#i think this may be my peak September moment

[bisxualbucky]

just made my new favorite soup tonight (lasagna soup!!!). and AND I made peach cobbler for dessert with farmer’s market peaches.

[wuucchoo]

i may have a lot of gripes about the manga, but i'll always be thankful that it did brought me out of my drawing slump - i had stopped drawing for a loooong while before this, but the character he made in megumi - and all the fanwriters and fanartist i've met along the way - inspired me to start drawing again. and of course im thankful for that!!

and i had a whole rant for how the manga went, especially with how megumi's character was handled. but i dont even want to think about those right now lmao - 'it is what is' so they say.

what i can say though is that i personally may have wanted to see megumi's domain completion, or him use his ct at its peak - but i think what his character is about is that he's more than what his ct could've been, and that him being alive and well is more than enough. that he is enough. him being alive and wanting to be alive is the character growth for him.

from the moment he was born all he had was the burden of his name, which his father (and gojo) freed him from. and then later on the burden of being born with a cursed technique that can rival limitless, which he is now free from as well - because he never cared about being the strongest, coz to him happiness is when he's living a normal life seeing the people he cares about happy. and while i do want to see more of megumi, i think i am happy with that conclusion.

i'll just take that for what it is and try and put megumi in the fluffy slice of life AU he has always wanted :)

anyway! this is the first megumi art i have ever made! ((i never posted this here for some reason :3 but i made this around november last year!))

and this is one of the latest megumi drawing i made! ((september 3))

i didnt improve much but megumi is probably the character that i have drawn the most, i love this fictional character so much - you dont understand. im not normal about him at all T-T

im gonna try and draw more of him like this:

and like this

and like this!!!

coz i wanna see more of megumi just living his life :')

((if anyone sees and reads this hello!! i hope you're having an amazing day! ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡))

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🩷🩵🤍 5 Days Until my Surgery 🤍🩵🩷

(Picture taken September 1, 2022)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 6 below the cut.

Part 1 here

Me and my partner got back together and got a place together and we still live in this apartment together 🥰 I also worked at worked at a local amusement park over the summer that had some fun but mostly was horrible due to angry customers that kept misgendering me and kids making fun of me 🙃 But also I'll say I had one of my most euphoric moment when this little girl pointed to her winged eyeliner and said "you're just like me!" Bc I also had winged eyeliner at the time 🥰

(Picture taken June 6th, 2022)

Also, if the last Era was the peak of my egirl era on twitter than this was the fall of my egirl era 📉

I remember reaching 10k followers and thinking "ok I have enough of a following to try to make money off this." It's what a lot of egirls on there did and as I stated above, I hated my job. I thought briefly about streaming and YouTube but I don't really have the personality for streaming and was too self-conscious of my voice to do YouTube. And there were a lot of sex workers on twitter that I knew, followed, and admired. And there was quite the market for trans sexual content. Also I wanted to basically be paid to look pretty all day 🤷‍♀️ So, I made a OnlyFans account and started promoting it.

(Picture taken May 9th, 2022)

And I quickly got shadow banned for it 😂 And frankly, I wasn't really meant for sex work. I'm not really a sexual person. I do enjoy sexual acts but doing them for money killed my drive for it. I made a few hundred dollars but I didn't make enough content for it to keep it up.

Also, the shadow banned revealed how unhealthy my relationship with Twitter was. My self worth would be highly dependent on how well my posts did that day (I was still posting pictures daily). And I was hypercritical of my picture quality and my physical features. And developed a bad habit of comparing myself to girls I considered prettier than me. And with the constant misgendering from work, I was at a big low 🥲

(Picture taken September 17th, 2022)

I remember this was when there was first talk about Elon buying Twitter and I was looking for an alternative and well... ended up here.

(Picture taken June 2nd, 2022)

I remember the idea between this pic was clothes and accessories that weren't explicitly queer but gave queer vibes.

Also talking about queerness, I also participated in a Drag Show! I played a mushroom fairy!

(Picture taken August 13th, 2022)

It was organized by this local queer nonprofit that did a lot in the community and was already a big part of my life but would become a bigger part of my life.

Also this was when I was done with the curly girl method. And I like how my hair looks like this and it's easier 🤷‍♀️

(Picture taken September 4th, 2022)

Also love how often I get used out of this mushroom beret 😁🍄😁 (which is why I have 2 pics with it on this post lol)

Also an update on my love life at this time. I at one point had 4 partners very briefly and was part of a polycule over over 22 people. I remember one of my metamours made a chart showing all the relationships and it was complicated 😅 Also it was mostly online. Like 2 of my partners were long distance relationships.

(Picture taken Oct 2nd, 2022)

Around my 23rd birthday, I decided to do what was best for my mental health and quit twitter. But I had two last pictures because I got them from some followers who bought me things from my Amazon wishlist I made for my birthday.

(Picture taken October 29, 2022)

This one would be useful for the next era. And you can see a small part of my large collection of plushies (which I have a project in mind for 👀)

(Picture taken on November 8th, 2022)

And this was the last picture I posted on Twitter before quitting at 36k followers. I had already stopped posting on it for awhile so you can imagine my surprise when I got a big pink teddy bear 😱 And for all the work I put into that account, I consider this a pretty good prize 🧸💕

I consider Tumblr my last attempt with having a healthy relationship with social media. If this account goes away, I'll probably be done with Social Media 🤷‍♀️ I think I'm getting better at breaking those bad habits I developed on Twitter while still trying to enjoy the art of dressing up and taking selfies. But, I don't know if I'll ever have the drive for it like I did during my twitter days.

With my summer job ending and twitter as a way to make a living out of the window you may be concerned with how I recovered but I got really lucky and I'll go into detail on that tomorrow 😁

[cdroloisms]

what's the one moment that was hinted at about the prison arc that you wished we had seen? - loyal

i am a simple simple cat literally any conversation of just sam + dream from any of the three following time periods:

early prison, anywhere between bad's visit and tommy's first visit. sam and dream both behave ... honestly peak strangely at this point in time and we don't get any definitive answers on what the fuck was going on behind the scenes, because after quackity got involved a lot of the focus recentered on quackity's visits. this is before they've really settled on who they'll be at the end and when the feeling of betrayal on both sides is definitely the freshest. thinking about Dream tried to swim in lava, thinking about the little games they played around the clock and the strange mix of fear and familiarity, thinking about how confident Sam had to be, to let Tommy in (I thought I had broken the will out of him...to do something like that) thinking about what the fuck happened at the end of Sapnap's visit. Awesam seems pretty upset with me, so… and Listen- Listen I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Because I know- I have to let you out of there. Because otherwise, Sam would cut off my visitors, he’ll feed me less, he’ll do those things…, and but, vice-versa the only person that Dream sees, 99% of the time, is Sam. And so Dream would become more and more willing to speak to Sam about different things that he probably wouldn’t have before as time goes by", and. AND.

after one of quackity's visits. kind of the one i want to see the least on the list, tbh, but as much as we've talked about the intersections of quackity and sam's roles in the prison and how sam and dream may have felt Some Kind Of Way about it, it would've been neat to see more of this in canon. we get a little bit of post-torture in the september stream, but you know. and well, the reliance, right. sam as the one talking to him after quackity visits, as the one trying to convince him to give up the book, the one promising relief ...

the time period after techno escapes. much like the first, where we don't actually see anything, only this time instead of a lot of things being hinted at that remain firmly behind closed doors, this time period is a total black box. we don't have ... anything, really, to go off of. techno is gone. so is quackity. it's just sam and dream in a box -- no visitors, no one to even know that he's alive. sam saved his life, sam might be all he has left. that awful mix of terror and gratitude, the glass ... the guards are there, at least, but dream doesn't talk to them (...the silence strike in sapnap's stream, and how sam reacts when he breaks it. the familiar question, did he say anything, and how we still don't know why dream was quiet in the first place, in either case.) sam intervenes and brings the food in, sometimes. there's so much of each other that only they have seen--it's no longer week one, week two of the prison. they are familiar to each other in ways that they perhaps arent anymore, to anyone else.

[moongothic]

Look I just had to get this out of my system man

I keep on thinking about what kind of theoretical hoops Crocodad would have to jump through to happen in canon and I figured being able to actually visualize the known timeline would help

And that's what this post is about. We have a visual of the timeline. Now let us think about it a whole lot.

Minor notes about the timeline graph; Luffy's birthday is on May 5th and Croc's is on September 5th, so both would get a +1 to their ages by the end of this year in the timeline. On this note, if I am not mistaken, the year Luffy was born Crocodile would've been 27 at the time of his birth and would then turn 28 a few months later. But this is assuming Crocodile is already, at this moment, 46 years old (as opposed to if he was only turning 46 this year in which case he would actually be 45 at this moment, which would further mean he would've been 26 at the time of Luffy's birth and would've turned 27. It's slightly hard to tell what the case is exactly since we don't really get those exact timestamps during the actual story, but I think he's supposed to be 46 turning 47, and that's the assumption this post is written with). (Further sidenote, according the Vivre Card Databooks (appearently), the Strawhats got to Whiskey Peak in February and by late March had obtained Thousand Sunny. Thing is that Luffy was implied to have left on his adventure around his 17th birthday, which would mean that 8-9 months would've passed between Luffy setting out and arriving at Whiskey Peak, and he would've been a few months away from turning 18 already. Which, like, is plausible, but I'm personally willing to ignore this trivia information, not gonna fucking lie)

Anyways, to recap the timeline

We don't know

When Crocodile set out to become a pirate; since he was present at Roger's execution I think the implication would be that he would've set out soon after that, at age 22, but it's entirely possible he might've already been a no-name pirate before that or he could've set out a few years after the execution

When he met Ivankov and if their meeting was like a one-and-done thing and that they never saw each other again until Impel Down, or if that's just when they first got to know each other. (In Iva's own words (in Japanese), they knew Crocodile "during the era when he was still considdered a rookie")

When he got humbled by Whitebeard; it was "soon after" he became a Shichibukai (in Oda's words), but we can't tell if that was like 2 days or 10 months after becoming a Shichibukai

What we do know is that

Crocodile made a name for himself fast "much like Luffy" (in Oda's words); you could interpret that as him causing just a ton of chaos within like a year of entering the Grand Line

He rose to fame and became a Shichibukai in the first half of his 20's (in Oda's words), so before he turned 25?

He supposedly "calmed down" / "went quiet" (again, in Oda's words) for an unknown period of time

By the time he was 30 he was appearing on the news for his heroics; we don't know when he started appearing on the news, just that by this point he was appearing on the news

So I believe the implication is that Crocodile set out on his adventure between the ages of 21-24. If you wanted to push the Crocodad angle, you might want to push it to that 24 (since his Rookie Adventure happened so fast), which would also be around the time of the Revolutionary Army's founding. And while it is entirely plausible Crocodile could've had his ass kicked by Whitebeard VERY soon after his promotion, or it could've been around the time he was like 25-26, if you really wanted to push it for the Crocodad angle. And indeed, we don't know how Crocodile and Iva-chan knew each other. The implication I think is that he transitioned before he rose to fame as a rookie, but he could've just befriended Iva-chan at the time and gotten more well acquainted with the Revolutionaries after his ass kicking and transitioned later. It would just push the "knew him in the era he was considdered a rookie" to an absolute limit, but it would be technically true, just. Kinda pushing it.

