m on a mountain. LYN: That’s nice! When people used to ask me where I wanted to go for vacation, I would always say I wanted to go to a bustling city- Beijing or Shanghai. Because when I was little I really didn’t get out much. The farthest I’d gone was Shenyang- I’m from Dandong. But I was thinking if I ever got the chance to travel I would go to Beijing or Shanghai. Hangzhou, also. But now I really want to find nature. Somewhere where there’s not a lot of signal. I could have a tent or a wooden cabin and grill something over a fire. Like camping- somewhere with a nice view. I really want to go somewhere like that, now. C: Return to nature. LYN: I just want to find someplace where I can calm my heart/mind. Somewhere peaceful/tranquil. It’s just that these past few years- someone said earlier that they’ve spent six 817’s with me- I’ve just been constantly pushing myself forward. I get the feeling that I need to refuel. Even robots need to be maintenanced. LYN: ~ My body is not as good as previous years. Now I’d just like to find a place to peacefully spend my days. I hope you can leave me to return to the mountains and forests. ~

C: You SHOULD rest. LYN: I didn’t before because the more recent dramas were all scheduled pretty tightly close together. After Cicada Girls not a few days passed before I was in the next crew. After that once ended, I was in the next crew soon after. There wasn’t really a break between them. If I had even a month- I had about half a month but there was other work to do- but there was never any time to be still. It was hard enough even to find a whole day to play games or hang out for someplace. So after this drama wraps I’ll probably rest for… three or four years? XD LYN: For me, a day is like a year.

C: Ning-ge, I’m still waiting for a 60 year old you to tear off your shirt. LYN: Rest assured. When I hold my concert when I’m 60, I will definitely show you an old man tearing his shirt off. You just wait. I’ll perform it for you. When I’m sixty- I’ll wear a shirt so worn that it already has holes and so old that it’s yellowed. I’ll tear it off on stage. Why did I choose such a shirt? Because it’s sure to tear. At that time I’d be an old man and probably not have much strength so it needs to be ratty. So I’d wear my sweatpants and slippers and sing for you. -- /Rang Jiu (old man ver.)/ C: After you’ve described it, I don’t want to see it anymore. LYN: If you don’t want to see it then get out. Who cares if you don’t want to see it or not? Even if you don’t want to, there are still others that do. LYN: Think about it- I’ll be sixty. Many of my friends are older or maybe younger than me, but in general our age difference isn’t too big. When you’re 70 years old, or 50-60, what other forms of entertainment will you have?? I know because I’ve seen my mom- there’s mahjong. You’re either going to be playing mahjong or dancing in the square. At that age, for you to be able to go see an old man tear off his shirt - wouldn’t you call that entertainment? Let me tell you- 60 will be my year. I’m guessing it will be the peak of my career. I’ll be up on stage and the audience will be filled with 50-60 year old ladies, watching my concert. It’s going to be amazing.

LYN: Also- at that time you’d have a happy family with your children and grandchildren. You get a monthly retirement fund, and benefits insurance. There’s nothing else for you to do but be happy. You’d have full economic power. There would be no better time for you to buy tickets. LYN: Someone earlier said that they were a student-fan. In that case, you should study well. One day when you’ve graduated from college and have a successful career, at that time you can buy a concert ticket to come see me. Think about it- when all of you are 60-70, have a family and savings, it’s the best time for you. You’d have both time and money. That’s the best time. - C: 60 is the best age to make something of yourself. LYN: I wouldn’t go that far. - C: Ning-ge, is there a senior discount? LYN: No. But if you’re 50-60 and you don’t have the money to buy a concert ticket, you can go ask your children or grandchildren for it. Then, if they don’t give you the funds I will come to stream to back you up. I will continue to maintain streaming all that time, so that when you’re old and your children aren’t filial, I can come here to berate call them out. I’ll give them pressure until they treat you well. You think you’re a fan of LYN, but really you’re a fan of someone who- in case you’re old and your children aren’t filial- you’ll have a friend who will stand up for you.

C: Ning-ge, tickets for seats on the ceiling are fine for me. LYN: You can get them wherever you want- it all depends on your own circumstances. You can buy a ticket for whatever spot you want. As long as you go and have the experience, at least once.

LYN: I don’t know, though. Let’s talk again when I’m sixty. I don’t know what condition I’d be in. I know I always say that your body (health) is most important. To all the young people who are working hard right now- if you’re only in school, you have it a little easier- and for those who have difficult (labor-intensive) jobs: when have we ever paid attention to our own bodies? When have we stopped to consider whether what we’re eating is healthy or not? We haven’t. So I know I always say that health is most important, but it’s hard to put in practice. Still, we should try harder to make it important. Every time I go to the hospital, it’s terrifying. So please stay healthy, okay friends? Let’s all stay healthy so that we can make it to an old age. 

LYN: If you have not yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. When I have time I come to stream, but I am also shooting dramas and releasing songs. I am a singer and an actor. If you have the time, I hope you can please support my works. Thank you.

C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to tear your shirt during your concert, then how many rounds (shows) will you do it for? LYN: You must be sick. What sort of a question is that?? LYN: I’ll prepare 100 of them, so that I can tear them all on stage. Tear one, put one on, tear that one, put another one on, etc. The whole performance for the night is just me tearing shirts. Tearing 100 shirts by hand. What do you think?

C: Be healthy, be healthy! I’m going to sleep! LYN: It’s 11:30p and you’re saying that’s healthy?? Are you overseas and there’s a time difference? Why don’t you have a meal while you’re at it. They say if you’re full before you go to sleep, that’s healthy. So that there’s something in your stomach from which you can absorb nutrients while you sleep. Why don’t you try that? LYN: I heard something yesterday: A midnight snack is just breakfast a few hours ahead of time. So eat when you want. Eating a midnight snack is not a sin, you’re just eating your breakfast early. Early by six hours… we should be early for things. The early bird gets the worm, right? Whether in life or in work, we should work hard.

C: Ning-ge, I eat 5 meals a day. How would that be calculated? LYN: I don’t have the right to comment. I can only praise you for having a good home environment. It looks like you’re doing well for yourself, if you can have five meals a day. You must own a restaurant, right?? But it’s not like every time there’s a customer and you bring them their dishes, you join them for the meal, though??? // Your family DOES own a restaurant? Oh, then that’s another discussion. All I can say is 1. Eat if you want to and 2. I guess your family business is doing well. LYN: Honestly though, I think four or five meals is still okay. Because some people who work out have multiple meals a day, too. That’s what I’ve heard, at least. They’re exhausting a lot of energy, so they need to eat more to maintain it. I’m not sure how it all works. 

C: How many meals a day do you eat? LYN: Me? Maybe two or three? On average, two. I get up and eat a meal then eat another at night. Most of the time, it’s two. If I need to head out particularly early I’ll have a little breakfast, then a lunch, then a dinner. 

C: Ning-ge, I eat 8 meals a day. LYN: As long as you’re happy. I can’t stop you and I shouldn’t- LYN: There are  two words that come to mind but I am not shameless enough to say them out loud. [Animal feed?] What are you doing- what has happened to starve you so much that you need 8 meals a day?? That’s a bit much, isn’t it? - /some discussion about this/ - [t/n: I’m hearing “pixiu” and “taotie”, which are both mystical creatures, but I think the gist of it is: “Glutton”.] LYN: You’re taotie, you’re a qiling. That is- these mystical creatures that can eat a lot. You’re a… camel. XD LYN: I’m joking, I’m joking. Okay. That’s about enough.

LYN: Now there are people starting to curse at me. Looks like it’s getting a little chaotic in here. That’s okay. It doesn’t matter. LYN: If you’re sleepy, then get to sleep. Rest up. I will come to stream when I have the time.

LYN: I hope everyone had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Thank you for accompanying me, and I hope that you’re here for the next 817. Goodnight, everyone.

[bobathirstaccount]

Hard to Find Someone Like You

Boba x fem!reader, slow burn to smut, some romance, fair amount of plot, Post-Mando 2 Boba

You are a merc serving under Fennec at Fett’s Palace. It’s business as usual until a certain helmet starts tilting in your direction...

Translations - Mando’a

Cyar’ika - sweetheart/ darling

Riduur - spouse

Transalation - Twi’lek

keella - sweetheart

TW: unprotected sex

— 2 more chapters —

***

CHAPTER SEVEN

Getting used to your new position at the palace was an ongoing process. The more time you spent standing to Boba’s left, the more people bothered you, looking for favors. Some of the dancers even started to treat you differently. This made you upset; you talked it over with Ayy. “You can’t blame them. You’re a direct line to Boba Fett. And by far the least scary, between you and Fennec.” You considered that. “But I’m a merc in my own right!”

“Not nearly as infamous as Fennec Shand and Boba Fett. You’re the friendly, safe face of the Great Fett.” You glared at her. Dammit. “You can just start giving them ‘the eyes,’ like Fennec does.” You considered, and tried it on Ayy. She smiled, “Keep working on it, keella.” You huffed. “Aside from you pouting over your growing influence, how are things?” She leaned forward, licking her lips. “Girl talk me, keella.” You smiled. She was the only one you tolerated being questioned by. “Good. He... said he was fond of me.”

Ayy spit her drink all over you. You raised both eyebrows, ”Bitch.” She dabbed you with some napkins, “Well don’t do that to me. He’s ‘fond’ of you? I told you he had feelings for you. Can I be at your wedding?”

“Not funny.”

“Just saying... he is pussy whipped,” she pinched your cheeks. “Guess the tales of my escapades came in handy.” You blushed, “Honestly yes. Glad I was half paying attention.” She pinched you. “Well, I should get back to it.” She retreated back to her stage, leaving you with your thoughts.

***

“We’re leaving in 15 minutes, be on the Slave 1,” Fett had burst into the throne room and cornered you and Fennec off to the side. “Din is in trouble.” Fennec’s eyes lit up in recognition. So did yours; you remembered your conversation with the ruler of Mandalore. “I’ll be there.” Fennec dashed off to get ready. You looked up into Boba’s visor. “Is it bad?” He tilted his head towards you and said in a low voice, “Bo-Katan is making a move for power. We will be there to back him up.” You nodded, “I’ll get my supplies off Daesha.” Boba shook his head. “I’m leaving you here, in charge. You are my left hand; if Fennec is with me then you are on the throne.”

Your mouth hung open. Then your eyes narrowed, “Leave her here and take me. She’s better suited to take over for you in your absence.” He shook his head, “You have to learn, ad’ika. It will be fine.” You stared up at him in horror, letting it show plainly on your face. He laughed softly under his helmet, “We will be gone for less than a week. Nothing is scheduled to be going on. All you have to do is sit up there and represent me.” You gulped, “That’s what worries me.” He shrugged, “Your reputation will do more than you think. You are my number 2. No one will question you, as no one questions Fennec. And if they do,” he shifted his weight, “they will have to deal with me directly.” He seemed to grow in size. You smiled, but then became serious again.


He turned towards the throne, indicating you should follow him. He led you to the throne, and watched you step up and turn around. You sat down very slowly, disbelief flowing through you. Your ass touched the seat. You widened your stance a bit, trying to fill up the throne like Boba and Fennec. “Good,” Boba said, looking up at you. “I’m leaving now. You will rule in my stead,” he said this slightly more loudly so everyone in the room heard. With that he turned and left. You faced your court and swallowed.

***

One day turned into two. Three. There was no communication from Slave 1. This was expected; the only time you would hear something was if they were in trouble. But still you wanted to hear from Boba. You stayed in his suites in his absence, and occupied the throne room during the day. You settled some small disputes you thought were straight forward, hoping Boba would be proud of you. In the evenings you held a different type of court in the third floor club. More people started coming to the club because they knew that Fett’s Second would be there. The club was popping by the fourth night of Fett’s absence. You wondered what he’d think about it.

The dancers acted as a wall, and would pull off people who were trying to get to you. Ayy bossed them around for you. You were thankful.

On the sixth day, you received a transmission in the middle of the night. It was Fennec. Your heart sank a bit, but you pressed play.

“Y/N, there was treachery here. We’re on the run back to the Palace. Strengthen defenses immediately and wait for more instructions.”

You shot out of Fett’s suites in a panic, raising your head of security and several others. You carried out Fennec’s orders, and sat on the throne, anxiously waiting for word. Midmorning word came that Slave 1 had landed. You wanted to bound to the hanger, but knew your place. You sent Ayy instead.

Ayy returned shortly, “There’s a lot of people with Fett’s armor. They went to a conference room.” “Fett told me,” she gulped, “he actually spoke to me and told me to tell you to meet them at the conference room.” You jumped up at this, startling her. You ran out of the room without saying anything.

You caught your breath before you entered the conference room. No need to look like a fool. You stepped inside. Seven Mandalorians turned to face you, hands on their weapons.

“This is Y/N, “Fennec said, and they relaxed. She nodded at you, “Fett and Din are having a private meeting.” You nodded and took a relaxed stance. Warning klaxons went off. “Kriff, they’re here!” One of the Mandalorians yelled out.

“To the Daesha, Y/N!” Fennec yelled. Without a second thought you took off, racing towards your ship, the klaxons urging you on.

***

You slammed the take off sequence into Daesha, seeing the ships entering the atmosphere. You took off towards them, incensed. No one would come for Boba.

You were good in a dog fight, and you knew it. You prepared your weapons and increased your speed, intending to engage them as far away from the palace as possible.

Suddenly your comms came to life, “Daesha, wait for us.” It was Boba. Not a chance in hell, you thought. You engaged the enemy Mandalorians, guns blazing. Daesha took a few hits, but you knew she could take it. You targeted one of the ships and merilessly went after it. You quickly overtook it with Daesha’s speed. You targeted. It exploded just in time, Daesha flying through the debris. Your comms crackled to life again, something about pulling back. You turned them off.

You chased the larger ship that had come with the small group of invading ships. Firing at it, you took damage to one of Daesha’s engines. Black smoke trailed behind you. You grit your teeth; she would hold together. Suddenly Slave 1 filled your view screen. You had been cut off. Missiles flew and the invading ship exploded. Other ships from your side were now swarming the area, mopping up the remaining ships. Some fled, but most were destroyed. You started to chase one out of the atmosphere. “Daesha, return to the hanger,” someone was pinging you on the emergency channel. It sounded like Fennec. “I can get it,” you retorted, finally responding to someone.

“Fett says to turn around.” You snorted angrily, watching the ship grow larger in your view screen. There was no way it could outrun you. It was already dead. Frustrated, you pulled back and headed towards home.

***

You had gone to the throne room upon your return to find it empty. You then checked the conference room. There were some Mandalorians, but Fennec had just left for the throne room and Din and Boba were missing. You sighed and headed back to the throne room, where you met up with Fennec.


“He’s pissed at you,” she calmly stated, fixing your hair. You rolled your eyes.

“Daesha and I were fine.”

“I don’t think he saw it that way. In fact, most of us didn’t. You are too aggressive.”

You shrugged, annoyance growing in you.

“He wants you to meet him in his suites in a little while,” she drawled on. “In the meantime, catch me up to speed.”

***

You had caught Fennec up quickly, anxious to get to Boba’s rooms. You wanted to be there before him. Finally you were dismissed. You tried to casually jog to your destination, feeling vaguely idiotic.

He was already waiting, looking out a window. His back was to you. You ran up to him happily. When he didn’t turn around immediately, you stopped next to him, uncertain.

“You could have died today.”

“I was fine,” you shot back.

“I already have the report on Daesha. She barely held together.”

You shrugged, “I knew she would. She’s tough.”

Suddenly you were being shaken by two strong hands. “You could have died!” He roared. You were shocked; in all the time you had known him he had never raised his voice. In fact, when he became angry it usually got softer. You looked at him wide eyed. He gave you a nasty glare. “You are to stay behind the next time something like this happens.” You tried to object, but he squeezed your arms tightly. “Cyar’ika, you are forbidden.” You stared, stunned. “You can’t do that,” you quietly said. “I can, and I did,” he seethed, staring you down. You stared him down right back. “I’m not your pet! You can’t keep me locked up.”