And indeed, the Problem Point; Crocodile would've transitioned at age 27 after having Luffy, already a Shichibukai, a public-ish figure.

So if you wanted Crocodad to be canon, either

A) Crocodile being trans isn't a secret, it's something else that Iva-chan tried to blackmail him with B) Crocodile being trans is a secret, so how the fuck did he keep it if he transitioned at 27

If A); Indeed, if there was a scandal about a Shichibukai suddenly transitioning, it would've been like 17-19 years ago. Arguably that would not be something worth bringing up by anyone anymore considdering he had spent at least the past 14 years (pre-timeskip) being a hero to the masses, followed by his warcrimes. Like, it'd be old news. Which would just leave us wondering what the hell the "weakness" Iva-chan mentions really was about (a child, maybe? Or a threat of detransitioning him? Something else?)

If B); Although he was clearly a menace as a rookie as he got himself a relatively massive bounty relatively fast and became a Shichibukai at a young-ish age, we don't know how many bounties he went through before he was offered the position and how he appeared on the news at the time. Like if he went through 2-6 bounty updates before becoming a Shichibukai and appeared in the news A TON it'd feel unlikely he'd be able to keep transitioning later a secret. But if he only had like 1-2 bounties in a short span of time without being photographed too much, it'd definitely feel more plausible. Especially if his OG bounty photos were either shitty sketches (like Sanji's OG poster) or like otherwise poor photos that didn't show his face/features too well. This could also be helped if pre-T (and pre-pregnancy hormones)!Crocodile was kind of androgynous (like Cavendish) and people confused him for a man to begin with On top of this, if Crocodile lost his left hand and got his scar from Whitebeard, if he just went "missing" and then came back transitioned 2-4 years later, he could maybe argue that he was like. A late bloomer. And had hit the gym after Whitebeard kicked his ass. Like yeah he had changed a lot but it's not like there's other Sand Sand Fruit users around claiming to be Crocodile. And it is worth reminding that Iva-chan ability to change people's bio-sex isn't super well known in-universe. So even if people saw him on the news and were like "wait wasn't Crocodile a chick", without knowledge of Iva's abilities people could've been like "no way, surely not, that's not possible". And although the Government maybe could've found it suspicious if they knew about Iva's abilities (which they might've, as Ivankov was a Revolutionary, and their Warlord interacting with a Revolutionary would be sus), as long as Crocodile played nice (which he did, during his Heroic Era) they might've just let it go? (Also if Crocodile was rich at the time he probably could've bribed Morgans to make sure whatever news they published about him didn't ever question his gender or anything)

So all of this to say,

The Most Likely and Most Viable Timeline for Crocodad to be canon would be, approximately;

24-25 Becomes a Shichibukai, gets his ass kicked

25-27 Enters his Quiet Era, Romances Dragon

27-28 Luffy is born, transitions, back to Shichibukai'ing

Of course, this is not an absolute timeline, it's just the one that seems the most viable to me. 'Cause even this timeline is really pushing what Oda and Iva have told us about Crocodile, both the "first half of his 20's" (as opposited to mid 20's), and the "when he was considdered a rookie".

It's pushing it. But it's kind of plausible. And I can't imagine how else it could work in canon.

I do find it interesting though how Crocodile's "quiet era" does overlap nicely with when Luffy was born. Like we don't know how long that era lasted, for all we know Crocodile could've started to get Alabasta like a year after getting his ass kicked by Whitebeard. But it's interesting! And interesting coincidence!

Another interesting note is that 17 is an... interesting number. Like Oda's first one-shot, WANTED! was published when Oda was 17 and that in some ways marks the begining to his adventure as a comic artist. Similarly, Luffy set out on his adventure at the age of 17. A lot of people have been speculating if the God Valley Incident is what caused Dragon to leave the Marines because he would've been 17 at the time. And... It's not quite the same, but if Crocodile transitioned at 27 (as in, started a 'new life', a 'new adventure' as a man at 27)... IDK it'd be an interesting coincidence

Sitenote Re:Missing Kuja Empress

19 years ago, the year Luffy was born, Hancock and her sisters were kidnapped off of the Kuja Pirate's ship when the previous Empress was still the head of the crew

15 years ago the Boa sisters escape slavery and return to Amazon Lily, the status of the former Empress is unknown

13 years ago Hancock becomes the new Empress, the former Empress is presumably dead by this point (as she is said to have died from Love Sickness)

Point being; I reaaally doubt Crocodile is the missing Empress. Like if the former Empress had also been a Shichibukai and had transitioned and was still around, there's no fucking way people wouldn't know about that, right. Like surely they wouldn't say she had died specifically of Love Sickness, right. Like it's not impossible but surely not

[lulubelle814]

In Every Life - Part 1

Summary: Two souls destined for each other, but life has other plans. Will they find each other and have their happy ending?

In Every Life

Masterlist

It was late September of 1883 when they met.  Some would call it kismet.  Others destiny.  The miserable ones would call it coincidence. He needed to go into London for a few weeks to work on some business prospects and handle some estate matters with his lawyer.  Lucille stayed back as she did not care to leave home but was not happy to be without her brother for so long. 

Josephine and her mother were on their way to the hospital when she had a sudden dizzy spell, causing her to fall to the street but found herself saved by a beautiful stranger, rescuing her from being hit by a carriage riding too close to the sidewalk.

"Are you alright?" her mother inquired.

"I'm alright mother, thanks to this kind gentleman." She was shy and blushing, unbelieving that she made a fool of herself in front of this handsome man. 

Her mother looked at him, thanking him profusely. "You may have saved her life, mister…."

"Sharpe, Thomas Sharpe, baronet, madame."

"Thank you so very much, Lord Sharpe. I am Victoria Morrow, and this is my daughter, Josephine. How can I ever repay you?"

His words failed him as he locked eyes with Josephine. In that moment, he felt as if there was something linking his heart to hers.  His heart, nay his soul, screamed to not let this beguiling creature to depart from him.  

Unbeknownst to him, Josephine was similarly affected. 

He responded to her mother without looking away from Josephine.  "There is no need, madame. I am more than happy to assist."  Josephine smiled at him causing his heart to skip with joy.  "If it is not too forward, might you be available for dinner this evening Ms. Josephine?" He held his breath, praying she would accept his offer. 

The way her name rolled off his tongue could soothe an angry lion, and she would do anything to hear him say it again.  Looking at her mother for approval before answering, she said, "I would love that." They let him know where they were staying, advising he would pick her up at 7 pm.

That evening, he arrived promptly on time, having arranged a carriage to drive them to a nice restaurant he knew nearby. His breath escaped him as she descended the stairs, thinking her to be an angel descended from the heavens in a beautiful dark blue dress.  “You look breathtaking.”

Josephine found her heart beating so loud thinking he must be able to hear it.  Blushing, she reminded herself to breathe before taking his arm.  “Thank you Lord Sharpe.”

“Thomas, please.”  He wanted nothing more than to run away with her to some far off place or at least back to his home.  

She nodded.  “Thomas.  You look very dapper yourself.”

She scolded herself.  ‘Dapper?  That’s the best you can come up with?’

“Shall we?”  He held out his arm which she took.  He aimed towards the door, and she followed him, a willing captive.  When entering the carriage, it took all his strength to tell the driver to take them to the restaurant rather than what his head and heart were telling him.

At dinner, they exchanged stories. He told her the joke about why his estate is called Crimson Peak.

"That sounds extraordinary."

"It is fascinating but sometimes also a bit macabre when someone walks around and leaves what looks like bloody footprints."

"That must be a sight to behold. Oh how I wish I could see that." She froze. She had not meant to be so bold and admit that last part, but he simply smiled and said, "I would love for you to see it. You are most welcome to come observe the sight any time you wish."

She felt a bit relieved. They continued to talk and walked leisurely back to her hotel as they did not want the night to end. 

"I would very much like to see you again tomorrow, if that is alright?"  He didn't want to let her go, yearning to whisk her back to Allerdale as his. 

"I would like that as well. My mother and I have an appointment, but we should be back by 1."

"1 o'clock it is. I look forward to it." He smiled, taking her hand in his and placed a kiss across her knuckles before departing. 

Arriving at her room, she found her mother was pulling out the metallic syringe and an opaque bottle of liquid. "Did you have fun?"

She smiled and nodded. "He's wonderful and incredibly kind. He has asked to see me again tomorrow when we get back.”

"I see no problem with that at all, my dearest daughter, but it’s time for your medicine."

Josephine was not a fan of needles, but her mother insisted it would help with her deteriorating health.

When she awoke the next day, the front desk brought flowers that had been delivered early that morning. 

My Dearest Josephine,

These flowers pale in comparison to your beauty. I very much look forward to seeing you again today. 

Sir Thomas Sharpe

She placed them by her bedside, smiling like a loon. Her left hand began to shake and held it with her right to help control the tremors.

The visit at the hospital took longer than anticipated as they wanted to run a few tests to get a diagnosis as they felt they were close. By the time they arrived back at their hotel, it was half past 1.

Thomas waited patiently in the lobby. He had not been to the hospital much but knew appointments of any nature could run longer than expected.  When she arrived flustered, he tried to give an air of calm and understanding. 

"I'm so sorry."

"It's quite alright. No need to explain. If you need to take a moment to freshen up, I am happy to wait."

Josephine appreciated his offer and went up to her room to fix herself quickly and was back down ten minutes later. She was sure to wear a dress with a larger skirt to help hide the tremors in her legs that were becoming more frequent.

He took her to a shop that prepared a picnic basket for them which they took to a nearby park. He laid everything out on the blanket, and they spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company, talking about various things such as nature, science, hopes, dreams.  Before they knew it, evening fell upon them, the picnic food gone hours before. 

"Would you like me to escort you back to your hotel?"

She felt a pang of disappointment, not wanting to leave just yet. As if he could read her mind, "or, perhaps, we could get some dinner?"

Thomas wasn't ready to take her back but feared she might be tired of him. He hoped she might accept his second offer, his heart almost refusing to beat.

"Dinner sounds delightful."

Internally, he breathed a sigh of relief, his heart relieved.  As she went to stand up, the tremors began again, causing her to lose her footing; however, Thomas caught her before she fell to the ground.  She tried to brush it off.  “I’m so sorry.  My legs must have fallen asleep.”  She smiled.  “Not to worry.  I’ll help you to the restaurant.  It’s nearby.”  She took his arm, using it to steady herself, trying her best to ignore the looming headache.

They continued to enjoy one another's company through dinner and dessert, not realizing the late hour while looking at the stars in the park until they arrived back at her hotel to her frantic mother who calmed the moment she saw her daughter was with Sir Thomas. 

"Thank you so much for escorting my daughter. It appears she had a lovely time." This caused Josephine to blush profusely. 

"My apologies for keeping her so late. I do so much enjoy spending time with her."  He couldn't help but shyly smile as he spoke.   “If your mother permits, I would love to see you again.”

“That would be lovely,” she said, trying to hide the pain from her headache that seemed to only be getting worse.

“Would tomorrow be too soon?”  He was hopeful she’d agree.  It was too soon, but if he could, he would see her every day; however, he did not want to scare her, unsure if she felt the same.  Little did he know, she did.  As much as she loved her mother, she wanted adventures with him.  She’d run off with him at that very moment if she weren’t worried about leaving her mother alone.  Maybe he’d allow her to come with them?  Or would he disappear when learning of her declining health? ‘No, Josephine.  You mustn’t let your heart get ahead of your mind.  Perhaps he merely wants company while he is in town.’

Taking her hand, he turned it, kissing her palm and felt her hand shaking a bit but brushed it off, believing she was likely as nervous as he.  

Arriving back to her room, her mother was ready to give the next dose of medicine.  “Do we have to, mother?  How many more of these treatments must I endure?”

Her mother approached with caution.  “It is only for your benefit.  Do you not wish to be well?”

She sighed in defeat.  “Yes, mother.  It’s just that the treatments have become more difficult to handle.  I just want to be well and hope the doctors here can find a solution.”

“I am sure they will, but in the meantime, you need to continue this course of treatment.  The doctors have not been opposed to it, and I feel it has slowed down at the least.  I am truly sorry for how difficult this has been for you, but it’s not any easier watching you be forced to endure.  You are a strong, capable woman.  As your mother, I only want to see you succeed.”

Josephine relented and allowed her mother to administer the needle treatment.

“I must also say this.  Sir Thomas seems like a capable young man, but I am not sure he is right for you.  I fear he may take advantage of you due to your health.  I do not believe I can abide his visits much longer.  I want to see you happy, but I also want you to be safe.”  She put the needle away with the future treatments, placing them in the drawer of her nightstand.

She rubbed her arm at the injection site, momentarily forgetting her headache.  “I know, mother, but there is just something about him that I cannot explain.  I feel connected to him on a spiritual level, and if he were to propose tomorrow, I would say yes, but….”

Sitting on her bed, her mother looked nervous.  “But what, Josephine?”

“But I fear leaving you alone.  Father passed so long ago, and I do not want you to feel as if I am attempting to abandon you, but I feel I must follow my heart.  I am hoping, perhaps, that if he does propose, that you may come to live with us.  I know.  I’m getting ahead of myself.  Just wishful thinking.”

Her mother moved over next to her, holding her from the side.  “Darling daughter.  I am in awe of your desire to see me happy, and I feel the same for you.  I just………..want you to be safe.  The thought of you running off with that man scares me.  There is just something about his countenance I cannot trust.  I mean, what do we really know about him?”

She knew her mother was right.  She was always right, but something in the back of her mind said her mother was wrong about this.

As he walked back to his hotel, he could not stop thinking about the feel of her hand, the honeysuckle smell drifting off her hair.  He knew what needed to be done.  Once back in his room, he pulled out a pen and parchment.

My Dearest Sister,

Please forgive my neglect of you. I have been so thoroughly occupied of late, and have so very much to tell you. Foremost, that I send you my love and sincerest well wishes for you in my absence.  All is well here, I have been meeting with Mr. Westridge regarding the estate. He has been kind enough to assist in clarifying the terms of the paperwork so we have nearly concluded our business; however, I must confess that, while I do miss you, I am not eager to return home just yet.

I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting a most outstanding lady.  Her name is Josephine.  She is here in town with her mother.  With her mother’s permission, I escorted her to dinner.  She is such a remarkable woman.  She gazes fondly at the stars as if they were her dearest friends.   I showed her the constellations of Perseus and Andromeda, telling her their tale.  Dear sister, I would slay every beast in the world just to stand in her presence.

She adores reading the poets and makes spirited defenses and criticisms of every page she consumes.  She listens tirelessly to my myriad mechanical ramblings and discusses my ideas with a curious and open mind. Never has a woman taken such an intellectual interest in my work. I must admit that while her face caught my attention, it was her mind that has kept my interest.  

Oh, how I wish you were here to help guide me through this.  The very sight of her makes my heart flutter.   This strange feeling is beyond my comprehension, yet I do not wish for it to dissipate.  What must I do, dear sister?  Please, I beg for your guidance in this matter.

Your loving brother,

Thomas

Sealing the letter, he called upon the front desk to have the letter delivered to his sister, eager for a response as he was eager for his sister’s council.  They ensured him that short of unexpected, disastrous weather, they would have the letter delivered post haste.

While a cold cloth to her forehead helped alleviate her headache, Josephine suffered another night of unrest.  Rather than toss and turn, she quietly took out her diary to write, always addressing her entries to her father as it helped her feel close to him even though she never had the opportunity to meet him as he passed shortly after she was born.

Dear Father,

I must tell you of the noble gentleman who came to my rescue yesterday.  His name is Sir Thomas Sharpe.  I felt faint and began to stumble, but he saved me before I could be injured.  Dearest father, he is an angel, both in action and countenance.  When our eyes met, I knew in that instant he was my soulmate.

I know you never truly believed in soulmates and love at first sight, but I felt whole for the first time in my life.  I thought for so long that the missing piece of my soul occurred when you passed.  I realize now that the missing piece was him.  The cracks running deep to my core now feel as if they are mending each time we meet.

Father, I know you would approve of him.  We share similar interests.  He loves to read, star gaze, dance, and invent.  Yes!  He’s an inventor!  His mind creates these extraordinary ideas for machines.  His latest idea is for one that would make the harvesting of clay easier and more efficient with less likelihood for injury to the workers.  I find myself completely fascinated when he spoke of it

My first hesitation is mother.  I do not wish for her to feel abandoned.  She seemed amenable to come with me to Thomas’ estate, should he propose.  I have only known him for two days, but I would marry him at this very moment should he ask.  I do not care if he has money or not.  If he does not have an estate then the ground where we lay would become our home and the stars our blanket.

My second hesitation is my health.  I have not yet told him of my ailments and am afraid to do so.  My fears tell me he will reject me, not wanting an ill spouse, but my soul tells me he will not care.

I know not else how to describe this feeling, but I cannot deny it.  Mother reminds me that a lady does not openly express her feelings to a gentleman.  I wish you could meet him, see him as I do, but I know you watch over me.  

I also fear that I have created this imaginary scene in my mind, that my heart has overruled my mind to the point where I live in fantasy.

I beg of you for your help, courage, and wisdom to know what to do.  I miss you so much.

Your loving daughter,

Josephine

Putting her journal away, she climbed back into bed.  It was another hour before she was finally able to sleep.  

The following morning, Thomas readied himself, going by the florist first.  Looking for the perfect flowers, he looked for ones that might be worthy of her presence.  Once he found them, he paid the proprietor and left swiftly to her hotel and waited for her patiently in the lobby.

Josephine was lost in a fitful slumber, but her mother was awake and ready, knowing Sir Thomas would be arriving shortly.  Descending the stairs, she saw him holding the most beautiful flowers she had ever seen.

“Good morning Ms. Morrow!  How are you this fine morning?”  The joy in his face was evident to any who saw him.

“Good morning, Lord Sharpe!  I am well, but I’m afraid Josephine is still resting.  Her rest was very troubling last night, which is to be expected.”  

“I am so sorry to hear that, but I do hope she is well.  Do you know when she might awaken?”  He was very eager to see her.

“I could not say, but I do not wish to disturb her as her health has been poor, especially as of late.  I will ensure she receives these.”  

When she put her hands forward, he hesitated.  “I would be happy to wait until she is awake as I would live to give these to her myself.  I must confess.  I am eager to see her again.”  He wanted to see her so much, even if for a moment.  

“I cannot say when she may awaken and feel well enough for a visitor, but I assure you I will take these directly upstairs.”  Reluctantly, he handed her the bouquet.  

“I thank you for doing so.  If there is anything I might do to aid in her recovery, please do let me know.  I am very……..fond of her.”  He could not help but blush.

“You are too kind, Lord Sharpe.  We are fond of you as well.”  He smiled at her response.  

“Please do not hesitate to call upon me should there be anything I can do to assist in her recovery.”

He waited until Ms. Morrow disappeared up the stairs and out of view before taking his leave.

As her mother returned, she found her daughter to be awake and brushing her hair.  Turning at the sound of the door, she saw the flowers her mother held.  “Those are the loveliest flowers I have ever seen!  Where did you find them?”

Her mother walked over to the vase in their room, discarding the old flowers and placing the new ones in there with some water.  “A handsome gentleman gave them to me.  They are pleasing, are they not?”

“They truly are, and you deserve them.  You have been so kind and helpful with my health.  It’s the least you deserve.  I do hope he calls upon you again.”  Josephine turned around and continued to brush her hair.  She was feeling exceptionally unwell this morning but did not want to alarm her mother, keeping her thoughts to herself.  

As her mother went to place the flowers in a vase with some water, she removed the ribbon from the stems, placing it aside as a keepsake.  “I communicated your increasingly poor health to the hospital.  They recommended bed rest and valerian tea until your next appointment in 3 days.”

Disappointed, she returned to her bed, already plotting her escape.  She could not stand to be cooped up, preferring the fresh air and sunshine, or the stars at night.  In the meantime, she placed her head on the pillow, knowing she could use some more rest.

That was two days ago.  Thomas paced back and forth around his rooms wondering what to do, how he could capture even a glimpse of her.  Perhaps he could return back to her hotel in the evening with more flowers?  Or would more flowers be too much?  Maybe a new pair of gloves?

Then it occurred to him.  He knew exactly what she would like, departing for the desired object he had seen just the other day.  When he exited his hotel, he looked around to realize it was later than he thought, not having realized he had been pacing around his room for hours.

Holding himself back from running, he reminded himself of social protocol, trying to keep an acceptable pace as there was no emergency.  Upon arriving at his desired location, he spoke with the shopkeeper, describing the item he was looking for.  The shopkeeper knew exactly what he was describing.  “Would you like me to wrap it for you sir?”

Thomas smiled.  “I would be most grateful.  I am very grateful for your help.”  Pausing for a moment, he had another idea.  “Might you have a piece of parchment and ink I might use?”  

The shopkeeper smiled and retrieved the requested items.  “This must be for someone very special.”  Thomas smiled back at him.  “Yes, for someone very dear and precious.”  It took him a few moments, but the words finally came to him.

My Dearest Josephine,

Words fail me to accurately portray the bewildering spell you have cast upon me with your beauty and intellect.  I hope this may help convey what I am unable to express.  For I am unable to retain a singular thought when simply near you.  I yearn to see you.  To simply breathe the same air as you is a privilege that not even God himself is worthy.

I pray you can accept this humble token from an unworthy man such as myself.