He blinked, surprise showing on his face. His hands dropped. “Cyar’ika, I.. can’t have anything happen to you.” His eyes had changed, from sharp and dangerous to soft and pleading. You stared at each other. His eyes were soft and open. You reached up, putting your hands on either side of his face. You slowly reached up to kiss him. He allowed you, drawing you closer with two hands around your waist. You tried to deepen the kiss, both wondering if you could and just wanting to be devoured by him. Your tongue slipped past his lips and teeth to explore his mouth. He reciprocated, pulling you into a crushing kiss. You didn’t want to come up for air, but eventually you had to. He looked at you darkly. “You’re right, but I can’t reconcile that with my desire to protect you.”

You smiled, “Just let me fight with the boys.”

He dropped his gaze, “But you aren’t.”


“Yes I am. We just also fuck.” You smiled wryly at your snappy comment. He didn’t meet your gaze. Silence stretched. You began to realize you had said the wrong thing. You wrapped your arms around his neck. “I mean... you know what I mean...” He remained silent, looking out the window. “I just wanted to kill all of them, coming for you,” you whispered softly. His eyes flicked back to you, “Technically, they were coming for Din.” You snorted, “And his allies. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“Do you know what it did to me to see your ship taking damage?” He said quietly, hugging you to himself.

Your breath caught for a moment, “No.”

“I would go back to the Sarlacc before I let anything happen to you.”

Tears sprung to your eyes, surprising you. You sniffled. “Please don’t say that.”


“It’s true.” He put his forehead against yours and closed his eyes, “Let me take care of you.”

Your inhale caught in your lungs, “You do.”

”I mean really take care of you. I want you to be mine.”

“I am yours already,” you slid your hands around to hold his face. The two of you looked at each other. The air held something electrical in it. He drew you into a deep kiss. His hands started to move over your body. “You’re mine,” he breathed, coming up for air before kissing you again. You moaned softly; he was making you melt into a puddle of desire.

“I am yours, but I’m also my own person,” you whimpered into his mouth. He kissed you again. “You’re mine,” he reaffirmed. He was intoxicating. You didn’t argue anymore. He started to disrobe you, and you worked on his clothes frantically. The two of you fell into bed, a tangle of half-disrobed clothing and limbs. He lifted you up and tossed you into the center of the bed.

“Let me eat that pussy. Let me show you how much I missed you,” he said, pulling at your clothing. You smiled naughtily and finished pulling off your pants. He crawled up to you, an animalistic look on his face. You watched him, anticipating. He roughly spread your legs and grabbed one ass cheek with each hand. He licked from the back of your pussy all the way up to your clit, applying pressure. He rubbed his tongue back and forth on your clit. You threw your head back, moaning.

Two fingers slipped into your pussy as he continued to work your clit with his tongue. You started to see stars already, and grabbing his head you let out a loud, high pitched noise. He laughed into your pussy, and removed his fingers, replacing them with his tongue. He swirled it at your entrance and through your slick folds. You squirmed under him, and he held you still. “Baby I want you inside of me,” you panted. “Which part of me?” He slipped two fingers in and out of your pussy, and returned his tongue to your clit. You writhed, “Your cock. I want your cock.”


“Hmmm,” he considered, mmmming into your clit. You almost screamed. “How bad you want it though? I’m having fun tasting you.”

“Please, please I want your cock so badly. I missed you,” you looked down at him. “I missed your cock in my pussy, baby.” He looked up at you. “Well, if that’s the case.” He crawled up your body until you were making eye contact. He let his cock drag against the inside of your thigh. “Baby, please,” you said. He eyed you darkly, then kissed you softly, penetrating you simultaneously. You moaned into his mouth. He lightly bit your upper lip, then licked up your neck. You wrapped your legs around him, wanting all of him. He fucked you savagely, gripping you tightly. With each stroke he stretched you deliciously. You held on to him and moaned his name to him like a sacred chant. He panted into your ear, “You are all that matters to me, riduur.” You didn’t know what that meant, but took it as a term of endearment you would ask Ayy about later.

You ran your hands down his spine, crying out as you came, pussy clutching around him. “Mmmmm Boba,” you sighed. He gave a few more thrusts and came in you, cock spasming pleasantly. He stilled, then rolled off you. You snuggled into his side, sighing happily. He sighed deeply, and a silence fell over the room. Sleep overtook you

[daymansbingerecapsandrankings]

(Originally written on October 8, 2020)

🎵Bang, Bang Bangedy Bang

I said a Bang Bang Bangedy Bang🎵

My How I Met Your Mother Thoughts

I just spent the last nine seasons in New York with the gang that spends all their time in MacLaren’s Pub. SELF FIVE! I have to say, this binge of How I Met Your Mother brought me so much happiness. I started watching this show for the first time back in high school, and I ended up watching the last six seasons as they aired. I remember loving this group of characters, and now I am reminded why. There’s so much chemistry between the five, and it makes for one of my favorite Comedies/Sitcoms of all time. If you’ve read any of my previous Show Thoughts, then you know I’ve been watching several over the course of this lovely Pandemic That Will Just Keep Going. After this rewatch, I’ve decided HIMYM is my third favorite Comedy/Sitcom, right after Boy Meets World and Scrubs.

Now, I know that the Finale is infamous. It’s in the Mount Rushmore of Terrible Endings, and people end up getting a sour taste in their mouth when they bring up the show. Well, it’s been some years. There’s been time to reflect and look back. And, while I’m not in favor of the Finale, I also don’t hate it anymore with the passion of a thousand suns. I just loved watching and growing with the gang, seeing them experience their highs and their lows, their triumphs and their failures. It just hits harder as an adult, like most of these shows assuredly do, and I cherish so many of these episodes and moments.

And now, my rankings for the seasons!

Seasons Rankings

1. Season One

2. Season Four

3. Season Two

4. Season Six

5. Season Eight

6. Season Five

7. Season Three

8. Season Seven

9. Season Nine

My rankings for the girlfriends, purely on how much I like them as a character

The Girlfriends Rankings

1. Robin

2. Tracy

3. Victoria

4. Zoey

5. Stella

6. Jeannette

And now, a ranking of my favorite episodes. From 1-50, these are the ones that stand out above the rest. I consider every single one of these enjoyable.

Favorite Episodes

1. Slap Bet (S2E9)

2. Come On (S1E22)

3. The Limo (S1E11)

4. The Best Burger in New York (S4E2)

5. Ten Sessions (S3E13)

6. The Pineapple Incident (S1E10)

7. Bachelor Party (S2E19)

8. Game Night (S1E15)

9. Oh, Honey (S6E15)

10. Glitter (S6E9)

11. The Duel (S1E8)

12. The Pilot (S1E1)

13. Arriverdverci, Fierro (S2E17)

14. The Over-Correction (S8E10)

15. How Your Mother Met Me (S916)

16. Intervention (S4E4)

17. The Magician’s Code, Part II (S7E24)

18. The Autumn of Break-Ups (S8E5)

19. The Ducky Tie (S7E3)

20. The Best Man (S7E1)

21. The Leap (S4E24)

22. Blitzgiving (S6E10)

23. Three Days of Snow (S4E13)

24. The Scorpion & The Toad (S2E2)

25. Bass Player Wanted (S9E13)

26. The Final Page, Part 2 (S8E12)

27. Duel Citizenship (S5E5)

28. Happily Ever After (S4E6)

29. Farhampton (S8E1)

30. Bro Mitzvah (S8E22)

31. Robin 101 (S5E3)

32. The Magician’s Code, Part I (S7E23)

33. Last Words (S6E14)

34. The Playbook (S5E8)

35. The Time Travelers (S8E20)

36. Splitsville (S8E6)

37. Subway Wars (S6E4)

38. Showdown (S2E20)

39. Drumroll, Please (S1E13)

40. Front Porch (S4E17)

41. Twin Bed (S5E21)

42. Who Wants to be a Godparent? (S8E4)

43. Girls vs. Suits (S5E12)

44. Something Borrowed (S2E21)

45. As Fast As She Can (S4E23)

46. The Wedding Bride (S5E23)

47. The Bracket (S3E14)

48. The Sexless Innkeeper (S5E4)

49. Third Wheel (S3E3)

50. Spoiler Alert (S3E8)

And now, just some thoughts on the show and on the gang!

Ted - I know people don’t like Ted. I don’t actually like Ted all that much. And yet, I found myself rooting for Ted just like I did the first go around. He’s not the worst person in the world, and I would be scared to see half of the decisions we’ve made in the dating game stringed together into a TV show. I know people wouldn’t like me very much for those decisions. Then again, I also don’t get super crazy about details about buildings, I don’t pronounce encyclopedia that way, and he tends to stick his foot in his mouth with this White Man confidence that I just don’t have. With all that being said, I still find Ted being a great friend, a man who is just trying to find the love of his life, and someone who really drives this story with great tales and narration (Bob Saget is the Sixth Man of the Show for just always bringing it). I think Ted does stupid things and he pretty much admits it after the fact. He learns, sometimes, and also doesn’t much like most of us. When he finally found the Mother, when he finally found Tracy, I cared. I cared so much, and I still do. Even though they just shit on her character and don’t give us enough time with her, I almost wonder if that’s a metaphor for the fact that you won’t always have enough time with your loved ones.

Robin - Let’s go to the mall! Yeah! Robin Sparkles is a Canadian Treasure, and so is Robin Scherbatsky. She is one of the best things about this show, and I love her so. Played by Cobie Smulders who I need to see in more stuff, Robin is who we all wanted Ted to maybe be with first. Then we go through all the loops of the HIMYM roller coaster, and a lot of us still wanted them to be together. I was one of them. Yet, she was more than just a romantic plot line for Ted. She was a part of the group who we got to see join it and evolve into a member of their family organically. Robin is fun, loud, full of fun quirks that we get to learn over the course of the series. I was heartbroken when we found out she can’t have children. I was loving the back and forth between her and Barney (the first time), and kind of mad at Barney about being such a crazy ass prankster the second time. Robin shows us just how amazing some gun loving, hockey obsessed Canadian news anchor can be, and how much she cares for her friends.

Lily - Justice Aldrin ends up being one of my favorite characters, even if that gets some curious looks. Yeah, she left Marshall for a summer. Yeah, she had some hesitancy with the marriage and everything. That happens. Lily was also always there for her friends, even if she ends up going a little overboard. She wants Ted to find happiness, and does whatever she can to help. She is there to listen to Robin at all times, and her and Marshall are easily one of the best relationships in TV I’ve ever witnessed. Then we have Lily and Barney which is honestly super underrated. Barney trusts Lily, even though she can’t keep a secret, with all of his emotional problems. Lily is who thought Barney could change before anyone else, and I love seeing their friendship grow from eye rolls to eye tears.

Barney - Oh, Barney. He honestly brings so much annoyance and fun to the show. He’s the friend of the gang who everyone tolerates. He’s the one in the gang who everyone ends up loving just as much as everyone else. Barney shows such a terrible face to the world, sleeping with over 250 women and lying to most of them. He has all these rules that aren’t very ethical. He gives us most of the Misogynism in this show, which is definitely prevalent and makes the show not as strong as it was in the first watch. Still, we get to see Barney grow into someone who wants real love and a happy life. Sure, they show us that his marriage to Robin only lasts three years, but at least they tried. Barney just couldn’t make it work, and that’s honestly who Barney really is. A person who just enjoys sleeping with different people. I was very warmed to see the baby reveal and that Barney becoming a dad was what would change him more than anything. Barney is an underrated friend, and his importance to the gang is legendary.

Marshall - I. Love. Big Fudge. He’s just so fun, caring, goofy, loyal, and everything that I aspire to be in life. For some reason, when watching the show the first time, I related to Ted the most. I was definitely a bit more selfish then. But now, I see that I am a Marshall. He wants to do good in the world, and it drives him so much. He only loves Lily, and his loyalty to their relationship is just Goals. He is also the most fun to watch having a crisis. He gets the big eyes and covers his mouth and just gets obviously super uncomfortable. Some of my favorite moments of the show are also Marshall’s talks with Ted about his feelings for Robin. Any one-on-ones with Marshall and someone else are probably my favorite moments. And yes, I will always root for him over those damn machines!

Last Thoughts:

Sure, the writing wasn’t as sharp or as witty in the later seasons, but I loved the story lines and seeing the gang just live.

Tracy was an amazing character as The Mother, and I truly wonder what could have been if they had given us two full seasons of story with her instead of any episodes of Jeannette.

I really can’t believe Ted told his kids all those stories. A fun premise for a show, but really, not very realistic telling them all that jazz.

Ranjit and Carl are such fun recurring characters that I always enjoyed seeing every time they popped up.

Out of all the recurring jokes and gags, which there are many (y’all said Community has so many, but HIMYM really swings for it), I love the Major/General salute joke. Idk if I just didn’t care for it the first time around or forgot about it, but I just love how silly it is and how they kept it through to the very last episode.

Watching the gang sit at their table in MacLaren’s just hanging out will always make me smile.

[secondhand-trash]

Ben Hargreeves(UA)- Family

[Requested]

A/N: Hi, it’s me and I’m in love with Ben. Also, much thanks to the anon who sent in this request because this gave me the motivation that I very much so needed. I may or may not have elaborated on it a lil bit too much but I hope you like it! (Side note: I’m trying to write reader inserts as gender neutral as possible from now on because I feel like it would be more enjoyable for a larger variety of people^^)

Description: (in a miraculous world where Ben was alive)In which we learn about how one went from freinds to family in the span of years.

Word count: 1977

Playlist: 

Fallingforyou//The 1975

Mystery of Love//Sufjan Stevens

Only Us//OBC of Dear Evan Hansen

Still Into You//Paramore

Never in a million years did you think that you would ever come back to this god damn house.

Ever since you could remember, your parents always told you that there was something strange about the man who lived across the street. He adopted seven children out of no where (“Apparently those children were born on the same day to women who had no signs of pregnancy beforehand,” your mother scoffed, “as if that’s even possible.”) and tried to trained them into becoming this group of crime fighting superhumans (“That man is out of his mind,” your father exclaimed, “those are children!”). And so like the sensible parents they claimed to be, they warned you to stay away from ‘that Hargreeves man’ and his ‘Umbrella Academy’. 

And naturally, like any child would, you did the exact opposite of what they told you to. 

It was not on purpose, you never intented to wander near the Hargreeves’ house one day when you went home from school (despite the fact that you might be able to get home a lot earlier if you hadn’t, but as we said before, it was unintentional), you did not plan to talk to one of the kids that lived there (Number six, as you heard his father called him, very odd way to call your child but you guessed that it must have meant that he was the sixth oldest among the seven of them) and you most certainly did not return every day after that just to talk to the boy again (it was simply out of chances that he was there the moment you walked by, at least that’ s what you told them when your parents question you at the table).

As days passed and your small conversations got longer each time, you learned that he indeed has a name (”It’s Ben, actually.” he said when you asked him, fidgeting with his hands as he speak) and the numbers were not actually an indication to the their order of birth. 

You two got closer as days past and he started to tell you more about the Academy. He told you all about his family, about the missions they went on. Curiously, you asked ”So you guys all have powers, right?” 

Ben nodded softly and you said, “can you show me yours?” 

He did not say anything, lowering his head and looked away from you instead. “You don’t want to see it,” he said after staying silence for a while, “it’ll scare you away.” 

You did not question him any further and neither one of you said anything else that day. Sitting next to him in silence, you secretly decided that you would not allow yourself to ever be afraid of Ben, no matter what his power was. It was years later when he finally dared to show you what he was capable of doing and you kept the promise you made to yourself. Upon seeing how nervous he was to see your reaction, you pulled him into a tight hug and reassured him that it did not affect how you feel about him, you had no idea how much he appreciated it.

Days soon became years and the children who talked in front of the doorsteps everyday slowly grew up. You didn’t think anything would change at first, Ben was still your best friend and you two still talked about everything. But then you started to notice that something did change. You found yourself grinning like an idiot at everything he said and you noticed small details that you never paid attention to, like the way he hums whenever he thinks that no one could hear him. It soon came to a point when you realised that you may or may not have fallen head over heels for your best friend. Admitting that to yourself, you soon noticed the many subtle signs that he may or may not have loved you back.