Yours Always,

Thomas

Gently folding the note, he placed it inside before the shopkeeper who then safely wrapped the item, securing it with twine.  Holding it carefully, he departed.  

As he neared her hotel, he noticed a woman become unsteady, falling to the ground and hurriedly made his way to assist her.  

“Madam, are you alrigh………Josephine?”  Her face was contorted in pain.  “What is wrong?  What can I do?”  She could hear his voice off in the distance; however, she was more focused on her prevailing issue as her extremities continued to tremble. Lifting her bridal style, he started towards the hospital.  

She turned to look at him.  “Thomas?”  She sounded weak.  “Dear Josephine!  Do not worry.  I will get you to the hospital posthaste.”

She placed a hand on one of his lapels.  “Please no, not the hospital.”

“But you are unwell.  You must see a doctor!  If nothing else, I should take you back to your hotel to rest.  You cannot be out here in your state.”

“I beg you. Please do not take me back, at least not yet.  Can we delay a little?  Perhaps sit on a bench at the park?  I yearn for fresh air and sunshine.”

He could not deny her request, heading for the park nearby as she leaned her head on his shoulder.  Gently placing her on the bench, he sat next to her.  She held onto his arm.  To provide her better support, he wrapped an arm around her, finding her leaning into him.  They stayed like that for sometime, receiving odd looks from passersby.  Finally, Thomas broke their peaceful quiet.

“Darling Josephine.  If I might implore, what is ailing you?”

This was it.  She was about to be confronted with her fear of his rejection of her due to her health.  “I’m afraid, Thomas.” she turned her face up to look at him.

“What are you afraid of, my dear?”

there was nothing she could do to hide or deny it any longer.  “I have been unwell for sometime.  Mother thought it best to come to London to see if the doctors might know what is affecting my health.  No one has been able to uncover the cause.  They’re only able to treat the symptoms.”

Thomas listened attentively as she looked away and continued.

“The doctors here have hope for a diagnosis and solution.  In the meantime, mother has been administering medicine to help me, but I fear it might not be working well enough.”  

“Why have you not told me of this before?”  His worry increased, not wanting her to suffer.

“I’m afraid you might not want to see me anymore.  No one wants to be saddled with an ill person.”

Placing his finger under her chin, he guided her face back towards his.  “My dearest darling Josephine.  Nothing could change how I feel about you.”

She blushed and attempted to bury her face in his chest, but he would not allow her to do so.  “If God himself told me I had to choose between you and the heavens, I would dwell happy as a dead man in hellfire for having known you.”

She could not help a tear or two from falling.  “Please, Thomas, do not take pity on me.  I could not bear it.”

Using the back of his finger, he wiped them away.  “Please do not cry.  I am not worthy of your tears.”

He brushed some falling hair out of her face, and she leaned her face into his palm as he did so, yearning to stay close to him.  A gust of cold wind fell upon them, and she began to shiver.  Against society propriety, he removed his coat and placed it around her to help keep her warm.  She confided in him her desire to be a dancer.  “I’ve always wanted to dance, but my health never allowed it.”

“One day, you will dance.  We will dance, even if I have to sweep you off your feet and hold you while I carry you around the dance floor.  Come, love.  We must get you back to your hotel for some rest.”  She agreed but found she was still unable to walk.  The tremors were affecting her more and more as time moved on.  Seeing her distress, he picked her up bridal style once again and moved towards her hotel.  As he carried her, she found herself warming between his coat and their close proximity, allowing his calming scent to envelop her.

They arrived at her hotel moments later, finding her mother running frantically down the stairs.  “Where have you been?  Are you alright?”

Josephine nodded, looking up at Thomas.  “I needed some air and fell, but Thomas rescued me.”

“We need to get you back to bed.”  Thomas began towards the stairs but was stopped by her mother.  “It is not appropriate for you to be in her room.  I can help her back to our rooms.”

He looked back at Josephine, not wanting to leave her in such a state, but Josephine knew once again that her mother was right.  He placed her down gently, her mother moving to help support her.

“Thank you again for rescuing me, Thomas.”  She gave him a weak smile, her energy still draining and began to remove and return his coat, but he stopped her. 

“No, my dear Josephine.  Please use it to keep yourself warm.  I can come back and retrieve it tomorrow or the day after when you are feeling better.”

He leaned forward to wrap his coat back around her, using the moment to whisper so that only she could hear.  “There is something in the pocket for you.”

She looked at him and smiled once more.  “Thank you again, Sir Thomas.  You have been most kind.”

He stayed and observed to help ensure her and her mother had no problems ascending the stairs, not leaving until well after they were out of sight.

Arriving back at his hotel, he found there was a letter and small package awaiting him.  Seeing his sister’s hand writing, he swiftly took the items to his room, eager to read her response.

Darling Brother,

I am beyond delighted to receive your letter.  What you describe in your letter is nothing short of love.  I have been worried for so long to find someone worthy of your time and attention, to be a partner, a friend, and a confidante.

She sounds to be the most exquisite creature.  It warms my heart with how you talk of her.  I have never heard you speak of anyone in such a manner, not even your childhood love, Angelica.  

From what you’ve told me of her, it appears she feels the same as you.  The only guidance I can give you is this.  Your heart already knows what to do and will not lead you astray.  All you need now is to listen to it.

I have enclosed mother’s ring.  While it is ghastly, use it to purchase a ring for my future sister.  Go, dear brother, and ask her to be your Andromeda.

Your loving sister,

Lucille

He knew she was right, always providing the truest insight and finest guidance.  In all the times he thought he was falling in love, none compared to his affection for Josephine.

Opening the small package, he found their mother’s ring encased in an intricately carved jewelry box.  While the box was beautiful, he agreed with his sister that the ring was frightful.  Gazing at the ring, he pondered where to go.  Placing the ring on the desk, he decided to begin his search for the perfect ring the next day.  All night, his mind stirred with ideas of how to ask his dear Josephine to be his Andromeda once a worthy ring was found..

Back at her hotel, Josephine placed Thomas’ coat over the back of her chair and bided her time to check the inner pocket until her mother had fallen asleep.  As she climbed into bed, her mother brought her nightly remedy.  Not wanting to anger her mother, she gripped the bedsheet tightly as the needle was administered in her other arm.  

As the needle and bottle were put away, Josephine noticed the flowers again by her mother’s bedside.  Whomever sent those must truly be enamored, and it delighted her heart, giving her hope that her mother would finally find someone.

She gently turned over to see her mother gazing at the flowers once more.  “Mother?  I am so sorry to have worried you like that.  It was not my intention to cause any harm.”

Looking back to her daughter, the smile on her face dropped as she prepared the valerian tea.  “You know, daughter.  I only wish the best for you.  The instructions from the doctors are only for your betterment.”

Although crestfallen, she knew her mother was right, as always.  “I’m just so tired of doctors and hospitals.”

“I know you are, my daughter.  I wish I could make it all go away, but they are necessary.  The physicians here seem to have better ideas on how to help you, and we must let them do it.”

She knew there was nothing else to say.  Taking the tea from her mother, she drank it without complaint, falling asleep soon after.

Waking up to the sound of song birds, Thomas yearned to see his beloved.  Taking the time to bathe and dress, he decided to surprise her at her hotel and take her to breakfast. Taking the ring, he placed it in his breast pocket.  

Swiftly arriving at her hotel, he inquired with the desk clerk if she was awake.  Having one of the staff check, it was only moments before Ms. Morrow arrived downstairs.

“Sir Thomas!  How delightful to see you this morning.”  

“Ms. Morrow, it is a pleasure to see you.  I was hoping to take your daughter to breakfast?  If it’s already with you, that is.”

“I’m so sorry, Sir Thomas.  She is still slumbering and will not be awake for a while, but I would be delighted to join you.  This would be an opportune time to get to know one another.  I feel that we may be spending more time together in the near future.”

He smiled, trying to hide his disappointment in not seeing his darling.  “That would be most wonderful, Ms. Morrow, and a most excellent idea.”

Taking his arm, she led him out of the hotel.  “Please, call me Victoria.  I insist.”  They arrived at a restaurant just minutes later, being seated without hesitation.  They discussed hobbies and interests.  He asked questions about Josephine’s upbringing, wanting to know her better.

“To be honest, she was never a well child.  Her father passed when she was an infant, and I took the burden of being mother, father, and nursemaid.”  She proceeded to tell him how her daughter’s health has been poor since she was little and has steadily declined over the years.  “I’ve had to play nursemaid by myself.”

They chatted away a while longer before Thomas escorted her back to her hotel, taking his leave in search of a prize.

Going from store to store, he felt more and more despondent.  The staff at each store tried to be helpful, but nothing was good enough for his dear Josephine.  Before returning to his rooms for the evening, he tried one last store: Hatton Garden.  The gentleman behind the counter introduced himself as Harold.  Harold was not much to look at, a short balding man in his fifties, but he had an immense talent for helping people find the perfect piece.  He showed him his mother’s ring, hoping he could sell it to purchase a ring fit for a goddess.

“Tell me about your fair lady.”  This was his trick, to use how the person felt about their beloved and match it to a ring.

“She is the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld.  Her eyes are blue like the ocean and sparkle like the finest stars in the sky.  She loves poetry and astronomy.  She is like no other I have ever met before.  I want to find something unique and individual that will compliment her beauty and show that she is nothing short of a queen among peasants.”

Harold smiled.  Never before had he heard such an elegant description of a fine young lady, and he knew exactly the ring for her.  Retrieving it, he placed it delicately on the counter.

This was the ring.  THE ring he had been searching for.  The smile on his face told Harold he had chosen wisely.

“May I see the one you brought in?”  Thomas placed his mother’s old ring on the counter.  “Unfortunately this is all I have, but I cannot give her a ring that does not befit her beauty.”  Harold picked it up to inspect it.  Taking out his jeweler eyepiece, he looked closely at the stone and inspected the silver holding the gem.

“I hope you do not find me impertinent, but this setting does not do justice for such a fine ruby stone.”  He looked at it further before placing it back on the counter. 

“Not at all.  To be honest, I find the ring itself ghastly, but I know it must be worth something.”

While the setting itself was considered junk these days (it was made mostly of cheap aluminum), the stone was worth something; however, the value fell short on the cost of Thomas’ chosen ring.  There was something about him he only rarely saw in others who came to him for help and came to a decision.  This young lady described sounded not only enchanting but also one of the only women worthy of a ring like this.  While the gentleman in front of him would not be able to pay the actual cost of the ring, he wanted to help him.

 “I do believe we can come to an agreeable arrangement.”  Harold described the value of the stone in the ring brought to him.  While he could not use the current setting, he could have a new setting created that would be more appealing and appropriate for the stone.  “You came on a most auspicious day, my boy.  For today is the only day this particular ring is on a special sale.”  He told Thomas that with the sale price of the ring, it would match the amount he would pay for the ring Thomas brought in.  “In fact, I would be most glad to exchange the ring you brought to me for this one.  It is most fortunate you arrived this evening.”

Thomas was elated, finally having found the perfect ring for his (hopefully) future wife.  Harold included a ring box befitting such a ring.  To avoid theft, he placed the ring box in his breast pocket where the previous one resided.

“I cannot thank you enough, sir.  You have been a tremendous help!”  Harold gave him well wishes as he departed.

It was late in the day, perhaps too late to call upon his dear Josephine.  Regardless, he walked to her hotel, stopping in front and peering up to what he believed to be her window.  He had to stop himself from running inside, up the stairs, and to her room.  He didn’t care that her health was poor and would take any time God would grant him, be it years, months, days, or even minutes and would love and take care of her.  

Before the constable could be called, Thomas went back to his own hotel and spent hours working on his proposal.

The following morning, he was ready.  Placing the ring box in his jacket pocket, Tom went to the florist first.  He wanted to have the perfect flowers to give her as he proposed.  The florist was kind and helped pick the right flowers that would show love and affection and created a one of a kind bouquet of peonies and roses.

“Any girl who would turn you down after giving these flowers is not a girl worth having,” the florist told him.

“She’s worth much, much more than these, but I think she’ll find them adequate.”  His smile was big and bright, lighting up the shop.  It wasn’t hard to see how hard he had fallen for Josephine.  Anyone who looked at him knew he was a man in love.

Now armed with the beautiful bouquet, he made his way to her hotel.

Once arrived, he asked for her at the front desk.  “Might Miss Josephine Morrow be available?  I do not wish to disturb…….”

He stopped mid-sentence when he saw the grim look on the concierge’s face.  “Normally, I would not share such private information, but I have seen you and her together.  She’d want you to know.”

The smile on his face dropped, his heart racing with fear, the flowers dropping to the floor.  “Know what?”

The concierge took a moment to compose himself.  “It was very late last night, her mother came running, asking for help to get her daughter to the hospital.  I was able to find someone to take her to hospital, but when I saw her?  To say she looked poorly would not do it justice.”

Before the gentleman could finish, Thomas was out the door and running to the hospital.  He had to see her for himself.  If she was that ill, he wanted nothing more than to be by her side.  He’d never run so fast before, but it also seemed to take forever to get there.  The nurse at the desk confirmed she was there and took him to her room.  When he entered, she looked deathly pale.  Tremors were happening at random intervals, and it was obvious she was having breathing issues.

“Her mother stepped out a few minutes ago.  We urged her to get some rest.  You must have just missed her.”

“What is wrong with her?  Will she be alright?”  She had to be alright.  He refused any other outcome.  

“Honestly, we don’t know.  We cannot figure out the source of her ailment.  If we had some idea, we might be able to do something, but I fear it may be too late.”

He was now sitting at her bedside, holding her hand.  “She told me her mother had been administering medicine.  Has that not helped?”

The nurse looked puzzled.  “What medicine?  The doctor has been very hesitant to prescribe her anything except to help her rest.  If we knew what she was being given…..”

He was out the door before she could finish, knowing he needed to find the medicine her mother was administering.  Why had her mother not told them?  Would it not benefit to give the doctors all of the information in order to help her daughter?

Arriving back at the hotel, he told the concierge to call the police as he ran up the stairs to her rooms.  Rather than knocking, he barged right in.  The room was unoccupied.  There were no thoughts as to where her mother might be, but he began searching every bag he could find.  As he neared the desk Josephine regularly used, her mother entered the room.  “I beg your pardon.  What do you think you’re doing here?  Why are you going through our personal things?”

“Where is it?” he demanded.

“Where is what?” She retorted.

“The medicine you’ve been administering to her?  ”  He continued to shuffle through papers.

“I have no idea what you are referring to, sir.  I demand you leave at once!”

He turned to look at her, fury evident in his eyes.  “Your daughter told me you’d been administering medication.  The hospital has no record of it.  Where is it?  What have you been giving her?” 

Ms. Morrow was frozen in place, speechless.  Out of the corner of his eye, he spied the flowers he’d given Ms. Morrow to give her daughter on his behalf.  They were not on Josephine’s bedside table.  Rather, they were by Ms. Morrow’s.  Why were they there?  

He moved swiftly to the flowers.  “Why are these here?  They were for Josephine!”  He started searching through the drawer of the nightstand, finding the items he was looking for.  He pulled out the needle and a bottle of silver liquid.  “What is this?  What in heaven’s name have you been giving her?”

“I’m her mother!  I take care of her.  You have no right to question me.  I demand you leave at once!”  They were both flustered.  Thomas examined the bottle of silver liquid, looking for any sign of a label.  It wasn’t until he turned it upside down that he found a partial label that said “....cury”.

“You’ve been injecting her with mercury?  Why would you do such a thing?”  Ms. Morrow launched herself at him, trying to get the bottle back.  He held it above her head to which she responded by slapping him several times.  Before she could get in the next blow, police blew in through the door.

He directed the police to arrest her.  “She’s been poisoning her daughter.  I must get this vial and the needles to the hospital before it’s too late.”  While two officers arrested Ms. Morrow, another officer gave him a ride to the hospital.  Thomas hoped it wasn’t too late.  He couldn’t bear to live without her.

Rushing to her room, he found the doctor there examining his Josephine.  “This is what her mother has been administering.”  He handed the bottle over to the doctor who examined it, and then sat by Josephine, holding her hand and kissed the back of it.

The doctor turned to his patient.  “Is this true, Ms. Josephine?”  She let out a breathy ‘yes’, unable to speak much more than that.  Even in the short time he’d been at her hotel, she continued to deteriorate.

It didn’t take the doctor more than a moment to recognize the contents: mercury.  Now having the missing piece of the puzzle, the doctor turned them.  “This explains your symptoms, but I’m afraid they’ve progressed too far.”

“What do you mean, too far?”  Thomas was angry.

“If we had known much sooner, the effects could be reversed, but at this point, there’s nothing we can do.  She’s not much longer for this world, I’m afraid.”

The tears poured out of him.  He gazed into his darling’s eyes.  “I’m so sorry, my love.  I’m so, so sorry.”

She gathered what strength she had left, placing her palm on his face.  “It is alright, darling.”

“How is it alright?”

“You’ve given me the greatest gift I’ve ever wanted.  You showed me what it is to love and be loved.”

He held her other hand with both of his, tears continuing to fall.  “We haven’t had enough time.  We need more time!”

“Do not worry, darling.  I will always be with you.”

At that moment, he remembered his original intention that morning, and pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket. She may not be long for this world, but he wanted every moment he could get.

“Dearest Josephine, I love you more than life itself.  I do not care if it is only for a few minutes or a few days.  Would you please do me the honor of being my wife?”  He opened the box to show her the ring.

She smiled and nodded.  “Yes,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could gather.  He removed the ring from the box and placed it on her finger.  What he had not noticed when he purchased the ring was that the jeweler had placed a matching silver ring under the cushion, a ring for him; however, it fell out of the box, creating a clunking sound as it hit the floor.  He picked it up before turning to the doctor.  “Is there a parson here?  I wish to marry my fiance as swiftly as possible.”

The doctor sent the nurse to find the vicar who had been visiting other patients and brought him to Josephine’s bedside.  Thomas expressed his wishes, and Josephine confirmed.  Both her engagement ring and the groom’s ring were placed on the open bible held by the vicar.

While they did not have a license, the vicar did not care.  He quickly understood the situation and gave them a brief ceremony, marrying them in the eyes of God.  At this point, no one in the room cared about the legalities.  Within moments, they were married, the rings placed on their respective fingers.  

From that moment on, they were not parted.  He refused to leave her side for anything, standing vigil day and night, wanting to spend every possible moment with her that she had left.  The only thing she asked of him was to hold her.  He and the nurse moved her carefully so that he could join her in bed.  Giving her a sweet kiss, he held her for the next few hours as she continued to deteriorate.

The doctor came to check on her that night.  When he came back the next morning, he let Thomas know that she did not have much longer.  He continued to hold her, forgetting all else.  In her last moments, she looked at him.  “Thomas….”

“Yes, my love?”

“I…..”  She had to regain her breath for a moment.  He waited patiently for her to continue.  “I will always love you.”

He dared to hold her closer.  “And I will always love you, in this life and the next.”

“And the next,” she repeated.  “I love you.”  And with those three words, she took her last breath.

The funeral was small but nice.  His sister did not have enough time to be there for her brother at the funeral, but she arrived that night in order to help him pack.  At his request, the concierge and staff helped to pack up her belongings so that Thomas may bring them back to Allerdale Hall.  While he could no longer bring his wife, he could have some part of her there with him.

As it got deep into winter, Lucille found him up in his attic more and more to the point where he refused to leave.  He had his favorite gown of Josephine’s on a mannequin in his workshop so she could watch him work.  He’d explain to the mannequin what he was doing and how he was doing it, as if she were truly there with him.  The most he would allow from Lucille was a blanket for warmth and the occasional tea.  

He’d not been home for a month when he caught a cold.  Lucille tried to urge him to take the medicinal tea and treatments to help him recover, but he had lost his will to do anything.  Melancholia and grief had such a tight hold on him that he could think of nothing else but his wife and his desire to be with her again.

Lucille returned about 20 minutes later with the medicinal tea and the determination to force her brother to take it and get better.  Arriving in the attic, she found he had passed, holding on to Josephine’s dress.

Knowing what he would want, she had his body brought to London and had him buried next to his wife.  As there was no proper headstone for Josephine, Lucille had a double headstone fashioned for her brother and his wife, finding it the very least she could do for her dearest brother.

Taglist: @vbecker10

Dividers created by the amazing @jiyascepter

[peachjagiya]

The way I understood the soju thing was pretty simple. Tae doesn’t drink soju and he doesn’t drink beer either but Jimin and Jungkook do and Jimin and Jungkook are drinking buddies so I guess he asked if Jm taught Jk because he knows that they drink together so Jk must have picked up the haibt from Jm.

Jm and Jk did talk about not calling each other around July and this episode was filmed at the end of September, months after that and from the look of things they had already applied for the buddy program together and I also remember Jimin’s album exchange with Joon where he mentioned him and Jungkook drinking together and talking about music for hours so I guess Jm and Jk probably started communicating and keeping in touch with each other more after NY (else I wouldn’t understand how they even decided to enlist together). So it is possible that they had been meeting up drinking together and Tae knew about it and thats why he asked Jm if Jk learnt that from him. I don’t think Tae could have taught Jk because Tae doesn’t drink Soju so I doubt that is something he would teach Jk when he doesn’t even drink it himself and even before the solo era Jm and Jk had mentioned drinking together sometimes so maybe that is why Tae said that. I don’t see why it is a big deal though. So what if Jm taught Jk? They are friends and they probably drink together so why do jokers think it is a gotcha moment? Is there any law that states that Jm and Jk cannot have drinks together and what does their drinking together or possibly teaching each other stuff have to do with Taekook?