You distinctly remembered the first time he held your hand. It was a cozy autumn afternoon and you were watching the leaves fell in the garden with Ben. You were in your own word when you felt Ben gingerly putting his hand on yours. You looked up at him and smiled. With flushed cheeks, he looked away while gently grabbing your hand in his. You couldn’t help but chuckle and softly pulled your hand out. Ben reluctantly turned his head back at you, a flash of hurt in his eyes. However, his frown soon lifted and turned into a sheepish grin as you fully intertwined your hand with his.

There was no doubt that you went from friends to lovers at that very moment and it was like that’s how things were ought to be. Ben sneaked out at night to be with you whenever he could and you made sure that you always had your windows opened for him. You two didn’t get to do much stuff that couples usually do on dates but it was enough for you just being with him, talking about everything and anything in your room until daybreak.

Despite your best attempt to keep it a secret, it didn’t take long for his siblings to discover that you two got together. You were just about to leave the Academy after being with Ben during the 30 minutes of free time he had each week (a ridiculously short period of time, you would say). 

“I’ll try to see if I can come over tonight, ok?”Ben said, holding your hand. 

“Ok.” You smiled and leaned in to give him a soft peck. Clearly not satisfied, Ben pulled you towards him and kissed you much more firmly on the lips. You chuckled at his rare initiation for affection and kissed him back when the moment was ruined by a loud bang on the door. 

“Hey Ben, do you hav.. Ohmygodimsosorry!” You snapped your head to the door just in time to see Klaus running down the corridor in such a frantic manner that you couldn’t help but laugh. 

Ben whispered in embarrassment, “I hope he won’t tell anyone about..”

“GUYS!!!!! BEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!” 

“Never mind.”

Although his siblings teased you relentlessly (it was all in good fun, a bit annoying to have six people doing that though) and you could sense the obvious disapproval from Reginald Hargreeves (at this point, you refused to acknowledge him as their father because despite fulfilling his duty as a caregiver, no father would ever treat his child the way he did), your relationship was strong even when you became adults. 

You did not hesitate even for a little bit when he took out a ring from his shirt pocket and asked you to marry him. The wedding was small and only attended by close family and friends. Your parents were skeptical of Ben at first(and quite shocked that you had been going against their orders for so long without them noticing) but soon came to accept it when they saw how happy you were with him. Reginald, on the other hand, did not even show up at the wedding. It upset Ben greatly, that he had done whatever his father asked of him yet still not earning his approval. That was the moment he decided that it might be time to move on and stop circling his life around his father’s wishes.

You two were 20 by the time you got married. Moving into your own place right away, life got rough and paying the bills could be a struggle sometimes but it was all worth it to be by each other’s side. His siblings would call every once in a while(mostly Klaus and Vanya, occasionally Allison would come by as well) and you would sometimes passed by the old building when you visit your parents at your childhood home but you never step back into the Academy.

It wasn’t until Reginald Hargreeves’s death that you finally returned to where everything started.

Sitting in the grand living room, you held Ben’s hand firmly as an attempt to comfort him. Reginald’s death hit him hard and the awkward silence with all of his siblings did not help easing his nerves at all. 

“I guess we should get this started,” Luther finally broke the silence as he stood up. He went on to talked about a ceremony and the others chimed in about some minor details. You tried to focus on what Luther had to say but you looked at Ben and could tell that he was clearly not listening. You gently squeezed his hand to which he gave you a weak smile and patted the back of your hand to assure you that he’s ok.

“Listen up,” Luther said and you turned your attention back to him, “we still have some important things that we’ve to discuss.” He then turned to look at you, think in silence for a while and said, “I think it might be best that only family will hear about what we’ll be saying next.” 

You stared back at him in disbelief, even a little bit hurt upon getting the hint that you were still an outsider despite being married to his brother for years. 

Klaus was not having none of it, “I mean technically in-laws are still part of the family, right? And let’s not act like (y/n) haven’t been around for ages now.” 

Ben was already in a bad mood and it only got worse upon hearing what Luther just said, “Even dad felt sick when he saw my powers and (y/n) didn’t even do so little as flinch, I saw them as family way before the idea of marriage even crossed my mind.” Ben said, trying his best to contain his annoyance. “I understand that you are concerned but I’m not having this conversation if you’re excluding the one person who have been by my side throughout all these years.” 

Ben’s anger shocked you, he was always so soft spoken and reserved that you didn’t expect him to lash out on his brother(one that he looked up to for so long). Needless to say, his siblings definitely did not expect him to react so strongly and the conversation went dead. 

“I think (y/n) should stay.” Allison said, nodding towards you slightly. Diego didn’t say a word yet he made no move to oppose it either and Vanya bumble something about not leaving anyone out. 

Luther remained silent. Letting out a defeated sigh, "Ok, fine.”

Later that night, you were alone with Ben in his old bedroom. You were unpacking your stuff on his bed when you felt a wave of nostalgia and you couldn’t help but smile when you thought of how far you two had come. 

“Remember when Klaus caught us kissing right here?” You turned to Ben, relieved to see him smile when you brought up the incident.

 “How could I not,” Ben said and sat down next to you, “they didn’t stop talking about it for weeks.” You two just sat together like that for a while and it reminded you of all those times when you were a kid. 

“Earlier back there,” you cupped his cheek as you said, “you didn’t have to defend me like that, it’s fine.” 

Ben leaned into your touch and reached up to hold your hand, “But you are family to me, I won’t let anyone doubt that.”

You stared into his eyes and was warmed by how determented he was. You leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Pulling back, you chuckled at how he still blushes even after being together for years. Despite growing up, you could still see that young boy you fell in love with in the man in front of you. If only you knew that you would find a family in the boy who lived across the street many many years ago when you were just a young child looking for a friend.

[aproblematicpanda]

Harry Potter? For the in-depth fandom ask

Hi thank you! ♥ I will use the books for my answers, since I didn’t really like most of the movies. I apologize if I mix up some of the characters, I’ve only read the books in my native language so I will have to google for some of the names in English. :’D

Top 5 favorite characters: Minerva McGonagall, Luna Lovegood, Fred & George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley. Other characters you like: The golden trio obviously, Molly, Dobby, Draco Malfoy, ... There are not a lot of characters I dislike. Least favourite characters: Umbridge, for obvious reasons. Otps: Hermione and Ron. Notps: I don’t think I have any? I’m not very invested in shipping when it comes to the HP fandom, I pretty much keep an open mind to everything? Except incest but I’ve never seen anyone ship anything like that, so. Favourite friendships: Harry, Ron and Hermione, obviously, and I also really liked Fren, George and Lee, and Lavender and Parvati. Favourite family: The Weasleys Favourite episodes: / Favourite book:  Prisoner of Azkaban is probably my favorite book. Favourite quotes:  "If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." "But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." "Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, 'It unscrews the other way.’" "There is no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor." And probably more. The books have so many amazing scenes, funny, inspirational, sad, hopeful, ... It was really hard to pick just a few. Best musical moment: / Moment that made you fangirl the hardest: Ehh... I mean, obviously I was rooting for Harry and the ending was a satisfying one, just like every other time Harry beat Voldemort, but the moment that made me fangirl the hardest would probably be Hermione punching Draco in the face. xD When it really disappointed you: The only truly disappointing thing about the book is how House-Elves are treated. Other than that, the only time I’m disappoint is literally every time JK Rowling decides it’s a good idea to open her mouth. Saddest moment: The moment Harry breaks down in Dumbledore’s chambers after Sirius dies gives me chills every. damn. time I reread the book. Most well done character death: Oh god, this is so hard because most of the deaths really hit me hard Favourite guest star: / Favourite cast member: / Character you wish was still alive: Honestly? Probably Hedwig. Maybe Fred. One thing you hope really happens: That JK Rowling’s Twitter account is banned so she doesn’t have a damn platform anymore. Most shocking twist:  When did you start reading: I think the first three books were already out when I started to read them. My classmates kept telling me to do it and I was in that annoying phase where I refused to dive into anything that was this massively popular - but I’m glad I eventually caved because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have grown up in this fandom and that means I would’ve had an entirely different experience. Now I can still say I grew up with the books and I’m glad I did. Best animal/creature: I’m a gigantic sucker for unicorns and I’m not sorry about it. xD Favourite location: I mean, Hogwarts is amazing, the descriptions of the castle never get old. Trope you wish they would stop using: Ehh... I honestly don’t know? One thing this book does better than others: I love how this show has such an inspired, dedicated, creative fanbase. The amount of HP related art, fanfiction, headcanons, ... out there is mindblowing. I’ve never quite seen that happen in any other fandom and it’s part of why I love this one as much as I do. Like how people can take a character that’s mentioned maybe a couple of times in the books and they create so much content for them to the point where I’ve actively had to stop myself from writing an answer to this questions because the answer isn’t canon, that’s admirable. Funniest moments: Fred and George wrecking havoc on Umbridge and finally leaving the castle after they get caught is without a doubt the funniest scene I can think of. Couple you would like to see: Like I said, I was never really into shipping anyone with anyone. I enjoy quite a lot of fanon ships I see on Tumblr, though. Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: / Favourite outfit: Every outfit I can think of is influenced by the movies so I don’t really have an answer to this. I would’ve loved to see Hermione’s dress to the Yule Ball, though, and the Patil sisters’. Oh, and Fleur’s wedding dress. Favourite item: The Marauder’s map. Do you own anything related to this show: No. What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in: I’m a Slytherin. Most boring plotline: I can’t think of anything. The passage that bores me the most is the one where the Minister of Magic meets the Muggle Prime Minister but that’s not a plotline. I guess everything is just so well thought of, everything that’s in the books in there for a reason and I wouldn’t cut anything out of it. Most laughably bad moment: As much as I dislike JK Rowling, she wrote seven brilliant books. I can’t think of a bad moment. There are plot holes, sure, and things that really fucking bug me, but no laughably bad moments. At least, not any that I can think of right now. The fact that she gave Cho Chang two last names as a name is a bad moment, though - but it’s not laughably. It’s just more proof that JK Rowling is a terrible person. Best flashback/flashfoward if any: The memories Snape shows to Harry, and the ones they both get to see of each other during their Occlumency lessons. Most layered character: I love the character development Ron goes through. Most one dimensional character: Ehh. There were a lot of important characters so it makes sense that not all of them got the layers they deserved. Right now nobody who’s relevant to the plot comes to mind as an answer? Scariest moment: Well, when Harry and Dumbledore came back from finding the fake Horcrux, that had me scared. Not for their lives (because it was obvious that Harry would live and Dumbledore would die) but because it felt like all of Dumbledore’s plans would be ruined so that’d probably be the scariest moment for me? Grossest moment: Ehh... I would probably throw up if I had witnessed Nagini sliding out of Bathilda’s dead body so I’m gonna go with that one, that must’ve been horrifying for Harry, especially because he spares Hermione the details. Best looking male: Well the books name Cedric Diggory as the most attractive one, so... Let’s go with that one then?  Best looking female: Fleur and Ginny Who you’re crushing on (if any): I would probably be all over Ginny if I had gone to Hogwarts. Favourite cast moment: / Favourite transportation: A Thestral! Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): I really love the descriptions of Hogwarts. Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: Oh god, so. many. Off the top of my head, here we go. 1. The carriages that bring the students back to the train station are mentioned specifically at the end of the fourth book and yet Harry can’t see the Thestrals until the beginning of the fifth book. 2. In what world are the Weasleys poor? Hermione specifically mentions in the seventh book that you can increase the quantity of food and Harry gets more wine for Slughorn and Hagrid with a spell in the sixth book, so no wizard or witch would have to spend any money on food, ever. And like with clothes and books and everything, why buy multiple ones? Just buy one and then duplicate it like when Hermione did it with the medallion? 3. Harry randomly remembering the phone number to get into the Ministry of Magic after almost an entire year, having heard them once: please. I started rereading the fifth book like two months ago for the gazillionth time and I already don’t remember them anymore. 4. Supposedly there’s a curse on the position as the DADA professor ever since Voldemort asked for the job, so there’s a new teacher every year, but Professor Quirrel is introduced in a way that makes it seem as if he has been teaching there for quite a while and other students (like Fred and George) treat him as such - seems to me like the curse was only activated with Harry coming to Hogwarts but that’s not what’s canon. 5. Voldemort conveniently waiting for the end of the school year each year to make his move. 6. The school year somehow always starts on a Monday and the Hogwarts express always leaves on September 1 which would mean that September 1 was a Sunday for seven years in a row. 7. Why, WHY, would they use feathers and parchment? What the hell is wrong with pen and paper? Or things like torches, when electricity has been a thing since forever? And the same goes for using owls to send letters, or the memos that are used in the Ministry of Magic: just text or e-mail, dudes. One sloppy ‘this doesn’t work here because there’s too much magic in the air’ just doesn’t cut it for me, especially because Harry does wear a watch, for instance. I probably have more but this is all I can come up with right now. xD Best promo: My childhood best friend bugging me about the books until I finally caved and started to read them. xD At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: Literally the first chapter.

Send me a show/fandom and I’ll answer

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Pets/Animals

Pets and Animals list. Includes cats/kittens, dogs/puppies, and other animals.

Did @kkhymmmm inspire me to make this list? Absolutely. Just look at all the cat art: Cats1, cats2, and cats3. Also this one by @art-vandeley And this one incorporating birds by @leoniejulie And this one of Galileo the fish from TMTTS by @mfrov95

Fics are under a read more:

********** CATS/KITTENS **********

Kitten Stories by cami_soul - (WIP) Inspired by Kim's art

SKAM + kittens by hippopotamus (Series, 10 fics)

Cat Got Your Secret? by smilexdarling (567 words) - A simple afternoon of cuddling is interrupted by the appearance of a strange cat. 

To the Moon and Back by flowerbedofsouls (Series, 2 fics) - Isak knows Even is up to something as soon as he hears the door close. As it turns out, Isak likes that 'something'. 

Feline Approval by givemepizza (732 words) - Isak only wants to go out on a date....as long as his cats let him. 

for remembrance by orphan_account (905 words) - there's someone new (and fluffy) in the kollektiv but she still needs a name 

Box of Kittens by bashfulisak (1.1k words) - Isak hides away a box of kittens and wants to tell Even but that's not exactly how it goes. 

Bewitched by i_once_wrote_a_dream (1.4k words) - witch Even. “Isak, I’m Thor.” Isak wants to laugh. It’s laughable. 

BELLA by LiliMane (1.4k words) - "I don’t think you’re a kitten expert, Even, so you shouldn’t be running your mouth in regards to kitten issues with such confidence." 

Bigsby the Matchmaking Cat by smilexdarling (1.6k words) - Even owes his future love life with a grumpy kitten-man to a grumpy actual-cat. 

And With Arrows Through Everything by drvology (1.8k words) - The small things Even alone finds, but both know to treasure. 

Isak, Even, and little Cleo by justwhatever (Series, 2 fics) - Even hasn't been doing so well recently, and Isak thinks he knows what could cheer him up. 

Sweet Potato & Grumpy Cat by mazarin01 (1.9k words) - Isak and Even adopts two cats from an animal shelter and struggles with giving the two male cats names. 

My Blue Heaven by dahlstrom (2.2k words) - The one where they adopt a stray kitten together, and the shenanigans that ensue. 

The Sixth Roommate by NovemberRose (2.4k words) - Eskild brings home a kitten and compares it to Isak several times. 

Catnapping My Heart by Skamzombie (2.9k words) - Isak has just moved into a new apartment with his cute cat and everything is swell until a hot blue eyed neighbour comes knocking on his door threatening to tell their landlord about the cat he's NOT meant to have...which leads to both of them coming to an agreement. 

Radiance of the Sun by wyoheartsmusic (3k words) - Isak thinks he's losing his mind and Sana has a secret. Halloween. supernatural cat 

the world is ours by ihatefindingusernames (3.6k words) - As Isak stood there, staring at the most beautiful man he had ever seen, he couldn’t help but smile. This stunning man was his soon to-be husband. Isak just smiled and watched. 