Did you watch the YouTube video? Tae knew the soju trick*, and Jimin didn't, back in 2018. He also drunk a shot in that video. It was fruit soju which he has said he enjoys. He may well have stopped drinking soju since. Or he meant he doesn't drink stronger proof chamisul soju, the kind you'd have with beer, which is what JM&JK drink here. Regardless, he knows the bottle trick.

This is what I'm saying. It's very blurry fact wise. I don't think Tae did genuinely think he'd learnt it from Jimin so regardless of whether Jimkook went drinking more between July and end of September**, I still don't think Tae thought Jimin taught him. I don't think much of what is said in this show is exactly true.

I'm approaching it like this. I went in with two fact-based suspicions:

That Jimin and JK barely saw each other

and

that JK and Tae are very much closer than we're allowed to know and they saw each other frequently.

When I watch AYS, does what they just said stand up to facts? The idea that Tae assumes Jimin taught him that? No there are facts to suggest otherwise.

Jimin and JK don't see each other? There are facts to suggest that's true.

Does what they just said make Tae look weird and isolated? Then it's probably the company narrative because there are facts to suggest otherwise.

You'd call it confirmation bias... But the facts, Mary. The facts.

Actions are speaking way louder than words in this show because the words are half blathering yammering weirdness.

And then there's just a whole raft of stuff people are just wilfully misinterpreting like "prescription glasses" which has many better explanations than "JK doesn't know Tae wears prescription!!!!"

You're right though. Even if it was true, how does the suggestion of Jimin teaching JK debunk Taekook? I have no idea.

In all, I have enjoyed watching AYS. It's cute and I'm happy to have seen our guys when we were all missing them. But I contain multitudes, and my other opinion is that AYS is going to go down in BTS lore as one of the most constructed, produced and therefore nonsensical pieces of content out there and my eyes are at peak risk of rolling out of my head. Though I enjoy it, I don't know why it was made and don't think it has proven it's worth enough to bother revisiting in the future. Not even if they were like "Tae is in it full time!"

*infodump: It is a throwback to when soju was corked so you'd need to give it a swirl and do these taps and flourishes to get the cork sediment out of the way. They're screw top now so no need to do it.

**Incidentally, because Jimin mentions Yoongi being there, I believe the album discussion happened at the Yoongi pre-enlistment meal JK had with Jimin and Yoongi on September 20th, before JK flew out to NYC for Global Citizen.

[seungs]

every month of 2023 🥳 / i was tagged by @euijin. thank you for always tagging me in these carly.. i do enjoy look back on sets 😀 tagging: @foxinys @hyunsung @yangjeongin (hi mary) @huiracha as always u dont have to but id like to see... sorry if you're getting tagged again btw 🤍

january / popular. i rmr this clip being unavoidable for like a month...... 🚶‍♀️ anyway surprise to no one. vs favorite. ok but this has to be one of my favorite sets 4 ever. the day seungmin showed up with bleached bangs was beautiful.... i do rly love how much fun they had with it....😔

februrary / popular. omg moment of silence for mahagrid these clips were really fun. also this guy continuing to haunt my most popular sets. vs favorite. omg im doing 2 for 1 (1,2) cause i can't pick and really had fun giffing con and i think they came out rly cool 😁👍

march / popular. i do not know why. omg actually i do. it's the hair isnt it. vs favorite. wooho 😿😿😿😿😿😿 omg. they rly were cute together. this really was my favorite but i'm including miroh cause i really liked how it came out 😺

april / popular. you will never guess who this is! okay but i wholeheartedly agree i love when he is like a mop 🤍. vs favorite. 2min(:

may / popular. i can't believe this was late may.. look where we are now. who would have thought. but hyuji is very cute. vs favorite. omg this one is an easy jisung fav. he looked great. no idea why i went w these dimensions for the gifs but jisung im a fan 👍

june / popular. yeAHHHHH fucking finally and also Deserved. i loved sclass cause finally it was a mv i had fun giffing again and also seungmin looked great. and i love this set. fun mv. vs favorite. omg this one cause i rmr having fun with it 😿 also liked how it turned out. just silly guys boxing and dancing. but shout out to koms seungmin because i had to include him naturally..... 🥲

july / popular vs favorite. nothing happened on this blog in july apparently. but still i agree. come back seungracha.....

august / popular. solid....he looked good. i rmr this being a bother to color tho. vs favorite. popular 🤝 japan cb 🤝 favorite. i rmr this also being a bitch to color but now i really like how it came out 😸

september / popular. been a second. but 100% real.... might actually be one of my favs of the year overall too (sets and things that happened). vs favorite. wait i might have peaked in sept cause this is one of the best sets i ever made in my life im p sure 😭😭😭🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️(to never be able to recreate ever again)

october / popular. heh(: 2min. vs favorite. omg bitch ass set to make.... was so close to being deleted for good but she deserved to escape the trash i think. at least i can say an attempt was made 😶‍🌫️

november / popular. right. im with the people on this one 👈 vs favorite. 😕🙁☹️😣 man. circumstances and insanity of deciding to do this aside. im happy with how it came out and i cant believe i stuck with making these sets his entire mc career 🧍‍♀️

december / popular. at least for now. i agree though. vs favorite. actually this one might as well be my favorite of the month too.

oh. i forgot. bonus round cause i decided but this is one of his best styling ever.

[kaylasfos]

little blurb about me and henry in the style of tsh, from richard’s point of view <3

I would think that Henry didn’t have feelings if it weren’t for the existence of Kayla.

She was a sweet, small girl adorned with freckles that made her look younger and round glasses that made her look older. She was an English Literature student. She was almost always attached to Henry’s arm like an extension of him. They were an odd-looking pair. Her beiges and whites were a complete contrast to Henry’s wardrobe, made up of entirely black and charcoal gray. In fact, it seemed like everything about Kayla was in complete contrast to Henry.

Their relationship was strange to me, and seemingly to everyone else, too. Kayla’s mere presence made Henry lighter. His cold demeanor would melt away and he’d visibly relax. He always kept a hand on the small of her back, something that seemed like a sign of love but everyone knew was a sign of possession. I thought much about it, and could not come to a conclusion as to whether Henry actually loved Kayla, wanted to have her to himself, or some strange mix of both.

She was, apparently, Julian’s goddaughter. He was the sole reason she had applied to Hampden in the first place. Her mother had been close with him during his peak as a writer, and, upon her untimely death, he had given her a hefty sum of money and agreed to pay for her college tuition. He never gave the stipulation that she attended Hampden, but she saw it as a favor to him.

Kayla melded into the group well enough, but she still seemed like an outsider. She didn’t know any Greek or Latin, a fact that seemed to grate at her whenever we would throw around phrases she didn’t understand. Though sometimes I’d hear Henry whisper something in another language to her (I couldn’t make out what) and she’d giggle, the sound like a bell, and kiss his cheek. Those moments were the most genuinely happy I had ever seen Henry. It seemed like his entire world revolved around her, like she was the sun and he was the planets.

Conversely, when she wasn’t around, his disposition would turn sour and sullen. There was a week during the semester where we hardly saw her because she was cramming for her exams. During that short time, Henry was constantly irritable, his usual brooding attitude much more evidently morose. Though, when she returned, his brusqueness went away once more.

That wasn’t to say that their relationship was perfect, though. According to Bunny, who despite his pension for lying knew Henry better than any of us did, their fights were few but impassioned. For all her sweetness, Kayla was quite jealous, and so was Henry. This threw them into spirals where they would continuously try in vain to make the other jealous, which always ended poorly. Bunny’s claims were corroborated by Francis, who absolutely adored Kayla and considered her a close friend.

I experienced this firsthand on a random Saturday night in September. I had been dragged out by Judy for a night of drinking, and I found myself on the porch of a frat house, desperate to get away from the sweaty college kids that were just beyond the door. When I stepped out into the cool fall air, I was shocked to find her sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette. This did not seem like her scene at all.

Hesitantly, I approached her. For a moment, as I called her name, I was nervous that my eyes could be deceiving me and I’d make myself look stupid.

I wasn’t sure which one of us was more shocked. She spun around and stared at me like a deer in the headlights, or a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Richard?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, sitting beside her. “Where’s Henry?”

At the mention of him, I wondered what Henry would think about my being alone with his girlfriend. She was so cute, so small and vulnerable, with her bouncy curls and big brown eyes. The smell of beer lingered on her breath, and weed on her clothes. If she weren’t who she was, I just may have come onto her.

She rolled her eyes. “Henry,” she mumbled. “I just exist as a fucking extension of Henry, don’t I?”

“Huh?” I said dumbly. She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. Her nails were perfectly manicured. She lifted the cigarette to her mouth and took a long drag of it before she looked my way again.

“He’s mad at me,” she said simply. “And I’m mad at him.”

“Um…why?”

“Because he’s a dick,” she muttered, kicking a stray pebble that was at her feet. “I’m sorry, I know you’re his friend, but I just…ugh. He’s impossible sometimes.”

“I thought you guys loved each other.”

“What? We do.” She looked at me quizzically, as if I had sprouted a second head. Before I could think of another clever thing to say, she continued, “Richard, have you ever been in love with someone?”

I thought to myself. I had had girlfriends in the past, sure, but I didn’t know if I could say that I was in love with them. Did I like them? Yes. Was I in love with them? Maybe not.

Despite my lack of answer, she once again continued to speak. “I’m in love with Henry. I know that, and he knows that, and everyone knows that. But sometimes he’s just so… frustrating. He doesn’t listen, and he has this idea that he knows better than me, and he thinks Julian is this great all-knowing power who could answer him the secrets of the damn universe if he wanted… sorry, I know you like Julian, and I do too, but he’s just so pretentious… and ugh!” She took a deep breath. “I love Henry. He loves me. But he sometimes treats me like I’m intellectually inferior to him, and it kills me.”

I didn’t know what to say to this. Clearly, Kayla was very drunk. I had never heard her speak this much in one sitting once in the time I had known her. I was shocked at her words; she thought Julian was pretentious? And she and Henry seemed so happy together. They were an idyllic couple in my mind. But then again, Henry was not without his flaws. He was most certainly arrogant, but I always thought he deserved to be. He was smart.

But Kayla was smart too, and she didn’t deserve to be treated poorly by him.

Part of me wanted to kiss her, just to see what she would do, but that was probably the result of the cocktail of drugs and alcohol in my system. Before I could make any rash decisions, though, a car pulled up to the front of the house. Kayla dropped her cigarette onto the pavement, then stood up and crushed it with her heel.

“I have to go,” she mumbled. “Sorry, Richard. Don’t tell Henry that I told you all that.”

Then she was gone.

[yuamusuzuran]

2023... but told in my hyperfixations

Just a post that allows me to track all of my various hyperfixations that have helped me pass this grueling and busy year

HADES (Supergiant Game)

I played this game for at least 6 months non-stop. I was obsessed with everything about it, from story, gameplay all the way to relationships and dialogue. I was ESPECIALLY whipped for PatroChilles and ThanZag. My major fixation spurs were January and February as well as May. I still play Hades when I need to decompress, I have almost 200h in it and I have 100% achievements which is my first time ever

Captive Prince series by C. S. Pacat

I read this trilogy during February and when I tell you I was smacked in the face by how good it was. From intrigue, plot and political drama all the way to relationships. But ofc I was mostly blown away by the relationship between Damen and Laurent, like, I DID NOT EXPECT to love their relationship so much. I WAS IN SHAMBLES BECAUSE OF THEIR GENTLE LOVE. Couldn't recover for weeks

KINGDOM - Dystopia

One of the things I was really looking forward to. The whole album blew me away and the Japanese aesthetic was top notch. How much my boys have grown, I was in shambles

GENSHIN IMPACT!!!!!!!

What can I say, I ENDED UP LOOKING INTO IT. I didn't start officially playing it yet, but I went through the lore, studied all characters and their relationships and ofc got sucked into shipping side of the fandom (it's not that hard to intrigue me with that)

I was specifically OBSESSED with DainKae (Dainsleif x Kaeya), XiaoAether, HaiKaveh and CynoNari. And as new patches come by and Fointaine was introduced, my fixation periods always come back with new content. And right now, I'm all about Wriollette. Fixation started in July and has been coming and going as the new content was introduced (when Furina's backstory was introduced, I was bawling)

RED, WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE MOVIE!!!!

I was prepared for this movie since last year BUT THE ACTUAL THING BLEW ME AWAY! I was so happy to watch it finally, I LOVED the chemistry and even though I have a couple of grievances with it, I think the whole message was portrayed nicely! I won't tell you how many times I've watched the movie, it's literally my comfort media. The main fixation period was before the release and entire August.

Avatar: The Way of Water

I was very late with my watch BUT BOY WAS I OBSESSED AND HIT LIKE A TRUCK WITH IT. The movie had everything I expected it to have and it really made me feel a lot of things. I was so devastated over Teyam, I had SO MANY theories about other three sequels and honestly, I'm still not over how good that movie is. And now, that I know the third sequel is coming around Christmas of 2025, I know the first part of 2026 will be marked by that movie alone. Major fixation period was end of August and ENTIRE September

KINGDOM - Coup d'Etat

Every time Kingdom has a comeback I go into brainrot, deal with it. This comeback was special because it was the last part of their History of Kingdom series and we got SO MANY information on their lore that also prepared us for Season 2! I cannot tell you how insufferable I'll become when the next series of albums starts. As far as this album goes, though, I had no complaints, another non-skip album and Coup d'Etat was a perfect showcase of their growth in the last 3 years. So yeah, majority of my October and November was occupied by them.

And finally.... HEAVEN OFFICIAL'S BLESSING (TGCF)

This story pounced on me like a tiger from an ambush and honestly, I'm not complaining. I know all spoilers, I'm SO OBSESSED with HuaLian and am currently on the 2nd book. I think I'll be even more obsessed when I live though all the important moments though books and I CAN GUARANTEE my interest will once again peak when I start watching donghua (I'm waiting for season 2 to finish so I can watch both Chinese and English, oh, and Japanese will be watched eventually). And, ofc, I'm planning to buy all eight English volumes!!

[moonlightsdream]

2022: a summary

Post your favourite or most popular edit from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months!) 

tagged by the sweet and talented sya @seawherethesunsets, thank you💛!

january: popular post - most favorite i love that vincenzo set and how it turned out! i remember capping all episodes then choosing the ones that fitted the theme which is close shots!, and i love how nicely that INAR edit turned out.. i need to go back to picspaming

feburary: popular post - most favorite i love the popular ones and how i managed to include the ships pine loved there, and who wouldn't love chayoung colorful set which i made while working on pine’s sets for secret valentine!!

march: popular post - most favorite i didn't think anastasia would be the most popular but it deserves it, the 3 ladies set is something i always wanted to make and the timing for it was almost perfect!

april: popular post - most favorite veronica park rules!!!, and i love every shot from pachinko it was pure ART!!

may: popular post - most favorite that mln set is my most favorite set i made last year!! i peaked there!!!!

june: popular post - most favorite i feel like mln sets are bound to be a fav of mine😎!

july: popular post - most favorite dirty dancing set turned out very lovely, i love that first shot always!! i have to give jayden lee an honorable mention, he was the lead of that drama and that's a FACT!!

august: popular post - most favorite puppiessss, who wouldn't love them, old classic disney animations were the best!! soohyuk/namra ship is superior the last year, had fun going through the drama again to find these moments.. s2 better deliver for them!!!!

september: popular post - most favorite i love that injoo quote, i had to gif it!! and of course the oh sisters and them blocking each other once they get upset at each other is a fav set of mine...

october: popular post - most favorite every shot from "in the mood for love" is pure art!! i can't imagine an averge set of it out there!!! FFYS couple stole my heart i had to make a set for them.. there were so many moment i wanted to include there!!!

november: popular post - most favorite 101 dalmatians talk about real "meet cute"!!!

december: popular post - most favorite a flirty first meeting!! that almost "little women" set, i spent a long time searching for a quote to make a quoteset, it was going to be either an injoo set or injoo/doil set, and once i came across that quote everything was set in motion and done, so proud of the final result💯💯!!!

tagging @ahsung @cuddlybitch @mostlyfate @junghaesin @haeyeongs -only if want to- and anyone who want to do it!

[le-souriant]

#MusicMonday Review - September 2024

The wonders of youth. A time to reflect about freedom, memories, learning the lessons of life, or just having fun in five different genres. Give them a listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

Cloud Peak View – Heavens No Place For Gravestones

These fleeting moments, they slip through my grasp, Like grains of sand, in an hourglass, But I've come to see, in the haze of my past, The smallest joys, make my Eden last.

We begin in Cody, Wyoming, for some Hard Rock with an early 2000s vibe, where you don't have to bury your feelings in the dark unknown, and paradise awaits in the light of day:

"Honestly I looked into the mirror one day filled with pride, thinking I was building something for my family, when all I had done was miss out on the small things that made them happy like playing with my children or simply going to bed with my wife.

I lost balance and misplaced my heaven on earth… my family. Don't bury those beautiful moments that so many take for granted. They are the moments that are meant to keep us fulfilled. They are moments not meant to die, but ones that last. Heavens no place for gravestones.

I wrote this song because I hoped it would inspire others to see through "the haze" of their past, to Learn from it, to fix it, and come to really enjoy there heaven on earth whatever that may be, rather than speaking words that have no action to prove their meaning."

Project Overload – Moving Mayhem

I don't want to see the world without you, Freedom is the best melody, Traveling the world of philosophy. Moving mayhem to just to be seen, I don't want you to be apart from me.

Next up, from Coventry, England, this Indie Pop selection is all about another type of Eden: just to roll round in the grass, have a great time, and feel the sun after so much time in the darkness:

"Moving Mayhem was written during our first rehearsal after coming out of the COVID lockdown in the UK. We were 14 and 15 year olds, and it felt like we’d missed an important part of our lives.

The song is a celebration of freedom after being shut inside away from the world and an outpouring of joy at being able, at last, to get on with being kids, being relaxed, happy and free to enjoy life once again with the friends we’d missed for so long.

I remember that summer we had fantastic weather, too, and the lyrics take us right back to those long hot days. We were determined not to take our friends or our freedom for granted again!"

Os Overdoses – Practical Choke

Fear is my homie A joke is what I make Pull you by your armstring Ha Ha Ha! What a joke I make!

Next stop, Morto Portugal, for some psychedelic old-school rock n'roll riffing that brings horror themed comics to life. Be careful, they may take you for the ride of your (after)life:

"[Band member] Joey took it from a tales from the crypt comic. It's about two medicine students who pull pranks with body parts they took from the morgue. They put it in random spaces.

So thank god it’s not from personal experience. At least that's what we'd tell the FBI.

At the end they get chocked by an intestine."

Dragged Up – Young Person's Guide to Going Backwards in the World

When all I knew Suicide Saturdays Moulding strange faces Blank generation beach Breaking my nose When all was out of reach

Let's travel to Glasgow, Scotland, for a Lo-Fi Garage Rock track titled after a kids TV show that'd fit accurately in the grown up world. The question that begs to be answered is: Who is Anna Home? Band member Eva explains:

"The track is partly auto-biographical, with childhood memories of loneliness mixed with those of TV shows. Desperate to escape the confines of a somewhat repressive background, I sought solace in music, strange films and TV.

Anna Home was a kids TV commissioning officer responsible for certain shows which fascinated me, including the series Dramarama. The song's title is taken from one episode which I felt fit the narrative well. I also reference another storyline (Back to Front) which involved a sinister Doppelganger taking over the protagonist's life, leaving them forever trapped inside a mirror looking out onto the world - somehow finding that relatable to my own existence! 😊"

The Barren Spinsters – Paint Another Picture

discipline and purpose isn’t what we lacked making bad decisions without all the facts

striving for composure falling very short forming an opinion as a last resort

We end our trip in Canberra, Australia for a Blues Rock track with a thrashy twist about how being older means things are less dramatic, but it doesn't mean you're smarter, or wise:

"Musically we always try and mash our influences together, even if it looks like they won't work. The guitar riff started off as an old delta blues style thing. Then we threw a Van Halen style groove over it, and a ridiculous guitar solo at the end. Bon appetit!"

Listen to them and much more on the complete Playlist:

[maybemarianne]

Growth is Tiring

Date: 7 September 2022, 6:41 PM

Dear Universe,

I remember how badly I fought for my independence, my growth, my freedom. It almost felt as if it was too impossible to win. Almost.

Until UP Mindanao came.

My mother and I had conversations during the peak of my rebellion. The only thing I ever wanted was to study away from my comfort zone so I could grow. Everyone treated that as impractical, and in a sense, an act of selfishness. I hated the fact that they couldn’t understand what growing means. It took me a long time to even convince them that I am trustworthy; and that the risk will always be worth taking. But it was never easy to begin, and that had led me to allowing my drive to consume my perceptions.

Right, that was my first rebellion. Fighting. Pursuing. Trying. Months after months of proving myself to every single member of the family, it was also then I realized that I was also fighting for myself, not against it. Because in this case, don’t we all fight for the opportunities we think would make us happy? Aren’t we all rebels for the things we love?

It’s midday in Mintal, minutes from now are supposed to be intended for lunch, but I won’t eat. Not now that I am still in a middle of crisis all throughout my self-actualization. Life here has been pretty draining lately. Honestly, it wasn’t the college life I have imagined. For clarity, it is not the type to romanticize at all. I should be writing. I should be doing my tasks. I should be analyzing my readings right now. But also in that certain narrative, there is “I should be growing” peeking in. In a pursuit of wanting myself to grow, here I am, slowly deteriorating in pieces first.

Am I growing?

The major transition from online to blended learning (to now full face-to-face classes) is really hard to adjust with. But even so, I can’t tell my parents that I am tired, because I know they are seemingly more exhausted than I have ever been. I just wanna lay it in whispers, in places where I can shout in silence. I can’t tell everyone that at some point, I wanna quit what I’m doing because this has been a dream. To be here is a dream. I can’t tell them that I want to stop, I want a pause because I wanted this in the first place. I fought for this – I fought for my growth.