Life by drvology (5k words) - Five Even & Isak vignettes. Anytime during or after S4. With Carda the cat.

new beginnings by skamz (5k words) -  DELETED 

close encounters of the feline kind by anathema (azirapha1e) (5.7k words) - In some universes, love blossoms in swimming pools. In others, there are kittens involved. 

with the taste of a poison paradise by chasingflower (6.1k words) - Coraline au

Spontaneous Acts by XO (SleepingWave) (6.1k words) - Maybe Even's impulsiveness was a good thing. 

Norwegian Wood by Tuii (6.3k words) - They do still touch, kiss, hold each other. But it is different, there’s something missing. The drive, lust, want, need. It is alive, the lust and want, but because it’s been so long since they actually had sex, it feels hidden. 

Kattehookern by Allregretto (7.5k words) - Losing track of your roommate's cat really sucks, but at least Isak has his hot neighbor to help him out. 

if you must live, darling one, just live by grinsekaetzchen (7.9k words) - Warning for animal death at the beginning. Features an adorable cat halfway through. Post apocalypse au 

you're the glitter in the dark by piccadilly (10k words) - Isak is a witch and has a cat. five times Isak almost revealed his magic, and the one time Even revealed his. 

my love is a lighthouse fire by panshambles (30k words) - Isak is a lighthouse keeper and Even runs his boat aground one stormy night. Features a cat  - DELETED 

four movements on a first wedding by chevythunder  (47k words) - Isak gets a cat at some point. Isak's spent years keeping his distance to Even, worried that any kind of closeness could trigger feelings he won't be able to suppress. Waking up married to Even after a blurry night in Las Vegas throws a slight wrench in those plans. 

Tumblr Prompts by Tuii - (WIP) One shots of cats and dogs

********** DOGS/PUPPIES **********

what think you of falling in love? by withoutwords (605 words) - “You got a dog,” Sana says unnecessarily, blinking at the hairy thing curled up on their couch. 

The One With The Waggly Tail by tiptopevak (767 words) - doggy daycare. He's smiling at the dog, but, okay, maybe a little bit at Isak, too. 

Puppy Love by janesargnt (993 words) - pet shop. Even though Even may not have left with an actual dog, he left with Isak Valtersen's number, which was arguably even better. 

Puppy Love by BluebeardsWife (1.1k words) - Isak comes home to find Even has adopted a puppy. 

Meds by Tuii (1.2k words) - They have a dog. He has this bad habit of putting all the pills on this hand at once, and then pouring all of them into his mouth. There is something about the amount of pills on his hand. He needs to see them there, all together, he needs to see how many he has to take every night. 

Show me your true colors by NikiNixie (1.5k words) - Even always wondered what it would be like to meet his soulmate. And he was very excited to find out, why he had his handprints on his chest. Yes, those were hands of a man. But he never expected to meet him on the verge of death. 

and they called it puppy love. by milominderbinder (1.6k words) - Even comes home from work one day, and Isak has a bit of an early birthday surprise for him. A surprise that didn't go exactly to plan. 

feelings that i adore by thekardemomme (2.9k words) - Isak loves Even’s dog, and Even loves Isak. Turns out it’s more mutual than they think. 

It’s easy come, never go by LostInAdmiration (3.7k words) - Being a parent was terrifying. It was exhausting and stressful and Isak hadn’t slept properly in weeks. Isak relayed all of this to Jonas during their weekly meet up. Jonas snorted and rolled his eyes as Isak complained. “He’s a dog, Isak, not a baby.” 

It is love we must hold onto by askynote (5.9k words) - Five times Isak went to Even's home, and one time Even went to his. Even has a dog 

Dog Watching by folerdetdufoler (13k words) - Even is a dog-walker and Isak is a university student and that's how/when they meet. Jonas, as always, is a very good friend. 

from an earth to its sun by traumatic (18k words) - the entire world goes to bed normally and wakes up with glowing countdowns above their heads. No one's sure what causes the numbers to drop, only that when they hit 0, you hit the ground. 

Let go when you give it by unsungyellowraincoat (23k words) - Isak is a tired biology student who has no time for love, he barely manages to take care of himself. Until two small dogs and a tall handsome stranger change all of that. 

Scene Three, Take Two by folerdetdufoler (31k words) - Isak is 23, a student in the veterinary program at NMBU, and working an internship at a clinic in Kongsvinger. He hasn't seen Even in three years, but randomly bumps into him on the street when he's visiting his mom in Oslo. 

Rule of Seven by folerdetdufoler (164k words) - Isak works at a museum, curating art to educate and entertain the people of his capital city. Even works at a video game company, collaborating with a group of specialized artists to design the worlds and characters that people can get lost in. In the third room of the linear layout of the gallery, Isak notices Even. In the third room of the linear layout of the gallery, Even notices Isak. Isak's dog is the best. 

Leopard on my shoulder by Tuii - (WIP) He sees the boy again. The boy. The boy he has been seeing around for months now. The boy that he has been dreaming of and drawing in his sketchbook page after page, different kind of facial expressions. Even has a dog. 

Tumblr Prompts by Tuii - (WIP) One shots of cats and dogs

********** OTHERS **********

My rose-colored boy by nveld (1.4k words) - moth. Isak is terrified of moths and makes his roommate (and crush) Even catch one hiding in his room, but not before they both make a confession. 

I Ducking Love You by wyoheartsmusic (1.5k words) - duck. Even has a disagreement with a duck and Isak and Even fall in love along the way. 

The Fish Incident by Lisa94 (1.7k words) - fish. "AU where even accidentally kills isak's fish and buys a new one hoping isak won't notice" 

something lonesome, something so wholesome by hippopotamus (3.2k words) - soulmate tattoos that are animals. an au where there's a tattoo on your skin that can move around, and when you find your soulmate it can move onto them too. 

the adventures of stanley the matchmaking parrot by hippopotamus (4.3k words) - parrot. pet shop. In which Even and Isak are ridiculously obvious, and Jonas’ wingman skills are second only to a parrot’s. 

and we rule the kingdom inside my room by GayaIsANerd (4.3k words) - spiders. Isak just wants to save spiders from being killed, and Even ends up having to save him... multiple times 

The Mouse Hunters by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames) (Series, 3 fics) - mice. He needs this Anticimex dude to turn up and fix everything that is wrong with his life right now, and then he will rest. Sleep for days. 

look up to the skies and see by traumatic (6k words) - deer. on the run from his past, Even moves to a place no one would think to look for him—a small town in New Jersey with a dark and magical past. 

you pretend you didn't see me cry by dewdrops (6.5k words) - insects and spiders. Isak struggles with a certain phobia or two. Even tries to help.

Cuddle Monsters by sikily (8k words) - featuring a mythical animal like the Raiju that are Japanese mythological creatures 

Losing strides for you by Thatoneweirdevakshipper (13k words) - Horses. “Hella, need anything?” The guy said, hooking his horse into the cross ties. “Sorry, never seen you around. Isak.” He said, holding out his hand. “Even,” The guy said, shaking Isaks hand. 

If the wind breathes by unsungyellowraincoat (18k words) - bees. Death of a former classmate brings Even back to his hometown where he meets a young beekeeper named Isak. 

and this mist, it makes it hard to see by vesperthine (36k words) - horses. In a way, it was escapism. In others, not so much. But Even has only been there for three months when Isak shows up. And it makes a mess out of everything, while other things settle into place. 

Signal by Laika_the_husband (43k words) - chickens. Even, one of the most active people on murdersweb.no, has been working on the Valtersen case for years. Now he has finally made a breakthrough. He's found Valtersen's hideout. He packed up his camera gear and headed out to get an interview that no TV channel would refuse. His road to the industry has finally been paved. He had not expected to find himself stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no phone signal, at the mercy of his target. He also had not expected to find himself fall for him. 

Don't look at me by Julieseven (66k words) - not exactly animals but it features people's souls walk beside them in form of animals, called daemons

[hetmusic]

A conversation with Strong Asian Mothers

Strong Asian Mothers are a London trio consisting of Kalim Patel, Josh Stadlen and Amer Chadha-Patel and over the past year, their music has been blowing up online, thanks to a mixture of pure energy, creative madness and numerous genres influences. Of course, the HumanHuman community had a head start thanks to The Undscvrd who unearthed this alternative project two years ago following a support slot for past successful discovery Jungle.

The band recently released their debut EP, Lynx Africa, which includes singles “Out Of Love” and “The More That I”, plus newer cut “Stay Down” and “Megabucket” that was resurrected from a previous project. If you like music to move to, then you’re really going to like Strong Asian Mothers.

Would you like to introduce yourself and what you do in the band?

Kalim: I’m Kalim Patel. I sing, I play keyboards and I shake a bit of tambourine.

Josh: I’m Josh and I play drums and that’s about it really! We all produce and songwrite in equal thirds as well, so I’m also a producer and writer.

Amer: I’m Amer, I also play keys and tambourine. I also play samples on the SPD and a cymbal.

K: A single cymbal.

A: Singular! I dance and sing for parts of the songs as well when I’m not playing anything.

Let’s talk about your band name, which is rather brilliant in itself and rememberable to say the least. Tell me, what’s the origin story behind it?

A: So, Khushi [Kalim] and I grew up together and both of our mothers and a lot of our friends’ mothers were part of a group of young, gunslinging, Asian women in London, either divorced or single or slightly left-field of the norm in the 80s and 90s.

J: Independent women.

A: Independent women, yeah! We grew up in a group of wild, free-thinking children with wild, free-thinking Asian mothers. It was a solid matriarchy. When we formed the band we decided to honour that by naming it after them.

K: It was his girlfriend who came up with the name.

A: My Suki came up with it, yeah.

K: From the first moment I heard it, I was like “yep!”

It’s good that she’s finally being credited!

K: She’s been credited in every interview!

A: And they cut it out every time.

That’s about how you two met, but how about all three of you?

J: Kalim and I went to sixth form together. We used to play in a rock band, and we were doing that for about seven years before we cottoned on to the fact that it wasn’t going anywhere. We stuck with it for quite a while, but yeah, when these guys started up Strong Asian Mothers, I wanted in! When we were in our old rock band The Mercers, there was one summer where we were going to do this hip-hop project. We planned to write four or five hip-hop tunes and then - rap! It was going to be a joke, like a parody, but then…

K: That’s how some of the best things begin, as a parody.

A: That’s how this band began, as a parody, we’re not a real band!

J: So then I did a remix of “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen, played it to Kush and Amer and they were like, let’s play this in Strong Asian Mothers. Then they asked me to play for them, and that was that!

I can imagine working as a trio involves plenty of compromise, but have there ever been any clashes over what you wanted the band to sound like?

A: [Laughs] every day!

K: That’s part of what makes us who we are, it’s the collaboration.

Yeah, and you said that you each take a third of everything.

J: Well, not always. We don’t always try to make sure that everyone has an equal third in every single song. We all write equally and for any song that is mainly from one of us, there will be another that is mainly from someone else. It all evens out. Yeah, there are clashes, but it’s healthy clashes.

A: I think we made a commitment to be part of a project where everyone is equally represented, so whether someone is a songwriter or someone is a frontman, it’s all irrelevant because every single thing that comes out of this project represents all three of us. It becomes a question of signing everything off as a trio, so even if Kushi writes a whole song, whether we’ve had any influence, we then decide if it’s something that actually represents us in a way that we want it to. I think that makes it better, because we only bring stuff to the table that we feel is appropriate. That comes from knowing these people for like fifteen years and more!

“I think we made a commitment to be part of a project where everyone is equally represented, so whether someone is a songwriter or someone is a frontman, it’s all irrelevant because every single thing that comes out of this project represents all three of us.”— Amer from Strong Asian Mothers

I guess that collaboration is why people might struggle to pin down a genre, because there’s so many different influences.

A: Yeah, definitely! But we love that.

K: Definitely, definitely.

J: All three of us have our own passions, especially music that we’ve grown up with and love. Amer in particular has the most ridiculously vast taste, like metal, which Khush and I don’t really like, but Amer loves it! Whereas I grew up listening to jazz, so I have this perverse jazz side of me that occasionally rears its head. Khush likes Top 40 pop music.

K: Yeah, I like the Now That’s What I Call music hits. Number 24, 97… you know all the legends like Britney, Christina Aguilera, Boyzone.

A: [Constant laughing] yeah, yeah, we’ve all got pretty eclectic tastes.

J: Amer definitely has the most eclectic.

A: It’s not a skill, it’s a flaw. This is not a competition!

What do you guys think about the music industry’s need to label and categorise everything?

K: It’s think it’s sick, man! I love that shit. Actually we did get a good genre description the other day.

A: From The Most Radicalist.

K: Hip-hop alt-pop. It rhymes as well! I think that’s the only genre I’ve ever heard that I’ve been satisfied with.

A: Yeah, we’ve been described before as alternative pop or chill electro...

I think it’s quite far from chill!

A: It’s very far from chill electro! On that subject, I think it’s kind of sad that everything has to be pigeon-holed, but everyone sees that for what it is.

J: I think it’s fine, because ultimately people are listening to the music and the genre that you’re labelled with becomes immediately irrelevant.

A: We usually just make up a new genre for every song.

K: We once told a group of people we met that we played “armchair stack”, which was just a phrase that we had invented. They were like, “we love armchair stack!”

A: Why did we invent that...? Oh yeah, we had loads of amps on an armchair once, so we made up armchair stack.

K: From that day on we lost faith in human nature.

A: What would you call us if you had to describe it?

If I had to… alternative dance-pop. Maybe!

A: Alternative dance-pop, add it to the list guys!

I find it really interesting, because so many bands seem to hate genre labels these days, but it’s good to see that you’re just embracing it and saying “give us whatever you’ve got!”

A: Yeah, we’ve only had one that has summed us up, and the other attempts haven’t quite. I think that’s because we know our sound is kind of all over the place, but in a good way, so nothing can really hurt us. It’s like if someone was like, “they’re goth clash!”, we would just be like, “Er, okay.”

J: I just don’t think it matters! If you feel that strongly about it, then maybe that’s because you have some kind of insecurity about your music being generic.

K: Burned up!

A: Woah, Josh is bringing the fire to the fans!

K: No, no, it’s exactly the thought that went through my mind as well.

J: For example, if we were making music that was quite derivative of Mumford and Sons and people were saying it sounds just like that, then I would be pissed, because I’d be like “oh it’s true, dammit!”

K: Yeah, or if you’re making indie-rock and everyone was only saying indie-rock, then we wouldn’t want to be that. I always find it quite interesting, just any attempts to put any genres on us. It doesn’t really bother me.

J: Also, most importantly, I don’t think it ever affects us and the way that we look at our music.

A: I was going to say, and it’s kind of a cliche, that we literally write most of this stuff for ourselves. That’s literally how it started. At no point we were like, “this is going to be a hit, so we’ve got to go in this direction with it.” It’s hard enough for us three to say it’s done, so by that point, it is whatever it is. There’s loads of tracks that clash with each other, but it works.

“At no point we were like, ‘this is going to be a hit, so we’ve got to go in this direction with it.’”— Amer from Strong Asian Mothers

You’re writing this project for yourselves, but have you been involved in other things before?

K: Oh yeah, well I’ve got a solo project, called Khushi Music.

A: Khushi’s coming back in a big way by the way. I’ve heard the new material, it’s utterly inappropriate for our band, but it’s great for him.

K: And Josh produces...

J: Yeah, I do a little bit of production for other people. I have a solo production project in an embryonic state, that will probably never be played to any other human ears. Other than that, there was The Mercers, that indie-rock band we used to be in. I also used to do session work as a drummer for other artists.

A: I’ve mostly been in wedding bands. I’ve played in like three wedding bands in my life, and they’ve all been amazing! I’m actually a filmmaker, that’s my job. I’ve been doing that forever, that was my career path, but music was always my passion. I’m also an actor, I’ve been in a lot of things, like small bit parts and commercials. Basically, fingers in pies.

K: He’s also a phenomenal DJ! AKA Chocolate Susan.

I haven’t noticed these little nicknames!

K: Yeah, so I’m K9, Khaotic, Kali-P, K-Twizzle.

A: They’re all variations of hip-hop names. Our wannabe hip-hop alter-egos! [Towards Josh] here we have Rogan Josh, Josh Posh Beats, J-Dillaworth.

J: That’s because my middle name is Dillworth.

A: I’m Chocolate Susan, Amer-change-your-life, Amer-millionaire.

K: Do we have to go on with those?

I think I’ve got enough! Strong Asian Mothers has been going for longer than your online presence would suggest, as two years ago, you played with Jungle. How did that come about?

K: I think that was just through our booking agent.

J: That’s decent knowledge by the way!

A: Yeah, on HumanHuman the first post is like two years ago talking about the Jungle gig and they’ve been tracking us since then.

So, what was it like to play with Jungle?

A: Well, we actually played after them.

J: Yeah, they were supporting us, technically.

A: They were amazing and we loved it, but then we had to go on after them which was terrible because they took all their lights away, so we had to go on a really empty stage and play not as famous music. It was really fun though.

Well more recently, we’ve been hearing “The More That I” and “Out Of Love”, but do you have a favourite track from the new EP?

J: “Stay Down” for me, personally.

K: There’s a video for “Stay Down” with a fifty-piece choir in it which we’re really happy with. There’s also a song on the EP called “Megabucket”. [To Josh] so, “Stay Down” is your favourite?

J: I think so, although “Megabucket” has a special place in my heart because it was originally a song that was played in a different band a lifetime ago. I used to play in a jazz hip-hop fusion band.

Did it have a name?

J: Erm, yeah… it had a name. We were called the J H Collective and we had a rapper and horns and it was jazzy.

K: Josh is a recovering jazz addict.

A: Can you say which famous people were in your band?

J: Yeah, we had Michael Kiwanuka playing guitar for us, Mark Crown who now plays trumpet for Rudimental, and rapping we had Jack Hughes and Street Journalist, who is now an actor in the Lion King on the West End. But yeah, “Megabucket” was one of that band’s favourites and it became something much better. It has found it’s home and it’s a beautiful thing to see that track released into the world finally.

A: You were so happy with that. It’s like nine years old that song. I think “Megabucket” is my favourite too.

I would say that my favourite is “The More That I”.

K: Mine too.

Yeah! Well for me it comes down to how the words add to the overall rhythm of the song, they’re snappy. I was wondering, does one of you take the lead with lyrics, or is that a collaborative process?

J: At the moment, most of the vocal content is from Kalim, although we’re all branching into writing vocals and lyrics, but Kalim has the most experience as a singer. [To Kalim] sorry, I’m speaking on your behalf!

K: It’s fine. On that point, it’s a funny thing for us because having being influenced by so much hip-hop, but feeling it might be awkward for us to rap… In “The More That I”, there’s an influence in terms of the importance placed on rhythm in the melody.

A: In “Out Of Love” too. It’s basically secret rapping.

“Out Of Love” is a song that seems to be about a break-up and all the feelings surrounding that. Why do you think that music so often comes back to this idea of falling in love, falling out of it and everything in between?

K: Because in our sheltered Western lives, it’s the most intense thing we will go through.

Woah, that is one quote right there!

A: That’s it, cut it there!

J: Anything you add to that is going to be an anti-climax.

K: True, true. It’s really easy to put down the feelings of love, but it is an intense thing that we all go through as human beings.

A: It’s also a really easy thing to feel comfortable to write about, because you know that people will understand. It’s a human feeling, and that transcends all creed, race, religion. You’re not putting too much on the line by singing about a subject that everyone can experience.

K: I guess it’s also different from a classic break-up song, which are like “oh fuck, my heart’s broken, I miss you.” I guess this is celebrating the other side of break-ups, which can be quite liberating and energizing. It can be a new chapter and a new lease of life if you’ve left a relationship that you felt was no longer right for you. There’s that side of break-ups too, which isn’t that commonly talked about.

To move on to something a little less intense, how on earth did you convince your mums to do the Mothers Interview?

A: Our mums, and this is something we learnt from the interview, they represent us quite easily, a little too well, and that was an embarrassing revelation for me! My mum couldn’t fucking wait. Straight on there, she was like “oh yeah, I’ll do that!”

J: I was absolutely convinced as soon as the idea came up that there was no way I was going to get my mum to do it. Since I’ve known her… [laughs] which is most of my life! She’s always hated having her photograph taken, but as soon as I mentioned it she was really up for it and she ended up being a star! She was amazing.

K: She’s an undercover comic genius!

J: What was the amazing quote? I think it was when the video came out and we shared it on Facebook and my mum saw it, she showed my dad because he doesn’t have Facebook.

A: Then she sent me a private message!

J: Yeah, she sent it to Amer, she didn’t even tell me! She sent Amer a private message saying… [starts laughing] my dad’s called Godfrey by the way, as a prerequisite to this story.

A: Josh’s mum messaged me saying, “Love the video. Thank you so much! Godfrey is tickled pink. You’re brilliant. Shout out to Amer Chadha-Patel and his tight swags.” [all three burst out laughing]

I also really, really loved the debate over plug-ins!

A: That was a last minute thing, so the way we did that is that we interviewed ourselves, transcribed the answers and gave it to our mums to just be us. We only gave them couple of things to talk about, but they ended up getting into an argument anyway!

It was pretty convincing! On that point, how do you think things like plug-ins and digital audio workstations are affecting the sound of current music?

K: In many ways it democratizing it, because otherwise it means you have to wait until you have loads of money behind you to get into a studio.

J: It levels the playing field, doesn’t it? Everyone is now releasing music in the same way.

K: As long as you can afford a laptop, because that’s not everyone, but it’s definitely more than can afford a studio. It also gives people more time to experiment and play around with sounds, because in a studio you have this fixed time where you have to write music mainly in the rehearsal room or on the run. Whereas now, you can construct it bit by bit and experiment. I think it’s an exciting new chapter.

A: It’s also teaching me to respect simple songwriting, because there’s so much on offer that I can kind of freak out with all the plug-ins and we have so many samples. You just have to remember that as long as the chord progression is good, and the lyrics and melody works, then everything else is just filler. You have to start with something good. I was listening to Q-Tip the other day, who I really love, and thinking this is so simple and really good. Or I’ll get in the car and I’ll be listening to J-Dilla with an amazing drum production and a really simple guitar line, and the only thing on top of that is vocals. In comparison to our music, it’s so simple! That is totally achievable with what we have, without any need to go as far as do. Learning to reign it in a bit has been the most valuable lesson for me. I can go fucking mental! And I have done, there’s so much stuff on my computer that’s just not for anybody. It’s basically the ramblings of a madman who likes metal and hip-hop.

J: As a production-based trio, it can be overwhelming and you can become obsessed with becoming a really technically accomplished producer and learning all the ins and outs of your DAW. You can get really hung up on that and it can become really problematic, because you stop focussing on what’s really important and start trying to sound like Flume and produce like Hudson Mohawke. I was recently reminded by a friend that the most important thing is to have really strong core content. The source material that you’re working from, whether that’s a really strong sample or chord progression or melody or vocal idea, that’s the most important thing and everything after that is filler.

A: On the flipside, and as the least technically adept musician in this band, I have an instinct for music and I really like it and I can write chords, but I’m not the best musician, but I’ve been able to get very, very far with DAWs. I’ve been able to achieve stuff with my computer that is remarkable for someone who can’t actually play music very well.

K: That’s a good point, because it’s also enabled me to do things I couldn’t have, because I’m not a technically advanced musician either. There’s a long-running condition in popular music of not technically advanced musicians just doing their thing, but it gives them their own style.

A: Like Michael Jackson.

K: Well, not really, he was a very technically advanced singer.

A: But he couldn’t really play any instruments, but he would write whole songs in his head. Imagine what he would have done if he had Logic!

I think it was really interesting that you’ve all said you have to find a balance between technicalities and sticking to your original goal. Referring back to the Mothers’ Interview, Amer’s mum outlines your aim as “to form a band where you could play at a party with relative ease and people would dance regardless of knowing it”.

A: You’re quoting my mum!

K: That’s the genre label we want, dance regardless.

Has that goal been achieved?

K: We’re on the way to achieving it.

A: No, I think we achieved it. I think we achieved it very early on, and we’re on changing our tune a bit. This band started with a few hip-hop beats Khush had written and a few instrumentals from me that we thought would be good to put on a backing track and then we could just take some top-line melodies and a couple of keyboards to play live. At that point, the sole aim was to make music for parties. We had no idea what we were, we would just dance along! That was the essence of dance regardless. Since then we’ve grown exponentially as actual songwriters.

J: I don’t think that’s our sole ambition anymore, to turn up at a venue and make people dance.

So, you’ve gone past the initial goal now?

J: Well, I think we’ve just adjusted what we want. That’s still definitely an important angle, we don’t want to turn up to gigs and play music that doesn’t move people in a physical way. I don’t think we’ll ever write any kind of music that doesn’t achieve that, but our aim includes other things now too.

A: That will always be an element of our songwriting, for the foreseeable future. We’re not likely to go in and write an acoustic song. Well, we might do at some point, but we’ll know if it’s right or wrong for the project, because we might not be defined by the idea behind the band which is to play boisterous party music.

For my last question, where can people go dance along to your music next?

A: We’re doing Secret Garden Party on the 22nd of July. Also Bestival, Cirque Du Soul, El Dorado Festival.

K: Anyone who lives in Beirut, we might be playing there too.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-strong-asian-mothers

[crookedmediatranscripts]

Pod Save America - Episode 75

9.5.2017 - “Trump always shoots the hostage.”

“North Korea conducts a nuclear test. Sessions announces the end of DACA with a six month delay. And Jon, Jon, and Tommy are joined by Congressman Adriano Espaillat to discuss potential legislation to protect Dreamers and reform the immigration system. Plus a discussion of a New York Times piece on rising economic inequality.”

0:00:00

Jon Favreau: The presenting sponsor of Pod Save America is Blue Apron. The number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. Those who spend a lot at restaurants or high end grocery chains can now spend under ten dollars per person for a delicious meal. Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home cooked meals. Customize your recipes each week based on your preferences. Blue Apron has several delivery options so you can choose what fits your needs. And there’s no weekly commitment, so you only get deliveries when you want them. The ad’s a little longer today. Are you noticing that, Lovett?

Jon Lovett: I didn’t. I was just waiting for my turn to talk.

JF: Blue Apron knows you’re busy, so now they’re offering 30 minute meals. These meals are made with the same flavor and farm fresh ingredients you know and love, and are ready in 30 minutes or less.

JL: Hm.

JF: Check out this week’s menu and get your first three meals free, with free shipping by going to blueapron.com/crooked. That’s blueapron.com/crooked. Blue Apron is a better way to –

JL: Jeff Sessions is the worst.

JF: – cook.

[THEME MUSIC]

0:00:56.1

JF: Pod Save America is also brought to you by ProFlowers.

JL: Oh, we like PloFlowers- [slower] ProFlowers.

JF: Do you wanna talk about a rose bouquet recently sent to you by ProFlowers and your overall impression of it?

JL: Um.

JF: That’s what it asks for right here in the ad copy.

JL: Jon, I’d love to.

JF: Go ahead.

JL: I did not get it. [Laughs]

JF: Oh.

JL: But –

JF: You have before.

JL: I have before.

JF: They lo- ProFlowers and you have a special relationship.

JL: Look, ProFlowers sends me flowers on the regular. Which is not something anybody else can say that they do.

[Both laughing]

JL: And I really enjoy it. You get this box and you open it and it’s sort of like ready to go. And then you just have flowers in your house. And it’s cool. Look, you guys know me. I’m not organized to the point where I, like, in the morning go to the farmers market for farm fresh flowers. That’s not in the cards, and it will never be. Let’s just face it. But, I can have flowers in my house cause ProFlowers sends these like nice things and you just kind of put them in a vase, or a ‘Vahse’ if you’re pretentious, and you’re all set!

JF: And guess what, now we have a special deal –

JL: Oh.

JF: – you can get 20% off any of their unique summer rose bouquet, or any other bouquet, of 29 dollars or more. Their colorful rainbow roses are always a hit if you aren’t sure what to send someone. Okay.

JL: Cool.

JF: ProFlowers bouquets are guaranteed to stay fresh for at least seven days or your money back. You control the delivery date. Wow. That’s in your hands, the delivery date.

JL: I’ve-

JF: Um.

JL: I’ve never felt such power.

JF: [Laughing] More bloom for your buck. That’s what they say.

JL: More stems for your money?

JF: 20% off summer roses –

JL: They cut that! Cause I asked them to.

JF: No, it’s here.

JL: Oh.

JF: To get 20% off summer roses or any other bouquet for 29 dollars or more, go to proflowers.com and use our code “CROOKED” at checkout. That’s proflowers.com, code “CROOKED.” Don’t wait to make someone’s day.

JL: Don’t wait.

[THEME MUSIC]

0:2:39.7

JF: Welcome to Pod Save America, I’m Jon Favreau.

Tommy Vietor: I’m Tommy Vietor

JL: [breathless] I’m Jon Lovett. [Chuckles] I’m a little bit late.

[Laughter]

JF: Lovett missed the time for today.

JL: I- you know, look. It was a holiday weekend. There’s a lot going on. Did I see an 8:30 calendar invite? Yes. But did I still in my mind make it nine o clock? You bet I did.

JF: [Laughing]

JL: You bet I did. But I drove like the wind, guys.

JF: Tommy’s joining us from Salt Lake City, where we were this weekend. Our friend Shomik Dutta got married so, Tommy’s hanging out there.

JL: You guys officiated.

JF: We did. We did.

TV: Yeah.

JF: Tommy and I officiated the wedding. It went very well.

JL: By the- by the power invested in bros.

[Laughter]

JF: It’s actually “by the power vested in.”

JL: “Power vested.” That’s right.

JF: You know why. Cause I had ‘invested and Tommy corrected it right before the ceremony.

TV: [Laughing]

JF: I would’ve sounded very stupid.

TV: [Still laughing] Critical typo.

JL: That is really- yes and I’m glad you corrected me. I wish it hadn’t been on the podcast but it’s done now. [Laughing]

JF: Well, you know. There you go. Okay, guys. On today’s show, we will have New York Congressman Adriano Espaillat. Who will be talking about Trump’s decision to end the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, which just happened within the last hour. Okay, let’s first talk about other pods. Pod Save the People is out today, on Tuesday, DeRay is talking to former Education Secretary, Arne Duncan as well as the candidate for Georgia Governor, Stacey Abrams.

JL: Oh, that’s great. I’m excited about that.

JF: Yeah. I know, me too.

JL: I wanna have her on this podcast, too.

JF: It’s- and it’s out right now. You can download it.

JL: Oh, awesome.

JF: Tommy, who’s on Pod Save the World this week?

TV: Doug Lute, who was- who ran the Iraq and Afghanistan war with President Bush, stayed on for President Obama. We talked about what that was like, what he learned over 35 years in the military, six years in the White House, and two years as the US ambassador to NATO. So, he’s pretty- a person who sees the whole field and understands these issues like- like very few others. You will not wanna miss it.

JF: Excellent. We will all check that out. Okay, so wanna talk about DACA but let’s start with North Korea. Cause we haven’t talked about that yet and Tommy, we have you here so we’re gonna ask you all about it. On Sunday, North Korea tested a hydrogen bomb about seven times stronger than the bomb that the US dropped on Hiroshima. It’s the country’s sixth nuclear test. This follows North Korea’s launch of a missile into Japanese airspace on August 29th. There’s also reports that they may fire more intercontinental ballistic missiles soon, as well. Lovely. Tommy, I know we probably can’t pinpoint this exactly, but what do we think Kim Jon-un wants here? What is his game plan? Or at least, what are some of the possibilities of what he’s trying to do here?

TV: Uh literally no one knows.

JF: Yeah.