“You seek for growth diba?” they always say. But nobody ever told me that growth drains you before you’d experience it in your hands. To the point that the only thing you look forward to, at the end of the day, is a rest that won’t require you to be actually sleeping. Rest in moments. Rest in silence. Rest in laughter, in random moments, in mornings where you wake up late, in your first meal at 4 PM, in spontaneous walks outside the campus, in sneaky drunk stories at 11 pm, in nights where you get to eat your fave cup noodles, and just everything after it.

It’s tiring to visualize where growth will lead me, but I don’t wanna see myself getting stuck in the same chains from my childhood. These discomforts will pave the way for me to grow and be independent… even if it is still a big question mark to digest. I’m really not certain about my life anymore. I just know that my stubbornness is a representation that someone like me, even in the worst of days and the heaviest of challenges, still dares to hope for her dreams.

May I not lose hope in dreaming and becoming.

Marianne

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

I'm doing better, I made it out of September 02.10.2024

I did the pre-testing for the chatbot content early this month as well. It was exhausting but also fulfilling to hear people's stories as well.

On the first day of September, I hosted the first meeting with Hato and Kanika. Wow, it took so, so long for the first meeting to happen. We had a rough plan of what we should do. It was a moment I realized I needed to stop waiting for people to join me to do something. The run club was what I actually wanted to do but I was bursting around and strayed from it.

The next important thing that happened was the sharing session and the pop-up during the waste summit. It happened on the same day! I don't know why I was so free for several months then things just decided to happen simultaneously.

The pop-up was okay I think. We did like the trade-in as a trial. We received more than 10 books but there were some unoriginal books too. It was part of the process I think. I met b May, and it was such a comforting conversation! She gave advice and comfort, especially since being a high academic achiever, meeting rejections at work would be very hard.

Then came the sharing session. I did promote it a lot on Tik Tok and we ended up having 170+ participants during its peak! That's crazy! I think I did okay sharing and during the breakout session, Vanny was busy checking from room to room and I ended up moderating the session instead. It was a great experience and a bit nerve-wracking but I think I did fine! I had the seed of confidence to do something more!

On Monday, we met up with Nexus4youth team. I'm glad to meet this group of friends. we had and I felt so youthful again!

I finished the chatbot content and have already the 9 days in Bangkok!

Boom! There was an opening slot for a proposal to run an event and social media campaign! Kouy Y and I discussed and wanted to apply. I spent the first few days in Bangkok doing that proposal!

For the workshop? It was a story I wrote on another platform, but overall I'm glad to be part of this especially to see how other people in other countries are so open to talking about sexual pleasure and education. I'm just a bit mad at how my teammates are so passive. I'm not sure whether they felt intimidated or what.

Then I moved to a hostel from a 5-star hotel! the drastic change! I went to the sauna again and had fun then I met Suchi. The next day I also met my Thai YSEALI friends. Suchi also took me to meet her friends who are mostly expats living in Bangkok. I'm so glad! She asked me why don't want to move to Bangkok. I think I found the answer now. I want to build something long-lasting in my home country but yes I did take her words into consideration to live less like a main character and connect with people and what I'm trying to do is to create a community in my country.

Then boom! I feel like I lived so many lives in September! I met Kouy Y and had a rough plan for what to do for the rest of the year. Then on September 25th, I received the result that I was selected as an AAS scholar! I was over the moon! That was what I dreamt of and worked so hard for! I told everyone about it!

on the 27th, we had an orientation at IFL and I met so many familiar faces also some people that I didn't want to see. However, it's life so it is what it is.

I went to the pagoda during Pchum and my relatives were all over me. They were happy and supportive then there came an uncle who me I was living my life wrong because I was going to broke when coming back and I should apply for a job in ministry instead.

Well, the lesson here is that, no matter what I do, I'm not going to satisfy everyone. In 100 years, we're all going to die and I'm not going to live my life trying to please everyone!

I thought enough had happened in September but on the last of September, I was attending the EducationUSA Fair. I was talking non-stop from 2-6pm. Many volunteers asked me questions and also some juniors specifically came to see me! That's such an honor! It gave me comfort that this is the life that I want to live. I want to live a life in which I can give what I have instead of just trying to take, take!

That was it! Now I'm on 2nd day of Pchum Ben and my heart is full! I'd like to live the 3 months left in Cambodia as the best that I can!

[junesmith]

The Complete Guide to Manaslu Circuit Trek

The Manaslu Circuit Trek is frequently overshadowed by its more famous neighbors, like as the Annapurna and Everest regions, but for those looking for a more intimate, real trekking experience, this journey is truly unique. It is a journey through secluded communities, tranquil vistas, and ever-changing terrain that will leave trekkers in awe of nature's raw beauty.

Why Choose the Manaslu Circuit?

If you're looking for an adventure that takes you off the beaten path, the Manaslu Circuit Trek offers just that. It provides a rich cultural experience as you pass through traditional villages where life feels unchanged by time. The warm smiles of locals, the colorful prayer flags, and the towering peaks surrounding you create a sense of peace that is hard to find elsewhere.

I still remember one morning in the village of Samagaon, sitting outside with a cup of tea, surrounded by the imposing Himalayas. The cold air bit my skin, but the warmth of the hospitality melted any discomfort. The simplicity of life there made me reflect on my own busy, chaotic routine back home, and I found myself appreciating the quiet moments.

Trekking Permits and Regulations

To trek the Manaslu Circuit, you'll need two special permits:

Manaslu Restricted Area Permit (as the region is a restricted area)

Annapurna Conservation Area Permit (because part of the trek passes through the Annapurna region)

Additionally, hiring a guide is mandatory, and it’s for good reason. The trail can be challenging, and having a local guide ensures you stay safe, while also giving you deeper insight into the culture and landscape.

Trekking Itinerary

The typical itinerary for the Manaslu Circuit takes around 14 to 16 days. Here’s a general outline:

Day 1: Drive from Kathmandu to Soti Khola (8-9 hours)

Day 2-5: Trek through villages like Machha Khola, Jagat, and Deng, experiencing the diverse cultures and scenic landscapes.

Day 6-9: Trek through Namrung, Lho, and Samagaon – enjoy breathtaking views of Mount Manaslu, and acclimatize for the upcoming pass.

Day 10-11: Cross the Larkya La Pass, one of the highest points of the trek (5,106 meters). It’s a challenging day but immensely rewarding.

Day 12-14: Descend through Bhimtang and Tilije before ending the trek at Dharapani, where you drive back to Kathmandu.

Accommodations and Food

The trek is known for its teahouse accommodations, which are basic but comfortable. Rooms are simple, often with just a bed and a blanket, but after a long day of trekking, even the most modest shelter feels like a luxury. I remember sharing a teahouse with fellow trekkers and sitting around the stove in the evening, swapping stories, our tired bodies grateful for the warmth and company.

Meals are equally simple—think dal bhat (rice and lentil soup), noodles, and tea. I found myself growing attached to the rhythm of meals: the hearty portions of dal bhat, served by smiling hosts, filled not just my stomach but also my heart.

Challenges Along the Way

There’s no sugarcoating it—the Manaslu Circuit Trek can be tough. The altitude, especially around Larkya La Pass, tests both your physical and mental endurance. I remember feeling out of breath and struggling to take the next step, but in moments like those, you realize how small you are in the face of nature’s grandeur.

During those challenging moments, I saw my fellow trekkers push through their exhaustion, supporting one another. It wasn’t just about reaching the destination but experiencing the journey together.

Best Time to Trek

The ideal time to do the Manaslu Circuit Trek is either during the spring (March to May) or autumn (September to November). These months offer stable weather and clearer views of the mountains. I chose to trek in October, and the vibrant autumn colors, coupled with the crisp mountain air, made the experience unforgettable.

Final Thoughts

The Manaslu Circuit Trek is not just a physical journey; it’s an emotional one too. It tests your limits and rewards you with a deeper connection to nature and yourself. The kindness of the people, the majesty of the mountains, and the peace you find within—these are what make this trek unique.

If you're looking for more than just another trekking destination, the Manaslu Circuit will speak to your soul. You'll leave with more than just photos and memories—you'll carry a part of the Himalayas with you long after you've returned home.

[silverfoxlou]

Louis Tomlinson shares hot take on One Direction: “The first album was shit”

NME, August 2nd 2022

Tomlinson is currently gearing up to release his second album as a solo artist.

In a new interview, Louis Tomlinson shared his opinion on One Direction’s first studio album, 2011’s ‘Up All Night’, revealing that he’s not particularly fond of it after 11 years.

Last Monday (July 25), Tomlinson appeared as a co-host on the Australian radio station Nova FM’s program Smallzy’s Surgery, where in the opening moments of the episode, he pointed out that One Direction had formed exactly 12 years earlier.

When the show’s primary host, Kent ‘Smallzy’ Small joked that he was “late to the party”, having first interviewed the boy band in 2012, Tomlinson quipped back that “the first album was shit anyway”.

‘Up All Night’ was released in November of 2011, and although it earned a mixed reception from critics, it became a global smash hit. With the singles ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ (which has a cumulative 31 Platinum certificates between six countries), ‘Gotta Be You’ and ‘One Thing’, the album peaked at Number One on charts in seven regions (as well as Number Two in the UK), and racked up a total of 22 Platinum certificates across seven countries.

The album remains One Direction’s most successful, with each of their subsequent four albums – the most recent of which was 2015’s ‘Made In The A.M.’, which arrived a year before the band announced their indefinite hiatus – selling less copies than its predecessor.

Tomlinson appeared on Smallzy’s Surgery to plug his current world tour, which wraps up with a trio of sold-out dates in Italy at the start of September. Have a listen to his full episode below:

x

Elsewhere in the chat, Tomlinson spoke about his upcoming second solo album, which is yet to be formally detailed. Hyping it up, he told Smallzy: “I’ve enjoyed [making this album] 20 times more than the first album.

“I think there’s still pressure for me to deliver a good record but there was just so many different opinions on the first album and me trying to find my feet coming out of a band the size of One Direction. So I feel like I’ve been able to look at this record with a bit more clarity.”

Tomlinson’s first solo effort was 2020’s ‘Walls’, which earned a three-star review from NME’s Ella Kemp. There, she wrote that “the album’s Oasis-imitating title track indicates his headstrong ambition, the neat major-minor key changes just about sophisticated enough to pull at your heartstrings”.

“He’s perhaps taking the time to find himself properly before launching into a boisterous future,” Kemp continued. “He may be looking back on what he loved – both the history he helped make and the one that shaped him – before rebuilding something new. There are the foundations here for a rewarding future.”

Link to tweet

——

The headline is annoying as hell, but the article itself isn’t awful? It does spend too much time talking about UAN but actually provides context to the comment about it. It also includes the correct quotes about his second album and mentions that he wrapped up a world tour. Not that it matters though because how many people are going to actually read the whole thing after seeing that headline.