TV: I mean, there’s a theory that they think having a nuclear weapons program and- and having an ICBM capability where they could actually launch a nuclear tipped ICBM that could strike the United States provides them a deterrent that they think will protect the survival of the regime. There’s others who think that the continued development and tests of these missiles and the nuclear tests are an effort to divide the alliance, divide up the US and the Koreans and Japan, and- and split us up. And try to, you know create diplomatic friction that would, you know help them sort of get what they want which is to get us to stop doing military drills with South Korea or to get the US to pull its troops out of South Korea entirely. So, I mean there’s a whole bunch of different theories. I think the best quote I’ve seen on this is that anyone who claims to know what he’s thinking is probably lying or if they really, really know you’re deep in the bowels of the CIA and you’re probably not going to say anything. But it’s an incredibly dangerous situation.

JF: Yeah, it sounds like it. I was reading in the Times, New York Times that, you know they said the conventional wisdom thus far has been like you just said — it’s a defensive measure it’s to prevent regime change. but then I thought that there’s some people in the Trump Administration are now thinking that its getting a little worse which is. potentially he can use this as blackmail. You know, the worst case there is, ‘Let us invade South Korea or we’ll nuke Los Angeles’ or something. Or at least –

TV: Yeah.

JF: – they’re gonna try to get away with smaller military provocations now, knowing that they have this- this nuclear arsenal if anyone tries to fuck with them.

TV: Right, I mean that’s always been sort of one of the broader concerns about proliferation of these weapons generally, is that you could- you don’t necessarily have to launch a nuclear weapon to use it. You could give it to a terrorist group. You could you know sort of give it to some other bad actor. You could, you know use it as a cudgel that you hang over your- your adversaries and- and take increasingly caustic steps and you know, do things that you might now be able to get away with before. So, like there are a lot of scenarios here, none of them trend in a direction that feels safer.

JF: [Laughs]

TV: All of it- all of it is getting worse. And you know this was their sixth nuclear test but it was by far their most successful one. It’s not clear if it was actually a hydrogen bomb. Some experts think it was a boosted conventional nuclear weapon, which is- it’s still bad. It’s still a very successful test. But you know, the- the hydrogen bomb we tested at Bikini Atoll in the 50s was like a thousand times more powerful than what we dropped on Hiroshima so, you know. They’ve a ways to go before they are truly threatening us like China does or like Russia does. But you know it’s- they’re moving quickly. They’re progressing quickly and that should be worrisome to everyone. It clearly is to the Trump Administration. I mean, when you read General Mattis’ comments, when you read Nikki Haley’s comments, like, people are seized with this. They’re very worried. The problem is that Trump’s response is not helpful. I mean, tweeting criticism of the President of South Korea, essentially calling him weak for wanting to have a conversation is not helpful. Like floating that we’re gonna cut off all trade with anyone that does business with North Korea is not remotely feasible and it’s not helpful. So like, there’s these splits in the alliance that are developing that are direct results of the things he’s saying in response to these actions.

JL: But at the same time, what is helpful? Because we’ve had several presidents who aren’t Donald Trump who, they’ve tried the diplomatic approach. They’ve tried the threatening approach. From the Clinton Administration, the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration, things have progressed. And it seems- like- is there any hope for any kind of a change? It just seems like we’re moving inexorably toward a nuclear armed North Korea as a defense against regime change and they don’t seem bent on stopping and we don’t seem to have the tools to stop them.

TV: Well, I mean, look. How we ultimately resolve this is the hardest problem in all of foreign policy. But I don’t think it’s hard to say that attacking the President of South Korea in the midst of all this is an unhelpful thing to do. I don’t think it’s, you know surprising to say that, like threatening to pull out of the US-South Korea trade agreement in the midst of all this is unhelpful. It’s like what- what has been useful in the past is getting all the relevant actors in these talks and these process on the same page in approaching North Korea with unanimity and going to the UN Security council to get more sanctions in unanimity, and using diplomacy and whatever other tools we have to get you know sanctions or to, you know try to pressure the Chinese to reduce exports of oil or- or stop selling them coal. I mean there’s a whole bunch of additional economic pressure steps that we could take. They get harder when you have a President of the United States that’s seemingly more interested in tweeting criticisms of China or South Korea than like, engaging them in a serious dialogue to try to get them to take the steps we need. That’s sort of what I’m getting at.

JF: Yeah, I mean. It’s- it’s funny because in the outline I have ‘let’s talk about the Trump Administration response’ and then ‘Trump response’ because insanely those two things are different. [Chuckles]

JL: [Chuckling] They’re very, very different.

JF: So, like you- like you were saying, Tommy, like, his- his response was to attack South Korea on Twitter and to suggest cutting off the United States trade relationship with China, which is our biggest trading partner and, like, not just not feasible but like economically catastrophic for the United States.

TV: Right.

JL: It’s like Nikki Haley and Mattis and Kelly have a- have a Snapchat filter that makes Donald Trump, Mitt Romney.

[Laughter]

TV: I, so yeah, but like if North Korea was able to take a bunch of steps that got the US and China into a trade war, that’s a big win for North Korea. [Laughs] That’s a big- it’s a big loss for us. Right?

JF: Right.

TV: Right. I mean, like they’re our biggest trading partner by far. That would create an economic catastrophe. So, we don’t want that.

JF: Yeah. So, the less insane step. Let’s talk about Nikki Haley. She was at the- she said, she was trying to pressure the United Stat- the United Nations Security Council to cut off all oil and other fuels to North Korea. Specifically trying to pressure China. She also said, ‘The time has come for us to exhaust all of our diplomatic means before it’s too late.’ So (a) you know, would this make a difference, cutting all oil and other fuels to North Korea, if China did this? And would China ever go for this?

TV: It’s hard to know. I mean I think 90% of North Korea’s trade basically, and almost all of its imported energy, is from China. China’s overall trade with North was up in the last year or so. So, there’s some questions about whether this would only hurt regular people in North Korea, who need to take a bus from one town or the other, or need energy to heat their homes. Because the military is assumed to have stockpiles of- of energy that will last them a significant period of time. There’s also concern that they may lash out and do more. So, I mean I think those are probably risks you have to take to exert- increase more pressure on North Korea and on their military. But, you know there’s no guarantee that, like Lovett was saying earlier, that any of those things are actually gonna work and solve the overall problem.

JF: So, South Korea’s Defense Minister on Monday said, ‘It was worth reviewing the redeployment of American tactical nuclear weapons to the Korean peninsula to guard against the North.’ What does that mean? Is it a good or bad idea? Would that ever happen?

TV: [Chuckling] A tactical nuclear weapon is one that is, in some ways, small enough that it’s seen as being able to be used on the battlefield. So, if there were a big tunnel that was used to get forces from one point to another or, I don’t know, some sort of like route that they were going through that you might be able to take out completely, you could use a taclear- tactical nuke. I think it sorts of sounds insane on its face. I think a lot of these things you want to throw into a bucket of things that are designed to sort of reassure the South Korean government or military or people that we’re on their side, that we’ll help them, that we’ll continue to escalate. But, you know you hear these things that are getting floated like, requesting permission to increase the payload on South Korean missiles so that they can you know use them more effectively against North Korean targets. I mean, all of this is so escalatory in a region that is fraught and tense to being with. I mean, none of it- none of it sounds good. All these things that we’re talking about are military solutions and there’s seemingly no diplomatic track going on. And you have a President tweeting that talks are weak and that, you know talking is not the answer.

JL: You know, one thing I saw people talking about, over the weekend is, the larger context for this kind of diplomacy and people were noting that Libya, Iraq — that these are examples of countries where Kim Jon-un can look at these countries and say, ‘If I don’t have nuclear weapons, this is my fate.’

TV: Yeah.

JL: How much damage to our ability to convince someone like Kim Jon-un that giving up nuclear weapons peaceably is the best step he can take for himself personally, has American policy of regime change caused?

TV: That’s a great question. I think it’s, I mean I think obviously Iraq was seen by most people as a disaster. I think the more and more you step back from Libya and hear the way it’s talked about in scenarios like this, you know with Qaddaffi sort of being literally killed in the streets because he gave up this capability, it does make you step back and wonder and rethink. I mean ultimately that was, you know supposed to be a humanitarian intervention to save, you know several hundred thousand people in Benghazi from getting massacred by Qaddaffi’s troops and forces, and it- and it escalated into a broader NATO mission that ended up toppling the government and leading to regime change. But yeah, I mean, you know look it’s a whole part of the list of unintended consequences that come from these things.

JF: So, for all the shit the Republicans have given Obama over the years about red lines, it seems like with North Korea Trump is sort of drawing and then erasing red lines as this crisis progresses. It seems like the latest is Mattis saying that basically the new line is if we’re threatened with attack. And I was sort of confused, like what does it mean to be threatened with attack. I mean, at what point does it seem likely that we would strike North Korea or take some sort of military action?

TV: Yeah, I’m confused by- I mean it seems like, apparently, we’re now defining ‘red line’ as only when you say, ‘Here’s my red line.’ But- [JF chuckling] but it does appear to be shifting. I was not entirely sure what that meant either. Cause it seems unlikely that they’re gonna say, ‘Hey, here’s the ICBM with the weapon on it. We’re gonna attack you now.’ And then you sort of get a chance to respond…

JF: [Laughing] Right.

JL: Right, I mean, North Korea issues threats against us on a semi-daily basis.

TV: [Laughing] Right. I mean they have the most over the top rhetoric in the history of the world. I mean, at the end of the day, like they- these guys have so much artillery pointed at Seoul where tons of American civilians live, where we have 20,500 US service members serving. And there’s also now apparently, they have the range to hit Guam, the range to hit Japan. So, there’s a lot of [chuckles] a lot of terrible scenarios where military intervention is taken.

JF: Really doesn’t seem like there’s any good outcomes here, huh?

JL: Happy Tuesday, everybody.

TV: No! [Laughing] I mean, like diplomacy won’t necessarily solve every problem, but there was always seemingly some value to having an ongoing diplomatic process. Like talks in the Middle East between the Israelis and Palestinians could sort of calm things. I think, you know that was not necessarily the case in North Korea. Like there were talks, then the North Koreans were cheating behind the scenes and that was incredibly problematic. But, like there has been no diplomatic track that we’ve seen. And I think that has made things worse.

JL: So just like, one last thing on North Korea. Are there any Hail Mary’s, totally out-there policies, totally new approaches, that people are talking about? I mean, normalizing relations, doing something completely unexpected, or you know that had been, whatever, considered unacceptable or not appropriate for a long time because we’re in this desperate situation in which nothing we have done in the past seems to have worked.

TV: The one I saw was, Henry Kissinger’s apparently been pitching an idea where we go to the Chinese and say, we talk about what happens after the North Korean state falls. And we commit to them that we will pull US troops out of South Korea, we will get our guys off the peninsula, so they don’t view this as sort of an American military just creeping north, closer and closer to their territory. That’s sort of the one kind of interesting Hail Mary that I’ve seen. I don’t have an opinion on it, cause what the hell do I know?

JL: Right.

TV: But, yeah. [Laughs] To answer your question.

JL: That would be about convincing China to do what they’ve been afraid to do, which is actually put the economic screws to North Korea to the point where the state would collapse.

TV: Exactly.

JL: It would be a terribly punishing thing for the millions and millions of people there. But that would, because — that’s Henry Kissinger. But that’s one idea for something different.

TV: Yeah, I mean it would be terribly punishing in the short term. I guess, he could maybe argue that in the long term, not having to live under Kim Jon-un –

JL: Right

TV: – is beneficial. But yeah, I mean it’s all about them, their overarching concern being that the North Korean state collapses, millions of refugees go over the border, or the peninsula reunifies and suddenly an American ally is right on their doorstep as opposed to having a buffer of North Korea between the two. But, you know I have no idea if they would listen to that or not.

JF: Yeah, it seems like China has to become more concerned about a nuclear attack launched by North Korea than they are about –

JL: A refugee crisis on their border.

JF: – a refugee crisis or the United States and South Korea sort of being at their border.

TV: Yeah.

JL: Well luckily, we have the dealmaker, the great Trump, able to deftly [JF laughs] navigate these delicate issues.

JF: [Laughing] Wonderful. When we come back we will talk about another happy topic: Jeff Sessions’ announcement that Donald Trump will end the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program. We will cover that as soon as we’re back.

[THEME MUSIC]

00:19:07.4

JF: Pod Save America is brought to you by Sonos.

JL: Oh, we love Sonos.

JF: I mean, I love Sonos. Sonos is now in our new house. There is another speaker. We put it in the kitchen. We have a couple different ones. It was surround sound, it was easy- it was the easiest thing to set up in my house.

JL: I treated myself, this Labor Day weekend, there was- I literally drove to the eyeglasses store to get eyeglasses so that I could play videogames. [Laughs]

JF: Where does the Sonos come in? [Laughs]

JL: So, I’m playing a game called Prey, which is awesome. And it’s over the Sonos, I have the play base so my TV’s on that and there’s a speaker in the dining room. So anyway, we were talking about, Taylor Swift put out a minute of her song and Ronan played it over the sound system.

JF: Did you like the new one?

JL: I’m not sure yet, the jury’s out. I’m not sure what Taylor Swift is putting out these days, however.

JF: However.

JL: I will say, it’s not Sonos’ fault.

JF: [Laughs]

JL: It’s not Sonos’ fault that the melody’s not where I want it to be.

[Laughing]

JL: Cause it was- you know you switch it over, we’re playing music and I was like, ‘You know what, enough music.’ And then just with a click inside the app all of a sudden, I’m hearing my videogame again and I’m battling the Typhon and it’s all working out.

JF: Sonos is offering listeners of Pod Save America 10% off one order of 2500 dollars or less –

JL: [Laughing] I like an immersive sim, that’s the kind of game I like.

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JL: The game doesn’t tell me when to go the bridge, I go to the bridge when I want.

[THEME MUSIC]

00:20:36.4

JF: Okay, Attorney General Jeff Sessions made an annoucement just now that Donald Trump will be ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival program in six months. If you are currently a DACA recipient, you can renew your permit for another two years so.

JL: As long as your renewal is within the six months.

JF: Correct. But no new requests for permits will be acted upon. Trump was too much of a politically weak coward [JL snorts] to say this himself, and Sessions refused to answer any questions about a decision that may lead to the deportation of 800 thousand young people who have lived in America for most of their lives. Just to review, so everyone knows what a DACA recipient is: the average age they came to the United States was six years old, the average age of them right now is 26, 91% are employed, 100% — 100% — have no criminal record, they pay 500 dollars to renew this permit every two years, and that gives them opportunity to work in the United States and pay Social Security and other taxes. I would say this is probably the cruelest decision that Donald Trump has made since becoming President.

JL: Yes. I think ending DACA is the cruelest thing that Donald Trump could do. It is true that he put a six-month window on it. And because it’s Trump, we can’t trust them to do anything about it, to successfully pursue a legislative strategy to fix it. But at the same time, clearly, he could’ve ended it outright today if he wanted to. So –

JF: Well, here’s why that’s bullshit. I know that was a lot of the reporting leading up to this. I know there’s all the, White House sources have said that Trump is not sure and I know Maggie Haberman at the New York Times and people at Politico also believe this, that at the end of six months, perhaps he just quietly extends it because, you know he didn’t really wanna end it. I think if that was the case, you would not have — Jeff Sessions came out today, that statement said it is being rescinded. There was a letter sent, the program is being phased out. It is done. So, they are giving a transition period but it did not appear by any means today that Jeff Sessions- the way that he made that announcement, what he actually said at the press conference is that he was leaving room for this. We don’t know if Trump would sign legislation that passes Congress to protect this program.

JL: Right.

JF: So, there’s no indication that that would happen.

JL: I mean, yeah. so, this is the problem — one of the many problems in the Trump Administration — you know, he consistently tries to use his innate cruelty as leverage but is too incompetent and undisciplined to successfully do that. He’s doing that with the ObamaCare exchanges and trying to sabotage them, now to no end whatsoever given that the legislation is dead. He is now threatening 800 thousand young people with DACA, who now are panicked and terrified because they have no idea if they’re status will continue beyond this renewal period. Now- but at the same time you can see how this is- this is Trump as a worse and crueler version of where the Republican Party is, where Jeff Sessions is, where Tom Cotton is. You could imagine another Republican president announcing a plan to phase out DACA as part of a strategy to get something outta Congress. To get border funding, to get a comprehensive bill. Now, because it’s Trump, there is no strategy. There’s no one competent, you know there’s a general overseeing a bunch of goons who have no ability to work with Congress. If anything, Donald Trump has been a hindrance when it comes to working with Congress, so it’s terrifying because he’s playing chicken with people’s lives but he has no idea how to work the machine. So, it’s horrible on that front. That being said we have a six-month period in which Congress can protect these young people. You know I see Democrats today saying, ‘Okay, you want- Paul Ryan, you say this should be left up to Congress. Jeff Sessions you think this should be left up to Congress. You know, we can talk about the Constitutional issues and whether or not it’s legal and you know the vast majority of- of sort of the legal scholars say yes, but it’s an extension of presidential power.” You wanna debate that, fine. Put it through Congress as a clean bill. Or you wanna talk about comprehensive reform, this is your big play for immigration reform even though you’ve not talked about that and you’ve said tax reform is the next thing, fine. But like, clearly Donald Trump didn’t want to go out in front of the podium and appease his base and end this thing. And that is a glimmer of hope on this issue.

JF: Tommy?

TV: Yeah, I mean, I second everything you guys said about the cruelty. Like, it also seems just pretty un-American to punish a kid for something their parents did when they were four or five years old. God help all of us if that was the law in this country. I find myself increasingly confused by the politics to the issue because you see polling where this, like 64-65% of Americans support DACA but- but Trump is throwing this bank into a Republican Congress and asking them to fix it when nearly all of them voted against the Dream Act in 2010. So, it doesn’t- it doesn’t seem like there’s a ton of hope there because there’s so much anti-immigration sentiment in the Republican base. So, I mean in a weird way, you know you’re seeing these soundings from members of Congress who are talking about their, you know how concerned they are about this choice. I just wonder if any of them will muster the political will to do something about it. I’m not hopeful.

JF: I’m not too hopeful, either. And you’re right. I actually saw a poll this morning that said something like, 86% supported people who were- came here when they were five years old staying and when you get to teenage years it’s like 83%. So, you’re right, it’s overwhelming.

TV: Yeah.

JF: I think, Tommy, that the politics on this has actually changed in a very short time because back in 2010 when Obama tried to pass this legislation, you not only had a bunch of Republican, or almost all Republicans, voting against it. John Tester voted against it in the Senate, Joe Manchin wasn’t there for the vote but said he would’ve opposed it. So, you had some Democrats even opposing this as well. I don’t think you’d find any Democrats today who would oppose this. I think the politics has shifted. And you had Paul Ryan, Orin Hatch, some others, say, ‘We should fix- President Trump should not do this and we should fix this legislatively in the Congress’. But whether they’ll be able to do that or not is, you know we don’t know. As Lovett said, there’s a six-month window. I think that six-month window is probably- that’s up to us, to activists, to everyone else, to put enormous pressure on Congress to do something about this.

JL: Jon, what do you think Democrats should be doing right now? What should our position be?

JL: Our position should be introducing another version of the Dream Act or whatever the- there’s- we were saying this on Thursday, there’s a version of the Dream Act that Dick Durbin and Lindsay Graham introduced, a bipartisan bill. It’s a very good piece of legislation. It would protect all these 800 thousand young people. And they should introduce it and Democrats should be pounding the pavement on it every single day.

JL: So –

JF: I mean, it should- that should be- they should demand it. They should scream it from the rooftops.

JL: Yeah, I agree with that. At the same time, right, the politics have changed. It’s- Democrats have shifted to the left. There was this video circulating over the weekend which showed George H.W. Bush and Ronald Reagan debating basically this issue. And –

TV: I saw that.

JL: – both of them were bending over backwards to show they were more compassionate, which was a totally reasonable and, you know- reasonable thing to see. And these are not [chuckling] these not two people who I think were particularly compassionate in their policies as President, but there you have it. It seems like the Republicans in a lot of way have shifted to the right. Democrats have shifted a lot of ways to the left on this issue. Okay, so we’re gonna say, ‘Give us a way to make these kids- let them stay. You have a six-month window, let them stay.’ And then if Republicans haven’t gone for that before, Paul Ryan says ‘Let’s have a legislative solution.’ Of course, he voted against the legislative solution when he had the chance.

JF: Right.

JL: So, Trump and the Republicans come back and say, ‘We want border security, we want a wall.’ I mean what- what do we say to that? Do we say, ‘We’ll be for that as long as the kids are protected? We’ll be for that as long as you do something for these kids and the other millions of people who are here?’ I mean, is this- do we give into this wall nonsense in order to try to get something through Congress?

TV: That’s where I think the politics are so strange from the White House. It’s because you have- keeping DACA is a very popular program. Funding a wall that people increasingly believe will not work in [chuckling] any way, is not as popular a program anymore. So, I feel like he’s thrusting Republicans into a very tough political situation, whereas Democrats can just push for a straight- a straight Dream Act legislative type fix, right?

JF: Yeah, well, I mean, exactly, Tommy. Because, Lovett, what you’re saying is- it’s so hypothetical right now because there is no unified Republican plan. There is no plan at all.

JL: Right.

JF: There’s a few Republicans who said, ‘Maybe we get a wall down payment and then pass a version of the Dream Act.’ But not every Republican is on board with that. Not even a majority of Republicans are on board with that. Tom Cotton is saying he’ll only do it — pass the Dream Act — if you curb legal immigration and lower immigration levels like, in the plan that Stephen Miller wrote. But that’s only Tom Cotton. There’s some people who would just do a straight Dream Act bill like Lindsay Graham. So, you don’t have a unified Republican position on this. So, Democrats- there’s no reason Democrats should start negotiating against themselves already when there has not been- the Republican party broke this and now the Republican party has to offer a plan to fix it. That’s where we should start right now.

JL: Okay. I agree with that. Yeah, I- this is the Trump problem because- you know, Ben Smith wrote something in Buzzfeed over the weekend which I thought was good. He said, ‘Donald Trump always shoots the hostage.’

JF: Right. [Laughs]

JL: That he has this leverage, right. On ObamaCare he had leverage over the exchanges. On DACA he has leverage over these young people. He has leverage. And he spends it in this capricious and undisciplined way without any strategy because there’s no one good around him who has the ability to do this. And he himself has absolutely no idea what he’s doing and lacks the discipline, resolve, or values to care enough to see anything through. The man wants a wall. If he went out there today and said ‘I believe the DACA program is illegal and unconstitutional. I don’t believe we should be kicking out these kids, but we have this huge problem of illegal immigration and we’ve allowed this to go on 30 years. Give me border security and we can figure out the immigration thing together.’ If he was some kind –

JF: Right.

JL: If he wanted to use this, he could do it. But there’s no impetus, there’s no goals to any of this. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

JF: Well, Lovett, see that- you just made the point where, like that’s why your original point about how, like –

JL: Thinking out loud, thinking it through!

JF: Well no, but like there’s like [JL laughs] a glimmer of hope and all this stuff that he didn’t really wanna end it. No, that’s all fucking bullshit. If he really didn’t want to end it, you don’t send Jeff Sessions out — who’s the biggest opponent of this and says, ‘It is over. It is done.’ Jeff Sessions did not urge Congress to pass a solution, he didn’t do anything.

JL: Right.

JF: So, there is no –

JL: You signal to your base.

JF: There is no public –

JL: With Jeff Sessions.

JF: There is no public statement from the administration today that they actually want Congress to fix it and they’re gonna sign it. Zero. So, if Trump really wanted to fix it he would’ve done exactly what you just said, Lovett.

JL: Right, but at the same time, he is worried about his base and he doesn’t want to seem like he’s appeasing these people to his base. So, you sent out the most hardliner to say, ‘I’m ending this thing.’ But that itself is not necessarily a single he do- signal he doesn’t want a legislative fix. Again, we know nothing and the answer is unknowable.

JF: Yeah.

JL: Because Donald Trump wants nothing.

JF: Right. That’s right.

JL: But just because he sends his most hardline person doesn’t mean that a legislative fix is impossible

JF: That’s right. Tommy?

TV: But it’s just so fun- like [chuckles] you have this very hard immigration problem. And seemingly the only solution being floated is a very expensive wall that no one thinks will work. And we’re throwing this into the mix in the middle of a month where you have a debt ceiling fight, and you’re gonna have a massive piece of legislation coming up to fund Harvey relief efforts, and you have a category five hurricane Irma barreling down on Miami. It’s like, what are they doing? The- there is no chance in my mind that Congress is gonna be able to take on something this large and fraught and challenging? Which I guess just speaks to the fact that the Stephen Millers and Jeff Sessions of the world know that by pushing this now, it will end DACA and that’s what ultimately they want.

JL: I mean, look- yeah –

TV: And they don’t care if the process is messy.

JF: And we should keep in mind that for, there will be a lot of talk today about how Trump is cruel, Trump did a bad thing, Trump is incompetent. But this is a bigger problem of like Trump era here where we only focus on Trump and not any other parts of the politics that are broken. If the Republican Congress does not fix this program, every single member of that Congress is as guilty as Donald Trump –

JL: Absolutely.

JF: – on DACA. They are- it’s not like they rubber stamp Donald Trump’s agenda or blah, blah, blah. Like no, no, no, no. Paul Ryan and Orin Hatch and all the- and Lindsay Graham and all the rest of them. If they cannot pass this, they are just as guilty and cruel as Donald Trump on DACA.

JL: And every one of them has made this argument about the legality. You can concede that this is an extension of presidential author- like you can even be uncomfortable with the fact that in an extraordinary situation we have this, basically [chuckles] huge extra-legal population of people that aren’t Americans because they weren’t born here but have lived in this country all their life and you could say, ‘The president did something extraordinary. It’s an extension of Presidential power. I don’t support it. That’s why Congress should act.’ So, do it! You’ll have every Democratic vote, it can pass. But Paul- but Paul Ryan is afraid to do it because he’s afraid of the same people Donald Trump is afraid of, which is why he sends Jeff Sessions out to do his dirty work.

JF: Which, by the way they’re afraid because they don’t want to make a very simple case, right. Like they know that the Breitbarts, and Fox News’, and everyone of the world is gonna say, ‘They let a bunch of illegals in here and illegals stay here and blah, blah, blah.’ And they’re ignoring the fact that these people are American. They are American in every single way but their pap- and it’s almost weird that we call, that we talk about them as DACA recipients. We use this fucking weird acronym like we do with everything else.

TV: I know. I hate it.

JF: And we- we talk about them like there’s a separate group of people. They are just like you and I. They have been here since six years old. They don’t have another country to go home to because they don’t know- many of them don’t have families in the countries they came from. They’ve never lived there, they’ve never been there. They’ve grown up in Los Angeles, and Miami, and all over the country. And they work here, and they pay taxes, and they study, and they defend this country, and they’re in the military. It is unconscionable that we are going to expel these people from their home country for no reason. It is a made-up crisis.

JL: [Laughs] It’s a made-up crisis. You know, we talk- Ruby Martinez who works at, I believe UCLA, she was on Lovett or Leave It talking about this. And she’s a DACA recipient and she just talked about how terrifying it is, and how heartbreaking it is and how DACA finally gave people legal status. Not just sort of the technical paperwork so they could legally get a job, but a feeling like they could plan for their futures –

JF: Yeah.

JL: – and think about their futures because they knew that they weren’t going to be deported in the middle of the night. And now all that fear comes rushing back.

JF: Yeah. And one of these young Americans is a paramedic who worked six straight days rescuing Harvey victims. And we found out that one was killed, trying to rescue others during Harvey. And the government won’t even give his mother a humanitarian visa to come to Houston so she can bury her son. So, these are the stories we’re dealing with. We should tell everyone if you wanna stop this, obviously call your Congressmen, call your Senator’s office. I think we should, you know, start up everything we did during the fight to save the Affordable Care Act. And if we could- I know there are activists that are holding rallies, and they’re protesting and they’re standing outside the Capitol today. United We Dream is a good place to go to find out what you can do to take action on this. And- and we’ll be telling you guys a lot of other places to go and to go help over the coming days and weeks.

JL: There was one thing we forgot which is that, Jared and Ivanka are against the end of DACA.

JF: Yeah. And I’m glad you didn’t make that point because I’m sick of talking about those two because they’re useless fucking people.

JL: They are useless.

JF: They’re useless. All the fucking moderates in the White House are useless. I don’t wanna hear about them. I don’t wanna think about them. I don’t care about them. Fuck them all.

JL: Cool.

JF: [Laughing] Okay, when we come back we will talk to New York Congressman Adriano Espaillat about this DACA decision.

[THEME MUSIC]

00:36:34.7

JF: [Laughing] Pod Save America is brought to you by PolicyGenius. Many people don’t know this, but September is National Life Insurance Awareness month.

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[THEME MUSIC]

00:38:29.4

JF: On the Pod today, we are very lucky to be joined by New York Congressman, Adriano Espaillat. Congressman, you were the first Dominican-American to serve in Congress, you’re also the first member of Congress to have been undocumented as an immigrant when you were a child. Tell us a little bit about your background and what it was like to be undocumented in America.

Adriano Espaillat: Well, I came here at the age of nine. I came with my parents on a visitor’s visa and we overstayed our visa and then we have to go back to the DR and get my legal residency. So that’s the status of how we got here. But you know for some time we were without our documentation and we were able to finally get our green card and the rest is history.

JF: So, you wrote a letter to Donald Trump recently asking him to save the Deferred Action program. Obviously today, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said it’s illegal and that they’ll be rescinding the program in six months. What’s your response?

AE: I think that he lied to the Dreamers and he lied to the American people when he said that they should let rest easy. And so again we see today how he turned his back on them, the American people and it’s really a troubling time in America when the President says one thing and does another.

JL: He’s put the six-month window on this thing. Are you hopeful that Congress can act in the next six months to protect these young people?

AE: Well, you know we have a lot on our table. Harvey, Texas, and money to that, we have a lot of initiatives that must be addressed. But I see nothing that has more- that should have more priority than this.

JF: So, what do you think the prospects for passage of a Dream Act in Congress are right now? How do you go about getting some of your Republican colleagues on board?

AE: Well there are some Republican colleagues that seem to wanna assist the Dreamers. In fact, even Paul Ryan has said that- instructed or asked the President not to dismantle the program. There’s Senators, several Republican Senators that also support the Dreamers and even one of the attorney generals that was involved in the litigation and threatening to include the DACA students in the current litigation they have on immigration, dropped out of the lawsuit. So, there is some sentiment out there in support of them. And I am hopeful that this item will take priority when we get back today to DC.

JL: So, as you said you have- Congress has a lot on its table. From Harvey to the debt ceiling to keeping the government running to, obviously, tax reform has been something they claim that they’re gonna do next. What legislative steps do you think are taking now? Is it worth holding up government funding as much as we can in the Senate? How far should we push to get these DACA recipients saved in the next six months?

AE: Well, there’s two pieces of legislation. One introduced by Congressman Gutierrez, the American Hope Act, and the other by Senator Durbin, the Bridge Act, which seem to want to address this particular issue. I think we should begin discussions around these two legislative proposals and try to bring closure and a solution to them as quickly as possible. Certainly, what we don’t want is for this DACA discussion to be linked to funding the building of the wall or throwing another monkey wrench in the way of these 800 thousand young people — 60% of which are working, 48% of which already have a bank account, and it seems some level of increase in their salary, 30% of them already have a credit card. So, it’s not only inhumane to disconnect them from their experience as an American, this is economic malpractice as well. And so, I ask that this be- that it’s a priority and that we will begin the discussion of these two pieces of legislation that have gained bipartisan support. And we could make this a priority when we get back to DC today.

JF: What would sensible immigration reform look like? If we were doing sort of a comprehensive type of immigration reform right now, cause obviously what we need to fix the system goes far beyond protecting these young Americans.

AE: Well you know, a comprehensive immigration reform will create- bring a pathway to, first a- a legal residency, a conditional legal residency, permanent legal residency, and ultimately citizenship. And so, this is what most countries that engage in a comprehensive immigration reform system or initiative, this is what they put forward and it should not be any different in America. So, we must bring some level of process in which undocumented people become- get a conditional legal residency that will then become permanent legal residency, a green card if you may. With the ultimate goal that they may have a pathway to citizenship down the road if they abide and play by the rules. If they work and they pay their taxes, why not make them American?

JL: So, as part of comprehensive reform, there’s always been a border security component of it. Would you support that? Having border security and restrictions on legal immigration as part of a comprehensive plan that includes helping the dreamers?

AE: Well, I think we should strengthen our borders. I don’t believe in building a wall. We can put more border patrol, we could deal with technology that’s available right now to secure the- the border better. I think the wall is a bad symbol. It doesn’t help security in- in no way, shape, or form. And it’s really costly and it sends a bad message across the world that America’s now a- you know, a closed society that it is a- a closed society to people for- to outsiders, if you may. And so, there is no objection from me in strengthening border protection, although I would not support the building of the wall.

JL: But so, the wall is like a dumb thing Donald Trump backed into because it got applause at his rallies.

AE: Yes, it is a bad idea and perhaps to get, you know he heard the applause and saw that, you know he will get some political cheap shot plummet [?] and boost his- his ratings and now he’s- he’s sort of like committed to it. But I don’t see how it works. It will be costly. How can you take money to build a wall when we really gotta rebuild Houston right now? And taxes. So, this is where we’re at right now.

JF: Congressman, what are you telling your constituents who may be affected by the Trump administration rescinding DACA?

AE: Well, first and foremost I’m telling them to be serene and- and to be waiting for our- the legal interpretation, the correct legal interpretation of what all of this means. We’re looking to see how we will counteract this, both politically and socially. But most importantly, each person should feel reassured that we have the social service safety net of legal services that will be able to interpret what this means to each and every one of them because every case of course may be- may have different circumstances.

JF: Congressman, thank you so much for joining us, and coming –

AE: Thank you, I appreciate that.

JF: Absolutely, have a good day. Take care.

[THEME MUSIC]

00:45:58.9

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[Both laughing]

JL: I don’t know about that. But I like going to classes, right? And you know it’s 7:30 am, I got a meeting with Jon Favreau and Tommy Vietor and they’re punctual.

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[THEME MUSIC]

00:49:41.3

JF: So, Lovett, there’s a great story in the New York Times by Neil Irwin, it was on Sunday, that I would encourage everyone to read. It tells a story of two janitors making comparable pay. Gale Evans who worked for Kodak in the 1980s and Marta Ramos who works for Apple today. Here’s the big difference. Evans was a full-time employee with four weeks paid vacation. Kodak reimbursed a portion of her college tuition, she was mentored and trained by the people in the company and she ultimately became Chief Technology Officer at Kodak. Ramos on the other hand is a paid contractor, hasn’t taken a vacation in years, can’t afford college, hasn’t received any bonuses, and has no opportunity for advancement at Apple.

JL: Yeah and what’s interesting is, they roughly make the same.

JF: Yeah.

JL: Even counting for inflation. Basically, they have the same income, but just one of the jobs is upwardly mobile and the other is not.

JF: And it’s basically the story of how companies are driving inequality today by paying middle and lower wage employees less than they used to, and outsourcing work to cheaper part time contractors. I thought it was interesting in the context of the tax reform debate that we’re having today. Trump is meeting with his two White House aides who are former Goldman Sachs executives, as well as Republican congressional leaders to talk about tax reform. And the main plank of reform is bringing the corporate rate down from 35%. Trump wants 15%, Congress wants 20, 25. Whatever, they’re gonna pay for this — pay for some of it — cause they might not pay for all of it, might just blow up the deficit. But they wanna pay for some of it by possibly taxing workers’ 401(k) contributions, cutting home mortgage deductions, penalizing voters in the highest tax states like California and New York.

JL: By getting rid of the local and state deduction.

JF: Correct.

JL: So, I can’t believe that this dream team of- of Mnuchin, Cohn, Ryan, and McConnell landed on reducing corporate tax rates by increasing taxes on everybody else. The thing about this is so outrageous is, it actually also goes to their Medicaid cuts too. It is- it is so ideological to the point of being self-defeating. We actually do have a corporate tax rate problem in this country. I don’t care where the rate lands. But we have a jury-rigged Rube Goldberg contraption of lobbyist, financed tax breaks and loopholes that riddle the corporate tax rate, to the point where, even though we have a internationally high corporate tax rate, on average companies pay less, and then some companies pay zero, some companies pay the same rate. It’s really, really unfair. So, you wanna reform the corporate tax rate, that’s something that makes you really excited, more power to you. There is no reason whatsoever to pay for reduction in the corporate tax rate with money taken from the individual earners in this country. You wanna cut loopholes? Go crazy! Have a good time! But then you’re gonna pay for it by making people pay more taxes on their houses or pay more taxes on their retirement savings. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

JF: Seems like there’s a bigger issue here, which is the defining challenge of our time — that we have not been able- political challenge, economic challenge is that we do not have an economy that is providing for average workers. We have not figured out how to respond to globalization as a country. And what to do about companies that are outsourcing jobs, that are using automation technology, we’ve talked on Pod Save America a million times. We’re very comfortable saying that in the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton did not break through with an economic message that would’ve meant something for working people, right? And we sort of now, I read this story and I’m like, we sort of lose sight of the economic challenge at the heart of all of our political problems, with all these other Trump fights that we’re having right now. And for the longest time, the Republican party’s answer to that story about those two workers in different times working at Kodak and Apple is, ‘Everyone’s being strangled with regulations and high taxes and if we only lower regulation- cut regulations and lower taxes, everything will be fine.” We saw through the 2000s that’s not true, right? That didn’t work and the Bush administration –

JL: Yeah, they’ve- they’ve said growth would solve every problem and it doesn’t.

JF: And it didn’t. And there was always also a wink and a nod for the Republican party to, ‘Oh and by the way maybe immigrants are taking your jobs, too.’ Right? That was always the subtext. Now, that is the primary plank of Donald Trump’s campaign and administration, right? Donald Trump’s answer to that story, that New York Times story is, ‘Immigrants are taking your jobs and foreign workers are taking them when companies are outsourcing.’ That’s- that’s his- now, his prompt. But he still has this Republican party with Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell and his Goldman crew who are saying, ‘No, no, no, no, cut the corporate tax rate.’

JL: They- fundamentally, I think that the Republican party just does not recognize economic inequality as one of the great challenges in the economy. They- they view it as a problem, but they view it as a problem you can solve, again, with deregulation and growth. Except for Donald Trump, who ran on this nationalist platform. But at the same time, the Democratic party’s answers are- have been insufficient. You know, that was what I was thinking as I was reading this story and I actually was thinking of another story that came out over the weekend which is, the fact that on college campuses.

JF: Um hm.

JL: Most colleges now are employing huge numbers of adjunct professors, who are not full time, who don’t make as much as money, who are not on tenure track. And I found myself making a connection between the contracted janitors at Apple HQ and a young grad student who can’t get a job as a professor and people driving for ride-sharing companies, and then you look at what Democrats are offering and it- it’s at the kind of the end of this structural inequality, right? It’s- it’s earned income tax credits, and raising the minimum wage, and shifting to a more progressive tax system. Now, those are all really smart things to do. If you look at an economy that all the gains and all the rewards are going to the top- to the top earners and to the corporate, and to corporations like companies like Apple, sitting on tens of billions of dollars, trillions not invested in the economy. If you look at that and you say, ‘What we need to do is cut corporate taxes and- and widen the base, so you shift the burden of the- of taxes on to middle class people. That’s insane.’ But at the same time our answer is at the kind of mouth of the river. Like we’re not at the problem, which is what we do about the fact that a technologically sophisticated, globalized economy has left working people without the leverage that they used to have. And I was also, you know, the decline of unions is a part of this. The fact that we’re now- I think it’s down to 6.7% of – it was Labor Day — 6.7% of the private sector is now unionized. The lowest rate that it’s been in a hundred years. You can make a connection between rising economic inequality and the decline of unions in the private sector. So, we have these big structural forces: consolidation of- of companies into these behemoths that are not responsive either to their workers or to consumers, to automation that has made people more productive which means you need fewer employees. So, you know when the center left and the center right are failing to offer solutions to these fundamental problems, you have people like Donald Trump who can emerge from the wreckage and say, ‘All of your mistrust, all your anger, it’s fair. Here’s who you can point to with that.’

JF: So, what should Democrats do then? What’s the plan?

JL: You know, that’s a great question, Jon.

JF: [Laughing] There you go.

JL: Well no but- no but we’ve been talking, look we- you know you and I and Tommy we’ve- we’ve started this company and- and it’s- gave us this platform and we’re talking to people. People that we can sit down and have conversations with, and we put this question to a lot of different kinds of people. And the answers aren’t great. There’s a- you know, it’s- it’s really, really hard, but so it’s actually just something, you know, I am fascinated by this question because I think that- that answering this question is fundamentally the answer to how we can win in our politics but also just actually help people.

JF: I mean, seems like there’s only three — well as Democrats or people on the left in general — seems like we would say there’s three different components to fixing this problem. One is: making sure there are jobs that pay well for people, right? That seems to be almost the trickiest thing to legislate or to create a policy around. The second plank would be making sure that people have the skills and education to get the jobs that pay well. Now, I did some digging into the good old, ‘better deal’ plan. Which, again, part of the problem with ‘better deal’ is, you lead with the slogan, no one knows what’s in the deal. Everyone only knows there was an argument about the slogan. But if you look in there, they have tax incentives for employers that invest in work force training and education, apprenticeship for workers. Now, we can certainly argue over like, do tax incentives really make a difference? Or should we require apprenticeships and skills training and stuff like that. Whatever, we can have that debate. But it seems like you need some sort of robust program in this country where employers, or the government, or wherever, are offering people apprenticeships, training skills, just like- I mean that’s how that women at Kodak was able to become Chief Technology Officer. She got all these apprentice programs and skill training program. And the people that do succeed at some companies today are getting all those kinds of skills-based training. And then the third bucket of things is, making sure, and you know that you have all of- sort of, the safety net and the- and the benefits too, you know. Whether it’s vacation, child care, living wage, retirement, and perhaps we should be talking about our robust program for contractors, independent workers, part time employees so that they’re getting the same kind of benefits and guarantees that full time workers are getting in this country.

JL: Yeah, that- that’s interesting, yeah. So- so, stepping back from like- yeah, let’s look at those pieces. So, yes, you know, and this is why I think Bernie campaigning on universal college –

JF: Right.

JL: – was important- an important thing to happen for the Democratic debate. So, whether it’s apprenticeship programs that are funded by the government or that we make incentives for companies to do it themselves, you’re right, sort of training, universal higher education available to people.

JF: Um hm.

JL: I think that’s part of it. One other piece of this, by the way is immigration reform. Because getting people out of the shadows and legal is one of the ways you make sure that people aren’t being paid under the table- less. And you can see wages start to rise because pressure on wages at the bottom is a piece of this. The other part of it is consolidation of big companies.

JF: Big one. And that was in the better deal thing, too.

JL: That is in the better deal.

JF: And even people on the left applauded that as well. And I- and I do think consolidation is a huge- I mean, automation’s a tough one and we have not found any good answers on [laughing] the automation challenge.

JL: [Laughing] No, but we’re asking, we’re asking.

JF: But consolidation of companies is something the government can do something about and, in fact, many on the left, including our-us, would argue that government exists to do something about it.

JL: And this is one of those places where the left critique of the donor class having too much influence is really important because certain things become impossible to imagine, right? The breaking up of big companies that treat consumers like shit and don’t pay their employees enough because they’re monopolies, or monopolistic, or part of like a, you know trio of companies that are setting prices together and dividing up in the country into feudal manors, seems impossible when you’re raising money from all of these places. But I think we need to sort of widen the scope of what’s possible.

JF: Yeah.

JL: Yeah, and by- and you know, the union questions I think is a really hard one because the decline of private sector unions has- has had an impact. You know, you think about this you know, contractor who isn’t in charge of their hours and, by the way, this extends beyond sort of contractors to big companies. This is a problem for a lot of people — from Walmart, to Starbucks, to a lot of you know a lot of service economy jobs. You know it’s not just that they’re not making enough and the minimum wage isn’t high enough, people can’t count on their hours, they can’t count on a promotion. It does no- you know you can’t build a life when your shift is gonna be moved around. So, figuring out ways to protect people, and- and that can’t always come from the government. It’s very difficult for the government to regulate how a company sets its hours. I mean you can tell, you can maybe, I think Elizabeth Warren has a bill about making sure that there’s notice when people’s hours are shifted, I don’t really know the details honestly. But, that is about unions, that’s what unions used to do.

JF: Yeah.

JL: To make sure people got paid when they were- when they showed up to work, and that they could count on a reasonable day and a reasonable wage. So, you know these are really hard questions, and –

JF: Yeah.

JL: Donald Trump lying to people doesn’t fix them.

JF: Yeah. No, I mean, I brought up the story because this is the central challenge of our time. It is what is on voters’ minds, whether you voted for Trump or Clinton — or at least some people that voted for Trump, [Laughing] some people that voted for Clinton. It is a top issue on voters’ minds, what to do about the challenges of globalization? Donald Trump, we have said a million times, it’s no secret that we think he has no good and practical answers to this. We do not believe the Republican party, the establishment Republican party, has any good or practical answers for this.

JL: If anything, they make this- they make matters worse.

JF: And- and Democrats must find an answer in 2018, 2020, and beyond to this question. They need to think about Marta Ramos working at Apple and what we can do for her — why she would vote for a Democrat. You know, that’s what we need to think about. And we don’t spend enough time talking about it, so we started here. But we should- and you know every time we ask a Democrat who we have on the show, politician they say- they do the front end — automation, this is a problem, here’s the problems we have and we need good answers on that and so far, you know I think some of the- the roots of some of the answers are there. As we just went over. But I think we have not, we haven’t gotten there yet.

JL: Yeah, it’s- it’s…

JF: The be- seeds are there to start.

JL: Right, like- like this isn’t, like we’re not, I don’t think the answer to all these questions is gonna be some unknown giant single solution. It’s gonna be a collection of- it’s similar actually to climate change in that it seems insurmountable but then you look and you realize, actually it’s a collection of steps. Each one is possible and reasonable. But taken together makes a massive difference in people’s lives. And I think- I think that the better deal, for all the criticism that it got, was an important first step. I wonder how big of a deal we can make about monopolies and consolidation, how I- I have a ques- you know, I don’t know how much that will appeal to people. I know that everybody hates their cable company. And I know that everybody hates the airlines.

JF: Yeah.

JL: But I don’t know if that- if people can grab onto that. Because you know anyone who claims to think this is easy or that they are confident in their way to address these problems or even talk about these problems is not being honest.

JF: Yeah, well, hopefully we can have a good faith debate about this.

JL: I think, you know what, Jon, I think we already have started on.

JF: Let’s, let’s do- [laughing] now let’s go, now let’s go back to Twitter.

JL: [Inaudible] hashtag jobs.

[Laughter]

[THEME MUSIC IN BACKGROUND]

1:03:14.3

JF: Alright, that’s all the time we have for today.

JL: Is it?

JF: It is.

JL: That’s a shame.

JF: Yeah, we’ve gone on a little while now. Anyway, that’s all. Anything in the outro you wanna say?

JL I talked to Chuck D and Tom Morello on Lovett or Leave It.

JF: That was great! I loved the episode. I listened to it on the flight home yesterday.

JL: Lovett or Leave It’s coming along, guys. If you ever tracked it out in the wild [inaudible].

JF: [Laughter] It’s coming along.

JL: No, it wouldn’t- you don’t- look, you launch a show, you try, you learn. You know, I’ve never hosted a political chat show at a comedy club once a week and now I have and I like it.

JF: Okay.

JL: Jon, how are you?

JF: I’m great.

JL: The music is going. We’re in the outro.

JF: [Laughing] Are we?

JL: This is me procrastinating from going to work.

JF: Well, we have to go do some ads, now.

JL: Oh, yeah.

JF: Alright, we’re gonna go do ads. Bye, guys!

JL: End of show.

[Laughing]

01:03:54.6